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protytwo · 6 years ago

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You Too Can Join an APA by Jay Zilber

They've been around for over a hundred years, long before organized comics fans (or science-fiction fans) were around to adopt them. So it's a little odd that amateur press associations—apas for short—are still so little known. They survive to this day almost solely on the strength of word-of-mouth publicity, for in all this time there have been few serious attempts to bring this unique form of communication to the attention of mainstream fandom.

Apas have always had a difficult time getting publicity, partly because they are, indeed, so little known. They're not commercial endeavors, so they are never advertised. And though some apas may get an occasional short plug in a fanzine column here or there, these plugs don't tend to generate much interest because apas just can't be explained in a kernel of information 25 words or less. Apas can fulfill different purposes for different people, and at least seven definitions come to mind:

1. Apas are limited-circulation fanzines; in order to receive a copy, one must also be an active contributor to the apa.

2. Apas are the next-best thing to a comics convention, a fannish social get-together on paper.

3. Apas are the underground fan press, free of the "commercial" restraints and limitations of mainstream, high-circulation slick fanzines.

4. Apas are a system of centralizing correspondence which makes it possible to keep in touch with a large number of other fans at the same time.

5. Apas are an outlet for creativity and self-indulgence. They are an invaluable learning tool, through which one can develop writing, drawing and editing skills. They provide built-in feedback and constructive criticism on such creative endeavors.

6. Apas are where the old, tired fans go as an alternative to total gafiation.* And often, they are where the old, tired pros go for relaxation from their professional writing.

7. Apas defy clear-cut categorization in technical terms. Communication studies break down all media into two categories: mass media and interpersonal media. A mass medium—such as television, film, books, or this magazine—is a one-way system in which the Communicator sends a message to a group of Receivers, a large mass audience. If that audience wishes to relay their comments or reactions about this article to its author, they're met with various obstacles; they usually can't go back through the original medium and write their own article (or publish their own magazine) in order to make their reaction known. The obstacles are not insurmountable—hence, letters columns—but the original Communicator can get no direct or immediate feedback from his mass audience. That would require the use of a two-way system, an interpersonal medium (such as the telephone or, in the case of face-to-face dialogue, air), with which both parties have the opportunity to be both Communicators and Receivers in turn.

INSIDE THE APA

Obviously, there are many reasons for the appeal of apas; each member has his or her own individual attraction for being an active "apan," and the contents of an apa mailing is a mixed bag that reflects this diversity. CAPA-alpha was the first—and still one of the best—comics apas, and any recent mailing of CAPA-alpha showcases the full spectrum of what apas are all about:

Some members of CAPA-alpha (abbreviated K-a for esoteric reasons) are accomplished fan artists; they contribute superb illustrations and clever graphics, including a good deal of spectacular work that gives new life to the downtrodden "ditto" medium, imaginatively taking advantage of the so-called limitations of spirit duplicating. Other members are still learning the techniques of the craft; their inexperience betrays their enthusiasm and their work pales in comparison.

There is considerable discussion in K-a of all aspects of comics and comics fandom: behind-the-scenes news, reviews, indexes, speculations and such. Much of this discussion is insightful and well-informed, and some of it is insubstantial and short-sighted at best.

But comics are only a starting point—the discussion and commentary naturally spills over into related areas of science fiction, movies, television and home video recording, personal computers, and all areas of popular arts and culture. Personal trials, traumas and tribulations are also given much attention; some members use K-a as a sort of diary in order to sort out their thoughts and feelings about current events in their lives, and their hopes for the future.

Occasionally, there is original fiction or comic strips that range from brilliant on down. A good deal of purely self-indulgent or experimental material is run through the apa, for, should a member want to try out some new creative ideas, there may be nowhere else to put it on display. While self-indulgence is not necessarily encouraged, it is certainly tolerated for the most part—at least until someone's material becomes completely unintelligible and he is no longer communicating but talking to himself.

For some, the bylaws and politics of K-a itself take an overwhelming prominence in their apazines, and new meaning is given to the concept, "the medium is the message."

There is fannish news, rumor and gossip, there are special group projects and collaborative one-shots, there are comics convention reports that alternate between truthful accounting of fact and wildly exaggerated nonsense. There are in-jokes of the sort that simply aren't the least bit funny outside of the apa's membership (and even among the membership they aren't funny except at four in the morning).

This is the stuff that apas are made of—all this and more. There is no pay or compensation except in terms of personal fulfillment. Apas reflect every stage of fannishness, from the wide-eyed neophyte to the burnt-out gafiate. Apas are networks of communication and life-long friendships that never have developed in any other way. They are an integral part of the universe of fandom… but to truly understand the attraction of belonging to an apa, one must experience it first-hand.

The mechanics of apas are fairly simple, though they may at first seem confusing to the uninitiated. Since each apa has slightly different policies, I will continue to use CAPA-alpha as a useful prototype.

In order to join K-a, a would-be member starts by sending an initial fee of $3.00 to the current Central Mailer. Some apas require new members to be sponsored or voted into membership; this is not the case with K-a, but full membership still does not come right away. As a matter of practical logistics, K-a has a size limit of 40 members and presently has a modest waitlist. A new would-be member is sent a sample copy of the current K-a mailing and his name is placed at the bottom of the waitlist. Membership turnover may be slow; it may be several months, possibly a year or more, before a slot opens up for him. In the meantime, waitlisters may contribute to the apa as though they were already members, but can only purchase copies of mailings when they are at least three months old—and then, only if sufficient extra copies remain available.

At length, the patient waitlister is invited to join the apa. In order to attain membership, he must now produce an apazine; K-a requires that members contribute at least four pages of original material to every third mailing. (This is the minimum required activity, or "minac," to use the inside jargon; of course, one may contribute more often and in greater volume, as in fact most CAPA-alphans do.) The new member is responsible for printing his apazine, or arranging for its printing; he must deliver 50 collated and stapled copies of his zine to the Central Mailer by the stated deadline (usually the first day of each month) and keep his postage account in the black. If he fails to meet minac, copycount, finances or deadline, he risks being dropped from membership, though extensions are sometimes granted under extraordinary circumstances.

The Central Mailer is elected annually; he is a member of K-a who, in return for only the real or imagined glamor or ego-boosting the post has to offer, has opted to take on the tremendous responsibility of seeing that the mechanics of the apa remain well-oiled and that the mailings come out on time. He manages the apa's business and finances; he organizes the apazines as they arrive in the mail from the 40-odd members and waitlisters around the country, collates their stacks of apazines into 50 identical volumes that contain one copy of each zine, publishes the apa's Official Organ, and mails the bound copies of the mailing to the entire membership.

All this is much more work than can be suggested in the time it takes to describe it, and it's why most apas have a membership size limit; otherwise, the work of managing K-a would increase to the point where it would have to be a salaried full-time job.

After its long, torturous trek through the Postal Service, the member finally receives his copy of the mailing and reads it with all due enthusiasm. Perhaps he jots down some notes as he reacts to someone else's comments that he wants to discuss in his next apazine. The cycle continues every month, as it has with only one interruption since K-a's first mailing in October, 1964.

WHERE IT ALL STARTED

Actually, the concept of the amateur press association goes as far back as the late 19th Century—long before comics or SF fandom existed—with the formation of the National Amateur Press Association (NAPA) and other "mundane" amateur journalism spas. NAPA was founded in 1876 and was originally seen as a sort of training ground for professional journalists. Indeed, many early amateurs did "graduate" to become professionals, and the Association saw this as the most defensible role for NAPA.

At the outset, the inner workings of the original apa were worlds away from the present-day fannish version. In this early concept of NAPA, members were loosely organized by a constitution drawn up at a national NAPA convention, but the gist of it was that members were simply instructed to send copies of their amateur journals and publications to one another.

NAPA only began to evolve into the more modern concept of apas because of the lack of cooperation from the United States Post Office. NAPA's organizers had tried to get their individual amateur journals declared eligible for Second Class mailing privileges without success. As an alternative, they established a centralized mailing bureau; any interested publisher could send their journals to the bureau manager, who would in turn distribute them in bundles to the Association members. Some took advantage of this service, while others continued as before to send their publications directly to one another. As a result, these "private" mailings were not always fully distributed to the entire membership, and only the most active members could expect to receive both the privately-mailed, limited-circulation magazines and the centrally-distributed bundles. NAPA did not even actually require members to publish anything at all, so that an interested but inactive member might receive only the bundles.

This separation of active and non-active members brought about a bizarre class separation of amateur publishers. NAPA also encountered a number of other problems during its formative years; its members rarely used their journals to communicate with one another, and many would-be publishers experienced difficulty in purchasing or gaining access to a handset letterpress, the most commonly-accepted method for printing member-journals at the time. It was this stumbling block that made it impossible to establish a "minac" requirement that all members be active publishers. Yet the notion of a new kind of apa persisted, an apa in which every member was a participant.

Oddly enough, the link between mundane and fannish Amateur Press Associations was provided by no less a personage than H.P. Lovecraft himself. Lovecraft became involved in amateur journalism as a youth, and joined one of NAPA's rivals, the United Amateur Press Association (UAPA) in 1914, and then NAPA itself three years later (for both of which he served several terms as president). SF (then-)fan Donald Wollheim learned of the mundane apas through Lovecraft in the mid-1930s, shortly before Lovecraft's untimely death in 1937. By most recountings, Wollheim saw apas as a useful solution to the problem of keeping up with fanzine trading and a method of reducing postage as well, and promptly joined the National and United Apas. With help from some of the other major SF fans of the time, he then founded FAPA, the Fantasy Amateur Press Association. July 1937 saw the first tiny, 42-page bundle of fanzines, still bearing little resemblance to any modern-day apa. But it was only three months later, in FAPA's second mailing, that two of its members introduced what later became the life-blood of contemporary apas: mailing comments.

Quite simply, mailing comments are the inclusion in members' apazines of comments on the previous mailing. It was the solution to the noted lack of communication within mundane apas; prior to the mailing comments in FAPA, discussion of topics raised in one another's publications was almost nonexistent. Mailing comments provided a sense of continuity from mailing to mailing, and brought about a degree of group spirit and camaraderie among members never before conceived. More than merely exchanging fanzines, apa members now exchanged ideas; rather than just absorbing information, they were now encouraged to think about and react to what their fellow members had to say.

Additionally, FAPA promoted the notion of substance over style; inexpensively mimeographed or spirit-duplicated contributions were not discouraged but actually taken for granted to be the most sensible printing method for a low-circulation apazine, and this made it practical and affordable for every member to contribute. Unique, innovative and successful in everything it set out to achieve, FAPA became the model for most of its followers and imitators in SF fandom, and eventually for its second cousin, comics fandom.

*Gafiation (n), a common fannish buzzword from the root "gafia," an acronym for "Getting Away From It All."

Mark Evanier contributed the left cover to Capa-Alpha's 200th mailing, while in 1971, Wendy Fletcher was an active apa fan. She now concentrates on Elfquest as Wendy Pini.

A young Frank Miller contributed to apas and this sample page shows, even then, a sense of design and drama that has since matured into some the finest comics work done today.

NOTE: This article was first published in the March 1983 Comics Scene magazine. Comics APAs were very big back in the Seventies and Eighties. These days, surviving APAs are very unlikely to have a full membership and there isn’t any waiting period before a fan is invited to participate and join the membership roster.

#apa #comic book fandom #jay zilber

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oreramar · 7 years ago

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The Freelancer Problem

A Red vs Blue ramble, written in an attempt to get these scattered little ducklings of impressions and thoughts into something resembling a coherent line. This one’s about the Freelancers, and the ways the writers of RvB have had to get around them and their established skills at times in order to present the Blood Gulch Crew with challenges that A) allied Freelancers can’t or don’t solve for them even though they would probably normally be able to, and B) won’t kill them even though the Freelancer that is that particular challenge should, again, probably be able to.

The Freelancers of Red vs Blue were established as super-competent soldiers pretty much right out the gate. Admittedly, the only Freelancer seen for a long time was Tex, and admittedly the comparison was primarily against the Reds and the Blues, so the data could be a little skewed there. Still, the words and actions of the script mostly pointed that way, and were elaborated further in that direction as the series went on, so that by the time the story was expanded further starting in S6, it was a pretty solid fact: the Freelancers are badass super-soldiers, and the protagonists of the story mostly beat them in conflicts through a combination of luck, tenacity, teamwork, the occasional odd but impressive specialized skill (i.e. Donut’s throwing arm) and being fatally under-estimated by the Freelancer(s) in question.

This worked well as a means to compare/contrast the way the Blood Gulch Crew did things against more traditional battle protagonist methods (via Tex) and to provide them with powerful but still human-level antagonists (via Wyoming), but once we got to Washington (and, later, Carolina) I think that pedestal started to present some problems the writers had to find ways around...or, if possible, over.

(Long-ish post, continues under the cut.)

As I said, Freelancers were pretty well-established as being some of the best of the best soldiers, at least in this particular story. S6 Washington didn’t exactly disabuse anyone of the notion, single-handedly bringing down a Hornet with a very precise trick shot while avoiding getting shot himself, on top of a few other epic little moments. Sure, the Meta did keep escaping him, but that was easily put down to the Meta having much better armor tech and enhancements allowing him to escape, plus him once being a Freelancer himself. And, of course, the narrative required it in order to have that climactic finale - one in which the BGC actually didn’t face down the “final boss” themselves, actually.

Then we hit S7/S8, and Washington became an antagonist to the crew, working alongside the Meta for his own ends. At that point the writers had to deal with a character who had already been shown to be very competent in combat - and perfectly willing to shoot to kill - going toe to toe with the show’s protags...without actually killing any of them. Granted, as far as anyone knew at the time Donut and Lopez had died, and it was a combination of sheer luck and robotic immortality that brought them back later, but that’d be tough to pull off with too many (living human) characters. So, as a result, certain things got a little bit...toned down...at necessary points.

That super precision shown by that trick shot (even while being shot at) Washington pulled off before? The moment he got hit by a warthog he couldn’t shoot Grif even at point-blank range across multiple attempts. You could write some of it off as being due to the discombobulation of getting hit and then balancing on the hood of a fast-moving vehicle, but it does seem to be a bit of a stretch, especially given Grif’s extremely limited range of movement and cover and all the times (admittedly mostly seen later in the series, though some of them set chronologically earlier) where Washington took hits and still managed precise close- to mid-range shots even while falling. I still love watching the scene, but whenever I think about it I’m sort of aware that it was written more for the requirements of the plot than for the realities of demonstrated character abilities. The plot would run into some trouble if Wash managed to shoot and/or kill Grif in that sequence, after all.

Tex’s return is similarly toned down, but only if you stop and think about it and realize that she could’ve killed every character present easily. We all know she could. She’s punched through solid metal and caught/stood up under a massive, filled warehouse crate dropped on her from a height; there’s almost no way standard-issue body armor would actually stop her. There’s not really any explanation given for how (or why?) she didn’t just cave everyone’s skulls in and go, aside from her one attempt at shooting someone failing due to the shotgun being out of ammo. Maybe you could theorize there being some familiarity with them causing her to pull her blows and/or a desire to play a bit rather than simply kill and run, as her verbalized reasoning for flying into the fight would imply. Again, it’s a brilliant fight scene and I love watching it, but damn, how did they survive? (Answer: plot armor standing up under a barrage of Rule of Cool, that’s how. Love it.)

The finale of this arc demonstrates this again, though perhaps to a lesser extent, in that a lot of it is pretty clearly justified one way or another. A good chunk of said finale is taken up by Tex vs Wash and Meta, after the latter two get blown up and the former has had who knows how many hours to seed the battleground in her favor, and even then it’s a close enough fight. Wash again demonstrates both great accuracy (shooting a fleeing Tex through the leg and laming her in her escape attempt) and...not (shooting repeatedly at Tex as the ice fell and seeming to miss every shot, though admittedly there were some pretty extreme issues with the battlefield, footing, and a great deal of motion involved. Plus plot requirements. She couldn’t get shot yet.).

Anyhow, Tex is fairly justifiably defeated after getting shot through the leg, caught up to by the Meta, and - as is soon established - being an AI effectively cursed with failing just when it matters the most. Then the Meta turns on Washington and he and the BGC have to team up. Wash is also justifiably taken out of the fight by his multiple implied injuries and perhaps fatigue finally catching up with him (blown up once with the jeep, fighting Tex, having to climb up a cliff, fighting the Meta and getting blown up one or two more times in the process...kind of a wonder that he survived, too, honestly), allowing the underdog protagonists to finish it. And they do, but not by overpowering the powerhouse; once again, they prevail by going outside the box, and it’s great.

Of course, from that point on Wash is on their side, and the writers have a new problem: it’s one thing to have a somewhat fickle Freelancer who occasionally does little things with or for them in exchange for promised payment or one who drags them along on his own mission (Tex and Wash, respectively). It’s one thing to have a Freelancer oppose them, probably underestimate them, and be defeated by them via creative and unusual means (Wyoming, Meta/Maine, Washington, Tex if you count the grenade incident at least). It’s...kind of another to put a Freelancer on a team with them in an invested and permanent way, because at that point the power imbalance becomes something you have to deal with all the time. The show is Red vs Blue; the main protagonists are the core Blood Gulch Crew; the entire thing has been the relatively-incompetent underdogs getting into shenanigans and silly nonsense and occasionally taking on a bigger problem in creative and unusual ways. You can’t just throw a serious, hyper-competent super-soldier in the mix without coming up with a way to mitigate all those things, because otherwise how do you explain Washington not solving all their problems?

So you kind of see these elements of him dismantled piece by piece in the next couple of seasons, mostly through the flashback episodes and sequences.

Wash is serious? Let’s show him way back when the Freelancer Project was in its prime, and he was the silly, boyish rookie of the team, prone to goof-ups and foot-in-mouth syndrome and keeping rubber duckies and cat pictures in his locker. This isn’t a bad thing in itself; it’s actually pretty humanizing and the contrast alone between ‘Before Epsilon’ and ‘After Epsilon’ really helps drive home how damaging that incident was, not to mention how seeing some of that silliness creep back into him as he sticks with the crew implies a healing process. It’s just that you can kind of tell that it was inserted (and maybe a little extra-emphasized) at least partially in order to mitigate a personality element that stood to become a potential narrative obstacle.

Wash is very competent as a soldier and an operative? Okay, sure, he’s still shown to be a really good shot in unusual circumstances (often while in free-fall or while being knocked to the ground by an opponent), and he’s consistently seen on the Freelancer leaderboard (sixth or better out of an unknown number, theorized max 50), so you know he’s skilled in what he does, but he’s also verbally referred to as “the worst fighter on the team,” called a rookie, generally treated in dialogue at least as being barely competent - to the extent that I’ve actually seen it written in a couple of fics that Washington’s skill level as a soldier is actually only equal to that of the marine-wash-out Reds and Blues themselves, and nowhere near “real” Freelancer status. Again, showing him as the rookie once upon a time isn’t necessarily a bad thing, except perhaps that you’ve got a certain disparity of show vs tell, and the tell seems to be the loudest in this case. That, and it’s sort of sad to think that this has probably imprinted itself in his self-esteem, as he later tells Tucker outright that he really was the worst fighter on his squad, whether it was objectively true or not, and without taking into account that his squad was the best of those selected for the project anyhow. Worst of the best? That should still be pretty damn good.

Wash the super-soldier? Again, dismantled somewhat by the above notes, and further by the fact that not only does he not have an AI, he actively refuses to accept one, the brief time he carried the Alpha in S6 a single exception. He doesn’t have specialized equipment, weapons, or fighting styles; he used an armor enhancement exactly once in S9 and otherwise relies on his battle rifle, a very standard weapon, however good he is with it. Occasionally he uses a pistol. In fact, the knife throw in S8′s finale and the dodges/catch/throw in S13 are about as specialized as he ever gets. His close-combat style, the few times it’s come up, has been simple, direct, and pragmatic (though kudos to him managing to steal a rifle right off Tex’s back in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in the S8 finale). In short, while he’s skilled he’s also nothing like most of the other Freelancers we’ve seen fight: Carolina and her proficiency with multiple unique weapons and acrobatic martial arts; Tex’s heavy powerhouse boxing and apparent invincibility (as well as invisibility); Maine’s mastery with the Brute Shot and power and durability near if not equal to Tex’s, with enough enhancements to power a small army; Wyoming’s sniping and time distortion; North’s shields and gumanship; South’s brawling capabilities...

Basically, in the course of a couple of seasons, badass-with-occasional-bad-days Freelancer Agent Washington comes down a level or two toward normal - someone who maybe fits in better with our team of misfits and goofballs, though there are a few more stumbling blocks along the way, of course.

Then Carolina joins the group - despite a rocky start - and we reach the Chorus Trilogy and see how the writers continue their game of keep-away in order to prevent these Freelancers - one a definite established top-rank fighter, the other a little toned-down but still demonstrably capable of holding his own at the least - from just solving things.

They have Carolina leave, chasing her own leads and finding her own battles to fight, which puts her neatly out of the picture for a while without requiring the writers to find a way to compromise her far-above-average abilities in order to save opponents for the Gulch crew. Washington, in the meantime, mainly has to deal with things that don’t have to do with fighting off enemies, and when the enemies do come they take him by surprise and/or show up in numbers overwhelming enough - and with technology specialized enough - that between that and a calculated move of self-sacrifice on his part, he’s also removed from events for half a season.

And then, once the story progresses enough that the Freelancers return to the main group, we notice an interesting new theme in their fights with the main Mercenaries: the plans involved largely requiring them to either retreat or, if they engage, to hold back for some higher purpose. They encounter pirates at Crash Site Alpha? They’re caught in a defensive game, standing their ground, hopefully long enough to gain the manifest they came for, and when that fails their best option is to teleport away (not to mention Carolina’s recent leg wound hobbling her both then and later). They fight Locus and Felix at the radio jammer? They can’t go all-out; they need to make the Mercs overconfident in their ability to take them on, so that Felix will leave them to Locus and go blab all their plans on camera - their best shot at stopping the war altogether. Wash runs into Locus on a battleground? He prevails over Locus not by martial ability, outgunned as he is by Locus’ twin advantages of long range and active camouflage, but by pulling a tactical mind game that results in Locus leaving that part of the field rather than continuing to fight, then by taking part in an overall retreat that the tactic bought time for. The Freelancers fight the Mercs once again at the Temple of Destruction? Once again, they’re not fighting to win; they’re only fighting to delay, and the mercenaries each live to see the start of redemption (Locus) or their defeat at the hands of the Reds and Blues themselves (Felix).

(The Sharkface vs Carolina encounters don’t fully count toward the terms of this ramble, as Sharkface isn’t an enemy of the Blood Gulch Crew as a whole, and therefore the narrative didn’t need to ‘save’ him for them to ultimately take down. He was Carolina’s antagonist alone; the writers didn’t need to hold her back from him, and his initial victory over her was mostly there to drive her own character arc on the side and to increase tension for her and for Epsilon.)

So basically, the Chorus Trilogy solved the Freelancer Problem by taking the Freelancers out of the story for a while and by adding external factors to fights against the main antagonists that made it difficult if not impossible for the Freelancers to really lean into said fights as hard as they might’ve been able to. S15 continued this trend, as first the Freelancers followed their own path separate from the crew, then they were incapacitated for a time by Temple’s armor lock, and then - still incapacitated to a degree by hallucinations and physical weakness - Washington was severely injured and rushed off separate from the main group again, while Carolina (also incapacitated but not hallucinating or directly injured at least) took something of a backseat in the fight that followed, participating but not stealing the show in terms of combative action. That was for the BGC to do, in their own varying ways.

I’m not sure where the story is going from where we are now, but I suspect that these methods - separation, incapacitation, and perhaps the deliberate throwing of fights - will continue to be used. They’ve been pretty handy so far, after all. They’ve just become...a little predictable because of it, I guess.

#red vs blue #rvb #freelancers #agent washington #agent carolina #blood gulch crew #rambling thoughts

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simul16 · 4 years ago

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Rime of the Frostmaiden Follow-Up

Something that annoys me about the adventure is how blase people are about the situation. "Just another gruesome day in Icewind Dale" says the opening "read this to the players". No it's not! "The tavern is abuzz with talk of"... How can the taverns be abuzz? And how can it be on any topic other than "How are we going to survive the next week". The rest of the adventure reads like this is just a normal, if severe, winter, rather than the apocalypse ( and it IS the apocalypse, albeit a very local one). The locals seem to have an attitude of "Oho! Cold enough for you? Ah you weak southerner". But buddy, you're not surviving this either. I can see how the villages with pop of 100-200 might survive by hunting or ice fishing, but even then: After a year of winter, there should be no more fish: Not because the humans have eaten them all, but because the fish themselves have no food. Hunting and ice fishing is how they weather a normal winter. I was listening to the Dragon Talk podcast and the question of how the bees of Goodmead have survived. This was answered by saying they live in the mead house which is kept heated. And I can see this is how the bees survive a normal winter, but what are they eating? There are no flowers and have not been for 2 years, and yet the bees are not only surviving, they are still producing enough honey to make enough mead to supply the entire region. Even assuming the people of 10 towns are getting food shipped in ( And they're not, more of that later ) or have magical means of food production ( cauldrons of plenty, create food and water, goodberry, which requires a level of casual magic 10 town's doesn't have and I'm not willing to give it ), we're looking at total ecological collapse last year. No more reindeer, fish, moose, crag cats, yetis, gnolls, etc etc. - tolcreator, post on ENWorld.org

My somewhat hasty and casual critique of Icewind Dale: Rime of the Frostmaiden was largely based on the issues I had with the structure of the adventure, with a few nods made toward odd choices in content. Then I read the post quoted above on ENWorld's message boards, and became even more regretful of my decision to purchase the adventure.

The criticisms in tolcreator's post are spot-on: the adventure explicitly states that "the average temperature in Icewind Dale is -49 degrees Fahrenheit (-45 degrees Celsius)" (p.11), and that Auril's ritual "prevents the next day's sun from rising above the horizon, turning midday into twilight and trapping Icewind Dale in winter's dark embrace, with no sunlight or warmth to melt the snow and ice." (p.5) Under these circumstances, no sunlight gets into the lakes to cause plants to grow to feed the fish that the residents of Ten Towns have, up til now, used as the primary staple of their diet. Flowers don't bloom, so the bees of the town of Goodmead, said in a podcast to be living in the meadhouse for warmth, have no place to gather pollen and nectar to feed themselves, much less to allow the residents to produce their normal quantity of fermented honey wine. If this had just recently started going on, it would be a catastrophe in the making, but as the adventure points out that this has been happening "for more than two years" (p.5); adventurers arriving in Ten Towns shouldn't discover adventure, but widespread death and ecological catastrophe.

However, some still try to defend the details of the adventure. A different poster, TheSword, summarizes all the individual responses to tolcreator's original argument:

It's a magical world with magical animals and plants.

While it is true that the Forgotten Realms has much more magic than our Earth, that magic is limited; not everything is magical, and for the most part, magic doesn't really impact peoples' daily lives. Much of the Realms is merely exotic, not outright magical. For example, instead of musk oxen, the people of Ten Towns domesticate axe-beaks, oversized birds like arctic ostriches, as pack animals. The bees of Goodmead aren't magical -- they're normal bees, and the 'knucklehead trout' which are one of the signature beasts of the region also aren't magical, just very large, strong fish.

Not to mention that if there was a magical grain that could grow in the near absence of sunlight and in devastatingly low temperatures, a great deal of what we'd think of as the horror of Icewind Dale's predicament disappears -- if the people have the means of surviving in this 'eternal winter', just as they did before, then there's not really much point in using the 'eternal winter' as a means of providing urgency to the PCs actions in the adventure. After all, the people are doing OK.

The ecology of a fantasy world can be better adapted to extremes.

This is true, but trivial. You can just as easily say that some human cultures on Earth have better adapted to extreme ecological conditions, but if you don't explain how this happens, and what impact it has on those cultures, then you're not really saying anything with any signficance. Being able to explain how a culture like the Inuit or the Yanomamo, who dwell in extreme ecological conditions on Earth, are able to survive and even thrive to some degree goes a long way toward explaining the human capacity for adaptation, and helps define the limits of what kinds of cultures humans are capable of creating. Just saying, 'eh, the Inuit survive in the northern climes of Canada, so our culture could do the same' is over-simplistic hand-waving and is arguably untrue -- modern technological culture would likely only survive in the state we know it in by making significant changes to the ecology of northern Canada; without the ability to make those changes, our culture would likely change to much more closely resemble that of the Inuit, simply because environment informs and can even dictate culture and modes of survival.

And again, if the residents of Ten Towns have actually adapted to the eternal winter, what's the rush to resolve the problem?

Druids can help keep ecology alive more than we could expect.

Druidic magic in D&D actually would have a profound impact on a culture's ability to adapt to changing ecological conditions, so bringing up this point is a good one. Unfortunately, the adventure itself presents good reason why this wouldn't be much benefit to Ten Towns. First, in the section on Magic in Ten Towns, the adventure points out that there are no high-level spell casters in Ten Towns, and that one person in a hundred dwelling in Ten Towns is a "friendly druid, priest, or mage". Here's the official census for each of the ten towns:

Bremen = 150

Bryn Shander = 1200

Caer-Dineval = 100

Caer-Konig = 150

Dougan's Hole = 50

Easthaven = 750

Good Mead = 100

Lonelywood = 100

Targos = 1000

Termalaine = 600

Fewer than half the locations in Ten Towns have a population large enough to possess more than one of these special individuals, and while I don't want to get hung up on the 'druid, priest, or mage' description to say that these professions are equally probable, it's pretty clear that some number of places in Ten Towns won't have a druid to assist them.

This is important due to the other factor noted by the adventure: Auril's ritual and its effects have also "heightened rivalries that have simmered for years, turning neighboring towns against one another as competition for resources becomes increasingly intense." (p.19) So even if there is a druid in Easthaven -- a decent bet given their population -- that druid is going to either be disinclined or be persuaded by the powers-that-be in their town to not provide assistance to their rivals, in this case Caer-Dineval and Caer-Konig, either of which is small enough that it might not have a druid of its own.

The biggest problem, though, is that some portion of these druids and priests are going to be servitors of Auril herself, and will not be providing assistance, but rather enforcing the sacrifices that Auril demands of each of the Ten Towns (Sacrifices to Auril, p.21)

Lastly, if there were one or more druids trying steadfastly to maintain the ecology of Icewind Dale in the face of Auril's ritual, you'd think that interacting with and assisting those druids would be part of the adventure, given how fitting such an interaction would be to the adventure's setting and themes. It isn't.

Priests would be expected to support their communities with magic where possible.

This is really just a subset of the previous point -- as noted, many communities won't be large enough to have a priest (though most should have either a priest or a druid), and even those that do likely have a priest or druid of Auril as their representative, which isn't actually going to help. And due to the increased competition for resources, communities without such assistance can't rely on getting it from communities that have it.

Winter stores would exist that would allow people and livestock to survive albeit weakened and in a depleted state.

This is superficially a good point -- after all, cultures have been laying in stores for the winter for generations, even centuries. There should be some reserve that the residents of Ten Towns are tapping to remain alive. And if the crisis had started just a few months before, that would be a reasonable argument to make. After all, when that first winter began, the residents would already have put aside enough supplies to get through the normal expected winter period, with maybe a bit extra just in case of a late thaw. If it was now supposed to be mid-summer after the first such winter, some folks might be out of supplies, while others are just getting down to the last meager scraps they hoarded the previous fall.

The problem is that this disaster has been going on, by word of law, for "over two years". Not only would no one have put aside that many supplies to survive two entire years of winter (it would be a waste of supplies, for one, since some portion of those supplies wouldn't keep and would need to be discarded anyway, plus nobody expected the winter to go on as long as it has, so would not have seen the need), but the first year of perpetual winter would have hurt the production of new supplies to the point where there would be far less to stash to survive the now harsher second winter.

In fact, given this point, it's really hard to justify that some towns, rather than holding a lottery to determine which of their residents they're going to sacrifice to Auril's demands, simply give up a day's worth of food instead -- in a community where food has been at a premium for a couple of years now, surrendering food is not really much different than consigning the most vulnerable in that community to death, not that the adventure spends any time really pondering that justifiably horrifying conclusion.

Icy temperatures would allow food to be preserved far longer than would be expected normally.

This, again, seems like a reasonable argument -- after all, we have refrigeration and the ability to freeze food to preserve it, and the folks in Icewind Dale can take advantage of the climate to freeze food for no additional cost.

The problem here is two-fold: not every food can be effectively preserved by freezing, and once frozen, the food becomes inedible until thawed and/or cooked, which requires more resources than Ten Towns really have.

Many of the Ten Towns rely on fishing as their main source of protein, and fish can be fairly easily prepared and frozen. Root vegetables like carrots or onions also freeze pretty well. But leafy vegetables like lettuce, celery, and even some root vegetables like radishes don't freeze well. Likewise eggs, which separate and can lose nutritional value as their proteins are broken up by ice crystals. Milk and other dairy products also don't keep well frozen, with most sources saying that, if you do plan to freeze dairy, you should use it within a month or discard it. Starches made from grain also don't keep well when frozen, with rice and pasta being prime examples of foods that don't need to be frozen before cooking, and shouldn't be frozen after cooking.

More importantly, frozen foods can't be eaten while frozen; they need to be reheated before being consumed. Otherwise, the body spends significant energy simply heating the frozen food in your stomach to the point where nutrients can be extracted from it, resulting in fewer calories that can be spent on normal activity. (The frozen food also lowers your internal body temperature, increasing your risk of hypothermia.) And, as noted in the adventure itself ("Fuel Sources", p.19), Ten Towns residents have a relative lack of fuel to use to heat themselves and their food, with wood actually being at a premium and most residents of larger towns relying on whale oil purchased from whalers who work the Sea of Moving Ice. Whale oil stoves do exist, but they are roughly the size of camp stoves we see today that use kerosene or other fuel sources; there's really no such thing as a stove like the ones we see in our kitchens that run on whale oil.

Hunting and fishing still exist.

Yes, but the original poster's point is that they probably shouldn't.

Lake ecology is fairly straightforward: Light is absorbed by plants and bacteria which produces both oxygen for breathing creatures like fish as well as food for those creatures to eat. Temperature is also an important factor because most species of lake creature don't have internal temperature regulation systems and live at whatever temperature the water they dwell in happens to be. As noted by the original poster, Auril's ritual both reduces sunlight and lowers temperature, so not only should the fish be driven into deeper water where the temperature stays close to what they need to remain alive (and thus become harder to catch), but the lack of light reduces plant life, which lowers both the amount of food the fish have to eat as well as the amount of oxygen they have to breathe, noting as well that, the deeper you go in a lake, the amount of oxygen dissolved in the water naturally decreases, as light can't penetrate beyond a certain depth of water and thus photosynthesis to create oxygen is impossible.

A few months into the first unnatural winter, and the fisherman would be complaining about smaller catches and having to work harder to get them. Two years into the crisis, and it would be a small miracle when any fish is pulled from even the largest unfrozen lake.

(And don't think that since fish can normally survive a winter beneath the surface of a frozen lake means that the fish in Icewind Dale would get off scot-free; again, fish survive a winter of the surface of a lake being frozen by going into a torpor, using less oxygen, and feeding on the plant life that remains uneaten in the unfrozen portions of the lake. If the winter goes on too long, the plants that are eaten don't grow back and the oxygen vanishes, and all the fish die. This is why even if you solve the temperature issue by, say, presuming that some of the lakes are fed by geothermally heated streams of underground water, the lack of sunlight still dooms the fish to annihilation.)

The winter has not necessarily always been this bad, it could easily have progressed over time.

This argument is mere wishful thinking -- it is directly contradicted by the adventure's text: "This powerful magic prevents the next day's sun from rising above the horizon, turning midday into twilight...with no sun or warmth to melt the snow and ice." (p.5)

I could see where someone might argue that the effects of the sun being so restricted might have progressed since the first time Auril cast the spell, but all indications are that Auril began casting this ritual during Icewind Dale's winter, so while the effect may certainly have gotten worse, it's not as though the region went from spring or mid-summer and slid back into winter slowly -- it simply never emerged from the winter that started "over two years ago". It also belies that simply ending Auril's casting of the ritual will fix everything overnight -- if it took two years for things to get this bad, then it's going to take some significant amount of time even after things return to 'normal' for the ecology of the area to recover, which again isn't covered in the adventure.

It isn't pitch black (the sun just hasn't risen over the horizon so there absolutely is daylight every day, must not very much and not for long).

In a world where daylight is magical, maybe the difference between actually seeing the sun and getting its light filtered though the atmosphere would be a distinction that made no difference (though I suspect such a world would still have some effect from actually having the sun in the sky, particularly if the sun is itself divine). There are two factors that make this unlikely in the Realms, though.

First off, most plant that we consider crops require direct sunlight and cannot thrive without it. Fruiting vegetables (like tomatoes, which already don't grow in Icewind Dale), most varieties of grain, and even rice need large amounts of direct sunlight to thrive. Some root vegetables can grow with lesser amounts of light (and interestingly, those vegetables also tend to be the ones that are most frost-tolerant), so carrots and the like could likely still be cultivated, but they'd be rather sickly and nutrient-poor compared to their counterparts in warmer, sunnier climes. Similarly, lake plants that feed fish also tend to prefer direct sunlight, and grow poorly in indirect light, which again speaks to the point about fishing above.

Second, that Icewind Dale has this sort of behavior during its winter normally (nobody seems to think that having only four hours of light a day is unnatural, just unnatural for how long it's been going on) suggests that Icewind Dale is close enough to the equivalent of the Arctic Circle on Earth that its summers should feature very long days with 20 or so hours of sun, and its plants would have adapted to that kind of environment much more than to the relative lack of sun in the winter (since the plants do much of their growing and reproducing in the summer and thus would adapt to that environment more than to the winter period when they tend to be in torpor).

Temperatures are average in the wilderness not in protected buildings, carefully designed settlements, crags, ravines, pine forests, glacier lees.

I'm not really sure what the point of this comment is supposed to be.

For starters, the adventure already knows the above, and incorporates it into its text, specifically in the 'snowflake rating' of each community's Comfort. A community with three snowflakes in Comfort (like Bryn Shander) can find decent food and drink and warm beds, but "a one snowflake town might have a cold shed or attic where characters can crash for the night, and that's about it." (p.21) The smaller the community, the more likely it is to be a one-snowflake town, despite the 'carefully designed settlements' noted in the comment above.

More to the point, some communities, unwilling to either sacrifice their citizens or their food to Auril's demands, appease her by forbidding the lighting of fires between dusk and dawn (which, remember, is nearly the entire day), and "[a]nyone who dares to light a fire is savagely beaten." (p.21)

Out in the wilderness, though, a crag, ravine, or 'glacier lee' (whatever that is; my Google search returns Lee Glacier in Antarctica, and the images returned for that search are not glaciers, but scree and other geologic formations formed from retreating glaciers) may protect you from the wind, which might help with the "as much as 80 degrees" colder that the temperature can feel due to wind chill, but doesn't do anything to make that location any warmer in an absolute sense. Caves can be warmer than ambient temperature if there's a heat source, such as a geothermal fissure or nest of creatures, but even there the best you're normally going to get is respite from the wind, not from the cold.

Finally the most important argument to my mind. Things are really really bad here, sacrifice to evil gods, cannibalism, mass starvation and horror are not measures of a society thriving. People are suffering from the issues and are on their last legs. They are doomed if the heroes don't act. Don't worry about calculating precisely when this should have happened. It happens when the PCs arrive.

This is simply the most cynical and dismissive explanation of all, not least of which because of an odd wrinkle when comparing this adventure to another published hardcover adventure.

The idea that sure, there's a lot of bad stuff that's presumed to have been happening here, but none of it has any real impact on anything until the PCs arrive to do something about it is, at its heart, the most horrifying thing about the adventure. It suggests that having communities form a lottery to determine which of them will be exiled into the wilderness to satisfy a deranged goddess, or savagely beating anyone who dares seek respite from the cold, or any of the other ways in which this society has been warped by the events of Auril's ritual are ultimately meaningless unless a 'hero' is there to note it, give their disapproval, and do something to fix it (specifically, go out and beat up the aforementioned deranged goddess). It posits that the people of Ten Towns are basically powerless to deal with the problem themselves, and in the absence of a 'hero' to deal with it for them, have descended into depravity, madness, and horror, on the verge of no longer being a viable civilization.

It's curious that the adventure should go here, especially given WotC's recent statement affirming that they're trying to achieve greater diversity in D&D. After all, an adventure where a party of adventurers arrive on the scene and violently set things back to 'right' has a not insignificant similarity to a story where a 17-year old takes up weapons, travels to a small Wisconsin town, and shoots people he sees as contributing to unrest there. It's one thing to say that these two things aren't equivalent because the adventure is about heroes and the news event clearly doesn't feature heroism, but that depends on who you ask. If Wizards of the Coast really wants to deal with issues of diversity and human dignity in their role-playing game, they need to do a much better job of not supporting these kinds of narratives in their adventures, rather than just eliminating ability penalties for non-human PC races. (In all honesty, this paragraph probably could and should have been the extent of this article, as it's a very topical issue that highlights deep issues with the very idea of 'heroic narratives', especially in the context of those 'heroes' beating down the 'bad people' and taking their stuff. I honestly couldn't blame someone who found the implications of these narratives disturbing and offensive.)

However, there's also another issue, not as culturally important but arguably more significant to some players' likely experience of the adventure, related to the time in which the adventure takes place. As noted in an early sidebar on "Tendays and Dalereckoning" (p.5), "This adventure is assumed to take place in the winter of 1489 DR or later. The exact date is not important." The problem is that an earlier adventure, Storm King's Thunder, also takes a party of adventurers to Bryn Shander, and that adventure "isn't set at a specific time but is assumed to take place sometime after 1485 DR" (Storm King's Thunder, p.13). On the surface, this wouldn't seem to be a problem, as Storm King's Thunder is assumed to occur 'after 1485', while Auril's ritual would have first been cast sometime during the winter of 1487, giving two years before the actual assumed earliest start of Rime of the Frostmaiden in 1489. However, the tiny section of Rime of the Frostmaiden that deals with Bryn Shander (just five pages) doesn't reference anything about the attack just a few years earlier by frost giants (and nothing in Storm King's Thunder foreshadows Auril's plot save a dim possible connection between Auril and the Ring of Winter, ostensibly why the frost giants are attacking Bryn Shander), and if a DM finishes running his PCs through Storm King's Thunder (as a DM I play with just did) and decides to follow up with Rime, the subtle but significant differences between Storm King's Bryn Shander and Rime's Bryn Shander will be jarring to the players, likely salvageable only through the fact that the PCs those players are running will be different, thus amenable to the idea that the adventure they're now playing takes place significantly after the adventure they just finished, explaining why their previous PCs didn't notice anything amiss about the weather or the behavior of the townsfolk.

Most of these issues aren't insurmountable -- a savvy DM can provide foreshadowing of the events of Rime of the Frostmaiden while running a party through Storm King's Thunder, and one who prefers a more realistic depiction of the climate catastrophe represented by Auril's ritual can shift the time between the first casting of that spell from 'over two years' to just a few months without significant harm. The structure of the adventure itself, though, as with Storm King's Thunder and frankly all the WotC hardcovers, where normal people can't solve problems themselves and must rely on the intervention of self-proclaimed 'heroes' whose activities largely boil down to murdering undesirables and taking their stuff is a harder problem to resolve within the context of what's actually written in the adventures, and arguably makes them problematic on a level that can't really be adapted by any but the most astute and sensitive DM. And if you are that kind of DM, for the money you'd be spending on these adventures, you'll probably be far better off writing your own adventures free of these problematic tropes from the outset rather than having to spend at least as much time and effort untangling them from the so-called 'experts' of D&D adventure and campaign design.

tolcreator's post provides me with yet more reason to regret my purchase of Rime of the Frostmaiden, as well as to discount the well-meaning but ultimately toothless claims by Wizards that they are planning to effectively address issues of diversity and equality within their flagship role-playing game.

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movies-are-magic · 8 years ago

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A Tale Of Love And Darkness

A Tale Of Love And Darkness is the movie adaptation of Amos Oz’ bestseller of the same title. With the book’s epic proportions, myriads of nuances, and being largely autobiographic, this story of a boy growing up in the Jerusalem of the 1940s and 50s, during the founding of the state of Israel, had long been said to be impossible to make into a movie. This task has now been taken on and completed.

Although critically acclaimed, it was difficult to find a cinema screening of this movie, especially in Hebrew. Still, I recommend the effort (the movie is available on DVD etc now), even if there are dubbed versions available.

WARNING: Contains heavy spoilers. If you have neither seen the movie nor read the book, chances are that this text will be difficult to understand.

Where does one start with this movie? It is a mysterious work, one that does not explain, and where it does, you still have to find out on your own what you have just heard and seen. This, perhaps, is the largest difference between the book and the movie. Where the book consists of hundreds and hundreds of pages, so many tales, so much detail, narrated by the author himself, all those memories from his childhood, the movie manages to pick all those bits and pieces, so many tiny yet important things, and combines them all into a tightly woven tale of only one and a half hours.

Just like the book, the movie has a first perspective narrator, who is Amos Oz in later years, when he writes his book. This is not the constant voice of the pages though, through which everything is filtered. The movie starts very differently, with something that is only a small part of the written story: with the storytelling game Fania keeps playing with her little son Amos.

It is a beautiful caprice in an otherwise strict, almost restrained way of storytelling, and it works very well in its context: the fantasy tales this woman imagines in contrast to the harsh reality she and her family live in become the frame for the narrative, a very different approach to the story compared to the book. Of this, almost the entire first half is left out, which largely consists of Amos’ relatives recounting their lives, as well as records of their living circumstances. The movie focuses more closely on Fania and leaves out much of the family history, as well as the dramas enfolding in Amos’ life as he grows up, insofar as his parents are not concerned.

Taking all these explanations out of the movie, instead of, for example, having the narrator explain them all, and making this a much longer story, was a brave decision, but it works. It works because despite focussing so much on his mother, this is still very much Amos’ story and therefore the essence of the book, rendered well into the medium of film because we are shown, not told, how he sees what happens around him – often literally so, when the camera takes his point of view from where his eye level would be, or in the scene under the tree, where Amos sees his happily smiling parents upside-down, which is funny, then strangely predicting… and suddenly interrupted by the sound of a shot close-by. In this way, the movie leaves behind a feeling that there are things the audience does not understand, because as a child, Amos could not either.

Before I venture into more of the characters, let me just say quickly how beautiful the movie is made: it looks and feels authentic, never exaggerated, and instead relies on certain detail, such as the agitated making of borscht and the used looks of household items and furniture, to convey an aliveness that speaks out of the screen. The colours of the pictures have been carefully chosen, and while it is obvious how they change from warm yellows and oranges in the beginning to dull blues and greys toward the end, and finally to black with either weak or harsh bits of cold light, sometimes there are surprises, like the entirely yellow tinges in Amos’ fantasy stories.

From the very first moment, the movie brings out the special bond Fania shares with her son, and their shared gift of seeing the world in deep accuracy. The decision to have the two ‘act’ in the stories Fania tells is a wonderful way of conveying the feeling of literally being inside the narrative, and painfully so in the end. At some point it becomes clear that Fania’s marriage to her husband Jehuda Arie, although apparently harmonic, is not a happy one, and that Amos cannot be the one to save her, on whom she can rely – but he thinks that it should be him. Just as much as this is too much to ask from a child, from anyone, it is also excruciating to see Amos adapt some of his mother’s habits of punishing herself when she does not ‘function’ the way the world wants her to, when she is not the model wife and housekeeper, that she does not fit in.

I have no way to avoid this topic, so if you do not want a massive spoiler, I’d suggest you stop reading here. It is named early in both book and movie though.

Neither the book nor the movie blame anyone for Fania’s suicide. There were accusations, as Amos Oz describes in his book, for example towards his father, and he himself also blamed himself massively. Finally though, there is no answer, and if there were one, it would not be simple. However, with the book’s accurate descriptions of the peculiar, sometimes tragically absurd behaviour of human beings, the story becomes incredibly relatable, but also shockingly personal and open. It is all the more astonishing because, as written in the book, almost all of this detail comes from memory, especially as most of Fania’s things were thrown away after her death. Still the narrative is as alive as if there had been a recorder running while the characters speak. That this novel is such a bestseller has been partly accounted to its many tales of immigrants, to which a lot of people in the world can relate, but I think it is also about this personal approach to the reader. You care about these people, with all their faults and weaknesses that render them so real and often amiable, and you start to feel that there is something wrong. But as so often the case, it is impossible to guess what made Fania choose death. To go there, to show that, and to abstain from easy platitudes and fluff-mongering, that is brave. The movie does not stray from the book’s way of storytelling here.

Natalie Portman insisted on making her movie in Hebrew because of the book’s many relations to the language, not only in its descriptions of the founding of the state Israel, which Amos is shown witnessing as a boy, but in a great lot of things: his family’s love for books, everyone writing including his father and, sometimes, his mother, every neighbour and friend writing, Arie’s tries of making jokes about related words and etymologies (he spoke and understood a great number of languages), a book Amos had been reading falling down when the final tragic event is announced, even single letters, א and מ, which stand for political parties, but as Amos runs past them to find Fania sitting on her own in the rain, they combine to אמא, ‘mother’. (please do correct me if I’m wrong here, my grasp of the Hebrew language is limited to a mere handful of words)

None of this detail has been left out of the movie, and while both book and movie have been accused of not being political, that is simply not true. They are, the book explicitly so, the movie a little less, and they bring their point across. But maybe these critics were looking for a simple opinion to print in a big bold headline, which is not provided. Instead, the narrative links history, politics, and personal life, the way Amos witnessed them when he was a child, and in the book, also about the years to follow. There could be no more raw account of what happened, and mixed with the authentic pictures from the times, the movie leaves its impressions just as strongly as it does when it shows the family’s private struggles.

Where the movie is relatively consistent in its timeline, the book oscillates back and forth in time, over the years, but more and more closely toward Fania’s suicide, like a pendulum finally stopping at its deepest point. Still, there are very little actual changes to the book, and where they happen, it is usually in highlighting or leaving out, not in actual difference. For example, when Amos is sent to spend the day with a childless couple who are friends of his parents, he is told by his father about the links of the word childlessness with expressions such as darkness. While the words are spoken in the movie, Fania is shown bringing her son, and then leaving on her own through a narrow alley, passing a corner – and once the camera turns around that corner, she is gone.

This is one of the many little ways symbolising the movie’s take on Amos’ view of things, maybe his view on them from the present. As Fania later keeps insisting that it is okay if her husband spends the night elsewhere while she is sick, that Amos would be there for her, the feeling that only her son’s presence is giving her a reason to struggle on with her depression grows stronger and stronger. Maybe Amos really is the only person to see his mother the way she truly is, the way his father can never understand her. Who, although being angry about her, saying that she is ‘punishing’ him to his son, is shown as helpless as he is, not as someone guilty of having done anything to her, but someone who cannot deal with the situation at all.

Apart from Fania’s storytelling, there is another tiny part of the book which the movie has picked up as part of its narrative frame. As Amos tries to explain to himself his mother’s death, he imagines her imagination of a hero to save her, a brave soldier, a strong pioneer, a handsome lover, someone who is successful at everything and so not like his clumsy, bookish (but real and lovable) father, and who would save Fania from her misery. In the book, this figure is shortly mentioned being Death himself, who lures in Fania until he takes her with him. In the movie, we see him more often, most notably when he is a Rabbi praying on a cliff, with Fania standing incredulously next to him, shortly before she kills herself. If someone could explain the cultural and religious subtext of this scene, I’d be very grateful.

Fania sees this person once more as she dances with him through the rain in the night of her suicide. But what she also sees is her son, not the little boy, but the aged narrator of the story, through a café window. This is not in the book, and it is such a painful, intense moment, it makes me wonder what inspired it. Is this a nod to the author?

In interviews Natalie Portman said that the story also describes Amos’ ‘birth’ as an author, and there are many hints to that. Most important is the movie’s last scene though, when the narrator is shown writing אמא, ‘mother’, into an empty notebook. It sums up the story so well in so many aspects, the language, writing, books, both Amos’ mother and father, it comes as the perfect ending to a both personal and global story, one of family and one of death, of so many things that even now it is hard to find words for it.

If I had not known beforehand that this was Natalie Portman’s directorial feature debut, I would not have believed it. Nor that she wrote the script (during no less than eight years) and still managed to act her part so well, too, just as all the actors and actresses put on stunning performances. There is a language of pictures, timing, sound and music to this movie, insight into the story, the characters, of how people and objects are put into scenes, of symbolism, of artistic measures that are handled and reined with such sure hands, which many makers of movies with much more experience behind the camera do not show. It left me stunned, and as much as the book is a revelation, the movie adaptation deserves this description no less. I am very much looking forward to more.

#A Tale Of Love And Darkness #Natalie Portman #Amos Oz #review

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hurakadli-blog · 5 years ago

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My father was not a hero and yet I looked upto him

I never thought I would pen down this and I had almost quit blogging (Even tumblr said my account was non existent and my previous blogs were not visible. I had to retrieve the password and re-activate the account). And here I am, writing this in the most truthful manner possible, baring and sharing some memories.

I lost my 77 year old father very recently and a lot of things have been running on my mind since then. I felt writing and sharing this with my close family and friends might give some peace to me. I really dont know.

My father was not a hero and yet I looked upto him in almost all walks of my life - unknowingly, unwillingly in most places and admirably in few places may be. Infact, my wife keeps telling me that I’m a lot like my father ( and I always thought I was like my mother). My father was a completely self made man. He lost his parents very early in his life and pretty much became a doctor on his own. He sold cigarettes, pens, notebooks and other small student essentials in his medical college hostel to meet his tuition fees and daily expenses. Every penny he spent on himself and what he has left for us now was earned by him. I cannot even imagine how he could do that.

Me and my sister, while growing up, always thought money was always there with us. My father was very miserly and always looked for ‘sasta and tikaoo’ items when he took us for shopping school essentials like shoes, school bags, notebooks etc. and more often than not we ended up getting cheap, barely decent, but strong items. We always wondered why he was like that and very obvious to that age, deprived feelings started accumulating within, which years later, came out in the form of extreme anger. Now, if I look back, I think a part of that was probably justified. But I’m still not convinced he did the right things. Even today, I spend very wisely ( still always looking at price tags first and product later!). Blood is thicker than water for a reason and not just like that.

Contrary to many families, my father introduced me to Hindi movies. Back then when I was in middle and high school, there was only 1 TV channel - DD1 at my home. DD1 used to broadcast 1 Hindi movie each on Friday night and Saturday night every week at 9.30pm. I have watched every single Amitabh Bachchan angry young man classic movie with my dad. How amazing is that! Amar Akbar Anthony, Muqqaddar ka sikandar, Parwana, Suhaag, Roti,Kapda Aur Makaan, Don, Namak Halaal, Namak Haram, Mard, Coolie, Kaala Pathhar, Deewar, Khuda Gawah, Naseeb, the timeless classic Sholay - we have watched almost everything together. Much to the dismay of others, we have even watched Bobby, Satyam Shivam Sundaram and Aradhana together. Even till date, a lot of friends and colleagues wonder how I can converse in Hindi so fluently inspite of being a South Indian. Some of them attribute that to my studying days in Pilani, Rajasthan. However, only I know that it is all because of the countless Hindi movies I have watched with my dad. And yet he didnt’t watch a single movie in theatre in 35 years.

With my father, it was always either his way or highway. There was no midway. This was applicable to any stranger or his own wife or son or brothers ( I’m intentionally leaving out daughter from this list as I have my doubts there as he always had a special soft spot for her) in exactly the same manner. He was a really stubborn man. It was always a digital relationship status with him either 1 or 0. By nature, he was a very limited conversationalist and even in that he would talk only to people he liked and never said a hi or hello to the people he didn’t like. It used to be very frustrating and irritating for all of us in the immediate family. But 1 thing about this also was that he never talked ill of the people he disliked at their back. He never had a double faced personality. I have always criticized this side of him. But of late, in last 2-3 years, I started realising how difficult a trait it was, to follow what you stand for, under any circumstances. Easier said than followed. But he was what he was and always stood his ground, right or wrong. I may not be proud of a lot of his actions because of this, but I’m definitely super proud of his rock solid firm attitude. I would want to develop that firm attitude some day.

Like any other father-son relationship, even ours was a very complex one, filled with more fights than normal conversations. My father was a rebel and never listened to his father. I am a born rebel and hence I never listened to my father. Conflicts were bound to occur. ( Now that, I have a son, my wife keeps telling me what goes around comes back. I hope not). Back in 2002, he wanted me to pursue a career in medicine while I wanted to study engineering. This led to a major faceoff in the house and we didnt talk to each other for quite sometime. And then later after I completed my engineering, he wanted to me go to the US or Europe for pursuing higher studies. This time around again I backed off and decided to stay back in India and disappointed him again. He never wanted any of his children to stay back in India ( a wish his daughter is fulfilling now). As destiny would have it, I was in the US for a very short 2 week trip when my father fell critically ill for the last time.

My father was a liberal and conservative both. For some reason known only to him, he firmly believed that every individual should be financially independent, especially every woman in every single household. All along in my entire life till now, I have not seen any other husband encourage his wife's career and put her career over his, more than my father. Back in 1992, when my parents decided to pursue post graduation in medicine, they got seats only for D.Ortho and D.G.O ( both diploma seats). This meant that they would never be on par with MD doctors and they would never be professors if at all they decided to join any medical college. Having understood this quickly, my father bargained hard with the college management for an arrangement wherein he would forego his D.Ortho seat in return for a MD (OBG) seat for my mother, which didn't happen. This truly showed how much he cared for my mother's career at the cost of his own career. Very recently, after my wife gave birth to my son and after my sister gave birth to my nephew, he was very keen on both of them joining back to work although he never said a single word to either of them. When both of them joined back to work, he rejoiced in his own characteristic silent manner without showing anything to either of them.

As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, my parents started their post graduation in 1992 and finished that in 1994. So, my father was 50 and my mother was 40 when they started their post graduation. No big deal! Just that most people would start planning their retirement at the age of 52 while my father was planning a new career. Right now, I'm 35 years old and I get so frustrated and scared when people around me talk about switching to a new verification methodology or changing the work domain. When he planned his career move, his teaching staff and professors were younger than him and made fun of his big pot belly and age in front of others. ( I got to know this first hand from one of his professors, much younger to him, visited our home much later in 2000 or so). My mother never wanted to pursue post graduation as she lacked confidence at the age of 40. Today, my mother is a reasonably successful gynaecologist in Shimoga. She credits a large part of her little success to my father. Had he not pushed her, she would have been a general practitioner even now.

While growing up, I always used to wonder why would any patient come to get treated from a gutka betel leaf chewing, curtly speaking insensitive doctor who gave injections in such painful manner.( I never took injections from him except for once and I got treated by a different orthopaedic doctor when I broke my left hand once). And his handwriting was horrific. ( He himself struggled to read he wrote). I found answer to this question years later when I understood what medical profession involved. There are 2 aspects to medical treatment for any ailment - Diagnosis and Appropriate treatment. While most of us patients are really interested in getting the treatment and moving on with life, we fail to understand that if the ailment is not diagnosed properly, it cannot be treated. Bingo!! My father's expertise was diagnosis and not treatment. I have heard so many stories over the years about his dead accurate diagnosis now. People used to just come to him and show the reports and wait for him to speak. He would probably say 1 or 2 sentences in a very straightforward manner without mincing words and they accepted that gladly.

I have way too many memories which are coming to me now. But I neither have the sufficient skillset to write a book nor the time to do so. I will keep those for myself. In a nutshell, he was a very simple, hard working, short tempered, stubborn man who pretty much kept to himself and stayed in that special room in our home where breathed his last, watching political news on TV almost all the time while he was at home.

People who know me know that I'm a very big fan of Leander Paes. Lately, I started finding a lot of similarities between my father's and Leander Paes - both had their share of near death experiences and both fought through them and emerged as winners on more than one occassion, both eccentric, both with "dont give a fuck" attitude to the world.( Ofcourse my father didn't have many privileges which Paes enjoyed). If anyone is following Paes lately, he is urging his fans to support him in his "One Last Roar" campaign in 2020, at the end of which he will retire. My father last ate food on 22nd January 2020. He could not consume food for last 22 days of his life which has eaten me since his death. He didn't get his chance for "One Last Roar" and he passed away silently in his sleep on my parents 40th wedding anniversary on February 13th 2020.

Given a chance and choice, I would like to be reborn to same parents 100 times again with everything unchanged. I would like to grow up with my father, have the same fights all over again, probably in a more fierceful manner. However, next time around, I would want him to enjoy his life more.

As much as I would like to write as per norm "Rest in peace Appaji", I will not do that.

I sign off with this note " Keep roaring wherever you are in that other world Appaji", because I always liked seeing you that way.

0 notes

mayarosa47 · 5 years ago

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Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

In colonial times, and even after independence, divorce law in the United States varied widely across the states, with southern states generally more inclined toward the English aversion to absolute divorce than their northern counterparts. By the late nineteenth century, every state had moved to a fault-based divorce regime, which authorized absolute divorce, but only for an innocent spouse who could prove that the other spouse had engaged in serious marital misconduct. Such misconduct typically included adultery, cruelty, or abandonment. Without proof of such wrongdoing, divorce was unavailable, no matter that the spouses disliked or even hated each other.

By the end of World War II, a shifting emphasis on individual happiness rather than family stability had sparked questions about the legitimacy of fault-based divorce laws, which were increasingly viewed as pesky anachronisms. Not surprisingly, spousal collusion was widespread. If both spouses wanted out of the marriage, they could game the system by together fabricating grounds for divorce. This collusion was no secret: the courts, the clerks, the lawyers, the parties—virtually everyone—was aware of its reality, but distaste for restrictive divorce laws led most to look the other way. For a time, collusion effectively transformed many fault-based laws into mutual-consent divorce regimes.

While fault-based restrictions on divorce and the collusion they inspired were not the finest moment in the history of American family law, this scheme did offer some protection to caregivers—at least to caregivers who had not committed marital fault and whose spouses were eager to escape the marriage. Such “innocent” caregivers could bargain for financial concessions, offering to collude in manufacturing grounds for divorce in return for a bigger share of marital property or generous alimony settlement. Of course, not every caregiver was innocent. Nor was every caregiver less eager to leave the marriage than her spouse or willing to lie to a court about the existence of grounds for divorce in order to improve her economic positioning. At most, fault based divorce threw a few bargaining chips to some innocent caregivers.

At least in theory, fault-based divorce regimes also protected some innocent caregivers by providing a rationale for alimony. In an analogy to contract, a spouse who engages in marital misconduct might be said to have breached the marriage contract and thus be liable for alimony as damages. Under this reasoning, a husband who committed adultery, for example, would be required to pay alimony to an injured caregiver. Of course, such a fault-based rationale for alimony would protect only caregivers who are innocent and whose mates are guilty; that is, no innocent spouse would ever pay alimony and no guilty spouse would ever receive alimony.

Alimony has a terrible reputation. For many, the word triggers nasty visions of the abused male, as indolent young women enjoy a country club lifestyle at the expense of their hardworking yet impoverished ex-husbands. Such visions, though largely mythical, seem close to the core of no-fault statutes that discouraged indefinite-term alimony. Early no-fault courts were powerfully seduced by visions of spousal rehabilitation.

Rehabilitative alimony seemed to offer a solution for everyone. If divorcing caregivers could be swiftly retrained, both spouses would soon be freed to begin new lives. Everyone would be happy—financially autonomous caregivers and their alimony-free ex-spouses, no-fault theorists advocating a clean break at divorce, and feminists shunning the need for male support.

Seek the assistance of an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you have decided to divorce your spouse. Once you decide to divorce your spouse, “be prepared for a fight”. You shouldn’t be surprised if your spouse becomes angry about the divorce because dissolving a marriage can bring out the worst in people. Some pre-divorce financial planning can ensure that your interests, and those of your children, are well-protected. For starters, get copies of the statements of all of your joint financial obligations, including those accounts with brokerage houses, credit card companies and other debtors. Also, secure insurance policies, bank and loan statements, pension plan documents, mortgage payments, recent tax returns and estate planning information.

Depending on how you believe your spouse will react, it may be best to keep your plans for divorce under wraps until you have all of the information you need to support your case. If you fear your spouse will try to take money from your accounts or hide important papers, you can ask a judge to intervene on your behalf. On the other hand, you don’t want to be antagonistic either. A divorce fight means that “both of you will be living your lives by your lawyers’ rules and that’s not a good thing. When you’re compiling information, take inventory. Early on, you’ll need to determine what things you want to take with you when you leave the marriage, unless it’s already been predetermined in a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement. The two basic legal terms for dividing property are equitable distribution and community property. Under equitable distribution, assets, earnings and debts are divided “fairly”–although this doesn’t necessarily mean a 50-50 split. Two-thirds of the assets are often given to the spouse with the higher earnings and the remaining one-third to the other spouse

At some point, you may need to consult with an accountant or some other resource to determine your tax liability under certain special circumstances. For example, the payments you receive from your spouse’s pension plan or IRA are taxable when you actually withdraw the money, but you may not know this unless you seek the advice of a professional. You can use the same resources to determine whether you receive any tax benefits from the payments you make toward your spouse’s medical costs, rent, tuition, life insurance or other expenses. Alimony payments, whether they are rehabilitative (for a limited period of time to help a nonworking spouse upgrade skills) or permanent (usually awarded to a spouse suffering from physical or mental illness), can also impact property distribution, especially if one party is able to exchange property for alimony payments, but this can only be decided in court.

In the meantime, make a list of all of the property you and your spouse own, put an “H” or “W” next to the husband’s or wife’s separate property, including debts. Then determine which items you would like to keep after the divorce. In making these assessments, ask yourself (and your lawyer) these three questions: (1) How much is it worth to me in today’ s dollars? (2) How likely is it that I will win? and (3) What is it costing me to fight about it?

Getting answers to these three questions can help you avoid some pretty costly battles. Most people don’t know how to ask these questions and their attorneys don’t know how to answer them. But you shouldn’t make a move unless you understand how your actions impact your future.

One of the little secrets about divorce is that most people don’t spend a lot of money. There are a lot of assumptions that people make about divorce that just aren’t true. For example, it’s widely believed that you absolutely need a lawyer to get a divorce. In fact, there are people who get through a divorce without hiring a lawyer, especially if they don’t stand a chance of losing anything. But it is not advisable to do so. If the couple trust each other and don’t have any issues relating to property or children, they don’t necessarily need an attorney.

On the other hand, “You shouldn’t be penny-wise and pound-foolish”. You can pay an attorney for a consultation and they can give you an assessment of your situation in five minutes. This will help you get some of your questions answered and determine whether you feel comfortable handling the divorce yourself. You can always retain an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer later if necessary.

If you do choose to hire a lawyer to handle your case, it doesn’t have to break you financially. Instead of having the lawyer do all of the footwork, tell him that you can walk the paperwork to the court yourself. Be honest with your attorney and tell him that you don’t have a lot of money but you are willing to help. Most lawyers will be open to this. There is also the process of “unbundling,” or what is referred to as “supermarket shopping for divorce.” This is where you pay a lawyer for some services but opt to complete others yourself. Anything that you can do on your own, you shouldn’t pay a lawyer to do it.

Another time and money saver takes place in the court-room. Before your case comes up, watch at least one divorce case in progress. Check with the superior court clerk and ask them when divorce court is in session. Then sit in on divorce proceedings. This will give you a chance to see the divorce process in action, assess the atmosphere of the courtroom, learn what the judge will ask for and see how issues which may apply in your case are dealt with.

Whether you represent yourself or use an attorney, estimate how much you think your divorce will cost–up front–so you can make all of your payments in a timely fashion. At a bare minimum, you’ll need to pay court filing and service fees; a service charge for the court to serve your spouse with your complaint. Attorney fees vary widely, according to the attorney’s experience and geographical area. But you can expect those lawyers that specialize in divorce matters to charge more than a general attorney. When the plaintiff hires the attorney, a fee is set. Initially, the plaintiff gives the attorney a retainer, but the balance must be paid before the trial date.

Open communication between a husband and wife provides the most valuable protection against a costly divorce, but sometimes lawyers, hurt feelings and pride interfere. Of course you don’t want to talk to your spouse. You’re getting a divorce, and one of the main reasons you’re getting one is a difficulty in your relationship with your spouse. However, if you can’t talk to your spouse, your divorce will take longer and cost more. In all likelihood, it will probably hurt more too, because things will drag out and you will realize at some point that you have lost control.

Adversarial divorces cost too much money, take too long, inflict too much pain and leave both spouses feeling like losers. In an adversarial divorce, you, your spouse, your lawyer, your spouse’s lawyer and the judge all have to be present and ready to take action. If any one of these parties is absent or unprepared, your case will probably be at a standstill until it comes up again on the calendar–and that could take several weeks, maybe months. And because your case is dependent on when your lawyer as well as your spouse’s lawyer have openings in their calendars, there could be lengthy delays.

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Shared parenting or joint custody would be the most equitable solution for divorcing couples. Both parents should contribute to the emotional and financial welfare of the child. The court will generally adhere to any agreement the two parties reach, provided it won’t harm the child. Aside from custody and visitation issues, your arrangement should also stipulate which parent can claim the children as tax deductions. Once child custody issues are resolved, start planning for a brighter future.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

When you get the papers, there is a sinking feeling in your stomach. It’s no wonder. Most people rate divorce as one of life’s most stressful events and it’s often difficult to repair the financial and emotional damage. Divorce causes people to act abnormally.

It also helps to base your decisions on the facts rather than your feelings. Long warns against suing for material goods or financial amounts that are way out of your spouse’s reach. Regardless of what your lawyer says, you know the earning ability of your mate and you should try to work within that framework. If you’re willing to compromise you can do a lot better.

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

The parties are able to agree among themselves and enter into an agreement that includes provisions for child support, visitation and property division, and they request that the agreement be incorporated in the final decree, or The plaintiff files the complaint and the defendant was served but has never answered, or The plaintiff does not know the whereabouts of the defendant and it is done by publication.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Legal advice should be obtained from an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer at an early stage before any final decisions are taken. Divorce is, after all, a legal process. No responsible solicitor or other adviser will recommend that divorce be undertaken lightly because its consequences, unless they can be agreed, may be unforeseeable. Too frequently, couples separate and make separate arrangements without finding out whether the agreed solution is feasible. Of course if a marriage between financially independent partners ends in circumstances where there are no dependent children it may be that that neither wishes to incur the costs of legal advice; and the only significant asset may be a home which is to be sold and its proceeds equally divided. Many eventualities can be anticipated which should be considered and prepared for in advance. It would be unfortunate if, having divorced on an agreed basis, the husband or wife were later to lose work or earning capacity and find that there was no possibility of claiming maintenance from the other. Equally, if a claim for maintenance was made in a petition and was not dismissed later by an agreed order, the later inheritance of money by the other party could result in a financial claim being pursued.

There are limits to what divorce and financial proceedings can achieve. One purpose of early legal advice is to obtain information as to the likely range of settlement which, in each case, it may be possible to expect. If a client is prepared to discuss matters with his or her spouse in an attempt to resolve matters it may be useful to refer the couple to mediation. Mediation is a process designed to help couples resolve their disputes in relation to children and money. There are many different models, some involving one mediator and others two. It can take place before or during the divorce and financial proceedings. It may result in no agreement at all or agreement on some or all issues. Each party should always obtain independent legal advice on the proposed terms of settlement.

The format of mediation meetings is informal and first names are generally used between the mediators and their clients. The emphasis is on forward-looking discussion rather than on analysis of the breakdown which concentrates on the past; this does not exclude discussion of the past but rather emphasises the need to plan solutions. The second session is preceded by completion by each party of a very detailed financial questionnaire. The number of sessions in the course of which terms of settlement may be worked out is between three and six. If proposals are made which can be agreed they will be set out in a summary prepared by the mediators. The agreement is ‘without prejudice’. It is fundamentally important that clients should obtain independent advice before entering into a legally binding agreement. Whether agreement is finally reached or not, the disclosure of financial information, and often other information verified by the necessary documentation, can save solicitors time and the clients legal costs. There is a point in negotiations where delay on one party’s side may have so prolonged the tension, and increased the costs, that an application for ancillary relief should be made to the court for it to determine the matter. The fact that proceedings have been instituted should be a trigger to more purposeful negotiations. External events may complicate or facilitate settlement prospects. A child may leave university and get a job. One of the parties may get a better job or lose one. The housing market in the area may change with the advent of a new firm or the disappearance of another. One party may develop a new relationship. An experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer will provide details of guidelines used by the court in settlement of financial claims, and in cases involving children will be familiar with the different kinds of arrangement which can be made.

One or both parties to a marriage may be deterred from proceedings because of the uncertain outcome of the financial applications they may make or of their applications in relation to the children; they should always be aware of the time, energy and costs which will be consumed. Separation may be an easier alternative in the short or medium term; divorce after all is not compulsory. On the other hand if, having obtained all the necessary information and advice, it is essential for the well-being of the family and the individuals to proceed, negotiations to lead to a divorce should begin.

The rates of solicitors vary according to location, the experience of the solicitor and his or her reputation. The most experienced are not necessarily the best, and the cheapest may not be inexperienced, but when charging, more experienced solicitors will cost more than newly qualified solicitors, and solicitors cost more than trainees. However, more experienced solicitors may do the work more quickly and may adopt an overall approach that will lead to less tension and lower costs. What no solicitor can do is to control the conduct of the case unilaterally. If opposed by a solicitor who is determinedly litigious or if his or her client will not try to compromise in order to achieve a settlement, costs will inevitably increase. If junior staff are employed they should be strictly supervised. The partners of a firm are professionally liable for negligence, that is, failing in their duty to their clients, with the result of loss or damage. This liability extends to liability for the work of their staff.

A matter may be resolved before it is heard. If so, costs will be one of the terms to be agreed. Frequently, after a case has been contested and the parties reach an agreement to avoid a hearing there is an agreement that there should be no order as to costs. A judge at the end of a contested hearing may also make no order as to costs. There are many varieties of order. Where it is necessary to make an application for a financial questionnaire to be answered, the spouse making the application will seek costs against the other. It may be necessary to take steps to obtain or enforce orders in relation to affidavit or other evidence. Where the applicant has merit on his or her side, costs may be awarded in his or her favour or they may be ‘reserved’. In that case an order for them must be asked at the eventual hearing. There are of course cases where there is nothing to be lost by making plain in the affidavit evidence filed at the court what an applicant or respondent’s position is; and the terms offered or the terms which he or she is prepared to accept can then be set out in the affidavit.

The value of a sensible offer, open or without prejudice, is that it can protect the party making it from payment of the subsequent costs of the other party. If the offer is rejected and if the order made by the court is not as favourable to the other party as the offer would have been, the party who made the offer can seek costs from the date the offer was made. Costs are a matter entirely in the court’s discretion and because the outcome is uncertain each litigant has to budget for meeting his or her costs as the case progresses. Where at the end of the case, having paid his or her own costs throughout, a litigant is ordered to pay the opponent’s costs he or she may well have to sell some of the assets recovered in order to do so.

Child Support

Divorce can swiftly end a marriage, but the economic consequences can last a lifetime. As with many aspects of family law, the law governing the economic consequences of divorce underwent a dramatic shift during the twentieth century. In broad brush, husbands lost exclusive control and ownership of property during and after marriage; more and more they had to share ownership during marriage with wives, who had strong claims to property upon dissolution; the common-law tradition that relied on strict (and unequal) gender roles shifted to a more egalitarian approach. Yet even under the modern rules, women suffer more financially than men after divorce.

These changes, despite their importance, took place quietly, with little fanfare. Also, in a way, modern law was shaped not only by the way in which gender roles have changed, but by the way they have remained the same for many couples. The common-law system assumed that women would stay home as housewives and this was mostly true. Modern law has to take into account the persistence of traditional patterns, in which still more women than men never work, quit working, or work less in order to keep house and raise children, and therefore have less wealth and earning power than their husbands.

There are two basic questions: who gets what right now (property division), and should either spouse share in the other’s future earnings (spousal support). The answers are far from simple. These issues are “the main concern in divorce negotiation in lawyers’ offices and the major time in litigation,” particularly since no-fault divorce eliminated most fights about whether a marriage would dissolve

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

The common-law system of marital property had two defining features: coverture during marriage, and a title-based system of distribution at divorce. The principle of coverture suspended the wife’s legal identity during marriage. For all practical purposes, husbands controlled family property. Husbands were supposed to support their wives, but the doctrine of marital privacy usually made this duty all but unenforceable.3 However, once coverture was abolished by the Married Women’s Property Acts, married women could own property, and earn money, in their own right. But what happened after a divorce? The common-law system revolved around a basic, if crude, principle: eat what you kill. In so-called separate property states, everything in the husband’s name went with him; everything in the wife’s name with her. Spouses, in other words, did not acquire ownership rights in one another’s property simply because they were married.

When combined with coverture, the title-based system was potentially devastating for wives. Although the system spoke of “separate property,” coverture prevented wives from holding or acquiring separate property during marriage. They had usually turned premarital property over to their husbands upon marriage, and any property acquired during marriage was at least initially in his name as well. Thus, when the time came to divide property, a court could award most or all of the property to the husband. Some courts, it seems, often split property between spouses—disguised as “alimony,” or simply by ignoring formal law. But without a system that clearly authorized redistributing property, wives could be left destitute. Coverture disappeared, but the title-based system remained. The shift from an agricultural to a wage economy further stratified gender roles. In an industrial society, men, by and large, brought home the bacon; women worked at home. A woman who brought property into the marriage kept hold of it, but most women had no such property. South Carolina (once it allowed divorce at all) was unique in applying a “special equity” doctrine, which allowed courts to grant a wife a share of her husband’s property upon divorce if she could prove she had made financial or other contributions that helped her husband acquire it. This was an exception to the rule that ownership flowed from title, but did nothing to alter the basic problem— wives had little chance as an initial matter to hold or acquire title to property. Equitable distribution is the “modern” answer to the unfairness of the traditional system of allocating property at divorce. A judge, basically, can ignore legal title, and redistribute property in the name of fairness. Many states had “some form of equitable distribution as early as the 1930s.” But these early statutes were vague and left everything to judicial discretion. Fault was the dominant guiding principle in property division, as it was in alimony law.

With the spread of no-fault divorce in the 1970s, a broader approach to equitable distribution took hold in all separate property states. Equitable distribution statutes have survived any number of legal challenges; courts have uniformly ruled that states have the power to reallocate property between husband and wife upon dissolution of marriage. By the mid-1980s, the common-law system of allocating property at divorce based solely on title was finished.

During a divorce proceeding, property is retroactively labeled as “separate property” or ��marital property,” depending on when and how it was acquired. “Marital property” is defined much like “community property”: property earned by either spouse during marriage. Separate property, more or less, is everything else. Once a couple’s property has been inventoried and classified, each piece is assigned a value and allocated according to the statutory guidelines.

Although either party to a marriage could initiate a divorce action, in reality the large majority of those seeking fault-based divorces were men. The reasons for this were probably many, but two, in particular, are often cited. First, men were less stigmatized for being divorced, and many quickly remarried anyway. Second, and perhaps more significant, more married men could “afford” to get divorced while most married women, with little earned income and often children to be cared for, did not have the luxury of being unhappy in their marriages and seeking fulfillment elsewhere. Of course, in extreme cases some women were compelled to leave a marriage, and some did. But in most cases it was the men who sought to be divorced, and often a suitable ground had to be fabricated.

Because of the nature of the fault system of divorce, a wife typically had substantial leverage over a husband seeking divorce because he often needed her cooperation to try to demonstrate the presence of fault grounds in order to obtain his divorce. Assuming that the wife was not guilty of a genuine fault ground, she would use her leverage to coerce a desirable financial settlement in the divorce proceeding. Child custody was rarely an issue since everyone assumed, in the usual case, that the mother would retain custody. At the same time, however, she also had a greater need for support for herself and the children. Thus the wife might offer to cooperate with a consent decree if her husband was willing to meet certain financial conditions. This meant that she would not contest that there were statutory grounds for the divorce, but rather consent that they were, in fact, present. In essence, the man would buy his wife’s agreement to the divorce by offering her an adequate economic package.

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

In 1970, California became the first state in the country to adopt a no-fault-based ground for divorce. Since that time, virtually every other state has passed some form of no-fault legislation. Now commonly known as no-fault divorce, any married person seeking a divorce can file such a petition with or without the consent of a spouse. The petition alleges, in essence, that there has been an “irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage and that a divorce is sought on that basis. The traditional “fault” grounds may or may not be present, and when the case is heard both parties have an opportunity to complain of the misdeeds of the other.

The no-fault system has developed as a part of a significant divorce-law reform whose purpose was to end the charade of perjured testimony and falsified evidence that permitted consent decrees under the fault system. In practice, no-fault has had a significant negative economic impact on the women and children of divorce. When a husband who wants to end his marriage can simply file a petition alleging that the marriage is irretrievably damaged, he leaves his wife without a defense to such an allegation and without a bargaining tool to provide for herself and her children.

Although initially hailed as a rational and responsive measure to an issue that substantially affected the lives of many, no-fault divorce resulted in many unanticipated consequences, primarily for children and those women whose occupation was that of a homemaker. In fact, the fallout of no-fault divorce has been so disastrous for women and children that in many cases it has severely reduced or totally eliminated their ability to obtain the financial security customarily granted to them.

Another major consequence of the reform of the divorce laws has been that child custody practices have changed. In earlier days, child custody was almost automatically awarded to the mother unless she was deemed unfit. This favored stay-at-home mothers whose “occupation” was to raise their children. The mothers and children were generally assured of a support award, primarily because mothers were the primary caretakers, and maternal custody resulted in continuity of child care.

Today women who seek to stay at home and be supported by their ex-husbands face an uphill battle. First, economic circumstances often make it prohibitive, because many divorced fathers cannot even support themselves, let alone pay adequate child support and support two households without a second income. The consequence has been that mothers must return to the work force, at least on a part-time basis. Second, many men are now contesting the assumption that women should automatically become the sole custodians of children. Alternative arrangements, such as joint child custody, challenge the need for mothers to be full-time homemakers, even if their ex-husbands can afford to maintain them in that role.

A third factor in the difficulty women have in continuing as homemakers following divorce is their ex-husbands’ resentment. Women have almost always been awarded custody of their children under both the fault and no-fault based systems of divorce because the “fault” or “innocence” of a party still has a bearing on child custody. Courts make custody decisions on the basis of what is best for the children. Any allegations against either party of cruelty, intoxication, desertion, or any of the other legal grounds will likely affect the court’s award of child custody. In many cases, the wife is the “innocent” party, at least with respect to the legal grounds that courts recognize. Men perpetrate most of the physical and/or psychological abuse; men more often desert a family, etc. As a result, women have always had an advantage in retaining child custody, but more often today, men resent paying support without a fair opportunity to assert custodial rights.

No-Fault Divorce

The mechanics of no-fault law are that either spouse is entitled to assert that irreconcilable differences have caused an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. Exactly what constitutes an irretrievable breakdown under a particular no-fault statute is unclear, but generally one or both parties will allege serious marital discord that makes it impossible to continue to function as husband and wife. In most states a no-fault divorce can be granted even if one party does not agree to it, or indeed, if only one party shows up at the hearing. The implication is that no fault is ascribed to either party, i.e., the breakdown of the marriage was not precipitated by cruelty on the part of either partner nor did other fault grounds exist. In practice, the designation of the grounds for a divorce is often negotiated by the parties. It is not uncommon, for example, for one partner to file for divorce based upon a fault grounds and ultimately reach a settlement of the financial issues and change the petition for divorce to a no-fault proceeding.

Under traditional fault rules, courts usually awarded alimony to an “innocent” spouse for life. Fault-based awards would generally be increased periodically to reflect the increased cost of living and, if necessary, would be modified if the original award was insufficient to support the dependents.

No-fault laws made divorce available largely without reference to spousal conduct and typically, though unofficially, upon the request of only one spouse. The no-fault movement, however, did not eliminate fault from divorce proceedings. While fault is no longer the exclusive path to divorce, many states simply added a no-fault ground to their existing fault-based laws, offering parties alternative grounds for divorce—fault or no-fault. Even among states that disallow fault as a ground for divorce, marital fault may affect the economic consequences of divorce. While the concept of marital fault thus did not disappear with the appearance of no-fault divorce, the wildly popular no-fault philosophy significantly undercut fault-based rationales for alimony.

Central to the no-fault movement was a vision of divorce as an opportunity for a fresh start and a clean break. Since no one was to blame for the marital breakup, no one should suffer unnecessarily. At least in principle, no-fault divorce thus aims to provide each spouse with an opportunity to begin life anew, as free as possible from any lingering marital entanglements—emotional or financial. With this goal came final abandonment, at least in principle, of any shreds of the old English view of a husband’s lifetime legal and moral responsibility for his wife. At the heart of the no-fault reforms is the partnership notion that marriage is an association of individuals who may dissolve their relationship at will, compel the liquidation and distribution of their property, and upon winding up their affairs, leave the relationship with no further obligations to one another. This scheme initially held great appeal both for proponents of easy access to divorce and for women’s rights advocates whose equality rhetoric disavowed the need for male financial support. Unexpectedly, however, no-fault reforms unmasked the reality that many caregivers were “just a man away from poverty.”

Under no-fault law, the court’s greatest emphasis is on two factors: (1) the wife’s employability, and (2) the duration of the marriage. Temporary (“transitional” or “rehabilitative”) alimony has become much more common than permanent alimony. This type of award is frequently granted to wives (usually) who may have left the work force or a training program to assume the responsibilities of being a married woman and mother. With few or outdated skills, she is given a limited period of time and support to “rehabilitate” herself and re-enter the work force. Under the nofault system, modifications and increases in support are the exception. Today transitional awards are common and are intended primarily to enable a dependent spouse to get back on her feet and obtain the education or training necessary to return her to the work place. In reality, that purpose is rarely accomplished, particularly in the relatively short period of time that is allocated.

Under the no-fault divorce laws, the average awards are smaller. In part, this may be the result of the altered bargaining position of women in no-fault divorce situations, but it is also likely that many judges presume that many women will, in fact, secure suitable employment after the divorce; the awards are set accordingly. Here again, in reality more often than not the courts underestimate the difficulty that a homemaker faces in finding a job that will make her self-sufficient.

In many instances, alimony is virtually unheard of for women who are divorced in the early years of marriage (i.e., short-term marriages) under the current no-fault laws. Unless a woman has children at home and her husband is willing and able to maintain her as a primary caretaker, even women with children (except, perhaps, very young ones) will usually be expected to be self-supporting within a short period of time. Professional women in particular are rarely awarded alimony, even if they choose to be at home with the children and their husbands can afford to support them. The consequence is that motherhood is no longer a secure occupation, even in a household that can afford it, and stay-at home mothers have no guarantee that they will continue to be supported in that role after a divorce.

Women and children of divorce suffer economically for a number of intangible reasons as well. In order for a woman to get a decent financial settlement, she has to have substantial knowledge of the family’s financial picture. A woman who is ignorant about her husband’s assets, income, investments, and expenses risks being taken advantage of by self-interested husbands and unscrupulous divorce lawyers. At the same time, many women are unrealistic about their own needs, particularly if they have not participated in paying bills and balancing the accounts. Their own lawyers, who should assist them and provide guidance based on experience with divorce situations, do not always take the time and pay attention to a particular client’s individual circumstances.

Another “intangible” factor is that people in divorce are too often so emotionally shattered that they simply do not have the wherewithal to pursue the financial aspects of the divorce with the necessary vigor to protect themselves and their children. More often than not, it is the women who are in this position. Sometimes, particularly in recent years, a husband will contest child custody, primarily to coerce a better financial settlement. In other cases women do not understand the economic consequences of divorce until it is too late. And in still other cases, one party or the other (but mostly the woman) is willing to accept a smaller than adequate award simply to avoid the fight, to avoid going to court, to maintain a better relationship with the soon-to-be ex-spouse, or to assuage a guilty conscience resulting from walking away from a marriage and family. Too often it is the children who pay the price for the parent’s right to exit peacefully.

Finally, as already mentioned, in an increasing number of cases there is simply not enough income to go around and support two households. Even when previously unemployed wives return to work, once child care costs are factored in, the net result is little more money than if they weren’t working. In a time of high unemployment, overburdened social programs, frequent divorces, and an alarming federal deficit, it is of little surprise that there is a scurry to find solutions.

Child support orders involve both legally establishing a parent as responsible for the support of his child and setting the award amount. In some divorces, the responsibility of emotionally supporting the children throughout this traumatic time falls on one parent. This can be one of the most difficult parts of the divorce. Children soon learn that the treatment they receive from each parent will be different, as no two parents are exactly alike. If only one parent is approaching the discussions and issues surrounding the divorce in an appropriate manner, there’s not a lot you can do about it.

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

A parent can file for a restraining order, ask the court to reduce the time spent with that parent, or request supervised visitation. Sometimes parents may need to resort to these methods in order to prevent further damage. But unless the situation is severe, it’s best for parents to allow children ample access to both of them, even if one parent is not handling the divorce in what the other believes is a gentle and sensitive manner with the children. Children quickly recognize which parent is helping to ease their pain and which parent is contributing to it. They also learn different things from each parent; perhaps the child learns resiliency and responsibility from the way dad deals with the divorce, and selfishness and anger from mom’s reactions and behaviors. Experiencing this range of (not always so nice) responses is unfortunate, but it is also a minicourse on the real world. If at least one person is parenting the children in a healthy manner, this person can help them develop ways to cope with the poor responses of the other parent.

Naturally you want to protect your children from any negativity or emotional pain. However, this is impossible. Sad situations and unexpected traumatic events can occur at any time. The old adage “Life is unfair” holds undeniably true. You cannot fully protect children from the pain of life, and the pain of divorce is no easier to protect against, especially when one parent is not particularly invested in doing so, even for the kids’ sake.

Although one parent cannot control his or her ex-spouse’s actions (or lack thereof), he or she can work daily to ensure that the children’s experiences with the ex-spouse will be happy and healthy ones. It’s important to channel any frustrations in a healthy way. You can turn those frustrations into your own commitment to work patiently and diligently through your divorce with your children’s best interests in mind and at heart.

A serious mistake divorcing parents frequently make is to assume things about the other parent. For instance, let’s take a dad who is frustrated with a mom who has given the children inappropriate information about an affair that led up to their divorce. The dad is angry and shocked that the mother would use such poor judgment in telling the children the details of the affair. The father is making the (wrong) assumption that the mother ever had the ability to gauge good judgment in the first place.

Perhaps if the father looked back in time, he might recall that the mother was the one buying beer for her teenager long before he was of legal drinking age, and then letting her nine-year-old watch R-rated movies. The father’s error is in assuming the mother knows what good judgment is and then basing his expectations of her on this assumption. Do not have expectations now for your ex-spouse that he or she was unable to meet before the initiation of your divorce. It’s better to work on addressing any problem areas anew with your ex-spouse than to build on resentment from age-old trouble spots.

Sometimes a divorcing parent assumes the other parent doesn’t care about the children, based on that parent’s choice of action or inaction. But often, parents make poor choices not because they don’t care about their children but because they are caught up in their own emotional place. These parents often cannot see past this place to consider the best interests of their children.

Divorce has an inevitable fallout. It causes profound disruption—both internally and externally in almost all areas of life. With divorce come pervasive losses, an overload of major and minor life changes, a seemingly endless array of unfamiliar practical problems, and intense and wildly fluctuating emotions. Divorce demands the restructuring of relationships with former partners, with friends, and even with children, as a single parent. It necessitates the forging of a new identity and the building of a new lifestyle, and it motivates self-exploration and reappraisal. Divorce is synonymous with disruption, change, readjustment, and reorganization—and consequently with stress. Stress is generally worse for spouses who are left, particularly if they are unprepared for separation. Believing they have lost control over their lives, they often feel as if they are pawns at the mercy of their former partners. However, divorce is inevitably stressful for both spouses. With the exception of the death of a spouse, divorce has been identified as the most broadly disruptive and stressful event that people face in our society. There is convincing evidence that the stress caused by separation and divorce can have a number of negative repercussions for you. Ineffective coping will complicate your life even further. In fact, how you cope with your stress may be more important to your morale and functioning than the severity of your stress.

To many people, coping with stress means taking tranquilizers, drinking, smoking, or abusing other drugs. However, these methods will create further stress on your body. Fortunately, other stress-reducing methods have been found that will not further complicate your life and are more effective, too.

This causes physiological changes in your body. Therefore, some of the most effective strategies to combat it are physiological in nature. Don’t minimize their importance or underestimate what they can do for you. They are well worth learning and incorporating into your life. Not only will they be helpful now; they will help you through any stressful period in the future.

Sadness is a normal, expected, and healthy emotion in divorce. Even when a relationship has seriously deteriorated in recent years, there is plenty to be sad about at its end. At one time the relationship had been good, the partner had been cherished, and hopeful plans had been made for a lifetime together. These past good memories are mixed with the recent bad ones, and usually there is some wistfulness about what was and what might have been. Besides this, a past and a whole way of life has been left behind, as well as a good chunk of each partner’s identity. A home, possessions, continuous contact with children, and other relationships may have been left behind as well. For many divorcing men and women, the sadness is overwhelming. They feel out of control. They can’t eat, sleep, or concentrate. They feel drained and helpless and fear they will never stop crying. The worst of the pain is likely to peak during the first several months. It is likely to have leveled off by the end of the first year. Some people shut out their feelings of sadness and loss. “Why should I be sad? I’m happy to be out of a bad marriage.” They dismiss their losses as insignificant, bury their sorrow, and assume an air of nonchalance. These are folks who are likely to have problems completing their emotional divorce. When any marriage ends, there are inevitable losses. Before the door can be completely closed on the marriage, these losses need to be acknowledged and good-byes said to them. The death of a relationship needs to be mourned just as any death does. Doing so does not mean you have to be sad the marriage is over. It simply helps you close the door permanently and get on with your life. For many divorcing men and women, one of the most incomprehensible and frustrating feelings they experience is the continued pull toward an ex-spouse. Ex-partners think and wonder about one another and seek news about the other’s activities. Some make excuses to call or stop by, some actively miss their former mates, some even pine for them. It is not only those who are left who experience this pull. Lawyers experience it, too, and many find it incomprehensible.

Just what is attachment? It is a sort of emotional bonding and a feeling of connectedness, a feeling of ease in the other’s presence and restlessness when the other is inaccessible. Attachment can paralyze a spouse with fear when he or she even thinks about leaving the unhappy marriage. It can cause a spouse to fight any and all settlement agreements in order to delay the final divorce. It can prevent a spouse from taking steps toward starting a new life.

Attachment persists far longer than does love, and it persists despite conflict and antagonism. Proximity alone appears to be enough to sustain it. It seems to fade only gradually, without contact and sometimes with the help of a new love.

Given the widespread feelings of attachment, it is not surprising that divorcing partners so often have intensely ambivalent feelings about one another. They vacillate between longing and anger, between love and hate. What does it all mean? they wonder. Are they doing the right thing by divorcing? Some go through periods of dating each other again. Some resume sexual relations.

After marriages end, divorcing men and women usually have an urgent need to think and talk about their marriages. They go through the same events over and over again: what each partner said and did; what triggered each significant event and fight; what each partner could have done differently; where it may have gone wrong; who was to blame. Often it becomes such a consuming obsession that people question their sanity.

You are no doubt concerned about how your divorce may affect your children. To give you a straight answer, parental divorce is very painful to children, and most do experience problems for a while. Does divorce cause long-term problems? A significant minority of children do develop long-term emotional, behavioral, social, or academic problems, even some who appeared to be doing well during the crisis itself. The majority, however, are not troubled with lasting problems, and some even develop greater psychological strength because of the divorce.

To children, divorce does not mean the second chance that it so often means to one or both parents. Rather, it means the loss of their family— the entity that provides them with support, stability, security, and continuity in an often unpredictable world. Children assume that their family is a given and that their parents are permanent. After all, their family and parents are what provide for their needs. In their eyes, their family is intricately woven with survival.

Many children feel rejected, perceiving that the parent is leaving them as well as the spouse. The majority of children are intensely sad and feel a deep sense of loss—of their family, their security, even their daily routines and family traditions. Even most of those who never had a close relationship with their departing parent now long for that parent. Many children have little control over their tears. Anger is a fairly common reaction among children. Many feel betrayed by the very people they have trusted to protect and care for them. They feel no one is considering their needs, and they feel powerless to alter the situation that is completely disrupting their worlds. Some angry children hide their anger, fearing it will further upset or alienate their parents. Others have explosive outbursts. Some act out their anger in temper tantrums, noncompliance, aggressiveness, destructiveness, rebelliousness, or sexual promiscuity. From children’s perspectives, the one positive aspect of divorce is that it may put an end to the fighting and tension with which they have been living. But studies find that conflict between parents usually escalates after separation, as hurt and embittered parents must work out details about parenting arrangements, support, and property, and as many begin to date. Distressed and bewildered children hear their mothers called whores, drunken bitches, and rotten mothers, and their fathers called liars, bastards, and terrible fathers.

When parents separate, the world as their children know it begins to change and often ends. Daily life is transformed. Children lose daily contact with one parent, and the great majority long for that parent, whether or not the relationship had been close. Often early visits are infrequent and follow no predictable schedule on which children can depend, increasing their fears of abandonment. Will this visit be the last?

At the same time, many youngsters also experience a sharp drop in contact with busy and overwhelmed custody-retaining parents, leaving children feeling isolated and intensely lonely at the very time they need reassurance and support the most. Many children find themselves for the first time spending long hours in day care or alone after school. Even some rather young children must get themselves off to school and prepare their own meals.

Money also becomes tighter, now that two homes must be maintained, and often becomes a source of conflict between parents. Anxiety over money is easily transmitted to children, whose vigilance alerts them to each new problem in their lives. Things once taken for granted can no longer be afforded. What will the future hold? What plans will no longer be possible? It is not uncommon for families to move and for children to be forced to find a way to cope with losing their home, school, and friends at a time when their lives are already in turmoil.

Each of these changes requires children to adapt anew at a time when many of them are already taxed near the limits of their capacities. However, the worst changes from children’s perspectives are the dramatic changes in their mothers and fathers and in their relationships with them.

Will My Old Parents Please Return?

For many children, the parents they come to know after separation do not seem to be the same people they have known all their lives. Many parents’ behavior becomes unfamiliar and unpredictable. Bewildered youngsters commonly observe rage, tirades, wide mood swings, lethargy, new pursuits, changed appearances, increased drinking and smoking, and drug use. Some become painfully aware for the first time of their parents’ sexuality, as a number of new “friends” share their parents’ beds. Some keep a vigilant watch on a parent who they fear may commit suicide.

The rapid and dramatic changes in parents, occurring at the same time that children’s lives are in turmoil, are bewildering and frightening to children—younger and older alike. Ordinarily when children are in crisis, they can rely on the security, stability, and support offered by their families—these provide a protective cushion that softens the impact of the crisis. This is what happened with the British children who stayed with their parents throughout the wartime bombings. The children looked to that “reserve account” of theirs—their parents—to help them through the turmoil so they could emerge unscathed.

During the stressful postseparation period, however, a large percentage of parents are so overwhelmed by their own stress, emotions, and new demands for rebuilding their lives that either they do not recognize their children’s neediness and distress or they simply do not have the emotional resources to tend to them.

The distinction between an unhappy marriage and one which has irretrievably broken down can only be made by those who have already divorced. Ironically, the fact of divorce is not proof that the marriage did irretrievably break down. It is not unknown for unhappily married couples to divorce because their unhappiness is unresolved although the marriage relationship may not have broken down. Conversely, many husbands and wives stay together for financial convenience or because they consider it to be in the best interests of the children even though their emotional relationship has ceased to be of any significance.

Every married individual, or couple if they are able to discuss their problems together, has to consider whether a relationship has ended. In recent years the relevance of their financial condition has usually been at the forefront of their problems. It is essential they should consider whether difficult financial circumstances exacerbate other problems. If there is no prospect of the financial situation being improved they have to consider how divorce will resolve it.

For instance, if a warring couple are in arrears with mortgage payments on their home, a voluntary sale is more likely to produce a better offer than a forced sale by the building society, but it is unlikely that two homes can be purchased with the proceeds. Perhaps debt counselling in this situation should precede marriage counselling.

Matrimonial counselling should enable a couple to decide whether they can bear to live together in an attempt to recreate their relationship. Often there is no question of joint consultation: if one partner has decided to leave, and is convinced that the marriage is at an end, he or she will not necessarily accept the need for counselling. The partner who remains will be in urgent need of counselling in order to learn to accept the situation or to learn how to persist in trying to save the marriage. He or she may however be forced into proceedings to prevent the other from taking unwise financial decisions such as emptying a bank account.

Legal advice should be obtained at an early stage before any final decisions are taken. Divorce is, after all, a legal process. No responsible solicitor or other adviser will recommend that divorce be undertaken lightly because its consequences, unless they can be agreed, may be unforeseeable. Too frequently, couples separate and make separate arrangements without finding out whether the agreed solution is feasible. Of course if a marriage between financially independent partners ends in circumstances where there are no dependent children it may be that that neither wishes to incur the costs of legal advice; and the only significant asset may be a home which is to be sold and its proceeds equally divided. Many eventualities can be anticipated which should be considered and prepared for in advance. It would be unfortunate if, having divorced on an agreed basis, the husband or wife were later to lose work or earning capacity and find that there was no possibility of claiming maintenance from the other. Equally, if a claim for maintenance was made in a petition and was not dismissed later by an agreed order, the later inheritance of money by the other party could result in a financial claim being pursued. There are limits to what divorce and financial proceedings can achieve. One purpose of early legal advice is to obtain information as to the likely range of settlement which, in each case, it may be possible to expect. If a client is prepared to discuss matters with his or her spouse in an attempt to resolve matters it may be useful to refer the couple to mediation. Mediation is a process designed to help couples resolve their disputes in relation to children and money. There are many different models, some involving one mediator and others two. It can take place before or during the divorce and financial proceedings. It may result in no agreement at all or agreement on some or all issues. Each party should always obtain independent legal advice from an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer on the proposed terms of settlement.

Statutes concerned with matrimonial law, like court decisions on how they apply to different cases, are the center of a web of legislation on other subjects—housing, insolvency, company law and property law—which, depending on the circumstances, can have a decisive effect on the outcome of matrimonial disputes. Utah divorce law is complex. Always seek the assistance of an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer.

West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, whether that includes divorce, divorce modification, child support, child support modification, child custody, child custody modification, change in terms, or any other type of family law, please call Ascent Law LLC (801) 676-5506 for your Free Consultation. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

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advertphoto · 5 years ago

Text

Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

youtube

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Child Support

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

During a divorce proceeding, property is retroactively labeled as “separate property” or “marital property,” depending on when and how it was acquired. “Marital property” is defined much like “community property”: property earned by either spouse during marriage. Separate property, more or less, is everything else. Once a couple’s property has been inventoried and classified, each piece is assigned a value and allocated according to the statutory guidelines.

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

No-Fault Divorce

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

youtube

Will My Old Parents Please Return?

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West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

How Do You Tell Your Husband You Want A Trial Separation?

Probate Lawyer Magna Utah

Renting Business Space

Tax Evasion

Online Advertising Disclosures

Customer Invoice As Credit

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/

0 notes

asafeatherwould · 5 years ago

Text

Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

youtube

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Child Support

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

No-Fault Divorce

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

youtube

Will My Old Parents Please Return?

youtube

West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

How Do You Tell Your Husband You Want A Trial Separation?

Probate Lawyer Magna Utah

Renting Business Space

Tax Evasion

Online Advertising Disclosures

Customer Invoice As Credit

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/

0 notes

aretia · 5 years ago

Text

Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

youtube

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Child Support

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

No-Fault Divorce

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

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Will My Old Parents Please Return?

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West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

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Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/

0 notes

michaeljames1221 · 5 years ago

Text

Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

youtube

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Child Support

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

No-Fault Divorce

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

youtube

Will My Old Parents Please Return?

youtube

West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

How Do You Tell Your Husband You Want A Trial Separation?

Probate Lawyer Magna Utah

Renting Business Space

Tax Evasion

Online Advertising Disclosures

Customer Invoice As Credit

from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/

from Criminal Defense Lawyer West Jordan Utah https://criminaldefenselawyerwestjordanutah.wordpress.com/2019/11/30/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/

0 notes

divorcelawyergunnisonutah · 5 years ago

Text

Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

youtube

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Child Support

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

No-Fault Divorce

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

youtube

Will My Old Parents Please Return?

youtube

West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

How Do You Tell Your Husband You Want A Trial Separation?

Probate Lawyer Magna Utah

Renting Business Space

Tax Evasion

Online Advertising Disclosures

Customer Invoice As Credit

from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/

0 notes

melissawalker01 · 5 years ago

Text

Divorce Lawyer West Jordan Utah

If you are seeking a divorce, speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer. The divorce laws have come a long way since colonial times.

youtube

Children and Divorce

Often people argue about child custody when they are really arguing about money, either trying to get child support or avoid paying it.

Learn From Your Mistakes And Move On

What you need to get your divorce under way:

• Social Security and driver’s license numbers

• Recent tax returns

• Mortgage statements and other credit and debit statements

• Copies of bills or receipts for regular expenses (electric, gas, car insurance, etc.)

• Additional income statements (interest accrued, stocks, bonds or other investment documents)

• Recent pay stubs for you and your spouse

• Deeds to any property

• Titles to cars, boats and other vehicles

• Wills

• Health insurance cards and papers

• Life insurance policies

• Pension and retirement fund papers and statements

• Names, addresses and phone numbers of your spouse’s employers, close friends or family members

• Copies of bills, receipts, insurance forms or medical records for any unusual medical expenses for yourself, your spouse or your children

• Any other papers showing what you and your spouse earn or owe What type of divorce will you file?

In Utah there is uncontested and contested divorce proceedings.

Contested

The parties are not able to agree on the issues that are pertinent to the divorce.

Child Support

Property Rights Of Husband And Wife

Development Of No-Fault Laws

In Utah today you can apply for a divorce under Utah no fault divorce law. Speak to an experienced West Jordan Utah divorce lawyer if you are seeking a non fault divorce.

No-Fault Divorce

Extreme cases, where one parent is causing the children psychological or emotional agony and pain, may warrant legal intervention.

youtube

Will My Old Parents Please Return?

youtube

West Jordan Utah Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

How Do You Tell Your Husband You Want A Trial Separation?

Probate Lawyer Magna Utah

Renting Business Space

Tax Evasion

Online Advertising Disclosures

Customer Invoice As Credit

from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/divorce-lawyer-west-jordan-utah/ from Divorce Lawyer Nelson Farms Utah https://divorcelawyernelsonfarmsutah.tumblr.com/post/189387626890

0 notes