#I want to erase this from my memory
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
a-rabid-snake · 3 months ago
Text
I just want to speak out about ship slugcat/iterator
If you don't agree with me, guys, of course you can condemn me, but think about whether what you are doing is good
now, even if slugcat is going to be a humanization, I still don't consider it normal
Dude, it's just not okay. In my opinion, it's even immoral.
Ship slugcat/iterator are just terrible, I've said it all
14 notes · View notes
lokh · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
(ch 40 spoilers) au where qifrey erases olruggios memories one too many times and he forgets qifrey and ONLY qifrey
sometimes using forbidden magic that no one really knows how to wield anymore comes with unintended consequences!
eventually qifrey comes upon a solution, but it will return ALL his memories to him. will he risk it...?
1K notes · View notes
kugisakiss · 11 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
the rite of passage for any sibling relationship is lying to each other
404 notes · View notes
ghostorbz · 3 months ago
Text
Let's talk about the flipside
Tumblr media
Something I actually,,, really don't wanna do!! But I will anyway. This game turned out so fucking bad its actually ridiculous. First off,, what went wrong?
For me, it was:
-The stories
-The endings
-The characterizations
-All the feet?????
Spoilers for basically the whole game, by the way. Not that you should subject yourself to this. Trigger warning for like,, everything???
Let's start off with the stories and endings
OD ending:
Jecka has a major panic attack because of her,,, "job" and Nicole and ends up over dosing. Voluntarily.
Human trafficking ending
Jecka gets put into human trafficking by the police when all she wanted was her paycheck, her manager and somewhat friend Kelly dies.
Jeffery murder ending
Nicole murders Jeffery and she forces Jecka to not call the police by threatening her.
Ari dies ending
While drunk driving Jecka crashes into Ari while she's delivering food and she dies. Ari does, not Jecka.
Nicole's suicide ending
A tie in with the first game. Nicole gets stuck in hostage friendships while Jecka is forced to date her teacher for a good grade. She goes to in school therapy for it. Her heavily abusive dad finds out and Jecka runs to Nicole's house to find her dead.
First off, what does EVERY ending have? Jecka suffering. Suffering horribly. Rather from someone/herself dying, being abused, or just straight up depression.
Let's compare these endings with some of Nicole's endings
Nicole dies, Nicole sabotages a relationship, Nicole gets people to die, Nicole causes a girl's house to get burnt down, Nicole wins a court case, Nicole gets her house back, Nicole gets valedictorian. Of course this is only a small portion out of the two games. But notice how good things happen to Nicole in some endings? In some cases the bad endings feel justified because of how Nicole treats people, but not all of them are bad. Sure, some of them aren't deserved. My point is Nicole has good things happen to her along with the bad things.
Flipside has none of that. Jecka suffers nonstop despite doing nothing in every single ending. She isn't happy in any ending. Nothing turns out for her!!! We see time and time again how Nicole gets things to work for her whether she manipulates it or not. Nicole can have happiness. But Jecka can only suffer. A teenage punching bag. This girl has done nothing wrong to deserve anything she gets put through.
Tumblr media
Why is this??? Literally, what was the reason for this
All of the endings fucking suck. I hate all of them. But enough about that, let's move on to the characters
Characterization
Jeckas dad
On the surface he's a kind guy who donates to charity. But he consistently verbally (possibly physically?) abuses Jecka for no reason. Literally nothing can set him off. A flip of the switch type of abuser. We haven't seen Jeckas dad prior to this game, but it's evident he sucks. I'd say he's way worse than Nicole's mom, at least she is sometimes nice and tries to help out. Jeckas dad blows all his money on Emily (a teenager who went to Jeckas school), forces Jecka to get a job and verbally belittles her if she ever says anything to him. Everytime he speaks to Jecka her first response is "don't hit me." Is this supposed to be fnnuy? We see Jecka have full blown sob sessions and panic attacks because of him. If it is supposed to be fnnuy it isn't. It's just sad and scary. There is nothing comedic about the abuse Jecka goes though in these scenes.
Nicole
They did Nicole's character horribly in this. We see Nicole share compassion for Jecka, she doesn't have that at all in this. Her betrayal was the worst for me. It just,,, seemed so out of character for her to do something like that. Nicole literally sacrificed her free school hours by getting in trouble with the predatory school councilor just for Jecka to be able to smoke in peace again. Nicole cares for her, calls her cool and pretty multiple times. She spends all her time with her, and even when she dies in the first game she says "I didn't know Jecka that well, but tell her she's cool for me." The betrayal ruined her character, hell it isn't even her character!! I don't like how she threatened Jecka when Nicole was the one who killed Jeffery. Speaking of, the way she acted with him seemed weird to. She can barely stand sitting near him in the first two games, and she did,, all,,,, THAT with him??? Bullshit. I see so many people say "but Nicole is a sociopath, she doesn't care about Jecka!" Um,,, yes she does? I mean it's pretty clear she does. Jecka is the only person Nicole really cares about. They wouldn't meet in every single route if Jecka wasn't important to Nicole in some way.
Jeffery
Jeffery is weirdly obsessed with Jecka in this game. Yes, we've seen him like and do weird things but not to this extent. He has never acted like this before?? Its like they reduced his good qualities and doubled up his weird ones. Which isn't a bad problem, but it makes his behavior visibly different in flipside.
Mr. Katz
Introduced in the Re up, this game turns him into the worse person ever. Last time all he did was drugs, now he's sexually harassing Jecka and verbally abusing her if she doesn't comply. Then threatening her with her grades. Since he was a minor character at best this could just be a different side of him we haven't seen but knowing how many pedos there already are in this game I don't get why they wouldn't introduce this or foreshadow it in the first two games.
Everyone else,,,
Everyone else seems to be fine, Emily, Ari, Kelly, Kylar, and Crispin to name a few. Thing is these are all side characters, sure they can be important in a few endings but for the most part they don't play a massive role in here besides Kelly and Emily.
This game was advertised as "same comedy, different girl." But there's no comedy in this game, only torture. Maybe Nicole was right when she said life was a sick hopeless game.
Tumblr media
Okay, lets talk about the feet.
So,,, what the fuck? What was all that about? This literally took up half of the game, not a fucking exaggeration. Was it really necessary? The devs couldn't think of anything else? They were all really dragged out, it felt like it would never end no matter how badly I wanted them to. I guess you could say this line in the first game was some sort of foreshadowing
Tumblr media
This feels like a very poorly disguised fetish. Like blanket ghost costume type poorly disguised. In fact, all of the endings feel unnecessary. Most of these have even more twisted endings than the first two games. What's up with that? It feels like they're trying to filter their audience to people who would actually enjoy doing that type of shit to people.
No, fuck I don't wanna talk about feet.
Here's some random things I want to critic but couldn't fit anywhere.
-The jeckari scene felt weirdly out of place. I could've been cut out and nothing would've changed. It wasn't necessary. Sorry jeckari fans
-What was up with the councilor? I don't mean his voice acting (it was definitely different though, right?) But he was kind of out of character. Like, he had a whole "I'm so important and mysterious (but not actually)" vibe going on. The fuck was up with the riddle? And having a whole fucking warehouse of illegal videos? Yes he's a predatory creep but I don't think he would go that far. Also pulling out a gun and shooting Kelly and almost Jecka felt so,,, what??? He wouldn't
I swear fandoms understand characters more than the creators
-Jeffery is just randomly rich? Out of nowhere? Okay. Whatevers convenient for the plot, I get it
-Why is EVERY single man attracted to kids in this game, it's overkill. Sure people like that exist but they aren't every single person you meet
-Super short, only 3 hours of gameplay. Not worth the $15. The first two games are way better, just get those. Not like this game is worth anyones time. The first game is only $10 for an hour or 2 of gameplay. The re up is $15 for 4 hours
-Nothing felt quotable. Maybe I just haven't seen it enough to memorize half the script but there weren't any lines where I was like "oh haha that's silly to say as a reference." The first two games were filled with quotable lines. Most of flipside is either something about feet or Jecka being abused
-The "thank you" note at the end of the game was kind of immature, I don't really want a thank you for this? Ummmm,, okaaayyyyy??
-You barely even get to play, it's mainly you just watching. The first two games have you actively choosing what to do. Flipside only makes you choose maybe twice
-The whole "They're 18 now!! Look at all the fucked up things we can do to them now!!" is really showing. Stop it. It's still weird
-This game is supposed to be post-graduation, but we still see Nicole and Jecka at school, multiple times. Jecka even says they aren't even in school anymore and yet you can still go back to high school? Yea, who gives a fuck about a timeline anyway,,,
Okay, but was there anything good?
Ehh,, I don't really know. I only laughed at one scene and that's saying a whole fucking lot for a comedy game. The first two games had me dying from laughter, but every single scene in the flipside just felt upsetting. Nothing was fnnuy.
I did enjoy very few things.
-The art has heavily improved. The visuals were nice when they weren't about feet or Jecka being abused
-The hatman scene was the only thing I laughed at, I liked it
-I got pretty excited when I saw that Jecka had an MSI poster in her room. I like MSI so it was a nice little surprise to see
-I liked the tie in with the first game ending. I wish we got to see more of Jeckas reaction after Nicoles death though
-I thought the whole "if god isn't watching, who is?" thing was kinda interesting. But having me listen to a whole monologue kinda killed it for me
-Class of 09 always had super good voice acting, and this doesn't change. All of Jeckas panic attacks sound super real
Overall, would I recommend this game? Absolutely not. I wouldn't even recommend this to an already fan of the series, much less tell someone to start out with flipside. Flipside isn't worth your time or money, it isn't even worth this whole post! That's why it's over
61 notes · View notes
g1ngerbeer · 5 months ago
Text
do you think they noticed a change, the first few loops. i think they did. because how could they not, cheng xiaoshi and qiao ling, the two closest friends lu guang has, seeing him walk out of the room through a camera shutter and re-enter changed. diminished, faded, sad, the worn and cracking face of an old photograph. more and more tired each time he dives, further and further back with each attempt. every time a failure. and even as he lets the tides of time weather him more - render him a ghost, it feels like sometimes - even as lu guang changes more and more from the person he used to be, so too does that moment of disconnect in his friends’ eyes shorten and fade. because they don’t know him anymore. the golden stretch of time he spends by their sides before it all goes wrong is sliced thinner and thinner with every photo he uses, his touch blurring the memory with blood. each time he fails they know him less - the first him, the one unburdened by the terrible knowledge he now holds and the weight of too many failures.
soon they will never have known him at all.
Because you would notice if your best friend time travelled from a horrible future, but not if he travelled back so far he erased the person he once was (the person you knew) (the person you loved, first. before you loved this newer-older transparent version, never knowing a difference.)
(and this too is a loss to be grieved, he thinks sometimes in the dead of night to the sound of soft breathing in the bunk below, selfishly. but it is worth it if cheng xiaoshi lives.)
(the death of everything lu guang ever was is worth it if it means cheng xiaoshi lives.)
114 notes · View notes
ectonurites · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Byler Week Day 5 — Secret Identities
very loosely interpreting the prompt for today but i've had this idea for a while and... secret identities, Superheroes, that works. anyone who knows me well probably could have seen something like this coming LMAO
also trying to draw Robin & Superboy costumes that look thrown together and home-made when i have spent so much time drawing their actual designs was a challenge
978 notes · View notes
faunandfloraas · 2 months ago
Text
*dipping shapes into vegemite* makes it a bit more fancy, yeah? 💀
38 notes · View notes
maya-caffrey · 1 month ago
Text
can we bring back procedurals? or at least just proper shows like how TV used to be? 5 to 15 seasons, a generous amount of episodes per season, 45 minutes: the sweet spot between too long and too short, pilot episodes that are wildly different from the rest of the show, filler episodes that overall contribute nothing but are extremely fun because that is what god intended, random musical episode, crossovers, waiting an entire week in anticipation to see what happens next, like, this was the PEAK of television, where did we go wrong
40 notes · View notes
thatonecrookedsmile · 4 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Although the poor working conditions and declining finances of Joey Drew Studios in its final years were public knowledge, it was what went on at the company after hours on the lower floors that would be the secret that Mister Joey Drew would carry with him until the very end of his life.
-Secret-
-----
By all accounts, this was only the third idea I had to think of for this prompt.
I originally thought of doing something about SOTM, because of "Secret", you know. Kind of an obvious direction, right? But since I had already made "Umbrella" SOTM-centric, I didn't want to repeat the game or the idea, I wanted something different from what I did for the last prompt. Then I thought of doing something with Wilson. Maybe tie it in with his audio log in Dark Survival. But I thought about this idea a little more and realized that in the end, I would just be rehashing an idea I had come up with a few months ago. Of course, it was a separate piece, not related to the event, but like I said, I didn't want to repeat past ideas. And I also didn't want to make a drawing that in the end would just be a redux of a drawing I had already done this year.
In the end, I went with the Ink Demon. Always draw the ink guy when nothing else comes.
And come to think of it, he fits the prompt well. "The head of this animation studio was responsible not only for the creation of ink monsters - one including a twisted, demonic version of the company's mascot - but also for the deaths of some of its employees (some correlating with the creation of these same monsters)" is something I would consider a secret. A big secret, at that.
I wanted to illustrate the day the demon broke free. We know he was locked away, and that he definitely ended up breaking free. How, I don't know. But he's the Ink Demon. He's That Guy, so I don't question it too much.
I don't think I'd consider this drawing to be "This is definitely how I imagine the Ink Demon breaking free." It was something I did on the spur of the moment. It might be similar, but it's not THE way I see it, you know. I don't know where or what Joey thought of locking this guy up, but considering the most dangerous thing the Ink Demon ever did in the beginning was "wander around the office" (going by his audio log), I didn't go for anything too big. A cell in a room deep in the basement is clearly enough for a being like this. It's not like he's capable of hurting anyone,right?
Well,it didn't work. He broke free. Which wouldn't be surprising.
After all, it takes more than a few metal bars and an old wooden door to stop a tyrant.
32 notes · View notes
ratatatastic · 5 months ago
Text
"Battle of Alberta, right? It was my first game: Calgary, Edmonton. We would play them in the preseason, and you know—trying to make the team I'd always be asking him to fight in preseason, always. I'd be runnin' my mouth—like, tryna fight the biggest, baddest guys, tryna make an impression.
And he would never fight me. He'd always tell me, like If you make the team, I'll fight ya. You don't have to worry about that, but I'm not fightin' ya preseason. And I totally respect it, I'm not gonna chase him down. It is what it is. He's established—I'm looking for my chance.
So I get called up, we're playing Edmonton in Edmonton: Battle of Alberta. [He's] over there on the other side, and it's like the coolest thing ever... you know, the buildup was crazy 'cuz I knew if the opportunity presented itself—if the game went the way I hoped it would, I would get an opportunity to fight him.
I remembered in warmups tryna skate by the redline initially just kind-of gettin' a feel for it—to see if I have to say something or whatever... He's got no bucket on, his big, bald head is glarin' around, he skates by the redline with the biggest smile on his face, and just gives me the biggest wink...
At that moment I knew Okay, he remembers. It's gonna happen at some point.
We were up 1, I think it was 2-1 going into intermission or whatever—Oh, no, I think it was 1-1 and we had just scored so the position I'm like Yeah, I don't know if I can fight him now because we have the momentum and we're winning the game. I don't want to lose a fight, then we lose a game and now I'm, like, never getting a chance again.
You kind-of gotta play the game within the game like [...] there's an opportunity to fight, and there's an opportunities where you shouldn't fight. Things weren't looking good, then they score and now we need a spark. I'm like Fucking perfect.
I just skate by their bench and I'm like It's time, big boy! He jumps out, we line up, and he goes We squarin' up or we goin' right away?
I'm like I'm not fuckin' squarin' up with you right now! We're goin' right away!
Drop em, we go right away, grab each other. I know he's a lefty so he's gonna let go—let's go of my right arm before he throws one. I threw one. Big boy went down, he jumped back up pretty quick. I don't know, I tell people all the time, I'm like I would've been in the league fuckin' 2 years earlier if there was good footage of this fuckin' fight!
For some reason—For some reason, the cameras cut out. I don't know if [he] had his cousins working the cameras or something that night, or if they're in the video room or what happened.
That was my first NHL game.
It's funny 'cuz Chucky was there—Chucky's there and he knows, he saw, he always laugh when I say that I would've been in the league earlier 'cuz he knows how things like that go. You get a little bit of energy and buzz around ya, and then kind-of momentum takes you a little bit further but unfortunate[ly], I missed that opportunity but I don't regret a thing.
[...]
The opportunity was there, I just—unfortunately, for whatever reason, the Hockey Gods said not yet." (Ryan Lomberg reminiscing over his first NHL game/fight) (x)(x) (please go watch the second link to see lombos giant smile as he tells this story jfc)
and other genuinely bonkers things to say about a hockey player in your first fight... like why did this need to be said like that...what
#ryan lomberg#lombo what the fuck#for the sake of clarity lombo does refer em by name but i think its funnier to obscure it in this case for people who dont know who it is#im sure edm and the bald description gave it away of who it is#but youll never fucking guess who this bitch is waxing poetic about#the wha the huh#HIM??????#WE'RE ROMANTICISNG THAT FUCKIN GUY??? REALLY????#i hate it here#this just in the guy you adore just said the horniest shit about the worst person you know#completely forgot they both were on the flames at the same time its been erased from my memory#(guy who does not pay attention to anything that is not pantr related)#but also matthew giggling about lombos little I WOULDVE BEEN HERE EARLIER IF THE CAMERAS WORKED RIGHT#how dare we lose him to calgary again HOW DARE#hello special little matthew cameo#the homoeroticism of it all#the inherent homoeroticism of hockey fights#why did he describe it like that#do you know what “scrappy ahler tries to make it big by fighting everyone in sight to impress staff and even challenges the enforcer vet#knowing itll make him look good if he does and said enforcer vet does not give him the time of day and goes i promise ill fight you when yo#get called up during the regular season not now and to which said scrappy ahler gets called up during the regular season and doesnt expect#much but gets completely surprised when the vet 1. remembers who he is 2. the promise he made and 3. even gives him a cheeky wink about it.#and the game is chippy from the start the ahler isnt sure theyll be able to fight hin but low and behold the hockey gods bless him#and he does he even gets to decide the rules AND wins it in one punch. the downside? none of it was filmed.#but the memory of that vets wink rings clear“ does to me man?#also. a classic case of hockey gods giveth. hockey gods taketh away.#sweetheart you can be gay AND also want your cool fight filmed honey youre asking for too much#yeah lombo does like calling men bigboy yeah that's a thing
16 notes · View notes
kyongsshi · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
21 notes · View notes
jay-wasreblogging · 18 days ago
Text
How tf do fanfic authors type through their tears?
7 notes · View notes
nylloth · 30 days ago
Text
I'm also a fan of LoR. LoR is a good story game, and there was a "Viktor deck", all his "cultists" are personalities with their own consciousness, not "dolls". Even the most robotic ones. Viktor never complained about the destruction of personality, only the improvement of the body and the suppression of emotions. In the arcane, he doesn't really have cultists, because they're just dolls. Receptacles. And it's so ugly...
16 notes · View notes
appleleef · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
when you don't know anything at all, and yet
(aka what if after season 2 heaven takes aziraphale's memories too)
68 notes · View notes
artheresy · 1 year ago
Text
My dynamic for Dan Feng & Yingxing
Hi hello, I said I would finally post this after long debating over if I show it here first or in my fic first, but fuck it. That’s a long ways away and I need to rant about them because they take up too much space in my brain.
Tumblr media
So this post, isn’t me claiming that this is the canon dynamic between Dan Feng and Yingxing or that this is the only right one or whatever. This is purely my own view of what I think their dynamic would be based upon how I see their individual characters with the little bits and crumbs we’ve been given so far in HSR. I can’t go over every single aspect of them here because I just purely can’t think of every single thing so this is primarily going to be talking about the fundamental key parts of my interpretation of their dynamic! If that makes sense, I’ll hop right in
Be warned, this is pretty fucking long, I think so much about them it actually hurts me physically, like it’s painful. This is me just letting my autism run while talking about two of my favorites, so be cautious… sorry in advance if some areas turn into tangents, again I think about them so much its actually too much I think about them too much
AGAIN, THIS IS MY VIEW OF THEM!! Based on the characterization we have so far which isn’t a whole bunch, this is my interpretation of their relationship based on how I view the bits of characterization we have and what we know about them
Okay so one of the biggest and most fundamental parts that influences how I view their dynamic and the course of their relationship is looking at how exactly and why exactly I think they became close. Jingliu in her companion quest says:
Tumblr media
I think this statement she makes “to see someone so arrogant get along with someone so proud” is actually the foundation of why they get close and their dynamic works rather than an obstacle that they somehow overcome. Specifically, I think that it was Yingxing’s arrogance (partially genuine and partially a habit born for the sake of his own survival) that allowed the two of them to get close. When we see lines from Yingxing via Dan Heng’s memories or via the Mirage Echo, though he uses Dan Feng’s proper title, he seems to talk rather casually to him. Even in a tense situation as secretly being in Scalegorge Waterscape for research would seem, Yingxing still is very lighthearted and in some languages, even laughs a little as he banters with Dan Feng. I have my own headcanons for why he has this casualness to him, but either way it’s a genuine part of him and a part of his canon characterization. I think that casualness, a product of his confidence/arrogance and maybe a little of his obliviousness as well, allows for them to get close. It evens the playing field, Yingxing sees Dan Feng as his equal, as a person, as Dan Feng rather than as his position of Imbibitor Lunae High Elder of the Vidyadhara. I could speculate all day whether or not other people had treated him similarly before and he shot it down (there’s a lot of the actual evolution of the dynamic that I will write I swear), but I think there was something very unique in that casualness that Dan Feng might not have experienced before, not from anyone else, not from the other members of the HCQ he had met before. Perhaps even Yingxing’s background would play a part in how shocked by his behavior DF is. Either way, it is that casualness, that equalness unlike he had ever experienced before, mixed with all of Yingxing’s other characteristics such as his cheeky nature that manages to quickly break down Dan Feng’s walls and make him feel compelled to grow closer to YX. Whether their first meeting was via Baiheng and Jingliu or a chance encounter before they eventually join the HCQ, Dan Feng is coming away from that shell shocked by the sheer audacity of this short life species, feelings he first interprets as offense before he realizes he’s actually amused/interest in him, and Yingxing walking away like “Huh? That was the High Elder I guess. Seems nice, a bit stiff tho!” There is no worship of Dan Feng from his side for any reason, not for his skills, not for his position, not even as an unattainable ethereal beauty situation. He views him as just another person, an equal, and no part of him views DF in this cocky “he’s not unattainable bc I already have him” kind of way because…
Another fundamental in my personal interpretation of their relationship is that Yingxing doesn’t truly seek anything from Dan Feng nor does he ever necessarily try to pursue him. And all of this isn’t in an insecure “We’d never work” kind of product of overthinking way of choosing not to pursue him. Rather, it’s primarily because Yingxing doesn’t feel the need to. He doesn’t need his romantic feelinhs to be satisfied or fulfilled especially with the difference in their lifespans. As long as he can be by his side and stay close with him until his time comes to an end, Yingxing is truly perfectly content with that. A lot of this additionally stems from a certain place. That being that after he gets to know Dan Feng better and learns of the sheer pressure he endures due to his position, the choices he feels he’s forced into, the level of restriction, even with all of the influence Dan Feng still has, he doesn’t want to be an added source of pressuring or discomfort. To sum it up, Yingxing leaves the ball in Dan Feng’s court so he can act as he sees fit when he feels like it. There’s an added layer to this also of Yingxing not wanting to ruin the current state of their dynamic (a topic I’ll get into more). In the end, this is just yet another part of Yingxing that utterly pulls Dan Feng in. He is very used to being distrusting of others and refusing to get close to many people, primarily out of wariness of the potential ulterior motives people may have when befriending him. Contrastly, Yingxing doesn’t expect or even want anything from Dan Feng even the closer they get. Dan Feng can see that, and it makes him trust in Yingxing. Makes him trust to the point that he feels comfortable enough to make attempts pursuing Yingxing himself rather than meeting at a stalemate, refusing to go after a man Dan Feng knows won’t chase him as to not risk pressuring him and bc he’s fine with how things are. That isn’t to say though that Yingxing won’t respond to any attempts Dan Feng makes first though, because he absolutely will. Well… that is if he can recognize any attempts from Dan Feng at all because he can be rather oblivious in the face of people making advances at him-
An added part to all of this is that Yingxing with the way he acts, both in general and in this specific regard, ends up being part of what helps influence and encourage Dan Feng to do more to take what he wants, actually follow his desires in certain aspects rather than keeping up his stiff outer image and denying himself of everything for that sake of his position. The HCQ in general all have influence helping Dan Feng open up more like this, seizing things instead of either waiting for things on a platter or never having them. However, Yingxing's bold nature is definitely the strongest factor as he ends up helping Dan Feng learn to identify what he wants for himself. Whether that want is something as complex as moving forward in a relationship when not only has Dan Feng had very little experience with close connections to others, but also is so accustomed to the stillness of long life, or something as simple as taking breaks and time to himself to live and breathe and experience life moving around him. It's through Yingxing (and the rest of the HCQ) that Dan Feng learns to be more selfish. It's through all of their care and kindness and love that Dan Feng learns that he too is not merely a pillar to stand tall for his people. That he is a person with needs and wants, and it is perfectly fine to be selfish and prioritize yourself at times.
So that previous section got into a little bit of Dan Feng’s trust in Yingxing, but what about Yingxing’s side of things? What about his trust in Dan Feng? I dunno what it is about him, but I feel like Dan Feng is the kind of person who can hear some of the deepest confessions and see the barest parts of the heart of someone he cares about and not treat them any differently like as if they are fragile y’know. Like Dan Feng is the person who Yingxing, out of all the HCQ, can truly confide in because he knows he won’t be seen different or treated in a drastically different way. Ultimately, Jingliu isn’t someone he feels he can go to for super emotional things which she likely herself knows she wouldn’t be able to help much with, Jing Yuan and him have a very light hearted joking dynamic that makes changing the tone and breaking the mood for a deep heart to heart much harder so he doesn’t often do it, and Baiheng… well, deep down Baiheng still sees Yingxing as that disheartened little boy, who had lost everything and was being told that there’s nothing he could do about it given his lifespan, that he couldn’t avenge what he had lost. If Yingxing were to tell her how he honestly truly feels about everything in his life, the traumas he still hadn’t overcome or the thoughts that plague him every day, he knows she would end up fretting over him, mother hen style. Being overly cautious as if his mind is made of glass, and as much as he loves her, he hates the idea of her changing how she treats him because of just how much she cares for him in turn.
(It’s a trait I see Baiheng having as to it being an obstacle in her other relationships like with Yingxing but works well in her relationship with Jingliu, caring for her and treating her softly, not underestimating her, in a way that others are too afraid to treat the unwavering, ice cold Sword champion! Matching DF and YX’s whole situation with his arrogance and casualness)
In the end, Yingxing feels like Dan Feng is the only one he can truly trust with the deepest corners of his heart and mind without worrying of Dan Feng either judging him or suddenly treating him like a fragile piece of porcelain. Even if he were to take note of something Yingxing told him and do something in response perhaps to ease his worries or heart ache, it would never be something out of pity or thinking Yingxing to be unable to take care of himself. Because ultimately, that’s where this all stems for Yingxing. He has lived so much of his life underestimated, whether having his skills and abilities questioned for being a short life species or sometimes intentionally sometimes unintentionally having his ability to take care of himself questioned like he needs a caretaker. Something that again is partially due to again to being a short life species. What Yingxing likes about Dan Feng is from the moment he met him, he doesn’t feel as if he is being questioned or underestimated. Dan Feng makes him feel as if he is truly seen as an equal, even with their distinct difference in power. It’s a treatment from Dan Feng that serves as a response to Yingxing’s own treatment of Dan Feng, his casualness to the other man making it clear he sees him as an equal as well.
And that? Well that is perhaps the most important part of the dynamic. In canon, they both have struggles with how they are seen and treated by others based on preconceived notions about their status. Dan Feng being in a way dehumanized as he is put up on a pedestal for being an incarnation of Imbibitor Lunae, for being the High Elder of the Vidyadhara, a position that he wants to escape because of the sheer loss of identity just a role brings. Yingxing being underestimated from the moment he stepped onto the Xianzhou because he wasn’t a long life species to the point that the other celestial masters on the Zhuming borderline bullied him into doubting himself, thinking a lot about his own death, and as a young boy (not even a teen yet), literally saying “Maybe I’ll never live to see the day my parents are avenged.” In my view of them, for them to truly be as close as they are established in canon, I think that from the start of their dynamic they make it very clear they see the other as a genuine and true equal in a way that other people haven’t or perhaps, can’t fully.
I said this before my in Aurizzm Yingxing post, but yeah, I don’t think Dan Feng or Yingxing would have come into a romantic relationship with each other with any experience at all. I know Dan Feng with no experience is a very accepted idea, and I agree with it very much given his isolated position and his proud attitude and that 100% plays into my view of their dynamic. I also however, firmly believe Yingxing came in without any romantic relationship experience too. The difference here ends up being in how inexperienced each of them are. Yingxing has had a lot more friendship experience, and he’s experienced crushes before which is how he can identify his own romantic feelings better than Dan Feng. But he’s never actually been in any relationship. He’s never had the time, he’s got his own goals in mind while being painfully aware he’s on a time limit, and let’s be real like I said before, This Man is married to his Forge. Meanwhile, Dan Feng truly hasn’t had any friendships prior to the HCQ. Knowing him and her too, I firmly believe Dan Feng and Jingliu’s relationship for example, was for maybe a few decades, maybe a literal century, just them sparring without words from time to time. So Dan Feng not only going in with no friendship experience, but I think that man also is having to recognize some new emotions and feelings he’s never experienced nor can put words to. So Dan Feng’s disaster comes in being painful aware of the presence and intensity of his own feelings… he just doesn’t have the words nor experience to recognize exactly what those feelings are. It’s an absolute disaster on all fronts, somebody pray for the HCQ who unfortunately have to experience all of this.
There’s an added layer I want to go more into looking back at the first part of why their relationship works and the thing I said about the Baiheng trait. As we saw with Jingliu admitting to her feelings towards his attitude as a child, she wasn’t… she wasn’t really a fan so to say of his arrogance. And given y’know, what we see of the people of the Luofu, I don’t doubt many people have similar reactions. Part of Yingxing’s limited experience comes not only from his own decision to not pursue anything, I think part of it comes from being for whatever reason feeling distaste for him. Whether it’s their own prejudices against Outworlders, or his bold attitude and lack of formality that makes any interest they had in him end up flying away. Which ugh, makes it even more special that this attitude of his, born out of necessity for his own survival on the Xianzhou and for his ability to move forward in his craftsmanship after all he went through, which has pushed so many people away, ends up being the exact thing that allows him to get close to Dan Feng. IT’s UGGGHHH Sorry, but I just need to scream. I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THEM OKAY?? THEY TAKE UP TOO MUCH SPACE IN MY BRAIN, I CAN’T HAVE A SINGLE MOMENT OF REST BECAUSE OF THEM
Again, this is my view of them and their dynamic based upon what we have been given in game so far, the crumbs of characterization we have. God I hope we get more. This isn’t me saying this view of them is canon or anything, this is just how I view them. This is the dynamic and thoughts that have grown like mold in my head from thinking about them WAY too much.
I have so much more I could talk about, certain specific things or things that don’t even immediately come to mind right now. If you want to ask more about how I view them or have some topic or aspect of them in mind, please hit me up. Either send something to my inbox or bust your way into my dms to talk about them. I love them so much. They mean the world to me.
And honestly? I could just make two whole separate posts also just about how I specifically characterize each of them, but I think I need to let my brain rest a bit.
And don’t think about this dynamic specifically in reference to how it could reflect on their current selves because you might just end up hurting yourself like I have. GOD I HATE THEM
#okay so I have so much more to say about df/yx but i wanted to take the tags to talk about rh#i want to make a separate post about them as well mostly bc of smth ill rant about here#the arguing between rh antis vs rh shippers has devolved into such a lack of nuance from both sides that its HURTING MY BRAIN#rh anti: ‘Blade HATES Dan Heng’#yeah he does#but also its not a shallow kind of hatred#it’s a multilayer complicated hatred built on past feelings of regret betrayal and fundamentally a past love from yingxing#that is what the hatred we see (mostly amplified outwardly by the mara) is all built upon that is PART of the appeal its tragedy its doomed#it’s a loss of what was and how that influences its own unique dynamic different from df & yx#rh anti: ‘DH hates Blade’ also true but again#its become a complicated kind of dislike mixed with the shock and realization of who Blade USED to be and past memories coming back#additionally there’s a little something called character and relationship development where dynamics and characters change over the story…#rh shipper: ‘You’re saying Blade hates DH lol are we reading the same game’ YES WE ARE#YES HE DOES#He does hate him yes its a complicated kind of hatred as I already said but that doesnt erase that he does hold resentment towards Dan Heng#did none of you?? read the relic lore??#if you believe that dan heng is destined to die with blade then you believe hes apart of that ‘final funeral to the unnamed’s life and#to everything he ever hated.’ …like guys why are we saying he doesnt hate him at all#it outright flies in the face of blade’s character to say he doesn’t hate him like HELLO? it’s just a complicated hatred#not nonexistent and like seriously the hatred again adds to the appeal of their dynamic#their tragedy lies in how their past forms were once close and through a shared sin plus some stuff to inspire Blade’s vengeance that#that relationship has been completely destroyed beyond repair under the weight of their sin#love replaced with an eternal hatred and remorse a betrayal grave enough to spark such violent revenge#is what makes rh appealing! makes their dynamic interesting and that dynamic developing further as threads of their past still linger but#alas arent the same as before fundamentally changed and unique to them again MAKES IT INTERESTING AND TRAGIC!! esp knowing blade will die#yingxing#dan feng#xingyue#renheng#honkai star rail
51 notes · View notes
blackswallowtailbutterfly · 5 months ago
Text
Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.
#you know how they say time makes you look on the past with nostalgia and that's why elderly people think so fondly of past decades? not me#there are moments I look back on with nostalgia sure but the overwhelming feeling of looking back on my childhood is just whatever I do#wherever I go whatever happens that will not be my life again. my memory is long I made a promise to myself I intend to keep I don't forget#support you having your grandkids if their mother is deemed unfit yes. take the older two myself if it comes to it yes. move provinces to#live with you to look after the five of them together where you would be my only adult connection and there's a language barrier and I have#no work history and I'd be between five hours and nine hours away from any other connection I have answer's an absolute fucking no. I've#seen how you are with my sister how you were with my brother. who do you think they call when they've had enough of you? do you not#remember most of the beatings I took was because I was standing between you and my brother? of course not because according to you you#never did beat me but if you think I'm not aware that would turn on me again the second I'm no longer distant and just visiting if you#think you'd find nothing to complain about because you've built up this golden child ideal of me in your head and want to forget how it was#when I was actually in your care you are very very wrong. I remember. I know that inconveniences a lot of people who want to forget#unpleasant things about themselves. me too to be honest I have memories I wish I could erase but I can't especially with regard to my#sister. I defended my brother but not her. not enough. and it's probably why I give so much to her now more than I should because it's#enabling but it is what it is I guess. I won't use my memories against anyone just for the sake of it but I absolutely fucking will#to protect myself or others. you want a redemption arc without admitting to anything? keep being patient and kind towards#your grandchildren even if you end up having to take them and if you can't do it for all five of them then accept that it's better for the#older two to be with me. that's it. those are your options: the older two are with me so you only have to look after the younger three or#you need to buckle down and learn from your past mistakes to look after the five of them and all that is *if it even comes to that* which#as things are it's not in danger of that! it was a regular fucking visit to monitor the situation that's all; they're not getting taken#literally every time she freaks out about something it's a 50/50 chance it's actually something or she's invented a completely#twisted version of events
8 notes · View notes