#but I do spend time on there solely for looking for casting calls and videos/pictures of ships

[mycological-mariner]

It does genuinely make me happy that the Barque Europa has been righted <3 I love her

[captain-jensen]

Big Fan pt.2

Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: A couple of weeks after your initial interview turned date turned kiss, your interviews with the cast come out and people can’t get enough of yours and Toms’ chemistry. Also, for this fic Y/Y/N is Your Youtube Name. 

Warnings: Slight angst, fluff.

(I just thought this GIF was adorable)

   Your life has felt like a whirlwind for the past couple of weeks. Even though Tom was away doing the rest of his press-tour, you guys kept with each-other all day. He was always sending you funny texts about his recent junket, or sending you cute selfies whenever he could and you always returned the sentiment. Since that first night you had found it very hard to concentrate. Even though you were in the middle of filming a new review for another movie you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to the first kiss you two shared... and the following make-out sessions that happened over the course of that weekend. When Tom had to leave town you were devastated, but you knew it was necessary, just like it was necessary for you to finish your own work. While reviewing some footage for your newest video you got a text from your manager that was handling the publication of the interviews you did with the Spider-Man cast saying that the video was going live tomorrow. You were really excited for these junkets to come out. All of them went so well and you were really proud of yourself. Elated about the news you decide to share it with Tom. I can’t wait to watch xx, he responded. 

   When you wake up the next morning you shoot out of bed remembering what was happening today. You immediately check Youtube to see that your junket was trending. After watching the video you were even more happy with yourself, feeling like you might be able to properly pursue this press career. Completely forgetting to even check the comments, you move on with your day. As your coffee is brewing you check your phone to see a bunch of texts from a mix of your manager, your best-friend, and Tom. Responding to Tom’s sweet ‘good morning’ texts first you move down the line. Getting to your manager next it’s a flurry of exclamation points and praises. Finally, getting to your best-friend the first text you see is Why didn’t you tell me???!!!!!. Responding with confusion, you ask them what they’re talking about. All they do is tell you to read the comments on the junket. 

Omg, Tom was flirting with the interviewer so bad!!!!!

New ship: Tom Holland and Y/Y/N 

Y/Y/N’s new video is definitely gonna be the boyfriend tag!!!!!

I cannot handle the chemistry between Tom and Y/Y/N

That was singlehandedly the cutest interview I’ve ever seen. 

    You stand in shock in the middle of your kitchen. Even though no-one was around you could feel your face heating up. Not only did people think you and Tom were flirting back and forth, but they actually shipped you guys! You had to talk to Tom about your possible next move. You text him asking if he’s available to talk. You didn’t know it but that text caused fear to spike in Tom’s heart. He immediately responded saying he has the next half an hour free. Awaiting your call Tom tries to stop his speeding heart and convince himself that you’re not trying to end things already. He’s taken out of his mind when his phone starts ringing and your picture comes up on the screen. He rapidly answers it “Hey darling, how are things?” he tries to sound calm. 

“I’m good, did you see our interview together today?”

“No not yet, I’ll pull it up right now” Opening Youtube he sees the video is trending. “No way! It’s on the front page! Congratulations sweetheart, that’s awesome!” 

“Well I can’t exactly take all the credit for that Tom. I mean, your face is the thumbnail. But besides that, you have to see the comments” 

   Scrolling through the comments Tom feels a blush creeping up his own face. “Wow, that is quite the response” is all he can say. He’s worried that you’ll be annoyed with the fact that instead of people focusing on your interview skills they’re solely concentrating on the fact that he was smitten with you. 

“Yeah. What do you make of it?” you decide to ask, not being able to gauge his facial reaction. 

“I mean. I was caught red-handed I guess. What about you?” he asks equally as nervous as you are.

“I’m not sure yet. I think it’s sweet but at the same time something about it feels weird” You respond. In truth you were ecstatic that people thought you’d make such a cute couple. At the same time however, you didn’t want it to possibly scare Tom off. He deals with this stuff all the time, and it probably got annoying after a while. 

“Look, I’m not bothered by it if you aren’t” Tom says, breaking your thoughtful silence. 

“I’m not really bothered by it either.” You reassure him. 

“Ok, good. Maybe we shouldn’t respond though, until we’re both equally comfortable” 

“I agree” Even though you were happy with the interaction you were having with Tom, you couldn’t deny that neither of you had any idea what was going on between you two. “Well I’ve gotta go. I just wanted to call and talk about that with you. Also, I miss you.” You blurt out the last part. 

“I miss you too Y/N. Thanks for calling, I’ll talk to you later” With that you both say bye and hang up the phone. With your head reeling, you see another text from your friend asking you to explain what was happening. You tell them to meet you for lunch that day and you’ll explain everything. 

    At lunch that day you had to explain why you didn’t tell them about everything when it first happened. Explaining that you didn’t even know what it was yet and that you both wanted to keep it as low-key as possible. “Oh yeah, and you guys flirting almost shamelessly in your professional and serious interview is low-key” is all they say to you. You told them honestly though that at the time it didn’t feel like you were flirting. It just felt like a really good conversation. They just rolled their eyes at you, being able to clearly see what was going to happen. 

    A couple days later you upload your newest video. After checking the stats on the video you find yourself in the comments once again. 

When is Tom gonna be on your channel?!

Do the boyfriend tag with Tom!!!!!

   You notice that almost every comment runs along the same lines. All talking about Tom, asking about you guys, saying how much they ship you. Even though the intention was sweet you grew increasingly frustrated when you realised that no-one was talking about the actual video or what you had to say. As though he could read your mind you see that Tom is calling you. As soon as you pick up the call he’s singing you praises in your ear for your newest video. “That was such a good breakdown Y/N. It honestly made me see the movie in a whole new way”

“Thank you. I’m glad someone noticed” It slips out before you even have time to think.

“Are you ok? That didn’t sound too good”

“Yeah I’m sorry, I’m fine. I just read through all the comments and it seems like all anyone cares about is the fact that they want me to date Tom Holland”

“Yeah but just think about all the people who watched and loved it and just didn’t comment. I promise it’s not all everyone cares about” he says reassuringly.

“You’re probably right. There is a large gap between views and comments” 

“See! Exactly!” A small silence breaks the conversation before Tom perks up. “Guess what” he says through a smirk you can practically hear. 

“I don’t know, what?”

“I’m gonna be back in town next week!” He says excitedly. 

“That’s good to hear. I get to see you again right?” You ask only half joking. The other half was scared to hear him say he wouldn’t be able to see you. 

“I’ve actually got the whole week off, so we’re gonna spend as much time as we can together” he proposes.

“Well I look forward to it” You both say goodnight and hang up. 

    For the past week you’ve been increasingly more nervous to see Tom again. Even though you guys talk constantly, the thought of seeing him in person again had you feeling like the first time you met. While you were on your way to the coffee shop where you were meeting up with Tom, you went over how you wanted to bring up the conversation about what you guys were. You didn’t want to scare him by asking so quickly, but you had to know. You had to figure out if you should confirm or deny the rumours so that people would actually pay attention to your content again instead of your dating life. 

    “Hey gorgeous” You’re greeted by a smiling Thomas who pulls you into a gentle but affectionate hug. Clearly you were both feeling a bit awkward seeing each-other in person for the first time in a while. The first time, you guys had all the momentum of your first meeting, but now things have slowed down a bit between you and you’re trying to find your footing again. Even just 5 minutes into the date though it was like you were never apart. Conversation flowed openly and happily. Tom couldn’t get enough of the way your face scrunched up when you laughed at something he said. You couldn’t get enough of his laugh in general, it was contagious. After a bit, you decide that it’s time to bite the bullet and bring up the elephant in the room, which just so happened to seem like the biggest, scariest elephant in existence. “Can we talk about something?” you finally ask.

“What’s on your mind?” 

“Something that I think is on both of our minds” 

“Y/N, before you go any further, I just want to say that these past few weeks have been amazing. Even though we haven’t been able to spend time the way we’ve wanted, it’s made me realise that even just knowing that I get to talk to you on a daily basis makes me happy” Your heart skips a beat as he pours his out to you. 

“Tom I’ve really enjoyed our time together as well. That’s what makes me curious as to what exactly it means for both of us. Especially in regards to all of the rumours online. I want to know what you want me to say to them. I just want to put it all to rest so that people focus on my content again” you admit without stopping for breath.

“What do you want to say to them?” he asks suspiciously. 

“I mean, I don’t know” You start to feel sheepish. Not wanting to say it out loud in fear of rejection.

“Tell them it’s true” Tom spills out.

“What?” You ask, shooting your eyes up to meet his from the cup of coffee that was up to this point, very interesting. 

“Unless you don’t want it to be true!” Tom tries to backtrack to make you feel comfortable.

“No, I’d like to tell them it’s true. Only if you’re sure though” You say hopefully.

“I am very sure Y/N. I’ve even been thinking that the boyfriend tag sounds like fun” He says with sly smile spreading across his joyful face. 

“I don’t know Tom, I don’t really do those sorts of videos” You respond menacingly.

“Yeah but maybe you can make an exception” He says lowly, leaning in for sweet and tender kiss. In that moment you forget completely about what you were just talking about. It almost worried you how intoxicating his lips were. 

    You guys spend the rest of the week planning and executing the boyfriend tag video. Then all the comments turn from I ship it so hard to THEY’RE SO CUTE TOGETHER and IT’S REAL. And real it was. 

[bnhascribbles]

Acrophobia

Hawks x Reader

Friendship, Secrets, Arguing; This was supposed to be something completely different, but stuff happens the way it does I guess. This was a hard one to trudge through and there MIGHT be a part 2 eventually if I can get through this slump I’m in. As always, thanks for reading!

Words: 3k

Warnings: swearing

Your bubble tea sweats in your palms, condensation gathering along the thin plastic and mirroring the layer of moisture clinging to your forehead.  Despite the heat (or maybe because of it), the air feels icy as it whisps across your cheeks. The sensation makes it impossible to forget exactly where you are, where you’ve been coerced to spend your lunch break.  You duck low, taking another gulp of your drink as you lean your back against the concrete barrier lining the rooftop.

It doesn’t help. Your tea—every dentist’s nightmare, infused with all sorts of artificial sweeteners—is bitter on your tongue.  The world seems fuzzy too, like you’re looking at a video taken by the world’s crappiest flip phone.  Underwater. With a cracked lens.  Through it all, you tingle from head to toe.  You’re half convinced you’ve got ant colonies ready to crawl out from beneath your nails.

So much for exposure therapy.  Whatever psychologist came up with that brilliant idea—overcoming your fear by throwing yourself into it—was probably some sort of sadist. Sure, it was a bit more complicated than just forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation. You’d worked yourself up to this point. After what felt like thousands of appointments with your therapist, you could finally look at pictures of cliffs and feel nothing. You could close your eyes and imagine peering over the edge, seeing the drop. That was an easy thing to do when you were sitting in an office on the ground floor. This wasn’t easy.

You wish you could be more like Hawks. He had a “thing” for high places. It wasn’t entirely unexpected considering his quirk. He’d probably been flying for as long as he’d been walking, and what person takes the time to think about the pavement between steps?  To really consider the possibility that they could trip, crack their face on the cement and...whatever.  Never once in your many years knowing him had you ever seen him show an ounce of hesitation in his work.  Cartwheels performed midair, nosedives from thousands of feet up—it was like the man had no fear whatsoever. Not even the healthy kind. Maybe he believed he just couldn’t fall, not even if he tried.  

The tingling starts up again. God, what you would do to have some of that blissful arrogance of his. Distraction. You need a distraction. As if on cue, one presents itself in the form of Hawks’s ridiculous ringtone blaring out of his pocket.

“Shouldn’t you get that?” You ask, only pull your lips away from your straw for long enough to finish the question. 

If Hawks hears you, he does a god-awful job of showing it.  Rather than reaching into his jacket, doing anything he can to silence the sound of the Angry Bird theme—already nearing the end of its third repeat—he simply swings a leg over the same barrier you’d take cover behind. He seems completely unperturbed by the noise and the 40-story drop beneath the soles of his feet.  Even imagining the look of it is enough to make it feel like rooftop is rocking beneath you, less-than-solid. 

“It’s probably just the agency.” Hawks says, like that’s a perfectly normal reason to ignore a call in the middle of the day.

“All the more reason to answer it.  It’s your agency!”  When he doesn’t so much as turn back to look at you, you press on.  “What if it’s an actual emergency, huh?  What if some daycare somewhere is burning down and they desperately need society’s darling to go and do damage control?  Really gonna risk letting the whole of society crumble because you need a longer coffee break?”

Hawks twists so that he’s facing the rooftop, his coffee can pressed to his lips.  The phone rings and rings and rings, and he just stares down at you, unconcerned, with one eyebrow quirked upwards. Only when his phone finally goes silent does he let his smirk peek over the edge of his drink.

“Whoops.  Looks like I missed it.”

You shoot him a look.  He has the gall to grin.

“Don’t look so disappointed, now.  They’ll call back if it’s important.”

You roll your eyes and lean your head back against the wall.  “If you’re the best and brightest the heroes have to offer, then I’m honestly terrified of what’ll happen the day a competent villain decides to strike.  How a lazy bum like you ever got to be number two is still a mystery to me.”

“Hell, me too.”

You scoff.  “Liar.”

“Wow, there’s really no pleasing you, is there?”  Hawks laughs.  As usual, your chiding has absolutely no effect on that carefree air of his.  In fact, you have to think that it’s encouraging him, making him work extra hard just to see if he can’t get some sort of reaction.

“Not—“

You’re cut off by Angry Bird as Hawks’s phone rings to life a second time. You shoot the man a look that you’re sure embodies every ounce of the I-told-you-so energy you feel yourself exuding. Hawks sighs like it’s all such a hassle—this picking up the phone business—before he finally reaches into his pocket and peers at the screen. 

Something is different this time.  It’s almost imperceptible, but you see it nonetheless—the way Hawk’s eyes go wide for a fraction of a second. It’s over quick though, and he’s back to sighing as he balances his coffee can on the ledge beside him and tugs at the finger of his glove. 

“Guess I was right, huh?” You all-but sing. It wasn’t everyday you got the opportunity to hold something over him, and it wouldn’t be right to let this one pass. 

Hawks doesn’t take the bait. Instead of biting back with something witty (as he was always so fond of doing), he settles for muttering a heart hearted “oops” as he sideswipes his drink off of its perch. It plummets into your lap, and although the can is already empty, that fact doesn’t stop the surprised yelp you let out. 

“Hawks, you damn chicken—“

“Heeeeey, how’s it going?” Hawks says, speaking loudly, his voice so bright you can practically hear the grin stretching across his face. You give his leg a shove, and it swings back around to smack you in the shoulder with more force than you’re willing to attribute to momentum. “Nothing much over here. Same old same old. But keep talking—it’s been a while, and you know I miss hearing that voice of yours.”

Consider your curiosity piqued. You mouth “who” as you tap at his knee. Hawks casts you a glance, then places a finger to his lips in a silencing gesture that makes you grind your teeth together. 

“Hey now, what’s with the attitude? I did everything I could to be there, but you know how hero stuff is—” Hawks stops abruptly, and you manage to prop yourself up on your knees just in time to listen in on some incoherent chattering on the other end of the line. That’s about all you manage to catch. You can’t seem to pick up on anything from this mystery (?) caller, not when Hawks is interjecting with mmmhm’s and yeahs every second or two. You lean in to get a better listen.

Before you hear anything, Hawks stands, planting the soles of his feet on the narrow ledge and rising to his full height. It’s a sudden movement, and instinctively you make to follow him.

A stupid thing to do given the acrophobia.

The moment you rise—the very instant you catch sight of the open air just beyond the concrete barrier and remember what lies below—you drop back down to your knees. You inhale shakily and fight the urge to curl up into a tiny ball.

It’s absolutely ridiculous, you know. You’re not going to fall—you physically can’t. You’re on solid ground. Well, mostly solid.  There are offices below you, empty space for the roof to fill when it crumbled like a stale piece of bread. Then the ones even further down could do the same, then—

No. No. That’s a dumb thought. God, why were you always like this? Why was one, insignificant thing enough to just...set you off? Nothing had changed since you’d first braved the way up here. It was the same solid roof beneath your feet (that could still crumble). The same sturdy barrier against your back (that could still give way). You were with the same reckless companion, the one that always walked the thin line (or ledge) between safety and certain death. 

You begin to hyperventilate. Knowing who Hawks is talking to seems far less important now.

“No...no.  Listen, I—mmhm.” Hawks paces, still focused on his conversation. Then he turns to face the roof and sees you, your unfocused eyes, your trembling shoulders. He stands there for a minute, mouth opening, then closing. Like he wants to say something, but the words are just...stuck. 

Hawks’s wings make a smooth, whooshing sound, extending slightly as he hops back down to the roof. He squats down beside you, reaches out, but hesitates when he sees the way you flinch. Concern mars his features, and you take his hand in yours, scrambling to piece together some semblance of a reassuring response. He didn’t need to be worrying about you.  This was nothing and you’d be fine.

The voice at the other end of the phone speaks up before you do. You can’t make out a single word of it, but the way Hawks’s eyebrows furrow says enough. It isn’t a pleasant thing being said. You give his fingers a squeeze and he inhales sharply.

“It’s nothing, don’t—okay, I get it. I just said I get it. No use lecturing me now, I’ll be better. Prove myself to you.” Hawks glances up at the skyline, then to the door leading to the stairwell. His eyes eventually meet yours.

You’re good. You mouth the words and give his fingers a squeeze. Hawks stares for a moment longer, hesitant, then sighs.

“In fact, I’m on my way over right this second...yes, right now. Just so you know, I’m bailing on something important for you; does that make you happy?” There’s a pause. Hawks laughs, and you know the man well enough to know how fake the gesture is. Higher pitched than usual, less of a cackle, more of a grunt. It doesn’t sound right coming from him. “I knew it would. See ya’ in a few.”

He hangs up. Hawks doesn’t even have to speak before you’re cutting him off.

“Don’t say anything.”

Hawks frowns. “I wasn’t going to.”

“Yes you were. You were gonna ask if I’m okay, which I already told you I am. We don’t need to talk about it any more.”

“Is this a height thing again?” When you shoot a severe look his way, he pulls his hand away from yours and scratches at the back of his neck, exhaling. “We don’t need to talk about it any more.” Hawks echoes.

“Good.”

Barely a second passes. “...but you do know that you’re not gonna fall, right?”

“Hawks,” you groan.

“Statistically speaking, it just won’t happen. But even on the one in a million chance that it did—”

“—this really feels like ‘talking about it...’ ”

“—you really think I’d let you hit the ground?” Hawks continues, unfazed. He says it like it’s so simple. ‘Can’t fall if I’m here to catch you.’ Problem solved. 

“Mmmm, okay you’ve made your point. That’s a very good argument you have there, ” you offer, leaning forward on your knees and making a face like you’re deliberating on every word, “but see, the whole thing about irrational fears is...well, they’re kind of irrational.”

Hawks lets out a quick “hah” sound and shakes his head. He makes like he’s going to stand up, but you grab his arm and yank him back down. “Oh no, I’m not done with you yet. Tell me about this person you’re bailing on me for.”

“Like eavesdropping, do ya’?” Hawks jokes with an easy tone of voice.

“You weren’t exactly whispering. Besides, you didn’t sound too happy talking on the phone.”

“Because it was somebody telling me to stop enjoying myself and get back to work. Not something that’s really fun to hear.”

“Interesting.” You ponder out loud, intentionally. “What kind of work is ‘hero stuff’ keeping you from doing?”

“The same ‘stuff’ that’s gonna be pissed if I don’t get my ass in gear and go already.”

“Come on, Hawks.”

“Maybe next time.” Hawks sighs as he rises. What he really means is ‘no.’ He never says it outright though. He’d rather dance around questions of “when” or just lie outright and let you forget in the meantime. That way, the pair of you never have to have that conversation on how friendships are kind of supposed to be two-way things.

Sometimes, calling Hawks a friend feels wrong. He has habits and quirks you’ve come to recognize after knowing him as long as you have, true. But he’s still a mystery as far as his personal life goes. You know he never went to U.A. or some other hero school, but you don’t know why he started his agency in the first place. You know he likes coffee and snacks loaded with sugar, but you don’t know if he has any family to pester him about his lousy eating habits. You know he’s brave and proud and his smile can light up an entire room, but you don’t even know his real name. Really, the only thing that separates you from the hundreds of thousands of people that worship him from a distance is the amount he knows about you. 

Every time the pair of you meet, he sees fit to interrogate you about all the happenings in your life. Had you finally been assigned to that one project you’d been gushing about? Was your landlord still being an asshole about the plants you keep on your balcony? Were you ever going to check out that new club  on the other side of town? A little birdy told him it was good, and he thought it was your sort of thing... But everything always changes when you try to flip the conversation and talk about him. Hawks flutters around your questions like they’re nothing, uses jokes to derail the discussion or finds some excuse to leave. Information only floats in one direction with him.

If all you wanted someone to listen to you talk about your life, you’d see your therapist.

“Not the agency then.” You say, pushing yourself up to your feet. You’re going to fight to get anything you can out of the conversation. “So is it a girl?” 

Hawks begins to pull his gloves back on. “That’d make for a hell of a headline.” 

“Is it a guy?”

“Why? You jealous?” Hawks counters with that lopsided grin of his. He’s doing what he does best: he’s driving things in the direction he wants them to go. “You sure are asking a lot of questions today.”

“And you’re not answering any of them!” 

“I’m not?”

“No, you’re definitely not.” You say, and you mean for it to come out playful, but the edges of your frustration peek through the cracks.

Hawks’s hesitates. The corner of his smile twitches. “And you’re mad about it.” It isn’t a question. Your silence is an answer nonetheless. “Because I won’t tell you about a phone call?”

“It’s not just about the phone call, Hawks.” Hawks doesn’t respond after that. He knows. He’s far from the idiot he pretends to be. ‘Too fast for his own good,’ and his wit is no exception. 

“It’s fine.” You lie. “You’ve said it before: it’s a hero thing. There are going to be secrets I can’t know and I’ll just have to get over it. But it’s everything with you, Hawks. Everything is a secret. Heroes have to take off their costumes and turn into people at some point—even the fucking number one Endeavor becomes Enji Todoroki—but not you. You’re always just Hawks. Keeping everyone at an arm's length and pretending you aren't, me included.”

There’s silence, a tense moment where neither of you speaks. They don’t come often, and maybe that’s why it feels as strange as it does. There’s this...empty feeling deep in your stomach as Hawks stands there pulling his headphones over his ears.

“Hawks is my name.” Hawks finally says with a little bit of a lilt to it. Another joke, the only thing he knows how to do. And you laugh. Not because it’s actually funny, but because of course you should’ve seen this coming. The conversation is over—Hawks has made that clear in his own way. 

He’s still the untouchable number two, and you’re still out of your element. Why would he ever need someone like you looking out for him, caring about him?

“Not your real one.” You spit when Hawks turns his back to you. “But like everything else about you, that’s just a guess.”

Hawks peers over his shoulder at you. You don’t know why; he doesn’t get the chance to say or do anything before his phone rings for the third time that afternoon.

He mumbles a quick “shit” under his breath and he’s taking off, vaulting over the edge of the rooftop, becoming just another part of the cityscape. You usually try not to watch him take off; Hawks is comfortable in the skies, and that means he flies like a madman, narrowly avoiding collisions with billboards and edges of buildings by what looks like centimeters. This time though, you watch. You can’t seem to tear your eyes away from him as he goes nearly vertical, soaring upward into a cloud bed only to reemerge from a completely different part as an obscure splotch of red on the horizon. You swallow down the sour taste on your tongue when he dives downward and gets lost in the glare of the sunshine. 

Standing there, obsessing like you always seem to, an image floods your vision. It’s as clear as the sight of your own hand creating craters in the remains of your cup. You see the crowd beginning to form. The blue and red flashes ricocheting off shop windows. The looks the officers shoot your way, the way they tug down the brim of their caps as you shove past and see the wash of crimson staining the street, the handful of feathers floating so easily on the air. You figure that even in the deepest parts of your imagination, he really doesn’t think he can fall. Doesn’t think he needs to give anyone the opportunity to catch him.

[thiswasinevitableid]

for the meet ugly prompts: sternclay, 78, sfw pls!!!

78: I run a YouTube channel where I talk about different things and one video is on the topic of an immortal creature / piece of history and you track me down to tell me how inaccurate it all is.

Stern finishes his notes, shuts his laptop and pushes in the chair at the little desk. Rain patters on the cabin roof, making for a singularly cozy scene with the fire in the woodstove and the tea steeping on the counter. 

He can’t believe his luck in finding this place; he’d assumed his trip to the Olympic Peninsula would involve solely sleeping in tents in the rain. Which he’s prepared for, but it’s nice to have the spot of his longest stay be indoors. 

The vlog’s been getting a ton of attention on the trip, which is good news for him; turns out doing the legwork to tell something other than the same four Bigfoot anecdotes is popular with large chunks of the internet. 

He does a crossword as he finishes his tea, changes into his sleepwear and climbs into the queen bed; the owners must assume it’s couples who rent this space.

Yeah, right, like Stern is going to have a boyfriend any time soon. 

Turning off the lamp leaves him with just the light from the smoke detector and the nearby clock radio for company. Lord, he didn’t mean to stay up until 1 am working. Again. 

Snuggling down under the covers, he coaxes his mind in the direction of picturing a hot tub and someone rubbing his shoulders. It immediately veers back to two of the stories he collected last week, both about more...alarming Bigfoot encounters. One in which Bigfoot broke into a trailer, leaving the owner cowering in the bathroom while he trashed the place. The other about Bigfoot stalking hiker in the woods, staying just out of sight but growling constantly. 

Then there are the disappearances, but there’s not actually any solid evidence tying them to the cryptid. It’s as he’s reminding himself of this that he rolls over, eyes opening long enough to glimpse something moving outside the rain-streaked window.

He shuts them in a hurry, takes deep breaths to calm down. He’s seen deer all over the place today, that’s probably what that was. 

Knock knock

There is no way on gods green earth that he’s opening that door. 

Knock knock.

The odds of that being someone, or something, that wants to hurt him are much higher than those of it being someone in need of his help. 

Knock knock. 

He holds his breath, listens for footsteps. Instead, the doorknob clicks side to side, jiggles when whatever's out there finds it locked. Thank fuck for the deadbolt.

Crack

Both bolts splinter the wooden frame, and a figure that has to duck to enter the cabin steps through it. It has fur, it’s eyes reflect the light he shines from his phone onto them, and it has very, very big feet. 

“Fuck.” He whispers, pressing against the backboard. 

“You’re Joseph Stern, right.” A deep voice rumbles. 

He nods, finding the fact that Bigfoot is talking to him calming rather than perplexing.

“Thank fuck, ‘cause this was gonna be really awkward otherwise.” He shuts the door, slides the nearby bookshelf across it as if it weighed nothing. 

“Close the blinds.”

Stern reaches up and pulls the cord, sending them down. Fumbles in the dark, eyes on the shadowy figure as he tries to find the lamp switch. He hits it just as the cryptid reaches the foot of his bed. Bigfoot blinks, squinting, then crosses his arms. 

“Okay buddy, we need to talk.”

“About….?” 

Bigfoot gives him a look of barely-concealed exasperation, “about the videos you’ve been making. You got a bunch of stuff wrong.”

“I did my research.” Stern adjusts his blankets with a huff, is forced to do so again when Bigfoot sits down on the bed.

“Yeah, from sources that are full of shit.”

“That’s--” he raises his hand to object, then stops, “that’s actually fair. I, um, I have to hit a certain video length for each episode, so sometimes I include anecdotes that have little to no corroboration.”

“Like the trailer story?”

“Damn it, I should have trusted my gut on that one. It was the vocalization description, it sounded wrong.”

“Yep. Kinda surprised you missed that, you’re usually pretty sharp.”

“I can’t tell if that’s a compliment.”

“It is; I watch your videos, you’ve got a pretty good B.S detector.”

“How-”

“I don’t actually live in the middle of the woods. I have a house, with wi-fi, and I like to keep tabs on people who are investigating me in earnest. I’ve been following your channel awhile. I like it. But you keep getting things wrong and it bugs me, so grab something to take notes on.”

Stern flops and rolls to the edge of the bed not occupied by Bigfoot, pulling his field notebook and a pen from his backpack. As he rolls back, he catches Bigfoot staring at him, then looking away sheepishly. 

“Okay, I’m ready.”

“You’re, uh, you’re taking this fairly well.”

“Why shouldn’t I be? I get to interview fucking Bigfoot. This is a dream come true! Plus, I no longer thing you’re going to kill me. Wait, are you?”

Bigfoot shakes his head, “Nope. And that’s correction one; there have been zero cases where I or my kind have killed anyone. We, uh, tend to come down pretty hard on any of our kind who try to go after humans.”

“And by your kind, you mean other Bigfoots, or cryptids in general?”

“Both.”

“Got it. Wait” he looks up, frowning, “how am I supposed to cite you in these corrections without exposing you?”

A shrug, “just call me a ‘bigfoot expert.’ And, uh, you, specifically, can call me Barclay. Now, mistake two: look at my arm.” He holds his right arm out and Stern obediently stares at it.

“What color is that?”

“Reddish brown?”

“Right. Not black, not white, not grey. Touch it.” 

Carefully, Stern runs his fingertips up Barclay’s forearm.

“It’s so soft.”

“Damn right. None of this ‘coarse chunks of hair’ bullshit. When this comes off it stays soft. And I’m the only one of my kind who’s been on the west coast in a decade, so any hair that isn’t this color can’t be tied to a Bigfoot sighting. You can stop petting me, y’know.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Right, problem three--uh, fuck, hang on, I forgot what I wrote.” He lifts his other arm and Stern sees something he missed in his earlier terror blindness; a pouch hanging from his wrist, from which Barclay produces a tiny notebook. 

“Okay, so, the noises thing, you’ve got about half of them right…”

Stern spends an hour and a half diligently taking notes. When Barclay finally flips the book closed, the cryptid yawns, showing sharp teeth.

“There, that’s all of it. Now I gotta head out, I got places to be in the morning.”

“Wait, what about my questions? I, um, I have a whole list of them for if I ever meet a cryptid in person.”

“How could you possibly have more questions after that.”

“You underestimate just how much time I devote to my work.” He finds the page, turning his notebook around. 

“I...holy shit, did you organize these by cryptid?”

“Yes, since every cryptid is different, you each get your own question list.”

“Look, Joseph, I’m happy to answer them, but I wasn’t kidding about needing to be somewhere in the morning.”

“Oh, um, of course. Honestly I just thought you wanted to get away from me; I know I can be a bit of an overly curious nerd sometimes.”

“I like it. But-”

Thunder booms right above them and Barclay yips like a wounded fox, flinches when lightning follows on it’s heels. 

“Fuck, I was hoping it’d just rain and nothing else.” He growls when lighting flashes again. 

“I have to admit this is not a fear I expected you to have.”

“Lightning starts fires, and I got caught in more than one in my early days, and thunder, well, it sounds a little too much like gunshots for my taste. Had plenty of those directed at me too.”

“Oh, Barclay, I’m so sorry. Um” he casts around for something comforting, “if, if you’d rather not go out just yet, you can stay here. I promise I won’t ask more questions and just let you sleep. And, um, since it might take too long to get the fire going again,” he holds up the blankets, “you can sleep here. If you want.”

It’s a ridiculous suggestion, and he sees disbelief on Barclay’s face. Then it dissipates as Barclay looks him up and down, scooting to join him under the covers, mattress protesting every movement. When he lays down he’s so heavy the bed dips, sending Stern rolling without warning and landing against his side with an “oof.”

“Sorry.” They say at the same time

“It’s alright, big guy, you’re actually very comfy.”

“What did you call me?” Barclay chuckles, pulling the blankets up around them.

“Guess I’m tired too, getting a little loopy.”

“And cuddly” Barclay smiles, sending a pointed glance at Stern’s arm (now draped across the cryptid’s stomach) and cheek (now resting on his chest).

“Shit, sorry, I can-”

“S’okay” Barclays arm loops over his shoulders, “never held a human like this. It’s nice.” 

Another boom of thunder and he winces. Not knowing what else to do, Stern pets his belly soothingly. After a moment, his arm is vibrating.

“You’re purring.”

“Notrrrrr arrrrrrr wordrrrrrr” Barclay snuffles the top of his head but doesn’t stop him, and so he keeps rubbing his belly until he feels some of the tension drain from Barclay’s body.

“What do you like to do? For fun, I mean.”

“Like cooking” Barclay murmurs, “getting a human disguise was nice, ‘cause I didn’t have to worry about getting fur in the food.”

“Human?”

“Long story, but the upshot is any cryptid who’s been here awhile gets there hands on a charm that makes them human when they wear it.”

“Huh. Um, what do you like to cook best?”

“Hmmmmm. Well, pie is satisfying, but I also like making ramen, because there’s such an art to it....”

Stern snuggles closer, sighs as Barclay absentmindedly pets his back, and drops off some time later to the sound of that lovely, deep voice telling him all about dim sum. 

He wakes up to an empty bed, which isn’t a surprise. His missing notebook, however, is a surprise indeed and an unwelcome one. After turning the place upside down, he admits defeat; Barclay must have changed his mind and decided to remove what evidence he could of their conversation. 

Stern grumbles all the way into town, decides hot breakfast might soothe his disappointment. He opts for The Lodge, just as he has the last two days, and Dani, the waitress, smiles at him when he sits down. She brings him coffee and a laminated menu, returns a few minutes later.

“The cook wants me to let you now we have a new special this morning; sourdough pancakes with strawberry-rhubarb compote.”

“I’ll have that.” He smiles, handing her back the menu. Funny, he was just talking with Barclay last night about how strawberry-rhubarb is one of his favorite flavors. 

The pancakes are delicious, and it’s only his manners that keep him from literally licking his plate clean. When Dani brings back his receipt, he’s mid-sip of coffee, and so doesn’t see what else she’s brought him until he sets it down.

Beneath the little black, plastic clipboard is his notebook. 

He picks it up, spots a cupcake shaped sticky-note sticking out that he didn’t put there. Flips to the page and finds his “questions for Bigfoot” now have answers in tidy, if a bit spidery, handwriting. At the very bottom of the page is phone number and the words, “I’ll answer your questions any time.” 

Next to the words is a heart that has clearly been erased and redrawn several times.

He laughs, pulls out his phone, and quickly enters the number.

---------------------------

Back in the kitchen, Dani flashes Barclay a thumbs up when she comes back to pick up an order. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he steals a quick look at it, smiling when he sees the message. 

Joseph: You’re full of surprises, big guy. Dinner tonight?

Barclay: I’d love that. See you then.

[sleepykittypaws]

Best and Worst of 2018

Well, it’s hard to believe another holiday season has come and gone. It feels like just yesterday (a.k.a. September) when I was filled with such hope and excitement for the ever-growing crop of holiday entertainment headed our way. With 83 original made-for-TV movies debuting on network/cable + Netflix/Hulu alone, I barely scratched the viewing surface, even while mostly watching new holiday content nightly from November through Christmas. For instance, this is the first year I didn’t get to a single ION or UP offering. Heck, I didn’t even get through all of Lifetime’s offerings, which I mostly really enjoyed, let alone do more than dip my toe into Hallmark’s daunting 38 new movies. But, of the more than 34 new movies and specials I did sample this season, here are my best and worst…

Best Made-for-TV Holiday Movie of 2018

Early on it became pretty clear that Hallmark’s ever-more homogenized offerings were unlikely to produce my seasonal favorite. Now, it’s possible I just missed that gem that was gonna win me over, since I stopped watching Hallmark altogether at some point, but for the second year in a row, it was Lifetime that offered up my favorite of the season, with one of their acquired titles, Every Other Holiday.

Every Other had both rom and (some) com, but wasn’t your standard made-for-TV Christmas fare. It was clearly just as low budget, but it was a lot more realistic and well-acted than average. It wasn’t light, fizzy fun, and it even had a strong faith element, which is usually not my favorite, but it was so well done, it was impossible not to like. 

The story of a an estranged family fulfilling their children’s wish of spending Christmas together with extended family, instead of only sharing “every other holiday” with each parent, was well-written, holiday-centric and ultimately touching. I just loved it, and really hope it becomes available on DVD or digital.

Hitting a completely different note, I also really liked the cheese-tastic Lifetime original A Very Nutty Christmas, starring Melissa Joan Hart, who is, for me, the Queen of Made-for-TV Christmas movies. Not only did she star in the classic Holiday in Handcuffs, this is her second-straight, sweet, funny Lifetime joint, after last year’s a A Very Merry Toy Store, and I hope she continues to make more. (Hart’s company also produced both Nutty and Toy Store.)

This story of a nutcracker come to life, and the baker who falls in love with him, was super silly Christmas fun, with all the elements of the classic ballet transposed onto a small town bakery in the lead up to the holiday. The cast was outstanding, and quite funny, and it was the perfect amount of crazy Christmas fun, that really hit my holiday movie sweet spot.

Honorable mentions also go to the quite funny The Truth About Christmas (Freeform) and wacky The Princess Switch (Netflix), both of which were light, fun holiday larks that I absolutely enjoyed.

My 2018 Made-for-TV Top 10

Every Other Holiday (Lifetime)

A Very Nutty Christmas (Lifetime)

The Truth About Christmas (Freeform)

The Princess Switch (Netflix)

The Christmas Chronicles (Netflix)

Christmas Lost and Found (Lifetime)

The Christmas Contract (Lifetime)

Poinsettias for Christmas (Lifetime)

A Christmas in Tennessee (Lifetime)

Return to Christmas Creek (Hallmark Movies and Mysteries)

Honestly, Return only made the cut because it was best of a bad batch I watched from Hallmark, and there were probably plenty I rated two paws that I actually enjoyed more. 

Clearly, I am hoping Lifetime stays in the Christmas movie fight, as I strongly feel they’re out Hallmark-ing Hallmark, on every level. Lifetime is bringing the cute Christmas romance, but also offering up greater diversity, better casts (with a heavy lean towards late ’80s/early ’90s nostalgia), and scripts that nail the formula, without seeming formulaic and boring. Family friendly and sweet doesn’t have to also equal absolutely boring and bland, and Lifetime is proving that year over year.

Best Theatrical Holiday Movie of 2018

This category is a bit of a cheat, since I didn’t actually go to the movies this Christmas season, but thanks to some quick video turn arounds, I was able to see some of the stuff that debuted, albeit in one case only briefly, in theaters this year.

My favorite is the not-exactly-Christmas, but very snowy and fun, Smallfoot. I did not expect to enjoy this Channing Tatum-voiced Yeti movie nearly as much as I did. It was smart, funny and great fun for the whole family. Much more savvy and sweet than expected, this story of a Yeti tribe who live isolated above the clouds for their own protection, find their belief in a series of wacky explanations is challenged when one of them sees the mythical “smallfoot,” a.k.a. a human being.

My other, much more holiday-centric pick, is Elliot: The Littlest Reindeer, which enjoyed a brief theatrical release before jumping directly to digital. This long-delayed movie about a miniature horse who wants to be one of Santa’s reindeer, boasts a talented voice cast and a charming story that went in ways I definitely didn’t expect. The animation isn’t totally up to par, but our entire family enjoyed this original take on Santa and his magic, and I definitely see us re-watching it in future seasons.

And, honestly, The Christmas Chronicles probably belongs in this list, rather than made-for-TV, since the Netflix original had a much more big screen budget. Kurt Russell’s cool Santa will be watched more than once in many households, and I can definitely see it becoming a bit of a Christmas classic over time.

Best Holiday Special of 2018

Disney Channel’s reboot of the classic Ducktales offered up its first Christmas special in 2018, and it was a doozy. Ducktales Last Christmas! got multiple watches in our household this season. 

This full-of-callbacks half hour managed to bring in Mickey’s Christmas Carol and Dr. Who, with a large nod to David Tennant, current voice of Scrooge McDuck, and a host of other meta-jokes that make it well worth watching more than once. 

The tale of Scrooge visiting great Christmas parties across time with a little help from these, “three ghosts he met once when they meant to visit another Scrooge,” was great, classic animation that was a just a ton of fun to watch, and I think I liked it even better the second time around. 

Honorable mentions go to NBC’s A Legendary Christmas with John and Chrissy, who’s throwback quirky style put a huge smile on my face, and Netflix, for finally blessing us with Great British Baking Show: Holidays.

Best New-to-Me Holiday Discovery of 2018

The 2017 theatrical The Man Who Invented Christmas was, I believe, considered a box office flop, but this somewhat ahistorical tale of how Dickens created his legendary A Christmas Carol was great holiday fun, with Dan Stevens ably channeling the Victorian-era author. I’m not sure it’s funny or schmaltzy enough to become a Christmas classic in the It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story vein, but I have no doubt it will become much better known as more people get a chance to experience it.

I also want to offer up two honorable mentions for made-for-TV movies of yore I saw for the first time this season, including the delightful 2013 Hallmark movie, Window Wonderland, which earned a spot on my all-time-favorites list and definitely made me wish Hallmark still made smartly written and less formulaic movies like this. 

I also really liked Melissa Joan Hart’s 2014, The Santa Con, which she directed herself and was her first holiday pairing with Barry Watson, also her co-star in A Very Nutty Christmas. Con was another definitely different movie not afraid to buck the formula, which I really enjoyed.

But it wasn’t all Christmas Eve snow and candy canes this season so on to what I didn’t like…

Worst Made-for-TV Holiday Movie of 2018

I was deeply torn between two Hallmark movies I spent the entire runtime hating more and more as the movie went on: Christmas in Evergreen: Letters to Santa and Mingle all the Way. Both contained actresses I’ve really enjoyed in other Hallmark projects, Ashley Williams and Jen Lilley, respectively, and in the case of Evergreen, the 2017 original actually made my best-of list last season.

Both were less “movies” than a checklist of Hallmark plot points so grimly adhered to and executed that you could almost see the script writer’s notes 

decorate Christmas tree ✔️

make gingerbread house ✔️

have snowball fight ✔️

save business ✔️

kiss under soap bubble snow ✔️

The End ✔️

These are the exact sort of competently produced (they look just fine), content-free, promo-filled (everything in the picture above, with the sole exception of actress Jill Wagner, can be purchased at a Hallmark store near you) faux-festive slogs that I find mind-numbing, and not in a good way. 

I totally want silly, cheesy and cozy in my Christmas fare. But I do not care for churned out, near-identical schlock. Basically, there’s good cheese, and there’s bad, and Hallmark’s brand this season seemed to be entirely of the “cheez” variety, a.k.a. we-can’t-legally-call-it-cheese-because-it-contains-no-dairy. 

Slick, but joy-free is how I sum up Hallmark’s 2018 slate. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m in the minority here, as their ratings are going up and up and up. I fully expect to see even less interesting movies, and more of ’em, in 2019. I’m just not sure I’ll be bothering to watch.

Not that there weren’t bad fare to be found beyond Hallmark’s borders… 

Lifetime’s A Twist of Christmas was a boring promo for the weirdest product ever: an Oreo music box. Still baffled how they didn’t make the “twist” title into an Oreo pun, and I think its lack made me dislike the movie even more.

Freeform’s No Sleep ’Til Christmas had so much potential, but got so many things wrong, it kind of infuriated me more than any other movie this season, simply because it was so close to being really good. (I had a somewhat similar take on A Shoe Addict’s Christmas, but that one wasn’t tone deaf like No Sleep, just boring.)

And, lastly, if I’d been able to make it all the way through the execrable Life-Size 2: A Christmas Eve, I’m pretty confident it would have topped my worst-of picks by a mile. This utterly unwatchable sequel to the quite charming 2000 Wonderful World of Disney film was an epic fail on every level. Not festive, incredibly dumb and not even accidentally funny. All in all, this wildly hyped outing was a disaster of Holiday Joy (my most-hated of 2016) proportions, but with a much bigger budget.

Worst Holiday Special of 2018

Nailed It! is a show that a lot of people, including my 11-year-old son, really enjoy, but I find tedious and kind of disgusting. Nailed It! Holiday! was my first, and frankly, last, experience with the show, and all I can really say is that it is very, very much Not. My. Thing.

Worst New-to-Me Holiday Discovery of 2018

For the second year in a row, Trolls figure into the worst category of my list, this time via this new-to-me 1981 HBO special, The Trolls and the Christmas Express, that I picked to show my kiddos.

Wow, this Canadian-made animated special was a slog. Not terribly festive, it makes Santa’s elves into idiots, and the entire premise of wearing out the reindeer seems … dumb. I mean, aren’t they magic? Do magic reindeer get tired? 

We try to watch a Christmas special every night between Thanksgiving and Christmas���kind of a TV advent calendar—and this was my YouTube pick, as I wanted to watch something we hadn’t seen before. Big mistake. Huge. My kids (justifiably) didn’t let me make a pick again all season.

So, that’s a wrap on Christmas TV 2018. I’ll be back with renewed hope and festive fantasies of TV movie greatness in 2019, mostly because, with each year, there is fresh hope that this time will, for sure, actually be the Best Christmas Ever. 😂

[agirlandherhund]

Being a MSTie: On Both Sides of the Screen

Hey!  My name is Rebecca Hanson.  I’ve been a MSTie for over half of my life. And for the past year I’ve been a writer, Gypsy and Synthia on Season 11 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Return.  I bet you’d like to know how this all happened.  I am more than happy to tell you all about it.  Now that I can!

One Saturday in November 2013, Joel Hodgson (creator + original host of MST3K), Trace Beaulieu (Dr. Clayton Forrester + Crow T. Robot) and Frank Conniff (TV’s Frank) came to Chicago to speak at the Museum of Broadcast Communications because it was the 25th Anniversary of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  My friend Kevin had posted on Facebook that he was bummed to be out of town for this grand event but if any of his friends could go that would make him feel better about it.  Thankfully, I was in town that weekend and so was my husband, Tim, and our two friends, Ross and Nikki.  The four of us met up at the MBC happy to be out of the cold, grey autumnal rain.  We found pretty decent seats.  I could not see the panel that well but once Joel started speaking, I was instantly calmed yet exhilarated and magically transported back to my college days where we spend certain weekends we didn’t have shows (I was a theatre/speech major so a decent amount of my college weekends were spent rehearsing and performing) at various peoples’ houses or dorm rooms watching as many episodes as my friend Jason’s dad could fit onto a VHS tape.  These were the days before streaming or even DVD’s for that matter.  Jason’s dad would record episodes of MST3K from Comedy Central and the (then) Sci-Fi channel for us to devour in our small, cloistered college town in northwestern Iowa.  The Mondays after our MST3K Marathon Watching weekends, my stomach would hurt from all of the gut-busting giggles we let out while watching these hapless fools with their robots make miserable movies magical with their humor.  It was an incredibly bonding time with this group of friends and it also made me realize, hey - these guys aren’t too far from me - I mean, I only grew up Iowa, a few hours south of The Cities and these guys were making comedy (and a whole universe, really) that looked deceptively simple that I could not get enough of.  I was inspired by it all.  

And that Saturday in November 2013 (many years after college), to be in Chicago, with my friends and husband - each of us had moved to Chicago at different times for the sole purpose of learning all forms of improv and sketch comedy to become performers and each one of us was (and still is/are) - was an extra special experience to share.  

After these fine gents were done speaking, they opened it up for a Q & A.  There was a little voice who waited patiently as other grown-ups asked their questions, when it was finally this little voice’s turn, he asked Trace, “How old is Crow?” 

And Trace said, “Well - how old are you?” 

“EIGHT!” the little voice proudly shared.

“Well, that’s how old Crow is, too.”

Cue the tears streaming down all of our faces as the discussion wrapped and a bunch of us bee-lined it to merch.  My husband and I bought a DVD set then, along with our friends Ross and Nikki, headed to the line where everyone was waiting to get things signed by ‘Joel Robinson and the Mads’.  As Ross, Tim, Nikki and I were waiting, we were scheming.  Ross was part of the Mainstage cast at Second City and Tim had understudied that show the night before. Nikki, Tim, Ross and I all performed with Second City in various capacities so we knew we could all do the improvised set that happens after the second show on Saturday nights.  We were wondering if Joel, Trace or Frank would care to join us on stage?  The thing is, we are all pretty mild-mannered, if not down-right shy at times.  But since I was not part of that particular cast that evening, I decided that I would be the one to ask them once we got up to the table… 

But as we approached the table, Joel exclaimed to Trace and Frank, “Hey! These are the Second City Guys!” And Ross, Tim, Nikki and I lost our minds! Unbeknownst to anyone, Joel had been to the Mainstage show the night before and immediately recognized Ross and Tim (they’re both very strikingly tall, handsome and funny dudes).  We all exchanged pleasantries and had our postcards signed and took pictures with them. 

I told Trace how much he (and the whole MST3K gang) influenced and shaped our comedic voices and God Bless that sweet Trace Beaulieu, he said, “You already had it in you.” 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We asked them if they would be interested or available to come play the set that at Second City that night.  Their travel schedules did not allow it.  But Joel said he would be interested in getting dinner with us if we could.  Of course, all of our little comedy-nerd hearts burst at this invite.  Joel, Ross and Tim connected on Twitter (I was not on Twitter at that point) so we could arrange a time and place.  Luckily, Joel was cool with eating on the earlier side since so many of us had shows that night.  And more luckily (?) he was cool with us inviting the casts of the Mainstage and etc to join us. 

We met and dined at Adobo Grill (the Mexican restaurant that would nearly two years later, burn to the ground and take a good chunk of Second City with it) at a sensible hour.  I sat right next to Joel Hodgson, my long-time comedy hero and we chatted it up about Minnesota, Valleyfair! Amusement Park and all things Midwestern.  As our food was being served to us, Joel said in his thick Midwestern Mom voice, “Should we saaay graaaaace?” 

I said, “Oh, for nice, we should, ya.”

All of us were in awe to dine upon fine Mexican cuisine with the guy who created the show so many of us memorized and loved for so many years.  It was very cool.  I did ask Mr. Hodgson if he would mind getting a picture with just Tim and myself.  He very kindly obliged.

Oh, it was such a nice supper!  Oh, we were so happy!  Uff da, it was so nice! THE END. 

OR WAS IT???

A few weeks later, Joel direct messaged Tim on Twitter to wish us both a Merry Christmas.  

JOEL WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO WISH US A MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS - WE LOST OUR MINDS!!!!

In July of 2014, I came home from Second City and Tim was playing a video game.  He had a smirk on his face.  Tim told me that Joel Hodgson just messaged him, wondering if he could get my phone number… 

I looked my dear husband in the eye and said, “Do. Not. Mess. With. Me.” for I thought he was playing some sort of stupid joke on me.  Which is really not his style at all but — why would Joel remember me and want my info, not Tim’s? He had given Tim his phone number so… I called him.

I called Joel Hodgson’s cellular telephone device with my own cellular telephone device.  I wasn’t shaking at all.  I wasn’t at all nervous.  I wasn’t at all —- mentally barfing with excitement…. 

Joel wondered if I was able or interested in helping him on the final day of Wizard World in Rosemont, IL, that next month (August).  Would I be willing to hang out with him all day, at his booth, and help him talk to all of his adoring fans and learn some lingo and just hang out? 

With him?

With Joel Hodgson?

Me?

“Daaaaahhhhhhhhhh, yeah, Joel, noooo problem!” I says to him. 

So, a few nights before I was to hang out with him at Wizard World, he and his friend, Julie (who was helping him the first few days), Tim and I met up for dinner to chat more and she would give me more of the low down on what I needed to do that Sunday at the convention.  So - yeah, Tim and I were gonna have dinner (again!) with Joel!  How cool are we?

I will tell you something I have learned about Joel through the years: if there is some sort of deviled egg option on a menu - he will order it.  And enjoy it. 

Another fun dinner in the books with Joel, I got my info, we all headed our separate ways and that Sunday arrived and I drove out of the city to Rosemont to attend my very first comic book convention (or as most of you say Con) as Joel Hodgson’s Helper. 

It was pretty amazing - all of the costumes, all of the various celebrities, we had (of course) all-access to where ‘the stars’ eat and that was a trip, just seeing all of these people going through a buffet line like they were regular people but only regular people go through buffet lines NOT COMIC AND TV STARS!?!?! THEY ARE JUST LIKE US, I TELL YOU!!! 

After we ate - okay - I barely ate because I was too nervous but I was thankful for fizzy brown caffeine so I slammed that down - Joel and I were lead by security to this little ‘room’ made of pipe and drape so various people could get their picture taken with Joel by a photographer with a proper camera.  I shared some of my spearmint Altoids with Joel (I am good at making sure people have fresh breath) and checked that his hair was in place (he had been wearing a hat earlier) for all of the pictures with his adoring fans. After that photo session, we were lead by security again to Joel’s booth, where he unpacked Tom Servo from the suitcase he was carrying (he didn’t even let me hold the suitcase, even though I was there to assist him. Ah, Joel!) and it is here I started tearing up a bit because I had never been so close to Tom Servo (well, at least at that point in my life) before.  Joel stopped and said, “Rebecca - you know this is not The Original Tom Servo or anything.” 

I told Joel, “Just let me have this moment, okay?  Then I’ll be cool.” 

He chuckled and put Tom on the table, along with various Joel Robinson headshots and, I think, a poster that Steve Vance had made, too.  Then we spent a few hours with lovely MSTies coming to meet Joel, get things signed and I took pictures with their phones of them and Joel.  We did this for awhile, then he was going to speak in another room.  As we walked from one section of the convention center to the other, I had mentioned how much I enjoyed the article about MST3K in ‘WIRED’ magazine earlier that year.   “Oh… you read that?” he asked in his droll Joel voice.  

“Uh, yeah, Joel Hodgson.  I did.” I admitted.  I also flat out said, “If you’re in something, I am going to read about you.” 

For the next hour or so, Joel spoke in this huge room.  There were a ton of questions asked by various MSTies, as it was part Q&A.  I took a few pictures of him speaking because I figured he would want some and probably didn’t think of doing that.  He delighted and charmed the whole room and made all of us laugh a lot… 

but as charming and informative as he was, we still did not get the answer we were all secretly hoping for: That Somehow MST3K Would Return.  I honestly do not remember if anyone out-right asked but, come on, how many years (decades) had we all been wishing and hoping that it would happen?!? 

After the Q&A, Joel and I returned to his booth.  He smiled more and signed more and then it was the end of the day.  I asked him if I could possibly get a picture with him and Tom?  He wondered who would take it for us.  I said I would. Welcome to Selfies, Joel.

We loaded up the booth and he wanted to pay me - which, BELIEVE ME hanging out with him all day was payment enough, I refused, but then he insisted and then he really wanted to do the bit where he literally payed me under the table - so yes, he gave me cash under the table and told me not to blow it all on drugs.  (I only blew half of it on drugs!) 

**** KIDDING!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO DO DRUGS!!! FOR REAL!!!****

but as we were leaving the convention center and I will never forget this, he said how he was hoping to some day get MST3K back but who knew if all the sea of legal stuff could even be crossed at that point?  But he said, “If I were ever to get it going again, do you think you and Tim would want to write on it?” 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“DAMNIT, JOEL, YOU’RE MAKING ME CRY AGAIN!  ON AN ESCALATOR!!!” I couldn’t even be cool about or not emote.  I kind of got it together enough to say, “Yes.  Please.  That would be the highest honor Tim or I could ever imagine.  Yes.” 

Then we made sure his taxi was cool with getting him from his hotel to O’Hare and I got into my Subaru and caught my breath a bit. I thought about texting Tim this crazy thing Joel had said to me but could not put it in writing.  I almost thought that would hex it.  And, I honestly thought that Joel was just being nice to me by saying that because I had helped him out all day. But as soon as I got home, I spewed out to Tim: “JoelHodgsonsaidtomyfaceifMST3KevergetsbackontheairwouldyouandIwanttowriteonit?!?”

Tim was also as dumbfounded as me.  I said, “I told him thank you and I kinda started crying on the damn escalator and I said it would be our honor.  But, I think he was just being nice to me because I helped him today so let us never think of this again.  Just know he said it.  Then we have to forget it.” 

Cuz - that’s the kinda thing ya just forget about, right? 

April 2015 comes along.  Joel was coming to Chicago again to promote ‘Other Space” on Yahoo! Screen.  He asked if Tim and I would want to get together for dinner again?  This time, he really wanted Chicago style pizza.  “Is it lame, Rebecca, to want to have Chicago style pizza in Chicago?  Am I just a lame tourist by wanting that?” he asked me over the phone.  

“Not at all, Joel.  Do you mind if we have some friends (more of your adoring fans) join us?” I asked.  He was cool with it.  He met up with us.  We devoured some Chicago style pizza with our friends, Kevin and Carisa. It was about a week after my birthday.  It was raining again.  Joel was able to come see Tim (and Carisa) in his etc show at Second City.  I went along, too. Someone from Yahoo! Screen met us there but I can’t remember her name. Joel laughed a lot during the show.  I made sure he did not forget his umbrella.  He could not make it to my Improvised Sondheim Project show because it was at like 11:00 that night and he had to be up early to promote the next day.  We parted ways.  

I do not have a picture of this meeting to share with y’all.  You will just have to believe me that we all at Lou Malnati’s pizza together.  Okay? 

So, a few months pass and the Kickstarter Campaign to Bring Back Mystery Science Theater 3000 goes up in mid-November.  Tim and I each contributed because we are long time fans of the show.  We watched it before we even knew each other.  It was one of the very few things we actually had in common when we first started dating and - you get it at this point - we freaking love this show!  Neither one of us even said, ‘Do you think Joel will remember what he said at Wizard World?’ 

We could. not. bring. our. selves. to. even. say. it.

In December 2015 we all know that when it closed, it was The Most Successful Kickstarter Campaign for TV and Film in the history of Kickstarter.  

On New Year’s Eve Day 2015, my phone rings. It is Joel Hodgson.  “Hi, Joel!” I answer.  He immediately says, “Looks like we got the money!  Are you in? Is in Tim in?” 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just looked at Tim and he could tell that all of our dreams were coming true.  I put Joel on speaker.  “Really, Joel?  Really?  YES!!!!  I thought you were just being nice to me the day I helped you at Wizard World - I didn’t know you really wanted us to write!’ I exclaimed.

He went on to say that not only did he want us to write but he wanted us to maybe be on camera but wasn’t sure of those details yet but wanted to make sure we’d be in for the next step.  Then he wished us a Happy New Year.

THEN TIM AND I EXPLODED WITH JOY!!!!

We were going to write on the show that formed us both as comedians, writers, performers - heck, as People!  We could not believe it. 

Later in January 2016, Joel called me to ask if I would be willing to play a clone of Mary Jo’s (aka Pearl Forrester) … I do not remember if he had named her yet or not but, yeah, he asked if I would be Synthia.  Because, I guess, during all of these interactions we’ve had over the years, he thought I looked a lot like Mary Jo Pehl. 

Then he asked if Tim would be willing to be more of a silent character on camera, as an Observer type of character (he hadn’t come up with those names yet, for sure, I do remember that) and do we have a friend we work with who is funny yet the exact physical opposite of Tim?  We did!  His name is Zach Thompson (the three of us had worked at ComedySportz Chicago together for years) and Joel was like, “Cool.  Do you think he’d like to be in MST?” And we asked Zach and Zach said yes and told Joel then Joel was like, “Cool.  I’ll get in touch with him.” And then our good buddy Zach was on board!

I wrote on two episodes of Season 11.  In March and April of 2016, I was writing on ‘The Loves of Hercules’ and ‘Cry Wilderness’.  I did not know which episodes they would be.  I did not really know what Synthia would be.  I did not know anything else.  I did not fully believe everything was actually happening. I did take a picture to remember because I was still in (happy) shock AND, also, this was the beginning of Keeping Big Secrets. 

In July 2016, I had some downtime from the freelance copywriting gig I had been doing and I had no shows, so I went to visit my sister in Texas so I could be with her twin daughters (my nieces) for their THIRD birthday.  One day, the four of us girls decided we were going to go to IKEA before their big party and on the way there, Tim was frantically calling and texting me.  I guess Joel was wanting to conference call us.  He did not know that I was not in Chicago with Tim but down in the heart of Texas.  Long story short - I took the conference call while sitting in a fake living room set at IKEA.  Harold Buchholz, Joel, Tim and I were all chatting it up a bit.  They wanted to see if we would be available to possibly take things on the road one day and to also talk about shoot dates in Los Angeles for the actual episodes and then Joel Hodgson asks, ‘And Rebecca, I was wondering if you would want to be the voice of Gypsy?’ 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

At this point in the call, I had made my way out to the parking lot because it was too loud inside the IKEA, too many people were interested in the couch I was sitting on in the living room set, and I knew I needed air and I just. I just could. I just could not. I just could not believe. I just could not believe that. I just could not believe that Joel. I just could not believe that Joel asked… 

It was silent on my end for a bit.  He said, “Rebecca - think about it and I’ll ge—” and I totally cut him off. 

“Y E S ! ! !”

“Well, you think about it and get back to me tomorrow, it’s -” 

“Joel, I don’t need to think about it.  Yes.  Are you sure?  Yes!  This is my dream come true.  No need to think.  Yes.  Yes, I will be the voice of Gypsy.” 

I do not really remember how that phone call ended but for a few minutes there, it was just Tim and I on it.  Joel and Harold must have hung up but Tim (in Chicago) and I (in Texas) were still on.  I do remember I had found a picnic table and chairs display set up out in the parking lot of IKEA because I somehow was seated when I asked Tim, “Did Joel Hodgson really ask me, Rebecca Hanson, out loud, on the phone, in front of you and Harold, to be the voice of Gypsy?” 

And Tim said, “Yes, Sweetheart.  He did.  It is Your Dream Come True.  You’re going to be The Voice of Something.  You’re going to be the voice of Gypsy.  On Mystery Science Theater 3000.” 

I went back into IKEA to find my sister and nieces eating pasta and meatballs in the cafeteria.  My almost-three-year-old-nieces were excited to dip their pasta into the red sauce.  I was excited to be the voice of Gypsy.  My sister asked if I was okay.  I told her what happened.  She instantly teared up for me.  My nieces got marinara on their cute dresses.  It was a Red (Sauce)Letter Day for us Hanson Girls. 

So - yeah.  I’ll stop here.  There is more to tell and say but I don’t know if I’ll ever properly explain or express just how thankful and grateful and honored and excited and amazed and blown-away I am by this whole magical ride.  I have been performing and writing and singing and making-things-up for a living for a long time.  I’ve met and worked with a lot of people on TV and stage; some of them were so cool and some were not.  I had reached a point, too, where I was not sure if I should keep doing all of this.  So - I share this with you from a place of hope.  I hope this can inspire you if you are in a place of uncertainty.  Or if you are in a place of security, I hope it inspires you, too.  If you’re in a place where you can make good things happen for other people, do it.  And I do not mean just in the entertainment industry but in any walk of life: Encourage Others. Encourage Yourself.  It helps keeps Us All Runnin’.  

**************************************************************************************

I will forever be thankful to + for this Cool Dude, right here: 

Joel + me at the MST3K Experiment 1101 Chicago Premiere in February 2017. 

[mtwy]

Popcorn

Germany May 1984

A MOMENT

PERSONAL INFORMATION: NAME: Madonna BORN: 16/08/1960 Bay City Michigan HAIR COLOR: Blond/Brown EYE COLOR: Blue Green SIZE: 5’41/2” HOBBIES: Movies, Reading, Boys

US correspondent Helmut Werb met New York's new star with the pious name and realized: Madonna is not a child of sadness

Green socks, Jesus sandals, black plush pants, green sweater, yellow fingernails, bright make-up, a green loop in the blond hair - distributed on the almost 1.58 metre body size - an estimated three kilos of fashion jewelry, Madonna, New York’s new superwoman with the disco hit “Holiday”. The jaw drops with the way she looks and moves, she looks like a punk doll brought to life: A little bit like Pipi Longstocking and a lot like Nina Hagen. “I’m a fan” explains Madonna, pointing out that she does not confuse the names “Nina Hagen is very sharp, but I don’t think Nena is so great” “Do not take normal pictures of me, I hate those” She twists her body, as if she had rubber bones. You can see she has studied ballet. During live shows she pirouettes, widly gyrates, jumps and is erotic, she is famous for this, but she does not want to take photos showing this! “Unfortunately I cannot show you because the ground is not right and I have injured myself” No wonder the confirmed vegetarian has this kind of injury, her calendar is brimming. In Los Angeles Madonna is currently shooting her latest video, and the second album will be recorded in New York. She talks of the stage again. “This is for me the hottest place of all” In New York’s top disco “The Roxy” where it all started a year ago. The woman with the incredible black voice kicked off for the first time in front of a tough New York crowd and spun so much energy and eroticism that everyone was talking about her the next day. Even the “New York Times” spoke of her “natural talent”. From then on, Madonna was regarded as an “underground secret”, until now, with the dance hit “Holiday” her career has hit lightning speed. Madonna finds her ascent to the top quite normal: “I am an impatient person. If I want something, then I work my ass off - but then it must work”  The fact that she is cared for by none other than Michael Jackson’s management office is typical of Madonna. Even more typical is how she got to it. “I marched up to the boss and told him that I was going to be a superstar in twelve years. I needed only five minutes, then the man was convinced and I got my contract” Madonna Ciccone was born 22 years ago as a child of Italian born parents. The religious name was conciously chosen. “I was educated at a Catholic school, my parents would have been happy if I had become a nun, I was okay with the idea until I was 10, then I had other things on my mind” Madonna, who grew up in the industrial district of Detroit in the “black quarter”, discovered music “On each street corner, the cliques stood in front of suitcase radios, singing and dancing to the latest hits” Recalls Madonna “I found it incredibly exciting and joined in. The first hit that I really got off on was “These Boots are Made for Walking” by Nancy Sinatra” At High School, Madonna then took dance and drama classes and later studied classical, modern and jazz ballet. Madonna dreamed of a big career as a dancer and worked for several dance companies before hanging it up after a setback “During the casting of a main role, I lost against my competitor. In that moment the spark was gone. Within seconds I backed a new horse and changed to music” She was taught guitar and piano by black muscians in the back rooms of shady clubs, a boyfriend taught her the drums. She got into a half dozen New Wave bands, some she stayed with only a few days. “It was an instructive time, but I knew I had to do my career alone. I am one of a kind, I walk out into the spotlight - a thousand strange eyes staring at me. Then my body tingles from the soles of my feet up, until I explode.” If Madonna explodes, then standing two steps behind her is her brother Christopher. He dances in the background. Christopher is two years older than Madonna and - in the Italian tradition - cares for “the little sister” Although she has a boyfriend in New York - according to Madonna “We see each other so little, that when we meet up we are as shy as if we just met” When she is on the road, she spends a fortune calling her boyfriend, and when she is at home in New York, she is most likely alone in her 200-square-meter apartment, with only a bed and a huge stereo. “I do not need money or possessions, I am only interested in the essentials” The capricious Madonna contradicts herself in the next moment when she gets lipstick on her green sweater, and is close to tears. The manager is called in to take care of it. In hindsight Madonna grins “I often buy things I would kill my daughter for wearing, if I had one”

[judefan844-blog]

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[2019dclmed]

Monte Carlo/Monaco - Thursday, May 30, 2019

Monte Carlo/Monaco - Thursday, May 30, 2019

It was another 6:01am alarm for us with the PA call time of 7:30am. UGH. 

We were technically anchored at Villefranche, a central point for Nice, Cannes, Eze, & Monte Carlo/Monaco. I say anchored instead of docked, as this was our sole port that required tendering. 

Our PA for this port is the one we questioned the most, and it was the only one we did that was just a half-day.

Monaco, The Marina and The Little Train (V01)

Due to the “little train” portion of our PA, as expected, we had a large group with a handful of pretty young kids. In fact, I think they split our PA into 2 or 3 different groups, each filling an entire charter bus. I think there were actually about 30 in our group after tendering, which took longer than expected. 

Our guide was a nice British bloke, Paul. I think it was 8:15am by the time we pulled out. The port is at - and the busses travel through - a castle to exit; the tight turns required maneuvering by a charter bus that I didn’t believe was possible! Phew!

Kara: I love the water, but our only other experience with tendering was in the Caribbean, which is a bit unnerving. As we made our way out to the tender, I leaned back to G and said, “This isn’t your grandma’s tender boat.” They attached an entire ramped dock system to the side of the ship and our tender boat was a nice size touring ferry. Very, very easy. We also managed to get a couple of great shots of the ship while on the tender.

Also as expected, we drove around curvy roads and tunnels to get to Monte Carlo. They said there is one police officer for every 60 people in Monte Carlo, which totals 38,000 residents. (That’s over 600 police!) Honestly, you would need it for all of the overt wealth apparent everywhere you look. Overall, it was beautiful, clean, and the one word I’d use to describe it is “Opulent.” 

Of course our guide educated us about Princess Grace and Prince Rainier along with their children, the filming of 2 Bond films, and homes of U2 and Elton John. The Cannes Film Festival had been held just a few weeks prior. We walked through (quite quickly) the Cathedral. It reminded me of a much smaller version of a mix of both Westminster Abbey and St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, as it had aspects of both “dark and light”. Somehow the combination worked beautifully here. 

We were given only about 10 minutes to browse around a few tourist shops, so it was no useful time at all.  

Then we took our 30 minute Little Train Tour, which had a good auto-audio guide. During the tour we witnessed the holistic dismantling of the Grand Prix circuit. Just the week prior the 90th running of the Monaco Grand Prix was held. We got to drive down the starting line and saw (didn’t drive on) the (to me) famous Tony Stark curve from “Iron Man 2”. 

Sidenote: The above statement is the main reason I chose a Monaco PA. Between my love of fast cars, Iron Man, and Disney-Pixar’s Cars 2, I really wanted to “be here”. My thoughts really changed weeks earlier, as (not being overdramatic) I was traumatized by what they did to Tony Stark in “Avengers: Endgame”. (I doubt I will ever be able to watch this movie again.) Thus, my experience was sadness rather than excited elation. However, between my Tony Stark/Endgame reflection and a book I was reading at the time, the experience gave me some deeper thoughts on what it means to be driven by fear….

Our tour ended with a beverage at the Marina with spectacular views of the harbor with its multi-million dollar yachts and the (no kidding) yacht-shaped Yacht Club - LOL! Monaco is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever visited, but with more time, I don’t know what we’d have done other than stroll around and find an overpriced cafe.

Kara: I could spend a few weeks in this general area and not take it all in. Between the museum, the castle, watching the water, going over to Eze and Nice and strolling - easily a few weeks. While there was certainly incredible opulence in Monaco I loved every moment of this tour, well except for one thing which you’ll read about in a moment.

We took a scenic route back through Eze - & inexplicably, Nice! In fact, we got stuck in traffic, not getting back to the ship until 1:15pm. (By the PA description we were supposed to be back by noon at the latest.) Thus, we could definitely see how people could easily miss the all aboard time in this port! 

When we finally did get back everyone was running off the bus, as we had a non-stop screaming infant in our group. He reminded me of Jack-Jack in full-on flame mode. (Kara said the same family was on her Naple/Sorrento tour during which the baby shrieked the entire time then as well. Kara nick-named him Demon Child.)

Kara: I adore kids, especially when they are cute and engaging as this little guy could be. G’s statement is true though - he had some demonic issues with being in a bus and I was OVER it.

This photos on the way back was fun to capture.

We dashed up to Cabanas before it closed at 2pm, since by this point we were starving. We did capture some lovely photos during/after lunch.

Then we escaped (finally) to our stateroom for some much-needed quiet. It was finally sunny and almost warm, so we sat on the verandah (me in a hoodie and jeans with sandals) to read. 

Kara - We enjoyed a little table right by the window in Cabanas - it was LOVELY! Then we strolled around on deck enjoying the sunshine.  I think Gayle might have been on a different cruise than me at this point because the weather was purely delightful.

Today’s VIP treat from Zoe was cookies - yum! We also stopped by Guest Service to make sure the gratuities were on my folio, as we always dedicate our onboard credit for this.

At 4pm I started to get ready for dinner, as I didn’t want to be late. Tonight we were in Rapunzel’s Royal Table for the second time. Part of the reason I requested this rotation was so we could be in Rapunzel’s Royal Table for the “Lantern Show” on the same night as the “Tangled” stage show. This was perhaps the thing I was MOST excited for on this cruise!

Thus, we were the FIRST people into the restaurant! As our head server indicated earlier in the cruise, we were able to move to an empty table nearby/on the center aisle (the exact location we were at on the Disney Wonder in Tiana’s)! I captured some video and Kara selflessly took pictures of me with Rapunzel and Flynn Rider. 

Kara: We started OUTSIDE the restaurant with photos: 

The Famous Sea Bass!

Dessert Menu

My dessert came in a mini-cast iron skillet! (It was basically a donut with chocolate sauce & ice cream, which was underwhelming.)

Rapunzel VIDEO https://www.dropbox.com/s/83thkfq30cgwsw1/IMG_1843.MOV?dl=0

Our server challenged us to find the 3 “hidden” Pascals around the restaurant. I found 1; Kara found the other 2. BOOM. (We will not give away the locations here!) Since we were in early and are quick with ordering our meal, we again had time for our server to try to stump us with table/crayon puzzles. (FYI with the “Mickey Mouse” clue we were then able to solve the “4 boxes to 3 by moving 3 crayons. I include this here to recall it in the future!)

After dinner, I spotted Hotel Director Lisa (Zoe’s boss) to share our positive feedback about many aspects of our cruise experience. 

Part of tonight’s “Tangled” theme was O’Gills Pub being “taken-over” as the Snuggly Duckling! 

Kara taught me rummy, while we simultaneously played and sang “Thugo” (Thug-themed bingo) with the entertainers. 

Kara pointed out a great banner that I may (will definitely) duplicate in my office for my university honors students:

We all have dreams. Now go follow yours and get out!

LOL!!!

Kara prompted us to the theatre before the doors opened so I could pick a prime location to view “Tangled”. 

I will say the show was...good. (The puppeteer for Max was great and the singer portraying Mother Gothel was INCREDIBLE.) This is tough because the stage shows are simply a performance of the movie. My stance is I can go to my stateroom (or stay home - gasp!) and watch the movie. Disney Cruisers get accustomed to and have a deep appreciation for their original Broadway-style shows - something you can only get on Disney Cruise Line. (I’m looking at you “Disney Dreams”.) And some are only offered on one or two of the four ships at that. So putting the movies on stage seems like a lesser effort on their part. Based on the limited time and facility they really can’t go “full out” like they do with the Broadway tour productions. (FYI they do “Frozen” on the Disney Wonder, something I found to be a painful experience and have no intention of going to ever again.) Still if they have to choose a movie to put on stage, “Tangled” is definitely at the top of my list! 

Overall, it was a great night! And even more so since there was no alarm for the next day’s Day at Sea! Back in the stateroom we journaled and enjoyed our regular nightly cookies. 

Kara pointed out on this trip we visited the 2 smallest countries: The Vatican and Monaco! 

We tried not to go into pre-emptive “sad mode” since tomorrow was the last full day of the cruise. With all the PAs, a 7 night cruise never flew by as fast as this one. 

Disclaimer: I (Gayle) am a travel agent with Authorized Disney Travel Planner agency - Off to Neverland Travel. Contact me today for a no-obligation quote!

Next up: Day at Sea!

[twentysomethinginorlando]

Wine & Dine Weekend Part Three: Post Race Party

New Post has been published on https://twentysomethinginorlando.com/wine-dine-post-race-party/

Wine & Dine Weekend Part Three: Post Race Party

Welcome to Part Three of the Wine and Dine Half Marathon Weekend, the character filled conclusion with the Post Race Party! Part One covered the Expo, Jay’s last-minute registration, and the 10K. Part Two followed us along the Half Marathon course as Jay ran his first RunDisney Race. 

I knew when I signed Jay up for the Wine and Dine Half Marathon, I would have a hard time convincing him to go to the Post Race Party at Epcot. It wasn’t his fault he was so tired, we signed him up late and he had no time to train even if he wanted to. We went home after the race and spent most the day either sleeping or on our respective computers. The Post Race Party officially started at 10 p.m. with admission as early as 8 p.m. I have an annual pass so we go whenever we please anyway, so there was no rush. Around what I thought was half past seven I suggested we start getting ready. It was actually closer to 6:30 because I had forgotten to change the clocks when we got back. We wound up arriving at Epcot around 8:30 p.m. which turned out fine, because we didn’t realize that nothing would be open from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. It never occurred to me things would close while they swept the regular guests out of the park, because at Magic Kingdom the special event starts the moment the park closes. I assumed Epcot would be closing at 10 p.m.

Silly Chelsea. 

Our first stop in Epcot was actually Guest Relations because when we went for Food and Wine in early October we found the normal, not-part-of-Food-and-Wine margarita booth missing. I wanted to know where to find my frozen margaritas! Thankfully, Guest Relations assured me the quick service location in Mexico would have them, and she was right. We made the long, slow, hobbling walk up to World Showcase and got in line at La Cantina de San Angel just before 9 p.m. and were actually ordering as Illuminations went off overhead. It was the first time in what was probably several years watching it, because if I’m in the parks that late at night I’m usually watching one of the other nighttime spectaculars. Epcot is the park I spend the least amount of time in since Duffy was chased out by the evil Daisy Duck. We realized they had closed the line off behind us and that the park was shutting down. Jay looked at me, rather grumpy since that meant the place he wanted his drink from would also be closed. I promised him we’d make it to the Rose and Crown before the night was over and then we headed towards Germany. If we had to sit around waiting until 10 p.m., we might as well do it in line for something. 

My sole priority for the Post Race Party was all about the characters, not the food. We had already been to Food and Wine once and had another trip planned so as soon as we had the brochure in our hand back at the Expo, I started planning. There was only one character on the list that I had never met, so we started there: the Witch from Snow White. 

When we arrived in Germany there was a small line of about ten people already formed so we jumped in line behind them and sat down. Photos from the races were finally starting to show up on My Disney Experience, so I spent my time waiting downloading those and sending them to my Mom. The Witch appeared promptly at 10 p.m. and we groaned as we got to our feet and the line moved up. It was almost our turn when the Backstage Door beside the Witch opened for several Cast Members on their way to work the Food and Wine booths, and their reactions were priceless. Clearly they didn’t know anything about the event they were working, and they were so excited to see the Witch. We were up in no time and she fussed over Duffy before we took our picture and moved on. 

The party had been officially started for ten minutes and we had already met one character! We moved on towards the U.K. since I had promised Jay a Welsh Dragon from the Rose and Crown. He was moving much slower than I was, so I suggested he jump in line for our next character while I went to fetch the drink. As we passed America we saw Mickey Mouse out in his patriotic best, the same outfit I met him in on the Fourth of July. I asked Jay to hop in the extremely long line and I kept going, only to pause as I passed Japan. I saw Minnie Mouse out sporting a kimono! I called Jay as I kept walking as fast as my sore legs could carry me. 

“Do you actually want to meet Mickey?” 

“No, not really. We met him this morning.” 

“Okay, I’ve met him in that outfit. If you don’t care about it, I think you should move over to Japan and get in line for Minnie.” 

By the time I got back to him with his Welsh Dragon, (it is a good thing I don’t like that drink considering long as I had to carry it around the park without drinking it) Minnie was being pulled off for a cheese break. She was supposed to be right back, but there was some sort of wardrobe malfunction and it was about half an hour before she reappeared. We were much more patient about this than some of the others in line. One man started yelling at the Character Attendant and it took everything I had not to step in to defend her. 

We were in line long enough to see Minnie switch again, but the second time was much more expedient. Minnie immediately took Duffy away from me to hold him for the photo and blew both Jay and I a bunch of kisses. She was super cute. I love meeting different versions or special versions of my favorite characters. 

It was about 11:10 p.m. so our second character had taken an hour on her own, but we were still two characters in already. I felt we were doing fairly well. Jay wanted to go see one more character and leave. I kept saying I wanted to see the Adventurers Club, but he seemed to think they wouldn’t be fun. Since we were right next to Morocco and the next show started at 11:15 p.m. I convinced him to stop for just a few minutes to watch the start, and then we could keep going. 

We wound up watching the entire show, and laughing our heads off. 

Back in the days of Pleasure Island, the adult themed area of Downtown Disney, there was a venue known as the Adventurers Club. I’ve heard about it since I became a Jungle Cruise Skipper, but didn’t really know anything about it because everyone talks to me like I should know what it is. There’s something called a Kungaloosh, and until the Post Race Party that was pretty much all I knew. The Adventurers Club was a multi-act comedy show with different events happening in various rooms all night long. Based in a similar era to the Jungle Cruise, it is a grand organization of the world’s most daring and witty explorers. Due to the nature of Pleasure Island, they told jokes that Skippers would never get away with. Nothing graphic or crude, but lots of clever innuendo. The Kungaloosh is not only the club greeting, but a famous drink. For the better part of a year I’ve listened to the Pirate Crew (Jay, Robert, and Victoria) refer to it like I should be familiar with it. Unlike my friends, I did not grow up with frequent trips to Walt Disney World. When the Adventurers Club closed in September of 2008, I had just turned seventeen and was in my senior year of high school. The last time I had been to Disney I was fourteen, and if my mother had known what the Adventurers Club was she probably wouldn’t have taken me to see it. (Then again, she took me and two friends to the Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was sixteen, so who knows?) 

So at long last, on November 5, 2017, almost ten years after the Adventurers Club closed its doors, I learned what they were all about, and I LOVE THEM. I used to frequent (and still do when I am in town) an improv show in Knoxville, and while the Adventurers Club was at least semi-scripted, it was the same kind of dynamic, quick humor. I wish I had gotten more of it on video. They taught the crowd to do the secret handshake, recite the Club Creed, and sing the song. There were three men and one woman, almost all equally funny, and I heard some jokes I never would have guessed I’d hear in a Disney park. With crowd suggestions, they did a rendition of “Old McDonald had a Farm”. We had a pig that went oink, a cow that meow and a moose that went vroom vroom. The final suggestion came from one of the Adventurers Club members, a haystack! 

“A haystack doesn’t make noise!” 

“Yes, they do, I used to walk past one every day on my way to school and it was always moaning.” 

He proceeded to make a moaning noise like someone having a really good time. The Club President, Pamelia Perkins, quickly interrupted. 

“It must have been a haunted haystack!” 

“It sure was, because it was always shaking all about!” 

So sure enough, we sang “Old McDonald had a haystack, ee-ay-ee-ay-oo, here a ooooooooh, there a ooooooh, here a ooooooh, there a oooooooh, everywhere an ooooooh oooh!” 

I realize reading it isn’t nearly as funny, but I can’t wait to show some of the videos to my improv friends at Einstein Simplified. We walked away laughing so hard we were almost crying. 

The strangest thing about the Post Race Party was instead of the usual soundtrack of World Showcase, they had a DJ playing music that reached around the world. So walking through the U.K. we saw a group of Cast Members dancing to the Cupid Shuffle. Had Jay not been so sore I would have joined them. 

We made our way over to Canada where Koda and Kenai from Brother Bear were meeting. I had to make Jay watch the movie a few months ago because he had never seen it. While they’re not Duffy, I do love bears. Koda and Kenai were SO CUTE! They were dancing to music in between guest interactions. I got hug-attacked by both of them, and Koda wanted to keep Duffy.

Apparently, he belongs with other bears. We got our picture taken and I had to tell them Jay wanted a hug. This is a common occurrence; all the Disney characters always want to shake his hand until I say something. So, he got hugs from both and I got another hug from Kenai, and off we headed. We made one last planned stop by the Chocolate booth for the Nitro Almond Truffle. It was one of my favorite items from the Food and Wine Festival this year. 

Our actual final stop was by the DJ booth by the Future World Fountains. As much as  I love characters, and I loved the Adventurers Club, my favorite thing about this party as much was how much fun the Cast Members were having. A bunch of them were having their own dance party at the DJ Booth. A shift that late at Disney is going to be almost entirely College Program and Part Time Cast Members, and they were having the time of their life. It made me so happy. 

It was about 12:40 a.m. by the time we got to the car. Staying awake for the drive home was almost more of a challenge than running both the 10K and the Half Marathon. 

I love RunDisney. I love running their races, even if I don’t train for them like I should. The Wine and Dine Half Marathon is my second favorite race I’ve run, just behind the Princess Half Marathon. Especially now that Jay has the RunDisney bug, I hope to be running the Wine and Dine Two Course Challenge again next year. My only concern, as is a lot of RunDisney fans, is the ever-climbing price tag. The Challenges are over $300, and paying for two runners was over $500. That’s on top of the time I have to take off work. With my 30 by 30 plan now thrown off by the hiatus of the West Coast races, I’m not sure if it will be as much of a priority as it was. 

I say that now, but we all know come registration day I’ll be signing up. I live here! At least I don’t need a hotel or transportation. 

Cost: The Wine and Dine Two Course Challenge was $362.44. It included the 10K and the Half Marathon for 19.3 miles, three runners’ shirts, three medals, and a ticket to the Post Race Party. The Wine and Dine Half Marathon was $224.92. It included the Half Marathon for 13.1 miles, one shirt, one medal and a ticket to the Post Race Party.  

Value: Pricey but worth it. 

Duration: It’s a minimum of a three-day event if you do the Two Course Challenge because you have to pick up the bib and shirts at the Expo. 

Add Ons: There’s all sorts of stuff and it changes with each race. They have VIP Runners’ Retreats and Cheer Squad for spectators. 

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[twentysomethinginorlando]

Wine & Dine Part Three: Post Race Party

New Post has been published on https://twentysomethinginorlando.com/wine-dine-post-race-party/

Wine & Dine Part Three: Post Race Party

Welcome to Part Three of the Wine and Dine Half Marathon Weekend, the character filled conclusion with the Post Race Party! Part One covered the Expo, Jay’s last-minute registration, and the 10K. Part Two followed us along the Half Marathon course as Jay ran his first RunDisney Race. 

I knew when I signed Jay up for the Wine and Dine Half Marathon, I would have a hard time convincing him to go to the Post Race Party at Epcot. It wasn’t his fault he was so tired, we signed him up late and he had no time to train even if he wanted to. We went home after the race and spent most the day either sleeping or on our respective computers. The Post Race Party officially started at 10 p.m. with admission as early as 8 p.m. I have an annual pass so we go whenever we please anyway, so there was no rush. Around what I thought was half past seven I suggested we start getting ready. It was actually closer to 6:30 because I had forgotten to change the clocks when we got back. We wound up arriving at Epcot around 8:30 p.m. which turned out fine, because we didn’t realize that nothing would be open from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. It never occurred to me things would close while they swept the regular guests out of the park, because at Magic Kingdom the special event starts the moment the park closes. I assumed Epcot would be closing at 10 p.m. Silly Chelsea. 

Our first stop in Epcot was actually Guest Relations because when we went for Food and Wine in early October we found the normal, not-part-of-Food-and-Wine margarita booth missing. I wanted to know where to find my frozen margaritas! Thankfully, Guest Relations assured me the quick service location in Mexico would have them, and she was right. We made the long, slow, hobbling walk up to World Showcase and got in line at La Cantina de San Angel just before 9 p.m. and were actually ordering as Illuminations went off overhead. It was the first time in what was probably several years watching it, because if I’m in the parks that late at night I’m usually watching one of the other nighttime spectaculars. Epcot is the park I spend the least amount of time in since Duffy was chased out by the evil Daisy Duck. We realized they had closed the line off behind us and that the park was shutting down. Jay looked at me, rather grumpy since that meant the place he wanted his drink from would also be closed. I promised him we’d make it to the Rose and Crown before the night was over and then we headed towards Germany. If we had to sit around waiting until 10 p.m., we might as well do it in line for something. 

My sole priority for the Post Race Party was all about the characters, not the food. We had already been to Food and Wine once and had another trip planned so as soon as we had the brochure in our hand back at the Expo, I started planning. There was only one character on the list that I had never met, so we started there: the Witch from Snow White. 

When we arrived in Germany there was a small line of about ten people already formed so we jumped in line behind them and sat down. Photos from the races were finally starting to show up on My Disney Experience, so I spent my time waiting downloading those and sending them to my Mom. The Witch appeared promptly at 10 p.m. and we groaned as we got to our feet and the line moved up. It was almost our turn when the Backstage Door beside the Witch opened for several Cast Members on their way to work the Food and Wine booths, and their reactions were priceless. Clearly they didn’t know anything about the event they were working, and they were so excited to see the Witch. We were up in no time and she fussed over Duffy before we took our picture and moved on. 

The party had been officially started for ten minutes and we had already met one character! We moved on towards the U.K. since I had promised Jay a Welsh Dragon from the Rose and Crown. He was moving much slower than I was, so I suggested he jump in line for our next character while I went to fetch the drink. As we passed America we saw Mickey Mouse out in his patriotic best, the same outfit I met him in on the Fourth of July. I asked Jay to hop in the extremely long line and I kept going, only to pause as I passed Japan. I saw Minnie Mouse out sporting a kimono! I called Jay as I kept walking as fast as my sore legs could carry me. 

“Do you actually want to meet Mickey?” 

“No, not really. We met him this morning.” 

“Okay, I’ve met him in that outfit. If you don’t care about it, I think you should move over to Japan and get in line for Minnie.” 

By the time I got back to him with his Welsh Dragon, (it is a good thing I don’t like that drink considering long as I had to carry it around the park without drinking it) Minnie was being pulled off for a cheese break. She was supposed to be right back, but there was some sort of wardrobe malfunction and it was about half an hour before she reappeared. We were much more patient about this than some of the others in line. One man started yelling at the Character Attendant and it took everything I had not to step in to defend her. 

We were in line long enough to see Minnie switch again, but the second time was much more expedient. Minnie immediately took Duffy away from me to hold him for the photo and blew both Jay and I a bunch of kisses. She was super cute. I love meeting different versions or special versions of my favorite characters. 

It was about 11:10 p.m. so our second character had taken an hour on her own, but we were still two characters in already. I felt we were doing fairly well. Jay wanted to go see one more character and leave. I kept saying I wanted to see the Adventurers Club, but he seemed to think they wouldn’t be fun. Since we were right next to Morocco and the next show started at 11:15 p.m. I convinced him to stop for just a few minutes to watch the start, and then we could keep going. 

We wound up watching the entire show, and laughing our heads off. 

Back in the days of Pleasure Island, the adult themed area of Downtown Disney, there was a venue known as the Adventurers Club. I’ve heard about it since I became a Jungle Cruise Skipper, but didn’t really know anything about it because everyone talks to me like I should know what it is. There’s something called a Kungaloosh, and until the Post Race Party that was pretty much all I knew. The Adventurers Club was a multi-act comedy show with different events happening in various rooms all night long. Based in a similar era to the Jungle Cruise, it is a grand organization of the world’s most daring and witty explorers. Due to the nature of Pleasure Island, they told jokes that Skippers would never get away with. Nothing graphic or crude, but lots of clever innuendo. The Kungaloosh is not only the club greeting, but a famous drink. For the better part of a year I’ve listened to the Pirate Crew (Jay, Robert, and Victoria) refer to it like I should be familiar with it. Unlike my friends, I did not grow up with frequent trips to Walt Disney World. When the Adventurers Club closed in September of 2008, I had just turned seventeen and was in my senior year of high school. The last time I had been to Disney I was fourteen, and if my mother had known what the Adventurers Club was she probably wouldn’t have taken me to see it. (Then again, she took me and two friends to the Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was sixteen, so who knows?) 

So at long last, on November 5, 2017, almost ten years after the Adventurers Club closed its doors, I learned what they were all about, and I LOVE THEM. I used to frequent (and still do when I am in town) an improv show in Knoxville, and while the Adventurers Club was at least semi-scripted, it was the same kind of dynamic, quick humor. I wish I had gotten more of it on video. They taught the crowd to do the secret handshake, recite the Club Creed, and sing the song. There were three men and one woman, almost all equally funny, and I heard some jokes I never would have guessed I’d hear in a Disney park. With crowd suggestions, they did a rendition of “Old McDonald had a Farm”. We had a pig that went oink, a cow that meow and a moose that went vroom vroom. The final suggestion came from one of the Adventurers Club members, a haystack! 

“A haystack doesn’t make noise!” 

“Yes, they do, I used to walk past one every day on my way to school and it was always moaning.” 

He proceeded to make a moaning noise like someone having a really good time. The Club President, Pamelia Perkins, quickly interrupted. 

“It must have been a haunted haystack!” 

“It sure was, because it was always shaking all about!” 

So sure enough, we sang “Old McDonald had a haystack, ee-ay-ee-ay-oo, here a ooooooooh, there a ooooooh, here a ooooooh, there a oooooooh, everywhere an ooooooh oooh!” 

I realize reading it isn’t nearly as funny, but I can’t wait to show some of the videos to my improv friends at Einstein Simplified. We walked away laughing so hard we were almost crying. 

The strangest thing about the Post Race Party was instead of the usual soundtrack of World Showcase, they had a DJ playing music that reached around the world. So walking through the U.K. we saw a group of Cast Members dancing to the Cupid Shuffle. Had Jay not been so sore I would have joined them. 

We made our way over to Canada where Koda and Kenai from Brother Bear were meeting. I had to make Jay watch the movie a few months ago because he had never seen it. While they’re not Duffy, I do love bears. Koda and Kenai were SO CUTE! They were dancing to music in between guest interactions. I got hug-attacked by both of them, and Koda wanted to keep Duffy.

Apparently, he belongs with other bears. We got our picture taken and I had to tell them Jay wanted a hug. This is a common occurrence; all the Disney characters always want to shake his hand until I say something. So, he got hugs from both and I got another hug from Kenai, and off we headed. We made one last planned stop by the Chocolate booth for the Nitro Almond Truffle. It was one of my favorite items from the Food and Wine Festival this year. 

Our actual final stop was by the DJ booth by the Future World Fountains. As much as  I love characters, and I loved the Adventurers Club, my favorite thing about this party as much was how much fun the Cast Members were having. A bunch of them were having their own dance party at the DJ Booth. A shift that late at Disney is going to be almost entirely College Program and Part Time Cast Members, and they were having the time of their life. It made me so happy. 

It was about 12:40 a.m. by the time we got to the car. Staying awake for the drive home was almost more of a challenge than running both the 10K and the Half Marathon. 

I love RunDisney. I love running their races, even if I don’t train for them like I should. The Wine and Dine Half Marathon is my second favorite race I’ve run, just behind the Princess Half Marathon. Especially now that Jay has the RunDisney bug, I hope to be running the Wine and Dine Two Course Challenge again next year. My only concern, as is a lot of RunDisney fans, is the ever-climbing price tag. The Challenges are over $300, and paying for two runners was over $500. That’s on top of the time I have to take off work. With my 30 by 30 plan now thrown off by the hiatus of the West Coast races, I’m not sure if it will be as much of a priority as it was. 

I say that now, but we all know come registration day I’ll be signing up. I live here! At least I don’t need a hotel or transportation. 

Cost: The Wine and Dine Two Course Challenge was $362.44. It included the 10K and the Half Marathon for 19.3 miles, three runners’ shirts, three medals, and a ticket to the Post Race Party. The Wine and Dine Half Marathon was $224.92. It included the Half Marathon for 13.1 miles, one shirt, one medal and a ticket to the Post Race Party.  

Value: Pricey but worth it. 

Duration: It’s a minimum of a three-day event if you do the Two Course Challenge because you have to pick up the bib and shirts at the Expo. 

Add Ons: There’s all sorts of stuff and it changes with each race. They have VIP Runners’ Retreats and Cheer Squad for spectators.