#I was able to get my inhaler
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Almost died of a severe asthma attack yesterday. I went for a run, forgot air gets drier and thinner when it’s cold, left my inhaler in my room. I stopped the run early to go to my room and get my inhaler, but I couldn’t get the drawer open, so I started panicking, and that only made my attack worse.
I’m all good now except I feel this overwhelming urge to pray constantly and go to church. Not quite sure why. Idk what it means. But that’s a thing now, just like a random life update ig.
#maybe it’s because when I was dying I cried out to God to help me#despite not identifying as any religion for a while#except right after I called on God I was saved#I was able to get my inhaler#which let me breathe long enough to get help#tw death mention#tw death#near death experience#tw near death#asthma#asthma attack#tw religion#religion#religion mention#tw religion mention#also this is the closest I’ve been to death since becoming a fictive#it’s not fun#I don’t like it#it’s scary#when you know that if you die it’s over#you get this primal urge to survive#I never had that before#I didn’t like almost dying
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So I always, always have my phone on me because I have various health issues that could make me end up on the floor so it's a safety thing for me, so I can always call for help. I'm not sure how common that is though?
This poll partially inspired by conversations with my grandma, who does not keep her phone or her Life Alert button thing with her but probably should
#the person behind the yarn#based partially on a conversation with my grandma#who does think it's kind of weird I always have my phone in reach#like. ALWAYS. my phone is ALWAYS in reach#the only exception is if I am in the same room as a family member and get up to like go get a snack or something#I might leave my phone on the couch while I do that but only if I am either in line of sight#or will definitely be heard if I fall#like. I have not fallen and not been able to reach a phone often?#just the one time but it was a memorable experience#well okay twice but one time I was in earshot of my dad#and another time I had a bad asthma attack and couldn't stand up to get my inhaler#but did have my phone in my pocket so I was able to call for help#so like. I ALWAYS have my phone charged and in my pocket
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WHO IS THAT AUTHOR WHO WRITES ABOUT SOLOSIM.. I NEED TO READ MORE….

omg I would love to tell you but MY DUMBASS CAN'T FIND IT 😡😡🤬🤬😡🤬 euuwhheehheiahwhehdifhhjgh..... I know I'm depressed too... so thats why I'm giving every single solosim fic i've read and I will probably add more lmao becuz I am tired so I'll do it like tmrw maybe:
even if you are not immune
Lather, Shave, Rinse (the cause of my depression 💔)
The Angel On Your Shoulder
Messy First Drafts
1. An Ending
Let Me Sleep
... If you've seen em before, sorry but. Yeah that's it for me GOODDNIIGHHTTT
#satang got a crush#solosim#solomeon#simsolo#solomon x simeon#simeon x solomon#the sheep that goes baa talks#the sheep gets asked#obey me#cough cough AHHH I LOVE THEMCMCHSNAJD#still so mad of not being able to find that person... augrgrhhhh....#ship so rare i inhale the same fics everyday#ship so rare my posts are the most recent posts on the tag#ship so rare i-
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I was really hoping we'd get a deeper exploration into the trauma of the Tenno children and how they were exploited when New War threw up that content warning but it was really just the one scene where you make the deal with Wally.
#girlbob.txt#warframe#the new war#which was good dont get me wrong but i thought we were gonna delve deep enough to actually warrant such a cw#i cant remember what exactly it was but it made the quest sound much darker than it was#the tenno kids are my favorite underexplored part of the story tbh#wish we'd meet some of the others and be able to bond with them#*inhales to say more and then walks away*
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Me: damn why do I feel so awful today
My anti-feel-awful-medication I haven't taken for multiple days staring at me from the other side of the room:

#Crazy how that one happens#It's really annoying tho cuz I used to be so good at taking my meds!!#And then I was ill for 4 weeks straight and haven't been able to get back into the routine again 💔#Sorry sertraline and lansoprazole 💔💔💔#And also like my inhaler I'm meant to do everyday but I haven't touched in like a year... It's fine my asmtha's manageable without it!!#Personal shit
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Now that I can eat food again maybe I’ll finally finish reading dungeon meshi 😭🙏
#nulls ramblings#I stopped a while ago for other reasons but only being able to have liquids/mushy foods for like 2 & a half weeks has got me wanting#to get back into the food of it all especially brhfndgdn#idk if I’ve actually said anything abt any of that actually?? tw hospital medical stuff swallowing things ?#accidentally swallowed/inhaled a pin while hemming pants#perforated my esophagus & was in my throat for 13 hrs but no surgery needed & I was in the hospital for a couple days#then on liquids/mush for 2 & a half weeks ish but I’m able to eat more solid foods now and man#I am eyeing the dungeon meshi food so hard
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What if we all carpool to DC? Encourage people to stop what they're doing and join us. Inform people of what is going on along the way.
Along the way, we enjoy the diverse culture of America. Make new friends. Gain new memories.
Then, once in DC, throw the hugest protest anyone has seen. A peaceful protest of everyone getting along, sharing food and supplies... singing songs and dancing around, having a good time.
#right now it's just a dream#America needs just one more great big celebration of what it is#us politics#unite#love wins#driving overstimulates me#I really want to travel and see the world#the main thing that is stopping me is my inhaler being out of stock#my pharmacist hasn't been able to restock it in weaks#I finally get to see my doctor tomorrow
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ive been so stressed out and depressed. and i think accidentally missing medication doses the last couple days hasn't helped.
#i think stressing over my mom fucking up my aquarium and like#having to muster up the courage to buy a tank stanf and take back what's mine into my bedroom#because im afraid she'll get belligerent or even violent over something that isn't even hers#snd thay she's abusing the privilege of it even being in the living room#what years of physical and mental abuse does to a mf#someday ill finally be in a position. to get away from her. and be free. and finally be myself and transition#or ill just kill myself. i don't know.#my life is. fucking miserable.#and the stress of having to work in the kitchen during fucking football season is not helping me. at all.#i fucking hate football#american greed and gluttony at its peak#the constant inhalation of fucking hot wing sauces today was making my throat close up#anfi had a panic attack kn the bathroom because people care more about making profits they'll never see#than making sure im even able to keep the fucking kitchen clean#and the little assistance i got just left even more mess for me to clean#WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE MAKE SUCH A MASSIVE MESS IN THE KITCHEN COMPARED TO ME.....#im so stressed im gonna turn into a corn cob#hades.txt
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sometimes I believe that My tendency to avoid telling My family when I'm having health issues is just the result of avoidant cognitive distortions, but then I actually do it, get told that it's "normal" and/or a lifestyle issue, and realize the real cognitive distortion was expecting help at all -_-
#personal#I'm struggling to breathe and My heart rate is high. inhaler doesn't help. go tell My mom about it and she says#1. try again. 2. drink water. 3. eat a mint. 4. I'm getting fat#and then last time I told her about this same issue she said#1. I have anxiety from too much silence (I'm auditorily hypersensitive? noise gives Me anxiety not the other way around)#2. I'm so sedentary that it's only natural that standing up would give Me tachycardia (I obviously stand up multiple times a day everyday)#3. I don't need a therapist (which I've been asking for) I need a physician#and it's just a ton of excuses to deny what I'm saying. because how is it just in My head but I need a physician?? make up your mind#am I crazy or sick. it's literally just whatever makes Me look like I need the least intervention in that moment#medical neglect is a bitch man. it's not even that she doesn't want Me to be healthy. she absolutely does#but she just never wants to believe that it's THAT bad. I can't have anxiety because it's just cabin fever#I can't be delusional because I'm just spiritually gifted. I can't have an arrhythmia because I'm just fat. so on and so forth#she constantly doubts that I'm doing anything for My health on My own (I literally asked for a fitness boxing game this christmas#and yet she doesn't believe that I exercise in My own time until I outright tell her)#and never believes that I'm suffering beyond something that can easily be solved. it's so patronizing#she acts like I've never heard of breathing exercises for anxiety or exercise for hypertension. everyone knows that!!#you acknowledge that I know so much EXCEPT when Me being knowledgeable on a subject would mean that I'd be able to recognize when My health#is failing. once she said she thought I had hypochondria as a child and I increasingly believe that influences how she sees My health today#she said she never told a doctor because she didn't want Me to be dismissed in adulthood and yet she does that same thing to Me#and honestly I do get anxious about My health! I developed contamination OCD when I was fucking eight!#but that doesn't mean that I'm just being compulsive whenever I suggest a need for medical/psychiatric attention!
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forgot that i like reading. amazing
#sat down w a queer horror anthology over lunch. maybe i will actually get to my book backlog in 2025#i honestly think the reason i dislike my writing these days is bc i used to inhale books#but its been years since i was last able to just. read one.#idk. its nice to have smth to roll around in my head for a while#pointless post
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what if there were drugs that worked and were not bad. Would that be cool or what.
#I'm in a side effects hell of my own making#me when I can't breathe good: oh right I have an inhaler for this!#me 10 minutes later suffering every side effect at once: oh right that's why i don't fucking take this#Not every side effect. I don't get any of the dangerous ones. But it Feels Bad man!!#Briefly excited that I was able to find robust information on asthma meds beyond albuterol#Dashed when i realized most of the recommendations are around fluticasone which I had an exciting rare side effect from#Which my doctor at the time was a total butt about 'that doesn't happen' but guess what I found in the medical literature!#Also an article talking about albuterol side effects that was like#'side effects are rare! 1 in 5 users report tremors and also another 20% report jitters; anxiety; racing thoughts...'#I don't know what you think rare means.
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Smoked one (1) cigarette I found on the ground in votv immediately got cancer and dr.kel is still coughing an in-game week later literally grow up dude
#mort.txt#men used to build houses. men used to win wars. but now? now you smoke 1 ciggy you found on a desk in the woods n get lung cancer#i did admittedly fuck around with that shit lit in my mouth for like 4 hours so he definitely inhaled the burning filter#(cancer is just the in-game terminology for ur max hp getting decreased btw u also get it from radiation.#cigs stop ur stamina from going down for a while so it worth it if ur at like 15 sleep in the woods)#small price to pay to be able to drunk drive while smoking on the atv doing hash codes tbh
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I hate the fact that warrior cats has such a grip on me. I ADORED this series when i was 12 years old, I devoured this crap and many other ya novels; but now, over a decade later whenever I randomly pick up a book to read I can barely force myself to read 100 pages let alone more. EXCEPT FOR WARRIOR CATS lmao, give me a bestseller to read and I dont know if I'll finish it no matter how damn interesting, the moment I randomly pick up a warriors book I devour the whole thing in like a day or two. Nice to know my taste is still cringe
#warrior cats#very random post but I had to get it out here#i vividly remember not being able to finish a random murakami book#and then i finished moonrise in like a day#I INHALED IT#i vividly remember waiting for my train after college and reading the damn thing#too fucking old for warriors too immature for anything else smh#anyhow I never read the whole 8 series or whatever cause honestly im a bit scared to let my impulse go that far#and i think this cat hell has had enough of a grip on me#my taste is cringe or erin hunter is using some witchcraft on these books
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just like blacked out and fell down in the bathroom so hard that I can barely walk. parkour
#not really sure what happened#i have a twice daily flovent inhaler which is like a medication inhaler#and sometimes when im holding my breath after breathing it in i get rlly dizzy and start shaking uncontrollably#for like a couple of minutes sometimes too. idk what it is#but today that happened and then i remember like. seeing the cabinets as i hit the ground#and then they pain hit and i started screaming which i was very vaguely aware of but idk i was really disoriented#and my partner ran in and was obviously very freaked out. i finally fully came to and realized i must've fallen#my toothbrush and toothpaste were on the ground bc i was just abt to brush the flovent out of my mouth#i scraped the fuck out of my knees and arm. my toes mustve bent way too far bc i can barely move them. must've landed hard on my knees too#one of my wrists and my neck are also fucked up. not really sure what happened there#very freaked out tho! my partner too! not rlly sure how im gonna explain the pain to my pt tomorrow...... hope im able to walk better#formerly ori/ons/belts
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hi hi hiiii ( •ω•ฅ).。.:*♡ sobs im so sorry i wasn’t on a whole bunch today :< i forgot we had a new person starting at work today & it was so so v busy!! ໒꒰ྀི ϱ॔﹏ᵕ๑॓ ꒱ྀིა but overall my day went p fast & was v good!! :3 i hope your day was the best ever!!
#i just INHALED a bowl of rigitoni & now i am in a food coma _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_ but im home from work & cozy in bed!!#the new guy is p cool! & he is p funny which helps a ton ૮꒰ྀི ∩៸៸៸∩ ꒱ྀིა lmaosksk#but we were BUSY!! :((( & i didnt get to all of my asks & i am kickin myself!! T^T but tmrw i go in late so i should be able to answer em!!#my car still isn’t done yet either ૮₍⇀‸↼‶₎ა even when they said it would be ready!!! so i hope its done tmrw morn so i dont have to uber!!#i hope everybun had a v great dayyyy!! ໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝´ ˘ `⸝⸝꒱ྀི১ ilyasm!!!#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!
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Extremely fucked up that like half the symptoms of albuterol overdose before you hit the seizure level are also just asthma attack symptoms
#im fine btw im monitoring how much im taking but i havent been able to get my daily inhaler for a couple of days#so the emergency inhaler like. isnt working at all 😮💨#itll peter out and ill be able to get the other inhaler in the morning but JEEZ#im like. paranoid about albuterol overdosing though bc my brother did it once and it was Not Pleasant#i really need to get my own nebulizer for times like this
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