#I used to draw these guys so much more often... I wonder if they're putting out new seasons of the 2019 series still

[abyssalzones]

ohh. wait maybe I did miss them...

[somewhereincairparavel]

HEY! I was wondering if you could do a To be young and in love, ah, Jason x fem Aphrodite reader !! 💘💘

ʚ♡ɞ˚Now he's thinkin' 'bout me every night, oh Is it that sweet? I guess so! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Ahh I love this request.

♥ Jason loves your vibe. It's so soft and gentle.

♥ I feel even though is so many fics, I see the Aphrodite cabin being portrayed as the “bullies” (I blame uncle rick for throwing in characters like Drew inside the cabin) but in real life, the Aphrodite cabin GETS bullied a lot by a few annoying pick me’s who are like “ew they're so damsel in distress and attention seeking” even though cabin 9 does nothing but mind their business???

♥ and there's just so much stigma around dating that cabin?? Like my pretty babies get played a lot and used just because people want a “hot” gf not because they actually love them :(♥ And you cannot tell me Jason wouldn't advocate AGAINST that shitty behavior. He would

♥ That's when he met you, he fell in love almost immediately.

♥ Calls you “my princess” while he picks you up when you aren't looking to mess with you 🥺🩷

♥ You make him do cute tik tok trends with you

♥ Like drawing half a heart with lipstick on your face while pressing it on his face to get a full heart.

♥ Yes he lets you do that cute shit

♥ Loves it when you kiss him on the lips with your lipgloss on omgg. Makes him giggle and kick his feet. You guys SO made out later anyways and he had lipstick marks all over him-

♥ Gets you fashion show tickets and goes with you.

♥ Also, I feel like at first he'd bicker and complain with you over your perfume sm as a joke, bc to him, it “smells too sugary” but when you leave for a quest or something he'd miss you sm that he'll literally buy that perfume which he once claimed he hated and puts it on bc he just missed you THAT much.

♥ You put cute flower clips on his hair and he even ends up liking it.

♥ Just like how Percy loves blue food, you love pink food, your face just lights up with you see pastel pink coloured food, and he thinks that's so adorable wtf

♥ Loves that you aren't afraid to be yourself even when mean ppl make fun of you

♥ Like you're a coquette Barbie but you're HIS coquette Barbie okay

♥ Lemme just add that your biggest turn on abt him is when he ties your shoelaces??? Like you don't know how to tie laces very well because you don't often wear sneakers, so you're just walking around wearing untied shoes, he looks at that, laughs, and bends down, ties it into such a cute ribbon like way (how does he tie shoes so aesthetically pls) and just looks up at you with his pretty ass eyes with a smile and tries to gauge your reaction.

♥ You just turn into a blushing mess wtf

♥ He is, surprisingly not oblivious to this, and does it more often just to see your blush lmao

♥ You're both so soft but passionate at the same time idk how but slay 🩷

[ren-from-mars]

Omg hiiii guys look! It’s Becky! I participated in the wonderful @hatchetfield-yearbook-project and got to draw her for the Alumni page <33

Go check out the project, it’s chock full of amazingly talented artists and writers who all captured their characters perfectly! Seriously, reading through some of the club articles I needed to convince myself it wasn’t canon work it’s sososososo good!

Down below are the little details I did while working out how Becky would have been both in highschool as well as how she aged!

I focussed on a lot of lines mentioned in black friday and nightmare time to try and get a grasp on how exactly Becky would have changed over time. Things like “she’s not as hot as she used to be”, how long she was with Stanley, how working at the Hospital is Incredibly Fucking Stressful, and of course her “Rah Rah Team Spirit”! I went a bit overboard in the details but if you’re reading this right now you want them so BAM here it is!

First off, Hatchetfield High Becky!

These are all just my personal headcanons, none of the appearance based details are directly stated as canon and are rather derived from my personal beliefs for her and things stated about her in the show.

Before the list- I put her in the same HFHS cheer team uniform that we see Brenda and Stacy both wear! I like to think that people wearing their cheer uniforms around the school is just. a think the Nighthawks Cheer Team just Do, and have done for years. They're insane like that (and the dark blues really compliment Beck!)

Her Rah Rah Cheer Spirit leaks into everything, and she does her makeup often with a silver and blue eyeshadow. she changes this look up every now and then, but being the cheer captain and dating the star quarterback comes with its own. social expectations on appearance, so Becky regularly goes back to her tried and true method.

star earrings star earrings! blue for the nighthawks, but the star is based on the fact that Becky and Tom would often stargaze on the football field, especially after the big games. Hatchetfield would have been a pretty bright city even back then, but it wasn't nearly as light polluted as it is in the present day. Stargazing together became their way to unwind and talk, without people listening in on every little thing being said and spreading rumours. Not like they would dare do that to two of the most popular people in school.

This is more targeted to her whole face, but this comes back to Beck doing her makeup every day. Obviously that shade of red isn't natural on her, but she would put it on the exact same every day that eventually people forgot about it. This ties into her 'not being as hot as she used to be', because she was always dressed up and wearing makeup. God forbid a woman age and not do things to be performative and appeal to you any more

The locket! This locket was a gift from Tom to Becky when they were together. She chose to put a photo of Tom in it, taken after the Nighthawks had won a big game (he had the biggest goofiest smile on his face). Note that the chain is long enough to fit underneath current Becky's clothes! She kept it all this time, Stanley told her to get rid of it, but she put it under a floorboard in their house in a simple box. When they *cough* broke up, she got the box back out but didn't wear the locket again until her and Tom inevitably meet again and reconnect. Now, she wears the locket every day, and Tom Hates that old photo of him (but in reality, he's touched that she kept it all this time). Despite that, he would never in a million years make her change it. In the worlds where they get to stay together and look after Tim, she adds a photo of Tim to the locket but still doesn't change Tom's photo. Years later Tim hates the old photo but knows how much it means to his mom.

And now for present Becky!

Wrinkles !! because that happens and is very regular ! My only thing with this piece is that I wish I would've made them a bit more prominent. Most of her wrinkles are on her glabella (above the nose, between the eyebrows) because she had them furrowed so often. she also has forehead wrinkles and wrinkles next to her eyes, as well as a permanent slight eye bag. Those sleepless nights never did her any good.

She now rocks simple pearl earrings. They get in the way a whole lot less, and aren't distracting at work. Not much to say about them (but look at how tasty the rendering is on them!!!).

Back to wrinkletown, she only has slight wrinkles on either side of her nose. After cheer, she didn't do a whole lot of smiling.

White hairs! She has gone through so much stress don't you even tell me she wouldn't be slightly greying from that. She killed her husband. Her hair colour is also oh so slightly desaturated because of more natural greying (where the hair just loses pigmentation and goes blonde or white over time, but with no singular grey hairs. man red hair is weird). She also works at the hospital, you cannot tell me she wouldn't have a few unnatural grey hairs from all the shit she's been through.

This is just pointing out the height of her collar, the locket is there :)))))

I also forgot to point out, but her lack of makeup! This absolutely leads certain people to perceive her as ""less hot"" because of how she was constantly dressed up in highschool to maintain status. She was never disingenuous about her care for the Nighthawks and her cheer spirit, but highschool. Does something to people.

And another thing, that goes over both pictures, her hair is shorter! This is to help keep it out of the way easier at work. Her hair is tied into a high pony in highschool (again, think Brenda and Stacy), so letting it down would make it a Heap longer. Now she makes a lot of her hair decisions based on what makes work most convenient.

That's it! Please if you have any questions pester me about it, Becky is my girl i love her so much <33333 and another reminder to go check out the project!!!!!!

[krirebr]

Kris!! I have a vamp!Steve question for you, dear friend. (I know, surprise, surprise. This is what happens every time he steps out of the shadows for 0.5 seconds)

Just a little question about where he draws the line with intimacy. I don’t think promiscuous is the right word, but Steve seems to be a pretty open lover. I’m just wondering where his limit is in these types of situations. Like, obviously he was romantic (as much as he can be?) with Ransom and Bucky, and probably several other lovers, but has anything ever happened with Cole or Cutter? Or does he have some sort of boundary when it comes to trusted workers/friends? Is Steve even capable of having friends?🫣

No pressure to answer, I’m just wondering how much weight he puts on actions like that and whether or not it’s something he ties to romance, or he just views it as something that can make him feel good without tying any emotions to it.

Ok lub ya, bye💗

Ohhh, Essie, babe, I love this question! And I've honestly thought a lot about it.

Steve is very much a "if it feels good, do it," type of guy. I don't think he's interested in limiting himself in any capacity. And sex is very much about power for him (just like everything else). So if he can use physical intimacy to gain power in any way, he's going to do it. It's a vital tool in his toolbox. But don't forget, when it comes down to it, his primary concern in any and all situations is himself and making himself feel good. Sex makes him feel good. Power makes him feel great.

Bucky is a bit of an exception to this rule. I don't think Steve would ever say he's in love with Bucky. Love is a ridiculous human notion that he is well above. But I do think he feels like they're two halves of one whole. Human or vampire or whatever else, in whatever world, they will always belong to each other. No matter how far or how often Bucky runs, that will always be true. Just don't you dare ever call it love.

Ok, so now your actual question. Steve and Cutter have never slept together. She is one of the only people or vampires on the entire planet that Steve actually respects. And she respects him back. So it's just not a tool he's ever felt the need to use with her.

Cole on the other hand... now, that is the question, isn't it? Or as Cutter has said many, many times to others in the inner circle "The fuck is going on with those two???" 🤣 Ok, honestly? I'm really not sure. I want to say no. I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Partly because I just can't picture Steve ever being attracted to someone that pathetic (😬 Sorry, Cole). But their dynamic is just so weird that I can't say for sure. It wouldn't surprise me if they had slept together once or twice (or more) at some point in all this. I don't know! One of the reasons I enjoy writing the two of them so much is because every time I do I discover more about their relationship. So, who knows???? 😅 Hopefully, me, one day.

I hope this at least partly answered your question, Essie! You know I'm always thrilled to get to talk about vampire Steve!

[selya711-twiste]

what pose refer- OH

#if you know the pose reference i'm so sorry

poor poor anon. aware of the horrors. although if fellow had this much power since the start he wouldn't be doing all this nonsense huh

bonus giddy:

other meta about Playful Land that I've decided to hide in this post (minor CSM spoilers discussed underneath):

I got into Chainsaw Man during the time this blog was in a coma! if that wasn't obvious already ^-^

Fellow and Guidel growing up in poverty reminded me a lot of Denji and Pochita, and I listen to CSM ost often these days I'm only drawing Fellow as Makima for funnies because they both manipulate others without them knowing, and absolutely nothing else. he's too boyfailure for that.

"The country mouse gets to to live in safety, but doesn't get to eat delicious food like they have in the city. The Town mouse gets to eat delicious food, but runs a higher risk of being killed by humans or cats."

I've also been thinking of this line with them lately, either they live honestly and barely make anything when society rejects them as it is, or work at Playful Land despite its horrid conditions if it means their survival

in which I also headcanon that Fellow's drive in doing this in the first place is his envy, and to fulfill a sense of revenge towards people who get to live normal lives but fell for a "free ticket" the same way Pleasure Island also existed as a metaphor to punish people for giving in to hedonistic desires. So that's why he put up with it for so long especially under his greedy bosses

Not a lot of people talk about how as much as Fellow cares about Guidel, he still roped in a child into this job alongside him and exposing him to this sort of stuff, so I was hoping it'd be discussed more when analyzing their bond together and not just fellow's backstory (or whatever crumbs canon gave us), and that's what I had in mind when writing this

theres nothing wrong with finding guidel cute and silly! hes a cute little guy who is very much loved by his older brother, his... very irresponsible brother. but I think that's why I can still come to love Fellow and how raising and protecting Guidel could've played a bigger part in his change at the ending when he stops everything to start a school instead

I was really hoping that Stage in Playful Land would also give us Ortho-Guidel parallels the same way with Idia-Rollo and how they dealt with their grief in Glorious Masquerade, but this time with "little brothers" and their attachment to their "older brothers" but their autonomy outside of them being brought into question

Anyway, I was wondering how the Playful Land operations would impact Guidel, so I was thinking Fellow probably bullshitted some reasons so it isn't merely just guidel following his brother but also being in on it (that, and middle schoolers are built different.)

This worked until the NRC students brought up something sensitive to them, which was school, and it takes the veil off Guidel's eyes and ears for a second about what they're doing and what sort of lives he and fellow could've had seeing the nrc students have so much fun

Sorry this was all over the place LOL. If you've read this far, the contents in my blog may begin to take a darker turn if I post more about them, so I'm really sorry if you followed me for Rollo fluff... but it's also almost my christmas break, so :DDD

i can still see everyones requests in my inbox, by the way. sorry again.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

[shmowder]

Hii I’m cringe free so here is my self-insert as I don’t have any other pathologic ocs :(

Name: Katerina Katina

Age: 27 years old

Job/Credentials: painter! I imagined she would do portraits for the Kains and the other leading families but can also do paintings for anyone in town

And she would just be an NPC

Katerina was born in the town and has lived her whole life there, though she did want to go to the capital to study in art but unfortunately for her she took too long to decide and ended up married to a guy who wants her to stay so she does

She does like the town and since she feels it’s too late to study art anyways she doesn’t want to leave anymore, maybe she’ll just visit the capital one day

She doesn’t have much friends she just talks to the Stamatins often, she WAS once friends with Vlad Jr. but not anymore (I thought he was just a pathetic kinda guy but nope I do not fuck with racists)

Also friends with Verdell Popov another oc which I hope my partner submits here!

She believes in the Mistresses at least Nina and Victoria still not really sure about Katerina Saburov or both of them for the matter

She does believe the steppe legends as she is friends with Verdell who is from the kin and even enjoys hearing about them

Not sure about authority she tries not to get in trouble and doesn’t really like any of the families especially after doing portraits for many of them

Definitely tries to help the Haruspex the most even if she was scared of The Ripper at first, later she’ll offer him to sleep at her house if he needs and if her district is plagued would give him quests and when he’s done she’ll give him food in exchange

Sorry if the writing is wonky somewhere I’m not good at telling info in English shshdh also I’m including a drawing I made of her in Pathologic 2 dialogue

Yes, a painter! I always wondered where all the ruling families got their portraits from? Especially since the paintings shared a similar style, one which clearly contrasted with Peter's more abstract and fluid works.

She is woven into the story seamlessly, I really like the fact that she has an already repeated name. It makes it just more realistic, yk? It makes sense for the most popular names of the time period to get repeated a bunch in a town this big.

Saburov and Block, Victor and Victoria, it's a small detial but provides a touch of realism. We've all known multiple people who shared the same name throughout our lives.

Her connection to Andrey and Peter does make sense. They're both interested in steppe legends and art. Maybe she did the paintings in the brokenheart pub, too?

I love her blue scarf. I know it's not intentional, but it matches Artemy's blue sweater. Poetic how he's the one she'll willing to help the most, does she believe in his cause and the Termite ending? In destroying the Polyhedron, despite the agony, it will put her two friends–the Stamatins–through?

Including the wedding ring in the art is such a good detail too, her curly/wavy hair is very lovely. God, I wish we could've seen more diverse hairtypes in pathologic.

It is lowkey ironic that she doesn't like to get into trouble yet befriended The Stamatin and used to be friends with Vlad Jr. Honestly, even if she does, she is a little too useful to the ruling families for them not to let her go with a slap on the wrist.

Keeping such a talented painter under their thumb and inside the town? Especially an artist who never went to art school, so she doesn't realise her actual worth or talent. Her only other point of reference is Peter, a literal genius in his field whose talent is beyond comprehension. So much so, Nina had to drag the twins to town no matter the cost.

It's also sad in a way, like a beautiful buttefly who may never see its own colourful wings. Who's trapped inside an artificial greenhouse, never wandering to the lush garden outside, and for love to be the one thing chaining her too? That's just amazing.

Your art is amazing! I can tell a lot about Katerina from the body language alone, the nervous side glance, the tendency to touch her fingers.

The wedding ring being silver rather than gold. Ouch.

"I shouldn't have yelled at him" Is she referring to her husband? Do they fight often? Or someone else entirely.

What a lovely and flushed out OC you have! <33 I'm so happy you told me about her, I can't wait to see your partner's OC as well. It's a unique thing for two OCs to have a slightly intertwined story, to be friends in every universe.

-

unrelated, but I wanted to thank you for the lovely ask you sent before. Encouraging me after the person pretending to be a different anons thing. I never got the chance to reply because the matter was resolved. Still, thank you greatly for your sweet words.

[violetvirus]

DUDE, YOUR AU IS SO COOLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

trying to think of AU names. i should be studying but. IT'S COOL

tell me about Ao Lie. and Wukong, and his programming backstory. and why Tripitaka is in trouble with the government. and Nezha (obviously, as aroacenezha LMAO). i wanna know everything about that angry little cyberpunk guy. what's his junkyard look like? have any Ao Lie/Nezha spats? is he a main-ish character?

and how does this translate w/ the og story of JTTW? is this just a character idea kind of thing, or some ideas about the scrolls and journey to enlightenment?

look. you put out cool idea and now I will not stop talking. <3

AAAAAHAH THANK YOU!! yeah… not sure what i should name it yet agh…. But I'm sure i'll think of something more clever than cyberpunk jttw! eventually…

rubs hands together lets get to it heheh

ao lie and tripitaka's relationship is one of my favs to draw and write about currently, they both lean on each other super hard for support bc at their core they're both so lonely yet unable to reach out for help. ao lie often has tripitaka pick him up from parties or other events. their friendship has only stayed so strong because ao lie is so insistent that he would get to know the shut off tripitaka.

wukong's old programming was a secret project from the jade city government to raze areas marked as "undesirable" from the city. this is mostly places where resentment towards the government is growing, and poor areas. wukong's original programming was violent and obedient, he had no personality of his own and his only goal was to carry out the current command. but because of this, it was easier for tripitaka to rewire him, as robots with no set personality code can more easily be reprogrammed, as they're almost a blank slate.

ao lie and wukong… used to not like each other. at all.

but one night, they got the chance to actually talk to just each other. and after that, they became much friendlier to one another. i want to make a comic based off this so i can't say much for now…

tripitaka is in trouble with the government because he is against it. jade city's government is corrupt and ripe with nepotism. they try and lock out technology from reaching poor areas. so tripitaka builds and creates, so that the defenseless can defend themselves. tripitaka is technically an illegal citizen, nobody is really sure where he's from and he has no official papers stating he is a citizen of jade city. but he's been living in the slums since he was very young. tripitaka also gets into trouble for breaking and entering and trespassing, as he will sometimes need materials that aren't available on the black market and will take matters into his own hands. tripitaka can be a little badass, as a treat. (but i love book tripitaka too)

though this tripitaka is still a strict pacifist, so his crimes are all non-violent.

nezha!! little nezha thinks he looks very badass, but everyone else wonders… who the hell is dressing this kid LOL. nezha has first hand experienced the inequality of jade city from living in the slums and has becomes extremely protective over the people there. just on the outskirts of his town there is a junkyard he frequents. tripitaka goes there often too, for scrap metal, and sometimes nezha will bring him materials (if tripitaka asks nicely, lmao). when wukong was first sent to raze their town, nezha was able to pin him under steel pipes in the junkyard, making it so tripitaka could reprogram him. nezha is still extremely proud of this. im making a comic based on this moment….

nezha often will enter tripitaka's home without warning, so the first time he entered with ao lie there, he assumed the worst and jumped to defend tripitaka. ao lie found it hilarious and adorable. ao lie doesn't take nezha very seriously and reminds him often that he has no part in what his family does as he was disowned, but nezha is convinced otherwise and will pester tripitaka constantly to stop talking to ao lie.

nezha is a main character, he is the connection for tripitaka to the neighborhood. he acts a bit like a scout, alerting tripitaka to events that are happening or people that need help or things fixed. nezha seeks out tripitaka because he knows that tripitaka is dependable and wants the best for people.

as for how it translates to the og story of jttw… in my head, eventually, tripitaka is forced to leave Jade City with his robots and head west. i don't have it all figured out yet, but the scrolls would instead be like… some kind of data. sorry this part is so vague haha, in my head there is a closer resemblance. i currently have the story split into a few parts, and right now we're remaining in jade city.

thank you so much for asking!! i love rambling about these guys….

[prismatoxic]

I know you've been having oc brainrot recently, (which, fucking epic btw I just now found out about those guys and they're really fucking interesting too) I was just wondering if you had anything sitting in your brain about promises to keep specifically, something about them that you just can't stop thinking about? Or a thing you really enjoy about their dynamic? Even something completely unrelated to chilaios that you always think about. I'd rlly love to hear abt what makes you tick!

this is such a nice ask wtf

glad you like the sillies, they fill my brain with worms. but as for ptk and/or chilaios...

i do still rotate ptk in my mind fairly frequently, and was actually re-reading it recently so try and get back into the headspace for it. (i got to chapter 4, i have to get back to it soon.) i do have a variety of disorganized thoughts about it

i've been deliberately drawing out the sex stuff, obviously. to tell you the truth i'm not someone who's beholden to realism; i chose to have them actually work their way up to penetration, and actually realistically negotiate the daddy kink, because i thought it fit the tone of the story and would draw things out in a satisfactory way. it also gives me time to explore the different ways their inexperience manifests, show them learning each other's bodies and desires, and explore chilchuck's view of his own body and his relationship to his gender via sex over a longer period of time.

which brings me to another part i put a lot of thought into--chilchuck's gender! i am a fan of a lot of interpretations of him, both cis and transmasc in ways other than what i've been writing. i have plans for at least one fic where he's post top surgery and on T. but i chose to make him pre-everything in ptk for a few reasons, and i'm honestly really pleased with the portrayal. some things i haven't gotten to mentioning yet are that half-foot names are considered unisex (not a headcanon i always go with, but i am fond of it), and he did voice training after he came out. it was more accessible than, like, hormones, at least back in kahka brud, and then he ended up pregnant anyway which delayed doing anything. eventually he decided he didn't really need any of it, anyway. (sorry to deprive everyone of tdick chilchuck 😔.) i like exploring his dysphoria, where it exists versus the many places where he's moved past it, his relationship to sex as a trans man and his concerns about a gay cis man wanting him... while i do insert some of my own experiences into the narrative, chilchuck's transgenderism does manifest in several ways mine doesn't, and it's really fun to figure out what makes sense for him.

speaking of things that are fun to figure out: worldbuilding!! i was told early on that the casual inclusion of "the dungeon age" as a phrase was a really genius method of suggesting the state of the world without exposition, and it very much went to my head, lmao. i do exposition every so often, but only when someone in the conversation doesn't already have the information. so laios explaining monsters and their history, and chilchuck explaining the social structures around half-foots and the differences between kahka brud and the northern continent, are easy ways to try and build on the world i've made--make readers see my vision--without it seeming too out of place. i do hope i'm doing that well, i worry about it when i'm not being subtle, lmao.

other than that--i've set up several plot threads i intend to follow through on later. i really enjoy calling back to earlier things, big or small, and using them in ways people might not expect. (like chekov's plastic wrap from chapters 3 and 10. sorry, chilchuck.) i also thought of a new one while rereading that i think will slot into the narrative nicely. it's going to be a fun ride!!

i hope any of this was interesting :')

[idyllsoftheabyssalforest]

Squad C (Cassini) Overview

I'm still a little shy in sharing things in a more explicit and candid manner, but I plan on starting EO3 soon so might as well start talking about EOCs before it piles up ToT

Starting off with the first in our timeline, we have Squad C (affectionately named Cassini by Alma) in Aslarga (EMD)! The third batch in a larger group of research aides, they're in charge of doing field research, while Squads A and B venture first into mystery dungeons themselves.

Putting this under a cut cuz it does get long!

"Petrina, better known as Petri, hails from an eastern archipelago kingdom, sent on a whim by her family to assist research efforts of the Yggdrasil trees. Exceedingly proud of her capabilities (and having the strength to show for it), she enjoys pushing herself, joining other squads to test out new equipment and prosthesis."

One of the most fun characters to play, to be honest! EMD is my first experience using a dedicated tank, and I never expected to have such fun with it. The 3D model helps a lot, I think. Seeing her turn and raise her sword is just way too cute. Admittedly her character is a work-in-progress, but I've noticed that she does what she wishes most of the time.

(Now that I think of it, I think EMD having active and dynamic representations of our characters helps a lot too and is just so ToT it makes me cry... I wanna have little them's in real life)

"A prosthetist from Tharsis, called to aid in the exploration efforts in Aslarga. Because his practice primarily deals with rehabilitation, Seth has to adjust himself to different responsibilities, such as immediate response and further treatment. Apart from this, he would often find himself catching to and worrying about the rest of his squad."

Obligatory frazzled medic insert. The guy always finds himself wondering whether or not he should heal his teammates, but they say they're fine. I don't always get to pilot him that often, but I suppose it's rather in-character given that he's the one who tries to look out for everyone, much to his own detriment.

The few times I did pilot him, he would run headfirst into traps or enemies, only to be saved by Alma later on. One funny moment was when I accidentally made him eat a sleeping pill in the third boss. (foreshadowing maybe. those are the wrong pills, Seth)

"An heiress whose family has strong ties to the Lagaardian research society. Much of Alma's work involves the cursory elemental explosion, earning her a reputation in her old schools. For a researcher, her senses are very sharp, making her a good fit for her group's assigned task."

One of the characters I pilot most often. Alma's portrait ingame totally doesn't reflect how she is as a person, and that's partially why I'm hiding this under a cut.

She tends to hang around in the front with Petri, and so is able to sling spells while Petri draws monsters to herself. They're a very fun combo honestly.

"A quiet young woman travelling from a reclusive clifftop village. Chikako has a knack for knowing when and where trouble is brewing, and so has the tendency to be drawn to such places; hence, how she got to Aslarga in the first place."

Admittedly my favourite of the four mains in Squad C concept-wise. While she is the youngest of them (21 vs late 20s-30), she manages to keep her wits about her throughout the treks through the mystery dungeons.

I noticed that she has the tendency to linger at the back, which means that she has more time to chill and observe their surroundings.

So far, I've met two NPCs that wished to join the group, a dancer and a landy. The writing of these characters is honestly so charming, I'm surprised.

[anhed-nia]

Recently, someone asked me where I draw the line with horror movies. She expected that we all have subjects or scenarios that are a non-starter because they're just too scary, disgusting, or distasteful. I had a hard time answering her question, because that's just not how I operate; like, it used to be that I wouldn't watch any pseudo-snuff fare like FACES OF DEATH, but then I actually saw that movie and realized that I like it. I guess I'm circumspect about movies that focus on sexual assault, because that's the most likely thing to offend me if its "handled wrong" in my rather mercurial opinion, but that still won't stop me. Some people (usually parents) can't stand seeing children in peril, but I definitely don't have that problem. Generally speaking, the more you threaten me with a bad time, the more attracted I am to the challenge of enduring it.

But, with all that on the table--and I have no idea what this says about me--I have a hard time with body horror. And by that, I mean a different thing than what usually comes to mind. Like, often when my personal lord and savior David Cronenberg sends a movie to Cannes, we get all these reports back of walkouts and vomiting in the aisles, and like…I would agree that CRIMES OF THE FUTURE offers one of the most transgressive images ever committed to film, but I can take that. (I'll take it and like it!) However, I'm really afraid of modern slaptstick comedy. It's not that I'm too good for lowbrow humor, but so many movies by folks like the Farrellys and the Zuckers just amount to torture porn for me. They're almost always "funny" mainly at the expense of the body: Somebody always winds up in a situation that's like something out of SALO: 120 DAYS OF SODOM, shitting and pissing their pants, suffering unwanted sexual experiences, eating or drinking something they shouldn't be, and generally being corporeally humiliated to the point that if it happened to you in real life, you'd never come back from it. To me, this kind of material escapes the bounds of actual-comedy and becomes some sort of grim purgative ritual for humanity's profound and enduring sense of shame. There's no joy in the laughter I've heard when I consented to watch such things in group settings, just this weird, shrill, pre-nervous breakdown anxiety that I don't find it at all fun or funny to be around, or to experience myself.

It may also be worth mentioning that I'm somewhat emetophobic. Like when I saw that scene in POLTERGEIST as a kid, the fact that the guy was throwing up at all was just as upsetting to me as the otherworldly reason it was happening. This is a fear that I just-barely have under control as an adult who is forced to live in a body that must occasionally, for perfectly healthy reasons, reject something I put in it.

Anyway, TRIANGLE OF SADNESS is very good, and it has a point to make, and as someone who is not in the luxury yacht class of people, I have a feeling I should enjoy watching a bunch of rich parasites weeping and screaming while basting in their own juices. And as a devoted fan of the horror genre, whose purpose in life is to show you the thing you don't want to see, I should be the target audience for something that evokes such a crystal clear vision of hell. But honestly, I don't know how well I was able to appreciate it while my brain was just going, "Yup, this is pretty much the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing there is. And it's still happening. God I hope this never happens to me. Is it still going on? …yeah, it's not over. I wonder how long this can happen for. I wonder if this happened to you, if you would go through some kind of permanent psychological change. I wonder if that happened to the people who were trapped on that stranded, contaminated cruise that was in the news a while ago. I wonder if that's happening to me now, just because I'm watching this movie. Wait, is it still going on? …Yup, I guess so," etc. I started to get sympathetic cramps, and I felt my face tingling in a way that I only associate with having consumed poison. I started sifting through memories of other movies that made me want to slam on the breaks: certain of the Guinea Pig films, CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, STREET TRASH, NEKROMANTIK 2 when they club the seal, the interminable rape scene in IRREVERSIBLE, Craig Zobel's devastating COMPLIANCE, the grand finale of CENTIPEDE HORROR… I think all of the competing candidates involved extreme violence, which I guess tells you something about how I rate the yacht segment of TRIANGLE even though there are no rapes or murders involved. As it dragged on, I wasn't thinking anymore about how great it was that all the selfish, destructive rich people were having their thin veneer of bullshit dignity ripped away; I was just thinking about how unhappy I was, and how it seemed like I wasn't going to be feeling better any time soon.

Actually I worried that I might have nightmares about TRIANGLE OF SADNESS, and I did. I had a dream that some friends and I saw it at a festival where there was mass sympathetic vomiting, and we later learned that Ruben Östlund had learned some things about human neurology that ensured that what he showed, and how he showed it, was guaranteed to make any viewer vomit no matter what--sort of like the mythical "brown note" that's supposed to make you shit your pants. In the dream, I wasn't sure if I admired his level of calculation, or if I just felt totally manipulated and ripped off by being forced to have a bodily reaction that had little to do with my thoughts and feelings or appreciation for art. And like, maybe option #2 is how I really feel about this movie!

That's not to say that the movie doesn't have strengths besides the extreme horror of being doomed to a human body. It's funny (in other ways), it's got a bunch of great performances, it looks good, and it's reasonably smart. But on that last note, I scanned a bunch of reviews from prominent critics that denounced it as a lite, too-easy version of this form of social criticism, and that may be true. I may not be intellectually equipped to really address that, but it could be that the movie's initial, visceral shocks overwhelm one's assessment of how sharp its philosophical commentary actually is. I'd say this matter requires further examination, but I can almost guarantee that I'll never watch TRIANGLE OF SADNESS ever again as long as I live. And I've seen CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST more times than I choose to admit.

PS I wanted to say something about how weird it is that we've all been sharing this collective dream about extremely rich people experiencing a personal apocalypse on seafaring tourist expeditions--I mean am I the only one who feels like they're going insane from the bizarrely close concentration of a whole bunch of movies and shows that do this exact thing? But now I'm just exhausted, so somebody else will have to work that out. I'll be too busy doing some soul searching about why I find movies that are drenched in blood, guts, and misery so much easier to take than what happens in TRIANGLE OF SADNESS.

[da-rulah]

Hello you gorgeous ethereal being!

Let’s get to know our fic writer please!

1, 14, 19, 39, 63

Mwah!

Hello my darling! Thank you for sending me some questions 🥹 Let's get into it... ✨

1: Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I love a multi-chaptered fic. You can get into the nitty-gritty details of a story, and really flesh out your characters. The pacing is easier to get right, and it's always so fun to get reactions to each chapter as they're posted. I love reading people's comments and hearing their theories for where it's going - it's the best part about it, getting to interact with people about the strange little stories in my head. 🥹

14: How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

Despite my autism, I'm quite an empathetic person. With autism you're either TOO empathetic or not at all, and I'm definitely too empathetic... So I can empathise with characters in these situations I put them into, but it also comes from personal experience, seeing what people I know have gone through or TV/Movies and music. When I'm writing these emotional scenes, I usually draw from experience or put myself in that character's shoes.

19: What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Probably 'Angst' 🤣 We all know I'm a dramatic bitch who loves her angst...

39: Share a snippet from a WIP

"Still fast asleep, his pretty long lashes fluttered every so often as he dreamt, his features so relaxed and at peace you were terrified to disturb him. Even in his relaxation, his arms were wrapped around you snugly as they were last night after the two of you had shared possibly the most important kiss you had ever had. 

You wondered, then, if that kiss had meant as much to him as it had to you – if he’d felt, in that moment, what you had felt... For you, there was no longer any denying it. This man – this strange, dark, twisted little sweetheart of a man – had become incredibly important to you, to say the least. He was the one you called in a crisis, he was the first and only person you wanted when the world burned around you.  

And despite his anger at you, feeling like he’d never wanted to see you again, he’d come running immediately. 

You couldn’t help but watch him as your mind began working, thinking of all the reasons you liked having Mary around. For one, he was unapologetically himself; something you had always strived to be. Two, he had never once made you feel unsafe or looked at you like a piece of meat – even that night at the dive bar... He had a respect for you that men usually were void of. Three, he made you feel more beautiful and more desired every time you’d seen him than anybody ever had. Four, there was a softness he was allowing you to see, slowly peeling back the curtain you knew he kept drawn to others. And five – probably the most important to you right now – he came when you called. 

Guilt still stabbed at your chest while you lay there thinking of how this guy had showed up for you unlike anyone else. Maybe Mary had judged you, put you in the princess box like everybody else but at least he had still wanted you. Despite that, he wouldn’t have been afraid to walk hand in hand through the town centre with you, to be seen with you, to show people there was something between you. What you had done was arguably far, far worse.  

Not only had you stereotyped him – that would have left you on par, on a level playing field, at least – you had decided that your stereotype of him was that of a person you could never be seen with, that you would hide away in secret out of shame.  

Given that your father had cast you aside as quickly and easily as a candy wrapper, you wondered what you were doing that for now. Daddy’s image had been so important to you, but why? If he was so willing to throw you out of his town rather than see you happily doing something for yourself, then why on earth did you still give any kind of shit about him? You’d sacrificed so much of yourself over the years for your father, to the point where you really didn’t know who you were beneath the facade. He’d turned you into a little version of himself, shallow enough that you had treated perhaps the only authentic person you had ever had the pleasure to meet like shit.  

No more.  

“You’re a fuckin’ creep, doll,” Mary rumbled beneath you, his chest vibrating against your cheek and startling a jump out of you. You’d thought he was asleep; he certainly looked like it, his eyes still shut, and his body still comfortably limp beneath you. You stared at him for a moment, wondering if you’d imagined it, or maybe he’d spoken in his sleep... At least, until his lips quirked up into a smug little smirk."

-The Mayor's Daughter, Chapter 5 (In Progress...)

63: Something you hate to see in smut

Funnily enough, there's two phrases I try my hardest not to use when I'm writing smut and those are "causing you/me/him/her/them to" and "making you/me/him/her/them" and it's just because they were used SO MUCH in wattpad style stories, they just take me out of the fantasy? They feel juvenile to me, and I think when I avoid these phrases i end up finding alternatives to the way i write smut that make it so much better and smoother to read.

LIST OF QUESTIONS HERE 🖤

ASK BOX HERE 🖤

[deathlygristly]

Sometimes I read posts and comment and tags on here and I wonder if I am maybe very stupid and always wrong and should never speak or write again.

Then I keep reading and I realize it's just that the commenters are coming from a very different position and experiences with the world and others and I guess maybe a very different neurotype than I am.

The current example, under a readmore because long and probably boring to other people but writing things out helps me organize my thoughts:

I am reading a blog by a person who has interesting thoughts and who I can learn things from but who frequently uses very authoritarian/absolutist language. It was good to see balanced anons calling that out, like yeah sometimes you write cool stuff but you can also be arrogant about it. So I was primed to question my feelings of being horribly ignorant and always wrong more than I usually am.

I came upon a post about how people who have power and use it to hurt others aren't "evil" and it's wrong to say that. I tend to think it's morally wrong to hurt others, so I was like, huh, am I looking at things horribly wrong and being terribly ignorant and stupid again? So I read the comments and reblogs and tags to see what other people thought.

The main issue seemed to be heading off people who think in absolutist terms, like these people are Good and those people are Evil, and so they might want to keep current systems that cause misery but just put people they consider Good at the top of the systemic hierarchy. But instead of just tackling that head on and directly saying hey, systemic issues won't be changed that much by just changing the figureheads, the OP and the people agreeing with them were saying no, we have to say it in this other more abstract indirect not related at all at first glance way that will confuse people and alienate them and maybe make them feel shame if they aren't already part of our ingroup and understand everything about our worldview. And we have to say it in this more complicated way because maybe if they think of people as Good or Evil then they might think systemic issues could be solved by changing the figureheads and we don't want them to think that, and confusing possibly shaming language is the way to keep them from thinking that?

Like I say often, when I was nine years old I read every book the local library had on the Holocaust. It's always been fairly clear to me that the Nazis were people. Back in the day I used to try to argue something that seemed close to the OP’s and commenters’ actual position - that the Nazis were humans doing human things, not monsters doing monster things that no human would ever do, and that you can in fact find yourself doing those same things if you don't watch out for it.

It's just that I also think that participating in genocide is actually an immoral thing to do. And even if you don't enjoy it and you don't like killing massive numbers of other humans, it still says something about your morality that you consider whatever "incentives" are drawing you towards participating in genocide as more important than not murdering millions of people.

And I don't know that saying "People who participate in genocide don't actually want to cause enormous suffering and trauma and death, they're just following incentives! And obviously you are very immature and very wrong and stupid if you think the camp guards and commandants were not good people!" is going to help you convince people that more work is needed to prevent genocide than just replacing the most powerful person in the group committing the genocide with a person the person you're talking to considers to be a good upright moral citizen.

I don't know. At dinner tonight I was talking to the spousal person about this and about how lately I'm trusting myself more and feeling less shame about takes I see online and realizing that lots of people on the internet are just some guy talking random shit, and he laughed and patted me on the head.

[v-arbellanaris]

oh God this is gonna come off sounding so hostile but I promise it's a genuine question sjfjsksks but you have a tabris that spares Loghain iirc right? how did they reconcile the whole slaver thing with finding comradery and/or loving him?

(the slavery in the alienage thing is something I usually just. make not happen in my canon because it feels like it was lazily tacked on to make the Loghain issue more "morally grey" even though it was already, (which I wouldn't put past them even in dao, did you know they straight up call genocide morally grey on the back of the disc box?) and ended up just making the situation LACK in moral greyness actually, (and it just. doesn't really ever effect anything. the only purpose it serves is making you and ultimately (TO ME PERSONALLY) it makes Loghain more of a one dimensional villain, which doesn't interest me at all. this is all a very unnecessarily long winded way of saying the way other people handle the alienage situation is interesting to me because bioware did it badly and without weight ajfhjsksjsjs)

it doesn't sound hostile at all, so i'm more than happy to assume you asked this out of good faith as well! thank you for the ask, i DON'T get to talk about kal enough (<- talking about kal constantly for the past year)!!!!

yes, kal does spare loghain. and the reasoning behind why she does it, how she comes to live with what he did, etc, is sort of the kind of stuff i am exploring in my fic.

i can definitely understand why you went down that route! and i've definitely read metas and things like that, which do make similar arguments, and i suppose i did consider whether or not to retcon it, but ultimately, i didn't because:

loghain was a villain in dao. he can, should & does villainous things; he exists as an antagonistic force;

i don't want to cheapen the strong feelings fandom has about him. he's done horrific things, that's why he's such a polarising character, and the fact he can & does many horrible things and then tries to atone for them later is part of the draw for me;

ultimately, i felt like i should keep it in because it's somewhat out of character.

by the end of origins, loghain's headspace is in a place where he can justify selling fereldans into slavery - why? how do we unpack that?

(there's another point here entirely to be made about how often bioware invokes THEY'RE A SLAVER!!!!1!!! as the most easy knee-jerk way of getting people to identify A Villain/Bad Guy/They Used To Be Evil and shut down any discussion around it, and just how insulting - and white - that kind of narrative signalling is, but that feels like another point entirely.)

to be clear: i say somewhat out of character because i don't think his prejudice against elves comes out of nowhere; it's there, in undertones, even in the stolen throne - the way he talks about the elven guy in their group in the beginning, and i personally believe, his suspicion/treatment of katriel is also related to this. he does not really consider elves ferelden the way he's ferelden, or maric is ferelden, or anora is ferelden, and it shows in this instance. (as a sidenote, i am always wondering how much of his loyalty to ferelden is entirely nationalism/patriotism and how much of it is to do with this is the thing maric cares about. this is the thing maric gave so much of himself for. this is all that's left of maric; i have to defend it at any cost. because that also has suchhhh great implications for his morality as a whole.)

so, how does kal come to terms with it? i suppose, in part, sparing loghain at all is part of her trying to come to terms with what he did, and to look past it - for herself, for anora, for the wardens and ferelden as a whole. i don't think it's an easy road for her by any stretch of the imagination, and early on, i don't think loghain's apparent lack of remorse/annoyance about the whole thing helps. i.e., when she demands remorse from him, he dismisses it as how he has bigger things to have nightmares about, as if the elven lives he's ruined are nothing in comparison to that. but he doesn't dodge accountability about it, even if he wasn't hand-delivering people to tevinter or howe was overlooking the entire project, he doesn't dodge that he was the one responsible for it.

but their relationship grows, and changes, out of necessity. loghain should be entirely willing to let kal make the sacrifice and kill the archdemon and die doing it, but he does the dark ritual, which saves her life. loghain is there for her and with her as they fight through denerim, and he's right there next to her when she kills the archdemon - she's not alone. loghain works with her, reassures her, supports her. and even then, i think she's got a very careful wall around herself, wary that he still thinks less of her.

kal ended up being a very strange mirror of loghain, in retrospect (it was entirely unintentional, i assure you); there's discomfort and shame for him, realising that he (and the human nobility at large) play the same role in her life that orlais played in his. they've both outlived their narratives, their uses and purposes, and they're both left together to try and figure out how to piece a life out of what's left. trying to apologise for what happened before won't mean anything for either of them, because it doesn't erase or fix what happened; it's already too late to make any kind of sweeping change that could be necessary for elves to show his remorse, too late to go back and change the laws to show that He's Different. her forgiveness is irrelevant because she's not even the one he wronged, not really, and in the same way he can't undo ostagar, he can't undo what he did to the alienage.

and i think ... like, in kal's canon specifically, she puts bhelen on the throne in orzammar and pushes to preserve the anvil. she fights and kills caridin. she knows bhelen will use the casteless dwarves to fight against the darkspawn; she can more or less predict exactly where the souls for the golems are going to come from. with the kind of poverty that casteless dwarves live under, any "choice" given to them about it is an illusion and frankly, a joke. but the dwarves of orzammar are not her concern. orzammar needs golems but more importantly, the grey wardens need golems. she makes the choice to preserve the anvil, knowing full well the potential & capability bhelen has to abuse it, knowing the cost. in the end, is she really any different? so she comes to reconcile it because she understands it. she hates that she does, but she understands how easy it is for right and wrong to become so muddy when you're driven by pure desperation.

idk if this answered your question? i think there's a lot of complicated factors involved, and not one easy simple moment where she goes yep! im over it! i don't even think it's a linear progress between the two of them, but it's a closeness hardwon.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary307

7/22-23/24

monday - tuesday

did not finish the drawing... or i kinda did.

but i have to do all the extra stuff w/ it, the writing bit and then i wanna do a little collage thingy on it as well. i'll do that tomorrow because i need to wake up earlier tomorrow. i slept fine last night, basically.

anyway,,, today was mostly us going out, we got more korean food... it was very good, and we hung out with our friend, before he went off to a movie. we went to one of those claw machine places... idk if in other parts of the country they're popping off but there's a bunch showing up here, they're kind of like, i guess another sort of gambling, so they fit in perfectly here. anyway, i won my gf a tiny thing, and then she got a little thing as well, so 2 stuff animals, the thing i got was this bizarre shin-chan wearing a bunny suit knockoff thing from china. she got a weird drainer looking cat. i'll take a pic of that at some point and put it here. maybe tomorrow but we'll see, we're also going out tomorrow. i could just forget. i've got selfies from today too... but that will wait until whenever. and then even after tomorrow, we're going to a movie on friday, we're gonna go see showgirls, which i am excited for,,, i kind of expect it to be genius, lots of friends say that about it, i think, if memory servesss.

we also went for milk tea, and a lot of rich tourists showed up, the plaza we were in seemed kind of bougie, i guess, it was weird because 1) i've never even been into anywhere in that plaza my whoooole life, it's right by the palms casino, and 2) everything there seems so new and redone, it really felt like a random spurt of los angeles, and then right on the way home, i saw a guy with a selfie stick recording a yt video. mental... also in the tea place, we were sitting, these tourists were staring at us in that spot, and then when we left, they like rushed right at us, one of them almost ran into my gf. like there is no need to go that crazy. freaks. one of them had miu miu sunglasses too.

we talked about my gf's brother today... mostly just that he is very difficult to be around, our friend hung out with him recently, trying to make him feel less lonely, and was immediately reminded of why no one wants to hang out with him, because 'saying what's on your mind' and 'having no filter' aren't actually admirable traits. a filter really just means you're able to think about others, rather than imagine you know them so well you can do their thinking for them, by speaking your thoughts out hoping for them to absorb them.

we didn't talk about him too much but it's just a strange situation, the life he lives, and his loneliness. i wonder if there's a lot of people like this who never really get this sense that they could become more pleasant to be around, if this has anything to do with people's loneliness, if there really is any kind of loneliness epidemic. i do notice online even, people who purport to be like... geniuses... around the people i know, they use the word "polymath" somewhat often, as a desired thing to be, something they're aiming for, and really they're just so insecure and reactive to all things, very fragile egos, it is sad, they're also like self conscious about it without really doing much about it other than thinking they could anticipated people's feelings and try to explain why they feel like that and then, idk, whatever, i really don't get how they approach interactions. maybe i should just not be around people like that. i mean yeah. but i feel bad at the same time. like... i dunno. how do you tell people they don't really know people that well. like, that they aren't really a good judge of character. who knows. those talks maybe are just impossible, confronting people isn't really what works. it's just about trying to be there with them through that stuff. but some people are so willful about not listening. maybe i'm like that? i dunno. i hope not. i try to not be. but who knows really.

anyway, listening to this atm:

but i gotsa sleep... szszszszsooooo:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hermywolf]

genuinely just wondering about ur view on things. how do u deal with the show drawing parallels between hughie and butcher's little brother while shipping butchie? not trying to be mean bc i used to kinda sorta like to ship them but when the parallels got so blatant i found i couldn't anymore

okay so i'd like to preface this by saying that contrary to, like, annie and hughie, whom i'll riot if they don't end up together, i wouldn't want butcher and hughie to actually be together on screen, especially after s3 since they're clearly sticking with the brotherly love thing. personally i started shipping them in s1 when there was nothing showing that butcher saw hughie as a brother-- or that he had a brother at all. i don't mind letting them do their lenny parallels in the show while having my own personal version/interpretation of their relationship separate of the course the show is taking, just like i'll keep believing kimiko and frenchie are love interests even if the show truly decides to make them platonic going forward. that being said,

i honestly think they introduced the lenny thing because butcher and hughie were getting a little too homoerotic in s2, so they needed to no homo things, and it ended up being a compelling storyline so they went with it in s3. they've done the 'no guys its not gay because it's BROTHERLY love actually' thing with half the popular tumblr gay ships anyway, including destiel. it seems its most writers's go-to technique to try to no homo a deeply homoerotic relationship

there's also the fact that as much as they'll parallel hughie to lenny they also often parallel him to becca, butcher's literal wife, and they often group hughie's relationship with butcher with his relationships with robin and annie, his two canonical love interests. im personally choosing to understand this as butcher just putting hughie in the 'people i love' category, and the people in there so far were just lenny and becca, so he compares him to both of them.

(also if they really want hughie to be exclusively like a brother to butcher sure they shouldn't parallel him to his wife so much but also mayyybe they should tone it down a bit with the sexual innuendos. we can attribute the 'how hard did butcher suck your dick' thing to soldier boy's general homophobia, but why the FUCK would they make butcher tell hughie 'when this is all over i'll buy you a bottle of top shelf lube and tickle your balls until you beg me to stop' if they wanted them to seem 'brotherly' lmao)

plus, since apparently kimiko and frenchie, who had a full falling in love three season long storyline and kissed twice, are apparently not romantic and more like family or siblings according to kripke, im gonna go ahead and ignore his general opinion on things and relationships in the show