#I wasn't built for this shit
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So, my mom was telling me how much free time I have, and I was like, "I have no freetime wth do you mean?????" And I just wanna see if this is like. A normal way to think of things?
Things I need to do:
Finish reading icebound land
Make a whole lotta art that I promised people
Research study abroad programs
At least one Dutch lesson a day
Keep my room clean
Talk to my friends so they know I love them (and so I don't go insane)
My math homework
Keep myself clean (showers, finally brushing my teeth after months, etc etc) so I don't go insane
Eat at 7pm
Various things I enjoy as to not go insane
All from 6pm to 9 pm, every day, after being at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and then The Public (teen center) from 3:30 to 5:30, and I need to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00
So, basically, I'm "on the clock" from 7 am (When I start getting ready for school) until 9 pm, with no breaks
But yeah no I totally have free time. Yeaup
#“but you never actually do that stuff! you just sit and scroll!”#yeah cause if I'm not doing what I need to I'm not Allowed to do anything else#but I'm just. too tired. to do what I need yo#I hate high school#rambles#adhd#executive dysfunction#<- I've heard that this kinda mental math can be a symptom of those things? idk#im so tired#burnout#adhd burnout#(????? I think????)#high school#I'm just so tired of all of this#the sun is going down way too early and I barely speak at all at school and I never finish work early anymore and the teen center is loud#and I still want to be active in the fandom but I don't have time to make posts anymore#and I don't have any in person friends anymore and I don't know when the last time I got a hug was#and I'm just. so. tired. my room is clean and I have good grades and I talk to my friends everyday and I shower routinely#why the hell am I so stressed#I do everything I'm supposed to do#I just want to go somewhere else man#The Netherlands hopefully#I wanna actually DO something#go on a trip for band#not just finish the work put in front of me day after day after day after day#I wasn't built for this shit#I'm so fucking tired
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Fuck sunny days, who the fuck thinks this is nice
#this might just be a result of my living at high altitude but goddddd it's so glaring#and any temp over 75F is awful#i wasn't built for this shit
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Who wants to bet that Anders was planned to be in that post-credit's Executor cutscene montage but they changed it to Bartrand when they realized it would go over real badly with everyone?
#clarification: 'go over way worse than it already is now lmao'#you're telling me that everyone from Loghain/Corypheous/Bartrand/Magisters Sidereal were all 'guided' or some shit#and not anders?!!!#someone had probably realized that it'd look real bad to imply that Anders only acted because of the guidance of some shadow Illuminati#that he only blew up the chantry because some snake man whispered in his ear and went HISS HISS HISSSSSS BLOW UP THE CHANTRY BITCH HISS#and not because the building was representative of the system that had systematically allowed mages to be abused for literal ages!!!#HE REMOVED THE CHANCE OF COMPROMISE BECAUSE THERE WAS NONE#they taught the people to fear mages and justified it with faith#a faith abused/omitted/adapted to suit their own narrative#they then gave those people they taught to fear weapons and told them to protect/enforce the chantry's doctrine#they looked the other way at abuse because to confront it head on would shake the foundation of the system their authority was built upon#to ensure they were loyal/efficient they made the templars dependent on lyrium at the cost of their own mental/physical health#no matter how many good mages and templars there were - the chantry had both groups on a leash and would never have allowed them to change#whatever you think about anders as a character - he wasn't wrong in telling us that the chantry was at the heart of the problem#bless whoever kept anders away from this mess lmao#i love you Anders <3#the only character in all of DA to have agency apparently!!!!#fuck the executors#datv spoilers#datv critical#bioware critical#veilguard critical
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being single is all fun and games until it eats you from the inside out
#i wasn't built for this shit aaaa#perhaps I'm just too lonely but being single is really not good lol#rambles
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emulation >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> original hardware in all but the most edge case scenarios where there's a worthwhile hardware gimmick. the gap is only going to get bigger as emulation improves and as the oldest consoles get older. aging hard drives are failing, disk drives are failing, capacitors are failing, but you know what's not failing? you can bet your clit a download of Basketball.a26 isn't failing
#shit from the 2000s is Rotting#do you REALLY think OLDER shit is faring better?#'uwu it was built different'#i assure you it wasn't.
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Eleventh day of cringetober 0_0
The prompt was 5+1 things and I had no clue what to do.... until I remembered my suffering skrunklies...
If you repost this on another website, please give credit. Do not put my art in any ai or repost it as your own work. You are free to use this as a pfp as long as you credit. Any like or rebblog is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading! -dixidin
#why are like the tens in word form so weird so write. like wtf is an eleventh#also do you remember when people called characters or things skrunkly#I miss that....#just when it was popular at least. that word scratches my autistic brain#cringetober#cringetober 2024#artists on tumblr#digital artist#digital drawing#digital art#my art#artwork#art#shit famdom tags#creepypasta#creepypasta toby#genshin impact#genshin capitano#genshin noelle#honkai star rail#honkai star rail argenti#yukio deadpool#drawing this kinda killed me but rome wasn't built in a day
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i think when talking about Shigure, it's important to note that he was constantly operating under the assumption that the curse would eventually break on its own. he saw Kureno's curse break with no outside interference, and he's spent enough time with Akito to know that her hold on the curse is greatly weakened. in Shigure's mind, the curse was on its way out: it could break in twenty years, or ten, or maybe even as little as five. his efforts are just a way to speed up the process so he can be with Akito quicker (and to save the other zodiac members but that's not really his big priority). so while he 100% took the most selfish route by catering to his own plans instead of helping the other zodiacs survive the curse, his personal justification was likely "it will eventually break anyway so all of the zodiacs will be freed regardless of my interference" instead of just "i don't care about the other zodiacs so they can go ahead and rot."
#real talk i don't think shigure would've put up with half of akito's shit if there wasn't a failsafe built in#he may be a selfish jerk but he's not an outright monster#if it looked like the curse was going to be a lifelong thing he would've stepped in more to help#but the time limit on the curse allowed him to justify standing back and watching#bc it would've been over soon anyway so what did it matter if he played his games in the meantime?#and again. that's selfish and cowardly behavior#hence why shigure is so frustrating bc there's always a seed of good in his actions that's wrapped up in so many shitty layers#but i firmly believe shigure does care ab the other zodiacs and wouldn't have abandoned them to a fully-powered curse#fruits basket#shigure sohma#sage speaketh#analysis#edited for your convenience#(<-capitalized the names)
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my lightcone-less acheron was doing fucking 200k and i got so mad at her 💀💀😭😭 so sorry queen, never again
#same with firefly except idk even with her relics back she still does 2 damage per amber era#mf you have fugue step up#okay 2 damage per amber era is mean but still give me one reason your ungrateful ass is doing less than 200k per target#everytime i try to build superbreak welt and then Forget i feel like an abusive parent#like yeah no firefly shouldn'tbe doing less damage than hmc but you see she has himekos old stuff on#so i was mad for no reason and would like to apologise#she was built in one and a half evenings never will i het that lucky with artefacts again bro but it shows#on the matter of acheron goddamn im never making it out of that stupid fucking relic domain#anyways i wonder why i wasn't able to do jack shit in apocalyptic shadow#hsr#acheron
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ngl i've been dealing with burnout for nearly this entire year and the goddamn hurricane Did Not Help but by now it's shifted to this very weird flavor where i'm like constantly rotating drawing ideas & full fics i want to write in my brain & Really Wanting to work on them but then once i get as far as opening sai or google docs i just go "hm. dont wanna"
#trousled rants#i'm blaming my shitty freshman year of college idc. started so strong and then my second semester gave me 13 well-researched essays........#fun fact if any college freshmen are reading this & also still learning to navigate freshly-diagnosed disabilities um. dont do that#a lotta ppl can handle it fine but im a new media major bro im not built for that shit. i am getting a degree in shapes and colors#anyway this is mostly me explaining why i've been so inactive lol. obviously helene did A Number but i was already smoldering before that#i'll get back to ebony eventually.....i'll update napstabot eventually........i'll get back on the atbb refs grind eventually..............#i actually got as far as finishing both sf bros & moving onto stretch since i last worked on em. but i have to redo him bc i dont like ittt#the pose wasn't working w me and the small changes i made didnt give him as strong of a silhouette as i thought lol#there's also a oneshot idea i've had in my brain long enough to know exactly what words i want to use to describe certain specific details#i know precisely how it starts and how it ends and how i'll transition from one thing to another and how to make it all connect#and i have not written a single sentence 👍#blah blah u get it another update from my wambulance#at this point i'm just annoyed about it more than anything ngl#may things get So Much Easier in 2025. or god help me i will make it everyone else's problem
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This post is going to be rambling and speculative to say the least, but...You guys would tell me if certain types of gates had 2 ends in different times/locations (like a wormhole of some kind), right?
Like if, say, El opened the 1979 gate to Dimension X in Nevada, and that opened something to Dimension X in Hawkins in 1959, that might explain the supposed presence of monsters in TFS.
Then what about 1983? Could the 1983 gate in Hawkins have opened something in Nevada around 1953? Is that what's so special about Nevada in the 50s?
Was there a gate in Nevada in the early 50s?
(An aside, because I have to: Richard Brenner ran HNL from 1954 to 1971. Martin Brenner seems to have been there since 1959, and was in charge by 1983. Just...shrimpresting to me. Martin Brenner...you aren't a nepo baby by any chance, are you? Asking for a friend.)
And with that...you guys would tell me if Dimension X existed outside of space-time, right.
Like okay, running with the 1979-1959/1983-1953 Hawkins-Nevada theory. Henry didn't shape the Shadow until post-1979, but we do see him drawing it, fully-formed, in 1959.
If Dimension X exists, theoretically, outside space-time...then could it be possible that a young, pre-1959 Henry met post-banishment Henry via a gate in Nevada in 1953-1954?
[cocks gun] Hey Henry, in an attempt to change your fate/escape HNL ("Something that would change everything"), did you retroactively give yourself the Shadow?
Which, if it's retroactive, might explain why ST1 Jopper et. al. don't immediately connect TFS to ST1. TFS Henry may or may not be flayed, but that may not have gone into effect until 1983-1984. Thus the adults don't connect it, because it technically hasn't happened yet...or to this version of them specifically.
See: Stranger Things Day Discrepancy #1
If this all ^^ is the case, but Henry doesn't ultimately change his fate, then instead of finding the Shadow post-1979, Henry would reunited with it.
He's been known it for over 25 years. He's been flayed, and it sounds like it likely wasn't a pleasant experience, given the way VR Henry reacts to the Shadow as compared to Canon Henry:
Canon Henry reaches out to the amorphous Shadow and shapes it. VR Henry rejects it immediately. VR Henry wants the Shadow to go away. Canon Henry beckons the Shadow and shapes it.
(If there was a Henry who already had control of the Shadow, it might also answer the question of who the hell is manipulating it in the VR trailer...but again, it's speculative.)
This all might also answer a long-standing question of mine: How the hell did Will know that closing the gate would work?
Will gets flayed in 1984, and he's only flayed for a few days. In fact, he's really only possessed for about a day...and supposedly, no one has ever seen anything like this before, so it's not like anyone suggested it to him.
This means Will figured out how to cut the connection with the Mindflayer in less than a day, while under extreme duress.
Which sure, you could hand-wave it as hive mind stuff...but what if there was someone who already knew how to cut the connection? Say...someone who may not have been the primary target anymore? [Smash-cut to 4.06 Brenner: "Well, well, it looks like we have a new winner"]
Tangentially, it's so interesting to me that Will would have morse code memorized so well that he can use it under such insane duress, something that only Hopper, who's father was a WW2 vet and who was once military himself, recognizes in ST2. Will doesn't show any proclivity towards morse code until this point, though. He could have used morse in ST1 to talk to Joyce/Hopper in full words via the lights, if he knows it this well! But he doesn't.
That leads me to ask—Who do we know that:
is heavily associated with the Shadow/Dimension X
may been possessed/flayed in the past
may have experience neutralizing the Shadow
had a father who was in WW2
is around Hopper's age/is of an age where knowing morse code would be common
(The answer should be glaring, let me know if it's not)
What more did El have to learn about Henry via NINA? What was the truth Brenner meant for her to see/was withholding from her? Why does it feel like certain characters have been scapegoated, and that we may have had a man on the inside (or rather...the other side) this whole time?
Tangentially related speculation re: Will, the lights, and Henry under the cut
It makes me wonder, again, about Stranger Things Day Discrepancy #2:
If Will's messages don't count, then why does this set of messages count? Is Will even in the real Upside Down at all?
See: Stranger Things Day Discrepancy #3 and #4
(I know at least my group of friends has been thinking that Will's UD isn't the same as Nancy's or Vecna's since...forever)
And if Will isn't in the UD, then who is? Who's blinking the letter-lights, and why is that considered the first message from the Upside Down?
Why is TFS, a story about Henry, considered "the origin of the Upside Down"...
and not ST1 Mothergate/Will's disappearance?
Who made the letter-lights blink quickly, rather than the slow, glowy way Will does it with the white lights? (See also: The slow glow when the other kids touch lights in the UD/the LiteBrite)
Which program has been shown having kids with powers quickly blink lights on and off with their minds?
So again...why does it feel like we've got a man on the inside?
#spoiler tagging just in case...but I really don't know shit about fuck aakjdfsdjk#tfs spoilers#st: tfs#time loop theory#This isn't even touching on Vecna/the other timeline. This is just Henry and the Shadow...#Hey Brenner...is Soteria built to repress Henry's powers or the Shadow...or both? Answer quick.#''It wasn't supposed to end like this'' I'm sure it wasn't!#Which...this path would further support the 4 guys/2 Henries 2 Edwards thing
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Have you guys heard about The Line?
#not that I really think it will successfully be built the scope of the project is insane#but seriously this is some dystopian nightmare shit#I would be fascinated with the million ways this can go just so poorly if it wasn't going to effect real people#sstfu.txt
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you ever miss your comfort character so bad you gotta go outside about it
#idk i've been pretty stressed that's probably why i randomly got rly sad abt it#and by it i mean the uh. gestures vaguely at fandom i guess#either nobody's there or it feels like i'm not exactly welcome. or both! which tough shit i'mma take up the space regardless but like#this weird sense of elitism I get in a space that's built by and nurtured by people whose MO is 'caring a lot' is.. hm.. interesting#idk just got reminded this morning that some people view critique as a free pass to drag a creator through the mud#when what you SHOULD be doing is uplifting them so that they can improve and reach their maximum potential. you clown. you absolute buffoon#it wasn't targeted at me or anything it just made me so angry/sad. smad. i'm smad about it#i just get hit with a wave of what's the point. what's the fucking point nobody cares abt things made with passion for the love of the game#we don't have time/it's not good enough/it doesn't matter/it's been done better/why x when we have y#and you know what fair enough everyone's entitled to their own emotional responses of course.#if you think your opinion is reason enough to tear it down then we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one i think#just keep in mind that you could have loved what they made. other people could have loved it. it could have changed something for someone.#i personally know artists and have worked with artists who have put so so much effort into making something work over and over and over#only to have no audience and get back up saying guys let's give this just one more try.#hell back in the day I was an accomplished writer kid who was told that you may be good but nobody gives a fuck#artists who use up all these resources just to bring something new into the world and nobody's looking. what's the point. what's the point#anyway. i'm gonna go wade through the snow for a bit maybe sink my bare hands into it you guys want anything#started the post thinkin abt my blorbos ending it crying putting my shoes on alright I'm going I'm GETTING the FRESH AIR fuck off#i'll be god once i've gotten a bottle of coke and some mozzarella sticks. wait am i pmsing. fuck#god i hate that i don't drink sometimes.
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gonna be real I dont think Koujaku would actually have any hangups about drunk sex that guy definitely slept with plenty of women off their shit or high as fuck
#caz sez#maybe if theyre absolutely shit faced he wouldnt but genuinely i dont thin he cares#he doesnt seem to get drunk and he wasn't effected by the lights even tho he was never exposed to them in the old district#so hes either immune to drugs ans alcohol or hes built up a tolerance
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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infinite wealth if sawashiro said "who gives a shit about ebina im going to hawaii with ichi" and then the rest of the game is a family vacation
#Ok so here's my dream scenario. It starts w kicking kiryu out of the narrative bc girl. I love the guy but he does not need to be here!!#kicking him out of the narrative also banishes the ebina stuff. I'm still keeping him around but#he'll be basically built up to be the main antagonist of 9. We're ONLY focusing on the cult stuff for 8#the way 8 closes him off is already sequel bait so give him a proper focus game w 9#Anyways now that that's out of the way. My worstie sawashiro does indeed become a party member.#His moveset is mostly blade damage w some blunt damage mixed in. YES I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT GAME MECHANICS#His singular elemental move is him flicking a cigarette at the enemy. Yes this is based off of that one scene w ichi in 7#ANYWAYS I HAVE MANY IDEAS I CANT TYPE THEM ALL OUT RN BUT. FAMILY VACATION ARC. PLEASE#ITS INSANE TO ME HOW KASUGA 'I LOVE MY FAMILY' ICHIBAN WAS NOT ALLOWED TO PROPERLY INTERACT W HIS FAMILY???#AND THE MAJORITY OF SAWASHIROS CONFLICT INCLUDED CAST MEMBERS WHO DIDNT GIVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT HIM????#I keep thinking back on that scene where ebina shows him passed out on that chair and THE INTENDED AUDIENCE FOR#THAT SCENE WAS AN OCEAN AWAY LIKE GIRL. WHAT WAS THE POINT???#well another perspective of that scene would be that sawashiro would be glad that ichi wasn't the one that came to rescue. which is. Misery#me when characters are defined by their guilt 💥💥💥💥😵💥💥💥😵💫💥💥💥😱💥💥💥💥😫💥💥💥#Well. If y'all read all these tags. thanks. If anyone is curious about this self indulgent au that I've created feel free to hit me up#(Please hit me up I'm desperate to talk abt the arakawa family misery and I deeply wish this game was even more miserable)#rgg#nile talks
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*through clenched teeth* no matter how hard i try i will never change the minds of the purposefully misguided because they are choosing to look at things from one bad faith perspective to convince themselves that they are right and no matter how many times they're proven wrong, they will turn a blind eye and continue to claim a false moral high ground
#gahhh i KNOW they won't change their minds but like. do you not see whats in front of you? do you not see the story that was told?#i know you're doing it on purpose necause its easier to convince yourself that the Real Reason you hate him#is because uhhh remember how he used to be ten years ago? remember how he used to act? ignore the fact that his entire character in those#episodes was supposed to be “reformed bully” to more effectively convey the change that hen and chimney instilled at the 118#ignore the fact that this entire show is built on the idea of second chances and redefining yourself#ignore the fact that josh looked down the barrel of the camera and said sometimes we hurt others to protect ourselves#things we aren't proud of. things we can't excuse or defend. but you have to understand it even if you don't like it.#the entire thesis for this show is people change and grow and become better if given the chance#and tommy was given the chance and did a lot of work to improve himself off screen#even before he came in season 7. he is officially in the henchim family in season 2#going out to bars together isnt smth you do with your piece of shit coworker you hate#throwing a party for your coworker#but none of that matters. because you all decided the minute you realized that they were telling a love story#that you didn't WANT to like him#but its not that you didnt like HIM. its that you didnt like the relationship. because it wasn't the one you were rooting for.#you're working backwards from that conclusion and finding the pieces along the way#so nothing i say. no matter how many times tim minear says that tommy changed and grew#no matter how many times buck says that he loves tommy. no matter how many times eddie hen chim all say tommy is cool#you will still sit there seething at the idea that buck fell in love with tommy and not eddie
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