#I used to have depression and now I don’t

[ectospacecadet]

Just wanted to add to this.

So Danny’s just gone through all of the events of AGIT, right? He went through struggling to work through his powers slowly becoming diminished and was getting a bit of imposter syndrome/depressed(?) over it.

He finds the source of a Ghost’s power and uses that knowledge to give himself a whole new purpose and is probably the most at peace with himself he’s been in the past couple of years, to the point where he has a new firework ectoblast power thing.

So he’s gone through all of the lows and highs in this novel, yeah? Then once Clockwork is saved from the fusion between him and Phantom (Dark Danny) he says this.

It feels more like a ‘have a gold star’ comment than an actual thank you, that and Clockwork sees all the different paths of the time stream.

So after all of that he pulls Team Phantom out of the timestream to see the damage caused by the events.

Now, first of all, let’s just look at what Clockwork says here, not all of the other timelines were compressed, but the ones that were the most corrupted were compressed into two stable timelines, so that was just a casual multiversal/AU genocide he pulled. That also technically means Danny’s original timeline parents are now gone/erased and are going to be replaced by whatever the new timestream manages to make for him.

Let’s look at the generous options Clockwork offers to Danny shall we? :3

Door 1: Everything goes back to normal and you have no powers. So all of this personal growth you’ve gone on and the life’s purpose you’ve given yourself will be made void.

Door 2: Everything goes back to normal, but you’ll have your powers and secret identity back. Also you wont receive any acclaim to the events of [REDACTED].

So option A: I fix it all and you don’t get to be the hero you currently know you want to be, who knows what’ll become of ghosts and humans?Option B: I fix it all but you go back to secrecy and have your powers, also you can fulfil your ‘self-given’ role.

Idk guys, which would you choose after going through EVERYTHING? The shiny turd or the pile of gold? XD

Clockwork SO wants whatever outcome to happen happen.

Danny: I’m gonna declare my new life’s purpose!

Clockwork: 😏

Dude you SO wanted all of this to happen.

Even this piece by @pichikui show’s Clockwork towering over the 3 here, Clockwork’s pulling some strings my guys. There’s no way he would lose that easily to Phantom, he had every way to stop him from fusing with his ghost form.

[00valentina-writes00]

how would Ellie respond to seeing you after a self harm relapse?

♡♥︎ “I’m Here” ♥︎♡

Warnings: depression, self-harm, bruises, mental health struggles, emotional vulnerability, hurt/comfort, angst, comfort, tear jerking

Ellie hadn’t seen you in days. She was worried, but she’d let you have your space. You always needed your moments to recharge, to gather yourself. She understood that, but still, the silence in the air between you both lately felt heavy—too heavy.

You were always such a rock for her. She never had to explain herself; you always understood when she needed space. You never pushed her when her moods swayed, even though she pushed herself to stay strong for you.

But this time? She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

When she finally showed up at your apartment, her heart skipped a beat. The door was slightly ajar, and it felt like the air in the room was different, still. She stood at the threshold, hesitating before stepping inside. There were no sounds, no usual music blasting or the smell of dinner you promised to make last week.

Ellie called your name softly, stepping in.

The living room was quiet, but Ellie spotted your figure curled up on the couch, a blanket covering most of you. You didn’t even glance up at her, your eyes staring down at the coffee table, face pale.

“Hey, babe,” Ellie’s voice cracked a little, trying to sound casual, but the unease in her stomach tightened. She didn’t push it. She crossed the room slowly, cautious, her footsteps soft as she knelt beside you. She was close enough to catch a glimpse of the dark bruises along your arm, the faint marks of skin where they shouldn’t be. You were wearing long sleeves, but Ellie noticed.

Her throat tightened, a cold sense of dread curling around her chest.

“please—look at me,” Ellie whispered.

You flinched, your fingers curling around the edges of your sleeve, pulling it down like it could hide everything she already knew. But Ellie wasn’t fooled. Her eyes, sharp and knowing, traced the bruises and fresh cuts, the way your knuckles trembled.

“You…” Her voice wavered, the lump in her throat making it harder to form words. “You didn’t—”

“I’m fine,” you cut her off, your voice flat, lacking the usual warmth she was used to. Your gaze remained fixed ahead, unable to meet hers. “I’m just… I just needed to—”

Ellie’s heart shattered at the sight of you trying to hold it together. She reached for your arm, gently tugging it toward her to get a better look at the damage, her fingers brushing against the raw marks. She noticed the way your eyes squeezed shut as if her touch was too much, but it didn’t stop her.

“Don’t,” you muttered, pulling away from her.

Ellie’s face tightened, but she didn’t force you to look at her. She knew you well enough to understand when you needed to retreat. But damn it, it hurt. The silence that followed was thick, and the longer it stretched, the harder it became for her to keep it together.

“I hate this,” Ellie finally admitted, her voice breaking. “I hate seeing you like this.”

“I don’t need you to pity me,” you snapped, though it lacked the usual sharpness. “I don’t need anything right now. I just… I just need to not talk about it.”

Ellie was quiet for a moment, biting the inside of her cheek, trying to hold back the wave of emotions that threatened to drown her. She wanted to scream, wanted to demand why you hadn’t told her, why you felt like you had to suffer alone. But none of that would help. Not now.

Her hands shook, but she kept them steady as she reached for you again, this time gently brushing your hair from your face. Your eyes were glassy, unfocused, and it only made her feel worse.

“You don’t have to hide from me,” Ellie said softly, her words laced with pain. “You never have to hide from me, you know that, right?”

“I’m not hiding,” you muttered, but even as you said it, the lie was obvious. “I just… I don’t know how to explain it. How to stop.”

Ellie’s breath caught in her throat. The pain was real in your voice, something deeper than physical scars. She swallowed hard, trying to push through the wave of frustration, sadness, and helplessness.

“I know,” she whispered, her hand cupping your cheek softly, urging you to meet her gaze. “I know it’s not easy. But I’m here, okay? Whatever you’re going through, whatever part of you thinks you need to do this… I’m not going anywhere.”

Your chest tightened, and your eyes fluttered shut as if she were too much to take in. Ellie saw the vulnerability in you—heard the quiet sob that escaped your throat before you could swallow it down.

“I don’t want to drag you down with me,” you admitted quietly, voice cracking. “I can’t… I don’t want you to see me like this. I can’t stand it.”

Ellie’s heart broke in that instant, her fingers brushing against your skin, trying to reassure you in the only way she knew how. She felt the weight of your words settle in her chest, the heavy feeling of helplessness rising within her.

“You’re not dragging me down, babe,” Ellie replied, her voice soft but steady. “I’m here because I love you. Because I want to be here. It’s not a burden. You’re not a burden.”

You pulled away from her touch, your shoulders trembling as the weight of everything you’d been holding onto finally cracked through your walls.

“I don’t know how to stop,” you whispered, barely audible.

Ellie bit her lip, moving closer, her hand brushing your hair back, tucking the stray pieces behind your ear. “I can help. We can help each other.”

You shook your head, tears slipping from your eyes as you let yourself crumble under the pressure. “I’m so tired of fighting this. It’s like no matter what I do, I keep falling back into it.”

Ellie’s hand rested against your back, rubbing in slow, soothing circles as she let you unravel in front of her. It was breaking her to watch, but it was also something she had to accept—this was part of you, a part she couldn’t fix for you, but a part she would never abandon.

“I’m not going to leave you,” Ellie said quietly, as if her words could somehow shield you from the storm of your own thoughts. “I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not going to let you face this alone.”

Your head dropped to her shoulder, your breath shaky as you let the weight of everything spill out. Ellie held you close, not pushing you to explain, not demanding anything from you but the space to be there, with her.

“You don’t have to carry this alone,” she murmured, kissing the top of your head. “I’m here, okay? And I’ll be here when you need me. But I need you to know… you’re worth more than all of this. I see you. Not your scars, not the shit that’s going on in your head, but you. You’re worth fighting for.”

You didn’t say anything for a while. But the quiet presence of Ellie, her steady breath against your skin, the way she held you like she was anchoring you to the world… it made you feel like maybe—just maybe—you could make it through this.

“I don’t know how to let you in,” you whispered, barely a breath against her.

“You don’t have to,” Ellie responded, her voice firm, steady. “You just need to trust that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here.”

And for the first time in what felt like forever, you let yourself believe her.

The silence stretched between you both, but it wasn’t as suffocating as before. It was soft, comforting, like a gentle promise that you didn’t have to fight the battle on your own. Not anymore.

As you clung to Ellie, feeling her warmth surround you, something inside you shifted. It wouldn’t happen overnight. But maybe, just maybe, you had enough left in you to try. For her. For yourself.

And she’d be right beside you, every step of the way.

[sunflw3rbouquet]

another time

in another time, you and me could be together forever, and have a perfect, carefree romance.

toji x male reader spoilers for the jjk manga and anime :p

notes: semi-jjk canon compliant (toji's mentioned to be alive? idk how to explain and tsumiki doesn't exist), ooc toji, angst tw: angst, abandonment, cursing, depression, mentions of arguments, mentions of blood (implied assassin career). i might of missed smth, lmk if i need to add anything

…sun✰: writing this bc im depressed and i love my toji<3

in another time, i could come home to you.

the house was dark, no lights that burned electricity working. there were only candles that slowly reached the end of their wick, giving the room a soft glow. it created a creepy haunted atmosphere if there was no one present. y/n hated coming home to the empty house. it depressed him more than he usually was in this lifestyle. 

he called out for anyone, dropping his coat on the rack at the door. y/n kicked off his shoes, peering his head to look towards the kitchen. “toji, i’m home.” there was no immediate response, meaning the man was most likely asleep or was out of the house buying alcohol.

y/n didn’t expect a response. he learned to not expect one. toji was, for how much he loved him, never around enough. the house was just him, megumi, and the scent of cigarettes and dried blood. 

sometimes the opposite of expectations occur.

“will you be quiet? i just got megumi to sleep.” toji’s head poked from megumi’s bedroom, holding the sleeping 3 year old in his arms. his heart rested for a second before clenching again in a stressed anger. y/n held back a retort, something along the lines about how he just made a paycheck for their family and how he shouldn’t be chastised for trying to talk, but he held his tongue and allowed the bubbling emotions to burn in his gut. getting angry at toji right now wouldn’t do anything. it rarely did anything, due to toji’s hard head, and only made things between them worse. besides, the anger in his stomach allowed him to feel anything other than pain that lingered in every curve of his brain.

“i’m sorry.” y/n said with a lack of the smiley tone he had before. toji’s face faltered only for a moment, not one second longer. apologies weren’t common among them, the pride they both carried was both strong and loud. toji coughed slowly to clear his throat, megumi turning sleepily in his arms.

“it’s fine, just- say good night to him? he was whining all night for you.” toji’s voice is rough, the softest bit of emotion slipping through his voice as megumi turned once more in his grasp. the anger burning a pit in y/n’s stomach quelled as toji handed him the boy, his thin body much too light for his age. megumi’s eyes slowly opened, a glimmer appearing in his irises as he saw y/n.

“you’re home!” he happily said, reaching his small hands up to grab y/n’s hair. y/n smiled at the touch, leaning down to press a kiss to megumi’s forehead.

“i am. have you been giving daddy a hard time while i’ve been gone?” megumi shook his head at y/n’s statement in denial, the flush caking his face revealing his lie. toji cracked a small smile, pinching his son’s cheek. megumi squealed, dropping his hands from y/n’s hair to cover his face.

“don’t believe anything this rascal says. he was complaining and whining all night wanting you to come home.” toji’s voice had a ribbon of playfulness going through it as megumi tucked his head into y/n’s chest, embarrassed he was being exposed. y/n shook his head, toji rolling his eyes, whispering about how y/n babied the boy too much. when would toji understand that megumi was the cutest thing in the universe? toji leaned up against the door, pushing it open.

laughter escaped from y/n’s throat as the bedroom door opened, toji ushering y/n and megumi inside. looking down at the boy, y/n’s smile changed into a smirk as he sped up while going into the room. “megumi, i got you! let’s run away from daddy, he’s gonna get us!” megumi squealed as y/n entered the room, toji running up behind the two, his arms locking around y/n’s waist with little effort.

“caught you.” toji’s voice was low as he pressed a gentle kiss to the right side of y/n’s jaw. y/n opened his mouth, megumi squealing in response again as toji’s hand sneaked up to tickle his foot.

in between megumi’s giggles, he looked up to meet y/n’s eyes. “you’re terrible at running, dad. we got caught by daddy!” he exclaimed with a pout, kicking his feet against, y/n’s heart stopping. 

dad…?

megumi continued to stare up at him, expectantly. a frown started to replace the glimmer in his eyes as y/n didn’t respond to him. y/n was silent for a second more, toji’s cough signaling a ‘pull it together’, snapping him out of his trance. “i’m sorry megumi. it’s all my fault, now i guess you have to go to sleep.” y/n frowned, caressing the boy’s hair gently. toji nodded his head in agreement, megumi pouting as his eyes began to droop.

megumi hid a yawn behind his lips as y/n laid him down on his bed, eyes practically closed as y/n tucked him into bed. y/n sat down on the edge of the mattress, toji following the action and sitting next to him, avoiding the small boy’s curled up body. “sleep megumi, you need to sleep to grow big and strong!” y/n’s voice was cheerful as he pet the top of megumi’s head. the cheerfulness an act he only put on for the kid, one that he let die the second him and toji were alone.

“like daddy.” he groggily whispered, y/n breaking his gaze from megumi to look over to see toji’s smile. there was an affectionate aura that clung to every section of his skin. the look was so different for him, something that y/n had only seen the day toji had asked him out all those years ago. the exclusivity of it made y/n’s stomach burn with a rush of adrenaline, fiery like a burning star. maybe there was more to toji and the gruffness inside him. maybe there was happiness and accepting in there. maybe there was joy in there for the people who he loved. y/n wanted to dig in to find more of it, to see him like this more.

y/n looked back to megumi, his hand now brushing megumi’s hair out of his face, smiling softly at the boy’s half-asleep figure. “just like daddy.” y/n repeated gently, toji’s arm snaking around his waist as y/n quietly cupped megumi’s cheek. “sleep well dear.” that was y/n’s final words to the boy for the night, toji repeating the message quietly. the two adults exited megumi’s room quickly before their movement could cause megumi to stir and wake up again and catch a case of the zoomies.

as the couple entered their room, toji’s hands went to y/n’s waist. his fingers brushed against the waistband of y/n’s pants, his skin barely touching the edges of y/n’s back. the room was dark, as whatever candles toji had lit earlier in the day had definitely burned through their entire wicks by now. 

“you’re so good to him. it’s sickening.” toji’s voice was monotone, like usual, but there were sections of happiness peaking through his lips. y/n smiled in return, pressing a kiss to the scar on toji’s lips, so quickly it could barely be counted as a kiss.

“megumi just brings out the affectionate side of me.” y/n spoke, gently straightening out toji’s baggy shirt, his hands stopping on the muscles of his biceps. he slipped away, going to the dresser before he got too comfortable.

toji froze at the touch. he froze so intensely that he couldn’t react to y/n quickly stripping out of his clothes and putting on pajamas before flopping into the bed. “come here, toji. i’ve waited all day to be in your arms.” y/n’s words were soft. inviting. something that broke toji out of his trance and made him walk over to y/n. the emotions made his heart clench, toji now wishing for the connection of the man he… loved. 

against a portion of his mind, toji flopped onto his boyfriend, arms tightening around y/n the second he touched his waist.. toji pressed a kiss to the side of y/n’s face, rolling to the other side of the bed, one arm under y/n’s back, the other hanging off the bed.

“god i love you. i think you’re poisoning me, you know? fucking asshole who took my heart and made me fall in love with how beautiful and kind you are.” toji whispered, eyes looking towards the window. his words were most likely meant to be thoughts. even y/n could tell that. a bright smile graced y/n’s face as he slipped his hand into toji’s, staring up at the ceiling.

“you were a bitch too. bringing me into your home and trapping me with your good looks and adorable son…” y/n teased, toji’s exterior falling as he began to complain.

“hey- you came to my house AFTER we started dating- don’t make it sound like i’m a crook.” toji’s words were a grumble as he turned over, clinging to y/n’s side. he pressed a gentle kiss to y/n’s jaw, eliciting a soft giggle from the man. “besides, you love megumi and me. you didn’t get trapped.”

y/n rolled his eyes at the (accurate) statement, moving his body so he rested on toji’s chest, arms loosely wrapped around toji’s waist. his breath came out as soft, warm sighs against toji’s neck, eyes closing due to how relaxed toji made him feel. “you’re warm. i really love you, ji.” toji’s eyes lit up, grip on y/n’s back tightening the slightest bit. it was almost unnoticeable, but the action made y/n smile.

“i love you too, y/n. sleep well.” toji spoke softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s head. y/n’s eyes fluttered open and then shut, catching one more glimpse of toji, the darkness seeping through the windows as he fell asleep.

y/n felt disgusting. dried blood caked under his fingertips, on the line of his scalp, and soaked his shirt with a deep red color. his heart was beating so fast it was like a high only comparable to cocaine. the back door of the house closed with a loud shutter as he reentered, something toji was supposed to fix ages ago. it was something he probably forgot about and somehow escaped y/n’s wrath, and yet even in his wave of anger, he had no energy to fight.

“you’re home.” toji said plainly as y/n entered into the house, sitting next to megumi at the head of the table while the 3 year old his dinner of frozen vegetables and whatever y/n cheap crap that was semi healthy could find at the grocery store. 

megumi began to turn his head, toji covering his son’s eyes before they could see y/n in his bloody tank top and pants. “i wanna see dad!” megumi whined, toji shushing him. he tried to push of toji’s hands, toji not budging.

“dad’s not ready to see you yet, eat your dinner before i eat it instead.” toji’s voice was harsh, harsh enough to make y/n wince at the thought that the person on the receiving end of this was his son. 

he - begrudgingly - used this distraction to run up the stairs to the bathroom to shower. opening the door, y/n moved to turn the water on, the shower head turning on. cold water trickled down his arm when he checked it after a few minutes, his neutral expression turning annoyed.

“damn you toji for not fixing the heater.” he muttered, shaking off his wet arm before stripping down the bloody clothes that weighed on his body. he entered the shower, shivering as icey water covered his torso.y/n’s world always got so much darker when he’s in the cold water of the shower. the shock allows his brain to fully awaken and think long strands of thoughts that don’t normally process in the drunken, depressed haze y/n is in during the day.

y/n had a pit growing in his stomach. things had been going too well recently. toji was happy, smiling once a day at the least, whether it was y/n or megumi didn’t matter. he actively tried to please y/n: making sure dinner was made, taking care of megumi, or trying not to curse up a storm right after y/n returned home.

most of these things would make anyone in a normal “relationship” happy, as their partner finally accepted them into their life and allowed them to coexist together. but these things, actions that were so ‘untoji’, made y/n fear for the coming days. was toji hiding something? or did he find out something was wrong?

y/n shook his head, water getting on the old shower curtains and drippin to the ground. he reached for the almost empty shampoo bottle, squeezing out the smallest amount of the watery substance onto his hand. he worked it into the roots of his hair, the blood flaking from his scalp and falling to the shower floor.

the bottle of body wash was comparably newer, y/n taking a large amount after turning the water off to rub on his skin. he basked in the scent, the familiar waves of sandalwood and honey calming down his anxious heart. 

everything would be fine.

maybe toji was really getting better. maybe, now, his lover wasn’t someone who he just attempted to make ends meet with, but someone who he could depend on in his personal life. toji was turning into a life partner, and not someone who was there to make the pain go away.

y/n turned the water on one final time, the remaining blood and negative emotions leaving him in the streams of droplets. it would all be fine. he turned off the water, exiting the shower with a happiness that was fresh and clean, like a daisy after the rain. there was a towel laid on the counter, most likely something toji had put there before y/n had made it home. 

it was strange being so cared for by a man who didn’t care often. everytime he rubbed the towel over his body to dry his wet skin, his heart fluttered with a golden light that surely radiated off of it, like it was toji’s own hands drying him off. once his body was rid of the dampness, he dropped the now dirty towel onto the floor and made his way to the bedroom lit by small rays of sunshine coming through the windows.

he found a pair of clean boxers in the laundry basket - whether they were his or toji’s both was unknown and didn’t matter. he slid them on to his mostly dry lower body, the domesticity of it all bringing a soft smile to his face. was his life turning for the better finally.

y/n picked a shirt and a pair of pants from the dresser, hoping it looked cohesive enough that toji wouldn’t immediately point it out, which he had done before. the soft fabric made y/n smile, already imagining toji and megumi waiting downstairs for him. he quickly returned to the stairwell, a smile crawling onto his lips as he saw megumi and toji dancing in the living room on the lower floor.

it was a mixture of hilarious and the most precious thing he had ever seen. megumi, bless him, was standing on toji’s feet, reaching his hands up to the sky towards his father. toji leaned over, connecting their hands, swaying from left to right slowly. the music was some soft ballad from a children’s show megumi watched, a bright smile on the toddler’s face as his dad made harmless critiques of his skill. megumi giggled softly, toji watching with a bright smile.

there was a soft breath that escaped y/n’s lungs, wishing he had his old camera to take a picture of his family. this is when they would start anew. megumi’s laughter soared through the house like balloons, toji occasionally letting out his own chuckle every once in a while. there was a new emotion seeping into y/n’s heart. was it one he could name?

as the song slowed to a stop and megumi jumped up and down in happiness, as toji looked up towards the stairs and his smile grew tenfold as he saw y/n standing there, he understood. it was completeness. he was complete, finally, after many years of searching.

“are my two favorite boys dancing without me?” y/n asked, a shocked gasp escaping his mouth as he ran down the stairs. megumi hopped off his father’s feet, meeting y/n at the edge of the living room.

megumi giggled as y/n pat his head, pointing to toji with his small index finger. “it was daddy’s idea.” y/n gasped again, looking at toji with a fake-betrayed look on his face. 

“what! it was daddy’s idea!” y/n’s gaze met toji, a fake pout appearing on his lips. the only goal of it was to make toji bend to his wants.

toji rolled his eyes, his hands crossing over his chest. “sorry, my dear y/n, that i was so cruel to dance with my son who begged me to dance with him.” megumi giggled, pushing y/n’s leg gently to get the man’s attention.

“meg, what’s up?” y/n asked, the 3 year waving his hand towards himself, signifying he had something to say. going down to the ground, y/n leaned in, listening to megumi’s words.

“go dance with daddy!” he exclaimed, giggling softly as y/n gasped. does the child enjoy embarrassing him? a warmth erupted on y/n’s face at the thought of dancing with toji, once dormant butterflies growing in his stomach again. y/n stood up to see toji putting a cd in the cd player, before turning around and extending his arm towards his boyfriend.

“may i have this dance?”

there was a pause as y/n took in a deep breath. and then he returned to the reality they both lived in. y/n took toji’s hand, a smile returning to his lips as they stepped closer together and toji’s hand went to y/n’s waist. y/n’s arms wrapped around his neck, a bright smile creeping onto his face.

the world spinned slowly with the cd playing, frank sinatra flowing through the living room as y/n and toji swayed under the moonlight. it was perfect in every sense of the word, slow dancing under the stars. y/n wasn’t used to that perfect from toji, but his heart slowly acclimated to the feeling.

megumi was curled on the couch, beginning to fall asleep as y/n and toji danced the night away. every place their bodies connected had an electrical spark, warmth flowing through y/n’s nerves. toji was the only thing on y/n’s mind, a constant that made his heart flutter in every instant. and then, he understood himself in that moment.

this is the man he would spend his life with.

he could see them growing old together, toji’s warm hands holding him just as they did now. he could see them with eternal happiness, because they both deserved it. they both deserved it so much.

“you’re spacing out.” toji said, his eyes sparkling as he looked at y/n. “what’s up?” y/n snaps out of his daze, making eye contact with toji, admiring the glow. toji’s eyes sparkled so beautifully as they admired him like he was the only thing in the world.

“i just love you.” y/n whispered, pursing his lips together to view toji’s face. he could see all the wrinkles on his face, the lines under his eyes that made him look tired. and yet he saw his gorgeous smile, the scar bending on his lips to accommodate the motion. y/n reached his hand out, thumb rubbing the skin, the warmth connecting him to the earth he stood on and the life he was living. toji chuckled softly at the touch m, brushing y/n’s hair out of his face. y/n leaned into the touch, head tilting to the side like a dog. 

“i love you too.” he responded, y/n nodding. he could tell toji meant it. he could feel that in the pit of his stomach. toji really loved him.

“good. that’s good.” y/n whispered, his fingers messing with toji’s overgrown black hair. the man’s smile grew brighter, eyes locked onto y/n’s.

“come here,” he whispered softly, y/n leaning into toji’s chest with a sigh. they swayed back and forth, the music flowing through their ears with a calm aura. it wad a movie. y/n leaned his head up, his eyes like stars saying hello to the moon. his eyes then moved their focus down to his pink lips.

toji’s gaze mimicked y/n’s as he turned his head to look down at his boyfriend, their lips inching closer with each breath that escaped their lungs. at the final second, their lips touched, and y/n could breathe again.

their lips pushed and pulled against each other, soft like cotton and sweet like candy. toji must have been taking care of himself more. the usual rough skin of his lips was gone, the only texture on them being the scar that still laid there, that would forever be present on his figure. toji’s hands laid tightly against y/n’s waist, rubbing soft circles on the skin present as y/n made finger curls with the hair that was right above the nape of toji’s neck.

the night rolled on, the two dancing until their feet hurt and they couldn’t feel left from right without stumbling. it was their own movie, where time was still and the only thing that would ever happen would be love.

the music had slowed to a stop, and the family found themself all cuddled in y/n and toji’s small bed. megumi was fast asleep, he probably had been for what was becoming an hour. the small boy was curled into toji’s chest, taking slow deep breaths as y/n curled the strands of his hair around his finger. it was happy.

they were… happy.

toji and y/n quietly made conversations with smiles on their faces. it was far from the usual topics they discussed, like what jobs needed to be done around the house, when one person or the other was working, what food megumi should be eating, etc etc. it was happy things, like where they should take megumi to play, what flavor his birthday cake should be, and where they should go on a date when they had the freetime.

it was happiness. 

and it should’ve been a sign.

it should have been a glaring red sign, instead it was something y/n accepted happily. maybe it was something he would grow to accept in the future.

y/n’s eyes began to close slowly as toji rambled on, a small smile appearing on the man’s face at the action. the moon was well into the sky by now, the two having danced much later than they expected to. he moved his hand to rest in y/n’s hair, gently playing with the strands.

“go to sleep. you’re starting to look like little megumi, falling asleep so randomly.” y/n tried to fight back, contradicting toji’s statement with words about how he ‘was so awake’ and how ‘toji was trying to get rid of him’.

“stop whining, dear. sleep.” y/n lost the energy to fight back due to toji’s hands running through his hair, eyes beginning to close again.

“fine, fine. love you, sleep well.” y/n groggily answered, leaning forward, kissing toji’s lips gently before pulling away, head resting on the pillow next to toji’s. their faces were so close together, close enough that every breath that escaped their lips caused vibrations that caused toji’s bangs to move the slightest amount.

“i love you too. i’ll love you forever, never forget that dear.” the words of toji’s reply were solemn, a stark difference from the happy tone he previously occupied. y/n looked at him concerned for a second, but he smiled once again once toji pressed a kiss to his lips. “yeah yeah, okay loverboy. i’ll love you forever as well.” y/n closed his eyes to the touch of toji’s hand on his hip, falling into a deep slumber, one that he wished he didn’t have to wake up from.

the sunshine was cold.

the sunshine was cold, and yesterday the sunshine was warm. it was so warm that everything was bathed in a golden light. it was so warm that the glittering moonlight heated y/n’s skin as he rested with his family the night prior.

and yet the sunshine was cold today.

y/n’s eyes shot open, expecting to be glancing right at toji face.

and yet he wasn’t there.

toji wasn’t there.

that was out of character for the new toji. the new toji didn’t just leave without saying goodbye. the new toji didn’t just disappear after filling y/n’s heart with happiness he had forgotten over the last years of his life. the new toji didn’t just leave his boyfriend - leave his son - and never looked back. the new toji would never break his heart like this.

unless he was the old toji all along, never changing into the new version of himself that y/n so idolized.

megumi was now against his chest, which wasn’t the same position they fell asleep in last night. now sure, the 3 year old tossed and turned, but whenever toji fell asleep next to the boy, megumi gripped so hard and never let go.

y/n closed his eyes, pressing them shut until there were sparkles appearing in the darkness and his head almost hurt, and then he reopened them, relieving the pressure. and yet toji was still gone.

in his daze of reopening his eyes, y/n saw a note resting on the sheets in front of him where toji used to be sleeping. y/n carefully moved his arm to grab the note, readjusting megumi so the boy was more comfortably resting against his chest. he unfurled the sheet of paper slowly, and he was almost certain the world could hear his heart slowly crack.

dear y/n,

i’ve decided to leave this morning and never look back. i got a job that i will complete. i’m leaving megumi to you, as the little man loves you. 

this isn’t because i don’t want to spend my life with you. i wish i could be with you forever but this is how the world is. we must keep moving on. 

i hope this doesn’t hurt that much. i really want you to be happy.

i love you my dear,

toji

tears slipped out of y/n’s eyes and onto the top of megumi’s head as he finished reading the letter, loud sobs creeping up his throat, only to be choked down. megumi stirred slowly, his small, childlike eyes opening brightly to look up at y/n.

“dad,” he sleepily spoke, y/n nodding his head to show that y/n was listening, rubbing megumi’s hair to take his mind off of the note that felt like fire in his hand.

“yes, my dear?” y/n shakily replied, tears falling down his cheeks quickly. megumi looked up, about to ask his question, then he looked to his right. 

“oh… where’s daddy?” megumi asked, now seeming more awake than he did a few seconds ago. he shifted again, holding y/n a little tighter. was he nervous? upset? scared? did he noticed that y/n was in despair?

“daddy? he’s just gone to work, dear.” y/n voice shakes harder with each word, tears dropping into megumi’s hair as he forced himself to break the contact of their eyes. megumi was a spitting image of his father, the man that y/n loved with his entire life and body, the man who just abandoned their family.

“when will he be home? i wanna go to the park with him, and i wanna have dinner with all three of us!” megumi exclaims, y/n holding back a sob as he tightened his grip on megumi’s grey sweatshirt. he was so happy, the emotion and his tight grasp on him making it harder to breathe.

“soon, dear. this will be a long mission though, i’m not sure when he’ll get home.” y/n almost hushed the boy, megumi’s constant questions twisting his heart into a small ball that couldn’t pump any blood. tears began to fall again, faster as he began to become unable to control the tsunami of emotions in his stomach.

megumi took a breath, hand reaching up to hold y/n’s jaw. “dad, why are you crying?” his voice was filled with a wonder that only a child could hold, crushing his heart into his digestive system. his small fingers brushed the tears off his cheeks before bringing them back down to gaze at them.

“i’m not- i’m not crying, megumi. go back to bed. it’s really early and you were up past your bedtime.” y/n calmed down slightly and pressed a kiss to the child’s forehead, rubbing his hair until he heard the boy begin to take slow, deep breaths. the action made y/n slightly more relaxed, but the silence made him realize the gravity of the situation.

he could finally break down.

and with one tear came two, which came 4 more, which became him crying and holding back sobs as he rubbed megumi’s back. why was he alone? why did he get left again?

there was a sound at the door, y/n looking towards it. but he had just imagined it, no man there looking for him. no man there that was ready to kiss his face and take him into his arms. maybe there was another universe they lived happily in together.

in another time we could be together, and you wouldn’t leave me all alone.

first oneshot completed! love you toji<3 5085 words

[arxiwon]

Falling Apart | yjw

Pairing: Boyfriend!Jungwon × Girlfriend!Reader

Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance Warnings: Heavy heartbreak, emotional distress, themes of loneliness and grief, implied depression, unresolved feelings.

Synopsis: Love was supposed to be enough. Jungwon had believed that with everything in him. But when you walked away under the pouring rain, leaving behind nothing but an apology and silence, he was forced to confront the cruelest truth—some things are meant to fall apart, no matter how much you wish they wouldn’t. Now, drowning in memories and the echo of your absence, he wonders if he'll ever feel whole again. 💔

Jungwon’s hands trembled as he stood in the rain, his breath coming out in uneven gasps. The cold seeped through his clothes, but he barely felt it—not when the pain in his chest was so much worse.

“You’re lying,” his voice was barely above a whisper. “Say you’re lying.”

You swallowed hard, eyes darting away. “Jungwon, I—”

“Say it,” he interrupted, his voice cracking. His fingers curled into fists at his sides. “Tell me you don’t mean it.”

Tears welled in your eyes, and that was when he knew. This wasn’t a dream, wasn’t some cruel joke. You were leaving.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

Jungwon let out a breath, his entire body shaking from something far deeper than just the cold. “Why?”

You bit your lip, hesitating. “I just… I can’t do this anymore. Us.”

“Don’t,” he choked out, stepping forward, his hands desperate to reach for you, to hold you, to keep you from slipping away. “Don’t say it like that, like everything we had meant nothing.”

Your shoulders trembled, and you squeezed your eyes shut. “It’s not that. You know it’s not that.”

“Then what?” His voice rose, frustration, heartbreak, and desperation mixing together. “I love you! I’ve loved you every single day, every single second, and you—” He sucked in a sharp breath, his chest tightening as if it was caving in. “You’re just walking away?”

Your silence was the final blow.

Jungwon let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “So that’s it, then.”

You nodded weakly, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

He exhaled shakily, blinking up at the sky as if it could stop the tears from falling. “Don’t be.” His voice was hollow now, empty in a way it had never been before. “Just go.”

The rain poured harder as you turned away, and Jungwon stood there, rooted in place, watching the love of his life walk away from him for the last time.

And that was when he realized—love wasn’t always enough.

He didn’t move for a long time. The rain soaked through his clothes, his shoes, his skin, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

He should have run after you. He should have held you tighter, begged you to stay. But he knew it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Hours passed before he finally forced his legs to move, dragging himself back to his dorm like a ghost of the person he once was. The memories clawed at him with every step. The way you used to hold his hand, the way you laughed when he told you stupid jokes, the way you whispered his name like it was the only thing that mattered in the world.

And now, you were gone.

Jungwon collapsed onto his bed, staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. His phone buzzed beside him, a message from a friend asking if he was okay.

No, he wasn’t.

He typed out a response, but he couldn’t bring himself to send it. What was the point? Words couldn’t fix the gaping hole in his chest.

Nights turned into days, and days blurred into weeks. He went to class, answered when people spoke to him, smiled when necessary. But it was all a performance. Inside, he was breaking, slowly unraveling piece by piece.

Your absence was everywhere. The empty seat next to him in the library, the untouched coffee cup in his dorm, the playlist you made together that he couldn’t bring himself to delete.

One night, he finally let himself break. He sat on the floor of his room, knees pulled to his chest, and let the sobs wrack through his body. He cried for the love he lost, for the memories that haunted him, for the way he would never hear you say his name the same way again.

Jungwon had always thought love was supposed to be enough. But now, as he sat alone in the dark, he realized some things were meant to fall apart, no matter how much you wished they wouldn’t.

[erulasse23]

Frodo & PTSD: Symptoms

You can find part one on the definition and causes of trauma here. This post will review what the symptoms of PTSD are and how Frodo demonstrates them in the trilogy.

I don’t particularly like using the DSM to describe symptoms of trauma because the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are very limited and specific. Trauma can have a much wider ranging and subtler impact even if one does not meet all of the criteria for PTSD. However, it does provide four helpful categories for discussing symptoms.

1. Intrusion: flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, etc.

2. Avoidance: both of external or internal reminders of the trauma

3. Negative changes to thoughts or mood: depression, anxiety, negative self-image, paranoia, guilt, memory loss

4. Arousal/Reactivity: irritability, sleep disturbance, impulsivity, difficulty concentrating, easily startled

PTSD can also be with or without symptoms of dissociation, i.e. feeling that the self or surroundings are unreal, distant, or dreamlike. Dissociation can be placed in the arousal category as it represents an under-arousal of the nervous system (The freeze response out of fight/flight/freeze). I would argue that Frodo demonstrates symptoms in all four categories, but particularly intrusion with dissociation. I have to note that some of Frodo’s symptoms could be caused by the magic of the ring or the wraiths, but I still believe it’s an accurate reflection of how people respond to trauma in a non-magical world.

Intrusion: Frodo is described as having flashbacks on multiple occasions. In The Two Towers, after seeing a Black Rider, Frodo takes longer to recover then Sam or Gollum. It says “His eyes were closed, as if he were dreaming, or looking inward into his heart and memory.” In The Return of the King, Arwen tells Frodo that he can sail, “If… the memory of your burden is heavy…” and later, there are three flashbacks described. Two are on the anniversary of the Nazgûl stabbing Frodo, and one on the anniversary of him being captured by the orcs at Cirith Ungol.

Here is how they are described:

“His eyes appeared not to see them or things about him… ‘The memory of darkness is heavy on me,’ [said Frodo.]”

“He seemed half in a dream. ‘It is gone forever,’ he said, ‘and now all is dark and empty.’”

“His eyes seemed to see things far away… ‘I am wounded,’ he answered, ‘wounded; it will never really heal.’”

Frodo is also implied to have nightmares, particularly while in Cirith Ungol.

Avoidance: This is clearest on two occasions. First, when presented with honor after the Ring is destroyed, Frodo at first refuses to wear a sword. Later, during the scouring of the Shire, Frodo refuses to carry a sword or hurt anyone. I think this can be interpreted as Frodo avoiding an uncomfortable reminder of his trauma.

Thought & Mood: The longer that Frodo carries the Ring, the more tired and sad he becomes. He begins to despair of living past the destruction of the Ring. He is weary, exhausted, and feels that the Ring is a physically heavy burden as well as emotionally. He tires quicker than Sam. After the Ring is gone, however, his depression does not entirely lift. He feels that he has changed, and therefore the Shire is no longer the safe haven it once was. He does not find joy in his life there as he did before.

‘But,’ said Sam, and tears started in his eyes. ‘I thought you were going to enjoy the Shire too for years and years after all you have done.’

‘So I thought too once. But I have been too deeply hurt, Sam. I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me.’

Arousal: I am going to go ahead and place dissociative symptoms into this category for ease. Frodo does become easily startled and irritable while in Mordor with the Ring. Frodo also experiences somewhat of a dissociative state during his flashbacks, as previously described. Apart from those instances, he also at least twice becomes blinded after encountering a wraith and says that all appears dark, and he cannot see. In The Two Towers, after passing the dead marshes, while he is on watch, “He lost count of time, hovering between sleep and waking.” After the Witch-King passes in the Morgul Valley, he hears Sam‘s voice “at a great distance, as if it came out of memories of the Shire…” While under direct influence from the Nazgûl, particularly directly after he is stabbed, he sees the world as shadowed and misty.

Let me know your thoughts, and I will see you back for part three on healing from trauma.

[sturniololuvz]

Can you do one where the sister is like 15 and she’s going through a lot and the brothers notice and help her with it and she struggles with depression and self harm

“Always Here for You”

Sturniolos x sister

Warnings : sh, crying , depression

The sun hung high over Los Angeles, casting a golden glow over the city. The Sturniolo house was filled with the usual sounds—Chris and Matt arguing over something stupid, Nick playing music a little too loud—but Y/N barely heard any of it.

She sat in her room, staring at the ceiling, feeling like she was sinking into nothingness. It didn’t make sense—she had everything she was supposed to need. A loving family, friends, a home. But the sadness still clung to her, heavy and unshakable.

Lately, everything felt exhausting. Pretending to be okay, forcing smiles, laughing at jokes when all she wanted to do was disappear. And the worst part? She didn’t want her brothers to worry. She knew they had enough on their plate—videos, traveling, social media, their own lives. The last thing she wanted was to drag them down with her.

So she hid it.

She wore long sleeves, even when the heat in LA was unbearable. She stayed quiet, avoided eye contact, and brushed off their questions with quick, empty reassurances.

But her brothers weren’t stupid.

Chris was the first to notice. She wasn’t as loud as she used to be, wasn’t cracking jokes or annoying them like she used to. The energy that once made her Y/N was gone, replaced by something quiet and distant.

Matt noticed next. The way she barely ate, how she stayed in her room more than usual. It wasn’t just a bad mood—it was something deeper. Something that scared him.

Nick, though? He refused to ignore it.

One afternoon, after Y/N excused herself from their usual lunch at their favorite LA spot, Nick turned to his brothers.

“Something’s wrong.” His voice was firm, laced with concern.

Chris sighed. “I know. I just don’t know how to get her to talk.”

Matt nodded, his expression tight. “We need to do something. Now.”

So they did.

That night, instead of letting her hide away in her room, the triplets knocked on her door.

“Go away,” Y/N’s voice was small, tired.

Nick didn’t listen. He pushed the door open, and all three of them stepped inside.

Y/N sat on her bed, knees pulled to her chest, the sleeves of her hoodie pulled down even though the LA heat made it unbearable. She didn’t look at them.

Chris sat beside her first. “Y/N… please talk to us.”

She shook her head. “I’m fine.”

Matt sat on her other side. “No, you’re not.” His voice was gentle but firm. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to be fine all the time.”

Y/N swallowed hard, staring at her hands. “I don’t want to bother you guys.”

Nick kneeled in front of her, his voice soft but serious. “You’re never a bother, Y/N. You’re our sister.”

Her hands trembled as she hugged her knees tighter. “I just… I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Chris reached out, gently taking her wrist, his thumb grazing over the faint scars that she thought she had hidden so well. His chest tightened, but he didn’t let go.

“We’re here, Y/N. No matter what.”

Matt squeezed her shoulder. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Nick’s voice was steady. “And we’re going to help you. However you need.”

For the first time in a long time, Y/N let the walls she had built come crashing down. The tears came before she could stop them, and her brothers didn’t rush her, didn’t try to fix everything in one night. They just held her, reminding her—over and over—that she wasn’t alone. That she never would be.

And for the first time in forever, she believed them.

[veilosdaigoa]

Daily Writing Challenge February 2025 Day 1 - Hypnotic, Star

Fingertips glided gently along his bare side, the muscles beneath twitching slightly in response to the familiar touch. Without even opening his eyes, he smiled, “Morning, my sunshine.”

The ethereal, feminine voice spoke softly against his cheek before lips pressed to the edge of his own, “Stay asleep, it’s not yet time to wake.”

He did as asked, mind lingering somewhere just before a state of unconsciousness as he pulled her body against his to bask in her perpetual warmth for a few moments longer before the horrid dawn arrived and ruined it all. “The kids..” He mumbled in his somnolent state.

She hummed softly, stroking her fingers through his hair, “They’re fine. Just stay asleep for now, just a little bit longer. I don’t want you to leave just yet.”

“Never. I’m not going anywhere.” Lips greedily met lips and he finally cracked his eyes open only to discover he was alone and had fallen asleep yet again on the pull-out couch in his office at The Shielded Mind.

This had become a habit of his at this point. Working late, deciding he was too tired to go home and instead crashed here where he wouldn’t be surrounded by their personal effects, photographs, and memories of what once was. He recognized it wasn’t terribly healthy, mentally or physically, but everyone dealt with loss in their own ways, and his grief seemed to come and go with the tides.

It had been a particularly difficult couple of months, but the beginning of the year was ripe for seasonal depression after the excitement of the holidays faded away. Then there was the love holiday to deal with, and birthdays of those now long gone - there were worse ways of coping than being avoidant of home.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up and peeked out the window to the darkened street below, pulling on a pair of loose pajama pants before making his way towards the front stoop of the clinic. He lit up a cigarette, another coping mechanism he told his own patients to avoid, yet here he was enjoying the same disgusting, yet calming habit. The hypnotic hum of the nearby streetlamps lulled him into a comfortable state of dissociation, focusing solely on the rhythmic pull and exhale of smoke.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there, staring blankly up towards the stars above, cigarette now long burnt out but still dangling loosely between lips. There was a muted voice somewhere in the back of his mind, but right now all he could hear was that incessant hum growing louder and louder.

“Veilos!”

The exclamation startled him out of his catatonia as he focused on Doctor Xanelen Deh’lorei standing nearby with a concerned expression. He was well put together as always, wearing a nice pair of slacks and a button-up shirt as if he were at work. But it was still the middle of the night, that didn’t seem right.

“...Are you well?”

Veilos took the cigarette butt out from between his lips and glanced over towards the dawning sun with a furrowed brow. Somewhere in there he had lost a few hours. It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last.  “Hmm? Just a long night is all.”

Xanelen eyed the man over, the worry still evident in his gaze, “Go home, Veil. Take the day off.”

“No no, I’m fine. I have some appointme-”

“GO HOME Doctor Dai’goa. I’ll see to them myself.” It wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order. Even if Xanelen wasn’t technically his boss, he was his Doctor and he knew Veil better than anyone else did given their time in the military spent serving together.

“Yeah. Let me just get my stuff and I’ll go…” He refrained from saying ‘home’, currently uncertain if his path would take him there today or not. He could use a shower and a fresh pair of clothes, at the very least, and then just maybe he could fall back into that wonderful dream.

@daily-writing-challenge @xanelen @theshieldedmind

[tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff]

High and listening to girl in red for the first time ever and compiling a Pinterest wlw board titled “sapphic” and it’s pictures of women doing couple-y stuff and kissing and just being together in love and I’ve only recently accepted to myself that I’m a lesbian and am finally allowing myself to embrace this part of myself and I am so happy to be alive right now which I know is the opposite of who I was only just a few years ago and I just want to say life gets good if you believe you deserve it.

[cecoeur]

How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

There is a difference between using darkness imagery to expose the darkness and get it out of your head to prove how defeatable it can be and romanticizing it to make it desirable and making your problems worse. One will save your life and soul and the other will corrupt you further.

Stop mixing them up.

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

The refugees in Sirion hearing the grind of metal and angry shouts and thinking it’s happening again.

[lizlemondyke]

seth meyers gave me this soup. hashtag blessed.

[kingquentin]

.

[mars-ipan]

Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed

[chibishortdeath]

I am going to have such a great time during a terrifying presidency that will directly imminently negatively effect my life while being stuck living in a house that actively contributed to this nightmare happening and having little ability to engage with any sort of means of comfort without the sounds of constant horrid sentences coming from the living room TV in the background oh boy oh great how wonderful.

Anyway, does anyone know how selling character adoptables works, because I may look into that—

[superbattrash]

The Deepest Sigh Known To Humankind 🥲

Today my mother asked me if I “couldn’t just fake it”, when I told her I do not know if I can go to their place for New Year’s Eve because I don’t know if it’ll be a good or a bad day. Fake it. It being my happiness and/or complacency so she doesn’t have to pretend to worry about me

I know she doesn’t know how to worry, how to be a parent who actually cares but I didn’t realize it was to this extent. My bad, I guess

I told her “sure, mom, I can just fake it like I have been doing, you know, the thing that got me on sick leave and broke me so bad I can’t even be near people I love” and she got all awkward and just ended the call

I don’t know how to get through to this woman. She doesn’t take me seriously. I’m trying to be honest and more open with her and she just. Disregards it all

On Christmas she asked me about my weight loss and asked to take a photo of me. I did a silly pose and proudly told her how much weight I’ve lost - you know, despite battling my eating disorder - because I’ve done it in a healthy and nonrestrictive way and it means I’ll be able to get my top surgery next year hopefully. She then told me I had to stop now (because she’s gained weight after her WL surgery and she’s bitter about it) but she also needed the picture because her friends are asking about me and she doesn’t have answers for them. Because she doesn’t talk to me

I’m just so damn tired. One second she seems like she cares but then it turns out it’s because she needs info for her friends. And then she turns back into the woman who doesn’t care, who doesn’t want to get to know me or listen when I talk

Can January just come now so I can go back to therapy… 🥲