#I wanna be a musician so fucking bad this year I can’t explain it

[coffee-and-allnighters]

the fact that I wasn’t born with the musical ability to be a folk singer playing my tin whistle in empty, whisky-and-old-smoke-soaked local pubs but instead am wasting my youth being an exhausted corporate publishing lackey is cruel and unfair

[sunkissedpages]

instead of you [part sixteen]

pairing: [best friend’s brother] tom holland x college!reader

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, smut (18+) additional warnings under the cut

word count: 3.1k

series masterlist

smut warnings: female masturbation, porn, mentions of choking

“‘We’? Like, you and me?” you clarified, hoping you had misunderstood.

“Yeah, it’ll only take a second,” Tom assured you.

You looked to Sam for help, but he looked just as lost as you were. “I’ll go try and find a microwave to heat up your leftovers,” he offered and took the container back from you. “I’ll be right back, babe.”

“Okay...”

You watched him shrug past both you and Tom and then disappear into the hallway with a sinking feeling in your chest, knowing he trusted you completely. He had no reason not to, and that’s what consumed you. 

“What do you want?” you muttered, reluctantly stepping to the side to let Tom in. 

He didn’t answer right away, giving you a moment to collect yourself. His eyes followed you around the room as you found your pants and tugged them on. He averted his gaze when he realized you were getting dressed mumbling a “sorry” as he trained his eyes on the carpet. 

You sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain why he was there. 

“You weren’t there today,” was all he said. 

You blinked. “Yeah?”

“Was it because of me?”

“I wasn’t feeling well.”

Tom’s tongue poked at the inside of his cheek. “Is that all?”

“I had a lot to drink last night,” you reminded him. 

“So you don’t remember anything?”

“I never said that.”

“So it was because of me?”

“I never said that either.” You sighed. “If you’re here to ask me if I told him you kissed me, I didn’t. And you could’ve just texted me to ask.”

“No that’s not why- I don’t have your number anyway.”

“I’m in the trip group chat with your family.”

“Oh, right. I’ll save it to my contacts.”

The tension in the room was palpable. It felt like all of the air had been sucked out and replaced with thick, suffocating silence. Arbitrarily, you wondered who the most famous person in his phone was. He was a Marvel actor, he probably had Simu Liu’s number, right? Who would your contact information be sitting in between? Maybe if you ever forgave him for what he did you could ask him. 

“Is something funny?” The firmness of Tom’s voice cut through your train of thought and brought you back to the present. “Why are you smiling?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said despondently. “Sam’s gonna be back soon. What did you want?”

“I just wanted to check up on you. Sam said you were sick.”

“Oh, so you wanted to see if I was lying?”

“No! God, why is it so hard to believe that I’m genuinely concerned about you?”

“Because last night you only seemed concerned about yourself.”

Tom pursed his lips and shoved his hands in his pockets, expelling a breath harshly. “Okay, I deserved that.”

You hummed in agreement, and let your eyes trail down the veins of his arms to where they disappeared into his pockets. It looked like he was fiddling with a coin or something small, but you couldn’t tell. 

“Are you feeling better?” he said the last part through gritted teeth.

“Yes, thank you. This chat has helped considerably.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Well, lucky for you I’m not your problem to deal with. I'm Sam’s.”

He flexed his hand in his pocket and sighed. “Okay, well, I also wanted to apologize again for...” the word kiss seemed to die on his lips, poetic irony at its finest. “Being a dick.” Less poetic. 

He finally fished his hand out of his pocket, holding a delicate piece of paper between his pointer and index fingers. He shifted uncomfortably where he was leaning against the dresser. “We went to the Academic Gallery today. I saw this in the gift shop and thought of you.” He presented you with what turned out to be a postcard, creased down the middle unevenly and smudged with pen ink.

You turned it over to look at the front first, admiring the artwork printed on it. It was a picture of Michelangelo’s David drawn in swoopy black lines and filled in with watercolor paint. Instead of a museum, the statue was in the middle of a garden, the centerpiece among dozens upon dozens of flowers. 

 “Sorry it’s folded,” he mumbled. “It wouldn’t fit in my pocket.”

You flipped it over to read the back only to see iou scribbled in his handwriting and nothing else. You turned it over again to see if you had missed something on the front, but there was nothing.

You looked up at him in confusion. “Iou?” 

“Yeah, you know... I feel really bad about last night, and I don’t really know how to make it up to you so I’m letting you decide.”

“That’s not really how it works.”

“I think that this counts as an exception, since we’re kind of in uncharted territory.”

“Maybe for you. My boyfriend’s brothers make out with me all the time.”

“Fuck you, I didn’t make out with you- it was barely a peck.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “It was more than a peck.”

His cheeks were beginning to grow pink with what you couldn’t tell was either embarrassment or frustration. He cleared his throat awkwardly and changed the subject. “Anyway, if you ever need a favor or anything, just let me know. Think of it as me owing you one.”

“And do I have to give back the postcard when I cash in this ‘favor’?” you asked.

“No, you can keep it.”

“Good, because I was going to keep it anyway.”

He chuckled in spite of himself and shook his head. “Knew you’d like it.”

You flattened the card on your lap, smiling as you tried to iron out the little crease with your fingers. 

“It’s pretty, thank you.”

Tom nodded in acknowledgement and straightened his posture. “I should get going. I just wanted to give you that, and see how you were doing since tomorrow’s a travel day and I know you get a little motion sick sometimes. I didn’t want... whatever you’d come down with to make it worse.”

How did he know that? Had Sam told him? You didn’t have time to ask because he was already walking towards the door. He paused when he reached it and turned his head towards you, hand already on the knob. 

“Good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Tom.”

  He opened the door and let himself out into the hallway, catching it suddenly on his foot as he saw Sam coming off the elevator. Tom held the door for Sam, since his hands were full, and then said goodnight to his brother as he finally left.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find the microwave,” he explained. “I had to ask the night manager and they heated it up in the break room for me.”

“Oh, Sam, you didn’t have to do that! I would’ve eaten it cold.”

“I know you would have, and that’s why I’m not letting you.” You gave him a look, which he ignored and handed you the container of food. “It’s carbonara, it’s one of the things Rome is known for. I couldn’t have you eating it lukewarm.” 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

He ran a hand through his hair and took a seat next to you on the edge of the bed, pulling the ottoman closer to use it as a makeshift table. He watched as you tried the first bite, gauging your reaction. It was something he did whenever he cooked for you, especially if he was trying out a new recipe. He always needed your approval, and valued it above anybody else’s. But he hadn’t even made this, and as his eyes searched your face you found yourself wondering if they were looking for something else. 

“Do you like it?” 

You breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Your paranoia was starting to get the better of you. “It’s delicious,” you assured him. “I’m sad I missed dinner.”

“I’m sad you missed the whole day. Spending time with my family without you was hell.”

“Oh come on, it’s probably good that you got some real family time.”

“It’s real family time when you’re there. It felt like something was missing.” 

You let a small smile slip past your lips despite the guilt that bubbled under the surface. You pushed it down and took another bite of the carbonara. 

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you? It can’t have all been bad. Tell me about the good stuff. I wanna hear that.”

Sam nodded and pushed his curls back again, grinning like he’d been caught. “Fine, maybe there were some okay moments.”

“And what were they?”

“We went to the Accademia Gallery today. I think you would have really liked it. They had a whole wing of instruments from some of the most famous inventors and musicians from history. They even had pianos from Bartolomeo Cristorfori, the inventor of the piano.”

“Wow,” you said, impressed. “I bet it was beautiful.”

“Of course if it was played, it wouldn’t sound anything like the piano we’re used to hearing today, but I’m sure it would still sound incredible.”

“Even if it hasn’t been tuned in a few hundred years?”

It was his turn to give you a look. “Yes, of course.”

“Sorry.”

“And they had a Strativerius, I don’t even want to know how valuable that thing is. It must cost millions. I took some pictures for you, but I know they won’t compare to the real thing. The lighting in museums never does the art justice.”

He handed his phone to you to scroll through. You swiped the photos, smiling whenever you came across a selfie he’d taken with a statue or painting. You reached the pictures of David and couldn’t help but zoom in on-

“Hey!” Sam yelped and grabbed his phone back from your hands.

“What!”

“Michelangelo would be so ashamed of you! I bet he’s rolling in his grave right now.”

“No way! If anyone appreciated good dick, it was Michelangelo.” 

“Unbelievable.” 

“If you don’t want me to judge these statue’s penises, don’t take pictures of them.”

“I didn’t take pictures of their penises! I took pictures of the whole statue- you’re zooming in on- you know what, nevermind. Arguing with you about this is pointless.”

“Smart boy.”

Sam rolled his eyes at you and put his phone in his back pocket. “Oh yeah, did Tom give you that postcard?”

“He told you about that?” you asked, suddenly panicking. Sam hadn’t said anything about last night so far, but maybe Tom had-

“Yeah, said he wanted to give you an iou for the limoncello last night.”

“What?”

“He said you paid the tab for it since he left his wallet in the room and that he wanted to pay you back for it.”

“Oh. Right.”

Another lie. You had very much not paid for the drinks last night. Tom had. And you knew he had to make an excuse for why he was buying his brother’s girlfriend something from the gift shop, but to add another lie to the ever-growing list made your throat burn with regret. You wouldn’t be able to keep the secret forever, and it was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down around you. 

-

In the morning you took the train from Rome to Naples, and then took a taxi to Sorrento to spend the last bit of your week in Italy by the sea. The atmosphere was much more relaxed than it had been in the busy cities of Rome and Florence. Even though there were still hordes of tourists, they were far more dispersed and less overbearing than you expected. The whole town seemed slowed down, like it had escaped the chokehold of time. 

Sam’s parents took everyone out to lunch by the water and went over the schedule for the next day and a half. 

“So, you’re on your own after dinner tonight, and then tomorrow morning we’re going to take the ferry to Capri for the day before our flight that night,” Nikki explained as she read through the spreadsheet on her phone. 

“There’s an Irish pub down the street from our hotel,” Harry said. “Do you guys want to go after we eat tonight?”

“I’m down,” Sam agreed. 

“Sounds good,” Tom chimed in.

The boys all looked at you for your answer, but you hesitated. Thinking about what happened the last time you drank didn’t make you eager to do it again, and you were already exhausted from travelling.

“I’ll pass.”

“What? Why?” Sam asked, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.

You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder with a sigh. “I’m tired, and I’d rather go somewhere Italian... since we’re in Italy.”

Harry shrugged. “Your loss.”

“We’ll have a shot in your honor, babe,” Sam said and pressed a kiss to your temple. 

“Please don’t. Something tells me you’ll have plenty to drink without an extra shot for me.”

“You know us so well.”

After dinner, you walked back to the hotel with the Hollands and said good night to Sam’s parents before parting ways to your separate rooms. Sam went with you to change into clothes for going out while you changed into pajamas. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

You nodded from where you were on the bed and yawned. Sam didn’t push any further, instead resolving to finish getting ready in silence. He paired his black jeans with a pair of converse and a dark green button up over a black t-shirt. 

He turned to you for approval.

“Fake girlfriend approved?”

“Fake girlfriend approved,” you repeated and gave him a thumbs up. 

“Okay, well I’m headed out,” he announced. 

“Have fun! Don’t kiss any cute girls without me!” 

It was something you always said to each other, but it sounded strange since it was supposed to be coming from his girlfriend. Sam just chuckled and blew you a kiss as he let himself out. 

You heard him greet his brothers outside and then listened to their footsteps fade into the distance before pulling up an incognito window on your phone. It had been weeks since you’d been able to get off and it was killing you. The amount of stress this trip had given you only made it worse. You were wound so tight that you were sure you’d snap soon if you didn’t get some relief. 

And you thought that maybe if you rubbed one out it might help you forget about... the confusing feelings you had for your best friend’s brother. 

Seeing as you had the night to yourself, you figured you might as well take advantage of it. You copied a link from your notes app and pasted the url into the address bar. You didn’t feel like digging through your luggage to find your earbuds so you set the volume low enough for only you to hear. 

The video started playing and you let your hand wander from your side up to your neck, brushing your hand lightly across your collarbone. You traced the curve of your breasts with a finger before squeezing one of them gently, feeling your nipple harden under your palm. You only had one hand to use since the other was holding your phone, but you made do. 

The video was one of your favorites, one you found yourself watching at least once a week. It was one of the few videos of hetero couples you had favorited, and it started with the guy going down on the girl before fucking her...

You admired the muscles on the man’s back, watching intently as they flexed whenever he moved his head. The woman moaned, struggling to keep her legs open while he brought her closer and closer to orgasm. 

You let your hand travel down further until it was sitting at the waistband of your pajama shorts. You knew you had a while before Sam would be back, but you were too impatient to wait. You propped your phone up on a pillow next to you to free your other hand as you started to play with your clit. 

You pictured someone’s head in between your thighs, imagining them moaning against your pussy as they tasted you for the first time. 

The man was taking his pants off now and lining himself up with his partner’s pussy. You tried to follow along, putting yourself in the moment with the couple. You gathered your own wetness on two of your fingers to lubricate them and slid them inside yourself, sighing in relief. Your entire body tensed as it accommodated to the stretch and you gave yourself a few beats before moving your fingers. 

When you finally did, you felt yourself relax and sped up your pace so that it matched the actors on screen.

The angle the video was shot at hid the man’s face and you found yourself wondering what he looked like. If you squinted you could almost picture Tom- no. You tried to shake the thought from your mind, but it was already there. 

Closing your eyes didn’t help either. You just imagined Tom’s fingers sliding in and out of you instead of your own, imagined the veins on his arms becoming more pronounced as he tightened his grip on your thigh. 

“Fuck,” you cursed, knowing you should stop. 

You were too close to stop now, and the pleasure was clouding your judgement. Suddenly the man brought his hand up to the girl’s throat and began to choke her, sending her hurtling into her own orgasm. You moaned accidentally, thinking about Tom’s hand around your throat. You curled your fingers up so that you were hitting your g-spot and whimpered pathetically.

This was wrong. This was bad. Not only were you fantasizing about your best friend’s brother, but you were confusing yourself even further. 

You tried to fight it, at least that’s what you told yourself, but all you could hear were Tom’s moans echoing through the speaker. You pictured the way he’d look on top of you. His eyes would be so dark and he’d be smirking like the cocky asshole he was, chain hanging down in your face- just inviting you to take it into your mouth. It didn’t take long before you felt your orgasm begin to build. The video was still playing in the background, the man still chasing his own high and bringing his partner to her second orgasm, but you’d tuned it out by now. You came around your fingers thinking about Tom’s hips snapping into yours. 

You were fucked.

lmk what you think!! i always appreciate feedback

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[celestialrry]

I wish you would write a fic where...

the main character is the daughter of a really important producer harry is working with and he has a major crush on her but 1) he doesn’t want her dad to feel like he’s taking advantage of her 2) she has a rule of not dating musicians

too young

OOOOOOHHHHHH

HIIII GUYS..... i started school again and honestly for the longest time i've had no inspiration to write but then i got this ask!!! (thank you for your patience anon ily) and was like i love this prompt but then i wrote the first part and had no idea how to continue it,,, but I finally finished it!! ε(♡'-')з (this is me giving you all my love and affection for sticking with me) 

(NOT EDITED)

2k

warnings: alcohol consumption

Harry was in a dilemma.

Usually, he could sweep all his issues under the rug, save them for another day, but this one... he couldn't do that. Not because he didn't want to, but because this problem was more than just a dust bunny on his hardwood floor.

Y/N was the problem.

Or to be more precise, his feelings for Y/N were the problem.

Harry had confidence when it came to his crushes. He was smooth, flirty, and snagged almost every single person he's caught feelings for.

But not Y/N.

No, she was almost unreachable, for quite a few reasons.

One, the only reason he knew her, met her, was through a producer he had been working with the past few months. Arlo was massive in the industry and Harry was flattered when Arlo approached him with interest in collaborating. And only a month into working together, he met Y/N.

Harry's head snapped towards the door that had just burst open, a girl barging into the studio that he had never seen before. She was gorgeous, he had to admit, but he couldn't ignore her blatant disrespect for coming in and making a scene while he, Arlo, and a few of his bandmates were working annoyed him to no end.

"Dad! Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened, I was on my way over here and I fucking bumped into Zach," The girl began ranting, approaching Arlo and huffing as she stood next to Arlo's chair. "Of all fucking people I could see just walking down the street, it had to be him. The world is against me today I swear. Anyways, I brought that drum pad you wanted."

She dug into her big brown bag that was slung over her shoulder and pulled out the music board, placing it on the table in front of Arlo.

"Where'd you see him, Y/N? We're about to go on break and I can leave and go kick his ass in," Arlo checked his watch. "7 minutes."

Y/N, Harry now knew her as, sighed and crossed her arms. "He's long gone by now, think he shit his pants when he saw me walking near him."

"Atta girl, thanks for bringing my board too," Arlo smiled up at her from his chair. He then turned to see Harry, and Mitch staring at the two of them. "Oh sorry guys, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Harry and Mitch."

She turned to look at them and smiled wide. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too." They both said in unison, looking at each other with a smile, before focusing back on Y/N.

"We'll be done soon, if you wanna go out and get lunch." Arlo said, turning back to his daughter.

"Sounds good, just text me," Y/N replied, giving him a smile before turning back to the boys. "Nice meeting you guys, again."

And before they could even respond she was gone.

Two, Y/N was younger than him. 6 years younger to be exact. It didn't seem like much, but when put into perspective, she was 21, only just being legally allowed to drink in the States, and Harry was 27. Practically 30, if you ask him, and he was positive Arlo would have his head if he found out Harry liked his daughter. 

And three, she doesn't date the people her dad works with. 

He had found this out one night when he, Arlo, Y/N, Mitch, and a couple other writers were hanging out at the studio, drinking some wine (she had even exclaimed that this would be her first time drinking red, and Harry was yet again reminded of her age) and chatting after a long day of working. 

Harry and Mitch were laughing with Arlo about the first time they met Y/N, and her comments about this “Zach” guy. 

“He’s my ex, and had worked with my dad on one shitty song that never got far because he’s just so-- music is just not his thing, to put it nicely. But he was an absolute asshole and after him I made rule to never date anyone Dad works with. It would just go terribly.” She explained, letting Arlo take a few more jabs at the guy before stopping him.

So yeah, Harry was in a dilemma. 

In all the time he’d known Y/N, he just kept falling for her. She was kind, funny, beautiful, lit up any room she walked into, and treated Harry like fine porcelain. 

She was just fucking perfect. 

｡:°ஐ

Y/N had probably been in a lot of worse positions than the predicament she was in now.

For example, that time her dad walked in on her and her ex making out in the studio, or her 21st birthday when she got completely wasted and almost got into the wrong car instead of her uber, and the next day found out that the man driving that car was actually a convicted criminal.

So there’s worse things that could happen than her liking Harry.

But it doesn't mean it wasn’t bad.

The thing is, Y/N didn’t fall for anyone easily. Her one and only ex Zach treated her like a queen until he could officially claim her as his. The flowers he gave her before every date remained at the shop and the consistent compliments turned into insults and muttered claims of discontentment. 

Hence why he was her ex. It took Y/N quite a long time to work up the courage to end things with him. He was her first kiss, first time, and first boyfriend. She was yet to find her first love, she never really loved Zach. The way he used to treat her in the beginning, she thinks she loved, but him? No, she would never call him her first love. 

So when Y/N’s time crush on Harry began to develop into real feelings in such a short span of time, it terrified her. She had really never felt this way about someone before; butterflies would erupt in her stomach every time he shot her a smile and her mind would erupt into pure chaos when his body brushed up against her own. 

So yeah, it could be worse, but it certainly wasn't good.

｡:°ஐ

Y/N enjoyed spending time at the studio with her dad, and surprisingly, spending time with her dad’s “co-workers”. Even though she didn't usually hang out with the pop stars and spent time mostly with the backing band/producers (they were usually 50 year old men, but they were pretty nice) she enjoyed herself fully, having lunch breaks and talking about where their children when to school and whatnot. 

Sometimes though, every blue moon, Y/N would hang out with a super star her dad was working with. Usually when most stars are at the studio all they did was record, which was understandable, but she never had the chance to meet a lot of them.

With Harry though, everything was different. It wasn’t just lunches at the studio, or dinner at someone’s house, no, tonight they were going out to a bar. 

It was completely unexpected too, they had just wrapped up a song, and Harry, being in a particularly good mood had yelled out about going to a bar to celebrate. Of course, Y/N ignored his shout, knowing she wasn’t invited, and after Arlo had said something about “not being able to party as much as I used to”, she gave her dad a hug good night and waved a little goodbye to the band. 

“Wait!” Harry had exclaimed, chasing after her in the hallway. “Where are y’going?”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she looked behind her before looking back at Harry. “I was just gonna head back home.”

Harry’s head tilted, and looked at her questionably. “Y’not comin’ to the bar with us?” He practically pouted.

Her brows shot up in surprise. “Oh! I- yeah I’ll go out with you guys.”

Which lead her here, decently tipsy, and sitting in a booth between Harry and Sarah, laughing at a story Adam had been telling. Every now and then she would glance over to Harry just to find his gaze already on her.

Her heart fluttered every time, and if Harry’s cheeks weren’t already flushed from the alcohol, Y/N would have noticed him blush every time they locked eyes as well. 

“M’gonna get another drink, does anyone want anything?” Y/N piped up, a resounding chorus of “no, thank you’s” answering her question. Except for Harry who spoke softly, “A beer? Go ahead and put it on my tab.”

She shook her head at him as he stood up to let her out of the maroon leather booth. “Can’t make you pay for that, I offered.” She said, standing to lock eyes with him yet again. 

“Nope,” He grinned. “You can, and you will.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He chuckled, giving her a dimpled smile.

Accepting her defeat she nodded and squeezed his arm with a murmured “Thank you.” before making her way to the bar.

Harry sat back down again, eyes trailing her figure as she walked away before looking back at the table to be met with knowing eyes. 

“What is it?” He asked, glancing around at everyone.

“You’re whipped, mate.” Charlotte grinned, everyone else nodding in agreement.

“What?! I am not.” Harry pouted, eyes flicking over to Y/N, who was making her way to the table, one drink in each hand, before back to everyone else. 

“She’s really sweet H, you should go for it.” Mitch said.

Harry shook his head, eyes now on Mitch. “I’m not interested in her like that, she’s way too young for me, anyways.”

Just then did he hear the soft hit of his beer and her cosmo land on the table. His gaze trailed up her hands to see Y/N’s shattered face. “Here.” She practically whispered to him.

“I just remembered I have an early class tomorrow, so I should go, but thank you guys for inviting me out.” Y/N explained in lighting speed as she leaned over Harry to grab her purse and toss is over her shoulder. 

Words of confusion were tossed around the table but she was already booking it out of there, leaving Harry just as devastated as she was.

“I think she heard you, H.” Sarah said, frowning. 

Harry let out a muttered “Fuck!” before taking out large bills from his wallet and tossing it on the table. “For my tab, m’sorry, I gotta go.” And he left just as fast as Y/N did, weaving through the tables and people before bursting out the door to see her standing on the street, arm wrapped around her waist and another holding her phone.

“Y/N!”

Her head whipped around to see Harry bustling towards her and she quickly wiped her eye as he approached.

“Wait, don't go,” He said, struggling to find the words. “We all want you to stay, I want you to stay.”

“I have to get to class Harry, plus, I’m too young to be staying out this late anyways.” She grimaced at her own words. 

He sighed, eyes flickering from her own to her lips then back again. “I-fuck, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

This time, she fully turned to face him, brows knitted in distress. “Then how did you mean it? Because honestly I don’t think there is another way to mean it.”

This was his only chance, Harry knew it. 

“I just, I tried for so long to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way about you because you’re so much younger than me, and m’pretty sure your father would have my head if he knew but m’fucking infatuated with you, Y/N. M’so sorry I said that earlier, age is my only excuse for not asking you out and it’s not a good enough excuse anymore.”

With this her mouth was gaped like a fish, and her face was akin to a deer caught in headlights. In a flash her arms were wrapped around his neck and he was holding her waist, reveling in her touch. 

“Oh, Harry,” She pulled away. “I really like you too.” And with that she pressed a swift kiss to his cheek, leaving him a blushing mess. 

“Good, thats... thats good.” He stammered.

“So,” she nudged his arm. “Y’gonna ask me out now?”

[watchmegetobsessed]

Serendipity - Part II. (Harry Styles)

a/n: hello lovelies! thank you so much for the likes and reblogs on the first part, i hope you are enjoying the ride so far! here is part 2 for yall and as always, i would LOVE to read your comments and feedbacks!

pairing: Harry x OC (Annalise Lloyd)

word count: 8k

SERIES MASTERPOST  ⚫️ my masterlist  ⚫️  come and talk to me about Serendipity!  

Serendipity (n.) Finding something good without looking for it.

Annalise finishes up the lasagna with shredding some cheese on the top before sliding it right into the oven, listening to Benji reading up the text from his book, struggling with some longer words, but then manages to put it together in his head at the end. The doorbell rings and she tosses the dirty dishes into the sink.

“Good job, Benji. Read that last part,” she smiles down at the boy, sitting at the kitchen island, his legs dangling, hanging down on the tall stool, arms placed on the counter, his eyes following the lines.

“…However… the rabbit… slept longer…” Benji carries on as Annalise walks to the door, already knowing who’s gonna stand on the other side.

“Hi girl!” Chloé smiles at her upon pulling her into a hug before she walks in.

“Hey, I just put the lasagna in,” she smiles back at her best friend.

“Oh, amazing! Hi Benji! How is my favorite little dude?” Chloé scruffs his light brown locks, the little boy smirking up at her as she sits on the stool next to him.

“Hi Chloé! Wanna see my new dinosaur?” he asks, excitement sparkling in his eyes.

“Well of course! You know I love dinosaurs!” she cheers and Benji is already about to climb off the stool, but she stops him.

“Hey, what about reading? Have you finished?”

The look in his eyes tells her the truth that he hasn’t reached the end yet, he sucks his lips into his mouth, trying his best not to smile slyly. She can’t help but chuckle and shake her head at him.

“Okay, you can go,” she sighs and he is fast to shut the book and jolt upstairs to get his newest toys. Annalise just stares after him with a delighted smile.

“So what’s up? I can tell something happened today,” Chloé starts, leaning on her elbows on the counter, eyes examining her friend.

“How can you tell?” she chuckles furrowing her eyebrows as she puts away the leftover ingredients.

“I can see that little shine in your eyes,” she grins pointing at her. “So spill it!”

Sighing she washes her hands and dries them on the kitchen towel before she leans against the counter, folding her arms on her chest.

“Remember the guy I met on New Year’s Eve?” Chloé’s eyes light up at the mention of the mystery guy Annalise met a while ago, but she didn’t tell much about him, just that they had a great time and he kissed her. She was also mad at her when she found out she didn’t even give him her number, but has gotten herself over it by now.

“The musician? Of course!”

“Alright, so there are two things about him,” she starts, wanting to come clear, but right as she would continue, Benji appears, holding his latest toy, a vicious looking T-Rex in his hands.

“Chloé! Look!” he beams, handing her the figure.

“Oh, wow! This looks so cool! Does it have a name?”

“I call him Reggie!” Benji proudly states, making both women smile, because only he would name a murderous dinosaur Reggie.

“Love it, Bud. I’m almost jealous!” Benji grins up at her, hugging the toy to his chest.

“Hey, Benji, why don’t you go watch the telly a little, so we can talk over here?” Annalise asks and he surely likes the idea.

“Bye!” he sings running off without a question and a few moments later they hear the telly turning on with whatever cartoon he has turned on this time. Chloé turns back to Annalise, eager to hear what she has to tell.

“So hot guy musician, go on,” she gestures as Annalise leans onto the kitchen island across her.

“Hot guy musician’s name is Harry Styles,” she mumbles, lowering her voice, as if someone else was around and could hear her say that. At the same time, Chloé’s eyes basically leave his sockets, widened to the point where Annalise thinks she completely zoned out.

“What the fuck?” she whisper-yells, careful not to let Benji hear her cursing. “Lis! That’s like a major point you left out!”

“I know! I just… I never thought I would ever see him again, so I thought I would keep it to myself.”

“Wait, so you met him?” she gasps, almost falling off the stool, making Annalise laugh.

“I ran into him at Tesco today. Totally randomly in the cereal aisle.”

“Oh my God, I think I’m gonna have a heart attack,” Chloé gasps, placing her hands on her chest, taking some deep breaths. “So what happened? Did he recognize you or what? Wait! You were with Benji?” she gasps again and Annalise nods shortly. “You said you didn’t tell him you had a kid, oh my god!”

“It was so fucking awkward, I wanted to die,” Annalise chuckles awkwardly. “He came up to me all nice and flirty and I was in full panic mode and he was telling me how I didn’t give him my number and then Benji ran up to me calling me mummy.”

“Jesus, I wish I was there to witness it,” Chloe snorts and Annalise gives her a look, though she sees why she finds it funny, she is just not there yet to laugh about it. “What did he do?”

“I sent off Benji to get something and tried to explain it, he was shocked, to say the least. But he was more upset about the fact that I didn’t tell him, rather than that I was a mother. He thought I was married and that’s why I ran off.”

“Can’t blame him, would have definitely crossed my mind too,” Chloé comments with raised eyebrows. “So what else happened?”

“He was desperate to get my number, like literally desperate. When I paid, I could see the panic in his eyes that I’ll flee before he could pay his stuff and come after me. Felt bad for him, so I waited for him.”

“Oh my! You were giving him a chance already!” she cheers and Annalise shakes her head.

“I was not! I wasn’t planning to do anything!”

“Oh but you were. You can deny it all you want, but I can see right through you,” Chloé snorts and Annalise just rolls her eyes at her. “Okay, so what happened then?”

“He convinced me to give him my number. But I told him I’m not looking to date, he said he just wants to be friends. For now.”

“The dude wants to fuck the shit out of you.”

“Chlo!” you snap at her, glancing in the way of the living room, making sure Benji didn’t hear her.

“What? It’s the truth!” she laughs, clearly enjoying the sight of you all blushed and nervous.

“Well, that’s not gonna happen. I’m not getting myself into anything.”

“You mean a nice, satisfying relationship with a clearly amazing guy who is on his knees already for you? Yeah, sounds horrible,” she scoffs, earning another hard look from Annalise.

“No one is talking about relationships. Maybe he does just want to fuck,” she answers with a shrug.

“What’s so wrong about that?”

“Chloé,” she sighs shaking her head.

“I know, I know. You are pretending to be a nun just because you have a kid. I get it.”

Annalise rolls her eyes at her, taking a glance at the oven to make sure the dinner hasn’t burned down yet. It’s clear that the two of them are not on the same page when it comes to Harry. Chloé understands her closed-up behavior when it comes to dating, but she thinks Annalise is taking it a little too far, while Annalise thinks it’s perfectly fine to shut every male out of her life.

Just as they settle in a short silence, Annalise’s phone lights up with a buzz, signaling that she got a text. They both turn in its direction immediately, Annalise’s stomach dropping before her eyes snap at her friend.

“Is that him?” she asks, urging her friend to check the sender. Annalise walks over and grabbing the phone from the counter her lips part seeing the name on the screen.

Harry: Hope you haven’t spiraled and regretted giving me your number just yet.

“What’s he saying?” Chloé asks in excitement.

“Just… asking if I’ve regretted giving him my number.”

“Tell him you want to suck his di—“

“Don’t you dare finish that,” she warns her, typing her response to the text.

Lis: I’m sorry, who is this?

Harry: … very funny!

Lis: Sorry, I had to. And no, I haven’t regretted it, though I’m close to spiraling.

Harry: Oh no, then I have to do something about that quickly!

“You cheeky slut,” Chloé murmurs right from behind her, making her jump, because she didn’t realize she was standing there.

“Fuck, don’t scare me like that!” she scolds her before returning to the text thread. “And I’m not a cheeky slut.”

“Yeah, you are. Totally flirting with him.”

“We have very different definitions of flirting then.”

Harry: When do you have lunch break tomorrow?

Lis: Usually around 12.30

Harry: text me the address, I’ll be there

“Shit, he wants to have lunch with me tomorrow,” she sucks on her breath looking up at Chloé, who read the whole thing shamelessly over her shoulder.

“So what?”

“Should I say yes?” Annalise looks at her in panic, feeling like a lost, nervous teenage girl.

“Oh my God! If you don’t say yes I’m gonna literally murder you, Lis!” she groans, her head falling back in annoyance.

“Alright, alright! No need to be so harsh!” She quickly turns her attention back to the screen and just sends the address without a comment. No reply comes, he just likes the message.

“I hope he fucks you in a restaurant toilet,” Chloé bluntly comments, making Annalise’s jaw drop.

“You are so vulgar, I shouldn’t even let you into this household with that dirty mouth of yours!”

“Oh come on, I know it took you years to stop cursing around Benji, I’m pretty sure one of his first words were fuck.”

“That is not true! I hate you, why are we even friends?” Annalise grimaces, grabbing her oven mittens to check on the lasagna.

“Because I’m fun, I’m honest and I babysit for you sometimes,” Chloé lists with a proud smile on her face as Annalise pulls the dish out of the oven, the warm smell of the fresh lasagna immediately filling the kitchen.

“Right, remind me of that more often, please.”

They set the table together and Lis calls for Benji, who abandons the couch without a word. Annalise has always been grateful for having such an unproblematic boy. Becoming a mother at such a young age, she had many doubts and fears about how things would turn out and the worst was that she would somehow ruin him, watch him turn into a deviant, low-life criminal. Though Benji is only six and a lot can happen in his life that lies ahead of him, Annalise has been feeling a sense of relief whenever she looked at him. The way he handles his everydays, doing what he is told to do right away without a second guess or throwing a fuss, it makes her think that maybe, probably… hopefully she did a good job raising him. As a single parent, having been one for years now, this is all she wishes above all the happiness in the world for her son. 

The three of them sit at the small dining table, eating dinner while Benji rambles about how excited he is about the field trip that’s coming up soon, his teacher is taking the whole class to the zoo and Benji is over the moon to see his favorite animals up close.

“Which one do you want to see the most?” Chloé questions, pointing her fork at the boy.

“Giraffes and the monkeys!” Benji cheers, bringing a smile to his mother’s face, seeing him so enthusiastic about it. She knows that Benji doesn’t just want to see the animals, but can’t wait to learn about them. He is a curious little guy, Annalise knows that already.

Chloé helps to clean up the kitchen and they hang around the living room a little longer before it’s nearing Benji’s bedtime. Annalise walks her friend out, hugging her goodbye at the front door, but before Chloé could leave, she turns back around and gives a hard look to Lis.

“I’m serious about this whole Harry situation. Please don’t close up entirely, alright? You deserve to have some fun, get to know him better. You could never know what’ll turn it out to be.”

“That’s what scares me,” she mumbles quietly, eyes fixated on her feet. “Not knowing how it’ll end.”

“Take the chance. Live a little. You haven’t since… graduation?”

Annalise keeps quiet, biting the inside of her cheeks. She hasn’t let herself completely relax since she found out she was pregnant. Being barely out of high school, having to deal with the fact that she would be a somewhat teenmom was shocking enough for her to regulate her whole life to the point where she couldn’t even remember the last time she actually enjoyed herself without a worry. That night in the pub, Harry managed to make her feel that sense of freedom. Like she could finally let go of everything that keeps her tied down into this strictness in her everydays. For one night, she had no worries, no fears, she just allowed herself to be… herself. Her old self for once.

“You deserve it, Lis. Don’t convince yourself that you don’t.”

She just nods without a word and lets Chloé embrace her in another hug before she walks down the stairs of the small townhouse and makes her way home with one last wave in her direction at the door.

Annalise’s proudest achievement is that even with a child and being a single mom, she managed to get a college degree and score a job she actually likes. No, she adores what she does. As a caretaker at a retirement home. She works from nine in the morning until four in the afternoon. Her boss let her have those one hours bunch up and get pushed back to Saturdays so she could drop Benji off at school easier on weekdays. Having to work on Saturdays weren’t a big deal, because Benji usually came with her, have the best time with the elders in the home while Annalise worked, they even helped him with homework. They would have lunch somewhere after work and have the rest of the day to themselves. 

Going to work the next day Annalise can’t push her excitement down, thinking about seeing Harry later that day. Arriving to the home she is immediately met with Eloise and Bart, one of her favorite pairs in the home. The old woman’s eyes light up the moment Annalise walks through the door and she greets her brightly.

“My Darling! Good morning!” she beams as Annalise approaches them. “How are you?”

“I’m splendid, how about you, Elly?”

“Fantastic. Bart promised me to take a walk in the park today, right Bart?”

The quiet man nods with a shy smile. They are quite the pair, Annalise always thought. Elly being a chatty, lively, social butterfly, while Bart was more the kind to stand behind and let his lady shine and Annalise always found that endearing. 

“How is Benji?” Bart questions shortly.

“He’s good, getting better with reading day by day,” she smiles.

“I can sense something on you, Darling,” Elly comments, narrowing her makeup-covered eyes at Annalise. “There’s a little sparkle in your eyes, want to share what that’s about?”

Annalise chuckles shaking her head. Nothing and no one can fool Elly, she reads people like she does with the morning paper, easily seeing through them without a fuss.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” she smiles, though they both know it’s a lie, but Elly lets it slip.

Annalise says goodbye to them and heads to the dressing room to get ready for the day. Though all her thoughts were about Harry in the morning, once she gets down to work she easily shifts her focus back on her tasks. The hours slip by faster than she expected, always having to do something, and before she notices, there’s only ten more minutes till the time she told Harry she’d be getting her lunch break.

She finishes up changing the sheets in one of the rooms, drops off the dirty ones at the washing room before heading back to the break room to collect herself a little before Harry arrives. She thinks it’s silly, but she feels like an excited little girl with a crush, finally seeing her favorite boy on the playground. She never bothered to lie to herself about how attracted she is to Harry, because it’s quite obvious. She’s just still not sure what she really expects from the situation on her hands.

She pulls her hair tie out of her ponytail, letting her hair fall to her shoulders in loose waves. Tapping under her eyes she gets rid of a mascara smudge, fixing up her makeup quickly before she takes one last look at herself in the mirror. She is definitely not trying to look like she wants to impress the man, but she doesn’t want to look like a mess either.

Her phone vibrates in the pocket of her light pink scrubs and fishing the device out her heart leaps upon seeing the sender of the text message.

Harry: I’m right outside.

Lis: Coming!

She pulls on her knitted sweater she wore in the morning and throws on her coat before grabbing her wallet and heading out. 

“I’m eating out today, I’ll be back soon,” she calls out at the station downstairs where some of her colleagues are seated. They all smile back at her, carrying on with their work as she walks out the double doors of the home. 

Her eyes immediately find the tall frame leaning against the little gate that separates the foregarden of the home from the street. Harry is dressed in a pair of black pants and a navy blue sweater under his black coat, a pair of sunglasses covering his intent green eyes. 

“Hi,” he greets her, his smile bringing his dimples out as he watches her walk out the small gate and stand in front of him.

“Hey. Found the place easily?” she asks with a soft smile.

“Yeah, it was all good. Ready to leave?”

“Yes, but I need to be back in an hour.”

“That’s perfectly fine,” Harry smiles and walks her over to the black Range Rover parked at the sidewalk, opening up the passenger side for her. She mumbles a quiet thank you sitting inside and once Harry is behind the wheel too, she turns to him feeling her nerves creeping up on her neck like it’s the first time they are seeing each other.

“Where are we heading?” she asks, but Harry just smiles in her way starting the car and leaving from the home.

“You’ll see.”

Harry effortlessly strikes up a conversation, asking Annalise about how long she’s been working at the home and why she chose it. She finds herself easily sharing all the information.

“I’ve been working at Golden Sunshine for about three years now. I absolutely love it, my boss is very flexible and understanding, which is kind of essential in my… situation.” 

“And why did you choose to be a caretaker?”

“I don’t know, I was always told that I’m great with taking care of others and I think I’m patient, which is great when you work with elders, especially when they have different health problems, having a hard time remembering simple things. You can’t imagine how many times I need to introduce myself to residents that’s been living there for years,” she chuckles softly. “But it’s alright. I like helping them, making these last chapters of their life as peaceful and comfortable as possible.”

Harry glances in her way with a genuine smile and he needs to push down the sudden urge to envelope her in his arms. He is fascinated by how big of a heart Annalise has and that she’s not afraid to share it.

“I bet they all love you,” he smirks, glancing at her shortly.

“I guess,” she shyly shrugs. “Though I think they love Benji more.”

Her smile fades for a moment. She can’t help but feel nervous to bring Benji up in front of Harry. She still doesn’t know for sure how he really feels about him and she is not trying to be the kind of mother who can’t talk about anything else than her kid.

Harry senses the change in her and is quick to clear the water.

“Lis, don’t feel bad about talking about Benji.”

“I just don’t know if…”

“If I want to hear about him?” he helps her out and she nods shortly. “I do. I think I made it pretty clear that I’m interested in you and that involves everything. Benji as well. I know he is a big part of your life so I wanna hear all about him. You don’t have to hold yourself back around me, alright?”

“I guess I’m just not used to… a man being interested in him.”

“I assume you had some bad dating experiences.”

“You could say that,” she chuckles bitterly.

“How did they react when they found out about him?”

Annalise doesn’t even realise that they have parked down and Harry has stopped the car. They sit there and Harry listens to her intently, genuinely interested in anything she shares.

 “Guys my age are not really ready to deal with a child. Most of them swore it wasn’t an issue, but at the end… it always was. So then I stopped talking about it, but I quickly realized that it’s not something I can just not tell.”

“Obviously,” Harry nods.

“So now I just don’t know what to do and what not to do.”

“Well, I know you’ve heard it plenty of times, but I really mean it that it’s not an issue to me in any way. From what I saw, he looks like a great little guy and though I was a little shocked last time when I met him, I’m not against seeing him again, if that’s how things turn out to be. I like kids, I really do, so don’t feel bad about talking about him. I want you to. I’m asking you to.”

Annalise is not sure how to react. She still has a lot on her heart and mind, but she genuinely believes Harry, something is just telling her that she can. Not sure what it is about him, but she is trying not to overthink it.

Moving her gaze away from him she looks out the window and sees that they are parked near a little park.

“Where are we?”

“One of my favorite places,” Harry smiles getting out of the car and Lis follows him to the trunk. 

He opens it up and there’s an old fashioned basket, one she always sees in movies when they are having a picnic. Harry grabs the basket and shuts the trunk once he has everything he needs and then the two of them start walking further into the greenery.

“I come here sometimes, just because not many people know it exists so it’s quite peaceful most of the time. Easy to stay unnoticed, ya know?”

Lis nods as they follow the graveled path that leads through the small park, squished between townhouses. It really isn’t big, she can see the other end from where they are, but there’s a lot to do and see. A nice playground takes up most of the space, but there are several benches, a little fountain a little further down the way, chess tables and even a small group of abstract monuments that’s also used as a playground by some kids. Annalise finds the place endearing and it’s like a hint of magic in the middle of the city. 

They aim for a bench, Harry sets down the picnic basket between them and opens up the lid, revealing that it’s filled with goodies.

“I wasn’t sure what you like or don’t like, so I packed a whole bunch of stuff,” he truthfully admits, making Annalise smile as she watches him roam through the basket, pulling some stuff out.

He really did think of everything. There are loads of fruits, sandwiches, all kinds with and without meat, cut vegetables, sauces, snacks, both sweet and salty. Even the worst picky eater would find something to eat in the load Harry packed for their lunch.

“You could have asked what I liked so you didn’t have to do all this,” she shyly tells him, but he just smiles at him with his head tilted.

“Wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well, I’m surprised, so you succeeded,” she admits with a soft chuckle as Harry’s fist pumps into the air in victory, making her laugh.

Annalise chooses to eat a ham and cheese sandwich while Harry chooses one with salami in it and they have the little container filled with veggies sitting on the basket so they both can reach it.

Suddenly, she can feel the guilt crawling up her back and neck, reaching all her thoughts about how bad it was that she didn’t tell him about Benji. Even with her intentions of never seeing him again, she should have told him or at least mentioned it when she saw his interest in her. It’s been a struggle of hers for so long, wanting to protect herself and Benji, but also knowing that it’s not information you should keep to yourself for too long.

“I uhh-- I want to apologize,” she speaks up, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

“For what exactly?”

“For, um… That I didn’t tell you about Benji. I know I should have, but I--”

“You didn’t plan on seeing me ever again. I get it.” Glancing over at him, she sees that there’s no sign of anger or disappointment in his eyes, just a calm smile stretched across his face. “I’m fine to move on from this part. I understand your reasoning and I’m not mad at all. Would have been nice to know, but it’s all fine.”

“Are you really okay with it or are you just saying it because you know it’s what I want to hear?”

“I really mean it,” he tells her, looking at her with eyes that are completely open and she can read them like a book. She feels the relief coming over her.

“Okay. I just still want you to know that I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m ashamed of him or being a mother.”

“Doesn’t look like that.” Harry chews on his sandwich before speaking up again. “Can I ask… what’s the situation--I mean--”

“About the father?” she guesses and Harry nods. “Um… We started dating in tenth grade, he was my first… everything. First kiss, first boyfriend, first… love.”

Harry ignores the bitter taste in his mouth as she talks about loving this mystery man, but he chooses to stay silent as he waits for her to continue.

“I was planning my future with him, though looking back after the first year I was just desperately trying to hold onto the idea of being in a relationship, having a partner, it wasn’t healthy for sure.” She lets her hands fall to her lap, holding the remaining of her sandwich as she carries on. “So then, not long after graduation came the shocking news that I was pregnant. We barely turned eighteen, it was a proper shock for the both of us, I was terrified. We kept it to ourselves for a few days, trying to figure out what to do, but then I told my parents.”

She falls quiet for a moment and Harry doesn’t say a word, just lets her take her time, continue whenever she feels like. 

It’s been long since she told anyone about how she ended up being where she is, given the fact that her small circle consists of Chloé and her parents. She’s known Chloé since elementary school, she was there through the whole process, didn’t have to tell her the story. Outside that, she doesn’t go around and talks about getting pregnant at eighteen so she definitely needs to pull her thoughts together now.

“They were mad. Like, so fucking mad, I thought they are going to disown me,” she huffs with a bitter chuckle.

“Did they?” Harry finds himself asking.

“No. I could feel their disappointment for a while, but they said that they want to help me and be present. It never occurred to them to ever throw me out. I just had to deal with seeing it in their eyes for months.”

She scratches her neck, taking a deep breath and trying to find her words to get back to the story. To her story.

“So I figured out that I want to keep the baby and I told Austin about it.”

“Austin?”

“Oh, yeah. His name is Austin.”

Harry notices how she used present time, so he knows that the reason why he is not present is not because something happened and he died. Austin is very much alive, just chooses to be a douche and not care for his son.

“He tried to convince me to get an abortion, but I didn’t want to, so he had to accept my decision. Though he didn’t shy away from voicing his disapproval. Anyway, we tried to stay together, but it was just a whole lot. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to uni, I wanted to support myself financially and not live on my parents’ money, I just couldn’t deal with his behavior which was absolute trash.”

“Did he ever…?” Harry trails, hoping he doesn’t have to finish the sentence and she will know what he means. Luckily, she does.

“No. Austin never hit me, I think he is too chicken to do that, but he surely liked to give me all the pain through his words. Treated me like shit and I think he was trying to bully me into breaking up with him, so it wouldn’t be him who left his pregnant girlfriend.”

“Fucking asshole,” Harry mumbles, not able to hold himself back. He can feel the rage crawling up his neck, numbing his fingers, aching to bring justice. 

“Yeah,” she nods. “Well, he succeeded and I threw him out when I was in the eighth month. He tried to stay present for a while. He was there when Benji was born, though not in the room, but he was there. And he genuinely tried to get into the role of being a father, but I guess he just… couldn’t. He started coming over less and less until he barely even asked about Benji once a week, only seeing him a few times a month. And I still don’t know if I should have tried to reach out and help him connect with Benji and just the idea of being a dad, but… I didn’t. I just watched him break all contact with us and disappear into thin air. By the time Benji turned two, I couldn’t even tell if Austin still lived in our town or not. Haven’t heard from him in about three years,” she finishes and Harry is left at a loss of words. He can only imagine what it was like to go through all of this at such a young age.

“Though it seems like everything turned shit, I still think that I managed to bring the best out of it. A year later than my peers but I started uni, my school offered a chance for people like me to have a special timetable, manage my courses more losely than others, so I had only two days when I had to go in and I could bring Benji with me if I wanted. My teachers were super helpful so I got my degree and moved up to London when I got the job at Golden Sunshine.”

“Weren’t you afraid of moving out from your parents? I assume they helped you a lot in the beginning.”

“Oh, I was,” she chuckles softly, bringing a smile to his lips too. “I couldn’t have done it without them, and I’m very thankful for them. The moment they saw Benji I could feel them shift, I didn’t see the disappointment anymore, just the endless love and caring for him. They are in love with being a grandparent and maybe I could have stayed longer with them, but I wanted to find my own place, start my own life and not depend on them forever.”

“That’s very respectable,” Harry nods in awe. Not many would have thought that same way as she did in her situation. 

“I’m not saying it was easy at the beginning, because I had very little support system here in London. Luckily, my best friend, Chloé was already living here and she was always happy to help me with anything. She still is. But if I’m being honest I thought about moving back home a few times. Though I’m glad I didn’t. I think I needed to face this and I’m happy I didn’t try to push it too much, I forced myself to make the change before I could get too comfortable at home. Now I feel home here as well and I think Benji does too. I like to think that I’m doing a good job raising him, but I can only hope,” she chuckles lightly before bringing her sandwich back up to his mouth and she starts eating again. 

Silence comes over them, but it’s much needed and appreciated. It lets Annalise have a breather after everything she just shared, think about her words, while Harry is trying his best to process all the information he just learned. 

He thought he got to know her pretty well that evening when they met, having to talk to her for hours on end, but this just put her in a whole different lighting and though he wasn’t mad at her for not telling him about Benji before, he couldn’t have been now after hearing everything. Annalise went through more in just a few years than most people experience over a decade probably. And on top of everything, she nailed it all like not many could have. Harry envies her bravery and strength, her ability to start over after being thrown to the ground several times. He could have never done the same.

Harry feels the need to voice his appreciation.

“I know that you will probably doubt the validity of my words, but I just want to say that I think you are an amazing person. Everything you did, for yourself and Benji, it’s a miracle and it’s all thanks to you. If I can say that… I’m proud of you.”

Annalise is at a loss of words. She can’t remember the last time someone told her they were proud of her and she definitely did not expect to hear it from Harry, but here they were, sitting on a bench in a park, eating lunch together, seeing each other for only the third time ever. Though she was stubborn not to let her walls down too fast and easily, she can now feel them trembling. A lot. 

“Thank you,” she breathes out, feeling too shy to look him in the eyes, so she keeps her gaze fixated on her hands. 

Following the quite serious topic they just discussed, Harry manages to ease the mood a little, starting a conversation about things that are much lighter. He is pleased to see that they are able to pick up where they left on New Year’s Eve, talking and joking about basically anything without taboos. This is what has drawn him so forcefully to her right in the beginning. She is unapologetically herself regardless of who she is talking to or what she is talking about and it encourages him to be the same. He can so easily leave his ties back he usually feels on him most of the time in life. But not with Annalise. She can easily make Harry forget about the existence of any other human being on the planet and he is desperately trying to keep this feeling close to his heart. 

However that short hour is nearing its end quite soon and they are forced to head back to her workplace so she can make it back in time. Harry saw today solemnly as a chance to be her friend and strengthen her trust in him, but when they are sitting in his car heading back to the retirement home he finds himself having a hard time thinking about her in a friendly way. He wishes he could just easily switch it in his brain, but Annalise messed it all up so easily and gracefully that he can’t even be mad. However, he feels too weak to stand the tempting urge and not give in. 

As they are nearing Golden Sunshine Harry is chewing on the inside of his cheeks, gripping the wheel a little tighter than usually, trying to figure out what to do once they arrive. While right next to him, Annalise is having a somewhat similar fight with herself, because she genuinely enjoyed her time with Harry and though her strict side is telling her to keep her distance, her heart is screaming at her to let him get closer.

The car comes to a halt and they both just sit there for a few moments, lost in their own head, waiting for something to happen. Right when Annalise is about to say something and end this little meet-up on a neutral note, Harry speaks up breaking the silence.

“Annalise, I want to be very honest with you,” he starts seriously and she is a little taken aback by the tone, but nods.

“Okay.” Harry stares out the windshield, hands still on the wheel, as if he is trying to ground himself, have a grip of something solid in his fists to mask the nerves taking over him.

“I know that I said that I’m fine with being friends and I still think that, don’t get me wrong. Above anything and everything, I would love to be your friend. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want more, because I do. I definitely do and I’m not gonna lie to myself or you. So this is kind of my warning that… I will shoot my shots as often as possible and I’ll see this—“ he gestures between him and her nervously, “as something that I want to work on and head in a…” It’s hard for him to find the right words, as if Annalise just made his mind blank when words are usually his best friends. But not now, because all he can think about is the woman sitting next to him.

Sighing he lets his hands drop to his lap, turning to face her finally, finding her bright eyes already staring back at him intently.

“I want this to head in a romantic way, Lis. I really do, because I just can’t stop this attraction I feel and if I’m being honest, I don’t even want to stop it. I remember and understand everything you said about wanting to protect Benji and how dating has been for you, but I want you to know that it doesn’t stop me from trying over and over again.”

Staring into her eyes he is desperate to read something out of them, but for once, she looks completely blank, just blinking at him, seemingly deep in her thoughts. He almost entirely regrets opening his mouth in the first place, but then she notices the tiniest smile playing on her lips.

“Okay,” she quietly says, clearly surprising Harry with her short, but unexpected reaction to his words.

“Okay?” he repeats the word, eyebrows raised at the woman beside him. Annalise nods.

“Yeah. Okay.”

Harry repeats it again in his mind, trying to find a different meaning behind it, but there’s none. It’s an okay which is neither bad nor the best kind of reaction, but way better than what he was expecting.

“Okay,” he nods, saying the word again, noticing how ridiculous this conversation just sounded, but he couldn’t care less. That okay means more than anything to him.

“Thank you for lunch,” Annalise smiles before opening the door.

“It was a pleasure,” Harry returns the smile and waves in her way, watching her shut the door and he stays right there as she walks up to the entrance. She glances back one last time, her smile widening for a split second before she disappears inside the building.

“Harry?”

Mitch’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts for probably the fifth time today as he has been far from the studio, clearly putting his mind somewhere else than into the songs they are recording.

“What? Sorry. Zoned out a little,” he mumbles rubbing his eyes, hoping to return to the present.

It’s been just two days since he has last seen Annalise and though they’ve been staying in touch through texts ever since, he is keen on seeing her as soon as possible.

“Care to share what’s got your thoughts occupied?” Sarah chimes in from the corner of the room. Her comment is not harsh or rude, more like curious and kind of delighted. Studio sessions between Harry and the band have always been seen as more of a creative environment where they get to do anything that helps the workflow, rather than a compulsion or pressure to create. They all know it’s not how good music is born, so it has never been taken badly when someone was not at the top of their game.

“If I had a guess I would say it starts with L and ends with Is,” Adam smirks from his chair, mindlessly pushing himself to left and right, his eyes watching Harry.

“I’m just trying to figure out what to do next.”

“Have something on your mind?” Sarah questions, leaning forward to rest is elbows on her knees.

“I do, but I just don’t know where the boundaries lie with Benji. If she would let me… meet him, I guess,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, leaving his locks fall messily back, before they slowly return to frame his forehead.

“Why don’t you just ask her?” Mitch easily questions.

“I just feel like… I’m walking on eggshells. What if she takes it the wrong way?”

“What do you mean?” Adam asks.

“She said her encounters with men didn’t end well when it came to Benji. I’m afraid she would think I’m just trying to get closer to her through Benji, which is totally not the case. I want to get to know him because I know how important he is to her, so I obviously want to be close to him as well.”

“Harry,” Sarah smiles at him warmly. “Just tell her exactly this. From what you told us, she sounds like a smart woman. Worst case, she’ll say no to you meeting the kid. Just don’t take it to your heart too much.”

Harry nods knowing she is right. Fishing his phone out of his pocket he sends a quick text to Annalise.

Harry: Let me know when you have the time to talk so I can call you.

He doesn’t think she would get back to him too soon, but just when he is about to return his attention to the task on his hands, the screen lights up.

Lis: I’m free now.

“Sorry guys, I need to make a quick call. Be right back,” he excuses himself leaving the room, walking out to the empty hallway as his thumb glides across the screen, opening up Annalise’s contact. He draws a deep breath, keeps it in and then exhales sharply before he finally taps on the right button and starts the call. She picks up just after two rings.

“Hey!” Her joyful voice rings through the phone, instantly making Harry smile.

“Hi, I hope I’m not bothering you,” he breathes out.

“I literally told you it’s fine to call,” she chuckles. “How are you?” she asks and he just knows it’s not one of those empty questions. She is genuinely interested in the answer.

“I’m good, just working at the studio, but I wanted to ask you something.”

“Alright, shoot it.”

“I hope I’m not crossing any lines and please tell me if I do, but I would really love to have you and Benji over at my place for lunch or dinner sometime and I thought we could play board games. I have a bunch for times when my friends are over and I’m sure we could find something Benji would like.”

All his blood rushes to his head as his anxiety is reaching its maximum level. He has never felt this nervous about just a simple question, an invitation, but everything about Lis makes him go into a spiral, afraid he might lose what he has with her for now.

The silence on the other end of the call is wrecking him and he even goes to check if the call is still on, because he can’t hear a thing. Right when he is about to ask if she’s still there, she finally breaks the silence.

“When?” she asks shortly and that one little word means the world to Harry. For a split second he thinks he’s going to faint as all the blood rushes out of his face at the answer.

“Whenever it’s good for you. I can push around my plans in the next two weeks so I’m open to anything,” he answers eagerly.

“I’d rather not do it on a weekday, I don’t want Benji to go to bed late. I’m working on Saturdays and the afternoon is always our time, so that leaves us with Sunday,” she explains so precisely, Harry feels like he is listening to someone talk about the solution of a mathematical problem.

“Alright,” he nods following her trail of thoughts.

“He has a football game next weekend so this week would be the best for us.”

This week. This Sunday is only two days away, meaning that it would happen sooner than he expected, but there’s no way he would turn her down. Sunday it is.

“Works for me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Lunch or dinner?”

“Maybe lunch? I take bedtime really seriously,” she explains and he makes a mental note, storing it along with everything else he knows so far about her and Benji.

“Perfect. Lunch is great.”

“Are you sure it’s not too soon for you? You can tell me—“

“Lis, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it, alright? I’ll text you the address and exact time after I pushed back my meeting.”

“If you have work to do, then we could—“

“None of that,” he cuts her off again, not letting her push it around until it won’t happen. That will not be the case if it’s up to him. “I said it’s all good and I meant it. Don’t worry about it.”

After a short pause, she finally gives in. “Okay,” she sighs. “Thank you for the invitation. And for thinking about Benji too.”

“Of course. I hope you’re not taking it in a negative way though. I really want to get to know him as well.”

“You haven’t given me a reason to think of you differently,” she states confidently before adding: “Don’t make me regret it.”

-

NEXT PART 

-

TAGLIST

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@stylesfics-xx​​ @dontworrysunflower​​ @mariamuses​​ @bookwormandtea​​ @swtxel​​

[judylicious]

And When He Smiles I Swear I Can’t Breathe

Alan Rubin x fem!Reader

Word count: 2,246

Fandom: Blues Brothers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Blues Brothers characters or movies. This refers to Alan Rubin as a character in the movie, not the real Alan (although he obvsly played himself but you know what I mean)

I’d like to add that I made everyone of the band a few years younger (so the age gap between the reader and Alan isn’t that big), so he’s approx. in his early 30s.

Sophia & Lisa are two OCs created by two lovely people within the fandom.

Warnings: swearing, be prepared for a lot of sob-stuff

a link to the song the two are dancing to, mentioned near the end, if you feel like checking it out

Chapter VI

The following days seemed to take forever, Charlotte simply couldn’t wait for Friday until finally it was about time. Shortly before 8p.m. she toddled down the stairs in her heels. “Bye mum, see you later!” “Where you’re going?”, her mum yelled back from the kitchen. “To Sophia’s!”, the young woman responded quickly and made it almost through the front door. “Why are you dressed up like this?”, Sylvia peeped her head out of the kitchen. Damn.

“We… wanna take some photos and try out some makeup.” “Huh. Alright then, just remember to be back before 11!” “I will mum, see ya.” After closing the door behind her, Charlotte looked for Alan, who had parked his car in front of the neighbours house, where she got off last time Alan drove her home. He was casually leaning at the car’s top, giving her a quick wave. “Hi Alan!”, she greeted him with a big smile. The musician looked absolutely gorgeous. Blue jeans, a matching blue suit jacket and a white, silk shirt, first few buttons undone. He couldn’t help himself but looked Charlotte up and down. “Oh God, something wrong with my dress?”, she panicked. “Am I underdressed? Shall I go back inside and change?” and tugged at her dress. “No, no, on the contrary. You look amazing.” “You’re sure? Where are we going?”, she still felt awkward. “A little Italian place I thought you may like. Don’t you dare changing though! I love that dress.” And with that he held out his hand to help Charlotte get into his car.

When they got to the small restaurant and their table Alan pulled out the chair for Charlotte, before ordering a bottle of Chardonnay, to show her that he didn’t forget about their first night. The evening was lovely. The food was delicious and the two discovered a lot things they had in common, like both being great jazz fans and they also enjoyed the same literature. “You know back in middle school I joined the marching band.”, Charlotte told the handsome man, who sat across the table. “Really? What instrument did you play? … No, wait, let me guess.” He took a moment to study her. “The clarinet!” “Is that a good or bad thing you think I played the clarinet?”, she asked laughing. “Nah, I played the triangle. I was actually pretty good at it!”, putting on a straight face. Alan gave her a questioning look until she decided to put him out of his misery. “I’m only needling you! I played the oboe. Yep. Hated it. Quit. End of story.” Causing them both to laugh. “Well, definitely wrong choice of instrument there. Should have learned the trumpet.”, Alan contended. “So it really is true what they say about trumpet players.” “And what is that?” “That you’re so full of yourself and that you like to play loud because you enjoy listening to yourself.” “Is that a good or bad thing?”, he grinned. “Mhm, I don’t mind.”, she shrugged her shoulders but shot him a seductive glance. “Lucky me then.”, he said in soft tone while raising his brows and took her hand in his, caressing it with his thumb.

“So what happened next?”, Sophia asked excitedly almost starting up from her chair. It was the next day and the three friends met for coffee and obviously Charlotte’s report on last night. “Nothing. He took me home like the gentleman he is.”, she said almost sounding disappointed. “No kiss?”, Lisa asked again. “A kiss on the hand only… Do you think that’s a bad sign?” “Of course not. It was your first proper date.” “Because the evening went REALLY well. We laughed a lot and shared so many things. And he constantly gave me that look. So I honestly wonder if I did anything wrong.”, Charlotte sighed. “I’m sure you didn’t!”. The two friends assured her and Lisa stroke Charlotte’s arm thoughtfully. “He probably doesn’t wanna rush things with you and wants to show you that he got serious intentions with you by taking it slow.” “And technically not kissing on a first dating isn’t really taking this ‘slow’”. “Exactly!” “I hope you’re right girls, I really do.”, the blonde woman said, resting her head on one arm, stirring her coffee absently. “When will you see him again?”, Lisa tried to cheer her up. “Huh? Oh, Monday night.” “What have you two planned?” “I err… don’t know to be honest. He said he got a little surprise for me. So no idea where he will take me. I’m supposed to dress fancy, that’s all I know”, she explained with a smile. “Aww, that’s so sweet! I bet it’s something real romantic.” “You know Alan is the sweetest. When he looks at me with those beautiful brown eyes and smiles at me, I swear I can’t breathe. It’s like everything around me starts to fade and it’s just him.”, Charlotte romanced about the trumpet player. “By the way, did you ask him about that woman you saw him with in the streets the other night?”, Sophia asked in a serious tone. “So why would she wanna do that?!”, Lisa countered. “Because she’s dating him and has a right to know if she’s the only one he’s seeing?” “Yeah but they’re not at the point yet where they should talk about being exclusive. It was their first date!” “But why did he meet that woman if he’s that much into Charlotte like he told us?” Charlotte tried to chip in into their argument: “Wait, you told me he was probably only distracting himself!” “See what you did?”, Lisa started again. “Try not to be so negative all the time, you keep ruining things!” “Girls, GIRLS!” “Excuse me that I don’t want her to get hurt.” “Oh, so you’re telling me that I want to see our friend getting hurt..?!” “GIRLS! Would you stop it for fucks sake!”, Charlotte said through gritted teeth but loudly enough for the two fighting girls to hear her. “Calm down, would you.” “I’m sorry Lisa.”, Sophia started and turned to Charlotte. “You’re just so found of him, I would hate to see him taking advantage of that.” “He won’t.” The dark haired girl sighed “Promise me you won’t put up with everything, alright? Try to see things around him as well.” “I promise.”, the blonde girl assured her friends with a smile.

On Monday Charlotte was sitting in Alan’s car again and still hadn’t got a clue where they were going. It was only when they stood in front of a big dance hall with a sign “Tonight Private Function with Freddie Hubbard” when it dawned on her. “No way! This is sold out for weeks.” And saw Alan waving with the tickets. “How on earth…? I’ve been dying to score tickets.” “Well, frankly I’m friends with Freddie. We’ve been recording a few albums together.”, Alan said proudly. “But don’t tell Jake, he would hate to know I’m working with others.” “Mum’s the word.”, Charlotte smiled and links arms with the handsome musician. The big dance room was decorated beautifully and it was more than a simple concert. There was a dance floor, they had put up round tables with hors d’oeuvres on silver serving plates and everyone in the audience had their assigned seat. Alan pulled out the chair for Charlotte, before he seated himself and ordered some drinks. As the band got up on stage and started playing she leaned towards her date. “Alan?”, squeezing his arm softly. “What do I owe you for this?” “Huh? What do you mean? Nothing of course.” “You’re sure this is alright? I don’t wanna be kept by you or anything.” “No of course not, this is fine. Please simply enjoy this evening, okay?” He smiled at her and softly brushed a curl from her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. And caught up in his smile, how could she deny him this wish.

Soon after the piano started playing Louis Armstrong’s “A Kiss To Build A Dream On” Charlotte gasped. “Oh gosh, I absolutely love this song!” “Would you like to dance?”, Alan asked her, offering her his left hand. “I-I don’t know. I haven’t danced very often and-“ And with one motion he got Charlotte on her feet and escorted her to the dance floor. “Don’t you worry.”, Alan told her and they started swaying a little to the side before he moved into her. When she got back into position after a turn she could feel his strong bicep under his shirt, how it tensed every time he pushed her a step backwards and her mind started wandering what his body must look like under his clothes. His strong shoulders and arms, his chest, she already knew he had a bit of chest hair which drove her mad and she had been admiring his tight buns for quite a few times. “See? You’re doing pretty well. … Charlotte?” He snapped her out of her daydream. “Huh? I’m so sorry.” “You’re a natural when it comes to dancing.” “Really? Well, thanks, I do enjoy this.” “What were you thinking about?”, he gave her a curious look. “Uh- nothing.”, she replied blushing. “I hope you thought of me.. and not anyone else in this room?”, he smirked at her. “I most certainly did.”, she said after lowering her view. But Alan tilted her chin up and stared into her eyes for a moment. “You look absolutely smashing tonight.” She was wearing a long, claret cocktail gown, with a lace trimmed, backless top. “Thank you, Alan!”, she smiled. “You look very dapper too.” the girl in his arm tugged at his bow tie. “Your back neckline is such a tease, you know that..?” He licked his bottom lip and moved his hand at her back a little higher to caress her bare skin. Still swaying he softly pulled her closer to him until their chests were nearly touching and almost intuitive her hand wandered from his biceps, over his shoulder to the back of his head, playing with his dark hair when she leaned into him. “Would you like to kiss me?” She whispered almost inaudibly, glancing up at him, smiling and he didn’t hesitated, his lips covering hers in a long, warm kiss. They felt soft and with every of their movements she could feel and imagine their full and sensuous chiseled shape and it didn’t take her long to run both of there hands through his wavy hair. His tongue forced entry and the kiss turned into a consuming, hungry yet sweet, teasing her with a hint of promise and driving her body to new heights of awareness. Somehow desperate he pulled away from her and cleared his throat. “Such a shame this is the wrong place.” “Well, we got all night.”, Charlotte replied, biting her lower lip.

After the concert Alan and Charlotte went for a walk. It was a clear and star-bright night. As they walked side-by-side Alan carefully put his hand over her back, watching the young woman vigilantly to make sure she was okay. “How come you still work at the Chez Paul if you got recording sessions with Freddie?” “It’s really more of an occasional job. I started working there when Jake and Elwood put the band together and we didn’t had many gigs at the start. When the money was good I quit and now I only work there like 2 or 3 nights a month cos they-“ He paused when he noticed Charlotte rubbing her arms. “Are you cold?” “Just a little bit but it’s alright!” She didn’t want this night and their togetherness to stop on no account, even if it meant freezing, she thought. But Alan stopped and let go of her hand, taking off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. “Don’t want you to catch a cold.”, he said in a soft tone and gave her a short but sensuous kiss on her lips. “Thanks Alan.” She smiled back at him and grabbed his hands as they continued walking. “So.. every now and then when they run short on staff I stand in. I know I don’t have to but the work is alright and they pay well.” When they reached Alan’s car he softly pushed her against it. “But I really don’t wanna talk about work now.”, he said in low voice and was just about to kiss her neck when they heard a female voice. “Alan, how marvellous it is to see you.” He instantly turned around to face a blonde lady, leaning against the bonnet. Charlotte tried to get a look at her and took a deep breath when she realised it was the woman with whom she had seen him in the streets a week ago. “Lari… what are you doing here?”, he asked the woman, squeezing Charlotte’s hand. “I don’t know, saw your car and thought I’d wait here for you. I see you’ve got a date…” “I do. What do you want?” “Nothing, just funny isn’t it. You’ve always been such a womaniser.”, she chuckled. “Tonight you’re on a date with her and just a few nights ago I remember how you got all down and dirty with me on the bonnet of your precious car. Hm.”, and she gave him a fake smile when Charlotte felt a sharp pain in her chest and immediately let go of Alan’s hand.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

[the-queer-look]

Queer Uber Fund

Name: Gloria Demillo Age: 25 Location: Melbourne Occupation: Digital Copywriter/Poet Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Gender: Non-Binary

I used to really care about how I presented, especially in the workplace because I work in both a corporate environment, and in art spaces, people expect you to look a certain way if your gender is a certain way. Sometimes I think people expect me to be more masc, which I find strange in art spaces, I said I was Non-Binary, not that I was masc y’know? People will send me audition callouts for acting with “identifies as trans-masc” on them which is always weird. Honestly I just wear what I feel comfortable in, or for the weather, which is a statement in and of itself. Before I realised I was non-binary it was very performative – I really did dress for other people, or how they perceive me, or how I want them to perceive me. But now I just don’t care, as long as they perceive me as hot.

I’ve always had a feeling about not being straight, but I’ve never had the language for it because I grew up in a very conservative christian church. It was like “gay is bad” but all of the language around it was centred on men, with nothing to say about women being with women, or both. Like… what’s the grey area there? I was raised and socialised as a woman so… was this only a male centric sin? I started to have a language for it at uni, which helped because I found ways to discuss something I’d always felt, but didn’t know how to explain. When I look back at my childhood and how I expressed myself it just… makes sense. I had this favourite shirt, just a really dark shirt with a lion on it, and I’d always wear it with these little pink shoes with pom poms on it, and that aesthetic of really daggy clothes with really nice shoes is really the modern queer aesthetic.

It was mid 2019 when I realised I was non-binary and then I came out in October of that year, but there was such a long process. I was thinking about gender in uni, and then when I was experimenting more with how I presented myself and letting go of a lot of the ways in which I was socialised to behave. Being socialised as a woman was really violent for me – I don’t know how else to describe it – I had a lot of expectations put on me about my body, and how I should act, and how I should be in relationships, and when I was dealing with all of that gender stuff, it was very freeing to no longer have to live up to this arbitrary standard that was forced upon me. It was also much easier for me to talk about it because I was surrounded by so many lovely trans and non-binary friends, but of course talking to my cis friends about it was very… ugh...

I think when I found the language for my sexuality not much changed in the way I presented myself, it wasn’t until I found the language to express my gender as non-binary that there was a change in the way I thought about myself and how I was being perceived my relationship with my body. I really felt it, It was such a different transformation, I was so genuinely happier in my body, and stopped caring about how other people perceived me, and whether or not my presentation made sense to other people. I’ve stopped wearing clothes that are really tight. I don’t know why, but everything I had before coming out about being non-binary was very tight, very fitted, and now everything is very loose and flowy. It isn’t that I don’t like my body, I love my body, but now mostly what I wear is loose and billowy and doesn’t hug me so tightly.

To me the term Queer encompasses a description of my gender and sexuality that isn’t just one thing because its such a broad label. The way it was introduced to me was like a very radical and subversive way to refer to ones gender and sexuality, and I love that it’s been reclaimed by the community as a whole, though I completely understand those parts of the community that are uncomfortable with the term being used at all due to the way it was used in derogatory ways for so long, especially when used by persons outside the community. I’m sure that there’s going to be a generation coming up that will have no negative associations with that word, in the same way that I have younger queer friends that refer to each other using the F slur as a term of endearment, when I wouldn’t use it with most people.

I’ve always had a lot of queer friends, but I don’t think I started going to a lot of queer specific parties until the last three or for years. Queer events too, drag shows, musicians, poets and artists and other queer specific events. It hit a point where I just didn’t want to go to another straight club. They don’t feel safe, and I cannot just sit there and listen to another Ed Sheeran or Drake song when I want to dance y’know? I’m not a huge fan of the fact that queer events always focus around a party or something, I just want a quiet queer event like a queer book club or something. I’m going to join a queer climbing club or something, just be more involved.

I love being around other queer people, but there’s also a lot of racists around. Just because the event is queer does not mean the event is safe. You’d think that we would have dealt with intersectionality by now. Genderqueer people are more aware because we live on the margins of society and have for like… ever. But I find it really frustrating when people create queer events that aren’t accessible – people with different sensory needs, comfortable for people of colour, accessible for people with physical difficulties etc. I remember the first time I went to a queer club event with a quiet room and I lost my mind, like I wanna be at the club for six hours, but I want to sit down and have a break with just a little noise for a while y’know? It was so beautiful and safe.

K: What challenges do you see still facing the queer community today? Gloria: Racism

There are so many things, being trans-non-binary and a POC I get to see it all but like. People within the community that just straight up hate trans people? The phobia is coming from inside the house! Unlearn that shit queers! Some people in the community get rights? Like they can get married, get recognised, and then they turn around and say “us? we’re the good gays” shut the fuck up. Yeah, internalised phobias within the community? We need to unlearn that as a group, that’s a group effort.

Racism, ablism etc, we need to get rid of those because intersectionality is a thing. I also think that there’s so many laws that are trying to literally kill people in the community so like… I don’t know if we need to crowd fund some community lawyers or something, but we need to get some protections from these people who are out here doing their most to keep us down. I also think that cishet people really need to do better, even the ones that say they’re all about allyship will say that they’re on your side and then take you right to a straight club and like hey, what’re we doing here? I think cishet people don’t understand that there are certain spaces that, for non cishet people, are just inherently unsafe y’know? There isn’t any thought as to how their queer friends are safe going somewhere, or how they’re presenting is safe. When cishet people come into spaces that are meant for queer people yeah it’s just a party and a grand old time, but queer people don’t have that same privilege or concept of space y’know? At a straight club I could just disappear because some homophobe clocks me as queer and has a problem and what would y’all do about that? Cishet people walk around like life is this RPG that they’ve unlocked all parts of, and are free to go anywhere, and just don’t realise that there are places that they perceive as totally safe that are completely unsafe for any queer person to be in. We can’t even go to certain countries? We can’t live in certain suburbs of Sydney! People get bashed in fucking Newtown for being gay. Cishet people, especially if you say you’re an ally, or go into our spaces to have fun, why don’t you take a few seconds to think about the safety of your queer friends? Why don’t you pay for our Ubers and shit, make sure we get home? don’t just text me “are you home safe?” be about it!

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[calpalirwin]

Little Star

Summary: Ashton isn’t the only one wrapped around his little girl’s finger. 

A/N: My brain child with @creator-appreciator​ grows. 

Word Count: 2.9k

__

Part 1

“I want about 6. 8. I’m gonna go hard,” Ashton’s voice said through Sam’s phone. From on the other side of the couch, Ashton’s real voice asked, “Why are you watching that interview? It’s like… 2, 3 years ago.”

“6 or 8 kids, huh?” Sam asked in lieu of answering him.

Ashton shrugged. “I mean, I dunno. Be nice I suppose. But also I was just being stupid.”

“So, like 1 would be fine for the time being?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want to have a baby? Like now?”

“Well… not now now. But like 9-ish months now? How would you feel about that?”

“A-are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you pregnant? Are we having a baby?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow to confirm. But yeah. Pretty sure.”

“I-” he started, but launched himself across the couch to give her a hard kiss instead. “What time is your appointment?”

“You want to come with me?”

“Of course I want to come with you! We’re having a baby!”

“Fletch, you’re crying,” Sam said, wiping her thumb across her husband’s cheek.

“Good tears,” he sniffed, his hands rubbing along her stomach. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet you.”

~~~

Ashton’s hand tightened its grip on Sam as they heard the rapid “swwwoooop swwwoooop swwwoooop” of their baby’s heartbeat on the monitor. “You okay?” Sam chuckled, flexing her hand.

“Terrified,” he whispered back in awe. He crooked his index finger at the screen in a little wave. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m your daddy.”

Sam swallowed thickly, tears forming in her eyes. “You are already so loved, little one,” she choked out.

~~~

The wait to 12 weeks to break the news to everyone was nothing short of torture for everyone all around as Ashton and Sam didn’t trust themselves to be around their friends without blurting out the news. So when Ashton finally corralled everyone over, Calum hugged Sam tightly before slugging Ashton in the arm as hard as he could, Luke and Michael following suit, the girls much nicer in just giving the couple both a hug hello

“Ow!” Ashton hissed through his teeth, rubbing his arm. “The fuck was that for?”

“Haven’t seen you guys in like a month. So what the fuck is going on?” Calum demanded, getting straight to the point.

“Sit down. We have presents for you all to make up for being shitty friends these last few weeks,” Sam said, gesturing for them to have a seat.

“You’re not a shitty friend, princess,” Calum told her.

“Gee thanks…” Ashton rolled his eyes. 

Michael laughed. “Seriously what Cal said. You guys just got married. Of course you’re gonna fall out of contact for a while.”

“Will you two shut up? If they feel bad and want to give us presents, let them give us presents!” Luke put in.

“Oh relax, you’ll get your present, partner,” Sam chuckled. “Fletch?”

“Yep, on it.” Ashton gave each couple a small little box. “They’re couple gifts, so sorry about that part. But we’re pretty sure you’ll love it.”

“Do we all open them together or?” Calum questioned.

“Yeah, you can open them all together,” Sam suggested, sitting back, excitement coursing through both her and Ashton as they awaited their friends’ reactions.

There was a sharp intake of breath as the lids popped open and the sonograms fell into laps. Then, “DIBS ON GODFATHER!” Calum, Luke, and Michael all shouted at once.

“What?! No! Fuck you guys! I’m godfather!” Calum claimed.

“Fuck you, Crystal and I are actually married too. We should be godparents.”

“Sierra and I are engaged! That should count!” Luke protested.

“No! I’m godfather. I’m original bub. Em’s is Sam’s childhood best friend. I officiated their fuckin’ wedding! I should be godfather! It makes the most sense,” Calum kept defending his stance.

“Would you three shut up?” Emily asked with an eye roll. “They’re having a fuckin’ baby!”

“Yeah, we’re supposed to be congratulating them,” Sierra put in.

“Oh, a baby!” Crystal beamed, her eyes watering. “Michael isn’t that great?!”

“See?!” Calum pointed a finger at Michael. “Your wife wants a baby! You can’t have a baby and be godfather to Ash and Sam’s baby, you greedy fuck.”

“Okay, but if Crystal and I have a baby then we should definitely be godparents because we’d be actual fuckin’ parents,” Michael pointed out. 

“I want to be godfather!” Luke pouted.

“You can all be godfather,” Ashton and Sam compromised.

“Unacceptable!” the guys screeched, rising to their feet. “There’s only one way to settle this,” Calum decided. “Godfather Olympics. Diaper changing. Feeding. Taking care of one of those robot babies,” he ticked each idea off on his fingers. “And… something else. We need at least 4 in the event of a tie. Oh! Best lullaby to soothe the baby with.”

“Someone get me a tortilla, and a bottle of mustard and ketchup,” Michael said, seeming to agree with Calum’s demands. “Gotta put it in writing.”

To give them all fair enough time to write a lullaby, the events were spread out over a course of the next four months. The problem ended up being that Calum won diaper changing, Michael won feeding, and then they both tied with the robot baby. The lullaby was supposed to be the tie-breaker, but Luke pulled through for his first victory- after literally crying to Ashton to help him win at least one event.

“Well, Mike and I are still tied for first, so good job to Luke, I guess. But he still lost,” Calum said, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” Sam said, not really paying attention because Duke was curled up on her swollen abdomen. “Yeah, you love your baby, don’t you Dukey?” she asked, scratching the dog’s ears. Blue was too big to lay on Sam, but the pup’s ears perked up at the word “baby” and her nose came up to nuzzle into Sam’s ribs. “Oh, yes, Blue, that’s your baby too, I know,” Sam told her, petting Blue’s head with her other hand. 

“Looks like the dogs are better godparents than the actual humans,” Ashton giggled.

Sam gasped, “Fletch! That’s a great idea! What do you think, Dukey? You wanna be the baby’s godfather?”

“What?!” Luke cried in outrage. “You’re gonna pick the dogs?!”

“You lost!” Calum and Michael told him.

“So, why aren’t you angry?!”

Michael shrugged, “Honestly, it sounds like something we’d do.”

“Yeah,” Calum admitted with a sigh of defeat. “No one gets their feelings hurt this way.”

“Okay, but it’s still kinda unfair to me because I only have 1 dog,” Luke chimed back in.

“So do I,” Calum told him.

Michael snorted, “Yeah right. Blue is basically your dog like Duke is, Cal. Leaving me and you tied again at 2 a piece, and Luke with his sad 1 point.”

“Okay, but they’re dogs. They’re not gonna know the difference,” Calum said.

“So, why don’t we all just share being godfather?” Luke suggested.

Ashton shared an eye roll with Sam before going, “Genius idea, Luke! Can’t believe we didn’t think of that before.”

“I sense sarcasm.”

“Whatever,” Calum said, moving past the Godfather Olympics that declared no real winner. “Now, that we’ve decided we’re all gonna be godfather, can we know what our godkid’s name is?”

“Well, we don’t want to know the gender because Sam-” Ashton started to explain but Sam cut him off.

“Because gender is a social construct. So we’re doing it old-school and waiting.”

“Okay but do you have name ideas at least?”

Ashton smiled sheepishly, shaking his head. “We’re still figuring that out. Sorry guys.”

“A nursery theme then?”

“Space,” they both answered.

The guys nodded in agreement. “Alright, we can work with that.”

~~~

As Operation Starry Night Nursery went underway, Ashton brought up the topic of names. “We only got a couple more months until this little one makes their appearance. They kinda need a name, baby.”

“I know,” Sam said with a weary sigh. “I kinda like the name Stella if it’s a girl.”

“Stella? That’s not even your favorite All Time Low song.”

Sam laughed, smacking his chest lightly. “Not after an All Time Low song! It means ‘star.’ Like how the nursery is spaced-themed.”

“Well her middle name can’t be Rosa because I don’t want people thinking I named my daughter after a beer.”

Sam gave out another snort of laughter. “No! Jesus, Fletch. Stella Grace.”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s really pretty. But what if we have a boy?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. And I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t like my ideas. Or if it’s because I don’t think we’ll need a boy name.”

“Weeeeeelllllll…” Ashton said slowly, drawing out the word, his gaze flickering over to the nightstand littered with sonogram pictures and an envelope that held the gender. “We could find out. If you want.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “You really wanna know, huh?”

“I really do,” Ashton told her, pulling the puppy dog face. “Like so fuckin’ bad. And I know I shouldn’t. But… yeah.”

“Oh, thank God!” Sam laughed in relief. “I want to know too. Gimme the damn envelope!”

Ashton quickly gave it to her, drumming his hands on his thighs for a drum roll, adding to the effect by beatboxing a drum beat to go with it, while Sam tore into the envelope. “Baby Irwin is… a girl! We’re having a girl!” she cheered with a gleeful laugh.

Ashton let out a choked giggle, a tear sliding down his cheek as his hands flew to Sam’s stomach. “Is that what you are? Huh? Are you my little star, Stella?”

There was a ripple of movement underneath his hands that had him and Sam both giggling more. “Yeah? You like that name? Oh, there are so many people waiting to meet you, Stella. People who love you more than you’ll ever know.”

~~~

“Twinkle twinkle, little star,” Ashton sang softly as he danced slowly around the room with Stella in his arms.

“Ashton Irwin, professional rock musician, singing lullabies in a hospital room,” Sam teased lightly. “Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming.”

“If it is a dream, let me sleep,” he answered. “I don’t ever wanna wake up from this.”

“Well, get your time in now. You know once the guys get her, you’re never getting her back. Shit, Calum and Emily might move in if we’re not careful.”

Ashton chuckled at the thought. “Might just all move into Mike’s. He’s got enough rooms.”

“While that’s not half bad, I’d rather not raise my baby in a mansion. She’s gonna be spoiled enough as is. Would like her to have some semblance of normal.”

“When have we ever been normal?”

Sam laughed, “Yeah, I suppose your right. But you guys did work hard on the nursery. So we probably shouldn’t move.”

“Yeah, plus I kinda like our house.”

“Me too.”

“Knock, knock,” Calum announced softly, rapping his knuckles against the open door, Emily behind him.

“Hey,” Sam greeted with a smile. “Where’s everyone else?”

“We didn’t wanna crowd you guys, so we’re taking turns. Michael and I played Rock, Paper, Scissors for first slot.”

“And what about Luke?” Ashton asked with a giggle.

“He cheated at Godfather Olympics so he was disqualified. You’ll see him last. Now gimme da baby.” He made grabby hands before taking the bundle from Ashton, cradling the infant carefully to him. “Oh, hey there, little one. I’m your Uncle Cal. And this is your Auntie Emily.”

“Can you say hi to them, Stella?” Ashton asked in a quiet, but higher pitched tone, the type of voice one adopts around newborns.

“Stella?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow at Sam. “That’s not your favorite All Time Low song.”

Sam facepalmed herself. “I did not name my daughter after an All Time Low song. I gave her that name because her father loves space and her name means ‘star.’ Jesus…”

“Her middle name isn’t Rosa, is it?”

“Jesus, it’s like you two are twins…” Sam said with an eye roll as Ashton busted up in a fit of giggles. “No. It’s Grace. Stella Grace.”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful little girl,” Emily commented. “Now gimme that baby.”

“Fine, fine,” Calum huffed, handing over Stella. “Oh, Mike said he had news. Won’t tell us what. Said he wanted to tell you guys first.

“Oh?” Ashton and Sam asked.

Calum shrugged. “No idea. But he seems excited.”

The rest of the short visit passed in silence aside from the cooed voices at Stella, asking her if she knew that she was the cutest little girl. At the fifteen minute mark, Michael appeared in the doorway with Crystal and a teddy bear. “Time’s up, Cal,” Michael said with a knowing smirk.

“Kiss ass,” Calum scoffed, jerking his chin at the teddy bear.

“It’s not from us,” Michael answered innocently.

“Whatever,” Calum rolled his eyes playfully. He crossed the room to give Sam a kiss on the cheek. “Congratulations, princess. She’s gorgeous just like her momma.”

“Thanks, bub. Em. See you guys later?”

“Yeah, we’ll all visit again when you guys get settled back home,” Emily promised.

“So who’s this?” Michael asked, taking Stella from Calum in a gentle manner and Calum and Emily made their exit.

“This is Stella Grace. And Stella, this is your Uncle Mike and Auntie Crystal,” Ashton introduced.

“Oh, well aren’t you precious!” Crystal exclaimed, tears brimming in her eyes. “Isn’t she the sweetest, Michael?”

“Yeah, she’s a cutie,” Michael agreed. “Hey, Stella, we brought you a present. Only it’s not from us. It’s from a friend of yours, actually.”

“Yeah, Cal said you had news? Is that tied to the bear?” Sam prompted.

“Yeah. So, when you guys announced you were pregnant, Crystal and I got to talking. And we didn’t want to feel like we were trying to upstage you guys or anything, so we kept talking. But then talking got carried away. And… well, I'm sure you can guess.”

“Pregnant?” Sam croaked at Crystal.

Crystal nodded shyly. “Yeah. Just passed the three month mark.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Ashton said with a big smile, clapping Michael on the shoulder, before giving Crystal a tight hug.

“Oh, congratulations, guys!” Sam told them. “Another little one, Fletch, can you believe it? Stella, you’re getting a cousin!”

Stella opened her mouth in a tiny yawn, making Michael giggle with glee. “Yeah, that’s right! We’re getting a friend just for you. They won’t be here for a bit to say hello, so they asked if we could give you this teddy bear for now. Is that okay? Can the teddy bear be your friend until your real friend gets here?”

“That’s fuckin’ awesome, Mike. I’m so happy for you guys,” Ashton said, his cheeks sore from his grin.

“Thanks, mate.” Michael gave Stella over to Crystal, and then sat down on the hospital bed next to Sam, pulling her towards him in a side hug. “I think I officially won on the nicknames, queen. You got quite the princess over there.”

Sam laughed in agreement, “Yeah, I think you did too. Just don’t tell Cal.”

He held up a pinky for her to interlock hers with. “It’ll be our little secret.”

“Is it my turn yet?” Luke’s voice piped up.

“Get in here,” Ashton beckoned, wrapping an arm around Luke’s shoulder. “Come meet Stella.”

“Aw, cuz she’s a star!” Sierra connected the dots.

“Huh, I thought it was cuz of All Time Low.” Michael shrugged. “Oh well.”

“Jack Barakat from All Time Low?” Luke asked with a dumb grin.

“Oh, shit!” Ashton said, clapping a hand to his back pocket for his phone. “That reminds me I have people to call. Fuck, Mum’s gonna be so pissed I spaced… I’ll be right back. Baby, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Fletch.”

When Crystal handed Stella to Luke, he made big eyes over at Sierra. “Oh! Can we have one?!” he pleaded.

“Funny story,” Michael coughed.

Sierra tore her eyes away from Stella to shoot Crystal a look. “Are you pregnant?!”

“13 weeks tomorrow,” Crystal confirmed.

Luke broke down sobbing, and from the hallway they heard an angry, “Oh, come on!” from Calum before the man appeared in the room. “Luke found out before me?! Luke?!” he whisper-shouted at Michael.

“What were you doing in the hallway?” was the deflection.

“Well, after you came in here, I went to the gift shop since how someone broke the no gift rule. And when I went to the waiting room, Luke was gone, so I figured he was here.”

“Wait, we were allowed to bring gifts?” Luke asked in confusion, passing Stella to Sierra. “Damn it! No one tells me anything!”

“You’re telling me! Mike, seriously? Luke?!”

“We were planning on telling everyone later on. With the exception of Ash and Sam of course,” Crystal explained. “But Luke just asked Sierra for a baby, so it slipped out.”

“I guess that’s fair…” Calum huffed.

“Wait, so are we allowed to bring gifts or not?” Luke repeated his question.

“No,” Calum and Michael told him. “Mike and Crystal broke the rule on a technicality. Their gift to Stella is really from their baby. And the gift shop sucks. Can find better shit online for half the price,” Calum furthered explained. “Where’d Ash go?”

“I stepped out to call my Mum,” Ashton said from behind Calum. “She wants pictures. Sam, you up for that?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Fletch.”

“Alright, family photo time. Get in,” Ashton directed and set up his camera, before sitting on the other side of Sam and taking Stella from Sierra. “Say ‘twinkle twinkle little star.’”

“Twinkle twinkle, little star!” everyone grinned as the camera went off in a series of little spurts.

__

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[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Fifteen

Jensen Ackles x Musician!Reader

Masterlist - Contains Chapter Links & Wardrobe Collages

A/N: Sorry for the delay with this new chapter! Life has been getting in the way, BUT I am back and determined to finish this ridiculously LONG fic. Thank you to everyone who keeps reading and following along with this one. You don’t know what it means to me! Any lines bold and italic are not written by me, but song lyrics used in the fic.

Spotify Playlist 

Chapter Summary: The impromptu vacation Jensen takes Y/N away on hits a bump in the road, but they find a way to make the most of it.

Chaper Warnings: Floof, Mild Implied Smut, NSFW 18+ Only

WC: 11.9K

Series Beta’d by @closetspngirl

Y/N’s dreams were staggered and yet, lucid. She knew she had been dreaming, yet nothing in it felt like a dream; more so like she was replaying a real life memory. 

She was on a stage. The lights were bright and hot, obscuring the crowd that was spread out beyond her. She could hear their cheers and screams of excitement. She could smell the faint hint of beer wafting in from the sea of darkened faces in front of her. In the dream, she looked down and saw her dad’s guitar back in her hands, and her heart swelled with both pride and ache. Love filled her, and slowly, she turned her head to stage left and saw him waiting for her there….

Jensen.

He was leaning against a speaker that stood nearly ten feet tall. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his beard was fuller than he normally kept it. Y/N could feel his eyes on her, watching, beaming with pride. She felt his joy, his devotion… and then she saw them. Two small shapes bouncing and giggling, stopping just before tumbling out onto the stage. They couldn’t have been older than three or four, and they both had Jensen’s green eyes. She knew they were her children, in the same way she knew it was all a dream. Any minute now she would wake up, and he would be lazily dozing next to her. 

Haze and smoke from the crowd began to move in a hypnotizing pattern as it swirled up and into the rafters of the stage lighting. Y/N turned back towards the crowd and knew right then, that her life was just as it should be. She found comfort and solace in the unexpected now and this dream-induced glimpse at a future that could be waiting for her, gave her soul a sort of peace she never knew was possible. 

Y/N’s eyes felt the morning light permeate her closed lids. She wasn’t sad in the least that it was time to open them and face her day. The lingering images of the dream found a place in her waking mind and settled in with excitement for seeing it all unfold in the future. But it wasn’t time yet. For now, it was time to enjoy the next two days with Jensen, in the only place on Earth she loved more than being wherever he was.

Pushing herself up and turning over to wrap her arms around Jensen, she was disappointed to find he was no longer there next to her. She knew she had slept a deep, blissful sleep, but she was still surprised that she hadn’t felt him get up. Throwing off the covers, she got up and moved around the room looking for signs of him. The bathroom was empty, as was the small sitting room that led to the door of the room. 

Y/N wrinkled her brow, curious where he could have gone. She reached into her bag and pulled out clothes for the day. Turning back towards the bed, a folded piece of pale lavender paper with her name scrawled across the front sat waiting for her on the small nightstand an arm’s reach from her side of the bed. 

“Real observant, dummy,” she mocked to herself as she reached for it. 

Trix,

Running a couple errands. Should be back by noon. Think about what you wanna do today. Still about a dozen different things I still need to try up on that boardwalk. So let’s work up an appetite and gorge on funnel cakes. 

Love ya

-J 

She held the note on the hotel stationary and tried to think of where he could have gone. Breakfast waited downstairs in the B&B’s restaurant if they were hungry, and everything else they could possibly need was here in their room. Shrugging it off as Jensen just being his usual surprising self, Y/N slipped off her thin pajama top and went into the bathroom to shower.

When Jensen still hadn’t returned by the time she was finished, she figured she would put her own surprise for him in motion. Y/N scribbled a quick note of her own about where she was going and told him to meet her there.

“Jensen isn’t the only one who can pull off a grand gesture,” she mumbled with a sly smirk as she slipped on her sandals and grabbed her small, over-the-shoulder clutch, cell phone and the keys to the room. Her mind racing at light speed, she closed the door behind her and bounded down the stairs to the lobby of The Grenville. 

Within fifteen minutes of leaving the room, Y/N had rented one of the beach cruisers the B&B had available and was within a block of arriving at her destination. Locking up the bike in front of Leo’s posh hotel and office suite, The Breakers, Y/N walked inside, and smiled as the blast of air conditioning smacked her in the face. Between the bike ride and heat of early morning, she was already sweaty and in need of a cold drink. 

As she made her way through The Breakers lobby, she smiled and waved at all the familiar faces she had known for most of her life. Her spirits were high, her head clear and focused on what she needed to talk to Leo about. But when she was standing outside his office door, her hand reaching out for the knob to open the large double doors, she heard it. A voice from her past that she thought she would never, ever have to hear again. 

Her mother’s.

Y/N couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Of course the tone and words were muffled, but Sherry (Y/L/N) had the kind of voice that could cut through the thickest glass with great ease. It had its way of going right through her, and suddenly triggering an immediate surge of anger and nausea. 

Through the heavy oak doors, Y/N could hear Sherry’s laugh; but not a real laugh. The woman was incapable of having any true humor. No, this was her typical sarcastic, condescending, snarky laugh; the one that said ’I am now, have been and always will be, better than you’. And not for the first time in her life, she wondered why her father was so miserable for so long about her leaving. Losing Sherry wasn’t a real loss. In fact, it probably is why Y/N ended up being the kind of person she grew into being. 

It was hearing her own name that finally prompted Y/N to twist the handle that now slipped from the nervous sweat coating on her palms. All thoughts of why she was there in the first place flew out the window. Now she just needed to know why the Wicked Witch of the East was returning to disrupt her happy life.

The air in the room, normally cool enough to hang meat, was heavy and humid. The sound of the door opening caused both Sherry and Leo to stop their conversation mid-sentence and turn to see Y/N standing there. 

Poor Leo, she thought, gauging his expression of shock, first. Poor bastard had no idea Sherry was coming…

Sherry cleared her throat, and took a confident step towards her daughter. 

“Your hair is different,” she said, and picked up one of the loose tendrils that had fallen from Y/N’s signature messy bun. “It’s dry. You should condition it more.”

Y/N turned away from Leo and allowed her (y/c/e)s to examine the woman’s face that stood in front of her. It was Sherry alright, but time had not been kind. The lines in her face were deep and telling of how rough those years had treated her. Y/N took some solace in how worn and almost broken her mother looked and was ready to fire off a quip or dig of some kind. Instead took the unexpected path, and simply said, “Thank you for that advice Sherry. Now, what brings you back to the town you couldn’t wait to disappear from?”

“Oh, my daughter…” she narrowed her eyes and made an attempt at a pleasant grin. “It’s good to know some things never change. How have you been? I heard about your exciting new career in event planning.”

“What are you doing here, Sherry?” Y/N turned from her mother and snapped her gaze intensely on Leo. “Leo… what the hell is going on?”

“Honey, relax,” Leo tutted in his most gentle tone. “I know you and your ma here have a bad history, but she is still my sister. She’s come for--”

“I can explain it myself, Leo. You don’t have to speak for me as if I am an infant.”

“Maybe if you didn’t act like one most of your life…” Y/N mumbled, her arms crossing over her breasts so tight she nearly cut off her own circulation. “Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well,” Sherry started, then threw her own purse on one of the cream colored wingback chairs, before sitting in the one adjacent. “I was contacted by the Manger Development Group. They are interested in buying a stretch of homes on the Seaside Heights, Lavalette border. One of the homes they are interested in is the bungalow.”

Y/N felt a twist in her gut. She wanted to sit, but she wouldn’t give her mother the satisfaction to have to toss her purse from the only other free chair. “Sss-so what? What does that have to do with you? Leo owns the bungalow.”

Sherry snorted a laugh, partially covering her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry, what? Says who?”

“Leo?” Y/N asked, but when she saw his expression, she already knew that Sherry wasn’t lying. “You own the bungalow, that’s what you told me. And that one day you would be deeding it to me.”

“I know that’s what I said, honey, but... “

“But my brother made some bad investments about eight years ago, and this time I was in a position to bail him out. He sold me the bungalow for a dirt cheap price with the promise you would never know.”

“I can’t believe this,” Y/N whispered to herself, hanging her chin towards her chest, and fighting the urge to pull her bun loose and pull out her hair. 

“The reason I am here is because the Manger group wants to tear down the stretch of homes between the end of the boardwalk and 10th Street. Everything will be cleared and brand new condos will be going up.”

“You can’t just sell my home!” Y/N yelled, surprising even herself with the child-like whine in her tone. “Leo! You can’t… she can’t.. That’s… that’s MY HOME!”

“No, actually, Y/N. It’s not. It belongs to me,” Sherry said calmly while pinching the bridge of her nose. “I have allowed you to stay there, and took no credit for it because I know how you feel about me. But it’s time to sell and move on. Besides, aren’t you living in Austin… or is it Vancouver?”

Her expression went from frustrated to ice cold. The steely gray eyes peered into Y/N’s and made her feel as she did when she was a child and being reprimanded by the woman in front of her. Sherry was daring her to take the bait, keep the fight going. Knowing she would stumble over her words and just end up looking like a child throwing a tantrum--which was just what Sherry wanted--she bit her lip.

“You told her about what I’m doing now?” Y/N turned to Leo once again. “Knowing our history and all she has put our family through, you still told her about the festival, Austin… did you tell her about Jensen, too?”

“No, Y/N, I didn’t tell her a thing about your life. I wouldn’t…”

“He’s not lying, Y/N. Other than selling me the bungalow, he’s been completely loyal to you, his niece, over me, his sister. But I can let that go… Nathan actually told me about your new life, and yes, even your new boyfriend. I always did like that Nate, no idea why you two broke up.”

Y/N’s blood began to boil beneath her skin at the sound of Nathan’s name. She swallowed thickly, the air caught somewhere in her throat. She must have gone pale, because Leo came out from behind his desk and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Honey, you alright?”

But Y/N barely registered his voice or his touch and kept her gaze fixed on her mother. “You… you talked to Nathan?”

“Yes, several times over the last few months. He kept me very up to date on everything you’ve been doing. He’s so proud of you.”

Now she did feel as if she were going to faint. Racing thoughts plagued her mind and while she couldn’t make sense of them, she also didn’t want to believe the feeling that was growing in the pit of her stomach could be true. Was it her own mother behind Nathan’s violence and not Dee? Could she be THAT cruel?

“Nathan is a psychopath…” she managed to squeak out, but once those words cleared her lips, she could feel the anger begin to flow right along with the volume of her voice. “A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH, MOTHER! Do you even KNOW what he did? Do you?! NO! Of course you don’t! You’re a fucking joke, you know that?!”

She paused for a moment, and was about to lay into Sherry further, when the office doors opened for the second time. When they all turned, Jensen was standing there in the doorway, a perplexed expression, his eyes narrowing in on Sherry as he tried to read the tension in the room.

“Someone wanna tell me what the shouting is all about?” Jensen said, taking a tentative step into Leo’s office and closing the door softly behind him. No one spoke until he reached Y/N’s side. “You alright, Trix?” he asked and protectively put his arm around the small of her back. 

“No, not even a little. Jensen, this is Sherry… my mother.”

“Oh,” he said and brought his gaze back around to Sherry, who was now standing from the chair and approaching him with her hand outstretched in a greeting. 

“Nice to meet you. You must be the Jensen I’ve heard so much about.”

“Hmm… that’s me… and, uh, who was telling you all about me? Because I know Y/N and you don’t talk so...?” Jensen trailed off and looked over to Leo, who shrugged slightly and shook his head. 

“Nathan did,” Y/N spoke up, and instantly felt Jensen’s body stiffen against hers. 

Jensen’s expression went steely and cold. “Did he now?”

“Mhm… apparently he and Sherry here have been in touch more than a few times over the last year. Isn’t that right, mom?”

“Yes. And I am sorry you think he’s a psychopath, but--”

“Wait,” Jensen interrupted with a snarky laugh. “THINK he’s a psychopath? THINK? Lady… we have first hand proof of his instability and violence. Let’s start with the fact that he put your daughter in the hospital after breaking her nose and giving her a concussion. Then, let’s move on to when he just showed up at her place in Austin, harassing her. Or how he broke into that house and trashed everything in it! If that’s not enough proof for you… the last time your daughter saw him, he jumped her in a parking lot and tried to choke her!”

Leo and Sherry stood speechless, staring at Jensen as his own anger grew. Y/N stood stoically beside him, torn between feeling sick at hearing it all back again and loving Jensen even more for standing up for her. Not too many people had ever done that for her in her life. 

“Y/N, I had no idea it was that bad…” Leo rasped, emotion filling his features. 

“Doesn’t matter Leo,” she said and pushed back her shoulders. “He’s wanted for questioning in both cases. So, Sherry, if you know where he is now, and don’t tell us or the Austin Police Department, I will have them charge you as an accessory.” Finding some new found strength, she stepped away from Jensen’s side and moved closer to her mother. “For all you have put me through, for all you put my FATHER through, if you protect Nathan, if you give him one minute of asylum, I will be more than happy to do whatever I have to for them to charge you with aiding and abetting a fugitive.”

Sherry stared at her daughter, speechless. When she turned to her brother, Leo’s sour expression said all she needed to know. “Well, I will take that under advisement,” she said as she slowly reached for her purse off the chair. 

“No need to rush out, you and Leo continue your business. Jensen and I are leaving.”

Not another word was said by any of them. As Jensen and Y/N laced their fingers together, and headed out the double doors of Leo’s office, the silence was so deafening, the world’s smallest pin could be heard dropping to the plush carpeted floor.

“Where were you this morning anyway?” Y/N asked absently as she watched the familiar scenery of the shore go by slowly out of the passenger side window of the rental car. 

“Just had to run a quick errand,” he replied nonchalantly. “What made you go to Leo’s office in the first place?”

“Oh shit,” she mumbled and shook her head in frustration. “I wanted to ask him a favor. When I walked in and saw Sherry, I completely forgot about it.”

“What favor?” 

Y/N shrugged. “Was going to ask him to borrow his boat for the afternoon. Thought we could take it out on the bay.”

“We can still find a boat rental I’m sure--”

“Nah, fuck that,” Y/N said, and suddenly sat up straighter in her seat. “Make your next right and go til you can’t go anymore. We’re taking Leo’s anyway.”

Jensen took his attention from the road to stare her down, seeing if she was serious. By the devilish gleam in her eyes and hint of the sly smile on her face, he knew without a doubt, she was.

It took barely fifteen minutes for Y/N to ransack Leo’s house for the boat keys, and another five for her and Jensen to walk down to the marina where he docked it. As they approached Leo’s thirty-eight foot Rinker Yacht, Sunset Dreams, Jensen’s eyes lit up. 

“Well damn, Trix. I thought we were taking out a small boat. Maybe we should tell him. This thing is no joke.”

“Oh, I know. I’ve taken it out before. And trust me, after what Leo did to me, he owes me one.”

“What did he do? Is that what the fighting was about back at his office? Because we never really did get to that…”

Y/N paused as she opened the gate to the Dreams’ slip. Her shoulders fell as her head dipped towards her chest. He could see just from her stance that she was feeling defeated, almost like the night of the break-in. But there was more anger in her this time and he knew that whatever had happened in that office before he got there, was weighing her down like a stone.

She turned to him and he could see she wasn’t ready to answer him. “Can we talk about it later? Right now I just want to get out on the water and not think about anything.”

Jensen took her hand in his and kissed the back of it. “Of course. C’mon, let’s go steal your uncle’s yacht.”

Y/N wasted no time firing up the engine, and prepping the boat to set sail. Jensen watched her movements, impressed with her knowledge and comfort in maneuvering the large vessel. She had no fear steering it from its slip at the marina and navigating it expertly through the canals that wrapped around large homes like the waterways of Venice. Occasionally, Y/N would look over her shoulder at Jensen, who stood in the same spot, just observing her every action. 

“Wanna drive, Hollywood?” 

Jensen shook his head. “Nah, I am enjoying my view from right here just fine.”

She rolled her eyes and smirked at him just like she normally did and went back to driving the boat. Where that common gesture of hers normally amused him, this time it left him feeling… wrong. 

“Hey,” he said, stepping closer and placing his hand on her shoulder to turn her attention back to him. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, woman. I wasn’t trying to be cute.”

“Awww, you don’t have to try,” she teased and playfully patted his cheek. He knew her well enough at this point that he could tell she was covering any sort of “real” talk with her charming sarcastic wit. Any other time he would banter with her like this all day, but right then he felt the need to reiterate to her why he was so intently watching her.

“Y/N, stop. Don’t try and brush me off with a joke. You know why I stand here sometimes and just watch you?” His eyes searched hers curiously, and she tried to look away. Jensen wasn’t having it and gently directed her face back to his. “I mean it. Do you know?”

“N-No…” she said with a tired shrug. “Why?”

“Because you amaze me. And not just because I think you’re absolutely beautiful. It’s everything. Yes, I love your face, and your messy buns. Hell, I even love your old worn out band shirts. But I love everything you do. You tackle everything with a kind of energy and determination that is only rivaled by over-sugared toddlers at bedtime.”

Y/N couldn’t help but snort a laugh as she quickly covered her mouth and nose with her hand in mild embarrassment. 

“Yeah, you laugh… you didn’t know Jared’s kids at that age… my GOD... “ he paused, allowing his smile to fade and worked on bringing her back to his point. “Trix, you have no idea what you have brought into my life. Forget the fact that I am ridiculously head over heels in love with you… but just the things you do amaze me. You sing like an angel, create music, produce, organize… somehow can keep Robbie in line, carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and still manage to keep going. Hell, now I find out you can steal and drive a yacht like it's as simple as tying your shoes? You make me laugh, and make me feel passionate about life again. You make me believe and have faith in things that I didn’t put much stock in before. So, sometimes, when I am just sitting back and watching you… it's because I am amazed that someone as wonderful as you--for some reason--decided I was the schmuck you wanted to spend your free time with.”

Y/N’s (y/c/e) filled with tears, and despite her best efforts they spilled quickly down her cheeks. “I swear to God Jensen, if you get down on one knee right now I will throw your ass overboard,” she quipped and swiped at the remaining drops on her cheek. 

“Go for it, I can swim,” he shrugged, and brushed a stray hair from her face. “I want you to hear what I am saying. Really hear me, okay?”

She bit down on her lip and nodded softly. 

“Y/N, you have endless potential and I hate that those people who were supposed to be there to support you and encourage you, failed you. I hate what I walked in on in Leo’s office today and I don’t even have the details yet. I hated it because I could tell you felt attacked and alone. I never, ever want you to feel that way again. You got me, baby. I will be your family, your friend, your partner… and so will Robbie, Bri… all of us.”

“Jensen… I... “ she couldn’t find the words she needed. To give herself time, she quickly turned back to the control deck of the Sunset Dreams and gently guided the vessel into the open waters of the Barnegat Bay. Jensen waited for her to gather her thoughts, and didn’t press for a response or even acknowledgement of his declaration. Instead, knowing she would reply when she was ready, he stepped back and continued watching her work. 

A little while later, she killed the engine and just let the yacht float freely. Y/N turned back to Jensen, and instead of saying anything, she simply took his hand and led him out onto the cushioned seats that lined the stern. He followed her lead and sat down, but never let go of her hand. 

“Today I found out that Leo sold the bungalow to my mother. She holds the deed for the house and land.”

“Oh…” Jensen didn’t know if that was a question or a statement himself. “W-Why would he do that?”

“Sherry claims he made some bad investments, and she bailed him out for a change. That whole thing makes no sense, because no way my mother has that kind of money laying around.”

“Rich boyfriend?”

“I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anymore. She agreed to sell the land to a developer. This group wants to come in and demolish a bunch of houses right there on that stretch of beach… mine… the Sinatra house… gone. All to put up some crappy time share condos for idiots to come and trash our town.”

“Jesus…” Jensen groaned and sat back against the cushions, finally allowing her hand to slip from his. He leaned forward in frustration, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands over his face. “Is there any way to stop her?”

“I don’t know, Jay. But… that’s my home. That’s the one thing I have left of my father.” Her voice cracked on the last word, and Jensen didn’t hesitate to pull her into him. He turned her body so that her back rested against his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, clasping his hands above her breasts. 

Jensen rested his chin on her shoulder, his lips a breath away from her ear. “Baby, no matter what… your dad is always with you,” he said softly. 

That one sentence was what finally broke her. The tears came in heaping waves and his grip on her tightened. After months and months of stress, close calls and constant fear that Nathan had caused her, Jensen wasn’t surprised in the least that she was unloading it all. She crossed her arms over his as he sat there holding her until the tears finally stopped.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, and tried to move from his embrace. 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he replied and pulled her closer. “You’ve been holding all that in way too long.” 

“Doesn’t mean I need to snot all over you. Lemme up.” Y/N tapped his arms to let her go, and this time he complied.

Y/N disappeared down into the galley for a moment, but returned a moment later with a handful of tissues and two bottles of cold beer. She handed one to him and twisted the cap off her own before sitting back down. 

“Thank you,” she started and held her hand up to stop him when it looked like he was going to try and interrupt her. “My turn, okay?”

Jensen nodded and opened his beer.

“You’re not the only one amazed, okay? What you have done for me, what you have done for… everyone. You inspire me, Jensen. You make me want to get up and tackle things like a sugar-fueled toddler,” she snorted a delicate laugh. “You helped me come out of my shell, and do things I didn’t think I had it in me to do. You’re a great partner to work with, you’re everything a girl could ask for in a guy. So let’s just say I am as equally shocked as you are, that I am the one you want to share your time with.”

“I didn’t say all that to make you--”

“Hush. I’m talking now, Hollywood. You had your turn.”

Y/N took a sip of her beer then inched a bit closer to Jensen. She caressed the side of his cheek and leaned in to kiss his lips, longingly, but gentle. “I love you, Jensen. No matter what happens from here on out, never doubt that.”

“Even when I know deep down that it was Robert who has really captured your heart,” he replied; his ability to keep a straight face was absolutely infuriating to Y/N, who’s serious demeanor cracked instantly. 

“Yes, jerk. Even though Robert will always secretly be my number one. But never tell him, it will just go to his head.” 

She couldn’t dismiss the smile that had returned to her face, nor did she want too. Only Jensen knew just what to say, and how to say it, so she could say what she needed to, and yet moments later come back to their version of normal; smiling and joking with each other as they always did.

Jensen cleared his throat and took her hand in his again, giving it a slight squeeze. “I just want to say one more thing, and then we can drop it for now, okay?”

Y/N nodded and motioned for him to continue. 

“Let me look into the developers and see what’s going on. If I can help, I want to. But I won’t without your okay. I want to work with you, never against you.”

“Okay,” she said, and kissed him again. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

“That’s my girl.” Jensen winked at her and pulled a long drink from his bottle. “Now, whatcha say we get some music on, and now you let me drive this baby further out into the bay?”

For the next hour, Jensen navigated the boat through the bay, while Y/N pointed out all the places she had fond memories of from growing up in Seaside. He listened to each detail, soaking in as much about her past as he was of the hot September sun. They laughed a lot, and occasionally he would notice her looking off into the distance, quiet and contemplative. He didn’t intrude on those moments; he wanted her to be able to let her mind wander, but knew he had the ability to pull her back when she started drifting too far from him. 

After several hours, the heat of the day was getting intense. Being out on the water provided a cooling breeze, but the feeling of the sun on their skin was making it borderline uncomfortable. 

Y/N went down into the galley to grab them each a cold water. When she returned, she placed his on the side of the controls and asked, “Wanna go for a swim?”

“Where? Here in the bay? Is that safe with all the jet skis and other boats?”

“No, I know a safe spot we can anchor and take a quick swim.”

“I don’t have a bathing suit. Someone forgot to inform me of our plans to steal a yacht today.” Jensen frowned and shrugged playfully. 

“Oh, please. I am sure there is a suit down in the galley you can borrow. Or…” she trailed off, and leaned back to check out his ass. “I have no problem watching you go skinny dipping.”

“We’ve talked about this, Trix. You need to love me for more than just my body.”

“I do, I promise. I love your front as much as your back.”

“Alright, perv… where’s this ‘safe spot’ you wanna get me naked at?”

Y/N wiggled her brows and flashed him that same grin she had when she suggested stealing Leo’s yacht. Jensen didn’t think he could be anymore in love with her than he was at that moment. She was fun, and easy to be with. Even in the moments where things looked bleak, or they struggled with outside influences like Dee and Nathan, Y/N was still the only woman he could ever imagine loving for the rest of his life. 

Twenty minutes later, she was instructing Jensen on how to drop the anchor and shut down the engines. Once the boat was secured, she retrieved a pair of swim trunks for him to change into. Y/N didn’t wait for him to return, she peeled off her tank top and shorts, revealing the simple dark blue bikini beneath it and dove head first into the cool bay water. When she surfaced, she saw Jensen standing at the stern, his hands on his hips and a contented soft smile on his lips. 

“Couldn’t wait for me, huh?”

“Nope. Too damn hot to wait for you. Come on in, the water feels amazing!”

Y/N dipped beneath the water again, submerging her head completely then propelling herself back up when she felt Jensen splash into the water beside her. They were the only two in sight; no other boats around, no people watching from the shoreline. They were alone in their own little world and neither of them could have been happier. 

Splashing at each other, swimming and even a little bet on who could make it back to the boat the fastest kept them busy until each of their stomachs started rumbling at nearly the same exact moment. 

“Guess maybe we should eat something,” she suggested as she swam by him towards the boat’s ladder. 

“Not so fast, Trix,” he said, grabbing her by the waist and yanking her against him. 

He loved how she felt when she was close and could never seem to get enough of her. Since she agreed to stay with him in Vancouver, they had been together countless times. Never once did he tire of her touch, or her kiss. The more days that passed by, the more he craved her. Just the thought of it caused him to grow hard, and his mouth went to her neck, biting and kissing from her shoulder up to her ear. 

Y/N was just as infatuated with his touch as he was with hers, and didn’t hesitate to stretch out her neck to let him kiss her. She wanted him to keep going, to take her right there in the water. If not for another loud rumble from her stomach, she would have encouraged him to do so. 

“Jay…” she moaned just loud enough for him to hear her over the small waves lapping against the boat. “Wait…”

“Hmmm?” he replied without removing his lips from her neck. 

She laughed and struggled out of his embrace. When she finally broke free, she swam back towards the boat. 

“Come on, Trix!”

“Dude, I need to eat. So do you. There’s a restaurant less than a mile from here that has a parking lot for boats. We can go eat, then come back and pick this up.”

“Seriously? A parking lot for boats… you mean… a marina?”

“I seriously hate you right now. Come on, let’s get dry and dressed, go eat and then maybe, if you aren’t being a pain in the ass, I’ll let you get to second base.”

Jensen couldn’t help but laugh as she flashed him a challenging expression just before she reboarded the boat. Lifting one of the cushioned seats, she pulled out two towels and wrapped one around her shoulders. When he realized she wasn’t getting back in the water, he sighed and resigned himself to just having to wait to have her until later. 

Within an hour Jensen was directing the Sunset Dreams into a slip at the Water Street Restaurant and Marina. He got a little to close on the starboard side and nearly hit another boat.

“One too many beers there, Captain?” She teased, “Maybe next time I should be the one to park.”

Deciding to ignore her jab, he offered his elbow and escorted her to dinner at Water Street. As they approached the patio entrance, they both realized just how crowded the place was. Forgetting it was Labor Day weekend at the shore, Y/N turned to him and shrugged. 

“Sorry… maybe this place isn’t a good idea. I can tell you right now, you will get recognized and bombarded by people if we walk in there. Don’t know where my head is at today… Tomorrow is Labor Day, every restaurant in this town is going to be insanely busy.”

“They do take out? Let’s grab a bunch of apps and just go back to the boat. Besides, I really wanna get back to what we were doing before. That is much more appetizing to me right now than a plate of mozzarella sticks.”

As if on cue, a waitress walked through the patio carrying a large tray of food. The smell of which smacked Jensen right in the face and immediately caused his stomach to grumble in protest loud enough for Y/N to hear it clearly.

“Yeah,” she laughed. “Take out is a great idea. Head back to the boat, I’ll order up some stuff and meet you back there.”

“You sure?” he asked and when she nodded, he leaned in and kissed her lips. “Alright… get some wings… maybe some onion rings.” She nodded again and went to head inside. “Wait, Trix! If they got nachos---”

“On it,” she laughed and left him with a wink and that smile that could bring him to his damn knees.

For as busy as the place was, it didn’t take Y/N too long to return with their take-out order. She chose four different appetizers for them to share, plus a six-pack of a local brew she liked. He was impressed with the craft beer, and as he suggested getting some for the festival she shook her head. 

“Already done. They came on board two months ago and will have a booth right next to Javier and Midway.”

“Told you that you were amazing,” Jensen mused and took another swig from the bottle before shoving a handful of nachos into his mouth. “Alright, enough work talk. Let’s get this bad boy back out to the bay so I can have my way with you.”

“Good lord man, can’t you let your food settle? You’re liable to get a cramp.”

“Oh, I’m gonna stiffen up alright…” Jensen took the onion ring from her hand and tossed it back in the container, before he lowered himself down towards her. He was being playful and flirty, no real intentions of taking her right there on the stern of the boat in front of a patio full of diners. But hearing her laugh as she smacked his shoulder, trying to thwart his advances, made his heart flutter and his knees go weak. 

“You’re insufferable,” Y/N laughed and got up from her seat. “Why don’t you clean up, and I’ll get the boat going to head back towards Leo’s. I am sure we could find a quiet place to anchor for an hour or so; make good use of that stateroom.”

She kissed him sweetly and when he was wrapped up in returning it, she slipped out from under him. 

“That’s the second time today you’ve denied me, Trix. Careful or I’m going to develop a complex.”

“Ha! Okay… whatever you say, Hollywood,” she said as she blew him a kiss and headed up to the Captain’s Chair to get the Sunset Dreams in motion.

Once the engines were roaring, she carefully maneuvered the vessel out of its slip and back into the channel that led to the open bay waters. It was a tight squeeze through Water Street’s marina, but she took her time and eventually got the boat clear and headed towards open waters. She could hear Jensen below deck, humming to himself as he went about cleaning up. A minute or two later, music began playing from the galley and she correctly assumed he found Leo’s hidden stereo system that was wired to play through the entire vessel. While he scanned the radio stations, she kept her vision straight ahead but her thoughts reflected on the day.

Their earlier conversation was fresh in her mind, though she tried her best not to show him how much it had affected her. She knew that he loved her, and that she could trust him. But the way he handled her mother, the way he held her and just let her cry… the overwhelming surge of love she felt for him was unexpected and threw her for a loop. She was scared, but invigorated by the excitement he made her feel. She could be her authentic self around him with no worry of judgement or repercussions. Other than her father, she never felt like that around anyone else in her life.

From below, she could hear him scanning the stations and when he finally found something he liked, she heard the volume turn all the way up. He was singing along at the top of his lungs as he moved around down there. Y/N had to resist the urge to go wrap her arms around him, then let him take her to bed. She gave one last look at the gauges and noticed gas was low. Knowing there was enough to hit the cove, then get back to Leo’s marina, she set the course to head back to the secluded spot for a bit before returning her uncle’s prized vessel.

Jensen had finished cleaning up and fiddled with the radio for a bit trying to find a good XM Station. He caught a classic rock one that played one great song after the next, and when Bryan Adam’s Summer of 69 started up three songs later, he celebrated with a quiet fist pump and began to sing along again. He was so wrapped up in the song and tidying up around the galley, he never felt the Sunset Dreams come to a stop, nor did he hear Y/N come down the small flight of stairs. 

By the second chorus, he turned and saw her there. A grin on her face stretched ear to ear, casually leaning against the frame of the doorway that led down into the small kitchen area. Jensen didn’t care for a second that he got busted, nor did he miss a beat. He went to her, grabbed her hand and pulled her down the steps and into the kitchenette. Jensen moved her in animated fashion, twirling her around the galley, then gripping her waist tight, and dipping her back as he sang at the top of his lungs…

“Oh when you held my hand, 

I knew that it was now or never.

Those were the best days of my life.

OH YEAH!”

His whole demeanor caused her to erupt with laughter. The more he danced and sang with her, the harder she laughed. When the song finally ended, they were both trying to catch their breath. The first few notes of Bad Company’s Feel Like Makin’ Love began to play through the speakers, and any thoughts either of them had to take a breather, was gone. 

Jensen’s hands were on her waist again, pulling her closer against him. Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. Clothes flew off in all directions as he walked her back a few steps towards the small bedroom. Y/N fell back onto the bed and giggled as Jensen struggled to get his last bit of clothing off before he pulled down her bikini bottoms. He stood back for a moment and just allowed his eyes to drink her in and appreciate just how magical she really was. Every inch of her body, flawed or not, was beautiful to him. From a single strand of hair, down to the tips of her toes, there wasn’t an inch of her he wasn’t fascinated by. 

Y/N propped herself up on her elbows and flashed him a wanting look. “Jay… you’re doing that staring thing again.”

“How could I not... “ he slowly climbed on the bed, gently pushed her to lay down and hovered his body over hers. “...when I have the most amazing woman in the world, naked, laying here in front of me.”

“You’re gonna get laid, you don’t have to lay it on so thick,” she teased. 

His eyes grabbed hers and refused to let go. When he spoke again, his voice was raspy and low. “I know there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere, but right now all I want to do is show you how much I love you.”

Jensen kissed her sweetly, but the sweetness faded to passion almost immediately. They didn’t need foreplay; the whole day had been leading up to this moment. She was ready for him, and relished in the way he took her; slowly letting himself slide into the part of her that ached most for him, and letting his lips linger on hers as he did. Y/N softly moaned his name as her head dipped back, and his mouth trailed lingering kisses down her chin to her neck. 

There was no hurry, no animalistic urge taking over this time. Each time their bodies came together, the rush of love and intimacy was what made it feel euphoric. Sex was a common occurrence for them and never once had it been mediocre or vanilla. They made love until their bodies couldn’t hold out any longer, and when Y/N’s orgasm hit her, she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, pulling his mouth to hers as she whispered “I love you” into his lips. Her words alone made Jensen’s climax follow, and he gripped her just as tight. 

When his body stopped shaking, he rolled off her and laid on the bed beside her. He immediately drew her against him, and she rested her head on his chest while his fingers lightly glided along her arm. 

“I love you, Trix,” he said softly, followed by a loving kiss against her forehead. “More than I could ever really explain.”

Y/N snuggled closer into him and closed her eyes. She felt her body relax against his, and as his breathing slowed and leveled out, Y/N could feel herself fall further into a state of relaxation that she hadn’t felt in a long time. The sun, water, food and sex had done them in and Y/N and Jensen were lulled to sleep by the gentle waves rocking the Sunset Dreams.

By the time Y/N opened her eyes again, the light in the stateroom was much dimmer than it had been when they stumbled in earlier. She sat straight up and immediately felt how cold the room had become. 

“What the fuck,” she mumbled, then looked over at Jensen, who was still snoring softly beside her. “Jensen… Jay… wake up.” She gave his arm a tap, waited a moment, then gave him a harder tap. 

He woke up with a snort, and wiped at some drool that had escaped the corner of his mouth.  “What time… where…” the roar of a jet ski engine whizzed past the port window, “right… Boat.”

“We passed out,” she said as she got up off the bed, taking the blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. “Why is it so cold in here? Did we sleep until winter?”

“Oh shit, no. I forgot, when I came down here earlier to clean up, I found the air conditioning controls. Thought I would cool it off down here since it was so hot out on deck before.”

Y/N heard his words, but couldn’t react. After he said the words air conditioner, her mind was reeling. 

“No… no no no,” she mumbled and started to scan the floor for her clothes. 

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, not at all. I just--just wait. Let me…” she got distracted looking for her clothes, then remembered the rest were in the kitchen. Jensen, half amused, watched her with fascination as she procured her top and shorts and tried to put them on as she stumbled through the galley towards the stairs to the deck. “Be right back!”

Y/N got to the Captain’s chair and checked the gauges. She saw the gas had run down lower, but it still registered there was enough fuel to get them back. She fell back into the seat with a relieved sigh and laughed to herself. Jensen appeared a moment later, back to fully clothed and peering over her shoulder with concern. 

“We okay? Something wrong?”

“Low on fuel. Thought the AC would have drained it but I guess we’re good,” she shrugged, and went to turn the engines back on. 

When they first failed to turn over, she brushed it off, waited a moment and tried again. Nothing. Looking back over her shoulder, Jensen replied with a silent shrug. Y/N tried again, and this time, the gas gauge fell straight to E. 

“What the fuck,” she mumbled and flicked it with her fingers. When she did, it sprang back up to full, then fell to half, then fell back to empty. She felt her stomach drop, then couldn’t help the fit of laughter that followed. 

Jensen watched her in amusement. “What?” 

“Gauge is broken,” she laughed, “we’re out of gas.”

“Are you messing with me?” he asked, half joking, half serious. “Tell me you’re joking, Trix.”

Y/N shook her head. “Wish I could, but… nooope. We are stuck.”

“You’re way too cool about this.”

“It’s not a big deal, but--” Y/N’s cell phone started to ring from the depths of her clutch down in the galley, cutting off her words. “How much you wanna bet that’s Leo.”

Y/N jumped up and ran down into the galley, grabbing it on the last ring before voicemail. 

“Hello?” she answered half breathless.

“You took it again, didn’t you?” Leo asked, his tone already resigned with knowing.

“Ummm… yeah.”

“Wish you woulda asked. Gas gauge is broken.”

“Sorta just figured that out. That’s actually why I came to the office this morning. Was going to ask you to borrow the boat today.”

“Honey, about that--”

“Leo, I appreciate you wanting to talk, but right now, I just wanna get this thing moving and come back; enjoy the rest of my vacation. I promise you, we will talk though.”

“Alright. If that’s what you want to do. I’ll give Gus a call and have him meet you out that way. Where are ya?”

“We are anchored out by the cove, across from Water Street.”

“Hang tight. Have someone out soon.”

They said their goodbyes, and Y/N returned her phone to the counter with a relieved sigh. She knew her uncle wouldn’t care about the boat. A service call for a fill up is a drop in the bucket for him. The relief was more because he didn’t press the issue. Leo liked to talk things out to death sometimes, and that weekend was for her and Jensen. Sherry’s unexpected return already threw a wrench in things, but she didn’t want to go back to that dumpster fire of a situation.

Y/N turned to head back up, and Jensen was already coming down the stairs. “What’d he say?”

“He’s sending out his friend Gus with fuel. Gus doesn’t live too far from here, and it’s not the first time this has happened so…” she trailed off with a shrug, but a bit of melancholy threatened beneath it. “It will take him an hour at least. You already cleaned up in here, I’ll go take care of the stateroom.”

She turned to leave and Jensen gently grabbed her arm. “Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, Trix. What’s up? Don’t act all cool for my benefit. What else did Leo say?”

“Just wanted to talk about what happened today. Told him we could, just not now. I just want to enjoy our time together. Not think about anymore bullshit.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Jensen smiled at her softly, the crinkles around his eyes slightly more defined. As he cupped the side of her face with his palm, she leaned into him and closed her eyes. She leaned forward and rested her head against his chest as he moved his arms to wrap around her snuggly. “The rest of today and tomorrow. It’s all for us. Then Tuesday we get back to real life. Until then, I say we have the best damn time we can have. Eat and drink ourselves into a comatose state and then wake up and go nuts on each other.”

Y/N snorted a laugh into his chest and when she looked up at him, he was flashing her a cheesy smile and wiggling his brows. 

“You read my mind,” she replied and hugged him back while she rested her head back on his chest.

“Good. So, what’s on tonight’s agenda?”

“Let’s go find a bar with some live music, have a few shots, few drinks… go make out on the beach again.”

“See, this is why we get along so well,” Jensen teased. “Now go clean up in there, woman, I’ll get our stuff together.”

A couple hours later, Leo’s boat had been returned, and Jensen and Y/N finally made their way to their room at the Grenville. Each enjoyed a refreshingly cool shower and changed, ready for a night out on the boardwalk. After some quick Google searching and little consideration, Y/N told him where to go so they could go check out EJ’s Tap House. She had been there many times before and knew the venue well. It was a corner bar up on the boardwalk, right at the end of the pier with the rides. They always had great live bands, and the beer on tap was cold ‘n cheap. It was easily her favorite place to hang out in. 

Jensen parked the rental car, and was once again hit in the face with the overwhelming aroma of boardwalk food. 

“I know we ate but damn, we are going to have to get something up here later.”

“It’s Labor Day weekend, everything will be open, I promise,” she laughed and caught up to him in front of the car. Jensen grabbed her hand and led the way up the ramp to the main boardwalk.

The band playing that night at EJ’s was one Y/N had seen a few times in a variety of places up and down the shore. 7Minds was a popular local band, but had turned her down when she approached them about the festival. When she saw they were playing at her favorite bar, she knew that’s where they needed to go.

As they walked through the room, they found a quiet table off to the side of the stage. Once the seats were claimed, Jensen went to the bar to get their drinks, and Y/N sat watching the band set up the stage with their mics, speakers and instruments. As a musician herself, she was always fascinated with other musicians’ and their process of setting their stage. She had never played anything much bigger than a burlesque show at the Bamboo; but with that she had the rest of the cast, props… costumes. She could become Trixie Luna and transform herself into someone with the real confidence it takes to fill a stage. As she sat and watched, she couldn’t help but question if she could do that as herself, and more importantly, BY herself. Robbie was so adamant about her playing a set. But even with the promise of Louden Swain behind her, she didn’t know if her presence would be enough to conquer the stage successfully.

By the time Jensen returned with their drinks, the band had finished their setup, then vacated the stage. Due to start in a few minutes, Jensen moved his chair to sit beside her and get a better view.

“Is this one of the festival bands?” he asked after sipping at his bottle of beer.

“Nope, they turned me down.”

“Seriously? Why? H-How do you turn down an opportunity like that?”

Y/N shrugged. “Never really got a firm reason. They just declined every time I called. Wouldn’t even really hear me out.”

“Then why did you wanna come hear them play? Screw them.”

“They’re a good band, Jay. They got a big following. Thought if I could catch them in person... “ she gave an innocent shrug and took a swig from her own bottle.

“Ah, I gotcha. Gonna corner them and turn on the charm… good plan.”

“No, I’ll corner them, YOU charm them. I need you to put your famous face to work, baby,” she winked animatedly and shot him a finger gun.

He feigned disgust with her and leaned back in his chair. “How dare you, madam. I am not your whore. Just a pretty face to peddle out when you need something.”

She playfully blew him off. “Mmmhmm, whatever you say.”

“Seriously though, I thought you wanted to just enjoy the weekend. No family drama, no work…”

“Have you seen me pick up my cell phone once?”

“Leo did call earlier.”

She rolled her eyes. “Have you seen me pick up my phone for WORK, once?”

“No, I have not.”

“See, I’m being good. But, I want to give it one more try with them. If they aren’t even slightly receptive, I won’t push it.”

“Promise? Cause I’ve seen you work. I know how persistent you can be.”

“That’s when I was trying to impress you. You’re mine now. I can stop trying,” Y/N shrugged and casually looked away.

Before Jensen could throw out yet another sarcastic remark, the band interrupted his thought as they took the stage. All seven members got ready and within a minute, their instruments were in hand and they began to jam. 

Right off the bat, Jensen could see why she was still in pursuit of them for the festival. Their sound was a very unique blend of Jazz, Rap and Ska, and their energy was off the charts.  The set list varied in covers and originals, one of which made the crowd scream with excitement as the opening notes of the local’s favorite Seaside Tony began to play. Jensen found himself laughing at the lyrics and tapping his feet to the music.

The crowd was singing along, and the vibe of the bar was infectious. Jensen kept stealing glances over at Y/N, and found he enjoyed watching her even more than the band and the crowd. Her eyes were as wide as her smile as she moved to the music in her chair. 

Eventually she felt him watching her, and instead of calling him out on it, she leaned in closer to him. “They’re awesome, aren’t they? I love how they just command the entire place’s attention.”

“They are friggin’ fantastic! Kinda hard not to command a room with seven guys on the stage and making that level of noise.”

“I’ve seen them do it with some slower covers too. They’re just infections.”

“So are you, you know,” he said and gave her a look that said, you better know it.

“I’m serious, Jay-”

“So am I, Y/N. You could get up there right now, with nothing but a guitar and get just as much attention as these guys do. In fact, I bet you anything you could do it.”

“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll see. I’m supposed to play a set with Robbie and the guys at the festival…”

“Don’t tell me you're nervous?”

“Of course I am,” she laughed and turned her body away from the stage to face him. “I’m terrified, Jensen. Look at those guys, this is like second nature to them.”

“I’ve seen you on a stage, it's in your nature, too.”

“No, not like that. Not--” Y/N stopped herself and looked back at the stage. She didn’t know how to describe her fear so that he could understand. “It’s not that… I know I am meant to write, play and create music; to work with other musicians. I guess I’m just not yet convinced I am meant to be in the spotlight. I play smaller bars than this. To play EJ’s would have been a dream come true.”

“Yeah, so… do it. You could get up there and take this whole place over. You’ll do it at the festival, too. I know you will.”

The love and encouragement he flooded her with in his gaze was physically overwhelming. She could feel her nerves begin to fade, not completely, but enough to waylay them for the moment. 

“What the hell did I do in this world to have met somebody like you? You’re not real… you can’t be.”

“Why? Because I have faith in you? Because the way you interpret music and the sound of your voice fascinates me? Baby, that’s all you. I’m just along for the ride and holding on for dear life. Because I never, ever want to be without you or the feeling you give me.”

Y/N leaned in and kissed him, letting her lips linger for a moment before pulling away. She wanted to say I love you, but the words got stuck somewhere in her throat. She’d said them to him a dozen times or more, but right then and there, all she could do was smile.

The band interrupted their moment when they announced they were taking a short break. Jensen gave Y/N a wink, and without saying anything, got up from the table. Y/N assumed he was going for another round, or maybe a chance at the bathroom before the line grew again. Y/N was lost in her own thoughts about Jensen and the festival, when she felt the presence of someone approaching. Looking up with a wide grin, thinking it was Jensen, it quickly faded into a surprise when she saw one of the guys from the band standing in front of her.

“Hey, this is probably weird but, are you (Y/N L/N)? I’m Casey… I play the trumpet in the band.” His hand reached out to hers, and as she shook it, she remembered him more clearly. 

“Yes, I am, and I remember you, Casey. We spoke on the phone, twice.”

“We did?” he said, his face scrunched curiously trying to remember as he ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. 

“About the festival, in Austin later this month….”

“Hmmm…. No, I know you from the Bamboo. You sing with The Corsettes, right?”

“Yeah, I do. But you don’t remember talking to me… turning me down for the music festival in Austin?”

Casey pulled out Jensen’s seat and sat it in. “Naw dude, I have no idea. I mean, I vaguely remember one of the guys mentioning it, but he said it was all bogus.”

Y/N let out a surprised laugh. “Bogus? Naw dude,” she replied, mocking his response. “It’s very real. I’ve spent the last almost year of my life helping to plan it.”

She gave Casey the short version of the details about the festival, and could tell it was the first he was hearing it all. When she finished, he leaned back in his seat, and again ran his hand through his hair. 

“Man, I’m gonna kill these guys. That sounds fucking amazing. We would have jumped at the chance to play something like that!”

“It’s not too late, I am sure we could find a place for you if you wanna talk to them about it.”

“Most definitely--”

Jensen cleared his throat, stopped Casey in mid thought. “Sorry pal, the girl and the seat are both taken.” He carefully placed the two drinks on the table and straightened his shoulders, keeping his eyes glued to the strange guy in his seat. 

“Oh, my bad man! I just recognized Y/N and wanted to come say hi. Then she told me about the festival, and--” this time, Casey interrupted himself and starred at Jensen in disbelief. “Holy shit! Dude! I know you too! You’re on TV! My sister watches your show constantly!” 

Casey jumped up from the seat and stretched out his hand to Jensen. Jensen’s steely expression fell and was quickly replaced by a smile. “Oh wow, that’s awesome,” he said, shaking Casey’s hand. “Tell your sister I said thank you for watching.”

“This night is crazy,” Casey laughed and shook his head as he pulled out his cell phone. “Can I get a picture with you guys?!”

“Sure man,” Jensen agreed and went to stand closer to Casey. 

“You guys go for it, I’ll take the pic,” Y/N suggested, but Casey shook his head.

“Hell no, you’re in this too!” Casey waved her over, insisting, so she went. 

They snapped a few pictures and Casey tucked away his phone. “I gotta get back but hang out till after our set if you can and let me have more info on that festival. If it's not too late, we are definitely in!”

Y/N agreed and as Casey started to walk away, Jensen grabbed his shoulder and said something quietly. Between the noise of the bar, and the band starting to re-enter the stage, Y/N couldn’t hear what Jensen had said. Brushing it off, Y/N picked up her fresh bottle of beer Jensen brought over and waited for the band to start up again.

They played another hour long set, and the crowd’s energy didn’t dissipate once. Playing all the fan favorites, they slipped in a few covers before the set wound down. After their original Smuggling Snails, Casey approached the main microphone on the stage, as the other front men of 7Minds took a few steps back out of the spotlight.

“Thank you guys so much for always coming out to jam with us, sing along and get sloppy ass drunk while doing it! Before we close tonight though, I want to invite a local fan favorite to join us up here. Most of you guys have probably seen her at the Bamboo, leading those sexy ass Corsettes around, or strumming her guitar down at the Beachcomber on Sunday nights. Either way, tonight, she belongs to us and EJ’s Tap House! Y/N L/N, get your man and get your ass up here!”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and when she looked over at Jensen, he was grinning ear to ear. 

“Did you do this?” she asked, her face wrought with shock. “When you talked to him before he left, did you tell him to do this?”

“No ma’am,” he said, shaking his head, then holding up his infamous Boy Scout salute. “Scout’s Honor.”

From the stage, Casey’s voice filled the sound system thru the bar, “Come on, Y/N! Show these people what they’re hometown girl can do!”

Y/N smiled at him nervously, and slowly began to stand up. “You’re coming with me,” she muttered as she reluctantly moved closer to the stage. The crowd was starting to send her cheers of encouragement, which helped move her feet along. 

Jensen was right at her side. When they got on the stage, all but one member of the band stepped out of sight, leaving only the acoustic guitar player ready to accompany them. As Y/N and Jensen climbed the short staircase to the stage, the guitar player whispered, “What do you guys wanna do?”

Y/N went blank, all the songs, duets in particular, she and Jensen had discussed singing were completely vacated from her head. But Jensen didn’t hesitate, he leaned in and whispered to the man, Shallow. Yes, they had discussed it, but they hadn’t practiced that one together yet. Knowing exactly where her thoughts were headed, Jensen gave her hand a quick squeeze as he walked behind her to approach the second mic. 

The guitar player began to strum the first few notes of the song, and the crowd picked up on the song immediately. Most of the women in the place responded with excited hoots and hollers. Y/N gave Jensen a nervous glance, and as the music rounded to his beginning lyrics, he gave her a little wink and began to sing. 

“Tell me somethin', girl

Are you happy in this modern world?

Or do you need more?

Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?

I'm falling

In all the good times I find myself

Longin' for change

And in the bad times I fear myself...”

Y/N loved the sound of his voice, and any time she heard it, she found herself getting lost in his full, rich tone with the gritty edges. She was so mesmerized by him singing those few lines, the nerves the crowd gave her dissipated almost immediately. Being on stage, singing next to him, gave her an immediate bout of confidence she didn’t know was possible.

The acoustic guitar came around to her first lines, and when she began to sing, she closed her eyes and just let Jensen’s presence guide her. 

“Tell me something, boy

Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?

Or do you need more?

Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?

I'm falling

In all the good times I find myself

Longing for a change

And in the bad times I fear myself”

As she sang the words, it was as if she was hearing them for the first time. The words, so perfectly suited for her and her life… always fearful, afraid of change, yet longing for adventure. The way her life was, to the way her life is… she felt her stomach surge with passion, and the heat from the lights fell warm on her skin. The melody of the guitar began to swell, and so did her voice.

“I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in

I'll never meet the ground

Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us

We're far from the shallow now”

When Jensen’s voice reconnected with hers for the chorus, they blended together flawlessly. The harmony was so perfect, she couldn’t help but smile and look over at him. Their eyes locked as they sang...

“In the shallow, shallow

In the shallow, shallow

In the shallow, shallow

We’re far from the shallow now...”

He backed off from the microphone again, letting her carry the song to the bridge. Her voice carrying over the crowd and completely captivating them into near silence. Until the very end, Y/N let herself go and felt the words and the music surging through her.

“Oh. oohhhh, oh, ohhhh, ohhhhhhhhh….

Ohhh Oh, oohh oohhhhhhhhhhhh….

I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in

I'll never meet the ground

Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us

We're far from the shallow now”

One more time, Jensen joined her to carry the song to the end. When they finished, they were again looking at each other. The roar of the bar crowd was deafening and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from throwing her arms around Jensen’s neck and hugging him with every ounce of adrenaline that was coursing through her veins. 

As he held her close, his lips were gentle against her ears. “They love you Trix, and so do I.”

Tag List: 

Everything:  @coffeebooksandfandom / @sorenmarie87 / @yallgotkik / @thefaithfulwriter / @sister-winchesters99 / @thymeheals / @keymology / @divadinag

SPN RPF (Jensen): @screechingartisancashbailiff / @winchesterxfamilybusiness / @sandlee44 / @wings-of-a-raven / @negans-wife / @kazosa / @deans-baby-momma / @teaspoin / @whiskeyandapplepie / @hobby27 / @breereadsthings / @maddiepants / @adoptdontshoppets / @squirrelnotsam / @faughnphotography / @katehuntington / @his-paradox / @deansenwackles / @destielhoneybee

When You Least Expect It:  @mrsjenniferwinchester / @vickyfarley / @winchest09 / @jerkbitchidjitassbutt / @aomi-nabi / @luciathewinchestergirl / @alexiswinchester / @seppys-return-to-madness / @donnaintx / @deans-baby-momma / @the-is13 / @stoneyggirl / @captaindorit0 / @fanfictionjunkie1112 / @focusonspn / @deanwanddamons / @theebeee / @ultimatecin73​ / @deanwinchesterswitch​

Wanna get in on one of my tag lists? View the different Tag Lists, and send me an ask with which one you’d like to be on! Series Tags are on one sheet, Character tags on a second sheet.

[5ivebyfive]

pride month challenge - day three - mistake trimberly - something’s kinda fishy

“I made a mistake. When are you going to forgive me?”

“A mistake?!” Trini dropped the breakfast dishes into the sink with a clatter before turning to face her girlfriend with her hands on her hips. “I was gone for four days! I trusted you!”

“And I told you I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Trin.” Kim kept her distance, knowing better than to crowd Trini at the moment. “I’m going to fix it.”

“I don’t know if you can,” Trini said quietly. “It’s bad enough it happened, but then you tried to trick me that it didn’t.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s too late for that,” Trini snapped.

“If you’ll just let me explain-”

“Explain what?! That I can’t trust you? That you can’t just be honest with me when you fuck up?”

“For god’s sake!” Kim threw her hands up in the air. “They were just fish!”

Trini slammed her hands down on the kitchen island between them. “They were my fish! I’ve had them since the day we moved out on our own!”

“They aren’t supposed to live long anyway, right?”

“Certainly not around you!”

“I tried, okay! I’m sorry!”

“I still don’t understand how you overfeed fish!! I told you exactly how much to feed them!”

“I didn’t want to starve them to death,” Kim defended. “I didn’t know they’d die from eating too much.”

“It’s not even the fact that you didn’t follow my instructions and killed them,” Trini said. “But you replaced them and pretended like nothing happened?”

“I didn’t think you’d notice. They’re just fish.”

“And the first things I’m responsible for on my own,” Trini added. “They don’t even look the same!”

“They don’t?” Kim blinked.

“No. Trent Reznor was a darker blue and James Hetfield was more yellow than orange.”

“Oh,” Kim said. She took a few steps closer to Trini but still left space between them. “I’m really sorry. In my defense, you know I killed two hamsters when I was a kid before my parents outlawed pets.”

“You’re right. It was my mistake not asking one of the guys to come over and check on the fish.”

“I understand you’re upset and disappointed in me, but I don’t get why you’re this mad,” Kim said. “It’s not like it was two dogs.”

“Would you have killed them, too? Or a baby?”

“A baby?” Kim shook her head. “Where did that come from?”

“I know we’re still young and haven’t talked about it, but I wanna be a mom one day. In five years...or in ten...and I’ve been thinkin’ about how I wanna do it with you. But how can I when you can’t even take care of pets?”

Kim moved to Trini’s side and placed a hand over one of hers on the countertop. “There’s a huge difference between a fish and a real, live human child,” she said. “Would I be the perfect mom? No. Far from it. But I think it’s something we’d learn together. I never even thought it was something I wanted, but with you I do. This mistake doesn’t mean that you can’t keep dreaming about having a baby with me, Trin. I don’t want you to.”

Trini sighed and stood up, turning her hand to hold Kim’s. “I...shouldn’t have implied you’d be a bad mom. I know you’d be a great one. I just...I don’t want us being the couple that lies and tricks each other. And, yeah, the disappointment that you couldn’t do that one thing for me hurts, but...maybe I got more mad than I shoulda.”

“No. You had a right to be mad. I shouldn’t have lied and tried to trick you with new fish. I just didn’t want to let you down. I love you. When we moved in here out of the dorms we promised each other we were in this for good until we have rings to prove it, and I still am. Even on days you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Princess,” Trini said softly. She moved her arms around Kim’s neck. “Not for a second.”

“And you know, I think my problem is I’ve only been around pets that aren’t...interactive. What if we...picked out a kitten? I can start my mom practice early.”

“A kitten that I’d be taking care of?”

“No. We both would. Maybe if I had a connection with a pet it’d be easier to take care of it’s needs.”

“That kinda makes sense…”

“It’s Saturday, I’m sure we could find an adoption drive somewhere. To look, at least.”

“You really wanna get a cat with me?” Trini asked, staring up into Kim’s eyes.

“Yeah, I do,” Kim nodded. 

“I think we could go look.”

“I do have one condition,” Kim said.

“What’s that?”

“We’re not naming him or her after some musician.”

“And what were your hamsters names?”

“Hammy One and Hammy Two.”

“How original,” Trini drawled.

“Do you forgive me?”

Trini cupped Kim’s cheek and pulled her down close to her lips. “I forgive you, Princess, but that doesn’t mean I won’t remind you from time to time over the years.” And she kissed her.

[dokidokey]

KAMI: 21 questions

summary: kaminari denki does not understand the significance of explaining the song he wrote about his ex-girlfriend, but little did he know, a certain fan needed just his words to lift herself up from her one-week misery.

pairings: kaminari denki x reader

bingo slot: musician x fan au

genre: fluff, slight angst if you squint real hard

warning/s: swearing, mentions of todomomo, mentions of cheating, a very adorable denki (!!!)

word count: 3,042

notes: I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS I AM LITERALLY BURSTING DON’T MIND ME IGNORING MY 289384 WIPS BUT I GOTTA DO THIS ONE. anyways, 4th bingo piece for @bnhabookclub’s hero camp bingo! my series masterlist, along with my event masterlist, can be found HERE. what series? this is discontinued (even though it didn’t start in the first place.)

Kaminari is one to always decline media companies’ interviews, most especially, Verified. Verified is a media company that asks artists in to shred their songs lyric by lyric and give its meaning. Kaminari never understood the concept of that. Like, what is the point? Aren’t things more interesting if you leave it be and leave your fans to decipher it how they want?

But here he is, with a yellow backdrop that matches his hair and his manager, who dropped this bomb on him yesterday, on the other end of the room. He never agreed to this. What is the point of prying his song line by line? Wasn’t it obvious enough that it is about his ex-girlfriend who cheated on him?

“But it’s good for you! Plus, the exposure!” Mina, his manager, reasoned out yesterday, the paper in her hands dancing in the air. “Your song is gaining views, Denki. It’s good to take the spotlight while it’s there.”

Denki groaned, throwing his head back. “I know. But explaining the lyrics? Really? Is there any other way?”

Mina rested her hands on her hips, a stern look on her face. “No. Besides, Verified is a big and popular company. You better not be sulking tomorrow.”

He just grumbled as she left his studio. It’s not like she left him a choice.

“You ready?” The man behind the camera asks him, angling to the lens to get a better view of him.

Denki smiles, nodding. Here he is anyway, might as well get it done as soon as possible. When the man in front of him nods, Denki raises his hands in a wave.

“Hi there! It’s KAMI, and here is the official lyrics and meaning of 21 Questions,” he grins and pauses, waiting for the question the Verified employee will ask which will be cut off during editing.

“What is the song about?” The brunette beside the camera man asks.

Denki clasps his hands together. “You know, that feeling in a. . . relationship, when it starts falling apart and there are these－ these questions running around in your head, like why did she do that, how did she do that.” His hands were moving all over the place as he talks, going up in circles beside his head and down to his lap again. “This song. . . It’s－ It’s my inner turmoil.”

He nods to signify the end of his explanation, then goes on to talk about the first verse. “So first we have, I wish there was a situation to be mad at or a person I could blame, which is. . .” Denki trails off, pursing his lips together. “Thinking about, you know, wondering if it’s alright to blame her, or blame me, or blame the other guy. Because, thinking about it, there must be something－ something wrong with me, or there’s something I don’t have that the other guy does, for her to do that.”

Denki hates this. He hates every moment of it. He is literally just opening his sleeve up for the world to see. Some people won’t even care about it. This whole idea of splitting himself open, his heartbreak in all its glory, for people to just shrug off is so pointless.

He continues, nevertheless, because does he even have a choice?

“I’ve got a loud mouth, I’m pale with a ghost obsession but behind the scenes with her I’m playing twenty-one questions,” he sings, slurring the words. “Everyone knows that I talk a lot, okay?” He laughs, the tinkling sound bouncing inside the four walls. “That, and, this one. . . It’s kind of－ It’s saying－ The me I show the world isn’t the same me I face her with. Meaning, like, during the time this was going on, no one would ever guess our relationship was falling apart.”

Reliving the same hurt is hell. He doesn’t understand how Mina can just stand there when she had a front row seat of his pain. There’s an inkling of annoyance and betrayal dancing in Kaminari’s chest, along with a the guilt he’s feeling for feeling that way.

The singer wrings his hands together as he forces himself to spew out what needed to be heard. If they ask him who the song is about, he might just lose his mind. The song cover art’s background is literally Kyouka Jirou’s jacket. Yes, he made it that obvious who the song is about.

“So. . . There’s gotta be a reason you keep your guy in hiding, I’m becoming what I’ve hated but your talk is so inviting. The first line is pretty self-explanatory,” he smiles at the camera, a little wobbly and a little unsure. “I’m becoming what I’ve hated. . . That’s, uh, see, I never liked the fact that she cheated on another man with me and I didn’t know because you know, she told me she was single. I wasn’t aware she was in a relationship and cheating,” he rubs the back of his neck with an uneasy smile. “And now I’m becoming the other man, I’m the one being cheated on, but I can’t do anything about it because she－ well, she’s intoxicating.”

He continues, thrumming his fingers on his jean-clad thigh. “But then what, you drop your guy and take me on, it’s everything I wanted but then what, would you get tired of my time. Hmm,” Denki tilts his head to the side a little, eyes upward. “He left him for me and now would you get tired of my time, of me, of the tours and work and everything. Would you get tired and do the same thing you did to the other man.”

The chorus of the song is next, and a disbelieving chuckle bubbles up his throat. God, he was so fucking whipped for that woman, it kind of throws him off a little now.

“My mood’s dictated by our conversation and if you don’t text, I get too frustrated, I want you all to myself this time. Conflicted looks good on me, I’m trying desperately, I want you all to myself this time,” he sings offhandedly, bobbing his head along the tune of his failed love. “This－ This is an interesting one because I always have my phone on DND,” he shares to the camera like it’s a secret to be well-kept by everyone. “And when she came along I started leaving my phone on ring so I won’t miss any of her texts or calls. It was so unlike me that it kind of scared me a little bit, to be honest.”

Kyouka Jirou was an amazing girl, Kaminari won’t deny that. They got along so well. They wrote songs together over champagne and the dim lights of his studio. They shared kisses behind cameras. They even whispered sweet promises to each other in the void of Denki’s room. Those things happened and she had another man all along.

In the back of his mind, Denki is disgusted. With who, however, he doesn’t know. He’d been kissing his girlfriend who kissed another man. Who is he to know if that was the only thing they ever did.

It was sad, to say the least. Loving someone right under your nose who is loving another man behind your back. It was like Jirou took his heart and ripped it right in front of him, and she made sure to break it so good it would be hard for Kaminari to love again.

“I never have to carefully shape sentences when I have some words to say. They’re falling from my mouth from the time that they hit my brain. I don’t have a brake in my mouth, okay?” He pauses to stare at the camera. “I say whatever I think even before I realize what the fuck I’m saying.”

When Denki sees Mina’s eyes immediately growing wide like saucers at the expletive, he slaps a hand over his mouth. Verified always bleeps out curses and his mind decided to throw that information out the window. “Sorry!” He giggles behind his palm. “See!” He points at the camera. “That is the exact meaning of those lyrics!”

Small giggles are still erupting from the man as he tries to suppress it and get on the next parts. “Will that be cut out? Can we cut that out?” He wheezes as he rubs sweaty palms on denim. “Anyway,” he breathes, puffing his chest up and sitting himself right on the stool. “’Cause we built a picture made for frames, we live in chemistry away from all the wasted time and taste.”

Denki’s mind paddles back to a late night writing session with his former girlfriend, the other half of his sandwich long forgotten as he stared at the girl, who seems like the whole world to him as she scribbles word after word on the ripped piece of paper she snatched up somewhere on his messy table. He swears there are stars twinkling in the background whenever he catches sight of her, and it makes his little heart swell with pride as he softly tells her promises of their future together.

“We were too perfect,” Denki says, clicking his tongue after as if in disappointment. “We were. . . wrapped up in our own world. Or maybe I was the only one wrapped up in something that was. . .” He falters, heart aching at the thought of the promises that are nothing now.

He covers it up with a smile, eyes crinkling at the sides as he let his hands rest on the back of the stool. “And it sucks to sleep ’cause you aren’t talking to me. I wanna give you space but the amount between us is wrecking me.” Kaminari squints as he hums, tilting his head back and groaning softly. “So, this one. . . This is where we were nearing the end and the communication was so bad even though that was the only thing I wanted to somehow still fix what was left of our relationship, but she didn’t want that. We were already light-years away from each other, what was I supposed to do?” He lifts one hand up in a “what?” motion and crumples his eyebrows together.

He slurs out the next lyrics. “’Cause then what, you dropped your guy and took me on it’s everything I wanted but then what, am I in his position now?” He claps his hands like he just discovered something big. “This! Am I in the position of the other guy before me? Like, am I now in his place? Will you leave me for the guy you. . . cheated on me with.”

Kaminari then goofily positions his arms as if holding a guitar, and starts strumming the air while bobbing his head side to side. “I’ll forget you if you need me to, like nothing ever happened. My sun still sets without you, like nothing ever happened.” His smile is glowing as he stretches his arms wide. “I can forget, and I will,” he looks determinedly at the camera. “And I will get on with my life and do the things I love and every day would be a happier day for me,” he grins. “Even without you.”

Denki doesn’t realize that little slip up of acknowledging her as he waves goodbye, a sliver of something heavy lifting off his shoulders.

It’s another boring Sunday for you as you snuggle your blanket on the couch, the show on the TV serving to be just white noise as you go over your last texts with your ex-boyfriend.

It has been a week since your break up with Shouto and you’re still moping. He calmly explained to you how your relationship wasn’t working out anymore and that he started having feelings for a friend. In spite, you replied with “I wasn’t aware our relationship had gym schedules.” And that was the end of it.

You groan at your stupidity. If you weren’t so caught up in your jealousy, you could have talked to him a little nicer, a little calmer. But you knew who that friend he was pertaining to. Yaoyorozu Momo, the girl who always seems to be around your boyfriend. She’s a meek girl, and even before you and Shouto got together, she had been around. So, Yaoyorozu was there before you.

There are times when you and Shouto are out and she would happen to be at the same place. At first, you didn’t pay any mind, but when it got more frequent, you had your suspicions. What’s worse is that whenever she’s around, she’ll just smile at you and that’s that. She’ll pretend like you’re not standing right next to your boyfriend and like you didn’t exist. It made you feel small.

You’re loud and, at times, obnoxious. You are aware of how much attention you catch because of your brazen attitude. It really was a mystery how Todoroki liked you. You two were so different. He was more on the likes of Yaoyorozu, and thinking about it, they were so much more alike that it’s ridiculous. Yaoyorozu’s a rich girl, and so is Shouto. Their auras are the same and they give off the same vibes. Those are what really pulled at your insecurity.

And see, it didn’t take long for Todoroki to realize he didn’t belong with you. You loved him, yes, and you thought maybe you’d last forever. But now, seeing how it all ended, you want to laugh at the face of your past self for thinking such absurd things. Of course it wouldn’t last. Maybe you were too much for Todoroki.

The bubbling insecurities inside you is just starting up when there’s a ping from your phone and you groan, thinking it’s Hitoshi again because he’s been pestering you for the past week to actually get up and be productive. But no, it isn’t your friend. It’s a notification for the latest tweet of your favorite artist, KAMI, and you almost fall off the couch when you read it.

10 minutes til @Verified drops my official lyrics and meaning vid for 21 questions! Stay tuned!

Fuck, what the fuck? Official lyrics and meaning? The four walls of your room are the witnesses to how much you cried to that song after your break up. Some lyrics were so relatable but you’re relieved you didn’t experience the cheating part. It must suck for Kaminari to have his girlfriend of over a year cheat on him.

After several, consecutive refreshes, the new video pops up and you let out a little scream because on the thumbnail is Kaminari Denki himself, clad in a white shirt and leather jacket. You click play and a giggling Kaminari is on your screen, saying, “Will that be cut out? Can we cut that out?” Then it’s the usual intro of Verified.

Kaminari is waving and introducing himself with a huge smile on his face. You admire your favorite artist through the screen and wonder when he will hold a meet and greet. I’m manifesting, you think, as you position yourself more comfortably in your couch.

“This song. . . It’s－ It’s my inner turmoil.” Huh. You’re not surprised. Songs written and sang with so much emotion strikes the listeners way harder than any other song. And the fact that Kaminari wrote it with his heart up his sleeves, the song meant a lot more to you.

As he goes on explaining every line, every lyric, you can’t help the same hurt blooming on your chest again. Everything he’s saying stabs right at your heart. Every word, though different in context when it comes to you, is like a kick to your chest. 21 Questions never felt so much like home right this moment.

“I never have to carefully shape sentences when I have some words to say. They’re falling from my mouth from the time that they hit my brain. I don’t have a brake in my mouth, okay?” There’s a pause and an intense stare at the camera. “I say whatever I think even before I realize what the － I’m saying.”

There’s a bleep and your heart almost bursts at the absolute cuteness when he instantly covered his mouth and his giggles sift through your phone’s speakers. So this is where the first clip on the video is from, when he asked if they can cut it out. But no matter how adorable his giggles were, Kaminari’s words are banging its way into your head.

“We were too perfect. We were. . . too wrapped up in our own world. Or maybe I was the only one wrapped up in something that was. . .” His sentence is left unfinished, but you felt it in your bones. It’s like a slap to the face. Yeah. Maybe he’s right. Maybe you were the only one wrapped up, maybe you were the only one attached. It seemed too good to be true, and you were so high up you didn’t realize Todoroki had gone down and Yaoyorozu was there to catch him.

You aren’t prepared for the next part though, because the man decided it was okay － totally fine! － to lean back and bare his whole neck while groaning － groaning! Any other human being will not survive this. What is he doing. You’re seconds away from hyperventilating as you double tap to replay that certain part. He wants you all dead. Yes. That must be it.

The video is close to ending, and as Kaminari says his last words, it tickles something awake in your heartbroken state.

“I can forget. And I will! And I will get on with my life and do the things I love and every day would be a happier day for me. Even without you.”

Even without Shouto, you’ll get by. Your world doesn’t revolve around him. There’s a lot of things you can do without invalidating your heartbreak, and maybe you’ll hold on to Kaminari’s words. Every day would be a happier day for me. It’s another thing you’re manifesting on, along with that meet and greet of Kaminari.

more notes: yes this is based off waterparks’s 21 questions pLEASE I FEEL LIKE AWSTEN’S CHAOTIC ENERGY IS A DIRECT COPY OF THE ONE KAMINARI EXUDES SO THIS IS PERFECT. anyways this series’ titles are going to be a bunch of waterparks songs.

[lampmeeting]

what are your headcanons for magnus's backstory? i really enjoy picking apart underdeveloped villains to see what makes them tick and building up backstory that Explains why they do the shit they do and... you seem to also have many thoughts about magnus

ohhh!! yes i have thoughts! :D i still haven’t delved super in-depth into his past but here’s some VERY LONG messy, rambly stuff that’s like partially ideas i’ve had already and partially things i’m pulling right out of my ass (seriously this is long i’m sorry haha)

first big thing is that his dad was a really loving, warm person. just a big tall friendly dude, kind of a free spirit, also a veteran (fought in korea maybe? i think that timing would work out if magnus was born in the early 60s). he died in a motorcycle accident when magnus was like 9 or 10. maybe magnus was on the bike with him but survived, not sure how sad i wanna go here. his mom, who had always struggled with depression, fell into a really dark period and magnus tried to be there for her but he was just a grieving little kid. :( 

he has an older half-sister from his dad’s first marriage, and she was about 17 when he died and then left the family because she couldn’t deal with it (i don’t think magnus really reconnects with her in any significant way until after dethklok kicks him out).

i’m lifting this straight from marc maron but he’s jewish since his mother was jewish. his mom wasn’t religious though (at least when he was younger). about a year or so after his dad’s passing, though, his mom meets a man through her job and ultimately marries him. magnus’ step-dad is just...awful. very strict catholic. very controlling of his mom. the guy has magnus baptized shortly after the marriage. magnus goes through a really intense satanism phase in his teens as a way to rebel (this is also when he gets into metal - it’s the mid-70s so alice cooper and black sabbath are his faves). even as an adult magnus has a weird, complicated relationship with religion. he’d call himself an atheist but he has periods when he’s more of a misotheist and then other periods where he’s, like, afraid of god. it’s all very complicated.

after high school he decides to enlist in the army just like his dad did. he has no fucking idea what to do with himself so he thinks if it worked for his dad, it’ll work for him. wrong haha, he hates it. he picked up smoking and drinking in his teens, but the army amps those vices up to 11 and he starts experimenting with drugs too, mostly acid. surprise surprise, he gets in trouble for buying shit off-base from an undercover cop, and he’s dishonorably discharged. :O

his step-dad doesn’t allow him to come live back home after that, and his mom just defers to him now, so magnus spends a while living out of his truck. it’s a bleak time. he’s in his early 20s. all he’s got is his car and his guitar and a few other possessions. starts busking. for him, it’s humiliating work. spends most of his money on cigarettes and alcohol. somehow he ends up gigging at a local dive bar and gets a job washing dishes in the back. over the next few years he’s in and out of various bands, but he never really saves enough money to get a place. it’s kind of his weird secret, that he’s still living in the truck. he has a few relationships with various people, some bandmates, some fans, one coworker. they only ever last a couple months or so until they get too close and magnus starts itching to be by himself again, even though he’s miserable alone. but that’s preferable to having someone in his space all the time, knowing his business.

it’s during this time, too, that he picks up his heroin habit from a bandmate (that’s why the band dissolved, they all got addicted) but he tells himself he’s got it under control (the mental gymnastics with this man...). eventually he decides he’s done with bands, he’s just gonna play solo since he’s obviously more talented than anyone he could possibly play with. makes a pretty good name for himself, plays some local events, has a few solo albums that do all right, but no mainstream attention or anything.

it’s pickles who reaches out to him when magnus is in his early 30s (it’s like 1994 or something). wants to know if he’s at all interested in going back to his metal roots because they just had to get rid of their previous lead guitarist due to heroin addiction. magnus admits he’s interested, comes to a practice session. the guys are all phenomenal, and magnus sees some serious dollar signs. dethklok starts getting huge pretty quickly after that. they ditch their older manager at magnus’ insistence that he’s holding them back, and pickles knows a guy and gets him on board (hello charlie!). they all buy into a huge apartment so they can live and practice in the same place. there’s talk of a recording contract. everything’s looking up, even if they’re all starting to bicker behind the scenes.

it’s around this time that magnus hears from his step-dad that his mother died. a month ago. it was a lovely funeral, but he didn’t want magnus there due to his history with drugs, didn’t want him to make a scene and “act crazy”. after that magnus begins to slip. his addiction and depression spiral. he’s blowing up at people left and right, feels out of control. the only thing he thinks he can control is the band, and his grip tightens hard. he butts heads with pickles quite a bit, who definitely suspects something bad is up with him. magnus fears there’s talk of getting rid of him, and his paranoia makes him try to assert even more control.

finally we reach That Night. we know what goes down. magnus finds himself kicked out with his gear, homeless again, face busted. he gets in his truck, shoots up, goes for a drive for a while, feels good. when he comes down, though, he’s furious and his face fucking hurts and he wants to fucking kill something. he drives back to the apartment, finding everyone either out or asleep. he makes a move for nathan’s bedroom door, intent on finishing the job, but he doesn’t. and then he just gets pissed off at himself, wrecks up the place, and drives away again. he keeps telling himself he should just drive off the road and end it, but he doesn’t, and when he crosses state lines into new mexico he realizes he’s been driving to his half-sister’s house this whole time. they’d talked occasionally over the years but not much, but the moment he knocks on her door she takes him in with no questions asked. he doesn’t want any doctors so she just tends to his face as best she can, and when he starts to detox she looks after him. his sister makes her living as a reiki healer and is super into crystals and meditation and stuff, so while he’s living with her she tries to help him get his energies all aligned and whatnot hahaha... she’s also a recovered addict so no alcohol or drugs in the house. it’s a really weird time for magnus, but it’s good too. he probably ends up living with her for a few years, just keeping a low profile, playing guitar, trying to heal from shit.

dethklok gets huge very, very quickly. he tries not to pay attention but soon enough he’s seeing billboards for their album and tour, interviews on TV, magazine covers. a documentary comes out on MTV about the history of the band, and there’s a whole section about magnus with photos of him and people talking about how angry and controlling he was. they interview the band, people he played with in the past, old flames. his sister says she was approached for it, but she declined to comment. magnus is distraught, and almost overnight every time he goes into town for anything someone recognizes him and gives him shit (or worse, recognizes him and wants him to tell them all about dethklok). he gets things thrown at him, gets his tires slashed, gets approached for sex but only because of his connection to the band. dethklok fans at this point are getting even more zealous.

he has a really bad night and considers just shaving his head and beard so he won’t be recognized, but he can’t bring himself to do it. he starts drinking again, hiding it from his sister, and eventually just leaves in the middle of the night without a word. calls her in the morning when he reaches a stopping place, apologizes, confesses he’s off the wagon. she wires him some money, a pretty significant amount, and tells him to get an apartment and take care of himself. magnus, surprisingly, does just that. he feels it’s the least he can do to repay her kindness.

he still drinks, but i don’t think he gets back into drugs until he starts doing the rock camp thing years later. being around those old washed-up musicians and being “ex-dethklok guitarist magnus hammersmith” makes him feel like shit, even if the money is good, and most of these dudes are still using. heroin’s not chic anymore, though, it’s all about pills.

the assassin knows exactly what he’s doing when he shows himself to magnus on the anniversary of his mother’s death. offers him a chance to take his life back, to help change the world, to make sure dethklok gets what’s coming to them once and for all. magnus had all but given up hope on ever escaping from their shadow, but this...the assassin makes some sense, so in the middle of the night he agrees, and in the morning he finds an address scrawled on the wall in blood. and the rest is history i suppose. :’)

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 36

Catch up on AO3

~*~Sebastian~*~

I can’t believe I popped off like that and embarrassed the hell out of Emma. Her laughing it off was good, but I still felt bad. After I said thank you, I took her hand from my chest and kissed it before dropping our hands between us and heading toward the restaurant.

The manager was waiting at the hostess stand when we arrived. He led us to our table and said our server would be right with us. We were at the same table, by my request, only I couldn't bear to sit across from her tonight. I took the chair with my back to everyone, diagonal to her, where I could touch her.

My leg rested against hers while we flipped through the menus. A minute later our server showed up, "Hey, you're back."

I'd requested her too. "I promise we won't stay until close tonight."

She swiped her hand down, "Don't worry about it. What can I get you guys to drink?"

Emma pulled her lips to the side, "I'd like a margarita on the rocks with salt."

"Do you have a preferred Tequila?"

"Patron Silver."

I looked from Emma to our server, "That sounds good."

"I'll be right back."

Emma smiled, "Thank you, Cindy."

I was struck, again, by her kindness to everyone. Especially me. I took her hand to bring her attention to me, "I like opening doors." I also like to say awkward shit when I'm trying to explain myself to this woman. She makes me stumble over words like an idiot. Let's try again. “Your compliment caught me off guard. I went for self-depreciation. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"I have no idea why I got embarrassed."

I noticed her cheeks turning red again, "You're blushing again."

"I can feel it." She used the hand I wasn't holding to feel her cheeks.

Whatever was going on was cute as hell. She certainly wasn't embarrassed while I was fucking her into the wall. I digress. I need to finish my explanation. "I like to open doors, carry things, and take your hand because I want to make sure you know I think you're special, because you are. Special to me."

"I want to kiss you."

The look on her face and softness of her voice did things to me. My stomach felt funny and I wanted to press in the middle of my chest. "You can kiss me." I leaned closer and waited for the touch of her lips. It was too short. "You can always kiss me."

"Ok, two patron margaritas on the rocks with salt."

Boy, was this feeling familiar. I looked at Cindy, trying not to laugh. "Thanks, Cindy."

"No problem. Do you know what you want? Ready to order?"

"I do know what I want." I looked at Emma. "Do you know what you want, sweetheart?"

She wasn't blushing now. "I do." She took her eyes from mine, "I'd like the seafood pasta."

"I’ll take the salmon." I handed our menus to Cindy. She walked away and we started laughing. I think this is going to be an interesting night.

Emma's eyes went wide, "Oh! It turns out we have friends in common."

"We do?"

"I called Angie to do the girl thing where we dish about the new guy. After I'd told her about you, I sent her the bear picture."

I snorted a laugh, "I like the fish one. Our relationship is defined by you kissing a fish in a bag before me."

She threw out, "We're making up the time” then went on with the story. "Ang remembered Eli had met you and went to find him.” She did this thing with her hands like she jumping from point to point. “Eli is in band with Boone. Boone is now married to Kirk. You know Kirk from Gossip Girl and were at the bachelor party with Eli. He remembers you from other parties too, but that was the connection.” Emma put her hand on her chest, “I was at the wedding."

"Well, that was a bad decision on my part." Fuck me.  Wait, I think I had a date for the wedding before I had to cancel.

"No, you weren’t supposed to meet me then."

I scratched my head, "I was filming. I saw pictures. Beautiful wedding." I made grabby hands for her phone, "Pictures of Eli."

"You‘ll recognize Eli. He has the best hair." She dug her phone out of her purse and clicked through a couple of screens before handing it to me. “Look around.”

I flipped through the pictures trying to find one that sparked a memory. Maybe a dozen in there was a video of Boone and Eli's band. I turned on the sound. That did it. "Oh yeah, I remember him. Good musician. I think I got stoned with them."

Emma snickered, "That sounds typical.”

"Did you get anything interesting on me?"  I was curious.

She shook her head vehemently, "We laughed about him being a character reference, but no.  He said you’d been to gigs and a couple of parties, but we probably wouldn’t have noticed because no one really paid any attention to you. You were just another guy hanging out with friends. Said you were funny drunk with your friends.”

I nodded, "That is me in a nutshell." I was making a mental list of my traitorous friends who might know her. “The drunk with friends part can be pretty loud and borderline obnoxious.” Only really good friends.

“Aren’t we all.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes, “Angie and I put on quite the show. Eli either stands back pretending not to know us or tries to reign us in. We dance and sing then get to the you’re my best friend and I love you stage. We can have complete conversations saying single words. Eli can usually figure out what’s going on.”

“Best kind of friends. I like when one of us will text the other to come rescue or comment on something.” I remembered the other night, “Could have used that the other night.” She cocked her head to the side. “That dinner and cocktail party. So many conversations I wanted out of. Ended up hanging out with the husband of one of the execs.”

“Everything go ok otherwise?”

I nodded, “Yeah, everything’s good.” I hadn’t had a chance to tell her about it yet. “It’s a Japanese watch ad.” 

Emma ran a finger over my wrist next to the band of my watch. That shouldn’t have felt as good as it did. “You going to get a new watch out of this?”

“Oh yeah, already got my eye on one.”  Two actually. “Dinner was with company executives, then the party was spouses and lower executives. We went to this amazing sushi place. So good.”

We talked and laughed through dinner, switching off telling stories. It was easy conversation. We were recognizing names and asking questions to put things together. I was excited for the next part where we got to know each other’s friends.  I had an idea, but I’d wait until later to talk to her. Of course, there were a few of my friends who already knew her. Kirk and I were going to be having a talk. I didn’t give a shit about information on her. I want to know why he never set us up? He throws other women in front of me, why not her? My friends are, well, they're my friends for a reason. There's a group of college friends I get together with every so often. They're fun and remind me of where I came from. Gym friends, who make that time fun. Work friends are other actors or people in the business. Then there's the guys. A group I’ve known for years and I count as my best friends. I take vacations with them and they travel with me sometimes. This is the core I count on to call me on my shit and keep me grounded. They're the most important and who I talked about most tonight.

I paid the check and we headed out. The sun was close to setting and the sky was already turning the colors she loved. Perfect for a romantic walk by the river. "Wanna take a walk?

"Love too."

We veered out of the parking lot right past the CRV. I'd been holding her hand, but once we were close to the river, I put my arm around her shoulder so she wouldn't get cold. Not really. I just wanted her close. I'd told her I'd be happy being quiet with her and I was. There was noise all around and we walked in comfortable silence. I liked how she fit against me under my arm. The way her hand felt on my waist. How when the breeze blew I could catch the faint scent of her perfume. Her hair was silky over my arm. A lot of times she feels like sensory overload. Right now, she feels calming. Very calming, which doesn't make a lot sense to me given the amount of contact.

Once the people thinned out, I led her to an empty bench. I kept my around her and Emma laid her hand on my leg, her head on my shoulder, and I pressed my lips to her hair before laying my cheek there. I reached for her hand and twined our fingers. The sun was sinking fast. I’ve always been underwhelmed by sunsets. Sure they’re pretty, but I was looking for excitement and was disappointed. Now, I get it.  There’s not an explosion or some big event marking the end of the day. It’s simply the outcome of a complex situation. Interaction of light, cloud, humidity, and temperature. They don’t plan or rehearse, they just come together to see what they make. I had a very new and satisfying view of sunsets now. Something tangible she’s taught me. I broke the silence with a kiss on her forehead and decided to tell her.  "I have a deeper understanding of sunsets now. You taught me. Sunset isn’t the end. The fifteen twenty minutes after are just as beautiful."

"Does that make sense with anything else?"

The teacher in her was coming out and I nodded, "Anything really. We came out for dinner, but the walk after has been as just as good. And there’s a lot to be said for after sex where you’re basically internalizing the physical and emotional parts."

Emma smiled, "A lot of life happens after the high."

Her words hit me in the chest. I leaned forward to look at her, "Keep talking."

"I think people miss a lot of really good stuff because they're focused on some big payoff. And people-miss the good that comes from something bad."

I squinted my eyes, "You're an optimist."

"No, no." She shook her head with a frown. "I’m very good at finding a silver lining and over time I’ve learned to trust in that. I really do believe I'II be alright no matter what happens."

"You're strong." I never wanted to leave this bench, this conversation.

"And you’re not?" Her tone gave away her disbelief.

I smiled, "I am. I'm not in a good business for weakness. I used to send out these homemade audition tapes. A friend would shoot them and I’d send them to anyone, just to keep me showing up on their desk. Must have sent out hundreds. Lots of no responses and rejection. I kept pushing forward. I try to be true to me, to do what's right for me. Sometimes that means making a shitty choice for a long-term gain. There's strength there. It takes strength in maneuvering through all the bullshit. My overthinking and bouts with lack of confidence make me human. One of the many things I love about acting is slipping into a character. I’ve studied, and researched, and built the character, but once I step into him it's not about me anymore. It's about doing justice to the script, the director, the other actors, the project. When it all comes together it’s the greatest feeling. I'm good at that."

And here we were again in the middle of some intense conversation that started from nothing. From her smile she either had the same experience or she was connecting with me. Assume the first, hope for the second.

"I think that's when I’m the best teacher and enjoy it the most. When I get lost in what I'm doing. Because teaching first grade is a lot of embarrassing moments strung together. Forget the singing and dancing in class. I was at a gas station at seven am in a fairy costume." The roll of her eyes emphasized how ridiculous she thought the situation.

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Both our jobs are a little ridiculous."

"I think you win." We both snickered. “I read or saw something about Evans and Hemsworth between takes cracking up because they were two men dressed up as superheroes. Just looking at each other and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I love blooper and gag reels for those moments."

"It's a lot of fun." I was still playing with the strand of hair I’d tucked behind her ear. "Do you usually straighten out your waves?" The question stung. I hadn’t known her long enough to know the answer.

"I shower when I get home from the gym. It's a mess in the morning and easier to do this than fix the mess. The shorter it is the curlier it is. I like the waves, but I like how soft it is like this. I like running my fingers through."

"Yeah? Me too."

I didn't even try to resist the urge to kiss her. I wouldn't have succeeded anyway. I caught her smile as I got closer and smiled too. I tangled my fingers in her hair with the first brush of lips. I was neither surprised by nor displeased with the touch of her tongue against my lips. I let her control and deepen the kiss, letting her take what she wanted. When she moved away, I drug my hand from her hair to her cheek, my thumb caressing her soft skin. I stayed close and kissed her softly before settling back with her tucked against me again.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I wasn't thinking of anything. I was staying completely in the moment. There was so much soak in. A gentle tug of her fingers brought my attention to her, "You ready to go?"

I nodded and stood up. A few feet onto the path she bumped my hip with hers, "Race ya'."

I was all in, but looked at her feet, "You're not wearing the shoes for this."

She didn't break eye contact as she took off her shoes, letting them dangle from her fingers. "Ready?" she squatted down. "Set." She took off and yelled over her shoulder, "Go!"

"You cheat!" I took off after her laughing.

Shit, she's fast. Not so fast I can't catch her, but she's fast. I waited until we were about halfway back to the CRV before I crept up on her, "I'm coming for you.” She put on a little more speed, but I went past her. I yelled, "You cheat!" again when she grabbed onto my shirt. I started laughing so hard it slowed me down and Emma went past me. I got close enough to wrap my arm around her waist and haul her back against my hip, "Gotcha."

Emma kicked her feet, trying to get away, "Who's cheating now?"

I brought her in front of me, wrapping both arms around her middle, and lifting her off her feet, "Never said I didn't cheat." She waved her arms and legs in front of us. I laughed and held her tighter. "Stop or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you."

A very indignant voice said, "You will not."

I put her down, took her by the shoulders to turn her around, and looked at her with a quirked eyebrow.

Emma put her hands on her hips defiantly. So intimidating. Covering her hands with mine I beat over and stood back up with her folded over my shoulder. Her hands went to my hips and I could tell she was holding herself up. "Sebastian."

I started walking, "Emiliana"

"People can see."

"No, they can't. It's dark." I glanced to the side. Not sure if they can see, but a few are looking. I kept walking.

"I’m going to grab your ass."

"I'll spank you."

"Tease." She dropped down, relaxing against my back.

"You started it." I punched in the code and walked to the other side, putting her down the same way I'd picked her up.

Emma's hands went to the back of my neck, stopping me from completely standing up. She gave me a smacking kiss tinged with a laugh, "You're fun." Her arms tightened around my neck in a hug.

I learned from her previous next-to-the-car compliment and just said, "Thank you" and hugged her close.

Inside Emma's place she let go of my hand and pointed toward the ground. "I'm going to go wash my feet." She held one up and it was filthy.

"I'll be right up." I gave her a quick kiss and headed to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. I could hear the water running in the tub when I got upstairs. I busied myself shoving clothes back in my bag, plugging in my phone charger, and turning down the bed.

Emma came out of the bathroom and walked to her side of the bed. We stood there looking at each other. I reached over my head to grab my shirt and pull it over my head. Emma's eyes ran over my chest before she lifted her shirt. I returned the favor and checked her out while undoing the button and zipper on pants. I dropped them to floor, leaving me in only my boxer briefs.

Emma swallowed hard and pointed in the direction of my hips, "Nice thighs."

"Thanks." Her skirt fell to the ground leaving her in matching pink, what looked to be silk or satin, bra and panties. "Ooof." I pointed all over, "Nice... everything."

"Thanks."

I reached for my briefs at the same time she went for her bra. I crawled into bed while she removed her last bit of clothing. I stretched out, waiting for her. She scooted up right next to me and I ran my hand from her naked hip to side of her breast, my eyes taking in all of her. "You're fucking amazing."

My statement wasn’t aggressive. I was in quiet awe and I barely recognized my own voice. I meant more than her body. Everything about her. The more I learn the more I want her.

Before she could respond my mouth was on hers, covering her lips with soft kisses. She moaned with the first touch of my tongue and pulled me closer. The feel of her hands on my back, her nails tickling my skin, had me craving more. I scooted down her body, teasing her nipple with my tongue. Hard to know if it was my hands or mouth she liked more. She arched her back into the contact and drug her fingers over my scalp.

"You made me feel so good." Her body shuddered with the tugging of my teeth. "How do I ask for more in Romanian?"

I kissed lower on her belly, "Mai mult." I braced for what she was about to do to me.

"Mai mult, Sebasti-an."

Lightning bolt straight down my spine that branched out to my chest and cock. "Orice vrei, iubito." I placed a wet kiss on her hip before translating what I'd said. "Anything you want, baby." I wiggled into the space between her legs that she'd made for me. Tonight's discovery was that a sucking kiss on her inner thigh, mere inches from goal made her squirm and gasp. I spent a good bit of time testing how far up and away from her cut line the reaction went. The length was sensual and got me jerks and shivers, but it was inner thigh even with her vagina, barely a finger width away from the cut line that really worked. It was the perfect place where I could kiss and touch at the same time. I wanted to leave a mark there, mark her as mine. I wouldn't without her permission, put I wanted to. Very cave man of me, but tonight wasn't cave man. I lifted her leg over my shoulder, sliding my hand under her. I squeezed her ass, pulling her up while my other hand made soft strokes down her inner thigh to ease it to the side. I liked working to get her legs apart. I used soft touches and firm strokes. I wasn't going to grope her like a teenager in heat, unless we were playing that game.

She liked the foreplay and stimulation. I was happy to give. I liked watching her respond to me. I get off on it too. It’s not always this way, but Emma's pleasure is a primary goal for me. I want to be a good lover so she'll crave me the way I do her. I know she does by the way she comes done under my touch.

Tonight, was for slow. I went down on her, leaving wet kisses on pink skin and using my fingers to pulse inside her. Every so often I replaced my fingers with my tongue and got a deep taste of her. It took a few minutes to get her clit into the game. It needed some coaxing to come out of hiding, but then Emma liked firm contact there. I alternated between open mouthed teasing licks and gentle sucking and vibrating. Sometimes a mix of all three. I slid my thumb inside her, her slickness easing the way. I rubbed along her as I licked her, my thumb repeatedly entering her and my middle finger skating over her other entrance. After one or two passes I looked up to her, "Tell me to stop."

Her response, "Mai mult, Sebasti-an."

More.

I kept up the movement until I could tell she was getting close. No surprises. I ran my finger over her a few times before gentle pushing inside her. Emma slammed her hands on the bed, her head canting back, and she absolutely screamed my name. Not said, not yelled... screamed. She arched off the bed then collapsed. I could see her thighs shaking.

I felt like a god.

Giving her time to come down, I slowly kissed my way up her body. I wanted her with me for the next part, not comatose. By the time I got to her neck her arms were around me with her hands on my ass.

Emma hooked her leg around my calf, “Condoms. Nightstand.”

I looked beside the bed, there were two. “Which one?”

“Both.” She stretched up to kiss me.

I pressed my body against hers, trapping my cock between us, and reaching for the nearest nightstand. When I went to my knees, she followed me. Her hands caressed my stomach and side while she kissed my chest. I worked around her to roll on the condom. I leaned forward and eased her back on the bed. Before her head hit the pillow, I was pushing inside her. She felt so warm and good wrapped around me. I stopped when I was deep in her to savor the feeling.

A smile crept slowly over Emma’s face and she put her hands on my face, stroking down to my shoulders. I returned the smile and started moving. Her hips met mine stroke for long slow stroke. I dropped my head to her shoulder, “I want this to last.” 

I don’t think I was talking just about the sex.

And last it did. We went from a slow steady missionary to a crazy sexy her on top. The way she moved, danced, with me inside her was something I wanted to memorize. I loved watching her stomach tighten with each stroke and way she went from smiling to biting her lip to her breath catching. Her fingers rested on my stomach and moved with her rhythm. I kept my hands on her thighs and watched for as long as I could. When I knew I couldn’t take much more I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me. My hands were splayed high and low on her back to make sure she stayed close. She moved her legs where her feet were on the bed by my hips. Her legs squeezed my sides as tight as her arm around my shoulders held me, her other arm draped over my shoulder and her hand was in my hair. Movement was small and slow as we kissed. It was all I needed. I could feel her wrapped all around me. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and held her down on me, fighting for breath as the orgasm took me.

I fell back on the bed taking her with me. Emma kissed my neck making me shiver. “Good god.”

She huffed out a breath, “Umm, yeah.”

We stayed wrapped around each other until I started to go soft and slip out of her. She pushed onto hands and knees, climbing out of the bed. “Condom.”

I pulled it off and handed it off to her. I rolled to my side to watch her walk to the bathroom. I fussed with the bed and lifted the covers when she came back. A few seconds later we were cuddled up on our sides, arms and legs tangled together. We kissed lazily, enjoying the “fifteen minutes” after the high. Exactly like I’d said earlier, there was something good about letting the physical and emotional sink in.

This was heavy on the emotional.  I can’t tell you why it was different, or even really how, but it was. At the end when I could feel her wrapped all around me, it wasn’t just physical. I could FEEL her wrapped all around me. Yet, another part of this day I didn’t want to leave behind. I know it’s been a fucking week and I know it’s new and exciting. I know, I know, I know. But it’s good and I like it. We talked about it being crazy to think we were falling for each other so fast. It is crazy! A really good kind of crazy. And what am I supposed to do pretend I don’t know or push away the feelings? That seems really, really stupid. I’d be missing some incredible stuff. Really stupid. So, there’s the choice. I either just enjoy this and feel all of what I know is happening and let it do its thing, or I don’t. Guess which I’m picking?

I stopped the endless kissing that had been going on and ran my fingers over her cheek, “Just so you know. The matching bra and panties was getting closer to my Fantasy Friday.”

Her smile would have busted through any lies I was trying to tell myself. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me.”

I gave her a side eye like I was considering not. “I have a thing for strings.”

“Strings?”

I pursed my lips and nodded, “Like corsets. Garters. Things I can play with and have to figure how to get you out of.”

She made a noncommittal, “Hmph”.

“You into fantasy fulfillment?”

“I’m into whatever’s going to make you smile.”

I felt that all the ways to my toes. “Emma . . .” I sighed and shook my head, smiling. “You make me smile.”

[itisannak]

Birthday Twins (Calum Hood Fluff)

Summary: Upon meeting her boyfriend’s family, (Y/N) discovers that his sister and her share more than she could imagine. (Request) (Words: 2k)

"They are going to hate me." I state, mind fixed on the worst-case scenario no matter how hard my roommate is trying to assure me otherwise. "They are not going to hate you. You are the most lovable person ever. Plus, their son seems to be the happiest ever since you got together, so they are going to adore you, like everyone else who has met you. "Ok, but what if they do? I can't go... I'll tell Calum I got sick." I panic and she sighs. "Ok, I know for sure that you are not going to make a good impression if you don't show up. And I know for sure that Calum won't buy it. He stayed here last night until 4 in the morning, when exactly did you get sick?" She asks, looking at me with irony. "In the morning. I really can't go. I will die of anxiety there." I sigh, flopping on the bed. "You will be just fine. His parents aren't monsters, they are normal people. And I think that Calum has already talked to them about how great you are, you beautiful and smart and so fucking talented it hurts." She rolls her eyes at me. "If I didn't know you are with Kaia, I would of think you are having a crush on me based on what you've just said." I joke, punching her shoulder softly. "Well, those were Calum's words. That one time you were both drunk and I had to take care of both of you. He kept on mumbling about you while I helped him to bed. He has already charmed them on your behalf, you just have to go and give them a visual of all the things they've heard. So, please, go. I will have my phone on and ready to calm you through texts... Only in the case of an emergency. Leave, or you'll be late." She pulls me up, shoving me out of the room. She hands me my phone and purse, looking at me with arched eyebrows so I know she is being serious. "Fine. If this goes horrible, it is on you." I threaten her and she chuckles. "But if it goes well, I call dibs on being your firstborn's godmother." She replies, tilting her head to the side. "Oh, we are rushing I see." I raise my hands in surrender. "I said I call dibs." She repeats, opening the door for me.

I park my car on the driveway, taking a moment to calm myself down before I enter the house. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to reverse all the what-ifs in my head; what if they love me, what if they think I am the greatest, what if they think of me as their son does... I feel my body relax, heart slowing down to normal rates. I got this... I think...

I walk through the little gate in the backyard, knowing that I will find them there; it is such a nice day for Calum to stay in. I am greeted by Duke who runs happily to me, whimpering so I will pet him. Following right behind, Calum smiles brightly, cheeks popping and dimples making their appearances a few inches from his mouth. "You came." He cheers, opening his arms and embracing me to his body. "Almost didn't. Mia convinced me to..." I sigh, wrapping my arms around his body. "Are you nervous?" He asks me, pulling a little back and bringing his thumbs to stroke my cheeks. His cologne still lingers, tickling my nostrils and making me feel at ease. "Shouldn't I?" I ask and he shakes his head in denial. "You really shouldn't. They already adore the air you breathe... They see that you make me happy and I have honestly talked their ears off telling them all about you. Plus, you look so cute in your little floral dress. You will have them wrapped around your finger at hello." He assures me, leaning in for a kiss.

"That must be the infamous (Y/N). It is so good to finally put a face on the legend." Mali cheers, walking towards us. I was expecting my heart to be jumping out of my chest, but she is so calm and soft that I find her aura calming. "That must be me. It is so nice to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you." I am in literal awe of her, Calum talks so greatly of her that I have developed a worship-like admiration for her. "Nice things, I hope." She turns to Calum, eyeing him a little. "All great things, I assure you." I giggle at how Calum tenses back as she scans him. She lets out a chuckle as she walks to me, hugging me softly. "Wanna go meet the rest of the gang? We were all waiting for you..." Mali says, pointing to the table where their parents are sitting; I can see his father craning his neck towards us, waiting for the moment we will walk over. "Sure..." I mumble, breathing in and fixing my posture. Calum gives me a soft smile, taking my hand in his; he tangles our fingers together, squeezing my hand to let me know he is there for me. Instinctively, my head falls to his shoulder, resting there as we walk to the table, both of his parents standing up to greet me the moment we reach it.

"Ah, the lovely (Y/N). We have heard so much about you." Calum's mom is the first to talk. I extend my hand to shake hers, leaving Calum's free. "I have heard so much about you as well. I have to admit, I am so nervous now that I am meeting you in real life." I chatter nervously, making Joy smile sweetly at me. "No reason, love. We don't eat people, do we now?" David asks me, giggling softly. Calum smirks at me, shrugging his shoulders as he tilts his head to the side. "I have been telling you, love." He pulls my chair out for me, prompting me to sit down. "To be honest, he did tell me that... I have just heard so much about you, and I have been admiring you for raising such an amazing man for so long that I really feel like I am meeting legends right now." I explain, fixing my posture. "This is so lovely for you to say. We raised amazing kids, they've turned out amazing." Joy reaches to stroke Mali's hand, bringing a wholesome smile on my face. "Calum has told us you are a musician as well." David turns to me, looking excitedly. "I am a singer, yeah." I smile as Calum serves some food. "Like our Mali." Joy cheers and I nod. "Yes, actually. I also do more indie songs and write my own lyrics, and to be honest, Mali is my number one inspiration." I explain, earning a coo from Mali. "I joke all the time that she is dating me just to meet Mali. I can't even count all the times we've listened to Sorry while in the car." Calum laughs softly; I gasp and turn to him, glaring with my eyes wide open. "Don't out me like that... But yes, I went through huge fangirl phases when Sorry was released." I look at Mali who smiles brightly. "I am so glad you loved it. And to be transparent with you, I've looked you up and I have to admit, you sound like an angel. You are mesmerizing." Mali compliments me, causing my heart to speed up and heat rise to my face.

"How did you two meet?" Joy asks Calum and me, making me smirk and let him do the talking. "I went for a drink at one of the bars she was singing at. I wasn't even paying attention to the stage until I heard her sing and I felt like I was in heaven. And that was it, I just had to go meet her after her set..." "So, imagine my surprise when one of the most iconic bassists and singers of my generation, if not of all time, walked in the backroom to compliment me for my singing. I think I literally gawk at him for a good minute." I complete, placing my hand on top of his. He smiles at me, leaning in to place a kiss on my forehead. "Did you ask her out that night?" David asks him. I giggle, knowing the answer to the question. "No, I chickened out. I didn't even ask her name that night. I walked out of the room and got back to the bar and I remembered I knew nothing about her, other than the fact that her voice sounds like an angel. I went back to ask more about her but she was gone. So I begged the bartender to tell me her name and then found her on Instagram and saw when she was having a show. I went there, 3 hours before the show and saw her during soundcheck. And waited until the minute she got off stage to go talk to her." "I didn't even take 2 steps off the stage when he asked me if I wanted to go grab a bite with him. And obviously, I said yes, and the rest is history." I sigh, smiling at the reminiscence of our early days. "Uh, so lovely. Like a movie." Joy chuckles and I feel my cheeks turn red. "Yeah, mom, you think it is like a movie... I was giving off real creeper vibes." He giggles and I bite my lip, laughing at the remark. "You were the least creepy of all the creepy dudes that had hit on me after a show." I state, stroking my fingers through his locks. "If that isn't true romance, I don't know what it is." Mali teases us. "I forgot to ask you, love. How old are you?" Joy asks. "Mom!" Calum protests. "It's alright, hon. She didn't ask me anything bad." I smile at him, placing my hand on his soothingly. "I am turning 23 in May." I reply. "Oh, we share the same birthday month. When in May?" Mali asks excitedly, pushing Calum back so she can look at me. "On the 19th. When is yours?" I ask, sharing the same excitement as her. "On the 19th as well. Oh God, we are like birthday twins." Mali says cheerfully, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Why didn't you tell me we share birthday with your sister?" I ask Calum who looks just a tiny bit frightened by our reaction. "I didn't make the connection, jeez." He mumbles, making everyone burst out in laughter. "Well, we will have to celebrate our birthday together this year." Mali suggests and I squeal. "Absolutely yes. I don't even mind flying to London for that party." I giggle, clapping my hands excitedly.

(Calum's POV) "It was a lovely meal. Thank you, son." My dad states as we finish off our food. "You are welcome, dad. Anyone want coffee?" I ask, everyone nodding at me. "Let me help." My dad offers, getting up from his chair.

We walk inside the kitchen, leaving the girls to their conversation. I start the coffee maker, taking in the aroma as I stare outside the window, watching the 3 women laugh at something. I smile, relieved that my family seems to adore (Y/N) and seeing her for the amazing person she is. "She is the one, huh?" My father asks, patting my shoulder. "What?" I ask, altering my attention to him. "I asked, she is the one, huh?" He asks again, chuckling at me. "I really think so, dad." I state, scratching the back of my head as I look at my mom, sister, and girlfriend talk, with not a trace of awkwardness. "She is a good woman, son. I know one when I see one." He joins me in staring at the ladies while waiting for the coffee to brew.

My Masterlist

[exobyharu]

PCY - One Shot

Image source to follow. I just Googled it like this

“Yeah, look, listen, are you uh…”

Summary: A flustered PCY? It was a close call. He was definitely going to tell Baekhyun about his minor fuck up. He may need more than “just make sure you smell good” from him. He got what he came for, though. You can’t say it was a bad idea either.

⏰ 2:10 PM 🌏 7-11, near Chanyeol’s imaginary radio station ☁️ Just immediately after a heavy thunderstorm 👥 YN, Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun

Notes: Another one shot because I’m busy for the holidays. :( First person: It’s my first time! Next update will be on the series. Happy Holidays!

Words: ~1,700

💙💙💙

I just want to be in a proper relationship and stay in it. Instead, the only eligible guy within my social circle is my childhood’s worst nightmare, Byun Baekhyun. I know that I seem way too ungrateful, seeing that countless women would kill to be in my place, but if they had only grown up with the guy, they would know that it would be almost impossible to see him more than a pesky little brother.

Trust me. I tried.

I could barely get the facts straight in my head: He’s actually older than me – even though he behaves way too much like a stubbornly mental teenager and five hyperactive puppies, all combined in one body.

My life was set. Until last night, my life is going to be with this guy I’ve been in a relationship with for the past five years. At least until I discover that he had been cheating for at least half of it, because I turn out to be too boring (his words) for his fun-loving, go-getting ways.

I was told and it explains why I suddenly –  and oh so desperately – want to try something crazy to change that. By my albeit too boring standards, a slow drive down the outskirts of the city in the middle of an afternoon thunderstorm seems like the perfect kind of reckless to me.

There isn’t even alcohol in the picture. Just me, my father’s hand-me-down-SUV-slash-motherwagon, and a bag of chips and soda on the passenger’s seat. The plan is to get moving, reach the shore in a couple of hours and make it back before it gets dark. I will bring my journal with me, binge on junk, and stare out into the sea with the liftgate as the roof over my head and hopefully a stray dog for company.

So yeah.

I am boring.

I leave three text messages anyway, for those in my Top Three Most Important People In My Life list, who have recently ascended up the ranks by default, simply because the Love Of My Life TM, is no longer in it. 

I’ll be out. Be back my midnight, I tell my sister. 

Borrowing the car. I’ll be safe. Driving over to Baekhyun’s, I tell my dad. 

And of course, for my one and only best friend: Let’s go SuperM! Dear leader, told dad I’m driving to your place. Please don’t kill me. I just need to be at my usual spot. I’ll be safe. I promise. Enjoy your tour!

And after a couple of hours preparing and getting my shit together, my eyes are finally dry enough from all the crying. I have my favourite rain jacket on, just in case, and my journal. With my last ritual stop being the nearby convenience store, I know that I will be well on my way to the beach in a few minutes.

It’s a little funny how the thunderstorm has cleared, right when I finally decide to leave the house and head out of the driveway. So much for being reckless. Still, the skies are adequately grey, perfectly sympathising with my sentiments.  

Also, why do they play sappy love songs on the radio at this hour?

I leave the radio on anyway, telling myself that I have to get used to this whole self-partnered concept. Well, for the record, it’s been about six hours into this and all I can say is that it sucks. I miss my stupid, good for nothing, ex. That’s normal, right?

Biting my lower lip, I pull up at the parking space, making sure that my brokenness and frustrations do not reach my eyes once again. Thinking of nothing but the tantalising image of the bag of Lays that I am to devour in a couple of hours, I head straight into the store, the comforting sound of door chimes signalling my entrance. I grab an extra bottle of Mountain Dew just in case, as well as a Snickers bar. And a bag of m&m’s. And a can of Dr. Pepper. And another bag of cookies.

What?

Nobody will see, save for the kind lady by the counter. What’s there to be ashamed about? I am a brokenhearted girl. That means I deserve it. That, and I’m unstoppable.

In about ten minutes, the chimes sound once again, and I am out, running back to the car even before I grab more than what I can actually eat.

“Ya ya ya, slow down!”

The startled voice is too easily recognised. I whirl around, a giant bag of salt and carbohydrates in hand, and am faced by Park Chanyeol, frozen in place with an outstretched hand.

First of all, why am I not surprised? Second of all, I already know too well, what this conversation is going to be all about.

“What a weather to be up and about. Always a busy one, our YN.”

Right. The weather. What a perfect conversation starter. And did he just say our YN? A pout grows on my lips when he comes closer. This can’t be good. 

“I could say the same and have you explaining to me, you know.”

“If it gets rid of this,” he says, and presses a light finger on the wrinkled skin between my brows, “then I will tell you that our radio show got cancelled because of the storm. The station’s just couple of blocks down this street.”

Too bad for him, I’m not easily convinced. “So you’re down here, actually buying something for yourself?”

“And I can’t?”

I close my eyes, unsure if engaging in our usual banter will help nurse my broken spirit. “Don’t you have personal assistants to get you stuff when you need them?”

His shrug makes me even more suspicious. “It’s rare to have the streets empty. You know we don’t get this chance whenever we want.”

Celebrities. Right. Sometimes, I forget. My mind travels back to the time when I went with Baekhyun and his brother to catch a movie on a Sunday night. That will never happen again.

“Look, I don’t want to be blunt or anything, but…” Chanyeol comes even closer – close enough for me to smell his perfume. He must have emptied a bottle over his head.

“But …what?” I watch him take a deep breath and pause. The movement of his lips is subtle, but I don’t miss it. It’s like he’s carefully choosing his words but he eventually gives up after a few tries. Now that’s a sigh.

“Were you crying,” he says instead.

Is this guy serious? It does not even sound like a question. “Are you asking because you’re not sure?”

“It’s just your eyes. The skin around it, actually. It’s bugging out, kind of. You cried a lot, didn’t you?”

Bugging out, huh? When I don’t answer, he gets it. I hope he does.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I’m stupid. Call me stupid.” Now he’s frantically raising both hands in front of me as if to defend himself. The heck. I’m not going to punch him or anything.

“Damn it. Forget I asked,” he says, when I stay quiet more out of confusion than anything else. It makes him look up into the sky, muttering something that sounds very much like goddammit said over and over. He does this while he rakes at his hair with both hands and it lasts too long to be a simple show of frustration.

What now? It makes me look up too.

Just clouds. Just nothing, really.

When I glance back at him, his eyes are now screwed shut. It takes a few seconds before he finishes his deep breaths and slowly stuffs both of his hands inside the front pockets of his jeans.

Jesus, Chanyeol, quit weirding me out.

“Um, hey?”

It’s like summoning his consciousness back to earth. “Yeah, look, listen, are you uh…” He purses his lips to the side, looking thoughtful and possibly, forcing that crooked smile. “You going somewhere?”

“Yeah, Look, listen, I am going somewhere.” I almost laugh when I answer. Look? Listen? What’s he being so nervous about? He doesn’t need to hide anything – they would not stand a chance. I know that Baekhyun sent him. Cut the shit. I’ll be fine. You can enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you very much.

I wave him off. “Stop pretending, Chanyeol. You know already.”

“Yah! You don’t understand, YN. I just want to know…” He looks at me sheepishly, if not stuttering. “Is there beer in that bag?”

The drink did not even make it to my Reckless Afternoon shopping list. It makes me shake my head and sigh. “What can I say? I’m a terminal case of boring.”

What I said makes Chanyeol’s eyes grow wide. “That’s loaded. Wanna talk about it?”

Nope. So I cross my arms, fake indifference, and change the topic. “Did Baekhyun send you? Cause if you’re here to stop me, that’s his job. Not yours.”

One side of his lips rise – a sign that a smile is starting to ease in. He gets it. That topic’s off limits and he goes along with it. “Baekhyun…” he starts, tilting his head in thought. “He said that you would be here, yes. But as for coming here, that’s on my own volition.”

I’m sure. I snort. “Obviously, you wouldn’t let him force you.”

“Obviously,” he says back. And then nothing else.

He just flashes a perfect smile and stares meaningfully into my eyes making my brain short circuit. I don’t know what he means. My eyes refuse to process such sensory input.

Stop this, Chanyeol. Stop this now.

“What I’m saying is that this is Baekhyun’s job,” I explain, avoiding his gaze. “It’s not your responsibility. So why don’t you go and do your musician stuff?”

“Hmm… YN, it’s like this…”

I just know that I’m fucked whenever Chanyeol switches gears and transforms into the argumentative version of himself. “If your best friend feels responsible for you, then I feel responsible for my best friend. The line of responsibility can extend as far as it can go. I can even send my mom over here to watch over you, if you won’t let me.”

By experience, I know that I could argue for an entire afternoon. However, also by experience, I know Chanyeol to be the type to argue until much later in the morning. Long conversation short, I’m stuck in a hopeless situation. “Baekhyun’s right. There’s no reasoning with you, sometimes.”

And it’s clear to him that he’s won. That grin is him, claiming his prize. “That’s because I’m bright, people say.”

“You can’t stop me though. My mind’s set.” It’s a promise.

“Don’t worry. I won’t do that.”

I blink. Then what’s this all about?

“Leave your car here”, he says. “I’m just here to take you there.”

And my best friend’s best friend never takes never for an answer. I’m not even surprised that Chanyeol knows the way to my favourite place. That is how I end up falling asleep, smelling his strong perfume, with the sound of the road flying beneath the wheels of his car.

💙💙💙 - end -

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 8 - The Future In An Instant Seattle Washington, February 13 1988

(Andi is 18, Chris is 23)

ANDI: A couple of hours later, everyone had decided to move the party back to Andy’s place. I found the perfect spot on Andy’s couch, right in the corner where I felt the most comfortable, While Chris sat next to me sipping on his Jack Daniels. Everyone else was pretty much everywhere laughing and drinking, bringing out their guitars and what not and playing random cover tunes.

“I had no idea you lived with Andy, I’ve never seen you any time I’ve been over here with Xana,” I say taking a sip of my Jack and Coke.

“I just got back from touring with the band so you wouldn’t have… it’s actually the first time I’d been home since August,” Chris says leaning back on the couch and resting his leg across his knee.

“Oh, well… welcome home,” I smile, feeling awkward. I’m so nervous and Chris is so amazingly gorgeous that I just end up freezing up and can’t think of anything to say.

“Fuck, I can’t believe that… this is happening, I mean I remember you saying where we would meet and when but when it actually happens it’s just…wow,” Chris says flipping his curls out of his face and turning towards me more, his gorgeous blue eyes flicking over my body and then landing at mine.

“Chris?”

“I mean, it’s been so long since I saw you last. We were in my room and just hanging out and you obviously ended up, you know leaving and - ”

“Chris?”

“I just want to tell you everything - ”

“-Chris?” I interrupt, trying to get him to focus.

“Yea?” He asks, slightly worried.

“Can we just… maybe back it up a little bit and pretend that you don’t know me? Like, this is our actual first meeting… maybe?” I ask, shifting a little and pushing my curls behind my ear, feeling bad but I’m so overwhelmed that I’m doing everything that I can to not stress out and suddenly have a time slip episode with everyone around.

“Yea… yea sure, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Chris furrows his brow and looks down at himself then back to me.

“No, no it’s not that I’m uncomfortable, I mean… it’s you. What girl wouldn’t be excited that Chris Cornell is talking to her? It’s just… no one knows that I -”

“Time slip?” he takes a sip of his drink

“Yea… well you apparently know already which is seriously messing with my head a little bit but… you’re not making me uncomfortable at all,” I re-assure him as I move a little closer and a coy smile spreads across those amazing pouty lips of his.

“I actually feel quite comfortable with you… which is weird, because I’m the queen of shyness,” I giggle and he chuckles with me.

“Yea, normally I’m pretty shy myself, but with you I don’t feel that way at all,” He says with that coy smile again.

“You? Shy? I kind of don’t believe that… I mean have you seen yourself on stage?” I say and he chuckles again.

“Yea, but that’s different. Performing is a totally different experience than just being yourself in a room full of people, and I usually can’t see too far in front of the stage because of all the bright lights, so it pretty much feels like it’s just me with the guys anyways,” He explains.

“Yea, I get that… performing is kinda like that for me too, but I was never really good at getting up in front of people. When I had to audition for Seattle University to get into their music program, holy fuck, I thought I was going to throw up everywhere. But in a larger group of people I’m not as bad… it’s weird,” I say and take a sip of my drink.

“Nah it isn’t weird… it’s just how us musicians work, I guess,” He says and takes a sip of his drink. I never really thought of myself as a musician before so it almost struck me a little weird to hear that from him.

“So, you’ve seen us play before?” He asks.

“Well yes and no… I haven’t ever seen you live live, I just saw like a clip on T.V from the local station or something, they were doing a local band segment… and it was just a quick clip of you, but I picked up your EP downtown at Easy Street Records though…” I explain and take another sip.

“Really? Well… what d'ya think?” He asks a little slyly, moving just a little closer, resting his arm on the back of the couch.

“I like it. It’s got um… it’s really Sabbath sounding which I fucking love. ‘Little Joe’ is a little… um… different…” I hesitate, not quite sure how to explain it.

“It’s weird, I know,” Chris says taking the last sip of his drink and setting the empty glass on the small side table. “We were just fucking around with that song. We just wanted to break up the EP a little bit,” I take a sip. I actually like the song, it’s just that it’s so out of place on the album, but I get what he means about breaking up the album a bit.

“You um… you wanna see my room?” He asks cutely suddenly shy, looking at his Doc Marten boot, playing with the laces. I take the last sip of my drink and lean forward to set it down on the table in front of us while everyone around us continues to laugh and play.

“Sure,” I say sweetly, feeling the alcohol give me some sort of confidence that I wouldn’t otherwise have.

Man, Xana was right.

I follow behind him out of the living room and down the long hallway, his curls swaying with his movements, his boots thudding against the hardwood floor as his gorgeous 6 foot 2 frame leads the way. I glance back for a moment to see Xana giving me a wink and a smile from the chair she was sitting in with Andy. I then turn back and watch Chris as we make our way down to the end of the hallway.

Chris opens the door on the left and gestures for me to go inside first. I give him a cute smile and head inside finding on the left side of the room, his bed and a dresser, a bookshelf filled with books and a T.V and stereo combo on the opposite side. A crate of all his records on the floor beside the stereo, a chair that had a few of his clothes strewn all over, some posters of The Beatles, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd and Aerosmith and a stack of amps on the right side of the room, with his guitars - 3 to be exact - a Marten acoustic, a black Fender Strat with a white pick guard and a beautiful dark cherry burst Gibson Les Paul Standard. As you know I was immediately drawn to the guitars of course.

“Wow… Is that the 1960 model?” I ask excitedly as I walk right over to the dark cherry burst Gibson.

“Uh huh…” He says with a smile as he watches me admire it.

“I can tell just by the color… they went from that golden sun look the year before to more of a redish finish,” I explain, feeling my nerdiness for guitars coming out. I squat down as best I could in my short little mini dress, flipping my curls out of my face to get a closer look.

“I think the pickups are different too… um… can I?” I glance back at Chris who hasn’t left the door frame with the sweetest smile spread across his lips.

“Sure,” He gestures for me to go ahead. I bite my bottom lip in excitement as I situate myself on the floor - still being mindful of my dress of course - I slide off my leather jacket, setting it down beside me and carefully take his guitar off the stand and let it rest on my lap.

“Um, wait,” He says and quickly moves over to plug in the patch cord for me and flips on the amp adjusting the levels a bit. I close my eyes for a moment and then I just start to play. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was playing but I was just playing around with the E scale, improvising and just letting the sound take over. He set the gain perfectly. Just the right amount of distortion. It’s not as warm sounding as mine but it sounds amazing. After a few moments I open my eyes and see Chris sitting in front of me, still with that same sweet smile across his lips.

“Holy, what string gauge do you use?” I giggle when I stop and shake my left hand a little.

“12’s… why does it hurt?” He chuckles.

“Just a little,” I giggle and he laughs.

“Here, let me…” He says reaching out for his guitar and I pass it over to him, pushing my curls out of my eyes. He rests it across his lap, getting into the perfect position, as his curls fall down around him, he starts to play. At first it was just some random playing much like I was doing, and then it started to change.

“Oh, darling, please believe me,
I’ll never do you no harm
Believe me when I tell you
I’ll never do you no harm… Oh, darling, if you leave me
I’ll never make it alone
Believe me when I beg you
Don’t ever leave me alone…”

His voice immediately made everything inside my body flutter like butterflies. So bluesy and full of emotion that I had never heard before. I had never felt before.

“When you told me you didn’t need me anymore
Well you know I nearly broke down and cried
When you told me you didn’t need me anymore
Well you know I nearly fell down and died Oh, darling, please believe me
I’ll never let you down
Believe me when I tell you
I’ll never… do you… no harm…”

He hangs on to the last note and then stops, a for a moment. He doesn’t look at me, though I’m completely focused on him. A few seconds tick by and he flips those beautiful curls out of his face, his silver hoop earring sparkling in the soft bedroom light and flicks his eyes to me while we could hear everyone still laughing and carrying on out in the living room. He moves his Gibson off his lap and leans to set it back on the stand and just as he did so, I couldn’t resist shifting up on my knees and moving closer while he flick his eyes back to mine, cupping his clean shaven face in both my palms and placing my lips on his.

For a moment, I could tell I caught him off guard but then he slowly started to respond, placing his hands on my hips as I slowly began to suck on his full pouty bottom lip, his tongue swiping across my bottom lip and by then I needed to deepen the kiss just a little, my tongue playing with his as my heart began to race like I never thought it could. His kiss is so new and yet so familiar, like the sort of passion between 2 people that has been building up over years of knowing each other but both afraid to make the first move. I this case I was the one to make the move because I couldn’t hold back any longer. It was incredible.

Chris then shifted a little, pulling me in closer for me to straddle him as he leans back against his bed, his hands moving down my thighs and lifting up the bottom of my already short dress even higher. As nervous as I began to feel, somehow he was able to make me feel comfortable as if we had done this before. I find myself threading my fingers through his soft thick curls as his lips move hungrily with mine.

“Chris?” I breathe when I part my lips from his for a moment and he touches his forehead to mine.

“Yea,” He exhales as he closes his eyes for a moment.

“I know I said I wanted to pretend that this is our actual first meeting but, I just want to know… are we together… In your time I mean, are we together?”He lifts his forehead from mine and looks into my eyes, a gentle smile spreading across his beautiful lips as he brushes a few curls from my face.

“Yea… well we never made anything official though. You always told me that we were together in your time, but you wouldn’t really tell me too much about us. No matter how many times I tried to get you to tell me more you wouldn’t because you didn’t want to mess up any sort of timeline by telling me the future,” He explains so sweetly. In actuality, I never really believed that, I only just tried to let things happen as they did as to lead a normal life. The only time I ever felt the need to tell someone the future was if it was a life or death situation for obvious reasons.

“So um… we know each other pretty well then?” I ask closing my eyes and touching my forehead to his.

“Uh huh… You’re my best friend. I’ve been in love with you since I was 15 years old,”

“You’re in love… with me?”

He gives me that coy smile of his and I find myself pressing my lips to his once more, intensifying the kiss. It wasn’t long before he figured out the mechanics of my dress and I realize just how long he has waited for me. *****************************************************************************************

[softforcal]

Coverup : Soulmate!AU C.H

summary: Soulmates have the same matching mark/tattoo at birth. Calum has a mark and doesn’t believe in love, angst ensues 

word count: 3k

warnings: angsty slow burn stuff

special thank you to @notoriouslyhood for letting me bounce this idea off of her

---------------------------

when Calum was born, the doctors and nurses in the delivery room marvelled over the small, perfect black mark on his skin.

only half the population was lucky enough to be bestowed a mark that could identify them to their soulmate who would, in turn, have the exact same mark. 

growing up was difficult for Cal. other children always wanted to look at the beautiful design on his bicep. From an early age he always found himself looking for the same mark. it was exhausting. 

and he never found it.

he watched as the lucky few found their matching mark in another. watched the smiles and the laughter, the instant connection.

he began to hate his tattoo. opting to cover it but the hot summers in Australia made that near impossible.

Calum was 15 when he had his first love. 

his first i love you left his mouth like the most natural thing in the world and the girl reciprocated. but every time she looked at his arm her smile would falter. she broke his heart a year later, he wasn't hers. no matter how much Cal had pleaded and told her that his mark didn’t matter, she refused to stay.

Calum joined a band and distracted himself with music which generally worked, until his band began to gain popularity and he realized what being famous and having a mark would mean.

he’d heard of musicians who were openly marked. heard of the crazy fans getting the same tattoo and convincing the celebrity that they were soulmates.

Calum had lost his trust in love and in people the day the girl who promised the mark didn’t matter left and all her words became lies.

He got his first tattoo a short time later in the hopes that if he decorated himself, it would be less obvious which mark was the original soulmate tattoo.

he fell in love with the needle and would spend hours looking at different designs. meaningful designs to remind him of the true love in his life, his family.

and then he came across a piece that reminded him of his roots. a Native Headdress. 

walking into the tattoo parlour, Calum explained to the artists: “i got this tattoo a while ago and i really hate it and want is covered, do you mind putting this on top of it? would it work?”

the artist agreed and a few hours later the small star mark that had always been on his arm was gone, replaced by a beautiful piece that Calum already adored.

and life for Cal continued.

he no longer found himself looking at other peoples arms and for most of the time, Calum could forget that somewhere in the world was his soulmate.

he tried not to think about it. 

and in some ways he harboured resentment against them too. 

but he also tried not to think about that.

only a select few knew Cal’s secret and Cal preferred it that way.

his band got bigger. and bigger. and bigger.

he distracted himself with a new girl in every city, skin unblemished by the mark that had haunted Calum for years. he enjoyed the simplicity. the freedom.

Calum met you at a bonfire party in LA. wrapped in a hoodie you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. he talked with you while people danced around, drunk on life and being young and rich and famous.

sitting next to you in the sand and talking until everyone else had either fallen asleep in the sand or gone home. the sun rose and you stood to leave, Cal standing to offer you a ride. “i’d rather walk.” you responded, giving him a hug, “i’ll see you around Calum.” and then you walked down the beach, Calum watching you disappear.

weeks passed with you constantly on his mind. it was the most connection he’d had in... well... ever. But Cal refused to think it was anything more than sexual attraction and friendly interaction. after all, he didn’t believe in love.

a month later he was at a party and felt the need to grab a smoke. going outside he was shocked to find you sitting there, once more wrapped in a hoodie. you grinned when he approached, “fancy seeing you here.”

“could say the same to you.” he smiled, sitting on the lawn chair next to you, “what are you doing out here?”

“just needed some air.” you answer, watching him take out a cigaret and put it between his lips, switching on his lighter.

“this doesn’t bother you does it?” he asked, stopping.

“as long as you don’t blow it my way.” you answer.

Calum chucked, taking a long drag and blowing it the other way before turning back to look at you. you looked so cute in the oversized hoodie.

he tore his eyes from you, “so uh... JFK an inside job huh?”

and just like that the two of you began a discussion that lasted well into the early morning, covering all sorts of conspiracy theories. Calum found himself laughing more than he had in ages.

once again the two of you watched the sun rise and like a princess leaving at morning light you stood again, “i should get going.”

“let me grab your number.” he suggested, “or i could just cross my fingers and hope to bump into you at the next party.”

you laugh and give him your number, “catch you later Cal.”

and like that, you were gone again, prompting Cal to whip out another cigarette, that always seemed to help him think.

girls were always just sex. they could never be anything more because they would always leave. they’d find out about Calum’s original mark, unless he lied the entire relationship, and then, just like the first girl he’d ever loved, they would leave.

and his real soulmate? well where the fuck was she. Cal knew that the mark wasn't her fault, i mean she couldn’t just choose to not be born but part of him blamed her. no matter how unmerited the feeling of distain and resentment was, Cal couldn’t shake it.

a week later, Cal was invited to a party and messaged you to see if you were going. you say you are and agree to meet outside at around 10.

you were so perfectly situated when he finally got outside. sitting all cuddly on a deck chair, wrapped in the same hoodie Cal always saw you in, smiling at his approach. 

after a bit of back and forth you let out a sigh, “Cal i need to tell you something.”

“okay?” he laughed, already on edge from your tone.

“whatever this is... it can’t happen. i’m marked.” you explain, “and i’m waiting for whoever he is.”

“thats okay.” he answered, “i’m marked too.”

“have you found her yet?” you asked, “i mean you haven’t mentioned-”

“no. and i don’t want to.”

“what? why?” you laughed, “thats crazy!”

Calum shrugged, “just don’t really believe in the whole thing.”

“you can’t just not believe in it. you had a mark at birth!” you pointed out. 

Calum shrugged again, “my mark never brought me anything but trouble.”

“well, i’m sure that won’t be the case when you finally find her Cal.” you smiled, “she’s out there.”

“i like being alone. i’m on the road a lot.” he answered, “don’t have time for a distraction.”

“a distraction? did you seriously just call your future soulmate a distraction? wow i feel so bad for the girl.” you teased. 

“she would be a distraction!” Calum grinned.

“yeah whatever, you’re heartless.” you rolled your eyes, “hey, wanna see my mark? everyone always asks but you havent.”

“thats because i have a mark so i know how annoying it is to be asked constantly.” Calum shrugged.

“makes sense. i’m sure you’ll see it soon. it’s getting warmer. i can’t keep wearing this hoodie forever.”

“it’s a nice hoodie.”

the night continued and for a third time, you talked until the sun came up.

it almost made it easier knowing that you were marked. taken. spoken for.

and you knew what it was like to keep yourself secluded. at a distance.

it was different. Cal kept people at a distance because he hated his soulmate. you kept people at a distance because even though you had never met your soulmate, you loved him.

Cal didn’t understand it. but he respected it.

a week later Ash decided to through a big party celebrating the completion of their new album. Cal messaged you right away. he was already depending on you as a party buddy and he kind of liked that. he needed more friends. or at least, more female friends.

and you were safe. because of the mark.

of course you agreed to go. 

“so whens she coming?” Ashton asked the day of the party as Cal helped him set up.

“i dunno.” Cal answered, “she’ll be here.”

“so she’s just a friend?” Luke asked, already sipping on a beer.

“yeah she’s marked. saving herself for her soulmate that sort of thing.” Cal answered absentmindedly.

“so you actually like her?” Michael grinned, “that’s new.”

“you guy don’t know what it’s like to be marked. she does. its easy with her.” Cal shrugged.

“i think it’s a good thing. can’t wait to meet her.” Ashton grinned.

you arrived an hour into the party, Calum grinning at you as he opened the door to let you in. “you staying inside for a bit or are you going straight to the back to find a lawn chair?” Calum teased.

“i think i’ll stay inside for a bit.” you laugh.

“let me take your jacket.” Cal suggested.

“thanks.” you say, pulling the hoodie over your head and handing it to him to hang up. once it was put away he turned to look at you, eyes landing on your bicep. you noticed his gaze and grinned, “oh yeah! here’s the mark! people always say it kind of looks like a small star.”

his mouth was dry as his eyes stayed fixed on your arm. he hadn’t seen that mark in years. not since he got his own covered up. he’d almost forgotten what it looked like but there it was, clear as day. 

he could hear the blood pumping through his body. 

“Calum?” your voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“i guess it kind of looks like a star.” he agreed, “i want you to meet my friends, let me go grab them.”

he turned and left in a hurry and you looked around.

Calum found Ashton and Luke in the kitchen, “Y/N’s here and you two have to meet her but you can’t bring up her mark.”

“what why?” Luke asked.

“because it’s a small star.” Calum stated.

both of their eyes widened as they realized what that meant. “she’s your soulmate!” Ashton whisper screamed.

“did you tell her?” Luke asked.

“no and i’m not going to.” Cal answered.

Ashton opened his mouth to say something when his eyes landed on you entering the kitchen, “you must be Y/N!” he grinned, pulling you into a hug.

“and you’re Ashton and Luke?” you asked.

“that would be us.” Luke grinned, hugging you, “nice mark.”

“thanks.” you smiled.

“have you found the lucky man yet?” Luke asked, looking at you over the rim of his cup.

“nope. but i’m sure he’ll find me when the time is right. sorry, i’m kind of sappy about it, i’m a bit of a romantic.” you grinned, hiding your face with your hands.

Cal felt a twinge of guilt in his chest and frowned, “what if he’s an asshole?”

“have you ever heard about two soulmates and ones an asshole?” you laughed.

“she’s got you there mate.” Ashton laughed.

“i just think... Soulmates are kinda rare and they always work. always. and i’m hopeful, even if you aren’t Cal. i can be hopeful for both of us and when you find yours i’ll be there for you to admit she’s not just a distraction.” you grinned, poking him, “hey what’s your mark look like?”

“its on his ass.” Ashton said before Cal could make an excuse himself. 

“oh, so i guess i don’t want to see that.” you laughed.

“Cal when do you think you’ll find your soulmate?” Luke asked.

“i’m not looking.” Calum answered, grabbing a beer, “Y/N there’s a super nice pool chair outside with your name on it.”

“you sure know your way into my heart.” you teased, “nice meeting you guys.” you said before following Calum outside.

“are you sure you’ll find him? your soulmate?” Calum asked.

“i know i will. it’s fate. thats how this works.” you answered.

“and you’re sure it will work out?”

“Look Cal, if you’re worried about finding your soulmate i get it. i do. but you have to have more hope dude, she’s out there, i know it.” you smiled, nudging him gently.

once more, the guilt made Cal’s chest hurt.

this night was not like the others.

the conversation wasn't easy. Cal kept finding himself distracted. he was conflicted but he tried not to show it.

so he’d distract himself by looking at you. and that made it worse of course.

Ashton watched most of the night and he could see Calum floundering so he jumped in to talk to you as well. and so became that dynamic. 

Calum needed to be near you but he was conflicted, Ashton would act as a crutch. he would be there until Calum could walk on his own and tell you the truth and Ashton was okay with that.

the three of you were together at Calum’s place a few weeks later, Calum was cooking while you and Ash talked about them being a band. “i can’t believe you two have known each other for so long.” you smile, “i bet you guys were such cute kids.”

“i have pictures!” Ashton grinned, whipping out his phone. he opened a folder and clicked on an old picture of him and Calum in his basement, showing it to you. 

your eyes scanned the phone, “oh.” 

the sound left your mouth and Ashton frowned, “what is it?” 

“is that...” you zoomed in on the photo, “on Calum’s arm... I... uh...” 

Ashton’s heart sunk in his chest. he never really worried about the mark because he didn’t have one. 

“oh that?” Ashton asked, taking the phone back, “Calum used to love drawing all over himself-”

“Ashton please.” you said, looking into his eyes then at Calum through the window who was cooking in the kitchen, “that mark on his arm looks like mine.”

“you really have to talk to Calum.” Ashton answered with a sigh.

you stood, walking into the house and closing the door behind you. Calum grinned, “hey, food’s almost done.”

you walked past him, turning the stove off, “what are you-” Calum began but you cut him off, “shush.”

you grabbed his arm, looking at the beautiful headdress tattoo on his arm, you could barely see it but the original mark was still slightly visible. 

the small star.

“Y/N-” Calum began.

“why did you lie?” you asked, letting go of his arm, “you know how much this means to me.”

“i was scared.” Calum answers.

and you’re kind of shook because it’s a real and raw answer. 

“i never believed in the whole thing.” Calum sighed, “you know that. i told you how i felt about it. when i saw your arm at the party... i dont know... i got scared.”

you looked into his eyes, at the guilt. you wanted to be mad. you did. but you understood. ‘maybe this is the whole soulmate thing’ you realized. because looking at Cal mad all of those negative feelings disappeared.

and he could see your expression soften, “i’m really sorry, i get it if you’re mad.”

“im not. i should be. but i’m not.” you cut him off, “i understand Cal. and i get it if you don’t love me right away-”

he grabbed your face before you could finish your sentence, lips pressing against yours. you melted. the way he kissed you felt right. it felt complete. it felt like nothing you’d ever experienced in your entire life. 

when Calum pulled away, the dazed look in his eyes told you he felt the same.

“i’m really sorry. i want to make it up to you.” Calum sighed, pressing his forehead against yours.

“you just did.”

he grinned, “i haven’t believed in love in years. and you came around and part of me knew it before i even saw your mark. part of me always knew. and i do love you. it scares the shit out of me. but i do. i’m not used to being vulnerable-”

“i would never hurt you Cal.” you whispered.

“i know. i’m worried i’ll hurt you.” he sighed.

“you won’t. Cal. you just lied to me for like a month and i’m fine.” you laughed, “i mean, don’t go doing stuff you know will make me upset to see if this whole soulmate thing actually sticks because if you do that i will kick your ass.”

you both laughed as his fingers brushed against your face, “i won’t lie to you again.”

“i know.” you paused, “i can’t believe you covered your mark, i always thought the little star looked cute-”

“it looks cute on you.” Calum grinned, fingers moving down to trace the mark.

you smiled up at him, “so are you going to change my contact name on your phone to ‘distraction’ now or what?”