#I was actually searching some places to do it internationally lately

[queerbenched]

hey is the temporary shop available for shipping worldwide?

unfortunately not, it's a brazilian only delivery :(

[tamyrawilliams]

TASK #003: DO NOT GO GENTLE

“Breaking news! From unnamed sources we’ve learned that international superstar, Tamyra Williams’ private plane has not landed at Heathrow Airport in London. According to our sources, the plane was supposed to land hours ago and nobody has seen or heard from the plane since it left LAX at the scheduled time. Authorities declined to comment at this time. Our good wishes go out to Tamyra Williams and everyone else on the plane, hoping for their safe return soon.”

Lanelle Williams was sitting in the living room, the tv quietly going in the background while she was going over her script pages for the next day. She was in the middle of shooting a (relatively) smaller part in what she hoped to be a big blockbuster movie in the theaters next year. If everything would go well, her role in the second movie would jump from a small role to the main character, where she truly would get to shine - the whole arc of the character through the two movies as a whole was what sold her on taking up the role in the first place.

Khalon was somewhere in his study, working. She wasn’t exactly sure what project he was working on, or if he was even working on any project at the time - he just stormed off in the middle of dinner and hasn’t emerged since, something that has been happening more and more lately. She enjoyed the quiet for now, but she knew in an hour, maybe two, either Khalon would emerge from the study to make amends, or she’d go look for him and try to smooth things over. It was never one clear person, who initiated at all times, and Lanelle was okay with that.

She didn’t pay attention to the tv, it was just a background buzz mostly - she couldn’t learn the lines in complete silence, she never could, she needed something. What did catch her attention, though, was Tamyra’s name, and she looked up to see what they were saying about her daughter. She assumed it would be about a new project of hers, or maybe some paparazzi got a shot of her arriving in London on her way to Nakeisha, and they decided breaking her privacy like that was newsworthy.

When she looked up at the screen, though, she frowned. Not the imagery she was expecting. As she started paying attention to what was being said, her stomach started to sink and a cold, indescribable, horrid sensation settled inside of her.

“KHALON!” she called for her husband, but no reply. “KHALON, YOU NEED TO COME OUT HERE.” The desperation and panic in her voice was apparent, but she couldn’t move from where she was sitting.

“For fuck’s sake, Lanelle, I need more time, whatever it is, it can wait!” bellowed, annoyed and frustrated. Lanelle, for once, didn’t care one bit.

“KHALON, IT’S TAMYRA, COME OUT HERE AT ONCE!” She was screaming now, her hands slightly shaking, her brain telling her that it couldn’t be it. It couldn’t be true, that her baby girl was all right and well and it must have just been some kind of delay. Her plane probably landed earlier somewhere else for some technical reasons.

By the time her husband came out, the report was done and the news anchor moved onto something else, nothing at all important or news-worthy, as far as Lanelle was concerned. She wanted more information about Tamyra. The fact that nothing important was on the tv, though, meant that Khalon got even more pissed when he thought he came out of his study for nothing.

“Well? What was so important? She didn’t call, I would have heard the phone ringing, so what could it possibly--”

“They say her plane didn’t arrive.” The words tumbled out of her like a plea, almost as if Khalon himself would whip out all the evidence as to why Tamyra couldn’t be hurt, why she had to be okay, but instead he just stared at her like she lost her mind. Maybe he wasn’t that far away from the truth, especially if this news was true. “The news. They said her plane hasn’t arrived yet. And it should have, hours ago. Hours, Khalon. She would have already called at this point, if everything went okay.”

“She went to see Nakeisha, they probably got lost in catching up and she forgot to call.”

“Then why is the fucking news reporting that nobody can find her?”

Khalon was silent for one, two, three seconds, and every passing moment felt like an eternity of torture for Lanelle, even though she couldn’t think of any other valid, acceptable answer to her question. She could see Khalon’s fingers twitch next to his body, almost as if he was playing the piano, which only made her stomach sink even more. She knew every twitch, every movement of her husband, and that meant Khalon was stressing, panicking, he just had to hold it in. It was something Lanelle only really saw him on a job, when a problem arose that he had to solve, not in their house.

There was a first time for everything, it seemed. A horrible instance none of them ever considered could be a possibility.

“We need to call Nakeisha,“ he decided and strolled over to the phone and Lanelle turned back to the television. They were showing a picture of her daughter from the last event she’s appeared on - even looking at that picture hurt. Tamyra looked put together, ready to conquer the world, as always. It was such contrast to one of her latest memories of her little girl, curled up on the couch she was lying on fifteen minutes ago herself, passed out from tiredness, wearing a casual pj. She shouldn’t have let Tamyra go - but really, what could she have done to prevent this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She didn’t even realize Khalon had finished the conversation on the phone (or if he even had a conversation, really), one second she was staring at the television (which has at his point moved onto other news, but Lanelle could only see her daughter on the screen still), the next Khalon wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close to his chest, gently pressing a kiss to her cheek. And Lanelle knew, before he said anything else, that he didn’t have any good news to tell her.

The tears started streaming.

“It’s been a month since internationally known and loved actress, Tamyra Williams’ plane has disappeared from its scheduled flight from Los Angeles to London. Today the authorities officially announced that they are stopping the search for the remains of the private plane and the people who were aboard on the flight, and declared them, including Tamyra Williams, dead.

The actress’ parents remain silent aside from the single statement they made a week after the disappearance in which they’ve requested privacy and understanding in this trying times for them. Khalon Williams seemed to have postponed a project that would have expected him to be starting work in two days.”

Lanelle was sitting on the floor, her back against the sofa, as she watched the television. She had an almost empty bottle of vodka in her hand and she regularly took a swung of it (every single time she’s heard a news reporter talk about her daughter and every time she looked at the clock on the wall and realized that Khalon still hasn’t come home).

She had so many things to do - now that Tamyra has been officially declared dead, she needed to organize the funeral, she needed to actually go over to her place and pack it up, figure out what they wanted to keep and sell the rest, maybe offer it up for some charity or something. Figure out how to go on now that her daughter, her precious little daughter wasn’t around anymore, something that has never supposed to have happened. And the list of things to do could have possibly went on a lot longer.

And yet, she just sat there, in the dark at this point, drinking alcohol and letting the grief take over.

She wasn’t really sure how long she’s been sitting there for when she heard the front door open and then heard his voice. “No, I can’t do tha-- no, I’m not going to. And you have to stop calling me with this, my daughter jus-- Yes, you pointed it out but that doesn’t change the fact that Tamyra has-- I don’t know what you want from me and how else I could explain this. --No, I can’t talk right now, I just got home. --No, I’m not going to go see you, I need to see...”

This was when he walked into the living room and saw what kind of state Lanelle was in - who has since stumbled up onto her feet and was swaying in place, arms crossed, her fingers clutching onto the bottle of alcohol still. She could have thrown daggers at her husband with her eyes in that moment, if it was actually possible.

“Like I said, I have just arrived home, so I’m going to hang up now. I have things I need to take care of,” Khalon said and then hung up the mobile phone he had.

“Am I one of those things you need to take care of?” Lanelle sneered in anger.

“Honey, how long have you been drin--”

“Are we back here again?”

Khalon stopped for a moment, freezing, those fingers twitching just for a single second before he collected his composure. “Back where? You shouldn’t be drinking, Nelle. I know today has been rough, but we’ve talked about it. It’s not leadi--”

“Where have you been?”

“I’ve been out to get groceries.”

“Then where are the groceries?”

Another pause from Khalon, now an even longer one, before he let out a long sigh. “I ended up going for a drive instead. I needed to clear my head. Think.”

“Think?” Lanelle echoed, the word slurring. “You needed to think? What did you possibly need to think about, Khalon? About losing your daughter or about how to use that to fuck somebody else?”

Even the air froze around them fora moment, and thenk he spoke up again, “You’re drunk, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So you haven’t been talking with one of your side pieces?” Khalon paused just for a moment too long. “I knew it. I fucking knew it. You know, I thought we were over this. I looked the other way, you got it out of your system and I figured we could build things up together again. And now? You start this back up now?”

Khalon pinched the bridged of his nose and Lanelle felt a surge of pain hit her heart. Just like Tamyra. “I haven’t been out sleeping with anyone, Lanelle, not now, and not for a while. I don’t know what you think you’ve heard, but it wasn’t anything like that.” He stopped for a moment before adding, “You shouldn’t be drinking. Did you open that bottle after I left?”

Lanelle shook her finger in front of him, “No, you don’t get to--” she hickuped, “you don’t get to ask me that. You don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. You don’t even get to waltz into this house after-- after everything you’ve been doing off with your women while I am-- while we--”

The bottle slipped out of her fingers and broke on the floor with a loud crash and Lanelle realized she was crying again. She was drunk and angry and grieving and she didn’t even know what to do anymore. She looked up at her husband - probably only on paper, she wasn’t sure anymore, just like she wasn’t sure if she could take another loss -, and he hesitated for a moment before he stepped closer, cradled Lanelle’s face and pressed a kiss onto her forehead before he cradled up into his arms, rocking the two of them back and forth.

“I wasn’t seeing any women, I swear, my dear. I couldn’t do that to you, not since we lost our princess.”He ahs done it before, though, Lanelle knew that, so she was probably an idiot for beliving him this time around, but she couldn’t help it. She got lost in the comfort of his arms and when she could feel his tears streaming down, too, she forgot all the accusations. They were hanging onto each other as if their life depended on it. And maybe it has. Maybe this was the only way they could get through losing Tamyra.

(They could never properly get through it, though, not really.)

“The funeral of Tamyra Williams was held today. The news of the disappearance of the actress has shocked the entire world back in September. The talented woman was declared dead a month after her disappearance, and today her parents, director Khalon Williams and actress Lanelle Williams has held a funeral to say their final goodbye to their daughter. The couple has held an open ceremony for their daughter to allow the public to attend and pay their respects, if they wanted to - and the public wanted to. The crowd was huge, people wanting to say their goodbyes to a person who have made an impact on their lives. Once the official, open ceremony has ended, the parents held a smaller, more intimate gather of just close friends and family.

A woman who spent her entire life in the entertainment industry, delivering us movies that we will remember for years. In remembance of Tamyra Williams, you can watch Women of Life, which is considered to be Williams’ first adult role, later tonight.”

Lanelle found the birth certificate about three months after the funeral. Khalon and her relationship was hanging by a thread, but they were trying to make it work. Only they could understand the pain of losing their daughter, they had to stick together. Or so Lanelle thought.

She was drinking again - she was trying to do it less, but that only meant that she became smarter about it and hid it from her husband -, so when she found the certificate, she thought it must have been the alcohol. It had to be it, right?

But she blinked and She wasn’t even sure what she was looking for in Khalon’s study, she has forgotten about that the moment she’s seen the name on the birth certificate. Because it didn’t hit her immediately what she was holding in her hands, no. Lanelle thought it was Tamyra’s birth certificate first. Why else would any other person have her husband named as the father of the person.

And then she saw the name.

Clementine Ike. Born November 1, 1988. Father Khalon Williams.

Lanelle just stared and stared at the birth certificate, trying to force her brain to work through the haze of the alcohol and put the information together. She knew he has been sleeping around before, they even talked about it finally in the last couple of months, but Khalon has never mentioned a child. Another daughter. He said nothing was ever more than a mistake.

The timeline fit. They had a rough patched around that time, but they bounced back, and Lanelle has decided to not say anything even though she knew about the cheating. They stuck with each other through so much over the years, and they were good together, this was something she could forgive, in the end. Or so she thought.

As she was looking at the birth certificate of this girl she has never known about, she couldn’t stop thinking about Khalon with Tamyra. He was the one who started calling her their princess and it caught on. He adored his daughter as much as it was possible, he was so good and so sweet with her. They both had busy schedules, but whenever they got the chance, he was with her. Lanelle thought it was special. Lanelle thought the one woman he’d never betray was Tamyra.

And now all she could wonder if he was the same with this child, if he went to visit this Clementine more than he has seen Tamyra during her childhood. If he called this girl his princess, too. If he was finding solance in his other, new, shiny daughter after the loss of Tamyra.

This was the last staw. This was too much, even for her. She could forgive so much, she could look the other way, but a child he never told her about - what else was he hiding? How else was he disrespecting her? She couldn’t handle this, she couldn’t take this, she couldn’t just stay after this.

She downed the rest of her alcohol, packed a bag and called herself a cab. Before she left the house, she left the birth certificate and a short note on the coffee table in the living room. It read: “Don’t wait for me, I’m not coming back. Hope you’re happy with your new family. Rot in hell.”

“Lanelle Williams has filed for a divorce from Khalon Williams 8 months after the couple have tragically lost their daughter, Tamyra Williams. Lanelle Williams, in her public announcement, claimed that the reason for their divorce was incompatibility, but the two of them would always be connected through their daughter and would remain supporting friends to each other. Khalon Williams has not broken his silence over the matter yet.”

[pepethehobbit]

Wish you were here - A Notting Hill Au

So I guess the title is self explanatory. I just love love love Notting Hill so much and I couldn’t stop thinking about vds and now it’s here. This is the first chapter, I don’t know how many there are going to be but I will definitely continue writing it. This can be read without having watched the movie of course. So without further ado, here is the first chapter! Thank you for reading! It’s also on AO3.

It’s a quiet day. It always is actually. The shop is in a rather  quiet part of town, where not many tourists get lost in. The people who  come here are ones that specifically search for them and those aren’t  too many either. Apart from the one lost customer, who just asked for  the new Niels Destadsbader album on vinyl, no one else has come into the  shop today. Jens has to refrain himself from rolling his eyes at the  guy with a weird mullet like hair cut and clothes that looks like he   stepped out of an 80’s music video. What he does though, is share a look  of quiet exasperation and amusement with Sander who is stacking the   shelves with the new special edition vinyls of David Bowie’s Welcome to the Blackout  live concertalbum from his show in London in 1978. Jens took over the  shop from his father when he died and asked Sander to help him run it.  Because even though Jens loves music he is no expert in the area of  Bowie, Queen and the sorts. Those are the ones his father loved the most  which is why he opened the store to share his love for the music and  the artists.

Jens tries to inform the customer as kindly as  possible that they only sell the works of David Bowie, Queen and Pink  Floyd (as indicated on the front window of the shop, seriously, can’t  people read?) but that he is welcome to have a look around if he wants  to look for alternatives. Although he can’t really imagine that the guy  would find something for his music taste if he asked for Niels freaking Destadsbader in the first place. But to his surprise the guy stays and takes a look   around. Maybe he will actually buy something and Jens would make his   first sale for the day, or more accurately the week. Sander seems to   have finished shelving the new vinyls and comes up to Jens behind the   cash register.

“I’m gonna take my break now and meet Robbe for lunch, that alright?”  

Jens  smiles at him and nods in agreement. “Sure, I think I can handle this dumbass customer on my own.” Sander snorts in answer, gives him a pat on  the shoulder and says: “Alright, good luck. See you later.”

Still  behind the counter, Jens hears how the door shuts behind Sander and   tries to concentrate on what he sees as his real job. He’s supposed to   write the music for this period drama full of important Hollywood actors  and even though Jens is a secret sucker for a good Jane Austen movie he  isn’t feeling very inspired today. The struggle to create the perfect  romantic mood with his music probably stems from the fact that his own  love life is practically non-existent right now. The dates he has always  end up dumping him when he can’t find the time for them because of his  two jobs.  Alternatively, his dates find out he writes music for big  Hollywood films and hope that through him they get to meet some  celebrities, which is usually around the time where it’s Jens’ turn to  dump them. His last real relationship has been after he just finished  college. They were together for two years until Peter had to move across  country for his job and Jens wasn’t ready to follow him, because his  father had just died and he needed to take care of the shop. They stayed  in contact for a while but soon his ex-boyfriend met someone new and  Jens has had a series of dates which ranged from pretty pleasant to  mindnumbingly boring to deeply disturbing (aka the one time Sander and  Robbe tried to set him up with one of Sander’s art friend). But in the  last three years there hasn’t been anyone who Jens wanted to stay with  or who wanted to stay with Jens for that matter. Jens tries to shove the  thoughts of his non-existent love life aside and focuses on the musical  scores right in front of him.

He looks up easily distracted when  he hears the door again, expecting Sander who just forgot his wallet or  something, ready to throw a teasing remark his way when everything in  him freezes and his brain is trying to comprehend the person who just  stepped into his shop. He obviously tried to hide who he is with a snap  back on his head and sunglasses that he just tucked away in the pocket  of his jean jacket but Jens recognizes the bright blue eyes and the  blonde curls that stick out anyway.

Lucas van der Heijden.

Obviously  Jens knows who that is, basically everyone knows who that is. You would  have to live behind the moon to be oblivious of Lucas van der Heijden.  Here are the facts that Jens knows about him. He is an academy award  winning actor, he was actually born in the Netherlands but moved to the  UK with his family when he was a teenager, Jens has had a ridiculous  crush on him since he saw his first movie which jump started his acting  career (Jens may or may not have watched every single film of him  since), he came out as gay two years ago and most importantly, he is  currently standing in Jens’ old record shop.

Lucas van der  Heijden doesn’t seem to pay him any attention and begins to roam the  shop looking actually kind of interested. He is in front of the Pink  Floyd collection when Jens sees the 80’s music video customer put a  record inside his jacket. He actually kind of forgot that this person  was still in his shop and any kind of distraction in form of   internationally known, beautiful actors leave his mind when he goes to   deal with the thief. He walks up to him, clears his throat and taps him on the shoulder to turn around.

“I saw that you put the record   under your jacket, so either you are going to pay for that now or you   put it back, leave this shop right now and preferably never come back.”

Niels  Destadsbader guy looks at him with the dumbest expression Jens has ever  seen on another human being, while getting the record out of his   jacket. “I was going to pay for it later.”

Jens just scoffs,   snatches the record out of the guy’s hand and says: “Just leave man, I   don’t want you in my shop.” With that he walks back to the register   where the other customer is already waiting. Right. Lucas van der   Heijden was still in his shop, probably witnessed this whole mess and   looks like he wants to buy the Wish you were here album by Pink Floyd.

Jens  doesn’t notice that the thief follows him to the register and is now   looking awestruck at Lucas. But the actor doesn’t seem to notice as he   looks at Jens with wide eyes and their gazes meet for the first time. As  cliché as it sounds, Jens kind of forgets everything around him for a while and is unable to look away from the depth of Lucas’s ocean blue   eyes until a voice pulls him from his trance.

“Can I have your autograph?”

Lucas  seems slightly taken aback for a moment, glances at Jens once more with  an expression of disbelief but then turns with a charming smile towards  the guy who tried to steal from him just now. Jens honestly has no idea  what’s going on right now and can’t help but to continue looking at  Lucas.

“Sure. What’s your name?” Lucas continues to smile at the  thief and Jens is a little pissed that he is being so nice to the guy  who wanted to steal from him.

“Derek.”

“Well, Derek. Do you have something I can sign?”

Derek  scrambles for something in his pocket and gives Lucas a small book   which he opens on the first page along with a pen. Jens has a pretty   good view from where he is standing in front of Lucas behind the   register and can’t resist to have a look at what Lucas is writing. It’s pretty obvious that he is watching and he thinks he sees Lucas nudge the  book more in his direction to see it even better.

You’re an asshole, Derek. I hope your ridiculous hair cut makes it impossible for you to ever get laid.

Sincerely, Lucas van der Heijden

Jens can barely hold back the laughter when Lucas gives the book  back to Derek with a charming smile, who reads it, looks up with an even  dumber expression than the one when Jens confronted him, stutters a  “Thanks” and basically runs from the shop. Jens looks after Derek when  he leaves but notices that Lucas’ gaze is still on him. Jens turns his  attention back to him who looks like he can barely contain his smile,  their eyes meet again and just like that both of them break out laughing  while looking at each other.

Jens has heard Lucas laugh before.  Only in his movies of course but even there it sounded beautiful to  Jens. It doesn’t compare to hearing and seeing it right in front of him  and he has to refrain himself from ogling Lucas. He is sure that he has  enough of that in his life, which is probably why he came to the shop in  the first place, to hide.

Their laughing winds down and Lucas is  the first to speak, smile remaining wide on his face. “Well, that was   surely something. Do you think he will sell it on Ebay now?”

Jens  can’t help but snort and shake his head in disbelief. “If he wants to keep the last of his dignity it would be smart for him if he didn’t.”

“Yeah,  he didn’t really make the smartest impression to me, to be honest.”   Jens laughs again but doesn’t know what to say apart from “No, not   really huh”. Lucas fixates him with a curious gaze and stretches his   hand towards Jens. “I’m Lucas.”

Jens stares dumbly at the offered  hand and then up into Lucas’s face whose curious expression changed   into an amused one. After a few seconds too late Jens finally raises his  own hand to shake Lucas’s and tries to ignore the pleasant shiver that  runs down his spine when his fingers embrace the soft skin of Lucas’s hand.

“I’m Jens.” Lucas’s smile widens even more and he squeezes  Jens’s hand once more before letting it go. “Very pleased to meet you,  Jens.” And Jens never wants to hear someone else say his name ever   again, because from now on Jens only wants to hear his name when it is   leaving Lucas’s lips.

Jens doesn’t know what to say other than a stupid “Likewise” and it seems that this is the end of his conversation  with Lucas van der Heijden. The actor clears his throat, looks down at  the record he put down on the register and says: “I’d like to buy this  please.”

“Yeah right, of course, sorry.” Jens seems to have lost  his chill completely and curses himself in his head for it. Lucas is  just another customer, just because he is a world known actor and the  most beautiful man Jens has ever seen doesn’t mean that he should treat  him any different. Lucas probably has enough of those people in his  life. He scans the vinyl record of Wish you were here and tells Lucas his total. He pays, Jens bags it for him and with a last “Goodbye, Jens” Lucas freaking van der Heijden has left his shop and Jens’s life, probably forever.

When  Sander comes back from his break, smiling his Robbe induced smile Jens  still hasn’t moved from his place behind the counter. He sits there with  a stunned expression because what the actual fuck just happened.

[milknette]

day 01 - cafe

i'll make a cup of coffee, with the right amount of sugar.

tumblr month: @auyeahaugust

links: ao3 | ff.net

i.

MARINETTE doesn't exactly know what makes her answer yes.

Maybe it's from all the overnight shifts she's been taking, or the coffee fumes she's been inhaling daily finally taking a toll on her brain— or maybe it's because he's the most handsome man she's ever seen walk into her cafe (fact: it's most definitely the third reason), but Marinette can't bring herself to say no to him.

And as things always come with her, a well-intentioned yes easily snowballs into a mess of epically huge proportions. (Though in her defense, she doesn't know that yet.)

Marinette plasters on a smile directed at the customer. "Of course we do!" She replies, noticing a little too late that her voice is a notch higher than usual. "It's just that we don't— uh, have it now! Out of stock, haha, y'know how restaurants go… well, maybe you don't, but there's this thing called supply and demand, and… I mean, I don't want to assume you're dumb or anything— in fact, you're probably a lot smarter than me I went to a fashion university, can you believe that? Like, I went abroad and everything. I learned a lot then, but—"

Horrified that she was tripping over her words, Marinette inhales deeply, then wills herself to stop talking. "— so, anyway! We'll probably have it in stock some time soon, so come back then, okay? I'll have a piping hot coffee ready for you to drink with those pretty lips of y— I mean! Maybe I could call you when you can stop by?"

Marinette only has a moment to reflect on how suggestive that may sound before the customer laughs, effectively breaking her thoughts from spiralling any deeper than they already were.

"Sure," he says, and Marinette briefly wonders if love at first sight has more truth to it than others may believe. "Can I have your phone? I'll put in my number."

His voice is smooth and confident, and Marinette feels the burning need to disappear into a puddle. She hands over her phone gingerly, and takes a moment to appreciate his arms as they type away at the screen.

He returns her phone and smiles. "I'm really lucky I stopped by your cafe. I didn't think there was any place in Paris that had it available," the stranger explains. "Even when I was in America, it was already hard to get a hold of. So thank you…"

The stranger pauses, then looks down at her nametag. "Marinette." He nods his head toward her as a gesture of appreciation, then disappears out the door.

The moment he steps out of her cafe, Marinette feels her knees give out and falls to the floor.

And as she always does when she makes a mess of things, she calls her business partner.

"Alya, I may have messed up… again."

ii.

"What the hell is Kopi Luwak coffee?"

It's a valid question, and Marinette has no idea how to answer. After all, she doesn't actually know what it is either. "His order?" She answers back (completely unhelpfully).

Alya sighs, then pinches her forehead. She's the more level-headed one from the two of them, and therefore the one who always has to fix whatever mess Marinette had gotten into at the time. They're at her office— Alya usually handles the more managerial parts of running the business, whereas Marinette is more on the production of food and drinks side — as she inputs the term into the search bar.

The results are quick to show up:

KOPI LUWAK: THE MOST EXPENSIVE COFFEE IN THE WORLD!

Their faces consequently morph into ones of expectant horror. Alya clicks on the link, and has to visibly stop the sudden gasp that escapes her throat. The cost of one cup of coffee ranges from $35 to $100, with a single kilogram of beans worth almost $700.

Marinette almost snatches the mouse from her hand as she quickly scrolls through the article, clinging onto the (very likely futile) hope that it's probably someone's terrible idea for a joke.

Unfortunately, it isn't.

Alya's the first to speak up, and it's a simple question. "Was our customer a millionaire or something?!"

"I don't know!" Marinette responds, panicked. "I mean, if he were it'd make sense why he's so attractive but he never said anything!"

"Why did you say we provided this?! We can't serve hundred-dollar coffee, we're barely paying rent as it is!"

"I know, I know!" Marinette repeats, pulling at her hairs in stress. "I just thought it was some other kind of regular coffee! How was I supposed to know he wanted that?!" She extends both her arms to point at the computer screen, then shakes her head. "Only an insane person would pay that much for a drink!"

Then, a pause. And in a quieter tone: "Why can't I meet normal guys? Is a cute boy too much to ask for?"

Alya rolls her eyes, then suddenly puts her hands on the table. One returns to massaging her forehead. "Okay, Marinette. We can't serve this to him. You'll just have to tell him the truth."

"But I can't do that!" Marinette frowns, as if the very notion of telling the truth is impossible. "He'll find out that I lied to him and he'll hate me and start going to another cafe instead!"

"— then you shouldn't have lied in the first place!" Alya points out, wagging her finger. "It's better to tell him now before he comes here again and finds out for himself!"

Marinette shifts in place, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. "Maybe we can find cheaper alternatives somewhere else?" She asks. "I bet if we ask our suppliers, someone's bound to grow those beans—"

"Afraid not, girl," Alya says, turning to look at the computer. "These aren't regular beans. Apparently they're made by—," she suddenly pauses, as her face contorts into one of pure disgust. "Ew!"

"What?" Marinette walks toward the computer and leans over, only to feel the need to gag upon reading what came next: Coffee beans are digested by a civet cat. Their excretions are sold as the rare Kopi Luwak.

"So you mean…" Marinette begins, shivering. "That this coffee is basically… cat poop?"

Alya looks at her solemnly, then nods. "Yup."

At that, they finally burst into laughter— though whether it's from entertainment, the absurdity of the situation, or the realization that she's helpless in securing a date with the stranger, or all of the above, Marinette can't tell at all.

iii.

They agree that Marinette tell the truth to the Cute (And Apparently Rich) Coffee Stranger even though it'll very likely ruin all her chances with him. Nothing is, as Alya says, worth spending hundreds of dollars on cat poop for.

Except that Marinette Dupain-Cheng cannot follow directions.

Instead, she contacts a special supplier internationally and pays almost a thousand dollars total to have a kilogram of the beans at her doorstep not more than a week later. (Marinette finds comfort in knowing that the coffee doesn't smell like actual feces.)

She messages the stranger, who left his contact name as a single coffee emoji:

hey we restocked and are ready to serve tomorrow! can you drop by? :)

The reply is almost instantaneous:

That's great! I'll stop by in the morning. Thank you so much!

Marinette reads and rereads that message until she finally falls asleep.

iv.

For the first time since the history of her business, Marinette doesn't arrive to work late.

She doesn't know exactly what time the Coffee Stranger will arrive, but she knows that she doesn't want to miss when he does. Marinette takes the morning shift (something that all her co-workers were understandably surprised by), and she waits.

Coffee Stranger arrives an hour later.

He greets her good morning, and Marinette short-circuits. She reaches out her hand. “Hi! I'm Marinette!"

He laughs. "I know," he says. "Maybe you don't remember me? I gave you my number. I'm the one who asked for the Kopi Luwak?"

"Sorry. Of course I remember! I could never forget you," she replies— blurting it out, to her complete horror.

Coffee Stranger, thankfully, doesn't look all that bothered. In fact, he looks entertained, more so than anything else. "Great," he responds, the smile still on his face. "Then I'll have that."

Marinette nods, and she gets to work on his coffee. She gets it done quickly (Marinette had practiced making it at home; pleasantly surprised to find that it tasted wonderful), and hands him a perfectly hot cup of coffee. "That'll be… eighty dollars."

She cringes at the cost, but the Coffee Stranger pulls out a hundred dollar bill without hesitance. "Keep the change," he tells her, as he takes a sip. "This is even better than what I've had before! Definitely worth more."

The barista blinks in disbelief. "You really think so?" She asks, to which the stranger enthusiastically nods. Marinette feels her body buzz with joy from the sudden compliment, then she points at the macarons on the counter. "Here," she begins. "It's on the house."

The stranger looks up in surprise. "Are you sure?"

Marinette smiles. "It goes great with the coffee," she explains. "I think you'll like the passionfruit flavor. It mixes well with the cat po— the Kopi Luwak."

"Perfect," the stranger responds. "Passionfruit's my favourite flavor!" He grins, then pauses. "And… it's Adrien."

"What?"

Coffee Stranger's eyes go up to meet hers. Green. A forest of green she wouldn't mind getting lost in forever. "My name's Adrien," he says, reaching out his hand to hers. "Nice to meet you.."

Marinette suddenly feels her throat dry. She suddenly forgets that she spent a thousand dollars just to make him happy. It feels worth it.

"Nice to meet you too."

v.

Adrien quickly becomes a regular.

He makes it a point to stop by whenever she's working, sometimes having his coffee to go, and other times staying in to do his work at the cafe. Marinette likes those times the most— and she almost always sneaks in a little macaron or some other snack to help him get through the day. It's small and short exchanges, but they learn more about each other and that's more than enough to make her happy.

She finds out a lot about him. He's kind. He has a sweet tooth. He lives with his best friend, a DJ. He owns a cat. (He clarified, however, that all he does with Plagg's feces is throw it away.) He's rich, but it mostly came as savings from his younger years. He was a teenage model, but nowadays he prefers being the one behind it. (A waste, Marinette thinks, but she respects his decision.) His mom's gone, and he doesn't speak much with his dad. He treasures his friendships more than anything.

Adrien tells her that he treasures their friendship. Marinette's smile doesn't quite reach her eyes when she thinks about how that's all they'll probably be.

She willfully ignores Alya's unimpressed looks and how her bank funds steadily drain into the danger zone.

vi.

At some point, Marinette can't ignore it.

The bank tells her that she can't withdraw anymore, because her funds are almost completely depleted. She paces back and forth her room, visibly stressed. Her current bag of coffee beans would likely last her a few more days— but afterwards, it'll no longer be an option.

Alya says that it's easier to tell the truth.

As per usual, she's right. Marinette promises to herself to talk to Adrien when the coffee's gone completely.

vii.

"I was lying to you."

Marinette decides to be upfront, delivering the statement along with his final cup of coffee.

"What do you mean?" His look is serious, and it's a complete change of pace from how he usually is. It makes her stomach so uncomfortable turns and her knees buckle together in fear.

She sighs. "I was… lying about the coffee." She says it quickly and in one breath, and Adrien's eyebrows knitting together makes it clear that he understood none of it.

"About what?"

"The coffee!" Marinette basically shouts, then pulls him aside as they notice the customers pile in line. Another co-worker takes over, and throws them a concerned glance before focusing on their task completely.

Marinette brings Adrien to one of the empty storerooms, and when they settle, he speaks up. "What do you mean you lied about the coffee?"

"We never sold Kopi Luwak," she explains.

"No," Adrien argues. "That's definitely what I've been drinking, though?"

"Yeah," she replies, shaking her head. "But the cafe doesn't officially sell it. I was taking from my savings to buy the coffee abroad and make it for you." As Marinette says the words aloud, she begins to realise how outlandish the very idea was.

"What did you do that for?"

Marinette frowns to herself. "I guess I just didn't want to disappoint you… or something." Her cheeks redden, and she looks down. "I wanted to see you again too… I didn't want our only meeting to be that one time."

Marinette thinks she hears a hint of laughter, but it disappears so quickly she may have imagined it. "You know," Adrien begins. "If you wanted to see me again, you could've just asked." He smiles at her, but it looks almost sheepish. Adrien scratches his head. "I mean, I was really only ordering coffee so I could keep meeting up with you."

What?

Marinette fumbles over her words. "You… me… meet up?"

Adrien laughs, full-blown now. "Yeah. I thought you were cute. And when I got to know you better, it was just… I couldn't stop myself. I might have caffeine overdose, but I think it's worth it." He turns toward her and wraps his arms around her waist, and Marinette finds a laugh escaping her throat.

"Been having trouble sleeping, then?”

"Haven't slept since the day I met you," he replies. "But I don't mind, because you're a dream come true."

Marinette rolls her eyes at how silly it all is. "That's corny."

"I like to think of myself as a corny jokes and puns connoisseur," he explains teasingly. "Maybe you'll let me tell you more over dinner?"

"How forward of you," Marinette laughs, but nods all the same. "I just have to warn you, I'm broke from all the coffee beans you made me buy."

He smiles. "Then I guess I'll have to pay for all our dates from now on?"

Marinette hums, then grins lightly. "I wouldn't be against that."

"Then it's a deal." He replies, suddenly looking at her directly. "Want to seal it?"

She has a vague idea of where he's going with this, and the smile practically blooms on her face. "Yes."

It doesn't take anymore waiting until he kisses her.

(And she's glad to say that he tastes like roasted coffee beans and a warm fire; not at all like cats or feces or anything of that sort.)

[sunsetinmyvein]

I Know That I’ll Lose - Chapter Six - Give it a Rest, I Could Persuade You

It had been about a month since she last saw Matty. He and the band had to fly out quite early the morning after the festival, so there wasn’t really a chance to catch up again once they parted ways at the bar. But that was okay, because he was considerably more talkative this time around than what he had been the last time. It wasn’t quite the same as getting to properly hang out, and she missed seeing the rest of the band as well, but it was still better than nothing and made the distance more tolerable. She found herself holding her phone in her hand, contemplating if she should call Matty or not. Their last proper phone call was a while ago now – roughly a week she thought – and she wanted to tell him about the dumb thing that happened today that she thought he’d appreciate. She knew that it wasn’t too late yet where he currently was, and the show that they had played earlier that evening should’ve finished by now. But she was always wary that he was a busy guy. As she deliberated on this, her phone started buzzing in her hand. For a second she thought maybe he really did have some form of crazy mindreading skills. But it wasn’t Matty, it was her brother.

“Hey! How’s things?” She asked as she answered the call. 

“I…” He sighed through the phone. “I got an email about you.” Her brother started saying, his tone sounding unsure.

 “What sort of email?” She asked with a frown, sitting up properly on the couch. This conversation was clearly important.

Before her brain had a chance to jump to the worst conclusion, he continued, “A job offer. For you. To tour internationally with a band doing merch.” He answered.

There were a few moments of silence on the line as she processed this information. “Shit, what?” She asked incredulously.

“Some guy called No Rome?” It was more of a question than a statement, he clearly didn’t know who that artist was. “Their label emailed me.” He continued, but she had sort of tuned out of what he was saying. She had heard that name before but couldn’t remember where… “They said that they had received high recommendations about you or something.”

“That’s so crazy, I don’t even-” The metaphorical lightbulb went off as she remembered that band name. “Wait...” That was the regular support act for The 1975. The gears started turning at this point. “Did they say who the recommendation came from?” She questioned.

“No. Why?”

“I’ll call you back.” She replied instantly, knowing more than likely who had caused this email to be sent.

  She hung up the phone before promptly starting another call. “Matty,” She began as soon as he picked up, skipping the pleasantries.

“Yes?” He asked, an innocent tone to his voice.

“What is this job offer thing that you’ve done?” She accused.

“What job offer thing?” He asked back.

“I know it was you.” She stated, not wanting to beat around the bush with something like this. This was a big deal if it was true.

“Did you get offered something interesting?” He continued. The amusement was starting to seep into his voice at this point.

“Just fucking tell me.” She said with a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose.

He hummed thoughtfully, waiting a moment before responding, “Maybe you should just accept the job and I can tell you next week in person.” Well, at least that confirmed that he knew about it.

“You really expect me to just drop everything I have here and come gallivant around on tour with you?” She questioned.

“Kind of.” He answered bluntly.

  Okay. So, it was a real job offer then. A real job offer that had probably been suggested by Matty, which did lower the legitimacy of it a little bit. But it was still a job offer that wanted to pay for her to travel internationally. That was still a lot of information to handle. The first question that floated to the top was definitely the elephant in the room, “Why on earth did you get them to ask me to do No Rome’s merch? You’re fucking on tour together. It’ll be 1975 merch for the majority.” She pointed out.

“No, you only have to do No Rome.” He replied.

“But that…” That didn’t make any sense whatsoever. “Why isn’t that just included in whoever does your merch?” She asked in confusion.

“I thought he deserved his own merch person.” He answered.

  “But they’re going to be sold from the same place? How am I meant to only serve people who want No Rome stuff?” This job offer was so far only raising more questions than solutions.

“Oh no, no, no. You don’t have to sell to anyone.” He laughed like it was entirely too obvious. “You just have to do the counts and setup.”

That made even less sense. Just the setup? That was like telling someone to drive to work, set their desk up, turn their computer on, log in and then just go home to let someone else do all the work on your account with all your settings and preferences. They wouldn’t know where anything was or what your methods were. There was no point in preparing everything if you weren’t the one dealing with it. “Matty… That’s not how working merch works.” She tried to explain.

“That’s how this job works.” He corrected. “You essentially do prep work.”

“And then what?” She asked.

“And then you can watch the shows and hang out.” He answered.

  Right. That’s what this was about. The job offer was clearly just a front so that he could socialise with her without her work getting in the way. “Are you just shitty that we didn’t get to hangout all day during the festival?” She asked with a chuckle.

“No.” He shot back instantly.

“Liar!” She retaliated loudly with a laugh.

“Fuckin’ take the job, love.” He sighed tiredly.

“And if I don’t want to?” She challenged.

She was just met with his loud laugh in response. “You want to.” The level of certainty in his voice, that cocky tone. Fuck. She hated to admit that simple things he did like that were enough to pull a reaction out of her. He was attractive when he was confident. At that moment, she was thankful that he couldn’t see her because he would no doubt make it much worse in person. But he was right - it was a crazy good opportunity. It added a ridiculously good reference to her resume, and she was going to get paid good money to hang out with her friends. She would be insane to say no. But she was also well aware that being in close capacity to Matthew Healy for so long was probably going to be difficult. She weighed up the pros and cons briefly in her head as she tried to come to a decision.

“Fine.” She agreed eventually. “Send me the details.”

  A contract was sent to her within a matter of minutes. It outlined that she was going to be on tour with them for a month and a half and would fly out late next week. A free holiday spent in good company? It was an offer too good to be true, really. And she was going to get paid to do it! Just over a week wasn’t much time to get everything sorted to be away from home for six weeks, but it would have to suffice. Before her flight departed, they had sent her the details of a taxi company that would take her to the lot that the tour buses were waiting in. They also sent through which bus number plate to meet them at with the code to get into it to dump her luggage. The only issue was, it was a huge lot. There were at least fifty odd tour buses in this place. It took a good deal of searching to work out which bus was the one that she was meant to go to, and lugging her suitcase through the lot was starting to get tiring. When she finally spotted the plate that she was after it was like the lagoon in the middle of a desert; she was worried that it might just be a mirage. But she started walking over to the No Rome tour bus, only to feel a hand land on her shoulder. She turned, half anticipating to see a security guard asking her why she’d been wandering around for the last half hour, only to see Matty standing behind her.

  “Oh, hey.” She smiled up at him, not having expected to see him so soon after getting here.

“I have some unfortunate news,” He said with a crestfallen expression as he began steering her away from the bus. She raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “Rome’s tour bus is a fairly small bus, and was actually already fully booked by the time you were confirmed to come with us.” He admitted.

“Oh.” She said with a frown.

“So, you have to stay in the other bus.” He continued. She could see the stupid smile on his face that he was trying to hide.

“Oh.” She repeated with an eyeroll, suddenly realising where he was going with this. “And I suppose that everyone else on that bus has already picked out bunks?” She asked with a deep sigh.

“Yes.” He answered.

“And the only one that’s left free is conveniently right next to yours?” She questioned.

He let out an exaggerated gasp, “How could you possibly know such confidential information?”

��Call it a hunch.” She muttered under her breath.

  The tour bus that he led her to was indeed considerably bigger than the one she had been told to go to originally. He punched some code into the keypad next to the door before holding it open and ushering her inside. The bus was empty save for all the suitcases and bags strewn across it. It reminded her of a fancy caravan; everything was sleek, black and designed to save space. It seemed to have a few fancy add ons, namely the impressive coffee making setup in the kitchen, which Matty assured her George couldn’t leave home without. As she was taking in the space around her, he stepped behind and walked through the kitchen to the bunks in the middle of the bus. He called her over, snapping her back to reality as she walked across to where he was standing. They were a lot more spacious than she expected them to be. All of the bunks except for two had bags already tucked away in them, a few had the curtains pulled shut. She recognised Matty’s backpack sitting in the one on the bottom right hand side. She looked down at the bunk next to his with disdain. This was only going to end badly.

  “You don’t have to take that one.” He began. She looked back at him, urging him to continue with what the other option possibly was. “You’re welcome to be on top of me.” He offered. He tapped his fingers against the empty bunk above his as he said it, but the look in his eyes was definitely getting at a different angle.

“I’ll take this one.” She answered quickly, turning away from him and gesturing to the bottom bunk next to his.

“I assure you that I don’t mind.” He added with a suggestive smirk.

“I know you don’t. That’s the problem.” She huffed as she put her bag into the bunk.

“Or we could switch and I could be on top-”

“Stop.” She interrupted as she spun to glare at him. Had he always been standing that close behind her? It suddenly seemed far too close. “Stop talking.” He couldn’t help but grin at the flustered look on her face.

  He left her to her own devices after that, figuring that he would wait in the front lounge while she got her bearings. At this point in his career, he’d spent a good portion of his life in tour buses. But he remembered having to find his way around them at the start; all of the tiny compartments took a while to figure out. Also, he’d probably overwhelmed her enough considering that she had just stepped off of a plane all of two hours ago. It wasn’t long before the rest of the band and the small amount of crew that were on their bus started filing in. Introductions were exchanged, luggage was stowed under the vehicle, a few snacks to get them through until the next stop were stored, and then their convoy were on the way to show number one. He hadn’t lied when he mentioned that Rome had a smaller bus. His bus only slept six, whereas The 1975 had two buses of twelve. It did make more sense for her to stay on one of the bigger ones, he just made sure to have a say in which of the two bigger ones she was placed on. The bus that they were currently on mostly housed the performing crew, and the extended crew behind the scenes stayed on the second bus. Typically, the latter had considerably earlier start and finish times for their working day than the former did, so it made sense to split the two to avoid people running on next to no sleep. These three buses in combination with the few trucks that were used to cart their stage, lighting rigs and merch across the country for the whole tour resulted in a fairly impressive operation. It was pretty astounding for Y/N/N to think that she was a part of it.

  After the festival had ended, Matty had spent a good deal of time sending texts, writing emails and having meetings in an effort to try and coordinate what ended up being a considerably more extensive plan than what he had expected. Her comment about how she’d ‘never get anything done’ if he was her boss set the idea into motion that maybe if she had a role within Dirty Hit, he’d be able to see her more often. If he saw her more often, there was a pretty decent chance that he’d be able to get her to fess up to being into him. Because try as he might to just ‘let it go’ as George had suggested, he couldn’t drop it when he knew full well that she was. He hadn’t thought that arranging someone else to come on tour was really going to be that difficult, but apparently it was. It was less about money and more about the logistics of having another person to account into every single plan for a six-week schedule. However, now that she was actually here, all of his efforts felt worth it. Regardless of the bet with himself, regardless of the needier part of him wanting her around as an emotional crutch for when things got hard, it was just nice to have an extra friend around to bounce off of within the confines of the tour bus. It felt comforting to have another presence about to keep him grounded, George had probably done enough of that over the past few years to last him a lifetime. But being grounded and rational wasn’t the way to start off a tour. The way to start off a tour was with shots.

  “Tequila? Really?” Adam groaned as the shot glass was forced into his hand by the eager singer.

“What’s wrong with tequila, Hann?” Matty asked with a frown as he continued pouring and handing them out.

“Nothing is wrong with the tequila itself, but you drinking tequila is a different story.” He elaborated. “And we’re only on night one of forty-six. You really wanna set the bar so soon?” Ross gave a nod of agreement as Adam spoke, and it was clear that George was hesitant as well.

“Look lads, we have someone on this tour who has never experienced the thrills of touring with us before.” As he spoke, he happened to be pouring the shot of the exact person he was referring to and he smiled fondly at her as he passed it across. She found herself suddenly feeling like the fifth wheel as he threw her under the bus like that. “We need to put in at least a little bit of effort, yeah?” He spun back to the group; his own tequila shot in hand. “To a brilliant tour.” He grinned, holding his shot glass up in toast. The boys all shouted a few words of agreement as the five of them downed their shots. But the burn of that tequila was only the beginning. As Adam had predicted, what started as one shot quickly turned to two, which turned to more, which turned to drinking games, which turned to everyone drunkenly stumbling into bed at two in the morning after a solid eight hours of drinking. To the bus driver’s dismay at his suddenly rowdy passengers, the rest of the crew had also rapidly gotten involved and suffered much the same fate. Y/N/N had quickly discovered when their celebrations finally wrapped up that getting into a tiny bunk on the floor while inebriated wasn’t as easy as it would’ve seemed. But she was very grateful that her bunk was at least level with the ground, as opposed to George who promptly rolled out of his and crashed against the hard surface when he tried to reposition himself in his bed.

  A part of her understood why Matty had insisted on drinks on the first night. Once everyone was drunk, any awkwardness was quickly forgotten about. It was a lot easier to bond with people when you were too drunk to be self-conscious. Now that everyone on the bus had a friendship base to go off of, a funny story to reminisce over, there was no reason for anyone to be pushed to the wayside for the sake of cliques or not having anything to talk about. But as expected, Matty had to take it a step too far and was definitely the most hungover out of everyone the next morning. The tour bus had arrived at their first stop at about six that morning. Everyone else on the vehicle had been up at a fairly decent hour, the band a little bit later than the rest of the crew as they weren’t needed until later in the day. But not Matty. It was after ten by the time someone figured that they should do something about it.

“You should go check on him.” Ross urged, looking across the small kitchen table at Y/N/N.

“Why me?” She frowned.

“Because I’m sure he’d prefer to be woken up by you than us.” He explained, a small chuckle escaping despite his best attempts to hold in.

“The last time I had to wake him up for a show when he was hungover, I threw a glass of ice water on him.” George said. “But to be fair, the last time he woke me up, he did it with a fucking megaphone and I smacked my head into the bunk above mine…” He scowled at the memory, rubbing his forehead as he reminisced about the pain. “I’ll go get the ice cubes.” He offered as he motioned to stand up, suddenly motivated that only one glass of freezing cold water wasn’t enough payback for that event.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get him.” She sighed, motioning for George to sit back down.

“You’re too nice to him.” Adam said, shaking his head with a small smile.

“Yeah, probably.” She agreed with a laugh as she stood up.

  She made her way down the bus towards the bunks, slowly opening the sliding door that connected them to the kitchen to try and prevent any excess noise making its way through. As she did, the other boys decided that they’d make themselves sparse, just in case. The three of them were well aware of Matty’s intentions about bringing her on tour, and they had seen his track record with girls when he put his mind to it. As much as what they knew of Y/N/N would lead them to believe that she was pretty stubborn, they didn’t want to stick around to hear the results if Matty’s plan succeeded. Also, it was as good an excuse as any to start their day. “You alive in there, Matty?” She asked quietly, knocking softly on the side of his bunk above where his head would’ve been with her shoe. “You need to function at some point today.” The curtain slowly pulled open, revealing what appeared to be a very tired Matty. The five o’clock shadow he had going on highlighted the small amount of stubble that he had neglected to shave the day prior, and the bags under his eyes made him look like he’d just suffered an entirely sleepless night. He winced at the sudden amount of light flooding into his bunk, rolling over onto his back.

  “I need a coffee.” He groaned, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes to try and dull how bright the artificial lighting was on the bus.

“I told you that you’d regret playing that drinking game.” She sighed. “Do you need me to go make you one?” She added with a laugh, staring down at the hungover man in front of her with amusement as he rolled his way onto the floor between their bunks.

“No, not that instant shit that we have here.” He huffed, slowly pulling himself to his feet. He pulled a hand through his unruly hair, trying to sort out how messy it had become in his restless sleep. “I need a real coffee.  And George hates it when I use his contraption without askin'.” He continued as he started grabbing a few things out of his bag, throwing a jacket on over the top of the clothes that he had passed out in last night and slipping some shoes on. “C’mon.” He mumbled as he started walking towards the door.

  He let out a grunt of dissatisfaction as he stepped outside into the morning sunshine. Even through his sunglasses it was still far too harsh and made his head pound ten times worse. The jetlag probably wasn’t helping his state of mind, either. But he knew from their last tour here that there was a café nearby that would give him a decent coffee. Once he got that into his system, it would start to get him back on the road to recovery before he had to play tonight. He looked behind him briefly to verify that she was following before starting down the street in the vague direction that he recalled his source of caffeine being in. She trailed behind him, mostly taking in the scenery around her rather than really focusing on anything else. Being in new locations always gave her such a feeling of unending potential. There was so much to discover and explore, so many nooks and crannies that you’d never find if you didn’t go hunting for them. The two of them walked to the café mostly in silence, except for the few ‘ow’s that escaped from the singer at the odd exceptionally loud noise that they passed.

  Matty chose to sit down outside at the table closest to the café entrance, eager to have a smoke, get some sustenance as quick as possible, and then get back in time for a shower. Maybe a nap too if he was lucky. A server quickly made their way over to them, menus in hand and a friendly customer service smile on their face. He declined the menu, waving his hand dismissively as the server offered it out to him. “Just a black coffee, thanks.” He said with a nod. “Oh, and some toast. Dry toast.” He added as an afterthought. Experience had taught him that the sooner he could stomach food, the quicker he’d be out of this hangover. They seemed a bit taken aback by his abruptness, but took note of his request and her order of a cup of tea and toast anyway. Given the simplicity of their meal, it took all of a few minutes before it was placed in front of them. Matty took an eager sip of the hot beverage, feeling a much more comforting burn in his throat than the ones he had been feeling last night.

  As they ate their meal, he found himself watching her carefully as he absentmindedly chewed at the dry carbohydrates that he knew he needed. It had been a while since he’d had a hungover breakfast with anyone other than the band. Partially because they were who he was around for 90% of his time, but also in part because he wasn’t comfortable enough around anyone else in his life to still want to hang out with them the morning after drinking. In fact, it had been a while since he’d properly felt comfortable around anyone except the band. And yet here he was. Again. He hadn’t really expected a few offhand flirty comments to turn into a friendship that he enjoyed so much. “It’s nice havin’ you out here.” He said casually around a mouthful of toast. The genuine tone in his voice set off the butterflies in her stomach for a brief moment. She looked back at him, feeling the need to verify if this was a joke or leading to a sleazy remark, but he seemed entirely serious.

“It’s weird being out here. Feels like stepping into a different world.” She replied honestly.

He nodded in agreement, “You’ll get used to it pretty quick.” He said as he took a sip of his coffee. The drink was slowly starting to take effect. “At least I hope so. I’d hate to have dragged you along only for you to have a shitty time.” He added with a laugh.

“I couldn’t have a shitty time.” She said, shaking her head slightly. He raised an eyebrow in question. “I came out here to hang out with four guys who I consider friends, and I get to do that every day.” She shrugged. He couldn’t help but grin at that.

“Good to know.”

  They finished up their meal, and once Matty had decided that the caffeine had finally put him in a good enough mindset, he lit up a cigarette and suggested they head off. “The day is before us. We have endless possibilities.” He said as he gestured broadly at the city around them.

“No, we don’t. You have a show to sort out, and you need to show me what I’m meant to be doing with this merch, given you were so insistent that I take this job.” She pointed out.

He let out a long sigh, nodding slightly in agreement. “I should probably introduce you to Rome first so that you know whose merch you’re setting up.” He conceded, starting to walk back in the direction of the tour buses. She started following him, mulling over what he had said. Eventually she realised why he’d want to introduce her to Rome before showing her the actual job she was out here to do.

“You just wanna stall so you don’t have to start work.” She accused.

“Me? Avoid working?” He gasped. “Never.” He added sarcastically as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. “Come on, now.”

  He seemed to have entirely too much enthusiasm for someone who had been incredibly hungover not more than an hour ago, pointing out every building he recognised on their walk back to the tour bus. It was abundantly clear with how expressive he was that he was legitimately interested in teaching her about these things. She had to admit that it was nice seeing him passionate about things, even little things like the fact that he was able to kind of show her around a city he’d been in once or twice before. When they reached the bus, he held the door open and gestured for her to step in. On the inside, Rome’s bus did appear to be pretty much exactly the same as the other two buses that everyone else was in; it just simply had six less beds which made it considerably shorter than the others. As Matty stepped in behind her, he spotted Rome sitting in the open lounge at the back of the bus. He stepped around her, taking a few quick paces to close the distance and leaving her to follow.

  “This right here is my good buddy Rome.” He said with a broad grin, his volume increasing with each word he spoke as he all but ran over and tackled the blue-haired boy into a hug. Matty hadn’t left very much time for Rome to react, pretty much only looking up from his phone in time to defend himself at the last second. It was reassuring to see that he was overly enthusiastic with his affection for all of his friends, not just her. The boy laughed loudly as Matty tormented him for a few moments before he was finally able to free himself, stand up to take a few steps towards her.

“Nice to finally meet you.” He smiled as he held his hand out to her. “I was a little surprised to hear that there was gonna be someone else doing my merch this tour.” He added as she shook it and returned his smile.

“That would make two of us.” She agreed with a light laugh, glancing at Matty standing behind him.

“I just figured that you finally deserved some of your own crew instead of stealin’ mine all the time.” Matty offered with a shrug, wrapping an arm around Rome’s shoulders. She noticed that Rome made Matty seem a lot taller than he actually was as they stood next to each other like this. It was a stark contrast to seeing him with his own band members who practically dwarfed him.

  “So, should we sit down, maybe have a joint?” Matty offered in an attempt to play gracious host, gesturing back towards the lounge.

“Can’t. Meant to be working.” She reminded him. He rolled his eyes at her excuse.

“Fine, get to know each other a bit, then?” He rephrased.

“Adam was telling me you guys had soundcheck at twe-” Rome started saying, until Matty just spoke over him.

“Let’s sit down. How’ve you been, man?” He interrupted, trying to shut Rome up and pull him towards the couch.

“If that’s true then you only have fifteen minutes to get inside.” She reminded him. “And you still have to show me where my stuff is.” Matty groaned loudly at this, checking his phone to confirm that they were both telling the truth about the time. George had mentioned something last night about a midday soundcheck once the stage was set up so that the lighting guys could continue without being interrupted. He supposed it was sensible to be on time for that.

“Fine. Let’s go.” He huffed, starting to head towards the door. “Not much of an introduction, though.” He added under his breath. After shouting a quick goodbye to Rome over his shoulder, they headed back out of the bus and inside the venue. She assumed that Matty must’ve known where he was going because he beelined through the hallways like a man on a mission. This arena was a bit bigger than the one that she had seen them in the first time and she tried to retain the corners they were taking in her head so that she didn’t get turned around again. Eventually they stopped at a pallet towards the back of the building absolutely loaded with boxes.

  “This-” He started as he scanned through the pallet of stock, eventually pulling a box down from the very top, “is yours.” He held out the box. “And you set it up in that van that we passed near the front entrance.” He added.

She looked at him, then at the box. Was he done..? Maybe they were waiting on extra boxes? Or there was more to grab somewhere else? Surely this couldn’t be it? “A box? One box?” She asked in confusion. As she looked back to him for clarification, he seemed unphased by this information. “For the whole tour?” She continued.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“This is really it?” She asked incredulously as she took it.

“Yep.” He confirmed, still nodding.

“Oh my god, Matty. I’m going to die of boredom being out here with only this.” She groaned, opening the box to see if it was even full. Knowing him it was probably empty, anyway. Maybe she should take back her comment about not being able to have a terrible time while she was out here.

“Payback for the festival.” He chuckled as she was able to verify that it was, indeed, full of shirts. Thank god.

“Don’t you fucking start.” She said with a glare, turning to point at him. “You chose to do that.” She reminded him.

“And you chose to do this.” He quipped with a smirk. “Unless you had some ulterior motive?” He asked nonchalantly. She knew full well what he was trying to get at, but it wasn’t going to work in this instance.

“Seeing my friends was, in fact, the primary motive.” She answered with a smug look.

“Mmm… sure.” He replied in a disbelieving tone. “I have to go soundcheck, I’ll catch up with you in a bit.” He said, turning on his heel and walking back in the direction that they had come from.

  She trusted Matty - well, mostly trusted Matty - but she still read the labels on every box on that pallet just in case there was secretly more stock hidden somewhere. Once she had finally resigned herself to her fate of having next to no work to do at every show, she carried her one, single box back to the empty merch stand. It took her all of twenty minutes to set up merch for Rome. There were only sixty shirts in total to count in, and folding them was nothing compared to the amount of stock she had been forced to fold at other events. Rome had ducked in to the van once she was done to chat and keep her company, explaining a bit of the meaning behind the shirt design he had chosen and telling her about how he had met Matty. He seemed to be a really nice kid; she could see why Matty got along with him so well. They carried on chatting in the merch van until Ross came to find them and show them to the backstage waiting area so that the rest of the merch crew could set up. Everyone else had already made their way over there so that they could kill the time until it was finally time to play. Matty seemed to intentionally take his time getting ready for the show, asking her opinion on just about every little change that he made. Despite the confident bravado, he did seem to have a good deal of nerves bubbling away under the surface. He knew that he was setting the bar for what the whole tour would have in store. Kids would spread photos online of what they’d seen, what he’d done, what the setlist was. First impressions mattered. But as expected, the show was an astounding start to the six weeks that lay ahead. The band came off the stage buzzing with excitement and adrenaline, ready to tackle everything else that was thrown their way.

  The next week was pretty much spent establishing a rough routine for the rest of the tour. It only took playing the one show for the band to get a feel for it again, and once the rest of the crew had set up and pulled down a couple of shows, everyone was back in the groove of what to expect. The band were also starting to get readjusted to doing interviews and social media releases while on the road. It was a gruelling schedule at times trying to fit it all in to one day and still somehow manage to get enough sleep for the next, but not one they were strangers to. However, what Y/N/N was quickly finding out in her daily routine, was that there was absolutely no personal space on a tour bus. She had been under the impression that bands generally took a few days here and there to have breaks between shows, but not this band. Nope. The thing about The 1975 was that they just did. not. stop. If this band wasn’t about to play a show, they were on the road to the next one. So, if they weren’t in a venue organising the day ahead, or pit stopped somewhere for an interview or similar, they were in the tour bus. They had a good mentality of everyone just being able to chill out and do their own thing when on the bus, which mostly consisted of trying to talk to people back at home or watching a movie wherever you could find space. But that many people crammed into such a tiny area who all shared conflicting schedules meant that you rapidly learned things about your roommates that you didn’t think you’d ever know. It hadn’t crossed her mind that she would have to quickly learn the bathroom habits of everyone else on this vehicle if she ever had a hope in hell of using it herself. On the plus side, it did mean that you also had to be comfortable in each other’s space for the sake of your own sanity.

  As a result of needing people to vent to about this lack of space, she had found herself dragged headfirst into the chaos and hilarity that was Matty’s close friend circle. Having their stable company and friendship made dealing with the little issues about living on a tour bus a lot easier. Someone eating the last of the cereal was a lot less annoying when she could turn and laugh with Ross about it. She was finding out the more she got to know them that George was definitely the sensible one of the group who kept everyone else - namely Matty - in line, Ross was proving himself to be the funniest of the four of them - when Matty wasn’t around to try and one-up him - and Adam was a lot more reserved in bigger groups – especially when Matty was in them and just spoke over everyone else (there seemed to be a common theme appearing about how it was easier to get to know Matty’s friends without Matty present) - but more than happy to chat one on one when you got him onto a topic of mutual interest. And where she had already been fairly comfortable around the egocentric frontman, she was now finding that he was almost essential to her daily survival. From their in-jokes about dumb things, to having someone to talk to who knew her a slight bit better than everyone else, to just being able to have him around to watch TV shows with; the longer she spent trapped in the tour bus with him, the harder it was getting for her to be able to deny being into him. But there was no point in telling him any of this, because admitting her feelings wasn’t going to get her anywhere. It would just give him the satisfaction that he’d won and she’d be putting herself on the line with no reciprocation. However, Matty was also finding their time together to be having an overwhelmingly positive effect. It was incredibly convenient for him to have someone around who kept him in such a good mood all the time and who provided such good company. He hadn’t felt this happy in quite a while.

  One afternoon on the bus she was trying to find something to occupy her time, deciding that maybe watching a movie would fill the void until they arrived at the next venue and she could get out and explore a bit. She knocked on the closed door of the back lounge, slowly pulling it open after she didn’t receive a reply. Upon peeking her head around the door, she was met with the curly haired Matty sitting on his laptop, a single headphone sitting in one of his ears and an open notebook on the table next to him. He didn’t look up as she stepped in, and it took her a moment to realise what he was doing. “Oh my god, are you working?” She asked in surprise.

“I do that sometimes.” He mumbled, not tearing his eyes away from his laptop.

“I have to admit, I was starting to think that you didn’t.” She laughed as she shuffled around the couch to see what he was doing. He was clearly fiddling with audio tracks in an editing program, but her knowledge beyond that was pretty limited. The notebook next to him seemed to be full of half-formed ideas that didn’t offer much context. She watched him in silence for a few moments before he decided to explain what he was doing.

  “I’m trying to edit the bridge of this song and get it to sound how we want in our heads. George had a go at it this morning but couldn’t quite get the right sound, he asked if I could take a look at it.” He clarified. She nodded in understanding.

“It’s nice seeing you do something productive instead of just hindering the work of everyone else around you.” She teased, nudging him slightly with her elbow.

He flashed her a sarcastic look. “You know that I’ve spent the better part of two decades working to get this band where it is, yeah?” He asked bitterly, the sour mood he was in from not being able to sort this song out seeping into his tone.

“So I’ve heard. But most of the time you act like the cliché rock star that you tell everyone you’re not.” She shot back with a challenging look.

  He opened his mouth to argue with her point, before realising that from her perspective, that was pretty much all that he did. She hadn’t had the chance to see him in the studio, in the label offices planning things out with Jamie, doing a serious interview, or do anything that was work related really other than perform and show off. He imagined that must come across as pretty arrogant of him to claim he got the band to where it is when he acted like he’d been at this point for all of his life. “How do I explain this…” He hummed, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back into the couch to think of the right words to say. “I don’t often get the chance to fuck about anymore. I used to a lot when I was younger. I fucked around and partied enough when I was younger for all of us guys combined, really.” He gave a short laugh, “But as we got bigger, I had to get my act together. More people were watching us, social media was a very prevalent thing in regards to marketing a band and our image, I had to knock it off for the sake of the band as a whole. Even just how much time I was wasting on it started to affect how much effort I could put into where we were going, and I didn’t want that. But people don’t change until it’s too hard not to. I was sort of required to shift into a more serious place in my life, when… y’know, it all got drawn out into the spotlight. But I miss it. I miss the freedom that came with getting to fuck about all the time.” He explained, glancing across at her to verify if she was understanding him correctly.

  “So… you fuck around now because you haven’t for ages?” She asked, not really following where he was going with this.

“No, I…” He let out a sigh, trying to make his thoughts more eloquent. “It’s nice not having to be on my best behaviour around you, is what I’m getting at. It’s just a breath of fresh air amongst constant press and being recorded.” He simplified. “And the band doesn’t let me get away with as much as you do. That’s why you don’t see me serious very often.” Ah. She got what he meant now. “But, for the next six weeks you’re stuck living with me.” He chuckled. “Which means you’ll get to see all sides of me, not just the ones that I want you to.” Matty seemed to have a good knack for making jokes out of comments that were probably more serious than he thought they were. He looked down at her once he was satisfied that she was following along with his reasoning, only now realising that she was wearing his hoodie that he had given her the day after they’d met. A grin slowly spread across his face at this. “Nice hoodie.” He said with a small nod of approval. She had to look down to remind herself of what he was referring to, before meeting his gaze again with a slight blush dusting her cheeks. “It looks good on you.” He added, keeping the ‘better than it did on me’ part of that sentence to himself.

“Thanks.” She mumbled, unsure of what else to say to the compliment.

  He went back to working after that, still trying to shuffle around new samples into the audio file to get the sound perfect. She figured that it would be pretty rude of her to put a movie on while he was working, so she decided to just watch him instead. It became considerably easier to follow along with what he was doing when he unplugged the headphones and allowed the laptop speakers to play aloud what he was working on. The track sounded like a less bass-y version of Depth from the small snippets she was hearing. It was interesting seeing his creative process and watching the looks that crossed his face as he tried to get the thoughts out of his head and into the song. As they got closer and closer to the next venue, Matty was beginning to take note of just how long she had actually been watching him work. All he was doing was messing with files in a program, surely there was no way in hell a girl would watch him do that for over an hour if she wasn’t interested in him. The fact that she refused to tell him just ate away at his mind.

He slammed shut the laptop suddenly, forcing her attention to him and away from the screen. “You should just tell me.” He said.

“Tell you what?” She asked in confusion, but the look he threw back at her in response made it click.

“You’ve fuckin’ been watching me all afternoon.” He laughed loudly as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, “Just admit it.” He added lowly.

“In your dreams.” She scoffed.

“Every night, love.” He shot back with a smirk.

  As more time progressed on the tour, Matty could feel himself edging ever so slightly closer to getting her to crack. His plan to establish what the right buttons were to encourage a reaction was working well. He was already well aware that she enjoyed seeing him play guitar. During soundchecks he had seen the way that she watched his fingers move across the frets and how she got distracted by it, and she was always pretty enthralled whenever he was on stage. So, that was one item off the list that he could play to his advantage. The other week she had told him that she liked his hair when it was messy, that was another. He was pretty confident that she liked the physical attention because she had stopped pushing him away now and tended to sit next to him before she sat next to anyone else. She was only ever becoming more receptive to the comments and actions that he was trying to use to fish for what worked and what didn’t. But she was still so damn stubborn about it. The two of them were both getting more resistant the more the other pushed. He refused to let up until she admitted the truth, and she refused to say it to him purely on principle at this point. If she caved now, he’d lord it over her for the remaining four weeks of the tour. But this constant game that they were at was starting to grate on the rest of the band, mainly George. He was beginning to find that this girl’s company was actually very enjoyable and he didn’t want to see Matty go and fuck it all up when he finally won. He also didn’t want to find himself caught in the middle trying to console both parties of a messy situation while trapped on a tour bus with the both of them. But at this point, he knew that Matty of all people should know better. He figured that maybe he should take the time to remind his best friend that there was a time and a place for everything, and that maybe on a tour bus wasn’t the time for this.

  On a fairly dismal afternoon, Matty had found himself sulking at the kitchen table for the last half an hour or so. He had opened one of his social media apps to check on how things were doing at home, only to find a picture of his ex kissing some other guy plastered across the front of it. It had been about six months since she’d left him, but seeing her move on didn’t sting any less. It still felt like a blow to his self-esteem that she’d move on before he had. He was knocked out of his daze of staring at his phone in discontent when the bus door suddenly flung open and a very determined George stormed inside. 

“What’s your plan with all this?” George asked bluntly as he sat down across from him at the table.

Matty stared across at his best friend blankly, trying to catch up to whatever train of thought George had caught that he’d apparently missed the call for. “What do you mean?” He asked, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“What happens if she turns around and says that she’s into you?” He questioned.

“When.” He specified with a pointed look.

“Whatever, man.” The drummer huffed in annoyance. “What happens after you’ve conned this girl into falling for you?” He rephrased.

  Matty wasn’t overly fond with the choice of words that George had used. Conned? That wasn’t what he was doing. He was just having a bit of fun, wasn’t he? But what did happen when she finally told him..? He hadn’t really thought that far ahead, he was too focused on accomplishing step one to work out what step two was. “Matty.” George called, clicking his fingers in front of the singer’s face to drag his attention back to reality. “All I’m saying is, don’t fuck her over, yeah? She deserves better than that.”

“Oh, I…” He scratched at the back of his neck nervously, suddenly feeling like a kid being told off by his parents. “Well, I wasn’t intending on it.” He mumbled.

“Good intentions only go so far,” He clapped a hand down on Matty’s shoulder. “and I’ve seen your track record. Be careful.” He warned as he stood up from the table and started heading back towards the door of the bus. “Oh, and,” He spun back around, pointing across the bus at his friend with a serious expression. “keep it to a minimum when the rest of us are around, wouldn’t you?”

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

[tlbodine]

What to Look for in a Small Press

OK since my post about small press publishers has gotten a bit of attention lately, I thought it might be nice to follow up with some tips for what to look for if you’re thinking of submitting your book to a small press publisher. 

First: Why go small press? 

The odds are, if you’re going with a small publisher, you’re not going to get any lavish book tours, end up on a best-seller list, or see wide bookstore distribution in major chain bookstores. 

Then again, you probably weren’t going to get that as a debut author anyway, so get that straight in your mind. 

Here’s the deal: There’s nothing a small press can do that you cannot also theoretically do as a self-publisher. The difference is that if you’re doing it yourself, you need to spend $$ up-front. You have to be prepared to pay for:

Cover art

Interior design/formatting

ISBN# 

Printing costs/distribution 

Audio recordings if you want audio books 

Professional editing

And you carry 100% of the costs of marketing/promotion. 

Yes, you can DIY the things above, but you’ll be competing with people who are hiring professionals to do it, so you won’t be on even footing. 

So: What an indie publisher does for you is absorb the start-up costs. You should still go into it expecting to have to market your ass off to get the book noticed. With me so far? 

Not All Publishers are Created Equal

Ok. So you’ve decided you want to query a publisher. First, how do you find one? 

You can search market listings with a resource like Writer’s Market, Duotrope, Ralan’s, Dark Markets, etc. 

Or you can look for books like the one you’ve written, or books that are doing well in your genre, and look up who the publisher is on each one. 

Or you can find the genre award (say, a Hugo or a Stoker) for the last few years and look up who all the publishers are. 

Whatever the case, make yourself a list of promising-looking publishers. Then assess each one: 

Does the website look professional? It doesn’t have to look super polished, but it should look like it wasn’t slapped together on Angelfire in 1996.

Does the site look like it’s primarily geared toward people looking to buy books, or to writers? You should be able to find a submissions/guidelines page somewhere, but that shouldn’t be the sole focus of the site. 

Navigate to the catalog. How many books do they release at a time? A publisher with a ton of titles per month probably isn’t giving them much individual attention and is instead just shotgunning them out hoping that 1 or 2 will stick. 

Have you ever heard of any of the authors they’ve published? Google them. You’ll probably see a lot of debut novelists, but you should be cautious if they’re only publishing debut novelists. Who are these authors? Are they winning literary awards? Do they have social media presence? Do they have decent reviews? Are they “somebodies” in any sense? 

Order a book or two. How does the cover look? How does the interior look? How is the editing? Does it look clean and professional? Would you pay money for it? Does it look like somebody did pay money for it? 

Do they have social media? How many followers? Do people seem to be engaged and friendly or are there a bunch of angry reviews, spam, etc? 

Cross any publisher off your list who’s churning out work that looks like something you could do yourself. 

Next up, verify that the publisher is legitimate (OK you can do this step first, but I think the research is easier with a shorter list, and you can knock a bunch of publishers out of the running just by glancing at their website)

Do a google search for the company + the word “scam” and see if anything incriminating pops up 

Check in with the site Preditors & Editors (currently under maintenance) or SFWA’s Writer Beware section: https://www.sfwa.org/other-resources/for-authors/writer-beware/

Check the Absolute Write watercoolor forum. You don’t have to join or post - you can just do a cursory search.

In general a publisher you work with should have an established presence on the internet, and that presence should be basically positive. One angry Yelp reviewer or ranting blogger isn’t necessarily a disqualifier...but anything that looks like a pattern of bad behavior should immediately knock the publisher off your list. 

If the publisher seems on the up-and-up, go ahead and read their submission guidelines, and take some time to make sure you’re following them all by the letter. (One exception: Simultaneous submissions. Some publishers don’t mind them, some say they’re not allowed. You can generally ignore that. It can take up to a year to hear back from some publishers, you can’t wait on a string for them. Just send it where you’re going to send it, and if you sign a contract, email everyone else to withdraw the manuscript). 

Okay. So now you’ve submitted your manuscript, and they’ve offered you a contract! What are you looking for? 

You should be paying NOTHING of your own money out-of-pocket for editing, packaging, or distributing the book. You do not send a publisher money. You either are paying professionals yourself to outsource things, or your publisher is absorbing those costs. You do not pay the publisher. 

The royalties should be reasonable. 10% on hardback/paperback and 30% on ebooks is pretty standard. Some places offer a higher %, some lower, but if they’re outside of that range, there should be a reason why that makes sense. 

Is there an advance? There may not be, and that’s fine -- their monetary investment in your book is an advance. But if there is an advance, how are you being paid, and how does that advance affect the royalty rate? 

What rights are they buying? Ideally you’re wanting to keep as many rights as you can, and want to avoid selling rights for things the publisher can’t actually do (ie, don’t sell international rights if the publisher doesn’t distribute internationally). 

When do rights revert back? You should never be selling lifetime rights to something, or exclusive rights to future projects, or anything else extreme like that unless, like, they’re giving you a shit ton of money and even then maybe not. A lot of publishers will have something like, they own the rights until the book has gone X long without selling X copies, X many years after publication, and that’s what you want. Then the book can be reprinted or whatever in the future. 

Every contract is different, so all I can really advise you here is to read over it with a fine-tooth comb, look up any terminology you don’t understand, and ask someone to help if you have someone available. Mostly, go with your gut. Do you feel happy with what they’re offering? Or does it make you feel uneasy? 

What to Avoid? 

In general, you should avoid querying any publisher who: 

Advertises directly to you via spam or targeted ads in your email/social media

Charges you money for anything or offers to upsell you on “premium” services 

Has no existing catalog of work* 

Isn’t producing something you’d want to buy (as a reader) or pay for yourself (as a writer/self-publisher) 

Hopefully all of that helps! I’m by no means an expert in this stuff, but these are some tips I’ve learned along the way that can maybe help you out with getting your book published (or at least feeling less scared of the process). 

[kingofmyfancyheart]

“Don’t you dream impossible things?”

On Friday August 2, 2019 one of my biggest dreams came true. I met my favourite musician, role model and best friend: TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. Here’s my story:

So it was on a Tuesday evening when I received the message of messages on twitter. The Direct Message from Taylor Nation. I was just casually looking at my phone since it had been around 6 PM. I also got a message from Tayswiftdotcom about the ME! Vinyl, which I won… But of course I read the message from TN first and I was SHOOK. I don’t know my exact reaction, but I must have been in shock. I was even wondering if this really would be for secret sessions??? I first told my best friend – the one I trust with my heart – as fast as I can. It went like ‘OMG E’ ‘OMG KSJOD OMG’ and she knew what it was. She actually didn’t know more info. SHE JUST KNEW.

I told about the message to my parents, sister and another best friend too. My sister knew a bit about secret sessions and stuff already, but my parents didn’t. My mom was even a bit scared that I would get kidnapped or something jsfkdjsfldjs but I comforted her. This was all real and TN is real. Verified. Legit. It was real 100% SURE. The message was real. As soon as I read the message, I answered with my information and then the waiting began. And the wait seemed to be SO long!!! Although it wasn’t THAT long, but feeling wise… I kept checking my DM’s. Did they read my reply already? Fortunately I had things to do in the meantime. This helped me to distract myself from social media.

     I got the call on Thursday, July 18, around 10 PM. It was after my mom’s birthday. I received a call waiting as I was calling with my sister already. It took me a few seconds to realize though. So I said “wait, I got a call” and checked the screen… and then I saw a US phone number. I immediately got back to my sister: “THEY’RE CALLING!!! I NEED TO HANG UP NOW.” So I hung up, but TN also did. So… I immediately called them back, while I ran upstairs with a notebook and pen. I didn’t even think about how much this call was going to cost me… I just didn’t realize, HAHAHA. I sat down behind my desk without even turning on the lights and waited. Then I heard “do I speak with Mrs. Jennifer?” and my nerves went SKY HIGH. It was Michael from Taylor Nation. The conversation remained 16 minutes and 23 seconds. I know, quite long, but that’s because of my lack of English… haha. During the call they invited me officially to go to the UK for… an event.

After the call it was time to rearrange things. Luckily enough I still had two weeks left. My sister helped me much with searching for flights and an accommodation. I’ve not much personal travel experience… I just really needed a little help. I wasn’t going to travel on my own, but with my mom who still had days off. We booked our accommodation in a lovely place near London. Of course I would have LOVED to sleep in the big city, but well… I’m definitely going back once. It was a nice and calm introduction to the UK for me.

     On July 25 I had a lunch with my best friend E. We also had a little shopping spree. Of course I wanted to have a new outfit for this special day. AND I WASN’T THE PERSON WHO FOUND THE DRESS. No, my best friend spotted the dress and I immediately was like ‘YES!!! That’s it!’ It looked so romantic, lovely and it was screaming Lover at me.

     In the two weeks before my flight I’ve been so excited. It’s been such a weird time, like… When I scrolled through my timeline and saw tweets about secret sessions (stuff like ‘which pose would you choose?’), I was giggling and thinking ‘wait, so I’m going to be THERE??? LIKE REALLY THERE – IN HER HOUSE?????’ It felt so insane and surreal. I couldn’t believe it.

We arrived in the UK on Thursday August 1 and took it slowly. We didn’t have much time and both my mom and me needed some time to acclimatize. We decided to stay just in the countryside of London, which was really okay to me. Actually I loved it very much. I love nature and more local places and especially the place where we stayed. On the other hand, our place still had this big shopping mall with shops like New Look, H&M and Top Shop. It was a small town, but not that boring haha.

     Around 4 PM we were arriving at our accommodation, where we met the guest lady (Arie). She was so kind and friendly!!! And the house looked beautiful and lovely just like the town. My mom and me had room 5 which was one of the attic rooms. Normally we would have shared a bathroom with room 6, but that day we had a private one since room 6 hadn’t been booked yet.

     So, when the guest lady was introducing herself, she also complimented my t-shirt. I wore my Meredith shirt from Taylor’s collection, so that was really nice! She even told me she was going to search for the shirt online! She needed it hahaha!!! That conversation made me like this lady even more.

But well… the day went by and suddenly it was Friday. August 2. THE DAY OF THE EVENT. And NOW I really felt the nerves and excitement. Yes, this morning I finally felt the nerves. Although it came even more later on the day, but I’ll talk about that soon. First things first, people. I’m the princess of details. (Taylor is the queen!)

     We didn’t plan anything specific this day except for the event. I think I woke up around 7 AM first, but then I was going back to sleep. And then I woke up again around… ehm, 8:45 AM perhaps? I don’t know, but I woke up before my alarm set. (I set my alarm for 10 AM.) I ate my oats breakfast while staying in bed. Like, it was still a holiday, so let’s serve myself some breakfast in bed. My mom was also awake and had the same breakfast. After breakfast I watched one episode of Gilmore Girls and then afterwards it was time to get ready, I guess.

     I was wearing the new bought dress and a flower headband, which seemed a really good idea. But I’ll come back at you about that later. We booked my taxi for 1:30 PM. I asked mom if she would walk with me to the gate. In this way she could see by herself who was going to bring me to the meeting point. It would made me feel a bit more safely. Also, it was a bit unclear whether the return taxi was included in the same booking as the afternoon one or not. This all ended well though. :) I arrived on the exact time as Google Maps told me I was going to be. This meant I was waaaaay too early, but well… Better early than too late, right? That’s why I brought a book with me (can you see me? – by Libby Scott & Rebecca Westcott). During the taxi ride the driver asked me where I was going. “Do you have to work?” he asked and so, I was like “no… I got invited for some event…” that’s it. Of course. I didn’t dare to tell ANYONE about this except the five people, who I trust with my whole heart. That was quite hard for me btw, since I’ve always been so honest to everyone. So, when I was arriving at the meeting point, I went into the lobby to sit down somewhere. I thought: no way that there’ll be someone already this early. But then there was this girl… she was on the phone, though, but I thought immediately: could she be invited too??? We were looking at each other a few times and then she hang up. She decided to sit near me and then… she (@yntcdtyler) asked. “Are you her for…?” And we were both like ‘YES!! FINALLY I CAN TALK WITH SOMEONE ABOUT IT.’ Apparently, I didn’t need to bring a book with me.

Later on more Swifties were arriving and for some reason we recognized each other immediately. Even though we didn’t really know each other. Or well… Sometimes WE DID KNOW each other. Like, that one time I met one of my fellow DUTCH SWIFTIES (@danique99xkiss) for the FIRST TIME AT THE MEETING POINT FOR A SECRET SESSION. Like… HOW??? APPARENTLY TAYLOR DECIDED TO INVITE US BOTH!! FOR! A! SECRET! SESSION! And we weren’t the only two Dutch Swifties. There were like six or seven people, who had Dutch as a native language. And there were so many different internationalities!!! People from Belgium, Spain, Croatia, Germany, Canada, even Singapore!!! But I was so glad with my fellow Dutchies. It made me feel a bit more comfortable. It was nice to meet everyone out there right before the evening of our lives was going to start.

     Around 4 PM someone from TN walked over to us. She greeted us and took us with her, while everyone was thinking ‘IT’S STARTING!!!’ But unfortunately when we were inside, we still had to wait for like an hour. Hahaha, but well, we were together and again: it was so nice seeing everyone there! I just knew everyone was going to be sweet. We all had one big common interest. We were all here for the same reason. I sat next to my fellow Dutchies Danique, Britt (@alltoowonderland13) and Mila (@taylaaahhh-13) and also behind Laurens (@gotthatwhitetshirt) and a few other people. While everyone was mingling, walking around and talking with each other, I just sat there… Although I tried to talk too, but socializing isn’t my best treat. @ London Sessioners: Sorry if I was a bit quiet… I’ve always been the shy, introvert person… Please don’t think that I didn’t like you all, CAUSE I DID!!!

We had to leave all of our stuff in this room and couldn’t take a bag with us. And then, around 5 PM, we were about to leave… NOW IT WAS STARTING. FOR REAL. So everyone walked over to the door, where we were waiting to get on the buses. I stood next to Mila and realized that I hadn’t drunk water, yet. But in that moment I started to feel a bit dizzy or something… Maybe because of the nerves? So I decided to take a glass of water anyway. I didn’t want to faint omg. Mila and I got on the first bus and… I just kept thinking: THIS IS REAL!!!!

When our bus was arriving at THE HOUSE, someone from TN told us that that we had to pretend we’re excited, hahaha. They were going to film us, when we ran of the bus. Well, of course we didn’t need to PRETEND everything. Our feelings were ALL REAL. Duh. Oh btw, my first reaction to her house was like ‘omg this is really the house of a queen! It looks so royal!’ Like, it was so big!!!! I actually don’t know what I was thinking, when I walked through her front door… I guess I was just very impressed. And in shock. Oh and when we were all standing in the bus ready for our run, I said to no one in particular ‘I hope I won’t fall during my run’. I really felt my legs shaking jkdsfjksjf but fortunately it went well. I think I looked SUPER happy and enthusiastic.

    Taylor’s house smelled so good. So, I don’t know exactly what I was thinking on my way through the hallway, but I know that for a moment I really thought (OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND REALLY WEIRD)… I really thought for a second that one of the security said ‘goedemorgen’ to me. I mean ‘good morning’, but in Dutch. I DON’T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT SO OMG, I’M JUST CRAZY HAHAHAHA. I think I was dreaming. But I really heard him saying ‘good morning’ in my own language, BUT THAT’S SO IMPOSSIBLE HAHAHAHA! @taylornation please confirm so I could decide if I’m really crazy or not

    Anyway. I tried to take everything in so carefully. I just wanted to remember this experience very well, so I was paying attention to the most small details. She had so many perfumed candles around her house!!! And there was a cupboard in the dining room with many boardgames. The dining room was a very light and bright room because of all the windows and glass doors, which were all open widely. We were allowed to walk onto the porch too, where we could find cold drinks. Inside there was a table with pizza and burgers and also one with vegetables, fruit and Lover M&Ms (those were SO cute!!!) I remember how at first everyone was just walking around and looking at everything. No one dared to touch something lol, but soon enough people took food and drinks. And later people were sitting on the chairs. It was very surreal and bizarre to be walking around her house as casual like that. In the garden there was a trampoline too and two soccer goals. We thought those soccer goals were Joe’s idea, but that’s actually bsh*t. I mean, we all know Taylor can play soccer. Riiight.

Inside the house I was still a bit quiet and shy, but I really had the time of my life. I promise. I was just enjoying the smell of her house and the people surrounding me in silent. Besides, actually I just really couldn’t wait to hear her album!! But it was really amazing to spend time with the group of sessioners in London. At some point You Need To Calm Down was playing and everyone in the dining room started to sing SO loud. Like, really, REALLY loud!!! I was in shock!! And of course I just sang out loud with them! Some lyrics we even sang out LOUDER, like for example the sentence ‘AND SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY!!!!!’ That was SO awesome. I was standing next to the girl in the red dress (@taylorisglowinginthedark) and we immediately looked at each other after that sentence with this big smile <3 I really think Taylor heard us. She MUST HAVE. @taylorswift YOU MUST HAVE. 

    Not much later after this moment the listening session was going to start, but just before we go to that I still want you to tell about something. At another point there was a butterfly flying through the dining room and THAT WAS SUCH A MAGICAL MOMENT. For me it felt like Taylor was inside the room, but like, undercover. Hahaha. I know, surreal, but this whole day was surreal. So. But it was really one of my favourite moments. I mean, everyone was looking at the butterfly. It connected us just like Taylor and her music connects us <3 

So, time to go into her living room. WHAT. YES. I SAT IN HER FREAKING LIVING ROOM!!!!! I SPEND A WHOLE EVENING WITH TAYLOR AND 70+ SWIFTIES. I sat somewhere in the back, because the room was full already when I walked in. But I found the perfect place. Inside a fire place btw hahahahaha, which wasn’t on fire of course hahahahfdhsfosjfosjf why did I say that? Of course it wasn’t on fire, sigh. My mind. Anyway, I sat half in the fire place and next to the air-conditioning AND a tissue box. So, perfect place. I shared the tissue box with Zita and Danique immediately, because I just KNEW we were going to need that. The parents from some Swifties were also sitting in the back on couches, and Tree of course, while we sat on those light pink blankets laying across the floor. Taylor put multiple cushions as well on the floor, so it looked all cosy. I loved the atmosphere. Up in the front there was a big chair with a side table, where obviously Taylor was going to sit with her iPod. THE IPOD. WITH THE MOST PRECIOUS THING. LOVER. We’d been surrounded by candles again and much wood. It was just a really cosy and warm place. Just as warm as her heart.

    And then. . . . . . .Taylor walked in. AND WE SCREAMED. AND CRIED. AND SCREAMED. AND YELLED. She walked in from a door somewhere in the front, which lead to the kitchen, I guess. But I’m not sure. She was wearing a very soft and sweet outfit: pastel green shirt with stripes, white shorts and sneakers with stars pattern. I remember how I was just staring at her. I guess all I thought was ‘THIS IS REAL. SHE IS REAL.’ Her voice was so friendly and soft as well. It was truly amazing to hear all the backstories straight from her mouth. I could have listened to her FOR HOURS. I really wouldn’t mind. I was smiling really big the WHOLE time. I’m truly honest when I’m saying that I liked each song on the album. Also, Lover gave me many 1989 vibes, but more grown up.

During the listening session Taylor held a short break, so we could stretch legs and taste her SELFMADE PASTEL COLOURED RICE CRISPIES. AND THEY WERE DELICIOUS!!! Very sticky, but still very delicious. It was the perfect snack after hearing the most emotional song EVER.

    Taylor took us outside while holding the plate with snacks. Although I was just realizing this in the dining room. Then I realized it was TAYLOR HERSELF who was walking in the front hahahaha. I really was on cloud nine. There were some Swifties who were allowed to jump on the trampoline. I didn’t hear this by myself at the moment, but apparently at that moment Taylor was saying ‘THOSE ARE MY KIDS’. After this she walked over to the parents – with a glass of white wine – to introduce herself, which is SO Taylor. And of course the parents took their children with them. It was all so amazing. The fact that she was just standing in the middle and talked to us in this casual way. Surreal. Taylor asked if people didn’t need to go to the toilet, but yeah, of course not. We all wanted to stay there with her. Duh. Hahaha!

After a while we were walking back inside for the second half of the listening part. First I was thinking of going to the toilet, but then I saw everyone going inside the living room and I thought ‘oh whatever’. Hahaha, I still had a place somewhere in the back though. But again not a bad place. Maybe it was even a better place. I had a bit more space now. I was still sitting next to Zita and Danique, and also to a girl with very cute cat shoes and @taylorisglowinginthedark. She had been sitting IN FRONT OF TAYLOR during the first half, which must have been a whole experience by itself!!! That’s also a reason why she wanted to sit more in the back now. I could understand. She wanted to give other persons the chance to have this kind of view also.

    I tried to listen very carefully during the session. I couldn’t take my eyes off Taylor, but just because I didn’t want to miss a single thing!! I loved it so much how she was singing along with each song and doing those little dances. SHE’S SO CUTE, FUNNY AND SUCH A DORK!!! <3 When I was listening to the songs, I tried to let my body and feelings speak. I wanted it to experience as calm as possible, so I would let the songs sink in deeply. I thought that would possibly help me to NOT forget anything about this evening. If I’ll be listening to her album again on August 23 (or later), I hope I can remember everything again so clearly like I’m back again in her living room. This was such a special night. Once in a lifetime experience.

    So, I said it already that I liked each song and that’s really TRUE. I’m not lying to you and also, this is just MY opinion. Personally I didn’t think during any song ‘meh…’ I also have some favourites… Track 7, 8 and 10… Not saying anything more. Just that.

After the listening session we were allowed to look into the DELUXE JOURNALS, which was such an honour. Unfortunately I didn’t hold one in my own hands, but well, I saw them and they looked really beautiful. And I was going to buy them (all) anyway. Hahahaha. Ever since we’ve heard about the content, I decided that I just want them ALL. GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL. My feeling between the listening session and the individual meet & greet was… weird. The evening was almost over, but the best part had to come now. And I just felt… I don’t know. But I know that I was walking from inside to the porch and back a few times. Mostly I stood with fellow Dutchies Mila and Danique, but sometimes it became a bit hot inside and so, I walked over to the porch. OH by the way, right after the listening part we got selfmade baking stuff again!! This time Taylor made VERY CUTE HEART-SHAPED PINK LOVER COOKIES. And since I’ve been a cookie monster, I ate them immediately of course. Although they were actually too beautiful to eat, but yeah… Wouldn’t it be rude if we did NOT eat them directly?

    During the wait before the meet & greet I just couldn’t catch up with my mind anymore. I had so much stuff to process. It was TOO MUCH for my brain. But well, I survived anyway. But yeah, this evening was very surreal and a whole new fan experience.

    Luckily I didn’t black out during my meet & greet with (THE ONE AND ONLY) Taylor Alison Swift. Since it all took a little longer than expected, some Swifties were given priority. For example, when people had to catch the train or booked a taxi. Something which I did indeed. Around 9:30 PM I told TN about this, but they were letting me wait anyway. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to give me priority, but apparently later on it was.

And then. . . . . . . I was in line for THE MEET & GREET. When I was standing there, I looked over my shoulder for a moment to check at my Dutch friends and was like ‘eeeek I’M ALMOST THERE’. I was standing behind the sweet girl from Singapore and we were both so nervous. Also, my eye decided to irritate JUST at that exact moment. Like, WHY???? Fortunately, I had everything under control before my moment with Tay. And I was so happy with the huge mirror in the hallway.

    I don’t know the exact time of when I was walking into the living room. I didn’t wear a watch jksjdlfdsj, but I know what was happening at first. When I just entered the room, Taylor said to me, very enthusiastic, “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING OVER!” followed by the BEST. HUG. EVER. It was a really big, warm and REAL hug. She didn’t let go until I was deciding to (unfortunately). After her “THANK YOU” I was like “YOU’RE WELCOME” and told her how I would have come anyway. How I’ve done anything to come, because I just had to be there. Something like that.

    Then I told her that I came with my mom. So she responded “Oh, she’s here?!”, but I was like “no, she’s still in the bed & breakfast”. Then Taylor said “oh, could you thank your mom for me for taking you here, please?” which was SO SWEET OF HER. How she thought about my mom <3 During our conversation she had this very sweet and friendly face the whole time. SHE’S JUST SWEET, PERIOD.

    At some point Taylor also called me Jenni, probably because of my necklace. So I was like “it’s Jennifer actually, but…” and then she was a bit confused. She responded: “Oh, I always thought it was Jenni! But I’ll call you Jennifer then.” And just how she said my name and nickname… such a moment. It felt so personal. Hearing your full name said by one of the biggest musicians. I just--

     When I told her that I liked each song on the album, she was like “REALLY??” when she held up her hand for a HIGH FIVE. LOVE HER. Oh, and also, HOW COULD I FORGET THIS???? Taylor also said “I like the flowers in your hair!!!” which was such a sweet comment!!!!! I’m so happy that I wore the headband. I just thought ‘this is very Lover era, so I should wear it’, but didn’t think of THIS.

    Then it was time for our picture.Taylor asked me if I was thinking about a pose already. I answered “maybe we can hug and ehm… hold hands??” So she asked me “oh, and do you want it like this…” – she took my hand and hold it in a ~normal~ way and then she intertwined our fingers – “or this?” And immediately I was like ‘YES!!!’ Then she hold me even closer to her and SNAP! PICTURE TAKEN! Afterwards I thought ‘I hope this picture turned out well??? Did I smile?? How did I look?’, but I didn’t ask about the picture anyway. Right before I walked out, Taylor was saying to me “SEE YOU ONLINE!” and so I responded “see you at a concert!!” and that’s that. Wow.

Outside the room the sweet, blonde girl with the camera – from TN – was waiting for me. She asked how it was and I was like “good”??? I didn’t really know what to answer, I was just in awe. I also got a customized bag with merchandise. And then I was walking into the bus, where everyone asked how it was and again I was like “GOOD”. Nothing more. I was really on cloud nine now and so much in shock.

    When we were all waiting inside the bus to go back to the hotel, I felt really dreamy and sleepy. I also really felt the urge to call MY SISTER!! Or just someone, but I wanted to call my sister first <3 But yeah, we didn’t have our phones yet. So I talked a bit with my neighbour, which was the sweet girl from Singapore! Although she was talking more than me, but well :) I loved her energy. Then after some time the bus was going to leave. It was … ehm, around 11 PM? When the bus was driving away slowly, it came past the meeting room. And. . . YES, the curtains were open. So we had a little sneak peek inside and saw TAYLOR!!! Which made us scream of course haha. Unfortunately someone from TN decided to close the curtains then, which she did slowly though… And she was waving, haha. She looked sweet and friendly. A sweet goodbye :( <3

Back at the meeting point I was waiting outside with Britt. It felt weird to be back at that place, while having a Lover Secret Sessions tote bag with me. Like, SOMETHING VERY BIG HAPPENED TONIGHT. WE MET ONE OF THE BIGGEST POPSTARS. TAYLOR. SWIFT. TAYLOR SWIFT. WE WERE AT HER HOUSE!!! Britt was also panicking a bit, because she didn’t really know how to go back to her hostel. But luckily we fixed that together (and with a local AND Stephanie from TN!! SWEET!) and she booked a taxi, so she was safe apparently :) And then my taxi arrived at 11:30 PM. . . . . . .

I’m posting the story on August 18, which is more than two weeks later. I had some time to let it all sink in, which was quite hard. Like, it was just SO surreal. I keep using this word, but it’s just the only thing I could come up with. My feelings during this evening cannot really be described actually. I enjoyed EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this experience!! I’m very grateful for the chance. Thank you @taylornation SO much for inviting me to @taylorswift‘s house. And thank you Taylor for letting me in your house! <3 I didn't tell you everything I wanted, since I had this whole list of things. But well... I had the time of my life with you and all the other Swifties. And that's what matters. This has been one of the happiest days of my life. 

[aurora077]

Hermione’s Moment

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13181660/1/Hermione-s-Moment

It was hard, keeping it a secret from her friends. Hermione felt like twirling around and shouting it to the world. She had to keep fighting the grin that rose unconsciously to her face whenever anyone mentioned him (and Ron mentioned him a lot). But she knew that she had to. Nobody would believe her (And if they did she certainly didn’t want his fans to go all manic on her).

Well, at least the boys wouldn’t believe her (Ginny on the other hand had been terribly excited for her. She couldn’t have hidden it from everyone or she was sure she would spontaneously combust). They hadn’t even registered she was supposedly free for the ball. They were scrambling about like headless chickens, searching for someone to go to the ball with. They’d been through a list of all the girls at Hogwarts that they knew or had classes with, but not once did they consider asking her, their supposed best friend. In fact, they were so worried about their own dates, they never even bothered to ask her if there was anyone she was going with or wanted to go with. It made her a bit upset quite frankly.

They were her best friends. But sometimes, it seemed like they didn’t consider her much. Even if they didn’t think to ask her themselves, they still could have been worried about if she had a date as well (like they were currently doing for each other). However she didn’t even cross their minds. It was quite pathetic to think about really. It was times like this that Hermione wondered if it would be better to try and branch out and make other friends as well, except, well, she was never very good at making friends in the first place.

Which is why it took her completely by surprise when Krum –no, Viktor, asked her of all people to the ball. She spent most of her time in the library doing work and research to help Harry, you know, one of said best friends who didn’t have the time to think about her even though she stood by him the entire time as opposed to other said best friend, (no she wasn’t bitter about being left out at all). She had no idea how Viktor had even seen her behind all the books she had stacked around her (and the hordes of giggling girls flocking around him). But seen her he had. As it turns out, most surprisingly at that, Viktor Krum was shy. He told her he had had to work up the courage to come talk to her. And there she was hating on him because his presence brought the annoying army of fans to the library where they proceeded to completely disrupt her concentration. It made her feel like a right jerk. But also completely fluttery inside.

She felt like something out of a muggle fairytale had just happened. Because though fangirl she was not, she was very aware of the fact that this was an international Quidditch star. Ron couldn’t shut up about him after all, so she was certainly acquainted with his accomplishments. So an internationally famous Quidditch star asked her, Hermione Granger, to the Yule Ball. Which he was attending as a champion. In other words he asked the girl most people ignored to open the ball with him as his partner. Well, most people other than Cormac McLaggen who seemed to have been making his way over to her a few times, presumably to ask her to be his date. But she deftly avoided him....much as she might have wanted a date, she’d rather have none than have to spend the entire ball listening to him going on and on about himself. It didn’t matter how handsome he was, he was so self-absorbed it was sickening. Viktor on the other hand had been nervous and shy, nothing like she would have expected him to be (Cormac probably used up the quota of arrogance.) It was difficult to say no to such a humble request. He had asked her quite nicely if she would do him the honour of accompanying him to the ball. Except he stuttered and fumbled with his English which she actually thought was quite adorable. (She spent the rest of the day with him in a secluded corner of the library trying to help him with his pronunciation at his red-faced request since he had been having trouble with her name.)

The Triwizard Tournament had suddenly meant more than just the dangerous competition that could get her best friend killed. (Which she hadn’t forgotten about no matter what Ron would later suggest). She actually had something to look forward to. She had figured if nobody asked her she would ask Ginny to go with her as a friend since the girl wouldn’t have been able to go otherwise. Ginny was buzzing with excitement for her and didn’t mind that she couldn’t go with Hermione because Neville, poor sweet Neville, had asked her to go with him after Hermione turned him down in potions. She had never considered that he might ask to be honest but she was glad that it worked out and that both Ginny and Neville got a date out of it.

She didn’t mind keeping it a secret from most people since Ginny knew who she was going with so they could talk about it together, though she did have to stop herself from skipping through the halls or people would get suspicious. She was just so ecstatic! She’d been spending some more time with Viktor lately and he was so sweet it made her heart melt. She’d never imagined someone would take an interest in her, especially not someone like him. If her own friends couldn’t even be bothered with her, why would anyone else? She was never so happy to be proven wrong. The only downside was that they would have to meet in secret because neither of them wanted to be interrupted by his fans. In fact, he told her that he loved Quidditch and was happy that the people liked him, but that he’d really appreciate some privacy in his life. He wasn’t fond of fame, much like Harry in a way. He just wanted to do what he loved and make his country proud. And he liked to read! Certainly not as much as she did, but casual reading was better than no reading at all. He listened to her and paid attention to her interests. In turn, he knew he could trust her enough to talk to her about himself without it getting out to the press. He couldn’t spend as much time with her as either of them liked though because like it or not there was a deadly tournament looming over the heads of the champions, previously affecting one person she cared about, and now it was two. She didn’t help him since she was still loyal to Hogwarts and Harry. It was a competition after all. But then again they didn’t talk much about the competition anyway.

For the first time in her life she could say she felt wholly like a girl. Viktor made her feel special and appreciated in a way nobody else in her life had. It made her giddy. She was looking forward to the ball, and despite the fact that they were from different countries, she was hoping to keep him in her life in some form or the other. She wasn’t silly enough to think they would get married and have 10 kids and a white picket fence, but she did acknowledge that at this point she’d be open to a relationship with him. Even if that didn’t work out, he’d be a valuable friend. He was already a better friend in some ways than her current male companions. She cared for them of course, and she knew they cared about her, but she definitely didn’t feel it sometimes.

“Hermione..” someone snapped their fingers in front of her and she jumped.

“I’ve called your name 5 times already, but you were in lala land,” Ginny said, laughing at her surprise.

“Oh sorry Gin, I was just thinking,” she said.

“Yeah, I know you were,” Ginny smirked, “I bet I know about what too.”

“Oh hush,” she blushed.

“Anyyyway, I came to tell you we’re going dress shopping!” Ginny said excitedly.

“We are?”

“Yes! We’ll just pop on over to Gladrags in Hogsmeade. Of course mine will probably be second-hand but no worries! It is going to be your night!” Ginny insisted.

And for once, she had to agree. It was going to be her night. Whether anyone else knew it yet or not.

[kuchenprince]

APH Bulgaria Pokemon Team

Info from:

Wikipedia

TheFactFile

Geography Now

Bulbapedia

Hetalia Archives

Bulgaria is one of the most underrated countries in the world.

Bulgaria has a lot of beautiful landscapes, and above all of them, it has a lot of caves, the most important being the Devil’s Throat cave with the world’s most highest underground waterfall.

Gabite is classified as the “Cave pokemon”, like #621 Druddigon, but I chose this pokemon because, as the pokedex says, Gabite is passionate about shiny objects, such as gems and even Carbink, and it hoards a collection of them in its nest.

This reminded my about the Varna Necropolis (Bulgarian: Варненски некропол) is a burial site from 4569–4340 BC, internationally considered one of the key archaeological sites in world prehistory, where the oldest  golden treasure in the world, with about 6,000 years old, showing that the Varna people invented gold working and were some of the first gold smelters.

Talking about caves, you know that when you go into a cave in the pokemon world, you bump into many bat pokemons. Bulgaria has 32 of the 37 species of bats in Europe.

I chose Woobat and not zubat or other bat pokemon, because in comparison of them, woobat is based on a frugivorous bat. And what does fruit have to do with Bulgaria? Rakia.

Rakia (Fruit brandy) is the national drink of Bulgaria. A recent discovery by a team of archaeologists led by Philip Petrunov discovered near the fortress "Lyutitsa" (in Ivaylovgrad) fragment of the distillation container for the production of rakia. According to experts discovery dates back to the 11th century AD.

Funny fact: In the invasion of the Ottomans, the Turkish commander Lala Sahin, who failed to conquer Sofia in 1382, explained to the Ottoman sultan that "The defense of the city was entrusted to strong, healthy Bulgarians "with mustaches" that before battle drank rakia and so became invincible".

Another food that is a symbol of Bulgaria is the yogurt. Bulgaria is the only place in the world where the yogurt is fermented with the Lactobacillus Bulgaricus, that is only found in the air in Bulgaria. This bacteria gives the yogurt a distinct twang in flavor unlike any other yogurt, and the milk coming from cows or sheep, that typically graze off of high herb rich pastures, enriching the product with even more health benefits.

Nestinarstvo (Bulgarian: нестинарство) is a fire ritual originally performed in several Bulgarian- and Greek-speaking villages in the Strandzha Mountains, of Thracian origin, that was entered in the UNESCO Intangible Cultural Heritage Lists in 2009. It involves a barefoot dance on smouldering embers performed by nestinari (нестинари).

I chose Moltres not just because it’s a fire type pokemon, but because I was searching for a pokemon that somehow was related to the Martenitsa.

A Martenitsa (Bulgarian: мартеница) is a small piece of adornment, made of white and red yarn and usually in the form of two dolls, a male and a female, are worn from Baba Marta Day (March 1) until the wearer first sees a stork, swallow, or budding tree (or until late March). The name of the holiday means "Grandma March" in Bulgarian and the holiday and the wearing of Martenitsi are a Bulgarian tradition related to welcoming the spring, which according to Bulgarian folklore begins in March. Actually, Moltres migrates to the south with the coming of spring, and is said to bring an early springtime to cold lands, also Moltres may be based on legends of firebirds such as the phoenix, or the Slavic firebird. It may also be based on a heron, because of their similarities in shape, a bird that it’s in the same family as the stork.

 And, finally, the most iconic symbol of Bulgaria, are the roses. Roses are cultivated all across the entire country, and most heavily in the Rose Valley, and they have rose festivals

[smollandtoll]

HC: Sid + Anna First (OT3)

So, in a universe in which Anna decides early on in her career that she wants to be a sports journalist, and also decides that if she truly wants to be the top of her career/internationally recognised she’s going to have to go to America and work for ESPN or some other major sports news conglomerate (and we’re definitely not saying that we think that north america is the be all end all for sports in the world because that’s ridiculous but slide along with us here as we have no idea what we’re talking about).

So she studies English, and moves to the states maybe enrolls in college there, starts working her way up. Probably ends up in the metropolitan area (NYC, Philly, Boston, DC), flowing through all the hockey and football and basketball circles for various sporting events, reporting on them.

She and Sid meet through mutual friends.

Maybe after the concussion but before Sochi. Their first date is actually a business meeting, they’re getting coffee to discuss a plan of attack for a profile she’s writing on him probably - he’s wearing all Penguins gear and giving off his best mannequin/robot impression and she’s trying to be 100% hard hitting JOURNALISM. But then they find themselves laughing helplessly at the way Sid spills his coffee and Anna mixes up a word or two (it reminds him of how endearing Geno is probs, he also definitely considers for A HOT MINUTE that he should set G & Anna up maybe).

He probably is deeply interested in how she came to be in the sports business, considering she’s a long way from home and so knowledgeable? Like her looks are one thing, but her SPORTS BRAIN … #sidnerdboner. They’re both super driven, and Anna is smart and funny and sharp as hell, AND she can talk hockey and keep up, and Sid is just like so sincere and a little goofy but also charmingly serious, and they just like each other. They talk for LITERAL HOURS. The coffee shop they’re in probably has to shoo them out when they close and they’re both horrifically embarrassed at how off-track that meeting got when they look around and the place is basically empty.

They both walk away thinking about each other. If he’s honest with himself Anna makes Sid think a lot of Geno. Both tall hot Russian brunettes, smart, funny, take no shit while also giving you shit- and Sid’s definitely been somewhat conditioned to be into Russian accents. He knows how to keep it on the DL in the locker room, but, he’s thought about it. And Anna’s gorgeous, of course he’s thinking about her for a bit there. But, y’know, Sid’s not one to walk away thinking he’s got it in the bag; he probably thinks they just connected well and he’ll hear from her when the article comes out and the little crush will taper off with distance.

So then Sid finds out that Anna has handed off her interview notes with him to someone else in the dept she works with. Sid is completely not there for it, like “But why?! You worked so hard!”

Anna: Can’t be professional and date you. It’s a conflict of interest. Sid: ...date? Anna: Just waiting for you to ask Sid: Oh! Um! For sure.

Sid definitely thought she was out of his league, and maybe would be better off with Geno. Someone more confident and flashy, who knew how to buy her jewels and surprise her with designer shoes and take her on luxury vacations to appreciate her completely aesthetic and not-at-all-practical swimwear. He got a little lost in her instagram one time, SUE HIM HE’S A RED BLOODED MALE AND SHE LOOKS LIKE THAT.

So, he was not prepared for her abrupt interest in him at all...but he likes her too and well, he can’t date Geno...so maybe this is like a healthy middle ground. She reminds him of G so much in addition to everything that’s great about her, and this way he gets the best of both worlds maybe. Y’know, sublimate the one crush into the other.

So then he does ask her out, and they continue to have riveting sports conversations, and Sid appreciates her wicked sense of humour and how familiar she feels. He feels like knowing Geno has been his cheat sheet for knowing Anna, there are things she wants and does and complains about that he’s heard before and has already figured out solutions to, and he’s heard all about Russian women and what they’re into over the years (not that these stereotypes are all true but like, there are cultural differences!).

Sid and Anna are also both SMOKING HOT and have athletic, aesthetically pleasing sex (as much as sex can be aesthetic) that Sid is so INTO BECAUSE HER LEGS NEVER END. He’s so into her natural beauty, her ability to look sexy in one of his oldest hole-iest hoodies and a penguins cap with little to no sleep, face puffy, and her emails open on his breakfast bar. She’s all messy hair and gorgeous tan limbs in his kitchen, and he feels luckier all the time for having her. And Sid - we all know Sid is good boyfriend material; dedicated, honest, funny, hot. Listen, it’s good.

Anna gets along with Sid’s parents, his sister. She definitely gave Taylor hat & hair style advice when dealing with a feminine face that has a strong jawline. She understands EVERYTHING about hockey, including his need for routine or for her to disappear occasionally. His heart stutters when she trash talks baseball players and pinches him after games where he missed easy shots. He loves it, she truly understands and never lets him have an inch.  BASICALLY SID IS HEAD OVER HEELS.

Of course he’s super nervous about introducing her to the guys ESPECIALLY GENO. He’s pretty sure everyone is going to tease him about finding female!Geno and Geno is going to have THOUGHTS because he and Anna will have a connection that Sid cannot understand or access. He’s #nervous.

Geno finds out he’s dating a Russian woman and for the most part IMMEDIATELY HEARTILY APPROVES because Russia best. But then you know he starts really pressuring to meet her. Geno and Anna don’t know each other at all in this universe, she was never a Russian media personality and he’s super famous so their paths never really crossed.

When they do meet it’s at some team get together BBQ. Sid’s been taking Anna around and introducing her to all the guys, and even though they all knew about her they’re still drawing some looks because Sid, damn. You can tell just by looking at them how gently smitten they are with each other. G’s obviously one of the first intros bc let’s be real, he hasn’t let it go since he found out and introducing Anna to anyone other than Flower or Tanger or Duper first would definitely earn a fine. They start chatting and there’s a bit of a nervous charge in the air but Geno is nice and says hi in Russian, and they find out they know a bunch of the same people in Moscow. All those weird woodwork mutual friends. And that takes them into a little chat about Moscow and their favourite places there that Sid can’t really contribute to.

Anna just looking back and forth between them and giving Sid searching looks and as they walk away like, “Your friend seems nice! Malkin’s a big name in Russia lately, I wasn’t sure what kind of man he’d be!”

Sid Thinking: Oh god they have so much chemistry Geno Thinking: ...Oh fuck I am SO INTO MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND Anna Thinking: Everyone is so nice! And hot! Zhenya is so tall. Sid is so thicc these boys are #blessed

Anyway just imagine Geno watching Sid and Anna chatting and laughing together, making the rounds. Sid’s arm just super casually around Anna’s waist, both of them laughing with Cath and Tanger. He would be lowkey jealous of them both and confused about why seeing them together makes him feel like shit. He’d go home with images of them together running through his head, Sid thumbing her hip, the way they leaned their heads together when talking, the arch of their throats laughing, the look in their eyes when they looked at each other.

Just imagine all the events and nights out Anna and Geno find themselves chatting amiably in Russian at. Sometimes they get talking about Sid, one of the many things they have in common, about how they met and funny stories about him. Anna telling Geno one time "well, this is just good timing, I've established my career and I'm ready to get married and be a mom?" softly, while gazing fondly over at Sid and licking BBQ sauce off her thumb.

G is just DYING because Sid's got that plan to like not have kids until he retires but LIKE MAYBE SHE'LL CHANGE HIS MIND. BUT SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO, HE SHOULD JUST WANT IT. A woman this perfect longing to carry his children??? He should be so lucky!!

Geno would always slink home a little miserable and lonely and self-pitying - flicking through his phone’s contacts thinking to organize a hookup but being too depressed to even do that. He’d get a little petty and mad the way G gets, “Sid doesn't even really care about getting married, not lonely like me, not that desperate for another person, he'd be fine on his own! It's not fair!”  He can’t believe how jealous he is but also just can’t get over it.

(It’s easier too to think he’s just jealous of Sid because Anna is amazing, but sometimes after too many vodka shots he can acknowledge that he thinks about Sid with Anna as much as he thinks about Anna with Sid - in the way you can when you know you’re not going to remember the realisation in the morning)

He'd be so terrible about everything, so unreasonable and so jealous of them both, just in a mood for months. He’s not very good at hiding his own feelings for other people’s good. And Geno’s moods affect every part of his life. Sid would probably try numerous times to ask him what's up, maybe eventually would have to sit him down in both friend and captain capacity and be like, ”G are you mad at me? What’s been going on with you? Your penalty minutes are off the charts.”

He’d keep getting brutally shut down and their relationship has NEVER been off like this. They GREW UP TOGETHER, Sid knew Geno was all bluster usually, but when he sat him down solo he usually cracked open and let Sid scoop out and sort through all his tremendous emotions. But now being shut out like this was painful and threw him for a loop. And of course Anna hears all about it, witnessing all of Sid’s bewildered hurt and confusion.

Then eventually Anna would have ENOUGH and be like "fuck this guy for making you feel like shit and also this is wreaking havoc on both your seasons!!"

Sid: I maybe just fell a little bit more in love with you

So she secretly goes to yell at Geno in a language he'll understand. Anna rocking up to his house and being like "So #1 fuck you, #2 what is your PROBLEM?"

Geno: YOU ARE MY PROBLEM! Anna: you don't like me dating Sid? You think I'm not good enough for him? Geno: NO. THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM Anna: So you're jealous of him then? Geno: Also no Anna:  You're jealous of me then. Geno: NO Anna: SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM Geno: BOTH. BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.

He might break into big ridiculous angry tears about it, just months of his own bottled up feelings and emotions he hasn’t been able to vent to ANYONE exploding out. Anna just looking at him with wide eyes for a moment before ushering him further into his own home and setting about making some tea.

Is there some comforting arm patting and texting Sid under the table? Maybe. But mostly Geno realizes what’s happening and gets his shit together enough to shoo her out of his house after profuse apologies and promises to get it together and start acting like a professional. Hopefully it’ll give him some time to curl up and lick his wounds and try to actually get his shit together.

But you can’t exactly put that cat back in the bag, and Anna goes back to Sid, who is so earnest and concerned, sits in his impossibly broad lap and asks if he’s ever thought about fucking Geno. They would look at each other in stunned silence for a few beats too long as a flush slowly rises in his cheeks which gives her her answer.

Sid like “I...I thought about setting the two of you up when we first met. You reminded me of him so much, and I couldn’t have him…but I could have you.” Followed by a rush of reassurances that of course he wants her and she’s his priority that she shuts down with a kiss. They maybe sit there like that for a bit with their foreheads together, just thinking about it.

More than fucking then. A relationship. A great love.

She would probably mull it over for a few days, scrolling through Geno’s instagram where he’s displayed his tender beating heart for the entire world to see. He loves animals, and children and his family. He’s not bad looking at all, the sheer size of his hands make her press her thighs together deliciously. She probably consults his birth chart and considers if she could handle two competitive, headstrong Leos, let alone one who is paired with a Tiger’s stubborn ego. She’d think about all the ways it could work, all the things they like about each other, and also about all the ways it could get fucked up and ruin everything. These things are complicated.

In the end she decides it’s not up to her, it’s up to them. So she bullies them into a sit-down with each other, locking them in the yard with enough food and beer to last the afternoon but promising she would only let them in when they’d worked out their problems and feelings and had come to a mutual decision about how to move forward. Neither of them had even known that the other had any feelings or interest like that; there’s a lot to talk about. And when they’re ready, they knock on the patio door so she can come talk too.

Of course the only real option is to move forward is as a triad, and Geno is not nearly noble and self-sacrificing enough to suffer through his own miserable lonely pining future for the sake of preserving a loved one’s relationship like some Canadians we know. So they agree this can work and move forward, and Anna immensely enjoys the addition that Geno makes to the relationship, spoiling them both with the kind of romance that didn’t come naturally to her or Sid, insisting on dinners out and sunny vacation spots. Also he has impeccable taste in lingerie and she enjoys taking him shopping to surprise and fluster Sid with later. Geno gets both of them, and to push his way in the middle on the couch and be annoying during quiet couch reading sessions, and to argue in favour of puppies and babies, and to smirk at Sid when he walks in on Anna’s legs around Geno on the kitchen counter. And Sid, he just gets everything he’s ever wanted pretty much.

IT’S A WIN ALL AROUND. OT3.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader -”The Eiffel Tower”

Davros Hotels are considered neutral ground, internationally used for meetings, negotiations and cash only transactions: no weapons allowed, no fighting, no personal vendettas. Since you became the owner of Davros Hotel in Gotham four years ago, The Joker developed a fixation with your long legs. Why? Because you are very tall.Not a mere inch difference in height between the two of you, not at all: more like 8 inches, almost double when you wear high heels.

“This is neutral ground: no weapons allowed, no fighting, no personal vendettas. Davros Hotels are internationally used for meetings, negotiations and cash only transactions; safe haven can also be provided on case to case basis. Breaking the house rules will result in major penalties, including the membership being permanently revoked,” you explain to the new member, even if everyone already knows the oath they are committing to before they join the exclusivist organization.

“Of course, Madam President,” the man agrees without any hesitation.

You take the gold pin engraved with the letter “D” from its small box, attaching it to his suit’s collar.

“Congratulations,” you smile and he kisses your hand, getting up from his chair.

“Thank you,” Jonathan Crane strengthens his back, heading towards the two bodyguards waiting to take him to a meeting taking place on the 35th floor.

Once Scarecrow exits your office, The Joker taps his green cane on the marble floor, grinning. The Clown Prince of Crime just “happened” to be here for the short ceremony and quietly waited on the couch until you were done.

“That was emotional,” he chuckles, staring at your long legs showing from behind the glass desk.

“Mister J, are you participating in any meetings today?” you cut him off because you have a feeling he’s here without any purpose in particular.

“Nope, I’m just visiting so I can take care of my obsession,” he smirks and you don’t tolerate that kind of behavior at work.

“J, can you not?!”

“Oh, so now I’m J,” the answer doesn’t seem to impress a displeased Y/N that knows exactly what he’s referring to.

You became the owner of the Davros Hotel in Gotham four years ago and The Joker was already a member. Very hard for him to follow any regulations, but every villain, assassin or hitman that respects himself is part of the elite corporation.

From the first time he saw you, J developed a fixation with your long legs. Why? Because you are very tall. Not a mere inch difference in height between the two of you, not at all: more like 8 inches, almost double when you wear high heels.

“Please don’t make me take away your membership,” you start writing in your ledger, hoping he’ll take the hint and get lost.

“I didn’t break any house rules, Madam President,” The Joker brings to your attention and you keep on scribbling, annoyed he’s actually right. “Are you going to watch the meteor shower with me tonight?” J asks and you lift your head up, sighing. “You can bring the kid,” he points towards Emma’s picture on the desk.

“Hmm…If I can bring the kid then I might,” you mumble and return to your task while The King of Gotham continues to analyze what he came for: the fascinating pair of legs he can’t stay away from even if he’d try.

Suddenly, your hand slows down on the paper.

“I wish…” and you pause,”…I wish she could see how beautiful it is,” you gaze at him and unconsciously bite on your cheek.

“I know,” The Joker takes a deep breath and that’s probably all that he will say on the subject.

You nod a faint yes, brushing your fingers on top of the tattoo inside your left wrist: it spells “Emma” in Braille alphabet symbols.

*************

Three years ago

It was Tuesday morning and he barely got out of bed and managed to put on his boxers. J wondered if you already left, but the smell of coffee in the air meant that you were probably still there. He silently headed towards the kitchen and sneaked behind a sleepy Y/N without a word. Your back was turned and didn’t notice he was there; you had a coffee mug half empty on the counter and kept on scrolling through your cell phone.

The thing he liked the most was the fact that you were wearing one of his shirts; it was too short for you and The Joker could see the bottom of your lacy bikini.

“Morning Madam,” he growled and turned you around, kissing your breasts peeking from behind the fabric since the shirt was unbuttoned.

You just smiled and reached for the coffee maker, discretely getting away from his touch while pretending to do something useful.

“Good morning,” you poured some hot liquid for him in another mug and offered the beverage in a hurry. “I have to go; I’ll probably see you later this week, OK?”

“Busy again?” J frowned, sipping from the cup. “I want you to have breakfast with me; I don’t like to eat alone.”

“I can’t, I don’t want to be late,” you tried to go around him and he trapped you against the counter.

“Bulshit! You never stay. Why?” the blue eyes truly demanded an explanation; you could tell he was getting angry.

“Because it feels… too personal,” was the best explanation you could offer.

“And sex is not?” The Joker snarled though his clenched teeth; he seemed mad and you tried to reason with the man you spent the night with.

“Why don’t you call one of your girlfriends over, hm?” you took the cup out of his hand and set it aside, sincerely proposing a reasonable solution for the issue.

“I wanna have breakfast with you! Can’t you understand it’s an honor and a privilege to be invited to eat with The Joker?!”

“Well, it’s an honor and a privilege to sleep with Davro’s owner, so we can say we’re even. Yes?”

Before he could reply you lowered your head to kiss him, aware how much J hated to get on his toes so he can sort of reach your lips.

The reality was that The Joker didn’t want you to stay and eat with him for any other reason besides the fact that he was used to get what he wanted, when he wanted, regardless of the circumstances. You didn’t indulge his whims simply because nothing was owed to The Clown Prince of Crime.

Y/N had a different power over Gotham than The Joker’s; she was protected by the secret society’s laws and principles that not even him could touch. At least not without disastrous consequences.

“I have to be at the hotel early this morning, it’s not a lie. We have a situation in Madrid that requires immediate attention,” you tucked his green hair behind the ears, annoyed with the temper and demands. But he was great in bed and that’s why you dropped by once or twice a week, depending on your busy schedule.

J peeled his shirt off your body, tossing it to the ground.

“Go then!” he raised his voice afterwards, irritated. “Go!”

You calmly walked towards the master bedroom without a word, gathering garments scattered all over the place. He kept on glaring at the tall, naked Y/N wearing only a pair of bikini, mumbling to himself:

“Goddamn Eiffel Tower!”

You raised your hand up and waved without turning, rolling your eyes at the nickname you knew about.

“I heard that!” *************

It turned out the Madrid affair was even more serious than anticipated and it required your presence. You were set to fly to Spain the next morning at 7am,using the organization’s private jet and one of the fake identities at your disposal. Fortunately, you didn’t have to pack too many things because Davros Hotels always accommodate their owners and members with everything necessary no matter the country or location.

Searching your purse for the last details, you realized something important was missing: your yearly planner with handwritten notes, probably left at The Joker’s Penthouse. You recalled stopping by the elevator and digging in your purse for the car keys before you left, placing a bunch of items on the coffee table. It was certainly still there.

Instead of sending one of your men to get the planner, you decided to be the one to drive back to J’s place and recover it: you knew exactly where it was so might as well.

It was 9pm and Frost kind of froze when he saw you, not expecting to see you twice in the same day.

“I’m going upstairs,” you announced your intention and he pressed the button, calling the elevator for you.

“Madam President,” Jonny fake coughed,”you should know that Mister J has…umm…company.”

You chuckled, amused.

“Don’t be childish, Frost. I don’t care; I only forgot something in the lobby. It will take a moment to get.”

“Of course,” he agreed, gulping. Jonny was actually worried for no reason: you occasionally slept with his boss, nothing more. You liked your freedom and he liked his. No strings attached, plain and simple.

When the elevator’s doors opened on the 30th floor, you definitely noticed signs of some kind of party: confetti, drinks, balloons and loud music playing in the background. You tiptoed towards the coffee table, already seeing the tiny notebook was exactly where you left it.

Since the lobby directed straight into the living room, you couldn’t help but take a quick look around the premises: one girl was passed out on the couch, two others were having a pillow fight, visibly drunk and stripped down to their bras and panties. The Joker was sitting on a chair wearing a pair of sweatpants, making out with the woman sitting in his lap. She kept on grinding against him and you could tell he was very worked up about it since her outfit was super skimpy.

Busy guy… you thought and backed out towards the elevator when J saw you and it was kind of awkward, that’s why you felt the need to say something:

“I’m not here!” you shouted and rushed inside, guilty to have interrupted the fun.

Your cellphone rang before you reached the 22nd floor. The Joker’s name popped on the screen and you had to answer.

“I didn’t know you’re coming,” the deep voice sneered.

“Sorry to sneak in like that, but I forgot my planner on the coffee table. I didn’t mean to intrude,” you apologized even if you didn’t have to.

“I can send them away,” he proposed but Y/N had no intention to return that night.

“I didn’t come for sex so there’s no need. Like I said, I simply forgot my planner and I came to retrieve it. I’m flying to Madrid tomorrow and I need it.”

“How long are you gonna be away?”

“For a while, not sure. I’ll call you after I return,” you informed, somewhat flustered.

“Fine!” and J hang up without any further comments.

You sat in your SUV for a few minutes, staring at the cars in the underground parking for no reason. You dreaded your trip, but it had to be done:  Devros managers could never neglect their duties.

Even if the only thing the owner of the Devros Hotel in Gotham wanted for the moment was to call The Joker and tell him to get rid of those girls so she can spend the night with him.

**************

Madrid was a mess; took two months and a half to clear up the craziness: the owner of the Hotel was assassinated and imminent chaos menaced to strike the network in Spain since the successor was the one suspected to have killed his predecessor.

In the end it was proved the new owner was innocent and the charges were dropped, a very tired Y/N finally returning to Gotham after a long absence. You didn’t contact J at all, waiting to get better before seeing him: while abroad, you felt sick for days and ignored your health because you were simply too busy helping out the Organization. And then you found out why.

Ten days after your arrival, The Joker decided to pay you a visit: you weren’t hard to find since you lived at the Penthouse on top of Davros Hotel. He knew you were back and got pissed you didn’t call like you promised. Not because he cared, but because of his ego.

You weren’t in the mood for a meeting when security asked if J should be allowed to come to your suit, but he insisted. You left the door opened for him and he found a pale, much skinnier Y/N waiting for him in the living room, covered with a blanket.

“You didn’t come over,” The Joker criticized instead of hello, reckoning you don’t look good.

“Because I’m sick,” you signaled him to come sit by you on the sofa.

“What’s wrong?” he inquired out of pure curiosity.

You didn’t want to tell him.

Once his body was next to yours, you just fed him some lies, this way he’d leave you alone.

“Nothing to worry about; just a bug I caught while traveling. A lot of stress and sleeplessness on top of everything, you know?”

He pretended to debate, bringing up the real problem:

“So when exactly I’m going to have those long legs of yours up on my shoulders or around my waist, huh?”

Even if you were nauseated, you started laughing like you didn’t laugh in weeks.

“As soon as I’m better, OK?”

“Yeah, but when? I need a time frame,” The Joker attempted to negotiate.

“Soon,” the repeated word made him sigh, exasperated:

“Goddamn Eiffel Tower!”

“Am I that tall?” you teased, waiting for an over-the-top response and you weren’t disappointed.

“Pfft, yeah! I need a fucking stool to hop on if I want to kiss you when we’re standing!”

J expected more laughing but you seemed sad.

“We’re not standing right now…” you whispered and pulled him closer until your lips touched. ”I missed you,” you caressed his face and then leaned back on the pillows, placing your legs in his lap. He wasn’t sure about what was going on, but he wasn’t stupid: something was off.

“Is this a mating sign?” he lifted his non-existing eyebrows, starting to walk his fingers on the soft skin and yanked at your blanket, throwing it behind the couch.

You pressed your abdomen with both hands in a hurry, not expecting that action from his part.

“Can you give that back, please?!” you pleaded. 

He looked at your tummy in silence, then uttered:

“Madam President, is that a baby bump?”

How could you have denied it? You were two months pregnant when you left for Madrid and had no idea yet, plus the two months and a half spent over there…It showed.

“Yes,” you sniffled and cuddled against the pillows, a bit anxious.

“Am I the father?” the interrogation went on.

“No.”

“Are you sure?” The Joker suspiciously smacked his lips.

“Yes.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“No.”

“Then who’s the father?”

“It’s none of your business!” you cut him off and then turned your attention towards the TV, watching the random movie that you couldn’t hear over your ears ringing.

J saw the tears you struggled to keep in and the frustration, deciding to drop it.

“What are we watching?” he grabbed the remote, scrolling down the channels.

You just lifted your shoulders up and refused to talk. J kept your long legs in his lap for hours until you fell asleep. Before he left, The Joker touched your tummy and grumbled, careful not to wake you up:

“Behave! You’re making your mom sick.”

***************

It was such a difficult pregnancy followed by an excruciating delivery; you were miserable the whole time, some days you couldn’t even muster the energy to go to your office on the 27th floor so you just worked from home while bedridden. Thankfully, you had trustworthy people helping and it made the process easier. You avoided J as much as possible, which wasn’t hard since he didn’t show up at Davros for meetings or transactions anymore. He certainly had his girlfriends to have fun with, plus your priorities changed also.

After your water broke, you were in labor for almost 24 hours. It was a very complicated birth and the doctors had to perform an emergency C-section in order to save the baby.

Emma brightened your existence at 2:03am on a Saturday, but the medical team had to give you bad news: at the preliminary examination, it was determined that your daughter was born blind.

The announcement was a serious blow to your mental state: the tiny miracle in your arms didn’t deserve such faith and you couldn’t stop crying, blaming yourself for what happened to her.

They kept you at the private hospital for eight days until you were given the ok to return home. The new mother was tired, depressed and heartbroken, even if the numerous specialists that further evaluated your daughter’s eyesight said that a few options might be possible once she was older: eye surgeries and even corneal transplant. No guarantees anything would work, of course.

The Joker showed up at your Penthouse one month after Emma’s birth. He convinced the security team not to announce his arrival and had to pull a lot of strings, but he was able to get in your suit, trying to guess where the baby’s bedroom was among the 14 rooms. J found it upstairs, right by the master bedroom.

You were pacing around, talking to the little one:

“This is mommy. Can you feel me?” you touched your cheeks with the small hands, smiling at her. Emma fussed and you covered her in kisses, seconds later bursting into tears. “Mommy’s so sorry…” you gently rocked her, hoping she would fall asleep. “I don’t know what I did wrong…I’m so sorry sweetheart,” and you wiped your tears when you heard the knock on the cracked door.

“Can I come in?”

You stared at The Joker, surprised to see him there. He placed the huge bouquet of flowers on the recliner you often slept in and waited.

“With all due respect Madam President, I must say you look like crap,” he kept a straight face while pronouncing the words. You didn’t react in any way and he found it imperative to converse more:

“I came to offer my congratulations,” J pointed towards your daughter and you mumbled a faint thank you. “Can I look at her?” he approached and you didn’t stop him. “Is it true that our baby is blind?” he nonchalantly brought it up, hovering over the little Princess you were holding.

“Y-yes,” you admitted to both questions, sobbing even if you tried to control your composure.

It’s just been so hard and him being there didn’t help.

“That sucks,” The Joker puckered his lips and hinted: “You know it’s not your fault, right? She’s healthy otherwise?”

You nodded a yes, blowing your nose in a tissue and J sighted:

“It’s not the end of the world, Madam President. Can I hold her?”

You hesitated, but gave in and handed Emma over to The Joker. She yawned and he could see her eyes couldn’t focus; they were a very light, unnatural blue shade.

“All these cute things I bought for her and she can’t see them,” you remorsefully sniffled and didn’t understand why he gestured for you to sit down on the pink couch. You complied though and J turned off the light, slowly finding his way towards an upset Y/N.

“Shit it’s dark!” he complained and you worried he’ll stumble and drop the baby.

“What are you doing?!” you asked and extended your arms until you felt him and guided him to sit beside you.

“There, this way we can see what she sees, which is apparently …nothing.”

He wondered what you were thinking about but the mystery solved itself when your head rested on his shoulder and softly said:

“It’s not that dark once you get used to it…”

******************

“You know this is mommy, yeah?” you snickered and tickled the seven months old Emma, touching her nose with yours. She babbled and cooed, recognizing her mother’s voice. She was crawling around in the padded bedroom, especially set up for her because you didn’t want your daughter to hurt herself.

“Such a good girl,” you praised and let her feel your face and then kissed the little fingers. 

“Com’ere, Pumpkin!” The Joker clapped and his little girl excitedly screamed: another voice she recognized and crawled towards the source of the noise, almost losing her balance. The Joker waited for her to reach his feet and then lifted her up, tossing her in the air and she giggled each time he caught her. It always made you so content to see her happy. And it made you happier when J showed interest towards his daughter.

“OK, daddy’s tired,” J huffed after a few rounds, placing Emma back on the padded floor and giving her the binky. “Pfew, she’s getting heavy,” he over exaggerated and collapsed next to her. Emma started rattling toys she couldn’t see, thrilled about the noise nevertheless and tried to climb over him without success.

You were organizing some books on the shelves, a ton of bedtime stories in Braille alphabet and how to read Braille, lots of things you collected and learned in order to be able to help your baby in the future. You finished and turned around to see what Emma was doing: she was snuggling with J’s purple coat and he was watching her, puzzled.

“I don’t know why she likes it so much; she can’t even see the vibrant color,” he taunted and attempted to pull it away from her. She whimpered and you had to explain:

“Emma likes it because it smells like you; that’s she recognizes us: by our voices, scent and the shape of our faces.”

You were ready to protest him taking the coat from her, but he cuddled with Emma, squeezing her chubby cheeks:

“The real thing is better, hm? You don’t need the coat.”

*****************

1pm today

“Mommy is as tall as The Eiffel Tower,” J addresses his sleepy daughter, ranting about random stuff like he always is.  

“Fafel?” the innocent reproduction of the French landmark makes him laugh like a maniac; the two year old is entertaining as hell.

“Precisely!” he kisses Emma’s forehead as a reward and tucks her and the teddy bear under the sparkly comforter for the afternoon nap. “Mommy is the President of Davros in Gotham, which is a very cool job and daddy is a King, also a remarkable occupation,” The Joker boasts even if the little girl has no clue about what he’s rambling.

“Da’yy, whe’s mommy?” she pouts because your daughter didn’t hear you in a while.

“Mommy’s at work right below us. After you wake up we’ll go see her, alright?”

“U-hum,” she squeezes her fluffy toy closer and The Joker waits until she is completely out before calling over the nanny so he can visit you on the 27th floor.

He barely made himself comfortable on the couch when the secretary announced:

“Mister Jonathan Crane is here for his inauguration.”

“Tell him to come in,” you get up and prepared the gold pin to give to the new Davros member.

“Madam President, can I participate in this solemn moment?” the devilish silver smile makes you doubtful on the request. “I promise I’ll behave.”

“It’s better if you don’t,” a sour Y/N replies, but it is too late: Scarecrow enters the office and J attends the short ceremony. Actually was quiet for once and behaved.

Until Jonathan left, of course.

****************

Since The Joker invited you over to his Penthouse to watch the meteor shower, you plan to spend the night there with Emma. After dinner, you got out on the terrace, read a few stories to her and she dozed off in her dad’s arms. The swing is holding the three of you while you and J wait for the celestial show to begin.

“How I wish she could see this,” you stroke her long hair. “Can you imagine how stunned she would be?” you brush your lips against the toddler’s closed eyelids.

“Maybe one day she will,” he growls and elbows you. “Hey, do you know I had to cancel an orgy so you two can come over?”

“Wow, you never cease to amaze me. You’re just so selfless,” the lack of enthusiasm in your voice prompts more nonsense:

“Indeed. I think I deserve some kind of compensation,” The Joker lustfully stares at your long legs. 

“Oh, I think it’s starting!” you squeal, interrupting his enthusiasm. “I’ll turn off the lights in the living room,” the hyper Y/N strolls inside and swiftly returns to her spot on the swing.

“It’s pretty dark out here,” J frowns because he got ignored and you kiss his neck, smiling:

“It’s not that dark once you get used to it…”

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

AO3 account - same blog name: DiYunho

[backwardmaptravels]

How to Budget for a Trip

So you’re planning a trip. How exciting! How adventurous! How...expensive. It’s no secret that traveling is an expensive hobby. For many of us budgeting a trip can turn into a very laborious process. With transport, accommodations, food, insurance, excursions the long list of expenses never seem to end and to a new traveler seem over whelming (I know it did to me when I started out). Some friends of mine came to me recently and asked how I budget for my trips along with how I plan what to see. They told me that they wanted to travel abroad, but had no concept of how to even start. Eager to help someone fuel their love for travel this is what I told them:

First thing we need to do when you start planning out your trip is go to the store. That’s right, you’ll need to buy something before you start planning your dream vacation. In order to start budgeting you are going to need an empty lined notebook just like mine in the picture above (Thanks, Paige :P). This notebook is going to act as your “travel bible” in a sense. This is where you are going to put any and all notes about your trip.

“Okay, so I have a blank notebook. Now what?” Now we start filling it! Assuming you already picked a destination, next you are going to pick where in that destination you want to go. For example, I am currently planning a trip to Japan and within Japan I plan on going to four cities: Tokyo, Kyoto, Nara, and Osaka. 

After you decide your locations we take it a step farther and look at what you want to do within these locations. This is where some research is going to be required, but don’t let that scare you off (this is also the fun part). Choose activities that interest you. Don’t worry about the location or type of excursion at this point, we’ll worry about that later, right now just choose things that you like: landmarks you want to visit, museums to walk through, classes you want to take find things and write them down in your book. Along with the name of the activity write down an estimation of the cost or admission price.

Once you have your wish list written down for your first location start grouping activities together by proximity to each other. I usually accomplish this with a bit of help from TripAdvisor (to see how I use tripadvisor.com to plan my trips click here). If you don’t use TripAdvisor you can also plot out your must-see list on My Google Maps or the trusty old paper map. When you do this you can see sights that are close to each other and then scheduled them on the same day. This will keep you from transferring to different areas in the same day. By mapping out items that are close to each other not only are you allowing yourself to have better time management, but saving on the cost of transport.

After you have grouped the items on your wish list together you can get a pretty good idea of how long your trip will need to be in order to see it all. Try not to schedule more than two areas in a single day, more than this will tend to leave you running form one sight to another. When in doubt remember that “less is more”. You might not be able to fit in everything you want in a trip but think of it as an excuse for you to come back again.

Alright now you know what you want to see and how long you’re going to be there time so settle on your accommodations. You’re goal is going to be to find a place: within your price range, centrally located to the areas you want to see, and near public transport (i.e. bus station or subway). If you are traveling to multiple cities within a country then you will need to find a place in each location which you plan on staying overnight. You can choose budget accommodations for every night however I enjoy having at least one night where I have my own room to kinda “refresh” my body. So don’t be afraid to splurge at least once.

Okay, now we had an idea on how much our accommodations and our excursions will be next we’ll need to look at the food. I usually achieve this by getting an idea on how much basic meals are in the area. For example in Iceland a simple soup based meal can cost 1,950 ISK ($18.50 USD), but in Japan a filling ramen meal will cost around 900 JPY ($8.00 USD). It is important to research the typical cost for a meal and budget accordingly. Take into account how much a single day worth of meals will cost you and times that by how many days you will be visiting to give yourself a rough estimate on food expenses.  Finally we can look at the cost daunting part of the budget the cost of transport to and within your destination. Now when it comes to traveling internationally knowing the optimal booking window is important. The booking window is the time when the tickets for your location are usually lower. If you book to soon or too late you can rack up the cost of a plane ticket quickly. For a good reference on the best time window for booking flights check out this article from cheapair.com here. The time of year can also effect prices such as national holidays and peak tourist seasons. Going during a shoulder season is just another easy way to lower the price of the flight.

While in your location various modes of transport are usually available: buses, subways, trains, and taxis for example. If you are going to be in an area for only a few days you can usually buy a 24, 48, or 72-hour public transport pass. A quick search on Google is usually all it takes to find this option. If you are planning on long distance transports via train see if you can get a rail pass of some sort. Japan for instance offers a JPR (Japan Rail Pass) that allows unlimited transfers for a set number of days. Just ensure that buying the pass will actually save you money.

And there you go! A budget plan for you to follow when booking your first or hundredth international vacation. I hope this helps anyone overwhelmed with the prospect of planning a trip and as always HAPPY TRAVELS!

[gamebazu]

Come One, Come All! The MozCon Virtual 2021 Day One Recap

Our favorite time of the year is here! The second ever MozCon Virtual kicked off yesterday with attendees from over 35 countries. There were networking rooms, photo booth pics, and live tweets. It almost felt like we were back together in one place (just minus the donuts).

Lack of donuts aside, everyone was super excited to be back at MozCon for another action-packed conference. Day one’s speakers brought their A-game and really got people thinking.

Already had several 🤯 moments at #MozCon and it’s only Day 1! Can’t wait for tomorrow. Cheers!

— Kavi Kardos (@therarevos) July 12, 2021

For those of you who may have missed it, or those of you who had a hard time keeping up with this three ring circus, here's a quick recap!

Sarah Bird — Welcome to MozCon

Moz's fearless leader started MozCon Virtual off with a bang! She introduced Moz Group, a result of the merger with J2. Then, she announced two product releases — one in alpha and one in beta! Both will be further explained by Mozzers later in the week.

A big announcement during the opening session at #MozCon today: "The Moz Group" is now a collection of brands and technologies for digital marketers: pic.twitter.com/F62glc6b89

— Rob Ousbey (@RobOusbey) July 12, 2021

Sarah’s introduction concluded with a moving tribute to Russ Jones. You can share your own memories with Russ or donate to his family at RememberingRussJones.com. 

Shannon McGuirk — Lessons in Surviving the Covid News Agenda & What it Means for the Future of Digital PR

As always, Shannon started out strong with some radical transparency. She walked us through Aira’s journey through COVID and how it changed everything. 

I have so much love for @ShannonMcGuirk_'s raw honesty #MozCon 💙 pic.twitter.com/lxo08YJS4K

— Areej AbuAli (@areej_abuali) July 12, 2021

In past MozCon presentations, Shannon has shown us the outreach strategies that Aira has depended on for several years, but 2020 threw everyone for a loop. In the first two weeks of lockdown, Aira lost 50% of their revenue. Something had to change.

Actually, everything had to change.

We got insight into Aira’s three-prong, PR future-proofing system that developed as a result:

Ideation: using the ROR framework of relevancy, opinion, resolution

Production: create proven frameworks that can be customized for your client

Promotion: through accessing, communicating, and having perspective

Shannon gave us the nitty gritty of how this system works for Aira, complete with actual photos of their best-performing, always-ready frameworks. Honestly, it felt like we were seeing something confidential, but we were here for it.

Um, I think @ShannonMcGuirk_ is sharing some *serious* @Ariadigital secrets here... They have templates for production that are wireframed and customizable. They run TONS of campaigns off of THREE main templates.#MozConpic.twitter.com/6PcZ3lIlee

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Flavilla Fongang — The Science of Purchasing Behavior: How to Use it Effectively to Attract & Convert More Prospects Into Customers

Flavilla was ready to prescribe some tactical medicine to those looking to increase their conversion rate. She jumped right in with explaining how our brains function. Ya know, limbic system, neocortex, and reptilian brain? Don’t worry, we didn’t either!

She broke them down as the emotional brain (limbic), rational (neocortex), and fight or flight (reptilian). Then Flavilla asked the big question: which brain has the most impact on buying decisions? The answer (which shocked most) was the reptilian brain.

Flavilla took us through six ways the reptilian brain can be stimulated.

Killer slide from @FlavillaFongang#mozconpic.twitter.com/6N5OC5jlOz

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

But it wouldn’t be a MozCon presentation without something that can be put into action today. Flavilla dropped all sorts of tactics to test: putting the CTA closer to the consumer’s picture, using the power of the gaze, tapping into negative emotion, showing contrast (think before and after), and putting the most important information first.

We could have listened to Flavilla talk all day long. Hearing her take on buyer behavior was a bit like looking into a glass ball and getting answers to all of our questions. We can’t wait to put it into action!

Dr. Pete Meyers — Rule Your Rivals: From Data to Action

Always a crowd pleaser, Dr. Pete showed off a new Moz tool currently in Beta: True Competitor. True Competitor is a project Moz has been working on for the last few years, and this year it’s finally ready to take the stage! (You can request early access to True Competitor here.)

Dr. Pete used the new tool to remind us that those we assume to be our competitors sometimes aren’t actually our competition at all. Instead of focusing on who we think we’re losing traffic to, we need to be focused on who is preventing us from making money.

There's a big difference between who you "think" your competition is and who you compete with in the SERPs. #MozCon

— Jason Dodge (@dodgejd) July 12, 2021

Using the new True Competitor tool, and a few cool search modifiers, Dr. Pete was able to find some opportunity keywords to test out.

The process looked a bit like this:

Use True Competitor to identify potential keywords

Use search modifiers to find the ranking pages for the competition

Find Moz’s current ranking content

Create content using the similar keywords

Link to the most updated and relevant content

Get Keywords, competitor pages, and my best piece of content to compete with: @dr_pete#mozconpic.twitter.com/VFk5beIbvI

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

We knew that Dr. Pete would bring the heat, but it’s safe to say he outdid himself this year. 

Great talk by @dr_pete from the #mozcon. Take aways: Don't make assumptions about your competitors Do not make a massive novel - come up with a plan including what is missing from your site content issues. Track what works/what doesn't and amend accordingly. @Mozpic.twitter.com/pnUWqeL2vX

— J Turnbull (@SEOJoBlogs) July 12, 2021

Noah Learner — Game-Changing Ways to Use the Google Search Console API

This first-time MozCon speaker came ready to play! Right away, Noah gave us some perspective on the actual limitations of Google Search Console. As most of us know, Search Console only gives you access to 1,000 rows. Well, Noah knew that there was a lot more data to be seen and started dabbling with the API.

Apparently this led to a 15-hour journey down the GSC rabbit hole, as Noah started working on creating a custom Google Search Console tool using Big Query and Google Data Studio. This tool, Explorer for Search, has already gotten some buzz from those in the industry.

If you haven't seen Search Explorer from @noahlearner and Two Octobers you're missing out. Native GSC is abysmal in comparison. #MozCon

— Taylor Murchison (@TaylorMurchison) July 12, 2021

Honestly, if you look at the Twitter feed for #MozCon, there aren’t a ton of tweets because nobody could keep up with him! Noah moved rapidly through exactly how he built Explorer for Search with his team, and how they’re using it.

Loving this striking distance report @noahlearner is showing off #Mozconpic.twitter.com/VgUa1CeAcC

— Jordan Choo (@JordanChoo) July 12, 2021

Almost instantly, Noah and his team found over $300,000 of keywords that weren’t available in Search Console. They did this through building in position sorting, top of funnel/ bottom of funnel sorting, branded vs. non branded filters, and more.

We cannot wait to play with this and get started with the Search Console API!

Dana DiTomaso — Build for Search: Modern Web Dev That Puts SEO First

A long time MozCon favorite, Dana DiTomaso put on her coach’s hat for this year’s session. Far too often, we find ourselves in awkward situations that require us to scrap all of our work and start over again.

“Developers [also] come in way too late […] and come in and say, “oh, I can’t do that” […] or “this isn’t going to work on mobile,” and now you have to start the design all over again. @danaditomaso#MozCon

— Melina Beeston (@mkbeesto) July 12, 2021

Dana ran into this way too many times, so she and her team came up with a better solution. She was ready to make us, and our web dev processes, agile(ish).

She showed us her team's entire process from presenting keyword research (IN A PIE CHART?!), to using GatherContent to create a website blueprint for clients, all the way to wireframe creation and presentation.

SEO projects shouldn't be done in silos. SEO, UX, Design, Dev, & Content teams should all be involved early and often(as needed). The Agile project management method is a great framework that makes this easy to do. Insights from @danaditomaso 's talk #mozconpic.twitter.com/Fl5B8ncSG0

— Ọla King (@justolaking) July 12, 2021

At each step, anyone can jump in and see what is going on and add to the conversation or process. It’s far less linear and allows for more collaboration.

Jackie Chu — Internationalization Errors: How to Go Global Without Losing All of Your Traffic

With a track record like Jackie’s, it’s hard to imagine not blowing minds. Jackie started by explaining one of the most complex SEO concepts: Hreflang. This explanation led to a few tactical suggestions right off of the bat:

Define target language and country

Self-canonicalize all URLs

Use consistent URL patterns

Honestly, there were so many takeaways from this presentation that they were hard to keep track of. Imagine, all of that information on Hreflang alone was in the first 17 slides… and this presentation was 60 slides long!

Great tip by @jackiecchu about using extra signals beyond hreflang to show Google which version of your site is targeted to which international audience, such as linking to that country's respective social profiles, or editing the NAP to reflect that country's info.#mozconpic.twitter.com/2T24euwRyZ

— Lily Ray 😏 (@lilyraynyc) July 12, 2021

You’ll definitely want to revisit this presentation in the video bundle, available Friday, to glean all insights possible! 

Cyrus Shepard — Mastering 3 Click + Engagement Signals for Higher Rankings/Traffic

Cyrus, a long-time MozCon emcee, takes the stage himself this year to discuss how Google may — or may not — use user engagement signals as an input in ranking websites.

Cyrus started by explaining how 20 years of Google patents describe three different types of click signals they could measure: first clicks, long clicks, and last clicks. He then walked through a multitude of small-scale SEO experiments that attempted to influence these click signals to see if he could influence rankings.

Some of the experiments included:

Optimizing Meta Descriptions in non-traditional ways

Removing Title Tag "Boilerplate"

Improving the visibility of "Related Articles"

Adding FAQs

Don't do it. For the love of God. Don't do it.#MozCon@CyrusShepardpic.twitter.com/hWxCxLlpju

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Finally, Cyrus shared some case studies including the migration of the Moz Q&A — which involved over 100,000 URLs — and how they improved user engagement.

What a great URL path migration process and conduction from @Moz's SEO team! Moving the Q&A section with some important checklist is something, but also, when it comes to user-generated content, it's hard to change. So @CyrusShepard came with over 16% success after that. #MozConpic.twitter.com/bIHk8uVHA6

— Roman Adamita (@AdamitaRoman) July 12, 2021

At the end, Cyrus emphasized that SEO is not about manipulating numbers, but that "User satisfaction is ranking factor #1." After watching this presentation, you'll definitely walk away with several ideas for engaging your visitor.

[noithatotoaz]

Come One, Come All! The MozCon Virtual 2021 Day One Recap

Our favorite time of the year is here! The second ever MozCon Virtual kicked off yesterday with attendees from over 35 countries. There were networking rooms, photo booth pics, and live tweets. It almost felt like we were back together in one place (just minus the donuts).

Lack of donuts aside, everyone was super excited to be back at MozCon for another action-packed conference. Day one’s speakers brought their A-game and really got people thinking.

Already had several 🤯 moments at #MozCon and it’s only Day 1! Can’t wait for tomorrow. Cheers!

— Kavi Kardos (@therarevos) July 12, 2021

For those of you who may have missed it, or those of you who had a hard time keeping up with this three ring circus, here's a quick recap!

Sarah Bird — Welcome to MozCon

Moz's fearless leader started MozCon Virtual off with a bang! She introduced Moz Group, a result of the merger with J2. Then, she announced two product releases — one in alpha and one in beta! Both will be further explained by Mozzers later in the week.

A big announcement during the opening session at #MozCon today: "The Moz Group" is now a collection of brands and technologies for digital marketers: pic.twitter.com/F62glc6b89

— Rob Ousbey (@RobOusbey) July 12, 2021

Sarah’s introduction concluded with a moving tribute to Russ Jones. You can share your own memories with Russ or donate to his family at RememberingRussJones.com. 

Shannon McGuirk — Lessons in Surviving the Covid News Agenda & What it Means for the Future of Digital PR

As always, Shannon started out strong with some radical transparency. She walked us through Aira’s journey through COVID and how it changed everything. 

I have so much love for @ShannonMcGuirk_'s raw honesty #MozCon 💙 pic.twitter.com/lxo08YJS4K

— Areej AbuAli (@areej_abuali) July 12, 2021

In past MozCon presentations, Shannon has shown us the outreach strategies that Aira has depended on for several years, but 2020 threw everyone for a loop. In the first two weeks of lockdown, Aira lost 50% of their revenue. Something had to change.

Actually, everything had to change.

We got insight into Aira’s three-prong, PR future-proofing system that developed as a result:

Ideation: using the ROR framework of relevancy, opinion, resolution

Production: create proven frameworks that can be customized for your client

Promotion: through accessing, communicating, and having perspective

Shannon gave us the nitty gritty of how this system works for Aira, complete with actual photos of their best-performing, always-ready frameworks. Honestly, it felt like we were seeing something confidential, but we were here for it.

Um, I think @ShannonMcGuirk_ is sharing some *serious* @Ariadigital secrets here... They have templates for production that are wireframed and customizable. They run TONS of campaigns off of THREE main templates.#MozConpic.twitter.com/6PcZ3lIlee

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Flavilla Fongang — The Science of Purchasing Behavior: How to Use it Effectively to Attract & Convert More Prospects Into Customers

Flavilla was ready to prescribe some tactical medicine to those looking to increase their conversion rate. She jumped right in with explaining how our brains function. Ya know, limbic system, neocortex, and reptilian brain? Don’t worry, we didn’t either!

She broke them down as the emotional brain (limbic), rational (neocortex), and fight or flight (reptilian). Then Flavilla asked the big question: which brain has the most impact on buying decisions? The answer (which shocked most) was the reptilian brain.

Flavilla took us through six ways the reptilian brain can be stimulated.

Killer slide from @FlavillaFongang#mozconpic.twitter.com/6N5OC5jlOz

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

But it wouldn’t be a MozCon presentation without something that can be put into action today. Flavilla dropped all sorts of tactics to test: putting the CTA closer to the consumer’s picture, using the power of the gaze, tapping into negative emotion, showing contrast (think before and after), and putting the most important information first.

We could have listened to Flavilla talk all day long. Hearing her take on buyer behavior was a bit like looking into a glass ball and getting answers to all of our questions. We can’t wait to put it into action!

Dr. Pete Meyers — Rule Your Rivals: From Data to Action

Always a crowd pleaser, Dr. Pete showed off a new Moz tool currently in Beta: True Competitor. True Competitor is a project Moz has been working on for the last few years, and this year it’s finally ready to take the stage! (You can request early access to True Competitor here.)

Dr. Pete used the new tool to remind us that those we assume to be our competitors sometimes aren’t actually our competition at all. Instead of focusing on who we think we’re losing traffic to, we need to be focused on who is preventing us from making money.

There's a big difference between who you "think" your competition is and who you compete with in the SERPs. #MozCon

— Jason Dodge (@dodgejd) July 12, 2021

Using the new True Competitor tool, and a few cool search modifiers, Dr. Pete was able to find some opportunity keywords to test out.

The process looked a bit like this:

Use True Competitor to identify potential keywords

Use search modifiers to find the ranking pages for the competition

Find Moz’s current ranking content

Create content using the similar keywords

Link to the most updated and relevant content

Get Keywords, competitor pages, and my best piece of content to compete with: @dr_pete#mozconpic.twitter.com/VFk5beIbvI

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

We knew that Dr. Pete would bring the heat, but it’s safe to say he outdid himself this year. 

Great talk by @dr_pete from the #mozcon. Take aways: Don't make assumptions about your competitors Do not make a massive novel - come up with a plan including what is missing from your site content issues. Track what works/what doesn't and amend accordingly. @Mozpic.twitter.com/pnUWqeL2vX

— J Turnbull (@SEOJoBlogs) July 12, 2021

Noah Learner — Game-Changing Ways to Use the Google Search Console API

This first-time MozCon speaker came ready to play! Right away, Noah gave us some perspective on the actual limitations of Google Search Console. As most of us know, Search Console only gives you access to 1,000 rows. Well, Noah knew that there was a lot more data to be seen and started dabbling with the API.

Apparently this led to a 15-hour journey down the GSC rabbit hole, as Noah started working on creating a custom Google Search Console tool using Big Query and Google Data Studio. This tool, Explorer for Search, has already gotten some buzz from those in the industry.

If you haven't seen Search Explorer from @noahlearner and Two Octobers you're missing out. Native GSC is abysmal in comparison. #MozCon

— Taylor Murchison (@TaylorMurchison) July 12, 2021

Honestly, if you look at the Twitter feed for #MozCon, there aren’t a ton of tweets because nobody could keep up with him! Noah moved rapidly through exactly how he built Explorer for Search with his team, and how they’re using it.

Loving this striking distance report @noahlearner is showing off #Mozconpic.twitter.com/VgUa1CeAcC

— Jordan Choo (@JordanChoo) July 12, 2021

Almost instantly, Noah and his team found over $300,000 of keywords that weren’t available in Search Console. They did this through building in position sorting, top of funnel/ bottom of funnel sorting, branded vs. non branded filters, and more.

We cannot wait to play with this and get started with the Search Console API!

Dana DiTomaso — Build for Search: Modern Web Dev That Puts SEO First

A long time MozCon favorite, Dana DiTomaso put on her coach’s hat for this year’s session. Far too often, we find ourselves in awkward situations that require us to scrap all of our work and start over again.

“Developers [also] come in way too late […] and come in and say, “oh, I can’t do that” […] or “this isn’t going to work on mobile,” and now you have to start the design all over again. @danaditomaso#MozCon

— Melina Beeston (@mkbeesto) July 12, 2021

Dana ran into this way too many times, so she and her team came up with a better solution. She was ready to make us, and our web dev processes, agile(ish).

She showed us her team's entire process from presenting keyword research (IN A PIE CHART?!), to using GatherContent to create a website blueprint for clients, all the way to wireframe creation and presentation.

SEO projects shouldn't be done in silos. SEO, UX, Design, Dev, & Content teams should all be involved early and often(as needed). The Agile project management method is a great framework that makes this easy to do. Insights from @danaditomaso 's talk #mozconpic.twitter.com/Fl5B8ncSG0

— Ọla King (@justolaking) July 12, 2021

At each step, anyone can jump in and see what is going on and add to the conversation or process. It’s far less linear and allows for more collaboration.

Jackie Chu — Internationalization Errors: How to Go Global Without Losing All of Your Traffic

With a track record like Jackie’s, it’s hard to imagine not blowing minds. Jackie started by explaining one of the most complex SEO concepts: Hreflang. This explanation led to a few tactical suggestions right off of the bat:

Define target language and country

Self-canonicalize all URLs

Use consistent URL patterns

Honestly, there were so many takeaways from this presentation that they were hard to keep track of. Imagine, all of that information on Hreflang alone was in the first 17 slides… and this presentation was 60 slides long!

Great tip by @jackiecchu about using extra signals beyond hreflang to show Google which version of your site is targeted to which international audience, such as linking to that country's respective social profiles, or editing the NAP to reflect that country's info.#mozconpic.twitter.com/2T24euwRyZ

— Lily Ray 😏 (@lilyraynyc) July 12, 2021

You’ll definitely want to revisit this presentation in the video bundle, available Friday, to glean all insights possible! 

Cyrus Shepard — Mastering 3 Click + Engagement Signals for Higher Rankings/Traffic

Cyrus, a long-time MozCon emcee, takes the stage himself this year to discuss how Google may — or may not — use user engagement signals as an input in ranking websites.

Cyrus started by explaining how 20 years of Google patents describe three different types of click signals they could measure: first clicks, long clicks, and last clicks. He then walked through a multitude of small-scale SEO experiments that attempted to influence these click signals to see if he could influence rankings.

Some of the experiments included:

Optimizing Meta Descriptions in non-traditional ways

Removing Title Tag "Boilerplate"

Improving the visibility of "Related Articles"

Adding FAQs

Don't do it. For the love of God. Don't do it.#MozCon@CyrusShepardpic.twitter.com/hWxCxLlpju

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Finally, Cyrus shared some case studies including the migration of the Moz Q&A — which involved over 100,000 URLs — and how they improved user engagement.

What a great URL path migration process and conduction from @Moz's SEO team! Moving the Q&A section with some important checklist is something, but also, when it comes to user-generated content, it's hard to change. So @CyrusShepard came with over 16% success after that. #MozConpic.twitter.com/bIHk8uVHA6

— Roman Adamita (@AdamitaRoman) July 12, 2021

At the end, Cyrus emphasized that SEO is not about manipulating numbers, but that "User satisfaction is ranking factor #1." After watching this presentation, you'll definitely walk away with several ideas for engaging your visitor.

[thanhtuandoan89]

Come One, Come All! The MozCon Virtual 2021 Day One Recap

Our favorite time of the year is here! The second ever MozCon Virtual kicked off yesterday with attendees from over 35 countries. There were networking rooms, photo booth pics, and live tweets. It almost felt like we were back together in one place (just minus the donuts).

Lack of donuts aside, everyone was super excited to be back at MozCon for another action-packed conference. Day one’s speakers brought their A-game and really got people thinking.

Already had several 🤯 moments at #MozCon and it’s only Day 1! Can’t wait for tomorrow. Cheers!

— Kavi Kardos (@therarevos) July 12, 2021

For those of you who may have missed it, or those of you who had a hard time keeping up with this three ring circus, here's a quick recap!

Sarah Bird — Welcome to MozCon

Moz's fearless leader started MozCon Virtual off with a bang! She introduced Moz Group, a result of the merger with J2. Then, she announced two product releases — one in alpha and one in beta! Both will be further explained by Mozzers later in the week.

A big announcement during the opening session at #MozCon today: "The Moz Group" is now a collection of brands and technologies for digital marketers: pic.twitter.com/F62glc6b89

— Rob Ousbey (@RobOusbey) July 12, 2021

Sarah’s introduction concluded with a moving tribute to Russ Jones. You can share your own memories with Russ or donate to his family at RememberingRussJones.com. 

Shannon McGuirk — Lessons in Surviving the Covid News Agenda & What it Means for the Future of Digital PR

As always, Shannon started out strong with some radical transparency. She walked us through Aira’s journey through COVID and how it changed everything. 

I have so much love for @ShannonMcGuirk_'s raw honesty #MozCon 💙 pic.twitter.com/lxo08YJS4K

— Areej AbuAli (@areej_abuali) July 12, 2021

In past MozCon presentations, Shannon has shown us the outreach strategies that Aira has depended on for several years, but 2020 threw everyone for a loop. In the first two weeks of lockdown, Aira lost 50% of their revenue. Something had to change.

Actually, everything had to change.

We got insight into Aira’s three-prong, PR future-proofing system that developed as a result:

Ideation: using the ROR framework of relevancy, opinion, resolution

Production: create proven frameworks that can be customized for your client

Promotion: through accessing, communicating, and having perspective

Shannon gave us the nitty gritty of how this system works for Aira, complete with actual photos of their best-performing, always-ready frameworks. Honestly, it felt like we were seeing something confidential, but we were here for it.

Um, I think @ShannonMcGuirk_ is sharing some *serious* @Ariadigital secrets here... They have templates for production that are wireframed and customizable. They run TONS of campaigns off of THREE main templates.#MozConpic.twitter.com/6PcZ3lIlee

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Flavilla Fongang — The Science of Purchasing Behavior: How to Use it Effectively to Attract & Convert More Prospects Into Customers

Flavilla was ready to prescribe some tactical medicine to those looking to increase their conversion rate. She jumped right in with explaining how our brains function. Ya know, limbic system, neocortex, and reptilian brain? Don’t worry, we didn’t either!

She broke them down as the emotional brain (limbic), rational (neocortex), and fight or flight (reptilian). Then Flavilla asked the big question: which brain has the most impact on buying decisions? The answer (which shocked most) was the reptilian brain.

Flavilla took us through six ways the reptilian brain can be stimulated.

Killer slide from @FlavillaFongang#mozconpic.twitter.com/6N5OC5jlOz

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

But it wouldn’t be a MozCon presentation without something that can be put into action today. Flavilla dropped all sorts of tactics to test: putting the CTA closer to the consumer’s picture, using the power of the gaze, tapping into negative emotion, showing contrast (think before and after), and putting the most important information first.

We could have listened to Flavilla talk all day long. Hearing her take on buyer behavior was a bit like looking into a glass ball and getting answers to all of our questions. We can’t wait to put it into action!

Dr. Pete Meyers — Rule Your Rivals: From Data to Action

Always a crowd pleaser, Dr. Pete showed off a new Moz tool currently in Beta: True Competitor. True Competitor is a project Moz has been working on for the last few years, and this year it’s finally ready to take the stage! (You can request early access to True Competitor here.)

Dr. Pete used the new tool to remind us that those we assume to be our competitors sometimes aren’t actually our competition at all. Instead of focusing on who we think we’re losing traffic to, we need to be focused on who is preventing us from making money.

There's a big difference between who you "think" your competition is and who you compete with in the SERPs. #MozCon

— Jason Dodge (@dodgejd) July 12, 2021

Using the new True Competitor tool, and a few cool search modifiers, Dr. Pete was able to find some opportunity keywords to test out.

The process looked a bit like this:

Use True Competitor to identify potential keywords

Use search modifiers to find the ranking pages for the competition

Find Moz’s current ranking content

Create content using the similar keywords

Link to the most updated and relevant content

Get Keywords, competitor pages, and my best piece of content to compete with: @dr_pete#mozconpic.twitter.com/VFk5beIbvI

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

We knew that Dr. Pete would bring the heat, but it’s safe to say he outdid himself this year. 

Great talk by @dr_pete from the #mozcon. Take aways: Don't make assumptions about your competitors Do not make a massive novel - come up with a plan including what is missing from your site content issues. Track what works/what doesn't and amend accordingly. @Mozpic.twitter.com/pnUWqeL2vX

— J Turnbull (@SEOJoBlogs) July 12, 2021

Noah Learner — Game-Changing Ways to Use the Google Search Console API

This first-time MozCon speaker came ready to play! Right away, Noah gave us some perspective on the actual limitations of Google Search Console. As most of us know, Search Console only gives you access to 1,000 rows. Well, Noah knew that there was a lot more data to be seen and started dabbling with the API.

Apparently this led to a 15-hour journey down the GSC rabbit hole, as Noah started working on creating a custom Google Search Console tool using Big Query and Google Data Studio. This tool, Explorer for Search, has already gotten some buzz from those in the industry.

If you haven't seen Search Explorer from @noahlearner and Two Octobers you're missing out. Native GSC is abysmal in comparison. #MozCon

— Taylor Murchison (@TaylorMurchison) July 12, 2021

Honestly, if you look at the Twitter feed for #MozCon, there aren’t a ton of tweets because nobody could keep up with him! Noah moved rapidly through exactly how he built Explorer for Search with his team, and how they’re using it.

Loving this striking distance report @noahlearner is showing off #Mozconpic.twitter.com/VgUa1CeAcC

— Jordan Choo (@JordanChoo) July 12, 2021

Almost instantly, Noah and his team found over $300,000 of keywords that weren’t available in Search Console. They did this through building in position sorting, top of funnel/ bottom of funnel sorting, branded vs. non branded filters, and more.

We cannot wait to play with this and get started with the Search Console API!

Dana DiTomaso — Build for Search: Modern Web Dev That Puts SEO First

A long time MozCon favorite, Dana DiTomaso put on her coach’s hat for this year’s session. Far too often, we find ourselves in awkward situations that require us to scrap all of our work and start over again.

“Developers [also] come in way too late […] and come in and say, “oh, I can’t do that” […] or “this isn’t going to work on mobile,” and now you have to start the design all over again. @danaditomaso#MozCon

— Melina Beeston (@mkbeesto) July 12, 2021

Dana ran into this way too many times, so she and her team came up with a better solution. She was ready to make us, and our web dev processes, agile(ish).

She showed us her team's entire process from presenting keyword research (IN A PIE CHART?!), to using GatherContent to create a website blueprint for clients, all the way to wireframe creation and presentation.

SEO projects shouldn't be done in silos. SEO, UX, Design, Dev, & Content teams should all be involved early and often(as needed). The Agile project management method is a great framework that makes this easy to do. Insights from @danaditomaso 's talk #mozconpic.twitter.com/Fl5B8ncSG0

— Ọla King (@justolaking) July 12, 2021

At each step, anyone can jump in and see what is going on and add to the conversation or process. It’s far less linear and allows for more collaboration.

Jackie Chu — Internationalization Errors: How to Go Global Without Losing All of Your Traffic

With a track record like Jackie’s, it’s hard to imagine not blowing minds. Jackie started by explaining one of the most complex SEO concepts: Hreflang. This explanation led to a few tactical suggestions right off of the bat:

Define target language and country

Self-canonicalize all URLs

Use consistent URL patterns

Honestly, there were so many takeaways from this presentation that they were hard to keep track of. Imagine, all of that information on Hreflang alone was in the first 17 slides… and this presentation was 60 slides long!

Great tip by @jackiecchu about using extra signals beyond hreflang to show Google which version of your site is targeted to which international audience, such as linking to that country's respective social profiles, or editing the NAP to reflect that country's info.#mozconpic.twitter.com/2T24euwRyZ

— Lily Ray 😏 (@lilyraynyc) July 12, 2021

You’ll definitely want to revisit this presentation in the video bundle, available Friday, to glean all insights possible! 

Cyrus Shepard — Mastering 3 Click + Engagement Signals for Higher Rankings/Traffic

Cyrus, a long-time MozCon emcee, takes the stage himself this year to discuss how Google may — or may not — use user engagement signals as an input in ranking websites.

Cyrus started by explaining how 20 years of Google patents describe three different types of click signals they could measure: first clicks, long clicks, and last clicks. He then walked through a multitude of small-scale SEO experiments that attempted to influence these click signals to see if he could influence rankings.

Some of the experiments included:

Optimizing Meta Descriptions in non-traditional ways

Removing Title Tag "Boilerplate"

Improving the visibility of "Related Articles"

Adding FAQs

Don't do it. For the love of God. Don't do it.#MozCon@CyrusShepardpic.twitter.com/hWxCxLlpju

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Finally, Cyrus shared some case studies including the migration of the Moz Q&A — which involved over 100,000 URLs — and how they improved user engagement.

What a great URL path migration process and conduction from @Moz's SEO team! Moving the Q&A section with some important checklist is something, but also, when it comes to user-generated content, it's hard to change. So @CyrusShepard came with over 16% success after that. #MozConpic.twitter.com/bIHk8uVHA6

— Roman Adamita (@AdamitaRoman) July 12, 2021

At the end, Cyrus emphasized that SEO is not about manipulating numbers, but that "User satisfaction is ranking factor #1." After watching this presentation, you'll definitely walk away with several ideas for engaging your visitor.

[lakelandseo]

Come One, Come All! The MozCon Virtual 2021 Day One Recap

Our favorite time of the year is here! The second ever MozCon Virtual kicked off yesterday with attendees from over 35 countries. There were networking rooms, photo booth pics, and live tweets. It almost felt like we were back together in one place (just minus the donuts).

Lack of donuts aside, everyone was super excited to be back at MozCon for another action-packed conference. Day one’s speakers brought their A-game and really got people thinking.

Already had several 🤯 moments at #MozCon and it’s only Day 1! Can’t wait for tomorrow. Cheers!

— Kavi Kardos (@therarevos) July 12, 2021

For those of you who may have missed it, or those of you who had a hard time keeping up with this three ring circus, here's a quick recap!

Sarah Bird — Welcome to MozCon

Moz's fearless leader started MozCon Virtual off with a bang! She introduced Moz Group, a result of the merger with J2. Then, she announced two product releases — one in alpha and one in beta! Both will be further explained by Mozzers later in the week.

A big announcement during the opening session at #MozCon today: "The Moz Group" is now a collection of brands and technologies for digital marketers: pic.twitter.com/F62glc6b89

— Rob Ousbey (@RobOusbey) July 12, 2021

Sarah’s introduction concluded with a moving tribute to Russ Jones. You can share your own memories with Russ or donate to his family at RememberingRussJones.com. 

Shannon McGuirk — Lessons in Surviving the Covid News Agenda & What it Means for the Future of Digital PR

As always, Shannon started out strong with some radical transparency. She walked us through Aira’s journey through COVID and how it changed everything. 

I have so much love for @ShannonMcGuirk_'s raw honesty #MozCon 💙 pic.twitter.com/lxo08YJS4K

— Areej AbuAli (@areej_abuali) July 12, 2021

In past MozCon presentations, Shannon has shown us the outreach strategies that Aira has depended on for several years, but 2020 threw everyone for a loop. In the first two weeks of lockdown, Aira lost 50% of their revenue. Something had to change.

Actually, everything had to change.

We got insight into Aira’s three-prong, PR future-proofing system that developed as a result:

Ideation: using the ROR framework of relevancy, opinion, resolution

Production: create proven frameworks that can be customized for your client

Promotion: through accessing, communicating, and having perspective

Shannon gave us the nitty gritty of how this system works for Aira, complete with actual photos of their best-performing, always-ready frameworks. Honestly, it felt like we were seeing something confidential, but we were here for it.

Um, I think @ShannonMcGuirk_ is sharing some *serious* @Ariadigital secrets here... They have templates for production that are wireframed and customizable. They run TONS of campaigns off of THREE main templates.#MozConpic.twitter.com/6PcZ3lIlee

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Flavilla Fongang — The Science of Purchasing Behavior: How to Use it Effectively to Attract & Convert More Prospects Into Customers

Flavilla was ready to prescribe some tactical medicine to those looking to increase their conversion rate. She jumped right in with explaining how our brains function. Ya know, limbic system, neocortex, and reptilian brain? Don’t worry, we didn’t either!

She broke them down as the emotional brain (limbic), rational (neocortex), and fight or flight (reptilian). Then Flavilla asked the big question: which brain has the most impact on buying decisions? The answer (which shocked most) was the reptilian brain.

Flavilla took us through six ways the reptilian brain can be stimulated.

Killer slide from @FlavillaFongang#mozconpic.twitter.com/6N5OC5jlOz

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

But it wouldn’t be a MozCon presentation without something that can be put into action today. Flavilla dropped all sorts of tactics to test: putting the CTA closer to the consumer’s picture, using the power of the gaze, tapping into negative emotion, showing contrast (think before and after), and putting the most important information first.

We could have listened to Flavilla talk all day long. Hearing her take on buyer behavior was a bit like looking into a glass ball and getting answers to all of our questions. We can’t wait to put it into action!

Dr. Pete Meyers — Rule Your Rivals: From Data to Action

Always a crowd pleaser, Dr. Pete showed off a new Moz tool currently in Beta: True Competitor. True Competitor is a project Moz has been working on for the last few years, and this year it’s finally ready to take the stage! (You can request early access to True Competitor here.)

Dr. Pete used the new tool to remind us that those we assume to be our competitors sometimes aren’t actually our competition at all. Instead of focusing on who we think we’re losing traffic to, we need to be focused on who is preventing us from making money.

There's a big difference between who you "think" your competition is and who you compete with in the SERPs. #MozCon

— Jason Dodge (@dodgejd) July 12, 2021

Using the new True Competitor tool, and a few cool search modifiers, Dr. Pete was able to find some opportunity keywords to test out.

The process looked a bit like this:

Use True Competitor to identify potential keywords

Use search modifiers to find the ranking pages for the competition

Find Moz’s current ranking content

Create content using the similar keywords

Link to the most updated and relevant content

Get Keywords, competitor pages, and my best piece of content to compete with: @dr_pete#mozconpic.twitter.com/VFk5beIbvI

— Noah Learner (He/Him) (@noahlearner) July 12, 2021

We knew that Dr. Pete would bring the heat, but it’s safe to say he outdid himself this year. 

Great talk by @dr_pete from the #mozcon. Take aways: Don't make assumptions about your competitors Do not make a massive novel - come up with a plan including what is missing from your site content issues. Track what works/what doesn't and amend accordingly. @Mozpic.twitter.com/pnUWqeL2vX

— J Turnbull (@SEOJoBlogs) July 12, 2021

Noah Learner — Game-Changing Ways to Use the Google Search Console API

This first-time MozCon speaker came ready to play! Right away, Noah gave us some perspective on the actual limitations of Google Search Console. As most of us know, Search Console only gives you access to 1,000 rows. Well, Noah knew that there was a lot more data to be seen and started dabbling with the API.

Apparently this led to a 15-hour journey down the GSC rabbit hole, as Noah started working on creating a custom Google Search Console tool using Big Query and Google Data Studio. This tool, Explorer for Search, has already gotten some buzz from those in the industry.

If you haven't seen Search Explorer from @noahlearner and Two Octobers you're missing out. Native GSC is abysmal in comparison. #MozCon

— Taylor Murchison (@TaylorMurchison) July 12, 2021

Honestly, if you look at the Twitter feed for #MozCon, there aren’t a ton of tweets because nobody could keep up with him! Noah moved rapidly through exactly how he built Explorer for Search with his team, and how they’re using it.

Loving this striking distance report @noahlearner is showing off #Mozconpic.twitter.com/VgUa1CeAcC

— Jordan Choo (@JordanChoo) July 12, 2021

Almost instantly, Noah and his team found over $300,000 of keywords that weren’t available in Search Console. They did this through building in position sorting, top of funnel/ bottom of funnel sorting, branded vs. non branded filters, and more.

We cannot wait to play with this and get started with the Search Console API!

Dana DiTomaso — Build for Search: Modern Web Dev That Puts SEO First

A long time MozCon favorite, Dana DiTomaso put on her coach’s hat for this year’s session. Far too often, we find ourselves in awkward situations that require us to scrap all of our work and start over again.

“Developers [also] come in way too late […] and come in and say, “oh, I can’t do that” […] or “this isn’t going to work on mobile,” and now you have to start the design all over again. @danaditomaso#MozCon

— Melina Beeston (@mkbeesto) July 12, 2021

Dana ran into this way too many times, so she and her team came up with a better solution. She was ready to make us, and our web dev processes, agile(ish).

She showed us her team's entire process from presenting keyword research (IN A PIE CHART?!), to using GatherContent to create a website blueprint for clients, all the way to wireframe creation and presentation.

SEO projects shouldn't be done in silos. SEO, UX, Design, Dev, & Content teams should all be involved early and often(as needed). The Agile project management method is a great framework that makes this easy to do. Insights from @danaditomaso 's talk #mozconpic.twitter.com/Fl5B8ncSG0

— Ọla King (@justolaking) July 12, 2021

At each step, anyone can jump in and see what is going on and add to the conversation or process. It’s far less linear and allows for more collaboration.

Jackie Chu — Internationalization Errors: How to Go Global Without Losing All of Your Traffic

With a track record like Jackie’s, it’s hard to imagine not blowing minds. Jackie started by explaining one of the most complex SEO concepts: Hreflang. This explanation led to a few tactical suggestions right off of the bat:

Define target language and country

Self-canonicalize all URLs

Use consistent URL patterns

Honestly, there were so many takeaways from this presentation that they were hard to keep track of. Imagine, all of that information on Hreflang alone was in the first 17 slides… and this presentation was 60 slides long!

Great tip by @jackiecchu about using extra signals beyond hreflang to show Google which version of your site is targeted to which international audience, such as linking to that country's respective social profiles, or editing the NAP to reflect that country's info.#mozconpic.twitter.com/2T24euwRyZ

— Lily Ray 😏 (@lilyraynyc) July 12, 2021

You’ll definitely want to revisit this presentation in the video bundle, available Friday, to glean all insights possible! 

Cyrus Shepard — Mastering 3 Click + Engagement Signals for Higher Rankings/Traffic

Cyrus, a long-time MozCon emcee, takes the stage himself this year to discuss how Google may — or may not — use user engagement signals as an input in ranking websites.

Cyrus started by explaining how 20 years of Google patents describe three different types of click signals they could measure: first clicks, long clicks, and last clicks. He then walked through a multitude of small-scale SEO experiments that attempted to influence these click signals to see if he could influence rankings.

Some of the experiments included:

Optimizing Meta Descriptions in non-traditional ways

Removing Title Tag "Boilerplate"

Improving the visibility of "Related Articles"

Adding FAQs

Don't do it. For the love of God. Don't do it.#MozCon@CyrusShepardpic.twitter.com/hWxCxLlpju

— Brie E Anderson (@brie_e_anderson) July 12, 2021

Finally, Cyrus shared some case studies including the migration of the Moz Q&A — which involved over 100,000 URLs — and how they improved user engagement.

What a great URL path migration process and conduction from @Moz's SEO team! Moving the Q&A section with some important checklist is something, but also, when it comes to user-generated content, it's hard to change. So @CyrusShepard came with over 16% success after that. #MozConpic.twitter.com/bIHk8uVHA6

— Roman Adamita (@AdamitaRoman) July 12, 2021

At the end, Cyrus emphasized that SEO is not about manipulating numbers, but that "User satisfaction is ranking factor #1." After watching this presentation, you'll definitely walk away with several ideas for engaging your visitor.