#I was going to do a Collector Lore Dump next

[the-cosmos-withinus]

Shadow Puppets AU - Watching the sunrise

Astrophel dreamed of being free, of traveling the cosmos again and bringing Philip and who he assumed was Caleb with him. It was hard to tell who the third person was, but if it was not Caleb he certainly had no clue who else it could be. He knew this was just a dream and not a glimpse of the future because his futuresight never showed him his own future. But Astrophel would be lying to say that this was not the future that he wanted and he awoke feeling both sad and angry that this vision was nothing more than a dream.  "Philip?" He called, not knowing whether or not his friend was still nearby. One thing he could see was the sun coming up. It was just a sliver of light on the horizon not even big enough to brighten the world yet, but it was the most beautiful thing that Astrophel had seen in a long time. "Philip! Look, the sun's waking up!" He exclaimed! Philip wasn't there. He had awoken a few minutes before the Collector, with a gnawing emptiness that had him shambling around for something to fill it. He was in a near mindless state, and had briefly picked up the Amulet to attempt to devour the soul trapped within, but set it back down a moment later; a power far greater than his own kept him from reaching inside. He could smell the collection of Palismen he kept in his cave and crawled back inside, smashing and cutting open a few to feed upon until Philip regained his senses enough to stop. Left to its own devices, the Wendigo would eat its way through the entire supply of Palismen within a matter of hours, when it had taken Philip months to gather these reserves. Back in his own mind, he concentrated hard to regain his human shape, just in time to hear Astrophel calling out to him. Something about the sun waking up. A rather adorable way to refer to the sunrise. Philip stepped out to pick the Amulet back up and put it around his neck. 

"It's a beautiful morning." He said, a rare compliment he could give this rotten world, "The sunrise almost looks the same as home." His chest felt heavy for a moment as a wave of homesickness passed through him...

[nico-the-overlord]

So I’m trying to write something and thus thinking of palisman, going to dump some speculation and thoughts I had related to them (may contradict established lore if I didn’t remember specific details)

I think it’d be very neat if there was a witch out there who carved one to resemble a giraffe, specifically to intimidate others/maybe as some kind of symbol of power. Now idk if doing so would also result in the palisman being hostile towards its owner since giraffe hate witches but still cool to think about.

And if one were to carve their palisman to resemble a witch or a more humanoid figure, would it then be able to talk? Would that even be plausible? What about in the shape of a usually inanimate object (imagine one having a rock shaped palisman and then just having it look like a rock is constantly floating around them)

I wonder where the heck is Owlbert, I don’t recall seeing him in S3E2. I think I’d be cute if he’s just been hiding in Eda’s hair this whole time but I’m worried he got broken, lost, or taken by the collector or something

So we know Palismen can die (rip Flapjack and whoever else got consumed by Belos) but assuming they don’t get killed by an outside force, do they just live on forever? Or their magic (magic in the wood) run out eventually aka die of “old age”? Would be pretty depressing just seeing your owners die time after time again, getting attached to one and moving onto the next.

Online we’ve definitely seen dangerous or stupid trends done by teens and kids, sometimes resulting in a permanent affect. Specifically I’m thinking of people who spontaneously put tatoos on themselves just because, and tatoos in general. Now the boiling ilses has social media…so imagine people making palisman based on trends. Trendy palisman. Designs getting stolen off penstagram. Artist making palisman designs for inspiration and such. I know this wasn’t ever shown in the show but I do love how it shows parallels between the demon and human world (and by that extent our world). And this is one way I could see social media affecting palisman making/creating.

When a palisman is turned into a staff for use, where the HECK does that extra wood come from?? When Luz carved hers she did not carve it with the stick bit on so that confirms they don’t need to have more wood to begin with. Yeah yeah I know ✨magic✨ and all that jazz but how I want to know how it works! Is it magic energy coming around to form the staff, the inside of the existing palisman somehow pouring out to form the staff?

On that vein what happens if someone carves a palisman already on a staff? Is it considered the entire palisman and thus a staff appears next to the staff making it two times as long or would the palisman consider the carved staff portion as a staff?

Since palismen are made of wood- could you still get splinters from them? If Amity were to pet her cat palisman for example, would she have to be careful not to get a sht ton of splinters on her? Or when the palisman are off the staff do they become said animals (not walking wood, ex. again of Ghost, Amity would feel fur when petting her palisman)

[edh-a-to-z]

19 - Animar, Soul of Elements

Whew. It’s been a while. Been busy with a new job. Finally gonna get back to working on commander deck techs. Here we go with a fan fave, Animar.

The beast of war.

The original stompy commander.

The counter voltron.

This is Animar, Soul of Elements. It comes for thee.

Aminar, Soul of Elements; by Peter Mohrbacher

LORE

There’s not much, only a snippet from here.

In the folklore of its plane, the Animar is the ultimate source of all life—the seed from which all creation grows. In the presence of Animar, crops blossom and herds thrive, and the wake of its wanderings determines the course of the seasons

THE CARD

It’s already a lot of text to throw at anyone. Three abilities, all of which are relevant, looks good.

Protection abilities - anything that keep a commander safe, helps a lot to make a Commander better in a Voltron role. Also helps that some of the best single target removal for EDH is in White and Black. Protection can also mean evasion, another boon.

The next two abilities synergize with counters and themselves. Play lots of creatures, get Animar bigger, make creatures cheaper, and keep going.

Builds

Beat down and Voltron is our game plan.

There was a time when I considered Animar one of the best commanders - an assessment that was common in many a player a while ago.

My build following is focused on getting some counters on Animar, then powering out big creatures and smashing in Animar Voltron style.

Battle Plan

We want a selection of High CMC creatures. But not just any creatures, creatures with a high neutral mana number. Khalni Hydra going for GGGGGGGG? That’s not gonna work for us.

Next, we want a suite of +1/+1 counter granting abilities, primarily to amp up Animar, and also to amp out team. Things that care about counters also synergize well.

We can also add a touch of Elemental tribal.

High CMC

Maelstrom Wanderer; by Thomas M. Baxa

So Animar likes getting out there and dropping a ton of creatures. But we want the best.

Maelstrom Wanderer can be played if you could play Animar, and has some sweet powerful abilities that let your army really rage. Soul of the Harvest can let you replace all the creatures you’re playing

Any solid fatties work here - Carnage Tyrant, Eldrazi fatties, Dragons - so long as it’s big nasty with low colored mana, it can wreak havoc. Basically dump your favorite Leviathans and co that can’t get played outside of a Ramp deck.

Synergstic with these fatties is Fierce Empath, who you’ll likely play for G, can tutor anything with Power >6.

+1/+1 Counters

Counter synergy is useful, and is an option to become a core strategy.

Hardened Scale makes a great choice here. Shaman of the Great Hunt keeps the Naya, Temur 4-5 Power theme going. Increasing Savagery goes once then goes again.

Rishkar, Peema Renegade helps counter do even better, 

Elemental Tribal

Nominally useful, but not needed that much. I’d say you only really need Omnath Locus of Rage, with maybe Brightheart Banneret and Smokebraider as Animar synergy. The wider you go, the more you can justify Incandescent Soulstoke, 

Any other elementals are player for non-tribal purposes - like Avenger of Zendikar is just great to have, especially in a deck that can ramp well. Soul of the Harvest, Bane of Progess, and Magmatic Force are also solid options here.

The Rest

The Ramp

Kodama’s Reach; by Heather Hudson

AKA the Ramp spell to compare all ramp spells to

We do want some ramp. Since we’re a 3 color deck, the ability to fix out mana for Animar and the creatures he power out, it’s a high priority. 

We want a mix of spells that “Find Basics” like Kodama’s Reach, Solemn Simulacrum, Sakura Tribe Elder, Wood Elves (works great with any set of Dual lands, from Amonkhet’s cycle lands to Battlelands to Shocklands) and Cultivate. Fetchlands are ideal, but basic versions like Evolving Wilds are serviceable.

Rocks are important -  Ravnica Signets are great, Chromatic Lantern is always good, 

On the Dork side of things, Shaman of the Forgotten Ways is a champ. Beastcaller Savant, Rattleclaw Mystic, Somberwald Sage, Bloom Tender (pricey, and more like a would-be-nice), 

On the non-basic lands, Ancient Ziggurat is great, 

Random Fun

Ancestral Statues can blink itself infinite if Animar has 4+ counters on it. So...Impact Tremors and Purphoros!

Morph creatures get played for free when Animar has 3+ counters, so that’s pretty dope on the options side of things. 

Weaknesses

Board wipes. Animar loves the board, and his protection doesn’t cover Red Damage, and most Black and White board wipes are non-targeting killers. For going big creature or big Voltron, you depend heavily on the board. Personally I pack in some counterspells, especially ones that hit Sorceries (most board wipes), so Flusterstorm, Muddle the Mixture (or plain ol’ Counterspell), or Swan Song to disrupt this.

RATINGS

Aggro 9/10

Animar can run lean and green, pouring out creatures and generally smashing face. Aggro usually gets a bum rap in EDH, but Elementals can make it work for some reason.

Combo Potential 10/10

A self-contained combo machine, Animar is one of the best at enabling combos, as well as benefiting from combos. Big creatures, big counters, and three colors to play with are greatly conducive to combos.

Overall Power 7/10

Power creep has pushed Animar off the peak, but in any given group, Animar remains a threat in any group of assorted commanders.

Versatility 8/10

Animar can support a variety of builds, from Fatties, Ramp, Voltron, while usually having a mix of them.

Affordability: 6/10

With a fresh, and sorely needed, reprint from M25, we see the price drop to 2/3rds of its old cost. Animar is still 10+ and the decks material isn’t cheap, but it’s much better than before.

Overall Score 40/50

1 of 99 Oddball

While it technically fits into any creature based Temur deck, the building around and availability from the Command Zone make it far less useful as 1 of the 99.

FINAL VERDICT

A great commander by any standard, who’s a great addition to any EDH collector. Grab it if you get the chance.

See you around campers.

[somethingfoe]

You’re SPECIAL (FO4): Tacticians

This took some time as well, didn't it? Considerably longer than my Medics one, considering that I had that scheduled for release but got pulled back as a result of me moving out. Why? Well, Fallout 76 was as much of a fucking disasterpiece as I feared. It's barely even wearing the skin of the Fallout franchise as it tries to be some rust clone 3 to 5 years late on that bandwagon, with rehashed out assets from Fallout 4 with all kinds of dialogue interaction skimmed out for audiologs spitting out diatribes. It seems to me that Bethesda have rested on their laurels way too long to give Fallout the kind of treatment it deserves, and don't give me this bullshit that it's just merely a 'side' project and won't have any effect on future titles. Fallout 4 was basically them testing the waters of the settlement crafting system and attempting to skim down the dialogue options prevalent in previous titles, if Fallout 76 would've succeeded off it's own laziness, guaranteed that Elder Scrolls 6 would've had the same treatment as well as other future titles. Considering that not barely a month into release and Fallout 76 has been knicked off half it's retail price is probably a tell tale sign that Bethesda have fucked far beyond just making their typically buggy games, and that they seriously need to reevaluate their ethical decisions for the long run, because at this point, the fucking fans are making better games than they are. Fallout New California, a 6 year old mod based off of the working parts of Fallout New Vegas, just came out and is indefinitely superior in what Fallout is conventionally known for, save for the isometric view and turn-based combat. As a result of this disappointment, I found it really hard for me to continue on this You're SPECIAL series considering that that was primarily why I even wanted to make a 'FO4' version of it, but alas, I must continue with the ones I made prior. With that side note out of the way, here is the tacticians of the respective FOE and PH lores! I figure that I first cover the Main protagonist's companions across all boards before doing the side entries like Malevolent Relics and Main Antagonists, which means that the Odd One Outs (or Pets) will be the next entry on that. I'm not sure if I intend to slash their base SPECIAL attributes Like I did previous, maybe just lower their level cap a hair and see where I can skew some of the attributes too. With the nods in mind, the Xenith art was by :DevClutterCluster: and the Lacunae art was by :DevInLucidReverie:, and boy was the Lacunae art fucking hard to make work in this format, what with the huge flowing mane that I had to cut out but not too much to make it obvious. As with Saboteurs and Medics, This is taking into account a build that is at Level 65, with 12 perk points put into the actual Attributes themselves, pitting it at 40. If you're curious how I decided the Attributes, like with the others, the link for the original is right here https://www.deviantart.com/somethingguy912/art/You-re-SPECIAL-Xenith-VS-Lacunae-525076774 since I'm going to have to explain why I chose what perks. With that, here is the technical mumbo jumbo, as always.

STRENGTH

Strong Back <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: - Seeing that Xenith lived all her life as a slaver, I'd imagine that her being forced to lug around huge items was a day to day part of her life. Not to mention how Xenith was capable of carrying Littlepip unconscious on her back after Littlepip's attempt to save both of them from captivity of Red Eye is a impressive feat on it's own. Armorer <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - Seeing that Lacunae is not keen on either fiddling with guns or armorer, we are merely talking about the hypothetical armorer work in that Lacunae can project a 'bubble' around herself as a means of protection, what with being a Alicorn under manipulation by The Master of Maripony. Iron Fist <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: - Xenith is the master of Fallen Caesar, a sort of close quarters combat brought down through the generations even beyond the apocalypses attempt to eradicate it, and with Xenith being a hard boiled gladiator for the mere spectacle of the other raiders, Xenith is not one to be tussled with in close proximity.

PERCEPTION

Refractor <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: - Borne of a weird radioactive experiment and being artificially made into a Alicorn, it only makes sense that being so attune with magic can make nearly resistant to any sort of plasma or energy weapons to the point that they might as well bounce off of her! The aforementioned protective bubble also helps to confirm this notion. Night Person <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: - Being thrown in a dark, dingy cage outside of having to fight in a dark, bloody arena would make one a bit more perceptive of the goings on during the night, so it makes sense that Xenith would have superior eyesight during those times. <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - While Lacunae does sport some of that same ability as well, not to mention by her being previously a trained assassin post-apocalypse, Lacunae's innate ability to project light out from her horn in times of darkness gives her less of a edge when it comes to matters of the night. Still, having a weird connection to other Alicorns across the globe helps too. Demo Expert <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - Lacunae is a big guns babe, and she likes all things big, from Miniguns to heavy grenade launchers, so Lacunae does sport some fascination with the big and loud and brutal, even if it makes her a sort of open target for ongoing attacks. Awareness <u>Xenith & Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - Both these lasses sport the same skill in awareness, with Xenith's more isolated nature helping to observe things around her, and Lacunae being a agent of misery for the Master's worst parts. You need the Nuka World DLC to get a 2 star in awareness, so if you don't have it, Xenith would get a one star in Pickpocket, whereas Lacunae would get Three stars in Demo Expert.

ENDURANCE

Adamantium Skeleton <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: - Being irradiated with pure magic makes it quite difficult to knock down someone, and Lacunae has that in spades. Barely able to even get hurt, save for the perchance of getting a train dropped on you, Lacunae is completely numb to the idea of having limbs damaged. Rad Resistant <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: - Almost in comparison to resistance as Steelhooves is, perhaps being doused in radiation makes you almost nearly immune to it, to the point that it might beef you up too! Who'd funk that! maybe everyone should just dump in radiation...oh wait, it doesn't quite work THAT way! Chem Resistant <u>Lacunae & Xenith</u> :star: :star: - Again, both lasses are pretty resistant to chems, even if both don't really use it that much. Probably Xenith for Med-X what with her battle scars and slight trauma, and Lacunae's inherently somber nature needing some version of AntiDepressants? Lifegiver <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - Being a large body Alicorn would tend to give you a bit more resilence, even if Lacunae doesn't really need the help. Her protective bubble, and her slightly regenerative radiation also gives her a bit more longevity than most. Lead Belly <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: - Both hated as a Zebra and a outcast, Xenith has had to take the worst from others in order to survive, so I wouldn't be surprised if she's been able to tolerate some otherwise dirty water to keep going. Toughness <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: - Being beaten, bruised, raped, tortured, and splayed as a exotic attraction for the arena, Xenith can take the worst that anyone can bring upon her, assuming that it's not to the expense of her lost daughter. <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - Lacunae can similarly take some beatings, but not nearly as much as Xenith has. Lacunae does have to endure with all of the negative feelings that the Master pumps into her, but not much more beyond that.

CHARISMA

Lone Wanderer <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: - Lacunae is absolutely isolated from everyone else, despite being tied with Unity and the other alicorns. Treated merely as the ugly duckling of the pack, and vilified on sight by anyone else, Lacunae is the very definition of a lone wolf. this requires the Far Harbor DLC, so if you don't have it, Lacunae will get a additional point into Cap Collector. <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: - Xenith is almost equally in measure to being isolated from everyone else, but unlike Lacunae, being a Alicorn, Xenith is not immediately killed on sight, so I guess she does get 'some' interaction, even if it is almost entirely abusive. Xenith could be considered a 'Haphephobe', which is being afraid of being touched by others, a trauma that Littlepip had to learn once she got to know her better. Lady Killer <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - I know this might seem strange, given Lacunae's demured nature, but Lacunae does catch some eyes, like with Paladin Stronghoof, in spite of her Alicorn nature and personality. You could also say that Lacunae's more quiet nature does give her a bit of a allure to others as well. Cap Collector <u>Lacunae</u> :star: - In the most basic means, Lacunae can collect caps, if merely as a half measure. More interested in trying to lead Blackjack to the goddess more than anything, I merely put this in on account of Lacunae's desire to keep her black dress in check so others don't immediately recognize her as Alicorn.

INTELLIGENCE

Nuclear Physicist

<u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: - while Lacunae is not one to delve in using specifically energy weapons, Her innate alicorn abilities more than compensate for that and factor into her ability to use a multitude of abilities to either fire projectiles out of magic, or cast shields for herself and allies. Robotics Expert <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - Seeing that Lacunae can master levitation with relative ease, she can inadvertently use enemy robots on her side by merely directing them towards another target for her own purpose. She can even use her own magic to literally shred robots to pieces, from the inside no less if need be! Chemist <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: - Supporting the stereotype that Zebras tend to delve in the alchemical, Xenith is one such, being able to brew unusual potions that help with wounds or other ailments if need be, even if it's a rare thing for her to do. Science! <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: - Again, while Lacunae is not keen on using technology to win the battle, her intense knowledge stemming from her connection to the other Alicorns around her, and her fascination with heavier weapons gives her some desire to amp them up from their initial build. <u>Xenith</u> :star: - Another stereotype of Zebras is that they are technophobes, which I guess requires some idea as to how weapons and technology works to be afraid of them, so I guess Xenith gets merely a one for her paranoia of it. Scrapper <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: - with the aforementioned technophobia, Xenith doesn't tend to let those weird do-hickys stay functional, vying to scrap them or strictly warn others of using them. Basically she is the bane of the philosophy behind the BoS. Gun Nut <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: - While Lacunae isn't quite the aficionado when it comes to all things gunpowder, Lacunae still enjoys using the otherwise unwieldy weapons to great effect, like with the Anti-Material Rifle for example. Medic <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: - Xenith does surprisingly sport some knowledge of healing ailments, what with her being somewhat capable of deterring Killing Joke as well as her ability to use healing powder during her time as a slave to heal some grievous wounds. <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: - While Lacunae can indeed 'heal', so to speak, she really only can do it for herself. Other with her being able to levitate friends out of trouble, or give them a protective bubble, Lacunae cannot gift her friends her healing ability.

AGILITY

Blitz <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: - Xenith is almost entirely melee based, so it makes sense that her prowess in Fallen Caeaser would require that she needs to close the distance with her enemies, thus giving her maxed out in Blitz. Ninja <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: - Xenith is quite a sneaky zebra if you give her the ability to get out of her cage, metaphorically or no. A lot of Zebras have a good knowledge of what amounts to Sun Tzu's the Art of War; covert attacks. Seeing that Xenith is equally melee based as Rampage is, it only makes sense that Xenith would want to quickly make that distance. Moving Target <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: - Continuing to be agile and fit as she is, Xenith got her recognition as a deadly fighter in the arena, being nearly untouchable as a result of her nimble ways. Action Boy <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: - Xenith has to keep moving, goddammit! she's moving to avoid enemies, moving to close the distance, and moving to stay out of sight, she's got to have as much action points in order to win! Sneak <u>Xenith</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: - Xenith would more than likely prefer to hide than be seen by a crowd to be mocked at until she drove their face in the dirt. This also confirms the suspicions that Zebras adopted Sun Tzu's tactics of hit and run and subdue the enemy psychologically then moreso. Commando <u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: - Lacunae is a star when it comes to all weapons two handed, and seeing that Miniguns, Launchers and .50 Cal Sniper Rifles are ostensibly two handed, it only makes sense that Lacunae would have a fondness for them.

LUCK

Mysterious Stranger <u>Xenith</u> :star: - this might be a strange inclusion for me to put on here, but Xenith does have the help of her lost daughter later on to get the slight upper hand, as both are very good at sneaking and attacking when necessary. Bloody Mess<u>Lacunae</u> :star: :star: :star: - Lacunae can tend to get a little out of hand with her excitement of heavy weapons, often times literally making paste out of her enemies once Unity starts to control her moreso than other times.And that is it with the Tacticians! I have a photo run planned to do sometime tomorrow, as I have only one day off and I figure that I do one considering how long it's been since my last proper one! enjoy this for now!

[forever-more-never-again]

Greek Mythology-The Lore of Medusa

I do not own Supernatural*Gif not mine*

This was supposed to be a short drabble story but then I got carried away and whoops its now its ~5500 words

sorta fluff?

This is my second Supernatural Fic, so please leave feedback and comments if you like it!

Warnings: Death, Swearing, Kidnapping, Snakes (I feel like that needs to be a warning), Typical Supernatural killing

Sam Winchester X Reader

Egyptian Lore of Anubis

Masterlist

“So get this,” Sam walked into the Bunker’s conference room, laptop balanced on his hands as he sat across from Dean who was stuffing his face with a burger. Same grimaced at him, “Dude, really?”

Dean frowned, wiping the grease from his chin, “I’m a warrior Sammy, I need my meat. Anyways,” He took a swig from his beer, “What do you have that’s so important.”

Sam shook his head at his brothers antics but got back to his original point. “I think I got us a case. Look here,” He turned the computer so that Dean could see the police report that had caught Sam’s eye, “Victim was found by hikers in the city of Seattle, Washington. Looks like he was turned to stone...literally. Police are saying he was possibly dumped in cement, but autopsy shows no compounds of any regular cement product. And,” Sam raised his finger to emphasize this point, “His eyes were wide open and seemed to be turned into stone as well.”

Dean took another swig of his beer as he pulled the laptop closer. “Hmm, definitely looks like our kind of thing. Any clue about what it might be?”

He glanced up to Sam, who had already stood up and was pulling down lore books from the shelf. “It doesn’t fit any criteria of monsters we’ve seen before. This will be one with a lot of research, I’m certain.”

Dean groaned, “And you know how much I just love research.”

Sam smirked at his older brother, “Well how bout this, you drive and I’ll start looking for something to help us. We’re headed to Seattle.”

*Time Jump*

The winchesters had went straight to the Seattle Police Department Headquarters. After going through the whole FBI introduction, one of the officers led them to the morgue.

“So agents, here he is, the poor bastard.” The overweight officer led the brothers into the morgue, where the body was laid out on a slab.

Sam looked taken aback at the cop’s tone, “Did you know the victim, Officer Mcgowan?”

The officer chuckled as he looped his hands through his belt, “Knew him? Hell every woman within a twenty mile radius knew him. Mr. John Buckley here was a regular womanizer. He was a bit of an asshole, he’s got a list of sexual harassment allegations.”

Sam squirmed a bit as he glanced at Dean. Dean spoke up, as he prodded the stone body, ‘So who found him?”

The officer pulled out his notepad and flipped through a couple pages, “That would be one Miss [y/f/n] [y/l/n]. She was out taking her dog for a hike on one of our more scenic trails when her dog started going nuts. Said he got free and when she found him off the trail, there was John Buckley. Petrified.”

Sam nodded at the officer, “If you don’t mind, we’ll need her address and phone number to contact her. And if we could see those sexual harassment  reports as well?”

The officer let out a sigh, his cheeks puffing out making his beard look fuller. “It’s your playground agents. I’ll see that you get all the specifics.” At that he walked out of the morgue.

Sam waited until he was sure that the officer was out of earshot before turning to Dean, who was now poking at the open eyes of the man on the table.

“Dean!”

Dean looked up, “What? I’m just seeing if its actually stone.”

Sam shook his head exasperated as he read through the information on the man. “Well looks like Officer Mcgowan was telling the truth. This Mr. Buckley was known for taking pictures up women's skirts. Pressing advances onto unwilling woman. Stalking them. He really was the neighborhood creep.”

Dean sighed, straightening up, “Which means every woman in this town is a suspect.”

Sam sighed as well, turning on his phone he googled the address of the victim, “Well I say let’s go check out his house, see if there is any clues there and then go speak to the witness.”

Dean walked past his brother, trench coat swinging past his legs as he walked out of the room back to the officer desk to pick up the information.

Soon they were parked in front of the vics house. Sam straightened up as he stepped out of the Impala and whistled, “Wow, for a creep he sure liked to live in style.”

They were in one of the nicer parts of Seattle, close to Pike Place Market. The house they stood in front of was two stories. White marble pillars and what looked to be ivy wrapped around the base.

Dean pushed past Sam to get inside, excitement evident in his body language. “Oh my god! Sammy! He has a HD Flat Screen 55in TV on his wall! And look, look at this,” Dean raced over to the staircase which had paintings on the wall, “This is a rendition of Van Gogh's starry night!”

Sam looked at his brother out of the corner of his eyes, a smirk growing on his face, “And since when were you a collector of the arts?”

Dean brushed his brother off, “Oh stuff it Sam. Let’s check out his bedroom.”

They headed up the staircase and walked down a hallway to what appeared to be the master suite. Dean pulled out his EMF device and nodded to Sam to open the door, who had his gun pulled out. Slowly they walked into the room. There was piles of clothes everywhere. Fancy sport memorabilia on the walls. A king size bed took center stage with a velvet canopy. Dean snorted when he saw that. Same frowned at him and nudged his head at the closet that was on Dean’s right.

Dean looked down at the EMF reader as he pulled open the closet, noticing no signs radiating from it. When he glanced up, his jaw dropped. “Uhh Sam...You need to see this.”

Sam sighed under his breath, and walked over, “What is it De..wow.” He froze next to his brother.

There on the back wall of the empty closet hung hundreds of pictures of women. Some looked to be professional shoots and others looked like they had been taken while hiding in bushes peering into windows.

Sam looked at all of them. ‘Dean...Look at the ones on the bottom.”

Dean paused at his brothers tone before turning his gaze down to where Sam’s eyes were glued. There, on the bottom of the wall were photos of the same woman, over and over again. In different settings. The woman had stylish [h/c] hair and piercing [e/c] eyes that in some pictures could be seen smiling or laughing. Some pictures showed her walking on a trail, the picture taker obviously hiding off on the side of the trail. Others showed the woman sitting on a couch inside a house. Others had the woman in the backyard playing with a black lab dog, the pictures appearing to have been taken from above, as if from a tree or drone.

Dean looked disgusted as he met Sam’s eyes, “I’m glad somebody got that bastard before I did. He was a true monster.”

Sam started to nod before he shook his head, shutting the door to the closet, hiding the secret they had just unearthed, “That may be true Dean, but we still need to find out what did this to him. I looked back through dad’s journal and the lore books and I can’t find anything on people turning to stone.”

Dean walked around the bedroom before stopping at a desk with a laptop on it. Pulling out the chair he fired it up. “What if it’s not something in lore? What if it's something simple like a lake or a buildup of calcium from being under water?”

Sam came to stand behind Dean as he typed in ‘things that can turn people into stone’.

“I don’t think that’s what it is Dean, this guy obviously had a lot of enemies and if anyone knew about that,” Same gestured back to the closet, “Then someone would definitely have it out for him. We should go and chat with the woman, [y/n], who found his body.”

Dean waved him off, “Yeah, why don’t you go talk to her, I’ll dig around a bit more, see what I can find.”

Sam headed towards the door laughing, “This coming from the man who bemoaned the idea of any research.”

Dean shook his head, a smile on his face. “Go Sammy. I’ll walk back to the motel when I’m done here, and when you come back to the motel, bring some Pie.”

Sam shook his head but headed out of the victims house and hopped in the Impala. Pulling out the notepad where he had written the address, he headed towards the market place.

Trying to find parking in one of the most popular places of Seattle was making Sam frustrated. People were parking in the middle of the street because of lack of parking spaces.

Trying to reign in his anger he pulled around the block, seeing an opening in front of a driveway. He swiftly pulled the Impala in before looking up at the modest one story house he had parked in front of.

It was the residence of the witness, luck was with him. Pulling out his FBI badge and putting on his best jacket, he walked up to the door.

Knocking twice, he waited for someone to answer as he look around the block. He noticed a giant weeping willow right beside the house and took notice of how it would provide the perfect angle for someone to take pictures of the inside of the house and the backyard.

He took a step back when he heard barking coming from behind the door followed by a woman’s laugh and stern, “Down Pepsi! Good boy.” The barking stopped as a young woman opened the door.

She still had a slight smile on her face as she tilted her head up to meet Sam’s eyes. But Sam was stuck. It was the same woman from the bottom pictures in Mr. Buckley’s closet. The woman in front of him had the most beautiful face he had ever seen. He was captivated by her [e/c] eyes that seemed to sparkle with laughter.

The woman was also frozen. The man on her doorstep was a giant, with sandy brown hair and the warmest brown eyes she had ever seen. Shaking herself from her stupor she leaned against the door as she felt Pepsi nudge her legs trying to get past. “Can I help you?”

The man seemed to realize he was staring as he pulled a badge out of his pocket, “Special agent Zepplin, Ma’am. I need to ask you a few questions about that body you found a few days ago.”

[y/n] took a step back, smile now gone, as she invited the agent into her house, “FBI, huh, didn’t know you guys looked into this sort of thing.” She walked in front, leading the man into her living room. “Pepsi behave.” She scolded as her dog sniffed the man’s shoes.

“It’s standard procedure. Sometimes life gets a little boring in the office.” He chuckled as he bent to scratch the black lab’s ears. Pepsi seemed satisfied in his examination as he chuffed and then walked over to the fireplace to lay down.

“Can I get you anything? A water? Soda?” [Y/n] fidgeted slightly as the FBI sat on her couch, he shook his head, “Im good. I just have a few questions for you and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

[y/n] took a breath and then sat on the loveseat across from the agent. She ran her hand through her [h/c] hair, missing the look the agent gave her when she did.

Sam coughed, as he pulled out his notebook. “So the day you found the victim, he was not on the trail you were on, correct?”

[y/n] nodded, “Yeah, if Pepsi hadn’t gotten loose from his leash I wouldn’t have found him at all. He was a good ways off the trail, in the middle of the woodlands.”

Sam nodded and continued, “And when you found him, he was already stone?”

[Y/n] nodded again, rubbing her hands on her jeans, “Yeah, I thought it was cement, but then I saw that his eyes were wide open and were stone as well. I don’t know who could’ve done that to John.”

Sam noticed her naming the victim, “So you knew John.”

[Y/n] gave a cynical laugh, “Who didn’t know him? He was a menace. Always starting fights, stalking women. It became dangerous for women to walk anywhere alone. That’s part of the reason I got Pepsi from the shelter.” She smiled at her dog who started wagging his tail at the mention of his name.

Sam smiled, “You rescued him from a shelter?”

He couldn’t help feeling a tug on his heart at her soulful smile and the way her eyes filled with love as she looked at her dog, “Yes, I went in with the idea of getting a mean looking dog to protect me, but as soon as I saw his small little frame shivering in that kennel, I knew I needed to take him home with me.”

Sam reluctantly tore his gaze away from her face as he looked down at his last question, “Do you know anyone who would be motivated enough to do this to John Buckley?”

[Y/n] tore her attention from her dog, “Every woman hated John, but no one in this town would kill him. We reported him to the police enough we figured someone would stop him, I just didn’t think it would be by killing him.”

Sam stood up, walking towards the door. [y/n] followed him. As he stood on the porch he looked back at her, “Thank you for your time [y/n].”

She smiled at the handsome FBI Agent, “Any time agent. If you have any more questions please don’t hesitate to find me. I’d love to spend more time with you.”

Sam flushed a little at her words, while [y/n] silently screamed in her head in mortification for saying them.

Sam let a smile creep onto his face as he handed her a card with his number on it. “Call me if anything else pops up.”

She nodded and closed the door.

Sam let out a breath he wasn’t realizing he was holding. As he walked back to the Impala his phone went off. Digging it out he answered, “Yeah?”

He heard Dean on the other line, “Sam I think I know what we're hunting and you’re not gonna believe it.”

Sam ducked into the Impala, starting her up, “What do you mean? What could we be hunting here?”

He heard the click of a keyboard as Dean answered breathlessly, “I think we're hunting Medusa.”

Sam laughed, “As in the woman with snakes for hair? That’s just a myth Dean.”

Dean let out an exasperated sigh, “Sam our lives are a myth. If demons and Angels exist then why wouldn’t Greek mythology? It says here that Medusa can turn anyone into stone with one glance and that she, wait for it, has a penchant for going after unfaithful and lust filled men.”

Sam started driving back to the motel they were staying at, keeping his brother on the phone, “You really think a Gorgon is behind this?”

Dean was getting excited now, “Yes, and get this, she was banished to an island, Seattle is next to the water, the body was found in the woodlands, I think she is hiding out in a cave.”

Sam sighed, he pulled up in front of the motel. Dean paused, “Hey, how did speaking with that witness go? Find out anything useful?” Sam grumbled as he shut off the engine and walked towards the room. He hung up on Dean as he opened the door and saw him sitting at the small table with his laptop open in front of him.

Dean put down his phone and turned to his brother, “So? How’d it go? And where’s my pie?”

“I don’t have your pie, and, ‘He continued despite Dean’s glare, “The witness knows next to nothing. [y/n] is just a sweet woman who had to handle a pervy man just as well as she could under the circumstances.”

Dean’s glare turned into a smirk as he noticed how uncomfortable Sam looked and how he was fidgeting. “You like this girl, don’t you Sammy boy?”

Sam sputtered, “What? How? No!”

Dean leaned back in his chair, arms crossing triumphantly across his chest, “Sammy has a crush, awwww.”

Sam gave Dean his bitch face, “Cut the crap Dean, go back to explaining how we can kill this thing so we can get back to Kansas.”

Dean, still smirking, pushed his laptop around so that both brothers could see it. “It’s pretty simple, we have to cut off her head.”

Sam peered at the screen, “Yeah, but it says here we can’t look directly at it or else we risk turning to stone. How do you plan to avoid that?”

Dean scratched his head, “I hadn’t planned that far ahead yet. In the myth it says this guy Persues flew on winged sandals to her cave and used his shield as a kind of mirror so that he wasn’t looking right at her when he cut off her head.”

Sam went to his duffel, pulling out his knives and machetes, “Well, I’m fresh out of shoes with wings and I don’t have a shield at the moment, can you think of an alternative?”

Dean typed into the computer looking for answers as he answered his brother, “I’ll find something, don’t worry. I also think I know where her cave is, so we can find her.”

Sam made a noise of agreement, becoming distracted by the thought of [y/n]. His phone started buzzing, snapping him from his trance. He looked quickly at the number and not recognizing it, answered, “Hello?”

“Hello Agent Zepplin, I know it’s a little early to call, as you just left my house, but I remembered something.”

Sam’s voice caught in his throat as soon as he heard that breathy voice on the other end.

“Agent Zepplin? You there?” She let out a nervous laugh at the silence on the other end.

Sam felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to Dean who now stood behind him mouthing ‘who is it’. Sam put up a finger and cleared his throat, “Not a problem [Y/n].” Dean’s eyes widened, “What did you remember?”

Sam shooed Dean away as he leaned closer to the phone. [Y/n] sounded cautious as she responded, “Well I’m not sure how much help it will be to you, but about a week before John Buckley disappeared and showed up dead, he was seen hanging out with this gorgeous redhead. She always wore a hat and giant sunglasses, but he seemed to be enjoying her attention. She laid herself all over him in very public displays and he would leer at her when she wasn’t looking. Never seen the woman before, and after John showed up dead, it was like she just up and left. Haven’t seen her since.”

Sam gestured at Dean to follow him out to the Impala, grabbing his machete as he went. By now it was near Nine o'clock and it was nearly pitch black outside.“And you’re positive you’ve never seen this woman before then?”

“I’m sure. Pepsi always acted really strange whenever we crossed paths. It was like he was afraid of her. I never got a name, but she always smiled and waved at me when I saw her.”

Dean mouthed at Sam as they got in the Impala ‘Pepsi?”

Sam waved him off again, “[Y/n] I need you to really think, you never saw this woman again?”

[Y/n] chewed her lip. She was sitting on her couch relaxing, Pepsi curled up by her feet as she talked to the handsome agent on the phone. Before she could reply she heard the doorbell ring. Pepsi looked at the door before he suddenly stood up and whimpered, tail between his legs backing away. “ I’m sorry agent, someone is at my door, hold on.”

Sam sucked in a breath, holding his hand over the speaker of his phone he whispered to Dean, “Drive to that address for [Y/n]. I have a bad feeling about this person who just appeared at her door.”

Dean nodded, face hardening in determination as he gunned his Baby to the street. Sam kept his ear pressed to the phone, trying to catch any snippets from the other line.

[Y/n] walked to the door, holding her phone to her chest. She opened it, surprised when she saw the same woman she had been describing to the agent. The woman still had on giant sunglasses, even though the sun had gone down and had a giant hat on her head, only allowing wisps of red curls to be seen.

“Hello [Y/n]. We have a lot to talk about.” And with that the woman lunged forward and [Y/n]’s world went dark.

Back in the Impala Sam heard the line go dead. He slammed his phone on the dash, “Drive Dean! I think the Gorgon just attacked [Y/n]!”

Dean accelerated faster as he glanced at Sam, “Why would it do that? It only attacks men. Not women. “

Sam, now in fear for the woman who managed to produce emotion from him, ran his hand through his hair as he tracked where they were from the window, “I don’t know Dean but if it is the Gorgon we need to stop it before it kills [Y/n]. You weren’t there. She’s the nicest, sweetest person I’ve met and she doesn’t deserve to go out like that.”

Dean knew that now wasn't the time to tease his brother, but his heart lifted at the tone he heard in his brother’s voice. When this was over, he for sure was going to pursue this [y/n] thing Sam had.

In what seemed to be hours later, but was actually just a couple of minutes, they pulled up outside of [Y/n]’s house. Dean looked over at his brother, “So how do you want to go in?”

Sam looked down at his phone in his hand, an idea forming in his head. “Dean turn on your camera on your phone.”

Dean looked confused but did what Sam said, slowly realizing what Sam was thinking. “You want to look through the camera rather than look right at it, that way this Medusa chick can’t turn us to stone!”

Sam nodded, face serious, as he got out of the car and headed to the door. Dean scrambled out and jogged to catch up, “Slow down man, we aren’t going to save her if we just rush in there.”

Sam sighed, but slowed down. Finally they reached the door, Sam gave Dean a look when he saw that the door was slightly opened. Dean nodded at Sam as they both raised their phones so that they could look through them.

Sam led them in, glancing around the living room. He raised his machete when he heard a sound but lowered it as it registered, “Pepsi?” He whispered. In response another whimper was heard and Sam saw the black lab crawl out from under the couch.

Sam crouched down to the dog as Dean kept lookout. “Hey boy. It’s okay. Where’s your owner, huh?” The dog sniffed Sam’s hand and licked it before whimpering again, this time turning to face the kitchen.

Sam looked up at Dean, who had caught the dog’s look. They moved as one as they walked to the entryway to the kitchen. They swung around the corner and saw [Y/n] tied to a chair in the dining room.

Her eyes darted to the boys, filled with fear. Sam raced over and tugged the cloth from her mouth so she could speak. “You have to get out of here. That woman, she…”

Before she could say anymore the woman walked in behind Dean, “Tsk Tsk Tsk [Y/n] I thought you understood me when I said that I was the only one in your life who mattered.”

Dean swung around when he heard her. Phone raised so that he didn’t meet her eyes. Sam stayed crouched down by [Y/n], keeping his eyes on hers.

“What do you want with her? She’s not like that guy you turned to stone before.”

Sam kept his voice level and calm, as he reached for one of [Y/n]’s bound hands, gripping it tight, trying to tell her it was okay with his body language.

The woman laughed, still wearing the sunglasses and hat. “Oh please. I know that. John deary was worthless scum. I did the world a favor by getting rid of him. Did you happen to see his lovely collection of photos? That’s how I discovered lovely [Y/n] here. I stumbled across it by accident after a sleepover at his house. The very next day he was dead.”

The woman’s tone was neutral as if she was discussing the weather. Sam kept tensing up, He looked up at Dean who shook his head.

The woman continued, “No, [Y/n] here is nothing like that worm. She is pure. She is innocent. So I am going to make her into my other.”

Dean frowned, “Other? What do you mean by that?”

The woman laughed, but this time the sound was darker, sinister. She raised a hand up to take off her hat, and sunglasses. Dean choked at the sight he saw through his camera.

Giant red snakes poured from the hat, attached to the woman's head. Her eyes were a piercing yellow, with slits like a snake. Dean shuddered hoping that the Camera thing worked and he wouldn’t turn to stone.

Sam locked eyes with [Y/n]. “Look at me, only me. Don’t look anywhere else.’

She nodded, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

The woman stayed where she was standing, staring at [Y/n] with something akin to hunger in her eyes, “Yes, my other half. I want to turn her into one of my kind. She will make a perfect Gorgon. Innocent, untouched. She will be one of the best. Men will come pouring to her, to be in her presence. And each one will face the wrath of those scorned by men.”

The woman took a step and Dean raised his knife, “Not another step devil lady. I don’t know much about you Medusa’s but I do know that you can be killed.”

Medusa laughed, with a flick of her wrist, the snakes on her head hissed, turning to face Dean. “Well that’s not something you see everyday.” He muttered as he swung out and cut one of the snakes off her head, making sure to not look anywhere but the phones screen.

The remaining snakes let loose a scream. They surged forward again as Medusa walked closer to where [Y/n] was still tied down, clenching Sam’s hand.

“You will be mine, [Y/n]. You cannot fight the loneliness you feel. You’re almost thirty and you never had a stable relationship. Men are pigs. All men will do is break your heart and scorn you. Once you become one of us you can have your revenge! You can pay them back for all the tears shed, all the fights, all the anger.”

[Y/n] steeled herself, and as if sensing what she was about to do, Sam shook his head and reached up to stop her. But it was too slow. She turned her gaze onto the Gorgon. Sam looked on, shocked, as she didn’t turn to stone.

[Y/n] Glared, defiant. “Yes. I have cried. I have had my share of fights with boyfriends and lovers. But that is not enough of a reason to kill them! I don’t know who made you so cold, but I’d rather see the good in men, and hope for a brighter future than look back on a bleak past.”

Medusa grinned, oil seeping out of every pour as her voice slithered out, “[Y/n]...so sweet. But once I turn you, those feelings will go away. Don’t you worry.”

Sam looked over at his brother. But he was busy trying to evade and kill the snakes from the Gorgon’s head. They seemed to be acting on their own as they focused on Dean and the Gorgon was facing Sam and [Y/n].

Sam gave [Y/n]’s hand a squeeze before whispering, “Do you trust me?”

[Y/n] glanced down at the brown eyed man crouched by her side. Despite only knowing him for a couple hours, and being thrust into something that seemed to be out of a movie, she realized she did trust him. And once this was all over, she was definitely going to ask him out for coffee.

She gave him a tight nod. He smiled slightly at her before he let go of her hand. He stood up and turned fast, Keeping his eyes down. But before he could raise his arm holding his machete, he froze at the sound of a loud growl.

Surprise at the new sound had him raising his head and he watched as Pepsi lunged towards Medusa, pushing her to the ground.

Medusa let out a snake like scream as the black lab continued to attack her and her snakes. Sam ran up to the fallen Gorgon and welding his Machete, sliced her head from her body.

The snakes fell down dead as the head and body turned to stone. Dean was panting as he put his phone back in his pocket, “The dog couldn’t have come help earlier?” He picked up the head, careful to avoid looking at it before placing it in a trash can, tying the bag shut.

Sam grunted at his brother as he returned to where [Y/n] was still tied up. He started undoing the knots in the rope. He looked up at her face and realized she was going into shock. Her body started shaking and her eyes were frozen wide.

Sam finished untying her and pulled her down to him. Keeping her in his lap he started rubbing her back and whispering. He couldn’t bear to see her [e/c] eyes with so much fear in them.

Dean turned and saw what was happening. He fidgeted in awkwardness before muttering about letting the dog out and walked outside with the black lab.

Sam kept up his whispers for a while before he felt [y/n] relax in his arms.

She looked up at him, “What...I mean.. You weren’t surprised… What type of FBI Agent are you?” Sam sighed, letting [Y/n] climb out of his arms and back into the chair. He stood up, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not an FBI agent, [Y/n].” He paused, catching her eyes. She stayed silent so he continued, “My name is Sam winchester, my brother Dean and I,” He gestured to where Dean had walked off, “We hunt these kind of things...We hunt monsters.”

“Monsters.” [Y/n] deadpanned. “Monsters are real.”

It wasn’t phrased like a question but Sam answered none the less, “Yes, all those fairytales you read when you were younger and all those horror stories about vampires and werewolves, all those things are real. We hunt them down and protect people, like you.”

[Y/n] seemed calm on the outside, but inside she was screaming, “i see. So you’re not Agent Zepplin,” Sam nodded, “Your name is Sam. Okay. I can work with that. Monsters are real. Okay. The world isn’t all candy and cupcakes.”

[Y/n] knew she was rambling but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

Sam crouched down back to eye level with her and grabbed her hands. She shut up, looking down at their clasped hands before looking back up into those soulful chocolate eyes.

“[Y/n], it’s going to be okay.” He smiled softly at her. ‘As long as my brother and I are around, we’re going to keep hunting those bastards down. We won’t stop until all of them are dead and gone.”

[Y/n] took a deep breath. At that moment, Dean came back into the house and Pepsi ran over to her and nudged her hands free from Sam. She let out a shaky laugh as she ran her hands down Pepsi’s back.

She looked over at the one called Dean, then back at Sam. Then she said something she never thought would come out of her mouth in her lifetime, “I’m coming with you. I’m going to help you hunt these bitches down.”

[brett-buckner-the-dirt]

It was an argument that belonged in Toys ‘r’ Us in 1986.

My Dear Ol’ Dad and I were arguing over toys. However, calling it an argument implies that one or both parties were speaking. Instead Dad sat in his recliner and groaned while I stomped around his living room, stuffing old He-Man action figures back into a box nearly as tall as my 10-year-old daughter, mumbling how “freakin’ stupid” this all was.

Meanwhile, Jellybean sat awkwardly quiet on the couch, trying not to laugh as two adults acted like children.

The reason it happened is a story of obsession repackaged as nostalgia.

o o o

Jellybean and I love a road trip. We make music playlists. We download episodes of Lore, our favorite podcast. She agonizes over which of her Squishies to take (speaking of obsessions: but that’s another column), and the movies she’ll end up not watching. 

Dad lives in the literal woods outside of Milledgeville, Ga. It takes us about two hours to get there. We hang out with my 94-year-old Granny. Her mind and memory are steadily slipping into darkness, but seeing us seems to brighten her day a bit. My step-mom (seems weird for a 43-year-old man to use the term “step-mom”) cooks a huge meal – most of which we thankfully take home for leftovers. Dad and I talk sports, the weather, and his eternal effort to cut acres of grass in June with a push mower without dropping dead of heatstroke.

Dad’s house is also where my old toys live.

To be clear, these toys no longer belong to me. They belong to Dad. He saved them, or rescued them, rather. For whom and why is a bit of a mystery, but he has done these things, and I’m grateful for the effort.

Most of the time.

  An original Star Wars poster

Jellybean surrounded by my old toys.

o o o

There’s a fine separating a hoarder from a collector.

I, like my father before me, consider myself a collector because the things I covet have real world value. Unlike those sad bastards you see on AMC who refuse to throw away dot-matrix printers or open salsa from the Reagan administration, the stuff we keep can be sold on reputable web sites like Ebay to grown children as equally odd and enthusiastic as our selves.

The internet, in addition to amateur porn making it seem like every housewife in the world is a secret sex freak, has legitimized collecting. If you own it, you can bet there’s someone out in the nooks and crannies of cyberspace willing to pay you for it … not that Dad nor I would do that. Thus we own things most find silly and hold on to it for decades because, “I’ll be really valuable one day.”

That’s what I’d like on my gravestone – “It’ll be valuable one day.” Maybe that’ll make Jellybean think twice before dumping all my cool stuff off at Goodwill.

So, if hoarding is placing an irrational, emotional attachment on crap, then collection is putting irrational, emotional attachment on crap of relative value.

Dad has been grade A collector since before I was born. My Dear Sweet Mother shares tales of Dad in cut-off jeans digging around the dump for antique bottles. Over the years he’s given me some of these very bottles. I love stuff with a story behind it.

Dad isn’t exactly an outlier in the family.

Both Mom and her mom were collectors – mostly animals. At one point, grandmother could have been the Noah of miniature animals. She was raising miniature horses and miniature goats. There was also a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig and Chinese pug named Mr. Wong. Granted, these animals weren’t technically miniature, but they were small and round, so they fit under the umbrella.

Grandma with Georgia Girl, 1990

My Dear Sweet Mother provides safehaven by fostering homeless dogs and feeding some of the saddest stray cats the world’s ever seen, not to mention that her own two yippee dogs eat better than she (or I) do.

I’m a sucker for dogs, but I don’t trust cats. I feel like they’re all plotting against me. Plus, they’re arrogant, hateful and unwelcoming of love. Cats don’t care about you. That’s why I never understood the whole lonely old cat lady cliche. If you’re lonely – get a dog. If you’re a sociopath – get a cat.

My collecting has gone through stages. There were comic books, then CDs (at one point, I had about 3,000). Mostly, I collect books (especially Stephen King hardbacks) and juvenile-looking pop-culture or favorite-rock-band referencing T-shirts.

Pretty proud of my Stephen King bookshelf

Then there’s the toys.

I don’t scour thrift stores and flea markets for old toys, like I do for books (or vinyl). Rather, I save my old toys … or, more to the point, I save the old toys that Dad chooses to give to me for birthdays and Christmas.

And this brings us to the crux of what will go down as the most absurdly passive-aggressive argument in the history of father/son relationships.

o o o

I wanted to take some of my old toys home for my grandson – AKA Bam-Bam – to play with. The thought of sharing my old toys was a kind of grown-up wish fulfillment.

Dad was cool with this … to a point.

What he couldn’t say out loud, and I didn’t understand was that he liked having my old toys around (and by “around” I mean in a huge box in the back of closet) because they reminded him of me when I was a kid.

Yep … that’s a Donny Osmond doll.

Who doesn’t love the Lone Ranger

Damn, I loved Godzilla

Taking them away was like removing those memories, and Dad didn’t like that. But rather than verbalize this, we acted like two spoiled kids throwing a temper tantrum in the K-Mart toy aisle because our mom said we could have either the G.I. Joe action figure with Kung-Fu grip, or the He-Man action figure with battle armor, but not both.

That’s right: my father and I were in a standoff over G.I. Joe and He-Man.

It started after lunch. I was dividing the box into piles of “Keep” and “Put Back.” Given the disturbing number of leg-less Beast Man toys and at least three Skeletors that been snapped at the waist. All laid out, the ruins looked like a full-color shot from Gettysburg (had North and South battled an alien race jacked up on steroids).

And while we’re on the subject: why are He-Man figures so terribly bow-legged. Those poor souls should’ve been fitted with Forrest Gump braces before shipping ‘em out.

Anyway …

The Put Back pile dwarfed the Keep pile, but I could feel Dad’s eyes on me. He wasn’t happy. Jellybean, on the other hand, was having a blast naming random Mortal Combat, Dungeons & Dragons and Go-bot figures – “Tough Guy,” “Mr. Magic,” “Scooter,” and “Jason.”

Finally, Dad broke the growing silence and tension with, “So how many are you planning on taking?”

“I don’t know, Dad,” I answered, spitting that last word out like the petulant child I was devolving into. “I haven’t decided.”

But the spell was broken. The fun of revisiting my childhood was spoiled. I was pissed. It was time to go home. Like any child, I muttered things under my breath that I was too cowardly to say out loud (a habit I had as an actual child) and slammed all the toys back into the box. I even snatched some out of the hands of an awkwardly dumbstruck Jellybean.

Jellybean was still giving hugs and waving goodbye as I stomped out to the car.

Before slamming the car door, I shouted, “Hope you had a happy birthday, Dad” with all the venom I could muster, sounding like Brad Hamilton pounding on the bathroom door after getting fired from All American Burger. (“Hope you had a hell of piss, Arnold!”).

My temper tantrum was played out by the time Jellybean and I hit the highway, but I was still trying to make sense of what had just happened. That’s when my wonderfully pragmatic daughter spoke up:

“Well, daddy, I see your side. But I also see Papa Don’s side. You wanted to give those toys to Jase, but he doesn’t really know Jase, so he wanted to keep them because they make him think of you as a kid. You’re all grown up now and don’t really play with toys – at least not as much – and he kinda has a hard time letting go of that.

“He wants you to have them, but he also wants to keep them.”

Well. Crap. I turn the car around.

I met Dad on the porch and like men uncomfortable with expressing their feelings, we communicated mostly through grunts, head nods, shoulder shrugs, and more hand gestures than a third base coach being attacked by killer bees. We agreed, finally, that the whole thing was a silly misunderstanding.

Two days later a priority mail package arrived at my door stuffed with He-Man action figures. By the next weekend, Bam-Bam was bashing and battling all over the house like just another blonde-headed kid did once upon a time at his father’s house.

Watching him play made me happy, and I know it would’ve made Dad happy, too.

Bam-Bam and Buzz-Off

A boy and his toys

      Two grown men arguing over toys It was an argument that belonged in Toys ‘r’ Us in 1986. My Dear Ol’ Dad and I were arguing over toys.

[edh-a-to-z]

10 - Alesha, Who Smiles at Death

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!

I’ve been waiting for this one for a while. Oh yea.

After Akuta, we need a good commander to wash out the ashy taste. And Alesha, boy does she deliver.

Our Alesha will be a budget reanimator deck. As always, budget is a relative term, but most of our cards will be draft fodder and bulk rares. Mixed in are some reanimation that costs a couple of bucks. I’ll list the cards for each section (purpose, price, and other factors).

Budget includes bulk rares (usually under $0.75). Modest priced cards are $0.75 to $2.50. Pricey is from $2.50 to $7.50, and above that is expensive. (Again, looking at you Sword of Body and Mind). You’ll only need the budget and modest cards to make the core of the deck, but more expensive options should be considered for upgrades later on, or to include if you already have them.

ALSO! 

This looks like my longest post yet, so I’m hoping I did okay. Hope it’s a decent primer for getting to know Alesha.

LORE:

(special thanks to @alesha-who-smiles-at-memes for helping me with this)

Alesha was the last Khan of Mardu, before Sarkhan the A*hole ruined a perfectly nice plane with a bunch of damn flying lizards. That’s about it. Kolaghan was chill at the time, and said “Yo Alesha, lets work together.” And they did.

Later Kolaghan would turn out to be a huge jerk and go crazy over her brood. They lost their Mardu name, became cannibals, etc. And worst of all, Dragonlord Kolaghan is awful in EDH.

But back to Alesha.

The Mardu Horde was heavily based off the Mongol Hordes, with effective raiding strategies and usage of horse archers (and lightning magic. Slight advantage over the Mongols). When a Mardu warrior made their first kill in battle, they chose a new name emblematic of what they do (see Zurgo Helmsmasher) Raid and Dash rewarded aggressive plays. 

Alesha is the only khan to not submit/die to the dragons (as mentioned above). Notably, she’s a human transgender woman, who chose her name after her grandmother. The Mardu care less for traditional gender roles/identities, and are more of the mind “we judge you based on what you do.” 

THE CARD:

The lady, the legend. On her own, a 3/2 first striker for 2R is solid. 

Then you look at her ability. Phew. Now that is some text.

We get Mardu color identity and Power =< 2 resurrection and quasi haste for   2*(W/B). Now that’s power.

She’s also human and warrior. Not sure what tribal stuff would justify being put in, but there’s gotta be someone out there.

BUILDS:

Alesha enables a lot of builds, but usually revolves around the graveyard. Death and taxes, good old aristocrats, and self-mill and recur. Alesha is just so versatile, with such fun colors, you gotta get a copy.

This build is neapolitan. It doesn’t really run any combos, but has multiple ways to fill the ‘yard - sac outlets, discards, self-milling - some aristocrat stuff to take advantage. Basically an Alesha value build that can be taken to more combo-oriented wins, or combat-oriented. 

Heck, there’s Alesha Voltron builds. Skies the limit. Here we go.

BATTLE PLAN:

Resurrection, resurrection for days.

Every Alesha deck wants to play with recursion, so I’ll just go with that, leaving spicier builds to those most familiar with her (I myself use her solely as a budget commander).

We need things that are generally CMC >= 3 (to make Alesha’s ability a discount) and Power <= 2 (to work with the ability).

To help, we want discard engines, sac effects, Entomb - style effects, and recursion independent of Alesha (like Reanimate). 

(1) Reanimation Targets

I’m going to do an itemized list here. Gonna be long. Here we go.

White

Angel of Invention - Modest price; comes in as a anthem at 4/3 spread over one or three bodies. 

Karmic Guide - Modest price; recursion, and it kills itself to be used again.

Knight-Captain of Eos - Modest; and gives you a Fog on command, and some bodies for sac’ing. Also a sac outlet for soldiers.

Sensor Splicer - Budget; brings a token to the field with it.

Blade Splicer - Modest; token generator, Sensor’s big sister

Urbis Protector - budget; token generator

Azorius Justicar - budget, pacifies potential defenders that’ll block your team

Custodi Soulbinders - budget; The first of our 0/0 creatures that enters with a swarm of +1/+1 tokens. This guy also makes extra spirits as a mana dump.

Aven Cloudchaser - budget; toolbox for enchantment destruction (replaceable with any creature that ETB destroys enchantment, like Soltari Visionary)

Palace Jailer, Fiend Hunter, Fairgrounds Warden, Banisher Priest - all budget; all act as Oblivion Ring for creatures. You can do sacrifice shenanigans with the Fiend Hunter to permanently exile things.

Defender en-Vec - Budget; an old oddball that can play with it’s fading counters to do up to 8 damage prevention, and kill itself doing so (and thus be available for recursion)

Lowland Tracker - Budget; another old oddball. This guy lets you kill the Noble Hierarch that’s been chilling on the other side of the field, or pull an important defender away. Or diplomatically, to let a opponents big creature be available to block.

Mentor of the Meek - Modest, allows you to draw off of most of the creatures in your deck and Alesha’s ability

Palisade Giant and Protector of the Crown - both budget; good meat shields for you

Radiant’s Dragoons - budget; decent lifegain, echo lets it die and be used again

Recruiter of the Guard - Expensive; our first expensive card, and for a good reason - she can tutor most of our deck, and works with Alesha

Stonehorn Dignitary - Budget; use it like it’s in a Brago deck, abuse and shut people down.

(Anything that worked in Brago and is 2<= power is a good choice)

Black

Archetype of Finality - Budget; Deathtouch for the team and take it away from your opponents? Fun toy.

Big Game Hunter - Modest; does a repeatable Smite the Monstrous impression, and has Madness (we do like discarding!)

Bone Shredder - Budget; It kills stuff, and dies easy for using it again next turn

Disciple of Bolas - Modest; sac something, then draw and LG. You’ll probably want to recurr whatever you sac’d, so win-win

Entomber Exarch - Budget; retrieve a creature in the ‘yard, or better Duress an opponent

Gonti -  edge of Budget; steal your opponents toys over and over

Marionette Master - Budget; niche artifact usage, token maker

Nekrataal - Budget; backup Bone Shredder

Noosegraf Mob - Budget; solid beater and token creator. 0/0 creatures are a great reason to play Alesha.

Pontiff of Blight - Budget; Bottom heavy mass Extort. Lets you pretend to be an Orzhov deck and play with some life.

Priest of the Blood Rite - Budget; Get it in the yard, pull it out, sac, repeat. 5/5 demon flyers are nothing to scoff at.

Thief of Blood - Budget; Kills ‘Walkers, and weakens or kills +1/+1 reliant creatures. Pulls -1/-1 counters off your team (take that Hapatra!), and while we don’t play with other counters (loyalty, ki, etc), we mess with others who do

Thorn of the Black Rose - Budget; Card draw, deathtouch

Wei Night Raiders - Expensive; Portal 3 card, so super pricey, but it’s basically an unblockable Hypnotic Specter

Hypnotic Specter - Budget; as above, but cheaper and blockable

Raving Dead - Modest; Basically half a kill if it gets through, and Alesha’s ressurection lets you pick the target.

RED

Anarchist -  Budget; lets your reuse sorceries like Sieze the Day, or Buried Alive. Alesha’s recursion means not paying the 5 CMC.

Beetleback Chief - Budget; 4/4 over 3 bodies for 2 mana is attractive for sac outlets

Goblin Settler - Obscene; Proxy it, and revel in repeated land destruction

Ignition Team - Budget; Another Conspiracy 0/0, it can come in for cheap and be pretty big midgame. It also makes solid beaters out of lands

Imperial Recruiter - Obscene; Proxy it, and tutor any card you want

Manic Vandal - Budget; toolkit for artifact destruction

Mindclaw Shaman - Budget; steal your opponents spells

Savage Firecat - Budget; enters as a 7/7 trample beater, and you can kill it and bring it back as needed.

Siege-Gang Commander - Modest; better Beetleback Chief with a sac outlet

Yuan-Shao, the Indecisive - Obscene; Proxy it, and have an unblockable creature, and force your creatures to be blocked one on one.

Artifacts

Arcbound X - Budget - Obscene; Pick any of the bigger ones (skip Arcbound Ravager), and you get a good deal. Underpriced (with Alesha’s ability) and nice abilities on death.

Burnished Hart - Budget; good ramp is good, recurrable good ramp is better

Clockwork Dragon - Budget; the biggest clockwork creatures comes in as a 6/6 flyer for 2.

Filigree Familiar - Budget; smaller Solemn Simulacrum that’ll probably be a budget EDH staple.

Solemn Simulacrum - Modest; repeatable value is always good.

Silent Arbiter - Modest; Good defensive option, forces your opponents to block your incoming team with one declared defender. Sac at the end of the turn before yours and repeat.

Triskelion - Budget; Because Walking Ballista doesn’t work in this deck

Workhorse - Budget; Weird ramp? Recur it turn 4 and you have X+2 mana, where X is the amount of normal land drops and getting Alesha T3.

Multicolor

Ankle Shanker - Budget; A brutal combat trick, even played from the hand. Also, the alt art is equally cheap, so check it out.

Ponyback Brigade - Budget; You probably have this lying at the bottom of a box somewhere. 4 bodies with 5/5 power. Makes great fodder for sac effects and Ashnod’s Altar

Sin Collector  - Budget; tech against spellslinger decks

Duergar Hedge-Mage - Budget; tech removal against artifacts and enchantments

Flame-Kin Zealot and Resolute Blademaster- Budget; selected combat tricks, to support Ankle Shanker. Compare to the Archetype of X creatures from Theros block for fun combat.

Fulminator Mage - Expensive; Modern staple, and really useful - sac before combat damage for land removal

Master of Cruelties - Pricey; Almost a game win if it gets through. 

Lim-Dul’s Paladin -  Budget; Does it all - kills itself, can draw a card, is a trampling 6/6 or a 4 life drainer.

(2) Filling the ‘Yard

We want a couple options for filling the yard - discard, self milling, sac’ing enchantments, artifacts, and creatures (and some things that benefit from all the dying.

(A) Entomb & Co.

Corpse Connoisseur does it twice (but doesn’t combo with Alesha), Buried Alive and Entomb are classics. Morality Shift says “screw it, I’ll make my deck my ‘yard.” There are some others, but these are my favorites.

(B) Sac Engines

(Lots of sac engines here)

We like things that sac for free. We want Goblin Bombardment, not Barrage of Expendables.

Free sac effects let us sac things in response to things dying worthlessly in combat, or before a board wipe, or because we want Alesha to recur them. It’s better for something getting Path’d to be in the ‘yard than exiled.

Spawning Pit makes tokens, Viscera Seer scrys, Dimir House-Guard transmutes, recurs, and is a sac outlet, Phyrexian Altar and Ashnod’s Altar are mana makers, Sadistic Hypnotist is just plain mean discard, Martyr’s Cause is a fun for protection and diplomacy, 

Attrition is a sac outlet I’m willing to pay B for to use, and is double good with a Grave Pact package, and Shivan Harvest for land removal. 

(3) Discard and Milling

Sometimes we wanna self mill, or rummage(Red’s in our colors). Cathartic Reunion is okay, because we get 2 things in the yard. Body Snatcher likes helping entomb and recur stuff. Escalating Collective Brutality, especially early game, fills the ‘yard. Cryptbreaker makes bodies, draws cards, and can come back with Alesha (but will probably die). Wheel of Fortune and co. discard your hand (and everyone elses) and gets you refilled. Cards with Retrace are great, like World at War. 

There’s plenty of Discard stuff out there (self milling in Mardu isn’t my forte), use them well

(3) Reanimation Effects

(extra stuff here)

Reveillark loves Alesha’s creatures, and makes the best target for reanimating and sac’ing. Resurrection, False Defeat, and Breath of Life are very similar white sorceries, and Miraculous Recovery is an instant version. Death or Glory does the whole yard, but takes away the toolbox functionality of your ‘yard. And Marshal’s Anthem is a anthem plus kickable recursion.

Unburial Rites is fiscally cheap, and goes twice. Reanimate, Animate Dead, Beacon of Unrest, Diabolic Servitude - there’s so many black options

Cauldron Dance is an odd trick, getting 2 more creatures on the field, plus whatever Alesha pulls. Crypt Champion always dies when pulled by Alesha, but has a decent effect, and always dying is fine in Grave Pact decks.

THE REST:

For a 3 color manabase I always suggest the Professor. We value mana rocks and dual/tri lands more than a dual or mono deck, so business as usual. We plan on ramping from artifacts, and if needed, white has some “Balance” style Plains ramping, and Black has some Swamp ramping. Feel free to dip into one color more than normal based on the makeup of your deck - more black creatures, add more black mana.

Grave Pack, Butcher of Malakir, Blood Artist & co, make a nice package. If your running sac outlets, you can focus more on token effects to sac your way to victory.

Combat help is nice too - extra combat phases plus things that protect Alesha are good - extra phases like Aurelia and her like, and Iroas, God of Victory, Reconnaissance (also good for saving things Alesha recurs), Boots and Greaves, indestructibility effects like Nahiri’s Mechanizations and Gift of Immortality.

WEAKNESSES:

GY hate. This deck is Meren-level of GY hate weakness. We can always restock the ‘yard, but it hurts a lot.

Stax/Pillowfort decks hurt a lot - things Voltron decks do well (like hitting for Commander Damage) won’t work for us.

Alesha is also small for a commander that wades into combat. 2 toughness gets killed by Shock, or any effect worse than -0/-2. Some protection is seriously needed - protection equipment package works fine since Alesha has access to White, as well as Reconnaissance is good for triggering Alesha’s ability and retreating out of bad blocking situations.

RATINGS:

Control: 5/10 - Alesha doesn’t favor a control set up, nor does she have abilities that help, but her colors are great for answering anything, as well as board wipes.

Diplomacy: 6/10 - not really equipped for it past “stop attacking me with your resurrected Raving Dead”

Aggro: 9/10 - she not only likes attacking, she recurs things attacking too.

Overall Power: 10/10 - She’s a Tier 1.5 commander, and one of the easiest to learn and abuse.

Versatility: 10/10 - While she does one thing, she has a lot of options stemming from it.

Affordability: 10/10 - She can go super budget, or uber expensive, scaling for your wallet and group power level. She also got reprinted in C16, while already being cheap, so she goes for like a quarter.

Overall Score: 50/60 best commander thus far. She does a lot in a 3 CMC body.

One of the 99: Decent. In most decks not built around her, she’s mostly for recurring utility creatures or things for sac outlets, as well as a lot of Aggro decks.

FINAL VERDICT: Get this card. Even if you can’t build with her right now, or the next 3 years, just get her and put her in your box of bulk rares.

You can build a deck out of an LGS’s draft rejects and go toe to toe with an average pre-con group. She is one well endowed lady.