#I used to have depression and now I don’t | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

babyjinsu · 2 days ago

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paparazzi

pairing ; paparazzi!sunghoon x idol!fem!reader || wc ; 4.3k

warning ; consensual sex, stalking, one mention about starving (oh you know idols...), non-consensual pictures taking (non-sexual), reader is lowkey depressed, slight angst if you squint, alcohol, loss of virginity, cumshot, sunghoon cums on your face, he's a creep, death, drowning, probably more but i don't know how to tag this...

sunghoon thought your biggest mistake was auditioning at a newly-built company, instead of a popular one just because they were controversial.

the industry loves controversy. they fed on it. you thought you were being clever—thought you were avoiding the long lines of future idols at the big names. you didn’t realise a no-name company wouldn’t fight for you once things got hard. wouldn’t protect you. wouldn’t last.

you looked like you haven’t slept for days.

the company he worked under didn’t even know your name when his manager brought you up. you were just the center girl from a viral fancam—the clip got passed around in online forums not because of your dancing—but the way your top had slipped slightly and someone in the crowd had zoomed in too far.

assigned, dispatched, paid.

“group’s on its last leg,” he continued. “no official statement yet, but they’re disbanding pretty soon,” mr. baek hummed, his fingertips drumming against the wooden desk. “but some of the bigger companies are sniffing around. especially her.”

sunghoon leaned in slightly, his eyes narrowed to look properly. you’re pretty—as expected from an idol. this girl had that something soft and severe at the same time. a pretty girl who didn’t know how pretty she was—the stylists didn’t do a good job in pushing you to your full potential look-wise.

“name’s yn, i don’t think she uses any stage names,” his manager said, almost offhandedly. “she’s the one they want. not sure how this small company bagged her first. they said she’s got better offers lined up—and we want a portfolio for when she jumps.”

“a portfolio?”

“yeah. if she gets bought, the new company will pay a fortune for clean, rare shorts of her pre-transfer. nothing explicit—just some candid shots. you know the drill, park.”

sunghoon exhaled through his nose, his fingers pressed to massage his temples. it all sounded so dull and predictable and boring. “why not send one of the new guys?” he asked, shifting in his seat. “they’d love young idols to stalk. i specialised in scandals, not idol fluff shit.”

his manager shrugged, placing a stick of cigarette between his two lips. “c’mon,” he chuckled. “they don’t have your eyes. you can get the kind of shots that feel intimate, ya know?” sunghoon stared at the image a little longer. you were standing slightly turned from the others, a hair’s breadth of space between you and your member.

this was just one of the things sunghoon had to do in his field of work. at least, this was slightly easier than having to dig up information for a new scandal—this one’s just following around and pressing finger on the shutter. sounds easy enough.

you didn’t even have any bodyguards around to protect you.

sunghoon hadn’t planned to take his job so seriously. it was supposed to be easy money.

but now, looking at you through his viewfinder—squatting on the curb and running your hand through your locks—sunghoon found himself pausing.

you weren’t like the other idols sunghoon had seen on his coworker’s desks—you weren’t polished. messy, slipping through the cracks—pretty in a way that’s accidental.

he held his breath without meaning to. your eyes darted to the side to fight the urge to cry, tiny tension creased between your brows.

he zoomed in on your face.

a few strands of dyed hair clung to your lips, your eyes were red, skin dull and tired. sunghoon watched as you blinked slowly, like you were about to break in the prettiest way.

click—

pretty, sunghoon thought again—but he didn’t mean solely your face. the expression of mixed vulnerability and defiance that you had on—the kind of attractive people missed if they solely looked for beauty.

sunghoon lowered the camera slightly, blinking against the residual imprint of your face on the viewfinder. his body didn’t move to leave just yet.

he took another shot just in case.

——

“hey, mr. baek’s calling for ya,” his coworker said.

sunghoon sighed, “yea, okay.”

he already knew what the old man wanted—pictures, updates, progress shots of that sunghoon wasn’t slacking off.

mr. baek’s door was half-open. he barely looked up from his phone when sunghoon stepped in.

“well?”

sunghoon forced a nod, sliding a usb across the desk. “got some shots outside of the studio, and a few from last weekend. she was out with the rest of the girls.”

his manager finally looked up. “any buzz yet? forums? comments?”

“just some. fans said she looked tired.”

“nice. you send those to min-kyu, he’s prepping a piece about underdogs making it out of flop groups. tragedy-porn.” he let out a chuckle like it’s funny, shaking his head before leaning it back against the headrest.

back at his desk, sunghoon plugged in a backup drive and opened the folder titled—deliverables. the images were all tagged green, clean and safe. you laughing with your members, stylists pinning your outfit backstage—normal. pretty. usual.

but before transferring them, he paused.

his cursor hovered over another folder—one he hadn’t named yet. just a string of random numbers. inside were the other shots—

the raw ones.

a silhouette behind cheap, sheer white curtains, your body just barely visible as you pulled your shirt over your head—the shape of your back, the roundness of your pretty covered breasts, the curve of your waist down to your hips, the slope of your neck—they were all visible to his eyes.

your fingers combing through damp hair in a dimly-lit room, one where you had forgotten to properly bind your curtains together and leaving a tiny gap in between—just enough for sunghoon to see you applying lotion over your bare legs.

the pictures weren’t taken on instinct. he’d waited. stood on the opposite rooftop for forty-five minutes in the wind with the shutter off and the light adjusted. these were chosen.

a sickness bloomed in the pit of his stomach every time he opened the folder. not guilt, for sure—but something hungrier.

sunghoon knew he shouldn’t keep them—in fact, he should’ve given these ones instead to mr. baek—this was enough for sunghoon to receive his payment and move to another project, but no—

these pictures—they were just for his eyes.

——

you didn’t hear it from official mouths. the rumours slipped through cracks and half-whispers in makeup rooms and trailing after stylists’ side-eyes. they cling to the silence your manager gave when you asked too many questions.

“are we disbanding?” you’d said earlier that morning. the girls never asked except for you.

your manager looked at you like you’d asked something ridiculous. “no one said anything about that, yn,” he replied, too quickly—with a roll of eyes. “let’s focus on the upcoming schedule, yeah?”

but there was no upcoming schedule. there was no comeback, no showcase, no nothing. neither you nor the girls had brands booking or scheduled photoshoots.

you couldn’t take it anymore. everything that you’ve worked for—the sleepless nights and the degrading stages, the stomach you had to starve flat to fit in extra extra small clothes. was that all for nothing? had your efforts gone down the drain like it meant nothing?

so you stood, and left the practice room.

walking straight out the side exit of the building, you pulled your hoodie over your head. you didn’t bother with the mask or the sunglasses—you were a nobody anyway. not a normal citizen, nor anybody famous. just something in between, not belonging anywhere.

and that’s how you ended up in a small, run-down bar—the kind that didn’t need cards or ask questions. just a counter, a couple of stools, and dull old rock songs humming through worn-out speakers.

you slid into the farthest corner, tapping your fingertips against the wooden bar. you weren’t even sure what to order—you’ve never been here. but it didn’t matter, anything would do. you just needed something to sit on your tongue and keep your mind distracted.

the bartender barely looked up to you when he took your order.

so irrelevant.

by the time you knew it, on your second drink, someone slid into the seat beside you. you didn’t look at him at first—just caught the way his sleeve brushed the counter, and the faint smell of his cologne. clean. expensive.

“run away?” he said after a moment, voice low and casual.

you slowly glanced at him from the corner of your eyes, barely turning your head. he had a black cap on, face angled down, his eyes half in shadow—but he didn’t look threatening.

“is it obvious?”

he gave a slight shrug, lips curling like he was trying not to smile. “sunghoon.”

you blinked, the name taking a second to settle. it’s a nice name—an even nicer face once you’ve had a good look at him. sharp nose, two moles on his face, thick-dark brows… if you weren’t an idol yourself, you would’ve mistaken him for one.

“okay,” you muttered, turning your glass slowly on the counter. “i’m not telling you mine.”

“that’s fine.” sunghoon chuckled, his lips curled into a teasing smile as he nodded his head.

he said he worked freelance, “in production”. you didn’t press, he didn’t ask about your either. that helped.

you weren't usually like this. you didn’t flirt with strangers and you didn’t talk like this—you blamed it on the alcohol. but tonight, your life didn’t feel like yours anyway. it was crumbling, any second now, it’d turn into nothing.

the two of you talked until the bar dimmed its lights, until your hands started brushing when you reached for your drinks. “i don’t wanna go home—” you told him. sunghoon didn’t offer a solution. he paid the tab, stood up, and—

”do you wanna go back to mine?”

——

you’re so soft in all the right places.

the thought pulses through sunghoon’s head like a fever dream—unshakeable. every time his hands move along your curve, it finds something new to worship. from the dip of your waist, the slope of your neck, the way your breath catches when he touches you like that.

everything feels so overwhelming—you blame it on the alcohol. maybe it’s the way your body responds like it’s been touch-starved of warmth and comfort. of reassurance. maybe you needed this—an escape from the harsh reality that you might be a no-name when tomorrow comes.

“fuck, baby,” sunghoon pulls away to catch a breather, his lips are swollen, eyes glassy, a string of saliva connecting the two of you. you’ve never been kissed the way he did, they were all innocent back when you were in high school. but this?

this man who hovers just enough above you pressed his mouth to yours like it would anchor him had the world burn down on you. it’s rough, too many teeth and tongue involved—but it doesn’t hurt.

your chest rises too fast. your limbs feel heavy, warm, boneless. it’s not just lust with sunghoon—it’s the weight of something else pressing against your ribs.

sunghoon’s forehead rests against yours for a moment, his breath coming out shaky. you’re not sure what he’s seeing in you when he looks at you with that sharpness in his eyes.

“mh,” you let out a soft moan as he latches his teeth onto your neck to leave marks and bites on them. his teeth graze the sensitive skin, slow and deliberate. you feel it—the faint bloom of pain beneath the heat. a mark, a bite, and another.

he doesn’t bother asking if he’s even allowed to—and you’re not about to tell him of your failing career. your failing idol career. frankly, the whole shit isn’t even occupying your mind at the moment.

his mouth maps a trail along your throat like a brand, staking invisible flags in places no one else can touch—or even see. your fingers twitch against the sheet, head tips back instinctively, “oh—no, mh, not too much…”

sunghoon doesn’t pull away because you asked him to—he only pulls away to admire the damage like it’s art. your body’s a canvas, he’s the artist, and his teeth are paint and brush. “you’re so beautiful.” he praises, his chest rising in a soft, and slow manner.

you shake your head, instinctively bringing your hands up to cover your flushed face. despite being an idol and so exposed to the public, you oddly feel more bare now than you ever have on stage. and it’s not because of the fact that you’re naked beneath him.

“no, don’t,” he says, his voice gentler now. sunghoon leans in to brush your hands away slowly. his eyes hold that shimmering awe like he can’t believe you’re real. as if he’s already catalogued every detail of you but still wants more.

“i don’t think you know you do to me.” he whispers, shifting and angling himself properly in between your legs. sunghoon’s hands trail down your thighs until he lifts your legs and places them gently around his hips.

his hand wraps around the base of his throbbing, pulsing cock with his pre-cum dripping down. sunghoon swallows down the lump in his throat as he watches your sweet, wet cunt twitching and pulsing. “‘m gonna fuck you deep now,” he says, looking down as his cock slides between your folds, smothering the head of his cock with your fluid.

you nod—almost eagerly. you’re sure it’d be a tight fit, but you can’t bring yourself to care. “please be gentle,” you whine, feeling the tip of his cock brushing against your bundle of nerves. sunghoon doesn’t reply—he can’t assure you he’ll be the man you want him to be for the night; but he nods nonetheless. he can’t risk having you dip halfway.

slowly, sunghoon bucks in. he slides his cock inside of you, watching in awe and disbelief (in the best way possible) that he’s stretching open the pussy of the idol he stalks through his lens. through glass, fences, distance—whatever separates him from his subject.

you don’t hold back from the sensual, whiny moan that leaves your lips—he’s long, and he’s big—you feel him against your velvety, slippery walls. “oh—oh my god, oh,” you breathe out, shutting your eyes tightly and tilting your head back. it’s almost painful how slow and gentle sunghoon’s going that your pussy aches for more.

inch by inch, sunghoon buries his cock fully inside of your pussy, the head of his cock kisses your cervix. “fuckk,” he grunts, guttural sound deep in his chest as his shoulders drop—relaxing like he’s finally done it. your warmth washes over and spreads through him like something medicinal. he breathes in deep.

“baby,” he groans, gripping the sides of your hips as he starts to buck his hips back and forth. you’re gripping around him like vice, like you don’t want to let go of him either. “hngh,” you moan, toes curling, back arching off the mattress as you writhe beneath him. it’s uncomfortable—the way sunghoon starts picking up his pace in fucking your virgin pussy.

he buries his cock deep in your cunt, and with each thrust, you feel his hips hitting yours, “fuck, you’re just so fucking pretty, aren’t you—?” sunghoon gazes down at your face, his eyes travel down to your body—the way your perky tits just bounce so prettily and so behavedly, then down at your glistening pussy welcoming him. he’s loving the sight of his cock sliding in and out of you. your juice coats his cock nicely, acting as a lubricant.

he tugs on his bottom lip as he pounds into you, both your bodies slick with sweat despite the cold aircond—his nails take their turn to dig into your skin, gripping you tightly and ensuring you don’t move.

not like you can anywhere—

“m, more! oh god,” you gasp, voice cracking at the edges. so lost in the sensation and pleasure you don’t even realise you’re crying. so overwhelming. tears slip from the corners of your eyes as your body’s short-circuiting from how much it feels. every system nerve of yours is alive, raw and sensitive.

sunghoon notices before you do. he always does.

his pace falters, almost—for a heartbeat before it goes back faster. his gaze lifts to your face, watching the shine along your lashes. he brings his hands up, thumbs brushes your cheeks slowly, catching one tear. then another.

“look at you,” he breathes, his voice low. “my pictures don’t do you justice.” sunghoon says as he buries his face into the crook of your neck. you don’t catch what he’s saying—not when he has his cock slamming hard and desperate against your cervix. his pace quickens, balls slapping against your skin with his rigorous pounding.

you feel a bundle of nerves forming and spreading at the bottom of your stomach—from the way the bulge of his cock is visible through your abdomen. “‘hoon, sunghoon, you’re too deep—” you mumble, mind fuzzy and blurry. your walls clench around him, eyes shut in pure ecstasy.

sunghoon doesn’t slow—he only continues to abuse your soft skin with his sharp and unforgiving teeth, his mouth pressing against the blade of your shoulder, then your collarbone. each mark yells a silent declaration—that you’re his’.

your body twitches under him, overstimulated and strung out. he groans low in your ear. the way you’re contracting and fluttering around his cock, the delicious sound of your cries and whimpers confirms something—that it’s not enough to be inside you. he wants to be on you, under your skin, and etched into you.

he’ll never be able to watch from behind the lens again.

the hot pulsating sensations of your velvet walls squeezing his cock pushes sunghoon to his limit—by the looks of it, you are too. “fuck, pretty, i’m cumming,” he breathes out, hand travels down to fondle your clit lovingly. “yeah—please, i can’t take it anymore,” you squeal, tilting your head to the other side.

his lips curl into a smirk as he slams his cock against your g-spot that has you seeing the milky way—toes curling, arms wrapping around sunghoon’s neck as he impales you with his cock.

sunghoon loses his rhythm as his thrusts go sloppy, desperate cock twitching inside you. he thursts hard once, twice, three times, then four before grunting as he immediately pulls out before he bursts with his cum leaking out of your hole—he can’t have you going on hiatus for nine fucking months. not yet.

“fuck—” he groans, voice strained as he shifts forward. his knees plant on either side of your face, caging you in completely, the muscles in his thighs flexing under your fingertips. sunghoon aims his cock right at your face as he pumps and strokes rapidly with his hand.

the first jets of his cum shot out violently and lands prettily on your face—then down to your chest. “fuck, fuck, fuck—” sunghoon moans as his cock throbs in his palm as he encapsulates his fingers around it. he gasps, body spasming as he releases all over your face—the final spurts of his semen.

sunghoon’s chest rises and falls quickly, sweat beading along his skin as he tilts his head back. he lets out a groan out of satisfaction and pleasure. “wow that was…” when he looks down, his breath catches.

you’re still.

eyes closed, lips parted just slightly with a string of his cum in between your parted lips. your face flushed and damp with heat and his semen. it’s caught in your lashes, brows, and some on your hair. so pretty. so fucked and fuckable.

he would’ve gone for a second round if you were conscious.

“...yn?” he says, more to himself than you. his hands hovers over your cheek, spreading his cum across your cheek. you don’t respond. sunghoon lets out a soft chuckle and shakes his head. you’re so pretty like this too.

sunghoon just watches your for a stretched-out moment—his breath shallows.

then slowly, he lifts his hands.

thumb and index fingers curl into L-shapes, mirroring each other—framing your cum-stained face like a camera lens.

the way you look now, under him is a once-in-a-million-years type of view. the way his lovebites red-and-purple litter along your soft skin—proof of belonging, and his cum splattered on your face too.

his eyes squint slightly, head tilting as if he’s adjusting a focus that isn’t there.

“...click,” he murmurs, barely audible as his fingers hold the frame steady around your face.

not in a playful manner—this isn’t innocent.

sunghoon stares through the invisible square like he’s committing you to his memory. slowly. he lowers his hand, but his eyes never leaving your face.

“this one’s just for me,” he whispers, leaning down to place a soft, chaste kiss on your lips.

he’s finally captured what he’s been chasing all along.

——

“park, you don’t need to take any more pictures,”

the words drift over sunghoon like they weren’t about to rip out the only thing tethering sunghoon to sanity. he blinks, slow and he doesn’t answer right away.

“you listenin’?” he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. “you’re good. it’s done! big company’s ready to buy the whole fuckin’ portfolio. good job, you did your job well.” he chuckles, shaking his head—the company’s stupid to fall into the scam.

sunghoon’s hand tightens on his mouse. he doesn’t feel the slightest sting of satisfaction he usually would. he’s promised to get paid higher this time—but there’s nothing left to chase in that sentence. he has no purpose.

“...yeah, got it.” he mumbles. the back of his neck prickles.

“mm, don’t waste more time on her,” his boss adds, not unkindly. just matter-of-fact. “look up on that rumour about some homewrecking bitch and that a-list actor,” he continues, rolling his eyes like he’s stressing out. he doesn’t even need to lift a finger for a living shit.

move on.

sunghoon waits until his manager disappears down the hall before exhaling sharply through his nose, his knuckles whitening.

move on?

he stares blankly at his screen. the article confirming of your group’s disbandment written by his colleague.

move on—?

he’s so far past that point, it almost makes him laugh.

——

you don’t think you’d see him for a second time.

not after that night—after the way you left without giving your name, or anything about you. not after all the chaos that followed: disbandment.

you don’t turn around immediately despite the crunch of gravel beneath sneakers. the river glimmers beneath the moonlight.

“i figured you’d be here,”

your breath catches. you know that voice. slowly, you turn, cheeks damp with tears. “sunghoon? how did you—?”

he just shrugs like it’s nothing. there’s a small smile on his face. “you okay?” he asks, feigning softness. his hands bury in his pockets as he makes his way towards you calmly.

you let out a bitter laugh, wiping your face with your sleeve. “yeah,” you nod, flashing him an idol smile. the one they taught you in social etiquette classes—when you have to fake it. chin up, corners lifted, no teeth.

but sunghoon knows better. he always does.

he steps closer. not too fast but enough to cross your boundary. “you deserve better,” he says softly.

your lips twitch. “of what?”

sunghoon tilts his head, eyes scanning you with a gentleness that doesn’t quite reach the tension in his jaw. “of this. you’re not something to be tossed and bought.” your breath hitches—you don’t even know him like that. you don’t even know his family’s name.

“i’m fine,” you say, voice thinning. “really.”

his gaze doesn’t move. “no, you’re not.”

you take a small back, arms instinctively wrapping around your body in defense. “who are you?”

“sunghoon.” he replies, soft smile still in place. “you know that.”

the weight of his words doesn’t match the lightness of his tone.

“...how did you even find me?” you finally ask the question that’s edging at the end of your tongue. it slips out before you allow yourself to—suspicion breaking through fatigue.

his smile falters for half a second. he thought you’d be happy to see him. “lucky guess,” he murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck.

the river behind you murmurs. the moonlight outlines the curve, the slump in your posture. you’re crying and you’re messy—but to sunghoon, you’re glowing and you’re raw.

he takes another step forward.

“i don’t want them to have you,” sunghoon murmurs, eyes gazing down on his sneakers.

“what?”

he’s too close and you can’t take another step back.

“if you go to them,” he continues. “you’ll be more popular. more loved. bigger than anything this world’s ever seen.”

you blink at him, unsettled. brows knitting in confusion—what’s he talking about?

“they’ll see you the way i do,” sunghoon murmurs to himself. “then they’ll want you.”

he lifts his head up—eyes searching your face, reverently, like he’s memorising it for the last time. “...i can’t let that happen.”

your body stiffens. “sunghoon—?”

the ground shifts beneath you—not by itself, but by the same pair of hands that held you full of love a few nights ago.

a shove—just enough.

your heel slips against the damp stone at the river’s edge. you reach out instinctively, for balance—for sunghoon—but there’s nothing for your fingers to grasp. your voice doesn’t escape your lips.

the cold hits you first. not the water, but the realisation.

then comes the actual one, the freezing, fast, and full current.

it wraps around you like hands, engulfing and dragging you under like death. your limbs flail, panic quickly setting in, but the water’s too strong—that it rips your breath from your lungs in bubbles.

above the surface, sunghoon stands.

he watches in silence. still.

not an expression out of sorrow nor joy—but peace.

the water swallows you whole. hair fanning like dark ink. the river hums a low, hungry tune like it’s doing sunghoon a favour.

because now, no one else will see you the way he did. no cameras, no stage lights, and no other eyes.

just him.

because now, you belonged to the quiet where nothing could make you shed a tear anymore.

and with one last look at the ripples softening across the river’s skin, sunghoon lifts his fingers—index and thumb in the shape of a frame—and whispers again,

“...click.”

the last who ever got to see you.

💭 wow honestly i'm not too sure what to feel about this... it might be a little crappy since i haven't written smut in quite some time tbh... i feel like this is darker? omg i don't know please don't come at me :x i hope you guys enjoy... i really like this one... i really like writing consensual intercourse compared to non-consensual ones...

and something about whatever genre this is...? psychological horror or something... oh wow i'm lowkey stunned? not sure how and what to feel so please let me know what you guys feel about this! thank u for reading <3

as usual, comments, reblogs, and asks are so appreciated <3

#enhypen #enhypen oneshots #enhypen imagines #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fic #enhypen x reader #dark enhypen #sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon #sunghoon oneshots #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon drabbles #sunghoon fic #sunghoon smut #sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon fanfic #enhypen fanfic #dark sunghoon

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wpdarlingpan · 3 days ago

Text

The Shadow (Thunderbolts*)

Beginning Yandere Yelena x Anxious!Widow Reader

Beginning Yandere Bob x Anxious!Widow Reader

(Could expand to all Thunderbolts)

Female Pronouns

Summary: Former widow reader feels out of place in the watchtower, Bob and Yelena are here to remind her that her place is with them, they are family after all.

Word Count: 1.7k+

Warnings: Angst, Possible Spoilers, Depressive Thoughts, Anxiety, Use of Y/N, The Start Of Obsessive Behavior (let me know if I need to add more)

A/N: I absolutely loved the movie and had to write something for it so this is my first attempt. I hope it’s good and my requests are open (even if I may take awhile to get to them) so if you have any Thunderbolts ideas, let me know! <3

Being in the Watchtower after never having set a home for years was an odd experience, and from being on my own to having a team was an adjustment I hadn’t quite gotten used to.

I often sit in my room, as I am now, tucked into a window seat I requested from Valentina when we were able to decorate our rooms. As I stared out into the skyline, I couldn’t help but think why I was here.

John was… well, John. He was pretty good at acting like he was important.

Bucky was kind. Kinder to me than the others. Maybe he saw himself in me, or it’s because I’m too reserved to cause him trouble like the others.

Ava had her phasing abilities and was good at keeping up with the team's banter.

Alexei was like the team dad, supporting his kids' soccer team.

Yelena was a former Red Room assassin who paved her own path.

Bob is the strongest being on Earth.

Then there’s me. I can do what Yelena does, but not as efficiently, nor am I able to connect with others as she does.

Growing up in the Red Room made her want to help others and grow beyond what they wanted her to become. To me, it stunted me. I’ve never been able to move on. Every time I close my eyes, I see Katerina, the girl I killed on my first test to show my worth to the Red Room and almost desensitize my emotions from death.

She got out, she saved me and the other widows from Dreykov while I couldn’t even remember my name. Yelena was the new Black Widow, rightfully so, while I’m her shadow.

We have dinner together every night at Alexei’s insistence, and it was not like anyone really had any other plans. But even when we sit together, I feel the pressure of their stares. As if they are waiting for me to speak up.

I try to spend time with them so that they don't feel like they have a ghost in their home, but it is not much.

John and I watch television while he talks about something, and I listen.

Ava and I usually train or practice her abilities, I time her as she works on phasing for longer than a minute.

Alexei makes me nervous; he is loud but never has said anything rude, although he makes me nervous when he says to speak up when he can't hear me.

Bucky and I usually read together, or sometimes he lets me stick magnets on his arm. That ones rare but it’s mainly when he can tell I need to fiddle with something.

Bob and I usually seem to just exist in the same space, letting ourselves use each other to be a lingering presence to keep us from the void.

Yelena… I avoid Yelena. I can’t face her; we know what the other has gone through, and I still can't bring myself to talk to her about it. She seems to be handling things better than I am, and I don't want to hold her back. She was older than I in the academy and advanced further than I did before we escaped, yet she found who she is, and I am still looking.

I can tell she wants to talk to me, it’s in the way she looks at me at dinner or the way her mouth opens slightly when I rush past her in the hallways. Even when she makes a sarcastic comment, most likely to Alexei or John, and I can’t help but laugh, I never say anything more.

I don’t even know why I’m here. I just am not special- I am cut off from my thoughts by a knock at the door. Looking over I spot Bob shyly poking his head in.

“Hey Y/N,” He stuttered out, not moving into the doorway yet as he rocked on the balls of his feet.

“Hey Bob,” I say softly, beckoning him inside. He lets out a small smile before joining me on the window seat. This had been a common occurrence for the past few weeks. He’d come in whenever he was overwhelmed by the team or simply to see me, as he claimed. I don’t see what he sees in me, yet he seems oddly attached.

I was surrounded by people, yet I felt just as alone as before. I was no hero to be worshipped, and the public agrees.

We sit in silence, and I appreciate it, while a part of me longs to reach out and start a conversation with the man who seems so easily approachable, yet I cannot even make the first step.

He reaches into his pocket, and I tense up nervously before he pulls out a simple locket. It was silver with a small star on the end. I look at him questioningly as he hands it over to me.

"Just in case you forget," Bob replied simply and tucked his hands away, surly twirling them nervously in the pocket of his sweatshirt.

I fiddle with it slightly before opening it. It was a picture of me and him on one side and the team on the other. I grip it tightly before looking up at him, confused.

“I can see the look on your face. The longing for a connection as you watch people around you smile at one another. But you are so deep in your own head that when people look at you, you see judging eyes over the soft smiles. I only say this because that was me. Before them and before you,” He spoke, pointing at the group in the picture. Each of them had their heads turned and were smiling at me in their own way, as my own was tucked. Although Alexei was just a corner of the face as he looked like he was taking the picture while looking at us.

I stare at him wide-eyed. I realized I was not exactly hiding my feelings, but I was not expecting to be approached about them like this. Nor do I even remember the picture being taken.

“I-I just.” I couldn't bring myself to say anything more as he shook his head with a shy smile before grabbing the necklace from my hand and leaning in to put it on me. I close my eyes in fear of having someone so close, even though a part of me probably yearns for any physical connection.

“Everyone cares about you in their own way. You just gotta open your eyes and see it… Don’t just tuck the void down. It’ll overflow and explode one day, I would know.” He tries to tease at his own expense before reaching over for my hand.

I stare at him in slight anticipation before a knock on the door interrupts us. Yelena is standing there, a hand still on the door as she looks at us.

“Did not realize we were having a heart-to-heart. I am getting good at those.” She says, walking into the room. “Can I have a second with Y/N, Bob?”

She looks at him expectantly as she stands in front of his spot at the window. I look at him desperately trying to tell him not to leave me. He seems to consider it for a moment before looking back at Yelena and nodding.

“I’ll come back after.” He reassures softly, looking down at the necklace and smiling slightly before walking out and shutting the door.

I curl into myself more at the thought of talking, let alone with only Yelena.

“Why don’t you like me?” She asks straightforwardly, sitting down in front of me as she looks into my eyes as if she is staring into my soul.

“I don't not-”

“Every time you see me, you run away, and even at dinner, you sit as far away from me as possible.” Yelena cuts me off immediately, and I gape at her, trying to find the right words. “Did I… Did I do something to you? In the Red Room?”

She looks at me expectantly, but I can see the lingering heartbreak behind her eyes as she asks me that question. I did not even consider her resorting to that.

“No! No you didn't.” She lets out a sigh of relief “I just, you have been handling all this New Avenger stuff so well and connected with everyone on the team. You guys are like a family, a dysfunctional one, but still a family. I feel like a part of your past lingering behind you.”

Yeelan stares at me silently. I begin to fiddle with my fingers, and she reaches over, grabbing my hands into her own. I froze momentarily, not expecting this reaction before looking up at her.

“You are a part of my past I would rather leave behind, yes, but that doesn't mean you are the one who hurt me. I see you, and I see the first good thing I did. You fought your way out once you were released, and I have never been so proud. And I only act like I am a good Avenger, I had the best model, you know.” She nudges me slightly with a smile.

“Natasha?”

“My sister.” She confirms with a nod. “She was my older sister and without her I don't know what I would've done.”

“An older sister,” I say wistfully. Someone who would protect me, someone who could be that guiding light- I shake my head to knock myself out of the fantasy.

“You are not beneath me in any way, you are so strong. Stronger than I was at your age, and you have so much farther to go. To make a new name for yourself. You don't have to be a widow. Hell, if you don’t want to fight, I will keep you off of missions. But, maybe you can give me a chance to be for you what Natasha was for me. An older sister.”

My heart beats sporadically out of my chest as the locket and her hands ground me to the earth. A sister? After all of this?

“You don’t have to be alone, you know. I won't let you be ever again. Just let me in.”

“Yes,” I whisper, and I see the joy in her eyes as her hands hold me slightly tighter. Completely missing the flicker of obsession growing behind them.

#thunderbolts #the new avengers #bob reynolds x reader #yelena belova #yelena black widow #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova imagine #Yandere #marvel #bucky barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #ava starr #john walker #alexei shostakov #bob reynolds #robert reynolds #the avengers

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moorlandwitch · 2 days ago

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I always get asked “Why do you do what you do?” At every event, radio show, conference, article I write and podcast I film.

This inspired me to finally tell my story like I’m spilling tea in a nursing home. The good, the bad, the ugly and the destructive. So, let’s go…

At 16 I knew something was wrong with my brain and body. Coordination became harder. Balance was fading. My mind was a constant hamster wheel of anxiety that wouldn’t shut up. Hamsters don’t live long, but this little fucker did!

I was gaslit by hospitals and doctors. The very people that were meant to help me were as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Professionals now telling 18 year old me that if the final tests they were running came back clear, I was to be sectioned as a danger to myself as it was all in my head.

Hint: it wasn’t.

At 19 I was diagnosed with a rare disability that only 15 thousand people have worldwide called Friedreichs Ataxia.

Never heard of it? Me neither. I was handed a pamphlet and sent on my way! A three sided piece of paper that told me the worst things possible. By 20, I’d lose the use of my legs. 25, I’d be unable to speak. 30, I’d develop heart problems. 35, death!

So, it was good news. My life was over! Dramatic? Yes. True? No. But to my 19 year old brain it was very true.

By 20 I had totally sunk into depression and anxiety. Letting my demons play ping pong with the dark thoughts. I used every vice to numb my brain. Alcohol and drugs. Forgetting just for a second who I was. I didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to be me.

I needed to grieve the death of me. Who I thought I’d be and who I was. 2 funerals that was only happening to me.

Or so I thought.

It honestly takes a village. My family, friends and the disabled community showed me patience and love I didn’t feel like I deserved.

I was truly ashamed of who I’d become. Didn’t leave my house for two years! Just wanted to disappear.

Until the disabled community embraced me regardless. Showed me that they had been there too. I wasn’t alone.

All of a sudden I felt like I’d been found from being stranded in the wilderness. Spoken to with such understanding. Relatability. Reality. Truth.

What I thought disability looked like; the toxic, stereotypical, media representation couldn’t be much further from the truth. All these wonderful people weren’t meek, uneducated, monoliths with child like mentalities. Becoming an asexual object in society. Like a lamp. We are smart, confident, strong, opinionated, beautiful, accomplished, sexy human beings! Deserving of the exact same things abled bodied people are.

Now, my disability is very real. The timing is not!

I’m 28 with no speech issues or heart issues. And even though I chose to be a wheelchair user for my independence, my legs still work. My brain still works.

Perhaps too well. Anxiety, depression and ADHD still impact my life. My disability means I’ve learnt to listen to my body. Brain included. Meaning I’ve become more in tuned to knowing when my anxiety, depression, ADHD take hold. No matter where and when. I used to have panic attacks every day before university.

ADHD would (and still do) cause burn outs. Forgetting to eat, drink and sleep due to hyper focus. But it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it. And I learnt patience, understanding, acceptance and love of myself. That was and still is the hardest one of all.

Love really is the strongest superpower in the world. Love changed my life. I have done things I never thought I would. Living alone, independently and doing creative projects I adore. I am proud to look in the mirror again.

Insecurities and imperfections happen. We’re human. But I love what makes a person imperfect. That’s beautiful to me. I would not take back the last 12 years because I don’t know who I’d be without them.

My podcast and the guests that I have on every episode prove to me and keep the message going that it gets better!

I need to get that on a shirt. The motto of my life. But it’s true!

Life isn’t fair and no one makes it off this world unscathed. That’s why I do what I do! Everyone’s got a story. Everyone’s got a journey to tell. To reach out to someone going through the same things, showing them love and hope.

If I can reach out, help one person feeling lost. The way I did. If I can walk them out into the light, then I’ve done what I was put on this earth for.

“That’s why I do what I do.”

No one’s alone and every person is loved and worth it!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Guilt and Shame:

A few months ago I wrote the below post on my journey of sobriety. Making my sobriety public was never what I had envisioned when I went crawling into AA defeated. I’ve been thinking a lot recently on my journey as a human being on this planet. It’s a beautiful thing. I’ve been thinking a lot on guilt and shame surrounding my slip up and I suppose I wanted to share with you more on that.

I have been invited to a recovery house in America to help them raise awareness and money for their charity. I of course jumped at the chance, after all, giving back is what we are lead to do. I would be lying though if I said I wasn’t terrified.

The fear of admitting fault of feeling like I let down those around me. Writing this is terrifying but I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and become more attune with me and what my higher power want’s me to do.

I suppose ultimately I want to share this with you as I’ve already opened the door to this part of my life and it seems vital that I continue to do so.

Fear is at the root cause of so many issues regarding addiction in my experience.

I still have anxiety, yesterday I took the tube to see some friends and had to leave half way through my journey due to the overwhelming feeling that I may at any second pass out. Even at dinner this feeling was hard to shake. It’s hard to describe. I walk out on to a stage to talk with you all or play music or act and I feel little of this, however in daily life it can creep in so quickly.

Whilst my consumption of marajuana wasn’t what I would call habitual I recognize that it was a poor attempt at controlling my own feelings, anxiety’s and stressors. Which is backwards because it wasn’t exactly helping with those things either as they still were there regardless.

Living the life I am fortunate enough to live now I recognize those things and how I respond to them now is with choice.

I suppose writing this is an exercise in digging in, in recognizing the feelings of guilt and shame, in owning up to myself and to my world.

The last thing I ever want to be doing is walking out in to my world with a lie.

It’s hard to know how to end this post. I suppose a thank you would be appropriate, I have a deep love for the world and for people in it. I have a love for my world and my higher power and I was very much moved to write this.

With love.

Jamie

#disabled #disability #disabilties #relatable #mental health #adhd #anxitey

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unholyhelbig · 15 hours ago

Note

Hi!

Can I request a yelena x fem!reader fic where they are in a relationship but they’re in a rough patch and aren’t talking about what they are doing that much. They both work for Valentina and end up in the vault together and have different targets. But basically they start trying to defend each other (because they obviously still love each other) and the reader gets hurt. After all that they end up slowly mending their relationship and start communicating more and basically I want some angst with fluff because I’m a total sucker for that.

Ok thank you soooo much!!! 🖤

Title: In the Darkness Together

Ship: Female!Reader x Yelena Belova

SLIGHT THUNDERBOLTS* SPOILERS

Warnings: Stabbing, mentions of blood, mentions of depression, angst, hurt/comfort, injuries, John being a dick, horrible grammar, I don't proofread

[A/n: Alright, I'll admit that this isn't my best work. I've actually never written Yelena x reader before, I was kind of feeling it out! Feel free to send me some more Thunderbolts* prompts and I'll do my best!]

Main Masterlist | Read my stuff on AO3 | Leave Requests

The knife, the kind that people typically use to debone things, had edged past the Kevlar of your tactical suit and sliced into the meat of your side. It had started as a searing, uncomfortable pinch of pain, and had now faded to a dull ache that thudded along with your heartbeat as you trudged through the desert, nose and fingers frigid.

You applied pressure to it, of course. Had done a hack-job of patching it up and breathing through it. You’d need stitches once you got on solid ground, far away from the annoyances around you. The heat that radiated from the deep wound warmed you up, at least, made it easier to round out the back of the group.

It was easy to tune out John Walker from back here. He insisted on leading and you had conceded out of exhaustion. The wind blocked out his gravelly voice as he listed off his successes in tracking and trapping in the military. You could taste sand, grind it between your teeth loudly to block out the rest of his droning.

There was a body next to you, warm and solid and speaking. Your ears were ringing from the gunfire, and you were paying too close attention to the soft pink of Yelena Belova’s lips. How easy they would be to claim if you weren’t vibrating with a certain breed of anger that made you want to prove your point.

What point was that again?

It had been independence before you’d entered that god forsaken vault. Your target had been easy enough to locate and kill, something you’d done so efficiently that they didn’t even get a chance to step foot into the building. But, you were curious too, wondering what had been so damn important that Valentina agreed to this being your last job.

The whole night had been a culmination of punches thrown and blades twisted in the sinew of your stomach and guns fired. You’d watched Antonia Dreykov drop to the floor in a puddle of armor and a faceless mask that you were thankful stayed on, even with a bullet hole through the center.

“What?” You meant to sound angry, sharper than you were. But it came out sad and broken, even to your own ears.

“You should have let me take a look at that.” Yelena spoke slowly, softly. “It’s not too late, we can stop for a few moments. I can patch you up properly.”

“I don’t need you to coddle me, Yelena.”

You winced, blamed it quickly on the pain. You were turning away her attempt at tenderness. It was the first she had shown in weeks. The two of you danced around one another in the small city apartment you shared. Expertly choreographed moves that involved one toothbrush missing from the cup by the sink at all times.

Neither of you bothered to tell the other when you had a job. You just went. On nights where the two of you happened to be home at the same time, you slept facing away from each other, a decent amount of space between you. Something having shattered along the way, though neither were quite sure what.

Yelena opened her mouth, closed it again. Swallowed hard. She had a crease between her brows that gave way to her worry and you had the sudden urge to kiss it away. It was heavy in your chest, nearly oppressive until you tore your eyes away from hers, stumbled over the heaviness of your boot.

And she was there, of course, she was there. Her hand was on your elbow, holding you up. The concern had ripped through her features in a way that you almost found endearing. This was the most attention the two of you had given each other in weeks. Months.

“Let me take care of you.” Yelena whispered. “pozhaluysta.”

It was desperate, a plea. The word broke like salt rock over her tongue and prickled at the corners of her eyes. Ash clouded her features, marred her skin. Dried blood was against her hairline, head more than likely pounding listlessly. Still, she waited for your signal. One that you gave with a slight nod.

“We stop!” Yelena called out to Walker and Ava, bringing everything to a halt. “We rest for the night. Keep going at daybreak.”

Walker whined at an uncomfortable pitch “Oh, come on. Women need to learn resilience.”

“It astounds me that one agreed to marry you.” Ava replied, shaking her head. She seemed exhausted herself, voice tight, eyes rimmed in darkness. If you stared long enough, her shadow flickered. Perhaps it was a trick of the light. “I could sleep.”

She plopped down onto the hard-packed sand, something that couldn’t be comfortable, but it was finite, deepening the frown lines on Walkers face. He exasperatedly threw his hands up and turned to make himself comfortable on some dusty rocks, shining bright under the moon.

Yelena edged you further away from the two of them, lowering you onto the sand. It still held warmth from the relentless sun, the tips of your fingers digging into the soft barrier. Your back was against a boulder, sprouts of rough buffalograss itched at your forearms.

“Polegche, polegche, detka”

Her hands against you was familiar, something you’d longed for. The tension in your shoulders relaxed, even as she lifted up the soaked fabric of your shirt. It’d dried uncomfortably to your skin, filled your mouth with too much saliva. You swallowed it diligently, letting your head fall back against the rock.

“I would have gotten stabbed in front of you a lot sooner if I knew it would get you to touch me.”

Yelena’s fingers stilled, ghosting over your wound, seemingly satisfied enough with your own patch job. Her eyes flicked up to yours. There was hurt there, vulnerability. There was an insurmountable level of longing that reflected in pools of green. Her cheeks were dusted in red, a trembling breath escaping her before she plopped back on her haunches, arms resting on her bent knees. The two of you stared at each other, beaten and broken.

“I guess we have been kind of stupid, haven’t we?” Yelena let a giggle froth past her lips, sweet and sticky. “Haunting our own house. Each other.”

You shook your head, offering her the small upturn of the lip. “How did we get here?”

There was a blueprint under your skin mapping out exactly how the two of you had ended up like this. Strangers working for the same woman who thought it pertinent enough to pit you against one another in an effort to clean her own hands.

“Lena, when I saw you for the first time, I knew you were the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, and I’m ashamed to say it’s because I recognized a sadness in you that I’d only ever seen when I looked in the mirror.”

Yelena plucked a long, coarse piece of grass from the sand and folded it between her fingers in a nervous habit, she worked the heels of her combat boots further into the ground as if to stabilize herself.

“It was selfish of me to think that I could shove away that dark feeling and the two of us could survive by clinging to one another’s remaining light.” You used the heel of your hand, wiped away tracks of moisture that cut through ash and dirt. “Didn’t take into account what would happen when both of us were surrounded by darkness. There’s nothing to grab onto.”

She sniffed, a heavy and solid sound. “Day in and day out it is all the same. We wake, we go to work, we fall asleep and we try to find something worth living for. You say it is selfish to find solace in someone who feels the same as you. I think it is selfish that we’ve turned away.”

Yelena carefully moved next to you, letting out a groan, her muscles sore and aching from even the slightest bit of statis. Her shoulder was flushed against your own, the sharp scent of gunpowder and sweat filling your lungs, but a citrus that was distinctly your Yelena soothed you.

“Do you ever think there’s going to be a time when we won’t be sad?”

“I do not know.” Her voice broke, “but we can get better at being sad together.”

You swallowed the dryness in your throat, nodded. Wished that the two of you had come to this small realization before you’d been stuck in a vault with other misfits who were hell-bent on ending your lives at the behest of a crooked politician.

Yelena slotted her arm through yours, squeezed it close to her chest. Leaned her head on your shoulder. Your heart clenched fondly at the closeness, not realizing how much you’d missed the simple contact. The softness of her.

You leaned your cheek on her head, breathed in the sweetness of her shampoo. “We should really get a calendar for the fridge.”

“Mm, we can color code.” Yelena nuzzled closer, nosed against your jaw. “Next time we’ll know if we get scheduled to kill one another.”

#Yelena Belova #Yelena Belova x reader #Yelena Belova x you #Yelena Belova x y/n #Thunderbolts x reader #Thunderbolts x you #Thunderbolts #Marvel #Marvel Oneshot

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cinnamoonblue · 3 days ago

Text

Chapter X | Daddy* Issues

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes/nicotine, mentions of drug/substance use, mentions of overdosing, mentions of loneliness, angst, mentions of of depression, mentions of death, losing a loved one, anxiety, mentions of panic attack, mention of relapse, family trauma

Word Count: 14,3K

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NOTE: Please, pay attention to the warnings! This chapter was suppose to be double the length, but I decided that it is for the best to post it like this. I expect that a lot of you might drop the story after this chapter, because Reader is about to do/say something that will definitely come out as very offensive to many, especially if you haven't been or had bad relationship with a parent of yours. It's okay to judge her, but I also hope you understand where those words/actions come from. I hope you will forgive me and not hate me much. Thank you for your patience and support ♡ Ily ♡ Enjoy ♡

Sitting in the front of Usopp’s car I sighed exhausted. The week of shooting rolled fast, and it was so nice to be back in the city. Nami, Usopp and I were on our way to university to return all the equipment we had used for the movie. We were all tired from the long week we had, but at the end it was worth it as the filming went super smoothly and the scenes turned out beautiful.

“You, guys don’t understand how much this is bugging me.” Nami whined as she had for a thousandth of time this week brought up the fact that someone has anonymously donated one thousand dollars to us and helped reach our goal for the donations. “It must be some of Sanji’s rich friends at the party, I’m telling you.” She pointed with her finger at Usopp and me from the backseat of Usopp’s car.

“Does it really matter?” I looked at her with a tired smile. “At the end we reached the goal.”

“We actually went over it.” Usopp pointed out and I hummed agreeing with him.

“Come on.” Nami exclaimed annoyed with us. “You can’t be serious and not be curious who might have sent us the money.”

“We are, juts not as much as you are.” I turned a bit to the side to face her better as I stuck my tongue out to annoy her.

“God forbit a girl gets curious.” She rolled her eyes at me, laughing as she pushed my head away with one hand. “Anyway, wanna grab something to eat after we leave the equipment?” Propping her elbows on the back of the front seats she leaned closer to Usopp and I.

“Hell yeah.” Usopp and I said at the same time.

I have missed this. In the past two, almost three months now, I was avoiding Nami and Usopp as much as I could and after this week spent with them, when we were constantly together during filming and the free time in between shoots, as we used to be before, the realization of how much I had missed them hit me like a truck.

I have known them for less than a year, but they both have become so close and special to me to a point where I didn’t realize it until now.

“We must treat ourselves with a very nice dinner, don’t you think guys?” I looked at both of them with a big smile spread across my face.

“Finally, we speak the same language.” Nami squeaked excitedly.

It took us around an hour to return all the equipment, and in the middle of it, all of our energy went out of the window, so instead of going to a restaurant we went to Nami’s place and order take away food.

Usopp was first to leave her place, as he couldn’t wait any longer to see Kaya. He offered to drive me home, but I turned down the offer as I decided to stay a bit longer with Nami.

We said goodbye to Usopp and Nami went to lock the door after him. Coming back, she clapped her hands as she sat down on the sofa next to me and cleared her throat. “So, it’s finally just the two of us.” Straightening her posture, she gave me a small smile like she expected something from me.

“Why you say it like we didn’t share a room for a whole week?” I looked at her with one brow slightly raised. During the whole production we shared a bedroom in the summer house of one of our classmates, where we all stayed, so I was slightly confused by her comment.

“Yes, but there I couldn’t speak with you.” She pointed out while taking a sip of her soft drink.

“Nami, what do you mean you couldn’t talk to me?” I was getting really confused. She and I spoke every night, day, and every free second we had on set, what was she on about? “We spoke nonstop.”

“Yes, but not about what I really want to speak with you about.” She gave me a knowing look and slowly I started to connect the dots. “Sanji’s party? You being distant since Christmas break? Should I continue or mention names… name?” She emphasized on ‘name’ like I didn’t catch what she meant by it.

Placing the plate on the coffee table from my lap, I took a deep breath before speaking. I knew this conversation was coming, but I was hoping that she would give me a bit more time. She would also not let me get away from it, so I didn’t have much of a choice, but to get it over with.

Taking her hands in mine I looked at her eyes before I spoke up. “I am so sorry Nami. I know that I had been a bad friend in the past few months, but I was going through something…” Taking another deep breath in I needed a moment before I could continue. “Maybe I’m still going through it and I… I just pushed everyone away. For which I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate the apology, but why? What happened?”

It was very hard to keep eye contact with her right now, so I looked away. What was I supposed to say; - “Yes, Nami. You were right about Ace.”

“You know I won’t tell anyone.” She moved closer to me. “Something happened with Ace, didn’t it?” Her voice is gentle, comforting even and as much as I wanted to tell her what had been going on for the past few months, I didn’t know where to start; all I could do was just nod with my head. “From the scale of one to ten how bad are things between you two right now?”

A small sarcastic laughter escaped my lips. “Eleven. Maybe even twelve.” As much as I tried to hide the pain that still lingered in my heart, my eyes betrayed me. It was like my own body betrayed me every time his name was mentioned.

Nami’s eyes widened a bit, not expecting to hear that things were this bad. “I don’t want to push you into talking if you don’t want to, but I’m here to listen without judging.” She pulled me for a hug. When Nami wrapped her arms around me I laid my head on her shoulder and thanked her.

“It’s kind of a long story you know…” I whispered as I pulled away from her.

With a shrug and wink Nami replied to me, “I have time.”

I told her everything with every single detail - from the ‘not official date’, till the last time I saw him at Sanji’s party. The whole time Nami was listening, gasping from time to time, making small comments like ‘No way.’ , ‘You’re kidding.’ , ‘This asshole.’ ect.

“And lastly, at the party he wanted me to give him a chance to start things all over again or whatever.” I rolled my eyes remembering the moment when Ace locked me in a room with him. “By the way this whole thing with Kid there was to get a reaction out of Ace or whatever.” This was something I wanted to clarify before she asked about it. “And it was his idea.”

“It did work.” Nami chuckled. Raising one of my brows I tilted my head to the side, questioning her what she meant by this. “You did get a reaction from him. I saw how Ace was looking at you the whole time while you were ignoring him. I think he got jealous.” I haven’t put much thought into this, mostly because one day after the party we went away to film and my mind was occupied with other things which led me not to allow myself to think much of what Ace had said to me.

“But what did he mean by start all over again?” Nami’s voice changed from understanding one to aggravated by all she had heard so far. “Like what? Friends? Lovers? What exactly?” I couldn’t respond to this question as well as I hadn’t allowed myself to dig much into it or at all.

“I don’t know Nami.” Looking down at my hands and playing nervously with my fingers I took a deep breath. “I haven’t put many thoughts into it, nor did I ask him.”

“Good.” She was quick to say. “I can’t believe it. I’ve always known that he is not serious when it comes to girls, but after all you’ve told me…” Looking at me with big disappointment in her eyes, Nami shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll want to see Ace ever again.”

“You know what hurt me the most?” I quietly said. “He never said sorry.” Biting on my lower lip, I could feel my eyes watering. “He just came and asked for a fresh start without even apologize for the damage he has done.”

“Please, don’t cry.” Nami grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me closer to her in a hug. “This asshole doesn’t deserve more tears from you.”

“It just… it still hurts…” Saying this out loud made it even more painful. I have never been stuck on someone for so long, why was it so hard to move on from him? What was it that made him so special?

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Nami’s voice was quiet, it came out almost as a whisper.

I stayed in her arms without moving. This was another question I have avoided asking myself. Did I still have feelings for Ace? Probably. Did I want to dig deeper into myself to find the proper answer? No.

“I don’t know.” I answered, pulling away from her. Looking behind Nami to avoid her gaze, I noticed the time on the clock hanging on the wall. “Gosh, look at the time. I must go home.” Getting up from the sofa in a hurry, Nami got the hint and followed after me.

“You can stay over if you want.” Her suggestion sounded very nice, but I needed some alone time, especially right now.

“Thank you, Nami but I’m missing my own bed a bit too much.” I raised my head and smiled at her while I was putting my shoes on. Getting up on my feet and unlocking the door I looked back at her. “Are you going to edit with me and Usopp this week?”

“Probably.” She said, as she opened the door. “Please, text me when you get home.”

“I will.” Taking a step closer to her, I hugged her once again. “Thank you, Nami. I haven’t realized how much I needed a girl talk until tonight.”

“Oh, please, you know I love gossip.” She joked as she patted me on the back. “Now go. You don’t want to miss the metro.”

Going back to the neighborhood where he grew up was never easy for Ace. He left this part of town eight years ago when he was eighteen and since then if his aunt didn’t really need help with something he would not come back. Not because he felt ashamed of where he grew up, but because he wasn’t very wanted there. This area of town he couldn’t escape his birth name and the blood running through his veins. Here no matter what he was known as Gol D Ace, no matter how many times he corrected people no one bothered to listen to him, all they saw in his face was a famous criminal’s bastard.

Taking his helmet off, he deeply inhaled and exhaled before getting off his motorbike. He hasn’t seen or talked with his aunt in months. Their relationship was very rocky since Ace went and almost beat the life out of Teach. Not like the relationship between them before this event was good, but after that night things went completely downhill, and that was why Ace was here today. He needed answers to a lot of questions, which only his aunt could give him.

Stepping into the familiar old porch Ace knocked on the front door. He waited for a moment before the door opened and his aunt stood in front of him confused.

“Ace? What are you doing here?” Dadan couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. It has been at least eight months since the last time she had seen her nephew.

“Came to visit.” Ace replied, pointing with his eyes towards the hallway, asking for permission to enter the house.

“Come on in, boy.” Dadan moved to the side and let Ace in. “No, need to take your shoes of, I’m in the middle of deep cleaning anyway.”

Both made their way to the kitchen, the place still the same, nothing has changed since… forever. The old wooden kitchen cabinets were in desperate need of change, the sunlight streamed through a small window above the sink, casting a soft glow on the well-worn surfaces. The fridge being at least thirty years old, now with surprisingly a lot of pictures and magnets hung on it, something Ace didn’t remember being a thing in this household as he grew up here. The only thing that was new was the stove.

The kitchen, though old and in need of repair, remained the heart of the house Ace once used to call home, not sure if it did feel like one, but it was a place where memories were made and shared.

In the middle of the kitchen was the dining table. Pulling one of the chairs, Ace sat down and waited for his aunt to join him. “I see you finally bought a new stove.” He was the first one to break the silence.

“Yea, it was time to say goodbye to the old one.” Lifting the coffee pot in one hand she asked with a gesture if he wanted some, to which he nodded. Pouring two cups with coffee, the mid-fifties years old woman brought them to the table and sat down opposite her nephew. “I must thank you for it.”

Since the band had taken off so fast and things were going financially great for the guys, Ace started sending Dadan money every month. He was aware that she was still struggling with bills so sending her a few hundred per month didn’t hurt his pockets at all.

“Don’t need to.” He told her, taking a sip of the coffee. The taste of it was very bitter, too bitter even for his preferences, but he didn’t say anything, he just put the cup down and cleared his throat.

Taking a good look at his aunt, he could see that she was starting to age more visibly now. After all she was pushing to be sixty in a few years, and she was never the type of woman to take much care of her appearance. Her hair was curly and untamed as aways, now with some silver lining locks on it. Her face has a bit more wrinkles than before, but other than this she was the same. Oversized shirt and her favorite dark olive pants. These pants were such a trademark on her, till this day Ace wondered how she managed to find the exact same color and how did people still produce them or she just both a hundred pairs one day twenty years ago and since then she stuck with them.

“So, how’s life?” Small talks were always uncomfortable for him. He knew why he was here, but he wasn’t sure how to ask, how to start or formed his questions aloud.

“My life?” Dadan responded with a sarcastic laugh. “Same old, brat. Same old.” She shook her head. Her life has been the same since she could remember, which made her sad. Life wasn’t the fairest towards her, but this was something she never complained about, nor that she could if she wanted to. “I should be asking you this. You’re a big star now.” She reached over the table and patted Ace’s shoulder.

Awkward laughter escaped past Ace’s lips. Was he a star? Maybe…? Was he a big star? Definitely not.

“I wouldn’t call myself big.” Ace said, propping one elbow on the table and massaging his temple with his fingers.

Clicking with her tongue, Dadan hummed. “Don’t get modest now. You’re a big thing. I hear you on the radio at least once a day. Yesterday in the supermarket they played one of your songs while I was at the check-out.” Dadan smirked as she took another sip of her coffee. “You should have seen the face of the cashier girl when I told her my nephew and kid are you and Sabo.”

Ace couldn’t contain to withhold the bitter laughter that left his lips. He had always been the nephew, Sabo and Luffy were her kids. Dadan never referred to him as her kid or son, even though she raised him since day one and he did in fact share the same blood with her.

Dadan gave him a strange look, wondering what Ace was laughing about. “What’s funny, brat?”

Poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, Ace snorted as he needed a second. Looking down at the floor he slowly shook his head as he ran one hand over his face. He came here with a lot of questions, and he planned to have answers for them, whenever he liked what he would hear or not.

“Don’t you wonder why I came here unannounced?” Straightening his posture, he finally looked his aunt in the eyes.

Dadan observed his face carefully. She would be lying if she said that her heart didn’t break from time to time for her nephew. This kid grew up with so much sorrow and anger in his heart. There was always this mixture of lust for life and sadness deep coded in his eyes. Part of her had wondered if he had ever felt happiness, real happiness in his life? She also knew that a big part of this sorrow came from her and the way she raised him, but what could she have done better?

“I do, Ace. You barely call or come to visit.” She didn’t dare to move her eyes as she was focused on guessing what was going on in his mind. Why did he look so tired, so miserable. “You do send me money, but… that’s all.” And this hurt her.

No matter how much trouble Ace had caused her in the past she did miss him. She wouldn’t say it aloud, but she did. And right now, she could see that something was clearly bothering him.

“Are there any problems with the band?” Ace just shook his head and mouthed ‘no’. “Is everything okay with Sabo and Luffy?” She only got a nod for a response. “Then what is it, brat? I’m not going to play guess with you.” Her tone became a bit harsh. Dadan was never a woman with a patience. With the way Ace was acting right now, her patience was running tin.

Hitting the table with his hand Ace couldn’t take it anymore. “Has it ever crossed your mind that I might not be okay?” The woman in front of him got a bit taken aback from his outburst. “Why is it away – how are Sabo and Luffy, but never how is Ace?”

For the first time ever, Dadan could not only see the sadness in her nephew’s eyes but hear the pain in his voice. What has happened to cause this?

Ace on the other hand was breaking from the inside. He was feeling at the edge of his being. After the last time he had seen (Y/N) at Sanij’s party, and how much he had hurt her, he wanted nothing else but to end it all. The pain in her eyes made him feel literal physical pain and he couldn’t believe that he had caused it. The only person who had brought a bit of peace of mind and happiness into his life, he had hurt so cruelly that he knew it was beyond repair. She would never forgive nor want to have anything with him ever again – and he deserved it.

That was why Ace was here today. He wanted to know – was he bad because of who he was a person or because of the blood that ran through his veins? Maybe Ace was a bad person after all, but he needed to know if it was all on him, or he could have a little peace with himself that and blame his father for the way he was. Did blood have anything to do with how we turn out as people or was it all based on another factors? Could we blame someone on how we turned as adults – good or bad, or the only person we could blame was no other but ourselves?

“You know, no need to answer this.” Ace waved his hand in front of his face to brush off the question he just asked. The answer was always obvious he didn’t need an answer to know it. “I didn’t come here for this question in particular, I came because…” Shutting his eyes and biting on his lower lip, he took a deep breath before he could say the name of his so-called father aloud. “I want to know about Roger.”

Dadan couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Ace had never asked about his father; about his mother – yes, but father – never.

“What do you want to know about him?” She asked, carefully observing Ace.

Pushing the chair a bit, Ace propped his elbows on his knees and buried his head in the palms of his hands as he slowly started to rub his head. He was having so many headaches recently and they were killing him. “Everything you know, with details.”

Dadan needed a minute or even more. What did she know about Roger? To be honest she didn’t know much. All she knew was mostly what people were talking about him – a criminal, a bad person. That was all she knew or at least wanted to believe.

With a heavy heart Dadan got up from the chair without saying anything, leaving Ace in the kitchen alone. She made her way to her bedroom. Going to her old chest of drawers, she opened the last one. There in an old box she kept something away from Ace since he was born, and now she started to realize that maybe she should have given it to him way earlier in his life. She wasn’t even sure why she hadn’t given it to him already, but she thought that he never cared to begin with about his parents or how they lived their lives.

Opening the old box there was a pink covered diary with black laced flowers around it and a little quote – ‘Do everything in love’. It used to belong to her sister Rouge. There she had written so much about her life and mostly her relationship with Roger. There might be all the answers Ace was looking for.

Going back into the kitchen, her nephew was still there. He sat on the chair with his back hunched over the table, lost in his own thoughts. Placing the diary in front of him on the table, he gave her a questioning look. Walking to her chair, she sat back down and pointed at it.

“This is your mother’s. All the questions or answers you’re looking for about your father must be there.”

“Have you read it?” Ace reached to take the dairy. It wasn’t very big, clearly very old, but it was quite used. His mom must have written a lot in it.

Avoiding looking at him, partly ashamed, Dadan nodded. “Yes… yes, I have.”

Opening the diary Ace slowly started to read through it. Most pages were with dates. His mother had a lot of hobbies, some quite strange from what he was reading. Most of the pages had stickers or pictures attached to them. His mother was a very interesting person. Page after page he finally reached the one where his father’s name was mentioned for the first time ever.

01.01.1997

The New Year’s Eve party I went to last night was amazing. I danced and sang all night. It was one of the best parties I’ve ever been to. It was with a lot of new people I’ve never met before, but it was so much fun.

I also met a very interesting man there. At first, he was loud and annoying, and I couldn’t stand him. He didn’t stop bothering me the whole night and demanding a dance with me. Finally, I gave up and I agreed to have one dance with him if he would leave me alone after and he agreed.

At first, I liked nothing about this man. He was obviously a bit older than me, but it wasn’t this that bothered me. But it all changed with one stupid joke and his jokes were awful (note to myself if I ever have a son – make sure to tell him to pick good jokes).

But this joke made me laugh like I’ve never had before, and it was like a light switch. Something changed like in a movie. It was like I got under a spell or something, because now I can’t stop thinking about this man. I can’t stop thinking about Roger.

06.01.1997

I thought that I would never see him again, but I was wrong. Today when I was at work someone walked into the flower shop and asked for me, saying that he was being told I work there. I was in the back when I heard my name being called. It was him. It was Roger.

He asked one of my friends where I work, and they told him, and he came to see me. He also invited me on a date. We are going out this Wednesday. Where? I don’t know, he said that it was a surprise.

I feel a bit weird about how excited I feel about this date. I’ve never felt like this before. Should I be afraid?

23.03.1997

Things with Roger are going great. I’ve never been more in love with someone as much as with him. I’m not just in love with him… I feel like I love him, but I’m a bit afraid to tell him. We have been together for two months. What if I scare him away?

But there is something else… he is hiding something from me. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like it. Sometimes he acts weird, and he is quite rich for a man who claims to own just a pizzeria. I think he is doing something illegal, but I’m not a hundred percent sure. I must ask him.

14.04.1997

I was right and I don’t know how to feel about it. Roger confessed to me what he was up to. But he also confessed that he loved me.

I need time. I do love him as well. I do… a lot… but, I’m not sure if I can look past the fact that he is a up to a lot of illegal activities. This steps over my boundaries for what is moral and what not.

That is why I asked him for a bit of a time apart. I love him, but I hate the way he makes money for living. How can such a carrying and loving person do such a thing?

Carrying and loving? Ace had never heard someone referring to Roger as such. This must have been some other man, because it couldn’t be his biological father.

06.06.1997

It has been two months since I last saw Roger. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I miss him. I miss him so much - my heart, my soul, my being are crying for him. I want to be with him, despite everyone and everything. I love this man. I hope that he still loves me too.

17.11.1997

Life lately has been crazy. I even though I lost this diary.

God, I’m so in love. Life has never been better. I’ve never been more loved or carried about by someone as much as Roger does for me.

It is funny in a way. A man with such power in the criminal world to be capable of so much love. Sometimes it hurts me how some people portrait him as this bad, uncaring, sadistic person, yet he is not. Or at least not like this with the people he loves.

I’ve met most of his closest men. It’s funny how men who can break someone’s bones so easily are actually such sweethearts. There are two guys my age that work for him – Shanks and Buggy, they are like brothers. Both of them hilarious in their own way. Shanks is very cocky and low-key Roger’s favorite, while Buggy is a whole comedy show on his own.

Ace had to stop reading for a second. He knew that Shanks used to work for his father, but Buggy? Is that the same Buggy the Clow? (Y/N)’s dad. Thinking about it now and how you and Shanks are not actually blood related at all this made so much sense.

He didn’t know how to feel about this. The fact that your parents were connected somehow and years later you two met unexpectedly… the world was in fact very small.

Taking a deep breath in Ace shook his head and he continued to read his mother’s diary. There was so much to process even from only what he had read now.

Shanks tried to hit on me the first time he saw me, very sleek and cocky, but after he got a good slap on the head by Roger, he never dared to do it again.

Life is going on pretty fast now. If someone a year ago had told me that I would meet the love of my life I would have never believed them, but life has a funny way of showing us things that are meant for us. And Roger and I are meant for each other.

02.02.1998

We are getting married. I can’t believe it. Roger proposed to me. I’m over the moon. The man who I have been so in love with and love with all my heart and soul proposed to me.

I can’t wait for the day I will call him my husband, and he will call me his life. Gol D Rouge – it sounds so much nicer than Portgas D Rouge.

If it’s up to me, we’ll get married tomorrow. All I need is him and someone to marry us, but Roger wants to give me my dream wedding. How do I tell him that all my dreams start and end with him?

There was a polaroid picture attached to this page. Ace unattached it from the staple that was holding it and carefully observed it. Both Roger and his mother were on it, with Roger’s arms around Rouge, while she had hers around his neck and they both looked so happy… so in love. Their smiles were big; it was so clear that it was a real happiness that could be read in their eyes. Roger was dressed in a black suit while Rouge was wearing a white dress, almost as if they had gotten married, but they never got the chance to.

Putting the picture to the side, he turned the next page of the diary, and his brows raised with a bit of surprise. There was an ultrasound picture dated – 04.05.1998. His mom was in fact a big collector of memories.

10.05.1998

A week ago, I found out that I’m pregnant. I’m carrying mine and Roger’s child. Our first child.

I told Roger today. He cried. This big, scary man broke down crying when I told and showed him a picture of the ultrasound. Seeing him down on his knees, wrapping one arm around me and the other placed on my still flat belly made me realize something – I choose the best man and soon to be father for me and my child.

To our future dear baby – I don’t care about the gender, and does neither you dad, I want you to know one thing – you are wanted and very, very loved even before you are born to this world. - Love mommy and daddy xx

Ace reread the last paragraph again, and again, and again. He never knew that he was a wanted child, let alone a loved one by both of them, or at least his mom, after all this was her diary. He had heard from his aunt that Rouge was excited to become a mother, but now reading her own words… she really did want to be one. She did want him.

14.08.1998

My first trimester finished. My belly is still not showing much, actually not at all. I wonder if the baby has enough space in it.

I’m so happy. My precious baby is growing steady and healthy. I can’t wait to hold it in my arms already and so is Roger. Every night and morning he have a special routine with my belly – in the morning he sings to it and at nighttime he tells it bedtime stories or one of his many stupid jokes. The baby of course… wait why do I keep writing the baby? I’m sorry my love… You, of course, my precious child, still doesn’t response to us at all, but I’m looking forward to the day when you’ll start kicking me with your little sweet feet and let us know who sings better – me or your dad (I really pray you get my voice… your dad’s a lost cause).

A little laughter, almost like a giggle, left Ace’s voice. Her wish did come true. This was something that even Dadan had told him million times, that he got his mother’s talent when it came to singing.

Also, your dad is stuffing me with food. I’m not eating for two, I’m eating for at least four people. My biggest pregnancy craving so far is spicy food. I’m craving so much spicy food, and I think it comes from you little rascal of mine, you seem to like it a lot, but I’ll see if I’m right once you come into this world.

We still don’t know if you will be a boy or a girl, but both your dad and I think that you’ll be a boy. It’s a weird gut feeling, but we are like eighty percent sure that we’ll be right. But you can always prank us and turn out to be a girl. Nevertheless – it doesn’t matter. We love you to the moon and back already. - Mommy and daddy xx

Ace could feel his heart getting heavier and heavier. How could they have loved him already so much? And how was this the same man he had heard so many bad things described as such loving and carrying person? His dad… loved him? Roger… Roger so far didn’t sound bad or sadistic… he sounded very fun and nice, almost likable.

02.10.1998

You kicked for the first time ever today. It was in the morning, while your dad was singing to you. God, I wish I had a camera with me in that moment. Your kick was so precise and right in your dad’s face. I think you (and I) had enough of his awful singing.

Your dad and I will be finding your gender tomorrow. I’m so excited. We have already picked the names, or should I say your dad did: If you are a boy – Ace, after the band ‘Ace of Base’. Your dad and I had our first dance to their song ‘Lucky Love’ when we met for the first time ever. If you are a girl – Ann, after your dad’s mother, which I never got the chance to meet, but from what I know from you dad, she used to be a very lovely woman.

Ace pulled his phone immediately and searched for the song. He knew the band, but he had no idea he was named after them. He had no idea it was his father who picked his name.

While Ace was deep diving into his mother’s diary, Dadan pulled and lit a cigarette. Guilt was eating her alive. She should have given him this diary a long time ago. Maybe this would have been better for him, maybe then he would have less anger and sadness graved into his heart. But right now, all of this would be one big ‘What if…’

I can’t wait to know what I’ll be calling you from tomorrow. Your dad has been calling you Ace for some time now already; it’ll be funny if it turns out that he should have been calling you Ann this whole time.

Lots of love, - Mommy and daddy xx

03.10.1998

My Ace, my precious little Ace, my baby boy Ace.

We found out that you’ll be a boy today. We were right. I can’t wait to meet you baby. I can’t wait to hold you, and kiss you, and shower you with all the love I have in me. There won’t be another baby as loved as you will be my dear.

Now that I know that you’re a boy the strong kicks in my belly make even more sense. Part of me already sense that you’ll be as stubborn as me, but I do hope that you will take after many of your dad’s qualities as well – to be brave like him, strong, smart, carrying and so so many more.

We’ve already prepared ourselves to be the best mom and dad out there. Oh, Ace… I can’t wait to experience life with you. I can’t wait to see your first smile, hear your first giggle, see you taking your first steps… I can’t wait to meet you, my love.

Tears built up in the corner of his eyes and slowly started falling, something Ace hadn’t experienced for years. He didn’t remember the last time he cried, not even when he was watching (Y/N) leaving his apartment’s building that awful night three months ago; now they were falling one after another from his eyes and he couldn’t stop them.

He brought his fist to his lips and bit his knuckles as hard as he could to suppress the sobs threatening to escape his lips.

‘I can’t wait to experience life with you.’ These words stuck to him the most. This was beyond love. This was beyond everything. How much should you love someone to want to experience life with them?

Your dad and I spoke one night about how the perfect mixture of us would look like and I think we came to agreement – it doesn’t matter. Because you are already the perfect mixture of us and our love. - Love mommy and daddy xx

11.11.1998

To my Roger,

Today I had to see you getting buried six feet under the ground. Today a part of me got buried down there with you.

Life isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair to you, to me, and to our Ace.

Life wasn’t fair to you as it took you away so young. Life wasn’t fair because it took you five weeks before our Ace gets to be born. Life wasn’t fair to you because you would have to watch and protect Ace from above while you were meant to do it next to me.

Life isn’t fair to me. It took the man I’ve loved the most. The man that I’ll love forever. Life isn’t fair to me, because I can’t afford to grieve you the way I should, because I must make sure nothing will affect the health of our Ace.

Life isn’t fair to our son as well. He’ll never get the chance to meet you or know you, but Roger, I promise on my life, this child will know how amazing his father was and how much he loved and waited for him. I’ll make sure Ace knows how special he was for you, and he must be proud to be called your son.

I promise you that I will do anything and everything to protect him from this world. I promise you, Roger – Ace will grow to be a strong successful man. He is our child after all; he will make it.

The pain he was feeling in his chest spread through his whole body. His mother wasn’t able to keep any of the promises, but to bring him to this world, with the price of her life. And for what? For her son to turn into a failure? Good for nothing?

Life wasn’t fair to his parents; this was something Ace could really agree with. Mostly to his mom.

26.12.1998

Our son is a week late. I was supposed to give birth to him a week ago, but so far, he is quite stubborn and doesn’t want to get out. I think he is planning to wait until thirty first exactly, so you two can share a birthday. Not that I mind. I’m going to give him all the time he needs. When he feels like it’s his time to come into this world he’ll come.

Recently he has been kicking me like crazy in the morning. I think he misses your awful singing as much as I do… I miss it so much I started to pray that he can actually takes over your singing talent.

I can’t wait to hold him. Our Ace is the only thing left now which will remind me that I’ll have a part of you with me forever.

I love you, Roger. Always and forever.

This was the last page Rouge had written only five days before she would give birth to Ace and pass away.

His mind was a complete mess. They wanted him. They loved him. His parents were excited to have him. All he knew was this mom wanted him, he never knew how much she actually did and that she loved him so much. Not only this but his father… his father wasn’t so cruel as other people have portraited him to be. All his life Ace had heard how Roger took advantage of his mother, that he never loved her, he even heard that he had just used her once got her knocked up and never looked after her again, but the truth, the reality of it all was completely different.

Roger and Rouge were in love. Ace was made with love. He was wanted.

His heartbeat increased and he felt like his skin was burning hot, yet he was wearing only a T-shirt. With the increased pulse of his heart he felt like there wasn’t enough air to fill up his lungs. Cold sweat started to run down his forehead, grabbing his shirt with his fist he tried to take deep breaths as he could feel everything around him closing. The vision in front of him was blurry. He felt like everything around him was collapsing.

Dadan put her cigarette down and rose from her chair. What did he read to cause this reaction out from him? She had never seen Ace in such a state before. Scared, confused, fighting to breathe, all shaken up. What made him so emotional?

Walking next to him she grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. Ace’s head snaped towards her and in that moment, there in front of her wasn’t standing the big grown-up man he has become, no – in front of her was standing the little boy Ace. His eyes, red and still filled with tears, looked at her with so many questions in them. He looked so lost right now. Lost and scared.

“Try to breath kid.” Dadan told him as gently as she possibly could. Letting go of his shoulders she went to the sink and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. “Here drink.” She walked back to Ace, whose chest was still raising up and down like he had run a five kilometers marathon.

He couldn’t focus on what his aunt was telling him, but he still took the glass of water. With a shaking hand he lifted the glass to his lips and tried to calm his breathing a bit before he could take a sip.

Ace wasn’t sure how to feel right now. Finding out that you have always been wanted and loved by your own parents, even if they weren’t among the living people anymore, after twenty-six years would be a huge shock for anyone. Finding out that the man, who’s happened to be your father, was not the monster everyone portrayed him to be, was even bigger. Because now… now Ace couldn’t blame his father anymore for his heartless behavior.

Trying to calm his breath and collect his mind, Ace placed the glass on the table and got up on his feet. His aunt took a step back, giving him some space. Running his hands through his hair Ace closed his eyes before he spoke up. “Why?” The question came out as a whisper. Raw and painful whisper.

“What why, Ace?” Dadan took another step back.

“Why you never gave me this?” Taking his mother’s diary from the table Ace angrily waved it at his aunt’s face, shouting at her. “Why Dadan? Why?” His voice was cracking from anger, disappointment.

If a second ago he was consumed by fear and sadness, now Ace was seeing red. He felt like something that has always belonged to him has been kept away as a punishment. But punishment for what - for whom was his father or that he was born?

“Don’t dare to yell at me, brat.” Dadan screamed back at him. She would never let her be disrespected in her own house. “I never thought you care about your parents to begin with, let alone your father.” She answered more calmly. “Plus, I was afraid you might take after his bad criminal side.” Moving to the table she took her pack of cigarettes and pulled another one out, lighting it up. She took a long drag of the cigarette before she continued speaking. “You almost did, thought.”

“But I didn’t.” Ace’s voice roared so loudly it could have been heard even outside. Walking closer to Dadan he locked his eyes with her. He and her shared the same eye color, but now he was a bit darker than usual and full of rage and pain.

“All my life Dadan.” Slowly and quietly, he started speaking. “All my life, I felt guilty to be alive and I’ve always seen it in your eyes.” He pointed a finger at her. “You’ve always blamed me for my mother’s death. Always. After all these years I’ve always felt that you have some kind of resentment towards me, and don’t you?” She didn’t respond. Her face was like a stone. “If you’ve hated me this much why you didn’t give me to child services or something?”

“Because I’ve promised your mother.” And deep down she knew she had failed her promise. She always knew this, she just didn’t want to admit it.

“You promised her what exactly? And what exactly she made you promise?” Ace took a few steps back and waited for a response.

“That I’ll take care of you, brat.” Dadan said more harshly this time. She wasn’t the type of person who openly talked about things that would cause her pain. That was why she wanted this conversation between her and her nephew to be over. “Didn’t you get the answers you were looking for from that stupid diary?” She pointed with her hand at the pink diary in Ace’s hand.

“I did and now don’t know who or what to believe anymore.” Ace did get a few answers out of it, but now he had even more questions. “You’ve always said that Roger was a bad person and partner to my mother, but here-” He raised his hand holding the diary. “Here, with my mother’s words, he is a completely different person and far away from a bad partner.”

“Oh, Ace.” Dadan sighed. “I won’t believe everything your mother had written about this man. She was so blindly in love with this man, of course, she only saw the good in him.”

“So, there was good in him after all?” Ace walked to the table and rested the palms of his hands on it.

“Your mother was a young beautiful woman that Roger took advantage of it.” Dadan raised her voice a bit. “Like it or not Ace your father was a bad person.”

“You’ve said it yourself that you two never officially met. How do you know how good or bad of a person he was?”

“Are you defending him now?” His aunt raised one brow surprisingly.

Was Ace defending his father now? Maybe. As much as he didn’t like it, maybe after what he just read about him from his mother’s perspective had messed up with his opinion about his father and now, mostly because of Rouge, Ace felt like he had to defend his father in some way.

“Maybe, I am.” It was hard to say it out loud, but he did. “This doesn’t change the fact that you try to answer my questions with a question.” Sitting down opposite her, Ace tapped with his fingers on the table as he gestured to his aunt to start speaking. “Come on, Dadan. You’ve already messed me up years ago, believe me, nothing you say today, would make my live any more different than it already is.” A small sad smile was placed on his face.

The house got quiet. The only thing that could be heard was the warm spring wind coming from the opened window in the kitchen and the clicking of the clock on the wall. The curly ginger haired woman didn’t know what to say. She felt ashamed. She had felt like this many, many times before. Mostly because she knew she failed her promise. But today she realized how much she did actually fail.

Clearing her throat she finally spoke up. “You’re right Ace. I don’t know how much your father was a bad or a good person, but I never liked him. My sister, your mother, she was a woman with so much potential. She could have actually gotten out of this bad area of town, she could have gotten a very good job and had a very stable family, but sadly she met your father. And yes… she did love him. She did love him very much.” Saying this out loud, Dadan remembered one of the few times her little sister shared with her some of the things Roger had done for her. Her eyes were glowing every time she would mention his name. She would keep every flower he gave her even after it was dead. She would always say how Roger was the love of her life. Her soulmate. “From what she would tell me about him from time to time… yes, it did sound like he loved her as well.”

Ace was listening carefully. Dadan had never opened up to him or anyone to begin with. She was like an emotionally disabled person, there was barely any emotion she would show, and if they were any it was usually anger or disappointment, at least towards him. Sabo and Luffy received some love from her in one way or another.

“Before she died in the hospital bed…” Dadan needed a moment before she could continue to speak. Till this day, the thought of her sister’s last minutes before she passed away hunted her like a never-ending nightmare. “She called for me and I went inside her room. You were wrapped in her arms, and she was gently creasing your face while you slept. She called me in her room because she wasn’t feeling good. Then… then…” Tears started to build up as she remembered more and more the words her sister told her. “Then she looked at me and I could see tears in her eyes, but they weren’t tears of sadness, Ace… she was crying from happiness, even though she was in pain and not feeling good… she… she held you up a-and s-said…” Dadan��s voice cracked as tears were falling down like waterfalls from her eyes. “She said – ‘Look at him, Dadan. Isn’t he perfect?’” She buried her face in the palms of her hands as sobs started to escape her lips.

Ace didn’t say anything, nor did he try to calm his aunt down. He was just listening carefully and trying to assimilate what he had heard. And what he had heard broke his heart but also brought him a bit of peace. His mother had held him. He always thought that she had died immediately after his birth, but this wasn’t true. She got to spend some time with him. He got to spend some time with her, even if he couldn’t remember it, he had been held and loved by his mother even if it was for just a moment. He got the chance to be loved by her.

Wiping her tears away and trying to collect herself, Dadan cleared her throat and continued. “And you were Ace. You were perfect. You were innocent… a-and still are, when it comes to your mom’s death. I’m sorry if I ever said or made you feel like you were at fault for this. It wasn’t your fault. It was the doctors.”

Ace couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All these years he thought and was told that it was his fault. But it never was.

“She died from internal bleeding. But before she did, and they took her for emergency operation she made me promise that I’ll take care of you… and love you as my own child, like you were my own son… b-but I… I-I c-could never do this…” Her heart was breaking. She never took the role of his mother fully, because she never could. “I couldn’t do it, because you were their child. You were… you are her child, and the thought that I should take her place as your rightful mother never sat right with me, because… because no one could have been better mother to you than Rouge.” Ace didn’t say anything, he just let his aunt continue to speak. “I always saw myself as your aunt and never as your parent and now I realize how wrong I was for not at least try to be the mother you needed.”

Neither of them dared to say something. Tears were streaming down their faces. Both hurt by the same fate, but in different ways.

Ace wasn’t moving at all. He just let the tears fall. His mind was a mess, his heart was hurting, and his body was paralyzed. Seeing him in such a state broke Dadan’s heart. The realization of how much she had hurt this child, her child, her own and only living blood made her stand up and for the first time ever, in years, she went and hugged him. She hugged him in a strong hold and kissed the top of his head.

“I’m sorry, Ace. I’m so sorry for all the damage I’ve done to you.” She whispered to him. “You’re a great child and a young man. Your parents would have been proud of you.” She could feel the way his body was shaking and hear how he was trying to hold his sobs. “I’m proud of you son.”

Hearing this, Ace finally wrapped his arms around his aunt and let himself cry, without suppressing his voice. He let himself being vulnerable, something he never had done before.

It had been four days since me and Usopp have been editing. We had seven hours of material, of which so much could be used, but we decided to not make the movie longer than twenty minutes.

Looking at the time my eyes widen. “Oh my, we’ve been editing for eight hours.”

“What time is it?” Usopp turned to look at me as surprised as I was.

“It’s already six thirty.” And we were nowhere close to being done, we would need at least five more days or more. Taking a glance at Usopp, I clapped with my hands to catch his attention, as he had turned back to the computer’s screen to fix something in the editing program again. “I think we can call it the day.”

“Yea, we should probably do this.” Saving the progress we had made so far with the movie, Usopp closed the editing program and then turned off the computer. “Do you want me to give you a ride?” As much as his offer sounded very nice, I decided that it was best to turn it down. “You sure? I don’t mind.”

“Uh, Usopp, you’re a sweetheart. Kaya is a lucky girl.” I said to him with a smile as we made our way out. “But yes, I’m sure.”

Before we part ways and say goodbye, I asked him what time we should meet tomorrow only for him to remind me that tomorrow we must speak with the second-year students for our internship with them and which groups we would like to join. Something that totally had left my mind.

“Have you chosen a group already?” I was hoping he would say ‘no’, because working with a certain someone from the second year would be quite awkward for me.

“No, I’m still debating which movie to choose. Dave’s one is supper cool, is more of a modern sci-fi vibe, so maybe I’ll chose his group.”

“Oh, is he directing?” I was surprised to hear this. Knowing Dave and what he wanted to do with filmmaking, directing wasn’t his main goal.

“Apparently. He’s very excited about it.” Usopp turned to pull me in a hug as we reached the exit, and we were to go on our separate ways. “I doubt you would choose his, but it’ll be a very nice movie, think about your CV.”

Looking away awkwardly I just nodded. “Yes, sure. Well, we’ll text then. Bye, Usopp.”

Making my way to the metro satiation, I pulled out my headphones to listen to some music, but I have run out of battery for them. I took this as an opportunity to observe the outside world and also to see if someone was following me.

This weird feeling that I was being followed hasn’t left me for weeks. The only time I didn’t feel followed was when I went away for a week, but since I came back the feeling did as well.

Two stops before mine, two girls entered the metro, no older than sixteen. They were holding hands and singing while one of them had her phone up in the air. I couldn’t recognize the song at first nor heard it as they were wearing airpods, but the lyrics sounded familiar. Like I have heard this song before somewhere.

“Uhh, this is my favorite part.” One of the girls said as she continued to sing.

I tried to write your name in the rain, But the rain never came

As they sat in front of me and continued to sing, it immediately clicked to me where I recognized this song from… it was his song, to which I mentally rolled my eyes.

And if you were my little girl I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you I know that you got daddy issues

This song was everywhere and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t escape it. It was played so played and streamed, to a point where I personally think it was overplayed.

“Ace please, I can be your little girl.” One of them said while the other giggled. I couldn’t help but side-eyed the girl by the comment she made. Was she aware that she was a minor?

“Shut up, he is mine. I can cure his daddy issues.” Her friend replied and they started to mess with each other.

“Well, him and Law can cure mine for sure.” The first girl playfully licked her lips and they erupted laughing.

I couldn’t suppress the annoyed chuckle that left my lips. The two teenaged girls noticed it and gave me a weird look, which I chose to ignore.

Luckily, my stop finally came, and I left the metro. If I had to listen to one more dirty comment about Ace or any other of the guys, I was going to shoot myself on the spot. I doubted that they would still think the same if they knew how Ace treated the girls he was interested in. It was all fun and games until he decided that it was boring to play.

God, how I hated thinking of this man. I hated how much effect he still had on me despite all the things that had happened between us. Since I told Nami about what happened, my thoughts have gone back occasionally to him and the night of Sanji’s party.

Did he really get jealous when he saw me with Kid, and why would he? He was the one who didn’t want to have anything to do with me in the first place, and now he saw me with another man and immediately decided that he wants me back or something? And this whole ‘Let’s start all over again’ bullshit pissed me off so much. ‘Don’t forgive me just give me a chance.’ – did he think I was this brainless and so easily manipulated? I would neither forgive nor forget, because he didn’t deserve either of these.

Being caught up in my thoughts I finally approached my street and the building I lived in. My whole mood had changed. I was so pissed, and it was again because I allowed myself to think about him.

Not paying attention to my surroundings, I bumped into someone as I was searching for my keys at the bottom of my bag, I said sorry without even looking at them, but then they called me by my name, and this made me freeze on the spot. This voice. This painfully familiar voice which I hated from the bottom of my heart. What was she doing here? Swallowing hard I took a deep breath and continued to search for my keys in my bag. My name got called again. I felt the keys at the bottom of my bag and pulled them out.

“Please, (Y/N), wait.” Her voice has always been soft and a bit raw, I guess it was from all the crack she had smoked over the years. She came closer to me as I was opening the door, still ignoring her. “I just want to speak with you.”

Reaching with her hand to stop me from entering the building I snapped and finally turned around when I felt her hand touching my shoulder. “Don’t you ever dare touching me.” I felt the unpleasant feeling of disgust and anger taking over me. “What are you doing here?” So far in my life only two people have mastered how to make my blood boil, one less than the other but still -Ace and my mother.

I haven’t seen her in years. Last time she tried to reach out for me was almost two years ago and it was on the phone, so I cut her fast by blocking her number. Then I didn’t speak with my father for a month because he had given it to her, and he knew how much I despised this woman.

But seeing her in person was a surreal feeling, something that hasn’t happened since I was five years old, yet I could still recognize her face. Despite all the drugs she has taken over the years I would be lying if I say that she was ugly. The substance abuse had made her age a bit faster and added an unhealthy look to her, but still the same face I had seen in the pictures my dad had kept over the years.

I have always hated how much I looked like her but seeing her after all these years twisted my stomach in a very unpleasant way.

“I’ve wanted to see you and speak with you.” She took a small step back. The look of fear and guilt written all over her eyes, same color as mine. “Your dad gave me your address and…” She cleared her throat. “And I’ve been here for some time now, trying to approach you as-”

Cutting her off and not letting her finish her sentence I raised my voice at her as I let go of the front door and closed it angrily. “Were you following me around?” Looking down at the ground she slowly nodded. “I knew I wasn’t crazy.” I murmured under my breath.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.” The way her voice trembled with fear made me give her a questioning look. “I-I just want to speak with you, please just one conversation, I beg you.”

What was with people and wanting to talk with me recently? Since when have I become such an important person to people who have hurt me and now want to become part of my life again?

Without saying anything I looked away. The street wasn’t busy, there were barely any people passing by. The wind was blowing softly as the sun was slowly starting to go down. It was just me and her at the top of the staircase leading to the entrance of the building.

Looking back at her, with zero emotions on my face, in an even, unbothered tone I spoke to her. “What you want or beg for, you won’t get from me, because I don’t care. Now go away as I don’t want to see you ever again.” Turning to open the entrance door once again, I stopped because she called me by my childhood nickname, the one given to me and used only by her. This made me snap. “Don’t you ever call me this ever again.”

I never knew that my voice could be this loud. I also never knew how much exactly the pain and the anger I carried towards her were, until a quite vivid memory of the last days I got to spend with her played in my mind the second she called me by it.

It was a day like today. Sunny and warm but still windy. We went on a walk while my dad was at work. She asked me if I wanted an ice cream and to go to the park. I was almost five, of course I wanted ice cream and to go to the park, so we quickly made our way there. I remembered the way she gently held my hand and slightly swung it back and forth while I was happily skipping right next to her. When we finally reached the park and the ice cream shop she let go of my hand and let me run to the ice cream truck.

“Mommy, come.” I called out for her. With my tongue sticking out, I got on my tiptoes to look at the ice creams at display. “Mommy, mommy, fast.” Clapping with my hands excitedly I start jumping on one spot.

She finally came and picked me up in her arms. “Have you chosen already?” Her voice was so soft and caring as she caressed my little face. Nodding eagerly, I pointed at the ice cream I wanted. “But, honey, you won’t like this flavor.”

“Please, mama.” I grabbed her face with both hands and gave her puppy eyes.

Sighing she shook her head with a smile, before giving me a kiss on the forehead and buying the flavor I wanted and one more ice cream for her. Putting me on the ground so she could take them I bounced excitedly on my feet, reaching with my hands for the ice cream.

“Let’s go to the bench over there and I’ll give you the ice cream.” Pointing at the bench next to the playground I didn’t waste any time and ran off to it.

I sat on the bench and patiently, as much as one four, almost five years old child could be. Sitting next to me she handed me the ice cream with one little spoon. “Thank you, mommy.” I gave her one big toothy grin before digging the small spoon into it.

The moment I tasted the ice cream I turned to face her with a grimace. She started laughing at me and the faces I was making. Calling me by the nickname she always used for me, she took the ice cream from my hands. “What did I tell you?” There was nothing that sounded like scolding in her voice or looking like she was pissed. She was just gentle and caring. “Here, take mine.”

I took the ice cream she handed me, and my eyes shifted between her and the cold sweet treat. “But mama… this is yours.” I handed it back to her, but she shook her head.

“It’s yours.”

“Thank you, mommy.” I made a kissy face which made her lean closer to me so I could kiss her cheek. “You’re the best mama in the world.”

I never saw her after that day, nor did she try to contact me until I was twenty. Now she stood in front of me, having the audacity to call me by the nickname that I hate from the bottom of my heart, and wanted to have a conversation with me.

“Do you really think that I want to see you or speak with you after you didn’t bother to acknowledge my existence in the past seventeen years?” Taking a step closer to her made her move a step back from me.

“I was going through something.” She quietly said. Did I hear her correctly? She was going through something?

Raising my brows as I couldn’t believe what she had just said to me, and I chuckled. “You’re joking, right? You can’t be seriously telling me this?”

Shaking her head, she pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear, and I noticed the way her hands were shaking as she started to play with it. “I-I was in a v-very dark place.” Swallowing hard she looked at me with fear. “B-but you n-never left my mind. I was t-thinking about you all the time.”

A makeshift of mocking laughter left my lips. “Was this during smoking crack or sniffing something?” She turned her head to the side and her whole face scrunched as I continued. “Or was it during some psychotic episode?”

Wrapping one of her arms around herself she slouched her posture a bit. “I-I’m clean now.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Bringing my hand to my ear I pretended like I didn’t hear her. “Did you say you’re clean?” I faked excitement in my voice. “Oh my Gosh, congratulation. For how long two, three days? And what now, you wanna play mother and daughter?” Clapping my hands mockingly I waited for her response. I bet she fooled my father that she was clean, but she couldn’t fool me.

“Please, stop acting like this.” A soft painful cry left her lips.

Placing my hand on my chest I gave her a pitiful look. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I just happened to grow up without mother, so I lack a lot of manners.”

I was blinded by my anger. I didn’t know how much of it I had been holding for her until I saw her standing in front of me. All these years when I desperately needed a mother she wasn’t there and now it was too late. The person who brought me to this world was the first person ever to abandon me and for which I would never forgive her.

“For which I’ll never forgive myself, but p-please g-give me a chance for just o-one conversation.” She pleaded once again.

Slowly I shook my head. “No.” This time there was no mocking or laughing. “That night you left you made the conscious choice of abandoning me. I grew up without you. When I needed a mother, you weren’t there.” Tears started to fall from her eyes. “Instead, you were out there, who knows doing what.” I couldn’t hide the disgust in my voice. “You chose drugs over your family. Over your daughter.” She tried to say something, but I didn’t let her. “No, you wanted to speak with me, right? Here I am. Speaking to you.”

There were so many things I wanted to tell her. So many things I wanted to ask her as – ‘Why did you leave?’ Was I such a bad child that she had to just… leave? She didn’t even bother taking her stuff, we just woke up one day and she was gone. The first time she tried to contact us again was eleven years after. For whatever reason my father did keep in contact with her after that. I never understood why till this day he was so keen on her, but I didn’t really want to know the answer to this as I was sure I would not like it.

None of this matter now. As much as I had a lot to say to her, I also didn’t want to say anything. But I was hurt, and I needed to let her know, let her feel my internal pain from all these years, because this was the first and last conversation she was to have with me.

“I don’t care if you’re going to forgive yourself or not, because I never will.” Hearing this she pressed her hand to her lips to suppress the sobs coming from her. “I don’t care if you are clean or not, because I doubt that you’ll last long without your precious crack.” I couldn’t help but give her a disgusting look. “All these years I kept asking myself why – why did my mother left me? Was I such a bad child?”

Looking at her directly in her redden eyes I wanted to make sure that she would listen and understand what I was about to say next. “But there was no answer to these questions, until one day it hit me. I was never the problem; you were just one disgusting excuse of a mother and the worst thing that I got to carry within myself is the fact that I share the same blood with a piece of shit like you.”

My words were cutting deep into all the wounds she had but I wasn’t planning to stop nor to apologies about it. “Why you want to speak with me or see me doesn’t matter. You can go back to your biggest love in this world also know as crack and make sure to have fun and live without worry in this world as you have done so far. Be-”

“Stop, just stop talking.” Her scream interrupted me. “None of this is true, I had to go away because otherwise I was gonna end my life, would you have preferred this?” She then moved a few steps closer to me until she was standing just millimeters away from my face. “Would you have preferred to have a dead mother more than one that was not present in your life?”

“Yes, yes I would!” I screamed back at her. “Did you really think that abandoning me was the better solution? Do you even hear yourself? Actually, don’t answer this, all the shit you have smoked and taken has obviously fried your brain.” I couldn’t control myself as I pushed her away from me with one hand as she got way to close to me.

“Don’t you dare pushing me, I’m your mother.” She yelled at me and slapped my hand away.

“You’re not my mother.” I yelled back. She was pushing all my buttons at the same time. How could she call herself a mother? Giving birth and being a mother were two different things, apparently, she wasn’t aware of it. “For God sake, you left. You left and never came back and now is too late, and I don’t want to see you.”

“But here I am standing in front of you and asking for a chance to be your mom.” Her yell got mixed with desperate cry.

“I don’t need a mother. When I did you wasn’t here and now is too late, so go away before I call the police.” I turned around and inserted the keys to unlock the entrance door.

“So, you want to tell me that if I go and die tonight you won’t care?” She said behind me with a trembling voice.

Without looking at her, I clenched my fists and jaw hard as I tried to remain as calm as I could possibly be. “You’ve been dead to me for quite some time now… so it won’t make any difference.” Without waiting for a response, I shut the door after me and made my way to my apartment.

I was shaking by the time I reached it and entered it. Closing the door behind me I leaned my back on it and slowly fell down to the ground. All the anger and hatred and pain shifted into uncontrollable sobs. In between them I was gasping for air as everything around me seemed to suffocate me.

With shaky hands I reached out and pulled my phone, dialing my father’s number. It didn’t take long before he answered. “How could you?” I cried on the phone.

“Baby girl? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” The tone of his voice changed immediately. “Are you hurt? What happened?”

“D-don’t act like y-you don’t know.” Gasping for air once again before I responded I tried my best to calm myself, but I couldn’t. “H-how c-could you give h-her my a-address.” I wasn’t asking, I was shaming him. I wanted him to feel bad, to feel guilty. “You… you know I d-don’t want to have o-or do a-anything with her. I don’t want to be associated with this person, how could you let her know where I live?”

I have never felt more betrayed in my life than I was right now. The thing that hurt the most was the fact that it was my dad of all the people who did it. He knew how much it took me to accept the fact that she left us, he knew how much I closed myself for the outside world when she abandoned us and how hard it was for me to slowly start opening again. Seeing her today, after all these years, made me feel like all this progress over the years flew out the window.

My dad stayed quiet for some time, listening to my gaps for air, not knowing what to say first. Finally, I heard him exhaling heavily before speaking up. “I’m sorry, baby girl… but she is your mom, and I couldn’t keep her away from you.”

“You couldn’t keep her away from me even after you know how much this would affect me?” My heart was breaking. Of all people, I never expected this from my father. He was always my safety place, but now all I could feel for him was like he was my worst enemy.

“She is clean, and she wants a chance to show you she loves you.” He tried to defend her, which only added to my pain. Did he forget what we had been though because of her absence? “Please, give her a chance. I know that you don’t really know her, but baby girl… you mother is not a bad person.”

“My mother abandoned me, dad!” I screamed onto the phone. “She left me. Do you hear me? She left! She made the choice to leave while I needed her the most! How could you defend her after all the damage she had done to me? To us?”

My throat hurt from all the screaming. I could feel my voice slowly dropping an octave every time I screamed and tried to make my father understand me. “How could you defend the woman who abandoned you and your child?” I whispered as tears continued to fall on my face.

“I’m sorry, baby girl.” He quietly said. “Please, take some deep breaths and calm down.” His pointless attempts to calm me down were only adding to the fuel.

“I don’t want to calm down.” I yelled with whatever voice I had left. “I want to know why you betrayed me like this. You of all people. I thought you love me and never would allow anything to harm me, yet you sent the person who had hurt me the most straight to my home. How could you, how?”

The anger was somehow gone and replaced by the pain in my chest. This hurt way more than when Ace pushed me away three months ago, and I thought back then that nothing would ever hurt more but was I wrong.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen baby girl.” I could hear the guilt in his voice. “But… I thought that maybe if you meet her, you’ll find it within your heart to forgive her. I-I thought that even if it might be late, you two could try and fix your relationship.”

“Dad, do you hear yourself? What relationship?” It wasn’t like me and her fought two weeks ago and now we should make it up and forgive each other, no. I never fought with her until today, because I never got the chance to grow up with her. She abandoned me before I was even five years old; there was no relationship between me and her at all. It never existed and it would never.

“Baby girl, I know, but you must understand me and the position I’m in as well.” He whined from the other side of the line.

“What position, dad? What must I understand? The fact that you get so easily manipulated by a woman who left you seventeen years ago, is this what am I supposed to understand?” I really couldn’t understand him, neither did I want to.

“Don’t be so harsh (Y/N)!” He scolded me with a harsh tone which left me surprised. He had never really done this, why was he so defensive over her.

“Why are you so defensive for her but not me?”

“Because you’re acting like a child right now, and I wasn’t expecting this from you.” His tone continued to be a bit harsh. “Your mother is clean, and she is very scared and lost, but she is also trying to do the right thing by fixing things with you, but you as always have to make things complicated as you are sometimes so stubborn.”

I didn’t respond to this, I just cut him off by ending the conversation. He chose her over me. He chose her wants and needs over my own. He broke all the trust I had for him, and I would never be able to forgive him for this.

My phone started to vibrate. My dad was calling, but I ignored it. I just stared at the empty space, not really focused on anything, just staring. My mind was a mess, thought after thought running through it. I felt so alone, so lonely. I had no one to call who would understand me, or at least I couldn’t call him. I found it both scary and hilarious that even in a moment like this one, the only person who I could think of giving me some kind of comfort happened to be the one who had also broken my heart a few months ago.

I recently read somewhere – ‘The irony of pain is that you want to be comforted by who hurt you.’ I got the meaning when I read it, but I didn’t really understand it. Not until now. But it didn’t matter. I guess I was meant to be a loner. Maybe I was one of those people who deal with sadness and pain all by themselves. Maybe at the end of the day I was a bad person, because good people have a shoulder to cry on, didn’t they?

What my father said before I ended the phone call might be right. I was quite stubborn and harsh sometimes, maybe I was in fact the problem. Maybe my mother and I could have been able to fix things between us, but now we would never know.

Now I would never know, because the next morning I woke up my phone was spammed with messages and calls from my dad. Swallowing the pain and the betrayal I called him back, and part of me wished that I didn’t. My mother was dead.

I had killed my own mother. Not literally, but I did feel like her death was on me. It was my words who made her relapse. It was my actions towards her yesterday that made her overdose later that night. It was me who told her that it didn’t matter if she was alive or not as she was already death to me. It was her blood on my hands. It was her death that it would be on top of my shoulders, carrying it on my back as a cross and reminder that I am in fact a bad person. And bad people don’t make it far in life.

END NOTE: This chapter was supposed to be way, waaayyyy longer, but I decided mid-way editing that it was better to leave it like this as I realized that I wrote such a beautiful parallel between Ace and Reader and this should be the main focus for this chapter. I want to say that this moment between Reader and her mother was meant to happened and it was in my mind probably since chapter three of the story. I understand if you all hate me for the last part of the story and if you find it a bit too harsh, believe me I did try to actually made it as "soft" as I possibly can so I don't trigger someone with some trauma or something. BUT this is how I see the story going and this is how I plan to deliver it. I don't like flat character and I don't plan to write about such. Both Reader and Ace are complicated and this is what makes them perfect for each other, but there is still time for their relationship to develop more. While Ace somehow "improved" the relationship with his family and read how wanted and loved he always had been, our girl Reader went in complete spiral with her parents and how they hurt her growing up and also feeling betrayed by her father mostly. One of them got their heart a bit fix while the other got another heartbreak to add to their record. As always I will appreciate any feedback and reflections by you guys by either commenting or messaging me. I love hearing your thoughts on how the story goes and what you liked or didn't. ♡ Thank you for reading it ♡♡♡

✰ taglist ✰ @orange-milky @neospade @bluetokie @glaciuswduo @izoswifey @l-l-light @kanekisheart @gojossixtheyes @lilink @kitsunechan707 @kattywhomper

♡ comment or message me if you want to be included in the taglist ♡

writing, format & dividers © cinnamoonblue fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©cinnamoonblue, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

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judesmoonbeauty · 2 days ago

Text

SurpriseBag 2025: Dress Up With the Queen's Aide Doll - Victor's Story

Fan translation only. Accuracy not 100%. Please expect grammatical errors. Creative liberties are taken. Cybird owns everything. Re-blogs are appreciated, but please do not post my translation elsewhere, claim them as your own, or use them without my permission. Thank you for your support! ☾.

Victor: How about something like this?

Kate: Oh my gosh, that’s so cute….!

Victor: And isn’t this nice?!

Kate: It’s beyond cute, Victor!

Victor is so adorable as he poses on the bed that I can’t help but smile.

I thought Victor might be feeling anxious about being a stuffed toy, but he seemed to be enjoying the situation more than I was.

Victor: I think this one is better, what do you think?

He was so cute sitting with his legs spread a part, with his head tilted to one side.

Kate: You’re adorable no matter what you do….

While grinning, I give serious thought about how to make him cuter.

(That’s it!)

Kate: Victor, would you like to change your clothes?

Victor: Change my clothes?

Kate: Yeah, like putting on ribbons and accessories, or we could go clothes shopping!

Victor’s voice bubbled with joy at my suggestion, but he also appeared to be considering it.

Victor: OOOOH THAT’S SUCH A GOOD IDEA! But, we should probably stay at the castle since we don’t know when I’ll turn back.

(Good point. Then….)

I bring out a box of hair accessories that has lots of ribbons and pins inside.

Kate: What about letting me use these to make you even cuter?

Victor peeked into the box and then raised his hands in amusement.

Victor: Kate, I’m leaving it to you to make me cute!

Kate: Yep, just leave it to me!

I put him on my lap and tried to tie up his hair, but...

(I can’t tie it up because his silky hair’s changed into this fluffy fabric…..)

Although I planned to use this chance to have matching hairdos, I grew dejected when I realized it wouldn’t work out.

Victor: What’s wrong?

Kate: Actually, I was thinking about having matching hairstyles, but it looks like it would be difficult to do up your hair like this…..

Victor: Ohh….

Then he picks up some pearl pins and hands them to me.

Victor: I think I could wear a pin like this.

Victor: I would love to match too, but why don’t we save that for when I change back?

Victor: You can do up my hair, and then I’ll do up yours as you teach me.

Victor: What do you think? I think it’s a good idea.

His expression didn't change, but he was surely smiling as gently as always.

And as he spoke, my depressed mood quickly disappeared.

Kate: Yeah, let’s do it!

Victor: Yay! First, let’s make me look cute!

As Victor said, I put several pearl hair pins into his hair.

I also put floral embellishments on his ears and lace on his sleeves—

Kate: All done!

I grab a hand mirror to have him check it over.

Victor: My, I'm incredibly pretty.......!

Kate: You’re so cute that if you were in the stuffed doll section, you’d be the first thing I’d reach for!

Victor: Would you be happy to receive me as a gift?

Kate: Of course…..Victor?

He held his hand to his cheek and stared at himself intently, then he got off my lap and reached for the box.

Afterwards, he took a ribbon and tied it around his neck, trying his hardest with his fluffy hands—

Victor: Here, a special gift just for you Kate.

The stuffed Victor doll with his bow knot, stretched his arms towards me.

He was so precious that I couldn't help but hug him.

Kate: I’m so happy, thank you so much!

Victor: I never thought you’d be this happy for me putting on a ribbon-

Instantly, there was a popping sound with billowing smoke, and the arms of the person I love dearly reaches behind my back.

When the smoke cleared, Victor was hugging me in his original form.

Victor: I changed back.

Kate: You’re back….that’s great.

(It's a shame I won't get to see the cutie pie Victor anymore, but it's a relief that’s he’s returned to normal.)

(I should remove the decorations.)

Now that he’s back to his original state, I stretch out to remove the accessories, but Victor caught my hand.

Victor: You’re removing it already?

Kate: What?

He touches the ribbon around his neck and smiles.

Victor: Since you haven’t received your special gift yet.

When I realized his intention, I'm sure I had the same expression on my face as him.

Kate: Yes, I should accept it properly.

When pulling the ribbon undone, he captures my lips and pushes me onto the bed.

While I was absorbed in the sweet kiss, Victor smiled.

Victor: Being a stuffed toy wasn’t so bad.

Kate: Haha, you did a lot of posing for me.

Victor: I’m so happy that you were happy.

Victor: And it was nice being picked up by you.

Victor: But…..

(Ah….)

I gasped when I see heat fill his eyes.

Victor smiled charmingly and said,

Victor: Now it’s my turn to hold you.

I told him that “I like the cute you, but your usual self is the best.”

His eyes narrowed in delight and he pressed his lips to mine again.

T/L note: I know....I went a little wild with the pearls, but this is Vivi, and he's fabulous. He deserves a crown of pearls <3 Kind of wish we could've gotten frills for Jude....

Tag List: @sh0jun @theimaginativelyreticent @sapphire-323 @velisle @nateko @greatwitchsongsinger @injudescoat @aeyumicore @complexivelovely @yuoi-the-magnificent @husbandosandladders @nawlink @justgiulia @vickietickie @greedyqueensfavourite @sharigax @belphiesleftpinkytoe @reimy1164 @barellorkilaam

If you’re 18+ and wish to be added to my tags, please comment or DM me.

#ikevil #ikemen villains #ikevil victor #ikevil translations #cybird translations #ikemen villains translations #ikevil victor translations #ikemen victor

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hollowed-theory-hall · 2 days ago

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Hi! So obvi we didn’t get much time w them together, but do you think w more time Sirius/Harry would have been more physically affectionate? It just kinda seemed like they were holding each other at a distance especially in ootp, w the one armed side hug, hand on shoulder etc.

And what do you think of the scene in the cupboard where Harry is venting his concerns to Sirius and Sirius kinda …sends him to bed and walks out lol do you think that’s more of Sirius keeping a distance?

I think Sirius is keeping a distance in OotP, but he isn't doing it for the sake of keeping distance. Also, that the scene you mentioned isn't quite that. I think keeping distance isn't his intention:

“Sirius,” Harry muttered, unable to stand it a moment longer. “Can I have a quick word? Er — now?” He walked into the dark pantry and Sirius followed. Without preamble Harry told his godfather every detail of the vision he had had, including the fact that he himself had been the snake who had attacked Mr. Weasley. When he paused for breath, Sirius said, “Did you tell Dumbledore this?” “Yes,” said Harry impatiently, “but he didn’t tell me what it meant. Well, he doesn’t tell me anything anymore. . . .” “I’m sure he would have told you if it was anything to worry about,” said Sirius steadily. “But that’s not all,” said Harry in a voice only a little above a whisper. “Sirius, I . . . I think I’m going mad. . . . Back in Dumbledore’s office, just before we took the Portkey . . . for a couple of seconds there I thought I was a snake, I felt like one — my scar really hurt when I was looking at Dumbledore — Sirius, I wanted to attack him —” He could only see a sliver of Sirius’s face; the rest was in darkness. “It must have been the aftermath of the vision, that’s all,” said Sirius. “You were still thinking of the dream or whatever it was and —” “It wasn’t that,” said Harry, shaking his head. “It was like something rose up inside me, like there’s a snake inside me —” “You need to sleep,” said Sirius firmly. “You’re going to have breakfast and then go upstairs to bed, and then you can go and see Arthur after lunch with the others. You’re in shock, Harry; you’re blaming yourself for something you only witnessed, and it’s lucky you did witness it or Arthur might have died. Just stop worrying. . . .” He clapped Harry on the shoulder and left the pantry, leaving Harry standing alone in the dark.

(OotP, Ch22)

Harry, as usual, seeks Sirius' advice when something is wrong. Sirius is the adult Harry trusts the most, so it isn't a surprise there. Sirius' reaction, though, is much less helpful than he usually is (especially back in GoF). And I think there are two contributing factors to it:

a. Being back in Grimmauld Place.

Being back in his childhood home brings back a lot of unpleasant memories for Sirius. He is depressed, he is imprisoned again in a place he thought he'd never return to, the Order and Dumbledore don't treat him like it's his house, and he knows he has no power over the Order, his own home, or what happens to Harry and he feels lost and scared and is trying not to show Harry any of that.

This scene shows some of it:

“Don’t worry,” Sirius said. Harry looked up and realized that Sirius had been watching him. “I’m sure they’re going to clear you, there’s definitely something in the International Statute of Secrecy about being allowed to use magic to save your own life.” “But if they do expel me,” said Harry, quietly, “can I come back here and live with you?” Sirius smiled sadly. “We’ll see.” “I’d feel a lot better about the hearing if I knew I didn’t have to go back to the Dursleys,” Harry pressed him. “They must be bad if you prefer this place,” said Sirius gloomily.

(OotP, Ch6)

Sirius lets Harry down not because he doesn't want Harry to live with him, we know he does, but it's because he knows he isn't making the decisions. He knows Harry would go wherever Dumbledore sends him, and he doesn't want to get Harry's (or his own) hopes up for something he knows he has no control over.

Not only that, but he knows him wanting Harry to get expelled and stay with him (which he wants) is selfish and would be to Harry's detriment. So, he's trying to not make it an option, neither for himself nor for Harry.

And we see he hides his depression from Harry. We know he drinks enough that Harry smells it on him:

Sirius was hurrying toward them all, looking anxious. He was unshaven and still in his day clothes; there was also a slightly Mundungus-like whiff of stale drink about him.

(OotP, Ch22)

But never in front of Harry. While Harry is at Grimmauld, Sirius doesn't drink and doesn't let himself lose himself, even if he wants to, because he is trying to be there for Harry. Whenever Harry says anything, Sirius immediately jumps to accommodate. Sirius cares, a lot, he's just in a shit mental state.

“Right — yeah,” said Harry distractedly. It was his last chance to tell Sirius to be careful; he turned, looked into his godfather’s face and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could do so Sirius was giving him a brief, one-armed hug. He said gruffly, “Look after yourself, Harry,” and next moment Harry found himself being shunted out into the icy winter air, with Tonks

(OotP, Ch24)

In the above scene, Harry wants to tell Sirius to be careful and watch out for himself, something Sirius doesn't want to hear. Sirius knows he is being self-destructive when Harry isn't around, and in the above scene, I always read it as him wanting to not promise Harry he'd be careful. Because if Harry asked him, he'd promise, and if he did, he'd feel inclined to keep his promise, which he isn't interested in doing. He wants to self-destruct, and he knows Harry wouldn't like it.

b. Dumbledore's orders.

We know Sirius was told by Dumbledore, Molly, Lupin, etc. that he shouldn't tell Harry the full story. Not only that, but Dumbledore told the Order about some of his suspicions regarding Harry being possessed by Voldemort:

“Yes,” said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded rather uneasy. “You know, Dumbledore seems almost to have been waiting for Harry to see something like this. . . .” “Yeah, well,” said Moody, “there’s something funny about the Potter kid, we all know that.” “Dumbledore seemed worried about Harry when I spoke to him this morning,” whispered Mrs. Weasley. “ ’Course he’s worried,” growled Moody. “The boy’s seeing things from inside You-Know-Who’s snake. . . . Obviously, Potter doesn’t realize what that means, but if You-Know-Who’s possessing him —”

(OotP, Ch22)

Dumbledore expected something like it, and even Molly noticed, Moody thinks it's obvious this is a case of possession — you think Sirius doesn't realize it? Sirius probably thinks like them, that Harry was temporarily passed by Voldemort, and he's terrified.

He shuts down Harry's fears in the pantry scene because these are probably his own fears, too. He is trying to convince both Harry and himself that Harry is fine and isn't possessed by Voldemort. That he isn't dangerous or in danger because he would be helpless to help him. And Sirius hates feeling like that. It's how he felt all the time in Grimmauld.

The scene in the pantry always read to me like very aggressive reassurance mixed with denial.

#harry potter #hp #hp meta #harry potter meta #harry james potter #sirius black #good godfather sirius black #the only canon sirius black #anonymous #asks #hollowedtheory

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uceyliyahh · 16 hours ago

Text

GUARDED

summary: Genesis has been protecting her heart ever since she filed for divorce and didn’t want to be in another relationship until he came around and changed her mind.

this fanfic is 18+ NO MINORS ALLOWED

warnings contain: emotional abuse, divorce, depression, fighting, mention of blood, disposal of bodies, slight injuries, mention of a gun, drugs, unprotected sex

word count: 7.5k

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

smut warning: it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I am improving at the moment

Jimmy Uso x Genesis

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

again mdni you have been warned.

thanks to my friend @charmed-dreamssss for helping me with the title 🫶🏽

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️ @pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign @prettyfilmz @sharmelasworld @spiicii @formulafortyfour @theusotwinzcom @mingisfavgf

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic @mjonthetrack

@charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @justazzi @xbriexx @celesteheartsjey @4milly @luuvprincess @yyaktayak @yana3sworld @shanthefemalerapper @bloodlineslut @bookuce @sheaabuttaababyy @li-da-savage @luvrsluxe

𝗳𝝷𝝻𝝲𝞃𝝴𝝴𝝶

𝜣𝒎𝜼𝒊𝒔𝝇𝒊𝜺𝜼𝝉

gigispovv has posted on their story!

jonathanfatu replied to your story: we in this 4ever mamas 🩷

yaonlylivonce replied to your story: OMG THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING HIS INITIALS TATTED ON YOU I LOVED THESE OMG

biancabelairwwe replied to yours story: Gigi omgggg

jadecargill replied to your story: YOU GOT TATTED BITCH? OH JIMMY GOT YOU HOOKED

americannightmarecody replied to your story: JIMMY IS INNNITTTT

uceyjucey replied to your story: ain’t this like your first tattoo sis?😭 how it feel?

carmelohayes replied to your story: he got it like that? For you to get matching tattoos together?

trinity_fatu replied to your story: WTFFF??

jonathanfatu has posted on their story!

gigispovv replied to your story: I love you sooo much 🥺

uceyjucey replied to your story: twin loves him some Genesis mane I tell you 😭😭

trinity_fatu replied to your story: ARE U FUCKIN KIDDING ME? FIRST THE TATTOOS NOW THIS? what happened to us….😔

romanreigns replied to your story: tell Gigi the fan wants to see her again dawg

jadecargill replied to your story: I’ve seen Trin crashing out BADDDD but oh well you got Gigi thank you for taking care of her 🫶🏽

carmelohayes replied to your story: it’s still on sight when yo’ ass comeback bitch ass nigga

jacariiii replied to your story: appreciate you for taking care of my lil sister.

Atlanta, Georgia - 1:00PM

Genesis lounged in bed, enjoying the snacks Jimmy had brought her before he headed off to the gym with her older brother Jacari. She noticed him stowing his Glock in his gym bag, leading her to believe he was taking it for safety, so she decided against probing further into the matter.

While munching on her snacks and browsing TikTok, she stumbled upon a familiar video on her feed. It was Trinity, seemingly throwing shade at her without realizing it. She rolled her eyes at the clip before swiping up, choosing to ignore that girl completely.

As she continued to scroll, a text from Jade suddenly appeared on her screen, prompting her to tap on it while she licked the chip dust from her fingers. Just moments before, Jade had spotted it on Trinity's TikTok, right before sending it her way.

With a message too.

Jadebae🌪️: girrrl you see this bs?

Gigi🤍: yeah, I did and I just scrolled past it bc she’s just pissed that Jimmy is with me now 🙄

Jadebae🌪️: LITERALLY BIG MAD 😭😭 but how is it back home? Did your folks get to meet Jimmy?

Gigi🤍: yeah and they really love him including my mother do you know she showed him my baby pics I was so embarrassed 😭😭

Jadebae🌪️: PLEASEE your mother is so funny bro

Gigi🤍: you remember Darrius?

Jadebae🌪️: dirty dick Darrius? Yeah why? Was he there?

Gigi🤍: hell yeah he was tryna flirt with me and Jimmy wanted to kill him right there

Jadebae🌪️: ewww and he should honestly but Jimmy is crazy about you Gigi, he tells us that many times

He even told her how many times he was crazy and addicted to her.

Gigi🤍: Ik….and I love that shit🥴

Jadebae🌪️: is the dick that good?

Jade knew the answer to that already

Gigi🤍: if your man makes you squirt three times and talks you through it what does that tell you bestie

Jadebae🌪️: HE MADE YOU SQUIRT??? THREE TIMES???

Genesis started cracking up at her best friend's reaction to her text message.

Gigi🤍: yes three times Jade three times that’s why I’m so sore rn because of him he’s dangerous asf 😭🙂‍↕️

Jadebae🌪️: nigga put that ass to sleep

Gigi🤍: GURRL HE SURE DID BEST SLEEP I GOT

Jadebae🌪️: 😭😭 BYE GIGI but how’s the family and where Jimmy at?

Gigi🤍: everyone is doing good mama and papa love Jimmy and Jimmy is with Jacari at the gym

Jadebae🌪️: damn so he’s apart of the fam now?

Gigi🤍: yep sure is

Jadebae🌪️: I love this for you bestie

Gigi🤍: me too finally I can be happy and it’s also scary I haven’t heard from Zilla

Jadebae🌪️: KEEP IT THAT WAY BC YK JIMMY WILL KILL HIS ASS

Gigi🤍: yeah Ik his crazy ass 😭😭

Genesis had seen a text message coming from Jimmy which made her smile but she made him wait after she was done texting Jade.

Jadebae🌪️: I heard Melo been talking shi on the gram and had seen his face all fucked up

Gigi🤍: Jimmy fucked him up badly but ion feel bad for him whatsoever should’ve mind his business 🤷🏽‍♀️

Jadebae🌪️: that’s sooo true bro

Gigi🤍: imma text you later bestie and tell Cody I said to calm down nigga acting like I’m dying or sum 😭😭

Jadebae🌪️: kk bestie love youuu ❤️

Genesis opens Jimmy's message, curious about his intentions. He’s likely just reaching out to check on her, especially after the chaos that ensued the last time he left her alone during their visit to his mother.

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: You good mamas?

Gigi🤍: I’m okay Bo

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: I just had to make sure

Gigi🤍: how’s your workout routine going today? I’ve seen you and brother bonding

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: it’s going good and yeah your brother is cool

Gigi🤍: that’s good now I got two crazy people who can protect me 😭😭

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: damn right mamas also imma be home late tonight me and Cari got some things to do

He’s going to be home late? What was he up to?

‘Don’t ask Questions’

Gigi🤍: okay Bo just be safe I’ll probably be sleeping by the time you get home

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: might need you up just in case I just to get some pent up anger out of me 🙂‍↕️

Gigi🤍: UN-UN, THIS COOKIE JAR IS CLOSED SIR

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: Ik mamas ik I’m talking about using them pretty ass lips you got to work baby

Gigi🤍: I can do that for you Bo 🥴

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: Ik need to slurp my shit up mamas

Gigi🤍: I’ll blow bubbles on it for you

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: you making me mess up my sets texting me like this mamas

She chuckled at his message

Gigi🤍: I’m sorry daddy you can continue on with your sets I’ll see you later I love you 🫶🏽

Jimmy❤️‍🩹: I love you more baby ❤️

She dismissed the message and returned to her TikTok videos, yet a nagging curiosity lingered: why was he coming home so late? He never acted this way unless there was something significant he needed to address.

She attempted to dismiss the nagging sensation, refusing to let her spiraling thoughts dominate her as she munched on her snacks and relaxed at home.

After completing their workouts side by side, Jimmy and Jacari were ready to follow through on the plan they had discussed the previous night. Jimmy revealed a screenshot from Genesis's phone, which displayed a menacing message from Darrius, essentially threatening to shoot Jimmy in the head.

Jimmy arranged for Jey to fly in and assist with the scheme, as he intended to be the one to put a bullet in Darrius's head first, unafraid and undeterred by him.

He realized he was just a reckless fool with a gun, and that he needed to be dealt with appropriately as Jacari steered them down the road to the modest apartment complex where Darrius lived. They ensured they were fully prepared.

Glocks Cleaning Equipment Knifes Gloves

All their belongings were packed tightly in the bags they had lugged around all day, particularly at the gym, where they had stashed extra clothes for the inevitable mess, knowing it would take time to clean up the blood and deal with the body.

As they arrived at the apartment complex, they quickly grabbed their bags, tucked their Glocks into their shorts, and adjusted their shirts to conceal them before closing the door. Jimmy and his companions ascended the steps, passing by homeless individuals and children playing in the vicinity of Darrius's residence.

They veered left as they made their way to his apartment on the upper floor, gathering in front of his door.

“Just a heads up his homeboys are here too so be careful.” Jacari cautioned him while Jimmy vigorously pounded on the door, nodding his head in agreement.

As they stood there, the sound of music wafted through the air, mingling with the unmistakable scent of weed. Without a moment's pause, they awaited Darrius to swing the door open. When he finally did, he was greeted by the sight of Jimmy, Jacari, and Jey, all grinning widely at him.

“The fuck yall bitch ass niggas doing here at my crib?” Darrius questioned them.

Without uttering a word, they fixed their gaze on him as if he were mere prey, prompting a scoff from him as he doubted they were truly that menacing. Just as he was about to close the door, Jimmy burst in, kicking it wide open and sending Darrius tumbling to the floor of his living room.

With a fierce grip around his throat, Jimmy yanked him by the hem of his shirt, slamming him against the wall with a resounding thud, his hold unyielding and brutal.

In the meantime, Jacari and Jey were engaged in a fierce brawl with his friends in the back, forcefully slamming them onto the glass table and causing chaos throughout the house, while Jimmy took on Darrius.

“So you wanna put a bullet to my head huh?” With a deep, rumbling growl, Jimmy's voice resonated as he delivered a powerful right hook to Darrius's face.

Darrius scoffed at him, “I guess you seen what I text yo’ bitch and yeah I do wanna put a bullet to yo’ fucking head.” He believed this was just a game, but it was far from it; Jimmy was determined to take this fool's life and claim his first kill. Darrius had no idea how unhinged Jimmy truly was, and he was about to find out.

With a swift shove, he sent Jimmy sprawling away, landing a hard blow to his stomach followed by a punch to the face that sent Jimmy reeling. He seemed to be gaining the advantage, but it was short-lived. As Darrius lunged for another strike, Jimmy seized his arm, twisting it painfully while simultaneously grabbing his head and forcefully slamming him onto the glass table, shattering it into a cascade of sharp shards that littered the floor.

“Fuck! I got glass in my fucking eye you bitch!” Darrius hollered.

Jimmy was unfazed by the sight of blood streaming from Darrius's face; he seized him once more and forcefully smashed his head against the wall. Darrius crumpled to the floor, and without a moment's pause, Jimmy mounted him and unleashed a flurry of punches directly to his face.

The initial blow and the follow-up strike landed with force as Darrius attempted to shield his face, but the glass embedded in his left eye hindered him significantly, causing him great distress.

Jimmy unleashed a relentless barrage of punches, his fists crashing into the man with the ferocity of a tempest, each strike more savage than the one before. Blood splattered onto the pavement.

Just as Darrius spotted a small knife beside him, he lunged at Jimmy, plunging it into the side of his neck. Jimmy let out a sharp hiss from the pain, but it barely fazed him as Darrius shoved him away and reached for the Glock tucked into his shorts.

With determination, Jimmy rose to his feet, carefully extracting the knife from his left side. He tossed it aside and sprinted towards Darrius, who had a gun aimed directly at him.

This caused him to halt abruptly, drawing his Glock and aiming it squarely at Darrius as they engaged in a tense stare down.

“You think yo’ bitch ass is tough huh?” Darrius remarked.

“When it comes to Gigi, ion play that shit.” Jimmy said.

“I cannot wait to put a bullet in your head and then send a picture to yo’ girl saying my fault.” Jimmy was irritated by his arrogant demeanor, prompting him to pull the trigger of his Glock, which he aimed at him with a smirk on his face. “You wanna keep that up?”

“What? Me talking shit? Absolutely because you is a bitch nigga.” Jimmy gave a nod, switching his gun to safety before tucking it back into his shorts, all the while cracking his knuckles and stretching his neck.

Darrius sensed the inevitable outcome; he was poised to pull the trigger, ready to end a life with a single shot. Just as he was about to fire, Jimmy lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. In that split second, a bullet found its mark, piercing through one of his friends, splattering blood against the wall behind them.

Jimmy unleashed a brutal assault, ignoring the crimson stains on the wooden floor as he slammed Darrius' head against it. When Darrius finally rose, Jimmy delivered a vicious kick to his stomach, forcing blood to erupt from his mouth and splatter onto the ground.

He seized the hem of his shirt, which was barely holding on, and yanked him up like a lifeless doll, slamming him down onto the wooden table that shattered into splinters upon impact.

“Talk all that shit now pretty boy.” With a fierce hiss, Jimmy lunged onto Darrius, delivering a bone-crunching punch that echoed through the air.

He delivered a sharp kick to his ribs and followed it up with a forceful stomp on his spine, pinning him to the ground. “Fuck you bitch!”

“Still runnin’ that fucking mouth huh? Don’t worry, I'll fix that.” A wicked grin spread across Jimmy's face as he seized Darrius by the throat, mercilessly smashing his head against the wall again and again until blood flowed freely.

After that, he would throw him into the souvenir cabinet, splintering it into pieces and sending Darrius tumbling to the ground. Jimmy, breathing heavily, observed as his chest rose and fell, absorbing the disorder of the living room while casting a glance towards the kitchen.

He averted his gaze from the sight of Darrius's fallen friend sprawled on the ground, shifting his focus to Jacari and Jey, who had just taken the life of another companion—only Darrius remained, trembling and gasping for breath.

Jimmy drew his Glock from his waistband, aiming it directly at Darrius.

“Ready to die bitch?”

Darrius remained silent, only spitting in Jimmy's face as his thumb rested on the trigger, and then the gun fired with a piercing finality. The echo of the shot hung in the air as Darrius collapsed, motionless on the wooden floor. Jimmy methodically cleaned the blood from his hands, his eyes lingering on the lifeless body for a brief moment before he averted his gaze.

As Jimmy passed by Jacari and Jey, Darrius' blood pooled on the wooden floor, a grim reminder of the bloody massacre that had unfolded in this apartment complex.

“Let’s clean all this shit up before folks start to suspect something happened.” Jimmy said.

—

Atlanta, Georgia Porter’s residence - 4:30PM

Genesis was outside, planting vibrant flowers alongside her mother, cherishing their time together. Meanwhile, Jimmy was out with his older brother, and a wave of worry washed over her as she hoped nothing unfortunate had befallen him during his absence.

While she was busy planting flowers in the garden, her mother's voice broke through, asking her something about Jimmy, prompting her to shift her focus towards her mother.

“Gigi dear.” Mrs Porter called for her.

“Hm?” Genesis responded.

“Where did you and Jonathan meet?” The most common inquiry parents make when their child has a partner by their side.

With a warm smile directed at her mother, she continued, "When I first joined the company, my best friend Cody introduced me to the twins. They were incredibly sweet and kind, particularly Jimmy, who took the time to show me around and introduce me to others."

“So you both work at the same company and travel together?” Genesis gave a nod before starting to excavate another hole for the remaining flowers.

From the moment her mother married Quincy, she sensed he was not the right match for her. He would put on a facade in front of everyone, including her and her husband, but once Genesis was out of earshot, the arguments would begin, revealing the truth behind his charming exterior.

Quincy was a no-show at family gatherings, cookouts, and holidays, leaving Genesis to wear a forced smile and concoct excuses for his absence.

She discovered that her daughter was expecting his child, and it shattered her heart to realize that he didn't genuinely appreciate her daughter. Determined for Genesis to break free from him, she felt even more anguish after Genesis's heartbreaking miscarriage of her first child. She would visit her daughter, offering comfort and urging her to leave him without delay.

Those memories left a profound impact, etching deep scars on her mother's heart.

This was the first moment in ages that she witnessed her daughter radiate happiness with someone who truly cherishes and loves her for who she is.

And that made her happy.

“Do ya’ll talk about having kids or getting married? Would you wanna do that again dear?”

“Yeah, it would come up every once in a while whenever we have deep conversations late at night whenever we can’t sleep.”

“How many kids do he want?”

She whined, “mamaaaa.”

Her mother threw her hands up in defense before speaking, “what? I’m just asking the right questions my dearest that’s all.”

“I know, but you know how sensitive that topic is for me.”

Discussing the topic of having children was particularly delicate for Genesis, as she had gone through a miscarriage while navigating her relationship with Quincy, making her reluctant to address it.

“I’m sorry my dearest.” Mrs Porter apologized.

“It’s fine mother.” With a subtle smile gracing her lips, Genesis gently placed the seeds into the hole she had just excavated moments before.

She carefully covered the hole with soil, gently patting it down with her hands before giving it a drink of water—afterward, she cleaned her hands.

Assuming Jimmy was still at the gym since she hadn't heard from him, she removed her gloves and reached for her phone to check in on him. After sending a quick message to ensure he was alright, she slipped her gloves back on and resumed picking strawberries from the vine.

She tossed them into a pristine bowl that her mother had gifted her, intending to wash them once she finished gathering.

Her mother begins to say. “I’m proud of you dearest.”

“Thank you mama.” She responds softly.

“Jonathan has you glowing it’s been a while since I’ve seen that glow Gigi.”

Genesis couldn't help but smile, aware that her coworkers and closest friends had been remarking on her radiant glow lately, all thanks to Jimmy.

He spoils her Pampers her with his love Dick her down good And say all of the right things He loved her And he would kill for her and clean up his mess afterwards.

‘Was it bad to say that she liked him being dangerous? To defend her honor?’

She was addicted to him She was attached to him too

“Everyone has been saying that mama.”

“Well as your mother I am telling you that as well, Jonathan is a good man—a great man at that, you know the ones your stepfather told you about that you will find?”

“Mhm I remember, I didn’t forget papas saying on how a man should be treating me.” They both chuckled with each other.

“Does his people like you?” Mrs Porter asked.

“Yes, his family are so loving and welcomed me with open arms when they first met me.” Genesis said.

“That’s good to hear I’m glad you have a second family that loves you like we do unlike Quincy family who was trippin, oh girl.”

Genesis sighed in exasperation, recalling how his family had judged her harshly, labeling her a gold digger despite her successful career. In reality, he was the one siphoning off her hard-earned money while pretending to be supportive.

On top of that, he was betraying her trust in secret, while his family was fully aware yet chose to remain silent, leaving her to wallow in her own misguided beliefs.

“Don’t remind me mama, his family was so ridiculous I’m so glad I divorced his ass.”

“Me too my dearest, me too.”

—

Darrius Apartment Complex - 12:00PM

In the meantime, the crew was wrapping up their work at the apartment complex, having successfully disposed of the bodies in a river several miles away. They meticulously cleared away all the shattered remnants scattered across the floor and scrubbed away every trace of blood.

Wearing gloves to avoid leaving fingerprints, they discarded the remaining items from the blood-stained house.

As Jimmy pulled his phone from his pocket, he felt it buzz in his hand. Glancing at the screen, he noticed a message from Genesis, and he realized she must be anxious about his absence throughout the day.

Gigi🤍: Hey Bo I was seeing if you okay haven’t heard from you all day hope you’re okay love you ❤️

His heart swelled with warmth at the thought of her caring for him. As he surveyed the tidy house, a result of his long day of cleaning, he glanced at the clock and realized he would be home later than expected. He noticed Jey and Jacari diligently taking out the trash and organizing their bags.

Thank goodness he had showered and tossed his bloodstained clothes into the trash to incinerate them, preventing any foul odors from lingering in his gym bag. As everyone discarded their gloves and masks, Jey ignited the scene by clicking the lighter and dousing the trash cans with gasoline before setting it all ablaze.

“Fuck, I wasn’t expecting to be doing this all night.” Jey said.

“Yeah me neither but we had to clean up the evidence so we wouldn’t get caught up in some shit with the police.” Jimmy responded as Jey nodded his head.

Jimmy let out a big yawn, cracking his knuckles and stretching his neck as he reached for his duffle bag, mirroring the actions of everyone around him.

“Did Gigi text you? She’s probably worried about you” Jacari asked.

Jimmy nodded his head, “yeah she did, I just texted her telling her I’m on the way home she’s probably gonna be pissed.”

His twin brother chuckled at him while shaking his head, “hell yeah she is look at you, you busted up again and then you got a stab wound on your left rib of course she’s gonna be pissed uce.”

With a cheeky grin, Jimmy flashed his brother the middle finger, prompting Jacari to laugh at their silliness as he playfully jangled his keys on his fingers, signaling for them to move along as they all trailed out the door.

Jacari held a blunt, requesting Jey to spark it up for him. Jey obliged, and after taking a few puffs, Jacari handed it over to Jey and Jimmy.

After a grueling day of cleaning and disposing of bodies, they craved this moment. Jimmy exhaled a cloud of smoke into the air, letting the weed wash over him, prompting a deep sigh before he handed it back to Jacari in their shared rotation.

“This some good shit Cari.”

“Yeah, my weed man has the best weed on the block. I should give you his phone number. Hit him up sometime he can do deliveries too while you're on the road.”

“That would be great for sure.”

“A’ight I’ll let him know, he needs new clients anyways.” They kept sharing the joint, exhaling clouds of smoke into the night as they gazed at the stars twinkling in harmony, savoring the gentle breeze before departing from the apartment complex.

Jacari returned Jimmy to his family's home before heading to the hotel where Jey was staying. As Jimmy unlocked the door with the spare key that Genesis's mother had given him earlier that day, he noticed the kitchen light was still on.

He carefully wiped his shoes on the mat before stepping into the house. It was then that he noticed her father dozing on the couch as he gently closed the door, making his way upstairs to the bedroom where he and Genesis were currently staying.

As he reached the door, he pressed his ear against it, expecting silence and thinking she was asleep. However, when he opened the door, he found her immersed in music, her headphones snugly in place.

Completely absorbed in her phone, she failed to notice him as she tapped her feet to the loud music blaring through her headphones. He strolled by, casually tossing his duffle bag beside the dresser while shedding his shirt and shoes.

Genesis's gaze fell upon the stab wound on his left rib, prompting her to set her headphones aside and focus on him. She was aware he had been in trouble, but she chose not to press him about it as she rose from the bed and moved towards her purse to gather what she needed.

He observed her every action, from rising from the bed to rummaging through her purse. He presumed she was angry with him for getting into trouble, as usual, but this time the atmosphere felt distinctly different from previous instances of his missteps.

She took his hand and led him to the bed, gently guiding him to sit down. As she cradled his chin with her delicate fingers, she noticed his split lip once more, but her main worry was the stab wound on his left rib.

Genesis picked up a needle and thread, along with peroxide, cotton balls, and a bandage wrap. She soaked a cotton ball in peroxide and started to clean his wound, making him wince at the sting of the stubble as he looked down at her.

Jimmy gazed at her profile, his lips moist with anticipation, as he observed her meticulously wiping away the dried blood from his wound.

After tending to his injury, she deftly threaded the needle, carefully inserting it into the small opening and tying a knot as she skillfully stitched Jimmy back together.

Her attention was entirely on ensuring his well-being, completely oblivious to the way he gazed at her with those alluring eyes, igniting a fire within her that left her damp and yearning.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Genesis said.

“Like what? I’m just looking at you baby.” Jimmy gently cupped her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his in the midst of their conversation.

He gently brushed his thumb across her cheek and then her lips, allowing her to carry on with her task, a sly grin spreading across his face as he reveled in the mischievous impact he had on her.

After carefully stitching him up, she secured the bandage around his waist before rising from her knees. She then moved towards her purse, methodically placing everything back inside and zipping it closed.

Genesis turned to find Jimmy before her, his height casting a shadow as she gazed up at him, while he looked down with a curious expression.

He took in her entire ensemble, his lips moistening in the soft glow of the bedroom light—his hands gripped her hips, gently kneading as she encircled his neck with her arms, gazing intently into his deep chocolate brown eyes.

“You mad at me baby?” His voice was deep and raspy.

She shook her head before speaking, “No, I’m not mad at you Bo. I just wanted you home.”

What truly mattered to her was his presence at home. She was indifferent to his activities, as long as he returned to her. With a firm grip around her throat, Jimmy pressed his lips against hers, and they lost themselves in a fervent kiss.

Their teeth collided while their tongues danced together in a passionate embrace, filled with moans and groans, as Genesis playfully tugged at the chain hanging around his neck.

And his hands were cupping both of her ass cheeks He pressed his rigid arousal against her thigh, making her acutely aware of the effect she had on him.

“Look at what you’ve done to me mama, you feel that shit? This is all you baby.” Jimmy murmured between her lips.

Her hand slid down, grasping him with a gentle caress that made him flinch at her unexpected touch. They paused for a moment, then dove back into the kiss, their warm saliva mingling as Jimmy started to step backward toward the bed.

He gently pulled at her shirt, assisting her in removing it over her head, along with her booty shorts, leaving her clad only in her panties as the back of his leg brushed against the edge of the bed.

With a tender tug, he helped her lift her shirt over her head, followed by her snug booty shorts, leaving her in just her panties as the back of his leg grazed the bed's edge.

He gently shifted her panties aside, his fingers gliding over her slick folds as she tangled her fingers in his curls. When he slipped two fingers inside her, a gasp escaped her lips, mingling with their kiss.

She tilted her head back, her eyes fluttering as his fingers plunged in and out, skillfully teasing her g-spot again and again. When he finally withdrew, a soft whimper escaped her lips, a sound of longing for the sensation he had just taken away.

He withdrew from the kiss, his eyes locked on hers as he savored her sweetness lingering on his fingers.

“C’mere.” He grasped her ankles, drawing her legs close to her hips as he teased his arousal against her glistening softness, his gaze locked onto hers. Genesis shivered as he pressed his enticing tip against her, causing her to flinch in response.

She inhaled sharply, gripping him tightly as he entered her halfway, then began to deliver his slow, deep thrusts.

Midway through, her legs began to tremble uncontrollably as he showered her with soft kisses across her body, trying to distract her from the intense sensations coursing through her.

“actin’ like you ain’t take this dick before baby, open them legs more fo’ me princess.” Jimmy grunted.

She complied by spreading her legs wider, allowing him to explore various angles while being inside her. Jimmy playfully swirled his tongue around her nipples, sucking gently before pulling away with a satisfying 'pop' sound from his lips.

He seized her tightly by the throat, thrusting his hips forward as he locked his gaze onto her. "There you go mama, give it to me baby," He cooed.

“O-ohh, fuck. Jimmy.” She fumbled over her words, her eyes tightly shut.

He increased his pace slightly, allowing him to make love to her gently, even if it felt nonsensical. Her breaths turned uneven in response.

“Look at me baby, lemme see yo’ pretty eyes baby.” Genesis followed his instructions, her eyes wide open as she looked up at him, captivated by his actions.

She whispered his name gently, her lips curling inward as her hands explored every inch of his body. A deep desire surged within her, urging him to taste her and bring her to the brink of ecstasy, longing to release herself completely over him.

With one hand still tightly clutching her throat, he seized one of her legs and thrust forcefully, driving himself deeper into her slick core.

“Fuckkk, J-Jimmy.” She whined while seeing a smirk appear on his lips.

“What baby? What?” He taunted her as she tried pushing him on his stomach.

She attempted to shove him back by his abdomen, but the intensity was overwhelming as he began to thrust deep within her soft depths.

“Move yo’ fucking hand and take this dick.” His voice rumbled with a deep growl as he thrust into her, leaning in for a passionate, messy kiss.

His tongue danced within her mouth while her nails clawed at his back, and the only sounds that filled the air were the soft moans and the rhythmic slaps of their bodies colliding amidst their passionate kisses.

As the air grew heavy with the scent of desire and a refreshing breeze wafted from the air conditioning, he found the pain bearable, having endured far worse that night with whatever he had experienced.

“This my fucking pussy baby?” Jimmy grumbled under his breath, receiving a soft hum from her in response, but it wasn't the reply he sought, prompting him to give her a playful slap on the thigh.

He wanted Genesis to say it, he wanted it to come out from her lips saying that it was his.

“Y-yes Bo, it’s yours.” Genesis muttered softly.

“Huh? I didn’t hear you baby?” Jimmy thrust deeper into her, captivated by the sight of her eyes rolling back in ecstasy.

She felt herself unraveling under his touch, as if his caresses were driving her to the brink of madness. “It’s yours Bo, it’s all yours.” It seemed as though he was deeply embedded within her, causing her thoughts to blur and fade away.

“Come ride this shit.” At that moment, he withdrew, leaving her perched on his lap. Genesis lifted herself and positioned him at her entrance again, then slowly descended onto him. The sensation of fullness was unlike anything she had ever experienced before.

He gazed at her, his lower lip tucked in, as Genesis rhythmically moved up and down on him, gripping his shoulders for balance. His hands firmly held her hips in place.

“Shit, Gigi.” Jimmy lets out a low groan, captivated as she gradually takes him in, savoring every moment. “Keep bouncing on this shit, make daddy nut.”

His praises will consume her; hearing him speak to her in that manner, whispering his name as he fills her completely, is an intoxicating obsession.

He was her addiction.

Genesis was becoming accustomed to his stature, and his name rolled off her tongue with such ease that she found herself lost in the moment. Jimmy's hands roamed my body; being with her felt intoxicating, as if he would lose his mind without her presence.

She sensed his hands firmly clutching her backside, delivering a playful slap while he let out a satisfied groan.

“Taking me so well baby.” He whispers, his voice gravelly and profound, nearly lulling her into a trance. "I run this shit mama? Tell me who runs this shit."

She kept rhythmically bouncing on him, her hips swirling in a slow, deliberate motion as if inscribing her name on him. He let out a low curse, his head falling back against the couch in surrender. Leaning closer, she whispered into his ear, "Mhm..." she continued on “you run this shit daddy only you.”

With his hands firmly clutching her hips, he expertly led her through a rhythm that ignited her deepest desires, while a primal growl emanated from his chest, charged with intensity. Each movement of her hips only intensified his longing for her.

The atmosphere around them had become dense with nothing but heat and desire, as each kiss and moan they shared flowed directly from their lips.

He grunts, “c’mon mamas.” breaking the kiss to signify that she belongs to him and him alone. “Continue to bounce on this dick for me baby, such a good girl for me.”

As he marked her skin like a vampire, she let out a hiss of pain. Genesis felt a tightening in her abdomen, and he picked up on it, teasing her clit with his thumb as she swayed her hips.

“Make a mess on me princess.” he whispers softly, urging. "Wet my dick my up Gigi.”

His support and the way he skillfully worked his thumb on her clit felt almost magical, as if she were living in a fairy tale, leaving her utterly unable to maintain her composure.

“Fuck Bo! It’s coming ohhh fuck it’s coming!”

The head of his member was consistently and effortlessly stimulating her g-spot, making her body tremble and her nails dig into his shoulders, prompting her to cry out in ecstasy—shouting his name.

Her moist, soft interior enveloped him tightly as he let out a groan, "Yes mama, my little princess," pounding up into her. "Look at you making a mess all over this dick.”

Her body trembled from the powerful climax she had just experienced, leaving her feeling incredibly sensitive. His grip on her hips grew firmer as he thrust into her recklessly, desperately seeking his release, which caused her to sob uncontrollably.

"Un-Un, don't do that shit, take it," He snarls with clenched teeth, gripping her hips tightly as he thrusts into her sensitive core, savoring the sound of her muffled cries. "Imma paint all over yo' pretty ass face, you think you deserve daddy's nut baby?"

“Y-yes daddy, give me all your kids daddy.” She whimpered softly, nestling her head against his neck while she pressed against him, every nerve in her body tingling with overwhelming sensations. "I want it daddy, I want it."

As he withdrew from her, he drew her face nearer to him, releasing a deep, primal groan while he began to pleasure himself, letting his warm, thick essence spill onto her face, her tongue eagerly tasting the mix of sweetness and bitterness of his release.

He mutters, "Fuck," as he watches the last of his nut trickle out of his tip, his tattered chest heaving up and down.

With a warm smile, she watched him rise from the bed, stretching his limbs before he sauntered off to grab a cloth to gently wipe her face.

Genesis felt a strange numbness in her legs as she heard his footsteps drawing near. He approached with a warm cloth in hand, gently wiping her face clean.

“You okay Gigi?” He asked.

Genesis stifled a yawn, her eyes still heavy as she began to reply. “nigga you tired me out tonight and now I’m more sore than ever.” She said as he chuckled at her.

“Well I guess the cookie jar was open after you told me earlier that it was closed baby.” He snatched the rag from her grasp and tossed it into the pile of dirty laundry beside the dresser.

He nestled between her legs, resting his head on her stomach as they both found comfort in the bed together. Her fingers gently massaged his curls, prompting a deep sigh from him, a reminder of how much he had longed for this moment.

As his lips pressed against her stomach, a wave of pleasure coursed through her, causing her to shudder with delight, all while she tenderly massaged his scalp.

“You gonna lemme’ kiss on your tummy when you have my baby?” Jimmy asked, gazing up at her.

She glanced down at him with a smile on her face as she nodded her head, “ of course that way our baby could feel your love as much as I do.” Genesis said.

—

As Jimmy lay peacefully snoring on her stomach, she admired his handsome features, gently running her fingers through his curls. Suddenly, her phone vibrated, drawing her attention. She carefully reached for it, trying not to disturb the serene slumber of Jimmy resting on her.

Noticing it was Carmelo reaching out, she arched an eyebrow at the late-night messages flooding her Instagram, wondering what could possibly prompt him to text her at such an hour.

carmelohayes: Hey mamas you up?

She didn’t want to reply to him but her curiosity got the best of her so decided to text him back.

gigispovv: wtf you want boy?

carmelohayes: damn that’s how you text a nigga girl? Must be with yo’ nigga huh?

She rolled her eyes knowing where this was finna go within seconds.

gigispovv: yes I am actually if you keep texting me I won’t hesitate to show him these messages on IG so whatchu want?

carmelohayes: girl I’m tryna get know you

gigispovv: well I’m not so leave me tf alone Melo

carmelohayes: Jimmy’s dick can’t be that good Genesis

gigispovv: it is so pipe it down like deadass

carmelohayes: i can pipe down something alright

That’s when her eyes went wide open as Carmelo sent her a picture of his nine inch cock she wanted to throw up so bad looking at it.

carmelohayes: you like? I know it’s much more bigger than his

gigispovv: are you fucking insane? The fuck is wrong with you sending me this shit?

carmelohayes: cmon mama yk you like this shit

gigispovv: i fucking don’t actually, I like my niggas better

She sensed Jimmy stirring in his slumber, his head transitioning from her belly to her neck, burying his face against her skin while enveloping her in his powerful embrace—his snores resonating loudly.

carmelohayes: he don’t know what to do with all of that baby girl

gigispovv: actually he does see you pissing me off entirely Melo when he beats your ass bc your stupid ass don’t listen you gon’ stop messing with me

carmelohayes: he not gonna do shi to me baby girl stop playing with me and show me sum

gigispovv: [ sent attachment of a meme] nigga fuck you the only person who gets these things are my nigga so stop texting me

carmelohayes: you think you funny huh?

gigispovv: indeed so leave me tf alone bitch

carmelohayes: aight i gotchu when i see you at work

gigispovv: not if my nigga around me your ass is gonna be grass or 6ft underground im tryna warn you that my nigga is crazy so keep it tf cute 🤙🏽

To safeguard against any potential deletion, Genesis took the initiative to capture screenshots of the messages, ensuring she documented every detail from start to finish.

In the morning, she was absolutely determined to reveal everything to Jimmy, fully aware that he would be furious. However, she understood that it was crucial to inform him, as keeping it a secret would only make matters worse.

She set her phone aside and wrapped her arms around Jimmy's warm back, feeling him shiver at her icy touch, prompting him to mumble something softly.

“Baby, your hands is cold mama.” He mumbles softly.

“Oh, sorry Bo.” She gently murmurs, planting a tender kiss on his forehead while cocooning them in the warm blankets.

She embraces him once more, pulling his warm body close as they drift off to sleep, their heartbeats synchronizing and their breathing patterns harmonizing perfectly.

Embracing their scents.

gigispovv has posted on their story!

jonathanfatu replied to your story: you know you love that shi from me baby 🥴 and what happened mamas? 🤨

jadecargill replied to your story: who is we talking about in the second pic??

americannightmarecody replied to your story: who is we talking about here Gigi?

uceyjucey replied to your story: Melo? Again Gigi?

carmelohayes replied to your story: now you wanna diss mama? Cmon now

yaonlylivonce replied to your story: WHO WE DISSING GIGI???

jackieredmond replied to your story: OOOP???😭😭

biancabelairwwe replied to your story: IK WHO SHE DISSING HES SO DESPERATE BRO 😭😭

GUARDED

a/n: one body two more to go, melo better proceed with caution like seriously bc Jimmy is coming for him.

But I hope yall enjoy this chapter lmk in the comments below.

STAY UCEY.

chapter fifteen

previous chapter

#black fanfic writer #black oc #black writers #wwelove #wwe fanfiction #big jim #jimmy x black oc #jimmy uso smut #jimmy uso fanfic #jimmy uso fanfiction #jimmyuso #guarded🤍

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so-i-did-this-thing · 2 days ago

Note

I just want to say thank you for all the things you say on here. I also want to ask, if it’s okay, how did you handle transitioning when it came to the what ifs? I’ve found myself thinking I might be trans more and more- but every time I think I’m getting close to deciding what I want to do about it I keep hesitating and now I’m worried it’s too late. I’m almost 30- I know it’s possible to transition at any time. But I don’t know if it’s worth starting a process unless I’d be satisfied with the result, and I don’t know if I’d ever get the opportunity to present how I want to.

I really admire that you’ve found what works for you. You seem so confident and comfortable, your style is incredible, and I always look forward to the good night pictures of your cats. I sometimes think that I could be like that someday, but I keep talking myself out of making decisions because I’m so scared of the risks. How did you know when it was time to start transitioning? Did you have to push through doubt or did it just feel right?

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day.

Heya, Anon. Thank you for the kind words. <3

I'm not the best person to ask about transition doubt, as I've always had a very strong male identity ever since I can remember. Once I learned about HRT and top surgery at 18, I knew they were for me.

But where I can help is if it's family that is holding you back. This article is something I desperately wish was around when I was younger - I spent an extra 10 years in the closet to appease family and it nearly destroyed me. (I came out the first time at 20, and started HRT at 33. Top surgery not 'til 40 because I was poor.)

Remember, there's always ways to try out a new gender presentation. I used cosplay to get used to presenting male in public. Haircuts, clothes, and binding go a long way. And even things like HRT -- you can start on a smaller dose, stop, start again... you're really in a lot of control here as long as you are aware of the timeline of effects.

There will always be things about medical transition that you won't be satisfied about. It helps to cultivate gender envies that share physical traits with you. There will be surprises, bad and good. But a lot of imperfections feel less so simply with age. And there is a lot to love about having a trans body.

So your real criteria is -- "will I be happier overall?" For a lot of us, transition erases a lot of the background radiation in our lives that kept us from flourishing. I knew it was time to transition because my world had gone so very grey with depression - I had increasingly become unreliable and wasn't taking care of myself or my home very well. I wasn't exactly suicidal, but I absolutely wasn't living.

I transitioned when I was dead broke, and though it was a slog at times to pay for things, it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Transition removed a major source of trauma in my life so I could focus on fixing my other shit and become a better person. I still have depression, ADHD, and my autism sometimes gets in the way, but they're manageable in a way that was impossible prior to HRT. And yeah, I also get to enjoy days of euphoria, too. :)

There's risks to everything and transition is a lot of work, rewarding as it is. The risks range from embarrassment to violence, and the former is survivable and the latter can be mitigated with planning & vigilance.

I'd suggest simply planning for the long term while you try things out. Build your safety net with affirming friends, work on your job prospects, and simply be honest and kind to yourself. Remember that emotional vulnerability is not a weakness and that doubt can guide you on what to prepare for.

And even if you decide transition is not for you, the introspection and planning should put you in a better place for what seems to be an uncertain future for us all.

#trans stuff

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lunajay33 · 2 days ago

Text

Not as Planned Part.3

•🤍🧺⛓️‍💥🪽•

Summary: Kozik was your world and with a baby girl on the way everything was becoming clear, but you worried for his safety with the cartel, happy being both of your best friend he was always there to reassure you, but what will the future hold?

Pairing: Kozik x f!reader, Happy x f!reader

Included: Pregnancy, Character Death:(, Depression, Grief, Flashbacks, Fluff, 18+

Part.2

•Masterlist•

It’s been a week since I lost my world, I haven’t been able to leave my house staying curled up in the bed I use to share but now it’s cold

Mornings I would wake up to Kozik snoring and cuddle up to my back, his big hands holding my bump, talking to her every night before bed about how excited he was, the bed where we showed eachother our love for each other

Not a second has gone by that it’s not me reliving all our memories together, it’s killing me, I don’t even see a future anymore, everything is so bleak and wrong

“Y/N! IM BACK!” Happy screams out as he enters the house, I hear his heavy boots coming down the hall, stopping at the side of the bed

“You can’t staying in this bed forever”

“It’s…..it’s where so many memories are Hap” I sigh all my tears dried up even though I still feel hollow

“I can’t see you like this, how can I help girl?” He asks sitting behind me and rubbing my back and for a second it feels like how Kozik use to touch me and my breath hitch’s

“Can……can you hold me?” He was silent and his hand stopped, I know he’s not much for that kinda stuff

“Sorry I just…” I’m cut off by him shushing me as his body melds into mine from behind, his one arm under my head and the other across my hip, nervously I take his hand and place it over my bump and I feel her kick his hand

“Woah” he grunts behind me surprised

“I haven’t felt her all week not since….she always played around when Kozik would talk to her at night, she would’ve love him Happy” I let out a whimper just trying to breath I don’t know how to stop feeling like this

“She’ll know him, I’ll make sure”

“I’m not your problem anymore hap, you don’t have to stick around because I’m your buddies girl” I felt guilty for putting him through all my shit when he’s grieving too

“It ain’t pity girl, how about I take you to moms house, get you a different scenery might help” the roughness of his voice against my back soothed me

“Your mom won’t mind?” I ask my eye lids growing heavy

“You know she loves you, probably more than me”

“Guess I have that affect on Lowmans” I try to joke as I finally fall asleep without crying for the first time this week

“I guess so” happy says as he holds me tighter

•

Happy drives me up to his mothers house, when I told her I’d be back again I didn’t think it would just be the two of us, it was always our trio

Wearing one of Koziks reaper hoodies and a pair of leggings, Happy managed to pull my hair into a ponytail and helped pull on my uggs, he wanted me comfortable and honestly I didn’t even care what I looked like right now, knowing my face was pale and my eyes sunken and purple

“Come on girl, you know she’ll be waiting” happy said as he took my to go bag and took my hand leading me to the door where Mrs.Lowman is standing still with the brightest smile but when her eyes land on me her smile turns to a deep frown

“Oh mija what happened?” She asks so softly her hand coming up to brush along my cheek

“Let’s go inside mom” we all go inside and happy helps me sit down in the couch, he sits next to me as she sits in her big comfy chair

“Is the baby okay?” She asks ever so worried

“She still healthy” I sigh wrapping my arms around my bump

“Where’s my sweet boy Herman?” Her words cut through me like a knife but I feel Happys hand on my thigh and it’s like he grounds me

“No…..oh my sweet children I’m so sorry” I could hear how emotional she was

“Thought it would be better for her to be with someone for now, I don’t like her all alone all day until I’m with her at night”

“Of course chica, you know I love having you here, and this way I can see my dear son more, even if he’s a grump” I can’t help but let out a quick chuckle

•

The next morning Happy said his goodbyes and left back to charming leaving me and his mother, sitting at the little table in the kitchen she had eggs, toast, sausages and a herbal tea for me and a coffee for herself

“You didn’t have to do all this, I’m not that hungry anymore” I say nibbling in the toast

“Mija I know how you’re feeling, when I lost my husband it broke me, but I knew I had to do anything for my baby boy, Happy became my focus, and you need to eat to take care of not just you but also my future lil grandbaby” she smirks

“Kozik said you’d try to steal her” I smile

“But he loved you, said you helped him a lot when no one else would, gave him a place to feel safe”

She sighs as she takes a sip of her coffee

“That boy had his troubles, when happy brought him here I worried, he was deep into the drugs, didn’t want happy to lose another friends and then one day he started committing, started working harder, and then all of a sudden sweet y/n is all my boys can talk about, you had them wrapped around your finger mija, you’re a special one and so will you little girl”

Her words struck me, she was right though I needed to try harder to pull myself together for Lily, and live in the memories I have, knowing that he got clean because of me made me wanna try that much harder

“I guess I still have a piece of him with me”

“Yes you do, Happy told me last night that you’re his to protect now, mind clarifying before I get my hopes up” she poked jokingly at me

“He made a promise to Kozik, but I can see he feels a bit of my grief too, I just wish happy didn’t have all this club shit and we could just stay in a room till the grief leaves us”

“You’ll be okay again Mija, both of you will, just give it time but know he’s always with you”

•

Throughout the day she makes sure to keep me busy, saying if my hands are busy my mind is busy, we made cookies together, some calming gardening and then making quesadillas for supper, by the time we’re done and setting the table Happy arrives and I feel a sense of relief

I can’t help but walk up to him and wrap my arms around his neck, I can feel he’s stiff obviously shocked by my affection but he relaxes and his arms wrap around my waist

“I’m so glad you made it back”

“Told you I would girl” he says as we head to the table and start eating

“How was your day mijo?”

“Fine, club shit still” he grunts as he bites into his quesadilla

“You be careful” she says patting his arm

“Did my mother have you crazy?” Happy asks smirking

“No uts actually been really nice, she’s really been helping keeping my mind distracted”

“Good”

“If I could I’d keep her here as long as I could” she smiles making me feel completely welcomed

•

Getting ready for bed I rub some cherry scented moisturizer over my body especially my belly, I pull on a sleeve less shirt that was Koziks, it still smells like him, and a pair of comfy black pajama shorts, I crawl into the bed when a knock raps on the door

“Come in” happy walks in wearing a pair of black sweatpants that hang low on his hips showing his v line, and no shirt exposing me to all his tattoos and muscles, trying not to make it obvious I look back up to him and he’s smiling, a rare occurrence for me to see

“You doing okay girl?” He asks sitting at my feet

“Better”

“You gonna be alright tonight?”

“I guess, I’m sure your mother has some thoughts about you being in here with me, she’s gunning on us for some reason” I laugh wearing him chuckle

“She always wanted a daughter, plus it’s easy to like you”

“Well you were hesitant at first don’t forget that”

“Yeah well you were this new girl with my brother, had to make sure”

“And now?”

“Now what?”

“Am I still a scary threat?” I smile

“Horrifying, scariest woman I’ve ever met” he lays in the bed next to me with his arms resting behind his head

“Wow! And here I thought we were close” joking felt good

“How’s the lil girl?”

“She’s good she kicked a lot today, guess she likes when I don’t lay in bed all day”

“She’s gonna be beautiful, Kozik always said that to me”

“Really? I hope she looks like him, dirty blonde hair, his smile” he sighs, running his hand through my hair playing with it

“I’m sorry, I’ll never forgive myself for taking him from you both”

“Happy I told you it’s not your fault, your mom made me realize at least I still have a part of him with me”

“You do, now come here you need to sleep” he had me lay down on his arm wrapping his other around to rest in my back and I feel safe

“Thank you Happy”

•

A bundle of lilies in the hands of the man I’m falling for, standing at my door steps for our first date, still in his usual biker attire but I love it

“Wow you’re…..gorgeous!” He says like he’s seen an angel

“Thank you, you’re looking handsome as always” he scoffs as if I was delusional

“Are these for me?” I ask as he hands me the pink lilies

“You deserve something pretty” I smile leaning in to kiss him on the cheek

“What a charmer” I feel like I’m on cloud nine and something in my soul clicks like I’ve met the one

“Y/n?”

“Y/N WAKE UP!” My eyes shoot open and I’m back to reality and my haze of love disappears and I can’t help the tear that runs down my cheek, feeling Happy wipe it away

“You okay girl?”

“Just a dream….a memory”

“Kozik?” He asks as he helps me sit up in bed

“Yeah….was our first date, he was so nervous”

“I remember we made fun of him, not understanding because he was never like that with a girl before”

I rub my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay but it’s like a damn is going to burst

“How do I do this without him happy? He’s all I can think about”

“Do you wanna go home?” I huff frustrated getting up and changing into Koziks hoodie and sweatpants not even caring he was there to see

“You don’t get it Hap, there is no home” he gets up clearly catching onto my frustration

“What’re you talking about”

“There’s no home without Kozik, he was my home, any where he was I was safe and loved, he’s gone Happy, he’s gone and the only time I feel a semblance of peace is when you walk through the door and I know you’re safe or you hold me and and I feel like my world isn’t falling apart” I’m out of breath and then I feel a sharp pain shoot through my back and wrap around to my stomach, I scream falling into him

“Woah what’s happening?” He panics as he sits me in the bed

“I don’t know…..I….somethings wrong” I feel light head and something is severely wrong, he hustles to pull on a shirt and his kutte, quickly taking me out to the car and to the hospital, the pain in severe and all I can think about is how u wang Kozik here too

“It’ll be okay” Happy tries to reassure

It’s a blur as the doctors take me away, hooking me up to monitors, taking blood tests, when I come back down to reality I see a nurse next to me

“What happened? Where’s Happy?”

“You’ve been in high stress and it’s caused some complications, you were very close to a miscarriage, we will talk about help after but for now you need to rest, I’ll go get your husband” she smiles as she leaves, before I can correct her she’s already gone and happy comes in coming straight to the bed, brushing my hair back off my forehead

“You’re killing me girl”

“I almost lost her Happy”

He freezes

“What?”

“The stress it’s too much, I can’t lose her too”

“We’ll figure this out, just sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up Angel”

•

Part.4

Taglist: @mamawiggers1980 @samcrosfaith @word-scribbless @tommyflanaganfan-blog @youngadult9016

#happy lowman x pregnant reader #happy lowman x you #happy lowman x reader smut #soa happy x reader #happy lowman x reader #happy x reader #happy lowman smut #happy lowman #soa happy #happy soa #herman kozik x pregnant reader #herman kozik x reader #herman kozik #Herman Kozik fluff #Herman Kozik angst #Herman Kozik imagine #sons of anarchy oneshots #sons of anarchy imagine

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mariaofdoranelle · 2 days ago

Text

Look at Us Now - ch. 29

Fic masterlist

Guys it's 3am five hours past my bedtime I'll do the header tomorrow lol

HAPPY FAKE BIRTHDAY @sirius-blacks-official-girl who 100% came up with a fake one to milk this chapter out of me.

JOKING love you Flora this chapter was so overdue I'm actually a little embarassed. But I DID write most of it on my notes app in ubers and in between classes because my studies are killing me so..

Warnings: mentions of inflation

Words: 7k

“The kids did say you have a bug up your ass today,” Fenrys said from his doorstep, somewhere between frowning and laughing at Rowan’s frazzled look.

Perhaps he did. He did snap at the recruits more often today, and it was naive of him to think people wouldn’t notice or comment. Thankfully they had a gap in their schedule this month, hence why he and Fenrys were at Rowan’s and Aelin’s place mid-afternoon on a work day.

Rowan was well aware that soon Maisie and Fleetfoot would arrive like a tornado—one from preschool and the other from daycare—and Aelin… he didn’t even know. What he did know is that she’ll be more willing to talk about whatever she’s going through if Rowan isn’t looking like a truck just ran over him—his current state.

His friend eyed him warily and stepped in. As annoying as Fenrys could be when he assumed his life-of-the-party persona, it didn’t get on Rowan’s nerves like when the man was being perceptive.

He didn’t feel like talking yet and, at that moment, it was hard to tell something more unsettling than when his lifelong friend scanned his soul with bottomless onyx eyes.

“How 's Aelin?”

Rowan didn’t answer. He didn’t know it himself.

Tired.

Those are the only five letters he gets to hear after asking her the same question.

His Fireheart seemed so tired these days, it was hard to discard a depressive episode. He even asked her if she was pregnant when Lorcan joked about it last week, but she said it was unlikely, and Rowan was getting ahead of himself.

He wouldn’t dare hope. It was too soon, and Maisie was a handful already. As much as he wanted more children, they had more things to do before that—actually, just one specific thing that required something shiny to bribe her with.

If Aelin was pregnant, she’d tell him. She told him without any delay and in worse circumstances last time, so he knew she would. What unsettled him was her history of not telling him when she was struggling.

Isn’t this why they parted ways, after all?

Her being too closed off while he was too dumb to pull his head out of his ass and see her? Well, Aelin’s still clinically depressed, and Rowan’s still an idiot—they just have it more under control now.

Instead of explaining his inner turmoil, he said, “Your old room is hers now. You’re getting your shit out of there while I remodel it.”

This being the reason why Fenrys was summoned here in the first place. Rowan needed more room for Aelin, and his ex-roommate’s was five years too late to get the rest of his things.

Fenrys mock-flinched, his hand on his chest in a wounded gesture.

Rowan hardened his expression to get the message across. He wasn’t kidding. For the past years, he’d been asking Fenrys to finish moving out and change his address everywhere that mattered—not only his delivery app.

“I live here with my daughter, and now I’m making room for my…” Girlfriend? The word didn’t feel like enough. “Life partner. I don’t have room for your birth certificate anymore, neither for those old, hideous pants you swear will be trendy again.”

Fenrys squinted at Rowan, common sense fighting the man’s stubbornness until he said, “Fair enough.”

His former roommate whistled when he saw Rowan’s work. “I don’t remember this room being quite this nice, Rowie.”

He shrugged. “That’s just me stress-building.”

Rowan has been not-so-secretly working on a room for Aelin ever since she started showing signs of depression again. He’s keeping it locked so as to not spoil the surprise—she hasn’t commented on it, so neither did he.

It was the very least he could do. They’ve had the conversation where she asked him to take their relationship slow millions of times, and as much as Rowan respected her decision, he didn’t work hard enough to respect this boundary of hers, even if he did know that routine changes can trigger a depressive episode.

Moving in together after barely four months. Who does that?

Rowan used to feel like everything would be fixed if he managed to rekindle his romantic relationship with Aelin. It’s a bitter realization that they’re still the same flawed people that tore each other apart.

He was supposed to be working through and letting go of his guilt, but how could Rowan do that if his failings kept creeping back into the present like this?

But he had furniture to assemble, and that’s what he wanted to focus on for now—at least until he and Aelin could find some time to talk.

Fenrys’ whistle snapped him back into reality.

“A bookcase, huh?”

“Yep.”

His friend smirked. “Because she made you?”

“No, because she’ll like it, and now I’m making you help me with it.“

Fenrys cackled. “I was called to retrieve my things, now I’m helping with the room too?”

Rowan meant business when he texted his friend, but now he was glad Fenrys was here.

“How long will it take to empty half a closet into your car?” Rowan taunted with a raised brow.

A playful sigh while the man unlocked his phone. “I guess Dorian can walk Calvin and Klein alone.”

All of Rowan’s problems evaporated with Aelin’s cheek pressed against his shoulder blades, her arms wrapping his torso from behind while he mixed what was about to become some veggie-loaded chicken nuggets for dinner.

His girls weren’t good at eating their vegetables, but that just meant he needed to be creative at hiding them in the dishes—a practice he mastered a while ago, when Maisie was a toddler.

Aelin leaned on the kitchen island and looked over at where Maisie hung out with Fleetfoot, making a mess under the kitchen table because both parents were too tired to argue.

“Should we have that talk now?” She asked, dreading to leave their frail happy bubble.

“I think we’ve delayed it enough.”

Aelin nodded. “Should I start, or…?”

“Go ahead.”

She detangled herself from him and said to Maisie, “Honey, can you come here for a sec?”

“I can’t! I’m busy playing,” the little girl said without taking her attention off Fleetfoot.

“Maisie,” Rowan dragged out her name in a stern tone, his patience thin with everything going on these days. “Your mother gave you an order.”

His daughter’s spine straightened. Sensing they meant business, she crawled from under the table and approached them with her arms crossed, not quite looking them in the eye.

Rowan had no idea where Maisie learned that grumpiness from. Aelin kissed the top of her head to lighten the mood, a silent sign of appreciation for the reluctant compliance.

She asked, “How’s that teeth looking, hun?”

Maisie was about to lose her first baby tooth, and it’s been quite the event at their home. Aelin was weirdly excited about it, and he let her take the lead in this.

Rowan had barely gotten over her first baby tooth growing—his throat swelled every time he thought too hard about the fact that enough time had passed for her to lose it.

The little girl opened her mouth wide and aaahed obediently.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pull it out?” Aelin asked while gently wiggling the tooth to inspect it, her body vibrating with the need to yank that tooth off Maisie’s head.

The tooth was—quite literally—hanging by a thread, but Maisie didn’t want to pull it out yet. While parenting sometimes meant ordering, they did their best to honor her consent regarding her own body. Maisie didn’t have the authority to decide when she could brush her teeth, but she’d decide when to yank them off.

On the other hand, there was Aelin. A little butcher lived inside his Fireheart—one that cuts people open for a living—and she was itching to rip that tooth off. If Rowan had any to spare, he’d let her take it off just to see that special glimmer her eyes get when she’s thrilled.

At her mother’s suggestion, Maisie took a step back and frantically shook her head, eyes wide and mouth closed.

“Today at school Bree said she ripped it out too soon because she wanted the money, and it hurt a lot and she only got the money three—” Maisie held up three fingers as close to their faces as possible for emphasis. “days later because the tooth fairy got mad at her for it.”

Aelin’s lips thinned. Rowan couldn’t tell if Sellene was a genius, or if he wanted to throttle her for being behind the reason Maisie was scared to pull out her tooth.

He crouched to reach his daughter’s eye level and explained that her tooth was loose enough, so she wouldn’t be pulling it just for the money. “I’m sure the tooth fairy will understand. I used to yank out my own teeth when I was your age and she never delayed my pay.”

Aelin enthusiastically endorsed everything he said.

“The rules aren’t the same anymore, Daddy.” Maisie frowned, as serious as she could be. “You were a kid, like, at least a hundred years ago. The Tooth Fairy probably had to ride a dinosaur to your house.”

He blinked. Did his five-year-old just call him old? Aelin’s cackle in the background confirmed it.

Mid-thirties wasn’t that old, right?

Rowan went back to making dinner before it got too late, and the girls decided to help him to roll the mixture into a ball and flatten it into a nugget shape.

Aelin continued, “I can write her an email clarifying the situation, how does that sound?”

Maisie took a moment to think, rolling the soon-to-be nugget from hand to hand and nodded. “Can you ask her how much I’ll get? Because she’s not paying the same to my friends at school.”

“The amount she gives you depends on how well you take care of your teeth for her,” Aelin said with a pointed look, the implication about the fact that Maisie doesn’t like to brush her teeth hanging in the air. His Fireheart was a genius.

“How do you know this?” Maisie squinted her eyes at her mom.

“I’m a mom. I know things you don’t.” Aelin nonchalantly shaped the nugget, pretending she wasn’t aware she just posed herself as a mysterious source of wisdom in all things childhood folklore.

“Okay,” Maisie dragged out the word while giving her mom a skeptical look. “Do you know how much she’ll give me?”

“It slipped my mind.” Aelin asked Rowan, “Do you remember it?”

“Huh,” he mused while putting the nuggets into the air fryer. “I’m pretty sure it was $1.”

“$1!? But… but in-flay-shun!” Maisie exclaimed, carefully wording the next word as she struggled to pronounce it.

Inflation coming out the mouth of a 5-year-old. What the hell.

Aelin tried and failed to muffle her laugh into her hand, and Rowan’s eyes bugged out of his skull.

“How on earth do you know what that is?” he asked, wide-eyed.

“Uncle Fen said the Tooth Fairy would give me more money if I said this word,” the little girl said sheepishly.

Of course. Fenrys didn’t bother staying for dinner, but he made sure to bring trouble regardless.

“You wanna add inflation? Let’s calculate this like adults, then. I’m gonna need a piece of paper for this.”

Maisie ran to fulfill her dad’s request, her little body bouncing with excitement when she came back… with her pink dinosaur-themed magnetic doodle board.

That’d do, he supposed.

“Now, the last time I got a raise because of it—“ not that Maisie would know what inflation is and why it made her parents earn a raise, “I got a 9% adjustment, but I’ll add 10% to yours.”

Wide-eyed, Maisie squealed. “I’ll get $11?”

Under his dead body. Sellene laid a good foundation to stop Maisie and Bree from starting a self-mutilation business because of Tooth Fairy, but he didn’t trust his daughter enough to give her this much. When Maisie has money, she’s no better than Scrooge McDuck.

“No, for you it means more 10 cents. You’ll get $1,1.”

The little girl pouted. “Uncle Fen made it sound nicer.”

“Sorry, hun.” Rowan gave her a sympathetic look. “And you know what other thing adults have in their salaries?”

“What?” Maisie asked, sat on the edge of her stool, hands sprawled on the kitchen island with the hopes to cash in more money.

“Taxes.”

“You wouldn’t,” Aelin cut in, her tone low and disbelieving.

“She wants it the adult way.”

“Rowan Whitethorn, you are not taxing Maisie’s tooth money!”

“Would you listen to me before we—” a pause because his big mouth almost ruined Maisie’s childhood, “before we email Tooth Fairy with the final tooth cash decision.”

With a pinch to her nose, she relented, “Go on, then.”

He continued to Maisie, “I pay about 30% in taxes, but I’ll make yours 20% because your income is lower.”

The little girl frowned, sensing she wasn’t gonna like what was coming next—no tax-paying citizen did.

“And according to my calculations, your after-tax tooth income would be about… 88 cents.”

“WHAT?” Maisie shouted, grabbing the doodle board to see it for herself—not that she’d understand the rates and percentages, but it was indeed pretty infuriating stuff.

“So…” Rowan continued, “You can have the adult way with inflation, or you can take the $1 the Tooth Fairy is offering and let your parents take you out for ice cream when the tooth falls.” A brow raise. “What do you want?”

“The adult way sucks. This is why you have grey hair.”

“Maisie,” Aelin reproached, “that’s not nice.”

The timer beeped, telling him it was time to turn the nuggets in the air fryer. “Let’s go set the table, Mais,” Aelin said while he finished cooking.

The gentle rain outside chilled the mid-spring evening, something about the sound of the water falling against the large glass window adding a cozy factor to their dinner night.

They would’ve started eating sooner if Maisie hadn’t decided she’d only eat if her plate was the same color as Fleetfoot’s bowl, so it was another five to ten minutes until they found the girl’s lilac plate and the four of them were all set.

Which didn’t make much of a difference for Aelin, since she was practically pushing her food around.

Rowan tapped her foot with his under the table. “You good?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Not great.” A shrug. “Just a bit bloated. The nuggets are great, though.” Aelin said with a weak smile she put on to soothe his worries. His Fireheart knew him well, but he knew her just as well.

“I’m sorry, Mama. Maybe your tummy needs a nap.”

Rowan relaxed his shoulders, melting. Maisie was such a thoughtful little—

“Are you gonna eat all your nuggets?” she asked, eyeing her mother’s plate as if she could eat the whole table on her own.

Well, she can be exclusively a thoughtful little girl. Right now, she was a thoughtful little girl with ulterior motives.

Aelin’s lips twitched with suppressed laughter. “You do know there’s more in the tray, right?”

“I’m saving them for school tomorrow. Can I eat yours or not?”

Rowan frowned. “Maisie, there’s no need to ration food. We have a full fridge.”

“A full fridge of fruit! Not nuggets,” she said as Aelin gave her two from her plate. The little girl grinned, kicking her feet under the table before she chomped down—

Maisie froze mid-bite, green eyes nearly bulging out of her skull as she sent them a panicked look.

“What happened?”

She grabbed a napkin—thank the gods—and slowly spat the contents of her mouth on it.

“The nugget yanked my wiggly tooth.”

“That’s…” Rowan grabbed the napkin, smiling at the gross mixture of saliva and chewed food that nestled Maisie’s tiny tooth and its even smaller bloody root. “That’s disgusting, actually. Are you okay?”

She nodded, still looking shocked. “I thought it’d hurt more, but it was just a little pop and it was gone.”

“Good. That’s—“

He looked over at Aelin and saw her wipe off a tear. She cupped both hands and asked, “Can I see?”

Rowan handed over Maisie’s soggy napkin, and Aelin’s laugh trembled with emotion. “So gross.” She rounded the table and hugged her very confused kid, who was still sitting.

“I’m so proud of you, Maisy Daisy.”

“Mom, you’re being weird.” A pause. “Are you sad you didn’t yank it?”

“Nope, not sad at all.” Aelin wiped another tear off with her thumb and kissed her daughter’s forehead. “I’m just a little emotional today. Let me be.”

Aelin wasn’t a crier, but Rowan wasn’t either, and he did unexpectedly tear up on Maisie’s first day of school, leaving his estranged co-parent to awkwardly comfort him outside the classroom. When it came to parenting, he stopped judging a few tears a long time ago.

“Let’s get this ready for Tooth Fairy, shall we?”

Aelin opened an upper cabinet, then another box that was inside it, and retrieved delicate-looking pliers.

“Baby, I didn’t know you were still keeping surgery… things around the house.” He hinted at their old disagreement, not wanting to fight with her in front of Maisie.

Aelin has a rather unorthodox way to prepare food—one of the reasons why he took over kitchen duties. She might not know how to season and fry the food well, but that woman can cut and debone meat like a pro. Rowan still wasn’t comfortable about having tools designed to cut flesh and bone anywhere near their very mischievous five-year-old—no matter how well Aelin hid them.

The wave of uneasiness that haunted him today returned—the reminder of how good she is at keeping things hidden when she wants to.

“S’just a Kern Forceps, babe,” she replied with a grin, sprawling her hand over the kitchen island and stabbing it with the instrument, then made a point to show off her unharmed hand to him.

Fine, but this isn’t over, was the message he attempted to send by squinting his eyes at her.

Hours later, he completely forgot to bring it up.

Fleetfoot’s paws against the hall’s wooden floor made Rowan jump, hyper aware of any sounds that came from outside their suite bathroom, where Rowan and Aelin lurked inside, sat on the floor.

Rationally, he knew that the broom that leaned against the outer side of Maisie’s bedroom door—a noise trap—would alert them if she woke up. Still, every noise put him on high alert because of their current, deeply covert activity.

They’d just brushed the two coins with a mixture of detergent and vinegar and rinsed it, now it just needed a bit of polishing and a coat of transparent glitter nail polish to make it look like an authentic Tooth Fairy token.

“Do you think Tooth Fairy would use chunky glitter in her coins? Or you think she’s a subtle-sparkle kind of girl?’

He narrowed his eyes at Aelin. “Explain.”

She sighed with such tiredness as if what she’d said was obvious and painted a sample of each nail polish over a sheet of paper towel. “Our options are: transparent with tiny pink glitter or transparent with silver holographic flakes of glitter.”

“I see…” Rowan hummed thoughtfully, even though he did not see. “Let’s go with… pink.”

When it came to Maisie, pink was always a safe choice–and, as a girl dad, Rowan relied on safe choices.

“I don’t know… I’m just not feeling it with this tiny pink glitter.”

He wondered why she’d even asked. “Of course, I mean…” Rowan took back the sample as if squinting at it would give him any answers. “Well, technically the silvery one has the smaller grooves because the structure allows light to diffract and interfere better. Maybe you think this prismatic iridescence looks more fairytale-ish for the coin?”

Looking up, he faced a heavy-lidded Aelin. She licked her lips. “You know, it’s kinda hot when you remember you have a college degree.”

He grinned and gripped her chin. “I’ll save the dirty talk for later.” He wiggled his brows. “Maybe not.” A gentle, playful kiss. “Maybe you just can’t help yourself around my expertise in optical phys–”

“Alright!” She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck despite the rude interruption, the softness of her lips spurring his own into action. Four months, and it still struck him stupid every time Rowan took in the fact that he got to old Aelin like this, and the contradiction wasn’t lost in him–how he hadn’t gotten used to being with Aelin, yet she felt like home in such a way that made him feel like both their souls were intrinsically intertwined.

Rowan broke the kiss and bit her lower lip. In retaliation, she nipped the tip of his nose and left a feather-light kiss on his lips. Another. And another. Ever so playful, Aelin left a string of quick pecks that left him chuckling between them, but when she moved to kiss his cheek, he held her face and took hold of the situation.

“I love you.” He was the one to initiate the kiss this time. “I love you so much.”

“Love you.” She held his wrists that cradled her cheeks. “And there’s something I need to tell you.”

When he registered the serious tone in Aelin’s voice, that dark cloud that loomed in his afternoon crept back in.

Rowan’s shoulders slumped, dreading the conversation before them. “I know.”

She reared back. “You know?”

“It’s pretty obvious, don’t you think?”

“It wasn’t obvious to me.” A dark chuckle. “I guess I miss the signs every time, huh?”

Guilt clogged his throat like a rough rock. He looked away and busied his hands with the next task of polishing those two coins, but it didn’t stray his mind from the issue at hand. Aelin had a chronic condition and, as much as she tried to shield her family from it, it was his job to look after her—one he was failing terribly at, despite his efforts.

“Gods!” Aelin got up and left the bathroom, fanning the air in front of her while she ran towards the suite’s open window. Rowan went after her.

His hands were all over her, checking if she was alright. “What happened?”

“Sorry, baby.” She said between slow breaths, a hand on her stomach to steady herself. “I didn’t know that polish would smell so bad.”

“It’s okay. I can do it somewhere else. Or we can not do it. Why would Tooth Fairy’s coins look so shiny with all the traveling she does, anyway?” He kissed her forehead. “This is a symptom too?”

Aelin’s been struggling with nausea as a withdrawal symptom after switching from her previous antidepressant to a new one, and things were looking pretty bad. Maybe strong scents triggered it?

She nodded. “It is.”

Rowan took a deep, pained breath. “I can’t help but think that the reason behind all this is my fault.”

A snort. “It’s definitely your fault.”

He grimaced. “I’m so sorry, I…” Rowan crossed his arms and looked out the window while he said, “I made something to cheer you up. It won’t make that much of a difference in the big picture, but I hope you’ll… you know… cheer up.”

“Okay.” She ran a hand from his shoulder down his arm, until their fingers were intertwined. “Show me.”

He grabbed the key and led her out of the room into the one they shared a wall with, Fenrys’ old bedroom.

“You made a renovation? Is this why you kept this door locked?” Aelin said, suspicion coating her tone as she studied him with narrowed eyes.

“It’s not ready yet,” Rowan defended his work before she even saw it, anticipating a poor reaction.

“It’s too soon to even start thinking of a new room, Buzzard.”

She hadn’t even finished moving in, but doing it felt right. He said so to her.

“And before I even told you anything. You were really sure of your… potency, weren’t you?”

“It’s kind of my job to read the signs, isn’t it?” Rowan said as he opened the door and turned the lights on.

Rowan would love to brag and say that he did a full renovation, but it’d be a lie. He’d just emptied most of it out and filled it with things Aelin would appreciate—not that figuring that out was a hard task. A floor-to-ceiling bookcase that took over an entire wall became mandatory ever since Maisie got the idea that a couple of walls at her mother’s house were made of books instead of bricks. Another wall just for books, but this one got interrupted by the window, which he took advantage of to get a dark blue couch and make it a ‘reading nook’, as some folks on the internet call it. Apart from that, he just got a new desk—that matches the bookcases, since Aelin cares about this stuff—and fully emptied out Fenrys’ closet, since Rowan would have to own a total of half a shirt to make the one in the master room fit all of her stuff, from several work uniforms to the cocktail attire she wears once in a blue moon.

Rowan was pointedly not looking at Aelin, and taking a second look at his work could only distract him so much from the fact that she was awfully quiet. Shit. Did he not get enough bookcases? Rowan was afraid that might happen.

When he dared take a look, her expression put him off. Aelin’s eyes looked unusually shiny, and her chin wobbled in a way that sent a jolt of fear through him.

“I got the wrong shade of wood, didn’t I?”

“No! Baby, I love it.” Her chin wobbled. “I love it so much. Everything, really. It’s just…” she quickly dabbed at her eyes with her fingers and cleared her throat. “Sorry, hormones.”

Aelin finally looked him in the eye and said, “I just had other plans for this room.”

“Like what?”

She stared at him like he was the one being unreasonable. “Like a nursery, Rowan.”

In a way, she was right. Eventually, when the time was right, they’d need a nursery. But right now, they had an empty room and a lot of books in need of one.

“I know.” Rowan squeezed her hand, a flicker of excitement running through him at the mention of his future with Aelin. “But we have time before that.”

“Does less than seven months feel like a long time to you?”

Rowan felt his brows creasing. Less than seven—

His eyes widened.

The speed in which he took a step back to examine the seriousness in Aelin’s expression was nothing compared to his heartbeat’s pace.

“You’re not.”

“Rowan, you just told me it was pretty obvious—not ten minutes ago.”

“I was talking about depression!”

“Depression!?”

Rowan paused. Tentatively, he added, “Your depressive episode…?”

“Honey, why on earth would you think I’m depressed?”

“You’ve been so tired.”

She pointed at her lower belly. “Exactly.”

“And you changed all your medication.”

“Exactly!”

Rowan blinked.

Oh, shit.

He took a step back. And another.

“Rowan? Are you alright?”

Not again. He was absolutely not doing this shit again. Blindly, he opened the door behind him.

“Rowan Whitethorn, you are not leaving this room right now. This is so not the response you’re giving me after I tell you I’m preg—“

“Wait. Just—” he gave her a pleading look “—wait a minute. You didn’t tell me anything yet.”

She crossed her arms, eyes hard. “I’m pretty sure I did.”

“You want to trust me with this. You didn’t tell me anything yet. You’ll agree with me when I come back.”

“You have five minutes to put yourself together before I kick you out for the night.” When Aelin checked the time on her phone, her movements were as stiff as her jaw.

And then he ran.

First to the garage, where the ladder was. He did stumble over a box or two and made too much noise for the late hour, but Aelin’s clock was running. Then, he took it to their bedroom, thankful that she decided to stay in the spare room for what he was about to do.

Rowan set the ladder next to the curtain and climbed it until he could reach the top. He unscrewed the finial at the very end and checked the curtain pole—more precisely, the jewelry baggie he hid inside it. There, laid the not-so-new possession that could bankrupt a small country—or at least Rowan’s bank account.

After that, he kneeled before the bottom of his closet and retrieved the red velvet ring box, since it didn’t fit inside the curtain rail. Rowan had no idea how Aelin believed him when she learned he was using a fancy jewelry box to keep his spare keys, but he was glad the small white lie worked in his favor.

When you share a closet with someone as clever as his Fireheart, doing a task such as hiding a wedding ring forces the mind to chew through its own skull to gouge out creativity.

Checking his phone, his five minutes were almost out.

Once again, Rowan ran. He yanked the bedroom door open, and took a sharp turn to meet her by the couch where she sat. However, the mix of his speed, spin and fuzzy mind was the perfect combination to send him tumbling towards the ground before he reached her.

“Rowan!” she shouted as soon as his hip hit the floor, standing up to aid him.

“Stay there,” he said with one hand up and another clutching at his side as he sat on the floor, wincing at the bite of pain.

She stood before him as he commanded, but still studied him carefully, watchful. “Does it hurt?”

“It 's nothing.”

“Honey, you need to be more careful. Your bones aren’t getting any stronger at this age.”

A bark of laughter. “Did you just call me old?”

She shrugged. “Just statistics.”

Rowan abandoned his post-fall sitting position and got on one knee, retrieving the small velvet box from his sweatpants’ pocket, heart on his throat.

When he dared to glance at her, Aelin looked exactly the same as she did a second ago—frozen as a picture. Her lack of reaction freaked him out, but it was too late to retreat.

“Aelin,” he started, then swallowed the lump in his throat. He tried again, “My beloved Fireheart…”

Her mind must’ve catched up with her surroundings, because she straightened herself and stared at him expectantly.

Rowan’s mind went blank.

“Is it a surprise that I’ve kept this ring for months, but couldn’t come up with a speech?”

She shook her head to confirm her lack of surprise, giggling, but it was cut short. “Months?” she asked, frowning. “How many months? We’ve been together for four.”

“Fireheart,” he continued and cleared his throat, not willing to answer her.

His nerves got the best out of him and he let out a frazzled chuckle. “This is so soon.”

“Time’s a social construct, no need to restrict ourselves to that.” Aelin aimed at a joke, but the emotion welled in her close-lipped smile betrayed the levity behind it.

Rowan placed a brief kiss on her knuckles. “I have this… longing for you. It’s soul-consuming, and there’s no time barriers to it. I’ve longed for you since before I met you. I longed for you when you hated me, I long for you every hour you’re not by my side. But right now, even together, ‘longing’ doesn’t even scratch the surface of how I feel about marrying you—which is why I’m beginning to accept that it won’t ever stop. The more this yearning shifted from an emotion I once ran from into one I now cherish, the more certain I became that this longing for you is my fate, Aelin.”

He supported the hand still holding the box on his knee and leaned to grab Aelin’s hand with his free one. With his eyes closed, Rowan summoned the endless reverence he felt and poured it into kissing her knuckles, head bent.

He looked back up and, without releasing her hand, continued, “I might not be the best man you’ll ever find, but I’m the one who’ll try the hardest to do right by you. I love you. All day, every day. I loved you when I couldn’t tell love was right in front of my face—but now that I know it, there’s no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

“Fireheart, will you allow me the honor of becoming your husband, to serve and love you for as long as I live?”

A quick blinking and the slight, soundless motion of her agape mouth were the only tells she was conscious.

The short air supply he was getting was probably the reason behind his lightheadedness. If this stretched for any longer, he might need a heart monitor and a cardiologist before Aelin gave him an answer.

Rowan cleared his throat. “...Please?”

It took a second longer before she snapped awake. “Don’t say that!”

Rowan begged Mala this wasn’t a ‘no’. He might need an ambulance for real.

“Don’t say what?”

“Please!”

“Please what?”

“Don’t say that!”

Rowan frowned. Her cryptic blank expression was easier to understand than this. “Why are you mad?”

“Because of course I’ll marry you! Saying ‘please’ is just—that’s ridiculous.” Aelin said while dropping to her knees before him, then yanked his face to hers and kissed his lips in a near-violent caress. “I—” Another aggressive peck. “—I love you so much. I’ll marry you a million times over.”

Ease came before joy—Rowan’s entire body relaxed. He wished he could give her a post-proposal movie-worthy kiss, but it wouldn’t work with all that relief rushing out of his lungs and mouth right now.

“Good,” he said, nodding. “Good.” While putting the ring on her finger, he joked, “That was just a formality, actually. It’s not like I’m letting you go anywhere, love.”

She laughed. “So possessive.”

“You better think this through, Fireheart. I won’t get any better once I make you my wife.”

She let out a mocking resigned sigh. “I guess I can live with that.”

Aelin’s new reading nook had enough space for one and a half to cuddle, so she led him there, made him lay down first and set herself on top of him. She hovered over him, forearms braced on each of his side, and it only took him half a mind to cup her face and kiss her.

His entire existence narrowed to Aelin, her thighs straddling his and their tongues tangled as his chest heated and melted, overwhelmed with one of the most vital half-hour spans of his life.

Their millionth kiss. The first of the rest of their lives, executed as urgently as if it was their last.

He loved her.

Aelin caressed his cheek and peered at him, eyes shiny and her gorgeous, swollen lips twisted into a watery smile. That look on her face—it made him more silly than any love declaration she could ever make.

They held each other’s gazes in a silent conversation, soliloquies and odes and oaths translated into the flow of photons that passed between them and allowed the conversation between turquoise and pine-green irises.

She stroked his cheek and something caught her eye. Aelin giggled.

“You’re quite the decent jewel shopper, Whitethorn.” She kept smiling at her ring, then laid her head on his chest to comfortably move the diamond on her finger and watch it catch the light.

Rowan was merely window-shopping wedding rings—a pastime he did to try to resist the urge to buy one when it was soon—when he saw it. An emerald cut diamond, as they call it, with an extravagance in its size that balanced the tastefully minimalistic design.

“You know I’d marry you if you proposed with a cereal box ring, right? I had my answer ready before you bought this tectonic plate.”

Rowan snorted. And she had the gall to say that he was the dramatic one in this relationship.

This engagement.

Truth was, Rowan knew he didn’t have to—the way he gleefully mangled his savings shocked him more than the price itself.

He’s always had the habit of saving money, but even though it was natural for him, there’s always been plans for it as well. The list grew and changed as Rowan did, going from buying gym supplements—that he hid from his mother—in his teenage years to buying a house once free military housing isn’t an option for him anymore, and it was safe to say that spending so much—an amount that symbolized enormous time and effort from him—into an overpriced stone has never made it into the list.

Until her.

That was just a small one of the several ways Aelin changed his life and worldview.

Rowan kissed the top of her head. “I only care that you’re my wife now.”

“I’m not!” she said, laughing.

“You are. We already agreed to it, and I don’t think letting the government know is more important than that.”

“I’m glad I enjoyed my half-hour engagement, then. Shortest in history, if I had to bet.”

“I told you I’m not good with the timing thing.” Rowan didn’t sound apologetic in the least.

Aelin chuckled and buried her face in his chest, grinning against it. His body was half into cozy mode when she perked up, jumping in a way that she was still side-lying, but now with her forearm supporting her torso raised beside him.

“Oh! There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Okay?” Rowan’s tone portrayed his confusion.

It took her a second as she regarded him while biting her lip before Aelin said, “I’m pregnant.”

His grin was slow and immediate. “By Mala’s embers!” Rowan exclaimed, feigning surprise. And then he decided to just blatantly go with it and added, “What a surprise!”

Aelin threw her head back, her loud cackles filling the room in the most overwhelmingly fulfilling way.

When she first told him, Rowan felt frustrated he didn’t get to execute the plan of marrying her before getting pregnant again, hence his odd first reaction. However, now he realized how silly that was, even if he still appreciated Aelin pretending to tell him after.

Emotion melted his features into a soft smile. “A really damn good surprise.”

“We didn’t plan for it.”

“We also weren’t actively avoiding it.” A pregnancy so soon was surprising, but Rowan wasn’t about to play dumb. They did treat condoms as an afterthought to the point in which it was just a matter of time. Especially with their frequency, he recalled with no amount of male satisfaction. “Maisie was a surprise too, and having her is pretty amazing, right?”

“Yes,” she said with a chuckle. “And Maisie was a whole different level of unplanned.”

Having a baby (1) with a man she worked with, (2) that she wasn't supposed to be sleeping with, (3) while being in a relationship with another man—Rowan didn’t think a baby could be more unplanned than Maisie, and look at them now.

She hummed. “I might be getting on birth control after this one. I don’t want to be that couple with 11 surprise babies that weren’t really a surprise.”

“Gods,” he cursed while protectively holding her belly. “Will you at least let this one come out before deciding on the sperm cell genocide?”

Aelin’s quivering lips betrayed her seriousness. “I mean it.”

“All right, no 11 kids. Got it,” he agreed, as serious as he could be. “But if you want twelve, I can make it to major before kid #5. That’s a big paycheck, baby.”

She bumped his nose. “In your dreams, Not-A-Major Whitethorn.”

“You think I’m joking?” he challenged, joking. “Just you wait until the 12th Galathynius-Whitethorn comes and I’m lieutenant colonel. I’ll fit 12 more in my pocket.”

Aelin leaned down to kiss him, but it got messy due to their laughing, so they resigned to a few pecks.

“I love you,” she said, placing a trail of kisses on his lip, cheek and nose.

“I love you.” Rowan tilted her face and kissed her thoroughly now that the mood had sobered. “And two or twelve, you call the shots.”

She raised her brows. “I never thought I wouldn’t.”

Mala forbid a man tries to show some support.

A loud clatter echoed over the silent house, alerting both of them, and it sounded a lot like the broom they placed outside Maisie’s door as a noise trap.

A softer, squeaky sound followed, the confirmation they needed—the typical sound of a door hinge that was purposefully left unoiled.

Maisie was awake.

Both of them jumped off the couch to find Maisie in the hallway, right outside their bedroom.

“Did you have a bad dream, Mais?” Rowan asked.

She looked between their bedroom door and the spare room’s, likely confused about their location, but she had more pressing matters to discuss.

“Tooth fairy is late.”

Shit. Between a new baby and the proposal, he completely forgot about it.

“Maisie,” Aelin warned in her soft mom tone. “Were you trying to catch Tooth Fairy?”

“No,” the little girl blatantly lied.

Rowan walked into her room and found a stolen Alexa from the kitchen. When he opened his phone to check the history? A request to be woken up in the middle of the night.

“Tooth Fairy isn’t late, you wanna know why?” Aelin asked their sheepish-looking daughter. “When she visits kids, she starts with the ones who don’t make a fuss when it’s time to brush their teeth—and you, Maisie Whitethorn, are at the very bottom of the list.”

The little girl’s eyes widened, as she probably reconsidered the last five and a half years of her life—or whatever she could remember of it.

“But she’ll still come tonight, right?”

Aelin regarded their overeager daughter and softened. “Of course she will,” she confirmed with the satisfaction of someone who not only got away with their own slip, but also turned it into a learning opportunity for Maisie.

Evil genius.

He couldn’t wait to marry her.

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katethetank · 2 days ago

Text

Possession of the Heart - Chapter 7

Rating: 18+ minors gtfo Chapter Summary: Tommy reveals what happened with Eddie, Steve's pregnancy is confirmed, and he isolates himself until he can't take it anymore. CW: Tommy is the worst, threats of assault (again, nothing actually happens, Stevie is ok!), Tommy is an asshole, mention of a gun, fainting, medical checkup, mpreg, depression, isolation, mention of Tommy's infertility Pairing: Alpha!Tommy x Omega!Steve - Alpha!Eddie x Omega!Steve Word Count: 3.1k

Chapter 6<<Masterlist>>Chapter 8

“What do you want, Tommy?”

Steve’s clothes are wet from the rain and he’s leaving a puddle on the floor where he stands, looking at his husband, who appears positively elated. His heart is in pieces and all he wants to do is crawl into his nest and lick his wounds. He never does seem to get what he wants.

“I was just waiting on your return. Not much to keep you occupied at the cottage anymore, is there?”

A chill runs through Steve’s body, and it’s not from his soaked clothing. “What do you mean?”

Tommy shakes his head and sneers. “Did you think I wouldn't find out? That you could keep secrets from your own husband? I’ve known for weeks about your little…escapades. When I instructed you to find someone to provide what I could not, I was hoping you would have the sense to choose a man of better standing. Not to spread your legs for the help.”

The way he spits those vile words out makes Steve’s blood boil. How dare he speak of Eddie in such a way? He’s more of a man and Alpha than Tommy could ever be. And how did he know? Tommy can’t navigate the terrain on his wheelchair, so that only leaves one option.

“You had me followed?”

“And rightly so. Billy’s skills were put to good use. He’s been tracking your activities for weeks now. While his reports of your…indiscretions were enough to make my stomach turn, I decided to allow it for the time being until I could figure out what to do with you. But last night you went too far, darling. He heard your pathetic little love confession, and I realized it was time to put a stop to your foolishness.”

Steve can barely breathe. He was followed last night, after Billy tried to put his hands on him. If Steve hadn’t been able to make it to the cottage, to the safety of Eddie’s arms…he doesn’t want to think about what could have happened if Billy caught him. Knowing that Billy had seen them as well, had likely stood in the shadows and watched as Eddie pleasured him…he feels his stomach drop.

He heard them, too. He heard Steve confess his love to Eddie and his desire to escape. Their talk of plans. And now Eddie is gone.

“Tommy…what have you done?”

His smile is sinister as he wheels himself closer. “For starters, your precious Edward has been fired. Billy delivered the message to him last night. Had him pack up his meager belongings and escorted him off the property. Edward didn’t put up much of a fight. But I suppose that’s to be expected when starting down the barrel of a pistol.”

“If you hurt him-”

“He is unharmed, I assure you. But Billy made it clear that if he tries to return, he won’t hesitate to pull the trigger. He really is good at his job, it’s quite remarkable. I’ve actually taken the liberty of striking up a deal with him. In return for his detective work, I’ve granted him permission to put a pup in you. Call it a bonus for a job well done.”

Steve is going to be sick. He staggers backward as if he’s been slapped and braces himself on the wall. “No…Tommy, no.”

“Don’t worry darling, it will be some time until he can claim his reward. After all, we have to wait until this pup arrives.” He nods at Steve's stomach and suddenly the room starts to spin. Steve’s knees give out and he slides down the wall until he’s seated on the floor. His hands cover his abdomen protectively.

“How?...” His voice is weak and shakes with fear.

“I could smell it on you this morning. Your scent is changing, dear. And don’t you think I would have known if you had a heat? It never came, did it?”

Steve shakes his head and his ears start to ring. He can’t speak. It feels like his whole world is collapsing. And then Tommy delivers the final blow.

“Just think, darling. Once the pup is born, it’ll have the Hagan name, and I’ll finally be able to fully claim you as mine. You’ll look so lovely with my bite on your neck.”

The room spins faster, a cold sweat breaks out on his skin, and the last thing he hears over the loud ringing before losing consciousness is Tommy’s cruel laughter.

When his eyes flutter open again, he’s tucked into his nest. His memories feel hazy as though he’s trying to see them through a thick fog. The party…Billy…Eddie left…the cottage…Tommy. It all had to have been a dream. He had a nightmare and is just slow to wake.

There’s a knock on his door, and a moment later an older gentleman he hasn’t seen before pops his head in. “Ah, Steven! Glad to see you’re awake. I’m Doctor Samuel Owens. Would you permit me to come in?”

“Just Steve is fine. And um…yes, you can come in. Why may I ask are you here?”

Dr. Owens sets down a large black medical bag on a table and opens it up to pull out a stethoscope. “Your husband rang my office and said it was urgent, that you collapsed suddenly. So, I came straight over to make sure you and the baby are alright.”

Baby? Oh god. It all comes back to him in an instant. His tender chest, missing his heat, Tommy noticing his scent changed, claiming the pup as his. Steve begins breathing rapidly and Dr. Owens notices immediately, rushing to his side and propping him up on the pillows. “Steve, you look a little pale. Here, I want you to take a sip of water and try to breathe slowly with me.”

He hands Steve a glass that had been set on the nightstand and the water helps to wet his parched mouth. He follows along with Dr. Owens’ breaths, and the slow rhythm along with his kind demeanor helps to calm Steve down.

“There you go, much better. I’ll wait a bit before I check your heart rate and let you settle for a moment. While we wait, can you tell me how you’re feeling? Any pain? Injuries? Headaches?”

“Not from collapsing that I can tell. My um…my chest has been tender. I just noticed it yesterday.”

Dr. Owens grabs a clipboard and pen and starts to scratch away at the paper. “Ok. Any nausea? Bleeding?”

“My appetite hasn’t been the best, but it’s possible that’s just from stress.”

The doctor nods his head and moves his pen across the paper again. “Ok, those are all good signs! And can you tell me roughly when you had your last heat? Your husband was unsure of how far along you might be in your pregnancy.”

“It was in June.”

Dr. Owens makes a curious face. “I see. And your heats…do they normally come about every three months?”

“Yes.”

“So your heat should have come last month…Steve, it’s not common for Omegas to conceive outside of a heat, but it’s also not impossible. Looks like you’re one of the lucky ones! That does however make it a little more difficult to determine gestation. Considering you’re not showing any outward signs other than tender breast tissue and nausea, it’s definitely still early. If I had to guess I’d say your pup would be due roughly around…May or June.”

Steve doesn’t know how to react. He feels as if he’s just been given a death sentence. If he were to get this news with Eddie it would be different.

“You don’t seem very excited to hear this. I have to say, I’m a little alarmed, Steve. If you’re concerned for your safety, or your pup’s, I want you to know that you can tell me.”

Steve’s eyes dart over to the open door of his bedroom. He can’t trust that Tommy still isn't having him monitored. As long as he’s on this estate…he’s not safe, especially not from Billy and his ability to track him and report back to his husband.

“I’m fine Dr. Owens. Just overwhelmed I suppose. Did you need to do an examination?”

The doctor relents, and checks Steve’s heart rate, breathing, and reflexes. He reminds Steve that he needs to eat regular meals, hydrate, and get plenty of rest, and packs up his things.

“Before I go, I want to give you my card. If anything comes up…if you don’t feel well or need anything…you call me any time.”

He leaves his card and Steve waits until he exits to tuck it into his nest out of sight. It’s a small comfort knowing it’s there, but the odds of this man being able to help him are slim to none. He’s on his own.

As the days and weeks pass, Steve rarely leaves his room. He’ll dine with Tommy for supper, barely picking at his food, and refusing to say a word. The day he's unable to button his trousers is a difficult one. In his mirror, he can see the proof of the pup growing in his belly. Where it was once flat, there’s now a small swell. He spends the entire day crying in his nest, wishing Eddie was there to see it. Imagining how his strong hand would gently cup the tiny curve. He would probably lavish Steve’s belly in kisses and praise him for carrying the evidence of their love.

He had hoped, though it wouldn’t be likely, that he would receive word from Eddie. Some kind of sign that he was out there, thinking of him, wishing they were together. As winter sets in without so much as a telegram, Steve begins to realize that his hope is lost.

He doesn’t leave his quarters at all anymore. Meals and adjusted clothing are left outside his door. Most of it is wasted. He lacks a normal appetite and favors moving about his room in a robe over putting on shirts and trousers that are expanded to fit his growing belly.

Another difficult day comes when he feels the pup kick for the first time. More tears are shed, more thoughts come of Eddie. Would he drop what he was doing to place his hands on Steve’s belly? Would they shed tears of joy together? Would he talk to the pup with his lips hovering over Steve’s skin?

He’s so tired. His sleep is often disturbed by dreams. Ones where Eddie is holding their pup, or teaching their young child how to fish. He wakes up crying every time. Then there are others where Tommy takes the pup from him, or Billy has him pinned against a wall. He wakes up thrashing and sweating, and his heart beats so rapidly that he can’t fall back asleep. He’s tired of restless nights and endless days of solitude, of looking out of his window to the tree line he can no longer escape to. He’s tired of worrying about what will happen to his pup when it’s born. Of what will happen to him after it’s born.

It’s March when he wakes again to another dream of Tommy taking the pup from his arms and Billy holding him down. It won’t be long now until these nightmares are to become a reality. He’s terrified, exhausted, and desperate. He can’t do this anymore. Eddie’s voice echoes in his mind, from the last night they were together. Say the word, and we’ll leave right now.

Why didn’t he just leave and deal with the consequences later? He was such a fool to think that he would ever be able to find another way out of this prison.

Say the word, and we’ll leave right now.

If he wants to leave, he’s going to need money. Tommy has money. He’s seen stacks of it in the safe Tommy keeps in the study. Steve could slip in there while he’s out, grab enough for a train ticket, and leave this place. Only he doesn’t know where Eddie is. Before he can let himself be overcome with despair, he shakes the thought from his mind. Billy tracked Steve, surely there is someone out there who can track Eddie. He won’t know for certain unless he gets out of here.

An opportunity presents itself soon enough, when his breakfast is delivered with a note that Tommy will be meeting with business associates in town and will be back by lunchtime. He waits by his door, with his ear pressed to the wood, for the sound of Tommy being escorted through the main entrance. A thud echoes through the manor as the front doors are closed tight, and Steve slips into the hallway. He creeps towards the stairs, keeping an eye out for any of their staff who may be lingering nearby, or God forbid Billy watching him like a hawk. There is no sign of anyone, so he makes his way down the stairs as quickly as he can. His heart is beating in his ears as he reaches the bottom step, and he checks again for any signs of life.

The study doors are open, and Steve peeks inside, ensuring the room is empty. Tommy’s safe is tucked under his desk, out of sight, so Steve crouches down as best as his belly can allow. It’s a combination lock, and he grins for the first time in months. Tommy used to unlock it while Steve was in the room when they were living in New York. He always thought the numbers were ridiculous. He reaches out and spins the dial back and forth.

1 - 23 - 4

There’s a small click when he gets to the last number, and he slowly twists the handle and breathes a sigh of relief when the heavy steel door opens. And then his heart sinks.

There’s no money in the safe.

All he can see are papers and envelopes. He pulls them out to make sure there isn’t any money hiding underneath and is more than disappointed to find not a single bill. But one of the papers catches his attention.

A medical report from a Dr. Brenner, confirming the extent of Tommy’s injuries, his inability to father any pups, his lifetime confinement to a wheelchair. He wants to feel sympathy for his husband, but can’t find an ounce of it in himself.

Beneath the medical report is a copy of their marriage contract. He’s never seen it before, but he would recognize his father’s signature anywhere. He scans over the document and a few words stand out, grabbing his attention. He holds the paper in shaking hands as he reads it carefully from the top. There’s a section on the stipulations of their marriage that he had no idea existed.

The marriage between Thomas Hagan and Steven Harrington shall be immediately dissolved if there is proof of adultery by either party. Furthermore, dissolvement will occur should either party be unable to provide/carry/birth any pups. Bonding shall not occur until the first pup is born.

Either party. Should either party be unable to provide pups. Steve stares at the paper in disbelief. Tommy knew. This whole time, Tommy knew. He has been holding Steve hostage since he came back with his injuries. He could have dissolved the marriage as soon as Dr. Brenner signed that medical report. Steve remembers now how Tommy mentioned he paid his doctor and swore him to secrecy. It’s no wonder why. He had the proof needed to end their marriage.

Instead of letting Steve go, and making good on the contract, Tommy lied and kept him on a short leash. Paraded him around to his associates, so he could show off his status to everyone who set foot in Hagan Manor. Steve could scream, but he can’t give any indication that he’s in here. He’s got proof in his hands that their marriage can be dissolved and he can be free. His pup kicks in his belly, reminding him that he’s also got his own proof of adultery right there.

He sets aside the medical report and marriage contract and begins putting the rest of the papers back in the safe. He reaches for the envelopes and his breath catches. They’re addressed to him. They’re all addressed to him. His eyes land on the return address and there it is. Edward Munson. He’s in Indiana, and he’s alive, and he didn’t forget about Steve.

He finds the most recent letter and flips it over. It’s already been opened. All of them have. So not only has Tommy been keeping these from him, but he’s also been reading the words Eddie wrote. The words that were meant for him, and only him.

He pulls out the folded sheet of paper and brings it to his nose. It has the faintest smell of cedar clinging to it, and Steve genuinely smiles for the first time in months. He unfolds the paper and tears spring in his eyes as he reads.

My darling boy,

I don’t know if you’re receiving these letters, but I vow to keep writing them until I see you again. I think of you every day and dream of you every night. I’m not a praying man, but I find myself lying in bed at night praying for your safety.

Winter has been brutal here, but now that spring is rolling in, the air is getting sweeter and it’s reminding me of you. I started some seed pots with lavender, rosemary, and sage so that even if you’re not with me, I can surround myself in your fragrance. Uncle Wayne called me a right fool for doing it but he’s not a young man in love, so he can kick rocks.

The farm has been quiet, and Wayne keeps insisting that I stay in the big house with him. I find the cabin to be more comfortable. It reminds me a bit of the cottage and our time together. I can’t wait for you to see it. I hung your embroidery over the bed so I can look at it as I fall asleep, and every morning when I wake up.

I hope you’re well my darling. I hope you get to read this. And I hope you know how much I love you.

One day we’ll be together again. I know it. Be well my love, and dream of me holding you in my arms.

Forever yours,

Eddie

Steve holds back a sob and kisses the page where Eddie signed his name. He quickly gathers all the proof he needs to gain his freedom, locks the safe, and hurries back up to his room to make his plan for escape. With any luck, he’ll be in Eddie’s arms soon.

Chapter 6<<Masterlist>>Chapter 8

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STEVE!!!!!

Btw, I fucking love Sam Owens with all my heart and will find any excuse to write him into a story.

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