#I too am basic ass t-shirt man

[causenessus]

for your event, can I request suna with ⭐️ and 🍳? :D

almond butter. | suna r.

suna x f!reader

written in 2nd pov and it tore me to shreds

prompts from 1k followers event -> ⭐ -> insomnia & 🍳 -> cooking

"you've adored me before, oh my good looking boy." from good looking (stripped) by suki waterhouse

word count: 1.1k words

notes: fluff <333 i can't help talking about how hot and sexy this man is everytime i write for him i am so in love with him i am barking from him HHHHH— suna being a good boyfriend and brother!!! i love this man to bits and pieces <3 1K WRITING EVENT IS BACK IN SESSION!!! AND SO AM I!! NESS!! FOR A SINGLE DAY!! WITH CRAPPY WRITING!! i'm obsessed with him and him only using petnames and also i see this as a scenario being quite early into your relationship with him <3 and basically this being the first time he says "i love you" to you (without realizing it) and you realizing you love him (and being too sleepy to say it)(this makes more sense once you read the drabble)

mango anon, if you see this <3 this is us <3 this is me making u almond butter toast <3

cw: food, talk about food chemistry and how your brain converts food to melatonin using carbs yay science! work is not exactly proofread

you’ve been waiting in your living room for the past 10 minutes.

well, actually, you’ve been waiting for the past two hours to go to sleep but your brain won't let you, no matter how tired you feel.

finally giving up any chance of falling asleep soon in your bed, you let the screen of your phone blind you as you shoot a quick text to your boyfriend:

y/n : taro are you awake? i can’t sleep :( insomnia’s kicking my ass again

you collapse back onto your pillow, throwing your phone haphazardly to your side with a groan. almost immediately, your head pops back up again at the sound of a buzz, and you blindly reach for your phone, looking at its screen.

rin <3 : yeah i am

rin <3 : give me 10 min

you weren’t entirely sure what he had meant by that; if he was busy, and would reply again in 10 minutes or if he was coming over.

you hoped it was the latter, but you'd find out soon enough. in the meantime, you moved to your living room, curled up on your couch under a heavy blanket, dimly lit by the warm light of a nearby lamp as you watched the seconds go by on your phone.

you always slept better with him, whether he was holding you in his arms or he was just simply in the room with you, it felt nice to be in his presence. just the thought of him was slowly making your eyes start to droop before the sound of the door unlocking made you perk up.

there he was, gently swinging your door open, a white plastic bag in hand. his yellow eyes fell on you as you looked him up and down, obviously judging his poor taste in clothing (sweats and a t-shirt) despite it being the middle of winter.

“hi baby,” he whispers, kicking off his shoes before immediately making a beeline towards you. you were peeking out from over the arm of your couch, and he knelt on the floor at the side of the couch, chin propped against the arm of it where you were, leaning in towards your face. there was a smile on his own as he spoke, “don’t fall asleep now, i just got here.”

you can only sigh quietly in response, happy to finally see him. “can’t help it,” you mumble, “‘was thinking of you.”

his smile only grows at your words, and he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead, letting a hand run down the side of your face, caressing it carefully. “you’re cute when you’re tired, doll,” he teases as you lean into his touch, too tired to even respond. “at least let me take care of you before you fall asleep though, yeah? i went to the store for you after all.”

“you didn’t have to buy me anything,” you whisper, reaching an arm out to him, trying to get him to join you on the couch.

he grabs your hand, rubbing a thumb lovingly over the back of it, but doesn’t let you pull him down, “of course i’ll buy you things, y/n. i love you. can i make you something to eat?”

you hum in thought, thinking about if you really want to allow him to move you, but when he tugs gently at your arm, you get up (begrudgingly) bringing your blanket with you to the kitchen.

you rest your arms on the counter you’re sitting at, lazily watching his figure move through your kitchen, pulling items out of his bag. “what’re you doing?” you eventually question, eyeing his selection of groceries with confusion. the jug of milk you can understand, but not the jar of what you assume to be jam and a nut butter.

“‘making you toast,” he answers, rummaging through your drawers for a knife, “my sister used to have trouble sleeping sometimes too, and she’d always wake me up instead of our mom so i had to figure out what helped.”

“and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are supposed to help you fall asleep?” you ask, sitting up to rest your head on your hand as you watch him pull a plate from your cupboard.

the bread he dropped into your toaster pops back up as he corrects you, “almond butter. my sister hates peanut butter, and rightfully so. almonds are better.” he continues talking as he places the toasted bread on the plate he grabbed, “i had to google what kind of foods you should eat when you can’t sleep and it’s the first suggestion i saw. the almonds have something in them that gets converted to melatonin using the carbs from the bread and jam, or something like that.”

you nod along like you really care about whatever science he’s rambling about when really, all you can pay attention to is how nice his voice is. ever since he entered your apartment, you’ve realized how much he was all you needed to sleep. you’re slowly getting more attached to him and the longer you date him, the more sure you are that you love him, too.

he slips into the seat next to you, sliding the plate of toast over to you. you mumble a small thanks, biting into the sandwich before opting to lean against him, your head resting on his shoulder while the rest of your body is wrapped in the heavy blanket you brought from your couch.

you hum in satisfaction, deciding that maybe rintarou was right about whatever science is behind the contents of this sandwich, or maybe he just needs to research the effect he has on you. you’re sure just being in his presence is sending melatonin straight to your brain–or however he said that works. “rin,” you hum, eyes closed as you remain leaning against him.

“what is it, sweetheart?” he asks. one of his arms has moved to wrap around your back, holding you close while one of his fingers grazes the skin of your arm, drawing lazy circles onto it.

“will you stay the night, too?” you ask, taking another bite of the sandwich.

he can’t help but smile, watching you snuggle up against him, scooting your chair and plate closer to him, closing the gap between you two. “of course, love, if that’s what you want,” he whispers, pressing a kiss into your hair.

you nod in response to the statement, holding up your sandwich to his mouth for him to take a bite of. “you're good at making sandwiches, but i think all i need is you to fall asleep,” you mumble tiredly and he chuckles.

“if you fall asleep here, i’ll have to carry you to your bed, you know,” he warns, but you're already drifting in and out of sleep, the plate on the table in front of you both now empty, besides a few crumbs of bread.

“that’s okay,” you try to say, fighting a losing battle against the sleep that's slowly overtaking you. “you can do it,” your last words of encouragement make his heart twist before your head lolls slightly, and he knows you’ve knocked out.

taglist: @akaakeis @wyrcan @daisy-room @eggyrocks @cheriisae @alexithemiyatic @kameyyy @iiwaijime @chaotic-neutral-ig @bakery-anon @kakeru-eem

[rationaliity]

mine now | gallagher x f! reader ( 18 + )

ill be so real with you my dearest freaky anon i'm not the biggest fan of cheating so plspls understand that if this kinda sucks,,, im sorry, especially since you were waiting for so long for this and then i drop the most lukewarm fic of all time. i also had to change the story around so that it was something that i was comfortable writing, sorry about that ! still the basic premise, i just am not good with ntr for some reason ?? weird. who knows man. tags : drug abuse ! dubcon, dirty talking, weed & alcohol mention, female anatomy reader but its sort of nonspecific idk, pw/op, voyeurism sorta, exhibitionism sorta, coercion almost, mentions of infidelity, comfort turns into sex, possessiveness, unprotected sex, gallagher uses petnames a lot, reader being drunk & high at the same time, reader gets on call with her ex boyfriend while gallagher fucks them words: 1.8k

gallagher's hand was in your hair, your head pulled back as he pounded you so hard into the mattress it made your hip hurt a little bit from the pressure, not that it was really what you were focused on. he'd promised to make you forget your shitty ex boyfriend who'd cheated on you, and you had agreed on that without a second thought. it was originally just a drink that the two of you shared together, with you ranting about this loser to gallagher, who was all too patient with you.

one drink turned into three, and drinks turned into smoking together. being crossfaded and half focused, those little rants went on about everything that had pissed you off about that loser since the moment the relationship started to decay. everything from how he refused to flush the toilet no matter how many times you reminded him, to how tiny his dick was. gallagher had laughed at your jokes about him, and it spurred you on to keep going, laughing about that loser's tiny shrimp dick. gallagher asked if you'd ever had a dick bigger than two inches, and you shook your head. you had no idea what sex was really supposed to feel like aside from what you knew.

then he asked if you were willing to see what it was like, and you swore you'd never felt more sober than that moment right then as you hesitantly nodded. was it still going to hurt if you weren't a virgin anymore ? the answer, surprisingly, was a resounding yes ! you learned that pretty quickly as gallagher's hips pistoned into yours, his free hand grabbing the fat of your ass, his body pressed against yours so he could whisper into your ear.

" don't be shy, baby, you can let your makeup ruin my sheets. it's been ruining my shirt all night now, " he purred in your ear, his sharp canines daring to bite into the sensitive skin of your neck completely without warning. when he finally did, you made a pathetic little mewl that you weren't even aware that you could make. " a little reminder of who can fuck you better than that fuckin' pathetic loser, yeah ? gonna go to work tomorrow n show off your mark for everyone to see, yeah ? "

possessiveness was driving him, only amplified tenfold by the weed in his system. it made you both feel everything so much deeper, so both in tune with your bodies and completely disorientated at the exact same time. you couldn't feel your toes anymore, and you weren't even sure you had a tongue in your mouth you were so far gone, but you could feel every deep stroke inside of you as he thrust, and the feeling of his nails digging into the flesh of your ass.

you were a disaster. you knew you should be somewhere else. it was in three the morning, you were three drinks and several shots deep, and with enough weed in your system to kill a victorian child before they could even understand what was happening to them. but you had no idea that you needed this so much, needed to feel him so deep inside of you that it brought you to tears, stretching you so well that you thought there was no way it was going to fit. and yet his cock buried itself completely inside you each time, his tip hitting against your walls in that special spot that made you cry out.

you wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, and by god you wanted to moan so loud that your neighbors could hear you. and maybe you were doing all of those things, at this point you weren't entirely sure what you were doing, other than taking his cock. gallagher was like an animal, desperate to claim every inch of you, and you were so willing to give him everything that he desired without any amount of a fight.

you heard a noise in the background, but you honestly didn't think much of it at that point. it was so unimportant, you didn't really care what it was, although you recognized the sound. " baby, your phone is ringin', you wanna answer it, or should i ? "

you made a pitiful little noise, and he took that as a perfectly valid answer, grabbing your phone and sliding it up for you. " hey, yeah ? oh, man. " you couldn't hear what was going on on the other side of the phone, but you could hear gallagher chuckle, and you swore he started to fuck you even harder now, the lewd noises of your skin slapping together undoubtedly able to be heard through the phone. " yeah, sorry you're a fuckin' loser, but they've got some new dick. thank you for keepin' them so fuckin' tight f'me. "

you don't know why your ex hadn't hung up the phone yet, but also on the other hand it made complete sense. if he had a way to argue, he was going to argue, even when all of the odds were against him, and the answer was blaring at him straight in his face. you buried your face in the pillow, trying not to make so much noise, but finding it impossible with the way gallagher was thrusting inside of you like he owned your body. and maybe he did, who knows at this point ? you just knew that you'd never felt this good, not with yourself, or any other partner.

" you wanna talk to them ? oh, man, be my fuckin' guest. i just hope you know you ain't gonna like what you hear. "

without a warning, the phone was pushed against your ear, letting you speak and say whatever you wanted to, but you couldn't find the words to say anything to him in between the moans spilling from your lips. " i-i- hh- fuck- " you whimpered, trying to think of something to say, but your mind was completely blank and filled with so many thoughts at the exact same time. there was only a brief moment of time where there wasn't anything coming from the other line, your ex so stunned that he couldn't find anything to say, but then came the barrage of insults, ones that would make you cry if you weren't being fucked so well by a man like gallagher, who was able to take your mind off of a pathetic man like your ex.

" put him on speaker, doll. let him hear you cummin' your brains out on my cock if he's so inclined. shit, i'll send him a video if he wants. whatever gets him to understand that you aren't his anymore, " gallagher growled behind you, one of his hands coming to snake around your waist, rubbing the sensitive nub between your legs with his thick, calloused thumb. you could only nod in response, sitting your phone down and turning it on speaker. you wanted him to feel horrible about everything he did to you, and you were hoping this was exactly the revenge you needed to finally get over him.

with the phone out of your hands, it was like it was entirely forgotten, especially with his finger rubbing your clit in tiny little circles. everything was building up to feel so strong inside of you, you had no idea what was happening. was it the drugs in your system making your body act up like this ? you had no idea, completely unsure what was going on. you felt this feeling in your tummy tightening as gallagher fucked you senseless, exactly like how he had promised to.

" ga-gallagher- " you whimpered out, your breath hitching in your throat. even in your fucked out state, you still managed to say something coherent, and of course it was his name. that thought only brought a satisfied grin to his face, and the older man couldn't stop himself from responding, clearly putting on a show for the person on the other end of the phone.

" what is it, my sweet ? gonna cum ? ya gonna cum on my cock like this 'nd forget all about him ? you take me so well, it's like you were made for a big, fat cock to stretch you out 'nd rearrange ya. " he was going so hard he needed to grab the headboard, his nails digging into the wood so hard that he wasn't sure if it would splinter or not, not that it even mattered. a little blood wasn't going to hurt him, and it certainly wasn't going to make him stop fucking your divine body into the perfect little cocksleeve for him. " is this your first orgasm on a cock ? you don't even know what's happenin' to ya, that's fuckin' adorable. you aint got no idea why you feel all tight down there, huh ? "

all you could do was nod helplessly against him, drooling onto the fabric of the bedsheets that was so soaked from your slick just dripping down your legs and pooling underneath you. " gonna- gonna cum, gonna cum, gallagher- pl-please- " you didn't know why you were saying please, you knew he wasn't going to stop now, not when he had a point to make of giving you the best orgasm you've ever had in your life.

" cum then, sweetie. i'll ride you through it. i'm gonna cum in this little hole of yours, okay ? you okay with that ? " you didn't give him a verbal response, just a nod of your head, but he couldn't stop himself from gently slapping your clit, making you cry out in pain, the sharpness of the sensation leaving you breathless. " say it, doll. say you want me to cum inside. you can do it, baby. "

" please- cuh-cum inside of me, gallagher- " you begged, earning you a tentative kiss on the side of your neck where he had bitten you earlier, and his finger started to rub circles around your sore clit again, perfectly timed just to make you cum.

" we're gonna cum together, okay ? let go, baby. i'm right here wi-with ya, " he couldn't stop himself from letting out a low groan, letting go of the headboard to grab your hip, dragging you on his cock as he fucked himself on you, chasing your orgasms together. with a low, animalistic growl, gallagher let go inside of you, shooting hot ropes inside of your walls as you clenched helplessly around him, the duo orgasm making you feel like you were able to blank out at any second, but you were entirely aware of your situation. he rode out the sensations with you, slowing down into gentle thrusts as he milked both of your orgasms at the same time.

when he pulled, gallagher laughed to himself, kissing the side of your neck and your nape several times as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing his body against yours. " he hung up. guess we gotta call him back when we have a round two, yeah ? "

— ♡ rationaliity 2024

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 31 “Wet Gas” [Episode List] Tim, Dave, Adam and Greg spend a “guys only” weekend… relaxing in the calmest and cheapest beach resort the could find. While the others enjoy the soothing sound of the waves, Tim is “forced” by Dave to enjoy instead the loud, thunderous sound of his massive farts.

POV: Tim

7:00 AM.

We parked in the middle of nowhere, grabbed our backpacks, and marched towards the only visible human-made thing.

The sign hanging just above the main entrance of the modest hotel building, a structure separating the hot asphaltic hell we were standing on from the (hopefully) beautiful beach resort, reads “Sandy Beach”, written in Comic Sans nonetheless. Very original name!

We promptly, and very maturely, misread “beach” on purpose and we had our first high IQ laugh of the weekend.

“Pretty cool, huh?” our friend Greg said, admiring the shabby entrance and leading us the way, with a smug look on his face.

Considering that he chose the place, he was obviously being very biased.

“Yeah.” I said. “Are they gonna harvest our internal organs tonight or…” 

That earned a good laugh from Dave and Adam.

“Yeah it looks like shit.” Adam said. “But as long as they have the Jacuzzi...” he glared at Greg “I’m okay with losing a liver I guess.”

“Can’t wait to rub your wet nipples, Adam.” Dave said, caressing our friend’s chest.

“Not now, Greg may get jealous.” he replied, playing along.

“Who’s gonna rub MY nipples then?” I asked, sarcastically.

Dave stepped closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“Is that even a question?” he said, painfully pinching my right nipple.

I didn’t scream. 

I suffered in silence like a real man.

—

Credit where it’s due.

Once we stepped into the building, the resort turned out to be bigger and much more equipped than it looked. The beach was vast and not very crowded (it’s only late June after all), same goes for the swimming pools.

In the end we booked 2 rooms and we split like we usually do when it’s just the 4 of us: Adam and Greg in one room, me and Dave in the other.

Adam and Dave’s girlfriends were actually supposed to join us but they decided to plan a “girls only” weekend instead with other friends.

The entire building was mostly made of wood, or cladded with wood. It gave the place a more “exotic” look and, most importantly, it wasn’t boiling hot and I didn’t even need to turn the AC ON. There were palms outside, but they were made of plastic. 

Fun, I guess?

Before going to the beach we all checked our rooms first. Both me and Dave checked for some stuff in our backpacks and we changed into our “beach” clothes, which basically meant only wearing a simple t-shirt and a swimming trunks. My bro was sporting a grey t-shirt and a pair of red trunks.

I admit I gave him more than one quick look, hoping my dark sunglasses would hide my eyes glued on him. 

He is a good looking man after all. 

“Enjoying the view?” he said, his own sunglasses hiding the fact that he was staring back at me the whole time.

“You know what?” I dared to say. “Yes.”

Dave laughed at my bravery. “Thanks.” he then said, no irony, no sarcasm. “You too are looking good. Told ya you needed to exercise.”

Well this has been a weirdly sincere exchange of compliments.

“Now let’s rate your cock…”

There it is, the mandatory immature joke (but everything before that was sincere).

We grabbed our towels and I walked outside of the room, Dave right behind me, being tasked with preserving our room’s keys. 

Outside of our room there was a long and (as of now) empty corridor. I turned to Dave as he made to close the door behind us but before doing that he looked left and right, as if he was a pedestrian crossing a busy road.

“One last thing before we go…” he whispered, after he sure no one was around.

Dave held the door ajar behind him and squeezed his ass in red trunks into our room, unleashing a loud, high-pitched fart. He narrowed his eyes as he pushed the loud gas out; technically a morning fart, but fueled by a weird schedule (we woke up at like 4:00 AM to get here) and a quick, unhealthy breakfast.

“Marking your territory I see.” my snarky comment, as I witnessed my friend tainting our once immaculate room with his gas.

He laughed a bit, resulting in the fart having some “hiccups”, but he managed to finish ripping it nicely, with a final, deeper, loud note. Dave then quickly shut the door, as if the gas could escape, and locked it.

“And you did this… because?” I asked, sounding as annoying as you think.

“Because I had to fart, duh!” he replied, putting his sunglasses on.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked in the empty corridor.

“No worries, I’m gonna blast ya later.” he then said, whispering, like the bastard teaser he knows he is.

He tried to crush my nipple again but this time I parried him like the pro I am and, ignoring the fact that Dave was, as usual, being super chill with my kink (and the fact I was pitching a tent…), we raced to the beach like the immature 30 years olds that we are.

—

After some beach volley on the shoreline, we spent the next few hours sleeping under our umbrellas, because we’re old and tired of living. Still the best nap we ever had since months. We woke up and just ate a sandwich each for lunch, as we had a much more “demanding” dinner planned for tonight here at the resort.

We had another session of beach volley in the afternoon, some beers, chatted with some other guys, generally chilling and doing basically nothing, occasionally commenting on how deceptively shabby the whole resort was, imagining non-existent lore and backstories worthy of an AMC crime drama series.

—

The Sun was setting so we decided to leave the beach and go back to our rooms. It was still early for dinner or any other night activity, so I proposed to try the Jacuzzi.

“Bro.” Dave said to Adam and Greg, faking a serious, surprised expression. “Tim had… a good idea?”

Sarcasm aside, the other three idiots agreed, ‘cause after that long day of relax… we needed to relax. Makes sense.

We chose the Jacuzzi in mine and Dave’s room since it was the one actually working (the news made Greg earn some insults from Adam). After a couple of minutes of setting it up, we jumped in, fetching some beers in the process, and let the warm bubbles do their massage. 

We all felt ridiculously good. We kept chatting and joking around, chilling in the hot-tub 5ft apart ‘cause we’re not gay (well…), or at least that was the idea, but Dave (and Adam too, to be fair) had to mess with our nipples because we’re very mature, so the thing quickly turned into some kind of Mexican Standoff where we had to keep our nipples safe.

After like 15 minutes, the hydro-massage turned itself off.

“Probably a power-saving thing.” Greg commented.

Dave floated towards me and “sat” next to me. I could still see the red swimming trunks through the warm water.

“If you guys need bubbles, I got ya covered.”

At first we didn’t realize what he meant, until we remembered who were we sharing the Jacuzzi with.

We noticed him visibly pushing one out and lots of bubbles appeared all around him. 

A cartoonishingly-impressive performance from Dave, as he managed to rip it with ease even underwater, producing what essentially was a natural hydro-massage (I was next to him and I could certainly feel it). His skills earned amused and disgusted reactions (even from me), as each popping bubble let out in the air the stench of his fart. 

That wasn’t an underwater fart, that was a seaquake entirely localized in our hot-tub. As the fart kept going and more poisonous bubbles reached the surface, it felt more like we were bathing in some thermal waters near a volcano, since the whole thing smelt like sulphur (…which notably smells like rotten eggs).

After like 10 seconds, the bubbles stopped, and Dave looked at us with a smug, proud smirk, fully knowing how annoying that was. But, as bros do, we actually tipped our metaphorical hats to his incredible talent. Despite my sincere admiration, that still gave me a massive boner, which the water fortunately kept hidden.

A few minutes later, the Jacuzzi turned itself on again.

“Hey hey! That’s not me I swear!” Dave joked.

We could tell it wasn’t him: the massage wasn’t nearly as strong as his fart’s.

—

We had our dinner at the resort restaurant, which offered lots of wine and seafood, which looked mostly safe to eat, and then went back one more time in our rooms to have a quick shower before leaving again for a night pool party (always taking place in the resort), with alcohol and music. 

As I was drying my hair, Dave got out of the shower, without even bothering of covering himself with a towel. He didn’t mind and, to be honest, me neither, though I must say, he was kind of well-endowed. 

My bro pointed at me, lifted his right leg a bit and let out a short loud blast, droplets of water getting sprayed out of his bare ass in the process.

“Well said.” I simply commented.

Dave then went to the bedroom to wear some clothes despite being still wet (just a t-shirt and those red swimming trunks again), as he always does during Summer.

And so he did, ready in a matter of seconds. Perhaps this wasn’t what he was going for, but his chest being still wet made his t-shirt tighter-looking, making his pecs more visible. Dave wasn’t super muscular or anything, but he was tall, slim and fit-looking, and as I said many times he was overall a pretty good-looking guy. He didn’t bother shaving, so he had this stubble covering part of his face.

“Tim it’s super hot outside, you don’t need to dry your hair come on!” he said, checking the time on his phone.

“Alright alright, I’m coming.” I replied, slipping into a t-shirt and a pair of shorts as fast as I could.

As we approached the door, I heard Dave doing an encore of what happened this morning, only with his mouth this time. My bro uttered a rather unexpected (even though he was remarkably good at it too) loud, deep, throaty belch, which is basically a mouth-fart, so further proof of his air-bending mastery.

“Gesundheit.” I jokingly said.

Dave gave me a thumbs-up in response, though he kind of looked like there was something bothering him.

“Those shrimps are doing numbers in my stomach.” he let out another small belch. “Oof.”

“I’m sure your digestive system has seen worse.” believe me, I know what I’m talking about: this man could eat and digest an entire boar without flinching.

He replied with one more short belch though.

“We’ll see.”

—

The pool party was actually… a bit boring: there weren’t that many people and while we did manage to chat with another friend group (who was as bored as we were), we mostly drowned ourselves in alcohol and random snacks. Speaking of drowning, at one point, Dave decided to randomly push Greg into the swimming pool, as he was talking non-stop about the hard process of choosing his glasses (we promptly took them off his face before pushing him though -we’re not monsters).

Greg being the butt of our jokes reignited the party, as me and other people (including my other two buds) dived into the pool as the music got louder. Us and those other guys basically owned the place at this point, turning an otherwise boring situation into our private party. We kept drinking and chatting for a couple of hours, in and out of the water, enjoying our summer night.

—

At round 3:30 AM we called it a day (or rather, a night). The resort’s staff turned the music off and everyone went back into their rooms. We kept chatting a bit more in the hotel hall, drinking one last beer or whiskey together, before being too tired ourselves. 

The wet steps of our slippers echoed in the otherwise silent hotel as Dave and I marched towards our room (Greg and Adam’s room was on the other side of the building, relatively far from us).

“Thanks for pushing Greg into the swimming pool.” I said.

“Thank you guys for suggesting it.” 

I don’t remember doing that, though admittedly we all thought of it at the same time.

We opened the door and we were greeted by the cold breeze of the sea, as we left the windows open.

After a few steps, Dave took off his t-shirt and let himself fall on the bed, lying on his stomach and hugging his pillow.

I did the same, lying (on my back) next to him. 

I checked my phone for some messages, trying to be as quiet as possible ‘cause I thought he fell asleep, until he turned to me, tired but very much awake.

“Send me some of the photos you took later.” he said, trying to twist my right nipple.

“Doing it as we speak.”

He then reached for his own phone and, still lying on his stomach, sent Dana a quick voice message explaining how we all finally had mad sex with each other, especially Greg because he’s the hottest one.

After he finished recording, he uttered a small belch. Gay jokes are one thing, but he draws the line at belching into his girlfriend’s ears (not that Dana isn’t familiar with Dave’s skills…).

“How’s your stomach by the way?” I asked.

“I’m fine. Nothing that 2 gallons of beer couldn’t fix.” he replied, with a hint of sarcasm. “But yeah it’s all good.” he then properly admitted.

As if it was something necessary to further prove his point, Dave’s statement was followed by a sudden, thunderous fart that could very well wake all the guests in the hotel up. I got startled: I didn’t even realize he was pushing one out! Since he was lying on this stomach, the ass basically looked like an erupting volcano, the poisonous gas cloud quickly reaching my nose: the smell was terrible, a sign of Dave’s stomach getting rid of unwanted waste without actually turning into solid shit.

The 7 seconds rip was followed by another loud, short toot, finishing the blast.

“Yeah, that sounded healthy.” I simply remarked.

Somehow Dave found my comment really funny, and he laughed before his usual “fart smirk” could appear on his face every time he teases me with his farting skills.

“Yeah, my stomach could handle it, as usual.” he finally managed to say. “The real question is… can you handle it?” 

My heart stopped for a moment, because I will never get used to Dave being a chill, teasing bastard, and how he actually delivers without stopping at the tease. I knew I was going to get face-farted and if my ears didn’t lie to me, his farts were going to be huge tonight, even for his standards. I guess it happens when you stuff your strong stomach with tons of questionable seafood and gallons of alcohol.

“You know you don’t have to, right…?” I said, kind of embarrassed.

Dave sighed and laughed a bit, amused, but almost frustrated by how, somehow, I was the one who didn’t get used to such gross kink, whereas my straight bro was more than OK with blasting me, fully knowing that I liked it that way.

“I told ya I was gonna blast you later, remember?”

The fact that he remembers saying that to me while I almost forgot was almost funny to me. I found it hot, I found it nice, I found it… weird. But I guess we’re both weirdos in our own way.

My train of thoughts was derailed by another loud fart, this time lasting “only” 3 seconds, a fart that I’m almost sure Dave ripped just to get my full attention, not that it was difficult: his ass looked great in those red, tight swimming trunks and I could perfectly distinguish his asscheeks.

“Just do it.” I said, cackling nervously. 

My friend snickered. “Nah, too tired to get up, just plant your head there, I don’t care.” he said, resting his head on the pillow, as he pointed me in the direction of a different kind of pillow.

I was speechless.

“Y-you sure?” I had to ask.

“I’m going to fart in 3…2…1”

Maybe my deft movement made me look too thirsty and desperate, but Dave found it disgustingly hilarious, so that’s fine. I rushed towards my friend’s red ass, essentially obeying to his order, and planted my head between the red fabric-clad buttcheeks.

That felt… good. The ass was actually softer than I expected but what I wasn’t expecting is how much wet, damp and cold those swimming trunks still were, yet my nose, a bit deeper into my friend’s ass, was warmer. I could smell the stench of his previous rips, which the wet trunks somehow made it worse, and it felt like I was tipping my nose into sewer waters.

The fart that greeted me almost made me regret my head was where it was. A loud fart, as usual, which made my head shake; the water trapped deep into my friend’s ass produced some weird sounds, as if his anus was gargling. I could feel a “fizzy” sensation tickling my nose, my head completely blocking what felt like a powerful geyser of flatulence. 

I didn’t know if I could handle it, to be honest: the whole thing reeked like sewers and, well, shit. Dave claimed that he was feeling well, but those roars basically were his stomach turning shit into pure gas. Fart fetish or not, you learn to recognize your gassy friend’s farts, especially when he’s this talented.

The blast lasted 11 seconds, finishing off with a wet quack-like sound, which my friend actually found gross and hilarious.

“You sure you can handle it?” he threatened, knowing exactly how revolting his farts were being tonight.

“We’ll see.” I replied, echoing what he said earlier about his stomach, which he noticed.

“Well then.”

He reached for my head and grabbed it, pushing it, with a firm grip, even deeper into his anus. The thin, red fabric of his swimming trunks was the only thing separating me from the gassy hell that was my friend’s ass… and it was basically useless: Dave could very well be face-farting me bare-ass for how terrible the stench was.

I got jump-scared by a new blast erupting into my face; while pushing the fart out, Dave wiggled his ass left and right, wiping his wet ass on my face. The gargle-like sounds returned, and I felt the red trunks getting wetter, a sign that more water was being sprayed out of my friend’s ass due to the sheer power of his fart. Even though yes, it was water, it was still coming from the depths of my friend’s anus, so you can only imagine how much my nostrils were suffering in that moment.

The fart changed pitch as Dave wiggled his ass, going from an higher-pitch to a deeper one; this had nothing to do with the butt moving, as my friend is just that good at “sound-designing” (as he once put it) his own farts. Probably a side-effect of being able to fart on command, though those were all natural.

And they were all natural indeed as I never heard farts on command being this wet, not from my bro at least. Don’t get me wrong, Dave was a pro, I knew he wasn’t gonna shit on my face, but damn if the mixture of an entire multiple showers, a pool party and questionable shrimps weren’t messing with the sound of his blasts.

And the smell…

Those incredible displays of flatulence smelt like fucking shit and sewer and this on-going fart was just pure stench being shoved down my throat: I could almost taste those damn shrimps. After 16 long seconds, finally, it got less loud and as he ripped the final toots before properly stopping, Dave turned his head to check on me, but as his eyes landed on my face being devoured by his red-clad asscheeks, he laughed like the teasing, open-minded bastard that he is.

“Don’t you just love the soothing sound of the waves?”

Funny thing is, we could actually hear the so-called soothing sound of the waves from our room.

Well, as long as it’s silent.

And with Dave brewing a big one already, the silence wasn’t gonna last long.

Predictably enough, his ironic statement about the waves was followed by another rip right into my face, as he still held my head still, at the mercy of his asscheeks. It was a quick, wet thunder, lasting about 3 seconds, but damn if it was loud, perhaps the loudest one so far somehow, and one of the loudest farts I ever heard from Dave in general. The putrid stench it produced matched its power: my eyes got teary because of the dense, warm gas.

But my bro wasn’t done: still lying on his stomach and holding my head where it belonged, he spread his legs wide, occupying the entire king-sized bed, with my nose being “pulled” even deeper into the moist-y depths of his red-clad anus. I could taste the “swamp” those red swimming trunks became, now even more wet because of my own sweat. 

Also, since we’ve been to a pool party, the nauseating stench of Dave’s farts was accompanied by a faint smell of chlorine, which gave the blasts an oddly “pungent” scent (well, more than usual).

A moment of silence, another silence that was doomed to not last, then I heard my friend laugh a bit. 

“Goodbye, Tim”

When even Dave says stuff like that, you know he’s brewing a giant one.

And a giant fart it was, the final result of a long beach day, questionable food and lots of alcohol. It sounded like a chainsaw and again it had that gargle-like sound going on. I felt one more time my nose being tickled by that “fizzy” feeling coming from his anus as more water was being sprayed out of his ass, his red trunks barely able to contain that. 

The wet blast probably woke other guests I’m sure, as it was, probably, the loudest fart I ever heard, period. Or at least that’s how it sounded to me, as my face was being forcefully held there by my friend, one with the source of those beautiful farts.

Dave didn’t need to hold my head however, because I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t want to. 

As the loud rip pierced my eardrums, I took deep breaths and I could taste that sewer-like ass in all of its raw, gross nature. My head was shaking, the entire bed was shaking. My cock was rock hard and I knew I was reaching my breaking point.

So… I just let it happen, my own shorts conveniently hiding any evidence. I decided to embrace the best, non-verbal compliment I could make to my friend’s skills and I came right on the spot.

Not proud of it, but what I experiencing was way too hot, hot beyond my wildest dreams.

I was running out of breath, but the fart didn’t want to end. Even after I came, I still enjoyed every second of that so I kept my nose into that red swamp. 

20 seconds… how is it possible to fart like this? Considering it was all natural, why does a guy like him even need to fart on command? That’s just… too OP, but damn please don’t dare to nerf him.

I finally felt Dave’s hand letting my head go but the blast was still going, so I kept my head there as long as I could… but that was too much even for my trained nostrils.

I got back up, finally breathing some proper air, even though the entire room smelt like shit anyway.

I looked down, Dave’s ass still roaring, with my friend turning around to stare at me with his knowing, smug smirk, as he effortlessly kept casually ripping such a loud fart.

Before I could flee into the bathroom, leaving him to finish ripping this fart alone, Dave bent his legs up and, from behind, easily pulled (or rather, pushed) me down into his ass again, face-farting me for a couple of more seconds.

He then finished ripping the 32-seconds long blast, ending it with a louder toot.

Finally, the room went silent for real.

Dave was laughing like a jerk and finally let me go. I remained a couple of more seconds with my head planted into his wet, red-clad ass (he didn’t seem to mind) until I finally got up and managed to sit on the bed, even though I looked completely startled, unable to function properly.

Can you get drunk on you friend’s farts?

I was speechless, I just didn’t know what to say. 

I knew that Dave was gonna face-fart me tonight but I would have never expected his farts to be this strong, both sound-wise and stench-wise. This was an impressive feat even for him, this fuckin’ man, a man who always rips massive farts around us, around me, and on me.

“Looks like you couldn’t handle it.” he commented, adjusting his position, now lying on his back.

I stuttered something, trying to both thank him and insult him, which he found amusing.

I finally went into the bathroom and, further evidence of Dave’s hot farting skills, I masturbated. I basically had to as I was rock hard again. The sound of his blasts was still echoing into my ears and my nostrils were still burning because of that sewer-like smell. 

I came embarrassingly fast, a matter of dozen of seconds.

As I came, I heard Dave ripping another, muffled fart from the bedroom, a pretty standard one in terms of length… but I was empty, tired, even though it sounded just as good as the previous ones, albeit very short.

I need a cold shower.

Dave is right: I can’t handle this.

…

And I fucking love it.

The End

[jrstales]

·Games night part 2

All characters are 18+.

Stephen's POV

I lay there spent, my cum covering my stomach. I felt Jake and Ricky moving beside me laughing. 'Fuck, I can't believe you swallowed our cum' Jake laughed.

He and Ricky slid off the bed. Ricky grabbed his t-shirt and wiped his soft dick, before throwing it onto me. 'You got a little something, right about there,' he teased, as he motioned to his solid stomach. 'No shit sherlock' I snapped back grinning.

Jake pulled his shorts back on and jumped on to the sofa. He lay back shirtless, arms behind his head showing off his pits, ' so, who's cum tasted better?' Jake asked.

Ricky walked beside him and sat down, not bothering to put his clothes back on.

Jake threw his arms up and moved across the sofa 'Seriously Ricky?'

'What?'

'Dude. You're just sat there with your dick out.'

'And?'

'And - your sweaty ass is all up on the sofa'

Ricky just laughed, 'You just got sucked off beside me, and you're worried about me sweating on the sofa. Nah, more comfortable this way. I'm appreciating the breeze and I've got nothing to hide. Keep your dick caged if you want, or just get comfy'

Jake just stared at him for a second, then said, 'Fuck it.' and kicked off his shorts, getting nude beside him.

'Thats it mate. Doesn't that feel better?' Ricky said, putting an arm around his shoulder. Jake shrugged it off, muttering 'Yeah, I guess'

I had been watching this from my bed, wiping myself with Ricky's t-shirt which I threw off the edge. I walked over and sat on the ground between them. Ricky stood up, walking to the tv and grabbed the remote, turning on the playstation. I couldn't help but stare at his dick, swinging slightly as he moved. Ricky noticed me looking and smiled. He stood infrotnt of me and started helicoptering, 'Liking the view?', he threw  Jake a controller laughing, 'Fifa?' as he plopped back down beside him.

The two of them started playing, Man U versus Liverpool. Jake had spent a lot more time on FIFA than Ricky and was crushing him. 'You know your goals on the other side of the pitch, right' as his players ran around Ricky's. Ricky was scowling, both him and Jake were really competitive, but FIFA was one of the few things that Jake was better than him at. Ricky's player fouled Jake's, injuring him. The game paused as the virtual ref gave a penalty to Jake's players. Jake gave him the fingers and started lining up his shot, waiting to get the power meter to the right spot.

'So who's cum did taste better Stephen?' Ricky asked. Jake choked, clicking too early and messing up his shot. 'Shit' he moaned, 'thats not fair. You can't distract me like that!' punching Ricky's shoulder.

Ricky pushed him almost off the sofa, 'Hey, all fair in FIFA.' holding him back for a few minutes, eventually stopping once Jake had calmed down. Jake started the game again,  but Ricky paused, and put his fingers in my hair, pulling my head slightly back, 'You didn't answer my question Stephen. Who's cum tasted better.'

Jake had set the controller down, smiling, ' Yeah, who's?'

I was blushing from the attention. I gulped, 'Well, I didn't really get to taste Ricky's that much. It kind of, kind of went straight down my throat. I didn't really taste it.'

'Dude,' Jake put his hand up, 'you were really wild with him. You basically face fucked him.' Ricky took the bait, the faint smack of their palms as they hi-fived. Ricky looked a little embarrassed, ' I mean he took it really well, I just couldn't resist' he looked down at me making eye contact, 'I wasn't too rough was I. Sorry if I got carried away'

I shook my head, 'No, it was kinda hot.'  he ruffled my hair, 'Just remember you can stop us any time you want. Don't feel you have to do anything if you don't want to'

Ricky started to lean back and gave an over the top sigh. He brought his hands down on his hips. 'Well gentlemen, I don't know about you, but I am well and truly hard' his dick was pointing straight to the ceiling. Jake nodded, leaning back showing his own, smiling. Jake turned to Ricky, ''how about we have a bet, we play a match and Stephen sucks off the winner. The loser has to just watch'

'Right, and what do I get out -?' I started

Ricky spoke over me, 'And the loser has to get Stephen off - deal?'

Jake paused for a second before nodding. 'Deal!'

A small argument ensued about what game to play, Jake wanting to continue on FIFA. 'Tekken," I declared, 'if I'm the prize, I get to choose the game. You're both equally shit at it's

They both agreed, and set themselves up choosing character, Hworang versus Jin. The first point went to Ricky, he managed to  spam enough punches and kicks to disrupt Jake's combos. 'So you going to just use your hands, or suck his dick to Jake?' Ricky teased. Jake leaned forward, concentration on his face. Ricky went in for his usual spams, but Jake interrupted it, getting a few combos off and ending Ricky's character. 'One more to go, Stephen, do you want to just start now or -'

Ricky was now leaning forward as well. The two of them try harding. Honestly, I wasn't sure which one I wanted to win. I could imagine Jakes's slight figure, lying in front of me, stroking, his mouth moving later. My mind flashed to imaging myself in Jake's lap, one hand holding me, the other on my dick. I started slowly rubbing my tip.

Jake shook his head. The match started. He stood up, 'No. Save. That. For. Ricky!' he counted Ricky's approach, dropping into a low stance and spamming leg kicks. Ricky was stun locked, 'No, no no!' he cried

'Yes, yes, fuck yes!' Jake screamed over him, as a red K.O appeared on the screen, signaling his victory. He stood up, punching the air in victory. He threw the controller on the sofa and walked over to me, his dick standing taut near my face.

'My reward please sir,' he smirked down at me.

I climbed onto my knees, and looked up at him and his tight body. He took his dick in his hand and gently slapped it against my cheek. I felt a bit of wetness, as a glob of pre-cum stuck to my cheek.

I grabbed onto his legs, strong and well defined from all his swimming, and began gently licking and kissing my way down his shaft. I looked him straight in the eyes as I opened up as wide as I could and began sucking on the top, barely able to believe I was getting to do this, admiring his lean torso, his cut jaw, he even had a sexy bush, trimmed and well managed.

I began bobbing on the first few inches of him, rubbing the shaft with one of my hands. 'Fuck dude,' he moaned, 'your mouth feels so good.' he turned to Ricky, 'Whats a mouth feels like compared to pussy.' Ricky had always been quiet about his sex life with Jessica. We knew they had banged, but he had never really talked about it.

'Jessica was rubbish at giving head,' Ricky  said, standing beside Jake, 'so her vag was always better. Maybe he'll change my mind' Ricky took Jake's  hand  that had been laying in his side and put them on top of my head. He put his own hand on Jake's lower back and his other on my head. 'Dude,' Jake started -

'You can go deeper. He could take mine, give him your full length, go balls deep'. Ricky pushed my head all the was down, so my nose started to get tickled by Jake's pubes. His dick was only six inches, but I wasn't very experienced as I started gagging on it. I tried to back off, but Ricky held me there. 'How does that feel?'

'Fuck that's hot' Jake moaned. He backed his hips off before thrusting forward, going slow and deep, taking almost his full length in and out. I did my best to rub my tongue along his tip as he fucked my face. 'Thats fucking awesome. God he's using his tongue' Jake moaned, beads of sweat forming at his temples.

Ricky smacked his ass, 'Thats it stud. He's been gagging for it all night. Give him another load.' Jake didn't need told twice, he grabbed my head and kept thrusting, a faint slap as his balls hit my chin. I was barely able to keep up, I was drooling, every time he retracted his dick another was of saliva came out and  I felt like I was dribbling, but I didn't care. my dick was leaking non stop, a puddle was dripping down my leg, I could feel my dick twitching by itself I was so turned on.

Jake started moaning. 'Fucking yeah. Here. I. Come!' he punctuated each word with a thrust, each thrust firing another shot of warm salty cum into my mouth. Even when he had finished shooting he kept fucking my face, moaning the whole time. Eventually he slowed down, the stopped, panting, trying to catch his breath. He smiled down at me 'Holy shit'. I looked up at him and grinned, swallowing his second load of the day.

Once he had composed himself he took a step back and helped me to my feet, 'Fuck that was good.' He turned to Ricky and gently punched his shoulder, 'Time for your forfeit buddy. He did good work now, so you better make him squeal'

Ricky just looked me up and down, 'Oh don't worry,' he scooped me up over his shoulder, one hand touching my ass and walked to the bed. He looked over his shoulder at Jake smiling, and tossed me onto the bed

'Oh,' he said, looking down at me sprawled there, 'I will'.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Drinks loosen my tongue

Bucktommy/ T (for implied daddy kink. It's more like a pet name really)/ 568 words

For day 3 of @bucktommyfluffebruary

Buck is already in bed when the knock on the door interrupts his plans for going to the best adventure when you're an adult - sleep. With a frown, he gets back to the living room, trying to understand who can have a whole ass disaster to come to him at 1 am.

“Sal? Tommy? What?”

“Din don, parcel for you,” the older man says with exasperation, pushing his boyfriend in his hands. “He had way more than he should have and told me way more that I need to know about your ass or how deep your daddy issue goes. Have fun, baby boy. Keep daddy out of trouble. Bye,” with a finger gun and a wink Sal is gone, closing the door, before Buck can even react to the whole situation.

“Bye?” Buck says absentmindedly, trying to move his basically sleeping boyfriend.

“C’mon, Tommy, babe, help me there,” he shakes the body in his hands.

That’s when Tommy finally opens his eyes and smiles at him, “Ev’n, b’by, I’mm ‘ome,” he mumbles and kisses Buck on the cheek with gusto. Buck's pretty sure he was aiming for the lips.

“Miwed y’,” Tommy says and then hiccups, “n’d you ‘aked now,” he tries to take Buck’s sweats down, but succeeds only in almost pushing them both to the floor.

Buck pins him to the wall, “easier, tiger. All you're gonna get is cuddles. Maybe naked if you're gonna be good and let me get you to bed. Ok?”

Tommy nods, letting him take his boots and jacket down.

“C'mon, to the bedroom.”

Buck helps him and carefully makes it to the bed, where Tommy falls with loud ‘oof’. With a shake of his head Buck takes his jeans and shirt off, laying down near his smiling man, who already gets back to trying to get his sweats down.

“Now c-c-can d‘a’y have a treat?” Tommy says in his ear, but Buck pushes him off again.

“When he's sober enough for it,” Buck says, kissing Tommy’s nose, “and not hungover,” he turns away from Tommy, who snuggles closer to him, grinding his half hard cock in his ass.

“Ev’n, baaaaaa’y, please, d’a’y nee’s youuuuuuuu,”the grinding gets faster and Buck turns back to face Tommy.

“Can't you wait for the morning?”

Tommy shakes his head with a pout that can rival his own. “Pleeeease, just a tip, let d’a’y put just a tip in his ‘eautiful ‘oyfrien’?”

“Beautiful, huh?”

“The most ‘eautiful, in-cre’i’le, kin’, amazin’, w-w-won’erful,hot, sexy man of man ‘reams. I love yu so much, ‘a’y,” Tommy kisses his neck. “S-so lu’ky to ‘et you,” another kiss, “so lu’ky to ‘et you ‘ack after I ma’e a mi’take,” three more kisses, “I love you, Ev’n.”

Buck chuckles, “I love you too. And I would really appreciate you telling me all that sober, ok?”

Tommy enthusiastically nods.

“Can you wait for tomorrow before fuck me? I’m tired.”

“Noooooo, please, ‘a’y, d’a’y nee’s you nooooow. I pro’se you won’t feel a thin’.”

Buck raises his eyebrow, “Tommy, you have a nine inch dick. I will feel it no matter that.”

Tommy pouts on him with puppy eyes that are somehow even cuter when he is drunk.

“Ok,” he sighs, “let me get lube and d’a’y can put more than just a tip then.”

Before he can open his nightstand, he hears loud snores. Chuckling, he goes to sleep too.

[swagammemnon]

Caught in Honey

Chp 1 | Next

Am I feral over these men? Yes. Feral enough to write a fic in the most disgusting PoV? Also yes. Here are the warnings; more to come as I add chapters. Basically, the premise is you and John are together, you used to be with Simon, but you don't know Simon is one of John's subordinates. Filth and fun ensue.

The keys jangle deafeningly in your lock, hurting the ears that had been subject to the endless pitiful howls of a golden retriever who’d been spayed today.  That on top of the grimy sensation on your hands from your last three appointments of the day being crusty, old, white dogs with crocodile tear stains.  Despite your exhaustion as you tumble through your doorway, you notice your elderly cat is not in his typical post on the keys table by the front door.  Notice that something in your renovated penthouse apartment is… off.

Slipping off your shoes, you quietly pull out the flashlight taser your boyfriend had gifted you a mere month after you started dating.  When you protested, you live in the suburbs for goodness’ sake, he’d replied in that deliciously gravely accent of his, It’s this or I assign a military escort when I’m away, love.  So, you’d taken it, rolling your eyes because you knew you’d never be able to win against him on this particular subject.  This was the first time you’ve ever reached for it.

Tiptoeing down the entry hall to your open floor plan kitchen and living space, you frown as you spot steaming pots on your stove, your cat happily sat at his filled food dish, munching away.  Unbothered furball.

You nearly scream as huge arms ensnare your waist, bag falling to the floor as you’re lifted from the ground.

But then a rough beard, familiar and ticklish, scratches along the shell of your ear.  Your stomach flipping over itself.

“Got you,” comes the familiar growl.

“John!” you nearly squeal, wiggling until he sets you on your feet so you can turn.  The moment you do, his lips are on yours, consuming your entire reality.  Molten heat pouring from this bear of a man into mouth, invading your veins, melting you into his arms.  Your heart immediately skips a beat, galloping faster as you feel the heady crush of his arms around you.  Snaking your arms around his neck, you let yourself dissolve, a welcome end to a long, grating day.  Between breaths, on swollen lips, you whisper, “You didn’t tell me you were back.  I would’ve made you something–”

“None o’ that, love.  ‘S my job to take care o’ ya,” he grumbles, chasing your lips for more.  More heat, more fire.

Still, the guilt twists in your tummy.  Yes, you’ve just finished your fourth of four ten hour shifts this week, but John… he’s in far more danger than you could ever imagine, risking his life on adrenal squeezing, back breaking missions.  Only to come home and cook you dinner… feed you cat .

“But–” you murmur, setting the flashlight on your counter so you can fist the soft cotton of his dark t-shirt.  He’s freshly showered too, smelling of moss, tonka and sandalwood.  The scent slides shackles around your wrists, drawing your arms tightly against his shoulders.

“Hush,” John commands, greedy bear paws sliding beneath your scrub bottoms, slipping them down the round curve of your ass.  “Just lemme feel ya.”  

You shiver as those huge palms close over the globes of your asscheeks, forcing you to your tiptoes.  Grinding your pelvis into his.  Where a delicious heat is already building.  In the end, there is no winning against John in a contest of chivalry.  Dogmatic devotion that had nearly frightened you away in the beginning. He’d shocked you early with that, staunchly refusing to let you open a single door, showering you with affection both verbal and physical, keeping you tucked beneath his shoulder on the inside of the sidewalk.  Small things.  Innocuous things.  Things you’ve never even thought of before as you made your own way in life.  Not until John.  Not until your ex…

But you shut that thought out immediately.  You weren’t together for a reason.  And John, sneaky little shit, had made himself a fixture of your life.  In the betweens of his deployments.  Even during–with bouquets of flowers delivered to your door or your hospital.  Your favorite meals delivered much the same.  Little texts when he could, pictures and videos that always had your hand sliding between your legs.

“Fuck, swee’art,” he groans against your mouth, walking you against the edge of your counter.  “Missed you so much.”  

He shoves your scrub bottoms down your legs, nipping at the corner of your mouth as he leans his weight into you.  Arching your spine with a large palm splayed along your lower back.  John is an extremely tactile man–and you discovered you were too.  John always shoved hands beneath clothing, not to initiate anything (sometimes) but just to soak in the skin to skin warmth.  You voice absolutely no complaints as his palms eat up your skin, coursing from the joint of your thighs and ass, up under your scrub top to scratch along your ribs, thumbs bullying beneath the wiring of your bra to graze the underside of your breasts.

You release a heavy breath, fingernails digging into his shoulders, bones already trembling as your body begins to remember the outline of him.  The weight of his muscles against you.  His intoxicating scent writhing in your nose.  The scrape of his calloused fingers along your skin.

“Missed you,” you mumble into his hairline as he mouths along your chin, his teeth drawn to your throat like a magnet.  Eagerly replacing the marks he’d left on you before this deployment.  Staining you anew as his own masterpiece.  His groan is rapacious, blasted heat scorching your tender skin.  “Let me clean up, first, baby.  I’m–”

“Don’t care.”  Fuck, his thick as molasses accent might as well be glomming onto your body, trapping in honey as the achiness in your muscles bubbles to the surface.  Your silly brain, now hardwired– trained , smarmy bastard–into relaxing, turning off.  His teeth are sharp and thrilling as razor blades against your throat, eagerly waiting for you to cut yourself on them.  “It’s your Friday, yeah?”

God, how you’ve missed his voice, how his hands cup your waist, your generous hips and drag you where he pleases.  Those torturous hands bully under your scrub top, clearing a path for hungry palms and bruising fingers.  You’ve missed those handprints too, painted along your body, a reminder of his strength, his passion, his protection.  Mindlessly, you nod, your gut knotting as he hoists your ass onto the cool counter without even a shred of effort.  If you really tried, if you truly wanted to, you’d never be able to escape him.  His job is his body, and he does it so fucking well.

“My sweet girl’s tired, then.  Working that pretty brain all week.  You deserve a li’l break, don’t you?” he cajoles, luring a wounded, beaten animal into his trap with the sweetest honey.  You go all too willingly.  Even as your cheeks heat in embarrassment, the admittance to your exhaustion, the weakness.   But there’s a reason John is the captain of his unit—perspicacious eyes stripping anyone and everyone to the bone within minutes of meeting.  You’d been no different.  And his idolatrous words cut straight through any walls your ex had forced you to raise, like the months you’d spent building them, fortifying them, were naught but air between you.

Your blurred thoughts shake away as John’s thick fingers suddenly close around your chin, fingertips pressing into your cheeks.  Puckering your pretty lips.  His enthralling jewel blue eyes are lidded and smug, a dangerously sharp edge glinting beneath.

“ Don’t you.”

John has made it his mission to carve self-compassion into your muscle and sinew.  Just as you had made it yours to him.  But it was hard .  After years of driving and driving and driving yourself into the ground.  Just one more semester, just one more class, just one more test, just one more year and you did it .  But at what cost to yourself?  Years of putting yourself aside in pursuit of your dream, it left crippled habits and cruel voices in your head.  Your ex—he’d started to heal the long-callused burns, help you lay your own foundation beneath the heavy weight of your life’s work.

But then it ended…

“Get ou’a your head,” John all but growls, tearing your focus violently back to him.  “You know the deal, love.  When I’m here, I get your attention, mm?”  Releasing your trembling breath, you nod, chin dipping into his warm palm.  Broken down all too easy after your exhausting week, clearing the path for your usually managed anxiety.  John knew that.  He knows everything .  “Now answer my question.”

You nod, a jittery hollowness bleeding through your limbs, leaving achy exhaustion in its wake.

John dips his mouth against yours, plush lips just touching as he teases you with a kiss.  “Words.”

“I do,” you plead, eyes stinging as he gazes sternly (fondly) down at you.

“Mmm, good girl.”

Those two words kick a moan from your chest, has your fingers clenching on the lip of the counter as John releases your chin.  Only to brutally rip your scrub top off, revealing your ugly, old-reliable bra.  You flush, staring down at the ratty thing.

“I would’ve worn something else if–”

“Swee’art,” John soothes, swiping greedy hands up your ribs, eclipsing your breasts in his eager grip.  You hum, both an acknowledgement and a barrier to the whimper threatening to spill over your lips.  Your breasts have been terribly sore this week.  And John begins kneading them with a force that has your knees shaking around his waist.  “Be quiet.  Let me enjoy my girl.”

Your jaw goes slack, already shivering as John hikes your knees over his shoulder, scrub pants tossed away, using one hand to flatten you against the counter before the other tugs the gusset of your panties away.  You jump as his breath fans your wet pussy, true slick only beginning to drip from your entrance.  You can’t help but cry out as his chapped lips seal against your clit, and you need to sink your fingers into his thick hair, grown out and shaggy after months away but your hands are dirty.  Never truly feeling clean from a day in your hospital until you shower. 

But when John wants something, there's no waiting, no denying. And fuck, doesn’t it make your eyes roll?  The long drag of his tongue up your slit sure does, hands curling around the counter’s edge as an anchor.

“Fuck, John,” you moan, lids closing as he settles his broad shoulder between your thighs.

“Looks like my pussy missed me too, eh?” He snarls smugly against you, laying a sloppy, wet kiss against your clit.  “Poor thing, already weepin’ f’me.” 

You gasp as he slides one finger into you, burying to the first knuckle. Not enough.   Not nearly enough after all you’ve had has been your fingers and the little bullet vibrator you managed to save when John pillaged your toy stash.  You don’t need toys when you have me.   Honestly?  You’d laughed in his face, but had been curious if he could live up to the statement.  Well, toys don’t live up to the thorough fuckings John carves into your body.

You whimper, eyes caught on the ravenous glint in John’s gaze as he watches his finger sink deeper. Groaning as you clamp down on the invasion. “Relax f’me, darlin’.”

Your soft, dripping walls tighten despite his command as his finger bottoms out. Curling into the spot you can never quite tease as well as him. Into the spot that has your thighs quivering, your elbows giving out fully and your back hits cool countertop.  One finger, one damned finger he rubs in maddening circles over that gummy, delicious spot inside you.  One finger is all it takes to have you shuddering with the bleeding of your tension.  Giving in.

You sigh, a knot in your spine uncoiling as you fully set the weight of your legs on his shoulders.  It is bizarre, what little things your brain filters out, like tension, until you feel it blissfully drain away.

“There she is,” John coos against your scorching heat, wetly sucking on your swollen bud like it’s his own personal sweet.  You moan through your nose, hips shifting as he begins to pump that single digit in and out.  You can feel the drag of every single callus on that finger. Too skilled and dexterous for his own good.  The slick trickling out of you soaks your panties, dampens your thighs. “Just lay back, swee'art. Lemme take care o’ ya.”

And so he does. In a sloppy, salacious mess. He stretches you on a second finger too soon, hips bucking into his mouth as he swirls his tongue around your clit before sucking the throbbing pearl into his mouth. The sting of stretching on him too soon merely sharpens the pleasure pooling behind your navel.  You scream when he nibbles down, nose buried in the soft flesh of your mons.  His other hand digs into the fat of your thigh, bruising and stalwart, ceasing any retreat.  You can feel his beard scraping at the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, the friction burning as it shoots straight into your core.  His puffs of breath in between rude slurping and squelching fan like fire over your skin, draggin you further from coherent thought.

Your abdominals flex, his fingers petting your walls in a ploy to soothe the throbbing of your pretty little pussy.  But he merely makes you gasp, flinching as a sharp pulse of pleasure rips through you.

“John,” you moan quietly, breasts aching inside your bra, demanding he just rip the confining thing from your body.

 Sliding in a third finger, the silver-tongued bastard presses his other palm flat over your mons and lower belly, heavy and insistent as though he can make the fingers inside you touch his palm outside.  It makes you groan, arching off the counter though his stony hand keeps you pinned.  You feel so stuffed full, you can almost swear his fingers toy with the gummy tip of your cervix.  Your pretty lips part around the choked out moan John rips from you with a sudden, harsh thrust straight into your cute little womb.

Every time.  Every time your body forgets what it feels like to be fucked by this man.  Every time John carves himself a niche anew deep inside your body.  Fuck, this is only his fingers?

John laves your sopping cunt with his tongue, filthy wet sounds echoing in your ears as he sucks your clit back into his mouth.  Sucking with obscene fervor.  The scrape of teeth has you bucking into his mouth again, and he lets out a rock deep groan, vibrating straight into your core.

“Tha’s it, swee’art,” he purrs against the pulsing skin between your legs, the praise vining through your limbs, scraping delicious quivers against your bones.  “Get ya nice and loose before I split you on my cock.”

“ John ,” you whine, fingernails bending as you press them into the stone countertop.  Heat caresses your cheeks, those depthless eyes snapping up to meet yours.

“Tha’ what you want, sweet girl?” He seats his fingers deep, massaging gyres into your heat.  His smirk is almost mean, mocking sympathy at you as your thighs tremor around his head.  He seats his lips against your clit—a threat as he starts finger fucking you without mercy.  Fast, squelching, your arousal coating the inside of your thighs, dripping down the sensitive skin between your arse cheeks.  

“Gonna give daddy an orgasm?” he croons before dragging the broad length of his tongue over your clit.  Your thighs twitch inward, your stomach pulling tighter and tighter.  John doesn’t stop watching you, your face for the slightest twitch for him to exploit.  You grit your teeth, tears gathering on your lashes as a half-scream leaks past your lips—the pressure, the heat, the intensity of John on you after so long almost fucking painful.  Brows knit together, all that pours from your mouth are beseeching moans, whines as his tongue moves from stroking to circling.  Depressing the bundle of nerves as he swipes it around your slick core.

“Oh fuck,” you whimper, finally breaking as you viciously curl a hand in the collar of his shirt.  Wanting to pull him closer, push him away but you’re stuck.  Frozen and at his mercy.  “Fuck, please.”

John listens, mouth sealing against your clit as his fingers brutally stretch you, pounding into you as your  arousal pools embarrassingly in his palm, drips to the floor.  But his eyes merely darken, lids falling to half mast as he moans against you, feeling how your thighs close, tense and shaking.  Your mouth falls open in a silent scream, face pinched as that coil snakes tighter and tighter.  Painful and pressurized and you’re afraid you’ll crack apart once it releases.  Fuck, you’re already twitching, shuddering as the thunder gathers.  Claps with a deafening bang, lightning striking your blood as one last thrust you feel through your entire body ignites the storm.

Your voice chokes in your throat, body curling off the counter, nails digging bloody strips into John’s shoulder as you break apart.  The lightning grips you, John only making it worse as he works you through it, enraptured by the devastated visage you paint above him.  He could die a happy man right here, your voice finally breaking free with a wretched scream, tears tracking down your cheeks as shocks ripple your body.

You can feel your release gush against John’s beard, filthy and wet, the knowledge of how pathetic you became in mere minutes adding a sweet burn to the pleasure.  Clawing air into your lungs, you whine—sob—his name, your body belonging entirely to another being as it shudders, shatters with your stupefying release.  Your abdominals clench, muscles contracted and shaking to the point of ache , stealing more and more of your air.

Finally, finally , your orgasm releases you and you collapse back onto the counter, heaving miserable little whines on every breath.  John keeps his fingers stuffed inside you, his tongue turned supplicant and languid as he licks the last of your pleasure from you.  Licks until you're keening, pawing at his cheek, asking the man to take pity on you.  He does, eventually.  Rising from his knees and gently lowering your useless legs away from his shoulders.  

John presses down over you, letting you feel his sturdy weight as his mouth captures yours in a sloppy, heated, open-mouthed kiss.  You’re too weak to do much more than breath in his scent as he steals two, three, ten more kisses from you.  As though he is starved of your touch, needing to take in as much as he can as though you’ll disappear.

When he pulls back, you’re sluggish, eyes barely open as you pant like a dog in heat.  The man might as well have sucked the last of your energy out.  He sees this, and your belly warms in a calm, safe sort of way as he smiles down at you.  Entirely besotted, entranced, enchanted with the sleepy, fucked out look on your face.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, mm?”

Drop a comment or follow the Ao3 link and tell me what you think! I'm really interested in getting feedback on my first 2nd person PoV piece ever.

[hux-and-gay]

Grocery Store Meet Cute

here’s a Kylux Oneshot for you guys :)

I was inspired by THIS

let me know if you want me to do Kylo’s POV too

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Hux dragged his feet through the sliding doors of the convenience store. He’d lost count of how many cups of coffee he’d had but it still hadn’t been enough. He’d been so engrossed in his work he had lost track of time again. Time? What time was it? He checked his watch. Nearly 2 AM?! Right that’s why he was in this dreadful place to begin with. Everything else had been closed. He just needed to do some quick shopping because Phasma had basically cleaned out his fridge over the past week. Sleepily he grabbed a cart. He contemplated just getting something microwavable but one look at the frostbitten dented boxes and he reconsidered. As he walked towards an aisle with something more to his standards, someone caught his eye. It wasn’t that he recognized this person, he was a complete stranger, but there was something about him. He was tall with broad shoulders, longish black hair, dark eyes…

Hux shook his head. What was he even staring at? This man was a stranger, albeit an attractive one, but a stranger nonetheless. What if he noticed him looking? He quickly turned back to one of the shelves in front of him bending down to get a loaf of bread. He checked the date. Three days till expiration? That’s ridiculous! He leaned down further reaching his hand back to see if there was one with a better date. He grabbed one and stepped back, hitting his head on the shelf above as he did so. “ow! Shi-“

He stopped himself standing upright, rubbing his head, and glancing at the stranger making sure he hadn’t witnessed his embarrassment. 

The stranger was putting a bag of Doritos into his cart. Doritos? Why do you need Doritos at… He checked his watch again. 2:05 Am?! Subconsciously he found himself watching the man, observing things about him. An oversized band T-Shirt, saggy shorts, smeared eyeliner, and bunny slippers? Who in their right mind would wear bunny slippers in public? He grimaced at the thought of how dirty they must be after walking through the parking lot still wet from the rain earlier that day. Involuntarily envisioning the soggy fabric and stained soles from walking across the filthy convenience store floors. Why was he still thinking about this man? Even looking at him was repulsive but he couldn’t get him off his mind.

How did he look the way he did for such obvious lack of hygiene? What was he doing at the convenience store at 2 Am? If he was going to eat Doritos this late why was he buying cool ranch of all things?!

He felt a tap on his shoulder. 

“Hey.”

Hux jumped and turned around quickly

“OH GOD!…”

He recognized it was the stranger.

“good lord you startled me. Do I know you?”

“Uh I think you dropped something”

The handsome stranger nodded to the floor where the bread Hux had been holding had fallen. He must have been so distracted and tired that it had slipped from his hand and he hadn’t noticed. 

“Oh- thank you.”

He bent over grabbing the bread and placing it in his cart.

“no problem… nice ass” 

“Thank yo- Wait WHAT?!”

The stranger had already begun walking away 

—————————————————————————

I did it you guys! @dragonflies-draw-flame @friendlyneighbourhoodwhiskeyaunt

hopefully I did y’all’s posts Justice

—————————————————————————

@not-so-allegiant-general @thegeneralorder

@diabollicallyangelic @theosb0rnway @tomatette

[wolverineluvr]

Content Warning ⛈️: First time writing smut. Fluff and smut. Vaginal penetration, fingering, unprotected sex(I forgot condoms existed), bleeding from an injury. Reader is referred to as "girl" once or twice. Fem bodied reader! Not proofread (I can't reread my own works I'm too embarrassed)

Summary🔎: When some random guy basically crash landed in your back yard, you certainly weren't expecting this.

Ft. Fallen angel Toji

Words: 2k

After a crash comes from your backyard, it's reasonable to say that you were pretty concerned. It woke you up at like, 3am! You want to beat whatever caused that's ass! But, you're still scared.

You groan, it woke your cat too! Now the little fucker's running around. You sigh, getting out of bed. "Calm down you lil' rat." You say, as you pick up your cat, Ash. You pet and kiss his head but he just struggles to get out of your arms, so you set him back down. You're just wearing a random baggy t-shirt and some shorts.

You walk out of your room, Ash trotting after you shortly after you leave. Walk to your kitchen, you have a rather small house, 2 rooms, 1 bathroom. You look out the kitchen window into your backyard. Fearing that you'll actually see something. It's too dark to see outside. You walk to the door to your backyard, Ash rubbing and headbutting against your legs.

You flick on the light switch and open the door. The light outside it on now, you look past your screen door and see...

What the fuck?

Why is there a random guy in your backyard?

Why does he have wings???

The guy seems pretty beat, rubbing and holding his head with a groan. He's sitting in a small crater. What the actual hell? You open your screen door, walking outside to make sure Ash doesn't get out. "What're you doin' in my damn backyard!?" You yell, looking at the man. His eyes look up at you, before narrowing in a glare. "Shut..up." The man grumbles, starting to stand. The man's.. attractive. You can give him that.

His pretty, forest green eyes, and his charming jet black hair. He's tall, and he looks extremely strong. Which causes him to be, well, intimidating. And it almost stops you from speaking but, this is your house. "Yer in my backyard! Don't tell me to shut up!" You yell, now scowling. "Tch...you're too loud.." The man grumbles, His legs slightly trembling but he manages to stand. "Yeah!? And what the hell're you s'posed t'be? Some cosplayer!?" You yell once again, this time raising your voice louder on purpose.

The man shoots you a glare, your mouth goes a little dry, and you almost shut up.

"Ugh, where am I anyways?" The man sighs, to which you quickly snap at him. "I just said that you're in my backyard!" You yell again, quickly regaining your attitude. "Stop yellin', loudmouth!" The man with greyish wings says, taking a step towards you, to which you quickly step back, your hand finding it's way to the door knob of your screen door.

You step on something, a rock you think. It hurts a little, since you're barefoot. You glance down and kick the small rock away, still scowling. When you look up, the man is closer, now on the concrete of your backyard. Your hand twists the doorknob open, but you notice the man holding his head, he's bleeding. Despite being rude sometimes, you still don't want to be really rude. "D'you.." You clear your throat as the man looks up at you. "D'ya wanna come inside?" You ask, the man, hesitates, before begrudgingly nodding.

So, it's been a few days since then, and now you have a roommate. And you've learned his name is Toji Fushiguro.

"Go away." You groan, laying in bed. "Nope." Toji hums, also laying in your bed. "S'my bed asshole. Yer in my house, listen to me." You sigh, rolling onto your side to look at him. "Nope." He says again. His arms are behind His head and his eyes are closed. His wings are tucked under himself, they're a light grey to white and they're fluffy. He's wearing some casual clothes, sweats and a black tee-shirt p. You move and try to kick him off your bed. It doesn't work. You groan and get out of bed, it's 6pm. Ash curls up beside Toji, causing Toji to pat his head. You're probably gonna go get some food. Maybe takeout or something. "Where're ya goin'?" He asks, opening one eye to look at you in the doorway. "T'get some food." You say, glancing back at Him.

"Well damn, get me some too." Toji says, closing his eyes once more before rolling onto his side. You sigh and roll your eyes before walking out of the- your -room.

"What the fuck?" You're confused. Why's your damn bathroom a mess? And why is Toji just sitting on the edge of your bathtub? Why is he only in a towel?? "Shut up, y'r bathroom is too damn small." He says, scoffing. His wings are wet. Like, really wet. You laugh. "Awh, does poor baby need help?" You mock him, he shoots you a glare in return, as usual, through his dripping hair, covering some of his face. "Fine, you want help? Then don't be an asshole." You say, walking into your bathroom. He scoffs and stands up, "Nothin' I can promise." he shrugs. "Shut up." You say, walking to the bathtub. You drain the water and then refill it with pretty warm water. And bubbles, of course. Who doesn't like bubbles? And, maybe it's to make it so you can't see into the water as easily.

Toji waits, he looks irritated, but, well, of course he does. "Alright, get in," You gesture to the bath. "I fuckin' tried that already." Toji grumbles. You sigh. "Yeah, well, it's your wings right? So like..try to keep them up or somethin'?" You say, lightly shrugging as you look up at Toji, who's currently standing up with his arms crossed over his bare chest, and you're sitting on your knees on the floor.

"Fuckin' fine I'll try that." Toji grumbles and you turn away as he gets into the bath. Eventually, you look back at him. Your bath seems a little too small for him. Your face gets a little warm from seeing Toji bare chest, and the knowledge that he's fully naked in your bath.

"Uhm, so, d'you need help with..anything?" You say, looking at Toji. "Just my damn back." Toji grumbles, moving a little closer to the now turned off faucet, signaling for you to help him. "Oh alright," You murmur, sitting up on your knees and leaning over the bath. You get a bar of soap and a loofa, getting it ready before slightly scrubbing Toji's back. You try to be careful around his wings, you don't know how sensitive they are.

You start with his upper back, as he waits for you to be done. You eventually decend to his middle back before you hear him speak up. "Y'wanna wash my front too?" You can hear the smirk in Toji's voice.

"What?" You say, thinking you heard him wrong. You don't even know him that well.

"What, ya can't do it? Too much of a pussy? Alright," Toji shrugs, and you take that as a challenge, although in reality, you do really wanna do it. "I'm not a pussy, asshole!" You grumble, taking up and looking down at Toji. "Alright, then take of yer clothes and get in with me." Toji says. You scoff, roll your eyes, but move to slip off your shirt, pants, and underwear.

You can feel Toji staring at you, through you. You feel your body getting hot. You notice Toji moving back a little and gesturing for you to get in the bath. You do, slipping into the bath whilst slightly covering yourself. He holds your hips, putting you on his lap. You try to not look down, and stare up at Toji's face. His hand moves to peel your arm away from your chest, before pausing. "This alright with ya?" Toji says, glancing up at you.

You nod, before murmuring a small yes. Toji's smirk widens a little, as you allow him to take your arms from your chest, and his hand moves to start to lightly need your breasts. You feel his other hand moving down from your hip, to your core.

You put your arms around his neck. His large, rough middle finger starts to tease you, causing light whimpers to spill from your lips. His index finger soon starts to enter you, slowly moving in and out of you before he adds his middle in. He starts to move his hand a little faster, his rough thumb expertly moving to rub your clit. "Mm, Toji," You lightly moan, moving to attach your lips to his.

It surprises him a little, making him pause in his movements, you think you did something wrong, but Toji quickly reciprocates the kiss, his fingertips moving to lightly pinch and play with your nipple, his hand quickly continuing to play with you. You cup his cheek, tilt your head, and move a little closer to him on his lap.

You feel his hard on press against your stomach, causing yourself to get wetter. You pull away from the kiss to catch your breath, you feel that knot in your stomach building up. "Nhh.. Toji," You murmur, causing Toji to pinch your nipple a little harder. "Yeah, sweet girl?" Toji says, continuing to use his fingers to stretch out your wet pussy, his thumb presses hard on your clit, before moving again, drawing another moan out of you. You feel the knot in your stomach about to snap.

"Don't-.. I-I mean.. I wanna.." You clear your throat from embarrassment. "I wanna cum on your..um.." You struggle finding the words. "Take yer time," Toji says, his smirk changing to a shit-eating grin. Your anger bubbles up a little again. "Fuck me Toji!" You grumble, your hands clenching into fists as you continue to hug Toji's neck.

"All ya had t'do was ask," Toji hums, thrusting his fingers into you one last time before taking them out of your core, making you frown a little from being empty, but excited, knowing what's coming. He picks you up but your hips, aligning you above his dick. He slowly lowers you down, you let out a breathy gasp, your hands finding place on his shoulders. You've never really seen Toji's dick before, so you aren't sure how large it is, but it feels big. Bigger than you've taken before.

The tip is in, and he continues to lower you down, trying to be gentle, though, know he's making small noises himself. The stretch burns a little, and you try to relax yourself to make it easier. Eventually, he bottoms out. You're not too tight around him, but you still need to adjust. He feels you clench around him as he makes a small movement. "Please- Move.." You choke out, causing that shit-eating grin te reform on Toji's face.

"What, already dumb on my cock and I haven't even moved yet," Toji coos mockingly, but starts to slowly pick your hips up, moving you up and down on him. He feels you move your hips as well. "I'm not dumb, asshole-" You say, but get cut off by a moan, you tuck your head into the nape of Toji's neck as he starts to slightly thrust his own hips up, as well as picking up the pace of him using your hips, he uses his thumb to massage your clit again.

"So-" Toji grunts. "I'm the asshole 'ere, but m'bein' nice and fuckin' ya, should I just stop then?" Toji says with faux concern. "No!" You spit out, causing you to feel embarrassed. "Please.. don't stop.." You moan into Toji's neck. "S'what I thought." Toji hums, moving faster now, causing the water around you to splash, but neither of you mind it getting your floors wet.

"Fuck..Toji!" You squeal, feeling your orgasm coming. "Shit," Toji grunts, feeling your walls clench around him and your fingernails digging into his back muscles before you cum on his cock, your walls spasming as he continues to move through your orgasm.

After you finish Toji feels himself almost done as well, so he continues to move, leaning down to suck and bite at your neck. "Shit shit shit! Inside.. fuck..please!" You moan, your arms around Toji's neck tighten. You feel Toji's movements stutter, before he shoots his load into you, his hands on you relaxing, and he pulls out.

"Was that good, princess?" Toji smirks, looking at you. You shyly nod before Toji gets up and out of the bath, picking you up and putting you down outside of it. "Go take a piss or whatever n'I'll finish washin' myself up." Toji grumbles, grabbing the loofa from out of the bathtub. You nod, and, although feel embarrassed, you go to the bathroom.

Toji's laying beside you in bed, an arm over you you're pulled close to his chest. "G'night." Toji grumbles. "Night.." You respond. Guess someones takeout got cold that night.

(Note, this absolutely sucks ngl)

[sephtissss]

God was playing a prank on me when he decided I couldn’t draw bc why am I plagued with visions of feminine Neil AND I CAN’T SHARE IT????? Pls I have SPECIFICS.

The internet is talking about Neil again. He’s prone to scandal, but this time it’s not his fault. Conservative exy fans are PISSED bc he decides to grow out his hair past shoulder length and his face is just too pretty (This is canon) so with the long hair combo they think he looks too girly (and ofc Neil claps back with a long response on twitter that basically just says Fuck You but with a Kendrick diss track level of animosity). ANYHOO

One of his favorite fits rn are these oversized overalls that Renee bought but couldn’t fit. He wears them year round with a lose t-shirt on warm days and thick sweatshirts/sweaters on cold days. You’ll often see him around campus in these overalls with his hair down or maybe pulled half up.

And the VISION I had of Neil in 2 French braids that just reach his shoulders. Dan thought it would be fun to braid his hair since it’s gotten so long and Neil genuinely loves the braids and refused to take them out. He looks adorable in his sweatshirt just chilling in the lounge after practice.

Allison teaches him how to do makeup and at first Neil finds it a pointless hassle and quickly decides he doesn’t want to waste time hiding his scars. But the eye makeup was kinda fun and he found he liked playing with the colors and glitter. And he always liked when Andrew wore eyeliner when they go to Edens so he wouldn’t mind putting on some quick makeup when he feels like it. Sometimes it completes the look :)

During after game interviews, Neil has his hair pulled up in a ponytail and he’s wearing his bandana but he still manages to get long strands of hair plastered to his face with sweat and its not not a good look…

Occasionally people spot him on the street during his runs in his usual atrocious running shorts and hair pulled back or walking casually, hair in a bun and his shorts and baggy tee combo (Neil is LUCKY those big ass jorts are trending). One day he sticks a pencil in his bun and forgets about it all day and it kinda slayed.

At banquets and formal interviews/events, Neil likes playing with makeup and wearing loose flowy pants that, when he stands with his legs together, look like a skirt.

Dan and Matt have gifted him a lot of jewelry over the years, so now Neil has a collection of rings and necklaces that he wears occasionally. He likes the look of them but they do tend to bother him if he wears them for too long. They tend to be reserved for Edens or banquets.

Andrew is getting gayer every day but he’s lowkey part of the problem. He studies Neil’s new style and buys him SO much clothes. That man spoils his not-boyfriend so much. He’ll be at Target buying like batteries or smth and then randomly come across pretty hair clips or some pants he knows Neil will love. Oh he’s definitely responsible for Neil’s entire shoe collection bc that man would wear the same ratty old sneakers every day if it weren’t for the red converse and doc martens that Andrew bought him.

Anyhoo, that’s pretty much it. It’s been almost 2 years since he’s been on the run and Neil’s realizing what his style really is. Clothes have no gender, he likes the look of his long hair (which is very different from his dad’s hair), and he’ll wear whatever the fuck he wants thank you very much.

[respectthepetty]

Make Shin Suffer for 35 Minutes!

Full disclosure: I like Guide. He is a good actor, but I like him aesthetically because he is beauty and grace, and I am desperately in love with his face, so my thoughts on Bake Me Please have always been biased meaning . . .

I loved the Bake Me Please special episode!

Shin is still a Black Brooder and a jerk.

And Guy is still fine and the obvious better choice.

But Shin is very much in love with his Blue Boy Peach and has started incorporating Peach's color into his wardrobe.

However, on the day he is finally able to see Peach due to Peach's busy schedule, our Black Brooder decides to wear pink! Because he is very much in love with Peach, and Peach picked this shirt for him.

But Blue Boy Peach doesn't give one eff and tells Shin to change back into his normal black then abruptly leaves.

Shin is worried Peach no longer loves him, but Atom assures Shin that Peach is very much in love with him, so much in fact that it makes Atom sick to his stomach.

But the entire friend group does suggest that perhaps Shin's boring ass personality is to blame for Peach's distance since Shin tends to bore them to death every single damn day.

So Shin sits on that honest truth, and with some convincing from his friends, he decides to surprise Peach.

He asks Peach if he is doing something on the 17th, which happens to be Shin's birthday, and Peach replies that day is a very important day.

Now, Shin is all kinds of excited as he bakes a Torta Caprese highlighted by the blue background for his Blue Boy.

But Peach doesn't show up claiming to be somewhere else celebrating someone else since Shin said he didn't want to do anything for his birthday, so we flashback to the boys asking what Peach wants to give Shin for his birthday, and he states he wants to sleep with Shin.

The entire table is shooketh by this way-too-much-information truth!

But what Peach means is he wants to sleep with Shin every night in their bed in their home as in he wants to move in with Shin. Once Atom fully recovers from the scary thought of someone wanting to have sex with Shin, he immediately questions his friend's sanity by reminding him that Shin is, well, Shin, and who the hell would want to willingly live with Shin? (remember that his brother had a crush on Shin, so Atom is definitely holding grudges, and I love it)

Then, Atom proceeds to list all of Shin's shitty quality WITH supporting examples.

And tries one more time to help his friend see the light before he ends up married to this man with a mortgage, a kid, and a dog named Ruffles. *shudders at the thought*

But Peach is Peach and double downs on his BIG feelings for Shin, so the guys decide to help Peach be less weak for that jerk and devise a plan to make Shin suffer for reasons that I think are totally valid since they just want to see Shin in pain which who wouldn't?, but they do this under the guise of forcing Shin to see how much he wants Peach around.

But the problem is Peach is ready to cave the second Shin texts him.

The guys know how to handle this and take Peach's phone away and threaten him to stay strong so they can all reap the benefits of watching Shin possibly cry.

It's a constant battle, but the boys remain steadfast in their goal of making Shin pay for all the shit he put them (AND ME) through for six episodes.

But I do appreciate that Peach recognized how fine Shin looked in that pink!

Finally, the big day is here, and Shin is peak Sad Boy energy and probably listening to Drake's "In My Feelings" on repeat, so, of course, the fam is ecstatic and very pleased that their plan to make Shin lay on the floor in the fetal position worked in Peach's favor!

But they pull one more stunt and decide to change the writing on Peach's cake to say "I'll give you a good time tonight" instead of "I want to live together" which would have matched Shin's cake.

Basically, they are doing the Lord's work!

And everybody wins including my light x dark duo!

But especially the audience because we deserved to see Shin miserable for 35 minutes, and we also deserved to see Shin lift Peach on that counter, and . . . eff it! Just enjoy the visual.

And I'll enjoy my Oab x Guy crumb.

I needed this, and I deserved it!

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

Lt. Governor Randy McNally

Featuring Tenn. Lt. Governor Randy McNally

Here I am on a trip to Nashville, TN to hook up with a guy who happens to be Tennessee Lt. Governor Randy McNally. We've been communicating through Instagram which have been mostly supportive, and arguably flirtatious. Nowhere near cyber-sex, but I had the 79-year-old grandfather so horned up with my pics that we had to meet. And I’ve always been daddy fodder.

When I got to Randy's room, he was ready and waiting. He was still in his suit, watching porn he’d ordered and already sporting a big hard cock too which was already turning me on. I walked further in and he followed me with his eyes. Hmmm, this might be fun, I thought.

"You look sexy." I said in a playful manner as he got up to greet me with a kiss. As I began to kiss him back, I slowly felt the silky smooth texture of his tongue sliding in my mouth. I felt his hands grab my bare ass and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his cock growing hard as my own stiff cock rubbed against him.

“Finn, you can turn a rainy day into rainbows and sunshine!” He said as we momentarily broke our kiss.

Quickly, he started unbuttoning my shirt, unzipping my pants, and basically tearing my clothes off as he moved his tongue around inside my mouth. This are not the actions of a ‘grandfather’ working to ‘encourage’ Tennesseans. These are the actions of a perverted 80-year-old man looking to fulfill his closeted sexual desires. And I love it.

I asked him if he’d been with a lot of guys before, and he told me just one and that all they’d done was jerk off together. I told him he was in for a treat.

By now he was working his shirt off as we made our way back to the bed. He was hopping on one leg as a shoe came off, followed by his sock. He shook his shirt off his arm, as he got his other shoe and sock off. His pants fell to the floor. His jockeys were tented out, as he stepped out of his pants. He slipped them down, and I had to stop undressing, and stare at his wonderful dick. All six inches of it pointed out and was framed by his grayish brown pubic bush. His nuts were hanging low to his body. He spun around, like a dancer and showed off his butt grinning before saying, "It's all yours, Finn."

I was just staring at his body. The body Randy was giving me. I was overcome with lust as all my blood had to be in my 7- inch dick. I broke my trance when Randy moved to me, and as he was undoing my belt, he whispered, "Like what you see, do you?"

I could only nod. I placed the palms of my hands on his chest, as he opened my pants. His hand was on my hard dick, feeling and testing the size.

"Oh, yeah." He moaned, as he ran his hand down my tender, sensitive cock. I was afraid I was going to cum right then.

Slowly, Randy lowered himself until his mouth was at my crotch, and he ran his tongue up all seven inches, before gently pushing me towards the bed as our bodies melded into one. His hard dick was teasing mine, as once again, our tongues found the other's mouth. We squirmed up onto the bed, without letting go of our grip on the other. Hands everywhere, as we hugged and rocked each other.

Randy started kissing my chest, travelling lower and lower. He took my cock into his hot mouth, and I knew this was what I wanted. His mouth left my hard dick, as his tongue licked my nuts. I had to tell him that I wanted to taste his cock. But this married grandfather was a ferocious cock hound. He couldn’t get enough of sucking my cock, and from the way he was doing it, mine wasn’t the first dick that old Randy had sucked.

I grabbed his head and started fucking his mouth. No mater how hard I shoved my cock down his throat, the old cock sucker took it and pushed his face against my crotch for more. His mouth was so hot I thought it was going to burst. I couldn’t remember it getting a blow job this good. I was getting close to cuming when Randy suddenly pulled away.

At first I thought that he had enough, but then he turned his cotton white ass toward me and said, "Do it, Finn. Fuck me. Fuck me now. Please, Finn. I need to be fucked."

I took one look at his hairy ass with his set of bull balls hanging down between his legs, spit on my hand and slicked up my cock the best I could. Seeing his hairy ass and his huge balls started my cock throbbing. Hell, I thought I was going to shoot off before I could get my head into him. But damn if his hairy asshole didn’t almost suck my cock inside. I knew then and there that Randy had been doing more than just sucking cocks. And talking about hot!

Then I was holding his hairy ass with both hands and fucking him so hard that Randy was shaking his head and moaning like a two-dollar whore. Suddenly, this 79-year-old East Tennessee Republican was screaming, "fuck me" over and over again. Every so often he would squeeze my dick with his ass muscles, rocked left and right, spreading his legs a bit wider as I continued to pick up the pace.

I was close to emptying my seed, when I put him on his back, and fuck his ass the way he would have fucked his wife, missionary style. I begain running my hands all over that wonderful, hairy chest while my cock repeatedly drilled his ass as old Randy grabbed his cock and started jacking it. By the time I was getting close, my married man was begging me to fuck him harder. And from the look on his face, he was getting close too.

I double my effort and pounded his butt even harder. That did it. With a loud cry, he grabbed the bed sheets and his cock spewed cum all over his chest and stomach, his body convulsing with each spurt. It was only another three or four strokes before I slammed up against him and held myself there, my dick in him as deep as it could get.

"Fuck!" I gasped as my cock began to throb, pumping my load into his ass. Another married man conquered and another notch on my bedpost.

[candiid-caniine]

gender euphoria

[cw: this is NOT a detrans/misgendering kink post, but tries to subvert some of those tropes, so please treat it with caution!]

sissy kink blogs DNI

outside the bedroom, i demand respect. i own my pronouns, talk openly about genderqueerness, and flaunt androgyny.

but inside the bedroom...my relationship with gender changes. i'm transsexual in the sense that power dynamics in my sexual relationships directly influence my gender(s). what do i mean by this? i mean i want you to treat my non-conformity as a blank slate on which to project your preferred gender.

i am an "it," first and foremost. but i can be a "she," a "they," or a "he" if so inclined. i can be your butch, your femme, your fag, your twink, your femboy, whatever you want me to be.

and i'll resist. that's part of the fun of it: in day-to-day life, i'm most comfortable as an occasionally femme-leaning androgyne. that makes it fun to push back, easy to feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, and a little self-conscious (though not dysphoric) in a different presentation.

i take any pronouns, after all. so butches who love femmes, goad me into skirts, lacy lingerie, makeup, stockings, heels. watch me falter and cling to your side when we go out, feeling like i'm being stared at, unaccustomed to the kind of attention high-femmes usually get. make me show off my cleavage. call me "she" exclusively without switching. call me a good girl, call me a princess, make me suck your cock like a good little wife. force me to grow my hair out for you, yes, the undercut, too, and watch me get fussy and flustered at the unwelcome sensory input of it touching my neck. get me long acrylics, watch me fumble at everything requiring the use of my fingers; step in to help, coo over your clumsy girl - it's basically like mitting a puppy, isn't it?

if you prefer masc partners, get me a binder. watch me squirm at the compression. get me on a workout regimen to bulk up, even; spend a lot of time proving to me that no matter how fit i get, you'll always overpower me. no more cutesy hair clips, no more high-waisted jeans, or skirts, or femme-ish jewelry: make me your boyfriend. coach me into talking in a lower register. order T for me off the dark web, admire my stubble and my bottom growth. if you top, fuck me in the ass exclusively. if you bottom, get me the strap that best reflects your preferences. i'd even get top surgery, as long as you're paying~

or mix the two. make me your femboy. get me a packer, but also dresses. nitpick me over the right mix of boy-as-girly, watch me get more and more desperate to please your expectations, until at last i'm just surrendering my wardrobe to you, losing confidence in my ability to dress "properly." call me a good boy, your pretty little prince. i'm even okay with the gentle kind of goading, the presentation-shaming, calling me soft, saying i'm not dressing like a real man, if that's what you want.

or just lean in fully to the genderless thing that i want to be in the bedroom, but make it be all the time. what does an "it/its" look like? when your gender is pet, how do you present in public? well, that's up to you. maybe it's the most revealing clothes you can find, or simply the most embarrassing: underwear and pants that are a bit too small, riding up my ass and cunt constantly. shirts with slogans like "young, dumb, and full of cum" or "clown school graduate." anything that makes other people think i'm ditzy, impressionable, and silly, or don't know my own wardrobe sizes. collars, 24/7, are, of course, mandatory. maybe cuffs, too.

the whole time, watch me be unsure as my androgyny is picked apart, more and more of my core gender identity bent to your whims. watch me automatically start to seek your approval on any piece of clothing or jewelry i own. i'll start letting you speak to the hairdresser at salons, giving up any autonomy i have over my own hairstyle. you could take me to a piercer or a plastic surgeon or a tattoo artist, tell them what you want me to look like, and i'll sign the consent forms. treat my lack of gendered presentation as a clean slate, free for you to write your mark all over. make me your creature. as if i wasn't already.

[faegoddessog]

Dripping in Leather 2/2

Part 2 of 2: Ass over teakettle

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, Cunnilingus, unprotected PIV (play safe ya'll), fingering, overstim (f&m), him in that black fucking leather (swoon)

Summary: I'd not spent much time alone in Austin's house, but he was off to the gym and I had some getting ready to do. I wandered into his office only to see the '68 leather sat on the mannequin and dusty as hell. 'Well, Elvis would NOT abide by that!' I said to myself. Maybe if I cleaned it and happened to leave it on the bed... maybe... just maybe Austin would put it on for me. It was a long shot, but you never know unless you ask.

A/N: A big thank you to @richardslady121 for this request and inspiration! Writing Austin in the '68 leather was... arousing, to say the least. I hope all ya'll beautiful people enjoy it! Let me know what you think! I appreciate all kindly feedback. Please message me if you'd like me to tag you on future work!

Part two: Ass over teakettle

I am sitting at the antique vanity in his bedroom back in L.A. I’m in my bra and panties.  My hands are pulling my hair back, there are bobby pins in my mouth. I’m trying to decide how to wear my hair for the spring costume party we had been invited to tomorrow night. The theme was, ’come as your favorite decade’.  I had brought over a couple 50’s dresses I wanted to try on for him. 

I look up into the mirror to find Austin leaning against the door jamb, watching me with his arms crossed. There is a softness in his eyes and a hint of a smile on his gorgeous lips. 

“Oh! I didn’ hear you ge’ home, babe.” I say through the mouthful of bobby pins. He had been in meetings all morning and decided to hit the gym that afternoon.

“Well, I was being ‘sneaky’,” he says in his silliest Gollum voice while tip-toeing across the room to me. His hands tickle my torso before sliding around my waist. I squeal and giggle at his antics, barely keeping the bobby pins in my mouth. It’s moments like this, when he is just his goofy self that I treasure. 

“I think you should go to the party like this, we’ll call it the Decade of Debauchery,” the look he gives me in the mirror makes my heart rate increase, just before he bends over and presses those full, soft lips to my neck. The bobby pins make tiny tinkle and clinking noises as they hit the marble vanity top. These are the other moments I adore, when he is the epicenter of all my sensations and the world just falls away around us. 

I turn around and kneel up onto the low stool in one motion. His arms wrap around me and I press my lips to his, my body to his. His hand floats to my cheek in a classic Austin-style kiss. I love it when he does that. It makes me feel like the only girl in the world. 

“Will you try it on?” I ask when he pulls back. 

He looks at me confused, then follows my head nod to the bed. 

On the bed is the ‘68 special double black leather. 

He turns back and gives me a pursed-lip look, frowning just a little. I wonder if he is mad that I brought it in here. 

“Listen,” my palms face him placatingly, “I was in your office putting away a book when I noticed it was dusty. So I took it off the mannequin and cleaned it. It smelled so good and you are so…. I just thought maybe…” my voice fades a little as my eyebrows plead. 

“Darling,’ he caresses my cheek and kisses my forehead before taking a big breath in. “I spent too much time with him and have too much respect for the man he was to make him into some costume party joke. I won’t wear it to the party and that’s final,“ his tone is kind, but firm.  “Let’s figure out something else. I can do the basic jeans and white t-shirt James Dean thing, then we can match?” he offers with raised eyebrows. 

“Oh, I understand not wearing it to the party,” I say matter-of-factly, “and that’s not what I’m asking, I want to know if you’ll wear it, “ I lick my lips, and give my best fuck-me eyes, “just for me?”  I have been dying to see/touch/fuck him in the ‘68 leather, ever since I confessed to him my go-to masturbation routine when we were in Mexico.

“Oh,” he turns his head to look at the outfit again, “is that it?” he looks back at me, his head cocked to the side. “You, uh,  cleaned it huh?”

“Uh huh,”  my palm draws circles on his chest, nearly distracting myself, “rubbed it down with leather cleaner and conditioner. Took me all afternoon.” 

“Did it now,” he smiles slyly, ”I think I remember Catherine telling me that if it got cleaned, I should wear it for a while after, just so it- uh- keeps it’s fit.” 

“Smart woman, that Cathrine,” I nod seriously. I have no idea if she actually said that or if that is remotely necessary, but I’m not looking any gift horses in the mouth.

“Well then,” he blows out a breath, ”I guess I have no choice now.” 

His shoulders begin to take on the slightest sway and his hips start to roll as he walks to the bed. He picks up the pants, unbuttoning his own. I only just refrain from clapping my hands and jumping up and down. I can’t help the gigantic smile on my face though. 

“Go get yer dress on then lil’ mama,” he nods to the bathroom. It’s like just touching that leather wakes up the Elvis in him. 

When I come out of the bathroom in my new halter neck, pastel striped, picnic swing dress.  My hair is swept up in a neat ponytail and there are pearls around my neck. The outfit came with a pair of shorts. But oh darn, I forgot to put them on… oh no. More than just my legs flash through the front slit as I take the two steps in my kitten heels,  into the bedroom. 

Austin is sitting on the bench at the end of the bed, facing away from me. He seems to be leaning down tugging on his boots. I guess the boots are a requirement for the ‘68 leather. I imagine he is having a mental conversation with Elivs right now, checking in, making sure this is all right. I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be.

I think I can hold it together, though my insides are shaking like a leaf. I can do this, it’s just Austin, I’ll be fine. Then he stands up, fiddling with the front of his jacket.  

Oh. My. God. 

Even from the back he looks so seductive and powerful.  He rolls his broad shoulders, shrugging them a little, almost as if he is shaking out nerves. Images of the film flash through my head and I’m not sure if I’m dreaming.  The tall collar hides his neck but the sides of the jacket angle to his snatched little waist, drawing my eye down as if to say ‘welcome lil’ darlin’, here is my gorgeous fucking ass’. 

And gorgeous it is. I am literally drooling, from both sets of lips. 

He takes a deep breath and rakes his hand through his hair. As he turns around, everything seems to slow down: his hands pulling his jacket down at the waist, his loose-hip swagger, my heartbeat, my breath. 

The pants are aesthetically snug over his legs, not as tight overall as the ones he had on in Mexico, but they show off his legs, if not his dick.  The jacket opens in a long, narrow V, from the high collar to just below his sternum, and is fastened in an overlap at his waist.

The boots, yup, the boots were necessary. His whole body just oozes Elvis’ swagger.  With the exception of his blonde hair and lack of sideburns, it’s my very own fucking Austin/Elvis walking toward me. As he gets closer, one of his hands reaches for me and the front gaps open, giving me a peek at his muscular chest. 

My heartbeat drops into my pussy and my lungs just can’t, they just won’t. 

“Why you look good enough to eat lil’ darlin’,” he drawls in that southern sex-god voice. 

Thank god he has pulled me close, as my legs are threatening to buckle under me. I can feel the thumping of his heart mimicking my own in my ears as I press my hand to the skin of his chest and all I can do is stand there. My fingertips clumsily pawing down his chest, I am unable to form thoughts. I am completely starstruck, no- pussystruck,  whether for Austin or for Elvis I have no clue at this moment. Thankfully, my reptilian brain kicks in and forces me to draw a shaky breath before I pass out.

“Austin, I… I…. holy fuck,” yup, my brain is not yet online. No one should be allowed to be this sexy. It’s hazardous.   

In a decidedly un-Elvis moment, he puffs out a breath and looks down bashfully, then back up, a typical shy Austin look. It breaks me out of the spell enough to remember this is Austin, my Austin. Out of nowhere, it suddenly hits me just how much I love this man and the extent that I would go to just to see him happy. I mean, yeah, we’ve been dating for over a year and it’s been wonderful, he has been amazing. I figured I loved him, but it’s not until this moment that I realize I am totally head over heels IN love with him. Fuck, what does that even mean for us? Neither of us have ever actually said the words. Should I? Does he even feel the same? What the hell is going on in my heart and why is it like 15 sizes too big for my chest.

“H-how does it feel, baby?” I manage to ask. Having not yet processed my feelings in the blink of an eye, I use Austin’s trick and put the focus on him.

“Well, I’ve definitely bulked up in my thighs and shoulders since then,” he laughs, body shrugging and twitching, “but Catherine had left them roomy so I could move,” the last two words are dripping with Elvis. He plants his feet a little wider apart and rocks his hips right to left, hands out to his sides. How many times had I watched that scene?

How many times had I watched my baby move his hips like that on the screen and wanted nothing more than for him to do it for me.

My body response is Pavlovian. 

A whimpery sort of moan flies from my chest along with the oxygen that I had just managed to recover.  He apparently has no idea what he is doing to me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to control my reactions. This wasn’t going to be any fun if I just stood there and drooled at him. Cuz that’s sexy.   

Then I feel his lips pressing, almost chastely, to my own. I melt into him. The vast puzzle of emotions that just cascaded over me, suddenly click into place. 

I am in love with Austin Butler and it’s just that simple. 

“You really do look stunning, darlin’,” that fucking voice, his voice is in my ear. My panties would be wet, if I had any on. 

I open my eyes to his blue ones, inches from my own. Yup, I’m ass over teakettle and that’s that. 

I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my hips to his. Maybe I can somehow gain control over the puddle of mush he’s turned me into. 

“You look like a bad boy, are you gonna corrupt me?” I say, batting my eyes in a useless attempt to look innocent. I run my finger down his neck to his chest. My hand plays with the edges of his jacket. 

Austin laughs softly, his eyes following my hand. 

“Well, I can’t promise anything,” he smirks, ”afterall, temptation is hard to resist when you look so… delicious.”

“I mean,” I shrug one shoulder, giving him the barest of pouts, ”what’s a little temptation between friends?” 

“Friends?” his eyebrow cocks and he pulls his head back a little. 

Fuck me, why did it have to come out like that?

“It’s just the expression,” I shrug the question off. Completely thrown by my very own self, I do the only thing I can and let my hands slide over his hips and down under his bum. The supple leather is starting to form fit to him, warming up with the heat of his body. The feel of both the smooth leather of the pants and the glorious ass filling them out sends goosebumps down my spine grounding me in the moment. 

“Good, cuz it might be more than just a little corruption,” I can almost feel his heart thumping in my own chest as his hand instinctively moves to rest on my hips. His blue eyes darken a shade. 

“Oh, I fucking hope so, ” I murmur into his mouth as he leans down for a kiss. 

At moments like these, I usually go for his hair. I love running my fingers through his hair. Today, understandably, they are drawn to the leather like a moth to a flame. They plot a course, smooth down his hamstrings and back up his thighs to the front of his hips. My palms turn, pressing into his hip bones before my fingers dig into the muscles of his hips. I pull him closer to me. The leather emits a low creak under the friction of my skin. One hand slides back around, unable to keep away from the curve of his ass. The other hand chases the column of his erectors up his back. My fingertips dig into the hollows of his spine and glutes as he deepens the kiss. 

His hands, which had been warm on my naked back, slide forward and down to discover the slit in the dress. He runs his fingers lightly up my thigh, almost tickling. I can sense that he is expecting to find the panties I had on earlier. The fact that there is nothing but me under my skirt makes him pull back, eyes narrowed at me. 

“Oh mercy,” he slides against my slippery labia, “No panties, wetter ’n April showers, what’s a man to do?” 

‘Me’ I want to say, but my teeth are vicious against my lip as my hips rut gently against his hand. All I can manage is  a heavy “mmmmm” sound.  

Then his hand is laced into mine and he’s pulling me, the low stool in his other hand. 

“C’mon, ‘lil darlin’,” leaning into his accent, “I don’t want ta ruin these by bein’ on ma knees,” as though that will explain him marching me to the bathroom. 

The counter is long with two sinks at either end. He puts the stool down, then clears the space in between with one sweep of his arm. My brush clatters to the floor along with my travel hairspray. My makeup bag and deodorant end up knocked into the sink. A soap dispenser rolls away, lost to the same place as toothbrushes and their stand.  

He twirls me around, grabs my hips and helps me hop backwards up on the counter, legs slightly apart. The slit that starts at my waist, drapes open. I catch sight of the matching shorts dangling from the hanger on the other side of the room and smirk.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, aren’t you th’ lil’ hussy t’day,” he looks me up and down, “It’s like y’ want me t’ fuck ya silly.’ 

“Well, yeah… that’s the general idea,” I raise my eyebrow at him. My tongue rubs against my teeth and upper lip corner. 

His chest heaves and his eyes dilate to black just before he is on me. Hands on my tits, tongue in my mouth and leather concealed cock pressing against me as I wrap my leg around his waist. I’m dripping and ready for him. 

“God I love it when you are so excited that I can smell you,” he kisses down my neck and the deep V of my dress. Slowly he sits on the stool, adjusting his cock. I can’t even think of a response before he pulls me to the edge of the counter.

“Give me that pussy baby,” he looks up at me through his long lashes,”Didn’ I say you looked good enough ta eat?” 

My mouth hangs open in a little ‘o’, brows pulled together in lust, nodding. Eagerly I open my legs to his face and I watch as he nuzzles into my mons. I feel his tongue tease my lips, flicking up and down, tasting the leaking juices. His touch is so light, like butterfly wings brushing me. He moves his head, his tongue dangerously close to my clit. I breathe in sharply. I fucking love it when he does this, threatens my clit with touch, only to deny me.

“MMM” he growls as he pulls back, using his fingers to lightly pull my outer labia apart. My pink little lips glisten and wink as I clench for him. I know he likes it when my pussy grabs at him.

“Babeh” he looks up at me, “you are so fuckin’ hot.”

I can barely catch a breath before his face is buried in my cunt, tongue probing deep, nose against my mons. He laps against me.  I want to thread my fingers into his hair and fuck his face. Instead, my fingers curl into claws over the edge of the counter to keep me from falling, at least off of here.

His head moves slowly, nose doing little circles, teasing my clit. His hands are anchored; one under my leg that he has thrown over his shoulder, the other arm around my back, his hand spread wide against my sacrum. His last two fingers digging into my flesh. Little moans flit around the room from both our throats.  

He pulls back, messy faced and licking his lips. My hips buck towards him, wanting more, so much more.

“My needy little hussy,” his voice is so low it’s almost gravely, “you want more?” He pets my pussy with two fingers, “D’ya want me to lick you ‘till you spill on my tongue?” 

“Okay,” more a whimper than a moan.

He just smiles and with an amused shake of his head turns his two fingers over at my entrance. 

“You want these fingers too?” 

“Uh huh,” I nod. 

“You’re going to have to convince me of that, lil’ mama,” his eyes don’t leave mine as he leans forward as he laps at my lips. His fingers spread my outer labia, exposing both my clit and my inner lips. He nestles his face deep, eyes closing. His tongue is like magic just below my clit, rubbing up and down then licking deep into me. His fingers play at my entrance, my hips rock, trying to get him to push inside, but he won’t. 

“Please, Austin,” I moan. 

He just chuckles against my pussy and moves up, tongue swirling around my clit.  I am clenching on nothing, thighs pressing down as my hips press up. Then his mouth closes over my nub with gentle suction. 

“OHHHH Yes! That is so good!” I moan, my head back. 

I can hear the little slurping suction from his mouth on me. The fingertips on my back dig into my skin.

“Austin, please finger me, please,” I beg.

Apparently it’s not enough as his fingers continue to tease and pet but not enter.  

His tongue ripples down along my little lips and pulls my juices up to my clit. The tip of his tongue flickering across as he sucks me into the vacuum of his mouth. 

“MMMM” he moans, long and low, clearly getting into it.

“Oh my-fuck!” the vibrations against my clit are unreal. My vagina pulses, trying to pull his fingers into me of its own accord. 

Heat spreads quickly to either side and down my inner thighs like the red wings of a butterfly. His lips sucking, then his tongue lapping. I’m getting so close. I just need… more.  

“Give them to me, Austin,” I say through clenched teeth, “I fucking need them.” My hips are shaking against his face. 

“MMMMMMMMM,” another long, low hum makes my back arch, pressing towards him.

Then his two fingers are worming their way into me, back and forth one inch, two inches, three, four. 

“Oh! Fuck yes!!! I moan, my head thrown back. 

He slows his finger movement into a long and slow ‘come hither’, pushing against the spongy tissue on my front wall.  His mouth never lets up. 

His fingers in me start to make squashy noises as I flood onto him.

He licks and slurps, his noises of pleasure intensify, his fingers speed up. 

“So close baby, keep going” I moan, one hand finally on his head.

He doesn’t falter for a moment, my baby. He is so good at eating my pussy. 

I can hear the wood of the stool creaking as his hips pulse forward and backward. In the back of my mind I wonder if he is rubbing himself against the softness of the leather as he is eating me out. 

“Harder, harder, yes!” I tighten my grip on his hair.

He is shaking with the effort of pounding his fingers into me. Doubling down on my clit. 

I am moaning non-stop now. A deluge of vowel sounds, near wailing. 

The rising tide finally crests and washes over me. My legs clamp down on him and I rut against his face.

“I’m cumming! I’m cumming! I’m cumming,” I rise in pitch, rise in gratification. 

Just after my orgasm reaches fever pitch, the sound of creaking leather reaches my ears along with his heaving breath.  He is rising, his cock spills out. It’s long, hard, swollen, red and searching for my warm wet slit. Little drips of my juices, of my cum, glisten on his chin, down his chest and on the leather jacket. He watches his cock probe at my entrance, my hips in pursuit, eager to engulf him. 

Never has this man looked hotter about to fuck me, and that is saying something. 

I grab his face, pulling his dirty, fucking, gorgeous mouth to mine, wanting to pull any and all parts of him into me. He pushes home, nearly peaking my orgasm again as I stretch around him. 

A raspy moan resonates from us both. 

He goes slow and deep, pausing to let out a shuddering breath when he is sheathed fully.  I bury my face into his shoulder, into the leather.

Oh. Lord. What did I just do?

The scent of the leather, warm and slightly woodsy, rushes to my nose as I inhale. It carries the barest hint of sweet vanilla from the leather conditioner I used on it earlier. 

It feels like everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I ever needed. I cling to him, fingertips digging into the black material. 

He pulls back, hand on my neck. His forehead is pressed to mine. He is playing back and forth in me.

“Open up baby,” he intones low. 

I open; my mouth, flickering my tongue; my legs, pushing wider; my knees, bending to my armpits; my eyes, gazing right into his. 

“Yeah, keep lookin at me,” his jaw is tight, “I wanna watch you cum again,” his eyes fill my vision, nearly black. His cock fills my pussy, he is so deep in me. He leans back, thrusting hard. Pulling me to him with the hands on my hip and neck

I reach down with my fingers to my clit. 

“Oh fuck yes, show me how you do it princess, when I’m gone,” his voice is gravely with desire. 

“Oh Yeah? “I pant at him, “you really want to see?” 

I fish in the sink for my makeup bag. I dump it onto the counter next to me and snatch my little vibe. 

“Oh fuck, you brought it?”  his hips stop.

“I always do, just waiting for this,” I click it on and press it to my pussy.

“Oh shit baby,” his hips start up again, slower so he can watch me work my clit.

I watch him watch me, my Austin/Elvis in black leather, a second skin. His face is wrapped in growing lust, his teeth digging into his bottom lip.  Good lord he is my dream. 

I can feel myself getting closer, my breath panting, my pussy tightening on him slowly as his cock works in me, keeping a perfect rhythm. Then he glances up at me, catches me watching him. A slow smile spreads over his face, lifting one lip. 

“C’mon lil’kitty, gimme that cream,” it’s so fucking perfect, reverberating so deep in his chest. It’s like a fucking orgasm bomb on my brain.  

I push the vibe directly on my clit and clamp down hard on him. My hips are shaking, my abs pulling me toward him as I scream.  My legs clamp onto him, knees bent and I’m pulling him in as he thrusts against me. I’m so lost in pleasure, I’m not sure if I should stop, or fuck him harder. 

“That’s ma girl,”  He just rides my orgasm out, gradually slowing down his motion. He pulls me close as I shake, his dick still in me. I take one deep breath after another, curled into his chest, my cheek pressed against the soft leather. Jesus, it’s like a drug. 

I look up at him, my face still shrouded in desire. 

“I want you more,” I shudder out. 

“Oh, you are gettin’ more, for certain,” he finds the zipper on my back and pulls it down. I reach and unsnap the collar of the dress at the back of my neck.  He pulls away, unfastening the jacket. I slide off the counter, the dress puddling at my feet. He goes to take the jacket off. 

“No!” my voice is suddenly desperate. I reach out and stop him. 

“I oughta bend you over the counter right here, sweetheart,” he smiles. 

I smile and step towards the door backwards, holding his hand. 

“Uh-uh,” I shake my head, “I need to feel you on top of me in that leather, baby.” I crook my finger, dragging him to the bed. 

He smiles and shakes his head, walking with that tell-tale gait. His cock out, framed in the supple black, and his chest is all exposed. It’s everything I had ever imagined when I closed my eyes after that clip ended. 

And it’s all mine. 

I am staring at him. 

He is breathtaking.

I let go of his hand and crawl backwards on the bed as he toes off the boots.  He stops for a moment, taking in the sight of me. I am propped up on my elbows, not a stitch on. My knees are bent, legs splayed out. 

“God you are beautiful,” he says almost to himself as he looks me up and down. 

“I love th’ smell o’ you,” he takes a deep breath. 

“I love th’ taste o’ you,” the leather creaks softly as he leans down over the bed.

“I love th’ feel o’ you,” his eyes bore into mine as me stalks cat-like up my body to lay between my legs. 

“Baby, I just love you,” he whispers against my lips at the same time “I love you” slips from between them.

His mouth muffles my shuddered intake of breath. 

I lay down all the way,  nearly dumbstruck at his words. I want to say something more. But the softness of the leather on my inner thighs, the warmth of his chest pressed against my body and his soft, sweet lips against mine distract me from everything else. My hands slip between the jacket and his torso, feeling the hard flexing muscle beneath. 

I am so swollen and wet from arousal, his cock slides inside me effortlessly. 

He pulls away from my face, looking deep into my eyes. His hips move dolphin-like, rubbing the soft supple leather against my skin. The sensuality of it is incredible. 

He pauses, brushing a hair away from my lip then cradles my face in his hands. 

“Do you want it?” he nearly whispers, eyes dark, “want me to fill you with it?” 

“More than anything,” I know what he is asking, I grip his ass, pulling him toward me, my fingers making the leather softly groan. Gods, he is so sexy. 

“Alright baby, ‘m gonna fuck that sweet little pussy ‘till I cum in it,” when he says that, I know he won’t stop if I start cumming too.  Sometimes it takes him a bit, sometimes he overstimulates me into oblivion. I fucking love it.  

I wrap my legs around him, nodding, ready for the ride.  

“Fuck me, Austin,” I say low and wanton. 

With a growl he begins buffeting my pussy, almost ferociously. 

The feel of his naked ass flexing under my hands is one of my favorite things.  But now,  covered in the smooth second skin of his pants, my god. He puts his head down next to mine, hips snapping to me, in pursuit of his pleasure. The slap of the leather against me is surreal. 

My hand threads into his soft hair. It’s like the holy trinity, his cock, his ass and his hair, all in my grasp.

“Fuck that pussy, ” I know how much he likes it when I talk dirty in his ear, especially when he’s chasing his orgasm.

“Your cock feels so fucking good.” It does too. I start to clench down on him, grabbing at his dick with my pussy. 

“Oh god yes,” he moans into my neck. 

“I fucking love it,” a sly smile creeps over my face. 

“Fuck yeah,” he moans.

He sits back on his knees, the coat falling down his back, his tip just teasing me. Grabbing my hips, he pulls me up onto his lap, impaling me on his cock. The leather is stretched smooth over his thighs, rubbing the back of my legs, tickling my ass. He hits me just right as he moves in me. 

“Ohmigod! Yes!!” I moan, my core tightening around him,

“You like that?” he says through clenched teeth, pounding into me. 

“Yes! Yes! I do, fuck! Oh fuck!” my orgasm begins to bloom, like ink in water, threading its way through my body. 

Suddenly pleasure saturates my cells as I cum, arms thrust outward as though to keep me in this plane of existence. 

He keeps fucking me, jaw tight. At this point, my orgasm is as much for him as it is for me. He definitely gets off watching me writhe on the end of his pounding cock. 

My hips buck on him. My head thrusts back. My tits bouncing as he keeps thrusting. 

“Yeah, so fucking hot,” he murmurs, gripping my hips harder. He doesn’t miss a beat. My baby has the cardio capacity of a fucking arabian stallion. 

I am shaking, fists tight on the comforter as another surge of pleasure rises over me. 

He groans, guttural in the back of his throat as my hot wetness floods his dick. I know he is close, or I would know if I could think straight. His leather covered hips pummel into me, slapping my skin. The earthy warm smell suddenly hits my nose and I groan. 

Wave after wave rolls over me until I can’t differentiate between them. I am moaning over and over like an engine trying to start. My brain is fogged with oxytocin and serotonin, I’m not sure where I end and he begins. 

Finally a roar rips from him and he pauses deep, cum pumping from him and into me. He thrusts one, twice more, moaning at his own movement. He collapses, chest heaving, next to me, smiling. 

I take a deep breath, and push with my leg, flippin over on top of him.

“What the-?” he starts, putting his arm around me. 

I have always wanted to do this, give him a taste of his own medicine. I have to do it now, while he’s still hard.  

On my knees I grip him like a race horse, sliding him back into me. I clamp down hard on his cock, and ride him, leather and all, just like a jockey. 

My clit is grinding into his abs, holy shit it feels so damn good. 

“Oh- holy- fu– what— god!” his eyes blink and flutter in confusion at the overstim I’m giving him. He doesn't shove me off though, in fact he clenches his ass, pushing his hips up the way he knows that I like it when I’m on top. Always the giver, my baby.

My hips snap back and forth, my hands pressing down on his lower ribs.  As sensitive as I am, it only takes about a minute and a half until I’m bucking and jerking. ‘Ohs’ are falling from my lips, and I am gone again, lost in pleasure. 

I shake, I pant. I look down at him. His lower lip is caught hard under his teeth, his nostrils are flaring. His eyelids are still fluttering. 

I slowly raise my hips, like I’m going to dismount. 

“Oh god” he whispers. 

In a fit of pure evil, I slide back down his shaft.   His body curls up toward me. 

“WOMAN!” he belts out, eyes popping open. 

I fall over top of him giggling. 

“Geeze,” he giggles back, wrapping his arms around me, “are you trying to kill me?”

I squeeze my pussy on him. 

“STOP!” he tickles me briefly, making me squirm. “Oh lord, sweetheart. Is that what it’s like? When I do it to you,”  he pants out, “I had no idea.” 

“Yeah,” I lean to kiss him, ”I kinda love it, most of the time.” 

 A bit later, when we’ve both come down, still wrapped together. He is Big Spoon and I’m Little Spoon. He’s still in the leather, so soft and warm against my skin. Austin is playing with my fingers. 

“So, corruption between friends, eh?” He asks somewhat casually with a little chuckle. 

I take a deep breath to explain myself. But before I can utter a word his deep gorgeous voice is in my ear.

“I mean it, you know,” his hot breath on my neck. 

I frown a little and roll over in his arms to look at him.

“That I love you,” that softness of his gaze again with the hint of a smile, “I wasn’t sure you heard me, what with all the you telling me-”

“I love you,” I interrupt him, “so, so much. I’ve fallen so hard for you, Austin.” 

His breath puffs from him, his smile wide as he shakes his head slightly. 

“God you are amazing, I feel like the luckiest man in the world,” he crushes me to him, “cuz I’m so lost in you, darlin’.”

If you want to know, Austin ended up going the James Dean route, with his own leather bomber jacket.  I, of course, had to wear the other dress as the pastel striped one… well let’s just say it did its job beautifully. 

-FIN

[teddybeartoji]

OOOOH those soft asks are so cute um 1 for shoko and 13 for toji !!

OMGGGG HIII PERCE HIIII:3333

FOR MISHO

1. do you and your f/o have knick knacks that have sappy sayings/patterns on them? like "i love you to the moon and back"/"you are my sunshine"/etc.?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE BUYING HER THOSE LMAO AND SHE LOVES PRETENDING TO HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! btw i do collect silly mugs so this is right up my alley>:333333333 got her a mug with "best wife ever" written on it and it's just covered in like low quality hearts and roses it looks like shit and i love it:333 but yes i do love buying the most basic ones too like the question itself says "i love you to the moon and back" etc etc!!!!!! aaand ok this isn't necessarily sappy but i got her a t-shirt with "prettiest princess" written on it and while she literally almost threw up at the sight of it it's now her favourite sleeping shirt<333333333

BUT ONE TIME!!!!!!!! ON MY BDAY. SHE GOT ME TWO LITTLE GIFTS RIGHT?!!?!?! TWO MUGS. "WORLD'S OKAYEST BOYFRIEND" AND "WORLD'S OKAYEST GIRLFRIEND" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! and then she just said that yk she had to get both bc yk i like to switch that shit up oh my god she loves me so much i thought i was gonna pass out at that btw

FOR MIJI

13. how would your f/o do an impression of you, if describing you to someone else? what about you for them?

OOOOH MY FUCKING GODDD HE'S SOOO ANNOYINGGG ok for starters i just imagine a scene of shiu being at out place and he asks us to do the impressions lmao but toji goes "OHHH MY GODD HE'S SOOO CUTEE!!" in a very high-pitched voice😐😐 he thinks he's so funny i hate him i always say that abt every cat i ever see and that ofc includes my own cat so he's hearing that exact sentence on a daily basis aaaaaaaaaandd now that i'm staring at him with my jaw hanging slack bc i can't believe he just did that i go to tell him my other go-to sentence which is just "oh, you're such a dick" aND HE SAYS IT WITH ME AT THE SAME TIME???!!?!?!? I HATE HIMMMM

shiu and him are just laughing their asses off by now i am so close to throwing them both out the damn apartment i can't belive i'm getting made fun of in my own house😐😐😐😐

but the impression i'd do for him is that i go limp on the couch and pretend to sleep (while taking up as much space i can ofc) and snoring loudly as i can!!!!!!!!! he really is a lazy cat in the form of a man smhh aaaaaand he ofc is unbothered by the impression btw he's just staring at me with this weird little lovesick expression i need to punch him in the face (i love him so much perce i'm gonna die)

sappy selfship asks<3

[sesamestreep]

Congratulations on the follower milestone!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

For a thematically appropriate prompt to kick things off: your pick of the Bake Off AU squad and the word "balloon"

thank you, friend!!!! 💫💫💫 and you know if you give me carte blanche like this, I’m going to choose the squad known as “all of them”…

“Helloooo,” Foggy says dramatically, after picking up his phone on the third ring. It had been set on the table, waiting for this moment, but he didn’t want to be too obvious about that when he picked up.

“Did you fill my entire apartment with balloons,” Kate’s tinny voice calls out from the speaker, “you maniac?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he says. “You were with me all day! When would I have had the time to go to your apartment and fill it with balloons? I was too busy representing New York City’s downtrodden in court! That sort of task would require someone who has a much more flexible schedule, because their life’s work is goofy and downright pointless.”

“Oh my god, you got Peter to do it?” Kate exclaims.

“Hey!” Peter yells from across the table, while MJ hides her face in his shoulder.

“Oh my god,” Kate says, again. “Am I on speaker phone?!”

“Listen, if I were you, I wouldn’t go into your apartment,” Foggy says, ignoring all of them. “Probably safer to wait for some of the balloons to deflate a little. You can come meet us, if you want.”

“Ugh, where are you?”

“We’re at McGee’s, right down the street.”

“You planned this,” Kate whines into the phone.

“What on earth gives you that impression?”

“Because you’re a block away from me, dipshit.”

“Huh, that is kind of incriminating, isn’t it?”

“And I’m standing in the hallway, still in my work clothes,” Kate continues to complain. “And I can’t change because of all the fucking balloons, Foggy.”

“You wore a HAIM t-shirt and jeans with a pair of docs to the office today, Kate,” Foggy says, rolling his eyes. “I think you’ll fit in here just fine.”

“My apartment is a Nena song because of you, old man!”

“Technically, it’s because of Peter. And Colleen.”

“Hi, Kate!” Colleen singsongs from Foggy’s side.

Kate groans. “I don’t want to go out tonight! I don’t even want to turn 26, okay? I’m officially in my late twenties now! Do I seem like the sort of person who can be in their late anythings? I’m basically a child! Child safety caps on medicine bottles still work on me, Foggy! I’m not equipped for adulthood!”

Foggy switches her off speaker and puts the phone to his ear instead. “You are not a child, despite the tantrum you’re clearly having, and the only thing you’re late for is your own birthday party,” he says, patiently. “So, get your ass down here. We have cake and everything!”

“Ugh, you made me a cake?”

“Ouch, don’t sound so excited,” Foggy replies. “But no, I asked your favorite baker on earth to make it instead.”

“Sam made me a cake?” Kate asks, sounding impressed. “And shipped it to you? That’s so nice.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Oh, so who—?”

“He brought it with him in person.”

“Wait?! Sam is there?” Kate shrieks, and Foggy thinks he hears her drop her keys in her excitement. “Is Bucky there too?”

“No, Sam left him at home,” Foggy says, while making direct eye contact with him. Bucky’s brows knit together in confusion. “Between you and me, I think Sam’s still hoping to seduce me away from Matt.”

“Yeah, right,” Kate says, at the same time as Matt’s elbow digs into Foggy’s ribs from his other side. Across the table, Bucky’s expression turns into a scowl while Sam and Daisy try to muffle their laughter. “Fine, you convinced me. I’ll be there in five!”

“Oh, so your true friends, who haven’t left New York for greener pastures, can’t tempt you here, but your fake friends who moved away to Louisiana can. I see how it is.”

“You want me at the bar, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Besides, I know it was you that masterminded all of this anyway. So, really, it’s a compliment to you that the plan worked!”

“Wasn’t me, kiddo,” Foggy says, switching the phone to his other ear. “I just helped coordinate logistics.”

There’s a pause in which he hears Kate’s footsteps stop and then a grunt and an apology when she clearly gets bumped by someone after stopping dead in her tracks on the sidewalk. Foggy waits while she processes whatever’s going through her head.

“Tell Matt I love him,” she says, softly, after a moment.

“Tell him yourself when you get here,” Foggy replies, sparing a glance in Matt’s direction and clocking how pleased he looks with himself. “He’s buying first round anyway.”

“Ooh, you should have started with that,” Kate says, and now it sounds like she’s running.

[paperw0rmz]

How to use Pinterest, a tutorial by a kid who wasn’t allowed social media but was allowed Pinterest

What is Pinterest?

Pinterest is a social media platform where likes, followings, comments, don’t fucking matter which means it’s the best social media platform period.

How do I use Pinterest?

First make an account you fucking tard. Do it. It’s fuckinf 2023. Why don’t you have a Pinterest? Make one. Now. Do it.

Anyways

Once you make and set up your profile you will probably be forced by Pinterest to click on interests n shit that you like, you CAN do that if you want, but you can skip it too.

So after Pinterest takes your personal info you can now do the best thing which is starting F.R.E.S.H

First pins

Go look around now! Like cats? Look up cats! Want a recipe? Look up some food! I don’t fucking care! Search around and then click the little pin button which then saves it to your profile so you can check on it later you probably won’t ever look at it again

Reorganize

FUCK! You saved too much random shit and dell down the rabbit hole of pins. You have cats, grandma cookies, and old screen shots from tumblr with an ifunny logo in the corner along with outfits and hair ideas all cluster fucked on your profile! What do you do?

You make boards or even better sections.

A board is where you have basically like a cork board and you can pin certain shit to. So say you want a board for everything to do with Misha Collins, you create a board and then transfer all your saved pins that have to do with Misha to that board and BOOM! It’s organized now : D

Sections are even better!

To make sections you must first have a board, so say you want to then REALLY organize your Misha Collins board. You then press create sections and then label your sections! So say you want crying misha happy misha or mishapocolypse, all of those sections will now be saved in the Misha Board even MORE organized than before!

Expert Mode

Psssh Pinterest is easy anyone can do- wait, five quick and easy ways to turn an old T-Shirt new again? Wait, no hold the fuck on I need to try this. Wait so I just cut it here and then- wait so I tie it here? But how do they- am I missing a step??? That doesn’t make any fuckin- why doesn’t this look like the picture? I don’t get it!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

Has that ever happened to you!? You see an idea on Pinterest and you then try it out and it doesn’t go as planned? No? It came out perfectly? Well you should go kill yourself actually. But before then there’s a really cool feature on Pinterest (that nobody uses anymore really) called Try it! Its a way to show that you attempted to make whatever the original pin made and is a great way to see if it’s actually humanly possible or if the instructions suck ass, also it’s funny to look at peoples failed attempts!

Shit my Pinterest is just misha Collins

Did your Aunt Barbra ask to follow you on Pinterest? Do you have nothing to show other than some Slavic mediocre looking man that you treat like a preteen girl? Post your own shit! Make a board and then sections in it for all photos you take!!! Literally!!! Please!!! It’s so cute to have a digital scrap book!!! I might kill myself if more people don’t show the mundane and boring parts of their lives!!! This is a cry for help!!!! If you want your pins to get noticed make sure you add generic shit like “twilight core Alex g” or “trans Fem robot bdsm” stuff that people just look up you know. Same with the discription, the first 50 words

are what pops up for other Pinterest users, so make sure to use those characters wisely!

Hurray

You now know how to use Pinterest! Congratulations! And of course don’t forget the other feature like:

Commenting on pins, hearting pins, staring pins, the inability to truly look up names so you are forced to send a link to your account instead for people to follow you, the useless QR code, linking in pins, store links in pins, and more!

In all, Pinterest is a very good website and app that allows you to just hoard images and then probably never look at again even though you tell yourself you will. It’s great for creatives, autistic people, and some other people I guess.

TLDR: go ape shit fam