#I thought we was doing yoga with his mum and now I need him with a sexy yoga outfit and bending

[42bakery]

I fucking forgot that Augusto's momis kind of Augusto's mental coach with the Yoga approach.

[look-at-the-soul]

The Photoshoot - Part 50

Cillian Murphy series 2014, 2015

I’m sorry for not posting this sooner! Sometimes time flies and when I realize it’s boom 🤯 a month went by… but my love for these two will always make me enjoy the most for each part. And I can’t believe this story reached part 50!!?!! Like how ?

Ps. Happy birthday Cill 💙✨

Word count: 3,628

Cillian waved at the crew team as they left him in front of his hotel. As it got chiller, he shivered and walked into the small convinience store to get a bottle of water, strolling through the aisles, he found a stuffed duck and immediately thought of Scout, he loved ducks. As he walked past some people, he was aware of the glances and deep down he knew the reason.

The infamous Thomas Shelby haircut.

“Hello you.” He greeted his wife after answering his phone.

“Hey baby, how have you been?” Yael’s voice spread softly to his heart.

“Missing you like crazy.” He admitted realizing he probably sounded corny.

“Well I miss you more.”

Cillian placed the phone between his shoulder and cheek to grab something.

“Give me a sec.” He managed to make it to the register balancing the items in his arms and politely asked the cashier if she could cut the tag from the stuffed animal.

“What was that?” Yael chuckled softly.

“I’m buying some stuff.” He put his wallet in his back pocket and made it out of the store. “How’s it going? How are you ladies doing?”

“I took Mum to a yoga class and then we had breakfast at this cute little café and more ladies stuff.” She explained and he could easily imagine her playing with one of her curls with a beautiful smile on her lips.

“Oh tell me more about that girls stuff.” He stopped at the red light, checking the signal to cross the street.

“We’re getting manis and pedis later.” He loved hearing her laugh. “And oh! Yesterday when we were walking, we found an antiques shop…”

“Oh shit.” He interrupted in a playful tone.”

“Stop it.” She giggled.

“And what gorgeous rare-to-find item did you discover this time?” Cillian asked not being able to stop the smile from growing in his lips. He knew Yael too damn well.

“A painting.” Yael replied shyly. “And I immediately fell in love with it.” She rushed to explain to cover for her excitement.

Cillian laughed, seeing already the scene in his mind. His wife had a weakness for antiques, but he had to admit she had a good taste.

“It’s beautiful and the frame it’s the original, took me a while to properly clean it.” She continued.

“I bet you didn’t stop until getting it hanged.”

“Actually I didn’t, still trying to decide what’s the right place.” He heard Scout barking in the background. “How’s the scouting going?”

“Grand, grand… later we’re going somewhere else, we need some scenes by the river and the caravans look fucking phenomenal.” He explained.

The project was around the corner and he tensed his shoulders involuntarily at the thought of embarking once more into the character’s chaos.

“I can’t wait to see everything up.”

“Alright baby, I’ll let you go to your pedi time, call you later.” Cillian told her that he love her and walked into the store trying to keep a low profile.

He needed to pick up the gift he ordered for Yael.

***

“Mrs. Lieberman, Mrs. Murphy welcome.” The social worker asked them to take their seats. “Let’s see,” she seemed to focus on a sheet before her, the desk had a pile of folders and papers organized with colorful post it. “I understand you traveled for this appointment.”

“Yes, my home is in London.” Isla crossed her leg. “But right now I’m staying with my daughter.”

“I see.”

It was hard to tell anything from Mrs. O’Brien’s expression. Her lips were in a tight line and Yael always felt uneasy, not knowing if she was sharing too much or if she shouldn’t have said that.

“Would you like to tell me about your family and the dynamic you share?”

As Isla went on to talk about her children, talked about how they traveled frequently to be together as much as they could and then she shared a small snippet of a birthday party she held for one of her grandchildren.

“So how would an adoption blend into this? How do you feel about that?”

Although the question was meant to set anyone back and make you question yourself, Isla managed to pull a great comeback.

“Do you mean if I’d love that children less because it’s not biologically my grandchild?” She asked openly and when she saw the social worker nod, she went on. “My husband picked me up from the ground when I was at my lowest point emotionally and economically, for months I saw my daughter struggling with physical therapy to recover from the accident and surgery after surgery and not only that, he took my children as his own and loved us unconditionally, the same goes for our grandchildren. He never made one single comment about not being linked by blood or sharing DNA with any of them, I wouldn’t know how to love Yael and Cillian’s child any other way.”

Yael had to fight back the tears that formed in her eyes. There it was, the woman who always inspired her, opening her heart to say just what she thought.

“To me,” Isla continued. “It’s not about sharing the same genetics… it’s something deeper than that, it’s about choosing to love, care and protect for another human being without waiting anything in return and I know this takes a lot of time and steps but I can assure you my daughter and her husband will be the most loving parents if you give them the chance.”

Quietly, Yael excused herself and walked out of the office, she wasn’t needed there anyways. Emotions were suffocating her and it was impossible to prevent it. Perhaps it was the fact that Cillian was away, or her Mother’s words that touched her heart. But either way, she needed a break, to keep her guard down and trust the process and its own time. But who was she trying to fool? It was damn hard and sometimes it felt like it would never happen.

“This has been extremely hard for my daughter, the process is wearing her out, but I understand this is not like going to the grocery shop and picking a kid. I know it takes time and you’ve to follow protocols and forms, but trust me, she’s the most loving person I know and motherhood has always been her biggest dream.”

“We cannot base the approval on that Mrs. Lieberman, we need to check background, records, psychology tests… we’re talking about a vulnerable child’s life.”

Isla nodded, not wanting to upset the social worker.

“May I ask how long does it takes to finalize?”

The social worker shuddered. “It can be months… even years.”

Isla’s heart shattered by the statement. She wanted to keep a positive spirit, but the time frame wasn’t very helpful.

“That long? And there’s nothing you can do?”

The social worker shook her head. “We’ve to complete each step.”

“But there are so many kids in orphanages.” She had seen it first hand, since the following day she arrived, they went to give away the books Yael bought for the children, spent hours there reading to them. It was bittersweet, but she was grateful for sharing a moment like that with her daughter.

Yael wasn’t doing it just to look good for the adoption process, she was doing it because she learned it filled her heart and soul, because she wanted to make those kids happy.

“I just wish you get everything you need to approve their adoption, they’re eager to welcome their child into their happy little family.”

“We want nothing but the very same.”

Ending the meeting, Isla went to search for her daughter. Her heart beating faster, she just wanted the best for Yael and Cillian.

“There you’re sweetie, shall we go somewhere?”

“Yes, I need some fresh air.” Yael helped her put in her coat and the pair went to the parking lot.

“I probably shouldn’t have stormed off like that.” Yael regretted her reaction.

“Don’t worry about that, the interview was meant to be just for me, and this is draining.”

“But they seem to be monitoring everything, every little thing you do and say.” Yael waited for her green light to take a turn.

“I know you and you’re probably tired of hearing this, but try to take this one step at the time, be patient. I’m sure the reward is around the corner.”

Yael knew her mother’s words were filled with the best intentions, but it was just like telling someone grieving to not feel sad about losing someone they love.

“Let’s focus on something else sweetheart, let’s go to clear our heads for a bit.” Isla proposed, worried about her daughter, she wanted to do something to cheer her up.

“Yeah, we’ve the appointment at the salon already.”

“Yes, that’s a wonderful idea.”

Yael took a deep breath. “I don’t want to tell Cill about this just yet. He needs to focus on his next project and this isn’t exactly a major step or something that tells me we’re getting good news soon.”

Yael took a U turn at the next available exit, following the instructions in the GPS.

As she was driving, her phone started ringing and Cillian’s face appeared on the screen.

“Hey handsome, I was thinking of you.”

“I got a notification marked as urgent that you left somewhere, are you alright?”

“Yeah, we just finished the interview with the social worker and I’m taking Mum for a walk. It’s the app I downloaded for you, it keeps you updated of where am I and stuff like that.”

“Oh so I can spy on you?” He joked and made Isla chuckled. “How did it go?”

Yael took a deep breath before answering her husband. “I hope well.”

“I’m sure of it.” He offered through the phone. “Why don’t you go to the movies to shake it off?” Cillian proposed.

Yael gasped at the suggestion. “That’s a great idea!”

“Yeah.” He added thinking how it had been a while since they went out. Lately he had been focusing on the script and nothing else, he felt bad because as he was getting more and more engrossed on the role, he started to grow apart from his wife. And although she never pointed it out, now that her mother was around, he was noticing the difference.

She was so supportive of each of his projects and with the adoption process, he wanted to make sure they were still connected.

“Listen, I’ve been thinking… why don’t start planning a holiday during Christmas? Or by the time I finish filming? Let’s go wherever you want, hmm?”

“Oh that’s really nice!” Isla agreed, noticing the smile on her daughter’s lips.

“I’d love that.” A few days away just the two of them? Yael was already looking forward to it.

“Alright, it’s settled then, I’m heading to the set now, let me know when you get home.”

“Will do.” Telling Cillian, she loved him, Yael hang up.

“He’s amazing.” Isla expressed, getting out of the car, as they arrived at the salon.

“I can’t wait for that holiday already, I feel like he’s been rehearsing since forever.”

She wanted nothing but have a good rest and not worry about anything else.

“Hello, welcome.” A woman greeted them and asked if they had an appointment.

Yael left her purse by a chair and started checking the nail colors options.

“You look so much alike!” The woman pointed at Isla and Yael in shock. “It’s like you did copy-paste.”

Yael blushed, she was so used to get those kind of reactions, specially now that her mother was sporting her natural curls freely.

Another woman at the salon pointed out the same in awe.

“Thanks. We hear that a lot.” Yael chuckled.

“So who’s Isla?” A kind smile appeared on her face just as a woman that was getting a haircut turned from her chair.

“That’d be me.” Yael’s mother replied waving her hand.

“Isla?” The woman turned around to face. “Isla is that you?”

“Barbara?” Her mother asked cautiously.

Yael looked the exchange with confusion.

“Oh my God I can’t believe it’s you!” Isla covered her mouth with her hands.

As the two women moved to closer to hug, Yael stared at the scene trying to understand the story behind their familiarity.

“It’s been what? A lifetime.” Isla continued.

“I can’t remember the last time I saw you, but after all this time, you still look the same.”

Then, Isla looked around, noticing her daughter’s stare. “Goodness! Let me introduce you to my daughter, Yael, she’s my youngest.”

“Nice to meet you.” Yael greeted the woman.

“She’s Barbara, I used to babysit her and her sister. I was in my early 20’s.” Isla explained her daughter. “And one day, I never saw you again.”

“She looks just like you.” Barbara admitted. “You knew they took us to a government facility?”

Isla gasped in shock. “So it was true.”

“After a few months, someone adopted my sister and I never saw her again, she was only five years old back then, I waited but when I turned eighteen they kicked me out.” Barbara explained.

“You never saw her again?” Isla asked, her heart breaking in the process.

“No, I’ve been searching for her for so many years with no luck.”

“Uhm excuse me? We’ve a full agenda, could we continue while you catch up?” The hairstylist pointed at Bárbara’s wet hair.

“Sorry! Yes.” She stretched her arm towards Isla. “Mind if we go somewhere after we’re done here?”

Isla nodded, feeling like a knot installed in her stomach.

***

Cillian stood in the middle of Arley Hall mesmerized. The place was magnetic, beautiful and oozed this old vibe mansion in every corner.

“What do you think?” Steven asked, standing next to him.

“It’s amazing.” He turned around and moved away just as some crew walked past them with some furniture.

“They’re closing it to the public while we’re filming.” Steven stood there watching everything with his hands on his hips and a smile on his face.

“Are we filming everywhere?” Cillian crossed his arms imagining the scenes in this place, it was a luxury property and according to the script this was Tommy’s ultimate dream house, where he officially kick off and gets what he always wanted.

His ambitions finally materializing, his dreams becoming a reality.

Oh, but the price Tommy would have to pay…

Cillian wandered around. He learned it had been once the home of a wealthy family, it was spacious, the view to the garden was fantastic, part of the house included a cellar, and the second floor was as incredible as the first one, but for the upstairs part, they had constructed a replica on one of the sets.

As he kept walking, he arrived at the kitchen area one floor below, he had never seen something like that, it was rustic and had a huge pantry and an area where they kept the meat stored.

It was a dream, he was practically drooling over it. It was so easy to get lost and imagine how everything would look as soon as the crew got it ready for filming. Walking around, he ended in the dining room, a couple of important scenes would be filmed there.

“I think this needs something else, but I don’t know what.” Steven joined him.

It oozed luxury, it was elegant. The chandeliers sparkled, curtains with fabric that looked so expensive. Cillian imagined the kind of life the previous owners carried before it was purchased as wedding venue and a place open to the public to visit.

“A painting.” Cillian suggested casually. “A huge arse portrait.”

Steven turned around to stare at Cillian, eyes wide open as the realization hit him hard and fast.

“Yes, right there in the back of the main seat.”

Cillian nodded, hands hiding inside his pockets. It was involuntary, but it was part of the essence of his character. He couldn’t help it.

“Can your wife be in charge?”

He nodded quietly.

“Give her a call.”

But he didn’t need to do so. Because his phone started ringing in that very moment and it was Yael.

“Hello beautiful, I was just about to call you.”

“You’ve to sit down, you’re not going to believe this.” Yael started off. She sounded like there was something important she wanted to tell him.

“What’s the matter? Is everything fine?” Quietly he decided to take a walk outside, away from someone listening.

”Mum and I were at the salon, right? So when they call her name, this woman immediately recognized Mum and went to greet her, they chat for a bit. Long story short my Mum used to babysit Barbara -the woman-, when they were younger but one day she and her sister were taken away and she never saw them again.”

Cillian listened carefully, waiting for his wife to tell him the full story.

“Barbara is the Director of the child services office.” She explained him, his heart started beating faster. “She took us to her office, took a look at our records, studies, everything,” Cillian heard her taking a deep breath, “babe, it turns out we were in some kind of blacklist.”

Silence filled the call, Cillian inhaled deeply. “Why?”

“This is horrible but… have you noticed how celebrities go to places like Nigeria or Africa to adopt?”

Cillian kicked a rock he found on his way, processing that piece of information. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know about the adoption process over there, but apparently it’s easier, no questions asked and overnight, they’ve a child, we’ll thanks to that, the kind of surroundings to these celebrities lifestyle they practically catalogued us in that list so we’d never ever get the adoption finalized.” Yael’s words came out rushed.

Cillian felt a vein in his temple pulsing. “Are you telling me because I’m an actor, they practically rejected our application without telling us?”

The realization of his own words made his heart sink to the ground. Not getting the chance to move forward with the adoption process and his wife’s sadness was his fault?

Misery took over him.

“Hold on, I know what you’re thinking.” Yael interrupted his thoughts. “Not everything is as bad as it seems, this woman, Barbara she told us, basically… she’s going to help us! I asked her what do we’ve to do in order to be out of the blacklist and she gave me hope Cill, she explained us a lot of things no one told us about and I understand the reasons why they just can’t give kids to whoever starts a process, but she said literally I know your Mother, and she was always kind to me and my sister, she gave us food when we had nothing, she shared her clothes with us too, I can imagine the kind of daughter she raised.”

Emotion took over her voice, it was impossible not to feel everything right in the surface.

“How are we so sure that they won’t make it harder because of what I do for a living?” He was still processing the impact his career had, never thought it would be a negative reason in the adoption.

“She assured us she’d take our case personally.”

Despite Yael’s words, Cillian still felt doubtful now. Feeling guilty that he was the reason of not being able to adopt a child.

“So what are we supposed to do now? We’ve been begging them for the interviews.”

Yael had been calling almost daily to get the appointments, and now he was able to understand why the process had been so hard, they were trying to push them back.

“Barbara told me she’d give me a call, but I guess we’ve to wait to hear the next steps.”

When her mother told her what the social worked mentioned during her interview, Yael felt deflated. Hearing the process could take years to finalize shattered her heart. But now there was a new chance to move things forward with Barbara behind their case.

Cillian stared into the huge garden, not paying attention to anything in particular.

“Are you still there?” His wife’s voice made him snap back into reality.

“Yeah… just thinking.”

He really wanted to feel her new enthusiasm and positivism, but he also couldn’t help but feel worried, what if they have to face new challenges in the process, all this bureaucracy because of his job? He wasn’t sure to be able to deal with the guilt of knowing that because of him the process could be harder or take longer than usual because he needs to prove that he isn’t like most of Hollywood stars.

This whole thing was a roller coaster, sometimes it was Yael the one feeling down, now it was his turn while she had her hopes up. He hated to admit it but it was draining.

“If you hear anything back, call me yeah? Or text me.” He added after a few seconds, not wanting to drag her down because of his attitude.

“Absolutely.”

“Listen, Steven wants to do some photos, so I think I’m going to change my flight… your Mum is already flying back, why don’t you come with her?”

Yael took her time, to consider her options. “How many days?”

“Just a couple, to get a few photos done.”

“Okay, let me organize my planner and see how can I reorganize the things I’ve scheduled and also I need someone to look after Scout.”

“I’ll call my brother, don’t worry.” He went on walking again, sitting on the edge of the fountain. “I really want to see you.”

She wanted the same, needed to feel him close.

Tag list: @lyarr24 @garrison-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan

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[threewaywithdelusion]

RoyJamieKeeley Fic

Still working on my RoyJamieKeeley post-S3 fic. I got stuck again for a while, but I got unstuck tonight, so he's a little snippet to celebrate.

A few days later, Keeley and Jamie left for Brazil for Jamie’s Nike shoot. Left alone for a week, Roy tried to keep busy so he wouldn’t think about them. He spent time with Phoebe, who was starting to get impatient for summer holiday but could be convinced to spend all her wayward energy on playing football with Roy. He saw the yoga mums twice, once for actual yoga and once for a night of drinking wine, watching rom coms, and gossiping. He told them he’d gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend and they all smiled and told him how happy they were for him and how much more of a grump he’d been without her. Roy didn’t mention that said girlfriend was dating another man at the same time and told himself it was just leaving out unimportant information and not actually lie, but he wasn’t sure he believed himself. 

Roy also had a meeting with Rebecca, who told him she wanted to promote him to manager of Richmond. He called her mad to her face and she still seemed to think giving him the job was a good idea. 

“I don’t want to do press conferences and shit,” Roy said. 

Rebecca was unfazed. “Here are my options, Roy. I can make you manager, which is a job I think you’ll be good at. You know football, you know these boys, and they trust you, which makes you the best fit. I can make Nate manager, which I don’t particularly want to do after he defected to West Ham last year. He has experience and the boys seem to have forgiven him, but I don’t trust him enough yet to give him that much power. The other option is to bring in someone from outside the club. Higgins gave me a list of candidates and a lot of them are very qualified and are interested in working for Richmond now that we placed second in the Premier League, because they think they can get us a trophy next year. However, anyone I bring in is going to have their own style and they’re going to undo all the hard work Ted’s done over the past three years. And what Ted did, however unconventional, has been working for us. So, if you don’t take the job, any thoughts on how I should proceed?”

Roy grunted. It was a good argument and Rebecca knew it. 

Roy liked coaching Richmond. He didn’t really want to work with some new shitbag coach who would come in acting like he knew anything. Who might tell the team to stop playing total football or take that shitty, ripped-up “believe” sign off the wall. Who might not flip Jamie off in the middle of a game or push him to go back out even with an injured ankle. Who might not support Sam’s protests when they cost the club their main sponsor or might not like the fact that Colin had a boyfriend. Who might not defend Isaac in a post-game interview after Isaac attacked a fan in the stands for his homophobic comments or who would hear that famous women got their private photos leaked and react with less horror than the rest of the Richmond boys. 

Roy liked the culture Ted had created at Richmond. Sure, his methods had been downright insane at times, but they’d worked. This was a team that respected Keeley and Rebecca, that accepted Colin, and that tried to be good people as much as they tried to be good footballers. 

Roy didn’t want to lose that. 

“Fuuuuck,” he said, a curse of resignation and realization. 

Rebecca knew him far too well at this point, because she just smiled victoriously. “I’ll have Higgins send you the paperwork this week. We’re also going to be looking at player transfers, so I’ll send you tapes for anyone we’re considering. Do you have any thoughts about which players we should take a look at?”

Roy grunted. He’d had this job for all of three seconds and Rebecca was already giving him work. He hadn’t even told Keeley yet. 

“We need a centre back with more speed,” he said. 

“Noted,” Rebecca said. 

On the way home, Roy felt a strange kind of loneliness take over him. 

He’d gotten a promotion and even though he’d resisted it, he kind of wanted to celebrate. Like when Keeley had been made a CEO of her own company and they’d popped champagne and Roy had spun her around and they’d fallen into bed together. 

But Keeley was halfway around the world with Jamie. On vacation, even though she’d refused to go on vacation with Roy to Marbella last year. And Roy knew it was different — this was a work trip with some fun thrown in — but Keeley was just restarting her business with Rebecca as the main investor and she couldn’t possibly be less busy than she’d been last year. 

A tiny, mean voice in Roy’s head said that the difference was Jamie. That Roy hadn’t been worth the time away from the office, but Jamie was. 

Roy shoved the thought away. 

He went home to his big empty house and stared at the bottle of champagne in the fridge. He couldn’t tell the yoga mums he’d been promoted because they still believed he was an accountant and he had no fucking clue what accountants did or what the fuck their position was when they got promoted. Plus, he didn’t want to spend all evening lying about the job he was celebrating. 

The team was scattered around the world, visiting their home countries and families while they were on summer holiday. What other friends did Roy have? Keeley, who was his girlfriend again? Jamie, who was Keeley’s other boyfriend and was also not in the country? Rebecca, who was more his friend through the transitive property than anything and was also his boss?

Fuck this. 

Roy took the bottle from the fridge. He was about to pop the cork and drink straight from the bottle when his phone dinged with an incoming message. 

It was a series of photos from Keeley, showing her and Jamie shopping. One photo showed Keeley in a dressing room, trying on a dress that made her look fucking amazing. Another showed Jamie with about fifty bags dangling from his arms, posing like he was lifting weights. Keeley was standing beside him, holding one tiny bag, and grinning widely at having a fit footballer to play her pack mile. Then there was a picture of Keeley standing next to a suitcase with a price tag on it, presumably something she was buying to bring all her new clothes back to England, a cute guilty smile on her face. The last picture showed the two of them in a store, both wearing black leather jackets. The one on Keeley was ridiculously oversized and the comical frowns on both of their faces told Roy that they were dressing up as him. 

Another text arrived from Keeley. 

Miss you! Do you want either of these jackets?

Roy was very picky about his leather jackets, something that Keeley had learned early in their first go at a relationship when she’d tried to buy him a present. It may seem like Roy put no effort into his all-black look, but he was very particular about what clothes he thought was worth buying. 

It was sweet of Keeley to ask. 

Send a video, Roy texted back. 

A minute later, his phone dinged. The video was of Keeley in a dressing room, wearing a shimmery grey dress with one of the Roy-sized leather jackets over it. Roy had clearly interrupted her in the middle of trying on half the store because there were clothes over every inch of the dressing room. Keeley did a little spin for the camera and Roy caught Jamie’s reflection in the dressing room mirror, smiling at Keeley like he was in love. 

Fuck. 

Would Roy have had that indulgent, lovestruck expression on his face if Keeley had dragged him shopping for stupid graffiti clothes for Jamie? This was Jamie’s holiday with Keeley and she was still taking the time to message Roy and Jamie didn’t seem to mind at all. 

Roy’s phone dinged again, this time a message from Jamie. It was another video, showing Jamie walking along a wall of all-black clothes, including at least four different leather jackets. 

“I think we found your store, mate,” Jamie said, panning the camera so Roy could see the words John John lit up in the back over the counter. 

Fuck. Roy was being a sorry sad sack and a bit of a prick. And he absolutely refused to be the biggest prick in a relationship that included Jamie Tartt. 

You look beautiful, he sent Keeley. I like the jacket Jamie was wearing. 

Keeley sent back a series of smiley face emojis. 

Roy called her and she picked up on the second ring. “Hi, babe? How’s London?”

“I miss you,” Roy said. It was probably the easiest thing he’d ever said. Usually, Roy had trouble expressing any emotion that wasn’t anger and he knew that. But missing Keeley was all-consuming. It was a physical ache inside him, just as real as the pain from his knee, and he didn’t know how not to say it. 

“I miss you too,” Keeley said. 

“How’s Brazil?” Roy asked. 

“It’s good! I think the photoshoot with Nike went really well. They might offer Jamie a larger deal as a brand ambassador when we get back, but don’t tell Jamie that. I’m negotiating right now and I’m not sure it’ll go through.”

“I’m sure it well,” Roy said. “You’re a brilliant negotiator.”

“You’ve never seen me negotiate,” Keeley said. 

“Sure I have,” Roy said. “What about that time you convinced me to try being a pundit.”

“That was in your best interest, and I’m pretty sure we were arguing.”

“Or that time you convinced me to go to that launch party for that watch company you were promoting.”

“You have to admit, that was great press,” Keeley said. “Everyone’d heard the story about your ex stealing your Rolex, so you replacing the Rolex with a John Hubert watch really connected the two brands in everyone’s minds.”

“Well what about the time you convinced me to both cook and do the dishes when I made you a fancy dinner?”

“I bribed you with blowjobs,” Keeley said. “I don’t think I can use the same strategy here.”

Roy laughed. He felt so much better after talking to Keeley for just five minutes. Suddenly, he didn’t care that she was a continent away. He still wanted to tell her the good news. 

“Is Jamie there?” he asked. 

“He’s in his own dressing room,” Keeley said. 

Roy was surprised. He figured Keeley and Jamie would take shopping as a chance to watch each other strip in the same dressing room. But he knew fuck all about shopping, so maybe it wasn’t that weird that they were in two different stalls. 

“Can you get him?” 

There was a long pause that Roy knew was Keeley working through her surprise before she said, “Yeah, just a sec.” Her voice sounded slightly farther away as she called “Jamie!”

A moment later Keeley’s voice came out sounding a little more robotic. “You’re on speaker, babe.”

Roy cleared his throat. “I talked to Rebecca today. She made me manager.”

“What?” Keeley said, sounding stunned. 

Yeah, maybe he should have worked up to that instead of announcing it right out the gate. 

“She gave me Ted’s job,” Roy repeated. 

A whoop went up from Jamie, so loud that Roy had to pull the phone away from his head so he wouldn’t blow out his eardrums. 

“Congrats, mate! That’s fucking mint.”

Roy grunted. He didn’t say that he was bricking it over trying to fill Ted’s shoes, but Keeley must have released because she said, “You’re going to be amazing, babe. I’m so proud of you!”

“I don’t know,” Jamie said. “I mean, mostly Roy’s been coaching me so far. I’ve got more talent than all the boys on the team and I’m a pleasure to coach, so you can’t measure Roy’s success by how brilliant a player I am.”

“You’re a fucking nightmare to coach,” Roy said, even though it wasn’t actually true. Jamie did anything Roy said, even when it was embarrassing or he was pushing his body beyond what most coaches would demand of him. Roy liked telling Jamie what to do and seeing how hard he would work to achieve the impossible, even when the only reward was a little grunt from Roy. 

“I guess we’ll see if you can bring the other lads up to my level,” Jamie said, cockiness and disbelief in Roy’s coaching skills rolling together in his voice. 

Weirdly, Jamie’s pestering filled Roy with confidence that he could do this. He would be the best damn manager Richmond had ever seen, if only to prove to Jamie that he was wrong. 

“Be careful what you wish for,” Keeley told Jamie sweetly and that buoyed Roy the rest of the way up. Keeley believed in him. She believed in him enough to tell Jamie to suck it, even if she did it in nicer terms. 

Roy wanted to tell her he loved her, but the first time he told her after they got back together couldn’t be over the phone, with Jamie listening in, while Keeley was on another continent. 

Instead, Roy just said, “At least I know what the fucking offside rule is.”

Jamie and Keeley both laughed, though Jamie laughed harder. Roy wasn’t sure Keeley knew the offside rule, which was a travesty given how many footballers she’d dated.

“Well celebrate when I get back,” Keeley said. “That’s wonderful news, babe. I’m so happy for you.”

They said their goodbyes and when Roy hung up the phone, he felt a lot more determined and a lot less alone. 

He checked his inbox to find an email from Higgins with his new contract and and some player files with stats and videos. Several promising young players were listed, as well as some old-timers on their way to retirement from some of the better clubs. 

He poured himself a glass of champagne and settled in to do his job. 

[madeintheniamh]

i'm bored so lets answer these

niamh (pronounced neve)

2 months apparently

...garlic bread

diet coke <3

two older sisters! i'm the baby heh

nope, my mum is way too houseproud. my sister is getting a kitty soon though now that she has moved out so i will be over hers constantly

18 (19 in april)

2, if we are counting my GCSE in French...

probs line of duty icl

write, read, cheerleading, running, idk what else

i think i'm an ambivert? probs leaning more towards introvert though. i find certain people drain my energy and others add to it.

indie rock & pop

australia/new zealand. i will go one day

communicating lol

probs quite quick if it's on snap, depending on who it is. i never reply to whatsapps though

i don't at the moment, i have a few ideas but i'm absolutely terrified of needles so idk if i'd ever go through with any of them lol.

bisexual but leaning more towards men. when i was younger i did tell my older sister that i felt 'nice' looking at pictures of cheryl cole. my first love fr. i would date florence pugh if i had the chance but then again i do have a massive thing towards dilfs icl

absolutely, but i'm in a massive book slump at the mo. my favourite book of all time is margaret atwood's the handmaid's tale

yes lol. to the boy who took my v card when i was 16. my first love fr, until he became an andrew tate stan. left him just over a month ago. ouch.

single if u couldn't already tell from above, mentally dating harry styles

yes absolutely. watching my now ex go down the shitter was horrible and not an experience i want to repeat. men are trash apart from harry

most recently is probs A level results day. the sheer shock of finding out i had gotten A*A*A when i was only expecting to scrape BBB was a feeling i can't put into words, and the reaction of my family too who had rooted me for the entirety of sixth form (they knew i struggled with it). it was the most amazing day.

just secondary school in general icl. an experience that i have tried to erase from my mind. 7 years i will never get back.

needles, and i've been shit scared of the dentist since i was about 4. thought i had made a breakthrough with it until i had to get teeth removed for braces when i was 12. the most horrific experience ever. i don't trust anyone who likes going to the dentist.

night person as i am writing this. i was born at quarter to midnight so i think that explains a lot.

currently 4760, i need to go through my camera roll and delete some stuff

RICHARD HAMMOND I'M GUILTY OKAY HE IS FINE. followed closely by mat baynton from horrible histories.

i think so? i don't like a guy to be over clingy though, my last relationship got to the point where it was suffocating. i want a man who i can mother that doesn't expect me to be his mother constantly if that makes sense but allows me to mother him anyway? i'm aware that's very confusing and probably quite contradictory lol

probs a car ride somewhere in italy i am extremely basic. think harry styles driving in the golden MV.

i do cheer at uni! it's quite fun but it's actually so much harder than people think. obvs i write. dabble in a bit of yoga bc i refuse to pay for the chiropractor.

Let your followers get to know you asks <3

What's your name?

For how long you have this account?

Favourite food?

Favourite drink?

Do you have any siblings?

Do you have pets?

How old are you?

How many languages do you know?

What's your all time favourite movie/tv show?

What are you enjoying to do in your free time?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Your favourite music genres?

Your dream place to visit?

Something you wish you were better at?

How long do you take to respond to texts?

Do you have any tattoos? If not, would like to?

What's your sexuality?

Do you like reading? If yes what's your favourite book?

Have you ever been in love?

What's your relationship status?

Have you ever been heartbroken?

Best memory you could think of?

Worst memory you can think of?

Do you have any fears?

Are you a morning or a night person?

How many pictures you have on your phone?

Who was your favourite childhood crush?

Are you a romantic?

What’s your dream date?

What are your hobbies?

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids || You Have Psoriatic Arthritis [Request]

MASTERLISTS

A/N: I just want to say I hope that I did this good for you🥺 I hope that I can help brighten your day even a little sweetie, I cant even imagine the pain you’re in but if you ever need someone to talk to or be distracted by I am always here for you. 

CHAN:

Chan had learnt what he could about your condition, even doing intense research into some home remedies that were supposed to be good to help your pain. 

"This is going to help, I promise." You raised an eyebrow at Chan and looked at the bottle that was in his hands. It was filled with pills and you questioned where he had learnt about everything,

"You can trust me." He added as you nodded, you knew that. You trusted Chan with your life, but if you didn't know where he'd gotten the pills or even what they were you weren't going to put them into your body. 

"I do, what are they?" You laughed snatching the bottle and turning it so that you could read the label and laugh a little as he whined at you.

"I read that it helps," He explained as you looked down, "Tumeric" you'd read about the benefits before but it hadn't been something you'd tried.

"Where did you get them?" You hadn't found a drug store that supplied them,

"Mum sent them, they have a store where you can buy things like these," He explained as he began to read out what you had to do to take the tablets and how often. You smiled a little watching as your boyfriend got invested in your care, you'd never experienced anything like it before.

"Thanks, Channie," You whispered, kissing between his shoulder blades as he frowned, 

"We don't even know if they'll work yet." He whined, looking at you a little lost with what you were thanking him for but you smiled.

"Just for being here with me," You whispered before taking one of the pills and smiling up at him, willing to do anything if it meant having him by your side.

MINHO:

Minho's stomach had dropped when you phoned him in tears, you'd been at work when you could barely stand the pain anymore. Some days were better than others but this happened to be one of the worst days you'd experienced in a long time. Your whole body seemed to be in immense pain and you weren't able to concentrate on anything at work.

"Here," Minho said as he led you into the dorm's bathroom. There was a hot bath that appeared to be steaming a little, beside it were Epsom salts and some deep heat bubble bath. Something he'd been trying out to help with his own muscle cramps and thought would help you, even a little.

"When did you do this?" You questioned a little confused. Minho had been the one to come and get you from work and he wouldn't have had time to do this for you, 

"I got Changbin to do it while we were out," He admitted, slowly shutting and locking the bathroom door behind the two of you. It wasn't going to do much to help you but it would at least help ease it. 

"You can stay in there alone or I can join you...But I figured it might help with the pain a little." He stumbled over his words a little. The two of you had been together for about six months but he was always careful of what he said and did around you, not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

"Will you join me? I kind of want to feel close to you," You admitted shyly, feeling your body heat up as he nodded at you a clear blush appearing on his face.

"I'd love to." He whispered placing a gentle kiss on your cheek before handing you a bottle of water and some painkillers. He knew that it didn't do much but you'd once told him it helped a little and he knew that every little helped.

The two of you laid there for hours, every now and again Minho would top up the hot water and make sure it was perfect for you. Luckily, the boys had all gone to the other dorms for the night deciding that you needed the space more than them.

CHANGBIN:

Changbin hadn't been into Yoga when he first met you but he had slowly begun to go to sessions with you, doing some of the routines at home. He'd tried to come with you as much as he could but sometimes he was too busy with work.

"You sure?" You asked as you stared around the small studio that Changbin happened to be working in for the night. He was long overdue on some work and he didn't want to get into any more trouble with his manager by not doing it.

"Sure, just lock the door. I don't want the boys to see you," He pouts, thinking back to the time Jisung had made a flirty comment about you and your yoga outfit.

"Jealous?" You teased, kissing him as you passed him to go and lock the studio door. Changbin said nothing as he stared at the laptop in front of him, it was his turn to edit a track and he was nervous. Having you in the same room as it was going to relax him, even a little.

As much as Changbin thought it was going to work it didn't, he found himself too distracted by watching you. You were staring at him as you did some of the poses and giggled when you noticed he hadn't been doing the work he was supposed to be doing.

"You're going to get in trouble." You whined as you got up from the ground, looking at the blank screen where he should have been editing a track.

"I can't help it, I thought you'd relax me...But you distract me," He mumbled looking at the screen and sighing, quickly shutting it and getting down onto the ground with you. He was already going to be in trouble, he might as well help his girlfriend with her yoga poses while he was at it. 

HYUNJIN:

Although you had told Hyunjin many times you couldn't find a medication that worked for you he was always hunting for something. A new doctor, a new drug trial, anything that would help you. 

"Can't you just drop it?" You grumbled as he tried to show you yet another drug trial that was supposed to be good for people with your condition. It wasn't as though there was a for-sure way to help your pain and they were always trying new things.

"It could help you," You knew that Hyunjin was coming from a good place but it was too much. You were in pain a lot and you didn't want to have to go through a drug trial where you may or may not get the pill that would help.

"What if I get the placebo? What if they give me the one thing that will do nothing and I end up in more pain?" You snapped a little but you didn't care. Doing the trial meant you weren't allowed to do any of the things to helped ease your pain and you would have to be in constant pain while waiting for the placebo or drug.

"Hyunjin...I'm sorry," You whispered when you noticed him starting to throw away the research he had been doing,

"Don't be...I shouldn't be trying to push this on you." He mumbled a little and you sighed laying down against the sofa,

"I don't want to do a trial unless...U-Unless I know it'll work. Or it means I'll be in pain for longer. At least at home, I can do certain things to help ease it," Your voice cracked as you felt Hyunjin sit on the sofa beside the sofa, pressing a kiss on your hand.

"I'm sorry, I just want to help." He sighed and you looked at him, leaning your hand out to wipe away tears from his cheek.

"I know, I'm sorry too." You whispered, moving a little so that he would be able to sit with you, holding you close to him with a smile on his face.

JISUNG:

You were always a little insecure when it came to your skin sometimes and Jisung knew that. As much as he always tried to tell you how beautiful he found you he knew that there was a part of you that would never believe him. A part of you that was always so self-conscious you would hide certain parts of your body with clothes so your skin couldn't be seen.

"Jisung, I don't want to wear it." You told him as you looked at the dress he was holding up for you. It was his friend's wedding in a few weeks and he'd found one of your old dresses and wanted you to wear it. Only it showed off everything you were scared to show to the world,

"But you'll look stunning," He whined a little, hanging the gown up on the wall and going to sit beside you. You looked at the dress, part of you wanted to wear it and rock it but you knew that there would be the nagging inside of you telling you how bad it would look.

"Look at me," Jisung whispered as he held your hands on his lap. 

"Jisung, I can't-"

"I know, I'm sorry I tried to push it on you." He smiled weakly as he moved one of his hands up to your face, running his thumb along your cheek as you leaned into his touch. It wasn't a huge deal to a lot of people but for you, it felt like it was, it always felt as though people were going to comment something mean about you.

"Here, let me put on the tea tree oil we got?" Jisung offered, reminding you of the oil he'd gotten for you a few months ago. It seemed to be helping in clearing up a little of the dry itchy skin on your elbows and knees and it felt nice to not itch all of the time. It was still painful whenever you were having a flare-up and your joints hurt but it was nice of Jisung to try and help find something that could ease even a little. You nodded a little and he smiled getting up to go and get the oil for you, you'd always been so insecure to show people but Jisung made every effort to make you feel pretty. Going above and beyond to help you when you felt down and even give you some remedies he had found online if it meant you would feel better. It was truly wonderful to have someone like Jisung by your side to help you through everything. He’d gone from knowing nothing about your condition to learning everything that he could possibly learn within a few months.

FELIX:

When you told Felix that there wasn't much you could do to help with pain medication wise he went above and beyond to do what he could without medication. Learning how to cook so you could have certain foods in your diet, going on exercises with you to try and help you and even taking massage classes. He'd read that massages could help ease some of the pain you got when you were in a particularly bad flare-up and he wanted to be prepared.

And prepared he was. Felix's hands were like magic whenever he touched you, he always seemed to apply just the right amount of pressure right where you needed it.

"Lixie," You moaned out a little as he continued to rub your back. It was where you were feeling the most pain this week, radiating from the back of your neck to the bottom of your spine. 

"Does it hurt?" He panicked a little as you whined, his hands and stopped moving and you never wanted it to end.

"No. No, it's perfect, please don't stop." You begged a little as he continued to rub some tea tree oil into your skin, being careful not to hurt you or tickle you.

"You have to tell me if it gets too much," He whispered, continuing to massage every inch of your skin until you closed your eyes. You would honestly let him do this all day every day if you have the option, it helped you feel that little bit better. When he first told you that he'd been getting lessons you couldn't believe it, you never would have imagined someone caring for you so much that they would do this. But Felix would do anything and everything for you if it meant he got to ease even a little of your pain, that was just the kind of person that he was. 

SEUNGMIN: 

"You know, if I didn't know any better I would say this is your way of trying to see me in a swimsuit." You smirked at Seungmin as you stepped into the pool together, turning to look at him as he blushed a deep shade of red. Of course, you knew the real reason the two of you were doing this once a week. Seungmin had been trying to find something that was supposed to help with the pain that you were in. Swimming happened to be an exercise that was supposed to be good for your joints and so far it seemed to be a nice activity to do.

"It may have been," He joked swimming toward you as you smiled brightly at him. The water always felt incredible to you, it always felt good for you to do something like this.

"Do you want to go for food after this?" He asked, swimming around the back of you and heading over to some of the jets that were in the pool. It was the best part of having the entire pool to yourself, neither of you had to wait for the jets to be empty.

"Sure, where were you thinking?" You quizzed, swimming faster to catch up to him. The two of you had made this a regular thing for the two of you to do together and it honestly brought you closer. You knew Seungmin was always on the prowl for anything that would help you, just last month he'd been looking for some bikes you could both use. He left no stone unturned into looking for exercises that were supposed to help you, he would do whatever he needed to help you.

JEONGIN:

Jeongin was always looking for new ways to try and cook fish for you, he'd read somewhere that omega-3 fatty acids could be used to ease some of your discomforts. So that was what he had been doing. Not every day of course, since too much fish was also bad for a person. But he was always going to his mother for recipe ideas or even getting Minho to teach him how to cook certain foods. He always wanted to make sure that you were getting what you needed. 

"What's on the menu today?" You laughed a little as you sat down at the table, glancing at your boyfriend who was smiling over at you. It had been a recipe he loved when he was at home and his mother had spent most of the day teaching him how to prepare and cook the meals.

"Seaweed soup and Grilled mackerel," He answered proudly as he began to place everything onto the table. Making sure to lay out some extra vegetables and looked at you with a shy smile as he tried to determine if you liked it.

"Sounds lush," You admitted as you leaned forward to taste some of the soup. You were always open to finding new ways to help ease your pain and you were thankful that Jeongin always wanted to help you.

"Innie, this is so nice." You let a small whine escape your lips as you continued to eat, looking at him as he blushed a little. Whenever you were having a huge pain flare-up Jeongin was always there by your side, questioning what he could do to help you. Before him, you sometimes felt as though you were alone and no one could really understand your pain but with him it finally felt as though you had someone. Someone who tried to understand and tried to see things through your eyes and it was a little refreshing.

"Baby? You're crying, is it that bad?" Jeongin panicked as he noticed some tears beginning to roll down your cheeks. You quickly swiped them away, shaking your head at him and whining a little. 

"Happy tears...I'm just so lucky to have you," You sniffled as he sat down on the chair beside you, reaching his hand up to cup your face in his hand. 

"You deserve to be treated like this...To have someone to care and look after you," He whispered before kissing you, followed by him taking a spoonful of your soup and feeding himself just to confirm that the food was okay. Although he would never have any idea how much this meant to you, you were going to try and prove to him every day how thankful you were for him.

Tagline: @minholuvs @taestannie​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @taeechwitaa​ @justbangtanthingz​ @stillwithlix​ @lolalee24​ @yubinism​ @etherealinowrites​ @aerastus​ @kimahnjung98​ @halesandy​

[finelinevogue]

I don’t have a specific request but I just really want to read another Little Moments blurb. Wether they’re teens or babies, I just love them. Have a great day!!

you have a great day toooo!! ok we can definitely do this!! there’s so many adventures they go on that i want to write about, but for now i hope you enjoy this blurb of the family going out for a pub meal;

oli - 21, felix - 19, belle - 16

It was family-night-Friday.

Well, actually, it was yours and Harry’s anniversary and supposedly date night, but your children had decided you’d all go out for the evening to celebrate instead. Whilst you were delighted over the idea of spending the night with your family, Harry wasn’t. He now, quote-on-quote, ‘can’t finger you under the restaurant table’, which is why he’s now in a sulk.

Chuffing man-child.

“Dad, can you at least pretend to look happy to be with your family?” Belle teased Harry, as you were all in the car on the way to the pub you were booked in for.

Harry was driving and Oli was sat in the front, since his legs were extremely long - a bit like his dad - to fit in the back. Unfortunately Felix got the short straw and had to sit in the back with you and Belle, Belle sitting in the middle as she was the smallest. Whenever you came to a red light Harry’s hand would slink behind his seat and dangle itself until you caught it with your hand and gave it a squeeze. It was the little moments like these that made you grateful for your family. For Harry.

Harry smiled and you knew it was real, because it reached his eyes, however he made it seem like it wasn’t real to antagonise his kids.

“Y’can pay for your own bloody meal at this rate.” Oli spoke, looking up from where he was messing around on his phone - probably looking at todays football scores.

“When did you become such a dad?” Felix laughed, scruffing with his brothers hair from where he was sat behind him.

“Dickhead.” Oli tried to reach out and smack his brother but Harry beat him to it and caught his sons fist.

“Oi, pack it in the both of you.” Harry pretended to be mad, but in reality he loved his children interacting with each other - even if they were play fighting.

You loved your little family. So much.

The rest of the journey was spent listening to whatever was on the radio. Belle had requested Capital FM, however much Harry would rather listen to BBC Radio 2. You heard Harry sing along to a couple of songs though, one being Niall’s new song ‘Our Song’. The journey was quiet but peaceful, allowing you and your thoughts to spend 10 minutes or so alone. The word passed by outside as you drove down some pretty sketchy country lanes, until you rounded the familiar corner that had ‘The Cherry Tree’ situated on the left-hand side. It didn’t take long for Harry to pull in and park up, making sure he didn’t leave any valuable on display.

You climbed out of the car and waited for Belle to shuffle out herself, before shutting the door behind her. It was still a bloody Range Rover…

“Y’alright my love?” Harry asked you, locking the car and sliding his hand into yours to hold. His familiar warmth made you smile and your goosebumps melt away.

Your children walked off ahead, talking about goodness knows what with each other. It was funny to see how small Belle was next to her brothers. She, like you, was smaller than the men in her life and also smaller than you. She walked sandwiched between her brothers as they walked inside the restaurant.

“Never been better.” You answered truthfully, cuddling yourself into his side more. He was more than happy to accept you there.

Harry opened the door for you and you walked in after you. He kept a hand on your lower back as you walked to where your children were standing waiting for a waiter.

The room was large and really atmospheric. Lots of chatter from belly laughing customers and tiny toddlers who were on the loose. You spotted people lining up for a carvery and there was a separate area where a pizza oven burned away. As soon as you saw the meat and the roasts though, you knew that’s exactly what you wanted. And with a glass of red wine - divinity.

“Nice and warm in here.” You stated, having been quite cold outside. You spotted a wood burning fire in the corner and guessed that’s where the room got it’s hear from.

“Y’cold m’love?” Harry asked, furrowed brows over you and your health.

“Was. Better now.” You answered.

“It’s ‘cause we live in bloody England.” Felix huffed, stuffing his phone into his back pocket.

“Then move countries, please.” Oli answered in a playful tone, earning a light punch to his side from his brother.

“Idiots.” Belle rolled her eyes at the both of them.

“This is why you’re my favourite chid.” Harry answered jokingly, but everyone knew he secretly meant it. He often spent more time with his Belle and would treat her with a teensy tiny bit more love than his boys, but they were okay with that.

“Charming dad.” Oli added, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Someone’s been working out recently.” Harry pressed a finger onto Oli’s buff arm. He was visibly flexing, but he still did have a decent amount of built up muscle on him.

“Bro, not cool. We said we’d work out together.” Felix groaned, knowing he was slightly skinnier than Oli and the tabloids made sure to point it out. It didn’t phase him publicly, but you knew it did internally.

“Can work out with me, if you want?” You questioned Felix, already knowing the answer.

“No thanks mum. I don’t want to go to pilates or hot yoga with a bunch of mums.” He rolled his eyes, but earned a slap to the back of his head from his dad.

“Y’pest, be nice to y’mum.”

“It’s actually mixed gender for the hot yoga.”

“Well now you can say bye-bye to that class, missus.” Harry teased you, tightening his hold on your back. When Harry got jealous he got jealous - like pettily jealous. It was something you’d both worked on during the years together, but sometimes it did creep up. Like now.

“I’m not quitting that class, H. You can come with me if y’so bothered that other men and women might be staring at m’arse.”

“Y’bloody well bet i’m coming.” He told you, making you chuckle. He leant down and gave you a kiss to your lips, welcoming it with a needy kiss back since he rarely gave you lip kisses in public. This was pub in the middle of nowhere, so Harry felt safe to give you some loving.

“Ugh could you, like, not?” Felix groaned and his siblings followed. Harry pulled away with annoyance, a smile on your lips though.

“Y’should be happy I love y’mum.”

“I am, just not publicly.” Felix turned his nose up at the memory of his parents kissing.

“Leave us alone, it’s our anniversary.” You pouted.

“Like dad needs that excuse.” Belle snorted and rolled her eyes, making everyone but Harry laugh.

“You don’t need an excuse to love me, H.” You whispered to him and he leaned down to you with a smile.

“I know.” He kissed your forehead this time and brought you closer into his side as his kids were laughing with each other still.

“Where the fuck is the waited i’m bloody starving.” Oli grumbled, patting his belly lightly, clearly annoyed at the waiting of the staff here.

“Um, can I help you?” The shy waiter was bright red in the face from hearing Oli’s comment, making the rest of you snicker.

It was the little moments like these that made you appreciate your life and your little, happy, family.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

too soon to tell, chapter t w o

You dropped your bag in the foyer of Harry’s house after work on a Thursday. It was quiet--he wasn’t home yet and you’d keyed in knowing that you’d have some time to yourself.

You felt a vibrating in your pocket when you shrugged off your coat, your visible reflection told you it was a FaceTime call, Alyssa’s name danced across the screen until you slid your thumb to answer.

“Hello, hello,” you greeted, walking to find a seat on the couch.

“Where are you?” She furrowed her brows as she took in your surroundings.

“At Harry’s--he’s out, though.”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I will never get sick of you lounging in his house when he’s not there.”

You rolled your eyes at your old roommate’s antics--she’d always been the number one supporter of your relationship and when you texted her earlier saying you needed advice, she promised to call on her lunch break.

“I’m not lounging,” you informed with a shake of your head. “I just got out of work, we’re having dinner tonight.”

“Mr. Popstar isn’t too busy?” She teased, aware of the tension both of your schedules had been causing.

“Apparently not.”

She forked a bite of food into her mouth, the sun was shining through the window behind her, the walls of your old apartment were redecorated now with the art of your replacement. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Sort of,” you leaned back and let out a breath. “I mean, it’s all connected--”

“What is?”

“I’m getting to it,” you made a face at her through the phone. “So--don’t freak out, okay? Cause I don’t even know if anything will come from it and Harry doesn’t know yet.”

She nodded and gestured with her hand for you to get on with it.

Knowing Alyssa, she was already jumping to conclusions in her head. You were pregnant, you were engaged, you quit your job, you had a huge fight with your sister. No, no, no.

“I interviewed for a job in LA...and I haven’t told Harry because all our friends have been so excited about us being in the same spot again but--”

Her eyes went wide at the mention of a US city, she did her best to hold back her smile until it faded when you said: “I don’t know. Something feels off between us.”

“Off between you and Harry? More than just being busy?”

“I’m probably overthinking it but,” you looked around his living room. Pictures of his mum, his sister, his cousins--even his manager--were tucked in frames and placed on shelves. There wasn’t a trace of you in his house except for the toothbrush upstairs and the key on your keyring.

“It feels like we’re not moving forward. And we’ve both been busy, like I’ve told you, but since we don’t live together sometimes we go days without seeing each other and it’s fine, I get that he’s busy, obviously, but--”

“But you want to move in with him.”

“Well, I don’t know--I did, sort of, I think--but then I heard about this job in LA and it sounds amazing but Jessie just moved here and no one will shut up about how great London is.”

Alyssa offered a sympathetic frown and repositioned the bowl in front of her to get another bite. “What’s the job?”

You almost didn’t want to tell her, sure she’d get excited and eager to have you back in the same country. You winced a little, bracing for her reaction. “S’with E! News,” you shrugged. “It’d be on-air.”

“Shut up! Are you serious?!”

“Yes m’serious,” you rolled your eyes. “But I haven’t told any of them because you know how they are.”

She nodded, “Jessie will not want you to take it.”

“God love her, but of course not. And Harry spends time out there, so it might be okay, but it’s not like I could ask him to go with me.”

“Why not? He’s famous, Y/N--he belongs there.”

“It’s too soon,” you whined. “He’s not my fiancé and we don’t live together, so--I don’t want to make it weird.”

“But you love him,” she reasoned.

“Yeah, but s’been weird lately!" You tried to drive home the point. "He’s made no mention of moving in and we’ve been dating for a year and a half, I’ve been in London for over a year now. He’s not even mentioned it, Alyssa, I swear. He’ll say things like ‘one day we can go on vacation,’ and ‘what should we do for Christmas?’ But he’s made no concrete plans to actually have a future with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“Maybe he’s not ready,” you volleyed.

“Maybe,” Alyssa shrugged. “But you won’t know if you don’t ask him.”

“But if I ask him and he’s not on the same page I’ll look like an idiot and he’s busy with the album and now I’m thinking about moving to LA and--”

She watched you, waited for you to say more, but you were out of words. You changed gears.

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be long term.”

“Oh come on,” she groaned. “Not this again.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your whole ‘we should have left it in New York’ shit.”

You lifted your eyebrows to demand further details.

“You were freaked out in the beginning that you’d move back there and it would be weird.”

“And?”

“Was it weird?”

“Not at first, I guess. But I mean, come on---don’t you think we should have taken some kind of step forward by now? Even just mentioning the idea of moving in together?”

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “Maybe it’s different with someone like him.”

You rolled your eyes--what if that’s what you were sick of?

People always said that: it’s different because of his job, it’s different because he’s on the road, it’s different because he’s famous.

Of course it was, and that was fine, for a while. But what if Harry’s job always got in the way of feeling normal? What if you couldn’t have a real wedding because of it? What if you could never send your children to summer camp because of it?

Were you willing to sacrifice your own future to live an unconventional life with someone just because you loved him?

“When will you hear back about the job?”

“Dunno--talked to them last week on Monday and they said this week at some point. S'been a while, so hopefully soon.”

You’d been keeping busy, trying to avoid your personal email at all costs and also making sure that Harry had limited visibility of your screen at all times.

“Do you want it?”

You thought on it for a second. Being offered a job at a company like E! would certainly be an ego boost, but the mere thought of having to explain to all of your friends that yes, you’d been back in London for 18 months and now you were packing up and moving even farther away than before wouldn’t be easy. That seemed to be the one certainty in the whole situation: no one would take it well.

“I don’t want to leave everyone here, especially Harry--but I also don’t want to be stupid and think that this relationship is going somewhere if it’s not.”

Alyssa nodded and let out a sigh. “I get that, I mean, of course you have to do what’s best for you. But I’d hate to see you not be with him just because things are hard right now.”

You leaned your head back on the couch and sighed. You didn’t want to break up with Harry. If anything, you wanted to move forward and move in with him and do what you’d always imagined: have a good job, have a few kids, try to be happy.

But what if you’d been naive enough to think you could have all of that with Harry and what if this is how you were finding out that you couldn’t?

Were you still stuck in your teenage fantasy of marrying the boy you'd long been crushing on?

She watched you for a second before she reassured: “you’ll figure it out.”

You smiled, glad you’d called Alyssa if only to have someone talk you off the edge a little bit. You missed waking up one room over and her love for basketball games and New York 99 cent pizza.

“Well it’s not like I have to make a decision right now,” you said. “I haven’t even heard back from them. For all I know they could never reach out again because I bombed my interview.”

She rolled her eyes at your self-deprecation and offered a few final words of encouragement before you hung up and promised to catch up soon.

Ever since you’d left, Alyssa had taken it upon herself to keep you up to date on the ins and outs of New York. New restaurant? She’d send you pictures and a 200 word review. Crazy subway rats making the news again? Articles and video proof would be sent your way in a matter of hours.

She’d gotten a new roommate to fill your bedroom and apparently things weren’t always peachy between them. Peyton was quiet and shy--according to Alyssa. She was up every morning at 6am and in the shower at 6:30. She did yoga in the living room and hated it when Alyssa left empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

Alyssa was starting to lose her shit, swearing up and down that she needed to either pull the trigger and move in with Owen or find a new place altogether. It was my apartment first, she’d say. She should leave, not me.

It had been hard that year to leave the city you’d grown to love but harder to leave Alyssa and Carly and the things that made New York feel like home. It was also, in hindsight, hard to leave the place where you and Harry reconnected and built the foundation of your current relationship.

You heard commotion from the front door only a few minutes later when you rummaged through Harry’s kitchen for a snack.

“Hi,” he called from the other room, a close-lipped smile when you stuck your head around the corner to greet him.

“Hi! How was the photoshoot?”

“Good,” he nodded, watching as you stuck your hand into a box of crackers. “What time are we meeting everyone?”

Right--Thursday also meant dinner somewhere downtown with everyone in tow.

“7pm--but Jessie said we should try to get there early since it’s a new place and no one’s ever been.”

He nodded in acknowledgement of your words but seemed distracted, like his mind was somewhere else and his body was the only thing tying him to the room.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking back up at you. “Just a busy day and a busy week.”

You nodded, unsure if he wanted to say more or if you were supposed to have more of a reply than a simple nod of your head.

You’d both been stammering out awkward sentences and trying to dance around the elephant in the room for a few weeks, but now, under his gaze, you felt more uncertain than before.

“Are you okay?” He turned the question around and watched you closely.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, moving to sit on the couch.

“You seem--off.”

You didn’t know what it was. Could he possibly sense the tension in your shoulders as you waited for an email either way? You got the job! We regret to inform you…

Or was he just aware that you felt awkward since it had been almost two weeks since you had any considerable amount of alone time and even longer since you were able to have a date night that wasn’t interrupted by Jeff or Erica or someone who needed something from him.

He took a few steps closer towards you, a look of concern etched on his features. “What’s wrong?”

The words were on the tip of your tongue when he looked at you, eyebrows lifted as he waited for you to spit it out.

“I guess I feel like we’ve been distant.”

He pushed his head forward, almost like he hadn’t expected that to be the issue. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, caught off guard by his pushiness. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought it up.

“You don’t know?” He pressed.

You broke eye contact with him for a minute, wondering why you had to state the obvious. “Well, you’re busy all the time, Harry.”

He let his shoulders rise and fall in defeat, looking around the room in frustration. “I told you that finishing the album would be busy.”

“Yeah, but you forgot to mention that you’d also be busy when the album is done once promo starts and then tour,” your voice was quiet, not so much angry as you were upset.

You were tired. You wanted nothing more than to spend a night on the couch with him and only him, tell him about LA and about the sudden itch you felt to see more of the world than just London.

But with Jake and Adam always around and Bryn and Jessie, too, paired with interruptions from Jeff and Erica--it felt as if there was no hope for a private or honest conversation.

He came to sit closer to you on the couch now, took your hands in his. “I know my job is a lot, okay? I know it’s annoying that I don’t necessarily get weekends off or have a typical schedule, but once the album is out and the promo is done I’ll have a bit of a break before the tour. We can go on vacation somewhere, just us.”

It sounded nice, maybe a tropical island or a cabin in the woods. But before you could nod in agreement the thought of Los Angeles popped into your head.

His album was due out in December, promo from now through the New Year, some time off in February and March for both of your birthdays and then tour. You had no clue where you’d be by then.

Would you be in LA? Would you be in London? Would you be stuck in this same spot on his couch with decision paralysis and a crushing sense of uncertainty about the future?

He knew you were over-thinking and tilted his head. “What?”

You blew out a slow breath of air, twisted a ring on your finger and then looked up at him again.

You didn’t even have a chance to be more honest, a buzz on your phone on the coffee table in front of you both broke the room in half, the name of the woman you’d spoken to was in bold next to your email icon. You reached for it quickly, Harry’s brows furrowed when you pulled it close to your chest so he wouldn’t see.

“What’s that?”

Hi Y/N, thank you so much for your patience over the last few days. We would love to offer you a position with NBC Universal - E! News as an on-air correspondent in our Los Angeles headquarters.

You looked up at him quickly, cheeks red and heart racing.

“What’s happening, are you okay?”

“I got a job offer,” you said quickly, still holding the phone close to you.

“What?” He smiled, “why didn’t you tell me you were looking? I didn’t even know--”

“It’s in Los Angeles.”

His smile faded instantly, he blinked a few times like he must have misheard you. The leather of his couch felt cool beneath your legs, a clock on the wall ticked and for a second, you wondered if he could hear your pulse as loudly as you could.

He pulled his eyes away from you but then quickly scanned over your face. “Are you taking it?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Silence, words filled your brain and crawled up the back of your throat, desperate to be said out loud, in real life, instead of just circling in your head.

Because I don’t know what we’re doing or if we’re moving forward. I don’t know where I want to live. I don’t know if I can stay in London forever. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Only the last part made it out between your lips. “I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he stood up, more angry now as he looked around the room and scratched at the base of his neck. “This kind of feels like a bombshell to drop on someone.”

“I was going to tell you--but we haven’t had a second alone, I just didn’t want to have to tell everyone before I knew what was happening.”

“You didn’t even tell me you interviewed,” he said.

“The last time I saw you alone we got interrupted by Erica three times in one conversation.”

“Probably for a good reason--”

“But you seriously can’t even put your phone down lately when we have dinner, even when everyone else is there!”

“I can’t help it that my work is insanely busy right now!”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” you said this quickly, voice higher than usual and a heat on your skin that he normally didn’t provoke, at least not in a bad way. You stood from the couch and put your hands on your hips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t even know if this job is right for me and under no circumstances are you allowed to tell anyone. Especially Jessie.”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“What’s the eye roll for?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Everyone just got back and now you might leave and--”

“I said I don’t know if I’m going to take it.”

He was quiet at that, clucked his tongue in thought but then disappeared upstairs to shower and change.

The car ride over was awkward, he asked how your day had been and you told him you talked to Alyssa, he bristled when you admitted you told her about it.

It wouldn’t be the end of the conversation, you were sure of that. You’d likely end up at his for the night and he’d apologize for being busy, you’d apologize for not telling him and maybe, you hoped, he’d ask you to stay over.

When you greeted Adam with a hug, you ignored Harry’s sour mood and opened the menu in front of you.

“My first dinner as a Londoner,” Jessie smiled, shimming her shoulders in excitement when Bryn looked over the specials across the table from you.

“This is on you, right? New job, new salary?” Jake teased.

“Maybe if I hadn’t just bought a whole new bedroom set,” she rolled her eyes.

“How’s everything with you?” Adam eyed Harry, his question veiled to avoid too many details in public.

Luckily, Harry’s ability to go out in public in London was similar to that in New York. As long as a private room or a table in the back was requested, he could typically get away unscathed if dinner was less than 2 hours and if he had his back to the dining room.

“Fine,” he shrugged, eyes still down at the drink menu.

“Fine?” Jessie leaned forward, her tone insinuating that she didn’t believe him. “You’ve been working really hard all summer and now all you say is ‘fine?’”

He glanced up at her, lips in a forced smile. “S’all good, Jess--just tired.”

Bryn gave you a look, one that asked what stick is up his ass?, before she changed the topic.

“Let’s not tell our server how fit she is tonight, yeah?”

Jake let out a snort of a laugh and sipped at the water that had already been brought to your table. “Alright, you thought the one last week was just as hot as I did.”

“I did,” Bryn agreed seriously, “but I didn’t offer my number unsolicited. How do you know she’s even straight?”

“She’s got a point,” Jessie chimed in. “Remember when you asked that girl to dance in the club when her girlfriend was right there with her arm around her?”

“I thought they were just mates!” Jake defended.

“You also have the worst radar for gay women ever,” Bryn nodded.

“When was this?” Harry asked, the hint of a smile on his face when he watched Jake adjust his napkin on his lap.

The words came out of your mouth without thought. “You weren’t here--you were in LA.”

He met your eyes when you replied, nodded, and then leaned back in his chair, effectively bowing out of the conversation without saying another word.

You weren’t trying to be short with him. You looked over to Jessie, who undoubtedly sensed the tension, and offered a smile. “How’s the flat?”

“Good,” she nodded. “Glad that all my furniture got put together without any scratches,” she reached over and patted Adam on the shoulder.

“We’re not children, Jessie, we can handle some furniture.”

“You broke my dresser when I asked you guys to move it into another room,” Bryn reminded, a look of confusion on her face at Adam’s retort.

“Only because it was already half broken and a piece of shit,” Jake said. “I love you, Brynnie, but that dresser was already knocking on Heaven’s door.”

Harry let out a laugh at that, another memory that he had missed while on a trip to a studio somewhere north of London. He excused himself to the bathroom after you placed your orders, and once he was out of earshot, Jake leaned down and looked at you.

“What’s going on with him?”

You forced a cheesy grin and blinked a few times. “He’s just grumpy.”

“‘Bout what?” Bryn asked.

“Guys,” you leaned back in your chair, hoping you didn’t have to say too much. “I can’t tell you every single thing that happens in our relationship.”

“Well, when it affects us I think we have the right to know,” Jessie shrugged, playing the typical we don’t like when our parents fight card.

“It’s not affecting you,” you shook your head, eyed her seriously over your glass of Pinot Noir.

Adam shrugged, a smirk on his face let you know he was trying to rile you up. “He’s grumpy at dinner and we’re all here and we’re all aware of it. We don’t like tension between you two.”

“Alright, leave the woman alone,” Jake waved them off. “As long as everything’s alright.”

“It’s totally alright,” you nodded, wondering when you’d gotten so comfortable lying to them. “He’s just busy with the next phase of work.”

With Harry’s album yet to be announced, you couldn’t sit around in a London restaurant and divulge details--even if you were all acutely aware of the work he’d put in and the upcoming announcements and events.

Adam let it go. “How’s work for you, Smalls?”

Another shrug of your shoulders, “s’good--I told you all about my November cover story, right?”

“Yeah,” Jessie sipped a glass of Cabernet. “But you said you didn’t know who it was going to be with.”

“Well, s’cause I had to drop the bomb on him first,” you nodded in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be sitting down in a few days with Ms. Gigi Hadid,” you lowered your voice and leaned forward to say her name.

Bryn’s eyes went wide, Jake grimaced.

“How’d he take that?” Adam asked.

“He’s not thrilled,” you admitted. “But I’ll talk with his team about what to avoid specifically, I guess. Her team will probably have a list of off-limits items too.”

Bryn let her elbows rest on the white tablecloth. “Yeah, but, you can’t just ignore the fact that she’s dating Zayn.”

“I also can’t just barge in and stir shit up,” you said.

Harry pulled his chair out next to you and sat back down. “Who are you stirring shit up with?”

Everyone chose to be quiet now--Adam looked down at his phone and Jessie reached for her wine again.

“Just telling them about my cover story,” you admitted, watching his face for a reaction.

He nodded, a tiny smirk in your direction. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stir shit up,” he said, reaching to put a hand on your thigh beneath the table.

Those were the moments that made you feel less panicky--the realization that he was still choosing you and even when the tension was high and the mood was low, he’d reach over and remind you that yes, he cared. Even if he was late to dinner or distracted.

Which is why, when you got back in his car that night and headed for his house, you were surprised when his mood shifted again.

“I’ll just drop you at yours?”

“Oh--yeah, sure.”

“Did you want to come to mine?” He looked over at you like he hadn’t expected any resistance to sleeping separately.

You were quiet for a second--not if he didn’t want you there. “No, it’s fine.”

“I can’t read your mind, Y/N.”

“You don’t have to,” you said quickly, a prickly tone to your words when he made an unreadable face.

He drove in silence for a few minutes, closing in on your neighborhood when the street lamps disappeared for the sake of suburbia.

Eventually he cleared his throat and that sent you over the edge.

“What do you want me to say, Harry? Do you want me to apologize for interviewing for this job?”

“No,” he said simply. “I just don’t know why you thought you didn’t need to tell me about a huge decision like that.”

“It wasn’t a decision until today when they offered it to me.”

“Just seems like something you talk to your boyfriend about.”

You looked over at him in the dark of night, the glow from the dashboard didn’t help you see his features as he turned left onto your street.

“Well, sorry that we didn’t have the opportunity to talk about it between your work schedule and Jessie moving in and group dates--”

He slowed down on your street, put his flashers on when he stopped in front of your building. “I don’t want to keep secrets from each other,” his voice was softer now. “I don’t want to not know what’s going on in your life. I did enough of that for two years when we weren't talking.”

You sighed at this, the sentiment broke whatever anger was lurking inside you and when you looked up to see him, you wondered if you should ask him.

Are we ever going to move in together? Are we ever going to get engaged?

You figured the lead up to his sophomore album wasn’t the best time for that conversation. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you climbed the stairs to your flat alone.

**

A few days later you sat nervously in a conference room and watched as beads of sweat formed on the water glass in front of you. Tyler had brought you in, offered you a breath mint, and promised you’d be fine. When you asked him if the whole room was hot he said it was just you and your nerves--but the droplets of water that raced towards the wooden conference table begged to differ.

You’d gotten email after email this morning: one from Jeff with the rules he and Harry had come up with and eight from Gigi’s team with requests for snacks, topics to discuss, topics to avoid, lunch request, arrival and departure time, and a few extra regarding booking her photoshoot the next day.

A text lit up your screen when you tried to smooth your your hair in the reflection of your screen.

Jake Newcomb (10:42am): In case you’re wondering what to get me for my birthday, a video of Gigi Hadid saying she loves me would be perfect!

You ignored his text and felt a pang of disappointment in your gut, you thought it would have been Harry with words of encouragement.

He was fine with you doing the interview, he seemed to come around to the idea when he met with Jeff and had a chance to mark some things as off limits.

So far, his list was as follows:

Don’t publish anything too negative about anyone in the band (if she says anything negative about anyone in the band)

Harry and Jeff got to listen to the taped interview

Harry and Jeff got to read the article before you sent it off to your editor and could make suggestions to cut things if they felt it necessary.

It seemed silly, but you’d long been used to the lingo of contracts and riders and ground rules for things like these. You knew both Harry and Jeff trusted you, in fact, Jeff was now choosing to see this as a good opportunity for press before the announcement of Harry’s album.

Your biggest concern, truly, was not looking/sounding/acting like an idiot in a room alone with Gigi Hadid. Your second biggest concern was conducting a unique interview and writing a unique article.

You knew that Naomi and Tyler were nearby for support if needed, Tyler had already walked by the conference room three times to see if your subject had arrived and likely to make sure you hadn’t sweat through your blouse. You thought the commotion in the hallway was him until you saw a group of busy-looking people with cellphones and sunglasses.

“Hi,” you stood from your chair, extended a hand in her direction and offered your best professional smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Gigi, thanks for doing this interview.”

She seemed hesitant at first, smiled a little and shook your hand. “Happy to,” she said. She turned over her shoulder and locked eyes with the woman who seemed to be the most in-charge of the group. “I’m good,” she nodded.

They hustled out quickly, you stood frozen in place and watched as she took off her coat before sitting in the chair you’d pulled out for her. Once the door was shut behind her posse, she let out a sigh that bled into a frustrated laugh.

“I could never do an interview with all of them just loitering around--wouldn’t that be so weird?”

You nodded, mirrored her smile and had to remind your body how to move. Left foot, right, breathe, sit in the chair.

You weren’t really one to get star struck, but then again, you didn’t spend too much time with celebrities that weren’t Harry or his close friends. You certainly never sat down with a model like Gigi to have a conversation that could be as awkward as this one.

She checked her phone quickly but then put it face down on the table. “I am happy to do this, I know it might feel weird for us to be hanging out--but boys are stupid anyway.”

You smiled at this, immediately relaxed when she leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

“Did you also get a whole list of things to not talk to me about?”

She stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Zayn can be a man of few words but,” she looked down at your phone on the table. “Off the record--he had quite a bit to say when I told him you were doing the interview.”

“Off the record,” you laughed, “Harry did too. But how is Zayn?”

“He’s good--thinking about getting back in the studio at some point to start working on a new album, he’s been writing a bunch. Harry’s doing the same I assume?”

“Yes, yeah, he’s been really busy.”

“I know things might not have gone great between all of them at the end, but I don’t want this to be awkward for us.”

“Me neither. You can say as much or as little about the band as you’d like.”

She nodded, you figured it was time to give your pre-interview spiel.

“So, I’ll record us in a few seconds, you can obviously say ‘off the record’ if there’s something you don’t want me to include, but I like my interviews to be like conversations, basically. I’ll send someone on your team the recording when we’re done and a typed transcript. You’ll have 48-hours to look over it and revoke any statements that you don’t want me publishing or to clarify anything. After that I’ll write the story, send a final copy to your team before it gets finalized here, again, 48-hours to look it over and request any changes but at that time we don’t have to approve the requests. This is all in a document somewhere that someone probably signed for you--I’m sure your team is used to it, they know what they’re doing.”

You reached forward and pressed a few buttons on your phone, she watched until you looked up and told her: “It’s on now, so we’re recording and today is September 10th, 2019.”

She smiled like you were old friends. “Where do we start?”

“Is there somewhere you want to start?”

She leaned her head to the side. “We can jump right to it--”

“To what?”

“Oh come on,” she laughed. “Us talking about One Direction will make headlines for weeks.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “It’s funny that us just sitting down together will be a big deal, right? As if we’ve got nothing better to talk about than them.”

“Sexism at it’s finest,” she admitted.

“Do you find that a lot in your industry?”

She thought on this for a second, looked out the window but nodded. “It’s unavoidable, in a lot of ways. I think there have been a lot of changes over the last few years to at least move us in the right direction, but we’ve got a long way to go.”

“How would you want to see it change for the better?”

“Well, I’d love to have more privacy about my love life, for one,” she caught herself, looked to you quickly as if she felt bad. “Off the record, we can talk about it here, it’s fine. It’s different to talk about it with a woman, number one. And you’re you, you get it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you offered.

“No, I don’t mind. Unless you plan on asking me stupid things like how amazing is it to be dating someone as handsome as him or do I find that his job overshadows mine, we’re good. We can be back on the record, too,” she looked down at the numbers on your phone, eyeing the ticking of the recording clock.

“But do you know what I mean? No one asks guys questions like that--or they’re different, at least. People just want to know everything about your relationship when you’re a woman and they view you in the context of who you’re sleeping with.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I get that.”

She smiled, “it’s hard to date someone famous, isn’t it? Lots of rules around it.”

You were surprised by the genuine look in her eyes, despite her own status and contracts and income, she seemed to be acknowledging that the two of you shared a unique experience and were now brought together under strange circumstances.

“It’s definitely hard for me--but, isn’t it easier seeing as you also have an assistant and a manager and people to, I don’t know, facilitate things? Not to invalidate how hard it still is.”

She laughed at that, “Yeah, in some ways, probably. He’s really private though, which is good for us. We focus on ourselves and do our own thing most of the time.”

“Right--you seem pretty private about it for the most part.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, reflecting on your words for a second. “I think to me it feels weird that my relationship status can make so much news, you know? Modeling is my job and obviously that’s not your typical nine-to-five but--I like to focus on my work and when male journalists are continuously obsessed with my love life, I find that weird. I mean, you get that, right? I’m sure it’s no different with Harry.”

You bit your lip, embarrassed at how she’d managed to turn it around. She was right--you’d been getting more and more annoyed with how much your relationship with Harry was dictating your life--and for some reason, you admitted this to her.

“People are much more interested in me because I’m dating him--but they’d be just as interested in you even if you weren’t.”

“Would they?” She tilted her head to the side, another rise and fall of her shoulders as she looked around the room. “I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it feels like dating him gave my career a huge boost. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I totally get it. I feel the same way. I was building my career in New York and it was going well and I was writing fun stuff and making a name for myself and then I started hanging out with him and--”

“Everyone started to care more about you?”

“Exactly.”

You thought about the headlines, the articles, the pictures in tabloids that undoubtedly helped your name spread like wildfire through London and New York. You had to ignore it, most of the time, reassure yourself that you were a good journalist and a good employee and the good things in your career were not just a byproduct of the boy who slept in your bed.

She smiled knowingly, her lips in a thin line when she looked down to the tape recorder, almost like she felt guilty for steering the conversation in a different direction.

“Sorry,” you cleared your throat, sitting up straight. “Back to business.”

The conversation bled into more normal things: the upcoming fall fashion week, how she manages self-care when she’s busy jetting from city to city, and, try as you might, the two of you wound your way back to your commonalities a few times: sexism in your industries, life as young women dating famous men.

You thanked her profusely at the end and promised that Tyler would be in touch to confirm the date and time for her corresponding photoshoot later that week. She draped a Versace leather tote over her shoulder and seemed to float out of the office with a posse of beautiful people behind her.

You stood--still awestruck--in the hallway and watched as the elevator doors slid shut.

“She’s prettier in person,” Tyler said from beside you, a notebook in hand as he stared at the air she’d once occupied. “I didn’t know if that type of thing was possible but she’s definitely one of the prettiest humans I’ve ever seen.”

“She was nice,” you turned around to see Naomi behind him, also eager for more details. You headed back for your office in a trance, they scurried behind you as you thought aloud. “I mean, I didn’t think she’d be rude--but I didn’t know what to expect with the whole band history stuff.”

“Did you talk about that?”

“Less about the band and more about--” you blinked a few times and sat down at your desk, “sexism, what it’s like to be a woman dating a famous man and how that affects your career.”

Both of their eyes went wide, a smile tugged at Naomi’s lips when Tyler put a hand over his heart in shock.

“I’m sorry, so you’re telling me that you just had a heart to heart with Gigi Hadid about sexism and your boyfriends and--”

“I guess so,” you shrugged, just as surprised as they were.

**

You gave Harry fewer details that night over FaceTime as you brushed your teeth. He was somewhere in New York, disappointed that he’d miss Jake’s birthday dinner and celebration, but he promised to make it up to him when he got back.

He lifted a cup of tea to take a sip, light shone through the window behind him on your screen and he scrolled through emails on his laptop.

You spit into the sink, an ocean between you.

“Have you thought at all about the offer? You have to tell them by tomorrow, yeah?”

You nodded, wiped at your mouth with a towel and then crossed your arms. “I can stay, I mean--if you want me to.”

He made a face at that, leaned forward and furrowed his brows together. “Of course I want you to stay, Y/N, but I don’t want to be the reason you pass on something important."

You were quiet for a second, uncapped lotion before spreading some across your forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't react well when you told me. I'm proud of you and it sounds like a phenomenal opportunity...I don't know, it's just the timing of it--"

You cut him off, “well none of this is ideal timing, Harry.”

“Do you mean with my album?”

“I mean with any of it,” you said truthfully. “The album, the job offer--”

“Well the album existed before the job offer,” he trailed off.

Only a matter of seconds and a handful of words had managed to get you elevated and angry and ready to fight. That was happening more easily, these days.

“So what am I supposed to do? Always come second? Make every decision in my life based off of your career and your music?”

“S’not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that--I dunno--I thought you knew what you were getting into.”

Quiet, your hands gripped the counter in your bathroom. Your bare feet were on the floor and you wondered why you were trying so hard to make everything work if things were only getting harder.

“That came out wrong,” he shook his head, the look on his face let you know he wanted to take it back.

“No, it didn’t." You let out a sharp laugh. "I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Take the job,” he said quickly, like he saw you reaching for the button to end the FaceTime call.

“What?”

“Take it. If it’ll make you happy, take it.”

“And what about us?”

“We figure it out,” he shrugged. “We try.”

You sighed, unsure what to say.

"It's Los Angeles," he said. "Not Antarctica."

You blew air between your lips, looked up at him for a second. The curl of hair that dipped onto his forehead, the way his mouth pulled up in the corner like it always had.

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

His words didn’t offer any relief and you spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning and wondering how on earth you were supposed to make a decision.

Leaving him in London felt stupid. A few bumps in the road and you were ready to jump ship?

But staying and hoping for a ring or a shared address felt even stupider, somehow. You couldn’t pass up a dream job and hope that things would go well for your career if you weren’t going to work for it.

A few hours of rest came after 3am, your morning coffee was a tad bitter and the clouds in the sky seemed to match your mood. Maybe you should have spent more time thinking it over, talking it out, even calling your mum or Katie for advice.

But you couldn’t have told everyone about the job offer without a certain answer, and unfortunately, the person you wanted to talk to the most didn’t seem like he could be impartial.

You’d been upset, you’d been feeling disconnected from him, but that didn’t erase all of the good times and the happy memories you’d made, right?

Naomi and Tyler locked themselves in your office for lunch on Friday, they promised that they’d never tell your boss and they swore they supported you either way. Tyler used an expo marker to make a pros and cons list of staying in London and Naomi came up with a points system for each bullet on the list.

You stared at it, looked at the names of all of your friends, your family, your favorite cafes and restaurants in London. At the very bottom of what had become a long list of reasons to stay was his name.

And on the other side, Tyler’s poor drawing of an engagement ring sat beside a big question mark.

You didn’t know what the future held for you and Harry, and maybe that was okay. You didn’t know what would happen when you packed your life into a suitcase and moved to New York, but you’d survived to tell the tale.

They were quiet, eyes darting from the board back to you as they waited for you to say something.

You sighed, Tyler shifted on the couch in your office and Naomi smoothed out her blouse.

“I can’t take it,” you said.

Tyler’s eyes went wide, “really? You’re staying?”

“I can’t leave,” you shrugged. “I can’t leave him behind and leave my friends and start all over in a new city right as I’m really finding my groove here again.”

“Okay, I know we said we’d support you either way but I would have been fucking pissed if you went,” Tyler admitted, moving closer to wrap his arms around you.

You laughed, let him squeeze you before Naomi joined in.

“Me too,” she confessed, a smile on her face when she pulled away. “But I would have at least faked happy for you.”

You bit back the doubt and second-guessing, used their excitement to fuel a regretful email.

Thank you so much for the opportunity, but after careful consideration I cannot accept this position due to the geographical location.

Your thumb hovered over the small blue arrow, a wave of panic flooded through you when you hit send, like somehow, something inside of you knew that everything was about to change.

join the tag list here | talk to me

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AN: apologies in advance for the cliffhanger......except I'm not sorry lmao

[missymurphy1985]

Friends with Added Benefits (part 9)

Warnings - pregnancy / angst / early labour

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen

"Okay... Okay calm down y/n... You're fine.. you have plenty of time, just calm down..." You chanted to yourself before another sudden wave of tightenings across your belly made you gasp. They'd been coming off and on for an hour as you paced the living room. Not overly painful, just uncomfortable.

The front door opened and closed, you heard his footsteps in the kitchen, then up the stairs, back down, clearly looking for you. He came into the living room to find you leaning over the sofa, breathing calmly through your nose and out through your mouth.

"Y/n... What's wrong??" His hand moved to your lower back, rubbing it gently as you breathed out.

"I think I might be in labour..."

"What?? Now?? You're not due for another 5 weeks? Have you called the midwife? Do we need to go to hospital?"

"Slow down for the love of God... These things can take days Cillian there's no rush."

"Okay.. okay..."

"Keep rubbing my back, that feels nice.." another wave, this one stronger, making you wince a little. Cillian hurried into the kitchen and grabbed his phone, tapping a few buttons.

"I need to know when they start, and when they stop okay?" You looked at him confused, and he showed you a pregnancy app on his phone. "Downloaded it last week - it's got a contraction timer on it, it'll tell us whether this is the real thing or just Braxton Hicks. Have your waters broken?"

"No..."

"Any weird looking discharge?"

"I don't think so.. how do you know this stuff?"

"Alison's been telling me what to expect, gave me some apps to download, few tips here and there..." You felt really bad now for assuming he was having an affair with her.

"She's done all of that?"

"Yeah, she's been really excited about the whole thing. She trained as a midwife after Nathan was born, she knows her stuff."

"Start the timer... Oh god this hurts..."

"Breathe - in and out slowly... Come on look at me - I'm right here..."

Another hour passed, Cillian timing each contraction, easing you through the pain, rubbing your back and breathing with you, you didn't think you could have been more in love with him if you tried. He hadn't left your side once.

"What's that app saying?" You asked after another contraction ended.

"Could be slow labour - they're not regular at all babe, all over the place. How's the pain?"

"Not that bad, more like period pain than anything else."

"Okay. Call the hospital - let's get you in and monitored yeah? Is the baby moving?"

"Little kicks now and then.." he called the maternity suite and handed you the phone. You let them know what was happening and they told you to head down. Cillian grabbed the prepared hospital bag from the nursery and led you slowly to the car.

You'd been strapped up to the monitors for the last 2 hours, the contractions had stopped and you'd been examined - 1cm dilated. Your midwife, Alex, confirmed labour had begun but buckle up, this baby wasn't moving any time soon.

"Stress can trigger it - you need to relax as much as possible now y/n please," she warned.

"She's not lifting a finger now, I'll make sure of it," Cillian promised, hand in yours.

"Gentle exercise is good - it can speed things up a little. Gentle walks, bounce on a yoga ball?"

"Isn't it too soon?" You questioned.

"Nope - 35 weeks is fine. I'd like you to get to 37 weeks though so gentle exercise, maybe 15-30 minutes a day. Rest up for the rest okay? If your waters break, call us straight away." She wished you both well as she unstrapped you, and headed out the door, leaving you to gather your things and head home.

"Sofa. Now." Cillian ordered once you'd got through the front door.

"Only if you're bringing a blanket and coming with me?" You stopped him, taking his hands.

"I need to make a phone call and I'll be right in. Promise," he smiled and kissed you. One hand, as always, cradling your bump.

You settled on the sofa, and ten minutes later he came through with a large blanket and snacks. Once you'd settled between his thighs on the sofa he put your favourite film on and rubbed your arms.

"I'm so sorry, Cill..."

"Shh... Nothing to be sorry for. I'd have thought the same if I'd read those messages. I was more hurt that you didn't trust me than anything else."

"The thought of losing you scared me."

"I'm not going anywhere y/n, I put my house in Dublin up for sale last month, what does that tell you? Look at me." He shifted you around gently to face him on the sofa. "I, Cillian Murphy, love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else. I can't ever imagine my life without you in it."

"Fucks sake Cillian am I not hormonal enough?" You choked, tears in your eyes. "I love you too. So much." He kissed you, his hands either side of your face.

Cillian's phone ringing interrupted you, and you saw his mum's picture flash on the screen. He went to mute it but you stopped him.

"Answer it, it might be important." He nodded, and answered the call.

"Mother?" It always made you chuckle how he answered the phone to her. You settled back against his chest, listening to him telling his mum about the day you two had had, laughing as you heard her squealing down the line with excitement that her grandchild might be coming sooner rather than later. You pulled yourself up, suddenly feeling a strong pressure in your pelvis, when you felt a pop and Cillian shifting quickly behind you.

"Holy shit.. Mam I gotta go.... Yeah, everything is fine... Y/n's waters just broke!"

[svnflowervol666]

Ma Petite Chérie: Christmas Now (Harry Styles x fem!Reader)

Read more from this little universe, Ma Petite Chérie, in my masterlist!

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: Their first Christmas as a family of four. Underwhelming gifts, naughty kitchen counter shenanigans, being suspicious of Santa Claus, baby kissies, oat milk. 

Author’s Note: Baby bub is here! I’ve been so excited to finally be able to write about them, and I’m even more excited that you all get to read about them! This is the second part of my Christmas bits for this year. Unlike the last one, this one is obnoxiously adorable and no where near as upsetting (I really hurt my own feelings with that one). Reblogs, likes, tags, and feedback of any kind is always greatly appreciated! If you don’t see me before the year is up, I want to wish you a Happy New Year! Enjoy, take care, and tpwk.

“Two.”

“No. One.”

“Two.”

“One.”

“Four.”

“Now that’s just bein’ greedy,” Harry spoke in a wounded tone with his brows furrowed together as if he were genuinely offended.

“But if Santa’s coming tonight and bringing more presents, why can’t I open these ones right now?”

Tallulah was on her knees in front of the sofa, fingers laced together with her chin resting on top of them. She was quite literally begging her father, who sat above her with one leg crossed over the other and an arm slung around his wife, to allow her to open the gifts that were prematurely nestled underneath the festive fir tree in their living room. Well, they weren’t married yet, but Harry couldn’t help that he preferred how the word felt rolling off of his tongue than “fiance.”

“Because they’re Christmas presents,” he stressed.

“Makes no sense t’ open them the day before.”

His freshly six-year-old daughter clearly didn’t like that answer - the pouty jut on her lip and subsequent huff told Harry all he needed to know.

“I already told ya, sweet pea. You can open one tonight. That’s it. The rest are for tomorrow.”

“Fiiiiiine,” the small girl said, although it was implied in her tone that it very much was not.

Tallulah hobbled over to the tree whilst still on her knees, and began riffling through the small litter of perfectly wrapped boxes to inspect which one would elicit the most satisfaction on her end. She seemed keen on a rather large one, decorated with tartan print and a red gift tag that read, “To: Lulah, From: Daddy & Mummy.” What she hadn’t realized, though, was that Harry had already made the selection for her. 

“Not tha’ one,” Harry reprimanded over the steaming mug of coffee in the hand that wasn’t rubbing circles on Y/N’s shoulder.

He typically strayed away from caffeine this late in the evening, but he knew he was in for a long night of waiting up until Tallulah was fast asleep so he could take on the role of Santa and deliver all of the gifts he had promised her for being good enough to make an appearance on the Nice List. Knowing how much shit he had packed in his office that stayed locked this time of year, he really wasn’t sure how he was going to do it successfully.

Another exasperated sigh left his eldest child’s lips, to which she replied, “But this one’s the biggest.”

“But it’s not the one we want yeh t’ open, Lulah. ‘S the one with polar bears on it,” Harry stated, though not with full confidence.

“It is the one with polar bears on it, right?” he whispered to Y/N.

This earned a laugh from Y/N, who muttered a quiet, “Yes,” in return. She laid her head in the crook of Harry’s neck, basking in the warmth that radiated from his body. He smelled like cinnamon and the nutmeg-flavored coffee beans he’d ground up just a few minutes before, and maybe a hint like baby barf.

Tallulah scavenged the space under the tree like a predator hunting its prey - all on the lookout for the present fitting the description Harry had given her. Harry and Y/N found themselves thoroughly entertained by watching her overturn almost every gift, and shared a similar giggle when she narrowed in on the box in question before letting out a victorious, “Aha!” into the room only lit by a firelog in the chimney.

“Grab the one for Olive too, please. Don’t want her feelin’ left out,” Harry called out to Talulah. 

“Okay, daddy!”

Her small arms stretched to the limit, trying to grab both packages without toppling over onto the others. Tallulah noted that they both felt the exact same underneath the wrapping paper, only her baby sister’s was much smaller than the one addressed to her.

“They feel like clothes,” Tallulah stated matter-of-factly as she took back her place on the floor with both presents in hand.

Harry sighed, leaning down to rest his mug near his feet against the sofa.

“Good grief. Just open it, will yeh?”

She needed no further instruction. Her fingers dug into the paper, piercing it with her nails and ruining the pastel blue parchment that was covered in dozens of cartoon polar bears partaking in various yoga poses. When Tallulah was able to tear the gift away from its wrapping, her hands grasped something soft.

“It’s....pajamas.”

Her tone was flat and unamused. Harry sensed her disappointment, though in his heart he certainly felt like he’d done a great job concocting his plan to have her open this particular gift on Christmas Eve.

“Yeah, but they’re Christmas pajamas. Don’t yeh want t’ look nice when Santa comes to visit tonight?”

This seemed to...disturb Tallulah. That was really the only way to describe how she looked at her dad - with her eyebrows scrunched up and her normally-plush lips pressed together in a thin line.

“...He’s gonna come in my room when I’m sleeping?”

Y/N hadn’t meant to, but a loud cackle erupted from her chest, which jostled the four-month-old baby girl that had the beginnings of sleepiness settling into her body. In contrast to the laugh from Y/N, Olive let out the tiniest of shrills, obviously upset that her mother had interupted the peacefulness she’d felt whilst being curled up against her chest.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, bubby,” Y/N cooed quitely, quickly moving to pat her daughter’s bum and comfort her.

“Mummy didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

Y/N pressed a quick kiss to the sparse tufts of hair atop Olive’s head before returning her attention back to Tallulah.

“Lulah, I promise you that Santa will not come in your room while you’re sleeping. What your dad means,” she snuck a glance in Harry’s direction in which he smirked back at her, “Is that you want to look nice on Christmas morning, don’t you? You know Nana’s gonna take a thousand pictures of you and Olive tomorrow, so now you don’t have to change when she gets here, yeah?”

Tallulah nodded, though it didn’t do much to lift her spirits. She fumbled the cream-colored thermal set adorned with gold stars between her fingers, the motion she was always somehow doing whether it be to her dad’s t-shirt while she laid next to him during a movie, Y/N’s lotus pendant when she was smaller and could fit on her chest, or otherwise.

“Plus,” Y/N added, a hint of irony in her voice, “I’d imagine the presents Santa’s going to bring you are much less boring than this.”

They shared a knowing smile, Tallulah’s cheeks growing rosey and her eyes twinkling at the mention of the magical, bearded man.

“I’m offended,” Harry scoffed.

“Really thought those pajamas were proper cute.”

“They are cute, daddy!” Tallulah chimed in, “I like them a lot. Thank you.”

It appeared that the young girl had realized her moping about not receiving the nail polish kit she’d asked for didn’t do her any good. And whether Harry was joking about being upset or not, she’d never want to hurt her dad’s feelings. He’d raised her too kindly to do otherwise.

“You’re welcome, bug,” Harry smiled at her.

“Let’s help Olive open hers, yeah?”

“I bet it’s pajamas,” Tallulah mumbled under her breath.

That earned her a light tug on one of her two braided plaits on her head from Harry. The two of them chuckled at each other, their faces almost looking like identical portraits of each other.

“Humor me for a second then, Lulah. ‘S your sister’s first Christmas.”

Tallulah scoots over on the floor to stand on her knees, this time by Y/N’s legs as she turned Olive around to sit up straight in her lap. Olive, who was once determined to fall asleep right there on the couch beside her mum and dad, was now awake and had taken an interest in the crinkling sound of the wrapping paper on the gift her big sister placed on top of her chunky thighs.

“Here, Livvy,” Tallulah cooed, “You tear it like this.”

She tried to show Olive how to tear away the present by ripping it halfway open, but her effort proved to be unsuccessful the second Olive managed to get her fingers around a scrap of paper and immediately placed it in her mouth. It appeared that Olive was much more interested in the gift wrap than she was her early Christmas present.

“Well, there goes that,” Harry said as he fetched the then soggy parchment from his infant daughter’s lips, making somewhat of a disgusted face as he wiped the excess drool on the leg of his pants.

Tallulah takes the honor of opening Olive’s present for her, and is unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes when her eyes meet a set of thermal pajamas like the ones she’d just received herself, only Olive’s were green with tiny, silver stars. She’d parted her lips to make an undoubtedly flippant comment, but Harry cut her off before she even had the chance to mutter the first syllable.

“Don’t do it, stink head,” Harry quipped, reaching for the discarded paper that was scattered on the rug beneath him so he could put it in the bin later.

“How about you go put on your lovely new pajamas so we can get everything set up f’ Santa to come, alright?”

“Okayyyyyy,” the small girl grumbled before snatching the thermal set from the floor and darting off to her room.

“That didn’t really go the way I hoped,” Harry mumbled as he reached over to take Olive from Y/N.

“It’s Christmas, baby,” Y/N reminded him.

“Kids want toys, not pajamas.”

“Yeah but,” Harry focused his attention at worming the tight-fitting pajamas up his baby girl’s abnormally chubby legs.

“’S what mum used t’ do for us when we were little. Always got pajamas on Christmas Eve. Figured it’d be nice t’ do it for the girls, too.”

“It is sweet, Harry. Just wouldn’t expect a six-year-old to be that enthused about it,” Y/N snickered.

Harry hummed in agreement, his tongue poked out as he fed Olive’s arm into the tight sleeve of her top, struggling a bit to get her balled up fist through the other side.

“Ahh, there we go. Thank god ya only have t’ wear these tomorrow, Chunk. They’ll be too snug by next week.”

“Leave my fat baby alone,” Y/N scolded.

“There’s nothing wrong with being well fed,” she added, leaning over to lightly pinch on her daughter’s round tummy in an attempt to get her to smile at her.

A gummy grin took over Olive’s features at the sight of her mother, a true mummy’s girl at heart. She was much like Tallulah in many ways, but so different at the same time. Olive was still nearly bald, whereas Tallulah’s hair grew like a sprout when she was Olive’s age. Tallulah had always been teeny tiny, no doubt due to her premature birth, and Olive clearly made up in weight for what Tallulah lacked when she was a baby. They both loved cuddles with Harry and listening to the sound of his voice as they fell asleep, but it always puzzled him when Olive didn’t respond to some of his antics in the way that Tallulah had. 

“‘M not bein’ mean. I’d jump on the chance to suck on your tits all day if I could, too.”

“Har-” Y/N began to reprimand him about how she can’t say that because there are little ears in the room, but was stopped short.

“I’m back! Can we set out the cookies now?”

Tallulah breathed heavily as if she just sprinted a marathon into the living room. 

“Sure can,” Harry responded.

“Come tell Livvy good night first, though. Mummy’s gotta feed her and put her t’ bed.”

She smiled at the mention of her little sister, whom she was always keeping at an arm’s reach. If Tallulah was awake, she was in the same room as Olive. It made Harry’s heart ache in the best way to watch the two of them interact with each other. The feeling he felt when he first saw Olive in Tallulah’s arms at the hospital never subsided. He was absolutely besotted for his girls.

“Bonne nuit, ma petite soeur,” Tallulah whispered to Olive, reaching down to hug her sister and kiss the crown of her head, which she happily accepted in the form of weaving her pudgy fingers into Tallulah’s braids and pulling them rather harshly.

Before he handed her off to Y/N to be fed and put down for the night, he gave Olive a kiss of his own.

“Bonne nuit, ma petite chérie.”

//

“‘How do you know Santa likes oat milk? Did he tell you that? Luna at school told me he likes chocolate almond milk.’ What kinda shit is that?!” Harry exclaimed with a mouth full of sugar cookie and in the quietest voice he could muster.

He’d just spent the last hour with Y/N, silently digging Tallulah’s gifts from Santa out of his office and placing them underneath the tree. Thankfully, he hadn’t tripped over his own feet and woken her up or else he would have cried right there on the spot.

All Y/N could do was giggle back at him from where she sat on top of the counter, bare legs swinging as she had a mouthful of the very same oat milk in question swishing in her mouth.

“She’s asking too many questions n’ I don’t like it one bit.”

“Think she’s just growing up, babe. The magic doesn’t last forever. She’s about at that age. Probably only have one or two more Christmases before she figures it out.”

Harry stared at the remaining half of the frosted cookie Tallulah left for Santa in his palm, eyes quiet and sullen.

“Don’t like that one bit, either,” he muttered.

“I know you don’t, bubby,” Y/N cooed, pulling Harry into her so he stood between her parted legs on the countertop.

“But you’ve still got Olive.”

He seemed to perk up at that, looking up at her through thick lashes with a smirk.

“Just Olive? We stoppin’ there?”

“I mean,” Y/N pursed her lips.

“Wouldn’t mind trying for a boy.”

Harry placed his hands on either side of her thighs, stroking her skin with his thumbs.

“Might not happen on the first go, though,” he tisked.

“Could take havin’ a few more for that t’ happen. Yeh alright with that?”

“As long as you’re not tired of me by then, then sure,” Y/N jested.

“’M never gonna be tired of you.”

He leaned in close to her, touching his forehead to hers. He was a split second away from kissing her, but then Y/N spoke up again.

“Harry,” she called out.

“Hmm,” Harry’s voice oozed with desire and darkness beginning to turn his eyes a deep shade of juniper.

“Can I please have a bite of your cookie?”

He softly bumped his forehead against hers as they both broke out into a fit of chuckles.

“Allumeuse,” Harry uttered, raising the sickeningly sweet cookie to her lips.

She chewed the baked good tantilizingly slow, making a scene of rolling her eyes back and moaning as if the taste was euphoric.

“Tu aimes ça,” she snided.

“Je fais.”

The two sat in silence after that, finishing up what was left of the small plate of sweets Tallulah had left by the chimney. It wasn’t often that the house was this quiet. Normally, there was a crying Olive to attend to or a needy Tallulah begging for one of them to get more paper out of Harry’s office printer so she could draw pictures of the plants in their garden out back. It would have been eerie, had the multi-colored lights from their Christmas tree not illuminated the majority of their open living space. The twinkling bulbs brought a sense of peacefulness about them. Maybe it was the season, or maybe it was because they’d been feeling so grateful for their small family as of late.

“Honey,” Harry broke the silence.

“What?” she looked up from where she’d been fussing with the hem of her shorts decorated with tiny snowflakes.

“Yeh got a little,” he gestured to her mouth before bringing his thumb to the corner of Y/N’s mouth.

Harry swiped a rogue dollop of blue frosting that rested there and pressed it onto her tongue. She wrapped her lips around his digit, sucking lightly to remove the sticky icing from his skin. Her eyes met his, not once straying as he applied just the slightest bit more of pressure with his thumb. He noted the way her breathing slowed and how she gently shuddered when he tightened the grip of her jaw with the rest of his fingers.

“So pretty,” he purred, marveling at the sight in front of him.

God, how Harry wished it weren’t just his finger resting on the soft, welcoming warmth of her tongue.

Y/N slid off his thumb with a calculated pop of her lips, licking them to ensure she’d rid herself completely of any stray crumbs.

“Kissy?” she posed, smirking.

“I’d be pretty rotten if I said no,” Harry replied before pressing his mouth against hers.

She wrapped her arms around him, forcing him to stand flush against the counter and even closer to her body. He teased her with this tongue, gliding it along the plush skin of the inside of her lip. Y/N welcomed him and parted her lips enough for Harry to get through. Both of them taste the saccharine remnants of the cookies they’d shared, and soon all that’s heard in the house are the suckling noises and heavy pants coming from Harry and Y/N. It’s not loud enough to be a disturbance, but it’s just enough to have them both yearning for more.

“Talk t’ me, lapine,” Harry broke away from her for long enough to mumble one sentence, still pressed against her lips.

“Tell me what yeh want.”

“Want you,” Y/N said in a shaky exhale, chasing Harry’s mouth to reconnect with her own.

“Yeah?” he taunted.

“Want me right here in the kitchen?”

“Ideally, no. But I wouldn’t stop you.”

She parted her legs even wider, attempting to rut against the thick fabric of Harry’s fleece sweatpants. Her center met something stiff and Harry pulled her even closer by the flesh of both bum cheeks, massaging them with his massive palms in a manner that he knew drove her mad.

“That’d be pretty naughty of us, wouldn’t it? Not sure if Santa would approve of that one.”

Before she’s given a chance to respond, Harry snuck his hand between their thighs and began softly petting Y/N over her shorts. Her head fell back in pleasure, temporarily detaching her lips from Harry’s. She knows she can’t make a single sound or else she’ll wake up the entire house so she just sits there with her brows furrowed, silently gasping and letting these sweet, broken moans spill from her throat that spur Harry on even further.

“Can feel you even through your fuckin’ shorts, Y/N,” he grunted, slowing grinding against his own palm that was the only thing separating him from her heat.

This time, it’s Y/N that reached between them, feeling for the stifness that lies between his legs. She wraps her fingers around him through his sweatpants, leisurely tugging at his cock. Harry’s all but forced to begin sucking on the sensitive skin of her neck to keep himself from crying out at the contact, working at blossoming deep lilac and mulberry colored bruises there.

“Bet you could cum just like this, couldn’t you?” he muffles into her collarbone.

Y/N hummed, crossing her legs around Harry’s back as he began to focus his attention to rubbing her clit over the material of her shorts.

“Bet you could too,” she whined.

“’S that what you want, hm? Want me t’ make you cum without even touchin’ you right?”

“‘M not gonna have a choice if you don’t do something else pretty soon.”

She sped up the work she’s doing near Harry’s crotch, paying mind to what she can make of his tip between his boxers. With her thumb, she rubbed expert circles around him, massaging him in the way that he’s doing to her. Both of them could feel it, the slow build up of pressure deep in their abdomen - a coil winding tighter and tight with the threat of snapping.

“Fuckin’ hell, Y/N.”

He was biting her neck now, completely consumed by the feeling of both the damp patch seeping through Y/N’s shorts and onto his fingers and the precum dripping onto her more delicate ones through his sweatpants.

In an attempt to not embarass himself like a horny teenager, Harry withdrew his hand from in between her thighs and places it around her bum all in the same breath. Y/N sighed defeatedly at the loss of friction against the place she needed it most, dropping her head into Harry’s shoulder and whining rather noisily. Before she even has the chance to curse him for stopping, he scooped her off the counter with all of his strength and began walking both of them to their bedroom so he could fuck her properly.

Their lips detach when Harry drops her onto the bed and a woosh of air leaves the down comforter, causing the hem of Y/N’s top to fly up and expose her tummy. She still wore the deep, almost-metallic stretch marks she’d acquired when she was pregnant with Olive, but it wasn’t with shame. Her and Harry had a talk not that long ago about how much he loved them because it reminded him of how much he cherished watching his baby girl grow before she made her grand, earthside appearance. She’d not mentioned the slightest bit of disdain for them after that.

Just as Harry tugged his jumper over his head and threw it off somewhere that he’d worry about in the morning, his eyes caught the digital clock that rested on the wooden night stand on his side of the bed.

“’S past midnight,” he said with a lopsided grin, climbing on top of the girl he vowed to spend his last dying breath beside.

“Yeah?” Y/N asked, for the life of her unable to understand why that was relevant when just minutes ago, he was rutting into her hands and aching for release.

“Yeah,” Harry smiled against her lips.

He pulled up once more to add, “Happy Christmas.”

She had half the mind to smack him, but all she did was shake her head and smile.

“Happy Christmas, Harry. Will you please fuck me now?”

“Think I can manage that.”

It was the first of many Christmas presents for Y/N.

[fleetingpieces]

My One in a Million CH 6

Here we go! Thanks for the patience and support everyone❤️

Thank you to my amazing betas @knittingdreams and @inloveoknutzy I love you both so much❤️

And thank you so much lovely @heyitssmiller for your amazing vet knowledge and kind help, I hope what I wrote makes sense!😅

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added! <3 )

@justdyingontheinside @donttouchmycarrots @heyoitslysso @whataboutmyfries @sunflowerfox87 @hereforwolfstarr @potterlocked24-7 @cheekeebabe

CW: dog getting sick

Here’s the Masterlist, and the story in Ao3 if you prefer to read there :)

Chapter 6 - Water tides

Remus let the water wrap around him lazily as he swam down the middle of Gryffindor Tower’s indoor pool at a serene pace. He was glad to have the place all to himself that late afternoon, as he was exhausted after a pretty intense workout.

His day had been fully booked; he’d been out since morning, only stopping home long enough to grab his gym bag and head to the building’s top floor. He was trying to clear his head and organize his thoughts, but just like in the past three days, his mind drifted to the gift that was still sitting face-down in his guestroom, waiting for him to figure out what the hell to do with it.

As he reached the other end of the pool, he stood there with his hands caressing the surface of the water, feeling the slight resistance it made against his palms.

Sirius had seemed so genuinely sorry and like he was really putting in the effort, and Remus didn’t know what to make of it. It was still hard to believe how fast things had changed; this was the man that had been driving him crazy for weeks... but he was also the one that was making Remus open up about his past, even if it was just a little bit. Even Cocoa liked him. It’d been really hard for Remus not to turn into a fucking pile of goo when he saw them together, and fuck if Sirius’ starstruck face didn’t do things to him. People were usually afraid of Cocoa, but Sirius had opened his arms to him straight away.

What an adorable bastard.

Remus groaned and dived underwater. He stayed in place, floating with his eyes closed. Doing this always gave him a sense of peace that very few other things could. With the exception of yoga, maybe.

It was terribly ironic how sometimes he felt like he couldn’t bring air into his lungs when he remembered that time, but being underwater felt so soothing, even if he was obviously not breathing. There was something about the stillness of it and how weightless it made him feel, as if nothing could bring him down; and having his eyes closed, he could imagine having infinite space all around him, like maybe he’d blink and he’d be floating with the stars.

A splash of bubbles that could only mean another person had jumped into the pool reached his ears.

Remus held on for a few seconds more before he stood up, breaking the surface as he passed a hand through his face and hair to get the water out of his eyes.

“Merde.”

The whispered word echoed in the big room, though Remus was probably not supposed to hear it. He froze with a hand still in his curls and turned towards the voice.

“Sorry, I thought it was empty,” Sirius said from a few feet away. He lifted a muscular arm to rub at the back of his head and frowned with a small smile. “Just how long can you hold your breath?”

Remus just stared at him. At the way the droplets of water dripped from his dark locks and ran down his chest and the planes of his stomach. He swallowed, lifting his gaze before it could travel down further and focused on the piercing grey eyes that were already staring back at him. It felt as though Sirius could see into his soul, and it shocked Remus to realise that the thought wasn’t as scary as it should be.

Remus wasn’t sure how long they stood there, it could have been a second or maybe hours, but the smile slowly faded from Sirius’ face.

“I can go?” he asked unsurely.

“No!” Remus said hastily, before clearing his throat. “No, it’s fine.”

“Ok...” Sirius seemed surprised. They stared at each other a few moments more, Remus wracking his brain for something to say but coming up short. Sirius shifted on his feet. “Well, I don’t want to get in your way, so…”

He started turning around to go to the other side of the pool. Remus took a deep breath.

“Wait.”

Stopping mid-movement, Sirius turned around, arching a perfect eyebrow.

“I…” Remus started, but closed his mouth. Sirius’ eyes softened, and Remus started again, more firmly. “I never thanked you.”

That made Sirius frown. “Why would you need to thank me?”

“For the painting,” Remus said simply, though he figured it should be obvious. He couldn’t help but add with a small crooked smile, “and for the cookies too. Even though they were awful.”

Sirius barked a laugh, covering his face with a hand, and Remus found himself wishing he didn’t. He wanted to see the way his eyes crinkled. “Yeah, well. I should have asked first before I did anything, sorry I assumed-”

“No,” Remus interrupted, shaking his head. “No, you had no way of knowing.” He stopped to take another deep breath. “I'm sorry, I overreacted.”

Sirius raised both eyebrows at that, he clearly hadn't expected an apology. He regarded Remus steadily before he shrugged. “It's important to you. I think it's perfectly reasonable to react the way you did.”

Such a simple phrase, and yet something tugged fiercely in Remus’ chest. He tried to ignore it and sank until the water covered up to his shoulders. There was something about this man that made raw emotions come to the surface, and he tried his best to control them.

“Still, you were only trying to do something nice. So thank you.”

Sirius nodded as he stared at him, a small smile on his face again.

“Maybe we can start over?” He swam closer and Remus resisted the urge to sink lower. Instead, he got up when the other man extended a hand towards him. "Hi. I'm Sirius Black, and I live in apartment 12. Nice to meet you," he grinned.

The resolution on Sirius' face made Remus smile too, before he glanced down at the outstretched hand and reached to shake it. Despite the coldness of the water, Sirius’ palm was so warm that Remus felt it in his core, and he looked back up quickly to find Sirius giving him an odd look.

“Remus Lupin. I’m in apartment 10, right next to yours. Funny that we didn’t bump into each other sooner,” he said playfully, earning himself another wholehearted laugh from the other man, his chest rising and falling with it.

“Ouais, funny that,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. He let go of Remus’ hand and promptly plunged underwater, emerging only one second later while shaking his hair like a dog and sending a wall of droplets in Remus’ face. 

“You mutt,” said Remus as he raised an arm to cover himself, making Sirius smile widely. 

God, does he ever stop grinning? 

“So, what brought you to Gryffindor?”

The casual way he asked it made Remus relax some more. He sagged back down and moved from the shallow part of the pool, treading water as he thought of everything that had led him here.

“It’s kind of a long story, but the main reason is that I wanted to expand my brand, and I thought living in a bigger city would be better for that purpose.”

Sirius nodded as though he knew exactly what Remus was talking about. “Yeah, that makes sense. Where did you live before?”

A wistful smile tugged at Remus’ mouth, and he noticed Sirius tilting his head in curiosity. “In the countryside, just outside of Gryffindor. I was born there and lived in that town my whole life until I decided to move here.”

“Do you miss it?” Sirius asked softly.

The water lapping around them was the only sound in the air as Remus looked down at his hands, weaving them just beneath the surface.

“Yeah...I miss my mum and Leo mostly. I know it’s not too far, but it’s not easy to see them either. I guess it’s hard for me not seeing them everyday.” Remus didn’t add that it made him feel lonely, or like he was back in room 308, but Sirius seemed to sense that it was making him feel sad, cause he didn’t ask more about that and moved to another question.

“What’s your hometown like?”

Remus smiled thankfully at him. “It’s really small, nothing compared to this,” he made a sweeping gesture with his arm. “But it’s beautiful. There’s this beach that Leo and I used to go to all the time when we were kids, and later on we would always find the time to go there on small camping trips, just the two of us in bedrolls, sleeping under the stars. It became a tradition. And then, there’s a forest on the other side, with these huge trees that go on for miles, and there’s a-” Remus stopped himself when he realised he’d been going on and on without a pause, blushing a bit. He looked at Sirius sheepishly. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away.”

But Sirius was just looking at him with a dopey smile. “That’s ok. I like listening to you speak.”

Remus didn’t know what to do with that, so he cleared his throat. “What about you?”

“Hm?” Sirius asked distractedly.

“Did you always live here?”

That seemed to snap him out of whatever he’d been lost in. He ran a hand through his hair, which stayed pushed back, sleeked by the water. Remus liked it. He could see more of his face like this.

“Uh, no. I grew up in Slytherin, actually. But I went to boarding school when I got older, so I spent a lot of my teenage years there. It’s where I met James and most of the guys.”

There it was again, that fond smile, and Remus found himself asking, wanting to know more, “what was it like, going to a boarding school?”

Sirius laughed at that, and walked to lean his back against the side of the pool, his forearms resting over the edge. He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling with a faraway look. “Oh, it was great. Not so much at the beginning though. I lived a pretty sheltered life up to that point, so you can imagine I was a bit of a snobbish dick.”

“A bit?” Remus raised a teasing eyebrow, making Sirius laugh again and focus his gaze on him.

“Trust me, whatever you think of me now, I was ten times worse.”

“I don’t really think you’re like that,” Remus replied, and was surprised to realise he meant it. Sirius’ smile faltered, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Remus beat him to it quickly, “so what made you change?”

There were a few seconds in which Sirius just stared at him with an unreadable expression. “James,” he said plainly in the end.

“James?”

“James,” Sirius agreed. “Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we hadn’t met. He made me see I was behaving like an idiot, and everything I was missing out on.” He turned his head and gave Remus a sad smile before he continued, “I didn’t have any real friends before James.”

There was a deep pain rooted there that Remus couldn’t completely grasp, but he felt that it wasn’t his place to ask. “So you guys were friends from the start?”

“Pretty much,” he said, and then a laugh escaped him. “I tried to shove him aside at first, but he clung to me like a koala. I don’t even know why he wanted to be friends with me then.”

Remus thought about the way Sirius’ face lit up when he was close to James or when he talked about him. It was obvious to anyone that they were close, and how much it meant to Sirius.

“Well, I’m glad you found him.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said softly, “me too.”

“So how did you end up in Gryffindor?”

Sirius chuckled, “that would be James’ fault again. He grew up here, and I used to spend months at his house during the summer hols. It’s where I went when I finally ran from home; his parents took me in.”

He’d spoken casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world, but still Remus felt his heart stutter. “You...you ran away?”

Sirius’ eyes widened a bit, clearly he hadn’t realised how much he’d said. He glanced at Remus a bit wearily, who hastened to add, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it.”

Some of the tightness seemed to leave Sirius’ shoulders as he exhaled sharply. “No, it’s ok. I...fuck. My family and I had different views about...things. They own this big company and run in some upper circles of society that I never had any interest in.”

It was Remus’ turn to have his eyes widen like ping pong balls as the realisation hit him like a bag of wet sand. “Wait...you’re that Black? From Black Enterprises?”

The tension in Sirius’ jaw was so sudden and intense, Remus regretted his words instantly.

“No. I mean, yes. I should be. But I left that behind years ago.”

There was a crease between his brows, and Remus’ hand started stretching towards it to smooth it, but he caught himself in time and pretended to scratch at his cheek instead.

“Ah, sorry, my bad. I thought for a second that you were. But you must be the Sirius Black from Gryffindor, huh? I’ve heard great things about him,” Remus said in a light tone. At first, Sirius frowned at him as if he’d gone crazy and Remus shifted awkwardly. But slowly, it started melting away until he started laughing at Remus’ antics, one hand clutching his stomach.

“God, you’re so weird.” There was that sweet smile again, directed fully at him, and Remus’ heart stuttered for an entirely different reason.

After that, Remus lost track of time as they talked and splashed about. He felt surprisingly light. Laughter was not in short amounts, an easy banter settling between them, and sometimes he’d catch Black staring at him with an indecipherable smile on his face. It felt like they’d been friends for years and not just a few hours, which was something Remus’ brain couldn’t completely wrap around.

Their topics went from the most trivial things to some that bordered in way-too-intimate for how long they’d known each other, but it didn’t feel weird or forced.

Remus mentioned how much he enjoyed a cup of tea in the afternoon. Sirius told him that he’d started smoking at 16, and had quit three times so far but started again when he felt overwhelmed. Remus talked a bit about his mum and how hard she worked to bring money in, and how Remus had to practically beg her to let him help once his business had taken off. Sirius confessed to being afraid of spiders to which Remus couldn’t keep in a laugh.

“Really? Spiders?”

“Oh, shut up, you,” Sirius had said with no real venom as he splashed him with water, making Remus laugh harder. Remus didn’t miss how Sirius' eyes hadn’t left his face when he’d looked back up at him.

They had started drifting closer to each other, and right then Sirius was swimming backwards around Remus as he told a story about a school prank. Remus was turning around slowly on his feet to keep him in sight, entirely too conscious of the way that the movement with each backstroke made Sirius’ back look even bigger. And how the waves Sirius was making kept lapping at Remus’ lower belly.

What the fuck am I thinking?

He shook his head just in time to catch Sirius’ next question.

“Did you always know you wanted to teach yoga?”

“Oh. Well, not really. I always thought I wanted to be a writer,” Remus chuckled. “But then after...Um, a couple years ago I decided to start a healthier lifestyle, and discovered I really liked it.” He gave a small shrug. “I decided to focus on that, and I don’t regret my decision.”

Sirius hummed as he kept swimming with his eyes closed. Feeling a bit weird just staring at him, Remus pushed his legs up and started floating on his back, focusing on the ceiling instead.

“So, what do you do for a living?” he asked.

He heard more than saw Sirius stop and stand up at once.

“I um...I work as a freelancer from home.”

“That’s nice. What kind of jobs do you do?”

“Oh, all sorts of things. Y’know, I never learned to float like that,” he said in a rush, which struck Remus as a bit weird. He let his feet angle down and touch the floor, and he pulled himself upright to eye Sirius curiously. He was fidgeting, but smiled at Remus hopefully, so Remus smiled too.

“Would you like me to teach you?”

Sirius’ face lit up. “Would you?”

“If you want,” Remus shrugged.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically and took a couple steps closer.

“Ok, try to align yourself with the water, and I’ll help by holding you until you can adjust your body on your own. It’s easier to float if you take a deep breath and hold it, so let’s start with that.”

“Ok, I can do that.”

“You need to be perfectly relaxed, ok? Save that puppy energy for something else.”

“D’accord, d’accord,” Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus tried to ignore how nicely the words rolled out of his tongue.

He watched as Sirius breathed in and pulled himself into a horizontal position. He held it for barely one second before he started sinking, so Remus took a deep breath too and moved over to place one hand in the middle of his back, and the other under his head.

Soft.

It was all Remus could think as the dark strands of hair fell between his fingers.

“Tip your head back and lift your chin. There should be no tension on your neck.” Remus’ voice was mellow, automatically slipping into the tone he used for his classes. “Put your arms just like this.” He removed his hand from Sirius’ head and used it to bring the arm closest to him slightly up, Sirius’ fingers brushing against Remus’ thigh, and then placed it back in the inky hair.

“My hips keep going down,” Sirius chuckled, making the water ripple in small waves. His eyes were closed, his chin tilted up just like Remus had told him to, exposing the long lines of his neck. Remus looked away, trying to keep a blush at bay.

“Ok, I’m going to move my hand to support you better, is that ok?”

A breathy “oui” was all he got for an answer.

Remus’ hand trailed down, his fingers brushing against Sirius’ spine until he could place it more firmly against the small of his back. He could’ve sworn he felt Sirius shiver, but that could be because of the water.

Looking down at Sirius’ toes, he told him to try and relax more. His eyes went up his legs as he gave small advices on how he should place his body, passing by the blue swim trunks that clung to his thighs, then kept going up his hip bones, toned stomach and chest, telling him to try and push up. He glanced up at that long, elegant neck, until he finally stopped when he found silver eyes staring intently at him.

In that moment, with those eyes locked with his and feeling overly conscious of the skin he was touching, Remus felt a bolt go through his fingers and removed his hands instantly as if he’d been burned, and Sirius flailed his arms and sank.

He stood up spluttering, water dripping everywhere.

“Remus what the fuck-” he started complaining, but stopped short when he realised just how close they were standing.

Remus felt his breath hitch in his throat as he was engulfed in the grey once more. Wet hair fell over his eyes, and this close, he could make out all the shades, every spot in those irises. He felt like he was staring at a tempest sea, the calmness around them making him feel like he was in the eye of the hurricane, and he was about to be swept up in the storm.

Sirius’ breath fanned against Remus’ face, slipping between his parted lips. His eyes darted down to stare at Sirius’ mouth, those pink lips that looked so incredibly soft that Remus wanted to reach up and touch them with his fingers. The tip of his tongue moved to wet his lips, and when he glanced up again he caught Sirius following the movement. The other man inched his face closer, torturously slow, until Remus tilted his head up slightly.

Everything around them seemed to be suspended in time, waiting, waiting… And then that same memory was flashing through his mind and Remus pulled away.

“Remus?” Sirius asked, confused, and Remus’ heart gave another painful tug.

“I...I...” Remus backed against the wall so much he wished he could just become one with it. Sirius took a step back and watched him with worried eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...Are you ok?”

“I just- I...I gotta go.”

Not waiting for any answer, Remus turned around and lifted himself out of the water, and basically bolted back to the changing rooms.

He didn’t even stop to take a shower, just changed his clothes as fast as he could, grateful that Sirius didn’t come looking for him.

Once inside his flat, he unceremoniously dropped his bag and keys on the floor, and let his head fall back against the door.

What the fuck was that?

It was so not like him to do something like this. He knew better than to get tangled in... in whatever happened at the pool was. Focus on your career, that was the goal. No time to meet anyone just to get into a relationship, get attached, and then be left broken.

But Sirius just...it felt so natural to be around him. Remus was still surprised at how comfortable he felt around the other man, given the way they’d started things off. If the image he’d had of Sirius was so far off the mark, then maybe Sirius was not like-

No.

He was done with relationships and that was that.

“Ugh, fuck,” Remus groaned, then finally glanced around his flat. “Cocoa?” he called, surprised that he hadn’t been tackled in a bear hug yet. “Cocoa, c’mon boy. Let’s go for a walk. Fuck knows I certainly need some fresh air.”

It was dark outside already, but Remus’ heart was still beating wildly, and he didn’t think he could stand to just stay inside. He needed to calm down and get his mind off dark hair, stormy eyes and wet lips.

When he still got no response, Remus frowned. It was very unlike Cocoa not to rush to greet him or come to him when called. Even if he’d been sleeping, he’d always wake up to the sound of Remus coming back home.

Remus stepped into the living room, walking around the couch to where Cocoa usually laid in his dog bed. And there he was, with his head between his paws, looking up at Remus with big, yellow eyes. He whined when Remus got close.

“Hey boy, there you ar-” Remus stopped himself with the immediate knowledge that something was wrong. Cocoa was trying to get up, but his legs were trembling and he fell over. Remus rushed forward and knelt at his side, noting how fast Cocoa’s heart was beating, and the spasms still going through his body. “What’s going on? Cocoa, what’s wrong?”

Remus was frantically trying to figure out what was happening when his eyes landed on a crumpled piece of paper. He snatched it up and his heart stopped. It was the wrapper for one of his favourite dark chocolates, and there were only a couple of bitten pieces left in it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, how did you get this? When did you-? Oh my God, when did you eat it?” Remus wracked his brain, trying to remember if the wrapper was there when he’d stop by his flat a few hours earlier, but he had no idea. He remembered thinking Cocoa seemed a bit more energetic than usual, but he hadn’t thought too much of it.

Shaking out of the whirlpool that were his thoughts, Remus carefully picked Cocoa up and rushed to the door.

“Please hang on, boy. Please, please, please hang on.”

[nervousladytraveler]

The Alibi: Chapter 2

A continuation of the the wee fic inspired by the kiss prompt: A + B are in an argument, then they stop, just stare at each other, and then crash their lips together, because, like i said... fuck this shit Ross and Demelza (Requested by the lovely @veryflowerobservation)

______

Ross woke just a little after 9AM. He’d pulled the thick curtains the night before--it had been dark then so the gesture had been solely for privacy. The morning light was largely blocked, save one stubborn sliver that succeeded in illuminating a patch of carpet in front of the bed.

He looked over at the sleeping woman beside him. Demelza faced the wall and had failed at fully covering her body with the hotel bed sheets, and as a result her glorious back and the very top of her bum remained exposed. She might have been turned away from him but that didn’t mean she had given up on him. He knew he could sidle over and press himself close to her, and that she’d receive him warmly, eagerly. She’d made her feelings quite clear.

It had been a complicated night--and yet so easy. To finally be with her after so many years of constant companionship. Yes, they’d had years of steady loyalty to one another but he could see now that their friendship the last few months had been fraught with unresolved tension, overpowering attraction, and something deeper still. It hadn’t been one sided, only he’d somehow been blind to it all until the truth hit him like a cricket bat to the head as she yelled at him in the dark car park. Then he’d kissed her and it was as if he’d always known.

And as they lay together, in between feverish bouts of love making, they tried to make sense of what had just happened. They didn’t talk about the near-miss with the cops or Trencrom’s betrayal, just the sudden, seismic shift that occurred between them. And what it meant.

He was glad that she’d been able to say what he too felt, since he’d never be articulate enough to find the words or have the presence of mind to speak them.

She knows what I’m thinking before I even speak. No wonder she saved my neck last night, he thought to himself with a soft laugh. Yet somehow he knew not to take that for granted. She was her own person and he’d have to work harder to demonstrate his respect for her. No, respect sounded such a cold and clinical word and hardly sufficient. He revered her, he admired her, he was captivated by her, he desired her…

His thoughts never reached their logical conclusion of what all those separate emotions added up to because she exhaled a long sigh and he could resist touching her no more. He ran the backs of his fingers down her spine, then along the gentle curve of her hip, and up to her breast.

She turned to him with a smile, her eyes struggling to open.

“You tryin’ to wake me, Ross?” she asked. Her voice was sleepy, raspy in an innocently sexy sort of way.

He pulled her closer at once and kissed her eyelids, in a tender attempt to keep them closed. He felt a strange sensation in his stomach, not just butterflies but a whole swarm of wings fluttering up, perhaps to carry off his heart. His hands gripped her upper arms--the same arms that seemed destined to deck him yesterday seemed warm and reassuring now.

“No, stay asleep. It was an exhausting night--you earned a lie-in.” He kissed her lips now. Her eyes remained closed but her mouth opened wide to receive him.

How could he have ever considered himself alive before he knew that kiss?

He realised he’d sighed like a love-drunk school boy but he had no shame.

“Yes, it was exhaustin’,” she laughed, “but are you referrin’ to the events before or after we went to bed?” She put her hand to his rough cheek.

He laughed too, as though he’d caught the urge from her, like a yawn or a sneeze.

Ross had no business being so happy. His world was crumbling around him--he’d most likely lose his business and the police’s interest in him had not yet been resolved. And yet...

Yet those things mattered little. Was that really what his world consisted of? Because being with Demelza, loving her and being loved, that seemed a most significant triumph.

“Demelza, I meant everything I said last night.” He’d grown serious again.

“I seem to recall it was me doin’ all the talkin’ and you said a lot of ‘me too’...” she laughed.

“Okay, I meant everything you said,” he teased back.

“You sure about that Ross? Because I also called you stubborn and stupid…”

“And ‘an absolute arsehole’ don’t forget…” he added and rolled on his back with a chuckle.

“Oh Ross,” she said. “I didn’t mean those things…”

“Yes, you did--because I am. Maybe not ‘absolute’ but I can admit I’m ‘somewhat’ of an arsehole…”

She kissed his chest before resting her head lower on his belly. “Then you are my favourite somewhat arsehole, Ross,” she said.

“And you are the most meaningful person in my life…” he said, reaching out to touch her soft hair.

“Thank you for sayin’ that,” she said softly.

“Those were your words, Demelza. So thank you,” he said and pulled her up again so she was level with his head on the pillow. He stroked her cheek and looked into her eyes. They blazed with an intensity he’d come to know well over the last few hours together.

He wanted nothing more than to spend the day with her bare body wrapped around him, with inspired caresses, endless kisses. Even the ancients knew that nothing succeeded at keeping troubles at bay--or at least out of mind--like the pleasures of physical love.

But just then the telephone rang--a rapid string of jarring bleeps loud enough to be heard in the next room. The only person who knew they were there was Jinny Martin.

Good god, was her night shift not over yet? Shit hours for a single mum with two small children. Hoping he hadn’t made trouble for her, Ross switched on the lamp and picked up at once.

“Sorry, Ross. The police are here and want to ask some questions. I told them to wait and I’d call you down but they’re on their way up.”

“Thanks for the warning,” he said and rang off.

“What is it?” Demelza sat up in alarm and watched Ross furiously pull on his trousers “Ross?”

“It’s the police, they’re here. Apparently they want to ask me some questions...” He tried to sound calm.

“But how did they know where you were? What can this mean?” she cried and reached for her knickers.

“I don’t know. It seems so unlikely they’d find me...but stay in bed, Demelza,” he said and switched the lamp off again. “Pretend you’re asleep and don’t get up unless I call to you.” His voice was firm but gentle. He wanted to reassure her, to convince her he had a plan--though he most certainly did not.

He hadn’t fully buttoned his shirt when the knock came. It hadn’t sounded aggressive or urgent--was that a good sign? Or was Ross just reading too much into this?

“Just a minute,” he called gruffly, trying his best to sound as though he’d only just been roused. He put his fingers to lips and at his signal Demelza rolled over on her side facing the wall again. This time she had the covers pulled snugly up to her chin.

Ross ran his hands through his hair so it stood even more on end, then exhaled before he opened the door. He blinked his eyes at the glare of the hall light. It hadn’t been an act but added a convincing touch.

“Sorry to bother you, sir. I’m PC Pendarves, and this is PC Bunt, ” the taller constable said then he looked at his notepad, “Mr. Ross Poldark, is it?” He still had youthful spots on his face that were barely concealed by the sparse beard he was trying to grow.

Ross was confused by the question--surely they knew his name--wasn’t that why they were there? The constable didn’t seem sharp enough to be putting him on. But Ross’s bewilderment worked in his own favour--he didn’t look like a man who, for the past seven hours, had been expecting the police to call.

“Yes, what can I do for you?” Ross asked then glanced over his shoulder at the supposedly sleeping form just visible in the dark room. He pulled the door behind him so it was only open a few inches, and stepped into the hallway. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t want to wake my...friend.” His hesitation at what to call her publicly was genuine but again fit tidily into his ruse. If Demelza and Ross were to have had a secret rendezvous, he’d hardly have announced it readily to the first person who knocked.

“Right, Mr. Poldark. Erm...the clerk said the other guest in the room is Demelza Crane?” This time it was PC Bunt, the squat bespectacled constable who spoke, trying not so subtly to get a peek at the woman in the bed.

“Carne,” Ross corrected. “Demelza Carne.” Instinctively he shifted his position to fully block any further view. “Do you need me to wake her…?”

“No, no sir. I don’t think so.” The first constable said and cleared his throat, seemingly embarrassed for his partner. Perhaps he wasn’t so young after all. “Yes, well, we’re making inquiries about a missing person.”

“A missing person?” Ross asked and hoped the relief wasn’t visible on his face.

“A Miss Rosina Hoblyn. Her father reported her missing day before last.”

“Oh?” Ross wondered why they were talking to him about this. “I’m not sure how I can help you…”

“We’re talking to all the guests with rooms facing the road,” Pendarves said as if reading Ross’s thoughts. “You see, a neighbour ‘cross the way, saw a young woman who fit Miss Hoblyn’s description last night right out in the street. A bit of a disturbance it was--she seemed to be having a row with someone. Then left in the same someone’s car.”

“On Church Road?” Ross twisted his brow as he took this in, an expression of questioning concern, which disguised his renewed panic at the presence of traffic cameras. No, he and Demelza had entered the hotel from the rear and were never even on Church Road.

“Yes, this happened right in front of the yoga studio,” Bunt offered, unable to hide his smirk that such an establishment had recently taken the place of a perfectly useful off-license.

“I’m afraid we heard nothing. We’ve…erm...” Ross paused. His sheepish expression was both genuine and well-played. “We’ve been in all night.”

“So you heard nothing? All night?” Bunt said. “This would have been around 11:30 PM?”

“Yes...I’m not sure what time we checked in. You can check at the front desk or I can wake Miss Carne…she might remember.” Ross took a chance here. It was better to be honest that they hadn’t even arrived until quite late.

“No bother, Mr. Poldark, if you didn’t see or hear anything of note outside the room,” Bunt said and laughed to himself, apparently amused by it all. He seemed to buy that Ross had other things on his mind the night before--perhaps he’d even been imagining the scene in his head.

“And the neighbours?” Ross took another chance here. “Did they observe…?” It would be good to know who was up last night and what they knew.

“Nah, they didn’t hear anything either. Okay, thanks for your time, Mr. Poldark. Here’s our cards if you or Miss Carne think of anything later…” PC Pendarves said and fumbled in his pocket before PC Bunt beat him to the punch and triumphantly handed over his own slightly crumpled business card.

“Of course,” Ross said and nodded politely. He waited until they began their retreat down the hallway before he slipped back into the room.

Even at the sound of the door closing, Demelza remained motionless, as though she was holding her breath. Without switching on the light, Ross snuggled next to her and buried his face in her hair.

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “They’re gone.”

She turned to him, and in the dim room he could see her eyes were wide--and wet.

“Demelza,” he said and wrapped her in his strong arms. “Don’t be scared. I’m still here.”

“I know, Ross,” she said bravely. “Tell me everythin’, I only heard bits. Is it true? The police are askin’ after Rosina Hoblyn?”

“You heard most of it then. Seems she’s missing--or so her dad says. I’m surprised he even noticed, the drunken lout that he is,” Ross said.

“Ross, did you tell them that you know Mr. Hoblyn? And you know her?”

“They didn't ask, and to be fair, I don’t really know Rosina—I know of her. I don’t think I’ve ever exchanged a word with her.”

“But Ross, you know she’s datin’ Charlie Kempthorne, don’t you? Or at least she was until recently. I think I just heard she broke it off with him.”

“I’d forgotten that. And it’s a connection I’m not happy to make. Ugh! I wonder what she was doing here in Truro?”

“And whose car she got into…” Demelza added.

“You heard the police say that as well?”

“Yes...Oh Ross, you don’t think Rosina could be in trouble, do you?”

“Well, if she is, at least the police are looking for her.”

“And not for you?”

“So it would seem…for now anyway.”

“Ross, I’m knackered as hell but my heart is racin’...I think we should go home.”

“I hate to say it, but I agree.” He kissed her lips, lingering for as long as he could, and dreading to pull away. “If you’re still tired later, we can take a nap together back at Nampara,” he suggested.

“No, Ross,” she said quickly. ��Remember we can’t be seen together.”

“What? That’s ridiculous,” he laughed. “The police now know we’re together and the whole point of you being my alibi is that people know about it…”

“Only some people--the right people at the right time. And we have to make it look like we want to keep it a secret. Otherwise why would we be out in the cover of night and sneakin’ off to a hotel in another town when we could just shag at your place or mine? Think about it, I mean, we both live alone…”

“I don’t. I have a housekeeper, remember,” he reminded her.

“Hmm...we have to decide if we tell Prudie, don’t we? No, maybe just leave some hints and clues. Better let her think she’s put two and two together on her own. She’ll probably start squawkin’ and she’ll want everyone to know she figured out our secret…”

“I don’t like this, Demelza. You know you’re not just my alibi, don’t you?”

“Yes, and I know you don't really think I’m ridiculous,” she said with a smile, reminding him of one of the insults he’d hurled at her the previous night that he’d repeated just now.

“But it is ridiculous that we’re together now…” he began.

“What?” she laughed and pretended to hit him.

“Let me finish.” He caught her hand in his and kissed her fingers.“We’re finally together, after months of idiocy…”

“Years,” she corrected him.

“Okay, years...and it’s ridiculous that we have to pretend to not be.”

“Not all the time,” she added.

“But to see you, to do this again,” he said, running their joined hands down her naked body, ”has to be secret? Or planned enough to seem secret? In any event I can't be with you freely, when I want, when we want. I think that’s going to destroy me.”

“No, Ross. Don’t you understand? It’s worth it to keep you safe--so we can be together. And it won’t be for long. As soon as this Trencrom business blows over, we can let the cat out of the bag.”

“Just so we’re clear, as much as I love the cat, I hate the bag. I hate it very much,” he said and laid his head on her chest.

“I know, Ross. Believe me, I want the whole world to know I’m yours.” She put her free hand to his head to play with his curls. A small gesture but one that moved him more than he expected.

“Me too,” he sighed, then not unpossessively put his hand on her hip. “And hopefully it will be over soon.”

“And no more Trencrom?”

“No more. We might be homeless and unemployed but…”

“Ross?”

“Never again. I promise you.”

----

DS Vage threw down his bacon sandwich with disgust when he saw PCs Pendarves and Bunt return from their door to door inquiries. He already knew what they’d say: No one saw anything, sir.

Oh, they'd swear they’d been thorough, but if they truly had, would they be back so soon? The door knocking, the questioning of witnesses--some of whom didn't even know yet that they were witnesses--that was real police work. And these idiots...what did they think the job was going to entail? High speed police chases? Suspects coming in willingly?

He glanced up at the photo of Rosina Hoblyn he’d pinned to the wall. She wasn’t a resident of his town but he’d be damned if she’d become a victim on his turf.

“Okay...what did you find?” he asked with a sigh.

“That yoga bird, she’s something, isn’t she?” Bunt laughed then turned serious when he saw his boss’s expression. “No sir, I mean Miss Rebecca Ellery said the same thing to us in person that she’d reported over the phone.” He looked in his notebook to get the exact words. “A young woman, blonde curly hair--dye job but with good low lights, approximately 5’4…”

“Oh come on,” Vage said with a groan. “That’s a bit specific, isn’t it? Did you question her on that? Did she tell you what shade of hair dye was? Icy Platinum or Natural Ash Blonde #004? Could she tell you what salon she’d been to?” he asked sarcastically. “And really...five four exactly?”

Everyone these days thought they knew it all. It came from watching too many police procedurals on the telly.

“No sir, I mean yes, sir,” Pendarves quickly interrupted. “Miss Ellery explained that she’d been a hairdresser before she opened the yoga business and it was her...erm ‘stock and trade’, she said. And she says she’s five four herself and this other woman was standing next to the lamp post under that rude graffiti so she could get a sense of her height. She also said she’d complained about the graffiti but no one has responded to her…”

“Alright...go on,” Vage said reluctantly.

“Yes, so the young woman was shouting at a man...Miss Ellery thought he was a man but she wasn’t sure how she knew it--she said that herself…”

“So this other person ?”

“Miss Ellery didn’t get a good look so she couldn't even say hair colour but they-him or her-- remained in the driver’s seat of a lime green Vauxhall Astra GTC.” Bunt was apparently very proud of himself for keeping an open mind about the driver.

“She was specific about the make and model of the car?” Vage raised a brow.

“Yes, she was, sir,” Bunt nodded. “And the lime green colour--she said it looked ‘super douchey’.”

Maybe Ellery was a reliable witness after all, Vage thought to himself.

“Okay, then the girl shouted something to the driver that sounded like ‘You’re a dickhead and you deserve what’s coming for you…’ But he--sorry, the person--didn’t say anything back, least not loud enough that Miss Ellery could hear from her window above the studio. But this person must have said something because Rosina...erm I mean the blonde girl, stopped shouting and got into the car...”

“Just got in? Signs of any coercion?”

“No physical force according to Miss Ellery. Do you think she knew the driver?” Pendarves asked.

“It’s possible…” Vage said.

“Then the Astra drove away north on Church Road,” Pendarves added.

“We’re checking the CCTV,” Bunt said quickly.

Bloody idiot. Of course the CCTV would be checked--DS Vage had already put in a request himself.

“And the neighbours?” he asked. He wanted to hear about the rest of their morning’s work.

“Only three residential flats on the east side of the road,” Pendarves explained. “One just above Miss Ellery--and they’re in Spain for the month. Another, number 74--Mr. and Mrs. Nathaniel Stephens heard some noise around 11:30 but it had stopped by the time they went to the front window--their bedroom is in the rear, you see. They saw nothing, closed the window, and went back to bed. Number 78, was Mister Bart Maddock, who openly admitted he’d been high--he said that--to the police!--and he was painting so he was ‘oblivious’ to what was happening on the street.”

“Painting? Like walls?”

“Naw, he’s an artist,” Pendarves explained. “That place is sorta a loft, big flat for just the one person but mostly taken up by what he called a ‘studio’. Two studios on one street--never knew so many arty types had moved in.”

“Rents will rise as a result,” Vage grumbled. “Okay and the hotel, the Star and Garter?”

“Three guest rooms faced Church Road. Ground floor is the pub, closed at 11 of course…”

“Of course…”

“Proprietor and night desk clerk heard nothing but their offices are in the rear. The rooms are all on the next floor up. Older woman at the end of the hall took her hearing aids out so she heard nothing and the couple next to her put their baby down to sleep just after 8, then fell right asleep themselves after that.”

“Poor sods. That’s family life, isn’t it?” Vague sighed.

“The couple nearest the stairs though…” PC Bunt let out a chuckle.

“Well? Yes?”

“They were busy shagging all night…”

“Aw c’mon, Bunt…” Pendarves groaned.

“What?” Bunt objected to being called out. “The man said as much as said himself! According to him, they were in all night and were ‘otherwise occupied’ so they heard nothing.”

“Nothing? Great…” Vage sighed.

“Lucky bastard, that one. I got a glimpse of the friend waiting in his bed,” Bunt chuckled then he saw his boss was not amused by tales of him leering at sleeping women.

Dance of Life, Vage was thinking. All the stages of love and life on one hallway. First there’s early love and passion, then settling down and starting a family, finally you’re old and alone. And behind which door is my life lived these days?

He really didn’t consider himself old, though he knew his colleagues did, especially the newly minted constables like these two. At least he was still fit and had all his hair--and his hearing. Could he still be considered a family man though? His own children were grown and far from home. He missed them but not the sleepless nights of teething and ear infections, or even the teenage years when they proclaimed how much they hated him right before they asked him for the car keys and 20 quid.

And door #1? He could barely remember the days of needing that sort of urgent and exhausting sex, but he’d certainly been there in his younger days, with his Tina. What a looker, she’d been. Blonde, curvy, with those great legs. His Tina who was no longer his--she’d left him right after their youngest went off to the army. He should have known she was slipping away from him when she’d switched her hair colour from Natural Ash Blonde #004 to Icy Platinum.

“Okay, and you got names and contact information of all these witnesses--or ‘not-witnesses’ as the case may be?”

“Yes, we got names,” Pendarves said quickly. He had not in fact gotten contact information but assumed he could request it from the hotel at a later time if really necessary.

“Deaf bird was…” Bunt began reading from his notepad again.

PC Pendarves coughed and shot him a look.

“Hearing impaired guest,” Bunt started over, “was Elizabeth Triggs from St. Just, the family with the baby were the Tregeagles--Benjamin and Sarah, didn’t catch the baby’s name…”

“Also Ben...Benny they said,” Pendarves added. “From Falmouth.”

“Right,” Bunt said, “and our ‘sex’ couple was Demelza Carne--we didn't talk to her, she was asleep--and Ross Poldark.”

“Wait a minute,” Vage said, a bell ringing somewhere in the back of his mind.

“Sorry sir. Thought it was respectful to let her sleep. Should we have talked to her?” Pendarves asked.

“No, that’s quite alright. But did you say the man was called...Ross Poldark?”

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Dylan Keogh

- Why I like them: DYLAN MY BELOVED. He is literally one of the very best autistic characters I have ever seen, I love him so much.

I love how he subverts the "autism makes you an asshole" stereotype, because he often acts cold and uncaring and rude, but it's actually the result of the trauma he faced growing up rather than anything to do with his autism itself. I love the implications that he's involved in the autistic community somehow (using terms like "neurodiverse" back when they weren't known outside of the autistic community, once sarcastically asking a social worker patient who had patronised him "have you tried meditation or yoga?" - that phrase and variations thereupon is something of a meme in disability circles). I love how we get to see him befriend other disabled characters like Jade and Lofty. I love how he's an autistic character who's allowed to fuck up, to be complex and human, instead of a pure innocent angel. He's just so good.

- Why I don't: He can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, and has a bit too much of a tendency to act based on his feelings without thinking out the situation first. (Outing Lev is the most egregious example of this, I think. He was so angry at Lev for cheating that he decided to let that override the fact that he was violating Lev's privacy by telling Faith that Lev had been sleeping with another man.)

Also him looking at houses for Faith and the kids to move into with him after she'd told him she wasn't going to date him because she was staying with Lev was creepy, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't been mentally well for a while now and the whole house thing was part of a very slow build-up to him having a breakdown, so I'll give him a pass there.

- Favourite episode: I'm very fond of S26E10 'Sanctuary' for obvious reasons. His interactions with the autistic patient Angela are just beautifully written and I love how kind and compassionate he is to her, and that he doesn't look down on her for being less 'functional' than him.

He's also brilliant in S26E30 'When The Gloves Come Off' (the cave ep with Sam). And S29E43 'The Long Haul' (Brian's first appearance) does a very good job of showing just how traumatised Dylan is. The ambulance crash ep (S35E04) was great for Dylan content too.

- Favourite season: Series 29, probably, for the OCD storyline. And was it series 32 that the Sanosi storyline happened? Because that was great too.

- Favourite line: This exchange he has with the mother who's not paying attention to her autistic daughter's sensory overload in S26E10 is perfect:

Autism Mum: She's never complained before!

Dylan: Well, maybe she did and you weren't listening.

- Favourite outfit: I honestly don't pay attention to his outfits enough to have one, lol. I remember he's worn some outfits I really liked, but I couldn't recall the exact ones.

- OTP: Don't have one at the moment. I liked him with Sam, though. And with Ciara, but that relationship was terribly unhealthy for them both sadly.

- BroTP: Do I even need to say that him and Jade are my BroTP? The only Casualty fic I've written was centred on them for a reason. I also love his friendships with Lofty and with David, and his friendship with Zoe was perfect - I miss seeing them interact so much.

Headcanon: Hm. I'm trying to think of Dylan headcanons I have... I do like @banoffeemacdonald's headcanon that Dylan is a fan of the Sherlock Holmes books though!

And this isn't really a headcanon about Dylan himself, but I do HC that his mum was probably autistic too and that's where he gets it from (some of the comments Brian's made certainly seem to imply it).

(I also have some thoughts on his background but they get pretty depressing and they're more like theories/speculations than headcanons, so I'll leave them out for now. One thing I will say is that the more I've thought about it, the more I think he has CPTSD.)

Unpopular opinion: Dylan isn't "uninterested in romantic relationships", it was perfectly in-character for him to fall for Ciara and then for Faith. Literally one of his first ever storylines was about how he was still in love with Sam! He left the show because he couldn't bear seeing her move on with Tom!

Also some of the stuff people in the fandom hate on Dylan for is understandable (like him outing Lev, that was an asshole thing to do), but when people hate on him for stuff like not expressing his emotions in the 'usual' way then that's just ableism lol.

A wish: Can he please just have a happy, healthy relationship for once in his life?

Also I'd like to see the show give us a flashback episode for him, to explore his backstory a bit more.

An oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: Him actually dating Faith. Just... no, Casualty, no. He deserves SO much better than her. We saw how awfully she treated her last partner, I don't want Dylan to have to suffer like that (and she absolutely would find something to treat him badly for - they slept together once and within a day she was already shouting at him for not telling her he was an alcoholic, imagine how much worse she'd be if they actually dated).

5 words to best describe them: Clever. Caring. Lonely. Reluctant (to let other people in, even though he really does crave human connection). Sarcastic. I did it, I thought of 5 words!

My nickname for them: Don't have one.

[willow-salix]

FabFiveFeb Alan!

Finally got this bugger edited, so here it is, my offering for Alan week of @gumnut-logic​ FabFiveFeb. Once again I’ve written what my daughter plotted with a few of my own tweaks thrown in.

“Is there really nothing else to do around here?” Alan whispered to Selene, jolting her awake from the sleepy doze she was enjoying stretched out on a sun lounger. “How can you just lay around here all day?”

“Like you don’t do the same every day at home?” she grumbled, stretching out in an effort to wake up. She'd never admit it, but she was getting a bit bored with having nothing to do, hence the impromptu nap time. 

“That’s different, I’ve got things there to do.”

“You mean you have technology?” Selene grinned evilly. “Whereas here it’s-”

“Like I’ve gone back in time to 2015 and the graphics suck, " he groaned. 

“Come on, it’s not that bad, don’t you like the peace and quiet?” Selene’s family home was indeed very quiet, set apart from the other houses on the street, it backed out into a small but flower filled garden that held nothing but the sun loungers they were currently occupying, the picnic table their drinks were on, a slightly rusted BBQ, some yoga mats and a bird bath in the shape of a frog on a lily pad.

Alan looked towards Selene's cool, but rather weird, younger brother who was currently doing some kind of yoga crossed with Tai Chi that seemed to have a little of that 1970’s disco type of dancing thrown in for good measure.

“Adam, help me,” he begged, trying to invoke the bro code. 

“Chill out, little dude, it’s all good," Adam said, his sleepy tone the perfect accompaniment to his snail like movements. 

“Nothing about this is good,” Alan huffed, feeling dismissed and beyond frustrated. He was seriously regretting offering to go with her for a visit under the mistaken belief that time spent away from his brothers with his cool sister-in-law would be awesome. But no, he’d been stuck there for three days and they’d done nothing but talk about boring things that he couldn’t really join in with because he didn’t share the same memories that they did and watch TV in the evenings. The only positive thing was the quality of the food on offer.

“How did you grow up like this and not die of boredom?”

“We made our own fun, we’d read, draw, do arts and crafts, go on days out and-”

“Days out? Where did you go?” Alan jumped on that information like John on a double cheeseburger after a month in space.

Selene thought about it for a moment or two. “The seaside?” she offered. "That was always our favourite place to go and somewhere we always looked forward to, a rare treat really."

“The beach? Yes! Can we go?” he gave her his best pleading puppy eyes and she was, as he well knew, powerless to resist.

“Well…” she dithered, caught between spending time in her family home with her mum as it came up to what would have been her parents 30th wedding anniversary and the need to do more than sit around and mope, especially if that moping meant that her littlest love had a crap time.  “Ad’s, are you up for a road trip to Southend?”

Her brother paused in his Night Fevering to look at her. He seemed to think about it for far longer than was necessary before nodding. 

“I could go for that. Wanna take my car?”

                  ***

“I’m never getting in a car with your brother again,” Alan shuddered, still looking a little stressed out by the whole experience.

“Yet you’ll get in a jet with Scott?”

“Scott goes faster than 25 mph and he knows what road signs are,” Alan explained in the same tone that John adopted whenever he was explaining to her why she actually needed an investment portfolio. 

“Road signs are all part of the conspiracy, man, they just want you to follow blindly and never question where they are sending you.”

“To the beach, they were sending us to the beach,” Alan continued to bitch. Selene couldn’t blame him, two hours in a car with her brother's sitar music, cloud of vape smoke and tendency to lose track of their destination was enough to make anyone a little antsy. Maybe now he'd stop complaining when she took too long to fly them to her flat. 

They left the car park and headed towards the seafront. Thankfully, with it being a weekday and term time, there weren't too many people about. As always the sea was a dirty grey colour, nothing like the clear blue they were used to on the island and Selene could tell that Alan was looking at it with thinly veiled disgust.

Southend had been promoted to a historic seaside town back in 2038 and hadn’t changed since. The lights of the out of date arcades still flashed in welcome, drawing Alan’s attention almost immediately, the little beach huts still offered deck chair rental and the amusement park with its clanking, clunking kiddy rides and its ancient roller-coaster still drew some crowds. 

“See that there?” she pointed out towards the sea. “That’s still the longest pleasure pier in the world.”

“Pleasure Pier? Did you have to make that sound so dirty?” Alan groaned.

“Sorry, but that’s what it’s called, there are different classifications and one that has no purpose but for leisure activities like this one, is known as a pleasure pier.”

“I didn't know that, but it still doesn’t make it any better,” he muttered as she slipped one arm through his and the other through Adam’s to tow them across the road.

The air was filled with a mixture of freshly fried donuts, fish and chips and the unmistakable scent of the sea and Selene was immediately hungry.

“It’s been such a long time since I’ve been here,” she sighed happily, relaxing into the atmosphere of what had once been one of her favourite places in the world. She could vividly remember how exciting it had been to hear the announcement that they were going to the seaside for the day. That meant an afternoon spent playing on the beach, splashing in the sea, eating dinner out of a paper tray with a little wooden fork and, if you were really lucky, a trip around the sealife center and a floaty helium filled balloon to take home with you.

Looking out down the length of the beach she easily conjured up images of childhood days gone by, seeing her father chasing Adam down the beach as he attempted to make a break for freedom or tried to eat a clump of seaweed while her mother screeched at Rufus to run faster and catch him.

Maybe coming here had been a good idea in other ways too, she pondered. Her mother tended to favour being miserable if it was an option, and often when it wasn't, and had been mooching around the house sighing like she was a Victorian ghost haunting the place. She’d gone out to visit friends for the day, leaving them alone and that had been when Alan had seized his chance. And Selene for one was glad he had, he was always good at sensing when she was in need of cheering up and this time had been no exception.

“Can we start at the arcades?” Alan asked, looking more excited than he had in days. Who was she to disappoint him?

“Sure, lead the way!”

        ***

Two hours later and Selene had finally dragged her brothers away from the bleepy, shiny, flashy machines and back into the fresh air. Alan, it transpired, was almost as good on a claw machine as John and she was now lugging along a whole new family of stuffed toys, all slightly moth eaten and smelling a little suspect but cute nonetheless.

“I’m hungry,” Alan announced.

“Good call, little dude.” Adam, surprising Alan no end, had joined in rather enthusiastically at the arcade, being more active and alert than he’d ever seen him before, displaying a competitive streak that rivaled a Tracy's. But, now that the excitement of gaming had died down, he was back to his chilled and slightly lethargic self.

“Fancy some donuts?” Selene suggested.

“Sis…” Adam drawled. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Selene giggled, shoving the stuffed toys into her brother’s arms as she headed to the donut stalls. “I'll get them, you two meet me on the beach.”

Her arms now free of their burden Selene quickly ordered three dozen of the delectable little morsels, something the English called Dinky Donuts, small little ring donuts, freshly fried and drenched in a sprinkling of sugar. Knowing that they’d need them she bought some drinks too and took her bounty back to the boys, proudly displaying her prize.

“I got them!” she yodeled, but no excited sounds were heard in return. “What’s up?” she asked, nudging Alan as she reached his side.

“What the heck is this?”

“The beach, duh. What else could it be?"

He scuffed a toe into the stones at his feet. “This is not a beach, this is all stones. Where's the sand?”

“It’s a pebble beach, most of the British coast is,” she shrugged.

“It’s wrong.”

“If you say so,” she wasn’t in the mood to argue or defend the virtue of their beaches, she had hot donuts to eat. 

“This is not a beach, there’s no surfers, no sand, no lifeguards, no nothing.”

“This is England, we take things at a more chilled pace,” she soothed, dumping a bag on each of the boys' laps.

She took her own and opened it, inhaling the rich scent. Oooh yeah, that hit the spot. She reached in to pluck one out, studying it from all angles, marveling at it's perfection. She lifted it to her mouth prepared for the taste explosion that was about to assault her mouth in the very best of ways…

“Sel!” A sharp Alan elbow embedded itself in her side, making her drop the donut. She watched in horror as it hit the pebbles and rolled away.

“You had better have a good reason for making me sacrifice a donut,” she warned him.

“Over there!” 

Selene turned, following the direction in which Alan was pointing. 

“What? I don’t see anything?” All she saw was the relatively empty beach, nothing but a few seagulls pecking around hopefully, one coming close enough to snag her lost donut, racing off in triumph with it in its mouth. 

“Them,” he pointed again.

“Them? What about them?” The them in question turned out to be a small group of school age boys, the oldest no more than ten years old. They were all holding a number of balloons from the pier, which were bobbing along above their heads and looked perfectly innocent. “They’re just having a day out, could be an inset day or something at school.”

“No, look what that one's holding,” Alan insisted, nodding towards the oldest looking boy who was carrying a small box with holes in it.

Selene squinted closer. “Is that an animal box?” She was amazed that Alan had even noticed such a thing, she hadn’t looked twice at the boys, just seeing a happy group of friends at the seaside on a rare day off school. Alan always seemed like he was paying little attention to anything, more absorbed in his games or phone, but here was the undeniable proof that he was just as good as his brothers and had inherited their danger seeking sense.

“Looks that way,” Alan agreed. 

“It could be innocent,” Selene argued lamely. “Maybe they are just taking their pet on a day out too?"

“Sure, that’s what it’ll be,” Alan said, rolling his eyes. 

“Honestly, it’s something I’d do,” she retorted, feeling the need to defend herself and her wish to believe that there was good in everyone.

“We’ll keep an eye on them,” Alan decided, finally reaching into his own bag for a donut.

As was usually the case, Selene was easily distracted by talking to her brother and just enjoying the novelty of being in a different place to one she was used to. She’d finally grown accustomed to hearing the sound of the ocean at all times of the day and night after so long in a city where traffic was the only ambient noise. b

But here the sound was different to the island, here the waves lapped gently over the pebbles rather than crashing against rocks and she was surprised that she could tell the difference. 

She’d worried, when Alan had suggested going out, that this little beach from her childhood which stood out so bright and shiny in her memories, would look pale and dull in reality. Life was often that way, your memories and imagination creating a perfect picture that was rarely obtainable in the real world and she didn't want her memories tainted by the truth. Thankfully she had been worried over nothing and was finding it just as charming as she had remembered it to be.

“Not bad are they?” she asked, turning to Alan to see how he was enjoying his donut feast but the space next to her was empty.

“Allie?” she called, looking around like he might suddenly pop out of nowhere. Surely she hadn't ignored him for too long? 

“Alan!” she yelled, trying again. He was a big boy now, an adult in his own right, but she got just as panicked when she lost Scott, which was actually easier if you could believe that. Alan was usually happy to hang near her and chill, Scott was always dashing off to look at something or other and would just vanish into the ether without a second thought. 

“Ad’s, have you seen Alan?”

“Yeah, little dude, cool shirt, strange hair.”

“Thanks for that lovely description. I meant did you see where he went?”

Adam nodded, pointing further down the beach to where the small group of school boys stood, Alan beside them, waving his arms violently, clearly yelling at them though she couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“Shit!” Selene was up in a second, grabbing Adam's arm and towing him along in the process, forcing him to abandon his stuffed animal squad to the mercy of the seagulls as they barreled down the beach after Alan. 

"Al," she panted, finally catching up, "what…doing?" 

In answer the small box that the boy had been carrying was thrust into her hands, a disgruntled rustling noise along with a manic scrabbling, coming from inside. 

"Oi! Give that back!" a boy yelled, his piggy nose turned up to the sky in indignation. "We 'ad ta catch that thing ourselves. Ain't no way you're gonna snatch it."

"You're not getting it back," Alan insisted, his arms folded as he firmly stood his ground. 

Selene passed the box on to Adam who was standing there doing absolutely nothing to help, his attention on the balloons floating above them. Once her hands were free she immediately flanked her little brother, knowing that he wouldn't be doing this without a very good reason. 

"What's going on?" she demanded to know, her hands on her hips. "What are you boys up to?" 

"This idiot won't give us it back," the oldest boy and apparently the mouthpiece of the little hoodlum brigade, continued to yell. Selene had seen boys like him before, usually ones with overly aggressive parents that taught their kids that you got what you wanted in life by being obnoxious, rude and threatening. Well not on her watch and apparently not on Alan's either. 

"You're right , I won't," Alan agreed. "Because that is a living creature that you were about to tie to a bunch of balloons."

"Weren't doin' nothin' of the sort. Yer lyin'." 

"You were what?" Selene hissed, her attention fully engaged now that there was the potential for injury of an animal. "You were going to send an innocent animal into the sky on the end of some balloons?" 

"Nah, we weren't," the little bully boy continued to argue, elbowing one of his friends when they opened their mouth to speak. 

"We ain't doing nothin' wrong, were we lads? Nothin' at all. Just a little experiment for school, jus' like teacher said."

"Experiment? What kind of experiment?" Selene asked, narrowing her eyes in warning. 

"Why should we tell you?" the mouthy one sneered. "You ain't nothin'."

"We were just seeing if he could reach space, like. Teacher said that people would send monkeys up in rockets a hundred years ago," another boy piped up, sounding pleased with himself. "Figured we'd try the same out ta sea like a note in a bottle."

"You are so not doing that!" Selene yelped. 

"Yeah, 'ow you gonna stop us?" 

"You wanna say that to the police?" Alan threatened. 

"Police? Yeah righ', like yer gonna jus' call up the police like they actually care. An' then wot, 'ave em come running on the say so of a nobody? Fer this? I don't think so, mate. They don't give a crap."

"Listen up you little shit," Selene started, rapidly losing patience. "You're not getting that…Whatever that is-" 

"Rat," one of the kids helpfully offered. 

"Rat," Selene continued with a little shudder of horror at the fact that they had gone to all the trouble of capturing a dirty rat off the street just to do something cruel to it. "You're not getting it back and you're not going to hurt it. What's wrong with you all?" 

"He's been to space," Adam suddenly piped up, like he was only just catching up to the conversation but still missing the main point, pointing at Alan helpfully. 

"Space, yeah right," another of the boys, a weedy looking string bean that had previously been hiding near the back of the pack, looking at Alan judgingly. None of the boys looked particularly bothered by their threats or the fact that Selene was practically spitting, she was so angry. 

"Al," she demanded, determined to win the little shits respect. "Show them that clip you took last Saturday, the one on your board."

"We can all board, you ain't nothing special," the mouthpiece sneered, not impressed in the slightest. 

Alan pulled out his phone, fiddled with it for a second then showed them the screen where a video was playing, taken from his vlogging drone as he boogied around outside Five on his astroboard. The dark heavens were clearly visible all around him while the earth spun quietly below, and there, if you looked closely, was John, in the background, sitting on the outside of the gravity ring, clearly doing all the work while Alan filmed for Brandon’s channel. The Alan on screen zoomed in a loop the loop, the drone following, the camera angle changing to show Three securely docked to Five.

“That actually is space!” one kid gasped.

“And that’s...that’s…” another stuttered.

“Thunderbird THREE!” someone screamed in excitement.

“Still think I’m a nobody that the police won’t listen to?” Alan asked casually as he pocketed his phone. "Maybe I should skip the police and go straight to the GDF? What do you think, Sel?" 

"Yep, sounds like a plan to me. They take animal cruelty very seriously, you know."

The ring leader visibly deflated before their eyes, but he valiantly tried to hold on to his ‘couldn’t give a shit’ attitude.

“So you know some people, what’s that got ta do with anythin’? You ain’t the boss here.”

“Knock it off, Wendle, it’s over,” one boy ordered, rolling his eyes.

"Wendle?" Alan mouthed to Selene who shrugged in return. Never had a kid looked less like a Wendle in the entire world. 

“Yeah, I never wanted to do this in the first place,” another joined in. 

The first one to have spoken walked away, followed by another, then the other that had spoken. Others trailing after them until the small group had dispersed as if it had never existed, all of them hurrying off down the beach with calls for getting donuts or having to head home.

Wendle managed to stand his ground for less than a minute before he gave in.

“Keep the stupid rat then!” he yelled, taking off after his friends.

Adam, being Adam, waved goodbye like it was the most normal thing in the world, still holding the rat filled box.

Alan let out the breath he’d been holding, visibly shaking, either from anger or adrenaline. He had never been one for confrontation no matter what form it took or who it involved.

“You did good, babe,” Selene praised, giving him a hug.

“Yeah, good, little dude,” Adam agreed, “here, have this, I insist,” he handed him the box with the rat in it like it was some great prize.

“Erm, thanks,” Alan said, gingerly accepting the box of rat, which rustled as the creature inside shifted around. He held the box for a second, looking completely bemused and a little disgusted, suddenly having a very real feeling of compassion for John when he walked in on Selene and Scott doing something weird. 

“What are we going to do with the rat?” he finally asked Selene, who was the only one there since Adam had wandered off to rescue the stuffed animals they had abandoned, snatching up Alan’s dropped bag of donuts and picking one out to munch on.

“I don’t know,” Selene admitted, “I guess we should take it somewhere to release it. Not around here though, maybe back at Mum’s.”

“I guess,” Alan reluctantly agreed, not liking the idea of sitting in a car with a wild rat in a box. 

Since they had gained another tag along, even if it was in a box, they decided to cut the day short, knowing they couldn't drag the rat around with them all day. It had clearly suffered enough, what with being caught and stuffed in a box and having survived a narrow brush with death. It would be better for them to take it straight home and let it go in the relative safety of the garden before it got even more stressed out. 

"I'll drive," Selene insisted, leaving Alan to hold the rat in the back seats, Adam calling shotgun so he could 'pick the tunes, man'. 

With Selene in the driving seat it was a far shorter, not to mention less frustrating, journey back to Casa de Tempest. 

To Selene's intense relief their mother was still out when they got back. She would have pitched a fit if she'd seen them releasing a rat into her garden, she'd never go out there again. 

Adam wandered off the second they got home, muttering something about a tofu log, leaving them alone to release the beast. 

"You can do the honours," Selene smiled, nodding at the box he still held. "Since you were the one to perform the daring rescue. Seriously, you did good today, sweetheart, but I'm really starting to think that I need to stop taking a Tracy with me whenever I go places, you're all the same, nothing but trouble."

Alan blushed at the praise, as always finding it slightly uncomfortable to be the center of attention in such a way, but still happy to get the validation that he'd done the right thing. With so many big brothers who had all been there and done that before he had a lot to live up to and often felt like he couldn't quite match up to them. 

Taking the box over to the bushes near the fence where Selene had indicated, he opened the flaps and stepped back to give the little guy some room. 

The rat didn't move at first, staying inside the box, obviously scared by its experiences. They stayed quiet, giving it time to make up its mind. Finally they saw the box wobble as the rat made its tentative way out. 

"Shit!" Selene yelped, launching herself off her seat so fast Alan barely saw her move. 

"Sel, what are you…doing," he finished, stunned to see her hit the ground, the rat cradled protectively against her chest. 

"Help me up," she wheezed and he did as she bid, helping her to her feet as her hands were occupied. 

"What's wrong? Why did you catch it?" 

"Allie, look," she carefully opened her hands, just a little. A small, pink nose poked out, followed by a pure white snout, a grey face and perfect pink petal ears. 

"Is that…?"

"A domestic rat, yes. This was either someone's pet or it's come from a store. We can't let him go, he'll never survive in the wild."

"Wow, he's so cute. Can I hold him? He won't bite me will he?" 

"I don't know, he seems tame enough but he's had a fright today so I can't promise anything." She carefully placed the rat in Alan's outstretched hands. 

The rat, far from looking terrified, seemed to be perfectly fine now it was out of the box. It sat down on its haunches and began to wash its face with its little paws, one grey, one white. 

"Aww, he's great," Alan cooed, cupping the rat in one hand so he could stroke it gently with the other. "I've always wanted a pet."

Selene sighed, knowing exactly what was coming next, there was no escaping it, it was going to happen… 

"Can I keep him?" 

    ***

"We gotta move fast," Selene instructed. "I've got the cage and the bedding. Have you got the food?"

"Yep," Alan held up the bag with the food, treats and water bottle they had purchased on their way home. The rat was curled up in his new travel bag, which was hanging from Alan's shoulder. 

"Right, we make a break for it, we go straight to your room, don't look back no matter what happens and avoid John and Scott at all costs. Got it?" 

"Got it," he nodded, grinning happily. 

"They're gonna kill me," she sighed, not that there was much she could do about it. "OK, let's go!" 

They raced up the back stairs from the hangars, straight to the upper floors of the villa where the bedrooms were situated, bypassing the more populated communal areas and managing to avoid any and all Tracys. 

They dived into Alan's room, Selene struggling a little, burdened as she was with a three storey cage. Alan cleared a space on his desk and took the cage from her. 

While Alan set up the cage, filling it with fresh bedding and tasty foods, Selene made herself at home on Alan's bed, the rat happily perched on her chest, enjoying an ear fondle. 

"I didn't know you were back," a voice called from the hallway, accompanied by the sound of footsteps. 

Selene and Alan both jumped, their heads turning guilty towards the door they had neglected to shut where a suspicious looking spaceman stood. 

"Hey, gorgeous husband of mine, I've missed you!" Selene chirped, trying to divert his attention as she quickly grabbed the rat and stuffed it in the pocket of the hoodie she'd stolen from Adam. 

John gave her a look that said he'd seen everything.

"What's that?" 

"What's what?" she answered, trying to look innocent. 

"That tail sticking out of your pocket."

"Tail? What tail?" she poked the tail gently back inside.

"Why does Alan have a cage on his desk that he's trying, unsuccessfully I might add, to hide by standing in front of it?" 

"To put Gordon in?" 

One sleek ginger eyebrow rose and they both knew they were wasting their time. They were well and truly busted. 

Alan held out his hand and Selene passed over the rat, who was none the worse for its impromptu expedition into the depths of her pocket. It sat quietly in his hands, happily nibbling on a piece of cereal bar that had already been occupying his hiding place. 

"Where did that come from?" John's foot tapped out a rhythm as he waited for them to spill the beans, leaning against the door frame, his arms folded. 

"Have I told you how hot you look when you're all grumpy and intense like this?" Selene tried. 

"Where did you get the rat?" he repeated ignoring her blatant attempts at distraction. 

"The beach," Alan admitted, caving immediately under the big bro gaze. 

"The beach?" 

"Yep," Alan looked at Selene for backup, cradling the rat who didn't seem to care about any of the drama he was causing. 

"Some boys had him in a box and they were going to tie it to some balloons and let it go but Alan spotted them and stopped them," she explained. 

John glanced at the rat, who was looking very adorable and fat. 

Ever the master of managing her husband, Selene got to her feet and crossed the room to wrap her arms around John's middle. 

"Alan was great, he sprung into action before I even knew what was going on. He rescued him, and really, isn't that what International Rescue does? Rescue people?" 

"That's not a person, that's a rat," John argued, but she could tell he was weakening. 

"Did I mention that I missed you?" she grinned, standing on tiptoes to place a little kiss on his chin. 

John's sigh of surrender was epic. 

"I'm banning you from ever leaving the house again with any of my brothers. What next, a dolphin with Gordon? 

"No, don't be silly. We couldn't bring a dolphin home in my car."

John rolled his eyes ignoring his wife to face his brother. 

"Does that thing have a name?" 

"Yep," Alan answered, grinning proudly as he moved closer, holding the rat out for inspection. 

"John, meet Fuzz Aldrin."

[maraudersbutmuggle]

It's good to see you again. Part 4.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3.

Content Warning: Transphobia, Depression.

September, 2017.

"Dear Remus,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you lately. Things are crazy at Uni, I have a lot of projects to do, even James complains I don't spend enough time with Harry and him. I feel guilty about that. But nevermind...

Harry's first birthday was lovely. I sent you a lot of messages to invite you over. But I guess you didn't receive them. Effie and I prepared the biggest cake to ever exist. I don't know why since babies usually don't eat cake. But we invited The Weasleys, our neighbors, and they all finished the cake between themselves. That's what James says anyways.

I hope you're well. That you're taking care of your mental health. And you follow the yoga and meditations I recommended, trust me they are really good. Tell me how is your dad, and your step mum, and your sister. I was thinking, she is around Harry's age. Maybe we can gather them together so they can play. Harry loves other children. And right now, I'm not in the position to give him a sibling. The youngest Weasley, Ron, keeps him company. They are the same age. And the twins, they remind me of Sirius and James sometimes. With this you can imagine how they are like.

In case you're wondering, because you asked about this is your previous emails, Sirius is fine. We all are. Missing you, love. Sirius dropped out Arts. And he is currently unemployed and he feels lonely, I can tell. He worries me, Remus. And I know you still care for him. Perhaps you can talk to him.... Gosh... I know it is too much to ask, but I am worried, For both. And I have a one year old child.

Anyway. Don't mind me. I miss you a lot. Maybe you can visit some time. I have so much to tell you. And you know how sentimental I am. And... oh here they are... the bloody tears. See? I told you.

Lots of love,

Lily.

*************************************

Remus felt worse and homesick everytime he read one of Lily's emails. He felt guilty for feeling that way. But hearing about everyone and how good they were, triggered him into a terrible mental state.

The words: "They are better without you" kept repeating in Remus' brain over and over.

He wasn't going to talk to Sirius. Sirius hated him. Why would some words Remus told him would change his mind? If he quitted art was because he was a privilaged rich boy who did whatever he fucking pleased. And then, Remus felt guilty for thinking that way. Maybe he was as miserable as he was... But everytime Remus picked up the phone to call him or text him, he had a panic attack. He sweated, his heart raced, he trembled. It was horrible. That was it, Remus was a coward.

So he marked Lily's email as read. As if he lost his email access or he didn't have time to read it. That was better.

"Remus?" Sandra interrupted his thoughts.

Remus had to use Lyall's computer since his phone was too basic. And unfortunately Sandra was there.

"Can you watch Sophie? I have to run to work, they need me for something"

Sandra was holding the baby in her arms. And Remus swallowed.

"Amm..."

"You're a life saver" Sandra placed Sophie in his arms. They were heavy.

"Remu..." Sophie whispered.

"She's fed, and changed. She won't give you any problem" Sandra kissed her child's head "Your father will be here soon"

"Alright no problem"

"You will have fun with Remus, won't you?" Sandra talked to Sophie.

"Piggyback!" Sophie exclaimed. Remus snorted.

"I'll be back soon" Sandra smiled "Thank you Remus"

Remus smiled at her awkwardly. And in a matter of seconds, Remus heard Sandra close the front door.

"Hi..." he told the child on his lap

"Hi..." they giggled.

Remus was never good with children. It was Sirius who was excellent with Harry. And Grant who always had a story of the children at work.

"What do you want to do?"

"Piggyback!!" Sophie ordered.

Remus sighed.

Remus had to piggyback the child for an hour until Lyall arrived. Remus had been constantly thinking how boring he was for his own sister. And he felt guilty and miserable.

"DADDY!!" Sophie ran to hug Lyall as he entered.

And Remus felt his back crack. He was getting old.

"Hello beautiful girl..." Lyall smiled "How is my princess doing?"

"I 'as doing piggyback wif Remu!"

"That's lovely..." Lyall looked up at Remus "Thank you for taking care of her"

"No problem" Remus sighed "I think they need a new diapper... Someone is smelly!" he grunted at Sophie in a funny way. And they giggled "And I need a change of clothes" he smelled himself and wrinkled his nose.

Lyall smiled awkwardly.

"Go upstairs Sophie, Daddy will be there to change you"

Sophie ran upstairs practically bouncing. And Remus gave them a sweet smile.

"I've noticed you use they and them with Sophie" Lyall started, taking out his jacket.

"Yeah..." Remus shrugged. He walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Lyall followed.

"Why is that?"

"Why is what?"

"Why won't you call her she and her like Sandra and I do..."

Remus sighed trying to be patient. Lyall was getting old. And he didn't understand modern things. The other day he struggled for hours trying to turn off the washing machine.

"I reckon it is fair to give Sophie that space"

"What space?"

"What if Sophie realizes they are not a girl? Maybe they feel like a girl, maybe they don't. I don't know..." Remus snorted "I just would've liked to be given that opportunity as a child. I was treated like a girl, you called me princess, and I didn't feel like a girl at all..."

"Okay... But Sophie is not like that"

Remus let the glass on the sink "How do you know? Sophie is only three, they can figure out things"

"No, Remus. Sophie is not like that. She is a girl. She is not like you... she's not..."

Lyall didn't finish. But Remus knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Sick?" Remus asked

"No..." Lyall shook his head "I didn't want to say that"

"That's exactly what you wanted to say" Remus said, now irritated.

"Remus..." Lyall sighed.

"No!" He interrupted "For you I'm a woman in disguise, right? A woman pretending to be a man..."

Lyall didn't answer. He kept shaking his head.

"You're such a hypocrite..." Remus snorted.

"Stop... That's not what a meant at all"

"You pretend everything is fine. That we are all this happy little family, But the truth is that you don't care"

"Of course I care for you!"

Remus didn't believe him. He had tears in his eyes again. For the tenth time today.

"You never cared about me or mum..."

"How dare you! You and Hope were everything for me!"

Remus nodded in disbelief "And now you have the perfect little family that you wanted, don't you?"

Lyall shook his head, he was getting furious. But Remus continued.

"You have the perfect happy wife. Not the depressed one you had before..." Remus began crying, remembering his mother

"No..."

"And you have the perfect cis daughter you always wanted"

"That's not true" Tears were in Lyall's eyes as well.

"You replaced us with them! You never cared" Remus continued, now he was furious "You are the reason my mum is dead! GOD! I WISH IT HAD BEEN YOU!"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH ROSALIND LUPIN" Lyall hit him. A good punch.

And Remus realized that the punch didn't hurt at all, even though he was sure he was bleeding. What hurt is the fact that Lyall used his deadname. He hadn't done that it years. Remus thought he was learning.

Sophie started crying in the stairs. And Lyall covered his mouth realizing what he had done.

"Remus... I'm sorr...."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Remus pulled away.

"What the bloody hell happened?" Sandra's voice was heard from the door "Lyall what?.... Oh Sophie!!" she ran to hug her child.

And Remus decided that was his queue to leave. To leave forever.

Remus heard Sandra and Lyall discussing downstairs. And Remus got flashbacks of Lyall fighting with Hope when he was little. It had been his fault that they had divorced. Probably his fault that Hope had killed herself. And he didn't want to do the same to Sandra. And he didn't want to ruin Sophie's childhood. He was the mess. He had to go.

Remus packed up his things as quickly as possible. And then he sneaked into Sophie's room. The child was asleep by now. Remus kissed their forehead. He promised himself to visit Sophie now and then, bring them gifts.

Remus got down slowly, so nor Lyall or Sandra would hear him.

"I can't believe you said that to him, Lyall. He is your son!"

"I keep fucking it up with Remus..." Lyall cried "He made me so angry"

Remus didn't want to hear more. He opened the front door.

"Remus?" Lyall called from the kitchen, he probably heard the door.

But Remus ran away before they could reach him. As he ran through the street he could still hear Lyall and Sandra screaming his name, calling him. But he didn't look back.

**************************************************

Remus cried all the way to Grant's flat. Grant was everything he needed at the moment. His smile, his positivity, the way he made him laugh, maybe a hug, maybe a kiss. Maybe Grant was all he had right now. And Remus wanted to hold on tight. Grant was the only thing he had left.

Remus had steadied himself as he reached Grant's building. He knocked the door, almost desperately.

The moment Grant opened the door, Remus desperately hugged him.

" 'Ello sweetheart..."

Remus snorted, letting out a few tears fall. And then he noticed, Grant was shirtless. Only wearing underwear.

I could fall for you. Remus thought. You're not bad at all

Remus leaned to kiss him. But Grant pulled away.

"Oh oh... Hold yer horses..." Grant smiled "Are yeh drunk?"

"Yeah..." Remus lied. It was easier that way to avoid the humiliation.

"Well there's three o'us" Grant said "Come in...."

Remus followed Grant inside. And he stopped on his tracks as he saw another half naked man on Grant's sofa. He had to be in his thirties. With a funny mustache. His hair was short, mousy blond. He wasn't muscular or anything. But he had a ship tattoo on his arm. The man was surprised to see Remus as Remus was to see him.

"Sweetheart..." Grant patted his shoulder "This'is Scott..." he pointed to the man "Scott.... this's ma frien' Remus..."

Friend. Friend. Friend. Just friends.

They both stared at each other awkwardly. The man, Scott waved first.

"Hiya mate"

"Hi..." Remus answered.

"I'll make tea fo'all of us" Grant grinned and turned to the kitchen. But Grant was still next to them, and could hear them just perfectly. They didn't speak. Remus took a seat.

"Talk to each other, pleaaasee" Grant chanted as he prepared tea.

"Amm..." Scott started, scratching his neck.

"Are you Grant's friend as well?" Remus didn't like the sound of as well. As if Grant had plenty of friends. And Remus happened to be one of them. Nothing special.

"I just met him last night" Scott said embarrassed.

"Oh..." Remus answered.

They could hear Grant trying not to laugh. He started whistling instead.

"Are you... Are you Grant's...." Scott began.

"I'm his friend, yeah"

"Okay..."

Remus checked to his right. Through the half opened door. The bed was unmade. Of course they had shagged.

"I'm currently homeless, Grant" Remus continued, breaking the silence "Is it okay if I stay?"

Grant, who was serving the tea, turned, with two cups in his hands.

"Oh darlin' I though I 'as gonna meet yer daddy..."

Scott stared at Remus awkwardly as Grant placed the cups in front of them.

"I don't want you to meet him" Remus said.

"Alrigh'" Grant said "Of course yeh can stay..."

"Thank you" Remus wrapped the cup into his hands to warm himself. And took a sip.

"Scott works at the store yeh like...." Grant told him

"Oh..." Remus answered looking at him.

"I haven't seen you around" Scott said.

"Remus doesn' go der at night" Grant snorted "And Scott works only on the night shift"

"Oh..." Remus and Scott said at the same time. Almost in a comical way.

Grant let out a chuckle.

Remus was expecting to cry in Grant's arms. Perhaps kiss him and shag him senseless to forget about everything. He couldn't tell if he had a crush or of he needed him desperately. He couldn't tell the difference.

"I should probably go" Scott stood up, looking for his clothes.

Remus and Grant observed him. The first with hateful eyes. And the latter amused.

Finally, Scott was dressed. And he stood there awkwardly.

"So..." he cleared his throat. Grant grinned "It was nice... I mean... that was nice..." he kept side glancing at Remus. Remus looked down.

"Yeah Scotty...."

"I gave you my number, didn't I?"

"Yeh did" Grant smiled.

"Right..." Scott snorted "I'll call you then"

"Sure..."

Grant gave him a quick hug. And a kiss on the cheek. And Scott walked awkwardly towards the door. When Scott closed the door, Grant bursted into laughter. He laughed like a little kid. Even bouncing.

"That'as delightful...."

"Not really" Remus whispered. He didn't find it funny.

Grant finished laughing and sat down next to Remus. Remus was... Remus was angry. Angry to want Grant's attention all to himself. Angry to be an idiot.

Grant took out a pack of fags and offered one to Remus. Remus took it, angrily.

"Now now, love" Grant said, now more softly "Tell meh wha' happened with yer dad"

[atlafan]

My Everything - Part Eleven

A Take it Slow Sequel

What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.

Warnings: Fluff and Smut! 5K

Masterpost

“Oh my god.” You say and turn to him. “Oh my god!”

“Oh my god!” He squeals and picks you up to spin you around. “We’re gonna have a baby!” He sets you down carefully. “Okay, from this point on, this house is a no stress zone. You’re not lifting a finger, I’ll-“

“Harry, Harry!” You put your hands up. “Please, it’s okay. Don’t spiral.” You giggle. “We need to make an appointment with my OBGYN first, take a proper test. She can tell me how far along I am.”

“I wonder if it was the night in your office.” He smirks. “Pumped yeh good that night.”

“Jesus.” You swat an arm at him and wipe some tears from your eyes. “I’ll call tomorrow to see when they can squeeze me in.” He grabs your face and kisses you over and over again.

“Thank you for waiting until I got home. I couldn’t cancel on that client.” You both walk out to the living room and he sees the papers from the university on the coffee table. “What’s all this, lovie?” You both sit down on the couch.

“Well…Dr. Harrison, who I met with today, told me there’s going to be an open position in the Communication Department for the spring semester. She wants me to consider applying. The position is going to open at the end of the month.”

“So it’s not a guarantee if you get it?”

“Something tells me it would be a formality. I was looking over everything, and I’d be able to take classes for free after my first six months, I could go for my PhD.”

“That would be amazing!”

“But where does a new baby fit into all of this?”

“Well, think of how much easier it would be for you to take time off. You may not even need to work every day of the week.”

“I don’t think you get that privilege as a junior faculty.”

“Still, plus you’d have summers off, right?”

“Yeah, major upside. Plus, the winter break is like six weeks long.”

“Oh my god, think of how much time we could spend in London with my mum. The baby would really be able to spend time with her.”

“I know! I was looking over the benefits and they’re actually better than Mark It’s. I think I’m ready for the change. I could at least apply and see what happens, right?”

“Yeah, I think it’s a great idea.”

“If I have this baby when I think I will, I wouldn’t need to use the maternity leave right away because I’d be off contract for the summer, so I could just teach online next fall or use it then.”

“Look at you finding the loopholes already.” He smirks. “I’m really proud of you, this is huge.”

“It just feels right, I think. I mean, Niall’s about to leave, him and Sarah live in their house now, and they’re engaged. I feel like we’re all forming our own little lives and growing up more and more. Rachel even said she was thinking of proposing to Mariah soon, Isaac and Seth seem to be moving in that direction just the same. I don’t wanna get stuck in the past, you know?”

“No, I get it. I think this could be a really good move for you, for us.” He puts his hand on yours. “Apply, see what happens. Stay in contact with Dr. Harrison too, she could help you with the application or coach you through the interview.”

“I’m gonna talk to the doctor too, all of this could add so much stress…but I appreciate you being so supportive.”

“Always.” He takes your hand and kisses it. “I can’t believe that test said pregnant on it. I’m so happy.”

“Me too, babe.”

//

The next day at work you were in the middle of a meeting when you had to get up to leave. You rushed down the hall to the bathroom and threw up. Niall rushed after you to make sure you were okay.

“I won’t come in unless yeh need me to.” He says from outside the door.

“I’m fine!” You get up and rinse your mouth out. You open the door and see the concerned look on his face.

“Are you sick?” He gives your back a little rub.

“Not in the way you think…we’re keeping things quiet for now, just in case, but…I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon…we think I could be pregnant.” You whisper.

“Oh my god!” He gasps and then he quiets himself. “That’s amazing.” He whispers.

“I took the test yesterday, but the doctor will really be able to confirm it. I’ve been nauseous all morning, I guess this is just the beginning.”

“Well, whatever time off yeh need don’t be afraid to ask for it. I got your back.”

“Thanks.”

Around 3PM you leave to meet Harry at your doctor’s office. He dropped Buster off at home beforehand. Your name gets called and Harry gets up to go in with you. The nurse gives him a funny look.

“He, uh, I want him in there with me…” You tell the nurse, and she nods.

Harry had never been to the OBGYN with you before, why would he have needed to? He found it interesting that they made you pee the second you got there. He supposed it was the best way to tell if you’re pregnant or not.

“Alright, Y/N, what’s going on today?” The nurse asks.

“Well…I think I’m pregnant. I took a home test yesterday and it said so. And I’ve thrown up a few times in the last couple of days.”

“Any fever or anything like that?”

“Nope, just nauseous, really nauseous.”

“Alright.” The nurse makes a few notes and looks over your chart. “And this is your…?”

“Husband, Harry is my husband.” You smile at him. “We just got married in April.”

“Oh, congratulations!” She smiles. “Here, put this on, you know the drill. Dr. Johnson will be in with you shortly.”

The nurse steps out and leaves you to change into the hospital gown.

“Why would you need to put that on? Isn’t she just going to look at your stomach?”

“No, she’s going to examine me as well, make sure everything’s alright. It’s pretty standard.”

“Even for this kind of visit.”

“Yes.”

“Why are you putting it on backwards?”

“It’s easier for them when it’s open in the front. Harry…” You sigh. “I’ve been coming here for over ten years, I know what do.” You cling to the front of the gown and hop back up on the bed. There’s a knock on the door.

“Hi Y/N, oh!” She looks at Harry. “We have a visitor today.”

“Dr. Johnson, this is my husband, Harry.” The two shake hands.

“Very nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot of good things over the years.” She looks at you. “Heard we’re feeling a bit nauseous today?”

“The last couple days, actually. As you know we’ve been trying to get pregnant basically since the end of April. I took a test yesterday and it came back positive.”

“I looked over your urine sample.” She beams. Harry stands up to hold your hand. “You’re pregnant, Y/N.”

You and Harry get teary eyed as you look at each other and smile.

“Congratulations.” She puts some gloves on. “You’re only about six weeks along. Now, Harry, I need to take a peek at your wife, and I’m sure you love looking, but-“

“I’ll sit down.” He says.

You lay back as she quickly examines you, making sure everything was fine. She examines your breasts next.

“You’re going to want to take these out if you plan to breastfeed. If you don’t then it doesn’t matter. Your belly piercing for sure you’ll want to remove though, and soon.” She covers your breasts back up. “No lumps or bumps, looking good.” She smiles and gets the ultrasound ready. You wave Harry back over to hold your hand. “This’ll feel cold at first, I’m sorry.” You jolt slightly from the cold jelly on the end of the ultrasound. She moves it around a bit. “Since you are six weeks, we may be able to hear the heartbeat today. There! See that tiny dot on the screen?” She points to it. “That’s your baby.”

“Harry, look.” You sniffle.

“I know.” He also sniffles. You both start to hear something. “Is that it? That’s the heartbeat?”

“Yes.” She smiles at the two of you. “I’ll send you home with the little clip, and we’ll print up some sonograms for you.”

She takes the ultrasound off and wipes your belly clean. She makes some notes on her laptop before sitting down to look at the two of you.

“Now, I know it took us some time for this to happen, so there are some precautions you’ll want to take. Y/N, you’re an active person. I want you to stick to walks and low weight exercises. Maybe even try some yoga to keep yourself relaxed. Is your job very stressful?”

“It can be…my biggest stress right now is that I might be changing jobs. I’ve been asked to apply for a teaching position at my old college.”

“That’s wonderful! Do you think all of that will be too much for you?”

“I’m not entirely sure. Something tells me I’ll get the job if I apply. It’s mostly the unknowns, like switching insurances and a new commute, stuff like that.” Dr. Johnson nods and looks at Harry. “And what do you do for work again? You’re a photographer?”

“Yeah, I own my own studio. We do really well.”

“Good, so you can be home for her when she needs it? Help out with things?”

“I already offered and she told me to calm down.” He chuckles.

“Y/N, I want you to let Harry help you. I know you like things a certain way, but let him pick up the slack alright? I wanna get you through this first trimester. I’m gonna give you a list of vitamins and nutrients you’ll need, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I want you to know though, if for any reason something happens, and…well…you miscarry, it’s not because you did anything wrong, okay? I’m sending positive vibes, but just be aware that those things happen.”

You shudder at the thought, but know she’s right.

“Maybe we should wait to tell our families and friends then…just until I’m farther along.” You say to Harry.

“Good idea. Although, didn’t you throw up at working this morning?”

“Okay, so Niall has an idea, but other than that let’s keep it quiet.”

“Okay.” He smiles and looks at the doctor. “Anything else?”

“Come see me again in three weeks. You can make an appointment on the way out. If anything feels weird though, come see me sooner.”

“Thanks, Dr. Johnson.” You smile as she exits the room.

You hop off the bed and get dressed. The woman at checkout hands you the sonogram prints and the copy of the video of the baby’s heart beating. She gives you an appointment card and out the door you go.

“So, should we head to the market and get you some pickles and sourcrout?” He jokes. He wipes a few tears from his glossy eyes.

“No.” You laugh. “I don’t have any cravings yet, but we should go to the store and get some of the vitamins on this list. I don’t have any of this stuff at home.”

“Alright.” He puts his hand on your thigh as he drives off. “I’m trying not to be too excited because I know things could…not go the way we plan, but-“

“I think it’s okay to be excited. We shouldn’t worry about something that could easily not happen. We just need to be careful.”

“Shit, I should’ve asked her if it was okay to have sex or not right now.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, Harry.”

“Six weeks ago, what was six weeks ago?” He furrows his brows. “That was definitely the night in your office, it had to have been.”

“What does it matter?” You laugh.

“I’d just like to know so when I’m old and grey and have to give some type of speech I can embarrass the kid and say they were conceived on mummy’s office floor.”

“Harry.” You pinch your nose. “If you ever-“

“Relax, I’m only kidding.”

“I don’t think you are.”

“Half kidding.” He grins.

//

After that, Harry started taking your picture every week. He’d have you stand in front of a blank wall with your shirt up in the same clothes so you could look back and see the progress.

“When you get to be farther along we should do a maternity shoot. I can set something nice up down here for you so you won’t have to climb the stairs.”

“That would be really nice.”

Before you’re able to roll your shirt down he comes over to you and kneels. He kisses on your lower stomach and hugs you before standing up.

“Was it sad taking all your piercings out?”

“A little…I can always have them put back in if I want later. I’m kind of glad I took the nipple ones, my boobs have been so tender.” You go into the kitchen to fill up your water bottle.

“My poor baby, I wish I could like absorb all your discomfort.” He pouts.

“I know, and I appreciate that.”

“What size is it this week?”

“Let’s consult the app. At twelve weeks, it’s the size of a passion fruit.” You smirk as you show him the picture.

“Oh wow! That’s kind of big.”

“Still just a fetus though, it’s not really a baby yet.”

“Can you believe the end of this week will be the end of your first trimester?”

“I’m so happy, I’m sick of throwing up all the time. I was talking with Eleanor and she said her second trimester was much better. I’m sorry I haven’t really been in the mood lately.” You wrap your arms around his waist.

“It’s okay, I understand.” He kisses your forehead. “Have you heard back from the school yet?”

“They said they’d be contacting me soon for a second interview.” You smile. “I’m really excited.”

“They know you’re pregnant?”

“Just Dr. Harrison. She said it’s not something I need to disclose yet.”

“I can’t believe Niall’s leaving Mark It soon too.”

“I know.” You frown. “I’m really going to miss him, but it’s what’s for the best. The startup that approached him is such a good opportunity for him, and he’ll be the director of their marketing department. It’s what he deserves. His last day is in two weeks.”

“That’s so wild, I remember when he started working there. He’s got like two years on you?”

“Mhm.”

“Harry, this really pretty girl started workin’ with me. She’s really funny too!” He says in Niall’s accent.

“Would you stop?” You laugh and nudge your husband. “It was platonic love at first sight.” You giggle.

Harry makes you both some dinner and you decide to eat on the sofa. You get a call from Seth.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I asked Isaac to marry me, and he said yes!”

“What?!” You spit out the food in your mouth. “That’s amazing! How did you do it?!” You put the phone on speaker. “Hold on, I have you on speaker, Harry’s here too.”

“Okay, so I took him out for a walk to our favorite park near our place. You know the one.”

“I do.”

“And I just got down on one knee and asked him. He cried, I cried. It was really nice.”

“I’m so happy for the both of you!”

“Me too, mate, that’s amazing!” Harry exclaims.

“Harry?!” You both laugh when you hear Isaac’s voice.

“Congratulations!” You both say at the same time.

“Can I have the phone back, sorry, he’s very excited.” Seth laughs. “Rightfully so, I’m a great catch after all.”

“Remind me to vomit later.” You roll your eyes.

“Anyways, we’ve been talking about it for a while. We both wanna just do the courthouse thing, we don’t want a big ceremony, but we’ll definitely have a party to celebrate.”

“Wouldn’t be you if you didn’t have a party.”

“Exactly. We’re making the rounds calling everyone. We’ll keep you up to date on everything.”

“Sounds good! Congrats again!” You hang up the phone.

“Okay, Rachel and Mariah are next for sure.” Harry says.

“I’m so happy for them. Oh my goodness! Sarah and Niall set a date too, did he tell you?”

“What?! No! When?”

“Next fall! October 20th I think. He just told me today.”

“If he didn’t already know about the baby, I’d say let’s keep the news from him the longest.” He rolls his eyes.

“Speaking of that…why not invite our friends over soon for a little lunch so we can tell them the good news. I know we’re going to my mum’s this Sunday to tell her and my siblings. And then we’ll FaceTime your mum and Gemma. We need to call Nannie too.”

“I think havin’ the crew over is a great idea.” He kisses your temple and leans back into the couch.

//

Your mother cried when you told her you were pregnant. Your siblings were all really happy for you. It turns out Erica had also been keeping her pregnancy to herself and was 15-weeks along. It was a really nice day with family. You stopped off at your dad’s house as well, and he was thrilled to hear the news. When you got home you FaceTimed with Anne and Gemma. Anne was trying not to sob as she was absolutely overjoyed.

Your Nannie cried on the phone as well. She couldn’t believe two of her granddaughters were having babies at the same time. You were able to celebrate so many things with your friends when they came over. Niall’s last day at Mark It and his first day at his new job, Isaac and Seth’s recent engagement, and Rachel and Mariah officially passing in adoption forms with an agency.

“Okay, so I know you’re all here and it feels like we’re here for a ton of different reasons…” You start. “Harry, is the FaceTime set up?”

“Mhm, Lou and El are here.”

“Hi guys!” Louis exclaims from the phone.

“Great, well…” You turn to the side and rub your lower stomach.

Rachel and Sarah gasp and squeal and rush to you to hug you.

“Oh my goodness! How far along are you? You literally can’t tell.” Sarah says.

“Thirteen weeks, I’m officially in my second trimester.”

“That’s amazing!” Rachel wipes a few tears away. “I can’t believe it.” She hugs you again. “You’re gonna be such a great mom.”

“I can’t wait to be an auntie.” Sarah says. “For the both of you of course. Still keeping my fingers crossed for the two of you with this agency.”

“Thanks.” Mariah says. She gives Harry a hug and kiss. “Congrats, I’m so happy for the both of you.”

“Seriously, it’s amazing.” Seth says. He gives you a hug next. “This kid is gonna be so loved.”

“Do you think Buster will get jealous?” Isaac jokes.

“If he’s anything like his father, which we all know he is, then yes.” Niall says.

“Oi! I’m not that clingy.”

Everyone laughs including Louis and Eleanor from the phone. You were happy everyone was finally in the know. Your doctor’s appointments were going really well. Everything was good.

//

“Harry.” You whisper in the middle of the night. “Baby.” You nudge him and he groans. “Honey, please, I need you.” His eyes flutter open. He got slightly excited because he thought maybe your hormones were making you a little needy.

“What’s up?”

“Could you go to the corner store, the 24-hour one? I really need a slim-Jim.”

“Y/N, you don’t eat meat.”

“I know, but I really need a slim-Jim. I can’t get it out of my head. Please? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can’t sleep.” You pout.

“Alright.” He yawns and sits up. “Anything else you need?”

“No, just a slim-Jim.” You smile. “You’re amazing, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Harry slips out to head to the corner store. You sit up in anticipation. This was one of the first real cravings you had. You weren’t sure what it was, you just needed the disgusting, processed meat. He returns with it shortly and you devour it.

“Oh my god, thank you. That really hit the spot.”

“Probably shouldn’t eat those all the time. Maybe that vegan bacon we have could suffice.” He says as he climbs back into bed. “Sure that’s all yeh needed?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason.”

He was desperate for you. He loved the way your body was making slight changes. But he didn’t want you to feel pressured because he was the reason your body was changing.

The next day you had your second interview at the university. The faculty were really impressed with you. They told you a final decision would be made soon and you’d hear from them either way. You were extremely excited. Work had gotten boring without Niall. You two would text each other throughout the day, and you’d even FaceTime a couple times a week during lunch breaks.

As the days got shorter and colder, you found yourself feeling needy for cuddles. You either had Buster with you every second, or you had Harry’s arms around you. You still hadn’t quite gotten your sex drive back. You wanted to offer to blow him, but even that you, for the first time since you’ve known him, just couldn’t bring yourself to do. You felt terrible.

“I have to work late tonight, honey.” He says on the phone. “I’ve got an evening shoot for a family.”

“Okay…”

“I’ll grab myself something for dinner.”

“When do you think you’ll be home?”

“Maybe around nine? I’m not sure. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you need to do what you need to do.”

You found yourself turning in earlier to bed as you noticed yourself getting more tired easily. You tried reading to tire your eyes out, but you felt something in the pit of your stomach that just wouldn’t go away. You look over and see the bare spot next to you and sigh. You wanted Harry. Oh shit, you really wanted Harry.

“Fuck.” You groan and get up.

You go into the closet and pull down your special box. You sigh when you grab your little bullet vibrator. You couldn’t even remember the last time you used it. You wiggle your pajama pants off and get back on the bed. You touch yourself with your hand first before turning the device on.

Harry was just coming in from his session, getting home a tad earlier than he expected. He even picked up a new jar of pickles to put in the fridge for you. As he walked down the hall to the bedroom he heard soft whimpers.

“What the…” He says to himself as he opens the door. His eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees you.

“Harry!” You throw the vibrator somewhere else on the bed out of embarrassment.

“Sorry!” He nearly walks out of the room and then shakes his head at himself. “Wait a second, why am I leaving?” He asks himself more so than you. You reach for the bullet and turn it off. “So…has this been what you’ve been doing?” He sits on the edge of the bed. “Instead of with me?”

“What?! No! This is the first time I’ve even wanted to…and you weren’t home, and well…” Your cheeks were beat red. “I’m sorry, ugh, I’m so embarrassed.” You hide your face in your hands, but he pulls them away.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, it’s okay. What made you want to use it?”

“I don’t know, I was missing you, and then I realized how much I was really missing you, and I just wanted you. And the damn thing wasn’t even doing it for me anyways.” You pout.

“Well, I’m here now.” He perks up. “You still in the mood?”

“Very much so. I’m sorry things have been so stagnant between us these last couple of months. I’ve just felt gross and nauseous and all of the above. I’ve wanted to do things for you, but-“

“It’s alright, I really understand. When El was pregnant with Eliza May, Louis sort of told me this might happen. I was prepared for it. I know it really doesn’t have much to do with me.”

“It really doesn’t, but I think I’m over that hump now. I love you so much, I hope you know that.”

“I do, and I love you too. You’re sacrificing a lot to grow this little one.” He gives your lower belly a little pat. He stands up and undresses down to his boxers, and gets your shirt off so you’re completely naked.

“I feel bad, you just got home. Did you eat and all that?”

“I did. Don’t worry, there’s really nothing else I’d rather be doing than lovin’ on my wife.”

He gets back on the bed and kisses you. It’s a slow kiss, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth, licking into your mouth. Doing all the things he knows you like. Even though you didn’t love all of the changes your body was making, Harry still, somehow, made you feel beautiful and sexy. He kisses down your chest, and plants nice wet kisses down your belly. His head gets between your legs and he gets to work.

You feel him groan against you as he licks into for the first time in ages.

“Got this wet thinkin’ of me?” He smirks and you push his head back down.

“Get over yourself, will you?” You laugh. “And yes, I did.” His tongue explores your folds before sucking on your clit. “Oh fuck, oh my god.” Your hands grip at his hair, and your legs start to shake. It didn’t take him long since you were already wound up. “Shit.” You breathe as he gets himself settled against the headboard.

“Come here, baby girl.”

You straddle his lap, and line yourself up with his hard dick, his boxers now long gone. You slowly sink down on him and moan out loudly when he bottoms out.

“Feel okay?” He grunts, desperately hoping he doesn’t come too soon.

“Feels amazing.” Your slot your mouth over his as you move up and down on him. You couldn’t get enough of him right now. All your senses were heightened.

“Y/N.” He moans as he thrusts up into you.

“Harry.” You moan back.

His hands grip your ass to help you move faster on him. You cling to his shoulders to give him full control of the pace. You both had the bed shaking as you took him so well.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” You throw your head back as you release again, his come spurting up inside you at the same time. “Holy shit.” You press your forehead to his shoulder as he catches his breath. “I’m so sorry.” You kiss him. “How awful of me to make you wait like that.” You kiss him again. “Never again.” You kiss him a third time.

“Babe, babe! It’s okay.” He chuckles. “I’ve missed yeh like crazy, but don’t feel bad, alright?”

“You’re so amazing, I’m…I just love you.” You start tearing up. Another side effect of being pregnant. You cried all the time. He holds you close and rubs your back.

“I love you too.” He coos. “Come on, I bought you a fresh jar of pickles.”

“You did?!” You slide off of him and get your feet on the floor.

“Mhm.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

//

Things with you and Harry had gotten really got and heavy during your second trimester. You had even gotten to a point of sexting him at work. You just couldn’t help it. You had never wanted him so badly before. And he was always right there, ready to give it to you. You both would often only wear underwear around your apartment to have easier access.

Just as you were getting home one night, you got the call you had been waiting for.

“Dr. Harrison, great hear from you!” You get upstairs and into your living room.

“Hi, Y/N! How have you been feeling?”

“Much better, thanks. The nausea has definitely stopped.”

“Glad to hear it. The search committee has made a decision.” You take a deep breath, knowing this phone call could go one of two ways. “And we’d like to offer you the position.”

“Oh my god! Are you serious?! That’s amazing!”

“I’m glad to hear you’re excited.” She chuckles.

“I’ll just need to chat things over with my husband. I know he’ll be just as excited.”

“Great! Do you think we could schedule a meeting for Friday? There are a lot of things we’ll need to go over, especially with HR since you may not end up teaching in the fall. Luckily, you’ll have the entire winter break to prep up for the courses we’ll need you for this spring.”

“Yeah! Uh, what time Friday? I could probably leave work around three, and get to campus for like 3:30 if that works for you.”

“I’m open!”

“Wonderful, thank you so much. I’m very excited.”

You hang up the phone and squeal. Just as you’re celebrating with yourself, Harry walks in with Buster. He rushes over to you excitedly. You run over to Harry and give him a big hug and kiss.

“Guess who just got offered the job of being a junior faculty member?!”

“Shut up, are you serious?!”

“I am! I have a meeting with Dr. Harrison Friday to go over a ton of things. And I’ll have the entire winter break to prep up for the classes I’ll be teaching. I’ll be able to negotiate my salary too, they know what I’m expecting, and I won’t take anything less. We have a baby on the way after all.” You rub your hands over your lower belly where the cutest bump was finally starting to form.

“I’m so fucking happy for you. This is amazing! We should celebrate.”

“We can this weekend. Let me get everything finalized first. But…I know another way we can celebrate right now.” You wrap your arms around his neck.

“I really like this whole thing of you not gettin’ your period for nine months. It’s nice to just do it whenever.” He kisses you.

“I was looking up some safe positions we can try too.”

“Oh really?”

“Mhm.” You wink at him and you both shuffle down to the bedroom.

You were amazed at Harry’s stamina. He was never too tired to fuck you when you asked. Sometimes you wouldn’t even need to ask, he could just tell you wanted it sometimes, like he could smell it on you. He truthfully couldn’t get enough of you, and he was happy that you seemed to be back in the groove of feeling the same way.

He loved going to work with fresh scratch marks or love bites. He’d love when you’d send him a risky text in the middle of the day. The second trimester was treating him very well.

[missymurphy1985]

Miracles (sequel to Reminiscing)

You'd been trying for a baby with Cillian for over a year now without success - he isn't getting any younger... What's next for the two of you?

Taglist:

@being-worthy @peakyscillian @queenshelby @noctvrnalmoth @margoo0 @janelongxox

"Baby it'll happen when it happens..." Cillian soothed your tears as he held you on the bedroom floor. Your period had just arrived, which meant only one thing. No baby. You'd been trying now for nearly 15 months and nothing but negative pregnancy tests and more sanitary products. You'd tried changing your diets.. you'd both cut out alcohol and caffeine.. but nothing.

"What if it doesn't, Cill? What if it never happens?" You dried your tears on the sleeve of your t shirt and sank into his arms.

"Let's book in with that fertility doctor yeah? Get some tests run, find out what's stopping us having a baby?" He lifted you back to kiss you. You nodded, reluctantly. You were dreading this.. what if you were the problem? Clearly Cillian was fine, he had the two boys.. if you weren't able to give him a baby you'd never forgive yourself.. would he even stay with you? The baby had been his idea... The thought alone made you feel sick.

"How about a weekend away? Just you and me, we'll head to Kerry and just relax for a few days?" You smiled. He always knew how to make you feel better. Nodding your head, he pulled you up from the floor and held you close. "Let's just get away from it all - no more talk of babies, just us, agreed?"

"Okay.. agreed."

The following day you woke feeling sore and achy. Your lower back feeling like you'd been kicked by a horse. Grimacing slightly, you lifted yourself out of bed to the kitchen where Cillian was making coffee.

"Hey, you okay?" He saw you limping slightly.

"Yeah, must've slept funny, my back is so sore!"

"Why don't you go lie down, I'll bring your coffee through?"

"I need to get ready, I'm meeting Lisa for a coffee this afternoon."

"I'm sure she'll understand if you're not feeling great y/n?"

"It's just a bit of back pain, I'll be fine once I've stretched it out. Don't worry," you smiled, kissing his lips and taking the decaf coffee from him. You pulled away suddenly as a sharp pain suddenly washed over your lower abdomen.

"And now we have period pain too... Wonderful..." You felt your eyes watering at the harsh reminder that you weren't pregnant and Cillian pulled you into his arms again.

"I'll call Lisa, go get back in bed." You rolled your eyes in annoyance. "I'm not asking, y/n." Feeling irritated, you made your way back upstairs and got under the covers. Cillian joining you shortly after with a hot water bottle, glass of water and some paracetamol. You took the tablets and Cillian placed the water bottle on your lower belly, before climbing in behind you and holding you close. He could feel your body tense every now and again.

"Hey, you okay?" He rubbed a hand up and down your arm to soothe you.

"My back keeps spasming babe, must've really done a number on it.." he pulled back from you slightly and ran a hand over your lower back trying to soothe it. He could feel the spasms as they came off and on every few minutes, the worry growing in his stomach. You were normally so fit, working out in your basement gym downstairs three times a week, yoga every Saturday.. pulling a muscle sleeping didn't sound likely to him.

You felt yourself drifting off to sleep as Cillian's hands massaged your lower back. The heat from the hot water bottle easing the cramps in your tummy.

You woke a few hours later to a white hot pain across your stomach and you cried out, clutching your belly. The pressure in your stomach was so intense you called out.

"Cillian!! Baby you there??" No answer. You reached for your phone on the bedside table and called him.

"Hey, you're awake -"

"Cillian come home.. please it hurts!!!" You heard the car screech to a halt.

"What hurts? Baby where are you? I'm on my way, 10 minutes okay?"

"Please... God it hurts!!!" Cillian stayed on the phone but you heard him talking to his sister in the passenger seat.

"Orla, call an ambulance, you're gonna have to come with me. Y/n stay on the phone until I get there baby okay?" You were panting now, the pain was unbearable. You could hear Cillian swearing at other cars, he must've been driving like a maniac... You didn't care, you just needed him now.. Orla was talking now, she must've been on the phone to the ambulance service, you heard her give them your address before you screamed as another white hot pain shot across your belly.

Panting through the pain, you felt the pressure in your pelvis start to increase in intensity. You pulled yourself to your feet slowly, and made your way to the bathroom. You were sweating from every where, your temperature soaring to new heights. You pulled your underwear down and sat on the toilet, convinced whatever it was you'd eaten that was causing this was about to make a dramatic exit. In that moment you heard Cillian and Orla burst into the bedroom, Cillian making his way into the bathroom to you. You didn't even feel embarrassed that you were sat on the toilet you were just grateful that he was there.

"It hurts so bad Cill... Please make it stop!!!!" You screamed, as a sudden need to push took over you. Cillian was frozen in panic, completely helpless, he didn't know what to do. Orla suddenly took charge, pushing Cillian to the side to check you over. You stood up slightly, your body taking over completely.

"Holy shit..... y/n lie down on the floor, come on... Cillian, get a fucking towel!!" Orla guided you slowly to the bathroom floor and opened your legs, Cillian quickly grabbing a towel that she placed under your hips.

"Fuck... Okay y/n look at me.. you're going to feel a need to push and I need you go with it okay? Just breathe... You're gonna be fine.."

"The fuck is happening Orla??" You screamed.

"You having a baby y/n.. right now.. Cillian get that end and hold her.. Get your shit together y/n and push!!" Cillian didn't have time to react before Orla pulled him to sit behind you holding you, your back to his chest as you gripped his hands and bore down as hard as you could. There was no time to think about anything else. The pain was like nothing you'd felt before in your life. Cillian breathed with you, grimacing slightly as his knuckles were being gripped like a vice but focusing his attention on getting you through this.

Within seconds the paramedics had arrived through the door Cillian had left open downstairs and taken over from Orla, giving you a mouthpiece to breathe into.

"Gas and air babe, it'll help, just breathe in and out okay?" Cillian whispered in your ear as you did as you were told and instantly felt the pain subside slightly. One paramedic was between your legs, the other radioing the hospital to let them know what was happening and to expect a mum and baby imminently.

The room was filled with the sound of a baby's cry. You heard Orla burst into tears, whilst you and Cillian were still too in shock to fully process what was happening. The paramedics offered Cillian a pair of surgical scissors to cut the cord, before placing the tiny baby girl in your arms. At that moment you both cried, looking down at the tiny bundle who was starting to settle, searching for your breast. You instinctively fed her, and Cillian gently stroked her head.

"Where the hell were you hiding her??" You looked up at him and laughed.

"I was about to ask you, when did you put her in there?!"

************************************

Opening your eyes, you felt hands roaming over your body as you lay in bed pretending you were still asleep. Those hands knew you better though and teased between your legs making your body shudder.

"I reckon we've got 10minutes before the 'threenager' wakes up... You'd better make this quick Cillian..." You turned onto your side and opened your legs inviting his now rock hard cock to rest between them. His fingers skilfully toying your clit making you moan softly. Easing himself inside from behind you, he began thrusting slowly. The only position available to you, your swollen belly now too large for any other.

"Fuck.. y/n.. still so tight..." You arched your back into his thrusts from behind you, both of you knowing this could be the last time before you had your new baby, due any time now. This pregnancy being much less of a shock than the first - you found out about 7 weeks in and you'd blossomed quickly. You'd loved feeling the little kicks, seeing your baby on the monitors at your scans, choosing names... You'd experienced it all and had relished every single second of it, making up for missing the first one's milestones.

"This really isn't going to last long.. you feel too good... Full of my child..."

"Cill keep talking to me.. I'm close..."

"Watching your body grow... Fuck you have no idea what that's done to me.."

Your hips rocked back against him almost frantically, his fingers still pressing on that bundle of nerves drawing your orgasm even closer. Before long you came hard against him, muffling your cries into the pillow so as not to wake your daughter in the next room. He followed not long after, spilling deep inside you.

Kissing your shoulder he pulled out, running his hands over your belly again and holding you close. A sudden giggle of your daughter emitting from the doorway.

"Mama!! What was Daddy doing behind you?" You pulled the duvet over you and Cillian helped you into a sitting position, your daughter climbing in-between you.

"Ready for some breakfast Niamh?" Cillian said as he booped his daughters nose and she moved to bite him playfully.

"Baby?" She pointed to your belly.

"Not yet little lady, soon though we promise." Cillian climbed out of bed and pulled his jeans on, picking the little girl up in his arms he playfully swung her over his shoulder, her legs in the air. You laughed watching Cillian bounce her over his shoulder, blowing raspberries into her waist making her squirm and giggle. Feeling another twinge in your lower abdomen you smiled.

"Maybe sooner rather than later Niamh, I think it might be time for that sleepover at Aunty Orla's house!"

The look of shock in Cillian's eyes made you laugh. "They do say it speeds things along Cill, don't look so surprised," you winced as he called his sister.

"You ready for this?" He kissed your head as he dialled the number.

"Definitely more ready than last time!" You laughed and tweaked your daughter's nose. "Let's get your bag shall we little lady?"

"No you don't, you stay there. I'll sort her out and Orla will come pick her up. You feeling okay?"

"Yep - I'm okay, they're not too bad for now. Her bag's on the hook behind her bedroom door already packed. My bag is in the closet downstairs ready. Just need to call the midwife and we're grand okay?"

"Love you... So much..." He kissed you gently and called Orla to come pick Niamh up. Your heart felt completely full and you couldn't wait to meet your latest addition.