#I was gonna say some things about Minkowski's

[hephaestuscrew]

When you listen to the funeral in Boléro when you're 19 and are fairly naïve and have been lucky enough that you've never had a death close to you, you think Hera doesn't understand "why they have to be gone" because she's an AI and she only has 4 years of life experience to go off and it's inevitably difficult for someone without a physical body to conceptualise death. But then you get a little older and things happen and you realise No, that's just what grief is like.

Hera thinks that it doesn't make sense to her because she's missing something, because there's something that her creators didn't put inside her head, or at the very least because she's never experienced that kind of loss before. She thinks there's something that can be explained to her that will make it easier to come to terms with the deaths of people who've been a part of her life. And Eiffel struggles for an answer, or rather a way to explain to her that there is no answer; "Hera, we don't… I don't know that there's… That's not what this -".

The truth is that there's nothing that Hera is missing. What is happening inside her head feels "wrong and stupid and wrong" because that's just how it feels when someone you know dies. That's how the other characters are feeling too, even if they express it differently.

Hera thinks that she feels the way she does because she's experiencing things differently to her human crewmates, but that's not really the case. She's just being the most honest about those feelings.

It's not an artificial intelligence grappling with human situations that she can't understand. It's a person struggling with grief in the way that any human struggles with grief.

Hera's feeling that she doesn't know how to deal with this, her inability to stop thinking about the fact that they're gone, her sense that there must be some set of instructions she wasn't given, her desperation for a way to make it better or easier, her plea for things to somehow make sense… It's all just so incredibly, heart-wrenchingly human and real.

[stray-tickles]

Cat's Out Of The Bag

a.n. So I've gotten really into wolf 359!! And to think I started listening to it as something light before bed, lol. Anyway here is a fic <3 I love my dysfunctional dumbass space crew.

Isabel Lovelace had a mischievous streak. She always had, although it had become dormant. Something about losing her entire crew and being lost in space in cryo-sleep didn’t put her much in the mood for fun and games.

She’d warmed to this crew though, except for Selberg. Minkowski was tough and straightforward in a satisfying way, Eiffel was a genuinely good guy with a dorky sense of humour, and even Hera’s sarcastic streak had grown on her. They were a good crew.

All that to say, she’d bonded with them a bit, and that along with the relative safety of the Hephaestus had her old playfulness returning. And she knew exactly who to prank first.

“Hey, Hera?”

The AI’s voice crackled to life. “Yes Captain?”

“I’m uh- I’m gonna sneak up on Eiffel, as a joke. Can you not warn him?”

She might have imagined it, but she could swear that Hera rolled her eyes. “Sure thing, Captain.”

“Thanks!”

“Good luck.” Hera said, amused.

The door opened silently when she approached Communications, and Lovelace could hear that Eiffel was in the middle of one of his usual broadcasts to his beloved listeners. It couldn’t be more perfect if she’d planned it this way.

She took a deep breath and pushed off the corridor wall, effortlessly floating into the room and right behind Eiffel.

“And that, dear listeners, is why nachos are the greatest of all foods. In other news, the weather report for tomorrow is sunny with a chance of-AAAHANOLEMMIEGO!”

Lovelace pulled back in shock when her quick grab at Eiffel’s sides earned her a loud shriek and a jolt like she’d given him an electric shock.

Eiffel curled up into a ball in his chair, staring at his unexpected attacker with wide eyes, his arms glued to his sides.

“Jeez, what the hell did I do?” Lovelace asked with an incredulous laugh. “I was just trying to scare you a bit. You okay man?”

“Yep!” Eiffel said, almost an octave too high. He didn’t move. “Totally fine!”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “You’d better not be hurt or something. I hate doctor’s visits as much as you do but you can’t just leave that stuff.”

“What? No, not injured, definitely nothing wrong here, no sir.”

Lovelace rolled her eyes. “Eiffel, the second I touched you you screamed like a…” A wicked smirk spread across her face. “Wait.”

Despite her request, Eiffel did not wait. Instead, he frantically unbuckled himself from the chair, fumbling to escape.

He didn’t make it more than a couple of feet before Lovelace pounced, both hands clamping onto the fleshy parts of his sides and vibrating furiously, earning a second shriek followed by a fit of high-pitched laughter.

She grinned. “Oh, this is too good.”

Eiffel wriggled like a fish on a line, trying to shake her off to no avail. “No, it’s not!” He squealed, snorting loudly when one hand clawed at his stomach. “Fuck! Stahahap you psycho!”

“Well, that’s a bit rude.” She teased, fingertips plucking at his ribs and earning more and more high-pitched squeaks between helpless giggles. “And here I thought we were friends.”

Eiffel batted at her hands weakly, cackling and smiling so wide it almost hurt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this much. He felt like he just might melt.

He kind of felt like he’d needed this.

Lovelace couldn’t help but chuckle along, taking in Eiffel’s massive grin and wild laughter. “I can’t believe I didn’t know about this.” Her hands slid up under his arms. “You’re so goddamn annoying.”

“FUCK!” Eiffel screeched, her blunt nails scratching away under his arms doing a good job wearing away at his sanity. “PLEAHAHAHA- PLEASE!”

She lightened her touch so that he didn’t actually die. “Oh, learned some manners I see.”

Eiffel kicked his legs, now back to giggling wildly. “I hahahate you!” He whined, snorting and ineffectively slapping at her.

“Aww, cute.”

“Shut up!”

She laughed. “Give up?” He was getting pretty red in the face.

Eiffel nodded weakly and hiccupped in between giddy giggles, squeaking when Lovelace reached to ruffle his head. “Dork.” She said affectionately. “Hope you learned your lesson.”

He still felt tingly and warm, and like he wouldn’t stop smiling for a while. “Yep! Note to self, Captain Lovelace is a cold-hearted killer.”

“Damn right.” She smirked, floating over to the door and wiggling her fingers a bit more than was necessary for a wave goodbye.

Eiffel stayed curled up in a ball, floating in the middle of the room and hugging himself, grinning like crazy.

“Um, Officer Eiffel?”

Oh. He’d forgotten that Hera definitely saw all of that. “Hey Hera.” He said, trying to come off as casual and not embarrassed out of his mind.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” She sounded genuinely concerned. “You were, um, screaming for a bit there.”

Heat rushed to his face. “Heh, just the nature of tickle fights, what can I say.”

Now she was amused. “There didn’t seem to be much fighting.”

“Look, just cos it’s very one-sided doesn’t mean it’s not a fight!”

“At a certain point I think it just becomes one person attacking another.”

Eiffel wasn’t sure if it was possible to curl up into a smaller ball, but he gave it a try anyway. “Fine, it was an attack then!”

“A tickle attack.”

He squeaked.

“Does that word bother you?” How, how could he know that Hera was smiling when she didn’t even have a face?

“Stoooop.”

Hera laughed. “Okay fine, you’ve suffered enough for now.”

For now. It sent a chill up his spine that wasn’t entirely dread.

Hera hesitated, a little nervous. “Can I ask… what it feels like? Tickling?”

Eiffel managed to uncurl a little and was proud that he didn’t twitch at her use of the word. “Huh?”

“I have a basic understanding of most sensations; pain, hunger, fatigue, but to be honest this has always confused me.”

“Yeah,” Eiffel laughed. “Well, it doesn’t exactly make sense.”

“I was pretty alarmed there for a moment. Begging for mercy and laughing don’t usually go together.”

He blushed. “Heraaaa.”

Hera snickered. “Well, I’m getting that it makes one more easily embarrassed than usual.”

“I’m legitimately mad I can’t throw something at you right now.”

“You can certainly try!”

“Why are you being so mean?” Eiffel whined, burying his face in his hands.

“Because it’s nice to see you smiling.” She supplied affectionately.

The words sent a shot of warmth through him, and his smile grew wider.

“So?”

Eiffel felt his face get hot. “It’s… I dunno, it’s a lot? Like you overload, so you can’t stop from laughing and trying to get away.”

Hera hummed. System overloads were pretty horrible, in her experience. “Anything else?”

“Uhh…” He tried to think of the best way to communicate the feeling to someone with no body. “It’s like static? Like, if static was a feeling instead of a sound.”

“That sounds like a lot.”

“It is, I mean, it can be.”

“And not very pleasant.”

“I-” Crap was she really gonna make him say it? “Sometimes, but if it’s someone you’re close with it’s like, bonding, I dunno.” He hesitated then mumbled, so quietly he hoped she wouldn’t hear, “It’s nice.”

“That is one of the primary theories on why humans are ticklish.”

“Wha- really?”

“Mm-hm! Familial bonding.”

“Ha. What a weird thing to evolve.”

“You do all still grow appendixes.” Hera paused. “So… tickling is being overwhelmed with static sensation, and can be a form of bonding.”

Eiffel smiled to himself. “Yeah, I think that’s more or less it.”

“And you like it.”

“Shut up!”

Someone had apparently turned up Hera’s smugness levels today. “I’ll tell Captain Lovelace you said that.”

“NO-” Eiffel’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh my god she’s gonna tell Minkowski. Hera, Lovelace is going to tell her. Oh god I’m so screwed!”

--

Eiffel spent the rest of the day on edge. He didn’t see any of the other humans, and Hera had the mercy not to tease him any more than she already had, but he was all too aware of the storm brewing out of sight. He’d had years of bugging Minkowski with no comeuppance and now the cat was out of the bag. And he was a dead man walking.

He kind of wished the thought didn’t make him so damn smiley.

It was- it was fun, the laughing and play fighting, and it wasn’t something Eiffel had had in… a really long time. He hadn’t even realised how much he’d needed that until today, and now his surprisingly sly Commander who just happened to also be a top contender for best friend was next in line for some playful revenge, and the thought of it made him feel… kind of giddy.

“Evening, Eiffel.”

The voice made him almost jump out of his skin. “Commander!” He whipped around, hands raised defensively, only to find Minkowski giving him a bemused look.

She raised an eyebrow. “You okay there?”

“Uh huh, yeah totally, never better!” He swallowed. “How are you? Haven’t seen you around today.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been too crazy today, I’ve just been running diagnostics for the most part.” The shadow of a smirk touched her face. “Spent some time with Lovelace, so I wasn’t too bored.”

“Oh?” Eiffel’s voice rose to a squeak. “What’d- um, what’d you guys talk about?”

The smirk grew bigger, but Minkowski remained innocent-sounding. “Nothing important.”

His voice had still not returned to its usual register. “Okay, that’s nice!”

“Have you eaten?” She stepped closer, and Eiffel’s eyes widened. “I know you’ve been busy.”

Minkowski struggled to keep a somewhat straight face. Her Communications Officer looked like a deer in headlights. This was too good.

“Yep! I-I mean no- no, I uh, I was gonna go now and… get some food! Gotta get some of that delicious protein, yep!” He span to the door, making to leave.

The hand that grabbed his shoulder make him scream a little bit. He turned his head to find Minkowski grinning at him. “Maybe I’ll join you.” She said innocently. “If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind! Why would I mind? That would be crazy, everything’s fine, yeah let’s just go and get something to eat!” Eiffel did his best not to seem like he was running away, but he wasn’t sure if it worked.

Minkowski allowed herself a quick laugh at his expense. This was the perfect revenge.

--

Minkowski managed to keep Eiffel on edge for a few days. Every time she got too close, he’d freeze up, and if she managed to touch him, he’d all but jump out of his skin. It was fun. And funny.

The fourth day of her torment, however, was different. “Hey Eiffel.” She said, knocking on the comms wall as she entered. She was expecting a jump or a squawk or for him to freeze up, but Eiffel sighed instead.

“Hey Commander.” He muttered, not turning away from his work.

Hmm. “You okay?”

“Huh?”

She crossed the room and put a hand on his shoulder, noting that he didn’t flinch. “Are you okay?”

Eiffel looked up at her and seemed to register her presence for the first time. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

Minkowski raised an eyebrow.

He sighed. “Medical check-up day, that’s all.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.” He ran his hands over his face and groaned. “Sometimes I think handcuffs are overrated, you know?”

That alarmed her enough to spin his chair around to face her. “He didn’t do anything?”

Eiffel had the gall to look confused. “What? Oh, no, nothing like that, just the usual Hilbert bullshit.” He gritted his teeth. “I know I’m wasting time waiting for an apology, but…”

Minkowski felt some of her tension ease. “Doesn’t mean you don’t deserve one.”

“Yeah.”

She bit the inside of her lip, considering. She’d spent a lot of time with Eiffel. For a long time it had been just the two of them, before they’d gotten Hera up and running again. “Do you want to go watch a movie?” She asked, as non-awkwardly as possible.

The truth of the matter was that there was exactly one movie on board the Hephaestus, and it wasn’t one either of them were very fond of. It was, however, an excuse to sit on a cramped couch together, and if every single time they would up snuggling then…

Well, it worked out for the most part. Physical contact was scarce in space.

“Yeah.” Eiffel rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

--

She would never tell Eiffel, but the first time they’d squashed together on the tiny, too hard couch to watch goddamn Home Alone 2, Minkowski had been so overwhelmed that she’d had to fight not to cry. It was so easy to neglect the side of her that sometimes just wanted a hug, and after two years of not being on decent terms with either of her two human crewmates… it had hit her harder than expected.

Douglas Eiffel awkwardly cuddling up to her had almost brought her to tears. If nothing else, it had been a lesson.

So, it really wasn’t an imposition to have him leaning his head on her shoulder and pretending to watch Home Alone 2.

He snuggled a little closer and Minkowski raised an eyebrow. “Want me to move over?”

“Nah.” Eiffel said. “I’m good.”

“Good.” She rested her head against his with a smile.

Eiffel felt himself relax as the not great movie carried on. It was nice to be close to someone. To have a friend around. “I’m just saying, forgetting Kevin once is a mistake, doing it twice is deliberate.”

A hand squeezed his side sharply, making him yelp and jump. “Sshh.” Minkowski chided, not moving her hand. “I’m trying to watch.”

Eiffel froze, barely daring to breathe. She was doing this now? Why? And, more importantly, how did he feel about that?

Oh, who was he kidding?

“Still don’t know why they wouldn’t send us up with Star Wars.”

Blunt nails scratched gently at his stomach, immediately sending Eiffel tumbling into a fit of giggles, throwing his arms up over his face.

Minkowski grinned. Cute. “I’ve told you before, putting media that has exploding space stations on board a space station wouldn’t be good for crew morale.”

Eiffel struggled to speak between giggles, twitching. “It’s Star Wars!”

“Mm-hm.”

He whined, squeezing his eyes shut and snorting when she started poking gently at his ribs. This was so mean, she wasn’t even tickling enough to have him laughing properly, and he couldn’t squirm away without winding up on the floor.

“What’s wrong with you? I’m not even doing anything.”

He kicked his feet against the couch, if only to do something. “Yes you are!”

“Oh?” Another hand joined, poking at his stomach while the other continued at his ribs and yielding a series of increasingly embarrassing snorts. “Then what am I doing?”

Oh, fuck you. “Hehe-Hera! Help!”

His distress call got a laugh from both of them. “No offense, but how do you expect that to work?” Minkowski teased.

“Oh, I’m sure you’d love if I could come and help the Commander out.” Hera said with a laugh.

His face was on fire. “Shuhut up!” He squealed, sinking into the couch, burying his face in Minkowski’s shoulder and weakly slapping at her hands. “Not what I meheheant!”

“Sure, I believe you.” Hera said, and Eiffel just knew she’d wink if she had eyes.

“You guys suck!”

“Aw, you don’t mean that.” Minkowski teased, one hand tickling around his ears and making him scrunch his neck up like a turtle.

Eiffel could feel his bones and brain getting melty, and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep from squirming off the couch for much longer. “Commander plehehease!”

“Oh fine.” She withdrew her hands with one last poke, grinning affectionately. “Since you asked nicely.” He collapsed against her, still shaking with giggles. “Feel better?”

Eiffel heaved in a much-needed breath and wrapped his arms around her middle, squeezing tightly. “Shut up.”

Minkowski’s smile widened, and she returned the hug. “I don’t think you’re allowed to give me orders.”

He snorted. “Sorry, the chain of command ends where this couch begins.”

“You writing your own DSSPPM?”

“Damn right. Number one, chain of command is bullshit like ninety percent of the time.”

She rolled her eyes and wiggled a finger into his side. “Number two, tickle attacks are very effective for both discipline and morale.”

Eiffel jumped at the poke, then grinned wickedly. “Number three, revenge is sweet.”

“Don’t you d-” She cut herself off by clamping both hands over her mouth to keep the laughter in as Eiffel’s fingers wriggled up and down her ribcage.

“Oh?” He said delightedly. “You too?”

He had just caught sight of the smile hiding behind her hands when he suddenly found himself pushed onto his back, shoulders and head hanging off the couch entirely. Minkowski smirked down at him. “Four,” She said slyly, “Don’t start a fight you can’t win.”

Eiffel squealed before she’d even touched him, immediately caving into laughter at the sight of wiggly fingers. “Okay, okay!” He shrieked. “I’m sorry!”

Minkowski snickered but let him up. “I didn’t even do anything.”

A flush claimed his face. “I have an active imagination.” An imagination which told him he was never gonna live this down. Still, it was good to know that she shared his little weakness. “Back to the movie?”

They both looked back to the screen and laughed. It was over. Eiffel rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess we should go get some sleep, then?” He made no move to get up.

“Probably.” Minkowski agreed, also staying on the couch.

“Cool.”

There was a long pause, both refusing to look at the other or move.

“Y’know actually I think I’ll just stay here.”

“I’m not that tired, so-”

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

Eiffel huffed a laugh. “Cool.” He muttered, not needing any further permission to curl up and rest his head on her shoulder.

“Goodnight.”

“Night, Commander.”

“Cuuuute!”

“Shut up, Hera!”

[nobodysdaydreams]

@mahpotatoequeen thank you for tagging me!

How many works do you have on AO3? only 11, but I make up for it in word count.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 468,908 words (sorry)

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? Only three fandoms. TMBS (show and books, idk if these count as separate) and wolf 359.

Top five fics by kudos:

So...I'm in some pretty small fandoms and only started writing last year so I don't have a lot of high kudos fics. But this is what I got so far:

S.O.S

The Oldest Siblings

Who You Were Meant To Be / Treat Them With(out) Mercy (tied)

It Should Have Been Us

A Joy To Obey

Honorable mention: The highest Wolf 359 fic I have since I only started writing for that fandom like a week ago (it's a nice fic about Renee and Dominik for anyone interested): For Better or For Worse

Do you respond to comments?

Of course! I love hearing from you guys and discuss my work, fandom theories and ideas.

What’s the fic with the angstiest ending you’ve ever written?

My tmbs followers know the answer to that question. Sorry S.O.S. fans (but also: not sorry at all).

Edit: Also, how did I forget, but my tmbs fic The Boys Who Waited, has a super angsty ending. It's one of my lesser known fics, but I do really like how it comes full circle in the end and you don't realize the implications of what's happening until the fic is over.

As for my Wolf 359 fics, I'd say the one with the angstiest ending is my most recent fic about Jacobi dealing with the loss of Kepler. The fic received positive critical review from the esteemed @sophieswundergarten, but the last chapter does end on a slightly ominous note/cliff hanger. Here it is if you want to check it out: The Legacy of the Artist Formerly Known As Warren Kepler (or An Ode to Whiskey Boy)

Do you write crossovers?

Not really. Some of my fics blend the show and book elements of tmbs, or reference the other, but not to the point of what I'd call a "cross over"

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

Not on my fics. I think a few times on my blog, but I don't have time to think about or deal with that. I'm also neurodivergent, so sometimes I have trouble knowing whether people are actually insulting me or doing or saying something "as part of a joke". I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Do you write smut?

Nope, it's not for me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not, and I don't think so. I write for really small fandoms. It would be pretty obvious if someone did.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but @sophieswundergarten recently made a podfic of the first chapter of my fic Who You Were Meant To Be and that made my whole day! 🥰 The link to the podfic is in the chapter notes if you want to listen.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't do a lot of shipping. I wrote a few things about Renee Minkowski/Dominik Koudelka, but they're married in canon so a lot of that wrote itself. (Works are here if you're interested: For Better or For Worse / The Return of the Blessed)

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

All of my SOS sequels. I'm going to try though. We'll see what happens.

What are your writing strengths?

Long fic. I can take an idea and run with it. I'm also good a picking up where I series left things off or when a show gets cancelled and leaves a cliff hanger.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Short fic. I wrote around 7k-8k words for a Wolf 359 fic and someone commented how happy they were that they "finally got a long fic about this". And I was flattered, but like. 7-8k words???? LONG????

...who's gonna tell them?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I've only done this a few times. I try my best and do as much research as I can. I want it to be accurate though, so if you're a native speaker, and I got something wrong, feel free to (politely) lmk so I can fix it.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

For the tmbs fandom S.O.S. since it's what I'm known for, but also Who You Were Meant To Be because I love a good redemption story and I've gonna a lot of really nice feedback on it.

For the Wolf359 fandom, weirdly enough, The Return of the Blessed, which is based on my own unhinged crack theory, but I love writing it.

Tagging: @itsgoghtime @oflightningandstars @myfairkatiecat @mysteriouseggsbenedict @heyitsthatonesmolgay and anyone else who wants to participate!

[wwpbviiid]

Wolf 359 TTRPG session one recap! Putting under cut as it shall be long. A lot happened. (Includes spoilers for wolf 359)

(Context)

So season 1 is kinda difficult bc most of the situations Eiffel ends up in he puts himself in, so I have to move things around somewhat. I’ve decided to start on episode 3, giving Hart the goal of avoiding Hilbert’s physical exam.

First it said it was busy listening to static, and proceeded to ramble to Hilbert about how much it loved listening static— the different types of static, etc— until he went away.

When Hilbert came back, the player had the most Eiffel idea I’ve ever heard, and proceeded to tell Hilbert that “yeah I’m still busy, I know I should be done by now but I think I heard something? It was just for a second, I’m still trying to get back the signal, I don’t know.” He tried to get out of a medical exam by claiming he’d made first contact

This idea was so wonderful that I almost let it work, before I remembered that if Hilbert believed it he’d try to murder the entire crew, so I had Hilbert ask Hera and find out it was a lie.

(Between these interactions, Hart was having conversations with Minkowski that went basically the same way as in the episode, to the point where I managed to mostly just reuse her dialogue verbatim. This is the episode where the plant monster is introduced, if you don’t remember)

Then Hilbert came to the comms room and Hart said what he’d actually heard is the plant monster, and he needs to help Minkowski with that. Hilbert accepted this— Hart kept rolling super well, I don’t think it failed a single roll the entire session— and went away

Then on Minkowski’s insistence Hart went down to help her with the plant monster (unlike Eiffel, it listened to her and actually brought a flamethrower). She told it to help her kill it, the player reached for the dice and then went “wait what am I trying to do?”

To which I begrudgingly said “killing a plant monster?” Bc he had a flamethrower, he could do it. “I mean. If that’s what you’re trying to do. I don’t know, you tell me.”

It hesitated and then asked if it could try to talk to it first! Then after some very good dice rolls Hart befriended the plant monster, but convinced it to pretend to continue being aggressive to the crew so that the physical exams would be cancelled.

Blessie!!! He’s befriended Blessie! Blessie’s on their side now!!! (I’m not sure what this is gonna do to the significant amount of episodes in which the plant monster tries to kill them or whatnot)

So Hart succeeded in its goal. I had intended to also include the intro of the alien music, so I asked if Hart actually ended up listening to static today, but he said nah

“Haha, imagine if the one day I don’t is the day we would’ve made first contact,” he said, and I smiled knowingly, and proceeded to say the words “smiling knowingly” out loud bc he wasn’t picking up on my knowing smile.

[clonerightsagenda]

i would love to hear anything more about communications director minkowski that you would care to share, it sounds like a very fun route for postcanon! 👀

It IS very fun. In lieu of writing a coherent post I just spent quite a bit of time scrolling through 3 years of discord messages for good tidbits:

Gill spent part of my day wondering “you know you’d expect Lovelace to have some Loud And Pointed Opinions about Minkowski being offered the post of Communications Director but maybe instead she’d be the first to figure out there’s no better way to dismantle the company than from the inside out” Kat If you want a job done wrong you gotta do it yourself Gill Minkowski: They… want me to be the next director… and I think I’m going to take the job. Lovelace: …actually. That sounds like an amazing idea. Minkowski: Minkowski: who are you and what have you done with Captain Lovelace Kat Careful Renee. That joke has a bit of an edge to it Gill Nobody’s getting out of post-flight quarantine without an identity crisis of some kind it seems Kate I bet Lovelace would jump at the chance to have a woman on the inside… who has a lot of practice ruining Goddard's plans. Gill Lovelace, probably: You’re gonna need your own version of Cutter’s hypercompetent Right Hand Minion, and it seems to me that the person who kept him distracted while you put a harpoon through his torso would be the ideal candidate. Lovelace: Also, it’d be fun to deface Kepler’s old office.

*

Kat was thinking about Minkowski marriage drama in the context of her voluntarily signing on to be comms director under the same contract as the last one fully aware this means everyone will try to kill her just in case she can keep everyone else safe and then having to explain that to her husband tfw your wife never prioritizes you bc she's too busy prioritizing a) dying in space b) dying on land now Gill Dominik Koudelka, maybe: it just feels like I have to get myself kidnapped by shadowy corporate goons if I want to spend time with you!

*

Kate Communications Director Minkowski 1) definitely publishes her own adapted fifth edition of the Survival Manual that’s not a joke and full of useful things and 2) mostly inspired by things Eiffel did that his justification was “well no one ever TOLD me this would happen in space!” Gill “Leprechauns are not real. Ghosts, however, are.” “In the unlikely but theoretically possible event that leprechauns are discovered at some point in the near future, disregard previous. It’s important to keep an open mind.” Kate Adaptability! Flexibility! Priorities! Acknowledgement that space is full of unpredictable and incomprehensible bullshit! The spirit of the new space age Gill Tip #1002: You may say “fuck”. Once.

*

Kat thought: re Goddard possibly having prison labor going on, maybe when they got Eiffel out of jail they just transferred his sentence to them, and Comms Director Minkowski finds out she technically owns two of her crewmates now and isn't super happy about it Eiffel: so for the next 23 years my ass is yours I guess Minkowski: I don't want it Minkowski, sifting through paperwork: why… why do I own prison laborers now? Can I pardon them? What is this news anchor voice: Goddard Futuristics stocks dipped today as new director Renee Minkowski gave the entirety of their asteroid mining staff early release, quoted as saying "Go home. The fuck." Gill Comms Director Minkowski like ok first off we’re actually giving our workers benefits Kat we'll reroute some of the money headed toward all the R&D for evil shit Gill we’re also defunding our paramilitary branches. Why do we even have those?? Kat Jacobi, raising hand: To do stuff like break into Elon Musk's Mars colony and take him out with extreme prejudice Lovelace: ok that one sounds justified actually Gill Lovelace: Can I go fuck up Elon Musk’s stupid libertarian summer camp? Minkowski: Later, I need you here right now. Lovelace: Aw, ok. ): Kate Okay project Fuck Up Elon Musk can stay

*

Kat underappreciated aspect of the comms director Minkowski concept: DC girl Minkowski finds out she now owns like 75% of the politicians on Capitol Hill. Is not sure how to stop owning them It's like feeding wild animals, they keep coming back for your money even when you try to cut off the lobbying Gill Minkowski: next time a senator shows up at my house I’m siccing Lovelace on them Kat Minkowski: Cutter had an entire budget line for funding ballot initiatives and…. wow, that's a lot. Hey Doug, what are your thoughts on felons being able to vote? Eiffel: Felons can't vote? Minkowski: …. yes?? Eiffel: Oh. Huh. I don't ever vote so I didn't notice. And I see from your expression that you don't approve of this.

*

Gill Comms Director!Minkowski: If you need me, I’ll be in a meeting. /crawls into the vents Kat Local unions still talk about the super weird HVAC remodeling the new director insisted on

*

Gill You are an astronautical engineer at Goddard Futuristics’ special projects division. You were handpicked by the special projects manager herself to work on this new prototype. The craft you and your colleagues poured untold hours of work into is commandeered by Warren Kepler, Legendary Local Douchebag, and two of his minions (an entire ship! For three people!!) to go off and babysit one of your boss’s boss’s ultra-secret pet projects, which you quietly believe is actually an elaborate fraud scheme of some kind. You rage at this. Then, you mourn. Perhaps you drink heavily. Either way, you move on, setting aside your quiet hope that the Urania one day re-enters terrestrial skies, but gradually making peace with the idea you may never see this particular fruit of your labor again. And then a year and a half later you get it back and the interior is just plastered in printer paper that looks like a brigade of toddlers just went nuts on it with their crayons. And also your boss is dead and the apparent leader of said toddlers is the new communications director. Kat Hey at least the astronautical engineering division can feel vindicated that that shuttle a few years back didn't malfunction Gill Engineer: So that shuttle didn’t malfunction and Cutter was actively orchestrating a fake explosion and cover-up. Then he sent Warren “Oh just let me fire off this prototype in a civilian area” Kepler and his goon squad up in our prototype to go fuck around with you guys some more. Minkowski: Yup. Engineer: And you killed him. Minkowski: …yes. Engineer: …did you kill him painfully? Tell me it was painfully. (Minkowski is mildly worried about how she acquires some of her new supporters) Kat Lots of long simmering resentment Kate I imagine she gets a lot of goodwill points for taking out Cutter and Kepler… imagine

*

Kat comms director Minkowski having to do tax fraud to protect her team somehow Gill Jacobi, having just another day in the office, doing taxes: god this is so dull, I hate tax season. I wonder if Minkowski’s gone and holed up in the accounting department, she probably lives for this kind of thing. /smash cut to Minkowski threatening an IRS agent at harpoon-point Kat Minkowski making Hera her own LLC so she has rights now: This is legal according to Citizens United as long as no one looks at it too closely (my dad became an LLC today so he can contract with his work after he retires. I joked he will be the last person able to vote in the household once they take everyone else's rights away but corporations are people) Gill “Minkowski Commits Tax Fraud” would be an amazing chapter title for a fic at some point though Kat Minkowski early in the mission diligently doing her taxes in space because she's a good American citizen Minkowski like 5 years later: fuck capitalism Gill That one meme image but it’s, Minkowski: You mean the game was rigged all along? Minkowski @ herself: always has been. Kate This is my strongest Minkowski belief Gill Minkowski: wow, capitalism sucks, and growing up in a Soviet satellite state was also awful. Perhaps… the true problem… is giving people the power to wholly dictate other people’s lives…

*

Kat after the story of the Hephaestus crew breaks and they're famous Eiffel gets Minkowski a funko pop of herself it has a little harpoon Kinsey i support this wholeheartedly Gill It is both unsettling and adorable. She sets it proudly on her desk at work Kat someone coming into Comms Director Minkowski's office: uhhhhh Minkowski sitting next to her funko pop: what it's got the same psychic damage potential as Cutter having a #1 dad mug on his desk and everyone's too scared to ask about it Gill Concept: Minkowski eventually being gifted the Funko Pop versions of her entire crew They’re referred to affectionately(?) as her minions Kate If you’ve been called to her office because you’ve done something Sketchy and Capitalistic, you might even prefer looking into the creepy flat soulless eyes of the funko pop rather than Minkowski’s very, very sharp and angry human ones Gill Another mental image. Lovelace, beholding her funko pop: I mean, I don’t think my eyes are that terrifying even when I’m possessed by unknown cosmic entities, but other than that, it’s a perfect likeness. Lovelace: Look, she even has her arms folded because she’s mad at the other little plastic crewmates for being idiots. I love her.

[ari194]

First of all, just major spoiler warnings for the wolf 359 finale. Second of all this is gonna be a long post of just all the thoughts while I listen to the finale.

God I love the beginning with Cutter and Pryce like just that whole story time back and forth is so so good

Adding Hera and Eiffel's first meeting also hurts so good I can't. Just the little smile you can hear in Eiffel's chuckle and voice after Hera's "good boy" and the immediate establishment of them being partners in crime from the get go, just not even five minutes of knowing each other and they were already breaking rules together, words cannot describe how much I adore them

"These people have taken our lives away from us" line is so good, Renee Minkowski is t h e leader and I love her with my whole heart. She could rally me to do anything

"your dad loves you, your dad loves you so much" those are his last words to his daughter while he remembers her. fuck fuck f u c k. Christ this shit hurts. I love this podcast so much

Eiffel and Minkowski getting to laugh together one last time before everything goes down is so so good

"Goddammit Renee don't do this" and my heart b r e a k s

The fucking score in this episode is so so excellent the dramatic piano and just the everything about the pacing of the music is executed masterfully Alan Rhodey is a god

Dougie no, stop no self deprecating in this household. Also holy fuck just got hit with the "I can't do this" from Eiffel holy im being devastated with every second that goes by, we love parallels in this household

"you're just going to have to trust me"

"with my life darling, with my life" I love them so much eiffera has my entire heart forever 😭

Eiffera again hitting me with the "I can do this" "Of course you can darling" just her being able to confidently state her abilites and Eiffel not questioning her for a second, complete faith in Hera and always supporting her without hesitation.

God I love Kepler God I love him so much his reveal is everything his last lines are everything his last act is everything I can't I can't I can't.

"The beautiful thing is, I don't need you to be" is just such a fucking good line I will never ever ever get over it.

Also, harpoon?!

It's the fact that all I had to hear was the sound of the mind sweep and I started to completely come apart. I'll always love and hate that they didn't let Doug say his last words to Hera.

Wolf 359 will always always always be my absolute favorite piece of media to exist ever. Nothing will ever top it and I will never be able to love something as deep as I love Wolf 359. Just the fact that they saved the world they saved all of humanity and they would have all died with no one ever knowing a thing if it wasn't for Jacobi, Wolf 359 could have so easily ended as a tragedy and still been a good and wonderful piece of media but it's the fact that they got their somewhat bitter mostly sweet happy ending that sets it apart. It's the question of what makes the self, what makes a person themselves, it's that even while bawling your eyes out there will still be lines that make you laugh through it, it's every heartbreak throughout the show and the finale finally having the payoff of getting to hear them be safe and go home. They're battered, wounded, and bruised but they're alive and they are all going to start again. It's the last scene being our original 3 voice actors and the fact that when Doug goes "spending time with you two was the best damn thing to ever happen to him" there was never any doubt that he was talking about Minkowski and Hera.

I will never be over Wolf 359, and I will always be grateful I stumbled upon it and had the chance to fall in love with it. Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk I'm gonna go sob some more for a few hours.

[wolf359transcripts]

Wolf 359 Season 1 Episode 10 – “Extreme Danger Bug”

[intro music]

Welcome to Wolf 359.

Eiffel: Welcome, friends, to a very special live action episode of the log of Douglas Eiffel, Communications Officer to the stars. Today I’m gonna shake things up a bit, be a little less NPR, and a little more National Geographic with some mobile reportage. Rather than have me droning on and on and on about all the terrible stuff that happens around here, let’s look for some of the terrible stuff as it happens.

[door opens and closes]

Eiffel: Ooh, here we go! Looks like we’ve stumbled onto a wild Minkowski! Or as it’s scientifically known, Stickus Up-The-Assus. In its natural habitat. Let’s get a closer look.

Eiffel: Hey Commander!

Minkowski: Eiffel…? What the hell are you doing? Get that microphone out of my face.

Eiffel: I’m documenting life on the station for future generations!

Minkowski: Eiffel, this is really… not the time.

Eiffel: [shushing noises, then clears throat] Here we see the Minkowski in a rare moment of symbiotic cooperation with one of its neighbouring species, the Creepus Maximus! Any words for posterity, Dr. Hilbert?

Hilbert: Not now, Eiffel. This is very delicate!

Eiffel: Eloquent as always, such lovely, delicate species!

Minkowski: Would it kill you to stop messing around, and give us a hand?

Eiffel: Oof, sorry Commander. But as a documentarian, I have a sacred duty to observe without perturbing the natural order of things, so, no can do. [clicks tongue] But anyway, what is this thing you’re both hauling? Some kind of tank?

Minkowski: What – What do you mean, “what is it?” It’s one of the nitrogen tanks for the station’s fuel rotation.

Eiffel: You say that like it’s supposed to mean something to me.

Minkowski: It should. You were supposed to depressurise this thing this morning.

Eiffel: Oh.

Minkowski: You do remember me asking you to do that, right?

Eiffel: …Yes.

Minkowski: And you did depressurise this tank, right?

Eiffel: …Yes?

Minkowski: Is that “…Yes?” a “Yes, I did it”, or “…Yes… I have no idea what you’re talking about but I don’t want to get in trouble”?

Eiffel: …Yes…

Minkowski: God damn it Eiffel!

Hilbert: Do you have any idea how dangerous an improperly regulated nitrogen tank can be?

Eiffel: Ah, come on, how bad can it be? This thing looks super solid. [taps on the tank] See, safe as h–

[explosion, smashing noises, escaping gas]

Minkowski: [breathing heavily] Alright. Anybody who’s not dead say… “ow”.

Eiffel: [groans] Ow.

Hilbert: Ow.

Minkowski: Eiffel. One of these days I am going to actually kill you.

Eiffel: Honestly, Commander. I may well beat you to that. Jesus, did that thing just go through that wall?

Minkowski: Hera? Tell me that tank didn’t hit an electric line or something? Is anything going horribly wrong?

Hera: Um… Hard to say, Commander. Ask again later?

Minkowski: Hera. Sitrep. Now.

Hera: Uh… Well… It seems the tank went through one of the station’s exterior walls.

Eiffel: What?

Hera: But. But. Sensors show that the room you’re in isn’t losing air or pressure, so… um… y-yay? I – I’m really not sure what’s happening here.

Minkowski: Gimme that flashlight.

[flashlight clicks]

Minkowski: Hera, what are you talking about? This isn’t an exterior wall. There’s a room right here.

Hera: No there’s not? Commander, I’m looking at the station’s schematics and at all my sensory inputs, there’s nothing there!

Minkowski: And I’m looking through this hole with my eyes, and I’m telling you that there’s a room right here. Look, if I just step through the hole –

Hera: No! Don’t!

Minkowski: There, see? Where am I showing up on the station sensors?

[pause]

Hera: Outer space, Commander. The station’s positioning trackers are indicating you’re outside the station.

Eiffel: Um… Hilbert? Any ideas on how that works?

Hilbert: Well… I suppose it could be possible that Hera’s sensory input hardware was calibrated to exclude this particular section of the station.

Eiffel: And…? Why the hell would anyone wanna do that?

Minkowski: Let’s find out. C’mon.

[flashlight clicks]

Eiffel: Woah. How big is this place?

Minkowski: It looks like it’s at least the size of the observatory, maybe even a little bigger. Look, over there. That’s the outline of a doorframe, but it’s been… walled up.

[pause]

Eiffel: Does anybody see a light switch?

Hilbert: Over here.

[light switch clicks, then clicks a few more times in succession]

Hilbert: Must’ve been disconnected from power grid. Hera would’ve noticed if circuits were flowing to a non-existent room.

Eiffel: Oh, great.

Minkowski: Dr. Hilbert, over here! Look at all these jars, and… the tools in this drawer. It looks like –

Hilbert: A medical facility, yes Commander. This was a laboratory.

Minkowski: W-What’s it doing in the –

Eiffel: Ugh!

Minkowski: Eiffel! Are you alright?

Eiffel: No… Commander, [whispered] there’s a dead spider in that jar! A huge spider!

Minkowski: Oh. Is that it?

Eiffel: Is that it? Look at this thing! Its legs are… so… hairy, and Jesus, look at that stinger! It’s gotta be at least as big as my thumb. [shudders] I hate spiders. Creepy little…

Hilbert: It’s not just over there Eiffel. Look. There’s more of them in those jars. Whoever owned this lab must’ve been running genetic experiments on arachnids.

Eiffel: To make them… bigger? What was the objective of that? To spice up my nightmares?

[faint scuttling noise]

Eiffel: Um… did anyone else hear something just now?

Hilbert: It’s not unheard of to put together large space stations by amalgamating individual parts from smaller crafts. If the Hephaestus was assembled in such a way, this room could just be a vestige from an older mission.

Eiffel: I don’t know, Doc. That still feels like a stretch. Why go through all the trouble of walling up Charlotte’s Lab instead of just clearing it out?

[faint electronic crackling begins]

Minkowski: Hey, looks like this computer terminal’s still working. Must be running on emergency power. Let’s see… um… I’ve got the log of one Dr. Elias Selberg. Entry number six hundred and fifty-three. “Alpha test series has yielded mixed results. Specimen growth and development promising, but… extremely high levels of toxicity unintended side effect. Contact with live specimens extremely dangerous. As shown with recent exposure trial.”

[faint scuttling noise]

Eiffel: Uh… guys?

Minkowski: “Captain Lovelace has ordered termination of all samples. Shame to lose months of work, but… hazard undeniable. Will have to proceed with extreme caution if hoped to” – [crackling fizzes out]

Minkowski: [sighs] Out of juice. That’s it for story time.

Eiffel: Okay. This place is officially giving me the creeps. Why would anyone go through the trouble of walling this place up just to keep us out?

Hera: Um… I – I do have an alternative theory, Officer Eiffel. [pause] But I don’t think you’re gonna like it.

Eiffel: What.

Hera: Um… Well… the walling in… Em… i-it might not have been a way of keeping you out. It… may have been a way of keeping something in.

[scuttling noise]

Eiffel: Comman –

Minkowski: That time I heard it, Eiffel. Everyone with me. Back away from the walls, tables, cabinets, anything that could be used as cover. We’re going to back out of this room. Quickly. Quickly!

Hilbert: Hera. Can you pinpoint the location of the other creature in this room?

Hera: Doctor, I can’t see anything going on in that room, I can – I can barely even hear you right now.

Eiffel: How is this thing even alive? We’ve been here for over a year and a half! How is it still alive? What has it been… eating?

Minkowski: Less questions, more getting out of – Hilbert! Look out!

[glass shattering]

[scuttling noise]

Minkowski: Doctor. Are you –

Hilbert: Fine, Commander. But I don’t know where the spider went.

Eiffel: Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Is it – Is it gone?

Minkowski: I’m… not sure. Let’s just get out of this room before it comes back, and – Eiffel, your shoulder!

Eiffel: [suppressed scream] Oh god! [smashing metal] No! C’mon, no! Jesus! Get it off me!

Minkowski: Light, give me some light here!

Eiffel: Get it off me! Get it off me!

Minkowski: Eiffel. Are you okay?

Eiffel: [fearfully] No.

Minkowski: Did it sting you?

Eiffel: [in a hoarse whisper] No. Not yet.

Minkowski: Yet? What do you mean? Did you see where it went?

Eiffel: It – It –

Minkowski: Eiffel. Stay with me. Where did the spider go?

Eiffel: It… it ran down my shirt. It’s standing on my stomach! Oh god oh god oh god what do I do what do I do?

Minkowski: Are you sure?

Eiffel: Oh, I’m sure. I can feel it. Walking. On my skin! It’s hairy and slimy! It’s hairy and slimy! Oh god, why is it hairy and slimy? [gasps]

Hilbert: Eiffel. Listen to me. Whatever you do, you must remain calm, okay? Don’t let go of that wall. Don’t float away. Don’t make any sudden movements. It won’t sting you unless it’s frightened. But you have to remain completely still, okay? [pause] Eiffel, did you hear me?

Eiffel: Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah. I heard you. No moving! Who needs movement, not me! No, I’m too scared to move!

Hilbert: Don’t talk. Not unless you have to. Keep your stomach relaxed. I’m going to go now.

Eiffel: [lowly] What?

Hilbert: Just for a moment. Just to my laboratory. I’m going to retrieve an anti-venom and I’ll be right back. Then we’ll find a way to get the spider off you. Okay?

Eiffel: Okay. O-Okay.

Hilbert: I will only be gone a moment. Keep him still. Don’t let him move.

Minkowski: Eiffel? Don’t worry. Everything is going to be alright. This thing is probably more scared of you than you are of him!

Eiffel: While I normally could get on board with that train, I assure you that in this case I’m definitely the more terrified party! [through gritted teeth] I. Hate. Spiders!

Minkowski: It’s just a bug. It’s just a big bug.

Eiffel: [in a hoarse whisper] It’s a huge bug! And weren’t you paying attention to what you were reading? “High levels of toxicity”! “Extreme danger”? It’s an extreme danger bug!

Minkowski: Shh! Easy. Don’t talk. Keep your breathing slow.

Eiffel: Commander. I can’t do this.

Minkowski: Quiet. Yes you can.

Eiffel: [sobbing slightly] Oh – Oh, no. I can’t! I can’t deal with this thing walking on me! Maybe – Maybe if I could just squash it –

Minkowski: No! Stop!

Eiffel: Just one quick blow, just wham! – and then it’s gone! I can do this!

Minkowski: What if you’re not quick enough? What if it stings you before it dies?

[pause]

Minkowski: Eiffel. Put your arm down.

[pause]

Eiffel: [inhale] Okay. Okay, you’re right.

[pause]

Hilbert: Eiffel.

Minkowski: [sigh of relief] Oh, good. Doctor, you’re back.

Hilbert: Eiffel. This is going to be delicate, so I need you to prepare yourself. First I’m going to give you a dose of antivenom, in case the specimen stings you. I have to administer the serum intravenously. You’re going to feel the prick, but you can’t flinch, you can’t move at all. Alright? Don’t contract the muscles in your stomach particularly. Just stay relaxed, okay?

Eiffel: And then I’ll be okay, right? Even if it stings me? It-It’ll be okay?

Hilbert: I – [pause] I can’t guarantee that, Eiffel. This is very good antivenom, but without knowing the exact makeup of the spider’s poison, cannot be certain that it’ll neutralise it completely. Still, better than nothing.

Eiffel: Oh dear god! [pause] Okay. Let’s get this over with.

Hilbert: Commander. Help me to roll up his sleeve. Slowly. Slowly. Careful. [pause] Okay. Eiffel, I’m going to insert the needle now. Don’t react. Don’t flinch. Don’t tighten your abdomen, don’t –

Minkowski: Would you just do it before he has a heart attack?

Hilbert: Right. Okay. Three, two, one.

Eiffel: [hisses]

Hilbert: Good, good, you’re doing great. And… there. All done. Excellent job, Eiffel.

Minkowski: Hilbert. What are we going to do? How are we going to get that thing off of him?

Hilbert: I’m thinking, Commander, I’m thinking.

Minkowski: What if we just shoot the damn thing? We could find where it is in Eiffel’s clothing, put the gun right up to it, aim away from his body, and just shoot the spider clean off.

Hilbert: Too risky. The sound alone – What if you miss? Even if you don’t, the spider’s reflexes might be fast enough to –

Eiffel: [panicked] Commander!

Minkowski: What?

Eiffel: I – I’m going to – sneeze!

Minkowski: What? Don’t!

Eiffel: Well it’s not like I have a say in the matter do I? I – I’m – Agh!

[scuttling noise]

Hilbert: Breathe through your mouth. Slowly.

Eiffel: [breathes loudly]

Hilbert: Eiffel, let go of your nose in a moment.

Eiffel: [breathes loudly]

Minkowski: Okay. We need to do something, and fast.

Hilbert: Agreed, Commander. But what?

[two static bursts]

Eiffel: I just want the record to show that I think this is a terrible idea.

Minkowski: Yeah, well, it’s the best one we’ve got, and you’re not going to last much longer.

Eiffel: How is this going to work again?

Hilbert: We need to kill the spider without striking it, or we risk your life. Solution is simple. Living organisms still need oxygen, so we just remove all the air from the environment. No O2, no spider.

Minkowski: As soon as we’re ready, Hera will pull the oxygen from the room, taking care of the bug problem.

Hilbert: You’ll wear this oxygen mask. Pump oxygen directly into your mouth. You’ll breathe normally, but we can’t give you a full suit for this to work. So you’ll have to be ready. Without the air it’s going to get very cold here. But you can’t move. Not until the spider is dead.

Minkowski: We’ll be right here next to you, okay? Are you ready?

Eiffel: If I die, Hera gets all my toys.

Minkowski: I’ll take that as a yes. Ready Hera?

Hera: Air pumps are ready, Commander, and oxygen is flowing through both your suits and Eiffel’s mask.

Minkowski: Alright. Helmets on, Doctor.

[helmet sealing]

Minkowski: [slightly muffled] Starting air removal in three, two, one, now.

[strong wind rushing]

Eiffel: Oh god! Oh god!

Minkowski: [slightly muffled] Just hang on for a little bit longer.

Hilbert: [slightly muffled] Is the spider reacting at all?

Eiffel: Still walking around. Damn thing’s on my chest now!

Hera: Oxygen levels at seventy-five percent.

[pause]

Eiffel: Okay. It’s starting to get a little nippy here! Nothing I can’t handle! Nothing I can’t – Agh!

Minkowski: [slightly muffled] What?

Eiffel: This… thing is pressing up against me! It’s putting its body up against my chest!

Hilbert: [slightly muffled] Eiffel. The spider is instinctively reacting to the drop in temperature. It’s trying to leech off your body heat. It’s a good sign. Let it happen. Just a little further now.

Eiffel: This thing is so gross this thing is so gross this thing is so gross this thing is so gross!

Hera: Oxygen levels at fifty percent.

Hilbert: [slightly muffled] Steady, Eiffel. Don’t twitch so much.

Eiffel: Easy for… you to say!

Hera: Oxygen levels at twenty-five percent and falling rapidly.

Minkowski: [slightly muffled] Just one more minute!

Eiffel: I – I – I can’t do this get this thing hell off of me! [ripping noise] Get it off get it off get it off get it off! Agh!

Minkowski: [slightly muffled] Eiffel! Are you okay? Did it –

Eiffel: [breathless] No – No, it didn’t sting me. I – Look! It’s floating right there. Totally still. Is it dead?

Hilbert: [slightly muffled] Hmm. Perhaps lowering the O2 levels to this point was enough to suffocate it. Or – Or maybe the lower temperature affected it to the point of –

[spider screeching]

Eiffel: Agh!

[gunshot]

Minkowski: [slightly muffled] I also brought a gun. Just in case.

Eiffel: [relieved] Ohh.

Hilbert: Right.

Eiffel: Good thinking.

[pause]

Eiffel: Okay… so now that that’s taken care of, if the two of you will excuse me. I’m gonna faint.

[two static bursts]

Eiffel: Hi friends. Just wanted to… check in, and let you know that I’m… I’m okay. Well, not okay okay. I don’t think I’ll ever really be completely okay after what I just went through, but, y’know, hanging in there. Minkowski and Hilbert just radioed saying they finished up tearing that creepy-ass lab, and there’s no more living specimens down there, thank god. Looks like it was just the one. Small comfort though, but at least it’s nice knowing I won’t run into another one of those things. Well. Except for the new recurring nightmare that I’m going to have from now until the heat death of the universe. There’s also a bunch of weird stuff down there, archives, notebooks, some computer files they’re pulling off that terminal, trying to see if we can’t figure out where the hell that room came from. Minkowski says she wants us to go through all that stuff ASAP, but, she said I could have some time off on account of, uh… nightmare death spider. I’m… kind of appalled that I can’t think of a way to unfairly exploit this yet, but… my mind is still kind of back at the… nightmare death spider. I’m gonna go now, friends. I’m gonna go… not sleep. No sleep. Never again sleep. From the USS Hephaestus station, this is the… newly traumatised Doug Eiffel. Signing off. G’night.

[outro music]

This has been Wolf 359, written and directed by Gabriel Urbina. The roles of Eiffel and Hilbert were played by Zach Valenti. The role of Minkowski was played by Emma Sherr-Ziarko. And the role of Hera was played by Michaela Swee. Original music by Alan Rodi, and audio recording by James Shone. If you enjoyed tonight’s episode, please consider writing a review on our iTunes page. Your reviews will really help us to raise awareness about the show. And about the dangers of genetically modified venomous spiders in deep space. So please, take a moment to do your part for these two very important causes. Visit us at wolf359.fm, or follow us on Twitter at @Wolf359Radio for more information on our show.

Transcript by @saltssaumure

[crossguild]

not a knock on the producers who made w359 like, fresh out of college, but u can really see their inexperience wrt storycraft in the protagonist-centered morality. the protagonists express ideas that the narrative clearly wants us to buy into, and then the story undermines its own messaging, especially when it comes to kepler, who kinda feels like they wrote with a lot of intention of depth but never really capitalized on it within the story itself

just off the top of my head:

eiffel talks kepler down from the mutiny in the final face-off with minkowski by saying (paraphrased) 'hey, i know you're supposed to be relentless and stubborn, but you have to know when to back down' yet eiffel celebrates minkowski's relentless stubbornness and inability to ever back down, & the narrative repeatedly rewards her for it

the dear listeners shut down kepler by basically saying 'violence doesn't give you power' and then they. immediately commit violence to take him out of the picture. we're supposed to like the dear listeners because they're on the side of the hephaestus crew, yet we learn soon after that they have genocided whole planets out of existence, and they either don't consider that an act of violence, or they think that they're allowed to commit violence because they have some higher moral authority and no one ever comes back around to that?? that whole plot is just dropped?? we're not even gonna address how kepler was 100% in the right about how even if they aren't aggressive, their existence beyond the paradigm of human existence means that humans will come to harm because of their benevolent curiosity?

lovelace is portrayed sympathetically, if not in the right for engineering events to let the jacobi outside the module be incinerated in a solar flare, but kepler killing someone he knows to be an alien clone who comes back is probably considered the worst thing he does in the podcast. ofc, we as an audience have more information than lovelace does, so i don't hold that against her or anything but like. we never look back on that? we never go back to think about how the clone WAS a person, and how setting him up to die might have emotionally affected lovelace and how she might've felt about the moral ramifications of doing it after she finds out about all the alien clone stuff?

seems kinda odd to me that kepler, who's been rightly knocked around by the narrative for prioritizing mission success over individual people, ends up dying as a direct result of embracing the themes of the show. he takes a moment to reaffirm the value of humanity, the producers point out that he's trying to give rachel every out to defect to the other side, he even shoots her nonlethally to give her more time to think about it-- and as a result of the one time he chooses to offer someone else a measure of grace, the one time he's open about his motive, the one time that he openly expresses that humanity matters-- THAT's the action for which he ends up dying? that says to me that he should've stuck to his guns and been a ruthless asshole to the end, cause then he might've lived. the death felt convenient, like the crew didn't want to deal with a complicated ending, so they wrote him out on a decently high note. which i liked. but in retrospect it felt contrived and also thematically off-base

it all basically sends the message that the protagonists aren't the protagonists because they choose to do the right thing, but rather that the thing is right because the protagonists choose to do them. even if the antagonist does a good thing or is right, it's not because they're not the protagonist. w359's prolly my favorite fiction podcast, but imo the narrative care given to eiffel, minkowski and hera is just missing for anyone who shows up after, and anyone who switches to their side just never has to deal with the fallout of their actions.

the protags' moral failings are played off as a joke (eg minkowski drugging her crew), but the antagonists' crimes are treated with the narrative gravitas that they deserve... and while it doesn't significantly diminish my enjoyment of the podcast, i sometimes do hold it up against other media that i love, and it makes me appreciate the way morality is framed in those stories so much more

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

Ahhh I want to ask you about literally all of them, but, please: Recognition through fear, Jon/sasha dancing and Widdle waby otters

:D!!!!!

under the cut bc three fics mean triple the space!

[WIP Challenge! ask me about my wips :} ]

OKAY jon/sasha dancing first bc its the most straightforward: one day i got obsessed with the idea of jon and sasha dancing waltz, sasha guiding him and also dipping him low and him letting her bc he's smitten okay, i rbed a prompt game begging for someone to send me the dancing one and then i couldn't finish it ;o;

[previous snippet, right before this]

The first two movements were predictably enough a disaster, as Jon started following her lead but she apparently realized the movement was supposed to be backwards, thus colliding with each other in the middle. As vanilla scent enveloped them she started whispering to herself where they were supposed to be going, both sets of eyes looking down to their feet in an attempt not to crash anymore, and after a couple of turns they actually managed to find a rhythm. Jon was the first to look up from their feet to the people around them, to make sure nobody was looking at them (nobody was, despite the prickling sensation at the back of his head), and finally lend them on Sasha's face.

She had a look of light concern, as if their joined feet were a difficult line of code she couldn't get her head around, and Jon almost expected her to stick out her tongue as she sometimes did. On a professional level, her dedication for everything was something admirable, and once again he was immeasurably glad that she decided to continue working with him. On a less professional level, maybe he was feeling a bit lighter on his feet seeing her up close, and when she finally looked back up he felt a knot at the base of his throat.

i mention the dipping bc she does, in fact, dip him later! he complains that nobody else is doing the dip and she's like Yeah but i really wanted to do it :p when will i have the chance to do this again, Jon?

-

widdle waby otters is.... exactly what it says on the title, kind of: early season 2 wolf (my beloved ♥), hera is offline and hilbert on the brig, and eiffel and minkowski spending all their time fixing stuff, when suddenly, silence....... both of them debating Who should be the one getting some sleep (minkowski voting for her second in command, eiffel for his commander), when finally minkowski says What If They Both Slept, on the bridge so if anything happened they'd be ready, tied together and to the console so they wouldn't drift apart and hurt each other, and THEN eiffels like OH.. LIKE OTTERS :D

like literally literally:

"Oh!" Up until the last point Eiffel was slowly nodding to her idea, but something about her last statement made his eyes light up. "Like otters!"

"What?"

"Yeah, yeah, like widdle waby otters!"

"...What!?"

"Like..." He laughed a bit, snapping his fingers as he recalled something. "One time my... the tv was on, right? And I see this shot of two adorable fluffy otters holding hands, and apparently they slept like that so they wouldn't float away in the water and it was so cute..." He puffed his chest with an evident overload of affection as he took his own hand in demonstration, and Minkowski pressed her mouth on a thin line.

"That... is extremely adorable, yes... Not quite what I was going for-"

"Well yeah, I mean, I assume we're not gonna hold hands but-"

"But that is the principle of what I'm saying, yeah." She took a breath, so very tired. "So...? What do you think?"

quoting this previous scene too bc its fucking hilarious (also, in case it wasn't obvious, its just a goofy fic of them doing goofy things due to sleep deprivation)

"I know how can we settle this on a simple, peaceful way once and for all." Triumphantly, he pulled out a coin. "Aha! Heads or tails?"

"Uh." That was not... "Heads."

"Heads for the lady and tails for the gentleman, come on lady luck."

And the flipped it with such force that it would have taken a couple of long seconds before it went down to his hand to reveal the winner and the loser, if forces of gravity applied in such context.

Which it didn't.

For obvious reasons.

Instead the coin kept twisting and twisting until it reached the ceiling and then with the same inertia it got thrown down to their side and then it kept ricocheting around. Eiffel looked at it as it uselessly floated progressively slower in the chamber with a sad, sad face, while Minkowski looked at him expression unwavering, if only because for a second she really did hope for it to roll heads.

"Wow."

"No..."

"You always manage to surprise me, Eiffel."

-

FINALLY, for Recognition through fear, its a small martin/annabelle fic where martin ponders about spiders while looking at annabelle sleeping on their s5 trip, wondering about what happened to her arachnophobia when she became an avatar of the web, feeling annoyed for worrying and even moreso when he carefully takes one of the larger spiders from her cheek with his hand and actually recognizes the subtle flinch of fear when she sees it up close

and it feels cruel

(and its annoying to relate, one way or another, to her)

He felt uncomfortable staring, but curiosity was contagious, he guessed, [ironically] of where and when they were, and he couldn't help but reach a little bit across the table while holding his breath to see it closer. He could barely distinguish the edges at first sight, entirely covered with thick cobwebs that resembled those edges he forgot to dust while living alone, and yet... color appeared behind it. Was it red? Pink? Something other, sickish? Part of him recoiled at the thought that that was, in fact, her brain, when a sight took his thoughts somewhere else. Somewhere close, perhaps.

The wall of cobwebs shifted under his gaze and it took him a long moment to understand what he was seeing. Spiders, tiny ones in between the holes and bigger ones raising to the surface, reaching her skin with long limbs and standing on her cheek. The thought of how he shouldn't trust them crossed Martin's mind, shouldn't like them, for they were agents of The Web just like the woman he so intensely guarded at the moment. But he was alone (and he really Was alone, wasn't he? Away from Jon, hidden from the Eye, from the Fears, the only other person deep on a dreamless sleep) and a quiet smile crossed his mouth despite the frown on his face, even that softening a little.

His moment of secret affection wasn't more than a blink, though, when he saw her twitch. Martin quickly retracted to his seat, grip tight on his book, but Annabelle didn't wake up. She simply... twitched. And shuddered. Eyes moving inside her eyelids and face contracting and breath itching and- Was she having a nightmare? Could she even do that, here? Putting his book aside again he frowned again, confused, concerned, and annoyed at his own concern. Until the spider watching back from her cheek made its way through her face and the movement of it grew for an instant, and it clicked.

It made sense, didn't it?

No, it didn't.

[triple-a-ace]

Every single important timestamp in ep. 61 of Wolf 359, Brave New World

Enjoy this because it took me almost four hours. 

Reblog and share with me your favorite moments and things that I missed!

***SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 61 OF WOLF 359 BELOW***

12:07 - Flashback: Eiffel meets Hera

18:10 - Lovelace and Eiffel in the Sol's cafeteria

26:48 - "Thank you, Daniel. And goodbye." - Warren Kepler

28:54 - Hera and Jacobi talking about Maxwell

29:07 - Flashback: Jacobi meets Maxwell

32:53 - Eiffel's last log to Anne

36:43 - Minkowski launches the Sol with Eiffel inside

37:58 - "Goddammit, Renée, don't do this." - Doug Eiffel

42:36 - “It’s very...us.”

43:17 - Flashback: Commander Minkowski meets Hera

48:17 - “Something about a harpoon?” - Rachel Young

49:37 - Eiffel’s imitation of Minkowski

51:42 - “I’ve got this friend, and she basically invented being paranoid on this station.” - Daniel Jacobi

54:23 - “The Hephaestus has almost fallen out of the sky so many times. It’s hard to believe that this is actually happening.”      “Honestly, it’s time. There are way too many ghosts in this place.”

54:41 - Flashback: Lovelace talks to Selburg 

58:51 - Eiffel remembers the command authentication code and turns the Sol around

69:23 - Eiffel opens comms with the Hephaestus 

70:08 - Eiffel crashes the Sol into the Hephaestus

71:50 - Hera talks to Eiffel after he’s back

72:44 - “You’re just gonna have to trust me, okay?”   “With my life, darlin. With my life.”

74:13 - “You’re gonna go do something stupid, aren’t you?” - Isabel Lovelace

74:50 - “Oh, gee, I’m not following one of your orders? Huh. Must be Monday.” - Isabel Lovelace

75:02 - “C’mon. Let’s go get our idiot back.” - Isabel Lovelace

77:26 - “You killed Bob!” - Doug Eiffel

80:48 - Hera appears in Eiffel’s mind

84:08 - “Hera? That’s- that’s really you?” - Doug Eiffel

85:15 - “My name is Hera!” - Hera

86:37 - “Of course you can.” - Doug Eiffel

89:11 - Kepler being on Jacobi and Minkowski’s side

90:34 - Kepler’s last drink of scotch

93:29 - Jacobi lets it slip that he’s gonna blow the engine up

96:08 - Cutter orders Lovelace to shoot Minkowski

98:01 - Eiffel crushes Pryce with a shelf of memories

100:00 - “ Renée Minkowski. And that is more than enough to kick your ass.” - Minkowski

100:43 - Lovelace defies Cutter’s orders

101:19 - “Screw you.” - Isabel Lovelace

102:12 - “Harpoon!?” - Mr. Cutter

103:05 - “Stay with me, Minkowski.” - Isabel Lovelace

104:11 - “I don’t need to beat you.” - Hera

106:09 - Pryce figures out that her memory is going to be wiped

106:33 - Memories are wiped

107:02 - Hera comes back and tells Minkowski and Lovelace

107:57 - “Hera, what did you do?” - Renée Minkowski

108:16 - “Hera, are you alright?” - Renée Minkowski

108:26 - Eiffel wakes up still with his memories

108:40 - Eiffel says his goodbyes

109:47 - Eiffel’s memory is wiped

110:14 - Flashback: Renée Minkowski meets Doug Eiffel 

112:43 - “Eiffel?” - Renée Minkowski

112:51 - “Do I know you?” - Doug Eiffel

113:02 - “My name is  Renée Minkowski. I’m the commander of this space station.” - Renée Minkowski

115:05 - Minkowski passes out (you can hear Doug calling her name as well)

116:00 - “Not that there is a Hephaestus anymore.” - Isabel Lovelace

116:38 - “What’s a guy gotta do to get some credit?” - Daniel Jacobi

117:40 - “Where is he?” - Renée Minkowski

118:02 - Doug listens to old logs

118:41 - “Hey, Renée.” - Doug Eiffel

119:00 - “You made it up to me. Big time.” -  Renée Minkowski

119:37 - “Am I still that same person?” - Doug Eiffel

121:07 - “Your name is Doctor Miranda Pryce. And I’m- I’m going to tell you a very, very long story. About the two of us.” - Hera

122:15 - “Thank you. For everything.” -  Renée Minkowski 

122:20 - “Now you owe me twenty bucks!” - Daniel Jacobi

122:43 - “It went great. You wanna know how I know? Because someone hasn’t glitched since they had that conversation.” - Isabel Lovelace

123:15 - “Commander. Have you decided what you want to do when you get back to Earth?” “You mean other than finding my husband and telling him that- you know.” “Not dead?”

124:46 - Minkowski communicates with Earth Space

125:15 - “Hera. You ready to go home?” -  Renée Minkowski

125:30 - Doug comes in and stays while Minkowski plots the course

125:38 - “C’mon Doug.” -  Renée Minkowski

126:10 - “But from what I gather, spending time with the two of you was about the best damn thing Doug Eiffel ever did.” - Doug Eiffel

126:22 - “Am I still Doug Eiffel? I’m not sure. Wanna find out together?” - Doug Eiffel

127:01 - “Here we go.” -  Renée Minkowski (or the last words in the episode)

[stray-tickles]

Letters

Read on AO3

“Hey, Commander.” Eiffel stuck his head through the door to the bridge. “Are you busy? Got a sec?”

Minkowski looked up from the monitor. “Yeah, what’s up?”

He floated in, looking somewhat sheepish. “I- I had an idea, but it’s kind of a downer, if you’d rather…”

She rolled her eyes. “Just spit it out.”

Eiffel stared out of the window to avoid looking at her. “This- this is way worse than we knew when we signed up for it. I was thinking about Lovelace’s old logs, and…” He sighed heavily. “We don’t know if we’re all gonna make it home.”

“We are.”

“We don’t know that.” He stressed. “And I- her crew. Some of them wrote letters to go back.” Now he did turn his head to meet her gaze. “We both have people back on Earth that we’d… I thought, if you want, we could do an exchange. Just in case.”

Minkowski narrowed her eyes. She didn’t like this kind of talk. “I’ve already decided that we’re going to make it back. You’re under direct orders to do so.”

Eiffel laughed quietly. “And I’ve always been super at following orders.” He laced his fingers together. “Look, I’m not giving up, I swear. It’s just for insurance.” Because he sometimes lay awake thinking about Anne and all the things he wanted to say to her. How if he died, he’d never get to. He cleared his throat, so he didn’t sound too choked up. “For peace of mind.”

The thought of Dominik had been on her mind, ever since she’d found out they were officially dead. If that death wound up being real… It would be nice to be able to say goodbye. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah. You’re not wrong. I can’t say I haven’t thought about… having insurance sounds good.” Especially when she’d already promised herself that Eiffel was getting back to Earth come hell or high water. “Anything you want me to take back, I’ll do it.”

“Okay.” Eiffel relaxed. “And you too. I mean out of the two of us I know what kind of chance I stand but… insurance, right?”

“Yeah.”

She’d have to write an apology for him too. For insurance.

--

Things were… okay. Doug could see that they’d all been through a lot, but given it was going to take them a few months to reach Earth, they were okay. Renée was getting stronger by the day, recovering from her gunshot wound, and he only occasionally caught her or Isabel looking at him in that heartbroken kind of way.

Despite what he’d heard of the logs, it seemed like he meant a lot to them. He’d get the hang of it eventually. They were easy to like.

Renée had been up and about for a couple of days when Hera gently reminded him that he needed to wash his clothes. He knew that, but at the same time, it had slipped his mind.

It was only in changing out of his filthy jumpsuit that he found a stack of envelopes stuck to the inside, tied together with an elastic band.

He removed it and flicked through them. Had he left something for himself?

Mom, Dad, Dominik… Eiffel. That one had his name on it. He stared at it. The handwriting wasn’t familiar, but nothing was familiar to him right now. Should he ask about it? Who would he ask? He didn’t want to bring up anything painful for the others.

Besides, he thought as he opened the envelope and slid out the folded paper within, it was addressed to him.

‘Hey Eiffel,

I guess if you’re reading this, I’m dead. I don’t think you’d expect me to write one of these for you, but then again, maybe you wouldn’t expect for you to be the one to make it home out of the two of us either. I don’t know what happened, but I promised myself a while ago that I’d make sure you made it back safe before anything else. I hope you’re not going back alone, but if you are, I’m glad it’s you.

I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to say. Something heartfelt and meaningful, of course, but there’s so much. And so little. Thank you for being here. I’d never admit it to your face, but your dumb jokes were only dumb some of the time. Thank you for being my friend. I want you to have a good life back on Earth. I hope you can hug Anne again, and I hope you keep trying. I hope there’s a new Star Wars movie waiting for you. I hope you get that pizza, and you get to really enjoy it.’

He was crying. Doug wiped his eyes on his sleeve to keep from blotting the paper and tried not to think too hard about why he was crying.

‘If it’s not too morbid, maybe you can look for Wolf 359 in the sky some time. By the time you’re back, you might be able to see the day we arrived. If you do, tell past me to relax a bit. To appreciate her dumbass Communications Officer more. Tell her that he’ll become one of the most important people in the universe to her, and that I need her to get him home.

I hope, if you are reading this, that it’s an accident, and you’re making fun of me. I’d happily play keep-away with you if we all make it back safely.

Signing off,

Renée Minkowski’

The tears were coming full force now, along with a crushing ache in his chest like someone had grabbed his heart and squeezed. Doug released his grip on the letter and fell back onto his bed, clapping his hands over his mouth as the sobbing started. It hurt, why did it hurt so much? What even was it that hurt this much?

“Doug?” It was Hera.

Oh. Hera. Hera.

He was shaking. A lot. He couldn’t seem to stop doing that any more than he could stop crying and gasping for air. He hoped Hera wasn’t too worried. She spent too much of her time trying to protect him. Oh. Where did that thought come from?

“Doug, are you okay?”

Protecting him. Why was she protecting him? He remembered being cold, feeling clumps of hair coming off in his hands. He remembered… being lost.

“Douglas Eiffel!”

He was… dying? Had been dying? He was trapped in a tiny space with no way out, cold and bleeding and alone and…

“EIFFEL!”

He gasped, coming back to himself. “S-sorry!” He gasped, the shaking easing off marginally.

“What is going on?!” Hera demanded, agitated. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?”

Doug swallowed against the lump in his throat. He remembered Hera. He remembered being lost in space. He remembered the deep pit of loneliness in his chest. “I’m fine, Hera, thanks.”

“Then tell me what is happening with you! You looked like you were having a seizure!”

“I’m okay.” He rubbed his hands over his face, eyes stinging from the tears. “Don’t worry about it, it’s… it’s fine.” He couldn’t tell them yet. This was so small. Isabel was still a blur, never mind Renée.

He was starting to understand why she’d been so sad.

Hera, predictably, didn’t listen. “Either you tell me what’s going on right now or I’m calling the others.”

“Hera…”

“Now.”

He sighed. “Okay, okay, just… you’ve gotta promise not to tell them.”

“Fine.”

“I’m serious.”

“Okay, I promise.”

Doug took a breath. “I think… I remembered something.”

Hera was silent for a few long seconds. When she spoke, she sounded breathless. “Are- are you sure?”

He groaned. “No, I- was I… lost? It felt like a nightmare, I was so cold and alone and maybe dying? I don’t know what that even means.”

“You- were lost.” Hera said quietly. “You were on a shuttle lost in space for… a long time. You used the cryogenic pod to survive.”

“Oh. That sounds right.”

“Anything else?”

Doug wrapped his arms around himself. “I think I remember you? Nothing specific, but… I remember that you- you’re stubborn and caring and- and you make me happy.”

Hera made a sound that could have been a sob.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“No!” She exclaimed. “No, I- that’s right. I think.” She seemed to take a moment to brace herself. “You- you make me happy too.”

“Oh.” Doug smiled to himself. “That’s nice.” It felt nice. He felt warm.

“We should tell the others.” Hera said decisively.

He balked. “What- no!”

“Doug?” She sounded genuinely confused.

He sighed heavily. “Just- what if that’s all I remember? I don’t- I don’t remember Renée or Isabel o-or Daniel, what if I never do?” He sagged. “I’ve seen the way they look at me. I- if I don’t remember… I don’t wanna hurt them. They’re okay right now. If I don’t remember them, we- we’ll be okay.”

“I… I understand.” Hera sighed. She didn’t like it, but she understood. “What triggered this? You were reading something, what was that?”

“Oh.” He looked over at the letter floating in the middle of his room. “It’s… Renée. She wrote me a letter. I don’t know, I just… found it. There’s others but I don’t recognise them.”

“Oh.” Hera breathed. “Yes, you two made an agreement a while ago. In case one of you didn’t survive, the other would be able to deliver them to their loved ones.”

For some reason hearing her say that, hearing the words ‘loved ones’ in reference to something addressed to him sent another white-hot jolt through his heart. “Oh.” He said in a small voice, quickly wiping away a stray tear.

“I’m sorry.” Hera murmured. “I wish I could give you a hug.”

Doug sniffled. “Me too.” He said, and grabbed one of the pillows from his bed, hugging it tightly to his chest. “I’ll pretend this is you, for now.”

“Thank you.” Hera said affectionately. “It does look very cozy.” She vowed to herself that she’d get one of the others to give him a hug for her as soon as they’d gotten to the bottom of this.

--

When things came back to him, they first came back as feelings. It turned out to be a good thing to tell Hera, because she was great at helping him make sense of it all.

“Hera? Was I… super mad at Renée about something?”

Hera snorted. “Well yes, at some point over the last few years, but you might want to be more specific.”

Even without his memories, Doug got the joke. “Ha, yeah I guess. I don’t know, it was like. Like she was leaving me behind.” He muttered the last few words. That sour feeling came with them.

“Or like she was sending you away?”

He huffed. “Yeah.”

“Yes, you were mad at her about that, not long before…”

He looked down, trying not to ignore the feeling. The feeling of the door as he pounded on it. The sound of her voice, guilty but determined. The helplessness of knowing that almost everyone important to him was back there and he was leaving.

“She… tried to send me back. To Earth. By myself.” Eiffel looked up. “Right?”

“Yes.” Hera admitted. “She said that if we failed… someone would need to warn the rest of humanity of what was going to happen.”

“Right.”

She sighed. “But I- I think she mostly did it because she cares about you. Wanted to keep you safe.”

“Oh.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That kind of backfired, huh.”

“You’re still here.” Hera reminded him. “That’s enough.”

--

A few days later, Doug woke in the middle of the night with tears streaking his face. Feelings, what was the feeling?

Guilt. Horror. Despair. The sound of sirens and the smell of metal and blood.

He sniffled. “H-Hera?”

“Yes? Yes, I’m here.” He wasn’t sure if he was imagining the pale blue light that seemed to fill whatever space she was in. “Are you okay, Doug?”

He wiped his eyes. “D-did I almost get my daughter killed?”

Oh. “Doug…”

“Please. Please just tell me.” He felt wrung out. He felt like the worst person alive. He felt like he didn’t want his memories back anymore.

“Yes.” Hera whispered. “It was an accident, you…”

He swallowed thickly. “I was drunk.” Shame. The memory of his little girl’s face, how she’d looked the last time he saw her, bleeding and injured.

“Yeah. But you didn’t mean to hurt her, a-and-”

“Enough.” He said flatly. “Please. I- I think I need to be alone now.”

“Eiffel…”

“Thanks for telling me.”

--

Memories of Anne snowballed into memories of Renée. Of her not talking to him, and how much that had hurt. How it had only hurt more when he found out why, even though he knew she was right to. How the pain mattered because… because she was important to him. He knew that before, but he felt it now.

Hera helped fill in the blanks. Reminded him of how they had reconciled. It helped. A little.

He spent as much time with the others as he could. They were good people, and regardless of whether he remembered them better or not, he wanted to be with them.

It was with that in mind that he made two cups of coffee and set out to find Renée. He knew from the recording about how they had lost coffee, and how much he had missed it. Maybe she had too.

He found her alone on the bridge and carefully floated over, cups in hand. “Coffee?”

Minkowski nearly jumped out of her skin in fright. “Jesus Christ! Don’t do that!”

Doug blinked and looked around confusedly. “Who?”

He was even more confused when Renée started laughing.

“S-sorry!” She giggled, one hand trying to cover her mouth. “It’s n-not funny.” It wasn’t, he’d forgotten everything, why was she laughing?

Well, he did have a way of getting under her skin, even now. She forced deep breaths, the laughter petering out, and noticed that Doug was giving her an odd look. “What?”

He shook himself. “Oh, uh, nothing.” He held out a mug.

“Thanks.” She said, taking it gratefully. “But seriously, what?”

He shrugged. “It’s just… nice to see you happy.”

Oh. She smiled into her coffee. How was she supposed to respond to that? “Sorry if I’ve been kind of a downer.”

“Nonono! You- you’ve been through a lot, it’s to be expected.” Doug knew he was a big part of that. Still, he couldn’t shake the warm, proud feeling inside sparked from making her laugh. That had happened before, hadn’t it?

Renée sighed, feeling herself relax that bit more. “Still. I’m glad you’re here.” She tried to come off as casual. “You gonna keep me company?”

He smiled. “Only if you want me to, Minkowski.”

She stared at him, and he realised he’d messed up. “Oh, I- that’s right, right? In the recordings…” He didn’t mention how natural it felt to call her that.

“Yeah.” She said quietly. “That’s right.”

“Cool.”

Minkowski cleared her throat. “And I… yes. I’d like you to stay.”

Eiffel smiled. “Cool.”

--

It was nice spending the time with Renée. They talked about nothing in particular, looked at the stars, drank their coffee. That proud, happy feeling in his stomach didn’t go away, in fact it got stronger. More memories of her surfaced, of them arguing, her saving him, patting him on the shoulder and wishing him a happy birthday, them laughing together.

He remembered Hera, too. Him staying up half the night chattering away with her about movies and music, her covering for him when he was slacking off, her saving him. Her viciously sarcastic streak. He waited until his door had closed behind him to speak. “Hey, Hera?”

Her voice crackled to life. “Yes?”

Doug smiled to himself. “I love you.”

“Oh!” She glitched. “Did you, um, did you remember something?”

She sounded flustered. It was kind of cute. “Yeah, a bit, from hanging out with Min- Renée. Mostly her, and you.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“And that I love you guys.”

“Okay Doug.”

He grinned. “Are you embarrassed?”

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

“No.”

“Are you the bestest AI in the whole wide galaxy?”

“Eiffel!” She squeaked, seemingly incapable of saying anything else.

He chuckled. “I just want to make sure you know.”

“Okay, fine, just shut up!”

“Anything you say, sweetheart.”

--

They were having dinner the next time it happened. Isabel had slathered her food with a bottle of red sauce that Doug didn’t recognise, and when he asked about it, she offered him some. Minkowski gave him a warning look, but, well. He’d never paid those any mind before.

He was so caught up in the euphoria of knowing that, that he swallowed before registering the flavour, and the next thing he knew he was spluttering and coughing from the intense burning in his throat.

Isabel clapped him on the back, clearly trying not to laugh, and offered him some water. “You okay, man?”

Doug nodded weakly, gulping down the water.

Minkowski shook her head but said nothing.

He finished the water, but the feeling in his throat lingered. Burning, stinging. Sticky? No, his throat wasn’t sticky, where had that thought come from?

Hot, sticky, panic. He’d been scared, choking. Dying? Again?

“Hey! You in there?” Isabel waved a hand in front of his eyes.

Oh. Lovelace. She clicked right into place in his mind as if she’d never been missing. Terse, no nonsense, goofy, brave.

An alien?

Yes. She was, yes! Her alien blood had saved his life when he was dying from decima, and again when he was brainwashed.

“Doug!”

He jumped. “Sorry! Sorry, I- uh, zoned out there.”

She seemed concerned. “You sure did! You okay?”

“Yeah,” He swallowed. “Yeah.” Concerned. Why did that ring a bell?

You guys weren’t… actually concerned, were you?

When was that? Why were they concerned? He felt… bad. Guilty and upset. And lonely.

What don't you do? You lie. You keep secrets. You do whatever you want, whenever you want.

Lovelace. And it hadn’t just been her, had it? She was just the first to say something, to tell him what a jackass he was being. He didn’t mean to be, he didn’t even notice!

But he had. To everyone.

Doug stood abruptly. “I, uh, I think I’m done.” He said, trying to not let his emotions show on his face. “Gonna go to bed.”

He didn’t sleep.

--

“You should tell them.”

Doug floundered. “But there’s still so much I can’t remember! Those books, a-and what happened in second grade, the movies!”

Hera sighed. “You’re never going to remember every single thing that happened in your life, you know that. But you remember them, and me, and you remember how much they matter to you. Isn’t that enough?”

It was enough. More than enough, actually. They mattered to him so much, and what was he? He’d hurt everyone who he’d ever cared about. He was useless, lazy, and thoughtless. This couldn’t be the person that they wanted. It just couldn’t. “I need more time.”

Hera didn’t seem to care. “For what? I thought you’d be excited to tell them.”

“I’m not.” He muttered, his heart aching.

Hera paused. “Please.” She said quietly. “Talk to me.”

Eiffel hugged the pillow to his chest and buried his face in it, struggling not to cry. Hera waited patiently.

He let out a shuddering breath. “Hera, I’m… awful.” He whispered. “I almost got my daughter killed, I’ve been terrible to you, to all of you! Why would anyone ever want that guy back?”

“Eiffel…”

He sniffled, blinking back tears. “But that’s it, maybe- maybe they don’t. Wh-what if when we get back…” He was trembling. “What’s the p-point in keeping me around?”

“Because we love you, you idiot!”

“Why? After everything-”

“After everything is the whole point! We’ve been through hell together; you think none of that matters because you made a few mistakes?”

“It’s more than that and you know it.”

“What I know is that you were the first person who made me feel like a person.” Hera said fiercely. “And I won’t let anyone talk about you like that, even you.”

Eiffel hugged the pillow tightly. “Hera…”

She softened. “Are you really worried that the others won’t want you to be part of their lives when we get back?”

He tried to laugh but wound up crying instead. “C’mon. Look at me.”

Hera sighed. “I need to figure out how to do hugs.” She muttered, getting no reaction. “Look, I know you’re scared, and you feel like you- you’re not good enough. But you can’t go on like this. The only way to make that feeling go away is to tell them.”

He fell sideways onto the bed. “I don’t want to.” What even was he, without his crew? He might as well go back to jail.

“I know.” Hera murmured. “I guess the memories about how much we all need you haven’t come back yet.”

“Sure.” Eiffel muttered. He didn’t have the strength to question whether such memories even existed.

--

It took him a day to find the resolve to make the choice, and another after that to figure out how to do this. He’d looked Minkowski and Lovelace in the eye enough times to know that he couldn’t just casually start that conversation.

He owed them the truth, in whatever way he could deliver it.

Eiffel held the letter in trembling hands, looking over it for the hundredth time, trying to absorb some of Minkowski’s strength. It helped somewhat.

‘Thank you for being my friend.’

He’d need to return that sentiment, somehow. When he could.

He shook himself. One thing at a time.

It was a good thing he’d figured out the comms system on the Urania. Eiffel cleared his throat and flicked a switch. “Hey gang.” He said awkwardly. “I- uh- couldn’t think of a good way to do this, so I’m just gonna take the coward’s way out! Anyway, I- I got my memories back, mostly. Yay. That’s all. Um… carry on.”

He could have left the comms room. Part of him wanted to. The nervous energy buzzing under his skin screaming at him to run away, but he stayed. It was done now.

Barely a minute later the door opened, revealing a wide-eyed, out of breath Renée Minkowski. She stared at him. “If this is supposed to be some kind of joke…”

Eiffel felt his nerves melt away. “Hey.” He said softly. “Thanks for the letter.”

It was a good thing that he’d had the foresight to strap himself into the comms seat, because otherwise the two of them would have ended up slammed into the opposite wall from the force that Minkowski launched herself at him. Eiffel managed to catch her as they collided and swallowed his grunt of pain from the tightness of the hug.

He let out a long sigh. This felt right. “Hey.”

Renée took a shaky breath. “Hey.” She managed to loosen her iron grip enough that he’d be able to breathe. Letting go wasn’t on the cards right now. “How did you…”

“Like I said,” He murmured. “Thanks for the letter.”

Oh. She huffed a laugh. “I forgot.”

“Me too.”

She snorted into his shoulder. “Don’t even- it’s too soon to joke about that.”

Eiffel grinned. “Oh yeah? I swear I heard a laugh there.”

Minkowski felt herself smile. “No.”

“Okay, whatever you say.”

He was teasing her, and it felt so utterly normal. It was okay. They were going home, Eiffel was here, himself, and they were safe… Wait. “Pryce!” She yelped, drawing back, “Is she-”

Eiffel jumped. “It’s fine, it’s okay!” He said. “And jeez, don’t yell right next to my head.”

“What do you mean it’s fine?”

He sighed. “It’s fine! Hera’s been keeping a really close eye on her. We might have been linked before but… seems like this is just a me thing.”

“Oh, thank god.” There was a scare, and then there was thinking they might be trapped with a pissed off Miranda Pryce. “Wait…” Her eyes narrowed. Hera has been keeping a close eye on her? “How long have you-”

He looked away. “I mean, that’s a complicated-”

“Almost two weeks!” Hera chirped.

“What?”

“Hera!”

Hera was utterly unrepentant. “Oh, I’m sorry, I was just answering the Commander’s question.”

Eiffel groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god, you’re the worst.”

“No, I can think of someone who’s worse.” Minkowski growled.

“Ugh, it’s not- look it’s not like everything came back all at once, okay?! I wasn’t gonna say anything if I wasn’t sure it’d stick, or-” He groaned again. “How am I back for five minutes and already being court martialled?”

She forced herself to take a long breath and drop the anger. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I-I just don’t understand.”

Eiffel hugged himself. “Like I said, it was… gradual. I found your letter, but I didn’t know what it was, and it- I don’t know, it triggered something. All I remembered at first was being stuck in cryo, and I thought maybe it was a fluke.”

“And after that?”

She shrugged, not looking at her.

“Eiffel…”

“Oh, it’s nothing really, Commander.” Hera said, a steely edge to her voice. “He’s just upset because we’ll obviously never speak to him again once we get back to Earth.”

“What?!” Now she was incredulous. There was no way he could think that, right?

Apparently he could, because he looked utterly crestfallen at Hera’s words. “Hera, c’mon.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, is that not what you think?”

He looked like he was about to cry. “Hera…”

Minkowski felt something hard settle in her stomach. No. Absolutely not. “Why would you think that?” She asked, trying her best to keep her voice gentle.

He buried his face in his hands. “Seriously Renée? Have you seen me? I’m terrible. I’ve hurt literally everyone I’ve ever cared about, I’m lazy and rude and shitty.”

The venom in his voice stunned her into silence.

“And you- you’ve got your shit together! What- are you gonna come home and be like ‘hi honey, this is Doug; high school dropout, air force dropout, alcoholic jackass convicted felon, we’re just gonna- gonna hang out?!’”

Doug was crying now. He tried his best to stop, he didn’t need either of them feeling sorry for him. It was his own fault that he’d turned out like this.

A familiar hand took his. Against his better judgement, he looked up at her.

Renée started slowly. “I’ll say, ‘Hello Dominik, I missed you so much that it felt like a hole in the chest. This is Doug Eiffel, he’s my best friend. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have made it back at all, let alone as anything resembling a human being. He’s going to be part of my life now, and if you don’t like it,” She squeezed his hand tightly. “I know my choice.’”

“Wh- no.” He rasped, “Y-you can’t.”

“No, what I can’t do is move on from this and- just let you go. It’s not happening.” She spotted the letter half floating out of his pocket and took it, holding it up to him. “I don’t know what part of this made you think I’d even want that.”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Please, don’t- I’m not worth it.”

Well, she couldn’t not hug him. “You are.” She said, cradling his head with one hand and running her fingers through his tangled hair. “I can’t go back to regular life without you. Promise you’ll be there.”

Eiffel sniffled. “Commander…”

“Eiffel.” She tightened the embrace. “Please. For me.”

She just had to play that card, huh? He swallowed thickly. “Fine.” He raised his arms to return the hug. For you.

She sighed in relief. “Thank you. And we’ll work on the whole feeling like you’re not worth it thing. Together.”

He wasn’t sure about working on it, but together? That he could deal with.

--

Minkowski had insisted he had some tea after… all of that. It was all he could do to stop her from making it for him. He did have to admit that talking to her helped. He didn’t exactly feel great about himself, but… well, if she was going to throw her lot in with him, he’d have to be better.

Doug sighed, watching the tea steep. He couldn’t deny the part of him that was happy from the ultimatum. He didn’t like being alone, never had.

“Um… Officer Eiffel?”

He looked up. “Hey Hera, what’s up?”

“I-” She hesitated. “I wanted to apologise.”

He cocked his head. “Apologise?”

Hera sighed. “Yes. I’ve been too harsh with you. I don’t like seeing you like that, talking about yourself like that, and I tried to… well, I can’t shame you into thinking about yourself more positively.”

“Eh, never hurts to try.”

“Yes it does!” She exclaimed. “It does, I-I feel like I just made you feel worse.”

Eiffel’s hand curled delicately around the handle of his mug. “It’s okay, Hera. You did help. It’s not like I was gonna open up on my own.”

“You talked to me about it.”

He laughed. “Yeah, well, it’s easier when I don’t have to look you in the eye. No offense.”

“None taken.” She paused. “Are you feeling better at all?”

Eiffel held the cup in his hands, savouring the warmth. “A little.”

“That’s good. I want you to be happy.”

He smiled weakly. “Thank you. You too.” He sipped the tea and grimaced at the temperature, putting it down to cool.

Hera coughed. “Oh, um… incoming.”

Doug frowned. “Incoming what?” He asked, before being tackled by a very enthusiastic Isabel Lovelace.

“Are you kidding me?!” She said, as they span in circles.

He grinned. “Oh, hey Cap.”

She squeezed him tightly, laughter colouring her voice. “The first nap I take in literally years and that’s when you decide to break the news?”

Eiffel burst out laughing. “Oh my god, really?”

“Yes! I got up, like, a few minutes ago! Ran into Minkowski in the hall and asked what I missed; I think she thought I was screwing with her.”

His shoulders shook with laughter. “Jesus-”

“You’re officially on my shit-list, Eiffel.” She said, though the effect was ruined by the massive smile.

He pulled back enough to grin at her. “I wasn’t before?”

Lovelace laughed. “Oh, you really do remember.”

He hugged her tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. “I really do.”

She buried her face in his shoulder. “Good to have you back.”

“Good to be back.” It was. Despite himself, he was happy.

She drew back. “Oh my god, I wanted to tell you, you should have seen the look on Minkowski’s face when she realised you were gonna ram us with the Sol.”

Oh yeah. He did do that, didn’t he. He winced. “Was she mad?”

Lovelace snorted. “I don’t know if mad is the right word. Definitely surprised, but like,” She broke into giggles, “I swear she aged like twenty years; it was like a parent finding out their kid set fire to the classroom on the last day.”

Eiffel covered his eyes with one hand, laughing silently. “That’s such a specific picture.”

She nudged him. “But you know exactly what I mean.”

“Oh yeah, I’m familiar with all the annoyed faces of Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski.”

“You sure about that?” Renée asked from the doorway, making them both snap their mouths closed. “See, Hera? It’s when they shut up that I know they’ve been talking about me.”

Hera laughed, and Doug grinned. “Heeey, bestie!”

“Oh Jesus-” She buried her face in her hands to hide the smile. “Well, it’s good to see you’re feeling more yourself.”

“Is it? Are you sure?” Lovelace teased.

She rolled her eyes. “Yes.” Even at her expense, she’d missed that smug grin.

--

It was late in the supposed evening when Minkowski found him alone on the bridge. “Hey.” She said quietly, to avoid scaring him.

Eiffel looked up. “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

She shrugged. “Just checking in.”

“Oh.” Pause. “Why are we whispering?”

“I don’t know.” Hera whispered.

Their eyes met, and all three burst out laughing.

Renée straightened up, stray giggles still leaking out. “What are you doing up here?”

He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. I figured I might as well enjoy the view.”

“Mind if I join you?”

Eiffel smiled gently. “’Course not.”

“Thanks.” She floated up to the middle of the window, beside him. Maybe she’d actually miss this kind of view when they got back.

“Really doesn’t feel like we’re going very fast, does it?”

“I could always add some whooshing noises for effect?” Hera said.

Minkowski barked a laugh. “No, thanks Hera.”

“Happy to help!” She chirped, in that sweetly insipid voice that she only used when she was joking nowadays.

They floated in silence for a little while.

Minkowski spoke first. “How are you doing?” She asked, not looking at him. Knowing that being stared down was the last thing she’d want, in his shoes.

“Better.” He said. “I slept a ton last night, and… it’s nice, having you guys back.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I was thinking, getting hit with every bad day you’ve ever had in rapid succession like that probably isn’t great for the ol’ self-esteem.”

Oh. “Yeah, probably not.” Suddenly remembering all the people she had gotten killed would probably take a toll on her too. “Still. If you need to talk…”

“Thanks, Commander. I’ll keep you posted.”

She stretched. “I won’t be that for much longer.”

Eiffel groaned. “Ugh, don’t remind me, Renée.” The disdain in his voice made her grin. “Can’t believe I called you that, it feels like a weird taste in my mouth.”

She elbowed him gently. “You’d better get used to it.”

“I only just got used to Minkowski!”

That earned an eye roll. “You can stick to that, if you want.”

He raised his eyebrows, floating upside down. “You sure? Doesn’t feel like normal civilian behaviour.”

“You really think we’re gonna be normal civilians?”

Eiffel chuckled. “Fair point. I’ll try though.”

“What about you? Got a preference?”

“Huh?” It took a moment to realise what she was talking about. “Oh, not really. As long as it’s my name I’m good.”

Minkowski smirked. “Good to know, Fernand.”

“I hate you.”

“Sure you do.”

He laughed. “Jackass.”

She grinned to herself, then noticed something floating out of his pocket. “Hey, you got a man overboard there.”

“Huh?” Eiffel looked down and spotted the letter making an escape attempt. “Oh, thanks.” He pushed it back, buttoning the pocket, and looked up to find her giving him a strange look. “What?”

Minkowski wasn’t sure if she was touched or mortified. “Are you… carrying that around with you?”

He put a hand over the pocket the letter was in. “Why not? It’s mine.”

She groaned, but couldn’t quite put the messy feeling into words.

Eiffel’s mouth quirked into a grin. “I like it. I think when we get back, I’ll get it framed.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Aw but it’s so sweet!” Eiffel teased. “Who knew the big bad Commander was such a sap?”

Minkowski grumbled, her face flushing, and Hera scoffed. “Oh please, like yours was any better.”

His face dropped immediately, seeing her expression shift into a grin. “No.” Doug said, pushing himself right way up. “No, don’t even think about- No!”

With a laugh, she took off in the direction of her quarters, Eiffel hot on her tail.

He couldn’t help but laugh too. “Minkowski! Don’t you dare!”

“It’s only fair!” She shouted, punching in the code to her door.

“No!” Eiffel yelped, catching up just as the door opened and quickly darting in before she could. He was triumphant for a moment, right up until the door closed and locked him in. “Shit!”

She took a moment to laugh and catch her breath. “Hera?”

Hera laughed. “Okay, it is only fair. I won’t let him out.”

“Traitor!” He yelled through the door.

“Aw, that’s not what you really think, is it?” Minkowski teased, digging around in her pockets for the stack of envelopes.

He banged a fist on the door, grinning helplessly. This was what she’d said in her letter, wasn’t it? Something about how it’d be okay to be made fun of if they were all safe. They were all safe, and it was okay. Embarrassing, but… he could live with that.

“Did you seriously keep them on you?”

“You didn’t?” She said, skipping through the admittedly not numerous letters.

“No, I-I did.” He didn’t mention that they’d been jammed in his armpit for several months.

There was only one blank envelope. Seemed like he’d gone a step further than her in the hopes of it not being noticed while he was still alive. She opened it, pulled out the contents, and snorted. “Is this a pizza voucher?”

“I’ll have you know that place is amazing!”

“It’s expired.”

“What? No!”

“It expired before we left!”

“Well…” He floundered. “It’s the thought that counts! Anyway, that’s the only thing in there, so you can just let me out now…”

“Nice try.” Minkowski grinned, audibly rustling the paper.

Eiffel groaned, completely unable to stop smiling. “C’mon!”

She paused. “Seriously.”

He groaned again, burying his face in his hands. This was worse, somehow. He could remember setting out to write something for Minkowski; he knew she’d blame herself if she was going home without him, but he’d been stuck on what he could possibly say that would make that better. Hera helped. She’d asked him what he wanted to achieve and he’d come up with two answers. He wanted it to be sincere, and he wanted to make her laugh.

He pouted. “Ugh, it’s fine, I guess…” Knowing she’d get the message. This warm, happy feeling buzzing inside him from the sheer joy of being understood, of how much he loved them all.

Minkowski ran her thumb across the folded letter with an affectionate smile. She was almost tempted to put it away and save it for another time. Almost.

The first thing she noticed was that it wasn’t so much a structured letter as a series of disconnected fragments. The second thing she noticed was a cartoon that he’d drawn. “Is-” She coughed to hide a laugh. “Is this supposed to be me?”

Eiffel was smiling, she could hear it in his voice. “What, you can’t tell? I thought the harpoon would be a dead giveaway!”

Did he… He didn’t even know, did he? “I killed Cutter with a harpoon.”

“Oh yeah, sure, very funny.” There was a long pause. “Wait, for real?!”

It wasn’t funny. She’d impaled a man, it wasn’t funny. She laughed anyway. “Yep.”

He cackled. “Oh my God, badass. I wish I’d seen it.”

“It did feel pretty badass.” She glanced over one of the small paragraphs scribbled in the margin and felt her eyes get a little misty. Eiffel’s loyalty had surprised her before, but seeing the words ‘really special person’ written about her… shit, maybe she was a sap.

“You hanging in there, Minkowski?”

“Spoiled for choice.” Wait… “Is this a poem?”

Eiffel snickered. “I don’t know, is it?”

She stared at the letter incredulously.

‘There once was a man with a face Who almost drowned out in deep space His commander she saved him But then it was mayhem And she was really really cool’

Any chance she had of maintaining composure went up in smoke at the last line. She clamped a hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her laughter, but knew it was futile. “That- that doesn’t even rhyme!”

“Oh, it doesn’t?” He sounded delighted with himself. “Silly me.”

“Idiot.” She snickered, smiling so widely it hurt.

Eiffel grinned. “Can I come out now?”

Minkowski rolled her eyes and pocketed the letter. “Fine.” As if she wasn’t going to cherish that scrap of paper for the rest of her life.

The door whooshed open after a moment, revealing Eiffel standing there with an expectant smile and his arms loosely outstretched. She rolled her eyes again and dragged him into a hug. “Thanks.”

He squeezed her tightly. “Eh, it didn’t trigger decades of missing memories, so nothing too special.”

“Or tears!” Hera said.

“Hey! That was the flashbacks!”

“Sure, sure.” She said, amused. “And the second time?”

“Hera!”

Minkowski grinned, pulling back. “Eh, not his fault he’s a softie.”

Hera scoffed. “Oh please, you’re soft peas in a sappy pod.” They both flushed. “You do realise it was never part of the agreement to write something for each other?”

Eiffel fumbled. “It- it wasn’t not part of the agreement!”

“Uh huh.” Hera teased.

Minkowski smirked. “Okay, so maybe we’re saps.” She conceded, slowly reaching a hand into her back pocket. “You sure it’s just us?”

“Commander!”

“Yes?”

Eiffel looked between her and the nearest camera, confused. “What?”

Hera sounded mortified. “Okay, okay, you made your point!”

She smiled smugly. “Oh, good.”

“What is going on?”

“Nothing!” Hera said.

“Don’t worry about it.” Minkowski said with a wink. “You’ll find out.”

--

Doug returned to his room the next day to find a folded piece of paper on his bed. He frowned at it. “Hey, Hera? What’s this?”

Surprisingly, there was no reply other than the slight buzz of the speakers. So, she was there. But she wasn’t answering him.

He sat down and carefully unfolded it. This time, he recognised all of the handwriting. The slightly untidy scrawl, the meticulous block letter, and of course, the one clearly typed and printed.

He smiled as his eyes scanned the words, and the signatures at the bottom of the page. “Thanks, Hera.”

She didn’t respond.

Eiffel’s smile grew and he hugged the letter to his chest. “I love you.”

Hera paused nervously. “I know.”

He laughed quietly. “Yeah, yeah. Wait, that’s Star Wars, isn’t it?”

“Um. Yes?”

He laughed delightedly. “Oh my god! I remember Star Wars!”

Oh. “I’m happy for you.” She said warmly.

Eiffel pressed himself against the wall, hugging it as best he could. “I love you so much, Hera.”

“As much as Star Wars?”

He laughed quietly. “So much more than Star Wars.”

She softened. “I love you too.”

[nobodysdaydreams]

Any one or more of these that you'd like to answer for any of the characters I'd love to see! Hope you're doing well with finals <3

Doug Eiffel, Daniel Jacobi, Nicholas Benedict, & Dr. Garrison

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Thank you, Sophie! So many fun questions! Let's see... where to begin.

Doug Eiffel

6. What's something you have in common with this character? We both have very bad ADHD. I don't know if there's a character I've related to as strongly as Doug Eiffel for that specific purpose. I'll have to pull together a list of all the ADHD characters I related to someday.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? He gets to see his daughter Anne again. After all this time he deserve a chance to make things right. His daughter needs her dad to come home and give her a hug.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? I love Doug's friendship with Hera and Minkowski. They all care for each other so much despite their differences and they survive because they rely on and care for each other.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like? I love writing about Doug's new life experiences on Earth without his old memories. Reinventing himself, finding himself again. However, I don't like the fact that I haven't had time to write a ton of Wolf359 in a while. Why must my ideas be so ambitious? 😭

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? First impressions, ngl, I judged Doug a bit for his need to make jokes and be at the center of attention and apparent lack of regard for the feelings and concerns of others, until I realized the reason I didn't like him were because he reminded me of my own flaws. But we learn and we grow, and Doug certainly did. Very proud of him.

Daniel Jacobi (aka Duck Boy 🦆)

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? This is gonna sound bad, but affectionately bully him a little bit. Even though I really came around to this character, he really needed to get it together. Glad he finally did!

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? I have several head canons that I really need to start writing more about, one of them being that Jacobi and Maxwell have similar broken relationships with their families (for some similar and dissimilar reasons) and that's part of what drove them to become friends. Also that duck imprinting on Jacobi fic (it will take a while to get there but I have ideas)

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? Jacobi and Maxwell's friendship. I know people talk a lot about Jacobi and Kepler, but he was a horrible boss and their relationship had a huge toxic power imbalance (though I begrudgingly came around on Kepler too, oh if only Whiskey Boy could have gotten there sooner). But you can tell Jacobi actually cares about Maxwell. She's possibly the only character he not only cares about but believes in. Jacobi knows Kepler is full of it (though his thoughts about Kepler being full of it certainly increase after Maxwell's death, he knows to some extent Kepler's kind of a jerk), but you can tell he believes in Maxwell. He justifies all the horrible things he does because he says they allow people like her to do her job. He sees her potential to do good and wonderful things and realizes just how much is lost when she dies (and later on, how much was really lost by having her work at Goddard when her work could have gone to so many better things). He sees his own goodness as only being an extension of protecting and helping her. When she dies, Jacobi just becomes the guy who explodes things and kills people. You see the toll that takes on him. It's also nice to see Maxwell caring for Jacobi before she died. You can tell she sees the potential he has for goodness despite the fact that Jacobi can't see it in himself.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? Y'all already know I had some negative words to say about this man (he deserved it), but I went from bullying Duck Boy to affectionately bullying him, and I loved his arc! We love to see redemption.

Nicholas Benedict

6. What's something you have in common with this character? Being neurodivergent, relying on friends and family, and especially the show version and the way he reacts to situations. Oh my brother is the evil guy who wants to kidnap me? Let me hop into a row boat I'll give him something to kidnap! He's very distractable and the inattentive ADHD is easy to see but those big emotions and impulsivity slip out every now and again and that's something I very much relate to.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? I love that we all recognize and agree that he is an amazing mentor figure and cares so much about his family. I know that sounds cliched but its so wholesome.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? SO MANY and in the interest of not spoiling my own fic, I'm just gonna say that he's been through so much, but has chosen, in spite of it all, to chose to be good and be better, and I greatly admire that.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? His relationship with his daughters (Number Two, Rhonda, and Constance). You can tell he loves these girls and they are his family, blood related or not. It's delightfully wholesome.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like? I'll do the fic reading question for Nicholas, because I love when fics understand Nicholas. He might not be super athletic and might rely on his friends a lot, but that does not mean he's incapable or blind to who his brother is. Nicholas knows Nathaniel, he knows how controlling, manipulative, and slimy he is, heck, that's the whole reason he left when he was a kid. Nicholas knows Nathaniel has all sorts of traps for him, he's not stupid. He just loves his brother and believes in him and is willing to take risks to get him back (and it paid off 🥹🥰). Something I don't like is when Nicholas is portrayed as dumb or incompetent for believing in Nathaniel or forgiving him (not that Nathaniel wouldn't have consequences- that's part of the redemption process- but I don't like it when people try to say that Nicholas was wrong to want to get his brother back or somehow betrayed his friends by doing so even though Nicholas was firm in condemning Nathaniel for his treatment of the children and others).

Dr. Garrison

6. What's something you have in common with this character? Women in STEM. Mental health issues. Science. Psychology. Neuroscience. That about sums it up. I really wish we could have learned more about her backstory, what she wants, and what led her to work for Curtain.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? Explore her backstory and complex relationship with Curtain and other characters. If the show wouldn't do it, then we can! I mean, they teased it a bit in season 2, but like...give us more!

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? You already know. Here, let me just...there we go. But to summarize, she's an orphan, cares about others but has trauma and her own goals that frequently get in the way of that, she once had a better relationship with Curtain and several other characters, and she struggled with alcoholism and depression at several points in her life.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like? Give her angst and complexity. She's a villain, don't get me wrong, but there's so much to her, and I just want to give her a hug. I have no idea if this was where they were going with her in the show, but I love writing it. I'm glad I was able to do that in SOS because I don't like the idea of writing her off as a side character when I think she has a lot more to offer.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? At first, being a books fan, I wondered why the show had so much of her, and at first thought it was to better characterize Curtain and his complex and weird relationship with his employees and pathological need to be liked and have the appearance of friends. But then, season 2, when they revealed she built the inventions and was working with Curtain for the money...and is apparently aware of the existence of psychics (as was Curtain at one point)...like girl, WHAT HAPPENED? I didn't go this direction in SOS, but I would not be surprised if had the show continued, the research Curtain, SQ's birth parents, Garrison, and Milligan were doing together had something to do with psychics, which would have tied nicely into the whole "where are Constance's birth parents?" plotline. Will I incorporate any of that into my fic? Haha...no spoilers. 😉

Thanks for the ask Sophie! 🥰

[iiryebreadii]

Episode 14

- I am sleepy so I might have to revisit this episode later

- Walking through an office building ASMR

- Wait are we hearing where the music transmissions are coming from??

- Who???? Are you???

- this man gives me Kevin from Welcome to Night Vale vibes

- Oooohhh is this the guy that Hilbert called??

- Apparently yes

- Mr. Cutter??

- Eiffel is using his head I’m so proud :’) dont tell this guy anything!!!

- I do not like how he keeps calling her Renee :/ that’s Commander Competent to you, sir

- Mr. Cutter your vibes are rancid

- Guess the mission is continuing :/

- Excuse me what. Destroy you??? Excuse me????

- Mr. Cutter die challenge

- Yeah what DO we do with Hilbert?

- Shoot him!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!

- Execution time babey!!!!

- Why are this mans vibes so utterly rancid

- I’m glad that Doug and I agree that Minkowski is Commander Competent

- Aw he made her laugh :) Doug your vibes are the opposite of rancid

- I miss Hera :(

- PUT A BULLET IN HIS HEAD COME ONNNNNN

- Ok I guess he could be useful for info but I’m not happy about it >:T

- Oh dear I hope that’s not something bad whatever’s on the aux power

- WAIT IS THAT THE VOICE THING???

- IT IS!!!!

- yeah what are they saying

- Captain Isabelle Loveless(?)

- Oh no... ohhhh no I do not like thisss

- There’s something else THE UNSEEN AND UNKNOWN THING. HERA WE NEED YOUUUU

- THEY ARENT THE FIRST CREW

- get out get out get out ohhhh dear that’s not good

- WHAT IS GOING ON HERE INDEED DOUG

- W H A T

- I do NOT like Cutter but I think that’s the point

- They aren’t the first!!! There was another crew, and there’s something UP with this mission, whether it’s the station itself, the star, some weird reality warping stuff, or WHATEVER, and they gotta figure things out!!

- So obviously Hilbert wasn’t too valuable to his superiors, since they just threw him under the bus

- Not sure if I approve of leaving him alive, but also I appreciate the pursuit of answers

- If the original crew was never meant to come back, does that mean that Hilbert also knew this wasn’t something he was coming back from? Or did they leave that little tidbit of info out when they gave him the ol mission briefing

- I am SO pumped to learn more!! I had no idea that this was gonna get so interesting!!

- I have had a thought. I wonder if Hera was the AI for the previous crew? If they deleted parts of her memory or something, that might explain why she was so buggy all the time? Who knows

- I want to listen more but I gotta sleep >:(

[clonerightsagenda]

Hey hi! I remember you’ve mentioned parent-child themes in Wolf before referencing Eiffel and Hera, can you say more about that? :0

Ok, let's stop talking about necromancy to talk about something even more terrifying... parenthood.

Anyway, yeah! That's the read on their relationship that makes the most sense to me. I'm basing that read on three elements:

Juxtaposition of Anne & Hera

Parallels to Cutter & Pryce

Complementary narratives (idk what to call this bullet point tbh)

Since I know Eiffel/Hera is a popular ship, let me preface this by saying that I'm not saying you shouldn't ship them or that shipping them is incorrect or wrong or whatever. This is a reading, one that I think makes sense and is well-supported by the text, but it's certainly not the only one.

Anyway, lengthy explanation + textual evidence under the cut bc I am putting off having to do this week’s meal planning:

Juxtaposition of Anne and Hera

The narrative draws a connection between Anne and Hera several times. The most obvious is in “Limbo”, where the A plot is Hera struggling with the effects of mental and physical trauma inflicted by Hilbert and Pryce (sort of her evil mom), and the B plot is Eiffel revealing his past where he inflicted mental and physical trauma on his daughter. In case the parallel isn't clear enough, he directly bridges the two plots near the end of the episode.

MINKOWSKI God. I don't know what to say.

EIFFEL Say Hera's gonna be okay.

In "Mayday", Eiffel hallucinates specific crewmates at specific moments. As brain ghost Hilbert notes, "If I am here, it is because some part of you thinks you have to confront [the mathematical reality]." To Eiffel’s subconscious, Hilbert represents cold hard facts in the same way that Minkowski represents crisis response and Lovelace represents a can-do attitude. Near the end of “Mayday”, when he realizes he’s doomed, he says "I guess I'm never going to talk to..." Although he doesn't finish that thought, given the person he tries to leave a message to in the finale, we can guess he's probably thinking about Anne. Who does he hallucinate immediately afterward? Hera.

Finally, in the finale, Minkowski overhears Eiffel making a recording for Anne, where he tells her "Don't let anybody tell you that you can't do something." Later in the same episode, when he's encouraging Hera against Pryce, he tells her, "You can do anything."

An aside: I've heard secondhand that Word of God is that Anne was four when Eiffel last saw her, which would be another point of comparison. However, I can't verify that, and it's not in the text. And no, I'm not saying Hera is the equivalent of a human four-year-old. (Hera's age and whether it even makes sense to assign her a human equivalent is its own post, but mostly I refer to Hera as four in the same way that I refer to myself as a girl - only when it's funny.) I'm an adult, and I still have parents. Our parent/child relationship simply looks different than it did when I was younger.

Parallels with Pryce and Cutter

Based on the way the writers discussed their planning process, most of the characters echo other members of the cast. Eiffel and Cutter - pop culture savvy, communications in their title, the only two to speak 'directly' to Bob - could be seen as one dark reflection, and of course Hera and Pryce reflect each other as well. I've already written about how the numerous Tempest references in the finale suggest a twisted father/daughter relationship for Cutter and Pryce (Prospero my behated), so if they've got an *evil* father/daughter thing going on, then it follows that their non-evil counterparts might have something similar.

Complementary narratives or whatever we’re calling this chunk

Both Eiffel and Hera enter the story with backstories involving parent/child trauma. Eiffel, of course, hurt his daughter when he selfishly and impulsively decided he was entitled to custody, regardless of her comfort or safety. Hera doesn't technically have parents, but her creator and closest equivalent to a ‘mother’ belittles AIs in general, treating them as machines rather than people, and stuck disabling code in Hera's head to keep her compliant.

The two of them are on outwardly friendly terms in season one, but both make comments (Eiffel in "The Sound and the Fury" and Hera in "Am I Alone Now?") suggesting they don’t necessarily respect each other. I imagine a lot of the initial draw was that they like socializing, and neither Hilbert nor season 1 Minkowski are particularly chatty. However, during/after the mutiny, Eiffel gets much more defensive of Hera, and he repeatedly circles back to the attack on her ‘brain’.

I'm not doing it if it means that he gets to stick his fingers in her brain and mess around with her mind again. ("Painfully Ever After")

You know, she's been a little twitchy ever since Hilbert tore her brains out. ("Limbo")

Well, you know how it is when your mechanical brain gets broken and you have to get it replaced with a new one made mostly out of electrical tape and paperclips. Oh, wait, no you don't. ("Happy To Be Of Assistance")

Given what we learn later, I think it's reasonable that he's reacting to the similarities between what happened to her and what happened to Anne. After the mutiny, they grow closer over the rest of the show and start to deal with some of the issues tied to their earlier bad relationships - Eiffel more actively giving a damn about the people around him, Hera bonding with people who treat her as an actual person. Imo, two characters with a past involving opposite ends of a damaged parent/child relationship striking up a *better* parent/child relationship that helps them heal and improve gels better with the narrative and character arcs presented than a budding romance.

Finally, I think this reading adds to the way Eiffel's story ends. In "Limbo" when he's recounting his daughter’s accident to Minkowski, he says bitterly, "I was fine. Of course I was fine. The driver's always fine." In the finale, right before he and Pryce get deleted, he tells her "We're driving off the cliff together". He ended up on the station in the first place because he selfishly hurt his daughter, and he exits the story (as himself, anyway) by choosing to selflessly prevent a daughter figure from being hurt more. (Giving her even more memory-based trauma in the process, but life's a bitch sometimes.) I still dislike endings that erase character development, but looking at it this way made the narrative logic click for me in a way it hadn't before.

In conclusion: Again, I’m not saying people have to read the relationship that way, but I think it fits really well with the text as presented and adds nuance to how the characters’ stories progress and resolve. Sometimes a podcast is also a bad dad competition. This is also more or less what Fullmetal Alchemist is about.

[gemsofthegalaxy]

Ship ask game: mineiffel, enjolrac

I have kissed you on the mouth already for sending these but undoubtedly I will do it again because we live together.I ship both of them.

Minffel 

1. What made you ship it?

I love telling the story of how, in the first episode of w359 I was like “ugh i bet they’re gonna get these two together, aren’t they? im gonna riot if they do” and then they didn’t get them together and I ended up shipping them anyway. i like the Dynamic

2.What are your favorite things about the ship?

Huhh that’s a good question. I would say, possibly, I really love Minkowski and I know Eiffel drives her crazy but I also think their dynamic is fun and he would lowkey simp for her. Their potential for banter is off the CHARTS which I adore. I really like them both and I think they’d be good together, yeah.

3.Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Tbh shipping it at all is an unpopular opinion LOL i feel like it comes across as unnecessarily heterosexual and Minkowski is married (tho we like never meet her husband really and I just.... don’t care....) but they radiate bi vibes together and I really like them so whatever.

Enjolrac

1. What made you ship it? 

To be quite honest, I don’t know?? I know the first ever fic I read for les mis was enjolrac, your Christmas au, but you admit that their personalities are very skewed in that to fit the AU so I wouldn’t say it’s that. I think it was writing their dynamic in my fic Jump and the ECCR, where I was like.... hey, Enjolras/Courfeyrac is a very good side of this dynamic. and then I tripped and fell in love with the two of them both in that polycule and alone.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship? 

hhhh where do I start? It’s the childhood friends to lovers for me, but It’s also the quirky character dynamics, at least how I write them. I have gotten many many compliments on my Enjolras but I am aware others don’t always write him as I do. Still, the way I write them they’re both a lil weird and funny, and they’ve been friends so long that they are on a certain wavelength and that is very appealing to me. It has the banter appeal, and the steve/bucky “even if we have nothing we have each other” vibe from the friendship and the closeness. 

ALSO I get the sense it’s underrated as hell even as a platonic ship. OKAY i admit I haven’t read that much les mis fic, but the ones i have read often seem to have Combeferre and Enjolras as best friends and Courfeyrac sort of there some of the time, and that just spurs me on harder because im like “T-T if yall don’t appreciate it, I will”. lol.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Again, ngl, I think shipping it at all is an unpopular opinion. I remember you and I browsed the Enjolrac tag on Ao3 and there was really crumbs for it, which is a sin. I see a lot of potential in their dynamic that I adore and I genuinely think they have lots of romantic potential in addition to their strong platonic bond.

Thank you for the asks~ these are so fun I love talking about my ships.

Ask me about a ship and I’ll tell you some things

[castintothepod]

Hello! Wolf 359 for the ask thing :D

Alright here goes🤘

My favorite female character: You expect me to choose?? When they're all just there being amazing?? Cuz idk if I can do that, but maybe Minkowski. My gut told me Minkowski

My favorite male: Jacobi. Yeah you guys thought this was gonna be about Cutter huh? Don't be fooled

Favourite season: 2?? Maybe?? All seasons are so good, but I feel a tiny attachment to this one

Favourite episode: The one Cutter gets introduced. Let's just roll with that. Or alternatively Every Episode

Favourite cast member: Idk all of them?? They did a formidable job and I love them for it

Favourite ship: Everyone x a giant dose of therapy and happiness

A character I'd die defending: I'm always ready to give my life for Hera

A character I just can't sympathise with: My instincts says K*pler, but to some small degree he is sympathiseable >:/ Now in reality it'd be Cutter, like what the hell man. What the hell were you onto you dickbag

A character I grew to love: Eiffel probably. He's a jerk in the beginning and then he gradually grows on you like a lovable leech. That's not to say I didn't like him at first tho

Anti otp: Hmm, now I concider myself rather ship neutral so there's no ship I hate with a passion or anything, so guess I'd say I don't have any? It's complicated