#I was about to ramble on more about Martha's past and how she's still kind of a good mom despite being nutty as a fruit cake

[nxthingmxtters]

hc + children

send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it regarding my character.

When Thomas gained Catwoman as an ally, it was just as well because if things had played out as they did in the main timeline with Batman taking Robin under his wing, Martha would have stolen the boy, never to let him go. No child can replace the son she lost but sometimes when crossing the path of a young one, Martha's maternal instincts stir just a little. They're not Bruce, she knows that but the temptation to steal them for herself would be irresistible had Thomas done the same thing, though Martha is unable to decide whether the decision to do so would be out of spite for her ex-husband or, in her own twisted way, to protect them from the horrors that crawls Gotham's streets.

[konstantya]

Fic (original fic?) excerpt, under the cut for length. (Tried to indent it, but tumblr doesn't like that, apparently? Anyway.)

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“You’re thinking about that night, aren’t you?” he murmured in her ear, too low for anyone else to hear.

“No,” she said breathlessly. “I’m not.”

“You little liar,” he admonished, pulling her closer as if in punishment, and her heart leapt into her throat. She was suddenly tempted to look condescendingly up into his eyes and haughtily demand just what he intended to do about her blatant falsehood. Suddenly wanted to play the bad girl he’d actually thought she’d been that night, just to see how he’d react.

She didn’t. Instead she pulled back and asked, “How is your brother doing? And his wife—Martha. How are they?”

He blinked down at her, as if shaking off a spell. “They’re—fine.” Maybe he was grateful for a distraction just as much as she was, or maybe it was simply nice to talk to someone who already knew the whole sordid story, because he continued: “I don’t know what it was that straightened him out. Age, maybe—it so happens that one of closest friends is about to become a father and is over the moon about it. Whatever it was, he’s become a model husband, as devoted to her as he was when they were first married. I’m glad,” Hugh admitted with relief. “She deserves it.”

Joan watched him, curiously. “You care about her a great deal, don’t you?”

He didn’t deny it. Seemed proud of it, in fact. “I love her like blood. Maybe because I never had a sister, I don’t know. She’s too much of a homebody for me, personally, but she’s sweet, you know? Can brighten anyone’s day up if you let her. Dear as she is to me, though, and happy as I am to call her family, for a long time I honestly thought she was too good for him. But maybe that’s changing. One can only hope, I suppose.” He chuckled at himself, at the way he’d rambled on, and caught her eye. “Listen to me—why are we here, talking about my family, in the middle of the dance-floor?”

“You know why,” she said meaningfully.

The arm around her tightened again, and he shifted her hand in his, rubbing his thumb against her palm while his gaze dropped to her mouth. “I know a few other things, as well.”

Joan swallowed. The whole situation was dangerous. But the fact that he’d already kissed her—brutally, cruelly, thinking she was someone else—somehow made it feel less so, like the dam had already been broken or the ice already cracked. Or maybe it was the opposite; maybe it was even more dangerous for that very reason.

She was thankful when the song ended, a few seconds later. Hugh seemed so, too, for he took his hands from her and ran one anxiously through his hair. “I’m going to the restroom,” he said. Joan nodded, and made her way back to their table.

He rejoined her a couple minutes later, his face looking refreshed, like he’d splashed water over it—perhaps the closest he could get to a cold shower, under the circumstances. “I want to apologize for what I said out there,” he told her, with a brisk nod at the dance-floor. “Rich of me to criticize my brother for being a rotter when I’m hardly any better—asking you out to dinner and then practically insulting you again.”

Joan took a thoughtful sip of her drink. “Would it be an insult?” she asked. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw him look at her, sharply, but she continued, despite the blush that rose to her cheeks. “Ever since that first night, you’ve been nothing but kind and polite to me.” She frowned, trying to organize her thoughts. The past month had given her time to become philosophical about the whole incident, but there was still something she had trouble putting her finger on.

She sighed, abruptly, then threw caution to the wind and spoke with a candidness she usually reserved strictly for members of her own sex. “You know, as a woman,” she said, “it’s surprisingly easy to tell when a man doesn’t respect you. Oh, plenty of them claim they do, but very few of them actually do. But you…” She finally turned to him, thought about the concern he obviously had for his sister-in-law, all the courtesy he’d since shown her. “I sincerely believe you do. So would it really be such an insult?” Heaven help her, she hardly knew what she was even asking, anymore. Her heart was pounding, and she wondered if she should have foregone the champagne cocktail.

Hugh, in turn, was suddenly looking at her with dark, intense eyes, like he wanted something, but was too afraid to give voice to it. The memory of their kiss, the way he’d held her so excruciatingly close, the way she’d been able to feel every line of his body through her thin nightgown, the way she’d been so completely and utterly at his mercy, seemed to crackle between them.

He took a deep breath and reached for his water. “I think we should talk about something else. What about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

[doctenwho]

Gestures and Evasion

Hello! Welcome to a new DT fic! My deepest apologies that it’s been so long, and thank you so much for waiting so patiently! Life’s been a bit of a rollercoaster recently, and I’ve needed a bit to recuperate, but I’m back again!

This prompt didn’t have a specific character mentioned, but luckily, since it wasn’t anonymous, I was able to shoot pistachoz a DM and they’ve confirmed it’s a Tenth Doctor request! :D

Warning: None, I don’t think?

Word Count: 3,514

Summary: Check out the prompt above! :)

(Gif doesn’t belong to me, credit to the creator! :D)

The Doctor doesn’t really remember the first small act he’d committed to try and get his companion to notice him. To notice him on a... well, on a more personal level?

It’s a general memory, nothing pinpointed, but he knows it happened long ago.

It was something small—mundane. (Y/N) had more or less brushed the gesture off with a light laugh and a smile that made his hearts hammer away in his chest, but (Y/N) had really seen if for what it had been.

It wasn’t very often that the Doctor had these sort of feeling about anything, but there was just something special about (Y/N). Something he couldn’t put his finger on.  

He’d been trying for just about as long as the companion had been travelling with him to send little messages, or gestures in hopes that maybe (Y/N) would see what he was doing for what it was instead of brushing it off like she tended to do.

If he’s honest, he’s never really had this kind of problem before. He’s had many companions, and more often than not, those companions tend to want more from him than he’s willing to allow himself to give. Rose, and Martha—Jack, even—they were all looking for more from him, and being what he is, and what he does, it’s not that simple to reciprocate feelings.  

They’ll all age and eventually die, whereas he’ll just move on to his next bout of regeneration with a broken heart he’ll have to try his hardest to keep under wraps.  

The Doctor knows that maybe (Y/N) showing such little interest in him is almost a good thing. Less heartbreak down the road when (Y/N) decides not to accompany him any longer, or, worse, when old age takes (Y/N) away like every other human before her. It’s inevitable, and he really should have a stronger hold on human life compared to TimeLord life, but the loss always knocks him down for a while.

It should be a good thing, but he just can’t seem to bring himself around to believing that it’s a good thing. Not when every time (Y/N) brushes off a gesture he’s thought over, and put time and effort into, it fills his hearts with an unfamiliar pain he hasn’t felt since losing his family and Gallifrey alike.  

It had taken him a while to notice he was even trying to win (Y/N) in a sort of courtship way. And it had taken even longer to realize he’d been doing it for about as long as he’d known (Y/N). It hadn’t seemed like it at the time, but looking back now, he can see how all the little comments and gestures were more than just friendly.  

But she’d been brushing his attempts off since early in their travels. Shooting him a smile, but turning away when anything too even the slightest romantic turn. Avoiding his eyes when he stared fondly, or laughing it off when a compliment slipped past his lips.

He really didn’t understand it.  

He could see the Gallifreyan romantic gestures confusing (Y/N), but the few earth gestures he’d picked up barely stirred anymore of a reaction than the Gallifreyan ones. He didn’t know where he was going wrong—how it was all being perceived the way it was. The wrong way. He wasn’t getting the reactions he wanted and... well, it hurt.  

Both his pride, and his hearts.  

It had started small with flowers—or, a flower. They were on a foreign planet, but he knew giving small gifts like a flower was one of the human gestures. So, he’d searched around while his companion was busy exploring, and located the loveliest flower he could find. It was mixtures of blues and purples; native to the planet but incredibly rare considering they only bloomed twice a year, for no longer that three days at a time.  

The flower had a sweet smell; one similar to those of sweets from earth. For a while, before he’d remembered Earth didn’t have this specific species of flower, nor were they advanced enough in space travel to find one, he’d assumed they’d used the attractive scent of the flower as a marketing technique to sell their sweets.  

The sugary smell Earth sweets had would always come second to the scent of this specific flower.  

The exchange had been short, and less than pleasurable if the Doctor’s honest. He’d found (Y/N) sitting on the ground, just taking the calming atmosphere of the planet. His heart stuttered in his chest before he finally took those last few steps towards her, where he settled at her side and cleared his throat to gain her attention.  

He’d held the flower out, rambling out facts as (Y/N) took the flower into her hands. She gave it a sniff, and fiddled with the stem and petals for a second before smiling down at it. She stared down at it, before looking back at him with an appreciative smile. He’d thought he’d won her over, but instead, she settled the flower on the ground beside her.  

His hearts had cracked as his companion’s hand fell away from the flower, leaving it on the ground as she returned her attention to the world around her. He’d swallowed thickly before sitting himself beside her, not bothering to mention the fact his gesture had gone unnoticed.

It was the same ordeal when he’d ordered (Y/N) a space delicacy from one of his favorite planets, where his companion had taken the treat into her hands and tasted it without a second thought. Smiling down at the treat, before shooting him light smile as she licked her lips.

He didn’t know why he’d been expecting—hoping for—anything more than the usual ‘Thank you’ he always received when he did something out of the ordinary for his companion, but the mumbled words had filled his with a sense of sadness.  

It was silly.  

But he kept trying.

The gestures just kept coming. It was barely a forethought anymore. An unconscious effort to try and win over his companion—seeking this relationship (Y/N) quite obviously didn’t want. It was a sad downward spiral, but he really couldn’t imagine not trying to woo her. He’d been at it for so long, not trying sounded foreign.

He tried just about anything he could to get any sort of reaction. Any hint that his companion knew what he was trying to do. Any acknowledgment that she understood that he was trying. He’d prefer blatant rejection to this... whatever this evasive attitude (Y/N) was expressing.  

Dinner in the stars.

Unique gifts from distant planets.

Various treats and snacks from wherever they happened to be.

He even tried to learn more about human things on earth. How humans went about stuff like this, and how it all differed from his Gallifreyan roots. Human courting was quite the oddity.  

He didn’t talk to many humans who weren’t his companions, or people he’d saved in some way or another, but the man who ran one of the shops had taken some time to educate him, but the Doctor had come out of that conversation more confused than he’d gone in.  

But on the bright side, (Y/N) had enjoyed the bag of sweets he’d awkwardly bought to stand at the register and chat with the friendly shopkeeper.  

He was still at a loss. Nothing seemed to be working. Nothing wooed his companion. He didn’t understand—couldn't see how not one single thing he’d tried had gotten (Y/N)’s attention.

But he still had one more thing up his sleeve.  

“Where are we going?” (Y/N) asked cautiously from the seat in the console room. The Doctor was doing his usual laps around the TARDIS console to what should be six TimeLord’s jobs simultaneously. He’d gotten good at it over the years, but there was still, occasionally, some rough kickbacks when he couldn’t be everywhere at once.

“It’s a surprise,” the man shot his companion a grin, pulling a lever. At this point, (Y/N) should be used to the surprises. He never got the kinds of reactions he was looking for, but he was still hoping that... maybe sometime he would. That something he planned would be the special one that could win his companion over.

(Y/N) didn’t reply, but continued to watch the Doctor how around the TARDIS like a madman.  

They weren’t far from the next greatest surprise the man had planned. They’d been travelling a little under an hour, and (Y/N) had only joined him in the console room ten-ish minutes prior, but he’d still refused to tell her where they were heading.  

(Y/N) was still quiet when the Doctor stabilized his space and time machine, checking everything twice before finally tugging his companion up by the hand and leading her towards the doors.  

He threw the doors open, grinning widely as he gazed around. Just as promised.  

It was a phenomenon really. A collection of heart shaped carbon monoxide ice chunks. No one was quite sure how they’d been formed, or whether someone had carved the hearts and left them to float in this tiny orbital pull in the middle of nowhere.  

It was a sight few saw—the Doctor had only heard of this place from chatter on a nearby planet, but he had to admit it was just as beautiful as he’d imagined. The ice glistened as the light casted from the TARDIS hit it, making them twinkle just as brightly as the stars in the background.

It was about as romantic as you could get.  

“Woah,” (Y/N) gaped at his side, and the Doctor turned to look, smile slowly lighting up his face as he watched his companion’s eyes travel from heart to heart. “What... what is this?”

“It’s carbon monoxide ice,” the Doctor informed softly, the smile on his face widening as his hearts thrummed in his chest. His companion had an astonished look on her face, eyes wide with childlike curiosity. “Like that of Mars in your solar system. No one’s really sure how they take shape but... well, they’re quite the sight.”

“It’s beautiful,” (Y/N) breathed out, almost like her breath was taken away by the sight.  

The Doctor had been told by many, had seen for himself as beauty takes away people’s breath. He’d been there too, once or twice with his current companion.  

He barely even caught his words as they left his mouth—his heart speaking before his brain had a chance to filter his words, “Like you.”

That was his moment of error, the Doctor noticed.

He frowned to himself as his companion slowly pulled themself away, shying away from his side and retreating back into the TARDIS with one last lingering glance at the ice. The Doctor’s hearts froze within his chest, as he watched uncertainly—unsure just how he’d managed to mess this one up as well.  

“It’s late,” (Y/N) muttered softly before leaving the Doctor alone in the TARDIS doorway, the man’s gaze locked on one lone heart with a barely noticeable crack down the center. It wouldn’t be long before the orbit around them pulled the frail pieces apart, severing the heart into two.  

The TimeLord forced a breath, squeezing his eyes shut for just a moment as he resided completely with the cracked heart.

He didn’t understand.  

The clumps of frozen carbon monoxide made his hearts hurt the longer he stared, so he was quick to follow on his companion’s footsteps, spinning on his heels and shuffling back inside, making sure to shut the doors behind him.

He wanted to flee this place, this failed attempt, but he couldn’t bring himself around to flying the TARDIS at the moment. He didn’t have the energy too. Like expected, (Y/N) had disappeared into the TARDIS, so the Doctor plopped heavily down on the seat.  

Maybe it was time to accept the fact that his companion did not reciprocate his feelings. That he was barking up the wrong tree. He’d thought that they were... but maybe he was wrong.  

The Doctor stared up at the TARDIS ceiling, his space and time machine giving a little hum as if she could feel his worries and mood. His hand patted the back of his seat halfheartedly as a promise that he was okay.  

It had never been this hard with any other companion. There was just something so special about (Y/N). Something he wanted to get closer too, even though he knew he’d end up hurt in the end. Something he wasn’t sure he’d ever get now.  

Maybe it was time to settle this once and for all. His gestures were overlooked, or, maybe even ignored. As much as it hurt to admit, (Y/N) didn’t seem very enthused with anything he’d done. Maybe it was the human not understanding what he was trying to do—but humans tended to like words.

--

The Doctor from (Y/N) in her room, perched on the edge of her bed. (Y/N)’s attention raised when the Doctor announced his arrival with a sturdy knock on the slivered-open door. The knock pushed the door in enough for the Doctor to poke his head in.  

“Do you, uh, have a moment?” He asked cautiously, almost ready for the rejection he’d been living with for the better part of travelling with (Y/N). He’d grown used to it, but it still tugged at his heart strings. She’d never deny him conversation, but he could still see and feel her pulling away from him.  

“Of course,” (Y/N) sat up a little more, giving the Doctor her full attention. “What’s the matter?”

He hadn’t thought this far ahead, the Doctor realizes as he shifts from foot to foot in (Y/N)’s doorway, mind vacant of any thoughts. (Y/N) tilted her head at the Doctor’s odd silence, studying him from her spot, “Doctor...? Are you okay?”

“Yes,” the man cleared his throat. Then did so a second time before continuing, “I wanted to, uhm, know what you thought about the, uh,” he gestured broadly behind him, hoping his companion could piece his question together.

“The ice hearts?”

It was a good thing his companion was so clever.

“Yes, the hearts.” The Doctor nods, fingers tapping awkwardly against his side. “Did you... did you like them?”

“They were beautiful,” (Y/N) repeated once again, fidgeting with her own fingers, “it was a bit unexpected, but... yeah, I did. Thanks for showing me them.”

The man gave a nod, but didn’t voice anything. If he thought his voice would’ve come out naturally instead of the anxious waver he was sure would be there, he definitely would’ve replied with a soft ‘My pleasure,’ because it really was his pleasure to introduce (Y/N) to the beauty of the galaxy.  

There was an unsettling moment of silence where neither really knew what to say.  

It was the Doctor who broke it, staring at his shoes as he finally allowed the words he’d been stewing over out, “do you... not like me, (Y/N)?”

“What?” the surprise was prominent. The word rang out for a second before the Doctor lifted his gaze to settled on (Y/N)’s shocked, tense frame. Her muscles were stiff, body sitting up straighter and more alert than she had been when he’d first asked to talk. “I like you plenty,” (Y/N) assured quickly, “what gave you the idea I didn’t?”

There was a list, really. He could count things off on his fingers, but he wasn't here to be petty. The man bit his lip, leaning against the doorframe to support his weight. He honestly just wanted to know why (Y/N) was so evasive every time he so much as tried to woo her.  

“You... well, uh, you never seem to care,” he made sure to word it carefully, “I... I’m not sure if you even notice, or ignore it, or what. I just, I need you to be honest with me. Why haven’t you... reciprocated any feelings?”

“I’m not sure what you mean, Doctor,” (Y/N)’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and one ankle crossed over the other as she leaned forwards in interest.

“Since I met you,” the Doctor swallowed, “I’ve been... I don’t know how to say it but, trying to court you, I suppose? That’s not really something humans do, but it is something TimeLords do. It’s just that... every attempt I’ve made... every try I’ve made to do something cute, or romantic, you brush it off. You’re evasive, and... I’d just like to know if that’s because you don’t reciprocate my feelings. If you don’t feel the same, we can just put this all behind us.”

“It’s not like that,” (Y/N)’s voice was quiet, a near whisper, “please don’t think it’s because I don’t like you. I do, Doctor. I just... I wasn’t sure.”

“Weren’t sure?” The man furrowed his eyebrows, “sure about what?”

“I didn’t want to risk our friendship. I noticed everything, the flower you gave me, the sweets. All the dinners, and the... the dates. Today with the ice hearts even. I didn’t know how to admit I liked you when there was a chance you didn’t like me back the same way. I don’t know what I’d do if I ruined this.”

“But the gestures and dates?” the Doctor frowned, finally stepping into (Y/N)’s room and sitting on the edge of her bed beside her. He’d thought he was being obvious.

“Very obvious,” his companion let out a little laugh, “and I should’ve known, but I was scared. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. This adventure is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I didn’t want to compromise that by admitting my feelings.”

He could understand that, a bit. “So... you do like me too?”

“Of course,” (Y/N)’s smile was soft, “a lot, Doctor. I just... didn’t know how to reciprocate it without there being a possibility that everything could fall through, and we’d ruin our relationship in the process. I know you were offering it, but I was nervous. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” the Doctor chastised quietly. He paused for a second before speaking again, “I’m having a hard time believing this is real,” he admitted with a tilt of his head, “you really acknowledged it all? I... never noticed.”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) smiled softly, “and I have proof it wasn’t all in vain, Doctor.” (Y/N) stood up from her spot on the bed, and moved towards her book shelf. It housed a few books, and some trinkets she’d found on their travels and liked. She continued speaking as she searched through the books, “I really enjoyed everything you put together for me since I met you. I wasn’t sure you were really doing it all to be romantic at first but... the hearts today really summed that up for me.”

The man watched as she tugged on one of the book’s spines, pulling it from the shelve and holding it in her hands for a second before she waving to retake her seat. She started flipping through the pages, so the Doctor leaned over her shoulder to watch.  

“Here,” she stopped on a page towards the middle of the book. The Doctor refrained from gaping as his companion carefully pulled that singular flower he’d given her all that time ago from the book. The room was instantly filled with that sweet, alluring scent and his hand shook as he took the pressed flower into his fingers by the delicate stem.

“I thought you left this,” he admitted softly, studying the vibrant colours that had stayed even after being pressed into the book. He hadn’t noticed her bringing the flower back. Had really thought she’d left it on that planet and ignored the gesture entirely.  

“I couldn’t,” his companion sighed, “it was selfish, even if I didn’t want to ruin what we had, I wanted to keep it to remember the moment. To remember you, even if we did at some point part ways.”

“You’re brilliant,” the Doctor breathed out, finally passing the flower back like it was as precious as a crown jewel or something. “So incredibly brilliant, (Y/N).”

(Y/N)’s cheeks flushed and she ducked her head away from his gaze, but it was different than the usual brushing away of his gestures. Something was different now.  

They hadn’t cleared it all up, that was for sure. He still had questions, and she still had doubts. They didn’t quite understand each other yet, but it hadn’t all been in vain like he’d thought. She’d seen it all. Acknowledged it, even if not to him. His hearts swelled as he smiled lightly.

There was still a lot they needed to discuss, but for right now, the Doctor just wanted to spend a bit of time with his companion—without all the hassle of their rightful doubts and insecurities.

“Do you think we could... spend a little while longer looking out at the frozen carbon monoxide outside before we leave? It really is quite pretty, and... maybe we can talk about this more later?”

“I’d... love that, Doctor.”

“Good. Uh, great,” he cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. His companion giggled at him, but he didn’t mind in the slightest, “allons-y, (Y/N).”

<><><><>

Once again, sorry this took so long! I’m hoping to keep this momentum going and keep getting out the requests in waiting! I hope you all liked this fic, it was a bunch of fun to write! I thoroughly enjoyed creating the frozen carbon monoxide hearts, so I hope you all liked that as well!

As always, feel free to prompt me again if this wasn’t what you were looking for (though it might take a while to get around to it if you do!) and thanks once more for requesting. Hoping everyone had a good morning/day/night!

[ms-march]

Old Hollywood AU- The Lucky One

Here is the first chapter/one shot of this AU that is a collab and crossover that @tolstoyamericanrevolution and I have been working on it since November! Please keep an open mind to character interpretation because this is AU territory and a lot of a character who isn't necessarily the focus of the AU can be warped for plot and time accuracy purposes over character accuracy! So let's get to it and happy last day of TURN WEEK 2021!!!!

Global media was in a buzz, Today was the Hollywood equivalent of a royal wedding. With all the bells and whistles belonging to the West Coast set. New & old money all united around the superficialities of silver screens and unions and dubious desert deals. All neatly swallowed down with a glass of wedding champagne- the same brand as Buckingham palace yet here it looked slightly gaudy, American.

The media was here to adore, this was a decade before your Grace Kelly’s and other exports could wear centuries-old crowns.

Here it was harsh, fiscal, temporary, silver over platinum yet it was royal, majestic, lovely- every bit worth the soundbite.

This was the American monarchy, all a blend of the finest breeds and worst mongrels.

Dressed up in such a lovely, splendid crowd that Philadelphia, New York, Houston, Los Angeles & Chicago would all be running titles.

“Adoring Crowds rewarded at last! The Marriage of America’s Sweetheart”

“Hollywood Royalty! Adrienne Fairfax & John Laurens tie the Knot”

“ Media Heiress & Tobacco Heir; Los Angeles’s Marriage of The Decade”

Those picking up the papers would all sigh the same thing; how lovely.

The crowd was lovely.

At least, she was sure it was. Adrienne Fairfax had not yet been seen by a single member of the crowd, anxiously sitting before a vanity in a wedding gown three times her size, wringing satin gloved hands until the gloves began to crease. Her hands shook with the same fear that was responsible for the turning of her stomach as she removed them.

Today was her wedding day and it was exactly as she had always dreamed. Every detail was perfect and precisely to her liking.

Every detail was impressive.

Every detail would impress them.

The crowd was lovely.

The crowd had cheered for her, applauding her on the engagement just as they did when she was on the movie screen. Adrienne had been just as shocked as them to hear of her engagement. She would certainly remember being proposed to at the ripe age of seventeen. She certainly would have remembered if the man who did so was twenty-three years old, making him five years her senior.

The crowd had buzzed with conversation, just as they did now, outside of the open windows that were meant to cool her down. The cool breeze in the mountains this time of year should have corrected the heat filling her face and chest as it billowed through the open windows of the room, carrying the sounds of society in with it.

Her wedding was exactly as she had always dreamed.

It was in the mountains, away from the pollution of the billboard lights and American mile cars. She could see the stars from here, the real ones, in the sky. Not the ones in the velvet curtains in the ballroom, or the ones on the tule that coated the tablecloth in the grand dining room of the house she had barely spent a night in since she was a very young girl. Not the ones taking their seats in a church to watch Adrienne make the most irreversibly horrible decision of her life.

The crowd was lovely.

She was sure it was, and she was grateful for them. Their own chatter drowned out the echoes of old ghosts that still haunted this house’s halls. Adrienne’s eyes fluttered down to the picture frame propped up on the vanity in her childhood bedroom. She had been watching it like the smiling couple in the photo would decide to leave their seats on the terrace and walk away.

It was impressive.

The woman had light-colored hair, and the man’s was some odd form of grey in the yellowing black and white photo. She wore the most beautiful gown of pearly ivory layers and lace, the very same gloves Adrienne had just pulled from her own clammy hands graced the woman’s hands, the tiara atop her head in the photo matching the one atop the pile of blonde curls that she had just arranged in the vanity mirror.

It was just as she had imagined it.

Adrienne had found her mother’s wedding planning book years ago, and she fell in love with it the moment she first laid her eyes upon the beautiful fair-haired woman, leaning happily into the man in a finely tailored tuxedo and a wide smile in his eyes with an odd grey color to his hair.

Adrienne had not stepped foot over the threshold of this impressive Georgian English Manor style house since the last time she was dressed head to toe in black.

Adrienne had not crossed the threshold since the day of their funeral when she crossed from the foyer to the stairs down the drive with her belongings in tow.

She had gone home with a family friend that her parents had entrusted with her care and upbringing. The Washingtons were more superficial people than her parents had been. Not to say that they consumed more, that much was about the same. Rather, they were more concerned about success than they ever were with her. Growing up with the Washingtons, Adrienne had so many nannies, nurses, and governesses she often forgot their names. Not that it was important really, none of them integrated with her more than they absolutely had to.

Martha Washington had been insistent that she was to be the only maternal figure to the young heiress. Which would have been perfectly alright if she did not despise Adrienne’s own mother so deeply, making her maternal affection very few and far between.

Today is her wedding day.

It was Martha that had opened the door without a word, simply raising her brow, impatient with the blonde girl before the vanity. Adrienne managed one last look in the mirror before rising from the small chair she had sat on, donning her gloves over the clamminess of her sweaty hands, and breathed.

She breathed carefully as Martha pulled the veil to cover her face.

In and out.

In and out and suddenly she could pretend she was not being made to act as a witness as George signed over all she was to gain upon her 18th birthday to a man named John Laurens. He had shown up to sign the papers himself, a courtesy to George, she was sure. He was to be her husband, or so she had been told.

He had not even looked at her.

He did not greet her when he came through the door, only George. He did not converse with her, only George. She could have gotten up, smacked him, and walked out of the room and he would still not have noticed her.

He was to be her husband and she had not met him but once before. She knew who he was, vaguely. He worked at the studio as an actor. He was the son of an influential South Carolina politician who had a family fortune in the tobacco trade. But she had only met John Laurens once before her wedding day was set for the day of her 18th birthday and not a single day later. A week after watching her life be signed away into his hands he had paid her a visit.

Another courtesy to George, she was sure.

He had arrived with no specific plan, and walked through the gardens with her, talking now to her for almost an hour straight. She had even tried placing both tea and whiskey before him to shut his ramblings, both attempts failing miserably as he continued on about himself. He visited for almost two hours and had not asked her a single thing about herself.

He was to be her husband and he did not know a thing about her.

They met four other times during the short engagement, most of which were public niceties, another courtesy to George. There was not a single newspaper, magazine, or television hour that did not wish to have some kind of word with her on the topic of her wedding. None of them dared to advise her, she had been out planning the very best in the country since her earliest teenage years. A popular anecdote she had heard more in the past few months than she had anything else in the rest of her life went as following:

The Pope had come to visit the re-elected Franklin Delano Roosevelt in the White House but found the most pleasant time in the company of the most eligible girl in America, all the way on the West Coast.

The crowd was lovely.

That is what George had told her with a peck of a kiss to her cheek before he took his seat. She would walk herself down the aisle.

The harp and violins played as the grand doors to the ballroom opened on her, exposing her to the crowd and their whispers. The ceremony looked stunning. It was just as she had imagined it when she was little.

She only now began to wish that she had imagined the man at the end of the aisle so that there might be at least something she could find fault with.

There were familiar faces among the crowd that she passed on her long and slow walk to the man at the other end of the grand room. The clicking echo of her heels on the floor being the only thing keeping her trembling legs on course, but even worse was searching as discreetly as possible for those familiar faces. Anything to not have to face the harsh reality of who— no, of what— waited for her at the end of the crowd.

Among the crowd, her eyes locked with another blonde-haired man and she begged herself not to look desperate. He saw her looking too, but he managed far more composure than Adrienne did. Of course he did.

He must be thrilled.

Adrienne had the thought before she could stop herself. John Andre was another executive at the studio alongside George. Before her engagement, there had been pressures from all around for the two of them to marry. It would be a fitting trade, they justified, the daughter of an executive to the wife of an executive. It was a natural transition.

Perhaps that is why he had not spoken out about her engagement and marriage being written into her contract. He stood there, pretending he was not looking at her in his black tailored tuxedo, hair done in the most fashionable way with a small wave curl to it. He pretended that she was not on a death march.

He pretended far better than her.

He had his vices, that much she knew, but he was respectful. He spoke with her, not just to her. She knew him. She knew him and even though she had never found him more than physically attractive she found herself wishing it was him at the end of the aisle, and not for the first time since her engagement.

Today was her wedding day.

In a few minutes, she won’t be engaged anymore.

In a few minutes, she would be married.

In a few minutes, she would be married to a man that did not know a single thing about her.

She would be married to a man in less than a few minutes, and suddenly Adrienne understood all those runaway brides, leaving their fiance’s at the altar. Her heart pounded, hammering in her chest as she composed herself with a warm indifference. She had been doing so well. Then she saw him.

John Andre was an executive at the studio with George. There was pressure from all around for them to get married.

It was a fair trade.

He remained silent for his own sake. One cannot be forced to marry a woman who already belongs to a husband of her own.

She would be married and he would remain a bachelor till the end of his days, just as he wanted, receiving pity for her engagement everywhere he looked, exempting him from the very idea of marriage. Exempting him from being held accountable for his vices.

He must be thrilled, signing her life away to a man who doesn’t know a single thing about her for his own peace of mind.

It was a fair trade.

He had played the game and played it well.

He had won. And it was fair.

This will all be over soon, and she could find solstice in the stars over the sleepy Manor estate, talking to a ghost from the lawn as if he never left her. He had never left her, calling her to look up and scour the sky for stars whenever she felt lonely.

He had called her “my star.”

She was his star, and soon it would all be over. She could disappear into the night and be with the stars, chatting with ghosts from a happier past.

It will all be over soon.

She was looking through the crowd for familiar faces.

She was doing so well. And then she saw him, in the doorway she had just come from, a man in a finely tailored tuxedo and a wide smile in his eyes with an odd grey color to his hair. “It will all be over soon.”

And she heard him from the other end of the aisle, loud and clear, as if he were right beside her, as he should be.

Executive’s daughter married,

Media magnet meets Southern industry

John Andre: Hollywood’s Most Wanted Bachelor Remains Unwed

It was easy to feel remorseful, heroically guilty when you had nothing at stake.

No real risk to gamble.

It was the prisoner that escaped the hanging and looked sympathetically to the damned, fingers crossed behind their back. That was John Andre on this fine nuptial day.

If it had been him standing at the end of the aisle, where another John stood, he would be less prone to sympathy and instead resentment. Resentment of having his wings clipped and arranged around him, in exchange for a slip of a girl whom he felt no connection with.

By no connection, he meant romantic or intimate or lustful- none of the trilogy of connections worth considering matrimony.

Instead, he felt an observer's connection, a connection of pity, of sympathy- lightly powdered amusement and a genuine kindness that came from recognizing another piece on the chessboard of the older generation.

You could have as much power or success as you wanted in this city, as an executive you would assume John had made it to the top, and yet you would always be a puppet on someone else’s string.

Ask any man and it would be a woman, a mafia deal, a boss, an older competitor, or simply the moths that floated around the sparkles of fame ready to consume you if you stepped out of line.

[ihaveafandom-problem554]

Hamiltots

"Mama! I-I wanna stay w- with you" Alex whined to his mother. "I'm sorry Alexander but mama's busy. You'll stay with Mr. Washington, he's a nice man."

Alex looks up at Mr. Washington, then quickly diggs his face into his mother's chest. "Ooh! Alexander! I'm so sorry, he's just really shy- OW Alexander Hamilton! What have I said about biting!" Alex only yells into his mother's chest in response.

" It's ok madam, I understand." Washington leans in closer to Alex. " Hey Alexander, Mom needs to go-" Alex yelled even louder then the first time in his mother's chest. "Hey, look I know you're gonna miss mommy, but you can make lots of friends here!" He tries to reassure Alex. "Come on, mom will be back before you know it!" Washington says leaning over to grab Alex from his mother's grasp. "Come on, say bye to mama"

"B-Bye-bye" Alex waved, tears threatening come out from his eyes. "Now, I just know you will make plenty of friends Son." Washington says opening the door for Alexander.

Alex glares at Washington before walking in.

The second Alex walks in, he sees a series of activities and multiple at each one. The crafting table has 4 boys and 1 girl. At the book section there 2 boys and a girl who seems to admire the kid in a pink shirt with puffy hair. One of the girls aren't even doing anything, she's just staring out the window. To take a guess she might be talking to the birds.

Alexander's examination of his surroundings was interrupted by a girl in a yellow shirt and a boy with a missing tooth, he looked scary but his smile was sweet, both kids came from the crafting table.

"Well aren't you two eager to meet our new friend?" Washington charmed patting both the kids' heads.

"Children!" He says getting everyone's attention " We have a new friend! Introduced yourselves, like we practiced yesterday." One by one the kids start to introduce themselves.

"Hi I'm Maria!"

"I'm Charles Lee"

"Samuel Seabury!"

"King George The III" A disappointed was heard from Mr. Washington

"James Reynolds"

" *small cough* James Madison"

He glares before telling Alex his name " ..... Thomas Jefferson"

"John Laurens!"

"Hercules Mulligan!"

"Aaron burr"

"Angelica"

"Eliza!"

"And PEGGY!"

Hercules and Peggy were the two infront of Alexander almost jumping, "What's your name!" Peggy burst out. "A-Alex- Alexander Hamil-ton"

"Wow that's a mouth full!" Peggy says with a wide smile. "Yeah, but not as much as Laf's name"

"Well that's because Lafayett- wait if Jefferson is here...Then where is.." All three kids look up at Mr. Washington, who was looking around the classroom. "Hey Hercules, where's Lafayette?"

"Oh he went with Mrs. Martha, he looked sad."

"Oh ok, Alexander you can go ahead and have fun with Hercules and Peggy" Washington says, then walking off to the back room. "Come on lets go the crafting table!" Hercules grabs Alex's arm then rushing off to the crafting table with Peggy following right behind.

At the crafting table...

"And that's how I will get all turtles to rule the world an I will become a turtle Princess!" John says standing on the table showing a drawn picture with Laurens on a throne and turtles fighting off the humans to Aaron. "You won't be a 'Princess', you're a boy. You'll be a prince or a King." Aaron says grabbing his poorly drawn picture and pointing at Laurens on the throne.

"Sudd up A-a-ron, I'll be a princess when I wanna" Laurens whined while snatching his beautifully drawn picture.

"My name isn't 'A-a-ron' It's Aaron!"

"Nuh-uh It's spelled A-a-ron"

"NO IT'S NOT-" ( calm down Jamal-)

"Guys look Alex- oh wait do you mind me calling you Alex?" Herc asks, his bounce slowly leaving his body. " Yeah you can"

" *Excited gasp* Guys! Alex Seems really cool can he stay with us?" Hercules' bounce comes back. "Sure! he can be my partner in the war of turtles" Laurens says, throwing his hands up in the air. Alexander giggles in response. He sits down with the rest of them and they plan out on how to help turtles take over the world.

Randomly, Alexander feels uneasy, like if he was being hunted. He turns around to see 2 things. Peggy literally jumping of excitement, and a pair of eyes staring at him from the reading center. Like if they stared any longer laser beams would come out and kill him.

Alex gave them the same look back but more intense, the person is taken back, not expecting Alex to glare back. The kid comes out of his hiding spot to reveal itself as Jefferson, his glare get scarier but Alex stood his ground, knowing he can't glare any harder he keeps his glare and continues to stare at Jefferson.

30 seconds past and their still glaring at each other. Like if it was some intense staring contest.

"Alexander, was it?" A woman spoke, causing Alex to turn around. "O-oh yeah.."

The kind women smiles then points to herself "I'm Mrs. Martha... And this shy one is- Oh Laurens we spoke about standing on the table!" She quickly grabs Laurens off the table and onto a seat. "Sorry Mrs. Martha.." Laurens pouts.

"It's ok Laurens. Anyway Like I was saying, Lafayette honey, come on and introduce yourself"

A kid- who looks a lot like the Jefferson kid, emerges from behind Mrs. Martha's legs. Alex smiles "Hi! I'm Alexander! you can call me Alex!" Alex jumps, hoping it would cure his shyness. The boy mutters something under his breath while fiddling with the ends off his shirt. "You can do it Laf!" Herc cheers.

"He's Italian, so he can't speak english that good... He gets really shy about it" Peggy tells Alex. "Peggy it's not Italian it's french!" Mrs. Martha corrects.

"Ohh yeah sorry!"

"My..na-me?..."

"Go ahead honey" Mrs. Martha trying to encourage him.

He takes a deep breath. "Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette, Marquis de Lafayette, but Toi can appelle-moi Lafayette" he says in a very THICK accent.

"Ce est tellement cool! Je n'ai jamais parlé de quelqu'un qui parle français (This is so cool! I never spoke of someone who speaks French).." Alex beams.

Lafayette lights up "Tu me comprends!? C'est tellement incroyable! (You understand me!? It is so amazing!)" he leans in to hug Alex. They both share a laugh while Hercules pouts and Mrs. Martha takes in the moment. "YAY!" Laurens Cheers "You can tell us what Laf is saying! This is going to be the best!" All the boys and Peggy, cheer expect Burr. "Well, I'll leave you guys be." Mrs. Martha turns around going off to the back room. "Don't be rough now"

"Guys I'll be right back" Burr says getting up. "Nah-uh, You stay here, Alex just got here and you're gonna go and talk to Jefferpoo" Laurens grabs Burr and sits him  back down.  "Hey! his name isn't Jefferpoo it's Jefferson!"

"Nuh-uh, He hurt Laf a lot he'a a real meanie" Herc protested.

"Yeah! he also took my yellow crayon and broke it this morning!" Peggy whined. Laurens and Herc went over to confort Peggy.

"He just think you guys are babish that's why" Burr stated, causing Hercules and Laurens to argue with him.

...

" Taffy can I test your english again!?" Peggy bursts. "Ooo can I help?" Alex bounces for the first time today. "Oui" Lafayette smiles. "Ooo Lets get a book!" Alex beams, then turning around to go over to the reading center. "W-wait you need-" Peggy panics but Alex was too busy running  over the reading center to listen. Once he gets there, he sees 3 people.

James Madison and Angelica were on one side sitting on a bean bag. James looks like he was reading a book but later gave up and was listening to Angelica who was rambling about something. On the other side was Jefferson he was also on a bean bag reading a book bigger than his head.

Alex looked over in the different genres of books, deciding which one will be better for Lafayette. Grabbing and putting back the bins, sometimes grabbing a couple books in the process. In a split second, he turns around, reacting to the shifting sound of a bean bag. When he does, he sees Jefferson staring right at him.

They stare at each other for a bit, until Lafayette stepped in the gap between them. "Found book?" Lafayette gives him a nervous smile while trying to block his view of Thomas. "Oh not yet. I don't know which one to chose."

"Ooo ooo! Get the one about the black kitty!" Peggy doesn't get in the reading center, but she points at the book she was talking about. It was right next to Angelica. "Excuse me-" Alex says grabbing both, Angelica's and James' attention. "Could you please move... I need to grab a book."

Angelica stares at Alexander. It's not a threatening look, it's a surprised look. "Uh, are you gonna-"

"OH! yeah sorry!" she apologizes than moving out the way.

It a took while but he finally found the book Peggy was talking about. He picks up the cat book and a few other books he chose for Lafayette. " Come on, Laffy! It seems like a lot but I think you can do it!" The second Alex said 'Laffy' he noticed Jefferson look up at him with anger in his eyes.

As the two boys were about to walk out of the surprisingly big reading center. Lafayette fell face first onto his nose.

"Laffy! are you ok!?" Alexander puts down the books to check on Lafayette. "Ce n'était pas pour vous, arrêtez de vous embarrasser. Il n'est pas censé t'appeler comme ça.(It wasn't for you, stop embarrassing yourself. He's not supposed to call you that.)" Jefferson says digging his head back in the book.

Alex was confused. I thought Lafayette was the only one who spoke French... And if he speaks French and english, shouldn't he be around Laffy to translate?... but all those thoughts got put to the side after processing what Jefferson had said to Lafayette.

"Y-you were gonna trip me?" Alex says helping Lafayette up. Jefferson looks up at him, "Yeah, there's rules here. Starting off with one of them, don't call Lafayette Laffy, only I do that and I also don't like the fact you have a lot of confidence to walk in here like no else is here. Your lucky you're new here cause I wouldn't hesitate to drop kick that butt of yours..." Alex was almost speechless, at the same time impressed by how much sass he had.

"That's dumb. I bet all those rules just makes yourself feel better than anyone else-"

"There aren't dumb, they just keep everyone else out of my way, knowing most of you are.... what do you call it ... idiotic" Jefferson snickers. "Well at least I know the difference between girl and boy colors." Alex snaps back.

The room isn't silent but Lafayette and Peggy can feel the dense yet quiet tension between the two.

"Say it again." Jefferson stands up from the bean bag obviously threaten. Alex notices this and takes advantage of his anger.

"Hey Alexander, allons lire les livres que tu choisis? (will we read the books you choose?)" Lafayette says desperately trying to change the subject.

"Sorry I didn't know you poofy hair blocked your hearing, I said-"

"Kids! What's going on?" The 4 kids turn around to see Mr. Washington hold a stack of papers.

"Jefferson-"

"LAFAYETTE WHAT HAPPENED!" Mrs. Martha shouts grabbing nearly every kids' attention. Lafayette didn't know what she was talking about until he touch his nose.

blood..

"Jefferson-"

"Baby how long have you- Why didn't you- Hunny keep your head up- How- Oh it's ok tell- dear goodness that's a lot of- Imma need you to keep your head up-" Mrs. Martha continues unable to finish a sentence.

Alex walks over to Mr. Washington and pulls on his leg. "Yes son-"

"Don't call me that- Jefferson tripped him"

"W-what?-"

"Well he tried to trip me but LAFFY saved me" Alex emphasizing the name 'Laffy'

Jefferson growls at Alex before reluctantly looks at Mrs. Martha who had a very upset expression. "Jefferson we talked about this" She says sternly. "You aren't allowed to do stuff like this, It's rude and you'll get other kids hurt."

"Well sometimes they deserve it" Jefferson mutters. "What was that Thomas?!"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Washington... Sorry Laffy" Jefferson leans in going to give him a hug. " I didn't mean to hurt you"

"And? who else do you have to say sorry to?" Jefferson glares at Alexander "And I'm sorry.... Alexander." He tries not to gag at the name. "It was an accident.."  

"No it wasn't-"

"Thank you, Now are you going to stop hugging Lafayette so you can hug-"

"No"

"Ok then.. Lafayette come with me so I can help you with your nose."

As Mrs. Martha leaves with Lafayette, Jefferson quickly grabs Alex by the collar. "Pull a dumb stunt like that again I will hurt you bad. Understand?" Alex doesn't answer he only glares for a while until he feels someone pull him away from Jefferson.

"Hey are you ok?" Laurens worries. "He didn't hurt you right?"

"Nuh-uh, He didn't get the chance." Laurens' eyes light up in admiration. "O-ok let's play pirates until Lafayette comes back."

Alex smiles, then takes one more look at Jefferson who went back to the bean bag. Daycare is going to be fun.

I just want to say Mrs. Martha and Mrs. Washington are the same person.

[magpiefrankie]

I was in Lidl today and suddenly thought of a new doctor who headcanon so now I'm gonna share it and also some others because why not?!

- The Doctor has become something like a cryptid in the UK. With various people over the centuries having written accounts of this mysterious character known only as 'The Doctor', a person who wherever they travel, chaos is sure to follow. It's known that they travel in 'The Blue Box', and is almost always seen alongside one or more people they call their 'companions'. People claim to have met the doctor, that they saw a man in a long coat appear from a box that wasn't there a second ago. I also like to imagine former companions(especially Jack)giving fake anecdotes about their time with the Doctor, just for fun. The Doctor sees them and sometimes can't even remember if it's true or not. People from America travel over in hopes of spotting this mysterious Doctor. People see a man in a trench coat and either run for their fucking lives because they know shits about to go down, or they try to follow and join in because?? Magic blue box and chaos?? Fun!! Oh hey, you remember that girl Rose who straight up disappeared from the flat below you? You always think you notice a blue box in the corner of your eye as you walked into the building, and there was always a strange whining sound that was too mechanical to be pipes but sounds like nothing you've ever heard before. Yeah, it's because she was taken by the Doctor, chosen to be their companion, destined to leave one day and never be seen again. The missing posters come down but the people never come back. Peoples opinions vary on this shape-changing being - Parents warn their young girls to stay away from the Doctor, lest they get abducted, stolen away in the night. Teenagers try to find them, desperate to get away from their boring lives and overbearing parents and have a little adventure. Grandparents tell the kids personal accounts - the time their sister was saved by the Doctor, the time they thought they saw a blue box on the corner of the street but when they tried to look for it they couldn't see it.

- Everyone is Very Aware of aliens, it's just one of those things that you don't talk about. It's always bothered me how nearly every time a human sees a Dalek in newer episodes they go 'oh wow, what could this be? I have ever seen this before in my life!' as if millions of Daleks didn't get released above London and then sucked back into Canary Wharf where they magically disappeared from? Or like how Daleks are in the streets...very often. Or when that huge stadium of people straight up disappeared during the London Olympics then came back a bit later and it was never explained? Or how they all lived with what they thought where ghosts for an amount of time I don't remember but it was long enough anyway, and then those 'ghosts' became metal men? And the metal men?? Appear a lot?? Like in that one with Missy and they're all on the streets?? You'd think someone would go 'oh hey look is that thing I thought was my dead great aunt carol a few years back, what the fuck?'. At this point, I'm sure every person in the UK should be related to someone who died of alien related causes. And hey, remember the huge spaceship above London that time? And that other time? And the time the spaceship broke Big Ben? Or the time the Christmas star of death zapped a load of people? I think I've made my point - people know about aliens. So I'm gonna say that everyone is fully aware of aliens, they just...don't talk about it. It's a Thing.

- The TARDIS can control who the perception filter works on. This isn't really a big thing, just a little continuity issue I noticed, and maybe there was an explanation but if there is then I missed it. Please correct me if I'm wrong! But if you remember when Ten created the perception filters using the TARDIS keys for him, Jack and Martha - Martha knew of the effects of a perception filter, but she still couldn't help its effects in her. Yet the companions suddenly gain the ability to always see the TARDIS once they join the Doctor. Even though, using the same logic, they should still have their perception shifted despite knowing it is there. The way Martha puts it, she says 'it's like I know you're there, but I don't wanna know' or something similar to that. So conclusion - the TARDIS can decide if it wants people to see her. We know that she/it is sentient and conscious, so I don't see why not!

- So we know that due to the nature of Timelords, they don't really have a concept of gender like we do. Their biological sex is changeable, and because of that they don't have the same social constructs as we do. So, the reason they refer to themselves as male or female to humans is because of our own perceptions of gender, and the TARDIS translates it to be what would seem natural to us. So a male presenting doctor would call himself he, and female presenting would call herself she, because that is how we as humans perceive them. I imagine in Gallifreyan they maybe don't have separate pronouns, only one. I also imagine that 'Timelord' is just a very literal translation of their actual title, just because...well for one it's in English, which makes no sense, and also it's such an obnoxious title ahshsjsj.

- Sometimes the Doctor checks in on Donna to make sure she's okay. They still feel guilty about wiping her memory, even though it saved her life, so maybe they help her out in whatever little ways they can anonymously. Yaz asks Thirteen who the seemingly unimportant woman she's so interested in is, and Thirteen just smiles sadly and says 'An old friend'.

- The timeless child didn't happen. Pretty self explanatory - I just hate it, so I pretend it doesn't exist! Yay!

- Oh also the way I see Thirteen and her companions in my head is so different to how they're actually written because...Chibnall bad. MY Thirteen would never hand someone over the the bloody N*z*s, no matter what they had done, let alone someone they'd known their (very long) life and had loved? MY Thirteen wouldn't brush of Graham's fear about his cancer returning, nor would she support the hugeass Amazon metaphor (also when she blows up that guy, after giving him like a seconds warning?? What?!?). It actually hurts listening to Twelves goodbye speech and then watching Thirteens portrayal. The basis of their character is that they're kind, they do they best they can and they always help those in need. Twelve wouldn't have gone 'Oh no, I don't know what to say, silly old me, I'm so socially awkward bye' if someone he cared about came to him with their fears, because he can be silly and awkward and 'why are you wearing heels, do you need to reach a shelf?', but not when it's something like that. Also why is she so awkward? The Doctor has always been weird, but the difference is that in the past they have always known that they're weird and literally put it in just to embarrass/confuse people. And yeah, sometimes the Doctor genuinely doesn't understand 'human things'. But they do know how to act normal? The Doctor is perfectly capable of appearing human if they really needed to, but they have no problem saying shit to confuse people. But when Thirteen is awkward, she's just...cringeworthy awkward.

Sorry if my wording is bad and some of my memories of episodes are a bit wrong! I didn't check sources or anything I'm really just rambling here. This got way longer than I intended so well done(!!!) if you bothered to read all of it.

(I know my pronouns are all over the place, but when talking about the Doctor I tend to use 'they' when speaking of not any specific Doctor, and then 'she' for Thirteen and 'he' for the others.)

[pawacelsus]

Junia analysis?? Pls I’m be g g i n g you lemme hear your thoughts on bi nun waifu

OKAY SO you are enabling me and thank you Very much okay

this is gonna be PRETTY FUCKING RAMBLY and it’s gonna be KINDA FUCKING LONG in which case. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. gonna be under a read more because I suspect it’s gonna get very fucking dark but tbh it’s probably not anything you haven’t already heard/garnered from her barks

To start: TL;DR: I read Junia as being EXTREMELY young (no older than 25), suffering from pretty severe trauma from her childhood to now, has no true sense of self worth, and just... All in all is really fucking going through it.

I’m going to break this down into three aspects, the first primarily being her irrational barks. Something to keep in mind, the irrational barks... Well, they’re irrational. They’re not saying stuff that makes sense. But, in the Vestal’s (who will be referred to as Junia), we can see some snippets of her past in between the gibberish. We get a glimpse into how she views her fellow sisters, how she was treated, and how she might’ve very well become a nun.

To begin, the first batch of barks I find interesting revolve around “the pigs of St. Martha’s.” As listed here:

we can see her view of them is... Far from positive. She refers to them as pigs twice, mentions one by name if only to insult her, and there are far many more where she says things about them in a fearful tone. Obviously, she isn’t quite a fan. To further this, I draw your attention to the aforementioned “fearful tone,” involving her view of Mother Superior and what went on:

(While not irrational, I still find it interesting that she finds no fault in this fact (masochistic camping barks, if you are curious where this comes from))

So, quite obviously Junia suffered some extent of abuse from the Convent, and one might argue equally at the hands of her Sisters as well as the(?) Mother Superior. And this is only from the irrational barks. I choose to read them as “I have experienced such extreme stress that my walls and attempts to look normal have failed and I am now blurting memories from my trauma,” but you might choose to dismiss them as... Irrational. And that’s understandable. But, I wish to remain here as we look a bit more to her familial relationship.

In such an area, one bark stands out the most to me:

Knowing that Junia has no truly fond memories of the convent (that we know of), Junia calling out for her parents and saying “Too late!” makes me wonder what might’ve happened. Was she truly taken away? Or was she so young that her childish brain simply caused her to believe she was taken and her parents must’ve fought for her back, but they were simply too late. We can’t really tell. Still within irrational, I point us now to:

Important thing to note, this happens while she is damaging herself. Actively harming herself, while saying she will be no “mother” of any kind. Junia with mommy issues confirmed 2021? Jokes aside, I take this as Junia lacking any sort of positive mother figure, to the point of fearing such a thought. But I digress, that’s a bit off topic.

So, we have now established that, to be frank, Junia’s time in the convent sucked ass. To hopefully drive my point home, I have one final irrational bark:

This line has bothered me, because to this day I am left horrified of what might’ve been asked. I will not elaborate, as what I project personally with that line is for me alone.

Moving on.

Junia’s age is something that I have decided for myself based upon one bark and lots of thought. The bark in question:

Could also be used to prove that she has absolutely no sense of self esteem. She says it herself, she isn’t a hero. She’s just a child. Could she be simply referring to herself metaphorically? That’s... Probably what’s happening. But Junia being extremely young makes me sadder so that’s what I go with. There’s little else to add to this point.

In truth, there’s only one more thing I like to note, which is her constant reference to her work under the Light as slavery. Back to the previous barks I mentioned where she talks about being “taken,” I find it interesting how there are several times where she talks about slavery, all within different afflictions:

The reason this intrigues me is that, if this isn’t confined to one single type of bark (only irrational or only hopeless), then the thoughts must be somewhat strong, yes? But I digress.

As some ending thoughts, I just want to say that I didn’t cover her EXTREMELY common references to being, for lack of a better term, “unvirtuous” because... I think it just takes one look to know that the religious trauma and the extreme guilt for fucking breathing is strong with this one. This isn’t really an “essay” or well formatted, I just tried to talk a bit neater this time around. And, again, I don’t think this is any new revelations, this is just how I enjoy seeing her. I like Junia being an extremely young yet aged-beyond-her-years girl who has gone through shit but hides it. I also like to imagine her and Paracelsus bonding over “shitty adolescent years” because do not get me STARTED on all my shit for Para.

Anyways Junia is my favorite character, she deserves so much better, I want to give her a hug, a warm blanket, some hot coco and a nice movie so she can fucking relax, 

and of course I see her as bisexual and like to imagine in a more lighthearted way that she comes to terms with her sexuality with the help of her fellow adventurers and comes to Actual Terms that what the convent did to her was REALLY fucked up. Junia recovery story when. Junia learning she has worth outside her dedication to her religion when. 

[simply-ellas-stuff]

My thoughts on Zack Snyder's Justice League because I watched it

The opening sequence, bc even tho the repeated scream audio was stuipid this opening was better

The new meeting between batman and Aquaman - that drawing on the wall in the og was unnecessary

Diana's extra badassery

The design of Stephen Wolf, because now he actually looks scaryish

The Queens emotions about losing her sisters of Themyscira - QUEENS DON'T JUST SEND THEIR PEOPLE INTO BATTLE EMOTIONLESSLY THESE SCENES WERE NEEDED - FUCK

THE BIGGER WITH IN THEMYSCIRA WHY THE FUCK DID THEY CUT THAT OUT?! - oh right, its because the previous director is sexist as fuck,

Stephen Wolf's Daddy Issues because that's fucking hilarious

Bruce explaining his want to find everyone bc of his promise

The close up on the fly things because that actually made it scary

THE FUCKING LIGHTING CEREMONY IN THEMESCERIA HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT

Diana's extra badassery after getting the Arrow because WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT CUT?! This explains SO MUCH about how Diana knows SO MUCH about a time she wasn't alive in and I have NO FUCKING CLUE why it was cut!?

Arthur Curry is a Stripper - Confirmed!

Arthur and his trainer talking, but idfk why they kept the bubble thing Although I do like that they clarify that it's not just Mera who can do that bubble thingy

The scene between Stephen Wolf and the stone-wall dude person was cool and it explained why Stephen Wolf was so desperate

Zeus, Ares, and Artemis prepped for battle along with Poseidon in the flashback was FUCKING AWESOME!!! Diana's Aunt as well, the shows of the Green Lanterns, and the ring returning to the planet [Although they should've named Artemis, bc she can easily be mistaken for Athena - Also; Artemis' roman equivalent in the goddess Diana ]

Darkseid being in the flashback, which explains a lot

The Gods vs Darkseid was FUCKING AWESOME

Barry's awkward rambling after running into Iris

ALSO IRIS FUCKING WEST!!!

The Big Belly Burger Reference, nicely done

My dad says Iris' car is beautiful

BARRY SAVED IRIS BITCHES

The slow-mo crash gave me anxiety

My dad says, "I know you got all the time in the world but c'mon this is ridiculous" about that scene then "That beautiful car..."

THE SCENE WITH STEPHEN WOLF AND THE ALTLANTIAN MAKES EVERYTHING MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK DID STEPHEN WOLF KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MOTHER BOX IN ATLANTIS

Do. Not. Make. Diana. And. Bruce. Romantic. Don't. Fucking. Do. It.

The use of slow-mo is kind of redundant

Victor being fucking AMAZING even tho he's getting in trouble at school

Victor and Mama's discussion gives some life to the 2-Dlike Cyborg from the og movie, WHY THE FUCK WAS IT CUT?!

Victor's inner-world where he's still fully human

Barry being sarcastic as fuck towards his father lmfao

"Very attractive Jewish boy"

The reference to Grodd YAAAAAAAS

I still hate that Barry's lightning is blue and not red

The explanation of the Speedforce and Snacks

"What are your super powers again?" "I'm Rich" Still one of the best lines

I love Diana's shirt in the scene with Alfred

"Looks like you have a date, Ms. Prince" lmfao - Unless his name is Steve, I doubt it

I feel like Victor and Diana would be a good brother/sister duo, ngl

Burying the fucking box at your mothers grave was the stupidest shit I have ever fucking seen Victor.

COMMISIONER GORDON HELL YES

Barry's utter fail at being normal around Diana

The underwater click-like dolphin speak was cool, but still kinda dumb knowing that later Aquaman speaks underwater just fine - ngl

Nice Liquidkinetics, Mera. Amber you're still a cunt.

Also, Mera says her parents died - Wasn't her father alive in Aquaman??

Victor seeing the bat-signal explains how he knew how to find them, honest

The badass entry of Bruce, Diana, and Barry makes me laugh

Barry is far too close to Bruce

Victor scared Barry LMFAOOOO

If Victor's father is the head of STAR Labs where the fuck is Harrison Wells?????

THEY LEFT BARRY BEHIND, ASSHOLES

Diana's annoyance at Barry running ahead is such a Mom thing

Stephen using the bug thing makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE

Diana trying to make a plan and it getting ruined fits with the exasperated Mom theme she's got going on.

THE SONG HEN DIANA GOES AGAINST STEPHEN WOLF, THE FUCKING VOCALS ALONG MAKE ME HYPE AS SHIIIIIIIIT

"I Belong To No One" I FUCKING LOVE IT

HEEEEEEEEELL of a push Barry lmfaooo

"Thank you Alfred" "Don't mention it" Mans is bored of your shit

"Sword Lady" LMFAOOOOOOO

Diana's x-move thing against Stephen Wolf YAAAAAAAAS BITCH

Diana saving Barry's ass - Accurate!

Victor taking over the Crawler makes more sense this way, honest

OKAY YOU AN ACTUALLY SEE AQUAMAN IN THE WATER AND IT MAKES IT MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE

That jump onto the crawler was smooth as fuck Diana!

Stephen Wolf getting visions from the boxes also explains a lot about some shit

"I know the requirements, I wrote them" Suuuuuuubtle lmfaoo

Victor brining the box them also fits better

Why is this Stone looking mother fucker speaking Latin?

Hello Darkseid, you look particularly dramatic this evening

Victor's explaining how he knows about the box makes a lot of sense, why was this cut again??

Actually explaining the fucking Mother Box was Helpful

Mrs. Kent and Lois having a heart to heart holy shiiiit

Martha talking about how Clark's death was drowned out by Superman's - wooow

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH MARTHA'S EYES IS THAT J'ONN J'ONZZ?! THATS THE MARTIAN MANHUNTER HOLY FUCK IT'S J'ONN J'ONZZ

Ironic that Ezra-Flash's hero is Superman while Grant Gustin's hero is superman lmfao

Diana and Arthur chatting was cute, the quote was awesome and the Atlantians totally copped that quote from the Amazonians

Alfred being a sarcastic fuck is my favorite

Alfred being the voice of reason, as always

Arthur helping Barry pick a hat is AMAZING

Diana telling the boys to change, mom or big sister?? lmfaoo

Barry's social awkwardness gives me second hand embarrassment

This little infiltration arc makes SO MUCH more fucking sense

Every one being suited up and triggering the alarm is amazing

Mr. Stone fucking trusting his son is my faaaaaavorite

THE SUITS ACTIVATED AND CAME OUT WHEN CLARK WAS MOVED PAST THEM DUDE WTF

IS LOIS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Barry looks like he's about to throw up

BARRY HAS ALREADY TIME TRAVELLED THAT LINE SHOULDVE BEEN KEPT IN

Arthur being antsy about not doing the resurrection makes so much sense

VICTOR SEEING A POSSIBLE FUTURE IS THE BEST SHIT

I love vision-Diana's Norse burial

EVIL VISION-SUPERMAN DUDE CMON

THE MISUNDERSTANDING MAKES THIS WORSE AND BETTER AT THE SAME TIME

HE REVERSED TIME WHEN HE RESURRECTED SUPERMAN WHAAAAAAAAT

The Military arriving was a sensible addition

The fancy ass dramatic ass arrival of Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Flash, and Cyborg when Superman gets to the monument is hilarious

Victor loosing control is the woooooorst

The Lasso of Truth almost got through to him but he's a stubborn fuck

Superman functioning in Flashtime is something I will never understand

Yeah lets shoot at the guy whose indestructible, right

"you should probably move" LMFAOOOO

Batman v. Superman part 2 insert eye roll here

headbutts like children - and that's cheating on the playground Clark.

Heat vision makes so much more sense than "do you bleed?"

Lois coming in cluuuuutch

I like Lois' appearance better than Alfred bringing her, it fits Lois better

Arthur and Barry now have rivalry lmfaooo

Mr. Stone being obsessed with the mother box is annoying as fuck

Mr. Stone is an idiot and he should've fucking left the box alone

That was a horrible death why was that necessary?!

Arthur being a pessimist in this movie is honestly hilarious, tho why is he anti-love??

Barry being surprised at Batman's richness is never not funny

"I'll take that as a yes" okay Clark, don't show off

IS LOIS PREGNANT OR NOT?!

"Its really me Ma" Best scene of the whole fucking movie

Barry and Arthur heart-to -heart "I thought you didn't car" "I never said that" BUILD THIS FRIENDSHIP

BRUCE TELLS DIANA OF THE VISION

Bruce talking about faith never bodes well

THE QUEEN LOOKS BEAUTIFUL

"uh with the power of love" "Barry" LMFAOOOOOO

THE KRYPTONIAN SUITS LOOK AMAZING

Since when does Superman have Geokinesis??

I LOVE HOW BOTH OF HIS FATHERS ARE TALKING TO HIM I FUCKING LOVE IT

THE SUIT UP SCENE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME IT LOOKS AWESOME

"just have to knock a little louder" Well, that's one way to knock Bruce

Nice crash boy

Straight up sounded like "Loud and queer" lmfaoooo

Diana leading the teeeeeeeaaaam Hell Yes!

I do miss the "I think we're all gonna die" lasso-Arthur scene tho. it was stupid - but funny.

DIANA COMING IN FOR THAT SLICE AND DICE BAYBEEEEY

THE TEAM SHOOOOT YES totally taken from Marvel but fuck did it look good

"you really are out of your mind" says the idiot who talks to fish

"not done yet" vs "your welcome" I like the second one better

Glorious hair Arthur lmfaoo

Fucking chair eject

NICE SHISH-KA-BOB ARTHUR FUCK

Alfred doesn't even fucking blink when Clark arrives

ARTHURS TRIDENT DOES THE WAVY THING ON LAND TOO BROOOO

Oh yeah, step back for the demi-god princess

DONT PISS OFF DIANA AND DO NOT USE HER FAMILY TO FUCK WITH HER IT NEVER ENDS WELL

The familiar flash buildup power ring will never not make me happy

Daaaaaayum Diana!!

Nice catch Arthur

Diana knows her mother and sisters are alive bc they sent the arrow to her, so why is he even trying it??

NICE SAVE SUPERMAN!!

"Not impressed" Smooooooth

THAT FINAL BATTLE IS FUCKING AWESOME

TIME TRAVEL

BADASS DIANA WITH THAT DEPCAPITATION

You sent Today at 5:44 PM

Them all standing there was straight up "Fuck with us, I dare you"

The epilogue was great but that dream was confusing, are we doing Alt-universe shit??

MARTIAN MOTHER FUCKING MANHUNTER BITCHEEEEEEEEEEZZ

IS LOIS PREGNANT OR NOT?!

[pansexualseaanimals]

Chapter 9 Sneak Peeks ‘Cause You Deserve It

Hey guess what? I’m still alive! I haven’t been writing for a while because these past few chapters have kind of been making me face things about my own life that I hadn’t given due time to address and manage (especially Pyxis and Rory’s thoughts on how parents can “love you but not want you”, and stuff said by multiple people in chapter 9, the one I’m still writing) so I kinda just dealt with those thoughts and came to conclusions and stuff in my own mind while I endlessly binged anime and video games. Not that I don’t normally do that, mind you, but I did it a lot more and not much else.

Luckily, I live in a wonderful gorgeous apartment in my favorite town I’ve ever lived in (the only town I’ve ever called home, in fact! At least, in this world!) and it’s super comfortable and I live with my best friend who is way too good of a roommate if I must be frank - I’d rather be Columbia, honestly - and life has been relatively super good, so like. Don’t worry! I’m so happy in my life the way it is! I’m back home in the Midwest, surrounded by beauty and friends who’ve helped me out more than I could ever ask (but I did, let’s not lie lol) and... I still have depression and I’m working on that and planning on getting a doctor soon, but... I’m starting new good habits, getting into things I’ve been wanting to try, and yeah... I’m rambling at this point so I’ll make the rest quick.

I wanted to give sneak peeks because it’s been SO LONG and I don’t know how many people really actually read this thing? Like, “I’m excited that there’s a new chapter” kind of peeps? But no matter how few there are, you guys all deserve something nice, and this was all I could think of. Instead of just posting one scene, I’ll post a few clips from a bunch of scenes. Everything is subject to change as I keep writing, so it might not match the finished product, but... That just means you guys are extra-special! Heehee! ^__^ 

Excerpts are below the read-more cut. Hope it’s enjoyable! 

\/\/\/\/\/

"Oh, I've got twenty-five coins for the sea show clanking in the backseat, whoa-oh. I've got thirty-two seashells lined up in a row..." Caurel happily sang as she covered the turquoise side in pink, pausing and hiding in a corner when she noticed Zebra rising out of the spawn pool. The younger Inkling, hesitant, flung her brush wildly to cover the pink ink and swam forward, repeating the process every few feet. When she dropped down to the valley, she triggered another Ink Mine, this time getting away just quickly enough.

  "Not falling for that again," they sighed... right before Caurel popped out of her corner and slashed her brush at her, sending her floating right back to the spawn point. Unable to keep from giggling, Caurel re-inked the entrance ramp and climbed up to the higher level, brushing quickly down the alley as Zebra respawned again.

  "And I'll swim, swim, swim, to my darling Martha... And let her lay me down in the bay where the warm winds blow~"

  "Are we singing the same song?" Penny shouted from the audience, loud enough to be heard over the stage music.

"'Martha's Bay' by the Seagulls?" Caurel shouted back for confirmation.

"I knew it! Ahhh, I love you!"

"I love you, too, Butterfly!"

"Boooo!" Rocky shouted as he took out Thresher. "Get a room!"

  "But their love for each other is like our love," Ankyr said with a wink.

"You really are a sea turtle."

  "Hey, only Pyxis can call me-" SPLASH! Ankyr fell prey to Bonnet's Heavy Splatling.

"FOR ANKYR!" Rocky jumped up and flung his roller down before rolling toward Bonnet - and getting caught in a freshly thrown Splash Wall.

  "I love it when he does that," Tiger squeaked.

\/\/\/\/\/

"What took you so long? Why did you trade Ankyr for these randos?"

"Rocky," Caurel sighed. "They're the friends we were supposed to meet today, remember?"

"Oh..."

"Guys, this is Rocky, our squad's leader," Pyxis laughed.

  "Nice to meet you," Carina said, stepping forward to shake Rocky's hand. "Don't worry, my 'boyfriend' will be back soon."

  "'BOYFRIEND'?" The entire crowd turned their attention to the charismatic newcomer.

  "It's just an inside joke," Pyxis hastily assured them. "You'd just have to be there."

"Yeah, he kind of saved me a lot of hassle," Carina shrugged.

  "My Sunshine has inside jokes with people I don't know," Moises thought out loud. "Not sure how I feel about this..."

"Well, you know us now," Hans piped up. "She's Carina, I'm Hans, this here is Shera, and the rude guy is Cygnus."

"I haven't said anything rude yet!"

"We all know you will," Shera said as she scooched over to Abbey. "So, what's your name?"

"I'm aromantic," Abbey said between sips of coffee. Their friends howled with laughter in the background.

"Aw, that's too bad... Are you... asexual, too?"

"They're not sex-repulsed, if that's what you mean," Pyxis jumped in. "That's not what asexual means, though."

"Sweet little Pyxis," Cygnus chuckled, patting his friend on the head. "Always here to educate her friends."

"...You mean their friends," Rocky corrected.

  "What? No. You too? Are all Squids okay with the whole fluid-gender thing?"

"You didn't even last five minutes," Hans sighed, covering his face with his palm.

  "Look, she was born with lady-parts, am I wrong or am I right?"

"Here's what I know," Rocky began slowly, stepping closer to the Octoling and staring him in the eye. "This particular group of friends respects what people choose to call themselves. When you're with us, you refer to Pyxis as they/them. If you can't handle that, you can swim back home."

"ROCKY!" Caurel grabbed her brother's arm and yanked him down to sit beside her. "They're our guests!"

"And Pyxis is family," he bit back. "Which is more important to you?"

"Wow, they really worship you around here," Cygnus laughed, turning to leave. "Do they even really know you? Your history? What have you been telling them?"

"Cygnus, get back here and act your age," Carina commanded.

"No thanks, Your Majesty."

  The crowd was hushed for some time, the noises of the audience around them and the battle down below, permeating their silent space.

  "Sorry about that," Carina finally spoke up. "I told him to behave himself. But he's... how do you say... stuck in his ways."

"He's only twenty-two," Shera rolled her eyes. "He's just a stubborn pufferfish."

"You okay, honey?" Hans asked Pyxis, who was too busy processing their own thoughts to realize they should answer.

"...I'm family?"

\/\/\/\/\/

And now, here’s Shera going goo-goo over more Inklings

---

“Vanilla? Is that a brand, or...?"

"Oh no, I just mean, the original one."

"So... Vanilla means original?"

"The basic form of something, yes. Regular. It's just slang."

"Who's the person with the gatling?"

"Ah, that's Pixie with the Zink Mini Splatling. Disruptor and Bubbler."

"Pixie..." Shera turned to where Pyxis was seated. "PIXIE!"

  "Yes?"

"I can never call you Pixie again! That's the name of my new future wife!" Ecto and Thresher couldn't help but laugh.

"...Glad to hear it?"

"She's actually dating Ty right now," Tandy pointed out. "Sorry, you'll have to look elsewhere."

"Darn."

"Great Overseer," Carina sighed. "Why are you so thirsty today?"

"I dunno, Queenie," Shera shrugged and shook her head. "Look. I had no idea Squidlings could be so attractive, okay?"

"I mean, she's not wrong," Hans laughed. "The first time I saw Ankyr..."

"YOU CAN DO IT, GUYS!" Pyxis suddenly stood up and cheered as loud as they could.

\/\/\/\/\/

And now for some good parents! Specifically, Ecto’s dads. Well, one of them. The other is busy playing Pokémon with Caurel and co. in the living room at this moment. They haven’t been mentioned much so far, but they’re great friends with the Waters (Waters’? Waterss?) ever since all the families met, and Rocky and Caurel hang out with them a lot.

---

"That's because you can look back on the past, apply your knowledge of the present, and cook up a better future for yourself. A new happiness. Again, one that won't last forever. And maybe it's not perfect. Maybe you burn your tongue. Maybe you let it go cold without realizing. But there'll always be more soup."

"You just have an answer for everything, don't you?" Rocky scoffed, throwing more tomatoes into the pot.

  "Not quite. There's one thing I've always wondered."

"The secret of life?"

"Nah, figured that out in college."

"What? No. Shut up." The two shared a laugh. Mister Plasma reduced the burner's heat and placed a lid on the pot, before turning to Rocky.

  "Back when you were in Coral Reef's boat... Why didn't you say anything?"

  "Well..." Rocky took a moment to continue. "Figured there wasn't any point, I guess. Can't help it if the person you have a crush on is gay. Like, if Pop was het, you wouldn't have the love of your life."

"Well I'm glad that's not the case," he said with a short laugh, before frowning and patting Rocky on the head. "Sorry, hon."

"It's fine. That's one of those 'just move on' parts in life. So I did."

"Ah..."

"Happened with Ankyr, too. But that was back when we were super tiny. Like.. That's a different kind of love. Baby love, I guess. But then again, we thought Ankyr was a girl back then. That was easier to move on from."

  "You just can't catch a break," Dad laughed. "Anyone on your mind these days?" Rocky thought a while before answering.

"I... Not really. I don't know, Oji. Guess I'm kind of giving up for now. I just wanna cook and take care of the ocean. Those are my loves. Well, I'll never get tired of Turf War either. I guess... that's it."

"And that's A-okay," the adult Inkling nodded, before yelling "COME AND GET IT!" There was a multitude of shuffling sounds from the living room as the young adults made their way to the kitchen. "Come see us any time," he said again. "We'll always be here for you."

\/\/\/\/\/

And that’s all I have for you here today, I wanna stop myself before I give away more than I might have given away... But yeah, working on that slowly but surely now. I was already about halfway-ish done with the chapter before I fell off, I think? Depends if I think of adding any more scenes than what’s already planned. So, look forward to that soon! Catch you on the flip side~

P.S.: As a reminder, this is the second-to-last chapter I’m writing; after 10 is over, we’ll be moving on to the second book in the series, which will hopefully have much better pacing and will definitely be a lot different, but still be about the lives of Pyxis, Ankyr, and their loved ones - that will never change. Some of your favorite characters might not be around as much in book 2, some might get a spotlight where they hadn’t before, and of course we’ll meet lots of new friends, and you’ll just have to decide what you think of each of them. :3 But I hope you have fun. Regardless of anything, thanks for reading. If you’ve read any of Look Alive, Sunshine, you have my Heart Containers, and my eternal gratitude. Please let me know what you think, if you’ve got the time. Love & hugs!

[racebox-of-higgars]

//plops down at table with three notebooks//

Good evening.

You shall now be the subject of my rambling and info-dumping, seeing as you have recently reblogged a post about invading your ask box to do just that.

So, buckle up, my beloved mutual, for I am about to talk your damn ears off.

We all know historians are heterosexist shabuire, yes? Yes? Good. So I've taken it upon myself to send an f-you to all of them and collect evidence for one of the historically accurate ships they so desperately try to erase. The one in question here is, of course, Alexander Hamilton x John Laurens, or more commonly known as Lams.

I've done... a lot of research, to put it mildly. And yes, as a matter of fact, I do consider reading letters from the late 1700s and screaming because I can feel my heart MELTING as research.

Anygay, there's a lot that I have right now so I'll just hit the highlights, because if I go completely in-depth with everything I've found, this'll be thousands of words longer.

The year is 1779. The month, April. The date... unknown. Which sucks. Alexander and John have fought together for years at this point and are very close... friends. This is the first time they've been truly separated. The letter open with:

"Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that ’till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me."

So pretty much what this opening paragraph is saying is this: "*Sexual innuendo* And I'll keep telling you that until you die. So you know I hate everyone and don't want to have any attachments to anyone. But you've managed to worm your way into my heart, even though I didn't want it. So now that you've done it, please keep doing it, for you if not for me."

Now that's just hella gay. Like, hella fucking gay.

The middle paragraphs are mainly talk about the war, so skipping those for the end because that's when things get spicy as FUCK.

Alexander asks John to find him a wife and goes into great detail about exactly what he wants in a wife. I saw a theory somewhere (I can't remember where) that Alexander was actually describing John and yeah, it pretty much checks out. Keeping in mind deliberate irony is a thing.

So then he goes on to say: "...mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don't forget, that I ⟨– – – – –⟩." 'Nose' is a slang term. And the - - - - - are crossed out words. We'll get to those later.

The last sentence of this letter is: "I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend." and I find this. So. Sweet. He's pretty plainly missing John. And just- he uses the word intercourse. How- how is that platonic? This is gay. They're gay. It's gay.

In almost all the letters that survived, they're signed with "Yours", "Affectionately Yrs.", "Yrs most sincerely", "Yr affectionate", and "Yrs forever" from Alexander. "Adieu, my dear boy", "My love as usual", "You know the unalterable sentiments of your affectionate Laurens", and "Yours ever" all came from John, with the last being the most common. That's... also not terribly straight. Something additionally interesting is that John's father, Henry Laurens, called his wife, Elenor, "Dear girl." That would make it explicitly romantic in his eyes. John also called his wife that in the only surviving letter from him to her. Oh yeah, he's married and has a kid, btw.

So pretty much how that happened was John's boyfriend Francis Kinloch broke up with him, he banged Martha probably 'cause he was sad and pissed and had a lot of feelings, she got pregnant, then he married her out of pity. Alexander knew none of that. And they were really close. The only reason he found out was because he happened to stumble upon some stuff he shouldn't have, and he was pissed. The whole paragraph about him detailing the wife he wanted? Pretty much petty payback.

Devoted is an interesting word, isn't it? Stronger than it's synonyms, such as caring or loyal. So if we skip ahead a few years, Alexander is engaged to Eliza. He tells John about this, John responds, and in his next letter he says: "...as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now." He's telling him, "Don't worry, I'll still love you as much as I always have. Just because I'm getting married, it doesn't change my feelings for you." Again. Heterosexual explanation? None.

" I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you and Meade." Keep in mind that at this point now, Alexander was married. And he didn't include his wife in the exemptions. Only John and one of his closest friends, Richard Meade. Dunno 'bout you, but that seems rather telling to me. He also says at the end: "My ravings are for your own bosom." And I can't. His ravings are for John's heart I can't.

These are just some of the highlights of my nearly six thousand word book on this subject. I would happily copy/paste it all, but I'm not gonna subject you to that XD For full viewing the link is here, should you wish to listen to me ramble and rant in more detail.

Thank you for allowing me to dump this all on your lap, and I shall now bid you adieu. //vanishes back into the shadows//

HI, sorry it took me so long to answer this, I’ve had a pretty full-on day. 

This was actually super interesting to read. I actually did a little bit of research into this about a year ago, when I was writing Lams fanfiction, so I knew about the ‘cold in my professions, warm in my friendships” letter, but not any of the others, so thanks for this!! It was a really fascinating read, and I definitely learned a lot from reading it. Have a good day :)

[gypsydanger01]

THE STORM - Part seventeen

Fandom: The Boys (Amazon prime tv series)

Pairing: Black Noir x OC

Disclaimer: I don’t own The Boys, only my OC characters and certain pieces of au plot.

Comments, reviews, constructive criticism, and other requests are always more than welcome!

  Harry’s Saloon

Once she stepped out of the elevator, Sarah immediately shot forward and down a deserted alley. She rapidly slid her suit off and changed into regular clothes. The woman couldn’t help the shivers wracking her body from the freezing air. That, paired with the cool numbness left by the surge of energy, kept her wide awake, still kicking. She slipped the wig off, letting her two French braids fall freely.

Shouldering her bag, she stuck to the shadows and took a few turns before emerging on a very busy street. She checked her watch. Eleven forty-five. She weaved through the crowd and began making her way to Harry’s Saloon.

She pushed on the heavy doors at its entrance and slipped into the warm interior. Scanning the area, she quickly found Martha who was waiting for her at a table in the back. She pointed her out to a waitress who nodded and allowed her past the counter. She finally sat down amid the clouds of smoke milling from other tables.

“Tell me why we chose this place again?”

Martha observed her, trying to gauge her friend’s mood and state of mind.

“Well, it is mysterious, and I find it interesting. Plus, everyone here is too busy smoking or getting high to listen to our conversation.” The blonde gestured behind her at the woman singing a smooth melody on stage, “And Gloria is just incredible.”

Sarah hummed in agreement. Gloria really was incredible. Her voice was beautiful and the melancholic melody she sung had a way of seeping into its listeners very being. It was moving.

Martha cut through her thoughts, “But that’s not why we’re here.”

The other woman agreed, “No, it is not.” She fiddled with the thumb drive in her pocket and gave a quick look at the surrounding tables. Nobody was paying them any attention, but she still felt exposed. She clasped her hands together and rested them on the table, leaving the device out of sight.

“Do you have it?”

“Yeah, I have it,” she hesitated, “but we need to check that it wasn’t damaged.”

Martha stilled, “What do you mean—”

“I got into an altercation at the archives, I’m sure it’ll be all over the news.”

The blonde fiddled with her bracelets, worry etched across her face.

“Oh God, that’s why you said you were going to disconnect it, and it was already out. Someone unplugged it—," she began to ramble before focusing on the important thing. “God, are you okay?”

Sarah waved it off, “I’m fine, just a bit shaken…,” she trailed off. “We knew there was a possibility that not all of them would be at the Gala—”

“—Fuck, it was one of them,” Martha grew agitated.

“—so, I wasn’t expecting it, but at the same time I kind of was.”

A waitress walked by and Sarah asked for some water and a sandwich. Martha ordered a beer.

The blonde looked like she’d fallen into a trance, staring at Sarah in a mixture of shock and admiration.

She leaned in and whispered, “Who was it?”

A few moments passed before the woman answered.

“It was Black Noir.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, while Sarah focused on staying awake. It had been a long time since she’d tapped into her abilities, and she was feeling it. She was drowsy and terribly hungry.

The sandwiches arrived, and they thanked the young waitress with kind smiles before returning to their brooding state. Sarah dove in and devoured the sandwich as delicately as possible. Sitting in front of her, Martha put the pieces together.

“You fought Black Noir,” she said, and Sarah couldn’t discern whether it was a question or affirmation.

Nonetheless, she nodded.

“Is he dead?”

Sarah stilled.

Martha reached out and grabbed her hand, forcing her friend to look at her.

“I see the signs, Sarah—” she sighed, “You look tired as hell, you’ve got some ashes on your face as if you’ve been in a fire, or explosion.”

“Plus, you’ve got the munchies,” she added with a smile. Still, she immediately grew serious. “Look, honestly I don’t care about him—we both know what he really is—"

Did they though?

“I care about you. I know how this takes its toll and I need to know how bad it was—it is.”

Sarah understood her preoccupation. Her abilities were such a wild card, it couldn’t be helped. Near the end of her stay at the Vought Clinic, the doctors had labeled her a ticking bomb. Her enhancement allowed her to manipulate energy and matter. They called it energy redistribution and were particularly interested in understanding the underlying mechanism which allowed her to do so. During testing, they found that she could transform potential energy into kinetic energy. This meant she could move, or violently destroy matter with the lightest touch. Her only limitation was the need for physical contact, and the ultimate uncontrollable nature of such powers.

She’d left the clinic before they could figure out how to stabilize them, and, once she’d gone, there was no need since the genes responsible for her enhancement had gone dormant.

Sarah recalled the fight. Noir.

“He’s alive and it wasn’t that bad,” Sarah searched for a way to reassure her friend. “I was in control; I knew what I was doing.”

Martha scanned her eyes and finally sighed in relief, “Thank God.”

Amid the smoke and sad melody wafting in the air, Sarah touched on the topic that would probably raise red flags.

“I’m not going in tomorrow; I’m going to call in sick.”

Martha almost choked on her drink. “Wait what?”

“I’m going to make a copy of the thumb drive for you to have, and make sure it wasn’t damaged.”

“Are you sure? They’re going to be looking for whoever did it, and you know they’ll probably be checking employees as well.”

“Well, we’ve been working there for a long time and,” she gestured to the saloon, “At the time of the break-in, we were enjoying Gloria’s singing at Harry’s Saloon.”

Martha seemed skeptical but ultimately agreed with her logic. They would probably investigate relatively new employees first, those with weaker ties and sense of loyalty to the company. Moreover, they’d changed some information in Sarah’s file so that she wouldn’t be a person of interest.

She didn’t know that Sarah was actually waiting to understand Noir’s position. Why did he give her the thumb drive, why did he stop fighting? During her time in training with Mallory, she’d witnessed his loyalty to the company in the unsolved crime scenes he’d left behind. After their time together, did he feel a certain loyalty towards her, as well? 

Where did he stand?

Martha concluded, “Well, phase one complete, motherfuckers.”

She clinked her beer with her friend’s glass of water. “Now we just let it play out and lay low. They won’t know what hit them.”

Sarah nodded, smiling with her friend. Still the relief she should have felt was tarnished by a lingering sense of dread. Why did he let her go? Was her cover blown?

Sarah retreated into her thoughts, which attacked her with the memories of their few times together. In those encounters, she'd felt warm, awake, protected. She realized with a blinding certainty that she felt for him, and while she wasn't sure what it was that made her heart ache at the thought of him, but she felt like they'd met for a reason.

She recalled it being something her mother would often say: everything happens for a reason.

Certain souls and people are meant to find each other within this messy and wild world. Everything has a reason.

What was theirs?

  MASTERLIST

Tag list: @ateliefloresdaprimavera @ellejo @dust-bun @coco724 ​  @proximio-5 @damiminator @omegahighendpro @rpgluvr95 @sweetrabbitteamx @rayray1463

[connan-l]

Flower Person

Fandom: The House in Fata Morgana

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationship: Maria Campanella/Iméon

Summary: Iméon wasn’t the kind of person to care about flowers and she never liked receiving these as gifts, but could she really refuses it when a pretty blond woman she doesn’t know show up on her doorstep with a bouquet of lilies? [Femslash February 2021 Day 24: Lily]

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Link on Archive of Our Own

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Notes: So, I admit I actually tend to headcanon Iméon as being nonbinary/trans masc, which wouldn’t really fit a femslash event, but well as far we know in FataMoru canon she still identifies as a woman. Another headcanon of mine is that Iméon does remember her past life even after being reincarnated (which is what happens in the short story ‘Tír na nÓg’), and I wrote the fic with that in mind. Also I know Iméon likely just goes by ‘Noémi’ in the modern era, but… weh, I’m too used to refer to her as ‘Iméon’ lol.

This takes place after Reincarnation so spoilers for all the games, and there are also brief references to the short story ‘Girl Hunt Girl.’ (If you don’t know about it, it’s just a very short post-Reincarnation story where Iméon meets Ceren in Paris by saving her from a conman.) And warning for slight drinking/alcohol, I guess.

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Iméon had never been a flower person.

It wasn’t like she hated them or anything, but she couldn’t really unsderstand what people found so captivating or pretty about these plants. They smelled nice, sometimes, she supposed — but that was the extent of the qualities she’d gave them.

She had told as much to Michel once when they stopped by a flower shop so he could buy a few roses for his wife — the fact this guy ended up getting married was still mind-boggling to her even months after she’d learned that fact — and he laughed, saying he used to think the same ‘back then’ but that now he couldn’t help but love them. He hadn’t explained to her how this change of heart happened, but Iméon could guess pretty easily it was also a courtesy of Giselle.

In any case, that was also why people never offered her flowers as gifts, either — the only time she could remember this happened was when she was maybe eight or so and her grandma had given her a bouquet of hydrangeas. Iméon had never been able to tell the absentminded sweet old lady that she couldn’t care less about those flecks of blue-purplish petals and she’d unfortunately had to keep them in her room against her will until they withered.

Tonight, however, would mark the second time of flower-offering she’d received in her life, because the first thing she saw upon opening the door after it rang twice was a huge bouquet of lilies, followed by a turf of messy, short blond hair and a pair of clear green eyes that popped out just barely above the white bell-shaped plants.

“So, okay, here’s the thing,” her visitor started, trying to speak clearly in spite of the enormous gift in her arms that was camouflaging almost all of her upper body. “That’s kind of a long story, but bear with me. There’s this dude where I work — a client — who sort of got a crush on me. Not, like, the creepy kind, but still pretty annoying. He hit on me a few times, and despite me trying to fucking tell him subtly, ‘Hey, dude, not interested, let it go,’ he brought me this tonight upon seeing me. I thought at first about throwing it away in the trash cause flowers are not my thing, you see? But then my boss — I mean Giselle, you know her too, right? — threw a damn fit, ‘bout how it wasn’t nice for him and those were such beautiful flowers or something, so I was like ‘then take them cause I don’t want this’ but she refused cause Michel is allergic to lilies or something and — who the fuck even is allergenic to goddamn lilies? Anyway, after that I—”

Iméon blinked incredulously, trying to makes sense of why there was a short irritated blond woman with a thick Italian accent she didn’t know in front of her who kept rambling on and on at her at eight in the evening. She seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t recall why — where had she seen her before?

“—asked my stupid childhood friend cause of course she’s the kind of gal who’s into flowers and stuff, except I forgot she was in Amsterdam to introduce her creepy boyfriend to her parents, but as a result the only person left was fucking Jacopo and I sure as hell wasn’t going to show up to this dumbass’ door to give him some lilies — and then it hit me; ‘Oh, there’s this chick who’s friends with Michel and Ceren and doesn’t live far away, so why not check her out!’ And so here I am.” She finally stopped and breathed in deeply. “So. Yeah. Want some lilies?”

The names of Michel and Ceren awakened Iméon’s memories and she realized it was, indeed, because of these two that this woman was familiar to her. More than a year ago, she had met Ceren by coincidence and helped her out of some trouble and since then they’d become good friends, and she managed to meet Michel again a few months later. Seeing her old friend from a past life neither of them should remember had been quite a shock — though a pleasant one — but discovering that somehow he’d gotten married to a bubbly lady and now lived in the same building as the goddamn little witch who’d messed around with them had been quite confusing. And to top it off, apparently Michel also knew Ceren because she herself was friends with said little witch. Fate really was a funny thing.

In any case, about three weeks ago she’d briefly gotten introduced to this woman by Giselle, but it had been a five minutes meeting so the encounter had quickly left her mind. If she recalled her name was… Martha? Marianne…? Mar—

“Oh, Maria,” she suddenly said out loud, snapping her fingers, and the woman frowned at her.

“What?”

“Your name. It’s Maria. Right?”

“Wait, you only now remembered who I was?”

“Yep.”

“Maria is like, the less forgettable name in the world? How did you do to forget that?”

“Sorry. I’m just not good with names. And faces. And people.”

A big silence propagated between the two of them, and then Iméon cleared her throat.

“You know… if you wanted to ask me out on a date, you could’ve just… said that. Or ask Michel my number or something.”

Maria arched an eyebrow at her, looking genuinely surprised. “What? Wait, no, that wasn’t… it’s not what it’s about.”

“No?”

“If I wanted to ask you out, I’d just do that. I’m not the kind of person to make excuse or beat around the bush.”

Iméon literally knew nothing about this woman, but somehow she could believe that.

“Oh. Okay. So it’s… really just about the lilies.”

“Yeah.” Maria marked a pause. “It did sounds less weird in my head when I thought about coming here. But I’m just, uh… a bit desperate to get rid of these.”

Iméon hummed thoughtfully and crossed her arms. Desperate was indeed quite an apt descriptor — her hair was all disheveled, her clothes unkempt and she appeared out of breath, as if she had run left and right for a long time to try to get someone who’d agree to take in the huge bouquet.

Iméon wasn’t a flower person, but… she didn’t mind accepting a few lilies for this one time.

“All right. I’ll take it,” she conceded, and Maria seemed so relieved to hear that it was almost comical.

Iméon gathered the flowers into her arms, the soft perfume tickling her nostrils and the petals brushing her cheeks, and then she turned around towards Maria once again. She was clearly about to leave and go down the stairs, but somehow Iméon felt a tinge of pity for her to have to yet again hurry to go home, so she grasped her wrist.

“Hey, no need to rush out of here. I was just about to eat something, so… Wanna have dinner with me?”

“What? Really?”

Iméon flashed her a smile. “Sure. I mean, you’re a friend of Michel, so I’d feel bad to just let you go home like that.”

Maria stared at her in silence for a while, as if hesitating, then returned her smile. “Oh well. Not like I had anything else to do anyway.”

And so the both of them stepped into the small two-room apartment together — the inside was a mess, to be honest, with various clothes and papers laying around, but Iméon didn’t care in the least and neither did Maria apparently as she threw herself on the couch without eve asking. Iméon somehow managed to install the lilies in an empty jar on the table, then tranquilly started to prepare their meal. The dinner only consisted of a quick reheat from yesterday’s leftovers and Iméon had always been far from being a super good cook, but it didn’t matter much as the room quickly got filled with cheerful chats and laughters. They talked about their common friends and then their jobs and movies and Maria’s home country, and while Iméon wouldn’t reveal too much about herself and was careful to keep her walls up even once they added a few beers in the mix, she had to admit she felt quite comfortable with this woman whom she couldn’t even remember the name a few hours prior.

Maria was a fun and easygoing person to talk to and despite her crude words and rough attitude she had a smile as bright as the sun, and it just felt nice to be around her.

“So you’ve only moved in here recently?” Maria asked.

“I don’t like to stay in a same place for too long. That’s just not in my blood. I travel a lot too, went to a bunch of different countries…”

“Hmm. I get that. I traveled around quite a bit too before coming to Paris.” She sighed, then stared vacantly at her beer. “I wonder if I should try going moving somewhere else again. I mean, I like it here, but…”

Maria fell silent, suddenly looking surprisingly melancholic. But in a way, Iméon felt she could understand that. She herself had spent most of her life jumping from a place to another ever since her parents kicked her out of the family house, and she liked living that way, but occasionally she wondered if it wouldn’t be best to find somewhere to truly settle in and call home. Maybe she envied Michel’s stable life a little bit for having this, or Ceren’s airheadness for never even questioning what the future might held in for her.

In that sense, she got the feeling Maria was more similar to her because of that. Weird, given she’d basically been a stranger to her only a few hours ago.

As Iméon was still lost in her thought, Maria abruptly rose up from her chair, almost knocking over the lilies from the table. “Oh, wow, fuck! I didn’t realize it had so damn gotten so late! I should go now.”

Iméon looked at the clock, and it was indeed already past three AM. She also had not noticed the time flee at all.

“You sure you don’t want to spend the night here?” Iméon asked while Maria hurriedly put on her coat. “I mean, we did drink quite a bit, and there’s no metro at this time…”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll call a taxi or something. Ugh, and tomorrow I have to work… I’m going to be a fucking mess and Giselle’s gonna have my head.”

“Giselle?” Iméon repeated, because she didn’t know Michel’s wife all that well but somehow she couldn’t picture her as the kind of employer who’d got angry at anyone.

“Yeah, she seems all cute and sweet like that, but she’s actually fucking scary and ultra perfectionist at work. Don’t let her fool you.”

“Huh… I’ll remember that.”

Maria grabbed her last beer and gobbled up all that was left of it in one shot, before quickly heading towards the door. She stopped her pace on the doorstep, however, and turned around towards Iméon.

“Thanks for tonight,” she said, smirking. “It was fun. Let’s do this again.”

“Sure. No problem.”

Maria stared at her, seemed to hesitate, then finally leaned forward and kissed her. It was a pretty brief kiss, lips only brushing against each other, but Iméon still hadn’t really expected it and she blinked back at her when she pulled back.

“I thought the bouquet wasn’t an excuse?”

“It wasn’t,” Maria argued. “That was just as thanks for the meal. Now, I really have to go, so see ya!”

She waved at her with a smug smirk, as if she was quite proud of herself for what she had just done, and then disappeared in the stairs. Iméon still felt pretty confused, but she was much too tired to try to think more about it.

So she got back inside her place, locked the door, and found herself face to face alone with the big bouquet of lilies.

For a brief second, she felt kind of bad for the guy who’d bought it for Maria in the first place, and it was kind of annoying she’d have to keep that bouquet until it wither away like her grandmother’s hydrangeas, but…

If it meant she’d get to have a fun evening dinner and a kiss from a hot Italian woman, maybe it had been worth it.

[schrijverr]

I Wrote My Own Deliverance

Chapter 5 out of 10

Alexander Hamilton is reborn as Alex Hambleton. He is desperate not to make the same mistakes twice, but it seems he is stuck in the narrative, unable to get out. Familiar faces pop up all around him as he attempts to keep his previous life a secret and write himself out of the story.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Washington’s project had been the last one before his finals for this semester, which meant that after the finals week he would be done with this year. His first year so far had been a success, he was on his way, the first steps had been set.

The last few weeks went by in a blur as he worked through stacks of books, typed thousands of words and worked himself to the bone only to collapse at the end of his finals, ready to sleep for the rest of time.

Sadly that was not in the cards and the campus would be closing over the summer break, leaving Alex without a place to stay if he didn’t start looking soon.

It was still playing heavily on his mind when he got a text from an unknown number: Martha wants to celebrate your successes this year. If you are free for dinner this Sunday. - G.Wash

His shoulders felt lighter as he excitedly typed out a reply: Tell her I would love to come over and see her again. A. Ham

He usually didn’t sign off his texts, but he was willing to do as Washington did to make the man more comfortable and it reminded him of times when he signed all letters like that. From love letters to slam dunks in the media to grievous notes to surviving family members.

Sunday crept up on him and soon he found himself in his nicest pair of clothing on the steps of a big house as he nervously knocked at the door. Washington had been cool about his decision, but Mama M had always been scarier and he wasn’t sure what would happen when she saw him again.

The door was opened by a beautiful woman with a kind smile, who asked: “Alexander?”

A smile split his face as he replied: “Mama M, it’s good to see your face.”

Immediately he was pulled through the door as Mama M wrapped him up into her arms, before patting him down and telling him he needed to eat more and was he sleeping alright?

When her assessment of him was done, she turned stern and berated: “Now, young man, what were you thinking? I would love to hear how you came to the conclusion you did and broke Eliza’s heart, she was always such a kind young woman.”

He’d seen it coming, but the words were still like a stab in his chest. He had never really forgiven himself for what he had done, even if Eliza had. The Reynolds Pamphlet was the biggest burden he carried and the reason he wanted to prove himself.

Last time he had proven himself worthy of the History Books, this time he would also prove himself worthy of kindness.

“I messed up, Mama M.” he decided on honesty, “I made a mistake and I’m taking this second chance at life to do better, but yeah, I messed up big time and I honestly have no excuses.”

Mama M gave him one more look, before her features softened again: “That was the best answer you could have given, dear. Now, come in. I made beef and I have some vanilla ice cream, are those still your favorites?”

“You know me so well.” Alex smiled as he followed her farther into her home, looking at the pictures on the walls and the old-fashioned décor.

“I see you passed her grilling.” it was very strange to see Washington, former President of the United States of America and now prestigious Professor, in jeans and a Tshirt.

“It would seem so, sir.” Alex grinned back.

“Good then you can go set the table.” Washington smiled.

The dinner was nice. It felt only weeks ago when he had last sat there, even though it was centuries in a different home, surrounded by different faces of the same people. It was familiar in a new way, how he rambled about his classes and Mama M talked about the law firm she worked at, making Alex ask even more questions.

Slowly the conversation turned to the past and the too short retirement Washington had gotten to enjoy. He sighed: “Ah well, life goes as it goes. And Martha and I still go to Virginia each year over the holiday, so it’s not all for naught.”

“That sounds great, sir.” Alex said, then he mused, “I should be looking for somewhere to stay this holiday too, but everything is just so expensive and finding an extra job is hard. Though, I suppose there are quite a few homeless shelters in the city, I’ll figure something out.”

“You have nowhere to stay?” Mama M said, sounding more distressed than Alex had thought.

He quickly backtracked: “No- well, yes, but also don’t worry about it, Mama M. I didn’t mean to say that, just thinking. I’ll manage, really, nothing new.”

Alex was absolutely not helping his case, but he was panicking, so he cut himself some slack.

“You can stay with us, come to Virginia.” she offered, still slightly horrified, “We don’t mind and I’m not leaving you to fend for yourself out there for an entire summer.”

“That is really kind of you, but, uhm-” he shot a helpless look to Washington, who just held his hands up in surrender as he left Alex on his own, “I have a job,” yeah that worked and wasn’t even a lie, “and I really need it, I can’t take time off and traveling from Virginia to my job each day with public transport is going to be too expensive and takes too much time. I really, really appreciate the offer, Mama M, but I really can’t.”

“And what if you stayed here and had the car.” she countered.

“Mama M, I can’t-”

He hadn’t thought of a good argument, but luckily Washington stepped in: “And how will we get to Virginia then, Martha. It’s very sweet you want to help, but Alexander is an adult, he can make his own choices.”

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

“Hey!”

Alex got ignored by the two others who were having a staring match. Martha raised a brow and said: “He could drive us to Virginia, stayed the weekend then drive back by himself and come to pick us up at the end of our holiday?”

“Martha...” was all Washington said as a grin formed on Mama Ms face. She pleasantly smiled: “So that’s settled then. Alex you’re staying here. We still need a cat sitter for Hammy.”

Swallowing heavily Alex accepted, he knew better than to argue with Mama M when she had made up her mind, especially when Washington agreed, reluctant as it might be. Instead he smiled and sincerely replied: “Really, thank you so much, ma’am. You truly are a wonderful woman. Also, Hammy? Please tell me I don’t have another cat-counterpart, Mama M.”

“I do try, you charmer.” she patted his cheek, before rising to clear the table, “And, cat-you really is a sweetheart, you’ll like him.”

Alex jumped up to help her, trailing after her like a puppy as she switched topics to the latest essay for his blog.

[saiilorstars]

Next Stop Everywhere

Chapter 21: The Silver Monsoon

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Female OC

(Minerva’s face claim: Victoria Camacho)

(Kaeya’s Face claim: Michelle Trachtenberg)

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter summary: The Doctor returns to the Silver Monsoon after years of its death, only to find Princess Kaeya's most prized possession.

The pronunciation of Kaeya is “kay-ah”!

// Story Masterlist //

"So you see, I have to write a creative story for this stupid class and I have nothing to write about," I finished telling the Doctor of my newest assignment for school to which he immediately offered his assistance to. I looked over and saw he was blankly staring at the console. "Doctor? Did you listen?"

He blinked, suddenly remembering I was here, and looked at me, "Oh, hello..."

I sighed, "Hello."

"Sorry, what was that?"

I sighed again, more irritated with his lack of attention after he was the one who asked me to explain. "Doctor, if you're not gonna listen then don't waste my time. I have this hard assignment and it's really pissing me off."

"Language," he pointed.

"No."

"Minerva?"

"Martian?"

"Okay," he waved it off, "What were you talking about?"

"No, I wanna know why you weren't listening. You've been doing that a lot lately. Please tell me, I'll keep it a secret."

Ever since we returned from the whole Lazarus event, the Doctor had seemed somewhat distant from Martha and I and pretty much everything else. It seemed like something, or someone, was occupying all his thoughts. And if it was the same culprit that occupied his mind since China, I had a pretty fair idea of who it was...

The Doctor leaned back on his seat, sighing deeply, "Kaeya."

What a shocker...

"What about her?" I did my best to act like it didn't bother me and since he was more oblivious than usual, it wasn't that hard to fool him.

"I've been having these dreams of her..."

"Oh...nice..." I looked away, not sure if it was right to feel jealous of a dead woman.

"I dreamt of the first time we met each other, in person..." he started smiling, getting lost in his thoughts once again.

"And?" I hit his arm, reminding him he had to continue if he was starting a new story.

"And...just the time we spent together..."

"Doctor, I don't mean to be nosy but, um..." I cleared my throat, turning to face him completely, "...were you and Kaeya...you know..." I swayed my head, "...together?"

"What? No! No..." he shook his head, "...Time Lords and the people of the Monsoon were prohibited from even seeing each other."

"Why's that?"

"I never knew. I suspected Kaeya did but she didn't want to tell me. All I knew was that Time Lords were supposed to detest the Monsoon kind. They had something they shouldn't have..."

"But that didn't stop you from seeing her, did it?"

"No," he smiled, probably thinking of her again, "She was much too wonderful to let go."

"Mhm," I nodded, forcing myself to calm down inside. For a pair that were not together, they sure sounded like it...

"But, anyways, what were you talking about? You're homework?" he looked down at the journal on my lap.

"Oh," I looked down at it as well, forgetting for a moment it was still there, "I have to write a creative story and my mind is blank."

"Minerva, you're a time traveler. I'm sure there's something you can think about."

"You'd think that, but...it doesn't. It doesn't feel like any of our recent trips is something to talk about to the humans."

"What do you want to talk about, then?"

"Something fantastic, something worth remembering, something..."

"The Monsoon," he whispered, still managing to cut me off.

"Huh?"

"Would you like to visit the Silver Monsoon with me?"

"As in...Kaeya's planet?" I raised an eyebrow, my stomach churning a little at that idea. Somehow, I don't think that would be good for me and my heart.

"Yeah, I haven't been there since the War, and I never gathered the courage to go back..."

And now I knew I had to say yes and accompany him there. Just like he accompanied me to Liv's gravestone and was there for me when I bid goodbye to her, I had to be there for him and watch him say goodbye to Kaeya. It was something he needed and deserved when it truly wasn't his fault she died. My jealousy could not get in the way of that.

"I understand if you don't want to come," he continued, trying to hide his clear disappointment of my silence.

"Of course I'll go," I took his hand, "You came with me to Liv's burial site, it's time I help you too."

"You want to go?" his eyes shined that spark of excitement they usually wore.

"Yes, and I promise you I will make a story of Kaeya and her people, dedicated to the people of the Monsoon."

"Really?"

"Yes, would you like that?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed, absolutely ecstatic about it, "You're truly wonderful!" he took me for a surprise hug, unable to see my shocked yet red face.

"Did I just walk into something?" Martha's voice pulled us apart, "Cause if I did..." I looked back and saw her smirking, probably thinking what would, and should, never happen.

"The Doctor offered me a place to write about," I said before she spoke anything that would compromise me.

"Oh..." her smirk fell and was replaced by a frown, "...boo."

"It's amazing!" the Doctor jumped from the chair and went to the console, "It used to be truly amazing! You should've seen it, Minerva, it was like Christmas all the time!" he rambled on as he made his rounds around the console, Martha moving beside me and both of us just nodding and listening, "There was snow everywhere! Ice lakes! Ice statues! Unfrozen lakes where the children would swim! Oh, they were excellent swimmers! They we're from the Monsoon! Of course they knew how to swim!"

"Is he going to breath anytime soon?" Martha whispered to me.

"Let's find out," I crossed my arms and listening on to the Martian.

"I loved the trees! They were covered with snow, what am I saying covered? They were made of snow! And they carried little ice spheres that you could actually eat! Imagine that, ice that you can eat!"

"Yeah, they're called Popsicles," Martha chuckled.

"These are better," he pointed violently, still smiling and laughing.

"Alright, so if this place is so wonderful, why haven't you taken us before?"

And then he stopped...

I walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Because it's taken a lot of courage to return," he took my hand off his shoulder and held it in his own, "But he's finally doing it."

"What's so hard about going back?" Martha asked, eyeing our small moment, though no smirk as she saw this was a serious matter.

"I lost someone there," the Doctor answered quietly, lifting our interlocked hands and just staring at them as a source of distraction, "It's been one of the places I could never return to."

"And why are we going there suddenly?"

"Because I'm gonna write a story about it," I smiled, wanting to get one out of the Martian but failing miserably, "I'm gonna write about how beautiful it is, how accomplished the species was."

"Well, what are we waiting for, then?" Martha moved up to the console and hung onto it.

"You sure you want to go?" I asked the Doctor as he moved us to the console.

"You'll be there, right?" he questioned very quietly, I almost didn't hear him, "Every second?"

""You won't be able to get rid of me," I flashed him a grin.

"So when speak of this planet, the Monsoon, how come you use it in the past tense?" Martha asked, purposely keeping her gaze down, the small smirk playing on her lips.

"They, uh...they were killed," the Doctor replied, growing quiet once again.

"By what?"

"...by the hands of my people."

Martha gasped, her wide eyes looking at me for the same reaction but by my calmer attitude she learned that I already knew this, "How...how did that happen?"

"The Time War," he turned and leaned against the console, "Just one more of the species we brought down."

"Yeah, but it's not your fault," I reminded.

He smiled, still seemingly lost in thoughts, "They were good people. I never spoke to them, just Kaeya."

"And who was Kaeya?" Martha asked, becoming more curious.

"An old friend of mine..."

I glanced at Martha, letting her know with a look that Kaeya was probably more than just a "friend".

"Oh," she nodded.

It seemed that another woman had managed to steal his hearts...

~0~

I hopped onto mushy snow that plopped up to my ankles. Martha started shivering as soon as she stepped out, "It's so cold!"

"I think it's great!" I said, excitedly looking around.

"It's cold!"

"Zip up the jacket," the Doctor came out, "And you'll be fine."

She grumbled and did as told, "This places looks kind of...dead."

I noticed that while there was perfectly white snow covering the ground, most of the place was dim and gray. It looked like a snowstorm was headed this way...there was no Christmasy feeling. I started walking ahead, my shoes sploshing through the snow.

"It used to be beautiful," the Doctor remarked, he and Martha coming behind, "But that was a very long time ago."

"Is everyone gone, though?" Martha asked.

"I would suppose though, that was the story."

"But then you don't really know, huh?" That's why Martha was my best friend, she picked out what no one had noticed before.

"She's right," I turned back for them, "If all you ever heard was the story then maybe the people of the Monsoon managed to escape."

He sighed, not looking so hopeful, "They need the cold to survive. Their bodies need the coldest temperature around."

"Yeah, but this planet doesn't seem as cold."

"The people probably had a hand in that," he mumbled and walked ahead.

I sighed and watched after him, Martha stepping closer to me, "He doesn't look so good," she whispered.

"His hearts are breaking," I mumbled, going after him.

The Doctor had stopped at a cliff, and I almost slipped on the snow for leaning to close, "What's down there?"

He peered down, "It's mud."

"What kind? And why does it look like snow?"

"It's snow mud used for defensive tactics. These people had an army of some sort. They'd use the snow to cover up their scent."

I crinkled my nose at the smell, not at all agreeable, "It's disgusting!"

"Yeah, it smells horrible," Martha shook her head, "This doesn't seem like a very beautiful planet, honestly."

"This is hardly what the Silver Monsoon used to be, ma'am," an elderly man's voice spoke, making us turn and see the stranger across us.

The Doctor immediately pulled Martha and I behind him, as if the short man could actually hurt us. He was rather short, aged like a grandfather, and had ice blue eyes with gray hair that swiveled at the top. What really captivated my attention were the silver lines on his body. There were two swirly lines going across his cheeks and two more running up and down his arms.

"Who are you?" the Doctor demanded coldly, perhaps thinking the man was an intruder to Kaeya's home.

"My name is Mayar, and I am the last of my people to live on this planet," he declared, giving a small nod.

"You mean...this is your planet?" I blinked, trying to step around the Doctor but he kept forcing his arm in front of me.

"These are the marks of the Monsoon," he gestured to his silver marks.

"Who are you?" this time the Doctor's voice was a meek one, clearly shocked that not everyone had died like he believed.

"Mayar, one of very first Kings of the Silver Monsoon."

The Doctor looked stunned by the piece of information, his forceful arm barring me lowered down, "...you're Kaeya's grandfather."

Now it was Mayar's turn to be shocked, "You knew my granddaughter?"

"Knew her?" the Martian scoffed lightly, part of him seeming lost in thoughts, "I knew her straight to the core."

"Who are you?" Mayar questioned, "All of you?"

"I'm Minerva," I finally stepped around the Doctor, Martha doing the same on the other side, "That's the Doctor and Martha."

"Are you human? I don't believe humans have acquired space travel yet..."

I looked at the Doctor, wondering if he wanted to go with that lie or tell him who he really was.

"They're human," he gestured to Martha and I, "I'm...I'm a Time Lord."

You could tell he struggled to name himself, and the look Mayar was now giving him wasn't helpful, "And you dare step foot on my home after what you did?" Mayar stepped forwards.

"But he didn't do anything," I started to frown, who the hell did he think was?

"Yeah? His people put an end to my people, my family."

"You said it, his people. He didn't do anything except come and try to find your granddaughter."

"And if I picked up your words correctly, not all your people died," Martha joined in, "Or am I wrong?"

Seriously, love Martha right now.

"There were survivors," Maya conceded, looking solely at the Doctor, "If that eases your conscience a bit."

"Who survived?" the Doctor asked, his eyes glossy already, "How?"

"If you really knew Kaeya then you should know she wouldn't go down without a fight. She gave her life to save the little people we had left. But you know what, now that I think about it, I do believe you and Kaeya knew each other."

"You do?"

"Yes, my granddaughter spoke so good of the Time Lords she just had to have gotten all that silly affection for them from you. You filled her head with all the good your people did."

"I did't, I always told her the truth..."

"I wonder, do you ever wake up in the middle of the night to think how many people died because of your lousy war? Let me give you an estimate of my planet, a million. That includes children. My son died, my daughter-in-law, my granddaughter died, and many more after. Tell me, how do you live with that?"

"With all due respect, SHUT UP!" I ordered, never feeling like harming an old man but this one was asking for it.

"How do you maintain a relationship with a man like that?" he moved on to me.

"Because you don't know him like we do," Martha spoke up now, probably feeling the same anger as I felt, "We listened to the story and you don't even give a chance."

"Amazing, you've got two women arguing on your behalf, how does that feel?" Mayar asked, bitterly smiling at the Doctor.

"Look, I swear to you I wanted to save Kaeya, I was looking for a place that she and the rest of you could live in," the Doctor paused, taking a shaky deep breath, "But I was too far away by the time I heard of her death, of the planet's death. But I still came back because I cared for her-"

"No, that's a lie!"

"It's not!"

"You and your people aren't capable of care! Of love!"

"But I was!" the Doctor shouted, actually making all three of us flinch, Mayar with wide eyes, "I knew Kaeya down to the core and she knew me! We didn't know why our species hated each other and we didn't care! We became the best of friends without a care. I showed her what you couldn't, I showed her pieces of the world!"

"Kaeya couldn't leave the planet," Mayar tried to form a comeback, but he was still faulty, "We needed the col-"

"I came, I brought her gifts from the galaxies and she loved them. And you know what? I loved seeing her study those objects. I made her happy, that's the one thing that actually does ease my conscience. Because while you and your family tried to restrain her from her true potential, I liberated her. I made her laugh when you made her cry, I made her curious when you made her world bland, I comforted her when you scared her. And when she died..." the Doctor paused, shaking his head while his hand went to his cover his eyes, "...it was the end of my motivation to keep going. I stopped the War, I ended my own kind because Kaeya died. So do not come and tell me that I am not capable of caring for her because you have no idea just how wrong you are!"

I blinked and a tear strolled down my cheek, my heart beginning to break with the realization of just how much he "cared" for her. That wasn't care...that was love. He loved Kaeya.

"Perhaps...I could be wrong," was all Mayar could say, "...perhaps," he turned around and walked away.

"Maybe we should go..." Martha began to suggest but the Doctor had already left on his own.

"Coming here was the worst idea ever," I mumbled, biting my lip.

"Hey, it's okay," Martha turned to me, "You can't cry for a dead woman."

"I told you I didn't want this because of a heartbreak...and it happened anyways," I sniffled.

"You can't let this bring you down."

"Tell me how am I supposed to feel then?" I rubbed my eyes before more tears emerged, "He didn't have to say it but we all know...we know he loved her."

"I can see how that would come about but-"

"I can't do this right now," I shook my head, collecting myself to go after the Doctor, "You go talk to Mayar, yeah? Find out more about this place?"

"Why?" she frowned, confused with the idea.

"I still have to write something and besides, maybe there's something we can use to make the Doctor feel better."

"And what are you going to do in the mean time?"

"I'm going to make the Doctor feel better," I forced my best smile.

"But you aren't..."

"I don't care because I want him to be okay. He's helped me with Olivia and now it's my turn. I won't let him blame himself for something he didn't do. Not ever," I walked past her, rubbing away the last of my tears before I would find the Doctor.

~0~

"Doctor?" I called, spotting him sitting at the edge of a cliff, "Hey! Martian!" I tried running but the snow slowed me down. After much struggle, I finally reached him and plopped down beside him, "Are you okay?" he nodded, looking down at the iced lake below the cliff, "Somehow, I think that's a lie."

"Well, could be because you're clever..."

I smiled, "That I am, Martian. So, last time you helped me so now I help you. Though I'd help you regardless..." I waited for him to say something but he never did. He kept staring at the iced lake, so lost and silent. This wasn't him at all. "...You know it's not your fault, right? The fall of this planet...you didn't do it. Kaeya died for other reasons, one of those for a noble cause, but none of it was your fault."

"I wish I knew who killed her," he cut me off, his teeth gritting with anger and pain. There was a raw, ferocious, anger that genuinely scared me for a bit. I'd seen him plenty mad before but never like that. "I want to know who put their hands on her and killed her..."

"I don't think you do..." I tried to say but he cut me off with a sharp 'I do'. "And then what? What would you do?" I challenged him. "Because we both know you wouldn't kill them."

"Yeah? How can you be so sure?" he glanced at me with a dark tinge in his eyes, "You know all the people I killed..."

"Because of Kaeya, yes, I do now," I reminded, "But I bet if you had the chance to make that decision again...you wouldn't."

He scoffed, "Right."

"I'm serious. I think that you were blinded by rage and pain, your friend had died...and you wanted to put an end for her. Perhaps in another scenario, given the proper thought about it...you'd make an alternate decision."

"Yeah? And why would I do that?" he rolled his eyes.

"Because it's what Kaeya would've liked for you to do."

He glanced at me again, taken aback by the words I chose, "...she never liked violence..."

"See?"

"She was the sweetest thing out there..." his gaze returned to the iced lake, "...incapable of hurting anyone. Her voice...it was so delicate, so soft...beautiful."

"Aha," I looked down, fiddling with my fingers. I wouldn't stop him from talking about her. I spoke hours of Olivia, telling him how crazy beautiful she was, all her personality traits...I'd allow for him to do the same about Kaeya. It would liberate him from his guilt, and hopefully make him feel a little better.

"She was beautiful, Minerva. When I met her, she was just...a goddess. I think she'd be like the Selene of your mythology."

"Oh, you mean Selena? Of the moon?"

He nodded, "Mhm, she was wonderful..."

"Hm, I can tell. Your smile seems to be kinda..." I gestured to his face, "...stuck," he caught himself in the middle of another grin and quickly stopped, but I could still see a remnant of it at the corner of his mouth, "How did you even meet? You said Kaeya couldn't leave the planet because it was cold so you came...how'd you do it?"

He sighed, glancing back at the iced lake. I wondered what was so damn interesting of a lake, "It all started when I was just a kid and saw her for the first time. It was my first year in the Academy and we had a trip to see a constellation nearby the Silver Monsoon. Everyone else didn't care about the planet that looked like the Earth Christmas I liked so much. I was at the window and I was looking down...and then I saw her. She stood on that lake right there," he pointed ahead, "And she looked up to our ship. I never forgot that face...such a pretty little face. She had these big icy, blue eyes, and she seemed so curious. I could tell she was wondering who I was...what the ship was...what were all those little kids, like her, doing in that ship looking down at her planet."

"But you didn't speak to her, then?" I questioned, looking at the lake, picturing that little girl right there. That's why it was so important to him, it was where they first met...

"No, we were never allowed down on the planet. We were forbidden to visit the planet, much less to make contact with its inhabitants. But we returned every year, and I was always on that ship...and she was always on that lake, staring up. Years passed, and it seemed like we were aging at the same time. And you know, it looked like she knew exactly when we would return because she was always there, standing, sitting, on that lake. All on her own. By the time I was a teenager," he glanced at me, eyeing me up and down, "Probably about your age."

"I doubt you were seventeen," I teased, "Well, I'm almost eighteen in a couple months...so eighteen?"

"No, but I was young."

"Hm, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Doctor, triple digits?"

"...no."

"I think you were!"

"Are you gonna let me continue?" He raised an eyebrow.

I raised my hands, surrendering, "Fine, fine, go ahead."

"Well, like I was saying, we both looked like we could be around the same age. But by that time, I grew tired of just getting a five minute glimpse of her and so I devised a plan."

"What kind of plan?"

He smirked, "The one where I snuck out of the ship and went down to the planet."

"And did it work?"

"...no."

I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head at his failure, "Oh no, and what happened?"

He sighed, "That was the last time I saw her...I was kicked out of the program for sneaking out."

I immediately stopped laughing, knowing that must have been pretty hard for him, "And...and then what happened?"

"They made more trips of course but I never got to see that glimpse of her until..." he began smiling, letting me know that the story hadn't ended so badly, "...I borrowed a TARDIS one day-"

"Borrowed?" I raised an eyebrow, "N-n-no, you told me you borrowed it and ran off with your granddaughter...never returning that box to this day. That's not borrowing."

"This was before I actually stole it," he corrected, shaking his head, "I was...what?" again, he eyed me, determining his next age comparison on me, "An adult? Maybe Olivia's age? Twenty?" I nodded, gesturing for him to continue, "I borrowed a TARDIS one day and took it to this planet, just a little after the students had finished their annual trip. And Minerva?"

"Yeah?"

"...she was right there," he pointed at the lake, his grin so wide it looked like his face would crack, "At first, I didn't see her...but then I turned around and there she was; standing beautifully across me."

I couldn't help the disappointment I felt within me. He seemed so lost in the thought of seeing her again, it made me wonder if he'd ever think of me like that. But I shook those thoughts away and focused on the most important thing here, he was smiling.

"She was so beautiful. She'd changed since the last time I saw her. She was taller, her hair was shorter, and she was dressed like a true princess. Silver and white. I'll never forget that. She was so beautiful," he re-emphasized it and I mouthed the word off to the side where he couldn't see how jealous I was turning.

"Did you talk or did you just stare?" I asked in a mutter, realizing a moment later that was probably rude. Minerva, you are not gonna let your jealousy get in the way of an important moment for the Doctor. He didn't deserve that. Neither did Kaeya.

"We talked," he nodded, oblivious to my feelings, "For the first time, we actually talked. I got to know her. Her name was Kaeya, princess of the Silver Monsoon."

"That's a weird name, you know."

"You're clever, you should know its meaning."

"It has a meaning?" I blinked, genuinely surprised at it.

"Every name's got a meaning. Look at yours, Minerva: the goddess of wisdom."

"Yeah, and what does Kaeya mean?"

"The monsoon flower," he smiled, "And she was a beautiful flower."

I rolled my eyes, "Got it. She was excessively beautiful. What did you talk about? I can't keep writing she was beautiful, you know."

He chuckled, "Yeah, sorry. She told me how shocked she was to see that great big ship over her planet for the first time. Said she'd been playing on the iced lake over there. And after we left, she asked her parents who we were and why we couldn't come down. But they didn't tell her anything. All they said was that she should hate us and stay away from us because we were bad people."

"Why would they think that?"

"I don't know. To this day, I don't know why the Silver Monsoon and Gallifrey detested each other."

"But that didn't stop Kaeya, did it?"

"She calculated the exact day and time we'd pass over her planet each year...and even after I was kicked out, she kept waiting...to see me. Of course, that never happened anymore until I borrowed the TARDIS."

"Bet she was really happen then..." I said, knowing the exact feeling she must have had. I had that same feeling when I decided to leave the box of wonders and him to finish my education. Just the thought of knowing I would actually be staying made my heart beat twice as fast.

"She seemed like it," he nodded, "And we then we started talking. I learned a lot about her, and you know what?"

"What?"

"She didn't live a very happy life."

"Well, apart from being forbidden to leave the planet I couldn't see why she wouldn't be happy."

He smiled, "But that never stopped her hope. While she couldn't leave, she set herself to know about the world. And so each time I came to visit her, I brought her a little gift from a planet, sometimes my own. She loved them all and she tried to study them down to its last detail. I loved seeing the look she gave each time I brought her something. It was...wonderful. Her favorite gifts were the ones from Earth I was able to get from Gallifrey. And then, when I finally left home, I traveled to all these places, always bringing her things from them. But her favorite was always Earth. She thought you were all fascinating."

"Hm, I can't help but feel like an experiment subject."

"You're not. She just liked you all. She tried learning everything she could of the humans. She knew your eating habits, your favorite leisure activities, your customs, beliefs. Heck, do you know she learned about the mythology you all invented? She loved the Roman mythology most of all; she said her favorite goddess was Venus cos she was immensely beautiful. And well, Kaeya didn't consider herself as such."

"Well," I grinned, "I would vouch for the goddess Minerva. She's a pretty cool lady."

"Good thing you're not biased," he remarked, nudging me and getting a laugh out.

"Just give me wisdom over beauty any day!"

"Oh, but you have both already."

I froze, glancing at him with semi-shocked eyes, "You think so?"

He shifted in his seat, giving me a quick glance with a faint smile, "Y-yeah. I told you that, remember?"

"Right..." I rubbed my arm, looking down as a blush went through my cheeks.

"Kaeya loved it all, though," he continued after a moment his gaze wondering to the lake again, "She was truly exceptional."

"Doctor, I know I asked you this before but now I ask you to answer with honesty. Did you love her?"

Silence.

"Doctor?"

Silence.

I took a long, deep breath, "Alright, I won't insist," even if it continued to gnaw at my head.

"I told her that one day I'd figure out how to bring her to other planets," he continued like the dire question hadn't been asked, and with no other option I listened, "I swore to her I'd whisk her away and show her the universe," and by the slow change of happy to glum on his face, I knew that's where the story ended, "And then the war started..."

"And she died."

"I'm sorry," I said with all honesty, "I understand what it's like to lose someone you care so much about."

"Then tell me, how can you ask me not to blame myself for Kaeya's death if you continuously blame yourself for Olivia's?"

I looked away, biting my tongue to keep myself from answering in a way I couldn't. That I cared for him deeply and just couldn't bear for him to blame himself. That I couldn't stand seeing him not smile and ramble on about the stars. I couldn't.

"I said it before, Minerva, your eyes and mine share a great pain. The only difference is that mine are old and horrible, while yours are young and filled with potential."

"Don't say that," I sighed, "We share the pain, that's that. But here's what I think about yours, Kaeya doesn't blame you. She wouldn't want you to burden yourself like this."

"You think so?"

"I know so," I assured, patting his hand, "And look at it this way, she's probably looking over Earth right now, making that visit she wanted for so long."

"I sure hope she is. She deserves at least that."

"C'mon," I let go of him and jumped to my feet, nearly slipping over the cliff, "Yikes, better be careful there."

"Where are we going?"

"You seem to just love that lake," I gestured to it with my head, "So let's go take a look. It'll be a walk down memory lane."

"Uh, no thanks," he shook his head.

"Oh c'mon!" I reached down and tried pulling him up, "Just a walk!"

"No, Minerva."

"Why not? Is it because that's yours and Kaeya's lake? Am I not allowed on it?"

"What? No! I'd love to take you to the lake!"

"Then!?"

He sighed, "I guess I just don't feel like I could step on it."

I let go and smiled sadly at him, "We can take baby steps then."

"Baby steps?" he looked up, looking offended at the term.

I placed a hand on my hip, tilting my head, "What? Big Time Lord can't take a baby step?"

"I can take an adult step!"

"Yeah, you're not classified as an adult in my book."

"What!?" he jumped to his feet, making me beam I finally got him up, "I'm far older than you are-"

"Yes, thank you for reminding me of that, gramps," I patted his cheek, earning a glare from the Martian, "So how about you take me down there?"

"Minerva, you need to take back that 'gramps' thing," he warned as I turned for the cliff, peering down to search for the perfect way to get down.

"Why? I'm seventeen and you're what? 903 years old?" I took a step forwards, nearly slipping again but caught by the martian, "Woah, sorry gramps."

"I'd rather you call me Martian!"

I beamed, gasping, "Really?"

"Yes. Because I'm not old!"

I grabbed his sleeve as I stepped forwards again, "Well, Martian, I can see a way down now. We'll just need to go-" my foot slipped and I went forwards, the Martian reaching to grab me but instead fell along with me.

We toppled down the cliff, the snow - although cold and wet - cushioning our tumble. I fell against the iced-lake, finding just how hard it actually was, enough to bruise my back I'll tell you that. Of course, it wasn't as bad before the Martian literally fell on me with a hard thud, making me yelp of pain.

"Minerva are you alright!?" he asked quickly, although his moves were much slower as he had also been hurt. He lifted his head and looked down at me, and suddenly my pain seemed like a petty thing with him so close to me.

Unlike the last time we found ourselves in this situation, before we landed on McDonnell's ship, I felt nervous. But this time...this time, I found myself smiling at the Martian right above me, "Hello..."

He smiled back, "...hello."

The ground beneath us, and everywhere around us, began shaking like an earthquake. It sounded like the cliff behind us was toppling down more snow, like an avalanche!

"Minerva, watch out!" the Doctor huddled me closer, reaching over and covering me.

A few minutes later, it finally stopped. He looked around, finally getting off me. I sat up and found the cliff had opened up a passageway across us. "That...that wasn't there a moment ago," I pointed, looking at it with wide eyes.

"No, no it wasn't, " he scrambled to his feet, running for it and stopping right at its entrance, "Looks like it hasn't been opened in centuries."

I slowly got up, nervous I'd slip on the ice. Actually, it wasn't even slippery! It felt like actual ground.

"I wonder where it leads to..." the Doctor continued, poking his head inside the passageway.

I trembled, now feeling the coldness of the planet as Martha had whined about earlier. Of course, she wasn't covered in snow and wet. I suddenly crinkled my nose at a fowl smell around us, on me, "Doctor, what is that smell?"

"That would be the snow mud currently covering us," he replied absently, still inspecting that passageway.

I nearly gagged as I smelled my arm, "Oh god, I need a shower."

"Yeah it'll take months for it to fully come off."

"Excuse me?" I asked, wide eyed, "Months?"

"What do you say, Minerva? Shall we take a look?" he turned around, ignoring my current state of denial.

I sighed, letting it go for the moment and made my way over, peering inside the darkness before us, "S-sure. You got a light or something?" And like hearing me, torches hung up on the wall lit up, allowing us to see the pathway clearly.

"I think we're good, don't you think?" the Doctor grinned, stepping inside.

"You think I could use one of those torches to dry myself? And possibly use it as a heater?" I asked, slowly following.

"Well, I don't think-" he stopped at the sound of his foot kicking something.

We looked down to see an old, dusty book on the ground. He picked it up, turning it over and seeing the title worn off by the time it had been here. He opened it up, skimming a few pages of it.

"Stop!" I exclaimed, putting a hand over the page he was currently on, "Look," I pointed, "Those are the Roman goddesses and Gods. Kaeya was fascinated by them, right?"

He nodded, "Very."

"So then...this was her book?"

"Possibly..."

"Well, did anyone else on this planet have a liking for Earth?"

"I don't know. Maybe...maybe not?"

I sighed, a shiver combined with it, "Well, I'm willing to bet it was hers. Maybe this whole cave thing is hers too," I gestured to it and walked a few steps ahead, "Maybe this was her sanctuary."

"Should we even be here then?"

"It opened for us, didn't it? She wants us here."

"But why?"

"Maybe she'd like her old friend to visit her. After so many years. Maybe it's me that shouldn't be here..." I started taking a step back at the sudden realization.

But I felt hands on my shoulders that stopped me, "I'd like her to meet my clever friend. She's pretty good."

I smiled, glancing back, "You think so?"

He shook off his coat and placed it around me, "I know so. You're very good."

I felt an instant heat from the coat, but most of all, I felt my face warming up at our closeness, "You're not so bad yourself," I tugged the coat closer, "And thanks."

"Now c'mon!" he pulled me ahead, running who knows where!

~0~

"I didn't know she had a whole bookcase of Earth books," I remarked as I went through what seemed the eighth bookshelf in this room.

The Doctor had found what appeared to be a library. It was old, it was cold, and it smelled like soggy, dirty socks. But there were bookshelves spread all around, chuck full of books...all about Earth.

"How did she even get these?" I looked over to the Doctor and saw him swaying his head, "I should've known. You brought them."

"I didn't think she'd actually keep all of them," was his defense statement, "But then again, she did say she had a whole library dedicated to Earth."

I plucked out a book that read Cinderella on the cover, "Maybe to meet the princesses? Cinderella, really?"

"She liked the gown because it was almost like hers."

"Cinderella sucks. I'm more of a Rapunzel fan."

He scoffed, "Figures," he looked over my hair.

I playfully rolled my eyes, "Ha, ha, so I'm a little bias."

"You know, Kaeya thought the Earth fairy tales were a bit boring. Ridiculous, actually. Complete fantasy..."

"Ridiculous?" I frowned, looking back at the row of classical fairy tales on the shelf, "But they're the most famous ones!"

"And a bit unlikely," he walked over, taking the book from me, "I mean, seriously, a wooden puppet whose nose grows big when they lie?"

"A 903 year old alien with a box that's bigger on the inside?" I countered, smirking, "I'll have you know these fairy tales are fantastic. Especially for the kids. I mean, c'mon, servant girl gets a fairy godmother, servant girl sneaks to the ball, servant girl meets Prince and loses her shoe at midnight...then the Prince finds her and they live happily ever after. Who thinks that's bland!?" he made a face and shrugged, placing the book back in its spot, "Okay fine, let me tell you a new one then: Human girl travels all her life, human girl meets Martian and he takes her to see galaxies. Isn't that such a cute fairy tale-oh wait - I'M LIVING IT!"

He smiled, "Point taken."

"Thank you," I nodded, turning away for another bookshelf, "I'm sure Kaeya can see that now."

"So...I'm a fairy tale?" he raised an eyebrow, the hint of a smirk growing at the corner of his mouth.

"Hold your horses there," I held a finger to him, "I said the whole thing in general is the fairy tale. Stop the ego from growing. You're not a fairy tale."

Yes he was...

"Really?" he pretended to pout.

"You're not!"

He was...

"But are you really sure?"

"Yes," I went along, stopping between a gap of two bookshelves. I passed a hand down the cold wall, feeling it somewhat...hollow?

"That's too bad..." he came over, "...because I think you're a fairy tale."

I glanced at him, stunned he had actually said that. That was the second complement I received in less than an hour, "Really?"

He blinked, "Um...yeah, because you're...you're very clever, and...and, and human."

"Oh...so I'm a fairy tale because you've never met a human so clever? What, we're highly unlikely? I'm ridiculous? We're all supposed to be stupid?" I leaned against the wall, watching him curiously work out that one. As much as I wanted to believe that was a compliment...it did sound like an insult in the end.

"No! That's not at all what I meant!"

"So what did you mean by that?"

"I just..." he swayed his head, sighing, "...see, you're clever and you're just..."

"Human," I nodded, "Yeah, I got it. Human and surprisingly smart," I rolled my eyes, "You know what, maybe this is where we part. I'll go find Martha and you can visit your dead girlfriend..." I started removing his coat, getting off the wall.

"No, no, please don't," he moved to stop me, trying to push my hands down as they fiercely worked to take off the damn coat, "Minerva, stop, you're overreacting." But I continued, and I guess frustrated him because he just stopped and pushed us back to the wall, "Are you gonna stop and let me explain?" he demanded seriously, enough seriousness to leave me still and just nod, "Thank you," he sighed, "Listen, you're sweet, you're insanely clever, and you don't take advantage of it. Most humans would. You said it yourself, with power comes chaos...especially with humans. You're not like that though," he smiled softly, "You'd never be. That's why you're a fairy tale, because another girl like you would be unlikely. You're one of a kind. So, why don't you keep that coat," he tugged it closer, enveloping me in its warmness, "And you accompany me to see an old friend. Yeah?"

I started smiling, blushing and nodding, "Okay..."

We both smiled, looking at each other for a moment until we felt another shaking. This time, it came from behind me and the Doctor quickly pulled me off to see the wall sliding open.

"Was Kaeya fond of puzzles?" I blinked, seeing the newest dark passageway ahead of us.

"It's a possibility..."

"There's no lights this time," I peered inside, "How are we supposed to get through?"

"Let's see," he walked ahead.

"Uh, Doctor, maybe you should be careful," I called, staying by the doorway.

"It's fine!"

"But it's dark!"

"Yeah but it's not like I'm going to-"

And he slammed into a wall...

I winced at the thud, hearing the groans a few seconds later, "Let me guess, there's a wall in front of you?"

"...that's..." he groaned again, "...a possibility."

I rolled my eyes and took slow, careful steps ahead, using the wall as a guide, "Where are you?"

"Over here," he called louder.

"If I crash into the wall you're as good as dead. And the possibility of regenerating is very slim."

He chuckled, "I'm holding out my hands, just reach out."

I nodded, though I realized he couldn't see it so I stopped. I held out one hand while the other remained on the wall, "I can't feel you!"

"Then get off the wall!"

"I'm not on the wall!"

"Yes, you are. Now let go."

I sighed and did as told, stepping forwards. I had to admit I felt a big relief when I touched a hand, "Oh thank god."

"See, nothing to worry about," he said, "Just don't move forwards."

"Let me guess, is there a big scratch on your head, Doctor?"

"...no."

I laughed, "Liar."

"Oh shut it, it really hurts."

"We'll deal with it later you big baby. Now tell me how we're going to go down the passageway."

He sighed and turned us for the wall, "Well..."

But the wall started moving away from us, leaving us to follow as it moved. The Doctor let go of my hand and went slightly ahead, the darkness fading as icy blue squares on the ground lit up. But just like that, the rock stopped moving.

"Doctor!" I called, feeling myself slip on one of the ice squares.

He quickly returned, catching me before I fell. And suddenly, the rock slid again. We looked at each other then the rock that kept moving. We let go of each other and the rock stopped moving.

"That's just weird," I pointed, "What? Did you and your girlfriend make it like this?"

"Minerva stop, I've never been in here," he said, taking my hand once more, watching how the rock moved again.

I pulled my hand away, making it stop, "Then what's going on?"

"It looks like some sort of security mechanism."

"What? The kind where you need to hold hands?"

"Maybe it was for her parents..."

"So what do we do?"

He glanced at me, then my hand, "Well, if we want to get ahead, you'll need to hold my hand."

I pretended to study him and his hand, "...I'll manage."

He smiled and reached for my hand, once again the rock moving. This time, we walked after it, neither of us saying a word. What could I say, really? At the end, the rock stopped sliding forwards and moved to the side, allowing us to see a room behind. We entered an ice room that was in a cylindrical shape, a small one at that.

"What is this place?" I asked, intrigued by the design, but not more than what was held in the center, "And what is that?"

There was a circular table, an ice table, in the center with a necklace propped up; a glass dome covered it.

"Welcome," a voice rang around the room, startling us.

"Kaeya?" the Doctor frowned, looking around frantically, bringing me as well until I pulled my hand away, "Where are you!? Are you here!?" I grew sad as I watched him desperately trying to find the girl, knowing he must miss her a lot.

"This is an interface," a hologram of a young woman appeared beside the table, "Here to help."

"Kaeya..." the Doctor whispered, stepping forwards, taking in the hologram's appearance which I assumed was the blessed princess.

She was beautiful, no doubt. I assumed the silver gown the Doctor had mentioned was the one she wore at the moment. It was an A-line dress that went down to her feet. It had a squared-neckline with angel sleeves, a ruched bodice, an over skirt covering the forepart of the underskirt, a small train of it behind. Her short, ashy brunette fell above her shoulders in soft curls, her icy blue eyes looking as lively as ever...even for a hologram. She was beautiful, and she didn't look a day over twenty-five.

I swallowed hard, finding myself to be an intruder in this room.

"She's just a hologram...she's not real," the Doctor said quietly, shaking his head. He turned around and it shocked me to see him actually walking for the exit. That was my job!

"Doctor!" I called, making him freeze, "And just where do you think you're going?"

"She's not real."

"Real or not, she wants you here."

He glanced back, looking between the hologram and I, "How do you know?"

"I don't," I shrugged, "But I say she does. Look at this place. It seems like no one's entered in centuries. Not even Mayar! And he was her grandfather. Why would it suddenly open for us? Why would it open for you?"

He turned completely, facing me but with a solemn look, "You think she wants me here?"

"Let's ask," I moved for the hologram, "Interface, what is the purpose of the room?"

"It holds the Silver Monsoon's most prized possession," she gestured to the necklace on the table, the dome moving up from it, "Responsibility of the princess of the Silver Monsoon, princess Kaeya. She swore to protect it at all costs."

"What does the necklace do?" I asked, looking back at the Doctor, offering my hand for comfort.

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Not what I asked but okay," I smiled as the Martian came forwards and took my hand, "What's the purpose of the necklace?"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"I know that...what is the necklace's purpose?"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Why does it keep saying that?" I glanced at the Doctor, confused.

He looked at the hologram and the necklace repeatedly, a minute later focusing solely on the necklace, "There's something familiar about it..."

I looked at the necklace, really focusing this time. It was baby blue and white...

It had a chain with three shapes hanging at the bottom, "Doctor, how many suns does the planet have?" I asked.

"None," he answered quietly. I glanced at him, surprised, "They only ever had the moon..."

"But there's two suns," I pointed at the necklace, "And the moon."

"I don't get it."

I frowned, staring harder at the necklace. There had to be an explanation for it, "Interface, what are the symbols' purpose?"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Yes, I get it-"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

I sighed, hoping to push my frustration down for the sake of the Martian beside me, "But-"

"It belongs to princess Kaeya."

"Oh my god, yes! But please stop saying that I get it. It belonged to..." I trailed off, finally getting it, "Oh...she made the necklace."

"She what?" the Doctor asked, looking at me weirdly.

I looked at him, "She made the necklace."

"How do you know?"

"Take a good look, Martian, and tell me what you see."

He did that...and nothing.

"Doctor?"

He shrugged.

"You are so oblivious! You're a stupid genius," I shook my head before leaning towards the necklace, "There's two suns, Doctor. And you said this planet has none," I glanced at him, seeing he was finally processing it as he leaned forwards, "So why put two?"

He let go of my hand and went for the necklace, tracing fingers on the suns, "Oh Kaeya...she did say she'd love to see them rising."

"And I'm guessing the moon is for her. It's you two together, how she wanted it."

"But...but why?"

I sighed, practically forcing myself to speak my next words, "She fell in love with you, Doctor."

He blinked with wide eyes, looking between the necklace and I, apparently hearing these words for the first time, "But I..."

"Take the necklace," I said quietly, rubbing my arm, though the fact I still wore his coat only made me feel worse. I shouldn't be here.

"I-I can't! Why'd you even think that?" he shook his head, stepping back.

"Why else would we be here?" I snapped, feeling guilty the second after; it wasn't his fault that he also made a human fall for him, he made Rose so why would I be an exception? How did Martha avoid it? "If this thing allowed us inside, it was for a reason. Plus, this thing," I pointed to the necklace, "Was made for you two. She's not here anymore but you are. The right thing would be for you to take it and put it somewhere you deem right."

He sighed, glancing at the holographic had remained quiet, and I swore it was almost watching us like it understood us, "I suppose...for Kaeya..."

"Yes," I moved for the necklace, reaching to take it when... "Ah!" I jerked my hand back, feeling my fingertips burn like before.

"Are you okay?" the Doctor quickly took my hand to inspect it.

"Yes, I..." I glanced at the necklace, finding a similarity between its material and the crystal at Lazarus' event, "...hey, is it the same crystal that Lazarus had?"

"Hm?" he looked at the necklace, taking it from its place and carefully touching it with a finger tip, "I think it is."

"Why doesn't it burn you?" I looked at his hands that could freely touch the necklace with jealousy.

"Maybe it's not supposed to be touched by humans..."

"Then how did Lazarus use it?"

"Gloves?"

"I'm telling you right now, I don't think Kaeya likes me," I looked at the hologram with narrow eyes, "She thinks I'm an intruder here."

"She doesn't. I know she would've loved to have met you."

"Lies," I scoffed, "I bet her spirit is right here and scowling at me."

"Spirit?" he scoffed now, "Ha!"

"You don't believe in the afterlife?"

"No...well...no."

"Well I do, and I believe Kaeya brought you here and I believe she doesn't like me," and I completely meant that.

The Doctor still seemed unconvinced, then...

"Hide it," the hologram spoke up, both the Doctor and I turning to it with shock. The hologram turned its head to the Doctor, "I will guide you until it is time."

"Excuse me?" the poor Martian blinked, stunned as I was the hologram was actually speaking like it understood us.

"I vowed to return one day and it is not me who has entered the sanctuary."

"But you died, Kaeya," he gritted his teeth, both angry and sad at the fact, "You can't return."

"I will return," she smiled, "But in the meantime, I will guide you on this journey."

"Guide..." I whispered, familiar words returning to me as I pondered, "...Guide. Moon guide...Moon spirit! Ha!" I exclaimed, startling the Doctor with my sudden excitement, "Remember the Face of Boe's words back on New Earth?" he stared but with no idea what I was saying. I sighed, coming beside him, "He said the moon spirit would guide you. She's it!" I pointed at the hologram, "I told you she'd be looking out for you wherever she was!"

"So...what?" he blinked.

I sighed again, smacking him upside the head, earning a big 'ow' from him, "You're meant to be here and take the necklace. She guided you here."

"But she's dead..." he whispered, his gaze falling to the ground.

I smiled sadly, "So? Just because she died doesn't mean she's gone. It's like my grandfather. I understand that he's dead. But I refuse to believe that he's really gone. I know that he's still looking out for my grandmother and I, and heck, even my mother. He's still taking care of us and Kaeya is doing the same for you."

He slowly nodded, looking up with watery eyes, "She's not gone?"

"She's right there," I pointed at the necklace, "And there," I pointed to his hearts.

He hugged me unexpectedly, but of course I didn't mind. I hugged right back, a hidden smile on my face. I glanced at the hologram, feeling slightly guilty that I enjoyed this hug in one of her favorite places.

But then she winked...

I looked at her oddly, shaking it off as the Doctor pulled back, "So, you'll take it?"

He nodded, "I'll honor her with it."

"Good," I looked around, finding nothing else to look at, "Should we get going then?"

He sighed and looked at the hologram, "Yeah, she's been disturbed enough."

"Thank you Kaeya..." I said quietly, feeling awkward.

She was dead and here I was trying to get her boyfriend. I wasn't exactly the best person right now...

But the hologram flashed a smile and held out her hand to her right, the ice wall sliding to the side, "Thank you."

"Doctor, how can she understand us if there's no more programming?"

"Kaeya's final orders, I suppose."

"Yeah but she acts weird..."

"She's just doing what she's programmed to do."

"But she winked at me!"

He laughed, pushing me for the new passageway, "Yeah, right."

"But she did!" I glanced back at the hologram, seeing her smile and wink again, "Look!" I turned him around but the damn thing reverted back to its blank state, "Do it again!"

She glanced at us, as if studying us, before uttering three words that would break a piece of my heart, "I loved you. I will find you one day."

I looked at her for a moment, never hating myself so much for being right, "Told you," I turned around and began walking for the passageway.

~0~

"There you are!" Martha greeted us with big hugs when we met her and Mayar in a cave. But then she caught the whiff of the snow mud and immediately backed away, pinching her nose,"What is that?"

"Snow mud," the Doctor replied, nodding, "Leaves a good scent for a couple of months."

"You mean you're both going to be smelling like that for MONTHS?"

"My reaction exactly," I nodded.

"We're used to it," the Doctor shrugged, "You'll be too."

"Okay..." she said, unconvinced as she returned to Mayar, "There's no perfume or anything?"

"No ma'am," he replied, quite amused. It seemed like he was in a much better mood now and of course it had to be because of Martha. She was wonderful like that!

"Yeah, we'll see about that," she shook her head.

"Where did you two go?" he asked us.

The Doctor and I glanced at each other, both having agreed before finding the two to keep Kaeya's sanctuary a secret. She had let us in for a reason and that means she didn't want anyone else to know about it.

"We went to the lake," I answered, "Lovely by the way."

"Ah," Mayar nodded, his hard look returning as he looked at the Doctor.

"You know your princess would disagree with how you're treating him," I said to Mayar, earning an equal harden look back. I felt bad for ruining Martha's work but I would not allow him to make the Doctor feel bad again.

"Minerva," the Doctor placed a hand on my shoulder, "It's alright-"

"No!" I shook his hand off, "It's not. Your princess, your granddaughter, Mayar, would be very disappointed in you."

"You don't know anything about her!" he snapped, stepping up.

"You wanna bet?" I laughed bitterly, stepping up as well.

"Minerva," the Doctor called from behind, reminding me of our agreement.

"I know she had a fascination for my planet, and do you know what was her favorite thing? The peace and harmony we had. And do you know why we had that? Because we were always together. But look at you, you're old, and bitter. You make yourself out to be the lonely victim and you blame the last person of the species that killed your family. But guess what? The fact is you're not alone, your people are still out there, living a good life. Why don't you go after them?"

"Because I don't have a family..." he answered me, barely above a whisper.

"Family isn't just those related by blood. It's having good friends who care about you just like a family would. So instead of blaming people for what happened to your planet, why don't you go and find your own people who thankfully survived because of Kaeya? The Doctor was not responsible for it and I'll be damned if I ever hear that again."

He took in my words, seeming to actually think about it. And I sure hoped he would.

Martha, seeing the tension rising to a brink, moved beside again, clearly breathing through her mouth, "Why don't we go look around instead? There was some drawings in the entrance of the cave that I'm sure you'd love to see, Minerva."

I glanced at the Doctor, seeing he was in no more spirit to be on this planet, "Why don't we go home instead? I think I got enough."

"You sure?"

I nodded, whispering, "Believe me. I got more than I bargained for."

She blinked, not getting. I mouthed 'talk later' then gestured for her to start walking.

~0~

Back in the TARDIS, I was able to write a story with what Martha was able to get from Mayar and from what I got from the Doctor, lots of Kaeya. Afterwards, Martha and I sat in the console, me telling her everything that had happened to the Doctor and I while on the Monsoon. I did burst into sobs a few times here and there but she was really good at comforting.

"So, Kaeya actually loved him?" Martha blinked, taking in the most important aspect of the story, the necklace not so much of her concern for some reason.

"She said she'd find him one day..." I whispered.

"But she's...dead!" Martha got quiet for a second as she thought then nodded, "Yeah, dead!"

"Well if you think about it, her body was never found..."

'Don't deduct, she's dead."

"I can't help it. If she's alive and she finds the Doctor...Martha," I teared up again, "They loved each other. It's going to be the repetition of Rose and this time, I won't be able to handle it."

It was true. When Rose was around, my feelings weren't the same and so as bothered as I was with her and the Doctor, I wasn't heartbroken. But if it were to happen now, where my feelings stand, I don't know what I'd do. Of course, I wouldn't stand between them, I couldn't. I'd let them be happy, because if the Doctor was happy then I would be to...for him.

"Minerva, I don't know what to say anymore," Martha sighed, looking completely lost for words now. That was a first, "But...are you okay?"

"Honestly Martha, I don't know," I shrugged, really not knowing how I felt about this, "I mean, on the one hand, I feel completely jealous and angry towards Kaeya but on the other hand, I understand her and I'm so sorry that she died."

"That seems normal. I probably would feel the same."

"Does it make me a bad person if I'm angry with a dead girl? Just because she happened to love the same man that I fell for?

She smiled softly, shaking her head, "No because that same person that's angry just finished up a story on the other girl. Plus, it's not like you'd kill her for it. It's natural to be jealous."

"Still, I can't help feel guilty for it."

"Don't be," she gestured to my notebook, "No more guilt. Because you're incredibly sweet and on another occasion, you two would have been good friends."

"I swear, if she ever did come back and the Doctor loved her and wanted to be with her, I wouldn't dare step between them. Ever. Because if she was the one that made the Doctor happy then I'd be happy too."

"See, it's that trait that makes you different from Rose," Martha pointed, leaving me perplexed onto how we moved onto Rose now.

"What? ...what?"

"You know my disdain for her, but apart from all that, I truly believed she was selfish. She treated you badly because she thought, she assumed, you liked the Doctor."

"She was just jealous..."

"But did she ever stop to wonder that maybe the reason why the Doctor was more...close..." she tried finding the right word but by the face she was making it was clear that she hadn't found it.

"We weren't close," I corrected quietly, remembering just how distant the Martian and I actually were in those days, "He didn't even know my name."

"'Close' wasn't the word I wanted but he interacted better with you," she paused for a moment, probably trying to think of better words but once again came up with nothing, "And I don't think Rose ever stopped to think that maybe he actually liked you back then."

"He did not," I informed flatly, knowing it was a fact.

"Yes, but maybe it was developing at that time," Martha clarified, "Maybe he didn't even know it. And hey, maybe you didn't even notice. But the biggest difference between you and Rose is that you would never be rude to Kaeya nor treat her the way Rose treated you because you shared the same affection for the Doctor. You would step back and allow the Doctor to be happy with whomever he chooses."

"I would, I really would step back," I whispered, looking down as I felt tears prick in my eyes, forcing themselves free.

"And that's what Rose didn't do," Martha said softly, offering a smile of comfort, "She was rude to you and she made it seem like it was your fault. She never stopped to wonder what the Doctor wanted. It was just what Rose wanted. That's pretty selfish of her."

"Thanks Martha," I hugged her, "You have no idea how much of good friend you are. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be completely lost with your feelings for the alien," she chuckled.

"Very," I agreed as I pulled back, "Martha, I'm so sorry for what I said after we left McDonnell's ship. I didn't mean to be rude to you and-"

She raised a hand, stopping my apology midway, "I get it, don't worry."

"But I'm really sorry," I insisted, "You have been nothing but kind to me and not to mention patient with this new dilemma in my life concerning my blood. I'm very sorry."

"Minerva, it's okay," she assured, "If I was mad, I wouldn't have gotten the Doctor to come and talk. I know what you were saying was out of the moment. It's fine."

"Oh Martha," I hugged her again, "You're such a good friend to me!"

"Hey, I'm just glad you're feeling better. After everything from the ship, you've been a little, um..." she made a face, possibly trying to be cautious of her words.

"Emotional, crazy, mess, wreck, yeah," I sighed, "I do feel a lot better, though. It was just the hype of the moment...but I'm better...progress..."

"It's not all better, though, huh?"

I shook my head, "It's too much, Martha. One day, I'm going to break."

"No you won't, because your friends are here for you."

"Thank you," I smiled.

""Minerva?" we heard the Doctor call, making us look over and see him by the corridor's threshold, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

By the look he wore it seemed he had found something interesting in the necklace. I glanced at Martha, smiling apologetically for leaving her.

"You know what," she stood up, "We were done anyways. Take my place," she gestured to the empty spot beside me before walking off.

The Doctor waited for her to be a good distance in the corridors before approaching me and taking out the necklace, "So I studied..." he took the seat Martha had left, "...and turns out it does need to be kept hidden."

"Why?"

"Remember that crystal with Lazarus?"

"Yeah..."

"It's made out of the same material. I think this necklace came from that crystal."

"And...what would that mean, exactly?"

"I don't know, the crystal changed Lazarus, remember? It unlocks, it heals, it makes certain genes dominant."

"Why would Kaeya make it into a necklace, then?" I frowned, so lost there were no coherent thoughts in my head.

"There's something more," he stared at the necklace, "Its registering large amounts of energy, like there's something living inside it."

"That's not possible," I shook my head.

"I don't mean actual life," he shrugged, his gaze still locked on it, "Maybe the energy is large enough to create life."

"You know, maybe it's registering spirit energy," I wiggled my fingers, getting a smile out of him, "You know? Like that paranormal stuff when they're hunting for ghosts. Like in the movies where the spirits look after things that should never fall in the wrong hands."

He raised an eyebrow, "...now you've gone too far. You've been watching too many movies."

"Just Scary Movie Two," I shrugged.

"No more," he pointed.

"Let's focus on the necklace, shall we?" I took it by the chains, avoiding the symbols which seemed to want to hurt me for some reason, "I suppose she made the necklace thinking in you," I looked at the two suns, understanding Kaeya's curiosity for them, "She really loved you..."

"Don't say that," he whispered, staring at the necklace sadly.

"It hurts, doesn't it? To lose someone you love." It didn't matter if it was love for your family or romantic love, love was love, and any time you lose someone it hurt millions. And I understood that perfectly with Liv and my grandfather.

"Please don't..."

"Why don't you accept that you love her?" I found myself asking the same question Martha had annoyed me with, now fully understanding the need to just know why one would refuse to accept feelings that were so clear.

"Because, I...no," he shook his head, looking as if it actually pained him to even think of the possibility.

"Doctor, it's alright to admit it. Sure, it could hurt because she's not with us anymore, but..." I stopped when he shook his head even harder, "...Doctor?"

"I'm so confused," he mumbled, shutting his eyes and leaning back on his seat.

I frowned at the way he looked, so pained and really...disdained. I just wanted to comfort him, maybe like Martha did to me, but I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to hug him, and all these things a friend couldn't say like how much I cared for him, how precious he was, and most of all, I couldn't kiss him til he was better.

"Minerva," he opened his eyes, opening his mouth to say something.

"Yes?"

But he closed his mouth and shook his head, "No, nothing."

"Doctor, you know you can talk to me about Kaeya whenever you want," even if it broke me inside, "Whenever you need a little reminder that it wasn't your fault, I'm here."

I managed to get a dim smile from him, "Thank you," he sat up, "And actually, I've yet to thank you for sticking up for me today. You looked so sure of what you were saying..."

"Because I am sure. I know it wasn't your fault. Mayar should be ashamed of how he treated you. Kaeya wouldn't have approved."

"Thank you," he said sincerely, "I'm just sorry I didn't get to show you the planet so you could write."

"Oh! That wasn't a problem, actually, cos looook," I picked up my journal beside me and waved it for him to see, "Guess what I just finished?"

"You wrote something?" he took it from me and opened it up.

"Star-Crossed, I call it," I watched him open the first page, "A tale of two people who became the best of friends despite of the differences of their people. Sounds a bit cliche but I changed it up. You're a Martian," I smirked as his face fell.

"I'm a...what?"

"Martian."

"You didn't."

"But I did," I nodded, my smirk threatening to turn into a big laugh.

"Minerva!"

"Kaeya remains of the monsoon and the moon."

"Why'd you make me a Martian?"

"Because I thought it'd be funny...and I knew it'd tick you off."

"Minerva!"

I started to laugh, "I'm really not sorry, though."

He sighed, so crossed yet not uttering another word for a minute or two as he skimmed a few pages, "Is that Martha?" he pointed at a paragraph that contained her name.

"Yes, it is. You can't expect me not to write in my best friend."

"I don't see a Minerva in here," and he skimmed more pages, "Why not?"

"Um...there was no purpose for one," I shrugged.

I did think of writing myself into the story but it actually pained me to write myself in a story where I still couldn't have the Doctor. Instead, I made Martha Kaeya's best friend, and the Doctor the one she loved...which she did.

"There's always a purpose for one," the Doctor mumbled as he continued his search for a name that would never pop up.

"Not in here there wasn't," I sighed, "But I think it turned out really well if you wanna give it a proof read before I turn it in."

"I'd love to," he handed back the journal.

"What?"

"Read it to me," he gestured, "The author should read her own work."

"Is my audience going to listen or cut me off at the end of each sentence?"

He raised a hand, making a promise, "I shall wait until the end to give my opinions."

"And constructive criticism? Because it'd be really useful. My writing grades aren't that hot right now, so...yeah?"

He nodded, "Til the end."

"Okay then, I hope Kaeya likes this. I know she thought Earth's fairy tales weren't good because they were unlikely. But, I believe I wrote her one that maybe she could dream up where she is. And in this story, she gets a happy ending."

He looked at me for a moment, making me question whether I had angered him or not, "You did that for her?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, "Yeah. She deserved a good ending and in this one she'll get it. Hopefully this is one fairy tale she'll like."

He smiled, "You did that for her...you're incredible."

I smiled, looking at my notebook to hide my blush, "Am I now..."

"Let's see, you listened to my ridiculous fantasy with a princess, went with me through a cave we had no idea what we'd find, but most of all made me see that I wasn't to blame for her death. And on top of that, you wrote a story about us. Yeah, you're incredible."

"You always say such things..."

"Because you always do such things."

"Well, thank you," I exhaled a bit shakily that I hoped he hadn't noticed, "So, shall I read?" he nodded, gesturing for me to begin, "Alright..."

But as I read, through the biggest smile I think I ever had, I felt his look on me the whole time.

And I hoped Kaeya would forgive me because I truly loved the attention I received from him and even if she were to pop around any time, things wouldn't change. I'd still enjoy his attention. But I promised myself one thing, and I intended to do so: if Kaeya was alive, and she returned, I would leave the TARDIS for good. Because under no circumstances would I be a third wheel again.

No more.

[fyeahwaywardvictorians]

Some ramblings about the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls and Victorian attitudes towards women and suicide

Despite it being my main hyperfixation at the moment, one of the things that bugs me about the asylum book is the framing of Emily’s suicide attempt as an act of rebellion against society.

Throughout my years of obsessing over Victorian culture, one thing that comes up again and again is the disturbing implication that suicide was considered the inevitable, or even honorable, course of action for certain women--namely those who lost their virginity before marriage, or “fallen women” as they were often referred to.

The romanticized depictions of women drowning themselves that are discussed--and unintentionally(?) perpetuated--in the book, existed not in spite of attitudes towards female suicide, but because of them. Because a woman’s role in Victorian society was that of a wife and mother, one who was made unsuitable for such a role by premarital sex--even in the case of rape--would be viewed as a burden on society at best, and an actively destructive influence at worst.

Don’t get me wrong here; there was absolutely a stigma against suicide regardless of circumstances, and it is historically accurate that Emily would be shamed and sent to the asylum for it. It was a classic “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” kind of double bind.

Probably the most blatant instance of a fallen woman’s suicide being romanticized in Victorian literature comes from Thomas Hood’s poem, The Bridge of Sighs, which is essentially an ode to the corpse of a prostitute. An excerpt:

Make no deep scrutiny Into her mutiny Rash and undutiful: Past all dishonour Death has left on her Only the beautiful.

The clear implication here is that the woman in question has been at least partially redeemed by her suicide. (Note that this poem was controversial for being too sympathetic to prostitutes.)

Likewise, Charles Dickens tended to treat the suicides of fallen women as tragic, but more or less inevitable. In Oliver Twist, the prostitute Nancy remarks:

How  many  times  do  you  read  of  such  as  me  who  spring  into the  tide,  and  leave  no  living  thing  to  care  for  or  bewail them.  It may  be  years  hence,  or  it  may  be  only  months,  but I shall  come  to  that  at last.

It’s worth noting that, on the whole, Nancy is portrayed sympathetically, and that she ultimately dies by murder rather than suicide. (She is brutally beaten to death by her pimp.)

Regardless of how much sympathy they receive from their authors, the majority of fallen woman in Victorian literature die by the end of the stories they feature in, either by suicide or circumstance. The title character of Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary swallows arsenic after a string of extravagant spending and extramarital affairs. In Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Grey, Dorian’s first major crime is unceremoniously dumping his fiance for petty reasons, resulting in her suicide. The breaking of the engagement is framed as being equivalent to murder, implying that suicide is the inevitable fate of a woman scorned. 

Those who do not die by suicide are killed off by illness or circumstance, usually after a great deal of suffering. Examples include the eponymous character of Elizabeth Gaskell’s Mary Barton, and Lady Isobel in Ellen Wood’s East Lynne.

Even rape victims are not exempt. More the most part, Thomas Hardy’s novel Tess of D’Ubervilles is a deconstruction of the fallen woman trope; the title character is described by the author as “a pure woman,” and the mistreatment that she experiences as a result of being raped is overtly framed as an injustice on the part of society. Nonetheless, she is hanged after killing her rapist. 

Even the few fallen women who are not killed by their authors suffer for their actions, and typically deliver a monologue or two about their suicidal feelings. Charles Dickens includes two characters of this archetype, Martha Endell and Emily Peggotty, in David Copperfield. Although both are ultimately redeemed, they express deep shame and suicidal feelings.

Standing at the edge of the Thames, Martha exclaims:

I know that I belong to it. I know that it’s the natural company of such as I am! It comes from country places, where there was once no harm in it—and it creeps through the dismal streets, defiled and miserable—and it goes away, like my life, to a great sea, that is always troubled—and I feel that I must go with it!

In the same scene:

How can I go on as I am, a solitary curse to myself, a living disgrace to everyone I come near!

In the same novel, Emily Peggotty runs away from home in disgrace after a one night stand. She mentions on a few occasions that that she considers her disgrace to be a fate worse than death. Later on, her rival Rosa Dartle outright suicide-baits her:

‘Hide yourself... if not at home, somewhere. Let it be somewhere beyond reach; in some obscure life—or, better still, in some obscure death. I wonder, if your loving heart will not break, you have found no way of helping it to be still! I have heard of such means sometimes. I believe they may be easily found.’    

Although both Martha Endell and Emily Peggotty are implied to live out full, normal lives, they must flee to Australia in order to escape their own reputations.

Circling back to Emily with a Y and the Asylum, I agree with the book’s assertion that Emily and Anne’s suicide attempt was by no means an act of madness or even mental illness in the modern sense, but I don’t think it was an assertion of defiance or the most rational way of dealing with the situation, either.

Simply put, they were manipulated into it. Not only by the Count DeRothsburg--given that several of his previous victims wound up in the Asylum, and the fact that having any witnesses to his crimes going insane and/or killing themselves would be very convenient for him, it would not be unreasonable to suspect that he intentionally drove them to suicide--but by a society that saw little use for the victims of sexual exploitation.

This interpretation works from the standpoint of character arc, as well. The first time she is victimized, Emily naively assumes that suicide is her only option. By the climax of the novel, she has learned to question social norms and recognize the systemic injustice that pushed her to that conclusion, and, with this knowledge, she instead makes the decision to destroy these institutions rather than herself, and ultimately comes out victorious.

(Until the contrived mass suicide at the ending, which pretty much obliterates all that, so I’m just gonna pretend it’s non-canon.)

Note: Here’s some sources/more reading on the fallen woman archetype and Victorian attitudes towards suicide, in case you’re as nerdy as I am and wanted to read more:

https://opus.uleth.ca/bitstream/handle/10133/241/MR17382.pdf?sequence=3&isAllowed=y

http://www.victorianweb.org/books/suicide/07.html

[causalityparadoxes]

Doctor Who Tagging Game

Tagged by @popcornpages88 and @incorrect-doctorwho. I have been tagged by two (2) separate people so now I have to do it. But seriously ty for tagging me this was really fun to do.

(Sorry this is so long. I ramble A Lot.)

Favourite Doctor: Twelve!! I LOVE HIM! Especially later in his run but I still love him at the beginning too. He's just so lovely but also ready to snark. Plus his character (and hair) growth is just wonderful. Second fave is Eleven, since he was the first doctor I watched where I was old enough to really appreciate the story

Favourite Master: mmm... Missy! I'm not even sure why really, she's just magnetic. Delgado is a close second though! Which I mostly attribute to how many times I watched the Sea Devils when I was younger, haha.

Favourite Sonic: Eleven's one. I find the clicking mechanism really satisfying. Plus is the colours are nice?

Favourite Companion: DONnNaAaaa... noble. I love her so, so, much. She's wonderful and ready 2 fite. Her relationship with ten is just so close and strong, without any need for romance. It's brilliant.

Favourite Episode: Tough one. Really, really, tough one. Maybe Empty Child/Doctor Dances? That one is brilliant. It absolutely terrified me as a kid. I love how creepy it is while still having so much humour. Also the ending is really sweet. Love a happy ending me.

(Weird site note: but when I was younger I used to think Rose said the Doctor should have more 'spock' as in a misspronouniation of 'spunk'. So you can imagine my shock when I later realised it was a Star Trek reference lol.)

Favourite Soundtrack: 'I am the Doctor' is definitely my all time favourite. It so bouncy and has all the right nostalgia.

My top 13 favourites (eyy) in no particular order (other than the obvious) are: I am the Doctor, Madame De Pompadour, Amy's theme, Impossible astronant, Martha's theme, Gallifrey Our Childhood Home, Clara's theme, A Dazzling End, Song of Freedom, Rose's theme, Shepards Boy, Doomsday, and Bad Wolf (which I know is actually Nine's theme but I'm sorry it's Bad Wolf to me.).

Dream actor for the next male/female Doctor: For female definitely Jo Martin. I don't care how they do it but I want it. She had so many good doctor vibes and she wasn't even on screen for more than 20 minutes. Other than that, I guess I just want a good actor? I've heard a few people suggest Colin Morgan and if we get another guy I think he'd be cool.

Dream Composer: Really dont know enough about music composers to choose... Though honestly Murray Gold was the dream.

Dream story: I'm very much a moment to moment forgets ideas two second after I thought them kind of person so I don't have anything concrete but.

1: a multi doctor story, with Donna, Clara, and Bill. (Or any one of them). Where the subplot is 13 struggling with guilt and making herself not stop a future that has already happened. Maybe 12 also feels guilt over Clara & Donna and 11 feels guilt over Donna and all their half hearted attempts to stop the past get interrupted by each other. Idk I just want Angst. (In this scenario 10 would just be getting gradually more worried about his future lmao)

2: I saw an amazing thread (link here) about the next Doctor & Master regenerating at the same time in the Tardis and both getting amnesia. Basically neither of them know which one is which and the entire story is them working together to figure out who they are... While they also deal with an alien threat. I love the idea that, because they're both bastards and two sides of the same coin, you literally can't tell who's who until the reveal. Bonus points if the main foreshadowing of their actual identity is that the Doctor is played by someone substantially taller.

Companion you'd like to see back: oh Ace, definitely. I think it would be wonderful if there was a 'School Reunion' (without the jealously though please) esque episode. It would be really fun to see her interact with a newer companion like Yaz. I've seen screenshots of a story I believe Sophie Aldred wrote(?) and yeah something like that.

Tagging, @dw-textposts, @queerconfusionthings, @oxbowreality, @alyona11, @bootstrapparadoxed, @uselesstimelords, @starlightanddragons, @being-of-rain, @the-patrex, @stillthesunkenstars, @yesokayiknow, @imnotgivingmynametoacomputer, @madfanboyinablueblog

Only if you want to ofc! Don't feel like you have to do it. I just like seeing other people's opinions :)