#I wanted a break from my usual and tried to console myself with a coffee shop AU yesterday | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

buckyownsmylife · 4 years ago

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Black and white - Henry Cavill smut

The one where Henry is a vampire and he’s been trying to keep you safe by distancing himself.

Warnings: vampire!Henry AU, blood, smut

A/N: this was requested by anon waaaay back in october 😅 It’s finally here!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The bell rang as another customer entered the shop, but I was too busy jotting down the books Miss Gayle was buying that it took me a minute to raise my head to greet them. When I did, I immediately wished I’d just ignored the sound, despite the fact that it was both absolutely impolite and completely out of character for me.

Nonetheless, it was done, and I scrambled to replace the smile that had fallen from my face at the sight of Henry with another one, albeit a visibly plastic replacement. It was nothing like the ones I usually greeted my customers with, and by the way Henry flinched and Miss Gayle raised an eyebrow, it was easy to see that I was in no way comfortable with the new arrival.

“I’ll be with you in a second,” I barely acknowledged him, turning back to the nice old lady who had kept her weekly visits to my shop ever since I first opened it. It was times like these where I’d wish I actually had people working for me. “That’ll be 35 dollars, Miss Gayle. Do you want a receipt?”

Eyebrows still raised, she simply fished two twenties before handing them to me, just as I handed her a five back. She always tried to leave me with some sort of tip, but I’d known her well enough by now to be able to anticipate her antics.

“You’re impossible, dear,” she’d always tease me, to which I’d laugh heartily. The only difference was that today, after our usual banter, she chanced a glance at Henry, who was trying to pretend to be busy while looking at some bookcases, before turning back to me. “Give him a chance. He clearly cares about you, and you need someone to do so, so you don’t end up like me, all alone with only this store to keep you company.”

The unrequested advice took me by surprise, and I froze in my spot, staring back at her with her receipt still in my hand. It was only when she reached out to take it from me that I snapped out of it, hopefully blinking my confusion away from my face.

It wouldn’t be the first time I seriously considered the possibility that Miss Gayle was actually a witch.

“I think you’re misreading the situation, Miss Gayle. But don’t worry, if it’s any consolation, so have I.” She frowned at my words, undoubtedly pondering over what I could possibly mean, but I tried to keep a smile on my face as I walked her to the door. Any excuse to keep myself away from the man waiting for my attention.

When the bell rang again, signaling her leaving, I sighed, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever the hell was about to happen. But before I could even turn around to face him, Henry’s voice cut through my whirlwind of thoughts, declaring, “She’s right, you know that?”

I hummed halfheartedly, not wanting to turn around and deal with this, but knowing it was better to get on with it already. “Right about what? About you caring for me? I don’t doubt that, Henry, but I also don’t think I was wrong in what I told her. I clearly misread whatever it was we had going on, because I thought you had taken me out on a date and I thought you had been too nervous to take the first step and kiss me goodnight, so for the first time in my life I gathered enough courage to initiate a kiss, only to be rudely pushed away before you disappeared for days.”

It all came out in one jumbled speech, my need to get those feelings out making me run over the words while I tried to get through this to save me the embarrassment of having to relive that night again. It was all I’d thought about for days, and just when I was finally about to get over it, he just had to waltz back into my shop and throw me on a loop again.

“Look, I don’t mind that you don’t reciprocate my feelings and I don’t mind that I made a fool of myself that night. Did it suck? Yes. A lot. But what really hurt was the fact that that stupid risk I decided to take was miscalculated, because even if I considered the idea of you not reciprocating my feelings, I never thought you would simply allow it to destroy what I considered to be a good and strong friendship. Because that’s how I saw you, first and foremost. As a friend.”

I took a long breath as I finally averted my eyes from him, trying to force myself not to cry in front of this man and become even more pathetic to the one person who I wanted to impress more than anyone else in my life. God, this crush was going to destroy me, just how weak was I?

I didn’t really expect any sort of response from him. What could he say after all of that? Still, it took me by surprise when he interrupted my string of self-deprecating thoughts. “I don’t want to be a friend.”

My heart started to pound inside my chest, my eyes suddenly meeting his again. As much as the sick part of my mind wanted to tell me that he was saying he didn’t want to have any association with me anymore - he did avoid me for three days, after all - rationally, it was clear that he meant something else entirely.

Henry’s P.O.V.

I watched her eyes grow bigger, her breathing becoming more laboured. I could hear her blood pumping more rapidly on her veins, calling out to me, but for the first time since we met, it was easy for me to ignore it. I didn’t want to lose her, in any shape or form. All of my attention was focused on her and her reactions, because I needed her to believe in me.

“You weren’t wrong. It was a date, or at least I wanted it to be a date. And I did chicken out when it came to kiss you goodnight, but it wasn’t for the reason that you’re thinking.” She was frowning, clearly trying to understand what I was hiding, but this wasn’t the time or the place. “Give me another chance,” I whispered, reaching out for her hand when I heard the bell over the door of her bookstore ringing again, signaling the arrival of another customer. “Go out with me tonight. I promise that I’ll explain everything.”

Her brows furrowed deeply, I knew she was having a hard time deciding to trust me again, to put her heart on the line once more. And I hated myself for putting her in such a situation. I hated that I’d wrecked her self-esteem, made her doubt my feelings for her.

Which was why I knew that I was making the right choice by fighting to stay in her life.

“Okay,” came her answer finally, yet not at all in a firm tone. It broke my heart, but I understood. “Come and pick me up after I close the store. I’ll be waiting.” And with a simple nod, she dismissed me until later.

Fair enough. I knew she had things to do and that she needed time to go over the repercussions of what I had just admitted, but a part of me was scared that being apart would simply make her second guess her decision. Still, I needed to respect it. I owed her at least that. So I left her to her own devices, trusting that when I got back to the store she would really be there for me to pick her up.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I spent the rest of the day unable to concentrate on my work activities. Everything I did, my mind brought me back to Henry and those two very pungent moments when I was with him. The night of our “date” and this morning.

My gut told me I hadn’t made a mistake in accepting his request for an explanation. Even during those days apart, I knew there was a reason for his behavior, I just… I knew it. I couldn’t explain it, especially since we didn’t even know each other for that long. But it was the same thing that made me trust him implicitly. The same feeling in the depths of my soul that recognized him somehow, that made me start to fall for him during long conversations over coffee in my bookshop.

Still, my mind begged me to run away, to protect myself. I didn’t need to go through this again. Nothing stopped him from rejecting me again - in fact, that was very likely to happen. Doesn’t love work out just like… 1% of the time?

Just when I was starting to freak myself out, I heard my name being uttered from behind me, making me jump in the air. “God, make a noise or something,” I complained, a hand over my heart as I turned around to find him clearly trying very hard not to laugh at me.

“Sorry.” Narrowing my eyes at him, I simply noted, “You don’t look sorry at all.” He wanted to laugh again, I knew that, but he didn’t. Instead, his eyes became peculiarly soft as he pondered over what to say. “You’re right, I’m not sorry. You look really cute when you’re scared. Can I kiss you now?”

I should say no. Right? I should totally say no. But I had been crushing on this guy for the last few months and in that second, all I seemed to be able to do was to nod, my breath hitching when he approached to cradle my entire face with his huge hands. God, he was so beautiful, even more from up close.

But just when the distance between our lips was about to become nonexistent, just when all I could hear was the blood in my veins being pumped on maximum speed due to the way my heart was pounding in my chest, he hesitated, breaking the spell.

“We shouldn’t,” he whispered almost against my mouth, so close that I could feel his cold breath on my face. “I shouldn’t.” I couldn’t really call it a clarification, since it only left me more confused.

Even worse, it awakened that awful, burning feeling of humiliation, that reignited the fires of embarrassment deep within my stomach. “Why do you do this to me?” His eyes grew big at the realization of my anger, like somehow, he didn’t expect it at all.

“Did you come here only to break me further? I can’t handle this, Henry. I don’t need this. Please, leave.” For a second, I thought he would, but I don’t know why. Nothing in his demeanor betrayed that would be his intention. If anything, it was the precise opposite. As the concern disappeared from his face, his expression solidified in a hardened mask that showed just how serious he was about whatever it was that he needed to say.

Henry’s P.O.V.

“No. I’m not leaving. Not until you hear what I have to say. Please.” I could see the hesitation on her, and I knew it was deserved. I deserved it. I knew it just as well as I knew that I didn’t deserve her.

But she did deserve an explanation, and I was going to give her that. And if she could find it in herself to still want me in her life, maybe we could be something more. God knows how much I actually wanted to kiss her.

“Not here,” I implored, needing her to give me just a little bit more of her time. “Can I please join you in your home?”

It took some time, but at last, she nodded, making sure the door of the bookshop was properly locked before silently making her way down the street, taking the path that I had followed so many times before, when I’d accompany her on her trajectory after work. But back then the air was lighter, there was chatter and laughter between us. Now, it felt cold, even colder than my skin.

Thankfully, we were by her house before long. She looked over her shoulder before moving to unlock the door, like she wanted to make sure I was still there. There was absolutely no way I’d leave her hanging like that again, especially since she had found it in her to continuously give me another chance.

“Thank you,” I peeped when she invited me in, quickly assuming the seat she pointed me to. I was even more thankful for the fact that she still chose to sit by my side on the sofa, instead of pulling a chair to keep some space between us. Maybe she liked to be in a close proximity to me just as much as I did with her.

“I… don’t know where to start,” I began, suddenly self-conscious and doubting everything I’d decided on my way here again. But then she shrugged, and the realization that I was about to lose her before I even had her was enough to get me to suddenly blurt out, “I’m a vampire.”

At first, there was no reaction at all. She remained seemingly unfazed, arms crossed in front of her chest, expression thoroughly unreadable. I would be sweating if I could, but as it were, I just started babbling even more.

“Please, don’t be afraid. I’d never hurt you. I promise. But that’s why I’ve been keeping away, I… I feel so attracted to you, but I couldn’t let you fall for me without knowing who I truly am. And this is who I truly am. Still me. Just a little bit older than you thought.” Still no answer, until suddenly she cut the silence that had fallen in the living room with a long drawn-out breath, before exclaiming, “I’m not afraid.”

That was literally the last thing I thought she would say immediately after I admitted my secret.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“You… You’re not afraid of me?” He repeated, clearly not believing what I had just said.

“No.” After a few seconds of silence, he ended up cutting the tension in the room with a request.

“Then tell me what you’re thinking.” As bizarre as the situation was and as confused as my feelings for Henry were at the moment, I couldn’t help but to joke, “What, you can’t read my mind?”

He pursed his lips, clearly unamused but at the same time relieved that I wasn’t angry or afraid of him. I took a deep breath, still looking him dead in the eyes, before admitting, “I’m thinking… that I really want to fuck you.”

That caught him by surprise.

“You want me?” I had to huff, rolling my eyes at his stupidity. How could someone be this unaware of social queues? Or, better yet, of his own attractiveness?

“Yes, I want you. And I’m done holding myself back from getting what I want.” And with that, I climbed on his lap, tugging him down to meet my lips by the collar of his shirt. He was cold, colder than he should be, but I don’t think I would have noticed if I didn’t know who - or actually, what - he was.

He tasted like mint, and a little bit like coffee. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t something this ordinary. And I especially wasn’t expecting to like it so much. But suddenly, he grasped my hips, stopping my unconscious slow grind against his crotch. “I’m not sure you’ve completely understood what this means,” he started, and I had to laugh.

“You drink blood, right? What else is there to understand? I like you, Henry. I’m not gonna suddenly stop liking you over something like this. Now please, can you kiss me? I’ve been waiting for this for so long...” I don’t know if it was my words or my pouty face, but something made him grab me with a new vigor that had me screaming in excitement.

“I knew you were perfect for me,” he whispered as he rubbed his nose on my cheek, making me giggle with delight. The absolute sweetness of the statement had my heart skipping a beat momentarily.

“Then kiss me, you idiot.” Thankfully, he did just so. And although I could still feel his restraint, I now understood what it meant - and it was so much easier to deal with when I had his lips to distract me.

When I had to pull apart to catch my breath, he kept his mouth on my skin, slowly tracing a path from my jaw down to my throat, and when he got to my jugular, he stopped, simply inhaling while I felt his mouth water on top of it. “You ever wonder what I taste like?” I teased, running my hand through his curls, and he pulled away to look me in the eyes, first in concern and then in lust.

Henry’s P.O.V.

“All the fucking time.” Instead of being afraid, the little mixen bit on the lower lip I wished I still had between my own teeth, before remarking, “That’s kinky.” It had me roaring with laughter until I felt the need to attack her mouth with mine again.

“I’ll show you kinky.” After she had to separate from me to catch her breath once more, I traced the path her blood followed down her neck until the neckline of her dress, before softly pulling the sleeves down on each side so I could lave her collarbone and shoulders with my tongue, too.

“Do you want a taste?” She whispered, the question making me freeze for a second, my fingers pressing even tighter in the soft skin of her hips. I could feel her heartbeat under them. She was so… alive. Perhaps that’s why she made me feel like that, too.

“I couldn’t possibly ask you for that.”

“You’re not asking.” I tried to find something, anything in her eyes that showed me a sign of humour, but there was nothing. She was honestly doing this. I hesitated for a while, until she used the grip she had on my curls to pull me down against her neck, that she exposed even more to me by throwing her head back. “Please.”

My eyes trailed down the curve of her shoulder as I felt my fangs starting to grow. A swipe of my tongue over them confirmed what I already knew: they were ready. With one last look into her eyes to see if she wanted to back out, I leaned over her and pierced the neck of my beloved, sucking just enough to allow me to taste the magnificent essence that kept her alive before I retreated and lapped the few droplets that still escaped the punctures.

The sight of her breathing hard, making her breasts jump up to my face as I kept her safe in my lap was enough to get me completely hard. “Bed. Now.” That was the only warning I gave her before I rose up from the couch with her clinging to my body, legs wrapped around my back. She giggled against the kiss I stole from her lips, undoubtedly tasting a little bit of herself, before keeping on with the trend of endlessly teasing me for her own amusement.

“You know, I don’t really feel like sleeping right now.” I growled at her continuing giggles, squeezing her ass to grind her against my hardness. I wanted to know just how thoroughly fucked she’d be.

“You’re not going to sleep any time soon, darling.” Reconnecting our lips, I followed blindly in the direction of what I assumed her bedroom to be located, only stopping to let her catch her breath because she pulled away. I would have to be better at remembering that she needed that.

“You never told me what I tasted like,” she breathed out against my lips, buying herself more time to get some air into her lungs. It made me laugh, the question sounding absurd considering everything, but this is precisely what I loved about her.

“Like fucking candy, how about that?” She screamed as I dipped her back, laying her down on the mattress before climbing over her again. “I really want to know if it’s the same down there.”

She clinged to me eagerly, legs wrapping around my body as her hands made quick work of my shirt. It felt intoxicating to see just how desperate she was for me, just how she reciprocated my own desire.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The second I was laid bare for his eyes to take in, a sharp inhale resonated through the room. I could feel his eyes trailing down my body, drinking me in, and it made me dizzy with desire. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice was barely over a whisper, and still, I heard it in my very soul.

But then, a thumb was running over my lower lips, teasingly opening me up to his gaze, and I mewled at just how great it felt to be this exposed to him. “And so wet,” he added, using that same thumb to collect some of the moisture I could feel starting to drip from me and then rubbing it all over my pussy.

“What are you gonna do about it?” I asked, trying to muster all of the defiance I could find, but my body was weakened by my need for the man hovering above me - and he knew. He just knew he had reduced me to a needy, whimpering mess, and he was loving every second of it.

His thumb found my clit and he massaged it for a bit, eyes trapping mine in his hypnotizing gaze as he pondered over my question. Until, finally, there was an answer. “I want you to touch yourself.”

Okay, this wasn’t what I was hoping for. But still, I could see the hint of nervousness in his eyes, even if buried under deep layers of desire. So I was happy to oblige, my own hand slowly traveling down my body until it met his, right when he raised the thumb that had been just touching me there up to my lips.

“Open up.” My eyes fluttered shut as my mouth dropped open to accept the digit, and I eagerly swirled my tongue around it before sucking, while my own fingers slowly explored my dripping opening. I don’t know if it was the action he was getting on his thumb or if it was the vision of me dipping two fingers inside of myself and moaning around him, but in a second he had pulled both his and my hands away and had lunged himself at me.

“Eager, aren’t we?” I joked, fully enjoying that for at least this millisecond, I had the upper hand again. Henry didn’t seem to mind, if the way he licked his lips and delved to bruise mine in a breathtaking kiss was any indication of it.

“I’ve dreamed about being in your bed for so long,” he admitted, and my heart grew twice its size at the thought of him actively wishing for this, just like I’d done when I laid in this bed hundreds of nights ever since we met.

“How long has it been?” I asked, hugging his body closer to mine, already addicted to the way it felt to have his weight over me. “Ever since you’ve… done this before, I mean.” Henry chuckled, but didn’t immediately answer as he kept himself busy by littering my collarbones with kisses and lovebites, making me offer my chest up to him. When he grasped one of my breasts in his large hand, I couldn’t stop the loud moan that echoed around the room as my heart beated wildly right under his palm.

“I don’t even remember,” he finally answered, but by then, I had all but completely forgot what I’d even asked. He was slowly but surely messing with my mind and my ability to hold coherent thoughts, all I could focus on was the feeling of his cold hands running over my sweaty skin and his lips licking every inch of me. “It doesn’t even matter. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone as much as I want you.”

Henry’s P.O.V.

The whine she let out was clearly a complaint and a request in itself, making me chuckle against her delicious skin. “Soon,” I promised, nearing the place I was longing to be. “I need to feel you cumming on my lips, first.”

The sigh she let out as I buried my nose on the small curls just over where her fingers had been buried made it clear that she wasn’t about to complain about my plan, at least for now. Still, I needed her to give me the time I needed to fully appreciate this, so while I caressed her thighs to allow myself the space I needed to work with, I negotiated, “I promise I’ll make you feel so good.”

She didn’t seem to doubt when I stuck out my tongue and gave her a temptative first lick, immediately groaning at the incomparable sweetness and diving in for more. She gasped and wrapped her thighs around my head, like she wanted to make sure I wouldn’t leave her hanging, but I was sure I’d never leave the space between her legs again.

Sweet, so sweet and wet. I’d spent so long imagining her taste on my tongue, both of her blood and of her juices, and now I knew that she truly was sweet all over. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have to pretend I hadn’t tried the god’s ambrosia for the rest of my life, so I sincerely hoped this really meant she truly wanted me forever.

I lost myself to the activity of exploring her pussy with my tongue, eyes closed to better imprint the taste and the sounds she was emitting into the depths of my memory. I was so into my meal, the lapping sounds of her drenched cunt surrounding us and only adding to the powerful symphony of her moans, that when she came, covering my face in her release, I was taken by surprise.

“You know…” She started, as soon as she was able to catch a breath while I sucked the juices dripping from her. “This isn’t the type of eating I expected a vampire to be so good at.” That made me look up to meet her eyes, and the second I did so, taking in the humorous glint in them and the way she pressed her lips tightly together to contain the laughs that were certainly threatening to escape, I lost it.

“I don’t think I ever laughed so much during sex.” I nuzzled in her neck, before depositing a quick kiss on her pouty lips. Her tongue came out to lick them as soon as we parted, like she was chasing away her own taste that I knew was still present in my mouth.

“Then I don’t think you’ve been doing this the right way.” I felt her tiny hands pressing on my shoulders, and it took me a while to figure out she was trying to invert our positions. When I did get it, I allowed my torso to fall on the soft mattress by her side, hands immediately flying up to caress her body as she climbed on me.

“I want your cock in my mouth.”

I groaned as I heard those words, paired with the gentle rock of her wet cunt over my still clothed member. How could one resist such sensuous sin? But I had more pressing needs in the moment, and as I had to remind her, “The night is still young. As tempting as that is… No, don’t look at me like that. Do you have any idea what you do to me, you little minx? I have to be inside of you now.”

Her eyes made it clear that she didn’t feel all that terrible about my denial, but still, she asked, “Later, then?” Chuckling, I brought her down to whisper in her ear, “ Believe me, we have all the time in the world. You’re not going to sleep anytime soon. I’ll keep you in this bed forever, if I have my way.”

I heard her suck in a breath and I took advantage of the brief moment of surprise that rendered her immobile to drag two fingers along her folds before curling them in. “Oh, wow. Now that is a sight.” Just the tone of perplexity in my voice had her clenching around me, and when I began to laugh yet again, she brace herself on my chest and groaned, “Are you going to fuck me or keep staring?”

I looked up to meet her eyes, making sure she was looking directly at me as I pulled my fingers out and licked them before grabbing a hold of my member and running it over her pussy. “Take a guess.”

The moment that we became fused in the corporeal sense, it became clear to me just how entwined our souls already were. There was no escaping our connection, not anymore. “Does this feel good,” I teased her as she released a particularly high moan, fingers gripping my shoulders tightly as she threw her head back and tried to keep riding me. I took this opportunity to nibble and nip at her jaw and neck, teasing myself with the feeling of her blood pumping right underneath my open mouth.

“Yes, yes,” she screamed, picking up her movements as I kept fucking myself up against her, too. “Deeper, harder, please, Henry!” The desperation in her voice had me roaring, and in a quick movement I had her under me again.

“Fuck, you feel perfect,” I whispered under my breath right when she grabbed a hold of my locks and pulled me to meet her lips again. “Are you ready?” I knew she was close by the way she was moaning, and all it took was for her eyes to meet mine so I could feel her clenching around me. “No falling asleep, remember? Or maybe you want me to keep going even if you do end up passing out.” It was just a joke, but her whine made it very clear that she didn’t mind the perspective.

“Don’t worry, angel. I’m right here. I’ll give you everything you want, I’ll be everything you need. For the rest of your life.”

“I know.”

#my fics #henry cavill smut #smut #henry cavill #henry cavill reader #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill reader insert #henry cavill header inserts #henry cavill oneshot #henry cavill oneshots #henry cavill headcanon #henry cavill headcanons

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i-may-have-a-point · 4 years ago

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Review of 17x14 “Look Up Child”

It has been three years since I wrote my last review of a Grey’s Anatomy episode. After Sarah left, I stepped away from my fan accounts and did not plan on ever looking back. Somehow though, through the dedication of our captains and the strength of the Japril fandom, we got one more episode that confirmed what we have known all along – Japril is forever.

The episode opens to Jackson driving through a storm and we can see in his eyes that he is fighting an internal storm as well. He winces at his injured hand while his mind flashes through thoughts of holding Harriet with April for the first time, the pain of watching April marry Matthew, and meeting his dad. These moments, along with many others have led Jackson yearning for more out of life, and so he returns to Montana hopeful he will find answers there.

The last thing Robert Avery expects, for a second time, is to find the son he left behind standing in the doorway of his restaurant.

“Everybody alive?” Robert asks.

Jackson making this journey again, after the way they left things before, could only be for one reason in Robert’s mind. Jackson reassures him that is not the reason he came, and Robert relaxes easily into his friendly charm, offering coffee and a place for Jackson to “take a load off.” He has no idea of the “load” Jackson truly bears.

Robert is awaiting the arrival of his co-worker so they can deliver pre-packaged meals to families in need in their community. This gesture may seem small, but to Jackson, this is a subtle sign that he on the right path. There is more he can do than what he has found within the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial. Their small talk is awkward, and Jackson wants to get right to what he came for – answers. Robert has other ideas. There are sandwiches to be made and they can talk while they work.

After following Robert to the porch, Jackson realizes this sandwich-making process is going to be more time-consuming than he thought. And so is getting the answers he came for. He reiterates to Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him – not turkey, not coffee – just answers.

Jackson presses his dad for information about why he left the foundation, the problems he saw with it, and Catherine’s perspective on it all while Robert deflects the questions with vague answers and praise of the ham and turkey sandwich. Robert is not ready to answer these questions because answering them would mean dealing with the memories of the past and the regret he carries. So instead, he smiles kindly and puts Jackson in charge of the meat slicer, which leads to the first moment in Jackson’s life where his dad taught him how to do something. (Although we all know he didn’t teach him well!) This interaction allows Jackson to let his guard down just slightly and they find they have some common views on the Avery name, money, and pressure that comes with it all. Jackson tries some of Robert’s “best in the state” turkey and Robert opens up about his own shame and abandonment by his father. It seems pain runs through generations of Avery men.

Maybe it is that realization, or the cup of Robert’s coffee in his hand, that makes Jackson relax enough to begin opening up. He shares his desire to do more to change the system has seen fail so many people. He isn’t even sure if he can, but he knows he feels compelled to try. Robert agrees that people should do what makes them happy. He did and he “never looks back.”

But Jackson does. He can’t stop looking back and wondering why his dad was absent from every moment that mattered.

“I realize that it’s really messed me up…pretty badly. And, um, it just made it hard to maintain relationships and stuff. Having this inclination to run away all the time. And I know, I know, running away doesn’t actually solve anything. I know that. So…and I’ve tried. I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and uh, you know just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything – the best father I could possibly be. I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, when it gets rough I just end up right there, running into the woods trying to fight the you in me.”

What begins as a tearful explanation builds to all of Jackson’s pent-up emotions overflowing at his dad. He is distracted and emotional, cutting his hand on the slicer with blood pouring out, while his heart pours out at the same time.

Robert tends to Jackson’s injury, and they both feel it is a simple gesture that holds more weight than they know what to do with. Robert tries to make light of the situation by joking about a family practice, but it is the idea of them as family that sends Jackson to find fresh air on the porch. It is here where Robert finally answers Jackson’s question of “Why?”

Running is what Robert does when things get too difficult, and that is what makes Jackson so afraid. He feels the same pull. Just before he cut his hand, he was running down the long list of things he feels he has done wrong. Does he truly believe he stayed in his marriage too long? No. But to Jackson that is just one more way he is like his dad. He is so messed up by the fear of turning into Robert that he breaks things off before they get too difficult, before he gets to the point Robert did. If he can maintain a safe distance to the important things in his life, he won’t lose them and he won’t be like Robert. “My divorce…maybe that would have been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.” This isn’t who Jackson wants to be, but he is too scared of moving in either direction – scared of moving both toward or away from the things that matter, like April. So instead, he suffers in an ambiguous middle ground. One where he hasn’t completely abandoned anyone or anything and one where he hasn’t fully committed to anything either. It is a balance he has tried to find for years, but it is also what is breaking him now.

Truth be told, even Robert cannot fully run from what matters. From his cabin in the woods, he admits that everyday he regrets leaving, and he buys gifts for a little girl he has never met in hopes that one day he will.

“You’re not a runner. If you were, you’d have been long gone by now…you have it in your soul to do the right thing. To makes things right. And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better…on your worst day, you are ten times the man I am.”

And it is with those words Jackson makes his decision. He is going to do the right thing. He is going to take what seems like a disaster and make it better.

Arriving back in Seattle, Jackson goes straight to the people who matter most.

Catherine is his first stop. He needs her blessing to take over the foundation. Their money and influence can make life better for all people by bringing justice and equity to medicine and build a better future for Harriet. Catherine’s Mama-heart breaks a little to see him go, but she cannot deny how proud of him she is.

With the rain still coming down, Jackson rings April’s doorbell and stresses over how he is going to approach asking her to move across the country for him. How can he explain to her that this is not impulsive, this is not something he is doing on a whim?

Yet, when the door opens, all his insecurities are quickly forgotten because seeing April only reminds him of why they have always been each other’s person and how she has always trusted him no matter what. She trusted him the night of the boards with her heart and virginity, she trusted him with the decision to induce her pregnancy with Samuel to stop his pain, and she trusted him to run away from her wedding and the life she thought she was supposed to have. But this is different. So much has changed in the past few years. Would she trust him now?

Jackson will have to wait to find out, though, because April is frantic. Harriet is sick and April cannot get her fever down. Jackson sees how stressed she is and immediately gives April what she needs. He takes Harriet into her arms, both consoling her and helping April calm down and have a moment to breathe. They fall into their usual banter and affectionate teasing.

Their conversations and interactions throughout the episode give us small glimpses of what we should have had the past several years had their story been written they way it should have been. They naturally fall into their place as the loving, concerned parents unable to sleep while caring for their daughter. They move through the house and around each other as if this is a familiar dance that they have done hundred times before.

Harriet’s sickness doesn’t seem to be the only thing April is stressed about. Her living room is strewn with laundry and she quickly tries to clean it up while Jackson reassures her in his “bank voice” that it is fine. Too many pillows, but otherwise, fine. Jackson continues Daddy Duty by dancing with his daughter and April gets a chance to take a much-needed shower…until the storm knocks the power out.

Jackson and April alone at night in a storm, surrounded by candles, is the perfect set-up for an epic reunion, and while they may not have utilized the kitchen counter like we wanted them, too, they did reconnect on a level of clarity and maturity that shows how much they have grown.

There is also that not-so-little issue of Matthew. Japril fans spotted early on that April was missing a particularly important ring, but it was even more telling when Jackson asked her directly if her and Matthew are happy, and she responded with simply, “We are busy.” For a marriage that the terrible writing of season 14 wanted us to believe was ordained by God, how sad that you can’t even pretend to be happy. That one line conveyed so much more than what was stated. It was clear from that point that Matthew and April’s marriage was over.

April is not the only one beating around the bush. She quickly calls Jackson out on his “cagey” behavior of commenting on her exposed brick instead of saying why he actually showed up at her house late at night in the middle of a storm. She can read him so well she knows there is something more, which is when we finally find out his plan – he is going to take over the Avery Foundation. The catch is, that means Jackson, as well as April and her family, have to move to Boston.

April responds by questioning if this is what Jackson actually wants because it never was before. Is he going to move to Boston and then fail or regret his decision? And while this seems unsupportive and harsh, April has to ask these questions because, as we find out later, that is exactly what happened to her. She thought she was choosing the right path by marrying Matthew, but not only has their marriage failed, she regrets that they even tried. But Jackson doesn’t know this yet, so to defend his decision he uses Matthew proposing to April as an example of how he unconditionally supported her which not only hints at Jackson’s jealousy, but reinforces April’s fear that making a decision this big may not be the best choice. She sees happiness for Jackson in the safe choice. He can continue to rebuild faces, give little boy’s hands, and help people breathe again. Maybe if she can convince him to stay with what he knows he won’t feel the hurt she is feeling right now. “Why would you want to give all that up?”

Jackson knows he can do all of that and more in Boston. He can make a positive change in medicine, April can continue her work with the homeless, and Matthew will just follow because it is April, and that is the one reason Jackson likes him. “He is gonna want to follow you anywhere.” Jackson understands the urge to follow April anywhere. The night continues with wine, snacks, and comfortable conversation but they don’t come to an agreement on what their future holds.

The storm breaks and morning comes. Jackson, recognizing that April has been overwhelmed lets her sleep in, and she wakes up to the sounds of Harriet and Jackson happily eating breakfast and we get a glimpse of their happy, family mornings that we all know Boston will bring. The three of them laugh and talk over pancakes, orange juice, and throw pillows and April admits that she should have been more supportive of Jackson’s plans. If only they could get their timing right.

The morning has brought with it clarity for April and she tells Jackson her answer is yes. Yes, she believes he is “that guy.” Yes, she believes this could work. Yes, they are going to Boston. Shocked and surprised, Jackson offers to help talk to Matthew, but we find out that won’t be necessary. As most of us suspected, the marriage that should have never happened is over. One of the best lines of the episode is the slight dig that the writers (Sarah/Jesse?) took at the ridiculous story of April marrying Matthew. “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together. But he was still so angry and hurt. I mean, I left him at the altar and his wife died. You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ‘cause it’s a better story if God brought us together in our pain.” Enough said. And as much as we are not sad to see Matthew go, April is hurting, and Jackson recognizes that. He takes her hand in a small gesture of comfort because he never wants to see her in pain. (Thank you, Jesse, for improvising that.) He gave her a reason to smile again. Their family has a fresh start ahead in Boston.

The episode closes with Harriet calling out for “Mommy and Daddy” as Jackson pulls April into a hug before leaving to prepare for their move, and April folds perfectly into his arms where she is supposed to be. Fingers crossed for new horizons. Maybe they finally did get their timing right.

#japril #japrilendgame #aprilkepner #jacksonavery

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itsjustmyfantasyroom · 4 years ago

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Caught out

I wrote this cheeky little one AGES ago for @detective-giggles

Warnings: fluff, usual SVU, drity talk and not my gif.

Enjoy x

Rafael-8.45am: My bed sheets smell like you Detective.

Y/N- 8.50am: Are you complaining about that Consoler? Didn’t seem to worry you last night.

Rafael- 8.55am: Don’t be a tease Y/N. Just walking into court. Have a good day. I’ am looking forward to tonight.

Y/N- 8.57am: Have a good day Rafi, Can’t wait for tonight x

“Who are you talking to, to be smiling like that?” Amanda said to you as you walked into the bull pen.

“No one” you smiled over at her.

“Yeah right” Nick shot at you “Who’s the lucky guy?” he said with a smirk.

“I don’t need to tell you guys everything and remember I need to leave on time today” you looked between Nick and Amanda.

You just done the finishing touches of your make up when the buzzer went off. You walked to your hall way and pressed the camera button to see Rafael and buzzed him in.

You and Rafael had been seeing each other for about two months. Only Nick knew because he walked in on you and Rafael kissing in his office. You guys had gone to pick up a warrant. Nick said he would wait in the car. After a while you still weren’t back, so he took it upon himself to find out what was taking so long, walking in with you sitting on Rafael’s desk, him between your legs kissing deeply, hands all over each other. He promised to keep it to himself, after all, you had covered for him more than he could count while he ran around with Amanda behind everyone’s back.

You swung your apartment door open to Rafael in a black tux and black bow tie, hair in place perfectly and smelling divine. Just looking amazingly handsome. You felt your panties dampen just at the sight of him. He very much had the same reaction when he set eyes on you. Trying to ignore the slight twitch behind his zipper when he saw you in your maroon lace off the shoulders short skater dress that sat just above mid-thigh.

A theatre show had come to town and to your surprise it was something Rafael wanted to see as well. So you guys decided to buy tickets. Rafael was lucky enough to get some good seats on opening night.

You and Rafael were standing in the lobby of the theatre waiting for the doors to open. Rafael had his arm around your waist and you were looking at your program you had both gotten. He was whispering in your ear what he wanted to do to you when you got back to your apartment,

“I can’t wait to make you come with my tongue, make you scream my name. Then I’ am going to rip this dress off and fuck you so hard you can’t walk tomorrow.”

You didn’t get a chance to answer back before his phone started to ring. You both looked at his phone screen when he pulled it out of his pocket, it was Sonny,

“I better take this” he kissed you on the cheek and stepped away slightly. You loved how Rafael could switch from dirty Rafi to ADA Barba just like that. Just as he stepped away, your phone started to ring, it was Nick

“Hey Nicky what’s up?”

“Y/N, You need to come in, a case came in. Sorry you’re going to miss your show. Make sure you and Barba come separate” and he hung up.

You were putting your phone back in your clutch when Rafael walked back over to you.

“Did you get a call to Y/N?”

“Yeah I did. I’ll get a taxi first, you wait 5 minutes and get one” he nodded at you and grabbed your hand to led you outside.

“I’ am sorry, I know you were looking forward to the show” he squeezed your hand “I’ll will get us more tickets, it should be showing for a while” and he hailed down a cab. “I’ll meet you back at yours when we’re done?” you nodded with small smile on your face and stepped closer to him, Rafael wrapping his arms around your waist, yours around his neck.

“We can’t have all the plans cancelled in one night. I’ am sure you want to see what’s under this dress when you rip it off” You winked at him kissing him lightly on the lips before you got into the cab.

You walked into the bull pen to Nick, who got up off his chair walking over to you as soon as he saw you,

“Where’s Barba?” he asked just over a whisper as you walked to your desk placing down your clutch and the show program next to it.

“He should be here soon. I told him to wait 5 minutes and get a cab” Nick nodded at you.

“Go and make a coffee, it’s going to be a long night” he frowned at you.

You walked over to the coffee station and made a coffee. As you spun back around to walk back to your desk and you seen Sonny looking at your program,

“Sorry we made you miss the show Y/N.” he said with a slight smile.

“That’s ok Sonny, I’ll get there another night to see it” You smiled at him.

Nick and Sonny had gone into the integration room while you looked up the perp to see if he had any previous history. When you came across his file you gasped and picked up your phone calling Rafael straight away,

“Hermosa, I’ am 5 minutes away traffic is a nightmare, what’s wrong?”

“The perp is Jerome Jones, Sonny and Nick are questioning him now”

“Get them out of there now, I’ll call Liv. I’ll be there soon” and he hung up.

You jumped up off your chair and rushed into Fin with the printed copy of Jones’s file. You walked to Fin and handed it to him, then knocked on the door of the interrogation room and walked in to Sonny and Nick both turning to look at you frowning,

“Sorry to interrupt Detectives, but may I see you both outside for a minute” You said looking between them both

“Not right now” Sonny shot back at you.

“That wasn’t a request” You snapped, frowning back at them both as they walked towards the door.

“What the hell Y/N?” Nick all but yelled at you as he closed the door, putting his hands on his hips.

“Don’t take that tone with me Nick. Barba told me to get you guys out of there” you glared at him.

“Why?” Sonny had a confused look on his face.

Fin was filling them in with all the details when Rafael came walking around the corner and joined you guys, telling you all that he had spoken to Liv and that Jones was to be sent home. As Rafael was talking, you noticed Sonny looking at the program in Rafael’s hand and then looked over at you and it was like a light bulb switched on. Sonny cut Rafael off mid-sentence,

“Y/N were you at the show with Barba?” You went bright red and Rafael frowned at him.

“Carisi, doesn’t Fordham teach that it’s rude to interrupt?” Rafael shot back at him.

“Don’t change the subject Counselor” Sonny smirked at him.

“It’s none of your business” You snapped at him.

“Come on Y/N, if you didn’t want anyone to find out, you should have told Barba to hide the program”

“Enough Carisi” Nick said firmly.

“Of course you knew. Was I the only one that didn’t?” Sonny looked between everyone.

You rolled your eyes and walked into the interrogation room.

“Mr Jones, you’re free to go. I’ am so sorry about the confusion” You smiled as the man stood up giving you a small smile and walked out to leave.

As you made your way back out to the bull pen you noticed Rafael was gone, Sonny, Nick and Fin sitting at their desks.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Sonny questioned you.

“She doesn’t need to tell you everything Carisi. I’ am just glad it’s not one of you two. That’s too much paper work” Fin winked at you.

“I only found out by accident” Nick lent back in his chair.

“That’s enough. Yes I’am with Rafael and no I didn’t tell you guys because of this. Nick only found out because he walked into Rafael’s office seeing us kissing. Yes I was with him tonight at a show that I really wanted to see, but because you two didn’t do a quick background check before calling us we had to leave and now I’ am here explaining myself to the biggest pains in asses in my life. You’re lucky I love you guys. Now if you don’t mind I’ am going home to my boyfriend to continue the plans we had for the rest of the night”

As you spun on your heels to walk out, you faced Liv, Amanda and Rafael. Liv and Amanda were smiling at you and Rafael didn’t know where to look and went bright red again.

“See I told you something was going on” Amanda looked at Liv smiling wider.

“You didn’t need to tell me Rollins, I knew” Liv smirked back at Amanda.

“What? How?” Rafael looked at Liv.

“I was putting paper work on Y/N desk when she was in the break room last week, and you messaged her with dinner plans” Liv winked at you.

“Lucky it was dinner plans and not a dick pic or something” Sonny made everyone laugh, including Rafael, you tried your hardest to keep a straight face.

“Ok great, now you all know” you rolled your eyes with a slight smile walking over to Rafael grabbing his hand “Do you mind if I take my boyfriend home now?”

Tags: @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @the-baby-bookworm @dianilaws @scarletsoldierrr @lv7867 @permanentlydizzy @averyhotchner

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ughseoks · 4 years ago

Text

the art of pretend | jhs + ksj

PAIRING; hoseok x seokjin (2seok)

GENRE/AU; fluff, humor

RATING: 18+

WORD COUNT; 4.7k

WARNINGS; swearing, innuendos, a Smidge of angst, overall stupidity, secondhand embarrassment probably

SUMMARY; An AU in which Hoseok is embarrassingly bad at first dates and Seokjin takes it upon himself to fix it.

— Written for the Be My Bangtanvine collab hosted by @kimtaehyunq 💗 —

MASTERLIST

— banner by @monotape THANK YOU I LOVE YOU 🥺💗

— special thanks to @j-sope for pretty much being the sole reason that this was able to be written. i love u so much u are my everything my favorite person ever ILYLYYLIYLILYYILLYIYILYILYILYLILYILYIYIY

Jung Hoseok is horrible at first dates.

Seokjin likes to joke that the unfortunate souls his friend corrals into going on dates with him are his victims, but that joke usually results in a pouting Hoseok, so he keeps it to himself when he hears the all-too-familiar sound of his friend entering their shared apartment with a loud sigh.

“How’d it go tonight?” Seokjin calls out after a moment of silence. The only answer he gets is an alarmingly loud groan from the entryway, the sound followed by a pair of heavy footsteps shuffling their way toward the kitchen.

Hoseok appears around the corner only a few moments later, a pained expression tugging at his features as he collapses into the chair across the table from Seokjin with a huff. “Bad.”

“I don’t understand how you managed to fuck this one up,” Seokjin sighs in exasperation. “Literally everyone gets along with Namjoon. He’s, like, the nicest person on the planet. What did you even do?”

“It wasn’t my fault!” Hoseok defends, pointing an accusing finger at Seokjin. “I’m offended that your first instinct is to blame me. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I was the one who rejected him?”

Seokjin levels him with a cool stare. Hoseok drops his gaze to the table before mumbling, “I accidentally set my sleeve on fire.”

“Jesus,” Seokjin groans, “Hobi, how the hell do you manage these things? What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, okay!” Hoseok cries out, “It’s not my fault that they put a candle right next to the basket of breadsticks! What kind of restaurant uses real candles anyway? This is the 21st century! Fake candles exist for a reason, you know!”

Seokjin sighs. “This is the last time I ever set you up on a date.”

“Aw, come on,” Hoseok pouts, “That’s not fair. I promise I won’t fuck up the next one; I think I’ve got the hang of dating now. Really!”

“Hobi, I literally have nobody else to offer. You’ve run through my entire collection of single acquaintances in the span of a few months.”

Hoseok blinks. “What? No way. You have to have at least one more single friend. You know, like, everyone.”

Seokjin raises an eyebrow. “Hoseok, you have a problem. It’s time to accept it.” He pauses. “But I think I have an idea on how to fix it.”

“No, no, I know what you’re thinking,” Hoseok interrupts. “I wear an earpiece. You sit at a table nearby, you speak into a mic, you tell me what to say on the date. It’s a great idea, Jin, but let me tell you something—it never works. Taehyung and I tried that a year or two ago and it didn’t end well.” He pauses. “At least, I don’t think it did. I’m not sure. I think my brain blocked out that memory for my own mental stability.”

“That’s…” Seokjin trails off before shaking his head. “Nevermind. My plan was for us to go on a few practice dates together so I could train you to be less nervous on your real dates.”

“Oh.” Hoseok’s face lights up. “That’s a way better idea! Good thinking, dude.”

“Please never call me dude again.”

“Would you prefer if I called you daddy?”

Seokjin pinches the bridge of his nose. “Get out.”

“You can’t kick me out of our apartment,” Hoseok pouts, “I live here too, you know.”

“I reserve the right to kick you out when you’re acting like an idiot. It’s stated in section thirty-five of our friendship contract.”

Hoseok curses under his breath. “I knew I never should’ve signed that thing.”

“Well, you did. And you’re gonna have to live with the consequences if you do stupid things like calling me daddy when all I’m trying to do is help you out.”

“Alright, alright,” Hoseok frowns, “I’m sorry.” He pauses. “But you have to admit, it does kind of suit you—”

Seokjin groans. “Fucking hell.”

Their first date happens about a week later. Hoseok shows up at Seokjin’s doorstep with a bouquet of flowers, which isn’t saying much, because they already live together—but he thinks it’s the thought that counts.

“Will you hold my hand over the console?” Hoseok asks with twinkling eyes as he grins at Seokjin from the passenger seat.

“No,” Seokjin deadpans. “I don’t hold hands on the first date.”

“But this is a fake first date,” Hoseok pushes, giving his friend the biggest puppy-dog eyes he can muster. “Surely you can break a few rules here and there.”

“Hoseok, the very fact that this date is fake is only more reason for me to reject your hand-holding offer. I’m not in the business of sharing cooties with friends.”

Hoseok slides down in his seat with an irritated grumble. If Seokjin doesn’t want to hold his hand, that’s totally fine. He’s okay with that. He doesn’t mind at all.

Noticing the dark cloud that seems to have materialized over his friend’s head, Seokjin relents with an exasperated sigh, flopping his hand palm-up over the console in an offer to Hoseok. “Fine. But if I crash this car, I’m blaming it on you.”

Hoseok grins from ear to ear as he excitedly threads his fingers with Seokjin’s. He tries not to think too hard about how perfectly they fit together.

The evening has been… a struggle, to say the least. Hoseok managed to knock his chair over when they were being seated, which would have been fine, except when he tried to pick it up, he ended up tripping over the legs and falling face-first into the aisle beside their table.

Seokjin had been hopeful that the chair debacle would be the most eventful happening of the evening, but that hope had been squashed when Hoseok knocked over a vase of flowers with his elbow during an attempt to pull out a stack of notecards from his pocket. The water had gone everywhere—including his notecards—and the waitress had given Seokjin a pitiful look as she swept up the broken glass that decorated the floor.

(The stack of notecards was mostly blank, Seokjin eventually discovered. The ones that did have writing on them had subjects like ‘windmills’, ‘circuit boards’, and ‘wyoming’ scrawled in messy loops across the front. When Seokjin gave Hoseok a questioning look, he’d explained that they were possible topics of conversation, in case he ran out of things to say.)

And now, half an hour later, Hoseok is finishing up a very long and very boring speech about elephants, looking at Seokjin expectantly as the latter sits in stunned silence.

“Wow. That was… a very thorough explanation of the stages of elephant pregnancy.”

“Thank you,” Hoseok beams. “I did lots of research. Now, onto the history of the zipper—”

“Okay, you know what?” Seokjin interrupts his friend with a tight smile, “Just… ask me a question about myself. Try to get to know me.”

“Okay,” Hoseok nods, tossing the stack of notebook cards over his shoulder haphazardly. “Okay, I can do that. Easy.” He blinks. “Uh…. I…” He stares blankly for a few seconds before dropping his head into his hands, voice muffled as he mumbles dejectedly, “God, I can’t think of anything to ask you. My mind is blank. Where are my notecards?”

“Just—Just ask me the first thing that comes to mind,” Seokjin encourages with only a hint of exasperation, grabbing Hoseok’s attention before he can reach for the soggy lump of paper sitting on the corner of the table.

Hoseok lifts his head, staring blankly for a moment before his face lights up and he blurts out, “How big is it?”

Seokjin sighs. “Really?”

“Oh my god,” Hoseok wails, “This is hopeless.”

“It’s not hopeless,” Seokjin tries to comfort with a furrowed brow. “You just… need to learn how to calm down. That’s all.”

“It’s not like I’m trying to be a nervous wreck,” Hoseok laments, sullenly snacking on a breadstick. “I just… I get so nervous, you know? My mind starts to run through all the things that could possibly go wrong and I get so desperate trying not to do or say the wrong thing that I forget what the right thing is.”

Seokjin sighs, giving his friend a sympathetic look. “Try not to get too down about it, alright? We still have all the time in the world to go on these practice dates to help you get to the bottom of whatever this problem is. It’ll all work out okay, I promise.”

Hoseok perks up a bit at that. “Thank you, Jin,” he thanks, glancing between the elder and the breadstick in his hands for a few moments before tearing it in half and offering a piece to him with a big, goofy smile.

Seokjin takes it with twinkling eyes. It’s kind of pathetic, really, that as much as he teases Hoseok, there’s absolutely nothing he wouldn’t do to keep that heart-shaped smile on his face.

Seokjin takes a different approach on his second fake date with Hoseok.

After the disastrous first date, the elder had been left wracking his brain for reasons why Hoseok is the way he is. It’s a bit of an ambiguous question, and many people would simply shrug it off as Hoseok being more nervous in social situations than most—but Seokjin knew that there was something else at play.

Hoseok is a well-liked guy. So well-liked, in fact, that when Seokjin is out perusing the town with his best-friend-slash-roommate, he finds that they’re stopped at least twice a day by complete strangers on the street because of him. Granted, the strangers aren’t quite strangers to Hoseok—they’re usually acquaintances he met at the gym, the coffee shop or even the zoo—but the point is that Seokjin doesn’t think there’s a single living thing on this planet that Hoseok isn’t friends with.

Even their houseplants prefer the younger of the two. (Hoseok vehemently denies this, but Seokjin knows it’s true. He thinks it’s because they’re attracted to the sunshine that Hoseok seems to emit every time he flashes his heart-shaped smile their way.)

The point is that Hoseok is most definitely not a nervous person, at least when it comes to platonic human interaction. The younger man is bright and loud and happy all at once, his cheery aura serving as a welcoming beacon to everyone that crosses his path. He has the largest circle of friends Seokjin has ever witnessed, and he’s even been involved in a few long-term relationships over the years.

So why can’t Hoseok seem to just act normal on first dates?

After another conversation with the man himself and a bit of reflecting on their disastrous first date, Seokjin deduced that he still had absolutely no idea what was going on inside Hoseok’s brain. However, he did manage to come up with a new plan for their second date—one that Hoseok was most definitely going to hate.

Exposure therapy.

Of course, Seokjin wasn’t going to tell Hoseok about his plan before he enacted it. That would defeat the point of it all. So, when Hoseok shows up two minutes late to their fake date with a worried expression and a mouthful of apologies, Seokjin levels him with a disinterested stare.

“You’re late.”

Hoseok’s hair is sticking every which way, a few of the sandy-colored strands plastered to his forehead. His fancy dress shirt is one button off from being correctly centered, and his pants are a bit rumpled up from something, the crinkles standing out starkly against the dark material.

“I’m so sorry,” Hoseok apologizes profusely, eyes shining with genuine guilt as he takes a nervous seat across from Seokjin. “I, uh, had to… take my... niece... to.... badminton practice?"

Seokjin hums. “How lovely. Tell me, Hoseok—what’s your niece’s name?”

"Um......... Fuckson? No, no, that's not right... Chlorissa? Torple? America?" Hoseok gulps. Shakes his head. "That—that was a lie. I don't have a niece. Is it hot in here, or is that just me?" He loosens his already uneven tie, glancing nervously towards the bathrooms behind him. "I've gotta use the... the whiz palace. You know. That place. Where you go do your business. Yeah."

Before Seokjin can say another word, Hoseok is tripping out of his chair and making a mad dash for the restrooms, stumbling all the way there. Seokjin winces when his friend takes an accidental turn into the women's restroom rather than the men's, waiting for the accompanying shriek that usually comes alongside Hoseok's all-too-common accidents.

But instead of a terrified scream, Seokjin is met with the face of a nervous Hoseok peeking out of the doorway, his eyes wide and frantic as he makes eye contact with his fake date across the restaurant.

"Bathroom!" Hoseok shouts, ignoring the stares of the other patrons in the room. "It's called a bathroom! Hah!"

Seokjin throws the staff an apologetic smile before dropping his head onto the table dramatically. They have long, long ways to go.

“Hoseok is…. in worse shape than I thought,” Seokjin admits quietly, glancing over his shoulder when he hears the sound of familiar laughter echoing from the table a few feet behind him. Hoseok is sitting by himself, laughing at… nothing. Seokjin turns back to the bartender, a close friend named Jimin, with a look of disbelief. “Is he practice laughing?”

“Maybe you should take a different approach?” Jimin muses, eyes sparkling as he glances at Hoseok over Jin’s shoulder. “Try showing him what a bad date would feel like so he doesn’t psych himself out anymore?”

“I already did that,” Seokjin groans, “I don’t know what else to try. Seriously. He just… ran off to the bathroom. After lying about having a niece.”

Jimin hums. “Maybe try laying it on a bit thicker. You’re still being too nice; you’ve gotta channel your inner asshole. Think about all the shitty dates you’ve been on in your past.”

“Isn’t that a bit mean, though?” Seokjin asks. “I’ve been on some pretty bad dates; I don’t want to traumatize him.”

“Hoseok isn’t made of glass, Jin,” Jimin smiles. “He’ll be fine, I promise. Besides, he knows how much you care about him. He’s not gonna take anything you say or do to heart.”

Seokjin sighs in resignation. “You’re right.” He glances over at his friend once more. “I guess I should get back to him before he breaks anything else. Or has another conversation with an imaginary date.”

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” Jimin grins cheekily, “Have fun bullying your fake date!’

Seokjin flips him off before making his way back to the table, already in character when Hoseok greets him with a warm smile and bright eyes. He finds it hard not to immediately melt at the sight—not for any reason in particular; Hoseok just has that effect on people—and when he takes his seat across from the younger man, Seokjin has to push down the urge to smile back.

“What did Jiminie have to say?” Hoseok asks cheerily, fingertips drumming nervously against the tablecloth. Seokjin ignores the question and reaches over to take a french fry off of Hoseok’s plate. The younger man blinks at him in confusion, the ever-present smile on his face slipping slightly. “Jin? Is everything al—”

“So,” Seokjin interrupts loudly and leans over to snatch another fry from Hoseok’s plate, still chewing on the first one he stole as he speaks. “How do you feel about sex on the first date?”

“Uhh…” Hoseok trails off uncomfortably, shifting a bit in his seat. “I’m sorry, w-what?”

Seokjin pauses in his chewing and stares at Hoseok silently for a few seconds before swallowing dramatically, eyebrows raised in slight annoyance. “I said,” he drawls, “How do you feel about sex on the first date? I need to know if tonight is gonna be worth my time.”

“That… that’s....” Hoseok murmurs in disbelief, “Um. Wow. Okay then.”

A few beats of silence pass, the two men staring at each other uncomfortably until Seokjin breaks the silence. “Another important question. How do you feel about full moons? I love them. Personally, I feel really connected to wolves. I’m pretty sure I was a wolf in my past life, actually.”

“Wolves are… cool, I guess?” Hoseok agrees, the end of his sentence twisting to sound more like a question than a response. “They look fluffy.”

“Fluffy?” Seokjin splutters, “You’re kidding me. They’re ruthless killing machines, Hongjoong. The epitome of what an alpha male should be. I was definitely an alpha wolf in my past life.”

“Hongjoong?” Hoseok asks, pointedly ignoring whatever the hell else Seokjin just said.

“Oh. My bad. I have a date with my boyfriend later tonight—his name is Hongjoong—and I got your names kinda mixed up.” He pauses. “Wait, what’s your name again?”

“Hoseok,” he grits out.

“Ohhh,” Seokjin grins lazily, “I remember now! You’re the dude with the flat ass. Your profile said you were a dancer, though, so I thought there was a good chance you’re good in bed. We all have to make sacrifices, I guess. You get it, right?”

Hoseok’s jaw drops to the floor. It’s going to be a long, long night.

“I can’t believe you’d say that, Seokjin,” Hoseok murmurs, his eyes widened in disbelief. “That dog was my best friend, it crushed me when we had to let him go—”

“Brring brring,” Seokjin interrupts, holding up his phone before pretending to talk to someone on the other end of the line. “Oh, hey Hongjoong. Yeah. No, I’m not busy. Just on a date with the flat ass guy I told you about.” He’s silent for a few moments, never once breaking eye contact with Hoseok as he speaks into the receiver. “Yeah. Hold on, I’ll ask him.” He covers the receiver with the palm of his hand. “Hey, wanna watch a porno with me and my boyfriend tonight?”

Hoseok sits there in shocked silence for a few moments before a line of anger creases his brow, eyes narrowed in irritation as he sends a disgusted scowl Seokjin’s way. “No, Seokjin, because you’re disgusting. I am disgusted.”

Seokjin stares blankly for a few seconds. “So, it’s definitely a no?”

“I don’t understand why you’re being so horrible!” Hoseok raises his voice, gesturing wildly as he groans in frustration. “We’re just two people trying to go on a date. It’s supposed to be fun!”

“You’re right,” Seokjin grins, placing his phone down on the table. “It is just a date. Well done, my friend.”

Hoseok tilts his head, brow furrowing in confusion. “Huh?”

“I’m sorry I was so rude to you,” he explains, “But now you see that even if everything goes wrong, you’ll survive. Dates are meant to be fun, Hoseok—there’s no need to put so much pressure on yourself.”

“Oh.” Hoseok blinks. “Ohhh,” a grin begins to stretch across his face as he leans back in his chair, “I see what you did there, you sneaky, sneaky smurf.”

Seokjin shakes his head, watching with a small smile as Hoseok immediately delves into his opinion on the newest Scooby-Doo live action movie. Some things never change, he thinks to himself, unable to keep the wave of fondness that washes over him at bay.

It’s on the third date that Seokjin realizes he loves Hoseok.

Now, in a normal situation, Seokjin would agree that the third date is a bit soon to be making such powerful declarations. But this isn’t a normal situation, and Seokjin is pretty sure that he’s actually been in love with his best friend for a long, long time.

He isn’t sure why it took him so long to figure it out, nor does he know why the sight of Hoseok laughing at a joke he made while sipping on a strawberry milkshake is The Moment™ that the realization dawned upon him—but that doesn’t matter; not really. Because Hoseok is smiling at him with crinkles by his eyes and dimples on full display and he thinks his heart is about to beat clear out of his chest.

Seokjin isn’t an absolute disaster on first dates like his friend tends to be, but he hasn’t had a long term relationship since moving in with Hoseok two years ago, either. He never really took the time to think about why that is—he always assumed he just hadn’t found “the one” yet—but looking at it in hindsight, it’s because nobody compared to Hoseok. Nobody compares to him now, sitting across the booth from Seokjin with his twinkling eyes and excited hand gestures.

Hoseok is doing far better than he did on their past two dates. Seokjin managed to convince him to leave the notecards with topics of conversation on them at their apartment, and while Hoseok was nervous that he’d run out of things to discuss without them by his side, he soon realized he had nothing to worry about.

He had nothing to worry about, because Seokjin is completely and utterly enamored by every little thing that Hoseok says, clinging to the words that fall from his lips no matter how silly they might be. Because Hoseok’s words have a warmth to them; they’re instilled with pure joy, spoken with a bright smile and sprinkled with love.

“Jin?” Hoseok’s voice breaks Seokjin out of his thoughts. He’s waving his hand haphazardly in front of his face, peppering in a snap of his fingers every so often for added effect. “Anyone home?”

“Cut it out.” Seokjin bats away Hoseok’s hands, fighting the smile creeping onto his face.

Hoseok pouts. “You weren’t paying attention to me.”

If only you knew, Seokjin thinks to himself. Instead, he says: “You haven’t done anything yet to grab my attention. By now, you’ve usually broken at least one inanimate object and offended at least two workers.”

“That means I’ve improved!” Hoseok points out with a grin, chomping down excitedly on a curly fry dipped in ranch. “I think I’m just about ready for a real date, Jin.”

Seokjin freezes. “You are,” he agrees slowly, trying to fight the sinking feeling in his chest.

“You know, there’s this cute boy who gave me his number the other day at the ice cream shop,” Hoseok babbles mindlessly as he scrolls through his contacts, “I could shoot him a text. He seemed nice enough, and it’d be a great way to test my improvement out in the real world, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Seokjin murmurs as he fidgets with the strings on his hoodie. “Yes. That sounds great, Hobi.”

The fake date carries on like normal. Seokjin rolls his eyes at Hoseok’s antics one too many times, and the younger man laughs a little too enthusiastically at his cheesy puns and dad jokes. It’s nothing out of the ordinary for their fake dates—except this time, Seokjin finds himself wishing it was real.

It’s been a long time since Seokjin has allowed himself to sulk, but he’s pretty sure that being hit with the realization that he’s in love with his best-friend-slash-roommate and knowing that his feelings aren’t returned are good enough reasons to dig into his emergency stash of ice cream.

Hoseok is out on a date tonight. A date that isn’t with Seokjin. He left about fifteen minutes ago, Sekojin notes as he glances at his watch in dismay. He’s probably out cracking jokes and knocking over chairs and breaking water glasses and embarrassing himself—all with a stranger.

Not Seokjin.

Never Seokjin; at least, never again.

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of knuckles rapping clumsily at his front door. He sets his ice cream down on the coffee table with a huff, because he has a sinking feeling that his perfectly valid plans for a lonely night filled with self-pity are about to be interrupted. He just wants to eat his ice cream in peace, dammit—not to mention he hasn’t even had time to be sad about Hoseok’s date yet.

But when Seokjin opens the door to see Hoseok standing there with a smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers, his heart can’t help but tremble.

“Hobi. This is literally our apartment, you don’t have to knock.”

Hoseok winks. “I know.”

“Did you forget your keys or something?” Seokjin asks, the hint of exhaustion tinging the edge of his words suddenly fading away to make room for confusion when the smattering of pink, yellow and white flowers in Hoseok’s arms suddenly registers in his mind. “Wait, why do you have flowers? I thought you were meeting that boy from the ice cream shop? Oh my god, did you already run him off, that has to be a new record for you—”

“I’m the one who called off the date,” Hoseok interrupts, his grin never fading as Seokjin continues to look at him with growing uncertainty.

“What? I thought you liked him?”

Hoseok shrugs. “I went to buy him flowers before we met up, but I realized that I didn’t really want to be buying flowers for him after all.”

“I… don’t think I’m quite following what you’re saying, Hobi,” Seokjin drawls, eyes wide and brows raised. “You called off the date because you didn’t feel like buying flowers?”

“I called off the date because I realized that I wanted to be buying flowers for you, not the cute ice cream guy,” Hoseok says cheerily, like it’s the most casual thing in the world. “I wanted to be buying a bouquet of flowers for you. I wanted to be meeting you at that restaurant, for a real, actual date.”

Seokjin blinks. Hoseok carries on.

“You see, I was looking at all the different colored roses and I thought ‘Hey, these colors remind me of Seokjin’, and then it hit me that I’m kind of in love with you. Like, really in love with you. Head over heels. Absolutely bonkers. Unbelievably enamored, if you will. Hey, has anyone ever told you that you have really kissable lips? They’re, like, super soft and shiny and pretty. I really wanna kiss them. Can I? Is that too forward of me?”

Hoseok finally halts his rambling of words with an excited grin, completely oblivious to the way Seokjin stands flabbergasted just a few feet in front of him. His chest feels warm and fuzzy and he doesn’t think twice before reaching out and pulling Hoseok into a kiss. It’s messy and uncoordinated and their teeth accidentally clash when Hoseok makes a loud noise of surprise, but it’s perfect, their bodies fitting together like two missing puzzle pieces as they sink into each other’s embrace.

And when Seokjin finally pulls away after an indiscernible amount of time, he finds that the only words he can manage to say are, “That was the least romantic confession I’ve ever heard.”

“Sorry,” Hoseok grins, not actually sorry at all. “Does this mean that you like me back, though?”

Seokjin throws him an incredulous look. “I literally just made out with you in our front doorway. Where all the neighbors can see us.”

“Bros kiss all the time, my dude. I just wanted to make sure that was an ‘i’m-in-love-with-you’ kiss, not an ‘i-know-we’re-bros-and-all-but-i-kinda-wanna-kiss-you-because-you’re-hot’ kiss.”

“Why would it ever be the second option?” Seokjin asks, dumbfounded. “Wait—which of your ‘bros’ have you been kissing? Why didn’t I ever know about this?”

“Jungkook. Only when we’re drunk, though.”

“Oh my god,” Seokjin groans, “Is that where the two of you would run off to every time we went to a house party together?”

Hoseok snickers. “Maybe.”

“I did not need to know that. Please, take it back. Wipe my memory away with one of those little Apple TV remotes from Men In Black.”

“Don’t worry, Jin,” Hoseok laughs, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his lips. “You’re the only person I wanna sneak off with now. Besides, Jungkook has his eyes on Taehyung these days.”

“Whatever,” Seokjin grumbles in a voice that the both of them know isn’t truly bothered. “And to be clear, that kiss earlier was actually a ‘you’re-an-idiot-but-for-some-reason-i-love-you-too kiss. Now get back over here and let me kiss you again.”

Seokjin and Hoseok’s dates still manage to end in disaster more often than not. But Hoseok always reacts with an embarrassed giggle and a smile on his face, and Seokjin wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

A/N; yes i’m alive. sorry 😳

MASTERLIST

#hoseok x seokjin #2seok #hoseok #seokjin #bts fic #bts fluff #bangtanuniversity #bts mxm

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one-chicago-fanfiction · 3 years ago

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Gabby and Antonio: This Instinct to Run

Word Count: 2k

Summary: This story is set many years prior to the beginnings of all One Chicago shows. When Antonio tells Gabby he's having top surgery at last, the two of them share a difficult, interesting conversation.

Antonio Dawson was nervous. He was waiting for his sister in their usual spot—a diner on the corner, just a few blocks away from the house they grew up in. It had, for a while, been their after school place, mostly in the years where Gabby was too young to be home alone, and Antonio’s school bus took longer to get him home than her’s did. They were older now, and Antonio was nursing a coffee, slouched down in the seat, one knee up at his chest, the other leg stretched out before him. He probably didn’t look nervous, but his heart was slamming hard in his chest, and a sickly sort of adrenaline coursing through him.

They hadn’t seen a lot of each other lately, and it was starting to take a toll as far as Antonio was concerned. Gabby was taking classes, training as an EMT. Antonio’s heart, meanwhile, still pulled him towards the same two things it always had. One of those things was the Chicago police department, a dream he’d harboured for almost as long as he could remember. When he thought about how long it was taking him to get started in his career there, he ached as if he’d already lost something. There was a desperation there, thrumming under his skin, a voice telling him soon, soon…

But first, there was something else he needed to do, something even more important. This thing, this one last thing on his to do list before he could start the rest of his life? Antonio Dawson had never wanted anything more.

Gabby walked into the diner, and met his eye with a smile and a nod. She ordered herself a drink and slid onto one of the seats opposite him, pausing only to kiss his cheek before she pulled off her coat and sat down. Antonio sat a little straighter. There was so much of their mother in Gabby, and the smile he gave his loving, strong willed, incredible sister was small, nervous. Something flashed through her eyes, something like suspicion. She’d seen, right away, the thing he’d been trying to hide.

“Good to see you, sis,” he said. Gabby hummed, dismissing his attempt at pleasantries.

“What’s going on with you?” She asked, nodding thanks to the waiter who placed her coffee on the table between them. She took a long sip.

“What’re you talking about?” Antonio asked. “I’m all good.”

“Sure,” said Gabby, wiping foam from her top lip. “That’s why you’re all weird and—sweaty—right now.”

“I’m not...” Antonio started, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. “I’m not sweaty.”

“And I’m not stupid,” Gabby said. “This isn’t no casual catch up. I wanna know what’s going on.” As kindly as she said it, her unblinking gaze was a challenge, and one of the common themes of their childhood had been Gabby’s challenges, Antonio succumbing to them every time.

“Okay,” he said. “Fine. I have news. I was gonna build up to telling you this, you know? I was actually gonna ask how things are going with you.”

“You can ask me that after,” she said, then another swig of her coffee. Antonio could smell the sweetness of it from here. Pumpkin spice maybe. Damn October. A pang of envy struck him. He should have thought of that himself. He cleared his throat, pulled himself back to what mattered.

“Sure,” he said, a quick glance around the diner before he went on, talking a little quieter now. “Okay. I, uh…I got the money together for my top surgery. It’s finally gonna happen.”

“Woah,” Gabby said, eyes wide, pushing her coffee aside as she leaned in a little closer. “Woah, Antonio. That’s—amazing. Are you, uh—I mean—do you have a date yet?”

“Two months from now,” he said, unable to stave off his idiot grin, even with his heart pounding so hard. He wondered if he looked as unhinged as he was worried he did.

“That’s soon,” Gabby said.

“Not soon enough,” Antonio said. “Trust me.”

“So,” said Gabby, and paused. It unsettled him that she was taking her time, choosing her words so carefully. It was something he was getting slowly used to, the way his sister would hold herself back sometimes, like his coming out had undone some of the comfort between them, like she couldn’t just let herself be, in case she said something that stung him, as if he wasn’t able to come back from that. Like she didn’t completely know him anymore.

“So?” He prompted.

“So,” she said, “you’re ready, then? I mean…for all of…for everything?”

“All of it,” Antonio said. “I’m ready for all of it.” Gabby smiled.

“Then I’m happy for you.”

“Look,” said Antonio. “I know some of this has been weird for you, but I—“

“Hey, no,” said Gabby. “It’s not that, I just—“

“Would you let me finish?” He said, a fond smile on his face. Gabby yielded with a nod of deference, slouching in her seat now, the mirror image of her brother across the table.

“I just wanted to say I appreciate your support,” he said. “I mean…I also kinda wish you’d stop treating me like some fragile bird.” Gabby made a face.

“Fragile bird?”

“Honestly?” Antonio started. “Never thought I’d say this, but I kinda miss you messing with me all the time. Lately you’ve been treating me like I can’t handle that stuff. Is it, uh…Is it that you’re…”

“That I’m what?” She asked, watching him so intensely now that he had to take a breath just to steady himself.

“Okay,” he said. “Sometimes I’m scared that…I mean, sometimes it feels like, maybe, you don’t know how to talk to me anymore.”

“Antonio,” she said, and his mind jumped back to the first time he’d told her the name he’d chosen, the first time she repeated it back to him, setting it in stone for the both of them. “It’s not that. It’s just…okay, yeah, this is all new to me. I’m kinda learning as we go here. And I love you no matter what, and I want you to be happy. I’m not mom and dad. I’m not gonna try to push you back in the closet just so I can tell myself we’re a normal family. You’re my brother, and I know now—that’s who you’ve always been. It’s just...I guess I’m still getting used to the fact that I was wrong for so long.”

“Okay,” Antonio said, holding himself back from apologising, quiet and desperately proud for not saying it right there at the table. He’d apologised to their parents, to the couple of so called friends who didn’t get it, to the girlfriend who’d broken up with him, pretty much on the spot. At the first hint of her sadness, Antonio had made his apologies and left. But time had passed now, and his truth wasn’t something to apologise for anymore. He knew that now. Or, at least, there were moments when he knew it, and moments when he tried to.

Nobody deserved those apologies from him, and nobody else was going to get them. Not even Gabby.

“Just be patient with me,” Gabby said. “I really am trying.”

Antonio bristled a little, but forced a smile despite it. They’d always been close, always been the ‘Dawson Girls’ growing up, and Antonio had hated that term even before he truly understood why. He wondered if, despite knowing he was only one person, had only ever been one person, if Gabby was mourning him anyway, even as he sat opposite her.

“If you miss having a sister,” said Antonio, “just know you never really had one at all. Just the idea of it, that’s all.” Gabby made a face.

“Well, okay,” she started. “I get that, but for a long time there, that idea was my reality. It’s gonna take me longer than—“

“It’s been over a year,” Antonio said. He hadn’t expected this when they’d arranged to meet, this anger in him, the hot liquid shock of it coiling under his skin. Another living thing inside of him.

His transition was not a graveyard. He wasn’t burying his old self, wasn’t killing off some girl, someone’s daughter, someone’s sister. They hadn’t talked about it, but Gabby had mourned a little at every landmark of his transition. She’d celebrated with him of course, but he could sense the sadness in her too, quiet and hidden away. The day he came out to her, the day he started testosterone, the first day she noticed a drop in his voice. The binder he wore today was safe, and it fit him correctly, and now that he was on T it helped him pass in public, but it still felt like a prison.

Summer had passed, sticky and hot, and all the while Antonio had contended with the harsh fabric against his skin, his chest pressed impossibly flat against him, a miracle and a curse all at once. Working out was almost impossible, breathing too deeply ached, and the sight of other men effortless in tank tops, or shirtless in public—it stung him just to see it. He’d lost count of the summer days he’d spent whiled away inside, just so he didn’t have to bind in that heat, just so he didn’t have to come face to face with the things he needed to survive, and didn’t yet have.

His sister watched him from across the table, folded her arms across her chest. There was Dawson anger in her as well, and the barest hint of disappointment that only made Antonio want to get up and leave. He’d perfected that too—this instinct to run.

“Do you really think I’m like that?” Gabby asked. “You really think I’m not happy for you, just because I miss thinking I had a sister? Sometimes I do miss thinking that, but I have a brother now, and I wouldn’t change you for anything. All that stuff mom and dad think matters? It doesn’t. This does. We do.”

Antonio blinked. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s...that’s what I mean. I guess...I guess I just don’t like feeling like I’m something you have to settle for.” Gabby’s gaze hardened on him then. She was fierce, and wild—they both were, in a way, but Gabby was sharper at her edges, and stronger at her heart. Antonio swallowed hard.

“You are not a consolation prize, Antonio,” she said, and for a long moment afterwards, neither of them said anything. They just sat there, the Dawson siblings, eyes fixed on each other, just watching, waiting for one of them to break.

In the end, as was always the way among them, it was Antonio.

“Long story short,” he said, “I called you here to ask you something.”

“Sure,” said Gabby, reaching for her coffee once more, the tension going out of her, the air a little cooler and easier to breathe between them. Antonio felt his heartbeat calm a little too. He fixed his eyes on the table in front of him.

“Can I, uh…Can I stay with you for a while? After surgery I mean.” He glanced up to find Gabby smiling at him, watched as she reached across the table and punched him on the arm, as if they were kids again. “Ow.”

“Damn right you’re staying with me,” she said. “Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you.”

“There’s no one better,” he said, rubbing his arm. Gabby laughed.

“No one better to order me around,” she said, “than my big brother.”

“Will you listen to me, though?” He asked.

“Nah,” said Gabby, and clinked her cup against his before downing the rest of her coffee. “Cheers.”

#I used to think I didn't have any stories to tell about being trans #but I'm slowly learning I was wrong #Antonio Dawson #Gabriella Dawson #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD

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sapphic-yearning-lesbian · 4 years ago

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So I remember reading an ask on someone’s tumblr. I don’t exactly remember from who or when. But they wanted an insight on Raya’s struggle with reading and writing. I wrote a one-shot inspired by that question. And of course it finishes with some fluff because I couldn't help myself.

Word Count: 1451

Weeks after Kumandra was reunited.

Raya was looking down at the piles of papers spread across a table. Her Ba was sitting across from her, quickly reading an article and signing it. Raya, on the other hand, was struggling. She was 12 when she stopped reading and writing.

It's not a survival skill to read and write; it's a luxury. And she was just coming to terms with it.

"Trade…ne-go-ti-a-tions," Raya sounded out to herself. T

Raya tackled reading by sounding out each difficult word before attempting to puzzle together what it could actually mean; by reading and comparing all the terms within a document, she usually finds out what a specific word means.

Complicated words, surrounded by descriptive words, can make them uncomplicated.

She smiled as she realized Fang was requesting more rice in exchange for more chiles and thyme.

A negotiation was finding a medium to a situation that benefits both parties.

However, if worse comes to worst and she really couldn't figure out the meaning of a word, she would ask her Ba, who was always happy to help.

Raya yawned as she signed the document. Placing it on a pile in front of her Ba so he could double-check her work.

Lucky after doing this for months, she has never messed up a trade. Or at least that her Ba has told her about.

Raya frowned as she grabbed another document, most mornings from 5 to 6. They sit in this office and do paperwork before breakfast.

And she hates it. She could be sleeping or eating, but she's stuck in a room needing to read and sign documents.

—

It's been a year now.

"AHHHH, I still hate this," Raya stated. Things are different now. She doesn't find reading and writing that hard anymore but annoying.

It's still a daily chore she must complete, but now she does it before bed, from 9 to 10.

Namaari was sitting on her bed reading a book. She wanted to be with her, talking, flirting, sparring, anything but reading and signing documents.

Raya looked down at the piles of paper; she now has more complex paperwork, including math. Mostly decimals and fractions. The documents are filled with numbers based on the outflow of goods and the inflow of goods.

So her chore requires more thought and patience.

She had just gotten comfortable reading propositions on trades. Now she needs to do math with her English.

She was so overwhelmed by her own thoughts and hatred for this chore she didn't realize Namaari was behind her. "That's weird…" she said, taking a paper from Raya's desk. She was standing beside Raya, her hands leaning on the desk as her eyes skimmed the paper.

Raya tried to read her eyes. She noticed Namaari looked generally confused until her eyes filled with an understanding, and a smirk covered her face before saying. "The negotiations look legit, but these," she chuckled as she lifted a paper with math on it. "We deal with numbers, but this is not that." She threw her head back as she exploded in laughter, "I think your Ba hired someone to create homework for you. I'm assuming it's him trying to secretly help you improve your educational skills."

Raya felt her cheeks redden. It now makes sense. Usually, on Fridays, she has a mandatory meeting with her Ba, where she explains what was easy and difficult about her chores. She had never put the pieces together.

Truthfully she wasn't mad at him. How could she be! Whatever he was doing was working. She was getting better and more confident in her skills. "Well then, at least I can stop stressing that if I mess up, all our trades will be off."

Namaari stopped laughing and turned her head to look at me. I confidently held my gaze on her, her chocolate eyes shimmering in the candlelight illuminating my desk. "Give yourself more credit! You've been doing good," She chuckled, nibbling on her bottom lip. "I always double-check any Fang trade negations with Heart...just in case."

They both burst out laughing as Raya's face turned a bright red. "I'm really trying, but I get so mad sometimes." She lifted up a paper with math problems on it. "This should be a second nature to me, and I struggle." She sighed deeply before breaking her eye contact with Namaari and looking at her wall. The clock said 10; at least she was done with that for today.

"Hey! It's normal to feel discouraged while doing things that push what we know. It doesn't make your process any less valid!" Namaari said in a stern voice to get her point across to the other. However, Raya seemed lost in her thoughts. She had her lips pressed together, and she was staring intensely at the pile of documents in front of her.

"It's easy for you to say that, Maari. You're great at everything." Raya responded in almost a whisper as she heard the other girl chuckle.

"I'm actually quite terrible at math. That was never a subject I excelled at. I did the minimum, if I'm honest." Namaari said as Raya chuckled and rolled her eyes. "The truth is, Raya, you can't be great at everything!" Namaari licked her lips as Raya turned to her locking their eyes together once again. "There will be things you struggle with while you excel in others. But no matter what, remember you are doing your best! That's what matters." Raya's coffee eyes shimmered with tears starting to pool in her eyes as a smile plastered onto her lips.

"You look so rough on the exterior but are so soft in your interior, Maari," Raya answered, smirking and raising her left eyebrow. Namaari's cheeks went red as she cupped her hand, brushing her hair behind her ear. This made Raya's heart almost combust within her chest. "Thank you; for listening to me rant and consoling me...It's hard for me to admit, but this has been difficult, learning by myself, only because I'm too proud to ask for help." Raya admitted as she read Namaari's eyes and found herself almost gasping for air when she realized the love hidden behind the other princess's following words.

"From now on, when we're together, we'll spend an hour together doing our paperwork so I can help you without you needing to ask me." Nammari excitedly answered. She hated paperwork as much as Raya did, but if paperwork included her, it couldn't be as bad. "If I notice you're struggling, I'll help you!" She unintentionally scrunched up her nose before finishing. "Plus, you won't need to thank me."

Raya watched Namaari with so much fondness and love. She couldn't believe that this fang warrior was excited to help HER; So she searched the girl's face for any sense of hesitation or an ounce of dishonesty, but all she found was affection and love. Namaari was looking at her just as her Ba used to look at her Ma.

Namaari waited for Raya to say anything about her proposition, but she didn't. Instead, she hummed and placed her right hand on Namaari's right cheek. Her coffee eyes filled with so much happiness and desire. Namaari could feel her heartbeat accelerate as Raya's eyes found their way to her lips.

"I won't say thank you then, but I'll do this," Raya managed to say before gently rubbing her own nose against Namaari's, trying to get consent from the other before she processed. Maari soon after brought her hands up to Raya's cheeks. Raya took this as her consent and pressed her lips against the others.

The kiss was gentle at first, their lips getting familiar with each other. That lasted for a few seconds before Namaari ran her tongue against Raya's bottom lip. Which Raya didn't hesitate to part as the other's tongue quickly explored her mouth. The once warm and gentle kiss was now heated and passionate.

Raya tasted like her peach chapstick, which made Namaari smile against her lips. She must admit that her freshly brushed teeth made the taste of their shared oral liquids taste quite odd, but nevertheless, she was kissing RAYA.

The princesses snuck a couple breathes between kisses but had to part for air. They both opened their eyes and rested their foreheads together.

Both their lips were swollen from all the kissing, but that was irrelevant. Raya finally got to kiss the girl she had been dreaming about kissing for years, and she kissed her back. "I could get used to that," Namaari stuttered as she was catching her breath.

Raya smiled before answering, "I already have," following up with a wink.

#namaari #raya #Disney Namaari #disney raya #raya x namaari #Namaari x Raya #raya namaari #namaari of fang #rayaari #ratld namaari #raya and the last dragon #ratld raya #ratld #ratld incorrect quotes #raya incorrect quotes

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betterthebest · 3 years ago

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Here We Go Again | An MJF Fanfic Part 4

Status: *Not requested*

Description: Bella was a teen wrestler working in the Indy circuit until an injury cost her her short career. She and MJF were friends turned lovers, turned strangers and friends again. What happens when she joins AEW to lead a faction with her ex? Will their history jeopardize their rekindled friendship?

A/N: This is an alternate universe (no covid :p) where MJF didn’t earn a spot in the inner circle. Hope you all enjoy my original story!

See also: (Part 1) (Part 2)

“Is it possible for me to kiss you?” James’ voice was shaking. We parked up in front of Britt’s after our date. We had a great time at a bar in downtown Jacksonville. I liked talking to him. He’s very down to earth and mature. I’ve dated guys his age before and they weren’t mature when they were supposed to be. We got along great and the three hours we spent together felt like no time at all. We listened to music and talked about life and what we wanted out of it. The talks were never shallow which I appreciated. I looked at him with a smile. “It’s possible.” He smiled back and leaned in. I leaned over the consol. He placed his hand on my cheek and pulled me in softly. In one swift motion his lips connected with mine. It was slow and sweet. He was a good kisser but I couldn’t help but compare him to Max. They were both soft and tender. It was different though, there was love behind my kisses with Max, even last week. I had to figure what I wanted from him. Am I able to move on? Maybe it’s not with James, but maybe it’s not with anyone. We pulled away, smiling. “Sweet,” he said. I giggled, “you’re good.” He laughed, “thank you, so are you.” We talked a little bit more before saying goodnight. He waited for Britt to open the door for me before pulling off. Britt hugged me when I walked in. “What the...?” “How was it?” She grinned. “It was fun.” “And did he kiss you?” She grinned. “Were you watching?” Britt closed her lips together, looking around the room. “Nooo?” I shook my head, laughing. “He did.” “Was it good?” “He was good.” I put on my best smile. Britt of course didn’t buy into my giddiness. “What happened? Did he say something douchy? I’ll kill him. You think you know a guy,” she shook her head. “No, Britt. He’s great. It’s just...Max slipped into my mind.” I sat on the couch in defeat. “He wasn’t on my mind before that kiss.” Britt sat next to me. “Oh Bell, what are you going to do about Max?” “I don’t know. All I know is this was a bad idea.” “No, stop it’s not. You’re just confused.” “How can I get over it?” I dropped my head to my hands. Britt rubbed my back to comfort me. “I don’t know babes, I don’t know.” I heard footsteps behind us. I sat up and looked back at Austin. “What’s going on?” He placed his hands on his hips. “She’s having a moment,” Britt said with a sigh. Austin nodded his head. “Are you okay kiddo?” “Max,” was all I could say. “My name isn’t Max, but...” “It’s about Max you dip,” Britt rolled her eyes. “I know that babe, I’m trying to make her smile.” “Well you failed,” Britt said, causing me to chuckle. She looked at me, “I won.” “Britt won,” I said softly. Austin shook his head, “seriously. What happened?” Austin walked in front of us. “How do I get over this comparing guys to Max?” “Get under him,” he shrugged. “Tried that. Made things worse.” Austin looked at me then at Britt with wide eyes. “I um shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t want to know.” “She’s not a child anymore babe.” “But she’s like my sister.” He turned his attention back to me. “You need guy advice, don’t you?” “Duh, Jenkins.” I said and Britt laughed. “Seriously, what should I do?” I sat, laying my head on the couch backing. “Talk to him about it. you two will be working close together for a while. The tension might be great for tv, but you need peace of mind.” “I had a feeling you’d say to talk to him,” I sighed. He chuckled, “you have to be an adult about it.” He’s completely right. As much as I hated it, Austin is usually right when I get advice from him. Austin left for bed while Britt and I talked about my night. I needed to get Max off my mind, at least for the night. I was going to see him in the morning. I’ll have to rip the band-aid off and that’s just what I was going to do.

The next day Britt drove me to the airport. I made my way through TSA and met up with Max. He was sitting at a coffee shop, phone in hand. An announcement came over the speakers saying flights to New York will be delayed. I approached him and sat in the chair across from him. He looked up at his phone and smiled at me. “Hey, you.” “Hey, how’s it going?” “Eh, pissed that our flight will be another hour.” He looked at the board next to us with all the flights and times they will leave and arrive somewhere. “Well that sucks.” We made small talk. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him just yet. We talked about next week. I didn’t want to bring down the conversation by telling him what’s on my mind. It started to irritate me to the point where I just had to tell him. “Max? Can I... I need to tell you something.” “Yeah what’s up? You look nervous.” He placed his hand on mine and gave it a quick squeeze. My palms were sweating and my mouth went dry. I needed that to be the other way around. I just came out and spewed word vomit at him. “James asked me out so we went out and he kissed me. When he did kiss me I thought about you and now I’m a mess because I’m thinking about you.” I took a deep breath. Max had a blank expression on his face. We sat in an awkward silence for a couple of minutes. “So you went out with James?” I nodded. “And you kissed him?” I nodded again. “And you thought of me?” “Max I just told you.” “Do you still love me? And don’t say you’ll always love me, you know what I mean.” “I don’t know Max and that’s the problem.” “How did you feel about me when we fucked?” His tone got more aggressive. I didn’t answer. He pulled his chair closer to mine. “How did you feel about me when we fucked?” He whispered in the same tone. His face was only inches from mine. “Look at me.” “It felt amazing. I missed you and being in your arms,” I said softly. Our eyes connected. He reached out and cupped my cheek with his hand. “Then be mine again,” he ran his thumb across my cheek bone. “Max I-I don’t know.” He dropped his hand and stood up. “Well when you know, come talk to me.” He took his luggage and walked away. I watched as we walked towards the gate. My head started pounding and my heart sunk. We can’t even be friends. I didn’t want to ruin things, but here we are. He doesn’t even want to be my friend and that’s what hurts the most. I got a text from James asking how I was. I lied to avoid conversation. He told me to have a safe flight and we left it at that. Max and I sat in different rows. He didn’t even look at me I felt like a huge pile of crap. My throat tightened, I couldn’t help but let tears flow. All of a sudden a memory came back from when we were 16.

. . . . . .

I took the train from school to the training facility. It was only a half hour ride. Davey picked me up from the station and had another kid in the passenger’s seat. He looked about my age, dark hair and dark deep set eyes. He had an air of confidence about him, almost to the point of cockiness. He looked kind of small so maybe he was trying put on a façade. He would look at me every once in a while through the rearview mirror. It wasn’t anything creepy, more of trying to figure me out. Even though I had my school uniform on I still looked like I was fixing to fight someone. I always put on my own hard exterior even though deep down I’m a sweet person. I kept my head down to keep from an awkward stare. He talked to Davey about how excited he was to start training. I found out that Max was being trained by the main trainer at the school. Davey just started as a trainer last year when I began here. When I was 13 I went to a wrestling school just for fun. It was something I ended up really enjoying. I wasn’t serious about it though until I realized I could actually be successful. At 13 I did both dance and wrestling, but I chose the latter not only because it was more enjoyable, but it became my dream turned reality. Focusing on wrestling was the best decision I made. Once we got to the school I went to the restroom and got dressed in my sweatpants. I tied my hair up and made my way to the main room. All the trainers would get together and set up matches for all the students. There were three people assigned to a trainer with five trainers in total. The females would go against each other and the males will. Sometimes we’ll have intergender matches if we begged for it. All the trainers introduced a new member to their team. The boy from the car’s name was Maxwell Friedman. He clearly looked like the youngest, but he carried himself as if he was older than he actually is. I on the other hand always seemed younger in the way I presented myself. I don’t have the best posture and radiated timid young girl vibes. He scanned everyone and rested his gaze on me. I looked away quickly. Boys never really looked in my direction before, at least I didn’t notice them looking at me. Going to an all girls Catholic school didn’t help the cause. We all gathered around the ring and had matches one by one. I was the fourth match and went up against a girl named Fiona. She was a few inches taller than me and had slightly bigger arms. I could lift half my body weight, but I didn’t do that enough to see major results. I didn’t want big arms, I just wanted to be strong. Davey coached me while her trainer coached her. There was no winners or losers in these matches. It was more to build up our endurance and skill. We all got 10 minutes for each match. After my match it was time for a dinner break. We all sat around to eat and talk. I ended up sitting next to Max. We started to talk since everyone else was scarce. He started talking first. “So, how old are you?” “16,” I nodded. The corners of his lips turned into a smile. “So am I. What month were you born?” “September, you?” “I’m older. March,” he said proudly. I let out a chuckle. He continued talking, “you’re a good wrestler.” I smiled. It was the highest compliment for me. “Thank you. I’m looking forward to seeing your skill.” “I have plenty,” he smirked. I rolled my eyes and laughed. “You’ll see.” And that I did. He wrestled the next time we had class. On Tuesday’s and on Friday’s is a training class with our individual trainers. One Saturday a month the whole school would put on a show for friends and family. When the next Tuesday rolled around I became brave and started a conversation with Max. We decided to ask our trainers if we could have a match together. They agreed and let us do it. We were coached through and found out that we had a lot of chemistry in the ring. Every move I made was natural and didn’t have much thought behind it.

#mjf #mjf fanfic #mjf imagine #aew imagine #aew #wrestling fanfiction

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syms-things-5 · 4 years ago

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CLEAR THE AREA - Chapter Twenty

Previous Chapter here

Warnings: language and the usual angst

Summary: I made it! My first story at an end. Thanks for stopping by and sticking by me over the last few months. I'm strangely quite proud of myself for sticking with this even when I had zero idea of how things were going to go. I have plans for a sequel of sorts and I hope you come back for that (when I get my ass in gear to write it!).

Tags: Thanks to @kelbabyblue @jennmurawski13

Chapter Twenty

The hot shower was a welcome relief when she finally stepped inside. It had been a hell of a long day. Far longer than she could recall and she had battled plenty.

Sarah had been back at work for a week or so and trying her hardest to deflect questions. Audrey had, she realised, kind of figured most things out without having to awkwardly impose the third degree on her pal. She knew everyone in the family knew and while at first she was happy and possibly even a little excited by that knowledge, her enthusiasm soon turned to concern when Sarah informed her that Shanna had been ignoring all of her messages and calls ever since. None of Audrey’s queries beyond that were met with much more than a non-committal shrug. How could Sarah be expected to answer any of Audrey’s questions when she didn’t have any of the answers to her own?

“She’ll come around. She has to.” Audrey said, in her soothing tone that always seemed to work no matter what news she was giving. “She won’t want to lose you. You’ve been friends for years.”

A few people had said variations of the same thing to her lately. That Shanna will come around, that she was just shocked but she’ll eventually understand, and that things will get better. Carly said Shanna had a wicked stubborn streak in her that even she struggled with at times but she also knew she loved Sarah very, very much. It was just a tough time but she’ll learn to understand. It would absolutely be OK, she would bet money on it Sarah wasn’t so sure.

She already knew Shanna was as stubborn as they come - she’d lived with her long enough - so when exactly was she expected to “learn how to understand”? More importantly, why did she even have to? They had been best friends for years but Sarah had betrayed her trust and flat-out lied to her face. Multiple times. “White lies” Scott called them, shrugging them off as though they were a big pile of nothing and just something people do when they need to get out of awkward situations. Sarah wasn’t sure sleeping with her best friend’s brother counted as an “awkward situation” or something that could be casually brushed aside with a sweep of the hand but nevertheless, she appreciated his efforts.

These were the conversations that kept circling around her mind as she stood under the shower head. Normally, she wasn’t one for wasting water but she allowed herself to enjoy it a little more this time. The soapy lather and fragrances of lavender and sandalwood surrounded her senses and was very soothing to her brain.

She barely noticed the fog steaming up the bathroom and focussed on the feel of the hot water cascading over her tired, worn-out body instead. If she died right here, right now, they could say she was probably the most relaxed she had been in months.

“Shall we pick you up from the airport? It’s no trouble.” Jocelyn fussed on the end of the line. There was a loud scraping sound somewhere in the near-background so Sarah figured she was back on the DIY again. That, or she had given the pottery classes another go. Recollections of Shanna laughing herself silly at Jocelyn “doing pot” flooded back into her memory all of a sudden and only served to leave her feeling sad in the pit of her stomach.

“No, Mom, it’s fine. It’ll be late. I’ll just get a cab.” Sarah calmly affirmed, one hand holding the phone to her ear and the other shoving yet more clothes into her suitcase. She’d given up on folding like an adult. “The flight could be delayed so I don’t want you hanging around the airport any longer than necessary.”

“But you’ll have bags, Sarah. Heavy bags and that’s no good. You don’t want to give yourself an injury.”

“Mom, I have one suitcase. Don’t be so over-dramatic.” She eye-rolled.

That was the…fourth lie? Perhaps the fifth since this conversation had started? Who knew. Sarah glanced down at the suitcase on her bed currently lying next to a smaller, overnight suitcase. There was also a backpack and a laptop bag sitting ready by her bedroom door. It was just easier this way. If she had to explain her real intentions, she would never finish packing and her parents would be on the red-eye to Boston.

“OK, well, keep us posted when you leave and when you land and I suppose we can go from there.” Jocelyn sighed. Whatever she had been doing had now stopped and Sarah could imagine the look of concern on her face. She was momentarily consoled by the fact that her Dad would at least see things from her point of view and hopefully Jocelyn would learn to just drop it.

Sarah hung up the phone and went back into the bathroom to finish drying her hair currently wrapped up in a towel. Shanna had shown her a trick with a towel and an old cotton t-shirt some years earlier after she had eventually agreed to stop cutting her hair. “It’s so beautiful and curly but, like, it’s a nice curl? A gentle curl. Honestly, girls would pay so much money every day to have waves like yours.” enthused Shanna at the time. It was a sweet thing to say. Jocelyn had said much the same thing as she was growing up but Sarah always preferred shorter cuts because she couldn’t be bothered to spend time styling it every day. And it would always take time. Too much time.

Her longer hair felt so lifeless and dull by comparison, she thought, except when Audrey would blow-dry it during one of their all-too-rare girls’ afternoons and rub this coconut concoction into her roots so it smelled delicious for days afterwards. Or when Chris would gently comb his fingers through it when he thought she was asleep. She didn’t mind it so much then.

She finished the last brush-through and switched off the dryer, wrapping the cord around the handle ready for it to be packed. A dab of foundation under her eyes and she looked reasonably well-rested now; well enough so as not to draw attention to any stresses or worries. Jocelyn always had a knack for sussing them out and it was frustrating and unwelcome at the best of times. That she was usually right was beside the point.

She mentally ticked off a list of items she made a point of packing; some comfy sweatpants, a couple of books, her particular brand of coffee because her folks now apparently hated the stuff. She located her passport and boarding pass for the tenth time, making sure they were safely zipped in the side pocket of her backpack. She was pretty much done. If it wasn’t for the looming feeling of regret, she would call a cab to take her to the station right that minute.

Looking down at her phone, she decided to call Shanna one last time. It rang a few times before a groggy voice appeared on the end of the line.

“Hey….” Shanna offered, cold but not totally unhappy to hear her, Sarah thought. The last few times she had tried calling Shanna, it would ring for a lot longer. The shortness here was a small step in the right direction.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Sarah asked with some trepidation, trying not to sound overly familiar and casual. She was trying to follow Shanna’s lead with regards to friendly small talk.

“Better. Mom’s been making soup every day. Sick and tired of the stuff to be honest.” Shanna had come down with a small cold and had used it as an opportunity to stay in the relative ease and comfort of her mother’s house. Sarah would much rather have seen her in person before she left but speaking on the phone without one of them, or both of them, ending up in tears was also good.

“Well, at least you’re in the best place. Your Mom always makes me feel better when I’m unwell.” Sarah smiled down the line.

“I’m not unwell, Sarah.” she said, defensively. “It’s just a cold. I’m just tired.”

Sarah feared she’d overstepped the mark. “OK, well, still, it’s good that you’re there. ‘Cos…Lisa would just worry otherwise. Probably.” She was babbling now and she knew it but she couldn’t think of anything to say. Shanna had put up something of a wall between them now and while she was talking to her and not completing freezing her out, it felt different and not altogether pleasant.

“Yeh, that’s true.” Shanna responded after a brief pause. “But you’re a nurse so you would think I would be better in my own home.”

“Nah, I’d just be bringing back all kinds of infectious things.” Sarah joked and was relieved to hear a laugh on the end of the line, a laugh that very quickly turned into a harsh cough. But it had definitely started out as a laugh so she’d take that as a win, too.

“So, have you been really busy?” Shanna asked after she managed to clear her throat.

“Same old. We have a new intern and she’s pretty eager to get stuck in which is great. Audrey is impressed so that should tell you how amazing she is.” Sarah offered. It had in fact been busier than most days but now wasn’t the time to relay the usual information she wouldn’t normally think twice about offering to Shanna when she had asked.

“That’s cool.” Shanna coughed again and cleared her throat. “Have you been working all the time or, um, have you had much of a break?”

“Pretty much all the time, yeh. I did those double shifts I was meant to do last month so I’ve cleared my flexi-time now which is good. I’m back on track.”

“That’s cool.” Shanna said.

“Yeh and I built up some more which is good, too. It’ll come in handy at Christmas perhaps.” Sarah was trying to keep the conversation going as best as she could.

“Cool. Do you just come home and crash, then?”

“Most of the time, yeh.”

“You don’t go out anywhere or anything?”

“Um,” Sarah had a vague idea of what she was getting at. “I don’t really have time to do anything else. I wanted to get my hours back up to a healthy point. You know what O’Brien can be like.”

There was silence on the end of the line. Sarah could hear her shuffle about in what she assumed was her bed. Shanna coughed again, gentler this time, and sighed as she tried to think of what to come back with. She knew she was probably being a little obvious now.

“Well,” Shanna started. “I hope you’re getting through it all OK. Y’know, the work and stuff. I hope you’re doing alright.”

“Thanks. Yeh I’m…I’m alright.” Sarah replied, touched by the slight concern she could hear her speak. “I hope you feel better soon, too. It’s not fun having a cold particularly at this time of the year.”

“I’m sure Mom has been crushing aspirin and vitamins into my food so I’ll be Wonder Woman before you know it.”

Sarah laughed. “Absolutely you will. I’ll, er, let you get back to resting. Are you up to much?”

“No, I’m just watching Netflix.”

“Ah right. That’s cool. Lots of new murder shows from what Audrey tells me.” Sarah nodded. She knew Shanna wasn’t about to launch into a description of what programme she had been binging the last few days so they both vocalised their goodbyes and hung up. It was the first call that had ended on a mutual note and not Shanna making a lame excuse to cut off Sarah’s equally lame attempts at small talk. Again, Sarah took it as a positive.

Sarah looked down at her phone, a photo of them both in their graduation gowns on her home screen. She hadn’t changed it since she’d gotten the upgrade a year earlier and she had no intention of doing so now. It was a nice day, a nice memory. The hangover she suffered for days afterwards was more than worth it.

She was unsure why Shanna had felt the need to ask her what she’d been up to. She had seemed very specific, more so than about anything else they talked about lately. Naturally, Shanna knew Sarah well enough now to know she relied on work whenever she was dealing with something upsetting and difficult so surely it would have been obvious that she had had zero contact with Chris. He probably would have said as much to her in person. Or he would have talked with Scott or Lisa, and Shanna would have eventually found out by default.

The more she thought about it, the more anxious she felt. Knowing how she and Chris had left things, it was almost entirely likely that he hadn’t spoken to Shanna too much. Perhaps he had holed himself up in his apartment like he did following a tiring shoot, trying to sleep and rest and eat whatever carbs he could get his hands on. Maybe the opposite and he’d thrown himself into some training again. Maybe he’d gone back to Los Angeles for work, that he’d finally given in to Matt’s nudges and agreed to accept one of the many lucrative endorsement deals brands would throw his way every so often. Maybe he had been entertaining himself with the boys. Or with someone else. Someone…

No. This had been Sarah’s fault. There was no point trying to find justification for his absence. She had created a rift between a brother and sister where one should not have existed. He should have talked to Shanna but from Shanna’s probing and what little information she could gleam from Scott, evidently that didn’t appear to have taken place. She briefly considered googling his name to see if any news outlets had a scoop before deciding against it. She almost made it to her kitchen before giving in and bringing up a search on her phone. No. Nothing. He’d gone radio-silent as per usual. As she suspected. Normally, it was quite impressive of him to go under the radar with such precision but now it was just inconsiderate. How dare he not make his whereabouts publicly known so Sarah could come up with a half-convenient lie as to why he and Shanna hadn’t seen each other. A comforting lie that could make herself feel better about the mess.

It would have made her feel so much better to know they were getting along again. Selfishly, it would have made it easier for her to leave knowing that they were finding their own way of getting back on track with one another. Sarah could imagine Lisa fretting to Scott and Carly at night, wondering how she could help her two most stubborn children become pals again. Sarah would rather she had been forgotten completely in favour of them piecing their relationship back together, for everyone’s sake. If there was one thing Sarah hated more than drama, it was knowing she was the root cause of the drama. Separating herself from the family now would be preferable than being made increasingly aware of the glaring hole setting up home in their house. A meteoric hole that she had been responsible for. A hole inside a family unit that had gotten through a lot in their forty-plus years together. A wonderful, loving, generous family that had taken Sarah in without question and had accepted her as one of their own just because Shanna had once said she was “pretty cool”.

No, Shanna did not deserve to be frozen out by her brother. Chris didn’t deserve to feel like he couldn’t speak to his baby sister.

Another day passed and Sarah didn’t feel much better. She did, however, feel momentarily relieved by Audrey’s personal admission that she had googled Chris a couple of times as well. Another sip of steaming hot coffee and she further admitted to having set him up on her Google Alerts “just in case”.

“For safety. I’m just looking out for you.” Audrey declared before smirking at her across the table. “I didn’t want you waking up one morning to photos of him draped over some starlet or whoever. And don’t think for one second that I will not come for anyone who dares to speak ill of you online. You are beautiful and kind and funny and sweet and absolutely good enough for him. I swear to God and he can quote me on this. Think of me as your own personal hype-woman.”

“Wow. Thank you. That’s a lot to take in but it’s very kind.” Sarah laughed nervously. “I think.”

“All I ask in return is dibs on designer dresses for the wedding.” Audrey winked at her as she left the staffroom. She didn’t catch neither the eye roll nor the middle finger Sarah proffered in return.

A few moments of quiet passed and Sarah pulled up Scott’s number on her phone.

Sarah 10.45am: Is Shanna feeling any better?

Scott 10.52am: So so. She’s terrible at being an ill person. I don’t know how you manage it xx

Sarah texted a laughing emoji back in response followed by a couple of red hearts. She’d give anything to “manage” an ill Shanna right now.

Scott 11.04am: But how are you??? We miss you Xx

Sarah could feel the tears forming at the back of her eyes. It had been a couple of days since she had last cried but as her departure flight loomed ever closer she was feeling it more and more.

Scott 11.08am: Seriously………

Scott 11.09am: Please come see us soon. Mom is super worried about you and threatening to bring you her tiramisu

Scott 11.11am: don’t worry, I stopped her xx

She bit the inside of her lip a little too hard.

Scott 11.13am: but you owe me one. I had to eat half that thing xx

Chris loved tiramisu, she remembered. Maybe he was responsible for eating the other half.

It was no good. She was going to have to call him soon. Against the promise she’d made to herself about not thinking about him, it only served to keep her worrying about him more and more.

Sarah 11.20am: I know, I’m sorry. Tell her I’ll call her soon, I pormise xx

Sarah 11.21am: *promise

Scott 11.24am: not sure that’ll do much honeybun. You know what she’s like. Love you xx

She texted him a kiss emoji and felt relieved that he didn’t respond again. She pulled up Chris’ number and contemplated sending him a message. How would she even start? A simple “hey” was not going to cut it at this point, nor was a “how are you?”. Time was running out and as Ryan peered his head round the door to check on her, she shoved her phone back in her locker and left to finish off her day.

Sarah 15.58pm: Are you still alive?

She stayed staring at her phone for what felt like an eternity. Just before she resigned in disgust at her pitiful attempt at casual humour, she saw the tell-tale three dots appear at the bottom of her screen. They flickered for some time before stopping then starting again. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was composing some irate response at her pathetic joke or if he was deleting a message in favour of ignoring her altogether. She wasn’t sure which option she would prefer had she had the choice.

No response came through. She pulled a cup from the cupboard and set about making a small pot of coffee for herself. She still had a little time yet before she was due to leave for the airport and she had made plans to clean the place up a little before Shanna returned home, presumably a day or so later when she figured Sarah was safely out of the picture.

She picked up some daffodils and daisies on the way home from the hospital and separated the bunches between the living room, the kitchen and the hallway. She had visited two different grocery stores to find Shanna’s favourite flavour of ice cream and the fridge was stocked with some healthy veggies and yoghurt so she could make her breakfast smoothies in the morning. She also set about steam-mopping the hard floors so the clean, floral smell could spread through the entire apartment. It was a nice welcome home, she thought. She would appreciate it if someone had done the same for her.

Her phone started vibrating in the back pocket of her jeans as she folded the bedding that was fresh out of the dryer. She wasn’t altogether able to name the feeling she experienced at seeing Chris’ name flash on her screen alongside a photo of him smiling like the goof he was. A beautiful, sweet picture taken from Shanna’s birthday party three years previous. There was a time recently when she’d let it ring a little longer than was necessary just to allow herself the chance to stare at it for a few seconds more. But now was not one of those times.

“I genuinely didn’t think you were gonna answer me.” He said, his voice displaying the disbelief he was feeling.

“You would have kept ringing me otherwise.” It wasn’t an accusation as such, and he knew it.

“Yeh, probably. But I would have tried not to.” He said, matter-of-factly. “I’m not great with sussing women out but I figured you didn’t want to talk to me that much.”

She felt sad to hear him say it out loud even though it was true to an extent. He seemed submissive in some way. “Really?” She asked, more beseeching than she had intended.

He paused and she could hear him sigh. “Yeh, I would have. It would have been tough but I’ve thought about it a lot recently and I do have a little pride left, believe it or not.” She heard him straighten up and realised he’d been either lying on his couch or on his bed. “But you messaged me first. I’m kinda surprised to be honest.”

He wouldn’t be as surprised or impressed if she said it was just to check he hadn’t died in his sleep. She decided to keep that little tid-bit to herself.

“You’ve been quiet lately.” She said. “I mean, I thought...I don’t…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t actually know what I meant to be honest. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t haven’t contacted you out of the blue like this.”

“It’s fine. I’m glad you did.” Chris was feeling generous and decided to help her put out the fire. He knew she was panicking a little and no matter what else he was thinking right now, hearing her sound apprehensive wasn’t going to make him feel any better.

“I just wondered how you were doing, I suppose. I’ve been talking to Shan a little bit. Not a lot, not like we’re back to normal or anything but I wanted to check you were OK as well.” She tugged at the end of her sweater sleeve currently stretched between her fingers. “I haven’t really asked you that.”

He thought for a second. How was he feeling? He wasn’t sure he could give her an answer. He didn’t really know and he couldn’t make it sound half-positive even if he did. He had thrown himself into his work a lot more, much to the joy of Matt and some producers who had been trying to get his attention. When he wasn’t working out, he was reading scripts and when he wasn’t reading scripts, he was watching his diet. He had been very quiet on social media to an extent that someone in his PR team had taken to posting a couple of things on his behalf. Just two or three charity posts and something NASA-related to let his fans know he hadn’t completely disappeared. The team had notified him earlier that day that a cute dog video they had posted just 24 hours previous had gone viral and he had received more marriage proposals than usual as a result.

By now, he had learned how to fend off his mother and his brother. To be fair, it wasn’t all that hard to do with Scott. Scott had been understanding enough recently and he had the benefit of knowing when to shut up and let Chris go at his own pace. Pushing him was only going to have the opposite effect. More than once, he found himself wondering if Scott had spoken to Sarah. When he tried to hint around the situation to see if that had in fact been true, Scott had shut him down just as quickly. He didn’t mind that all too much. He appreciated Scott’s discretion and no doubt Sarah needed him just as much as he did.

“I’m alright, Bernette.” He said. “You know, fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yeh. Just fine. Nothing more.” He said. He didn’t much care about sugar-coating things but maybe that was out of a little tiredness and boredom. They were way past protecting each other from the other person’s feelings at this point.

“Anyway,” he shook his head. “What about you? How’s things with O’Brien?”

“Oh y’know. Yeh, fine, I guess.” She replied. “How did you know there was any issue with O’Brien?”

“You gotta love that Audrey.” He chuckled.

O’Brien had come under fire last week for yelling at a couple of interns and one of them, unbeknown to anyone else, happened to be the niece of a local congressman. Rumours were circling but Sarah and in fact most of her team had no time to pay attention to anything going on above their heads. That’s the thing with medical emergencies, you see: they never stop just because somebody’s job is on the line.

“Right.” She said. “What else has she said?”

“Nothing much.” He said. “She said you were worried about me.” There was a smugness that she decided to gloss over. Why was Sarah so surprised they had been talking about her behind her back? Why was she surprised that they had each other’s phone numbers?

“And you didn’t think to get in touch?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”

Sarah chewed her bottom lip. If he could only see her now. He’d get a kick out of it for sure.

“Alright. Fair enough.” She sighed. “You’re OK. Good to know. I’ll let you get on with whatever you’re up to.”

“Is that it? That’s all you wanted to say to me?”

“Apparently Audrey has been filling you in.”

“Oh fucking-” He stopped himself. “You cannot be mad about this, surely. Listen, all she said was that you weren’t sure if I was OK because you thought I hadn’t been in touch with the guys. That’s all. She was doing the very thing you should have done yourself.”

She paused and swallowed. “Right.”

“Come on, Sarah. She thought she was helping. She’s just being a good friend.” He pinched the skin on his forehead between his thumb and forefinger. “And it was like yesterday or whenever. It’s not like we’ve been in touch constantly and talking about you all the time. She hasn’t said anything about how much you’re in love with me or how you can’t sleep for thinking about me.”

“What?!”

“It was a joke.” He deadpanned.

“Oh.” She said.

His heart sank – it wasn’t that much of a joke, he had hoped. He slid his hand down his face in frustration, pinching his nose slightly before leaning back on his sofa and staring up at the ceiling. He held his phone tightly to his ear and waited for her to speak.

“It’s OK.” She finally spoke. “I get it. I shouldn’t have been so distant these past few days. I’m sorry, Chris.”

He certainly wasn’t expecting that apology but he could roll with it. “This isn’t all on you, Sarah. I could have been in touch more, too. With everybody, I guess. I had a couple of meetings I had to prepare for so I think I just took that as an excuse not to be more present.”

“Anything fun?” She asked, taking the opportunity to change the subject.

“Kind of. Nothing massive. It’s an ensemble piece that a director wanted to talk to me about. It actually sounds pretty cool.” He scratched the side of his beard in contemplation. “It’s your cup of tea for sure. You like those murder-mystery-type films, right?”

“Oh yeh! Like Agatha Christie and Poirot? Love them.”

“I thought so. It’s a great script and I get some funny lines for a change. It’s something a little different and Matt keeps telling me that I need to think outside of the Marvel box, so…we’ll see how it goes.” He could feel himself growing a little more enthusiastic at the prospect of doing the movie. He should probably call Matt and tell him the same thing. He sounded like he was having a rough day so a contrite and grateful actor would cheer him up no end.

“Anyway, that’s about it. I’m kinda bored to be honest. Have you eaten yet today?”

She had all but emptied the fridge last night to remove anything that might go off in the next couple of days. Now it was filled with some of Shanna’s favourite things and there wasn’t anything in it that really appealed to her at this moment in time. She hadn’t thought much about food all day to tell the truth. She figured she’d grab a bagel while waiting for her flight.

“Um, no.” She said. “But I’m not that hungry either.”

“You don’t want waffles? With white chocolate? Raspberries?”

She did want that now he mentioned it. “No, I’m good.”

“That’s a lie.”

“It is not a lie.” Even she knew she wasn’t being convincing.

“Everybody wants waffles.” He implored. “It’s God’s way of saying he wants you to be happy. Come on, it’s my treat.”

“I just think…we probably shouldn’t see each other for a while.” She looked down the hall at the packed bags currently leaning against her bedroom door.

“It’s waffles, Sarah. I think I can control myself.”

“Um…”

“That’s good enough for me. See you in twenty.”

He hung up before she could respond. With no opportunity to persuade him otherwise, she stayed put in her kitchen, waiting for waffles.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” She smiled at him openly and saw his shoulders relax. Without prompting, he walked in past her and placed the take-out boxes on the counter. They were the size of pizza boxes and she felt her tummy rumble in anticipation.

“So, I’ve been thinking.” He started as he turned to face her again.

“In the few minutes since we last talked?” She spoke in jest.

“Hush, Bernette.” He eye-rolled. “I’ll have you know, I’ve been thinking very seriously these past few days and I know it’s tough right now but just hear me out, OK? Because I think I know a way to make things a little easier. Maybe if you get some time off from work, get some time away from everything, from Boston perhaps, it could actually make things a little better for the both of us. For everyone. I’ve been trying to think about things in a different way and not in my usual blinkered view or whatever the fuck Scott says I have, and I honestly think I’m seeing things a little clearer now, and…”

He glanced away from her face for only a split second but it was enough for him to visibly shrink a little in his stance before her eyes. Sarah followed his eyeline to the bags currently resting down the hall. The angle of the suitcase was hiding the other bags behind it but if he shifted a mere foot forward, he could possibly get the full picture.

Turning back to look at her, he furrowed his brow in confusion. “What’s going on?”

Sarah visibly swallowed and he knew the answer before she even opened her mouth. He became all too aware of her hands and arms hanging limply at her sides.

“I’m going to see my parents for a few days.”

“A few days? That’s a lot for a few days, Sarah. You normally travel light.”

“I just packed for a little longer ‘cos I wasn’t sure what I was going to-”

Chris didn’t give her time to bend the truth. He turned and walked back into the kitchen. She watched him move to the window before looking down at his feet and shaking his head in frustration. He rubbed a hand solidly over his beard. “You’re leaving.”

“Well, yeh, I’m going to see my parents and the two usually go hand in hand.”

“Oh, fuck off, Sarah.” He spat. “Don’t get smart with me. You’re doing a runner. This looks like a fucking cop-out.”

“No, you’re wrong. It’s not a cop-out and I don’t appreciate that tone either. If I was doing a runner, do you think I would do it in broad daylight and tell everyone what I was doing? I literally just told you where I was going.” She retorted.

She grabbed the last bottle of water from the fridge. She wasn’t particularly thirsty at that moment in time but she knew that he would eventually want it and she didn’t much feel like being accommodating right now especially not to a man who was calling her out in her own home. That he was entirely accurate in his assumptions was, well, irrelevant.

“How long are you really going for?” He asked as he watched her disappear from view and back down the hall to her bedroom.

“I just told you. A few days, maybe a week or so, and then I’ll figure it out from there.”

“Figure what out?”

“Just…” She turned back to face him, waving her hand vaguely in front of her in the vain hope he would suddenly understand everything she was trying to say. Either he did and didn’t want to give her an easy “out” or, most likely, he had zero clue because neither did she. Giving up, her shoulders slumped from their squared-off position just seconds ago when she was trying to give the impression of strength. “It’s just a lot, all of this, and I need some time out.”

He took another couple of small steps towards her before stopping by her bags. Looking down, he could see her intentions as clear as day now but as he looked back into her eyes, he could see her exhaustion ever clearer. They should be on the same side. He shouldn’t be picking on her this way.

“You just said I could do with a break, right?” She shrugged. “So, this is what I’m doing. You should be pleased. You could even say I’m taking your advice if you wanted to.”

“Yeh, but I actually meant taking a break together.” He conceded. “I came here to say I thought we could go to L.A. for a little while. I need to check on a couple of work things and I thought you could come with me. Nothing funny, I promise. Some proper sunshine might be cool, right?”

Sarah was struck by the kind gesture and the glint of hope now showing in his eyes. Despite what they had both said, he clearly hadn’t lost the small possibility that maybe they could try and forge something out of the ruins and, under different circumstances, she might have been tempted.

“Thanks for thinking of me.” She offered, merely giving him a small smile. It didn’t seem like there was much else to say. The bags were packed and now that he could take in his surroundings, it felt a little emptier somehow and like it had all been wiped clean. Except he didn’t feel so clean. He could feel her on him, on his skin and in his head, and he doubted he could remove her as easily as she was clearly hoping she could remove him.

“Do you think you’ll let us know when you come back?” he asked.

She looked passed him and down the hall, focussing on nothing in particular. “Yes, of course I’ll let you guys know. I’m not going forever.”

She tried her best to convince him but she knew it wasn’t going to do much.

“I know that,” he sighed. “but it’ll be weird not seeing you every day. It’ll be sad. I’ll be sad about it.”

He let out a deep breath and shuffled his feet awkwardly as he tried to think of something to say that might drag things out a little more, that might cause her to rethink her plans. It was one of the more frustrating things about her, that she could keep a secret so well. He briefly wondered if he could think of some more frustrating things about her that might help him cope with the current situation but no. Who was he kidding?

“I like this apartment.” He finally offered. “Some good memories.”

“You know that Shanna will still be here, right?” She chuckled.

“But you won’t be.” He said. “And between you and me? You’re kind of my favourite.”

“I won’t tell Scott you just said that.”

“He knows already. I wouldn’t worry about it.” He said. “Hey, do you think I could come and visit you?”

“Um-”

“-Just think about it. You don’t need to answer right now. It’s been ages since I’ve been to Maine and I hear they have amazing seafood.”

Sarah laughed again and regarded him like the small puppy he so obviously was. A small puppy that she realised she had been kicking ever-so-slowly over the past few weeks and it made her feel like shit. As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she knew she was running away and she knew she was a coward.

“I am sorry, Chris. For everything. I can’t really explain it in a way that means anything right now but I just wanted to say it clearly one more time to you in case I hadn’t really said it before.”

Chris held his hand up to stop her from saying anything more. He didn’t need an apology from her. Hearing her apologise only made him feel worse. Of the multiple times she had been caught under his gaze, nothing was quite like the way he was looking at her now.

“Sarah,” he started. “I need you to know that whatever it is you want from me, I’ll never say no.”

“Chris, I-”

“-Honestly, that’s….that’s the only thing I really wanted to say.” He held his hand up again to stop her if she was thinking of interrupting him again. “I’m gonna go and I hope you have a safe trip, OK? Enjoy your waffle. Maybe send me a text or something, let me know you made it there in one piece. If you want to. Maybe we’ll see each other again sooner rather than later.”

She saw his eyes glance behind her and into her bedroom. He turned and glanced once more into the bathroom like he was taking a mental picture of the place which seemed crazy to her until she remembered that he wasn’t strictly talking to Shanna and it was unlikely he’d be back here anytime soon. God, she hoped they’d fix things. She needed to at least believe her leaving would make things a little better for them. Otherwise, what would be the point?

They didn’t say goodbye in the typical sense or any kind of sense, really. She was almost relieved to watch him walk away quietly without looking back and equally as relieved to have made it to the airport without much more fuss.

Like it was said, she was a coward.

Audrey had called her to wish her a safe journey and then spent fifteen minutes complaining about O’Brien and a patient who had taken to calling her “princess”. Sarah was glad of the distraction as she made her way through the airport towards the waiting lounge. It was pretty busy for the time of evening but she was glad to feel invisible once again as she moved through the heavy criss-crossing crowds of people, each with their own issues to deal with. Something about strength in numbers perhaps. A couple more hours and she’d be home again. A couple more hours and Jocelyn could stop texting her messages that made little sense.

Oh God.

Living with her mother again was going to try her patience. Maybe this was the price she had to bear? It wasn’t too late to change her mind, Audrey had said before pleading in a half-joking, half-serious manner that surely, she wasn’t going to leave her to handle the hospital by herself? It was almost like she was expecting never to see Sarah again. A few weeks. That was all it was going to be. Then she’d figure out what to do from there, with a break and some fresh Maine-air to clear the cobwebs. Chris was right about the seafood and the closer she got to her departure time, the more she started looking forward to it. She was sure she was making the right decision.

Chris 19.46pm: Don’t forget about us xx

She was sure she was making the right decision.

It was 100% the right decision.

Right?

#chris evans #chris evans fic #fanfiction #clear the area #sarah bernette #chris fic #chris evans x original female character #evans fic

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jjba-hell · 3 years ago

Text

Revoked

Still late for day 2 but I am enjoying the hell out of these prompts. (Today’s prompt was sci-fi)

Trigger warnings for the death of the ice cream gays but lemme know if I missed anything else.

Summary: a weird mismatched team of busted up aliens and half-blood humans just dealing with some shit.

For the lovely: @lasquadraweek2021

“You should really just transfer to a new body Pros. Humans aren’t supposed to live this long, babe.”

You grumble probably more to yourself than to the man whose forearm you were tinkering in. Well... maybe tinkering wasn’t the word either. He needed another repair and honestly you can’t help but feel like Risotto only offered you the air-mattress in the ship because so many of these psychos have bio-tech they can’t afford to upkeep.

“Sure, I can’t afford a rewire but I can surely afford getting my brain transplanted in a new body.”

“Human bodies are so easy to grow though.” You peer up at him over your magnify glasses with a wriggle of eyebrows. “Fully grown in a quarter rotation? Come on I still have to wait another half rotation to buy a swimsuit let alone grow a body.”

Prosciutto flexed the hand you were working on to spite you but all you did was strap the wrist down and switch off the impulse circuit before getting up and walking toward the exit of the ship where the others were sprawled out in the soft baby blue grass of the planet you were hiding out at.

Melone’s gaze shot from laptop up as you kicked your untied boots from your feet and slid into the grass, barely hearing him as he asked “Any luck with Pros’s arm?”

“I can’t keep mending the same two wires that keep popping off. Its best we find a place that can handle Babyface’s software and get a new one.”

“Still not budging for just replacing the whole thing?” Formaggio asked from somewhere across the clearing.

Like he was one to talk- Akils like him grew back heads and limbs, there wasn’t exactly a need to know anything about biotech.

“Nope. Are all humans this stubborn?”

“I think its the half Megnu in him.” Illuso was the one to chirp in this time.

“That’s still not confirmed.” You sat back on your feet to try and spot your teammates.

“Well he won’t let me analyze.” Melone sighed- continuing to worry away at the clear glass screen that held all his designs.

Melone truly was a bit of a madman to you- he designed the entirety of his body on that simple glass tablet and yet couldn’t finish his face in time before the feds were on him for unethical medical practice- ironic considering he was only putting himself through the strain of fitting his brain into a piece of machinery. What his official titles were in his old field were beyond you.

“Pesci’s not all Scud and he’s not half as stubborn.” You commented and with a soft hum the team fell back into silence.

“Where’s Ris?”

“He’s in bed- that last jump took a toll on him.” Illuso finally rose up from the grass himself heading a bit further away from the clearing, probably wandering after Ghiacchio who was asked to take a lap after he froze off Formaggio’s finger.

You clambered up a few steps to find your captain with the old-fashioned two-way radio in his hand as he lay passed out on couch of the shared living room.

Risotto would rather be caught dead than caught like this so, with intent, you stepped up to take the radio out of his hand. He seemed to gently wake at your fingers prying the piece or equipment from his hand.

“Shit.” He grumbled. “How long-?”

“Ghiacchio’s not even back from his lap- don’t worry. Just head off before they catch you.”

And with a slight groan he rolled up and disappeared down the hallways to his bunk which sounded with an ungraceful “clunk” as he fell into the bed.

Your name got hollered with the slightest tone of desperation from Prosciutto and with that you were back doing your part in the team behind the scene.

“You’re a purebred?” Prosciutto had eventually asked after a few minutes of boredom at watching you weld wires back to the motherboard.

You couldn’t help but laugh. “What am I? A dog?”

He seemed to swallow his words.

“Where do you think I’m from?” You tried to smooth it over.

“Caestea- at least your appearance would have you look like that.”

Another laugh. “I’m from Earth, Pros.”

His eyes widened. “Impossible.”

“Oh yeah. My parents weren’t exactly refugees but they are most certainly not human. Fuck knows what my genetic makeup looks like but thankfully I certainly age like a Caestean. You are all human, huh?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Not that there are many of us left.”

In a sense you felt bad for him. You’d seen photos of Earth long before it started to mimic its brother planet Mars but you rarely thought of how wickedly the planet must have lost its life before intergalactic intervention. Humans were strangely scared and selfish creatures but no one deserved to die because there was no clean water to drink.

You shook off the macabre though before closing up Pros’s arm and putting away the tools. “That should do for now but we really do need to think of a replacement in the near future.”

“Thanks.”

It was a half-assed thank you but it surely caught your attention. Pros was a little too prideful to give just anyone a thanks but nonetheless you returned the sentiment. “No problem.”

Outside the boys were fighting again- or rather Ghiacchio was arguing as Formaggio was pushing his buttons while Pesci grilled a rather obscenely colorful fish over the fire-in-tin.

“Oh just the person we needed to see.”

Getting clasped with two arms over the neck was bad enough but from Sorbet and Gelato, now that was trouble waiting to start.

“Oh gods, what do I have to offer this time.”

“Don’t be so serious!” Sorbet cooed darkly.

“We were just hoping you could help us out with the next target.” His boyfriend added.

If you could just roll your eyes back far enough.

“Wandering off from our captain’s orders doesn’t sound like something I’d want to get myself involved in.”

“Not even for a bionic manufacturer?”

“Or a healing bay, for the ship? Surely you could install those things no problem.”

Honestly it was hard not to fall for the stereotype that all Makzi’s do is play dirty and haggle like merchants but here you were, stuck between them and being tempted into breaking formation with them.

“And what would I have to lose?”

“Nothing much-“

“Maybe some face with Risotto.”

You couldn’t help but scoff. “You want me to convince him?”

“Exactly- he might actually consider something if it came out of your pretty mouth.”

“Or rather, if he could come in it.”

You took one step back and bowed out of the hold between the two of them. “Fucking sleezes. Your shit’s gonna get you killed, mark my words.”

“So its a no?”

“Its a fuck no, Sorbet. Vile comments aside, that shit is expensive, even dent-jobs sell for millions... that kind of money is too big a job for us to handle right now and stealing one even more. Get your heads out of your asses before you come up to me with more dumb shit, next time.”

And with that you slipped back beside Illuso as Pesci was grilling up the third fish for the night. Looking back at what you had said was not untrue. That night you were restless in your bunker above Formaggio- Illuso peering behind the sliding divider across the little hallway that ran between the bed bunks.

“Something on your conscience?”

“No.”

“You sure?” You nearly leapt out of skin as Formaggio’s forehead popped up just below your chin outside your divider. “You’ve turned and kicked like 10 times, babe.”

“Please don’t babe me.” You frown at him but you answered the gnawing feeling by asking. “Where are Sorbet and Gelato?”

“Probably in their bed.” Illuso answered as if there wasn’t a more logical answer.

“Wanna put money on it?” Your eyebrow raised.

“And catch them in the act? Daaamn you’re dirtier than I thought.”

“Come on then, 10 drinks at the next stop they’re not in their bunk.”

“Shit, I can’t miss on that opportunity.” Formaggio’s divider slid open all the way to allow him to plop with bare feet to the double bunks at the end of the hallway.” You and Illuso watched in trepidation as he knelt down and knocked. There was no answer save for Risotto’s stern frown behind the top divider making an appearance. “What do you want?”

“Are Sorbet and Gelato in there?” You piped up first.

The angry frown turned into concern as he slid out of his bunk to replace where Formaggio was. He slid the door open to reveal one big empty bed.

What you’d have given to be wrong. But instead the panic bit you all and soon you were messily slipping on boots and running around the ship to find the missing lovers.

Pesci checked the engine compartments he might have accidentally left open, Pros checked the storage while Risotto was seeing if he could track them on the radar. It was only when you were hoisted onto the roof by Formaggio that the dread set into your bones.

“Tell Ris to switch on the overhead console lights.”

You called back down below you. Part of you wished you didn’t... since all it did was put them on display.

It was a vile thing that made Risotto’s eyes grow darker than they already were and once dawn broke, you and Melone quietly put the bodies into the best makeshift body bags you could manage. The lake a few paces away was where you last saw those body bags.

After you left that pit stop you sat in silence in the communal meeting area, your legs flung over one of the armrests in your seat- staring blankly at the coffee table you’d nipped from a market not too long ago.

“So... what’s the plan?”

You asked at anyone who would listen.

“Do we go on as usual? Find their families?”

“Revenge?”

Your head turned to Prosciutto as he was enjoying one last drag of his cigarette.

“You’re brave.” You huffed a bit of laughter at the thought. The big boss and his cronies- the only real reason none of you strayed from Risotto’s orders was way up on a station so far up the intergalactic alliance ladder that you’d have a better shot at killing the king of Gnomia B908 and getting away with it.

“Why not?” Illuso was the one to back it. “Surely we could track the sick fucks that did it.”

“You’re thinking too simply.” Risotto grumbled over his fist. “They didn’t get themselves killed by accident. This was deliberate- a display not to challenge the higher ups.”

“Any idea what they were planning?” You sat up, propping your elbows onto your knees.

Risotto kindly pulled up their hidden plans- your name encircled in red a few times. They seemed to have had their eye on a biotech printer and medbay that was once used by the Boss himself.

“What’s the relevance of an old medbay?” Pros posed the question to you- Melone was up front with Formaggio.

“Medbays need to keep track of any irregularities in DNA to avoid any incompatibility issues. Its one of the few things that can’t be wiped because its burned into the drive. They were trying to expose the Boss’s identity.”

“And they were planning on risking us all in the process?”

You pointed at a little arrow shooting off your name once more. “They figured I could remove and replace the hard drive before anyone noticed.”

Your throat felt dry as you realized what that meant. Whoever this person was... if they could follow something as irrelevant as a used medbay to keep their tracks clean... chances are you were all, at best, being watched.

The thought must have been shared as Risotto didn’t breathe a word as he moved to the front of the ship and changed course to an unaffiliated vector you know damn well you’d probably be searched and cleansed for.

To no one’s surprise the pristine white towers blinded and no sooner than two seconds of coming into orbit of one of the bigger planets you were requested to land.

You stood beside you captain as the ship docked and you waited with your hands behind your head to greet the haz-mat team. “You must be pretty serious about this if you’re willing to get sit in their prison.”

He gazed down at you and with a deadpan tone simply said: “You’ve escaped, I’m certain you could do it again.”

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #la squadra #jojo part 5 #risotto nero #prosciutto #illuso #formaggio #ghiaccio #whole gang’s here... more or less #lasquadraweek2021

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years ago

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For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 10: The Flower Who Bloomed in April

Sehun’s POV

Once upon a time, in a year I can’t remember, Lei wrote a note for my birthday that claimed, “All flowers bloom in April.” I guess I’m somewhat inclined to agree. That idea breaks through all of my thoughts and colors them a faint pink whenever winter melts into spring and all of nature seems to celebrate us.

I was considering that old note while pulling my car into the driveway of Lei’s house, which was too big for just her and her mother.

“What is this place?” Chanyeol asked, eyes bulging out of their sockets.

Aware that he wouldn’t rest until he received an answer, I said, “It’s Lei’s house,” and braced myself for his predictable (but still annoying) jokes.

Chanyeol almost laughed, and he reached over to ruffle my hair like I was a child. “I should have known that you’d have to visit your little girlfriend!”

The tips of my ears burned as I gnawed on my cheek. I didn’t say anything at first. After the incident at the SM Town concert when I made Lei cry, I decided to just let Chanyeol say whatever he wanted as long as she couldn’t hear. I decided not to waste my energy arguing with him.

I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat. “I told you to drive yourself to your little fling’s house if you didn’t want to make stops.”

Chanyeol watched me grab the small gift box— which I asked Junmyeon to wrap— from the center console. I watched the smirk curl his lips with the realization, “Oh! It’s the princess’s birthday!” He cheered like he cared. “How old is she now?”

When I didn’t dignify him with a response as I forced the box into the pocket of my loose jeans, Chanyeol started to count the years aloud. “Okay, so if you’re turning 23 in two days, that must mean—”

“Eighteen,” I spoke flatly. “Lei is eighteen.”

“Eighteen,” Chanyeol repeated in a low whistle. “That’s crazy! You know, if we were in America, she would officially be an adult now.”

I squirmed in my seat. “Well, we’re not in America,” I reminded him. I told his obnoxious skeptical expression, “And it doesn’t matter how old she is. I’m not holding my breath until she’s an adult because, like I’ve told you a thousand times, we’re just friends.”

I almost said, “We’ll always be just friends,” but it didn’t seem like the right thing to say. Always— never— those words didn’t sound right about Lei except to say that I would always want to be good to her.

“I really don’t understand you.” Chanyeol drummed his fingers on the center console. “Doesn’t it kinda annoy you that there is only one girl who hasn’t been deterred by your resting bitch face—” I narrowed my eyes, and Chanyeol nodded— “yeah, that one!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Doesn’t it bother you that the only girl you’ve never run from— the only girl you’ve ever loved— is too young to be, like, your soulmate or something?”

“No,” I answered honestly, “because I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Probably because I didn’t deny loving Lei, Chanyeol’s jaw dropped. Once I believed that love is just wanting what’s best for someone, it wasn’t hard to admit that I loved Lei. I decided that it would be a shame to allow Chanyeol’s jokes or misunderstandings to pervert something so wholesome.

Although it wasn’t any of his business, I explained, “I’m not here to celebrate Lei’s passage into American adulthood or whatever the hell you’re thinking. Her Mom is still managing Super Junior’s tour abroad, so I promised Donghae that I wouldn’t let her be lonely all day.”

“What, so you’re gonna invite her to tag along with us again?” Almost a decade had passed since I took Lei to the Sanrio store for her tenth birthday, but Chanyeol clung to his grudge against us as if we left him alone in the arcade just yesterday.

I frowned at his childishness. “I doubt that Lei wants to waste her birthday by tagging along on our two-hour drive to your fling’s apartment. I’m just gonna give her a gift—”

“A kiss?” Chanyeol puckered his lips and made disgustingly exaggerated smacking sounds. He laughed while dodging my half-hearted attempt to swat at him.

I didn’t tell Chanyeol that I had gotten Lei a cherry blossom charm because then I would have had to tell him about the charm bracelet I got for her debut, and then he would joke about that too. I wasn’t a sensitive sort of guy— not usually, anyway— but I liked to avoid as many Lei jokes as possible.

I continued, “After I give her the gift, I’ll come right back out. Then I’ll drop you off at what’s-her-name’s place, and—”

“You should stick around,” Chanyeol urged for the thousandth time. “My girl has a friend, and—”

For the thousandth time, I responded, “I’m not interested.”

Chanyeol knew that I was opposed to dating even in the most casual sense of the word, yet he kept encouraging me to meet people who I didn’t want to meet. He kept encouraging me to kiss people I didn’t want to kiss— people who I could probably never develop any real attachment to— people who could probably never develop any real attachment to me. No matter how many times I swore that I wasn’t lonely— and even if I was, shallow physical relationships would fail to fill any void— he didn’t get I didn’t want to open myself up to women who would only ever be strangers.

Maybe I wasn’t opposed to falling in love with somebody who knew me and accepted me, but I was opposed to taking that first step into the unknown. Furthermore, I knew that I wouldn’t find my soulmate— if such a person existed despite my disbelief— through Chanyeol’s hookups.

Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t care that Chanyeol and others tried to fill their voids with people. It’s up to others to behave and experience life as they see fit. It’s not my place to determine whether their relationships are truly fulfilling. It’s just— I knew that kind of thing wasn’t for me. I had never experienced love at first sight, and I doubted very much whether it existed, and it was always clear to me that if I were ever to ‘find love’ — well, love would have to find me because I would never look first, especially not with everyone watching.

“I’m tired,” I said, and it wasn’t technically a lie, “so as soon as I drop you off, I’m going home.”

“Whatever.” Chanyeol shrugged. “If you ask me—”

Figuring that he, like Junmyeon, would try to impress upon me the importance of companionship, I said, “I’m not.”

Chanyeol continued anyway. “This is all a waste of time. I doubt that kid—” he was referring to Lei— “is lonely. I bet that boy with the big head—” he was referring to Lucas— “is in that giant ass mansion with her, eating cake, watching cartoons, or making out on the couch since the Super Junior dudes aren’t around to scare them apart.”

With his words, Chanyeol painted a vivid picture that I couldn’t quite erase from my mind. My stomach turned with my failed efforts, so I reminded myself aloud, “They’re just friends.”

“Believe what you want,” Chanyeol scoffed, “but something is going on. How else is our little princess wrapping him and you and who knows who else around her finger?”

“Just shut up and wait here.” I jumped out of my seat and slammed the door behind me before Chanyeol could say anything else to convince me to punch his face.

He rolled his window down to yell, “Jealousy is not becoming, Sehun!”

For the sake of preserving our friendship, I pretended not to hear him as I climbed the stairs and rang the doorbell. After minutes passed with no response, I figured that Lei had gone out with some friends. Although she claimed Lucas as the only cure for her loneliness, she had surged in popularity among other idols, so she could have been out with anybody. Pushing through my disappointment, I reached for my phone to text her and arrange some other time to meet— probably on my birthday.

Then, before I could press send, her voice beckoned from the other side of the door, “It’s open! Come in!”

She didn’t even ask me to identify myself. What if I was some crazed fan? Because it was her birthday, I suppressed my worry with the reminder that I wasn’t a crazed fan. I wasn’t a stranger. There was no real harm in trusting me.

Still, if she was going to be irresponsible while her Mom and Super Junior were away, I would have to appoint myself as her protector. I would have to drive by to check on her every day until their return; the daily check-in texts would do little to prevent her from inviting strangers into the house.

Nothing in Lei’s tone— except for the giggles, I realize in hindsight— prepared me for what I found behind the door. On the white couch, as if positioned to greet anyone who entered with a scene from nightmares, Lei was pinned under Lucas while SpongeBob played on the widescreen television. I tried to fix my gaze on the scattered cupcake wrappers on the coffee table, but I couldn’t. The scene wouldn’t have been so revolting if a.) Chanyeol hadn’t predicted it, b.) Lucas hadn’t been shirtless, and c.) Lei hadn’t been too busy giving Lucas her brightest smile to notice me, frowning in the doorway.

Maybe it’s best that she didn’t catch me staring at them. Maybe it’s best that she didn’t notice me until I regained my outward composure.

Once I realized that I was witnessing the last thing I ever wanted to see— what I was afraid happened behind closed doors— my heavy gaze crashed somewhere around my feet. In the reflective hardwood floor, I met my own downcast expression. Although I wanted nothing more than to forget how I looked in that moment, I couldn’t turn my head or raise my eyes without confronting the fear— the reality— of seeing Lei so close to, so engrossed with someone who—

Someone who wasn’t me.

My stomach lurched so violently with that thought that I gagged. I rushed to pack that thought, which was too jealous, selfish, embarrassing, and inappropriate to embrace, into a box in a dark corner of my mind where I could never find it again. The problem was that no matter how I tried to avoid that dark corner, I always wandered there with my eyes closed. The thought was strong enough to escape from its box, and it was smart enough to find me, and it was quick enough to chase me, and I was stupid enough to keep running long after it caught me.

I thought that my burning face, which must have been red, could have been cooled by the spring breeze. I thought that I would stop falling— I would stop sinking if I didn’t have to stand in the same room as their laughter. I would have bolted out of the house and away from the spiraling emotions that I never, never expected to experience, but I was paralyzed by Lei’s giggles filling the static air. I was numb with the desire to hear them still, even when I wasn’t the cause. Even when I needed to, I couldn’t walk away.

For a second, I think, my heart stopped. Once it started pounding again, I found the voice to ask, “What’s going on here?” It was lucky that anger— not whatever sadness nagged from that dark corner of my mind— was the primary emotion in my voice. At least, that’s what I told myself.

They stared at me with identical slackjawed, wide-eyed expressions, and I had to roll my eyes because the only alternative was to cry or something. I didn’t cry.

“Hey, Sehun!” Lei turned her smile to me, and I eagerly accepted what I couldn’t return until she hissed, “Get off, Lucas! Don’t you have any idea how bad this looks?”

Was it right to be proud of her for abandoning her laughter for the warning scowl that darkened her features? Was I proud of being the person who, by my voice or presence, forced that distance between her and others— even people like Lucas who I knew were good? Even when I reminded myself that I was just protecting her, I was stiff with guilt. It was my first time feeling that way. I didn’t like it.

“I don’t care how it looks!” Lucas transformed into a little kid when he pouted. He almost looked like Lei used to look. “Just lay still, and let me finish—”

“She said to get off,” I growled at Lucas, knowing that he wasn’t trying to cross inappropriate boundaries. He was completely innocent— almost to the point of stupidity— and I was perverting the situation by assuming the worst.

Lucas didn’t argue with me, though. He didn’t assert himself. He raised his hands in surrender, mouth falling open, and that’s when I saw that he was holding a black marker. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t interrupted any romantic moment. It was all a misunderstanding.

So why didn’t I feel better? Was the thought, the misunderstanding, the imagination that Lei had been close to somebody else terrible enough to ruin the day?

Lucas climbed off of her and stood straight as if to boast the handwriting (which I recognized as Lei’s) sprawled across his chest reading: LEICAS 4 EVA. Leicas— the word fans used to refer to their friendship and alleged romantic attraction. How foolish to make light of such rumors that could damage their reputations.

When Lei stood next to Lucas, I saw not only a tattoo identical to Lucas’s on her stomach, exposed under her white cropped shirt. Bright tattoos marked every inch of skin on her arms, legs, and even on much of her face. On one cheek was a sparkling silver heart drawn around the name Baek, penned by Baekhyun, no doubt. On the other was a larger, sloppier heart drawn around the name Ten. How childish.

As if attracted to the chance to deepen my scowl, Chanyeol barreled through the door. “Sehun, you promised you’d be right back! You said—” He fell silent at the sight of Lei. “What the hell happened to you, Princess?”

A blush broke out across the bridge of her nose as she scratched at the back of her neck. “Minseokie bought temporary tattoo markers and handed them out to all of the party guests so they could give me tattoos for my birthday! Apparently, he saw something in a movie, and—”

I blurted, “What the hell kind of movies is Minseok watching?”

And Chanyeol blurted, “Party guests?”

And Lucas told him, “Everyone’s out by the pool! Lei turns eighteen today!”

Chanyeol turned to me with a sick smirk as he repeated, “Eighteen, huh?”

I would have glared at him had I been able to tear my eyes away from Lei. Even while I glared at every mark on her body, I knew that the rage fuelling my every thought was an overreaction. I knew that I shouldn’t have wanted to scold Minseok for encouraging Baekhyun, Ten, Lucas, and everyone else at the party to make their mark on Lei.

“Come here!” Chanyeol called her toward us, holding his hand out for Lucas to give him the marker.

Because Lei and Lucas were foolish enough to obey, I had to intervene before Chanyeol could join the trend of writing on her. He probably would have written some insult on her skin for everyone to see, so I didn’t feel bad about snatching the marker and stuffing it into my pocket. “She’s a girl, not a piece of paper.”

“Come on, Sehun!” Chanyeol whined at my reaction before another smirk twisted his lips. “You’ll get your turn to mark the birthday girl!”

Lucas’s jaw dropped, and Lei grimaced, and I would have yelled at Chanyeol myself if Lei hadn’t beat me to it.

“Way to make it pervy, Chanyeol!” She rolled her eyes at him as she crossed her arms. When she rounded on her bare heels, deliberately whipping her ponytail, I caught the bright pink lettering on her shoulder reading, quite simply, “Yuta’s.” Something about that made my blood boil.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo’s deep voice preceded him. He stomped into the living room carrying a tray of uncooked meat and pointed his glare at me and Chanyeol. “Who invited you two?”

While I wondered just how many boys lurked around Lei’s house, Chanyeol retorted, “Well, it wasn’t you, Minseok, or Baekhyun!”

Kyungsoo didn’t bat an eyelash at Chanyeol’s harsh tone. Grinning faintly as he met Lei’s eyes, he shrugged. “Nobody ever invites Baekhyun, but he somehow manages to crash every party.”

Although nobody was looking at him, let alone talking to him, Lucas lowered his sunglasses over his eyes and chirped, “I like Baekhyun!”

“Anyway—” Kyungsoo resumed glaring at me and Chanyeol after smiling at Lucas— “I’m not going to allow you two to ruin the perfect pool party that Minseok and I planned for months at Manager Kim’s request!”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed at Kyungsoo. “Well, we didn’t want to come to this stupid party anyway! Come on, Sehun!” He wrapped his hand around my arm and tried to pull me out the door that he left open, but I wouldn’t budge.

Tugging out of Chanyeol’s grip, momentarily forcing myself to pretend that others weren’t watching, I met Lei’s gaze head-on and said, “I didn’t mean to crash your party. I only wanted to tell you happy birthday. I didn’t mean—”

I didn’t mean to slip into a fight, but I didn’t say that.

“I didn’t know—”

When I pulled into the driveway, I didn’t know that I was walking into a situation where I would have to compete with Lucas and Baekhyun and Ten and Minseok and Kyungsoo and Yuta and who knows who else for her attention. Obviously, I didn’t say that either.

Chewing on my tongue, burning under everyone’s stares, I wheezed, “I’m sorry.” That was all I said those days. It never got easier.

Tugging at the ribbon in her hair, Lei said, “It’s okay, Sehun,” even though it wasn’t— even though my apology was incoherent. She tried to bite her smile as she said, “You can stay if you’re not busy.” I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t smile at me if she wanted to.

I would have dropped everything, said anything, done anything to inspire her to give me the smile that always used to be mine, but Chanyeol tried to speak on my behalf again.

Hands on his hips and thoroughly unapologetic, Chanyeol said, “Sorry to break it to ya, Princess, but your Prince Charming promised to drive me across town to meet up with my girl.”

“Your girl?” Kyungsoo and Lucas parroted. Lucas spoke with an open-mouthed grin, and (beneath his sunglasses) hearts probably gathered in his eyes. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo spoke through a tense frown, eyes devoid of everything but sheer annoyance.

For the first time I could remember, Lei was the first to look away. “Hey,” I said so quietly that nobody else in the room noticed. Lei heard, though, and she looked up instantly despite the distance between us. I said, “Don’t worry. I only make cross-town trips for true love.”

Her smile inspired my own even after Chanyeol focused his glare on me. I tossed my keys to him. “Feel free to take my car or call an Uber or something.”

“Are you serious?” He gawked at me when I nodded my head. “You’re staying? Just because she asked you to?”

Meeting Lei’s smile, I reasoned, “It’s her birthday,” but I knew that I would have done anything she asked any day of the year. Maybe that wasn’t how things had always been— or maybe it was— but I decided once and for all that I would be responsible for as many smiles as possible from then on.

As if he heard my silent vow, Chanyeol shook his head before shouting, “Well, I’m not staying!” He slammed the door on his way out.

When Lei winced at the sound, Lucas threw a protective arm around her shoulders. Watching her lean into his embrace, I wondered if she would have been comfortable enough to lean on me if I were the one standing by her side. Knowing that I would never reach out to her first, I tried to comfort her from afar by reminding her that she didn’t have to care about Chanyeol’s outburst.

I didn’t get the chance to say anything. Kyungsoo filled the silence. “If you’re going to stay, Sehun, do me a favor. Grab the other tray off the kitchen counter. And Lei—” his entire face changed— brightened— when he said her name. I wondered if I ever looked that happy when I said it. “Can you grab the cup of sliced watermelon and give it to Mark?”

Stepping out of Lucas’s embrace, Lei winked at Kyungsoo and saluted him. “You got it, Soo!”

Because he was usually opposed to being called anything other than Kyungsoo or D.O., I almost expected him to correct her or at least tell her not to wink at him. He didn’t. Kyungsoo winked back at her. “Lucas, can you come open the back door for me?”

Lucas ran to help Kyungsoo, and I followed Lei as she skipped into the kitchen. She spun behind the counter, grabbed the clear plastic cup containing sliced watermelon, and— after popping a piece into her mouth— caught me staring at her. Eyes widening, she held the cup out to me and offered through her mouthful, “Want one?”

I shook my head, and she shrugged, giggling, “Your loss, Sehun!”

She was set to dash out the back door, but she stopped when I asked, “Why don’t I have a nickname?”

“What?” She blinked at me, smile fading until I grinned at her. With my encouragement, she smiled that genuine smile that deepened her laugh lines and wrinkled her eyes.

“You call Minseok ‘Minseokie,’ Kyungsoo ‘Soo,’ and Baekhyun—” I pointed to the silver heart on her cheek— “‘Baek.’ So why am I just plain old Sehun?”

“I dunno.” She furrowed her brow and looked up at me. “What do you want me to call you?”

I mimicked her tone. “I dunno. I can’t come up with my own nickname, Lei.”

She pointed out, “You don’t call me by any nickname either. Chanyeol calls me ‘kid,’ and ‘princess,’ but you’ve always called me Lei.”

As if she didn’t know, I told her, “Chanyeol calls you those things just to be an asshole.”

She playfully gasped, “Language, Sehun!” She swatted at me and laughed when I cried out in exaggerated pain.

To get our conversation back on track, I said, “Everyone else calls you Lei.”

She said, “Well, you’re not everyone else to me, Sehun,” with such an emphasis on my name that I swear I felt it all at once— every emotion she ever spent on me. To this day, I haven’t stopped feeling it.

Trying to distract myself, I reached for the other tray that Kyungsoo piled high with meat. I tried not to cringe when I confessed, “I’ll always call you Lei because it’s the prettiest name I’ve ever heard.” And while she was busy gawking at me, I took the chance to run away in the futile hope of escaping further embarrassment.

I have always regretted leaving Lei alone in the kitchen because of how nearly impossible it was to get her attention outside where NCT boys seemed to multiply by the second. After dropping the tray off with Kyungsoo, who manned the grill while wearing a novelty apron whose punchline made no sense, I sat back in a lounge chair under an orange umbrella and tried to calm the weird palpitations in my chest.

From that chair, I watched Minseok make his rounds around the pool with a handheld camcorder. A smile grew on his face when we locked eyes, and he almost tackled one of the NCT kids— Taeyong, I think— on his way over to me.

Holding the camera just inches from my face, he asked, “Is there anything you wanna say to the birthday girl?”

I stuttered, “Um— happy birthday— Minseok, what are you doing?”

“I’m immortalizing the best pool party ever!” He whirled around to capture footage of Johnny leaping off of the diving board. “Oh, look!” He whirled around again to record Lei walking out of the house, cup of watermelon in hand. “Here comes the birthday girl!”

Her surprised expression was short-lived. Her free hand waved to the camera as she asked, “Aren’t you hot, Sehun?”

As a matter of fact, even when shielded by the umbrella, I was in danger of sweating to death. Still, I politely shook my head. “I’m fine, birthday girl.”

“You’re supposed to always call me Lei, remember?” Lei teased, and — of course— Minseok cackled as he filmed my resulting blush. “Seriously, Sehun, if you’re hot, you can borrow some swim trunks from Lucas’s room and jump in the pool.”

I repeated, “Lucas’s room?” but Lei didn’t respond, and Minseok didn’t film my stunned reaction because he was too focused on the boy who approached Lei.

“Whatcha doing there, Ten?” She took a cautious step away from him, and he batted his eyelashes as he smiled at her.

“Turn around, Lei,” he bossed. “I wanna give you another tattoo.”

Her bangs fell into her eyes when she shook her head. Cupping her cheek, she replied, “I think you gave me enough of a token to remember this day by, thanks.”

Minseok, Ten, and I snorted.

“I’m being serious this time,” Ten swore, smile melting into an earnest expression that almost anyone would fall for. “Turn around, and I’ll give you a serious tattoo.”

Lei rubbed the base of ner neck and averted her gaze from him. She said nothing until I urged, seeing that curious spark in her eyes, “Go for it.” She and Ten turned to face me, and I promised, “If he draws something stupid, I’ll mark it out.”

Ten brandished a glittering sky blue marker, and Lei turned her back to him with a weary sigh. “If you draw something stupid, Ten, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ten grabbed Lei by the waist to pull her closer. When he glanced over at me and caught my cautionary scowl, he smirked. “You and your boyfriend have me absolutely terrified, Lei. I’ll be a good boy.”

“Boyfriend?” Lei repeated in a gasp. She looked back at Ten, followed his gaze to me, and went pink in the face. “Oh.” A tiny smile played on her lips after she looked away from me. She never reacted that way when people mistook Lucas for her boyfriend. “Get your facts straight, Ten. Sehun is my Guardian Angel. Don’t taint our pure loving friendship with your filthy mind.”

Minseok repeated, “Guardian Angel,” looking to me for a reaction. I shrugged and looked away from him, but my smile spoke for itself.

“Oh, I see.” Ten nodded, still smirking. “How sweet. Anyway, what do you want me to draw?”

Lei shrugged. “You’re the artist, aren’t ya?”

“Well, you didn’t like my last masterpiece.” Ten traced his thumb over his heart on her cheek and laughed when she swatted him away. “So help me out a bit here. What’s your favorite thing in the world?”

Again, Lei shrugged, and Ten turned to me. “Well, what do you think, Guardian Angel? What’s Lei’s favorite thing?”

I didn’t have to glance up to see its faint shape in the sky to know the answer. “The moon.”

“How ‘bout it, Lei?” Ten barely glanced at her smile before penning a small crescent moon on the nape of her neck. After dropping the marker into the pocket of his black swim trunks, he puckered his lips to blow air on the tattoo.

Before I could scold him (and Minseok for filming such promiscuity) Lei rounded on Ten. “That wasn’t a part of the deal, you pervert!”

The flames in her eyes should have scalded him, but Ten didn’t flinch as he hummed, “I dunno what you’re talking about, silly.” He was bold enough to smile at her, and something about that gesture slightly quelled the fire in her eyes. “I was just helping the ink dry!”

Unconvinced, Lei blinked at him, and Ten winked at her before strutting away. Peering into Minseok’s camera, she griped, “The nerve of some boys!” and giggled before walking off, I assumed, to find Mark and give him the cup of sliced watermelon.

I swear, Minseok winked at me before he left in pursuit of the next exciting exchange to immortalize on tape. As I sat back in my chair, trying to come to terms with the fact that I had just watched somebody flirt with Lei out in the open, Lucas crash-landed into the chair nearest to me.

The chair was far away enough that he had to raise his voice to talk to me. “If you’re hot, you can get some swim trunks out of my room.”

“Your room?” I raised an eyebrow at him, but he wasn’t looking at me.

“Yep.” He rested his hands behind his head. “My room has an Avengers poster on the door, so—”

I interrupted to ask, “You have a bedroom in Lei’s house?”

Lucas nodded like it wasn’t a big deal. When I rolled my eyes and started slipping into annoyance, Lucas swore, “My intentions— they’re still friendly.”

Flatly, I told him, “Friends usually don’t move in together as teenagers.” I don’t know how true that is, but I believed it when I said it.

“Then maybe my intentions are — what’s the word? — familial.”

When I didn’t respond except to cross my arms over my chest, Lucas leaned over his seat to whisper— if you can really call it a whisper when he talked so loudly, “There is nobody here that you should be jealous of. We’re all friends, and everyone knows that Lei is totally hot—” I grimaced— “and sure, some of us are dumb enough to try to take a shot with her, but we all know about her dating ban. We all know that she would only make an exception for one person. None of us have been dumb enough to believe even for a second that the exception would be us.”

I started to tell him that I wasn’t jealous of anybody, but the words died in my mouth when I caught him looking at me over his glasses as if to imply that I was the one for whom she would cast aside logic and principles.

Although Lucas hadn’t said so explicitly, I hissed, “You should do a better job of guarding her secrets.”

Leaning back into his seat, he replied, “She doesn’t consider her feelings for you a secret.”

I couldn’t argue because he was right. As if it were all too easy— as if she couldn’t keep the words to herself— as if she didn’t want to leave the words unsaid— she told me, “You’re the handsomest person I’ve ever seen,” and “I haven’t outgrown my crush on you,” and, “I love you,” and she said my name in that way that made my heart swell, and—

I almost think that if somebody loves you the way Lei loved me, you have to surrender to love too. Maybe not at first, maybe not all at once, but eventually all of those years of being loved so completely, so unconditionally— they surrounded me, and maybe I didn’t want them to end.

In that moment when I couldn’t quite admit that I would also make an exception for one person, I could admit that if Lei wanted to love me where the whole world could watch— if she wanted to follow me again— if she wanted to hold my hand in the dark again— if she wanted to lean on my shoulder and trust me with all of her troubles again— if she wanted to take the first step toward me, I would never again try to stop her.

I was distracted from my romantic thoughts by an ear-splitting scream, a loud splash, and Lucas scrambling to sit upright in his chair and yell, “Dude, Johnny, Lei can’t swim!”

I could only shake my head. How stupid to live in a house with a huge pool without learning to swim. Obviously, I set aside my frustration and fascination that Lei had lived through childhood to jump out of my chair. I would have dove into the pool— wearing my jeans with my phone and her gift tucked into the pockets— but I stood still once Lei resurfaced, clinging to Johnny. They laughed so hard that water shot out of their noses.

Once I sat back in my seat and started to catch my breath, I mentally cursed Lei for being so irresponsible. Maybe she could stand to be careless enough to laugh in the face of near-death, but I couldn’t stand to watch it. If I was going to love her— out loud or in that dark corner of my mind— she needed to be more careful for my sake.

As soon as she found her footing in the shallow waters, she struck Johnny’s arm once, twice, three times until— still laughing— he finally released her from his embrace and allowed her to climb out of the water.

Staring down at him from higher ground, she yelled, “You ruined my shirt, Johnny!” And she wasn’t wrong. The white cropped top— now translucent— clung to her body like a second skin.

“Sorry!” Johnny grinned at her, and— again— the rage in her eyes was extinguished. “I didn’t really think about that when I pulled you into the water.” Johnny was polite enough to train his eyes on her face, but I noticed that many of the other boys allowed their eyes to drift lower.

Lei must have noticed too. After sticking her tongue out at Johnny, earning more of his boisterous laughter, she retreated to an abandoned corner by the pool. After ensuring that nobody was watching, she peeled off the white shirt to reveal the top half of her black bathing suit. Somehow, to my disappointment, all of her tattoos remained intact after being submerged in water.

From his place in the center of the pool, where he laid in a pink donut-shaped inner tube, Baekhyun whistled, “Take it off, Lei!”

When all heads turned to her at Baekhyun’s urging, she pressed the soaked shirt flat against her chest and dashed toward me and Lucas. It was kind of funny, charming in a way, that she could be so modest at a pool party where everyone— excluding me, Kyungsoo, and Minseok— was proudly shirtless.

Lucas said, “She’s really something, isn’t she?”

My face burned scarlet with the realization that anybody could have caught me staring at her. Anybody could have misinterpreted my motivations. Before I could say anything to Lucas, Lei was in earshot. I had to swallow my embarrassment.

“Move over, Lucas,” she wheezed, standing over him. When he only grunted in response, she frowned and climbed over one of his legs— which were placed on either side of the chair— to sit between them. She crossed her legs and turned her back to the pool.

“Are you asleep or something?” Lei leaned forward to lift his sunglasses, but Lucas swatted her hand away.

“No,” he answered, “I’m just trying to relax, and—” Lei lifted his sunglasses anyway, and Lucas whined, “back up, dude! You’re dripping pool water all over me!”

“Boohoo,” Lei mocked, poking her bottom lip into a pout. “I just got yanked into the pool by goofball Johnny, and then Baekhyun saw my bathing suit, and—”

“Dude.” Lucas’s calm voice thawed the anxiety etched into Lei’s features. More than ever, it was clear why they were close. “You look great! Calm down a bit.”

Lei raised her eyebrows uncertainly, tracing one of the tattoos on her thigh. “Really? You think I look great?”

Something about that bothered me. Did Lei have no idea that she was beautiful? Did the voices of those bullies from her trainee days still follow her? Had she fallen into the trap of reading online hate comments?

I didn’t know, and I never would have known how to approach the topic. I never would have known how to convince her that she was radiant inside and out. I get that beauty is usually one of those subjective concepts, but, objectively, Lei was beautiful. Anyone could have seen it from her ability to draw everyone’s attention without saying a word.

“Yeah!” Lucas assured her with a smile. “Who knows how many people were checking you out!”

I knew that he was eyeing me behind his reflective lenses, so my eyes darted away from their scene to look up at the sky.

Lei clicked her tongue. “I don’t want people to check me out—”

Before she could finish her complaint and I could feel culpable for my part in making her so neurotic, Kyungsoo tripped toward us, flip-flops slapping against the wet pavement. “I heard a scream and a splash and Baekhyun’s whistle! I would have come to check on you earlier, but the pork— I—” His eyebrows twitched as he took in Lei’s disheveled appearance. “What happened to you?”

Lei seemed reluctant to fuel Kyungsoo’s protective rage. She passed her shirt to Lucas and mumbled, “Wring that out, please.”

I knew that Kyungsoo would stand there, crossing his arms and tapping his foot, until he received an answer, and then lunch would never be finished. Stomach growling, I rose to my feet, grabbed the towel that was draped over the back of my chair, and took a protective stance behind Lei to shield her from curious stares drifting her way from the pool.

Dropping the folded towel onto Lei’s lap, I told Kyungsoo, “Johnny pulled Lei into the deep end of the pool, and—”

“WHAT?” Kyungsoo’s face went white before burning crimson. “But Lei can’t swim!”

Lei forced a smile. “I’m okay, Soo. Johnny kept a hold on me the whole time, and—”

Kyungsoo didn’t seem to hear her. He waddled to the edge of the pool, formed a megaphone around his mouth with his hands, and announced, “Attention, party people!”

In the process of lowering my head in embarrassment, I noticed that Lucas was wringing Lei’s shirt with unnecessary force. Lei was too busy drying her hair with the towel to notice and correct him, so I set to unbuttoning my shirt to offer it to her.

“Do NOT pull people into the pool— especially not the birthday girl! If you do, Minseok will tell you to get out and go home!” Kyungsoo gestured to Minseok, who forced his smile into a threatening glower that probably threatened nobody before Baekhyun yelled, “You don’t scare us!”

Minseok took a step toward Baekhyun, eliciting a scream. I rolled my eyes, and Kyungsoo shook his head before walking back to the grill.

“Lucas!” Lei shrieked and snatched her shirt from him. When she held it against her chest, what once fit perfectly was now two or three sizes too large. “What did you do?”

His only response was, “Oops.”

Lei launched the balled-up shirt at his chest, and her visible disappointment only faded when I, stifling my laughter, dropped my unbuttoned shirt over her shoulders. The sky blue fabric suited her better than me; it made sense that she should keep it, then.

She turned around, looked up at me with wide eyes, and said, “Thank you, Sehun.”

The voice that she spoke to me with was softer than the one she trusted to Ten, Johnny, Minseok, Kyungsoo, and — yes— even Lucas. Something about that made my heart swell.

I nodded to say, “You’re welcome,” because I couldn't string two words together to make a sentence when Lei was looking at me like that.

“Wow, man!” Lucas beamed at me too. “You’re a real hero!”

When Lei turned away from me to laugh at Lucas’s reaction, I crossed my arms over my plain white t-shirt. I guess I was disappointed yet again by her fleeting attention. I just didn’t hold it like I used to.

She frowned at her shirt in Lucas’s hands. “Well, you might as well just throw it away now.”

“Throw it away?” Lucas hugged the shirt against his bare chest. “Just because it doesn’t fit you anymore doesn’t mean it should end up in the trash!”

Lei’s eyebrows shot up at his passionate argument. “What? Do you want it or something?” Lucas nodded his head eagerly, and Lei shrugged before giving him his way. “Whatever. Just don’t hang it up in my closet when it’s your turn to do the laundry.”

“Yay!” Lucas squealed as he flew off of the chair. “Thanks, Lei!”

Smiling, she watched him dash into the house. Then, she took his place in the chair. She pressed her back against the chair, crossed her legs, and draped the towel over them before looking up to see that I was no longer behind her. I was before her. She gasped, raised her hands to shield her eyes from the sun, and the sleeves of my shirt— which were too big for her— slid down her arms.

“Hey, Sehun.” She couldn’t quite smile while squinting her eyes. “Having fun?”

I moved a few steps to the left to block out the sun, and she lowered her hands and laid them flat in her lap.

“I’m having a blast.” Was I being sarcastic? Probably. But I was happy to spend time with her then with few distractions.

“Aren’t you tired of standing?” She tilted her head aside. Patting the space on the chair before her, she suggested, “You can sit with me if you want. Or you can grab that chair over there, and—” She bit on her tongue in surprise when I sat on the edge of her chair at the earliest invitation.

Glancing around at the thriving party, I observed, “You have a lot of friends.” Of course, I knew it, but knowing it in theory was a lot different from seeing it in real life.

“They’re nice.” She smiled, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. It reminded me of the void in her chest that she tried to fill with Lucas. It reminded me of the secret that, at least in Donghae’s mind, threatened to clear out this gathering of flirtatious well-wishers.

Suddenly, she sat up straight and motioned for me to move closer. “Come here, I have to tell you a secret.”

Forgetting for a moment that I didn’t want to learn another secret for the rest of my life, I obeyed her. She whispered, “I think they like me because a.) I have a pool, and b.) no matter how much they flirt, I’ll never give in. You know, some people are into that— chasing somebody they can never catch.”

She was flirting with me, I realized, when she winked to mask the blush staining her face.

I tried to flirt back. “Are you into that?”

When she sighed, dropped our eye contact, and forced another smile, I realized that she did not yet know that she caught me. It was still the beginning of reimagining her. It was the beginning of the heart-fluttering moments. I didn’t know where the road into the unknown would lead, but I saw no option other than to follow it— to follow her.

She said, “I was raised to never chase after boys. I’ve only ever followed one—” she nudged me— “and I promised not to do that anymore.”

Even without her pointed touch, I would have known that she was talking about me. Despite the deflation in my chest, I praised her. “Good. Don’t follow anybody. Continue on your path, and if somebody wants to walk with you for a while—”

When she poked my cheek, I realized that I was frowning. Her frown mirrored mine. “Don’t look like that, Sehun. It hurts my feelings.”

For her, I forced a smile, and she laughed an airy sort of laugh. “I dunno why you’re so sentimental today, but—” her eyes widened— “oh.”

“Oh?” My forehead wrinkled. “Oh what?” My heart raced with the fear that she was seeing me clearly.

“We’re on the same path right now.” She smiled, and my heart raced with the hope that she was seeing me clearly.

“We’ve always walked together,” I told her. “It’s just—”

Seeing that I had gone stiff with anxiety, she said, “It’s okay, Sehun. I understand.”

I couldn’t quite believe that she understood, but because I didn’t know the words to explain my feelings, I didn’t say anything.

“It’s probably not going to last.” She didn’t frown, and I couldn't understand how she could smile while saying, “It— we— I know that we won’t be in the same place at the same time forever, but I’m so happy that you’re here now.”

She was crushing me under the weight of an unfamiliar sadness, but I promised, “I’m happy too,” and it wasn’t a lie.

Still smiling, she said, “You can walk with me anytime, Sehun.”

I can’t explain why remembering that makes me want to cry. She was saying something kind— loving— but her words felt so much like a goodbye. Maybe they were a goodbye to days that were already past— the days when she followed my shadow. It felt so much like she would fade or fly away or find another path or another companion if I took the time to blink.

Fear prompted me to grab her hand as if that touch would keep her within arms reach, within eyesight, with me. Her eyes were rounded and filled with every shining star, and I— I had to look away. I had to play off the act of pure affection by digging the tattoo marker out of my pocket.

“I thought you were opposed to marking me like I’m a piece of paper,” she teased.

Probably blushing, I scoffed. “It’s different when I do it.”

She asked her favorite question: “Why?”

“Because I love you,” I almost said, “and I have to show it somehow.”

Instead, I shrugged, closed my eyes, and tried to think of a drawing that would compete with— no, triumph over all of the others on her body. Ideas didn’t come easily. I didn’t watch dramas or read romance novels or even listen to romantic music that much (or at all), so I had to card through my memories until I remembered a craft I did on Valentine’s Day in the third grade.

Then, we dipped our thumb in red paint and pressed it twice to a piece of paper to make a heart to give to our parents. The idea was profound enough, I guess, since it relied on the concept that like no two fingerprints are identical, no two loves are identical.

Bearing that in mind, I coated my thumb with the marker’s black ink and softly pressed a heart into the skin on the back of Lei’s hand.

I watched her smile at the symbol. Just because I was curious to see whether she would react to me the way she reacted to Ten, I raised her hand to my lips and blew on the heart. She didn’t swat at me, glare at me, flinch away, or say anything. She just watched me.

Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe she would make any exception for me. That probably wasn’t wise or safe, so why did her lapse in judgment make me so happy?

“Okay,” she hummed. She snatched the marker before taking my hand in hers. “Your turn!”

Within the blink of an eye, she had placed her heart on my hand. I wanted to carry it everywhere with me. I wanted to boast it to everybody, but I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know who to tell. I didn’t know what to say to make them understand how much it meant to me.

Something about the electricity in Lei’s touch— something about the thought that the heart would fade from sight— sent me springing to my feet with the blurted excuse, “I’m not feeling well.”

It wasn’t a lie. Suddenly, my heart was pounding in my chest, ringing in my ears, and my stomach was knotting and rising and sinking, and my palms were sweating, and there was a lump in my throat, and I was sick. I fished the gift box containing the cherry blossom charm for the bracelet that she still wore— that I hoped she would always wear— out of my pocket. Careful not to allow our skin to touch, almost afraid of the shock, I left it in her palm.

I ran into the house, regretting that I sent Chanyeol away with my keys until I found him sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table.

Through a mouthful of blue icing, Chanyeol asked, “Are you done now?” He glanced over at me and sat upright. “Hey, are you alright? Your face is a little green.”

I shook my head. “I’m sick. I’m going home.”

“Okay. Let’s go, then.” He snatched my keys off the table and stood from the couch. “I was gonna leave, but I don’t know how to drive a stick shift, and—” When I reached out for the keys, he offered, “I’ll drive if you don’t feel good.”

I assured him that I was fine before beelining to the car, keys in hand.

Chanyeol was quiet until I raised my hand to the steering wheel. The moment he saw the heart, he broke into brain-rattling, side-splitting laughter. “Wow.” He wiped amused tears from the corners of his eyes. “I remember doing that craft in, like, first grade. Your girlfriend is real creative.”

Something in my stomach fluttered, and I don’t think I liked it. Tightening my grip on the wheel, I instantly retorted, “It was my idea.” I should have said, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Chanyeol noticed my mistake. “Oh,” he nodded his head sagely, “so she is your girlfriend!”

My face flushed, and my heart pounded again, and all I could think to say was, “Shut up, Chanyeol.”

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the-enamorando-deity · 5 years ago

Note

Will you please write a Nat x Reader from the song Friends Don’t by Maddie and Tae?

aw this one was so cute, hope it’s okay! i tried to make a universe where i could make things go how my brain wanted, and this was what I came up with. enjoy jooce!

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Friends Don’t

They don't cancel other plans

Have conversations with nothing but their eyes

Coffee was simple. Sure you could fluff it up, give it different names, adding a bunch of random ingredients to change the flavour. You weren’t a fan of it, until you went to get something for your boss and you saw her.

They don't hear each other's names and forget to concentrate

Hits a nerve and lights you up like dynamite

She was slinging coffee to the morning lineup of assholes, barely paying attention to their whining or attempts at conversation. You made it to the front of the line and stammered out the order your boss made you repeat a hundred times.

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

The vacant look that she’d grown to possess turned to a grin. ‘Finally,’ Nat groaned, starting to pull levers and flip switches, ‘I’m on my break in five minutes, meet me at the booth. And your drink is $2.75.’

‘Three bucks? Last week it was $2.50,’ you queried, watching her lips curl into a smile.

‘The extra is because I’m so damn cute.’

They just felt like saying "hi"

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

You had been going there for only a few days when you started talking, growing close within few spoken words. When you ran into her at the party of a mutual friend, you managed to get even closer.

Finding reasons not to leave

Trying to hide the chemistry

That was two years ago now, and she was the best friend you’d known in your whole life. The parties you attended together sometimes only stayed afloat because of the shenanigans you two caused, and the idiocy you encouraged everyone to join in on.

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

Get a little too close

Each time, your eyes lingered a little too long on hers, feeling your heart race when her fingers brushed over yours. You both often got a little too drunk, words slurring, almost falling asleep on each other, unable to contain your smiles as you dragged each other across the dance floors, down streets, up stairs to each other’s apartments.

We do, but friends don't

They don't almost say "I love you"

Your heart warmed at the mere mention of her name, and your friendship made you feel human in a world you were never sure about.

When they're downtown somewhere, just a little drunk

They don't talk about the future and put each other in it

More than a few times, you discussed your futures, always finding ways to entangle the other into it. Whether it be as a roommate, or just having a room for them to stay over. You sometimes hesitated before saying more, other times you just fell asleep as Natasha offered her own brazen plans, often brighter and more fun than anything you’d thought of.

And get chills with every accidental touch

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

You would wake up in her bed, innocently taken there so you didn’t have to ride home alone in the dark and untrustworthy streets, but somewhere safe you considered your second home.

Couldn't even tell you why

They just felt like saying "hi"

There was always an excuse, a remark, something that made one of you leave, even though neither of you wanted to. It played it’s way into your heart, drumming and pulling you deep beyond thought. It was all emotion, nothing more.

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

Finding reasons not to leave

One night was different, she’d broken up with her latest boyfriend and asked you to come console her. You hated it when she asked that, knowing that she would try and kiss you again or just cry into your lap. You refused to take advantage of her in such a state, you couldn’t bear to hurt her like that.

Trying to hide the chemistry

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

And yet, you went every time. You knew the drill, ice cream and alcohol, whatever movies you’d seen a million times and didn’t need to pay attention to, just to be there to hold, no matter how much it killed you.

Get a little too close

We do, but friends don't

The lights were always down when you entered, Natasha trying to hide as much shame as she could after fooling herself with another man undeserving of her. This guy only lasted two weeks and she’d felt the need for you to be there, so he’d gotten to her just like the others.

I keep telling myself this might be nothing

But one look in your eyes and, God, there's something

The lights were dim, as usual, but this time there were candles all around, your favourite ones from the shitty little store around the corner. It was a gift you bought her whenever she was upset, one under your arm even then, the only thing you could think of to do.

You can lie to me and say you don't

But I know you do, and I love you too

Every candle you had bought her was spread around the apartment, your favourite trashy movie already on the screen, and Natasha sitting there waiting, no tears or fake smiles, but a slight concerning wave.

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

You put your keys back in your bag and sat everything on the counter, hoping she wouldn’t jump you again. She was terrifyingly strong, but even drunk, you were able to avoid her advancements.

They just felt like saying "hi"

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

‘Hi, Y/N, do you wanna bring the bottle over? I already have glasses,’ she held them up, looking giddy and awkward as anything.

Finding reasons not to leave

Trying to hide the chemistry

You panicked and scanned the room, thinking someone was waiting to attack you. In the short time you had known Nat, every one of your unreasonable fears had come true.

Her being scared and rigid now reminded you of the last time, when one of her exes had broken in and waited to attack you both, Natasha trying to awkwardly signal you to leave. But that was then, and this was different.

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

Get a little too close

You gave the room another quick once over, determining that nothing physical had happened, so it was all emotional. ‘Nat, what’s going on?’

She stood up and set the glasses down, taking the bottle from you and grabbing your face, softly pulling your lips to meet hers. You didn’t know what to do, caught up in the scent of the candles and the taste of her lipgloss, and the lack of alcohol or usual bad decision signs.

We do, but friends don't

Uh uh uh

Friends don’t

Natasha pulled away. ‘All this time, I only wanted you. Do you want me too?’

@marvelfansince08love @mymarvelwomen @imnotasuperhero

#songfic #request complete #asks #not anon #nat x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #marvel #black widow #ooeoooooo #fanfiction

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iwantthedean · 5 years ago

Text

Have You Ever Thought ...

Summary: During a night out with Jared, you entertain an idea you’ve never thought of before. Pairing: Jared x Reader Word Count: 1510 Warnings: Drinking. The usual cliche fluff you might expect from me :) Square Filled: Friends to Lovers for @spngenrebingo A/N: I didn’t realize until after I posted my last fic that I hadn’t tagged anyone -- that’s my bad!

Saturdays were your day to get your life together. You cleaned up your apartment from the mess that had gotten a little out of control, finished the tasks you had started but not finished over the last five days, you did laundry, sometimes caught up with friends … it was just your day to wrap up loose ends. It had been this way since your last break up — you took a few days to cry it out, then decided you weren’t going to let your life fall apart. Routine was what you needed and Saturday get-it-together tasks were part of that routine.

Between the vacuum and the music you had blaring to get you through your household chores, you didn’t hear anyone knocking on the door. You didn’t hear anyone turning the lock or announcing their presence in your apartment.

Which is probably why when you turned off the vacuum and went to the kitchen for a glass of water, you screamed at the top of your lungs. The tall man setting drinks on the counter couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh, Y/N, I’m so sorry,” Jared chuckled, “I knew you didn’t hear me knock probably because of the bathroom, but I figured you heard me over the vacuum.”

“Alexa, stop the music,” you commanded the device, a hand at your throat while you tried to catch your breath. “That better be an iced coffee from Dunkin, and they better both be for me after you scared the crap out of me.”

He was still smiling. “I had intended to drink one, but you’re right, maybe I do owe you the extra one.”

You pushed a straw into one of the drinks and rolled your eyes as you leaned back against the counter. The unexpected iced coffee cooled your nerves and you decided it wasn’t so bad that Jared had shown up after all.

“So, what are you doing here, creeper?” Ashley asked, nudging his leg with her toe.

He set his own drink on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “Came to see if you were still doing get-it-together Saturday.”

“You know I am, Jar. I’m not looking for dates and I’m perfectly happy to spend my Saturdays being productive, sleeping in Sunday morning, and just relaxing before the week starts again.” You shrugged. You weren’t too worried about it; you were okay being single.

“Fair enough. Want me to hang out? Need any handyman tasks done?”

“Mmm, well, I could do it if you don’t want to, but I have a couple light bulbs up high that need changed out, if you’re in a helping mood.”

Jared sipped on his iced coffee again, nodding. “Yeah, sure, no problem. Bulbs still in the same place?”

“Yep! The bathroom ceiling light and one bulb in the bedroom fan.”

He left his drink on the counter. You finished yours off before dumping the ice in the sink, tossing the cup away, and going back to your loose ends.

After another hour, you were done with your list. Jared had changed out those bulbs, unloaded the dishwasher, and snaked your shower drain.

“Now I owe you,” you sighed, falling back on the couch. “Wanna go out for drinks tonight?”

Jared shrugged. “Sure. We could grab a bite first, if you want.”

“There’s a frozen pizza in the freezer.”

“Perfect! I’ll get that going while you get cleaned up.”

You thanked him with a quick kiss on the cheek before gathering a couple of clean towels and heading for the shower. Music started from the Alexa again, and you sang along, uninhibited, while you washed up.

Since it was just drinks with a friend, you put on a cute top and jeans, dropped some sandals next to the door to slip into before you left. Your hair had dried in nice, beachy waves — for once — and you put on the bare minimum of makeup.

“Ah, that pizza smells so good!” you raved, picking up two pieces from the pan and dropping them on paper plate. You filled a glass with water and took a seat at the table with Jared.

While the two of you ate, you discussed which bar you wanted to go to. You wanted to be able to talk, and Jared wanted to hear good music. There was a couple of places that fit those requirement, so the two of you picked the closer of the two.

“So, how much longer are you going to avoid dating?” Jared asked during the drive.

“Jared …”

He waved off your protest. “C’mon, Y/N/N. You’re beautiful, you’re driven, you’re smart, you’re funny — you check off everything on the list. You’re just going to isolate yourself for the rest of eternity? He isn’t worth that.”

“I am not isolating myself,” you scoffed. “I’m just not looking at the moment. If someone comes along, then sure, I’ll give it a shot. But like I said, I’m okay by myself. Maybe I’ll meet someone at the bar tonight, you never know.”

Jared sighed in frustration, but smiled. “Okay, sure. I guess I can buy that. For now.”

You chuckled and turned up the music. As you started singing along, Jared eventually chimed in. He was smiling big enough for his dimples to show, even while he sang, and you had to stop yourself from leaning over the console to kiss him.

Wait. What.

That wasn’t a thought you’d had about Jared before. The two of you were friends — yeah, he was a handsome man. You weren’t stupid, you weren’t blind. You could see that Jared was a catch. The friendship had really never been like that, though.

Until now.

You ordered your mind to shut its mouth and thought about anything and everything else. Once at the bar, in an effort to clear your mind and reset your perspective, you walked far enough away from Jared to fit two more people between you. He gave you a hard time about it, but you only joked that he smelled bad. Lame, but it was the best you could do with these new thoughts rambling through your brain.

There was an open table on the patio and the weather was gorgeous, so you and Jared snagged up a couple of the chairs before anyone else could claim the table. He got up to get your drinks from the bar; the eyes of the other women in the place following him back inside didn’t escape your notice.

Had Jared ever thought about you like this? He had said some pretty nice things about you in the car. But, he was your friend. Didn’t he have to say those things, though, as your friend? Maybe. Maybe not.

Three drinks in and ready to tell the other women in the place to stop checking Jared out, you still hadn’t figured out where you were going to land on the matter. Jared returned with a fourth round, and you blurted out your question.

“Do you ever think about us?”

Jared set the drinks carefully on the table. “Us? What do you mean?”

“Us,” you repeated, motioning between the two of you. “You think I’m beautiful and smart and driven and all of that … did you say that because I’m your beautiful, smart, driven friend, or because you see these things and it makes you think maybe you want more with me?”

Jared mouth gaped a little and he stared at you without blinking for what your intoxicated mind processed was too long of a time for your question to be something that wasn’t going to ruin your entire friendship.

“Or did I just ruin everything?” you asked, quietly.

“No, you didn’t ruin anything,” Jared assured immediately, “I … I don’t know. I do truly believe those things about you, Y/N, but I’ve never … until now.”

“Same. Well, tonight. In the car, you were singing and smiling and I had this completely sober thought that I wanted to lean over and kiss you and I’ve been trying to figure out since then what in the world is happening in my mind.”

Jared licked his lips and tucked his hair behind his ears. He cleared his throat scooted his chair close to yours. With a soft hand under your chin, Jared hesitantly pressed his lips softly to yours. His eyes were closed, but you almost couldn’t believe what was happening if you didn’t see it. When Jared pulled back, hand still under your chin, your eyes were wide open with shock.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I thought that maybe if we tried that kiss, it might give us some answers.”

“Did it give you answers?”

Jared nodded. “You?”

Slowly, you nodded. One end of your mouth tugged up with the hint of a smile, and you pressed your forehead to his.

“What if we change our minds when we’re sober?”

He leaned forward. “Then we’ll deal with it.”

Again, you nodded. Words were unmanageable, and you were too eager to have Jared’s lips on yours once more.

The Whole Shebang: @illisea @ashleymalfoy @busybee612 @mrswhozeewhatsis @sherlock44 @ravenesque @feelmyroarrrr @atc74 @theplaidshirtmadness @blacktithe7 @moonlessnight14 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @smoothdogsgirl @melbrandes @xtina2191 @spnbaby-67 @emoryhemsworth @goldenolaf25 @gabriels-trix @applesugar88 @rainflowermoon @deansgirl215 @thisismysecrethappyplace @calaofnoldor @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @sleepylunarwolf @chances-and-miracles @sandlee44 @foxyjwls007 @cpag7 @deanwanddamons

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sweet-little-bird-fanfic · 5 years ago

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YOUNG K - Pure Desire

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link.

Summary: A young writer that’s struggling with her work until she crosses paths with an intense and fated new type of inspiration; An inspiration called: YOUNG K!

Genre: Fanfic; Romance; Not as smutty as the precious chapters but still hot (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Warnings: Swearing?

Chapter 8 – Burning Feelings

Young K

“Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?” I thought to myself the whole day whilst trying to stop thinking about her, it was like I was intoxicated and drowning in her. Her lips, her gentle caresses, her touch… I wished she was touching me, I missed her and I wished she was next to me. But she wasn’t. I was at work and I should be focusing on the tracks for the next album, instead of thinking about how precious and burning hot she looked like when she was sucking me off. Exactly, I should definitely be absorbed in work and not be thinking about hot showers or the fact that I almost said I loved her. “What the F-U-C-K. Get a grip.” Yes, I decided to ignore that last subject and disguised it with all the lusty excuses I could find. That was something that wasn’t hard to do since I had a lot of those on my disposable.

Usually, the studio was really loud and there was a lot of movement, but not today. Today, I was alone with my thoughts while Sungjin and Wonpil went to help some trainees, Jae was busy recording some crazy video of his and Dowoon was practising non-stop.

I looked down at my notebook and all I saw was a blank paper filled with distraction and unproductivity. As I leaned my head back on the chair, I felt my back cracking and stretching to the right place whilst my stomach decided to become louder than my tangled thoughts for once. I looked at my phone to check the time and I decided it was late enough to call it a day.

In one of our million exchanged text messages, Violet had mentioned a food stand near the JYP building that she was addicted to, she told me she would go there every time when she had to meet her brothers near their working hours. “Waiting for them to finish work with an empty stomach is torture! Plus, that lady cooks tteokbokki like no one else! She’s the best”, since she texted me that I’ve been curious to check it. And what a better way to stop thinking about her, other than going somewhere she loves? Great idea. So, I gathered my things and went to meet Dowoon before leaving.

When I opened the door of the practice room, I saw our cutie maknae sweating and lost in his beats.

- Hey there, are you hungry? – I asked him looking for some company to share a meal.

- Oh, I’ve just eaten a snack. I’m really feeling it, right now! – Dowoon said as he jumped around on his seat and made some sweat drops fly around from his hair.

- Alright! You keep it up. I’m going to head out and get something to eat. When the others get done, go home with them. I’m going to walk around for a bit.

Dowoon nodded and gave me a kind smile as if he understood I needed some alone time before I left the room. The point wasn’t that I needed to relax and be alone, I desperately wanted some alone time, yes, but with Violet. But that was not going to happen.

I faced the chilly weather and wondered down the busy street of the city. It was filled with delicious warm fragrances which were provoking my stomach and making me drool. To console myself and to stop the torture, I stopped at the “precious food stand” she adored so much to eat some tteokbokki. The lady served me a very generous portion, probably even too generous, she was really nice indeed, just like Violet had previously described. Her kind smile warmed my heart as it made me feel somehow closer to Violet. When I paid for the food, I told the lady she could keep the change. It was only fair since she had served me way too much food.

With the tteokbokki as my consolation, I continued with my lonely walk. Luckily, the streets were busy enough for me to not be noticed, which made me be just one more guy wearing a black hoodie in the crowd. My mind was now beginning to be clearer since I wasn’t starving anymore.

As I faced the cold breeze with the warmth of my meal burning up my lips with its sweet spiciness, suddenly I saw some perfect bouncy curls passing by, not too far from me, walking in the opposite direction where I was going. My heart skipped and I stopped breathing from the expectance of seeing her right when I was craving for her presence so much, but when I turned around, I couldn’t see her anymore. Perhaps, I was merely hallucinating from the lack of her attention which was not lacking at anyway. She didn’t lack anything and even though she wasn’t perfect, together we were clearly my kind of perfect and that thought alone made my feelings impatient and greedy.

There I was, eating and walking down a busy street, surrounded by people I didn’t even bother to look at, with only a single thought in my mind: Violet. And with that revealing confection, I stopped lying to myself and let my hopes and courage be fuelled with my true desires and passion. “I think I like her a lot.” I concluded and let the nervous excitement invade me as it burned me, wet me and made me stumble. “Wet? Wait what?” When I looked forward, I realized I was burning and wet because someone, who didn’t even bother to apologize, had spilt their coffee on me.

Great.

- Look where you’re going. – The rude man said as he vanished in the crowd.

For my luck and out of reflex, I was able to avoid the coffee to damage my jeans. After taking some deep breaths and trying to contain my anger, I looked around to find a store so I could change my wet hoodie. That was certainly an easy task, it took me less than thirty seconds to find a clothes store and I thanked God for that since it was so chilly outside, it wasn’t comfortable to walk around like that. As I stepped in the store, I regretted it immediately, the environment was so warm and cozy, going back outside would be a big challenge… or at least that’s what I thought.

I could’ve picked anything without thinking too much, but then I saw a light blue hoodie that reminded me of her room. So, of course, that was the one I went for, plus it would definitely look great on her and I was also definitely buying it for me, just for me.

After paying for it, I asked one member of the staff if I could use the fitting room to change into the clean hoodie and thankfully she was really discreet about my presence. I put my wet hoodie in the paper bag of the new one and started heading outside, as my phone vibrated. When I lit up the screen everything disappeared around me and all I could do was smile and try to contain the butterflies that had invaded my stomach. It was Violet.

I smiled at the image that had popped up in my mind, as I imagined how cute she must have looked while eating street food in this cold weather. Then, suddenly, all I could feel was the loud thudding of my heart when I took a second look at the picture she had sent me, and I realized she was at the food stand I was at earlier. Without thinking much and ignoring the fact that we had only texted and never even called each other, I started running to that direction and hit the call button with no hesitation. The wind had become colder as I moved faster than previously on that early night, but for some reason, it had become easier to face it with the sound of the telephone line guiding my hopes and needs. However, that hope was nothing compared to when those long sounds were interrupted, and she picked up my call:

- Do not move! – I said between breaths without breaking my pace.

- Oh, no! Is this an assault? – She laughed on the other side of the line.

- Are you still near the food stand? – I almost screamed as my excitement took the best of me.

- Yes! Going for a second here, Sir. – She says between giggles before noticing my heavy breaths – Young K?

I sped up a little and tried to sound normal on the phone, the food stand was right at the corner of the main street. I was nearly there.

- Are you running, or something? Are you okay? – Violet asks with her month audibly filled with food.

- I was. And yes, everything is okay. – I whispered hiding my face in the hood as I finally reached her and hugged her from behind to feel her holding her breath from the fright – I just missed you all day, that’s all.

Violet stood there rigid in my embrace for a few seconds before relaxing and trying to turn around so she could face me. When she looked me in the eyes, what I saw was a mixture of confusion and comfort. She was more than happy and also relieved to see me standing in front of her. God. How cute she looked as she tried to chew her food in the most delicate way she could, I guessed that she put too much inside her month since no one was watching her before. But I would never complain, I loved it. She was adorable most of the time and then in the next second, she would be so daring. And yet, “always so thoughtful” I caught myself thinking as I noticed she was looking around the crowd to make sure no one had seen me and that I wasn’t in trouble.

- God. I want to kiss you. – I started to murmur whilst my hands travelled down her soft cheeks and teased her jawlines.

- Right n-now? – Violet stuttered as the panic in her voice made me wake up from my trance.

We were surrounded by people that would not be a good idea at all, even though my whole body and will were saying the exact opposite. I stared at her reddened nose from the cold and examined the shade of her cheeks, hopefully, that shy colour wasn’t provoked by the weather but my presence.

- You’re right. – I admitted, backing off slightly and increasing the space between us, to see her tender lips part in defeat as she stared at mine.

- But I want to… I just fear for you… – Violet reassured me as her eyes lit with the expectance of a distant kiss.

- I can see you do. – my teasing words touched her conscious and she forced herself to look me in the eyes as my lips burnt from the intensity of her stare.

In between timid smiles, we walked around as the sun started to set and the streets got less busy since we were heading off the main courses and our conversation about work filled the silence

With our hands brushing slightly against each other accidentally, the need of holding hers was progressively being fed and increased as the minutes spent next to her went by. Finding Violet there, out of the blue, was a gift from destiny or whatever you want to call it. I was simply so grateful for her presence and also going crazy for repressing my urge to kiss her tender lips. What a twist of a feeling. My mind couldn’t be more lost than it was at that moment, but my heart was in an accelerated pace that I had never experienced before.

- What were you doing around this area? – I asked trying to fill the comfortable silence that engulfed us a few minutes ago, leading to giggles and shy smiles.

- Oh, I had dinner with the bros. Big bro is going to work late tonight and the little brat is going to sleepover at someone’s house. – Violet replied with her steps turning into nervous fidgeting movements.

- What did you eat? – I asked not just trying to make conversation but because I was deeply intrigued to know every single detail of her day, so the time I was away from her could be compensated.

- A sandwich from subway. Just something fast. – She replied biting her lips immersed in her thoughts.

The simple action drove me insane. I was trying my hardest not to kiss her but seeing her biting her lip was the final blow to completely knock out my self-control. As we passed by a dark alley, I took the opportunity and grabbed her wrist and guided her deeper into the shadows of the hidden street. Being controlled by my thirst, I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the wall as I gently, in a slow pace, rubbed my lips against hers and unconsciously held my breath between accelerated heartbeats. My hands let go of the hoodie paper bag and trembled with the feeling of touching Violet again, they trembled with the anticipation of the moment I could feel her skin against my hands and travelled leisurely through her body; so, one rested on her waist and the other grabbed her neck possessively. Violet’s eyes were drowning in expectance for my kiss, our kiss. I probably made her wait too long for it since she offered me a kind smile filled with thirst and embarrassment, perhaps I took too long adoring the features of her majestic face and delayed the kiss, or perhaps I couldn’t fight my own nature and had to keep teasing her.

I let go of a breath, I forgot I was holding and kissed her like she was the air that I needed. I kissed her deeply and devoured her mouth with my feverish tongue, needing to taste her after a long day of missing her sweetness. Exploring her mouth as if it was our first kiss.

I felt Violet’s legs give away as our tongues played with each other, so I increased the pressure of my body on hers and made all the tiny distance between us disappear as my leg slid between hers. Violet moaned softly in response to the vigorous contact, making me groan in unison as my body started reacting towards hers and my bulge began to grow. Suddenly, her nails scratched the skin of my neck and then pulled my hair in the urge for a deeper contact.

Restricting myself from committing a public offence on a dark alley, I bit her lower lip to progressively distance ourselves from our frenetic kiss. Caressing her cheeks, I winked at her, grabbed my paper bag once again, and walked away from the shadows and heading back to the street. I could feel she was still standing there on the same spot, but I gave her a few moments to pull her herself together.

Violet soon joined me again, maintaining her distance from me, probably trying to avoid getting me in trouble in public. Though that distance killed me, how I wished to hold her hand and make her understand I wanted her… I wanted her to be mine. Suddenly, that distance increased, and I stopped feeling her next to me, I looked back at her and noticed she stopped.

- What’s wrong, Beautiful? – I asked her worried as I followed her stare, she was looking at a movie arcade there.

- It’s a weekday, there’s probably no one there… and it’s dark, I guess. – She replied unsure of her request.

“How precious,” I thought to myself as I gave her the only answer I could probably find, I smiled in agreement and followed her inside.

- So, I’ll buy the tickets. Hide that gorgeous face behind your hoodie and pretend to look at your phone.

I watched her do her thing, Violet was polite and delicate to everyone when she was buying tickets for the movie that she didn’t even know what was about. She was cute, very cute. Violet even got us popcorn and cold drinks, the whole package for the date. Date. “Fuck!”

- Next time I’ll pay, I’m sorry. You caught me off guard! – I apologized almost in panic for not paying our first date out.

Violet placed a popcorn between her lips and then caught it with her teeth, playing with it with her tongue to finally eat it, as she looked at me smirking for my comment. My friend down below started flinching inside my pants with the visual audacity of her provocation.

- Uh! The first sign you can’t keep up with me. I’m winning. – She giggled as she tormented my longing desires.

- Declaring war, are we? Careful. – I managed to say in an attempt to tease her back.

To be honest I didn’t think we would watch the movie, because the theatre was empty. “Oh, Jesus! Help me.” I begged in silence. We sat at the far back seats in the middle since she said it was the best seats to watch the movie. “Are we actually watching?” I asked her in my mind and tried to suppress the detailed image my imagination was creating of her bouncing on top of me as she rode my cock in an empty theatre. “Stop it.” I told the beast inside my pants as I tried to find a comfortable position to sit down next to her.

Violet nudged my hand to hold hers and I thanked the heavens for the fact that my eyes had adjusted to the dark so quickly. Once I held her hand, I noticed how she squeezed her legs adorned by her ripped jeans and I started wondering how easy it would be to touch her skin. I leaned towards her ear to whisper something, but I was startled by the couple that walked in and I rapidly sat straight on my seat. I heard her giggle at my behaviour, mocking me as they sat far away from us. I looked at her and saw how relaxed she was, she was probably certain that I wouldn’t do anything too daring to her there.

She. Was. Wrong.

We were talking quietly about everything and nothing, none of us was paying attention to the movie. I started to slowly caress her here and there, just a light touch and then I let my finger play with the exposed skin of her legs, when I nipped her earlobe, and I could feel her skin shivering under my fingers. With the reaction I inflicted on her a devilish need grew and burnt me, so I flatted my hand on her thigh and squeezed the flesh under my palm making her squirm and fidget on her seat. Violet grabbed my arm and dug her nails in my skin, trying to make me stop. I didn’t. I kept touching her and found my way to her top, exploring her tummy beneath her blouse, as I went higher, I felt her stiff trying to suppress her reactions. When I sneaked my hand under her bra and coped her breast, she almost jumped but the only response I got was a glare and her hand covering her mouth muffling the moan that erupted from her throat.

- What a good girl. Not making any noise, I didn’t know you had it in you. – I whispered to her near her sensitive ear.

Violet grabbed my chin and leaned towards my craving lips when suddenly we were interrupted by the noise of soft husky moans. She blinked frenetically and rolled her eyes as she understood what was happening with the other couple and let a disappointed breath got away.

- Well… she doesn’t. – Violet said already smiling – Let’s get out of here.

I watched her get up loudly, that was probably her way to show her discontent about the noises they were doing. I hurried after her without forgetting my paper bag and before we exited the theatre, I stole her a kiss. She grabbed my waist to pull me closer to her as she felt my hardness, this time she was the one who pushed me against the wall and without breaking our synchronic lips and starving tongues. Her legs trembled once again when I explored the inside of her mouth deeply smiling between our kiss. That was one of her weaknesses. But she knew mine too, to wipe my smirk away she bit my bottom lip and stared at me with fire in her gaze that could burn me for hours, or even days. She gave me a good squeeze on my thrilling bulge and walked away. God, how I loved this side of her.

- I need to use the ladies’ room. – She informed me before disappearing into the toilet. Even though I was the one who needed to go to the toilet more than her… to take care of some business if I could.

I waited for her as I leaned breathless against the wall and accidentally let my paper bag slid through my fingers. I took the black hoodie out of there and noticed it had dried, there wasn’t any spot adoring the material. Then, taking a closer look the blue hoodie I was wearing, I thought “well, I did buy it while thinking about the colours of her room”. And with that mindset, I hurried to the toilet myself and changed into the old hoodie so I could lend the new one to her and got rid of the annoying bag.

I was faster than her. When she walked out of the toilet, I was already waiting outside for her. Violet had now drops of water running down her face, but refreshing her cheeks with water couldn’t hide how blushed she looked. And the way that she was walking let me know how horny she was.

- Let’s go. – Violet said when she saw me.

I stood still since I couldn’t focus on what she was saying, feeling distracted by her ass swaying from one side to the other, but when I didn’t answer she turned around and then she noticed that I changed my clothes. I gulped and searched for my pride when she noticed I had changed, but I couldn’t find it. I had lost already. Clearly.

- It’s probably too cold outside, right now. Put this on. – I suggested as her eyes lit up and her dimples surfaced.

Once she put it on, it was game over. My heart almost jumped out of my chest, she looked so small in it and yet so powerful, nothing could compare to that feeling. That feeling, as if she was already mine… as if she was accepting we belonged to one another. And just like that, I caught her gripping the hem of the hoodie’s collar and inhaling a deep breath to absorb all my fragrance present on the fabric. Trying to avoid getting my hopes too high and feeling a soft blush invading my expression, I tried to escape her spell with a joke:

- Pervert. – I said making her stop abruptly from adoring my perfume.

- Le..let’s go! – She said running away outside.

I put my hood on and followed her outside, the fresh breeze surprised us both, and perhaps it was because we were too hot at that moment. The wind was cutting us like knives; she slipped her hands in her pockets, protecting them from the cold.

But even though the weather wasn’t pleasing we kept walking in silence. It was comfortable and we were aware no one wanted to go home.

- I don’t feel like going home. – She admitted.

I laughed and punched her arm, she soon did the same and we intertwined our fingers just for a few seconds.

- How about we… – I stared as I looked around to scan what we could possibly do together – oh, let’s go there!

- It looks shabby. Are you sure? It’s fine by me but …

- Come on! It’s going to be fun! – I tried to appeal to her and whispered against her ear – I’ll sing to you. It will be a private concert. You can even make demands, Princess.

Violet blushed and bit her lip, I knew she was crazy about my voice and there was no way she could resist the temptation of me singing just for her. As she made her mind about my suggestion, I followed her in the direction of the karaoke joint.

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed reading this. According to my plans, next chapter will be hotter... as in ... burning hot!

Sweet Little Bird.

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akp-1327 · 4 years ago

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dear diary // chapter six

Hey! Here’s the next chapter! Also, before you delve into it, I just wanted to inform you about how gloomy this chapter is. It’s a major turning point for the series, though! I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading. ❤️

As always, find the series masterlist here to catch up! :)

Pairings: Ajay Bhandari x f!MC (Charlotte Parker), Skye Crandall x f!OC (Leila Maciel)

Word Count: 4.4k

(*) Warnings: mentions of bankruptcy and dementia.

(Buckle up for an emotional roller coaster, everyone...)

“Hi, Ajay.”

Charlotte looked worse than she had this morning when she was dealing with her hangover. Now, as she stood helplessly in front of me, she looked like she was about to cry.

“Charlotte, are you alright?” I asked, knowing what her answer would be right off the bat. With a purse of her lips, she looked down at the floor and slowly shook her head. She finally met my eyes and let her own fill with tears, her walls slowly crashing down.

“No, not really.”

I instantly waved her in and closed the door. Rory was out with a few friends that had just arrived on campus, so I probably wasn’t going to see him until morning. That was okay; Charlotte didn’t look like she was ready to leave anytime soon when she was perched on my bed, wiping desperately at her tears.

“What happened?” I questioned softly, coming to sit beside her.

I wasn’t usually the crying-on-the-shoulder type, so I honestly felt out of place in this situation. Although, despite my inexperience, she answered.

“When I got back after our coffee trip, Leila and I got into a huge argument about what happened last night.” Charlotte sniffled, her voice breaking as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Without knowing what to say, I wrapped a hesitant arm around her shoulders to try and console her. I felt her tense up underneath my arm, leading me to assume I went too far.

I was about to pull away before she huddled closer to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. Of course, I tried my best to ignore how my heart started to thunder in my chest at the action, but that’s unimportant right now.

After a few beats of silence, I found my voice again. I still didn’t know whether or not I’d been doing this whole ‘consolation’ thing properly, but talking seemed to alleviate her emotions, even if it was temporary.

“Did she apologize for what happened?”

Charlotte shook her head, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. “No. I guess she was angry at me, too.”

“Why?” My eyes widened and my embrace around her tightened by just a fraction. It was such a small movement but I could tell it was something she noticed by the way she wrapped her arms around me, clinging to me as if I’d disappear.

“She thinks that I’m dependent on her protection,” Charlotte said, her voice still unsteady, “and...and I just...” She broke down into sobs, her shoulders heaving and her arms tightening around my torso. Yet again, I had no idea what to do, so I frowned,

Just this morning she’d been upbeat. She was fatigued, sure, but she was herself nonetheless. Now, she was the complete opposite. It...well...it hurt my heart.

(Dammit.).

I failed to muster a response before she started to speak again.

“I didn’t tell you about my parents’ diner, did I? About what happened?”

I started shaking my head when she pulled back to compose herself. It was barely a second before she crossed her arms tightly around herself. She was silent in deep thought for a minute, her eyes trained on Rory’s unmade bed across the room.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” I muttered softly, though she sniffled and looked back up at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much hurt, so much pain, so much despair, in my life aside from her eyes in that moment. The blue irises that gazed into mine were overflowing with such a depressing sadness that I was rendered speechless.

Of course, she had beautiful eyes. She had a beautiful smile, too. Everything about her was just beautiful, even when she was at her lowest point like this.

“I do want to,” Charlotte breathed, nodding to herself in a way that seemed forced, almost as if she’d reminded herself that she wanted to, “you’re the best person I can talk to.”

Things with Leila, her best friend, must be seriously messed up. It’s been about two weeks since we met and she’s already crying on my shoulder.

I nodded wordlessly in understanding (because I still couldn’t find the right words to say) and let her continue.

“The day I got here, I called my mom. She told me how their diner had gone bankrupt,” Charlotte said, her voice now clear and consistent, “then, to top it all off, the building got condemned. It’s never really been in the best condition, but it’s always been like that. We’ve never had the best finances, either, so we couldn’t get anything permanently fixed.”

She buried her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do, or what to think. I basically grew up there, y’know? It hurts to hear, but it hurts even more to know that I’m not at home with my family. And then everything with Leila and the stress of classes starting soon...”

“Oh my god,” I whispered, surprising her (and myself; I mean, I finally found my vocal chords!), “that sounds like a living hell.”

Charlotte cracked a wry laugh, immediately easing the growing knot in the pits of my heart. Even if it didn’t sound like her usual chortle, I deemed that it was better than her sobbing into my shoulder.

“Oh, I can assure you that it is.”

“What a poor, poor reassurance,” I sighed, “can I give you some advice?”

I watched her nod solemnly before I started.

“For starters, you’re strong. I don’t think you’re dependent on Leila’s protection because you wouldn’t be here if you were,” I said, watching her reaction carefully. It had been my job as a director to read people’s character and emotion and give them advice on how to improve; these circumstances hadn’t been much different...besides the fact of not literally��directing her around.

“Second. You need to know that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to share your emotions and opinions. You don’t need to bottle everything up all the time, especially when something big like this is bothering you.” I heard (and felt) my voice soften. I don’t exactly know why - maybe it was because of how calm the moment felt or because I didn’t want to worry her - but I did know that she was listening carefully because of her newly-formed expression of confusion.

“How did you know I was holding everything in?” Charlotte questioned. I simply smiled.

“I’m a director, remember? I know lots of things.” I teased, watching an unconvinced smile spread across her features. So I sighed and told her the truth. “I have lots of experiences with keeping my emotions hidden from the world. Plus, from what I’ve heard, you’re the instituted older sibling; I just happen to know all about that.”

“Oh.” She breathed. It sounded vulnerable. “That’s very observant of you, mister director.”

(Why are my cheeks starting to heat up? Whatever. Um. Advice. Respond to her. Um.)

“Not observant,” I corrected, giving her a tender and understanding smile whilst ignoring my growing sheepishness, “experienced.”

And then I watched as the silent wish I had in my mind came true; she smiled. It was such a brilliant thing; I couldn’t move, think, breathe, or function like a normal human being for a whirlwind of a second. It was something alleviating, breathtaking, and mesmerizing all at once.

“Ah, right. You have lots of...experience.” Charlotte laughed, giving me a thankful look before rubbing at her eyes. I just noticed how exhausted she looked and instantly felt guilty for keeping her awake. It was almost half past ten and I knew she was a night owl, but her eyes were growing bleary and she let out an occasional yawn.

“I do.” I hummed, gingerly reaching for her hand. I don’t really understand why I did; it just seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. To let her know I was here for her. “And if you need to talk about anything else like this, I’m here. Okay?”

Her cheeks burned bright pink when I grazed my thumb over the back of her hand. I’ve noticed that her hands are always impossibly soft and comfortingly warm.

“Okay.” Charlotte nodded. A moment of silence passed, and then another, and then a whole two minutes passed without any conversation; it wasn’t awkward or weird or anything, but it had definitely been different. The air between us seemed to thicken. Her blue eyes looked up to meet mine again and I immediately knew why the moment had felt so different. Emotions like vulnerability and relief swirled around her irises.

She trusted me.

We continued to gaze at each other for what felt like hours, mindlessly but also knowingly, before she cleared her throat and pulled away. I took my hand back and the moment ended.

I immediately missed the warmth of her hand in mine.

“Thank you, Ajay. Seriously.” Charlotte breathed, standing up. “I owe you one.”

I smiled and shook my head. “I disagree. I was just doing what nice friends do.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes but still grinned. “Nice friends accept an offering from another friend.” she winked, pulling me into a hug so quick I barely had time to react. She was halfway out the door before I processed her quick embrace. “I’ll get you coffee or something sometime and I can promise that you’ll never see it coming. Goodnight.”

Before I could retort, she was gone with a flourish. She closed the door softly, leaving me with my thoughts.

August 23rd, 2020

Dear Diary...

Wow. Three entries within the span of a month? Wow, I’m genuinely shocked. Anyway. I have something to say, and I think it might be urgent...in a sense.

Charlotte. Remember her? Yeah. I think something’s happening with our...friendship. And in a really good way. Over the past couple days, she’s been looking at me differently. Talking to me differently. Smiling at me more. She even pokes my arm...which has never happened before? It’s far from usual, but at the same time...I’m getting used to it.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I shouldn’t be letting myself do this. I shouldn’t be letting myself grow closer to her. With every passing day, I keep allowing myself to spend time with her in the way that will eventually kill me. I know what’s going to happen: she’ll audition for the show, get a lead part, and forget about me. I’ll be heartbroken...again.

I don’t know what these feelings mean. Wait. Maybe I do, actually; I just don’t want to admit the truth to myself because the truth scares me. A lot.

So. That’s really it. Unless you want to hear about my “home life” problem? Well then, do I have news for you. I haven’t visited Amma, Mo, or Jim in almost a year and have been purposefully putting it off out of the fear that they won’t accept me as their family. (This is basically stemming off the fact of me “spending lots of time” with my dad over summer...)

Anyway. That’s about it. I’m seriously considering the thought of not directing the show this year so I can actually breathe with the whole Charlotte situation, but I don’t think Olson would like that. He always says that I’m the “most qualified” and “better seasoned” student he has.

Why must everything in my life be so confusing?

Ajay

The air had slowly grown colder over the next week, signaling flannel season. Pumpkin spice season. Spooky season, as Rory called it. It was finally September; the start of autumn and the school year.

Erin asked me to go shopping with her at a local craft store. She needed new autumn decorations and, by some sort of force, I just happened to be the only one free on the last Saturday before class officially started on Tuesday. So here we were; walking into a large corner store I’d never seen before with a small basket on Erin’s arm.

“Look at all of the leaf garlands...” Erin smiled, pointing at all the aisles. She eagerly looked around at all the decorations. I, in all honesty, could spend the entire day in this store. It was so tranquil.

...But don’t tell anyone that.

“Ajay! Look at this!” Erin held up a small pair of purple and orange striped witch legs with black boots. “It’d be right up Skye’s alley! We could hang it outside the door.”

Without further explanation, she tossed it into her basket and proceeded to the next aisle with Halloween decorations. She glanced at a few before continuing on. Erin isn’t a Halloween person; she doesn’t get scared easily, but she just doesn’t like how cheesy the holiday is.

“You seem to be doing better,” I said nonchalantly, showing her a miniature pumpkin that looked like a paper weight. She took the pumpkin but didn’t respond until she placed it in her basket.

“I am.” Erin said just as casually. It was quite...infuriating, to say the least.

We continued to walk around the store, the odd encounter almost forgotten until we got to the fake flower aisle. Erin took a faux orchid into her hands and looked at it wistfully, twirling the plastic stem between her fingers.

“These...are my grandma’s favorites.” She whispered, her voice faltering.

Oh, no.

“Erin?” I questioned, watching as she shook the emotion away and put the orchid back. It was faint, but I watched several emotions flash through her eyes. Pain, grief, longing.

She walked away from the orchids without looking back and instead picked up a yellow rose further down the aisle.

“I could cut the stems off of these and decorate a stick wreath with them. Maybe add a few orange cosmos and red daisies? Oh, and maybe--”

“That’d look nice,” I hummed, cutting her off. She took some artificial baby’s breath and added it to the mix, not meeting my eyes.

Clearly she was ignoring what had happened with the orchid.

I remember Erin talking about her grandma all the time - the amazing woman in her life that had been a philanthropist within her community. I don’t remember her name, though I do remember that Erin adored her just as much as she adored Erin. The latter would ramble on and on about all the people her grandmother inspired (herself included) and loved to talk about how her grandmother taught her about living her life to the fullest.

Then, unexpectedly two summers ago, Erin’s notorious grandmother forgot about her birthday. Then she forgot her wedding anniversary. Then, unbelievably, she forgot about her career that she used to talk so much about. She had no recollection of what she’d accomplished, though when someone reminded her and talked about it in vivid detail, her memory would kick back in and she’d act like nothing ever happened.

The memory lapses continued over the course of freshman year, but she still fought to remember the people closest to her. It stayed that way for a while, but you could tell that it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to recall certain things.

Then, right before winter break of sophomore year, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

Erin talked with me about it all throughout the entire course of break. How her grandma was put on all these medications and needed to be moved into a nursing home for daily care. How Erin was terrified that her grandma would forget about everything she ever loved, ever knew, ever experienced. She had every right to, as well; it was scary, especially for Erin. Her grandma was like her safe place, her shoulder to cry on. It could all be taken away.

Erin’s heart slowly broke as she watched her grandma’s strength slowly wither away. By the start of the summer, Erin’s grandma couldn’t even walk because she’d gotten so frail. The last time Erin and I talked about it, everything was as good as it could’ve been.

But by Erin’s mention of the orchid, I’m guessing it hadn’t been an easy summer for her or her family.

“Erin,” I said suddenly, catching her off-guard as she looked for a wooden wreath, “it happened, didn’t it?”

I absolutely hated and regretted the blunt delivery, but she seemed to understand. She looked down at her shoes and grimly nodded.

“The week before I arrived on campus, I took one last visit before school. I held her hand for a while and hoped, but she...didn’t remember me. No matter how many times I said my name or showed her pictures...” Erin breathed sadly, holding her palm up to look at. It shook the tiniest bit.

That’s why she’d been so...cold for the past couple weeks. Her grandma forgot about her. Not willingly, but, forgot about her nonetheless. This was what she was scared of most, and having it come true...

“I know this doesn’t help in the slightest, but I’m so sorry, Erin.” I whispered, placing my hand on her shoulder thoughtfully. She took a deep breath and shrugged.

“It’s not your fault, Ajay. It’s no one’s fault.” Erin whispered, failing to keep her voice even.

Erin shook her head again and sniffled before she took a small wooden wreath, gently placing it into her basket. She walked away after waving at me to follow her towards the register.

After the whole situation with Erin, I just needed to relax. I got back to the dorm and started to get all my school supplies organized. It was just the therapy I needed. Rory even joined in when he got back from who knows where and played random songs from musicals he loves. I can’t even name them all.

We talked about things, too. Serious things, like my tobacle with Charlotte. I didn’t go into much detail, but I could tell Rory picked up on a couple things. He knew me too well. Even throughout all of that, I didn’t mention Erin to him. I debated it, but then I remembered that it wasn’t something I should share. When she was ready, she’d say something. And, clearly, that wasn’t right now.

It was at least half past eleven when we decided to call it quits; or I decided, since Rory had been passed out on top of his blankets.

Before I settled in for bed, I sent a text to Charlotte.

I hadn’t heard from her all day. This wouldn’t have looked out of the ordinary to anyone else, but she usually sends these stupidly funny memes about theater throughout the day. I don’t even know where (or how, for that matter) she finds them.

Ajay: You okay?

It was nearly thirty seconds after I sent the message when she responded.

Charlotte: leila and i are still iffy but i’ve been alright. i’m pretty exhausted but overall okay...ish :)

Charlotte: how are you?

I really, really wanted to share how I was feeling. Not just about Erin’s struggles or my own, but about her. But, first of all, I was not going to be “that guy” to confess over text. Second of all, I didn’t even know how I would confess. I couldn’t turn the weird notions I had floating around in my mind into words.

Even if I could, I still doubt I’d tell her.

Ajay: Tired, as always. Also, would it kill you to capitalize your words?

I knew she’d have a witty response to this. She always had one to anything thrown her way. I quickly learned that it was one of her most quirky traits.

Charlotte: YES I WOULD, GRANDPA! I WOULD DIE OF UTTER SHOCK FROM PRESSING THE CAPS BUTTON ON THIS VERY SCREEN ALL THE TIME! YOU’RE GONNA ATTEND MY FUNERAL AND GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW AMAZING OF A FRIEND I WAS BECAUSE YOU JUST KILLED ME.

Such a dork.

Charlotte: there. hope that resolved the problem. oh, and i hope you can afford my funeral, you murderer.

Such a cute dork, one could say.

Ajay: Not especially to all of that, but I guess I can let that one slide. But I better not see any lowercase nouns on your audition form once the show rolls around.

And that’s the reason that’d always hold me back. Whenever I thought I’d worked up enough courage to actually formulate some thought about these feelings I had for her, I’d remember that she was a theater kid, and I don’t allow myself to get involved with them. Not after what happened with Kelly.

Charlotte: you really think i’m that unprofessional? how rude.

Charlotte: plus...i don’t even know if i’m doing the show yet. i feel like it might burn me out. i’m a workaholic when it comes to school.

A familiar feeling of hope lightened the dead weight of stress on my shoulders. I may actually have a chance; well, a chance without making myself relive bad memories.

Ajay: I guess that makes sense. If you’re interested, auditions are on the 14th.

Charlotte: would you have a bias towards me because i’m your friend? 😉

Of course she’d ask that. Why wouldn’t she? This was Charlotte; she was the most curious person I’d ever met.

Ajay: Absolutely...not.

Charlotte: gosh diggity darn it. not even for me? i thought we were...like...besties or something. you hurt my fragile feelings. 🤧😭

God, why is she so cute?

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud and had to hold a hand to my mouth to contain it before I woke Rory up. The last thing I wanted was his snarky question about why I’d been laughing while he was still half asleep.

Ajay: Apologies, but it’s against the rules.

Ajay: Also, how would we be best friends when we’ve known each other for a little over a month? I don’t even know your favorite color or movie or animal. Oh, and even your birthday? This is all stuff that best friends know about each other.

Charlotte: green 💚 she’s the man ⚽️ penguins 🐧 December 28th, 2001 🎉

Charlotte: you?

I was playing a dangerous game here; I didn’t know if I wanted to win (stay friends and hold in my feelings forever)...but I didn’t know if I wanted to lose (tell her how I felt...eventually; once I knew), either.

Well, I guess you only live once, right?

Ajay: Green, The Bicycle Thief, octopi, and August 2nd, 2000. Relatively basic.

Charlotte: OMG HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! (ignore how it’s sept 4th please) 🎉🎉🎉 the big 20, right?

Ajay: Sadly, but shhh, I’m still 19 at heart. Don’t tell anyone.

Charlotte: my lips are sealed 🤐 and i have a question; it’s almost midnight. why’re you awake?

Stress? Was stress a good answer? I think it was. She didn’t have to know what I was stressed about. It was general but also just specific enough to pass as a viable excuse.

I don’t think it’d help if I confessed that some of it was because of her, either, so that was another good reason to just give a simple answer.

Ajay: Stress. Why’re you awake?

Charlotte: same reason. i also haven’t been sleeping well, if at all, since leila went to stay in skye and erin’s dorm.

Ajay: Wow, since your argument? That was more than a week ago. Erin hasn’t said anything and I haven’t heard from Skye in a few days.

Charlotte: leila has always been a bit dramatic when it comes to holding grudges. but, anyway, i should let you get some sleep. but before you go, do you wanna do something tomorrow? i think we both could use a break.

That sounded like an amazing idea. Just taking a breather from everything that’d been happening in my life. But...

Ajay: I was thinking of going to visit my family tomorrow.

Maybe this was just another one of my excuses to stop me from letting these feelings grow. I didn’t want to get my hopes up; there was still a possibility that she’d audition for the show.

Charlotte: oh, that’s okay! another time?

But, then again, I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to win or lose this game. And it’d be nice to have someone there with me.

Ajay: Would you want to do something tomorrow?

Charlotte: ...is this your way of asking me to go with you to visit your family?

Ajay: Maybe.

Yes.

Charlotte: well, as long as it’s alright with you, i’d love to tag along. if you wanted me there.

Ajay: It’s definitely alright. Is ten okay? It only takes like...half an hour to get there. Maybe we’ll stop and get coffee or something before we go.

Charlotte: cool beans! you know exactly how to persuade me. see you at ten :) please try to sleep well!

Ajay: Ditto.

Boom. Just like that. Simple as pie. I was going to visit family that I hadn’t seen in a year...with Charlotte.

Tomorrow.

Yeah, there’s no way in hell that I’m actually getting any sleep tonight.

Awesome, wow. Cue ‘The Reynolds Pamphlet’, because I felt like Hamilton at this very moment...an absolute idiot.

Still, it might be nice, right?

Might. It just might.

It will be nice...with her company.

Ajay: :)

Walking to Charlotte’s dorm the next morning felt completely different than the last time. I vividly remember the walk; it was quick and painless. I had little to no butterflies fluttering around my stomach. I wasn’t hyperventilating. I wasn’t trying to wipe the sweat from my hands as I marched down the stairs and up to her door.

My hands didn’t shake for a second that night, but now...I couldn’t find a way to keep them still.

That party brought us closer together than I ever thought imaginable. That party basically sparked this entire flame. It’s what made me realize that Charlotte could never be just a friend. She’d felt like something more for...for a while; sometime during the party, it just kind of became a thought.

Even that night when she was showing her raw emotion, her concern for her family, her frustrations with Leila...it opened my eyes to what I could tell her with such honesty. It made me humor the thought of becoming the type of person to share my deepest and darkest secrets with someone.

This someone, somehow, just weaseled her way into my life without any warning.

Everything fit into place and everything was put into perspective the longer I went over the “what if’s” and “what could be’s”. The weird notions in my heart were now scripted...and there wasn’t a way to take their roles away. There wasn’t a way to write them out or scribble over their lines with pen.

And...let me just say...this terrified the living hell out of me.

Putting myself and my already damaged heart out there and on the line again...didn’t seem worth it. It didn’t seem like something I could handle if it went wrong. But you know what seemed worth it? The slim chance that she saw me the same way, that she wanted to be something more.

Now, as I stood at her door, the ever increasing rate of my heart pounded in my ears. I hoped I could admit these thoughts to her today. Or do something that could give her a hint.

It’s crazy how something small, like a feeling that you had for a split second, can manifest into a overwhelmingly large tower of impending doom in such a short period of time. It felt like I had a small, irking suspicion that I liked her at the party, but...I knew for a fact that I liked her now. A lot more.

Dammit.

#high school story class act #ajay bhandari #erin ward #rory silva #skye crandall #mc: charlotte parker #oc: leila maciel #ajay x mc #skye x oc #choices stories you play #chapter six 🥳#warnings: mentions of bankruptcy and dementia

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