#I usually have a fiction on the go for travel but haven't started a new one yet

[theinstagrahame]

It's a bad day, and I've been dragging my heels on this. But, I got a bunch of neat new TTRPG stuff in October, so here's what landed in my mailbox.

Break!! - A few years ago, I stumbled on some art on Twitter. It was fun, it was vibrant, and it felt inviting. I wanted to know more, looked into the artist, and discovered it was spot art for an upcoming RPG called Break!! So, I kept an eye on it. The book is beautiful, well laid-out, and really cool, so maybe one good thing came from Twitter*.

The Electric State - Tales from the Loop and Things from the Flood have been pretty high on my "To Play" lists for years. A follow-up, set in a similar (or the same?) world was kind of an instant pickup. Not as interested in the movie, but the game seems pretty rad.

The Geologist's Primer - I picked up the Herbalist's Primer when it came out, and was really impressed with the quality and care that went into it, so when I saw "That but for rocks" was in the works, I was definitely already in. Also excited for the follow up "Mushrooms next time".

Starkhollow Hall - I accidentally fell into a Gothic Fiction kick over Spooky Month, so the timing of this was perfect. I don't know a ton about the GUMSHOE system, but I do feel like what I know about it makes it a perfect fit for the genre. Gothic heroines (and I guess heroes) are at their best when they know there's a dangerous mystery at the heart of what's happening around them, and go looking for it anyway.

Forsaken - Kyle Tam is, honestly, a designer to watch. I picked this up because it was part of an Afterthought Committee project, which is a team I've also really enjoyed work from (my game Water Landing is built off of their game Cast Away). Does a better job of establishing a sort of grimdark/Soulsbourne vibe than some stuff that explicitly tries to.

Iron Edda Reforged - The pitch for this caught me immediately: Cyberpunk Norse Mythology. Tracy Barnett is another Designer to Watch, and I really like all of their stuff--haven't played the original Iron Edda, but have heard it on Party of One and really dug it. Was really hyped to see this come into being.

Electrum Archive v2 - I went through a Weird Sci-Fi phase this year, and the original Electrum Archive was an early pick for it. I really loved the world, the way each class worked differently, and the magic/currency/MacGuffin that it used. Obviously I wanted more, because the second book is here.

Alice is Missing - Silent Falls - My friends and I have been talking about the prospect of another Alice is Missing game since playing the first one about two years ago. It was a really memorable experience, partly due to the game's really compelling design, and to some of the in-moment decisions we made (I played the facilitator character, who starts the game having returned after a long absence, and another player immediately got pissed at them for sorta abandoning the group. it created an interesting play dynamic for the whole session)

Kill Him Faster - I picked up a previous Kovidae Games book as a lark: a collection of exercise-based RPGs. I nearly ignored their other stuff, but this had a pretty compelling pitch: What if time-travel was invented mostly so people could speedrun murdering Hitler. Since Eat the Reich came out, I've thought a bit about Hitler Revenge Fantasy as a genre, and honestly, I'm kinda into it. He was a loser, and deserves to be reduced to a video game villain and killed over and over again; so, yeah. Let's kill him faster next time.

Splat (issue 5) - I'm not usually one for essays and interviews, but this is a zine featuring and by some folks I really like and respect, and this one is packed with thoughts about the state of the indie TTRPG scene and industry from a diverse and immensely talented group. It's honestly a must-read.

(Already getting a few things for the next edition, but also feeling too garbage after the Clusterfuck Election to think about doing anything else today...)

---

footnote: * Technically, two good things came from Twitter. I also once expressed sorrow that I'd missed out on a limited T-shirt from a web comic artist that said "Sorry, Glenn, the only Beck I listen to has two turntables and a microphone", and the creator saw it and had an extra in my size.

[copperbadge]

One of the things I used to do when I was having creative difficulties was to declare a moratorium on creation -- say to myself, "Well, you're blocked or frustrated with everything. Maybe no more writing for the rest of the month," and then no matter what, I would commit to doing no more writing until the set date. I was just giving myself permission to take a little space without guilt, but once I'm not allowed to create, I tend to want to, so it's often been not just restful but rejuvenating. I have other coping methods that I've built, so I haven't had to do it in a long time, but apparently it still works.

The last two weeks have been a lot of travel, socializing and work, and I haven't had a ton of time or space to myself. It's been for good reasons, and overall very positive, but I've done essentially no fiction writing, especially since before that I was getting Royals/Ramblers out the door and pulling the Omnibus V2 together. But this morning I sat down before the day really began and realized I did actually want to write. I didn't get to actually do much because R and baby U woke up and I wanted to cook breakfast and hang out with them, but at least I wanted to write, and had a vague idea of how to attack it.

Life keeps feeling unreal -- I keep thinking something's profoundly off, and then realizing yeah, I've been putting my entire normal existence on hold for weeks on end. Even when I've been in Chicago I've been sick and work's had some unusual challenges, and there have been a few novel personal life events. A lot of what I have done has also been laced with an anxiety I don't normally have to deal with, for one reason or another.

Tomorrow are the last few hurdles -- I have to get to the airport and I have a non-direct flight to Chicago for the first time in over a decade, which are always stressful. Once I'm home, it's just the usual travel recovery: laundry, cooking, reassuring kitties. I have to get through the rest of the week's work, but at least there's nothing too intensive. The weekend is mainly free, though I'm going to try and see if I can see a few people socially and do some shopping for a party I'm throwing the following weekend.

It does feel like the hits keep coming, like this hectic pace is just my life now, but I know that I'll be home, with time and resources I haven't had in a while, and things will slowly ease up. I was telling myself I had to hold on until April 10th, and really it's going to be more like the end of April before silence truly descends, but at least after tomorrow I'll have time to write and finally the motivation as well.

I do feel sometimes like there was a "normal" that I had established which started slowly vanishing after the ADHD diagnosis, and I'm not sure I'm equipped to build a new one in the same way. That said, I'm sure I'll settle back into a groove once I'm sleeping in my own bed for more than two nights running.

It feels like the space I had carved in the world for myself now doesn't quite fit me anymore. It's a neutral kind of sensation -- not comfortable, but not painful, and equally not very productive. But it's not like I evaporate if I don't figure it out immediately, I suppose.

[soothinglee]

even if my heart stops beating⏤✰

seungmin x reader | 1.6k✔︎

my notes⎯ hello everyone ! I know it's been a while since I've actually wrote something ! I actually got hit by a bus! yeah I had to sue this company called "writers block" and I finally got a settlement! (also happy new year!) I recently (like a week ago) got into Kpop, specifically Stray Kids ! I've read some fan fictions (shameless) about some of my favorites and got inspo to write one! thank you @soobnny . also I haven't wrote anything in a while so i'm a little rusty, i'll be as good as new soon!

warning⎯ mentions of vomit (used as word vomit) and crying.

genre⎯ angst to comfort.✔︎

songs⎯ six feet under; billie eilish | pretty boy; the neighborhood

the old rusted clock that came with the condo you and seungmin bought sits perched on the top of the fridge. Its old, wooden frame slowly caves in on itself as time goes on.

not even an hour or two ago you had happily entered your home to start cooking dinner, not even worrying about showering first because you were so excited to have dinner with your boyfriend.

even going out of your way to spend a hundred dollars over the amount you usually spend to give seungmin the greatest 'welcome home' feast. he and the rest of stray kids had been on tour for the last couple months, traveling all over the world to perform at concerts and do collaborations with other idols to promote their new albums.

sure, it had been lonely, being by yourself all of the time, the only glimpse of your boyfriend you could get is when he could facetime you for 2 minutes or when he responded back to a text 4 hours later. but you understood, you knew what you were getting yourself into even when you started becoming friends with him.

if anything, you were strong, understanding, and flexible to when he couldn't make it to something like a movie night or date when his plane arrives later or practice runs over.

the only thing now, is that he had promised you that he could make it on time to dinner. sending countless 'I swear ill be there' texts and swift calls ensuring his presences at the dinner table during his dance rehearsals.

but now you were sitting at the table alone. a cold jajangmyeon sits in the platter in front of you, a similar on across the table from you. looking up at that old clock the hour turns to 10 and he's officially 2 hours late. it wasn't unknown for him to run a little over his time but this was unbelievable. you curse yourself for being naive and truly thinking he would keep to his word.

as you get up and clean the meal that you created you feel a little piece inside of you break, watching your hard work spill into the leftover containers like your tears. this was embarrassing, waiting around like a puppy in hopes your owner comes home. you were loyal and hopeful to a fault but wasting time and money like this was just unacceptable.

by the time seungmin walked through the front door it was half pass midnight and you had situated yourself infront of the t.v watching a new drama a colleague from work recommended.

"(name)." he calls out, you hear his shoes hit the wall as he takes them off, and then theres a shuffle as he organizes them on the shoe rack. you hear him leave his keys in the bowl on the desk that was by the front door, his footsteps growing louder as he nears the living room.

"(name)." he calls out again, seeing you lay in a cocoon of blankets in the dark, he think maybe you're sleeping so he quietly discards his winter coat on the back of the couch. he flicks on the lamp on the other side of the couch to bring in some light. though when he comes around to sit down he finds your eyes wide open, "why didn't you answer me when I called?"

"why didn't you come on time like you promised?" you quipped back quietly, suddenly too exhausted to have any conversation with him. you try and sink further into the thick blanket as you watch the Netflix symbol load and the next episodes intro plays.

you can't see his face but when he sighs and shifts in his spot you can hear the hesitance, "you already know why, practice ran late, like always."

"whatever."

"'whatever?' what's going on with you?"

"nothing." your tone is snipped but honestly you couldn't care less. somewhere in your soul you feel as though this might be a little extreme of an reaction but there is only so much patience you can give one person. you constantly make time for him and this relationship, so why couldn't he move things around and do the same for you? your eyes remain on the television.

seungmins eyes dart quickly to the t.v and then back to you, noticing that your full attention isn't on him, so he leans over you and goes to grab the remote from your hands. at the sudden loss of contact you make a move to try and get the remote back from him but he effectively powers down the t.v and discards in on the coffee table.

"I'll only repeat myself so many times, what's going on?"

it was like a newfound energy fizzled at your toes and pushed itself up and towards your head, your body springs up from its sideways position and you angle yourself to face seungmin.

though the light was somewhat dim due to only the lamp being on, he could see the red-rim of your eyes and the dried streaks of tears sticking to your cheeks. obviously, it had been evident that you had been crying.

seungmins eyes soften for a moment, he reaches out to try and smooth out the puffiness of your cheeks but as soon as you see his hand coming you push it away, "you were crying?" it comes out more of a statement than a concerned question, but the worry was still evident in his tone.

"duh," you start, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the tense space, you find comfort in the carpet on the ground. you were feeling...nervous. you didn't want to cause anymore problems but things won't get solved unless they are discussed, which in all honesty, the thought of confrontation in the first place is feared.

you need to get it out, you can't stop living like this. deep down you know he cares but you have to stop going off of assumptions. either he's going to show up or not, it was clear already that you showed up no matter how busy you were.

"do you even still love me?"

the question tumbles from your lips before you could even process what you were saying. maybe it wasn't what you wanted to convey exactly but it was definitely a start.

"what?" his airy voice sounds dumbfounded which makes sense. the intense look you're giving him plus the profound, out-of-the-blue question throws him off guard.

of course he loves you, why would you ever think anything different? "where is this coming from?"

"well it's just that every time we have something planned your work gets in the way. I spend hours and hours getting ready, trying to look my best, just to waste the day sitting on the couch waiting for you to come home. sometimes I'm waiting so long I fall asleep! I put so much effort into being a good girlfriend! hell, I even spent over 100 dollars on dinner tonight because I knew you had a hectic day, it took me two hours to make it just for it to go cold and put into a container,"

your voice chokes up, full of exhaustion and disappointment. you feel the tears pooling in your eyes but have no energy to stop them. you really want to quit the word vomit but there's no point, theres more to be said.

"I try so hard to not get disheartened but it gets so hard when you don't even try. sometimes I feel like you don't even care about this relationship anymore, like you don't care about m-"

just as you were about to finish your words were muffled by hands on your face, and lips on yours. seungmin had kissed you to stop your rambling. you couldn't help but to feel relieved and somewhat offended.

"stop." he whispers as he takes a breath, his hands still on your face, foreheads connecting, "please stop." his voice crack under pressure, its subtle but at the lack of distance between you two you can hear it so well. your eyes are closed, trying to get your own tears at bay but hearing how emotional he's becoming breaks you. a sob teeters at your bottom lip but you force it still.

"don't you ever think that I don't care. I always have." he pauses and wipes the stray tears on your face with his thumbs, "I'm so sorry I've made you feel like this. god I'm such a bad boyfriend, this is my fault."

you try to move away to comfort him but he holds you in place gently, you sniffle and reach up to brush the bangs from his face.

"I promise you I'll be more attentive, ill take you out everyday, spend as much time with you, cook for you, miss practices all the time just to make sure you know I care about you."

"you promised earlier but you didn't come!" you cry, recounting how long you waited.

"I know!" his voice quivers as his hands tremble, lightly shaking your head, "I know...and i'll never forgive myself. you don't know how much you've shaped me into the person I am now and I- I have no clue what I would do without you. I just have a poor way of showing it."

you grip on his wrists, mimicking him with your eyes squeezed shut, you stopped trying to keep the tears in awhile ago, letting them fall freely into your covered lap. "how do I know I can trust you? I'm so sick of feeling like this."

"I promise you I will prioritize you more than anything, Idol life, dancing, singing- whatever, does not come before you. I won't leave you hanging like this anymore, i'm sorry I didn't pay more close attention to your feelings," his bottom lips shakes as he takes another deep breath, he opens his eyes and you can see pass the tears and sorrow a new found determination.

"even if my heart stops beating, you're the only one I need."

past your wary judgement...you believe him...

[sweatandwoe]

how do u write so much ??????

short answer: mental illness

long answer: in the readmore below

Okay main thing was mental illness and hyperfixation. Silco kinda came in and fondled my brain real hard that it made me write fanfic for the first time in a year. I used to do roleplays a long time ago, and I had written Mando fanfics the year prior.

I think something that helps a lot is sprints. It's fun to see your progress and create like a game out for yourself. The sprinto bot on discord really helps too and friends can join in if they want.

I think also just like sitting down and creating a setting for you to focus also helps. For me personally, I get too distracted by noise most of the time, so I either play an audiobook quietly as I write or just silence. Editing though, I need energy so it's Kim Petra Coconuts, Everytime we Touch by Cascada, etc. That shit helps when you're reading paragraphs over and over

I think the important thing is to write at your pace and write something that you enjoy. Like I know some people will write things they don't like but think it'll help their story and I'm here to say FUCK THAT. WRITE WHAT YOU LOVE. WRITE A COFFEE SHOP AU, WRITE A ROYALTY AU. JUST KEEP WRITING AUS YOU LOVE (me with time travel)

I have not written as much as last year, because I am having some mental health issues that are affecting me a lot with my creativity/self shit. I also haven't been reading fanfic a lot which I think is affecting it, cause reading usually always inspires me/gets me to write (I used to use it as a reward system, write this thing, and then you can go read this one-shot, but now I've just been very sad and not doing that

honestly writing this is making me realize I need to go read fanfic, it was literally helping my mental health so much to find joy in these fictions)

I have so many things that are almost done right now, but I find them so hard to edit or finish. Like I don't feel it's good enough, so I just keep tweaking at them or trying to finish them.

but last year I wrote around 300k? ish? My current word count including new ghost stuff is like 270k on ao3 and doesn't include any tumblr-only things I've written (plus I orphaned some stuff that cause I don't like the ship anymore) I wanna get back into writing, and I'm hoping school is gonna help me with that. I'm very excited to be going back to college and I think it's gonna help me start feeling a lot better about me in general.

anyway that was a ramble, but mainly like mental illness, setting a good work environment, a good motivation, and enjoying what you write are big things for me personally in a lot of what I got done last year

[plutodetective]

Something that I noticed about Jonathan and Mina so far is that they haven't even talked to each other in the story, but they are already in an established relationship. So there is no getting to know each other, development of their relationship in stages up to proposing. So it doesn't classify as a romance, but they do things that show desire to reunite (ike Mina saying she can't wait and that one day she may give her new travel journal to him to share with)

I think that does still classify as a romance, just not a very traditional one, in terms of literary conventions (trust JonMina to not be traditional even when it comes to that. I love them, your honor.) I wish there were more fictional romances that focused on the post-getting-together part, in the commitment, the challenges that go beyond "will they or won't they?" I absolutely love how we can see how in love and devoted to each other these two are, without even seeing them interacting. I have a friend who's a first time reader, and she said she can't remember the last time she felt this invested in the main romance in a classic book, and she hasn't even seen them together! I love that they already know each other, have known each other for years, and even though they're so young, this is a more "mature" romance than we usually see depicted in media, in the sense that the relationship itself has lasted for longer and faced more challenges than we usually see in romances that only cover the beginning of the relationship.

(Sorry for talking about my own book here, but I'm writing an original series with a sapphic main couple that investigates mysteries together. The other day I was in a zoom call with a woman who runs a sapphic book club, and when I said that my series does start with them meeting, but that it covers decades of their lives and ends when they have a son in college, she was so excited, because there's nearly no sapphic romance that goes beyond those early stages. And I don't think that's exclusive to sapphic fiction. We need more romances that cover life after the early getting to know each other period, and has challenges like "working to earn enough money to get married" and "planning how to be married and also business partners", and I love JonMina for having been that so early on.)

[pandoramsbox]

Science Fiction Saturdays

Friday nights in for my partner and I usually involve pizza and a special effects laden (possibly junky) movie. During the shelter-in-place era of the Pandemic, we fell into going through curated series, rather than random picks. We went through Criterion's Godzilla Showa Era boxed set (plus the American and recent films featuring the kaiju icon), the filmographies of Guillermo del Toro and Edgar Wright, King Kong (Dir. Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1933) and its sequels and remakes, and then the Fast & the Furious franchise.

In trying to figure out "what next?" in mid-2021, conversations about re-watching favorite films and contemporary movies we missed merged into a "what if we go through the history of cinematic sci-fi?"

For reasons of access and time, going through every science fiction film is an impossibility. So--film school alumni that we are--we have elected to do a survey approach, and go chronologically through key, influential, beloved and/or representative works of the genre.

Still, that covers a lot of ground, so here's the criteria we're using for selecting titles:

1. Must be of the science fiction genre. "Science Fiction" for our purposes is defined as a work focusing on a vision of the future, humanity's relationship with technology, new/experimental scientific or technological advancements, space travel, and/or extraterrestrial beings. Some films were omitted for being more rooted in fantasy, or because they're based on historic events in human space exploration. For the most part, we are sticking to feature films, but shorts, serials and select television episodes are going to be in the mix.

2. The work needs to be accessible. Specifically, it needs to be available on a contemporary home video format, in a transfer of adequate visual and audio quality, and intelligible for someone with English language fluency.

3. Sequels/prequels/remakes require justification, and/or must be iconic in their own right. This qualification came up whilst contending with the fact that we own every film in multiple sci-fi franchises. Do we really need to watch ALL the Terminator and Star Trek movies for this series? No.

Based on past precedent, my partner asked me if I was going to blog about this viewing series. I was on the fence because I haven't regularly blogged about cinema in a few years, mostly due to life events turning me off of doing so. Not wanting to repeat the stress around posting daily, if I was to do it, I wanted to accumulate enough posts to be ahead a few weeks at a time.

Well, we've been at this project for over two years now, and we've watched over 100 films. I think I am overdue to start blogging.

Henceforth, every Saturday, I am going to post about our journey through sci-fi cinema. Hope you enjoy!

[anewstartfanfic]

does A New Start still have things like the real world like brands(gucci, channel, dior), music(ariana grande, shawn mendas, enhypen), celebrities(kim kardashian, zendaya),places, restuaraunts, etc...

Yes and no, I'm trying to make this modern but also keeping to the source material like, yes there's cell phones but also den den mushi, singers...it's going to be weird to put real world singers into this so I usually use anime or fictional singers but to not drive myself crazy, the old world composers like Beethoven and Chopin still existed but a LONG time ago. Brands exist but also the world's exclusive brands that I'll probably just make up XD I haven't decided with fast food yet because I kind of incorporate a lot of other culture equivalents like instead of fast food restaurants about, there's yatai carts about that sells cheap food and vending machines but also cafes and things for sit down places. open air markets and such but there's also movie theaters and things like that. Also, there's going to be a lack of cars depending on the region I took a lot of inspiration from Kino's journey where people choose to be travelers rather than pirates and those who don't want to do either just use train or ferry and ferrymen and conductors are the most bamf in the New Start world because their jobs are to protect passengers from pirates, Marines, and the like. They won't hesitate.

[gravitasmalfunction]

Hi how are you! I'm super curious about what books you like to read and some recent faves maybe? (I'm totally not just trying to get recs)

Ah! I am flattered and also so sorry in advance (insert the "oh good, you will regret this" meme here).

I haven't been reading much lately, because cdramas, but I will claim Vanessa Len's debut Only a Monster and its sequel in the in-progress series, Never a Hero, as my most recent faves. It's got urban fantasy, time travel, parallel world sort of stuff going on with a young adult/coming of age, finding and reconciling oneself as a product of two very different cultures, sort of story. It's clever and emotional and romantic and exciting and tragic and basically I loved it. I can't wait for the next one.

Cut to spare the unwilling from scrolling-induced RSI:

My Libby app also reminds me that I enjoyed Lex Croucher's most recent historical romance, Trouble, very much, along with the earlier ones, Infamous and Reputation. Croucher is funny and I like her approach to addressing the social justice issues inherent to the genre and setting of the (nominally) regency romance. My favourite regencies are funny - see also Faro's Daughter, The Corinthian and Sylvester by Georgette Heyer. Amanda Quick's regencies are also usually good for this, too.

I have only read three Kylie Chan books (martial arts fantasy) but I ate them up with a spoon and also was mad at myself for not realising sooner that it's a series of serieses, but I read all of Earth to Hell, Hell to Heaven and Heaven to Wudang in three days straight. There's at least one series before that one and at least another one after, but it was perfectly enjoyable from where I started except now I know spoilers for the earlier books. But that's a me problem.

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir - a recent enough fave and a rec, if you like your orphans traumatised, your sci-fi magical and your world-building drip fed by a capable and merciless author. If you don't entirely hate it on first read you have much enjoyment coming on second and third reads. The series is not yet finished but there is already several lifetimes of fanworks to tide us over until the next book(s) come out.

Some older faves, in no particular order:

Martha Wells' standalone fantasy novels, and her Ill-Rien novels. The Wheel of the Infinite and The City of Bones are very enjoyable standalones. And The Element of Fire is just *chef's kiss* if you're an enjoyer of angry, feral young women characters and hot, competent men with swords who can actually take directions.

Douglas Adams' everything, and most especially the Dirk Gently books.

Tom Robbins. How to explain Tom Robbins. The universe said to itself sometime in the early 20th century, let's make an American guy who can write women because he genuinely respects and loves them, and he will also write the goofiest, weirdest, most high-concept, new-age, sexual, gross, magical realist fiction the Pacific North-West in the 1970s and 80s will ever produce. Still Life With Woodpecker is essentially a journal of the author's experience with his new typewriter inserted into the body of his latest novel, a modern fairytale involving environmentalism and pyramids. Jitterbug Perfume is a historical fantastical epic about sex, immortality, beets and fragrance, amongst other things. Half Asleep In Frog Pyjamas is about a stockbroker and a psychic and frogs, among other things.

And to finish, I will rec Iain M Banks. The Algebraist is a standalone sci-fi novel and if you like it, you will almost certainly like the Culture series. The Culture series doesn't have to be read in publication order, or even in-universe chronological order; each book is standalone in its own right, but some reference in-universe historical events that are the subject of one or more of the other books. For first-time readers, I would recommend The Player of Games to start with. As well as being a fun story, I think it's a good introduction to the concept of the Culture, and if you enjoy the themes and motifs etc you will see them again in other Culture books. In no particular order, some of my faves are Excession, Inversions, Surface Detail, The Hydrogen Sonata, and Matter.

If you like any of these in particular, let me know, and I can dig around for some more recs like them!

Happy reading!

[nishisun]

suna rintaro is NOT a genius.

summary: you loved the idea of soulmates. suna rintaro didn’t. it isn’t that hard to put two and two together to realize that maybe people with different opinions on things don’t belong together.

part 2

a/n: this was literally supposed to be a series, i gave up on it because i just didn’t like the way it turned out. it used to be called “out of my league” and this was the intro. i also renamed it. just emptying drafts!! please don’t get confused with the random timeskip, once again, this was a part of a series i never ended up posting😭

WARNING!!: suggestive themes, mentions of death, idk kinda angsty but tell me if i missed anything

Soulmates. Whatever the hell that means. The idea of soulmates is something I truly don’t understand. It’s bullshit, honestly. It’s all-pervasive.

My mother always told me I'd eventually find "the one.” I used to believe that when I was younger of course. But in my opinion? It’s all cliches. It's unhelpful, and it's certainly not true. Destiny is an excuse for the weak. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce? It's 'cause people who believe they are “destined to be" assume everything will fall into place without any effort. I don't appreciate people pontificating bullshit like that just to make me feel better, especially if they haven't found their "soulmate" themselves. My sister once told me, “People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and encounter more difficulty in their relationship, which will lead them to give up on one another eventually.”

I sure do believe that.

My mother is a prime example. Fumeiko Suna, my dear mother. Well, she clearly hasn’t found hers. I found out when I came home after a tedious day of school in 5th grade and found my dear mother on the floor crying, with bruises all over her face and a busted lip.

Initially, I thought a burglar had broken into our home once again, but if that were the case then there would’ve been missing furniture. But there wasn’t.

In fact, the place seemed cleaner than usual. When I ran up to her and asked her what had happened, there he was. The devil himself. My father. He reeked of alcohol, and I could detect his shadow towering over me. It’s funny how that I think of it. I used to fear that son of a bitch. Now, I’m way taller than him, and hate his guts. I turned around to see a faux-sympathetic smile plastered on his face.

He explained how my mother was being “clumsy” and had fell and busted her lip on one of the corners of the kitchen table and when I turned back around to face my mother, she smiled gently and nodded in agreement. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was then I realized my father had beat my mother to a pulp.

Long story short, when I found it was my father, sure, I was frightened. In fact, I remember going into my siblings’ rooms to inform them, they shrugged it off and told me that dad had been doing it for a while now.

Over time, when my dad had found out that I was aware, he didn't mind beating the absolute shit out of my mother in front of all three of us. This was when my burning hatred for that man started. Nobody in the house even attempted to stop him. I did a few times, though. He took all his anger out on me. At least my mom had a break for the day.

I almost pitied my mother. Almost. Maybe if she was strong enough to leave him, then yeah, I’d feel bad. But she still decides to stay with his sorry ass. It’s pathetic. It’s unrequited love or whatever you call it. How could she still love that asshole?

I mean, I’m not even going to lie, I’m an asshole too, but I’m definitely not my dad. I would never want to be him. He’s not someone I looked up to, he doesn’t do anything inspirational. He’s a businessman. He travels the majority of the time, and I’m pretty sure my mom invites men over when he’s gone. I don’t care enough to find out. But if I ever hear some guy rearranging my mom’s guts, I’ll kill him. I don’t even blame my mother. What she’s doing is wrong, she knows it and so do both of my older siblings. But they don't seem to care so why should I?

Who knows why she just won’t leave him. Maybe it’s cause they don’t want to ruin how people view our “picture perfect” family. I wonder what they’d say. “I thought the Suna’s were the ideal family? I guess not.”

My dad would probably lose it if he heard that.

Both my mother and my father are the cause of this broken family of mine. They never fed me or any of my siblings the love we always desired when we were younger. They never came to any of my volleyball games when I was younger. They never applauded me for the little recitals we’d have in class in primary school. They were never even here for most of my childhood. They always put money first and left us with the housekeepers. Hell, the housekeepers probably know me better than my own parents.They failed as parents. I despise them for it. They’re most likely the reason I am the way I am, but to be honest?

I don’t give a fuck.

In fact, I should thank them! Because of how they “raised” me, i’m extremely blunt, which is why people respect me. I use the hatred I have for my family and take it out on people and no, I’m not proud of that. I may be a heartless asshole, but I like that people fear me. The hell? Does that make me a sadist? Either way, people know to never fuck with me cause I’d fuck their shit up. I’ve overheard many people say it’s ‘cause of my privilege. It probably is. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy you many other things.

If my parents were broke, I’d probably be expelled from school by now. Abuse of alcohol and drugs are forbidden on school property. I don’t even take them at school, I somewhat care about my education and health, but sometimes I just need to blow some steam. Even if I did, nobody’s gonna say shit since my dad is the head of Japan’s board of education. How did his ass even get there?

Call me lonely or cynical. Maybe I am. But how is that a bad thing? Why do people need a significant other to rely on? What, a soulmate is just going to turn my life upside down then suddenly bring me happiness? Pfft, I’m gonna need actual proof that shit like that still happens. I’ve only seen shit like that in fairy tale movies. It’s whatever, though. I can live with being alone. I’ve basically been alone my whole life and it isn’t as bad as people make it.

You loved the idea of having a soulmate. The thought of meeting someone who just understood you, accepted you for who you were, and most importantly, loved you excited you. You couldn’t wait to meet your soulmate.

But recently, you weren’t sure soulmates existed.

When your older sister, Akira, came into your room and burst into tears, it frightened you. Your older sister, the one who’d always provide you advice on relationships and how to keep one was in your room sobbing hysterically because hers hadn’t worked out.

“I just can't believe it,” she sobbed.

You couldn’t believe it either. Your sister had recently gotten engaged to her boyfriend of 9 years. They started dating at the age of 15 and managed to make things work out even after high school, and out of all those years of dating, they never broke up. Not even once.

They’d go on romantic dates on Saturdays and they’d always write love letters to one another every day, just to remind one another of how grateful they were to have each other in their lives. On Halloween, they’d dress up as fictional characters from TV shows and books and take cute selfies and bake a bunch of sweets. They’d invite you to come bake with them, but you would politely deny. You knew they were only offering so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you appreciated.

Of course, they’d argue every now and then, but at the end of the day, they always managed to talk things out. Oh to have a relationship like theirs. They were everything you wanted to have in a relationship and more.

“I really thought he was the one for me, y’know?” No, you don’t know. But that doesn't matter. What mattered was cheering your sister up.

“Maybe he wasn’t ‘the one’ Akira, and that’s okay! People come and go all the time, soulmates come and go all the time as well-”

“You still believe soulmates are real, huh?” she let out a humorless laugh and sniffed her nose, “What If I missed my one shot at love, Y/N? What if I lost my soulmate?”

That’s some deep shit.

Now that you think about it, were soulmates real? Soulmates come and go, yes, you’re aware of that, but even though they leave, it’s always temporary. Soulmates always find a way back to their other half, the piece that completes them.

Your dad never made it back to your mother.

He died in a car crash 5 years ago. Your mother and father had been arguing because she claimed your father was cheating on her since he wouldn’t let her check his phone.

You were 13 at the time. Your sister Akira was accompanying you in your room, listening to them arguing back and forth with one another. There was furniture flying across the room, glass breaking, and both of them throwing curses at each other. You were scared. They never argued in front of you and your sister. They'd bicker sometimes, but it was never anything too deep.

Eventually, your father had enough of your mother’s false accusations, and out of anger, he packed his things and left home. For weeks. It wasn’t until one of your uncles called your mother and broke the news. She didn’t take it very well.

Late 2012-early 2013.

Not many people came to your father’s funeral, his family didn’t like the fact that he and your mother were together, they said your mother was trouble, but your dad still stayed with her, even if that meant it would completely destroy the bond he had with his family. Now that’s true love, you had thought. Only your mother, Akira, the Sunas, your uncle, and you, of course, attended the funeral.

It hurt a lot. It hurt when your mother informed both your grandparents on your mother and father’s side and all they could do is put the blame on her. It hurt how they had claimed you, Akira and your mother were a hindrance to your dear father’s well-being. How could they be so cruel at a time like this?

That was the first time you ever questioned if soulmates were real. Maybe they fell in love at the wrong time? Who knows.

After your father’s passing, Fumiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, was there to help your family out financially. Your mother couldn’t even find the motivating to go to work. Your mother and Fumiko have been best friends since junior high, they’ve literally been inseparable ever since. In fact, after they both got married, they decided to live right next to each other.

Your mom didn’t cope with your father’s death very well; none of you did. But your mom had it the worst.

She would cope with alcohol and clubbing which would always result in her bringing different men home almost every night. You didn’t say much about it, you thought it would be selfish to since that’s what seemed to make your mother feel better about herself, but your sister hated it. She was already 19 and in college at the time, but when she visited and found out that your mother had basically been neglecting you, she was furious.

“Seriously, mom? This is what you’re gonna do while your 13-year-old daughter is in her room having a literal mental breakdown because of your childish behavior?” Your sister had barged into your mother’s room when she thought you were asleep, she was screaming loud.

“You’re interrupting something important, Akira. You know better than to-”

“Oh, shut the hell up mom. You’re the last person on earth to be saying shit like that.”

“Well, if you’re done, you can leave my room now. You’re being disrespectful, and this behavior is not tolerated!” Your mother was screaming now. The man in the bed covering his body under the covers and looking back and forth between Akira and your mother.

“Sakiya, maybe you should hear your daughter out-”

“Not now.” your mother scarcely interrupted the man, eye contact never leaving Akira. “Y/N has never complained about this when you were in college. She knows this is my way of coping, why can’t you understand that too!”

Akira scoffed. “So what, getting fucked by random strangers you find on the filthy streets is your way of coping? Getting wasted every damn night to the point where Y/N has to drag you up to bed is okay with you? Do you even know how much this is affecting Y/N? Did you even bother asking her how she felt? I hate breaking it to you mom, but you need serious help.”

“You selfish child!” Your mother screamed, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, getting up from the bed. “How dare you say that to your own mother?”

“I’m only telling the truth! If you’re the mother, then it’s your job to be taking care of Y/N, not neglecting her. When’s the last time you’ve engross in an actual conversation with her when you were fully sober?”

Your mother was silent. She quickly walked up to Akira and grabbed her by the hair and slammed her headfirst against the wall.

“You’ve got a big mouth! Maybe I should wash it with soap like I did back in the day, hm?” Akira was attempting to push her mother away, but she wouldn’t let go of her grip. The man that was still on your mother’s bed was in panic, yelling her name, which didn’t have any effect. He might as well stop.

"Look," Akira mumbled, struggling to get away from your mother's grip, "I know it's been hard ever since dad left-"

“Mom! Let go of her!” You cried from the door of her room.

All 3 adults froze and looked at your glassy eyes, mouths wide open.

“Hey, kiddo, I thought you were asleep?” Akira playfully said, your mother let go of Akira and crossed her arms then looked away from you.

“Well, I can't really go to sleep when there’s a bunch of adults yelling about my well-being,” you muttered incoherently. You quickly wiped the uncontrollable tears off your face and sighed.

“Honey,” your mom started, she walked slowly to you, carefully examined your face, and attempted to hug you, but you didn’t accept the offer which made your mother frown. She stopped walking until she was almost face to face with you and placed a hand on your shoulder gently. “Baby, your sister told me that you weren’t happy. Is this true?”

You looked away from her and stared dully at the floor, subtly shifting your feet, then you softly shook your head “no.”

“See Akira, Y/N is happy. So please stop stressing her out.” Your mother said through gritted teeth, then faced you once again. “Y/N honey, how about I go tuck you into bed, hm? I’m so sorry for the excessive noise that was caused.”

“Mom, how clueless can you be? Y/N looks miserable! It’s unhealthy for Y/N to be living-“

Slap.

Your mother just slapped Akira on the face.

“I know what’s best for my daughter! I am her mother! You are not the one who should be telling me how to take care of my own kid!”

“That’s enough, Sakiya.” a familiar voice said from the door.

“Fumeiko-“

“It’s fine. Sakiya, we need to talk.” It was Fumeiko Suna, your mother’s best friend, also known as your next door neighbor. She had been standing in the hallways the whole time, you didn’t even know she was there. Akira was the one who called her over.

That night your mother agreed to get help for her drinking problem. She was gone for 6 months. During those 6 months, the Suna’s took you in since Akira would be in college and you couldn’t have been more grateful.

You and Rintaro were the only kids in the house, being that you both were the same age and the others were in college. It was okay, they were all very polite, dinners were awkward, you could feel some sort of tension between the family but you didn’t pay any attention to it.

When your mom finally came back, it was awkward at first. She still seemed the same, loving and caring, just sober and free of alcohol. It was nice. You two spent the weekends bonding at the mall, watching a movie, or even getting your nails done. Eventually, she gained your trust back, and you couldn’t have been happier.

January 2017.

“Akira, don’t say that. You may not believe me now, but you are such an amazing person, don’t ever think you’ll never find love again. It’s all about having a positive mindset!” you said, thoughtfully stroking her hair as her head laid on your chest.

“I told you that.”

“You did,” you chuckled, “you should take your own advice.

“Oh, shut up!” you both laughed, and Akira let out a shaky sigh. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course, you don't need to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— so this is one of the writings that i wrote in January 😭 it’s been in my drafts and i re-read it once and instantly hated it right after. if there’s any typos please tell me!!

— also i wanna apologize again for putting gmds on hiatus,, i feel so bad 😭 i wanna make it up to you guys but idk how so if you have suggestions pls tell me

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨ hello! I've never interacted before but I've read all of your posts! I really love your version of chuuya, can't get enough of it! :D I hope you're all better now uwu thank you for this event I'm so excited :D

first of all I'm smoller than chuuya hehe

I consider myself an extrovert who can be very shy at first. if i manage to somehow feel comfortable w someone (as in they are warm and open to me), I become super chatty and bubbly, but I can be very quiet and reserved when I'm among a bunch of people or with someone I haven't really connected. in that case i need to warm up a bit first.

altho I love hanging out with my loved ones, I need "just-me" moments too. I like joking and making people laugh and this goofy and "witty" side of me is best seen when I chat or post insta stories, rather than irl.

I can be quite awkward when I talk with people irl. I'm super affectionate with the people I love and actually I can be quite clingy. I need constant attention and love or I start feeling insecure.

I have lots of interests (too many to keep up), that are somehow linked: animanga, asian dramas, webtoons, fantasy, books, insta poetry, linguistics and language learning, graphic design, fiction, history, sociology and whatever is grabbing my attention at the moment.

I also suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, have short attention span, but lots of focus when I shouldn't have, lots of dreams, anxieties and hopes. I often sign up for too many things at once (and regret it) but stillll there's so much to dooo and no timeeeeee

for all my easygoing attitude, I have high uncertainty avoidance: scared of talking to people I've interacted w before, hesitant of like asking informations to a stranger, worried about uni exams I'm not fully prepared for, deeply anxious about a new part time job etc.

I usually procrastinate a lot (and also a mild perfectionist, what a curse) , am disorganised and am a bit of a scatterbrain, often sleep late but! I'm doing si much better now! After I started physically attending uni, moved out and got a roommate I'm doing much better: I wake up in time, I try to study regularly, Im learning how to cook, I clean after myself uwu

I think this means that when I'm somehow in a situation where I should be responsible (got a roommate, living away from home) I really try to do my best. so proud of myself rn! I'm also in this w my bffs so we helping each other become better

sadly for chuchu I don't drink at all! I would also wait a long time to do the full snu snu, until I feel like this person is here to stay. light snu snu is okay hehe. I'm also a bit lazy and while I like visiting new places and all I get tired of traveling and I don't like "being a tourist" (as in, walking a lot, going from one place to the other, taking lots of pictures, guided tours and all that jazz). I like to do things at my own pace and feel cozy :D

I hope this helps!

:D anon

hi dear!! ✨ thank you so much for taking part in our little event! it's lovely to hear from long-time readers like you🥺 i'm doing much better than before, although still not quite well, thank you for asking!

here's a little bit of your chuuya for you!

i won't even get into detail about how much chuuya loves that he's the slightest bit taller than you. it activates his protection mode- and he sure loves being in that mode when he's around you.

chuuya isn't quick to figure out your innate need for attention/affection- he just thinks you're clingy for a bit and would indulge you while he can and then he's gone off to work again. it would take you opening up to him and having a genuine conversation for him to actually get it in his head, but after that don't worry, he's at your side as much as possible. when he can't, he's texting or calling you. there's never a day you'll feel once that he doesn't care about you.

he absolutely loves your humor! granted you did say it comes out mostly when you chat or on your insta stories but he definitely has an appreciation of it even beyond the screen. especially if it’s derived from all the varied interests you have? you’ve got chuuya hooked. you've just got a spark of joy in you that's hard to find in other people that draws chuuya to you.

if you need him to catch you at times when your uncertainty avoidance gets too much, don't fret because he won't mind doing it for you. but chuuya's more of a proactive person hismelf, so there are occasions where instead of fully taking the responsibility, he'll be, instead, by your side and making sure you don't feel alone as you face your own anxiety on your own!

chuuya has absolutely no idea at first what to do with your maladaptive daydreaming. but once he figures out the ropes he's there for you all the time. need to be more engaged and grounded in reality? he's there, holding you down. need to go to therapy for it or would rather talk to a doctor? he's bringing you to the clinic himself. he'll learn your triggers (if any) and make sure to keep you out of them when possible. it'll take a bit for him to figure it out, but once he does, he's your best ally.

he watches you work on yourself and get better and handling the daily routine, and is super proud of you for every step you're taking in the right direction. he's there to help you whenever you stumble, but for the most part he just loves being able to sit back and watch you slowly get better at avoiding procrastination, studying, sleeping, etc. etc!

related to that, he's definitely going to be super thankful once you've moved in with him and can help him with that kind of regulation. it's not that he can't do it on his own, just sometimes he also deeply struggles with it, especially with mafia work, and to be able to have someone by his side who can help him is a big plus for him.

he'll be fine with you not drinking, he's always got a bottle of a nonalcoholic drink for you to enjoy while he's getting tipsy. but this is only for when you're at home! if you're outside, say, on a dinner, he'll refrain from drinking because he'd rather not have to be a burden on you when he gets drunk. don't worry, it doesn't dampen the experience one bit, because he loves just being with you to begin with!

your extroverted side matched with a tendency to pull back when you're around others you aren't close with is something chuuya deeply appreciates- some dark part in him enjoys that he can have you all for himself in certain situations. but i think the two of you will still be a great match because chuuya absolutely needs someone to ground him as well, and also to stop his little alcohol problem 😂

[ikjun]

4, 6, 13 and 20!!! if you can't tell i am BUZZING about al book questions evening

what sections of a bookstore do you browse?

i go in specific order which is: english adult fiction, crime fiction, classics, biographical non-fiction, comics and all that, english YA / fantasy!

what books have you read in the last month?

this is how you lose the time war by amal eh-mohtar and max gladstone, the invisible life of addie la rue and vicious (reread) by v.e. schwab. and i just started kim jiyoung, born 1982 by cho nam-joo.

do you have a goodreads?

nope. that site is EH. i keep track in a notebook i have.

what are things you look for in a book?

whew. good question. i love a good and compelling story, something that makes sense when i read and doesn't have gotcha moment but rather a narrative that unfolds in a pleasing way. but even more than that, i need characters that hook me in. i don't like most of the tropy 'dynamics', or let's call them ships ... because usually they never put something new into the tropes or readers often times just fully lack the reading comprehension to make them interesting to engage with and talk about (think darklina in shadow and bone, which worst ship ever for 10000 reasons lol).

i like characters and dynamics that hit me a little sideways, that might not be there at first, that progress in ways i haven't written hundred times before or if they have, that at least bring something unique to them. i seem to enjoy less urban-centric stories as well, though i quite enjoy a good sci-fi story here and there. i like good protagonists that are human and can do wrong but are still good at the end of the day. i like villains who are unflinchingly villainous and complicated and don't need to be woobified. in the same way i like when books have neither (think of books like normal people) and just talk about every day events. it always hinges on characters and writing style for me.

i have picked up random no-big-name books while traveling or in my local bookstore bc i liked the writing or the characters / story seemed interesting. and most times i enjoyed reading those books more than the more franchise-driven ones lmao. i also think many american writers just don't write well.

send in some book asks!

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #1

Victor

Hi! My name's Victor Nelson. Welcome to my online journal!

Since this is the first entry, it might be good to start by telling you something about myself, right? Let's see...

I’m 25 years old, my birthday is the second of December, and my favourite colours are blue and red.. I like food, naps, and taking way too many selfies which I shamelessly post on Simstagram. Some people say I'm hyper and that I'm over the top, but I like to think of myself as energetic, enthusiastic and adventurous.

I love sports, and particularly winter sports like snowboarding, skiing and skating. Especially snowboarding! Fortunately for me, I currently live in Mt. Komorebi, Japan, where I can snowboard all year long on the mountain, Yukimatsu. I'm really good at snowboarding, even if I say so myself. In fact, I do it competitively, and I've won medals. My friends say I'm a showoff, but I say if you've got a talent, why hide it?

Another thing I love is travelling. So far, I haven't visited very many places, but moving from my hometown, Willow Creek, all the way to Mt. Komorebi was so exciting that now I've decided I want to travel the world! I think I was bitten by the travel bug the minute I stepped off the plane and into a brand new environment that I’d never seen before.

Oh, you want to know why I came to Japan in the first place? Okay, I'm more than willing to tell you all about it.

This adorable boy right here is my partner and best friend, Yuri Okamoto. Yes, I took this picture, and yes, it's terrible. Photography isn't my greatest talent, probably because I spend too much time doing sports and not enough time practicing with my camera. Maybe I can improve it during my world travels, though.

Yuri and I met online, and there was an instant connection between us. It was instant from my perspective, at least. I guess you’ll have to ask Yuri if he fell for me at first sight like I fell for him.

I hardly ever do anything slowly or halfway, which basically explains why I’m here. Yuri and I wanted to be together in person, so I made up my mind to visit, and I may have forgotten to get a return ticket. I may also have given up the lease on my flat in Willow Creek, and sold my car. You get the idea. But, it’s been absolutely fantastic, being here with him. Mt. Komorebi is stunning, and have I mentioned the year-round snowboarding? Year-round snowboarding! But, anyway…

Yuri’s glad that I decided to move here too, although he was kind of shocked at first that it wasn't just a visit after all. Yuri is more circumspect than me, which is a good thing because we balance each other. I can be a little impulsive sometimes, so having a best friend who’s more cautious helps keep me from getting into too much trouble.

Okay, so maybe 'best friend’ isn't entirely accurate. I mean, we're definitely best friends, and we're partners like I said, but I think it's more complicated than that. I love him with every fiber of my being, but we're not lovers exactly. Soulmates? I think that's it.

Our friends tease us a lot about our names and the fact that we're so close. Apparently, we resemble the main characters from an animated series that's very popular here in Mt. Komorebi. I've never seen it, personally. I usually can't sit still long enough for television. Yuri says we look a bit like those characters too, and I'm fine with taking his word for it, but I can assure you that we are our own unique, individual selves and any resemblance to some fictional TV characters is purely coincidental.

Okay! Now, on to the reason why I've decided to make this journal. Even though I'd be perfectly happy to go on for ages about my adorable Yuri, the real reason I'm doing this is to chronicle my travels. Check this out!

My next voyage is going to be to Sulani. As much as I love winter and the cool, fresh air of Mt. Komorebi, the idea of visiting a tropical paradise where it never snows truly fascinates me. I won't get to do any snowboarding while I'm there, but I'll bet there’ll be lots of awesome water sports I can try. I've been looking at travel books about the island, and I've heard all the legends about the merpeople of Sulani. Maybe I'll get to meet a merperson, if I'm lucky.

The only thing that worries me about going to a place where it never snows is what the weather might get up to in lieu of snowing. Thunderstorms. I can't stand them. Camping on the beach is going to be amazing, but I'm not sure what I'll do if there are any thunderstorms, especially if Yuri isn't around to console me. He's really good at that.

Maybe I can convince him to come along.

Anyway, I guess I'll figure everything out when the time comes. I know I have to do some planning, but I don't like to organize my life too much. I like spontaneity. Yuri says I'm impetuous, but I prefer 'carefree'.

Whatever happens, I'll be sure to keep this updated so all of you can follow along with me on my adventures. See you soon!

[introvertguide]

Star Wars (1977); AFI #13

In honor of May 4th and the original movie that started it all, the group reviewed Star Wars (1977). Nominated for 10 Academy Awards and winning 6 with one extra special achievement award for Sound, this is perhaps the most highly decorated science fiction movie of all time. The special effects and the music were especially moving making the Star Wars experience something amazing to behold. I was lucky enough to see one of the re-releases in the theatre back in the mid 80s. In fact, I might well have seen the film 100 times over my life. The music might be the most well known soundtrack globally. With inflation, this is the 4th highest grossing film of all time. It is truly a fantastic work and I would like to now spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it. Let me start with the usual:

SPOILER WARNING!!! I DON'T THINK THERE ARE MANY WHO HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM, BUT FOR THOSE FEW THAT DON'T KNOW, I AM GOING TO RUIN THE PLOT!!! STOP NOW AND GO WATCH IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Amid a galactic civil war, Rebel Alliance spies have stolen plans to the Galactic Empire's Death Star, a massive space station capable of destroying an entire planet. Imperial Senator Princess Leia of Alderaan (Carrie Fisher), secretly one of the Rebellion's leaders, has obtained its schematics (this entire effort was originally a throwaway concept but was completely fleshed out in Rogue One almost 40 years later) , but her starship is intercepted by an Imperial Star Destroyer under the command of the ruthless Darth Vader (acted by David Prowse and voiced by James Earl Jones). The movie is just starting and the odds against the rebels are shown by the scale of the two ships. Before she is captured, Leia hides the plans in the memory of an astromech droid called R2-D2 (Kenny Baker), who flees in an escape pod to the desert planet Tatooine accompanied by protocol droid C-3PO (Anthony Daniels).

The droids are captured by Jawa traders (little shiny eyed beings who are now meme legends), who sell them to moisture farmers Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill). While Luke is cleaning R2-D2, part of a holographic recording of Leia starts playing a message for Obi-Wan Kenobi where she requests his help ("Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"). Later, after Luke finds R2-D2 missing, he is attacked by scavenging Sand People while searching for him, but is rescued by elderly hermit "Old Ben" Kenobi (Sir Alec Guinness), an acquaintance of Luke's, who reveals that "Obi-Wan" is his true name. Obi-Wan tells Luke of his days as one of the Jedi Knights, the former peacekeepers of the Galactic Republic who drew mystical abilities from a metaphysical energy field known as "the Force", but were ultimately hunted to near-extinction by the Empire. Luke learns that his father fought alongside Obi-Wan as a Jedi Knight during the Clone Wars (another throwaway concept that was eventually fleshed out) until Vader, Obi-Wan's former pupil, turned to the dark side of the Force and murdered him. Obi-Wan presents Luke with his father's old lightsaber, the signature weapon of Jedi Knights. The connection between Darth Vader and Luke's father is explored in depth during the next eight films.

R2-D2 plays Leia's full message, in which she begs Obi-Wan to take the Death Star plans to her home planet of Alderaan and give them to her father, a fellow veteran, for analysis. Although Luke initially declines Obi-Wan's offer to accompany him to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force, he is left with no choice after discovering that Imperial stormtroopers have killed his aunt and uncle and destroyed their farm in their search for the droids (cue the Academy and Grammy Award winning theme music composed by John Williams). Traveling to a cantina in Mos Eisley to search for transport, Luke and Obi-Wan hire Han Solo (Harrison Ford), a smuggler with a price on his head due to his debt to local mobster Jabba the Hutt. Pursued by stormtroopers, Obi-Wan, Luke, R2-D2 and C-3PO flee Tatooine with Han and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) on their ship the Millennium Falcon. As they reach the planet's orbit, two Star Destroyers try to intercept them, but Han is able to jump to hyperspace by reaching lightspeed.

Before the Falcon can reach Alderaan, Death Star commander Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) interrogates Leia about the location of the Rebels's secret base, with the threat of destroying her home planet, and, when she answers that the base is on Dantooine, he orders Alderaan destroyed simply as a show of force. As the group arrives in the asteroid field that now stands in place of Alderaan, Han spots an Imperial TIE fighter and is taunted into chasing it and shooting it down, allowing the Falcon to be captured by the space station's tractor beam. Inside the Death Star, Obi-Wan attempts to disable the tractor beam, and Luke persuades Han and Chewbacca to help him rescue Leia after discovering that she is scheduled to be executed. After disabling the tractor beam, Obi-Wan sacrifices his life in an epic lightsaber duel with Vader, allowing the rest of the group to escape the Death Star with Leia. Using a tracking device, the Empire tracks the Falcon to the hidden Rebel base.

Leia's schematics reveal a hidden weakness in the Death Star's thermal exhaust port, which could allow the Rebels to trigger a chain reaction in its main reactor with a precise torpedo strike. While Han abandons the Rebels after collecting his reward for rescuing Leia, Luke joins their starfighter squadron in a desperate attack against the approaching Death Star. In the ensuing battle, the Rebels suffer heavy losses as Vader leads a squadron of TIE fighters against them, but Han unexpectedly returns to aid them in the Falcon, narrowly managing to save Luke before Vader can shoot him down. Guided by the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan's spirit, Luke turns off his targeting computer and uses the Force to aim his torpedoes into the exhaust port, destroying the Death Star moments before it fires on the Rebel base. In a triumphant ceremony at the base, Leia awards Luke and Han medals for their heroism.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want to explain the connection between this movie and the Joseph Campbell version of the hero's journey that so many people have pointed out. This journey starts out with a call to adventure that is refused and then forced (Luke is given an opportunity to leave, he declines, the death of his family pushes him forward, he leaves with his team). Campbell then predicts an initiation that involves meeting a woman and gaining weapons, a meeting with an incredible power, and an achievement of the hero's power (goes to star destroyer, meets Vader and loses Obi-Wan, gains power over force). The story ends with a refusal, a magic flight, a rescue from without, and a hero's return (Luke goes to attack the Death Star, Han refuses and then eventually saves him, and the day is saved so the heroes are rewarded). It is a story that is called the Monomyth and has been recognized in Greek myths that are thousands of years old. It is a good story that has been proven to work and it makes for one of the most enjoyable movies of all time.

There was some negative opinions of the film because it is such a simple old story that became extremely popular and film goers would no longer be interested in intelligent thinking movies. It is kind of the truth because blockbuster summer films are full of explosions. The highest grossing films since then have tended to be highly explosive action films. Films like Star Wars, Jaws, and Indiana Jones are a lot of fun, but they are not super deep. They are easy to understand at surface level, but they can also be interpreted to mean much more significant things. The choice of the viewer about whether the story has deep inner meaning or is just the Odyssey in space is personal and likely colors opinions about how good it is. Some people think it is stupid fun while others have actually formed religions around the idea of the force.

One thing is for certain, the formula worked amazingly well for a large group of people and this made movie producers want to copy it. This is what is generally called a watershed moment because the look of movies changed significantly. There were so many more space operas and they all had that worn post-apocalyptic look to them. Star Wars and Mad Max combined to give a different look of what futuristic was. There was advanced tech in some cases, but there was a scorched Earth that had run out of resources and people suffered. Think about how many movies and television shows there are that have come out since the 80s and combine industrial tech for space and distressed almost Western appearances for the planets. The movie changed the way many people see the future.

One thing that is inarguably great was the score. I am not going to try and describe it with words, I am just going to put links to the different themes here so you can hear for yourself:

Star Wars Main Theme (Full) - YouTube

Star Wars- The Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme) - YouTube

Princess Leia's Theme - YouTube

Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope (1977) Soundtrack 11 Cantina Band - YouTube

This is somewhat strange for the AFI so I went back and checked, but I believe that this is the only film with a ranked villain (Darth Vader), hero (Han Solo), and theme song (Main Theme). Even if it is somewhat simplistic from some perspectives, the story and the songs and the sounds and the characters speak to those who watch it. Seeing the movie is an incredible experience and I envy those who get to see it for the first time.

I am a big fan of the original Star Wars trilogy and I could completely nerd out going over all of the little things throughout the movie, but this is not a deep dive but instead an overall review. So does it belong on the AFI top 100? Maybe more than any other movie. It is an epic tale that changed the way movies were made across multiple genres. We could probably look at all science fiction films and put them as before or after this one. It is an important piece of American film and (no matter what anyone thinks of the other Star Wars films or George Lucas) it is a masterpiece. Would I recommend it? I cannot say yes enough. It is part of my culture as a California movie nerd and understanding this film is understanding some of the basic knowledge I grew up with. All sticks are swung around like light sabers. If I say "Princess Leia hair," everyone around here knows exactly what I mean. If something is impossible but still needs to be done, we tell people to use the force. I have lived in the Bay Area for 20 years and I can still reference a location by how close it is to Skywalker Ranch were George Lucas worked on movies. Please check out this film and you will know why I am such a fan of movies.

[auxiliarydetective]

Writer's Month - Day 6: amnesia | science fiction world

When I heard "science fiction" I immediately thought of The Orville, one of my comfort shows. Since it's not as popular as Harry Potter or known to people who might see this like D3F characters, let me introduce the characters mentioned first:

Captain Ed Mercer, human, Captain of the ship | Commander Kelly Grayson, human, First Officer | Lieutenant Alara Kitan, Xeleyan (species with extreme physical strength), Chief of Security | Isaac, Keylon (basically an adroid), Chief Science Officer | Lieutenant Gordon Malloy, human, Helmsman | Lieutenant Commander John LaMarr, human, Chief Engineer | Lieutenant Commander Raevyn "Raven" Maumahara (my oc), Tehiko (my species that I did lots of resource for, specifically on brain waves and eels because they have telepathic and electrokinetic abilities), her position is complicated because of time travel stuff but let's call her the second in command of the Security faction

Remember when I said later days would be shorter? Well... I love The Orville...

“This planet is most fascinating,” Isaac said as he examined the plants around him with his comscanner. "It is very similar to the flora and fauna of other galaxies thousands of light years away." "Aren't there some similarities between all planets?" Alara asked while she was clearing a fallen tree out of the way. "Yes," replied Isaac, "but not to that extent." Kelly sighed. "We've been wandering around for three quarters of an hour now, but we haven't found a single intelligent lifeform," she said. "I'm starting to think something is wrong with the scanners," Ed said annoyedly. "Negative, Captain" Isaac replied. “The scanners are in perfect working condition. However, there are most likely few of them on the planet's surface. We would have to find a way to get beneath it." Raevyn almost tripped over a root on the ground. “So do these people live underground, Isaac? In caves? " “I would prefer calling them tunnels, Commander. I am also fascinated that you are the one who is inquiring about this new species." "Why’s that?" "Because it might look like yours." "Oh, right", Alara said. “A species that lives underground is usually pale because it's barely in the sun. Right?" "Indeed", Isaac confirmed. Ed chuckled. “But I bet they won’t have those nice, glowy eyes, will they?” Raevyn smiled. “For that to be the case, they would have to also possess electrokinetic abilities”, Isaac said. “This trait is very rare among creatures on land. Pale skin and large eyes with dilated pupils are to be expected for both marine life and underground life. Thus, Commander Maumahara, one would expect that, by your biological traits, your species evolved from sea life and still lives mostly in the sea.” “Oh, stop, Isaac, it’s insulting to call someone a fish”, Kelly said. Raevyn’s smile had faded a bit, but she tried to keep it up anyways.

Suddenly, a small figure jumped out at them from behind a tree, poking a spear their way. The creature was covered in long, wrapped cloths, but little bits of almost white skin were poking through. Its eyes were large and rimmed with black paint. “Hello, I am Captain Ed Mercer from the USS Orville”, Ed introduced himself. The creature just jabbed its spear at him. “Please, Captain, you’re scaring him!”, Raevyn hissed. “He can’t understand a word you’re saying. Let me try, telepathy is universal.” “He has a spear, remember.” “I have electrokinesis.” “Fair point. Permission granted, go try.” Raevyn smiled. She slowly approached the foreign young man and kneeled down in front of him, lowering herself beneath his eye level. Hello, my name is Raevyn. I’m from the starship USS Orville. The man’s thoughts were frantic, yet very easy to read. His brain was like it was made of glass. From all she gathered, he was completely unaware of the existence of starcrafts or any other modern technology. Raevyn turned around to her fellow officers. “Their society is centuries behind ours. We just broke the rules. Again.” General discomfort was to be heard. “But I can reverse it, I think?” “You what?”, Kelly asked. “Couldn’t you have done that with the Church of Kelly chaos I got myself into.” “No, unfortunately not. It depends very strongly on the mental capacity of who I’m doing it to.” “Doing… what … to?”, Alara asked. “Are you gonna kill him?!” “No, of course not”, Raevyn said quickly. “It’s purely a matter of telepathy and giving his neurons a little push into the right direction. It won’t hurt him at all.” Ed sighed. “Alright.” Raevyn turned back around to the man and took a deep breath. This would be very difficult. The first step would be the hardest, as would the last. Alright. Now what you wanna do is put your spear down. Put it down. Put… it… down… Slowly, the man dropped his spear. Raevyn’s face was tense with concentration. Her eyes were practically sparking. That’s it. Now sit… Get comfortable. You’re completely at ease… Close your eyes… The man obeyed. He sat on the floor in front of her and closed his eyes. Raevyn placed her hands on either side of his head. Tiny bolts of electricity ran from her fingers and hands into his skull. The work was very precise. One false move and she could seriously damage his brain. Just a bit too strong and he could horribly hurt. Finally, Raevyn clenched her fists and pulled her hands away. The man dropped into the leaves. Raevyn’s head hurt as if she were having a migraine. She grunted in discomfort. Slowly and a bit shakily, she got up. “Let’s get away from here before he wakes up, otherwise this whole thing would have been for nothing.” “Are you feeling okay?”, Ed asked worriedly. “Just a headache, it’s nothing major.” “Should headaches not be a strong warning sign to your species?”, Isaac inquired. “Well, I know where it’s coming from, so… no”, Raevyn said. She shook her head annoyedly as if trying to rearrange something inside it. “I just strained myself a bit.” “I still don’t like the look of this”, Ed said. “Kelly, would you bring her back to the ship?” “Sure.”

Half an hour later, Raevyn was in her quarters on the ship, stirring a cup of tea with disinterest. She looked up when she heard the distinct beeping of the doorbell. “Come in!” “Hey, Raven.” Raevyn smiled. “Gordon, what a surprise! Is it already 1800 hours? Come sit.” She patted the space on the sofa next to her. Gordon smiled and came over. “I was really worried when you didn’t come back to the bridge with Kelly, you know. Got even worse when she said you were in Sick Bay. And uh- Well, I was going to ask you out to the Mess Hall for a drink, but… you know… can’t do that right now, probably, right?” Raevyn chuckled. “Ask me out? Gordon, was that poor word choice, or-” “It was poor word choice”, Gordon interrupted quickly and nervously. “I mean, we’ve known each other for, what, four months and it would be inappropriate to date a higher-ranking officer, so- What’s that you got in that cup over there?” Raevyn smirked at this sudden change of topic but acted as if she suspected nothing. After all, Gordon was horrible at blocking off his thoughts. She knew when he thought of her from miles away. “It’s some disgusting fermented tea from my homeworld”, she explained. “It’s supposed to help with getting your telepathic sensors back in order.” “Sounds gross.” “You don’t like tea?” “No. I prefer something with more alcohol in it.” Raevyn shook her head. “Of course you do. Well, you could still go to the Mess Hall with John. I bet he’d love to tag along.” “No, no, I told him I was spending time with you today since you probably don’t get to go out. Watch some cartoons? - You like cartoons, right?” “I barely know any cartoons, but the ones you showed me, yes.” “I didn’t show you any- Oh, right, the whole time travel thing.” “Yeah.” “Right, so… Is there any specific cartoon you wanna watch?” “Pick one. You have great taste. I’ll close my eyes.” “Alright. - Access cultural database.” “Accessing cultural database”, the voice of the computer said. “Show a selection of Earth cartoons.” “These are the fifty most popular cartoons known on Earth.” “You know, Raevyn, there’s one thing I wanna know.” “Yeah?” “Kelly said you saved the entire away team from trouble with the admirals. What awesome thing did you do this time?” “Oh, it wasn’t awesome. It’s what caused me this stupid headache. I induced amnesia in a specimen of a less developed species after he saw us.”

[three-blogs-in-a-trenchcoat]

Alright, there's something that bothers me.

The new Doctor Who. Why does everyone seem to react unreasonably? On the one hand, there are those, who hate it, because Whittaker is a woman, the cast is ethnicly diverse and it has gay people. That's bullshit obviously. Maybe they're even right in saying that these elements are only there to appeal to a certain kinds of audience. Well, guess what. Sarah Jane Smith was in a bikini in the first half of an episode I'm too lazy to look up because that appealed certain people. It's a TV show, there are going to be several characters, because in a story there are characters usually. It's not forced for those characters (who aside from a few ones only serve plot purposes) to be gay then to be straight.

On the other hand, Doctor Who is having some problems. Now I'm not saying you can't enjoy it. I do, and I'm happy if you do too. But there are things that I can't wrap my mind around why it doesn't seem to bother anyone else.

First off, the dialogue. It feels so fake. The Doctor's always had this outlandish way of speaking, but she's not the only character. It's really rare that I believe actual people would say anything that's spoken on the show.

Secondly, the endings. I like episodes having messages; Doctor Who started off as an educational show after all. But I also like when I'm not taken for a moron. Can we please stope the trend when after each episode the Doctor very plainly tells us what the episode was supposed to be about? The audience doesn't need that. We can take subtlety. And the episode also doesn't have to take sides. The best fiction doesn't take sides. It just asks questions, that will hopefully make you think.

Lastly, the Doctor. In her first season, Whittaker's Doctor didn't have a character at all. This season it got a bit better, but a lot of the time she still doesn't feel like the Doctor to me. I just can't buy that that woman has lived for over two thousand years. When Graham told her about his cancer, she wasn't said. She wasn't afraid of losing one of her friends again. The Doctor has never been more plainly reminded that humans are mortal, that even if she can protect them from every danger, they will still die. And also she has never travelled with someone as old as Graham (save for River and other immortals), who didn't have that much left to begin with. But she didn't react at all. Her eyes were dull.

Why I like the Doctor's character is because she's joyful and curious and silly, but there's millenia's worth of grief, sorrow and anger under the surface. My favourite episodes of Thirteen so far are Spyfall 1 and 2, where we got a glimpse of that. But after that, when the gang asked her in the next episode what's wrong nothing seemed wrong with her. She didn't seem to mourn her entire species, her home where she was too ashamed to return for centuries, and now she never can.

For the show to make my like this Doctor, it shouldn't show me how she can defeat gods or fix anything. I want to see her broken. I want to see her deconstructed to her core. I want to see who she really is when she can't hide behind her awkward charm or her silly clothes. I want to see her tried. I want to see her lose. I want to see her give more than her best, and I want that to be not enough. I want to see her angry. I want to see her desperate. Her name is whispered in fear and awe around the Universe; I want to see why.

And that's nothing new. We got these moments with all the other Doctors in New Who. Dalek, The Family of Blood, The Waters of Mars, The Beast Below, A Good Man Goes to War, The Magician's Apprentice, just to name a few. Is it too much to ask that we get the same with the new Doctor?

There's still time. The season hasn't ended, and Whittaker will be back for another one. Please, don't make the first female Doctor a forgettable character. Her gender was a bold choice. Make others. Take her to places we haven't seen her before. Give her a character that's not a patchwork of her predecessors. Make me care about the Doctor again.

[ilovedhim-whydidyouhadtokillhim]

I did this... It's an embarrasing number5xreader

Title: That's bullshit in any Language.

(I don't mean to be rude. It's a line Five says to the handler. Ill put un this post part 1 and 2.)

So. This is Five living his life with the Sparrow Academy, and you are an editor that wants to publish his story. It's a few years After you came back to 2019... And it might have some of my ideas on time travel and the comission. Nothing canon or comic canon because i haven't had time to read it yet. Sorry for the grammar.

Chapter 1:

There are plenty of your reasons that I don't understand. Why did you come back? Was it really because of your family or was saving the world that matters? Did you came back just to help them? or because you love them?.-

Those words hit the brain of your interlocutor like a gold lingot adorned with a lemon peel. Effect only achieved by the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, which was very far from this part of the universe.

-What do you mean by that?-. He replied annoyed, you were sitting next to a window, in front of you there was a young adult. You were wearing a white blouse and ankle-length skirt. -Well, if you have powers that go beyond reason, and you are capable of leasing with the physical laws that bind everyone else, shouldn't you understand that these are simply events that had to happen in a certain order so that your brothers and everyone else should simply disappear? .-

-What?- He said sissing, with a very pissed off look. You had spent the afternoon listening to his fantastic story. As an assistant to the chef editor at a science fiction publishing house, you thought the young man was trying to sell you his story. Mostly because of the effort he made to make it seem real, he probably wanted to give it a transmedia approach. You thought that perhaps it could work, uploading an internet page, a video game for smartphones and several Facebook pages would sell well too, you saw the future and it was probably easily adapted to the cinema or to a series, you even thought about the fanfiction. If you hadn't detected so many narrative problems… Which on the other hand gave realism to these misfits.

The expression on Five, the pseudonym under which he introduced himself, made it clear that he couldn't believe what he was hearing. But that's how new artists are, they live in their stories, their delirium. And it's understandable. You began talking again. -What Mr. Reginald told Diego, seems to me, it's true for everyone. But at least he's honest about it. In all their actions, these guys are all marked by their father, it’s really their main drive to act.-

You felt a slight guilt, someone so fanatical about their own creation had to put a lot of himself into it, so probably Diego, Klaus, Vanya and all of the others were just a human personification of a hurt part of his adolescence. -Excuse me for telling you this but even with fifty-something years you went to your father for advice. A man who was not older than you in his timeline. Even in the middle of all that conspiracy. You chose to believe in him. -

The young man seemed somewhat nervous, he was sweating a bit and his eyebrows were narrowing in a strange way. -Are you from the association?- he said sweating - Is this a new kind of psychological attack?-. These clarifications gave you a bad feeling, but you decided to joke: -Do you see me with a briefcase?-. It didn't seem to work as you liked. His face showed a terrible aversion and you felt fear. You took your things and left enough money to pay for your coffees, on the table.

-I think it is an excellent work of fiction, Mr. Five. But I think you should solve your problems and calm down a bit before you want to publish it. I don't know what had happened to you to come up with all this but it seems to me that with a good medication and a correct edition you could go far. You are still young and you could even have a great future as an author. But I can't work with someone in your current state.- You took your card out of the bag and gave it to him somewhat shakily. His face changed from rage to disbelief and you left a bit angry and scared.

He scrutinized the white card, it was made with a fancy paper. It had “Dark Horse Books" printed in black. -In my dimension these are "comics" instead of books - he smiled. He hit his head on the table "> your last name <,> your first name <",> phone number <,> office address <.

He realizedrealizado were just a smart girl. -She's probably right. Maybe in all this time I have just lived as a scared child under the table of a man who is not even my father, but the one from Sparrow Academy. After all, even the idiot Luther decided to make his life of his own in this world ...-.

Five called Diego. -Hello brother, another Apocalypse? - Five heard a tone that wanted to be playful but actually sounded concerned. -None, I just want to chat. Are you available for dinner? .-. Five had started college not long ago. Mr. Hargreeves had gotten the adoption papers of Five just as he would have been one of the boys he previously adopted. So everyone was amazed when that young man who looked about 20 "was actually 34".

When you were at home doing office work, you were surprised to know that your appointment for that day had been canceled and that you had stayed all afternoon listening to a poor schizophrenic or drug addict speak.

Chapter 2:

The uneasiness of the meeting with the boy passed and a few weeks later you had time in your schedule for a new interview with the young man who was supposed to arrive on that occasion. You have had coffee and the middle-aged man left.

Nothing out of the ordinary. More stories about zombies and society, it would be edited because it was an acquaintance of the manager. You were beginning to rethink working with that strange young man and his story. You remembered that sometime in your teens you heard about some babies that were born a without their mothers having been pregnant. And a kind of low-profile superhero league that most people took as a hoax to divert attention from things like Watergate, the White House affair among other things.

Probably if the boy was right you were looking at an excellent informant. And it could be an amazingly revealing book ... Especially with all the mythology surrounding JFK. You turned to the window and the young man was watching you from the other block. That again, gave you the chills. You saw him cross the street. It was fortunate that your cup did not have more than the sip you took or you would have spilled it all over yourself.

The young man sat in front of you, the husband of the owner of the cafeteria asked the young man what he wanted. The boy looked stunned. "HAZEL?" The man looked at him for a moment, because that was his ñame but the man was no acquaintance of him. "Excuse me young man, I don't remember meeting you." The boy laughed. -Don't worry, you reminded me of a friend, but it can't be you. It's good to see you anyways.- The man served their coffee somewhat puzzled and walked to talk to his wife, the woman turned her head the table and denied knowing him. Ultimately, neither of them knew who the young man was. This definitely raised several questions but you didn't know which ones. Mostly mportant, what would the young man talk about now?.

You were silent for a while. Five had his hands in his pockets. And you kept looking at the street. You saw how the steam from the coffee made waves above the cup. Again you wear a shirt and skirt. This time a white one with polka dots. Nothing that you could know of but the boy had been a bundle of confusion the last few days. He was not very enthusiast about human company, but he decided to separate from all his previous life experiences and for this he began studying economics. So meeting you at that moment in those clothes made him really dubious about why he was talking to you. Was he really addicted to the apocalypse as you and Diego said?.

Tired of the silence, you asked him a question that seemed uncomfortable for both of you. -The previous time, you only told me your nickname, Mr. Hmmm.- The man looked at you with surprise and smiled at you. -Francis... Reginald, Hargreeves.- you raised your eyebrows. Behind all that delirium, the young man did not look like a Reginald, although on a second thought he dressed like an upper-class young man. He was probably one of those rich young men whose excessive education, gets them a little upset with the world before they should be done with it. -You can call me Frank ... or Five. My siblings, they usually call me Five. So as not to be confused with my father. - The young man seemed somewhat annoyed.

-Oh, it's okay Frank. -, -What do you think of the proposal? . Despite the trust that the young man had placed in you, there was something that prevented you from treating him as a young man of his age. He obviously was not over 23. You didn't know if it was his story, where he is over 60 years old, if it was perhaps his possible mental illness or the aura of presumption that accompanied him.

-Ohhh. I discussed some of that with some of my siblings. They do not agree.- You imagined him sitting at an empty table like the last supper. Except he was just talking to himself. -I see you still don't believe me.-, the young man took out his phone and showed you a picture of him with his family. You could see a huge man, a condecorated policeman, a renowned violinist, an underground model who had worked for several covers with your publishing house, an actress who had just won an Oscar and the little brother. Now that you saw him next to all his family, his story was starting to make a little more sense. Besides, they were all obviously different. Now you thought that the young man could not be more than 21 ... And that it must be difficult to be good by the side of those successful siblings.

The young man seemed to guess your thoughts or maybe it was the pious look you gave him. -Whatever you are thinking, is not the case. I just study for fun. I actually work in a government agency. And believe it or not, for a couple of years I have been in therapy for the post traumatic stress that living so many years alone caused me. Stranded at the end of the world Dolores!-. The young man clapped his mouth quickly, that seemed to hurt. He turned completely red. You didn't know if it was because of the hit or if he had said something embarrassing. While he was telling you his story, his subconscious was quite careful to hide all the details from you about his wife, named Dolores.

And that was. Curiously, the point that he had discussed earlier days with his psychologist, apparently he had not understood (or had not wanted to understand) that the talk he had with you reminded him of his Wife. Only this time, it was really a person outside of himself who answered him with such sharpness and intelligence. And he wasn't going to accept it.

Not knowing all that internal debate, you took another sip of the coffee. "My name is in case you are interested." You said upset. He lowered his hands from his face, it was completely red. -Yes, I know , I just remembered someone while talking to you. - There was no going back after that statement. "Thank you for taking an interest in my story and for listening to a complete stranger say nonsensical things." He now seemed like a completely different person. This boy's range of emotions is a carnival.

-Don't worry, it's part of my job. To tell the truth, I confused you with a young writer and I was quite tough because he is a recommended person to whom we must publish.-. You smiled at him. Apparently the young man liked your comment. -Wow, I must be flattered then.-, -Pretty much actually. We are a very famous publisher present all over the world.-, -And timelines ... it's a joke.-. The young man said when he saw your expression. -For such and such a reason. I look very young. But I think there is something that is not clear to you ... I am also 34. I am not really a young person.- Five had decided to start living according to the age of his brothers. Since he had that opportunity.

You had a pleasant talk, and exchanged phones with the young man. Since the one he had was your work phone number. Probably something good had come out of this confusion. It had gotten quite late, and you had to be on the other side of the city. To finish a part of the work you needed to get up early the next day, a taxi would cost you a lot. The young man saw your concern. -I can take you home, if you want,-. He said with a mischievous smile. You didn't know what he was planning. But you accepted, and walked with him to a parking lot, while you were walking, he asked your address and places near your house, -Oh! I understand, near <>> and that <<< >>>, of course I do know what building you are talking about.- He said while rubbing his chin and doing some imaginary calculations in the air. Being quite far from people, he asked you to take him tightly by the arm. You took it and suddenly you felt something pull you back. You closed your eyes. Next, you were in front of your building.

"What had just happened?" You saw him up, he was a little taller than you and he had a mocking laugh. -I'm sorry that teleportation is not a gift that everyone has. But at least you already tried, right? -. You felt how your intestines took their place again and you got a bit nauseous. You ran to some nearby bushes but you were lucky that you weren't as sick as you thought. You wiped yourself with your sleeve. And you thanked him a bit puzzled. You saw him inquisitively. You had so many questions, but none seemed prudent to be the first. He laughed. He actually seemed like he was quite nice and smart when he wasn't an arrogant know-it-all. If all the things he said to you were true, then he probably did know a lot more than your average citizen.

He accompanied you to your door, said goodbye to you with a kiss on the cheek. He disappeared in front of you with a beam of blue light. Now you had an existential crisis knowing that the world had already ended twice in a past and a future that were actually the past of the present that you lived. And that was nothing at all digestible. After seven years working without missing a single day due to illness, you decided to take a week of unforeseen rest.

I had this posted here too: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26520721/chapters/64640455#workskin