#I usually have a fiction on the go for travel but haven't started a new one yet

[theinstagrahame]

It's a bad day, and I've been dragging my heels on this. But, I got a bunch of neat new TTRPG stuff in October, so here's what landed in my mailbox.

Break!! - A few years ago, I stumbled on some art on Twitter. It was fun, it was vibrant, and it felt inviting. I wanted to know more, looked into the artist, and discovered it was spot art for an upcoming RPG called Break!! So, I kept an eye on it. The book is beautiful, well laid-out, and really cool, so maybe one good thing came from Twitter*.

The Electric State - Tales from the Loop and Things from the Flood have been pretty high on my "To Play" lists for years. A follow-up, set in a similar (or the same?) world was kind of an instant pickup. Not as interested in the movie, but the game seems pretty rad.

The Geologist's Primer - I picked up the Herbalist's Primer when it came out, and was really impressed with the quality and care that went into it, so when I saw "That but for rocks" was in the works, I was definitely already in. Also excited for the follow up "Mushrooms next time".

Starkhollow Hall - I accidentally fell into a Gothic Fiction kick over Spooky Month, so the timing of this was perfect. I don't know a ton about the GUMSHOE system, but I do feel like what I know about it makes it a perfect fit for the genre. Gothic heroines (and I guess heroes) are at their best when they know there's a dangerous mystery at the heart of what's happening around them, and go looking for it anyway.

Forsaken - Kyle Tam is, honestly, a designer to watch. I picked this up because it was part of an Afterthought Committee project, which is a team I've also really enjoyed work from (my game Water Landing is built off of their game Cast Away). Does a better job of establishing a sort of grimdark/Soulsbourne vibe than some stuff that explicitly tries to.

Iron Edda Reforged - The pitch for this caught me immediately: Cyberpunk Norse Mythology. Tracy Barnett is another Designer to Watch, and I really like all of their stuff--haven't played the original Iron Edda, but have heard it on Party of One and really dug it. Was really hyped to see this come into being.

Electrum Archive v2 - I went through a Weird Sci-Fi phase this year, and the original Electrum Archive was an early pick for it. I really loved the world, the way each class worked differently, and the magic/currency/MacGuffin that it used. Obviously I wanted more, because the second book is here.

Alice is Missing - Silent Falls - My friends and I have been talking about the prospect of another Alice is Missing game since playing the first one about two years ago. It was a really memorable experience, partly due to the game's really compelling design, and to some of the in-moment decisions we made (I played the facilitator character, who starts the game having returned after a long absence, and another player immediately got pissed at them for sorta abandoning the group. it created an interesting play dynamic for the whole session)

Kill Him Faster - I picked up a previous Kovidae Games book as a lark: a collection of exercise-based RPGs. I nearly ignored their other stuff, but this had a pretty compelling pitch: What if time-travel was invented mostly so people could speedrun murdering Hitler. Since Eat the Reich came out, I've thought a bit about Hitler Revenge Fantasy as a genre, and honestly, I'm kinda into it. He was a loser, and deserves to be reduced to a video game villain and killed over and over again; so, yeah. Let's kill him faster next time.

Splat (issue 5) - I'm not usually one for essays and interviews, but this is a zine featuring and by some folks I really like and respect, and this one is packed with thoughts about the state of the indie TTRPG scene and industry from a diverse and immensely talented group. It's honestly a must-read.

(Already getting a few things for the next edition, but also feeling too garbage after the Clusterfuck Election to think about doing anything else today...)

---

footnote: * Technically, two good things came from Twitter. I also once expressed sorrow that I'd missed out on a limited T-shirt from a web comic artist that said "Sorry, Glenn, the only Beck I listen to has two turntables and a microphone", and the creator saw it and had an extra in my size.

[the-fabled-void]

Give you a fandom phenomenon? Uhhhhh how about the fact that people overcorrected with Sans and his edgy 2016 characterization and instead had him...not care over anything, including Papyrus' death. I'd be mad at it but honestly I can't help but imagine people cringing so hard at their 2016 characterization that they went in the complete opposite direction and it's so funny

Oh yeah it's a very interesting phenomenon for sure! It's extra noticable with Sans due to how popular he is. As for you mentioning people cringing at their past interpretations - that's probably a part of it. People who joined the fandom as angsty preteens are now young adults with different views.

Not to mention, especially the AU fans, but also a lot of others spent a huge amount of time in fanon echo chambers (cough cough, evil Chara effect) instead of interacting with the source material. The fandom being a video game you can only play a few times before it feels repetitive probably doesn't help.

So, there are the old fans. But mainly in 2020, other people have also joined. And unlike the old ones, they just started interacting with the game. It's still fresh in their mind.

... And 2020 led to a lot of people who are new to fandom joining fandoms without knowing proper fandom etiquette. Those people that comment on noncanon ship posts to complain about the fact that it's not canon, and neglect to ignore that fandoms are about fun.

By trying to make him more 'canon' people basically just make him fanon in the complete opposite direction. I also feel like people saw what they did back then by making him so depressed, not just from his brother's death in a no mercy, but also just in general. Usually from a knowledge of resets.

One thing that I haven't noticed a change in is interestingly enough is how people treat his knowledge. Which is way less than people make it. He knows there's a possibility and that the human is connected to it. Hell, he tests if Frisk is a time traveler by giving them a silly password because he doesn't know for sure.

Not that I'm criticizing stories that give him more awareness. The fact that there's so many just means it has great potential. Aftertale is probably my favorite example of that. Geno is such a cool character and the nightmares are a creative way of handling it. 4th wall breaking is probably my favorite phenomenon in all of fiction.

Recently, people have started exploring the idea of other characters having that awareness. I mean, Flowey is canonically aware, and is a mere millimeter away from grasping his world's nature as a video game. He's already treated it as one himself. So, UT!Dusttale was born.

A lot of AU Sanses have that baked into their very character, so I get why people wouldn't touch that (though, it would be extremely interesting to figure out how Dusttale or Something New would work if it was just a deja vu feeling)

I am totally not biased to say I would love a take involving Chara. Pretty sure No More Deals is a similar thing. And you specifically know exactly the details I've thought of for Storyshift: Elevation :)

Oh, and another aspect of the overcorrection thing: AUs.

Back then you could just read up on the concept of an AU Sans and put him somewhere and nobody would give a shit about mischaracterization. Which, you know, isn't perfect but I have to admit it was really fun to do.

Nowdays you compare Dreamtale to Celestia and Luna ONCE in a Discord server to make a bad joke and all hell breaks loose. I get wanting to respect creators more than we did back then, but we have to remember that AUs are just as fanon as 'Don't curse around my bro' Sans.

The creators' words are not gospel.

As much as I love Toby, his words aren't gospel either.

People are allowed to have their own takes, their own opinions. I am never going to police anyone's takes on fandom shit. But one important thing to note is: people can have their own takes, but people should also aknowledge what's their own take and what's the creator's original vision.

[copperbadge]

One of the things I used to do when I was having creative difficulties was to declare a moratorium on creation -- say to myself, "Well, you're blocked or frustrated with everything. Maybe no more writing for the rest of the month," and then no matter what, I would commit to doing no more writing until the set date. I was just giving myself permission to take a little space without guilt, but once I'm not allowed to create, I tend to want to, so it's often been not just restful but rejuvenating. I have other coping methods that I've built, so I haven't had to do it in a long time, but apparently it still works.

The last two weeks have been a lot of travel, socializing and work, and I haven't had a ton of time or space to myself. It's been for good reasons, and overall very positive, but I've done essentially no fiction writing, especially since before that I was getting Royals/Ramblers out the door and pulling the Omnibus V2 together. But this morning I sat down before the day really began and realized I did actually want to write. I didn't get to actually do much because R and baby U woke up and I wanted to cook breakfast and hang out with them, but at least I wanted to write, and had a vague idea of how to attack it.

Life keeps feeling unreal -- I keep thinking something's profoundly off, and then realizing yeah, I've been putting my entire normal existence on hold for weeks on end. Even when I've been in Chicago I've been sick and work's had some unusual challenges, and there have been a few novel personal life events. A lot of what I have done has also been laced with an anxiety I don't normally have to deal with, for one reason or another.

Tomorrow are the last few hurdles -- I have to get to the airport and I have a non-direct flight to Chicago for the first time in over a decade, which are always stressful. Once I'm home, it's just the usual travel recovery: laundry, cooking, reassuring kitties. I have to get through the rest of the week's work, but at least there's nothing too intensive. The weekend is mainly free, though I'm going to try and see if I can see a few people socially and do some shopping for a party I'm throwing the following weekend.

It does feel like the hits keep coming, like this hectic pace is just my life now, but I know that I'll be home, with time and resources I haven't had in a while, and things will slowly ease up. I was telling myself I had to hold on until April 10th, and really it's going to be more like the end of April before silence truly descends, but at least after tomorrow I'll have time to write and finally the motivation as well.

I do feel sometimes like there was a "normal" that I had established which started slowly vanishing after the ADHD diagnosis, and I'm not sure I'm equipped to build a new one in the same way. That said, I'm sure I'll settle back into a groove once I'm sleeping in my own bed for more than two nights running.

It feels like the space I had carved in the world for myself now doesn't quite fit me anymore. It's a neutral kind of sensation -- not comfortable, but not painful, and equally not very productive. But it's not like I evaporate if I don't figure it out immediately, I suppose.

[soothinglee]

even if my heart stops beating⏤✰

seungmin x reader | 1.6k✔︎

my notes⎯ hello everyone ! I know it's been a while since I've actually wrote something ! I actually got hit by a bus! yeah I had to sue this company called "writers block" and I finally got a settlement! (also happy new year!) I recently (like a week ago) got into Kpop, specifically Stray Kids ! I've read some fan fictions (shameless) about some of my favorites and got inspo to write one! thank you @soobnny . also I haven't wrote anything in a while so i'm a little rusty, i'll be as good as new soon!

warning⎯ mentions of vomit (used as word vomit) and crying.

genre⎯ angst to comfort.✔︎

songs⎯ six feet under; billie eilish | pretty boy; the neighborhood

the old rusted clock that came with the condo you and seungmin bought sits perched on the top of the fridge. Its old, wooden frame slowly caves in on itself as time goes on.

not even an hour or two ago you had happily entered your home to start cooking dinner, not even worrying about showering first because you were so excited to have dinner with your boyfriend.

even going out of your way to spend a hundred dollars over the amount you usually spend to give seungmin the greatest 'welcome home' feast. he and the rest of stray kids had been on tour for the last couple months, traveling all over the world to perform at concerts and do collaborations with other idols to promote their new albums.

sure, it had been lonely, being by yourself all of the time, the only glimpse of your boyfriend you could get is when he could facetime you for 2 minutes or when he responded back to a text 4 hours later. but you understood, you knew what you were getting yourself into even when you started becoming friends with him.

if anything, you were strong, understanding, and flexible to when he couldn't make it to something like a movie night or date when his plane arrives later or practice runs over.

the only thing now, is that he had promised you that he could make it on time to dinner. sending countless 'I swear ill be there' texts and swift calls ensuring his presences at the dinner table during his dance rehearsals.

but now you were sitting at the table alone. a cold jajangmyeon sits in the platter in front of you, a similar on across the table from you. looking up at that old clock the hour turns to 10 and he's officially 2 hours late. it wasn't unknown for him to run a little over his time but this was unbelievable. you curse yourself for being naive and truly thinking he would keep to his word.

as you get up and clean the meal that you created you feel a little piece inside of you break, watching your hard work spill into the leftover containers like your tears. this was embarrassing, waiting around like a puppy in hopes your owner comes home. you were loyal and hopeful to a fault but wasting time and money like this was just unacceptable.

by the time seungmin walked through the front door it was half pass midnight and you had situated yourself infront of the t.v watching a new drama a colleague from work recommended.

"(name)." he calls out, you hear his shoes hit the wall as he takes them off, and then theres a shuffle as he organizes them on the shoe rack. you hear him leave his keys in the bowl on the desk that was by the front door, his footsteps growing louder as he nears the living room.

"(name)." he calls out again, seeing you lay in a cocoon of blankets in the dark, he think maybe you're sleeping so he quietly discards his winter coat on the back of the couch. he flicks on the lamp on the other side of the couch to bring in some light. though when he comes around to sit down he finds your eyes wide open, "why didn't you answer me when I called?"

"why didn't you come on time like you promised?" you quipped back quietly, suddenly too exhausted to have any conversation with him. you try and sink further into the thick blanket as you watch the Netflix symbol load and the next episodes intro plays.

you can't see his face but when he sighs and shifts in his spot you can hear the hesitance, "you already know why, practice ran late, like always."

"whatever."

"'whatever?' what's going on with you?"

"nothing." your tone is snipped but honestly you couldn't care less. somewhere in your soul you feel as though this might be a little extreme of an reaction but there is only so much patience you can give one person. you constantly make time for him and this relationship, so why couldn't he move things around and do the same for you? your eyes remain on the television.

seungmins eyes dart quickly to the t.v and then back to you, noticing that your full attention isn't on him, so he leans over you and goes to grab the remote from your hands. at the sudden loss of contact you make a move to try and get the remote back from him but he effectively powers down the t.v and discards in on the coffee table.

"I'll only repeat myself so many times, what's going on?"

it was like a newfound energy fizzled at your toes and pushed itself up and towards your head, your body springs up from its sideways position and you angle yourself to face seungmin.

though the light was somewhat dim due to only the lamp being on, he could see the red-rim of your eyes and the dried streaks of tears sticking to your cheeks. obviously, it had been evident that you had been crying.

seungmins eyes soften for a moment, he reaches out to try and smooth out the puffiness of your cheeks but as soon as you see his hand coming you push it away, "you were crying?" it comes out more of a statement than a concerned question, but the worry was still evident in his tone.

"duh," you start, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the tense space, you find comfort in the carpet on the ground. you were feeling...nervous. you didn't want to cause anymore problems but things won't get solved unless they are discussed, which in all honesty, the thought of confrontation in the first place is feared.

you need to get it out, you can't stop living like this. deep down you know he cares but you have to stop going off of assumptions. either he's going to show up or not, it was clear already that you showed up no matter how busy you were.

"do you even still love me?"

the question tumbles from your lips before you could even process what you were saying. maybe it wasn't what you wanted to convey exactly but it was definitely a start.

"what?" his airy voice sounds dumbfounded which makes sense. the intense look you're giving him plus the profound, out-of-the-blue question throws him off guard.

of course he loves you, why would you ever think anything different? "where is this coming from?"

"well it's just that every time we have something planned your work gets in the way. I spend hours and hours getting ready, trying to look my best, just to waste the day sitting on the couch waiting for you to come home. sometimes I'm waiting so long I fall asleep! I put so much effort into being a good girlfriend! hell, I even spent over 100 dollars on dinner tonight because I knew you had a hectic day, it took me two hours to make it just for it to go cold and put into a container,"

your voice chokes up, full of exhaustion and disappointment. you feel the tears pooling in your eyes but have no energy to stop them. you really want to quit the word vomit but there's no point, theres more to be said.

"I try so hard to not get disheartened but it gets so hard when you don't even try. sometimes I feel like you don't even care about this relationship anymore, like you don't care about m-"

just as you were about to finish your words were muffled by hands on your face, and lips on yours. seungmin had kissed you to stop your rambling. you couldn't help but to feel relieved and somewhat offended.

"stop." he whispers as he takes a breath, his hands still on your face, foreheads connecting, "please stop." his voice crack under pressure, its subtle but at the lack of distance between you two you can hear it so well. your eyes are closed, trying to get your own tears at bay but hearing how emotional he's becoming breaks you. a sob teeters at your bottom lip but you force it still.

"don't you ever think that I don't care. I always have." he pauses and wipes the stray tears on your face with his thumbs, "I'm so sorry I've made you feel like this. god I'm such a bad boyfriend, this is my fault."

you try to move away to comfort him but he holds you in place gently, you sniffle and reach up to brush the bangs from his face.

"I promise you I'll be more attentive, ill take you out everyday, spend as much time with you, cook for you, miss practices all the time just to make sure you know I care about you."

"you promised earlier but you didn't come!" you cry, recounting how long you waited.

"I know!" his voice quivers as his hands tremble, lightly shaking your head, "I know...and i'll never forgive myself. you don't know how much you've shaped me into the person I am now and I- I have no clue what I would do without you. I just have a poor way of showing it."

you grip on his wrists, mimicking him with your eyes squeezed shut, you stopped trying to keep the tears in awhile ago, letting them fall freely into your covered lap. "how do I know I can trust you? I'm so sick of feeling like this."

"I promise you I will prioritize you more than anything, Idol life, dancing, singing- whatever, does not come before you. I won't leave you hanging like this anymore, i'm sorry I didn't pay more close attention to your feelings," his bottom lips shakes as he takes another deep breath, he opens his eyes and you can see pass the tears and sorrow a new found determination.

"even if my heart stops beating, you're the only one I need."

past your wary judgement...you believe him...

[asgardian--angels]

Thanks for the tag @droids-in-disguise I miss doing these!!

Last songs: let's see at the gym I was just listening to my favorite Finntroll album, Nifelvind. Also just in general the past month I've been listening to the Arcane soundtrack, esp The Line, Ashes and Blood, Spin the Wheel...yknow, things that make me cry

Favorite color: midnight blue, if that's what you call it. that gloaming turquoise-blue when it's not quite full night yet.

Last books: I haven't had time to read many new books but in the last few months I read 'The Triumph of Seeds' by Thor Hanson (science nonfiction), and reread The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice (fiction)

Last movie: jfc what was the last film I watched?? oh, I guess it was when I rewatched Nope after getting it on bluray for Christmas.

Last TV show: Arcane. hence the jayvik takeover

Sweet/savory/spicy: i have a sweet tooth like nobody's business. anything but spicy really my spice tolerance is so low it's in the ground

A beautiful relationship in my life right now: ...... :/ idk really. my mom, I guess. She's the person I'm closest to in my life, we're best friends. but I don't really have much else.

Last thing I looked up: searching North American species of the crabronid wasp genus Oxybelus to try and ID this tough little fucker I photographed last summer and it still has me stumped. They gotta work on getting specimen photos of all species so I can compare scutellum and axillae maculations!!

Looking forward to: next week I'm seeing Chris Fleming with my friends in Boston, I have tickets with another friend to see Korn & System of a Down perform together in NJ this August which will be insaneeee, uhhh.... I'm looking forward to continuing to write this (turning into a pretty long) jayvik fic that I've been working on the past month, as always I am looking forward to the end of winter when the bugs will start coming out again (as an entomologist, this is what I wait for!) and the chance to find more rare bees this year. Hopefully more travel - my friend and I are planning a trip in the near-ish future to New Zealand, and if I'm accepted into a field course I applied to I'll get to catch bees in Arizona for 10 days.

Current obsessions: jayvik. jayvik? jayvik. it's taken over my brain 24/7 to the point I've barely gotten any work done the past like, month and a half lmao. Also, I start the year off competing hard for the #1 spot in my county for birding (birding can be competitive if you let it....you can rank by number of species seen in a county, state, country, even specific location). Year rankings reset Jan 1, so everyone's off to the races. Last year I held the #1 spot for a month (I eventually lose out to the retired folks who can just. go hard), I've been stuck at #2 for a couple weeks now because it's a colder winter and some of my half-hardies I can usually get (hermit thrush, field sparrow, turkey vulture) don't seem to be around and it's not a winter finch irruption year so the siskins, redpolls, purple finches, and red-breasted nuthatches are all but absent. Haven't been able to track down a bald eagle which is so silly because I live on a major river and they're always around. Never have I been so happy to find a ring-billed gull to make species #46 for the year.

I'll tag some cool people on here: @hawkpartys @4amarcanethoughts @hexcoreviktor

[plutodetective]

Something that I noticed about Jonathan and Mina so far is that they haven't even talked to each other in the story, but they are already in an established relationship. So there is no getting to know each other, development of their relationship in stages up to proposing. So it doesn't classify as a romance, but they do things that show desire to reunite (ike Mina saying she can't wait and that one day she may give her new travel journal to him to share with)

I think that does still classify as a romance, just not a very traditional one, in terms of literary conventions (trust JonMina to not be traditional even when it comes to that. I love them, your honor.) I wish there were more fictional romances that focused on the post-getting-together part, in the commitment, the challenges that go beyond "will they or won't they?" I absolutely love how we can see how in love and devoted to each other these two are, without even seeing them interacting. I have a friend who's a first time reader, and she said she can't remember the last time she felt this invested in the main romance in a classic book, and she hasn't even seen them together! I love that they already know each other, have known each other for years, and even though they're so young, this is a more "mature" romance than we usually see depicted in media, in the sense that the relationship itself has lasted for longer and faced more challenges than we usually see in romances that only cover the beginning of the relationship.

(Sorry for talking about my own book here, but I'm writing an original series with a sapphic main couple that investigates mysteries together. The other day I was in a zoom call with a woman who runs a sapphic book club, and when I said that my series does start with them meeting, but that it covers decades of their lives and ends when they have a son in college, she was so excited, because there's nearly no sapphic romance that goes beyond those early stages. And I don't think that's exclusive to sapphic fiction. We need more romances that cover life after the early getting to know each other period, and has challenges like "working to earn enough money to get married" and "planning how to be married and also business partners", and I love JonMina for having been that so early on.)

[pandoramsbox]

Science Fiction Saturdays

Friday nights in for my partner and I usually involve pizza and a special effects laden (possibly junky) movie. During the shelter-in-place era of the Pandemic, we fell into going through curated series, rather than random picks. We went through Criterion's Godzilla Showa Era boxed set (plus the American and recent films featuring the kaiju icon), the filmographies of Guillermo del Toro and Edgar Wright, King Kong (Dir. Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1933) and its sequels and remakes, and then the Fast & the Furious franchise.

In trying to figure out "what next?" in mid-2021, conversations about re-watching favorite films and contemporary movies we missed merged into a "what if we go through the history of cinematic sci-fi?"

For reasons of access and time, going through every science fiction film is an impossibility. So--film school alumni that we are--we have elected to do a survey approach, and go chronologically through key, influential, beloved and/or representative works of the genre.

Still, that covers a lot of ground, so here's the criteria we're using for selecting titles:

1. Must be of the science fiction genre. "Science Fiction" for our purposes is defined as a work focusing on a vision of the future, humanity's relationship with technology, new/experimental scientific or technological advancements, space travel, and/or extraterrestrial beings. Some films were omitted for being more rooted in fantasy, or because they're based on historic events in human space exploration. For the most part, we are sticking to feature films, but shorts, serials and select television episodes are going to be in the mix.

2. The work needs to be accessible. Specifically, it needs to be available on a contemporary home video format, in a transfer of adequate visual and audio quality, and intelligible for someone with English language fluency.

3. Sequels/prequels/remakes require justification, and/or must be iconic in their own right. This qualification came up whilst contending with the fact that we own every film in multiple sci-fi franchises. Do we really need to watch ALL the Terminator and Star Trek movies for this series? No.

Based on past precedent, my partner asked me if I was going to blog about this viewing series. I was on the fence because I haven't regularly blogged about cinema in a few years, mostly due to life events turning me off of doing so. Not wanting to repeat the stress around posting daily, if I was to do it, I wanted to accumulate enough posts to be ahead a few weeks at a time.

Well, we've been at this project for over two years now, and we've watched over 100 films. I think I am overdue to start blogging.

Henceforth, every Saturday, I am going to post about our journey through sci-fi cinema. Hope you enjoy!

[anewstartfanfic]

does A New Start still have things like the real world like brands(gucci, channel, dior), music(ariana grande, shawn mendas, enhypen), celebrities(kim kardashian, zendaya),places, restuaraunts, etc...

Yes and no, I'm trying to make this modern but also keeping to the source material like, yes there's cell phones but also den den mushi, singers...it's going to be weird to put real world singers into this so I usually use anime or fictional singers but to not drive myself crazy, the old world composers like Beethoven and Chopin still existed but a LONG time ago. Brands exist but also the world's exclusive brands that I'll probably just make up XD I haven't decided with fast food yet because I kind of incorporate a lot of other culture equivalents like instead of fast food restaurants about, there's yatai carts about that sells cheap food and vending machines but also cafes and things for sit down places. open air markets and such but there's also movie theaters and things like that. Also, there's going to be a lack of cars depending on the region I took a lot of inspiration from Kino's journey where people choose to be travelers rather than pirates and those who don't want to do either just use train or ferry and ferrymen and conductors are the most bamf in the New Start world because their jobs are to protect passengers from pirates, Marines, and the like. They won't hesitate.

[gravitasmalfunction]

Hi how are you! I'm super curious about what books you like to read and some recent faves maybe? (I'm totally not just trying to get recs)

Ah! I am flattered and also so sorry in advance (insert the "oh good, you will regret this" meme here).

I haven't been reading much lately, because cdramas, but I will claim Vanessa Len's debut Only a Monster and its sequel in the in-progress series, Never a Hero, as my most recent faves. It's got urban fantasy, time travel, parallel world sort of stuff going on with a young adult/coming of age, finding and reconciling oneself as a product of two very different cultures, sort of story. It's clever and emotional and romantic and exciting and tragic and basically I loved it. I can't wait for the next one.

Cut to spare the unwilling from scrolling-induced RSI:

My Libby app also reminds me that I enjoyed Lex Croucher's most recent historical romance, Trouble, very much, along with the earlier ones, Infamous and Reputation. Croucher is funny and I like her approach to addressing the social justice issues inherent to the genre and setting of the (nominally) regency romance. My favourite regencies are funny - see also Faro's Daughter, The Corinthian and Sylvester by Georgette Heyer. Amanda Quick's regencies are also usually good for this, too.

I have only read three Kylie Chan books (martial arts fantasy) but I ate them up with a spoon and also was mad at myself for not realising sooner that it's a series of serieses, but I read all of Earth to Hell, Hell to Heaven and Heaven to Wudang in three days straight. There's at least one series before that one and at least another one after, but it was perfectly enjoyable from where I started except now I know spoilers for the earlier books. But that's a me problem.

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir - a recent enough fave and a rec, if you like your orphans traumatised, your sci-fi magical and your world-building drip fed by a capable and merciless author. If you don't entirely hate it on first read you have much enjoyment coming on second and third reads. The series is not yet finished but there is already several lifetimes of fanworks to tide us over until the next book(s) come out.

Some older faves, in no particular order:

Martha Wells' standalone fantasy novels, and her Ill-Rien novels. The Wheel of the Infinite and The City of Bones are very enjoyable standalones. And The Element of Fire is just *chef's kiss* if you're an enjoyer of angry, feral young women characters and hot, competent men with swords who can actually take directions.

Douglas Adams' everything, and most especially the Dirk Gently books.

Tom Robbins. How to explain Tom Robbins. The universe said to itself sometime in the early 20th century, let's make an American guy who can write women because he genuinely respects and loves them, and he will also write the goofiest, weirdest, most high-concept, new-age, sexual, gross, magical realist fiction the Pacific North-West in the 1970s and 80s will ever produce. Still Life With Woodpecker is essentially a journal of the author's experience with his new typewriter inserted into the body of his latest novel, a modern fairytale involving environmentalism and pyramids. Jitterbug Perfume is a historical fantastical epic about sex, immortality, beets and fragrance, amongst other things. Half Asleep In Frog Pyjamas is about a stockbroker and a psychic and frogs, among other things.

And to finish, I will rec Iain M Banks. The Algebraist is a standalone sci-fi novel and if you like it, you will almost certainly like the Culture series. The Culture series doesn't have to be read in publication order, or even in-universe chronological order; each book is standalone in its own right, but some reference in-universe historical events that are the subject of one or more of the other books. For first-time readers, I would recommend The Player of Games to start with. As well as being a fun story, I think it's a good introduction to the concept of the Culture, and if you enjoy the themes and motifs etc you will see them again in other Culture books. In no particular order, some of my faves are Excession, Inversions, Surface Detail, The Hydrogen Sonata, and Matter.

If you like any of these in particular, let me know, and I can dig around for some more recs like them!

Happy reading!

[ebonysolcum]

what's the origin of your blog title?

Honestly, couldn't tell you. Clearly, I was bored.

otp(s) / shipname(s):

Janeway/Chakotay

Picard/Crusher

The Doctor/River Song

Newt Scamander/Tina Goldstein (I haven't interacted with these two in a while, but I have to mention them because they got me started writing fan fiction, so I'll always have a soft spot for them.)

favorite color:

I say green, but honestly, it's purple. My phone case is purple, my iPad case is purple, my bedspread is purple, I stitch my jean jacket up with purple thread ... I honestly like every colour though. I love wearing orange, even though I don't like the colour. It's weird.

song stuck in your head:

Thankfully, none at the moment. I'm not gonna mention the songs I usually have stuck in my head because then they'll be back.

weirdest habit/trait:

Huh. I don't know. I'm a weird person, but I can't think of anything at the moment. When I was in high school, I had a habit of meowing randomly but I don't really do that anymore.

hobbies:

I love writing and drawing, obviously. I also enjoy doing lots of artsy/crafty things. Every now and then I get back into friendship bracelet making. (I started making ones based on my favourite characters. I've got designs for every Star Trek woman, but I don't have access to the floss I need to make them.) I also love reading, particularly Agatha Christie mysteries, but I don't do it nearly enough these days. And I love a good puzzle (jigsaw puzzle, 3D puzzle, any kind of puzzle).

if you work, what's your profession?

I graduated from college last May with no idea what I was gonna do next. It was decided I was going to go back home, but my parents didn't want me just sitting around. They're both teachers at a school, and my dad was recently made principal, so he decided I should help out at the elementary. Somehow, that went from 'helping' to teaching, so I now teach several classes for grades 1-4. I also help my mum with freshman grammar. Will I be doing this next year? Who knows. My dependency pass expires later this year and I'm too old for a new one. Hopefully, something can be worked out, but I don't think anyone's begun looking into options yet ...

if you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

Honestly, I'd just like to keep this job. Lol. No, but I think I'd love to just write, though that's a bit hard when I haven't come up with any original ideas ... Dream job is something I can do on my own time with minimal interaction with others.

something you're good at:

Drawing. As in pencil drawings with no colour. Anything else is not my area of expertise.

something you hate:

My inability to interact with others. I love talking to people, but I am incapable of initiating a conversation (both irl and online). However, once the conversation has started, I don't shut up.

something you collect:

Enamel pins. I started a few years ago. I try to get one from all the places I travel, if they have any. I've also got a bunch of nerdy ones (most of which are on my jean jacket). I also like collecting nice copies of books. I've got a gorgeous red leather(maybe)-bound copy of Les Mis with a map of Paris in gold on the back. I recently got a massive, annotated copy of all of Shakespeare's work to make of for the fact that I left my other gorgeous copy in the Staes. Last summer I also found a beautiful hardcover copy of Pride and Prejudice. Also select Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Harry Potter merch. (I'm not even really that into Harry Potter, I just really like some of the things I've found.)

something you forget:

Does everything count? I can lose my glasses while I'm looking through them. I'm also atrocious at names, and I'm not much better with faces.

what's your love language:

Probably physical touch and gift-giving.

favorite movie/show:

Star Trek (particularly Voyager), Doctor Who, several old shows/sitcoms/movies. (I went through a Dick Van Dyke Show phase and a Wonder Woman phase. I love Murder She Wrote, and pretty much every black and white film I've seen.)

favorite food:

This one's hard. My favourite is probably Ethiopian food. (It's so good.) I also love Indian food and mac & cheese.

favorite animal:

Cat. I'm basic. We keep collecting strays. Right now we've got 4 boys, but we had 7 cats at one time once.

what were you like as a child?

Fairly quiet. I loved reading. I loved it so much I got punished for reading instead of doing my work. I loved being outside. I wasn't that adventurous, but I had a much more adventurous friend and managed to keep up with her. When I was a little older, I spent most of my time with either people younger than me or adults. I also wasn't very good at sitting myself down to do my work. (Turns out there was a reason for that ...)

favorite subject at school:

English and history, which is why I studied those in college. I also enjoy math because it's like puzzle, but I haven't done it in five years, so I don't remember how to solve it.

least favorite subject:

Science. Labs terrified me. Also, I just didn't really get it.

what's your best character trait:

I'm not sure. I suppose I'm very loyal. I'm not great at doing things, but I can be very stubborn, and that can help get things done in the long run. (For example, I recently summited Mt. Kenya purely because my dad thought I wasn't going to be able to. (I'd done very badly on the last prep-hike because I'd been sick the week before.) There were so many times I wanted to quit, and it was pure stubornness that kept me going.)

what's your worst character trait:

I'm stubborn. I get stuck in one way of thinking and I can't change. If I've said I'm not going to do something for some petty reason, it's very hard for me to change my mind, no matter how much I want to. It's very hard for me to admit I'm wrong.

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?

I'd love to know for a fact I can continue working here next year. Also, I'd love to be caught up with all my grading because I am so far behind it's not even funny, and it just keeps piling up.

if you could travel in time, who would you want to meet?

I don't really know. I've talked about this with a friend a few times, but I really don't even know when/where I'd like to go.

Anyway, thanks for the tag @captainjanewaysdqvoyagercore!

I hate tagging people, so I'm just gonna say @insanewaykathy and @thresholdbb, but feel free to ignore me. I would have also tagged @bizships, but you've already done it! Also, anyone who wants to should do it!

✨️Get to Know Your Mutuals✨️

what’s the origin of your blog title?

I fell in love with Star Trek: Voyager in fall/winter 2023 after missing most of the original run as a teenager in the mid/late 90s. I had recently moved away from all my friends and family for a promising career move. Captain Janeway turned out to be just the role model I needed in my 40s. The title started with a Facebook fan page. All other versions of Janeway-core or Voyager-core were pretty much taken, so it took a longer form, Captain Janeway's Delta Quadrant Voyager-Core. I've used that for all the fan accounts I've made on different platforms.

otp(s) + shipname(s):

Janeway/Chakotay

Seven of Nine/Raffi

The Doctor/River Song

Garashir

favorite color:

I tend to like deep blues and greens- emerald, deep turquoise, teal, etc. This time of year, I also love pastels. I don't really have one favorite, though.

song stuck in your head:

Almost every video I've posted on TikTok came from having a song stuck in my head that I needed to get out. It varies from day to day.

weirdest habit/trait:

I've always been weird. Not sure what my weirdest is. I do think it's neat that I can look at a color and mix paint to match it. It's helpful in scenic painting. I can make up song lyrics on the spot if I forget what I'm singing as I perform, lol.

hobbies:

My hobbies and my career overlap. I love to sing, dance, act, direct, etc. I also created several social media fan accounts over the past few months- including this blog- and I've found I really enjoy making memes, video edits, meeting fellow fans online and at cons, etc.

if you work, what’s your profession?

I'm a Professor of Theatre

if you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

I'd love to be able to travel for a living and perform more. I'd also like to run a small theatre and repertory company.

something you’re good at:

I'm a good cook and excellent baker. I sing well. I'm good at analyzing plays as a director and actor.

something you hate:

Cruelty, bigotry, and indifference to the first two. Conformity. Closed-mindedness.

something you collect:

Funko Pops, any Star Trek and Doctor Who merch I love, cookbooks, rescue dogs

something you forget:

Anything not attached to my body. I have some sort of out of sight out of mind neurodivergence. Names. Sometimes my lines or lyrics, lol.

what’s your love language:

Finding the perfect gifts for people. Food.

favorite movie/show:

Anything Star Trek, Doctor Who, The Mandalorian, Outlander, old Murder, She Wrote and Columbo reruns, predictable Hallmark Movies, Ted Lasso

I like too many movies to list, lol.

favorite food:

Tiramisu, Vietnamese coffee, and Mac and Cheese

favorite animal:

Little dogs like Chihuahuas, crows, manatees, squirrels

what were you like as a child:

As a small child, introverted, sickly, loved reading. As a teen, more outgoing as I got active in theatre- an extroverted introvert

favorite subject at school:

Theatre, choir, English

least favorite subject:

Math, chemistry

what’s your best character trait?

I try very hard to be kind, I genuinely care about and empathize with others. I'm curious. I'm very tidy, lol.

what’s your worst character trait?

I have a temper. I can yell, slam doors, etc, when it kicks in. I try very hard to keep it in check.

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?

I wouldn't be in my own personal Delta Quadrant. My family and friends would be closer.

if you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?

All the great women artists, writers, scientists, etc, who have been lost to history. Carrie Fisher. The Bronte sisters. I read today that their were archeologists in Ancient Egypt who studied even more Ancient Egypt because that society lasted for millenia. I'd like to meet one of them, lol.

Thanks for the tag @elenath9

No pressure tagging because tagging people makes me feel uncomfortable - who did I accidentally leave out? Who is going to say, "Ugh, unfollow," etc... @bizships @insanewaykathy @magdalenejaneway @commandermeg @ebonysolcum-two @elandreal86 and anyone else who’d like to join in!

Editing to add this started as a reblog, and ended up a post? I'm so confused, lol.

[sweatandwoe]

how do u write so much ??????

short answer: mental illness

long answer: in the readmore below

Okay main thing was mental illness and hyperfixation. Silco kinda came in and fondled my brain real hard that it made me write fanfic for the first time in a year. I used to do roleplays a long time ago, and I had written Mando fanfics the year prior.

I think something that helps a lot is sprints. It's fun to see your progress and create like a game out for yourself. The sprinto bot on discord really helps too and friends can join in if they want.

I think also just like sitting down and creating a setting for you to focus also helps. For me personally, I get too distracted by noise most of the time, so I either play an audiobook quietly as I write or just silence. Editing though, I need energy so it's Kim Petra Coconuts, Everytime we Touch by Cascada, etc. That shit helps when you're reading paragraphs over and over

I think the important thing is to write at your pace and write something that you enjoy. Like I know some people will write things they don't like but think it'll help their story and I'm here to say FUCK THAT. WRITE WHAT YOU LOVE. WRITE A COFFEE SHOP AU, WRITE A ROYALTY AU. JUST KEEP WRITING AUS YOU LOVE (me with time travel)

I have not written as much as last year, because I am having some mental health issues that are affecting me a lot with my creativity/self shit. I also haven't been reading fanfic a lot which I think is affecting it, cause reading usually always inspires me/gets me to write (I used to use it as a reward system, write this thing, and then you can go read this one-shot, but now I've just been very sad and not doing that

honestly writing this is making me realize I need to go read fanfic, it was literally helping my mental health so much to find joy in these fictions)

I have so many things that are almost done right now, but I find them so hard to edit or finish. Like I don't feel it's good enough, so I just keep tweaking at them or trying to finish them.

but last year I wrote around 300k? ish? My current word count including new ghost stuff is like 270k on ao3 and doesn't include any tumblr-only things I've written (plus I orphaned some stuff that cause I don't like the ship anymore) I wanna get back into writing, and I'm hoping school is gonna help me with that. I'm very excited to be going back to college and I think it's gonna help me start feeling a lot better about me in general.

anyway that was a ramble, but mainly like mental illness, setting a good work environment, a good motivation, and enjoying what you write are big things for me personally in a lot of what I got done last year

[nishisun]

suna rintaro is NOT a genius.

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

part 2

a/n: this was literally supposed to be a series, i gave up on it because i just didn’t like the way it turned out. it used to be called “out of my league” and this was the intro. i also renamed it. just emptying drafts!! please don’t get confused with the random timeskip, once again, this was a part of a series i never ended up posting😭

WARNING!!: suggestive themes, mentions of death, idk kinda angsty but tell me if i missed anything

Soulmates. Whatever the hell that means. The idea of soulmates is something I truly don’t understand. It’s bullshit, honestly. It’s all-pervasive.

My mother always told me I'd eventually find "the one.” I used to believe that when I was younger of course. But in my opinion? It’s all cliches. It's unhelpful, and it's certainly not true. Destiny is an excuse for the weak. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce? It's 'cause people who believe they are “destined to be" assume everything will fall into place without any effort. I don't appreciate people pontificating bullshit like that just to make me feel better, especially if they haven't found their "soulmate" themselves. My sister once told me, “People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and encounter more difficulty in their relationship, which will lead them to give up on one another eventually.”

I sure do believe that.

My mother is a prime example. Fumeiko Suna, my dear mother. Well, she clearly hasn’t found hers. I found out when I came home after a tedious day of school in 5th grade and found my dear mother on the floor crying, with bruises all over her face and a busted lip.

Initially, I thought a burglar had broken into our home once again, but if that were the case then there would’ve been missing furniture. But there wasn’t.

In fact, the place seemed cleaner than usual. When I ran up to her and asked her what had happened, there he was. The devil himself. My father. He reeked of alcohol, and I could detect his shadow towering over me. It’s funny how that I think of it. I used to fear that son of a bitch. Now, I’m way taller than him, and hate his guts. I turned around to see a faux-sympathetic smile plastered on his face.

He explained how my mother was being “clumsy” and had fell and busted her lip on one of the corners of the kitchen table and when I turned back around to face my mother, she smiled gently and nodded in agreement. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was then I realized my father had beat my mother to a pulp.

Long story short, when I found it was my father, sure, I was frightened. In fact, I remember going into my siblings’ rooms to inform them, they shrugged it off and told me that dad had been doing it for a while now.

Over time, when my dad had found out that I was aware, he didn't mind beating the absolute shit out of my mother in front of all three of us. This was when my burning hatred for that man started. Nobody in the house even attempted to stop him. I did a few times, though. He took all his anger out on me. At least my mom had a break for the day.

I almost pitied my mother. Almost. Maybe if she was strong enough to leave him, then yeah, I’d feel bad. But she still decides to stay with his sorry ass. It’s pathetic. It’s unrequited love or whatever you call it. How could she still love that asshole?

I mean, I’m not even going to lie, I’m an asshole too, but I’m definitely not my dad. I would never want to be him. He’s not someone I looked up to, he doesn’t do anything inspirational. He’s a businessman. He travels the majority of the time, and I’m pretty sure my mom invites men over when he’s gone. I don’t care enough to find out. But if I ever hear some guy rearranging my mom’s guts, I’ll kill him. I don’t even blame my mother. What she’s doing is wrong, she knows it and so do both of my older siblings. But they don't seem to care so why should I?

Who knows why she just won’t leave him. Maybe it’s cause they don’t want to ruin how people view our “picture perfect” family. I wonder what they’d say. “I thought the Suna’s were the ideal family? I guess not.”

My dad would probably lose it if he heard that.

Both my mother and my father are the cause of this broken family of mine. They never fed me or any of my siblings the love we always desired when we were younger. They never came to any of my volleyball games when I was younger. They never applauded me for the little recitals we’d have in class in primary school. They were never even here for most of my childhood. They always put money first and left us with the housekeepers. Hell, the housekeepers probably know me better than my own parents.They failed as parents. I despise them for it. They’re most likely the reason I am the way I am, but to be honest?

I don’t give a fuck.

In fact, I should thank them! Because of how they “raised” me, i’m extremely blunt, which is why people respect me. I use the hatred I have for my family and take it out on people and no, I’m not proud of that. I may be a heartless asshole, but I like that people fear me. The hell? Does that make me a sadist? Either way, people know to never fuck with me cause I’d fuck their shit up. I’ve overheard many people say it’s ‘cause of my privilege. It probably is. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you many other things.

If my parents were broke, I’d probably be expelled from school by now. Abuse of alcohol and drugs are forbidden on school property. I don’t even take them at school, I somewhat care about my education and health, but sometimes I just need to blow some steam. Even if I did, nobody’s gonna say shit since my dad is the head of Japan’s board of education. How did his ass even get there?

Call me lonely or cynical. Maybe I am. But how is that a bad thing? Why do people need a significant other to rely on? What, a soulmate is just going to turn my life upside down then suddenly bring me happiness? Pfft, I’m gonna need actual proof that shit like that still happens. I’ve only seen shit like that in fairy tale movies. It’s whatever, though. I can live with being alone. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and it isn’t as bad as people make it.

You loved the idea of having a soulmate. The thought of meeting someone who just understood you, accepted you for who you were, and most importantly, loved you excited you. You couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

But recently, you weren’t sure soulmates existed.

When your older sister, Akira, came into your room and burst into tears, it frightened you. Your older sister, the one who’d always provide you advice on relationships and how to keep one was in your room sobbing hysterically because hers hadn’t worked out.

“I just can't believe it,” she sobbed.

You couldn’t believe it either. Your sister had recently gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years. They started dating at the age of 15 and managed to make things work out even after high school, and out of all those years of dating, they never broke up. Not even once.

They’d go on romantic dates on Saturdays and they’d always write love letters to one another every day, just to remind one another of how grateful they were to have each other in their lives. On Halloween, they’d dress up as fictional characters from TV shows and books and take cute selfies and bake a bunch of sweets. They’d invite you to come bake with them, but you would politely deny. You knew they were only offering so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you appreciated.

Of course, they’d argue every now and then, but at the end of the day, they always managed to talk things out. Oh to have a relationship like theirs. They were everything you wanted to have in a relationship and more.

“I really thought he was the one for me, y’know?” No, you don’t know. But that doesn't matter. What mattered was cheering your sister up.

“Maybe he wasn’t ‘the one’ Akira, and that’s okay! People come and go all the time, soulmates come and go all the time as well-”

“You still believe soulmates are real, huh?” she let out a humorless laugh and sniffed her nose, “What If I missed my one shot at love, Y/N? What if I lost my soulmate?”

That’s some deep shit.

Now that you think about it, were soulmates real? Soulmates come and go, yes, you’re aware of that, but even though they leave, it’s always temporary. Soulmates always find a way back to their other half, the piece that completes them.

Your dad never made it back to your mother.

He died in a car crash 5 years ago. Your mother and father had been arguing because she claimed your father was cheating on her since he wouldn’t let her check his phone.

You were 13 at the time. Your sister Akira was accompanying you in your room, listening to them arguing back and forth with one another. There was furniture flying across the room, glass breaking, and both of them throwing curses at each other. You were scared. They never argued in front of you and your sister. They'd bicker sometimes, but it was never anything too deep.

Eventually, your father had enough of your mother’s false accusations, and out of anger, he packed his things and left home. For weeks. It wasn’t until one of your uncles called your mother and broke the news. She didn’t take it very well.

Late 2012-early 2013.

Not many people came to your father’s funeral, his family didn’t like the fact that he and your mother were together, they said your mother was trouble, but your dad still stayed with her, even if that meant it would completely destroy the bond he had with his family. Now that’s true love, you had thought. Only your mother, Akira, the Sunas, your uncle, and you, of course, attended the funeral.

It hurt a lot. It hurt when your mother informed both your grandparents on your mother and father’s side and all they could do is put the blame on her. It hurt how they had claimed you, Akira and your mother were a hindrance to your dear father’s well-being. How could they be so cruel at a time like this?

That was the first time you ever questioned if soulmates were real. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time? Who knows.

After your father’s passing, Fumiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, was there to help your family out financially. Your mother couldn’t even find the motivating to go to work. Your mother and Fumiko have been best friends since junior high, they’ve literally been inseparable ever since. In fact, after they both got married, they decided to live right next to each other.

Your mom didn’t cope with your father’s death very well; none of you did. But your mom had it the worst.

She would cope with alcohol and clubbing which would always result in her bringing different men home almost every night. You didn’t say much about it, you thought it would be selfish to since that’s what seemed to make your mother feel better about herself, but your sister hated it. She was already 19 and in college at the time, but when she visited and found out that your mother had basically been neglecting you, she was furious.

“Seriously, mom? This is what you’re gonna do while your 13-year-old daughter is in her room having a literal mental breakdown because of your childish behavior?” Your sister had barged into your mother’s room when she thought you were asleep, she was screaming loud.

“You’re interrupting something important, Akira. You know better than to-”

“Oh, shut the hell up mom. You’re the last person on earth to be saying shit like that.”

“Well, if you’re done, you can leave my room now. You’re being disrespectful, and this behavior is not tolerated!” Your mother was screaming now. The man in the bed covering his body under the covers and looking back and forth between Akira and your mother.

“Sakiya, maybe you should hear your daughter out-”

“Not now.” your mother scarcely interrupted the man, eye contact never leaving Akira. “Y/N has never complained about this when you were in college. She knows this is my way of coping, why can’t you understand that too!”

Akira scoffed. “So what, getting fucked by random strangers you find on the filthy streets is your way of coping? Getting wasted every damn night to the point where Y/N has to drag you up to bed is okay with you? Do you even know how much this is affecting Y/N? Did you even bother asking her how she felt? I hate breaking it to you mom, but you need serious help.”

“You selfish child!” Your mother screamed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, getting up from the bed. “How dare you say that to your own mother?”

“I’m only telling the truth! If you’re the mother, then it’s your job to be taking care of Y/N, not neglecting her. When’s the last time you’ve engross in an actual conversation with her when you were fully sober?”

Your mother was silent. She quickly walked up to Akira and grabbed her by the hair and slammed her headfirst against the wall.

“You’ve got a big mouth! Maybe I should wash it with soap like I did back in the day, hm?” Akira was attempting to push her mother away, but she wouldn’t let go of her grip. The man that was still on your mother’s bed was in panic, yelling her name, which didn’t have any effect. He might as well stop.

"Look," Akira mumbled, struggling to get away from your mother's grip, "I know it's been hard ever since dad left-"

“Mom! Let go of her!” You cried from the door of her room.

All 3 adults froze and looked at your glassy eyes, mouths wide open.

“Hey, kiddo, I thought you were asleep?” Akira playfully said, your mother let go of Akira and crossed her arms then looked away from you.

“Well, I can't really go to sleep when there’s a bunch of adults yelling about my well-being,” you muttered incoherently. You quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears off your face and sighed.

“Honey,” your mom started, she walked slowly to you, carefully examined your face, and attempted to hug you, but you didn’t accept the offer which made your mother frown. She stopped walking until she was almost face to face with you and placed a hand on your shoulder gently. “Baby, your sister told me that you weren’t happy. Is this true?”

You looked away from her and stared dully at the floor, subtly shifting your feet, then you softly shook your head “no.”

“See Akira, Y/N is happy. So please stop stressing her out.” Your mother said through gritted teeth, then faced you once again. “Y/N honey, how about I go tuck you into bed, hm? I’m so sorry for the excessive noise that was caused.”

“Mom, how clueless can you be? Y/N looks miserable! It’s unhealthy for Y/N to be living-“

Slap.

Your mother just slapped Akira on the face.

“I know what’s best for my daughter! I am her mother! You are not the one who should be telling me how to take care of my own kid!”

“That’s enough, Sakiya.” a familiar voice said from the door.

“Fumeiko-“

“It’s fine. Sakiya, we need to talk.” It was Fumeiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, also known as your next door neighbor. She had been standing in the hallways the whole time, you didn’t even know she was there. Akira was the one who called her over.

That night your mother agreed to get help for her drinking problem. She was gone for 6 months. During those 6 months, the Suna’s took you in since Akira would be in college and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You and Rintaro were the only kids in the house, being that you both were the same age and the others were in college. It was okay, they were all very polite, dinners were awkward, you could feel some sort of tension between the family but you didn’t pay any attention to it.

When your mom finally came back, it was awkward at first. She still seemed the same, loving and caring, just sober and free of alcohol. It was nice. You two spent the weekends bonding at the mall, watching a movie, or even getting your nails done. Eventually, she gained your trust back, and you couldn’t have been happier.

January 2017.

“Akira, don’t say that. You may not believe me now, but you are such an amazing person, don’t ever think you’ll never find love again. It’s all about having a positive mindset!” you said, thoughtfully stroking her hair as her head laid on your chest.

“I told you that.”

“You did,” you chuckled, “you should take your own advice.

“Oh, shut up!” you both laughed, and Akira let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course, you don't need to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— so this is one of the writings that i wrote in January 😭 it’s been in my drafts and i re-read it once and instantly hated it right after. if there’s any typos please tell me!!

— also i wanna apologize again for putting gmds on hiatus,, i feel so bad 😭 i wanna make it up to you guys but idk how so if you have suggestions pls tell me

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨ hello! I've never interacted before but I've read all of your posts! I really love your version of chuuya, can't get enough of it! :D I hope you're all better now uwu thank you for this event I'm so excited :D

first of all I'm smoller than chuuya hehe

I consider myself an extrovert who can be very shy at first. if i manage to somehow feel comfortable w someone (as in they are warm and open to me), I become super chatty and bubbly, but I can be very quiet and reserved when I'm among a bunch of people or with someone I haven't really connected. in that case i need to warm up a bit first.

altho I love hanging out with my loved ones, I need "just-me" moments too. I like joking and making people laugh and this goofy and "witty" side of me is best seen when I chat or post insta stories, rather than irl.

I can be quite awkward when I talk with people irl. I'm super affectionate with the people I love and actually I can be quite clingy. I need constant attention and love or I start feeling insecure.

I have lots of interests (too many to keep up), that are somehow linked: animanga, asian dramas, webtoons, fantasy, books, insta poetry, linguistics and language learning, graphic design, fiction, history, sociology and whatever is grabbing my attention at the moment.

I also suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, have short attention span, but lots of focus when I shouldn't have, lots of dreams, anxieties and hopes. I often sign up for too many things at once (and regret it) but stillll there's so much to dooo and no timeeeeee

for all my easygoing attitude, I have high uncertainty avoidance: scared of talking to people I've interacted w before, hesitant of like asking informations to a stranger, worried about uni exams I'm not fully prepared for, deeply anxious about a new part time job etc.

I usually procrastinate a lot (and also a mild perfectionist, what a curse) , am disorganised and am a bit of a scatterbrain, often sleep late but! I'm doing si much better now! After I started physically attending uni, moved out and got a roommate I'm doing much better: I wake up in time, I try to study regularly, Im learning how to cook, I clean after myself uwu

I think this means that when I'm somehow in a situation where I should be responsible (got a roommate, living away from home) I really try to do my best. so proud of myself rn! I'm also in this w my bffs so we helping each other become better

sadly for chuchu I don't drink at all! I would also wait a long time to do the full snu snu, until I feel like this person is here to stay. light snu snu is okay hehe. I'm also a bit lazy and while I like visiting new places and all I get tired of traveling and I don't like "being a tourist" (as in, walking a lot, going from one place to the other, taking lots of pictures, guided tours and all that jazz). I like to do things at my own pace and feel cozy :D

I hope this helps!

:D anon

hi dear!! ✨ thank you so much for taking part in our little event! it's lovely to hear from long-time readers like you🥺 i'm doing much better than before, although still not quite well, thank you for asking!

here's a little bit of your chuuya for you!

i won't even get into detail about how much chuuya loves that he's the slightest bit taller than you. it activates his protection mode- and he sure loves being in that mode when he's around you.

chuuya isn't quick to figure out your innate need for attention/affection- he just thinks you're clingy for a bit and would indulge you while he can and then he's gone off to work again. it would take you opening up to him and having a genuine conversation for him to actually get it in his head, but after that don't worry, he's at your side as much as possible. when he can't, he's texting or calling you. there's never a day you'll feel once that he doesn't care about you.

he absolutely loves your humor! granted you did say it comes out mostly when you chat or on your insta stories but he definitely has an appreciation of it even beyond the screen. especially if it’s derived from all the varied interests you have? you’ve got chuuya hooked. you've just got a spark of joy in you that's hard to find in other people that draws chuuya to you.

if you need him to catch you at times when your uncertainty avoidance gets too much, don't fret because he won't mind doing it for you. but chuuya's more of a proactive person hismelf, so there are occasions where instead of fully taking the responsibility, he'll be, instead, by your side and making sure you don't feel alone as you face your own anxiety on your own!

chuuya has absolutely no idea at first what to do with your maladaptive daydreaming. but once he figures out the ropes he's there for you all the time. need to be more engaged and grounded in reality? he's there, holding you down. need to go to therapy for it or would rather talk to a doctor? he's bringing you to the clinic himself. he'll learn your triggers (if any) and make sure to keep you out of them when possible. it'll take a bit for him to figure it out, but once he does, he's your best ally.

he watches you work on yourself and get better and handling the daily routine, and is super proud of you for every step you're taking in the right direction. he's there to help you whenever you stumble, but for the most part he just loves being able to sit back and watch you slowly get better at avoiding procrastination, studying, sleeping, etc. etc!

related to that, he's definitely going to be super thankful once you've moved in with him and can help him with that kind of regulation. it's not that he can't do it on his own, just sometimes he also deeply struggles with it, especially with mafia work, and to be able to have someone by his side who can help him is a big plus for him.

he'll be fine with you not drinking, he's always got a bottle of a nonalcoholic drink for you to enjoy while he's getting tipsy. but this is only for when you're at home! if you're outside, say, on a dinner, he'll refrain from drinking because he'd rather not have to be a burden on you when he gets drunk. don't worry, it doesn't dampen the experience one bit, because he loves just being with you to begin with!

your extroverted side matched with a tendency to pull back when you're around others you aren't close with is something chuuya deeply appreciates- some dark part in him enjoys that he can have you all for himself in certain situations. but i think the two of you will still be a great match because chuuya absolutely needs someone to ground him as well, and also to stop his little alcohol problem 😂

[ikjun]

4, 6, 13 and 20!!! if you can't tell i am BUZZING about al book questions evening

what sections of a bookstore do you browse?

i go in specific order which is: english adult fiction, crime fiction, classics, biographical non-fiction, comics and all that, english YA / fantasy!

what books have you read in the last month?

this is how you lose the time war by amal eh-mohtar and max gladstone, the invisible life of addie la rue and vicious (reread) by v.e. schwab. and i just started kim jiyoung, born 1982 by cho nam-joo.

do you have a goodreads?

nope. that site is EH. i keep track in a notebook i have.

what are things you look for in a book?

whew. good question. i love a good and compelling story, something that makes sense when i read and doesn't have gotcha moment but rather a narrative that unfolds in a pleasing way. but even more than that, i need characters that hook me in. i don't like most of the tropy 'dynamics', or let's call them ships ... because usually they never put something new into the tropes or readers often times just fully lack the reading comprehension to make them interesting to engage with and talk about (think darklina in shadow and bone, which worst ship ever for 10000 reasons lol).

i like characters and dynamics that hit me a little sideways, that might not be there at first, that progress in ways i haven't written hundred times before or if they have, that at least bring something unique to them. i seem to enjoy less urban-centric stories as well, though i quite enjoy a good sci-fi story here and there. i like good protagonists that are human and can do wrong but are still good at the end of the day. i like villains who are unflinchingly villainous and complicated and don't need to be woobified. in the same way i like when books have neither (think of books like normal people) and just talk about every day events. it always hinges on characters and writing style for me.

i have picked up random no-big-name books while traveling or in my local bookstore bc i liked the writing or the characters / story seemed interesting. and most times i enjoyed reading those books more than the more franchise-driven ones lmao. i also think many american writers just don't write well.

send in some book asks!

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #1

Victor

Hi! My name's Victor Nelson. Welcome to my online journal!

Since this is the first entry, it might be good to start by telling you something about myself, right? Let's see...

I’m 25 years old, my birthday is the second of December, and my favourite colours are blue and red.. I like food, naps, and taking way too many selfies which I shamelessly post on Simstagram. Some people say I'm hyper and that I'm over the top, but I like to think of myself as energetic, enthusiastic and adventurous.

I love sports, and particularly winter sports like snowboarding, skiing and skating. Especially snowboarding! Fortunately for me, I currently live in Mt. Komorebi, Japan, where I can snowboard all year long on the mountain, Yukimatsu. I'm really good at snowboarding, even if I say so myself. In fact, I do it competitively, and I've won medals. My friends say I'm a showoff, but I say if you've got a talent, why hide it?

Another thing I love is travelling. So far, I haven't visited very many places, but moving from my hometown, Willow Creek, all the way to Mt. Komorebi was so exciting that now I've decided I want to travel the world! I think I was bitten by the travel bug the minute I stepped off the plane and into a brand new environment that I’d never seen before.

Oh, you want to know why I came to Japan in the first place? Okay, I'm more than willing to tell you all about it.

This adorable boy right here is my partner and best friend, Yuri Okamoto. Yes, I took this picture, and yes, it's terrible. Photography isn't my greatest talent, probably because I spend too much time doing sports and not enough time practicing with my camera. Maybe I can improve it during my world travels, though.

Yuri and I met online, and there was an instant connection between us. It was instant from my perspective, at least. I guess you’ll have to ask Yuri if he fell for me at first sight like I fell for him.

I hardly ever do anything slowly or halfway, which basically explains why I’m here. Yuri and I wanted to be together in person, so I made up my mind to visit, and I may have forgotten to get a return ticket. I may also have given up the lease on my flat in Willow Creek, and sold my car. You get the idea. But, it’s been absolutely fantastic, being here with him. Mt. Komorebi is stunning, and have I mentioned the year-round snowboarding? Year-round snowboarding! But, anyway…

Yuri’s glad that I decided to move here too, although he was kind of shocked at first that it wasn't just a visit after all. Yuri is more circumspect than me, which is a good thing because we balance each other. I can be a little impulsive sometimes, so having a best friend who’s more cautious helps keep me from getting into too much trouble.

Okay, so maybe 'best friend’ isn't entirely accurate. I mean, we're definitely best friends, and we're partners like I said, but I think it's more complicated than that. I love him with every fiber of my being, but we're not lovers exactly. Soulmates? I think that's it.

Our friends tease us a lot about our names and the fact that we're so close. Apparently, we resemble the main characters from an animated series that's very popular here in Mt. Komorebi. I've never seen it, personally. I usually can't sit still long enough for television. Yuri says we look a bit like those characters too, and I'm fine with taking his word for it, but I can assure you that we are our own unique, individual selves and any resemblance to some fictional TV characters is purely coincidental.

Okay! Now, on to the reason why I've decided to make this journal. Even though I'd be perfectly happy to go on for ages about my adorable Yuri, the real reason I'm doing this is to chronicle my travels. Check this out!

My next voyage is going to be to Sulani. As much as I love winter and the cool, fresh air of Mt. Komorebi, the idea of visiting a tropical paradise where it never snows truly fascinates me. I won't get to do any snowboarding while I'm there, but I'll bet there’ll be lots of awesome water sports I can try. I've been looking at travel books about the island, and I've heard all the legends about the merpeople of Sulani. Maybe I'll get to meet a merperson, if I'm lucky.

The only thing that worries me about going to a place where it never snows is what the weather might get up to in lieu of snowing. Thunderstorms. I can't stand them. Camping on the beach is going to be amazing, but I'm not sure what I'll do if there are any thunderstorms, especially if Yuri isn't around to console me. He's really good at that.

Maybe I can convince him to come along.

Anyway, I guess I'll figure everything out when the time comes. I know I have to do some planning, but I don't like to organize my life too much. I like spontaneity. Yuri says I'm impetuous, but I prefer 'carefree'.

Whatever happens, I'll be sure to keep this updated so all of you can follow along with me on my adventures. See you soon!

[introvertguide]

Star Wars (1977); AFI #13

In honor of May 4th and the original movie that started it all, the group reviewed Star Wars (1977). Nominated for 10 Academy Awards and winning 6 with one extra special achievement award for Sound, this is perhaps the most highly decorated science fiction movie of all time. The special effects and the music were especially moving making the Star Wars experience something amazing to behold. I was lucky enough to see one of the re-releases in the theatre back in the mid 80s. In fact, I might well have seen the film 100 times over my life. The music might be the most well known soundtrack globally. With inflation, this is the 4th highest grossing film of all time. It is truly a fantastic work and I would like to now spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it. Let me start with the usual:

SPOILER WARNING!!! I DON'T THINK THERE ARE MANY WHO HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM, BUT FOR THOSE FEW THAT DON'T KNOW, I AM GOING TO RUIN THE PLOT!!! STOP NOW AND GO WATCH IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!!

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Amid a galactic civil war, Rebel Alliance spies have stolen plans to the Galactic Empire's Death Star, a massive space station capable of destroying an entire planet. Imperial Senator Princess Leia of Alderaan (Carrie Fisher), secretly one of the Rebellion's leaders, has obtained its schematics (this entire effort was originally a throwaway concept but was completely fleshed out in Rogue One almost 40 years later) , but her starship is intercepted by an Imperial Star Destroyer under the command of the ruthless Darth Vader (acted by David Prowse and voiced by James Earl Jones). The movie is just starting and the odds against the rebels are shown by the scale of the two ships. Before she is captured, Leia hides the plans in the memory of an astromech droid called R2-D2 (Kenny Baker), who flees in an escape pod to the desert planet Tatooine accompanied by protocol droid C-3PO (Anthony Daniels).

The droids are captured by Jawa traders (little shiny eyed beings who are now meme legends), who sell them to moisture farmers Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill). While Luke is cleaning R2-D2, part of a holographic recording of Leia starts playing a message for Obi-Wan Kenobi where she requests his help ("Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"). Later, after Luke finds R2-D2 missing, he is attacked by scavenging Sand People while searching for him, but is rescued by elderly hermit "Old Ben" Kenobi (Sir Alec Guinness), an acquaintance of Luke's, who reveals that "Obi-Wan" is his true name. Obi-Wan tells Luke of his days as one of the Jedi Knights, the former peacekeepers of the Galactic Republic who drew mystical abilities from a metaphysical energy field known as "the Force", but were ultimately hunted to near-extinction by the Empire. Luke learns that his father fought alongside Obi-Wan as a Jedi Knight during the Clone Wars (another throwaway concept that was eventually fleshed out) until Vader, Obi-Wan's former pupil, turned to the dark side of the Force and murdered him. Obi-Wan presents Luke with his father's old lightsaber, the signature weapon of Jedi Knights. The connection between Darth Vader and Luke's father is explored in depth during the next eight films.

R2-D2 plays Leia's full message, in which she begs Obi-Wan to take the Death Star plans to her home planet of Alderaan and give them to her father, a fellow veteran, for analysis. Although Luke initially declines Obi-Wan's offer to accompany him to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force, he is left with no choice after discovering that Imperial stormtroopers have killed his aunt and uncle and destroyed their farm in their search for the droids (cue the Academy and Grammy Award winning theme music composed by John Williams). Traveling to a cantina in Mos Eisley to search for transport, Luke and Obi-Wan hire Han Solo (Harrison Ford), a smuggler with a price on his head due to his debt to local mobster Jabba the Hutt. Pursued by stormtroopers, Obi-Wan, Luke, R2-D2 and C-3PO flee Tatooine with Han and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) on their ship the Millennium Falcon. As they reach the planet's orbit, two Star Destroyers try to intercept them, but Han is able to jump to hyperspace by reaching lightspeed.

Before the Falcon can reach Alderaan, Death Star commander Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) interrogates Leia about the location of the Rebels's secret base, with the threat of destroying her home planet, and, when she answers that the base is on Dantooine, he orders Alderaan destroyed simply as a show of force. As the group arrives in the asteroid field that now stands in place of Alderaan, Han spots an Imperial TIE fighter and is taunted into chasing it and shooting it down, allowing the Falcon to be captured by the space station's tractor beam. Inside the Death Star, Obi-Wan attempts to disable the tractor beam, and Luke persuades Han and Chewbacca to help him rescue Leia after discovering that she is scheduled to be executed. After disabling the tractor beam, Obi-Wan sacrifices his life in an epic lightsaber duel with Vader, allowing the rest of the group to escape the Death Star with Leia. Using a tracking device, the Empire tracks the Falcon to the hidden Rebel base.

Leia's schematics reveal a hidden weakness in the Death Star's thermal exhaust port, which could allow the Rebels to trigger a chain reaction in its main reactor with a precise torpedo strike. While Han abandons the Rebels after collecting his reward for rescuing Leia, Luke joins their starfighter squadron in a desperate attack against the approaching Death Star. In the ensuing battle, the Rebels suffer heavy losses as Vader leads a squadron of TIE fighters against them, but Han unexpectedly returns to aid them in the Falcon, narrowly managing to save Luke before Vader can shoot him down. Guided by the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan's spirit, Luke turns off his targeting computer and uses the Force to aim his torpedoes into the exhaust port, destroying the Death Star moments before it fires on the Rebel base. In a triumphant ceremony at the base, Leia awards Luke and Han medals for their heroism.

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I want to explain the connection between this movie and the Joseph Campbell version of the hero's journey that so many people have pointed out. This journey starts out with a call to adventure that is refused and then forced (Luke is given an opportunity to leave, he declines, the death of his family pushes him forward, he leaves with his team). Campbell then predicts an initiation that involves meeting a woman and gaining weapons, a meeting with an incredible power, and an achievement of the hero's power (goes to star destroyer, meets Vader and loses Obi-Wan, gains power over force). The story ends with a refusal, a magic flight, a rescue from without, and a hero's return (Luke goes to attack the Death Star, Han refuses and then eventually saves him, and the day is saved so the heroes are rewarded). It is a story that is called the Monomyth and has been recognized in Greek myths that are thousands of years old. It is a good story that has been proven to work and it makes for one of the most enjoyable movies of all time.

There was some negative opinions of the film because it is such a simple old story that became extremely popular and film goers would no longer be interested in intelligent thinking movies. It is kind of the truth because blockbuster summer films are full of explosions. The highest grossing films since then have tended to be highly explosive action films. Films like Star Wars, Jaws, and Indiana Jones are a lot of fun, but they are not super deep. They are easy to understand at surface level, but they can also be interpreted to mean much more significant things. The choice of the viewer about whether the story has deep inner meaning or is just the Odyssey in space is personal and likely colors opinions about how good it is. Some people think it is stupid fun while others have actually formed religions around the idea of the force.

One thing is for certain, the formula worked amazingly well for a large group of people and this made movie producers want to copy it. This is what is generally called a watershed moment because the look of movies changed significantly. There were so many more space operas and they all had that worn post-apocalyptic look to them. Star Wars and Mad Max combined to give a different look of what futuristic was. There was advanced tech in some cases, but there was a scorched Earth that had run out of resources and people suffered. Think about how many movies and television shows there are that have come out since the 80s and combine industrial tech for space and distressed almost Western appearances for the planets. The movie changed the way many people see the future.

One thing that is inarguably great was the score. I am not going to try and describe it with words, I am just going to put links to the different themes here so you can hear for yourself:

Star Wars Main Theme (Full) - YouTube

Star Wars- The Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme) - YouTube

Princess Leia's Theme - YouTube

Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope (1977) Soundtrack 11 Cantina Band - YouTube

This is somewhat strange for the AFI so I went back and checked, but I believe that this is the only film with a ranked villain (Darth Vader), hero (Han Solo), and theme song (Main Theme). Even if it is somewhat simplistic from some perspectives, the story and the songs and the sounds and the characters speak to those who watch it. Seeing the movie is an incredible experience and I envy those who get to see it for the first time.

I am a big fan of the original Star Wars trilogy and I could completely nerd out going over all of the little things throughout the movie, but this is not a deep dive but instead an overall review. So does it belong on the AFI top 100? Maybe more than any other movie. It is an epic tale that changed the way movies were made across multiple genres. We could probably look at all science fiction films and put them as before or after this one. It is an important piece of American film and (no matter what anyone thinks of the other Star Wars films or George Lucas) it is a masterpiece. Would I recommend it? I cannot say yes enough. It is part of my culture as a California movie nerd and understanding this film is understanding some of the basic knowledge I grew up with. All sticks are swung around like light sabers. If I say "Princess Leia hair," everyone around here knows exactly what I mean. If something is impossible but still needs to be done, we tell people to use the force. I have lived in the Bay Area for 20 years and I can still reference a location by how close it is to Skywalker Ranch were George Lucas worked on movies. Please check out this film and you will know why I am such a fan of movies.