#I was really craving summer treats all those months ago LOL

[lilliganart]

Original sketch by Horikoshi, colouring by me

[fruityutas]

wild | l.yy

yangyang x gn!reader

not proofread

genre ~ best friend!au, pining, one-sided love, angst, happyish ending

wc ~ 1.9k

warnings ~ cursing? uhh mentions of food, and ofc the angst lol

synopsis ~ yangyang would always be your best friend, but a person in love can only take so much before their breaking point

note ~ based on troye sivan’s song wild, and part of the blue neighbourhood series

taglist ~ @du0tine , @badwithten​ , @softsungchan​

the school year was coming to an end, and that meant summer was beginning. liu yangyang, your best friend, was raving on about all the plans he had for you two. you were barely listening, focusing more on him than what he was saying. you’d liked yangyang since middle school, and that was seven years ago. now seniors in high school, he still didn’t know. you honestly did plan on keeping it that way, but plans get spoiled all the time don’t they?

“hey, are you even listening?” yangyang snaps you out of the fantasy land in your head. “uh, yeah you were talking about… uh the water park?” he rolls his eyes. “no. but good guess, you doofus.” times like this made your heart pound. he was so close to you, staring into your soul. it made the butterflies erupt in your stomach. it was getting harder to avoid your feelings for him, the past seven years building them up. “should we get some ice cream? i heard this new place across town is really good.” you nod in agreeance and get up, dusting yourself off. “c’mon we can go in my car.” you both walk the short route to his house before he drives you to the shop. the hot air signaling the first breath of summer in your quaint town. the bell to the shop rings its sweet tune to alert of any customers coming in. yangyang races ahead of you and begins his order, turning to you after he finished. “i can get mine, it’s fine.” “if you don’t order right now-” you punch him in the arm before stepping up to the counter. “one scoop of mint choco in a cone please.” the worker makes quick work, and soon you’re stepping back outside into the humid air with cones in hand.

cause there’s still too long till the weekend, too long till i drown in your hands. too long since i’ve been a fool.

harboring your feelings for yangyang was hard, especially since he always looked so kissable. you hated yourself for not acting on your feelings. every time he talked about a girl, it broke a piece of your heart. you knew he didn’t like you back, and you tried to accept that. still, loving someone who could never love you back in the way you wanted was painful. everything about the world around you reminded you of him. almost every second of free time was spent with him, and when you were younger, you made a pact with each other. “i solemnly swear that we’ll always be best friends.” you smiled at the memory of you sitting with him in your backyard, sweaty from a game of tag, muttering the words to each other. if keeping yangyang in your life meant being hurt from this one-sided love, then you would hurt for the rest of your life. he meant so much to you and throwing that away was out of the question.

you’re driving me wild, wild, wild.

the first month of summer, yangyang kept his promise of hanging out with you, but he met someone during that time. she was everything you wanted to be to him. delicate face, soft voice, amazing personality. to say you were jealous was an understatement, every waking moment of the day you wanted to despise her so much, but it was impossible. she was perfect in every way. the days went on and yangyang would still hang out with you, but he would constantly talk about her. it hurt knowing he found someone to like, and it not being you. but you made a promise to yourself to be happy as long as he was.

never knew loving could hurt this good.

the weeks went on, and yangyang lessened his interactions with you in favor of his girlfriend. you would always say that it didn’t matter, but oh boy did it hurt. he told you one summer night that he thought he loved her. “she’s just so…” “perfect?” he snaps his fingers in agreement. “how do you always know what i’m trying to say?” you send him a small smile, patting his shoulder. “because i love you.” it came out a mumble, not meant to be heard by him. “what was that?” you stutter out a cheap excuse, terrified he heard you. “be...cause i’ve known you for so long!” yeah nice save idiot. 

the days grew longer and air hotter. it was the second month of summer and you were getting busy preparing for college, packing all your things little by little. you’d still call yangyang daily like normal, and talk about future plans and your days. you were going to the beach in three days, and yangyang was supposed to join you, it was a tradition between you. “oh, i forgot to tell you that i can’t come to the beach this year.” you stopped packing clothes, dumbfounded. “well why not?” a sigh was heard from his end. “i promised yingqi that she could pick a day to have a date and she chose wednesday… i wouldn’t have been able to do both since they overlap. i’m sorry but i promise that i’ll make up for it.” you stay silent, tears forming in your eyes. “uh, ok well that’s cool. just um, let me know when you come up with something else we can do. but listen i gotta go my mom is calling me for dinner, i’ll talk with you tomorrow yangs.”

you’re driving me wild.

the beach trip was lonely without yangyang there. your parents could tell his absence affected you more than you’d like to admit. it just wasn’t the same without him there. after getting back, you didn’t hear from him for three days. you were worried that maybe something happened while you were gone so you went to his house. his mother opened the door, giving you a much-needed hug. “it’s been so long, y/n! where have you been?” you laugh, she was always the worrier. “it’s been a bit busy with college preparations and all. do you know where yangyang is? he hasn’t texted or called in three days.” she snorted, letting you in the house. “that girlfriend of his has taken a lot of his time lately, but he’s up in his room right now.” you nod and yell a thank you as you ascend the stairs. creaking open his bedroom door, you call out to him. “yangyang? are you in here?” you hear shuffling from his closet, and a string of curses come out. “yeah, i’m in here.” you chuckle and walk further in his room. “is everything ok? i’ve had radio silence from you for three days.” he walks out with a few hoodies in hand. “oh yeah, shit. i’m sorry about that. i meant to call you after you got back but yingqi decided that would be the perfect time to call me. and then i went on some dates with her and it slipped my mind. dude, i feel bad.” a fake smile makes its way to your face, masking the pain. “it’s ok, you were spending time with your girlfriend. no biggie.” how could he see he was hurting you when he didn’t even pay attention to you?

“what are those hoodies for? are you finally cleaning out your closet?” he fakes offense to your statement. “of course not, i’m giving these to yingqi. i think she’d be cute in my clothes.” you hum unenthusiastically. “you’re weird.” he rolls his eyes and grumbles. “anyway, did you wanna hang out today? i missed you.” he nods and his hair bounces, which was just so cute to you. “yes i actually have something planned to make up for me missing the beach.” you laugh, slightly in annoyance and slightly in happiness. “well what is it?” “a surprise, doofus.”

the day was well spent, yangyang took you to an amusement park and let you do whatever you wanted. you had a good time with your best friend and you felt as if everything was falling back into place. he dropped you off at your house and told you that he’d call you tomorrow. the butterflies that erupted in your stomach made you feel guilty. you can’t feel like this anymore, he had a girlfriend. but oh, you craved him to be yours so bad.

you make my heart shake, bend and break, but i can’t turn away and it’s driving me wild.

summer was ending soon, and you’d be going off to college. you were terrified of losing yangyang, the days of interaction slipping away. you met yingqi twice, and you couldn’t even try to force yourself to hate her. she was an angel to you, and even wanted to be your friend. you gave her insight on yangyang, and she treated you with such respect. that night, you cried yourself to sleep. she was so perfect for him, and it hurt so bad to see her live out your dreams. hold him, kiss him, wear his hoodie and cuddle with him. you were in so deep that you couldn’t breathe. drowning in your own feelings for your friend, with no escape. how will you ever tell him that you’re in love with him when he’s in love with another? your wounds will never close, and new ones appear every time you see him with her. you promise yourself to get over him, but subconsciously you know that it’s no use. you couldn’t get him out of your head, he was your everything without even being with you. 

you were restless that night, and it showed in the morning. your parents asked if you were feeling ok, to which you said yes. no, you aren’t. you barely told them where you were going before racing out the door to yangyang’s house. you had to tell him. even if it meant jeopardizing what you had. his mom answered the door again and you sped past her, yelling a good morning and a sorry. you bust into yangyang’s room, your mind set on explaining everything. “dude, what are you doing here so early?” you don’t answer his question, getting straight into your confession. 

“yangyang i have something to say. i’m in love with you, and i have been since middle school. i’ve memorized every detail about you, from your favorite color to the way you like your eggs.  i have never told you because i was afraid of rejection. the pain it would bring me and the risk of losing you as a friend. but i’ve had enough, i can’t pretend anymore. i’m happy for you, don’t get me wrong. you’re my best friend and i’ll always support you, no matter the hurt it causes me. to be honest, i’m scared that doing this is gonna ruin what our friendship is, but i really need you to know. i’m both happy and hurting that you’re dating yingqi, and no matter how hard i try, i cannot hate her. she is so perfect for you in every way, and i hope for the best because she really likes you. being your best friend is amazing and i wouldn’t trade it for anything this universe has to offer because i care about you. so i hope this doesn’t fuck everything up, but you deserve to know and i really don’t want our dynamic to change.” you take a deep breath and look over to yangyang, who is staring wide-eyed at you, mouth agape. “you don’t have to respond. i get it if you don’t wanna be friends anymore.” he shakes his head. “i just… don’t know what to say. but we’ll never stop being best friends, ok? you mean too much to me, please remember that.”

it’s driving me wild.

[jlf23tumble]

My 1D-related fic faves of 2019

I've read a TON of great fic this year in all kinds of fandoms, Jeeeeeeeeeesus, there are so many talented writers out there, but I won't list it all here (or even list everything I bookmarked this year). Instead, I'm gonna stick with 1D-related works released in 2019 that pulled me in hard and made me stare at the wall and/or read again and/or scream about with other people, and I'll try to do it in cutesie number order because WHY NOT make it that extra level of arbitrary, lmao. I love fanfic because no matter what fandom I'm dipping in, something new is gonna jump up and kill me (this year in particular, I've subscribed to a lot of "new to me" writers that I LOVE, and I hope you know who you are [do you know who you are, etc.]). Thank you for the free gifts, for your time, for your blood, sweat, and tears! I owe you hugs, coffee, and my undying love, gratitude, and support! I'll put my list under the cut to avoid some v. v. real screen scroll rage--happy new year, y'all!

2 lactation kink fics

(aka the Jaerie category, nobody else is out there writing this even as Harry's tits get bigger and milkier and why am I the only one fully appreciating all of it?????)

I Think You're Already Home, by jaerie, Seeing Louis Tomlinson today, it would be hard to guess that he was ever once a member of the world's most famous boyband. These days he doesn't even the leave his own house. The truth is he can't leave his own house. (a December gift to remember for all of us! a/b/o dynamics, famous Louis, omega Harry--which is practically canon at this point--crippling agoraphobia, lactation-related sexiness, I would read at least ten (10) more chapters of this)

freaks from the internet, by jaerie. Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex. (I legit can't believe this came out this year, I rec it all the time! it was anon for forever, and I was low-key obsessed because I just wanted mawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr of it, and I got it, thank CHRIST)

3 fics for meeeeeeee

(These works were gifts to me, and I am so truly hashtag blessed to receive!!!)

I Just Wanna Taste It, by @homosociallyyours​. In his mind it's watermelon and sticky strawberry sweet, and he craves the feeling of his own round, firm belly warm under his hands on a summer evening. (Megan loves to kill me with Harry mpreg imaginings, and this one feels like canon to me!)

Powerless (and I Don't Care It's Obvious), by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain​. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet. (AND YET!!! I don't even know where to start with how much I love Phoenix, what a treasure her work is in ANY fandom, how shitty this particular fandom has been to her, how much I'm gonna miss harry/louis fic gifts from her in the future, how HOT this pee kink fic is in general, dot dot dot)

Tuxedo Classic Dance Party, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Instead of flying out to meet his touring boyfriend in Madrid, Louis sticks around to be responsible and do things like dance at Lady Gaga night at the gay cowboy club in West Hollywood. (Blake has written at least five fics in various fandoms that I would say are my favorite fics of all time, but they really topped themselves with this one!)

4 fic series

(I feel like there are probably loads more that qualify, but these ones grabbed me in their own particular way)

Not That Gone, by abrighteryellow/ @a-brighter-yellow​. Louis’s 20-year high school reunion takes a turn when a celebrity classmate – who also happens to be Louis’s long unrequited crush – unexpectedly shows up. (this was inspired by Chris Evans, and both parts stand on their own, tbh)

Maybe I Miss You, by 13ways. Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (from the very first story in this series, I was HOOKED, canon angst that builds up to something truly wonderful)

There's something I want to try..., by TheMagicWord. Harry wants to try something. Louis's not convinced. Until he is. (the installments are super short, super hot)

One More Time Again, by orphan_account. On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right. (I'm sad that this author orphaned, but I seem to recall her getting a TON of shit, which is unfortunate because this is a great read, and part two is an imagining where Louis goes back instead)

5 fics featuring holidays

(These ones are basically from Christmas and Halloween of this year, so quite recent!!)

once bitten and twice shy, by @pinkcords​. In a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. (the notes on this one blew me away: first-time author, pinch-hitting for a fest, and damn, a knock out)

you've set my soul to dreaming, by we_are_the_same. Thirty-year-old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall. (I'm not always into this trope, but when it's done well? NICE, and this one did it well)

when half spent was the night, by @juliusschmidt​. I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit. (girl direction advent fic with pregnant Louis that’s incredibly well done, especially given how short it is, I was so sad to see it end, but the author says something about act II coming??? YES!!!)

Fictober 2019 Collection, by flowercrownfemme/ @lesbianiconharrystyles​. Features lots of monsters and creatures and Harry Styles being a general nightmare as well as a few Girl Direction drabbles and a timestamp for Fool For You and one for Treat Mothman With Kindness. (Chloe's Halloween drabbles, each of which could outrival other stories 4x the length...she's a GIFT)

Cat & Mouse, by jaerie. It's the one day out of the year that Harry doesn't have to hide and can be himself — at least he thought so. Louis is just a little more observant than he anticipated. (I'm not a big hybrid fic fan, BUT GOD THIS STORY IS SO GOOD, it's so short I wanna cry, but so good!!!)

6 a/b/o fics

(I can handle "traditional" a/b/o if it gives me my dose of omega Harry, but I absolutely adore "untraditional" a/b/o, you know, where it actually is NOT about straight dynamics being put on a m/m or f/f couple (excuse me, a/a or o/o)...these ones NAIL IT, as did the entire gaybo ficfest)

violence of my own touch, by 14hrflight/ @silverfoxlouis​. Louis hasn’t said anything, but Harry knows something is wrong. Harry’s rut had ended a few days ago, and Louis had kept him under as best as he could. (whenever I read Chi's alpha/alpha fics, I find myself internally screaming "CHI!!!" god, do they Get It, and I really hope they continue this one!)

Amor Victorious, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Louis finds himself following Harry on a journey through Italy, complete with long train rides, greasy food, naked Christs, and too many lingering touches. They're definitely not like other tourists and he definitely doesn't have a crush on his best friend who happens to be an alpha, too. (this one came out during Thanksgiving week, so I held it to savor, and BOY, DID I SAVOR, it's so incredible, the gorgeous writing, the visceral, indescribable feeling of reading it, sighhhhhhh)

do you know me by heart, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. Harry comes back wearing alphas' scents, a pleased smile and a lace dress. Somehow, Louis still ends up making him come until he cries. (for me personally, 2019 was the year of Nina: getting to know them, catching up on all their writing, falling in love with the way they can kill us all with beautiful angst and the hint and hope of redemption...here's a tissue, you'll need it!!)

the way that you're thrilling me, by @hereforlou​. Alphas were smelly and cocky and mostly arseholes, in Harry’s experience. Or at least they were at school. He didn’t understand how his friends—lovely, soft-skinned, sweet-smelling omegas—could actually want to touch them, or be touched by them. (this is just one of the many, MANY faves I had from the gaybo ficfest, A+ all around)

Constant Debauchery, by Blake/ @newleafover​. Harry is an alpha who loves getting his mouth knotted by other alphas. Louis is happy to serve. Fun smut! But also angst and sexual awakenings. (Blake knows how to sum up their writing, lol, but YEAH, me as at least one of the comments both public and private saying they'd want to read 100k more of this)

how many nights did I crash against the waves, by Blake/ @newleafover​ Louis is going into heat and Harry thinks it's hot. (the SKILL of writing something that's 1.7k, yet builds a complete--and v. v. hot--world)

7 fics with Harry and someone else

(I still have a few I need to read in this category--I'm getting there! But these are some from my fave authors that really had me pondering some walls [heh])

I Want Your Belly, by @glasscushion​. Harry wants Adam to knock him up. Inspired by on-stage thirst, the Instagram Stories Shirt, Watermelon Sugar, and Harry’s persistent baby fever. (Adam/Harry, mpreg kink of the finest order!!)

Rachel, Nevada, by @vondrostes​. Harry has a close sexual encounter of the fourth kind. (Jeff/Harry, Rachel/Harry, and I honestly can't even BEGIN to describe this, holy WOW)

Sea Salt, by @glasscushion​. Nick's drunk, and he can't avoid his feelings forever. Set in 2013 and 2019. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles...the grylers I know had an absolute field day in terms of angst, damn!)

all my lies are safe beside you now, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals​. They both know what it was like to love Louis Tomlinson fiercely, irrevocably, ghosts of it on their skin, even if the traces were etched in vastly different ways. (Zayn/Harry, and FOR REAL, this is a huge ouch)

call me anything you like, but my name is, by @wishforwishes​. Some conversations are better left forgotten, some conversations are worth remembering, and some conversations you never get the chance to have. Featuring three mentors, two tea parties, one and a half recording studios, and a reference to Archie comics. (Harry/CHASM, essentially; LISTEN, I am obsessed with this fic, you don't need to read part one to really Get It, but the bits with Zayn, and James/Ben, and all the parts with Harry working through gender? SO GODDAMNED REAL)

Come Out and Play, by @dinosaursmate​. Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined. (ot5 orgy, so not really Harry with anyone so much as everyone with everyone, and let's call this one canon)

Like a Rolling Stone, by @vondrostes​. By the end of it, Nick realised his tea had gone cold in his hand. He’d barely taken a single sip in the hour-plus he’d been sat there, unmoving, transfixed by Harry’s songs—haunted by the knowledge of what had inspired them. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles)

8 canon fics

(This was a VERY hard category to narrow down, but yeah, a big push this year from "newer" writers = lots of nuanced fic)

Per Aspera, by @sedfierisentio​. Louis’s throat feels tight, his heart like a hammer in his chest. You know my rot, he thinks, and I know yours. I love you still. (these achingly beautiful time stamps are centered around taste, and if this fic has taught me anything, it's that buying an author a coffee has a ripple effect)

A Nullo Amato, by @sedfierisentio​. Inspired by Harry carrying books around outside LAX, a canon-compliant, Canon AU fic set between 2014 and 2015; mostly, timestamps roped together by a common theme—literature. (this was removed four years ago and reposted, so maybe it's a cheat??? i don't care, it was brand-new to me and a lot of other people, I'm so glad the author shared it again!)

no love like your love, by @dykes4louis​. A collection of tumblr drabbles. (Hima is REALLY burying the lede on this one because each of these is short and SCORCHING, her skill, check out her other works, too!)

Dancing in My Dreams, by @kingsofeverything​. Louis doesn't mean to imply that Harry's too old to dance for him, but Harry takes it that way, and sets out to prove him wrong. (this is one that *could* go in the series pile, but I love it as a standalone...feels like canon to me, regardless!)

Sonic Sounds, by @glasscushion​. "Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really...” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say "really wet." Or Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (I'll never look at those One Direction electric toothbrushes quite the same way again)

Bruised Fruit, by @glasscushion. Louis is obsessed with the way Harry smells in the heat of LA. (hey, you know what, me, too, bitch, you ain't special...the way this fic SMELLS, my god, I"m obsessed)

be my once in a lifetime, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Just like there are only four other people who will ever understand what it’s like growing up in One Direction, there’s only one other person who knows what it’s like to find your soulmate just before you’re thrown into the spotlight and forced to acknowledge that the both of you have too many flaws and vices to make it through fame together. Or: It's all about having sex and being sad. And drunk. (can u believe Nina wrote this before Fine Line???)

in this dress, by cabinbythesea. Louis is so lost in his eyes and his words he feels if a step above heaven exists, it has to be Harry. Loosely inspired by Harry’s dress from the director’s cut of Lights Up. (I sure hope we see even more fic inspired by every bit of this album/every video it produces)

9 fics by Phoenix/ @alienfuckeronmain

(This fandom doesn't deserve her, and I hope everyone's reading her other works because they're all so amazing, she's such an incredibly gifted writer, my fave of faves, my life is so much brighter with her in it...I could rec her all goddamned day, and I do slash will!!! Here are nine she cranked out this year, each one a gem in its own way)

Silver White Winters. In which Louis catches a cloud and pins it down, aka, a Sound of Music AU (the shittiness in the comments underlines why we can't have nice things, but jesus CHRIST, this is so pure and good, and she cranked it out in, like, two hours)

I don't do that dance. Harry is easily the worst ballet dancer in her whole Intro to Ballet class. Except maybe Taylor Swift. (I adore how Phoenix writes girl Harry, but the way she writes Taylor? Unparalleled...nails her perfectly!)

magic, madness, heaven, sin, by @kerasines. It’s the flashing lights painting colors on her eyelids, it’s the drumming bass competing with her heartbeat. It’s the manic energy rippling through the crowd in waves, the deafening, frenzied passion filling the stadium that remind Eleanor that she actually used to like going to concerts. (technically, this one is FOR Phoenix, from Kim, but it takes a pairing that Phoenix is making her very own, so I'm counting it, lol)

Snakes and Stones. If you call a girl a snake enough, sometimes she becomes one. Her legs lengthen and fuse, her pupils shrink to slits. She gets colder and colder, until she has to spread herself on the warm cement beside the pool, soaking in heat, sipping gin and tonics to warm her blood so she does not turn to ice and shatter to bits. (god, I'm blanking on this ship name, but El/Taylor is such an inspired pairing, and I hope that P's drabbles make it over to ao3 in full)

Something good (will come from here). Taylor does not answer, because she is too busy licking her lips and pitching forward, as if Eleanor is the sky, or the sea. (you can practically SMELL this fic, El/Taylor drabble)

I Must Confess (I Still Believe). Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl's School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever. (this fic breaks my heart, the entire experience of its production and aftermath will forever be bittersweet, a gorgeous swansong)

Only One at the Finish Line. “I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel. (Phoenix was the gaybo mod, and this was her contribution, and it is PERFECTION PERSONIFIED, fest goals)

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park. The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse. (a very good year in general for Princess Park clapbacks)

Life Saver. Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry? (this one came out a year ago tomorrow, and it had a tough birthing process, but it's so good, so hot, my love for virgin Harry gettin’ it on knows no bounds)

10 AU fics

(yes, yes, this could be LOADS longer, but I’m sticking to my theme!)

breathless for an eternity, by cabinbythesea. Harry conquers double duty on SNL and Louis wishes he was Nick Jonas. (dangggg, this came out too late for me to rec it along with my other snl-related fic, but it joins that lofty canon!)

Pretty Baby, by @littlelouishiccups. Louis helps Harry unwind after a busy week. (I was NOT expecting a new chapter in the iconic sugar baby Harry series, but HERE WE ARE)

into another (another) serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo. Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey. (this is one of my all-time fave fics, and I'm not sure what changed in it to get it reposted, but yeah, HERE FOR IT, THANK YOU!!!)

'Sup, by @mediawhorefics. All Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him. ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis. (this is so short but so tantalizing, GOD, DO I WANT MORE OF THIS UNIVERSE)

Tan Lines and Some Memories, by twoshipstiedup. Harry Styles is the indie movie darling he’d been avoiding ever since Louis saw his movie at Cannes and harbored an unreasonable grudge against him. A unicorn t-shirt finally brings them together in person. (I honestly thought we'd get more unicorn shirt fic, but this is a wonderful standard-bearer, banter city)

Bitter Tangerine, by purpledaisy/ @daisyharry. Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas. (so much ouch in this, but wow, do you feel like you're reading fully realized, realistic, growing characters)

We're Driving in Your Fast Car, by @sadaveniren. Harry felt himself light up - both with excitement and the thrill of getting what he wanted. “Really?” “Of course, anything for you." aka Louis and Harry are car thieves about to pull off a million dollar job. (another one I'd love to read more of...how did they get here, where are they going, etc.)

remember you well, by @fondleeds. Harry’s a criminal, Louis’ a cop, and they’re stranded overnight at the Motel 6. (what's with me and my love of heist/caper fics this year?)

Tied Down, by HamPalpert/ @ham-palpert. The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated. (SEE ABOVE, JESUS, I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC...ALL...THE.......TIME)

Harry Styles Cooks..., by sunsetmog. Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them. (yeah, it's a wip, yeah, I flatline every time it updates, what of it, I'm living my best life vicariously through it!!)

[prettywordsyouleft]

Dad! Kang Daniel A-Z

So I see a lot of those NSFW A-Z’s of idols and decided to try something different and do Dad! Daniel A-Z. I hope you like this, it was a bit of fun for the afternoon! These are just my thoughts, not what I expect Daniel to do in the future lol!

I’m open to writing actual Dad! Daniel fictions in the future too, if you’d like something more than scenario based!

AFFECTION

Daniel is very affectionate with his children. He loves cuddling with them, and was sad when the older girls started to grow out of enjoying his hugs constantly. He loved the feeling of being their security blanket, and relishes it whenever they let him now.

BIRTH

He was there throughout every birth. He couldn’t imagine letting you go through it all alone. Anything you needed, he got you. The type to come with a bag of snacks that he knows you like, but eats them himself because he’s grown nervous. After the first child he had a little more understanding of what was going to happen, but since each delivery was different, he would still find himself questioning how to be your biggest support. Wanted to cut the umbilical cord of your first child but felt too hesitant. Definitely did it for the others.

CONSISTENCY

Daniel is mostly consistent and follows through with your mutual parenting regime. If he’s really tired he’s most likely to give in then, and so you try your best to make sure he isn’t left alone when in that state - after your daughter convinced him to buy her the expensive doll house you had told her she couldn’t get, you weren’t prepared to take any further chances.

DAD SKILLS

Understanding how to communicate well with each of your children depending on their age and stage. Changes his language to suit their needs and all your children have always felt at ease because communication for needs and wants flows easily.

EDUCATION

Hands on approach more so than with books. Likes to set up fun experiments in the weekends to teach and play with. Very interested in sports and helps his children with them. Likes being involved in the school as much as he can and fosters a program for performance. Your children that are in school are all pretty well known because of their Dad and are very proud to point out their Dad whenever they see him at school too.

FUN

Has almost as much fun playing with some of the toys and activities as your kids do. Is known as the fun Dad within the neighbourhood and at school. The type to not batter an eye through an intense pretend tea party with the girls, and gets really into eating all that yummy pretend cake that it makes you laugh.

GETTING THROUGH PREGNANCY

Daniel was always supportive. The type to get up and buy you the thing you’re craving at 3am even if he’s just rolled into bed an hour ago. Was always worried when you suffered from morning sickness, even after the first born. Went to every scan and read pregnancy books with you in preparation. Knew when to comply and challenge your hormonal behaviours well.

HOW MANY

Four. You wanted two, he wanted three, somehow you ended up with an extra. Three girls and a boy. Whilst Daniel was thankful for his son to not outnumber him alone, he loves raising little girls and is pretty chuffed to be known as the Daughter-Daddy within your group of friends. Does a lot of rough and tough with his son, after years of tea-parties, he’s all too happy to have a son to experience new adventures with.

INTIMACY

Despite having children, your intimacy is still pretty decent. The kids groan cheekily whenever they see you both kiss, but hugging is constantly something Daniel does with you regardless. The kids all love it, snuggling up for movie night is a family favourite.

Your sex life isn’t as active as it once was, about 1-2 times a week. Which when you think about it, with four kids, it’s pretty great to be that active still!

JOB

Daniel’s idol life continued through the first baby, but after that he opted to run his own company, helping train idols with the knowledge that he gained through a very successful career. He still managed to do spot performances with WANNA ONE for anniversaries, and with his fellow MMO members, but he knew with four kids, and his age, he needed to find something more stable and city-based. His schedule was still packed, but he ensured he made time in it for activities with his family too.

KID FREE TIMES

You both made a point to have date night every fortnight where you went out for the night. Admittedly you both messed up in the beginning, still talking about the kids, but after setting the rule not to discuss anything parenting wise, your date nights became something you both looked forward to a lot.

Whenever the kids were in bed and you both were home you’d just cuddle up and catch up with each other and waking up in the morning without a kid(s) in between you was rare, but very well received (and an easy way to get in one of those more intimate sessions – normally quickly with the thrill of getting it out of the way before being disturbed to start the daily grind, hah!)

You were both looking forward to the times where your kids could go on camp, but it was a wee way off to have all four out at the same time.

LIMITS

Since he works with large groups of young people every day, loudness is never a problem for Daniel. Nor is bustling activity, because he could just lay there and supervise if he was feeling a little tired. However what he couldn’t handle was the children fighting. He literally struggled with seeing them argue or physically hit each other, it really got under his skin. He would come down on them all pretty hard then, almost regretting it as soon as his harsh words left his mouth. He would often feel pretty low after it too, turning to you for support and building himself back up as a parent.

He also found the department store with four kids all wanting this that and another thing as well; all too overwhelming and either buy them everything or nothing at all to deal with the environmental chaos.

MUM ONLY

Daniel was pretty hands on with most things, but the one thing he couldn’t deal with is sickness. If one of the kids was sick, he panicked so much that your calm and collected approach was the one chosen in the end. He’d always flitter outside the door worriedly asking you how they are every few moments, and when your second daughter broke her arm falling off her bike he was an absolute wreck. He really is emotional for his kids. Funny thing, he could take very good care of you if you’re sick. Which with four kids, when it made its rounds, you were very grateful you had him for nursing you back to health.

NUTRITION

Loves making meals for his family with you. As a unit you’re both big on meal prep. Looked up good healthy kids snacks and most of the time insists on them. But also the type to blow their entire diet and throw them on a sugar high at least once a month as a treat. Uses ice-cream as a bribery tactic often. When your eldest daughter had her first dental check and had early tooth decay signs in one of her baby teeth (lol), Daniel insisted on a month long stringent of eating well, until the tooth fell out and he realised that brushing twice a day and eating well in moderation was better than preventing pretend cake at the tea parties. The girls had been very anti-Daddy during that stage.

OUTER VILLAGE

Very close with Seongwoo’s, Jisung’s and Minhyun’s families especially and every summer would organise a vacation together. Would turn to Minhyun for a lot of parenting advice, even when you were the first out of the group to give birth. Good thing Minhyun’s full of sound knowledge!

PETS

You still have three cats and although he wanted more, it was hard for Daniel to share his cats with his kids. They would pull their tails and Daniel would just about dive on them to protect them. Spent a lot of time teaching the children the importance of respecting animals. Takes them to petting zoos often whenever he feels like there’s just not enough paws at home. Tried to convince you along with your third daughter that another cat would match the number of kids, but you didn’t buy into it so three it remains.

QUALITY TIME

Despite his schedule, Daniel insists on quality one on one time with his children. He takes each girl on a Daddy date which they all love, and often goes out with your son to play. Tries to read to each child before bed in the weekends, though your eldest now reads to him and puts him to sleep instead, oops.

REPRIMANDING

Daniel isn’t the type to like telling your children off. He’d rather negotiate and find a happy medium than scold and take things from them. He’s a sucker for their tears too, but overall if he has to; he will give them consequences and will stick to them too. Usually the harshest when he finds them physically pushing one another around, and he really has no time for disrespect in his household.

SPOILED?

Yep. The “perks” of raising three princesses means they all have princess rooms and all the things they generally wanted, except the knight in shining armour (Daniel is not prepared for this stage and often worries about it even though your eldest is only seven lol). His son has the latest games, a bunch of bikes and skateboards and the backyard is full of play equipment to entertain them for hours. The type to think of his children (and you) and buy little gifts whenever he travels. Hates when you purge the toy room as much as the kids do. He tries to be modest but the fact is, the kids have him whipped, sigh.

TECHNOLOGY

Prefers your kids to have fresh air and exercise over being in front of devices. You mirror these thoughts and were very conscious about how much time they got in front of technology. Is freaking out about when puberty hits, since your eldest is already asking for her first phone.

UNCLE

Known also as the fun uncle. Invites all the kids over in the weekend and lets them play on all the fun things at your house. Believes in child play being the best time of your lives and really instils this in all children he crosses paths with. Sungwoon is always whining to you that his son loves Daniel more than him. Comes up with crazy over the top children days with Jaehwan and you’ve given up trying to calm them down.

VALUES

Believes a family that talks about how much they love each other is the type to have a good constant flow of communication. And so he always makes sure everyone is talking well to each other, and it’s why he gets so upset when the children pick on each other.

WHAT CHANGED MOST

You wonder where your homebody of a husband went, but having kids truly made him want to make life as magical as he could for them. Even though he loved staying home, he’d always be pottering around the house doing something with them. It was somewhat a plus, because it meant you could do your own things when he was home, and allowed you some much needed me-time, but the change could still throw you off some days.

X-FACTOR (TALENTS)

Was very into seeing what talents your children would have early on and supporting it immediately. Your kids had gone through various hobbies like they had their underwear at times, but eventually you found that your eldest loved dance, your second child was in gymnastics, third loved horse riding, and your son was playing soccer and hockey. Daniel was very attentive to any need they had for pursuing their interests and was a very proud Dad with all their achievements.

YEARNING

Daniel’s life dream from here is almost complete. He’d love to move to the country one day, to let your children run free, but he likes the city life too, knowing how accessible it is for good education and amenities. Admittedly he’s happy with his four kids, but now and then, especially since Daehwi’s got his first kid on the way, Daniel can’t help but envision you pregnant again, he loved rubbing at your baby bump whenever you were pregnant.

ZZZs (SLEEP)

The kids’ bedtime starts at 7pm and the older two have until 8pm which is generally the busiest time of the night, considering it’s you putting all of them to bed alone because Daniel’s still at work. You have a routine in place which thankfully works, and you’re able to get a few hours peace to yourself until bed around midnight. Daniel is generally home around 10pm. In the weekends you both aim to sleep in, but due to poor sleep schedules from being an idol, Daniel still rises to his current schedule. Which is great because weekend cartoons with the kids is one of his favourite morning pastimes.

[symplegades]

i’m gonna do one of those old facebook note quiz things from 2010

Are you ready to answer these questions honestly even if it starts to get hard? ya How old is the last person you kissed on the lips? 27 Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with? my best friend from undergrad What were you doing at 12 am last night? getting into bed/falling asleep Does the person you like, like you back? um i hope so!!!!!!! we share a bed????? Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? unclear. maybe but i think i’d be too squeamish to do that, i’d just stand there and cry Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? nah i always have to talk it out either with them or someone else, and both options usually end in me getting over it/getting closure and going back to normal Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yep When you say you don't care do you mean it? i don’t say i don’t care very much, so i guess when i say it i do mean it? i’ll have to pay attention next time Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? yep Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? nah i kissed mike while he was still covered in shaving cream it was yikes Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? oh absolutely, like 100% of the time What's your favourite color? cool colors. <-- what i wrote in 2010 but still true What color is your shirt? grey with purple lettering What do you hear? netflix, i’m watching this movie ~out of the dark~ Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to? actually my friend kevin from grad school! i just ran into him at work Are you sitting or standing? sitting. <-- also written in 2010, also still true Are you keeping a secret from anyone? um probably Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? ya Have you kissed someone with braces? yes. <-- i don’t remember that but apparently yes Are you short? ok in 2010 i wrote yes but i think i’m actually pretty average or even taller than average. maybe i was shorter in 10th grade What would your last name be if you were married to the last person you texted? ok i just texted like 3 people at once. i guess velez Last picture comment was from? did this mean, like, on myspace or facebook? idk who was the last person to comment on my fb photos. oh actually you know what a friend of a friend went through all my public posts including photos and commented on all of it and it was rly offputting, so that’s who How was your day overall? p good, i applied to 2 jobs and got called back for a second interview for another job (FINALLY) Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? probably SOMEONE in the world. maybe my ma Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them? ok mike tried to kiss me after our first date but i was like no that is creepy. and looking back i’m like aw so sweet we shoulda kissed! but no it was still uncomfy that he was trying to kiss me a very short time after we first met Are you anyone's first love? pls. sure i guess, people in high school. Could you handle living together with the last person who texted you? lol maybe? i’ve never considered it. prolly we could find agreements/common ground So, the person you like, their name starts with a B, doesn't it? it does not. <-- still true Is the person you last texted single? negative. <-- also still true Do you think age matters in relationships? i mean it’s totally dependent on context. we talking about 16 and 18 year olds or 16 and 32 year olds? i guess it always MATTERS it just depends on how it matters, like being similar ages kinda matters bc you’ve had similar life experiences at similar points in history and being very different ages matters bc you gotta wonder what’s going on. but once you’re over like, 25 i feel like bigger age gaps are more acceptable depending on what’s going on in folks lives. idk. How is your hair right now? it’s okay, up in a pony. actually i thought it was in a bun but i just touched it and it is a pony, usually it’s a bun when i’m home Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? nah he’s cool, although sometimes i have trouble following his thought process Where was your default picture taken? my prof pic on fb was taken at columbia Who's the last person you took a picture with? yikes, ahhhh... probably mike. Are you waiting for something? a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you get your last bruise? who knows. <-- still true. i’m not sure i currently have any bruises? Do you believe in love? yes. <-- still true What are your plans for the summer? ikea with sami tomorrow, permit on monday, kate's birthday party monday night, possibly beach with em sara hayley + meg on tuesday, dermatologist on wednesday, california with sami from friday to tuesday, one week home, to maine for 2 weeks, one week home to schedule driving time and finish summer reading and find a job. wooo!

^^^^^sorry i just wanna preserve that 2010 message bc it’s so wholesome and high school-ish and carefree.

my actual summer plans are just intense job hunting and getting a job. then maybe planning a trip home or to maine, then planning a china trip but probably won’t happen this summer. What was your first thought this morning? wa wa why is my alarm going off Have you kissed anyone this month? ya Could you date someone taller than you? sure Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again? uhhh. yeah i’m sure there are things i didn’t do great. idk? Have you ever gotten butterflies from someone? oh yes. <-- lol wtf? “oh yes”? ya sure idk Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts? sometimes. i think when i was younger it was more exciting but now i’m kinda relieved when i wake up and don’t have notifications. Ever had braces? nope. <-- still true Do you enjoy Taco Bell or McDonalds? i haven’t eaten either in ages even tho i want to but i know i’ll just get diarrhea. but i’d probably get mcdonalds given the choice Have you ever walked on the beach at night? oh yes. <-- oh yes?? anyway the most prominent “walking on the beach at night” story was when i was on spring break with my friends in ghana (or maybe we were in togo?) and we got stuck in this beach house like a mile down this deserted beach and it was like 2am and we’re walking and all super scared bc we’re a bunch of american girls in a foreign land and then 2 random dudes come out of nowhere and we’re all like NO LEAVE US ALONE and they somehow follow us to our house? and like try to come in? and we’re all f r e a k i n g out bc we’re afraid they’re gonna attack us but then my friend who is naive and trusting opens the door and we’re all screaming like DON’T OPEN THE DOOR but then i guess he just asked if we like... needed matches or something. anyway it was a lot What were you doing at 2AM this morning? sleeping.  <-- still true Let me guess, your last incoming call was from the opposite sex? nope it was mike’s mom Has a girl sat on your bed before? yes although actually i don’t think that has happened in this apartment? no one ever really goes in the bedroom except mike and me. but maybe in the old apartment girls had sat on my bed before. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? chatting with my friend and getting my thread organized Ever kissed anyone 18 or older? lol ya Math or English? womp. english? i’m poop at math now i haven’t taken it since i was a freshman in undergrad Do you have any twins in your family? i don’t think so, which is surprising bc it’s a pretty big family Are you shy? depends on the setting and how comfy i am feeling Are you close with your siblings ? meh depends on the day. i think sometimes my middle sister mom’s me too much/nags me/treats me like a baby. You'd say "Fuck you" to your ex, ain't I right? which ex? i mean probably not, what’s the point? How you feeling? kinda hungry Will you ever run away and get married in Las Vegas with no notifications to either of your families? lol nooooooooo What do you think of boyfriends/girlfriends calling each other by food names? i think it is hilar and i wish mike and i did it If you're single, then why don't you get a boyfriend/girlfriend ? not single but also this question unnecessarily adheres to the gender binary also even if i was single i don’t need a partner heck! When was the last time you were craving to get drunk? wah not in a while, i can’t hold my alcohol and mike doesn’t drink so it’s not very fun I don't know about you, but I like saying "fuck" a lot. Do you? not like a LOT. when appropriate Do you think you'll be one of those people that will get a divorce in the future? eep i hope not? does anyone consider themselves “one of those people”? Who did you last hug? my best friend from undergrad Have you ever done something that was really bad for yourself? dur Is it worth crying over a guy or a girl? i mean... crying is crying. it’s not a question of worth it or not. if you wanna cry then cry Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? ya but we’d need to do a lot of emotional repair Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? oh absolutely i was trying to pretend that i wasn’t running horribly late but i was and i made her stand around for so long and she was pissed Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? probably Are you wearing pants? shorts. does that count? <-- same Would you date someone twenty years older than you? womp not right now i’d feel a bit yikes. maybe if i was like 60 and they were 80 or something. it feels better to me if we’re both old lol Is your birthday in less than 6 months? nah Would you ever quit a bad habit for someone? i did actually! i was still smoking a bit when mike and i got together and he really hated it/asked me to stop Have you ever felt guilty about something you didn’t do? oh absolutely lol i feel lots of emotions about everything Do looks matter the most to you? nah Are you looking forward to tomorrow? meh Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yeah! What are you doing after this? probably gonna make french fries Is something bothering you? unemployment ;( Three days from now, will you be in a relationship? i don't even know if i'm in a relationship NOW. <-- o shit 2010 alicia??? wyd?? you good???

anyway ya i hope so Has someone ever made a promise with you and broke it? i’m sure Will your next kiss be a mistake? hope not! Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? we goin on 3 years here so Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? mommy. <-- still true!! we literally talk every day if not multiple times a day. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? nope! What are you doing tomorrow? sigh probably clean... apply for another job. cross stitch lol What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? he still likes me (: <-- i’m so sad for 2010 me. what is going on? i’m so sad.

and i have no clue what my last thought was, i think i was wondering if mike wanted me to stop leaning on his arm Do you get along more with girls or guys? girls are beautiful and perfect and guys are yikes until proven otherwise next Do you remember who you liked on New Years? lol ya this same guy Have you ever intentionally pissed someone off? probably? Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be? nah The person you fell hardest for calls, what do you say? hey!!! how's phoenix?! why are you talking to me and not your arizona brethren? <-- ooooooooooh it’s when i dated this white missionary boy who i loved so much but he def did not love me but i was like, just totally infatuated. my best friend from high school refers to this boy as my renaissance bc i after dating him i started dating much cuter people lol

um anyway it’s hard to quantify who i fell hARDEST for i guess? i mean i’m currently in the process of marrying mike so i think he wins. if he called i would ask how bar night was and when the transformers movie is starting bc he got free tix from work Do you think someone has feelings for you? lol he better Have you done anything sneaky lately? hm hm. i don’t think sneaky. Do you find smoking unattractive? sigh i shouldn’t but i do think it makes ppl look sooooo COOL Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? ya we like live together How many cigarettes have you smoked today? zero. <-- still true! Kissed someone who's name started with an N? hmmmmm. when i studied abroad i kissed a LOT of people so i’m sure one of their names started with N When was the last time something bothered you? lol what? constantly? Was last night terrible? nah it was good just a quick turnaround of getting home and going to bed. i ate a lot of watermelon which was gr8 What does your hair look like right now? pony-ish First person to speak to you in '09? lmfao damn i’m dating myself. idfk. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to? i mean, i’m not worried about losing them, but yes i’d be afraid or upset if i lost them Are you basically a happy person? i hope so! Do you wish you could take things back? meh. no regerts and all that Have you ever wondered what life would be like without your best friends? omg what?? no?? it would be terrible?? Last person to make you seriously mad? prolly bigots Be honest, are you starting to gain feelings towards anyone? i’m like 3 years in so Do you think relationships are even worth it? well fuck i hope so lol Does anyone completely understand you? i mean no one will ever ~~completely~~ understand me but ya i have lots of people i am close to and whom i trust a lot Did you hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yep! Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? lol yes smh Where do you see your ex in 5 years? sigh i have a lot of ex’s don’t put me on blast like this. a few of them are already married so. idk. employed? Your ex runs into you and hugs you, what do you do? which. one. actually it doesn’t rly matter bc if any of them did that i’d be like wat Who was your last missed call from? my dad, we were playing phone tag on father’s day Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? yeah one from my best friend from high school saying “wtf” bc i told him about how rats can eat snakes if you’re not paying attention when you feed your snek When you and your friends are out and about do you usually get dirty looks? wut? i mean no but probably when i was a teen or preteen we were annoying and did get dirty looks Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films? i lOOOve these films but if it’s about like home invasions i get scared, or like things that live in your house Favorite fruit? god i love fruit. raspberries, applies, cherries (but i’m allergic now :(((((((( ), melon, oranges, the whole shebang. When someone says "we need to talk," what runs through your mind? yikes.com What are your chances of getting with your crush? smh i think they’re pretty good Who did you talk to on the phone last, and why? mom bc i was walking home and wanted to chat with her Do you always answer your phone? yes always Ever worn something of the opposite sex's clothing? dur Which do you enjoy more, to eat or sleep? lmao ahhhhhh i guess eat. Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? i mean, yes i have a partner who is a man who i love dearly but he’s not like ALWAYS on my mind, like rn i’m not rly thinking about him but i do care for him a lot and think of him often/want to share most things with him Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you? who??... is my latest ex...... either that aaron guy from okcupid or -- omg CONNOR sigh omg poor boy i hope he’s okay. i hope he doesn’t think about me omg Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? mike Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? i mean what’s EVERYTHING... like within reason yeah Your best friend tells you, you have a drug problem, you say? ah i love you and we will get through this lets research our options together

[wingsporkhalo]

“Fate’s Flawed Design”: an old original story by MysticDelphox97-- Chapter 2

I know, I know, I should be putting up chapters 6 and 7 of Evva: Agent of Shield, but I didn’t want to put those up until I had more of it recorded. It is totally coming soon though.

Also, just as a note to everyone, starting May 8th, I’ll be taking some summer classes (three of them, although only one of them starts May 8th; the others start in June), so I may not post as much! Or who knows; maybe I’ll post MORE because I need the stress relief that only laughing at bad stories can provide. Either way, I hope you’ll be patient with me! C:

All right, let’s delve into Chapter 2 of “Fate’s Flawed Design,” otherwise known to @mysticdelphox97 and me as “The Cringe.” In this chapter, Remy writes a story even stupider than this one and spends entire paragraphs talking about how beautiful her dog’s eyes are, and also discusses Leaf’s “hoe-craving father.”

If you missed Chapter 1, it’s over here.

Fate’s Flawed Design

With me, disaster finds a play field. Love seems to draw dark twisted pleasure tearing at me, Cause I can't let you go. Mercy, like water in the desert, shines through my memory, like jewelry in the sun. Where are you now?

~Lyrics from Dreaming Wide Awake, by Poets of the Fall

Wing: those angsty lyrics doe

Mystic: they're in every. single. fucking. chapter

Chapter 2: Back Story

“Seriously? Leaf got jumpy like that on you?”

I nodded, looking at the laptop screen that portrayed Kyle and his room.

Wing: Portrayed It was just like, a fanart of it, I guess

We were currently chatting on VideLog 2.0, which is sort of like the Skype that people used when it came out in 2003, nearly 22 years ago.

Wing: Wait, this story is supposed to take place 25 (or so) years in the future?

Mystic: from the looks of it, apparently?

Wing: Come to think of it, I think you did give a year in the last chapter. But I didn't see any descriptions of new/invented technology, so I totally forgot.

I sat on my bed, resting against my pillows and the headboard. The Instant Messaging icon kept blinking, meaning someone was trying to contact me, but I ignored it. Right now I was in the middle of an important conversation with Kyle.

“The incident with the Populars shook her up. You know how they treat her,” I said.

Wing: Yeah, how dare they want to ask a question

“Yeah, no kidding. I saw what they did last year, when I had her in my class. God, it was terrible, I’m surprised they never got in trouble.”

“That’s because they had built a sympathy relationship with the teachers. I think the only teacher that cracked them was Mr. Lockwood, before he was replaced by Mrs. Brightly after he got a job in California.”

Wing: A “sympathy relationship”? Is that a relationship formed only because of sympathy? Like, you just saw a girl get viciously and publicly dumped so you walk over and say “So uh...he was a jerk, right? Do you want a cupcake, my treat?” (I would totally do that.)

Kyle grunted in agreement. “It’s too bad she won’t be in the same high school as us though. She’s going to some specialty school, right?”

“Yup. She’s going to The Learning Clinic,

Wing: “Clinic”? That doesn’t sound like a school...

which is near the town of Pomfret. So, she’s going to be moving…” My voice cracked slightly. The thought of Leaf moving away was… unbearable.

“Well, at least she’ll be going to a good place. And Pomfret isn’t that far away, because some of the students there go to the same high school as we will be,” Kyle stated, trying to reassure me. It wasn’t exactly working.

“Come on, Remy. I know you’re upset about this, but it isn’t like Leaf’s moving across the continent! Christ, I don’t think her family can afford that.

Wing: You don’t have to tell Christ. He already knows.

And from what Leaf told me, her mother is going to get her a cell-phone for graduation, so when you get yours, you can still be in contact with each other.”

“Wait… Leaf’s getting a cell phone?” I asked. Leaf never mentioned anything like that to me…

“She didn’t tell you? Well, that’s weird. I thought you knew, since you’d be one of the first to know,” Kyle said. Then his eyebrows furrowed. “She really didn’t say anything?”

I shook my head.

“Not even a hint?”

Again.

“That is totally freaky.”

I sighed. “Well, it’s not like I would have cared anyways.”

“Why not?”

“Because, isn’t it more convenient to use a regular docked phone?”

Wing: LOL, and this is supposed to be in the future. Adorable.

Mystic: pffffffttt

“Leafsters

Wing: Stop that.

would’ve wanted you to care, Remy, because unlike us, she doesn’t have a laptop to use, and you know how her mom feels about her using the docked phone constantly. Who knows, maybe you’ll get one by graduation too. That way you’ll never lose each other.” There was a brief noise from Kyle’s end. He turned around, answered it, and then focused back on me. “Sorry, Rems—I have to leave now. My grandma wants me to help her cook dinner.”

“Its fine, Kyle. You know where to find me.”

Wing: Next to a docked phone?

He smiled and then disconnected. I stared at the empty screen, with a blinking banner across it that read: “Your conversation ended. To reconnect, click on the refresh button at the bottom of the window.” I didn’t need to though, because Kyle was done talking to me.

Wing: Oh, thank goodness you reminded me. I was beginning to forget that, since it said Kyle had to go a whole two paragraphs ago.

He had a point though. If Leaf was getting a cell phone for graduation, then if I got one, we’d always be in touch. And yes, I did care that she was getting one. I was supposed to two months ago, on my birthday in March, but we were very tight on money then. My dad said he would make it up to me, but I don’t want to get it by High School, because what if I can’t get a hold of Leaf then?

Wing: ...Uh...what? Wing: You...don't want to get it by Strangely Capitalized High School? But wouldn't it be good if you got it by then??

I know I sound all defensive and possessive of her… but after seeing what she had to go through, and having to stick up for her for nearly eight years… who wouldn’t be?

Wing: Look, buddy, just because you “had to stick up for her for nearly eight years” doesn’t mean you get to decide how she conducts her social life. She’s not a freaking sculpture that you’ve spent eight years molding. Also, you don’t sound like a very nice friend. Your wording makes it sound like you resent having defended her and stuck by her. What a jerk

I got up and placed my laptop on my desk, closing the lid. My cat clock started mewling, signaling five o’ clock. I had done my Science and Social Studies already. My English assignment I haven’t even looked at.

I dug around in my backpack to find my English folder. We weren’t using the books at the moment because we covered all the material for the year. I checked my planner for what was due: my story plot for the Creative Writing project. I grabbed my purple notebook, which held a lot of crucial details for my story. I had the characters narrowed down except for their names, but it was the plot I needed help with.

I looked at my first main character, a round teenage girl

Wing: "a round teenage girl" omfg ROUND REALLY  BWAHA

Mystic: SHES SPHERICAL

Wing: JUST ROLL HER DOWN A FREAKIN HILL

who has low self-esteem and is often picked on by her peers. She has a crush on a “hot” guy, who is dating some snob.

Wing: I like how "hot" is in quotation marks, like Remy can't really see how guys could be "hot" :3c

The guy is my second main. He’s a jock who is a major flirt and doesn’t care which girl he dates, as long as he is never bored. My third main is a geeky boy who has a crush on the main girl, but has an odd way of showing it. I personally like the geek because not only is he funny to admire, he has guts for trying to prove his worth. I have secondary characters as well, but it mainly focuses on those three, because of the love triangle.

Wing: Pick a teen-oriented rom-com movie. Any of them. Bam. you wrote a summary for it.

How exactly I was going to incorporate my horror theme to this angsty thing, I have no clue.

I ran it over my head. Self-conscious girl who isn’t skinny but certainly not obese,

Wing: Well of course not. Obese people can’t be sympathetic characters./sarcasm

dealing with peer pressure and feelings for the hottest guy in school. Said hot guy who isn’t into serious relationships and is a bit of a jerk. A geeky boy who loves the girl, but no matter how hard he tries to show her, she doesn’t seem to notice.

Geeky boy actually has some potential…possibly for a murder? But it wasn’t just Geekster that has it—Insecure Girl does too. And Too-Hot-To-Be-Cool Guy.

Wing: Wha?

It hit me like a bull.

Wing: At least it wasn't like a car t-boning you [boos and OHHHHHHs heard from audience. I shrug and give a smirk.] I know, I know, I'm awful. Poor Charlie. Also, all of this is hitting me like a lot of bull too. [more booing] Tough crowd.

Mystic: PFFFFFFF

I began to scribble down plot ideas that could include an angsty-romance, as well as horror. Gore counted, right?

Wing: No.

Well, that’s what I put down.

The plot was that there was no definite plot.

Wing: Seinfeld: The Novel

That each arc has its own story. Arc 1 will have the girl, who turns emo

Wing: OMFG

and takes her classroom hostage, fed up with the insults and the fear of her school, and plans to eliminate the sources. Arc 2 is Geeky, who gets tired of trying to please Insecurity, so he kills her, then kills Hotsauce because he’s the reason why she never fell in love with him, then he goes insane from it and commits suicide. Arc 3 is about Hotsauce, who tries to find love but never does, so after he starts dating the snob, he starts to go insane and decides to kill the snob, because he felt that all she wanted was the drama and to vacuum his wallet dry, and she wanted to be the first to get laid by him, so he “loved” her then slowly tortures her to death. I’m thinking of a fourth arc too, but I’m not that far yet.

Mystic: I was so appalled by the whole "the plot is that there is no plot!" like????? doesn't a story need a plot??? Whhhh???

Wing: what the fuck even with the story tho Wing: I would never feel okay with turning something like that in to a MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER

Mystic: I KNOW Mystic: honestly wtf was eighth-grade me thinking???

I think Arc 3 might be a bit M-Rated,

Wing: Okay, 1) What, all the killing wasn’t M-rated enough for you?! and 2) JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THIS HYPOTHETICAL STORY COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE, THE MIDDLE SCHOOL AUTHOR DECIDES TO PUT PORN IN IT. GREAT

but there’s a good chance that the Creative Writing project won’t be finished by school’s end.

And there’s a very good chance that Mrs. Llaydeu would butcher it anyways, if she ever found out.

Wing: YO, SHE'S NOT THE ONE DOING THE BUTCHERING HERE, APPARENTLY

Mystic: yeesh its a good thing i got therapy like shit

Wing: At least you were writing about someone else writing about another person doing it, and not doing it yourself LOL

Mystic: AND YET THIS EXISTS

Wing: IT WAS YOUR SELF-THERAPY Wing: WHICH PROBABLY ACTUALLY WASN'T HELPFUL FOR ANYTHING MORE THAN FRUSTRATION-RELIEF, BUT STILL Mystic: well at least it proved successful at times. there's about six of these chapters lol

So I think I need to make a back-up plot just in case. I decided to make it a classic teenage angst-story where Insecurity realizes that Hotsauce isn’t all that she thought he was and instead goes to Geeky. I honestly liked my original much more.

Wing: Go back to watching Higurashi, Remy

The backup has a cheesy setting, yeah, I know, but it’s better than no plot, and it’s just in case I get caught by Mrs. Llaydeu.

Wing: "Just in case I get caught by Mrs Llaydeu"?? YOU KNOW, YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT ON YOUR OWN TIME. HOW SHE GONNA "CATCH" YOU WRITING STUFF YOU WRITE AS A HOBBY?? WTF, REMY?? JUST WRITE YOUR MURDERFEST FOR YOURSELF AND WRITE SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOUR ASSIGNMENT. THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT PROBLEM TO SOLVE

I might actually continue with the original if I really wanted to. Or it just might as well end up as one of those stories you’re so into, but then you just drop it and lose inspiration.

Wing: Ouch that hits a little close to home Mystic: oof yeah

Yeah, I know, I have a very horrific side when it comes to stories. I’m sort of like the next Stephen King, a bit.

Wing: I'm sorry, is your ego Santa's list? because you need to CHECK IT. TWICE.

Mystic: remy dear you aint Stephen king YOU FUCKIN NUTS

But hey, who knows, right? You definitely won’t catch me writing some chic-fic or whatever though,

Wing: Because of the way "chic" is actually pronounced, I'm pronouncing that "sheek feek"

because I’m just as girly as Kyle is gay, which he isn’t.

Wing: [narrows eyes] I find your specific denial highly suspicious...

I could smell my mom’s broccoli potato soup cooking downstairs. So, soup tonight with just me in the house and Rocky, because Dad is living with his brother in Massachusetts, while I’m stuck in Connecticut at the moment. But last I heard, Dad was planning on buying a house closer to where I’ll going to High School next year. I’ve seen the school, the only thing I haven’t done was shadow, because I was too fucking lazy to.

Wing: a) How do you shadow a fucking school and b) calm the fuck down with your language, young lady

Mystic: oh that's actually a thing Mystic: see eighth graders could "shadow" a freshman at my high school for a day to see how a typical day on campus was like

Wing: oh okay you didn't say shadow a student tho Wing: it sounds like she wants to shadow the school, not shadow AT the school LOL

Well, at least there’s summer to take a tour around the school. The only thing I’m insecure about is transportation, because I don’t know if the bus that picks up my neighbor will pick me up at the same time or whatever. We’ll see though.

“Remeleen, supper’s just about ready. Can you come and set the table?” Mom asked from the first floor.

“Coming, mom!” I called.

I leapt from my bed and went down the flight of stairs, taking a turn into the living room and then through to the kitchen. The dining room was a small area, with a simple table that could fit four people, and it had cabinets for the plates, bowls, eating utensils, and cups. I set it for two before hitting the couch to look for some television series. I found one of haunted houses and watched that for fifteen minutes, with Rocky cuddled up on my lap.

After Mom placed the food on the table, I nudged Rocky off and headed to my usual seat, which was across from Mom. We ate our supper quietly, which was the broccoli potato soup, salad with dressing and fixings, and pieces of oven-bread to dip in our soup.

Wing: "Oven-bread"? Is that bread that only lives in ovens? Is it like, homemade bread??

Mystic: ...bread that's made in the oven i guess?

Wing: So like... ...bread, then.

When I finished, I grabbed Rocky’s leash, clipped it to his collar, and took him for a walk.

Walking Rocky was probably the best thing to do at my mom’s, because she doesn’t take us out to eat or does anything fun with us, in fact. The only fun things we ever did was always involved with Dad, who arranged most of the activities.

Wing: Cringing at "does" and "was" in those sentences

Mom only went with us if she found someone to watch the house, even for just a few hours. I know it may sound harsh, especially to my mom, but I kind of agree with my dad; she does need some sort of therapy help. Obsessing over a house isn’t healthy, and we live on one of the safest neighborhoods, because it’s not as packed with residents as the huge estates, like where Marybeth lives, at Grey Hound’s Landing. Her house has been robbed, broken into, and damaged so many times for her whole life, that it’s hard to keep track of the exact number.

Wing: Jfc. Maybe she should move?? Also I don't really think huge estates get broken into??? Wing: Huge estates can generally afford security???

Mystic: very unrealistic i agree

So compare that to our homely situation

Wing: Remy obvs doesn't know that "homely" means "plain" or "ugly"

(which hasn’t been robbed before, thanks to Mom), and you can tell that she needs to lighten up. Even just a bit.

Rocky pulled a little on the leash, and I gave it a sharp, quick tug to pull him back. He looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes that remind me of storm clouds. It’s like they could just pull you into a dream, a small fantasy, which had helped me calm down before. When I imagined being in a calm, relaxed state, Rocky’s magnificent irises appear. They give you a sense of dreaming, but it’s not considered day-dreaming. It’s more than that. It’s like you’re dreaming with your eyes wide open, visioning things that you’ve never imagined of before. It’s a very comforting experience.

Wing: Jfc. Remy spends a whole paragraph talking about how beautiful her dog's eyes are. Should I be worried

Mystic: obviously remy is a furry

Wing: ROFLLLLL

If only Rocky were around when Dad and Mom were first arguing, when I was only seven years old. It was two years after that when my dad left, but he bought Rocky as Charlie’s, Amy’s, and my present before departing in November. That was the worst Thanksgiving ever, because Mom didn’t let him come, worried he might bring home a girlfriend. He never called that day either. And then Christmas, he dropped off presents, two for each of his kids … none for Mom.

Then, right before Amy’s birthday in April, he says that he has been living with a woman he met on the internet. And that he broke up with her. Then, a week later, he called the house phone. I was only nine then, but I still loved my dad.

Wing: ...Because...everyone knows that people stop loving their dads at age 8?...

I picked up the phone since Mom was putting Amy to bed. I knew something was wrong right away; his voice was slurred and hard to understand. He said awful names that he thought were being directed to Mom… but it was me. I cried, telling Dad to stop, I wasn’t Mom. He said something I’ll never forget:

“Oh, I’m sorry (hiccup) sweetie. Can ya tell your (hiccup) your Mom what I said? She needs to kno-(hiccup)-ow what a true bitch she is, and how much Hannah (his now ex-girlfriend) loves me.”

Wing: I like how her dad takes the time to pronounce "hiccup" in (somehow) verbal parentheses, and also reminds Remy of who Hannah is

Mystic: wait who's hannah

Wing: According to the story: “Oh, I’m sorry (hiccup) sweetie. Can ya tell your (hiccup) your Mom what I said? She needs to kno-(hiccup)-ow what a true bitch she is, and how much Hannah (his now ex-girlfriend) loves me.”

Mystic: OHHHH

Wing: I guess you needed Remy's dad to parenthetically explain to you.

Mystic: Pfft it's not very memorable xD

Wing: Shrug. It's a palindrome, at least. Wing: Also, I don't think he's drunk. If he's hiccupping that much, he probably just has hiccups.

That was the first time I swore at my father. I pulled the ones I knew that Mom and Dad would say sometimes, but rarely in front of us. I threw the phone to the ground and ran to Mom, crying, sobbing, and yelling about what happened.

I refused to speak on the phone with him since.

When my dad realized what had happened, he tried desperately to earn my trust back, so far as breaking up with his ‘girlfriend’ again (at least, as far as I know) and moving in with his brother. I’m happy that he’s trying, but… I still can’t get over it. How can I, a typical Daddy’s-Little-Girl figure, who was part of something that should have never, ever have happened? I still have a grudge, knowing that it’s gonna happen again, knowing that that was the bullshit my mom had to go through.

Both of them are neither right nor wrong. My dad’s not the perfect husband, but he jumps right back and tried to mend the pieces instead of finding another slut to knock up again.

Wing: Jfc. How is the nameless hypothetical woman who only exists to demonstrate a point in this specific sentence STILL being blamed here??

My mom has always been there emotionally for us, but her possessive behavior can get overwhelming. But sometimes, they both can have their moments where they just lash out. Mom did that to me when she thought I was defending Dad about something (I was only stating what happened!). Even Dad, who would compare me to my mom, mostly for mistakes and when I get obsessed and stressed over something he considers ‘stupid.’

The two of them are not perfect, but they’re not messed up like Leaf’s hoe-craving father.

Wing: "Leaf's hoe-craving father" I'm cracking up omg spelling it like that just makes it sound like he's REALLY into gardening ROFLLLL seriously though hoe-craving HE CRAVES THEM HOS

"How ya feelin, dad?" "Well, if I'm being honest, I have a bit of a craving right now." "Oh, really? For what?" "FOR A NICE HOT JUICY HO. THIS HO CRAVING WILL NOT BE SUPPRESSED"

Mystic: OH MY GOD

I just … only wish … we could be a real family again. I wish that Charlie was walking with me, instead of bruised, battered and broken at the hospital. I wish Amy was here too, because she’s an amazing conversationalist and knows how to brighten my spirit. I wish that Dad hadn’t been drunk that night nearly four years ago, and that Mom wasn’t obsessive over everything and more enjoyable to be around. I wish everything was different! I want my dad back, like the father I knew six years ago, instead of someone who’s trying to be that same dad but isn’t; and I want a mom who acts like she cares and isn’t obsessed over some god-fucking-damned house! I just… I just…!

Jesus Christ!

Wing: Aww, the writing here is very raw and emotional, though. I can tell it came from real emotions you felt and I wanna hug you :C <33 Mystic: Oh gosh senpai ;; it's ok that was a long time ago! Wing: I knowww, but like, I'd feel just... AWFUL if I continued trampling all over this thing you wrote without acknowledging that you were undoubtedly very sincere about it at the time and it is a reflection of who you were emotionally back then. Y'know? So, Younger!Mystic, just, keep trying, you're awesome, and I love you ;-; Mystic: SENPAAAIIIIIIIIIIII ;A; Wing: KOUHAAAAAAAAI ;n;

I broke down right then and there, collapsing on the curb and crying, no, sobbing my emotions out. I was surprised later on that the neighbors didn’t hear me, even though I swear I was loud enough for somebody to notice. I felt Rocky brush up against me, sitting on his haunches and nuzzling me. His pitiful whimper brings my head up, which he takes advantage of and licks my face.

I sort of laughed, trying to lighten myself up, but the tears didn’t stop. My face was heated uncomfortably, even though the night was much cooler than at dismissal earlier today. My eyes stung from crying so hard.

Then those piercing, gentle canine eyes met mine, and the negative feelings start to simmer down. Rocky tilted his head and whined in concern. I stroked his head, feeling the soft fur on top.

“Oh Rocky, what a mess this has become,” I said, choked by the hurt, anger, and sadness that began to bubble again. But Rocky’s intense gaze kept them from overflowing. “I know it’s nothing like Leaf’s dad, or her mom or whatever … but … it hurts … it--” I spurted out a sob,

Wing: Aaaaand then the mood was broken at the sentence "I spurted out a sob" Like, just spewed that sob everywhere It got on the pavement and everything

Mystic: JUST SPURT THAT SPIT EVERYWHERE REMY Mystic: JUST LIKE AUDREY

sniffled, then continued, “it’s like what she said. Life never works the way you want it for anyone. Instead … it challenges you, sees how much you’ll try to make the best, until you do crack from the pressure and shut down.” There was silence for a few moments before I asked: “Do you know if that’s right?”

Rocky only barks.

Wing: Suddenly in the present tense.

I laughed shortly. “Course you didn’t,” I muttered. I then turned my body to face the husky and Akita mix, who has a smile on his muzzle, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Wing: omg, the dog is smiling Wing: the DOG is SMILING

Mystic: SMILING DOGGO

Wing: it reminds me of when I was doing the first spork that I ever did for tumblr, which was more in the format of reviews/summaries for every chapter, and I got SO MAD about the introduction of a fucking husky into the story for NO REASON and it was magically intelligent and could do really cool stuff and NODDED WHEN THE MARY SUE SAID THINGS

Mystic: pffffff omg xD

“You’ll be there for all of us, right? Not just me; I’m sure Amy and Charlie will need you as well … especially Mom. I know she doesn’t really like you, but … I’m sure she’ll want someone with her in her time of need.”

He moaned in that cute, doggish way of his,

Wing: "He moaned in that cute, doggish way of his" The Remy x Rocky is real/I'M GOING TO HELL

Mystic: BRUH Mystic: REMY CONFIRNED TO BE INTO BESTALITY

Wing: CAN'T SPELL BESTIALITY WITHOUT "BEST"/SATAN IS CALLING FOR ME

Mystic: OH MY GOFD

and placed his head on my shoulder. After I collected myself and found the strength to carry my own weight, I got up and walked Rocky back home, even though we didn’t get out too far.

We got back home at around 7:30. Mom asked what I was doing coming back so early, but I ignored her. Although I vented to Rocky, I knew I needed a person to talk to. I haven’t the guts to tell Mom, and I’m sure Kyle is busy with his Grandma and talking to Marybeth. Leaf is very limited to talking on the phone, but she’s one of the few I knew would understand.

The one person I never would have thought of came to mind instantly.

I grabbed the home phone and retreated to my room. I looked thoroughly in a small box that I kept under my bed, looking for that number. I found it, the simple, pink-heart sticky note, with a carefully handwritten cell number and the name of the contact. I smiled when I recognized it.

Erika.

She was one of my best friends, but she moved to Killingly last year.

Wing: Killingly??? THAT'S not a horrible name for a place or anything

Mystic: That's a real place lol Mystic: my community college is actually in Kilingly

Wing: omg, that's, whoa, I. I mean I knew there were places called that, but geez, just. What a horrible name LOL

I always kept in touch with her though, because she is the best girl ever,

Wing: Add another stone reading "gay" to the pile I've made for Remy

and I used to always have heart-to-heart conversations with her. She was close to Leaf as well, and part of our CSI games that we played when we were younger. Erika also had a thing for sassing things up with the popular group; she was a bit of a Mary Sue when standing up to bullies,

Wing: ????????????what??????????

Mystic: remy don't know what a mary-sue is apparently

Wing: like if anyone's the Mary Sue here, sweetie...

Mystic: PFFFFF EXACTLY

but she was targeted because of one thing: she was an orphan. I met her foster parents, and they were very nice, despite the obvious differences in their appearance when compared to their child, who had Puerto Rican characteristics. But Erika was very happy to have a doting family, and to just have one at all, because she saw what the orphans at the orphanages had to go through. Some had given up hope for finding a family, since many were rejected because they were teenagers and not cute babies or adorable little kids.

Wing: You make them sound like dogs and cats at the pound.

Erika’s real parents gave her up because they didn’t want the responsibility (they were teenage parents, by the way)

Wing: ...And this was necessary to mention why?

to take care of a baby. So, Erika was brought up by the Nuns

Wing: They were very important Nuns that required capitalization.

that ran the orphanage that she was put into. She grew up inside there until she was ten years old, and then attended my middle school. I loved her because of her spunk, despite her past, and she was patient enough to listen to even a Popular’s angsty story. And she gave pretty good advice, too. She was the most natural mediator I have ever seen. Why else would Mrs. Jillian have picked her as one of the Peer Mediator Officers at our school?

We haven’t spoken to each other in a while, which, now that I think about it, makes me nervous. Please, don’t let her forget about me already, I thought desperately. Then, taking a deep breath, I dialed the number into the phone.

As I listened to the connecting rings, I reminisced about the good times I had with Erika, even though for a short while. I missed her, I really did. She was a second Leaf, in a way, but she could control her mad personality, and (I hate to point this out) she didn’t have any disorders that I knew about. But that didn’t make her any more of a person than Leaf. I would never think of replacing Leaf for someone else. That’s why I really don’t have a single best friend that I liked more.

Wing: Uh, what I'm hearing here is "except really good at being a person and basically psychosis-free! Basically she's like the finished product while Leaf is more like the prototype! Erika's just all around better!"

Mystic: oof youre right Mystic: that's pretty shitty tbh

Wing: Like, just in general, the whole "a second Leaf" thing was...pretty bad LOL

Mystic: yeeahh, especially since the two characters are nothing alike at all

Wing: And then she actually goes further to explain that "oh yeah, Erika doesn't have Leaf's PROBLEMS, though. Oh, but that doesn't make her better than Leaf! It's just that she's better at a lot of...shit!"

Mystic: remy hun u a piece of trash

Wing: Rofl!

My heart jumped as a familiar voice answered the other end.

Wing: Erika makes Remy's kokoro go doki-doki.

“Hello? Who is this?” Erika.

“Hi Erika … its Remeleen,” I said.

“Remy? Is that really you? Oh my god, we haven’t talked in weeks! How are ya, what’s happenin’ how’s Leafsters, Kay-Kay and Marybeth?” Erika asked.

“They’re fine,” I reassured, giggling at Erika’s nickname for Kyle. Then I remembered the reason why I called. “Actually, I was hoping … that I could talk to you.”

She got what I meant. “Fire away, girl. I’m listening.”

I smiled, and the rush of emotions start to brew in my stomach again as I shakily began to speak. But Rocky jumps on the bed and lays down next to me,

Wing: That inconsistent tense tho

and as I’m pouring out my feeling, I glimpse those blue eyes, and I feel complete again.

Wing: I'm not saying she's in love with her dog or anything...but she totally appears to be in love with her dog

Mystic: PFFFFFFFF Mystic: did i have like a thing for dogs or something what the fuck

They remind me that I’m not alone, that there are other people out there feeling the exact same way as I am.

Wing: Rocky is Remy’s religion. He brings her comfort and solace and a sense of community

And it calmed me down.

Time to leave the past behind me.

This is the last night you'll spend alone. Look me in the eyes so I know you know. I'm everywhere you want me to be. The last night you'll spend alone, I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go. I'm everything you need me to be. The night is so long when everything's wrong. If you give me your hand I will help you hold on, tonight,

Tonight.

~Lyrics from The Last Night, by Skillet

Wing: the fucking song lyrics Wing: are obviously about Wing: Remy and Rocky Wing: I just Wing: can Wing: 't

Mystic: ASLKJEODHGD Mystic: DID I JUST WRITE A FURRY ROMANCE Mystic: HOLY SHIT

Wing: NO SERIOUSLY READ THEM AGAIN; IT IS ABOUT THEM I SWEAR

Mystic: AHHHHHHHH IT TOTALLY IS Mystic: HOLY CRAP

Wing: IT'S NOT EVEN FURRY ROMANCE THOUGH. LIKE, FURRY ROMANCE IS ARGUABLY MORE ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE FURRIES ARE ANTHROPOMORPHIC. AND THINK WITH HUMAN INTELLIGENCE, BUT...! Wing: THIS Wing: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY Wing: ...EXCEPT MAYBE “ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER!”

Next part up soon!

[youcantclipmywings]

another crazy ass super late update w waaaay too much info

Hey y’alll... I’m kinda back? Sorry again for never being on this account. I want to be on it more but I get so consumed with my life and then I forget... not an excuse but an explanation. 

TW for all the usuals (drugs, etc) plus fun high school bs cropping up 2 1/2 years later :)

So last time I updated I was excited about going back to school and was feeling really lost and alone, as well as hopeless about my romantic life and my really intense cravings to smoke weed. A lot has changed since then... lol

My school decided to only do online schooling, understandably, but it sent me into a horrible spiral when they announced that. The idea that I’d be stuck at home for another 5 months... I just couldn’t take it. There’s a reason I went to boarding school after treatment. My parents fucking suck!!!! So I was venting to one of my best friends (C) who lives in another country even though she goes to school in the US (we met in treatment) and she invited me to come stay with her and her family in that country for a few months just so I could get away from my family... and now I’m there! I have dual citizenship with that country and the US because one of my parents is originally from there, so she applied for me to get dual citizenship when I was born, and I still have family here. Anyways, I’m now starting week 2 of my quarantine (which ends on Sunday (sep 20th) but I’m so happy to be here. I needed to get away and COVID just isn’t as bad here and I feel less depressed and like life maybe isn’t that hopeless, which is exciting!!!

I have smoked a bit more recently but I’m trying to lessen it or make sure I’m only doing it when I’m interacting with friends (either in person or via facetime). 

So, since I got to this country, there’s been a couple slightly interesting things occurring, relationship-wise. C is dating this guy and has been for the last 2 months and I guess he has a friend (J) who’s single and got really hyped when he found out C had a friend coming into town. C told him if he wanted to even attempt to be with me in anyway whatsoever he had to be my friend first and take things hella slow, but apparently he’s kinda a himbo so who knows if he’ll heed that warning. He added me on snap and told me he’s gonna take me out to a meal and later C told me he was bragging to her bf about how impressive it is that he said that (I think he’s kinda a fuckboy but C said her bf was initially too). Idk how I feel about any of this. I’m trying to not pass any judgment until I meet him a few times. 

A few nights ago, I got a snapchat message from this dude (JB) I knew from junior/senior year of high school (after treatment). Now, when we were in high school we were best friends. I had a small group (A, M, JB, and myself) and we all hung out all the time and were super close. A and JB dated junior year and then almost dated again senior year but she kinda ghosted him last minute and started dating someone else. JB also dated two other girls our senior year (this info is all relevant I promise). JB and I were kinda like brother/sister- we got along really well and had similar sense of humor but there wasn’t any attraction between the 2 of us. He liked skinny, kinda crazy (in the whole “omg I’m so fucked up pay attention to me” obnoxious way where they aren’t actually mentally ill, just annoying) girls and I was overweight and even though I’m legitimately mentally ill, I’m stable and high-functioning, and also... he’s short (well the same height as me but I’m tall) and skinny and just not my type... but anyways there was no attraction there. After high school, we all kinda stopped talking. M was a freshman while we were all seniors (I stayed in contact with him and still consider him to be like a little brother- I love him sm he’s my lil baby), but I haven’t talked to JB or A much since. We all went off to college and started new lives... JB and I talked a bit over that summer between senior year of high school and freshman year of college and he did call me a few times throughout freshman year (holy fuck that’s when I started this acc......) but whenever he’d call he’d only talk about himself. He’d talk about how he was drinking too much and smoking too much and he’d say kinda racist shit about his girlfriend at the time’s exes (since they were black... I guess that reflected poorly on her in his mind... fucked up mindset in my opinion) and he’d never ask me about myself. I was in overwhelming, immense pain constantly because of my ankle... I was high all the time and drinking regularly too, while hiding it from everyone, including my therapist. I was in a dark place and there he was calling me to talk about himself for really long periods of time. 

Anyways, I started avoiding his calls after awhile and then he stopped calling. He doesn’t know I had my ankle surgery. He doesn’t know I took a semester off of college to recover. He doesn’t know I met my genetic mom. He doesn’t know I’m struggling with some issues still. Then, in December 2019, the day after my mom had a heart attack, he started frantically messaging me on snapchat, begging me to talk. I told him that I couldn’t, that my mom was in the hospital and I was overwhelmed, that I had a ton of dr appointments and meetings and needed to make sure my mom was okay, but he wouldn’t lay off. I guess I felt some sort of loyalty towards him since we used to be so close, so I said “okay, you can call me anytime in the next 30 minutes, but that’s it” and he responded immediately, saying “I’ll call you in 5 minutes”. He never fucking called. After that, I decided I was done. He’s no longer my friend. And we hadn’t spoken since until a couple weeks ago where he messaged me and told me he missed me and I responded with a “yeah it’s been awhile” and then left him on read after he responded back with some other bs. 

Then this past weekend, he messages me out of nowhere talking about how he misses me and again, I say “yeah, it’s been awhile”. He says that there’s been something he’s wanted to tell me for a long time and he wishes he would’ve said something when we were in high school. I asked what the fuck he was talking about and he was like “I wish we could’ve dated. You were always so nice to me and we got along really well. I thought you were beautiful, caring, funny, and sweet. We had the sense sense of humor and enjoyed doing the same stuff. I liked you a lot and wish we could have dated.”... I was like.. “Uhhh... what made you realize this?” and he said “Idk I just realized it now” and I was like “yeah I’m just a little shocked because it never seemed like there was any type of relationship vibes there” and he was like “really?” and I was like “dude... you literally dated 2 girls and almost dated a 3rd...” and he was like “I feel like I knew I liked you then” so at that point I facetimed my friend M and was like “did JB like me in high school” and he was like “nah he liked A and those 2 other girls” and I was like “yeah, he’s saying some bs and I just need confirmation that I didn’t miss any signs” and he was like “yeah you guys were just really good friends” so I messaged JB back and was like “so what motivated you to tell me this” and he said “I don’t know I just felt like I should tell you” and I was like “well where do we go through here”... now, I said this knowing he’d say he wanted to date. I didn’t want to date him but I did want to let him down easily. M had told me while we were facetiming that JB had dropped out of college and gone to rehab so he was obviously struggling. I think he’s just super lonely during quarantine and he’s reflecting on high school (when he last felt happy) and is creating something that wasn’t there in hopes that it’d be reciprocated and he’d feel less lonely. He and A both had relationship/intimacy issues and were both really hyperfocused on always being in a relationship, so I’m not surprised he’s still like that. I am surprised it’s gotten to a point where it’s delusional... 

Anyways, he responded saying “where do you wanna go?” and I said “I asked you first” and he said “I want you wbu” and I said “I don’t know dude... I’m a super different person than I was 2 1/2 years ago and I’m sure you are too and I’m just not sure if we’d be compatible now that all this time has passed... also I live in a diff country now so we’d never actually see each other.” I know saying I live in a diff country now is kinda lying because it makes it seem like I moved permanently but I think it was necessary to get my message across so I don’t feel bad. He responded and he was like “yeah I guess that’s true” and I said “yeahhhhh” and he was like “I really want to be with you” and I said “I guess timing is everything” and he said “yeah I guess :(” and then I left him on read and that was the end of that conversation. I feel like a really good person for letting him down as nicely as I did because I felt like saying “nah I’m not fucking into you” especially since he’s been such an awful and selfish friend since we left high school, but I decided to be the bigger person because I know he’s struggling right now. And I feel sad that he’s reached a point in his life where he’s creating something that never existed because he’s so lost and alone and confused. I wish I could be there for him but I just can’t... 

My therapist says I can be too loyal to people sometimes. Even when people hurt me, I’m still there and I feel like I owe it to them to stick around and support them. I pretend like I’ll drop anyone that hurts me, but it’s obvious I’m loyal since I’m still willing to treat this dude with more kindness in this one interaction than he’s given me in 2 1/2 years. I want to be a kind person but I don’t want to be loyal to a fault... I think it’s harmful and self destructive. I need to work on it. 

Anyways, last night when I got out of the shower I had a towel wrapped around me and felt something weird and looked down and a giant spider was crawling around on my tiddy... I screamed so loud I’m surprised the family I’m staying with didn’t come running into the guesthouse from the main house to make sure I’m okay lol. I killed it with my textbook, which is now sitting in the corner of the room because I’m not in the right mental space to clean spider guts off a textbook after that whole ordeal. 

C’est la vie...