#I understand they hurt you. I understand you're afraid and alone. and you are justified. but it doesnt make it better

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

watching The Dragon Prince is incredibly painful. it's just character after character saying "I'm justified because I'm doing it for the people I love"

[byunpum]

Mama's Boy | Part 5

Pair: Jake x neytiri x human reader (trio couple) x sully children's

Warning: cozy moments, conflict, family problems

Note: I hope you like this part, the next one is gonna be the final part...Thank you sooo much!! btw I recently opened a KO-Fi…. if you want to leave any tips or support I would appreciate it (it would help me to buy real coffee xD).

AVATAR MASTERLIST | Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6(final)

The previous day's argument was very intense. Leaving the family in a very delicate state. Even you decided to sleep alone in a kind of bed you made. You were so upset with jake, you couldn't understand why he was like that with lo'ak. Sometimes you thought Jake was ashamed of lo'ak…ashamed that you were his mother. You had been sitting quietly in the marui all day, still feeling a little bad. You were taking care of tuk, the girl was by your side. Making a necklace for you, while she was telling you everything she did in the morning. "Love be careful…you can hurt yourself" you help tuk with the needle she was using. At that, you can see how jake enters the marui, he had a basket full of fish. Looking quickly at you, walking towards where he used to leave the food that had to be prepared. You decide to ignore him, and be playful with tuk.

"baby…can we talk?" asks jake, the man had approached you, sitting down next to you. You on the other hand were acting like he wasn't there. You look up, and sigh loudly. "Tuk honey, why don't you let mommy and daddy talk alone" you help the girl pick up her materials, and wait for her to come out of the marui doing some jumping jacks. You smile a little to see how happy tuk was, oblivious to what was going on. "Tell me?" you speak, looking at jake waiting for him to start talking. "Is it true that you are thinking of leaving? "jake looks at you, you could tell he was worried. It was too dangerous for you to go back to the jungle. The RDA was looking for Jake, and when Jake's name was on the line his whole family was involved. The months you had to be alone, you never left the lab.

"I see neytiri told you everything" you say, trying not to make eye contact with him. "Love…we can fix this" Jake touches your hand, but you push him away. "Jake it's not with me that you have to fix things, it's with your son. Your behavior towards him…it's terrible." You speak, trying to hold back your tears. "Y/n you're misunderstanding things I" jake speaks, but is interrupted when you turn around and are now looking directly at him. "Jake… I have a question for you, what does neteyam like the most?" you ask. "A-ahh he likes hunting, he likes to ride his ikran. He's also a great talker," says jake.

"Okay, now tell me what lo'ak likes?" you speak up, knowing jake wouldn't answer quickly like the other question. Jake gets nervous, looking around for a moment. "He likes…he likes being with his brother. " jake speaks timidly, watching as your eyebrows draw together in anger. "Lo'ak likes to ride around and investigate things. He loves to practice with his bow, he likes to spend time with his sister kiri and all he looks forward to is his father telling him he did a great job" you were already very annoyed.

"I know…" jake speaks softly. Shaking his head, look embarrassed. "Jake your sons are not soldiers…they are children. Children who need love and attention from their father. Neteyam is not the only one here who needs to be trained. Lo'ak too, he needs you to treat him with respect and love. What does it cost you to do that?" you speak, watching as jake pulled his knees up to his chest. Becoming more like a little ball. "I just…want them to be strong and …. I'm afraid they'll be weak and won't be able to survive this chaos we live in" jake tries to explain. And yes, he was a little bit right. But that didn't justify the preference he had over neteyam. "Jake, I know all that" you wave your hands all around you. "This is all chaos, I know this isn't our home. I know what we're going through, but what does lo'ak have to do with it? Why can't you treat him like you treat kiri or neteyam or tuk? What did he do to you?" you speak, getting up from the floor. You had to walk, because the rage was consuming you. You hated it when jake tried to avoid trouble. Telling you smith answers to distract you. "He didn't do anything" jake follows you with his eyes.

"I feel like sometimes you just treat him like that, because he came from me. Because he's not completely na'vi." You had tears in your eyes, you didn't know why you were so sentimental. Even though this situation always broke your heart, you wanted lo'ak to feel loved. "Y/n never say that… this has nothing to do with you being his mother" jake in one swift movement. He takes your arm, to pull you closer to him. "I wouldn't ask for another mother for my son, you are an excellent mother" jake lets his head lay on your chest. He is silent for a moment, you didn't want to keep arguing with him. You loved your family, you loved jake, you hated being upset with him. "Lo'ak is how I was…he is so much like the stupid jake who betrayed and endangered people he cared about. That stupid jake got innocent people killed" jake speaks, you knew he was talking about grace. She had been so important to you.

You take jake's face in your hands, pulling his face up so he could look you in the eye. "But that stupid jake was the one who saved a whole clan, that stupid jake is strong and brave. That stupid jake was the one I fell in love with" you speak softly. Tears streamed down Jake's cheeks. "I want you to be the person that stupid Jake needed, for lo'ak. He needs you…" you speak, feeling jake hug you. You both stand there for a moment. "I don't want him to make mistakes that he'll regret later," jake says. "He'll get in trouble if you don't help…try to be a better parent to him. That's all I ask of you" you start walking away from jake. Picking up some things tuk had left on the ground, you go to look for the girl.

"Do you think you would have been happy if instead of me, tom was the one in this body?" jake asks you. You knew this was tormenting Jake. You had been tom's girlfriend just before he went to earth. And there he was murdered. When jake came to the RDA and took tom's place. For you it was a big shock, Jake was just like your ex-boyfriend, but so different at the same time. You had to admit that Jake was the only thing that kept you sane those months. Not to mention the relationship that formed between the two of you. Jake allowed you to see neytiri again and get closer to the clan. Jake could be a fool, but the fool you liked the most. The rest is history.

You turn around before leaving the marui, tears in your eyes. "Believe it or not, I am very happy…but I wish your insecurities didn't affect this family" you speak, walking out of the marui leaving jake alone with his thoughts. You liked that Jake opened up to you, but you would like to see him try to improve his relationship with his children. Because it wasn't just lo'ak, neteyam was also affected by jake's treatment. You pause for a moment, taking a deep breath and wiping away your tears. You calm down a bit, and start looking for tuk. Luckily for you, the girl wasn't far away. She was sitting with neteyam playing.

You approach the children, see how they look at you and their eyes light up. "Hello" you greet them, sitting down next to tuk. "Look my love, you forgot these things" you hand the things to tuk. The little girl thanks you, she didn't dare to come back for them. "Thank you mommy" tuk says, now sitting on your lap. You can feel neteyam's eyes glued to you, he knew things were not good between his parents. The news that you were likely to leave had destroyed him. Neteyam could be strong, and always be by Jake and Neytiri's side. But you were his refuge, where he could go and be a child again. If he was to be judged for a second. "Mom?" neteyam speaks to you, you look at him quickly. "Mmm?" you are helping tuk, when you feel neteyam sit down next to you. "Is it true that you are going to go and leave us?" neteyam speaks waiting for you to answer. "Mom? You are going to leave us?" yells tuk. You sigh, you had gone through a pretty strong disappointment a few minutes ago and you wanted to control yourself.

"Where did you hear that neteyam?" you look at the boy, you thought you had argued in private, but you guess your screams were too loud. "We heard it by accident, I promise" neteyam gets nervous, but you hold his hand to calm him down. "mom if you go…can I come with you?" neteyam was getting sentimental, you caress his face a little. Laughing a little and tapping your arms to give him support. "I'm not going anywhere…but if I did. Of course you can go with me." You speak, watching as neteyam pouts. You joke a little, in order to change the topic. You didn't like them getting involved in adult issues, you knew they had been through a lot. At such a young age.

It wasn't long before you started to feel a little dizzy. You tried to hold your child tighter in your lap, but you felt like you were about to throw up. Never having felt like this before. You push tuk a little so that the girl slips out of your lap, placing your hands on your stomach, you were in a lot of pain. Neteyam noticed this, and quickly began to help you. "What's wrong mom?" neteyam holds your shoulders. The vomiting was something you couldn't help, and you swore you were emptying yourself alive. neteyam held you so you wouldn't mess yourself up. "Mom!" the boy whines, he has never seen you like this before. It was so strong that as soon as you recover, your sight goes blank.

You start to get up, you could hear some voices around you. You didn't open your eyes yet, but you could distinguish them. One was from neytiri, and the other was from ronal. You could feel some warm things on your body, and some parts were wet. You start to become conscious, opening your eyes a little at a time. "Ma Y/n!!!" neytiri sounded so happy, she had a nice smile on her face. On the other hand, ronal was moving away from your body. You could tell she looked exhausted. "What happened?" you try to get up, but you barely had any strength. "You fainted again and neteyam warned us" neytiri explains, stroking your hair. Something seemed curious about neytiri, she was supposed to be worried and she looked so happy. "You are sick…you need to rest and take medicine" said Ronal, the woman was already looking in some containers for the herbs to prepare the medicine you had to take. The more you woke up you realized that you were in the marui that Ronal used to take care of the sick na'vi. "And the children?" you look weakly at neytiri. "They are with Jake, don't worry," Neytiri speaks, settling in closer to your side.

You rest a little, but you feel how Ronal starts to remove the towels that were warm before. Drying your exposed skin a bit. He had been using compresses and hot towels to try to get you up. "The medicine is a little strong, but it won't hurt the baby," says Ronal, holding out a jar of carracol. Your eyes widen in surprise, what the hell was this woman talking about, pregnant? This woman is crazy. "Baby? No, I'm not pregnant" you speak, now you had recovered all your strength. You were surprised. You look at neytiri, but she had a look that was worrying you. "ney" you push her a little, you needed her to speak. "Y/N I thought you are…since the symptoms" neytiri can't contain her joy. "Plus we did an abdominal test and we could feel something" ronal looks at you, handing you the drink. You are confused, and now you were about to vomit at the news. How could that be possible, you were sure you weren't pregnant.

Hey, you and Jake had been together. Well…ever since you had joined the clan. You two hadn't kept your hands off each other. Well… the three of you. You were sure neytiri knew you weren't pregnant. The idea of having a baby doesn't enter your head, not now that the atmosphere is so tense. You take the drink, you notice how Ronal is watching you. Making sure you take all the medicine. "Ahh it's disgusting" you complain. Listening to neytiri laugh, you liked seeing her like that. It's been a long time since you've seen her this happy, it was genuine happiness. "Well…I'll let you rest here. I'll come by later and check on you" ronal gets up from the floor, and walks out of the marui. Leaving you and neytiri alone. You were exhausted, but you can feel neytiri touch your stomach. Causing you to look at her with surprise. "We will have another baby ma y/n" neytiri smiles. "But when?" you had many questions, when you found out you were pregnant with lo'ak it was because norm did a test on you. But now it had been a natural test that na'vi women did to find out if they were pregnant. "I think it was the day at the beach" neytir laughs a little, blushing. You start to remember and you want to curl into a ball. You were scared, really scared.

"Hey, don't be scared. I'll be right here with you. And we've been looking for this for so many years," says Neytiri. And she was right, it got to the stage where the pregnancies were more about the two of you. They were very intimate between you and Neytiri. You wanted to be in on the whole process, including the excitement of being pregnant. It would build on the bonds that would be formed with the children. "I know…but this news is very unexpected…and even more so now that I want to kill Jake," you say. ""You haven't talked?"" asks neytiri, she wanted this to be resolved. "Ney…I need him to be a better father to lo'ak and you know I'm right" you speak. Neytiri is thoughtful for a moment, she knew you were right, and she would support you in whatever decision you make. And even more so at this moment. "Well, I'm going to let you rest. Ronal said he would come later. I'll come later." neytiri wanted to break the news to everyone in the family. A baby was big news for her, and she knew everyone would be happy. Giving you a soft kiss, and another on the palms of her hands. You swear you saw Neytiri jump a little in happiness, her tail wagging from side to side and the smile on her face was beautiful. You lay back on the comfortable bed and closed your eyes. You had to rest, otherwise you were going to die of madness.

"Ok, but you have to cut it like this" jake was with lo'ak. The man had decided to go looking for his son after the argument he had with you. Inviting him to go fishing, obviously this was a strange thing for lo'ak to do. But spending the afternoon with his father was making him very happy. Lo'ak was cleaning the fish as jake told him to, looking carefully at the instructions. "And what do I do with this?" lo'ak points with disgust, at the fish's stomach. "Remove it…that's disgusting" jake mimics lo'ak's wince as they both laughed. It was a very nice moment for both of them, jake had to admit that he had missed a lot of moments with lo'ak. While lo'ak and jake were busy, kiri, neteyam and tuk were sitting somewhere in the corner of the marui talking and playing with each other. When they noticed how their mother came in with a happiness. "I have good news," said neytiri.

"How is mom!!!" lo'ak gets up quickly, running to neytiri. "she's fine…but" neytiri pauses, walking over to jake to sit next to him. "What's wrong, she's supposed to just be sick at her stomach" jake says. The last he heard from you, neteyam had taken you to see ronal. And that you had a lot of stomach pain. "It's not a bad thing…come here everybody, come on!" neytiri makes the signal for everyone in the family to come over. Everyone sits around, neytiri looked so excited. "This is so big for this family… Y/N is expecting a baby" neytiri sounds the news, jake gets so excited he hugs neytiri right away. "No way!!!" shouts kiri hugging tuk and the little girl was already very excited. "Another sully to the family" says neteyam, excited. But apparently the news had not gone down well with everyone, "WHAT?" Lo'ak literally screams, capturing her parents' attention. "Lo'ak what's wrong?" neytiri is now confused, this is supposed to be a big surprise.

"Why is mom going to have a baby? She can't have one!!!" Lo'ak was getting a little upset. This was a jealous reaction, and neytiri and jake could tell. "hey lo'ak I need you to calm down" jake tries to calm him down. But the boy stands up in annoyance, getting out of the marui. "Lo'ak needs to stop having tantrums, he's too old to be having these dramas" kiri says. Neytiri taps her knee, kiri complains. Everyone in the family knows how lo'ak was with you, everything that had to do with you affected lo'ak twice as much. Jake was about to get up and go talk to the boy. But he feels neteyam's hand stop him. "Dad…I'll talk to him" says neteyam. Jake looks quickly at neytiri, who signals him to let his brother go get him. Neteyam gets up from the ground and leaves the marui to look for his brother. It doesn't take him long to find him, he was relatively close. Lo'ak was sitting in the sand, he could tell he was crying.

"Little brother…you're jealous" says neteyam. Listening as lo'ak whined. "What do you want you idiot!!!" lo'ak grudgingly replies to neteyam. But neteyam ignores him, laughing and sitting down next to him. "I know you must be feeling jealous," says neteyam. Lo'ak rolls his eyes in white. He didn't want to be messing around with neteyam, sometimes he could be very annoying. "You know…when you were born I felt a little jealous, but when tuk was born I must admit I couldn't help but feel very jealous. Our moms were with her all the time and didn't pay attention to us. " said neteyam. "Yes, but my mom has always paid attention to me" lo'ak says sounding a bit smug. Neteyam laughs, he had to admit that his little brother looked adorable. "And she's always going to love you, I'm the big brother. And having to share everything…but the love mama has for you is special and no one will ever change it," Neteyam speaks. Lo'ak is silent, neteyam stands up and taps his brother on the shoulder. Stepping away to let him think for a moment.

That same afternoon…

You were already up, and it was getting dark. You had to admit that you were pretty bored. Ronal was taking longer than usual. You wanted to be home, you felt a little better. And now that you knew you were sick and the pregnancy symptoms were making it worse, you felt somewhat reassured. Although the news of your pregnancy was not something you were very happy about. Sure, you were happy to have a baby. You had waited for this opportunity for so long, but it had to happen right now. Just now when the situation with lo'ak was very active.

You were so wrapped up in your own thoughts, that you didn't notice when Ronal entered the marui. The woman can see that you were a bit lost. "The news of the baby surprises you, doesn't it? Because it does to me," says Ronal, putting some things she brought to refill. You look at her a little startled, and became a little alert at the tone of Ronal's voice. You weren't friends, and ronal tolerated you and treated you well because tonowari told her to. "Yes…it's a surprise," you say. Trying not to sound awkward. "It seems kind of unreal to me…that one" Ronal scans you up and down. "Human is pregnant, I have doubts even with your supposed child" ronal speaks, she could be quite direct. She didn't mind hurting other people's feelings. "Excuse me?" you get more comfortable in your bed. "Don't take this the wrong way…but it's weird" ronal chuckles a little. You decide to ignore her, you didn't want to argue because you still felt a little bad.

Ronal prepared more medicine for you to take in the next few days. Supposedly some food had made you sick. After several days you are supposed to be left with only the symptoms of pregnancy. She might be a little mean, but she wouldn't hurt you. You get up carefully, leaving Marui. Ronal all this time had been making uncalled for comments about you and your child. But at no time did you want to answer him, you didn't want to cause trouble. "Hey by the way" Ronal starts talking. You stop, and look back.

"I heard you wanted to go back to the jungle…and you know what" Ronal laughs again to herself. You didn't understand what you had done to this woman, but she seemed to hate you. "I think it would be best for your family. Even for that child…lo'ak. When you weren't here, we barely heard the sully. And as far as I can see all you've done is mess everything up around here," Ronal says, turning to continue working. You sigh, you weren't going to give her the pleasure of her seeing you cry, getting out of that marui as fast as you could. Back to the familiar marui, you couldn't help but get Ronal's words out of your head, maybe she was right. Maybe they were better off without you. And now you had one more problem.

P.s The reason I wrote that the reader was pregnant is that the original request asked for two children. Lo'ak and the baby on the way. Second, the reader is still upset with jake, but I wanted to fix things up a bit. Because I want it to focus more on the relationship between lo'ak and his mom.

Tag: @baybaybear1@hoodiepandaninja16@teyyyteyyy@anika-rose-walker@victoria2054@raviolisblog@jessi-dan@neteyams-wh0re@jimfiqs@bitchykittenconnoisseur@chershire23@holynightnacho@danilezilla@thepotatoislost @esposadomd @ratchetprime211 @juneonhoth

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[demonqueenart]

Evie, hi! First of all I want to thank you for spending your time and energy to write all those answers and posts. I'm amazed that you're still able to keep them understanding and kind, which makes it much easier to have this conversation. Thank you!

Your frustration with DnP's lack of reaction is justified and the next thing I'm about to say isn't me coming up with excuses on their behalf or telling you to stop talking about it. It just hurts to see a kind and gentle person like you get upset, so I'm trying to give some consolation, but I'm not too good at that, so sorry in advance if I fuck it up.

Please have patience. Not for their sake, for your own. We won't stop trying to make them acknowledge the racism, but it might take some time. Since their comeback our way of interacting with DnP has been kind of a black box - we talk about stuff on different platforms and then they suddenly mention it. So we know they saw us talking, but we don't know exactly when.

The last 2 weeks have been pure chaos: the leak, the rushed announcement, the wrong dates in the promo, the venues not giving enough info or giving wrong info. After tickets went on sale they only had 4 days before they fucked off to have their just-the-two-of-us-ranch-ingredients vacation.

What I'm trying to say is: their current silence doesn't necessarily mean that they saw us talking and chose to ignore it. Maybe they haven't seen it yet, maybe they are thinking about what to do and what to say. Also, unfortunately white people do need a bit of time to go from "this is an unreasonable attack, I'm not a bad person and they are just haters" to "it's not an attack, it's reasonable criticism and I was being the asshole this whole time". I went through this process myself (and you were the one who helped me understand). Sorry it took me that long.

This isn't me saying it's fine that they haven't addressed anything so far - it's not. Just please don't give up hope yet. They listened to us when it came to Palestine, I'm sure they'll listen now too.

Oh, and ignore all the fuckers who are telling you to either leave or shut up. You make the phandom a better and kinder space. I want you here and many others do too. Plus it's not like anyone gets to gatekeep the community in the first place. You have the right to be here.

From beautiful hellscape with love 💜

Anon 🥹 I felt so cared for because of you. Thank you so much 🫂🫂💞💞 I always want this space to be gentle and kind, even when I’m hurt and angry, I still want to understand where everyone is coming from. I believe that everyone deserves to have their voice being heard. Even when our voices clash and don’t always go together, we can still come to a new understanding, try to mend and build a bridge together. Fighting isn’t always the end of things, it’s when two sides trying to express how unfair the situation is so that they can come together.

And of course, you’re right. They might be quite busy as you’ve pointed out, it doesn’t always mean they’re not going to do anything. I think why I assumed for the worst is because this is very much a new territory for them to cross. They have never brought up their racist remarks, never tried to address or take accountability in things. I’m just afraid it’ll end up just like any other time before.

But having you speaking this to me have reassured that I’m not fighting alone in this. In some way or the other, I have cultivated the most understanding and generous people of all who’re willing to support me during the toughest time, and for that, I’m so grateful. Thank you for reaching out and giving me some consolation to reassure me. Your words will not be wasted :) Thank you so much for everything 🫂🫂💖💖

[ikamigami]

Oh I want to yell at Nexus so badly, him talking about how his family didn't love him when they all did, "Sun was grieving the brother he killed" and yet Sun loved Nexus more than Moon and admitted that more than once, "Lunar was just missing the old me" Lunar never indicated he missed Moon more and it's only when Nexus went off the deep end that he got angry, "Earth was only being nice to fulfill a purpose because dad didn't love her" she wanted to help everyone because she's a kind person and she loved Nexus more than anything hence why the two were so vulnerable with one another, I am glad Solar had the reasonable response to that nonsense but I am anticipating certain people twisting this the wrong way, especially with Nexus's whole "you're the only one I cared about Solar", since that's an argument a lot of people make to justify Nexus, how Solar didn't compare Nexus to Moon

Ha ha ha ha ha 🤣

I only want to laugh at Nexus' attempts at lying to himself that he never cared about anyone beside Solar..

He cared..

But also I really don't believe him.. cause why he didn't say that he will kill Sun? 🤨

I get it most of you probably don't see it like that.. and that's fine..

I don't mind being in the tiny itty bitty group of people who are sure that Nexus still cares about Sun.. (I said group of people cause hey! I think that I'm not the only one who thinks that, right?)

Also I'm proud of Solar and I'm glad that I was hoping that he'll react the way he did.. cause I'm serious that I'd lost every bit of respect towards him if he sided with Nexus.. 😬

Also wow Sun can sense star energy now? Or maybe.. just maybe he can sense Nexus cause he's also his Moon? :)

But I agree with you, dear anon and I'm afraid that you're right that certain fans will twist this situation into something else.. 😮‍💨

And also well.. no one is really comparing Nexus to Moon that much.. I remember Monty doing it..

And well Sun didn't mean to compare them and in fact he wasn't comparing them but I'm not surprised why Nexus felt like he was..

But the truth is.. we can't blame Sun for this.. because it's not his fault that he was grieving and that couldn't explain himself when no one allowed him and that no one helped him with trauma caused by Moon back then..

I think that in situations like that.. it just happened.. it wasn't Sun's fault.. and it wasn't Nexus' fault that he had existential crisis because it's understandable considering circumstances..

Things just happen sometimes..

Nothing justify Nexus' actions though.. because like I said.. he wasn't even lashing out..

And even if he might have been more cold and uncaring because of psychotic episode or something like that.. it doesn't justify him almost killing Earth..

Also cause I almost forgot.. it's obvious that it hurt him that Sun locked him in the cell.. but Nexus doesn't know full story.. cause Sun never planned on leaving him there alone.. and he'd definitely visit him again if it wasn't for Puppet, Foxy and Monty.. and I'm sure that if Sun knew better way to stop Nexus from trying to do something bad he'd do that..

Because I get it that locking Nexus wasn't the best idea.. and that it made Nexus' mental state worse.. but I swear that Sun wouldn't do that if he had better idea.. or if anyone else would help him..

I understand Nexus' feelings.. but it doesn't justify his actions..

And I can't wait for the day when he'll realize that he screwed up big time.. but not in a way that "oh I know that I did bad" but that he'll regret it and finally start getting some help.. and also atone for what he's done..

But the thing is that we don't know what VAs planned for Nexus.. but we shall see I guess..

[caxycreations]

To everyone I haven't talked to in a while

And especially to those I tag

I have not been talking with y'all much, and I'm sorry.

I wish I had some big, grand excuse that justified it and made everything okay.

I wish I had the words to make you all smile and forgive me and feel better.

But there is no excuse.

There are no special words like that.

So I'll settle for explaining it, and if you want to forgive me or forget me, it's up to you, and there will be no hard feelings held towards you for it.

I am forgetful. I am forgetful, and I follow my whims, and I follow what is most directly presented to me. I am focused on one thing or another at all times, and I recognize that hurts some relationships more than others.

It's something I've been trying to fix for years and can't seem to sustain for very long. None of you are obligated or expected to put up with it, or to try and maintain a friendship with me if you don't feel I'm putting in the effort needed for it.

What I will say, however, is that on my end, just because I'm not reaching out doesn't mean I'm unavailable to you. If you were my friend once, you'll be a friend in my eyes til I stop drawing breath. My friendship doesn't decay, it doesn't have dues that need paying, there's no conditions to my support or my love.

If you need me, if you need a shoulder to cry on, if you need someone to yell at or scream to or hit or vent or just *talk with* so you're not alone for the day, you are 100% always welcome to come to me.

I may not be the best option. But if I'm the option you want to take, or the last option, don't be afraid to reach out to tell me you need something, or that you want something. If I can provide it, I will, and if I can't, I'll sit with you and listen to what you need so that, at the very least, you aren't bottling it all up.

My life is a cycle of hyperfixated relationships and bonds on the backburner, but absolutely none of you are forgotten or beyond my attention. I am, and always will be, a single text away.

And if you need me, I will pick up right where we left off, and show you the same care and love that I never stopped feeling for any of you.

But if you feel it's not worth it, if you feel spurned or abandoned or unwanted, I understand, and I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.

You don't have to invest your energy in anything that you don't want to.

Just know that at the end of the day, I do care about you all, and even if I never hear from any of you again, I will still find you on my mind once in a while, and I will still hope the best for you.

You are my friends.

Even if the feeling isn't mutual, even if you don't believe me, even if hearing it makes you angry

You are still my friends, in my heart.

@moremysteriesthantragedies @thetruearchmagos @filthymcnastyass @mikathewriter @a-scaly-troublemaker @shepardsherd @likegemstone @sithbelle @serafyyn @the-secondborn-of-seven @sleepywriter00

[yanderomantic]

thinking about my re7 self inserts grooming. long rambles

initially just the regular grooming which families as a whole do; without sexual intent; but which coerces you into playing a role. there's catharsis in analyzing my own nonsexual grooming through the lens of the bakers. (and there's Horniness to be found in sexualizing that dynamic of power with a fictional sadistic older brother)

lucas baker being the shithead of the family, the not quite outcast--the violent, troubled, punished child. jack baker being aware of the attic incident yet never letting it be of discussion, or processed, only ever allowing it on his concious when implicitly threatening lucas--keep the boy silent and afraid, he might not harm again. keep him close, under watch, abused. in check.

lucas being isolated within his own family, feared, demonized, (rightly so), abused, finding solace only in the blood that will listen--i doubt he was winning any lotteries in the social life department, not with his issues + trauma + general offputting vibe. his sister (zoe), being closer to his age, old enough to know better, old enough to know and have faced his own abuse--already hates his guts.

but a baby sister? 7 years younger? knows not much more than her blood, who's witnessed the abuse & has normalized it, who doesn't know better & has not had the time or understanding to process the flaws in her upbringing? who's desperate for love and connection and attention in this flawed family? it'd be so easy. so easy to take advantage of her naivety and forgiveness and desperation.

younger lucas who knows his own violence & knows he is feared for it, knows he is kept in check because even the most troubled boys can't help but fear the fist of their father--lonely, angry, probably a little confused on the complexities of why his taking of a life warrants the abuse whereas his father's violence is deemed justified & to be forgiven. complicated young lucas baker who at the end of the day doesn't understand why he can't be and isn't being forgiven. who has normalized violence & lacks the empathy that'd normally keep someone in check.

younger, complicated, alone, lucas who's entire family seems to hate him (bonus points for teenage angst & hyperbole) inevitably turning to his baby sister, young, forgiving, naive, who never questions her brothers violence because she is taught not to question her fathers.

beautiful circumstances to play favorites. to turn to her when alone, frustrated, needing to complain, vent. telling her she's your favorite sister, that zoe doesn't get it--could never get it, or get him. only charlie. charlie gets him better than anyone else. in fact, charlie, you're the only person I can trust. in this family or otherwise. i can tell you things I can't tell anyone else, you won't judge me or hate me, we're blood, we love each other no matter what--that's what family's for. everyone else is an asshole, a dumbass, a traitor. they hurt me, I'm so alone, you keep me sane, I don't know who id be without you, lucas n his baby sister against the world.

of course, the closer I get with lucas, the further in get from everyone else. especially zoe. zoe grows uncomfortable with my & lucas' relationship. she grows frustrated with me, defending him, we grow apart. jack is unsettled, relies on threats to keep lucas at bay--that's his thought process, at least. I think he'd focus more on babying me, spoiling me, trying to compensate for the 'corruption' that is growing close to lucas by 'keeping me pure.' maybe if he does enough to keep me happy, spoiled, young, it'll offset whatever garbage he thinks lucas is feeding me. of course, this drives zoe to resent me more. and lucas to view me as a game to win. my corruption is his rebellion. jack thinks he's a monster? I'll ruin his baby girl. I'll make her just like me.

naturally, years of bonding, I would have a lot in common with lucas. not as much as he'd like. (i don't develop my streak for sadism until the mold.) but in taste. same harsh industrial music mom hates. same gritty horror movies--at least jack likes those too. we have the same snark zoe hates--even though she has it too. I focus so much of my energy on keeping him happy, I don't have a vast social life either.

I think, in different ways, jack and lucas both view me as someone born exclusively for them. with jack, I am his in the way every baby girl is her fathers. with lucas, I'm his only option. I'm for him, because he has nobody else, and he wants me, so he's taking me. when he was seven, he was told he was getting a baby sister, and he took it to heart.

I think he'd have entertained the idea of taking advantage of me a few more times than he'd like to admit. and I am sure the sexual edge of his entitlement is not one that wouldn't have rubbed off in his grooming, abuse, and percieved ownership of me. im sure zoe, for years, was growing progressively more uncomfortable with the time I'd spend with lucas in ways she didn't fully understand or know how to articulate. I also think that despite it all, lucas loves me in the way you can't not love your blood. and he loves me because I am for him. he loves me because I'm the only person he can love, without also resenting--that isn't to say he's never felt resentment towards me, or anger, annoyance--but I'm just so uniquely grown for him, his needs, his loneliness and pain, he can't help but love me. I'm so attentive to his feelings, his nuance, quirks, self. I revolve around him. around his happiness. so I think, in a twisted way, it's only natural for that to extend towards his sexual gratification. it's taboo, it's not normal, it's something to wrestle with and process, but at the end of the day it's just another thing that makes sense. charlie "gets over" the taboo of it faster than lucas does--partially because he fetishizes it, and the power, and the corruption, the rebellion against his father, so he kind of refuses to get over it's taboo--but also because this... really isn't much different from what Charlie's already been doing her whole life. prioritizing lucas & his happiness. keeping him sane, his violence in check, being the only person he actually has. in a twisted way this is normal. it's expected.

[thegratefulsouth]

Things Carol Peletier and Willow Rosenberg have in common. Because yes.

I should note that this started out as a comparison piece between Caryl and Willoz, because, so many reasons, but as it turned out, by not as many reasons as ...

Parallels between Carol and Willow.

I had one of those bead chokers when I was in high school. That should really tell you everything you need to know.

1. They both start out utterly adorable

and precious

and Carol stays that way. I should point out that I don't normally acknowledge BtVS beyond Season 3. That is like a whole other post though, which maybe isn't entirely pro-Willow (because of, primarily, her behaviours, not partner choice), so let's quickly side step that, and return to the original point of this post:

2. They both start out quite meek and then experience substantial arcs and character growth and

3. They both fall for honourable men of somewhat few words. Daryl initially, mostly, pulses with emotion, Oz does NOT emote as a general rule. But both men are serious thinkers, Oz unhurried and often philosophical in his articulation, while Daryl speaks straight from his heart. They are also both poster guys for how to treat women with respect and honour (again, pre-early Season 4 for our Oz), and both men depart a devotion to love that is quite exceptional. Properly unpacking all of this = another post, another day.

Carol and Willow each display a unique moment of bravery in intimacy early on, something that had previously been out of character for each of them. They are both essentially rejected in these moments, but it's just the beginning of something special. Though Carol's joking harkens to a possible older version of herself, it's one that she never had the chance to fully develop, being forced to bury her playfulness during her abusive marriage. Willow is still so young in this moment, she has endured years of bullying and being cast aside, and being somewhat emotionally neglected by her parents. She is just now starting to open her wings for the first time.

In Innocence, Willow asks Oz, "Do you want to make out with me?"

While in Seed, Carol jokes to Daryl, "Kinda romantic, wanna screw around?"

And Daryl's reaction, as we know, is, "Pfft."

After telling Willow he's not going to kiss her because she clearly still has a thing for Xander, Oz jumps into his breathtaking(Cherokee Rose worthy)ly, beautiful impression of the events, his desires, and assures her he can wait. This is where Willow truly falls for him.

4. They accept their men as they are, not needing them to change. When Oz discovers he is a werewolf, Willow assures him she'd still if he'd still. And as we know, Oz happily stills. And everyone lives happily ever after when the show ends after Season 3.

Carol sees straight through Daryl's prickly defense mechanism exterior. His actions have won her over eternally. She accepts him, walker ears, bouts of rage, and all. "You're every bit as good as them." She tells him. "Every bit."

5. Neither woman wants to be alone. Carol reveals this to Rick in Indifference, sharing one of the reasons she stayed with Ed.

Willow wears her own yearning like a banner throughout the entire series, her early social awkwardness (perfection) inhibiting the romantic connections she is seeking. At least until she catches the eye of one young man in particular, who loves her for it. None of us wants to be alone, but Carol and Willow seem to struggle with that disproportionately in early life and it impacts their decision making, and future trajectories, deeply.

6. Their men are always looking out for them, trying to warn them, get through to them.

Oz reveals his concerns about Willow's increasing foray into the world of magic you didn't encourage her, did you, telling Willow he's afraid that she'll get hurt. He knows what it's like to have power he can't control, and it's not fun.

Though Carol's descent is, IMO, more justified, more understandable following Henry's murder, the potential consequences for her are just as risky. Moreso. Daryl tries, desperately, so many times, to talk her off the ledge, acknowledging that she doesn't care what happens to herself, reminding her that they have a future.

7. In the 2nd last season of each of their shows, Carol and Willow traject into a dark arc after their loved one is murdered, and need their best friend to save them

to pull them back.

There are sooo many differences between this pair too. Willow makes many self serving decisions. It's complicated, and unfortunate. Carol is more selfless, only taking on a path of self destruction, putting others at risk, when met with the unspeakable actions of Alpha. Carol is older though, with greater life experiences. She truly lives in the end times, without magic, without superheroes. Her losses are enormous, her suffering excessive.

Willow's journey was always a difficult one for me to watch, even in retrospect with the passage of time. She wanted to escape many of the quirky and endearing qualities which accompanied an awkward and less self assured version of herself, and that was her right. In order to shed some of the pain of her past, she needed to lose an entire version of herself.

8. Finally, both women have such an enormous capacity to love, a desire to protect their loved ones, against all odds. Often putting themselves at risk to do so. They were both selfless and selfish at times, utterly human, beautiful, and I love them for it.

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

honestly? not a clue how to cope at the moment.

I don't understand why people can wrong me so, SO viciously and be rewarded for it. Like my life just continues to spiral out of my control, but people who absolutely savaged me are not only rewarded, but excused. idk maybe its not very modest or humble of me to kinda wish that they'd have to face the consequences of actions that were totally and completely unfair, and have left permanent scars on me for the rest of my life.

but I have to make peace with the fact that they never will - and they'll live out the rest of their days not even giving it a second thought. Not even so much as thinking about an apology or acknowledgement of their behaviour. Just forever believing that I was toxic or cruel to them, when I know I wasn't. Well, we all do toxic things, and I'm guilty of that even in these cases, but I know why now I acted how I did and said things I said, but why am I held to such a higher standard when I DO mess up? and these other people get away with it like they did absolutely nothing wrong at all??? Is it because they did it to ME? because that's exactly how it feels. It feels like because it was done to ME it's excusable and justifiable . Because it was ME they did nothing wrong, because I'm me and I'm difficult, unlovable, ugly, annoying, obnoxious and ultimately worthless in every sense of the word. every ounce of anger directed at me is justified, each mistreatment, harshness, attack, accusation, all of it, is all justified simply because I'm me.

and no nothing has happened to trigger this, just me dwelling too much on the past and seeing now where those people are, and where I am. If they're looking for justification or affirmation that they were in the right - here it is - I still don't see how but life has handed you guys the reward, and I'm still here wanting to cut myself out of my own skin. I deserved every piece of abuse you hurled at me.

I deserved every single scathing word. I deserved to be yelled at, sneered at, snapped at, made to feel afraid, alone, guilty, ashamed. When you threw the shoes and the plates I deserved to witness it. When you lied and lied and lied, but then accused me of the guilt, I deserved it. When I was chastised and scorned for every single decision I made, even healthy ones for self preservation and helping everyone, I deserved it. When the years, and years, and years of mental and emotional abuse shut me away like a menace, I deserved it. When despite that my friends justified your behaviour, consoled you, reaffirmed to you inadventently that I was indeed the sole problem, I deserved it. And nobody knows just how much I punish myself every day because I deserved all of it. I may not understand WHY I deserved all of it, but it's very, very clear that I did. Every day I punish myself. I deny myself, I hurt myself, I tear shreds out of my mind and my heart every single day because if there's anything I know it's that I deserve it. And the continued pain, and the continued indifference absolutely shows me that it's true. And I do get sad over it. It's not poetic there's not beauty in it at all. I NEVER get those years back. It's done, the milk is spilled, I'll never stop bleeding over this and I only get one life, and it's been forever, forever trashed and burned from this. I'll never lead a normal life. So yeah, you guys win. I hope that gives you some sense of satisfaction, or joy, or whatever. There's no use in all of us being miserable. Congratulations, really, you're on the winning side of the coin, life has favoured you.

[ultfreakme]

Hi,.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from JJK? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series? Sorry if you've answered this question before....

Also love to read your blog, like I also learn quite a lot of various things from reading your blog....Thanks for sharing them....

Yes, I'm the one who asked the same format ask but from ATLA. (Hi....!)

Hi Anon!!! Nice to see you again! Thanks for sending these asks hehe they're super fun <3 ^_^!! I just realized sending similar asks is a thing on tumblr, i never get asks so I wasn't too sure on ask etiquette and am still learning.

Onto the answer!

Hmm...top favorites.....

Itadori Yuuji: So I like Superman comics a lot. I love optimistic protagonists who choose love and hope no matter how difficult. A critique lot of Superman fans have is that it's unrealistic for Superman to be optimistic and if he was ever faced with true horrors, he'd turn evil. There's games, movies and comics based on him just losing one person he loves(his wife Lois Lane) and going absolutely evil. People use that to justify nihilistic doomerism. "See! Everyone's got evil in them!" Enter Yuuji. He's got that Superman personality and motive. He's evidence to how no matter how horrible the world gets, no matter how much you lose, it's important to hope, to have heart and to love people. To never stop caring. I hate what he has to go through, it always hurts, but to see him form bonds and keep being kind to people is so nice to see. Being kind can be an act of immense strength. Always be kind, never let go of hope. It's a lesson we can learn at 5, 10, 15, 25, 35, 65, doesn't matter how old or young you are and Yuuji really reminds me of that.

Geto Suguru: I think this is obvious hehe. He's very relatable. I've actually been experiencing a level of that existential crisis he's going through in Hidden Inventory. You work and work, you see people die and suffer while all you can do is stand by and watch. His pain his understandable and watching him go through it is pretty validating. So many young people have their hopes of making a better world crushed because capitalism, because money, because you have to compromise and be uncomfortable and take every horrible thing the system throws your way without question because that's how you survive. Everyone suffers through this but due to the emphasis on individualism, people don't realize we're all in this together. Geto's methods are obviously extreme and irrational but the pain is relatable and a good example of the disillusionment we feel towards the systems we're in.

Gojo Satoru: Is this surprising? Lmao I post about him pretty often too. I used to not like him as I mentioned before but his character arc is very intriguing. It shows how power and absolute strength honestly doesn't mean anything when you're alone. I think the idea of 'power' and 'strength' is relative. And sure Gojo is good at everything he does and is canonically the strongest but even he is limited by the social norms and mores of Jujutsu Society. Geto was wrong, Gojo couldn't have achieved the impossible mission of saving sorcerer lives. Power is something to be afraid of, it's a heavy burden. Gojo revels in his fights but it also causes him great pain by entirely isolating him. I think he's a good commentary on what power means, what people can do with it, and how it functions under an oppressive system, and what 'strength' means (he's privileged and wants to fix Jujutsu Society from inside out but never manged it). I love how yeah sure Gojo is physically powerful but his most impactful and long-lasting effect comes from his time as a teacher(Hakari and Kirara finding their own path, Yuuta functioning outside of the higher ups' order, Maki destroying the Zen'in clan and ending the 3 clan system, Yuuji going up against Sukuna). Honorable mentions! Yoshino Junpei(again, obvious af for me), Maki, Yuki Tsukumo(I want to fight Gege for what he did to her like fuck this), Choso, Nobara.

Top 5 favorite moments(not in any particular order).....

Sukuna v Jogo/ Sukuna v Mahoraga In my heart I am a fight fan and these fights were majestic. I'm grouping them together because they happened back to back.

The alley scene at the end of JJK 0 I was so shocked and it hurt me so much. Gojo was so devastated, it's so clear he wanted to save Geto, make him smile, keep him safe but I think they both knew that Geto was already dying. It's so tragic gosh Geto's smile after what Gojo said(HE SAID i LOVE YOU HE HAD TO HAVE) is imprinted on my brain I've doodled that smile like 10 times.

Yuuji holding Junpei's hand saying "I won't curse you anymore."

Just, look at this. I am not strong. I can't do this. It's such a good demonstration of how kind Yuuji is. Like he let himself get STABBED just so he could reach out to Junpei and hear him out. The way he's carefully taking Junpei's hands in in his. Like this is Yuuji's character summed up.

4. Maki v Mai Actually all of EP17. Maki's a pretty effective counter to Gojo whose strength is immense but due to it being conventional to Jujutsu Society rules, he is still ineffective. Maki though, is a glitch in the system and this episode and fight introduces us to that. She can topple the Jujutsu Society by merely existing and using her strength. Her existence is a threat to the house of cards they've built.

Momo talks about how women need to be "perfect" to get ahead in Jujutsu Society. Nobara then asks the question "okay why the fuck should I care about what the Jujutsu society wants from me?" and Maki goes "you norms are shit anyways, and I'll prove to you exactly how".

Maki(and Nobara) show that abiding by the rules of Jujutsu Society is never going to get you freedom. You have to break it to find true happiness defined on your own terms.

5. Maki v Naoya

I loved watching her whooping his disgusting ass. I have no grander explanation for this one. She's scarred up, her hair is burned short, she's fucking brutal and fights with this animalistic, uncontrolled, wild energy. The opposite of everything Jujutsu society wants from a woman and it is glorious.

Side Note: I love how Yuki. Nobara and Maki fight ugly. It's terrifying watching them. I love when women are portrayed as bloody, spitting out blood and tooth and snarling and smirking when they fight. Give me more of that. Gege fucked up so bad in killing most of his female characters in Culling Games.

Utahime, please, I need you to pull a Kali(hindu goddess) and dance and stomp on some curse's spine till they break.

[harbingrs]

It's also funny that "inner child" stuff is the last thing I swore I'd ever do. I always found it so corny and laughable, but I guess that was a kneejerk reaction for a reason.

I definitely didn't realise that's what would save me someday. My brain really decided not to give me a choice on that one, but it's absolutely changed my life.

I've spent my whole life aching for the things I needed, and in constant fear about needing anything from other people. I've never not been in that powerless terrified spot, knowing I have no control over how people choose to treat me. It's a constant tug-of-war between closeness and safety.

Now I've learned what I can give to myself - and it's something that no one else can withhold or threaten or take away. It's not something I have to earn or battle to get. I'm the one who understands exactly what I need, and who never doubts that I deserve it.

That means it's safe - because no one can withhold it or take it away. No one can use that vulnerability to hurt me, or resent me for having needs. In theory, I shouldn't have to, but in practice, the more important part is that I can meet my needs without fear.

That's what makes it so difficult - even when things are ostensibly safe, the anxiety gets in the way. This way, it's safe because it's completely within my control.

To my 'child self', I can say:

You are not alone in the world. I know that nobody sees you, or sees any good in you, and I swear I do. I know you have feelings, and they matter. I will always be here to take care of you, to pay attention to them and help you through them, because you deserve that.

I see you and I see how good your heart is, when everyone else says otherwise. You are precious and you deserve to be in this world. You are wonderful and kind and curious and imaginative and you are worth knowing.

You don't deserve to be hurt and I always believe what you tell me. I know you are not evil, you are not malicious, you are not manipulative - you're a child who deserves to be safe and loved. I know you are so loving and that the love you show is real.

I will never leave you alone and hurting, and I'll never be complacent when you feel unsafe. You'll never be overlooked again, and I'm always here to take care of you.

It's finally safe to relax now. It's safe to be a child without fear of being weak, and that being weak will get you hurt. Your innocence will never be taken advantage of. It's safe to be yourself here with me.

To my 'teen self', I can say:

I know that you're hurting. I know that you're angry. It's safe to show me those feelings. They don't make you bad, and your pain is justified. Your pain isn't overdramatic. You're hurting because you were hurt deeply.

No matter how much you show me your 'badness', I will not leave you. I know you show that to me because you're afraid you're unlovable. No matter how much you lash out, even at me, I will be right here. I'll be right here through it all, until you're ready to talk to me.

I will never love you any less. I know you're afraid that as soon as you let your guard down, as soon as you stop pushing me away, as soon as you let me in, it will happen and I'll stop loving you.

I'm here to prove that isn't true, for as long as it takes. Every time you get that feeling out and calm down, I will still be here. I will show you how much I still love you, and that I won't abandon you. There is nothing you can do to make me leave.

It's okay that you can't trust in that yet. That doesn't make you bad either. You're worth my patience, and you're worth my kindness. There's nothing you can do to make that go away, and I know you're testing that because you're afraid.

I will be right with you through all of it. I will be right here until you can feel safe, and you know you don't have to fight any more. I know you hate yourself, but I don't hate you, and I care for you so deeply. You deserve that.

I know you want to hurt yourself to manage the pain, or do things to make it go away. I understand that feeling, and you're not bad or scary for feeling it. I'm not angry if you do that, and I will never be angry that you want to stop hurting. You aren't letting me down.

If you're ready to try with me, I am right here to help you find other ways to cope with it. I won't force you or trap you in that pain, I promise. You're still in control, and I'm here to help you stay safe in any way I can.

You have a future, and I will never give up on you. I'm here every step of the way.

To every version of myself, I can say:

You are loved. You have a place you belong, and that's here with me. You will not be alone. You will not be lost. You have a family. You will always be seen and valued.

Your needs are not too much. Your needs are not silly. Your pain is not insignificant. I will always care what you need. I will never give up on you. You are always worth it.

And there's an incredible peace in doing that. It's coming full circle and fully inhabiting that goodness and kindness and love that no one saw in me. I am my best self when I'm doing that. I know exactly who I am, here and now.

I understand that I do have something to offer people. I do have value. If I can do something so meaningful for myself, then maybe it's meaningful for others. The same kindness, the same patience, the same acceptance and understanding.

It's a triumph over everyone who's tried to hurt me or break my spirit. It's a victory against the people who did their best to make sure no one would ever love me, or believe me, or be kind to me.

That aloneness was intentional, it was orchestrated, poisoning the well with every person who could've helped me. That neglect and cruelty was meant to make me doubt myself, to permanently believe I was bad and unworthy.

They didn't win. This way, they will never win.

[motherofmabari]

CHARACTER SONG MEMES TAG

Game Rules: Choose one of your characters and list songs that fit them.

tagged by @gvnseylike 🥰 thank you!

I went a lil ham, and this is edited from a longer list lol. These are, of course, all for my beloved Gemma Hawke.

The Weight - Amigo the Devil

I am the weight this town / Is never gonna lose / It's been awhile since I've held anything / As close I have you / They'll write about our story here / For years to come / Maybe even more / 'Cause there's never been a love like this before

Walk Me Home - Pink

Tryna stand up on my own two feet / This conversation ain't comin' easily / And darling, I know it's getting late / So what do you say we leave this place? / Walk me home in the dead of night / I can't be alone with all that's on my mind / So say you'll stay with me tonight / 'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

We Can Build a Fire - Autoheart

Who in their right mind did you think you'd find / Standing behind you / your guardian angel? / Don't be ridiculous / man up / this is it / We can build a fire / I am not a liar

Trapped in a black case / dignity misplaced / How good is your poker face? / We're gonna need it / No more little boy / to survive / we destroy / We can build a fire / We can build a fire

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation / I've never been afraid of any deviation / An' I don't really care if you think I'm strange / I ain't gonna change

Already Gone - Autoheart

If you're already gone / Can I have / Just one last / Moment to say / I love you / I understand / I do

It's the way you push your shoulders back / And puff your chest / As proud as a robin / It's the way you never back down from an argument / It's your God-given right to be right

Welcome to the Family - Avenged Sevenfold

Why won't you listen? / Can't help the people you're missing / It's been done, a casualty rerun / Welcome to the family

I try and help you with the things that can't be justified / I need to warn you that there is no way to rationalize / So have you figured it out now? / So have you figured it out? / You can't win this fight

Liability - Lorde

The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy / 'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore / And then they are bored of me / I know that it's exciting running through the night but / Every perfect summer's eating me alive / until you're gone

Confessional - Janet Devlin

Holy water on the tip of my tongue / There's so much sin for just 21 / Hear my penance and all I have done / This self destructive war I've won / I've come out from under / To die another day / And though the honesty hurts / The crying was worse / Now tell me I'll be saved

And I'm gonna tag @oxygenforthewicked, @becauseanders, @telumendils, and @nonbinarywardenamell, if y'all have time and desire to do it ofc, and anyone else who wants to! 🥰🥰🥰

[antlerquccn]

sentence starter from halestorm's album into the wild life . change to fit as you see needed. potentially nsfw themes.

I won't be out done

I don't have time for you all

It's kicking down your door

So what ya waitin' for?

Scream until they hear you

Am I brave enough?

Am I strong enough?

I am the fire

I am the one I've been waiting for

I don't believe I'll fall from grace

I promise to myself, me and no one else

I am more than this

Well you think that you know what I am but you don't.

I like it loud, wear it proud, like a crown upon my head

I'll always be this way 'till the day that I'm dead

I'm a sick individual

I'm doing this thing called whatever the fuck I want

Would you like to know what I do if I got you alone

I don't talk the talk cause I walk the walk

But I just keep on breathing long as my heart is beating

I won't run I'm not afraid

Can I get an Amen?

Sometimes there's no reason to justify the meaning

I won't run I'm not ashamed

It's gonna take more than this for me to break

Hold your head up high there's a world outside that's passing by

Never lose yourself remember that you're like nobody else

Through it all year after year stand or fall I will be right here

Don't worry about those stupid girls

It's cause they're scared and insecure

Don't change for any man

I will be right here for you

I've got a forbidden love I'm not givin' it up

I'm not givin' it up

I've got a new modern love I'm not givin' it up

I won't pretend that I don't feel the way I feel

I can't forget the taste of something that's real

Maybe you'll find something that'll scare you, something that you like

That's just the way it is

I don't care if you don't get it

Maybe you'll find something that'll save ya

I've got an uncommon love

A little mayhem never hurt anyone

I know I'm not the only one

I wanna feel the walls shake

Looking for some Mayhem

They all say I've lost my mind

The real truth is they're scared because you're brave

You'll be ok if you be yourself for no one else

They'll hate you cause you're beautiful

You pretty thing with the dirty mouth

We will never back down

Cause they'll never understand

All my secrets that you weren't supposed to know

I get what I want and I'm gonna get mine

Why did you watch me suffer?

I'm the reaper outside your door

You took everything made me feel less than nothing

But trusting you was no one's fault but my own

I shoulda known better than that

So you press play and I hit record

We're not us anymore

Give you one last time to make me miss it

I'm leaving scratches up and down your back

'Cause we're dysfunctional l

'Cause no one does it better no one knows me better

I'm so over this love gone violent

I'm drunk and brave enough to say what sober couldn't say

I've been doing time believing in the lie that you still loved me

Always wanting more but never giving

Always buying into every kiss but not this time

I'm over this so over this

I see the good in the bad and the ugly

If I can't feel it in my chest I'm in the wrong damn place!

And there's a man down below that needs my sympathy

I like it heavy

I fell in love with the darkest parts

Since I was 13 years old I've had my fist to the sky

Some like beautiful, perfect and pretty I see the good in the bad and the ugly

Take me home tonight I'll do anything with you

We can sit 'til morning light just count every star

If you're an angel then I must be high

If you won't do it I'll do it for you

Now we're kissing under covers and it's all just because I jumped the gun

My place or yours I'm good either way

I got a dirty mouth

Unapologetic with you tonight nothing to hide

Give me something real don’t play no games

I’ll give you every piece of me

Don't you wish you were mine

You're seeing double cuz I'm a knockout

[luminary-sunflower]

No one asked #2

I went through trauma because others went through trauma because no one is alone in their seemingly lonely experiences, I do not have the answer or powers to solve our issues, but I do have the responsibility to show them there exists the opportunity to persist despite.

That is what I can offer. I can offer my victim hood and my simultaneous survival.

Evangelion ended with Shinji being circled in praise. He did it. He won. But he is not God, and this is not a happy ending. Shinji deserves to be happy to be alive. That doesn't mean it's the ending. It's only the start. And to cut that short, the viewers are left with survival for its own sake. Surviving has never brought me joy. Your life has to be worth living to do that.

People think suicide prevention means nets under bridges and locked up firearms, and suicide prevention means you care enough about a person to live for their own sake. Because you do have something to offer. And you are not weak in understanding your role in this. I think it's perfectly fine to be a "tool." I don't want to be healthy in a mountain cave, isolated. I don't want my existence to come at the price of seeing my life as my own, because if I'm not sharing it, I'm going to lose the will to have it for myself too.

And people think that makes me a pushover. As if I don't understand that I have to be strong enough to take the blows of dealing with others threatening my worth. I do. And it's the love I find between that that makes it worthwhile, because if I hid from even the possibility of being vulnerable, then what kind of life could I really have?

Everyone is a tool for each other's good. Don't be afraid of being used. Be careful not to be broken. But being broken still means you were a tool - a human. A soul cannot be broken.

I know it feels like that. But even 🏎️ and ♠️ cannot break my soul, only make my instrumentality something to be hidden and feared. Of course I cannot express my love to people who hurt it.

But why are we so afraid of being taken advantage of? Do we really believe that being abused makes us as hollow as our emotions feel? It's irrational. We must understand our forms are irrational.

I just want people to understand that they're still capable of loving even after their love is ripped out of them painfully. You will never be empty.

You can be burnt out. You can be weak. You can be reluctant. But you're never going to be past the point of no return as long as you trust you're not.

You know after being abused you'll justify it. You'll say you deserved it and that the abuser was true. And you're still perpetuating those beliefs onto yourself. You revictimize yourself even if you swear not to repeat the cycle onto others. But you still count. You are still a person. No one deserved that abuse. You have to be really angry about it at first just to separate yourself.

I don't have to "repent" for abusing me. But I have to repent of seeing myself as someone worth being abused.

Do people know that the second you ask for help, the door is going to be opened? Not in the way you expect. Or not in the way you can even tell right away. But in that instant, the possibility for a better way becomes open to you. And that's all you had to do. Of course we're sad. We have learned helplessness.

[swamp-spirit]

I was going to make an offhand joke post of "the reason I don't want your unsolicited writing advice isn't because I don't want to be a better writer, it's because I think you're a shit critic." but then I wanted to get into like... why pretty much all unsolicited writing 'advice' is worse than useless and what good writing advice actually is.

(a lot of this is geared towards fanfic because of the recent trend of Grand Defense of Unsolicited Fanfic Critique)

So I have done a LOT of creative writing critique. I've been in multiple writer's groups, creative writing classrooms, online groups, and worked as an editor. Overall, I've been told my critiques are pretty intense but worth listening to. I don't think anyone I've edited for, even the ones who really like my edits, would say I'm too afraid to hurt feelings to give good advice.

Good advice, however, is about communication. As an editor, the first thing I do with a writer is have a conversation about what they're looking for. What effect are they going for? What flaws are they already aware of? What do they know feels wrong but can't tell why? Unsolicited critique, by nature, means you have not done this. You don't even know if they ever want writing advice.

Pointing out issues with somebody's writing only works if your points are good. Good points are only helpful to point out if you have actionable advice on how to improve. Actionable advice is only helpful if you can convince the other person to listen.

If you don't actually consider these points, you aren't fixing their writing, you're stroking your ego.

So let's go through these in reverse order.

Have you given them a reason to listen?

So, first of all, there's the common refrain that not every writer wants to get better. Like, if I ask how a shirt I'm thinking of buying looks and you go "eh, it bunches up kinda weird", I appreciate it. If you walk up and tell me the shirt I wore to a party isn't flattering, I'm pissed. If I threw on a ratty shirt to grab 3AM groceries, I'm even more pissed, because I'm not trying to look cute, I'm trying to get the groceries. Not every singer is training for the chorus. Some people just love singing.

Even if somebody actually wants advice, not all advice is created equal. As somebody who's sat through a lot of English class critiques, a lot of opinions are... bad. The first few lessons, you have to get a good gauge on who you should listen to. Was that scene actually hard to understand, or did this person not pay attention? Did that scene actually get 'too weird', or does this person just not like horror? A writer who gets random critique doesn't know if it's a response lots of people would have, or if you're the 80th random jerk who saw the tagged pairings, ignored them, and are now finding ways to justify a ship they don't like as bad writing.

And yes, getting somebody to listen to your critique also involves being nice! As it does with everything! People are more likely to listen if your opinion is A) asked for and B) doesn't make this feel like shit. Helping somebody improve their writing, like any kind of coaching, involves keeping their spirits up. And the best way to know if somebody wants advice (and if they want it here and now and from you) is whether they, you know, tell you they want advice.

Is This Advice Actionable?

For a while, a comic I'd put years of work into had exactly one comment: "The writing's good, but you should work on the art".

It was disheartening, but mostly it was hilarious somebody thought it would be helpful.

My art is weaker than my writing. I've worked hard at both my whole life, but it's 100% my weak point as a comic creator. If you want to make a comic, you gotta draw or be able to pay, and I couldn't afford my art, let alone somebody better. After years of hard work, "consider getting better at art" is the most useless, condescending advice I've ever gotten. (including the time somebody's review of the same project slowly explained to me that many writers use outsiders to a culture to make exposition easier)

Often a writer KNOWS the pacing is bad. They KNOW somebody feels out of character. Helping them actually fix those problems means sitting down and having a conversation. You can't assume they haven't considered the obvious solution. Perhaps they know the scene moves slow, but they can't figure out what they can remove. Perhaps they need a boring scene to set up the mystery later. Helping fix those problems takes somebody who can sit down, listen to what they know, and offer practical advice.

Can you pick out what's important?

One of the first skills you have to build in critique is choosing your battles. If I'm talking to an eleven year old, I'm not going to dig into every weird sentence structure or cliche. My advice will probably be some compliments and a polite attempt to explain 'maybe your plot should have some conflict' or 'you probably don't need your action adventure to show your character waking up and going to bed every day'.

You have to meet writers where they're at. New writers are easy to overwhelm and discourage and need a few broad, easy to understand tips. I often tell the best writers I work with that if I'm bitching about sentence structure and flow and word choice, they're doing something right.

Do you know what you're talking about?

I talked about this some in point 1, but even kindly phrased, actionable advice has to be, well, good. The main type of bad advice is people mistaking things they dislike for things that are bad.

My readers like my nerdy exposition, but a lot of people are going to find it boring. That's fine! It's not a problem with me as a writer, and it's not a problem with them as a reader. We've all gone looking for clothing in a soup store. I'm certainly guilty of going "why is this romance story so focused on the romance instead of [thing I like]", but... well, usually I wouldn't say anything. The story isn't for me. If it's my job to comment, I'm going to separate "this is not a strong method for telling a love story" from "I wish this wasn't a love story".

Like most things, writing is easier to critique than to do. Anyone can pick out a plot point they hate, but it takes a lot of work to really understand why you hate it. Not just "I didn't like this death because it was unsatisfying", but knowing why you weren't satisfied, what narrative expectations and structural issues played into that dissatisfaction, how to fix them, and what the costs and benefits of different possible fixes would be.

Most of the critique you consume is probably not advice

Book reviews are not advice. YouTube essays are not advice. Tumblr posts about why you hated a show's finally are not advice. These are directed at other viewers, not creators. They are intended to share information with others, process our opinions, or just share our reactions. In fact, most of the stuff that's made is made with the assumption creators will never see it.

Just like writing a restaurant review doesn't mean you know how to help in the kitchen, being able to pick media apart doesn't mean you're good at helping people put it back together. If you're 'offering advice' to a thirteen year old on AO3 sounds like a video essayist taking down the Game of Thrones Finale, you have taken a wrong turn.

tldr: If you don't have the skill to tell if your advice is wanted, you definitely don't have the editing skill to give advice worth listening to

[siryouarebeingmocked]

>Fascinating, but this is obviously an exaggeration stated by women who likely have experienced violence perpetrated by a male or know somebody who has.

You are making this up from thin air.

Many women (and men) defending Team Bear have made claims based on the idea that men in general are a threat, not anecdotal data. Plus dodgy or misused stats.

Also, most assailants of men OR women are people who know the victim, not some random guy. Loads of women are alone in the woods with men every day, and very few of them are attacked by those men.

Many people have insisted that bear is the logical choice, at length. There have been loads of articles justifying the choice.

Being a victim - or knowing a victim - does not excuse or mitigate sexism.

You're doing the thing where you say "okay, they're not being serious, except for the parts I find convenient".

Random Revenant GIf for pacing.

>It is a saying to cement the fact women are aware of the dangers of men and have never encountered harm by a bear.

More fool them. Bears are more dangerous, on a per-encounter basis.

>And I am glad more women bespoke men with violence rather than not doing it. Who does this hurt? Men don't benefit, but they certainly don't suffer grave consequences from women speaking out.

Ah, yes, hundreds - maybe thousands - of women and men saying it's right for women to trust men less than a notoriously dangerous wild animal could not possibly cause any damage.

Which is why you had to make up a different version of their argument that's (slightly) less obviously stupid and sexist.

There are loads of people who say that men have to take collective responsibility for the few bad men's behavior, and have to act to reduce women's fears, whether or not they're even rational.

Or that men's logical criticisms of Team Bear prove Team Bear should be afraid of men.

Because apparently online disagreement is the same as physical threat.

If you can't understand why open sexism against men is damaging, and most people don't like to be seen as probable threats just for existing, especially compared to bears, I think the issue's on your end.