#I want Kerry to be a good dad

[timaeusterrored]

Kim bodyslams Kerry every Christmas. It’s their first Christmas with V and Kim sneaks into their bedroom, literally walked right past the bedroom her mom is in, and decked her 90 something dad in the gut. And to make it worse, he woke up to V hiding his laughter in a pillow.

“My child just body slammed me and your laughing? Eff you.” (Can’t swear in front of children)

[vivwritesfics]

Hooked On A Feeling

Chapter Twenty-Five - Future Mrs Ricciardo

Daniel is a Formula One driver, but, more importantly, he was a single dad to a wonderful little girl. He wants her to be a normal little girl, to have a normal social life, so he sends her to daycare. That was where she met Milo, her future best friend.

Milo's mother was incredibly stressed. She worked so hard to provide a good life for her son. But then he makes a new friend, a friend who has a hot dad (ofc they fall in love)

1.6K

Single Dad!Daniel x Single Mum!Reader

warnings: light smut

Series Masterlist

Daniel spent all of December and January ring shopping. It was just so difficult, trying to decide on the perfect one. He'd seen the dainty rings she wore on her finger. All of them were flat. None of them were the kind of ring with a rock.

Something flat. Daniel knew she would like something flat, something that didn't have any kind of diamond sticking out. But that made finding the perfect one so much harder.

First, Daniel wanted to ask her and Milo to move into his house. By February, he'd decided it was time, decided he wanted to pick up all of her things and move them to his house. He wanted to see her books on the shelves, her blankets on the sofa, her mug beside his in the cupboards.

Fast forward to Valentines day. Olivia was supposed to be at her mothers house, but Kerry-Ann had a date and begged Daniel to take her.

(She watched the entire interaction, watched the way Kerry-Ann stepped closer to Daniel. Her hand touched his chest and she pouted her lips, begging him to take Olivia while she went on her Valentines date. The fact that she thought she needed to beg showed she really didn't know Daniel at all.)

Olivia and Milo spent the night at Olivia's Grand Parent's house. They watched movies, ate dinner in front of the television and filled in their colouring books until they went to bed.

"I'm thinking dinner and a movie," said Daniel as he pulled her towards him, pulling her onto his lap.

She straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I think I like what you're thinking," she said and kissed him, playing with the hair at the back of his neck. "But I'm also happy with staying here and breaking the couch in."

Daniel couldn't help but frown. "The couch isn't new," he answered, and she bounced in his lap. His eyes widened. "Oh wow," he said. "Wow, yeah, I like that." His hands settled on her hips. "But I do still want to take you out for dinner."

When she pouted, Daniel kissed her and her pout disappeared. "Come on, my love," he said. "It's our first Valentines day together and I want to treat you."

She kissed him again. "Okay. But, instead of a movie, we can come back here and..."

"I love it." He stood up and gently put her on the floor. "Go and get dressed. I wasn't to get you back here as soon as possible." Daniel pointed her in the direction of the bedroom and smacked her ass, as if to get her going.

She got showered and dressed in as quick a time as she could. She dried and brushed her hair, styling it with pins, and did her makeup. If they were going for dinner, she was going to make sure she looked fucking perfect.

When Daniel walked into the bedroom to retrieve a his own clothes, he covered his eyes. "I'm not looking, I swear," he said as he dug through the closet.

He got changed in the living room, folding his clothes and leaving them on the couch. When he was ready, Daniel sat down and called his daughter.

When she walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, Daniel damn near dropped his phone. "Is that my momma?" Milo asked, his face appearing on the screen.

"Yeah, Milo, it is," he said as he strode over to her. He turned the camera around, showing Milo and Olivia just how gorgeous she looked. She did a twirl and took the phone from Daniel, saying hello to the kids as he stood behind her, hands on her hips.

"Well, we'll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?" She said to Milo and Olivia.

"Bye, guys!" Daniel called from behind her.

"Bye!" Milo and Olivia chorused, ending the call.

When Daniel turned her around, she slipped his phone into his pocket. She kissed the underside of his jaw as Daniel gripped her hips. "You know, now I kinda regret insisting that we go to dinner."

She stepped away from him, giving him an unimpressed look as she did so. "I did not get all pretty like this for nothing." She pressed a finger to his chest as she said it. "C'mon, Honey Badger. Take me to dinner."

Dinner was, well, fantastic. It was a small Italian place. Daniel hadn't given his real name when making the reservation, and they damn near shit their pants when he walked in.

They couldn't be more apologetic that they'd sat them in one of the worst seats in the house. But it was Valentines day and it was incredibly busy.

But the food was good, the service was good and the wine went to her head a little bit. Their table was lit by candles. Everything was perfect.

Daniel had his arm wrapped around her as they walked down the street. They didn't head back to the car immediately, instead walking under the stars. "Hang on," he said, stopping to tie his shoelaces.

But his shoelaces were tied already. And, suddenly, he had a little black box in his hand. "Y/N," Daniel called and she turned towards him. "I've got an important question."

Her hands covered her mouth as he pulled open the box. What kind of ring would a man like Daniel choose for her? Whatever it was, she'd wear it with pride.

But the box didn't have a ring inside. No, it had a key. "Will you move in with me?"

She couldn't stop herself from hitting his shoulder. "Asshole, I thought you were going to propose!"

Still, Daniel was on his knee, waiting for an answer. "Yes," she said, taking the key from the box. "Yes, I'll move in with you."

Daniel stood up and kissed her. "Let me take you home, Roomie," he said with a grin, taking her hand and leading her back to the car. "I just gotta know, will you smack me like that when I do propose?"

"Propose and find out," she said with a grin as Daniel pulled open the car door for her.

When the season started a month later, Daniel wanted to take her everywhere with him. He wanted her by his side as he walked through the paddock, wanted her watching him as he drove.

But she was still working and he went alone. But it was okay, it just meant that she'd be at home, watching the race with the kids.

The drivers that had met her, loved her. They asked Daniel about her whenever they got a moment. He loved talking about her. He loved talking about all of his little family and couldn't stop once he'd started.

Only Max knew he was going to propose. Only Max had seen the ring. Only Max knew how Daniel was going to do it. He just needed to give his friend a little reassurance.

It was back in Australia. Daniel had a weekend of no racing and he wanted to get away.

He booked a cabin for the two of them, took her away for just the weekend while Milo and Olivia stayed with his parents. Daniel didn't tell her. He didn't tell her until he was packing their bags (with no idea what to pack for her).

She walked in on him, shoving things into their bags. "Danny," she said softly, placing her hand on his shoulders. "What're you doing?"

He let out a sigh as he stood up. "I... am taking you away for the weekend."

Holy shit, he was going to propose.

Wordlessly, she began putting things into her bag. She grabbed things from her underwear drawer and put them in her bag without letting Daniel see what it was.

Once her bag was zipped up, she turned to him and threw her arms around his shoulders. "Love you," she said as she kissed him.

Daniel could hardly keep himself from telling her as he drove them up to the cabin. He kept his hand on her thigh as he parked up (doing that thing where he drove with one hand, palm against the steering wheel).

Their bags weren't heavy, but Daniel insisted on carrying both of them. The cabin was nice and secluded, the next one a few miles doing the road.

"Have you ever fucked on a porch?" He grinned as he carried the bags into the cabin, flexing like crazy.

They had sex on the porch. They had sex on the rug, sex by the fire. It was damn near impossible to separate them.

Daniel was constantly looking for the right moment to propose. He wanted to, he so badly wanted to. But it wasn't the right moment.

The right moment came on Sunday. They'd spent the night unable to separate, his cock moving through her folds, her body moving on top of his.

In the morning light, with her body wrapped in the white sheets, hair covering the pillow, Daniel found his moment. He wrapped his arms around her mid section and pulled her closer. "Marry me," he said and kissed her bare shoulder.

"Sure," she muttered, fingers tracing his tattoo.

"No, I'm being serious," he said, turning her body to face him. "Marry me."

She grinned and leaned in to kiss him. "Yes, Daniel Ricciardo, I'll marry you."

Suddenly Daniel was out of the bed. He ran to his bag, pulled the ring from its box and slipped it onto her finger. "Future Mrs Ricciardo," he whispered and kissed her, pulling her body against his.

(When they picked up the kids later that evening, Daniel introduced Y/N to his parents as his ex girlfriend. Nobody was impressed by that.)

FIN

TAGLIST (CLOSED): @biancathecool @rewmuslupin @prettiest-at-the-party @hellowgoodbye @spideybv28 @andydrysdalerogers @landossainz @purplephantomwolf @ggaslyp1 @layazul @phantomxoxo @minseok-smaus @gills-lounge @hollie911 @annispamz @lily-ann-b @cixrosie @amalialeclerc @teamnovalak @tallrock35 @chiliwhore @darleneslane @sava207 @thatsusbitch @formulaal @leptitlu @landosgirlxoxo @msolbesg @cherry-piee @bathedinheat @chanshintien @ilove-tswizzle @woozarts @trouble-sistar @mysticalnightenthusiast @lewisvinga @spilled-coffee-cup @starkeyellow @fxrmuladaydreams @viennakarma @lightdragonrayne @millinorrizz @xemiefx @ellies-world61 @the-depressed-fellow

[raviposting]

There is really...something, in how Connor seems the closest to Logan when it comes to death. He was told about the mausoleum from Logan, that he has this entire story about how Logan bought it and when, and who it came from. Con is the one to plan Logan’s funeral. Our only good-natured Logan & Connor moment came from Connor reminiscing about a moment with Logan and Connor’s dead mother. It’s him, the sibling who was cast out for three years and who accepts Logan’s death so readily with a simple “he never even liked me” and whose mother can’t get a front row seat like Kerry and Marcia and Caroline and Sally Anne can, it’s Connor who buys the house and is open to the siblings all living there and then again with the mausoleum, it’s him who knows this information and gets to share it with his siblings. 

And I want to say it’s about how much he’s accepted death and has faced their reality and maybe he has but it’s still another haunted house situation, but in a different way. It’s when Con buys the house that the siblings actually pay attention to him (so much so that Ken snaps and asks for them to stop ignoring him!). It’s when he explains the mauseloum and gives them the tour that they’re listening to Connor, entranced, because he’s giving them more information about their dad. Ken, Shiv, and Rome are stabbing each other in the back and dragging each other away from the door, claiming all the while that they’re not going to live in a haunted house and that maybe they can do better, maybe. But Connor sees, Connor sees and understands and accepts their reality and holds the door to the haunted house open and says well we can live here together, at least. 

[daysofyellowroses]

red rose ii

kerry von erich x reader | 2.6k | sequel to this story (you can read this as a standalone as it's basically just plotless and i won't expect anyone to read a 10k fic just to know a backstory) | 18+ minors dni - this is plotless smut because i felt like it, enjoy!

“I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride.”

A chorus of cheers rang out from the congregation, hands clapping together as whistles rang out around the church.

You met Kerry's eyes, standing across from him in your pink, puffy bridesmaids dress. He gave you a wink and you rolled your eyes with a smile as you cheered on Kevin and Pam, the two of them starting to head down the aisle. After a moment you were by Kerry's side, your arm in his as you began to leave the church.

“Second time today you've walked me down an aisle,” You grinned, looking over to your boyfriend. “Making a habit of it, are we?”

“Might just be,” Kerry teased, giving you a kiss on the cheek. “hope you don't mind.”

“Not at all, I encourage it.” You smiled, watching a shower of rice wash over Kevin and Pam as they walked out ahead of you.

There was some standing around as the wedding photos were taken, all the various relatives and friends being swapped in and out, the photographer giving more demands thanan army sergeant. Part of you felt a little silly being in the photos, being a bridesmaid alongside Pam's old friends, but you had still been so thrilled when she'd asked you. After all, the two of you had become friends, which was a joy.

As Kevin and Pam took pictures with their parents, you rested your head on Kerry's shoulder, his arm around your waist. David and Mike stood across from you, bored expressions on their faces that made you smile.

“Can't memories be enough?” David sighed as he rested his hands on his hips, looking over to the photographer. “I'm starving, I'll eat his damn camera if I need to.”

“Give me half,” Mike sighed, folding his arms. “A crumb, anything.”

You smiled as you turned and whispered in Kerry's ear, his hand tightening on your waist.

“I'm still full.”

“Good to know,” He murmured softly, grinning as he looked down at your dress. “You know, you really can't tell this thing was crumpled up on the floor a few hours ago. All that panic for nothing.”

“I wasn't the one pulling it off,” You grinned, your hands coming to rest on Kerry's shoulder. “that was all-”

“You!” The photographer snapped, gesturing to you and the boys. “get on over here, all of you.”

“You hold him down,” David looked at Kerry. “I'll get the camera.”

A couple of hours later, you were taking your seat after your latest twirl around the dancefloor. You took a sip of your drink, looking out to the floor filled with people having the time of their lives. Your gaze fell on your dad, smiling as you watched him and Carla sway together, laughing about something and unable to keep their eyes off each other. A moment later, Kerry came and sat next to you, his arm resting over the back of your chair.

“Having fun?” He asked, looking over to you with a smile.

“Of course,” You grinned, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek, your hand resting on his thigh. “I was just thinking..my dad and Carla will stay a while longer, the house is gonna be empty. Seems a shame to waste it.”

“It would definitely be a shame,” Kerry smiled, resting his hand on top of yours. “I say we sneak out the back and if anyone asks we'll just say I felt sick and didn't want to make a big fuss.”

“Wow,” You raised a brow with a smile as you stood up. “I'm making a rebel out of you, Kerry Von Erich.”

The drive home seemed to take an age, all you wanted to do was get out of your dress (again) and wile away the evening in Kerry's arms.

When you finally arrived, you practically leaped out of the truck, rooting around in your purse for your key. You could hear Kerry laughing as you held half the contents of your purse in your hand while you searched, rolling your eyes with a smile.

“Alright I got it, we're good,” You finally fished the key out, walking up the steps to the front door and opening the door. You walked into the small lobby and turned as you waited for Kerry to join you.

“Still feels strange,” He grinned as he walked into the house, closing the front door. “I still expect to have to sneak through your window.”

“You can walk around the back and shimmy up the drainpipe if you want,” You grinned, lightly pushing down your puffed up sleeves. “For old time's sake.”

“And leave you here all alone?” Kerry raised a brow, striding over to you with a smile, wrapping his arms around you. “Absolutely not.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling truly content as you met his eyes.

“Good..I don't want to be apart from you for even a second. Who else is gonna help me out of this thing?”

“Good thing I got experience then,” Kerry grinned, and you laughed before an excited squeak flew out of you as Kerry picked you up and started walking to the stairs, your arms secure around his neck.

When you reached your bedroom, you got onto your feet and wasted no time turning your back to Kerry so he could pull your dress off as he had before you'd left the house earlier.

To your surprise, he took his time, standing close behind you as his fingers slowly released each button. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck and you let out a soft breath as you closed your eyes.

“Kerry,” You groaned softly, no real admonishment in your tone.

“Shh, we got time,” He murmured softly, trailing kisses down your back as he slowly unbuttoned your dress. “Just enjoy it.”

You didn't need to be told twice. As much as you had enjoyed the morning, it had been rushed. You'd been in Kerry's bedroom, with the background noise of David asking where his tie was, Mike banging on the door to get his shoes, and the radio blasting out.

Now, you were more than happy to feel Kerry's hands slowly glide along your bare back before he carefully eased your dress down your shoulders.

“Turn around, gorgeous.”

You moved slowly, holding your dress to your chest as you turned and met Kerry's eyes with a smile. After slowly pushing the dress off yourself to pool at your feet, Kerry held his hand out and you took it before stepping out of the dress and wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Well this really isn't fair,” You grinned, moving your hand to lightly toy with the grey bow tie wrapped around Kerry's neck. “You get to stay fully clothed, bow tie and all, and I have to be naked?”

“You've still got these,” Kerry grinned, his fingers hooking into the waistband of your panties. “So it's fine.”

“Is it though?” You hummed, moving your hand to gently stroke Kerry's cheek. “Because I don't think it really i-!”

You gasped as Kerry picked you up and carried you over to your bed, throwing you down on it and taking his suit jacket off. Your panties were instantly soaked as you watched him move slowly onto the bed, settling between your legs.

“I don't need to be undressed to do this,” He murmured softly,his hands gripping your thighs. You closed your eyes as you felt him slowly peel away your panties, feeling his gaze on you. It was already driving you crazy, your body desperately wanting more, but at the same time you found yourself enjoying that he was taking his time, giving you so much attention.

When you felt Kerry's hands gently moving along your thighs you let out a soft breath, your chest tightening as he placed a soft kiss on your inner thigh. You were sure neither of you had moved so slowly since you sparked your relationship back up again.

Not that it was a bad thing, of course. You were snatching moments where you could, in his bedroom or yours, in your truck, and that very enjoyable time when he dropped by the garage to pick you up and you got a little delayed. You couldn't quite meet Mrs. Davenport's eyes when you dropped her car back.

But now..now it was like there was nobody else in the world but the two of you, Kerry wasn't having to hold his hand over your mouth to cover up your moans, you didn't have the thrill of potentially being caught, but you did have Kerry between your legs, licking a slow stripe up your soaked core.

A moan escaped your lips and you relished not having to hide it. Your hands found the sheets as you let the moans fall freely. Kerry seemed content to keep a slow pace, taking you apart a little at a time, and your protests died in your mouth, replaced by ragged breaths and moans.

“So pretty,” Kerry murmured softly, and you slowly opened your eyes as you felt him slowly rub his fingers over your clit, spreading you open as he moved down. His eyes met yours and you felt like you could die happily in that moment as he smiled at you.

“All mine, ain't you darlin’?”

“Yeah,” You managed after a moment, your heart racing. “All yours baby.”

Your head fell back against the pillow as he slowly pushed his finger into you, his tongue slowly swirling over your clit. You wanted to tell him how good it felt, how you wanted, needed more, but the words couldn't get out, your mind swimming and your body crying out.

Emotion and tiredness and desire all melted together within you, and felt like you could cry as Kerry pushed another finger inside you, crooking the digits as they found that wonderful spongy spot inside you.

“Oh god,” You moaned, your hand falling over your forehead. “Kerry..I..please..”

You were sure you heard him murmur something like “I got you baby” but the building wave in your stomach grabbed your attention as it began to crescendo, a cry escaping your lips as Kerry worked you open.

It took a moment for the breath to settle back into your body, your heart hammering in your chest. Kerry lapped you up, and you whined at your own sensitivity while loving the feeling nonetheless. You reached down and touched his arm, wanting him closer, needing his arms around you.

Kerry moved slowly, your hands reaching out to touch his arms when he was finally above you, trying to steady yourself.

“Please tell me I can undress you now,” You murmured softly, your hands moving to the top button of his shirt. “Don't torture me..”

“Go ahead,” Kerry grinned, watching as your fingers moved to undo his bow tie, the material gathered around your hand as you unbuttoned his shirt. You hadn't had time to take his shirt off earlier, you relished in being able to freely.

“I love you,” You murmured softly as you slid the shirt down Kerry's arms. “You know that, I know, I just like reminding you.”

“I know,” Kerry smiled, getting his shirt all the way off before meeting your eyes. “And you know that I love you. Always have. Always will.”

“I always have too,” You smiled, hands moving to unbutton his pants. “I always will..you're it for me. Nobody gives me what you do, makes me feel the way you do.”

“You mean..like this?” Kerry asked, leaning down to kiss you and grinning into it as you gasped. You felt his hand move on top of yours, helping you push down his pants.

“Exactly like that,” You murmured softly, resting your forehead against Kerry's. “Just need you to do one thing..”

You gripped his shoulders, pushing him over onto his back.

“There, perfect,” You grinned, leaning over to pull his pants all the way off and dropping them to the floor before looking back at him.

“I think I should just keep you here forever. It suits you.”

“You won't hear me complaining,” Kerry smiled, holding his hand out to you. “C'mere angel.”

You took his hand, moving forward til you were straddling his lap. The friction of his shorts against your bare core was heavenly, your hips shifting a little.

“Comfortable?” Kerry asked, a teasing tone in his voice as he gently stroked his thumb over the back of your hand.

“Very,” You nodded, a soft moan escaping you as you moved again, biting your lip at the sensation.

“I was gonna take ‘em off but maybe not yet,” Kerry mused, moving his free hand to your hip.

“No,” You breathed, your hand moving to the waistband of his shorts. “I need to feel you. Please.”

Kerry gave you a nod before you pulled the shorts down, his hard cock springing free and resting against his stomach.

“Fuck,” You murmured softly, gently gripping Kerry's election and giving it a few slow strokes before lining yourself up and sinking down slowly.

“Oh god,” You moaned, your eyes falling closed as your head tilted back. “Mm..”

When you were filled completely, Kerry wanted no time in sitting up and wrapping his arms around you before flipping you onto your back. He took your hands on his and held them above your head, pushing deeper into you. Your legs wrapped around his waist, wanting him as close as possible.

“You're everything, you know that?” Kerry murmured softly, leaning on to kiss your neck as you arched your back. “So perfect..my good girl..”

You slowly tugged your hand from Kerry's, moving it to grip his hair as his fingers deftly moved to your breast, thumb rolling over your nipple.

“I shouldn't let it affect me so much,” You moaned softly, your hand in Kerry's squeezing tightly. “But..fuck..”

“It's okay,” Kerry murmured, sucking a mark onto your collarbone as he thrust into you harder. “You can enjoy it, being such a good girl for me..”

“Mm,” You nodded, your eyes rolling back as Kerry hit that spot inside you, your hands gripping his hair. “Yes, I..”

“You what, baby?” Kerry asked, his lips trailing kisses back up your neck as you tried to gather your thoughts.

“I..I love being your good girl,” You moaned, legs falling apart as Kerry began fucking into you harder, deeper. “Please..”

“I got you, darling,” Kerry moved his hand to grab your thigh, holding it up and open, your eyes clenching shut as you felt the wave build.

“Hey, eyes on me, angel.”

You felt like you could let go then and there, your eyes opening to meet Kerry's. You could feel the desire in his gaze, the want and the passion and the all consuming love that had you wanting to wrap your arms around him and never let go.

Everything fell away as you cried out, eyes rolling back as you saw stars, felt Kerry's warm touch and heard his sweet words somewhere in your mind, feeling him fill you with warmth.

It took a moment to come back down to earth, turning on your side slowly and wrapping yourself around Kerry. He wrapped around you instantly, placing soft kisses to your forehead and whispering to you about how good you were, how perfect and beautiful and wonderful.

It wouldn't always end in such a way, where you had time to heap praise and embrace each other. At least not for a while. But in that moment, there was nothing else, just the two of you, in your perfect moment.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

Hi Kerry !! May I request 8 or 9 or a combi for the romance prompts!☺️🥰

Hi Mar! 🥰🥰

But of course - 😊

Combination of 8 (being your partners moms favorite) and 9 (“Ma, how come they’re often getting head rubs from you while I rarely do?”

Carlos knew as soon as he opened the door at his Tia Lucy’s house, TK would be all but ripped from his side.

Andrea Reyes would give them both a hug, tell them how handsome they both looked, and then take TK by the wrist over to where her sisters were. There was three of them, and they would all want to hug TK, kiss his cheeks, and stuff him with food because look at him, he’s practically skin and bones, doesn’t Carlos ever feed you, TK?

It made Carlos happier than he thought was possible to see it; Carlos had never thought he could find someone to love who loved him back that his family would accept.

And he knew TK had always wanted a big family and he missed his mother dearly; and he had superhuman like patience for being fussed over by a mob.

“You don’t have to eat it,” Carlos reminded TK as when he saw that TK’s plate had once again been loaded up. “If it’s too spicy you don’t have to eat it”.

TK rolled his eyes. “How many smoothies has my dad made you that you hated that you still finished anyway?”

“That’s different,” Carlos said, resting his hand on TK’s leg. “Those are just unpleasant. I don’t want you to have to be camped out in the bathroom all night”.

TK was about to reply when Andrea came over and gently carded a hand through TK’s hair.

“Mijo, if that’s too spicy for you, don’t feel you have to eat it,” she told him, gently scratching his scalp. “Only eat what you want to”.

TK resisted the urge to start humming like he did when Carlos did this for him. “I see where you got those magic hands,” TK said to Carlos, his eyes half closing on their own.

“Mama, you’re using up all of the good stuff on TK,” Carlos joked.

“That’s because you’re Mister Big Strong no I’ll handle it myself, mi amor,” Andrea told him, kissing the top of Carlos’s head before she walked back into the kitchen.

“She’s got you there, babe,” TK grinned as Carlos ate off his plate.

[buffyfan145]

So after reading more about the Von Erichs and rewatching a lot of their old matches I realized they cut another part of their story but I totally get why as before the movie started in 1979 David's first marriage had just ended and he moved back home. But not only that his baby daughter had also passed from SIDS the year before. His ex-wife likely is still alive and didn't want that depicted in the movie but now I know when I re-watch it I'm going to know that really happened just like how they also cut the youngest brother Chris, David's 2nd wife Trisha, and Kerry's daughters out of the movie too. I do think if this had been a miniseries they would've told it in full so I get why they did this with the movie and how tragic it all is and how good the movie turned out but there also was more of a focus on Kevin. Plus, it changes that scene with David finding out Kevin's going to be a dad. Also have a spoilerly thought too but makes me wonder how Harris would've handled that additional storyline, same with Jeremy playing Kerry as a father too.

For those that saw the movie the ending where Kerry reunited with his brothers in heaven it made me think of how Chris would've been there too as well as David's baby daughter. It would've been even more emotional than it was. 😭

[motions1ckness]

“His Assistant”

Summary: Roman accidentally sends a explicit message to Logan thinking it’s you, his assistant. (based off the 03x08 episode!)

Content: f!reader, intimacy, Logan Roy, fear of intimacy (ironic i know), humiliation, manipulation, implied age gap, mention of sexual harassment

Sure, a relationship with your boss isn’t your brightest idea, but you didn't regret it. Keeping your relationship with Roman a secret gave you a rush you couldn’t experience just once. Being his assistant isn’t as grueling as it seemed. Roman didn’t have a very strenuous job.

While following Roman to the conference room, he turned back “Actually, y/n, can you follow me real quick. I think my schedule is off,” he lied. We had to come up with fake scenarios often. Just in case anyone overheard.

You met his eyes and nodded. “Y-yea, whatever you say, boss.” You followed Roman to an empty room, which seemed secluded enough.

You closed the door behind you. Roman wasted no time attacking your neck with sloppy kisses, “Take off your shirt,” he breathed into your neck.

“What?” You slightly pulled away, just enough to meet his eyes. “Rome, we’re already late to this meeting. Your father-” he moved away with an agitated groan. You didn’t want the moment to end either, but you also didn’t want to be yelled at by Logan Roy.

“Yeah, okay. Whatever, yeah,” Roman started toward the door, signaling you to move out of the way. “If I convince them to trust Mattson, I get to fuck the shit out of you later,” he says, letting you walk outside first. You let out a small laugh rolling your eyes, knowing that day won’t come. Roman hasn't explicitly told you about his intimacy issues, but you two of been sneaking around for months, and the most you guys have done is dry-humping.

During the meeting that included 8 of you, Roman somehow convinced Logan to trust Mattson. He knocked on the table to show his excitement off to you, followed by a grin. You smiled back before standing up to get coffee.

Kerry started filtering other executives into the meeting after Logan gave her the clear. Roman's confidence had been elated since Logan decided to notice him. You were happy for him but feared when Logan chose to kick him aside again.

At the coffee cart, you sent Roman a flirty congratulations text, afraid a verbal message would cause someone to overhear. You put your phone in your pocket to pour yourself a cup. You felt Roman glance at you and then put his phone down.

Supposing nothing of it, you returned next to him, “Get a good look?” He whispered to you. The issue was you had no idea what he was talking about, and it showed on your face. Roman noticed his dad checking his phone soon after. He looked at his most recent messages and saw the text sent to his dad, not you.

He met Logan's eyes, which were staring at him intensely. “What happened?” you asked, feeling left in the dark. Roman didn’t respond and sank into his chair, feeling his whole world crumble around him. Logan told everyone he needed five while Shiv rushed after him. Roman remained silent, looking guilty as ever.

Not long after, Logan shouted for Roman down the hall, while Shiv pulled you to that exact secluded location from earlier. You were unaware of what occurred until Shiv tells you Roman sent a dick pic to Logan, mistaking it for you.

Your face turns flushed when she asks if you welcomed the photos or had any prior relationship. You knew admitting to hooking up with your boss could get you terminated or turn you into a cautionary tale, “No, uh, Roman and I’s relationship is strictly professional. He has some quirks, but we all do,” you tried to sell your lie with a half-assed smile. You understood Shiv was attempting to manipulate you and abuse your vulnerability.

The meeting adjourned, and Logan called you into the room with Roman for questioning. In all honesty, no one cared if you two were hooking up. Kerry and Logan were. It was more about the secrecy, and Roman sending a dick pic to his dad. You and Roman refuse to sit next to each other, causing you guys to sit at the opposite end of the desk, Logan at the head across from you two. You feared losing your job, while Roman feared losing his dad’s attention. The whole discussion was a shitshow; Roman defended himself with, “Why have an assistant I can’t fuck?”

At the end of it, before Logan told us to "Fuck off," you had to sign a release stating to report Roman if he continued anymore unsolicited messages. Before going your individual ways outside the Waystar building, Roman turned to you and kissed your head, “I knew I could make them sign off on GoJo,” he said with a smile. Discrediting the 20-minute lecture he just endured. Or the fact you two were supposed to be a secret. Both of your drivers arrived. Before going inside, Roman shouted, “Guess you have to see me tonight then,” with a dopey smile. You smiled back, rolling your eyes at his comment. You both went into your respective cars, knowing later that night, you two weren’t going to have sex.

[sachermorte]

hi roland

i noticed you use a forearm crutch and i wanted to ask for some advice, if that’s okay with you

i just got my very first forearm crutch (and mobility aid in general) today and um. it’s very scary to use it in public :’)) i just wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to give less of a fuck about people staring and judging, and how to feel more confident with using it in public

thank you :’)))

Servus, Anon, you caught me just coming back from the gym. I'm happy to talk about this before I go jump in the shower and pretend I don't exist for twenty minutes.

I've been using some flavor of mobility aid since I was around eighteen years old, so let's just round it up and call it a full decade. I started with a cane, had to upgrade to two forearm crutches three years in, and knocked myself back down to just one crutch around three or four years ago. I've been carrying around a giant metal pole for so long I don't really remember what it felt like to go without it, so I suppose I really am the best person to ask.

This is long. Table of contents provided here, cut to follow.

On Judgment

On Theater

On Discrimination

1. On Judgment

The first point I want to impress upon you is that people really, earnestly, don't give nearly as much of a fuck about you as you think they do. People are inherently self-centered. This isn't the same thing as selfish, mind you. People can be good and generous and kind while still being fundamentally self-centered. That's the price of admission for being an individual. People live in their own bodies and deal with their own problems and primarily concern themselves with their own affairs. They might look at you, but that's because the way that the human brain works is that it wants to take in new pieces of information. A young person with a mobility aid is "unusual", so they're just filing it away in their endless filing cabinet of Things That Exist On Planet Earth. It's no huge drama.

To continue on a slightly different angle, the therapist-esque "no one's judging you I promise!!! do YOU go out on the street and judge people on what they look like?" never worked on me because yes, actually, I do. I think people are out here dressed tragically and with bad haircuts and with the most hideous shoes I've ever seen, and I think it very often. But here's the thing: I see someone, I judge wholeheartedly, and then immediately move on. Any given person occupies less than two full seconds in my consciousness before I go back to what I was doing and forget about them literally forever. This is how random, shitty, petty judgments happen. These people are irrelevant to your life and your story. You will almost certainly never speak to them on the subject*. If people think about you at all, it won't even be unkind. It'll be "Oh, I wonder what's going on there. Anyway." I promise. Kerry Weaver used a forearm crutch on nine seasons of ER before it was explained, and people dealt with it just fine.

I suppose I'm lucky in that I live in Vienna. You would be hard-pressed in Vienna to get anyone to give a shit about you and what you're doing if you were shot in the street. I consider this one of the best things about the city. I've known people who only very delicately broached the subject of my crutch after knowing me for over two years. And it was when I was already complaining about my hip joint. "Ah, that's why you have the crutch, I suppose." "How very right you are." "Anyway, you were saying?" I've had multiple people mention that they forget I even have it. It just melds into their map of what Roland looks like. Doesn't even warrant thinking about. The one time I had a stranger ask me about it was three years ago, and it was a little kid. I told him it was because I never ate my vegetables. I laughed. His dad laughed. Everyone moved on. Aside from that, it only comes up if someone asks me if I might like to take their seat on public transportation (I might, indeed), or someone offering to let me use the staff elevator or waving me through a priority queue. Nobody cares.

*If you live in America, the last paragraph is unfortunately not applicable. I've experienced the height of rudeness in America. People grabbing me to ask me questions, people literally laying hands on me to pray without permission. I once had someone pull out one of my earbuds to ask me what was wrong with me. You are allowed to shout at these people. The best way to get rid of them is to make an absolute scene. I wholeheartedly advocate for tactically losing your shit. Also, your crutch was practically formulated in a lab to be good at hitting people. Consider thoroughly.

2. On Theater

Even taking all of this into account, though, having a mobility aid is new for you, and new things are frequently scary. This brings me to my very favorite tactic for navigating the world: delusion. When I have to do something I'm not used to doing, or go somewhere I'm unaccustomed to, my first thought is always "what character am I playing while I'm there?" I recently started going to the gym and always dress as Favoriten-chic as I can get with my present wardrobe. When I have to file an important piece of paperwork, I dress very respectably in gray and black. When I was at my job in the garderobe last year around a bunch of ÖVP-Wähler, I dressed mostly in vintage menswear.

What kind of characters exist in the greater public consciousness that often use canes or staves? Aristocracy is and always has been my mask of choice. You, however, might choose a swashbuckler. A Tolkien-esque wizard or someone living in The Shire. A knight. A monk. An outdoorsman. Partaker of organized crime. Jay Gatsby roaring 20s billionaire. Whatever you choose is going to be your cover until you feel like your crutch is an extension of your body and you don't need the pretense anymore. You're cosplaying. It might take a few months. A few years. You might decide you like your persona so much you never take it off. That's also fine.

Again, I live in Vienna, and people stare at you here. It's just a thing. It's culturally accepted. Half the time we're not even staring at you. We're staring through you. Einfach nur ins Narrenkastl schaun. But because I dress the way I do and move the way I do through the world, if people are staring at me, the last reason I'm going to even think about is the crutch. It's usually the outfit.

Also, that point earlier about people being fundamentally self-centered? I'm so absurdly self-absorbed it's a miracle I can even see where I'm going. I've had friends, multiple times, go "those people were STARING at you" and I honest to God did not even notice. Not even a little bit. When I have company I'm too wrapped up in saying outrageous shit. When I'm alone I always have headphones in. My leitmotiv is inescapable. Which really only helps to reinforce the vibe I'm pushing out all the time.

3. On Discrimination

If you wanted me to write that no one would treat you any differently, I'm sorry to say that that's not the case. Don't get me wrong, there are many benefits, both physical and social. Your pain will go down significantly, that's for sure. You'll be able to walk faster. You'll be able to be out longer, and experience more things. I personally get to use Cripple Privilege to get out of anything I don't want to do. I almost always get a seat on public transportation, even during rush hour. I can press-gang friends into carting shit around for me. Just yesterday I had help carting two vintage hardwood and leather dining chairs from the third to the tenth. I did not carry either of the chairs. I just trotted along and chattered everyone's ear off.

But people do tend to make assumptions about what you are and aren't capable of. The extreme praise when I started going to the gym didn't really sit right with me, and I'm not going to bother saying anything about it because what's the point? In the minds of other people, they're being supportive, not condescending. Your dating pool will shrink significantly, because again, people make assumptions about what you are and aren't capable of, and often just don't want to date a disabled person. If your partner is okay with it, their family likely won't be. My ex's family said some HORRIBLE things to and about me about how I was "dragging him down" and "forcing him to take care of me". He didn't defend me. This was the least of many, many problems with that entire relationship, but I still found it incredibly unpleasant. My issues in my love life aren't solely due to my condition, so don't fall into despair prematurely, but I can't pretend that it isn't a contributing factor.

After that relationship ended, I wound up cutting out most of our former mutual friends, not only because of their lack of support, but due to them constantly posting those pastel uwu "you're so valid!!!" positivity and (mis)information posts surrounding disabilities, which felt incredibly infantilizing and condescending. Again, I'm sure they would insist they were being supportive. If I ever see another one of those posts again it'll be too soon.

In any case. You will live a long, meaningful, fruitful life. And the crutch will be a part of you. For now. For a while. Maybe forever. That's okay. That's fine. Maybe in ten years you'll be just as jaded and nonchalant about the whole business like I am now. That doesn't make your apprehension about the situation any less real. But I'm telling you now that the life you want always lies on the other side of a massive pain in the ass.

You'll muddle through somehow, with alternating bouts of clumsiness and grace. We all do, after all.

[thebetawolfgirl]

Bonding Time

Pairing:Timmy x Reader

Warnings: Smut. There’s a teeny tiny bit of toxicity between the two.

A/N: If you don’t like complete smut Smut smut then this series won’t be your cup of coco!

Bonding Time

Y/n stood on the sideline as she watched her mother saying her vows with her new man. She wondered how long this marriage would last. Don’t get her wrong, Greg was a very nice guy and he was head over heels in love with her mother and treated her like a Queen, the problem wasn’t Greg it was her mother. She changed her mind like y/n changed her jewellery, she was actually surprised when both of them announced they were getting married. The only upside of this whole thing was Greg’s son, Timothée, they didn’t like each other at first in fact they hated each other. They constantly riled each other up to the point she would turn and throw something, anything at him, an ashtray, a glass. They were always arguing and fighting, but each parent eventually ignored them saying they would get used to being around each other at some point.

But over the past few weeks something was different, they didn’t argue as much. In fact it was their parents who had began arguing more and more and they had been spending more time together usually in each other’s rooms so as not to have to listen to the fighting alone. One night something happened, during the wedding preparations both parents were arguing downstairs again and y/n was in her bed listening to the raised muffled voices when her door opened and Timothée came in shutting the door behind him. ‘Hey you okay?’

‘Yeah I’m fine, just bored of this bullshit.’ She sighed sitting up slightly.

‘The fuck are they arguing about this time?’

‘Apparently your dad invited someone called Kerry or Carrie?’

‘Terri? All this noise because of Terri?’ She nodded.

‘Who is she anyway?’

‘She’s the daughter of an old friend of my dad’s. He’s known her since she was a baby. She used to babysit me. Jesus Christ!’

Y/n sighed hearing a glass break downstairs. ‘Can you stay? I don’t want my mother crawling in beside me when she’s drunk and crying.’

Timmy looked at her before nodding in beside her and draping his arm lazily around her waist. The room was still in complete darkness so they couldn’t see each other very well but they could hear each other’s breathing.

‘I’m sorry for throwing that ashtray at you, I was just in one of my bad moods’

‘It’s fine, I deserved it. I shouldn’t have handled you like that.’

They looked at each other in the dark their eyes adjusting slowly.

‘Why did you act offended when Stacey asked you that truth?’

She could feel his breath on her face as he asked the question.

‘I don’t know. I think it’s because she asked the question, if anyone else asked it would’ve been a simple no.’

She felt him nod and heard his hum.

‘Why do you care?’

‘I don’t, I was just as pissed off as you when Stacey asked it.’

‘I think she wanted to know because she wants to fuck you. I mean you have been dating for 3 weeks why haven’t you slept with her yet?’

‘She’s not as soft as you are’ he mumbled in reply before he pulled her closer getting more comfortable around her and she sighed shuffling down against her bed to get comfortable with him and ended up tangled with him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. ‘True I am built more softly than Stacey whereas she’s all muscle and hard and… manish.’ She made a face and began playing with his hair ‘What the hell is she training for’

‘Maybe she’s training to kick your ass’ he mumbled against her chest sniggering

She glared at his head in the dark and moved her knee between his legs but before she could reach her target he grabbed her throat and pushed her head back into the pillow ‘Don’t even think about it little girl’

‘Ow, Timmy fuck off, fine you win.’

She grabbed his wrist and struggled against him before he let her go ‘Good. And I always win.’

He smirked and wrapped his around again and she did the same mumbling ‘Dick’

She felt his smirk grow wider and sat up slightly pulling him up by his hair and licked a trail from his chin to his top lip hearing the noise in the back of his throat and smirked hearing him grumble ‘Fuck you’re such a bitch y/n.’

She chuckled at him laying back again. They started playing this game of having the last word, only it had become more physical although this was the first time she had done that. He lay down again this time on top of her and rested his chin on her chest between her breasts.

‘It’s gone quiet, who do you think walked out first this time?’ He asked as she listened too ‘Hmm sounds like both of them. It’s too quiet if that makes sense?’ He nodded agreeing with her.

‘Let’s just stay here and enjoy this peace while it lasts.’

She looked at his shadow and nodded in agreement and ran her hands up his back and brought her knees up so he was resting between her legs and listened to him sigh contentedly and moved her fingers through his curls ‘You don’t let Stacey do this do you?’

He closed his eyes and made a negative noise ‘I don’t let Stacy lick me either, I also don’t lay on her like this.’

She listens to his breathing calmly and continues to rub his back under his shirt before he sits up and removes it laying back on top of her. ‘Better.’ She instantly moves to run her fingers over his back when he lifts her pyjama top up mumbling ‘More skin’

She nods and pulls it off tossing it aside letting him bury his face in her chest.

‘Fuck this foreplay, Timmy just fuck me.’

‘Thank fuck’ he rips the rest of their clothes off and rams into her without warning knocking the air out of her lungs, as he flips them pulling her on top to ride him. Once she gets her breath back she does exactly that and goes hard not holding back as he runs his hands up and down her torso grabbing parts of skin he can reach.

He sits up with her and kisses and bites her neck and shoulder wrapping his arm around her waist and digs his fingers into her ribs making her gasp and throwing her head back.

‘Ah Timmy.’ She grabs him by his neck with both hands and kisses him open mouth pushing backwards riding him into the mattress. He felt the whole bed frame move with them the headboard hitting the back wall, he hoped the house was empty because no one would mistake these noises downstairs. They broke the kiss and y/n buried her head against his neck and rode him harder panting as he gripped onto her skin damp with sweat and he rammed his hips upwards to meet hers feeling his eyes roll back into his head from the joint force and heard her squealing against his neck and felt her nails drag down his back as they came together as their orgasms exploded around them. They were both sticking together on their skin with perspiration panting against each other heavily.

Y/n lifted her head and he pushed her hair from her face and kissed her sloppily which she returned with tongue. They broke away still licking each other trying to catch their breathes before rolling her over and laying on her chest.

‘What now?’ He asked as she played with his hair again.

‘Let’s call this our bonding time.’

He chuckled and moved his head up trailing his tongue and teeth up her chest and neck before reaching her mouth ‘We should have more bonding time.’ She smirked against his mouth before breaking away licking up his lips again. ‘We will.’

@sufferingstarlight

@gatoenlaciudad

@kteezy997

@lixzey

@tchalamss

[envihellbender]

Which Succession character would you take to a fancy dinner to impress everyone

For the charm offence:

Shiv’s main skill is her ability to persuade and charm when it comes to those outside of the family. Pierce considered selling to Logan instantly if they made Shiv the CEO, she is referred to as “the nice one” on SNL, and she got Gil Eavis to meet with her dad. This is why she was so successful in politics, and could’ve continued to be if she wasn’t manipulated into leaving. As the girl she was always forced into the position of charming her dad to get his attention as she was instantly shut out from the business. This was clearly a defence mechanism because she felt abandoned by her mother who said she chose her dad. This brings us to the fact that Shiv feels threatened by other matriarchal figures (Marcia, for example) and tries to replace them. She often considers them a threat, especially when it comes to her relationship with her dad. All of those shows she doesn’t go for brutal, up front fights like Connor, Kendall, or Logan. She is subtle and tries to butter people up first, she knows when she needs to be charming.

She can lead a whole social event and knows exactly when to be flattering, when to pull out the banter, and when to bring up work. She knows what people want and need, she knows what people want to hear (this is shown when it comes to the Anniversary where Shiv is the only one who gives Logan what he wants as a present.) So long as no one offered her a stake in a company to betray me I think she’d be a good choice.

For the Business opportunities:

Stewy knows all the right people and he is somewhat loyal so long as he knows he is getting a hefty paycheck. He is very good at reading people and situations, for example during the vote of no confidence he knew when to back out and cut his losses. That being said, once he agrees to work with someone, if the money and security looks good, he is somewhat loyal. For example, he works for Sandy and Sandi from the beginning, and it’s shown in season three that not even money will sway him away from them, and he is still loyal to Sandi even after Sandy’s brain is going.

If it is purely a social event:

I admit I’m a little bit biased with this one because Roman is my favourite but I do have a genuine reason for this one. So when Roman is around his family he becomes the younger, annoying brat type. He becomes the archetype in abusive families known as the joker and sets himself up to be the scapegoat. He desperately wants to impress his dad, and later Kendall. This all shows he is extremely unimpressive. However, if we assume that this isn’t a Waystar or Roy event I actually think he’d be a decent choice.

In season one when collecting people to support a vote of no confidence against Logan Roy, Roman immediately says he will take Lawrence Yee. His reasoning is they know each other from a party they went to and get along really well. When we get to the restaurant later with Roman, Lawrence, and Lawrence’s husband Roman does actually come across as extremely charming. He’s even a little flirtatious (more so in the script) and manages to persuade them based essentially just on having the gift of the gab. It’s one of those circumstances where we see that when Roman is in a social situation without any pressure from the outside he actually can do quite well.

Another little detail I always quite like is that he is the only one who defends and is kind to Kerry after Logan’s death. Roman and Shiv I think both feel to me like if they had a different upbringing they’d be alright people.

[billystoilet]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences.

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence. Major Character Death.

Categories: M/M. F/M. Other.

Fandoms: Saw (Movies). Insidious (Movies).

Relationships: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon.

Characters: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight. Lawrence Gordon. Diana Gordon. Alison Gordon. Amanda Young. Mark Hoffman. Allison Kerry. David (Saw 0.5). Specs (Insidious). Scott Tibbs. Original Characters.

Language: English

Words: 5,015

**

“I-I wouldn’t lie to you.”

The words repeated over and over in Adam's head, stinging his aching heart as bile rose and settled in his throat. Ricocheting off the walls, echoing louder and louder even though they were only in his mind. He could feel his chest wavering while he tried to catch his breath through the fever, but not even the sound of his ragged breath could subdue Lawrence's voice. Adam was losing track of time and how long he'd been stuck in place as the pitch black swallowed everything around him, but the ticking clock kept going. Synchronizing and pulsing with his heartbeat, which only made his head spin more.

He felt as if his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets as they strained to overlook the darkness, growing a headache that he could feel in the deep depths of his whole cranium. He leaned his head back against the tile, resting the side of his head against what he could only assume was a pipe and squeezed his eyes shut.

He needed to get out of there.

The pressure in his stomach quivered dangerously and it took all of his strength to swallow the tension down, chin shivering through the need to vomit. In fact, his whole body was shivering; tears streaming down his face, knees shaking where they were pressed against his chest and teeth chattering to the point his jaw ached. Adam knew he was losing blood fast, but his focus on the ghost of Lawrence's voice couldn't cease as it was the only thing from making him truly lose his mind.

Or he had already lost his mind.

The glow-in-the-dark paint on the wall had been Adam's only source of light in the couple of hours after the door closed, but it wasn't long before it completely faded and the room had been just as dark as it was when he first woke up. Because of the lack of sight, Adam found his other senses to refine too quickly than he would've wanted and his suffering only heightened. The air's corpse smell only worsened, the blood on his hands and the dirt under his nails felt thicker, the void of silence could only throb louder.

He really needed to get out of there.

The rough metal of the shackle bit into Adam's ankle every time he tried to pull on the chain, a bruised ache forming around his gaunt bones. Rationally, he knew if he kept pulling on it then he could injure himself further, but it was that he wasn't rationally thinking. All he knew was that he wanted the chain off. Soon, there was a warm substance of what could only be blood start to build around his ankle and roll down his foot that made him stop short for a moment. He thought it was a good idea at first, pull on the chain until something happened, but he only stopped when a loud crack echoed in the room and his legs folded under him. Punching the floor, he angrily screamed until he could barely catch his breath, but only ended up crying, curled as tightly as he could on his side.

That fucking sucked.

Sitting now in silence besides his erratic breathing, Adam thought about the time he went to the beach as a kid. He wasn't sure why it came to mind so suddenly, but the memory seemed so vivid. He remembers how his family didn't normally have opportunities to do fun things like going to the beach together—his dad always either too busy getting drunk or too busy at work or just plain right too uninterested—but it was a day he couldn't forget. He was only six years old, straying from his brothers as he was so confident that he was old enough to be out on his own. Walking out in the shore a piece of seaweed had wrapped around his ankle just in time before a wave came and knocked him down. All he could think of was how cold the water was.

Maybe that's why the memory resurfaced so clearly. The way his fingers were trembling, the hairs on his arms standing straight up, his teeth chattering and his lungs growing tight like he was drowning. In his daze, he found it hard telling apart the memory from what he's seeing right in front of him—if he could see at all, at least. The shackle around his ankle shifted from the cold, sturdy feeling to soft and slimy with the likeness of seaweed.

Read more on AO3. (free to guests)

[mermaidsirennikita]

Im pretty sure you had an enemies to lovers list but I can’t find it 😭 so can I request a list of the best enemies to lovers you’ve read?

Sure! I will say, I definitely have gotten a bit stricter about what constitutes enemies to lovers for me. There's dislike, and then there's being an ENEMY.

Paranormal:

A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole. Enemies in that, though they are fated mates and he knows this, he hates her because she's a vampire and he's been trapped under the Parisian catacombs for 150 years in eternal flame, tortured by vampires. She does not love the fact that he kidnaps her, her family comes to kill him, it goes on.

Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole. Enemies in that her brother rules his stolen kingdom and she is enlisted to seduce and kidnap him, and subsequently get him to impregnate her with the heir to the throne so they can like... kill him. Again, they know they're mates, but THE GAME IS V MUCH ON.

Dreams of a Dark Warrior by Kresley Cole. They're fated and have actually been lovers in all of his previous lifetimes... but each time they do consummate it, he dies shortly after and gets reincarnated again. She intended to avoid him to spare him, but oops, in this lifetime he's a militant anti-immortal warrior who's kidnapped her and is now holding her prisoner on an island. This is inteeeense.

Lothaire by Kresley Cole. He's an evil 3,000 vampire, she's a 24-year-old human who he believes has been possessed by the soul of his fated mate. His intent is to have her own soul taken from her so his mate can stay there permanently—her intent is to not have that happen. By any means necessary. Very much a Clash of the Titans type EtL in terms of willpower.

Evernight by Kristen Callihan. Victorian paranormal, the heroine is like... a witch who manipulates metal and also a mad scientist lol... the hero is a vampiric demon type. She was used to warp his body by an evil villain, he's out to basically force her to fix him, BUT THEN it turns out that the only way he feels peace is when she's touching him, oops!

Fantasy:

The Winter King by C.L. Wilson. After her brother kills his entire family, their nations go to war and he wins. As a part of the peace treaty, she's forced to marry him, but it's with the understanding (on her end) that she'll probably be an agent from within, and he's aware of this. Also, there's a lowkey threat that if she doesn't get pregnant within a year, he'll put her on like. A glacier. Lmao

The Witch Walker Series by Charissa Weaks. Begins as this for the core hero and heroine; he's the "witch collector" who takes witches to some mysterious locale from which they're never heard of again, he took her sister years ago, she intends to get her sister back and also kILL HIM. Even after they fall in love, however, you've still got a great secondary romance going on between one of the main villains (an evil prince with amnesia) and one of the main good guys (a hot disaster bi winter king who's like "but what if I healed his heart with the power of love").

The Kingdom of the Wicked Trilogy by Kerri Maniscalco. The heroine is a witch who wants to get vengeance for her identical twin's murder. There are tons of spoilers I can't give away here, but suffice to say... the hero..... has a lot going on that leads to EtL situations lol. Throne of the Fallen is a standalone spinoff that also has these vibes. Very much "enemies who reluctantly have to work together" throughout these novels.

The Hurricane Wars by Thea Guanzon. Very classic EtL, hero and heroine are on the opposing side of a war, he's all shadow she's all light, an arranged marriage MIGHT be on the table...

A Heart of Blood and Ashes by Milla Vane. Another reluctant EtL situation, but their enemy deal is pretty heavy because her dad killed his parents. Recently! However, she also wants her dad dead, so they enter into a betrothal situation with zero trust.

Historical:

A Kingdom of Dreams by Judith McNaught. They're very literally on the opposite sides of a political conflict (he's English, she's Scottish, it's medieval times) and he has her kidnapped at the beginning of the book. The king does force them to marry, and they're not happy about it!

The Widow's Kiss by Jane Feather. She's a Tudor era lady who's recently been widowed for the fourth time, each time enriching her more. He's the guy Henry VIII sends in to investigate her for murder, essentially... also, he benefits if she loses her lands (which would likely also end in her execution). There's a ton of distrust here, and it is very fun.

A Rose at Midnight by Anne Stuart. He's sorta responsible in part for her family dying in the Reign of Terror, she's become a cook in his cousin's house, and when he shows up there (because he's waiting out whether or not this guy he shot in a duel will die, he's the worst) she tries to kill him! And then goes on the run when it doesn't work! Definitely pretty damn dark, a true enemies to lovers book, TW TW for dubcon and past noncon and a ton of of other shit.

Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale. The hero takes the heroine and forces her to marry him as a part of his political scheme. He's crazy and murderous, she hates him... until she starts to learn from him. TW for noncon first encounter.

The Viper by Monica McCarty. The hero and heroine had an almost-thing years ago, but then he basically dropped the ball and she ended up being imprisoned and separated from her kid for years. Now they're reunited, and the beef remains VERY real and the trust is ZERO.

When a Rogue Meets His Match by Elizabeth Hoyt. The hero is the henchman for the heroine's evil uncle; and he's about to quit his job when the uncle is like, "do one last thing for me and you can marry my niece". To which the hero says "GREAT! LOVE THAT FOR ME!" She does not love that for him, and in fact begins plotting. If he dies, he dies.

Dark:

Mafia Mistress/Darling, Mafia Madman, and Mafia Target by Mila Finelli. A guy who kidnaps a girl to have her marry his son, then decides to make her his mistress! ANOTHER kidnapper, this time with more hatred and both of them deciding to destroy each other! An assassin falling for his target while still vowing to kill him! This is the stuff fairy tales are made of.

King's Captive by Amber Bardan. I mean. He kills her dad in the beginning of the book and keeps her on his private island for years. She's not thrilled, and she does want out.

In Sierra Simone's Lyonesse series (MMF), Tristan and Mark are not enemies... and Tristan and Isolde are not enemies... But Mark and Isolde are in an arranged marriage in which she is trying to learn his secrets to take him down from within, and he is Terrified of Feelings while also being like I ALWAYS WIN, ISOLDE. So. Yeah. Begin with Salt in the Wound to find out Why They Are The Way They Are.

[vivwritesfics]

Hooked On A Feeling

Chapter Twenty-Four - Milo's Birthday

Daniel is a Formula One driver, but, more importantly, he was a single dad to a wonderful little girl. He wants her to be a normal little girl, to have a normal social life, so he sends her to daycare. That was where she met Milo, her future best friend.

Milo's mother was incredibly stressed. She worked so hard to provide a good life for her son. But then he makes a new friend, a friend who has a hot dad (ofc they fall in love)

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Single Dad!Daniel x Single Mum!Reader

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That night, the night after her run in with Kerry-Ann, she found herself at the kitchen table. Her old, beaten up laptop sat open in front of her and she typed away, writing her story.

She hadn't opened her laptop since their Monaco trip. A small glass on wine sat on the placemat beside her laptop. She brought it to her lips, finishing off the glass before she put it back down and returned to her writing.

"Momma?"

Her head snapped towards the door. "Munchkin, what're you doing up?" She asked as she saved her work and closed her laptop (every time she did, it was a wonder whether it would turn back on again).

Milo slipped into the seat opposite her, sitting on his hands. He rocked gently from side to side as he looked at his mother. "My bed at Danny's house is comfier," he muttered. It wasn't Milo's bed, just the bed in the guest bedroom that had been decorated with enough stuffed toys that the bed beneath was barely visible.

But it might has well have been Milo's bed.

"He'll be back soon, munchkin," she said and pushed her laptop away. "I miss him and Olivia, too."

Leaving her laptop on the table, she put her glass in the sink with the rest of the dishes and waited for Milo to stand up. Together, they headed back upstairs. She tucked Milo in and headed to her own bedroom.

It was the middle of the day in whichever part of the world Daniel was in. She called him, holding the phone to her ear as she called him.

It didn't take Daniel very long to pick up. The moment she heard his voice, she couldn't hide the elation she was filled with. Not that she had anybody to hide it from.

"Hey, honey," he said. Daniel sat outside of the AlphaTauri hospitality unit, coffee in front of him.

"Hi, Danny," she said quietly. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," He replied.

She didn't want to bring up her unpleasant encounter with Kerry-Ann. Not yet, anyway. They talked, talked about how the Grand Prix weekend was going, talked about how Milo had been enjoying school since he left

"He misses you, too," she said to him, and Daniel chucked. There was nothing she could have said to him that would have made him happier. "Danny, we need to talk about something."

From across the world, she couldn't see as his face fell. "What's the matter? Did something happen? Is it Olivia?"

"No, no," she said quickly. "No, Danny. I had a run in with Kerry-Ann earlier. And I know it's stupid, I know she was just trying to get into my head, but I can't stop thinking about what she said to me."

"What did she say to you?" He asked. He had sat up straighter in his seat, his posture tense.

She sucked in a breath. "First she... she accused me of being with you for your money. Which, I swear I'm not interested in you for money, Danny. I love the person you are inside, I swear."

"It's okay, sweets. I know. She was the one with me for my money, not you. I know you're not." He let out a breath. "What else did she say?"

Guilt ran through her. She knew this bit wasn't true, either. She knew how Daniel felt about her. But still, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. "She said that you don't love me," she said. "She said that you won't ever love me."

Silence. That was maybe the worst thing he could have done. Daniel said nothing. He didn't say a single thing to her for a good minute. Oh God, she was going to throw up.

But then Daniel let out a breath. "I did love Kerry-Ann. I loved her enough to have a child about her. But she showed who she really was after Olivia was born. I can't love someone that awful. She's got it in head that it's impossible I don't love her. So she thinks I can't love."

He paused, giving her a second to soak it in. "She's wrong, though. She thinks I can't love, but I love you so much that sometimes, I don't understand how it's possible. I don't understand how I can be so in love with another human being. But I am. I'm in love with you and I can't wait to buy you a ring."

She couldn't stop herself from gasping. "You don't mean that."

"Fuck, baby, I do. I've been gone a day and I just can't stop thinking about you. I know it might be soon but I can't help but dream about a future with you."

She couldn't stop herself from crying, sobs muffled by her pillow. "I can't wait for you to come home," she said through her cries.

Now, their reunion after the Grand Prix weekend was exactly what you'd think it would be. It was sweet and loving. Daniel took the four of them out for dinner and then, well, he didn't let her out of bed very much after that.

The next two months were bliss. Pure bliss.

With every Grand Prix that went by, things got a little easier. Nothing Kerry-Ann said could affect her, not when she knew how much Daniel loved her.

But then they ran into a bump. Daniel hadn't thought to ask when Milo's birthday was. But they were coming up to a year ad still, Milo hadn't celebrated his sixth birthday yet.

But then, a few weeks before the Vegas Grand Prix, she started coming home with presents. She snuck them into the house and hid them under the bed they shared.

"What's this?" He asked, watching the third time she pushed a toy beneath the bed.

She sat up and dusted off her hands. "Presents. For Milo's birthday."

Daniel moved closer to her. "Honey, when is Milo's birthday?" He asked. He had several Grand Prix coming up; he just had to hope that Milo's birthday didn’t fall on one of those weekends.

"23rd," she answered.

"What, November?"

"November."

"Fuck!" Daniel couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop the words escaping his lips. "Shit, baby. I'm in Vegas that weekend." His head fell against his shoulder and he let out a huff. "I'm gonna get him something good, I promise."

She ran her fingers through his curls. "I know you will, Danny," she said and kissed his forehead.

"I'll arrange for a party, too. And then we can do some when I'm back."

That was exactly how Daniel spent the next few weeks, planning and arranging Milo's birthday. Just like Olivia's birthday, he arranged for a custom made cake. There was a bouncy castle, a magician and more. Daniel was going to do whatever he could to give Milo the best birthday ever.

Milos birthday came around and Daniel wasn't there. Milo said he understood, but everybody could tell just how upset he was. Even more so when Kerry-Ann refused to bring Olivia to the party.

He spent most of his party in his bedroom. The bouncy castle, the custom made cake, the magician. He wanted none of it if his family wasn't all there together.

So Milo didn't enjoy his birthday on the day he turned six. He missed Daniel, he missed Olivia, enjoying it was near impossible. But he did enjoy the cake, the dinosaur cake Daniel had gotten for him.

Daniel was home the next day. He picked Olivia up from her mothers on the way and took them back to his home. Where she was waiting. With sweet, sweet Milo.

"Don't tell Milo, okay Livvy?" Daniel said to her as they pulled up outside. "It's meant to be a surprise."

Olivia mimmicked locking her lips and throwing away the key. She pulled her backpack onto her shoulders and followed her father up to the house. "Did you have fun at the party?" He asked as he pushed the key into the lock and twisted it.

"Oh, mummy wouldn't let me go to the party," she said and walked in, running up to her bedroom.

"What?!" Daniel cried as he dropped his bags.

His shout alone got the attention of everybody in the house. Milo came running down stairs (after his reunion with Olivia) to jump into his arms and she, his beautiful, wonderful girlfriend, came from the kitchen.

Daniel hugged Milo and let him go as he strode towards her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he held her waist. "Hi, baby," she said and kisssd him.

Daniel kissed her back, but pulled away quickly. "Kerry-Ann didn't let her come to Milo's party," he muttered. "That bitch didn't let Olivia go to the party."

"It's okay," she whispered, running her hands through his hair in a soothing manner. "It's okay. We're gonna go and have a nice dinner tonight, right?"

He nodded. "Right. Yeah. Really nice dinner."

Daniel wanted full custody of Olivia. More than anything in the world, he wanted full custody. But, first, he was gonna marry this girl.

a/n: we have reached the penultimate chapter of the Hooked On A Feeling series!! One more to go (but im definitely doing a follow up series dw)

TAGLIST (CLOSED): @biancathecool @rewmuslupin @prettiest-at-the-party @hellowgoodbye @spideybv28 @andydrysdalerogers @landossainz @purplephantomwolf @ggaslyp1 @layazul @phantomxoxo @minseok-smaus @gills-lounge @hollie911 @annispamz @lily-ann-b @cixrosie @amalialeclerc @teamnovalak @tallrock35 @chiliwhore @darleneslane @sava207 @thatsusbitch @formulaal @leptitlu @landosgirlxoxo @msolbesg @cherry-piee @bathedinheat @chanshintien @ilove-tswizzle @woozarts @trouble-sistar @mysticalnightenthusiast @lewisvinga @spilled-coffee-cup @starkeyellow @fxrmuladaydreams @viennakarma @lightdragonrayne @millinorrizz @xemiefx @ellies-world61 @the-depressed-fellow

[havve05]

Joe keery - instagram au

Liked by Milliebobbybrown, sadiesink,yourmom and others

Yourusername owner of my heart <3

Tagged joekeery

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Milliebobbybrown miss you guys so much ❤️

^yourusername we miss you too mills 🫶

Liked by Josephquinn,Gatenm123,username and others

Joekeery mrs Kerry is kerrying baby Keery 👶🤰🤍

Tagged yourusername

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^yourusername we'll always love you sadie 💕

Milliebobbybrown my new little bestie 👶🥺

Liked by joekeery

Yourmom you guys really deserve this 💕 so happy for you guys 🤍

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Liked by yourmom,Josephquinn,noahschnapp and others

Yourusername why grow flowers when you can grow a baby 👶🌸

Tagged joekeery

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Joekeery strongest woman I know, love you honey ❤️

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Sadiesink your going to be the best mom in the whole world ❤️

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[mhbcaps]

I was tagged by @miss--river @pinkyjulien and @wraithsoutlaws and this time I'm actually doing the thing I was tagged in XD thank you! If anyone hasn't been tagged yet, do it and say I tagged you - I mean it!!!!

OC INTERVIEW

🟦🟪 David Lozano & Viggo Day

▪ NICKNAME:

"Can call me V."

"What about that adorable nickname Heiress has for you?"

"Oh, yeah. Old lady I used to train with, she calls me Big Blue. What, you think that's cute?"

"I do, I love it! I'd call you that too but it feels like a special thing just for her. Like how your mom sometimes calls you--"

"Yeah, and this is Gogo, 'cause they never know when to fuckin' stop."

"That's me!"

▪ GENDER:

"Hell if I know! Just write down n/a. Or, no, write down "fun"! I'm not a boy or a girl, I'm fun."

"Could also write down "loud.""

"That too. And you're cis."

"Yeah. That's the one where you stuck with whatever they wrote on--yeah. Cis male."

▪ ORIENTATION:

"Oh, I like anyone who's got muscles and looks good doing manual labor. Like, all strong and sweaty. No, seriously! Not everyone looks good like that. Like, V does, but Sanctuary--our friend Sanctuary--wouldn't. They're hot too, though. Is it weird to say I'm attracted to anyone who looks like they can provide for me? Or like, kill someone for me. I wouldn't want them to, but... y'know."

"...Right. And I like men."

▪ NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY:

"Ah, shit, I always get confused by this."

"Nationality is your country, so we're both from the NUSA."

"Right, and ethnicity is like... your culture?"

"Yeah, without getting too complicated. So you're Mexican."

"Little bit of Italian, too. Had a Nonna when I was a kid. Been dead a long time, though."

"You're depressing them!"

"You're about to make it worse. Go on, kid, tell us about your family."

"They don't need to know the sordid details. My dad was Chinese, but my mom's family and the clan raised me, so I'm closer to Mexican. See? Not depressing at all!"

▪ HEIGHT:

"My heels are deceiving you, I'm only five-two."

"Five-ten."

"Ooh, so close to six."

"And you're nowhere near it."

▪ STAR SIGN:

"Misty keeps tellin' me and I forget every time."

"You're a Capricorn, and I'm an Aries. You know both our symbols have horns? Oh, new tattoo idea!"

"I'm down."

━

▪ FAVE FRUIT:

"Have you ever even eaten a fruit? Like a real one?"

"Kerry gave me a mango, one time. It was okay. I like the fucked up little strawberries we have here more."

"Oh, I love those. Yeah, strawberries for both of us."

▪ FAVE SEASON:

"I love summer, but the heat makes me really sick if I'm not careful. So spring, I guess. Before the temps get too high."

"Winter, I think. Quieter in winter."

▪ FAVE FLOWER:

"Poppies! Look, I even have them tattooed. I adore poppies."

"Roses. No reason, I just think they're pretty, I guess."

"That's a reason!"

▪ FAVE SCENT:

"Hm. What's the scent you use, V?"

"Sandalwood. Dunno what that is, but it's what the lotion bottle says."

"Okay, then sandalwood."

"Really?"

"Well, I like a lot of smells, but you're what came to mind first."

"Man, now I don't wanna say mine. 'Cause it's not whatever you're wearing."

"You don't like my perfume?"

"It's not bad, it's just not my favorite. I like vanilla."

"Ooh, vanilla is good. Especially when it's all warm."

━

▪ COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE:

"This one roasts me all the time 'cause I like brown sugar in my coffee. Like they don't put syrup in theirs."

"Okay, I do not roast you. I just have to point out that it's weird. Every time."

"See?"

▪ AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP:

"Oh, I sleep like a rock. Usually at least 6 hours, but I'll nap during the day, too. Especially when it's hot out."

"Not many."

▪ DOG OR CAT PERSON:

"Cats. Glad they're starting to make a comeback."

"Me too. Some areas that my clan would camp in had a feral dog problem, so I've never liked them. I haven't met many cats, but they've all been chill."

▪ DREAM TRIP:

"I'd love to visit somewhere tropical. Someplace with a clean beach and nice water. Or somewhere snowy. Doesn't Japan have both?"

"Fuck if I know. I'm not really into traveling these days. Seen enough of this planet."

▪ NUMBER OF BLANKETS THEY SLEEP WITH:

"Oh, this is a funny story. V and I used to live together in this horrible little one-room apartment, and I had to get rid of my mattress because something chewed a hole in it, so V let me share his bed until I could get a new one."

"Couldn't let you sleep on the floor. Would've been eaten alive by the roaches."

"It was still really sweet of you. Anyway, I guess he got used to having me there, and after I got a new mattress and went back to my bed, he kept getting more pillows until there was a human sized pile under the blanket."

"How do you know it was 'cause of you? Maybe I just like havin' a lot of pillows to choose from."

"Okay, okay. Sure. If that helps you sleep at night."

"Nah, my sixteen pillows help me sleep at night."

"Wait, shit, they were asking about blankets, weren't they?"

▪ RANDOM FACT:

"You say one about me, and I'll say one about you."

"Hm. Gogo has a degree in mechanical engineering. Or most of one, right?"

"Well, we don't really have degrees, but I was working on my specialization when Augie got registered and we went static to take care of him. So, yeah, close to a degree. I would've had a special patch on my jacket and eventually been part of the logistics team."

"You ever regret not finishing?"

"No, Augie's more important."

"Yeah. I get that."

"Now, a random fact I know about V, is his favorite meal ever is fried polenta and spicy sausage."

"Yep. I'll never turn that shit down."

"And I like it 'cause it reminds me of cooking in camp with my clan. It's good stuff."

"Yeah."

🟦🟪

[shivvroys]

the cost of our desired wrongs

shivlina oneshot set during 'too much birthday'

for @jeniffercheck <333 and part of the shivlina fic exchange

cw: panic attacks

read below or on ao3

hold me like we're dying from the liquor that we drank down in hotel rooms,

to feel warm in cold love

-

Karolina’s already worn out by the time she gets to the venue. But the world moves to the sway of Logan Roy’s hand, so here she is, still dressed in her work clothes and bickering with a girl that has rhinestones glued to the inner corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have you on the list.” The girl looks far from sorry.

It takes all of Karolina’s strength not to flick those stupid little gems clean off the girl’s face. Instead, she puts on her tightest smile, and pulls out her phone, ready to text Logan a sincere apology and go home. He’d been giving her shit ever since Kendall’s meltdown at the press conference. One more temper tantrum would be just another drop in the bucket.

“No fucking way. Look sis, Dad got us a new nanny.” Roman’s shrill voice sends an irritating shiver down her spine, like nails on a chalkboard. “She’s taller than an SUV, right? Just making sure.”

“Hello, Roman.” She turns to see Roman and Shiv walking in, with Tom trailing behind them like an overgrown shadow. Soon enough, Connor and Willa join them. Karolina starts to get a nauseating feeling of déjà vu.

“Hi, guys.” she greets the rest of the Roy litter. Shiv raises a pointed eyebrow.

“Hi, Karolina. Dad doesn’t think we can sweeten the swede without someone holding our hand, or are you just here to keep Kendall from nailing himself to a golden Supreme cross?” The green dress and tussled curls almost dull the sting of Shiv’s dig. Even as a joke, the suggestion of holding Shiv’s hand in public settles like lead in her belly.

Before she gets the chance to respond, Connor cuts in.

“I just want to say, before the flies starts buzzing—this had nothing to do with my physical prowess. I was inebriated.”  He points to the brace on his arm. Jesus fucking Christ, this family.

“I’m sure no one would doubt that.” He seems to take that as a compliment, judging by the way his eyes light up. Next to him, Willa shoots her a pointed glare, her arm wrapping tighter around Connor’s uninjured one.

As the rest of the group pass by the girl at the entrance and her stupid fucking list, Shiv hangs back, turning to Karolina.

“What, cold feet?” she asks, pointing to the nauseating pink hallway leading into the club.

“I’m not on the list, apparently.” Karolina shrugs.

“Unfortunately, I can’t let guests in unless they’re on the list.” the girl pipes up, gripping her little clipboard like a life raft.

Shiv throws Karolina a wicked smile, before pinning the girl down with a glare.

“Well she’s on Forbes’s 50 Most Powerful Women in Media. That good enough of a fucking list for you?” She barely lets the girl gasp out a surprised breath, before all but dragging Karolina with her down the hallway. Neither of them turn back to check on the girl.

“That was mean.” Karolina lets out a quiet laugh.

“Well, she better get over it if she doesn’t want those cool rhinestones to fall off with the tears.” she says, her brows furrowed in faux concern. Bathed in the pink glow of the hallway, she looks softer, blurry at the edges in a way that makes Karolina want to grasp her, lest she vanishes into the glowing light. Like a fata morgana, luring Karolina out into the deep end.

“So, uh, did dad really send you to chaperone us?” Shiv asks.

“I don’t know.” she sighs. “He just told me to make sure nothing gets out of hand. You know what he’s like…”

“Never met a room he couldn’t walk into and be the epicenter of, yeah. He’s probably got Kerry refreshing Twitter every two seconds, fiending for updates.” she shakes her head, amused. He was, and he’s had Kerry forward each one to Karolina as well.

As they approach the end of the hallway, Tom’s tall frame comes into view. Shiv pauses, looking down before addressing Karolina.

“Hey, I’ll, uh, see you around? Later?” her lips are pouted and pink, and so terribly inviting, but the looming shadow at the end of the hallway reminds Karolina of who she is, and who she is with.

“I don’t know, Shiv.”

She resists the urge to reach a hand over and smooth out the tiny wrinkles forming between Shiv’s brows, instead breaking eye-contact and looking straight ahead until they’ve reached Tom, where she leaves Shiv behind.  Back on the cold shore, the sand feels like shards of glass under Karolina’s feet, the glow of her beautiful mirage burning even brighter on the back of her eyelids as she walks away from it.

-

She’s two martinis down and fresh out of a very uncomfortable encounter with Kendall, when Logan calls. Karolina wishes the shitty techno music were loud enough to drown out the man’s rough beratement. He’s mad that Karolina hasn’t been keeping enough tabs on all of his children while simultaneously tracking Matsson’s whereabouts. She doesn’t bother trying to explain to the man that his children aren’t joined at the hip, and she can’t split herself into every goddamn corner of the massive club, and even if she could, they were all purposefully avoiding her like the plague anyway. Instead, she throws out ‘yes’s and ‘alright’s and ‘of course, Logan’s like she’s trying to calm down a rabid dog, and resists the urge to smash her phone against the bar top when he hangs up on her.

She motions to the waiter for another drink, and watches the VIP area above, where Roman, Shiv and Kendall are either making up, or breaking each other down. Her money’s on the latter.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Tom and Greg huddled together, whispering like they’re planning a heist. She can feel the dread of her own shame creep inside, but she can’t help the rush of jealousy that washes over her as she sizes Tom up. God, she needs to stop drinking gin when she’s already feeling bitter.

He’s tall, sure, and handsome in an unthreatening way, but where’s the fun in that? What universe had made him and Shiv a match? Did he make her laugh—with his broad shoulders and naïve oafishness? Did Shiv trust her heart to be safe in those big, warm hands? Was he just that good of a fuck?

Briefly, Karolina wonders what it says about her that, for all her inflated sense of superiority, she has essentially become this man’s seat warmer. 

She can’t admit to herself why the sight of him has become so unbearable lately, so she throws back her drink and leaves the bar, hoping to come up with a destination on the way.

-

The lights are starting to look fuzzy and Logan’s texts have turned silly by the time she sees Shiv again. A giant, glossy version of her, anyway.

Wife of Tom Wambsgans.

Karolina stares at the letters until they turn to giant splotches of ink in front of her glassy stare.

“Yeah, you like that?”

Karolina turns to look at Shiv leaning against the doorway.

“I don’t even remember when this picture was taken. I kind of look manic.” Shiv continues, stepping into the room until she’s right next to the giant poster. She tries to mimic the facial expression she’s wearing in the picture.

"It's good. Funny." Karolina sucks in her cheeks, looking into the half-empty glass she’s holding. She can’t remember what number she’s on, but it’s definitely one too many for the conversation she’s recklessly directing them towards.

"What? Wife of Tom Wambsgans—that’s the part you're upset about? Not the bit about me being a street-walker?” Shiv puts on an incredulous smile.

“Does that bit offend you because it implies you need the money?”

That wipes the smile away from Shiv’s face. She crosses her arms, playful mood suddenly deflated.

“Ok, what crawled up your ass and died?” she says, still trying to keep some lightness in her tone.

“It was a joke, Shiv.” It hadn’t been, but Karolina feels weightless and weighed down all at once, and her ears are still ringing from Logan’s screaming. A part of her wants to see if she can get Shiv to match that same pitch and blind outpour of anger. See if they share more than just their eyes.

“Funny.” she clenches her jaw. “Yeah, no—see, if I were making a joke, which—I am, this is a joke.” She gestures to the space between them, that great chasm of joy and fucking laughter.

“If I were making a joke I would say something like—I don’t know, how do you manage to fuck up a task so badly that your boss has to call the people you’re supposed to be tracking to ask where you are? That’s pretty funny, too, right?” she leans back against the poster, eyes narrowed into slits.

Karolina nods, gripping her glass tighter. What makes her eyes sting with tears is the fact that Shiv looks so fucking beautiful right now, her hair messier than she’d normally allow herself to have it, and a dangerous sort of reckless energy illuminating her like a halo. And all Karolina can think about is a fucking phone.

A hunter at heart, Shiv knows that sinking her teeth into frightened game sours the meat, so she knows when to back off and let her prey breathe. Make the chase last longer. And Karolina’s aware of this, she can tell when Shiv’s concern is part of a game she’s playing. So, when she sees her take a deep breath, and cock her head to the side, Karolina knows she’s just sharpening her canines.

“What’s up with that, anyway? He still upset over the press conference?” she asks, brow furrowed like she’s opening on Broadway.

Another drink and Karolina might mistake it for real kindness. Instead, she smiles tightly and shrugs.

“Maybe. Maybe he thought I looked at him funny during a meeting. Does it matter?” she says.

Being reminded that there are always bigger, angrier beasts lurking in the darkness of the forest seems to settle Shiv’s hunger for carnage, so she doesn’t press the issue further.

They are spared from having to say something to fill the silence when Roman barges into the room, instinctively sticking to Shiv’s side like a magnet. Like two blind kittens crawling their way to each other for warmth.

“Hey, I got a pin on Matsson. You coming?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Satisfied with the answer, he turns to Karolina, as if just then noticing her existence.

“Oh, hey Vesper Lynd. How’s the spying going?” he shoots her a shit-eating grin.

“Great. Thank you, Roman.” she keeps her eyes glued to the drink she’s holding.

He doesn’t say anything, throwing Shiv an amused grin before raising his own glass towards Karolina in a mock toast.

Shiv looks like she wants to say something, but it’s gone with a quick tightening of her jaw. Instead, she bumps her arm against Roman’s, motioning towards the doorway. In the haze of the colorful lighting and strong alcohol, Karolina can barely see the line that separates them as they walk away.

Like the mouth of a wave, she turns to the poster and sees that fucking headline looming above her head, its edges sharper than knives.

Wife of Tom Wambsgans.

-

“I’m sorry, Logan, but this doesn’t really fall under my—”

“Yeah, I just pay you a million a fucking year to write flashcards. Consider yourself off duty. Enjoy my son’s fucking tea party!”

Logan makes sure she also catches the fucking useless he spits out before hanging up the phone. This time, her phone gets a screen-full of sticky residue as she slams it down on the table in front of her. The screen doesn’t crack, to her disappointment, instead lighting up with more work emails she’ll probably have to deal with the next day. She doesn’t trust herself to make it to the bar without wobbling, so she wipes the phone on her pants, hoping to get some of the vodka cran off of it. All she gets is a sticky stain on her thigh and the faint urge to vomit. 

She takes that as her cue to slink back home where she can lick her wounds in peace, without a bunch of influencers gyrating against her when she’s just trying to find a spot to sit still in for five goddamn minutes. She doesn’t have the layout of the club memorized, and the flashing lights make her even dizzier than the gin, so trying to find the exit out of this sensory nightmare turns into a very treacherous journey. She can’t even tell where she’s ended up when she sees Shiv make a beeline for her. The music is louder, so all she sees is a disheveled mass of ginger curls and flashing eyes, before Shiv grabs hold of her elbow and drags her into a quieter room. It looks like a giant nursery, complete with a huge, dead-eyed teddy-bear that makes the hair on the Karolina’s neck stand up. 

Shiv doesn’t pay any attention to their deranged playmate, snapping Karolina back to attention.

"Did you know? About dad spying on Kendall's kids?"

Karolina shakes her head, trying to focus on the question. She could swear she had some justification for that prepared in the back of her mind, but she can’t find it through the fog that’s shrouded her mind for weeks like twilight in a cemetery. The only thing she can focus on is the rapid rise and fall of Shiv’s chest. Her eyes must’ve betrayed her, because Shiv takes her silence as an admission of guilt.

"Oh, so that's morally okay to you, but me being married is where you grow a fucking conscience?" Shiv scoffs, crossing her arms.

Karolina could afford many things, but never that. Not anymore.

"Do you think I get a say in what your father decides he wants done?” she tries to emphasize her point by gesticulating, but it comes out awkward and shaky, so she crosses her arms tightly instead, digging her nails into her arms in a vain attempt at sobering up. “I just wag my tail like everybody else in the room and I go fetch.”

“Well, maybe you just like fetching, Karolina.” Shiv throws out sharply.

She shouldn’t have had a sip of that fucking alcohol, because now Karolina watches Shiv’s smug smile and feels every ounce of self-restrain draining from her body. Anger swells inside of her like a balloon, and she watches herself watching it grow, bracing for its explosion. She wants to hurt Shiv in a way that she knows the other woman is familiar with. In a way that will leave them both wrecked and desolate, and begging for more. If there’s anything she’s learnt from spinning like a satellite around Logan Roy’s orbit, it’s to take a punch like sweet wine. To lap it up and stick her cup out for more.

Mostly, though, she wants to kiss Shiv. She wants to run her hands through her hair and rub soft circles along her temples, where her headaches always start. She wants to go home and have Shiv curl herself around her, her body a question mark that Karolina never wants to unravel. 

The room they are in is darker, quieter, but Karolina’s eyes still catch the glint of Shiv’s wedding band, and a loud pop goes off in her head.

“I guess you’re right, Shiv. But you don’t seem to mind when it’s you I’m fetching for, right?” she swallows harshly. “Like when you and Tom have a fight, and you need someone to fuck the anger away? Then I’m convenient.” she watches Shiv’s eyes widen.

“Oh, please! You’re going for the suffering side piece, really? I thought you had more self-respect than that.”

The teddy-bear doesn’t offer any input. The walls, though, start growing darker, crowding in on Karolina.

“No, don’t worry, I know my place in your life. Clear as fucking day.” she throws out a bitter laugh.

At least Shiv looks as haggard as she feels, though it brings Karolina more sorrow than joy.

“Right. That’s why you’ve been acting so sour, huh?” Shiv raises a hand to her chin, letting out an ironic tsk. “Funny, ‘cause I seem to remember you being the one who put out the fucking wedding announcement. And—correct me if I’m wrong, but was that not before you had your legs wrapped around my head like you were the sluttiest little cowgirl at the county fair riding the mechanical bull?” she finishes making her point by shaking her head.

Karolina can tell she’s just getting started, too, just stoking her appetite before diving in for the main course. She tries to come up with something to say, anything to make the knot in her chest release. In the dim hum of the room, she can hear her own ragged breathing. She can feel it crawling over her, that great all-encompassing dread.

She tries to draw herself up to her full height, swallowing the knot growing in her throat. “And what a good job I did, right? Almost made it seem like a real marriage.”

“Better than nothing, though, isn’t it?” Shiv puckers her lips in faux concern. “Tell me, Karolina, who’s waiting for you at home?”

Karolina doesn’t have Shiv’s boarding school background, but she went to a public high-school in a neighbourhood where every kid was fighting to be considered middle-class, so she knows how sweet passive aggression feels dripping off the tongue.

“Siobhan…” she starts. “Do you think that’s sadder than marrying someone whose eyes light up more when he sees your father than when he sees you?”

Despite the drumming in her ears, she catches Shiv’s sharp inhale as the brunt of her words hit her. It’s such a miserable type of satisfaction, to tear at the flesh of a loved one—if she could call the wound they’ve been picking at love.

It feels like a giving up and scratching at chickenpox marks. All those scars for one moment of relief. In the absence of a gentle hand to rub soothing circles of calming lotion over the marks, she supposes it’s only natural to find solace in the pain.       

“You’re fucking pathetic.” Shiv says, as if she’d been contemplating the fact since their very first meeting.

“Am I?” Karolina frowns. She can feel her chest start to strain uncomfortably. She tries to swallow, but finds it increasingly hard to do so.

“Yeah.” Shiv nods, lips downturned in disgust. “You won’t admit it to yourself, but you do like the fact that I’m married, Karolina. Because it makes you feel chosen. But the truth is, you’re just terribly, awfully, pathetically fucking common.”

A common whore, to make matters worse.

She’s not wrong. There had been times where Karolina’s indulged in the smug grin on Shiv’s face as she claimed Karolina’s body, laid her hungry fingers on it and made it hers. Stole gasps out of Karolina’s throat and made them into her own melody. And Karolina let it happened, let the cool glint of Shiv’s eyes brand her like cattle because being someone’s meant she was something to begin with.

These moments though, had been a lowering of arms, a truce at the gates of a castle made of rumpled up sheets. She supposes she should’ve seen it coming, though, because Shiv fucked like she fought – ravenously and without compromise.

“And you’re not, Shiv?” she laughs. “Why? Because your daddy’s the most powerful man in the world, and you’re his pinky?”

She presses a heavy hand to the bridge of her nose, trying to dissipate the dark spots clouding her vision.

Shiv stands before her with clenched fists and a set jaw, and Karolina fights the urge to ask for a kiss with a fist.

Shiv clears her throat, crossing her arms. “That’s why you’re fucking me, though, right?” she scoffs. “Cause you’re too afraid of dick, so I’m the closest you’ll get to fucking all that power?”

“I thought I was fucking you, Shiv. That last name is something only you keep clinging on to.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Shiv laughs. “Stick to your little corporate memos, yeah, Freud.”

“Did you actually read any Freud, or is he just the only psychoanalyst you know?” Karolina says weakly. “You should, if you haven’t—he had some very interesting things to say about fathers and daughters.”

Whatever reaction Shiv might have had, Karolina can’t see it. There’s a war drum pummelling at her head, and a dark cloud settling over her eyes. Her chest feels tight, as if gripped in an invisible vise, and very little skin and sinew separating her heart from the acrid air of the room.

It always starts like this, with crowding walls and a loud ringing that reminds her of those awful national emergency alarms. She tries to focus on Shiv’s face, but it’s hard to make her out in the darkness and the blurry veil of tears gathering in her eyes. Karolina knows she needs to get out, but finds her legs have turned to cinder blocks. Then it gets harder and harder to breathe, until she feels like she’s choking, her diaphragm caving in on itself.

She thinks she hears Shiv call out her name, but the only thing she can focus on is her own shaking hands, grasping at each other. Had she been holding something? Where was her phone? She shakes her head, managing to take a step back when she feels Shiv reaching out for her.

“Don’t. Just—just go, please.”

“Did you take something?” Shiv’s voice cuts through the ringing of her ears. She tries to laugh, but it sounds more like retching.

“Fuck.” she tries to get her breathing under control, digging the heel of her palm into her sternum.

She can’t see that well, but she feels Shiv’s hands flutter anxiously around her.

“Do you want me to get—fuck.” she pauses. “Should I go get help?” Shiv’s voice sounds miles away, a fata morgana promising Karolina something that looks like warmth.

“Just go. Please.” she chokes out. Even under the crushing weight pressing on her chest, Karolina cringes at how pathetic her voice sounds. Like roadkill begging to be put out of its misery.

And Shiv does.

The worried arms withdraw, and suddenly Karolina is alone in a giant nursery, trying to count her breaths along with the ugly stars painted on the walls. She finally manages to take back control of her legs, and slinks to the floor, bracing her head between her knees. Through the tears streaming down her face she catches that godawful teddy-bear staring at her with its cold, unflinching gaze, and thinks back to a time where she thought she might go on to change the world. To make a difference. If she really is dying, if her heart has finally decided to hang up its hat, then it’s only fitting her final judge and jury would be a giant, fake totem massacring the very thing it was meant to represent.

Through her heaving, she doesn’t hear anyone enter the room, until she feels something cold and hard press against the back of her neck, and a firm grip on her wrist.  

“Please don’t puke. Or, like, give me a heads-up.” she hears Shiv whisper.

Karolina’s only heard her speak so softly in the dark of the bedroom, when she’d halfway be hoping not to be heard. Shiv’s hand is cold, too, as she rubs soothing circles on her left wrist, the other hand still holding the cold compress against Karolina’s neck.

“You wanna try stepping outside?”

Karolina shakes her head. It’s barely there, but she feels the slightest easing of pressure on her chest. She tries to focus on the damp coolness on her neck, tries to imagine it spreading throughout her body, soothing the fire burning beneath her skin. She reaches out her right hand blindly, trying to grasp Shiv’s wrist, trying to follow that fervent pulsing of life.

“Yeah?” Shiv says, adjusting her hand so Karolina could grip it better. They stay like that for a while, hands grasped like roman soldiers, Shiv’s quiet sighs and Karolina’s ragged breaths the only sound around them. Karolina wonders briefly if the party’s finished, if they’re the only ones left in this haunted menagerie of broken childhoods. Shiv seems to see her attention slipping away, because she shakes her wrist free, taking Karolina’s palm and placing it above her breastbone.

“Just follow me, yeah?” she murmurs.

Karolina nods, closing her eyes and letting her hand be the only tether to the world, Shiv’s pulse her only guiding light. As her breathing slowly starts to slow down, she contemplates pointing out the fact that Shiv’s own breathing is shaky, her heart trembling like a hummingbird’s wings, but she ultimately decides against it. The warmth of Shiv’s body and the soft silk of her dress are doing a fine job of easing Karolina’s nerves nonetheless.

When she finally feels the fog start to lift from her eyes, she turns to see Shiv watching her intently, with wide eyes and furrowed brows. It scares her, the intensity of Shiv’s gaze. Like she’s not just looking at Karolina, but seeing her. Holding her in her mind as more than a moment in a bed.

“You okay?”

This time Karolina manages a weak laugh. She bites her lip, avoiding Shiv’s steely gaze.

“Mhm.” she nods. “Is that a wine bottle?” she frowns at the object Shiv’s just removed from her neck.

Shiv stars laughing, her wet eyes glinting in the weak light.

“I was gonna get a wet paper-towel or something, but I couldn’t find the bathroom.” she sighs.

“Where’d you find this?”

“Stole it from the bar.” she flashes Karolina a proud grin.

Shaking off the last of her panic attack, Karolina turns a weary head towards Shiv.

“Thank you.”

Shier than she’s ever seen her, Shiv shrugs the gratitude away, changing her position from kneeling by her side to sitting down flush against Karolina’s side, and linking their arms together.

“Would’ve been awkward to just let you die. I mean, who would we even get to draft the press release on such short notice?” she turns to shoot her a serious look.

“Hugo?” Karolina tries.

“Bleugh.” she fake retches. “I wouldn’t that to you, even if we were at each other’s throats.”

She nuzzles her head in the crook of Karolina’s shoulder, her hand fiddling with the sleeve of Karolina’s shirt.

“Why are we—at each other’s throats? Did I do something?” Shiv almost sounds like a scolded child, making the guilt twist itself tighter around Karolina’s heart.

“No.” she sighs. “I...I’ve just had too much to drink and I got bitter and selfish.”

“Yeah, but why?” she presses. “I’m not a dummy, Novotney, whatever I did has been bothering you for longer than this night.”

“You didn’t do anything, Shiv.”

Karolina closes her eyes as Shiv turns her head to look at her, soft gaze burning the side of her face. She clears her throat.

“You’re trying for a baby.” she finally turns to meet Shiv’s gaze, cheeks burning with shame. “And I have no right to be upset about that.”

“What?” Shiv frowns. “Where the fuck did you get that?”

“During the shareholder meeting.” she sighs. “Tom left his phone on a table at some point, and I guess he got a notification about your, ahem, baby window. I had no right to snoop, I’m sorry.”

Shiv unwinds their arms, bringing both of her hands to massage her temples.

“Jesus fuck!” she blurts out. “Karolina, I am not trying for a baby. That’s—I don’t even really fucking understand it myself, but I am not trying to get pregnant.” she wrings her hands, grasping at her own frustration.

“It doesn’t matter. I still shouldn’t have reacted that way.” Karolina presses. “It was out of line.”

“Fuck the line.” Shiv shakes her head. She looks like she’s deciding if the dim light of the room is dark enough to let her tell Karolina the truth.

“You were right, earlier.” she sighs. “I can’t play the suffering side piece. I knew what I was getting into when we started this.”

“No, that was—I was pissed off that you wouldn’t talk to me. You know I was just trying to push your buttons.”

“It’s still the truth.”

Shiv shakes her head softly again, like she doesn’t accept her statement. She contemplates for only a second, before picking up the discarded bottle of wine, popping out its stopper, and taking a swig. She extends her hand towards Karolina, offering her the by now lukewarm prosecco, but gets waved off with a tight smile, reminding her of why they were currently sitting on the floor of a creepy nursery replica.

Neither of them say anything for a while, lying side by side like two discarded dolls. Karolina eyes the teddy-bear, for a second swearing she could see a hint of smugness in its beady eyes.

After a third sip from the bottle, Shiv finally breaks the silence.

“Tom’s been trying to get me pregnant. I didn’t know about it until the shareholder’s meeting, either.” she laughs bitterly.

“What?” Karolina feels a rush of anger fall down on her head like a hammer.

“Yeah. I don’t know—I can’t even begin to fucking process that.” She takes another small sip from the bottle. “He didn’t wanna fuck me after I told him I was still on my birth control—said it was like throwing batter at a brick wall.”

Karolina can’t see Shiv’s face, but she can hear the quiet sniffling the other woman is trying to hide. She reaches a hand and pulls Shiv back to her side, closing any bit of distance between them. Despite the dizzying murmur still gripping her mind, she feels the urge to track Tom down and bash his head in with her phone, until the sticky alcohol gets washed off by a much more satisfying offering.

She doesn’t know what to say to Shiv, can barely comprehend the horror gripping the other woman. How dare that man? It’s not that she sees Shiv as something other than human, no. And, she supposes, that might be the entire point. That Shiv is a woman and men will try to mould women to any shape they desire. Even men like Tom. Even women like Shiv.

For lack of any words that could take away Shiv’s dreadful confusion and anger, she kisses the other woman’s head and hopes it’s enough. Or at least that it’s something.

She doesn’t soften her grip until she feels Shiv’s chest slow its frantic rise and fall, until she’s sure her hold on Shiv isn’t the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

Finally, Shiv herself lifts her head from the crook of Karolina’s shoulder, with blood-shot eyes and a sorrowful scowl marring her features.

“Can I stay over?” she whispers. She looks like she’s about to justify her request, before Karolina cuts her off.

“Of course.”

“You don’t have to…” she continues, before Karolina cuts her off again.

“I want you to.” she reaches a hand to cup Shiv’s cheek, rubbing a shaking thumb over the warm dampness she finds there. “I want you with me.” She’ll repeat it as many times as it takes for Shiv to realize how easy to want she really is.

She’s hard to open up, and hard to keep a hold of, yes, but Karolina’s never found it hard to want her. To want to have her in her life, for fear of wanting things—bigger and scarier things, that she knows she shouldn’t let herself want.

“Thanks.” Shiv says, clearing her throat.

She’s never been good at talking outside of the abstract, so Karolina replies in the only language she knows Shiv won’t doubt. She kisses her, a soft and sad sigh passing through them like an electric charge. A mess of limbs in an ugly, cold tomb of a misshapen memory, warmed solely by each other’s body.

They gather themselves off the floor, still holding onto each other, like kids afraid of letting go of a helium-filled balloon. Shiv’s hair is a tangled mess, her face splotchy and still sticky with tears, and Karolina doesn’t have to look in a mirror to feel the pools of mascara gathered under her eyes like the torn-up trenches of some bloody battle.

Shiv seems to have read her mind.

“We should wash up first, huh?” she smiles ruefully. “Kendall might think we’re actually touched by his immersive trauma dump.”

“Maybe we should give him the satisfaction.” Karolina laughs, shaking her head. “It is his birthday.”

“I think there’s been enough yes-men involved in this shit fest.” she scoffs. “Come on, let’s find that fucking toilet. I’ve been close to pissing myself for the past, like, half an hour.”

She grabs Karolina’s wrist, keeping a loose grip on it even as they make their way back into the crowd and have to break apart. It feels mortifying and exhilarating, being so reckless under these neon lights. Like they might get away with it, or do it anyway, despite the consequences.

-

The ride to Karolina’s is silent, both of them finally bearing the full weight of their exhaustion. Shiv hasn’t said anything about where she’s told Tom she’d be going, or whether she’s told him at all, so Karolina doesn’t ask. She’s tired of letting these men throw their weight around even when they’re not in the room. All she cares about, anyway, is the weight of Shiv’s hand in hers, the soft skin and firm muscle, the way her fingers twitch slightly at every ghost of a touch.

It’s tiring, living her life in the abstract. Shaping herself into ideas of a life she’s decided she must live.

Shiv is real, though. She’s solid and burning brightly beside Karolina, and she’s not someone Karolina could ever see as theoretical. She’s alive in a way that scares Karolina, an unknown, uncontrollable variable defined only by herself. Occupying a place in the world shaped by herself, bent with bare hands and fury out of whatever mould she’d been thrown into. She can’t imagine how isolating that must have been, living her entire life clawing at the walls of one cage after the other, thrashing against every expectation of what she could and should and mustbe.

She used to think that what they were doing, this clumsy, clandestine clashing of hands and teeth in dark rooms, that this was a fantasy for the both of them. An imagined slice of life. A daydream they could fall into when real life was weighing them down. She’s slowly coming to realize that it might, in fact, be the other way around. That the closest she’s come to feeling real in months has been when Shiv is touching her. That she can’t hear anything quite as clearly as Shiv’s soft sighs. That life comes rushing over her every time she feels her knees press against the edge of the mattress, and drains out of her when she hears her alarm go off.

“Can we…” Shiv stirs next to her.

Karolina urges her to continue. “What?”

“Everything I said—I just wanted it to hurt.” she whispers. “I don’t think about you like that.”

She begins to pull her hand away, but Karolina grasps onto it tighter, tethering Shiv to the moment.

“I know.” she nods. “I don’t think about you like that, either.”

Shiv chances a look in Karolina’s direction. “Yeah?”

They share a brief, watery smile, which feels like the most intimate thing they’ve done. They’ve bared their bodies to each other, but never the beast of their anger—never the things lurking beneath their skin, the urge to tear and shatter.

In that tiny moment, it doesn’t feel like they’re looking into each other’s eyes, but somewhere beyond. It feels like taking a deep breath and stepping into the dark entryway of a basement, commanding the dark and telling it to scatter—telling it you’re home.