#I was so happy to see she was sea worthy again!!!!

[mycological-mariner]

It does genuinely make me happy that the Barque Europa has been righted <3 I love her

[xoluvx]

crushed; b.eilish

Request: I feel only you can do this justice, but may I please request a Billie angst to fluff where Billie is somewhat oblivious to reader crushing on her, so every time bil invites her around, she's always flirting with other girls (like odessa & quen) and reader always gets quiet and just isolates herself. Then billie brings reader with her for all the album press, and while recording the chicken shop date, reader finally gets so pissed she just leaves and back at the hotel they get into a huge fight, but happy ending 🥹

aweee thank you anon, i hope you love it 💖

“Hey, thanks for coming” Billie smiled. It was the kind of smile that made your heart flutter for no good reason. A genuine smile that came from within and radiated throughout her face and instantly brought a smile to your own face. She hugged you and you melted into her warmth.

“We’re in here,” she closed the door before directing you to a room where a group of her friends were already chatting. They shot you a quick welcome before returning to the conversations you clearly weren’t a part of. It didn’t matter. You were here for Billie.

Did that sound a little desperate? Whatever, it didn't matter. So what? Should you be sued for crushing on Billie? Maybe. Considering the fact she was your best friend.

She sat next to you, talking about the new album. The voices of everyone else drowned around you as you focused on her. Her lips were so tantalizing and her eyes enchanting as she spoke with passion. You nodded feeling the fluttering feeling in your chest again. You were astonished how in a sea of people she was able to make you feel like the only person there.

That is until another girl walked up to her and sat on her lap. You hadn't even made yourself comfortable yet. You'd been here no more than what? Five minutes? And she just straight up sat on her lap in the middle of your conversation. You cleared your throat and shifted on the couch. Though Billie was still looking at you and talking to you, one of her hands was now holding the girl’s thigh and the other held her back.

Why did you come to these things again? Was your crush really worth it when it was so one-sided? Was she really so oblivious to the fact that you were crushing on her? Hard. Of course she was. You were best friends, but not like her new group of friends. There was just something about them that made you feel less than. Like you weren't the first person to be there for Billie since the beginning. Like they were worthy of all her attention and you were just "Billie's friend".

You excused yourself glancing at the girl briefly who was now whispering something in Billie's ear. Billie laughed watching as you left, but not really protesting for you to stay. Finding the bathroom, you shut the door behind you leaning against it taking a deep breath. The lack of oxygen was making you feel light headed and the previous flutter in your chest was now replaced by a deep pain. You felt like the room was shrinking around you.

Walking to the counter, you held the edge as you walked yourself through a series of deep breathing exercises. God, this girl had you in deep. So fucking deep you were in her bathroom breathing like a maniac because you were down bad.

Locating your phone, you opened up your message thread with her.

Not feeling well. Going home.

A few seconds later a reply came through.

You sure? You can rest in my room for now.

You watched the three dots pop up again, but nothing else came through. You could rest in her room, but you really couldn't stand being in her house anymore.

Thanks, but I'll see you tomorrow maybe?

Looking in the mirror, you wiped the tears you hadn't realized you were shedding and sniffled. How were you going to get through her album press tour like this? It should've made you feel special that you were the only person she invited, but really you felt like shit.

Of course she was going to take you. You were her best friend. But was that all you'd ever be?

When her press tour started, you tried really hard to bury your feelings for her. Before you boarded that plane, you made a pact with yourself. You were done with Billie. Any romantic feelings were squashed. She wasn't going to be the reason you cried anymore. And though you liked to tell yourself you were okay with that, you weren't. You really fucking weren't.

She made it so difficult. With her adorable laughs and awkwardly cute presence during interviews. You stood behind the scenes watching interview after interview. Every so often, she'd glance at you and smile like you were her home.

And you'd wonder if she was questioning how different you'd been acting. How much you'd been pulling away from her or if she just thought everything was okay and normal.

No matter how much you wanted to ignore the feelings, your heart ached each day. Especially each night when the two of you laid in bed because of course you were sharing a hotel room. And you couldn't cuddle with her like you did before these pestering feelings inhabited your heart and soul. You couldn't put yourself through that.

And it all boiled down to one moment. One moment where you couldn't hold it in. You couldn't pretend for her sake anymore.

The Chicken Shop Date.

You stood behind the cameras as she flirted her way through the interview. Her shy little awkward mannerisms making every ounce of your body tingle, but warm with envy. The sly flirty comments shot at Amelia, the glances like she wanted to eat her alive.

Fuck. It got to you. You felt so stupid. It. was. press. It wasn't real. But god you took it so personal.

Billie glanced over when she heard whispering. You were talking to someone on set. They were nodding and holding your arm. She couldn't see your face, but she furrowed her brows when you left.

“Yo, that was kinda rude.” The voice snapped you from your book. You didn’t bother looking up. You flipped the page until you heard the door slam and a pissed off Billie was standing at the end of the bed.

“Did you hear me?” She asked. Her face one of bewilderment when you looked up. “What was that about? Why’d you just leave?” She prodded lifting her shoulders like you’d done the most despicable thing.

You just shook your head bitting the inside of your lip. You were at a point of no return. If you snapped at her, it’d be done. You’d be done. You’d walk away. You’d fly home right now. You'd never talk to her again.

“Hello?” She snapped you. Oh … it was on.

“You’re fucking joking right?” Your voice cracked and you cleared your throat quickly because you weren’t going to break down right now. Not before she got an earful because she didn’t even know the half of it.

“You bring me everywhere and what? I’m just suppose to follow you like a little lap dog?” Your voice was more stern now as you tossed your book to the side not bothering to mark the page. It’s not like you’d been paying attention to the plot.

Billie furrowed her brows, her lips parting.

“Do you have any idea what it’s like being around you? Everyone loves you, everyone wants a piece of Billie Eilish and you just love it don’t you? You love the attention.” You’d gotten up by now, but you were still feet away from her and her sudden defensive stance.

“What are you talking about?” Billie asked.

“Fuck Billie. How about you put your fucking glasses on and look in front of you?” Your voice was laced with venom and you were aiming to sting and hurt just like you had. Just like the uncontrollable crying you'd done when you walked through the hotel door.

“I. Like. You."

“And you always make me feel like shit,” you whispered falling back on the bed sitting with your hands clasped between your legs, chest heaving as you tried catching your breath. Your tummy felt funny. You felt like you might actually throw up and not just word vomit. The tears were hot on your face and you leaned your head back trying to bring them back in.

Billie stood there. Silent. It felt like an eternity before she spoke.

"I didn't know," her voice was soft and she stood there like a scolded child.

"Oh my god, I'm so stupid," she added. It was like she was recalling all the times she'd invite you over just to give another girl attention. All the times she made you feel like she was crushing on you too. The hugs, the cheek kisses, the sleepovers.

"I just need you to tell me you don't like me. I need to hear it from you so I can move on," you turned to look at her slowly. She looked at your glossy eyes and tear streaked face.

"I can't," Billie furrowed her brows, her own eyes glossing over. She was awful. She'd made you feel awful and she didn't know for how long. And worst, if she'd only communicated with you then you would've known-

"I like you too," she whispered and sat next to you. Her body was still, facing forward not looking at you. Silence filled the room.

She liked you too?

"Then why," your voice cracked and you cleared your throat. "why didn't you tell me?" you asked.

"The same reason you didn't. I was scared. I didn't want things to change between us," she turned to look at you but you were still facing forward. She cupped your face and you froze. This new touch was foreign. It was filled with possibilities and second chances.

"Things were already changing between us when you started flirting with anything that had legs," you melted into her touch and Billie couldn't help but softly laugh at that. This elicited your own smile and when your eyes met you felt your heart exploding. Her watery eyes glistened. The blue piercing through your soul. The green bandana making them shine even brighter. She bit her lip before looking down at yours.

Was this really happening right now? Her body was leaning in.

"Wait," she placed your hand on her shoulder and she looked at you with confusion. "I want this, I want this so bad," you confessed.

"But?" Billie asked.

"But, I need to know you do too. That you're seriously into this. That you're not just going to run away," her eyes softened and she nodded pressing her forehead against yours. And maybe using 'run away' was a poor choice of words because that's literally what you'd been doing this whole time.

She brought you back to earth when she grabbed your hand placing it on her chest. Her heart was beating rapidly.

"Okay," you whispered.

Billie leaned in again and this time you didn't stop her. You let her lips meet yours in a tentative kiss. Your noses brushed as she tightened her grip around your hand which was still pressed to her chest.

You kissed again.

This time it was a deeper kiss. One poured with feelings and regrets and hope.

[yuphoric]

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME ❥ yuuta okkotsu (m) | part 1

➵ summary: Yuuta Okkotsu is head over heels (read: pathetically) in love with a girl who wouldn’t even spare him a second glance. When the opportunity to call her “his” arrives on a silver platter—that is, when she loses all her memories—without thinking, he grabs the opportunity to claim himself as her husband.

➵ pairing: obsessive stalker!yuuta okkotsu x f!reader ➵ word count: 1,163 ➵ warnings: MINORS DNI – stalking & obsession (for future drabbles? chapters? smut)

author’s note: ALL LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! <3 inspired by the 1D fanfic i read 9 years ago (“illegally yours” by _DaniMoon_)… ALSO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS……….. the yuuta brainrot was just sooo... bad i wrote all of this in one sitting SCREAMINGGGG

Yuuta Okkotsu is a well-calculated man; he’s a “mastermind” as Taylor Swift would say. He’s smart, and he’s careful. He’s everything but stupid.

However, when it comes to you, he becomes stupid. Stupidly in love. All thoughts of intellect trashed at the deepest corner of his mind, all reasons of rationality ignored. Even back in high school, he’d admire you from afar—too insecure to even place himself in your world. He never deemed his world worthy to accommodate you; you who he defines as perfection, you who shines brighter than any of the constellations combined.

When this seemingly perfect chance to have you, to love you, falls beneath his feet; he takes it—he grabs it. 

His day started like his usual routine. He greeted the kind barista named ‘Yuuji’ behind the counter and bought his usual coffee order from the small café he frequents at. He sat at the plush chair (technically, could be labeled as his own by how much his ass sat on it) near the window, catching sight of the beautiful morning scenery—

You.

You, at exactly eight in the morning, arrive with the usual twinkle in your eye. Yuuta falls in love more every day with the sight of perfection. In these typical mornings, you always carry a digital camera, taking pictures of your usual subjects; like the shop’s designs that change weekly (Last week, he recalled it was designed with cute little balloons to celebrate the owner’s birthday), the baristas which have become your friends, and the pastries layed out inside the glass display. He always wondered when he could be the subject of your pictures.

Once Yuuta hears the soft jingle of the shop’s bells, you dash over the counter and greet Yuuji. If someone would ask Yuuta what you usually order, he could easily recite it: “One sea salt latte and a banana muffin, please.” On days you feel like ‘experimenting,’ he knows that you would instead order a double shot of espresso and a puff pastry.

While he tries to not seem obvious stalking—admiring—you, he couldn’t help himself to let his eyes wander on your body. Especially when today, you wore the pink miniskirt he loved seeing on you, how it perfectly hugs your waist down to your thighs. After you pay, you walk to your designated seat: the one near the counter, just beneath the air conditioner. He shakes his head, turning back to his table; his hand grasping the ballpoint pen he brought to messily sketch the you of today on his journal. His ordered drink is neglected at the side, his focus on your sketch and his view of you by the corner of his eye.

Today seems like any other day.

Until it wasn’t.

The bells ring once again at the entry of another man with dark hair bunched in a top knot. Yuuta watches as your eyes light up at the sight of this man, and he could swear he feels his stomach lurch. Who is this man and why is she so happy to see him? The grip Yuuta had on his pen tightened, similar to the feeling of his vulnerable heart. Do you have a boyfriend he never knew of?

For the next couple of minutes, he watches the sequence of events play out. First, Yuuji delivers a tray of two different drinks and two different pastries on your shared table. Second, the sweet conversation you introduced to this ‘top knot’ (read: ‘top one asshole,’ as Yuuta conjured in his head) seemingly turned sour instantaneously. Then currently, Yuuta watches the back and forth of free flowing arguments between the two of you.

How dare this man hurt you?

Someone as perfect as you?

The chatter in the shop couldn’t mask the heated conversation you shared with the man across your seat. Yuuta desperately wanted to intervene; to say something, to wipe the leaking tears away from your face—but he stayed still. He remains unmoved. What else could he do, anyway? He watches as your emotions get the best of you; your face displaying emotions of frustration and anguish. Yuuta vowed to himself not to make you feel the way you do right now because of the asshole you were with, to not see these expressions on your pretty face.

You stand up, and Yuuta hears the loud screech your chair evokes as you trudge your way out. The ‘top one asshole’ remains seated, his back turned against Yuuta. With no other thought passing through his head but you, he follows your lead outside the shop. His coffee remains untouched, pen now bashed in his jean’s pockets and his journal pinched between his fingers.

He, himself, couldn’t calculate his next few actions.

Yuuta follows the blue sedan car you drive; he strikes closely behind you, not too near, but not too far either. His eyes zero in your form, maintaining the pace of his motorcycle. He hopes you don’t notice him following him for the past couple of minutes already; of course, he just wanted to ensure that you were safe—that you were okay. He was just worried, that’s all.

After the three alternating turns and the two highways you drove, the road the two were driving at started to get steeper. The cars and other transportation devices started to lessen and lessen. Yuuta feels the sweat start to drip down his neck, the helmet he wears starts to loosen, while he continues to push down all the weight of his body on his seat to control himself. He sees your car get faster than a lightning speed, your car evoking a loud screeching sound. 

What the actual fuck were you trying to do?

You seemed frantic, displayed through your driving. In a matter of seconds, you started to lose control of your car. Yuuta watches your car fishtail like a wild animal, spinning repeatedly until you hit a light post. 

He feels the adrenaline rush through his veins, as he pushes his motorcycle behind you. The exhilaration overcame his body’s fatigue from the extensive, one-sided pursuit. The reverberation of the screeching continued to pierce the tranquility of the road, resonating in the middle of almost nowhere. Yuuta feels his heart race, but not because he's in love with you; rather, it’s because he worries you got seriously hurt. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Yuuta mutters to himself as he sees dust erupt from your car’s tires, casting a cloud that obscured his view of you. He catches up to your swerved car, him haphazardly pushing down on his rear brake pedal. “What the fuck happened?”

He cautiously approached your car, his heart stuttering against his ribs. Yuuta peers through your car’s cracked window, only to see head laid on your headrest with your eyes closed. His gut wrenches at the sight of the blood seeping through the wound on your forehead; fortunately, the cut wasn’t too big, but it was deep.

What the fuck is he supposed to do now?

a/n: will post other parts to this!! planning to make this multichaptered?? I JUST LOVE YUTAAAAAA.....the brainrot is so bad imnfdndsbhjhbascdhjdajchhjajksjkjsdkdnwkejkdjw pls lmk what u think <33

[yandere4lyfe]

can I get a part two of the water god also do you watch or do the amazing digital circus or murder drones

((Here's part 2 of Yandere! Greek God x Mortal! Darking! And to answer your question, I have seen the amazing digital circus! I do not about murder drones, though. Is it interesting?))

The fates.

It was decided long ago that Ketos was to take a mortal woman as his wife. He was furious at first. 

He raged at sea for several days and nights, protesting the fates' decision. It was futile, though. Once something was decided, it was woven into the fabric of one's destiny, permanently bonded together. There was nothing one could do except to accept it.

Ketos couldn't do anything besides his fate. He did contemplate killing every mortal woman by flooding the lands, but it would have been foolish to do so. He didn't want to face the ire of Zeus, who would no doubt come down to smite him if any of his mortal or potential mortal lovers were harmed or killed.

It wasn't until the fates came down and told him the name of his future mortal wife. Things changed when out of his arrogant curiosity, he decided to leave his realm to seek her out. He wanted to see for himself if she was worthy enough to be his wife.

And once he saw her, he did not expect to fall as hard as he did.

She was beautiful, not as beautiful as Aphrodite, but beautiful enough to be his wife. Things he had not imagined before, back when he abhorred the thought of a mortal being his betrothed, hit him and carried him away like the waves crashing against the earth. 

He obsessed over her. Watching her from the sea everytime she took a walk along the sandy shore, taking on human forms to stalk her from afar, and even engaging in conversation with her in disguise just to hear what her voice sounds like among other things.

He had completely fallen for her. He decided the next time he saw her, he would come to her as himself and try to court her.

And well, their first meeting did not go as he had planned.

He had thought she would marvel at his magnificence. He was a God, for Zeus's sake! But she looked at him in fear. Distress plagued her beautiful features and he had no clue why. Surely, there was no reason why she would refuse a God like him, was there?

And so began an unique song and dance where he would try to court her, give her gifts, talk to her, all for it to be for naught! She refuses again and again.

And Ketos was starting to become angry...

How dare she refuse his love? She was his! The fates had already confirmed it! Her destiny lies and ends with him! 

He grew increasingly impatient until it came bubbling up one day and he snapped.

He was already in a terrible mood after facing so many of her rejections. He saw her dreadful look and grew tired of her pleas as she refused yet again. But this time, he was going to have her one way or another.

He lashed out, making the calm waves rage and the clouds above heavy and gray.

He threatened her with the lives of her family, along with all the other villagers she lived and grew up with. He didn't care about any of them! If it took killing everyone around her for her to be his, he would gladly do it. Even if she died in the process, all he would have to do is go to Hades and pluck her soul out of the Underworld so that she can finally be with him. And if he couldn't, he was a God. He had all the time in the world to wait for you to reincarnate and take you as his wife then.

Luckily, he didn't need to go that far. Though reluctant, she finally agreed to come to him! He was ecstatic. She took his hand and he praised her for choosing him. It didn't matter if she wasn't happy at first. He'll make her see the positive sides to being his betrothed. All his thoughts reverted back to all the things he wanted to do with her...

He would love and cherish her as they will soon be husband and wife. 

He was so happy to have her, his lovely wife.

((I think I may do a part 3 that's more of a look into their married life. Hope you enjoyed this one though!))

[sinnabarmoth]

Worthy of Devotion (9/9)

(A/N: Just wanted to give a quick thanks to everyone that has been reading this little fic of mine. This was a lot of fun and I appreciate any and all love you showed it!)

Pairing: Sea God|Rafayel x Worshipper|Reader (fem)

Summary: The life of the Sea God and his high priestess after they return to the ocean.

Content Warnings: Adult language. P in V.

Length: 3k

Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

Read on AO3

When you and Rafayel had descended back into the sea you had thought that he was going to take you straight to Lemuria, but he didn’t. You coasted through the water, Rafayel holding you close and kissing you over and over again.

“I have three years to make up for.” he had said, sucking a bruise onto your neck. “They have been nothing short of an agony, my heart.”

“Well now, we don’t have to be apart again.” you didn’t think you’d be able to let him go for at least a couple days now that you were together again. “I am excited to see Lemuria.”

“I can’t wait to show you around. You’re going to love it, but first we need to make a quick stop somewhere.”

Your eyebrows knit. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” It took a few minutes but you eventually ended up on a very familiar coast.

“The Pearl Temple?” you asked as you waded onto the shore. “Why are we here?”

“I figured you would want to see everything your followers have done. It’s actually quite impressive.” he took you by the hand and pulled you towards the temple. Your heart swelled seeing the temple again. Memories echoed off of every surface.

And Rafayel was right, it looked amazing. Instead of the simple boards you had put up to keep out the elements a new ceiling had been patched in and painted, windows replaced, floors scrubbed and maintained, it looked exactly like you had pictured it when you first heard stories of this place. It was a ruin no longer.

There were some followers on the island now. You had remembered they had been sent some days ago and would not have had a chance to learn that you were leaving the church. When you entered and they saw you their eyes lit up immediately. “High priestess!” one of them called to you, “What are you doing here? And who is--” the young man, whose name you remembered was Leo, went silent as he took in Rafayel by your side.

“Rafayel, pleasure to meet you.” Rafayel nodded to the young man.

“You--you--you--” they stammered, eyes wide in disbelief. The others from other parts of the temple ran in from where they were studying and working to see what was happening. Their reactions to seeing you and Rafayel were about the same.

“Everyone,” you clapped your hands to get their attention. “Please don’t gawk.”

“Sorry, high priestess,” Leo said. “We just had no idea that you would--and the Sea God--what are you doing here? Has something happened?”

“Oh yes. Right. The short of it is that I am no longer high priestess and Rafayel and I were just stopping here for a bit to see the temple before leaving for Lemuria.”

“You’re no longer high priestess?” one of the girls said, tears in her eyes. “But why?”

“Because she can hardly be high priestess if she is living in Lemuria.” Rafayel answered. “And three years was enough time away, I don’t feel like sharing her anymore. Now, I am sure you have many questions but I would like to show my bride something upstairs. Go back to work and please do not disturb us.”

“What is upstairs?” you asked.

“The bedroom.” he scooped you up again. “It has been three years after all, clownfish. And when we get to Lemuria my people are not going to let us have a moment of peace so I’m taking the time I can get now.”

“Raf! You can’t just say that in front of them!” you hissed at him.

Everyone’s gaze shifted back and forth between you and Rafayel. Some averted their gaze entirely.

“Why not? They should be happy to know their god is in love.” He said as he started carrying you up the stairs.

When you got to the door of the bedroom you fished the key out of your pocket. You had been carrying it around on your person for three years as a lucky charm. Now it finally had purpose again. The room was exactly as you had left it. You felt your face heat a little as you saw the dirtied bedsheets you had stripped off the bed the morning after you made love still in a crumpled pile in the corner. Right…no one would have been able to come in and clean anything since you had the only key.

None of it mattered now though. Now you were truly alone together for the first time in three years. Rafayel had kicked the door closed behind you and dropped you on the sheetless bed. “Now you,” he said as he started removing all the ornamentation you decided to wear for your reunion, “You owe me an apology, clownfish.”

“What do I need to apologize for?” you asked, stripping him as well.

“You know damn well what.” he pulled your shirt free of your chest. “Those very special prayers you sent me. I know you knew I could hear them. The way you said my name, your whimpers and moans ringing so loudly only for me to be able to hear…”

“You’re saying you didn’t appreciate them even a little bit?” you reached for his pants, moving the material down his legs.

“I damn near swam to the mainland to abduct you every time I got one of those prayers.” he hovered over you, taking in your naked form. “If you wanted to drive me insane you succeeded, now I want an apology.”

“I’m sorry.” you said. You craned your body up to kiss his chest. “I won’t do it again. I promise. And to show you just how sorry I am--” you grabbed hold of him and flipped the pair of you over so you were on top. “I’ll show you exactly what I was thinking about when I was touching myself, wishing it was you instead.”

His eyes widened and you noticed that little spark of light in his eyes that you had missed so much. “Please do, cor meum.” He laid back, running his hands up and down the smoothness of your thighs.

You had many fantasies while you were separated and yet now that you had a chance to make them a reality you were stuck. Your body had only known this intimacy once and it was long ago now. He sensed your hesitation and propped himself up on his elbows. “Everything alright?”

“Yes, just nervous. I’ve been building this up in my head for years and I don’t want it to be bad.”

“It never could be. We can just take it slow.” he took your hand and brought it to your cunt. “You can start by showing me how you touched yourself.”

Your face lit once again. Your immediate reaction was to object but it was Rafayel. He had been hearing you do this numerous times over the course of three years. There was no shame here.

You leaned back, taking a deep breath as you began to circle your clit. Knowing that he wasn’t just listening but actually watching you turned you on even more. You swiped your clit a little faster and you could feel arousal pooling further down. You dipped your hand down to gather some of the slick arousal and went back to playing with your clit.

Rafayel shifted on the bed, his breathing getting heavier as he watched you. You dipped down again, passing over your cunt but not entering, teasing yourself. Your fingers were coated in your arousal and you felt your body start to tremble with need. A need to be filled in a way you hadn’t been in years.

You were about to start fingering yourself when Rafayel grabbed your hand and pulled it to his mouth, licking your juices off. He moaned at the taste, “I’ve missed the taste of you.” he said in a husky whisper. “You taste so sweet.”

“Raf--” a hum of pleasure rocked your body as he took both fingers into his mouth and sucked on them.

Your hips pressed down on him, feeling the heat of his erection grind against you. You could have stayed just like that, his cock wedge between you, the head grinding against your clit over and over as you smothered him in your honey. You might have had he not pulled your hips up.

“I need to be in you, cor meum.” he said. “Need to feel you all around me again.”

“Right…” your voice was as shaky as your legs. You took a calming breath and angled yourself up before letting yourself slide back down, taking every inch of his cock into your cunt once again. “Fuck!” you hissed as your body was stretched to accommodate him. It was not the same kind of pain you had experienced during your first time but your body had forgotten the shape of him the past couple years and you needed to breathe and center yourself again. Had he always been this big?

“So good,” he breathed out, hands holding your hips down. “I never want to leave you again.”

“Neither do I.” you braced your hands on his chest. You ground on him for a bit, shallowly thrusting and rutting against him as your body got used to being filled once more.

Your thrusts got a bit faster, a bit harder as you chased a burning pleasure that coursed through your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Rafayel felt it too, he helped to move your hips, keeping you moving when you thought your legs would give out on the task.

“Fuck--” he threw his head back against the pillows, “Missed you so much! Never going to let you go again. Never again.”

“Never. Never again.” you scratched deep red lines down his pale torso. His eyes snapped back to yours and you yelped a bit when he thrust up into you.

“I’m gonna take you home…make you my wife…” he moaned, forcing you to move faster. “Then, I’m gonna lock us away for a month and make love to you every hour of the damn day.”

“Raf!” you could feel yourself getting close.

“Gonna put a baby in you.” he groaned. “I want to see that so bad. Want to see you with your belly swollen with our kid. Gonna pump a whole brood into you.”

“Please! Raf! I’m close! I’m so close!” you begged.

“You’re mine.” he pressed a thumb to your clit, rubbing it harshly. “You are ever only going to be mine. I love you! I love you so much! I need you to come now. Please, I need to feel you come around me. Need to full you come so I can come. Need to feel you come so I can come!”

“Ah!” your throat was raw with the scream of your orgasm. Your body went slack, collapsing on top of him as you rode out the pleasure.

Rafayel was still fucking up into you, hands on your ass moving you up and down his cock rapidly. It only stood to draw your orgasm out longer before he finally came too. “Fuck…” he breathed out. “I uh…sorry about that. I think my dick took over my brain for a minute there. I said a lot about getting you pregnant and I’m starting to realize we never really talked about that part or--”

You cut him off with a kiss. “More than alright.” you rested your head on his shoulder. “And I would love to have your kids one day.”

“And if I got you pregnant right now?”

“Then that is fate’s design for us.” you gently pulled yourself off of him and curled into his side. “I will say, a part of me was disappointed you didn’t end up getting me pregnant our first time together all those years ago. It would have been the perfect excuse for me to abandon everything and come home to you. But I suppose it is better that we had to wait.”

“It was a tempting idea.” Rafayel sighed. “Lemurians have a certain amount of control over when they can breed so when we had sex I was making sure that the seed was fertile. There’s still a chance it was but I didn’t want to trap you with me when I knew you had a mission.”

“And what kind did you just put in me?” you asked.

“I’m not actually sure. I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.”

You chuckled, pressing a kiss to his neck. “Good thing we’re getting married then.”

He smiled down at you, an eternity of love in his eyes. “Yes. A very good thing.”

~~~

In time, your story became another fantastic myth. The humble high priestess who had fallen in love with her god and was whisked away to the ocean to be his bride. In time the story would be warped and made even more fantastical. Carriages made out of pearl pulled by dolphins that came to deliver the priestess back to the mainland after her journey to a magical island where the Sea God lived. The tsunamis that devastated the city for twenty years while she was away from him, locked away by the corrupt elders. Each addition more ridiculous than the last. But at least through it all they had gotten one thing right, the Sea God returning to the continent to collect his bride and disappear with her into the ocean once again.

What the stories of the humans didn’t know was everything that had happened after.

They didn’t know about the happy life you shared in Lemuria. The magical wedding you had where you were officially made the wife of the Sea God.

They didn’t know about the baby girl you had a few months after that and how much Rafayel had cried when she was born. Or the twin boys a couple years later that were every bit as dramatic and tricky as their father.

“You lose again, daddy!” your daughter cackled as she sat across from Rafayel, a finished board game between them.

“You have to be cheating!” Rafayel said. “You and your mother both have to be cheating at this game! I cannot be this bad at freaking Jumping Shrimp!”

“After eight years of me whipping his butt you’d think he’d have gotten better at it, huh Neri?” you ruffled her hair as you passed. “Now Raf, if you’re done losing to the child can you grab the boys? We’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon.”

“We are going to have a rematch later, angelfish.” he kissed the top of your daughter’s head and went to find the boys.

Raf came back with either of the boys under each arm. “Got them.”

“Mom! Make him let us go!” Reef whined, trying to wiggle his body out from under Rafayel’s arm.

“Only if you and Kai promise not to run off again. If you run off then you’re not coming with us. Got it?”

“Yes mom.” the boys echoed in unison and Rafayel let them go.

“Great. Now let’s get going.”

The boys took your hands as you swam away from Whalefall City. Neri was having fun doing flips while swimming by Rafayel. As you started to enter the dark part of the ocean where the light of Lemuria didn’t touch you told everyone to stay close and not let go of one another.

You could feel the boys holding tight to you. Rafayel was lighting the way with his fire, the only source of light this deep.

“Mom,” Kai said, pulling on your arm. “I don’t like it down here.”

“I know it’s a little scary at first but it won’t be for long. I promise. Just stay close to me.”

You looked over at Rafayel and with a smile he extinguished the light. There was a minute of pitch blackness and you could sense the kids getting antsy before--

WHOOSH!

The kids jumped as a bright light of magenta light lit up the sea. Immediately their fear turned to joy as more columns of heated light and bubbles erupted around you in a kaleidoscope of colors.

“Dad! Can we go swim around them? Please!” the kids pleaded.

“Yes. Just be careful.” the kids had darted away from you the next instant, bobbing and weaving around the colorful spray of the geysers. “Don’t get too close they’re really hot!”

You inched closer to Rafayel and the moment you were in arm’s reach he pulled you to him. “They’re about as troublesome as you some days.” Rafayel said.

“Me? That’s all you out there, my darling. I had nothing to do with that.”

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that, clownfish.”

“I still think it rude that you call me clownfish but Neri gets to be called angelfish.”

“That’s cause she’s my little girl.”

“And I’m just your wife, the mother of your children, no big deal.”

“A very big deal actually.” he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Cor meum.”

You reclined against him, his arms holding you close as you watched your kids play among the bursts of colorful geysers. You couldn’t have prayed for a better life than this.

[loveliestlovelygirl]

Everything You Hear

finnick odair x fem!reader

synopsis: celebrity escort, finnick odair makes weekly visits to the noble woman you serve. sometimes, things between them get really loud at night. you hate to admit just how many times you've put your ear to the bedroom door, imagining he is yours instead.

w.c: 1k+

highlights: {minors dni} in-universe, implied sex-trafficking, sexual content, voyeurism, secret pining made known, confessions

When Finnick Odair knocks on the entrance door of your lady’s Capitol penthouse, you are to answer immediately and allow him inside, give him a place to sit and food to eat. In your care, he does not want for anything while your lady is away. You are to ensure that he is comfortable and ready for her arrival.

Which is just what you do when he drops by unannounced while she’s away at a banquet. You recognize the sound of his closed fist beating against the door. He knocks only twice and then waits. Opening the door, you find him leaning against the wall with his legs crossed and hands in his pockets. His sea-green eyes scroll up your body, landing on your face.

You curtsey. While Finnick is a familiar face to you, he is a celebrity to all of Panem and worthy of your respect, even if he’s your lady’s escort. You’re not entirely sure why she has a relationship with someone like Finnick. She never speaks of that with you, and you don’t ask. It’s not your place to ask of such things.

“Finnick,” you say timidly as he walks past you towards the long sofa in the parlor. “Is there anything I can get you?” In the past, you had called him Mr. Odair to show your reverence for his celebrity, but after a while, he insisted you use his name. That still makes you feel special every time you think of it.

His smile is so wide and so bright. You don’t understand why he looks so happy to see you. To him, you are nothing. In comparison to him, you are nothing, just a servant of the woman he pleases.

“Just a glass of water with—”

“Three ice cubes,” you finish for him.

He smiles again, oh so brightly. “You remembered.”

You give a soft nod before disappearing into the kitchen. You fetch a clean glass for him and fill it with cold water from the filter. You drop three, exactly three, large ice cubes into the glass, and walk back to the sofa. When you deliver it to Finnick, your hands shake. It’s rare you’re so close to him. Beside him you’re blinded by your adoration for him and his glorious presence so much so that you forget yourself and lose track of how long you stand there before him. By the time you realize you’ve been staring, he’s sipped half the water.

Finnick pats the cushion beside where he sits. “Have a seat.” It’s not a question. He’s given you a command. And you have no choice but to answer him. You’ve never sat beside his golden body in all of the times you’ve entertained him briefly.

His white shirt hangs open just a tad too much. Finnick wears one necklace that’s shaped like and arrowhead. Is it meaningful to him? Or just a fashionable expression. What you know with certainty is the chest that bears it is strong and so lovely. Has your lady ever taken a moment to appreciate his beauty like this? Or simply enjoyed the pleasure of his company.

“Why are you nervous?” he asks, turning his body toward you.

He must have picked up on the way he makes you tremble so. Or how you can hardly look him in the eye when he’s talking to you, trying to protect yourself from falling for him even more. Someone like you could never fall for Finnick Odair.

“It’s nothing,” you dismiss, too afraid to reveal your heart to him.

“I think I know,” he says smugly.

“I promise you, you don’t.”

Finnick leans back and stretches his arm out on the sofa top. “It’s all in the eyes. You can’t hide it.” He leans in close. “Just admit it. You feel something for me.”

Inching away, you shoot him a spiteful glare. “You’re awfully sure of yourself.”

“Comes with a price, you know.” He gets even closer to you. “It all makes sense to me. I come here all the time. I’m nice to you. I flirt with you. It’s only a matter of time before… you want me.”

You laugh lightly, uncomfortably because… it’s true. He’s a perceptive guy. He certainly didn’t win the Games at fourteen because of his good-looks and old-world charm. But you realize that-- all the times he looked at you just a little too long, offered you a bite of his food, or complimented you—he meant to woo you. You’re sure he has some ulterior motives, for why would he want anything to do with a servant girl.

When his fingers lightly graze your shoulder—it’s the first time he’s ever touched you—you let out a whimper. You get this bubbly, hazy feeling in the pit of your stomach. How you’ve longed for his sweet touch.

“But you see… you’re a little different than those on my weekly ‘to-do’ list. You can’t offer me anything in return. But I think—I think that’s kinda nice, don’t you? You’ve always been kind to me when I’ve offered you nothing in return but a little flirting. You’re a sweetheart, you know that right? Pretty too.”

Your face heats up. You feel it on your cheeks when he calls you pretty.

“So… call me sometime? I know you have my number. You’ve probably have it memorized, right?”

Of course, you do. But you’d never admit to it. “Finnick, what are you saying?”

He leans over you, his chest touching you back as his lips move close to your left ear. “Everything you hear… if you want it, can happen for you. I wouldn’t mind. Intimacy when both parties have no secret motives… is a luxury I’m not typically given.”

“You’re offering me… sex?”

He shrugs. “If that’s what you think is happening in the other room. It’s up to you.”

You search his face for answers. His mysterious smile tells you nothing at all. How could someone like him not be afforded the luxury of intimacy. From what you’ve heard, he’s intimate with many. You wonder what he means by secret motives. What could he mean?

“Just think about it,” he teases, “when your ear is pressed against the door, and you hear her crying out my name. That could be you, anytime.”

Those words sink in, crashing into your soul. For a long time, you’ve yearned for him. You suppose he understands exactly why.

The things you’ve heard when you push your ear to your lady’s wall or the door. The beautiful sounds of what happens in the other room. Is it finally your turn?

add yourself to my taglist!!

[artsymeeshee]

It isn't much of an ask, as more of a thank you.

Your heavier toned sea grunk comic with Stan discussing his thoughts of suicide has always held a place in my heart.

I started into the fandom around January 2022, and was pretty introverted getting into it. At that time, I was around 13 years into my undiagnosed depression, and failed one attempt to end it in that span. My introverted nature and being so warped kept me from wanting to engage with others from the fandom. I figured I was an outsider with more issues than what could be handled, and no one would be there for me(and I wouldn't blame them).

I didn't think that around July 2022, people would begin reaching out to me, understanding me, and accepting me. I found kindred spirits and my family. And in September, my best friend found me. She is the Ford to my Stan. She has stuck by me and loved me when I have been unlovable and it wasn't required. And we bonded over our favorite guys of course. She got me into Tumblr, and this was one of the first comics that I saw, and it made me bawl. It felt like talking to my best friend face to face, even 500 miles apart.

Then, shifting into December 17, 2023, I tried again to go, standing in the freezing night on the edge of the local bridge, seeing the dark, and waiting to embrace it. And everything that I loved flooded me in that darkness: My best friend, all my friends I had made, my family, and this comic. Stan felt that way, but he held on, because he got Ford back. It was part of why I stepped down, and just sat for awhile, and took the time to finally get help. Those feelings are now distant and rare when I reached out for proper help.

Even now, I'm struggling, but not wanting to be in that place again. Just feeling like I'm inadequate as a spouse, but we are both working through it. It has been difficult the last few weeks, and this comic emerges again today, and flooded me all over again with the reminder that Stan chose to live, even if it was hell for a long time, and I can do it too.

So, if you haven't fallen asleep on me yet, I just wanted to thank you for making this comic. And for all of them. It resonates with me deeply, and frequently more than you'll ever know, and at points, has kept me here.

Thank you 👉👈

🥺🥺 Oh wow. I don't know what to really say but thank you for opening up and telling your story. I know it can be really hard to open up like that. It makes me happy to hear that things have gotten a lot better, even if it's not 100%.

That comic was a spur of the moment kind of thing because I was originally going to make just a vent post of myself but then something about wanting to get out particular thoughts I've had through Stan seemed like a better approach. Perhaps this could come as a bit of surprise to some but as much art of Ford I've done, Stan is actually the favorite of the two.

I kind of thought that comic was going to be my last at the time. My mind spiraled pretty bad during that time last year and figured that it wasn't worth trying to say how I've been and just leave because I genuinely believed I was better off no longer being part of the Fandom. I still think I do on some days but seeing messages like these or even small encouraging ones is enough to think I am still worthy enough to stay.

❤️

[yourfavangstwriter]

A Second Chance with the Soldier

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem! reader - MAJOR ANGST

Summary: Steve loves you. He has since the moment he saw you, but he what he wants more than anything is for you to see how worthy you truly are!

Warnings: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING mentions Child Sexual Abuse, Physical abuse, violence, fighting

Word count: 15k

“Hurry up…he’ll be here soon, and I want to get a good seat at the front”

“Urgh…do I really have to go with you”

“PLEASEEEEEE, I don’t want to be left alone with all those stinky boys. You’re the only other girl so I want to sit with you. At the front.”

“How about this…” I begin. 

One thing about my best friend Elle is that she is persistent. She will wear you down until you give in, but I think that’s one of the things I love most about her. Being the only 2 females in our entire section in the army, we have no choice but to have each other’s backs. There’s nothing wrong with the guys, but there’s only so much testosterone a girl can withstand, and in the sea of brothers, she’s my sister. The best sister and friend I could have ever asked for. Not to mention the perfect soldier. We know we’ll always have each other’s backs, both on and off the battlefield. Which is why I would do anything for her. Including going to see Steve Rogers’ ‘inspiring speech for the soldiers’ this afternoon. 

I’d much prefer to be doing anything else. Admittedly the thought of attending an inspiring talk for the army makes me want to scream. Just the thought of the army makes me want to scream. Don’t get me wrong, my 8 years as a soldier have been wonderful. They gave me a home, money, skills, and friends for a lifetime. But it’s not my calling anymore. I yearn for more. And I’ve already began my discharge process with my CO. Not that I’ve told Elle…or anyone else for that matter. So the thought of Steve Rogers talking at me for 2 hours about all the positive aspects of serving your country makes me feel violently ill. I was hoping Elle would find someone else to go with so I can stay back and start job and apartment hunting. The pros of living in the barracks was being able to squirrel away quite a bit of money. Not enough to never work again, but I have enough for a deposit on an apartment and to be able to live comfortably for a few months whilst looking for a job. The cons of living on the barracks are that you’re basically never alone. And given that I haven’t told anyone I’m leaving, I can’t quite whip out my laptop and start looking in front of them. 

“If I agree to come and sit with you, you’ll let me leave halfway through”. 

“AHHHH you’re the best” Elle screams, practically dragging me off my bed and into the hallway, with so much energy I can barely contain my laughter. It will only be an hour at most for me, so how bad can it be? 

Steve’s POV

Public speaking has never been one of my strong suits. It makes me uncomfortable on a whole other level. All those eyes staring at me make me feel like the small skinny kid from Brooklyn all over again. Poor Bucky has been made to listen to my speech 3 times this morning to make sure I don’t stumble, and I still feel awful. Or I did, until I stepped onto to the small podium set up and looked down to the front row to see the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. Her y/h/c hair was pulled up into a tight military standard bun, but that just meant her other features were accentuated. Her round cheeks and sharp nose were striking, but most beautiful of all were her eyes. The y/e/c orbs bore a tired expression yet were still enchanting. Averting my gaze was difficult, but upon doing so I noticed there was only one other woman in the room with her. And she was sat next to her…looking far more excited. In fact, every other face in the room bore excitement and happiness, except hers. So why is she sat in the first row? 

After an hour I decided to take a break. The woman in the front row was distracting me too much. Every time I looked at her, I found it hard to look away, which distracted me and made me stumble a few times. When I got to the door to exit the room, I heard too many voices. I knew they would all swamp me at some point, but I didn’t think it would be this early on. Usually, they wait to the end. When I turned around to find somewhere else to go, I saw a flash of camo exit out of a slowly closing fire exit. ‘I wonder where she’s going’ I thought and decided to follow her. 

Evidently, she had run from where I saw her, but all barracks are pretty much laid out the same and given the number of speeches I’ve given and barracks I’ve been in, I’m 99% certain I can find my way to the mess hall at least. 

Evidently the mystery woman didn’t want to hang around because by the time I got out of the door she was gone. I was hoping to catch up to her and figure out if her early exit was because the speech was terrible or if there was something else bothering her. Bucky told me the speech was fine, but I have a feeling he would’ve said anything in the end which meant he wouldn’t have to listen to another word. But I needn’t have worried over finding her, as upon entering what I assumed was the mess hall, I noticed a figure huddled in the corner, back facing the door as she scrolled on a laptop. 

I know I shouldn’t pry; my mother raised me better than that, but my learnt stealth from being a super soldier meant I could take a few steps closer to see what she was doing. I relaxed when I realised, she was apartment hunting. It wasn’t my speech that gave her that faraway look thanks goodness! The closer I got, the more I could smell her. An entrancing floral smell. Addicting. What I’d want my home to smell like after coming home from a difficult mission. Rolling over in bed and catching a whiff from her pillow. Her pillow? Wait what? What am I saying. I don’t even know this girl. Before I allowed my thoughts to spiral even more, I decided now was the time to strike up conversation. 

“Barracks accommodation that bad huh?”

“JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FU-…oh” she screamed turning around at the same time. But when she saw me, she stopped.

“No please, carry on. Cuss me out, I deserved that.” I replied sheepishly.

“N…no, of course you didn’t. You just scared me that’s all, sorry sir.” She murmured quietly as she stood and saluted. 

“No need to salute soldier. Or call me sir, it’s just Steve” I know it’s been drilled into her over and over to always salute the higher ups, but I don’t think I will ever get used to the formality of it all.

“Sorry Sir…I mean Steve” she replied somewhat shyly. 

“I came to ask why you looked like you’d rather be stationed in a war zone that be in that front row earlier. You escaped pretty fast too. It wasn’t that boring, was it?”

“Oh gosh no Sir! STEVE!” She corrected rather quickly and loudly. There was a tinge of red to her cheeks which made me smile. 

“It was quite inspiring really. I think it would have been better for people considering enlisting though. Not those already signed up. Every one of us in that room knows what sacrifice for the country looks like. None more than you of course…I’m sorry” she quickly backtracked, looking sheepish when she realised the tangent she went on. 

“No, no. This feedback is good. I encourage it. People are always too quick to blow steam up my ass. I appreciate the honesty.” She looked rather shocked by my reply. Either that or the language.

 “Now I’m sorry. I shouldn’t use that type of language in front of a beautiful dame.” Now she really blushed. I smiled again. “Just want to quell the golden boy image Stark is so keen to persist.” She laughed at that, and boy was it the nicest laugh I’ve heard in a while. 

“You don’t need to watch your language around me. Trust me. Army boys don’t know how to speak without accompanying every other word with a colourful French word.” She replied, shuffling over and offering me a seat at the bench. 

“Ah I understand. Thank you. Now, is it too nosy to ask why you fled so quickly.” 

“I suppose not. I’m apartment hunting.”

“Ah, say no more.”

“Yeah….” She murmured, glancing glumly back at the computer screen. 

“Is the barracks really that bad?” I questioned, growing slightly concerned. Being Captain America has certain perks, and I can pull certain strings. If there’s one thing I’ll advocate for, it’s the comfort of our soldiers. Having been one myself, I know it’s not easy.

“Well, they aren’t the best. But that’s not why. I leave the army in 2 weeks and have yet to find somewhere.”

“Ah…any particular reason why?”

“I just don’t feel fulfilled anymore. The army used to give me pride. I felt like I was doing something good. A reason to feel proud of myself. But after 2 tours of Afghanistan and 1 of Iraq, I often feel like I left more of a mess than what greeted me. I guess I just need to find what motivates me again.” 

“I meant, was there any particular reason why you couldn’t find an apartment. There are a few apartments in my building that are vacant.” I replied grinning, but it was clear she didn’t take it that way. She began to blush even harder. 

“But I understand what you were saying” I hastened to add. “It’s like a calling. A yearning to help people. And if you don’t feel that calling anymore, then it’s hard to carry on in the job. Sometimes I go through periods of doubt about what I do to.” She visibly relaxed at my understanding, making me feel 100 times better. 

“It’s not that I don’t feel the yearning anymore. I think I will always feel. What I was born to do. I’ve just become disenfranchised with job. I don’t seem to be helping people at the minute.” My heart warmed at her honesty. It feels quite rare to find others who feel the same way. 

“Do you have any other jobs in mind at the moment?”

“No, why. Any spare avenger jobs going?” She quipped back with a grin, making me smile in return. God, she has a beautiful smile. 

“Not quite avenger level, no. But S.H.I.E.L.D. are recruiting for agents again. They always give first dibs to ex-military, and a kind word from me can get you straight through to an interview.” The look of shock on her face was pleasing. 

“Really? You could do that? An actual agent. I didn’t think I was qualified enough” she mumbled to herself, but super soldier hearing meant I heard every word. 

“Why wouldn’t you be? Trust me, I work with them day in, day out. They’re no different from you. You have the right attitude, and whilst I haven’t seen your combat training, I’m sure it’s satisfactory if you survived three tours in some of the most active war zones.”

“How do you know where we served?”

“I like to know who my men, and women, are” I replied, somewhat sheepishly, having to admit that I got Stark to background search every soldier here. It’s true that ex-military make the best agents. 

“Oh. Well, I’ll definitely think about it. I can’t lie, waitressing really doesn’t appeal to me, and that’s all that comes up.”

“Well, accommodation comes included so, here take my card and give me a call when you decide. I’ll send over the application form and when I see you’ve submitted it, I’ll start pulling strings.” I winked, handing over my card with my personal number on. Usually, I’d give out my business card, but something about this woman made me feel like giving her my personal would be better. 

Y/N’s POV.

Holy shit. Captain America gave me his number. 

“Walk me out?” He started as he got up from the bench. Still in shock, I pocketed the card and started to lead him to the main gate.

“Don’t you have to finish the talk?” I suddenly remembered.

“Nah…I’ll blow it off as some avenger emergency or something like that.”

“Fair enough, I’ll pretend I never saw you” I reply with a grin. He hesitated as though he wanted to say something else, but instead just smirked and headed out of the gate. Just before he ducked into the car, he called out. 

“Hey y/n. Don’t lose my number.” I sucked in a breath. I thought he’d been quite flirtatious when he called me a ‘beautiful dame’, but I didn’t want to just assume. “We could really use some people like you with your kind of attitudes at S.H.I.E.L.D.” Oh. 

“Sure…I’ll…I’ll think about it.” I stuttered out, drowning in embarrassment. How on earth could I think that the Captain America would be flirting with me. With that, he winked, closed the door and sped off. 

“Why is Captain America scouting you for S.H.I.E.L.D?” Asked a very angry Elle. 

“Elle…” I started but couldn’t say anymore. 

“Forget it…” she mumbled dejectedly as she raced back inside. Great. This was going to be a very nice conversation. Not. 

6 WEEKS LATER

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you all day!” Shouted the very handsome Captain. 

When he visited the barracks, and when we met for coffee to discuss my application, he wore civilian clothing, but today he wore his suit, tied at the waste with a black under armour shirt on top that showed every single muscle. Not salivating at the mouth was going to be harder than a dog not drooling in a butcher. He was accompanied by a fierce looking Bucky Barnes, and cheeky looking Sam Wilson. 

“Looking for me?” I replied, slightly shocked and also embarrassed under the gazes I was getting. 

“Of course! And I brought reinforcements to help move your stuff” he smiled, pointing to Bucky and Sam. 

“Oh gosh, that really isn’t necessary. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but no one else has help.”

“They have their families” Bucky replied. 

Whilst looking incredibly miserable, a closer look at his eyes showed life. Love. Happiness. Coming from a place of healing. And also understanding. Of course, the former spy had noted the lack of familial assistance I had compared to everyone else. I was hoping Elle might help but she still hasn’t forgiven me for not telling her sooner. 

“Where are your family y/n?” Sam Wilson questioned, smiling also at me, clearly picking up on my unease. 

“Out of town” I replied way too quickly, and by the look on the three avengers’ faces, they knew I did too. 

“Well, we’re here now, so show us where your car is, and Buck and I can grab some boxes whilst Steve shows you to your room. He pulled some strings to get you on the nicer side of the tower” 

Sam winked. A glance at Steve told me they weren’t making it up. 

“I told you don’t call me Buck” 

“What you gonna do Maggie?”

“Maggie??” Steve asked looking incredibly confused, but also very done with their bickering. Something about the way he allowed it to ensue told me this was quite a frequent occurrence. 

“Short for magnet. Like his arm” Sam replied, trying not to smile but failing miserably. 

“Jesus wept”

 “Shut it bird brain” both Steve and Bucky replied at the same time. 

“Here, take my keys, it’s the white one over there” I replied, tossing Bucky the keys, hoping to break up whatever quarrel they were having now. 

After some resistance on my part, Steve took the box and suitcase I was carrying whilst I went to the reception desk to sign in and pick up my keys. Because I was with Steve, his advanced authorisation meant we got to take the nice elevator with the view of New York. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it.” Steve mumbled, very close to my neck. So close, in fact, I could feel his breath sweep over the tiny hairs there. 

“Yes.” One word was all I could manage. From both shock and his closeness, and at the view. 

Looking down to the ground, we both saw Bucky and Sam clearly squabbling over who got to carry the largest box. It looked like Bucky was winning, but he does have the metal arm. 

“I know you Avengers value your private lives, but I’m sure a gay wedding between the falcon and the winter solider would have broken the internet”. Steve let out a mighty howl at that and doubled over, nearly dropping the box, and was laughing so hard that I couldn’t help but laugh with him. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to be laughing as well as they tripled in intensity when Steve straightened up and looked at me. 

“Well, if there was a wedding, I wasn’t invited” he smirked. “Don’t worry, they’re like this all the time. But I know they have each other’s backs which matters more to me than anything else.” It was sweet how much he seemed to care. 

“That’s nice to see” I commented, thinking longingly about Elle. He seemed to notice. 

“Everything okay”

“Yes. Yes. It’s fine. I’m just tired that’s all. Been a long day”

“Well as soon as they figure out who can carry a box, we can leave you to unpack. It’s an early start tomorrow. 5am.” He smiled understandingly. 

“Early!! Practically a lie in in comparison” I joked. 

“Ah. A fellow early bird. Sometimes the three of us go running in the mornings. You’re more than welcome to join us”.

“If there’s one thing I didn’t do enough of it was running. I think I’ll give it a miss but thank you though.” The thought of plain ol’ me running with three superheroes was daunting to say the least. 

The room Steve secured for me is incredible. Floor to ceiling windows that offered the best view of New York, with a huge bed in the middle, and a gigantic bathroom with a huge porcelain bathtub in the middle.

 “Wow Steve. Please tell me every other trainee has a room like this.” 

“Well...they all have beds and bathtubs and windows” he teases, after watching my awe-struck gaze. 

“But not like these” I finish. 

“By no means are they shabby. But it’s just a double instead of a king, and there’s no bathtub. But they do have windows. Obviously. They’re the floor below us” he adds. 

“Us?” I squeak out. 

“You’re sharing with us doll. In Steve’s defence, they had run out of rooms for the recruits. For all the brains Stark’s supposed to have, he can’t count enough rooms out.” Quipped Bucky carrying three boxes, followed by Sam who had the remaining suitcase and a potted plant. 

“No shit” I burst out, then slapped my hand over my mouth when I realised what I said. That made them chuckle.

“Please don’t feel like you need to watch your language doll. You say military are bad. Wait until you spend 5 minutes with Stark” Steve comforted. 

“Steve mentioned you were military.” Sam said, with a questioning tone. As Bucky deposited my car keys back into my hand I saw the questioning in his eyes again as well. 

“Medical corps. Afghanistan and Iraq. 3 years” I offered. 

“SHIT. I KNEW I RECOGNISED YOU. DO YOU RECOGNISE ME?” Sam burst out, jumping Bucky causing him to scowl again. 

“Of course I do, I see your face on the news every other day.” I quipped.

“Why every other day?” Sam distractedly asked. 

“Because I don’t watch it every day.” Steve and Bucky snickered at my response. 

“Fairs. But anyway. Iraq. Me and a guy called Riley. We both had bullet wounds and you patched us up.” Sam probed. 

“Of course!” I replied, immediately remembering this time. “Glad to know you made it out alive. I was sorry to hear about your friend though” 

“Me too kid. You were with another chick that day. What was her name? Ellie, Elena??”

“Elle” I supply.

“Yes, Elle. She was cute. What happened to her. Please tell me she’s still alive” he smirked. 

“Yes. Elle is still very much alive. And serving. We actually room shared back at the barracks.” I replied, even though the thought of Elle made my chest pang. 

“Bring her round some time, yeah?” Sam asked. I didn’t know what to say in return. How do I tell them she’s not talking to me at the minute. I barely know the guys. I’m not going to offload onto them like that. 

“Errrr” I started.

“Alright guys, that’s enough grilling. Let’s leave y/n to settle in and unpack.” Steve said, placing a large warm hand on my shoulder in comfort. When we met for coffee a few weeks ago it accidentally slipped that Elle wasn’t talking to me, so thankfully he knows the situation enough not to pry. 

“That’s all you have??” Bucky asked quite shocked. 

“Military life. No time or space for possessions.” I offer back. A quick, fixed answer I give every time I move, and people comment on my lack of possessions. 

The real reason is that I left home when I was 16 with only the clothes on my back. Only Elle knows why. My heart hurts just thinking about her. Bucky smiled back at me, and a glance at the other two revealed similar expressions of understanding. 

“We’re all military men, so we know better than most.” Sam answered with sincerity. 

“Thanks guys.” I squeaked out, feeling overwhelmed at their niceness. “See you tomorrow morning, bright and early.” 

5 Months later….

STEVE’S POV 

“Stop. Pulling. Your. PUNCHES” y/n all but screamed at me. 

Every word was punctuated with a hit, but they were sloppy. She’s distracted by something, and I can tell, which is why I am pulling my punches. If I hurt her, I wouldn’t forgive myself. Over the last 6 months y/n has excelled in the program, quickly rising the ranks to become one of the best trainees. I know for a fact that Fury is already eyeing her up for additional training in a few weeks when she graduates to support Avenger missions. With her accomplishments, I find my respect and admiration for her growing more and more. I know that Elle still hasn’t spoken to her, but she manages to push it to the back of her mind and continue kicking ass both physically and mentally in the aptitude tests. Even Tony pulled me aside and said I’d made a good spot with her. However, given that we basically live together, train together (I as her mentor, and she as my mentee), and spend a lot of free time together (not that I am complaining though), I think I know her well enough to figure out that the situation with Elle isn’t her only distraction. 

A few weeks ago, y/n, Sam, Bucky and I were returning from a run in the morning when we passed a man. A man who made y/n stop in her tracks. Her bright smile vanished, eyes becoming glazed, and body drawing in on itself. 

“Hey doll you good?” Asked Bucky, noticing y/n had dropped back, eyes following the man. I turned to look at her, and noticed the man was walking away from us, but still had his head turned to smile at y/n. Bucky’s comment snapped y/n out of her trance. 

“Fine” was all she said. 

“You sure. Hey, if he’s an awful ex or something we can go 10 rounds in your next hand-to-hand combat training exercise” Sam joked. 

“I said it was fine. It’s fine. Now leave it.” She snapped, ducking into the nearest corridor and taking the stairs to our floor. 

“What did I say?” Sam asked, genuinely confused over how he could have upset her. 

“Punk” was all Bucky said as he looked at me. One thing about being friends with someone for so long is that you learn how to communicate without words. 

“Oh… you’re doing the weird eye talking thing.” Sam commented.

 I knew Bucky was wondering if I was going to go after her, but the way she stormed off alone told me that she needed a minute to herself alone. With that, Bucky, Sam and I made our way back up to the common room of the Avengers-only floor. 

When I went to check up on y/n a few hours later, she was nowhere to be found. Clearly, she was still affected by the man in the lobby earlier. Deciding that I needed to get to the bottom of this, I pulled up the CCTV footage and used JARVIS for facial-recognition. Turns out the guy was someone called Luke Jackson, one of the finance guys up on the 4th floor, with no known connection to y/n, the trainee program, or the Avengers. And despite never seeing him around the tower again, y/n was still upset about the encounter weeks later. Yes, her punches got harder, and her attitude sharpened, but so did her eyes. Gone was the bright spark, replaced with a cold ice that only revealed anger and hurt, and today I decided I was going to get to the bottom of it. 

“If I don’t pull my punches, you’ll be eating out of a tube indefinitely” I warn. 

“Fuck you” she pants.

“THAT’S YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER” Brock Rumlow’s voice boomed from behind me.

 I have never been bothered by the way y/n talks to me. In fact, I welcome it, because it means that we have a deeper relationship than just mentor/mentee. And I kind of deserved it, I was winding her up and I know it. But I know her well enough now to know that sometimes she pushes me, so I push back so she knows I’m there. She actually told me that herself. Which is why I oh so kindly Rumlow to do the same, he’s been on y/n’s back ever since she got here and I’m yet to find out why. Even Bucky picked up on it. 

“She knows thank you Rumlow. Carry on with what you were doing” I warn sternly. 

“Does she?” he sneers with that awful side smirk. God, I hate this man. 

“Yes sir. My apologies Captain Rogers. Agent Rumlow. I think I’ll take my break now.” She mumbles, then practically sprints off of the training mats and is out of the room. 

Before I can go after her, however, one of the other agent steps up seeing a window of opportunity. Usually, I enjoy sparring with the trainees but all I want to do right now is go after her. I’ve never seen her this distracted, and even though I see Brock go after her, I still worry because I know he will be of no help. After a quick text to Sam and Bucky to see if they will go find her, I try my best to put the issue out of mind and focus on the trainee in front of me. 

Y/N’S POV

I know I’ve been distracted. In the beginning I could squash it. Missing Elle was all that bothered me, but when I was training, I managed to put it to the back of my mind enough so that I only had to unpack it at night when I was alone in my room and desperately wishing I could call her to update her about my days in training. Even I have to admit that I’ve done quite well and am proud of how quickly I’ve learnt the skills required. Bucky let me in on a little secret Steve made him swear not to tell me that THE Nick Fury was watching me to see if I would be suitable as a supporting agent for literal Avenger missions. That kept me in good spirits. That was until I saw him. 

I know I swore that I wouldn’t run with literal avengers, but it is actually quite a lot of fun. Bucky and Sam race each other, and Steve always give me a cute little wave as he passes me. On the way back in from a very refreshing run, I passed him in the lobby. Wearing a suit and tie with a Stark employee ID badge on. My big brother Luke. I knew he spotted me from the way he smirked at me. It stopped me in my tracks. I thought I’d escaped him. I thought I’d never have to see him again. But somehow, he found me, and the next day when I stepped into the gym and saw Brock Rumlow waiting at the front as a trainer, I knew exactly how Luke had found me. Growing up, Brock and Luke were best buddies, much like Steve and Bucky. But the difference was that they were bullies. The meanest kind. Beating people up just for breathing too loud. Brock took one look at me, and he knew that I knew. He also knew I wouldn’t say a thing. Which is why I’ve been doing my best to keep my head down. After I stormed off that day in the lobby, I was incredibly grateful that neither Sam, Bucky nor Steve questioned me about it. But with the way Brock has been winding me up recently and leering over everything I do, I know it’s only a matter of time before someone catches on. And that time is looming dangerously close when I hear him leer at me from behind. 

“Where do you think you’re going baby cakes” Urgh. That god awful nickname that he’s always called me creepily, even when I was just a kid. 

“I’m due a break sir. I was headed to the mess quarters” I reply, picking up my pace. I know that if we get into a public space, he’ll leave me alone. He wouldn’t dare draw negative attention to himself. 

“Tut-tut. It’s not the mess quarters, is it? You’re not in the military now sweetheart. You can’t escape him forever” 

“Escape who?” booms the voice of Bucky Barnes. Never in my life have I been so grateful to see a 6ft something super soldier. 

Over the past few months, Bucky has been somewhat of a brother-figure to me. The saying ‘it takes one to know one’ has never been more accurate when it comes to shared trauma. Every time I look into his eyes it’s like looking into a mirror reflection of my own…deep purple bags from lack of sleep, dull irises as the pain of the past swims across them, and pupils always darting around, waiting for the next attack. I know he sees exactly the same in me. But he never asks, and neither do I. Sometimes it’s like we function on a wavelength no one else reaches. I know when he has had a tough night, and he knows when I failed to slay my own demons. 

 I spun around to definitely check he was there. Brock wouldn’t dare try anything in front of the Winter Solider…even he’s not that stupid. 

“See ya later baby cakes” Brock winked at me, then turned around headed back to the gym. Bucky began walking toward me. 

“Baby cakes?” Bucky asked, quirking an eyebrow but coming up by the side of me as I continued walking. 

“Long story” I muttered, hoping he’d drop it like he does all the other times something seems to bother me.

 And at the moment, everything seems to bother me. God, they’re never going to want to keep me around after this, and the thought of it almost takes my breath away. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am, to forget the past. And it seems to just keep catching up to me. Bucky seems to pick up on my melancholy. 

“Hey. You know that if anything or anyone bothers you, you can always come to me. Or Steve. Or Sam. Heck, you could come to any of us, and we’d help you. We like ya y/n and we want you around.” 

“Thanks Buck. I know you guys are there.” I reply, struggling to keep the tears at bay. “Why are you down here anyway?” I question, realising that he’s not scheduled for training today. He places an arm around my shoulder looking slightly sheepish as he waves his phone with his metal arm at me. 

“Steve was worried about ya. Sent me and Sam looking for you, and by the looks of it, it was a good job too. I don’t like that Brock guy and I certainly don’t trust him. In fact, I’m yet to meet an agent who does.” He warns, but I can’t entirely focus on what he says as I’m too focused on the fact that Steve sent him and Sam to look for me… for me. To make sure I was okay. And they came. 

“Trust me Bucky, I can handle myself.” I try to reassure him. 

“Trust me, I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t worry about ya doll”.

There is so much sincerity in his eyes I find it hard not to tell him the whole thing. Realistically, I know I should tell them. They can get rid of Luke. They can protect me, and the child in me yearns for protection, but adult me knows they have much worse to deal with. 

“Aww that’s cute old man” I joke, hoping to change the subject, but one look into his eyes tells me he knows what I’m doing. 

I’m deflecting. Hiding something. It’s the same look he gave me when we first met, and then when I saw Luke in the lobby, and pretty much every time I’ve seen him since. 

“Okay doll. I won’t push. If there’s one thing I know about you by now, it’s that if you don’t wanna talk about it, you’re not going to.” 

“Thanks Buck.” Is all I can utter.

“But you can buy me lunch” he winks. 

1 week later…

It’s been torture. All of the avengers got called out on an emergency mission that’s hydra-related. I’m not supposed to know that, but the avengers seem to trust me enough to tell me. 6 days ago they went, which means it’s been 6 days of Brock-related hell. He automatically took over as head-trainer and he has not let me forget it. And he definitely doesn’t pull his punches. 

Thankfully at 4:37am this morning Steve sent a message to say they were all on their way back, and all completely unharmed following a highly successful mission. But that doesn’t mean they’re back yet. It’s just past 1 and still no sign, which means I’m here in the gym. Alone. With Rumlow. It’s lunchtime and all the other agents have gone, but he’s kept me back. 

“I thought we’d step up your training a bit” he sneered. I heard the door open but didn’t need to look to know what he’d done. Ever since I got my dad arrested, both Luke and Brock have been looking for a way to get back at me. Now’s their chance with no one around to stop them. 

STEVE’S POV

Just after lunchtime we got off the helicarrier. Covered in sweat, grime, and other people’s blood, all I wanted to do was take a shower, but the fact that y/n wasn’t there waiting like she said she would be at lunch concerned me. Her text read: “If you’re not back by lunch, I’ll go wait at the landing pad for you. Don’t leave me there hanging yeah ;)”. So, for her to not be here, when I know full-well that it’s the agents’ scheduled lunch time was extremely concerning, and Bucky and Sam seemed to pick up on my worry too. 

“Come on, let’s head to the cafeteria, maybe she’s just waiting in line for food” Sam offered hopefully. 

Both Sam and Bucky were also excited to see y/n, they have sort of adopted her as their younger sister and treat her as such, so I know they’re just as worried as I am. 

There was still no sign of y/n in the cafeteria, but a quick glance around showed it full of other trainees. So why wasn’t she here? 

“Looking for agent y/l/n?” one of them asked.

“Yes, do you know where she is?” Sam replied eagerly.

“Agent Rumlow kept her behind. Don’t want to imagine why though. Think he might have a bit of a crush on her, keeps calling her baby cakes and says he wants to ‘elevate her training’. Fucking creep.” The agent replies, but visibly pales when they realise what they said.

“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean…he just…” 

“Don’t worry kid. Don’t tell anyone but I agree” I respond as Bucky roars out 

“SON OF A BITCH” then thunders off down the corridor to the gym, causing Sam and I to quickly follow him. 

“I told her he’s a creep. I told her I didn’t trust him. I knew something like this would happen” he grumbled to himself. 

“What do you mean Buck?” Sam asks, voice dangerously low. 

“Yeah Buck, what do you mean?” I all but growl, heart thundering at the thought of y/n being hurt at the hands of that weasel Rumlow. 

“The other day when you asked us to find her, I caught him following her calling her Baby cakes. He’s been worrying me where she’s concerned for weeks but she promised me it was okay” he admitted dejectedly, but before we could respond, we heard the faint cries of y/n. 

Y/N’s POV

“NO. STOP. PLEASE. LUKE NO I’M SORRY” I cry out, but he still punches me. 

Brock thought it would be good for us to spar together. I know that really, it’s a cover up in the name of ‘payback’ but I thought my training would kick in. I thought I’d be able to stand up to him this time, but I guess not. Before I realise it, I’ve collapsed to the floor and curled up in the foetal position, arms over my head, being transported back to all those times when I was 13 that Luke hit me and kicked me over and over. I peek over my arm but quickly lower my head when I see his leg lifting ready to kick me. But the hit never came. Slowly I lifted my head, and my eyes connected with the beautiful, sweet, but angry blue eyes of Steve Rogers. Gently he reaches out a hand to stroke away some hair from my face that had come loose from my ponytail. I took the hand he extended to me and allowed him to pull me up into a standing position. I didn’t fight it when he tugged me closer so he could place one arm around my waist and tuck me into his chest. In fact, I welcomed it, placing my own hand on his chest and burrowing closer for protection. The flight instinct still hadn’t retreated, and I’m sure that if he wasn’t holding me, I’d have collapsed. 

Before Steve could actually ask me if I was okay, and I know he was intending to as his lips were forming the words, we heard a sickening crunch and a pain-filled moan. Looking over to the sound, we saw Bucky stood over Luke who had evidently just been punched in the face, and Sam staring Rumlow down. 

“How’d you like that you sick fuck?” Bucky seethed. 

“Call it payback, bitch.” Luke hisses as he spits blood.

“The fuck did you just say” Sam hisses.

“You heard me. That’s for sending dad to prison” 

“Watch your fucking mouth” Bucky warns again, gripping Luke by the shirt and pulling him forward. 

“Buck” Steve warns, trying to deescalate the situation. He could probably tell how upset I was from my trembling that I just couldn’t control. 

“What you gonna do metal man? Punch me again. She fucking deserved it” Luke smirked. 

“Fuck yeah, she did. Had it comin’ for years” Brock added. And this time it was him that got his nose broken…by Sam. 

“Please” I begged. 

They needed to shut up. The guys couldn’t know. They weren’t supposed to know my dad went to prison and that I’m the reason he’s there. They absolutely can’t know that Luke is my brother and that I grew up with Brock. That is supposed to go to the grave. 

At the sound of my voice, both Brock and Luke turned to me. They were both being held back my Sam and Bucky, but even with the added protection of 3 avengers, I still couldn’t get over the fear. It was evident that my attackers had picked up on that. 

“Aw…doesn’t your boyfriend know?” Luke sneered. 

“Do you want us to tell them?” 

“Please. Don’t. I’ll leave…I’ll go and pretend this never happened. Please.” I begged and begged. 

Steve’s arm gripped me even harder, and I felt his eyes burning into me. But I couldn’t look up and meet them because I knew I’d break. In fact, I couldn’t look at any of the guys. Shame and embarrassment at the scene I was causing filled me.  

“Tell us what? What’s going on doll?” Steve probed. 

“Look at you…daddy’s little plaything got Captain America wrapped around her finger”. 

“ENOUGH” roared the voice of Nick Fury. Things were so intense none of us even registered the doors banging shut. 

“Get these little shits out of my gym. Get them out of this goddamn tower and terminate their employment. Drop them at the bottom of the Hudson for all I care. Just get them anywhere but here.” He ordered as a swarm of agents flocked to Luke and Brock and began dragging them out. Just as Luke passed the director, Fury reached out and grabbed him. 

“Don’t you ever open your mouth to her again. Both you and your precious daddy are fucked up, and I aint got no place for you here.” He sneered. My heart dropped at his comments though. He knew. Of course, he fucking knew. You can’t hide anything from these guys. Embarrassment hit me again. I tried to shrink away from Steve, but it was too late. One glance around the room revealed my worst fears. Bucky, Sam and Steve had caught on to what he said and were beginning to form their own conclusions. They were dying to ask me what he meant. 

“Doll?” Bucky said, but his tone revealed it was more of a question. Shit. I’m going to have to tell them. They won’t let this go. 

“I need 5” was all I said before I raced out of the room to gather my thoughts. 

STEVE’S POV

What the fuck is going on? I know y/n was distracted but I didn’t realise it had something to do with Rumlow. And what did he mean with ‘daddy’s little plaything?’…I have an idea about what he could mean, but I really hope it isn’t…for the sake of my job and good image. One glance at Bucky and Sam told me they were thinking the same thing. 

“Fury what the hell is going on?” Bucky asked, voice shaking with anger. 

“It’s not for me to tell, but that brother of hers is a nasty piece of work. You need to find her and ask her yourself.” He replied. 

“Her brother?”

“She has a brother?” both Sam and I asked at the same time. What in the world is going on? 

When y/n left she said she needed 5 which was understandable, so we decided to take the time to head back to our rooms and freshen up, still dressed in tactical suits and covered in grime. 

“This might be a bad time, but I don’t have any fresh towels. I forgot to do my laundry before we left.” Bucky muttered sheepishly. 

“Would you like to borrow a towel?” I prompt as we head out of the elevator. 

“Yes please” he smiles back, following me to my room. 

“I’ll catch up with you guys later” Sam mumbles, carrying on past to his own room. The fact that he hasn’t quipped at Buck over not washing his towels reminds me of the severity of what just happened. 

Upon opening my door, I was surprised to see y/n sat on the edge of my bed, tear tracks down her face.

“Baby?” I asked, prompting her to look up and hastily wipe the tears from her face. I was still stood in the door when she replied. 

“I’m sorry for rushing out like that. I knew if I went back to my room I wouldn’t come back out. Also, I feel safer in here yanno. I’m sorry for invading your privacy” she mumbles. I step forward to comfort her, but she spots Bucky. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry” she practically cries out, rushing up off the bed trying to get past me. I place my hands on her shoulders and guide her back to the bed. 

“Don’t be silly doll” 

“Sorry sweetheart, I just came to borrow a towel” Bucky admits sheepishly. At his admission she wrinkles her nose, which causes me to chuckle slightly, along with Bucky. 

“I know. A grown as adult borrowing his buddy’s towel.” He jabs at himself.  

“Nah, you just stink” she jokes back, prompting him to wrap an arm around her and turn her to him, but that brings her face into the light causing us to notice the now very visible bruise and split lip she was sporting from her earlier attack. Both Buck and I gasp. She tries to turn away, but he doesn’t let her. 

“Oh doll, I’m so sorry we couldn’t get there in time” Buck apologises.

“What do you mean? If it wasn’t for you two and Sam, then I’d probably be holed up in the med wing by now. And that’s if Brock decided to let me live. Thank you by the way. I’m so sorry to have dragged all of you into this but I am so grateful.” 

“Please don’t thank us. I’ve told you before that we care for you and want to help you”

“Yeah sweet. Don’t thank us. Just please let us in.” I beg. “We can’t help if we don’t know what’s going on”. 

I can tell that she’s thinking of letting it out. In fact, I know she was when she decided to come to my room, but when she glanced up at Bucky I realised that it was only me she intended to tell. Apparently, Bucky guessed this too. 

“Say less, I’ll grab the towel and be gone” he smiles and presses a soft kiss to her forehead before heading out. 

“Sit down doll. I’m going to go and take a quick shower, but I’ll be straight back. You can tell me anything. It doesn’t have to be it all. Just let me in” Taking a few steps closer makes my stomach churn as I see more and more of the damage to her face. 

Without realising I’ve reached a hand up to stroke the side of her face gently. I hear her breath hitch and then see her wince in pain. She notices that I’ve noticed. 

“He landed a few kicks in my ribs before you got there” she admits shakily, and it’s the first time I notice the tears filling her eyes again. Placing both hands on each side of her face, I step closer. 

“What did he do to you baby?” I murmur to myself, but y/n heard it. Before I can say anything else she leapt forward into my arms, planting her face into my chest and wrapping her arms around me as she sobs into me. 

“Shush…it’s okay baby. I got you” I murmur wrapping my own arms around her and placing my chin on her head. I guide us to my bed to sit down but she climbs straight into my lap. 

“I’m so…so…*hiccup*…sorry” she sobs. 

“No…no sweetheart. You take your time” 

“No…you wanted a shower and I’m stopping you” she mutters as she tries to stand up again. I pull her closer. 

“You gotta stop apologising. My shower can wait. You, on the other hand, are more important and I will do anything to make you realise that.” 

At my admission, she begins to visibly relax, until she looks down and notices she’s straddling my lap. A red hue emerges over her neck and cheeks, and whilst I am 100% A-OK with the proximity, I don’t want to make her feel any more uncomfortable, so I slowly lower my arms which prompts her to slide off into a seated position next to me. From here, we can see out of the floor to ceiling windows, so we spend about 10 minutes just sat staring out in comfortable silence. 

“Luke Jackson is my brother. Older brother. Brock Rumlow is his best friend, and they have been the best of friends since they were literal kids. Since before I was born” She begins. At this, I turn my body slightly towards her to let her know that I’m listening, but her gaze is still fixed out of the window.

“The other day when I saw Brock for the first time, it was like everything came rushing back. I knew he’d recognised me. I hoped that he’d lost contact with Luke, and then I saw him in the lobby. I should have known better. I should have told someone. Maybe this never would have happened.” Y/n mimics my movements this time and turns to face me. 

“When I was 13, my school found out that my dad wasn’t treating me right, so he got arrested. Was put away with a lonnngggg sentence. Not long enough in my opinion but it’s better than nothing, I guess. Brock and Luke were pissed. Dad and Luke always got along well in the ‘hate-y/n’ fan club, and Brock fitted in really fucking well. You see they all adored my mom, but unfortunately, she died from complications stemming from my birth. So, they all blamed me. And when dad got arrested, Luke was already 18 and I had no other surviving relatives, so he had to take care of me. Already he hated me because I killed his mom, then I got his dad arrested, and then to add fuel to the fire, he had to take care of me. This anger had to be channelled somehow, so he took it out on me. Started with pushing me around a little, throwing stuff at me and calling me names. Then it progressed to full on beating me up, allowing Brock to join in, starving me, humiliating me, getting rid of all of my belongings when I was at school, locking me out. You name it, he did it, all with the help of his bestie Brock. One day when I turned 16 I had enough, so I ran away. Ran past the army recruitment office, saw they provided a place to live, and never looked back.” That son of a bitch. 

“Fuck, baby. I’m sorry” I breathe out. 

I notice her eyes wandering to my hands, and it’s only then that I realise that I’ve been gripping the comforter too tight and have ripped it in several places. I release them and tentatively place one hand over hers. All of a sudden, tears begin cascading down her cheeks, so I tug her towards me and drag her back to the headboard, with my back laid against it and y/n curled into my side. 

“I don’t usually cry this much. It’s just been so long since I’ve told anyone this. Elle is the only other person who knows.”

I didn’t know what to do with all her honesty, so the best I could do was make her feel comfortable and safe enough to cry it out. After about half an hour, her sobs quieten, but the tears are still falling. 

“I know you want to ask. I heard what Fury said. And Luke.” She whispers. 

Of course I want to ask, but I don’t want to seem too intrusive. She’s just admitted that I’m the only other person she’s told, and although it warms my heart that she trusts me so much, I don’t want to break that trust. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to doll.” Is all I say. 

“Well, I didn’t want to tell you about Luke, but I kind of feel better now that you know. Less to hide” she sighs, wrapping an arm across my stomach and burrowing even further into me. 

We’re not exactly strangers to this type of physical intimacy. Several times we have ended up in positions such as this, either from movie nights, game nights, one of Stark’s parties, or even just chilling in each other’s’ rooms. But the additional emotional intimacy elevates our closeness to another level, and it’s one I could get used to, and by the way y/n’s body language is practically screaming relaxation despite the conversation topic, I can tell she feels the same. She takes a deep breath, then pulls away from me and turns on her side to face me. I do the same. 

“Please don’t think of me any differently for what I’m about to tell you. I was young…a literal child. I knew know better and I hate myself for it every day.”

My heart begins to pound. I have a gut feeling that what she is about to tell me will make my stomach churn, but I know I have to be strong for her. 

“Is this to do with your father?” I question meekly. She nods. 

“Baby, I would never judge you, you know that right?” She nods again.

 “Okay, you can tell me.” I probe. 

“When I was a child, from around the age of 7 to 13 my father…he…he” she looks up into my eyes. Gently I smile, to encourage her and let her know that it’s okay. This is a safe space. 

“When I was a child, myfathersexuallyabusedme” y/n rushed out. 

Y/N’S POV

The words came out as more of a jumble really, but one look at Steve’s face told me he heard and understood every word. His eyes darkened, anger swimming in throughout the pools of blue, but deep down I knew he would never hurt me, so I surprised myself by carrying on. Telling Steve of this was a lot easier than I suspected it would be, which is exactly what happened when I told Elle. 

“The way my father phrased it, was that I had killed his personal ‘plaything’, so the least I could do was fill in for her whilst he looked for a replacement. I won’t go into specifics, but you can sort of guess…” I trail off. 

“Jesus fucking Christ” he grumbled out, looking up at the ceiling.

 His reaction caused tears to start forming again, and at my hesitation he looked back at me. 

“No baby, not at you. At him. You can carry on, I’m sorry.” Jesus, could this man get any more perfect? 

“At the time, I was so desperate to make him like me that I would have agreed to do anything. I didn’t really understand what he was asking of me, but I think that even if I did, I still would have agreed. I just wanted to be loved.” I admit. “I still do”. I trail off sadly. 

“You are baby. You are so loved.” Steve mumbles as he pulls me back onto his chest, wrapping an arm around me. Never have I felt so safe and secure, and I feel the need to tell him. 

“I’ve never felt so safe with someone before as I do with you.” 

“That’s because I’m a superhero.” He brushes it off nonchalantly. 

“No, it’s because you’re Steve Rogers.” 

My heart does a little flip at the blush that rises on his cheeks. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a slight crush on the super soldier. He’s been my go-to…my rock for 6 months now. Never have I felt so comfortable with someone before, not even Elle. But I know he’d never look twice at some rookie agent like me, and he certainly won’t now he knows how broken I am. What perfect golden boy would want damaged goods. It’s almost as if he can hear those thoughts. 

“None of that was your fault sweetheart. Your father is one sick fuck, Fury got that right. Your brother and Brock are even fucking worse for condoning it. You didn’t kill your mother either. It was unfortunate circumstances. You deserved love then, and you deserve it now. And you have it now. From me, Buck, Sam, Nat, Tony…heck, even Fury has a soft spot for you. Never have I seen him lose his cool like that. He just fired one of his top agents.” 

Steve’s words bring tears to my eyes again, but this time they’re accompanied with a smile. 

“I love you guys too.” I admit, laying my head back onto his chest. 

“Fury knows.” Is all he says. 

“I know. I think I knew he’d find out somehow, with all the extensive background checks. The army found out too, but luckily, they never needed to bring it to light. He didn’t tell Bucky or Sam, right?” I panic, quickly raising my upper body again. 

“No…no…shush. Relax. He said it wasn’t his place, only that your dad and brother were sick fucks/nasty pieces of work.” 

“Oh, thank god. Do you think I’ll have to tell the others.”

“No, not if you don’t want to. They will completely understand. We know better than anyone else what it is like to have a dark past. Just know that they will support you no matter what…myself included.”

Gently I lay back down again, realising just how exhausted I am now that all my adrenaline has worn off. Steve senses my tiredness. 

“Go to sleep baby.”

“What about your shower?” I ask, mid-yawn. 

“It can wait. Everything can wait for you.” He whispers close to my ear, but I’m so exhausted that by the time it fully registers what he said, my eyes are already closed and I’m practically asleep. 

STEVE’S POV

With y/n lay so cutely on my chest asleep, I have to keep reminding myself to think about anything other than what she’s just told me. Because every time I do, I go rigid with pure white, hot, blinding rage and unconsciously tense every muscle, causing her to whine in discomfort. What hurts the most is that she has only ever confided optionally in one other person, and that person hasn’t been speaking to her for 6 months. Especially since she spotted Luke and has been working with Brock. Having no one to talk to about this must have been almost impossible, hence why she was so distracted. The thought of it makes me even more grateful for my best friends Sam and Bucky. Especially for how they looked after her today. Knowing that they have her back just as much as I do eases some of my tension, and reminding myself that she came to my room to confide in me, and said she feels safest with me, not even with Captain America, but with me, Steve Rogers, makes my heart do a little flip. One final glance down at her beautiful face relaxing from her peaceful slumber causes me to shut my eyes and relax just for a little bit, but it’s not long until the exhaustion from the mission and adrenaline rush of the day catches up to me, and soon I too am floating through dream land.

A Few Days Later…

Y/N’s POV

I can’t remember the last time I felt this free. I have no secrets from Steve (other than the fact that I am crushing on him BIG TIME) and it feels so fucking nice. He’s really helped me ever since the incident, making sure I get access to proper therapy. The school offered me some when I was younger, but it was the low-grade stuff that didn’t even scrape the surface, especially as the school counsellor really wasn’t equipped to deal with such trauma. 

Bucky and Sam have also been incredible. In the end I decided to tell them about it all. Telling Steve felt so freeing, and both he and my therapist helped me to understand that it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault that my mom died. It wasn’t my fault that my dad sexually abused me. It wasn’t my fault that my dad got sent to prison for the crime that HE committed, and I certainly wasn’t to blame when Brock and Luke couldn’t contain their anger. 

I decided that I wanted to tell them in Steve’s room again, it had become my safe space, and with Steve holding my hand (quite literally) I plucked up the courage to tell them. Sam was super sweet, falling into his VA role with words of encouragement, telling me how proud of me he was and that he would support me no matter what. Bucky on the other hand had to be restrained by Steve for 5 minutes to prevent him from, in his own words ‘finding those little shits, detaching each of their limb’s piece by piece, and finally putting a bullet between their eyes.’ As for my dad, bucky devised the plan of ‘chopping his dick off and suffocating him with it.’ Whilst the idea of both plans was very tempting, the thought of Bucky having to face the repercussions was more concerning. 

Eventually, he agreed not to carry out his plans, just fantasise about them instead, and as soon as Steve released him, he darted up and pulled me into a bear hug. 

“They should have protected you, not blame you. I would have protected you. You’re like my little sister.” He whispered into my hair. I then felt two more arms wrap around me from the back, causing Bucky to groan. 

“Shut up Buck, this isn’t about you.” Sam warned, but I could feel him grinning into my neck. 

“He’s right though, they should have protected you. I would have protected you.” He admitted sincerely. 

“I wish you two were my brothers instead” I well up, causing more tears to fall. 

“Well I guess that makes it official then. You have now adopted two new brothers.” Bucky jokes, picking me up and spinning me around. Their words cause tears to form in my eyes. He places me down and gives me an earnest smile. 

“Thanks guys. Love ya.” Sam pulls me into a side hug and kisses my forehead. 

“Love you too girl.” 

Fury gave me the option of pressing charges against Brock and Luke, but I decided not to. I was fortunate enough that I didn’t have to actually tell Fury, he just did his research, but with a strong promise from the guys not to tell anyone, and the Avengers not to pry (because of course they found out something had happened) I wanted to do my best to move on from it. The thought of having to unpack all of that in a courtroom for a bunch of random people made me want to vomit. Instead, Steve, Sam, and Bucky went on a ‘mini mission’ to locate Brock and Luke, take them to an abandoned warehouse, and quite literally threaten them within an inch of their life (well…that was mainly Bucky) that if they ever came near me again, or told a soul, then their bodies would wash up on the shores somewhere in Europe. And it seemed to have worked. They were wiped from the S.H.I.E.L.D employee database and were almost already forgotten. 

Bucky took over Rumlow’s training schedule for the trainees and the change in everyone’s moods was instant. Rather than being bullied for our weaknesses, Bucky, Steve or Sam would pull us aside and help us to fix it. Now, as a team, we are stronger than ever, passing physicals and aptitude tests better than any of us did before. It feels good to know they support us. Steve also pulled me aside to tell that me that Fury is still considering me for further training to support the Avengers when we graduate in about 4 months. 

On the surface, life looked pretty good. But there was still one thing I hadn’t done. 

“Are you sure it’s okay for her to come here?” I asked Bucky for the hundredth time. 

“Doll…please. Stop asking me. Of course it is. She passed the clearance so there are no issues. Unless she’s like secretly Hydra and this was all a ruse to infiltrate us.” He finishes with a wink. I gasp in mock shock. 

“How could you say that?” I smile as I place a hand on my chest and feign hurt. Normally I would have asked Steve, but he had to go on a quick mission with Sam and given that I’m not a fully-fledged agent I needed someone to supervise her entrance to the tower for clearance. So here we are, stood side by side in front of the back entrance to the tower. I told Elle to meet me around here to prevent garnering too much attention on Bucky. You’d be amazed at how many women fawn all over him. 

“You’d be surprised by what they try to do.”

“Well, I can assure you I’m not Hydra. Just plain ‘ol Elle” comes a quiet voice from behind. Both Bucky and I turn around at the same time, and both of our breaths hitch. Mine from the shock of seeing her in front of me after so long and missing her so much. One look at Bucky and the heart eyes he was making at her told me all I needed to know. 

“Hi” she squeaked out. I couldn’t form the words to say how I felt, so instead I rushed forward into her arms, and she welcomed me. 

“I missed you so much” I whisper. We stand like that for about 5 minutes until Bucky quietly coughs behind us. 

“Not that I want to break this up, but…” he trails off. 

“Oh yeah…of course. Sorry Buck” I wince as I step back. He reaches his hand out to Elle. 

“Hi, I’m Bucky” he winks, turning on his famous charm. 

“Elle” she smiles back shyly. Well this is going to be fun. 

6 Months Later…

Y/N’S POV

If you could go back in time and change the way you did things, you would. It turns out that telling people your past is very cathartic. Now, when you wake up, you actually feel the sun on your skin, not just peeking through the dark cloud that is your past. And this sun is especially bright today. 

“GOOD MORNING HONEY”

“GET UP BABYDOLL” 

“Guys, give the lady some respect.”

Hearing them outside your door brought the biggest of grins to your face. 

“FUCK OFF” you shout back.

“Hey, I was nice to you.” Steve quips back. Of course he was. He always is. Ignoring the tiny flip your heart does when you hear his voice, you peel back the covers. 

Today is probably the most important day of your life. You graduate S.H.I.E.L.D training. That’s right. You become a fully-fledged agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

“Move your asses weirdos. Y/N open up.” Comes the very demanding voice of your best friend Elle. 

Why is she here in the tower you ask. Well, three guesses. Ever since Bucky set his eyes on her that fateful day six months ago, they’ve been absolutely smitten with each other. Within a week of meeting each other, they’d been on 4 dates and couldn’t stop gushing about each other. After a brief 2-month deployment, they became inseparable. Any day off they have together, they spend together. Both in bed and out of it. It can be sickening at times, but most of the time it’s actually really sweet to see them both so happy together. Plus, with Elle staying with Bucky all of the time, it means you get to see your best friend regularly, albeit with Bucky tagging along. But he’s more like a bodyguard, just hanging back, loitering ready to protect from any danger. 

You see, Bucky loves you both but in different ways. You’re like his little sister, and ever since the incident he has turned up the protectiveness. Even though he saw and instilled the fear himself in Brock and Luke’s eyes, he still worries that they’ll turn up for one last attempt at punishment. Elle is the love of his damn life. When you know, you know. She sees him for him. There’s no Winter Soldier with her. There’s no super solider with her. He’s just Bucky. 

The only problem with seeing your best friend all the time is also hearing her. All night. Bucky’s room is next to yours and opposite Steve’s which means Sams’ room is the quietest (though you can still hear EVERYTHING) which means that the 3 of you have found yourselves huddled in his room with a spontaneous movie night too many times to count. Even with the volume impossibly loud, there’s no mistaking what they’re doing, especially poor Steve with his super-hearing. The worst part is the next morning when trying not to make eye contact. 

But overall, you, Steve and Sam couldn’t be happier for them two. 

At this point, all 4 of them have seen you at your worse, so after quickly brushing your teeth you don’t even bother with pants or brushing your hair before you open your door. 

“WHY are you 3 out here shouting like idiots.” 

“BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BIG DAY GORGEOUS” Sam grins. 

“Did you really think we wouldn’t make a big deal of today?” Bucky smirks. 

“And your excuse golden boy?” you ask, cocking your hip as you turn towards Steve, but at his silence you bring your eyes to his face only to find that he’s not looking at yours, instead raking his gaze along your legs. You feel the blush creep up your neck, and at Bucky’s snicker you know he’s seen it too. 

“Ahem” Sam coughs, also smirking. 

“Sorry, what?” Steve asks shaking his head a bit, and when his gaze meets yours, he at least has the decency to look slightly sheepish. 

“Why are you here?” you ask.

“It’s your big day baby, we gotta celebrate you properly starting with the best breakfast we can find.” He smirks widely at the nickname he dropped. 

If there’s one thing about America’s golden boy, it’s that he is far from being a golden boy. He knows what it does to you when he calls you ‘baby’. Everyone knows what it does to you. There’s no way he doesn’t know about your affections towards him, but as a trainee it is wildly inappropriate for him to even acknowledge them. You have no idea whether or not Steve reciprocates, and even though Sam, Bucky, and even Elle try to tell you that he is just as sweet on you, you still have doubts. Technically you finished the academy weeks ago so there’s no reason why he hasn’t made a move yet. Knowing that he doesn’t feel the same way does make you feel awful, but being able to elicit these small moments of flirting fills the void just enough to get through the day. So even though it’s like slow torture, you’ll take it. 

“Precisely.” Elle speaks up, breaking your trance with Steve. 

“Seriously Elle, could you find a shorter t-shirt” you joke with her upon taking in her appearance. 

Messy sex hair and the shortest t-shirt known to man that barely covers her tiny thong is all that adorns your best friends’ body. Meanwhile you’re stood there in an old pyjama t-shirt and wearing the ugliest boy shorts with messy bed hair. Not sex hair. If there’s was ever an image to highlight the differences between you and your best friend, it would be this. And even though you love her like a sister, it’s hard not to feel insecure in her presence when she looks so hot, and you don’t, especially with Steve here, making it painfully evident that you are not worthy of the hot super soldier. Elle is hot. She is worthy of a super soldier superhero. You are not. 

With Elle being the best person in the world, she reads your emotions in your eyes, and if there’s one thing this girl knows how to do, it’s change the subject and make you feel better. 

“Oh hush, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before” she winks.

“Oh that’s hot” Sam practically groans out. 

“Gross” you and Elle say at the same time, wrinkling your noses. 

“Hey”

 “Oi” Steve and Bucky shout at the same time, each slapping Sam around the back of head. 

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about perv” Bucky grumbles, pulling off his own t-shirt and pulling it down over Elle which covers up considerably more. 

“And that’s my…” Steve hesitates, causing you all to look at him. “Friend” he mumbles, as though in pain. You know that’s all you are, but it still hurts. 

“We were roommates you freak” Elle hisses, shoving you into your room. “Bye boys. See you at breakfast” she shouts over her shoulder as she pushes you both into your room and slams the door. 

“That boy is so damn soft on you” she grins. 

“Elle, please. Not today.” You mumble, heading to your closet to pick out your outfit for the day, fighting the tears slowly pooling in your eyes. 

“Okay babe. I won’t push it; I can tell it’s not the right time. But I’m not letting this go.” She warns as she exits your room. 

You know exactly what she refers to: you pining after Steve. If there was one person who would notice, it would be her, which means she also knows how disappointed you are that Steve hasn’t made a move yet, and as today technically marks your final day as a trainee, it means he isn’t interested at all if he was going to make a move he would’ve. This means that, as of 4pm this afternoon, at the end of the ceremony you will officially be in the mourning period of what could have been with Steve. The thought of Steve not reciprocating your feelings shattered your soul. After you told Steve everything, he promised you that he didn’t see you any differently, but you can’t help but doubt that. Especially when everyone tells you Steve likes you, yet he shows no signs of it. 

Graduation day officially marks the end of your trainee phase leaving you as a fully certified S.H.I.E.L.D agent, so if Steve wanted to make a move, then he could. Relationships with superiors are frowned upon as a trainee: people could argue Steve (and Bucky by virtue) gave you special treatment. Training ended 6 weeks ago with final exams already being marked and assessed, yet Steve hasn’t made a move, clearly highlighting his lack of interest, hence your glum mood. Even on a day which is supposed to be one of the best in your life, your heart feels like it is breaking in two. Of course you are insanely proud of yourself; not only did you finish top of your classes in everything, but you also faced your personal demons. 

With that thought in mind, you managed to pluck up enough courage to dress somewhat nicely (though the lure of comfy loungewear was incredibly strong knowing how uncomfortable you would be in your formal S.H.I.E.L.D wear at the ceremony later on) and meet the guys in the kitchen for breakfast. 

“HOT STUFF” Sam greeted loudly, running over to you and spinning you round. The affection in his actions warmed your soul, so you allowed yourself to grin widely and push your longing to the back of your mind in order to enjoy your day with everyone as much as possible. Afterall, it isn’t often that you get to enjoy all 4 of your best friends together. 

A FEW HOURS LATER…

“Congratulations agent y/l/n, I can’t wait to work alongside you.” Steve said as he approached you and gathered you into a huge hug. 

The ceremony where all new agents go up and collect their S.H.I.E.L.D agent badge just ended and lord were you relieved. Yes, you look smart and quite well put together, but the itch of the starchy uniform was really starting to irritate you. You couldn’t wait to get out of it and into your beautiful new dress for the afterparty later. 

“Aw thanks Steve. I couldn’t have done it without you, or you two” you coo. 

Several times the 3 soldiers have tried to downplay their role in your success, but honestly, without Steve’s constant support and unwavering faith in your ability to overcome your past, you wouldn’t have been able to make it through the mental demands of the job. Not only that, but Bucky and Sam became lifelines when it came to the physical side of training. Bucky helped you master wielding a weapon quicker than any trainer in the army ever did; the army taught you that it was your first line of defence, but Bucky taught you it was your last. With Sam not having any serum, he became a godsend when it came to practicing hand-to-hand combat or overcoming the physical demands of the job. Whenever you asked him to train with you, he never said no, and for that you were so grateful. Yes, you were very aware of just how fortunate you were to have all of this support. 

“Ahhhh….you’re welcome doll.” Bucky grins widely, arm slung around Elle’s shoulders. 

“Yeah honey, gotta make sure I know you got my back avenging.” Sam quipped. 

“HA” you guffawed. “I don’t think you’ll be seeing me on any avenger missions falcon.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure agent y/l/n. You have displayed a strong character and admirable determination for growth and improvement. 6 months of regular agent duties, then I want you training with the Avengers.” Nick Fury said from behind you. 

You spun around in complete shock, so surprised in fact that you missed the proud smiles on Steve, Sam, Bucky, and Elle’s faces as you met the stoic gaze of the man you held the most respect for.

“Tha..” you croaked out. With a slight cough, you began again, already feeling your blush creep up your cheeks. “Thank you, Director Fury, Sir. It would be an honour.”

“The honour would be mine.” Is all he added, with a knowing smile. It was as clear as day for anyone to see that Fury admired your strength in dealing with your family. 

“See, I told you to have more faith in yourself.” Came the deep rumble of Steve’s voice in your ear, so close that you could feel the warmth of his breath caress your soft skin. Your breath hitched un your throat, and you knew Steve noticed, but with a sudden surge of confidence, you turned your head towards him and brought your gaze up to his blue eyes. 

“Lucky I have you to pick me up then” you smiled earnestly. 

“Always” came his soft reply, something in his gaze softening as he held your stare intensely. It was almost as though everything around you ceased to exist, until a rather excited agent interrupted. 

“Sergeant Barnes, are you going to keep training us in weaponry. You’re the best the academy’s ever had.” 

The agent’s exclamation startled you both, causing Steve’s head to snap up. You followed his path as you looked at the agent in question. You knew the agent had seen you and Steve positioned rather closely, and you knew Steve knew as he pushed you away from him in a desperate manner. With a grunt, he straightened the tie of his impossibly tight shirt and mumbled a quick ‘catch-up later’ before he took off into the crowd of excited new agents. 

You knew the crack in your heart was painfully evident on your face as you met the sympathetic gazes of the others. Trying to summon the last of your strength, you faked a small smile and excused yourself to the refreshments section, feigning thirst.

“Fucking punk” was all you heard from Bucky as you quickly fled the scene, trying desperately to fight the tears threatening to cascade. 

“Y/N! Y/N wait” Elle cried after you. She quickly caught up and softly grasped your arm to turn you towards her. One look at your teary eyes had her quickly pulling you away from the crowds and into a more secluded section. “Come on babe.” 

“I’m sorry. I’ll get over it, I just need a minute.”

“Take your time. Buck said this bit is reserved for this evening so no one will come here.”

“God, even those dimwits picked up on it. How dumb can I be” you cried out, not caring how much your mascara ran anymore. 

Elle gathered you up into your arms. 

“Hey, hey. I won’t have you talking about my best friend like that.” She warned. “You are not stupid. Far from it. He is the stupid one for not seeing what is right in front of him.” 

“No, no he’s not. He’s smart. Who the hell would want to be with me. I have baggage a mile wide. There’s nothing appealing about me.” You sobbed into Elle’s shoulder. 

“That’s not true��� came the deep grumble of Steve’s voice behind you, in the tone he often used when you were being too hard on yourself. You squeaked in surprise, and before you could hide behind Elle, she had pulled away and muttered a quick “I’ll give you two some space.”

You swiftly dapped at your eyes and tried to muster the most neutral face you could, but it just seemed impossible. Steve had seen you at your worst, he always saw right through you, and you knew he was all too aware that the tears were because of him. 

“Baby…I…” he started, starting forward as he reached for you, but you took a step back. 

“No. Please Steve, don’t do this.” You all but begged. 

“Do what. I want to be honest with you.”

“Say something just to try to make me feel better.” 

“Sweetheart, that’s not what I’m doing. I would never do that. Everything I say to you is honest.” He replied in a surprisingly strong voice, completely contrasting his previous tone. 

“I just…god….I….I’m really” he stuttered again, voice once again becoming uncertain. He took a deep breath in, took a step towards you, and you didn’t move back this time, which seemed to encourage him to go on.

“You were so brave when you told me about your past. I’m trying to be brave like you were. God, for a super soldier I certainly lack bravery when it comes to talking.” You giggled at his rambling, watching the corners of his lips curve slightly at the sound of your laugh. This time you took the step toward him, and watched as he straightened up, as though your presence had affected him, which you knew wasn’t true.

“I like you y/n. No, in fact I love you. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. Think of all the stars and planets and galaxies and universes out there, and then times that by 1 million, and then infinity and then 4 billion and then double it. That’s how much I love you. I have loved you since the moment you cussed me out for sneaking up on you. I loved your passion when you spoke about helping people, I loved your ability to see past me as an avenger, but instead spoke to me like a normal person. Like Steve. I loved you when you immediately accepted Sam and Buck bickering like an old married couple. I loved you when you first stepped into the training arena that day with so much determination to succeed. I loved how you slotted yourself right into my life the moment you got here. One minute I’m spending every minute either alone or with Sam and Buck and wondering what I’m doing wrong in life for them to be the only people seeking me out.” 

You laughed again at his words but couldn’t stop the tears from flowing freely from your eyes. You both took a step closer to one another, this time close enough for Steve to place a hand on either side of your head, and you to brace your hands on the crisp white shirt covering his muscled chest.  

“Every morning, I awake so excited to see you. For the first time in such a long time, I can barely wait to go to sleep, because it means that when I awaken in the morning, I can think of you again.  Sleeping on missions used to be so hard, but now its slightly easier because I know I’ll see you in my dreams. You’re always there, waiting for me.”

“Steve” you practically whisper, watching tears gather in his own eyes as his thumbs wipe the tears from under your eyes. 

“But I have never loved you more than the day you opened up to me. The courage and strength it took you to tell me made me realise just how proud of you I was. I am. That night when you lay in my arms, all I could think about was how much my heartbeat for you. Even through the rage I felt, the blinding hot rage that swarmed my mind and body and soul, every move you made, every thought about you that I had, made my heart slow. Relax. Swoon. I wanted to hurt them. Torture them, not kill them because that’s the easy way out, but I wanted them to feel the pain, but I wanted you to feel safe more. Because I love you. I can’t tell you the pain I feel in my heart when I think of what they did to you, but just know that it’s nothing compared to what I will inflict on them the next time I see them, if I ever do though it’s not likely given how much Bucky made them shit their pants.” Steve joked. 

Even through your tears, you couldn’t help but smile. He loved you. He loves you. 

“I know I should have told you this sooner. Believe me, it has killed me to be around you but not be able to act on this. But I did it to protect you. I know you know what they would say about you if we were ever found out. It’s wrong, but that’s the way it is, and I hate it. Sam had to take over the agents’ physical training because I couldn’t bring myself to lay a finger on you, and if I can’t fight you then I can’t fight anyone.”

“Oh Steve. I thought it was because you were worried, I’d think you were going to hurt me like Luke and Brock” you cooed, stepping even closer this time and sliding your arms around to his back, underneath his suit jacket. 

“No baby. I just couldn’t hurt you. I thought I was discreet about it, but it turns out everyone knows how much of a goner I am for you except you, and that kills be baby. Hell, even seeing Bucky and Elle together made my heart hurt, because that should be us. I waited until today to tell you because I wanted everyone to see just how much of an amazing person you are first. I wanted people to watch you walk across that stage on your own so that they could see just how incredible you are to achieve this without anyone’s help. I know you think we helped you, but it’s all you baby girl. You’re phenomenal. You’ve done so well to be where you are today. You’ve handled everything alone and I couldn’t be prouder, so I wanted you to have one more day where you could feel the pride in yourself that I and everyone else has for you when we see you thrive. One more day before I hopefully swoop in and tell you that you don’t need to do it on your own anymore. That I am here to help you. To help carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Before I tell you that I lov…” 

You don’t let him finish his sentence before your mind takes over your body and crashes your lips to his. It was though a thousand fireworks went off in your heart as it sung for you as though an invisible string tied to Steve’s own heart pulled you both together. You moaned and groaned into each other before the lack of oxygen caused you to pull away. 

Breathless, you both stood there gazing into each other’s eyes. Despite all he had said though, you still struggled to believe that he could want you. This brought a fresh onslaught of tears to your eyes, causing you to close them in attempt to keep them at bay. Steve seemed to sense this, and closed his own as he brought his forehead to your own. 

“Talk to me” he soothed. 

“I am not perfect.”

“I don’t want you to be.” 

“I have so much baggage Steve.”

“Good thing I’m a super soldier then with super strength.” 

“Steve, you don’t understand” 

“No. I do understand sweetheart. You think I don’t have my own baggage. Hell, I’m over 100 hundred years old.”

“What if I ruin us”

“I doubt that very much”

“No…but…what if my problems are too much.”

“You could never be too much” he soothed. 

No matter what worry you had, he found a way to oppose it. 

“But this might not be like a normal relationship though” you whimpered.

“Why” 

“Because I can’t…I don’t” you huffed in frustration. 

“Now who can’t talk” he joked. 

“Steeeveeee” you whined. “It’s not funny”

“It sort of his” he smiled. 

“What if we can’t…you know…do what other couples do. I’ve not…since my dad…yanno” 

“No, I don’t know. I need you to use your words honey” he cooed, and in that moment right then, you knew that Steve cared, already opening a line of communication for the both of you, something any healthy couple has. 

“I haven’t you know…been…” you mumbled. 

“Intimate?” he prompted. 

“Yeah” you sighed out in relief that he finally got what you were trying to say. Looking up into the crystal blue gaze, you realised that the judgement you feared wasn’t there, prompting you to carry on. 

“I’ve never been…. intimate” you struggled “with anyone but…but him” you admitted. 

“Okay baby. Then we go slow. We go so slow that we could be together forever and only try it on our death beds. I don’t care. If you think I only want you because I want sex then clearly, I haven’t done a good enough job of proving just how much I love you.”

“NO! I…You…You’ve done a great job” you admit shyly as you begin to smile slightly again. “It’s just my stupid past interfering”

“It’s not stupid. It’s valid. We will figure it out. We will figure it all out together okay. Do you trust me?” he asked earnestly, looking so deeply into your eyes it was like your souls called out to each other. 

“Steve. Of course I do…I love you.” 

Your admission caused the man to smile so widely, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so elated. He picked you up in a bear hug and spun you around. 

“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that” he breathed into your head once he placed you back down. “We’re in this together okay…until the end”

“The end?” you question. 

“When we’re sat on our porch holding each other watching our grandchildren and great grandchildren play as we reminisce on this very moment”. 

The very thought of doing that with him makes you smile just as wide as him. 

“Fuck. I love you Steve” 

“I know” he grins as he kisses you again.

“FUCKING FINALLY”

“GET IT GIRL”

“TOLD YOUUUU” 

You both chuckled at the mixed voices of Bucky, Sam and Elle who all stood at the edge of the area, whoop whooping and grinning so much you couldn’t help but giggle yourself. You felt Steve wrap his arms around you tightly and you nuzzled yourself into his chest. 

“I can’t wait to spend forever with you” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

“Me neither” you admit, closing your eyes and relaxing yourself completely into his embrace. 

Fuck your dad. Fuck Luke, and fuck Brock, because this. They couldn’t touch this. But god help them when Steve, Sam and Buck find them again. And god help your dad on release day. 

AHHHHHHH!!! Thank you guys for making it this far!!! I hope you enjoyed it :)

[isabelawritesthings]

Targaryen kings reacting to books!Daenerys

(I tried to make their reactions consistent with their personalities, If you like it maybe I'll do a part two ❤)

*reactions after daenerys' last chapter in ADWD*

Aegon V: By the gods, did she just get lost in the Dothraki sea?

Aerys I: Correction, she ended up being captured by the Dothraki.

Aegon V: But they won't do anything to her, right? She was a khal's wife!

Aerys I: I think this deserves a family meeting, Aegon, wake the others!

*let's imagine that egg just asked the others to wake up*

Aegon III: What happened, Aerys? Is the girl causing problems again?

Daeron II: Shouldn't she be the greatest pride of our great house?

Aegon II: I thought the conqueror and Jaehaerys I were our greatest pride.

Aegon III: Do you remember, uncle, that my brothers and I were our mother's greatest pride? Oh yes, but you and your brothers killed everyone, including her.

Daeron I: Guys, please, you are worse than the Dornish, and to this day I still can't believe that we married Dornish women!

Maekar I: I was very happy with my Dornish wife when she was alive, I can't say the same about Aerys II's boy.

Aegon V: Guys, can we get back to the point? Speaking of my lunatic grandson's children, what will we do with the last of us?

Aenys I: She brought back the dragons! She is a hero!

Aegon II: She can't be a hero, she's a woman, Viserys should be the hero, but he, well, got the golden crown he asked for so much.

Jaehaerys I: I agree, but I don't deny that she sometimes reminds me of my grandfather.

Aegon I: It is truly surprising that a woman ultimately proves to be the salvation of our dynasty, dragon blood is always strong.

Viserys I: She reminds me of my Rhaenyra, she knows what she wants and is willing to face as many challenges as necessary and... oh, hi, Aegon, I didn't see you there.

Aegon II: Father! Not now! We are discussing whether this little girl is worthy of our approval or not. Although it's a useless discussion, look at her, she's married but she's cheating on her husband with a mercenary?!

Daeron I: Don't you also cheat on Helaena with prostitutes? Even Maegor was faithful to his six wives!

Aegon V: Guys, you are completely changing the focus of the discussion, Dany needs us!

Maegor I: You're all boring, but of course, you had to have Aenys' blood!

Baelor I: Let's stop arguing and let's pray for the seven to bless Daenerys.

Maegor I: A Targaryen faithful to the faith of the seven? We are totally lost!

Aegon I: We are lost if we leave the fate of our bloodline in this girl's hands!

Viserys II: It was my mother's bloodline that prevailed, uncle, yours is dead and buried.

Aegon IV: Whatever, can we drink now?

Maegor I: I want to end you all so bad now.

*the targs start to argue*

Jaehaerys II: Why do people only remember me as "the mad king's father"? :'(

[what-gs-watching]

"You guys are like a dead married couple on acid."

Y’ALL, I watched Dead Boy Detectives. Which really, should come as no surprise. Because of the whole Neil Gamain thing. But also because that kind of weird is right up my alley.

I have to say, I’m absolutely loving this trend of teen-shows-with-absolutely-wild-shit-happening. This was not a thing when I was younger, and I thoroughly appreciate it. Why did I only have Dawson’s Creek and Sabrina the Teenage Witch and fucking Boy Meets World? Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those but what I really would have benefited from was teen drama with fucked up situations. Gen Z is kind of lucky I guess? (LOL jk except for the entire state of the world, but at least they get good shows…)

Wherein two teenaged ghosts form a detective agency to help solve cases for other ghosts that would otherwise go ignored, while running from death lest they be forced into the afterlife and separated, making friends with a psychic and other humans along the way. 

The thing is, you gotta let go with this show. It gets INCREDIBLY weird and you have to roll with it. Edwin’s death by accidental satanic sacrifice? Sure. Crystal the psychic purposely letting a demon possess her? Okay yeah. A supernatural entity that controls all cats in a small town, ridiculously named the Cat King? Harder to swallow, but I guess. A literal crow that gets turned into a boy who loves astrology? Confusing but, go on.  Incredibly aggressive and vulgar sprites eventually locked up in a jar? Actually, that’s hilarious I’m good with that. 

Truly, it’s absurd. And surprisingly violent. But also, and again no surprise, I was all about the underlying subtext between Edwin, who died in 1916, and his relationship with Charles, who died in 1989. I will always get behind a decades long ‘will they won’t they’ even if it’s between ghosts. Because I’m a fucking sucker for boys maybe being in love. And the entire trope in general. I love love, gang, even if it’s surrounded by horrible things happening. Maybe even more, if it is? I’m not sure what that says about me, but I’m WITH it. 

Also there is a TON going on in this show, they cover an incredible amount in 8 episodes. I always appreciate shows that can carry an overall storyline and smaller ones in a good balance. Monster of the week slash lore smushed together is always so satisfying. 

I’ve seen some reviews talking about the acting being less than stellar but like, they’re supposed to be kids. Everything is dramatic to kids. Who cares? They carried it as best as they could, and there isn’t anything really that stuck out to me as absolutely cringe worthy. Yeah they look older than they’re meant to but again, who cares. Let go, people. 

AND how excited was I to see the actress that played Rowena in Supernatural as the Night Nurse? Absolutely perfect choice. If they get another season I can’t wait to see her relationship with the boys grow. 

Thinking about it, maybe I like teen dramas that are absolutely not grounded in reality because it’s easier to stomach the allegories they want you to, that way. Edwin learns to confront his feelings, both about Charles and with the kid that inadvertently caused his death. Crystal struggles with her memory and the person she used to be versus the person she wants to be. Niko has to figure out how to have friends again after becoming a shut-in. Charles struggles with memories from his life and feeling powerless, choosing to paper a happy face over it instead. Jenny has to confront her distrust of literally everyone and her fear of love (even if that went  horribly wrong). 

I don’t want to be beaten over the head with life lessons (I still haven’t finished Dawson’s Creek, it’s just too much to take sometimes) but I WILL absorb them while characters fight off horrible witches and try to defeat sea monsters. Ya girl clearly needs to be tricked into learning things. Don’t we all? Isn’t it better that way?  

I mean, you’re still getting force fed those slightly saccharine sentiments, for sure, but it’s easier  to swallow.  Gimme a little bit of spice with that sweet, please. 

The point is: this show is adorable. Can a show that’s about ghosts and witches and general supernatural fuckery be adorable? I don’t care, it totally is. And it slightly quenched my unending Good Omens thirst for like, a minute, and that’s obviously incredibly hard to do. 

So, I’m here for it. Gimme more Dead Boys.

[naushtheaspiringauthor]

hi! i saw your autumn writing event post and maybe you can do a nikolai lantsov x grisha!f!reader (preferably a tidemaker) using the prompt of "The Great War"? thank you ^^

War Of Hearts- Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

A/N- Hi anon! Tysm for this request I had a lot of fun writing it! So I hope you enjoy reading it.

Warnings- None

Summary- You were by Nikolai's side through all of his battles. You helped him endure all kinds of hardships. Yet, you never found yourself to be worthy of him. Until you were proven wrong

You'd met Nikolai during the hunt for the Sea Whip. You were originally with the Darkling's crew, but not upon your will. So you betrayed him, and helped Alina and Mal to escape along with Sturmhond's crew. And that might've been one of the best decision you ever made.

You were quite startled to find out that Sturmhond was actually the second born prince of Ravka, Nikolai Lantsov. But your reaction wasn't as extreme as Alina, who decided to immediately punch him in the face. 

At first, you didn't pay much mind to the prince as he was too deep indulged elsewhere and you were just happy to be back with your friends at the Little Palace. But soon you found yourself getting attached to the him as you spent more of your time with him. But you dismissed any unnecessary feelings from entering your heart, because you knew he was meant to be with the Sun Summoner or someone who was as high status as him, and not just another Grisha soldier. Yet still you found yourself to be the one who was mostly affected when he'd been plagued with Merzost. And you've been by his side when its effects wore off and he became him ,again.

When the civil war ended, Alina left to live the life she always wished for, and made you a member of the triumvirate to represent the Etherealki. You wondered if the prince even remembered you after all this time, but it turned out that he did more than just keep your memories alive. 

You were the person he trusted to share his secret with, and help him through it all. And so you did, every night you went to the Grand Palace, to his chambers and binded him in chains so as to not let the demon within him come out. No matter how much it shattered your hear, you did it every night with a fearless look. 

You accompanied him during the trip to find the thorn wood and perform the Obisbaya to rid himself of his demon, even though it didn't work out in the end. You fought by his side when the Fjerdans unleashed their army of parem-drugged Grisha.

Yet even after all, you didn't find yourself to be worthy of him. He was the King of Ravka, the saviour of the people, their protector and you, you didn't even know who you were anymore. He deserved to marry a princess or some respected noble's daughter. And yet still, you would stand by his side and be happy for him and you would protect him with your lie, yet still. 

-----------------------------------------------

You were sitting by yourself under one of the verandas of the grand palace, as it was raining steadily. You always enjoyed the calmness and peace the rain brought along. You reached out your hand to let raindrops fall on your palm, and then used your small science to freeze them. You slowly mended the raindrops to form various figures. You were entirely grateful for every moment of peace you attained after fighting in countless battles and wars. 

----------------------------------------------

Nikolai was passing by the verandas when he saw you sitting by yourself. He silent crept to a corner of a walk and leaned on to it as he watched you with great interest. He was delighted to see the rare sight of you without your armour of bravery. He was delighted to see you being, you.

He reminisced of all the memories he had with you, all the days and nights you were by his side. Truth was, that no one has been by his side as you had. You had held his hand when others didn't even notice how hurt he was. You'd saved him on countless occasions, even when his demon had almost succeeded in hurting you. 

He knew he was required to be with someone who was of high status, a princess, a nobel's daughter, but he could never stop his gaze from falling towards only one person that being you. He'd done so much for this country, sacrificed so many things, so couldn't he for once get what he wished for? 

So he finally decided to approach you

-----------------------------------------

You were too deeply indulged in your thoughts to notice Nikolai coming from behind. 

"Enjoying the rain? " You turned around in a haste to see him leaning against a wall. 

"Yeah, and the quiet environment" you responded as he sat beside you

"Peace, quite, difficult to come by these days" he sighed

"Yeah". You both remained silent for a moment and looked at the endearing scene in front of you before he spoke again

"Y/n?"

"Yes?" you raised an eyebrow

"Thank you, for everything. For being with me through it all" his gaze turned towards you

"Of course, Nikolai. Besides, there should be someone to stop you from doing the most idiotic things in the face of earth" You grinned. 

"I- well that is true. But you do enjoy my company, don't you" he raised both his eyebrows and tilted his side to a side

"Maybe" you shrugged playfully

He placed a hand on his chest to and gave you a fake hurt look. "I expected more" he frowned

" What, you want me tell you how much you mean to me and how you've been my light, my hope in the darkness" you responded, dragging the syllables in a mocking tone

"Yeah, actually, you have" His gaze grew softer as he looked deep in your eyes, making you look at him with confused expression

"You've truly been with me through all of my battles, y/n. You've helped me in ways no one else ever had,. You have healed me in ways, that no one else ever had. And even if you won't think of me in the way I do, I can never think of being with anyone but you, y/n. I can never need anyone as much as I need you" He held up your hand in his. 

His words made all of your worries fade away. You'd never expected him to say anything like this, and even when he did, you wondered if your ears had deceived you. 

You placed your other hand on top of his and smiled softly as your gaze met his. "I would do it all again for you, Nikolai.  You've no idea of the ways you have helped me. I would fight countless battles and wars, just to see you smile once again. And even though you're not mine, I would still do everything in my power and more to see you happy"

"Oh but I don't wish to be with any other but you, my love. I only want you" he slowly raised his hand and cupped a side of your face.

You no longer restrained yourself, and closed the distance between you and pressed your lips on his, but slowly pulled away from him hesitantly. You both looked at each other for a moment, before his lips crashed on yours. His lips had the kind of warmth that you never had felt before. It was the moment you'd always yearned for, but never thought it would every be true. And you wished for nothing more but just for this moment to last forever. 

You slowly pulled away from him and pressed your forehead on his. In that moment, you really won the greatest battle of your life. 

[dark-night-star-light]

Things in Spirit Animals that piss me off:

Abeke and her father making up. He's abusive to her her entire life and then he suddenly makes up with her because she's a hero now? Wow, well, wonder where that change of heart came from. I do indeed wonder. It drives the idea that you should forgive family for everything because they are family. Where did my found family themes go? What about Rollan and Tarik?

Lord MacDonnell not getting what was coming for him. The guy sucks. He's horrible, I don't care if he's on the good guys' side. In fact, it makes the story more complex that he's on the good guys' side. I quite like that, actually. Lord MacDonnell was a good addition to add to the nuance of the Greencloaks not being the source of supreme good all the time. Proves how low the Greencloaks are willing to stoop to get allies to defeat the Conquerors, shows how desperate they are. Rollan literally seethes with rage at him during their last encounter in Hunted. Then suddenly he's fine with him in later books because he's on the Greencloaks' side? Rollan joining the Greencloaks eventually makes sense. Rollan immediately forgiving all the Greencloaks' allies for everything ever because of joining the Greencloaks does not. Look, I understand that in fiction, people can be bad people, have the audience understand they are bad people, and still not get what they deserve. I get it. (That's actually what happens with the Lord of Trunswick. He actually gets a semi-happy ending. But it's made explicitly clear in every possible way that he absolutely sucks and did not deserve that ending whatsoever.) But that doesn't change the fact that the whole narrative about MacDonnell shifts in the later books in order to make him out to be some sort of hero. And that harpist never gets justice.

I like that Kirat got character development. Look, I really do. But doing it by telling the kid that he's related to a hero was not the way to go. Please. What was that. Again, it drives home very family-defines-who-you-are vibes which I am not a fan of.

The two legendary bond tokens being lost to sea. Please, what the hell was that. And everyone just accepts it? Why. It couldn't have been difficult to write in a single paragraph, nay, a single sentence in the last chapter expositing that the Greencloaks searched the sea and found them eventually. Please, what is this.

Conor's entire personality changing in The Dragon's Eye. That was not character development. That was character assassination. I honestly would've been down for Conor ending up the way he is in The Dragon's Eye, but it needs to happen over the course of several books, not off-page between the last and second-to-last book.

Rollan and Meilin's jealousy and miscommunication arc in Stormspeaker. Despised it. It was vile, and ruined everything I love about them. Thankfully, we go back to normal Reilin in The Dragon's Eye. So at least we didn't finish their relationship on such a horrendous note.

Shane and Devin/Worthy never interacting on page, as far as I am aware. Correct me if I'm wrong. Then, in The Wildcat's Claw, we're given a bunch of lengthy exposition from Worthy talking about how great a leader Shane was and how he taught Worthy to fight and all those other stories. They always felt so empty to me because Shane and Worthy's bond has next to no canon basis whatsoever.

Connecting to the last point, Shane not appearing in Hunted. Perfect opportunity for him to bond with Devin, manipulate him a little, be a disingenuous lying little shit, appear sympathetic toward Abeke while trying to get her back (and failing), then disappear right when times get tough and leave Devin and Karmo stranded in the dungeon. This would give Worthy mixed feelings about Shane, complex-ifying their relationship. Then, before the Redcloaks-are-former-Conquerors reveal, we could see Shane and Worthy fighting side by side. Abeke and Rollan could note their mask designs, which would help identify then as Shane and Worthy later.

The Tergesh not being able to summon spirit animals. Please, what is that nonsense. I hate it. Also, if they can't summon spirit animals because of their existing connection to rhinos, the logic follows that Conor shouldn't be able to summon Briggan because of his existing connection to his sheepdogs. (Although it is interesting to think about an AU where Stetriol gets its hands on this knowledge and tries to use it to their advantage. They start animal shelter programs and such to try to keep people from summoning spirit animals and contracting the bonding sickness.)

How the heck did Meilin's father get his hands on the Bile? How was he convinced to give it to his only daughter? I adore the Meilin-Bile arc, okay, but its origins are kind of a plot hole.

The Wyrm as a villain. You're telling me after all the complexity and nuance we get in the first arc, the second arc's villain is a stereotypical giant blob of fleshy goo that, get this, literally wants to eat the world? Who came up with this? You could argue that the real villain is Zerif, but even then, he's incredibly flat as an antagonist. You could also argue that this is meant to redeem Kovo and Shane, but that also feels weird, as there are almost certainly better ways to do that.

Shane dying right as he was getting redeemed. I'm going to be so honest, I think Shane had to kick the bucket. I love him, but he had to die. But not before he and Abeke could have a proper conversation and get to a better place and have some bonding moments that are full of trust and friendship! Please, what the heck is this?

The other Great Beast summoners getting little to no fleshing out or understanding. By far, the most interesting one is Anuqi. She hates the Greencloaks, and for a valid reason, too. This is literally so interesting. Please, they could've done so much with her during the second arc. Raisha is a close second. Not a fan of the fact that her backstory is literally just "I was a bored rich girl" which apparently voids her of any human compassion, but whatever.

Shane and Zerif's relationship never reaches a good climax. (Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fi-)

What do you mean Abeke didn't kill Zerif? What do you mean? After vowing to, and failing, not once, but twice, Zerif sacrifices himself? Where's the thematic significance in that?

Conor's Wyrm arc. He's next to useless the entire four books, he doesn't do anything of actual value to the quest, and he's treated like a burden the entire time. Honestly, if you hadn't read the first series, you wouldn't even realize he's a main character aside from the fact that he gets a few chapters. He gets very few moments to truly shine in the series. Instead, it should've been Takoda who was infected. It would also strengthen his relationship to Xanthe, because she'd first insist they leave him behind, then she'd grow attached to him and decide to bring him. It gives Xanthe a character conflict between wanting to leave Takoda behind because she's been taught all her life that the Wyrm is the supreme evil and not wanting to leave Takoda because she likes him. It also does the same with Kovo, who has spent his entire existence fighting the Wyrm, only for him to be bonded to someone who's infected. Conor would have more opportunities to act like a real main character. And Takoda has chapters from his perspective, too, so it's not like we couldn't have had some perspective on what it's like to be infected. But Conor is still a primary main character, and he does nothing except hike with the group and cough for the majority of that arc.

Zerif not being at all fleshed out and just being a mustache-twirling, evil-laughing cartoon villain that just wants power.

The bond tokens. Not the concept itself, but the execution. So many of them were just what they could already do, except stronger, and Meilin's didn't even work? Please, what is this.

[cremefrappe13]

Dark Choco and Sister! OC

Trigger warnings: mention of death, injury, blood, slight neglect, depression, bullying.

Read at your own risk. I had no idea what to title this story, but here goes nothing:

Ever since the fall of the Dark Cacao Kingdom’s Prince, Dark Choco, Honeyflower, the next in line to be heir to the throne, had never felt so much pressure in her life, especially since she herself knew that she was not suited for the role and her brother was meant for it. She often questioned herself on why he would try to murder their father, but as she worked on the tapestry that was her “homework”, Honeyflower began to remember the moment that took place years ago when she realised that he would be the king, while she would be his support…

Honeyflower was the second born of the pair, therefore automatically making Dark Choco the Crown Prince. She felt alone, watching Dark Choco train with their father while she was left alone to her own devices. Being a second born girl was not exactly a good thing in the Dark Cacao Kingdom. Sure, they accepted women to do what they wanted, but most of the villagers believed that men should lead. Stupid, in Honeyflower’s opinion. However, all she wanted was to be noticed as herself, not as “The Princess”, not as “King Dark Cacao’s daughter” or “Dark Choco’s sister”, but just as “Honeyflower”. She wanted to be the crowned heir, as that would mean her father would pay more attention to her, and more people would respect her for who she was. She did not want to be known because of someone else’s deeds, she only wanted to be known for what she herself had done.

Honeyflower started to try her best to take the place of crowned heir, but none of it worked. She tried doing better than him in academics, and that did not do a thing. She tried being better at combat, which also had absolutely no effect. Everything she did simply got her praise and nothing more, not even from her father. She wanted to be happy about all the compliments she was getting, and that was what she was pretending to be. Honeyflower could not take her dissatisfaction and kept trying, over and over again, to prove that she was more worthy of the throne than her brother.

On a particularly bad day, Honeyflower ran away from the Dark Cacao Kingdom in search of the tiniest light of hope. Anger filled her heart, with tears of sorrow and frustration prickling at her eyes as she ran out of the citadel gates and past the guards. A bag slung over her shoulder, with her important tools of survival consisting of a first aid kit, some tools and her bow and arrows. The tears leaked out of her eyes as she had never before, felt so, so angry.

“Have you seen the Princess? She practically has no use in this kingdom…”

“I agree! It’s not like she could be the First Watcher, Caramel Arrow still surpasses her in that regard,”

“Yeah, and Dark Choco is already the perfect heir to this kingdom!”

“I don’t see any reason why King Dark Cacao keeps her around other than the fact that she’s his daughter though…”

That last remark stung. It stung Honeyflower’s heart, and she knew that they were just verbalising what everyone else was thinking. Why else would her father seemingly not pay attention to her and focus on Dark Choco? The thought bothered her, and the rage stewing in her heart began to boil, and she snapped at the servants once she stepped out of hiding. This only made the situation worse, as she bit back the worst of the insults but still hurled those words of anger at them.

“How dare you speak of me that way! I’m sure Father loves me, and I will find my place in this kingdom! I do not care what you think, but let this be a lesson to know your place.” she had said, with the most furious of tones and a look of unbridled anger on her face. The two servants had scurried off, and Honeyflower was left alone to brood in her endless sea of negative thoughts.

How could she not believe those poisonous words the servants had said? It coiled around her heart, constricting it like how a snake would slowly strangle their prey. The feeling of anger welled up in her the more she thought about it, but Honeyflower had already found herself leaving the citadel gates with her bag in hand, hoping to finally be rid of her torment from the place she was born and raised in.

Honeyflower watched the snow fall onto the frozen peaks, the mountains being her natural hunting grounds as she trekked along a cliff that lead down to the Licorice Sea, where she observed the Peppermint Whales swimming through, their fins cutting through the surface of the waves as she sobbed, quietly slumping down and leaning on a tree. It had already been a few hours, and Dark Cacao and Dark Choco would have realised she was missing by now… She sighed, opening the first pack of rations she had eaten and slowly consumed them, savouring their bitter taste and the familiarity of the food. She slowly got up after her small meal and set off towards the mountains again.

Night was beginning to fall, and Honeyflower was exhausted, so she climbed up a tree with the last of her strength and rested atop the branches, falling asleep almost instantly. She had no idea where she was, but at least she was away from that horrible, terrible place…

Days turned into a week, and Honeyflower could not take the loneliness and silence anymore. She was tired of running, tired of being alone, but she could not go back! There was no way they would take her back, and even less of a chance that her father would even care for her absence right? Honeyflower shook off the thoughts on going back and kept moving forward.

Until an injury she had sustained a few days ago caused her to stumble and fall as it reopened, and it was only then Honeyflower realised she was out of medical tape. The blood flowed out of her leg as she stared at the sky, watching the Northern Lights burst out in colours. Honeyflower treasured this sight, knowing full well she was going to die right there.

How long has it been since she fell? She could not tell.

How bad was the injury?

Was anyone going to find her remains?Would her brother miss her?Would her father grieve over her passing? So many questions, and so little answers.

She was tired… so tired. Her eyes slowly closed as she fell asleep…

Honeyflower heard voices. Was she being delusional? Had they found her?

“Your Majesty! We found the Princess!”

“She’s injured, quick, a medical kit!”

Too heavy… her eyelids began to droop, but then a voice rang out loud and clear.

“Stay awake… don’t fall asleep, little sis…”

Dark Choco? She instinctively thought, trying to open her eyes and seeing her brother’s kind red eyes. Honeyflower croaked out, “I’m tired…”

“I know. But we need you awake…”

“Is Father… here?”

Dark Choco shook his head, saying Dark Cacao was with the other search party. Honeyflower clasped his hand tightly in hers, as she whispered, “I’m sorry… for making you worry…” Dark Choco shook his head, saying, “It’s alright… we’ll talk more later… but for now, get some rest and heal up. Father’s worried sick…” Honeyflower nodded and stared up into the sky as she was having her leg wound treated. It felt as if hours had passed by before she finally closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Then, her eyes opened. The sight that greeted her was a flashbang of light, before her eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness of the room, which she recognised as the infirmary of the Dark Cacao Kingdom. A voice slowly roused her out of the sleepy state she was in, and Honeyflower groaned softly as she sat up to face her father, Dark Cacao. Honeyflower was frightened, but her father simply pulled her into a warm and gentle hug, and she could feel the relief seeping out of him. “You’re awake… we thought we lost you out there, dear daughter…”

“Father..!”

Honeyflower sat up, reaching out into the air as Dark Cacao quickly supported her back.

“I’m sorry… I’m so so so sorry for making you all worry like that… I thought-” 

Dark Cacao silenced her in an instant, hugging Honeyflower as his deep and booming voice whispered into his daughter’s ears.

“My child… you are here now, and that is all that matters. We thought we lost you out there…”

From that point, Dark Cacao told her about what happened to the kingdom while she was gone. Everyone was in a full state of panic, trying to find the lost princess, with search parties and everything in their power was used to find Honeyflower. Surprisingly, it was Dark Choco was the one who noticed she was missing, and organised the search by himself, just informing Dark Cacao what he was doing. That’s when it hit Honeyflower, why Dark Choco was destined to be the king. He noticed she was missing when their own father even missed out on her lack of presence. He was willing to organise search parties and inform everyone of her disappearance. Honeyflower knew a ruler would always go the extra mile to find even one of their lost subjects, and that’s what Dark Choco did.

And now he was gone.

[atomic-crusader]

Godzilla Minus One thoughts (SPOILERS)

TLDW: Godzilla Minus One is easily one of the all time best films in the franchise so far. While it isn't my personal favorite, it absolutely deserves the praise fans and critics seem to be giving it. Outside from some personal nitpicks, I'd say this entry is worthy of standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the best.

10/10

THOUGHTS AND SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!! GO SEE IT!!!!!!

Boy does this movies come in swinging! Koichi setting up the main conflict of feeling like he is a coward (he's not, as the movie goes on to point out) and then the whiplash of GODZILLASAURUS

I know its just an unmutated Godzilla but HOLY FUCK the similarities are there and I love the design.

Personal nitpick #1: was hoping the movies would go more in depth with the origin of its Godzilla but the movies isn't really about what Godzilla is but rather what he does and represents to the story. As a result they don't really say what he is other than he is known to Odo Island's folklore. I like that, it gives him a mysterious vibe.

I gasped because I thought he ate a guy be then he yeeted him

Poor Koichi Can't Catch a Break the Movie

Noriko was great. It's clear she isn't used to being looked after and it shows.

Speaking of which, ALL the characters are wonderful. The Reiwa era looks like it is being defined by stronger human characters and stories and I am all here for that!

I'm actually surprised that the trailers (or at least the 2 I watched) didn't show to much Godzilla action. Or at least the final battle.

Godzilla REALLY has it out for folks in this movie. That lack of a clear origin helps actually. His attacks are sudden and brutal. He is REALLY visibly pissed off too.

SPEAKING OF BRUTAL HOLY FUCK!!! For as much damage Godzilla does to everyone, he gets FUCKED UP! Half his face blasted off! It's cool the see his regeneration ability realized in CG

Personal Nitpick #2: I do wish they had made Godzilla a more obviously tragic character. He is just as much a victim of war as he is a symbol of it. Again though, that isn't what this movie is about, and the ending does at least suggest a sequel isn't completely out of the question, so maybe we can still see why Godzilla decided that All Humans Are Bad.

His atomic breath is wild man. Creating mushroom clouds and massive creators is some nightmare fuel shit.

NORIKO NOOOOOOOOO :(

(dont worry she lives)

The plan to kill Godzilla was interesting. Explosive decompression is not really the first thing I would have thought up for a sea monster that brings up deep sea fish but the speed at which it happens is important.

KOICHI NOOOOOO (its okay he ejected)

Personal Nitpick #3:... I don't really like how they defeated Godzilla. I thought it was overkill. Like, yeah I get that Koichi needs to have is moment and all but blowing his head up I thought was a little much. and then he crumbles away? I guess he was frozen? Cool visual though. I imagine it was hell to convince Toho to have Godzilla die that way.

I heard Yamazaki was a big GMK fan, and the last scene really makes it obvious. I wonder if he isn't available for a sequel, Yamazaki would request Kaneko to direct...

Hey Noriko is alive!!!! Hey what's that on her neck? Why does it look like Godzilla's dorsal plate? Oh God Please Let Koichi Be Happy He Has Been Through Too Much.

The overall message of the movie is so goddamn moving, Live. That isn't a request, that's an order, a demand. Live, you should be happy to be alive. You may not think it, but people love you. People can forgive you. You don't deserve to die. Live and fight for the next generation so they don't make our mistakes. It is tough but you and people around you can make it better. You. Will. Live.

[noa-de-cajou]

Eyes

Anya, Sigi, Klaus and Dobromiev belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author

I like

Looking at people’s eyes

When they're not looking into mine

I remember once

I told Bronya about it

She said

(I quote)

“Is that your love language or some shit”

And I wonder

Maybe it is? Maybe it isn't

Either way I like looking at people’s eyes

Especially when it's people I like

Anya’s eyes are blue and bright

Like the sun

I know the sun isn't blue

But they’re blue like the sea when the sun shines right into it

That's what I mean

Since I'm staying at her place for the time being

I have all the time in the world to look

Her eyes are very expressive

You can tell how she feels right away

Even if sometimes they get cloudy

Full of a sadness just as deep as the sea of her irises

A sadness I can't even begin to understand

But I don't need to understand

She isn’t asking me to

Sometimes her eyes meet mine

They catch me staring

And the waves in them recede a little and she laughs and asks me if she has something on her face

Once I replied

A smile?

And it made her giggle

And I lost myself in her face again

Eyes blue

Like the Atlantic

And I'm going down

Like the Titanic

I drew her in my notebook

Pencil and blue watercolor

I didn't show her yet

I don't want her to think I'm creepy

Maybe I'll give it to her for her birthday

I don't know her birthday

Klaus saw the drawing I think because he passed behind me as I was working on it

Maybe I should ask him

Or Dobromiev

Anya’s very curious about the notebook

But I can't say anything about it

Not yet

Maybe when I'm ready

I’m not used to the light

But I'd let the sun burn my skin just so I could look at it

I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high

Fallin' into your ocean eyes

I know I can't live here forever

I know you can't sleep next to me forever

I know I'll have to go back there

But I want you to look at me

Longer

Longer

I'm a moth

You're the flame

I’m a fish on dry land

You're the waves on the shore

I need you

Even if you don't

Need me

Maybe

If I can stand up on my own

Be someone I can be proud of

Maybe

I'll be brave enough to show you

In the meantime

I'll just practice

To be worthy

Of you

Don’t wanna leave you anymore

Oh darling all of the city lights

Never shined as bright as your eyes

Hold me in your gaze

Let me stay by you

Where I feel safe

They say eyes are the mirrors of the soul

Maybe that's why I like looking at them

But some eyes haunt you

Because they’re mirrors

But they mirror you

Not the person they belong to

Sigismund’s eyes

Are exactly like that

His pupils are wide and reflect my face

His soul is in the little space left for his irises

Blue

Deep

Unreachable

Cramped

Looking in your eyes

I’m coming home

I look into your eyes and I see

Someone just like me

But not me

Someone who doesn’t fit into themselves

Someone trying to be someone else

Who are you?

Who are you, really?

Won't you let me know?

I want

To know

I look into your eyes and I'm not afraid

But you don’t let me see you

When I try to draw you

It’s never quite right

The eyes look too shallow

Or too deep

Too painful?

There is pain in those eyes though

Pain echoing mine

If I should ask

Or just imply

That I wanted a bit more light

So I could look inside his eyes

And get

The colors just right

Sometimes there is hate when he looks at me

But I know hate

This is not hate directed towards me

Am I a mirror you can’t bear to look at?

Do you want to break me?

(Maybe I'd let you)

There’s a thread between us

You have the scissors in hand

You just can’t bring yourself to cut it

And I keep pulling on it

To try and bring you closer

Before you get lost

And you'd say you love hate me and look in my eyes

But I know through mine you were looking in yours

I've received your gift

Your letter

Said it made you think of me

I crossed your mind

It makes me so happy

I hope I can gift you something in return

Even if you need more than what I can give you

I hope one day you can rest those eyes

I hope you let me hold

A bit of your pain

(I hope you let me hold you)

Eyes Blue Like The Atlantic – Sista Prod

Ocean Eyes – Billie Eilish

Car’s outside – James Arthur

Evelyn Evelyn – Evelyn Evelyn

Forever… (is a long time) – Halsey

Last Words of A Shooting Star – Mitski

[backjustforberena]

i'm probably the only one that didn't enjoy rhaenys and corlys' s scene fully, idk It was awful when he left her alone even if she needed him and she was almost in tears, rhaenys's deep loneliness hurt me. it was almost the same sensation i felt during the 'driftmark episode'.

I'm never going to say that I "enjoyed" Corlys leaving her because what that man should do is wrap her in a hug, never leave her and just do everything she says.

BUT. I do actually love it. It's heartbreaking. But it's in character. I don't think that Corlys fully believes himself capable of being a support to Rhaenys, nor do I feel like Rhaenys can fully be open to Corlys. This is the closest she's come to it, but there's still a sense from her to protect herself. I think they're both facing mortality and their losses and potential losses... and that's making them pull away from each other but also pretend that things are fine.

Corlys has just returned back from the dead, basically. And his heir has been murdered, a boy they loved dearly. I also think there's a lot of compound grief about his kids and his brother. His usual coping mechanisms are shaky. He can't go to sea, his physical fitness was diminished and he's still ashamed of leaving his wife. He's not feeling masculine or strong or worthy. So deflecting and pretence seem to be the order of the day so as to not make Rhaenys worry, in the hopes that he'll become that man. So he'll avoid the conversations bound to cause them strife and he'll put all his effort into building his boat back up and he'll trust that his wife will remain patient and loyal because he loves her. He knows how strong she is, how she's survived without him and doesn't need him. He'll work and work until he can be of practical use to her and unashamed to engage with her.

So I think there's absolutely the question that can be asked if: how bad is Corlys actually admitting this is? He's wanting to keep her happy. But he thinks the best way to do that is to ignore the issues.

And, crucially, he thinks he's got the time to do that. Or hopes he does, at any rate.

I think as vulnerable as Rhaenys is, Corlys is suffering with his own vulnerability.

Rhaenys, on the flip side, is just asking him to be there. She can handle it, and I think that's what he's taking for granted, she can absolutely carry herself and it and everything. She doesn't need him. But she wants him. She wants him to support her on the council, she wants him to make a choice about his heir (I genuinely don't think she minds who, just pick), she wants him to have this tough conversation and be honest about the fact that this is war and she might lose him and he's not invincible. And that that scares her. He scared her. It's not so long that she was left without him and didn't know what to do in a way that might make him happy.

But Rhaenys is never going to press it. I think she's aware of his fragility. She sees him trying to deal with his feelings as a rush to get back to war, rather than a rush to be strong and useful again. She's nurturing him (made sure he had lunch, broth included), she's trying to see if he can be relied upon. She wants to rely on him.

But she can't because she's fixed on the idea of strength. They speak of politics but not feelings, not really. The only thing that betrays her is her voice, not her words.

She still takes comfort in him. I stand by that. But I think both are seeking comfort in each other but away from each other? If that makes sense? It's like right place, wrong time. There's a disconnect there, not out of any conscious effort. In fact I think they think they are helping the other! But in protecting yourself, you close yourself off from your partner.

Corlys can think he has time because he's not going to sea any time soon. But Rhaenys is on the frontline. Politically and personally, she is seeing that war coming like a dark cloud. And she knows how fleeting things are.

I hope that made a lick of sense. I enjoyed the scene immensely because I enjoy the characters. Tragedy included. The tragedy is now built-in.