#I want to talk to someone about it and have discussions

[venti-sized-latte]

It's why I feel like I have to be careful when discussing the work I've done. For engineering, my capstone project fell under AI, but we didn't use any generative AI. What we did was create a dataset for training AI (in this case, training a machine learning algorithm: the sort in the post that's the example of what OP does want used in science). It was an attempt to train a learning model into being less racist/ableist/classist/sexist/ageist/etc when using object detection and we got really good results. Like, really really good results.

We managed to create the dataset cheaply using Unreal Engine, and I don't remember exact numbers but in-person testing after training with our dataset improved detecting all sorts of people into the high 90s (the model trained on real human but less inclusive dataset was accurate to the mid-80s).

We wanted to prove that you can, in fact, make a model that doesn't think a black woman is less of a person or not a human at all compared to a white man. Or someone with fewer than four limbs was a person and not an object. Or that someone in a wheelchair was not a rock. And, like, it's not even some incredibly difficult, unachieveable thing. If we made a dataset in a literal video game engine, if you actually tried to make more diverse datasets IRL, you'll get the results. Or, with a lot more testing beyond the scope of our project, you might be able to use artificial datasets, provided enough contraints.

I'm really damn proud of that project, but mentioning the words "artificial intelligence", or just adjacent words ("machine learning", etc.) will either set off red flags in a person or another person will jump on it and assume you're talking about generative AI and go off about how it'll make work "easier" or some other short-sighted bullshit.

[kaxserlvr]

Toxicbf!kaiser who always puts soccer above you. He doesn’t think twice cancelling dates for training or matches if it would mean becoming the best.“You should’ve known what you were getting into”

Toxicbf!kaiser who avoids serious discussions. He hates emotional confrontations, can’t handle them and will dodge it or dismiss it completely. “We’re doing fine, why ruin the atmosphere?”

Toxicbf!Kaiser whose ego is his biggest flaw. He will constantly prioritise himself and make you an afterthought not an equal completely disregarding your feelings . May even seem like he’s looking down on you. “You should feel lucky you’re with me”

Toxicbf!kaiser who doesn’t apologise. Even when he knows he’s in the wrong(which is rare lol) he’d prefer to straight up ignore it or buy expensive gifts in hopes you’ll forget. He hates the feeling of being vulnerable.

Toxicbf!Kaiser when you start to pull away from him will act like it doesn’t bother him(it does). He thinks you’re just trying to get a reaction from him, he’d call it “cute” He fully thinks you’ll come back(until you dont)

Toxicbf!Kaiser who feels something disgusting stir in him when he sees you talking to someone with a smile you no longer show him. He suddenly has a strong urge to be near you to show you’re his glaring at the person.” Are they bothering you,hm?”

Toxicbf!kaiser who starts to panic when he realises you’re genuinely getting tired of him. He’ll try to act like it doesn’t bother him but starts to notice how you don’t wait up for him at night, you dont try to start small chats, you no longer look at him,you no longer send him cute messages on how he’s doing. He’s starting to sound desperate.”Talk to me” “where are you?”

Toxicbf!kaiser who uses anger as a defence. He’ll try to blame you for his issues since it’s hard for him to take the fault. Truth is beneath all the anger is fear-fear of losing the one person that makes him feel something. “So that’s it? You’re just gonna give up on me?”

Toxicbf!kaiser who finally breaks and apologies. Seeing you slip away for good causes him to drop the act. No more looking down,no more games. He looks desperate and his usual cocky voice is replaced by something quieter “I’ve never done this…I- I don’t know how to be…I don’t want to loose you..” hed swallow his pride and admit he’s wrong if it means not losing you “I know I messed up and should’ve treated you better..I’m sorry”

Toxicbf!Kaiser who’d give you space but still be available. Texting you so he can remember you’re still here “have you eaten?” “What did you do today?”

If you choose to leave him for good …he’d take it hard and he wouldn’t be the same. Hed spend most of his time on soccer to try forget everything and his emptiness. It does pay off as he improves even more and becoming the best of the best but when he scores the winning goal and everyone cheers for him he instinctively looks for you in the crowd-to see your not there-he realises how bad he lost

But if you choose to give him a chance…you can see he’s nervous he will mess up again by the way he fidgets more around you. You two would have a talk and Kaiser would open up about his fears and insecurities he’s had and hed promise to work on himself and you promise to help communicate more so you guys can grow from this for the future.

[doppel-doodles]

That illustration is making me want to slam my head against solid concrete, Art block said no, and I know when to pick my battles so fuck it we ball-

A normal post about Matthew Hallard from Poppy Playtime

I briefly mentioned this in the Jack post, the fact that I didn't think I had anything new or particularly interesting to say on Matthew as I always thought the Fandom had a lot of the bases covered.

But the more I actually thought about him, the more I wanted to talk about one thing in particular:

Let's talk about Doeys tape.

In game we find a vhs tape recorded by Doey, talking about how he almost ditched everyone in favor of running away, ultimately deciding to go back for them instead. It reveals a lot about how he truly feels about the responsibility that has been given to him.

I think it was so important to include this and the reason why is quite simple:

It humanises Matthew for me.

Why I point him out specifically is due to reasons I mentioned in my other analysis, Jack's control is mostly passive, Kevin only really comes to the forefront when he feels like there is a threat to assess or deal with and it has been confirmed that Matthew is the oldest of the children as well as having been a leader of sorts since he was still a human child, so in the tape it's basically him venting.

Which is great as it makes something crystal clear: He is not a perfect saint.

Matthew is a teenager who has been parentified from an incredibly young age, places immense pressure on himself, is suffering from more burnout than a college kid and not to mention the horror that is his current existence and life-

He doesn't WANT this responsibility, he only takes it on because nobody else will or can.

And nobody even thinks to ask him ONCE how HE is doing, no,no it's him who has to do that, he is not allowed to have breaks.

For godness sake he literally tells us in the tape that he is recording it because he feels like he can't talk to anyone about his problems!

The toys- The children having someone like Doey or more accurately Matthew is not a guarantee, it is a privilege but it's a privilege Matthew needs to!

And you rarely ever see kind characters COMPLAIN about having to be kind all the time, truly looking after everyone else drains you, it's exhausting to fulfill the needs of others, more often than not you'll have to put aside your own and when you really pull the shit end of the stick you get more complains then appreciation for your troubles.

It is such a CHORE and I think a character struggling with being so selfless actually can have such a massive impact instead of just being able to handle everything, it's that tiny bit of realism I love.

Despite how exhausted and miserable Matthew was over being stuck in this position in the end he turned back. Because he loves his friends that much, and he should get massive props for that.

And to think he still did so much but didn't think anything he did was good enough is just painful, like no honey you are enough, more than enough-

Also Poppy having once been the leader makes you think that maybe Matthew might have been hurt the most by her disappearing.

Like her leading was the closest thing to a break he ever got- and then she just up and disappears?? And it's all up to him now? Not to mention the concern? The worry??

Boy it speaks volumes that he doesn't seem to display more hostility towards her considering Poppy doesn't even EXPLAIN herself on why she left or why she couldn't come back.

He is even civil in discussing the fact that she demands for them to be okay with being blown up(also correct me if I'm wrong but didn't Poppy also include in her plan that SHE will get to live? If I heard that I would be flabbergasted.) But that's something I should discuss in another post.

For now that is everything I have about my boy, if you want to see what I have to say about other characters here is Kevin annnnnnd Jack, plus some extra stuff on Doey

[gloomwitchwrites]

Hello Gloom! If you wouldn’t mind, what are your headcanons about the 141!boys and how they’d be with a partner who has Tourette’s syndrome or tics? Happy holidays ❤️

Hello! I don’t mind at all. Also, the fact that your ask says “Happy Holidays” just goes to show how behind I am on working through my inbox. I’m more than happy to drop a few headcanons on this. I will say, if any of the 141 had a partner with Tourette’s or tics, they’d be completely fine with it, otherwise they wouldn’t be with them to begin with. So, I want to take this time to maybe highlight some specifics for each of the guys.

written w/ gn!reader

John Price

Spends a lot of time learning. He wants to understand how he can support you without expecting you to do the mental and emotional labor of teaching him.

Strongly advocates for you, but only when needed. John won’t overstep his boundaries but will make sure you receive the help you need.

For those days when your tics exhaust you, John designed a room in your home that you can escape to. All you need to do is give a word or a non-verbal sign for when it’s bad, and he understands. No pressure or hard feelings.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Never compares your experience with that of others.

Great about having reflective conversations and helping you work through what your stressors are if you’re struggling with identifying them yourself, but never forces the conversation.

Constant affirmations. Never makes you feel unsupportive. Kyle makes sure you know that you are loved.

Spends every evening massaging any afflicted muscles you might have. You might see it as a big ask but Kyle doesn’t.

Will defend you in any situation. He’s not afraid to call someone out or correct someone who is being rude and/or insensitive to you, especially if it’s acting as a stressor or trigger.

John “Soap” MacTavish

Laughs with you and not at you.

Never mocks or mimics (not that the others would, they absolutely would not.)

Makes sure that you have a calm environment somewhere at home. If the two of you are in public, Johnny goes out of his way to make sure there is a safe space for you to retreat to if you need it.

Doesn’t criticize or try to control your tics. He’s good at ignoring them entirely, and only quietly checks in with you if he notices something unusual or if you appear to be in distress.

Believes in open and clear communication. He always tries to be sensitive and empathic, but he’s also a yapper. (Johnny isn’t always perfect.)

Lots of physical affection as well as verbal affirmations.

Simon “Ghost” Riley

While support is crucial, Simon is also respectful of your boundaries and allows you to manage your own life choices as much as possible. He rarely steps in unless he thinks he needs to.

He doesn’t see you as someone who needs to be “fixed.” Simon has his own experience with people seeing him in that light due to trauma, and he never wants you to feel that way.

Never discusses your tics in public or talks about them with others behind your back.

If the two of you are in public, and someone is staring at you for too long, Simon is quick to stare them down until they become uncomfortable.

main masterlist

[angstywaifu]

Black Dahlia - 37. Disappointed (Garrick)

Summary: Both Garrick and Dahlia have survived the year in the rider's quadrant, but their now found relationship is already causing some issues for the marked ones.

Garrick Tavis x OC (Dahlia Aetos)

Black Dahlia Masterlist | Masterlist | Links

I’m thankful for the breeze that chooses to blow my way as I make my way down the path. Despite being late in the evening, the sun having set long ago, the summer heat was still notable. My black cloak only making it worse. The things we do to make sure no one can tell who we are if they do see us.

“You’re late.” Xaden states as he looks over at me from where he leans up against a tree.

“Barely. Not easy to sneak off when there’s no classes or outposts I can say I’ve been called to.” I tell him bluntly.

He nods in agreement. We might be in third year now, but the week between years is usually quiet for all cadets. Barely any classes to attend, and only preparation for the new first years being a priority for anyone in leadership roles.

“She’s not exactly easy to fool either. You’re going to have your work cut out for you.” Bodhi adds as he smirks at me knowingly.

As much as I wanted to snap back at him, he wasn’t wrong. Dahlia was easily one of the smartest and observant people here. Something that was seriously going to be an issue now I’d publicly laid out my feelings towards her. Yes I had been known for sleeping around here and there. But never once had I shown public affection towards someone. Especially like that. But it was fucking worth it.

“Yes, which is why we need to discuss this. How the hell do you plan on hiding our supply runs from her?” Xaden asks with a raised eyebrow.

Yeah. That part I did not think through. Last year it was easy. I hadn’t really gotten to know her till later in the year, and even then it wasn’t like we were hanging out every day. But now, it was going to be significantly harder.

“We just use the same cover up we’ve always discussed. Say we’re out doing third year things. Second years aren’t told about what we go do.” I say with a shrug, walking over and leaning against one of the trees.

“Or we just tell her.” Bodhi says as if it’s the most obvious answer. “We know she’s trust worthy. And she’s defended us on countless occasions. And if she knew what was going on I think she would help.”

The thought had crossed my mind many times once it was clear she was not like her family, and shared very different opinions. Especially with her comments on Reunification Day. But the only way to be certain was if we could read her mind. And that wasn’t something we had access to.

I look over at Xaden who furrows his brow, as if thinking what to say. “That’s a big if. We can assume all we want, but without knowing her intentions it’s too much of a gamble.” His voice carrying a hint of uncertainty.

“So now you choose to get iffy on her intentions? At the start of last year you were the one telling him to give her a chance and she wasn’t like her family.” Bodhi adds, angrily gesturing towards me. “And now you’re starting to talk like she could be.”

“This is different Bodhi.” Xaden snaps at him, narrowing his eyes at his cousin. “There is a lot more at stake here. All your lives are on the line if the wrong person gets involved or finds out. Especially not with Dain’s signet. I can’t risk him touching her and finding out.”

Bodhi scoffs and shakes his head. “He’s just as likely to get his hands on her as he is us. Hell she can probably shield him out better than we can with the work she’s been doing to control her signet.”

“He’s right.” I say as I hang my head. I hated having to lie to her. Having to hide this. She was going to be pissed when she found out, because one day she would. “We can’t verify what she would do with the knowledge. One day when we’re ready she can find out.“

Bodhi looks between us and shakes his head, clearly disappointed in the outcome. “Let me guess, you’ll let her train any first years that cross the parapet and need help though?”

“She’s good at combat. She’s nearly got as many patches as Garrick now. I’d be stupid not to.” Xaden tells him. She’d already gotten the most patches of her year for how many weapons she was proficient in. We’d be stupid not to ask for her help, though I’m sure she would offer it all of her own accord. “All your lives are on me. And I’ll be damned if I don’t use the skills of those around me to make sure you all survive.”

“But you’ll keep her in the dark just because of her last name. I thought we were past this with her.” He says sadly, clearly knowing he’s lost.

I hate agreeing with Xaden. I want to fight for her like Bodhi is right now. But there’s too many lives at risk.

“We'll let her in one day Bodhi. Just not yet.” I tell him.

Bodhi turns and looks at me, guilt coursing through me with how he looks at me. Disappointed. Yeah… so was I Bodhi.

@imtoanonymousforyou @simplyme-fornow @omalmal @lalaluch @wolfbc97 @leptitlu @fullmoon-94 @the-fandom-ness @fan-of-many-bands @awkardnerd @heeseungthel0ml @acourtofsmutandstarlight @fairchild06 @freyagallileaevans @pit-and-the-pen @hannraumari @elliot-rain @thestarseternaal @stupid-and-contagious01 @hyperfixation-train-station @lxnvmvrzx @thebreadisthetruevillian @red0202 @fangirling-galore @craftytrashprincess @taliyahvermillion @xadenswhore @fenixyrie @lagrandeourse @hellodarling1357 @iambored24601  @thegiftofacreativemind @fanfictionjunkie1112 @mysticalfuncollectorus

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

#have mixed feelings bc think a lot of ppl are just letting off steam/not in convos where solidarity building is even possible#but overall yeah

Right but I'm not making this post to tone police people on what they say on their tumblr blogs I'm making this post to be very real about organizing. I have been interacting with a new friend group recently and its me, another person who's terminally online in the same way I am, a person who's raised by academics so they can easily slide into the marxist jargon and "all white people are racist" type takes that me and this other person speak in, and a self identified centrist who is a roblox and tiktok enjoying 18 year old. we know each other because we all do night club entertainment, and this kid is more established in this profession than the rest of us.

Anyway the point is that talking to this friend, who I want to say for our purposes is non white and grew up much poorer than I did, has low key shaken me when it comes to realizing that growing up on tumblr and reading marx and lenin as a 9th grader, and being raised by linguistics professors, has made me completely incapable of interacting with the average person in a way that makes me just... so bad at organizing. This whole website might as well be a psyop for the numbers its done on me being able to relate to people who I could theoretically win over if I was better at talking to people. This person has been a huge wakeup call. Like fuck me here I am talking to a relatively reasonable black lesbian who grew up in poverty and I cannot break through to them on economic or political issues, not because they're unreachable but because I'm so bogged down in jargon and tumblr hot takes that we the same words to mean completely different things and the way I phrase my opinions or react to certain things make them not want to talk politics with me.

so like, I'm going through my own political playbook and realizing quite a bit of it is completely alienating to people who I should be trying to win over. I cant even win over someone who runs in exclusively queer and mixed circles, because they were raised with what I can only describe as normal american politics. That should be low hanging fruit but here I am trying to talk about the means of production and I'm drawing a blank.

So anyway back to the point of the post. This sort of berating people for being too privileged is one of the things I'm becoming clear eyed about. like it's not a point of contention for me and this specific person or anything but you know, like, it's in the same family of online leftist habits that make us completely unaproachable. I don't engage with it very often but I do shut my mouth because part of me is like "well yeah that person is privilaged and it probably feels bad to hear someone complain about for the less privilaged." but then I actually get in a real life situation and I'm like wait I could win this person over if I just knew how. It's not about handing them a copy of Das Capital, it's not about beraiting them for being privilaged until they feel bad and take up a monk like oath to never step out of line or discuss their own suffering, it's about acknowledging what's wrong and pointing them in the right direction, and that goes for every single person not just those that are more privilaged than you complaining, even though that's what this post is about.

And online is like real life in many ways, If you come onto a person's post and make a snippy comment, you've alienated a potential ally, because theres someone on the other end of that keyboard.

tl;dr: This is just one of many post's I'm gonna be making or have made where I discuss the pitfalls of my own ability to talk to people and tumblrs general tendancy to treat people who could be won over like hot garbage. It's not about tone policing or venting it's about how I see a lot of you alienating potential allies because you're more invested in being leftier than thou, which is a tendancy I also see in myself.

I'm glad yall like this post just clarifying because I know deep in my soul that this post already has been screencapped and had the wavy filter put over it by someone who will go on to make at least on person who could have been down for the cause turn away from us by being completely unpleasant, and who does nothing for leftist organizing but is completely devoted to infighting on tumblr . gov

Saying that a certain group of people is too privileged to complain about the way that things are is its own sort of defense of the status quo

[ziggyisonzaza]

READ ⚠️

I have no idea if this is true but please listen up:

So yk the famous number 988. Basically it's a Suicide Preventation Line where you talk to a representative about your thoughts which can help sometimes.

Now my main point. Trump (yes that stupid fuck) is planning to pay the people who work at Suicide Prevention Hotline WAY LESS just to save "a LitTlE MonEY".

HOW IS SAVING A LITTLE MONEY HELPING ANYONE. THE WHOLE POINT OF THE LINE IS TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE WHEN YOU CANT OPENLY DISCUSS THEM WITH A FRIEND OR FAMILY.

Fuck you Trump. You want people to die? That's your plan? I knew that. You piece of a shit. PAYING THEM LESS MONEY ISNT HELPING ANYONE BUT UR GREEDY FUCKING ASS.

I'm crediting my friend: @yumi-crazy2 for the video she sent me earlier

Thats all the news I have. Please reblog to share

[Sorry for spelling mistakes]

[greentrickster]

Okay, two things:

LGBTQ+ pride FTW 20always, baby!!!!!!!!!!!

Many members of the LGBTQ+ community are in places where it's harmful or even actively dangerous for them to display that pride

So! As someone who's just... wandered into a lot of youtube videos and internet essays and classic literature classes that involved conservative religious terminology, has an English (aka formal bullshitting) degree, and who got an A+ in my neurodivergent masking abilities, I'm gonna let you in on a phrase that's basically a life hack for establishing certain boundaries:

'God has called me.' No seriously, hear me out. This isn't a conservative Christian hype post, it's about how to use the language of conservative Christians to your own ends.

Example 1: Instead of "I'm asexual, I'm not interested in sex," try "God has called me to celibacy." Also works if you're married and the two of you aren't planning on having kids, regardless of if you're actually having sex or not.

Example 2: You're aromantic or have preferences other than straight but aren't in a place where that's safe to admit to: "God has called me to singleness." This also works if you are straight but just aren't in the space to date at the moment.

Example 3: You're going somewhere that might raise some eyebrows but you really want to go to because these are Your People? "God has called me to minister at [place you want to go]." I recommend ministering with the Songs of Solomon (because if you turn your head ever so slightly to the left, they are so much hornier than you'd expect).

Again, this isn't about being a good Christian, or even actually believing in God; it's about framing your truths and experiences in a way conservatives understand and respect. It's about hiding in plain sight during a time where it's even less safe for the LGBTQ+ community than it already was, and being able to establish certain boundaries for yourself in safe ways. It's about saying your truth in ways they'll actually hear.

Also, if you're in a place where people commonly talk about Bible verses and such, I recommend John 11:35 and/or Genesis 9:13 to claim as your personal fav.

John 11:35 "Jesus wept."

It's the shortest verse in the entire bible, and I honestly do like this one a lot. Weeping is something typically done when you can do nothing else. It is heartbreak, frustration, despair, utter and helpless sorrow. And I like the idea of a son of god/prophet/guy doing his best to establish change being characterized as able to weep; it indicates that there is an understanding of these emotions, and thus the potential for empathy and compassion for those who also experience them.

Genesis 9:13 "I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth."

It's from the end of the Noah story, God's promising not to flood the world again, no matter what humans do from this point on, because he's decided that that was an excessive reaction on his part. An indication that, while all-knowing and all-powerful, he's still capable of error. More importantly, rainbow cameo.

Anyway, hope this is useful to someone out there, and that everyone's staying as safe as possible in these never-ending Historical Events.

EDIT!!!

@ellipsiswears #raised in church disclaimer: that was not what the rainbow after the flood meant#one of the fundamental tenets of Christianity is that God is perfect does not err#so I recommend not saying that to a Christian unless you're ready for a Discussion#stay safe y'all

^Very important addition! I got a little lost in the sauce of personal interpretation and ways that verse could be read! I did grow up nominally Christian, but neither I nor anyone in my direct family are fundamentalist. And the church that I was with the longest and that my parents still attend from time to time is constantly on the cusp of being kicked out of our denomination for being 'too liberal.' Stay safe, do what research you're comfortable with, and don't be afraid to fact-check me and others like me; we are well-intentioned, but still fallible.

Please feel free to add to this thread with more information and suggestions regarding this topic, in the notes, in the tags, by adding to the thread proper, whatever. This isn't a topic or strategy I've seen discussed anywhere else, and I want people who might benefit from it to have it!

.

(Also, to be clear on the perspective I'm coming from, my own personal belief system boils down to "I firmly believe that there is something Big and Good out there, and there are many correct ways to connect with it and many proper names for it.")

[onyxbird]

[Image description 1: Tweet by “Elon Musk @elonmusk” reading:
“Reuters was paid millions of dollars by the US government for ‘large scale social deception’. That is literally what it says on the purchase order! They’re a total scam. Just wow.”

Image description 2: Tweet by “Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump” reading: “DOGE: Looks like Radical Left Reuters was paid $9,000,000 by the Department of Defense to study ‘large scale social deception.’ GIVE BACK THE MONEY, NOW!”

/end descriptions] Unfortunately, I think a lot of their "die-hard fans" are getting their news from their Tweets/social media or, if they follow actual news outlets, ones that parrot Trump's talking points without criticism. It's easy to ignore their claims getting immediately fact-checked if you never look at the platforms doing the fact checks.

I know someone who grew up in a conservative area with (still-)conservative family who has been posting thoughtful, well-informed commentary on FB about various aspects of what Trump and Musk are doing and why it's harmful, and his patience for responding to some of the comments is nothing short of saintly. Some of the commenters are clearly just working from a vastly different knowledge base (probably Trump-y echo chamber) and genuinely wanting to hear why he feels differently. Others I'd want to block based on just their viciousness in their comments on a single post directed at someone else. Meanwhile, this guy is sweetly telling them it's good to hear from them (clearly people he knows but has little communication with) and asking how they are, kindly and rationally elaborating on why he takes the position he does and what kind of sources he's looking at, and refusing to give any credence to their nasty views. (He often ties it into a Christian perspective of caring for others, etc., because he's Christian, and I'm sure most of the people in his comments identify as such as well, and emphasizes how things like USAID promote US interests, since that's what the "America First" crowd is focused on.)

I don't have the platform or the patience to manage that kind of discussion without losing my temper or just dropping the rope to protect my own mental health, but I'm grateful he does and has the stomach for it. I doubt he's going to convince the really entrenched and vicious ones (though, maybe--people have come back from holding truly awful views before). But he's probably reaching people aren't seeing (or are dismissing) the credible news sources pushing back on Trump's narrative, but know him as the intelligent, passionate, and deeply kind person he is and therefore have to consider, at least a little bit, whether his framing of what's going on is accurate.

In case you didn't hear this one, the U.S. government paid a cybersecurity company called Reuters to study "large scale social deception," such as misinformation spread by hackers, and how to combat it. This contract is public information. The two guys who currently control all our lives here in America heard about this, and immediately believed it was a contract with the news website Reuters to create "large scale social deception." They literally believed the federal government paid a news website to spread liberal lies and that this payment was labeled "NEFARIOUS SCHEME MONEY." Naturally they both tweeted about this to the whole country before double checking what it actually was, have not issued a correction and obviously never ever will. And here's the kicker, in case this didn't already demonstrate how fucking stupid and dangerously unhinged these losers are: The contract was made in 2018. Under Trump.

Genuinely how can even their most die-hard fans not at least begin to question their choices when they do shit this embarrassing and ridiculous every fucking day.

[utilitycaster]

Do you think campaign 3 suffered a bit too much from the chaotic neutral/stupid "it's what my character would do!!" mentality from the PCs? As someone who both DMs and plays, when I'm a player I always try to exhibit a serious interest in the story my DM is trying to tell no matter what I'm playing, because I KNOW how much time and effort it takes to DM a long form campaign. It feels like Matt tried to give them an inch and they took a mile. Like I know they're friends, but if that was *my* group I was DMing for I'd straight up be pissed about how they were interacting with the story (I mean I probably would've scrapped it halfway through but I also know that wasn't an option for Matt).

I actually disagree and in retrospect, put the bulk of the issues in Campaign 3 on Matt; not so much in an accusatory way so much as a "I think you really needed to take an extended break before this story and have put much more effort."

It is very true that you can have players who don't want to play the story you are telling, and that's on them; however, that is only the player's fault when they were given guidance on the campaign/got the vibe of the table and refused to listen. I've been really vocal in the past about that one D&D post that goes around in which someone talks about playing a nonviolent cleric who resurrects everyone the party kills because it's like...my own belief that if you want nonviolent D&D you actually want a TTRPG that isn't combat-focused aside, this isn't what your table wants and you are actually being more of an asshole by going against the table's vibe than by doing pretend violence. However, for example, I run Netherdeep and I play in a game inspired by but not specifically Curse of Strahd, and this is vital information that I shared with my players/was shared with me by my DM prior to character creation. If I hadn't told my players anything other than "make a character from Wildemount" and they had developed an extensive backstory on the Menagerie coast that they expected me to run with, and instead the story was about following the path of an amulet to an entirely different part of the continent and then a different continent altogether? They'd be right to be confused and annoyed! A big part of the problem is I can't fault people for playing their characters when they spent the first 30-ish episodes unaware for sure that this was The Moon Campaign and probably the first 50-ish episodes unaware that this was Exclusively The Moon Campaign. That's a quarter to a third of the campaign of playing and developing a character without the intent of being in this very specific game! I posted about Fearne last week, and honestly, despite how fucked over she was by the narrative she became one of my favorite characters for that reason, ie, I do think Ashley played her truthfully and in a compelling way.

So actually I find the opposite is true. I think a lot of the cast came to the table in good faith and found that the effort they'd put into backstories with compelling hooks for what they were told would be a pulpier and deadlier campaign was largely abandoned in favor of a moon plot that was neither. If I were a player, I would be pretty annoyed at the DM! I think the cast tried their best to engage with a plot that was very much not designed around most of their characters and/or demanded very specific things from their characters that were not what they had envisioned, and were given insufficient guidance to boot. I do agree that ideally they would have had some kind of mid-campaign realization and subsequent discussion and perhaps, if not scrapped it, at least maybe decided to play different characters voluntarily, or otherwise amicably divided "The Story Of Bells Hells" and "The Moon Plot That Was The Driving Purpose Of Campaign 3" into two separate works.

I think something important that came up in the criticism of C3 and the pushback as well is that amount of effort does not mean something is necessarily good and worthwhile; sometimes a meticulously plotted campaign concept into which the DM put tons of effort is just not what the players wanted nor were prepared for, and that does to me mean it's not as good as an off the cuff minimal prep West Marches campaign if that's what everyone at the table wanted. You should be respectful of the DM's effort and recall they are a player; but part of that is saying "hey, I feel like I'm lost and that this story really isn't what I expected, can we regroup?" No one is, to be clear, an asshole or villain here, and there are a number of complicating factors throughout the story; but I do think Matt not prepping the players is the singular biggest issue with C3, and most of the issues with the finale were his as well.

[blueboyluca]

I want to talk about the most recent episode of the podcast Not Another Dog & Pony Show. I am almost hate-listening at this point, and this episode really manages to encapsulate for me the phenomenon of so-called progressives laundering conservative talking points. Conservatism wants dialogue framed in certain ways because it maintains the facade of having "balance" when in reality this is just an ongoing effort to constantly move the Overton window to the right. Any progressive discussion is a threat to conservatism, it doesn't matter what the subject is. We just happen to be talking about animal training.

There are three main issues I have with this episode but before I even get there, I have to say that these are not serious people. Both these hosts are extremely shallow in their analysis of pretty much every subject they bring up. I don't expect genius, but I do expect more than this. I think that listeners (including me) want this podcast to be more than it is, but in its tenure so far all I've heard are missed opportunities and facile discussions.

My first issue is "cancel culture". Lauren in particular is really caught up in this idea of cancel culture and is of the opinion that animal trainers in the positive reinforcement world are afraid to say what they really think for fear of backlash. I wish I could laser beam into people's brains this episode of In Bed With the Right. In it, Adrian Daub explains that cancel culture is just a way of trying to shoehorn a million different issues under a single nebulous umbrella. Each example of "cancel culture" has its own individual details, you can't just lump all these things together. Using this cancel culture framework is reductive and unhelpful and most probably clouding the underlying problems.

In the episode I linked above, someone accuses Adrian of being flippant and claims that cancel culture is real. Adrian explains:

I'm saying the cases and the difficulties and the awkwardness and the problems you describe are real. But I think the moment you group them in that way, I think there are certain things that fall under the table... There's something already falling out of the discussion by the time you've committed to saying there is this one thing called cancel culture. But we can probably say you already gave a good list of things that you feel leery about. And I think if you just stick with that list, you're actually much better off.

I think if these podcast hosts actually talked out each instance of "cancel culture" that bothers them, we would actually be talking about a large number of different things that are not necessarily connected. And why don't they have that conversation? Because instead they're caught up in this idea that it's all exactly the same thing happening again and again, but it's not.

My second issue is "echo chambers". The other host of this show, Matthias, is preoccupied with this idea of echo chambers and is once again striving for some kind of "balance" between views. Conservatism must be absolutely stoked that progressives have taken up this mantle. I was actually physically relieved when I recently heard Big Joel give an alternative perspective on this "echo chamber" thing.

We’re exposed to the craziest shit all day every day now. Has it made our politics better? Has it depolarised [the USA]? Has Twitter being overtaken by Nazis made us more clever or thoughtful or open-minded people? No, it’s ruined us. It’s ruined our brains. I’m a centrist on the echo chamber. I think debate is important, but this constant "you need to open your mind" thing – I don’t know, maybe. Maybe we do, maybe we don’t. "Echo chambers" sounds really bad, but "community" is another word you might have for echo chamber. A space where people who are like-minded communicate with each other and where certain ideas are broadly accepted is another way of defining "echo chamber".

I don't think it's important, worthwhile or necessary to give my time to listening to "the other side". I'll get to the sides thing soon, but on a base level I do not agree with the premise that I need to listen to stuff I actively disagree with to make myself morally balanced. I don't even agree where the supposed "centre" between these positions is! I don't think that surrounding myself with progressive voices means that I am suddenly blind to problems. And no community is ever an echo chamber anyway, people don't agree with each other all the time on everything, even when there is broad agreement. Broad agreement doesn't mean total agreement.

And my last issue is, every episode just seems to come back to "balanced" vs positive reinforcement. I agree with Sarah Stremming here – this is a false dichotomy. If there are "sides" they are animal training that is kind and effective, and animal training that is not. And when some people insist on framing it as balanced vs positive reinforcement, it's just bypassing the truth. It's reducing everything down to just: cancel culture, echo chamber, side vs side. It's so empty! Talk less, say more! What is with the reluctance to unpack any of this stuff? Say what you want to say with your whole chest.

I don't think it's true that positive reinforcement trainers are afraid to talk about punishment, negative reinforcement or certain training tools. Enrichment for the Real World has an episode about e-collars. Susan Friedman talks about negative reinforcement all the time. Cog Dog Radio has talked about punishment plenty during its run. Maybe the problem isn't "echo chambers" maybe your world is just small.

Using this framing is perpetuating it. It's letting this be the status quo for how we view the world. But it doesn't have to be. We can be capable of pulling things apart until we get to the truth. Conservatism wants to polarise everything, it wants to reduce everything to a black and white view. If we keep doing this, we're just remaking the world in the same image over and over again. We don't have to do that.

[vir-tanadahl]

Uh… so here’s the thing. I feel like my post about empowering readers to better spot possible AI-generated text was made in good faith—as an attempt to:

Encourage readers not to put people’s fics into AI detectors, which are not only unreliable but also collect that data and possibly sell that data, most likely to improve AI generation programs like ChatGPT.

Help people actually learn how these AI programs work and how to critically read and evaluate text themselves.

Encourage people to reach out to author's directly in a way that is respectful to ask questions.

It wasn’t meant to stir drama—it was meant to push for a more productive, informed approach.…as well as a genuine desire to reduce the fear and uncertainty for writers like myself in the community.

This whole situation has made so many of us anxious about sharing our work, and I just wanted to offer something that might help rather than add to the panic.

And… uh… that group’s response was to:

Calculate the total word count of my fics without actually looking at the original posting dates.

Actively search for examples of poor writing that matched what I described in my post meant to empower people to learn more about the naunces of AI detection...

Use all of that to claim that because I’m afraid of being accused of AI, I must be hiding something…

And then, make a call-out post tearing into my objectively poor writing based on what they have now deemed as 'adequate evidence'....

…I'm starting to get the sense that only some of us actually want to address AI usage in the community while also being supportive of those who actually contribute to the community. Others just seem to be looking for an excuse to scare, criticize, and be unkind to people under the guise of "concern."

Updated to add:

If someone’s takeaway from my posts is that I’m saying “don’t talk about AI use” instead of “hey, let’s address this without being complete dicks to everyone,” I genuinely don’t know what to tell you.

If acknowledging the fear writers are feeling and pointing out the mixed and inconclusive results from AI detectors, the fact these detectors collect the data you input to improve LLMs, and pushing for a more constructive conversation is somehow being twisted into fear-mongering or discouraging discussion about AI’s growing presence, then that’s on them, not me.

[fierceawakening]

Hell, if they want to hate on everyone who isn’t feminine they’ll do that too. I disagreed with someone once and was told I must have “butch privilege” and not understand most women’s experiences because I’m seen as “one of the guys.”

(I think there CAN be a time and place for discussing how different presentations can affect how people are treated, but I think an environment where no one is allowed to mention bad experiences they’ve had because people fear their masculinity is not that place.

If you can’t talk about that, you can’t have a real conversation about the whole thing.)

Yeah probably if you haven't lived the life of a trans man seeing people go "I don't like when people joke about hating men" or something along that line, it probably sounds mra ish.

But in my everyday life, people only address me as a man when they are using it to insult me. I forgot to do XYZ? That's me being a dumb man. I'm talking too long? I'm mansplaining. Etc etc. These are the only times in my real life that people will address me as a man. That's why we use the term 'malgendering', that's why many hate those "trans inclusive misandry" jokes. Because that's the only thing people are trans inclusive in.

[tragedy-of-commons]

step away.

── alhaitham x gn!reader

summary: You seek a reprieve from what is considered "normal".

contains: modern au, nebulous work setting, alcohol discussed but no one actually gets drunk, word vomit, coworkers, implied autistic reader

word count: 2.0k

notes: idk where this came from. uh. reader's relationship with him warrants closer inspection. hehe

The venue wasn’t anything extraordinary, but it was still a far cry from your normal. 

A strip of hospitality suites and conference rooms connected by carpeted hallways, staffed by burly, tired security guards stoically trying to coexist with the raucous speakers. Their bass-driven reverberations could be heard even a floor above, where guests try even now to settle down in their hotel rooms. 

Or, alternatively, said hotel rooms are empty, vacated by their denizens - which happen to mostly consist of your coworkers; a sizable lot are still inside, partaking in drunken karaoke - or even worse - social niceties. 

That was one of the catches to this whole trip: you were brought in here for work. 

Suffice to say, these things have never been your scene. The noise is always borderline unbearable, you’re expected to clean up and burn valuable gas money (that’s not comped like the rooms are - tax write-off it is then), and you always feel so dreadfully out of place, no matter your role in the event. 

Speaking of, the whole reason you bothered showing up in the first place is because you were tasked with the responsibility of giving a concise, edifying lecture on ���any topic of your choice”. 

Talk about a fool’s errand. When the memo was unceremoniously dropped into your inbox, you almost laughed, because it sounded like an assignment reminiscent of your highschool Speech 101 class (required credit).

Not to mention, everyone comes to these functions to get drunk - save for you and a certain someone - so preaching to your subordinates and superiors about anything would just result in syrupy laughter and jeering anyway, regardless of the speech’s content. 

Or just eerie silence, because you’ve never been a team player. You’ve been told that your resting bitch face is pretty strong. 

To put it simply: asking you to give a lecture at this gala was frivolous, unnecessary, and of no benefit to you. You even complained as much up the ladder, but you were only passed back down the telltale chorus of a thousand crickets. 

And then, right after, a branch-wide email was sent out tacking on the (apparently unimportant) detail of Oh, sorry, we forgot to mention it, but your holiday bonuses will be awarded at the eastern banquet hall. If you don’t attend, you’ll still get them, but it’ll take four weeks for them to be mailed out. Happy fucking holidays.

The reasons to go were, unfortunately, plentiful - and stacked against you, leaving you dejected and packing your bags like you were going off to war, never to return. But, thankfully, there was one silver lining culled from the tipped scale.

You and your partner, Alhaitham, are employed at the same practice. 

Sure, this feat makes commuting easier, and so does coordinating vacation days and leisure time to align with both of your needs as they evolve - but it also meant, then, that you could drag him along. It meant that you didn’t have to be miserable alone, faced with the challenge of I don’t want to do this, I’d rather quit than do this, and finally, I’d rather burn in hell than do this.

And it wasn’t particularly hard to convince him. Nostalgically juvenile parties with people he couldn’t care less about aren’t his scene either, far from it - but he wasn’t required to give a lecture. He could leave anytime he pleased, trekking back up to the hotel room and enjoying its free amenities for a night, book in hand. 

“We aren’t hurting financially. I’m able to wait for my bonus,” he’d initially reasoned with you, clearly uninterested. “If you’re attempting to entice me, I’d rescind avarice as a potential motivator.” 

Quickly, you’d changed your tune, deflating. “I’d—I’d really like you there. For moral support, I mean. If I have to brave these fuckwads alone, I’ll end up burnt out and crabby for a week, at least.”

Alhaitham had spared you a glance then, satisfied with your candor. “Alright.”

Then, you kissed him on the cheek while he tried to tamp down the quirk of his lip, and life dragged on until the fateful day (of reckoning). 

The drive was hellish, thanks to everyone and their mother pulling into the city for some kind of convention or another - hundreds of cars crammed into the same, discordant business district. You took up the mantle of getting both of you there on time, which was a lot harder than it should’ve been. The GPS mischievously led you astray multiple times, the robotic narration dominating most of the ride. But in the end, you wrangled the dependable SUV en route. 

(Hayi napped for most of the trip. You’re grateful for that; you don’t think you could’ve lived down your nonexistent sense of direction while he was conscious. He usually drives you around anyway…)

With that, you settled into the parking garage with little issue. Loading luggage up onto a cart and checking in wasn’t that notable, either, but you did shut down mid-conversation with one of the affable front desk ladies, and your partner had to tie up the loose ends regarding payment in your stead. 

You remember his voice, a tinge lower from sleep, hurrying things along in that no-nonsense tone you’ve grown so fond of. 

You remember his voice so well because that’s when your nerves started to act up.

The room was up to par, boasting two queen-sized beds, a bathroom, and the standard compact living area. At that point, he definitely began to catch on, his verdant eyes pointedly fixated on the tremulous fumbling of your keycard or the methodical yet neurotic way you unpacked your things. 

It’s the little things that define a relationship.

“You’re truly not obligated to go,” he’d reminded you, practically roosting, posture ramrod straight yet relaxed against a chair. It’s crazy how much you were able to discern from just a single glance - you could practically see the criticisms Alhaitham had about the desk set’s quality and comfortability, all of it in the minute misgivings of his features. 

The way he was looking at you then - only a select few people could’ve placed it as soft - you being among those select few. He’d aptly continued, “Everyone will be three sheets to the wind. You and I both know that no one will be patrolling, making sure you give a sanitized pep-talk on the importance of a strong work ethic.”

“I know,” you’d sighed, flitting back and forth between the modest closet and the innards of your suitcase resting supine on your claimed bed. “But we’re already here, and I know Setaria saw us down at reception.”

“So?”

“She’s gonna ask a lot of questions if I flake at the last minute.”

“Let her. You’re stressing yourself out over practically nothing - consider that.”

You remember groaning and then collapsing onto his neighboring bed, lamenting his damnable sensibility. Deciding to heed his reassurance, because it was reassurance (you know this nerd like the back of your hand), you bit the bullet and got ready anyway, leaving your partner to his own devices.

Everything after that blurred together. You left Alhaitham in room 330, trundling in and out of elevators and through elaborate corridors - the catacombs that led you to the banquet hall was just a prelude of confusion and adversity. For most of the party’s duration, you could barely hear yourself think (as expected), but wondrously, no one paid you enough mind to strike up conversation. One glance at your laminated, nametagged lanyard was enough to scare them off.

The catering job was nothing to sneeze at either. Under strobe lights and through your acute, unpleasant vertigo, you saw many dishes and hors d’oeuvres divided among tables that you couldn’t bother visiting or taking a closer look at. 

It was too loud, too uncomfortable - as most things are for you.

It’s exactly 11:32 in the evening when you step away from the party. 

The main hall sectioning your practice’s festivities off into rooms diverges a number of ways; a left here, you end up in the lobby. A right there, and you end up in an outlet mall meant to eke as many purchases out of trashed vacationers as possible. But a combination of the two directions leads you to the hotel gardens.

Stepping out into the mouth of the retreat, your lips part in awe. It’s not very big, the whole area spanning about two conference rooms. But there are maintained, lush beds of flowers outlining a small gazebo, the structure illuminated by a few lanterns bolted to its latticework. 

In the midst of so much business, it’s almost a little startling to come across a safe haven from social affairs - something entirely pulled together by the absence of humanity and the abundance of nature. 

Your feet ache. Immediately, you ascend the rustic staircase up into the gazebo. Its steepled ceiling and observation railings warmly welcome you. Deciding to rest your elbows and stare transfixed at the greenery, propped up and mentally checked out, your thoughts take an aimless journey.

Why exactly are you here?

It’s not because of any holiday bonus, not really; you wouldn’t have stepped away from the party if you were dead set on extra money. Are you here because you want to grow closer with your colleagues? Hell no, especially since bringing yourself to go to work everyday is such a challenge in its own right.

You think you’re here because you want to feel normal. 

That’s not to say you crave all the trimmings of a conventional work-life balance. No, you don’t want to keep up with friendships you don’t care about. No, you don’t want to know the origins of every inside joke in painstaking detail. What you want, really, is to have your cake and eat it too; you want to experience being a social butterfly without the commitment it comes with, for one night, just to see if it’s all it’s cracked up to be.

That’s why you’re here. And no, it’s not it’s all cracked up to be. Probably. You’ll never truly know, because this experience is one lacking the aforementioned commitment, but the taste you were given was sour on your tongue. You didn’t like it. 

It’s not… you. This is not your scene, and you knew that going in. Stupid. 

Truthfully, you didn’t even prepare any notes for your presentation. Maybe, deep down, you knew you wouldn’t be able to get through the night, pretending to be something you’re not. The way tonight has unfolded makes you giddy with irony, bursting at the seams with self-awareness.

You cup your hand over your mouth and laugh, snickering quietly to yourself in the solitude of the gardens.

At least you didn’t commit so much as to hit up the bar, stuttering out an order that makes no sense and unwisely pounding back a glass to feel, uh, normal-er. No, that’s something you’d do a few years ago, when you used to masquerade around a lot more, to feel normal. That’s a win in your book. 

You’re not the same person you used to be, even if doubts emerge and make you do things you normally wouldn’t. You’re still young and figuring it all out.

Suddenly, your phone pings twice. You vehemently shake your head, awakening from your stupor, then fishing the device out of your pocket, squinting at the way your home screen lights up. It wholly ruins the natural and introspective essence this sanctuary has, but oh well. 

The texts materialize and hover over your wallpaper - which happens to be a sentimental photo of you and Alhaitham, your arm obnoxiously slung around his shoulder while he stares into the camera, unamused but unwilling to shove you away. 

It’s the little things that define a relationship.

Hayi: When you’re finished wrapping up, it’d be in your best interest to hurry back.

Hayi: Your show is on. Though it’s the CN dub, I’d be happy to translate - the subtitles aren’t doing it justice.

…

You’re heading back up to room 330, everything else be damned. 

You: I’m coming. I love you <3

Hayi: I love you too.

[plasticfreckles]

🪶 job alternatives rookanis enjoy 🪶

"Have you ever wondered what you would do every day if you weren't a Crow?"

Lucanis shrugs. The motion makes him pull the wooden spoon from the pot a little too quickly, and some of the mushroom sauce splashes onto his waistcoat. He purses his lips, a wet sound from between his tongue and his teeth, as he dips his fingers into his water cup and keeps the stain wet.

"Living the quiet life while waiting for Caterina to marry me off, I suppose."

Bare, freckled arms wrap around him suddenly, blindly threading the buttons from their holes and sliding the waistcoat from his shoulders. Rook sits down on one of the bar chairs she pulls from the storage under the stairs, dipping a fabric brush into a wooden bowl full of soapwater balanced in her lap and scrubbing at the stain over her knee before it can dry.

How she got all of this to happen so quickly, he doesn't know.

She's always buzzing, Spite says, legs spread and arms around her waist as though he's sitting on the stool with her. Her hair cuts into - through - his face. Humming like a bee, a petted cat. Like sun on water and lights in Minrathous.

Lucanis frowns, and can hear Rook's question, even without looking at her, over the bubbling sauce and the salt-grilled meat, even before she says it. So he elaborates.

"Spite says he can hear the lights in Minrathous."

"You can't?" Her tone is confused enough, and earnest, so much so it makes him look up at her, her cheeky smile making rows of dimples in her skin. She was joking. He can't keep his own smile from his face, and that makes her snort.

Spite cackles, fingers clawing into Rook's belly so he doesn't fall from the chair. You believed! Rook can't hear lights. Can't hear Fade. Stupid Lucanis!

She stops scrubbing at the stain for a moment, regarding him quietly. If it were anyone else looking at him this intensely, it would make him so very uncomfortable.

"I meant, if it were just you. If you could do whatever you want."

"I never thought about that before. So much in my life has been decided for me."

Rook dips the brush in the soapwater again. Lucanis takes care to be slow, measured, when he transfers the pasta into the sauce. Rook wouldn't mind at all if he got more stains on himself and undressed his shirt, as well.

But then they would be neither talking nor eating, and at least one of them should make sure their bellies are filled.

"I think, maybe you'd have a Tavern. You'd get to cook all day, every day."

Therapist, Mother, Maid.

"Ah, but cooking is a hobby for me. Never pursure your hobbies for money, Rook."

"Well, people don't pay anyone to read or sleep. Or eat."

"There are food critics in this world. Food tasters, too." He cups his hand under the tasting spoon he leads to her mouth, to prove his point.

Good food. Good Rook. Better food makes better Rook. Rook is perfect as she is. You can make her perfecter! I don't need to. You COULD. Fine, I'll bite; what is she lacking in?

Spite pauses, looking at the way Rook's body dents under his fingers, her hair only barely not tickling in his nose.

She can't see me. I want to be seen. I want HER to see. I'll talk to Emmrich. PROMISE! Spite, I promise to talk to Emmrich about what can be done - after dinner. YES!

Rook is oblivious to their discussion, wrapping her lips around the whole spoon and humming, then snatching the spoon from him to steal another mouthful from the pan.

"Mmh, that's good. But you wouldn't want your Rook to go check if King Marcus is being poisoned once again, would you?"

"But you wouldn't be my Rook, would you?"

NO! No world without! Lucanis. Spite. Rook. Together. Match like ass to bucket. Spite wraps his arms around her tighter, like garrotting someone under their own weight rather than rope.

Lucanis reaches under Rook's thighs, grabs the stool and pulls her close. She shrieks in delight, abandons bowl, brush and waistcoat to the floor with little more than a careless shove from her lap.

"And if you weren't my Rook, then where would we be?" He kisses her big front teeth, because she breaks into a grin before he meets her lips.

-

"I mean, it's not like I had much of a choice in my career choice, either," Rook starts, answering a question he'd already forgotten between the simmering food, his demon rocking himself and their Rook so forcefully it makes the stool creak, and her sweet lips. Her fingers work to tuck his shirt back into his pants as he straightens up. "I'm told my father abandoned me at the bottom of the Chantry stairs, and the lay sister that found me sold me to Brother Benito."

"Why would an orphange buy orphans?' He prepares a small tasting plate for Rook; the longer it stays on the fire now, the more the flavor will infuse, and he wants to make sure it's the right flavor.

"To sell them off to the Crows and whorehouses for insane markup to feed the ones that won't sell." She shrugs, and some of the sauce drips off the plate and onto her pants. She doesn't notice.

"Or I would've become a market monger. Ugh, the horror." She shudders. "Did you overhear the poor girl in Dock Town the other day?"

"Remind me?"

"Outside the fancy bakery, who told her customer all the quiche flavors she had, twice."

"Ah, yes. With the little hand-written labels on everything."

"Yeah, and the customer pointed to the spinach one that said Spinach on the label, and asked which one that was, and she went, the spinach one, and the customer asked if there's spinach in it." She rubs circles into her temples in frustration, just from the memory of it. "I would've shoved it down their throat in one piece and told them to tell me."

Lucanis laughs.

"You would."

"So, I get it. I never thought about it, either. My employment perspective sucks any way you slice it - well." She pauses, and as she stands from the stool, to put it pack in its place and set the table, it almost looks like she's holding on to Spite for balance, almost like she's waiting for him to stand first.

"Maybe the whorehouse would've worked out okay; I like having sex."

And because she knows his mind, his heart and his soul, instead of going about her business, she leans against the countertop next to him, a hand on his elbow and turning his face to look at her.

She knows something she said troubles him, even with her back turned, only from sensing the way his troubles roll off his shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

There's no accusation, never accusations with her, only genuine interest and desire to help.

Speaking of these things are easier for him if he can pretend he's muttering to himself, so he puts his entire focus on moving the pasta around in the sauce with a flick of his wrist.

"Does it bother you?" He can barely hear his own words over the sizzling and swooshing of his cooking.

"Does what bother me?" Lucanis makes a face and a noise, and in his periphery, he can see the puzzle pieces assembling in Rook's mind. "What? No! Why would you - because I just said I enjoy having sex."

Her hand wraps around his, makes him put down pan and spoon. Pulls him to her chest, squeezes so tight he might burst like an overfull waterskin.

"I thought - well, I've heard people describe my speed as, slow. Annoingly slow."

"To your face?" He shakes his head. The motion makes her earrings chime as they brush against one another.

"Don't wor- try not to worry about this, all right?" She squeezes a kiss to his ear. "I enjoy secretly adding needless punctuation to Viago's letters, and I don't do that a whole lot, either. Everything's fine. At some point, we'll look at each other and all we'll want is to make each other feel good. I can wait for that point."

"You shouldn't have to constantly wait for me."

Her left hand lifts from his ribs, then a scratch: shaking the pan so the food doesn't burn. Her right hand holds on to him all the tighter.

"Your feelings in this matter more than mine, Lucanis." She hears him inhale, feels his chest shift against hers with his expanding lungs. Instead of gripping, her right hand turns to lightly patting against his spine. "I know what that sounds like. I didn't say my feelings don't matter. What I mean is, we'll go at the pace you feel comfortable with, because this is new for you. And that's okay."

She readily accepts him, once he gathers his courage and moves back up to kiss her, both hands on his jaws, her shoulders, tipping her back over the countertop, her bottom lip escaping him only when a stray thought breaks her into a grin.

"I have two hands and ten fingers; I'll manage."

SEE? She does it! I told you!

They laugh and kiss and are so enveloped inside of their cocoon that he almost doesn't hear the heavy doors push open, a low-pitched gross is shoved into the air, and the doors pull back closed.

Rook, already grabbing him by the collar and pulling him back over her arched back, laughs so hard he kisses teeth instead of lips.

🪶

powered by me hating my job 😊

this then escalated immensely lol

[~rina]

@chubritza im not gonna call this a tag list lmao but i know you want to see things <3

[scoobydoodean]

sorry for dropping this into your askbox but someone compared dean going off with sam to hunt (and promising lisa to come back iirc???) was treating ben the same way that john abandoned him a lot as a child. head in hands. one time ben called him and said that lisa was doing badly and dean rushed back to make sure she was okay. john never did that for dean even when he was Literally dying.

We sometimes forget there was more to John than extended absences. His neglect is undoubtably a large part of what harmed Sam and Dean growing up, but when John was around, he wasn't necessarily aloof and distant—he could actually be overbearing and paranoid. Case in point: He didn't want Sam to go to school because he was worried he wouldn't be able to protect him (we are told this as early as 1.08, and John himself admits it to Sam in a vulnerable moment in 1.20). Dean also mentions this about John in 6.02 (quoted below).

Dean is explicitly worried about turning into John in 6.02, but it's in a way where whatever he chooses (whether to stay or go), he feels like he'll reflect parts of John's negative behavior, and it leaves him feeling terrible and stuck. If he leaves, he's afraid he'll be abandoning Ben and Lisa (reflecting his father's harmful absences). If he stays, he's scared someone looking to hurt him will find Lisa and Ben, or that his own trauma and stress over the possibility of that happening will turn him into someone so paranoid about their safety that they can't have normal experiences (which is again, reflective of John).

Dean quickly realizes that he can't figure out how to relax after the djinn showing up in 6.01. He and the Bradens move, but something has shifted for Dean psychologically in the aftermath. This is kind of skirted around, but the simple fact of the matter is that Dean has PTSD, and the djinn showing up was extremely triggering for him. We know from his dialogue in 6.01 that Dean really did not feel well mentally for the first several months he was with Lisa and Ben. We also know Dean is ashamed of this (though Lisa does not resent him for it). I think Dean was scared of returning to that place and the shame and guilt he felt about his own mental health around that period, but those concerns are coupled with—again very explicitly—the fear of reflecting his own father's paranoia. In 6.02, Dean doesn't want Ben to ride his bike around the new neighborhood and doesn't want them to all go out for dinner. Dean realizes that his paranoia is a problem very quickly and has a discussion with Lisa about it and how he doesn't want to be a negative presence in their lives because of his own trauma and stress.

DEAN: I don't know what to do here, Lis. I mean, if I knew for sure what the safest thing was, then I'd do it. Stay here and look after you guys or get as far away as I possibly can, but I don't know. And I get what I've been doing lately, you know, what with the yelling and the acting like a prison guard. It's just, that's not me. You tell yourself you're not gonna be something, you know? But my dad was exactly like this. All the time. It's scaring the hell out of me.

I've talked before about how Dean is being dishonest with himself and Lisa as far as yelling at Ben, but that aside... it's here that Lisa tells Dean he should start hunting again, and come and see them when he can. It's really tragic, because Dean's options are so limited. Dean can't see a psychologist. He does not have access to the kind of healthcare he needs. He is scared that he is at least emotionally—a net negative influence on Ben's development. He can't handle staying because of that and he also doesn't want to abandon them because then what if that's worse or they get hurt because he wasn't there? So Lisa tells him to go.

LISA: Okay. Okay, but you also want to be there. I get it. You're white-knuckling it living like this. Like what you are is some bad, awful thing. But you're not. But I'm not going to have this discussion every time you leave. And this is just going to keep happening, so I need you to go. DEAN: I can't just lose you and Ben. LISA: That's not what I'm saying. DEAN: You're saying hit the road. LISA: Dean, if there's some rule that says this all has to be either/or, how about we break it? Me and Ben will be here, and you come when you can. Just come in one piece, okay? DEAN: You really think we can pull something like that off? LISA: It's worth a shot, right?

Dean's already skeptical at this point that they can make a long-distance relationship work, but they give it a shot. They break up three episodes later.

Btw Soulless Sam, in an effort to convince Dean to leave Lisa and Ben and come with him, had also suggested earlier in 6.02 that Dean staying with Lisa and Ben would turn him into John.

SAM: But moving them around? Keeping them on lockdown? I mean, you do have them on lockdown, right? How is any of that different from how we were raised? DEAN: So you're saying... I'm not shoving anybody into this life, okay? This is temporary. SAM: Dad always said it was temporary, Dean. He said it for 22 years. Look, I get it. You want to watch out for them. That's great. I'm just asking, how do you do that and not turn into Dad?

TL;DR Dean was mentally unwell and as far as "reflecting your dad's negative behaviors" was in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" type situation with no good options, and two different people told him to leave, and his own brother (who at the time he thought he could trust) told him staying is what would turn him into his father. It's sad to see Dean wrestling with all of that reduced down to cold criticism of him for being "like John" or being a "headcase". This kind of criticism of Dean is in our faces in the show of course, but I think we're supposed to get as viewers that this criticism in the mouths of different characters (including Dean) is not always fair or remotely compassionate enough. Dean is not kind to himself. He sometimes overstates/blows things he's done out of proportion to make them sound worse because he has a very bad self-image. Lisa's own insecurities are in play when she suggests Dean wants to go back to hunting with Sam. Soulless Sam also overstates Dean's negative influence on the Braendens (who we explicitly know from 6.08 he does not care about) so that he can get Dean to come with him. It ultimately feels very cruel to frame someone overtly suffering from PTSD as if they're some kind of evil poisonous monster/the harm-doer/exactly like the eeevil dad because they left and because they stayed too long often simultaneously. It will never not rub me the wrong way how the majority of the fandom behaves about this plot line.