#I was able to do it the first time even though the thought made me nauseous to be fair. but now it feels worse i think | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vitalverstappen · 5 hours ago

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Flash Forward - M. Verstappen (part two)

summary: The world of F1 is never easy. Throw in your childhood enemy and a new coworker you can't quite get a read on? You're in for a wild season.

pairing: Max Verstappen x fem!reader (Ferrari photographer, graffiti artist, childhood enemies), Charles Leclerc x platonic fem!reader, Logan Sargeant x platonic fem!reader

warnings: swearing, drinking, use of y/n, google translated Dutch, inaccurate descriptions of the Ferrari factory (literally couldn’t find ANY photos), mild slut shaming, brief mention of Jos Verstappen. Some of the race results are slightly inaccurate to fit the storyline. Sue me.

a/n: part 2 is finally here!!! Hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as i did writing it!

word count: 24.7k

masterlist

part one

Warnings: use of y/n, google translated Dutch, inaccurate descriptions of the Ferrari factory (literally couldn’t find ANY photos), some slut shaming, Some of the race results are slightly inaccurate to fit the storyline. Sue me.

Monte Carlo, Monaco

The smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies filled your apartment as the oven timer beeped. You got up from your spot on the floor, past the dozens of half unpacked boxes that littered the floor, and transferred the treats from the oven to a cooling rack.

The offseason had treated you well so far. Charles and Alexandra had helped you pick out an apartment in Monaco, you had visited your friends and family back home, and you hadn’t seen a single gossip page post about you and a certain Dutchman.

Charles, Alexandra, and yourself were in the middle of attempting to unpack your stuff. You were grateful for the two of them helping you, but the building you had chosen felt oddly familiar. Though a finger couldn’t be placed on why it did.

“What are you even doing with all of those?” Charles asked as he got off of the couch and made his way to the counter opposite of you.

“Giving them away to the neighbors” You said “A little offering for me being in the building”

It was a gesture your mama had suggested when she heard you were moving out of the Netherlands. Three dozen cookies were scattered around your counter, with one last dozen being scooped onto the baking tray. Plenty for the people on your floor, and a few left over for snacking.

“Why? You’re probably never going to see your neighbors ever again” He said, grabbing one of the cooled cookies and taking a bite out of it “These are really good”

“Charl!” Alexandra chided her boyfriend as she finished setting up a few of your framed photos on the bookcase

“It’s all good, Alex. I made extra for a reason. Help yourself” You said as you slid one of the plates of cooled cookies closer to the girl

You watched as her eyes lit up when she took a bite of the treat “He’s right. These are so good. Where’s the recipe from?”

“Family recipe. I got it from mama” You replied

“Ugh I’ll have to bug her for it. But I know your neighbors are going to love them” She said

She was right, the neighbors that you got to meet did love them. As the days passed, you were able to meet the couple that lived to the left, the girl that lived to the right, and the group of guys that lived down the hall. But no matter how many times you knocked on the door across from you, no one was home.

You assumed the apartment was empty at first. There were a handful of units that the building was trying to rent out, and the one across the hall must have been one of them. But your idea was quickly thrown out the window by small signs of life from the apartment.

They started small, with Amazon packages in front of the door. The idea to check and see who they were addressed to popped in your head, but you quickly dismissed the thought. You wouldn’t be able to live down the embarrassment of someone catching you in the act.

A pair of APL sneakers were the next thing you found out by the door. They had to be male, with a size around size 41, and painted white with touches of navy blue. No distinctive marks about who the shoes belonged to. The shoes stayed there for a few days, occasionally with a padel racquet propped up against them.

It wasn’t until you returned home one day that you got to meet the person who lived across the hall. You had been out and about taking photos while exploring the city of Monte Carlo. Your feet ached and all you wanted was to lay down and take a nap.

You were at your door, fiddling to find the right key to your apartment, when the door from across the hall flew open. Jumping out of your skin, you turned to see who was the cause, and came face to face with the man you thought you wouldn’t have to see for at least a few more months.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Max questioned, his eyebrows furrowed

“Trying to remember which key is the one to my door.” You said, jiggling the keys you had on your lanyard like it was obvious, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here” Max answered, pointing back to the apartment he had just come out of

At that moment, everything made sense. Of course the building felt familiar, you were in it roughly eight months prior after the Monaco Grand Prix. Of course Charles got all giggly when you told him this was the unit you chose.

“Oh, riiighhtt” You said, pretending to remember as you searched through your keys once again. Thankfully, you quickly found the one you were looking for as you sped the next sentence out of your mouth, “Well it was great seeing you but I have things to do. I’ll see you around”

Max couldn’t get a word out as you hastily unlocked your door and entered your apartment, closing the door behind you.

But Max stood there in the hall, processing what happened. And you missed the small whisper of “It’s good to see you too” that left his mouth.

Your camera bag was tossed carelessly on the floor as you whipped out your phone. Normally disregarding your prized possession like that would cause you to wince, but you had more pressing matters on your hands.

The phone rang once, then twice, then a third time, and you were starting to think she wouldn’t pick up. You knew she was awake, it was the same time back home as it was in Monaco. After the fourth ring, her voice finally filled your ears.

“Hoi lieverd, hoe gaat het met de verhuizing? (Hi dear, how’s the move going?) ” Your mama asked as she answered the phone

“Niet slecht, er staan nog steeds overal dozen (Not bad, there’s still boxes everywhere)” You sighed as you ran your fingers through your hair.

“Uitpakken is altijid lastig. Uiteingelijik kom je er wel doorheen (Unpacking is always a pain. You’ll get through it eventually).” She assured you. “Heb jij je buren al ontmoet? (Have you met your neighbors yet?)”

“Ja, ze lijken allemaal leuk. Je raadt nooit wie er aan de overkant van de gang woont. (Yeah they all seem nice. You’ll never guess who lives across the hall)” You said as you moved to one of the scattered boxes. It was labeled dishes.

“Wie? (Who?)” Your mama asked as you started to put some of your plates away into a cabinet

“Max Verstappen” You answered. Silence overcame the two of you as she processed what you said “Mama?”

“Is dat niet prachtig, pompoen! (Isn’t that lovely, pumpkin!)” She exclaimed once it finally hit her. “Je hebt een bekend gezicht in het gebouw! (You have a familiar face in the building!)

“Nee, mama. We zijn geen vrienden meer. Ik heb je verteld wat er vorig seizoen gebeurd is -. (No mom. We’re not friends anymore. I told you what happened last season -.)” You began to protest, but your mama was having none of it. Your mama knew exactly what had happened with Max, but that didn’t stop her from her delusions.

“Ja, ja. Maar je kunt hem beter uitnodigen voor een etentje. Nu moet ik gaan. Ik heb koekjes in de oven. (Yes, yes. But you better have him over for dinner. Now I have to go. I have cookies in the oven.)” She said.

You said your goodbyes, and hung up, leaving you alone in your apartment to unpack, across the hall from an unexpected neighbor.

======

Max returned later that day, bags full of items he bought on his errands. He was greeted by a small plastic sandwich bag on his doormat. A mere moment away from stepping on its contents, he only realized it was there by the crinkle under his foot. He didn’t think anything of it as he picked it up and carried it into the apartment with the rest of his stuff.

The bag was filled with cookies, and a handwritten note was taped to the outer plastic. Calligraphy donned the piece of paper that looked familiar, but Max couldn’t place where from.

Thanks for welcoming me to the neighborhood. Enjoy the taste of home :)

The cookies looked exactly like the ones from his childhood. The ones he could only get at the grade school bake sale. The ones he would purchase with his saved up money from raking leaves and shoveling snow.

Thoughts of what could happen crossed his mind. He knew it could easily end badly, eating some cookies randomly showing up on his doorstep. But the second he dumped the treats out on a plate, all worries left his mind.

When the cookie hit his taste buds, he was suddenly nine again. The bake sale had just opened. Kids crowding around one particular woman, all trying to get their hands on that chocolate chip cookie.

And now one of the few people in the world who knew that cookie recipe lived across the hall from him.

Maranello, Italy

The sun beat down as you skated down the sidewalk outside the Ferrari factory. Italy in the winter was warmer than you expected, much warmer than the winters back home, causing you to leave your puffy coat in the car. The cracks in the uneven sidewalk caused the board to wobble underneath you, forcing you to hop off before you reached the front doors.

It was the first full staff preseason meeting of the year, and the factory seemed to have a new life to it. Naturally, you showed up a bit early, giving you plenty of time to poke around and take some photos. There was no real goal, just to get the point across that the factory hadn’t sat empty for the past two months.

You were standing on the mezzanine balcony that overlooked the main entrance to the building. As people would enter, you were able to snap photos from above. Most people walked right under, not even noticing you were there, but occasionally you would be spotted and get a wave or two.

Carlos was the first of the drivers to walk in. The clicks of your camera prompted him to look up, the classic confused look plastered to his face.

“What are you doing?” He asked

“My job” You answered before joking “Can you pretend to not look miserable to see me”

“That’s kind of hard to do” Charles said as he entered the atrium, hearing your conversation. You rolled your eyes as you continued to snap photos of the two drivers.

“He’s not wrong.” Carlos mumbled, fighting the smirk on his lips “But I meant with the tripod.” He pointed to the tripod that stood next to you, angled down at the atrium entrance.

“I’m filming” You stated “Most of the film will probably be posted on the Ferrari socials, but some stuff, like this conversation, I’ll scrap and throw in a vlog.”

“You’re vlogging?” Charles asked

“Why?” Carlos added

“Are you trying to become internet famous?” Charles finished, curiosity lacing his words.

“What? No,” You said, rejecting his claim “I’m doing it to spread awareness about women in motorsports. There’s only a handful of us to raise the next generation.”

“Wow. That’s a lot better than being internet famous.” Carlos said, clearly impressed

“Thank you Carlos. I’ll see you guys at the meeting. I have a few more things I wanna shoot before I head to the room.” You said. The two drivers made their way under the balcony towards the meeting room.

Packing up your phone and tripod, you headed down to the main level of the building to capture a few more photos. The loud chatter of people echoed the halls as the meeting room doors were wide open. As you entered, you were one of the last ones to the room. Charles, Carlos, Benedetto, and all the higher ups who you were sure didn’t know your name sat at the front. You made your way towards the back of the room, somehow finding a seat next to Annalese.

“Hey” You said as you slid into your seat, carefully putting your camera bag at your feet. Since it was just the intro meeting, you had no reason to photograph Benedetto and the other execs droning on.

“Hey! How are you doing? How was your break?” Annalese asked

You shrugged. “Not bad, definitely busy. I moved to Monaco, which has been exhausting.”

“Wait, that's so exciting! Didn’t Albon and Russell just move there?” She asked

“Alex did? I’ve seen George, Lando and Charles quite a bit, but didn’t realize he moved too. We had a few game and movie nights during the break.” You told her “The only thing that sucks about it is that Max lives literally right across the hall.”

“No he doesn’t” Annalese said in disbelief

“Yes he does”

“The universe really decided to torture you” Annalese chuckled

“Don’t even get me started” You replied “He hasn’t been a problem yet.”

“That’s good.” She said before her face lit up. “Oh my god I almost forgot. Y/n, this is Isabella. She’s the new photographer we hired. Isabella, this is Y/n.”

Your attention turned from your boss to the girl sitting on the other side of her. Her long brunette hair matched perfectly with her eyes. The name tag everyone was forced to wear during their first few days was pinned to her Ferrari branded polo. You were aware that the company had been looking for a new photographer to help lighten Annalese’s workload, but wasn’t informed they had actually hired one.

“Hi, I’m Y/n” You introduced yourself “It’s so nice to meet you. Welcome to Ferrari”

Isabella responded with a soft smile as she spoke “Thank you.”

Just like you thought, most of the execs that spoke during the meeting droned on. Once you heard one of them lack any enthusiasm as they claimed they were so excited for the entire season, you could block out the rest. The speaker that made you snap out of your daydreaming was none other than the new Team Principal, Fred Vasseur.

“Wow guys” Fred began, his voice bellowing through the room. “It is an absolute honor standing in front of you guys today. I know each and every one of you work your asses off every day to make this team run, and I am more than excited to work with all of you.”

Sakir, Bahrain

The first day back in the paddock was always nerve racking. Teams were making final adjustments to the cars before the public got to see them, rookies were about to make their debuts in the cars they dreamed of driving as kids, and you were back to running around like a mad man.

Even though the paddock was full of anxiety and preseason jitters, it was also full of a sense of familiarity. Faces that you haven’t seen since Abu Dhabi, and names of people that you couldn’t quite remember.

Ferrari had moved up to the second garage along pitlane, with Mercedes dropping and kicking out McLaren. Unfortunately, Red Bull was still on the other side of the red terminals, after winning the Constructors Championship last season.

You were in the midst of giving Isabella her paddock tour, just as Annalese did you a year prior. The new photographer took in all of the information you gave her: which teams prefer visitors on what days, what teams to avoid, and which teams will let you sneak into hospitality and take a warm chocolate chip cookie (Thanks Williams).

As you approached Williams, you noticed a blonde headed boy you had never seen before. He was standing next to Alex, who towered over him, the two of them in deep conversation. The blonde seemed much more reserved, taking everything in rather than doing much of the talking.

You slowed your pace, glancing at Isabella to see her taking in the scene. Alex exuded his usual vibrant energy, while the blonde exuded a quiet focus, his blue eyes absorbed every detail.

The Ferrari red polos always made you stick out like a sore thumb near the blue Williams garage. Alex quickly caught sight of you, waving both you and Isabella over.

“Y/n!” he called “It’s so good to see you. How was your winter break?”

“Not bad. Charles convinced me to join the Monaco group” you replied, excitement bubbling inside you

“He did? We’ll have to meet up sometime when we’re both back home. Lily and I will have to show you some of our favorite spots”

“You’ll have to beat Charles and Alexandra to it” you warned before turning to your coworker. “This is Isabella, our new photographer for the season.”

“It’s so nice to meet you” she said, giving the driver and the blonde a warm smile.

“I’m Alex, and this is our new driver, Logan”

Logan offered a shy smile, his blue eyes bright with curiosity. “Hi, nice to meet you both” he said, his voice soft but steady

Isabella’s excitement to be in the paddock seemed to encourage the blonde “So, how are you finding your first race weekend, Logan?” She asked

“It’s amazing” He replied, glancing at Alex before continuing “Everything is so fast paced, and there’s so much to learn, but I love it.”

Alex chimed in “He’s been doing really great, really picking up on things quickly. We’re lucky to have him.”

Logan glanced down to your red polo before remeeting your eyes. “Are you also a photographer?”

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips, “Yeah, I mostly work with Charles, but you’ll probably see me bouncing all around Ferrari.”

Logan copied your nod, clearly intrigued with your role in the team “That sounds really cool. It must be amazing to be so close to everything.”

“It is. It’s definitely overwhelming at times, but that’s just part of the fun” you said

Further down pit lane was Ferrari’s former neighbors, and sure enough the garage was bustling. Mechanics were busy assembling the car, engineers were analyzing the data from testing, while Lando and an unnamed man were yapping right outside.

“So that’s Lando, he’s one of the McLaren drivers.” You informed Isabella as you pointed to the curly haired man. “And I’m going to be so honest, I have no idea who the other guy is.”

At the sound of your voice saying your name, Lando’s head turned. The other guy followed suit, his eyes landing on the two of you. Lando broke into a smile upon seeing you, while the unnamed man’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Y/n!” The Brit exclaimed as he walked over to you “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you”

“You saw me last week, Lando.” You informed him. “This is Isabella, she’s the new Ferrari photographer”

As you looked between the two of them, you could see Isabella practically throwing heart eyes at the driver. Was he conventionally attractive? Sort of. But knowing his playboy personality, he wasn’t someone you’d wanna be with romantically.

“I’m Lando” He said as if it wasn’t obvious before motioning to the other guy to come join the group. “And this is Oscar. He’s my new teammate”

“Hi guys” He said, a thick Australian accent peaking through. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, much less enthusiastic with the unexpected guests. You assumed his demeanor was just from the nerves of the first day, all of the new information and new people popping in and out was overwhelming.

“I’m y/n” You said “Isabella and I are both photographers for Ferrari”

You learned a bit more about the Aussie, both from him telling you and Lando making slight comments. Lando joined you in swapping stories from the paddock, filling both of the newbies in. Each time Lando spoke, you swore hearts grew in her pupils.

“They seem nice” Isabella spoke as the two of you finally left the papaya behind

“I can’t vouch for Oscar, but I know Lando is. Most of the drivers are good guys.” You told her

Thankfully she didn’t ask for any explanation on what you meant by most. Having to explain your personal childhood beef and adult situation with the reigning World Champion would’ve bruised your ego a bit too much.

Finally, you found yourselves standing in front of the final garage on pit lane. The navy blue was ice cold, a complete one eighty from the slight warmth it gave you before. The garage was emptier than McLaren’s but still had a few stragglers working on the cars.

“And last but not least, Red Bull. Last years Constructor’s Champion, and home to last year’s Driver’s Champion” You said

“And home to the best content team on the grid” A voice said.

Both you and Isabella turned around to see Meg approaching. You shook your head, but cracked a grin as you introduced the two girls to each other.

“You’ll probably be seeing her and the other Red Bull girls pretty often. Aside from being garage neighbors, we do collab content with them occasionally” You informed the new photographer

“Speaking of which, we have something scheduled in an hour.” Meg told you

Your eyes widened as you processed her words. “We do?”

======

And that’s how you found yourself, along with the rest of the Red Bull and Ferrari media teams, outside the teams’ hospitalities. Two hippity hops balls were in your hands, one blue and one red. Yourself, along with Isabella were setting up the activity you were forcing the four drivers to do, while Meg, Sofi, and Jess were setting up the cameras and lighting.

“What the hell are you making us do?” Charles asked as both him and Carlos exited the Ferrari motorhome. At the same time, Checo and Max joined the group as they made their way through the paddock.

Holding up the hippity hops, a shit eating grin formed on your face as you answered “We’re playing a game!”

When Max’s gaze first landed on you, his heart skipped a beat. Your hair color slightly changed since he saw you in the hallway, but you looked just as amazing in the Ferrari polo he knew you were forced to wear. He only looked away when Meg was giving directions.

“The rules are simple” Meg said once everything was set up. “The first person is going to hop the hippity hop from this tape mark, to the table down there. When you get to the table, there is a track name written on a piece of paper. When you’re done drawing the track, you turn around and hop back. Give the ball to your teammate and they’re going to do the same thing”

“There are four different tracks so no one can cheat,” Jess added.

As expected, chaos ensued. Opposing drivers tried knocking each other off of their rides, while laughs were held back by everyone on the media teams. Fans and employees alike couldn’t help but stop and watch for a few moments as four of the best drivers on the grid made an absolute fool of themselves.

After a highly competitive race, the Red Bull boys were deemed the winners. The media teams cleaned up the mess that was made, as the four drivers simply meandered around, yapping to whoever would listen.

You were breaking down the foldable table with Isabella as Max approached. Out of the corner of your eye, Max fiddled with the Red Bull can in his hands, trying to figure out what to say to you.

“Hey” Max finally said

“Hi Max” You replied, your focus still on the table that wouldn’t fold

The hand that wasn’t messing with the Red Bull was stuck in his pocket. “Just wanted to say thank you for the cookies. They were really good”

Your eyes broke from the table to meet his for the first time that day. “You ate them?”

When you put the cookies on his doormat, you didn’t know what would happen to them. You assumed he would just ignore them or throw them out. The thought of him eating them didn’t come close to crossing your mind.

“I mean, yeah” He answered as if it was obvious “It was the same recipe your mama always made for the bake sale, right?”

“I-yeah, they are. She gave me the recipe when I graduated grade school” You told him. It was hard enough to process the fact that he ate your cookie peace offering. But for him to remember that it was your mama’s recipe, and the same one she brought to all of the fundraisers truly blew you away.

“They taste just like how I remembered them,” Max said. “Hope the move to Monaco wasn’t too bad”

“It was pretty easy. Charles and Alexandra helped pick out the place. The two of them and a couple other guys on the grid helped me move in and unpack. I think the hardest part was meeting my crazy neighbor that lives across the hall.” You joked, though it was partially true.

“You two know each other?” Isabella asked, causing you to break your gaze away from Max. To be completely honest, you forgot she was even there. The table had been folded up and she heard your entire conversation.

“Yeah, we uh” You began, not really sure how to label the childhood enemies to semi friends to whatever you are now.

“We grew up together,” Max finished. You gave him a quick smile, thanking him for saving you.

“Grew up together and I happened to move into the apartment across the hall from him. Didn’t even know he lived there.” You said “If you want to head back to Ferrari, go ahead. I’m taking these to the Energy Station and then I’ll be back”

The two of you watched as Isabella made her way back to the red and black motorhome. Neither of you dared to move a muscle until she was gone.

“How’s the new girl been?” He asked

You glanced back to the Ferrari motorhome to make sure she was gone before speaking. “She’s okay. Definitely gonna take a few races to grasp everything. She was eyeing Lando earlier when we ran into him on her pit tour”

“Somehow I’m not surprised” Max said, shaking his head “He could breathe and girls would flock to him”

“Right” You agreed.

Max wasn’t sure how the first interaction with you during the season would go. He was expecting you to ignore him, storm off or cause a scene. The absolute last thing on his list was you being willing to hold a conversation.

“Do you need help carrying the table?” Max asked, though he was slightly relieved when you declined the offer. His hands were sweaty, and with his luck, he’d end up dropping it.

The two of you grew quiet as neither of you knew what to say. The sound of your shoes crunching on the broken asphalt filled the air.

“So you didn’t move across the hall to get closer to me?” Max joked, breaking the temporary silence

“No Max, I didn’t” You answered “I honestly completely forgot you even lived in that building. When I went to your place, it was late at night in a city I didn’t know at the time”

“I figured. I’m surprised Charles didn’t say anything” He said

“I’d honestly be more surprised if he had told me” You chuckled. Charles was definitely a yapper, but he knew you would’ve tossed any thought of moving to Monaco if you knew you’d be neighbors with Max.

“That’s fair, he’s picky with what info he shares” Max said “How’ve you been though, since last season?”

“Really good” You answered “All the crazy rumors have gone away.”

The words hit Max harder than they should’ve. You were never his, and he was never yours. But god did he wish you were. Rumors were the closest he had gotten, and he never wanted more than those crazy rumors to be true.

“That’s good, glad they all died down.” He said. The last thing he needed was to ruin the civility between you. So, he swallowed the lump of feelings and forced a smile.

You had dropped the table off outside of the motorhome for their media team to pick up when they got there. Quickly, goodbyes were said before you made your way back to Ferrari.

======

The race on Sunday was forgettable.

Charles had done well until he was forced to retire due to an engine failure. While Carlos placed in fourth, the Red Bulls had taken the top two steps, with Max landing on the top. As much as you would have loved for Ferrari to join the Red Bulls, you weren’t sure if you could deal with hearing your national anthem yet.

So, you volunteered to be the photographer that followed Charles to the media pen. It gave you plenty of chances to get more content of the driver. Most of the photos were going to turn out the same, just him yapping, but you didn’t care. The images would most likely end up on your photography dedicated Instagram account, and that was fine. You just needed a reason to be busy.

After celebrating the win with his team, Max entered the media pen with his PR manager. One of the Ferrari drivers was in the pen already, though he only realized it was Charles when he spotted a familiar camera lens a few feet away.

He moved through the rituals of answering the media's ridiculous questions, every once in a while looking to his right to catch a glimpse of you. Each time, you could feel his eyes land on you as well as the exact moment they left. You were able to quickly snap a photo of him when his focus was no longer on you. Another group of B roll images that would end up on your photography account.

======

You were fortunate enough to travel back to Monaco immediately after your job was done. As much as you loved traveling and exploring the world, you were always happy to be home.

The same couldn’t be said for Max. His plan was to leave Bahrain as soon as his media duties were done, but due to a failure in the engine, he was forced to stay another day. It wouldn’t have been a problem, if he didn’t have the cats waiting for him.

Usually, the cats would be fine for a race weekend. He would have the guy down the hall check in on them, giving them fresh food, water, and litter. But, the guy down the hall went on vacation the same day Max was going to be back. It left him with no choice but to reach out to someone else.

It was late when you finally got back to your apartment. Very little debate was needed to decide that the unpacking could wait until the morning, opting for a warm shower instead. When you got out, you weren’t expecting your phone to go off.

Max: Can you do me a favor? The plane is broken so I’m stuck in Bahrain for another day

Your eyebrows furrowed as you read the text. As much as you didn’t want to help him, you knew he wouldn’t reach out unless it was absolutely dire. Your fingers danced around before typing up a response.

You: Depends, what do you need?

Max: Can you take care of the cats for me? My usual sitter left for vacation today. It’s just feeding, water, and changing the litter

As his next message came in, you knew you had to say yes. You had fallen in love with Jimmy and Sassy the second you walked into Max’s apartment last season. It would be cruel to say no.

You: Yeah, I can. Lmk where your key/the supplies are and I’ll run over

A sigh of relief left Max’s lips as he received your texts. He quickly sent over instructions on the cats, along with where his spare key was located. You shot back a “thanks” before going on your way.

Even without Max telling you, you easily could’ve guessed where his key was. The only thing outside his door was a dirty mat. Without second thought, you lifted up the corner. Sure enough, a silver key sat under it.

The key slid into the lock and twisted with ease. Twisting the knob, you pushed the door, but it wouldn’t budge. You tried again, knowing full well you were supposed to push, but again it stayed shutl. On the third attempt, the door finally burst open, and two pairs of cat eyes stared at you from the other side. Meows from the duo ensued as you closed the door behind you.

The apartment looked almost exactly like you remembered it last season. His helmets were hung along the walls while some of his trophies were displayed on shelves. His sim was tucked into the far corner of the living room, flanked by more F1 memorabilia. You couldn’t help but chuckle when one of the newest trophies to his collection, the Driver’s Champion trophy, was carelessly placed on a mini fridge stocked full of Red Bull.

Following the directions Max had sent you, you were quickly able to find the litter as well as the food and water. When you got to changing the food, Jimmy weaved his way in and out of your legs, almost causing you to trip over him. Sassy cautiously watched from a distance as you went about your job, but let you get close enough to her to snap a photo of the two cats. After one last look over the apartment, you made your way back across the hall.

Max received one last text from you letting him know the cats were doing well. Thoughts of you taking care of the felines with him flooded his mind as he received the photo of them.

Baku, Azerbaijan

You propped your phone up on a ledge in a relatively quiet corner of the paddock. At the start of the season, you decided you would vlog every single race weekend, and Baku was no different. It was the first sprint weekend though, giving you plenty more content.

Outside of the motorhome, you filmed the introduction, including explaining the sprint weekend schedule. Because of the additional race, qualifying and practices had been altered, moved, or removed to accommodate.

You’d be lying if you said vlogging felt completely normal. During the first race weekend, you were so in your head and convinced people were making fun of you that you almost completely scrapped the idea for the entire season.

“What are you doing?” you heard a voice ask. Your attention turned from your phone to the stretch of sidewalk you were on. Logan was standing there, confusion plastered on his face.

You smiled, a little embarrassed, “Just vlogging the weekend. Figured I’d share the F1 experience” You gestured to your phone where you quickly stopped the recording.

Logan raised an eyebrow, stepping closer “That’s a bold move in this paddock” He chuckled, but there was a hint of genuine interest in his voice.

“Yeah, I guess it is. At first, I thought people would think it’s silly, but I’m really enjoying it now. It’s a different way to connect with the fans.”

He nodded, leaning casually up against the ledge. “I get that. Everyone loves the behind-the-scenes stuff. It’s fun to see the real side of racing.”

A rush of relief filled you as he showed his support. “Thanks. What about you? How’s everything going at Williams?”

Logan shrugged, indifference shown on his face. “Eh alright. I don’t think the car is where it’s supposed to be, but there’s still plenty of season left.”

“Got to stay optimistic, right?” you replied “You know what would make you feel better?”

“What?” Logan asked, his eyebrows furrowing

A smirk formed on your lips as you stood up. “A fresh chocolate chip cookie from Williams”

Logan laughed, shaking his head “You’re not wrong, those cookies are to die for. It’s a shame I already had my allotted cookie for the day.”

“Oh come on. I don’t think it’ll kill you to have one extra cookie. It’s a pick me up.” you teased

“Tell that to my trainer.” Logan said “We’d have to sneak in there if we wanted any”

The wheels in your head began to turn, already plotting “Easy. I’ll need your help getting in though. You know I don’t have access”

“Deal” Logan said, a playful spark in his eyes. “Just don’t let the team catch you, otherwise I’ll be in trouble”

“Trust me, I’ll keep it discreet.” You said as you picked up your phone. “Do you mind if I vlog the walk to Williams though?”

He shook his head “Not at all. Honestly the entire thing would make for some good content”

“Perfect” you said as you hit record again. “So change of plans. I ran into Logan, and we are currently on the way to the Williams motorhome to go and grab some cookies. For those of you who don’t know, Williams is known on the grid for having the best and freshest sweet treats.”

As the two of you walked down the paddock, you and Logan talked about how he navigates through a race weekend, and how he’s feeling about his first F1 sprint weekend. You finally got to the Williams hospitality, your stomach hurting from laughing so much with him. You paused your recording to strap your phone to place it in the harness you got specifically to capture behind the scenes footage.

“Wait, how are we even doing this?” you asked, looking at the American

“I’ll distract, you grab the goodies,” he said, you nodded in response.

After pressing record once more, you followed Logan into the Williams building, hoping that your Ferrari red would blend in just enough. The dining area was bustling, a couple of the team members chatting while others worked on prep. In the far corner sat the cookie jar.

Logan walked over to the lady who was overseeing the dessert station, easily striking up a conversation with her. The way she was facing blocked her view of the cookie jar, giving you an easy route to take them.

You walked over, acting like you belonged, and grabbed enough for you, Logan, and the two Ferrari boys, as you were filming with them in a bit. Once you had the cookies, you tapped Logan on the shoulder, letting him know you were good. Both you and Logan disappeared out of the WIlliams hospitality, into the blazing heat of Azerbaijan.

Eventually, you got to the bright red Ferrari motorhome. The blasting A/C was a welcoming relief as you escaped the heat. Both of the drivers were sitting at a table talking, only noticing you when you approached them.

“Well, well, well, look who finally showed up” Carlos spoke as he got up from his chair

“Oh shut up” You said, rolling your eyes “I ran into Logan and grabbed a chocolate chip cookie from Williams” Both of the drivers' ears perked up. They knew how good those cookies were.

“Did you bring us any?” Charles asked

You moved your hand from behind your back, showing two cookies wrapped in a napkin “You know I wouldn’t keep these away from you”

“You are amazing” Carlos said as he, along with Charles, took a cookie.

“I know, I know” You smiled before placing your camera bag on the table “It’s going to be a fun session today though” A groan left both of the boys’ mouths, cookie crumbs following suit.

“The last time you said that you made us stick clothespins to our bodies” Carlos reminded you.

“Yeah, and that was fun for me” You smirked, “But I think you guys are actually going to find today enjoyable”

Both of the drivers exchanged glances as the only sound came from you unzipping your camera bag. You took out one of your cameras, offering it to Charles.

“You are becoming tour guides” You said “You can pick who's going to operate the camera and who’s gonna be on camera, but you guys are going to give a tour of the garage, motorhome, and general paddock area”

In addition to the camera you handed Charles, you took out another one for you to use. While you strapped your phone back onto the mount on your chest, the drivers decided that Charles was going to record and Carlos would be in front of the camera.

“So how do I work this thing?” Charles asked, clearly confused by the gadget in his hand

A chuckle left your lips before you walked him through everything he would need. You could see the pure joy in his face when he discovered to zoom and focus by turning the lens. As he hit the red record button, you were ready to roll.

“Hi guys, today I am going to be giving you a tour of the paddock in Baku.” Carlos started as he looked around the motorhome. “Charles is here too, he’s operating the camera today”

“Hello guys” Charles said as he waved his fingers in front of the lens, clearly way too close for comfort.

The tour of the motorhome was nothing short of boring. Carlos danced in someone’s empty office, in addition to almost spilling the entirety of the pot of freshly brewed coffee. As the three of you left the motorhome, Charles offered up the camera to Carlos. The Spaniard happily took it before looking to you like a lost puppy.

“Can you show me how to operate?” He asked

You passed the camera in your hands to Charles before walking over to Carlos. Just like you did with the other driver, you walked Carlos through the buttons and everything he needed to do a good job. Once Carlos got the idea, you took your camera back from Charles.

“Alright guys, we are now in the main walkway area of the paddock. Most of the time spent here is walking to and from the motorhome and the garage, or to our various media commitments” Charles said to the camera

As you turned to follow Charles and Carlos down the pavement, you found Max walking towards the group. The smile on his face quickly dropped when he realized you weren’t the one operating your camera, and that it was Carlos instead. But the smile, along with an increased dose of nerves, returned when he saw you a few feet behind the driver.

“Is he taking your job?” Max asked, motioning to Carlos. Both of the Ferrari drivers were hypnotized by their task that they didn’t notice the Dutchman.

“You could say that” You chuckled “I figured I should stop torturing the guys during my sessions with them and actually give them something fun to do”

“I wish our media team did something like this. It gets boring constantly doing interviews” He admitted

Your eyebrows furrowed “Didn’t you guys go offroading across Austria a few years ago?”

“I mean yeah, but that was years ago” He said “I mean I want more fun things in the paddock. You guys always have the best ideas”

Your cheeks grew warm as you took in Max’s compliment. It was always fun when Ferrari and Red Bull worked together, but you knew where he was coming from with Red Bull’s ideas being boring. As much as you loved their media team, whenever it came to a meeting with them, it always ended with tons of their ideas being scrapped.

“Thank you, Max” You said, a soft smile forming on your lips, “I’ll have to check our calendars and see what we have going on in the next few races. If there’s time, we should definitely do another collab”

In the distance, you could see Carlos and Charles getting further and further away. If you didn’t follow them now, you knew you would never be able to find them again. Turning to Max, your soft smile turned into an apologetic one.

“I’m so sorry but I have to go. I don’t need Tweedledee and Tweedledum breaking my camera” you apologized

“No worries” Max said “I’m surprised you even let them touch it in the first place”

A laugh left your mouth as you said your goodbyes to Max. You quickly turned around and jogged down the paddock to catch up to the two drivers who were still goofing off.

The rest of the filming session went as smoothly as it could. Shenanigans still ensued, but thankfully your camera was still intact, and filled with tons of content for you to use.

======

It was almost ten at night when you entered the hotel lobby. You had just gotten back from the track, and by the looks of Max standing at the elevators, so did he.

“Hey stranger” You called as you approached the driver

Max turned to see you walking towards him. You still had on your work uniform, and exhaustion all over your face. But when he locked eyes with you, a small smile formed, but your eyes screamed you needed to go to bed.

“Hey, how was your day?” He asked

“Long” You replied “And it’s not even close to being over.”

“What? Aren’t you just going up to bed?” Max asked

You chuckled as you shook your head “I wish. I still have to eat dinner and edit some of the content from today. I’ll probably get to sleep in a few hours.”

Max winced as he heard your plans for the night. While he knew there was more to a media job than snapping photos and recording videos, he didn’t think the responsibilities would spill so late into the night.

“Do you want a friend? Just so you’re not alone?” Max suggested

“Oh, you really don’t have to” You said as the elevator doors opened. Max followed you into the lift. “You have to drive tomorrow”

“So?” He asked “I usually stay up late looking at data anyway. It wouldn’t be a problem”

“Alright, if it isn’t an inconvenience, you can join me.” You gave in “But I can’t have any distractions, I need to get this stuff done tonight. It’s all going out tomorrow”

A ding filled the elevator signaling that you had reached the correct floor. The doors opened and you followed Max out into the hall.

“Deal. I’ll go change and then I’ll be over” He said as he made a left down the hall, while you made a right.

“Oh, and y/n?” He called

“Yes?”

“Room service is on me tonight” Max told you. As much as you wanted to object and say you could take care of yourself, Max had disappeared down the hall.

You quickly made your way into your hotel room, showering and trading your work polo and jeans for a black Ferrari hoodie and matching sweatpants. As you set up your laptop and the SD cards of your two cameras, a soft knock landed on your door. Opening it, you found Max on the other side. He was dressed in a similar sweatsuit to yours, only being navy blue instead. His hands filled with his laptop and a pair of headphones.

“Come on in, make yourself comfortable” You said as you moved to the side.

Max made his way into the small hotel room. The queen bed was the centerpiece, but two desks lined up against the far window, giving a gorgeous view of the city lights of Baku. He saw your stuff on the desk to the right, so he opted to place his stuff to the left.

“So, what’re you thinking for dinner?” He asked as he took out the pamphlet that had the room service menu on it.

“Depends, what are you getting?” You replied as you walked up to him, barely being able to comfortably look over his shoulder at the menu.

Max could feel your presence behind him. Every breath, every movement was taken note of. A jolt ran through his body when he felt your chin land on his shoulder, trying to get a better look at the paper he was holding. He didn’t dare take his eyes off of the menu, desperately trying to think of an answer to your question.

“I-uh um, probably the kebabs” He stuttered out, before handing you the menu over his shoulder

Your eyes glanced over the menu, eventually choosing one of the chicken dishes. Max watched as you picked up the phone and placed the order, his mind still spinning from how close the two of you were moments earlier.

“Alright, it should be here soon” You said once you hung up the phone. “Thank you for paying for it, you really didn’t have to.”

Max shrugged “It’s no problem, really. It’s the least I could do to make your day a bit better”

As the two of you waited for your food, you got to work. The main goal was to edit the tour that Charles and Carlos had given earlier in the day. Easy, right?

Wrong.

It started with the fact that Max was simply in the room. There was nothing he did or said that forced you to take your eyes off of your screen to look at him, but you did. In fact, he was quite respectful. He didn’t say a word to you as you attempted to work.

But you couldn’t help but catch yourself staring at him. You didn’t know why, it was just Max afterall. Just Max who continuously made fun of you in grade school. Just Max who almost got you arrested years ago. Just Max who welcomed you to Formula One with open arms. Just Max who you cried to in the hotel in Miami last season. Just Max, who you developed a crush on last year that you swore you bottled up and put on the shelf.

At least, you thought you did.

It only got worse when Max realized that you were staring. He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, only doing a double take when he saw your attention was on him already. He removed the headset and paused the video he was watching to turn to you.

“Are you okay?” He asked

“What?” You questioned snapping out of your daze. “Um yeah, I’m good”

Max’s eyes narrowed, not believing you for a second. “Are you sure? You were looking at me weirdly”

“Yeah, no, yeah I’m fine. Just lost in thought. Editing decisions, that’s all” You explained

He nodded, still unsure whether or not to be convinced. Before he could question your reasons, a knock on the door caused him to break eye contact.

“I’ll get it” He insisted

You watched as Max got up from his seat to your door. After a brief exchange between the driver and the hotel worker, Max came back with two trays in his hands. You rushed over, taking the second tray from him so he wouldn’t spill. As your fingers brushed his, you fought to capture the butterflies that were taking over your stomach.

“Thank you again, Max” You said, placing your tray down at your station.

“Of course, y/n” He replied as he followed suit by placing his tray at his desk. “How’s the video editing going along?”

“You wanna see it?” you asked, a smirk dancing on your lips

“Of course”

You scooted your chair closer to him, dragging your laptop and your food along with it. As you rewound the video to the start, you could feel Max rest his arm on the back of your chair.

Laughter immediately ensued as you pressed play. The camera was slightly shaky as Charles’ voice asked for help on how to use it. Your voice was faintly heard as you explained, before cutting to Carlos introducing himself and explaining the reason for the video.

The footage continued, showcasing the areas around the paddock, garage, and motorhome. Every so often, you would chime in, giving Max little behind-the-scenes tidbits. Suddenly, the film changed to a part of the paddock you don’t remember being at.

“This must have been when we were busy yapping” you said as you squinted at the screen

“Yeah, glad nothing happened to the camera while you were gone.” Max said “You can never trust the two of them” As if on cue, the screen jostled and a view of the grass was shown.

“He dropped my camera?!” You exclaimed, your eyes widened at the sight “I’m going to kill him”

Max burst into laughter, clearly entertained by your reaction. “At least it still works”

You shook your head in disbelief, a mix of frustration and amusement bubbling in you “I shouldn’t have expected anything less from the idiots.”

Max leaned back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips, “You know, instead of a tour, you could title the video: ‘How not to handle a camera, featuring C squared”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but chuckle. As you resumed the video, you watched Charles pick up the camera, his sheepish grin evident even through the shaky footage. “Oh he knows he messed up” you muttered, watching as he tried to make light of the situation, joking with Carlos in the background.

Monte Carlo, Monaco

As much as you loved traveling, you were thankful for Formula One to return to Monaco. Living out of a suitcase was tough, but the experiences you got made it all worth it.

With you having a place in Monaco, you offered Logan and Oscar your place for the weekend. The three of you had slowly grown closer as the season progressed, bonding over running late to whatever track you were at, watching random sporting events, and a lot of FaceTime calls.

“Holy shit!” Logan exclaimed as he walked out to your balcony, his eyes wide with disbelief. “This is your view?”

You chuckled, leaving against the railing beside him. “Pretty incredible, right? It never gets old.”

He gazed out at the breathtaking scene - the sparkling blue of the Mediterranean stretching out beneath the blazing sun, the picturesque harbor filled with yachts, and the iconic winding streets of Monte Carlo. The only change to your regular view was the presence of the grandstands placed around the streets.

“This is unreal,” he said, shaking his head in amazement, “I cannot believe we get to spend the weekend here.”

Oscar joined the two of you out on the balcony, a grin on his face as he took in the view for his first time. “It’s definitely a step up from the hotel rooms we usually get” he joked

You laughed, appreciating the camaraderie that had developed among the three of you. You knew Logan and Oscar had been friends, and former teammates in karting, so you were grateful the duo welcomed you to the friend group.

“I figured it’d be nice to have a home base instead of just dealing with a cramped hotel room” You shrugged

Logan turned to you, sincerity in his eyes “Thanks for offering this. It makes a huge difference. I feel like I can actually relax before the race.”

“It’s no problem at all” you replied “It’s fun having friends around”

“You already have a certain someone around though” Oscar chimed in a teasing tone in his voice. You furrowed your eyebrows, intrigued. “Max is across the hall, isn’t he?”

The boys both knew about your situation with Max - the reigning world champion often being a topic of conversation on those late night calls, mixed with playful teasing and curious speculation. You felt your cheeks warm at the mention of his name.

“Yeah, he is,” you admitted, trying to keep your tone casual, but the slight flutter in your stomach gave you away. “But it’s not what you think”

Logan raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained. “What do you mean? Just friends sharing a building?”

You nodded, though the teasing glances exchanged between the two of them made you a little self conscious. “Exactly. We’re just neighbors. We don’t even hang out when we’re both home.”

Oscar leaned in, clearly enjoying the moment. “Right, but you two hang out in other places around the world, sharing room service and media content.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing but feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement. “Okay, yes. We’ve had some fun moments together. But it’s all professional.”

Logan chuckled “Sure, professional. Until you end up showing him more than just your photos”

You shook your head, trying to suppress a smile “You guys are ridiculous. Max is great, but I’m focused on my work.”

“Just admit it,” Oscar said, still grinning “You wouldn’t mind having him around more often.”

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair. “Okay, maybe I wouldn’t mind it” you admitted, finally coming to terms with the resurfacing feelings you had for the Dutchman. “But let’s be real. I have a job to do.”

Logan nudged you playfully “Exactly, you can’t let a guy distract you. We need those epic shots of us on the track.”

You rolled your eyes “I don’t even take photos of you guys.” you shot back, playfully dismissing him before disappearing back into your apartment.

======

The Grand Prix being in Monaco though, only meant plenty of running around with the hometown boy and late nights editing content. Qualifying had ended hours earlier, but you and Charles were still stuck in the paddock, filming videos for all of the Ferrari social media pages.

“I think we have one more to do, then we should be good” you said, your voice full of remorse “I don’t know why they chose to throw all of this on us with the race being tomorrow”

Charles chuckled, running a hand through his hair, clearly tired, but still in good spirits. “It’s part of the stress of a home race. Everyone wants a bit of you.”

“Tell me about it” you agreed as you set up the last shot. Thankfully the last thing on the to do list was a simple thank you video to the fans. Once the camera was set up, you moved the driver into frame, and pressed record.

Even through the visible exhaustion on his face, Charles executed his words perfectly. Times like this made you grateful to work with a driver who was able to crank out the grueling work quickly, so both of you could get out of there.

“Perfect” you said after stopping the recording. “Thank you again for doing all of this, it wasn’t fair to you”

Charles shrugged “It’s like this, can’t change any of it now.” he said. You couldn’t help but smile at him messing up the saying ‘it is what it is’.

“True. But you’re free to go. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” you said as you packed up your camera, tripod, and phone that was recording the behind the scenes

His eyebrows furrowed as his head tilted “Are you not leaving too?”

You shook your head. “Not yet. If I go home, I’m going to crash, and I need to get everything we just did edited for tomorrow.” you answered

“You better not stay up too late though” Charles warned “We need you ready to go for tomorrow”

You couldn’t help but chuckle “I’ll try, but you know how it is - there’s always one more thing to tweak. Regardless, there’s nothing a can of Red Bull won’t fix.”

A smirk formed on Charles’ lips, his eyebrows both raised. It took you a second to process what you had said.

“I meant it as a general term for an energy drink” you explained yourself, thankful that the paddock wasn’t super bright so he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks

“Yeah, sure you did” he rolled his eyes, the smirk still plastered on his face. “I’ll see you tomorrow y/n.” He said before turning to head to the exit

“See you tomorrow, Charles” you echoed before turning and entering the Ferrari motorhome

As you worked hastily in the paddock, trying to get everything done for the night, Max had entered your shared apartment building, ready to rest before the race the next day. What he didn’t expect to see was a certain American driver already standing at the elevator doors.

“Logan?” Max questioned. Sure enough, the blonde turned around, his face filled with just as much confusion as Max’s. “What are you doing here?”

“Just trying to get some rest before the race tomorrow.” He answered “I’m staying with y/n for the weekend. She offered her place.”

Max’s eyebrows raised as Logan’s words hit his ears. She offered her place. They repeated in his mind. “Oh, did she?”

Logan nodded, a friendly grin on his face. “Yeah, she’s been super accommodating. Figured it would be easier and cheaper than trying to find a hotel.”

The elevator echoed a ding through the lobby. Once the doors opened, the drivers walked in, Max opting to lean up against the wall.

“So you’re just crashing with her, huh? How convenient.” he said, crossing his arms. Indifference feigned from his mouth, but curiosity, mixed with a tinge of jealousy bubbled underneath the surface.

“Yeah, it’s quite nice being literally walking distance to the track. I’ve never had anything like this before” The American said, pressing the button for the floor Max shared with you.

Max couldn’t help but chuckle, trying to mask his intrigue. “I’ll have to admit, she picked a great building to move into. But you didn’t just come for the accommodations, did you?”

Logan shot back a look. He knew Max was trying to bait him, get him to slip up and admit something he didn’t actually mean. “Y/n’s a great friend, always fun to hang out with. She’s been showing me her photos and paintings. They cover her walls.”

Again, Logan’s words struck Max like a bullet, just as another realization hit. Logan had seen your apartment before Max had. He had seen your hotel rooms and childhood bedroom, but never your current residence.

Max’s expression shifted slightly, a mix of amusement and annoyance. “Oh really? She’s shown you her art? That’s…nice.” The words felt heavy on his tongue as he tried to keep his tone light.

“It’s impressive. You should ask her to show you sometime” Logan replied, only slightly aware of the undertones of the conversation “She has a real talent for capturing the energy of the races.”

The younger image of himself blazed in Max’s mind. He knew all too well how good you were at capturing the energy of a win.

“Sure,” Max replied, forcing a nonchalant tone. “I’ll add it to my list of things to do.”

As they stepped out of the elevator and into the hallway, Logan continued to praise your work. “Yeah, it’s honestly great to see someone so passionate about what they do. It makes you appreciate the whole atmosphere in the paddock more.”

Max nodded, his mind racing far away from the conversation in front of him. He didn’t want to admit it, but the thought of you and Logan spending time together stirred something within him. “Yeah, she’s definitely talented.”

The rest of the walk down the hall was silent, neither driver really knowing what to say. When they got to their respective doors, they exchanged nods, bidding the other goodbye. Logan turned first, Max expecting him to knock on your door, but was quickly caught off guard when he inserted a key into the slot.

His heart sank as he watched the knob turn, the door creaking open quickly after. Logan walked in, giving no glance back to his gridmate before the door closed again.

Max stood there for a moment, staring at the door. The reality of Logan being in your apartment felt like a punch to the gut. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the already built irritation.

“Get it together, Max,” he muttered to himself. He had no right to feel possessive, and had much bigger things on his plate in the next twenty four hours.

======

The Grand Prix was relatively forgettable. While Charles’ strategy was pretty standard, Carlos’ had to be one of the worst you’ve ever seen.

“What the hell are they doing with his race?” you asked Annalese, running into her along the pit.

She glanced at the engineers and strategiests sitting on the wall, each of them with their eyes glued on data filled screens. “No clue. Honestly we could call a better strategy than them”

“Exactly” you agreed “Every time I’ve heard his radio, it’s just been him complaining”

“To be fair, he does complain a lot,” Annalese laughed before bidding you goodbye to get back to work.

Towards the later half of the race, you found yourself at the final corners. A few other photographers were there, all of you aiming to capture the final laps of the Grand Prix.

As the cars roared past, you focused intently on capturing the action, your camera clicking in quick succession. While your focus was on the two cars in red, you could help but to capture a few photos of your roommates for the weekend as they drove past.

To no surprise, Max had crossed the finish line first. You were able to get a few shots of him from a distance, as there were literally no other cars remotely close to him. As neither of the Ferrari boys finished on the podium, you made your way back to the garage, where you found Isabella looking at her camera.

She looked up as you approached, as if she felt your presence. “Was your race as boring as mine?” she asked

You nodded, “Yeah, the best shot I got was of this cool looking bird that landed on the railing during lap 65”

Isabella laughed, shaking her head “At least you got something. All I got was the pit wall’s collective frustration”

“Well that’s their own doing” you chuckled. “I did manage to get a shot or two of Max weaving around the Anthony Nodges curve. The team is gonna have to pay big bucks for them though”

“Oh yeah, they’d totally do that” Isabella said, sarcasm dripping from her words.

You glanced down pit lane at the celebration of Max and his team. Laughter and cheers echoed all the way down the straight, with the Dutch Anthem soon to follow.

“Are you going to the after party?” Isabella asked, forcing you to tear your gaze away from the commotion.

You shook your head, “Nah, it’s gonna be total chaos out there. I have a bottle of wine and photo editing calling my name”

“I get it. I guess you can kinda go out whenever ‘cause you live here” she said “I’m excited to see what the nightlife is finally like.”

“Oh it’s fun.” you emphasized “Knowing Max, you guys will probably end up at either Jimmy’z or Sass Cafe. Just be careful. You never know what the guys are gonna get into”

With one last glance at the festivities down the pit, you said goodbye to your coworker and headed out.

======

Max needed that win badly. He needed the win to prove he was the best. He needed the win to prove to himself he was better than some American on the grid.

But more importantly, Max craved the after party. The wild celebrations, the loud music, the flashing lights - anything and everything to help him escape the pressure. He needed to forget the win, forget the American, and especially forget you.

Just like you predicted, Max found himself and the rest of the party at Jimmy’z. The club was alive, a whirlwind of energy and sound that enveloped him the second he stepped inside. The bass pulsed through his body, drowning out most of the doubts and expectations of the weekend.

Except no matter how many drinks he had, the thoughts of Logan in your apartment still lingered. The image of both of you together, the laughter, the easy intimacy - it was a ghost that haunted him. Every beat of the music seemed to echo the sound of your door closing, with Logan inside.

What made it worse was that neither of you were at the party. Every time he glanced around, he hoped to find you in the crowd, only to be met with a sea of unfamiliar faces. Max knew you were always hit or miss when going out, but he assumed since it was in a place you were familiar with, you’d be joining.

As the night wore on, he pushed through the crowd, seeking distractions in drunken laughter and loud cheers, but the absence of you and Logan loomed larger. Each moment of joy was tainted by the feeling of something missing, a void he couldn’t ignore. A hole that needed to be filled.

He started by surrounding himself with his friends. Lando had just gotten done mixing a set and was leaving the dj booth when Max found him.

“There you are, mate!” Lando said over the booming music, his face lit up with excitement. “You like the mix?”

“Yeah, it was great,” Max said, nodding slightly. The music had been the last thing on his mind.

“Thanks, it’s brand new” Lando continued, completely oblivious to the fact Max wasn’t listening. The Brit spotted the empty glass in Max’s hands prompting his face to light up again. “Next round is on me”

Max didn’t have the time to argue as Lando made his way to the bar. Max followed, weaving in and out of the crowd, only to be handed a shot by his friend.

The two men clinked the glasses before tapping them on the table and putting them to their mouths. Max downed the shot quickly, the burn a welcome distraction.

“Congrats on the win again,” Lando said. Max barely muttered out a “thanks”, and for the first time that night, Lando’s happy-go-lucky disposition changed. “You doing alright, mate?”

“Yeah, just tired” he replied, hoping Lando would drop the topic and move on

Lando studied him for a moment, concern creeping into his expression. “No you’re not.” his eyes narrowed, as if he was zeroing in on the problem. “You’re still mad about y/n and Logan, aren’t you?”

“What? No.” He scoffed. Lando gave him a knowing look. Max’s shoulders slumped in defeat “Yeah”

Lando’s expression softened. “You’ve got to let it go, Max. You can’t let this ruin your night. Celebrate your win!”

Max ran a hand through his hair, frustration slowly bubbling up to the surface. “It’s not that easy, mate. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t help it.”

“Look,” Lando said, leaning in closer, his voice serious. “You’re going to have a million nights sulking. You can’t keep carrying this around with you. Enjoy the moment. Let loose. Go find some girl to entertain you for the night.”

Max let out a sharp laugh, though it lacked any real humor. “You think some random girl is gonna fix this?”

“Maybe not fix, but it could help take your mind off things for the night.” Lando shrugged, handing him a glass filled with god knows what

Max stared at the drink in his hands, the ice clinking against the glass as if mocking him. Lando’s words hung in the air, and he could feel the weight of the night pressing down on him. It was true - he needed a distraction, something to pull him out of the spiral of thoughts that had haunted him since he saw Logan enter your apartment.

His eyes scanned the crowd, looking for a girl who could fill the void that you unknowingly left. At the edge of the dance floor, Max caught the gaze of a small brunette. He quickly chugged his drink, placing the empty glass on the bar.

“I’ll see you around” Max said to Lando before making his way back through the crowd

Max pushed through the mass of bodies, the bass pulsing with each step he took. As he approached the brunette, he felt a mix of anticipation and uncertainty. She was laughing with her friends, her smile bright and infectious, but he couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut.

“Hey” he said, leaning in slightly so he could be heard over the music. She turned, her eyes lighting up at the sight of him.

“Hey! You’re Max right?” She asked, the driver nodding in response “Congrats on the win today”

“Thanks, I appreciate it” He said, a genuine smile creeping on his face for the first time tonight. He couldn’t lie, the girl’s energy was infectious.

The two of them quickly found themselves intertwined with each other, the beat of the music driving every movement. Max felt the tension in his chest ease as they danced, the thoughts of you slowly fading away.

Meanwhile, you, Logan and Oscar had made yourselves comfortable in your living room. The sound of the Cars movie filled the background as the three of you split a bottle of red wine. Your laptop sat on the coffee table as you edited the photos from the day, constantly being interrupted by one of the guys.

You adjusted your position on the couch, leaning back into the cushions as you sipped your wine. The warmth of the red liquid relaxed you, contrasting with the lively banter between Logan and Oscar. The American was to your right on the couch, his arm resting behind you, just close enough for you to bump into it whenever you moved. Oscar on the other hand was sprawled on the floor, claiming he needed to stretch.

“Hey, can you pause that for a second?” Logan asked, looking over your shoulder. “I wanna see those pics from earlier.”

You looked at the laptop, filled with candid shots from today’s adventures at the track. “Sure.” you said, hitting pause and turning the screen to face him.

Logan leaned in, close enough for you to get a wave of his cologne. “These are sick. We need to get you over to Williams next season”

“Yeah, good luck trying to get Annalese to agree to that” you chuckled

Oscar made his way off of the floor over to the other side of the couch. “You should post that photo of Max going around turn 19. It’s really good”

You smiled at the thought, but still your stomach twisted. It wouldn’t be the first time you posted Max, but you didn’t want the fans to get the wrong idea.

“Yeah, I might” you replied, forcing your focus back to the photos. “I just want to make sure I have the right ones picked out.”

The three of you set back into a comfortable rhythm, sipping wine and tossing comments about the movie. But every time you caught a glimpse of the photos of Max, your mind wandered back to him, and the party you were missing out on.

“Are you alright?” Oscar asked suddenly, catching the shift in your demeanor

You forced a smile, maybe a bit too big to be genuine “Yeah, just thinking about the shots”

Oscar raised an eyebrow, not convinced with your answer “Thinking about Max?”

You sighed, looking down at the photo of the navy blue car, the cursor hovering directly over the cockpit. “Yeah” you sighed “Kind of wishing I went out with them”

“Are we that boring?” Logan asked, his voice dripping in pretend hurt

“Of course not” you said, “Just not everyday you get to celebrate a Grand Prix”

“You’re right, it’s only almost every weekend” Oscar said, your eyes rolling in response

As the movie continued, you tried pushing the thoughts aside and immersing yourself in the present. For now, you could enjoy this night, even if part of your mind was still on Max, hoping he was finding his own way to celebrate.

Your thoughts were cut off by the sound of your apartment door jolting. The sound was far from a knock. It was much more demanding, as if the cause was trying to force itself into your place. You exchanged glances with the two boys on your couch before you got up to investigate.

As you approached the door, your heart raced with curiosity. You glanced back at Logan and Oscar, who looked equally as intrigued, their laughter from the movie fading into silence.

You opened the door, just enough to get a peak who was behind it. On the other side stood a disheveled Max. He was slightly out of breath, the unmistakable scent of a party lingered on his lips. His apartment key was in his hand, and his focus on the lock on your door.

“Max,” you spoke, causing the Dutchman to look up, his expression shifting from confusion to recognition. “What are you-”

Before you could finish your sentence, an unmistakable voice filled the hall “Y/n!”

Your head snapped to the source of the voice, your eyes widening as you made eye contact with a certain brunette. The reality of the moment crashed over you as you glanced back at Max, whose focus was now fully on you. The tension in the air was palatable.

“Isabella” you whispered, choosing your next words carefully, a knot forming in your stomach. “What are you doing here?”

“Max invited me over!” she exclaimed, the same intoxicating scent wafting off her tongue. “I didn’t realize you two live together.”

“We don’t” you clarified, trying to keep your voice steady. “I live here. Max lives across the hall. Isn’t that right, Max?”

The tension thickened, his cheeks pink with embarrassment as he slowly processed the mistake, “Right” he agreed, turning to your coworker. “I live right there,” he said, pointing to his own door across the hall.

Suddenly, footsteps echoed behind you, halting the uncomfortable situation. Max’s eyes widened, taking in the presence behind you as the warmth of a hand rested on your waist.

“Is everything alright?” Logan spoke from behind you, his voice cutting through the tension.

“Yeah” you replied as your tone grew harsher. Your focus was still locked on Max. “Max here just happened to forget which apartment is his. I was just helping him get the correct one. Right Max?”

Max swallowed hard, his gaze moving to the hand resting on your body. “Right” he repeated, turning to Isabella and taking her hand as he stepped back.

As you closed the door, a groan escaped your lips, the frustration finally bubbling to the surface. Logan and Oscar exchanged glances, curious about what just transpired.

“What was that all about?” Oscar asked, now sprawled out on the couch

“Honestly, I have no idea” You sighed, running your hands through your hair in exasperation “It’s like he completely lost his mind”

“Max took home Isabella and thought y/n’s apartment was his” Logan clarified, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

“Oh” the Aussie said, finally sitting up, a look of realization crossing his face “I guess the good thing about this is that you finally know how he feels?” he suggested, an awkward smile on his face.

Both you and Logan gave Oscar a glare that would wipe out an entire country.

Oscar raised his hands in mock surrender, laughing nervously “Alright, alright. Just trying to lighten the mood.”

======

Sunlight streamed through Max’s curtains signaling that the day was beginning. The night before felt like a distant memory, a surreal blend of laughter and reckless abandon that danced just beyond his grasp. He squinted against the bright light, wincing at the pounding in his head confirmed the reality of it all.

Shifting slightly, Max felt the weight of his body pressing into the sheets, sticky and tangled from the heat of the night. The remnants of conversations echoed in his mind - the mix of playful banter and hints of something deeper. He couldn’t shake the feeling that the night had changed something, but he wasn’t quite ready to piece it together.

With a groan, he pushed himself up, the world spinning slightly as he took a moment to gather his thoughts. He glanced around the room, still a bit disoriented. Photos of races and trophies adorned the walls, reminders of his life as a driver, but it was the incessant buzzing of his phone that caught his attention.

Reaching for it, he noticed the screen lit up with a message. As he unlocked it, confusion flooded his head when he saw Isabella’s name flash across the screen. He had no recollection of her evening giving him her number.

Isabella: Had a great time last night! See you in Spain ;)

Max’s eyes snapped wide as the reality of the night before settled in. The conversation with Lando, the way Isabella had danced, and then the moment he’d invited her back to his place. But more vividly, he recalled you opening the door, the surprise on your face, and Logan’s hand on your waist, pulling you closer.

His heart raced as he pieced together the details. Had he really invited Isabella back to his place after everything that had unfolded? How did the night spiral in ways he never anticipated? What had felt so carefree now felt tangled and complicated.

He shot Isabella a half hearted text saying that he enjoyed the evening too, before setting his phone down, anxiety gnawing at him. Max knew he messed up. Big time. He hadn’t just blurred the lines with Isabella; he’d torched any chance of something real with you

Taking a deep breath, he raked a hand through his hair, trying to shake off the fog. He needed to talk to you, to set everything straight. But how could he explain everything without sounding completely insane? “Hey! I slept with your coworker trying to get over the massive crush I have on you because I think you’re sleeping with Logan.” wouldn’t sit well with you at all.

He thought about going over and knocking on your door to apologize for his actions, but didn’t want to risk running into Logan again. Sending a text seemed too casual for the weight of what he wanted to say.

But then the debate of whether or not he even should say anything crossed his mind. What if you didn’t care? What if you were happily enjoying your relationship? The thought made his stomach churn, the fear of rejection eventually winning him over.

Spielberg, Austria

You had avoided Max in Spain and Canada, dodging him at every turn. Whether it was ducking behind a stack of tires again, or taking the long way around the paddock to avoid walking past the Energy Station, you hadn’t seen Max, and Max hadn’t seen you.

Isabella was harder to avoid, being coworkers after all. Thankfully, she seemed to get the hint that you didn’t want to interact, minding her business and spending most of her time in Carlos’ garage.

It was media day in Austria, and while the drivers were in their briefings and press conferences, you had made yourself comfortable in the Ferrari pit. The buzz of the paddock felt familiar and comforting, a stark contrast to the tangled emotions you had been wrestling with.

The mechanics and engineers moved around you as you sat on your skateboard, using it to glide down the concrete to capture pit stop practice. The sounds of chatter and clanking filled the air, creating a symphony of activity that kept your mind occupied. You snapped photos of the team, capturing the precision and teamwork that made their pitstops efficient.

As you worked, the sound of laughter caught your attention. You looked around, trying to find the culprit, but you wished you hadn’t. Max was in the Red Bull pit, surrounded by a few team members. He looked relaxed, a stark contrast to how you felt.

Your heart raced at the sight of him, and instinct kicked in. You shifted your focus back to your camera, trying to suppress the mixed feelings inside.

“Are you alright, tesoro?” One of the mechanics asked, causing you to jump

You looked up, forcing a smile. “Yeah, just a little distracted.”

“Is Max causing you trouble?” he asked, a teasing glint in his eye

You laughed softly, trying to downplay it “You could call it that. Just stupid paddock drama”

The mechanic nodded knowingly, a sympathetic expression on his face. “I know how it is. May I ask what happened?”

You hesitated, weighing your options. What is spoken about in Ferrari usually stays in Ferrari. But it doesn’t help when part of the problem is also in Ferrari.

“It’s complicated” you finally said, glancing back at Max who was too busy yapping to one of his team members to notice you staring. “We were… close, but he took someone home after Monaco that I wasn’t expecting.”

As if on cue, Max bid goodbye to his mechanics, turning towards the Ferrari garages. Your breath caught in your throat, and you quickly looked away, focusing back on your camera. You felt a rush of anxiety wash over you.

“He’s coming this way” the mechanic observed “Maybe he’ll come and say hi”

“Doubt it” you mumbled

Sure enough, the driver walked straight past you and the mechanic, his pace not faltering in the slightest. He stopped in front of Carlos’ garage, a smile grew on his face as he spotted someone inside. Moments later, Isabella emerged from the garage, embracing Max in a hug.

Your stomach twisted as you watched the scene unfold. The warmth of their interaction felt like a punch to the gut, but you couldn’t get yourself to turn away. You could feel the mechanic’s gaze shift between you and the unfolding moment, his expression a mix of concern and curiosity.

“Looks like they’re close” he said quietly, trying to gauge your reaction

You forced a laugh, though it felt hollow “Yeah, you can say that”

Isabella leaned in to say something to Max, his laugh rang out, carefree and easy. Jealousy couldn’t help but bubble up as you recalled his visits to your side of the garage only a season prior. The way he joked with you, the late-night run-ins in the paddock that felt so special. Now it all felt so distant, a ghost of what had been.

“Come on, let’s get you in the car to get some different angles” the mechanic offered, noticing your shift in demeanor “I think there’s a wrench somewhere around here you can throw at him”

Your laugh was genuine for the first time at the thought of knocking out the driver with the metal tool. “Don’t tempt me with a good time.” You said as you stood up from your skateboard.

On the other side of the Ferrari pit, Max opted to give Isabella a chance. He told himself he couldn’t spend the rest of his life waiting around for you, the uncertainty of your feelings pushed him more towards her. Late nights and quick favors between the two of you were just signs of friendship, he reasoned.

Still, he could feel your eyes on him as he talked with Isabella, and it took everything in him not to look over. However, conversation with her felt natural, laughter coming out easily, just as it did with you. Maybe, just maybe, the void you left could be filled.

======

The weekend continued with Max popping up randomly in Carlos’ garage. It irritated you to no extent that you couldn’t predict when he’d appear, giving yourself a taste of what everyone else felt last season. He seemed to have a knack for showing up right when you got into a groove, your focus sharp and your shots framed perfectly.

On Saturday afternoon, you were deep in concentration, capturing the mechanics as they fine-tuned Carlos’ car, when you caught a glimpse of Max out of the corner of your eye. He leaned casually against the wall, chatting with a few of Carlos’ crew members, laughter spilling from his lips. It felt like a dagger to your gut - so effortless, so carefree.

You clenched your jaw, trying to focus on your work. The work you shouldn’t even be doing, but Isabella was MIA. Knowing the content needed to be out sooner rather than later, you stepped in. But now, you were regretting your choices.

With every burst of laughter from Max, your heart sank deeper. You shifted your position, framing a shot of Carlos as he animatedly discussed tire strategy, but your mind kept shifting back to Max. Why did he have to be here, looking so at ease, while you felt like you were drowning in confusion?

“Hey, are you alright?” Annalese appeared beside you, her voice cutting through your spiral of thoughts

You forced a nod, your gaze still locked on Max “Yeah, just doing a little extra work”

At the sound of your voice, Max’s head turned. His eyes met yours, and suddenly you felt like you were going to puke. As quick as he made eye contact, you broke it, turning back to the car in front of you.

“Right. Just work.” Annalease said, raising an eyebrow

You sighed, your next words quieter than before “I just don’t get why he’s here”

Confusion crossed on your boss’s face, “Who? Max?”

“Yeah, I mean Isabella isn’t even here” you added

“What does that have to do with anything?” She asked, genuinely puzzled

You turned your head to look at Annalese, genuine surprise on your face. “No one told you? I thought once it hit the mechanics, they’d be telling everyone”

You recounted the night in Monaco, just quiet enough so the Dutchman wouldn’t hear from the garage entrance. With every added detail, Annalese’s emotions switched from confusion, to anger, then finally settled on pure pity.

“I can’t believe he just waltzed in here after that” Annalese said, her voice low, eyes narrowed at Max as he laughed again with the crew. “That’s… seriously messed up”

You nodded, feeling a weight settle in your chest. “Right? It’s like he thinks he can just pretend everything is fine, that nothing happened.”

“People are complicated” she reminded “But that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to show up here, especially with Isabella missing. It’s just inconsiderate”

“I’m just trying to get this content done, then going back over to Charles’ side of the garage” you said, frustration peeking through your words “But every time I see him, I lose my focus. It’s like he’s some kind of distraction.”

“Maybe he is” Annalese muttered “But you need to take care of yourself first”

You watched as Max leaned in closer to one of the mechanics, his smile wide and disarming. “Easier said than done,” you muttered. “Every time I look at him, I remember that night. I can’t just turn that off.”

“Then don’t” Annalese’s tone shifted, more supportive now. “Use it. Capture what you’re feeling. It could make for some powerful content.”

“Powerful?” you asked, skepticism creeping in.

“Raw. Real. People want to see the truth behind the glitz and glam of racing. If you’re feeling something, channel that into your work.”

Taking a deep breath, you focused on Carlos again, his passion lighting up the garage. You adjusted your lens, trying to frame the chaos, the energy, the underlying tension. Maybe if you captured that, it would help clear the fog.

But just as you were starting to find your rhythm again, you heard Max’s voice cut through the air, directing some joke at you. His words were quickly replaced by the sound of your camera shutter, capturing the moment between the Dutchman and the Spaniard.

You pressed the playback button, getting a look at what you just shot. The mechanics moving around the garage framed the two drivers in the photo, but what truly caught your eye was the growing tension on Max’s face with each camera click. Looking up from your camera, you could see why.

Logan had joined Max and Carlos, his presence instantly shifting the atmosphere. Logan was usually easy going, getting along with the rest of the grid, but as he talked, you could see Max’s confident demeanor crack just a bit. It was refreshing to see the two time world champion falter, but you couldn’t understand how a rookie was the reason.

======

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Max crossed the finish line far before anyone else. Charles and Logan followed behind, completing the podium. While you were thankful that Charles did well, you weren’t looking forward to seeing Max on the top step for the fifth race in a row.

You trudged over to parc ferme, just as Max was pulling up the car. Thankfully, he was too busy getting out of the car and celebrating with his team to see you with Charles. Clicks of the camera filled the air as Charles got out of the car, throwing up two fingers as he walked over to you, his eyes crinkling through his helmet.

“Congrats!” You said, moving the camera from your face, revealing a grin

“Thank you, thank you.” He replied, embracing you in a quick hug before going to congratulate the other drivers on their finishes.

You snapped a few photos of Charles talking with Logan, both guys animatedly gesturing their experiences on the track. As Charles moved to Max, Logan turned his attention to you, his smile beaming brighter than before.

“Congrats Logan!” you practically yelled as you ran over to your friend

He engulfed you in a bear hug, squeezing you slightly. “Thank you, y/n. I can’t believe it’s the first one”

“First of hopefully many to come” you replied as you separated from him. “You deserve it Logan, you’ve earned it”

You didn’t know Max was watching you as you continued your conversation with Logan. He didn’t want you to know he analyzed every inch of your face as your emotions changed. He didn’t want you to know that you had the same look on your face that you did in the hotel in Baku. He didn’t want you to know that he knew that you were in love with Logan.

You glanced over your shoulder, checking to see if Charles was doing anything photo worthy, only to get a glimpse of Max with his team. He had his eyes on you already, the look in his eye sent a mix of confusion and annoyance through you. He shouldn’t be looking. His fling was twenty feet away in the other direction, also donning Ferrari red.

Thankfully, the three drivers were forced through the post race interviews and to the cooldown room before you snapped on Max for staring. You found yourself a spot under the podium, perfect for capturing photos of your two friends as they celebrated. Isabella squeezed in to your left, a lovestruck smile on her face.

“Good race, wasn’t it?” you spoke, trying to be as friendly as you could

She nodded enthusiastically, impatiently waiting for the Dutchman to come out. “Absolutely! I mean he just dominated out there!”

You nodded, unsure of what to say in response. Annalese was to your right, giving you someone else to talk to as you waited. The two of you chatted for a bit until you lifted your camera again, getting shots of Logan and Charles as they walked out.

Letting Isabella stand next to you was a bad idea. The second Max walked out, his eyes were glued in your direction. You knew he was looking at her. There was no doubt about that. But for him to get all smiley and crinkly eyed while looking near you? It made you sick.

“Can they just play the damn song and move on?” You muttered to Annalese, causing her to burst out in laughter during the trophy presentation.

“You’ll be back in your hotel soon, don’t worry” Annalese reassured

Marina Bay, Singapore

It was no secret that Carlos was having a hell of a weekend. He already topped the free practice sessions, and took pole position, which sent excitement rippling through the Ferrari garage. The energy in the air was palpable with hope and anticipation as the team prepared for the race.

So far, most of your weekend was spent running back and forth between the two red terminals, much to your dismay. Coming into the weekend, you were under the impression you would only be with Charles, but a certain brunette went missing for randomly long periods of time yet again.

“Have you seen Isabella?” Annalese asked as she walked into Carlos’ garage

“If I did, do you think I’d be here?” You retorted, not breaking your concentration on the shot you lined up. Carlos was in deep conversation with his engineers, the intensity of the moment reflected in his face.

You didn’t have to look to know Annalese rolled her eyes “Fair point. Do you know where she’s been? This is the third time today.”

“My money is Red Bull” you answered “Y’know, with the two of them sucking each other’s faces off for the past few months.”

Annalese chuckled, shaking her head “I did not need that image in my head. But she needs to get her act together. I can’t have one of my photographers slacking and spending time in a rival garage.”

“Tell that to her, not me” you muttered, turning your attention back to Carlos, who was now finishing up with his team.

“Yeah, you’re at least quick with your trips down to Williams”

Once again, you tore your focus from your camera to focus on your boss. Your eyebrows furrowed as you took in her words. “What do you mean? I’m rarely down there.”

It was Annalese’s turn to be confused “Oh I thought with you and Logan-.”

“What? Oh no. Logan and I aren’t - we’re just good friends” you clarified

“Oh, my bad. I’ve seen you and Logan together a lot recently. I thought something was starting” Annalese apologized.

“You’re all good. But after everything with Max, I think I’ve sworn off liking drivers” you said “They’re too much for me.”

“Fair enough” Annalese replied, her tone turning more serious as she watched Carlos. “Just keep an eye on Isabella. If she’s going to be absent, I need to know so I can plan accordingly. Carlos’ photos aren’t your responsibility.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out for her” you said

As the sunset in the sky and the race drew nearer, the energy in both of the Ferrari garages grew. You were in Charles’ garage, capturing the last moments before the cars went out on track. Just as you were about to make your way out to the track, you noticed Isabella finally striding in, a flustered look on her face.

“Look what the cat dragged in” you called, getting Isabella’s attention. “Where have you been?”

“Long story, but I got some great shots in the Red Bull garage” she replied, slightly out of breath and a sheepish grin forming on her face.

It took every bone in your body not to storm down to the Red Bull garages and give Max a piece of your mind then and there. Instead, you pushed the thoughts to the back of your mind. There was a job to be done.

You exchanged a look with Annalese, who raised an eyebrow. “Alright, just don’t let it happen again.” she said “We need all hands on deck everyday.”

“Trust me, it won’t.” Isabella assured, her tone more serious now. “I won’t get distracted again”

Isabella made her way to the back of the garage, presumably to change out her SD cards. As you watched, you couldn’t help but wonder what caused the sudden shift. And you wouldn’t be surprised if Max was somehow linked to it.

======

As everyone hoped, Carlos ended up on the top step of the podium, completing his weekend sweep. Everyone in red was on cloud nine, and for the first time since Azerbaijan, you didn’t hear your country’s national anthem.

The celebrations in the paddock were long done for the day as you made your way out of the Ferrari motorhome. You didn’t wrap up until late into the night, so you were expecting to be the only one still left, but to your surprise, a familiar Dutchman was also still around.

You don’t know if it was the amount of champagne you accidentally ingested during the celebrations, or if it was Isabella’s actions earlier, but something within you caused you to speak.

“Fancy seeing you here” you said, trying to keep your tone light despite the swirl of emotions inside you. Max was leaning against the wall of the Energy Station, a bottle of water in hand, looking at something on his phone.

He glanced up, surprise flashing across his face for a second before returning to his normal indifferent stare. “Hey. Congrats on the win”

Your eyebrows furrowed in fake confusion as you stopped next to him “What did I win? I just took photos”

“You know what I mean” Max mumbled, rolling his eyes, though a small smirk formed on his lips “But Carlos looked really strong, he deserved the win, and the celebration.”

“Oh he’s getting every bit of celebration he can. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard Smooth Operator today” you chuckled, the memory of the Spaniard dancing to the music replaying in your head.

Awkward tension hung in the air, neither of you sure what to say next. You looked around the dim paddock, for any idea of a talking point. It wasn’t until you noticed the darkness in the Energy Station that you spoke again. “What’re you even still doing here?”

“Just unwinding after a long day. Needed the extra time to get out. You know how exhausting this track is” he explained, but by the way he was fiddling with his bottle and refusing to make eye contact, you knew he wasn’t telling the truth.

Your eyes narrowed as you made eye contact with him, a swirl of suspicion and hurt forming in your chest. “You’re waiting for Isabella aren’t you?”

Max paused, his gaze darting away for a moment before meeting your eyes again “I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m specifically waiting for her,” he said, but the slight hesitation in his voice gave it away.

“You know I’m not as dumb as I look, right?” you asked, a small smile forced onto your lips “I know you two are together. I’m happy for you, you deserve it” Your stomach churned as you spoke. Each word felt like a knife twisting deeper, but you couldn’t let him see how much it hurt.

Max’s expression shifted, gratitude and relief mingling in his eyes, only deeping the pain. “Thanks. It’s nice to hear that”

“But you better not steal her from Ferrari any more, Annalese might have your head on a spike” you joked, but a warning tone lingered underneath. Max chuckled slightly, but the tension in his shoulders remained.

“Well she’s an adult, she can make her own decisions” Max shrugged, a hint of definane in his tone, seemingly indifferent to the fact that she only has access to the paddock because of her job.

You crossed your arms as you spoke. “An adult who is employed. She needs to do her job” you countered, your voice firm yet wavering slightly, desperate for him to understand the reality of the situation.

“Oh like you do your job all the time” Max shot back, rolling his eyes with a smirk that felt more like a jab “I’ve seen you running around a lot with Logan. Seems like you have a type.”

Your heart raced, confusion mixing with anger, “Max, what are you talking abou-”

“Don’t play dumb” he interrupted, his expression hardening as the tension grew dramatically “Everyone sees how you act around him.”

You felt your cheeks flush at his words, a mix of embarrassment and irritation flooding through you. “I’m not playing dumb” you shot back, trying to regain control of the conversation. “Logan and I are friends. It’s not my fault he’s actually nice to be around”

“Nice, huh?” Max raised an eyebrow, though his eyes were red with anger “He’s giving you something nice, for sure”

“Are you serious?” you asked, exasperated “You’re really going to stand there and accuse me of sleeping with one of my best friends?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything” he replied, an indifferent mask suddenly plastered on his face, a clear facade that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m just saying you get close to drivers in a way that makes people talk.”

“And it’s just that, Max. It’s just talk. The same stupid rumors that were flown around when you and I were close friends. The same stupid rumors that meant absolutely nothing, because it was just nothing.” you bit back, your voice rising in frustration.

“So you’re saying it’s still nothing?” Max challenged, his tone sharp “You really thought people wouldn’t notice just how cozy you and Logan are? You’re not fooling anyone.”

“Maybe I don’t need to fool anyone” you snapped, pure adrenaline fueling your words “Maybe I’m more comfortable in my friendships with drivers than you are in your relationship with a Ferrari photographer who happens to look like me.”

Max’s expression darkened at your words, a mix of anger and hurt flashing across his face. “That’s low,” he said quietly, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air.

“Weird, isn’t it? Facing the truth” you said, your voice steadier than you felt, trying to anchor yourself amongst the rising tension.

You took a step away from Max, and then another. The space between you felt charged, like a wire ready to snap. You didn’t want to back down, but your words lingered, creating a chasm between you.

Max’s eyes darted around your face, looking for any signs of an emotion other than anger, only stopping when he saw your lips. He wanted nothing more than to pull you in and kiss you. He wanted to tell you that you were all that he wanted, and no one could ever come close.

But he couldn’t. He was waiting for Isabella.

And you almost wanted it too. You almost wanted him to tell you Isabella meant nothing. That it was all just some silly plan to try and get over you. You almost wanted him to confess he had been madly in love with you since you first reconnected last year.

But he wouldn’t. He was waiting for Isabella.

So, you turned any longing you had left into anger. Your fists clenched, dying to take a swing at the man in front of you. You wanted to show just how much pain he caused you through his actions, through his words.

But you shouldn’t. You would lose your job if you did.

And so, you walked away. You unclenched your fist, and walked away. Each step echoed the unresolved mess. The night air was cool against your skin, but inside, there was a mixture of liberation and lingering frustration. Though you said what needed to be said, the ache of unspoken feelings still hung in the air, heavy in your chest as you left him behind.

Austin, USA

The events of the Japan and Qatar Grand Prixs were nearly identical: Charles qualifying within the top five, having a strong start, a poor strategy messing up his race, and hearing the Dutch National Anthem in the distance. It didn’t help that to top it all off, Red Bull had secured the Constructors Championship and Max had secured the Driver’s Championship with ease. The team needed a morale booster, and Austin was the place to try and do it.

“I feel absolutely ridiculous” you said as you stood in the paddock entrance, waiting to capture Charles’ arrival for media day.

He had convinced you to go all out with him and dress up for media day. Your hair was folded into two braids, and a cowboy hat rested on your head. A red bandana was tied around your neck, matching the bright red Ferrari polo that was hiding under your jean jacket. You glanced at yourself in the reflection of a nearby window, half-amused and half-embarrassed.

“What’re you talking about? You look amazing” Annalese teased “You fit in with the locals”

Your eyes scanned the area, only to find absolutely no one dressed like you. “Yeah, because the locals are dressed like a walking cliche” you muttered

“Okay you don’t look that ridiculous” she said “Plus, Charles definitely needs the boost”

As if on cue, you heard the beep of a paddock pass being scanned. Looking to the gates, Charles was walking through the turnstiles, donning a black cowboy hat, black bandana, and dark blue jean jacket.

“There’s my partner in crime!” He called as you captured a few photos of him walking up to you, a goofy grin plastered on his face. “You look amazing”

“Thanks” you replied, slight embarrassment still in your voice “I do feel a bit silly”

“At least you’re not the one in front of the camera” Charles chuckled.

Annalese and yourself walked with Charles down the paddock towards the media areas. To no surprise, all eyes were on the driver as he walked with such confidence. Fans and staff alike had their attention on Charles. Thankfully, any worry about looking ridiculous washed away as the three of you joked your way through the paddock.

After a quick stop in the Ferrari motorhome, the three of you finally made it to the media pen. A few of the other drivers were already there, including the Alpine boys, and Max. For it being early in the morning, the atmosphere was lively, as reporters were prepping their questions.

You and Annalese hung towards the back of the pen, being sure not to get in any of the drivers' ways as they approached the barriers. As Charles and Max talked to the media, you watched intently, each of the boys differed with how they answered the long list of questions.

Charles, as always, had an easygoing charm, answering each question with a relaxed but thoughtful demeanor. He was clearly comfortable in the media spotlight, using humor to deflect some of the tougher questions while staying focused on the bigger picture for Ferrari.

Across the pen was Max, who was standing a little more rigidly, with his arms crossed, answering questions with that signature confidence that was almost always tinged with a bit of confidence. Even though both championships were already on lock, there was no sign of complacency in his posture.

A reporter threw him a question about the team’s performance, and Max’s response was sharp and succinct. “We’ve done what we’ve needed to do this season. It’s been a solid year, and I’m happy with the results. But we’re always looking to improve, even when things are going well.”

His tone was calm, but there was an underlying intensity that you knew too well. Sure, you had heard it time and time again in his interviews, but it was also the same intensity you heard in Singapore. It was the same bitterness and anger that was bubbling under the surface.

Max knew you were mere feet behind him. He knew you could hear every single word he was saying. He knew you dressed in that stupid little cowgirl outfit so Charles wouldn’t be the only one in the paddock looking ridiculous, but god did you pull it off.

As his interview wrapped up, you saw how Max’s eyes flickered danced around the room scanning it before landing on you. There was a slight glint in his eyes, almost telling that he was aware of everything - the outfit, the mood, the tension, and maybe even the unspoken distance between you two. And when his gaze met yours, the glint disappeared. There was no warmth, no acknowledgement - just a cold, unreadable look.

You shifted your feet, suddenly very aware of the hat perched on your head and the bandana around your neck. You’d done this for Charles. Just for Charles.

“Everything alright?” Annalese asked, noticing your stiff posture. You hadn’t realized you’d tensed up until she spoke.

“Yeah, just Max is… being Max.” You didn’t elaborate. There wasn’t much else to say.

Max was always intense with the media, but today it felt like something else - something deeper than just the team. Maybe it was the contrast between his icy exterior and the warmth of Charles, or maybe it was his sheer competitiveness, which never seemed to wane. But it felt almost like he was throwing down a silent challenge.

Annalese raised an eyebrow, “Max still has a way of making everything seem personal, huh?”

“Yeah” you couldn’t seem to hide the bitterness in your voice. Personal wasn’t the word you would have chosen, but it was close enough. The fact that he could unsettle you with a glance, that he could turn something as simple as an interview into a moment of quiet conflict, was maddening.

But you didn’t have time to dwell on it. Charles was finishing up his own interview now, his easygoing smile still in place, though you could see the familiar exhaustion behind it. When you first started with the team, you would be shocked at how tired he got after each interview. But now that you’ve been here for a while, you couldn’t go a day without seeing it.

“Ready to get out of here?” Charles asked, walking over with a lighthearted air, completely oblivious to the tension that seemed to hang around.

“Absolutely” you gave him a quick smile, happy to leave the heavy atmosphere of the media pen behind. But even as you turned to walk with him, a part of you lingered on Max’s last words. We’re always looking to improve, even when things are going well.

======

You honestly weren’t sure how it happened. You were minding your business in the Ferrari motorhome, editing your content from media day when Annalese approached you, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. She knew something you didn’t, and you were about to find out, whether you liked it or not.

“Hey, you free for a second?” she asked, leaning against a doorframe, arms crossed, the usual casual confidence about her.

You looked up from your laptop, blinking a few times as you tried to piece together whether she was being serious or just teasing. “Sure, what’s up?”

She raised an eyebrow, then glanced over her shoulder, making sure no one else was nearby. “So, you’re familiar with Drive to Survive, right?”

“The Netflix show? Yeah. What about it?” you asked, sitting up a little bit more.

Annalese smirked “Well, they’re filming the weekend in Austin. They’ve been bouncing around the teams trying to get some sort of exciting story line.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, confused as to what she was getting at “What does that have to do with me?”

“After talking with a few of us, they learned you do a lot of behind the scenes footage and are good friends with a handful of the guys” she explained “And they were wondering if you’d be willing to be followed around and interviewed for a bit.

You blinked a few times, trying to process what Annalese was saying. “They want me to be on camera?”

She gave you a knowing look, her smirk widening. “Yep. They’re apparently looking for someone with your kind of insight - someone who isn’t just a part of the circus but actually gets the day-to-day stuff. And since you’re always with the drivers and the team, it seemed like a good fit. Plus your following is going to help boost their viewers.”

“And you think this is a good idea?” you asked cautiously, trying to get a read on her expression. “What if it all blows up in my face? Or what if it messes up my work?”

Annalese leaned forward slightly, her expression softening, more earnest now. “Look, I get it. It’s a lot. But think about it. You know I wouldn’t push you into something if I didn’t think you could handle it.”

You hesitated for a long moment, lingering on Annalese’s words. Finally, you let out a deep sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll do it. But if this all goes to hell, I’m blaming you.”

And that’s how you found yourself sitting in a room in the bowels of the paddock, away from the normal hustle and bustle of the morning of qualifying. You were the only one in a team’s gear, everyone else around you had their clothes embroidered with Netflix, leaving you to be the odd one out.

The lights were bright, and the crew around you looked more prepared for a Hollywood film than a race weekend in Austin. One of the producers had mic’d you up, and was sitting on the other side of the camera from you.

“Okay, y/n. Just state your name, and your role with the team please” She said, a warm smile on her face

“Should I look at you, or look at the camera when I talk?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing

“Looking at me is perfectly fine” She answered

You nodded, shifting slightly in your seat to try and relax, though the sensation of being under the spotlight was unmistakable. This was real. You were being filmed. There was no turning back now.

Taking a deep breath, your eyes locked on the producer. “I’m y/n l/n, and I’m a photographer and content creator for Scuderia Ferrari. I also do personal content creation on the side.”

The producer gave you a quick thumbs up, and gestured for you to keep going. “Great! Now, just tell us a little bit about your role in the paddock and what a typical weekend looks like for you.”

You thought for a moment before speaking. You walked the producer through your day to day life as best as you could, as no weekend was truly the same. Being a team player and focusing on getting the best shots rolled off your tongue. The more you talked, the more relaxed you got.

The producer seemed to notice, as her smile grew a bit bigger. “Sounds like you’ve got a good handle on it. So, you’re clearly around the drivers a lot. What’s your relationship like with them?”

You couldn’t help but glance at the camera, knowing it would probably capture the slight shift in your expression. Talking about the drivers was… complicated. Max especially. He was still fresh in your mind, after everything that’s happened over the course of the last season and a half. You could feel the familiar unease bubble up, but you kept your tone even.

“Well, I’m lucky enough to work with a few of them closely. Obviously, I spend a lot of time with Charles and Carlos. Charles especially out of the two - he’s always easy to talk to, a real pro, and I think we’ve got a good understanding of how to work together. I’m not in Carlos’ garage as much, but every time I’ve been with him or working with him, he’s been lovely. Both of the guys are real team players.”

The interview continued as you talked about the highs and lows of Formula 1. You rambled about the trials and tribulations of your job, but how they’re all worth it in the long run. The producer asked a little bit about your own personal content creation, and how you’ve been able to get an audience of girls interested and involved in motorsports.

The producer then glanced toward the camera crew, signaling that she was ready for the next phase of filming. “Alright, y/n, you’re doing great. We’re going to switch gears now and get a bit more personal. Is that alright?”

You nodded, though a flicker of uncertainty crossed your mind. Personal? What did she mean by that?

“Of course, what do you need?” you asked, trying to sound relaxed.

The producer tilted her head thoughtfully. “We’ve heard some rumors - nothing too crazy - but we’d love to get your thoughts on what it’s like to be close to the drivers, especially in such a high-stakes environment. How do you manage those relationships?”

A little caught off guard, you instinctively glanced toward the camera before responding, your voice a bit steadier than you felt inside. “I think it’s a balancing act. You want to remain professional, but at the same time, you’re still human. You get to know these guys, you become part of their routine. You seem them under pressure, stressed out, and sometimes you’re right there in the middle of it all.” You paused, letting your thoughts settle. “The pressure can definitely build up. But that’s why it’s important to have boundaries. They’re still my friends, but I’ve got to keep that line between being a colleague and a friend.”

The producer’s eyes glinted, clearly recognizing the deeper meaning in your words. “Sounds like there’s a lot of emotional juggling involved. Does any of it change when you factor in your relationship with Max?”

The question hung in the air like a weight, and you immediately felt your stomach tighten. The last thing you wanted to do was delve into anything personal about Max. It had been a complicated relationship - sometimes friendly, sometimes strained. Right now, you weren’t even sure if you had a relationship with the man. The last thing you wanted was to make it seem like there was anything more there than what everyone already saw on the surface.

You took a deep breath, hoping to keep your composure. “Max… well, Max is an interesting case. He’s always been intense. He’s been that way since grade school. Everything’s always full throttle, all the time - whether it’s racing or his personal life. That kind of energy, that drive, it’s both impressive and a little exhausting. But that’s Max. And I get it, I do. I respect it, even if it’s a bit much at times.”

Part of you knew you had to put on a facade while talking about Max. The world couldn’t know the shitshow that was truly hiding behind the scenes. But the other part of you didn’t need to fake it. Even though you wanted to kick Max into the next dimension, you still had such a respect for him.

The producer jotted down a few notes, clearly intrigued. A smirk then danced on her face as he looked up from her paper, and you knew you were in for something.

“Is it harder to separate the personal and professional sides of your relationship with Max, especially with the public watching?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the question. It felt like the room had just gotten a little bit smaller. The public always wanted something - something they could latch onto, something they could analyze - and Max and yourself were prime targets. The last thing you wanted was to give them any more ammunition.

“I mean there’s definitely noise from the outside - fans, media - everyone has an opinion. And sometimes it’s hard not to let that affect you. So I don’t think it’s harder to separate it with Max, but rather different. With him now being a three time World Champion and to know him so long, it always feels like the whole world is watching every interaction. But at the end of the day, he’s still a Formula 1 driver, and I’m still a photographer. Everyone here is just someone doing their job, and no matter how much the world watches, I have to only focus on what I can control.”

The smirk on the producer’s lips turned into a genuine smile, clearly satisfied with your response. However, her eyes flickered with something else - a sense of realization. She jotted down another note and nodded thoughtfully.

“Alright, I think that gives us a solid idea of where things stand. We’ll be capturing some more dynamics in the paddock, but I really appreciate your openness today, y/n. You handled the interview like a pro. We’ll catch up with you later today and tomorrow to film a bit of you in action.”

You exhaled slowly, glad the conversation had taken a turn away from the more personal aspects. As much as you valued your relationships with all of the drivers, it wasn’t something you were keen on oversharing, especially not in front of the cameras, and especially not about Max.

As you left the room, you felt a slight sense of relief washed over you. The interview was over. The questions had been answered. But something about that last exchange - about Max - lingered in the back of your mind. You weren’t sure if you managed to keep the mask in place completely, but you hoped the world would see it as nothing more than professional boundaries being drawn, not an ongoing emotional tug-of-war.

Doubts quickly swirled in your mind as you walked. Were the boundaries that you set good enough? Was it a mistake to even mention them? Why did everything always have to come back to Max?

There was only one person in the paddock that could soothe your uncertainties. Only one person who knew exactly what to say to make you feel at least a bit better. You made a quick detour past the Ferrari motorhome, your eyes scanning for a certain driver in blue. When you caught sight of him, you darted towards him.

“I’m not taking advantage of you, am I?”

Logan’s head whipped around when he heard your voice, confusion plastered on his face. He blinked, clearly taken aback by your sudden appearance and the directness of your question. For a moment, he stood frozen, his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of what you’d just said.

“Wait, what?” he finally asked, his voice tinged with a mix of surprise and concern. “What’re you talking about?”

You ran a hand through your hair, wanting to explain yourself without sounding like a total mess. “I just - look. I just finished that interview, and they asked me some stuff about Max, and now I’m spiraling a bit. It’s complicated… you know? The whole thing. And there’s this weird pressure, like I’m walking a fine line, and I’m not sure if I’m doing it right. So I-”

Logan placed a hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring smile that calmed you more than you’d like to admit. “You’re not making any sense, but I’m guessing you’re worried what people are going to think, and that Max is going to go ape shit on you again, right?” he said softly, his tone light, but understanding.

You exhaled deeply, “Yeah. I- they asked about Max and I wasn’t prepared for it, and it’s just hard to explain anything without it sounding more personal than it is. I don’t want to give the impression that there’s anything more between us, especially with him and Isabella being a thing or whatever.”

Logan’s expression softened. “Y/n. We both know how the media can twist things, especially with a guy like Max, but I can guarantee you’re not doing anything to give the idea that there’s more than just two people doing their jobs. You’re doing a better job at keeping everything with him private than most.” he said, his voice almost hinting at something.

“What are you talking about?” you asked, confusion now filtering in your tone

“You mean you didn’t see what she posted earlier?” Logan asked, slightly amused

“Logan, I was just in a dark room getting interrogated for forty minutes. I haven’t seen anything.” you reminded him.

He pulled out his phone, tapping on Instagram and finding Isabella's profile. A few months ago, he had mentioned she followed him almost immediately after meeting him in Bahrain. He eventually turned the screen toward you, where a photo of Isabella chatting with Sophie and Jos was posted on her story.

“No way” you finally got out, disbelief dripped in your words. “Catching up with the best!” you read off of the screen.

“Yep. She’s really not shy about it.” Logan replied

Your fingers rubbed against your forehead, trying to process everything that was going on. “I swear she never ceases to amaze me.”

“Right?” he agreed, glancing at his phone once again to check the time. “I’m so sorry but I need to get to the garage before qualifying starts”

You nodded, knowing damn well you should have been in yours about five minutes ago. “All good. I’ll see you around.”

“Oh we'll be texting each other the second the session is done” he chuckled, though you knew he wasn’t kidding “If you ever need to vent, let me know. You know where to find me.”

With one final hug, Logan turned back towards the paddock, making his way to Williams. You watched him go for a moment, feeling strangely grounded, before you continued on your way.

And Logan was right. When qualifying ended, his name was the first one to pop up on your phone.

Monte Carlo, Monaco

The triple header in the Americas could not have gone any worse for Charles. A P3 finish fell between a disqualification and failing to start, but it didn’t come without damage to the car. It was safe to say that Ferrari, along with a few of the other drivers, welcomed the short break before going to Las Vegas.

Thankfully, you hadn’t run into Max and Isabella during the time off. According to her social media, they had also flown back to Monaco for a bit, before they jetted off to Spain. That was fine by you, the further away, the lower the chance for you to see them.

Yourself, along with Logan, Oscar, Alex, Pierre, Alexandra and Kika were in Charles and Alexandra’s apartment. The eight of you often found yourselves there, with most of you living in Monaco already, and Logan and Oscar happy to make the short flight from the UK. Multiple bottles of various alcohols had already been cracked open, and the remnants of beer cans were scattered around.

Charles and Alexandra had made themselves comfortable on their couch, with Alexandra’s hand placed gently on her boyfriend’s thigh. Pierre and Kika were on the loveseat, with Kika playfully tossing her empty seltzer can at Pierre, the aluminum hitting him square in the face. Oscar and Alex were in the kitchen, trying to find another bottle of something to open.

Too many drinks later, you found yourself sitting on the floor, tucked against Logan. The arm that didn’t have a bottle of Corona attached to it was lazily draped over your shoulder while you were nursing the bottom of a seltzer can. You weren’t entirely sure how it happened, but at some point in the evening you had ended up close to him, his side pressed against yours as you both lounged on the floor in the middle of the action.

Logan’s fingers traced the fabric of your shirt as he tilted his head back, watching the others with a half-smile. For the first time in a long time, everything felt…easy. You could feel the weight of everything that had been building up in your mind, the endless questions about boundaries and relationships, the complexities of being so close to this world, and yet trying to stay on the sidelines. For the first time in a while, you weren’t worrying about any of it.

“Are you trying to hypnotize me with your fingers, or is that just how you relax?” you asked lightly, breaking the quiet tension.

Logan’s eyes flicked down to you, and for a split second, you could see the amusement in his gaze before he shrugged, a lazy smile pulling at his lips. “Maybe both” he teased, his thumb moving slightly to catch a stray lock of your hair that had fallen into your face. “Is it working?”

You rolled your eyes, but the soft blush creeping up your neck betrayed you. “I don’t know about hypnotizing, but it’s definitely… distracting” you muttered, trying to keep your voice steady.

Logan chuckled, the sound rich and warm, and leaned back slightly, pulling you closer without a second thought. His body was warm next to yours, his presence now inescapable as his arm tightened slightly around you. “I’ll take that as a compliment” he said, his tone teasing but with a hint of something else - something unspoken, something that lingered between you in the air, neither of you quite acknowledging it fully.

From across the room, you could hear Oscar and Alex laughing about something in the kitchen, their voices rising above the clinking of glass and the low chatter. Pierre and Kika were now in the middle of an exaggerated argument over who ate the last potato chip in the bag. Charles and Alexandra were in hushed conversation as their eyes glanced at the movie playing on the TV.

You knew Logan. Knew the easygoing confidence that he wore like a second skin. And still, there was something different about the way he was acting tonight Something that made you feel a little unsure. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the other way around. Perhaps it wasn’t him that had changed, but you, starting to notice the things you’d pushed aside for far too long.

Logan’s chuckle seemed to vibrate through you, warm and low, a sound you could feel more than hear. His voice broke the calm tension again, pulling you out of your thoughts. “You’re being quiet now. That’s not like you.”

You shifted a little, suddenly aware of the limited space between you, of how easy it was to let the moment carry on. “Just thinking” you muttered, trying to keep the conversation light, to keep things from tipping into something more serious.

“About what?” His voice was softer now, more curious than teasing. He didn’t let his arm move away from your shoulder, not yet, like it was the easiest thing in the world to have you close.

You hesitated. You could feel the question pushing down on you, the debate of how much of your inner world you were willing to share right now. Was it too soon? Or was it that Logan, of all people, made it easier to be honest than you’d ever let yourself be?

“It’s just…” you sighed, running a hand through your hair, feeling slightly embarrassed for not letting go of everything, like you usually would when it came to Max. But maybe that was the problem. You weren’t with Max right now. “I’m not sure anymore… where I stand with all of this. With… well, everything”

Logan paid close attention, his usual relaxed demeanor replaced with something more attuned, more patient. His gaze was softer than it had been before. “You mean with Max? And everything that’s been happening with him and Isabella?”

You nodded, your eyes fixed on the can in your hands, unwilling to meet his gaze just yet. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I’m caught in the middle of something I never asked to be a part of.” you admitted

Logan didn’t say anything at first, just watched you quietly, but you could see the gears turning behind his eyes. His thumb brushed against your skin again, the contact reassuring, grounding. “You’re not caught in the middle. You just care too much about things that aren’t yours to fix.” His tone was gentle, but there was something firm underneath it, like he was trying to make sure you understood. “You don’t have to be the one who sorts everything out. Sometimes things just… unfold on their own.”

You glanced up at him then, unsure of what you were expecting, but the steadiness of his gaze made you feel lighter somehow. Like maybe he had a point.

The sound of glass clanking and a chorus of yells brought you back to reality. You and Logan were the only ones left in the living room, as the other four joined Oscar and Alex in the kitchen.

“I feel like we should go check that out,” you said, standing up from the floor.

Logan agreed, and the two of you made your way into the kitchen. When you stepped inside, the scene in front of you was just as chaotic as you expected. Oscar was holding up a bottle of tequila triumphantly, while Alex and Pierre were in the midst of arguing about if the liquor was “actually drinkable”. Charles was going through his cabinets, trying to find something as Kika and Alexandra were to the side, laughing as they shook their heads.

You approached the counter, with Logan following suit. As you rested yourself against the cool granite, you felt the warmth of Logan’s body against your back and one of his hands resting on your waist. Kika and Alexandra exchanged glances before raising their eyebrows at you. In response, you shrugged, not wanting to draw any more attention to the driver that was glued to you.

However, the girls would not let it go. As Logan got wrapped up in the boy’s shenanigans, Kika and Alexandra pulled you into one of the guest rooms.

“What is going on?” Kika asked, a drunken giggle coming out of her mouth.

You blinked as the door clicked shut behind you, a momentary wave of confusion sweeping over you. The two girls were leaning against the wall, Kika trying to look serious, but her grin betraying her, while Alexandra simply raised an eyebrow in a knowing way.

“Honestly, I-” you started, but the words caught in your throat. You weren’t exactly sure what you should be saying. It wasn’t like anything happened with Logan - well not yet, anyway - but it felt like there was this subtle undercurrent between you that both Kika and Alexandra were so clearly picking up on.

“Don’t even try to play innocent” Kika giggled, her voice slurring just a little from the drinks she’d had, but her eyes were sharp. “We’ve been watching you two all night.”

You glanced at Alexandra, whose arms were crossed but a soft smirk tugged at her lips. “I don’t know what you mean.” you said, though you could feel your face heating up.

Alexandra wasn’t buying it “Uh-huh. You’re both acting like it’s just another casual hangout, but since when do you two sit that close?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but Kika cut you off with a playful wave of her hand “Don’t try to play the ‘I don’t know’ card. We’re not blind.” She paused, her eyes narrowing with a mischievous twinkle. “So… what’s the deal? Something’s happening isn’t it?”

Your stomach twisted slightly at the question. You could feel your heart thumping in your chest a little harder now. Of course, it wasn’t just the alcohol that had made everything feel easier tonight - it was Logan, too. But did that mean anything?

“Nothing’s happened.” you said carefully “We’ve just been hanging out. That’s it”

“Yeah right” Alexandra said, her smirk widening. “You know, you could tell us the truth. You two are practically glued together.”

“It’s just easy with him” you admitted quietly, the words slipping out before you could stop them. “There’s no…pressure, you know? It just feels like… like it should be this way.”

Kika tilted her head, her expression more thoughtful now, her drunk giggles gone for the moment. “So you are into him?”

You felt your face heat up again. It wasn’t exactly the word you’d use for it, but it seemed like the only way to answer. “I don’t know, honestly. But I guess there’s something about him that’s… different. Makes everything feel easy.” you ran a hand through your hair nervously. “But I’m just not sure where I stand with everything else right now.”

Alexandra stepped forward, her expression shifted to something more serious. “I get it. You’re trying to figure out if what you’re feeling is real, or if it’s just the situation.” She paused, her gaze soft but intense “You deserve to explore this with him, without holding back. You’ve been in that… other situation with Max for so long, but maybe it’s time to let someone else in.”

At the mention of his name, you froze. You were instantly transported back to Singapore, that night in the paddock. Seems like you have a type.

“Don’t you think I’m jumping into something too soon?” you mumbled, suddenly becoming well aware of your hands and the way they fidgeted.

Kika caught your eye, and her expression softened “No one’s saying you need to rush into anything, but it’s okay to let yourself breathe. You’ve been wrapped up in that for too long.” She said, the words shared an understanding. Like they were burdens you were trying to carry, but time to let go of.

Alexandra leaned in a little, her voice softer now. “Sometimes moments happen when you’re not trying to force them. Just let yourself see where it goes. With him.”

Barcelona, Spain

The cool Barcelona air hit Max as soon as he made his way out to the balcony of his hotel room. It was a welcome change from the stuffy, heated atmosphere inside, the weight of the day lifting as the wind brushed past his face. The city lights flickered beneath him, painting the streets below with the soft glow of late-night life.

Isabella had already gone to bed. She had been with him all evening, talking, her hand resting casually on his arm, full attention on him. She had been sweet, supportive, asking how his day went, listening attentively to his thoughts. But despite her presence, despite the affection she had shown, Max felt… disconnected. His interactions with her were starting to feel more like a routine more than anything real. Like he had fallen into a rhythm that wasn’t his own.

Max wasn’t a stranger to the demands of his relationship. He’d always known Isabella liked to be close, ever since she started popping up in the Red Bull garage, looking for him. But tonight, something about it felt stifling. The worst part was that he didn’t know why. She was everything he had once wanted in a partner - supportive, loyal, there when he needed her. And yet, he stood alone on the balcony in the middle of the night, all he felt was nothing.

Leaning against the railing, he exhaled a long breath, watching the way the lights of the city seemed to pulse and breathe along with him. But even as the quiet of the night settled in, there was a different kind of noise inside his head. It wasn’t just about Isabella, but about you. The way things had ended in Singapore - the words he had said, the way you had walked away.

He pulled his phone from his pocket. Max wasn’t sure what he was hoping for anymore, but his thumb tapped through his apps, aimlessly landing on Instagram.

His mind flashed back to Singapore again. The heat of the moment, the exchange of glances, the accusations that had been thrown with no proof. Then that moment when you walked away.

Max knew that wasn’t how he wanted things to end. Far from it. He wasn’t good with emotions, he never had been, especially when it came to you. But that wasn’t an excuse. He hadn’t been fair to you.

He scrolled through his feed absently, his thumb moving without purpose, until he saw a recent post. It was a photo of you - captured in a candid moment, a shot from Brazil. You were laughing with some of the Ferrari mechanics, and even from a distance, the warmth of your eyes was unmistakable.

It was stupid, he knew. But just seeing it made him ache. He hadn’t meant to go this far. He hadn’t planned on checking up on you. But the post was like a pull - a reminder of something he didn’t want to forget.

Max tapped the photo, noticing an account was tagged. y/nl/n.jpeg. He knew Lando and Daniel had accounts with similar names, so he tapped. A small part of him almost hoped he wouldn’t find anything. That somehow it would lead to a dead end. But instead, your profile opened in front of him, fun and captivating, just like you.

The profile picture was you standing on the track in Monaco, your camera in your hand, a confident smirk on your face. Max had seen that smile plenty of times before, felt its warmth, and he realized with a sharp pang in his chest that he missed it. He missed you - the way everything was so easy with you, how he didn’t need to hold anything back.

He scrolled through the feed, quickly realizing this wasn’t the same account as your personal one. Photos from races around the world, photos that you had taken, were posted. Your face was nowhere to be found, it was only how your lens viewed the world.

There were photos of sunsets over the racetracks, candid shots of teammates laughing in the paddock, and even pictures of fans in the stands, their faces alight with excitement. He couldn’t help but smile at how well you captured these moments. It was clear you were more than just a bystander; you were present in a way that only someone who truly understood the sport could be.

He tapped on a picture of a sunset from Austin - one of the most stunning shots Max had ever seen of the Texas sky turning orange and purple, Charles’ car streaking across the horizon. The image was perfectly composed, the light bleeding into the asphalt, and for a moment, Max felt like he was back there, in the heart of the weekend.

He scrolled through the carousel of photos that were attached. Most of them were of Ferrari, their crew and the cars. But as he scrolled to the last photo, he froze. It was of the RB-19, his RB-19, flying down the track.

Max’s heart skipped a beat as his eyes fixed on the photo. It was a perfectly timed shot. His car sliced through the corners of the track, the blurred backdrop of the stand giving the image a sense of motion and speed.

You had taken this photo.

Curiosity piqued as he swiped out of the carousel he was looking at, quickly tapping on another shortly after. He paid little attention to the first handful of photos, but at the end, was a photo of him on the podium in Belgium, drenched in sweat and champagne from the celebrations.

Max moved onto another carousel. This time, photos from Miami in 2022. Sure enough, at the very end, was a photo of him and Charles embracing each other after the on track battle.

With every post Max had looked at, there was always a photo of him mixed in somehow. Whether he was in the background, or the main subject, every single post involved him. It was as though you had seen the things he hadn’t let himself feel, capturing the rawness of the moments he had tucked away.

He managed to scroll all the way to the bottom of your profile, to the very first post you had ever made. They were all photos you had taken as a kid, most likely from the red point and shoot camera you had glued to you. And there, at the very end of the photos was a shot of a little boy Max had known too well. The same photo that had been resting in your photo album for years. The same photo of the little boy that now resided in Max’s wallet.

That little boy needed to get you back.

=============================

tagged: @mixedstyles

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redgoldsparks · 2 days ago

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October Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Pageboy by Elliot Page

This has been on my to-read list ever since it came out, and I finally picked it up. This book is an honest, sometimes painfully honest, accounting of Elliot Page's life up until his decision to come out as trans. He grew up in Canada, the child of divorced parents, with a hostile step-mother, an emotionally manipulative father, and overworked mother who initially did not accept his queerness. He started acting in elementary school and found it a freeing creative outlet, even when he hated the overly-girly clothing the roles often forced him into. Like many people who start in the film industry very young, he was taken advantage of sexually by adults who should have kept him safe. These experiences are written about less graphically than the blistering gender dysphoria and numbing disassociation that followed Elliot from his teens into his twenties. He threw himself into movie projects and love affairs, running away from a secret that nearly ate him alive. I'm so grateful that was eventually able to come out, because it really sounds like staying in the closet might have killed him. This book is not written chronologically; chapters center on themes, projects, or relationships. I understand that choice while also wishing that more of then teen chapters had been placed earlier in the book- sometimes the way the book kept slipping backwards in time felt a time bit repetitive. But it also felt honest to the experience of someone who kept backsliding in his ability to be honest with himself, until hitting the rock bottom of mental health, when there was no other choice but to be true.

Woe: A Housecat's Story of Despair by Lucy Knisley

Given the square format, I thought this was going to be a picture book but when it arrived from the library it was a full color 200 page collection of all the instagram comics author Lucy Knisley ever drew about her much loved fluffy orange cat, Linney. These comics are deeply relatable for any cat owner. I'd read pretty much all of them online before but I enjoyed seeing them all again in this collection.

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold read by Lloyd James

Cazaril was once the son of a noble family, entrusted with defending a strategically important castle during one of Chalion's many wars. Then the castle was sold to the enemy, and Caz was not ransomed, but instead forced to serve as a galley slave on an enemy ship. Finally free, he walked across two countries to reach a town where he worked in his youth, and enters the stronghold wearing clothes he took off a corpse. All he wants is a lowly position, maybe in the kitchen or the stables, where he can earn a bit of bread and sleep warm at night. Instead, he is given the position of tutor to the Royesse Iselle, half-sister of the current king of Chalion. He begins the work of teaching her multiple languages, history, geography, politics, and how to tell when a man is lying to her. All of these skills and more are needed when she and her brother, the heir to Chalion's thrown, are called to court. Cazaril is required to travel with them, even though he knows that the man who betrayed him serves there as the king's high chancellor. And worse yet, he discovers that the whole royal family is under a generations-long curse. This was my second read of this book, the first one being back in 2008 so I remembered almost nothing. It's a clever and well constructed fantasy, with the twists and turns I expect and love from a Lois McMaster Bujold novel. This time around, the age gap romance (between a 20 year old and a 35 year old) made me raise my eyebrows. It fits thematically into the story but also, why.

The Ribbon Skirt by Cameron Mukwa

This is a gentle queer comic for younger readers. Ten year old Anang decides they want to make a ribbon skirt to wear to an upcoming powwow. A ribbon skirt is a piece of celebratory clothing typically worn by Anishinaabe women, and Anang isn't entirely sure what their friends or community will think about them wearing one. But the spirit world encourages Anang. The lakes, the crows, turtles, waves, and trees participate in helping Anang gather all of the supplies they need, despite some light resistance from other characters in the story. Short and sweet, this is lovely introduction to two-spirit and nonbinary identities for a kid who hasn't heard of them yet, and an affirming story for a young person who already inhabits a gender-nonconforming space!

Tokyo These Days vol 2 by Taiyo Matsumoto

Shiozawa continues to attempt to build a collection of artists for a new manga magazine. He visits old friends, writers whose talent he's loved for years. Some of them have retired from the business. Some are busier than ever. Some love the direction their work has gone since Shiozawa last saw them; others believe their work has become soulless and commercial. I love how the authors are portrayed as unique, flawed humans with human histories. They have families, disabilities, insecurities, dreams. We meet Chosaku's ex-wife and daughter on a weekend visit. Hayashi continues to struggle with her main artist, Aoki, who struggles with insomnia and flees back to his hometown. Creating manga is depicted as half a calling, half an affliction.

Death At Morning House by Maureen Johnson, read by Katherine Littrell

This is more of a 3.5 or 3.75 but rounded up because it was queer and out of my extreme affection for Maureen Johnson's murder mysteries. This one introduces a new character, Marlowe, who gets into a spot of trouble with some accidental arson while on a date with the girl of her dreams, and then runs away to an absurd summer job on one of the thousand islands on the St Lawrence River. Marlowe joins a group of five other teens who already all know each other to serve as a tour guide for Morning House, the mansion of a rich doctor and eugenicist who summered with his seven children on the island in the 1920s- that is, until two of them died there. And the island has seen another death, more recently. Marlowe didn't show up to solve crimes, but if she wants to make it home at the end of the summer, she'll have to. Similar in tone to the Truly Devious series, this book was a very easy and fun listen. I wish the eugenics thread had either been cut, or better developed, but Marlowe is a delightful character to follow and if this book gets a sequel I will definitely listen to it.

If You’ll Have Me by Eunnie

This is an extremely sweet and delightfully illustrated sapphic romance, which only partly hinges on a misunderstanding as the main conflict. Momo is a shy college freshman, a rule follower, a hard worker who didn't date or party at all in high school. She runs into PG, seemingly mid-hookup with a friend of a friend who claimed to be too sick to come to class. After that first encounter, Momo seems to see PG everywhere, and each time with a different girl. Clearly, PG is a player and also in a completely different league than Momo. Except, when a cautious new friendship begins to develop between them, PG seems unfailing chivalrous and polite. Which is the real PG? And how much trouble will Momo get into if she lets her feelings become something more? I really enjoyed the bright color palette and confident line art.

Tokyo These Days vol 3 by Taiyo Matsumoto

I appreciated so deeply how this series represented artists wrestling with their creative practices. Some draw steadily for years, with a similar quality level of work. Others struggle with writers block, family tragedies, self esteem, rough deadlines, with falling out of love with their stories, or their editors, or the time commitment of being a full time author. This series also shows how a patient and support editor can absolutely made an artists career- or how the lack of one can destroy it. This is such a human slice-of-life story, and I liked its open but hopeful ending.

Gay the Pray Away written and read by Natalie Naudus

Seventeen year old Valerie wishes she could pick up any book at the library without fear, wishes she could pick her own clothes, wishes she was allowed to hang out unsupervised with friends, watch movies, or just spend time on the internet. But her family is part of a very extreme Christian community which home schools their children, limits the media they are allowed to access, controls their movement, wardrobes, and social lives. Valerie is expected to join family Bible studies daily, volunteer at the Church, and marry a boy in the community shortly after her eighteenth birthday. She isn't excited about any of this- in fact, she spends much of her time daydreaming or bored nearly to tears- but what else can she do? Then she finds a queer book with a fairly nondescript cover at the library. And a new girl- a girl with short hair, a girl who wears jeans- joins the Church. Valerie is captivated. The new girl represents a window into freedom and Valerie wants as much of that freedom as she can hold. I have some critiques about how this book ended, but I'm also very aware that I am not part of its target audience. Hopefully this book will find its way into the hands of teens who need it.

Gender Studies by Ajuan Mance

A slim but insightful collection of memoir comics on the intersecting identities of being Black, queer, gender nonconforming, and a nerd. These stories are thought provoking, funny, and delightful well drawn.

Clever Girl: Jurassic Park by Hannah McGregor

McGregor turns the film Jurassic Park over in their hands, like a piece of amber, to examine it from all sides and finds a story packed with possibilities of liberatory, queer, and feminist readings. From thoughts on the monstrous feminine, reproductive control, missing mothers, and found family, this text weaves together a rich tapestry of threads. I completely understand now why this film (which I half-watched once at a distracting party, but now want to revisit) has becomes such an enduring classic. The ending note advocates for the building of networks of mutual aid and care during and after apocalypse, something I need more and more desperately in this damaged world.

House of Women by Sophie Goldstein

Four women arrive on a jungle planet via spaceship with a mission to create a school and educate/ tame the indigenous species of beings there. Like most colonizers, they think they are doing something good by bringing the light of civilization into the supposed darkness of the wilderness. Like most colonizers, they completely fail to understand the people they have come in contact with the project ends in devastating violence. The art in this book is extremely elegant, with powerful black and white design and pattern work illustrating a believable alien world. If you've ever read The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell, this is story has some similarities in tone and theme but much shorter and more condensed, as necessitated by the comics format. It's not a hopeful or kind story, but I thought it was executed extremely well.

Hijab Butch Blues by Lamya H. read by Ashraf Shirazi

Lamya H weaves together memoir with stories from the Quran, introspection on prophets, myths, histories, and alternate readings, into a compelling whole. As a gender-nonconforming baby queer, Lamya struggled under the oppressive roles and limited options available to them in the Arab speaking country to which their parents moved for work in their childhood. But a lightning strike of realization in a Quran study class- that Maryam could also be read as a depressed lesbian- fed Lamya's imagination with new possibility. Lamya moved to the United States for college and grad school, navigating new friendships with other liberal Muslims and new prejudices against brown bodies, especially bodies wearing hijab. One compelling chapter outlines the nightmare of bureaucratic hoops that need to be jumped through to renew student and work visas; the author compares choosing to stay in the US to staying in an abusive relationship. But Lamya fell for New York City, and for the family, chosen, queer, and blood, that they collected over the years. I really appreciated this book for offering a perspective I'd never read before, and for its fierce insistence that one can absolutely be both Muslim and queer.

Vivian’s Ghost by Hal Schrieve

Holy shit, this comic. I fell head-first into this 350 page scratchy black and white comic and read it all in one wild evening. The story follows a set of very messy trans people, several literally haunted by a violent ghost from their pasts. Collin, Vivian, and Andrew orbited each other as awkward, horny trans teenagers, trying to define the edges of their own identities through sex, alcohol, long tumblr posts, and Rocky Horror shows, mostly without supportive parents. Vivian died at 17. At 26, Collin in a cam boy and weed delivery guy in NYC during the early days of the pandemic; Andrew has de-transitioned, married a man, is trying to get pregnant and has sold quotes to an anti-trans journalist writing opinion pieces about the dangers of minors transitioning. Multiple times while reading this I found myself thinking "a cis person could never have written this;" its so deeply steeped in trans longings, fears, desires, neuroses, rage, yearnings, and hope. It's not an easy or safe story; it doesn't have a fully happy ending. But I consumed it and it consumed me in return. If you are struggling to find this book available in print, it is possible to read the whole story on the author's instagram page.

Breathe: Journeys to Healthy Binding by Maia Kobabe and Sarah Peitzmeier read by Sarah Peitzmeier, Kieran Todd, Blair Baker, Alejandro Antonio Ruiz, Livvie Lin and Kiebpoli Calnek

I finally sat down to listen to the audiobook, which was narrated primarily by my co-author Sarah Peitzmeier along with her research partner Kieran Todd, and the wonderful cast of Blair Baker, Alejandro Antonio Ruiz, Livvie Lin and Kiebpoli Calnek. It was such a pleasure to hear these characters' voices come to life, and see how the workbook and stretching exercise pages were handled! Obviously I am very proud of the print edition which contains my illustrations; but I am so happy that the audiobook exists as well, for anyone who prefers audio (or likes to take in audio and print side by side).

Kochab by Sarah Webb

One day when out skiing, Sonya's scarf is stolen by a flying snow spirit. She chases it deep into the forest and breaks a ski after a reckless jump. Lost without supplies in the dead of winter, Sonya follows the faint trail of light and finds an impossible palace inhabited by one sleeping fire spirit, Kyra. Kyra's home was once bright, full of life and community. Now it is derelict and crumbling, under attack by the forces of ice. This is a slim story, fairy tale-like. I wanted a little more from the plot, given the book's length; but the pages are stunning. Everything from the character movement, background designs, color choices, to dynamic panel layouts impressed me. I know I'll be looking through this book again in the future when I need some visual inspiration.

Buckle Up by Lawrence Lindell

Lonnie's parents are recently divorced, and he's still getting used to splitting time between two different houses- one with his mom and older sister, one with his dad. He's still getting used to being picked up by alternating parents from school, and he's trying to hide these facts from his friends. This short, tender story uses the framing device of these car rides to show Lonnie facing some weighty conversations with his parents. The majority of the book takes place in the car and I really loved seeing how Lonnie learned to speak up for himself, to work through problems, and verbalize his emotions. Highly recommend for elementary school readers, especially ones experiencing big feelings.

How It All Ends by Emma Hunsinger

Tara was "accelerated" from seventh grade straight into high school at the advice of some of her teachers, but in the first few weeks of school she feels deeply unready. The school is so big, the schedule confusing, the hallways packed, and her end-of-day English class is full of some of the rowdiest, rudest boys she's ever met. Tara would much rather stay at home playing pretend with her baby brother or go back to middle school and take the eighth grade trip to Six Flags that she had to miss. Even with her older sister, already in tenth grade, willing to lend a hand by drawing her school maps, showing her the dating reality TV show everyone is talking about, and taking her to hangouts in the park, Tara is struggling. But there's this girl. A smart, funny, interesting girl, who partners up with Tara for English assignments and laughs at her jokes. Meeting this girl might just be the one thing that makes high school worth it. I had such a fun time with this comic- it's full of whimsical daydream sequences that really show Tara's internal world. I highly recommend this, especially to anyone who felt (or feels) unready to leave childhood and enter teenagerdom.

#books #comics #book reviews #reading #maia kobabe

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aebinspa · 8 hours ago

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beg for you

PAIRING: winter x y/n reader

SUMMARY: Winter is your trusted, yet hated, co-worker. You both work for the South Korean secret service and are known to be a match made in heaven when it comes to killing or making someone disappear. Your already precarious relationship changes when you are assigned to find, and mercilessly kill, Choi Ye-won, a North Korean spy who has settled in South Korean territory.

GENRES: angst, violence, suggestive, death, blood, bad ending!

WORD COUNT: 3k

AUTHOR'S NOTE: english is not my first language! as you can see graphic design is my passion (i tried please ignore). i don't know if i'm good at writing stories like this but i tried!! i'll make it up to you by writing next time something extremely sweet for minjeong :))

It was night. Not even a sound seemed to rise in that total silence. The only noise the human ear could have heard was your breathing and your colleague's combined. The one who broke the religious silence was your colleague who began to reload the magazine of her gun. “Winter, for the love of God, be quiet” whispering had never been easy for you and, with a colleague like that who drove you crazy every second, all you could train was patience, certainly not silence. “There is no one in this hole in the forest anyway. And what's a mission without a little action?” she replied sarcastically to you with a raised eyebrow.

You, Panther, and Winter, your colleague, had been tasked by the South Korean secret service agency to find, interrogate, and then eliminate without any mercy Choi Ye-Won, informant and daughter of one of the most important men, at a managerial level, of North Korea. The young woman had been in South Korea for a few years and could get a huge amount of information to the North, without ever being traced. For a week, however, the secret services had been breathing down her neck and seemed to have discovered one of her many secret hideouts.

“I've always said that. Kill and let kill, what’s wrong with that? We are the God who decides what is right and wrong” Winter snorted, whose code name described her perfectly. “You’re crazy. We should only kill when it’s strictly necessary. What’s so nice about knowing you’ve taken someone’s life?” even though you knew no one was around, you persisted in whispering. “That you stole his life and his last words. He will die seeing you and no one else"

You and Winter thought differently about everything – it was always a debate. Nothing ever coincided when it came to you. Life, death, and desire were concepts that took two totally different paths in your subjective vision.

“Let’s stop for today, this little princess of the North won’t be captured so easily” “Well, what are you going to do?” A spark lit up in the eyes of the young girl with whom you share this difficult job. Winter took the gun and threw it as far as she could; it ended up near the abandoned house that you were observing from behind the trees. You turned to her, speechless; Winter walked past you with a satisfied smirk and headed toward the house

“Are you dumb?” “Why?” “First you complain about my inability to understand how important it is to do everything by the rules and now, not caring, you are perched on a criminal’s bed.” You yawned loudly and invited her to sit next to you.

Winter, despite appearances, sometimes seemed to let down that insurmountable barrier. The eyes, almost always empty and dull, sometimes revealed an unusual light that would have made even the darkest place shine. It wasn’t the first time you found yourself staring at her: her blonde hair, now gathered in a high bun, and the heavy black makeup made her seem more attractive - and cold - than usual.

“Are you kidding, right?” “Can't stand me at all?” your cheeks reddened slightly. “It’s counterproductive to get attached to someone you work with, Panther. Learn some basic rules” “So if we didn’t work together, would you be able to get attached?” Holding Winter’s gaze was an impossible mission; the mission you were trying to execute was child's play in comparison. You turned away unable to continue looking at those two puddles.

An unexpected thud made you turn towards the door, both with loaded guns and two lives to protect. You both exchanged a knowing look, before hearing another thud and coming back to attention. Winter didn’t fail to make a sarcastic comment before thanking God for sending you to die or kill.

“Don’t shoot” The first thing they taught you when you were still spending your days training was to not trust anyone. Sure, you wouldn’t shoot until you were shot, but you couldn’t say the same about your partner. You turned to look at her and noticed that she didn’t have any killer instinct. “Don't shoot for any reason, Y/n”

It was the first time she called you by your name. In astonishment, the gun slipped from your hands which had turned to butter. The next second Winter was pointing the gun at you.

“What are you doing?” “I thought you would end up getting more upset when this time came. I was wrong, maybe you are more qualified than I expected” “Winter” your angry gaze for the first time was able to hold the icy one of your colleague. “Everything will be fine, just do what I say”

These were the last words you heard, then something in your mouth prevented you from rebelling, and finally, darkness.

In a hotel room with furniture of questionable taste and an air that smelled of rottenness, you opened your eyes after a few hours. Your hands and feet were tied together, your mouth was dry and your hunger was starting to eat you from the inside. The first sensation when you woke up you also hoped would be the last. You didn't know where you were, you weren't completely aware of the dangers around you, and above all you were without a gun. Even though the last drastic moments you had lived with your perhaps no longer colleague were flashing through your mind, you had a hard time rationalizing everything. Was the woman who had accompanied you for the last five years trying to send you to the other world? And then, who was the little girl who had joined Winter? In the whirlwind of emotions and resentment that was building up in you, the door of the room slowly opened, contributing to creating more agitation in your nervous system.

“Hey sweetie, didn't you get scared while you were waiting all here alone?” You wanted to scream, but you only then noticed that your mouth was covered with a dirty cloth that prevented you from making any sound. “I know, I know. Take it easy. First, let me introduce you to my assistant,” she came forward timidly, in front of the bed where you had been placed, the girl who had stunned you, “She’s Choi Ye-won. Or at least, it’s Choi Ye-won on the passport that brought her here.”

Your head hurts. It felt like someone had landed countless blows on your head - maybe that's what happened. All the words that came out of Winter’s mouth came to you distorted. You wanted to answer her, but everything you thought couldn’t take shape.

“Y/n” Just saying your name for the second time, you started to thrash furiously on the bed, so much so that you scared the little girl who hid behind Winter. “Calm down, let me at least get this stuff off your face…” the blond-haired girl approached with huge strides as if to make you understand that it wouldn't be a problem for her to handle you and your outbursts.

As soon as Winter pulled the fabric out of your mouth, you instinctively grabbed her right arm and bit it so hard it made her in agony.

You tried to take your first steps after the impetuous action you had done, but you immediately realized that your legs could not move. Immediately after, cold as death, a gun was pointed at your temple.

“Let's calm down so no one gets hurt, what do you say?” “I won't play your game much longer, Winter.” “You'll be the one to say the famous last words, Y/n.”

Winter was in front of you, sitting on a wicker chair that screamed to the world that it had been clandestinely manufactured. The little girl, now sitting on the bed where you had been, was looking at you with a grim look.

“Ask me what you want.” Winter had no intention of letting you breathe: every word was accompanied by a lethal look and a gun pointed at you. Her ways were familiar to you but feeling the effect on your skin was something else entirely. “Who are you?” Winter looked at the little girl on the bed and then rested it on you. “Are you already ready to die?” “Answer me so I can die without regrets.”

Winter stood up from the chair and came closer, then sat on your lap and put her arms around your neck. This time the gun went to place behind your head. “What’s going through your head is probably right, Y/n” “Stop calling me that. I’m still in a work context” A disturbing giggle left the blonde’s lips. “I always told you: perfection will kill you”

This time Winter ran a finger over your lower lip and then over your upper lip. He gingerly approached your lips, kissed you, and then bit you so hard it made you bleed. The drop of blood hit your neck until it reached the hollow of your breast. Winter looked you in the eyes before smiling and lowering her head slightly; she slowly licked the trickle of blood. She met your eyes once more and licked her lips before speaking.

“I’m Choi Ye-won” A simple answer was enough to send you into a state of confusion. All the certainties, everything you had shared in the last five years flashed before your eyes: when was the truth falsehood and falsehood truth? “Prove it to me” Winter snorted loudly. “That’s my younger sister, she was brought to South Korea a few months ago and now everyone is convinced that she’s Choi Ye-won. They thought they had found the right person,” another stupid, irritating laugh came out of her mouth “But the right person is me and I’ve always been here. Next to you, next to the secret services, and close – maybe too close for your tastes – to South Korea”

“Why?” “Explain yourself better, Y/n” “What does all this mean?” Winter dropped the gun and, with her free hands, began to stroke your hair. “Unfortunately in all of South Korea, the agents chosen to carry out this mission were the two of us. The prey and the hunter. You understand that one of us had to disappear, one way or another”

The cold coming in from the large window of the room had numbed your body. You were unable to move. “So you're going to kill me?” “I'm not going to let you live”

Still sitting on your lap, Winter moved the gun from behind your head to your heart with a coldness that seemed forced even for her. “I know very well that after telling you everything you won’t let me escape to my country with my sister. I can’t stay here anymore. Winter only exists on South Korean soil and in your heart” “Winter is you” “No, I am Yewon. You're Y/n. I don't need to know anything else to make my own decisions."

A staring contest as painful as yours had never been seen, and yet you should have been two of the most feared women in Korea. Cold hands, throbbing hearts, and blood were all that remained of you. This time it was you who approached the blonde to kiss her and, Winter, without being told twice, returned a kiss that was anything but sweet: blood and saliva mixed, your wound continued to bleed and Winter couldn't help but be violent even in a moment that should have meant something else entirely.

“When?” “When I’m ready” “And when will you be ready?” Winter stood up from your lap and immediately the cold air hit you mercilessly. “I have to save my sister. I’m sorry, in another life maybe it would have gone differently” “It’s not your fault. After all, you always told me that it’s counterproductive to make friends at work” Winter laughed loudly at the word “friends” and then left the room with her sister. They both wished you goodnight. That day you abandoned the idea of sleeping and kept your eyes open for fear that someone would kill you without giving you the chance to see her one last time.

The next morning Winter seemed intent on carrying out the final act. She was gripping the gun with all her strength and, as she paid the bill, her hand was shaking. The two sisters had planned to leave that day. They had taken a suitcase and filled it with any junk that might pass them off as respectable people. Watching them get ready so hastily confirmed to you that the two were desperate and couldn’t wait to leave and get protection. Are you willing to leave everything behind, Winter?

You walked side by side. Winter held the fully loaded gun behind your back. The two had revealed to you that a North Korean collaborator would come to pick them up and take them safe and sound, after a nice trip around the Sea of Japan, back to their homeland.

“How old is your sister?” you asked, bored by the situation you found yourself in. “Sixteen” “Um. It must be fun for you to put a minor in danger.” “I have never killed or let people get killed who had nothing to do with the shady dealings their guardians were involved in.” “Your work ethic is sometimes worse than mine.” “Um?” Winter turned to look at you, shocked to hear such a serene tone.

You stopped, noticing how the boat that was waiting for the two young girls was a wreck in all its parts. “I see that North Korea treats you well” “There is no reason to expect more than salvation”

In Winter’s eyes, you see a new form of anger, rejection, and renunciation. The blonde touched the trigger of the gun and pointed it at you. “Y/n, I know it may seem terrible as an ending, but at least I will be the one to kill you. Your companion, your beloved and, soon, the incarnation of death” “Uhm” “Your last words?”

Looking into Winter’s eyes was a great way to distract her, and the five years you had spent together had proven that. You smiled cheekily, not losing eye contact with the blonde. “Maybe you really do have a heart too”

A second later a scream broke the unhealthy atmosphere between you and your colleague. Winter quickly turned in fury towards the scream uttered by her sister, who now found herself in the arms of the man who was supposed to take them to North Korea. “Leave my sister, you fucking idiot!” Oh, how satisfying it was to see a cold and calculating woman lose all her composure in an instant.

The man had a gun pointed at his younger sister’s temple. “Winter” In response, the girl turned violently towards you, pointing the gun straight at your forehead. This time it was you who had an annoying smirk on your face.

“That man works for the Secret Service, he’s a colleague of ours. There’s an entire squadron nearby ready to intervene at the first gunshot” Winter was shaking. “I'm about to offer you an advantageous deal” “Speak, you ugly bitch” “Leave the gun” "Never"

Winter had perhaps forgotten that in martial arts you had been at the top of your class for years. With a quick gesture, you threw the blonde’s gun as far away as possible. Now it was you who had the gun pointed at the young North Korean girl's forehead. Winter started laughing. “When did you realize that?” “When we were in that shitty little house and you came out with sentences I’d never heard before. Killing is your life, saying you didn’t want to do it was a pretty strong warning signal, don’t you think?”

“What do you want, Y/n?” “Your life.” Winter didn’t look scared at all. “And what do I gain from it?” “Your sister will live. I will personally send her back to Korea and cover up any clues or traces that could lead her back to you.” “Was I her doom?” “You can be her salvation.”

Winter turned to her sister and told her to cover her eyes and ears. “I trust you, Y/n.” “Me too. I know I wouldn’t screw up. Work is work and…” “Death is death. Don’t make it long and kill me.”

You pulled the trigger. You looked into Winter’s eyes one last time. The blonde seemed to feel the same. She was shaking, but nothing could stop you from completing the mission. “Thank you for everything, Winter. We’ll complete the mission together this time too” “Spare me this bullshit”

A gust of wind ruffled both of their hair, Winter’s sister let out another scream and started to cry. Tears were streaming down her face.

“Winter, your last words?” The girl smiled like you’d never seen her do. She chained her black pools in your eyes and whispered the next words. “Y/n, I loved y-”

You didn’t let her finish. One blow and the girl’s body was lying helpless on the ground. The pool of blood that formed beneath her seemed to be a representation of the blood she had taken from everyone she had killed over the past few years. She had been a liar, a murderer, the top of her class, and also the love of your life. You turned and signaled to your colleague to leave in the boat, which silently went away along with the tears of a younger sister left alone.

In the months that followed, the secret service agency named you and Winter the best agents they had ever had. Your names were now both imprinted on the golden walls of the department waiting room. No one ever knew that Winter was Choi Ye-Won; everyone cried her name believing that she had been killed by the North Korean whose body and traces you had then eliminated. Winter's sister remained safe in North Korea.

In your memories Winter was never Choi Ye-Won, but always and only Winter. Like the cold earth that now enveloped her body. In the future you asked your colleagues, when your time came, to bury you next to your beloved, yet hated, colleague. Choi Ye-Won was born and died as Winter in your heart.

#aespa headcanons #aespa x reader #aespa #aespa minjeong #aespa winter #aespa winter x reader #winter x reader #aespa fic #wlw #wlw angst #angst with a sad ending #bad ending #kpop #kpop gg #kim minjeong #minjeong x reader #kpop angst #kpop fics #aespa scenarios

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puppethistoryhive · 1 day ago

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just a girl

benny week, day four: cheerleader

relationship: betty weir | benny weir/rory keaner, betty weir | benny weir & ethan morgan

rating: teen

word count: 939

summary: Dressing up as a cheerleader and being flirted with by Rory awakens some things in Benny. (transfem benny weir)

read on ao3 or below the cut

Benny wasn't sure what Jane had done to them, but he liked it. He almost felt bad though, because he could tell it was making Ethan somewhat dysphoric. However, Benny actually felt really good. He liked the feeling of the longer hair, and the makeup felt foreign but right somehow. He felt pretty. He must've been pretty too, considering the way Rory bounded up to him and started flirting with him. Benny wasn't gay- he knew he wasn't gay. So why did the way Rory looked at him give him butterflies? He needed to talk to Ethan- tomorrow though. It had been a long day.

It wasn't until they cracked the case that Benny was able to find time to talk to Ethan. By then he had realized he was in a lot deeper than he first anticipated. The additional days of flirting and makeup had really done him in. It also affirmed his feelings about everything that was swirling through his head. Him and Ethan were playing video games in his room when he finally worked up the courage to bring everything up to his best friend.

“Hey Ethan, can I talk to you about something?” Ethan paused the game, and turned his attention to Benny.

“Yeah, B, what's up?”

“You know how we had to pretend to be Betty and Veronica?”

“Yeah…?”

“I sort of… liked it? Like the whole dressing up.”

“Okay, just the dressing up part?”

“I’m not even sure, honestly.”

“That's fine! Do you think maybe you'd want to try out she/her pronouns?”

“Maybe?”

“You don't have to rush into anything! Does being called he/him make you dysphoric?”

“No, I don't think so?”

“That's fine! Is there anything else?”

“I didn't hate when Rory was flirting with me?”

“Wait- what?” Benny just shrugged in response, “ so, not only are you maybe a girl, but you might also be into Rory?”

“Basically,”

“Wow I never thought I'd see the day a girl was into Rory,” that made Benny laugh. It also made his- her heart flutter. Ethan called her a girl, and it felt amazing. They continued their night like usual after that, and that also felt good. It felt normal and right. Someone knew, and the world spun like usual.

Now she just had to figure out how to tell the others. Especially Rory. She wrote him that letter to hopefully stop him from talking about Betty anymore until she figured out what she wanted to do. It was cheesy, but wasn't exactly that far from the truth either. It took her a few more days, but she worked up the courage to leave another note in the vampires locker, this time just telling him to meet her in the gym hallway after school, so they could talk

Betty was sweating bullets as she paced the hallway back and forth. Her mind was swirling with thoughts. What if Rory is upset at her for lying? What if he won't see her as a girl? Will he even want to be her friend? Just when she was starting to think this was a bad idea, she heard the all too familiar voice.

“Benny? What are you doing here? I'm waiting for Betty, so I hope you don't plan on sticking around too long,” She cringed internally at that. She knew she had to get out what she wanted to say before she lost her courage.

“Rory, I'm Betty.” Rory's face morphed into confusion.

“Um no you're not? Betty is blonde. And a girl, duh,”

“No Ror, me and Ethan dressed up as Betty and Veronica to keep an eye on Erica, then to deal with the whole witch cheerleader stuff,”

“I'm so confused. So Betty isn't real?” His voice sounded so vulnerable, and Betty’s heart broke in guilt. She took one step closer to Rory, small and barely noticeable.

“Yes, and no? She wasn't at first. But I think Betty feels more real than Benny at this point. I don't know,” Rory's face was still one of confusion, and a faint glimpse of hurt, “but, I do know that I like you.”

“Wait- what?” Rory's face was still one of disbelief, but the hurt was replaced by hope.

“I didn't know how to tell you, but surprise?”

“You're Betty, but actually- and you like me?”

“Yeah?”

“This is awesome!” Betty felt physically relieved. Rory wasn't upset. She should've known he wouldn't be shitty about this, especially because he knows about Ethan. But it was good to be sure that she was worried for no reason.

“It is?” Rory just looked at her like she was crazy.

“Uh yeah? I mean it's still a little weird that you're actually Betty, but not in a bad way! Wait, does this mean I can take you out on a date?” Betty shouldn't have been surprised by his bluntness, but it made her flustered regardless

“Yeah, it does,” she smiled at him. He returned the soft look.

“We can have dinner at my place, so you can dress however you want without others around, if that's what you'd prefer,” he looked uncharacteristically shy. Betty took his hand. She was sure vampires couldn't blush, but she wasn't sure if something like that has ever stopped him.

“That sounds perfect, Ror.”

#mbav #my babysitters a vampire #benny weir #rory keaner #ethan morgan #my babysitter's a vampire #hivesys speaks #mbav fanfic #bettory #bennory #bennyweek #bennyweek2024 #bettory fanfic #bennory fanfic #mbav moodboard #moodboard #betty weir #betty weir edit #betty weir moodboard

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darling-heffron · 2 days ago

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Hello all, and welcome to the first chapter of Momento Mori!! I hope you are all excited for this new AU, I know Sol☀️ and I are very excited to be sharing this with you all. We will be posting chapters weekly and hopefully we will be able to keep on top of the workload ahaha. We will update you if this does change.

Also an overall disclaimer that this story will involve violence, gore, swearing, abuse, SA, death, non-con, family trauma, parental abuse, dead dove: do not eat, just a lot of bad things, please inform us if we have missed anything and we will add it. (We will not be adding this to every chapter, only if we think one needs some extra disclaimers, or if it going to be very bad, we will let you know. We will have a full disclaimer list on the masterlist when it gets posted.)

Also also, this work is purely fictional, based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters and no hate to the men who served in WW2.

Taglist: please let us know if you want to be added!

Chapter One: The Plan

“Do you hear me, soldier?” The Lieutenant bent forward as he screamed in Sam’s face, as if she couldn’t hear him.

She tried her best to not recoil from him as his salvia landed on her cheek. Sam wondered what her father would say this time, another infringement in just one week. Surely, he would have some choice words for her, when doesn’t he?

Sam couldn’t believe she spent her whole life trying to please that sorry excuse for a man. God, everything she had ever done had been for him.

The tall woman thought she was finally earning the praise she so desired when he suggested she join the army. All for it to be about him and not her. God, how could she have been so foolish, constantly trying to please that man.

Well now she had woken up, and Sam was angry. The blonde woman would not beg anymore, she was better than that. She would not let him treat her like she was gum on the bottom of his shoe.

“Don’t make me repeat myself!” Lieutenant Jones boomed.

“Yes, sir.” Sam yelled back, looking past the man.

“The General will be hearing about this, Jackson.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“Get your pack and get your ass moving, Jackson. I don’t want to see you back here until you are throwing up all over your boots!” Sam bit her tongue to keep from spitting back a retort, things were going to plan so far, she didn’t need her temper getting the best of her now.

“Yes, sir!” Sam yelled, turning to grab her gear, hauling the heavy pack onto her back and slinging the gun over her shoulder.

The girl moved quickly out of the barracks into the open expanse of ground that the base covered. She ran down the road into the open field, heading towards the woods at the furthest end of the territory. She couldn’t help the smirk that pulled to her lips.

Everything was falling perfectly into place.

Sam’s punishment had purpose, she had intentionally been sloppy all day; her bed wasn’t made, her uniform incorrect, she spoke back brazenly to her superiors, it all had snowballed to this moment.

The blonde needed the punishment to be bad enough to get a full pack run, but it was harder than she thought. Sam had tried earlier in the week, but falling from the top of the class to the bottom was hard. She had made a name for herself for being the best of the best and so the officers turned a blind eye to her misdoings, thinking she was just having an off day.

But when she kept up the behaviour for the second week, the officers started to notice. Sam noted that was the first time she had ever been yelled at like that by an officer.

It wasn’t her first time being scolded, Sam’s father didn’t join the military for nothing. She had only ever known him as a cold strict man, she had never seen him smile once, not for her anyway.

Sam didn’t see her father often though, Robert was a busy man and didn’t make time for his daughter.

Isolated from a young age, Sam often was alone. Her own mother didn’t even make time for her, all Sam was to them was an accessory. She could count the times on one hand the amount of instances they were all together as a family.

After her mother and father divorced, most families would fight over taking custody of their child, for Sam, she was forgotten about entirely.

Samantha’s legs moved faster carrying her towards the back fence, she checked her watch 1300hrs on the dot. She made it to the fence, slinging her pack off her back and sliding it through the cut hole at the bottom, she pushed it through to the other slide, following after it on her belly.

She got to her feet brushing the dust from her clothes and bag before putting it on her back again. The girl needed to move away from the compound before she was spotted by one of the patrolling guards.

If she had timed it right no one would realise she had disappeared, the next guard wasn’t due until 1330 and her Lieutenant wouldn’t be expecting her back for another hour.

Woods surrounded the base, the dense brush hiding the whole facility. Sam slipped further into the bush, making her way towards the only main road close to the base.

Before emerging from the bushes she redressed into more casual clothes, she didn’t need her whole attire to scream, ‘Hey look over here, I’ve just deserted and I’m running away!’

Sam stood on the side of the road, scanning up and down for one lone car.

“Jesus Christ, what’s taking him so long?” Sam muttered to herself checking her watch for the millionth time. He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, if he wasn’t here soon she would have to move to plan B, and plan B was not her favourite.

Sam sighed, her foot tapping impatiently on the tarmac. Screeching tires pulled her gaze down the street again.

“Finally!” She said exasperatedly.

The girl watched the car zig-zag down the road. The man who was coming to pick up some army goods she had stolen for him was now careening down the street towards her.

Why she used Craigslist she didn’t know but she was desperate for money and he seemed to be the only buyer interested in her items she had put up for sale, and he was offering her top dollar for it.

Sam needed enough money to get her out of state and at least a few meals, then she was going to change her name and start a new life, one where she wasn’t tied to her horrible family or past.

But now this guy was swerving all over the road, Sam watched the car speed from one side to the other. Everytime the car looked like it was just about to fly off the side of the street it swerved back onto the other side again.

“Fucking hell, what is this crazy motherfucker doing?” Sam shook her head. The car never slowed as it came closer to her, in fact it seemed as if it was speeding up the nearer it got.

“Hey, slow down!” She called, not thinking it would actually do anything, he couldn’t hear her yells from outside the vehicle. The car was heading towards her now, full speed, not looking like it was about to stop.

“Fuck!” Sam screamed, leaping out of the path of the oncoming vehicle.

She watched the events play in slow motion, the car screeched past her ploughing through the exact spot she stood only moments before. Sam crashed to the ground, her eyes never leaving the car as it sped past her.

The blonde lay on the grass panting as the car smashed into the line of trees that bordered the road. Sam winced watching the collision, the whole front of the car imploded on impact with the trunks, the car halved in size. The whole front bonnet was now in the driver's seat.

“Oh my fucking god!” Sam got to her feet running over to the smoking vehicle. She rounded the car to the front, the driver’s top half was sprawled across the bonnet, unmoving.

The man clearly wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, his whole body impaled with glass, the pool of blood quickly spreading around him.

Sam hesitated, she didn’t know what made her pause, her hand outstretched ready to check the responsiveness of the driver. But she didn’t want to touch him for some reason, he seemed off, everything about this situation seemed odd.

She slung the gun from her shoulder, extending it forward, Sam gently nudged the man with the barrel of her weapon. The man didn’t move or react, so she tried again but harder.

“Hey! Dude!” Sam called to him, trying to rouse him from his unconscious state. The man’s shoulders rose and fell, was he breathing? Sam couldn’t tell. She stepped closer again, eyes trained on the driver.

“Sir?” She uttered under her breath.

The man’s head shot up, his bloodshot eyes staring into hers. Sam stumbled backwards, the sudden movement from the person made her heart drop. A strangled groan or gasp left the man’s lips, it didn’t sound human, almost animal-like.

Feral.

Sam out of instinct raised her gun again, but it wasn’t loaded, all of the ammo she had was neatly tucked away in her pack.

The driver’s eye never left hers, but he began to move. Surely all of his limbs were broken or injured, but the man wrangled his arms back to his sides. His movements were sharp and jerky, Sam had never seen someone move like that before. A loud crack nearly made her gag as she watched the man move his backwards leg back into place.

“What the actual fuck!” She whispered under her breath. She took small steps back from the car, trying not to alert the man of her current escape.

Ragged breathing from the driver grew louder, she watched in horror as he lifted himself off the bonnet, a long piece of glass from the windshield halted his movement forward. Sam’s eye bulged as the man pushed himself up, removing himself from the glass that was slicing into his flesh, fresh blood pooled underneath him. Questions flooded through Sam’s head but a louder voice spoke over them.

‘RUN!’ Her mind screamed at her to move, but she stayed planted in place, watching the driver.

In that same moment the man had gotten himself free, by the time Sam looked up again at him, he was standing in front of the wreckage. He jolted forward in a gurgling roar, Sam didn’t look back as she sprinted her way through the trees.

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears and ragged breaths spilled from her lips. She ran as fast as she could from him. He pursued her quickly and she could hear his rabid noises following her through the trees.

Sam darted and weaved through the branches, hoping that the uneven terrain would slow down her pursuer. The wire fence came into view, if she crawled back she could hold him off and get some assistance, it was nearly time for patrol so there would be someone in the field that she could call over.

Sam threw her pack off her shoulder, pushing it through the cut in the fence as she had only done moments before. The footfalls of the rabid man grew closer, his snarls and screaming sending shivers up her spine. Sam used her boot to shove her bag under the fence, but it was stuck. Her now entrance to safety was blocked by the bulky army bag. Her urgency rose even further as the man was so close she could see him charging through the trees in the distance. Sam kicked harder, using both of her feet, looking over her shoulder constantly to find the man coming closer and closer with each passing second.

“Fucking hell!” Sam cried, willing the bag to just move at her effort, “Please!” She begged, putting her full strength into her legs.

The rabid man now almost to the fence as well, growled loudly making his presence known. The bag came free moving from the hole, Sam moved quickly sliding under the wire as well, not wanting to look back at how close he had come to catching her.

The girl got to her feet moving back from the fence as the man charged at full speed, never slowing. The driver launched himself at Sam, arms stretched wide, jaw hanging agape. She had never seen anything like it, no person has ever acted this way.

The rabid man didn’t get very far in his attack, the chain link stopping him in his path, he ricocheted backwards landing in a heap on the ground. But much to Sam’s surprise he was back on his feet in no time, clawing and yanking at the barrier between them.

“Hey, you!” A loud voice called from behind her, pulling her eyes from the crazy driver that gurgled and groaned. A guard walked towards her, his hand on his hip, ready to draw at any second. She raised her hands to show she meant no harm.

“Sir, I can explain.” She replied breathlessly, but the guard's attention was drawn away from her as the driver roared loudly.

They both turned to see the man had found his way under the fence, he clawed at the ground ferociously.

Sam cringed, she could see from here the man’s fingernails ripping away from his flesh.

Before she could even warn the guard, the driver had wiggled his way in. The driver leapt like he did before when he was coming after Sam, but this time there was nothing stopping his attack, the guard didn’t even have time to draw his weapon.

The rabid man’s body crashed into the guards tackling them to the ground. Sam stepped back towards the fence. The driver baring his teeth, teared into the guard’s neck, blood spurting from the carotid artery that he had found so easily.

The guard wailed in pain, trying to get the man off him. More voices sounded from across the field; the man's screams of pain had alerted the other guards.

Sam watched, her back pressed against the fence, as the driver lifted his head. The man stood focussing on the guards approaching, standing over the man who clutched at his neck choking breaths leaving his mouth.

The driver once more sprinted towards the guards who came closer, but Sam didn’t need to see the rest, she had to get out of there. Once again she slid under the chain link fence, tugging her bag through with her.

Sam ran quickly back to the road, her gun bouncing over her shoulder. She examined the car but it was completely totaled, she wouldn’t be able to drive it anywhere. The girl didn’t waste any time, she swung open the back doors, noting nothing of use.

“Guess its plan fucking B then.”

Authors note:

What did we all think of the first chapter?! Please let us know in the comments. Also stay tuned as the next chapter will be out shortly, if you would like to be notified when we post please let us know and we can add you to the tag list!! Did we scare you? Are you creeped out? Do you like Sam? hehehheehe

Love Esra ✨

#band of brothers #hbo war #easy company #hbowar #david webster #joe liebgott #joseph liebgott #lewis nixon #band of brothers #eugene roe #Samantha Jackson #BoB AU #Sol and Esra's AU #my oc #zombie AU #zombie apocalypse #zombie apocolypse au #do we like?#is it so fun so fresh?

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redladydeath · 2 days ago

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Wrote a little story for this AU from Sarah's POV. Was going to include illustrations for each section, but between the leaks and realizing that I wrote so much text that I'll need to change my approach, I decided to just post it now. Might still do the drawings eventually once the leaks calm down.

"One day when Sarah’s dad was at work there was an accident on his TV show where his microphone shocked him and he died. It was really sad. Everyone at the funeral said that he was in Heaven now but I still cried anyway."

"A year after daddy died we were on vacation at the beach when there was a big storm and there was flooding everywhere. I got stuck in the flood water when mommy was trying to get us out of there. Tommy tried to help me but the water was too strong. We got stuck underwater and drowned!"

"After we died we woke up in this weird city with monsters everywhere. We were in Hell! I don’t know why we went to Hell because I don’t think we did anything bad but we were stuck there anyway. Me and Tommy had to live on the street for a while like hobos. We even had to eat out of the garbage! It was sooooo gross and scary. But then we got lucky! We found daddy!!! Even though he has a TV for a head now and me and Tommy are fish we all sound the same so we were able to recognize each other when we talked. When he realized it was us daddy took us back to his apartment and started taking care of us."

"For a few years we lived in the apartment. It was really boring most of the time because our dad was at work all day and we couldn’t go outside without him because Hell’s full of crazy people. Tommy and me would play games and read and listen to the radio until daddy came home from work and then we would have dinner and he would play things on his screen face and then we would all go to bed at the same time because we only had one bed. Even though daddy still worked a lot he spent a lot more time with us than he did when we were alive. He kept us safe during exterminations and took care of us like mommy used to. Tommy used to think our dad was mean because him and mommy would fight a lot but after he started taking care of us he changed his mind."

"One day daddy quit his job and started a TV store. He built a TV out junk all by himself and people gave him money to make more! Right after we moved into a new apartment over the store daddy made a new friend. His name was Mr. Alastor. He was a radio announcer from the old days and he’s super powerful. He thought daddy was interesting and started showing him how to get more powerful in Hell. Mr. Alastor was really nice even though he seemed scary at first. He let me sing on his radio show one time! But one day him and daddy got into a big fight about something and now they fight all the time. Sometimes I miss when they were friends."

"After he and Mr. Alastor stopped being friends daddy got more powerful. He made a whole bunch of money and even became an overlord! We got a whole bunch of fancy stuff again and me and Tommy had to start using fake names like everyone else because everyone was paying attention to our family now. I picked the name Ondine and Tommy picked Fineas. Things were fun for a while and then daddy made a new friend called Valentino who makes movies. Valentino’s nice to us but mean to everyone else even daddy sometimes. He’s also really really tall and sometimes wears girl clothes."

"Daddy and Valentino became business partners and also boyfriends sometimes. They built a biiiiiig tower that’s called V Tower because their names both start with V. We all moved into the tower and now we live together. Daddy made his TV shows and electronics on half the floors and Valentino made his movies and other stuff on the other half. Fin and me live in our own little space in daddy’s area where we play and do school. Daddy comes and visits us most days and we go see him sometimes when he’s working. He doesn’t spend as much time with us anymore because he’s so busy but we always have fun when he does come. Sometimes he teaches me how to make people do things with my voice which is fun!"

"A couple years ago daddy got a new business partner. Her name is Velvette and she’s sooooo cool. She’s from England and does fashion and computer stuff. Valentino’s still here too so now the three of them are a team called the Vees! They make almost all of Hell’s media stuff and are gonna be the most powerful overlords ever one day! Daddy and Mr. Alastor still get in fights and also he has to keep Valentino and sometimes Velvette from doing dumb things sometimes but most of the time everything is good!"

"And that’s my story! Even though we’re in Hell I think things are a lot more fun than they were on Earth. Me and Fin get to do whatever we want and daddy loves us and pays attention to us now so I’m happy. Mommy’s off in Heaven so it’s just the three of us (and Valentino and Velvette and also Vark) forever! I love my family and I hope you loved this book!"

"The end"

Gonna pull a Proto Vox post and put all my "Vox's kids die as children and reunite with him in Hell" stuff here so the reblog chain doesn't get too long. All the prompts included are from @storm-ismyusername.

Okay, so, the "Vox's kids die as children AU." I came up with the image of Vox keeping his kids in a fish tank first, but upon further reflection, I've realized that it doesn't really line up with the timeline I've established.

Vox's children were 7 and 10 when he died (1957)

Vox worked under an overlord for 3 years after his death until he broke free, started his own business, and met Alastor (1960)

He and Alastor were friends for 6 years until they fell out (1966)

Vox gained official overlord status 2 years later (1968). By the time Vox had the resources for the fish tank plan, his kids would've been 18 and 21.

The only window of time where Thomas and Sarah can die and still be children is 1957-1961, so it would have to happen when Vox was still in the employ of his overlord. I actually think the idea of struggling single dad Vox is really charming, so let's go with that.

With that background, I'm not sure if Vox would feel the need to do the fish tank thing since they went a decade without anything going wrong. Maybe it exists, but Sarah and Thomas aren't confined to it 24/7. Everyone already knows they exist, so they're allowed to move around the tower as they please (they are absolutely not allowed to go outside, though).

Ondine & Fineas where they die as kids: How does child Sarah and Thomas react to: 1-Dying 2-Going to Hell 3-Reuniting with your dead Dad (who now has a TV for a head) Would any of their Sinner features be different? Is it weird I can see Vox being more fatherly to Sarah and Thomas than he was in his human life? So when Sarah & Thomas die as kids does Vox find them before or after his big fight with Alastor? If before, what would Alastor make of the situation? How long does Sarah and Thomas fend for themselves in Hell? A few days, a few weeks, a month, a year? Did someone find the first? Did Vox only learn his kids were in Hell when someone was using them as blackmail against him? Did Sarah and Thomas watch as their father brutally murder their kidnapper in front of them? Maybe another Overlord (like Carmilla, Zestial, or Rosie) found them and gave them to Vox because they felt threatening children was beneath them and drew the line at hurting kids. Wait what if Alastor found them first? What would he do with them if he did?

Okay, so Sarah and Thomas die somewhere between 1958 and 1959. They still drowned, maintaining their aquatic theming, but I'm not sure how exactly– could've been from their mother driving under the influence and crashing the car through a bridge's guardrails, could've been just regular drowning at the beach or something. Their mother survives, so they land in Hell alone (I have no idea what an 8~9 and 11~12-year-old could've done to get sent to Hell, but let's just move on).

Not sure how Vox finds them. In the main AU, they found him by recognizing his voice in an advertisement and seeking him out, but at this point, Vox is just some random nobody. Let's just assume he got extremely lucky and happened to come across them 1-30 days after they first arrived, but before anyone else thought to scoop them up. Vox is horrified that they're dead and in Hell and privately swears to permakill his wife for letting this happen if he ever sees her again. He brings them back to his shitty little apartment and starts trying to figure out how the fuck he's supposed to take care of children in Hell.

Despite the circumstances, Vox is actually a better father in Hell than he was on Earth. He has nothing to his name other than a shitty errand boy job, a tiny apartment, and his two small children who he thought he'd never see again. While the stress of having to provide for them is a beast, losing everything sort of forced him to get his priorities in order regarding them. They become far more tight-knit than when they were alive as Vox is forced to spend more time with them and get creative when it comes to meeting their needs.

It's all quite the adjustment for Thomas and Sarah. Dying and trying to survive on the streets was as traumatizing as you'd expect. Reuniting with your dead dad and having to adjust to living in poverty is also a lot to take in. Every day, they're stuck in a one-room apartment with gunshots constantly going off outside and explicit instructions from their father to be as quiet as possible and not open the door for anyone– very different from the upper-middle-class suburbanite lifestyle they were used to. Eventually, their dad will come home with cheap food, they'll spend some time together, and then all curl up in their shared bed and try to sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's not a comfortable life, but it's definitely more intimate than how things used to be. Thomas starts letting go of some of his resentment of Vox since he can tell he's actually trying now, and Sarah's view of him as A Good Dad, Actually solidifies.

Eventually, Vox secretly kills his overlord, starts his first business, and is taken under Alastor's wing. Things become more comfortable for the three of them, with Alastor being something akin to a weird but fun uncle to the kids. Things are looking up for the family as Vox starts to build power and wealth. It's horrifying for the kids when Vox comes home one night without a head and swears vengeance on Alastor, but that incident only adds to Vox's upward momentum. After ten years of struggling in Hell, Thomas and Sarah (or rather, Fineas and Ondine) find themselves back in the lap of luxury as their father claims his title as the Overlord of Television.

—

Lowkey enamored with the idea of struggling single dad Vox. Have some miscellaneous ideas:

Vox doesn't have a functional mouth yet, so the kids are the only ones who have to eat. He tries to figure out if he can use his electricity to cook/heat up food.

He's at work all day, so Thomas and Sarah are stuck alone in the apartment with very little to do. Thomas teaches Sarah to read up to a 6th-grade level. They might have a radio to keep them entertained. Whenever Alastor's doing his "screams of dying overlords" broadcasts, they're supposed to shut it off.

Vox has to rediscover some long-forgotten sewing knowledge since the kids need clothes that aren't falling apart.

When he's around, he'll play things on his screen for them as a form of entertainment. It's sort of like making up a story on the spot since Hell doesn't have any television broadcasts for him to tap into yet.

It's always a treat when they're able to go out as a family, usually for dinner. Vox feels bad that he can't provide them with anything nicer than fast food, but the kids are just thrilled to be out of the apartment, eating something "good," and spending time with him.

Due to cabin fever, the kids are much more rambunctious than they were when they were alive.

Vox is trying to decide whether he should let them acclimatize to Hell or continue treating them like human children.

Once Alastor enters their life, Sarah adores him (that is, after she gets over his initial creepiness).

Sometimes the kids will ask Vox why he pours all his time and money into building a television from scratch (and why it has to take up so much of their precious floor space). He tells them florid stories about how, once it's finished, it'll make them the richest sinners in Hell. Thomas helps him with it sometimes.

The kids' chosen sinner names change every other day.

Vox has a whole system worked out to make sure the kids have the building's communal bathroom all to themselves in the mornings (i.e., just play lookout and hypnotize anyone who tries to enter into walking away).

Tom and Sarah have devised some sort of cockroach/bug-killing game during their days stuck in the apartment.

Vox struggles to come to terms with the fact that his children are never going to grow up. They're going to be 11/12 and 8/9 forever, the same way he'll eternally be just a week away from his 38th birthday.

He's pissed at God/Lucifer/whoever for letting this happen. What could children possibly have done to deserve Hell?

Exterminations are difficult. Vox used to be able to just hide in the electrical grid and wait it out, but now he's got two small children who can't dematerialize like he can.

Sarah has nightmares about losing her dad again, for good this time. The trauma of losing a parent isn't undone by getting said parent back.

Both kids actually feel like they know their father now. He's no longer this distant figure in their lives who only emerges to give them expensive gifts, show them off at parties, tell Tommy he's not doing [whatever] right, and get in screaming matches with their mom. Vox isn't a great dad, but at least he's trying now, and that goes a long way in Thomas and Sarah's eyes.

—

Made Vox's apartment in the Sims

—

Nice touch that the toys are made of paper, something Sarah & Thomas probably made themselves (with a little help from Vox) since I can't imagine there's a huge (children's) toy industry in Hell. A bat on the wall in case of break ins. Various stains. AC. The TV Vox is working on. The bed looks bigger than I imagined, but I guess Sims did have too many options. A bucket of toiletries in the corner to take with them on their trips to the communal restroom. A box full of (all of their) clothes. Two pairs of shoes (presumably Sarah & Thomas'). Oh it looks like Vox managed to find a stuffed rabbit plus for Sarah! Where did he find that? Did he make it himself? An ironing board (makes sense). A small closet with a mirror. A calendar. And a power box (considering Vox's abilities it makes sense to have one near)!

They either got the bunny from a store catering to Hellborn children or made it themselves (Vox is rapidly relearning how to sew, and Sarah has a bit of sewing knowledge from her home ec classes). Vox's income usually goes towards only two things– keeping the three of them alive and building the TV– but occasionally, the shame of barely being able to provide his kids with anything gets the better of him and he'll "splurge" on small gifts. Sarah was delighted with it; she'll take any comfort she can get in this place.

Regarding the bed, yeah, the Sims only has double, single, and toddler beds. It would need to be a decent size in order to fit all of them though. Sarah and Tom are child-sized, but Vox is seven feet tall and has a CRT for a head. If he didn't already have one, he would've needed to get his hands on a bigger bed unless he wanted to sleep on the floor.

It's funny, the Sims only has two options for calendars: a dog one that's a bit too cutesy to really fit the vibes of this place, and a "Sims in uniform" one. Before the kids showed up, Vox's calendar having a bunch of succubi in sexy costumes wasn't an issue, but now that they are here, that thing's going in the trash... until Vox realizes how hard it is to find non-risque calendars in Hell.

—

I can totally see Sarah (& maybe Thomas) calling Alastor “Uncle Alastor”. Would they call Rosie “Auntie Rosie”?

Vox has them call him "Mister Alastor." Regardless of how emotionally invested Vox is in their relationship, he's very afraid of coming across as overly attached and scaring Al off. Having his kids refer to Alastor as family feels wrong, so having them keep things respectful, yet formal seems like the better option. Rosie would definitely tell them to call her "Auntie" if she ever met them, though.

I wonder what nice things Alastor would do for the kids? Do you think they sometimes appear on Alastor’s radio show? Oh now I’m picturing Alastor and Sarah singing “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile”! Soooo Cute!!! Maybe that’s how they find out about Sarah’s Siren abilities?

Depends on if Alastor does shows that aren't just live audio of overlords being murdered. If he does, then I can see Vox offering to lend him a hand with it and Alastor, in return, telling him he can bring his kids along. From there, yeah, it'd be absolutely adorable if Alastor put Sarah on a stool to reach the mic and sang a song with her ("Never Fully Dressed" wasn't written until 1976 but shhhh).

Would Vox ever give the details of his and Alastor’s falling out? (Though I think Sarah & Thomas would eventually connect the dots.) It would be funny if Alastor was still super nice to the kids even though he and Vox are rivals.

No, I don't think Vox would ever elaborate. Explaining it to the kids would require him to reflect on why it went wrong to begin with, so he just... never does. Alastor remains respectful and friendly if he ever runs into the kids again, but those occasions would be few and VERY far between, given how possessive/protective Vox is of them.

Vox being a good dad to his kids is so sweet!! Nothing brings people together like shared misery!! I can see a cute bonding moment where Vox teaches Sarah how to tap dance (since his leg is fine now).

Oh, no, Vox is never teaching either of his kids how to dance. Singing, piano, stage presence, maybe, but never tap dance.

—

Ondine & Fineas where they die as kids: How does child Sarah and Thomas react to: 4-Your Dad scooping you up and locking you into a fish tank for decades. 5-Valentino

It's... weird when Valentino enters Vox's life. They hit it off immediately, and as time goes on, Vox wants to incorporate Val into more aspects of his life. The kids throw a spanner in the works, though. Messing with children is the one line Valentino won't cross, but he's still not exactly the type of person you want around your kids. Vox can only listen to his better angels for so long, though. The two of them make a deal where Val agrees never to do anything to harm Vox's kids in exchange for [something], and Vox introduces them (he's lowkey planning on moving in with Val eventually, so they might as well get it out of the way instead of springing it on them).

Val's charming and fun when he first meets Fineas and Ondine, but it doesn't take long for them to realize he's not a good guy. Those misgivings solidify once the tower is built and they all move in together. Vox works hard to keep his kids as sheltered as possible, but it's hard to keep certain things on the down low once you're all living together. It's a lot to come to terms with– realizing that not only is your dad in a relationship with another man but said man is a violent, sexually exploitative monster who's constantly breaking up and then getting back together with him. Val's generally decent with the kids, but he's still this uncomfortable, looming presence in their afterlives. They wish Vox could've just stayed friends with Alastor instead; he was kinda scary, too, but they'd definitely prefer him as a "step-dad" over Valentino.

Would they stay mentally children or be mentally adults in children’s bodies? I honestly don’t know which is worse. (I do think the former’s more interesting though.)

Sort of an in between. They're eternally stuck as children maturity-wise, but they have decades of new experiences continuously being layered over that stunted baseline. Sinner children generally come across as kind of unsettling in a vague, undefinable way. They're clearly still kids, but there's something about them that's just... off.

What do they think of Vark? The metal image of child Sarah and Thomas riding Vark like a horse will not leave me.

Ondine loves Vark (and all of Vox's other sharks). Fineas is scared of him but tries to act tough about it. This is why Ondine is the favorite /j

If Sarah still discovers her Siren powers would Vox still try to find a way to capitalize it? Now I’m thinking of Vox forcing Thomas, Velvette, Valentino, and maybe his employees to watch Sarah sing and to clap every time.

Depends on how skittish Vox is about putting his kids in the public eye in this scenario. He wants his family to become sinner aristocracy, but literally broadcasting your weak point to all your rivals isn't exactly a good idea. If he decides to throw caution to the winds (and can compartmentalize his own childhood trauma), I can see him putting them in his shows. Sinner children are fairly rare, so if a piece of media needs kid characters, their only options are Hellborn kids or sinners who look like children for one reason or another. If Vox decides to keep them cloistered, then yeah, mandatory "watch the CEO's daughter sing" meeting at 3:00. Everyone's docile and spaced out afterwards, but that's a bonus! (at least, Vox says it is)

I can see a scenario where Valentino is screaming at the kids and Vox attacking Val to protect his kids, or in general calling out Val & Vel anytime he sees them treat his kids poorly.

Val and Vel know better than to do anything to threaten Vox's kids, although, yeah, there are probably some times when they snap at them and then get into arguments with Vox. Not a good time for Ondine, give how conflict adverse she is. Hearing her dad raise his voice at all always evokes a fear response in her. Bad memories.

How often would Sarah and Thomas be allowed to be kids? To be silly and goofy and have fun? (I’m assuming not often.)

They're not really able to do anything but be kids once Vox has the means for them to live comfortably. They're never going to grow up, both physically and mentally, and Vox doesn't really push them to act like adults. It's not quite a "Claudia from IWTV" situation, since any frustration would stem from being stuck doing the same thing for decades rather than not being able to age, but there's elements of that.

How much would Vox try to hide the more inappropriate stuff from his kids? How long until you think he gives up?

Vox tried to keep them pretty thoroughly sheltered during the first decade or two, but yeah, eventually he resigns himself to the fact that this is just how Hell is. He doesn't let Val flaunt his sex stuff in front of them, but if someone swears in their presence, he's not going to reprimand them (unless they're an employee and he's feeling petty).

Do you think Vox would import cartoons, books, and toys from Earth for them?

He can't import physical objects from Earth, but he can replicate them as best he can based on the Earthly broadcasts and descriptions from newly arrived sinners. There's probably at least one VoxTek employee locked up in a sweatshop somewhere who's stuck building toys for their contract-holder's children.

Would Vox bother with giving them a proper education?

To the best of his ability. Vox was actually "homeschooled" back when he was touring with his parents, although in reality, his education was put on the back burner, and once he finally started attending real school at age ten, he was reading at about a first grade level. During that first decade in Hell, he'd try to teach Sarah and Thomas things here and there, but he didn't really have the time to commit to it. Thomas ended up teaching Sarah a lot of stuff during those days stuck in the apartment, but given how he died at age 11-12, they only got so far. Once Vox hit it big though, yeah, he was definitely hiring tutors to finish their education. In 2024, Ondine and Fineas are better educated than most adults, despite being eternally stuck at ages 8-9 and 11-12. Sort of adds to their uncanny vibes, despite how cute they appear.

Once Vox becomes an Overlord do you think he buys/customizes a robofizz to act as the kids nanny/bodyguard? What would the kids name them?

Oh yeah, totally. The kids have non-synthetic tutors/nannies/bodyguards, but it gives Vox some peace of mind to have one who he knows he can "trust"/control completely. The kids might name it "Sparky," after their dog, but "Claudia" would also be fun, just for the reference.

...or fucking renesmee. ondine would be behind that.

Possible reasons Sarah & Thomas are in Hell: 1-They’re mother (& father) told them to keep silent to certain illegal things she(/he) does, so they’re technically accomplices. 2-Partially responsible for the death of someone, which could count as manslaughter. 3-Accidentally ate human flesh, cannibalism. 4-Killed a puppy by accident, puppy killing’s pretty evil.

Sdfghgfdfg. I can see Thomas accidentally shooting an animal with a BB gun (or doing it on a dare from his friends). Right now, I'm leaning towards Hell working on The Good Place rules, where your destiny depends on the net impact you had on the world. Poor Tommy and Sarah got sent to Hell just for being rich, privileged, White children from the 1950s who had bad parents.

Man, Exterminations must have been terrifying. I can imagine them huddled in the corner together, hearing the screams of Sinners and hoping they aren’t next. Does Vox try to explain the Exterminations to them? How would Sarah & Thomas react to finding out Angels come down to murder everyone each year? Such a contrast to what they were taught Angels were like.

Definitely. It was so much worse back before Vox had the resources to build an Extermination bunker. Vox can go incorporeal, but the kids can't, so he had to find hiding places for the three of them that weren't already taken up by other sinners. Thomas and Sarah probably watched their dad get at least one person permakilled by hypnotizing them into giving up their spot and walking into the onslaught. Once Vox becomes an overlord, it's less stressful, but it never stops being scary. Sarah especially struggled with the idea that angels can be cruel; the Oxrights were your typical church-going 1950s family, and Sarah used to draw a lot of comfort from religion, particularly after Vox died.

—

Now I need an in depth view on Sarah’s newly broken view on Angels. If she had a chance to talk to an Angel, what would she say to them? I want to see Sarah interact with all the Angels in the now (Sera, Emily, Lucifer, Vaggie, Lute, Adam, etc.). I need to lock Ondine & Sera in a room together so Ondine can ask Sera how she can slaughter thousands yearly? What would Sera’s reaction be? How would Sarah react to Adam, the first man, is the leader of the Exorcists and is all around a terrible piece of garbage? How would Sarah react to realizing Lucifer, The Devil, is actually kinda nice (or at least a more pleasant person to be around than Adam)?

By the time Ondine and Fineas would have an opportunity to meet most of those characters, they've been in Hell for 65 years, so the idea that demons can be kind and angels can be cruel has had plenty of time to settle. Sera probably wouldn't handle having a sinner child questioning her morals very well. She'd most likely react in a similar way as she did when Emily discovered the truth, insisting that she was only doing what she had to. The fact that Sera and Sarah have nearly the same name is making things even more uncomfortable.

For some reason child Sarah and Thomas meeting Lucifer sound hilarious, how do you think that would go down? Would they even believe he’s The Devil? It would be extra funny if Lucifer’s great with kids and they get along swimmingly. “He's pissed at God/Lucifer/whoever for letting this happen. What could children have possibly done to deserve Hell?” When Lucifer visits the Hotel would Vox scream at him why his 9 & 12 year old kids were sent to Hell? (If he recognizes him as Lucifer) How would Lucifer react? (Or would Vox do that to Charlie when he realizes she’s The Princess of Hell? Charlie would probably be in tears afterwards)

If Lucifer and Charlie were ever confronted with the "Why are children able to be sent to Hell?" question, they wouldn't take it well. Lucifer tries to defer responsibility, saying that it's not within his control: he doesn't decide who does and doesn't get into Hell... but it is still his kingdom, and he's chosen to stick his head in the sand instead of doing anything to help his most vulnerable "subjects." Charlie, yeah, she'd be devastated realizing kids can be sent to Hell for no clear reason and no one has tried to do anything about it.

–

Mental image that refuses to leave me: Vox walking in on Fineas about to shoot an apple off his terrified assistant’s head as Ondine watches apprehensively. He takes the bow and arrow from Fineas, scolding him… and then hands him a crossbow instead. Way more fun that way.

–

The kids are kind of afraid of Valentino, but they think Velvette is the coolest person in Hell. Ondine likes to follow her around like a shadow whenever she's working on her fashion lines, and Fineas maybe sorta kinda has a tiny little crush on her. Velvette hates children, but she can't tell them to fuck off unless she wants to get into an unnecessary fight with Vox, so she has to tolerate them when they try to interact with her.

–

How much has Sarah and Thomas' morals decayed? How much empathy can they show to a regular Sinner? Do they still see regular Sinners as people and not toys or pets?

It's weird. Vox has been encouraging them to dehumanize those under contract with him+the other Vees for decades; they signed up to work for them, so of course the kids should be allowed to do whatever they want to them. Since they died so young, Fineas and Ondine's morals are malleable, plus they both want their dad's approval, so they just... do as he says.

Ondine doesn't enjoy hurting people, but she can still be a bit of a handful in this verse. If she wants to play dress up with random tower employees that day, well, they have no choice but to drop everything and be her dolls until she moves onto something else. She'll also occasionally use her siren powers to make people do silly things (Vox loves it when she does this; he's been teaching her to hone her hypnotic abilities for years and is always so proud when she manages to successfully bend someone to her will). It comes from a place of genuine playfulness rather than malice, but that's cold comfort to the people she's messing with.

Fineas has much lower empathy than his sister and is far less squeamish. If he wants to play a game that could end in someone getting seriously injured, he does it; if he's in the room when one of the Vees is mauling an employee, it doesn't faze him. The fact that these are people, not toys, doesn't really register to him because, well, his dad said it was okay for him to do this, so what's the big deal?

If Charlie could get them away from Vox, she could probably teach them that just because you can treat people like rag dolls doesn't mean that you should, and that a person's feelings aren't automatically less important just because they sold their soul. They're not bad kids at heart; they're just children who've been taught to be careless with people because their dad gets a kick out of it.

"The kids are kind of afraid of Valentino, but they both think that Velvette is the coolest person in Hell." This is so cute!! Does Sarah get into fashion design?

As much as she can. She's only 8 or 9, so she doesn't really have the attention span/ability to commit to it, but she thinks it's fun. Velvette might end up actually spending some time with her because Ondine came up to her with a notebook full of drawings and Vel decides that picking apart this third grader's doodles was a good use of her time. She's not nice about it, but eventually it turns into more of a critique than simple roasting since Ondine won't leave until she's looked at all of them.

–

When video games arrive in Hell, Fineas— as you would expect from an eleven-year-old boy— is enamored. If you play online games in Hell, there’s probably been at least one time when you’ve heard a pre-pubescent boy’s voice in VC, spouting the most obscene series of curse words you’ve ever heard in both English and Spanish. He has all the rarest gear in the game and will threaten to have his dad send snipers to your location if you grief him.

After a few decades, Vox starts lying to his kids that he somehow checked with Heaven and knows for a fact that's where their mother is. It's easier to let them think that than have them start asking about them finding her in Hell, and it gives him an easy cover story if he ever manages to find her and follow through on his plans to permakill her.

Vox uses his status as a “family man” to further bolster his public image. It’s a narrow tightrope to walk, trying to project humanity to the customer base and invulnerability to his colleagues/enemies, but if you ask him, he’d say he does it well. It helps that it’s not entirely a lie: Vox is a vicious, cutthroat overlord, but he also has two small children who he’s ironically much closer with in Hell than he was on Earth.

Imagining Vox teaching Ondine how to hypnotize people is just the cutest thing to me. He's trying to explain these abstract mental concepts to an eight-year-old. She doesn't fully understand that what they're doing is wrong; she just likes spending time with her dad. Vox is literally glowing with pride whenever she manages to do it right. They might sing together since that's how Ondine's powers work. Adorable evil daddy-daughter bonding is killing me.

#oc posting

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shalom-iamcominghome · 5 months ago

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The accomplishment of one of the kids in shul: Reading the haftarah completely in hebrew with little hesitation and in a pretty timely manner

My accomplishment (whole adult): Being able to follow along without getting lost (first time I have been able to do this)

Honestly, though, I'm not complaining. My method of acquiring knowledge was to do full immersion in my community, and I've been seeing how much I've been able to learn. In terms of Doing Judaism, I'm younger than these kids at shul 💀💪

#jumblr #jew by choice #jewish conversion #personal thoughts tag #shul shenanigans #if you are in need of feeling like a kid again try full immersion in a different culture / subculture #i feel like a kid all the time now ever since immersing myself in my community #but few of us read the hebrew - frankly they only read in hebrew as a challenge to themselves #that's the trouble with being diasporic huh? but it does feel nice when you actually DO understand what's happening in hebrew and whatnot #i put 110% of my mental energy in following the haftarah this week in hebrew #i really do recommend full immersion with only *some* prep though!#honestly it's made me feel even more a part of my community because they have indirectly taught me so much!#like this week i actually remembered to cover my eyes to say the shema the first go around because i saw them do it #and i was like SHIT UH OH but they won't be able to judge me for not covering if they covered their eyes in the first place so 💪#a very 'what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀' situation lmaoooo

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unma · 2 months ago

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Cats

What's not to love about these lovely creatures? Honestly, growing up I was always a dog person (even despite the fact that I was attacked by one when I was young). But then I realized I wouldn't be able to take care of a dog for, well, a buncha reasons, thought about how it would be to have a cat, and thought, yeah, it would be nice to have one. For so many reasons. The eternally lethargic me could never take care of a dog properly. A cat, though? I probably could.

#the void asks back #I physically still can't bring myself not to freeze up or get away when a dog is nearby #despite the fact that I still love them #my first thought when one is nearby is always “what if it decides to attack me?”#obviously the answer is that it won't but childhood trauma does shit to you lol #that's the first time I've ever called it trauma but now that I mention it it really is huh #still remember sobbing afterwards about the wounds on my back #shame I never got any scars #the least I could get for going through that #fun fact: The next house we moved to after that incident had a dog that was chained that I played with #one of my strongest memories with the dog was of accidentally hurting it because of how sad and guilty it made me #like damn I really liked that dog #despite the fact that I still couldn't get too close given the whole recently formed trauma thing #I do also remember getting chased by a crocodile with my aunt back in the same home the dog attack took place in #or was it an alligator #but honestly I have trouble believing that memory wasn't a dream #even though that's the only memory of that time I'm unsure is a dream or not #one day I should ask my aunt if it was a dream #also we were in the house's compound so we were able to run inside and be fine #but somehow I doubt that that really happened #oops there I go rambling in the tags again

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supernova-stardust · 15 hours ago

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i have the second chapter of this almost done yall (ideally posting it tomorrow or saturday, fingers crossed!!) the depression has been depressioning and i had some health stuff going on 😮‍💨 here’s a little snippet of a scene i DO have finished though as thanks for being so patient with me

discussion of sui after the break, but it’s mostly lighthearted i swear - 968 words of platonic evan & regulus

Regulus was surprised to find that he was able to focus on writing much longer this morning than he had in a long time. Instead of staring at the screen wallowing at the fact that no words came to him, he was able to write a few pages as the cafe got busier throughout the morning. When someone sat at his table, he was almost able to ignore them with his headphones blocking out the sounds around him and his face buried in his laptop. It wasn’t until he felt a sharp kick to his shin that he even glanced up from his laptop, glaring as he ripped his headphones off his ears.

"Hey—" Immediately, his face softened at the man sitting across from him. "Oh, hey Evan."

"Oh, hey Evan. Are you fucking kidding me?" He kicked Regulus again, this time with more malice. "You act weird for a week, send me some cryptic goodbye text, and disappear for weeks. I had to find out from your brother what happened. And all I get is oh, hey Evan."

"To be fair, Sirius told me he updated you, so I figured you weren’t worried anymore."

"Of course I was fucking worried. You’re my best friend." Evan looked at him with so much sadness in his eyes that it made Regulus squirm under his gaze. "I’m still worried. Barty says I shouldn’t be, that they wouldn’t have discharged you if you weren’t okay, but I know you. I know you know how to manipulate them into thinking you’re fine. You know how to make all of us think you’re fine when you’re really not."

"Barty is right,” Regulus replied, choosing to ignore the rest of what Evan said. “I’m fine."

"See, that actually makes me think that you’re the exact opposite of fine. Barty is never right and you’re always the first one to say it."

Regulus laughed at that. "Okay, okay. Fine. I’m stable, how’s that for an answer?"

"Now that, I’ll actually believe." Evan said as he raked his dark fingers through his platinum curls. "Did your life experiences give you any inspiration for your book?"

And just like that, Regulus was forgiven and all was back to normal with his best friend. He knew things between them would be fine, even after that first night in the hospital. In fact, the only thing that he didn’t have anxiety about was whether or not Evan would forgive him. He had stressed about everything and everyone else, even what Barty thought about him consumed Regulus’ thoughts for a time, but he knew Evan would always accept him no matter what. Despite his attempts at avoiding him all throughout their college years, every year they ended up being dorm roommates again. Later, Evan would admit that he had requested to be roomed with Regulus because he loved having such a quiet and tidy roommate. But eventually they grew attached to one another, able to communicate non-verbally in ways that he had never been able to with anyone other than his own brother. They respected one another and as time went on, their respect blossomed into a friendship that was unshakable. When Regulus had returned to their dorm after Sirius showed up in his life again, Evan was the one who convinced him to trust that his brother wanted to be a part of his life. Evan was the one who saw him sob uncontrollably over his brother and their lost time together, never once judging him. Evan was always the one who could get through to Regulus, no matter how mentally unstable he had become.

When Evan had started dating Barty, Regulus had thought that Evan was the crazy one. Barty was known on campus as a party animal–loud, unhinged, and untamed. They had met at a party that Evan insisted Regulus attend with him. Barty had offered them some pills, which they both swallowed without even questioning. They drank a series of shots together, and the three of them had become inseparable since then. Surprisingly, Barty was often the voice of reason among their little group. Despite his poor short term decision making skills—evidenced by the stick-and-poke tattoos that littered his body and the drugs often coursing through his veins—Barty was relatively level-headed. He could look at things in calculated ways that neither Regulus nor Evan ever could, balancing the weight of risk involved in everything that they did. Regulus’ anxieties often clouded his decisions, always assuming the worst outcome, and Evan simply didn’t care to think that far ahead, preferring to live in the moment and practice the mindfulness that he’d learned in his years of yoga. In a strange way, Barty and Evan seemed to have always been made for each other, and over the years Regulus shifted from feeling envious of their easy love to feeling relief that they had each other and still kept him close, never making him feel like a third-wheel or a burden.

"You know, jumping off a bridge does have its perks," Regulus said dryly. "I have been feeling inspired to write my novel again. It’s like a fresh start."

"Oh, fuck off. Your novel is a murder mystery, not some prose about the meaning of life."

"Yeah, and now I know what it feels like to nearly drown. I’m thinking of changing the entire method of murder now." Regulus sipped at his coffee as Evan balked at him, clearly unsure if Regulus was joking or not. "In other news, I have a date tonight."

"Show me his profile." Evan didn’t miss a beat at the subject change and held out his hand expectantly for Regulus’ phone. "You may say that you’re mentally stable, but I know your taste in men sucks regardless of your mental state."

A Habit to Kick (The Age-Old Curse)

A few weeks ago, Regulus Black jumped off a bridge. It's not that he really wanted to die, but he didn't really want to live either. He didn't think anyone would care one way or another, if he's honest. Now he's stuck learning how to live.

James Potter was used to seeing Reg every day at the cafe he worked in, until one day he stopped coming in. When he finally sees the guy he's been crushing on come back into the cafe, he knew he had to take his chance at asking him out on a date.

***This fic deals with heavy themes of depression, lack of a will to live, and suicide, but will have a happy ending***

wip, word count: 6,163, jegulus end game, established wolfstar

read on ao3 or the first full chapter after the break

(I posted about half of this chapter, unedited, earlier this week on this account as a teaser, but this is the full chapter and has been fully edited - expect sporadic updates of this fic posted here and on ao3.)

Regulus thought he knew loneliness before, but nothing prepared him for the emptiness that he was left with upon returning home after his hospitalization. One of the stipulations of his discharge was that he couldn’t stay home alone for the first couple of weeks and so his older brother, Sirius, trailed through the door behind him with a gym bag full of clothes and other things he deemed necessary. He closed the door to Regulus’ apartment behind him then dropped the bag on the floor next to him as he kicked off his combat boots. Regulus stared at the mismatched socks on his feet, one green and one blue, and wondered if there would ever be a time when he learned to care so little about details like that. Where Sirius learned to care less about what other people think about him and the way he presented himself, Regulus internalized perfection in every facet of his life.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Regulus said as he turned away and walked further into his apartment that felt less like home than it ever did. He couldn’t say that he found comfort in the hospital, far from it, but something about his stay made everything here feel less and less like his.

“Reggie,” Sirius’ voice was thick with concern as he hung his leather jacket on the hook in the entryway. “Can’t we just chill for a bit first? Maybe watch a movie or something?”

“I’m not gonna kill myself in the shower, Sirius,” he shot over his shoulder and kept walking towards the bathroom. “But I might if I don’t wash the filth from the hospital off my skin.”

Sirius stormed up behind him and grabbed his shoulder, whipping him around to look him in the eye. “Don’t fucking joke like that. Not yet. I really thought I lost you, you know.” His eyes welled with tears and his face paled. Before Regulus could comprehend what was happening, he was being pulled into a tight embrace. He was pretty sure he’s been hugged more times in the past few weeks than he ever had in his entire life.

Regulus found himself rubbing Sirius’ back, internally cringing at the idea of soothing his brother when he was the one who was pushed so far by the demands of his everyday life that he opted to end it. “I promise to stop making jokes about killing myself for one week if you let me go take a shower, deal?”

“Leave the door open?” Sirius asked as he pulled away and wiped away the tears that had spilled down his cheeks.

“If it’ll make you feel better, sure.”

“It will.”

“Fine,” Regulus agreed as he walked down the hall to the bathroom. He shucked off his clothes and tossed them into the hamper. The hoodie and sweats were clean just a couple of hours ago, but he smelled so strongly of hospital and sanitizer that he deemed them dirty already. He would probably need to wash them multiple times before he’d be able to get the smell fully out of them and even then, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to see those particular clothes ever again.

He scrubbed at his skin, washing himself at least a half a dozen times before his skin turned pink and he decided that he smelled enough like his typical cedar and sea salt soap to be considered clean. His hair is next. The hospital-provided 3-in-1 product had caused his usual soft waves to matte and lay flat on his head, so he took his time scrubbing with his shampoo a few times. When he deemed his hair finally clean, he slathered more conditioner than he would typically ever use and gently detangled his curls with his fingers. With his hair smooth and his fingers pruned, he finally turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He nearly tripped over Sirius sitting on the floor with his back against the wall as he stepped out of the bathroom. Sirius banged his head on the wall when he looked up at Regulus with a sheepish smile, one leg bent close to his body and the other outstretched across the narrow hallway. “Sorry, I was worried.”

“Are you gonna be like this the whole time?”

“At least for a few weeks,” he folded his arms and tucked both legs up towards his body then rested his cheek on his arms as he looked up at his younger brother. “I’m a bit clingy now, Moony has encouraged my bad behavior and I’m afraid you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

“You’re literally 28, you’re not old.”

Sirius barked a laugh and tucked his feet under himself so he could stand up. “You’re my favorite brother.”

“I’m your only brother,” Regulus deadpanned as he walked past Sirius to his bedroom so he could put on a fresh change of clothes.

When Sirius had started dating Remus, or Moony as he tended to call him, Regulus knew their parents wouldn’t be happy, but he hadn’t thought it would change the trajectory of all of their lives. Sirius had decided to show their parents, rather than tell them, about his new boyfriend by bringing him home for Sunday dinner. Growing up Catholic, Sundays were a day reserved for devotion to God and family. Sirius was in college, Regulus a senior in high school still living at home, and had told their parents that he had been seeing someone special for a few months. Their parents invited Sirius and “the lovely lady” for dinner and instead it was Remus who walked through the door with his fingers interlaced with Sirius’. That was the most tense and silent meal that had ever occurred at the Black household.

When Sirius had returned home for the summer, their parents gave him an ultimatum: conversion therapy or be disowned. Sirius had packed his bags that night.

Regulus hadn’t heard from Sirius for a few months after that. He got accepted into his first choice college and tried to distract himself with schoolwork. He avoided getting close with any of his classmates and did his best to make himself scarce when his dorm mate, Evan, was around. He’d go into a local cafe with his noise canceling headphones and bury himself in studying while drinking more coffee than was probably healthy. On one of those days, Sirius had plopped himself in the seat across from him and glowered. His hair was longer, half of it pulled away from his face in a messy bun, and he had a few tattoos visible on his neck, collarbone, and knuckles.

“Why haven’t you been answering my texts or calls?” Sirius had asked when Regulus wrenched his headphones away from his ears.

“The fuck? You’re the one not answering me.” Regulus had slammed his laptop shut and returned the glare that Sirius was giving him.

Turned out, their parents had blocked the brothers from being able to communicate. When Regulus had confronted them about it, they claimed it was for Regulus’ own good. They didn’t want their ‘only son to be influenced by sinners.’ At that, Regulus had laughed and said that he’d known he was gay since he was a child. He hadn’t spoken to his parents since. Their Uncle Alphard had taken pity on the brothers and helped them both to survive since being disowned.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Sirius yelled from outside his bedroom, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Do you really have to ask?” Regulus tugged his shirt on as he shouted back, annoyed at even being asked when Sirius already knew the answer.

He heard Sirius groan before he yelled back, “don’t you ever get sick of watching 10 Things I Hate About You ?”

“No, actually.” Regulus said flatly, walking into the living room to see Sirius sitting on the couch fiddling with the remote. “There’s something soothing about watching Patrick fuck up so royally and still win the girl at the end.”

“You need more therapy.”

“Obviously. Now put the movie on, I’ll make popcorn.”

***

In the morning, Regulus went through his morning routine and felt his nerves settle for the first time in weeks. The thing no one talked about when you’re hospitalized is how disrupted your everyday life is. Obviously, there’s the whole ‘in the hospital’ bit, but it was the little routines that calmed Regulus’ nerves. With his particular brand of mental illness, they always tried to disrupt his routines. Exposure therapy or something, they said. He thought it was bullshit.

And so he found comfort in waking up at exactly seven, stretching for fifteen minutes, brushing his teeth, showering, and being meticulous about his skincare and styling his hair. All of the little things that he had taken for granted in his daily life that suddenly became impossible to uphold when other people were checking in on him and watching his every move. He got dressed in an over-sized burgundy knit sweater and black trousers and grabbed his bag. Pulling out his headphones, he slipped them around his neck, then double checked that his laptop was safely inside and headed towards the living area towards the front door. Sirius was laying on the couch with blankets wrapped tightly around his body but surprisingly, was awake and staring at his phone.

“Didn’t think you’d be awake yet,” he said to Sirius as he grabbed his favorite black oxfords and slid them on.

Sirius grunted sleepily in response. “Didn’t get much sleep, if I’m honest. Your couch sucks.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Regulus said blandly. “I know they said I couldn’t be alone, but I’m fine—”

“Reggie, I’m staying.”

“You really don’t need to.”

“Me staying is the only reason you were allowed to leave, you know that. You were at that meeting.”

“Fine,” Regulus relented, knowing that arguing with Sirius was like arguing with a brick wall. “I’m going out, I’ll be gone for a few hours. Do you want coffee when I come back?”

“Are you going to Galactic Grounds?”

“I go there every day, Sirius. They’re the only place that makes good coffee around here.” Plus the guy who worked there was cute as hell, but Regulus refused to say that part out loud to his older brother. “Do you want coffee or not?”

“Yeah, I’d love coffee. Text me when you get there?”

“Sirius—”

“And when you’re headed home? I promise I’ll chill out in a few days, just humor me. Please?”

“Fine, bye.”

“Love you, Reggie.”

“Love you, Sirius.”

***

As he made his way into the cafe, Regulus pulled his headphones down to hang around his neck. The shop was generally pretty quiet, but the whirring of machines and general chatter were enough to make him flinch anyway. He stood in line, waiting as patiently as possible and mindlessly scrolling on his phone. When he looked up and glanced behind the counter, he saw the cute guy who always makes his coffee just right. James.

James looked up from the machine where he was steaming milk and fumbled the little metal pitcher. The smile on his face lit up the entire shop. “Reg, hey!” James seemingly abandoned the steaming milk to stare at him until the customer at the front of the line cleared their throat. James’ cheeks turned red from embarrassment as he apologized to the customer and then directed himself back at Regulus. “Can you stay so we can catch up?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll be here for a while. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on.” He really didn’t. The novel he had been working on wasn’t exactly going anywhere. Besides, his and Sirius’ Uncle Alphard made sure that all of their needs were met, so ‘work’ wasn’t exactly a necessity. It was just something to keep himself busy and to take his mind off things. ‘Things’ mostly being coping with mental illness and childhood trauma, if he’s honest.

Regulus started to pull out his wallet to pay for the coffee when James stopped him. “Nah,” he said. “On the house. It’s just a black coffee, Reg.”

Regulus cringed a bit at feeling like he owed back a favor, but tried to shake the feeling. This was something they had worked on extensively in group therapy; sometimes people just wanted to do nice things for you. Let them. And so he thanked James, picked up the coffee, and brought it over to his usual table in the corner. He settled into the comfortable booth and pulled out his laptop, staring at the screen asking for his password while he processed the fact that James wanted to catch up with him. Catch up? They had never even had a conversation beyond simple pleasantries.

He moved to readjust his headphones over his ears when he noticed James throwing his apron on the rack near the bar and striding over to where he’s seated.

“Hey,” James said as he noisily pulled a chair out so he could sit. As he sat, he scooched himself in, the chair dragged and screeched the whole time. Regulus did his best not to make an expression at the sounds, but clearly his face betrayed him because James quickly apologized, his cheeks slightly pink.

“Hi,” Regulus tentatively replied. The rehearsed small talk and polite niceties are fine for transactional interactions, but sitting here with James staring at him? He felt exposed and unsure of himself. “So,” he tried. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” James grinned. “How about you? You usually come in daily and I haven’t seen you for weeks. Did you do anything fun? I missed seeing you.”

Regulus flinched at that. Of course sweet, wholesome James would immediately want to know what fun and exciting things he got up to while he was away. It would never even cross his mind that Regulus had disappeared because he tried to kill himself, jumping off a nearby bridge into the river. He’d been hospitalized for weeks. “No,” Regulus said in as level of a tone as he could manage. “I didn’t do anything fun, but I did do lots of crafts.”

“Oh, uh— Okay. That’s cool. I didn’t know you were crafty.”

“I’m not.”

James stared at him in confusion before laughing, bright and carefree. “Fuck, you’re funny Reg. I don’t even think you mean to be.”

“Look, I do have a lot of work to do—”

“Sorry, yeah. My break is almost over too, but I just wanted to… I know this isn’t professional or anything, and honestly I’ve been avoiding it because I know this is a weird dynamic where I make you the perfect coffee every day and you don’t wanna lose that in case it goes poorly, but I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while and just— You not being around for a bit made me worried I wouldn’t get a chance to ask you again, so while I still have the guts, will you let me take you out sometime?”

“You want to go out on a date… with me?” Regulus had never heard anything more ridiculous in his life. This sunshine golden retriever of a man wanted to take him out on a date?

“I mean— Sorry if I read you wrong, if you’re not interested in guys, or uh… me, that’s cool. I’ll keep making your perfect coffee and no harm done. I just figured I’d shoot my shot, y’know?”

“I am— Interested. In guys.” Regulus paused for a moment, feeling awkward and unsure of himself. He hasn’t had anyone ask him out on a proper date before. Typically, he just went about things the old fashioned way: dating apps and swiping until he found a reasonable match. It never went well enough for a second date, but it never went poorly enough that it stopped him from the cycle either. When he looked at James, he realized that he hadn’t explained that he wanted to go on the date. “I’m interested in you too,” he quickly added. “I’ve always thought you were cute, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable at work.”

James beamed then handed him his phone. “Can you enter your number? I’ll text you and we can make more concrete plans?”

At first, Regulus was shocked by the casualness at which James just… handed him his phone. Then he realized that James probably never had parents who pried or jealous ex boyfriends who demanded to read every text exchange. He entered his phone number in a new text and texted himself the star emoji so that he had James’ number too and handed back his phone.

James glanced at his phone and then asked, “Why the star emoji?”

“For my name.”

James stared at him in confusion, but as he opened his mouth to ask he heard his co-worker calling out for him to come back from his break. “Fuck, I’m late. Sorry—”

“Go, James.”

“Yeah, I’ll text you later okay?”

“Okay.” Regulus smiled softly as he watched James stand up from the chair across from him and rush back to his place behind the bar. He swore under his breath as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, knowing that it was probably Sirius freaking out even though they’ve shared their locations for years now. Fishing out his phone, he rolled his eyes as he read the text.

[Sirius]: i know you’re at galactic

[Regulus]: then you really didn’t need me to text you when i got here did you?

[Sirius]: whatever.

[Sirius]: don’t stay too long, you have therapy later

[Sirius]: and remember to bring me back coffee

[Sirius]: why don’t you have a coffee maker at your apartment anyway?

[Regulus]: i literally come here every day, i don’t need a coffee maker when i pay for it to be made for me

[Sirius]: spoiled brat

[Regulus]: whatever, i’ll be back in an hour with coffee in hand

[Sirius]: you’re my favorite brother

[Regulus]: still your only brother

Regulus pulled his headphones over his ears and hit play on his favorite writing playlist before he placed his phone face down on the table. He typed in the password on his laptop and opened the file for his novel and just… stared at it. He pretended to read it while he sipped his coffee, but all thoughts in his head circled back to James. After about fifteen minutes, his cup was empty and he had written absolutely nothing. He gingerly closed his laptop and packed it away, deciding that his time would be better spent at home than trying to pretend that he wasn’t staring at James every chance he found.

He went up to the counter and pulled his headphones off when James came over with a questioning look. “Are you done working already?” he asked.

“Couldn’t focus,” Regulus answered softly. “Can I get another coffee to go, but with cream and sugar?”

“Have you decided that you finally have taste buds?” James joked as he began making the coffee.

“Very funny,” Regulus snarked back. “No, my brother is staying with me for a bit, so I’m bringing this back for him.”

“Oh that’s nice, is he visiting from out of town?” James placed the coffee on the counter in front of him.

Regulus hoped that his flinch wasn't noticeable. He didn’t know why he couldn’t seem to have a filter around James. Usually, he’d avoid giving any details of his life to anyone. The less they knew, the easier interactions were. The less they knew, the less he had to work to figure out how to phrase things so no one suspects anything was wrong with him. “No, he lives nearby. He’s just staying at my place for a few weeks.”

“You two must be close then,” James said.

Regulus wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer that, so he shrugged vaguely before he placed enough cash on the counter to cover both this and his own coffee from earlier, plus a generous tip. “See you tomorrow,” he shot over his shoulder as he headed out the door.

***

“You’re back earlier than I expected,” Sirius said when he came in the door. Regulus kicked off his shoes and padded his way into the living room where Sirius was still lounging on the couch, exactly where he left him. He handed him the coffee and sat on the couch next to him, shoving his legs out of the way to make room. “You told me you’d text me when you were on your way back.”

“I mean, I really didn’t.” Regulus groaned as he leaned back into the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “You coerced me with guilt to agree to text you against my will.”

“What else are brothers for if not to guilt each other?” Sirius asked as he took a sip of the coffee and practically moaned into the cup. “Fuck, that place makes the best coffee.”

“James,” Regulus said towards the ceiling.

“Huh?”

“James makes the best coffee. He gave me his number today.”

“Oh shit, is that the cute guy with the glasses?”

“Aren’t you happily committed to Remus?”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes,” Sirius said. “Are you gonna go on a date with him?”

“Do you really think I should?” Regulus asked. “I don’t exactly have my shit together, what with just trying to kill myself and all.”

“Who cares? If he’s the right guy, he won’t care if you have your shit together.” Sirius answered. “I’ve never had my shit together and Remus still loves me. It’s worth a shot.”

Before Regulus could answer, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Sirius put his coffee down and stared at him expectantly.

“What?”

“Aren’t you gonna check your phone?”

“I—”

Regulus never got to finish his sentence because Sirius threw himself at him, shoving a hand into his pocket and fishing out his phone.

“Fuck off,” Regulus snapped as he tried to grab his phone out of Sirius’ hand, but Sirius dangled the phone just out of reach.

“It’s James, ” Sirius sing-songs.

“Give it back, I’m serious,” Regulus realized his mistake in word choice before Sirius got a chance to bark a laugh. “Don’t even, just give me my fucking phone.”

“Reggie, you won’t let me read your texts with James and you won’t let me make my favorite, very funny, and not at all overused, joke.” Sirius gave him a mock pout. “Do you even love me?”

“There’s not even anything to read,” Regulus said as he practically climbed on top of Sirius to grab his phone. He looked at the screen and rolled his eyes. “He literally just texted ‘hi, it’s James.’ Was that really worth wrestling over?”

Sirius shrugged. “It was fun all the same.”

“You’re impossible.”

Regulus felt his phone vibrate again and he quickly glanced down to read the message on his home screen without unlocking his phone.

[James]: tell me what the star means

“How long should I wait to reply to him, do you think?”

“Huh?”

“What’s the appropriate amount of time to wait to reply to a text?” Regulus rephrased his question, looking at his brother expectantly.

“Reggie,” Sirius’ voice softened. “If you like him, you should just answer him. You don’t have to play games like that.”

“I don’t—” Regulus let out a breath. “I don’t want to seem desperate. Or clingy.”

“Replying to a double text from a guy who’s clearly interested in you isn’t going to come off as desperate, it’ll just let him know you’re on the same page. Besides, as soon as you open that he’s gonna see the read receipt.”

Regulus wasn’t sure that his brother was right, but he decided that if James was already texting him, then he could text him back. He pulled out his phone and opened the texts between them before he overthought what he was going to say.

“You know,” Sirius said, interrupting Regulus’ thoughts. “He’s probably freaking out just as much as you are, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Fuck off,” Regulus shoved at his brother. “You know no one freaks out more than I do, that’s just mean.” He stood up and paced around the living room while Sirius watched him with a smirk. When he had sent the star emoji earlier, he had intended for it to come off as mysterious and cool, but now he just felt dumb.

[Regulus]: my full name is regulus, like the star

He shot off the text before he could think about it anymore, knowing that no matter what he wasn’t going to feel good about how he phrased an answer to James’ question. Before he had even locked his phone again, James had texted him back.

“I told you he was interested,” Sirius said as he pulled the blankets around himself again and settled back into the couch.

[James]: that explains the gravitational pull I feel towards you

Regulus rolled his eyes. Of course James would be the type to come up with something that cheesy.

[Regulus]: and that is exactly why I always introduce myself as reg

[James]: sorry, couldn’t resist

[James]: will you still go on a date with me? :(

[Regulus]: only if you promise to never use another star themed pick up line again

[James]: pinky promise

“Oh my fucking god,” Sirius said. His voice pulled Regulus out of his head and made him realize that he was literally just standing in the middle of his living room, staring at his phone, and smiling. “You’re fucking giddy over this guy. I mean, look at you. You’re practically blushing! I knew he was cute, but Regulus Arcturus Black, do you have a real, honest to God, crush?”

“I hate you,” Regulus said with less conviction than intended. He flipped his brother off and went to his bedroom, leaving the door open to avoid Sirius having a total meltdown. He plopped onto the bed and opened his phone, seeing another string of texts from James.

[James]: does tomorrow night work for you?

[James]: also, do you like Italian food?

[James]: I could pick you up at 7

[Regulus]: italian at 7 tomorrow sounds perfect

He wondered if he should really be giving James his address, normally he would meet up with guys at a neutral location before going to their place. He really didn’t like having guys come to his apartment, not just because of the whole safety aspect of things, but also he hated the idea of someone snooping around his things or putting things back where they don’t belong. Everything in his home was meticulously placed and organized. Even placing something back in the fridge with the label turned around was enough to set him off some days. He decided that he could decide whether or not to send James his address after therapy today and put his phone on do not disturb so he wouldn’t know if James asked before then.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully before therapy. He and Sirius had a boring lunch of sandwiches since neither of them knew how to cook a proper meal, then they tidied up the apartment a bit. Really, Regulus cleaned and organized meticulously while Sirius sat on the couch texting Remus, but Regulus decided that was for the best. Sirius staying out of his way was more helpful than him actually helping.

When it was time to leave for therapy, Sirius gave him a ride instead of letting him walk. He only convinced Regulus to let him drive him there and back because sure, the walk there would be fine, but wouldn’t the walk home with a puffy face from crying be worse than a walk of shame at 8am? Regulus really couldn’t argue with that.

Regulus had been to plenty of therapists before. Being a gay son in a Catholic household tended to lend itself pretty well to the whole ‘needing therapy’ thing. He hadn’t been to therapy for a few years before his attempt though, preferring to bury his feelings with things like substances and one night stands, and so the hospital prescribed him twice weekly sessions. One with this new therapist, Horace Slughorn, and one with a group. When the hospital had assigned him to his therapist, he honestly thought the name was a joke. Who the fuck would name their child Horace and why would they hold onto a surname like Slughorn when there was the option to legally change your name to… anything else? But then he remembered that his entire family had named their children after stars and decided to keep all thoughts of criticism to himself.

Walking into Slughorn’s office, the office receptionist made him fill out a ridiculously long questionnaire asking him pointless questions like ‘in the last 2 weeks have you felt hopeless or like life has no meaning?’ Obviously yes, he wouldn’t have been prescribed mandatory therapy if he hadn’t jumped off a fucking bridge, but fine. He answered all the questions and brought the iPad back to the receptionist, then waited. And waited. And waited some more. He checked the time on his phone and realized that Horace was over a half an hour late for his appointment. Great. Not only was he going to have to endure appointments every week, but this therapist was wasting even more of his time by not starting promptly. He already hated him.

When he was called into the office, he sat on a saggy couch and continued to wait until a portly man with a bald head strolled into the room without a care in the world. He sat down and smiled weakly at Regulus and Regulus decided that he hated this man even more than before. Who comes into an appointment nearly three quarters of an hour late and doesn’t even apologize?

“My name is Horace, it’s nice to meet you,” he said as he pulled out a notebook and pen. He looked at Regulus expectantly. Regulus assumed that he was met with sheer disgust based on how his face blanched.

“If you’re going to be late to every appointment, we might as well not even exchange pleasantries. My time is valuable and I don’t tolerate disrespect.”

Slughorn wrote something in his notebook as he grimaced. “Unfortunately, I’m the only therapist with openings in this practice currently, and seeing as you were recently hospitalized, I’m afraid you don’t exactly have the bargaining power here, Mr. Black. Now, do you want to tell me what led to your recent hospitalization?”

“I jumped off a bridge. Surely, you read my chart before I arrived.”

“I did, but I’d much prefer to hear your story from you directly.”

“That’s about it, Horace.”

Therapy continued as expected. Horace pushed for more details and Regulus made him feel as though he were talking to a brick wall. When their session was done, Regulus stopped by the front desk and told the receptionist he would not be returning.

“I— Can I give you a recommendation on where to find better care?” She seemed kind-hearted and so Regulus agreed to take the card she offered for another office nearby without a fight. When he got in the car, dry-eyed and irritated, Sirius laughed.

“That good, huh?”

“Don’t get me started,” Regulus sighed. “Can we get Chinese food? I need to eat so many crab rangoons I forget what that guy’s face looked like.”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered. “Can Moony come? I’m codependent and I miss him.”

“You should go to therapy for that,” Regulus joked before agreeing. Truthfully, he liked Remus. He might have even considered him a friend if he allowed himself to get close enough to the guy. He placed the order for their Chinese food before he turned his phone off ‘do not disturb’. When he looked at his notifications, he saw a handful of texts from James.

[James]: what’s your address?

[James]: sorry, not trying to be weird, just want to pick you up like a proper date

[James]: you can give me a fake address to meet you at if you want

[James]: or we can meet at the restaurant if you’d prefer

“Okay, maybe you were right,” Regulus said to his brother while they waited for Remus to come out to the car.

Sirius mock gasped and clutched at the collar of his shirt. “Did Regulus Black just admit that I, Sirius Black, was right? ”

Of course, at that moment was when Remus got in the back seat of the car and looked between the two brothers. “I leave him with you for one day and his ego is already inflated.”

“Moony,” Sirius twisted himself towards the back seat and planted a quick kiss on Remus’ lips. “Reggie just said I was right, can you believe it?” He pulled his phone out of his coat pocket and took a selfie with Regulus scowling in the background. “I’m gonna frame this.”

“Hey Reg,” Remus said. Regulus noticed that he was careful not to ask how he was. In fact, Remus acted like everything about Sirius staying with his brother, bringing him to and from appointments and getting Chinese takeout all together, instead of being at home with his boyfriend was completely normal.

“Hey,” Regulus replied.

“So,” Remus questioned as Sirius began driving towards their favorite Chinese takeaway spot. “What was Sirius right about?”

“Ugh,” Regulus groaned. “This guy at the cafe I like asked me on a date today, so I gave him my number. He’s been texting me trying to plan the date and Sirius said that he was probably overthinking just as much as I was. I didn’t believe him until this guy literally sent me four texts freaking out about how he asked for my address.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at that. “Lemme see.”

Regulus handed him his phone and waited while Remus read the texts.

“Okay, so the gravitational pull pickup line was smooth. But yeah, don’t leave this poor guy on read any longer, Reg. Answer the man.” Remus handed his phone back.

“What pickup line?” Sirius asked as he pulled into the parking lot.

“Oh, it was good,” Remus laughed. “Said that being named after a star explained the gravitational pull he felt towards him. Should have used that one myself.”

Sirius laughed so hard at that, he had to wipe away a few tears from his eyes. “Please, Reggie, you’re gonna eat him up. That’s so sweet.”

Regulus crossed his arms and glared at his brother. “Maybe I like sweet.”

“Since when?” Sirius and Remus asked in unison, the former sounding shocked.

“Since I felt like killing myself, I guess. Gotta change something, right?” At that, Regulus got out of the car and headed into the restaurant to grab their giant bag of food. When he came back, the car was eerily silent.

“Reggie,” Sirius said solemnly as he pulled out of the parking lot. “You promised no suicide jokes for at least a week.”

“Oh, come on,” Regulus groaned as he tilted his head back into the headrest of the seat. “That was hardly a joke.”

“Reg…” Remus started.

“Fine,” Regulus interrupted, his voice cold and cruel. “Sorry, I’ll keep the jokes about what happened to me to myself.”

“It– It didn’t happen to you, Reggie,” Sirius muttered. “You did it to yourself. And to us. We all have to live with the decisions you make too.”

“Sorry,” Regulus said, softening his tone. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay, Reggie. I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you. Let’s just try to have a nice night, yeah?”

The car ride home was much more subdued than the ride to the Chinese restaurant was. Regulus took the lull in conversation to shoot James a text with his address and an apology for taking so long to reply. James replied immediately.

[James]: i can’t wait!

[James]: sorry for being a chronic over texter

[James]: it will happen again

When they arrived at Regulus’ apartment, they put on a mind-numbing movie and sat around the living room eating greasy food and laughing at stupid jokes. Regulus wished he could have had a glass or two of wine, but part of his discharge instructions was to stay sober for at least a month while he continued to adjust to his medications and life outside of the hospital. Regulus ended up fishing out the air mattress from the closet so Remus could crash in the living room with Sirius and they all fell into their bedtime routines.

When he was finally alone in bed, Regulus read over the texts from James again. He had never felt so excited to go on a date with someone before. He thought to himself, though he’d never admit it out loud, that maybe it was for the best that he hadn’t died in that river after all.

#evan rosier #wip #marauders fanfiction #dead gay wizards #regulus being regulus #regulus black #regulus and evan’s friendship is everything to me and i don’t see it often enough in fics #jegulus fanfiction #rosekiller

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