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moosesarecute · 3 months ago

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Part 10: The Shadows Sing

Part 9 Part 11

To say you were doing bad was an understatement. The fact that you still were able to walk was surprising you.

Sherry had lived in your cabin for over two weeks. Two weeks where you have been on alert 24/7.

Not only didn’t you have your shadows to protect you (except Elizabeth of course), you had to live with your biggest frenemy.

Meaning you hadn’t gotten more than an average of two hours sleep per night, except for last Friday where you accidentally slept for three hours.

Sherry acted surprisingly nice towards you. She shared her food and tried to have small talk with you.

Normally, that is something you would have enjoyed, but you were too paranoid. You felt that every word you said would let her know that you were a shadowsinger hiding your relationship with an other shadowsinger.

You’re not sure Sherry would have told anyone about it, but you knew that if Sole found out, you would be dead. You took no chances.

“Are you going to try to get the chicken today too?” Sherry asked you.

It was fight day. You were determined to win.

You gave Sherry a sharp nod.

“I’m rooting for you.”

You looked towards the female with a confused gaze.

“Sole always gets so selfish when he wins,” she explained. “I have never really gotten a piece of the chicken.”

You felt your hatred again Sole grow even bigger. You didn’t know that was possible.

Sherry had moved back home the night before. You had learned very much about both her and her twin through the weeks.

“Y/N against Sole for the chicken,” Master Raven called out. He almost sounded bored. “The loser gets the faebane anecdote.”

Not today, you told yourself. Today would be far from boring.

You used all the tricks Azriel had learned you together with all you already knew. With your body weight evenly distributed and your focus on only the battle.

Sole started and punched you directly into your nose.

Fuck.

Not today.

You punched back and landed a decent hit. However he hit back just as well.

Fucking Sole. You made your move.

Sole that always made your life miserable.

You managed to dodge twice where he didn’t. He was doing worse.

Sole that always thought himself as better than you.

You started to grow tired.

Sole that took your prosthetic.

He fell to the ground with your next hit, but he got up again quickly.

You had the upper hand. You needed the energy. You looked over at Sherry.

Sole that didn’t even care for his twin sister.

You landed a last hit directly into Sole’s nose.

“I yield,” you heard him whisper.

You almost didn’t believe what was going on as Master Raven handed you the chicken.

“Good job,” he said. But what he continued with worried you. “I’m grateful. I needed you in a good mood.”

You were about to ask him what he was talking about when you saw them. Appearing from behind bushes and trees.

Large leathery wings. Wings you had spent the first 15 years of your life fighting for. Wings you had spent the next 55 years hating and fearing. Wings you had started to look at like safety and comfort. Wings that suddenly turned back into a sign of fear.

Five illyrans moved towards you. A total of 10 siphons lighting from their leathers.

You were going to throw up.

At the front, leading the others, where the male that had hunted your nightmares your entire life. Adrian looked directly at you with a smug smile.

Your chest tightened.

“We have new business partners,” Master Raven said and you felt your world crumble.

“No.”

You felt like you hadn’t said anything else the last couple of minutes.

“They will give us safety,” Master Raven tried to reassure you.

You just shook your head and repeated your word.

“They made a promise. We help them take down the High Lord, they give us money and safety.”

You let out a hysterical, but short laugh.

“These are the same people, literally the same individuals that ripped my wings of my body and left me to die at the age of 15. You actually trust them to be honest and protect us?” You were screaming at him.

“The cause is worth it,” Master Raven stated with his calm voice.

You felt yourself grow furious.

“The High Lord of the Night Court is the reason we are alive today. He saved our lives at least once a week during Amarantha and your thank you is to help the people that’s trying to kill him? You’re worse than I thought!”

“We helped him during the war with Hybern.” His voice was now more aggressive. “I’d say our debt is payed.”

You were shaking with anger.

“Helped? You think that was help? You let out a wild naga on the battlefield and then left. After I had begged you for days to do something. If I hadn’t…If the spirits above hadn’t been on our side, so many innocent people would have died!”

“We are helping them whether you like it or not. Stop your tantrum right now.”

You tried to take a few deep breaths. You failed miserably.

“I’m not taking a part in anything that would help them.”

He let out a sigh.

“Y/N-“

“No, you can’t change my mind.”

“It’ll be 95/5 then.”

You picked up your chicken and walked away.

You walked out Master Raven’s door and into the forest.

Without your shadows you had to walk everywhere. Poor Elizabeth was working her best, but not even she could shadow walk you on her own.

Unluckily for you, the fastest way to your cabin was through the fighting clearing where you knew the illyrans would be.

But you didn’t care. You were too angry to think clearly.

So you walked towards the clearing.

“There she is!” You heard Adrian call out for you.

You ignored him completely.

“Hey! Don’t ignore me!” He yelled.

You heard him move towards you. But you were too furious to realize what was happening.

That was until he grabbed your wrist and you lost it completely.

You turned around and immediately kicked your prosthetic deep in between his legs.

He of course let go of your wrist and then he fell to the forest floor. You walked away from him.

“Fucking bastard,” you heard behind you.

First when you closed the door to your cabin you let yourself feel.

You leaned against your door and slid down to the floor as your tears started to stream. You were shaking.

Your home was not safe anymore. It never had been, not really, but now it was unbearable. You had to find a way out.

Illyrans

Illyrans that you were supposed to help. That you were supposed to trust.

You couldn’t do that.

You needed to get away.

But you knew you had no choice but to stay. You couldn’t leave before you had paid your debt.

You looked down on your prosthetic. The part of your debt that you hadn’t been able to pay.

Maybe you should just give it back? You could convince Azriel to let you live with him until you could make a living for yourself.

You shook away the thought. Then you would be in debt to Azriel. You already owed him for asking him to babysit. Without your prosthetic you wouldn’t survive even a week.

You felt your chest tightened and you struggled to breathe between your cries. You couldn’t do this anymore. You were going to die, either from hunger, crying, terror or murder.

You were about to let out a new cry when you felt the swirling around your body.

Your cry turned into one of relief. You had sent Elizabeth to get the rest of your shadows the second Sherry left, but she hadn’t come back yet.

Your shadows swirled around your entire body and dried away your tears.

“We’re home!”

“We’ll protect!”

“Missed you.”

“Finally home.”

After a few seconds, they started to get more chaotic.

“What’s going on?” You asked them.

“Master and friend needs help, mistress.”

It took you a second to realize that they meant Azriel. Azriel and his shadows needed help!

“Take me to them,” you told them and stood up.

“Dangerous,” they answered and didn’t move.

“What can I do then?”

They swirled around like crazy once more. They were thinking.

“We bring them here!”

You nodded and then they all disappeared.

You realized how bad it had to be if Azriel couldn’t transport himself.

“Ouch,” you heard from outside your cabin.

However, terror struck your heart when you realized it wasn’t Azriel’s voice.

Your shadows came back into your cabin and started to pull you outside. You would have to fight, you knew it.

Two illyran males laid on the ground before your cabin. You realized one of them was Azriel, but the other one, you had no idea.

The other male started to stand up, without seeing you, and tried to pull Azriel up with him.

“Come on, big guy,” he said. “We need to get out of here.”

He was going to kidnap Azriel! You needed to do something.

You ran towards them and immediately jumped on the stranger. You hit his chest and kicked your prosthetic into the back of his knee. He fought back like crazy.

“Leave him alone!” You yelled at him.

You were about to kick him to the ground, when your shadows roughly took grip around your waist and instead pulled you to the ground.

“Friend!” Your shadows yelled at you and pulled your hair. You quickly stood.

First after that you spent some time to look at the male. He had long hair that was sat up in a bun, but it was the seven siphons that gave away his identity.

“Oh gods!” You exclaimed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t realize.”

But then you remembered that even though you knew a lot about Cassian, you shouldn’t trust him.

He surely didn’t trust you.

“Who are you?” He asked. He looked beaten up, but ready to attack.

“I’m Azriel’s,” you had to stop to think. “I’m his friend, I think.”

Cassian looked at you like you were crazy.

“Yeah, that sounds very convincing,” he said and started to move towards you.

You realize that for once, you had to gain his trust and not the other way around. And you needed to get his trust fast, because Azriel was hurt.

“He’s been training me the last few months,” you started to explain.

“Training you in what?” He asked, still not believing you.

What you did next was the most terrifying thing you had ever done. He had already seen your shadows. And Azriel trusted him. He had to be safe, right? He had to be, because you were not holding back if it could help Azriel.

“I’m like Azriel,” you whispered and let your shadows swirl around as they wished.

Cassian’s cautious eyes turned wide at the shadows that played with his hair and swirled around his biceps.

You pulled them back. And carefully walked over to Azriel. He still only laid on the ground. He was covered in small bruises and his shadows were no where to be seen.

The smell of faebane immediately hit you.

“Help me get him inside,” you said to Cassian.

You worked in silence as you carried Azriel and laid him down on your bed. You carefully moved his hair away from his face.

You turned around when you heard Cassian slump down on your chair.

“Are you hurt?” You asked him even though all the blood on your floor told you the honest answer. “What happened?”

“Ambush,” he just answered. You could see his drowsy eyes fighting to stay open. “Not badly, but the faebane doesn’t help. Azriel is worse than me.”

You felt shivers going through your body. Azriel was hurt. You felt like your heart was dying. You needed him to get better.

You turned your head towards the chicken you had laid beside the entrance door.

“I’ll be back soon,” you said as you picked up the chicken and walked out the door.

You knew what you had to do.

You had never seen a more arrogant smile on Sole’s face.

“No,” he just said.

“Please, Sole,” you tried to say nicely. “You’ll get the chicken and I’ll get the anecdote!”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“We’ll fight. The winner chooses what he wants,” he suggested.

You knew you didn’t have a choice.

“Okay,” you said.

You walked ten steps away from each other and started the fight.

Where you this morning had been determined, ready and confident, you were now exhausted, emotional and stressed. You needed to get the anecdote to Azriel.

When your fist landed wrong on the first hit and your wrist started to burn in pain, you knew that you would lose. But there was no way you would give up that easy.

You didn’t last long and when Sole got a particular hard hit into your already hurt nose, you knew it was over.

“I yield,” you said in a whisper.

You were too embarrassed to say it out loud. How could you be so weak. You couldn’t even win a fight when your mate’s health was at stake! You knew you were pathetic.

You looked towards Sole as he walked towards the anecdote and picked it up. You felt yourself grow worried when he also picked up the chicken. You knew that if he wanted to cheat and take both of them, you couldn’t do anything about it.

You let out a sigh as your thoughts took over. You’d never get enough to pay the debt. You couldn’t even win over Sole two times, how were you then going to hunt more and better than you already did?

“Catch.”

Sole’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you lifted your hands just fast enough to catch the small bottle of anecdote.

“Now leave,” he said.

You quickly got up on your feet and moved towards your cabin.

“Thanks,” you said before you had gotten too far for him to hear.

@i-have-a-thing-for-the-dark @saltedcoffeescotch @rcarbo1 @mrsjna @kitsunetori @thecraziestcrayon @blessthepizzaman

#acotar #azriel #azriel fanfic #azriel x reader #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x shadowsinger!reader

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eitaababe · 1 year ago

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EVEN IF IT'S A LIE !

chapter nineteen. tables turned.

[ a/n ; wowza i literally died anyways last part and then epilogue!]

[ warnings ; lil bit of cursing and a mention of virginity lol ]

series masterlist. | previous / epilogue

— written portion below.

you miss the way spiders face falls at your truth, but his tone hides it all too well.

"no," he breathes out honestly. "even- even if the whole thing went down the way it did, your truth is still your truth."

you laugh humorously, wiping away a few tears. "i probably sound crazy, huh?"

"you're not crazy for being in love, y/n," spider laughs with you, a hint of longing in his voice. "and you can't control who you love. and if you believe that someone can feel the same way about you, i can't blame you."

"you ever been in love, spider-boy?"

he peers down to look at you, really look at you, and he's grateful that you're too busy hiding your puffy eyes to notice the soft look in his eyes.

"yeah. i have."

"lucky girl." you smile at him, and spider can't help the way his heart squeezes when he looks at you. because he knows how you feel— it isn't the same.

because spider looks at you as if you're the world, and you look at him like just another friend.

and he hates that ao'nung wasn't smart enough to take the opportunity right in front of him.

— written portion.

"hi."

the one voice you've been dreading to hear, the one that used to whisper sweet nothings into your ear at night, is one you now wince at. you're met with ao'nung's tired eyes, and id you had any energy left, you'd be mad that he looks just as miserable as you.

"hey." is all you can bring yourself to say back, silently inviting him inside. he wastes no time, stepping in and letting the door fall closed behind him, sighing as he stands there— awkward and out of place.

and it doesn't feel right, seeing ao'nung without his confidence.

but as you watch him quietly, you realize, *maybe this is truest side of him you've ever gotten to see.*

"i-" he starts, breaking the silence before closing his mouth. you let the quiet brew even more, letting him collect his thoughts.

"when i said i love you, i really did mean it-"

"i don't care if you meant it or not," you snap suddenly, and he realizes that your silence is a lot scarier than what he originally thought. "you could tell me it over and over again and i honestly don't think it would make a difference right now."

"y/n, please-"

"for once would you shut up and just listen?" you say exasperated, needing an outlet for everything you've been feeling. "imagine getting asked out, falling in love, getting your fucking virginity taken, just to find out it was all a lie! and then you think coming over here and saying 'i love you' is gonna fix it?"

"i know it doesn't," ao'nung shakes his head, distraught as tears start to well. "and i know none of it was right. i'm not expecting to fix any of this but if i could do it again," he pauses, reaching for your hands. "then there's not a doubt i would."

you immediately retract your hands, scoffing. "stop," you say, voice quiet. "stop trying to justify yourself. you made a mistake. and not the type you can fix."

"so that's it? this is all- we're just- done?"

"there is no this, ao'nung. don't you get it? none of this was real. you made sure of it."

"please." he begs hopelessly, eyes shut.

any other day, any other time before this, you would've begged to have ao'nung like this. to have him pleading for your love and a chance to be with you.

but you know better now.

"you need to go." there’s a sense of finality in your voice, and ao'nung knows there's nothing he can say or do to fix this.

"i really am sorry, just know that," he says as he walks towards the door. "and whether you believe it or not," he breathes out shakily, at the doorframe.

"i love you."

you watch him slip out the room, and effectively out of your life.

[🏷️ ; taglist. / closed ] @loaksbitch @8resa @n7ytiri @yukichan67 @dearstell @halibanana @aonungmyaddiction @teyums @lightskinloak @ipoopedmypants47 @aonungmybf @il0veheartz @chittakii @jjkclub @universal-s1ut @ilovejakesullysdick @calums-betch @izuoyarmin @yeosxxx @cl0esblogg @alwayswndr @iheartamajiki @jenniferdixon05207 @manumanulau @myh3artttt @ilupearls @sugarrush-blush @be3flow3r @cupidsl0ve

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agent-cupcake · 9 months ago

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Flashbang

Chapter 7 - Look Up, Look Up

Spotify Playlist / All Chapters / Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 /Chapter 7/ Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 pt.1 / Chapter 9 pt.2 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12

Pairing: One Piece Live Action Buggy x f! Reader

Synopsis: While you're trying and failing to deal with everything that's happened, it becomes increasingly obvious that running away wasn't as simple as you hoped. Captain Buggy takes this personally.

Warnings: Explicit smut, discussions of pregnancy/fertility, dub/noncon, unhealthy relationship

Word Count: 10.8k

Notes: This story is now just full time horny and the mental health of those involved probably won't get much better. See you next Sunday~

“There's something deep inside of me

It lingers and it presses hard

A tidal wave that never catches breath

The end is just the start

And now I don't know what to do”

xxx

Groggy and sore, your head spinning and filled with uncomfortable fog from the drug last night, you stood in the bathroom off Captain Buggy’s cabin, shivering in the thin sheath of a blanket taken from his bed. You had cleaned yourself up as best as you could, but there was nothing to do about the marks littering your skin, the soreness between your legs, or the ugly little bruise on your cheek from where your would-be kidnapper hit you. You washed your face clean of makeup—Buggy’s and yours—leaving you with a pair of splotchy cheeks and a set of unappealing mismatched eyes. One of them was tired, rimmed in red with flakes of mascara clinging to the lashes. The other was… Well, it was what it was.

Dad told you that you should have been grateful for the injury, that you were lucky to be alive at all. Being mildly deformed was nothing compared to what might have happened if you were nearer to the explosion. But your luck was a scar that started about an inch above your left eyebrow and ended two or so inches below the eye. That had been a nasty gash on its own, but there was also the burn. Covering the top of your cheekbone up to right beneath your brow, the skin crackled in shades of sickly burgundy, damaged enough that only part of your eyebrow grew, very few lashes clinging to the ruined lids. The burn as well as the stitches dad had put into your eyelid limited your ability to close the eye, leaving the milky film of your cornea exposed.

It wasn’t without reason that you were called a freak. People saw your eye and winced with phantom pain, thinking how grateful they were that it wasn’t their face that had been ruined. They had sympathy and pity, sure, but you understood the underlying emotions were relief and discomfort. Even dad insisted you cover your eye; he couldn’t stand looking at it. Nobody could.

Except for Buggy, but thinking about him didn’t do anything to help your miserable ruminations.

Bracing one hand on the sink, your heavy head swung down and you stared at the faded porcelain instead. Last night, you vomited and screamed and cried and cried and cried, the grief and pain and self loathing and fear so strong that emotion threatened to overcome you like a tidal wave. Now, the tears didn’t come. You weren’t some sort of victim in all of this, you had to face the facts.

Fact: Dad was still trying to get you back and the only way you could think to explain how he was doing that was to admit you lied to Captain Buggy. Fact: You were never never going to be free of him, not really. Fact: Last night you got high and threw yourself at the captain, and now you were the whore everybody thought you were.

God.

You peeked up at your face in the mirror, searching for the missing part of yourself that physically represented your virtue. That’s what people said. You lost your virginity. You were different now. You felt different, but you didn’t know what you were looking for. Or, rather, what you weren’t looking for. That made no sense, did it?

Disgusted by your nudity beneath the blanket, you left the bathroom. Moving made you realize how heavy your head felt, how foggy. There was a pinched, sour feeling in your throat, like when you got sick. By now, sunshine formed a bright frame around the blinds covering his windows, but his room was freezing.

Shivering, you looked around for your clothes, spotting your shorts and jacket on the floor. You had a feeling your shirt was tangled up somewhere amidst Buggy’s bedding. That was a bit of a problem considering Captain Buggy was also tangled up in the bedding. You didn’t want to wake him up. You weren’t sure you could handle facing him right then.

While you were deliberating what to do, cold and confused and miserable, Buggy opened one eye to give you a disgruntled look. “What’re you doing?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep. You hadn’t taken off his makeup last night, adding to his groggy, unkempt demeanor.

You pulled the blanket tighter around yourself, unable to look him in the face. “I’m sorry, Captain Buggy. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He groaned, blinking over and over again in an attempt to orient himself. “Shit. You kept me up too late.”

“I’m sorry.”

Buggy sighed, opening his eyes all the way to look you up and down. You didn’t see him detach his hand, although you spotted his little smile a second before the blanket was torn out of your hands, leaving you naked. You squealed in surprise, nearly falling over as you tried to cover yourself, prickling chills covering every inch of your skin.

He laughed, reattaching his hand and using it to prop up his head. “You know, if this was how you woke me up every morning, I might be more of an early riser.”

“Cap-tain, it’sss c-cold,” you said, shivering hard enough to distort your voice.

“Then get back in bed,” he said.

You frowned, hesitating. “I-I was going to-to go geh-get breakfast.”

Buggy groaned dramatically, rolling his eyes. “Aren’t we past this whole,” he gestured vaguely to you, “coy… schtick? Cut the bullshit and come here, it’s fuckin’ freezing.”

He was right about that at least. Although your hesitation held for a second more, the cold and unsteady dizziness was too potent for you to think of any argument, timidly approaching the bed with an awkward hunch to try and cover your nudity. Buggy obliged with a self-satisfied smile, raising the edge of the blanket for you to slip under the covers and rolling onto his back to make room. There was no graceful way you could think of to join him, but Buggy didn’t let you waste time trying to figure out a natural way to huddle beneath the blanket, pulling you against him regardless of your intentions to keep some space between you. Laying on your side, your head resting against his chest, allowed you some modesty, but every place where your bare flesh met his seared, practically sizzling.

“Shit,” Buggy exclaimed, “you’re like a little ice cube.”

“I’m always cold,” you muttered, trying not to shiver at the feeling of his warm hands smoothing over your chills.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Buggy said with a little laugh. “The first night when you slept in here, you were like a little heat vampire. I couldn’t keep you off of me.”

“Really?” you asked, taken aback. “I don’t… don’t really remember.”

“Of course you don’t, you were completely shitfaced. It was hilarious. Who’d’ve thunk that somebody so repressed and stiff would be such a horny drunk? You are so lucky I’m not some weirdo pervert who’d take advantage of a girl in such a precarious position.” He hesitated before adding, “Well, there was that one thing, but it’s not a big deal, especially now that I know you wanted it anyway.”

“What?”

“Before you get all upset, I didn’t actually touch you. I mean, I had to a little to get you in here and then to get you to settle down, but it wasn’t weird,” Buggy explained. “Trust me, you were begging for a lot more than what I was comfortable with. But then I needed to let out a little steam after all of your teasing, and, hey, if just looking at somebody was a crime, you would be the one with a massive bounty, not me. I bet you masturbate thinking about me every night after you leave.”

“I don’t,” you said, frowning. “I wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah, got it,” Buggy said dryly, rolling his eyes. “Innocent little virgin. I bet you don’t know how to make yourself come.”

“I-I…” You forced yourself to not get tripped up by the heat of embarrassment, letting out a big breath. “It’s fine. Just… Did I do anything else that night?”

“Nah, you passed out pretty quick.”

“Do you know what I did with my dress? I’ve never been able to find it.”

“Dress?” Buggy repeated, his eyebrows furrowing. Realization hit him a moment later. “Oh! Yeah, right. To be clear, you wanted to take it off. It was ruined anyway ‘cause of the blood so I didn’t think it was a big deal if I used it to clean things up after. Barely any of it got on you anyway, but then I started to get a little worried you’d be embarrassed about what happened, especially if you couldn’t remember anything, so I ditched it out the window.”

“Oh,” you said stupidly, your skin crawling. “I… Um…” You cleared your throat, hiding your face with your cheek against his chest, trying to stifle the discomfort you felt.

It didn’t matter, it wasn’t as if you could remember, and you believed him when he said he didn’t do anything else. But it meant that you had instigated a sexual dynamic at the start. Compared to what you did willingly, knowingly, you didn’t think you could reasonably be upset, but the idea that anything like that happened when you couldn’t remember was still unsettling.

“I’m sorry I… For acting that way,” you finally said, looking up at him.

“Don’t worry about it, babydoll. I’m not mad or anything. I guess I got a little irritated that you were being such a tease after showing me how you really felt that first night, but it worked out just fine, huh?” His eyes dragged down, lingering on the bite marks he’d left on your neck. He licked his lips. “Hey, come up here.”

“What?” you asked.

He huffed. “What do you mean ‘what’? Get up here,” Buggy said as he sat up, grabbing your waist to haul you up to him regardless of your nervous squirming. You choked out an objection when he wrapped his lips around your nipple, but that shuddered out into a breathy sigh. His mouth was warm and soft, a contrast to the rough sandpaper of his stubble. The sensation of his nose against your skin was odd, maybe because even still you didn’t expect the texture to be so human.

You didn’t want to respond to his touch, you didn’t want to enjoy being touched—you weren’t allowed to enjoy that—but it was like trying not to feel pain. You were utterly unable to ignore the pleasure that made your sore pussy tighten anxiously, the muscles aching for more than one reason. When he bit you, gently, just enough for the threat of pain, you didn’t mean to whimper, but you did. Your body hadn’t recovered from whatever you took last night, still caught in the haze of that spinning sense of need and languid acceptance of his touch.

Buggy pulled away with a wet pop, pushing you down onto the bed so he could lean over you and do the same thing to your other nipple, scattering all your thoughts of protest or nerves for what he intended because of how electrifyingly good it felt.

Using that distraction, his hand delved between your legs, two fingers pushing between your folds to curl against your entrance. The surprising sensation—was it pleasure? You couldn’t tell, it was too sensitive, too raw, too sore—made your back arch up dramatically, Buggy had to release your nipple and sit up.

“Fuck, babydoll,” Buggy said breathlessly, casually pulling his fingers up to rub against your clit. They slid easily over the sensitive flesh, coated in your own slick arousal. “Now you’ve got me all wound up.” You tried to squeeze your legs shut around his hand. All it did was trap him in place, casually rubbing against your clit in a way that had your hips jumping in spite of yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you said hoarsely.

“You should be. I won’t be able to get any work done today if I don’t take care of this now.”

“What d’you mean?” you asked, although you felt like you knew.

Buggy pulled his hand out from between your legs, grabbing your wrist and dragging it beneath the blankets. You knew what he was doing, although you still felt an odd zing of surprise when he put your hand around his cock. His breath was hot on your ear when he let out a shaky groan, his hips shifting impatiently, pushing into your touch. Knowing that it had been inside of you was almost surreal. Somehow, it felt harder than you might have expected. Warmer too.

He closed your fingers around his cock before his hand pushed back between your legs, two fingers sliding knuckle deep into your pussy. Buggy ate your little whine, pulling you into a kiss that was all hot breath and tongue and distraction while his fingers pressed a little deeper, his hips pushing his dick into your hand for more friction. It surprised you to feel his cock twitch in your hand, it made your breath catch. Dread, of all things, crawled up your throat like acid. There was a raw ache inside of you, an uncomfortable and unnatural pinch when your pussy unconsciously squeezed his fingers.

“Captain Buggy,” you said, breaking the kiss to catch your breath. “I’m… I’m really sore.”

“You’re really wet,” he said, chasing your lips with his own, drawing you into another kiss.

To prove his point, his fingers pressed deeper into your cunt, hooking and rubbing at your fluttery walls and you couldn’t help but writhe against him, pulling back with a whimper. “Please, Captain Buggy, I…”

He groaned, leaning back. “Do you ever stop whining? It’s not like you have to do anything. Just lay down, hold on, and let Captain Buggy take care of you like I always do.”

Your heart sank. It wasn’t like you were whining for no reason, you were sore, surely he could understand that? Or be sympathetic to it? You wanted to try and explain, but the words weren’t there in your cloudy, dizzy head, at least not in any sensical arrangement. You couldn’t think hardly at all underneath the spotlight of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you told him, your stomach twisting into knots. “I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry.”

Buggy looked at your pouty lower lip, his gaze rising to meet your wet eye, and his expression softened. “Aw, babydoll. It won’t hurt if you just relax a little,” he told you as he sat up, tossing away the blankets and raising your leg to duck underneath it. “You really gotta trust me about this shit. Unlike you, I know what I’m doing. Besides, I got you through your maiden voyage, didn’t I?”

“Yes, sir,” you said, not registering his playful tone until after your automatic response.

Last night, you had been completely under the influence during this part, but now you were stiff and overly aware of your breathing, of the crawling discomfort of being exposed, of what your body might have looked like to him. The surreal rush was no less intense, but now it was chased by the harsh bite of reality.

You expected him to immediately start lining up his cock, but instead Buggy grabbed your legs and pushed them all the way to your chest, forcing your back to curl. You saw him gather the saliva in his mouth, but it wasn’t until he spat directly onto your pussy that you understood why. You winced with a disgusted sort of humiliation, trying to wriggle away when he pushed the saliva directly into you with two fingers, mixing it with your own arousal.

“Why did you do that?” you asked, your face hot.

Buggy lowered your legs, smirking instead of answering. You covered your flushing cheeks with both hands to hide your embarrassment. At least Buggy didn’t draw out your humiliation, pulling you down to line up the head of his dick with your pussy. You gasped at the feeling, bracing yourself before trying to relax, fighting your body’s instinct to protect itself.

It took a few targeted thrusts to make it catch, and then some effort to force the head past the initial resistance, but as soon as the head popped in, he groaned, practically falling on top of you. “God, you’re tight. Frankly, it’s a little shocking I can get it in at all,” Buggy said in a strained voice, slowly pushing his cock into you with shallow, rocking thrusts.

You were glad he pressed his face into the pillow rather than look at you because it did hurt, even if he rolled his hips in little bursts, slowly easing you into it. You made a little sound in the back of your throat, pulling your legs up to make it easier, trying to relax. Buggy’s breath hitched as he pulled out, and then back in. Slow and gentle.

There was still the part of your mind that wanted to play the martyr. To shut it all out, to take no pleasure in what you knew was wrong. The lapping tide of intoxication threatened to pull you back under into the heavy waves of misty bliss, your body too worn out and mind too frayed to properly fight your reaction. And if you weren’t turned on by the physical stimulation of his cock grinding into you, entering in a way that made your hips jump and pussy spasm around him, then it would be because of the feeling of Buggy’s body above yours. The way the muscles of his back worked and moved with each thrust, the sounds he made. His sounds of pleasure—pleasure because of you.

Even if it hurt and it was wrong and even if you hated yourself for it, you couldn’t help but feel the tightening in your core, the trembling sort of heat that made you writhe beneath him, your hips restlessly tilting to meet each lazy, shallow thrust.

Until you heard something from the other room.

You stiffened up, your fingers curling into his shoulders. “Captain, I—I think… I think someone’s knocking,” you said.

“Ignore it,” Buggy told you, his voice labored.

But the knocking didn’t stop, and then you heard the door open. “Captain Buggy?” Cabaji called into the room. “Are you awake?”

You tensed up at that interruption, your cunt unintentionally squeezing his cock. In response, Buggy’s fingers dug painfully into your thigh, his groan muffled into the pillow. You pushed at him, panicking, but he didn’t budge. Finally, he lifted his head and braced himself on his elbow, looking annoyed.

“What do you want?” Buggy shouted, his grip on you just as tight, his cock remaining halfway inside of you.

“Mohji took command of the other ship, but it’s damaged.” Footsteps from the other room made you think Cabaji was coming closer, and you pushed more insistently at Buggy, disgusted fear of being seen like this seizing your chest. “He’s taking it to the nearest island, should we follow?”

You tried again to push him off, unable to stand the constant pressure, the way your pussy kept spasming and squeezing him. Buggy made a sound of irritation, pinning you in place with a harsh thrust that buried his cock deep enough for his skin to slap against your own, eliciting a shrill yelp you didn’t muffle in time. The footsteps stopped. There was absolutely no way to misinterpret what just happened, but you didn’t care as much compared to the discomfort, to the weight of him inside of you.

“I need to finish this up first,” Buggy said, his voice hoarse with strain. “Get my breakfast, I’ll meet you up there…” He looked down at you, licking his lips. “As soon as I’m done.”

“Yes, of course, sir,” Cabaji said, quickly retreating.

The second the door closed, Buggy was laughing. “You did all this whining about how you’re sore, but got too impatient to even wait for Cabaji to leave.”

“That was you!”

“Nuh-uh, that was aaaall your fault,” Buggy said, rolling his hips experimentally. Your body jerked anxiously, your pussy spasming around his dick. The raw ripping sort of sensation wasn’t made better by the fresh wave of arousal that smoothed out his movements. “Don’t get too upset, the sound you made was so squeaky and pathetic he might have mistaken it for something else.”

You whined helplessly, your back arching and nails digging into his shoulders.

“That’s exactly my point. Squeaky hinges, rats in the walls… Ship stuff,” Buggy said, the last word coming out with a heavy grunt as he dragged you back into place, his hips meeting you halfway so he could slam his cock into you. Your fingernails dug into his shoulders, but all that did was make Buggy moan.

“Captain Buggy, please, it hurts.”

“If you hadn’t wasted so much time earlier complaining, we’d already be done,” he told you. “Just hold on, honeybuns. I’ll make it up to you later.”

Nothing. And then awareness. And then confusion as a million memories played out all at once, none of them quite right, none of them truly belonging to you. But the state of unconsciousness was familiar in its own way, recognition of its daze independent of your own understanding. That is to say that, at this point, you were familiar with what it felt like to wake up after passing out, unpleasant as it was.

“Don’t panic,” somebody said, the words slowly filtering through your brain until you could comprehend them, reality slotting into place. “You fainted, but you’re alright.”

Your eye fluttered open, slowly focusing on the face above you.

“Crina?”

“Good morning,” she said with a wry smile.

You grunted, getting your elbows beneath yourself to sit up. It wasn’t surprising to realize that you were in her clinic. The smell would have given it away, followed up directly by the uncomfortable surface of the table bed you were laying on.

“Do you remember what happened?” she asked.

Groaning, you laid back down. “I was…” You rubbed your eye, trying to shake your head clear of the fog.

“You collapsed in the passageway,” she prompted. “You were nearly trampled.”

That’s right, you had been looking for a quiet place to be alone because you were very upset. Very, very upset. After everything, every little awful thing, it was the realization that Pippa had left with the other ship that set you off fully. Already you could feel the rising tide of breathless despair as it all hit you again.

“Rest,” Crina told you.

“I’m okay,” you said, gritting your teeth and getting an arm beneath yourself. Moving immediately disproved your reassurance, the painful spinning of your head nearly knocking you right back down. Soreness throbbed between your legs, like you’d pulled a muscle you weren’t even aware of. The drug from last night lingered like smoke in your thoughts. In addition to the bruise on your cheek, your spine ached in several places from hitting the deck when the man dropped you. Separately, any one of those things would have left you weak. It was no wonder you fainted. “I just got really dizzy and…” You shook your head, although that did nothing to dislodge the cottony confusion that laid behind your temple, or to pierce the bubble of tumultuous emotion swelling in your chest. “I’m fine.”

“Did you drink last night?”

“No, no I…” You breathed in, trying to sort your thoughts. “I was, um, upset and so Captain Buggy gave me… I think it-it was an opiate, like my dad used to give me. Just so I could calm down. He was helping me, and I wanted it, but today it feels like… Like having a hangover, but heavier. I didn’t sleep much either, so that’s probably why I… I’m tired is all.”

“This should still help,” Crina told you, holding out a cup of water.

You eyed it warily, your stomach churning at the idea of accepting anything. “No, thank you.”

Her lips pursed, but she set it aside, returning to her workbench. Various vials and herbs littered the surface. It looked like she was preparing something that smelled very strongly of antiseptic, but also other things. Crina’s medicine was never as astringently assaulting as the types your dad used. The water she had boiling—boiling bandages, perhaps?—had a comfortable sound, warming the room.

“What are you doing?” you asked her, grasping for something to ground yourself.

“My job,” she responded wryly. “Pirates fight recklessly, even an overwhelming victory means wounds to tend.”

You nodded.

“My first medical training was as a midwife,” Crina suddenly said, grabbing a fresh cutting board and quickly chopping up what you recognized as ginger. “My mother taught me, and her mother taught her. I helped deliver several babies before I was old enough to conceive one myself.”

In so many ways, Crina was an enigma to you. Hearing her volunteer personal information so randomly, so abruptly caught you off guard. “A hospital hired you when you were a kid?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing.

“No hospital,” she said with a trace of amusement at the idea, setting aside the knife and sweeping the chopped spice into a kettle which quickly replaced the pot on the stove. “Our community was small and poor. Even if we could afford doctors, we couldn’t trust strangers to safely care for our mothers, daughters, and sisters—and we certainly couldn’t trust them with our babies.”

“Why did you become a pirate?”

“I had few other options,” Crina said, crushing up an herb in a mortar and pestle. “I left my village and sought education as a surgeon when I was old enough to do so, but the medical community thought I was… difficult, to say the least.” She smiled to herself. “It was a mutual feeling. So stuck on the rigid path of modernity that they reject anything they deem to be outdated. I left school with the proper training and debt, but none of the credentials.”

“Why didn’t you go back to your village?”

“There wasn’t much to go back to,” Crina said brusquely. “Poverty is as wicked as any plague.”

“I’m so sorry,” you told her.

“I do not mourn what was, I can only be grateful for what I was given,” Crina said, washing the herbs with a liquid to continue mixing. By now, the smell of ginger was getting quite strong. Warm and spicy and alluring. “I believe my upbringing is why I can handle the brutality of this position better than most. I’ve known many men who will readily amputate a crushed limb or set a bone that has broken skin, but balk at the miracle of childbirth. So eager to impregnate, but unable to face the consequences. To them, a woman’s health is unsympathetic. They will never experience the things we must, so they do not care.”

“That’s not true,” you said.

“Really? You more than anyone should know the truth of it. Your father was not interested in your health, only your dependence. Captain Buggy is not interested in your health, only your service.” Crina looked at you, her smokey dark eyes cutting past any defenses you might have been able to put up. “Can you deny that?”

“I…” You were saved from answering by the squealing kettle, your body jumping in panic at the sudden noise.

Crina took the kettle off the heat, leaving it to sit. “Women must look out for one another. I think, so far, you’ve taken my questions as accusations and mistrust my aid for fear of mistreatment, but I do want to help you. If not for personal reasons, then because I would risk Captain Buggy’s ire if I were to allow anything to happen to you for my negligence. Do you understand?”

You swallowed hard, nodding.

“We need to talk about what happened last night.”

“Nothing,” you answered quickly, bristling. “Nothing happened.”

“I’ve been honest with you, I would appreciate it if you didn’t insult me by lying,” Crina said.

You met her eye, guilt swelling in your chest. “Captain Buggy and I… We… We slept together.”

“Did he force you to have sex with him?”

“No! Captain Buggy would never, ever do that,” you told her quickly, shocked by the question.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, he wouldn’t.” You looked down, biting your lip. “It-it’s normal to be sore after, isn’t it?”

Crina pursed her lips. “Did you notice any blood?”

Last night—and even in the morning—you hadn’t been aware of any blood. Everything was so coated with other bodily fluids that you wouldn’t have noticed. But earlier, when you were changing your clothes, you dropped your shorts and saw the mess of cum that had slowly oozed out of you after you left Captain Buggy’s cabin. It wasn’t the normal milky color, but a sickly pink. Dyed by your blood. Since the color was so mild, you didn’t think it was a lot of blood, but the quantity didn’t matter. Pure, clean girls didn’t bleed. And there you stood with a man’s cum and your own blood staining your panties, the reality of what you had done setting in fully.

“Yeah,” you admitted, your voice choked.

“Was there enough to be worrisome? ”

“No, there wasn’t that much.” But the amount didn’t matter. Pure, clean girls didn’t bleed.

“What was happening before you fainted?”

“I-I started to—to… I couldn’t breathe,” you said haltingly. “It’s hard to think and my head aches and I’m… tired.”

Ruined, you were ruined. And although everybody was too busy to pay you any mind today—the ship was a flurry of activity after the raid—they would all know soon enough. It was easier to bear the whispers about you and Captain Buggy when you knew it was untrue, but now it wasn’t. Now you were exactly what they said you were. Then you had to think about what happened last night with the man, and your dad, and the entire mess only got worse.

“I don’t know what to do,” you admitted, speaking softly to keep your voice from cracking.

“Right now, you’re going to drink this,” Crina said. She poured two cups of ginger tea, filling the room with its spicy scent. She added a spoonful of powder and forced the cup into your hand. “It will help.”

“What’s in it?” you asked weakly.

“Ginger, turmeric, and something to help your head.”

The steam washed over your face, and that alone was a comfort. Although it was hot, you took a sip. And another.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I-I just… I didn’t think,” you told her after a bit, your voice weak. “I don’t get why…”

Your statement was met with a solid block of silence. For a moment, you thought that she wouldn’t say anything at all. “Think about your situation,” Crina told you. “You have few skills, very little practical value to him other than what could be provided by any other member of the crew. You are here because Captain Buggy enjoys having a toy to play with. Do you think it’s a coincidence that he never uses your name? That he calls you his babydoll?”

“He never said anything about…about any of that,” you argued. “I thought he wanted me to-to be like… like I was for-” You cut yourself off before finishing that thought. Saying it out loud now, after everything, made a plethora of disturbing implications, but it was the innocent truth, and something to cling to now that your ignorance had come back around to bite you.

“Your father?” Crina finished for you. “Is that how you see the captain?”

You wondered what she was thinking, what conclusions she might draw, but you were too afraid to look up and check her expression. You sniffled, taking another drink. The hot spicy mixture of flavors was a balm to your sour, cold insides. If only your mind was as easy to placate.

“I’m going to have to insist on a comprehensive physical exam,” Crina told you. “I need to know if he hurt you more than you’re letting on, and how your father interrupted your menstrual cycle. The methods of preventing it can significantly interfere with your sexual health.”

For a long time, you didn’t say anything. You knew what she meant, and your insides cringed at the very idea, but you didn’t see a way out of it either. Looking up at Crina, she met your eye openly. Stern, a little intimidating, but not cruel. There were so many reasons you were going to hate yourself anyway, what did this matter?

“Okay.”

The ship was the busiest you had ever seen. Most of the loot had been left on the other ship for Mohji to take it to the nearest island to sell, but there was enough left that needed to be cataloged, organized, cleaned, and repaired. Nobody was looking at you. You told yourself that over and over and over again as you looked for Captain Buggy.

Although Pippa was gone, she’d given you enough to piece together an outfit without her assistance, and Crina had helped you style your hair after she finished her examination. She said that it would help. That it would feel better if you acted like nothing had changed. That you didn’t need to make a big deal out of it. The flowy dress didn’t help you feel much better. Of the things Pippa had lent you, it covered the most skin, but you couldn’t help but cringe at the excessively girlish frills and flow of the fabric as the breeze caught the hems, exposing the bloomers you wore underneath.

“Hey there, girly,” somebody called, his voice raised above the wind. You squinted at the speaker, your shoulders untensing when you saw it was Marty. You trotted over to him, relieved to see a friendly face.

“I was worried you’d gone with Pippa,” you said.

He shot you a smile, finishing tying the knot and moving the secure the next. “Nah, Captain Buggy can’t spare me.”

“What are you doing?”

“Getting a boat ready. The captain mentioned sending a pair of guys to town. Guess there were some things Mr. Mohji forgot.”

“Oh,” you hesitated, crossing one foot in front of the other. “Um… Marty?”

“Hm?”

“I think I lost the knife you gave me last night. I’m so sorry.”

“Did’ya stick someone with it?”

“I… yes.”

“Then I don’t want none of your ‘sorrys.’ There are plenty more knives in the world.”

“Then, um… Thank you.”

“That’ll do,” he allowed, finishing the knot. “Oh, Captain Buggy’s at the helm, if you were lookin’ for him.”

“Thank you,” you said. “Thank you, Marty.”

He grinned, touching two fingers to his brow in a jaunty send-off.

You turned towards the quarterdeck, weaving your way around the chaotic crowd.

Buggy stood on the uppermost deck at the helm alongside the helmsman, issuing instructions in his usual manner. He wasn’t wearing his hat or jacket and opted to merely touch up yesterday's makeup rather than redo it entirely.

“Captain Buggy!” you called, but he didn’t hear you. Unsure of how else to get his attention, you ascended the stairs.

Buggy happened glance in your direction, doing a double take. “What are you doing?” he barked.

“I just, um, I… I was wondering if you were going to break for lunch.”

“What?” he asked, his face scrunching.

“I was wondering if you were going to take a break,” you repeated, raising your voice. He seemed to hear you this time, walking around the helmsman to approach. There was no shame to the way he looked you up and down. It felt hungrier than usual, or maybe that was just your discomfort.

“That’s cute,” Buggy told you, grabbing the skirt and pulling you closer. “Though I’m not sure white’s your color anymore.”

Your heart dropped. “Yeah, I-I guess not,” you muttered.

“So what was this about a break? I’m awful busy, kiddo. Some of us have real jobs to do.”

“It’s lunchtime, Captain Buggy.”

“Really?” Buggy asked, raising his eyebrows in shock. “Okay, fine. Take it to my office and wait for me.”

“Yes, sir.”

He turned away to issue orders to the helmsman, and you retraced your steps to go down to the galley. The soreness between your legs wasn’t as noticeable, but you could still sense it. A weight, an understanding. You knew now what it was like to have something inside of you. Fullness, and absence.

The trip up from the kitchen was uneventful. You were getting used to navigating the ship. Everybody was busy, far too busy to bother with you.

Buggy was not in his office when you set up his lunch. You didn’t dare eat without him, so you sat in your chair and folded your hands in your lap and waited.

You stared at the off-white fabric of your dress, rubbing it with your thumb. It reminded you of something you had nearly forgotten—a doll you once had. Her frilly pinafore was made of the same type of fabric. You could remember her perfect round cheeks, her bow-like mouth, and those beautiful, round blue glass eyes. She only had one pink dress, but three pinafores and two pairs of shoes.

Crina said that the sex hadn’t hurt you, that it wasn’t uncommon for there to be some blood. She said that you weren’t fertile right now. She said that, based on her experience with women like you, even if you did become pregnant one day, you likely would not carry a healthy child to term.

The doll’s name had been something silly. You couldn’t remember it. Blossom? Rose? Even though she was a baby, you always called her sister. Your little baby sister. In hindsight, maybe you already understood that you weren’t the motherly type.

Having a child wasn’t a reality you’d ever seriously considered. When you thought of your own mother, you thought of her sitting at the window. Always turned away, always so sad, so sharp. You understood, although you hadn’t when you were a child, that she was an unhappy woman. Hysteria was one of the few things the two of you had in common. Such was the magnitude of her pain that it outlived her—it echoed within you, within her memory. And when you thought about that, it was hard to blame her. It was hard to feel anything other than grief. There were moments, little treasures you kept buried deep within yourself. Even as a young child, you had been sickly. If there was any sort of illness to be caught, you would be the one to catch it. You remembered a long, cold night all alone in your room. It was a cough. The thick, broken glass type that had you hacking up globs of blood and yellow phlegm. And then mom was there. She emerged from the dark like a beautiful angel, petting your sweaty hair and spooning medicine into your mouth and singing a lullaby.

Had the doll been named Cherry? You couldn’t remember what became of her. In all likelihood, she was one of the many girlish things you gave up when dad began taking you along on his ship.

“There was a girl most fair whom I happened to meet

Late in my room one night trading tricks for a treat

I almost turned down this girl so sweet

Because, as you see, she was quite petite-”

The door into Buggy’s office opened behind you, his raucous singing getting louder. You were only half listening, coming out of your daze as if waking up.

“Even with some spit

I worried that something might split

But it turned out to be a perfect fit—

“Oh, hey there, babydoll,” Buggy said as he passed you to sit down. “What’dya think of my new song?”

You blinked, sitting up and focusing on him. “It was good, Captain Buggy.”

“Yeah?” he asked, dropping into his chair. “Sing it back to me then.” You frowned, realizing he was calling your bluff. Buggy sighed dramatically. “You really need to get better at the whole listening thing.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I guess I got a little lost in thought.”

He pulled the lid off his tray to immediately start eating. “What were you thinkin’ about?”

“I was… Um… Nothing important, sir,” you said. Although you weren’t very hungry—your stomach lingered on the verge of unsettled and outright angry—you started eating too.

“It’s embarrassing, isn’t it,” Buggy said with a lopsided smile, an interesting expression when his cheeks were stuffed full.

“No! Not… not really.”

“There’s no point in hiding it,” Buggy said. “There’s nothing I didn’t see last night.”

“It’s not like that,” you insisted, flushing hotly. “But it is silly, I was just thinking about stuff from when I was a kid.” You shrugged, shoving a spoonful of stew into your mouth.

Buggy pulled a face. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I just remembered something.”

You could read the disinterest on his face, so you dropped it, focusing on eating. You had to force yourself, methodically taking bites while you contemplated how you were going to tell him about last night, and how you would answer his questions. It was inevitable that you would have to reveal how you lied to him, and the thought alone was enough to make you queasy, your hands shaking and slick with a cold sweat.

“Captain Buggy? I was wondering if-if we could talk?” you said when he was more or less finished. Almost immediately, you regretted speaking, backing down. “But, um, I know you’re busy today so if you can’t spare the time right now, that’s fine, I just-”

“Spit it out,” Buggy said impatiently, cutting you off.

You looked up and met his eye and felt all of your fragile confidence shatter.

“Why do you never use my name?” you asked instead. “My-my real name, I mean.”

“Your real name?” Buggy repeated. “You mean the name your shitstain of a dad gave you?” He let that incredulous question linger as if baiting you to say yes. Eventually, you nodded timidly. “That’s not you. That’s the girl you used to be. She was pathetic and sad. I don’t want her.” His eyes tracked you up and down, softening his expression. “I want my babydoll. Besides, it suits you way better.” He considered that for a second. “Maybe that should be your thing—an animated doll who desperately longs to be a real girl.”

“If that’s what you… what you think is best,” you said, the words somewhat distant. You weren’t sure what to think, how to feel about his explanation.

“Come over here,” Buggy said after a moment, pushing out from his desk and motioning you towards him. You looked up, the question ‘why’ already formed on your lips, but that was the wrong response.

So you dutifully stood up, smoothed your skirt, and circled his desk. It seemed so impossible that you had been in the same position yesterday, only twenty-four hours ago. Everything was different then, the entire world centered upon a different axis.

Buggy grabbed your hips, tugging you closer. “Are you still sore?” he asked, smirking.

“A little,” you said, squeezing your thighs together. “Crina said that’s not-not unusual.”

“‘Cause you were a virgin?”

You swallowed hard, unable to meet his eye. “Captain Buggy, this is… really embarrassing.”

“Or is it ‘cause you’re so small? That’d explain a lot. I’m still shocked I got it in.” His hand left your hip to press against your abdomen instead, dragging down.

Your insides clenched hard in response, reminding you of the sharp ache and making you gasp. Buggy obviously caught the noise, his eyes flicking back up to your face.

“Shit, that’s hot.”

You froze. “Sir?”

“You’re wearing shorts?” Buggy asked. He didn’t wait for your response, lifting up your skirt to see the bloomers beneath. The sight of them made him scowl, immediately tugging them down to reveal your significantly less cute underwear. He didn’t seem to care, shoving the bloomers down to your ankles while you squirmed, wanting to push him away but knowing you couldn’t.

“Sheesh, calm down,” he told you, letting your skirt fall. “I’m trying to help you out a little.”

“You don’t have to,” you said. “You’re busy and I-I wouldn’t want to, um...”

“It’s not like it’s gonna take very long,” Buggy said. He leaned back into his chair, using his grip on your hips to turn you around and sit you on his lap. You nearly fell over, your ankles tangled in the bloomers. “I bet I can get you off over your panties.”

“You really… You don’t have to,” you said again. Your breathing came out unsteadily and you couldn’t stop squirming around, unable to get comfortable.

“Pay attention, Professor Buggy’s gonna teach you how to make yourself come,” he said, looking at you over your shoulder, his nose brushing your cheek when he turned his head. You couldn’t meet his eyes, but you didn’t want to look down at his hands, so you just squeezed your eye shut.

“Captain Buggy, I… I don’t need to know… I’m fine.”

“Your fingers are way too small to fuck yourself with, but that’s okay,” Buggy said, tightening his hold around your waist, keeping you in place while his other hand crawled beneath your dress, the fabric of his gloves rough against your skin. When you tried to press your thighs together to stop him, Buggy hooked your ankles with his own, prying your legs open. He laughed at your helpless whimper.

When his hand reached your clothed pussy, you jolted with the little strike of electricity. The way your inner walls squeezed around nothing hurt, but there was more to the feeling. You wanted to hide, to escape, but there was nowhere to go.

“You know, it’s weird,” Buggy said, sliding his gloved fingers up and down, pushing the fabric of your panties between your folds, pushing his way in between to focus on your clit, “usually I wouldn’t go for this sort of thing, but the way you react is so funny. Most people have an instinctive take on how they’re supposed to act, but here you are. Somebody’d think I was torturing you even though it’s obvious you fuckin’ love it. You know what it reeks of, sweetheart? Other than fish, I mean.”

You weren’t sure if he was looking for an answer or not, but even if you had one, it would have fled your mind the second he began to put more pressure against your clit. Blood rushed between your legs and the more your clit swelled beneath his touch, the more targeted he was.

“Damage,” Buggy supplied for you. “A whole lot of it.”

“Captain Buggy, please,” you begged. You didn’t know what you were asking for, just that those were the only words you could think to say when he had your body immobilized, when you couldn’t stop your hips from tilting up for him, your hands seeking purchase in the fabric of your skirt as the only anchor.

“You’re so pathetic.” When Buggy pulled his hand out from between your legs, you mourned the loss, letting out a broken whimper. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I wouldn’t leave you hanging before the finale,” he reassured you, his voice dripping condescension.

You opened your eye just in time to watch him spit onto his fingers, leaning forward a bit so he could wipe it on your panties—directly above your clit. Your groan of disgust became a helpless moan as he rubbed it in. The wetness added just the right amount of give to the friction, you could feel your thighs tremble, your entire body surging up into the pleasure.

“‘m ss-sorry,” you said, embarrassed by your reaction. He needed to stop, you could only imagine how stupid you looked, writhing on his lap. But you couldn’t help it, not when he was touching you like this.

“You are sorry,” Buggy told you, his voice a little lower, a little huskier. “What kind of girl gets off on this shit? It’s like you’re a masochist but backwards. The better it feels, the more you act like it hurts. I swear, honey buns, you’re a brand new type of freak.”

“No, Captain Buggy,” you said, your voice mostly just breath. “That’s not… I’m not like… Please, it’s… I’m… pleasepleaseplease—I-I-” And then you couldn’t speak anymore, that required too much brain power, the only thing you could do was strain towards your approaching orgasm, towards the heat building in your core, that forbidden and intoxicating wind of tension.

“Come on,” he urged. His stubble scraped against your cheek, and then your neck when your head fell back against his shoulder. You could smell him. The details changed, but there was the fundamental musky warm smell that you remembered so clearly from the first time he held you and it threaded through your entire body like poison.

Coming with his fingers slamming into you had been a heavy, wet feeling. Something snapping, breaking, a little flood of heat that rushed through your body in waves. This was a dry spark, a flash and fizzle. You yelped abruptly, your body jerking forward, kept in place only by the iron bar of his arm across your waist. And then it diffused outwards, ending in your fingertips and toes, at the very top of your spine.

“That was it, wasn’t it?” Buggy asked, his fingers slowing their torturous circles.

You swallowed against your dry throat, nodding, trying to catch your breath. The dizziness from that morning had returned in full force, the world rocked with it. Buggy stopped, pressing his entire palm against the seat of your panties instead, soothing you with the warm, generalized friction.

“I figured. It’s pretty easy to tell with you. I mean, you’re so goddamn dramatic about it.”

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, awkward and spinning and sweaty and disgusted and a million other things that culminated in the bite of tears in the corner of your eye.

“Aw, are you embarrassed?” Buggy asked, playfully pinching your cheek with the fingers he’d just used to get you off. You frowned, turning your face away so he couldn’t see your expression.

He huffed, grabbing your chin to force your face towards his. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, you could barely bear to meet his eyes at all. Finally, Buggy released you, pushing you off of his lap. You nearly tripped, steadying yourself on the edge of his desk.

“Go change your panties,” he said flippantly, waving his hand. “We’ll work on this,” he gestured vaguely to you, “later.”

You didn’t really know what that meant, but you nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“What are you doing?”

Those words drew you out of your tired daze. You had been sitting in an out of the way corner in a passageway to the officer’s mess. It was just a small break, you didn’t want to faint again. You blinked your eye clear, shaking your head of the gauze as you looked up at Cabaji.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?” Cabaji asked again.

“Oh, I… I got a little dizzy so I…” You frowned. “Sorry, I heard the bell, I was about to head up.”

“The bell?” Cabaji repeated. “That was an hour ago.”

“Oh.”

“Captain Buggy needs you.”

Those words made your heart drop. You had no idea how you had lost so much time, but you doubted Buggy would accept any excuse you could give. Not only that, but the idea of seeing Buggy after what happened at lunch filled you with an absurd amount of anxiety. It wasn’t him, it was you. There had to have been some other way for you to handle it, but instead you played the role of a whore. You were disgusting, and when you thought about it you simply didn’t understand why. The person you thought you were wouldn’t have done anything like that, and yet you did.

But that was you.

Getting to your feet was a difficult process, especially when you were trying to hide your fatigue and pain from Cabaji. Which was stupid, you weren’t going to fool him. You were glad he didn’t make a point of your weakness by offering you a hand.

“Where is he?” you asked.

“I’ll go with you,” Cabaji said.

“You-you don’t need to.”

“Come on, Captain Buggy doesn’t like waiting.”

You hesitated, nervous to be around him, but there was no reason you could think of to reject Cabaji’s company either. Embarrassment about what he may or may not have heard that morning wasn’t his fault.

As the two of you traversed the narrow passageway to the ladder, you tried to peek at his face and determine what he was thinking. Which was kind of impossible. He let you go up the ladder first, probably because he was worried you would fall, and so you stood there for a moment in the blinding sunlight. Sitting in the dark had done nothing to help you handle the heavy, hangover-like dizziness.

“Are you okay?” Cabaji asked. You hadn’t realized he was beside you.

“Yeah, of course,” you said, squinting at him. He nodded.

“He said to meet him in his office,” he said, motioning for you to go first. You didn’t fall, although you stumbled on the first step to the quarter deck. It was a relief to walk into the shaded map room, even if it rendered you blind all over again. The door into Buggy’s office was open, but the captain wasn’t there.

You didn’t want to think about what happened in the empty chair only hours before, so you focused on your stoic companion. He saved your life last night. He deserved at least a thank you. There wasn’t much else that you could offer him.

“Cabaji?” you said.

“Yes?”

“I wanted to… to thank you.”

“What?”

“For last night, you...” Taking a heavy breath, you reached out to grab his hand, holding it in both of yours. “Thank you, Cabaji.”

Cabaji looked more than a little bewildered, although not offended. “I was following Captain Buggy’s orders, there’s no need for you to be grateful.”

“But I am. If there’s ever anything I can do for you, I-” The door opened. Startled, you dropped Cabaji’s hand, taking a step away.

“There she is!” Buggy called as he stalked in. “Kept me waiting long enough.”

“I’m sorry, Captain Buggy,” you said, bowing your head. “What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping you could help me understand something,” Buggy said. You could immediately tell by his tone that something was wrong with the situation. All of the sudden, Cabaji’s inclusion felt more confrontational than comforting.

“Sir?” you asked, tugging down your bandana and trying not to fidget.

“Earlier,” Buggy said, taking slow, measured steps in your direction, “Cabaji was telling me an interesting story. It involved a strange man attempting to make off with a very,” he stopped in front of you, dropping a heavy hand on your shoulder. The cold smile he fixed you with left you without any air in your lungs—you wanted to disappear. “Special member of my crew.” Squeezing your shoulder once, Buggy released you, turning to pace the length of the room. “The thing is, he only knows part of it. I was hoping you could fill in the blanks.”

“Captain Buggy, I-I was going to tell you,” you said.

“Oh, were you?” Buggy asked, turning around to look at you with round eyes, his expression mockingly curious. “When was that, exactly?”

“I just… I didn’t know how to explain it.”

Buggy wagged his finger at you. “That’s the problem, sweetheart. Truth is self-evident, there shouldn’t be any need for explanation if you’re being honest.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” you said, desperate to think of a way to smooth this over. “I just didn’t want you to think-”

“You wanna know what I think?” Buggy asked, cutting you off. “I think you’re hiding something.”

“No, I’m not, I swear,” you told him, clasping your hands together over your chest. “There was a man last night who… He tried to take me, but I managed to escape when he got to the upper deck, and Cabaji killed him.”

“You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

“My-my dad sent him to get me, that’s what he said,” you told him, the words smearing together from your nerves. “He said he was getting paid for it. He-he thought I was your prisoner.”

Buggy looked at you for a long moment, considering your words. And then he burst out laughing. “That’s what you’re going with?” he asked. “If you’re gonna lie, at least try to make it sound believable.”

“That’s the truth,” you said, your voice rising into a whine with your desperation to make him believe you.

This time, Buggy didn’t laugh. “You expect me to believe that, by complete coincidence, we happened to attack the one ship that had a man who was hired to rescue you? Do you have any idea how big the East Blue is? No? You’re about to see for yourself when I toss you overboard and sail away.”

“I think it’s the map,” you said, your voice choked. “You’re following the stolen map, aren’t you? My dad was the one who charted the new trade route. That map is his.”

You could tell the exact moment that Buggy understood what you were saying, his gaze agonizingly intense when it fixed on you. “You said that map and the journal belong to a retired Marine.”

You nodded meekly. “That’s m-my dad.”

“So you lied to me. After everything I’ve done for you, you lied to me.”

“I was scared you wouldn’t take me if you knew my dad was a Marine, and… He has a-a lot of enemies from back then, he was pretty well-known, and so I thought that maybe you’d see me as-as a liability. I was… I was afraid, Captain Buggy. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re makin’ him sound like a big deal.”

“He… I mean, he was… People knew who he was.”

Buggy rolled his eyes. “I bet I haven’t even heard of him.”

“They used to call him the Surgeon.”

The name caught both men’s attention, you could feel the zip of tension in the air, but neither said anything until, finally, “Bullshit,” Buggy said.

“It’s the truth. When he retired, he stopped using that name and tried to-to distance himself from it. He said that if people knew, they would hurt me because of him. My mom and me… That happened because so many people hate him. That’s why I-I lied to you, and I’m so sorry. I was scared that if you knew, you wouldn’t let me join your crew.”

Buggy let out a bark-like laugh. “Sweetheart, if I knew you were the Surgeon’s daughter I would have dragged you onto this ship. I’d say you’re worth your weight in gold, but it’s more like double, no, triple that.” He shook his head. “What do you think someone would pay to get their hands on the Surgeon’s pretty little daughter? Shit, what would he pay to get back his daughter and keep his dope operation a secret? That is his, by the way, right?”

“The map and the journal are his, but I never-never knew about that… stuff.”

Buggy accepted that, nodding as he continued to pace. After a painfully long moment, he shook his head. “No, that still doesn’t explain the guy last night.”

“Captain Buggy?” Cabaji cut in.

“What?”

“It’s possible that the Surgeon sent around a description of the girl to ships in the area. We can assume that he knows we were the ones to take her.”

“You’re saying there’s a merc on every ship in the area looking to rescue a one-eyed midget girl?” Buggy asked incredulously. “No way. How could he possibly know we’d follow his stupid map? Unless…” Buggy looked at you. “Unless his adoring daughter has been reporting back to him.”

“I wouldn’t, Captain Buggy. I-I swore myself to you. Just you.”

“And assuming he knows we’re in the area,” Buggy continued, ignoring you, “why wouldn’t he call the Marines to rescue his precious princess? This place should be crawling with them.”

“Unless he was hoping to do this quietly,” Cabaji said. “Alerting the Marines would put his criminal endeavors at risk of being discovered.”

Buggy didn’t respond to that, staring hard at Cabaji for a second before returning to pacing. After one agonizingly slow lap, he turned on his heel towards you. “There’s no way you’re the Surgeon’s daughter. I saw the guy a couple of times, he looked like his mom fucked herself with the ugly stick while he was still hanging out in there. You’re…” he gestured to you, shrugging, “I mean, the eye thing aside, you’re cute.”

You shrunk away, looking at the floor.

Buggy walked to his desk and leaned over it, his hands flat on the surface. For a second, there was quiet, and then he made a sound like a growl. “Get out.”

“I’m so sorry, Captain Buggy,” you said, bowing your head in contrition before going to follow Cabaji out of his office.

“No, no, no. Not you, princess,” Buggy snapped.

You stopped, your heart racing frantically as you watched Cabaji shut the door behind himself.

“What was that with you and Cabaji before?” Buggy asked.

You slowly turned to face him, your apologies and explanations all fizzling out on your tongue at the abrupt lurch of topic. “Uhm… what?”

“I asked,” Buggy said, speaking slowly, emphatically, “what was that with you and Cabaji when I walked in? It’s pretty shameless of you to throw yourself at him after he heard you moaning this morning. Do you think he’ll buy the whole innocent act if you bat your eyelashes enough? I don’t think it’ll work as good with just one eye.”

“I was thanking him,” you said, your voice faint. The anger Buggy had now was different than before, but you didn’t know how to qualify that. There was a petulant edge to it. Not as incendiary, but far more nasty. “He saved me last night.”

“Oh, I get it,” Buggy said, nodding with a little smile. “You think he cares about you. That’s cute.” The smile dropped, his eyes cold. He pushed away from his desk to approach you. “Grow up. Cabaji is my subordinate.” He pointed to himself with the word, his voice slowly getting louder. “The only reason he saved you was because I wanted him to. The only person you should be grateful for is me.”

“I am grateful for you, Captain Buggy,” you told him, shying away with each of his heavy steps. Rather than placating Buggy, your words seemed to rile him further.

“Liar,” he shouted in your face, loud enough to make you flinch back with a whimper, bracing yourself for a blow that didn’t come. “Do you really think that you can make a fool of me? On my ship, in my office. I know there’s something going on with you. You asked him to teach you to fight, and I’ve seen the way you watch his tricks. All wide eyed and ‘oh Cabaji you’re so cool, can you teach me to do that.’”

“I don’t mean it like that,” you insisted.

“Are you trying to tell me that it's all in my head? Is that it?”

“No, sir.”

“If anything, you’re the delusional one for thinking he’d actually care about you,” Buggy said, getting in your face to emphasize his point. “I get it now. Pops was right about you being crazy, wasn’t he?”

When you didn’t respond, Buggy shook his head and turned around again, muttering under his breath. The sound was drowned out by the thumping of your heart, the whir of blood rushing through your ears. You wanted to apologize, or argue, or try to defend yourself, or anything, but you didn’t.

“Okay,” Buggy said after what felt like hours. When he turned around, his expression wasn’t nearly as animated. He pressed his hands together, tapping his index fingers to his lips as he thought. “I’m sending a boat to meet up with Mohji at the nearest island, and you’re,” he pointed at you, “gonna be on it.”

You were already shaking your head by the time you realized what he was saying. “Captain Buggy, please don’t make me go,” you begged, your chest clenching painfully at the thought of going anywhere without him. “I can still do my job. I’ll do anything, just please don’t make me go.”

He looked at you flatly, anger simmering in his eyes. “Not a chance. Consider this a demotion, kiddo. Right now, you’re worth a lot more as a hostage than you are here being a pain in the ass.”

#opla buggy #opla buggy x reader #buggy x reader #one piece live action #buggy the clown #buggy the clown x reader #my writing #flashbang #tw.dubcon #not sfw #the gifs are barely related i just want everyone to see his pretty face lmao

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eddievanhammettmunson · 2 years ago

Text

Land of Infinite Wonder

Arbors note- I got inspired while listening to Light My Love by Greta Van fleet. You should give it a listen.

Warnings- fluff, a bit of angst over Eddie’s mom.

Summary- sometimes after a shit day all you need it the one you love.

It had been one of those days. You missed your alarm and ran late, you tripped getting out of bed, traffic was a bitch, everything seemed to move two miles an hour today. You were miserable. You had a shift after school and that was equally as crappy. Customers treated you like shit and you dropped and shattered something and got yelled at by your boss.

After getting home you lay on your bed and stare at your ceiling. You lay there for what feels like hours. You watch the evening turn into the night, as the night falls and gets deeper a debate begins to take hold in your mind. “Do I call him? It’s a school night. I shouldn’t. But he said if I need him. Ugh fuck it”

You grab the phone off the wall and dial Eddie’s number. It rings for a bit when a click happens and an irritated groggy voice answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey Ed’s” you breathe quietly into the receiver.

His voice softens. “Hey sweetheart. Sorry we didn’t see each other much today. Had to work after school.”

“Me to Ed’s.”

“You okay sweets? Why are you callin so late?”

“Do you wanna go on a late night drive with me and then get high and skip school tomorrow?”

“Babe where is this coming from?”

“I had a real shit day Ed’s. I’m tired. I just wanna spend time with you.”

“Okay baby. Whatever you need. You wanna drive or me.”

“I wanna drive. I’ll pick you up outside your trailer in 10.”

You arrive at Eddie’s trailer and he gets in the truck. You reach over and hold his hand as you drive around Hawkins blasting your favorite music. Eventually you drive up to the lake and park down by the seaside. Leaving the music on you grab a pillow and blanket from the back of the truck and you lay down in the back. The two of you get high and then lay down beneath the stars.

Eddie wraps around you as a big spoons. Tucking his head into your neck he just listened as you hummed along to your favorite song with his hands around your waist. Eventually at your favorite part you begin to sing.

“Your mind is a stream of colors

Extending beyond our sky

A land of infinite wonders

A billion lightyears from here now”

You stop singing and start stroking the arms wrapped around your waist.

“This song reminds me of you Ed’s.”

“What?”

“The song. It reminds me of you.”

“Why?”

“Well I think your mind is beautiful Eddie. It makes my life so much brighter. I’m grateful to have you in my life Eddie. Thank you for this tonight. I really needed this.”

You hear Eddie sniffle behind you.

“I love you sweets”

“I love you too Eddie.”

He squeezes you into him and gives you a peck on the shoulder.

“Dance with me sweets”

“What?”

“Come on dance with me.”

Eddie stands from the back of the truck and pulls you with him. He begins to waltz to the song. One could debate on whether or not it was a song you could dance to but it didn’t matter he made it work.

“Wow Eddie I didn’t know you could dance.”

“My mom and I used to dance all the time. She loved to dance.”

“I wish I could have met your mom.”

“I wish you could have too. She would have loved you.” He pulls you into him so your head is resting on his shoulder. He guides the two of you back and forth to the song and every once in awhile he slowly spins you around.

After dancing for awhile he can tell you’re getting tired so he leads you back to the truck and puts you in the passenger seat. He drives you back to his trailer where he helps you get ready for bed and he lays you down and curls up behind you.

He begins to sing Into your ear. You recognize it immediately.

“Your mind is a stream of colors

Extending beyond our sky

A land of infinite wonders

A billion lightyears from here now”

When he finishes the lyrics he leaves a kiss on the top of your head.

“Goodnight sweets.”

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yutafrita · 1 year ago

Text

To Pierce the White Eye- TWO

Preview / One / Two / Three / Four / Fin.

Pairing: Psychic!Jaemin x Reader (She/ her)

Genre: Fantasy, Thriller, soulmates au, angst

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, mentions of catastrophic deadly events

Word Count: 4.9K

Work is inspired by/ based on blue exorcist & vampire knight.

You stretched out, your fists knocking the old headboard. You squint your eyes open, the sunlight seeping in through the thin curtains in Kun and Jungwoo’s spare bedroom. You were grateful that they didn’t have anyone rent the room out this semester, as it allowed you to crash there for the night. Well, you and-

You craned your neck slowly, your eyes widening as you saw Jaemin’s sleeping figure on the bed next to you. His chest rose and fell evenly, in such a deep slumber you almost felt bad for wanting to wake him up.

You were both miserably tired the night before. You got lucky that Jungwoo was up late enough to answer your phone call, and even more lucky that he didn’t ask any additional questions when you mentioned another friend of yours would be there too. The thought of returning to your dorm when Mark, Johnny, and Ten would ask a million questions made you sick- but you also couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.

You needed to leave though, before Kun and Jungwoo woke up and really started digging into you two. You reached a hand across the bed, your hand brushing against Jaemin’s shoulder when your eyesight went white and you collapsed back onto the bed, out cold.

*****

You were in a white room with screens playing all along the circular walls. Confused, you looked down, making eye contact with Jaemin, who laid on the floor on his back, arms tucked under his head.

“Where the fuck am I?” you whimpered, holding yourself and spinning as you looked at all of the screens that made their way to the top of the dome you two somehow found yourselves in.

“Oh, it’s a defense mechanism psychics have. It used to be for when people would try to kill us in our sleep. They would be knocked out and sent to where we psychics go when we sleep,” he explained casually, turning his attention back to looking at the screens. You looked closer, seeing clips of different people, some more grainy than others.

“You’re seeing futures even as you sleep?” you asked, your arms going slack at your side.

“Yeah, just because I’m sleeping doesn’t mean time stops,” he shrugged.

“That’s exhausting.”

“Existence is exhausting,” Jaemin corrected.

You gulped, swallowing your anxiety. You stepped forward, your feet echoing in the space as you focused on one of Jaemin’s visions- one of Mark, your father, and Yuta. The vision was grainy, but you were able to at least make out these three figures for sure- not so much the space they were in. You could tell the conversation was engaging and vibrant by the hand gestures your brother used when he got excited.

The screen next to it was much less grainy, but also much less full of energy. Jaemin sat in the spot Yuta was- in the middle of the couch in your family home with Mark to his side. Your Dad sat off to the side, and you could make out his furrowed brow pointed at the psychic in your home. While there was no sound you could gather from the first video, in this one however, there was a faint broken style of speaking coming through the screen.

“... makes… me smile,” Jaemin’s scrambled voice came through.

“... I’m glad,” your father’s voice was crystal clear- it was as if he too was in Jaemin’s head. The image suddenly cleared and you were able to perfectly make out every part of the screen, and hear the low conversation all three were having together.

“Hey guys!” this voice made you jump, and then the screen went black. It was your voice, you realized.

“I thought you said you couldn’t see me,” you turned back around, seeing that Jaemin now sat up at the center of the room, his eyes trained on you.

“The screen went black, you weren’t there,” he sighed, standing up. “So it’s time to wake up?”

You blinked quickly, reminding yourself as to why you were there in the first place. “Y-yeah.”

******

It had been a week since your stay at Kun and Jungwoo’s. The Vatican arrived at Knight’s Cross on extremely short notice, reinforcing the demon barriers to make sure nothing else would pop up. You had also managed to beg Kun and Jungwoo to not mention to Mark that Jaemin was there after promising that you would take them to dinner at any place of their choice.

The night library was in the same fenced off area where the night dorms were- a single large building stuffed with books that were hundreds and thousands of years old. Despite this there was no librarian- so you sat quietly in the corner with a sticky note of questions and several books cracked open on your single table.

What caused the blue night?

The first question was the one you knew would be the hardest one to find an answer, that is if there even was one. Jaemin explained already that the demons gained possession, but the reason behind it was still unanswered to you.

More info on oligarchy?

It wasn’t so much a question as just a want to better understand. You didn’t want to bother Ten or Jaemin, and you felt embarrassed about not knowing it already. You wanted to better understand the world you were sworn to help, and you wanted to better understand Jaemin.

Jaemin.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to get the psychic out of your mind. Thankfully, it seemed that no night students went into their own library often, so you were able to get some peace for a bit as you did your research.

In order to properly rule the mythic world after the treaty of 202 AD, it was agreed that there would be a changing monarchy, hereby dubbed the oligarchy. It would comprise no less than five families and no more than ten that will change off its ruler to someone new within them every 750 years or until the current ruler dies. There can be no more than two of the same species in the oligarchy.

The order shall proceed as follows with the founding oligarchy families and their respective species: Faerie Lee’s, Vampire Nakamoto’s, Shifter Kim’s, Vampire Lee’s, and Psychic Na’s.

You scribbled down the names of the families, your eyebrows raising in surprise to see that Ten’s family was here.

“Hm, the Oligarchy history book,” this voice immediately called your eyes up and you froze. The crowned prince smiled awkwardly, gesturing to the open seat, “mind if I take a seat?”

“Yeah… is this book, like, common or something?” you asked as he now sat across from you. He set a few books down on the table, thinking for a moment before he nodded.

“We get taught using that book in like the sixth grade. What is it you're looking for? It’s likely that the version you have is out of date,” he offered, making it obvious that he too was trying to prod at your business.

“Well, I think I should have some background on the mythic government and affairs,” you offered.

“Interesting that your father didn’t teach you about the oligarchy.”

“I’m an adult- I can figure things out without my Dad.”

“I’m an adult too, and there’s still somethings I can’t quite piece together on my own, like-,” Yuta studied your blank expression before he continued, “why did Jaemin reek of you the other morning after he snuck out?”

Your face fully paled, and you knew the vampire could hear your heart jump into your throat, “it’s not what you-.”

He started laughing, cutting you off as his laughter echoed throughout the space of the library.

“The only other person who could tell is Ten- your secret is safe with me,” Yuta winked, and you furrowed your brow fully ready to defend yourself until a breeze whipped past you. You saw the small sticky note you wrote your questions on now in Yuta’s hand.

He whistled, “that first one is a heavy question.”

“Is there a heavy answer?”

“Shit, if I knew…” a smile passed his face before he pushed it away, swallowing loudly before shaking his head, “we don’t know why all of those demons possessed and killed so many mythics.”

“There has to be a reason. Demons can’t just… climb to the surface without any help and any purpose… I think,” you muttered, your pencil tapping the table as you thought it all over. Yuta folded the sticky note, setting it on the book in front of you.

“The blue night changed everything for us. It… took my big brother’s life,” he whispered at the end, you sat up in full attention. “Right now, the ruler of the mythics is the Queen- she’s a Faerie Lee,” he pointed at the name on your textbook, his finger then dragging to the name that followed, “after them, it falls onto the oldest child of the Vampire Nakamoto’s. It was meant to be my brother in every way, but that night… that night took his life.”

“And subsequently gave you the burden of being the future ruler,” you finished, your voice hushed. Yuta sighed, nodding as you began to understand this world. “I’m sorry you lost your brother, Yuta.”

“It’s okay, all I can do is try to make him proud.”

“I’m sure you will,” you affirmed, and he smiled in response. Shortly afterwards, you made the trek to the main building of the University, greeting the person you sat next to in your lecture that day.

“Did you do the homework, Sicheng?” you asked, taking the packet out from your backpack.

“Of course I did. It did take me ages, though,” Sicheng groaned, taking it out from his bag too. Sicheng was more Mark and Jungwoo’s friend than anything, but since this was your second class together, you had gotten more friendly over time. “Maybe one of these days Kun will give us the answers,” he joked.

“I tried, he just tells me to go to his tutoring sessions,” you pouted, seeing your friend at his usual spot at the front of the class. Kun was the TA for the course, so between juggling his Master’s Classes, he was also helping in teaching classrooms of confused students.

“Dang, I guess that means we’ll have to actually learn,” Sicheng tucked his hands behind his head, leaning back on his chair.

“You act like you don’t have a perfect grade in this class,” you scoffed. Sicheng graduated top of your class in high school- it was why everyone was so surprised when he simply elected to go to the closest university despite everyone knowing he got into far more prestigious schools.

“Hm, you’re right,” he was smug, laughing to himself. Class started soon thereafter, Kun collecting the homework and occasionally sharing glances with you two throughout the professor's lecture. The professor spoke in long drones, making it hard to focus, but all you could do was try your best, and hope that the mythics wouldn’t cloud your mind for too long.

“Do you have any plans after class?” you asked Sicheng as you began to pack up.

“Hm, probably just studying and trying to knock out this assignment, you?”

“I have my international studies class, sadly.”

“Oh boy, I took that one last semester. Good luck! I’ll see you next week.”

You omitted the truth a bit when speaking to Sicheng. After International Studies, you and Mark calmly checked the classrooms, noticing that the other had gotten more jumpy with the recent demon attack.

“Kun, Jungwoo, and I will meet you outside of the gate,” you reminded Mark after class. It was time for you to pay up, and the duo somehow found a place open 24 hours not too far out of town.

“Sounds good, see you then!”

While you were going out for a late night bite with friends, Jaemin was holed up in his dorm room with Hendery. The poor shapeshifter had been doing his best to help Jaemin mask any trace of you, but it was still a discussion everyone was having. It was strange for Jaemin to be around anyone that wasn’t his one close companion, let alone to be reeked in the smell of a human.

“Doyoung thinks it might be her,” Hendery admitted. Jaemin was perched on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as his assignments crowded the night stand next to him. Hendery was at his desk chair on the far side of the room, waiting patiently for the psychic to have any sort of response. Jaemin knew Doyoung gave Hendery hell trying to press Hendery to see if his theory was right, and Jaemin hated Doyoung for it.

“Doyoung is a bastard,” Jaemin huffed.

“Yeah, but he’s-.”

“The only shifter to have mastered all twelve forms. I know.”

Hendery sighed at Jaemin’s response, and Jaemin sat up in his bed. Quietly, Jaemin began thinking over the other person who was being pressed these past few days, and his left eye blew out on a grainy vision.

Ten, was on his phone in his dorm with Johnny, but Jaemin couldn’t make out much else.

Jaemin has been frustrated with not being able to see your future as he was always able to. He had taken to looking at the future of your friends to help him get a better gauge, but even that has proven to be difficult.

Jaemin’s eyesight returned, and he stood up, leaving his room and ignoring the small, abnormal groupings of people outside of his room. He maneuvered down the hall, and knocked on the room that Johnny and Ten shared with Shotaro.

Johnny opened the door, raising an eyebrow as Jaemin slinked under his arm and into the room, narrowly avoiding the faeries exposed wings.

“It’s been a week and you still smell of her,” Ten greeted, not looking up from his phone as Jaemin stood next to the vampire's bed.

“What is the smell even like?” Jaemin vocalized, the question slipping out.

“Ash and oak,” Johnny answered, now standing next to Jaemin. “What do you want, Na?”

“Are you trying to be tough with your wings out?” Jaemin raised an eyebrow at the faerie who furrowed his brow in response. Johnny’s wings were a soft lilac, white glitter shimmering off of them as they sat on the tall man’s back.

Jaemin frowned, for the first time feeling insecure about what someone would respond with. He was always prepared for the future- but now, he was on his own. Taking a deep breath, he asked, “What kind of coffee does she like?”

******

Chenle and Jisung were two of the resident’s on your floor of the dorm, this Jaemin already knew.

Jaemin made awkward conversation with them while he stood outside of your dorm room, hoping you would answer his knock as fast as possible. While the day students weren’t allowed anywhere near the night dorms, night students were able to enter these spaces with ease. It helped that the aristocratic mythics tended to want to avoid the humans anyways. This was because the mythics would have to hide parts of themselves that were true to their nature- like how Jaemin was making sure to not look into the future, lest his eye turn white and he scares the two freshmen.

“We’ve never seen you! What’s your major?” Chenle asked as Jisung studied Jaemin. Even in the small glimpses Jaemin had seen of the pair, it was painfully obvious the crush Jisung had on you. It was a small, adorable crush, but a crush that only you were oblivious to.

“Do you guys talk to everyone who knocks on the RA’s dorm?” Jaemin asked, irritated by his lack of perception.

“Some of them,” Jisung muttered as you door opened.

“Hi guys- oh, Jaemin, hi!” you forced a polite smile, trying to hide the surprise on your face with your resident’s right there. Jisung and Chenle didn’t flinch, not taking a hint to move away. “You brought the game, right? Come in!” grabbing Jaemin’s arm, you nearly dragged him into your dorm.

“Did you guys need anything?” you asked the pair, and when they shook their heads, you waved goodbye and shut the door. Jaemin was frozen in the small kitchen area of your studio, afraid to move in your space. “Jaemin? What’s up?”

Jaemin turned back around to face you, and that’s when you finally noticed the two coffee cups in his hands.

“Do you wanna go for a walk?”

You weren’t sure what compelled you to agree, but you threw on a sweater and started along the small path that sliced through the forest of campus, coffee cup warming your hands. It was a Saturday, and the first one in a while that you were awake before three in the afternoon.

It was painfully quiet, not just on campus, but between you and Jaemin. It was hard to think of conversation when you two a few nights ago had passed out on the pull out couch of your friend. Why did you do that? You took a large sip of the coffee to quell your nerves, looking at the browning trees along the path.

“I’m sorry I… I ruined our first encounter. I’ve been… weird, and cryptic, and I’m sorry. I’d like to start again,” Jaemin pushed the words out, and you glanced over to see him struggling. You studied his face as best as you could, trying to not trip as you walked. You looked ahead again, letting out a small chuckle.

“You’re not used to not having the upperhand in conversations, huh?”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t call it an upper hand,” Jaemin sighed, a small laugh falling out.

“We can start over,” you stopped, lifting a pointer finger, “but stop being so fucking ominous all the time.”

“What if my personality is just being ominous?” Jaemin kept a straight face, looking directly into your eyes until the corner of his lip twitched.

“You’re making a joke,” you noted, and he lifted both of his arms in a guilty as charged way. You continued down the path, now comfortable in the space together as you took in the fresh air.

“Before I lost my ability to see your path, I knew you were looking for something,” Jaemin started, “did you find it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“That first edition copy of Breaking Dawn- the one with the added excerpts from a hacker.”

You laughed loudly then. This was true- you had been hunting for this copy of the final Twilight book for a few months now, and the fact that this was a vision the psychic saw and remembered gave you a mixed feeling you couldn’t process. “No, I haven’t had any luck yet.”

“Ah, well, I hope you get your hands on it soon. I’ve been trying to get my hands on a copy of The Adventures of Sly Cooper comic, but I haven’t seen myself getting my hands on one for less than $300,” Jaemin confessed. You two completed the path circuit a few times, talking about video games, collecting, and books for a while. Jaemin was strange, but you liked that about him.

“Have you uh… spoken with Yuta recently?” Jaemin asked suddenly, his cup now hanging empty in his hand as he squeezed it.

You raised an eyebrow at this random inquiry, “No, not for a bit… Why do you ask?”

Jaemin ignored the small extra beat in his chest and tried to swallow the nerves he had built up, “He’s… he’s a nice guy.”

“Oh, you’re friends with him?”

“Um… sure.”

“Well, if he’s your friend, I bet he’s nice then,” you smiled at Jaemin, and he fully swore his heart stopped at that moment. “Are you ever going to tell me, by the way?”

“Tell you what?” Jaemin’s voice came out in a hushed tone, his cheeks growing red in embarrassment.

“Why were you so closely following my future?” you smirked. To you, it felt like an obvious question. While you weren’t necessarily spooked by Jaemin anymore, you were still curious as to why he was so focused on you- and another part of yourself that you didn’t want to acknowledge had a theory of its own.

Jaemin was quiet, tapping the empty cup as he tried to manufacture a proper response. The Na prophecy was something closely held in his family, and something he had only ever told Hendery about in passing. Jaemin tilted his head up, the small breeze flowing through the trees kissed his skin.

“Do you sometimes feel like… there’s a weight on you? One you might never understand from somewhere you don’t even know?” Jaemin asked, his eyes wincing at the sunlight.

“... I was abandoned with severe amnesia as a child. That’s sort of my whole schtick,” you forced a breathy laugh despite the nail Jaemin managed to hit right on the head. Nervously, you placed a hand on his shoulder, “You just have to remember that you have support, y’know? People who wanna help you figure out that weight and where it comes from.”

Jaemin nodded- you were right, and he knew the exact person who could help him figure this weight out.

That night, Jaemin met with his mother at the Yosei Inn and Fine Dining. He had called her knowing that she already knew he would be calling, and started the first thirty minutes of their dinner gushing over how happy she was to get that vision.

“Oh dear I was already in town- and you know reservations here can get insane,” she prattled on, the faerie server refilling both of their glasses of faerie wine. The Yosei Inn sat about twenty miles away from the University and was hidden from human eyes with a bit of magic and practical effects. It was a Faerie run Inn that was often used by the parents of the elite night class students from Knight’s Cross whenever the University President’s basement was unavailable. Jaemin recognized a few other peers there, all of whom greeted Jaemin’s mother excitedly and acknowledged him in the most polite way possible.

“So! What’s on my beautiful boy’s mind?” She cooed, her hands sitting on top of her son’s. Jaemin was lucky- compared to most other oligarchy parents, both of his were loving, sweet, and didn’t try to force him to upgrade their status. The only pressure applied was the same thing past down his family- and it was the primary source of his strife.

“I… I have a problem,” Jaemin muttered.

“You just have to remember that you have support, y’know? People who wanna help you figure out that weight and where it comes from.” Your words buzzed around his head like an annoying fly, and he wished he could simply swat them away.

“Yes, a romantic one, correct?” his mother asked, and Jaemin met her gaze.

“H-how?”

“Oh please- I've had this vision of you telling me about someone you like since you were born… it only became clear recently, though.”

“I-I don’t like anyone romantically, if that’s what you’re going on about. My issue is…” Jaemin lowered his voice, and leaned in closer so any prying ears couldn’t hear, “I can’t see… I can’t see someone’s future anymore.”

His mother stopped blinking, and stared at Jaemin’s confused face as she started silently weeping.

“Mom, why are you crying?” he whispered, panicking as he snatched his napkin up and began trying to dab away the tears cascading down her cheeks. She allowed her son to swipe the tears away before she smiled and shooed him off of her, a smile now having graced her features.

“Jaemin… when I first met your father… time stopped. Then… we couldn’t see each other’s futures anymore,” his Mother was so excited that her sentence ended in a higher pitch than Jaemin had ever heard her use. He furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes scanning his mother’s elated expression as he began trying to piece together what she was saying.

“I… no,” Jaemin stopped breathing when it hit him.

“This person… you’ve found your soulmate, Jaemin.”

“No!” Jaemin stood up, causing a few of the utensils on the table to clatter and a few onlookers to glare at the psychics. He frowned, slightly bowing his head in apology before sitting back down. “Mom… it’s the President’s daughter.”

This gave her pause, and the smile she wore faded as she nodded in understanding, “I see your dilemma, but son, you can’t really choose who you love either.”

“My one task in life- my one purpose- has been making sure the Na prophecy gets fulfilled, mother,” he hissed, tears threatening to spill now. He was so frustrated- none of this was going as planned, and the worst part was how good you made him feel when he was around you.

“Son, the only purpose in your life should be to be happy,” his mother countered, before she leaned back in her seat, arms crossed, “how’s your fifth cousin doing, by the way?”

“Mom, what-?”

“Your fifth cousin, the prince, Nakamoto Yuta,” she spoke each word slowly and carefully, her small smirk hoping that the younger psychic would understand. Words from the prophecy Jaemin had been carrying now sat at the forefront of his mind, and his eyes widened.

“A mythic in relation to the deceased ruler will fall in love with the flames,” he uttered, voice shaky as his mother nodded in controlled joy. “But… then who dies?”

*****

Across town and in the basement of Knight’s Cross College, you had the music of the practice room blaring as you beat the shit out of a dummy. The padded practice room sat in the basement of the main building, only accessible by your father’s, Mark’s, and your ID card. Typically, you wouldn’t be in the practice room unless you and Mark had a mandated training from your father, but tonight you just felt angry and you didn’t know how else to dispel it beyond putting on gloves and whaling on a poor dummy.

Punch.

Stupid demons. Stupid mythics who are extremely weird about you speaking to them.

Punch. Punch. Jab.

Stupid Jaemin- why did he have to pass by your place this morning? How did he even know your favorite coffee order?

Jab. Punch. Punch. Duck. Kick.

He was handsome and attentive and god why did he have to look good all of the time?

Punch. Punch.

His lips looked so soft too and- wait why is it so hot?

You jumped in fear, knocking your now fire covered gloves to the ground in a panic. The flames were a steep blue- the same as the one from your first memory, and you swore the flames were relishing in your panic. Moving quickly, you grabbed the holy water from your bag in the corner, haphazardly soaking the gloves.

“Fuck!” you shouted in anguish, dropping the bottle as you felt your skin burn. It wasn’t your hands though that burned- it was the blotches on your ankles that picked up some of the holy water backsplash.

You felt your vision blur, your hands trembling as your mouth dried up. Why did the holy water burn you? Why the fuck were there random blue flames that sprouted on your hands? Most importantly- why did the flames not burn you?

You collapsed to the floor, sobbing quietly as the holy water on the ground seared your ankles. You crawled to the corner, knees to your chest as you tried to get yourself together.

You felt like you had never grown past being that confused five year old in the snow. You still knew nothing. You may have grown physically, but now as the flames began to wrap your body and tears streaked down your face, all you could do was wail and accept that you had no control.

Through blurry tears, you saw the door of the training room slammed open.

“GET OUT!” you didn’t recognize the voice that came out from your throat, posing yourself now in a defensive crawl rather than fully cowering. Jaemin’s face didn’t flinch looking at you, despite the terror you felt over yourself being shrouded in blue. “LEAVE!”

“NO!” he shouted, moving closer and closer to the flames that you knew would hurt him, unless… he lifted his right arm that you didn’t realize he had behind his back, and your eyes widened. “I’M SORRY!” he cried, the bottle of holy water soaking and searing your flesh, putting out the flames.

Your body was trembling in agony, the traces of the holy water over your clothes and scorching your skin into deep, painful rivets. Without regard for your surroundings, you threw off your shirt and pants, tears streaming down your face as you kicked the soaked (and burned) articles away from you.

So gently you didn’t even flinch, Jaemin wrapped a blanket over your shoulders helping aid the goosebumps that had formed on the parts of skin that weren’t burned.

“I’m so sorry… I know that’s one of the only other ways for your flames to go out,” Jaemin’s hushed apology made you snap your head up, your wide eyes piercing him now.

“What the fuck happened to me?” you choked, your bottom lip trembling. Jaemin knew the answer- he knew this whole time from before he lost his ability to see your future. He raised his hands, now wrapped in the sleeves of his hoodie, and dashed the tears off of your cheeks.

“I need to tell you about the Na prophecy.”

Taglist! @nini0620 @enhazen @shwizhies feel free to reach out if you’d like to be added :)

<- Go Back? CHP. ONE

Continue? CHP. THREE… ->

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ikethakid · 1 year ago

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Took a day off from work for my mental health

This past week has been very rough for me, lots of ups and downs, but mostly just feeling depressed and not making sense of anything. My partner and I were streaming last night and I broke down. Multple times. I'm just so afraid that they'll leave me or something's going to happen with them and I won't be able to handle it on my own. I need them. The more I freak out the more paranoid I get about them leaving me. Deep down though, I think I know they won't ever leave. They need me just as much as I need them, they've told me themself. I've never connected with someone like this before, and due to past experiences in my life, I feel like I'm going to mess it all up somehow. Sometimes the pain becomes too much, I want to give up on everything. But I know that's not what they'd what. They say you miss 100% of the shots you don't make, so I just need to keep pushing, keep fighting for a better life, with them. I know it's going to be hard, and I'm going to have more bad days. The way I see it, that just makes me human. I couldn't come into work today because the stress I was dealing with this morning physically made me feel weak and tired. I feel like I've let my down my mom doing this but I just couldn't, she knows I'm depressed, and I texted her that I was just dealing with too much right now. I hope she understands. And the thing is I love having a job, being able to buy things with my own money. It feels nice. I just hope all of this leads me to a better life. My partner always says to me "everything happens for a reason", sometimes you have to experience the bad to get to the good. Like all of my previous relationships that didn't go so well before. If I didn't experience any of that, all the pain and suffering, it wouldn't have led me to here, and I wouldn't have met the love of my life, my true love. In a way that makes me grateful for my past. No matter how hard it gets you just keep pushing and keep being a good person. That's all that matters. I couldn't take my own life, I know my partner needs me and it wouldn't be fair to them if I left them like that. They're the only reason I keep going, them and my parents. I know sometimes I get resentful at my parents because I feel like they ruined my life. But I still love them. I know they didn't mean any harm by it, they tried as best as they could to raise children. So even if all this pain is because of them, I forgive them. They didn't bring me into this world with the intention of making my life miserable. Also I know if I took my own life my mom would probably find a way to blame herself for it and I wouldn't want her to deal with the grief and guilt from that. That's why no matter how bad it gets, I'm never going to take my own life. And I think that's my purpose in life. I'm here to support my partner, to support my parents. I'm here to be there for the few people that still care about me. I know they're always there when I need them, so now it's time for me to return the favor. To stop feeling sorry for myself and to just be there for others. Life is beautiful. It's not always perfect but nothing really is anyway. I'm grateful that I've found someone who I can truly be myself with and share my thoughts with

#vent post #struggling mentally #depression

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aikasjournal · 1 year ago

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Journal #9 - Dec 1, 2023

Omg it's December! Where have all the months gone? I have not written anything at all since what August?

August, September, October, November... Four months of going through the motions. There were incredibly rough times this year, especially with Jed and I. Our fights got uglier and uglier by the day. And we were bad fighters to begin with. Even to this day, we are still trying to improve ourselves, to be less reactive and more patient with each other. Ohhh the ugly fights.

I went to a legitimate therapist this year. An expensive therapist, hoping maybe some magic would happen and I would heal myself from sad bad sad bad days. There was just a lot on my plate and I felt mostly lonely and alone through it all.

My number one woe this year was the lack of friendship, female friendship in particular. To go through motherhood with not much to share it with or to talk to on immediately, on-hand, right by my side was probably the hardest thing (aside from Noa's babyhood). Even up to now I'm still mostly by myself. The only regular person I could talk to about motherhood (and know she's not too bored about it) is Mary Ann. Apart from that, people have moved on. It's like if you don't have an office or immediate family nearby, it's just you and your husband. No wonder it put a lot of strain in our marriage.

I always long to have my mama nearby. She's in the States, along with my two sisters. My sister has two young children of her own, Alaiya and Kayson, and I always dream about them being nearby. Oh what fun we'd have, Sundays and holidays spent in chaos with the kids. Alas they're not here and I don't really have any other close relatives I could count on. And as luck would have it, so is Jed's family. They're all in the states.

It seems like I lost the ability (a little bit) to be positive. I have turned into a very negative person this year, which sucked. I always focused on what's wrong and what could go wrong. It was a very unpretty mindset.

I think it started to get a little bit better when Noa began to sleep through the night and I finally had the chance to stretch my sleep to more than 3 hours. Gosh that's also one more thing that made me so miserable. The lack of sleep. Once I was able to afford some shuteye, I began working out again. Very very slowly. Just long walks. And then back to my yoga routine. Very slowly. Very deliberately.

These days, Noa is incredibly talkative, though we hardly understand what she says. But she does mimic us when we ask her to say some words, and best of all we have heard her say real words like daddy, mama, baby, bubbles, elmo, byebye, and well, pepe lol.

I'm still a tad overweight and scared to know what my cholesterol levels are. I have failed to read any book at all this year. I'm still exhausted at night time most days.

Still I'm very grateful to be here, to witness Noa's development, to love her, to be with her. I should do the same for Jed, as we are both tired and exhausted and needing extra compassion and love tbh.

We'll celebrate our anniversary soon on the 8th (also Sam's birthday).

As always I pray for good health for me and my loved ones. To be healthy, safe, alive, and living the best life we could.

Ohhh I forgot, we are in the process of moving to Jed's house in Novaliches next year. We're currently renovating the house courtesy of his parents. It's something to look forward to. :)

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puffpasstea · 2 years ago

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Could you please do a blurb where Matilda’s maybe not looking after herself when he’s away on tour and he finds out? I LOVE all your writing so much!!!

Hiii, babes 🥰

Sure thing! Thanks so much for reading!

——

The sudden vibrations of my phone startled me. I slapped the surface, feeling around the coffee table until I caught it. Reading the caller ID, I smiled for the first time in four days.

“Hey, do I have any underwear left at your place?” Harry’s voice on the other end of the line made calm wash over me.

“W-what?”

“I’m just about to leave the airport. Was thinking I’d get dropped off at your place instead of mine but, we’ll, I need a shower and…”

“Oh. You’re back?”

“Haven’t you seen any of the texts I sent you?”

I’d completely forgotten that Harry was coming back into town today. While I, did, no doubt, miss him a lot, I wasn’t feeling like myself and didn’t want him to see me like this. Should I just ask him not to come? I hated this feeling. The desire to be around people wrestling with the feeling that you’d be better off alone.

“Uh- I guess not. Anyway, yeah. There’s a drawer of your stuff here.”

Harry clearly sensed my apprehension. “You alright, Matilda?”

An automatic smile stretched my lips at the hearing of nickname.

“Yeah, all good. See you soon?”

“In about 25 minutes or so.”

Twenty five minutes were just enough for me to try and get myself to look as normal as possible. I knew Harry would likely be tired and jet lagged. The fact that he’d chosen to come over instead of heading straight home meant the world to me. Even if I wasn’t able to feel it right now. I’m sure that once my emotions came back, I’d be grateful for his visit.

It didn’t take much to tidy up my place, but that’s mainly because there wasn’t much to tidy up;) I hadn’t really cooked, or done anything at all for the past few days. Too paralyzed with depression and anxiety since Harry left. I gathered the empty cups and takeout containers from my week of ordering out and took the trash out, straightening any stray pillows and picking up misplaced items on my way back into the living room.

I headed into my bedroom to change out of my pajamas and into something a little more put together. I was caught off-guard by the reflection of myself in the mirror. Looking into my own eyes, I knew I liked miserable. No amount of makeup could hide the fact that I’m seriously struggling to feel anything at all right now.

I hated this. I have a good life. Really, I do. I know that I have been luckier in life than many people ever will be. And most days, I was able to appreciate that and push through the struggle just fine. But then there were other days. Days like today. Everything felt so overwhelming. I didn’t feel deserving of any of the luck that I’d had. In fact, I felt guilty for having as good a life as I do, thinking that I haven’t done anything to earn these things that I somehow came my way. Most of all, I felt guilty for even feeling guilty. For making Harry HAVE to comfort me, help me, and be considerate of my fragile and often-changing emotional states. I hated that my mental illness made me a less reliable person. I wished I could be more present for him. Or supportive. Or be as much of a positive influence on his life as he is on mine. I didn’t want to ruin his night by making him have to deal with me after the long flight that he’d had. I needed him to see me as someone other than a broken person crippled with her own mental pain.

I put on the first jeans and shirt I could find and practiced my smile in the mirror s few times. I was going to do my best to shield him from the weight of my emotions. It’s not HIS problem that I’m mentally unhealthy.

I boiled some water and rummaged around my cabinets for that herbal tea he likes to drink at night, pairing it with some fruit that I’d bought on a good day when I’d felt optimistic about changing my eating habits. Moments later, I heard him knock on the door.

“MATILDAA!!!” He beamed in mock-screaming, setting his luggage down and offering me a massive hug before he’d even made it through the door.

My face was too squished into his hoodie for him to see it. The scent of his aftershave flooded my mind, making me smile into the fabric of his clothes and inhale deeper, hoping to absorb every last remaining trace of that smell.

“How was your flight?” I asked with my back to him once we were in the kitchen.

“It was alright. As okay as a long flight could be. You know.” He shrugged, picking up and apple and biting into it.

“You hungry? I could whip something up, or we could order in.” I was going through the mental list I’d made of things to bring up to appear normal.

“Nah. I really just came here for the here for the sex.” He spoke with an even tone between mouthfuls of apple. Thank god I was still facing away from him because I could feel the blushing spread all over my face.

“I’m kidding, relax.” He giggled when my silence went on for a moment. “I just wanted to see you.” His voice sounded deeper, more serous now.

He tossed the remaining core of the apple into the trash and approached me, standing directly behind me and placing his hands over my shoulders. “I missed you. Is it okay if I say that?” A drop of uncertainty laced his voice.

“I- uh. Yeah.” I didn’t want to face him. I felt badly about not being able to reciprocate his emotional openness right now and I knew that if I looked into his eyes, he’d be able to tell. He spun me around and put a finger underneath my chin, urging me to raise my eyes to his.

“Hey, what’s the matter?”

He’d already picked up on my stiffness.

“Nothing, what do you mean?” I wiggled out of his arms and walked away.

“It’s not nothin.’ C’mon tell me.”

“I’ll go get your clothes so you can shower…”

I’d started to walk away but Harry grabbed my arm gently, but firmly, and stopped me.

“You can tell me anything.” He stated.

I relented, letting him pull me closer.

“There’s nothing to tell, Harry. It’s just-it’s nothing. Never mind.”

“It’s just what?” He was insistent, his grip on my arm staying tight.

“It’s nothing new. You know how it is with me. Just don’t feel great, mentally. But when has that not been the case, you know….”

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” He hugged me tight enough against his chest that I could hear his heartbeat. Even though I was snug against his body, I still felt exposed and vulnerable.

“It’s no big deal. It’s always like this with me.” I attempted to deflect, uncomfortable with the intensity of the moment.

“Just cuz it happens a lot, doesn’t make it any less difficult.”

We stood there for a moment, Harry’s arms wrapped around me, before he pulled away and led me to the living room.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He sat down on the couch next to me.

“N-not really. I- I don’t mean to be difficult it’s just there’s nothing to say. There’s no reason i feel this way. I just DO.”

“That’s okay. Have you at least been doing your checklist stuff? Exercise and food and all that?”

Harry had developed a directness and an ease around these conversations that instantly made me feel less alone. By not dancing around the subject, he made me feel less self-conscious about the sensitivity of the issue. I wasn’t even sure he was aware of how much of a difference it made, or if it was intentional, but I was certainly grateful.

I simply shook my head.

“Oh, babe. You know we can’t have that. Why didn’t you tell me? I asked you everyday!”

“Cuz I know you! I know you’d try to fix it. Even from thousands of miles away. “

He rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed with my reasoning.

“Well I’m here now, so I AM gonna fix it. And you will not try and stop me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

A mischievous smile lit up his face.

#ask #harry styles #matilda #dom!harry #harry styles blurb

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haifengg · 2 years ago

Text

Pairing: AyatoxGN!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Note: Set in Genshin Impact Universe. Slight time skip to when Ayaka is in her early 20s. Y/N is same age as her. Hopefully this is the first part of a series.

Dear Y/N,

I hope you have been doing well and that you have returned from your travels safely. Today I am writing to you not on business but on personal matters. I might need to go far afield to explain myself and surly, this must be a bit confusing for you but please bear with me. I will explain.

When I saw you for the first time it was like my head had been lifted out of the water. For a mere second I was able to see the sky in all its beauty and to take a deep breath of fresh air before being pulled back under water.

I know that when Ayaka brought you home for a visit that you would be good for her. I hoped that you would give her stability for when she needed it. I hoped you would turn out to be a reliable friend. Simply because I wouldn’t be able to do that for her anymore. As you know, shortly before the two of you became friends our life changed entirely and both she and I were fighting with change. So I was happy she would have another friend next to Thoma. So first and foremost I am grateful to you. You made my life easier without even knowing. Thanks to you I did not have to worry that much about my sister. As you know I am a busy man. And I loathe small talk and I prefer not to waste any time on these unimportant things. But from the day you sat foot on our estate and I saw you across the stone garden I knew that I had to talk to you. Back then it would have been little appropriate for me to confront you and tie you up in a long conversation as to our difference in age. But nonetheless I yearned for your presence. Please do not be scared by what I have to say. Let me continue. I do not intend to brag but I have a lot on my plate. So many things need taking care of and the only person to do that is myself. Dealing with interests of the clan, fulfilling the duties as head of the Shuumatsuban and being rejected by the Tri Commission every other day is tiring. For some time I was worried about my own future for once. Always having an ear for everyone else … I forgot my own personal interests for a while. And it dawned on me that between everything and everyone I might have to make peace with the fact that I will not live my happiest life. After a while I thought that would be alright. Bearable. If it is for the greater good, I told myself, I will be okay not marrying or marrying someone I barely know. I might be fulfilled by being an uncle to Ayakas child. If I die, the family line will not die with me and I have faith in my sister. She is the most capable woman I have seen in my life so far. That thought occurred while you were away on your travels. And may I say that - although I am happy for you to have been able to go - it made me miserable. At first I thought I might just not feel well. Or that it was the situation with the Hunting Decree or what else was going on around that time. Just one night when Ayaka mentioned how much she missed you and that she had so much to tell you when you would be back … only then I realized I felt the same way about you. I was well aware that we never really spoke. You probably have never seen me that way. To you I was mainly, and maybe only, Ayaka’s brother.

I hope that you did not. From very deep within my heart I hope that you did see me in that way. I am also knowing that what I write to you in this letter must come as a surprise to you. I know, it can be dangerous for me to write about my feelings for you in this letter and I know that there is the possibility of you not requite my feelings for you. If that should be the case - please let me know and I will never speak of it any further. But after you have been away for so long, with the possibility of settling down somewhere and never returning - I had to make sure to let you know of my feelings for you.

Sincerely,

Kamisato Ayato

This is the first part of series. You can continue reading here!

💕 @jeonghanmoon

💕 @himitsu-luna

💕 @soleilsuhh

💕 @kpopsnowball

If you’d like to be added to the taglist please click here and send me an ask with you @ in which section you want to be put.

#Urging to write more #scared no-one will enjoy this #lmao #Genshin impact #Genshin impact au #Genshin impact fanfic #Kamisato ayato #Kamisato ayato x you #ayato x you #ayato x y/n #kamisato ayato #ayato imagines #Kamisato ayato x reader #ayato smut

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eternally-writing · 4 years ago

Text

helping hands | jjk

genre: fluff and angst

rating: G (no swearing or sexual content)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: parent!au, idol!au, husband!au, one-shot

word count: 3k

warnings: none

synopsis: Parenting in general? Hard. Parenting while your husband Jungkook is away on tour? Extra hard.

special thank you to @justasparkwritings for beta reading this and @moccahobi for helping me with the title!

banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

It had been 2 weeks since Jungkook had left on tour. You would think that after being in the industry for 10 years he would have a little more leniency with his schedule, but even after the birth of your little girl, Jungkook couldn’t seem to get out of a 3 week tour around Japan and Korea.

It seemed like the Earth was weeping with you today as the rain battered against your window while you made what seemed like your 15th cup of coffee for the day. Your daughter Gidae was for once not crying - and you were eternally grateful since it gave you time to change out of your puke-covered shirt and close your eyes for 5 seconds... as if that was any replacement for the lack of sleep you’ve encountered.

All your friends whose husbands were busy idols or businessmen gave you the advice that “everything falls into place over time when you’re parenting on your own”. That it just magically happened. You’re not sure what memo you missed, or if there’s some book you forgot to read, or if worst of all, you lacked some parental intuition that everyone else possessed. Jungkook had left 13 days ago, and nothing had fallen into place.

Between Gidae being up all night every night, the pile of puke covered laundry sitting in a pile in the corner of your room, the dirty dishes in the sink that had accumulated to the point that you were eating your microwave meals with plastic cutlery, you definitely felt like a failure.

And probably the worst part of it all was that Jungkook wasn’t here to help you. This wasn’t the first time Jungkook left on tour while you two have been together, but it was the first time he had left you since Gidae had been born. The first time he had left you, a first time mother, alone with your child for an extended period of time. The first time you needed help and couldn’t ask him for it.

As if on command, while you were bracing yourself on the counter in exhaustion, your phone began to ring.

Incoming call: hubby kook ♡

As you pressed “accept call”, you could immediately heard the hustle and bustle of the backstage crowd. Too tired to be the first to say hello, you waited to see how long it would take for him to realize you were on the other line.

“Hey Y/N, just checking in before the show! How are things?” cheered Jungkook.

You could imagine what Jungkook looked like as he talked to you: already dressed in his first stage outfit, a makeup artist blotting away at the nervous sweat on his forehead, him grinning ear to ear with his hyungs and bursting with excitement for performing.

On a normal day, if you had maybe actually gotten some sleep or eaten at least one meal that didn’t come out of your freezer in the past week, you probably could have mustered a convincing “good! How’s the show going?” But you were on your last straw, and it was already giving way.

“Bad Jungkook. It’s bad. I haven’t slept at all for as long as I can remember. I have no clean clothes or clean dishes, I haven’t showered since you left so I smell like a pungent mixture of puke, sweat, and god knows what else, and Gidae misses you and won’t stop crying.So yes, it’s horrible without you here.”

You knew that wasn’t what Jungkook expected to hear,the sharp intake of breath on his side serving as a telltale sign you had caught him off guard.

“Baby I-, I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

You couldn’t stop your voice from cracking as you continued. Your chest was tightening, feelings bubbling over.

“It’s -“ you paused to take a breath. “It’s really hard without you Jungkook. Really really hard.”

Jungkook tried his best to piece together the words over the phone, but you could already hear the speakers in the background calling for Jungkook to head to his position for the start of the show.

“Y/N I-“

“You have to go Jungkook, I know. Bye.”

You didn’t give him a second to recuperate as you ended the call.

No parenting book ever provided you with advice on this. The loneliness, helplessness, and frustration you were feeling right now. Crumpling down to the kitchen floor, you felt like the world was collapsing around you as you sobbed.

As if on cue, Gidae’s cries joined yours from the other room.

--♡--

You woke up slouched in a rocking chair in the nursery, with your hand reaching down to touch your daughter’s in her crib. She seemed to show you some leniency by sleeping more than 2 hours at a time, but unsure of how much free time she’d give you, you figured you might as well get a head start of the day since you felt like you were miserably falling behind already.

While mixing some formula in your kitchen, you heard a knock on your front door. The only people who ever came over were the boys and a couple of your friends, and you definitely weren’t expecting any visitors at 8am.

Frying pan clutched in your hand (safety first, right?), you creaked open your door to see a small woman standing in front of you.

With a cheery smile painting her face, the lady began to speak.

“Mrs. Jeon, I’m Seokjin-ssi’s nanny. I’ve been sent here today to take care of Gidae. Here’s a note from Mr. Jeon.”

You couldn’t help the smile that decorated your face after reading it. After so many years together, Jungkook still managed to surprise you. Taking in that there was now a woman in your house who was basically Supernanny here to help you, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

When Jungkook said that you were going to be pampered today, he sure meant it. By a “car” being outside, he actually meant a glorious Porsche with a driver and all your favorite snacks tucked in the backseat. He had booked an entire spa day just for you to get whatever treatments you needed without having to deal with the hustle and bustle of anyone else being around. Simply being in an environment that didn’t always sound like crying and children’s TV shows felt like heaven. A schedule had been waiting when you arrived, including a built in “nap” (multiple hours is just sleep, right?) in one of their private suits and lunch with none other than your best friend. It was the best surprise, and the girl talk you shared was exactly what you needed. Of course the mom guilt crept in, but whenever it did you reminded yourself of Jungkook’s words - you needed this, and only once you take care of yourself will you really be able to take care of your daughter.

You weren’t sure if it was because of the hydrating face mask or the 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep that you were able to get, but you walked into your house with a new pep in your step thanks to the relaxing day that Jungkook planned for you.

Welcomed by Ms. Yeong wearing an apron and bustling around your kitchen, you smelled freshly baked cookies (chocolate chip, your favorite too) and were thrilled at the sight of a clean house in front of you.

Wiping her hands on her apron, she began to speak with that signature smile.

“I’ve cooked dinner for you tonight and also have meals for the next 3 days in the fridge. The dishes are all done and your laundry should all be folded in your drawers. Gidae just had some milk and is now watching some Cocomelon.She woke up from her nap around 3 hours ago.”

In your excitement you couldn’t help giving her the biggest hug, squeezing her tightly. Slowly, Ms.Yeong began to pat your back, unclear about whether this hug was really for you or for her.

“I’m just doing my job Mrs. Jeon.”

You pulled away to look sincerely into her eyes.

“You are seriously a lifesaver Ms.Yeong, I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

After patting your back again, it was her turn to be sincere.

“You’re a good mother, Mrs. Jeon. I know it may not feel like it sometimes, but you really are. Gidae is lucky to have you as a mom.”

Tears began to prick at your eyes, but unlike yesterday, these were happy tears. With all the failures that you had felt in the past two weeks, it meant everything to hear those words from someone, to get some confirmation that you weren’t completely messing things up.

Unable to make any words come out of your mouth, all you could do was nod in appreciation at what she was able to do for you today. Your eyes glimmering with unshed tears said all the words that Ms.Yeong needed to hear.

As she walked out the door, you made a mental note to message Seokjin and thank him for finding the angel on Earth who saved you today.

--♡--

Picking up your daughter from her crib, you cooed and brought her to you. Settling into your rocking chair, you cradled her gently in her arms.

“Mommy missed you today, babygirl, and I know you miss daddy.”

At the mention of the word “daddy” you could see your daughter perk up, looking around and trying to find said male.

All you could do is kiss her forehead. “I miss your daddy too. He’s really amazing, yknow.”

“Amazing, really? I may have said handsome, or sexy, or...”

Your head whipped around to the source of the sound.

And there he was, in the flesh. Jeon Jungkook, the man you had been waiting to see for days on end, was standing right at the door.

“Hi my love,” he said with his silly grin.

Your heart felt like it was bursting as you saw him there, and you couldn’t help but start sobbing your heart out (and I mean ugly sobbing). You felt a waterfall of emotions seeing Jungkook so close.

“Hey hey hey, what’s with this crying? I came home because I didn’t want you to be crying anymore baby.”

Walking over to you, he crouched in front of your chair and started to wipe your tears. Cupping your face in his hands, he pressed his forehead against you.

“I missed you Y/N. I missed you so much.”

You were still reeling from Jungkook’s presence.

“You have no idea how much I’ve dreamed about this Kook. I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Jungkook pressed a short kiss on your lips.

“Well believe it, I’m here for real babe,” he said sentimentally as he peppered your face with kisses.

Picking your daughter out of your grasp, Jungkook lifted Gidae into his hold, lifting her slightly into the air first to make her giggle. Putting on his best stern dad voice, he began his lecture.

“And you little miss, what is this I hear about you causing trouble for your mom?” Questioned Jungkook.

You smiled through your tears as you watched Jungkook go into “dad mode”.

“Before I left you promised you’d be a good girl, but I think good girls don’t cry all through the night and they definitely don’t make a mess with their toys or throw up all over their mommy.”

As Jungkook raised an eyebrow, your daughter looked at him, slightly apologetic, eyes shifting down to the floor, as if she could understand a word of what he said.

“But most of all Gidae, I missed you a whole lot. Your daddy missed you a whole lot.”

You felt like your heart could burst at the way Jungkook looked at your daughter. Even though he might be miles away when he works, you know that he doesn’t love you or your daughter any less.

“I’ll let you put her back to bed, daddy. It is my day off after all, right?” You joked with a chuckle.

Picking up your hand and kissing your palm, Jungkook grinned in agreement.

“Of course my love, go wash up and I’ll see you in bed.”

--♡--

After reading A Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Princess & the Pea, and Rainbow Fish, Gidae was beginning to yawn in Jungkook’s arms. It seemed that it wasn’t just Jungkook who was reluctant to let their father-daughter time come to an end, as Gidae was still fighting to keep her eyes open, and always kept one tiny fist clutched onto the middle of Jungkook’s shirt, as if she was worried he could disappear at any moment.

Wondering what was taking them so long, you peeked your head back in the doorway to watch Jungkook look at your daughter like she was the one who put the stars in the sky. Not wanting to interrupt, you stayed as silent as possible as you watched them together.

“Now I’m gonna say something very important Gidae, and you need to listen very very carefully to me.”

Bringing her up to eye level, Jungkook looked at your daughter sincerely as he continued.

“Sometimes daddy isn’t here and it’s just you and mommy, but I want you to know that daddy loves you and mommy so much, and you’re always gonna be daddy’s little girl, even if I’m not here with you. And I miss you always, so so much. Daddy loves you.”

You could see the tears start to stream down Jungkook’s face, and as much as you wanted to run to him and wipe his tears, just as he did hours earlier, you knew that this moment wasn’t for you. This was for Jungkook and Gidae, and you were sure that he was going to remember this forever.

“You know what would make me so happy Gidae? If you could say the word daddy. Come on - “da” “da”. You can do it!”

He started to bounce her on his lap, exaggerating his mouth movements so much that you were worried that he would accidentally pop his jaw out. His ministrations continued on fruitlessly, with Gidae still staring at him with big doe eyes (a trait she inherited from Jungkook, of course).

Unable to hide your presence any longer, you had to help Jungkook out. “You were only gone for 2 weeks, Kook. She’s still only 6 months old, it’s going to be a little while before she says any words.”

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief. It seemed that Gidae had finally succumbed to sleep in his arms, and he stared down at her again.

“Look at how big she is Y/N, she’s grown so much just in the little while I’ve been gone.”

He looked at you with tears shimmering in his doe eyes yet again.

“Seriously, next time I leave on a tour and come back she’s going to be walking and talking or something.” joked Jungkook as he lightly wiped his tears.

You hugged Jungkook from behind, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before resting your head on it.

“Wherever you are though babe, I’m gonna take photos and videos of all of it so you won’t miss a second of it.”

Jungkook stayed silent as he simply enjoyed having his small family together again.

“You were right earlier you know, on the phone.”

“Hmm?” You hummed in response, unsure of what he was getting at.

“This isn’t working - me leaving isn’t working. I’m not 15 years old anymore, when I could just drop everything and travel the world; I have the two most precious girls in the world with me now, and I need to take care of them.”

Putting his hand in yours, you sincerely looked him in the eye.

“We’re always going to be proud of you Koo, and you know I love watching you do what you love. This may be the hard part, once she gets a little older we could start travelling with you or you could fly back too. Whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it together.”

Jungkook kissed you passionately, hoping his lips could convey what he couldn’t seem to put into words. He repeated your words back to you.

“Whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it together.”

As if Mother Nature was on your side, the rain stopped, leaving the smell of new beginnings wafting in through your window.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you liked what you read please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡ - Emily

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folklorelise · 4 years ago

Text

Nightmares after the accident.

Levi having nightmares after you nearly died. Read part 1 here!

Since you woke up from the accident, you and Levi did not sleep well. For you, it was because that near death experience made you constantly stressed. Most part of the night would be spent pretending to sleep long enough to trick your brain into thinking you are asleep and then finally fell asleep for a few hours.

For Levi, it was because he kept having the same dream – or more like nightmare – every night. He would wake up and just hold you closely to him. Levi never used to sleep much, but since he met you, he started to sleep from four to six hours per night. Now, it was back to two to three hours per night.

None of you would tell the other – you would both pretend to sleep peacefully when in reality you were both miserable.

BREAK LINE

When Levi opened his eyes, he was once again back into that thick forest. He was in his uniform, but his gear was absent. The sky was grey, but there was no rain. He walked around for a bit, but there was nothing yet. After a few minutes of walking in no particular direction, he found a silhouette on the ground. When he finally was close enough, he found you, swimming in your own blood, lifeless.

“Y/N?” Levi trembled. “No…”

Levi quickly started to do chess compression on you, but you already stopped breathing.

“I need help!” Levi tried to scream, but there was no one around.

Then suddenly Armin appeared in front of him, crying over your body.

“Why couldn’t you save mom?” Armin sobbed. “You said you would do anything to protect her, and yet she died! How could you!”

All of a sudden, your head turned around to face Levi’s and tears started to fall down.

“I– I thought– you protect– me…”

Levi wanted to get closer to you, unfortunately Armin took out his sword and pointed it at Levi.

“You don’t deserve her. You shouldn’t get close to her anymore.”

“You– should– go.”

“No.” Levi refused.

BREAK LINE

That was when Levi would usually wake up. Sometimes it was sooner which he was grateful for, and when he could not wake up and he had to walk away from you, he would just hold you afterwards. It has been like this for more than a week now. Levi and you, rarely sleeping, but not telling each other. Neither of you wanted to burthen the other.

You were good at pretending to sleep, or maybe it was because Levi was too tired to notice anything. You on the other hand would notice how Levi would sleep less every night. At first, you did not say anything, but when Levi to become clingier you decided to talk with him – not that you minded it, you loved Levi staying with you, but Levi is never the clingy one.

One night, as you were both pretending to sleep, you finally decided to talk with Levi.

“I know you’re not sleeping.” you whispered.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Levi asked.

“I was thirsty.” you lied. “What about you?”

“I was about to fall asleep right now.” Levi pretended to yawn.

“Stop lying. I know you haven’t been sleeping well these days.”

“How would you know?” Levi asked still holding you.

“Because…” you sighed, “I haven’t been sleeping too.”

“What’s wrong?” Levi asked worried.

“What’s wrong with you?” you insisted.

“Y/N…”

“Levi.”

You were now both sitting on the bed.

“Fine. If I tell you, you have to tell me too.” you tried to compromise.

“Fine.”

A long silence was followed by what Levi said. Neither of you wanted to talk about it, but you had to.

“I’m scared.” you finally pointed out. “I don’t feel… I don’t know.” you paused, “I keep thinking about how I felt back then. I really thought I would never be able to see you again. And then you started to cry, and I just wanted to hug you because I hate seeing you cry.” you sobbed slightly. “I really thought that it would be the last time I’d ever see you and I hated that because I don’t want to leave you.”

“I’d hate to leave you too.” Levi whispered.

“I can’t sleep because when there’s no light, I keep imagining a titan coming through our window… ready to throw me out again.” you took a deep breath. “It was so dark and quiet… just like at night.” you admitted.

“How can I help?”

“I don’t know. When I’m with you… When you’re here I feel better. But I can’t sleep. I’ll eventually get through it. I think… I think talking about it, is definitely a step if I want to get better. What about you?”

“I keep having the same nightmare over and over again. I don’t want to sleep because I can’t see you die on me over and over again.” Levi said calmly. “I’m alone in the forest, and then I find you already gone. I was too late; I couldn’t save you. Armin suddenly appears and he… he would never say these things in reality, but someone has to in my dreams…”

“What does he say?” you asked carefully.

“That… I don’t deserve you.”

“Levi.” you said, but Levi would just avoid your gaze. “Look at me please.” and when he finally did you said “You, Levi Ackerman, deserve the best. You deserve so much because–.” Your eyes filled up with tears again, “because you went through so much, and you just don’t deserve all that crap. You deserve the best, and I hope I’m good enough–.”

“I never could’ve asked for better.” Levi cut you off.

“Me neither.” you put your head on his shoulder.” What else have been bothering you?”

“I’m scared that one day, my nightmare comes true. I don’t want to wake up one day without you. Which brings me to another question.”

“Yes?”

“Are you still planning to go on expeditions?”

“Yes.” you responded without hesitation.

“Bu–.”

“I’m scared, I can’t sleep, but I don’t regret doing what I did. Armin was in danger. If I had to do it again, I would. Probably not jumping in front of him, now I know I should think before and… I should’ve been able to kill that titan, but it had been so long… I don’t know.”

“Then next time you tell me to split up because it’s more efficient, I’d have to refuse.”

“That’s fine with me.”

That night neither of you could still fell asleep peacefully, but you both fell more at ease after talking about your problems.

#attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi x reader #squad leader mom au #levi ackerman angst #communication is key (i think #never being in a relationship lol)

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piratesfromspace · 4 years ago

Text

You Again (Frank Castle/Reader)

Frank Castle (the Punisher) x Reader

Word count: 1.5k TW: light description of wound and bruises, implied rape attempt, mention of alcohol, canon-typical violence, reader has ✨issues✨

Female pronouns for reader

Note: Some hurt/comfort with Frank Castle. For unknown reasons, reader can’t go see a normal doctor. This story was inspired by an unpublished fanfic written by a dear friend of mine, in which Frank already helps reader.

MASTERLIST

“You. Again.”

You never had been so happy to hear his gruff voice.

“And you’re a fuckin’ mess.” Frank added, tone flat.

“You should see the other guy.” you croaked, trying as best as you could to smile despite the cut on your lower lip.

You were, indeed, a mess.

Battered and bloody, you were sitting - or more accurately slouching - on the dirty floor, in front of one of Castle’s hideouts door, on a random Tuesday night. Your right hand was badly hiding the knife’s wound on your stomach, the gash in your blood-soaked T-shirt obvious behind your feeble fingers. Angry bruises were already blooming around your wrist, adding yet another painful layer to your miserable appearance.

“Fuck.” He let the word slip between gritted teeth while scanning your body. You were not in great shape.

“Fine, come here, don’t bleed out on my front porch.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, while you tried to put yourself on your feet, before admitting you were too weak to accomplish the simple task.

“I-I can’t... stand up.”

Frank closed his eyes for a second, exhaling through his nose, just like he would do to try and calm himself to avoid scolding a child. He eventually crouched beside you, slipping an arm under the crook of your knees, and the other behind your shoulders, gathering you in his arms and lifting you effortlessly like you weighed nothing.

The door closed behind him thanks to a powerful kick of his foot, and you finally allowed yourself to relax a little, feeling safe for the first time in days.

The dingy flat was nowhere near the level of comfort you would wish for yourself, but he was here, in this room, breathing and alive and focusing on you, and that was all that mattered at this moment.

---

“I’m the first choice when it comes to patching you up I guess.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, I wouldn’t have come if I had any other option.”

Frank was trying his best to stitch the wound on your stomach without hurting you too much, but the lack of anesthesia was making it difficult. The witty banter was one way of distracting you, and you were grateful for it.

“Done.”

The needle clattered on the plate he had put on the floor next to the mattress you were lying on. You let out the breath you were holding, pain slowly radiating through your whole body, making his lazy way from the cut on your belly to the rest of your limbs, awakening in its path the dozens of bruises littering your skin. Your vision got blurry for a moment, ears ringing.

“Hey, stay with me.” his hand was on the side of your face, cradling your cheek while avoiding to touch the cuts on your lips. His warm and callused fingertips against your cheek gently brought you back to reality.

You could feel his gaze on your face, cataloguing every cut and scratch, and you did not miss the way his eyes just narrowed for a second when they fell on your neck, his fingers hovering above the bruises there.

“Are you hurt elsewhere?”

“No.” you knew the moment the word escaped your mouth that you had answered way too fast and way too loud for you to be believable.

“You’re so bad at lying it hurts to see you try, you know?”

“I’m f-fine.”

“No you’re not.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Since you’re the one bleeding on MY mattress, I would argue that it’s also my business now.”

Your defense was pathetic and he was so patient with you, you wondered why you had to be such a defensive jerk sometimes. You slouched a little more, you wanted to disappear into his mattress.

“Truth is… I-I don’t really know.”

“Let me take a look.” It was not a question, but he waited nonetheless for you to nod your approval before helping you shimmy out of your torned jeans. You winced, the movement cruelly reminding you of the freshly stitched wound on your abs.

“Do I need to kill someone?” was his only reaction when the galaxy of black and purple bruises on your thighs appeared from under your pants.

“He’s already dead.”

He knew you were not lying this time, the proudness in your soft voice too earnest to be faked.

“What happened?” he asked, voice so low and caring, like he was talking to a wounded animal.

“You know what happened.” you answered sternly.

Frank wasn’t dumb and it would only take half a brain to do the maths and understand the situation given the bruises on your neck, wrists and thighs, and the broken zipper of your jeans.

“Do you need medication? Something for...” he seemed lost all of a sudden.

“No, Frank, I killed him before anything happened. That was the plan.”

“The plan? You planned on being attacked and… “ he froze, his mind working to make sense of your words. He quickly understood, his expression suddenly changing. If he was looking sorry a few seconds ago, now he was angry.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been up with this vigilante bullshit again?”

“That’s rich coming from you.” you scoffed.

“You’re not a 6-foot-tall trained marine.”

“That’s the point, I can easily lure those guys, unlike you.” You cut him off.

“You should have told me first.”

“What? I don’t need your permission.”

“You need my protection.” he was starting to lose his patience.

“I can take care of myself.”

“Says the girl bleeding on my doorstep.” he snorted.

The bastard got a point.

“At least I’m trying to be useful.” you retorted, in a low blow, a foolish attempt to not lose too quickly.

“You won’t be useful when you’re dead.”

“Right now I wish I was.” you grumbled, running out of replies.

“Don’t you ever say that again.”

“Fuck you Frank. Fuck you.”

He was tiring. You should have known you had zero chance of winning this argument from the get go. You couldn’t even go and dramatically slam the door on your way out. Your shaking legs would barely carry you up. Ok, maybe, just maybe, he was right. Maybe it was a bad idea, and your injured body was just the proof of his implacable logic.

Frank rose on his feet slowly, a hand rubbing on the back on his head - he always did that when he was stressed and thinking too much.

“Stay here until you’re somewhat healed.” his eyes were avoiding yours, his voice too soft whereas you wished he would be mad, because he would be way easier to fight him this way. “Please.”

It’s not like you were physically able to go anywhere else, and truth be told it’s not like you wanted to go anywhere else. The hurt in his voice made your heart clench. You had been unfair, just like usual. A stupid defense mechanism.

You thought about the last time he had to patch you up. A mean fever. Found you unconscious in a dark alley. Frank had taken good care of you, slowly bathed you in cold water to lower the fever, before tucking you against him under a blanket and nursing you back to life the following days. He had even kissed you that first night, and the next morning, when you felt better, he had pressed his body against yours and made you feel even better, this time with different means than some cold water. The memory of his kindness contrasting with your current ungratefulness had you on the verge of tears.

You were mad at yourself.

“I’m-I’m sorry.” you offered after what seemed like an eternity.

”And… thank you.” you added, trying your best to not burst out crying right there.

Castle said nothing, he just left for the kitchen and came back with a glass of water, before squatting next to you and handing you the precious liquid. You gulped the whole shot down, you had not realized before how parched you were.

“You lost some blood, that’s why you’re dehydrated.” he explained matter of factly, voice devoid of hurt or anger, like your little scene had not existed. And that’s why I’m saying nonsense, you thought to yourself.

“I’ll bring you some more.”

Before he could rise up again, you reached out to touch his face. The sudden movement sent sparks of pain through your guts but you did not flinch. His eyes bore into yours and you closed the distance between you. The kiss was soft then fierce, it felt like finally letting go of something that was burning you from the inside, your injury forgotten the second his lips touched yours. The taste of blood in your mouth was soon replaced by the taste of him and the lingering notes of the whiskey he surely drank before you arrived.

Castle fell slowly on his knees, carefully hugging you, breaking the kiss only to bury his face in the crook of your neck and whisper inaudible praises between two “silly girl”.

You closed your eyes. It felt like finally being home. Finally being safe.

#frank castle x reader #frank castle imagine #the punisher #the punisher x reader #the punisher imagine #jon bernthal

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honeytae · 3 years ago

Note

Hi!! Idk if you’re taking requests or not, but I was hoping I could request something along the lines of where you’re in love with your best friend, taehyung, but he doesn’t know and he’s getting married soon. you don’t tell him how you feel until the night of his wedding when you’re a bit tipsy from drinking your feelings away. you can decide the ending! thank you in advance if you end up writing this! hope you’re doing well and staying safe. Xx

hi darling! i’m so sorry this took so long for me to write. i couldn’t get it to a point where i was satisfied with it for a really long time, i still don’t feel that good about it honestly but hopefully it’s okay for you!!! i tried to make it angsty (yikes) so hopefully it’s not horrible lmao

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy, @the1921-monsters

genre: angst

word count: 1.6k

warnings: um so much heartbreak, oc is a little (very) in denial about the situation and comes off a little toxic tbh, requited love but nothing they can do about it now, mentions of tae going into a panic attack

You couldn’t handle it.

You couldn’t handle the ‘congratulations to the happy couple,’ nor the Mr. and Mrs. Kim sign practically floating over their heads. You couldn’t handle the copious bouquets and all the preparations that went into this.

And you felt like a complete asshole about it.

Which is precisely why you decided to prematurely exit the event, doing yourself and everyone else a favor by leaving for the night to go sulk in your hotel by your lonesome.

The elevator ride up to your floor was miserable, your own battles within your mind coupled with the fact that your floor was the top one, making the ride excruciatingly long on top of everything else.

Rustling with the hotel key in your bag seemed to take forever as well, finally barging into your half unpacked space with a sigh. You quickly shut the door behind you, hoping you’d been able to sneak away from the hotel lobby without any guests noticing.

Shuffling further into the room, you sat on the edge of the king bed in the center of the room, placing your head in your hands at the mere prospect of this weekend.

Taehyung was getting married. Kim Taehyung, your best friend, the one person you’d been pining for since middle school, would be legally bound to someone else in less than twenty four hours.

Maybe you just shouldn’t have come. Despite sending red flags to Tae, you couldn’t think of a better solution than fleeing at this exact moment. Why did you think you could handle this?

Two knocks against the locked door had your head raising from its resting place, cursing under your breath at someone coming after you.

You didn’t feel well. That would be your excuse.

“Hey, you okay?” Immediately upon opening the door, Taehyung spoke the question out into the air, dark eyebrows knit in concern and kind eyes imploring yours for an answer.

“Hi. I’m fine, just a little tired, Tae.” You pressed your lips together in a hopefully believable smile, the man frowning before nodding at you.

“Me too. Can I come in?” He asked, the question completely innocent however making your heart rate a bit faster at the what if. What if things had gone differently? What if it was still a possibility for things to escalate between you two?

Cut it out. He’s about to be a married man.

You raised your eyebrows at him for a moment, then stepped back to allow him in, putting all your concentration on shutting the wood for a moment as you took a steadying breath.

“What about your party?” You wondered aloud, the man humming as he took a seat on your fully made bed.

“I’m tired of the parties. They’re exhausting.” He chuckled, covering his face with his hands as he reclined back on your bed.

Your heart skipped another beat at the vision, his tight pants leaving little to the imagination and buttons from his dress shirt stretched to new limits with his strained position. Diverting your eyes, you walked over to the desk chair in the corner of your room, reaching for a water bottle out of your mini fridge. Get a fucking grip.

Tossing one over to the bed beside Taehyung, you sat down in the plush seat, grateful that the man didn’t seem to notice your distance from him as you glanced out the window.

Until….

“Are you really okay? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

At his sudden words, you froze, gripping your water a bit tighter as you brought your eyes back to his face. He was closer now than before, having scooted to the edge of your bed to lean toward you, eyes showing concern for you as you shuffled in your seat.

Taehyung was never one to beat around the bush, and at times like this, you really wish he would just brush some things under the rug as easy as you could.

“I’m good, Tae. Just have a lot going on, I guess. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” You said, hoping to clear the air and dismiss the topic as soon as you possibly could. The man’s stare wasn’t helping your state any.

“No apologies. Just wanted to check in on you.” He sighed, seemingly disappointed with your lack of response before a hideous painting across the room caught his eye.

“What the fuck is that?” He griped, making you chuckle as he sat up to lean toward the art piece, squinting with his lip curled in amusement.

“It’s not so bad.” You shrugged, smirking when he turned back to you in bewilderment. Realizing you were teasing him, his eyes went back to normal size, a smile meeting his own lips at the return of your familiar banter.

“How can you sleep in a room with that shit? I feel like asking for a refund.” He shook his head, making you laugh before taking a swig from your water.

“Somehow I manage.” You replied, twisting the cap back on the bottle with a sigh.

It’s times like these that you feel as though nothing is wrong. Times like these that transport you back to periods of your life when Taehyung was just a call away, and you thought maybe, just maybe, you two had a chance. But that was over now. Those days were no more.

Because Taehyung informing you about a blind date then turned into him in a full blown relationship, a serious one at that, and soon enough they were taking big steps such as meeting the parents, moving in together, and yes, getting engaged.

Your friends had been just as shocked as you were, pitying you with deep sympathetic looks over Taehyungs shoulder as you hugged him in confused congratulations. It had all happened so fast...how did you manage to lose him forever?

Waking up the next day, you felt a particular heaviness on your chest. It was the day before the wedding, the rehearsal dinner turned into an entire day of partying for their guests. A celebratory day, if anything.

But waking up and getting all dolled up for this occasion was the absolute last thing you wanted to do, today or ever. You had always thought that you’d have much more of a starring role in Kim Taehyung’s life. Shaking your head to dismiss those kinds of thoughts, you cursed as you left your hotel room, wondering how the hell you’d be getting through this day.

Four martinis. Four martinis was how you’d be getting through today. The bartender had become one of your closest acquaintances over the past few hours, eyeballing you silently as he poured you yet another cocktail, your demands obvious that you were not drinking out of celebration.

Sitting at the bar, you contemplated everything. From the time you’d met Tae, you had been so sure that you two completed each other. Were you that naive? And fuck, why are you still thinking about this now? It’s over. You and Tae will never be.

Nearly jumping off your stool at a hand suddenly clapping your back, you shifted your gaze over to the arm belonging to Jungkook, one of Taehyung’s youngest yet wisest friends.

“You’re sulking.” He said plainly, dark eyes tracing over your faded features, briefly examining the drink in your hand before shooting the bartender a knowing look.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” You sighed, nearly breaking into a sob when his hand laid over yours, fingers fitting between your own in a comforting gesture. With one glance at the man, you gained all the information you didn’t want.

He knew.

You wondered how long he’d known. Jungkook, being the quiet and relatively introverted person he was, was an observer. He knew everything about everyone it seemed, by not speaking to them at all. He noticed everything.

You just hoped he didn’t notice the way your eyes started blinking rapidly, and that he’d instead just go back into the party without another word.

“Neither should you.” He replied to you, his tone holding nothing but concern as he tried to catch your eyes.

You just couldn’t hold it in.

“Well maybe if I wasn’t in love with him I’d be having a better time.” You mumbled, leaning your head down on your hands, elbows pressed to the tops of your thighs, sad and tired as Jungkook froze beside you.

Unbeknownst to you, a concerned Taehyung had also come to find you, stumbling upon that very scene as Jungkook tried to console you.

Meeting eyes with his older friend, Jungkook’s mouth gaped open for a moment, opening and closing like a fish out of water as you cluelessly rambled under your breath about how stupid you were to ever let yourself come here.

With a shaky exhale, Taehyung silently began to put it all together. The way you’d been working constantly lately, picking up every shift you could to decline his repeated attempts at getting together with you, the way you’d ran off last night and brushed it off as you being too tired. It was all adding up.

You were struggling with this as much as he was. Maybe more.

But what Taehyung could do about this years ago was no longer an option, his hands shaking at his sides as he spun on his heel and walked out of the lobby. He could briefly hear Jungkook call for him but ignored it, breathing heavily as he rounded one of the hallways leading to the restrooms.

Unshed tears misted over his eyes as he hugged a corner of the wall, feeling rather unsteady as he leaned his forehead against the cool surface. The burning pain in his chest had him sinking down to the floor in an instant, sobs wracking his shoulders with heightening emotions rising in his throat.

You’d finally given him the green light. And it was too fucking late.

#bts fanfiction #bts member x reader #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts angst #bts reader insert #kim taehyung fanfiction #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung imagines #kim taehyung angst #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung x reader #taehyung imagines #taehyung angst #writing #fanfiction #angst #x reader #reader insert

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hopelesshunny · 4 years ago

Text

the love languages part ii: physical touch (f.w.)

pairing: fred weasley x fem!reader

summary: fred has always felt the need to touch y/n and after a drunken night he realizes he can't sleep without her.

warnings: very, very light profanity, drinking/underage drinking, kissing, bed sharing.

word count: 2.4k

a/n: my second instalment is here - i did in fact say i would wait until monday but i was really excited to write this one!! i am so grateful for all the love i have received on this series so far, i cannot thank you guys enough. i still feel like i have a ways to go in improving my writing - but as always my ask is open if you have comments, questions, concerns, luv or just wanna chat:)

*all photos are from pinterest*

series masterlist // part i // part iii // part iv

For as long as Y/N had known Fred he had always been touchy. Fred’s need to constantly touch her was never unwelcomed, she relished in the way he’d wrap an arm around her shoulders when he’d walk her to class or how he’d lean into her when he laughed uncontrollably. However, she had always assumed that he was like this with everyone he was friends with, that he just needed to touch people in some way in order to feel close to them. This was very true but Y/N never knew that it was her touch that he craved the most, that as soon as he saw her, he longed to feel the soft skin of her cheek, the way her shoulders shook when she laughed or the rise and fall of her chest while he laid on her stomach in the common room, gentle sighs leaving her mouth every so often.

Fred couldn’t count on two hands the amount of times he almost told Y/N his feelings for her, the words sat on his tongue so often that he was starting to believe that they felt more comfortable in his mouth which is why they never launched themselves into the air. He didn’t know why he couldn’t force the confession out, there was always just a cloud of doubt and fear that swarmed his mind whenever the thought presented itself. But alas, here he was sitting across from her watching her flip her hair over her shoulder and let out a light laugh as she found whatever George was saying quite amusing.

“Y/N! You have to come, you literally can’t miss a party like this!” George practically shouted, a shocked look on his face.

“I’m so behind on my studies.” Y/N started, resting her chin on her hands. “I’ll be practically chained to the library all weekend as is, I can’t go to a party.”

“Y-You’re not coming tonight?” Fred questioned, his eyes hopeful as if he had heard the conversation wrong.

“Sorry Freddie.” She pouted. “You can tell me all about it at breakfast tomorrow.” At that Fred reached across the table to run his finger across her knuckles, relishing in the way her skin felt under his calloused fingertip, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to how they would feel against his lips. However, he was pulled out of his daydream by the sound of George making gagging noises to the side of him as Y/N giggled.

“In that case I’ll have to drink a little extra.” He threw a wink her way. “To make sure I don’t bore you back to sleep tomorrow morning.”

“You never bore me, Trouble.” She smiled before saying her goodbyes to the rest of the table and making her way to the library. The nickname brought a gentle smile to his face, it was the first thing she’d ever called him. During her first year Y/N had been studying in the common room when the twins busteled in, laughing and hollering about another successful prank. When she asked what they were so excited about, the two boys were more than happy to explain, Fred wildly acting out the look on Snape’s face before George asked her name and introduced himself in response. Before Fred even had the chance to open his mouth to follow suit she stopped him.

“You sound like trouble, that’s what I’ll call you.”

George laughed at his twins new-found nickname but it made Fred’s heart swell - the fact that she had specifically given him a special name, the smile on her face when she said it and the way she never left their side since that day, produced a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. Now, here he was, years later, with the same girl, same nickname, same smile and the same butterflies.

Fred kept his promise to Y/N, he was drunk, very, very drunk. He stumbled through the Gryffindor common room, his feet feeling like they were trying to carry him off in different directions until he finally found an armchair to ground himself with. Plopping himself down into the chair he looked out into the crowd of people, some laughing others whispering, couples hanging off each other, it made him miss Y/N. If she was here she’d be sitting next to him, his arm slung around her shoulder as she giggled over the way he slurred his words and she’d always made sure he got to bed safely before finding her way to her own room. Fred groaned as George sat in the chair across from him, pushing a glass of water towards him, causing his twin to chuckle at his annoyed state.

“At least you’ll have something funny to tell Y/N in the morning.” He laughed. “Tell her all about how your drunk ass could barely walk straight.” Fred leaned his head back on his neck.

“I should go see her.” He spoke quietly, just loud enough to convince himself of the idea but hopefully not loud enough for George to hear. He knew that his drunken state failed him however, when his brother quirked an eyebrow at him.

“And do what? Spill your guts?” George chuckled. “Either by finally telling her you’re bloody in love with her or literally?” This earned another groan from Fred as he shot daggers at him.

“That’s it.” Fred started, chugging the glass of water that was placed in front of him. “I’m going.”

“Best of luck mate.” George spoke as he watched Fred stumble his way through the crowd.

“Where’s he going?” Ron asked, suddenly appearing by his brother's side.

“On a death mission.” George responded.

Fred let out a sigh of relief when he finally made his way out of the common room and began the trek towards her dorm room. But his mind was running rampant, what if George was right? What if he was just better off going to bed? Maybe she wouldn’t want to see him, she was probably tired from studying all night and the last thing she wanted was him keeping her up. But despite his doubts his feet still carried him towards her, the walk was sobering, which he would need if he planned on getting a coherent sentence out when he finally made his way to her.

“Y/N?” He called softly when he opened her room door, trying his very best to keep quiet to not wake her roommates. He recognized her frame immediately, bundled under bed sheets, her hair messy and lips slightly parted. He stood over her, watching the way her chest rose and fell as soft breathes left her mouth. “Y/N.” He spoke again, shoving his hands in his pockets, fearing her reaction to his sudden visit. Her eyes shot open but when they found his, her face softened, a small smile forming.

“You scared me, Trouble.” She laughed lightly. “Are you okay?” She asked, the concern that laced her voice made him have to restrain from kissing every square inch of her face.

“I’m okay, just a little drunk.” He hiccuped, his response earning a bright smile from her as she scooted to the side and patted the bed, signially for him to sit next to her. He graciously accepted her offer, his hand immediately finding her knee, needing to touch her. She leaned into his touch as he slurred on about how Ron tried to flirt with Hermione but failed miserably and how red Harry turned when George dared him to kiss Ginny. Neither of them could remember falling asleep, they were too caught up in each other's whispered stories and soft giggles.

When Fred woke the next morning, his head pounding, his legs feeling as if they had carried him across the entire country, he looked down to find his best friend fast asleep on his chest. Y/N’s arms were wrapped tightly around his middle with his hand tangled in her hair as she shifted slightly on top of him. He felt like he should panic and apologize for last night’s antics but she looked so peaceful and he was so close to her that he couldn’t bring himself to worry about barging into her room at who knows what time.

“Mornin’ Trouble.” She spoke, her voice groggy and flooded with sleep. “How are you feeling?” She asked genuinely, pulling herself from his embrace to stretch her arms above her head, making him curse himself for ever moving and waking her.

“I’ve been much better.” He groaned, sliding his hands down his face. “Guess I don’t have to fill you in on last night's events at breakfast anymore.”

“No, you did a sufficient job of that last night.” She giggled. “But we can still go to breakfast, you need to eat something.” Y/N pulled him out of her bed, still fully clothed in what he was wearing the night before.

He grumbled his way through breakfast as George and Ron cracked jokes about how drunk and lovesick he was, Fred throwing warning looks their way as Y/N laughed seeming unbothered by the way they were pulling her into they’re jokes, taking it all as a way to poke fun at Fred. But his head was still swimming, the feeling of her weight on top of him and her hands pressed against his chest, all he wanted was to be back in that position again. He couldn’t get it out of his head for the rest of the day and no matter how many times he attempted to distract himself from her that night as he lied in bed his mind kept travelling back to Y/N. He lay awake staring at the ceiling thinking about how empty his arms felt without her in them - she was addicting, he had always known that, since the moment he met her he had not been able to pull himself away from her. But now he was in too deep, he needed to be there with her.

So, here he was, in his pyjamas, on his way to her dorm room once again, all shame and guilt left long behind, just needing to be near her. Fred padded into her room, his hands rooted in his pockets once again, fully expecting to have to wake her just as he did the night before. But she was wide awake, sitting on her bed, a novel clasped in her fingers, a smile forming on her face when he came into her line of vision.

“Did you miss me?” She teased, as he ran a hand through his hair, rocking on his heels.

“Can’t sleep.” He mumbled. “Was wondering if you were still up.” He said, offering her a grin.

“Well then Trouble, you’re in luck.” She smirked, moving to allow space for him to lie next to her. Fred laid his head in her lap as she turned her attention back to the book in her hand while the other snaked its way into his hair. All the trouble sleeping that had been previously plaguing him melted away with her nails lightly scratching his scalp.

Over the course of the next week Fred and Y/N fell into this routine, he would lay away in his bed before eventually giving into the knowledge that he could not sleep without her any longer before he would make his way to her room, crawl into bed beside her and fall into the soundest sleep that has ever graced him. In the beginning, he was apprehensive, worried that she would reject him at some point and tell him that she wanted to sleep alone. But she never did, every night she shot him a warm smile and opened her arms to him. As the week went on his worries morphed themselves into something new however, he was no longer concerned about her rejecting his company but that she would instead reject his feelings for her. That she would eventually realize that he was in love with her and tell him that she never felt that way about him and was just trying to be a good friend.

“I don’t think I can sleep without you anymore.” Fred spoke into the darkness of the room, his voice audibly shaking, the silence that filled the space causing his stomach to turn.

“Mhmm.” Y/N started, tightening her grasp on him. “I can’t complain, you’re a great pillow.” He let out a light laugh, rubbing small circles in her back.

“It’s true.” He spoke, more seriously. “I haven’t been able to sleep at all lately, but as soon as I get into your bed, I’m out.” She sighed. “They must have better beds in the girls dorms.” He added, which earned a giggle from her.

“I don’t know about the quality of the beds, maybe it’s who's in it.” She spoke, her voice quiet as she bit her lip now regretting her sudden burst of confidence. Fred was silent for a moment before he spoke, a deep breath filling his lungs before he had the nerve to confess to her.

“I always thought that the reason I always had to touch you was because I liked to feel close to people. But it’s different with you.” He shifted to look at her. “I need to touch you, need to feel your skin. Fuck Y/N, I just want to hold your hand in front of everybody and kiss you in between classes and fall asleep next to you every night.” He searched her face looking for any sense of emotion but all he could find was her typical soft smile. “It’s just that I-I-” He started.

“I love you too Fred.” She cut him off, placing her palm against his cheek, he turned into her touch despite the shock that was lacing his features.

“You what?” He said, a giggle falling from her mouth as she clasped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to save him some pride.

“The first night you came to my room, after you left the party, you kept saying you loved me in your sleep.” He groaned at her confession. “I was worried it was just drunk babbles but-”

“But I do love you.” He finished. “I’ve loved you for years.”

“I love you too, Trouble.” She giggled, placing a long awaited kiss to his lips.

taglist (join here!!)

@onlyfreds @fandomhideout @lilypad-55449 @youngblood199456 @thanxxskz

#fred #fred weasley #fred weasly x reader #fred wealsey fic #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley series #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you #fred weasley fluff #hp fic #hp

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