#I was watching a TikTok last night about how people are more inclined to be rude to retail workers and service workers in general

[magisdiary]

reject evil, return to kindness.

[histrionicwoman]

‘Girl, Interrupted’ Isn't a Good Movie, You're Just Fifteen

This is a piece of writing that I am going to release on my Medium page in the near future. Link in my bio to follow me there.

I know the title of this might be a little presumptuous of me given that I myself am a seventeen year old, but I’m just going to have to ask you to hang in there with me for this one.

Last night, I stayed up a little later than usual (4:00 am) and watched a movie that had been on my list for quite a long time: Girl, Interrupted. I had some pretty high expectations for this movie, being not only a teenage girl, but also one strangely invested in the “indie sleaze” scene. The movie was not good. I know that might upset a few people, namely the ones plastering edits of the movie all across my TikTok For You page along with a Fiona Apple or Radiohead song, but I think I have some good reasoning for my opinion.

The movie was just… dumb. That’s really the only way I know how to portray it. Girl, Interrupted was like if someone tried to make a Harry Potter movie, except for instead of magic wands and owls the girls had varying mental illnesses and severe individuality complexes. I can’t express to you how frustrating this movie was to watch. 

So why are teenagers so fixed on it right now?

I’d like to propose two theories on that front: Fashion and sadness.

If you’ve been on TikTok recently, preferably the “indie sleaze” side of TikTok that I mentioned earlier, you’ll know that sadness is never efficient on its own anymore. There has to be a glamorous twist; a haunting Lana Del Rey song in the background, your $450 Marc Jacobs outfit fully in view, a full face of makeup melting off your face as you cry. This is the way to be sad. This is the way to portray your mental illness, this is the way to let your followers and peers know that you, too, experience a range of human emotion and aren’t like all those other ogres showing only their happy sides on their public accounts. A part of me kind of feels proud of these people on TikTok, strangely, because they have achieved some semblance of openness, something I haven’t really been able to do. But another part worries for them and everyone in the audience, because feeling like you can’t cry unless you have your $30 mascara on can’t feel great, can it?

I’ve got to give the movie credit where it’s due, though; Girl, Interrupted really nailed the whole “depression chic” thing. I mean, look at these girls’ outfits: Jolie’s emaciated t-shirt look (a popular thing right now, strangely enough; I could write a lot more about this if I was so inclined), Winona Ryder’s quintessential 90’s hipster getup (why??? It’s set in the 60’s), and Brittany Murphy’s complete serve-a-thon with her 60’s housewife-chic looks. I have to say, I am a bit biased for Murphy’s outfits. They were great, and that’s something I think a lot of other teenagers are attracted to in this movie; it somehow has all of the current trends encapsulated while also being a vessel for some semi-relevant piece of “commentary” (if it can even be called that) on mental health for girls. The bad thing about it, though, is that the commentary is just… bullshit. It really isn’t anything. If I had to try to pick out a meaning of the story, I’d say something like, “Don’t make friends with the girl who’s been in the psych ward for eight years,” or “If you’re a ‘sociopath’, you should really sit down and think about your actions instead of being so mean to everyone all the time”. As a viewer, you don’t get much closure at the end of the story and it just seems like Susanna got better and left everyone else to go be normal again. 

The thing that truly perplexes me about the current fascination with this movie is the question: what are people getting from this movie that I’m not seeing? Is there some message that I didn’t receive? In my Letterboxd review of the movie (shameless plug: tinymandarin on letterboxd), I said something along the lines of “Maybe I just don’t like low-rise jeans enough to understand this movie”. I would love to believe that a part of me is just missing the point of Girl, Interrupted, and that it’s a really good movie. But I really don’t think it is. I think the people who are loving it right now are younger teenagers who need some sort of relatable mental health story for people like them, who need their pain to be wrapped up in a coat of fashion and glamour, like a pet taking medicine. I’d like to end this by saying: If you’re a parent whose child likes this movie and wants to buy baby tees and low-rise jeans, by all means let them do it; but also check in on them and maybe show them a better movie to project their emotions onto. This one’s not very good.

[liam-93-productions]

Liam’s full interview with Tings Magazine - Part 1

Note: the interview was recorded in may 2020.

Justin Campbell: What is the weirdest YouTube/Instagram trend hole that you’ve fallen into? Liam: One that always gets me is putting Mentos in Pepsi or Coke. We all know what happens, but we have to watch the ending. I’ve seen it about fifty times, and it doesn’t change. But it’s weird finding out what things are interesting when you’re stuck inside. It’s a crazy ride watching the world react to this. It’s almost like everybody’s become a street performer. You see these people on the street who have a special skill like magic and the internet is now the place for that and everybody does it. 

Do you feel pressured to participate? Is there currency in that? Does that keep you relevant? I think artists have had to change a lot to fit in. There used to be mystery where you didn’t know too much about their lives, whereas we are in my living room now for all the world to see. I think that’s the biggest change of these newer platforms. I think you have to join in if you want to stay relevant. If you look at someone like Jason Derulo, he has 19 million followers on TikTok and he just started. His old songs are re-charting because of the TikTok chart. So, you can’t just make music and expect it to go well anymore. There has to be a personality and a story. It’s not quite the same anymore. 

There’s so many differente avenues to keep up with. There’s Instagram, YouTube, TikTok. It used to be you did radio, tours and late-night television. Now there seem to be a dozen things to do.  It’s crazy, this last promo schedule for me, having to do it indoors. I had to learn how to do a bunch of different jobs for the people that couldn’t be here. We put up a green screen in my lounge. We moved all the sofas, me and the camera guy that is staying with me set up the green screen and then you have to film it as well. It’s just crazy the amount of different things that you have to get involved in right now to stay relevant. And that’s all it is. The majority of the stuff isn’t really doing anything, but it’s doing loads at the same time if that makes sense. It’s a difficult thing to get used. And also, things have gotten jovial. So, you have to learn to make fun of ourselves. You can’t be Mr. Serious pop-star anymore. People aren’t really attracted to that anymore. People like the fun side of you, your personality and your humor come through on these things. It’s crazy. I thought about when I joined TikTok the other week, there’s a pressure to film something fun. But then if you are not having fun filming it, you’re not going to film a fun video. And I didn’t want to live my life every day thinking I got to film a video or nobody is going to care. I spent an hour trying to think of stuff and I don’t want to live my life like this. I enjoy then. I like going on TikTok and getting lost in a little TikTok rabbit hole, we all do, but I don’t know if I’m that way inclined mentally. 

With the need to share more, to share a comedic side or a vulnerable side, where do you draw the line? When do you stop sharing? How much of it is constructed sharing and how much of it is authentic sharing? It’s difficult. I’m very prone to enjoy a moment rather than take my camera out and film it. I’m always one of those people who take a picture of a sunset and then never look at it and say why did I bother taking the picture. I’d rather enjoy the moment. We live in a day and age where the camera phone is people’s first thought for things. And I’m just not one of those people. Humorous stuff will happen and it will be off the cuff, but we didn’t film it. And it will be like “aw, should we recreate it?” But we don’t want to recreate it. It just feels stupid. It always feels forced in that sense. So for me, I definitely struggle with sharing moments.  And you have those people out there, who are literally willing to do anything. There’s a trend for people who are shaving their eyebrows off at the moment. I’m not going to shave my eyebrows off so people will care a little more. That just doesn’t register with me. You have Jake and Logan Paul, who do a lot of crazy, crazy things to get noticed. And it’s like where do you draw the line. 

These platforms make it challenging to carve out a private life. People expect more and more of celebrities’ lives to be shared. They feel they have ownership of every aspect of people’s lives. What are your thoughts on that? From the start of this lockdown, the first James Corden TV performance was filmed in the lounge and we went through my whole house. I can remember back in the day when a newspaper sent out the photos of my house. I don’t like people knowing where I sleep because it’s a security problem for me. I had a big complaint about that. Now fast forward 5-6 years and the world has changed to where nothing is really a private or intimate moment. It’s strange. As One Direction, we were in an era on the rise of Twitter. I think Twitter helped us a lot. It was the way we trended on Twitter that actually made us famous. But being on the cusp of that internet stardom, we didn’t really care about how many followers [we had].  Now, it’s become a currency. I just struggle to take those things seriously, that it is part of the job because it feels so foreign. When we had apps as kids, there was no way to becoming MSN famous. Now kids want to be an Instagrammer or a TikTokker. It’s crazy. We never had that. 

You said something about people chasing the currency of liked and follows. Kids are thinking about that validation when they are creating content. How much of that are you thinking about it when you create music or social media/video content? I think, for me, I don’t often pay attention to how many likes thing gets. As a pop star, you have to have an average amount per post. We have to have meetings now where people will go through posts, and tell you why this works. Which for me, it seems insane, but you have this persona that you have to keep up online. And definitely, when posting certain things, you are gauging whether it’s going to get a reaction or there’s no point in posting it. And that’s always been the problem for me. I’m hoping for a big reaction for stuff which limits the amount you post because you think there’s no point posting this.  Often the people who do the best in these scenarios are the people that didn’t mean for it to happen. Someone makes a little challenge like The Ice Bucket Challenge. Someone thought I’ll do this. It will be fun for us to film and because they are having fun, everyone is like we will get involved. If you think about it too much, it will overtake you. For the longest time, I didn’t post a lot. I got off of Twitter because of the backlash and the fact that you are always going to annoy someone with a post. I was like, I can’t deal with it. I might as well keep it to myself. There’s no disappointment. 

I think that’s part of the condition of being an artist. You crave a certain amount of validation.  When it’s work, you can take that some people won’t get it. But because everything has become so personal now like it’s about you. You sell your personality to people. It’s like if someone asks you “what five things do you want people to know about you”. And everyone goes, well, I’d like to be... You suddenly think, what we are doing every day online is trying to sell ourselves.  It’s a difficult balance. You have to have the right amount of humor and humility and the right amount of this. It’s so difficult to find that person. And you see people who become caricatures of themselves online. They overdo it. You don’t know what works any why it works. The internet is such an untested experiment. The public decides. It’s so crazy.

You just said that it can feel so personal, which I think is such an honest statement because when you are putting yourself out there, it is hard to celebrate the work and you. When people don’t like something, it can feel like they are personally attacking you.  It genuinely scares me sometimes. Even to post a selfie, because you just don’t know what the recipe is. I’m not trying to impress anyone. I’m just trying to stay around if that makes sense. I don’t know, it’s difficult. The fact that you just let it go and it’s gone and people either take it or leave it. It’s like jumping on stage every time you post, which scares me anyway. 

You’ve spoken pretty openly about dealing with depression and anxiety. How does this level of exposure impact your ability to manage your anxiety? Before all of this started, the first day of school would probably be when you are your most anxious. Or it’s your own clothes day and you don’t know what to wear. That feels like what everyone is going through every single day online. It’s like the teen generation has so many more questions to answer that we had. I know as a kid I was quite stressed. I can’t imagine how these kids feel these days.  The only way I can relate is by how I feel in this scenario. Obviously, being a little bit older, you are a little wiser with it. I thinks it’s a different kind of pressure these days. It’s a worldwide pressure. The fact that anyone can become a superstar overnight or also the most embarrassing thing in the world and the line is that thin. I can’t imagine what is like for kids growing up in that scenario. For me, it’s raised a lot of questions about my mental health and having to deal with these things. I’ve been running a pilot with someone for people in my position, people who struggle with fame, with the position that they get themselves. You don’t really realize the playbook you’re pressing. Once you’re in it, you’re in it.  I started from 14-16, were my two start years. And the only answer that people had for you was that you’ve got have thick skin. But I don’t think that’s really the point because once you are here, you have to find out if your skin is thick enough. You have to learn. For the longest time, if somebody wrote something about me in the press, I’d rise back up and bring back up. I didn’t realize they were trying to bait me out because they knew I’d do that. Then they’d write three more articles about the scenario that I didn’t want them to write about. You can only know that with years of experience. If something comes out now, I just leave it to die and go away and that’s it. I just think it’s difficult when people say the only answer is that you have to have thick skin to do this. 

That’s not really a solution. That’s just saying you asked for this. This is just part of it, which I don’t think is fair. Is fame something that you struggle with a lot? For me, there’s different periods, severe highs with different things and a lot of questions about stuff. I’ve been going at this now for ten years, which seems insane. I’m only 26 as well, which is quite a long time to be doing anything. And to be in this pressure cooker for that long is quite difficult, but I say I’ve learned to deal with it better now. Age and time are wonderful things. And we were buffered as teens. We had each other in the band. When I look at someone like Justin Bieber, I think no wonder he went completely mental at some point because there is no one in the world that knows what is like to be Justin Bieber, but Justin Bieber. He had no one to share it with. We had each other to share it with, to remember it with and be reminded how to behave, how to act. You shouldn’t do that. It was tough at some points, but for the most part it was helpful growing up in that team exercise rather than be let off on your own and you’re the most famous person in the world. It must have been pretty crazy for him. 

[francoiserenaldt]

week two

last week | next week

warnings: cursing, references to homecoming,  references to alcoholism, implied arachnophobia

word count: 2139

Sunday, August 10th, 2023 - Day 8 of quarantine

“I don’t know why I keep looking at this TV like it’s not gonna piss me off every time I turn it on.” Desirée huffs before shutting off the TV. 

Andy is inclined to agree. He knows that the city is begging them to stay informed, but every day is just another announcement of a case popping up in another state. So far, it’s taken Oregon, California, and Nevada. CNN says it’s only a matter of time until it spreads to every state. The United States has officially closed its borders to limit the spread of what the media is calling the “Westchester Plague”.

“I wouldn’t bother looking at it anymore if I were you.” Andy zips up his jacket. 

Desirée raises an eyebrow. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going on a run.”

“Andy,” Desirée spoke slowly, “do you understand we’re in the epicenter of an epidemic?”

“I can’t stay in this house anymore, Desirée!” Andy snapped. “I’ve started talking to the fucking toothbrushes. I will lose my shit if I have to stay in here any longer.”

“Do you want to die?” 

Andy rolls his eyes and turns to go open the door when he feels her body against his, blocking the door. He sends her a warning glare and tries to step around her, but she follows his movements.

“Trust me, I get wanting out, but until they tell us how it spreads you need to stay here.”

“Desirée, you don’t understand-” He tries to go forward, but once again she impedes him by putting her hand on his chest.

“I do understand and that’s why I’m telling you to stay.” Desirée glares at him, forcing Andy to meet her gaze. “If it’s airborne and you’re inhaling it through your mouth and nose while you run, you’re as good as dead.”

Andy knows she’s right—she usually is—so he backs down. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” 

“We’ll get through this.” Desirée gazes up at him. He notices that her hand is still on his chest and he decides that he doesn’t mind the way it feels. “Together.”

Monday, August 11th, 2023 - Day 9 of quarantine

Andy gets sick of waking up in a bad mood and unplugs the TV. 

We’ll get any alerts we need from our phones, he decides. 

Desirée shakes her head when she sees the unplugged cord lying next to the TV. “You could’ve just changed the channel, you know.” 

“I could’ve,” he agrees, shrugging. “Didn’t feel like it.”

The TV is plugged in when he gets out of the shower that night.

Tuesday, August 12th, 2023 - Day 10 of quarantine

That night, Andy watches Desirée grab a dark-colored bottle and sit in the living room. He follows her and takes the bottle from her and reads the label.

“You drink cognac? What are you, 50?”

“I’m miserable being stuck in this house is what I am.” Desirée pours the contents of her glass down her throat, her head tilted until it was perpendicular to her back. Without so much as a grimace (how?), she turns to him and raises the bottle. “You in?” 

“What the hell.” Andy shrugs. Not like he had anything better to do. He pours his own glass and chokes down the searing sensation as it travels down the length of his trachea.

“Hey, where’d you learn to drink like that?” Andy asks a couple of glasses in. 

Desirée shrugs. “Life is frustrating. Hennessy is not.” 

The pleasant warmth in his body allows him to accept the nonanswer. He looks at her and she’s still nursing her second glass with a pensive look on her face.

“Hey, can I ask you a question without you biting my head off?”

“You just did.” Desirée shoots back monotonously as she swishes the dark liquid in her glass. “No promises for the next one.”

“What’s up?”

At this, she bites the inside of her lip. Then, she spills.

“I’m scared. About all of this plague shit going around.” Andy nods and she continues. “I don’t know when or if we’ll ever get to go back to our normal lives after this. I don’t know if there will be a life to go back to after all of this is over. And what if someone we care about gets sick? It’s just too much to think about right now and I feel guilty for not wanting to think about it.” She pauses again to empty the contents of her glass into her throat before making eye contact with Andy. “You?”

“Me what?”

“Come on, I spilled my guts.” Desirée nudges him in the side. “Time to show me yours.”

“It scares me, too. Scares the shit out of me.” Andy takes a deep breath. “But there’s not much we can do about it right now. No use in getting upset about things I can’t change. It’s easier to work with what you’ve got; right now, all I’ve got is the present. I’m in this apartment I haven’t been in since 2019 drinking alcohol that no one under the age of 40 should be able to stomach while we hide out from the world.” She chuckles and reaches to fill her glass once again when he stops and takes her hand in his, bringing her attention back to him. “And I’m with you. That means that we’ll get through this for sure.” 

“Yeah, there are worse people to get stuck with.” She chuckles. The moment passes and she’s squeezing his hand and giving him a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Anytime. Preferably when we’re sober.” Andy replies easily. “What are friends for?”

He immediately regrets the words as soon as they pass through his lips, but he knows that that’s all she’ll ever let them be. Friends.

“We should sleep. It’s late.” Desirée stands and gathers the half empty bottle and glasses in her hands. 

Her forlorn expression gives her away immediately and against his better judgement, he lets himself hope.

Wednesday, August 13th, 2023 - Day 11 of quarantine

“A vaccine for the Westchester Plague is in development at the University of Michigan. The national count for cases has risen to 90. Stay tuned for information on how to protect yourself during this troubling time. More on this at noon.”

“All this time and that’s the name they’re sticking with?” Desirée yawns, stretching her arms above her head as she enters the kitchen. “You’d think they’d find something better at this point.”

“You got any ideas?” Andy teases sleepily as he rubs at his eyes. 

“I dunno, the Erosion Virus? The Skin Feeding Illness? Shit, Westchester’s Disease?” Desirée fires off effortlessly. “I came up with three more off the top of my head but they just want to call it the fucking Westchester Plague. Embarrassing.”

“What’s in a name, anyway?” Andy shrugs as he takes milk from the refrigerator. 

“Only everything.” Desirée passes him the cereal as she speaks animatedly. “People judge everything based off of a name. That’s why it’s important that a name is meaningful and not something a three-year-old could come up with. Why do you think people buy ugly Gucci and Prada clothes?”

“Okay, I get it.” Andy stands behind her to grab a bowl. “What I don’t get is why you care so much.”

“If someone told me that I couldn’t go somewhere because of the Westchester Plague, I’d laugh in their face. They’d have to be bullshitting me. I mean, seriously...” 

He shakes his head softly, laughing softly to himself. This girl is going to be the death of me.

Thursday, August 14th, 2023 - Day 12 of quarantine

“No.”

Desirée sighs dramatically, waving her phone in her hands. “Come on! It’ll be fun!”

Andy sighs wearily at this. “You of all people should know how awful I am at dancing.”

“Andy, half the people on this godforsaken app can’t dance. It’s just something to do to pass the time. Besides, I can dance, so no one will even be looking at you.”

“Oh, thanks, Desirée.” 

“No one’s gonna see this. I have like 10 followers.” 

Tom calls him later that night. 

“Dude, you and Desirée are famous!”

“What?”

“That TikTok of you guys is on every repost page on Instagram!”

Andy shows her the post of them on his Explore page later that night. 

“2.7 million views. Wow.” Desirée sucks in a breath and offers an apologetic smile.

“Not exactly my idea of ‘no one’.”

“Well, no one’s talking about your dancing, right? There you go.”

He chucks a pillow at her face.

Friday, August 15th, 2023 - Day 13 of quarantine

For a little while, it’s a day like any other in her new normal until he hears her scream.

He’s in the kitchen before he fully realizes what’s happened and Desiree is there, staring at the ground with wide eyes and shaking hands. 

“Desiree, what happened?” 

But she’s already shaking her head, pushing him away. “It’s not that big a deal, Andy. I got it.”

“Bullshit. You wouldn’t have screamed if it was nothing.” Andy attempts to shove past her, but she’s there with her hand on his chest again.

“Andy, I promise you I overreacted. It’s fine.” The fear in her eyes gives her away.

He gently squeezes her shoulders and moves past her to investigate and he immediately, in a brief flash of cowardice, wishes he hadn’t.

Because there on the kitchen floor is a small family of daddy long legs on the kitchen floor. Not quite as huge as the ones that night, but large enough that he can feel their nimble little legs crawling up his throat and onto his face all over again.

He finds his once active body immobile as his breath comes quicker and quicker until he can’t breathe much at all. 

Then, he falls.

He finally comes to in the bedroom. The sun still shines brilliantly outside. Desiree is at his side, stroking his hair gently. 

“Are you okay?” Desiree asks. He can practically feel the guilt radiating from her eyes as she takes him in.

“I feel okay. How are you?”

“You nearly got a concussion and you’re asking how I am?” She raises an eyebrow. He only raises his own in response, which prompts a sigh. “I’m fine. I’m sorry for exposing you to that.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“It definitely was, but I won’t argue with you while you’re concussed.”

“I’m not concussed, I’m fine.” 

“Definitely what a concussed person would say.” Desiree replies with a singsong tone. He scarcely resists the urge to show her just how not concussed he is, but his thoughts are interrupted by another question. “Can I get you anything? Water, tea, food? I think they still have delivery despite the fact that we live in the apocalypse-”

“Desiree,” the seriousness of his tone stops her speech in its tracks, “breathe. I’m fine.” He moves aside to make room for her in the bed, but pauses as an idea brews in his mind. “If you really wanna help, I could really go for a head massage right about now.”

“Head massages are a girlfriend privilege, but I’ll make an exception just this once.” Desiree slides into her newly minted place next to him as her nails find their way to his scalp.

“How did you get so good at this?”

“I give myself one every wash day.” Desiree replies easily as she grazes her nails against his head. 

“You know what I just realized?”

“Hmm.”

“It’s Friday the 13th.”

“Of course it is.” Desiree huffs a laugh. “My hands are getting tired. Are you good?”

“I’m great. Thanks.”

As the day winds to a close, he hears Desiree mutter under her breath.

“Friday the thirteenth indeed.”

Saturday, August 16th, 2023 - Day 14 of quarantine

“You know, I think I can do this.” Desiree tells him one night.

Despite the late hour, he humors her. “Do what, Desiree?”

“This.” She gestures at the two of them. “This being alone with you thing.”

“Maybe I’m missing something,” he starts, tilting his head just so his lips hover over her forehead, “but I thought we were already doing this.”

He feels her breath hitch more than he hears it, but she continues anyway. “I thought it would be harder to be around you. It shouldn’t be this easy.”

“Why not?” He tilts her chin up. ���We’ve never been awkward or uncomfortable around each other. That doesn’t have to change just because we…”

He suddenly finds his throat tightening at the thought of saying the words. Desiree allows the sentence to hang in the air.

“Hm. Guess not.” Desiree yawns, cuddling further into his chest. “Good night, Andy.”

“Night, Rée.”