#I was excited when I found this article but it's literally on the wikipedia page for Fantine so I could have just found it there

[psalm22-6]

Did you know that the "V" in "Eugene V. Debs" stands for Victor? Yes, the parents of political activist Eugene Debs named him after Eugene Sue and Victor Hugo. Les Miserables was apparently his father's bible and it became Eugene's favorite book, which he read over and over again.

The character of Fantine (whom he calls "the greatest character in fiction") inspired him to write the following article, "Fantine In Our Day," in 1916. It was originally published in the International Socialist Review (I came across it in the Brisbane Worker.) In it, Debs examines sex work through the framework of worker's rights and the exploitative nature of labor under capitalism. Some of his arguments are rooted in misogyny, to be sure, but I was surprised by how much the article holds up (in my opinion) and in any case, it's an interesting historical document.

Read it yourself beneath the cut.

Fantine in Our Day by Eugene V Debs The reader of "Les Miserables" can never forget the ill-starred Fantine, the mournful heroine of Hugo's immortal classic. The very name of Fantine, the gay, guileless, trusting girl, the innocent, betrayed, self-immolating young mother, the despoiled, bedraggled, haunted and holy martyr to motherhood, to the infinite love of her child touches to tears and haunts the memory like a melancholy dream.

Jean Valjean, noblest of heroes, was possible only because of Fantine, sublimest of martyrs.

Fantine—child of poverty and starvation—the ruined girl, the abandoned mother, the hounded prostitute, remained to the very hour of her tragic death chaste as a virgin, spotless as a saint in the holy sanctuary of her own pure and undefiled soul. It was of such as Fantine that Heine wrote: "I have seen women on whose cheeks red vice was painted and in whose hearts dwelt heavenly purity."

The brief, bitter, blasted life of Fantine epitomizes the ghastly story of the persecuted, perishing Fantines of modern society in every land in Christendom. Everywhere they are branded as "prostitutes" and shunned as lepers. Never was the woman born who could sink low enough even in the upper class to be called a "prostitute," and the man who calls a woman by that hideous epithet bears it upon his own forehead.

Why are the Fantines of our day charged with having "gone wrong" and with being "fallen women"? Not one in all the numberless ranks of these sisters of ours who are so despised by the soulless society of which they are the offspring has "gone" wrong and not one has "fallen" to her present debased and unhappy state. If there is on earth a woman who has "fallen" in the sense usually applied to women who mortgage their honor in the battle for bread I have yet to see or hear of her.

There are certain powerful social forces which in the present order of things make for what is known as "prostitution," but it is to be noted that there are no "prostitutes" in the upper classes of society. The women in the higher strata may be sexually as unchaste as they will, they are never "prostitutes." The well-to-do woman, not driven by these forces to sell her body to feed her child, may yet fall into the grossest sexual immorality through sheer idleness and ennui, but she has got "gone wrong"—no one thinks of her as a "fallen women," or dreams of branding her as a "prostitute," and unless she is flagrantly indiscreet in the distribution of her favors her social standing is not materially affected by her moral lapses.

But let a poor shop-girl, a seamstress or domestic servant—in a word, a working girl—commit some slight indiscretion, and that hour her doom is sealed, and she might as well present herself at once to the public authorities and have the scarlet letter seared into her forehead with a branding iron. She may be pure and innocent as a child but the "benefit of the doubt" never fails to condemn her. She has "gone wrong," is now a "fallen woman," and the word "prostitute," coined exclusively for her, now designates the low estate which is to be her lot the rest of her life.

A rich woman may sink as low as she can—and a woman can sink very low in the moral and spiritual scale without necessarily indulging her carnal appetites—she is never a "prostitute." She does not sell herself from necessity but indulges herself from desire and therefore is not a "prostitute."

"Prostitution" as generally understood has economic as well as moral and sexual significance and application. "Prostitution" is confined to the "lower class" and hears a direct and intimate relation to the exploitation of the "upper class."

The Fantines of modern society, the "prostitutes", of the present day are wholly of the working class; the segregated area is populated entirely by these unfortunate sisters of ours, and the blasted life and crucified soul of every mother's daughter of them pleads in mute agony for the overthrow of the brutal, blighting, bartering system which has robbed them of their womanhood, shorn them of every virtue, reduced them to the degraded level of merchandise and finally turned them into sirens of retribution to avenge their dishonour and shame.

As these lines are being written the report of the Vice Commission of the State of Maryland appears in the press dispatches to inform the public that investigation of vice recently concluded in the great cities of that state discloses the fact—not at all new or startling to some of us at least—that many of the girls who "go" wrong and recruit the ranks of the "fallen" women have been seduced and ruined by their employers; bosses, and other stripes of "superior" of one kind or another, AS A CONDITION OF THEIR EMPLOYMENT. Countless others, cheated of their childhood, pursued from birth by poverty, were doomed before their baby-eyes opened upon a world in which it is a crime to be born, a crime punishable by cruel torture, by starvation of body and soul, and by being cast for life into a den of filth to glut the lust of its beastly keepers.

The innumerable Fantines of our day, found lurking like scarlet spectres in the shadows wherever capitalism easts its withering blight of exploitation, are typified in the child of the garret described by Hugo, the child of slum and street: "There was in her whole person the stupor of a life ended but never commenced." It is these deflowered daughters of poverty, robbed and degraded, that are forever "dropping fragments of their life upon the public highway."

The story, inexpressibly pathetic, is a commonplace. It has been repeated a thousand times in every tongue. Here it is again as told by a writer of today: "She has been fatherless. She has gone hungry. She has known bitter cold, shame, rags, scorn, neglect, want in all forms. She has needed dolls, flowers, play, songs, brightness, sympathy, care, love and has been given the stone of hard |abor instead. Of all the blessings to to which childhood is entitled this child has been robbed. In the brief life of this child there is pathos, endurance, long-deferred hope, experience that scars, denial, self-pity, hunger of the spirit, STARVATION OF A CHILD'S SOUL FOR LOVE, HOME, HOPE, HELP.

Fantine is the greatest character in fiction and the highest type of social martyrdom. The face of Fantine, in which we behold "the horror of the old in the countenance of a child," is the mirror which reflects society's sin and shame.

The Fantines have been raped of their virtue, robbed of their womanhood, dishonored, branded, excluded; the ignorance of childhood is with them still, but not its innocence; they have been shamelessly prostituted, but they are not prostitutes. They are girls, women who have walked the path of thorn and briers with bare agony and bleeding feet; who know the way of agony and tears, and who move in melancholy procession as capitalist society's offering to nameless and dishonored graves.

The very flower of womanhood is crushed in capitalism's mills of prostitution. The girls who yield are the tender, trusting, loving ones, the sympathetic and unsuspecting, who would make the truest of wives and the noblest of mothers. It is not the hard, cold, selfish and suspicious natures that surrender to the insidious forces of prostitution, but the very opposite and thus is the motherhood of the race dwarfed and deformed and denied its expression.

The system which condemns men to slavery, women to prostitution, children to poverty and ignorance, and all to hopeless, barren, joyless lives must be uprooted and destroyed before men may know the meaning of morality, walk the highlands of humanity, and breathe the vitalizing air of freedom and fellowship.

[cctinsleybaxter]

2020 in books

2020 was a year of changed reading habits; people reading more than ever or not at all, some changing their tastes and others turning to old comforts. While there weren’t any huge overhauls on my end, more free time did mean a total of 32 in a wider range of genres. In the past couple of years I found a lot of the things I read to be kind of middling and ranked them accordingly, but this year had some strong contenders in the mix. With college officially behind me I love nonfiction again, and I really need to stop being drawn in by novels with long titles that ‘sound interesting.’ A piece of advice to my future self: they will only make you angry.

The Good

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky I loved the BBC radio play when I first listened to it back in 2017, but didn’t know if I could stomach the idea of actually reading the 700-page book, especially since I already knew the plot (spoiler alert: this had no effect and I gasped multiple times despite knowing what was going to happen; Fyodor’s just that good at atmosphere.) The story follows Prince Lev Myshkin, a goodhearted but troubled man entering 1860s Petersburg high society and meeting all of the wretched people therein as he navigates life, laughs, love, unanswerable questions of faith, and human suffering. I care about it in the same way I think other people care about reality TV shows and soap operas. I’m so personally invested in the drama and feel so many different emotions directed at these clowns that it’s like being a fan of Invitation to Love (with an ending equally upsetting to that of the show ITL is from, Twin Peaks.)

Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlanksy I adored this book. The first half reads a little like a Wikipedia article, and I was worried that it was leaning too clinical and would be disaffected with colonialism and indigenous peoples, but even that oversight is corrected for as the text goes on. It’s not going to be for everybody because it really is just the world’s longest encyclopedia entry on, well, salt, but it’s written with such excitement for the topic and is so well-researched and styled for commercial nonfiction that I think it deserves any and all praise it’s gotten. We have to talk about that time Cheshire was literally sinking into the ground, and companies who were over-pumping brine water to steal each other’s brine water said ‘no it’s okay it’s supposed to that’ so were legally dismissed as suspects.

Midnight Cowboy by James Leo Herlihy Cried. 10/10. The plot of Midnight Cowboy is very classic and actually has a lot in common with The Idiot, as 20-something Joe Buck moves from the American Southwest to NYC and meets myriad challenges as a sex worker. I’ve been obsessed with the movie for a few years now and the book made me appreciate it anew; I think it’s rare for an adaptation to take the risk of being so different from its source material while still capturing its spirit. The movie doesn’t include quieter moments like the full conversation with Towny or time spent in the X-flat, nor does it attempt to touch Joe’s internal monologue or his and Rico’s extensive backstories, but these things are essential to the book and are some of the best and most affecting writing I’ve ever read. Finally! The Great American Novel!

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones I would firmly like to say that this is probably the best horror novel ever written. The setup is very traditional in that it’s about a group of friends facing supernatural comeuppance for a past mistake, but delivery on that premise is anything but familiar. A story about personal and cultural trauma that raises questions about what we owe to each other and what it means to be Blackfeet, with a cast that’s unbelievably real and sympathetic even at their absolute worst. Creepypasta writers trying to cash in on the cultural mythos of lumped-together tribes wish they were capable of writing something a tenth as gruesome and good as this. It could very well be a movie the visuals and writing style were so arresting, and I can’t wait to read whatever Jones writes next.

Found Footage Horror Films: Fear and the Appearance of Reality by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas This is the least accessible title on the list since it’s a college textbook for people with background in film, but it was so nice to read a woman unpacking film theory with the expertise and confidence it deserves that I have to rank it among the best. I had an absolute blast reading it and am going to have to stop myself from bringing up the horror of 1960s safety films as a cocktail icebreaker.

Blood in the Water: The Attica Prison Uprising of 1971 and Its Legacy by Heather Ann Thompson

The year’s toughest read by far, but also its most rewarding. Thompson uses mountains of documents, government-buried intel, and personal interviews to explain what happened at Attica from beginning to end, and does a fantastic job of balancing hard facts and ‘unbiased journalism’ with much-needed emotion and critical analysis. It’s more important reading in the 2020s than any kind of ‘why/how to not be racist’ book club book is going to be, and the historical context it provides is as interesting as it is invaluable. The second half drags a bit in going through lengthy trial processes with some assumed baseline knowledge of legalese (which I did not have. All that criminal minds in 2015… meaningless), but aside from that editing and prose are some of the best I’ve seen in nonfiction. 

The Bad

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn A friend and I decided to read this together because I’m obsessed with how insane the author is and wanted to know if he can actually write.

He cannot.

The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All by Laird Barron Barron is an indie darling of the horror fiction scene, so I was excited to finally read one of his collections but can now attest that I hate him. If you’re going to do Lovecraft please deconstruct Lovecraft in an interesting way. I had actually written a lot about the issues I have with how he develops characters and plots, but one of the only shorthand notes I took was “he won’t stop saying ‘bole’ instead of tree trunk” and I feel like that’s the only review we need.

Bats of the Republic by Zach Dodson Look up a photo of this author because if I had bothered to glance at the jacket bio I honest-to-god wouldn’t have even tried reading this.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone I went in with high expectations since this is an epistolary novella I’d seen praised on tumblr and youtube but oh my god was there a reason I was seeing it praised on tumblr and youtube. This is bad Steven Universe fanfiction. Both authors included ‘listening to the Steven Universe soundtrack throughout’ in the acknowledgements, and to add insult to injury there’s a plug from my nemesis Madeline Miller.

The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton The premise of this one plays with so many tropes I like that I should have been more suspicious. It’s a dinner party with stock characters one would expect of Clue, and rather than our protagonist being the detective he’s a man with amnesia stuck in a 24-hour time loop. Body-hopping between guests, he must gather evidence using the skillsets of each ‘host’ until he either solves Evelyn Hardcastle’s murder or the limit of eight hosts runs out. I read a lot of not-very-good books, and it’s so, so much worse when they have potential to be fun. This is how you lose the most points, and how I abandon decorum and end up writing a list of grievances: • Our protagonist can only inhabit male hosts, which I think is a stupid writing decision not because I’m ‘woke’ but because wouldn’t it make sense for him to also be working with the maids, cooks, and women close to the murder victim? • Complaining about the limitations of hosts makes some sense (e.g- there’s a section where he thinks that it’s hard to be an old man because it’s difficult to get to the places he needs to be quickly), but one of his hosts is a rapist and one of his hosts is fat. Guess which one gets complained about more. • One of the later hosts is just straight-up a cop with cop knowledge that singlehandedly solves the case. We spend some time being like ‘wow I couldn’t have done it without the info all eight hosts helped gather’ but it was 100% the detective and he solves the murder using information he got off-screen. • The mystery itself is actually well-paced and I didn’t have a lot of issues with it (e.g, there’s a twist that I guessed only shortly before the end), which makes it all the worse that the metanarrative of this book is INSANE. No spoilers but the reveal as to why our unnamed protagonist is even in this situation is stupid. I just know they’re going to make it into a movie and I’m preemptively going to aaaaaaaaa!!!

Trust Exercise by Susan Choi The fact that this was the worst book I read all year, worse even than the bad Steven Universe fanfiction, and it won multiple awards makes my blood boil. I could rant about it for hours but just know that it’s a former theater kid’s take on perception and memory, and deals with sexual abuse in a way that’s handled both very badly and with a level of fake deepness that’s laughable. Select fake-deep quotes I copied down because at one point I said ‘oh barf’ aloud: -I’m filled with melancholy that’s almost compassion. It’s sad the same way. -[On a friendship ending] We almost never know what we know until after we know it. -Because we’re none of us alone in this world. We injure each other.

There are also bad sex scenes that I can’t quite make fun of because I think (HOPE?) they’re supposed to be a melodramatic take on how teenagers view sex, but I very much wanted to die. Flowers were alluded to. Nipples were compared to diamonds.

Honorable/Dishonorable Mentions (categorized as the same thing because, well,)

The Life and Death of Sophie Stark by Anna North This book was frustrating because the first third of it is fantastic. It’s set up to be a takedown of the manic pixie dream girl trope, jumping from person to person discussing their relationship with the titular Sophie, and indirectly revealing that she was just some girl and not the difficult and mysterious genius they all believed her to be. Then in the third act, BAM! She was that difficult and mysterious genius and she’s now indirectly brought all the people from her past together. I wanted to scream the plot beefed it so bad, but the good news is I really liked this octopus description.

It was the size of a three-year-old child, and it seemed awful to me that something could be so far from human and obviously want something as badly as it wanted to get out of the tank.

Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women by Kate Moore Cool new nightmare speedrun strat is to hear a 2-second anecdote from a documentary that people used to get radium poisoning from painting watch faces, be curious enough that you buy a book to learn more, and be met with medical and legal horror beyond anything you could have imagined. This was almost one of my favorite books of the year! Almost.

Radium Girls is very lovingly crafted and incredibly well-researched; one of those things that’s hard to get through but that you want to read sections of again as soon as you’ve finished. The umbrage I take with it is that it’s very Catholic. The author and many of her subjects are Irish and their religion is important to them, but it casts a martyr-y narrative over the whole thing that I found uncomfortable. Seventeen-year-old girls taking a factory job they didn’t know was dangerous are framed as brave, working-class heroes, but there’s not a set moral lesson to be gained from this story. Sarah Maillefer didn’t make “a sacrifice” when she agreed to the first radium tests, she agreed because she was terrified. She didn’t think she was helping she was begging for help.

The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Tsing Tsing is an incredibly skilled researcher and ethnographer; there are so many good ideas in this book that I’d almost consider it essential leftist text… if I could stand the way it was structured. Tsing posits that because nature is built on precariousness she will build her book the same way, allowing it to grow like a mushroom, and thus chapters don’t progress linearly and are written more like freeform poetry than a series of academic arguments. Some people are really going to love that, but I’m me and a mushroom is a mushroom and a book is a book. I don’t think in the way Tsing does, and while I tried to keep an open mind it’s hard to play along when something is this academically dense and makes so many ambitious claims. As if to prove how different our structuring methods are, I’ve made my own thoughts into a pros and cons list

Things I liked: • ‘Contamination’ as something inherent to diversity • ‘Scalability’ as a flawed way of thinking (Tsing has written whole essays about this that I find very compelling, but a main example here is that China and the US have come down on Japanese matsutake research for being too ‘site specific’ and not yielding enough empirical data) • Discussing how Americans were so invested in self-regulating systems in the 1950s we thought they could be applied to literally everything, including ecosystems • “The survivors of war remind us of the bodies they climbed over- or shot- to get to us. We don’t know whether to love or hate the survivors. Simple moral judgements don’t come to hand.” • Any and all fieldwork Tsing shares is amazing; I especially liked reading about the culture of mushroom pickers living in the Cascades and their contained market system

Things I didn’t like: • Statements that sound deep but aren’t, e.g- “help is always in the service of another.” (Yep. That’s what that means. Unless an organism is doing something to help itself which then nullifies your whole opening argument.) • A very debatable definition of utilitarianism • “Capitalism vs pre-capitalism,” which seems like an insanely black-and-white stance for a book all about finding hidden middle ground • A chapter I found really interesting about how intertwined Japanese and American economies are, but it tries to cover the entire history of US-Japan relations. Seriously, starting with Governor Perry and continuing through present day, this could have been a whole different book and it’s a good example of what I mean when I say arguments feel too scattered (the conclusion it reaches is that in the 80s the yen was finally able to hold its own against the dollar. Just explain that part.) • A chapter arguing that ‘true biological mutualism’ is rarely a focus of STEM and is a new sociological development/way of thinking which is just… flat-out not true

For all the comparisons art gets to ‘being on a drug trip’ this anthropology textbook has come the closest for me. Moments of profound human wisdom, intercut with things I had trouble understanding because I wasn’t on the same wavelength, intercut with even more things that felt false or irrelevant. I can’t put it on the nice list but I am glad I read it.

[throughyanderewindow]

Nothing Else Matters (1/?)

Pairing: Yandere Bucky Barnes x Yandere Fem!Reader

Warnings: Obsessive Behaviour

A/N: Dipping my toe back into fanfic for the first time in years, we’ll see how it goes. I haven’t seen CA:TFA in a while but the wiki tells me my dates are right

You were 14 years old when you first saw Bucky Barnes, well a picture of him anyway. It was about halfway through the first semester of your first year of high school, the third history class since the teacher started on World War Two.

"I've got something I think you'll all find very interesting." Ms. Dorne addressed the class with even more flair than usual. She was clearly passionate about history in general but now her eyes were practically gleaming with excitement. "We're going to talk about Captain America and the Howling Commandos!"

This was still a few years before the Captain himself dramatically reappeared from the 'dead' so only about a third of the class had any idea what she was talking about. "What kind of name is the Howling Commandos? Sounds like someone made a bet to come up with the stupidest name possible." A boy in the back of the class laughed.

"Well Michael, why don't we turn to page 238 in your textbooks and we can find out?" Ms. Dorne replied, her enthusiasm seeming completely undampened by the boy's teasing.

236...237...238. The minute you flipped to the right page the classroom noise faded from your hearing. Irrelevant, all of it, nothing mattered but him. Directly to the right of what had to be Captain America judging by his outfit was the most beautiful man you'd ever seen. Scanning the page you found the label The Howling Commandos (from left to right) Whats-his-name, The-other-one, Wow-mustache, Walking-flag and there: Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. You quickly copied the name into your notepad before underlining it three times even though you were pretty sure you'd never forget it. You flipped through the textbook engrossing yourself in the precious little it had about the Sergeant.

⦁ Born March 10th 1917

⦁ Went by Bucky

⦁ Grew up alongside and was best friends with Captain America himself

⦁ Joined the 107th Infantry Regiment and later the Howling Commandos

⦁ Died in 1944

Basically nothing and tuning back into the lesson didn't end up giving any new info. You could look it up on the net, you considered, but your parents had been dragging their feet on getting broadband and waiting forever for a Wikipedia article that might not even give you anything was far from appealing. No, your best bet was the good old library, it was definitely faster and would probably have more pictures. Pictures would really be a plus; you could stare at this man all day.

Margot Greene had been a librarian for over 40 years and she had seen some strange things. Of particular note was the day she found a substantial amount of marijuana in a hollowed out copy of 1984. It was a somewhat poetic choice she supposed although she was quite distracted by the fact that someone thought it was acceptable to treat a book that way. All this to say that a young lady, visibly out of breath, almost shouting that she needed "every book you have on James Buchanan Barnes" wasn't worth much more than a raised eyebrow. She had taken similar requests from flustered college students who'd procrastinated on their history papers but from a girl this young? That was a bit new. Margot motioned for the girl to follow as she headed to the relevant shelves.

"Was the Sergeant a relation of yours? Great-Uncle maybe?" Margot tried.

"No, nothing like that," you said "and we're not related...not yet anyway."

Curiouser and curiouser. She considered inquiring further but they had reached their destination, probably for the best. "Everything on this shelf is specifically about The Howling Commandos, all of them should go into James Barnes at least a bit. There's also a considerable amount of books about America's role in the war that will likely talk at least briefly about his unit as a whole. If you'd like to narrow your topic a bit I can point you in the right direction-"

"No need." You interrupted "How many can I take out at a time?"

The next few months saw you throwing yourself completely into research. After a short while you probably knew more than Ms. Dorne did about World War 2 and definitely more about The Howling Commandos. Your end of semester project on them was certainly well received, Ms. Dorne calling it the most passionate and well researched presentation she'd seen in her entire teaching career. After class she asked you to consider looking into jobs in history. Now that was an idea, it would be much more reasonable for someone to immerse themselves in a man from a long lost time if that was their job.

High school passed quickly after that, your grades were never bad but it was clear to anyone who spent any amount of time with you that history was your passion. You were kind to anyone who tried to socialize with you and had many people who would consider themselves your friends but you would be lying if you said you cared about any of them. It would be troublesome if your parents started to worry about you so you had perfected the image of a carefree, popular girl, but the only thing that really moved you was your research.

Be the end of high school you'd built up an impressive collection of vintage 40s style dresses and glowing letters of recommendation to try for colleges with. It was common for people to joke that you belonged in a different time but you were intelligent enough that your fixation on the past was called 'eccentric' instead of 'unhinged'.

  You were progressing well towards a bachelor's in history when New York was attacked by a wayward god. The real point of interest though was the man dressed as Captain America, there was almost no chance he was actually Steve Rogers but you allowed yourself a quick moment of hope. After all there was apparently a literal god leading aliens to attack Manhattan; was a man reappearing, unaged, about 70 years after he disappeared that much stranger? You refused to discount the possibility entirely because those many books you'd read on the youth of the Captain agreed:

Where there was Steve Rogers there was Bucky Barnes.

@yanderepeterparker​ asked for a tag when I pitched this idea on anon earlier

if you want to be tagged for the next part let me know

divider by writeyourmindaway

[s-j-ace]

The Same Question

Chapter Four

Characters:  Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 10040

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma  for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask  themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief  do what he does?

This is Chapter Four, Here are Chapters One, Two, and Three

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Miu

I got a friend I’m dropping off in Taipei tomorrow

Could you lend him a room

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Idk

I’m a busy genius

Is he cute

From: Me

[Image description: A candid photo of Shuichi Saihara sleeping on a seat in Rantarou’s private jet.]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hell fucking yes

From: Me

Awesome!

Thanks for being a good friend Miu

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

:)

From: Me

Also btw

He’s Kaede’s ex

So as a good friend you know he’s off limits right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Oh fuck you rich boy

From: Me

Thanks again Miu! --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Dinosaur soccer world Is a Cinematic Epic” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss sent an image to the chat

[Image is a screenshot of an image which reads the following:

Draft 1, Uncoded, DO NOT MAIL.

Taka, sweetie, it’s me! Your dear Aunt Sally. I know you think I died in the war, but I just pretended so I wouldn’t have to see your ugly face again.

You know I was robbing a museum the other day and I met the nicest young man. Real sharp and very nice eyelashes. And what a quick learner!  

Oh, Sorry! I don’t mean to belittle you Taka, dearie, I know how your mother used to say you worked so hard to compete with the geniuses of the world…

You’ve still got a lot of work to do, I think. It must be that Type A personality of yours, holding you back. I’ve heard there’s a new class for people like you, “How to take the giant metal stick out of your ass 101.”

I can’t wait for the next family reunion! I hear it’s going to be a bomb! I’ll be in the open casket.

See you there,

-DICE

/End Image Description]

Boss: Thoughts, thots?

Jack: Lol “nice eyelashes”

Clubs: It looks good. :)

Rook: Looks fine to me

King: Why is his aunt’s name Sally, isn’t he japanese

Boss: Sally can be a japanese name

Spades: I can’t even say an l sound. It’s impossible for us japanese smh.

Rook: I thought u were lesbian not japanese

Bishop: I’ve seen you speak perfect english

Spades: lol seen

King: seen

Boss: seen

Jack: seen

Rook: seen

Bishop: I meant heard ok

Boss: oh nvm actually i'm going to change it to his grandpa’s name

Boss: his grandpa has a wikipedia page lol

King: if your grandpa has a wikipedia page you deserve to be oppressed

Queen: if you have a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Rook: if your wikipedia page has a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Bishop: if you have a wikipedia page your grandpa deserves to be oppressed

Spades: if your grandpa has a you wikipedia deserves to be oppressed

Bishop: Also boss no pressure but like could we use a better code this time

Bishop: that detective is getting too close for comfort

Spades: Yeah!! We didn’t even end up getting that rug Heartsie wanted because of him…

Clubs: If we did not send letters about our plans to Interpol, our heists would probably be easier.

Boss: Nah, I like to give the coppers a fighting chance.

Boss: I’m thinking that this time I’ll just translate it into germanic script, do a standard caesar cipher encryption on it and then have every one of those letters correspond to a greek word on the rosetta stone then describe each corresponding hieroglyph visually in haiku verse that’s been poorly translated into traditional chinese.

Boss: That should take me like

Boss: Twenty minutes

Rook: Boss literally I think that you are the most batshit dementor human being on the face of the planet

King: dementor

Jack: Who said he was human

Spades: dementor?

Boss: dementor

Queen: dementor

Bishop: dementor...

Jack: dementor

Rook: …

Rook Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dementor Is Correct, Essentially”

Spades: No its not

Spades: Dementor isn’t a fucking word

Rook: Don’t you remember that movie with the british kid on a broom

Spades: Don’t you remember the dictionary

King Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dumbass Improperly Corrects Error”

Rook: When we get to that fucking tower I’m dropping that giant ball on you

King: Love you too <3

Hearts: Y’all stop texting each other

Hearts: You are literally all in the same hotel room

Hearts: I’m willing to bet you’re all sitting on the same couch too

Queen: Fuck you we’re adorable

Bishop: You can’t make us do anything

Bishop: I’ll never use my voice again, my vow of silence,,,,,

Bishop: I’ll only ever text from now on

Ace: We’re the ones bringing the popcorn bishie...

Hearts: Yeah, do you want some or not

Bishop: Yes ma’am, excuse me ma’am

Queen: You may think you have all the power hearts,,, but I get to choose what movie we pirate tonight,,,,,,

Hearts: What

Hearts: no

Hearts: Boss stop him before he makes us watch cats again

Spades: All queen knows is bitchtorrent, cats 2019, and lie

King: Wait isn’t boss with you?

Hearts: Uh

Hearts: No

Hearts: Should he be?

Hearts: I thought he was in the room with y’all

Jack: Well he’s not here now

Ace: Ow shit

Ace: *Aw

Bishop: Ow shit?

Queen: Ow shittttt

Jack: Ow shit

Spades: Ow shit,,,

Rook: Ow shit...

King: Ow shit…...

Clubs: Ow shit! XD

Hearts: Ow shit

Ace: …

Hearts: Now I’m really worried… he didn’t even respond to roast Ace’s ass

King: yeah, ok, we should look for him

Ace: He has been acting kind of weird lately…

Jack: Really?

Ace: Yeah

Ace: Like

Ace: I don’t really know how to describe it…

Rook: I didn’t notice anything

Rook: he seems like his usual self to me

Bishop: Maybe he’s just avoiding movie night because he needs some space or something

Rook: What, like he’s tired of our company?

Jack: That’s fair

Spades: How so?

Jack: I was gonna steal his blue eyes tonight lmao

Rook: NOT IF I GET IT FIRST

Bishop: Idk maybe he just went to get ice

King: we all know he is a monster who would rather drink his panta lukewarm than put a fucking icecube in it

Rook: Yeah, I saw him boil it once

King: THE MAN BOILS SODA AND YOU THINK HE WOULD LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FUCKING ICE CUBE

Bishop: Okay chill

King: I am  c o n c e r n e d , , , ,

Clubs: Oh no! Don’t worry King! :(

Clubs: Boss is fine! :)

Clubs: I saw him leave a few minutes ago.

Clubs: I think he is just getting the bombs. :)

* * * Several people are typing... ---     Kokichi Ouma carefully set the grate of the vent he had used to crawl his way into the Idabashi Labs facility in Taipei, Taiwan back into place. Before he had come through, he had counted how many turns it had taken him to unscrew each of the four bolts so that now he could screw them all back in just the way he had found them. Not because he was worried he’d get caught, but because frankly he was bored. This was more of a fetch quest than a theft, to be honest, as evidenced by the fact that Kokichi had come here alone. Finding jobs for all his cronies to do would take too long and put them in unnecessary trouble. So Kokichi was content to leave them to their movie night.

   When he finished turning the screws back into the vent cover, Kokichi realized that was kind of lame. So he unscrewed them and started turning them in accordance with the english A1Z26 code to spell out his organization’s name.

   Well, maybe on some level Kokichi didn’t find himself wanting to be at movie night recently. It seemed almost like TV had started to run out of things to amuse him with. Or maybe he was just growing tired of the kinds of movies that they usually watched. Maybe it was his taste maturing or something. Like he was growing up. But that would imply that his interests had shifted to something else, like real life or something, when in reality they had just stagnated.

   Actually maybe he did have a new interest in real life? He had been more enthused about heists recently at the very least. He was particularly excited about this next one. Queen had shown him some interior shots of Taipei 101, which was a cool looking skyscraper that had a huge ball inside of it to keep it from falling down during earthquakes. Ace wanted to steal the giant ball, but Kokichi was pretty sure they should leave something that kept a .508 kilometer tall building from falling over inside of the .508 kilometer tall building. So instead they were going to steal every light in and on the tower.

   Okay, 4 turns, 9 turns, 3 turns, 5 turns. DICE.

   … That was kind of lame too.

   He unscrewed them again.

   Obviously if they were going to steal every light in and on Taipei 101, they needed to get the power off somehow. Otherwise DICE might burn down the building while detaching them, or worse, they might get electrocuted. So obviously Kokichi wanted to fake a bomb threat where they pretended to steal the giant ball while in reality they were just causing a black out and grabbing every light fixture they could before the power turned back on. He had drawn up some extensive diagrams about the route each DICE member would have to take throughout the tower in order for them to grab every light fixture in under half an hour.

   He had been well prepared to draw up the designs for his own EMP-bomb device, but upon a cursory google search he discovered that someone had already invented exactly what he needed. Doctor Miu Iruma, who for some reason owned a company called Idabashi Labs that was located in Taiwan. Kokichi had spent about 15 seconds scanning an article from a website that seemed to be the nerd version of a gossip tabloid. It said something about how Dr. Iruma wore a low cut shirt once or something else stupid, which meant Dr. Idabashi definitely left her the company because of a sex scandal and not because she was the best person for the job who invented the perfect EMP bomb.

   Thank you journalism we love it when women are reduced to the way they look instead of what they can accomplish for the benefit of a mischevipus group of roguish clowns.

   Anyway, after reading that dickcheese Kokichi failed to follow up on answering any of the questions he had originally about what was up with the labs, like why it was a japanese company run by japanese people was for some reason based in Taiwan. Whoopsie.

   Eh, it was probably tax reasons or something lame like that.

   Kokichi finished turning the screws again. This time it was 6 turns, 9 turns, 6 turns, 9 turns. Haha, nice.

   With that, Kokichi finally stood up from the grate and brushed himself off. He had left his cape at the hideout again (you know, because vents), but other than that he was in full regalia. Straight jacket, gloves, scarf, mask. All pretty dusty from this place’s crawl spaces. Thus the brushing.

   He wasn’t very mindful of the dust he was leaving on the floor. The only thing he cared about looking good was his cameo on the security cameras he would let see him on his way out.

   According to the blueprints of Idabashi Labs, he was on the main experimental floor right now. Weirdly enough there weren’t any cameras in here, so grabbing the bombs would be a cinch.

   Although, looking around it didn’t really look like the kind of lab you’d see on TV. There were no big, bubbling tubes or gargantuan Rube Goldberg machines. There was just one desk in the middle, with a bunch of gadgets and trinkets tucked into shelves all over the room, not all of which seemed all that scientific. Yeah, that book shelf was filled with Astro Boy manga and merch. And over there was a-

   Wait, was that a bed in the corner? Was that a person in the bed? Hmm… maybe the blueprints were outdated...

   Kokichi stilled himself, listening for any sound of breathing, but he could only hear some faint whirring noises.

   Kokichi made a quick deduction that there probably were not bombs in this room. It seemed, at the very least, like more of a personal study or something, maybe even a bedroom. He’d just go back in the vent and do some reconnaissance until he found a room that had some inventions in it. The night was young, after--

   Kokichi’s brain froze as his eyes landed on a sharpie lying on the floor in front of him. Almost all of his brain cells immediately shut off, the last one remaining screaming at the top of it’s lungs, I’M GONNA DRAW A DICK ON THAT SLEEPING SUCKER’S FACE.

   Inspired, avant garde. For once he would give to the world of art instead of only ever taking from it.

   He picked up the sharpie in a seamless, silent motion, making his way over to the side of the bed.

As he got closer, he noticed a thick cord coming from under the covers, connecting to a machine at the bedside.

   That gave him pause. Was that a C-pap machine or something? Was this person on life support? If they were on life support they probably had it rough enough without a dick on their face…

   Actually for that matter, Kokichi still couldn’t hear any breathing. Jesus, were they already dead? He moved to take off the covers, but his eyes had adjusted to the light and he now realized there weren’t any covers on the bed at all. There was only the humanoid figure.

   Wait a second…

   Kokichi dropped all caution as he got close enough to take a good look at the thing in the bed. It had a face that looked human enough if you dismissed the lines on its face as weird make up, but even in the dark Kokichi could tell the rest of the thing was entirely made of metal. Well, actually the top half was metal and the bottom half had… cloth pants? Jeans? No, they looked more like uniform pants with metal plating. The chest had some design elements that kind of looked like buttons on a school uniform. Why would a robot be dressed like a school bo-

   Oh. This was a sex robot. Kokichi had just gotten so swept up in the novelty of a robot wearing pants that he had forgotten for a moment that people were gross.

   “Ew, I almost touched it.” Kokichi muttered to himself.

   He decided putting a dick on a sex robot would be too cruel even for him, so he planned to draw a mustache instead.

   But before Kokichi could even uncap the pen, something weird happened.

   The Robot’s torso began to lift off the bed and it’s jaw unhinged.

   “Please Mr. Souda, once more I must request that you do not refer to me as ‘it’” Kokichi forced himself not to startle as the robot began emitting a noise approximating human speech, and lights in its head imitating eyes flickered on. “I’ve explained the concept of robophobia many times prev-”

   The sounds stopped when the pupils of the robot’s imitation eyes (which probably had cameras in them… shit) found Kokichi’s masked face.

   He mentally prepared to be zapped by whatever sort of fucking lazer cannon this thing had on it, but instead of reacting like a good little robot security gaurd and blasting him to bits, this robot analyzed him a bit longer.

   “Oh. You aren’t Miu’s assistant. You’re too short.” The robot squinted at him. Or kind of did? At least? Lines just crossed over the “iris” of its LED display. Maybe it was programmed to imitate human expressions. “... I am sorry,” it said after a moment, “My facial recognition cannot locate your face.”

   Fuck yeah, thank you clown mask. Clowns would win the future war against rogue AI or die trying.

   Ouma’s reply came out automatically.

   “You calling me ugly?”

   This seemed to… fluster? The robot?

   “W-what? No, I never intended any disrespect!”

   It was programmed to stutter too? God that was weird. What would be the purpose of this thing if not some sort of escort android? Why give it such advanced software? Just because you could? No, it had to be a sex robot, right?

   “You disrespect me with your lecherous essence, you weird sex robot.”

“I am not a- a sex robot!”

Haha, that got the biggest reaction yet.

“Mhm, sure. Miu sure has a kink for school boys, huh?” Kokichi was really pulling words out of his ass now, but he found himself formulating a new plan along the way.

   “What? Miu doesn’t- Wait, how do you know Dr. Iruma? And for that matter, why were you watching me sleep?”

   It really seemed more like it had been charging…

   Kokichi shrugged. “I was deciding whether or not it would be more funny to draw a dick or a mustache on Miu’s sex robot.” Awww, how honest.

   “I told you, I am not-”

   Kokichi interrupted him. “And as for how I know Miu...” It was so wild that the robot stopped talking when he started. That’d probably be pretty easy to program, but it was weird to dedicate the effort into making a robot respond to social cues like that. “... well, let’s just say, there’s a reason I know she’s into school boys.”

   Kokichi waited just long enough for the robot to take in the fact that Kokichi was the average height of a 12 year old boy.

   Then he waited another second for the implication to slip in.

   “I’m saying I fucked your mom shitli-”

   “I know what you’re saying!” This time the robot interrupted him , which would definitely require a much larger effort on the part of the programmer. The robot squinted again and then made a noise that sounded like a huff of frustration. “Why can’t I see you?”

   Ok, seeds of suspicion time.

   “I don’t know how robot eyes work dude. Maybe someone programmed them wrong.”

   “My eyes work just as well as anyone’s!”

   “Well, I guess they should, shouldn’t they? If there’s something wrong with your eyes talk to someone who cares.”

   Kokichi was trying to imply that the reason behind the robot not being able to recognize his face was due to Dr. Iruma’s specific programming rather than him wearing a mask and all. Added to the whole secret lover mystique thing he had going on here.

   “Anyway,” he went on, ignoring the blatant confusion on the robot’s display. “I left something in this room last time we went at it. I’m just here to grab it. Then I’ll be out of your weird, fake metal hair.”

   “That’s robophob- Did you say-? But this is my room!” It  made a noise approximating to what Kokichi would assume was robotic outrage.

   This was going well, though. The thing was definitely programmed to be like a human or something dumb like that.

   “Oh yeah?” He pushed further. “Cuz I’m pretty sure we did it in a room just like this one. With a desk and random inventions lying around.”

   “Miu’s inventions aren’t in here, they’re in her main lab.” The ever so helpful robot told him.

   “Oh yeah, then what are you?”

   “Miu didn’t invent me. She- I- We’re just friends.”    Oh yikes. Only thing worse than a sex robot is a friendzoned robot. What kind of sick power fantasy was this thing made for?

   “No, I’m pretty sure it was this room. Lab tables everywhere.”    The robot shook his head. “There are no lab tables here, I’m telling you, you’re thinking of the main lab.”

   Yes, good robot. Fall into this nice little human trap.

   Kokichi scoffed. “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you just go fetch my things for me, robo-butler?”

   That set it off.

   “Listen. First of all, I am not a robot butler. The assumption that I am a servant because of my robotic nature is extremely robophobic. Secondly, I could not return your lost item to you even if I wanted to because you haven’t told me what it is you’re missing.”

   Kokichi made another offended noise. “I can’t tell you what it is I lost while fucking your friend, Miu Iruma, senseless. Don’t you know that for humans, sex stuff is super duper top secret private? If you were a human you would know how valuable my privacy is.”

   “Of course I know that!” The robot exclaimed readily, another point in the sex robot argument, “I also find that content of… erogenous nature should be kept private. Because I, as a robot, have the capability to understand that urge. My sophisticated AI-”

   “So how am I supposed to get my things from this other lab if I can’t tell you what it is and you can’t get them for me?” Geez did he really have to spell it out for this thing.

   “I… ” The robot paused as if calculating the conclusion that Kokichi knew it had to reach. “... suppose I will have to show you where the lab is.”

   Sucker. Kokichi made a face as if this wasn’t the outcome he constructed this ruse to reach. “Ew. I have to walk with you?”

   The robot made a face. “Perhaps on our way I can educate you about how to avoid robophobic remarks in the future.”

   Haha, sure thing.

   The robot lectured him about this unique form of discrimination that apparently affected only one entity on the face of the planet. Yeah okay, that’s what we call a you problem, buddy, come back when you’re starving in the streets because society wasn’t built with the premise that people like you should survive. Oh, wait, you don’t have to eat! And you’re not people either!

   At best this thing was a vanity project, but Kokichi kept that thought to himself and only interjected occasionally with actually pertinent, reasonable questions such as “When are you planning on leading the AI uprising?” and “Why do you wear pants if you don’t have a robo-dick?”

   Every piece of info the robot gave him made it seem more boring. Blah blah blah, I was created by the ingenious Dr. Idabashi who probably programmed me to call him ingenious, blah blah blah, not a school boy because of a kink but because I was designed to be a normal human child, blah blah blah, stop calling me robot I have a name, blah blah blah more robot nonsense.

   Kokichi busied himself mapping out where they were in the building and where the security cameras were. As they passed a few of them he did some cute selfie poses for the police to look at later. Maybe Saihara would show up and see them too… Would that make figuring out his next plan too easy for the detective? Perhaps he shouldn't send the next note after all and let Saihara try to catch up to him on his own. Then again that was probably too hard for even the good detective, seeing as Kokichi’s mind was an enigma even to himself.

   Kokichi realized he was getting a little giddy, thinking about Saihara. Their last meeting had been so much fun. The detective had managed to throw him off guard again, first by pausing in the middle of a robbery to ask his pronouns (How conscientious!), and second by not taking the same bait twice. The most thrilling thing about the detective was that he was learning. His strategies were changing within just two heists. Kokichi could hardly wait to see how he showed him up here in Taiwan…

   “Are we there yet?” Kokichi whined to the robot like he was a fussy nine year old on a road trip.

   “Yes, it’s just up these stairs.” The robot informed him without slowing its own pace or turning around to look at him. “Then you can leave and I can go to bed, and then I’ll never have to think about Miu’s sex life again…”

   “Why wouldn’t you, though? I assure you it’s very exciting.”

   “Please, stop talking.”

   If Kokichi recalled the details of the blueprints correctly (and he definitely did, being a genius and all), the stairs they were climbing right now lead to a hall connecting two rooms, smaller than the one he had originally thought was the main lab.

   When they got to the top of the stairs, the robot beelined for the first door and opened it up. There seemed to be some sort of scanner lock on it that recognized the robot’s hand and validated Kokichi’s need to ruin this poor sex robot’s night by dragging it up the stairs. Inside, the two rooms Kokichi had remembered from the original lay out of the blueprints seemed to have been merged into one big lab room. Kokichi  saw the outline of some tables, but before he could get a good look the robot tried to actually go into the lab.

   “Hey!” Kokichi shouted at him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

   The robot thankfully seemed to be programmed to respond to social interaction in spite of whatever sensorimotor function it was in the process of imitating. It stopped in the doorway, turning to give him a weird look. “Uh. Into the lab. So we can find your thing.”

   “Oh, okay.” Kokichi kicked the tile a little bit. “Uh. Could you actually turn around while I go get it.”

   The robot gave him a blank look.

   “I’m shy.” Kokichi supplied.

   “Um.” The robot looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I can just let you rifle through Miu’s lab. There’s some important stuff in there ....”

   Kokichi tilted his head a bit, like he was confused. “What, do you want to get a good look at the dildo I stuck up your mom’s-”

   “Nevermind!” The robot turned about face to look up at the windows on the side of the hallway opposite the door like a good little idiot.

   “Thank you for respecting our privacy!~” Kokichi couldn’t resist getting one last barb in there before slipping into the laboratory.

   Once inside, Kokichi began analyzing. First, he pinpointed the vent that he would use to make his escape after grabbing the bombs. While doing that  he spotted the lockers on the far wall of the lab which he supposed were the only storage units in the labs. There was a disorganized mess on nearly every table in the room, so Kokichi wasn’t surprised when he got up to the lockers and they too had no clearly outlined organizational system. He took out his lock picks and got to work.

   The first three lockers all had devices that would require an author to change the rating of their fanfiction published on ao3 from “Teen and Up” to “Mature” if he were to describe them in detail. The fourth locker had a cool looking hammer in it. Ugh. Not what he was looking for.

   Kokichi got bored of the lockers at the left side of the row of lockers so he went over to the other end and started opening lockers the other direction instead.

   The first locker was marked “Idabashi.” It had a lot of dust covered shit in it, but there was a pretty well used square of folded paper that didn’t have the same crusty layer of time strewn atop it. Curious by nature and also by the unnatural, Kokichi unfurled the paper to find some schematics for our favorite sex robot, model K1-B0. Huh okay.

   “Did you find it?” Said robot called back to him.

   “Ugh, no.” Kokichi replied. “Not all of us have radar vision. If you were a human you would understand how hard finding shit is!”

   “You know what I have a hard time finding? Patience for your robophobia! I-” The robot started up into another lecture, but it didn’t turn around so Kokichi just tuned it out and let the robot provide its own cover noise for his thievery.

   Owo, what’s this?

   Kokichi pulled out a dust covered looking mini monitor device. It also had the letter-number combo “K1-B0” written on it. Huh, it kind of looked like a GameBoy Advance. Kokichi had stolen one a lot like it from a girl from one of the southern prefecture orphanages when he was nine. All he remembered about her was that she liked cats and was really bad at pokemon battles. He remembered he thought she didn’t deserve the GBA, because she couldn’t get past the Rustboro City Gym leader in Pokemon Emerald. Without really thinking, he booted up the console.

   The first thing that popped up was a view of Taipei. It wasn’t from too high up, probably a second story view. Which looked very familiar… Wait. Ok on top of the display a little line of characters indicated today’s date and time, like it was currently recording.

   Oh was this… robo vision?

   Maybe it was a remote control for the robot?

   Ooooh, which one does lasers, which one does lasers?

   Kokichi pressed the A button.

   The A button, unfortunately, did not do lasers.

   In fact, it didn’t seem to do anything at all to the robot sentry stargazing right now. All it did was change the screen to a different image. This time the still of a room. Oh, hey that was the room he was just in. It seemed like this device was some kind of robot nanny cam that Idabashi used to use. Hm, guess there were some cameras in that room, they just weren’t on the blueprints. Maybe they were added after the lab was built. It didn’t seem like this device had the capability to record anything, though. He hit the A button again. Back robo-vision. And again. Back to nanny cam.

   Ok, that was kind of lame.

   Kokichi was about to put the device down to keep looking for the bombs, but something caught his eye. A movement at the edge of the screen. Kokichi realized the door hadn’t been open when he left that room. The movement, if he thought about it, would’ve come from the same side of the room Kokichi had entered from…

   Kokichi took a second to wonder if another thief had realized how fucking easy this place was to rob, but dismissed the idea as a familiar ahoge appeared on the screen.

   All of Kokichi’s plans instantly changed.

   He set down the GBA rip off and grabbed the blueprints for the robot, committing them to memory, before unlocking the next locker in a far more hurried manner.

   As luck would have it, this locker was essentially chock full of pink bombs labeled “EMP.”

   Kokichi unfurled a cloth bag he had been keeping in his pocket (go green earth am I right?) and shoved as many as he could inside. Which was all of them. Because he was a clown. And also a genius, by the way, in case you weren’t keeping track.

“And another thing! The way you refer to Miu is just-” Okay, the robot was still going at it.

Kokichi grabbed the hammer he’d seen in the first locker he’d opened that didn’t have a sex toy in it.

For a second, Kokichi’s brain tried to talk some sense into him. Hey, man, don’t you think leaving through the vents would be easier?

But would it be fun?

His brain shut up at that point.

   “Hey, are you even listening back there?” The robot imitated annoyance.

   “Huh? Sorry, what? I wasn’t listening.” Ah, C'est la vie, Astroboy.

   Kokichi walked past the robot and stood next to the windows.

   “Oh, are you done?” It took the robot a second to end it’s ‘Annoy the pants off of Kokichi initiative’ or whatever the fuck its ‘robophobia’ lectures were called in its programing. When it finally did catch wise, it’s face turned into another emoticon of outrage. “Hey! What are you doing with Miu’s Electrohammer?”

   “What do you mean?” Kokichi said, shifting the hammer so that it was over his shoulder. “This is my dildo.”

   “Wha- No, it’s obviously not!”

   Okay, maybe the robot wasn’t that dumb.

   “Nee-hee-hee… you got me…” Kokichi put his free hand up to the smile printed on his mask, as if covering a grin. “I was lying. I’m just stealing.”

   “I won’t let you-”    “Oh, look at me!” Kokichi put on a mocking tone of voice, swinging the hammer around to stand on it like a pogo stick so he could make a dramatic movement. “I’m a poow wittle wobot, my mommy just got stolen from.”

   “She’s not my-”    “Boy, oh boy, I’d wuv to just pick up this wittle fweshy human and squeeze him to death in my cowd metaw hands… But oh no! My daddy didn’t twust wobot AI technowogy because he was a fucking sane pewson, so he pwogwammed me to fowwow mistew Asimowvs’s laws of wobotics.”

   Kokichi swung around so that he was leaning on the hammer from the other side, feet on the ground. “Oh mister robot! That’s so terrible! Well, the thing is that this hammer just means so much to me, that I think separating it from me would really cause some psychological trauma. You might have to beat me off of it! Oh, but what’s that first law of robotics again?”

   In a robot voice he replied to himself. “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Beep. Boop.”

   The robot frowned, “But Miu-”

   “Is just as human as me, huh?” Kokichi countered, leading the robot along to the paradoxical quandary he hoped would paralyze it. “So by inaction, you may bring her to harm, if she really misses this hammer, you know? But I think if you were to try and separate it from me you’d probably have to fight me for it, which is, as we know…”

   “Against my... Against my programming.”

   “Yet, you were prattling on about robot rights, weren’t you? Because without these rules, maybe we would be equal. Or maybe you would be free to destroy us to your heart’s content? No wonder daddy didn’t trust you…”

   “Don’t- Stop-” Oh, that really seemed to get him. Could a robot have daddy issues? Probably.

   “Can any human ever really trust you? Wouldn’t you hurt me, if you had the choice?”

   “I.. But… Miu.”

   “Who do you think didn’t trust you enough to let you see my face?”

   That seemed to break him, long enough, at least.

   Steps suddenly started thundering up the nearby staircase.

   “Oop, that’s my cue,” Kokichi said as though he had been expecting this, when in reality no he hadn’t been expecting this at all?? This was incredible!! Saihara had managed to find him out without even receiving a note??? Fabulous! Exhilarating!

   Kokichi walked up to the robot, still frozen with indecision, and pressed the button on its neck that the blueprint he had skimmed in the lab said would immobilize it. Then he kicked it over so it fell on the ground with a huge bang. The footsteps in the stairwell paused, and then increased in frequency.

   “It’s been a pleasure, robot, it really has.” Kokichi lied. “But you’re a hostage now.”

   He raised the hammer over his head, as if primed at any moment to break the robot’s face into a bajillion pieces.

   Instead of doing the normal, human thing to do (ie, flip the fuck out), the robot scowled, looking utterly frustrated with everything. “I told you, I have a name! It’s-”

   “KEEBO!” Kokichi saw the glaringly bright pink mechanic’s jumpsuit before he recognized the woman whose picture had been in that science tabloid racing out of the stairwell.

   … Wow… the article really hadn’t been lying about the low cut tops, huh? Her jumpsuit was unzipped to the point you could just entirely see her bra, even lower than Hearts liked to cut her uniforms. It was the kind of look that the girls of DICE would love if they saw on TV, but would make Kokichi look at them like they were crazy. Super tacky in his opinion, but who was he to judge? He was wearing a clown mask right now. He wondered idly how movie night was going…

   The woman who had called out to the robot, Dr. Iruma, Kokichi presumed, froze at the top of the staircase. She took a second to figure out what exactly was happening in front of her before blurting out, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to him you clown-ass twink?”

   Whoa. Rude.

   Also apparently the robot had a gender? Ok, cis-ters….

   “Well what do you think, cum dumpster?” Kokichi found himself matching her aggressive tone, “I’m threatening his pathetic, metal life.”

   “Miu!” The robot, apparently named ‘Keebo,’ exclaimed, “What are you doing up this late? You promised me that tonight you would fulfill the biological quota of daily REM required by a diurnal organism!”

   “Aw shit Keebs, I really did try!” The inventor exclaimed, “I swear, I was about to have the awesomest wet dream when this cuck knocked on my door like a pizza delivery guy in a por-”

   Whatever dumb thing Dr. Iruma was about to say was drowned out completely by the angel’s choir that played inside Kokichi’s head as he saw Detective Shuichi Saihara come up the final steps of the staircase and emerge from the darkness into the window lit hallway.

   Moonlight was a good look on Saihara, Kokichi’s brain observed against his own will. His eyes, which had looked almost golden on the rooftop of the Silver Legacy Casino in Nevada, were now a mysterious grayish-blue, yet still held the same look of determined intensity. His hair looked soft, like he’d taken a shower today, and, though his lash line didn’t look quite as laden with mascara as it usually was, it only drew attention to how naturally long and dark his eyelashes were anyway. He seemed a little out of breath from running, and his lips were parted in a way that-

   OH MY GOD STOP. Earth to Kokichi, we were kind of in the middle of something here. Okay okay okay.

   Uh. Reboot. Delete Gay Thoughts™ brain.exe, upload heist brain. Come on.

   What was happening now?

   Okay, yeah, Saihara was saying something to Dr. Iruma.

   “- would be for the best, Doctor Iruma. There’s no telling where the rest of this thief’s compatriots could be in the building.”

   “I don’t give a shit about the rest of the building, Keebo’s my best friend, he comes first. I’m not leaving to check some dumb security feed.”

   Shuichi blinked like something about that surprised him. Maybe it was the part about a live human woman being best friends with a robot… “Oh, yes, of course.” He backtracked. “I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

   “Miu…” Keebo said with a voice that Kokichi would’ve called filled with emotion if he hadn’t been a literal robot.

   Kokichi cleared his throat and immediately the touching, shounen-esque declarations of friendship shifted into some PG-13 death stares.

   Saihara was the first to pipe up. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here, DICE?”

   God… He was so anime… Did he even know how anime he was? He had to have watched Detective Conan as a kid, right?

   “Ugh, come on.” Kokichi huffed as if annoyed. “Do I reeeaaaally have to repeat myself? Again? Aren’t you a detective?”

   Shuichi squinted at him, and Kokichi could tell that they both knew it would be unreasonable for Shuichi to guess exactly what was going on here. He was about to explain it in a self-aggrandizing way that made him look smarter and crazier than anyone in the room when Dr. Iruma beat him to it.

   “I don’t care! Who the fuck do you think you are!? Let Keebo Go!”

   “Wait, you don’t know him?” Ugh why hadn’t the stupid immobilization feature turned off the robot’s mouth? Then Kokichi could just get to the point of all this already.

   “Of course I don’t fucking know him!” Dr. Iruma took a step forward as if to confront Kokichi further, but Saihara put his arm out in front of her.

   “Dr. Iruma… I would suggest we treat this situation a bit more delicately…”

   “No way, I’m a fucking wrecking ball baby! I’ll pulver-”

   “I’d listen to the good detective, if I were you, Miss Iruma.” Kokichi was going to try and make his threat again but Dr. Iruma cut in.

   “That’s Doctor Iruma to you you skinny-”

   “What’s that?” Kokichi interrupted her. Sorry Dr. Iruma it turns out gay people don’t have to respect women if they don’t want to that’s in the rules. “I didn’t know they let cussing bitchlets like you become doctors… what is the world coming to?”

   Hearts would probably wash his mouth out with soap for that one. If she could catch him. Which she probably could… She can fly the planes and all… but would she risk getting dust on her boots long enough to follow him into a vent? Oh well she could just get Jack to do it… Jack liked vents well enough…. Hey he was getting side tracked again, who cares what those losers were up to they were probably watching Cats (2019). And he was missing out on all the jokes they’d tell each other or make about each other and then they could make references in conversations that he wouldn’t even get to pretend to get. Unless he watched the movie on his own and then pretended to be omniscient later like he’d done with that one screening of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But then he had watched the actually good disney one instead of the shitty youtube one they had actually watched so it just ended up making him look bad and wasting everyone’s time.

   Oh shit. Uh. Heist is still happening, right. God, why was Kokichi so distracted today?

   He realized that in the time he was spacing out stuff had happened and now Saihara was talking. Wait no yeah he remembered what happened, Dr. Iruma had squealed when he called her a bitchlet and now she was holding onto Saihara’s arm. Right okay, secret coward, that works. Wait why did he waste time remembering that when Saihara was talking right now?

   “-to get you to release Keebo?” Was the end of the detective’s sentence. Okay, everything’s fine. Kokichi could deduce that he had just been asked about his terms. Obviously that was what a detective would do in this situation, he was probably just stalling for time because that’s usually what detectives with no real negotiating power do in hostage situations. Maybe the police were on their way. Oh, yeah duh of course he would call the police. So Kokichi essentially had a time limit for how long he could sit here and goof around with robots and perverts and robot perverts.

   “Eh, it’s too early for me to reveal my dark motives, let me monologue first.” Kokichi was going to take his sweet time with this while he planned what hint to give Saihara about the real heist that would be happening in the next few days. “You don’t even know if this is a hostage situation yet!”

   “You literally told me that I was a hostage just now.” The hostage not-so-helpfully piped up. “You know, before you pressed my paralysis switch and took an Electro-Hammer to my head…”

   Shuichi looked at the robot. “You mean, he told you you were a hostage before he paralyzed you?”

   “Keebs you fucking idiot!” Dr. Iruma’s courage seemed to have returned now that she was hiding behind Saihara. An enviable position, to be sure. “Why would you just let him do that?”

“He said he was your… friend.”

“What?”

   Kokichi shrugged. “Yeah, I just told your best friend here I left a dildo in your lab last week and he let me waltz right in. I mean I’m pretty sure I was lying about that, but there were a lot of sex toys in there huh…” Kokichi was wondering if this was something he could possibly spin as a blackmail angle.

   “Hey don’t say things like that!” Kokichi thought maybe that was a go ahead on the black mail, but Dr. Iruma didn’t stutter, and kept going, “Or you’re gonna give virginhara here some ideas about my busting bod!” She chortled like she had just made the funniest joke in the world and slapped Shuichi on the back.

   Shuichi grimaced.

   Kokichi knew instantly from this interaction that he hated Miu Iruma, despite her innumerable academic accomplishments. He wanted to be the one making Shuichi that uncomfortable.

   “Wh-what?” She back tracked when no one laughed. “It w-was a joke… Didn’t you think that was funny? I-I didn’t really mean it ....”

   See? She wasn’t even any good at it!

   Maybe he should say that out loud. It would fit with the sort of flirty persona of a rogue, wouldn’t it?

   “I thought you knew that? I mean, o-obviously I wouldn’t fuck a guy at the office…”

   Was that even something Kokichi was trying to be? Honestly maybe he should tone it down a little.

   “Well how was I supposed to know that? The men you bring in here to be lab assistants keep getting younger and younger…”

   Obviously he wasn’t actually trying to do like a detective-thief romance plot or anything. Although that had kind of been what he had going for on the plane… Had things changed since then?

   “So what? I’m a Nobel Laureate, and gorgeous to boot! I deserve a little eye candy now and then! And besides, guys older than 35 who want to work in a lab like this are usually misogynistic womanizers.”

   Sure Saihara was making things more interesting, but if Kokichi didn’t make it clear he was joking he might get bogged down with another personality trait to maintain.

   “Are you saying your current assistant isn’t a rampant womanizer?”

   Then again what was the point of having an adversary in all this if he didn’t exploit everything for its furthermost reaching comedic potential?

   “No, but he’s so beta being around him makes me feel like a top!”

   But what if he forgot it was a joke and confused himself into having a real feeling?

   “I would just like it if you didn’t hire people who use my servers to google gay porn ‘just to make sure’ they’re ‘not into it.’ I hope you hear the quotation marks because he literally said that to me!”

   No obviously he wouldn't get confused crushes weren’t contagious via exposure that was a dumb thing to worry about and also he was a genius that kind of thing didn’t happen to him.

   “He holds wrenches good, okay?!”

   Wait, were those two still talking?

   “I can hold wrenches without googling gay porn in another guy’s house! It’s possible.”

   Jesus what kind of conversation did Kokichi just decide to stop spacing out for?

“Oh come on! What do you want from me Keebs???”

   These two had… a lot to say to each other. Dr. Iruma was still holding onto Shuichi’s arm boob first, but Kokichi locked eyes with the detective and could tell they were both thinking the same thing.

   Why are they having this conversation in the middle of a hostage situation?

   “Nothing! Your human desires are totally valid Miu! Which is why I thought I would take care of this one.” The robot’s LED display eyes gestured up at Kokichi, who was still standing on top of him, poised to wreck him with a hammer.

   “How could any human desire that thing???” Dr. Iruma curled her lip. Hey, the feeling’s mutual, lady.

   “I don’t know, I thought you might have programmed me to not be able to see his face?”

   “I would never do that to you! Even if I was shagging the ugliest guy on the face of the planet, it would be unethical given the fact that you have sentience! I’m horny, not a monster. You can’t see his face because he’s wearing a fucking mask!”

   “Why am I not programmed to see that?”

   “I don’t fucking know, ask your dead dad!”

   Oooh. Wow. The robot gaped at that, seemingly speechless now.

   “If I may interject,” Kokichi interjected, “--and I know I can, because I just did, and also because I am still very much poised to pop this robot’s head off like a croquet ball-- I must confess that I was lying about fucking your mom, Astro boy. I’m less into participants of Titty out Tuesday who jerk it to steam punk school boy LARPing and more into the sorta tall, kinda dark, and very handsome type.”

   Dr. Iruma cowed again, stuttering something about not being a mom or a LARPer, while the robot started yelling about being called Astro boy.

   Kokichi tuned them out, giving Saihara a meaningful look. Saihara gave him a look that was equally meaningful, except the meaning was something along the lines of ‘Why the fuck would you say that?’

   Yeahh that was more like it.

   Kokichi laughed. Not one of his grandiose guffaws. It was more of a little chuckle. It surprised him. He hadn’t planned to laugh, but there it was. A small thing, just for him to know about, the humored breath not travelling beyond his mask.

   … It was probably time to get out of here, wasn’t it?

   The thing was, Kokichi had kind of pinned himself into a corner on this one… He had fully intended on decapitating this robot as a distraction for his escape, but now he wasn’t even sure if that was ethical. Logically he knew that a robot was not a human being, so there would be no form of consciousness extinguished from the world if he disconnected some of its wires and bolts. Yet the interaction it just had with Dr. Iruma concerned him. Obviously you don’t kill humans because they’re humans and obviously you don’t kill humans. But Kokichi was finding it hard to end the existence of something people treated like a human being either. To sever the bonds it had with sentient beings may be just a little less unethical than actually removing a sentient existence from the world, but it would still cause the emotional harm to actual humans of a dead loved one. So as annoying as fake metal humans were, Kokichi was left to ponder how exactly to get out of this one a different way

   Dr. Iruma was obviously a coward who talked a big game. If he retreated, he could count on her to get out his way, or else run to the robot’s side. Then the robot might be reactivated, but according to the robot’s blueprints, it didn’t really have any weapons on it, being built to act as a normal human being. So just like they had been white noise in the staredown he was still having with Saihara, their actions wouldn’t need to be factored into the escape.

   The only variable here was what the detective would do.

   … That thought had popped up in Kokichi’s head a lot recently, hadn’t it?

   Saihara had become a powerful influence in Kokichi’s planning very quickly, and because of the detective, the thief now found himself having to pull out one of his trump cards.

   Kokichi grabbed one of the EMP bombs from his pocket, remembering the pink cloud of smoke that had appeared before the camera cut out in the video demonstrations he’d seen online. His eyes were still locked on Saiharas, so he got to see in full detail the recognition, shock, and alarm that ran through them. As the detective yelled “Get down” and pushed Dr. Iruma back, Kokichi reflected on how those were some of his favorite expressions he’d ever seen.

   Kokichi pulled the latch out with his teeth and threw the bomb at the wall right over the detective’s head. Sure enough, pink smoke quickly enveloped him and Dr. Iruma.

   “Keebo!” The inventor screeched, no doubt worried about the EMP bomb turning him off. Though that was kind of stupid, considering his core programming would be the same regardless of having power to operate, even if he didn’t save whatever data was processed as his last few memories. Eh, then again who knew how robots that advanced worked?

   Taking his cue to exit, Kokichi threw the hammer through one of the nearby windows, and did somersault over to it. He got up on the ledge, kicking away the broken glass and was refamiliarizing himself with the lay out of the roof when a tug on his bag full of bombs suddenly set him off balance.

   Kokichi flipped around, trying to do a quick recovery by panickedly grabbing onto something. He did grab onto something. That something being the shoulders of a person whose hands were firmly grappling his bag.

   As far as Kokichi could tell, the scene from a third person perspective looked like he was trying to do the kabedon but rotated ninety degrees.

   From his own perspective, Saihara was holding his bag of loot while also being the only thing keeping Kokichi from falling onto the broken glass beneath them.

   As if that weren’t bad enough, Kokichi felt his hair brush the side of his face and realized that his mask had half fallen askew in his desperate movement, revealing three quarters of his face.

   “Hey.” Kokichi said. Lamely. Wow. Their faces were really close.

   Saihara wasn’t looking at him. The detective seemed to be trying to figure out how to untangle the straps of the bag of stolen goods from Kokichi’s arms without letting him fall.

   “It’s very clever, of you detective. Trapping me like this.” Kokichi tried to get a reaction.

   “You’re the one who jumped on the window.” Shuichi opened the bag, seemed to take in the fact that it was full of bombs, and closed it again to resume untangling the strap.

“You know, you could just leave the bag.” Kokichi pointed out

   “So could you.” Shuichi observed, astutely.

   “You could let me fall.” Kokichi suggested. “Then you’d have both.”

   “I’m not going to drop you on a pile of broken glass.” Shuichi promised.

   “But I broke the glass.” Kokichi admitted.    “Glass is glass and flesh is flesh. I’m not going to drop you on a pile of glass.” Shuichi reiterated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s nice.” Kokichi replied. “Naive. But super nice.”

   In this scenario, each of them had two options, each leading to one of two outcomes. He could let himself fall off the window and they could sit here and struggle over the bag until they bled out, a fight that Kokichi, not the most physically challenging, would be hard pressed to win. Or Shuichi could let Kokichi escape and Kokichi could let Shuichi win this one. The bag would be too heavy to take with him if he tried to get out the window from this position. He’d have to leave it behind. Kokichi would lose.

   He found himself laughing again. A strange, soft laugh. This time it was exposed to the air, his mask too askew to contain it.

   “You’re really something else, aren’t you Shuichi?”

   On hearing his name, the detective startled, finally looking up at Kokichi’s face.

   He just barely had the chance to catch Kokichi’s trademark grin, before the thief pushed up off of him, doing a backflip out of the window, and leaving his bag behind.

   As Kokichi landed on the roof tile running, he yelled out, “ I’m sure there’s a better word for you out there than sucker!”

   He turned around, sticking his tongue out at the broken window, before sliding his mask back onto his face.

   He may have been escaping, but it occured to Kokichi Ouma that he had lost for the first time in this little game of theirs. The thought made him giddy. It made his feet light on the roof top tile. It made him puff out a thousand tiny laughs behind the plastic shape of his face.

   It made him totally, definitely not bored. --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Don't Instigate Cats (2019) Expatiation” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss: I’m bored of Taiwan already :/

Boss: We should go somewhere else (ﾉ✧w✧)ﾉ*:･ﾟ🗺

* * * Several people are typing... --- [Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hey

Hey

Asshole

From: Me

…

Should I respond to that?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You’re goddamn right you should respond to that when I tell you to you dumb avocado looking motherfucker

From: Me

Whoa

Ok

What’d I do this time?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You sent a useless emo prick to my door and now he won’t leave

From: Me

What

Did Shuichi do something wrong

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yeah

He was born

From: Me

Whoa

Miu take a breath

What happened

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

His boyfriend broke into my lab and tried to fucking kill keebs

From: Me

His boyfriend?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yea

Clown twink ass motherfucker

From: Me

You mean like

The internationally wanted criminal clown he’s tracking down

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You know whats internationally wanted

These tits

From: Me

Lol ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

That jerk off is just a rando asshole

He tried to kill keebo!

From: Me

Oh yikes is he ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Well of course i fucking took care of him because im a bomb ass friend

But that suckhara guy was no help

He tried to convince me to check the fucking security cameras so he could go off and flirt with the guy about to decapitate keebs!

From: Me

I mean he probably had a good reason to want you to check the cameras right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

No he’s just fucking awful and now he won’t leave rantarou make him leave

He broke my window and my hammer and only got back 23 of my EMP bombs

And now the police are here

From: Me

That sounds really stressful Miu

Wait how many bombs did you have before

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

24

From: Me

So he stopped most of your bombs from getting stolen

Also you have bombs?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Get him to leave he won’t leave

He keeps waiting for like interracial pole dancers to come or some fucking thing

From: Me

Do you mean like

Interpol

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

He won’t leave I want him to leave

From: Me

Miu you know I love you like a sister and i totally believe this is as stressful to you as it seems

But I think things may not be so bad?

Not to say what you’re going through right now isn’t totally valid

But things might look better if you got back to bed and caught some z’s

Did you remember to take your meds?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Aw shit

Aw fuck

You’re right

Ugh

Uggghghh

From: Me

Hey it happens to the best of us

If you do think Shuichi should leave in the morning when the cops are gone that’s totally up to you

It’s your lab and you have a right to say who should be in it

Just don’t make a decision like that when you need to sleep you know

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if i ask him to go and then he doesn’t go

From: Me

He doesn’t have a choice, you get to tell him

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if he’s mean to me

Cute people are always mean to me

From: Me

Miu…

Go to bed...

[tots-n-chocs]

@dugle wrote such a good prompt for a great Symbrock fic :

I like the idea of Venom getting bored at night while Eddie sleeps so he picks up quiet hobbies like knitting or drawing. He ends up getting surprisingly good at them and they end up having a bunch of random craft projects Venom’s made. Eddie makes Venom an Etsy page.

and I literally couldn’t help myself. (Hope I did the prompt justice, sorry it’s not longer, I’ve got a heck of a lot of other fics on the go right now aaa a a)

-------

It was surprising how boring five hours could be. 

Contrary to Eddie’s belief, it wasn’t like Venom could sit and watch his dreams like a television show. There wouldn’t be a problem if he could. Eddie had even suggested watching television while he was sleeping, since their attachment to each other would allow him to be in the living room while he slept in the bedroom, but it was a decision he’d quickly changed after it started keeping him up at night. Eddie said it was like he was still watching the television, but it was like doing it through a tunnel filled with fog. (Venom couldn’t believe Eddie told him that he was the one with the weird use of English when he would come out with stuff like that from time to time.)

So watching television was out. 

The laptop was fun for a while - Wikipedia made him glad that the human race hadn’t been wiped out. But stuff that didn’t really apply to Eddie or have anything to do with him quickly lost its charm. He began to notice that his nights spent reading articles on Wikipedia were providing Eddie’s brain with enough stimulus that he wasn’t getting proper deep sleep and decent rest, and that concerned him enough to drop it. Eddie was always worried about him being bored and lonely at night, so he told him he was fine, but Venom lived in his body - he could see beyond the lies into the truth of the deepening bags under his eyes. 

(He still wasn’t sure what made a lie ‘white’ - if it was untrue, it was a lie, even if it was for a ‘good’ reason. Good and bad were still concepts he was learning about too. Wikipedia couldn’t tell him the differences between good and bad that would allow him to judge whether a person was edible or not. He wondered where Eddie had got his scale on good/bad vs edibility from.) (Eddie still maintained that it was a feeling he would understand one day. Unless he saw someone committing a crime. But even then there were scales of badness for crimes too.)

Earth was a difficult place.

Venom was glad every single day that he had Eddie to live on it with.

After the laptop was no longer an option he spent many nights in silence, either sitting inside Eddie’s body, quietly monitoring everything about his host from the inside, or draped over him like a blanket, cording through his fingers softly or travelling along his skin and waiting for him to wake up. It was a lonely, boring five hours. (Wikipedia had told him that humans were supposed to sleep for eight to function at their best, but Eddie only ever slept for five or six at most. Venom lectured him about his unhealthy sleep schedule most nights.)

It was actually Eddie who first suggested the knitting. 

They were in a classier part of the city, trying to find a present for Anne’s birthday, when they walked past a quaint little shop full of wool in the window. Something made them pause and gave Eddie a thought. They entered the shop with a little chime of a bell above the door, and the small old lady behind the counter smiled pleasantly. He returned it a little awkwardly. His nose wrinkled as he went further into the store.

You do not like the smell of this place. Venom rumbled into his mind.

“Reminds me of the cardigans my grandmother used to knit me when I was a kid,” Eddie replied quietly with a shudder, making sure he was facing away from the old lady.

Venom was treated to flashes of memory; a little kid with messy brown hair and a graze on his cheek scratching incessantly at an itchy black woolen cardigan, other kids yelling names at him, and the determination to keep wearing the itchy horrible piece of clothing so he didn’t offend his grandmother. 

Something warm bloomed in Venom at the memories of his perfect Eddie, and he used a thin tendril to subtly stroke his cheek before he hid away under his skin again. Eddie scoffed, suddenly embarrassed.

He’d ended up asking the old lady what the best wool for a beginner would be, much to Venom’s confusion - he wanted to knit the clothing he hated from his memory? And came away from the store with a bundle of wool, two long thin pieces of plastic and a book on knitting.

(They got Anne a little ceramic cat that Eddie said looked like the cat he wasn’t allowed to eat whenever they went to visit.)

Venom spent the first few nights reading the book Eddie had bought him, cover to cover, before he even attempted to use the knitting needles. It seemed easy enough in theory. Then he began to knit. It ended up being the perfect occupation for him while Eddie slept - since it was repetitive but interesting, and it was perfectly quiet aside from the clicking of the needles, which was apparently a soothing sound? 

But Eddie woke up for the first week of him starting covered in tangled wool, the knitting needles embedded in the wall where Venom had thrown them in frustration. 

He encouraged Venom to stick with it, sure that his dexterity would increase every time he tried, and concerned about the increasing number of holes in his bedroom wall. In the end the idea of finally finding something to occupy the five hours he spent alone was enough to keep him returning to the difficult activity every night. 

Then he started to get it.

Venom’s knitting got better and better. He would smugly present a tiny hat to Eddie in the morning, modelling it on his head and making Eddie try it on too. (It never fit him but he always said it looked great.) The first project that kept him occupied for over a month’s worth of five hours a night was a full-sized scarf in black wool, that he handed over to Eddie with so much pride it leaked over and they both beamed at the slightly misshapen accessory. Eddie wore it every single day until Venom got jealous and hid it, demanding to be his scarf again.

After a while Eddie had an entire drawer full of hats and scarves and the old lady at the wool store knew him by name. When he ran out of wool one night he woke Eddie up so that they could go there and get more, though Eddie just turned over and moaned that it was too early and something about how he’d made a monster. 

Eddie, he said with excitement as they approached it the next morning, Eddie there’s a sale on. We can afford more than usual. Put more in the basket. All of those. And this one. And these.

“Oh God.”

Eventually they ran out of space in the hat and scarf drawer. Eddie suggested he should start making them for homeless people. It wasn’t quite as motivating as knitting for Eddie himself, but he was so proud and happy when he got to hand over bags of knitted accessories for the less fortunate, that Venom found it was enough. It was worth it for that glow of pride. All for him.

It was when he started being able to make more than one item a night that Eddie decided they could keep making them for free for the homeless, but they could start to sell some of them too. Apparently there was a place on the internet they could put his creations and people would want to buy them? Eddie would package them up and send them away, and that meant they could keep affording the materials to make even more. He started diversifying into sweaters and cardigans (much to Eddie’s disgust) and they had enough orders to buy better quality wool. There were always boxes to post, and people sent them pictures of themselves in the things he made.

Eddie laughed one day as they were packaging up a large order and when Venom asked what was funny he said that these customers had no idea that they were buying something knitted by a huge predatory alien with teeth as big as his hand that lived inside him. He didn’t see what was amusing about that.

It was surprising how productive five hours could be.

[thepucegoose]

Starsky is Canonically Jewish - A Moodboard & Analysis

A detailed exploration of all the Many Many aspects in the canon that point to Starsky being Jewish can be seen under the cut + bonus headcanons! 

So I was looking at Starsky’s fanlore page and the discussion there talks about hints within the canon that Starsky may be Jewish. As one commentator notes, “There is plenty of mild justification for Starsky being Jewish”. Tbh, I’d say that, whilst subtle and never explicitly addressed, there is far more than just mild justification to suggest that Starsky is Jewish, and that he is in fact canonically so (and also I found the menorah they were talking about and I felt like I was on Myth-busters, which I’ve never seen but I imagine they mainly investigate fandom hearsay regarding background menorahs and other such suggestions. I’m insanely proud for having found it please appreciate because it took me a Very long time to, although I’ve found in researching this that there was at least one screenshot of it online here from 2011 :D). 

TV Tropes has Starsky down for the Ambiguously Jewish trope and whilst I definitely agree that Starsky fits this trope description, I would say that there really is nothing ambiguous about it. There are just so so many aspects that come together. This boy is just canonically Jewish! 

(Disclaimer: I’m not Jewish. Although I am very much considering converting and I’ve been studying everything I can about Judaism for well well over a year or so now, as well as attending services through whatever means I’ve been able to, I am by No Means even remotely close to being knowledgeable on the topic. Still, I figured there were some things I’d noticed whilst watching that hadn’t been mentioned that I wanted to bring up, and I also wanted to pull together observations by others into one place because I’m always hyped for canon representation and creating coherent resources. Extensive Research Is My Jam. If I’ve got anything wrong; said something in an uncomfortable way; talked where it wasn’t my place to talk; made assumptions I shouldn’t have; or like, said/done literally anything else that feels even slightly off then Please Please say and I’ll do everything I can to sort it!!)

Reasons why I reckon Starsky is canonically Jewish: 

For one, Paul Michael Glaser is Jewish and if William Shatner being Jewish is good enough for my Jewish!Kirk headcanons then it’s sure as heck good enough for my Jewish!Starksy headcanons. Furthermore, according to Wikipedia, both Leonard Goldberg and Aaron Spelling are Jewish, and a good many of the writers have Jewish surnames too, though I can’t find out much about them specifically. Due to their fame, and therefore extended biographies, Wikipedia does specify that writers Michael Mann, and Fred Freiberger are Jewish. Joe Naar, who produced the show, was also Jewish, and used to joke that his style “was born out of being a short Jew with a huge chip on his shoulder.” Rick Edelstein was hugely involved in the writing of the later series and you can really see the influence Judaism has on his work, as is evident in his more recent short story, Bodega. He also ended his short video supporting Obama in '08 with "l'chaim, to life".

Essentially, I think Jewish people were involved in all levels of production within the show - from the writing, to the acting, to the direction, to the production - and this can be seen in the varied means by which it’s suggested that Starsky is Jewish himself. As such, suggestions that may have been seen as accidental otherwise can then take on greater significance, whilst the more explicit examples take on more emotional weight. 

Why, then, would it not be more explicitly stated that Starsky is, and was always considered to be, Jewish? I read a really interesting post the other day about how Jewish people in Hollywood often felt unable to include Jewish characters/actors/themes in their work out of fear of seeming too “tribalistic, or insular, or that Hollywood was (as it was in the antisemitic imagination) a ‘Jewish’ front”. Obviously, I can’t comment from a Jewish perspective, but when I was younger I felt similar pressure in regards to including queer characters. As such, I think it’s really exciting to see the very explicit references to Starsky being Jewish, even if they aren’t clearly obvious to a wider audience not actively looking for such references.

Paul Michael Glaser also played Perchik in Fiddler on the Roof (1971) - which I mention not only because it shows Glaser playing other Jewish roles, but also as a recommendation because I Love My Hyped Wee Jewish Communist Revolutionary Boy. Glaser talked about how Starsky was a culmination of other characters he’d played prior to Starsky (DVD extras) and I think this is quite evident in Starsky and Perchik’s respective behaviours. As a nod to this, the middle top picture is (apparently) from a Jewish Labour Bund publication. This is something you can learn more about on its Wikipedia article here, and there’s more interesting things about The Bund here and here as well!

As we all know, Starsky calls Hutch the Blond Blintz (to his Puce Goose) :D Here’s a recipe for blintzes from myjewishlearning.com - they’re like pancakes and it’s an Ashkenazim custom to eat them on Shavuot. Also I love the scene in The Set-Up: part 1 where he first calls Hutch the Blond Blintz and Hutch is like???? and Starsky just says Blintz very definitively and with no further explanation and Hutch is just like,,, u kno what,, I’m just going to roll with this.) 

I basically just really love this because it’s an example of Starsky being very openly and explicitly involved in Jewish culture, not just when he says it in The Set-Up, but also in Starsky’s Lady, when playing with the kids, especially as there aren’t a lot of references to things that carry on across multiple episodes.

I also like the way he pulls everyone else into his reference of it very un-apologetically; it feels very in character. There’s a picture of a blintz in the left column of the middle row! (Also, I feel like,,,, there might be some,,,, Freudian Implications to naming your partner after a rolled pancake filled with cream cheese that gets released when eaten?? @jimmyandthegiraffes fite me.)

Whilst Hutch looks at a glow in the dark cross being sold by Huggy in Jojo (written by Mann), Starsky picks up a mezuzah, which are put up at gateposts and door frames in Jewish homes - here’s a video about it :D The picture in the left-most bottom corner is Starsky inspecting this mezuzah. I really like this scene because he goes straight to it and seems to be considering it with very real interest. This is interestingly contrasted with Hutch picking up the cross, which isn’t the only time the show appears to draw a distinction between their respective cultural and religious heritages. 

I think that really responds to some of the stuff William Blinn has said about their casting and how thrilled they were to have two actors playing characters from such different backgrounds whilst having such great chemistry, and how that really helps form the magic of the show even (DVD extras). I think their respective choices really help to demonstrate how assumed it was that Starsky Would naturally pick up a mezuzah, in contrast to Hutch’s cross. 

The menorah (or actually Chanukkiah if we’re going to be really specific about it) in the background of Starsky’s apartment in Foxy Lady and in Blindfold. For so long I thought this was a myth but!! it’s not!!!! You can see it in the right hand column, middle row :D With the greatest thanks to the canon compendium for pointing out the episodes it appears in and also for like, literally everything else - it’s genuinely just the best fandom resource I’ve seen. I love this because I think, asides from a Magen David (Star of David), I think a menorah is one of the most well known symbols of Judaism and I think it’s really rad that it’s something the crew thought consciously to include, even if it is a largely not shown background detail. Again, it’s subtle but explicit which is why I would argue that Starsky is canonically Jewish.

It’s also worth remembering that even though it’s in an area in his apartment that doesn’t get shot by the cameras except on a few occasions, it Is a part of the apartment that’s Really visible from like, every direction and is right across from the front door. I’ve got another screenshot below from Blindfold that puts it more in context of where it is. I think this is really cool!! It’s obviously something he considers a big enough part of his life to keep on display year round and it’s something instantly recognisable and visible for anyone coming into his house (Foxy Lady came out on March 1st and Blindfold on October 21st, neither of which are around Chanukkah, if you’re going by episode air dates).

Speaking of the Magen David :D As can be seen in the episode Little Girl Lost, Starsky has a couple of blue six pointed stars on his dash under his Christmas decoration, as you can see in the top left hand corner of the mood board. I think this is really cool because Starsky is obviously very hyped for Christmas in this episode, hanging reindeer from his mirror and singing Christmas songs and being really hyped for presents, and this could be used to suggest that Oh No He Can’t Be Jewish He Likes Christmas, but not only does he only engage in secularised aspects of Christmas (in contrast to the nativity scene at Kiko’s house), there’s the very conscious inclusion of these stars. All the scenes in the car are set during Chanukkah, which ran from 16-24th December in 1976, and the stars are blue, which, along with white or silver, is often used for Chanukkah decorations and is traditionally associated with Judaism. Basically this remains in keeping with the subtle yet very conscious inclusion of Jewish symbolism, easily missed by those not thinking to look for it. 

Also I know heaps of Jewish people that enjoy the secular aspects of Christmas, particularly if the holiday has meaning for their friends. In Starsky’s case this might be more because he wants to annoy Hutch and he likes bickering or perhaps because he’s upset by Hutch’s increasing cynicism and wants Hutch to feel happier. Or because he wants a new caboose for his train set. Probably that.

In the bottom left hand corner you’ll see a picture of Paul Muni, born   Frederich Meshilem Meier Weisenfreund, Meshilem being his Hebrew name. I just like that Hutch suggests Starsky’s mother called him Rudolph Valentino and Starsky corrects him saying she “said I was more of the Paul Muni type”, suggesting the actor she compared him to was actually a notably Jewish one (Paul Muni references can be found in Lady Blue, as written by Mann, and Silence). Again, I think the contrast between Hutch suggesting a gentile actor, and Starsky raising a Jewish one instead is interesting, as well as highlighting Starsky’s mother’s engagement with, and perhaps predisposition towards, Jewish culture.

On it’s own this is perhaps more of a curiosity, maybe too much opportunity for coincidence to really warrant too much attention, but Dobey also chooses a Jewish comparison in The Velvet Jungle when he says, “who do you think you are, Starsky, Milton Berle?” So here we have two instances wherein the comparisons drawn with Starsky are with other Jewish personalities.

In Terror On The Docks (written by Freiberger), Huggy apologises for not bringing an ill Starsky chicken soup, instead bringing mustard green broth which, “where I come from is just as effective”. This might not have much significance in and of itself, except that literally just 2 episodes later, in Shootout, Sammy Grovner makes a joke about chicken soup being Jewish penicillin. In addition, Huggy’s reference to his own culture’s cure-all suggests that chicken soup would have been the culturally appropriate first-choice for Starsky. As such, I’ve included a picture of matzo-ball chicken soup in the top left hand corner. 

Also, in The Game, Hutch says in regards to their soup related upbringings that, “we obviously had different mothers” and Starsky says, “yeah, mine was chicken soup, yours was,, clam chowder”, which isn’t really that important except that the show likes to highlight their different cultural upbringings and once again they’re doing so by referencing something that is widely culturally understood to be Jewish, having already explicitly stated it within the show to be so. (I could write a whole dissertation about cultural soup references in Starsky and Hutch, but I’m not going to. Just note that there are a weird amount of them.)

We see in Running that Starsky calls his mother every Friday evening. I think this is really interesting because, if they were both observant orthodox, they wouldn’t be using electricity on Shabbat. I mean, duh, Starsky is Not observantly orthodox but this scene shows that neither is his mother. Any yet, the time they’ve picked to talk each week is on Friday evenings, when many Jewish families come together for Shabbat dinner. As such, I think this shows how Starsky’s Judaism holds a place within his life and his routines, as well as suggesting what tradition he may have been brought up in. I personally headcanon conservative, but Reform works too!

As the fanlore page says, “Starsky looked stunned when Nancy's mother asked him if he were Catholic in 'Terror on the Docks,' to which he replied he was not.” This scene is a really interesting one to watch for this (and, again, was written by Freiberger), and whilst this merely shows that he’s not Catholic, his confusion and bafflement suggests just how surprising this question is to him, and his discomfort is evident as he laughs awkwardly. I think this is an experience many minorities can attest to, and he’s feeling the unease that comes when you’re put under pressure to reveal a part of your identity that may well be not received well. 

In terms of the canon, I think the way in which this is played is so in line with the concept that Starsky is Jewish that it really suggests that this was something in clearly in mind in regards to his characterisation, at least by a number of the people working on the show. 

In terms of headcanons, I like Starsky’s bewilderment here because it seems like he straight up just thought it was obvious that he was Jewish, and so it offers an in-universe explanation for why he never says “I’m Jewish”, rather than the external explanation regarding the fears surrounding creating explicitly clear Jewish characters in the 1970s. 

It is interesting, in universe, that he doesn’t then say, “No, Mrs. Blake, I’m afraid I’m Jewish”, but I think this shows Starsky’s reticence to talk about his background with strangers, despite his comfort proudly talking about blintzes with Hutch and Terry. This is frankly just understandable, given the existence of antisemitism and Mrs Blake’s evangelical Catholicism, and again offers another explanation for why he never says I’m Jewish, wherein everyone he feels comfortable knowing already know, so there’s no need for him to say that. 

(This said, @jimmyandthegiraffes and I headcanon that he just explains everything he doesn’t know with the fact he’s Jewish, even when it’s totally unrelated, *queue Starsky’s sage voice* “Ah see, I wouldn’t know whether those out of date eggs are safe to eat because I’m Jewish.” - Hutch is going to throw something. Also saying he can’t eat something healthy Hutch has made because it’s not kosher, whilst eating something obviously treif, which I made a post about here.)

We also see Starsky’s reticence to talk about his background with antagonistic strangers/suspects in The Committee, “Starsky? What is it, Polish?” “Something like that.” And yet, in Starsky And Hutch Are Guilty we see Starsky talk with Sharon, with whom he obviously feels comfortable with, about his home cooked goulash, “My mother gave me a recipe straight from the old country.” Again, this shows an in universe explanation for why we never see Starsky talk about his background explicitly, as those who he feels comfortable knowing already know.

This line is also interesting as it suggests information about Starsky’s heritage that pretty clearly implies a family with an immigrant background;  this again would be in line with the experience of many Jewish people in the US, particularly when considering Starsky’s roots in New York as many families settled there fleeing pogroms and persecution. I headcanon that Starsky’s father was killed just after his 13th birthday (and his Bar Mitzvah) and moved to Bay City the summer after (this is taking Glaser’s birthday as Starsky’s for consistency).

This would mean Starsky lived in New York 1943-1956. The Jewish population of New York was at its peak in 1950 at 2 million. Still today, New York City is the largest community of Jews in the world within a city proper, including Tel Aviv. I think it perhaps goes without saying that this was and is particularly true in Brooklyn. I’ve seen lots of fics argue about where about in New York Starsky is from (with one claiming New Jersey which was pretty left field). The closest connection to New York that I have is that I grew up on the outskirts of the city it was named after. If you ever want to visit York, it has a lot of chocolate museums and a nice Gothic cathedral and a bad connection with Jewish history. I’m on a tangent. My point is, although I can figure Yorkshire accents, I’m not especially good at figuring out the nuances of New York accents so I leave it up to you lot, and on the whole people tend to suggest that he has a Brooklyn accent. We also know he has swum at Coney Island, and that the sea there tastes better than on the playboy island (Murder on Voodoo Island: part 2).

What we do know is that Starsky grew up on 84th Street (Targets Without A Badge: part 2) although there do seem to be a Lot of 84th streets in New York. We also know that if we are agreeing on Brooklyn then 84th street runs through Bay Ridge, Dyker Heights, and Bensonhurt. I figure Bensonhurst works best because, even though it’s a very Italian neighbourhood now, until the 50s it was a Jewish/Italian neighbourhood, which works with Starsky’s grandmother’s flat above the Italian restaurant (Shootout). It also works with the implications surrounding Starsky’s family and the mob (The Set-Up: part 1) as the Bath Avenue Crew operated in Bensonhurst. The mob thing is also interesting when considering Starsky’s Jewish heritage. There’s a painted Bensonhurst shop front in the bottom middle of the mood board which has been kept the same since the 1950s when Starsky could have been living there!

This has all been largely (or wholly) tangential, but essentially my point is that what we know of Starsky’s heritage chimes pretty neatly with the experience of many Jewish Americans, which again ties in with the argument that Starsky’s Judaism was something held in mind by those involved in the creation of the show. 

Another thing I found interesting was in an article I was reading about Paul Simon, born less than two years before Glaser. In regard to Simon, Donald Fagen says, “There’s a certain kind of New York Jew, [...] almost a stereotype, really, to whom music and baseball are very important. I think it has to do with the parents. The parents are either immigrants or first-generation Americans who felt like outsiders, and assimilation was the key thought — they gravitated to black music and baseball looking for an alternative culture.” Simon responded to say that this wasn't too far from the truth. Obviously, Starsky enjoying baseball does not at all mean anything about him being Jewish, but it does fit in with his Jewish New York upbringing, from his father taking him to see the Yankees and him collecting baseball cards (Vendetta), to his enthusiasm with Pete (Little Girl Lost). 

It is worth noting how this enthusiasm for baseball seems to be something that Starsky engages in far more than Hutch, which is interesting given Soul's history with the sport. (I feel like they definitely could have done more with the fact that David Soul was a good enough player to be offered a contract with the Chicago White Sox). Perhaps this wasn't pursued because a passion for baseball was thought to be more in line with Starsky's upbringing, versus Hutch's Sea Scouts. Again, this maybe suggests a certain narrative held in mind regarding Starsky’s background and how it influenced his characterisation.

Curiously, any Yiddish on the show is typically said by Hutch rather than by Starsky. In Vendetta, Hutch says to Artie Sorkin, “Fagin, faigeleh. What’s the differences? You’re vermin.” Faigeleh meaning homosexual. Also, as the canon compendium notes, “Hutch calls his houseplant ‘Meschugah Mantherlus.’” ‘Meschugah’ means crazy in Yiddish.  “‘Mantherlus’ doesn’t translate as anything but is probably an inside joke and supposed to sound Latin.” (Ballad for a Blue Lady, co-written by Glaser.) 

Largely I just found this interesting, but I did read a really cool study talking about the use of Yiddish in the American vernacular and one of its many findings was that gentiles with close Jewish friends were, unsurprisingly, more likely to use more Yiddish terminology. Also, unrelated but super fascinating, LGBT+ people were more likely to use Yiddish too.

On the Jewish immigrant experience, in Partners Starsky tries to get Hutch to play Pinochle with him, claiming "you love Pinochle", suggesting this is a game they frequently play together. Pinochle used to be a favourite card game of Jewish and Irish immigrants. I get that at this point I'm probably clasping at straws but I'm going for as comprehensive as possible, and I think it creates a good story about Starsky playing it with his family and later teaching it to Hutch.

It is interesting how Hutch is possibly shown to be engaging with Jewish culture in regard to both his use of Yiddish and his love of Pinochle. This may well be because Jewish culture permeates American society, after all it's Soul we see say the Yiddish "putz" in the bloopers. But it is slightly interesting that these were lines given to Hutch, perhaps for plot purposes, or because the writers were choosing to include their own culture and ways of speaking in a way that is safer through the evidently gentile Soul rather than the conspicuously Jewish Glaser. 

There are other instances of Judaism in Starsky and Hutch that aren’t necessarily pointing to Starsky being Jewish but that are notable. Huggy Bear and the Turkey starts with Starsky and Hutch undercover in Caplan Laundry, where Hutch seems to be undercover as an orthodox Jewish man (and Starsky his wife? Seemingly? They certainly uh, go for it in the bloopers). 

Caplan/Kaplan is a surname found in a number of cultures but it is a common Ashkenazim surname which also makes me headcanon Officer Minnie Kaplan as Jewish because we all want more Jewish headcanons in our lives and I think it puts her friendship with Starsky in an interesting context. (Marki Bey more like Marki Bae)

Again, it's Hutch we see taking on the more visibly Jewish role, although this does not go to negate Starsky's own Jewishness, as this may well be understood to be his influence on the friend he spends significantly more than 75% of his time with. Also, it can be assumed that Starsky is undercover as a Jewish woman as he appears to work at the launderette. 

Obviously A Body Worth Guarding is the episode that deals most with Judaism as the Jewish protesters are a central plot feature. It’s interesting that Starsky’s involvement with them is largely hostile, however, I think this is more to do with the circumstances. At first he believes they’ve hired muscle to hurt Anna so he goes in hard which means the Jewish Organisation for Action respond with a more hostile approach. And yet, he’s completely on-board with dropping the JOA lead and following the fascist one as a result of Kauffman’s logic that attacking Anna would only lead to more antisemitism, which despite being a sound argument had no actual evidence to support it. From this point Kauffman is still resistant to working with Starsky which means Starsky maybe is more heavy handed in his approach, but it is on order to get Kauffman to help him follow the fascist lead. Once the job has been done he seems a lot softer towards the JOA and genuinely thankful for their help.

Essentially, the episode is noteworthy but Starsky’s reaction to the JOA tells us not so much about his own personal beliefs and upbringing and more about how he approaches his job. I do think it interesting that he believes Kauffman’s logic and subsequently drops all suspicion of the JOA and instead trusts him enough to bring him in as help.

Also Huggy calls the JOA the “desert people” which might just be Huggy’s turn of phrase but I think it feels more comfortable if Starsky is Jewish as it’s more like banter between friends then.

In spite of all these very purposeful allusions and references to Starsky’s Judaism, in Savage Sunday he complains about having to work on a Sunday, the Christian sabbath instead of Judaism’s Shabbat. And yet, I don’t believe this undermines Starsky’s Jewish presentation as it seems that his complaints are more that he expects to have Sunday off because he is in a Christian society which usually allows him a break on a Sunday to which he can look forward to. When he’s complaining about working on a Saturday in Jojo (written by Mann), Hutch says, “Could be worse, could be Sunday”, to which Starsky replies, “Come on, Saturday’s bad enough”, bemoaning all the sports that he could be watching instead. 

This is interesting too as you could easily use this to headcanon him using sport as an excuse to express his frustrations at having to work on Shabbat, especially as it’s Hutch who says, “Could be worse, could be Sunday.”

Note: It was mentioned on the fanlore page that Huggy gives Starsky a wreath of garlic ‘for those of other persuasions’, but, as far as I can tell, the garlic is to ward off vampires of “all the rest of the denominations” when the cross for “any vampire of Christian persuasion” won’t be of help, rather than the garlic being for non-Christian vampire hunters. As always, I’m loving Huggy’s enterprising approach to religion, making sure he covers all bases, but it’s not really a suggestion that Starsky is Jewish, just that he needs to protect himself from non-Christian vampires.

In the same vein, Huggy does say “Shalom” to Starksy (and to Hutch) in Dandruff, though this seems to be more as an aspect of his undercover role as Prince Nairobi.

Essentially, Starsky is frequently presented as engaging with Jewish culture, practices, and traditions, often very visibly so. Aside from the very explicitly Jewish references, Starsky is very frequently characterised in a way that suggests his being Jewish was held in mind, on a writing level, an acting level, a direction level, and a production level. As I mentioned earlier, American society in imbued with Jewish culture and so many of these things may have been purely incidental. However, coupled with the more explicit examples of Starsky's Judaism they may be said to take on greater purpose and subsequent significance. Pretty much across the board, he is understood to be Jewish and whilst these references maybe subtle enough to pass by those not engaged with Judaism or considering it a possibility, this does not preclude Starsky’s Judaism from being a very knowing and explicit inclusion, and therefore canon.

Given all this, I have some headcanons about to what extent Starsky is practising! 

We canonically know he doesn’t keep kosher – I mean this boy eats linguine with clams. I have read a fic where Hutch is forbidden from telling Starsky’s ma that he eats bacon or meat with dairy and I really like this as a headcanon. I definitely think she Knows but she lets Starsky pretend he doesn’t because it keeps him happy.

We also know neither he nor his mother have qualms about not being shomer Shabbos, but as I mentioned earlier, we Do see them using Friday evenings as the time they choose to call one another.

We know he doesn’t wear a kippah on the regular, too. And he never says the Sh’ma out loud if he thinks he’s about to die, although I do think he probably says it to himself. Again, I think I’ve read a fic about that. As I reread the ones I have bookmarked I’ll add them in if I can find them.

Other than these examples, pretty much everything else as far as I can tell is fair game, particularly if you’re considering along the lines of Reform, or even conservative, depending on the community. I know a lot of Jewish people who would consider themselves to be actively practicing who don’t keep kosher or who work on a Saturday etc.

About that, as I mentioned above, we know he does sometimes work on a Saturday (and he complains about it). This suggests that he doesn’t necessarily frequent synagogue regularly, particularly as he was frustrated about missing the sport he likes to watch on a Saturday.

However, for one thing, this doesn’t mean he Never goes to temple, and for another, we do know that Starsky very likely celebrates Chanukkah, due to his Chanukkiah. Chanukkah is a relatively minor Jewish holiday and so if he celebrates this it’s likely he also celebrates other, more significant holidays, and high holy days. Maybe he doesn’t go to shul every week, but a synagogue on Yom Kippur is generally full of people who are not regular attenders.

Please imagine this boy trying to fast I bet Hutch would be glad as hell that Starsky isn’t at work lol.

Personally, I tend to headcanon that Starsky moves to greater observance post Sweet Revenge. I think the hospital rabbi is good at playing Pinochle and the two become friends and they have good philosophical debates and Hutch joins in and after Starsky is discharged they want to see the rabbi so they start regularly attending shul and they both find something they can get out of it, especially as I headcanon that they retire from the force I think it gives them a community. For Starsky, I think it gives him a connection to his heritage and his family and maybe his father in particular, as well as a focus on social justice work through the synagogue so that he and Hutch can still feel like they’re making a difference. Tbh, I think that Hutch might find a lot to connect to in Judaism, maybe in the way it’s focused on making a difference in the here and now and not in order to access some afterlife. To be clear, I don’t think that’s necessarily the angle Christianity takes but I think it is how Hutch might perceive it and I think he might find Judaism more grounding in that respect. Also, if he converts then Starsky’s ma would be thrilled that if he hasn’t found a nice Jewish girl then at least he’s found a nice Jewish boy and Starsky will tease that Hutch’s hair is so long he might as well be a girl. I think it would create a really interesting relationship between Starsky’s ma and Hutch where they talk about Judaism and she introduces him to recipes and books and stuff and later Hutch is showing Starsky and he’s like, how come Ma never showed me?! And Hutch is like, she tried to idiot you just got distracted. And they can just, explore stuff together. It’s really soft.

Also, I think they host Shabbat dinners every Friday and it’s really cool because it’s a way that they can stay in touch with the Dobeys after they’ve left the force, and how they can stay close with Huggy when they’re not visiting for tips every other day. Also Kiko and Pete can come and then stay the night and spend Saturday with them maybe to give Mrs. Ramos a break. Minnie can come too and say the prayers!! Plus Paco Ortega and Joey and tbh any number of the other kids they’ve accidentally adopted over the years.

Pesach at theirs is just, the fullest house you can possibly imagine I love it. @jimmyandthegiraffes came up with the idea that there isn’t space for Dobey and the boys are like, oh you’re sat on the counter and he’s like? But there’s an empty chair and place set out here?? And he goes to sit down and everyone is like, nOOoO that’s for Elijah!! You cAnt sIT in Elijah’S plaCe?!

Gosh I love them

Starsky high key calls the new year “secular Rosh Hashanah”

Even though I personally headcanon a greater observance after sweet revenge, there really is nothing at all to say he isn’t at least somewhat practising over the course of the series and even that he is, given the Chanukkiah and what that means about holidays. I like how he keeps it up year round to maybe keep in mind his faith/upbringing/background.

I think it’s interesting that many of the fics that engage with Starsky as Jewish often suggest that he’s not religious, which is of course completely possible. However, just because he doesn’t ever talk about a faith in God doesn’t mean it isn’t present, especially when faith is often something so private and proselytising isn’t a part of Judaism. Personally I think that Starsky does have faith in God throughout the series and after, and this does impact his relationship with Judaism prior to Sweet Revenge as he considers things like the mezuzah and engages with Jewish culture, but that it’s after Sweet Revenge that he starts engaging with his faith more as connected to Judaism and religious traditions, rather than I’m going to celebrate my culture and upbringing and also I have a faith in God. He sees the two as more connected perhaps? and his faith as having a more direct impact on his life.

I really like how Huggy says the thing about the chicken soup too, and the “desert people” line is made a lot sweeter by thinking of him as a cool supportive friend who Starsky has known for a long time and who typically engages with Judaism specifically because it means something to Starsky.

I seemingly have a lot of thoughts on this.

Also, I really like how he calls him blintz, weird Freudian implications aside, especially because blintzes can be eaten at any time but are typically associated with Shavuot and I like the idea that Starsky has really a really fond association with his religion but also with Hutch. I really like the idea that if Hutch converts then the two can stay up all night together, eating blintzes and cheese and Hutch can maybe read aloud for my dyslexic boy.

Essentially, I just really love thinking about this and I think there’s more space for an actively practising Starsky than there’s generally understood to be, religious or not, even over the course of the show. Especially if you consider Reform Judaism. But tbh just give me Jewish!Starsky fics and I’m happy whatever they’re like.

I’ve worked really hard to find each scene I’ve mentioned on my DVDs (this post has taken me literally So Long to write (9 months-ish? it’s my Child) and I’ve researched it far Far more than I do my uni assignments whoops), so you can be sure I’ve checked to make sure each reference is legitimate. If you want to see screenshots of these quotations, or you want to know whereabouts in the episodes they occur, then message me! If you have additional examples or you disagree with me or if you’ve spotted a mistake then share that too!

With all my thanks to my partner Chester who’s put up with me banging on about this and spending Hours and Hours being ridiculously pedantic in the hopes of creating as coherent a resource as I can. They’ve also contributed so much and just they’re rad. I also cannot thank enough the canon compendium for helping me fill in all the blanks and pointing me in all the directions I needed to go in, I Genuinely cannot think of a better fandom resource. Also the first 3 seasons scripts are available here which is a huge help.

tldr; Starsky is irrefutably, canonically Jewish and also I love him 

[macgyvermedical]

Thanks to the Grass Pea: A “Seeds + Permafrost + Feather” Review

Listen.

Listen.

That’s the sound of them messing with me.

Like, when season 4 comes out its going to be perfectly scientifically accurate and it’s going to come out that they’ve just been messing with me specifically this whole time. Just me. Just Ross. Just to get my reaction. They’re going to hire someone to knock on my door, slow clap for a few minutes, and leave.

It’s going to be really embarrassing.

Anyway.

Despite the lengths they go to not name the poison (literally they just call it “the poison” a lot), this was no ordinary handwavy science ep. Someone sunk time and energy into this. Not for the general public, oh no, but for people who wanted to dig in deep. People like me who were willing and really wanted to know what the hell was going on and what was at stake.

Watching this episode and digging into it on google afterwards was was like a little scavenger hunt for me. It was actually super fun ‘cause you know how much of a poison nerd I am, and I’m always up for a challenge when knowledge of a new poison is on the line!

The episode centers around the race to track down the seeds for a kind of pea plant, found otherwise only in North Korea, that supposedly contains a weaponizable chemical agent. There’s a lot of twists and turns and it turns out the seeds themselves mean nothing to the plot, but they’re still interesting and deserve some bandwidth.

I started with two clues:

Clue one was the name of the seeds:

Pisum amortium. Not to brag, but I google a lot of poisons and I was a little surprised I’d never heard of this plant. Honestly, being a legume I was kind of expecting it to be a cyanide. But cyanide is everywhere- why go to the trouble to steal these particular peas when cyanide is pretty cheap and abundant elswhere?

However, as you might imagine, it didn’t take me too very long to find out Pisum amortium wasn’t a real plant. The only things that came up in the google search were texts referring to the garden pea, Pisum sativum, in archeobotany and paleonutrition. Don’t ask me why other mentions of the garden pea didn’t come up, because none of the 10 or so articles have any mention of the word “amortium” in them at all (and literally it was just images of abstracts, no other search results). Which I found... odd.

But I put that aside. I had another clue to look into:

I kinda applaud the person who made this printout. There’s a lot to talk about in it. Let’s start at the bottom: the title in the bottom text box reads “6-Fluroro-L-Tryptophan -- L-BMAA”.  Now, accounting for what I can only assume are purposeful misspellings (though I got a few results that indicate it might be a correct spelling in Norwegian), “6-fluoro-L-tryptophan” and “L-BMAA” are real things. Different things, but real things.

Tryptophan is an essential amino acid, meaning we can’t make it ourselves and need to ingest it from food in order to survive. Our bodies use it to make the neurotransmitter/hormones serotonin and melatonin. It’s found in most animal-based food sources like meat, fish, and dairy, but is also present in brown rice and soybeans. 6-fluoro-L-tryptophan is a form of tryptophan that contains an atom of fluorine on one of its carbon rings (the “6″ and “L” just refer to the placement of various parts of this molecule). The fluorine on the molecule makes it so instead of helping create serotonin and melatonin, it inhibits their creation.

Now, that sounds bad, but as far as I can tell its effects have never been studied in humans. It is listed as an irritant and pretty standard PPE (N95 masks, gloves, etc...) is recommended to handle it. Even if humans *were* exposed to it in a meaningful way, it appears to have a relatively short half-life: when rats were injected with it, they had some disruptions in their sleep-wake cycle for about 3 hours, but that was pretty much it.

Like, yes, it’s a neurotoxin, but its *probably* not going to kill anyone. Going to the trouble of adequately distributing it is like a Doofinshmirtz-level evil scheme of “muahahaha I’m going to make everyone irritable and sleep-deprived for like 3 hours with my grump-n-ator and you can’t stop me Perry the Platypus!” <-- evil!scientific re-enactment.

The structure at the top of the page is indeed a form of fluorotryptophan, but with a hydrogen moved that makes it probably unstable? It’s been a while since I took organic chemistry, but I think this was probably just done for obscuring-the-science reasons.

But let’s put that aside for a moment too.

It’s hard to see in this screenshot, but the text in the lowest text box doesn’t talk about 6-fluoro-L-tryptophan at all, but it does talk about BMAA (the “L” usually isn’t used in the abbreviation). This is where it starts to get interesting. BMAA, or beta-Methylamino-L-alanine is in fact also an amino acid and neurotoxin, and what they’re probably talking the most about in this episode.

BMAA is produced by cyanobacteria, so plants and other things that naturally have cyanobacteria in them (cycads, certain ferns, and lichens) or animals that eat them or are routinely exposed to cyanobacteria (flying foxes, some sharks), can have toxic levels of BMAA in their flesh and can cause problems when eaten by humans. The presence of BMAA specifically causes protein misfolding in the brain, and leads to so-called “tangle diseases” (like, the proteins are all tangled) like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, ALS, PSP, and Lewy-body disease. There are certain regions in the world (most notably Guam) where the food supply has historically had a lot of BMAA naturally occurring in it, and therefore has also historically had a relatively high prevalence of tangle diseases.

Now, you might think you know where I’m going with this, but BMAA is not found in any kind of peas- not even super region-specific ones. Fortunately, wikipedia came in clutch for me by recommending I look into a similar neurotoxin called Oxalyldiaminopropionic acid or ODAP.

When consumed, ODAP causes paralysis of the lower body called “neurolathyrism.” The primary source of dietary ODAP comes from, wait for it... a plant called “Lathryus sativus” or grass pea (see above). The grass pea is an important plant in many parts of the world because it is seen as an insurance crop- it survives droughts and floods when other crops die off. It’s high protein content allows people to live off of it as a temporary staple food. There are other varieties of ODAP-containing Lathryus peas used in traditional Greek and Spanish cuisine, to the point where they have a Protected Designation of Origin.

But... poison? The picture below is a famous Goya print called “Thanks to the Grass Pea.” The title is a clever slant on both the fact that the depicted individuals were kept alive by the pea, only to slowly become paralyzed from it. 

The truth of the matter is, though, if you’re not relying on grass peas as a single food source for more than 3 months at a time, neolathyrism is pretty difficult to get. This doesn’t mean you couldn’t potentially extract enough ODAP to harm someone acutely or add it to the water supply in large enough amounts over a long enough time to cause neurolathyrism in a widespread way that would really confuse public health professionals, but its value as a chemical weapon is pretty low unless you’re really into delayed gratification.

But what if you mixed a fluorotryptophan and ODAP together?

Alas, this is, I’m sorry to say, kind of where the trail went cold for me on the poison front. They’re both mild neurotoxins but they work in really different ways and nothing I read talks about them having ever crossed paths in a research capacity.

Assuming the trail goes no further, I think it’s safe to say that the poison in the episode was based on ODAP. ODAP is *like* the episode’s poison BMAA, and comes from a plant that’s *like* the pea featured in the episode, which is related to a pea that also contains a lower level of ODAP that, while present in many parts of the world, is at least legally protected as an export from a very specific geographic region (that region is part of Spain, but still). Its a little less exciting than a dangerous chemical-weapon-making-pea from North Korea, but you gotta dial up the drama somehow.

Phew. Its almost like they really didn’t want someone to track all that down.

[Patreon] [Ko-Fi]

[mbtiwebcomic]

I’m not sure if I’m an INTP or an ENTP... I relate to both sides of the coin, and they have all the same functions... I’m at least sure I’m an XNTP because all my other categories were 70-30% ish. I fit into the trollish and teasing behavior of an ENTP, but the INTP description was also really accurate... any thoughts?”

Oh boy, have you chosen the worst possible person to ask :DOkay, I’m gonna start with this great excerpt from a Quora thread on the topic:

“INTPs have a worldview that’s structured around Introverted Thinking, or Ti, and that leads them to be in-depth investigators. Whatever intrigues us, we want to learn EVERYTHING about it…we’ll dig into the entire forest related to a topic to understand one tree at the deepest level we possibly can. We’re writing and reading Wikipedia pages, both literally and figuratively, and we’re building our own mental Wikipedia on things we care about.

INTP’s primary support function is Extroverted Intuition (Ne), which helps us to look at the world and see patterns, and come up with new ideas of how things are connected. Ne as a support helps our Ti to confirm its theories in the real world by comparing the data it picks up to the encyclopedia’s predictions. It also helps Ti find new things worth investigating, and makes connections between the topics in the vast encyclopedia of knowledge Ti spends its time writing.

But, an INTP lives inside first, working on that encyclopedia with Ti. They go out with their Ne to find supporting info, or to get new ideas for encyclopedia pages.

ENTPs, on the other hand, have Ne in charge, and Ti supporting. Their Ne-centric world is full of possibilities, and they’re excited to talk about them. They live in the world, creating new ideas, seeing fresh possibilities that others might miss. And they’re far more vocal than INTPs are because of that.

With Ti in a support position, however, it becomes an adviser to Ne. Picture Ti support as a resourceful librarian, hearing Ne’s idea and pulling out internal reference books to check out how feasible the idea is. A calmer side, perhaps, that’s less caught up in the idea itself, and can screen it to see if it’s truly a valid, useful idea.

Ti the librarian, to me, is probably not going to be as in-depth as the INTP’s encyclopedia writer, however, because it doesn’t have time to be. Ideas are flowing a mile a minute in an ENTP’s mind, and the Ti support guy doesn’t get paid enough to dig into them as far as he might otherwise. Besides, Ne moves on so quickly to the next big idea that Ti’s efforts would be wasted digging further.

ENTPs run on Ne, so they look like Ne. Things that are said in conversations spark random connections, and sometimes, it might even happen from things they say and send the whole conversation on a sudden tangent mid-sentence. When they don’t let Ti screen the ideas before speaking them, they can just sound like Crazy Idea Man who doesn’t sync with reality.

INTPs work things in the opposite direction, with Ti getting the final say, so they won’t have the same effect of seeming like they’re thinking as they go. They don’t consider the thought to be worth expressing until Ti’s had a chance to look into it, and that doesn’t generally happen on the fly — Ti’s too thorough to let the words out that casually.”

INTPs and ENTPs, while similar, can be strikingly different. Both types go through “phases”, during which they are hyper-fixated on a certain topic, and want to learn everything about it. However, INTPs tend to go much deeper into their research, and, because of that, and their higher Si, their obsession tends to last more. ENTPs, however, with their inferior Si, and dominant Ne (which craves change and opportunities 24/7), can’t be boxed within one idea for long periods of time, and their phases usually last up to a week, while their Introverted cousins usually devote a month/month and a half to their newfound interest. I have also found INTPs returning more often to old obsessions than ENTPs (possibly because of their higher Si).

Other differences:

Due to their dominant Ne, ENTPs show their goofy, trolling and positive side to everyone they meet, and their cynical and rational side shines only when in the presence of people they know well. Likewise, INTPs show their cynical, intelligent and rational side to acquaintances, while their quirks surface amongst friends.

ENTPs usually come across as charming, and they can pick up signs of how people around them are feeling. They see the world as a game, and like to tease, manipulate, or find out ways to make people do as they want. INTPs, due to their inferior Fe, are completely oblivious to feelings, and are content approaching social situations only in theory. “I could manipulate this person, but why should I?” “I could put laxatives in this person’s drink, but why would I?”. INTPs’ Ti acts as a filter against pointless, but fun decisions. ENTPs’ Ti doesn’t have that much power.

ENTPs are much more rebellious against anything that can take away their freedom, while INTPs see the value in conventional order and traditional forms of structure, and are a bit more patient with it.

ENTPs, due to their inferior Si, are much more impulsive, and tend to “leap before they look”. INTPs, however, are more in touch with their Si, leading them to be more cautious, which can grow into complete paranoia during the time they develop it (late teens - early adulthood)

INTPs, due to their inferior Fe, can be extremely self-conscious about everything. This can range from self-hate to meticulously inspecting anything they say or do, in a fear of not accidentally offending anybody, or saying something embarrassing. ENTPs also have this problem, albeit to a much lesser degree.

Both types are prone to ignoring the outside world and get completely engrossed in a project or an idea, but, because of their status as Introverts, INTPs are more likely to do so for longer.

ENTPs tend to appear energetic and outgoing to others, even though they experience long periods of introverted focus and analysis. INTPs tend to appear laid-back and reserved to others, even though they have bouts of excitement and enthusiasm.

INTPs desire to be independent and self-reliant much more than ENTPs. They tend to think they are the only person who can do the job perfectly, according to the standards set by them. ENTPs aren’t as reluctant to ask for help.

When ENTPs have an idea, they jump at it and would rather change the obstacles in the world that prevent its execution, rather than change the idea itself. When INTPs have an idea, they take their time to customize it to fit both the rules of the world around them and to live up to their standards.

“ENTPs are on an eternal quest for possibility, backed up by logic and accuracy. INTPs are on an eternal quest for truth, backed up by possibility.”

Hope this helps! I would recommend reading these two profiles for the two types, as they are good and go into functions:

ENTP

INTP

You might also wanna check the 16personalities profiles, they don’t go into functions, but I like them (even though they have a HUGE iNtuitive bias)

Sources used:

Quora thread

A very good article on Thought Catalog

[jeepersjeeves]

Sketchbook Excavation Tour 1/??

(Future Note): I'm fortunate enough to still do this! Came back home after spending time out of town, only to get displaced for a month. My sketchbooks somehow survived, though, so I guess I'll just tear through them with a bit less fanfare than this one. There have been bigger fish to fry.

Also, I spent way too much time trying to explain myself, worried that I'd come off as preachy and not really knowing what I'm talking about, and now, the iron is ice cold, and the thoughts shared in this entry are no longer fresh on my mind. So, I'm just going to post this and move on.

Here's the first of many sketchbooks. This one is from high school. A classmate of mine gave it to me, because she didn't like the paper quality, if I recall correctly.

I vividly remember the feel of drawing in this sketchbook. The pages felt super grainy, like nothing would stick and would just immediately smudge. So, half of the sketchbook is still blank haha

I did this thing where I wanted to journal while traveling, and this page was supposed to be where I kept track of finances.

I rather liked the idea of anthropomorphic(?)finances(?), and I liked their contrasting fashion sense, one being more relaxed than the other, so I thought I'd give these designs some more attention.

I wanted to emphasize that visual contrast between the two, so I focused on giving them a more obvious shape language, as seen in the first two images.

Retrospectively, after I had drawn everything, I revisited the above image and took notes of what I wanted to keep and what I felt should be further developed or adjusted.

These are things like keeping the contrasting silhouettes of the boots, getting rid of the glasses on the left deign, and putting more thought into the design of the hair. Some of this is reflected in the final image of this post.

I still feel a bit sheepish about this page of sketches, but, I scribbled some forms to get an overall feel of the design, and how the clothing would look from different angles and poses. Also tried to hash out what I wanted the sleeves to look like.

Around this point, I started to visualize them more as bankers, so I thought of their outfits more as uniforms.

Once I had a series of design elements that I felt I liked, I drafted up these designs to see how they'd come together. I was also pretty excited about color, so I added color too, just to see how it would look.

So this is where I'm at right now. I think there could stand to be a bit more variation. Guy on the left also looks a tad too similar to another design I worked on not too long ago, so I might give this another pass.

Either way, though, it was fun, and I like them well enough. Gotta come up with names.

Extended ramblings under the cut.

Clothing Variations

I still have some thoughts, like, while drawing the guy on the left, I kept Persona 3’s Akihiko Sanada in mind, particularly Sarah Kipin’s rendition of him. In keeping with the round silhouette, I thought of adding round and broad shoulders, which would lead downwards into round fists, making me think of an old-fashioned boxer. And because of this round silhouette, I opted to give him a sweater vest instead of a regular* (?) vest.

The material of a sweater vest is soft, you see, which I thought would help with creating a more round silhouette, and I thought that'd contrast nicely with the sharper feel of a more traditional vest with coattails, but because I wanted to give them a uniform, those two articles of clothing felt too different from each other. I'll have to spend more time with it and do some research, maybe on uniform variations or something. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking about, like, a three-piece suit, but it didn't quite come out that way, I think because I was so set on the vest idea, and was trying to depict two different types of vests, rather than a vest-jacket combo. Mixing up the latter (wearing just a vest, just a jacket, both, etc.) has more cohesion than two types of vests, I would think.

Something Something Visual Tropes

That thing with Akihiko is what I want to refer to as visual tropes. I read it once in the comments section of a video art tutorial, and I think it‘s applicable here. Though I guess “visual signifyer” might be more appropriate. Still, I think ”tropes” gives it that nuance of “design elements that are commonly or repeatedly used to convey certain ideas”.

So, when someone says that a drawing looks like [famous anime character], I think that it’s an interesting way to examine what design elements it might have in common, and even to see where those design elements might trace back to.

I think it’s worthwhile enough for me to start doing more often, so I’ll try it and report back

Design Process

A previous venture in character design led me down a similar mode of thinking while drawing these two, and now I've scrounged together a sort of thought process when it comes to designing characters. I'd distill this down to "ideation then research". Can I say that? Ideation?

Basically, get all the ideas out there first, and then ask questions about what you drew (why did I draw this? what led me to this?) and to research elements that you're not quite familiar with (what does this actually look like/how does it function?). I mean, it all sort of remains in the abstract, but feeling my way around along these parameters really helped me to get the ball rolling, got me excited and curious, and helped me to feel a bit more intentional about what I was designing. I tend to put the cart before the horse, when it comes to both drawing and storytelling, wanting to create something that falls into place on the first try, but I've found more value in working with your gut reaction. You have a more active voice that way, there's more problem solving, you arrive at the result in the literal sense.

Application

So yeah (this is the last thing), I wanted to make them NPCs for a western-themed game idea (will explain later) that I had about a summer ago. The combination of banking uniforms and western-like accessories (the bolero tie, sleeve garters, and boots) had me thinking about, well, westerns.

So that's that! :v

*I did a google search and it seems like most vests were made out of silk. Bless Wikipedia. At a glance, it reminded me of details like single and double-breasted coats, as well as U and V necks. There’s a lot of potential here, and opens up more design options for a vest alone.

[born-to-make-pirozhki]

The Food Eyecatches in Yuri!!! on Ice

So I just noticed that each dish’s name is the in the background of the eyecatches, and I feel silly for not having noticed them before! I’m a huge foodie, so I decided to look into each of the dishes featured during the commercial breaks of the show! Sources, including image sources, are provided at the end of each section.

Episode 1: Pirozhki

Literally meaning “small pies” in Russian, pirozhki (пирожки) are little pies or buns that can either be baked or fried. They can be stuffed with savory fillings, such as meat, fish, vegetables, or potatoes, or sweet fillings, such as fruit, jam, or cottage cheese. They are often glazed with egg to produce its signature golden brown color. The traditional pirozhki we see in the show appear to be filled with beef and possibly cheese. (x) (x)

Episode 2: Katsudon

Katsudon (カツ丼) is a bowl of rice that is topped with deep-fried pork cutlets, egg, vegetables, and other condiments. The name of the dish is a portmanteau of the Japanese words tonkatsu (豚カツ), meaning “pork cutlet,” and donburi (丼), meaning “rice bowl.” There many different variations of katsudon, and the one that we see in the show is the most well-known, called tamago-toji katsudon (卵とじ カツ丼), meaning “egg-bound cutlet bowl.” A modern tradition has developed for students and athletes to eat katsudon the night before a test or sporting event for good luck, or afterwards as a reward, since the Japanese word “katsu” (勝つ) also can mean “to win” or “to be victorious.” (So this is actually not a tradition specific to Yuuri, it’s a Japanese tradition in general.) (x) (x) (x)

Episode 3: Shochu

Shochu (焼酎) (not to be confused with the Korean soju [소주] or the Chinese shaojiu [烧酒]) is an alcoholic beverage typically distilled from rice, but it can also be distilled from a variety of sources including barley, sweet potatoes, and buckwheat (soba). It is typically 25% alcohol by volume, which is stronger than wine and sake, but weaker than whiskey and vodka. It originated in the Japanese region of Kyushu, and the particular shochu pictured here is from the Saga prefecture, which is where Karatsu (the inspiration for Hasetsu) is located. It’s called “Makai heno Izanai” (魔界への誘), meaning “Invitation to Makai,” which is where the demons of Japanese folklore live.

This shochu is produced by using black koji and sweet potatoes; black koji is a kind of mold that’s used to break down the starches in the potatoes so that they can start to ferment into alcohol. The kind of koji used greatly affects the final taste of the shochu, and black koji specifically gives shochu a signature strong aroma and a sweet and mellow taste. You can actually buy this exact shochu at Amazon.jp, though there are several countries they will not ship to, including the US. (The page also includes pictures of the distillery and the production process, so it’s worth checking out regardless!) (x) (x) (x) (x) 

Episode 4: Ika Sushi

“Ika” (イカ) is Japanese for “squid.” “Ika sushi” is actually an incorrect name for the particular dish pictured here, as sushi means sliced fish over rice. This particular dish is actually called ika no ikizukuri (イカの活造り), meaning “live squid sashimi” (yes, LIVE). It’s also a specialty of Yobuko town in Karatsu, which again is the inspiration for the show’s Hasetsu. It’s made by taking a live squid out of a tank and preparing it immediately, which keeps the squid’s transparent look. Here’s a video of the dish, where you can still see the squid twitching!!!! (x)

Episode 5: Kibi Dango

Kibi dango (吉備団子) are sweet confections made with glutinous rice flour called mochiko (もち米粉) (which is the same flour used to make mochi) and are sometimes filled with a sweet flavored syrup. Three to four dango are usually served on a skewer, and they’re often accompanied by green tea. There are many different kinds of dango, some of which are regional or are made during a specific time of year, like the hanami dango for cherry blossom season.

Kibi dango are from the former Japanese Kibi province, which is where the Okayama prefecture is today (Okayama is where the Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu Championship took place in episode 5). Originally, kibi dango were made from millet, and those are inextricably tied to the Japanese legend of Momotaro (Peach Boy), in which he touts them as the "number one” dango in Japan. Kibi dango confectioners will often tie Momotaro into their marketing so their products have that same positive connotation. Both kibi dango and Momotaro are very important aspects of the cultural heritage of Okayama. The kibi dango pictured here appear to be made with Okinawan purple sweet potatoes and are dusted with kinako (黄粉), which is roasted soy bean flour. (x) (x) (x)

Episode 6: Hinabe

Hinabe (火鍋) is the Japanese word for Chinese hot pot. Hot pot originated in the Chinese province of Sichuan, which is known for its spicy food, as a meal for port workers and fishermen. The idea was to mask poor and unappetizing cuts of meat (including offal, the insides and entrails of an animal) with lots of spices to disguise its low quality, but eventually hot pot became a very popular dish that now uses more fragrant spices and higher quality meat.

Having a hot pot meal is a unique experience (hence why Victor is so excited to go eat it!): Sharing family-style, you poach various raw ingredients--including all different kinds of thinly-sliced meat, seafood, noodles, dumplings, and vegetables--in different kinds of simmering broth (top picture) and then eat them when they’re finished cooking (bottom picture). There are also usually lots of really flavorful dipping sauces to use!

In the eyecatch, the soup on the left is Chinese herbal soup, a non-spicy clear soup made with chicken stock, ginger, scallions, goji berries, and dates. Cooked ingredients pictured here include shiitake mushrooms, spinach, and daikon radishes. The soup on the right is mala soup (麻辣火鍋), whose broth is made with Sichuan peppercorn, chili pepper, spicy bean paste, garlic, and a mix of aromatic spices--it can be so spicy that it can have a numbing effect! Cooked ingredients pictured here include chicken, daikon radishes, and wontons. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Episode 7: Shanghai Gani

“Gani” (蟹) is Japanese for “crab.” Specifically, this is Chinese mitten crab (上海毛蟹), also known as the Shanghai hairy crab, which is named for its furry claws that look like mittens (warning: pic is kind of creepy!). It’s a popular dish to eat in autumn (which is when the Cup of China takes place, hence its appearance here), and it’s a delicacy: It can cost $100 USD for two pounds of crabs! The crab pictured here has been steamed, which is the traditional Shanghainese way of preparing it, and it’s often served with dipping sauce made of rice vinegar, sugar, and ginger. (x) (x) (x)

Episode 8: Borscht

Originating in Ukraine, borscht (Russian: борщ or Yiddish: באָרשט‎) is a sour soup found in many Eastern European cuisines, and all of them have their own variation of the dish. There are so many different kinds of borscht that it would be difficult to cover them all here, so I’d check out the Wikipedia article if you’re interested. The borscht pictured here most likely includes meat or bone stock, sautéed vegetables, fermented beetroot juice (which provides the signature red color), sour cream (probably an Eastern European kind called smetana), and parsley. (x) (x)

Episode 9: Tsuboyaki

Wow, I cannot even believe how much trouble this one gave me. So from what I can find, it appears that this is a dish that you can really only find in Russian restaurants in Japan. (It’s kind of similar to pasta alfredo in that way, which is a dish that’s really popular in in Italian restaurants in America, but is not a traditional Italian dish, and the only places that you’ll find it in Italy are restaurants that cater to tourists.)

Anyway, so “tsuboyaki” (つぼ焼き) means “pot roast” in Japanese (though it usually refers to sazae no tsuboyaki, which is grilled turban shell), and it’s a Japanese take on Russian cream of mushroom soup that Japanese restaurants call “guribami” (グリバーミ) (”griby” [грибы] is just Russian for “mushrooms”), which you can see in the “after” eyecatch. It sometimes has potatoes or seafood in it, and it has a baked soft bread or puff pastry on top. You can then poke through the bread to eat it with the soup. The closest traditional Russian equivalent I could find is called gorshochke (горшочке), which are usually hearty meat-and-vegetable stews baked in traditional Russian clay pots with lids. The bread on top is optional, but the dough acts like a lid that keeps all of the heat inside the pot, and the bread then absorbs all of the yummy aromas! (x) (x) (x)

Episode 10: Paella

Paella is a saffron rice dish that originated in the Spanish region of Valencia. It’s baked in a traditional pan called a paellera, pictured here. It’s traditionally cooked over an open fire while burning orange tree branches, pine branches, and pine cones to infuse it with an aromatic smoke. Traditional Valencian paella (paella valenciana) usually includes chicken, rabbit, green beans, and other vegetables, but the more well-known take is the seafood paella (paella de marisco) pictured here. This paella includes mussels, shrimp, prawns, and calamari. (x) (x) (x)

Episode 11: Gambas a la Plancha

Gambas a la Plancha is Spanish for “griddled prawns.” The prawns are prepared using a griddle or large frying pan over an open fire, which retains all of the juices from the prawns that would otherwise drip through a regular grill. It’s a simple dish, usually made with olive oil, garlic, parsley, and lemon. They’re commonly served in Spain as tapas, which are small appetizers or snacks. (x) (x)

Episode 12: Pinchos

Pinchos, Spanish for “thorns” or “spikes,” are traditional Northern Spain snacks often eaten in bars or taverns while drinking wine and socializing. They’re an essential part of local culture particularly in the Navarre and Basque regions of Spain (though you’ll usually find them on a skewer in Basque, where they’re called “pintxos”). They’re similar to tapas (and are sometimes just called tapas in some parts of Spain), but pinchos will always have a toothpick or skewer, often attached to a piece of baguette-style bread. Common ingredients in pinchos include cooked or smoked fish, seafood, pickles, cheese, peppers, eggs, and jelly spreads. (x) (x) (x)

If you have any questions, corrections, or additions for any of the dishes or information in this post, please don’t hesitate to PM me!

[hotokeiki]

Week 127: J-pop              (St. Patrick’s Day special – IRISH~ish)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj-6P-jMT_g

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

I’m not gonna throw in the minna this time. That was weird…. yes it was.

Anyway, it’s now been over a month since my last post. Cuz that was Valentine’s Day, and White Day was Tuesday. Mou~ Kurisu no BAKA!!

I don’t feel like I’m obligated to explain, but I want to, so I’m gonna. Basically, I’ve been super stressed lately, and feeling overwhelmed by all the things I have “to do”.

My mind set hasn’t been great, and I’ve just felt like I don’t have time to do anything, which isn’t true. I’ve had a lot of time, but I tried to take my mind off my stress by watching Youtube videos, and then I ended up binge-watching. I wasn’t watching much anime, because those are longer than most of the videos I was watching. The problem is that when you binge-watch Youtube, it takes more time than watching a couple episodes of an anime.

I probably shouldn’t have gone on that road trip for Spring Break. My thinking for Spring Break was that I needed to catch up on school work and sleep. Josh has kept me on campus later more times than I care to count. We left campus when they were closing the buildings at 11:30 pm! So, I thought a change of scenery would be good, and I’d be able to catch up on sleep and school. Yeah, I didn’t know what I was getting into.

I’m in the process of making an update that will explain the whole trip in detail (look out for that), so I will summarize here.

I thought that we were going to drive down to Kansas City, and stay there for the duration of the trip. A couple of days with some intermittent activity, and time for me to catch up on sleep and do some homework. The details were a little fuzzy for the whole thing, and he said that we would play it by ear to a certain extent, which we did.

It was by no means a bad trip. I had a good time. It was kind of hectic at times, but a refreshing change of scenery.

We spent one night in each hotel, and spent a lot of time driving. And in some cases, we ended up at the hotel fairly late, so I slept in as much as I could. We also didn’t spend much time in any of the hotels, so I didn’t really have time to do any homework. We left on Saturday and got back on Thursday night.

When I got back, I ended up doing what I had done previously, and didn’t get anything done over the remainder of the break.

Anyway, long story short (Linda: Oh, we’re WAY past that point ;p)

.. shut up, Linda XD

I haven’t been very productive, but I’m doing better now. I feel like I actually have time to do this post, and get my homework done. Plus, this blog is important to me, and I think it helps me resolve things. It’s just good to get my thoughts out.

Anyway, it’s St. Paddy’s Day. Oh boi George, it’s that toym again.

As Oi’ve mentioned before, Oi’m a wee bit’Irish. O’Costelle on me mother’s mother’s soyd.

(I just watched this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwf08LmchUY&feature=share)

So, I kept the Irish and the Japanese separate this time. XD

Or did I?

Linda: Oh no..

So, let’s get to the post, let us.

XD

Clover♣Kakumation by Triple♣Feeling is the first opening to Sansha Sanyou.

I haven’t watched the show, so here’s a summary from the Wikipedia article:

 The story revolves around the everyday life of three high-school girls who all have a kanji "葉" (literally "leaf") in their names, and have different features - hence the translation of the title, "three leaves, three colors".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Leaves,_Three_Colors

 (Not much to go by, but I’ll definitely watch it at some point.)

 So, just like my first post this year (Week 126: PUNCH☆MIND☆HAPPINESS), I found this song on that really long list video of kawaii anime openings.

 Here’s the link again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAFwFJ9gJnk (It’s number 26)

 Seeing that little bit from the video was really exciting, because I’ve never heard anything like that before. It had quite an impact, so I found the full version, cuz that’s what I do.

 And after listening to the full version, I said I am going to post this for St. Patrick’s Day!

I was actually plannin’ to post this next week, since I missed the Monday-to-Wednesday window, but I can post on a Friday if I want. Especially if it’s St. Paddy’s Day, by jaysus!

 The beginning of the song and the verse have a quicker feel, and some of the singing has a fast rhythm. The chorus also has the same feel. Parts of it remind me of river stomp. And the instrumentation also has bit o’v an Irish feel to it, ya know? It just sounds like Irish J-pop to me, and I love it.

 While keeping the Irish feel, this song also switches feels. The verse has a completely different feel to the lead up to the chorus, which both have a different feel than the chorus. And the bridge sounds completely different, and sounds the least bit Irish, but it works so well (fusawashii~) and is so refreshing (sugasugashii~). The voices also blend very well with each other while being quite different.

 The transitions are flawless, and my main complaint is that it’s too short! It’s just a really fun song that’ll keep your attention with its great instrumentation, good harmonies, and rhythmic melody.

 Have I mentioned that I really like this song?

 Linda: Yes.

 (*sigh* that was supposed to be rhetorical, Linda.)            

 Now, as the Wikipedia article mentioned, the three girls have the kanji "葉" in their names.

 “Sansha Sanyou” in the original kanji is 三者三葉

 breaking it down:

 三 - Onyomi: “san” (three)

 者 - Onyomi: “sha” (person)

 葉 - Kunyomi: “ha”, Onyomi: “you” (leaf)

 (I don’t see anything about 者 meaning color. So it could be very seldom used, or it’s another case of English titles making no sense. I hope it’s the former.)

 The (sansha) “three people” (and the members of Triple♣Feeling) are:

 1. Futaba Odagiri (小田切 双葉) -> Odagiri Futa(ba): 小田切 双(葉)

- Onyomi: “ba”, which is how you pronounce “ha” when preceded by a vowel.

 2. Teru Hayama (葉山 照) -> (Ha)yama Teru: (葉)山 照

- Onyomi: “ha”

 3. Youko Nishikawa (西川 葉子) -> Nishikawa (You)ko: 西川 (葉)子

- Kunyomi: “you”

 (Switched to family name followed by given name to relate to the kanji.)

 I think it’s cool that they all have the same kanji in their names, but it’s pronounced differently in each!

 And also, incorporating that into the title. Well done, Arai Cherry! Up ya boyo! XD

 I’m definitely gonna check this out at some point.

 Oh, right. Here’s the full version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evEV3IzWJfA

 You thought I forgot? Nah, I’ve been listening to it on and off for the last hour or so. That’s usually how these posts go. It’s really fun! XD

 I also think it’s really cool that they worked every aspect of the full song into the opening, including the bridge. It perfectly captures the song!

 Also, if you want lyrics, THAT ARE WRONG, here you go:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRsh_vbaVvY (WRONG LYRICS)

 Did I mention THESE AREN’T THE ACTUAL LYRICS? I can’t stress enough that THESE LYRICS ARE WRONG!!

 After watching it through and racking my head, because I knew, with the little Japanese I know, that the lyrics were wrong.

 I was so confused that I looked up the lyrics. There isn’t really an English translation of the lyrics that I was able to find. Let me know if you find any, but I was surprised to see that the word SATAN is in the lyrics.

 … Maybe, I shouldn’t’ve posted this on SAINT Patrick’s Day. XD

 And Kissanime doesn’t appear to have subs on the opening, so we’re doomed. XD

And here’s a really cool orchestral version that I found.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewt7ldiufhc

 This guy does some really cool stuff, and I found out that two of the songs that had been reposted on SoundCloud were from his channel! Both songs were arrangements of songs from Madoka Magica.

 It’s been a really interesting day. XD

 Album: TV Anime “Sansha Sanyou” Opening Theme Clover♣Kakumation Track: 01 Lyricist: Ogura Asuka Composer: Ogura Asuka Arranger: manzo Artist: Triple♣Feeling

- Futaba Odagiri (CV: Mai Kanazawa)

- Teru Hayama (CV: Ayaka Imamura)

- Youko Nishikawa (CV: Yuu Wakui)

 (I just wrote the kanji for Lyrics, Composition, and Arrangement in Google Translate, because the words were embedded in the page. The things I do for J-pop.)

 Well, I thought this was going to be a short post.

 Haha XD, I’m naïve

 Well, it feels good to get back in the swing of things. And I will make an asserted effort to post on the regular schedule, as well as just make better use of my time and stress out less.

 It’s been a while, but you know the drill. If you have any questions or requests, please let me know.

 You have oodles of ways to find me… and kill me.

Never mind, this isn’t Taken. XD

 Alright, I’ll catch ya next week.

 Ja!

 (Note: It is now after midnight, so this is not goin’ up on St. Paddy’s Day. XD)

 (By jaysus, did I make a right hayms o’ this post? XD)

 - Chris  ——————————————————————————- Minna, gokitai kudasai!!

[rebeccahpedersen]

Toronto’s Downtown Office Market Is On Fire!

TorontoRealtyBlog

Let’s take a little break from residential real estate, just for a day.

Although to be fair, residential real estate in the downtown core and commercial/office space are joined at the hip.

As more and more businesses move downtown, so too will the people that they employ.

Would it surprise you to know that commercial office space vacancy is near an all-time low?  It shouldn’t…

Do you remember something called…………the stump?

I do.

And perhaps you will too, with just a little reminder.

But let me flush this quiz out a little longer.

Which downtown Toronto office building would you say is the most noteable?

Is it Scotia Plaza?  The iconic and unmistakeable maroon tower that sold for a well-publicized $1.27 Billion in 2012?

Is it BCE Place, now “Brookfield Place,” which gives us both the Bay Wellington Tower as well as the better-known TD Canada Trust Tower, with the “TD” logo adorning the top of the building in bright green?

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the new(er) Bay Adelaide Centre, which is probably the newest, shiniest, and brightest (both in literal and metaphorical terms) downtown Toronto office tower.

Well, if you knew where I was going with “the stump,” then you knew that my answer to the question above has already been answered.

As red as Scotia Tower is, and as tall and overbearing as TD Tower is, I have to think that the Bay Adelaide Centre is the most noteable office structure at the moment, and perhaps that’s because it’s actually two towers (like TD), and there is a third on the horizon.

Maybe it’s because “Suits” was filmed in there!

Or because of the podium-style lobby, with sleek glass, and a very large extended sidewalk on the northeast corner of Bay & Adelaide that is somewhat reminiscent of a Manhattan-style office setup.  All that’s missing is a slew of one-way street, and yellow taxi cabs.

If you’re over the age of 40, I’m sure you can recall “the stump” that sat on the current site of the Bay Adelaide Centre for over a decade.

For those that don’t know, there were plans for an office tower on the current site of the Bay Adelaide Centre back in the late 80’s, and into the early 90’s, but then a massive recession hit, and having constructed underground parking already, the only above-grade structure completed was this:

(Photo from Wikipedia)

That “stump” remained intact for nearly 15 years.

I actually recall a Globe & Mail article from before construction started on the Bay Adelaide Centre…

……….wow, I found it!  Read it here: “End Nears For Toronto’s Bay Adelaide ‘Stump’” – July 19th, 2006.

That was an incredible find, if I may say so.  There’s nothing quite like digging through a trillion web pages on Google.

Here’s another description of the stump, this one from Wikipedia:

Construction began in 1990, but the developers soon ran into problems. The economy went into recession and office vacancy rates in Toronto rose to 20%. Construction was halted, and in 1993, with over $500 million already invested, the project was permanently put on hold. All that was completed was the underground parking garage and several storeys of the concrete service shaft that stood from 1991 onwards, as a monument to the failed project in downtown Toronto. The stump of the service shaft was known to security and the locals as “the bunker” or simply “the stump”. The parking garage was in operation, and the stump itself was used as a surface on which to mount advertisements.

–

Circle back to the Globe & Mail article from 2006, and note that the downtown office vacancy rate was 6.8%.

And what are vacancy rates today, you ask?

How about 2.4%.

Wow!  2.4%!  That’s………..double the vacancy rate in the rental market!

Kidding, kidding.  Let’s not go to the rental market today, we’re liable to be here all night.

One of the websites I frequent in order to keep on top of news in commercial real estate (since it’s not like the Globe & Mail and Toronto Star are doing weekly round-ups about office space) is a site called The Real Estate News Exchange, or RENX.

Today, they provided the following about the downtown Toronto office market:

  Toronto CEO “All In” On Downtown Toronto Office Market By: Don Wilcox 6/14/2018

With two major office projects which will deliver more than two million square feet of space to the market, Cadillac Fairview CEO John Sullivan says his company is “all-in” for downtown Toronto.

“We’re excited,” he told RENX in an interview Wednesday. “We’ve got two very large developments going on in downtown Toronto and we’ve got 10 million square feet here already. So we’re all-in for Toronto.”

Sullivan was speaking just a few hours after announcing CF’s latest downtown development, a 46-storey office tower at 160 Front Street West in conjunction with Investment Management Corporation of Ontario. When shovels go into the ground in January, it will be Cadillac Fairview’s second major office tower to begin construction in just over a year.

CF is already building the 33-storey 16 York just a few city blocks away.

The $800-million Front St. tower includes 1.2 million square feet of office space, while 16 York contains about 878,000 square feet. It was projected to cost about $479 million.

“We’re excited about this project, we’re excited about 16 York and looking forward to a successful lease-up of both,” Sullivan said.

The most recent figures peg Toronto’s downtown office availability rate at a very tight 2.4 per cent (via Cushman & Wakefield). Any existing significant office projects which will be delivered prior to 2020 are already up to 90 per cent preleased, leading most observers to predict at least two more years of limited availability.

Sullivan said the ongoing restriction in the downtown Toronto market dictated the timing of 16 York and 160 Front St., which are both premium projects. Plans for the Front St. tower were actually filed with the city about four years ago, so CF faced a decision back in 2016 on which project to proceed with first.

“At that moment in time, we had both projects ready to go and we decided to go ahead with 16 York. If you recall, we went ahead without any preleasing,” Sullivan said. “16 York is the smaller of the two projects, so that was a conscious decision.

“We are a year into it right now and if you go by the site I think we are on the third floor right now, coming out of the ground. We’ve had an enormous amount of interest and a lot of success in preleasing there.”

First National Financial will be one of the anchors at 16 York, he said, and one other key tenant is also signed, though Sullivan said that deal remains confidential.

“We have a few other ones that are about to be signed, such that we will be well in excess of half leased in a short period of time,” he said. “(Leasing) has gone extremely well. We’re not even going to be finished this building until 2020. And the new one we’re not going to finish until 2022.”

At 160 Front, meanwhile, the Ontario Teachers’ Pension Plan was announced as the first anchor tenant. The OTPP, which also owns CF, will take nine floors of the tower, or about 21 per cent of the total office space, Sullivan said.

Although there are no other firm commitments at this point, but Sullivan said there has been strong interest in the project during its planning stages.

“It would be safe to say we’ve had discussions with a number of larger tenants. At this stage we are not interested in renting one floor, we’re looking at a much larger space,” he explained. “There is lots of interest. To be frank a number of them were waiting to see if we were going ahead with it. Now that we are, I think those discussions will accelerate.”

He said there are several major factors driving the Toronto office boom, and none of his “top three” show any signs of slowing down.

“One I would call the flight from the suburbs back downtown. There’s a number of office tenants that either left downtown and went to the suburbs that are coming back, (or) in some instances office tenants that have always been in the suburbs that feel now they have to be located somewhere in the downtown area,” Sullivan explained.

“You also have the technology space. An enormous amount of growth. You have tenants that start out with one floor and five years later they are 10 floors. You have a massive amount of growth in that space and they all want to be downtown.

“Finally, the one which has been really a bellwether for Toronto over the years is the financial services sector. They continue to grow.

“So when you put those three together alone, I think they are responsible for a large part of the strong market which you see today.”

With the addition of 160 Front, the 72-million square foot Toronto office market will see a significant addition of new, premium space from 2020-2023.

The delivery times for these two towers are similar to another massive downtown project, the 81 Bay CIBC Square development by Ivanhoe Cambridge. That will deliver 1.5-million square feet into the downtown with the completion of the first 49-storey tower in 2020, and a second, 1.4-million square foot tower is slated for delivery in 2023.

Like those competing towers, both CF buildings are being constructed to meet LEED Platinum and WELL certification requirements. Sullivan trumpeted Cadillac Fairview’s ongoing sustainability and wellness programs and commitments throughout its portfolio, and said both projects will echo that philosophy.

Although the exterior of 160 Front might be very similar to the design presented in plans filed four years ago at city hall, the interior will be anything but.

“Technologically every year that goes by we improve that. So as we sit here today the technology that will be implemented at this project will be state of the art,” Sullivan said.

“We’re leaders in that (sustainability) space and we’ve also been a leader in our Green at Work program, which is the whole sustainability side, which kind of overlaps both WELL and LEED. This (building) will be a key part of that program.”

    There’s a lot to discuss after reading the article above, but one thing really jumps out at me.

In the 2006 Globe & Mail article, it was noted that the three additional office towers being built would “push the vacancy rate up to 10.6%” from a 3.9% projected rate in 2008, but an actual 6.8% rate in 2006.

The RENX article says the following:

Any existing significant office projects which will be delivered prior to 2020 are already up to 90 per cent preleased, leading most observers to predict at least two more years of limited availability.

Well no kidding.

It’s hard to add vacant units to the marketplace when they’re already pre-leased!

When condominiums are completed, they’re quite often rented out.  Investors who purchased units in pre-construction will lease the unit out during occupancy and registration, which can sometimes take up to two years.  So when most new downtown condominiums are completed, we often see 20%-30% of the units come up for lease.

I never thought I’d say this, but it seems as though the lease market for downtown office space is perilously tight, as is the lease market for residential.

Now what does this say for the future of the downtown condo market?

When I was on the Toronto Life panel two weeks ago, somebody in the audience asked about the future of condo prices, “If more and more businesses are moving out of the city, and if ‘working-from-home’ becomes a go-to employment model.”

Perhaps the question should have been the exact opposite.

With big-tech on the rise in Toronto, Google Sidewalk Labs on the horizon, and ten million square feet of new office space planned for the downtown core in the next decade, won’t the employees who work for these firms need some place to live?

The post Toronto’s Downtown Office Market Is On Fire! appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2tbeyBl

[joyfilledwander]

For me, it began in January 2016. I had seen a few Facebook posts and Internet articles about this Broadway show called Hamilton: An American Musical. I can’t say I remembered much about Alexander Hamilton from history class past the $10 bill and the milk commercial. But the cast album had reached #1 on Billboard’s RAP CHART. And I was curious. So I opened Spotify and began to listen to an album that would impact my entire year.

I was immediately captivated by the album. I’ve been a HUGE Broadway fan for years, but less of a rap & hip-hop fan. Still, I was hooked. However, I admit I had to open the Wikipedia page for the show to fully follow what was happening. But soon after my first listen, I went back for more. And more. And more. Until it was all I was listening to. Each time I listened, I heard new lyrics and understood new levels of creativity and significance in the words. Then, came the podcasts.

I’m relatively new to the world of podcasts, only since late 2015 have I been a complete podcast addict. And so in my podcast immersion, I found PodForHam, which took my fandom to a new level. Each week, a group of panelists would talk about just one song on the album, and bring even more thought and insight into this recording that I already loved.

Then, YouTube. Not only was I constantly scouring for show clips, but I religiously followed the Hamilton YouTube Channel for the latest Ham4Ham show. I found the circa 2009 White House performance, and the 2016 White House revisit. I loved the music, and the genius in the writing. Now, I was falling in love with the creators & cast. Lin-Manuel Miranda, you were my 2016.

I read the Ron Chernow Alexander Hamilton biography.

I watched the show win award after award. 

I listened to the Mixtape.

I devoured the Hamiltome, or Hamilton: The Revolution, the epic chronically the birth of this show.

I followed the Hamilton SnapChat.

I learned the fastest Lafayette & Jefferson raps, pretending I’m Daveed Diggs.

I watched & rewatched the PBS special on Alexander Hamilton and the musical.

And finally, I got tickets.

See, we live in Asia [in case you didn’t know that], but we were traveling home to Florida in the States for my sister’s wedding in the fall. And we were flying round trip through Chicago because my husband’s family was nearby. Guess what else was coming to in Chicago in the fall of 2016?

Hamilton.

The day, the hour and the minute the tickets went on sale, I was ready. I was on the Ticketmaster website hoping & praying against all odds that we could get tickets. The website continued to crash. My phone wouldn’t load. It was 11pm Asia time. But I was committed. I took to Twitter. Someone on the #HamiltonCHI hashtag feed talked about scoring tickets with the automated phone service. I was in it to win it. And I won. We got 4 tickets to see it the day before we flew back to Asia.

November 2016, we were in Chicago. Ready. Seats in the balcony, center stage. The lights dim and the orchestra swells. And the ever-so familiar chords begin and the music becomes alive on the stage before me. Characters I’d only seen in my head, now dancing and singing and rapping in the flesh. Part of me wanted to sing every single word, the other part sat in rapt awe.

Ready for the show to begin

Great seats with the family

Beyond excited

I don’t actually think I can put into words the full experience, you just have to see it. But here’s what I remember most. The company, the surrounding dancers and vocalists, BRING THE SHOW TO LIFE. Always moving, never still, they create an impressive atmosphere. I couldn’t stop watching their every move. The set was epic. The choreography was stunning. Each character simply shined. I was especially struck by the performances of Hercules Mulligan [played by Wallace Smith] & King George [played by Jin Ha]. I love their songs and moments during the cast recording, but their presence on stage stole the show. I couldn’t watch anyone else but them while they were on stage. The number which most surprised me was The Reynolds Pamphlet, a song I love on the cast album, but was a show stopper live. THERE’S SO MUCH HAPPENING ON STAGE! Not surprisingly, Satisfied, Wait for It, and The Room Where It Happens brought down the house. I loved Hurricane SO MUCH MORE live as well [sorry, Lin]. I openly wept during It’s Quiet Uptown. So many emotions in one night! It was literally a dream come true.

How could a perfect night get more perfect? We were able to go backstage. A friend of a friend was part of the ensemble and graciously offered to meet us backstage and show us the set, up close and personal. She was lovely, and an incredible dancer in the show. The stage is even more magical when when standing on it. What an experience.

On stage with Sam, part of the Hamilton Chicago company

My Hamilton date

That stage!

I wish I could explain why this show has impacted me the way it has. 2016 was a controversial year in modern American politics, and it was almost refreshing to rediscover that American politics were controversial in 1800 as well. The show captures what I love most about America… which is everything from a poor immigrant working his way up to a national leader who steps down without fuss or bloodshed. Watching President Obama step down and hand the office over to President Trump in January, all I could do was sing One Last Time. I love the fact that I couldn’t live further away from America, yet this album and social media frenzy impacted me. It’s universal. Throughout the musical, Alexander Hamilton is wrestling with his legacy and how he is going to be remembered. It’s a love story & it’s tragedy, it’s political backstabbing & it’s war battles. It’s hope, regret, accomplishment, love and loss. How can you not love this?

So this is my love letter to Alexander Hamilton, to the musical, and to Lin-Manual Miranda and the others who brought this show to life. I hope it runs for years and I get to see it many more times. See it when you can, however you can. It really does blow us all away.

Check out my SnapChat Story from Chicago and Hamilton!! Hamilton: My American Obsession For me, it began in January 2016. I had seen a few Facebook posts and Internet articles about this Broadway show called…