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13-reasons-ideas · 6 years ago

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Finding Peace in Another Part 4

The next few days went relatively well and without any notable incidents, just usual high school crap. Classes were still boring, people still gossiped. It was all the same shit, just a different day.

Tests were still given and teachers stressed the importance of maintaining your GPA for college or University. It was all the same shit, just a different day. I had only been at school for three days, but I quickly fell into the swing of how things work around here, which was jarringly different from my school back home, though I knew my school was a special case. Jocks are in charge, people like Tyler Down were at the bottom of the proverbial food chain. I tended to drift between the top and middle depending on who I was hanging out with at the time. I was still new and shiny to these people, they didn’t care that I hung out with jocks who were assholes to my other friends or the regular kids like Clay, Tony, and Alex. They probably thought I would decide where I wanted to sit in the chain eventually. I don’t really care. I’ll hang out with who I want when I want. Most of the gossip never made its way to me and if it did, I didn’t really care. Montgomery and I texted fairly regularly during the day. But the same could be said for Zach and I or any of my other friends, so it wasn’t that different. I didn’t think into it too much. Maybe there was a little harmless flirting, but we are teenagers. It’s to be expected. He probably is just enamoured with the new girl. Doesn’t mean anything serious by it. I though to myself.

A couple of days before my dad was due home however, something changed. I was in bed reading when I heard something hit my window. Assuming it was just an acorn or something falling, I ignored it going back to my book. Until it happened again. And then again. Getting up, I went to the window and looked down. Standing under my window, was Montgomery de la Cruz. He looked up with what appeared to be a bruise forming on his face, though I couldn’t be sure given the height I was looking down from and the darkness. I pointed for him to go to the front door and I would be there in a minute. Throwing on a sweater to cover my body, I ran down the stairs to greet him. I gasped when I opened the door. His right eye was bruised and there was a gash above his eyebrow that looked somewhat deep. His lip was split and bleeding, his knuckles cut open and caked in dry blood. Quickly ushering him inside, I brought him upstairs to my bathroom, where I kept an extra first aid kit and some rubbing alcohol. Sitting on the toilet he watched me closely as I gathered all the necessary things to patch him up. Finally speaking, I heard him whisper “I didn’t know where else to go.”

Eyeing him closely I wet a cloth to try and wipe up some of the blood that had trickled down his face. “It’s okay. Let’s just get you cleaned up?” I said, though it sounded more like a question, as I moved from his face to his knuckles. The cloth wasn’t doing much to remove the dry blood, so I motioned for him to stand at the sink. “I need you to stand and put your hand under the water, the cloth isn’t doing enough.” I explained while I rinsed his hand. I saw him wince and hiss at the water and I apologized. “I have to clean off the blood before I can do anything. Do you have any other injuries?” He shook his head. After the blood was cleaned off his hand, I took some cotton and put a bit of rubbing alcohol on his knuckles.

“Fuck that stings.” He said, as he pulled his hand away. I took it again.

“I know. I’m sorry. I need to disinfect it before I can assess the full damage and bandage it. It’s usually better if I don’t say anything, just go ahead and do it.” I said as I put some more alcohol on a cotton pad and gently cleaned his cut up knuckles. Nodding towards his face, I told him “I’ll clean that up more after I get your hand cleaned, bandaged and under some frozen peas.” I let out a small laugh as he tilted his head at me, clearly confused.

“Peas? As in the little green vegetables children hate?”

“Exactly.”

“Uh... why? Can’t you just use an ice pack or ice cubes?”

Shaking my head, I laughed again before explaining the method to my supposed madness as I bandaged his hand. “My Mom always used peas on my our injuries. More flexible than an ice pack and smaller than ice cubes so they get in all the nooks and crannies. Better coverage because the bag is more malleable than an ice pack or ice cubes. Plus snacks.” He nodded but seemed skeptical. “I’ll be right back. Stay here. I’m not done with you yet. And speaking of snacks, are you hungry? I can heat up some leftovers from dinner.” I could see he wanted to say yes but didn’t want to impose. “It’s not a problem. I’ll make you a plate and be right back with the peas.” I didn’t wait for a response as I ran downstairs. I got together a plate of the leftover pasta I had made, heating up a dish of sauce and setting a dish of cheese on the side unsure of his preferences for pasta and sauce. While the pasta and sauce heated up, I grabbed the peas and made my way back upstairs. He was right where I left him. “I hope pasta is okay. I heated some sauce up on the side because I wasn’t sure if you liked sauce, but if I didn’t heat it up then you would have liked it and then I would have-“

“You ramble when you’re nervous don’t you?” He asked cutting me off, though he smiled as he said it.

“Uh... I may have been told that once or twice, yeah.”

“Only once or twice huh?” He chuckled.

“Oh hush you.” I shushed him, holding back my laughter. Carefully placing the peas on his hand, I set to work getting his face taken care of. “Well there’s not much I can do about the bruising or your lip, but I can bandage that cut up. I need to clean it, and it’s going to sting more than your hand so I’m sorry. You can hold my hand if you want.” I held my hand out to him and smiled softly and I felt him grab it. Dipping a q-tip in some alcohol, I carefully cleaned around the cut to get any remaining blood off the edges. “Okay. This is probably going to hurt, so I’m sorry.” I told him before I carefully cleaned over the cut. He squeezed my hand as he sucked in a breath and swore under his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m almost done, just hang on one more second.” I talked him through the pain as I finished cleaning the wound. I waited a second for the alcohol to fully dry before I found a piece of gauze that was the right size and adhered it with some medical tape. As we finished, the microwave beeped and I stood him up, still holding his hand. Making a quick stop at my room for my book, I walked him back downstairs to have a bite to eat.

As we sat down, he asked me “aren’t you going to ask about it?”

I looked at him questioningly “ask about what?”

“Why I’m here in the middle of the night? Why my face is bruised and cut up? Or why I needed you to spend your night cleaning me up?” He asked, obviously unsure about his feelings and confused about my lack of questions.

I looked at him and cocked my head to the side. “Did you want me to ask about it? Because I can. I just don’t see a point in asking about it if you probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. What happened is your business. You can tell me if you want, and I will listen. Or you can not tell me, eat your pasta, and go to sleep. The choice is yours.” I told him, not unkindly. He nodded a little and ate his pasta in silence while I curled up on the chair and read my book, the bag of peas still on his hand. After he was done, I removed the bag and checked the swelling. “It seems to have gone down some. I can take it off now and then if you need it later, you can get the bag again.”

“Okay.”

“Did you want to sleep on the couch or with me? The guest room isn’t totally unpacked yet. And by that I mean the bed hasn’t been built and the mattress is old and lumpy and not worth sleeping on. But if you’re uncomfortable then you can totally sleep there. It’s fine.” He looked at me, surprised by my forwardness once again.

“Uh... are you really offering to share your bed with a guy you barely know?”

I nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Yes? I mean, the couch is nice. It’s comfortable for a nap, but I wouldn’t want to sleep on it through the night. As long as there’s no funky business going on, I don’t see an issue?” I said, using the term I had always heard Jake use for sex.

He thought for a second. “I’ll sleep with you, if you don’t mind. And I would like to be gone before Bryce leaves for school. He will ask questions I don’t want to answer otherwise.” He decided. I nodded in understanding.

“Alright. Just so you know, I sleep on the outside of the bed, so if you need to get up in the night, just wake me. I also sleep in the fetal position, so you’ll have lots of room.” I held my hand out for him to take again. He took it gratefully and I took him upstairs to my bed. As he stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers and crawled into bed, I made sure to set an extra alarm for him so he would be gone in time. I crawled into bed beside him and tried not to think about the last time I had a boy in my bed. Oh how I missed Bailey. Rolling onto my back, I heard Montgomery ask me a question.

“Rebecca? How did you know how to clean and bandage me up so easily?”

Sighing, I shrugged. “My friends back home tended to need patching up from time to time. I guess I just got used to it. It’s almost second nature now.”

“Hmmm.” I heard him acknowledge my answer. I thought he had fallen asleep when I heard him speak again. “Thank you for not prying tonight.”

“You’re welcome. Go to sleep now okay?”

“Mmmkay. G’night Becca.” He muttered, half asleep.

“Good night Monty.” I said into the darkness before falling asleep. When I woke up in the morning he was gone and his side of the bed was cold. There was a note on the pillow that read ‘thanks. See you at school.’

#monty imagine #monty x oc #montgomery de la cruz #montgomery de la cruz imagine #monty de la Cruz fanfic #Bryce Walker #zach dempsey #tw #scott reed #finding peace in another

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tabarnaks · 6 years ago

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Bravery’s Call

AU where Duck accepts his destiny at 18, except some of the ages (Aubrey’s) are weird because otherwise, it doesn’t work.

You can also read it on ao3 here.

As Tabitha drives him back home after their day at Mount Kepler, Duck knows he’s made his decision. It’s difficult for him to find the right words to tell her, but he has no other options available to him.

He has to refuse Minerva.

He can’t do it. He can’t risk his life like that. He can’t throw away every single one of his future opportunities, he can’t throw away all the potential french onion soup he’ll have in the future.

Duck decides not to tell Minerva the exact reason why. He feels stupid enough reiterating it in his thoughts, saying it out loud would be much worse.

About ten minutes before Minerva usually shows up, Tabitha pulls up in front of his house. Duck steels himself before opening the door to his girlfriend’s car. He makes sure he’s ready to tell Minerva a firm, unwavering “No”.

Finally, he starts to open his door, and Tabitha pulls him towards her. She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, before adding, “This was super fun, honey. We should do this again soon.”

Duck swallows through the rapidly forming lump in his throat and nods. He almost wants to mention the fact that he wasn’t even with her for most of the day, but opts not to, “Yeah, we should.”

He closes the car door behind him and starts heading through his driveway. He hears the car start speeding away before he’s even at his door. Duck sighs, and hopes he’ll be able to stop himself from overthinking it. Tabitha’s just in a hurry to get home. It’s nothing to think twice about.

It takes until he’s at the door, fishing through his pockets for his keys, before he realizes the driveway is empty. He feels anxiety start to bubble up in his stomach, his mother’s supposed to be home by now. Duck shakes his head in an attempt to clear it. His mother was supposed to pick Jane up from a friend’s house today. She’s just running late.

Everything has to be normal right now. Duck’s already telling a semi-ethereal woman that he can’t fight her war for her, and he doesn’t think he can handle anything else.

As soon as he enters his home, Duck loses any hope that this is a regular evening. There’s a pot of pasta cooking on the stove, the burner still on, boiling water overflowing and spilling out. Duck leaves his keys in the door, rushing to the stove to turn off the heat.

After he’s turned off the obvious fire hazard, Duck spots the hastily scrawled note left on the kitchen counter.

Animal attacked Jane Couldn’t get in touch Come to hospital

Duck’s heart drops. He doesn’t think even for a second before running outside, slamming his front door behind him, unaware of the keys still hanging from the lock.

He runs to the middle of the street, hoping that he might be able to still see Tabitha’s car, but of course, he’s not that lucky.

He considers his options for a second. He could always call one of the three cabs in Kepler and hope they’re close enough to bring him to the hospital in less time than it’ll take to walk there. Or, he could just book it.

There’s a weird energy coursing through him. There’s a part of it that’s adrenaline for sure, but also something else, something a lot more foreign. That energy makes him sure that he’ll be able to reach the hospital or at least Tabitha’s car which should be heading in the same direction.

A weird energy courses through him. Part of it is adrenaline and anxiety and fear for his sister’s life, but there’s also something else, something a lot more foreign and alien.

It’s that foreign feeling that makes him sure he’ll be able to reach the hospital, or at least Tabitha’s car, before a cab even arrives.

Duck decides to run for it. It feels like the fastest option, even if the energy wears off after two or three street corners.

Also, if Duck had stayed still for a second longer, he would’ve had the worst anxiety attack of his life, right in the middle of the road.

So Duck runs as fast as his legs will take him. Which, turns out, is pretty fast. The streets fly by, pure instinct guiding him through the streets of Kepler. Though he knows he should be feeling something by now, shortness of breath, cramps, whatever, there’s nothing. It feels like little more than a casual jog.

Duck almost trips in surprise when he spots Tabitha’s familiar red car at a stoplight. He slows down, knocking on the passenger side window. She jumps and a look of shock spreads across her face. Tabitha stays frozen for a second before finally leaning across the passenger seat to unlock the door.

As the door before him opens before him, familiar music starts playing, immediately followed by the voice he’s dreaded almost all day, “Duck Newton! I see you have started utilizing your abilities! How exciting!”

Duck grits his teeth and doesn’t think before turning back to Minerva, “Not now.”

He sits in the car and slams the door in the ghostly figure’s face. He shoots a look at Tabitha, whose face has shifted from flabbergasted to worried.

“Sorry,” Duck says quickly, “My little sister’s been hurt. You need to drive me to the hospital.”

Ned wonders how he managed to get himself stuck in this situation.

Housed by an old, dying woman after having broken into her home with the intent to rob her blind. His name written on her will, giving him her museum of oddities.

He does have to admit it is a comfortable situation, despite how boring it often is. As long as he knows how to convincingly peddle his bullshit, he’ll always have a roof over his head and warm meals.

Still, it’s never as simple as that. Especially right now. Especially with the way the walls of Victoria’s home seem to close in around him a little more with every minute he pushes back checking on her.

Victoria had told him last night she didn’t think she’d make it to sunrise. She’d been saying stuff like that with increasing frequency the past few weeks. This time, Ned had really believed her.

The total lack of movement, not even the sound of struggling breaths, makes Ned more and more sure of her passing as the minutes pass.

Ned’s never dreaded anything more than entering Victoria’s room right now. Even if it’s only to confirm what he already knows, it feels like an insurmountable task.

The handle to her door feels colder than it should be, a lingering effect of Death passing through. He hesitates before turning the handle and opening the door, but it has to be done.

He finally rips off the band-aid and swings the door open much faster than he means to.

Her room isn’t as dark as Ned expects it to be. Apparently, she had managed to open the curtains some time last night. The late morning sun shines through the window, illuminating every last nook and cranny.

She looks like she’s sleeping. Her eyes are closed, and her arms are draped across her stomach. She looks about as peaceful as she has ever been, at least around Ned.

He knows it’s pointless, but he tries to call out anyway, “Victoria?” he says, surprised by the shakiness of his own voice.

Predictably, there’s no reaction.

Ned sighs, passing a hand through his too long hair, and leaves the room heading the landline.

He dials the doctor’s phone number and is assured someone will pass by in the next few hours.

So Ned waits. He shuts Victoria’s door, leaving her as is. He closes the Cryptonomica for the day. It’s pointless to leave it open when he can’t put on a convincing show for the potential visitors. Instead, Ned busies himself by tidying up Victoria’s office, and finally sorting through her paperwork.

This is his place now after all. He needs to know about all the finance stuff.

The men from the local coroner’s office finally come, and Victoria leaves with them.

Before leaving, one of the two men comes to talk to him, “You’re Ned right?”

Ned nods, trying to not let his nerves get the best of him, “Yes, that would be me.”

“I’m Gregor, I’m so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to make sure you noticed the note she left on her bedside table. It’s probably for you unless she knows another Ned.”

Ned smiles, but it feels tacky on his face, “Oh, yeah, that would be for me. Thank you for the info, Gregor.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Gregor pauses, looking at his clipboard, “Are you the one who’s going to be taking care of the funeral arrangements?”

Oh, yeah. Victoria needs a funeral. That’s another thing Ned needs to worry about.

“Yes, I suppose so. I’ll contact you as soon as I can.”

The mortician nods and heads towards the door, “Alright then, I’ll hear from you soon.”

The door shuts, and for the first time in months, Ned is alone.

He watches the van drive away, a lump caught in his throat. Once it’s out of sight, he heads upstairs to Victoria’s empty room. The coroner was right. There is a note left for him on her bedside table.

Big, and very obvious. Ned has no idea how he missed it.

Ned picks it up, admiring Victoria’s neat handwriting. Ned would guess she wrote this a few weeks ago, or, at the very least, not yesterday. She’s been shaking a lot lately, and she would’ve been too weak to spend so much energy on making her handwriting so neat.

Ned opens it and sits on her bed to read it.

Ned Chicane. I’ve already told you that I’m giving you the Cryptonomica. I know that you’re going to change some things about it. Even more than you’ve already changed that is. I understand. A man with so much life ahead of him like you needs to worry about money much more than a dying old woman. Still, I just want to ask you one thing. No matter how much you change to this place, make sure it always does one thing.

Ned, please make sure to keep Kepler as curious as you can.

Duck is in the middle of an unfamiliar clearing in the forest. The moon shines above, its light filling the opening of an odd stone gate a few feet from Duck. the wind blows, rustling the leaves and chilling Duck to the bone.

A monstrous, guttural growl snaps him out of his reverie and sends Duck running away from it on pure instinct. Some kind of fiery projectile comes toward him and he ducks to avoid it. It hits the thing behind him, if Duck judges by the ensuing screech and sound of glass breaking.

Duck looks in the direction the fire came from and sees a young girl, one or two years older than Jane, staring at her own hand in wonder.

The girl opens her mouth, but as she starts to speak, her words get drowned out. The ambient noises of the forest fade with her, replaced with his little sister, growing more and more frustrated, “Duck. Duck. Duck!”

Duck’s eyes snap open, looking around at his surroundings. Bright neon lights, blue curtains, lots of machinery, he’s in the hospital room. And, more importantly, Jane is finally awake and trying to get his attention.

Duck shifts in the chair he’d fallen asleep in, getting back into a comfortable position, “Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Jane looks around the room and sits up slowly, flinching and clutching at her stomach despite her caution, “Bad. Where’s Mom?”

“She had to talk to people, insurance or something. She should be back soon.”

Jane nods, “Duck, I have somethin’ I need to tell you. But you have to promise to believe me, okay?”

Duck frowns puzzled, “What is it?”

She locks eyes with him, and Duck sees a look he’s never seen on his sister’s face before, “You gotta promise first.”

Duck doesn’t hesitate, “I promise, whatever you say, I believe you.”

Jane looks away and takes a deep breath, “I lied to mom. It wasn’t an animal, it was some kind of freak monster that attacked me.”

Duck’s heart drops straight into his stomach. Fear and apprehension lock his muscles in place. He opens his mouth to ask a question, but nothing comes out of his mouth.

Jane doesn’t notice his silence, and continues talking, “It was huge. At least twice as big as you or mom, and it looked like it was made of this weird slimy purple crystal. It had huge claws and even bigger teeth that smelled just awful, and I don’t know if it had eyes there was too much crystal. But it probably did because it seemed to be able to tell exactly where I was running and everything.”

The door to the room opens behind him, and though he’s sure Jane has more to tell him, she shuts her mouth.

“Oh, Jane,” his mother says from behind him, “You’re awake, I hope you’re not feeling too bad. Is it okay if the doctor checks on you now?”

His sister considers for a second before nodding, “Yeah, sure.”

Duck hears some rustling, and then his mother’s handing him a five dollar bill, “Hey-” she hesitates on the name, of course she does, “Honey, do you mind getting yourself something to eat? The doctor needs some privacy to check on Jane.”

Duck nods and takes the money, it’s almost time for lunch anyway.

His sister’s confession sits heavy on his conscience. He knows his sister wasn’t lying. He also knows that the thing that attacked her is one of the creatures Minerva says he’s destined to fight.

The same creatures he’d decided it was impossible for him to fight. The same creatures he’d decided were too dangerous to fight. The same creatures he’d realized would be the end of him.

One of those creatures had attacked his sister.

It feels like a slap in the face. Or some kind of fucked up wake up call.

If he doesn’t do anything, if he rejects Minerva like he’d planned to do just hours earlier, the monsters would hurt more people. If he doesn’t do anything, the monsters are sure to kill someone sooner or later.

Duck is suddenly aware of how selfish his initial decision was. He knew it was selfish, he’s not that dumb, but it didn’t feel real.

Now, with his sister in a hospital bed, he has no idea how he could live with himself if he does nothing to try and stop the creatures.

God, he feels so guilty.

Duck lets his head slowly fall towards the table he’s sitting at, exhaustion and guilt taking their toll on him.

“Minerva,” Duck whispers, hoping the few others in the cafeteria can’t hear him, “I don’t know how this all works. I don’t know if you can hear me right now, or what. But I’ll do it. I’ll be your chosen one.”

Aubrey spends way too long looking at herself in the mirror, trying to see what she can do to make herself look older. The owner of the hotel had seemed skeptical on the phone, but Aubrey had assured her that she just sounded young. She really doesn’t want to get kicked out before performing for silly reasons like being too young. She’s an entrepreneur after all.

Aubrey finally gives up, realizing that nothing she’s doing it actually helping much. She puts on her usual costume, a traditional magician’s outfit she’d modified with cool flame motifs. Then, she grabs her coat and her suitcase full of gear, heading for the door.

She’s ready to open the door before she realizes she’s forgotten her greatest ally. Aubrey drops her things, and runs to her room, almost tripping on some of the miscellaneous boxes still littering the corridor. Dr. Harris Bonkers Ph.D. is in his enclosure, as expected. She picks him up and puts him in his travel bag, before heading back to the front door.

Once she’s sure she has everything she needs, Aubrey writes a note for her dad. Just in case he comes back before she’s finished her show. Once she’s placed it somewhere so obvious he couldn’t possibly miss it, she leaves their new apartment.

Somehow, she manages not to get lost while travelling through the streets of Kepler. Soon enough, she’s in front of the large entrance leading into Amnesty Lodge, anxiety building up at the thought of the first show in her new town.

Aubrey opens the door and walks into the warm lobby. It’s much emptier than the previous places she’s performed at, but there are a few people here and there.

She heads towards the desk, trying not to let her nervousness show. This is going to be her first show in Kepler after all. And her first show since…

Aubrey shakes her head to get rid of the thought. It’s definitely bad luck to think about that right before a show. She’s practiced a lot. She’s going to be okay.

Once in front of the reception desk, Aubrey drops her suitcase and gently puts down Dr. Harris Bonkers Ph.D. She stands up a straighter, hoping to seem at least a little taller than she is.

Seeing her walk up, the tall bearded man smiles behind the desk smiles down at her, “Welcome to Amnesty Lodge, I’m Barclay. How can I help you today?”

Aubrey gives Barclay her sweetest smile, and places her hands on the counter in a way she hopes looks professional, “Hi! I’m Aubrey, I’m here for the magic show.”

Barclay frowns, “I didn’t know we’d advertised that.” he mumbles, more to himself than to Aubrey, “Well, the performer hasn’t arrived yet. Just take a seat anywhere and she should get here soon.”

“No, no, no. You don’t understand. I am The Lady Flame. I’m here to perform.” The look on Barclay’s face stays doubtful, so Aubrey quickly opens her jacket to let him see her costume and gestures to it, “See?”

The man stays doubtful for a few more seconds before carefully switching to a more neutral face, “All right then. Let me just go get Mama, she didn’t tell me where she was planning for you to set up.” he says before walking to a back room, leaving Aubrey alone in the lobby.

She manages to wait for at least a few minutes before getting bored and lifting Dr. Harris Bonkers’ travel bag onto the counter to look at him. He looks the same way he usually does, but Aubrey can tell that he’s just as nervous as she is.

She leans in close, poking a finger through the net to pet him, “It’s gonna okay, Doctor. Everything’s gonna be okay.” she whispers to him.

After like an hour, Barclay comes back with a woman as tall as he is. “So you’re The Lady Flame, huh?” she says, moving around the counter towards Aubrey, “Can I have an actual name?”

“Um,” Aubrey hesitates, trying to come up with a fake name, but she comes up empty, “I’m Aubrey.”

The woman raises an eyebrow, “Aubrey what?”

“Aubrey Biggle.” It takes Aubrey real effort to not start laughing at her own answer. Aside from a tiny sideways smile she can’t quite conceal, she thinks she manages it pretty well.

The woman nods, “Well, I’m Mama. Follow me, I’ll show you to the spot I prepared for you.”

The woman, Mama, leads her to a spot near the fireplace where a big table, has been set up.

Aubrey is quick to get everything set up. She places all the necessary things on the table, and then releases Dr. Harris Bonkers on the table with a treat to keep him well behaved.

Once everything’s finally ready, Aubrey takes a deep breath and looks around the room. It’s not packed or anything, but there are a few people here and there. Her eyes soon shift over to Mama, who’s leaning against a wall near a door talking to someone Aubrey can’t see. Mama catches her looking and she smiles and gives her a quick thumbs up.

With such an obvious sign that it’s okay to go, Aubrey starts her show immediately.

The first few tricks go pretty well. Though when she asks for volunteers, she’s disappointed there’s no kids or even people her age.

Luckily for her, a blond guy, like twenty-five or something, wearing a cool bright pink and blue coat, volunteers for her card tricks.

Though she’s skeptical at first, since adults usually aren’t as much fun to do tricks with, she quickly warms up to him.

Finally, she gets to her first fire trick. The fire isn’t integral to it or anything, it’s just a bit of flash paper used to distract the audience, but she feels excited regardless.

The feeling builds up until she feels like she’s almost vibrating in place while doing her trick. It’s not nervousness. She would know, she’s been nervous the entire show. It feels like there’s a weird heat emanating from her heart, spreading through her, all the way to her fingertips.

Instinctively, she knows to keep it inside, to not let it flow completely out of her. But as she’s about to finally pull out the flash paper, she realizes no one’s looking at her.

In the back, Mama and Barclay are talking in hushed voices, Barclay holding car keys in his hand. That’s not a problem, Aubrey’s fine with not having all the attention on her, but everyone else is looking at them too. Even the blond guy in the cool jacket, who’d been her volunteer and had seemed to be really into it, is looking away.

Though Aubrey’s only distracted by the lack of attention on her for a second, it’s long enough for something to snap.

Suddenly, the flash paper has ignited in Aubrey’s hands and has caused a much bigger flame than it’s supposed to.

A flame that is becoming bigger and bigger faster than anything Aubrey’s ever seen. A flame Aubrey has no idea what to do about.

The fire has been enough to get attention back on Aubrey, though she really wishes it hadn’t.

There’s a second where the room is still and silent, only leaving the fire slowly spreading more and more.

Then everything starts moving very, very fast.

Aubrey grabs Dr. Harris Bonkers from the table, place him in his travel bag which she slides away to safety. Then, she grabs the extinguisher she’d left underneath the table.

As she’s doing that, she hears Mama say, “You go to Victoria’s place. I’ll take care of this.” Followed by a flurry of footsteps, many of them heading toward her.

Aubrey fumbles with the fire extinguisher for a bit, unsure of how it actually works. Before long, it’s grabbed out of hands by a much more confident Mama who turns it on easily.

The fire is put out as quickly as it had started. Aubrey’s already trying to stumble through apologies, but Mama doesn’t let her get a word it. She grabs Aubrey’s arm and drags her out of the main room to some nearby office.

“Okay, now you’re not in any trouble, but you are going to have to come clean about why you weren’t following the rules.” Mama says in a stern voice

“Rules? No, you told me fire elements were okay. It was just some faulty flash paper.” Aubrey pauses before adding, “Look, I am really super sorry, I can pay for any damage and all that-”

The older woman interrupts Aubrey, “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the rules relating to Sylvain.“

"Sylvain? Is that a place in town or something? Sorry, we moved from out of state a week ago so I don’t know much about Kepler.”

“Come on now, don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talkin’ about. You know humans can’t do magic.”

“No, no no,” Aubrey laughs nervously, “It’s not, like, actual magic. They’re just tricks.” Aubrey pulls her hand out of Mama’s now loose grasp and pulls at her sleeve, “See? I have flash paper in my sleeves and that one was just a bad one.”

Mama considers her for a second, frown still etched across her features. Finally, she sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, “Oh man, you really are human, aren’t you?”

Ned decides not to take the rest of the day off, even though he knows he should

He concentrates on two things: planning the funeral and getting the legal rights to the Cryptonomica.

The first thing is pretty easy. He finds Victoria’s old phone book and calls a few people. Just enough to get the ball rolling and to make sure everything will be done in a timely fashion.

The second is a little more complicated. Sure, he’s gone by Ned Chicane for a few years by now, and he has the appropriate IDs to go with the name, but Ned Chicane is hardly a real person. Definitely not real enough to own and run a business in any case. So he makes a few other calls, this time not using the phone book.

By the time he finishes all his phone calls, he’s completely skipped lunch and it’s already well into dinnertime.

He’s halfway through cooking his dinner when a loud noise outside grabs his attention.

Shivers gather up his spine as he carefully heads towards the backdoor to check it out. He sees his car, undamaged, thank God, with a tall man he’s never seen before leaning against it, pushing it sideways towards the Cryptonomica.

Immediately, Ned opens the door and shouts, “Hey! What are you doing with my car?”

The man stares at him for a second before screaming back, “Go back inside, it isn’t safe out here!” As he shouts, the man motions toward the Cryptonomica.

Ned’s about to retort, tell him to stop messing with his car, but as he turns his head toward where the man is motioning, he honest to God feels his heart skip a beat.

A creature stands there, definitely not human, but definitely not one of the cryptids the Cryptonomica presents either. It’s huge for one, and it’s covered in odd translucent spikes, like the worst porcupine imaginable. Its mouth, which is hard to miss thanks to all its grotesque teeth, is open, letting a disgusting slime-like substance leak out. But, the worst has to be its claws. Though they’re not particularly disproportionate considering the size of the monster, they’re clawing at the walls of the Cryptonomica, definitely damaging it

The stranger continues to motion for Ned to go inside while he’s trying to find words to say. He can’t make any sense of what he’s seeing in front of him. This stuff isn’t supposed to be real, but it is. Except it can’t possibly be.

Finally, a few words come to him that leak out of his mouth without a thought, “Okay, what the fuck is going on?”

#the adventure zone #the adventure zone amnesty #duck newton #aubrey little #ned chicane #taz mama #taz barclay #taz amnesty #taz #a moi #long post

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thisiswhymomworries · 6 years ago

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What foods do you usually eat then? Lately everything's just been pretty much disgusting for me too and I'm at a loss

bread

ham and cheese sandwich + potato chips

peanut butter and jelly sandwich

eggos + peanut butter and maple syrup

eggos are super easy lil bitches to pop in your toaster and then slap some peanut butter on

cinnamon toast + maple brown sugar oatmeal

try mixing grown flax seeds into the oatmeal. it doesn’t taste super great, but the brown sugar and cinnamon pretty much mask it and flax seeds have protein, fiber, and omega 3

blueberry / lemon poppy seed muffins

if you don’t have the spoons to Make muffins, get a box of muffin mix designed to be made in a mug! you can find them in the breakfast aisle, and you just add milk or water and microwave for a minute, and they taste great~

pizza (alfredo sauce; I hate marinara)

you can also add garlic powder and shredded cheese to the crust mix for extra goodness!

wheat rolls

you can buy pre-cooked rolls in the frozen section that just need to be heated up in the oven

protip: rub some olive oil on your pan / baking sheet, salt it lightly, sprinkle different cheeses, and THEN press your rolls onto all that goodness. it will bake onto the bottom of the roll and taste great!

pasta

I buy Knorr pasta sides, usually in the boxed meals aisle but they come in bags and lots of different flavors

I like bland stuff, so I buy: spinach and kale, herb and butter, alfredo sauce, broccoli and alfredo but they have lots of flavorful stuff too

macaroni and cheese

my mom made me a really great recipe for homemade mac’n’cheese if you want it

but Kraft is super easy and tastes great too

secret ingredient!! boil your noodles in half water, half chicken broth or get some broth concentrate and add a few teaspoons of that to add flavor and a tiny bit of protein!

gnocci is really good if you need something kind of different

they’re made from potatoes but taste and feel like noodles after being cooked

you can cook them in whatever sauce you want or buy boxed meals with sauce already included; I buy Italia four cheese gnocci

ramen

I just buy regular chicken flavor in those orange packs you can get for .50 but there’s lots of flavors usually available

you can also look up a ton of recommendations on how to add more good stuff like spices and vegetables but I am BORING so here are my fave picks:

oil / butter - add a drizzle of olive oil and/or a pat of butter at the very start when you put your noodles in; this is solely to add calories bc since I struggle to eat anything at all, I rarely hit 2000 a day and bodies need that

an egg - add about halfway through; you can crack it directly in there and let it bake on top of the ramen, but I prefer whisking it up in a cup and then pouring it in while stirring to get a scrambled egg effect; adds protein!!

parmesan cheese - don’t add until you’ve scooped out what you want into a bowl bc if you try to cook it with your noodles it will goop up in your pot; sprinkle some shredded or dusted parmesan on top of the ramen in your bowl, it tastes great with the egg

ravioli

I get Buitoni cheese ravioli with the matching alfredo sauce, but they also have pesto and marinara sauce

you can get meat-filled ravioli too, and ravioli made with spinach and kale baked into the noodles / cheese filling for some extra nutrition

goes great with wheat rolls!

soups!

I’ve started buying canned soups to start with and then just adding whatever I want to them

things to add to soups: potatoes, carrots, broccoli, celery, corn, peas, chicken broth, you can buy shredded meat like chicken or roast beef if you’re into that, vegetable stock / bullion

I also have a quick and easy homemade chicken noodle soup recipe

boil egg noodles in chicken broth plus herbs (rosemary, thyme, celery flakes), then add cut up carrots and potatoes, (plus any other meat or vegetables you want) and boil until everything is tender

goes great with cornbread muffins!

I found little “snack packs” of carrots that had exactly the right amount of carrots for one pot of soup, and there were four packs. so that might be easier than buying an entire bag of carrots that you’ll only use ¼ of

and a good recipe for potato and broccoli soup

don’t have it on me rn so message me if you want it and I’ll find it

it has potatoes, broccoli, sharp cheddar cheese, and a creamy sauce; also great with cornbread

if you want minimal cooking, heating up a can of campbell’s chicken noodle soup is fine!

I make a grilled cheese sandwich to go with it

protein

anything with peanut butter

I like Munchies peanut butter crackers bc they taste the Best

lots of stuff with cheese

protein shakes!

I buy Bolton’s Farmhouse bc they also make good strawberry banana fruit smoothies and their protein shake tastes like chocolate milk

Cliff granola bars

very expensive, but I like peanut butter banana, chocolate chip, and peanut butter flavors; super easy to eat when you don’t have the spoons to make anything

yogurt

greek yogurt has the most protein if you can suffer through it like I do. oreo crunch isn’t bad and salted caramel is OK. whipped yogurt tastes the best but it doesn’t have as much protein

smoothies

you can buy a bag of mixed berries in the frozen section, then add plain yogurt, orange juice / pomegranate juice (fucking expensive), kale or spinach leaves (you really don’t taste them) Body by Vi (also expensive!), and blend it up

if you don’t have the spoons for that, you can buy smoothie drinks like I mentioned above with the protein drinks. I mix in some Vi stuff with that since it has a lot of vitamins and extra protein. I like the cream cheese flavor bc it’s sweet

roast beef and mashed potatoes

obviously cooking a roast takes a lot of time, so I just buy a package of precooked roast beef next to the tubs of premade mashed potatoes. you can heat up both in the microwave in about 5 min each, and it goes great with wheat rolls

I hope this helps and message me again if you want recipes for anything!

#food #protein #recipe #recipes #ask #anon #answered

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thesolidolivinephenomenon · 6 years ago

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Easy Dinners for College Students (or busy/ low-energy people) that aren’t mac and cheese

These are more aimed for people in apartments, who have access to a stove top/ oven/ toaster/ toaster oven

Stir Fry- ingredients: frozen veggies, ramen noodles, oil, & teriyaki sauce. Dump 1/2 bag of frozen veggies (some grocery stores have “stir fry” or “hong kong” veggie mixes that work well. carrots and peas work too) into a frying pan with a cover on medium-high heat. let them defrost that way and once they’re soft pour in a bit of oil and cook them in that for a few minutes. boil the ramen noodles in a separate pot, drain them, and then add them and the sauce to the veggies. makes 1-2 servings.

Fish and Chips- ingredients: frozen breaded fish, frozen french fries (or tater tots), and tartar sauce. optional: lemon juice, if you wanna be/ feel fancy. follow the directions on the packages to cook the fish and fries. put them on the same plate, and cover in tartar sauce. This is what I make when I’m not feeling like cooking, but want something besides cup noodles and canned soup. I usually do a 1/3-1/2 of a bag of french fries and like 2-3 breaded fish for a single serving, because I fricken love fish and chips. You can totally still do less and feel full (especially if you paired it with an apple or steamed veggies or something)

Avocado Toast- listen, avocados get hate but they’re tasty and filling. ingredients: two slices of bread (soon to become toast), 1 avocado, lemon juice (to keep the avocado green & for taste), and ~spices~ (I like garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, and paprika. you can use more, esp. chili powder. I’m just boring). Toast the bread. Cut the avocado in half around the pit. Scoop out half and smush it onto a slice of toast with a fork. add spices/ lemon juice and smush them around with the fork to distribute them evenly. repeat for 2nd slice of toast. 2 servings. (I eat them at once, because I’m terrible at storing open avocados, if you aren’t-- BOOM! dinner and breakfast.)

Spaghetti and Meatballs- ingredients: angel hair pasta, salt, tomato sauce, and frozen meatballs. cook frozen meatballs in the oven/ microwave as per the directions. boil water (with some salt in it) and cook the angel hair. angel hair is really thin pasta, so it’ll cook in ~4 minutes. spaghetti or fettuccine (my fav.) will take more like ~7-12 minutes, depending on the thickness/ your stove. drain pasta. put the pasta back in the pot you boiled it in. add sauce (~1/3 cup?) and meatballs (~4). Boom! easy sunday dinner. If you don’t like tomato sauce you can substitute it with alfredo, pesto, pumpkin sauce (or even pumpkin puree, but you’d need to water it down with water or broth), vodka sauce, or even terriyaki/stir fry/ some other sauce from asian cuisine. 1-2 servings.

Teriyaki Salmon- ingredients: mushrooms, red bell pepper, and salmon. This one involves more prep than others, but there’s not too much actual cooking. slice the bell pepper and as many mushrooms as you want (I usually use ~6), and throw them in a pan. put salmon on top of the veggies (I just use a piece of frozen salmon). Put in a 350 F degree oven, and cook for ~20-25 minutes. 1-2 servings.

Loaded Mashed Potatoes- mashed potatoes (I like the microwave kind. the box kind work too), 3 chicken strips (either frozen or from your local grocery store or pizza place), and veggies of your choice. Microwave/ make the mashed potatoes. Cook the chicken strips or nuggets (if you’re using frozen ones). Slice or dice (your preference) the strips/ nuggets. Microwave any veggies you want to use. Corn, peas, and carrots work well for this. Mix everything into the mashed potatoes. It might sound gross, but honestly it’s a really good comfort food type meal. 1-3 servings.

Tortellini Soup- ingredients: tortellini, 32 oz of chicken (or veggie) broth, baby spinach, frozen meatballs. Follow package direction for the meatballs. Bring the chicken broth (can be made from bullions!) to a boil. Cook the tortellini in the broth. Once the tortellini are cooked, add the cooked meatballs and spinach. Let the spinach wilt a little, and then serve. Herbs and salt can help the soup a lot, so if you have those definitely add some salt, basil, and maybe parsley or chives or oregano. like, 4 servings? It’s been a while since I made this (lactose intolerance, yay!), but I feel like it made so much. You might need to top it off with more broth, when reheating it, though. The tortellini tends to absorb it in the fridge.

Bonus- pancakes. the cooking and clean up is kind of tedious, but get yourself a box mix that just needs water. mix them together (maybe spice them up with cinnamon, or blueberries, or chocolate, or deli ham. listen, i don’t know you. add whatever the hell you want. spinach and protein powder? sure, why not. #healthcakes! nutella centers? hell yeah. #nutsaboutthatidea). cook them in some butter/ oil/ cooking spray. Don’t worry too much about the shape, just try to cook them all the way through. Add some syrup and bada-bing bada-boom. fucking pancakes for dinner.

So these recipes might not work for everyone, but they’re the ones I’ve been going back to since I started cooking for myself. I hope someone gets something from this post, and thanks for reading. Happy cooking and, more importantly, eating!

#recipies #food #college food #college recipies #low energy recipies #dinner

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smallhandwriting · 7 years ago

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Guess who’s starting a new series! I’m a college student, and since I’m studying abroad I don’t currently have a regular income, and so I’ve gotten really good at making a variety of meals for cheap, and I wanted to share what I’ve learned with the world. While this one is not tailored to dorms if anyone wants me to make a post about dorm eating let me know!

For my first post, I’m going to be talking about a staple food in any cheap meal: Pasta. Pasta is cheap, accessible, filling, versatile, delicious, and easy to cook (especially in Italy, where I am currently). But, it can be really easy to tire yourself out with pasta; we’re 24 days into our 107 stay and my roommate is already tired of pesto and buttered noodles. So here are a few ways I’ve found to make multiple pasta dishes with very few ingredients for very little money without getting bored of them.

Pesto Buying at least one staple sauce is so important; I personally recommend pesto (I bought a 99 cent jar my first week here and it’s been so useful), but other sauces will also work for some of these if you don’t like pesto. So here are some ways to use pesto with your pasta: – Use as usual; put enough that it coats all of your pasta and dig into your pesto-y goodness – Put some in the water before it boils, and then cook your pasta in it. It cooks the taste into your pasta, but it’s really subtle. It’s one of my favorite things to do. – Coat your pasta with butter or olive oil and then add just a small amount of pesto. It’s like seasoning it without actually having to pick out the seasonings – Cook your mixins in it. Meat, vegetables, tofu, anything you want to add to your pasta. It’s like the seasoning tip again but a little less intense on the pasta itself.

Broth I personally prefer using bouillon cubes or the broth gels you can find now since they store for longer, take up less space, and are more versatile than other options, but it’s up to you. Here are a few ways I use broth: – Soup! Throw some vegetables, pasta, and seasoning into any type of broth, and boom! Delicious soup perfect for a cold rainy day. You can use whatever you want but I’m a big fan of peas or corn and small pasta like stelle or orzo. If you make a large batch of it on Sunday night you have can have it multiple times throughout the week or freeze it to have months later! – Just like with the pesto, cook your pasta in broth. It can add some protein and flavor without the texture of a sauce or the expense of buying meat. I literally just did this for dinner tonight. – Put just the smallest amount on your pasta after it’s cooked. Not enough to make it soup, but just to add the flavor. I also recommend doing this to vegetables.

Vegetables Add some vegetables to your pasta! Any vegetable! Frozen or fresh does not matter but just add some vegetables to your pasta (whether it be soup or spaghetti or alfredo or whatever pasta you happen to be eating).

Spices Use. Spices. In. Your. Food. Stop being so afraid of spices. I’ve fallen in love with butter and sage on pasta while here in Florence, and I’ve been putting tons of oregano in my food since I started cooking. Have an arsenal of a few key spices (think sage, oregano, basil, parsley, dill, paprika, chili flakes, curry powder, etc) and you can have the same base meal for days without getting bored.

Eggs This is something I think I took from a Buzzfeed post but you can make a really good carbonara-esque sauce with some eggs and parmesan and it’s so unbelievably good. They had specific measurements but tend to just crack an egg or two and spoon in however much parmesan I want that day into my pasta and call it good. The trick is to mix in the eggs and cheese while the pasta is still hot but after you’ve taken it off the heat. If you put it in while it’s still on the stove you will end up with scrambled eggs and that’s not what we’re going for.

I hope you find this post useful, and definitely let me know what other food posts for college students you want to see from me!

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easyfoodnetwork · 4 years ago

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Eater Staffers Pick Their Favorite Instant Pot Recipes

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Lost the energy to cook? Look to the Instant Pot

Now that we are over the sourdough-and-regrowing-scallions part of the pandemic, but in no way over the actual pandemic, we must prepare for The Hunkering. Every winter is a time for stews, roasts, and hearty pasta bakes, but this winter it feels extra important, both because most of us are going to be indoors way more than any previous season, and have completely lost the energy to do anything but throw a bunch of stuff in a pot. Which obviously means it’s time to break out the Instant Pots.

A few years ago it seemed like electric multicookers, especially the Instant Pot, may have just been a fad. But the fact that in one appliance you can cook anything from soup to pudding to bread makes it pretty ideal for cooking during quarantine fatigue. Eater’s staffers rounded up our favorite go-to Instant Pot recipes, perfect for the many nights when you’re in the mood for something delicious, but you know, wanting to do as little as possible to make it happen. And as Eater Dallas and Eater Houston editor Amy McCarthy noted, you could always go with “just some fucking chicken breasts,” and let the machine do the rest.

Beef barley soup: This is the first that comes to mind. It’s basically a textbook version of this classic soup, and perfect for chilly weather. It’s low-lift, reasonably quick to put together, and freezes well. — Missy Frederick, cities director

Dakbokkeumtang: I make this recipe when I’m craving a savory chicken dish with the volume turned up. All that delicious flavor comes from the sauce. It’s a perfect balance of sweet and spicy from gochujang and sugar. Doenjang and oyster sauce adds another layer of depth. Typically to make this Korean comfort dish, you would need to watch over the pot, making sure that the chicken pieces are soaking up the sauce. But everything is done in the Instant Pot, so the result is fall-off-the-bone, tender chicken with potatoes that just break apart with no effort at all. Also, who doesn’t love a dump-everything-and-press-the-button recipe?! — James Park, social media manager

Mac and cheese: I make this one once a week when I’m lazy and cooking sounds hard. I use whatever cheese is in the fridge, add a little brown mustard to the mix, and usually skip the milk or add it at the very end. Would suggest you grate the mozzarella or it becomes a blob. — Brenna Houck, editor at Eater Detroit

Chinese poached whole chicken: Basically, I get a whole chicken every week, and I got tired of roasting it. This recipe is a really easy — not entirely foolproof, but a good enough way to poach a chicken whole in about 40 to 50 minutes, with not too much work on my part. You can use it specifically as white-cut chicken over rice with, say, a ginger scallion sauce, but just as often I pull the meat off the carcass and use it for meals throughout the week. Two caveats: You really do need an instant-read thermometer to tell when it’s done, and I find it’s much better to salt the chicken 24 hours in advance (I use the method in Salt Fat Acid Heat), so it has enough taste. And after poaching the chicken and pulling off the meat, I often toss the carcass right back into its cooking liquid, cook it on manual for another 60 minutes, and end up with a bunch of chicken stock. — Meghan McCarron, special correspondent

Kosha mangsho: This is a traditional Bengali goat or lamb stew in a heavily spiced, yogurt gravy, and it’s intensely rich and comforting. This recipe uses a pressure cooker to save time, but on the offchance you landed on this page and don’t have an Instant Pot or the like, you can still just simmer it in a large pot. — Jaya Saxena, staff writer

Lemongrass coconut chicken: The sauce is unbelievably tasty for just a few ingredients and it comes together so quickly. The labor to flavor ratio makes it one of my go-tos when I get bored with cooking or can’t be bothered to put in much effort. It’s also great over rice or any other grain. — Brittanie Shey, Eater Houston and Eater Dallas associate editor

Basic chicken noodle soup: I make a basic chicken noodle soup in the Instant Pot probably every week in the winter: The base recipe is two chicken breasts, a carton and a half of broth, a few cups (I eyeball it) roughly chopped diced celery, carrot, and onion, and whatever spices you want. Cook everything together on high pressure for 25 mins. You can quick-release the pressure and remove the chicken breasts, and shred them — while you’re shredding, set the pot’s saute function so the broth remains boiling and add egg noodles. Once the noodles are cooked, dump the shredded chicken back in and you’re done! This is perfect because frozen chicken works just as well (and at the same cook time), and you can experiment with any leafy greens at the end (throw them in when you add the noodles) and any noodle types you want. — Erin DeJesus, lead editor, Eater.com

Pork chile verde: This recipe is very good; I found it last year when I had a truckload of tomatillos from my garden. It is a great comfort food and works well as stew or tacos. — Brenna Houck, Editor at Eater Detroit

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Lost the energy to cook? Look to the Instant Pot

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#Blogger #cooking #Eater #food #recipes

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elizabethcariasa · 4 years ago

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Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF

As I type, the words are blurry from the tears. My heart is broken. And it’s in moments like these that hope seems impossible. The waves of grief, loss, and utter despair hit like a Mac truck. I am not ok. I feel like I am living the worst kind of ground hogs day since we just recently shared our last failed embryo transfer. On August 20th, I had my second frozen embryo transfer and 11 days later we found out that it failed.

I never fully understood the pain of those trying for their second child. I always thought how the pain must have been 10x harder for those without having any children. But the chill reality for myself is having a sweet taste of motherhood and knowing that in every fiber of my body that is the role I was meant to have. And the utter heartbreak of knowing that joy and love and not being able to give it to more than one child. It’s something I have thought about a lot and something I now deeply understand. As I sit in this numb fog, the irony is that my butt is literally still numb from the progesterone injections and I still have permanent marker circles drawn on my butt cheeks from where I would have continued my shots if I had gotten pregnant. It all stings. Literally and figuratively.

Why I am deciding to share this so soon after our failed transfer is that I can’t just pretend things are normal because they aren’t. So much is going on in the world that I care so passionately about, but I have been secretly struggling through our fertility as the world simultaneously is hurting and the pressures of having a platform and showing up for others can feel daunting when your own life is consumed with its own fight. I just want to say, to always be kind to others because you NEVER know the struggles they are fighting in their lives. Especially in this Covid world where many people have lost their jobs, lost loved ones, and so many other pieces of life can be turned upside down. That being said, I try to carry on and move forward because it is what needs to happen in life. But now you know what has and is going on in the background.

I have preached so many times about hope, and strength and courage, and I don’t want this first piece of this story to throw you off. While I sit in a deep dark cave, even if I don’t see the light, I know it’s there. I have had that hope in the past and while it might be wavering now, I know it’s there. So let me explain what happened this cycle.

Frozen Embryo Prep

This being the 3rd time we prepped for Frozen Embryo Transfer in the last 5 months… you could say we were already running in the swing of things at the start of this one. This one also seemed to fly by. Each week, each new medication, the process just seemed faster likely because I was going through the motions, and getting things done and in such a rhythm from the past cycles. Everything went smoothly with medications for the most part. The only different thing this time was that the progesterone in oil shots (aka the butt shots) started to hurt way sooner this time around. I think because I still had scar tissue from the last round of FET, the discomfort from the injections started almost instantly. Insult to injury am I right?? Also the injection area became numb because of the nerves in the area so that was freaky and not fun at all either. And to be clear, the actual injections are not bad at all in my opinion. I guess that is also coming from someone that now has an intimate relationship with shots so don’t quote me on anything. It’s not the needle that hurts, the aftermath of the progesterone lumps in my butt that hurt and sting. I do the whole massage thing, have used heat, but none of it really helps. You just grit down and get through it. I just think of each shot getting me closer to the baby. For the most part though, it was a swift and smooth process to get ready for transfer day. I was at my last appointment getting ready, when I double checked to be sure that Blake could come with me this time. We had planned to have Otis spend the night at my sisters so that Blake could take me and it could be a more loving experience for me since last time we checked, partners were allowed to join for the procedure. Unfortunately, I got the news that because of the recent covid spike in Southern California, partners were no longer allowed to come for procedures. My heart sank. It’s so hard not to get frustrated in these moments because infertility in the time of covid makes you walk more alone than you would normally. But, protocol is protocol and it was not something to be obsessed and linger on. But it was part of my plan that was now shifted. But, like anything else, you need to just readjust and keep moving forward. That all being said, if you are going through infertility for your first time during covid-19 having to go to appointments alone, procedures alone, my heart just reaches out to yours because I know how scary it can be at first to navigate. Just know your army of women are here. And we are all marching into those appointments with courage.

Transfer Day

Blake and Otis drove me to my procedure on embryo transfer day. 30 minutes prior to my appointment per usual and I gave them both a kiss, popped my valium and headed upstairs. Before you go back to the room, you need to fill out a ton of paperwork verifying your info etc and as I was filling out my sheets, I came across someone else’s sheet mixed in with my forms. THANK GOD I had taken the valium already or I might have had a full blown meltdown. I went back to the front desk and I think the woman felt HORRIBLE for mixing up a paper. When I dropped my papers off to her I said, “ I don’t have to worry about getting my own embryo right?!” Kind of half joking… but also, dead serious. It is in moments like this you really just need to step back and think that nothing in life is perfect and mistakes happen and not to let it ruin the vibe of transfer day. I WAS ZEN and nothing was going to change that.

I then went to my procedure room and met with the embryologist who went through all my information and that instantly calmed my nerves. Then my doctor came in to review everything and we were ready to get the show on the road! They always take a photo of my embryo for me before we start which is so special. My little baby, sitting in its little embryo station. SCIENCE IS BEAUTIFUL. Even though last transfer I videoed Blake and it was chaotic, I decided to video him in again as just a bit of support. It did feel good to have him there somehow. He put himself on mute so he could hear (maybe?) what was going on. My doctor first takes a quick measurement of my lining to make sure everything is looking good and it was a little bit lower than expected. It was more like 7.6 or 7.8 overall which we normally aim for 8 but she said she saw a thicker portion in a certain spot she would aim for. Not something you love to hear before shoveling your embryo in… but not every cycle is the same and if the doctor was happy, I was happy. A few minutes later and our beautiful little embryo was happily inside my uterus. I laid down for 20-30 minutes after and listened to some of my favorite chill tunes until it was time to get up and go. This was it. And now that wait continued.

2 Week Wait

During our two week wait, 2WW, we had A LOT going on. My transfer was on a Thursday and I was on bedrest from Thursday through all day Saturday. I called it my “momcation” lol. Blake took time off from work and was on Otis duty 24/7. I stayed in bed for everything except a potty run or getting my injections. I watched a ton of movies but the first one I always watch when I get home is Father of the Bride Part 2. LOVE THAT MOVIE and it always gives me those good feeling vibes. This time, I made sure to plan all our meals ahead of time so I was enjoying all my favorite things. I always cut all caffeine as recommended by my doctor so I sip my hot water with lemon with all my meals. I facetimed Otis for all my meals which made me feel like part of the family and so sweet to see his little face. I have some of the sweetest photos of him laughing and eating pasta with me on facetime. Every night Blake would bring him in after his bath to give me a kiss and try to have a little snuggle while Blake watched him to make sure he wouldn’t jump on me or anything. Hard with an active toddler but at night, he loves those milk and movie snuggles so glad I could get some mini snuggle time with him. Toward Saturday, being in bed starts to get boring even for a mom that REALLY needed some time to rest. By Sunday I was slowly getting back into the swing of things and suddenly in full party prep mode for Otis!

So Sunday I was off bedrest and his birthday was on Tuesday. Blake was able to take off work on Monday and Tuesday so he could help prepare for Otis’ birthday. This was so helpful and amazing because now, I couldn’t’ lift Otis at all, so he was able to really help out more so with him as I eased back into my normal routines. Even though party planning has its own stress involved, it was EPIC to have something to focus my attention on during the TTW. And even luckier that we also planned a drive by birthday for Otis’ friends to come on Saturday so we had a lot to work on and distract us during the week.

On the eve of my blood work, A peaceful calm fell over me. Maybe I was still smiling from celebrating Otis and his birthday. Maybe it was because I was scrolling through photos of him dancing but I just couldn’t help smiling. How lucky was I??? A mom of a 2 year old person that continues to bring me so much joy every day. This is the hope you hold out for. This is what every injection is meant for. This is why time after time you pick yourself up and get back up. And that day, my heart smiled. Knowing that I had that chance to find out I was pregnant the next day. This was going to be my chance where I got lucky to do this again.

Bloodwork Day

I woke up feeling so good. Calm. Relaxed. It was shocking. My plan was to wake up, pee in a cup, and have Blake do a HPT (home pregnancy test) when I left the house for my blood work. My mindset here is that I never want to get a blind call from the doctor with negative news and I DON’T want to know before I have to go see people in a doctors office so always leave the pee and make Blake test it. My relationship with the “devil sticks” as I call it… well, it ain’t good so I am thankful that Blake takes on the HPT duty.

I headed to my doctor’s appointment and one of my favorite nurses was there to take my blood. We chatted, and honestly, I was feeling good. Feeling so confident in the weirdest of ways. I had had some light cramping the past days so I figured that was a positive sign. I headed quickly back to my car to test Blake to give me the results.

He first text back and asked how blood work went before I quickly and boldly asked WHAT THE RESULTS WERE. “Negative.” He said. A pit sank in my stomach, and the tears started to stream as I sat in the parking lot. Flashbacks to our last failed transfer and negative HPT. It had failed… AGAIN. At this point it was 8:45 and I needed to head home right away to get back on Mom duty to watch Otis since Blake had to go to work. I had to try to dry my tears up so I could drive home safely. I did my best to focus and get myself home. The waves of grief continually tug at my heart. EVERY. DAMN. SECOND. I walked inside and Otis smiled at me screaming “MAMA!!!” as he always does when I enter a room. I had to smile. But it almost made my heart break twice knowing I didn’t make him a baby sibling.

I cried most of the day. On and off. Without warning. But what I talked about before is mourning this loss as a mother is so difficult. I didn’t want to be hysterically crying in front of Otis all day. He needs a mother that is happy and making him smile. But it’s not easy. Blake came out at lunch and I lost it. Trying to cover my face in front of Otis so he couldn’t’ see my tears. The frustration of just having to FIGHT and STRUGGLE for so long, all of it just feels so unfair. I sobbed as I told him I just wish it was easy like everyone else. It was just so hard.

Today, I am still not ok. And to be honest I won’t be ok for a while. I know this isn’t the story you want to be reading and trust me when I say it’s not the story I thought I would be typing. But it’s the cruel reality of infertility that there are no guarantees. What makes this failure even more devastating is that we only have 1 more embryo left. So talk about pressure and your whole freaking family life flashing before your eyes. Your heart on the chopping block. Every time I think about it breaks me into pieces. I have been in that situation before, and sadly, we did not have a happy ending. Everything about this process will give you PTSD or at least it did for me. When you talk about being hopeful, it’s likely one of the hardest things you can achieve while going through treatment. But in the end, hope is what we all have. Faith that we can put our best hopeful heart forward and do everything in our power to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t know what our future holds right now, but I know I will have the courage to move forward. My mission in writing these blog posts about our infertility journey is shed some light on the realities of fertility treatment. It’s important to know the good, the bad and the ugly and to know that though times can be very dark, the rewards can be life’s sweetest.

Blake turned to me yesterday and said, “WOW. Can you believe just how special a miracle that Otis is???” And he is so right. Bless our little rainbow baby for bringing so much love and light into our life especially in these current hard times.

To my friends out there struggling, I wish I could wrap my arms around you. So many parts of this process are now done alone because of this Covid world but know you are not walking alone. We all walk together. You are not alone.

I wrote a few posts on infertility and IVF and you can find them below:

IVF 1

IVF 2

IVF 3

Prepping for FET (frozen embryo transfer)

Preparing for IVF egg retrieval

How to support a friend going through IVF

IVF book resources

Covid-19 Cancelled My Embryo Transfer

Failed IVF Frozen Embryo Transfer

The post Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

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kurtwarren54 · 4 years ago

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Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF

Frozen Embryo Prep

Transfer Day

2 Week Wait

Bloodwork Day

I wrote a few posts on infertility and IVF and you can find them below:

IVF 1

IVF 2

IVF 3

Prepping for FET (frozen embryo transfer)

Preparing for IVF egg retrieval

How to support a friend going through IVF

IVF book resources

Covid-19 Cancelled My Embryo Transfer

Failed IVF Frozen Embryo Transfer

The post Failed Frozen Embryo Transfer #3 – Failed IVF appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

from Wellness https://www.eatsleepwear.com/2020/09/01/failed-frozen-embryo-transfer-3-failed-ivf/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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debtfreeinthree · 7 years ago

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6 Grocery Saving Tricks That Will Save You Hundreds

Since starting this blog, I’ve also become a financial coach. I help people figure out their goals, determine what they need to do to get there and create a plan for them to follow. I love coaching and motivating people. Personal finance is so taboo that many people don’t know where to go for good advice.

Usually what I do with my coaching clients is have them go over their expenses for a couple months and write down how much they spend. Then, we divide the expenses into categories and see how the math adds up.

Inevitably, they’re surprised by how much they spend. When you bring home $2,000 a month, it’s hard to fathom spending it all. That’s why tracking your expenses is so important – it’s the only way to see where the leaks are in your budget.

A major reason for all those leaks? Grocery shopping.

Why Groceries Matter

There are two types of expenses in your budget – fixed and variable. Fixed expenses stay the same every month; these include your rent, internet bill and car insurance. No matter what happens, your rent will be the same next month and the month after that.

Variable expenses change based on your usage and the time of the year, like utilities, gas and of course, groceries. It’s easy to plan ahead for some variable expenses. For example, the amount of gas I use doesn’t change that much month-to-month. I use budget billing for my heating and electricity, so I get the same bill every month, and I also use an HSA that I contribute to monthly and pay any medical bills out of that.

But groceries? Groceries can fluctuate by as much as $200 a month. I’ve had months where I spent $100 for one person and months where my husband and I dropped $600 on food.

When you’re on a tight budget and are paying off student loans or credit card bills, every extra dollar matters. The less you spend on groceries, the faster you can be debt free.

For most people, groceries are their biggest category after housing, transportation, and insurance, and when you change how much you spend on the biggest category, you see the biggest results.

The Biggest Way to Save on Groceries

Meal Plan Ahead of Time

It won’t surprise you that the biggest way to save on groceries is to meal plan before you shop. Meal planning lets you create meals based on what you already have, so you’re not buying all your ingredients from scratch. For example, if you already have chicken thighs in the freezer, why make spaghetti and meatballs? If you already have green peppers and tortillas, why not make fajitas?

It’s like buying clothes: when I buy a new shirt, I run through what I already own. Will this shirt match any of my pants or skirts? Can I wear it for multiple occasions? If it fails the closet test, I put it back. That’s because if I buy a shirt and don’t have anything to match it with, I won’t be able to wear it or I’ll have to buy a set of pants to match. That’s wasteful and inefficient.

Groceries are the same. Plan your meals around what you already have and then go grocery shopping for the rest. I am really, really bad at meal planning, but my husband is a whiz at it. He can scan through our freezer and quickly decide what kind of meal he can make while not buying a ton of new ingredients.

If you’re more like me, then meal planning is scary, overwhelming and BORING. And when something is overwhelming, I tend to avoid it. That’s why I recommend the $5 Meal Plan Service from my friend Erin Chase. She’s a mom of four boys and has created meal plans where each meal costs less than $2 per person.

&lt;img src=”https://s3.amazonaws.com/5dollarmealplan-affiliate/5DMP-728×90-cheaptastymealplansmadesimple-learnmore.jpg” alt=”See Cheap Tasty Meal Plans!” border=”0″ /&gt;

Even though I’m not a mom, her recipes still work because they’re quick, good and easy-to-understand. Plus, you can customize by specific requests (vegetarian, gluten free, etc) and even type in what you have to get recipe suggestions. Erin also offers slow cooker meals, 20-minute meals and slow-cooker meals – you get 8 total meals for $5 a month.

If you don’t want to pay or are a little more carefree in your meal planning, there’s other sites that can help you, like Foodily. You type in the ingredients you have and the site spits out recipe ideas. I used to use sites like these ALL THE TIME when I lived alone, because I hated spending a lot of money on groceries and I didn’t want to waste the food I already had.

For example, if I have potatoes and carrots chillin’ in my fridge, I can type those ingredients into Foodily and it’ll spit out some recipe ideas. How cool is that? Seriously, this site rocks.

In general, we always decide what to cook based on what we already have, whether that’s something in the fridge, pantry or freezer. Starting there will always be cheaper, more efficient and less wasteful.

Take Stock of What You Already Have

Unless you regularly cycle through your pantry, you probably have some food you’ve forgotten about. Case in point: in college, I had a bad habit of buying brown sugar. Every time I went to the grocery store, I convinced myself that I didn’t have any brown sugar at home, so I’d buy a box. At the end of the semester, I had five boxes of brown sugar that had gone stale.

Before you go to the grocery store, take stock of what you already have. Why? Because today I accidentally found some cous cous in the pantry, enough for at least two meals. I also forgot about some falafels and turkey meatballs I have in the freezer. When you shop on a regular basis, it’s hard to remember if you’ve used up everything from your last visit.

Every time my husband and I get ready to go to Costco, we take a quick scan of our cabinets, so it’s rare we buy something already in our pantry. I don’t have to wonder if we have canned tuna, because I checked the house before I left.

Eat from the Freezer

How often do you look inside the freezer to see what you already have? Seriously. Every time I have to dig around in the freezer for ground beef or leftover pasta sauce, I end finding something I’d forgotten about.

My husband and I freeze a lot of stuff and every couple of weeks, we take a couple days to defrost and eat few meal’s worth of leftovers. It’s not as exciting as a hot meal straight from the stove, but it saves us time and money. Plus, there’s no big pile of dishes to clean up afterwards!

Food stored in the freezer doesn’t go bad as quickly, so it’s easy to forget about it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stored away something only to find it right before I moved out.

Shop with a Plan

Have you ever gone grocery shopping without a list? I once did this at Target. I assumed I’d wander the aisles until I remembered what I needed it. It was a disaster. I tried to walk around each aisle, staring intently at plastic wrap and deli meat and wondering if I needed them.

Never shop without a plan. I try to keep a notepad near the fridge where I can quickly note what I need, so when I do go to the store, I’m only buying the essentials. My husband and I also keep a list of what we buy from Costco so when we go there, we just shop based on what the list says. You can do this using a notetaking app or with a physical list – just try a couple of methods to see what works for you.

Be Wary of Sales

Do you ever notice how excited you get when something is on sale? It’s like I can feel the dopamine rushing to my brain when I see a great deal. “Oh my god, I have to get this – it’s on sale!!” I think to myself.

But sometimes the sales are how I get tricked into buying something I don’t really need.

Once after Thanksgiving, I was visiting my then-boyfriend at Whole Foods, where he worked at the time. He told me I should look around the store for any special deals on Thanksgiving-related foods, since they were heavily discounted. I wandered around until I found frozen turkey legs at a huge discount.

Of course, I didn’t really know what I was going to do with frozen turkey legs. I mean, does anyone actually buy raw turkey outside of Thanksgiving? No, they don’t. That’s why the turkey was on sale. Those frozen turkey legs sat in my freezer for months until I finally tossed them.

Don’t get excited just because something is on sale. If it’s an item you love, like Rocky Road ice cream, sure, stock up on a few. But if it’s something you don’t really care that much about, like turkey legs, let it go. It’s better to spend $20 on your favorite meal than $10 on food you hate.

Find Cheap Recipe Ideas

After I graduated from college, I spent a summer interning at a magazine and working part-time at a call center. My internship was unpaid and since I was trying to be an adult, I promised my parents I’d pay for all my expenses myself. It finally hit me that I had left the comforts of university life for the uncertainty of the real world. To that end, I started really looking at my budget, especially my groceries.

I relied on blogs like Budget Bytes for cheap recipes. Some of them were a miss, but most of them I really liked it. Finding recipes is such a chore, and it can be hard if you don’t want to buy a bunch of expensive spices and ingredients.

6 Grocery Saving Tricks That Will Save You Hundreds was originally published on Debt Free After Three

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a-schuyler · 8 years ago

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I know that literally no one asked, but I just wanted to take a minute here to talk about healthy habits. Let me just preface this by saying I’m not suggesting this is a one-size-fits-all “solution” and that some people need structure in their wellness plans. They want to count calories and measure weight loss. I’m also not suggesting this is “easy.”

For most of my life, I have dealt with disordered eating (specifically “exercise bulimia”). I’ve been a vegetarian for nearly 11 years, but the only reason I became a vegetarian in high school was because I was starving myself and wanted a convenient excuse for changes in my body. So while these were “easy” changes for me to make based on where I am in my life, I also know that what’s easy to me might sound like torture to you.

Since college, I’ve gotten better. I don’t over-exercise, but until maybe 6 months ago my eating habits were still pretty shitty. I had a job that made me so miserable and paid me so little I could barely function – so I would skip breakfast and lunch most days, and then eat a big dinner or go out and get a giant burrito bowl to sustain myself. I just didn’t have the energy (or a lot of money) to make myself eat regularly. I’ve always been really good about drinking only water with the occasional coke or root beer as a treat. But I was horrible about portioning out my carbs properly, or looking at the ingredients in the frozen meals I was buying…knowing they were packed with sodium and added sugar, but assuming it couldn’t be THAT bad since it was vegetarian.

Long story short, I got a new job that pays me a livable wage and have since motivated myself to start making substantial changes in the way I feed myself.

(Another disclaimer…I love fruits and vegetables. I don’t mean for that to sound like a Gwyneth Paltrow “I just gravitate toward everything that’s healthy…I don’t even know what…how you say… ‘high fructose corn syrup’ is? Sorry, I’m fluent in French and sometimes forget your silly American words” statement. But adding fruits and vegetables to my meals is literally never a problem because I love them. For a while, I was just carbing up because that’s what I could afford and it was easy.)

-No frozen meals. Just cutting them all out. Byyye. Now, this doesn’t mean no frozen FOODS. I’ll buy frozen spinach and other individual ingredients. I’ll also buy Morning Star products because I can’t say no to their veggie buffalo wings and bacon. I’m just talking about heating up an entire meal, here…I try not to do that anymore.

-Making my own sauces. Again, lots of sauces are packed with sugar and sodium, and the beauty of making them yourself is that you have control over what goes into your batch. I make my own bbq sauce and my own pasta sauce. And *annoying food Instagram blogger voice* I will never buy pasta sauce from a jar again. I mean it, though. Making it yourself is far more rewarding and when you mix a little red wine into it?? Holy shit, man. (Also, making your own salad dressing. My basic white girl card should probably be revoked because I truly believe ranch dressing is a crime against humanity. Just use olive oil and vinegar, people!!!)

-FOOD PROCESSOR!!! I love my food processor. I will legit just throw in a shit ton of veggies into my food processor and then dump those veggies into my homemade pasta sauce. Also great for making your own black bean burgers.

-I’m an annoying person who loves the taste of water, though sometimes I will infuse it with a lemon/mint/berries/etc. for a little something different. And when I want something carbonated, I’ll drink a sparkling water from Trader Joe’s. And, you know what, sometimes I will drink a coke or a root beer because I fully believe in #treatyoself. But *Gwyneth Paltrow voice* I really just don’t like the taste of sugary sodas.

-Making my own bread. Not only does it taste so much better than store-bought bread, but you’re only using a handful of ingredients. Pop it in the freezer and put it in the oven (about 400F) whenever you want to eat it.

-Snacks! The fun…or torturous part…of deciding not to buy (most) prepackaged foods is that, if you want a snack, you’ve gotta put in the work. So if I want a chocolate chip cookie, I have to spend a good 45 minutes-1hr making those cookies and deciding if I even want one, or if they’re going in the freezer or my office’s break room. I even have organic popping corn from Trader Joe’s, so if I want popcorn, my ass has to stand over the stove and pop it myself. Then I have to put in the olive oil, salt, butter, paprika, etc. on my own and think about what I’m doing. So most of the time I just end up eating frozen grapes or carrot sticks.

-Vice: Coffee. Not to sound like an “OK but first coffee” t-shirt…but honestly. That is my life. Because my mother didn’t raise a weakling, I can drink straight black coffee. But because I believe in small indulgences and happiness, I will usually splash it with some whole milk or half-and-half. I don’t fuck around with sugary coffee or creamers. But…back to #treatyoself…I did have a small s’mores Frappuccino the other day. Why? Because some coworkers wanted to go over lunch and I can fucking do what I want.

-Vice: Booze. Alcoholism straight up runs in my family so I try to be careful. But I can’t deny it – I love to drink. But I don’t party as much as I used to, and nowadays I’ll just get a glass of wine at a restaurant rather than ordering a cocktail. I’m also South African so I practically came out of the womb drinking wine.

-Vice: Peanut butter, Nutella, chocolate. The other night I literally took one spoonful of peanut butter, and another spoonful of Nutella and put them together. I don’t really know what to say, here. I always have a big jar of Nutella in my apartment. And whenever I’m spreading it on my bread, I tell myself, “This is an Italian product. Who cares if the first ten ingredients just say PURE SUGAR. I trust the Italians.” (I also say this when eating pasta and gelato.)

OK…I know this sounds like a lot of effort, and I’m not even outlining all the changes I’ve made. But here’s the thing: As much as I love convenience and would rather spend my time relaxing than standing in my kitchen, I also LOVE food and love trying new recipes. Back when I used to get most of my dinners out, I would usually rotate between Chipotle and Bibibop. So eating was just boring. But it should be fun!!! Food should be enjoyable!!!!

And another thing: Really the only change I made is cutting out 99% of processed foods. And then I just forced myself to figure out what to do with all the individual ingredients.

It’s not a fad diet or quick fix. I will still eat my popcorn if I make it, or buy a chocolate bar from Trader Joe’s on a day I feel like I could use a pick-me-up. I’m not cutting anything OUT. This isn’t low-carb paleo 1300 calories a day bullshit. It’s just being more aware of ingredients and the food I’m putting into my body. And my clothes are looser, my runs are longer and less tiring, my skin is clear, I’m not bloated, and overall I just feel like a healthier person. I don’t weigh myself, I don’t count calories.

While I wouldn’t mind weighing 20 pounds or so less, I don’t have any desire to obsess over every little number. Been there, done that, you know? It doesn’t work for me.

When I counted my calories, I lost weight rapidly and it made me happy. But you know what else happened? Whenever I went 200, 300 calories over my daily budget, I immediately felt like a failure and fell into that real fun “well who cares, I messed up!! Might as well eat whatever I want now!!!!” mindset. When you’re not tracking anything, your “slip ups” also aren’t on your radar. And that is so freeing in a way you would not believe.

#FOOD #eating disorder mention

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im-not-a-what · 8 years ago

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Forget the Name

Title: Forget the Name

Summary: Rumple and Belle's daughter meets a girl called Scarlet and makes her first real friend. But, this being Storybrooke, some awkward truths need to be addressed.

Rating: G

Genre: friendship, first meeting

Characters/Pairings: Rumbaby (OC), Robin Mills, minor Rumbelle

Notes: Set in the same verse as Long-Distance Call (part 1 & 2) and Friendly Chat. Yeah, finally updated this verse! Diverts from season 5. No Belle under the sleeping curse, and no Gideon.

AO3 link

No one at school questioned it, not even after all the times Ms. Blanchard or any of the other teachers called Scarlet by her real name during attendance. Most kids weren’t paying attention during homeroom unless their own name was rattled off and they needed to prove they were present (and awake). So they had reason to ask for her name, and her answer would be the same: “Call me Scarlet.”

If you asked around, many of her classmates would settle on her hair being the reason her name fit. Heck, the legendary Red Riding Hood got her name from a piece of clothing! Naming someone for their hair color (which was actually bright copper) sounded acceptable. And the girl herself advocated it, so why not?

Téa Gold didn’t know Scarlet by any name when they first met in the lunchroom. Scarlet was sitting alone, contemplatively eating her way through a fruit bowl and a plate of lasagna. Téa was letting her lunch bag swing by her side as she went finding a comfortable place to eat. When she spied the redheaded girl, her long legs self-consciously crossed but undeniably reaching the floor, she debated whether it would be okay to sit with a third-grader. It was a bit bold, a bit overreaching for someone who hadn’t made a real friend in the last two years since starting at Storybrooke Elementary. Her chances stood better with someone who seemed lacking in friends, too, but the clincher had been the sight of the red sauce speckled with meat oozing between layers of pasta and cheese. Her stomach growled in envy. Not that she was going to steal, of course.

“Aw man!” Téa announced as she passed the girl. “I didn’t know they had that for hot lunch!”

The older girl needed a few seconds to realize that Téa was talking to her, and specifically talking about her lunch. “Oh!” she said after swallowing. “No, I brought this from home.”

“Oh. Lucky!” Téa scooted closer, still tentative in action if not in words. “I just have a regular old sandwich. And some brownies. Mom’s not so good with cooking, but she’s got baking down pretty good. Um, is this seat taken?”

Scarlet raised her eyebrows. “Does it look taken?”

Téa’s voice wobbled as she giggled. “Right. Well, maybe if you had ghost friends, or something.” She chuckled again and made a point not to dwell on her awkwardness.

“Afraid not.” Scarlet’s gaze darted back to her food, a sign that even if the redhead extended an invitation, it would be a reluctant one. Téa started to back away, only to be stopped by the girl’s pale, shining eyes and embarrassed yet hopeful half-smile. “You can sit if you want.”

She didn’t want the girl to feel uncomfortable having a lunch companion, but the cafeteria was filling up fast with kids, and Téa preferred getting stuck with a stranger she had some interest in talking to. She slipped onto the bench, leaving a foot of space between the two students.

“I think this is my first time sitting with a third-grader,” Téa commented.

Scarlet bunched her eyebrows together. “How do you know I’m third grade?”

“I’m in second, and you guys always get out to lunch a period before us. And you look more . . . grown-up.”

“I do?” A surprised laugh got caught in Scarlet’s throat just as she took another forkful of lasagna. She had to cough.

Once the older girl cleared her throat, Téa continued, “Sure you do! You’re nine, aren’t you? Most of my class is still seven. You’re almost double digits!”

Scarlet shrugged.

“Trust me, it’s cool.” Téa’s lunchmate wasn’t giving her much conversation fodder to run with, but their limited rapport felt nonetheless comfortable. Maybe Téa intuitively understood the reason behind the hunched shoulders, the downcast gaze at the food instead of up at people. It was easier to hide away rather than risk people knowing more about you than you want. Or doing something that will make them not like you.

Téa unzipped her lunch bag. It was her second-favorite, decorated with Spider-Man web-slinging against a city backdrop. She took out her bag of homemade brownies. She presented a single roughly cut piece to the older girl. “Here, try this.”

“Uh . . .” After a couple false starts, Scarlet finally claimed the brownie and set it next to the half-empty fruit bowl. “Thanks.” Then her eyes rounded. “You have a Spider-Man lunch bag!”

“Yeah,” Téa said with a small rush of pride.

“I’ve been asking my mom to get a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one, but she says it’s tacky. I think she thinks they’re too weird.”

“She kidding? They’re awesome! They’re from the same place as Spidey—New York City! I used to live there.”

“Really?” Scarlet lit up like a rainbow in a sunny spring shower. “What’s it like?”

Téa admitted she remembered only tidbits. She and her family moved to Storybrooke in time for her to start kindergarten. But she could recall the pretzels from street stands, the honking traffic, the gargantuan buildings that she pretended were frozen giants. It felt like things were always happening in the city, even if it was just people going from one place to another or hanging around the park. She vaguely remembered a park, or maybe a zoo. That last detail set Scarlet on a ramble about how she always wanted to see a city zoo, like what the pictures on the websites show. Storybrooke was too small to have its own zoo; the best alternative was the animal shelter, which she honestly liked visiting. That launched the girls into a conversation about what kind of pets they’d like to have. If only the bell for next period hadn’t rung, forcing the redhead to clean up the remnants of her lunch. She hadn’t finished her lasagna. Without a hint of a question from Téa, she pushed the plate over with a smile.

“Hey, I didn’t catch your name,” Téa said as the girl started walking away.

“Scarlet!” she called over her shoulder.

“I’m Téa! See ya!”

When Téa got home and told Mom and Pop about her new friend, you’d swear she’d told them she’d made valedictorian. Her mom was especially happy. They didn’t recognize the name Scarlet, but that hardly mattered. Téa caught the smallest wince on her father’s face, but it came and went so quickly it didn’t strike her as important.

Téa would be the first to admit she didn’t pay attention to gossip or general school knowledge, but as far as she was aware, everyone knew her new friend as Scarlet. It later surprised her how quickly the name had caught on considering that Scarlet started going to school the same year Téa entered second grade. She’d been homeschooled before then. As she got to know the older girl, she slowly understood how it came about.

The truth didn’t dawn until the following spring, just as the last month before summer break was closing out. Téa had started asking Scarlet about her address, her phone number, where and when would be the best way to keep seeing each other during the vacation. Scarlet had dragged her heels giving this info, which Téa respected as a desire for privacy, but it felt strange. She gave her own details in hopes that the favor was returned; Scarlet still hesitated.

“Scarlet, school’s almost out,” Téa pleaded as they waited for the bus to pick them up from the school parking lot. “I don’t want to spend the whole boring summer without you.”

“I know.” Scarlet scraped the sole of her shoe on the asphalt. Her reticence suddenly turned to veiled yet startling intensity when she looked up at Téa. “I just don’t want you to hate me.”

“What? Come on, how can I hate you?”

“Because I haven’t been honest sooner about who I am.”

A chill ran through Téa’s chest. Not of fear—not fear of Scarlet. It was more like she was the one with a secret that was under threat of being revealed. Maybe Scarlet was in a similar position.

“Well, I haven’t told you everything about me, either,” she offered.

Scarlet inhaled quickly. “So, if I ask you about your family, you’ll tell me the truth?”

“Yeah, sure I will.”

“Okay. Is your dad Rumplestiltskin?”

It would be wrong to call the heat washing over her face shame. She wasn’t ashamed of her Pop. She loved him to pieces. But she wasn’t blind to the way people sometimes looked at him when he, she and Mom walked to the shop or the library, or even when riding in the Cadillac. In those moments, flooded with confusion and irrational embarrassment, she clung to her mother’s words: Do the brave thing, and bravery will follow.

“Yeah, he is. And my mom is Belle.”

“Right,” Scarlet said softly, as though she needed to steep in this revelation for a moment. After a moment she said, “He’s the Dark One, right?”

Téa had heard that title, but not often. Only a couple times, usually when someone was really annoyed at her Pop. “I guess so,” she said with a shrug.

“Then you know that sometimes people will think things about you because of who your parents are,” Scarlet said.

That was not the reply Téa was expecting. Better than she’d hoped for, in fact. “Yeah. It’s stupid. But Mom says to ignore them. But she really wants me to have friends, and it’s hard because of who Pop is. I don’t know why.”

Scarlet nodded, silent. Téa cherished that silence. It was better that Scarlet wasn’t trying to comfort her or explain anything away. It was what it was. But now her curiosity was whetted—how did Scarlet understand all this?

“So, who’re your parents?” Téa finally asked.

Scarlet swallowed. She looked at her shoes. “My mom is the Wicked Witch of the West.”

Téa’s eyebrows popped up. Her mind flashed a picture of a green-faced woman, eyes hidden under a black hat, and a woman in white whispering in her ear. She’d seen the picture on several posters in New York. She asked her parents to help her read the word underneath. The word had been big, white, stylish. It had beckoned her to learn the name of this enigmatic image. Her mother had pursed her lips. Her father had frowned. Not at Téa, though. Eventually one of them—she didn’t remember who—read the title. Wicked.

“Whoa,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” Scarlet said. “There’s something else.”

Really? There was more? Téa clutched her backpack tight and, hardly breathing, watched her friend with wide eyes.

“My aunt—my mom’s sister—is the Evil Queen. You know, Snow White’s Evil Queen.”

“Oh my God,” Téa whispered reverently. This was the scariest and coolest thing she’d ever heard.

Scarlet didn’t agree. She sighed. “Pretty awful, right?”

Téa deliberated for a few seconds, choosing her words carefully. “I don’t know if it’s awful. But I would say it’s . . . wicked.”

Scarlet reeled a glare on her. “I’m going to smack you.”

Téa bit her lower lip to hold in the laughter. So worth it.

“And there’s one more thing.”

“What? Scarlet!”

The older girl shushed her, then pulled her closer. “This is serious. Just listen, okay?”

Téa sighed and nodded.

“My name isn’t Scarlet. It’s Robin.”

Now that reveal rocked Téa. It was far more baffling than the identities of her friend’s relatives. “What? But—how do you get Scarlet from Robin?”

“I don’t. It’s my middle name. My dad suggested it before . . . before he died. But my mom wanted to name me after my dad instead. So my birth name is Robin. Robin Scarlet Mills.”

“Oh.” Her utterance barely registered even in her own ears.

If she’d had any clue to what say, it would’ve been dismissed or forgotten at the sight of the bus. The girls wordlessly got in line, mounted the stairs and hunted for an open seat they could share. They found one closer to the back, which the older kids usually dominated. Scarlet claimed the window, as usual. An odd thought came to Téa: maybe Scarlet, or Robin, liked sitting by the window not just so her mind could wander while the outside scenery rolled by (like Téa did), but also because she felt safer from the world with the younger girl on the aisle seat. For some reason, Téa liked that idea. Kind of weird that she, almost a year and a half younger than Scarlet, was acting as her guard. But she liked it, and for that she never complained about giving up the window.

The bus needed barely an hour to circle Storyrbooke. Téa’s stop was before Scarlet’s. The younger girl dwelled on the uncomfortable possibility that they would be parting ways like this, unsure of their summer plans or any plans for their friendship. The burden of responsibility doubly weighed her down. Two stops before hers, she found the words and worked up the nerve to speak.

She leaned toward Scarlet. “Can we still meet up during the summer?”

Scarlet, as though startled from a nap, flinched at Téa. Her face was tight around the forehead and mouth, as though she still expected an unkind word from her friend. Téa wondered if her faced looked the same.

While not all the tension faded, Scarlet relaxed enough to nod and say, “That’d be great. Hang on, I’ll give you my phone number.”

It was the house number, not her mom’s or aunt’s cellphones. Both girls had to wait until middle school to get phones of their own. Téa watched Scarlet scribble down digits on a sheet of notebook paper she tore out of her binder. She liked the weight of the paper all folded up in her pocket when she gathered her bag and left their seat. She waved to Scarlet, who waved back, finally smiling. She felt for the pocket several times on her way up the walkway to the pink mansion she called home just to make sure the paper didn’t fall out anywhere on the way. When she stepped inside the house, and before she announced to anyone present that she’d made it back from school in one piece, she pulled out and unfolded the crisp white sheet.

She couldn’t miss what her friend had added under the phone number: Scarlet, with a heart. Téa’s smile jumped off and air rushed in when a rosy glow filled up the pen-drawn heart. The light cooled but left a blush in the shape’s empty core. Once the girl’s breath steadied, she snuck the paper back into her pocket and jaunted upstairs. Her smile grew again.

#ouat fic #verse: next generation #verse: our fine town #rumbaby #robin mills

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paharvey99 · 5 years ago

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Day 19

We went to view a house this morning. It was a good house, and really interesting too. Turned out that the guy selling it had actually been born in the house and it had been in the same family for more than 80 years. He’d written out a bit of a history of the house for potential buyers, which was nice – it made me want to buy it. Then halfway through the woman showing us round said “He’s not considering offers below X amount*, he won’t take less than that”. And the amount she said was more than we can afford, so I was all ready to say “Ok, we can’t afford that, see you”, but then decided I wanted to see the rest of the house anyway, so we saw the rest of the house.

Then, further conversations with the estate agent revealed that the seller might actually accept a lower offer. This really annoyed me, like, why do you have to go through this whole nonsense where you have to guess what the price is? Just tell me what the price is and I’ll decide if I want to pay it. Like in a supermarket.

Speaking of which, we didn’t go in any supermarkets at all today, that was unusual. I had enough food in for all our meals and enough milk for bedtime, so we were covered.

After we left the house viewing we went down to the park for a bit, then back home for lunch, which was stuff from the fridge and freezer. Then we watched a bit of Brexit on the telly and saw Boris Johnson lose again. I didn’t understand why he then cancelled the vote on his deal - he had the numbers for it. Seemed a bit like something a Remainer might do. Boris Johnson is a Remainer, pass it on.

At about 3pm we decided to nip into town – I wanted to buy some CDs, the person I live with wanted to buy some trousers and the three year-old we live with wanted to buy some dresses. We jumped on a bus and I went to get the CDs I wanted while the person I live with and the three year-old I live with went to the library. Both of the albums I wanted (Kim Gordon and Caroline Polachek) were out of stock, so I bought the Girl Band album instead. I haven’t listened to it yet, I will report back forthwith.

Then I went to the library and the person I live with went to buy trousers and I went with the three year-old we live with to find some tea for the three year-old we live with. It turned out to be later than we had realised, well past normal tea time. We hurried to the café in town we always go to, in search of a jacket potato, but it turned out that it had just stopped serving hot food. We were just across the road from the big shopping centre, Churchill Square, which has a Debenhams in it with a café and the person I live with had had a successful meal there with the three year-old we live with quite recently, so I decided to give it a go. We rushed over there and it turned out to have stopped serving hot food two hours earlier.

By this time, things were getting a bit desperate. There is little more panic-inducing for a parent than a child that hasn’t eaten. You have a window of opportunity every mealtime and if you miss it, then you will surely pay for it in some way later. There are always consequences. Therefore I needed to find a jacket potato as quickly as possible.

Churchill Square is home to a food court on the top level, so we charged out of Debenhams and up the escalator on our quest for carbs. There was a Spud-u-like at the top of the escalator, which would have been perfect if the entire chain hadn’t gone bust earlier in the year. That was particularly galling, being taunted by an abandoned jacket potato shop. The other options were: McDonalds – no potato; Chop Stix – no potato; Ed’s Easy Diner – no potato; and Italian Kitchen – surely no pota… HANG ON THEY DO POTATOES. It seemed like Italian Kitchen might not be as Italian as the name suggests.

We ordered, and a jacket potato with cheese and beans arrived and was duly eaten and all was right with the world again. I love to see it.

After that we went home and I cooked some chicken thighs as part of my tea plans and then we played until it was bath time. During the bath I started to put on a song I had had in my head all day, but when the three year-old I live with saw me get my phone out she decided she wanted the Nick Cave song she is now obsessed with at bathtime on. “MICK CAVE, PUT MICK CAVE ON YOUR PHONE.” I relented and put Nick and his CGI rabbits on. Halfway through, the other person I live with came in and pointed out that on the song we were listening to, Nick Cave sounds like Vic Reeves doing his club singer bit on Shooting Stars, which is one of those things that is impossible to unhear once you’ve heard it. We laughed and the three year-old we live with got annoyed with us for not taking Mick seriously enough.

I made a creamy chicken and mushroom pasta thing for tea. I put quite a bit of marjoram in it, I’ve just got into marjoram. I think it’s my new German cookbook that is to blame. Snipped some chives over the top as well. I’m always surprised at how much buying something you don’t usually buy, like a pot of herbs or something, can change what you cook. I don’t know why I’m surprised by it, it happens often enough.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

*actual amount not disclosed because I’m embarrassed about how much we’re looking at spending on a house

Day 20

A dull sort of a nothing Sunday, but a very pleasant day. Lovely and boring, like a song by Crowded House.

I was the last one up, which was odd. Usually I’m the one that is up first, fetching milk and tea and toast for the people that I live with. Not today though. We didn’t have any plans, other than tidy up a bit, as the flat viewing that was meant to happen on Friday is happening tomorrow. The person I live with wanted to get some washing done before the viewing and we needed some washing liquid for delicates, so the three year-old I live with and I went down to Tesco to get some. I bribed the three year-old I live with out of the house with the promise of a magazine, I could tell she wasn’t in the mood for going out and the magazine was by far the easiest and quickest way of changing that.

We got to Tesco and she chose a magazine, a Frozen one inevitably, and then I tried to find the delicate washing liquid, but they didn’t have any. Bugger. I picked up some other things, including some frozen salmon that was on offer that I thought we could have for tea, paid for them, and went across the road to Sainsburys. Thankfully they had the delicate washing liquid, so we bought it and came home.

By that time it was lunchtime, so I heated up a load of pasta that was in the fridge, a couple of different kinds. The three year-old I live with and I had cauliflower cheese pasta from the previous day. I stirred chipotle paste through mine and made it smokily spicy, it seemed like something worth doing in its own right. The other person I live with had chicken and mushroom and marjoram pasta from the previous evening.

After lunch we went for a quick jaunt out. We tried to go up to Devil’s Dyke, but it’s the kind of place you haven’t got a hope of finding a parking spot on a sunny Sunday afternoon, and so it proved. We therefore headed down the hill to Saddlescombe Farm, where I found a parking spot but properly scraped the underside of the car in the process of getting to the parking spot. There’s not very much to do at Saddlescombe Farm, it’s just a nice spot on the valley bottom on the South Downs Way, so we went for a walk along a bridleway in the afternoon light and then turned around and came back. The farm does have a pretty good café though, basically two nice women serving homemade cakes and cups of tea out of a caravan. It was chilly but sunny, and probably the last time this year we’ll sit outside to eat. The three year-old I live with had an ice cream, which was frozen solid and I had to warm it up in my hands to make it soft enough for her to get her spoon in.

Back at home, I made some noodles for the three year-old I live with’s tea, with enough left over to feed her and the other person I live with tomorrow as well. While she ate I chopped up the butternut squash I got in Sainsburys the other day. It’s always a pain, hacking up a butternut squash, and not quite worth the effort in the end, I reckon. I chucked the squash in a roasting tin with some potatoes cut up in similar sized chunks, an onion, a couple of yellow peppers, garlic and a load of marjoram. It roasted up nicely, and then I put a couple of bits of frozen salmon in for the last bit of cooking. They ended up overcooked, but I think that’s frozen fish for you more than anything.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

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the-wellness-intermix · 6 years ago

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My beginner “diet”

Starting a “diet” (I hate the term diet, because if you care enough and are dedicated, it should be a dietary change that you are going to stick to not a quick thing to lose some weight and then fall off the wagon) does not have to be hard at all. In the beginning when your really feeling like you need to make a change in your life and are feeling unhappy with your body but you don’t necessarily know where to begin or your idea of a diet is bland, boring food and that you’ll always be starving; it definitely does not have to be, nor is it. All you have to do is start with little changes and then slowly work your way into bigger changes (but I will cover that in a separate post).

When I started really getting into weight loss I didn’t really have much of an idea on what I was doing. I knew the basics and knew I needed to exercise and eat less... of everything. Because I was pigging out.

As I mentioned in my post “the Stop and Start Method” I started cutting out fast food and junk food and sugary drinks. When I went grocery shopping I would start going with “cliche go-to’s.” I went to fruit and veggies. I like oranges and I, at one point, started doing frozen grapes because I saw it on Pinterest. They are pretty good. I also started buying Lean Cuisines. I honestly really like Lean Cuisines. They are the more flavorful diet meal compared to Healthy Choice and SmartOnes. But I used to eat those a lot.

Start with simple grocery changes. I’m going to give you my top 10 easy changes to make to help get you on your way (In addition to my Stop & Start Method).

Switch from white bread to whole grain or multi-grain bread. They aren’t all bad and don’t all taste gross, I promise.

If you are obsessed with coffee, that’s okay, just stop getting sugary drinks. Ease your way into using Stevia or even no sugar at all. That’s what I did. I started ordering unsweetened iced Americano’s and eventually grew to really like them.

Cut out chips and substitute for better snacks. We all love chips. Who doesn’t love chips? Doritos? My weakness. I literally can’t buy them because I promise you, I WILL sit and eat the whole bag. Switch to things like popcorn (preferably air-popped) and not the ones with extra butter, obviously. Even switch it out for veggies with Greek yogurt dip or hummus. Or reach for whole wheat crackers or Triscuits. I love Triscuits.

Ease your way into lower calorie/fat milks. Some people may be lactose-free already but if you are drinking dairy, work your way down to 1% or skim. When I lived at home, my mom always bought 2% milk and when I started trying to be healthier I made her start buying 1% and then I eventually switched to almond milk. But make sure your almond (or any nut) milk doesn’t have added sugars. Look for unsweetened or even unsweetened vanilla, that way there is a natural sweetness. You can get original as well, that’s what I buy often times. Or you can even go for the protein blend ones to add extra protein in your diet. These are usually a blend of almond and cashew milk.

Go for more fruits and veggies. Sounds like a simple cliche one but do it. But I want to say, don’t go crazy with buying them at first. I’m going to be honest with you, there’s a very high chance half or more will end up going to waste. You don’t want to bombard yourself with getting a ton of them because they are fresh ingredients so they have a shorter shelf life. I know sometimes it can be exciting and we feel like we need all of this stuff and you can get wrapped up in it and go over board but just try to be mindful and plan out your weeks and how you think you will utilize each fruit or vegetable. Get more of what you know you like and then buy one thing you’re not sure of and experiment with it. Some of my favorites are:

Watermelon

Cucumbers

Kale or Spinach

Apples

Carrots (with hummus) [Celery is actually an excellent one but I personally hate celery… Lol ]

Yellow Squash and Zucchini (Love to saute it. I’ll put up a recipe soon)

Spaghetti squash (use it like pasta and add some homemade, or no-sugar added, spaghetti sauce)

Oranges

Avocados

Olives and pickles (these are actually great snacks. I know they are love or hate for people but I LOVE olives. They are great for their fats and pickles are a great low-cal snack)

Ground Turkey or Chicken instead of ground beef. There is less fat and less cholesterol in turkey and chicken and you will hardly notice the difference. I love using ground chicken for tacos.

Check your labels and look for things like “No Added Sugars, Sweeteners, Colors, or Preservatives or Artificial etc.” This was a big thing for me. I got really strict about this because I wanted to be healthy and not eat artificial ingredients. This will help you cut down on your processed, refined sugar intake.

Switch out your regular pastas to either quinoa, chickpea, brown rice, or lentil pastas. You honestly will not know the difference. I personally like the chickpea pasta, I can not tell any difference at all.

I do want to add, however, try cutting down on the pastas in general. Cutting down on your carbs will definitely help lose weight. ESPECIALLY Simple carbohydrates. I don’t believe in doing a no-carb diet. This would basically be the Keto diet and I know a lot of people do this and see results but I don’t think that its practical and sustainable.

Eggs! Start eating more eggs. Omelets are great because you can add any meat or veggies that you want. It’s a great way to get more veggies. And you can add cheese but try to do low fat cheeses like Swiss. I always use Swiss cheese in my omelets. You can even make it and bring it for lunch, they heat up pretty well, as long as it is in the same day though. I don’t know about next day.

Another way to use eggs is hard boil them. I actually like hard-boiled eggs. I like them cold. I don’t know if that’s weird, I think warm hard boiled eggs are gross so I always make them ahead of time and refrigerate them. They are great as a quick breakfast or as an add on for lunches.

For my last suggestion, the one thing you could be waiting for, the sweets. A lot of us have a sweet tooth. I don’t have a crazy sweet tooth but I do often times crave a little something sweet before bed some nights. Eating cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. is one of the worst things you can do for your body, especially when trying to lose weight. So, the best way to combat this is find those healthier alternatives. Now keep in mind these may not be uber healthy options, but they’re going to be better than those other junk foods, and we are looking at baby steps here to get you on a path to shedding some pounds and build up to a healthier lifestyle.

Try things like Greek yogurts. Get the ones with fruit mixed in and yes, I’ll say it, try the mixable ones, like Chobani Flips or Fage Corners. Yes, there is still going to be some sugar but it sure as hell is going to be less fat and sugar than ice cream. And being Greek yogurt, it is going to have very little lactose so its not going to bloat the body.

Obviously, reach for fruits. You can even make a fruit dip with Greek yogurt and it’s really good honestly and pretty satisfying (I’ll work on a recipe post for that).

And for things like cookies, reach for whole wheat animal crackers. I’m sure this isn’t the most healthy thing but its better than an Oreo in terms of nutritional value. I believe Trader Joe’s has really good whole wheat animal crackers/cookies.

To wrap this up, I want to say a few things. Firstly, I DO believe in treating yourself once in awhile. Don’t take that as an invitation to eat everything terrible for you all in one day and call it a cheat day. What I mean is, allow yourself something that is your favorite like once or twice a week. I personally love french fries so, allow yourself french fries with your meal if you go out and indulge on those. Or ice cream once a week (I’d stick to once a week for something like ice cream). I don’t think completely cutting every thing you enjoy out is going to help you because more often than not, you are going to cave and just go in for a binge session and then hate yourself afterwards. I’ll be completely honest with you, I used to do the '“cut everything out” thing because I was so desperate to want to look skinnier (I plan on doing a separate blog post on my self-esteem and how that affected me) but it isn’t as enjoyable because I wouldn’t let myself even taste anything. If someone said “try this, it’s so good” and it was like ice cream or something, I would refuse. I mean, yeah it was strong will power and you really do need to keep up your will power but don’t drive yourself crazy over it and deprive yourself.

Secondly, I like to think about being healthier as, what things can you add to your diet as opposed to “what do I have to take away/cut out?” It makes it less negative and more exciting. Obviously, you are going to have to cut things out but you have to use your better judgement on that and with the ‘adding things,’ you inevitably end up cutting those bad things out.

And then lastly, simply avoid those impulse buys. Don’t be tempted to stroll through the candy aisle or look at the candy and chips in the checkout line. Be happy with your healthy choices you just through into your cart and don’t ruin it by those last minute things that will throw all the good choices down the toilet. Unless that little KitKat bar happens to be your one-time splurging choice, then I can let it slide, haha.

I know dieting can be difficult at times but that’s why I want to lay it out in such a way to make you want to stick with it. Make these small grocery changes and you will start to see results.

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planthiseatthat · 7 years ago

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How Do I Pick My Meals?

I am a person who loves to cook and is absolutely crazy for food. There are lots of people in this world who hate cooking, and there are also people in this world who only eat for sustenance; food just isn’t their jam (pun 10000% intended). That’s a perfectly fine experience, it just happens not to be mine. I am constantly thinking about my next meal with great anticipation. For me, this is all part of the fun and enjoyment, which is why the system works for me. Your mileage will vary! No judgement!

My own personal guidance system, listed in no particular order...

What part of the production process is this?

I read an article in the New York Times Health section a couple of years ago about the effect that eating within a 12-hour window has on the metabolism, and after some obviously-not-very-scientific experimentation, discovered that it really works for me when it comes to maintaining or losing weight, and inversely, can really directly contribute to my own weight gain. As with everything, this may not be true for you. Don’t @me with your well-actuallys... do what feels right for you.

When I’m in rehearsal mode, I am up at 6:45am, out the door at 8:15am, at the rehearsal studio by 9am, breaking for lunch at ~2pm, leaving the studio by 7pm, and home by 8pm. If I eat breakfast at 7:30am, that means a couple of things... I will have to go probably 6½ hours between full meals, and I will automatically be breaking my own 12-hour window rule by eating dinner after I get home. This means that I’m going to plan for a protein-heavy breakfast, a substantial morning snack, a delicious lunch that will be the heaviest meal I’ll eat all day, a quality afternoon snack, and a very, very, very light dinner; I can’t go to bed with an empty stomach, so I’ll prepare something with high-impact flavor and texture but a low calorie/sugar count.

When I’m in 10-out-of-12 mode, I am usually up before dawn, home after midnight, and on my feet for most of the day, so all caloric and 12-hour window bets are off, but I try to focus on big flavors, filling food with a high protein content. I do also try to stop eating by 9pm because otherwise sleep can be elusive, no matter how tired I may be. I’ll be eating breakfast at home, but snacks, lunch, and dinner are all at the theater.

When I’m in show mode, I can sleep 'til 9:30am on a matinee or rehearsal day, and not set an alarm on a one evening show day! I’m out the door at 11 or 11:30am depending on my call time for the former, and sometime between 4-5:30pm depending on my call time for the latter. So it’s sometimes lunch and dinner at the theater, sometimes just lunch, and sometimes just dinner. No matter what, I'm able to cook a fresh hot breakfast once I’m in show mode, and I may not need to pre-prepare any snacks. I try to make a dinner that can be eaten early-ish and sustain me late so that I can avoid snacking when I get home sometime between 11:30pm and midnight. (But, in all honesty, I usually snack when I get home.)

I’m lactose intolerant!

Fun fact: lactose-intolerance can look like many things. To get graphic for a minute: it gives me the most painful diarrhea imaginable (I say this having had salmonella). But it could be worse, because I’m also the kind of lactose intolerant person that has a decent-ish lactose limit, so I can handle hard cheeses, certain processed ricottas, certain yogurts, commercially-produced ice cream, and so on. I cook with Lactaid products, but I don't depend on the pills because it feels too risky. I know what brand and style of sour cream works with my tummy chemistry. I eat soft cheeses in the comfort and privacy of my own home. Etc. The last thing I need is a digestive emergency at work; believe me... it has happened, it was mortifying, and it still haunts me.

Vitamins, minerals, and protein!

Am I eating enough fruits and vegetables? Am I getting enough calcium? (My mom has osteoarthritis, plus I have a pin in my heel holding a fracture together, so this is a real thing I think about constantly.) Am I close to my period, so does my body want extra iron? My brain seems to work faster when I'm eating a lot of protein... am I getting enough of that?

Do I love this food?

I love most food, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE soup, vinegar, hot sauce, cheese (I KNOW!), fennel, dark chocolate, citrus, basil, brussels sprouts, and mushrooms, to name of few of my favorite things. Obviously, a recipe that includes any or ideally several of any of these favorite things is going to be of very high value for me.

Calorie content!

I have a Fitbit (see? new tools are great to add to the overall arsenal!), and use the Fitbit Food Log tools fairly religiously. Within the desktop dashboard interface, I use the “create a meal” feature to input the ingredients of any new-to-me recipe that I’m considering adding to my meal prep routine and use that nutritional info to determine how many meals it breaks down to in a calorically responsible way, and whether that’s workable for my needs. If it’s something I want to make but it’s too much or too little food, I’ll look into freezing some portions for a later date, or scaling it.

Am I going to get bored?

I’ve figured out that 4 times in a single week, a lunch or full dinner (in 10 out of 12s, or show mode) won’t bore me, but 6 times in a single week, it will. I can eat the same breakfast or light dinner (in rehearsal mode) for a week, but then I can’t repeat it for at least a couple of weeks without ruining the experience for myself. I also avoid repeating main ingredients in any given week. This is the version of variety that is, for me, indefinitely sustainable in a manageable way.

Is there a fridge? Is there a microwave?

Some studios have neither. Some studios have one but not both of the above. Sometimes the line for the microwave is going to be half an hour long; sometimes I discover I'll have it all to myself. Some theaters only have a mini fridge for props. These are two big variables to have to factor into my planning. If needed, I can prep all meals that are stable for a while unrefrigerated (or with an icepack in my lunch bag) and are damn tasty at room temperature.

How complicated is the recipe?

In rehearsal mode, I can make soups, calzones, casseroles, braises, fresh bread, etc and still have time left in the day for the other necessary chores plus cuddle time with my dog who has patiently pined for my company all week, as I have for his. In 10 out of 12 mode, I am probably bringing work home on the day off, or sometimes going two weeks without a day off, so I’ll be leaning on previously-frozen food and quickly prepped things like kitchen-sink salads, grain bowls, and sandwiches. In show mode, I can make things like fresh pasta, macarons, and seafood because I have the time for a multi-step process that doesn't allow multitasking, plus I’ll be eating some of my full lunches or dinners at home on real dishes - luxury!

Speaking of seafood... does my food stink?

There is a human decency factor! A person can’t just go heating up seafood, broccoli, or cabbage in a shared space! I’m not a monster!

What do I have lying around?

Bulk buying is cheap buying. For example, it’s obviously more cost effective to buy the bunch of parsley for $1.99 instead of the single serving container of it for $1.50... that’s good home economics. But to make it actually worth my while instead of wasteful, I keep track of the stuff that’s sitting in the fridge and plan to use it up before it spoils. I can keep herbs alive for 2 or 3 weeks (depending on how fresh they were when I bought them). Cheese can sit for a couple of weeks when wrapped properly. Lactaid milk is actually good for a month after opening (joke’s on you, regular milk drinkers!). And so on. Plus, I generally scale pasta recipes so that I’m eating at most 2-3oz of dry pasta per meal, which means I’m often checking my cupboard and saying to myself “hey, use up that macaroni before you go buying penne.” A lot of my recipe modifications involve using what I have on hand, instead of buying something else.

What time of year is it?

I have long-ago stopped being surprised when my “on this day” memories on Facebook tell me that on this date sometime in my posting history, I made the exact dish that I also made two days ago. My cravings cycle seasonally, and if I’m going to enjoy my food, it of course has to feed those cravings. Winters are for chili, soup, and braised things. Summers are for vegetable risotto and things on the grill. You get it.

Finally, a note on where I’m looking for recipes:

I look everywhere. Occasionally, I make something up but more often I'm modifying someone else's recipe in a way that works better for me for any number of reasons. I’m a member of a couple of recipe exchange groups with friends on Facebook. I poke my friends who post great photos of great food on Instagram and ask them for the recipe. I subscribe to Food & Wine as an actual physical magazine that comes in the mail. I subscribe to the RSS feeds for Food52.com, SeriousEats.com, SmittenKitchen.com (she is amazing!), and the New York Times Health and Food sections; sometimes the RSS articles expire after 30 days before I get to them, but they’re there for me when I have time for them. I have the Epicurious, Food Network, and All Recipes apps on my phone, plus Food52’s (Not)Recipe app, which I regularly look to for inspiration. I talk to people in my real life!! Plus, I have a library of actual physical cookbooks! I used to travel with most of them when I was on tour (my roadbox was heavy); halfway through my time on the road, I got my first Kindle, scanned all of my favorite recipes, shipped my cookbooks home, and loaded up that first generation Kindle with over one thousand PDFs. Now, I have all of those PDFs plus about a thousand more in Dropbox folder organized by chef/source, so that it’s searchable and accessible from whatever device I prefer in the moment.

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