#I was a chatroom bitch first

[forlix]

𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁・l.f.

— in which you forget that your hot housemate follows you on twitter.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀・1.1k 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴・roommate!felix x gn!streamer!reader 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲𝘀・fluff, flirting, kind of an smau, implied friends to lovers, humor if u count jeongin being a piece of shit

𝗮/𝗻・saw this tweet the other day and it was so painfully lix coded that i knew i had to write something asap. contains a tiny bit of gaming jargon but is hopefully comprehensible. ENJOY ♡

y/n ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ @ y/nxx

if someone brings you fresh cut fruit to your table when you're gaming, they either like LIKE you or it's your mom

11:23 A.M.・Oct. 2023・220.2K Views

bokkie 🐣 liked your post.

“My tweet?”

You read aloud the newest text in your chatroom, and your face brightens when you remember the one in question.

“Oh, about the fruit—no, it’s so true though. And I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but I have an inkling she did it to guilt trip me." You change your posture and adopt your best motherly tone of voice. "‘This is your tenth consecutive hour wasting your young adulthood in front of that damn screen. I am now going to hand deliver apple slices straight to your mouth.’ That kind of vibe, y'know?"

A slew of messages follows your anecdote, but it is a comment from one of your moderators that catches your eye first:

je0ng1n: what about the other option tho 👀

You groan at the sight of his username. “Man, why are you always here? Don't you have a job?"

je0ng1n: i’m on break je0ng1n: taking a dump je0ng1n: ungrateful bitch

You brandish a middle finger to the camera. “Hope the dump sucks."

je0ng1n: HEY je0ng1n: don’t even joke about that :(

An involuntary cackle precedes your next words. “If you’re actually wondering, though, the only person who’s brought me fruit while I’m playing video games is indeed my mother. Heartbreaking, I know.”

At this, the steady flow of messages morphs into a gallery of depressed cat emoticons; your audience never fails to impress you with their way with words.

“But if someone other than your disappointed parent is bringing you fruit,” you go on, “they might as well get on one knee in the process, honestly. That's such an adorable, loving thing to do.”

Suddenly, the words MATCH FOUND splash across your monitor, and you move your cursor to accept the game invite—only to be met with a pop-up window and a familiar error sound that grates on your ears like screeching tires.

You know how this story ends: the lights in your mouse go dark, and you look on in dejected silence.

je0ng1n: LMFAOOOOO je0ng1n: bro’s mouse definitely just exploded again

“You guessed it," you sigh. “Hang tight for a sec, guys."

Half an hour ago, you could’ve sworn you heard sneakers being kicked off, a set of keys falling against plastic. Now, you pull one side of your headphones off and roll your chair a few feet backward, calling through your half-open door: “Lix, are you home?”

You pick up on a soft clunk that sounds like metal hitting wood—the cutting board, maybe?—and then your housemate's low, accented answer bounces off the walls of your shared hallway.

“Yeah, you alright?”

“The mouse,” you say helplessly.

“Ah.” It’s not the first time you’ve summoned him for this. “Be right there.”

A few seconds later, you remember to tack on a hurried disclaimer: “I’m live, by the way!”

“I know.”

This brings a bashful smile to your face, though the expression quickly turns to one of pure dismay when you return to your desk and witness the disastrous state of your chat.

Felix has become a regular guest on your stream by now, always popping in to show you a TikTok or ask for your opinion on a new pair of jeans or simply give your camera an awkward wave—but he may as well own your channel with how completely and unequivocally he has captured the hearts of your viewers. They’re convinced he’s the sexiest person to ever grace the earth, with his chiseled features and coffee-colored eyes; with a grin that could set entire estates on fire and a voice that could scrape the nadir of the Grand Canyon.

Do you agree? Absolutely.

Do you have any intention of voicing this sentiment, so long as you’re splitting rent with him? Absolutely the hell not.

Another of Jeongin’s messages—GET ME HIS NUMBER OR I GET VIOLENT—inspires you to minimize the stream window before Felix gets here. It’s for the best.

A few moments later, the door opens, and the air shifts inside your room. A hand comes to rest on the top of your head; a familiar silhouette appears in your periphery. There is a fond grin plastered across your face and a bright greeting sitting readily on the tip of your tongue.

But then, Felix places a plate of freshly cut fruit in the empty space to the left of your keyboard—here, he hums, the sound falling against the shell of your ear like a drop of melted chocolate. And the gears of your brain grind to a complete stop.

There is no further acknowledgment; no supplementary explanation for what he's just done. He simply picks up your mouse and gets to work.

The words of your tweet swim dizzyingly before your eyes, not unlike those halos of stars and birds that revolve around disoriented cartoon characters. And you’re suddenly, achingly aware of your roommate's arm nudging against yours as he tinkers away; of the aromas of vanilla and laundry detergent that always come with his proximity; of the heat that’s risen to your face, and the plethora of questions that have surfaced to your mind.

A soft huff of laughter follows a gentle utterance of your name, and you snap out of your trance. Felix’s eyes are glinting with amusement when you meet them.

“It’s been recalibrated,” he says, handing back your mouse. “Just give it a few minutes.”

Your fingertips brush over his palm when you accept the object, and even this blink of contact has your heart performing an elaborate hopscotch routine across the plane of your chest.

It’s either your mom, or…

“Thank you,” you mumble, finally retrieving your larynx from the bottom of the Atlantic.

“Anytime,” Felix returns, and you know he means it. “You need a duo, by the way?"

“Yes, please.”

He gives you a warm smile at this, and there’s a hint of something else—something new—in the curve of his lips. “Give me two.” And he’s gone as quickly as he'd come.

You will never know how Felix slips his phone out of his pocket the second he emerges from your room, his pulse hounding his ears as he turns a nervous gaze upon his screen.

There is now a supersonic blur of messages saturating your chatroom, a colorful cacophony of moving emotes and capital letters, but he is focused wholly on the person in front of the camera and how you slowly lift a hand to your mouth, deathly silent despite your every viewer demanding your comment on the matter, your sanguine cheeks visible even through the gaps of your fingers.

That is all he needs to know.

Felix sinks into the leather of his gaming chair and bends to power on his computer. Only after a deep breath blows past his lips does his smile start to stretch into a grin, every bit as embarrassed as it is relieved.

je0ng1n: no way je0ng1n: no fucking way je0ng1n: my heart fluttered je0ng1n: wtf je0ng1n: how’d you pull HIM??

y/nxx has removed je0ng1n as a moderator of this channel.

𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸? please consider reblogging, commenting, or sending me an ask to let me know; or, read my other works here. thanks so much for the support ♡

© 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘅 (est. 090323) · all works are pieces of original writing and all characters and relationships are purely fictional. please do not repost or reuse for any reason.

[streetkid-named-desire]

Top 10 Albums

Ooh this is a good one and probably gonna be mostly nostalgia because I never really listened to complete albums.

I was tagged by @merge-conflict and I am tagging @byberbunk2069 because I KNOW that bitch got albums.

These are not going to be in any particular order like by favorite or anything, just the first ones that really come up for me.

These first two are going to be multiple albums.

1. No Thanks! The 70s Punk Revolution

My mom got this for me for Christmas when I was 13 or 14 and it introduced to me old early punk. She yelled at me once for playing "Oh bondage, up yours!" by The X-Ray Specs too loud. I had already liked some 90s/00s punk from my sister and the radio and stuff I found on Limewire, but this really started it all. It came with a little booklet that had a little mini history and anecdotes about all the bands. I really liked Iggy Pop a lot.

Also, I thought I was hot shit and Different from other punks and would spend hours in a Yahoo IM punk music chatroom arguing with people older than me about what real punk music was.

2. This 15 disc set of 80s new wave I downloaded off of whatever torrent program

When I finally got my first iPod and iTunes was a thing, BitTorrent was also becoming more in vogue and replaced Limewire for me. I only torrented entire discographies. There was this 15 album set of 80s New Wave music. So, both of these compilations are very important because my taste in music will always be punk and 80s new wave at its core.

This set introduced me to Erasure (and so did my drum teacher), Army of Lovers, all the classic stereotypical 80s pop hits and even some dark wave bands!

3. The Postal Service - Give Up

This was one of the first albums I ever listened to all the way through. I listened to it on my CD player when I was flying to Minnesota to visit my online boyfriend when I was 16 to lose my virginity. (Don't ask, my mom let me get away with some weird ass shit). And it was the first album that made me realize, most albums should probably be listened to all the way through because they have a whole story. This one is about a guy dealing with a bad break up.

4. Reel Big Fish - Cheer Up!

I don't care if it makes my a ska poser, I love this album. I think it's one of the albums I bought with my own money from Hot Topic. I just love all the songs on it and loved the album art. Drunk Again is a song very near and dear to me. That and their cover of New York, New York are my favorites to absolutely belt out in the car.

5. Fatboy Slim - You've Come A Long Way Baby

One of THE first albums I EVER bought with my own money (okay when I say "own money" I mean my allowance). I had to have been 13-15? At the Fiesta Mall (RIP) Hot Topic in Arizona with one of my friends. One of the other albums I bought will be next.

I only like Right Here, Right Now, Rockafeller Skank, and In Heaven (still get "Fatboy Slim is fuckin' in heave / fuckin' in heaven / fuckin' in heaven" stuck in my head.)

6. Short Music for Short People - Fat Wreck Chords Compilation Album

The other CD I bought in that same shopping trip. I later would go on Limewire and find the full versions of songs. It introduced me to a lot of my fave punk bands and I still get some of the little bits stuck in my head from time to time.

It was a promotional album released by the studio Fat Wreck Chords. The gimmick was 101 artists with 30 second or less songs.

It also introduced me to Gwar!

Unfortunately, the album isn't on Spotify but a kind soul curated a playlist with all of the songs that were on the album.

7. Slipknot - Iowa

My first kinda real boyfriend gifted me this album and a custom mix CD that included songs like Seether by Veruca Salt, a song by Matthew Sweet I can't remember and some others. We watched Cabin Fever at his house. He held my hand walking me home and it was very sweaty and clammy. He eventually became my biggest bully at school lmao

I listened to this album all the time at school/on my way to school in middle school when I was depressed.

8. The Distillers - Coral Fang

A BFF I met in middle school who was SO fucking cool and always had funky makeup, she was never shy to express herself. I love her SO much. My first kiss with another girl was my other BFF who has been my BFF for the longest since we were like 8. And then the other one was the first girl I ever fooled around with. We were watching Totoro while she was fingering me in bed at her grandma's house. We also made out and she fingered me while watching Braveheart.

ANYWAY, she introduced me to this album on that same trip. I wanted to sing like Brody Dalle and always wanted her haircuts too.

An honorable mention here is Tribute by Tenacious D, we shared earbuds while listening to it on my CD player and swinging in the hammock on the roof during a nice breezy summer night.

9. Weezer - The Blue Album

I was a HUGE Weezer fan when I was younger and I'd draw their little funky W on all my notebooks next to the anarchy symbol lmao

This album just has the most songs I like. This, The Green Album, and Pinkerton were my faves.

You can find me at karaoke belting out Say It Ain't So.

10. Cake - Comfort Eagle

Shadow Stabbing was the opening track in the film Orange County and I really liked that move as a kid for some reason. I love Comfort Eagle, Fashion Nugget, and Pressure Chief about equally. But just like the Weezer album, this one had more songs I liked.

I was like top 0.1% of listeners for Cake on Spotify Wrapped for like three years in a row. I know all the lyrics to almost all of the songs on those three albums and probably have the most songs out of any artist on my driving playlist.

[disruptivevoib]

i send you a lot of asks. i guess this is why i made the sign off in the first place

anyway. i assume you are aware of darrell. how would the au souls react to darrell? (i think some of them need a therapy chicken)

--🍷🧡

SO.

Sky SocialClimb, community/fandom darling, is actually in the Cjverse Chatroom RP!

Of course this does not mean too much other than we have one singular canonical instance of Darrel, in the form of D4rr3ll, the AI Thirds chicken bot they built.

Unfortunately Allen, the AI Soul actually does not have any feelings in relation to D4rr3ll.... But Kai's (calamarispider) abstracted Mind, Loupe... absolutely ADORES D4rr3ll to no end.

As for my Soul's reactions to the chicken..

Twine (Sun Down) would probably be quite fond of the chick!! He would find Darrell silly. Twine has resting bitch face and is generally sarcastic but with animals he just kind of melts, I suppose. (Maintains his cool demeanor though, whatever that means.)

Calliope (Eleutheromania) is likely to be confused and puzzled. He's so.. uppity and focused all of the time I unfortunately do not think he'd regard Darrell with anything beyond a passing acknowledgement of "Oh. There's a chicken. Strange."

Pluto (Lacuna) is hardly there but for Darrell he would try a little harder. Pet the chicken.. hold him gently.

Purpose (1/2 of Labyrinths Soul) um. I mean. He acknowledges the bird, he will not ignore Darrell should she require pets. But... This bird will not make them Whole!!

Astray (Swap, Soul as Whole) would definitely pat the chicken, hold the chicken. I think in his more dazed state thats it. I think his iteration in which he remembers and is more "a person" he buys that chicken a Harness and trains it. Thats the Ennui influence above all.

BONUS:

Viscera (Swap Whole as Soul) Yea he'd love this little chicken. Vis seems like a bird and rabbit guy. He likes birds, he likes rabbits.

--

I do technically have two other Souls? Er. Scratch that. Three :]

But they're all in the works!!

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

Dukexiety friends to lovers... But make it long distance!

They met on a chatroom when they were fourteen (stay safe out there kids) and Remus liked Virgil's profile theme so he DMed him. Remus is very persistent in becoming friends so they become closer and closer throughout the years.

Remus sees Virgil's descendent into his final form (emo) and Virgil sees Remus switch between phases and aesthetics in an instant (bros too fluid to stick with one 100%, send tweet).

They're on call late into the night; Remus is an insomniac and Virgil's just a night owl so they're up until the early hours of the morning playing video games and watching YouTube or shows together. Their parents have to come in a few times over the years asking them to quiet down because everyone else is trying to sleep. (Their parents have never seen them laugh so hard until they were on call together.)

They text when Virgil gets panic attacks. Remus doesn't just pick up and respond when Virgil is having one, he responds IMMEDIATELY. He calls and, while it's not the same and not a one-off fix, it helps.

Virgil complains about bullies, Remus threatens to kill them. Threatens to cyber bully them actually 100% /gen about it too. Virgil says thanks but no thanks. Remus complains about his bullies but more so in the cocky "they just don't get how cool I am" way. Virgil finds it funny. He agrees.

They tease each other about where they're from, be it different states in the US or different countries in the world. "You call it what???" "Hell no, you're wrong! It's called this!" type of stuff.

They fall asleep on call together. Virgil has been jittery since a panic attack hours ago and Remus is more than happy to sit on the phone with him to "watch the room" and make sure he's safe to go to bed.

They get each other gifts. Just stick in each other's addresses instead of theirs for the gift.

Also copious amounts of door dash for each other. That way they can eat together, even when it's late or whatever time it is for them.

Finally, when they're eighteen and when they have enough money, they make the connection.

Remus is coming to visit Virgil (they decided it because Virgil was anxious about actually going on a plane, meanwhile Remus wanted to watch Final Destination). And Virgil is waiting for him, in the one outfit he knows Remus thinks is a good look.

Virgil almost falls over when Remus finally gets him in a hug. And they both maybe cry a little bit. Virgil's makeup is ruined; Remus would say the same except he likes how it looks.

Virgil's family is VERY excited to meet Virgil's best friend in person and Virgil himself is shocked by Remus' politeness. He smiles, doesn't cuss, says yes ma'am/sir no ma'am/sir — really buttering up the parents. And of course Remus is staying with them. Of course.

Platonic (.... ehhhhh) cuddles. They play games together in person. Late nights up together in person.

It's one of those late nights that it happens. They're both really tired and maybe a little drunk or high and one thing leads to another and they kiss. And at first it's shocking but it doesn't register as scary (at least not to Virgil) and then they kiss. a lot. Nothing further. But just a lot of "oh my god I can't believe I get to do this I've wanted to do this for ages."

The next morning is a little awkward but the cuddles are far far more intense. They cuddle and they kiss and talk and oh shit they've had crushes on each other for how long??? And they're only just now talking about it?

The goodbyes again when Remus has to go home? They're hard. Really hard. They hold each other like they'll never see each other again. They obviously will and they'll be on the phone the whole time but it's hard.

Good thing they're seeing each other again in two months :)

— 👑

S O B B I N G that's S O fucking cute P L E A S E!!! It's really sweet to see that they basically grew up together online and how close and caring they are for one another <3 (Ree can and will either slice a bitch through a screen or get Vee's bullies banned on all platforms if needed XD) Also I'm cackling at the fact that they're so oblivious to their crush on the other as if the intense cuddling and kissing weren't the main signs XD But of course the spooky beloveds can happily reunite two months later and do it all over again <3

[beautifulpersonpeach]

The SM-Jessica special? That's interesting. Do you really think there's something SM did to set up and blacklist MHJ the way they did for Jessica?

***

Lol Anon,

You might as well be asking me if water is wet. There's no need to even work to come up with a conspiracy, you just have to be aware of very recent history that is public information. I mean, think about it. JYJ from TVXQ remain effectively blacklisted 20 years later (even though they have made the most remarkable improvement in the last five years), while Yunho and Changmin maintain a thriving career and spotless reputation (despite occasional whispers on k-blogs that are promptly deleted); Kris Wu from EXO, when the allegations were first made against him, he pointed out how the first girl from the Chinese chatroom had obtained the highest clearance access to him that would've been impossible without ridiculously high financial backing (he's still a rapist so it doesn't matter, but still); you already know what happened to Jessica. There's a reason SM Entertainment has earned a reputation of being the absolute worst of all the top k-pop agencies in Korea, for the entirety of the company's existence.

More recently, during the EXO-CBX slave contract scandal, an anonymous staff blind from SM posted on gossip blogs asserted that Chen, Baekhyun, and Xiumin were extremely entitled and ungrateful fuck-ups who trampled on the other staff at SM - it was a massive and effective hit job (link to the blind here - translation here). In Korea there's chatter about how the change in sentiment against CBX due to that letter, was likely a factor in the trio quickly reaching an agreement with SM.

And then there's Min Heejin. Consider how she said when the allegations were first made, her response was that the pictures of "naked children" on her wall were a gift from a friend, that they weren’t even hers and that the claim she's a pedophile was completely absurd. Very normal and expected claims from someone who wanted to defend herself. Likely an excuse. What she didn't say though, was who that friend was. That was answered less than a week later when an SM employee (with a posting history spanning years and not a burn account), posted a blind that she was the one who presented the pictures to Min Heejin and even took it upon herself to hire help to hang up the pictures on her wall, as a present to MHJ, her dear friend, who she had a history of posting about (MHJ) as a bitch, a whore, and the parasite who stood in her way of advancing at SM... There was fairly normal chatter from the Koreans in the comment section of that post, but everybody understood what happened. The next day that post and the account that made it were deleted.

Lol.

Shinwha has been the only group to somewhat escape SM and remain fairly independently successful, but the company has also done everything to make sure that's not repeated for anyone else. Including Min Heejin. Who chose to work at HYBE, of all places. Remember that tomfoolery about the "Pink Bloods"? I promise you Chris Lee and several staff think in very tribal terms about their business culture. And this is something that's widely assumed and accepted on the k-side.

Of course, none of this information really makes it to the international side. Or people note it in bits and pieces that may or may not be properly translated or shown to carry the right weight. Either way, there's a natural information barrier between Korean and international fandoms, there's Korean fans of rival groups who wouldn't want this to spread, in favour of the current narrative against MHJ and it's easy to see how SM can use this to their advantage. Also, the competitiveness inherent to k-pop ensures that so long as NewJeans is the top girl group, they are deserving of the worst and most dehumanizing handicap in k-pop: the ick factor of pedophilia.

I mean, I saw in real time how k-pop stans were in love with NewJeans precisely up till the moment the pre-order numbers for their debut album was released and was on pace to break records set by any other debut at the time. The moment that happened people started looking for anything to detract from the group, there were even bullying accusations started for Minji randomly on naver but ofc it never gained traction because only a few hours later, an account that hadn't posted since February 2022 suddenly posted a a massive thread about how the pictures on Min Heejin's wall on her Instagram (which had been posted for months without incident) were actually proof she's secretly a pedophile, therefore, NewJeans should be boycotted, hated, and shunned or MHJ should abandon working with NewJeans. This is a narrative they will never let up because it's easy to use, extremely damaging, and cruel. It's why:

none of the groups Min Heejin worked on as Creative Director while at SM, such as SHINee, f(x), NCT Dream and NCT more broadly, Red Velvet, etc, are treated as 'created with pedophilia in mind' the way it's applied to NewJeans, even though they ascribe to MHJ every portion of responsibility for the song and artist, as though it's all her work;

Also, why is it that the whole team of people who worked with MHJ at SM, many with known public sordid histories, people whose choices would've certainly shown in the work as well - why aren't they awarded even a sliver of attention or responsibility? That's how we have people believing the lyrics for Ice Cream Cake by Red Velvet were under the direction of graphic designer and CD MHJ.... Like, seriously lmao. Going by her job description, her involvement would’ve began and ended in the styling and overall art direction of the group and MV. It's one of the most iconic MVs in k-pop btw.

even they admit that MHJ is singlehandedly responsible for creating our current idea of "concepts" in k-pop. N.B: the idea that a conceptual thematic for a group, debut, and comeback should be centered around one central idea - it was established and promoted by MHJ in SM which helped establish SM as a formidable company in the Big3. Most of the classics from SM were overseen by MHJ;

It's also why names like Park Jin-young, Yang Hyun-suk, and Yoo Young-jin are names you might prolly feel the need to google to be certain of who they are, despite three of them being three of the biggest names in k-pop, certified male creeps with known public histories of drooling over teen girls on camera while being the right-hand man for a guy wanted by Interpol as in the case of YYJ (and then debuting minor groups); disbanding their groups and having sex with them while underage and then later marrying them as in the case of YG, installing cameras in their bathrooms and then debuting a group like Treasure and BabyMonster; taking minors to R Kelly's house and then debuting them with his partnership as in the case of JYP, and then debuting Wonder Girls, Itzy, NMIXX with minors and questionable approaches... and yet none of these groups are expected to be boycotted to punish their 'creepy CEO'. Even though all three men are heavily involved in their companies and in managing their groups, including in creative direction, and they take ownership of that work... they’re not treated with the same venom left for MHJ, even their groups' works aren't judged as being the product of those men alone (a reasonable assumption), the way it's done for MHJ with NewJeans (an unreasonable assumption).

To hurt the opposing fandom and group is the point for a lot of fans here, unfortunately. And that’s why k-pop stans will continue to push the pedophilia label on NewJeans and MHJ. It’s something I said as soon as their pre-release order numbers dropped before debut. Just given the nature of the threat NewJeans poses to every girl group, *and* the fact they’re from HYBE, guarantees they will always be hated by majority of k-pop stans.

I do have to mention there's many honest to goodness earnest k-pop stans who think they're genuinely exposing a danger to society, and while they could be right, most of the allegations against MHJ simply do not hold up under intense scrutiny, by my standards at least. And even if she is a criminal and a freak, I wouldn't care anyway the way I don't care now for YYJ, YG, and JYP - bonafide groomers and creeps, managing their groups till now.

That's just the fact.

And y'all already know how I feel about Cookie lol.

[an-ambivalent]

Bro why is the dating scene so fucking dry 😭😭 I CANT. Im so tired of these dry asf and tedious talking stages going nowhere ☠️☠️ these men seem to have no talking or dsting skills. Like NO i do not wanna come to ur fucking house for a first date and stay over night u dumb bitch.

Honestly MC in mystic messenger was so real. I used to think she was stupid for just going to a random flat whatever but with how expensive the rent is rn, I'd do that too. Then, if I was in a random chatroom and I vibed with the a rich single ceo with his dry humour and cute cat, I too would also go to his place and just go with the romance that flows so i dont have to bother with boring and dry talking stages any longer.

I understand her now 😞

[plastikov5]

People are much more conditional and sensitive to weakness now than before. This post is similar to my earlier post about how you can't break the rules of reciprocity any more.

There is basically 0 tolerance now for any kind of weirdness or imperfection. Some people will claim to be unorthodox or unconditional but when tested they are extremely conditional and cruel. Show any weakness toward them and they will attack you ruthlessly.

The world has become like the ghetto schoolyard.

I imagine these changes come from the increasing political and social instability around us, which makes people insecure. So these people, in this time of crisis, are looking for others who are stable and reliable. There is less tolerance for outliers or those who can't provide in some sense or another.

I first noticed this around 2018 with women. They were much more picky. They didn't care if I was intellectual, interesting, or weird.

Then I noticed it in a chatroom I was in. The guys were really mad that I didn't get a job. And they would flip the fuck out if I didn't talk in a "cool" way. Who cares if I don't have a job? Who cares how I talk, so long as my communication is clear and moral. Like women, they were looking for security.

And that's why I have a problem. I'm not interested in interacting with people who are so insecure. But I guess to an extent everyone is suffering from the conditions we're living under so I can't blame them. Even I am, now. Already I am being starved and poisoned. Maybe I will start acting like a bitch too. But I really I want to talk to a real human. Someone who is my equal or better.

I pretended to be very strong and aesthetic on my plastikov accounts at first to get more followers (hoping this would eventually get me in touch with more unconditional people). Women responded positively, as I expected. Now that I've given up the charade everyone has grown cold.

The mindless, cruel, and conditional masses all hate me now. They don't want intellect or truth, they want RESULTS, FUN, BENEFITS.

Ok, so if I want people to like me and interact with me without providing them anything, isn't that selfish? Aren't I robbing them of their precious time? Here's the thing. I do provide something, but it's not in the typical consumption-popularity paradigm. I provide the truth, which matters.

But tumblr isn't a truth-seeking space, it's a consumption space. It's littered with little cults because the people here don't want to think, they want to follow and be provided for. That's probably why nobody even wants to try the simple of experiment of putting their hand on their head to SEE if they feel different. They want to be TOLD how to feel. Or they will try the experiment only as part of a group, which proves to them that it's safe and beneficial.

[throatcoat]

//chapter 13// //ghosting, literally//

it was close to the winter break and i was spending the holiday in the high school commons laying out styrofoam plates and utensils on the blue table tops. the smell of scalloped potatoes and some sort of meat filled my nose, leaving me nauseated. more than half the town would be there any moment, and more than anything, i wanted everything to be over with already. my face hurt, and i could feel the bruises starting on my puffy eyelids. sighing, i sit at an empty table, staring at the tiger's portrait. my stomach hurt, and i felt like i needed to vomit.

the day before, my eyes were so swollen from tears that i could not see. it had been a week since i last heard from jeremy, a week since my messages no longer were able to be delivered and i had zero clue why i had gotten blocked. that morning though, i finally got an answer in the form of an unknown number and a little girl voice on the other end.

i met him a week after i had turned 12, exploring chatrooms out of boredom and loneliness. i spent most of my time in one that was centered around art, meant for teens, but just as filled with creeps. it did not deter me. on one particular tough night, i found myself replying to some kid asking if anyone else liked the video game kirby. we clicked instantly, and suddenly i had my very first true best friend. jeremy and i connected on a lot, but mostly out of two shared commonalities- severe depression and being bullied. neither of us really had friends- the day we met, some kid had knocked his front tooth out and he told me that he planned on never smiling again. that day, i had a boy ask me out as a prank, sure, not as physically painful as a missing tooth, but the humiliation was familiar.

i lost my best friend before we even turned 16. at first, i thought it was a lie, a prank, and it was not until a few years later that i found myself scouring the internet for proof, anything. a short obituary, the mention of a small memorial for a 15 year old who had a whole life ahead of him. aside from his sisters jumbled and quick phone call, i did not want to believe it, and sometimes, i think being catfished would have made the whole thing a bit more acceptable. a year prior, i had lost nathan, and now here i was, once again mourning in the same cafeteria. the accessibility to a rope and a tree was way too easy.

my fingers trembled as i pushed myself up from the table, i had a few more settings to lay but i felt too sick. i dropped the pile of plates in my hand and rushed to the bathroom. i did not know if i was going to vomit or cry or both or neither but i just needed to get out of there. the smell of the potatoes and old women's perfume was becoming overbearing. i sat in the same stall i always found myself in when having a panic attack, the one that had my named carved into the door by some bitch with a problem. i gulped down air as my fingers traced over the crude carving. a reminder that i was real, or at least existed to others outside of the crowded hallways of my brain. even if it was not a gentle one, it was still something to ground me to the earth a little bit.

my head in the toilet bowl, arms almost buckling, i think about how there is a blizzard in minnesota and it has made it's way all the way over to washington state. my heart was frozen, i was cold. grief feels a lot like hypothermia. like locking yourself out of your house as the temperature dips below freezing- you did not expect to be outside for long so you never bothered with putting a coat on. teeth chattering and toes curling in on themselves, there is no one there to warm you up quickly.

i told two people about his suicide.

the first was one of my real life friends, a simple, "that's unfortunate."

the second was my mother, who could only talk about how my dad lost a friend in the way at the same age. she thought it was selfish.

i learned to hold the grief in, i think jeremy was a lesson on the fact that you are the the only person who can save yourself, and sometimes saving yourself is really just drowning until someone else reaches in and pulls you out. sometimes, we are too late and we think the drowned person is just floating, lazy in the sun, we don't see their blue face bobbing half way out.

i keep finding myself staring into every body of water i come across, the lakes, the river, the long island sound. i don't know what i expect to be staring back, all i know is that the water scares me and i can not swim. i guess he didn't know how to swim either.

[mwdthroughoutdigitalmedia]

Blog Post #5 - Incels' Influence on the MWD

By Katie O

A man asks a young, conventionally beautiful, ‘untouched’ woman out on a date. The woman rejects the man, and unlike most men who would move on, this man will take the rejection very personally. He finds that he is often rejected by women and starts to resent these women for it. He finds a community on Reddit—r/incel—and reads through the many posts on it. He finds other angry, ashamed men, crucifying the women who rejected them, calling the women b*tches, sl*ts, c*nts. He starts to think the same of the women he rejected, he starts making posts of his own. He becomes an incel.

What this man has done is he has turned what he once viewed as a Madonna—a pure and beautiful young woman—into a Wh*re, all because she rejected him. Although it sounds irrational, this blatant misogynistic view has increasingly grown popular on the internet; the incel community. Incel means ‘involuntarily celibate’ and there has been a strong correlation seen between incels and misogyny and general hatred towards the world in general.

Incels tend to believe that they are entitled to sex, especially because of modern-day society’s obsession with sex and the belief that everyone must participate. Because of this, incels believe that they have a right to sex, and for them to have sex they must have a woman participating. Incels begin to believe that they are not only entitled to sex but entitled to women’s bodies, likely the reasoning behind why they become so irrationally angry when women reject them (but what woman wouldn’t).

Incels’ upholding of the MWD doesn’t just stop at sex, these men will often, of course, desire relationships as well, and usually very traditional ones at that. They will usually believe that a woman’s first and foremost job is to have children and be a homemaker. They may want a woman to submit to them. They will often believe that it is their right to rape and abuse their wife if they so choose, justifying it (usually) through religion and far-right beliefs. This is what they believe to be the perfect Madonna; a beautiful young, untouched woman who will completely and wholly submit to their partner. 

Only a small percentage of men identify as incels or participate in the community, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have a massive effect on society. The messages spread through these chatrooms ripple out to many other parts of the internet and reach an abundance of men. For example, the use of the word ‘slut’ has been on the rise in the last two decades along with the rise of incels (the same being true for the words ‘whore’ and ‘bitch’ in the last few years). There’s also been a significant rise of misogyny and toxic masculinity in recent years, especially in conservative groups. Think about the backlash and laws currently being passed that go against drag queens and transgender people—essentially an attack on women who were assigned male at birth embracing their femininity, or men embracing femininity in general.

Although the MWD is a centuries-old concept created by Sigmund Freud, it still has legs and is present throughout almost all aspects of society today. Oftentimes, it feels as though there’s little hope about the future of our world. With the discussed aspects in my five-part blog series—Disney, child stars, social media, and incels—-among the many other issues not listed, it’s impossible to know where or how to start. What I have been trying to do is not just to educate people on this matter, but also to empower people to make change. It’s easy to feel powerless in modern society, as it feels as though there’s little one can do to help, but any small step towards the liberation of women from the MWD is a necessary one. Whether it’s voting, talking to sexist family and friends, discoursing with other feminists, or starting a blog of your own, no change is too small. Never let men make you feel powerless in today’s society.

[crescentmp3]

‮

[ghostofyaz]

Fanfic Appreciation [Meme?]

"FANFIC APPRECIATION MEME

Post recommendations for your ten favourite fanfics and tag the authors if possible. Tell us what you like about their work.

Tag five people of your choice to do the meme too."

I was tagged by @heroinejinx

Tagging all authors mentioned here and whoever sees this.

I did 15 because no one is the boss of me and I wanted to mention them all.

Lightcannon (Jinx/Lux aka my otp)

100 Beautiful and Ugly Words by elocuentelegance on Ao3 - This one got me addicted to Lightcannon as a ship. No happy ending, no end. But it's still so well written and satisfying to read in a sort of masochistic way.

Friction Coefficient by @blood-lich-crow - College AU, bad girl/good girl enemies to lovers. The descriptions and inner dialogues of the characters as well as their interactions, angst, and chemistry are so good. Plus there's a smutty side fic.

I Am the Thing with the Teeth that Lives in the Walls by @questionablecuttlefish - Gothic Horror with a scary haunted mansion and lesbians? Hell yes.

Love has all the Answers by TieDyeKing on Ao3 - Just a cute Modern AU in which Jinx and Lux are both SO into each other but just so oblivious and it's honestly adorable.

A Piltover Student in Demacia by @natdammit - I never got around to reading the CaitVi-centric part but this was so absolutely perfect. Powder is such a brave and crazy genius like she should've gotten the chance to be and she and Lux are so perfect together there is so much world-building and an amazing plot.

My Obsession, a Yandere's Tale by @cannibalelf - Sort of a Smut Crackfic, it's some of the most fun and hottest things I've ever read. Told from Lux's POV, a totally obsessed horny bastard. They also have soft moments sometimes.

Piltover's Prep Bullying Problem by Tanis_Zed on Ao3 - Another smut crackfic with Lux as a complete sub-masochist and Jinx as a bad bitch with anger management issues who's actually a softie. Good stuff.

A Bad Night by Vixie on Ao3 - Very kinky breathplay but it's honestly kind of sweet.

Lightcannon, but Star Guardians:

Don't Lose My Number by StarCola on Ao3 - A literal SG classic, the attention to detail on the formatting and also the characterization and storytelling through the chatroom medium are stunning.

Crossing Stars by @calchexxis - I think this is a work of art, like all of their works honestly. But I think this one isn't as talked about and it's so amazing... It has action, drama, mystery, feels, angst, it's so good... oh, not to mention four words: 'In every single dream.'

Leaving Safe Places by @ghostcairo173 - Very sweet first part, and then the second one hits you with the angst and scary vibe. They are just so cute together and I adore the way the friends-to-lovers is depicted.

Birds and Boats by @mira-blue - The first SG LC I read. It's very cute and the characters feel so real, love it so much.

Oroborus by @kattypixxhu - This is honestly just such a poetic and emotional smut piece I was obsessed when I read it.

Special CaitVi Mention:

Butterflies don't Belong in Zoos by AmberZ10 on Ao3 - Modern Popstar AU, it kinda inspired my B.I.G. Feelings fic with Jinx's characterization. The way it incorporates songs is brilliant, and the plot is very compelling.

Special CaitJinx Mention:

'A proper drink' by @heroinejinx - It doesn't feel so much like a crackship when I read this, they make so much sense, and they're so cute together. I love the angst and the guilt they both feel and how still that doesn't stop them, it's just perfect. Makes me wanna read more CaitJinx heh.

[luvcherry]

Chatroom [3] ◇

Semi-Dark!Natasha Romanoff x Reader 3rd POV. Word Count: 7.9k.

Part Two || Part Four

Chatroom Masterlist

Summary: Y/n is more than half-way through the semester when she is confronted with too many things that leave her confused.

Warnings: angst, manipulation/gaslighting, arguing, relationship that is slowly becoming toxic, smut: somnophilia, sort of dubcon.

A/N: I haven't been active lately but I'm working on something for July that I hope everyone will enjoy! I have no taglist for this but if you want to be tagged in all updates regarding Chatroom send me an ask, message, or just leave it in the notes that you want to be tagged!

☆・*。

The first semester going by faster than Y/n expected. Homecoming had came and went and midterms were quickly approaching. It's almost surprising how smoothly things are going in her life. Y/n is slowly, but surely, learning to not freak out so much when it comes to midterms and other major tests and papers. Some of the change had to do with advice from Natasha, but a larger part of it was seeing her roommate be so strict school without giving herself any sort of break. Y/n wasn't allowed to have her friends visit her from the hours of 3pm to 5pm, and the lamp on her desk had to be off by 10. While Y/n was never that strict, some of the traits her roommate possess made Y/n feel like she was looking into a mirror. She doesn't want to come off ass so high-strung over such asinine things which made her readjust her behavior towards work and play. Y/n thought her roommate was being ridiculous but she didn't say anything to her. Confrontation is not her thing as she fears coming off as a bitch.

But once her roommate was sleep, (which she routinely fell asleep at 10:30 almost every single night), Y/n was under her blanket, ignoring the heat of the laptop searing into her thighs and she was online talking to Natasha. That's all she did on the laptop and Natasha teased her for it. She didn't care to explore any other part of the internet even though Natasha sent her a few links to a website called 'YouTube'. She sent her comedy skits which Y/n really didn't get, but she loved when Natasha sent her song saying it reminded her of Y/n. Y/n didn't know the songs but she would google the lyrics, even going as far as writing down some of those most significant lyrics in her planner.

Y/n was lucky to have a class that was originally scheduled for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday that only met on Monday. It left her Wednesday and Friday mornings open until she had a class at 1 o'clock. She'd stay up to obscene hours on Tuesday and Thursday night just talking to Natasha. After the little video she sent, Natasha wanted to see more from her. "You're so gorgeous like this. I love how shy and sweet you are, but I love this side of you just as much or maybe even more."

Even though it was hard to understand how anyone could find her sexy, she loved the feeling it gave her when Natasha said she was hot. Her hesitancy melted away with every new video she recorded. Stroking herself and showing her body off wasn't so bad when the person she's sending the videos only has sweet things to say. Her face just heats up when she randomly thinks about some of the things she sent to her girlfriend. She isn't at the point where she says anything dirty though; the thought of those words leaving her mouth makes her squirm.

'How have u been lately? Is school goin good?'

'Yea! My classes are great and I've been hanging out with Cindy and Amy some more. I don't think Cindy likes her sorority because she hasn't been keen on partying lately which is rare for her so they haven't been dragging me to parties lately which is great because we just get to hangout with each other

And it's not that hot out anymore! I love campus in the fall because all the trees start to change colors and it looks beautiful.

The only thing that's annoying me now is my roommate. I pray she magically studies abroad next semester or drops out'

'lol I highly doubt she will drop out but maybe u should sneak a study abroad phamplet under her pillow

I'm sorry you have a shitty roommate. She seems like a wet blanket'

'Yea but thats probably how my friends use to see me'

'no way...u r not a control freak like ur roommate is.

and even if u were its okay now because u r totally different from when we started talkin and when we met'

'Really?'

'of course! No offense but u use to be a little uptight lol but I knew it was bc of how you grew up. I was like that before and needed someone to mellow me out

I knew u just needed someone to help u out and I wanted to be that person

but u always been incredibly smart and u still study ur ass off lol but I can tell how much more confident u r!! ur not that super shy girl I use to talk to on chatzy I'm proud that I've had a hand in you change. Ur amazing and I'm proud of u!!!'

Y/n paused, reading the sentence over and over again until her eyes were almost glazing over. The only people who have said they were proud of her were her parents, grandparents, her high school sophomore English teacher, and the old lady who lived down the street from her parent's home. However it is a completely different feeling when Natasha says it. Her words didn't seem like an obligatory statement. Instead it is one that is more heartfelt.

'Thank you...

I just hope things get better. It's hard living with someone who acts like they fucking hate you even if you didn't do anything...'

'have u tried talking to her?'

'No...I'm kind of nervous to do so. She's harmless but scary at the same time, you know?'

'I get it

maybe you can do a roommate change next semester? I'm not sure how they do it at ur school but when I was in school we could switch our roommates the first two weeks of the sem.'

'Maybe I don't know I will look into it but I have not clue who's dorm I would relocate to.'

'hope it all works out honey <3

anyway, what are you gettin up to this weekend?'

'Not sure. Cindy and I were going to hang out but she might have an event to go to. If we don't hang out I'll probably spend my weekends studying like usual.

What do you have planned? I bet it's better than potentially studying all weekend haha'

It's the little things like being asked about her day or asking how Natasha's day was that made this all feel very real. The intimate moments were surreal, almost like a sweet daydream her Catholic middle school teacher would have chastised her for. When she didn't want to feel some of the lingering guilt about lying to not only her parents, but her friends, Y/n lets her mind slip to the more tamer, but nice things.

'truuuuust me I am not going to be doing anything fun this weekend

I'm taking on more things at work so I can have a few days off next week.

speaking of next week I need to ask you somethin...'

'I get so nervous when people say something like that haha

What is it?'

'well the reason why I am doing all this work this weekend is so I can have some days off next week is because it's my birthday next week

thursday to be exact

and my friends are planning this trip for me which i know u wont be able to join us since u have school and everything but we r having a party the day after we get back which is on saturday

I really really reeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyy want u to come'

Y/n was so caught up in the joys of just simply being in a relationship that she forgot about going over the little details of each other with Natasha. Small things about learning each other's favorite color, what's their favorite movie genre, and things are not so small like each other's birthdays' went undiscussed until now. It didn't help that they were separated with no communication for half of the time they've been together so far. She feels bad for not being more attentive enough to ask when her girlfriend's birthday was. She opened Natasha's profile in a new tab and right there on her page was her birth date, which only made Y/n feel worse. It was right in her face but she was so caught up in her own life that those things hadn't crossed her mind.

She can't say no. There is no way she can say no. There is nothing either of her friends could invite her to that would make her say no to this. It would be a last minute trip but she had been saving the money her parents deposited into her bank accounts for a possible trip to the city. She's been saving for a trip, but didn't expect it to be under these pretenses.

'Of course! I'm assuming it's going to be at your apartment :)?'

'actually it's going to be at my friend's Bucky's apartment

u remember him right?

he was the one who owned that comic book shop I took you to

his apartment is so much bigger than mine and it'll fit all of our friends'

Y/n remembered her encounter with Bucky. She didn't know that to make of it, especially since Natasha didn't talk about him after that day when they met. She doesn't want to judge him because that is Natasha's friend, but he said things to Y/n that left her puzzled by him.

'I'd love to come! You'll have to send me the address!'

'perfect!!!

cant wait to see u and introduce u to my friends

and don't worry ur pretty lil head bc I know ur probably worrying about if they will like u but u r perfect and they will love'

Despite the self-doubt Y/n constantly swims in, she is incredibly smart. However blinding taking everything Natasha says as the truth is dangerous. Something nags at her, telling her that someday things may not go as smoothly as Natasha always promises. But, she assures herself, things will go right just like they have every they're together so far.

-

As Amy speaks to her, all Y/n can think about how Friday is quickly approaching. It makes her feel so shallow to be mulling over what's she's going to wear, but she's going to be meeting Natasha's friend as her girlfriend. Y/n feels like it's sort of like meeting the parents without all the formalities but the pressure gives her the same anxious feeling it would give anyone else.

Not only is she worried about coming off as immature because of her young age, but she worries that she'll say something to embarrass herself. It's irrational to think that Natasha would dump her because of simply misspeaking but it had crossed her mind and it almost made her sick.

Her problems seemed to pile on when she realized she had nothing to wear to a party that won't be filled with drunk 20-something-year-olds. She could ask to borrow something from Amy but her friend is talking a mile a minute about something related to cheer.

"The games have been amazing. It's a totally different experience when you're on the field and seeing the giant crowd from below."

"I bet."

"You know," that change in her tone scared Y/n a little bit. Anytime Amy gets a little inquisitive, she was surely in for a long of questioning that's going to make her uncomfortable, "you know how I mentioned how Luke asked me about you?"

"Yea?"

"Well he told me he saw you at the game."

Y/n feels goosebumps form on her skin. If Luke saw her then he saw her with Natasha. They were clearly together and even were holding hands at one point.

"He said it looks as if you were having fun. It's about time you're enjoying yourself and enjoying college! It's hard not to get caught up in the spirit of everything when everyone is so damn excited."

Y/n nods, still a little shook up. Amy doesn't look like she's holding something back from her. The only thing that is her saving grace is that maybe Luke didn't see her and that he just said that because he may or may mot have a crush on her. Him asking her friend about her is a tale-tell sign that something is up. Y/n wouldn't put it past him to lie just for an opportunity to get more information about Y/n from her friends. She finds it so odd that he has a crush on her, but there was also a time when she thought it was impossible for Natasha to like her more as a friend. Luke is nice but she has Natasha and that's all she needs.

"He said you were with some woman," Amy mentioned the detail as if it was small and insignificant. She wasn't even looking at Y/n; she was trying to fix her key change and she isn't able to see the look of panic on Y/n's face as she racks her brain for any excuse that will work.

"That was some lady who helped show me to my seat! She just so happened to be in the same row as me."

The nervous laugh and weirdly cheery voice she used to make herself seem as cool and collected as possible should have raised a red flag for Amy, but Y/n is lucky that it didn't. She just nodded in understanding. It's common for strangers at these games to bond over rooting for the same team. Y/n doesn't know that because that was her first time at a football game and she has never been immersed in sports culture. Her father likes to golf but finds a sport like football too violent, and baseball and basketball boring. She was never forced into sports, recreational or competitive, and she was grateful for that because she suspects that she's accident prone.

"You should come to the basketball games when it's finally basketball season. I always enjoyed watching those games more than football games."

"Maybe."

"Luke plays on the team. He's not the best player but he isn't a bench warmer so you'd be able to see him play."

"I'm not interested in him Amy."

"Why not!?" She whined as if this was affecting her, "he's cute, plays basketball, and he wants to he an engineer. He's also funny but not a hardcore partier which is perfect for you"

"I'm not interested in him. I haven't even met him! The fact that he keeps asking you about me instead of talking to me is kind of weird. I'm not intimidating."

"Eh he's just nervous you will reject."

"Well he's right to be nervous because I will."

"Don't be like that! You're finally opening up and I think you should start dating soon."

"I'll do it when I'm ready."

Y/n feels bad for keeping this from Amy and Cindy. They wouldn't judge her but she isn't ready to share this part of her life yet. It's selfish but she's justified in it. She finally feels like her life is normal and not restricted. Her friends are great but keeping this from them right now keeps the pressure off of her. She is just taking her time and enjoying what she has with Natasha. No one is going to sabotage that, especially not some boy named Luke.

-

Y/n has no clue what to wear. She can't repeat her outfit from when Natasha came visit, especially since it's more casual. What do people wear to birthday parties when they're adults? Jeans and a t-shirt won't cut it but it's also not super formal.

Y/n is aware that she is too wrapped up in trying to impress Natasha's friends so they like and approve of her. All she thought about in class was what she would wear, how her hair should look, and how she will act. She'll be heading to the city in a matter of hours and somehow she wants to change everything about herself to fit in when she doesn't even know what she's fitting into. Not all of Natasha's friends are going to be like Bucky she suspects, but she doesn't know what they're going to be like.

It's been a few days since she and Natasha talked since her girlfriend was on vacation with friends. Y/n doesn't know where she is going and who she is with but she hopes that Natasha had fun. It stung a little bit that she wasn't able to go because she's bound by school. She was reduced to feeling like she was a high schooler again instead of being a sophomore in college; she is not a child anymore but she also isn't an adult.

After her last class ended, Y/n rushed back to her dorm to get ready. The obscene amount of credit hours she took her freshman year and the GPA she had blessed her with being able to stay in a better dorm that was mostly upperclassmen which meant her and her roommate had their own bathroom in their dorm. She could get ready without the added anxiety of having to use the community bathrooms. The skirt she dug out from her container of clothes was something she was able to miraculously get her mother to buy for her. It stops right below her knees but it's easy to roll up and make the skirt shorter. She seen Cindy do it all the time before going to one of the frat parties; Y/n never thought it would be her doing the same thing.

Her reflection in the mirror looks decent, the best she could do on such a short notice. Y/n stared at herself and tried to imagine herself in the setting of Natasha's party, talking to her friends and having a good time. She has no clue what Bucky's apartment looks like but she fills in the gaps in her head. She sees herself with a glass of something alcoholic in her hands as she's laughing along to something one of Natasha's friends just said. Maybe she cracks a joke or two that makes them all laugh. Natasha is next to her, arm around her waist, and the love is palpable.

That is how she hopes things go, in fact she is desperate for it.

Y/n sits on the train with the directions Natasha gave her scribbled on a piece of paper stuffed in her purse. She purposely wrote it on the back of her biology notes so she could study for a test on the to ride from the city. Pulling herself out of the mode of being a diligent student 24/7 is tough. However her nerves made it hard for her to concentrate on her own words. Instead she studied the address, going over the mental photo she memorized off of google maps. The last thing she needs is to get lost on such an important night and freaking her girlfriend out when she doesn't show up for her birthday party.

"You seem distracted."

The voice tugs her eyes away from the paper and it's an older woman. She has a blue bag sitting on the floor next to her with a big umbrella that has it's obnoxious neon colors muted by the water still on it from the rain. Y/n doesn't want to be rude but strangers talking to her make her squirm. It's a symptom of how she was raised and mostly because of the social anxiety that bloomed from it. She pressed a smile to the lady and pulled her eyes away. She kept her head turned so she could seem open and friendly.

"But at least you look nice. Have a date tonight?"

The woman inched closer to her as if she was invited to do so. At best she was just a nosy woman who talked to any and everyone on the train so Y/n didn't see it as a problem to indulge her.

"Erm -- not really. I'm going to a birthday party for my friend."

How come she can't even tell a random stranger that she doesn't just have a friend, she has a girlfriend? This lady's judgment wouldn't mean anything because she is someone she is never going to see again. But the words physically can't come out of her mouth. Sometimes she wonders if her hesitance has to do less with worrying about her overbearing parents and more to do with her fear of this going south. Natasha lied to her, about something that is pretty big, while Y/n has been completely open and honest; she has even sent comprisable things to her girlfriend because she felt that's what people do in relationships. She is the vulnerable one in the relationship but she is holding on hard to the idea that Natasha would never betray her. It was one lie that didn't necessarily hurt her, but sometimes she wonders if there are things she doesn't know.

"Well have fun and don't get into any trouble. Lord knows I spent my youth raising hell."

When Y/n looks back at this time in her young adult years, whether she ends up with Natasha long term or not, she hopes that she can hold the same expression on her face as this older woman. A look of nostalgia, remembrance, and gratitude. Y/n hopes her memories of this time are only good ones, but if shit is going to go left then she hopes she at least walks away with a lesson learned.

-

Natasha was right about Bucky's apartment being nicer. It wasn't even an apartment it was damn near a penthouse. Bucky runs the the comic book shop but there is no way he'd be able to afford this all on his home. Y/n felt like she had imposter syndrome just walking up to the place. The man at the front desk stopped her and eyed her suspiciously because of her young appearance. He asked for the name of the resident she was trying to visit and he definitely thought she was just a kid clowning around when she said she was here to visit "Bucky." But luck was on her side because some more guests entered the building and they were also visiting Bucky, or James as they called him.

"Are you here for Natasha's party too," one of them asked. She was a redhead like Natasha and Y/n joked to herself that they might be sisters.

"I am," her voice was a little shaky as she followed behind the woman, and a man who didn't identify himself yet. They held open the elevator for her and pressed 15 to get to Bucky's floor.

"Are you a friend from work? I'm Wanda by the way."

"No, I'm Y/n-"

"Oh! So you're Y/n! Your Natasha's girlfriend, right!? She's mentioned you a ton but I kind of thought you were just an internet girlfriend because she said you two meant online."

"Uh, we did but I don't live far-"k

"Nat's probably going to pissed we met the girlfriend before she could introduce us."

Wanda playfully jabs him in his arm, "no she won't." She looked back at Y/n and gave her what was supposed to be a reassuring smile. Y/n was kind of overwhelmed by the surprise meeting but maybe this encounter would serve as a way to pacify her. If the rest of Natasha's friends are like Wanda then it wouldn't be much of a problem.

They got off on the right floor and Y/n followed right behind Wanda and the guy she is with. Someone, another stranger Y/n doesn't know, opened the door for them when they knocked. He looked happy to see Wanda and her plus one, but furrowed his brow at Y/n.

"That's Nat's girlfriend," Wanda tried to whisper. It was no secret that Y/n is pretty young, all you have to do is look at her and you can easily tell she hasn't left high school that long ago. Wanda didn't want her to get prodded with questions before even entering the party.

"Oh, ok -- well, come in."

He steps out of the way and lets all three of them into the apartment. For someone who seems a little rough around the edges, Bucky surely lives in a posh place. His apartment looked like something she seen in an episode or two of gossip girl. She is clearly the odd one out here because everyone is just acting like they're use to things like this while Y/n on the other hand tried not to look like she was awestruck.

"Let's go find Nat," Wanda grabs Y/n's attention by linking arms with her and pulling her into a different direction. She's so incredibly friendly and warm that Y/n sees her as some sort of savior even though she has known her for less than 10 minutes.

A few people look at them moving throw the rooms but no one keeps their gaze on them for too long. Y/n feels bashful about bringing attention to herself. Her anxious thoughts are not based in anything but her own self-doubt. No one is looking at her with judging stares nor is anyone questioning why she is here. At the very least they just see her as a stranger, an unfamiliar face, but someone who is supposed to be here.

Wanda spots Natasha first, a drink in her hand and two of her work friends talking to her.

"Natasha," Wanda draws out in a sing-song voice, "I've got your present!"

Wanda has her full attention when Natasha spots Y/n with her. She forgets about her friends she's talking to and quickly approach the two. Wanda unlinks arms with Y/n and moves out of the way so Natasha can have her reunion with her girlfriend.

"Y/n! You made it!" Her arms wrap around Y/n and she engulfs her into a big hug. It nearly knocks the wind out of her which makes this feel like more if an out-of-body experience.

"I wouldn't miss it," Y/n nearly whispers.

Once Natasha loosens her grip and pulls back, she kisses Y/n's cheek; their first public display of affection in front of people that know one of them. Y/n's face heats up at the little peck but she doesn't have any time to simmer in the feeling because Natasha grabs her hand and she's pulled into another direction once again.

Just from talking to them, Y/n gets the vibe that Natasha's friends are much older and seasoned than her; some of them even seem to be older than Natasha too. They welcomed her into their conversations but she didn't have much to say. She thought that mentioning her studies would be too juvenile. She's still in undergrad while Natasha's friends talked about their doctorate programs or how their years in academia are long behind them. The parties she attended with Amy and Cindy consisted of drunk people who wanted to dance, something she didn't think was her beat. But what does it mean when the party is the very opposite of those frat parties and Y/n still feels like she doesn't understand what's going on?

"Are you okay? Do you want something to drink?"

Natasha stood by her side the entire night. It was hard to ignore the hand that rested on her lower back and the warmth radiating off of Natasha. Y/n may have felt left out from the conversations but she felt like she belonged there with Natasha specifically.

"Can I have some water?"

"You don't want any wine?"

Y/n shook her head. She's not the legal drinking age yet and despite her friend's best efforts to get her to drink with them, she has never had alcohol before. Natasha didn't pry her for opting for water instead of wine like everyone else, she stepped away from the conversation with her friends to grab Y/n a glass of water.

"Natasha told me you were coming but I didn't believe it."

Bucky's voice appeared out thin air, just like him. His voice startled her and she turned to face him. Natasha's other friends were too distracted in their own conversation to say anything to him; Y/n even wondered if these friends of Natasha were friends with Bucky too.

"Why wouldn't I come?" Y/n furrowed her brow which made Bucky smirk at her.

"Relax. I'm just teasing you, but I know how busy you can be with school."

Y/n felt judgmental and childish for getting defensive. She didn't mean to but socializing when Natasha isn't with her makes her a nervous wreck.

"It's my girlfriend's birthday, of course I would come," there was still a hint of contempt in her voice. She can't relax around Bucky and that puts in edge in her tone.

For a minute there it seems as if Bucky's going to back down. He just crosses his arms and stands next to her, observing the party guest in his house along with Y/n.

"You go to Brecker, right?" His voice breaking the short bout of silence irritated her, but he is Natasha's friends and she does not want to have any problems with her girlfriend's friends, even if they kind of get on her nerves. However, he didn't even let Y/n answer, continuing with, "sophomore year? So you're like 19 -- is that why that's water in your cup and not a drink?"

"I-I don't drink."

"Most college kids are knee-deep in the worse kind of liquor a person can buy. You're not like the last one."

What seemed like a slip-up was not. Bucky added that last comment intentionally and he has so much fun seeing her squirm like that. She steps closer to him without realizing it and she looks so naive with that dumbfounded look on her face. Bucky can see the appeal of her, why like Natasha likes to have her around.

“What do you mean? What last one!?” Y/n’s voice went up a few volumes. She was too concerned with the answer she was going to be given to have concern for anyone else in the room, including the person who announced that it was time to sing happy birthday and cut the cake.

“It’s nothing — Natasha would probably kill me for even mentioning that,” he tried to laugh like he was brushing it off, but in reality he wanted Y/n to beg for him to tell her whatever he knows. She’s probably so curious in that pretty little head of hers that she might die if she doesn’t know. “I will say this though,” he continues, “you are probably the most serious girlfriend Natasha has had in a long time, and that’s saying something because you two barely see each other. She dated a girl from your school about a year ago, but it didn’t end well. She was around your age or maybe a little bit older. Natasha is a good friend of mine, we go way back, but I have to admit that she likes them young — and she seems to have a type.”

“Who was her last girlfriend?”

“Maybe you know her…she should be a senior now, but when I was in college I barely interacted with the underclassmen when I was a senior so I don’t know.”

“Why did it end? What happened?”

“Not sure of the details, but you seem to be in a good spot with Natasha so you have nothing to worry about.”

Bucky had sown a seed of doubt in Y/n that it’s impossible to believe his words. Natasha’s last girlfriend also went to her college in some wild coincidence. It had to be that because there was no way Natasha knew where Y/n was from when they first began talking on Chatzy. Still, Y/n stands there puzzled, upset, but wanting to know more. Natasha might be hesitant to answer her questions if she confronts her with it, but Bucky seems very open to divulge details about his friend’s past relationship.

“What’s her name?” Y/n has friends who know many people, they ought to know who this girl is.

“Whitney, I think? Or was it Emma…I don’t remember, she wasn’t really relevant. However her last name was ‘Michaels’ and she was a blonde and a little bit shorter than you.”

The names didn’t ring any bells and someone being a blonde who is “shorter” than her is too vague to pinpoint one person, but she keeps the last name Michaels in mind. She could ask Amy or Cindy and she hopes that they know.

“Y/n!”

Natasha’s voice snapped her out the trance she was in, but she was the last person Y/n wanted to see right now. She has more questions for Bucky, especially why he decided to tell her all of this knowing The look on Natasha’s face was unreadable but she certainly wasn’t happy and joyous like she was earlier when Y/n first arrived. With a sigh, Y/n walks away from Bucky and goes to join her girlfriend.

She’s by her side as Natasha’s friend sing happy birthday to her. An arm is wrapped firmly around her waist, but Y/n doesn’t feel all warm inside like she usually would when receiving these small yet intimate touches from Natasha. Her attention is drawn to the cake and the fact that there is no age on it. She’s just so confused after what Bucky told her, but she doesn’t have it in her to confront Natasha. At least not right now.

-

No one wanted the cake that was leftover and everyone is either too tired or buzzed to want to stick around any longer before Bucky makes them help him clean up. The party was fizzling out and Y/n didn’t have much to say. Natasha could see the noticeable difference in Y/n’s demeanor but didn’t want to bring it up while her friends were still here. It would be unfair to cause a scene or put her on the spot, but Natasha is not that happy with Y/n and vice versa.

“It’s too late to head back to Brecker,” Natasha says curtly. Y/n wants to say otherwise, but Natasha is absolutely right. It’s almost 1 am and it would be too dangerous for her to try to get home by herself. “You can stay with me tonight, okay?” It’s not like Y/n had any other choice. Where else would she stay? In an expensive hotel with only $118 on her debut card?

She finds herself having thoughts about Natasha that she never had before. Her happiness from earlier today was overrun with the bitterness of her girlfriend’s secrets. Y/n doesn’t have any secrets, but she tells Natasha everything about herself even if it’s boring.

There is a disconnect between the two of them that both of them feel and is unfortunately going to be addressed when they are alone.

“You two get home safe, okay?” Bucky addresses them both but he’s looking Y/n right in the eye. She hates the mysteriousness of all of this, and even though Bucky looks at her with a sympathetic look, she dislikes him even more.

She doesn’t want to be at Bucky’s apartment any longer, yet she doesn’t want to go back to Natasha’s place; it’s ironic. She’s being led out of the house by Natasha who walks with her hand and hand but without the warmth Y/n is familiar with. She should have left early to get back to her dorm, she reprimands herself, but it would be odd for her to leave her girlfriend’s party before everyone else. The pressure makes her want to explode in anger with questions. This was the hard part about being in a relationship with someone who lives a wildly different life that she didn’t think she would face. She’d much rather have petty arguments about where to go to dinner or agreeing on what movie to watch; those were cute things and not rough and ugly like their current situation.

Natasha’s place is not far from Bucky’s but it’s still a long walk considering the fact that they’re silent the entire way to her place. Neither of them utter a word to each other as they walk hand-in-hand, but Y/n knows that once they get into Natasha’s apartment then anything goes. She’s dreading it but there is no other option than to face it head on.

Her apartment is the same as the last time she’s been in it; it’s still pretty messy but still feels so comfortable that it almost placates her.

“You wanna tell me what your problem is?” Natasha ruins the small moment of solace Y/n has. She can’t look at her in the eye, not right now. Y/n is too emotionally exhausted and if she sees the look on Natasha’s face right now she might cry.

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Why would you come to my birthday party if you were going to hang around Bucky the entire time?”

Something snapped inside of Y/n. This is what Natasha’s pissed about? She’s jealous that Y/n was merely standing next to Bucky and talking to him?

“I only talked to him for a few minute Natasha!”

“Well you were practically all over him!”

Was she seeing things that didn’t happen?

Y/n’s conversation with Bucky was not a good one, let alone them flirting with each other or whatever Natasha is thinking was happening between them.

“No, I wasn’t! Bucky was telling me about your ex-girlfriend who happens to go to my school.”

It was clear that Natasha didn’t expect those words to come out of Y/n’s mouth, but she keeps her resolve, crossing her arms and furrowing her brow.

“That’s none of your business Y/n.”

“It is! He told me you go for younger girls! Is that all I am? Someone for you to corrupt!?”

“Hey! Don’t act like I ever forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do. You happily let me touch you and sent those photos to me.”

“Because that’s what you wanted! I did it for you, and you can’t even give me the grace to be honest with me. I don’t even know how old you really are!”

Y/n expected a rebuttal but there was nothing. She dared to look up at Natasha’s and her girlfriend was looking at her like an angry elementary school teacher.

“I’ve never lied to you. Whatever assumptions you made yourself is on you. You really believe Bucky over me? Your girlfriend?” The harsh tone she once had was fading into something more discomposed, “did he tell you that I only dated that girl for a month? I didn’t know she was 19. I was just settling down with my job and getting started on my life and I didn’t want to date someone so young. Plus she just wanted me to buy her alcohol and get her into the clubs downtown. I didn’t plan to date or fall in love with someone who was so young again, but you were different — you are different.”

Y/n stood there with egg on her face. She felt so bad, guilt damn near eating away at her. She didn’t trust Bucky from the beginning so why did she believe him tonight? The conviction with which he spoke made Y/n swear that it was all true, but Natasha seems just as sincere. Her head hurts as if she had been drinking tonight like everyone else. She wants to escape this moment in time, but she’s stuck.

“I-I’m sorry — I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she admits weakly.

Natasha doesn’t keep picking at her. She sighs and unfolds her off; she can’t stay made at Y/n, not when her sweet face looks so sad.

“We don’t have to talk about anymore; we can talk when you’re ready,” Natasha nearly whispers, “we can go to bed. You can have my room and I’ll take the couch.”

It’s the best case scenario to be separated when coming off of such harsh feelings. Although she wishes that she had Natasha to comfort her, but unlike any other time she’s upset, Natasha is the reason for her feelings.

-

It was hard to fall asleep. The bed was nice and soft, way better than her dorm bed, but it was too small to be in alone. Not only was Natasha’s absent felt physically, but emotionally. Y/n wondered if she was struggling to sleep too and what was on her mind. She’s not ready to talk about things just yet, but she wishes they could’ve discussed all of this without it being a shouting match. Y/n has never gotten into an argument like that; not even with her parents.

She kept going in and out of sleep with weird, short dreams occurring. When she would open her eyes she wouldn’t know if she was sleeping or dreaming because she kept forgetting where she was at. Once she got use to how the bed felt beneath her, she relaxed and let sleep take her under again.

But she was woken up again some time during the night. This time she felt the bed dip and make a creaking noise that fully wakes her up. She goes to turn around but someone, Natasha, is right behind her, prohibiting her from turning around to face her.

“It’s just me.” She’s met with silence, unsurprisingly, but that doesn’t stop Natasha from trying, “I’m sorry Y/n.”

One of her hand rakes up the front of Y/n’s body and the other slides under her to bring her close. Y/n gasps softly when her body is against Natasha’s. Her heart begins to race and she knows that this is not a dream for Natasha’s touch feels too real and harrowing. This won’t solved things, having Natasha make her feel good physically, but her body was telling her to give in.

“Nat-“

“Shh — let me show you how sorry I am.”

Y/n didn’t want that, or at least this shouldn’t happen now. She’s afraid that Natasha will just sweep the argument under the rug if she placates Y/n by making her feel good. But the hand that dips down between her legs is making her head spin. She had only went to bed in the blouse she wore for the party tonight. Her skirt was too uncomfortable to sleep in and her bra had been discarded an hour into her trying to sleep. It was easy for Natasha to slide her hands up Y/n’s blouse and grope her breast. Even though she can’t see her face, she knows that Y/n looks so gorgeous. She can hear those small gasps coming from her.

“Good girl — let me touch you.”

Their bodies couldn’t get any closer yet Natasha still nudges Y/n towards her and she presses her front against Y/n’s body. They seemingly melt into each other’s shape.

She wishes she had more self-control, but when Natasha’s hand slip into her panties, Y/n almost loses it. She wishes she could be more stronger in a situation like this but she’s weak and wants to be touched. Natasha feels how wet she is and it makes her face heat up in embarrassment. It shouldn’t be this easy to make Y/n’s feelings melt away, but she can feel her anger and resentment slowly slipping away; maybe it isn’t healthy to hold onto that anger.

Y/n’s legs widen without her having to thing about it. It’s an invitation for Natasha who presses her fingers into Y/n’s clit. She earns a satisfied sigh from her and she starts to rub circles into her. She keeps her pace slow and steady, she doesn’t want to get Y/n too worked up.

“Does that feel good?”

Y/n answers without using her words, nodding fervently and her body is aching for more.

“Of course you do…I always make you feel good,” Natasha declares.

She picks up her pace a little bit, taking Y/n to a place that feels like heaven. But she pulls away for just a second so she can dip her finger into Y/n’s opening.

Y/n tenses up when she feels Natasha’s finger teasing her slit and then eventually pushing inside of her. There is a slight discomfort, even with just one finger. She’s still not use to being penetrated, but she feels strokes of pleasure licking at her.

“How does that feel?” Natasha’s tone is almost mocking as she whispers into her ear. Y/n needs to cum, but she wants Natasha to play with her clit again.

“C-can you — can you-“

Her voice is broken and she feels like a mess. She’s almost embarrassed as she tries to get the words out.

“My baby wants me all the attention of her clit, huh? You took my fingers so well back into the library, what happened to that girl?” Natasha kisses the back of Y/n’s neck as she pulls her finger out of her sex and places her fingers back on Y/n’s clit. “That girl wouldn’t argue with me — she’d believe me and be a good girl for me,” she says as she rubs sloppy circles against her sex.

Natasha is no longer concerned with teasing Y/n; she wants to make her cum. And she can tell her girlfriend is close by the familiar sounds she makes the seconds before she cums. While she’s dragging her to her high, Natasha thinks about what it’s going to be like when she actually takes Y/n instead of the brief moments they have together or just enjoying the photos and videos Y/n sends. Their first time together was the closest to what Natasha wanted to do, but not everything. She thinks about it often, what that night together may look like, and she’s not going to let it slip through her fingers just because her friend wanted to stir up trouble.

“Cum Y/n. This is what you want, right? For me to play with that wet pussy of yours until you cum? Then you better cum for me.”

A loud whimper escapes her and Y/n feels embarrassed by it but she can’t help it. She’s cumming hard because of Natasha who keeps growing despite the trembling of her girlfriend’s thighs. It’s too much, too overwhelming, but Y/n can’t voice it because her climax stole her own voice from her. Her skin is hot and beads of sweat form on her hairline.

Exhaustion sets in and her body feels heavy; she is completely spent. The last 24 hours of her life have been so draining. She’s mad at Bucky, and a little bit mad at herself for ruining what was suppose to be a fun day celebrating Natasha’s birthday. She feels like a bad girlfriend despite her not being the one in the wrong, but she feels that way. All she can do now is sleep and momentarily believe that

“Things will be fine, okay?” Natasha leans forward to kiss Y/n’s warm cheek, “just don’t worry.”

[hopeful-hugz]

What had she done? What had Maria done to her!? Where was her phone, her body, her SOUL!?

A hazy, shadowy figure runs around a Shibuya that isn’t either of her own. 

Last night everything had gone to shit in the chatroom with the addition of a new member. Leeky had freaked out, even a different version of Espresso had. Once again she had tried to fix things once morning came, but to no avail. Everything got worse, to the point where Leeky had left the chat... She panicked and of course her mother chose to strike in a universe where no one held any power. But this was different; this wasn’t aether magic or shapeshifting.

Maria had said something, putting emphasis on names and Hope...  She had just yelled back at her, dumping everything onto the purebred who didn’t care. Then everything had gone black and she’d woken up in front of poor Leeky’s house. After taking a moment to freak out again, the hazy mass of cognition was off to try hunting down Maria.

Lucky for her, the bitch came to her first.

“Gotta say, I didn’t expect your little friend to be able to see you. Especially when you don’t have an identity right now.”

The half-breed goes to make any sound, only for there to be silence.  What???

“Don’t worry, My Rune~ We’ll get you a new one for this body, where you can build a Shibuya life all you want! There’s even an alternate of your father we can stick you with. It’ll be like you were always from there. We’ll do the same with Christopher and those lovely Pokémon region boys he met. You’ll both never have to hear from me again.” There’s a lunge at Maria, only for her to be grabbed by her own tail. “Ah-ah, we have work to do. That angel you keep hurting wants to see you and we have to meet up with your brother. I’ll give him a call while we make the jump there.”

[twistedblitz]

House Rules, Bitches!

You must be 18 or older to interact with my muse. VivziePop's Hellaverse is an Adult web series so minors DNI

This is a mutuals Only blog. Meaning if we aren't following each other, we're not playing together. I'll answer asks and stuff for non-mutals but no threads unless we follow each other.

Blitzø's vernacular is incredibly offensive so proceed with caution. Know that mun does not equal muse.

I accept OCs but if you're new or I have never met your OCs, please tell me about them before throwing them at me.

Please have a basic knowledge of what RP is and how it works. If you ask me to RP and then ask me what it means or how to play, I'm going to assume you're a minor and you'll be blocked.

Blank blogs, Non-RP blogs (unless you're like me and have a personal blog as your main) and porn blogs are not welcome here and will be blocked on sight.

Do. Not. Reblog. Or. Comment. On. My. Threads. If. You're. Not. Involved. It's incredibly annoying and rude and you'll be blocked immediately.

My Blitzø is still a work in progress but I believe he's Pan so shipping is open to all. My main Ships for Blitz are Stolitz, Blitzzarolli (Blitz x Fizz) and Blitzø x Striker but you don't have to ship those to play with me

Please give me something to work with if you send me an ask or reply to something. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE! I have a tendency to drop threads when I don't know how to reply so please do us both a favor and give me a response I can work with. Please and thank you. If you're incapable of doing this, I'll block you.

I will not ship Blitz with Moxxie or Millie so please don't ask.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people RP using first person, chatroom or script style writing. I find it impossible to respond to. Please don't write like this if you choose to play with me.

Don't reblog my OOC posts unless I say otherwise. Especially my headcannons or muse Moods.

Don't just like my open starters. RESPOND TO THEM! That's what they're for!

I prefer plotting for threads. I don't mind if we don't plot but I prefer to plot. Please give me something to work with regarding plotting. Or I just won't plot with you.

Feel free to message me OOC. I know my rules seem excessive but I swear I don't bite. Unless you ask me to ;p

Don't constantly bother me about replying. If I haven't replied in a few days, send it to me bc it probably got eaten or I just have no idea how to reply

[bondsmagii]

this is such a fucking embarassing Childhood Lie that i gotta be anon. but when i was maybe 8 or 9 i got onto some chatrooms, yknow, there were several. and i wanted them to think i was 14 so i lied abt my period. i was on and off it ALL the time, my fake self had a serious hormonal disorder or something because that bitch was like a lawn sprinkler. i was impatient and bad at time so id just say i was on it whenever i needed an excuse. of course, users who were ACTUALLY 14 knew and called me out

oh my god lmao. the funny thing is if you'd known a little more you could have got so indignant because that shit can happen when you first start your period, like maybe not a lawn sprinkler exactly but irregular periods or really long periods aren't unheard of when somebody first starts. absolute tragedy that you missed the opportunity to call out their insensitivity tbh, that would have been good for at least a week of chatroom drama.

one of the most Pointless Lies that I ever told to make myself look older was I lied about having a job at McDonald's (I was a manager and everything) but for some reason I'd decided to pretend that I lived in Colorado. I have no idea what possessed me to do this, maybe some way of hiding my identity? we were a bit better at that when I was younger but anyway I apparently worked in a McDick's in Colorado USA despite being a kid from rural Ireland and to keep up the ruse I had to constantly Google what time it was in Colorado. thankfully the time difference coincided with the time I should have been going to bed on a school night so I would just be like "goodbye fellow adults I am off to my shift at the burger establishment where did I mention I am a whole-ass manager" but then I'd sign off and have to go to bed because I had literal school in the morning. to this day I wonder why the fuck I put that much effort into such a pointless lie lmao. I'd made up colleagues and everything. there was shift drama. interpersonal problems. freaks in the drive-thru. I was inspired, man.

[beaconfantasies]

Blitzo always tries to keep an eye on his Loony to make sure she wasn’t doing something she shouldn’t. What he doesn’t know is that Loona does live sex shows on the internet with random groups of demons for money and booze.

“Loona, I just don’t want you to be taken advantage of. You’re a young woman who many weirdos would flock to if you aren’t careful!” Blitzo said, chasing after his adopted daughter

“I can take care of myself, Blitz! I don’t need you babying me all the time! Now fuck off!” Loona groaned in anger. She slammed the door to her room in Blitzo’s face

Later that night

“Hey boys. Sorry I’m a little late. Had to wait for my owner to fall asleep before I could start up the stream.” Loona typed a few commands on her keyboard as the stream began filling up with her adoring public.

“Alright. Rules are simple. For $20 a minute, you can have the vibe in my pussy go off, for $50 a minute, the buttplug in my ass will vibrate. And if you donate over $500, you can command me to do something specific.” She reminded the chatroom, taking a sip of her beer. The donations quickly began piling on, and soon Loona’s vibrators were going off like crazy.

“Ahh~ T-thanks for the donations everyone...I r-really appreciate it-oh fuck!” The hellhound’s head reeled back as she felt her first body-shaking orgasm rip through her, a clear stream of cum arching through the air.

“Hah...that was nice...oh?” Loona’s ears perked up as the chat lit up with one very generous donation.

“Oh wow. We got a $1000 donation! ‘Dear Loona, big fan of your show for a long time. Could you use one of your dildos to gape your asshole? Thanks!’“ She read it aloud. “Well, I suppose I can do that for someone as generous as you~” She gave a sly wink to the camera.

Fishing out her collection of sex toys, Loona found the one she was looking for. It was a massive 12 inches long and had a monster of a knot at the base-coming in at around 7 inches around. Loona affectionally named it “Vortex”, but she’d never admit that to anyone. She also grabbed a big bottle of lube

Folding her legs over her chest, Loona positioned herself so her asshole was facing the camera. After taking her buttplug out, she poured a generous amount of lube onto the dildo, using some of the extra goo to lube up her tight ass.

“Here we go~” She hummed, pushing the tip into her winking pucker. Biting her lip, Loona tried her best to relax, but with how massive Vortex was, she was incredibly nervous. She had only played with it once before, and even then she couldn’t fit the tip all the way in.

Taking a deep breath, Loona forced the dildo’s tip inside her winking sphincter, clenching tight around the rubbery toy. She let out a soft mewl as more and more inches sunk inside her booty. Now panting like a bitch in heat, Loona was stuffing more and more inches inside her, pussy pulsing with lust and heat.

Finally, she hit the knot, the part Loona was most nervous about. How could she take something like that inside her? It was far too big! But the donator was clear what they wanted, so Loona had to oblige. Holding her breath, Loona pushed every last inch inside, knotting herself on the dildo...

And she came harder than she ever had in her life.

The dildo made her feel so full and so good. She imagined it was Vortex pumping away inside her, using her like a flashlight. The very thought of that burly hunk of hellhound pounding away at her made Loona’s pussy gush out a waterfall of cum right onto her ass, only helping to lube the dildo.

Donations poured in as Loona’s ass was gaped live on stream. Over a thousand people were viewing Loona’s stream, and almost all of them were donating money to her.

And somewhere on the other end of hell, a certain muscular hellhound was fapping away at the cute streamer he found and donated over $1000 to.

“Ngh...fuck, that’s one sweet ass...” Vortex growled