#I watch everything on youtube on 2x speed so i did have to watch them all

[fer3112]

I love ridiculously long videos about media I have not consumed and will never consume

[conanssummerchild]

im pissed and im petty and bitter so here are my ex best friends red flags bcs fuck her and now that we're not friends i can stop pretending she was perfect

1. she had such a fucking superiority complex

i swear to god she always thought what she was doing was better or right, for example im really bad at school and she was little miss straight a's, which is fine, until she made it my business too. one time i was talking about struggling in maths and she gave me some advice and i said i did it differently and she said like "well who's in the low maths class?" i never talked to her about academics again. and thats only one example of so many

2. she complained so goddamn much

i swear to god every fucking hour she was venting about something, and it was really uncomfortable ngl bcs i never ever talk about my feelings and i wasnt used to someone being so open, which yeah i know my way isnt healthy either but i swear she had to make everything become about her feelings, like shut your fucking mouth

3. speaking of, she said like that it was weird for her when i talked to her about my dad

like i said i dont talk about my feelings but since she was so open i tried to be more open for her, but i guess i shouldve just kept my mouth shut, bcs i never ever complained abt her venting but when i did it it was too much aparently also i asked her this:

and she never bothered answering. hypocritical if u ask me

4. she reminded me too much of my sister

this isnt a flaw of her own and more of a me problem, but she was too much like my sister and i shouldve identified that as the issue it was earlier on (if ur not familiar with me, me and my sister have a really bad relationship) maybe then i wouldve been able to work through it and it wouldnt have been a problem

5. she was lowkey kinda patronising

she used this fucking voice at me sometimes (usually in autism related issues) and i tried to convince myself it was sweet and comforting but really it felt like she was speaking to a child (i do not fucking like being infantilised.) in fact a lot of the ways she treated me made me feel like a child and it fucking. sucked.

6. everytime i was struggling she would tell me how hard it was for her

I GET IT OH MY GOD SHUT UP. like the first time i didnt mind it, because i knew it was true, but like was it really necessary to say it every. fucking. time? i dont talk about my feelings normally. if she knew i was feeling bad it was only because i was feeling so bad i couldnt hold it together anymore or i was nonverbal. i understand im difficult to deal with like that but telling me how bad it makes you feel just makes me feel more like shit. not everything is about you and your feelings dude

7. she was really gatekeepy over this one youtuber i started watching

ok so theres this youtuber zara beth who one day i discovered on yt and i rlly liked her and so i told my ex bsf and she was like oh yeah i bet u only watched her videos on autism 😒 and she was being like so passive agressive the whole conversation like GIRL, CHILL. even if i did only watch her videos on autism whats wrong with that (and like i didnt even, i watched all of them on 2x speed and binged her entire account)

THE THREE DOTS??? 💀

8. several of the few times i would tell her abt smth that i was upset over she would just straight up change the subject 😭

9. she liked physical contact too much

ik this isnt a red flag really but im not comfortable with so much physical contact so we weren't compatible in this way

10. she liked video calls too much

again, not really a red flag but video calls and just phone calls in general make me so uncomfortable and exhausted and honestly its even kinda overstimulating and she always wanted to call

11. she said she didnt feel like anything was going on in the aftermath of us having had a disagreement, but it built up so much that we havent talked since. so i would say maybe we shouldve talked about it (like i suggested). ('my face was grey but you wouldnt admit that we were sick' vibes)

theres more red flags, but there was also so much good, it wasnt all bad, which makes it hurt more, she truly showed me what it felt like to love and i miss her painfully every day.

[grutadodaibo]

Hazbin Hotel Season 1 Review (Any %)

I think the best way of defining my experience with Hazbin Hotel, and VivziePop as a whole, is progressively getting uninterested with something you previously liked the more baggage with you end up getting, I'm not saying this in a 2010's angry critic type of feel of just making bad faith arguments about every frame of the midia you are talking about and exaggerating every phrase to feel as if the world would end because a piece of ficcion exists and somehow that makes the world worse, you can pick examples like Nostalgia Critic, CinemaSins, Lily Orchard, you name it, I know you have your own personal examples, I say that as someone who previously enjoyed VivziePop's works, praised every new thing that came out and for a time was excited for Hazbin Hotel, but lost interest after the first 3 episodes of Helluva Boss Season 2 because I was getting tired of the series decline of quality on the writing department and because episode 3 was so bad that I ended up dropping the series and distancing myself from anything related to it... Until Hazbin's first 4 episodes released on Amazon Prime and just reminded me that "OH YEAH, the series isn't an indie Youtube production anymore, is part of A24 now" and so I watched the series and I honestly feel like I didn't lose anything significant from dropping on VivziePop's content.

Out of the way, the biggest problem the series has is pacing, there's this one phrase I used after the release of episode 5 and is that "A normal episode of Hazbin Hotel feels like it's on 2x speed, late for a job interview filled with anxiety" it's a phrase I would say as a joke to people close to me who weren't watching the series but were curious to know what is about, having watched the whole series I think this is more of an honest description of the show than just a joke comment about one of ther aspects because the series has no patience whatsoever to introduce the audience (or at least part of the audice that aren't VivziePop's superfans who know everything about the lore and the universe the series is set in because of previous interviews, lives and posts on social midia she did explaining things to the public) to the universe, characters, etc, the series is rushing throught everything they possibly can so they get to Point A to Point B on the plot as soon as humanly possible, a speedrun of a show basically.

I remember back on 2019 when the pilot dropped there was this fandom spread and well accepted speculation that the series wasn't going to be plot focused but character focused, like the episodes would be all about trying to put Charlie's plan of redeeming sinners in practice, getting new residents and throught the series know about more and more about the main cast, what are their motivations and how they would overcome their struggles, which makes total sense when you consider that the characters in Hazbin are one, if not the biggest, selling point of the show due to how immediately appealing they are, just look at the amount of fan-content was made from before the pilot in 2019 up until now, it's only natural to think they would follow this line instead of the final product, because let me tell you something, it really didn't worked, I'm not saying disappointed fan who got their expectations too high by engaging too much on fancontent, what I'm saying is that by rushing everything to get to the battle against Heaven on the season finale ends up debilitating the characters and their own plots A TON because they didn't fleshed them out enough and whenever something important happens to them on the series it doesn't feel earned because they speedran a good chunk of what would be necessary for it to work, in the end is just a lot of dramatic scenes that are really pretty and well excecuted when they are isolated from each other but putting all together just feels like a lot of artificial weight made to play with the public's emotions without making an effort to make these emotions come out organically.

In short, the next seasons of Hazbin Hotel HAVE to be different from the first in order for the public not to pick it up on the writing problems the series has the same way that happenned to Helluva Boss.

[starlightshore]

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first. 

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it  better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!! 

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll  build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!

[sooconfusedsomd]

How I studied M1 year

Essentially this post is a reflection on how I evolved my studying habits throughout my M1 year. If you are a new medical student this might be helpful BUT I would suggest you re-take a look at this post sometime in the middle of your M1 year (once you are more familiar with your learning style, your school's curriculum and the resources in general I'll be talking about).

NOTE: This worked for me (US MD school with true P/F and a system based block curriculum geared towards Step 1).

ALSO: If you still haven't started your M1 year yet, please, please do NOT try studying anything before classes actually starts. You will be confused and studying is different in medical school than undergrad. You won't know what things to focus on or how to approach various topics until you are actually in that environment. I know it might not make sense, but enjoy your summer break (ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE COMING WITHOUT A GAP YEAR).

Before I post anything about specific resources a word on lectures. During our orientation week, we were bombarded with hundreds of resources and I wondered why do people need external resources---does that mean lectures/professors are bad? Is the school incompetent? To be honest, as I started medical school our professors and classes are awesome. We learn mostly what other review resources cover and we have phenomenal professors. However, I (and most others) still use external resources and the best reason I can come up with is that board resources and tried and tested methods. We know those work and everything in them will be covered in step. So it's sort of a safeguard in my mind.

Now on to resources:

- BoardsAndBeyond (Video explaining Boards) BoardsAndBeyond is my foundation. It's essentially first aid explained to you in a video format. Our classes are mostly flipped classroom (e.g. ) with a few lectures (4 lectures and 7 flipped in a random week with 1 anatomy lab and 1 clinical experience). For most classes, our school gives us content to read (which I don't read) and/or videos to watch (which I do) before coming to class. For any class we have, there usually is a relevant boards video that I watch. This helps build a foundation for me to build upon based on class content.

- Lightyear Anki deck (Download, Video) I will talk about Anki more in a separate section below, but some amazing person made flashcards for each Boards video. After watching the relevant Boards video, I usually unsuspend the related cards and move them to my deck for the current block. If boards is the foundation, Lightyear/Anki is the support that holds everything up. It helps me ensure that I remember everything I learned not just during this block but also previous blocks.

- Pathoma In addition to boards, I heavily rely on Pathoma for all the pathology we need to know for a block. Pathoma is essential and Dr. Sattar not only does an amazing job breaking things down and helps you understand the pathology but he also makes sure you know how examiners love to ask certain content on Step.

- Duke Anki Deck for Pathoma (Download) Similar to Lightyear, this is a Pathoma deck divided into chapters.

- Sketchymedical I honestly didn't know if sketchy was something that would be useful for me--I tried watching a sketchy video before medical school and I didn't really "get it". BUT IT's BEEN A LIFESAVER. SketchyMicro is amazingly well done and I honestly don't know how I could have learned micro without it. SketchyPharm and SketchyPath are okay (SketchyMicro >>> SketchyPharm >> SketchyPath imo).

- Pepper Anki Deck for Sketchy (Download) You guessed it. In order to retain Sketchy I use the Pepper deck.

- Anki Anki is a spaced repetition flashcard program that I use to make sure that I am retaining what I learn. There is so much content and it's very easy to forget things you learned the past week. What makes Anki great is that there are a ton of pre-made community made decks out there already and you don't have to worry about making your own cards. However, if you want to make your own cards, you can. Anki is unfortunately an ugly application and looks like it's from the 90's but it's still an amazing tool. There is a great youtube channel that covers all things anki

How I approach classes:

Before each class, I will look at the prep material we have to do and find a boards, pathoma, or skethcy video that covers the topic. I then watch that video, unsuspend the anki cards, and move the cards to my current block's deck. I then go through the new cards once and come back and do the second pass (you'll understand what I mean once you start using anki) sometime later. In the first 2 blocks, I used to go to every class, however, towards the end of block 3 I mostly started watching the non-mandatory lectures at 2x speed from home. It's really funny because I never though I'd stop going to class and when people mentioned they don't go to class (before I started med school or even during orientation) I laughed and said that's definitely not me. Anyways, I still watch the school lectures and depending on new content I might make my own cards from that lecture (this is very rare, however).

The backbone to all of this is Anki. Anki helps make sure that I am not forgetting things I learned in the past because there is just so much content, it's very easy to forget what you did yesterday. I usually do my Anki reviews for the current block early in the morning and my reviews from previous blocks at night. This allows me to focus on new material during the day.

I also use two questions banks: Kaplan and USMLE-Rx. The kaplan bank I use during the blocks and I might do 40 questions/week. Anki helps me retain the information and the q banks help me apply the questions. I generally make at least one card for each question that I get wrong. I save USMLE-RX for the end of the block, while studying for the exam. The USMLE-Rx questions are slightly easier and based on First Aid (written by the same authors) and doing the questions towards the end of the block helps me review First Aid.

Random caveats:

- Anatomy is weird. We did most of your MSK anatomy in 3 weeks and I started off using the AwesomeAnatomy (Download) deck but that was wayyy overkill. I ended up making my own cards for that block. In hindsight that also wasn't needed as most our anatomy questions were very clinical and we didn't have many on which tendon inserts here etc.

- Lightyear does not do a good job with cardiac physiology imo. The deck has few cards for the Cardio videos on Boards and I had to make my own cards for physiology. I also pulled in some cards from the Zanki deck (Download) under the tag: #Zanki::Cardiovascular::Physiology_&_Embryology_&_Anatomy*

I'll probably update this as I go on and/if I remember anything else. But essentially the tl:dr is watch boards, do lightyear anki flashcards, do practice questions.

[anthro-lang]

Update: Self-studying 4 + 1 + 1 languages!

in April I posted about self-studying 3 + 1 languages, but since then my priorities have changed dramatically (and i’m entering a new phase in life), so here’s an update on what i’ve been doing and what my new plans are:

1. Spanish

proficiency: B1

what I’ve achieved since April: 

nothing! I’ve been putting Spanish on hold because i’ve been distracted by other shiny new toys (read: languages) and I’ve lost the motivation to learn beyond what I already know

the old plan I devised was way too time intensive, and was unsustainable in what was a Very Busy Semester

also holidayed in Spain for 2 weeks and managed to get around and have conversations in broken but decent conversational Spanish, so I’m not too worried about losing my speaking ability entirely

updated goals:

plan for immersion rather than repetition and grammar. Take some time to come up with self-study plan that works for me, and works with my limited time

I’d like to continue watching Spanish speakers and listening to Spanish podcasts. So far those that have stuck are Coreano Vlogs and HelloTaniaChan on Youtube, Historias Perdidas podcast on iTunes

2. German

proficiency: C1+?

what I’ve achieved since April:

I’ve put German on hold because I /live/ here and speak German every single day. Honestly I don’t know what my German standard is anymore because I was tested at C1 three years ago and have improved so much since then, but I hesitate to call myself C2 because I still have so many doubts about everything

I’ve become more German -- learned more about German culture and done some Truly German Activities like hiking, chilling by the lake, gardening...

updated goals:

find a way to continue connecting with this community after my time here is up

find a way to review the grammar without boring myself to death

vocabulary! I love learning about the nuances of vocab and I’ve got plans to make it through a synonym book (already at C)

3. Mandarin Chinese

proficiency: HSK 6+ / native

what I’ve achieved since April:

I have read entire books. I have watched entire shows. I no longer think my Mandarin is that problematic

updated goals:

it’s been helpful picking up vocabulary from Du Zhe - my new plans are to integrate those close reading sessions with quizlet sets where I can train myself to write better and more intuitively. 

post more of my vocabulary practices to tumblr. I’m enjoying writing and learning and the characters are beautiful

watch Meteor Garden on Netflix without subtitles (and without cringing?)

finish the book i’ve started (10% through after a week)

4. Dutch

proficiency: B1

what I’ve achieved since April:

went from 0 to B1 real quick thanks to a good grasp of German grammar and German grammar rules. Did a semester of Dutch classes at the uni.

right now I’m trying to intensify my learning and absorb as much new vocabulary as possible, while focusing my grammar learning points on the differences between Dutch and German

updated goals:

engage all levels of speaking / hearing / reading to become proficient at the language as fast as possible. I want to be conversational, and I want to be conversational fast.

continue through my self-made intensive lesson plan (10 intensive sessions in 2 weeks, followed by an intensive grammar run through a basic Dutch grammar book within 2 weeks, accompanied by learning vocabulary on Memrise)

+ 1! Korean

proficiency: 0

motivation behind learning Korean:

Korean has always sort of been in my cultural consciousness, I watched Running Man devotedly until 2012 and friends are K-Pop fans. It only felt natural that I pick up Korean eventually, especially since Korean major friends have more or less taught me to read the alphabet

I’m looking for a challenge, and Korean grammar is notorious for being ridiculously context-driven and nuanced

goals:

get to a TOPIK I or equivalent level by the end of 2018, and enjoy the entire process as I do so. 

continue following a 2x weekly informal class, and get up to speed on Lingodeer. I think once I’ve completed what’s available for Lingodeer, I’ll move on to a more serious stage of trying to learn with a proper book

continue having fun learning Korean! whether it’s listening to Korean makeup gurus tell me how to do my makeup or reading the hangeul for K-pop songs, I want to enjoy this every step of the way

+ 1 more because why not! Cantonese

proficiency: I understand conversations, I can’t speak it

motivations:

it’s embarrassing that I can eavesdrop on people, but can’t speak. I would love to train my speaking

honestly i love the look of traditional characters and would love any excuse to read them

goals:

still looking for a good way to learn Cantonese in an immersive way. There aren’t many (free) resources for intermediate learners, and I don’t need to learn vocab in English. I need to learn how to pronounce things! CantoneseClass101 is pretty good I guess, but a 7 day trial is hardly enough!

fiddle my way through a Memrise Canto course. They do characters, not just jyutpin, so we’ll see how good that goes

[rkyxto]

                                   “chito” has uploaded a new video!

              2X RAP CHALLENGE - “AGUST D” EDITION!

                              12,684 views - 806 likes - 120 dislikes

ding.

“ding” goes yuto’s camera, immediately beginning to film as he presses it’s red button. has it always started that fast? it’s his nerves, he knows, the first time he’s voluntarily been on the camera for others to see in a while. still, he hasn’t forgotten how to flash a smile, and as he begins he does just that, milking the charismatic persona as much as he could.

“안녕하세요, こんにちは, 你好, hello! it’s your charming boy, yuto,or now chito, traveling all around the world to spend some time with you beautiful people!” pointing towards the camera, he let the phrase he’d planned beforehand flow out his mouth. for lack of a better idea, he’s crammed four language’s greeting with a cheesy phrase as his intro. not to mention the god-awful screen name he’d created as a hybrid of his full one. on the inside, yuto was completely and utterly cringing. he thought, no knew, he sounded stupid, and was sure this was the most enthusiastic he’d made himself seem in his life. but, it didn’t matter - all i have to do is record an entertaining video, he assures himself. this could be the chance to get my name out there.

“so,” he continues, scratching the back of his head. ‘i made my instagram, @adato - which you should seriously go follow,” he noted with a chuckle, before continuing. “anyways, i made it a few months ago. i never had thought to make a youtube channel until now, but...i have to take my shot, right? followers and new fans, please support me!” he chirps, giving a short bow.

“now- onto the good stuff. today i decided to do...” he pauses for a moment, giving time to show the title he plans to add onto the video later. “the 2x rap challenge! with a twist.”

“i’m sure you all have seen the 2x dance challenges floating around, and i’m aware, they’re hard. but...i’m sure rapping in 2x speed will be much harder. don’t believe me?” he asks the the imaginary crowd, leaning into the shot to whisper. “then watch this.”

“we’re back!” he announces, now in a completely different setting. what’s presumably a park is set up like a mini obstacle course, full of rings, hula hoops, tubes, and a mini slide. the camera sits on a tripod, and the male, now in shorts and a tshirt, opens his mouth to speak.

“now, here we go! the challenge is to rap agust d’s well...agust d, while attempting to complete this obstacle course. if i begin to fail at either... my friend will spray me with a water gun.” making sure to look as pitiful as possible, he pouted before starting.

“근무태만 형들 과는 달러 유명인의 하극상, damn, 쎈 놈만 덤벼 어떤 이는 내가 이 자릴 쉽게 앉았다고 해”

things were going well for the male for a fairly long time, the rap being one he’d practiced enough that the beginning was very familiar to him. that is, despite the sad attempts to hula hoop while doing a ring toss as he rapped. while it was also a fun video, he did hope his true talent shined through and would be evoked in a different way.

“거리가 먼 형들 사이 눈엣가시네 솔직히 싸이하누월 쪽팔려 이제 일년에 50만장 팔어 K-pop 이란 카테고리”

the boy recites the lines from memory, saying them with ease as he continued down the course. only when he reached the fast, infamous rap does he pause. he had a hard enough time rapping them as it is, let alone in the middle of the intense game.

“ 난 베끼는 걸 베끼는 놈을 잡아다가 후배든 선배든 제끼는 놈 놈팽이든 내가 wack 이든 fack!”

he yells, adrenaline and excitement pumping as the challenge begins to heat up. he still needed some work on his flow, but for the difficult task, he was proud of himself. hopping over the hoops on the grass, he tries his best not to laugh at the odd scenario, while keeping the tempo.

“ 이든 역사를 바닥에 새기는 놈 또 재미도 없는 랩퍼들 사이에서 늘 남들보다 더 챙기는 몫 잘나가는 덕에 밥그릇 뺏길”

he’s so close to the end, of both the difficult rap and the course. in no time, he thinks, he’ll finish and wow everyone with his skills. following the instructions at the station to hop on one foot and bounce a ball, he continues on with a motivation to succeed.

“형들의 시기 질투 덕에 생기는 소... 소...” before he can let out a cry of defeat, he’s being hosed down by the water gun. cackles escape the boy as he drops the basketball, the whole challenge falling apart before his eyes. still, he’d done everything he needed to do - show that he had potential and personality to anyone who may be watching.

“i think that’s it for today, everyone!” he exclaims in between his fit of laughs. “also, don’t forget to follow me on instagram and subscribe to my new channel! i’ll be putting out all kinds of content, showing off how crazy talented i am!” the boy jokes, standing as the wet clothes clinging to him begin to drip onto the pavement.

“yuto, out!” he closes, switching to english for the last sentence before the outro begins to play.

[vaampz]

want to stan vav? pls do! ❤

VAV currently consists of 7 members: St. Van, Baron, ACE, Ayno, Jacob, Lou and Ziu. VAV debuted on October 31, 2015, under A Team Entertainment -- formerly AQ Entertainment.

For what I can tell, it’s a pretty nice company. A Team handled all the exits of the old members with a a lot of class, never blaming the guys in any moment and wishing them the best of lucks in their new paths (Xiao and Gyeoul are still under their management for example and doing well). Their marketing team has been on point lately promoting the group and CEO Ryan S Jhun not only produces bops for them but he is always so caring toward the boys ?? like being with them in some of their vlives and other stuff, even his little puppy Simba is around for schedules lol. Plus, us fans are so well fed with daily updates and everything has subs. 

VAV are seven adorable, tall and hard working guys that have been trough a lot since debut and the path has definitely not been an easy one, but they’ve always make sure to give fans a lot of love and the relationship they have with Vampz is so good and pure, they really give us so much and ask for so little in return. They deserve more recognition.

Anyways! The fandom name is VAMPZ and here are their official accounts:

Twitter: @VAV_official

Instagram: @vav_official 

Members IGs: St.Van | BaRon | Ace | Ayno | Jacob | Lou | Ziu

VApp: E6A311 

Youtube: A Team channel 

Tumblr: vav-official 

Fan Cafe: VAVofficial + English Tutorial to sign up | they really appreciate all the letters even if it’s not in korean so if you can sign up and send them lots of love! They always try to answer, and Ayno has been pretty active there lately.

VAV App: You can download the .apk here | it’s also in English so it’s easy to understand and the boys do weekly chats there with the fans wich are subbed in the moment. Sometimes they also do giveaways there and you can chat with other Vampz, It’s worth downloading it. 

Bonus: little member introduction/profile ♡

The current line-up officialy comeback for the first time with the digital single Venus (Dance With Me) on February 18th, 2017, showing a fresh image along with a new sound. This was the debut for Lou, Ayno and Ziu --- also when they finally got a stable line-up. 

Official MV 

MV Performance ver.

Jacket Making

Dance 2x speed

Dance random speed 

Visual Video 

Fanchant

Stages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 

Other performances: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

On May 5th, they made a flowery comeback with the second digital single Flower (You), this time they showed a more cute and soft image. As a little fun fact, Ayno wrote the rap part !

Official MV 

Jacket Making

Dance Practice 

Performances: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 (they focused on busking and festivals for the promotion and didn’t perform on any music show)

On July 4th, they made a summer comeback with the third digital single ABC (Middle of the Night). This time around, both Lou and Ayno wrote their rap parts !

Official MV 

MV Making 

Dance Practice 

Fanchant

Stages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 

On November 2th, they made their fourth comeback of the year with the digital single She’s Mine, showing a more classy and sexy image. The song was produced by Coach & Sendo and the choreography made in collaboration with 1Million Dance Studio !

Official MV

MV Making

Jacket Making

Concept Film

Performance Version

Dance Practice (Malaysian ver.) 

Dance Practice (X-Mas ver.) 

1MILLION Dance (w/ Ayno & Baron) 

2x speed dance

Change Parts Challenge

Dance Practice (Self Cam Version)

Fanchant 

Stages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Now they are working extra hard for a comeback in early 2018 that will carry a similar manly concept to She's Mine (at least according to the members haha), so please wait for them! ♡ It’s rumored to be on January 29th because of a picture that Ryan S Jhun posted with the hashtag 29/1 on it but it’s not confirmed or anything untill the date (December 30th).

COVERS:

Downpour -- I.O.I, by Ace and Ziu

White Night & Wake me Up -- Taeyang, by St.Van and Lou

Fools -- Troye Sivan, by Ace

Fool -- WINNER, by Ace

CHOREOS:

Shape of You -- Ed Sheeran, by BaRon (vocals and choreography)

How I Want Ya -- Hudson Thames, by Ayno (choreography) + Close-Up Version 

Better --  Attom ft Justin Stein, by BaRon (choreography)

OTHER:

Zero Coke -- Noh Yoonho Mixtape (Zero ver.) + (Coke ver.) ( also the video was filmed/directed by BaRon )

Bite My Nails -- Noh Yoonho Mixtape (Audio) ( both Ayno’s mixtapes are self-written and self-produced )

Trouble -- Xiao feat Jacob (MV)

Interviews, shows and other stuff:

note: this’ll be only the videos with the current line-up! for older content i’ll probably make a different list~

[ENG Sub] VAV Surprise Letter (aka the only time I want to see them crying but at least it was for the sweetest motive, they are so precious) --- Part 1 (with Lou and Ayno) + Part 2 (with Baron, St. Van and ACE) + Part 3 (with Ziu and Jacob)

[ENG Sub] VAV’s Apartment (2D1N) --- Ep. 1 + Ep. 2 + Ep 3 

[ENG Sub] VAV’s Apartment (The Return of Superman Version)

[ENG Sub] VAV VCAM Series (playlist with ALL the episodes to date -- it’s the best to get to know their personalities in my opinion)

V’LOGS (playlist with all the logs)

[ENG Sub] The Immigration

[ENG Sub] Soompi Interview

[Portuguese Sub] Revista KoreaIN Interview

[ENG Sub + Portuguese] Revista KoreaIN Interview (pt2)

[ENG Sub] Pops in Seoul Q&A

[ENG Sub] Pops in Seoul Pick & Talk

[ENG Sub] TOUR AVATAR 2 with Ayno & Lou --- Part 1 + Part 2

[ENG Sub] Fact in Star Interview

[ENG Sub] TongTongTV Interview + Performance

[ENG Sub + Portuguese] Radio K-Pop Brasil Interview

[ENG Sub] HypnoticAsia Interview

[ENG Sub] KoreanUpdates Interview

[ENG Sub] MEET YOUR IDOL: VAV

[ENG Sub] MEET YOUR IDOL: VAV (DELETED SCENES & BLOOPERS & FUNNY MOMENTS)

[ENG Sub] VAV - Game Life Bar Ep. 5

[ENG Sub] VAV - Game Life Bar Ep. 6

[ENG Sub] VAV x VSLive 

[ENG Sub] VAV on Star Interview

[ENG Sub] VAV at PeekAVoo&Voom Rookie Stage (Full) 

[ENG Sub] What Did VAV Buy With 10,000 Won?

A letter to Sound K from VAV

Show Champion Curtain Talk

VAV Fact In Star (Self-Cam)

VAV Preview Show! She’s Mine 

KStation TV --- VAV Busking Hongdae (this is pretty fun to watch)

VAV TV1 pt 1 + pt 2

VAV Backstage Chat

GSGM 2017 Summer Making film (with Ayno)

Beautiful Smile YT Channel (it has clips of ther vlives with english subs)

MyLovelyBaron YT Channel 

VAV Thailand YT Channel (it posts a lot of the content that is only available for VAV App users so it has subs)

Seoulmates Vlogs --- 1, 2

Kaelyn Tee Vlog -  VAV in Sunway University

VAV Individual Broadcasts

BaRon’s ASMR

[quil12]

So I don’t have ADD/ADHD (although I relate heavily to many posts about it, so who really knows lol), but at the very least I have poor time management skills and procrastinate heavily, so I just wanted to give a few tips that I’ve used in order to kind of make it through online classes. I did write a lot, so it may be a little much to get through, but I hope that something in here can maybe help someone out! (I bolded my important points for ease of reading)

Figure out what is the most important thing for you to do

-What’s due the soonest?

-What is going to take me the longest to do?

Make a list of assignments in which you take these two things into account in order to figure out what needs to get done first.

If something doesn’t need to be done for a little while, but it’s easier to do, you might want to consider doing that first. For me personally, whenever I finish an assignment, I get more motivated to start on another one. 

If you have to read a long article for a class, consider using a text-to-speech translator. This helps me out a lot as an auditory learner. I generally try to read along so I don’t lose too much focus, but hearing it out loud definitely helps me out. If you don’t want to do that, also consider reading the article out loud to yourself. I recommend doing this in general for most things because it makes you actually pay attention to every word instead of just reading, having it get a little bit complicated, and then just bailing on it. 

Try taking timed breaks. Take a break whenever you need one, but try setting a timer for like 10 minutes and try to be back doing whatever you need to do after that time is up. You can also do something like 20 minutes working and then a 10 minute break. This has never worked for me personally because I get on rolls where I just get everything done at once, but it’s worth a shot if you’re struggling and I’ve had friends who this has worked for.

Try giving yourself a reward for finishing an assignment. Maybe you get to watch a Youtube video or an episode of a tv show. The only problem here is that you have to have a lot of self control to not just give yourself the reward without actually completing the task. I sometimes have issues with this myself and it can be kind of frustrating. 

Turn off the wifi if you don’t need it. If you’re watching a lecture, try turning your computer or phone onto airplane mode, or, if you’re the only one in the house, try turning the router off so it becomes a chore to have to go and switch it back on. 

In order to make the deadlines seem more real, try counting how many days it is until it’s due. This can sometimes make matters worse (i.e. Three days? Hmph, I have tons of time), but also sometimes gets me to actually focus on getting things done because it makes me realize I don’t actually have that much time. I also try to compare the number of days till it’s due to something like how many days that I’ve had the assignment. (It was assigned on Tuesday, it’s currently Thursday, and it’s due on Saturday. It’s been two days since it was assigned and I now have two days until it’s due. Based on how quickly those previous two days went by, I’m basically out of time to do it, so therefore I’m in panic mode and am able to get it done really fast.)

Lectures:

Lecture slides through powerpoint I don’t really have a ton of tips for. I’m taking a summer course and there are powerpoint lectures and I’m struggling big time. The only real advice that I have for those is to try and break them up into smaller parts. Also, try to take notes if you can. 

But, if your professor or teacher uploads lectures to YouTube, I have a tip or two. The biggest one for me is to consider putting the video on 2x speed. This might make it a little bit harder to concentrate on what’s being said, but if you are able to concentrate, the idea of turning a 50 minute lecture into a 25 minute lecture just motivated me so much more to actually sit through them. A lot of professors don’t do this and make you sit through a 2 hour lecture through powerpoint though and it’s not a good time. 

Also if it’s on Youtube, try going somewhere besides your usual study spot to watch it. I would literally take baths and watch lectures on my phone and those were some of the lectures that I learned the most from. 

You can also screenshot specific slides from lectures if you have a hard time taking notes. Sometimes professors will also have a little transcription of their voiceover in the slide notes, so try taking a look at that. 

Basically, I get most of my work done when I make a to-do list and try to get things done in that order. It’s really hard to do, but it’s one of the most helpful things that I’ve done.

Just remember that not everything I said here is going to help you. Some of it might, and that’s great if it does, but everyone’s brains work slightly differently, so what works well for me may not work well for you. 

No im not doing it i dont care

[skillele]

Baseline to Measurement

I completed the same tasks for my first measurement that I did for my baseline performance. This included the two strumming patterns and the chord progression. Although, I noticed that for my baseline I played Fadd9 instead of Am. This mix-up ended up helping me in the long run (more on that later). When practicing, I decided that playing to a song helped me with knowing when to switch a chord. So I tried this out with the chorus of “House of Gold” (vocals only). I set the playback speed to .75, which was a good starting speed for me.

Practice: After a week of practicing, I noticed that I was starting to gain anticipatory behaviors while playing. For example, if I was playing F to G, while playing F I would look at the chords that form G. Additionally, I would think about the positioning of my fingers on the G chord. This was a highlighting moment in my practice time, because it was some sort of evidence that I was retaining something out of this practice. My ultimate goal is to flow and become fluid in every aspect of learning to play ukulele and this gave me a little confidence and proof that it’s possible. I think that’s a crucial factor in learning any skill, having the motivation to pick it up, but also keeping that motivation when no progress (or interesting progress) is shown. 

As far as the mistake in practicing the wrong four chords I mentioned earlier, this helped my methods in diminishing some practice/order effects in playing the same four chords in the same order. My first measurement includes the same four chords, but my practice with the song switches up the order and replaces a chord (remember Am—>Fadd9). On a side note, Fadd9 is still a beginner chord, here’s a video that provides some explanation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zOgwD-TQME. 

Measurement: I followed the same procedure as baseline when measuring my first performance level by recording myself playing the chord progression with the strumming pattern (with all fingers and then just thumb): D-D-U-U-D-U. This pattern was executed 2x for each chord.

My initial goal in the semester was to work on my strumming, however I got the hang of it more quickly than I had anticipated--moving from a simple down strum to the D-D-U-U-D-U pattern. So I felt like my next goal was to get comfortable with the fret side of the uke. This would include the motor movement involved in forming my fingers into the correct chords, pressing down on the strings (with enough pressure), and switching between chords with ease. I struggled with these areas the most at baseline, so I felt they were most appropriate to measure. I decided to count the total errors of the whole session and separated the errors into three groups: dead notes, finger pressure, finger placement/adjustment.

Here’s a graph comparing errors at baseline and the first measurement:

I also have a graph of completion time for each session:

Note: I did not focus on timing for this first performance session since that wasn’t part of my goal, however I wanted to note that it took slightly less time for me to do the same task a week later. 

Thoughts on improvement:

Pros: I enjoyed my new technique of playing chords in a song with the vocals included. I find that knowing the words to a song helps with knowing what notes to produce and timing (for when I start to practice that). Overall my measurement session felt less “calculated” when it came to decision-making. I felt like my chord switches and strumming were a bit more fluid compared to baseline. I think I have gotten a lot better at the motor aspect. One major change I have noticed is my shift in hand position. I find myself slanting my fingers so that I don’t touch other strings that results in a buzzing or dead note sound. 

Cons: I am feeling a little uncomfortable with my wrist after playing for awhile and I’m not sure if it is from this shift I am making. I also notice that I’m sometimes using my thumb to hold up the ukulele when I make these shifts. I know that people play in a way that’s comfortable for them, however there is a standard posture that a ukulele player should adopt. They say there’s a YouTube video for everything, so I plan to find a few to help fix elements relating to posture.

[bestillmybeefyheart]

Good morning friends across the globe, good afternoon evening and night to those who it applies.

It’s Wednesday. Hump day as some call it, I call it another day on the sofa for whatever is wrong w me that month day. I know its a longer name and finding a card for it is impossible but so is National I May Have Eaten Your socks and I’m sorry day but that doesnt stop me.

So... just a follow up on my world or summary since, you know, I have nothing else to say due to it being so early and my brain is not working.

Leg... doing well. I did 3x10 of my basic foot movement PT work yesterday (dorsal and planar movement, circles, writing letters and numbers). It wasn’t easy, I had to do it slow and not push, but I did it. And since I’m only down a week w my foot in the wraps after surgery not 2 months, it went well. Let’s only in minor discomfort today. I’ve also been putting more weight on it as it comes back to life so to speak. I’m excited, proud and anxious. If I’m going to do this I’m doing it right. Dr also said I dont need PT if I dont want it and that we could review in a month in case I hit snags. I think I can do all my home PT and be fine and once I can ride my bike I’ll be peachy. So good there.

My insomnia is there as always, but since I have the leg pain and some pain pills, Ive been timing my pills halved with my getting near bed time esp if I had a long time. Walking on crutches is literally more work then you’d imagine and by the end of the day I’m super sore as is my foot. So I sleep or med sleep for a few hours instead of being up all night a zombie. FWIW I am not dependent on the meds, I take them purely to stay ahead of pain esp as I push myself and my foot. Always halves and only as really needed. Been down the opiate addiction road before so I’m careful. Despite having zonked out just past 10 last night and waking at 645, I’m still a zomb today like I am every morning. I am not a morning person.

Folks are going out of town for a week starting today so I am dependent on my brother and Uber and what food is in my house. And what I can have delivered. As long as they dont shut off my internet before the date agreed (another story will share next) I’m good. I hope. I’ll be busy working my foot. I have a month of this before next appt. Its frustrating for sure, I feel ok, I want to get out, but I’m supposed to be letting my leg heal. Last time it was pain pain pain and the sofa was great. This time, I want off this crazy ride. At least I can get stuff and Uber. So thats good. And most of you would say “being home a month Dr orders and getting paid is a dream”. It was a year and a half ago. Now it’s just, I need out and a life, lets say that.

Internet... SOOOO, being home all the time, I hit my cap a lot, and before a few months back they didnt enforce it. Bring on the 4k, data flies out left and right, I hit my cap in 4 days of 4k binging, learning that 4K eats your bandwidth alive, esp in the older format. Note, YouTube runs 30-55MBps when playing 4K. Which is why theirs looks amazing. Sorry Apple TV 4K users, they dont support 4K in their YouTube app. (Or any app, their 4K is horrid, dont waste your money on the new Apple TV and if you doubt me, I have hard proof and 4 other peers who agree who are industry). So I call internet provider to see if I can get some help, a break, a discount, some small refund for overages. 7 year customer, they told me more or less screw you. So I told them to cancel my tv and internet and eat my butt. So I have till the end of the month to find a new plan. Or call back until I find a good employee who understands. They didnt even try, just told me tough. Id name the provider but lets face it, any provider name would fit in there. What sucks worst is, I am grandfathered into the most perfect tv package for $30 a month with ALL my channels minus BBCA and Freeform. And I can get my 2 FF shows off Hulu. And Doctor Who off iTunes. The same plan now to everyone else is $80, so Id lose that huge discount. And be stuck with OTA.

Tivo, collection and ocd. I have ocd, I have a desperate need to tivo and download everything I record, collecting shows and keeping track of episodes I’m missing. I will not be able to do that with anything but locals once this change happens. And none of the online streaming tv services let me save the files and convert for Apple TV use. Sad about losing that, it’s giving me bad anxiety. I’m still upset the provider couldnt be bothered to even begin to give a crap. Angry about it too. But I will make sure the new provider knows. I’ve already got one who has offered me a switching bundle that is half the cost of my internet now and free tv for 6 months. Of course they only offer 50/1 and I have 150/10 and use 6-8 of that 10 out every night. My security system can’t even run 1 camera off 1 out, and I have 5 running at night, 3 day, doorbell cam and 3 more in boxes to be mounted. So that is a problem. This whole thing is eating me inside. Which is why I want to get on my feet and biking, an hour or two on the bike is not only good for me physically but also emotionally and mentally. And its 1-2 hours Imnot using internet or watching tv.

Let’s see... I finished my chili sadly. 6 meals out of 1/2lb of meat, 1 can beans, 2 cans tomatoes and some Williams seasoning plus water. FTW. I just wish I had more I love me some chili. I could have made that last bowl be 2, ate more crackers but I had the last crackers so I ate all the chili. It was damn good. So worth it.

Lists... I missed this as I was not really “here” but I have to say this and its all I will say, making lists is bad, burn books, etc, any list that excludes no matter how well intended, is a recipe for disaster. Names that shouldn’t be there get put there, people are ruined, others worry they are on it even though they are good people, it ruins friendships and more. Hitler had lists. McCarthy had lists. Say no to bad people lists. Love you fellow man and woman and whatever you identify as, hug and talk and show them you are good and care, that is all that matters.

Stretch yawns - you know how great a stretch yawn feels? It doesnt feel so good when it makes your injured leg move in ways its not ready to move, tightens muscles that aren’t ready to tighten. And yet,I just did it and it felt good overall minus the foot pain. A good stretch yawn can solve world problems. its like a yoga move that your body just knows. :D

What else... Its 50f here. Sun is up and bright, so bright that the light coming through the door is so intense I thought the kitchen light was on and barked out an order to Alexa to turn it off. It didnt, I asked again, then realized DOH it’s sunlight. Silly windows. Lol. I’m old and slow so excuse me if I take a minute to catch up. I’m like watching a movie on a dialup modem, I take a long time, you have to watch me buffer a lot, but in the end I’m worth it. :D Ha, sorry couldnt resist.

Speaking of modems. I found out that AT&T throttles you when you’ve hit 10GB of internet usage via personal hotspots. (Was looking at it as a stop gap for home but I’d hit 10GB in a day.). They throttle you down to 2x 56k modem speed. Seriously. WTH? Its 2017, most major countries have crazy cheap and fast internet and no one is throttled. Here in the US, the providers run wild and unchecked and do whatever they want because they know you are screwed and cant do a thing about it. Sounds like our countries leader right? Except I cant call and cancel him. I wish.

Since its Wednesday, I was going to do a hump day picture, but my camel is in the shop. So here’s a gif of a goat instead.

Love, b

PS, get this, a search for “goat” in the GIF section here came up with NO GOATS. Its a goatsperacy!!!

Still love, b

[wishingfornever]

11/21/17 – No Contact:  Impatience

I’m impatient, I think.  I can’t stand watching youtube videos under 2x speed.  And even then, I mindless click away.  I have no patience, hence impatient.  Maybe I’m restless.

I went out to apply for some jobs.  Not much now.  Applied for the HEB. I’ll apply at other locations soon.  Again, I can manage for another two weeks if need be.

Hrm… NationStates.  It’s a riot.  A few days ago, I decided to comment in a thread asking if your nation (YN) would be able to defeat the above nation (AN) militarily.  I use stats to determine my nation.  That’s obvious. However, I also avoid certain stats in lieu of my own.  Instead of having 2.022 BILLION citizens as of writing this and have the population of China and India, I choose to limit myself to 10 million people.  The reason for this is simple: 10 million is an easy number to remember.  Cuba has a population of 11-12 million and my country is supposed to be smaller than Cuba.  I figured the population gap would decrease with my massive technological increases and healthy citizens.  May be wrong, but whatever.  The Dominican Republic has my population and is about the same size as my theoretical nation.  Probably smaller.

Ah, just checked.  By my own lore, it’d appear my nation is smaller…

Anyways, population of 10 million.  Military might is in the top 4% in the world, almost top 3%.  Scientific Advancement is top 3%, unsure how close it is to 2%.  We’re top 3% in health, intelligence, and healthcare.  Top 4% in information technology, pacifism (shut up), and top 22% in Arms Manufacturing. My nation’s military uses conscription.  I’ve meticulously written out the inventory, taking into account military spending, what I can and can’t do with said spending, and based the inventory off other REAL world nations with equal power. A lot of thought and planning. This guy…  Dis muthafucka.  He says he can take on ALL that “In a longshot” so it wouldn’t even be close.  Upon further inspection, his population in game is 45 million.  That sounds impressive, but if we really did population stats I would win without end based on that alone.  But I don’t because population is too damn high.

His arms manufacturing is top 14%, information technology is at 20%, military is at 21%, has a death rate of 21% (top 21% in the world, mind you and not only 79% survives to adulthood), scientific advancement is at 28%, and everything beyond that is just… crap. Now, clearly by stats alone he’d get DESTROYED.  Even if he had 42 million to my own lore’s 10 million.

Here’s the thing. This muthafucka… his active personnel is 12 billion out of 19 trillion.  This is HIS OWN LORE.  Reserve of 10 billion, 2 million WMD’s, 1 million nuclear, 100 million chemical, and has all this other scifi sounding crap like “antimatter” or “black hole bombs.”  I mean… really?

He has ONE billion active ships with ONE billion active sailors.  These are all in space, I assume but I’m not sure.  Makes you wonder how many people are required to run something that’s called a “Ship” of course, but whatever.  And, of course, there has to be more people running logistics on the planet and won’t actually be on ships.

Then there is Air and Space with more ridiculous numbers and he uses a screenshot for a Helghast from Killzone and says, “Super secret supersoldier project.”

I mean… seriously? What’s stopping me from retconning my lore and just saying, “Yeah, well we have 50 trillion people and 12 trillion are military and I have another trillion ships with only 50 pilots who are so advanced they can fly all trillion ships WITH THEIR FUCKING MINDS!!!” I’m not trying to crap on him for using Future Tech (or FT).  My Nation (from now on will be referred to as MN for simplification’s sake; should have done this sooner but whatever) is certainly bordering on Future Tech, thanks to the HUGE advancements in science.  Not the top, but definitely near there. Walter and I wanted to device a bit of a cold war and to demonstrate some games for settling disputes.  It would have began with Wargame:  Red Dragon, had Kerbal Space Program, a few others, and ended with Supreme Commander.  That certainly would have been future tech. I designed MN to basically be… flexible.  I’ve prepared not just military histories but also political ideologies.  Mostly for conflict purposes, but these conflicts aren’t EXCLUSIVELY violent.  In fact, my own nation’s lore has been that MN has never beaten an enemy in ANY combat until 2017.  Really, my history is just supposed to be funny but also balanced. I REALLY want to get a thing started with other nations where terrorists happen and try to blow up things and use a game like CS:GO or Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes to simulate successes of counter-terrorist and law enforcement or their defeats.  I thought it’d be very clever.

Regardless, most of the history is very… historical.  MN began as an uncontacted tribe who was a sister tribe of the Aztec but failed in mostly everything, Spanish Settlers come in and settle on their way to Mexico, MN was mostly ignored as a colony and accidentally was granted independence, had a republic with a presidency, was often confused as Mexico or Cuba depending on the time period and nation, was slow to adapt new ideas, had a monarchy that later became a republic again, and during the previous century because a Fascist dictatorship who hated jews.  Mind you, there were only two jews on the island and they were retirees from Brooklyn.  They were never harmed but quietly respected, meaning when Fascists were running around yelling, “Kill the Jews!” they would quietly bow their heads in the presence of the Jewish couple and say “...except the Rosenblatts.”  Pacifism!  :D

Anyways, that fascist dictatorship was toppled by Communists.  That basically leads into today.

Almost Cuba.  More a mixture of Cuba and Mexico’s history, depending on how you see it.  So, depending on the game I should be fine.  For example, say… there is a multiplayer game based on city building for the wild west.  I’d basically be using Mexican assets if it were the wild west.  Or if it were based in the Caribbean during the cold war, I’d obviously play as the Cuban option.  And if there were a game in the early 1800’s or earlier, I’d play as either Spain or a Native Population like the Aztecs.

Well, what if it’s based in the Ancient World? I’ve settled this too.  Apart from the Aztecs (because they’re not always available), Spain and the kingdoms that made Spain would be the choice in this scenario (Castile, Leon, Asturias, etc) but in a world where the kingdoms of Spain haven’t been formed yet? The Spiritual Successor of MN is Syracuse.  An aircraft carrier has been named “Siracusa” which is the name in Spanish.  So, I’d basically be using a greek template.  If in between Spain and Greeks, I’d be using Goths (Visigoths to be specific).  I try to avoid using Rome because they tend to get associated to Fascists (thanks to Mussolini) and they’re always overpowered.  Keep in mind, most historical games tend to be either historically inaccurate or extremely warlike. Usually both. Don’t get me wrong, I like war games. Real time strategy, real time tactics, shooters and what ever else there is.  All great fun.

However, I wish there were more… peaceful games like Kerbal Space Program. Just something where I don’t need to try to destroy the other person but try to manage myself.  Tropico is a fine example, but eh. Multiplayer games tend to require conflict.  I guess I’m saying I wish there were more peaceful multiplayer games.

Of course, in the same breath, I also wish more of the violent games had a unique shtick.  For example, I think one such game that’d be fun would be a TURN OF THE CENTURY Counter-Strike.  Here me out: In Counter-Strike, you set up bombs and release hostages.  Well in the late 19th century and early 20th century, there were these political extremists known as… Anarchists!  Maybe you’ve heard of them. Here’s the thing.  They were FAR more extreme than Anarchists today.  Trust me, I used to roll with Anarchists today.  These guys would constantly explode shit, sabotage shit, even assassinate people.  They assassinated Tsars, Kings, even US presidents (as well as Non-American Presidents).  Like, the French dedicated a newspaper article dedicated to them called “The Dynamite” but in French for some reason. Now, in CS you just plant bombs or rescue hostages.  In this hypothetical scenario, the game modes should be planting bombs and maybe also hostage rescue… but also assassinations!  A nameless, NPC king or Archduke has to be protected from the Anarchists.  Maybe have NPC civilians who loiter or whatever.  Guards against Anarchists. How the game is done is really irrelevant.  It’s more a concept to expand on CS.  NPC’s of course need programming… but if done, you can run around with a hidden pistol and just shoot the nobility up close.  Have an animation where a guard pushes the nobility down and protects them with his own body.  Have an Anarchist set up a sniper position in an apartment complex and have a team of guards clear out the houses for suspected Anarchist activity. Ah… a beautiful dream, no? Programming, however, is hard.  NPC’s are just a pain in the ass to work with.  Not many games actually have decent pathfinding. However, that could be good. Anarchists should be dressed as normal civilians.  Would add to the affect, right?  Hard to spot.  The guards actually have to watch out for suspicious behavior.  Of course…  NPC’s are dumb.  So, they’ll shoot a civilian or whatever.  And you’d need them to want to NOT shoot civilians. And there could always be game mods without Civilians.  Planting bombs or whatever so it’s basically CS before WWI.  I think it’d be fun, but then again… what do I know?  :3 Anyways… yeah.  I think my original point was why do people insist on their own stats?  Like, I WORKED to get my military that high.  Pacifism just came to me.  I can understand if someone wants to do FT instead of MT (Modern Tech) but come on.  Be a little reasonable.  Like, I won’t ever imply my nation will do something if I don’t have the stats for it.  If I do have the stats for it but I don’t like the stats, then I’ll work to change it. In that regard, why don’t I just say we’re backwards and uncivilized until I reach the correct stats again?  I bitched about that a lot. The thing is, I worked for those stats.  Even if I wasn’t trying for them, I got them.  The population is one thing, but those stats… yeah.  I think they’re more influential because there is about a million nations in NationStates and MN happens to be one of them.  If those Nations were reduced to only 100 nations and all of them were placed on a ladder with the lowest percentages at the bottom and the highest on the top, I’d be the top on most the ladders.  For my military, only three other nations would be above me.  And that’s not even my highest stat. That is crazy. Of course, a lot of nations have been destroyed so I doubt there are 1 million active nations.  Really, just a lot of defunct nations with only a few thousand actually active. A lot of nations don’t use the NS Stats.  They impose their own…  Honestly, I can be fine with that.  However, when your nation becomes the Grand Duchy of Maryland-Sueberg, then you have a problem.  Overly powerful nations… they annoy me. So much so, the first war in NationStates I’ve participated in with MN was against a Constitutional Monarchy of the Puerto Rican Empire.  They were pretty Mary Suish, but they had to be replaced due to inactivity.  Thus I fought against someone else representing them. They had a 10 million man military, and my population then was far less than theirs.  Their lore was that Puerto Rico got independence and some how managed to annex some islands… then they were attacked by Cuba, Haiti, and the Dominican Republic because they were “Jealous” and thus formed a coalition and declared war… Casus Belli:  Your hat is shinier than our three hats. Dumb.  It was pretty dumb. An issue happened between PR (Puerto Rico) and MN where they basically were liberating the Bourgeoisie of MN who fled my nation as if it were the Mariana Boatlift. Um… okay?  It’s not an event I got, they declared that they sent their navy there to rescue an oppressed people. Thing is, I’m fairly certain he thought the Bourgeoisie was a race rather than a class.  Because he said people identified as being Bourgeoisie…  Sure thing.  MN is Marxist-Leninist and had a classless society, but you know what?  I rolled with it.  This was perfect. I used this intervention as a VALID Casus Belli (reason for war) and announced my intention to declare war.  We were in the same regional alliance at the time so I had to get it approved.  It was. PR… I wish they were still around.  They were top 1% in religion and had Fox News.  They were ultra right wing when I was super left wing (top 3% in Secularism due to Marxism).  We couldn’t have been more opposite.  He had unrealistic views of his nation and I had realistic goals.  However, I had this little thing that I written up earlier this year specifically for warring nations in the same regional alliance. Basically, it was what I used to declare war. Such a brilliant document outlining and trying to have a fair 1v1 tournament that used population to determine the battles required to win in game.  Normally, the defending party would choose the game but it was the first time this document was being used so… yeah. This was a practice run, basically.  They had a larger population than me so I needed more victories to beat them.  Of course, they went inactive so another nation in the region took their place and represented them. I won several and lost one.  The war was placed on hold because the prelude to this Esther mess and… well, it hasn’t really ended.  I took stats and meticulously recorded the casualties and used a random percentage to calculate the fatalities as opposed to wounded. Basically, I would have won the war so it never really mattered.

I regret it not being the REAL PR but whatever.  His replacement was fine enough.  It was more to settle a point.  If you think your nation is hot shit and your leader is this fantastic general, your arrogance will betray you.

Looking now… there was this gentleman who I had the misfortune of playing with (in Wargame: Red Dragon, same game I used in the PR War) to just test it out.  Was supposed to lead to a grand war, regional even with three vs three. Thing is, this guy was far more advanced than me in the game.  I don’t remember his stats because he seemed friendly. I was deceived.  I managed to beat him and he couldn’t be more upset. He claimed I helo rushed him when in reality, I had two helicopters in the middle of the match.  They went around the flanks and hit his spawn at the same time.  It was a coordinated effort to give my forces a break because he pushed HARD.  I was only slowing him.  By the time he realized what had happened, he sent forces back to destroy my helicopters but not much was accomplished.  I won after destroying basically everything. Thing is, he had anti-air.  But he claimed I helo rushed and I would be GLOBALLY REJECTED BY THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY IF I KEPT DOING IT!!! Yeah, well I knew what a helo rush was but I wasn’t going to confront him about it.  I asked a pretty well known player about it and he said, “Nah, not a helo rush.”  So, I’m not crazy.  He certainly was though.  Haven’t spoken to him since, seems his nation is now defunct.

Whatever.

I’m not well.  I don’t feel well.  Something in my stomach.  I feel like I should be worried.  Strange.  Today, however, shall be important.  Regardless of how I feel.  The future is mine to take. I’m going to begin Rosetta Stone today.

Everyone messaged me in the middle.  I’ve been ignored all day but the moment I get into something, everyone comes out of the woodwork. Typical.

Anyways, the previous segment was written BEFORE I took Max out on a walk.  I just came back.  A little tired. Honestly, haven’t been eating much but that shouldn’t a surprise. What is surprising is how well I’m doing on Rosetta Stone!  :D I blasted through the first three lessons on level 1 for disc 1.  The final lesson will complete the level.  So, assuming they’re divided like this in all the other lessons/levels/whatever it should take me about 3 hours per level with 4 levels per disc and they’re 6 discs… should take me a solid 3 days to go through EVERYTHING.  That’s a rough estimate, of course. Honestly, I think I sped ran it.  I was doing very well.  Of course, it was a beginning course and I did restart when the damn program couldn’t hear me.  I was sitting there yelling “WHITE!!!” as loud as I could and eventually it went through.  I mean… it’s “Blanco” but basically yelling white because blanco is white in Spanish.

Ariel is under the impression that I can speak Spanish.  I told her I couldn’t before but she’s forgotten.  I’ve allowed her to believe this for a few years now.  Doesn’t really come up.  If Spanish ever comes up, it’s so basic it’s not even worth looking up. Oof… this girl I’m talking to.  Not Ariel, another one who I’ve not mentioned.  I referenced her, but never stated her name.  I discovered she has a purity ring.  She’s a few years younger than me AND VERY attractive.  And…  I think I know why she has a purity ring.  Victim of sexual assault.  She’s had trauma she hasn’t told me about, so I know something happened. I’ll be gentle with her.  Same thing happened to Esther and Ariel.  :/ Of course, that’s something most people don’t like to reveal.  And… well, I’ve revealed it for Esther and Ariel multiple times.  I want to go back and change it, but… I can’t.  I told myself I wouldn’t in the interest of upholding the truth.  What I believe in.

Of course, you may think I’m crazy.  I’m not.  I don’t think I am, at least.  I don’t care if I’m viewed in a negative or positive light.  What does it matter?

Eh… it’s getting late.  I’m pretty tired.  It’s only 6.  I want to go to bed.  Well, if I do go to bed I’ll go to bed early… and I can wake up early.  Get started on everything.  This… may be my break.  I can finally do what I planned on doing.  Took me long enough.

[stephenaltrogge-blog]

Life has felt pretty crappy lately.

Now let me just say that, in the grand scheme of things, my life is pretty much cupcakes and bounce houses. In a world filled with Boko Haram, school shootings, cancer, and a thousand other heart-wrenching tragedies, my life is pretty cushy.

Nevertheless, it still feels…hard.

For the last three months, we’ve had a least one child sick and home from school almost every day. On top of that, my old nemesis depression has been dogging my footsteps, making me feel like I wake up under a dark cloud.

It’s been hard to wait for the Lord to bring relief. Rest. Peace. Joy.

And I know I’m not alone. All of us have something we’re waiting for the Lord to do.

To bring a spouse.

To give life a barren womb.

To save a wandering child.

To repair a once-treasured, now shattered relationship.

We know God is faithful. We know that he’s good and the loves us. But it’s so excruciatingly hard to wait for the Lord to act. To move. To deliver. To rescue.

Thankfully, Scripture itself is a story of waiting. Abraham waited for a son, Joseph waited for deliverance, David waited to be made king, Israel waited for a Messiah, and we all wait for the return of the serpent crusher.

God’s word has much to say about how we wait. Biblical waiting isn’t passive, like waiting for a train to arrive. It’s an active, aggressive sort of waiting.

So how do we wait for the Lord in a way that honors him, fills us with hope, and gives us strength to carry on even when we feel like we’re in the dark?

Here are four ways.

#1 – We Wait For The Lord In Faith

There are two types of waiting.

The first type is unsure, fearful waiting. We’re not sure if God is going come through, as if he’s some sort of unreliable parent who forgets to pick up his kids at soccer practice.

We hope God delivers us…

…but what if he doesn’t?

This kind of waiting is displeasing and dishonoring to God.

The second type is waiting in strong faith. We’ve run all the numbers, calculated the odds, and can’t figure out how God is going to come through for us.

Nevertheless, we trust him because we know his character. We know that he’s infinitely good and loving, and that he will deliver us, even if that deliverance isn’t the kind we expected. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 spells it out clearly:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

When life is in shambles, one of our greatest temptations is to lean on our own understanding. To try to figure everything out. To play out every scenario in our heads and determine which one is most likely.

We become like divine weathermen, trying to map out which way God’s providence will blow.

But when we wait for the Lord in faith, we make a conscience effort to reject our own understanding. Our understanding is extraordinarily limited.

I mean, seriously, think about it…

We’re aware of about 1/1,000,000,000th of what is happening in every circumstance.

God knows everything that’s happening in our lives and HE knows exactly what he will do.

Waiting that honors God is characterized by faith in his character.

#2 – We Wait For The Lord Loudly

Have you ever noticed that when David was waiting for the Lord to deliver, he was very loud about it?

For example, in Psalm 35:17 he says:

How long, O Lord, will you look on? Rescue me from their destruction, my precious life from the lions!

David waited in faith, but he certainly wasn’t quiet, meek, and mild while he was waiting. He was constantly crying out to the Lord for deliverance. At times, you could even mistake the intensity of his requests for irreverence.

But David knew that God was good, faithful, and kind. He knew that God loved to give good gifts, including deliverance, to his children. And so, like any child, he asked for that deliverance repeatedly and loudly.

Jesus reinforced this truth with the parable of the persistent widow. She pestered and harassed the unrighteous judge until he couldn’t take it any longer. If even a corrupt judge will respond to persistent requests, how much more will our loving God?

Waiting that honors God is characterized by persistent pleas for deliverance.

#3 – We Wait For The Lord Patiently

When it comes to waiting, I am the world’s least patient person. They could make a reality show out my impatience. When traffic gets congested, I transform into Jeff Gordon, cutting left, zagging right, anything to make forward progress.

If a YouTube video buffers for more than 3.2 seconds, I’m gone. Heck, I even watch some YouTube videos on 2x speed (IT’S A SICKNESS, OKAY?!!).

When it comes to waiting for God to deliver me…

…again, not so patient.

To quote Queen, “I want it all and I want it now.”

And, of course, God always gives me what I want, when I want it, because I know what’s best for me.

Except that I don’t, and if God did give me everything I wanted right when I asked for it, I would probably be dead or living in a van down by the river (See: Matt Foley, motivational speaker).

Psalm 84:11 is a sharp reminder of how God operates:

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

If something is good for me, God will give it to me at the appropriate time. He’s not going to hold back a single blessing from me, and he’s going to give them to me when I’ll get the most goodness from them and he’ll get the most glory.

It was good for David to be king of Israel, but first he had to hide in the desert caves.

It was good for Abraham to have a son, but first there needed to be no doubt that both him and Sarah were completely barren.

It will be glorious when Christ returns, but first the full number of people must be saved.

God doesn’t serve up undercooked blessings. When the time is right, he delivers the full course meal.

Until then, we’re called to wait for the Lord patiently.

#4 – We Wait For The Lord Dependently

The Apostle Paul knew a thing or twenty about waiting. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, he wrote about his thorn in the flesh:

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This thorn in the flesh was no joke. Paul was no pansy. He had been tossed in prison, almost stoned to death, beaten with rods, pursued by people who wanted to kill him, and shipwrecked, all for the sake of the gospel.

And yet, this thorn was so bad that Paul pleaded with God three times to take it away. Whatever the thorn was – blindness, persecution, demonic attack – it was made Paul feel desperate for deliverance.

There’s no indication in scripture that God ever removed the thorn, but what we do know is that while Paul was waiting for deliverance he depended mightily on the sustaining grace of God.

Paul’s thorn forced him to throw his entire weight on God’s sustaining grace and power. That was the only way he could survive.

The same is true for us. The only way we can survive in our waiting is to throw ourselves fully on God. We are completely and totally dependent on him.

If we don’t wait dependently on the Lord, we end up bitter, dried up, and hopeless. The only way to survive the long dark is to cling to Christ, the true light.

We wait for the Lord dependently, relying on his power and not our own.

Don’t Just Stand There, Get Waiting!

There are few things harder than waiting for God to deliver us. But it’s crucial to remember that even when it feels like absolutely nothing is happening, God is working.

I’m reminded of the scene in the C.S. Lewis book Voyage of the Dawn Treader when the ship sails into an inky black cloud. They encounter a man who tells them that they’re in a place where their nightmares come true.

Just when things seem to be at their worst, Lucy calls out to Aslan, asking him to deliver them. Suddenly, a brilliant, shining albatross flies over the ship and around Lucy, who is standing in the crows nest. It leads them out of the darkness and back into the light.

Lewis then writes:

But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, “Courage, dear heart,” and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan’s, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face.

You may be in the dark, and it may seem as though it’s never going to end.

But take courage, dear heart.

The post How To Wait For The Lord When Life Feels Like Garbage appeared first on The Blazing Center.

[lewiskdavid90]

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