#I thought it would be fun to share how the mini dress evolved

[st-hedge]

And that’s how I made another silly yorha outfit variation for nier. And I’ll do it again

[simpingforsoftboys]

Love Me, Love Me Not

ft. Kuroken

G/N Reader

TW: Insecurities... I think that’s it?

Read This First

Mini Series Here

Okay part 2/4 for the continuation of “Toxic Things They Do” request. This is probably the hardest one for me because I’m better at writing Kuroken x reader on a platonic level aha. Not proofread because your girl is a slacker-

You’re sitting on the floor of your living room, staring at the tv while Kenma plays on the new PS5 he bought. He’s seated in Tetsuro’s lap, the dark haired male is busy yapping his ear off- to which Kenma lets out small hums of acknowledgement every once in a while to show he’s listening. You want to join them up there, somehow the couch seems so far away from you. Like a pillar high in the sky- only serving to show off what you can’t ever really have. It seems a little dramatic to be thinking that way, sure, but you have a valid reason to put it in such a manner. You know, since you’re allergic to leather and all.

Tetsuro was always so caring, constantly doting on the ones he loves. With his trashy puns, troublesome smirk, and sparkling eyes that promised a good time, he was perhaps the ideal man. He gave his all for those he cared for, seemingly nothing about him was selfish... and yet the leather couch had been Tetsuro’s idea- he had always been fond of the material after all. Even when you brought up the whole issue of you being allergic to it- he still insisted that they purchase a leather sofa. 

“We’ll just buy you a separate arm chair or something.” Kenma had said after listening to the both of you argue back and forth. “It’s not like we don’t have the money.” It hurt more looking back on it now than it did at the time. It was an unreasonable solution, but it wasn’t like Kenma was going to disagree with Kuroo. He never did. At least when it came to you that is.

You continue staring at them. There’s something about the way that Tetsuro gazes at Kenma that just screams love and contentment. He’s never looked at you that way- even back when you were in denial you knew that much. Kenma never had to do what you would need to in order to keep his attention on him. All Kenma needed to do was exist- unlike you- he never had to earn dear Kuroo’s love. 

Tetsuro only doted on those he loved. He loved Kenma. And he only seemed to love you when Kenma wasn’t around.

“Y/n...” The messy haired male called, long arms winding around your torso. “Let’s go to the arcade! I made some reservations- we have the whole place to ourselves for a few hours.” 

You remember being excited at the time- finally you would get to go on a date with Tetsuro. It had been so long since your last one. 

“Really? That’s awesome! Let me just get dressed.” You slipped into a pair of jeans and a band t-shirt before hurrying to meet Kuroo at the door. “Tetsu I’m-”

“I can’t believe you got called in so last minute. It’s too late to cancel the reservations already kitten.” Kuroo whines into the phone, obviously talking to Kenma. “Yeah I’m just bringing Y/n, no point in wasting money... oh? Okay see you later. Love you kitten~”

Needless to say, your day seemed a lot less exciting after overhearing that conversation.

Kuroo gently nudged the smaller male aside, standing up to go use the restroom. The two of you made eye contact briefly, he winked playfully before continuing on his way to the bathroom. Your gaze fell upon Kenma- who was still rapidly pushing buttons and triggers on his controller. 

Kenma had always been elusive. It was one of the things that drew you into him. He looked so uncaring about everything, at first you couldn’t even have imagined that he would be so attentive to every detail. Was it a trait he had gained from Tetsuro or vice versa? People do say lovers begin sharing habits over time. At first you could barely distinguish one of his expressions from another, but as you spent more time in his company you found much more than you could have hoped. You discovered that he was constantly changing, learning to be more expressive. Each time you thought you had him figured out- he had already developed beyond that.

The minuscule way his lips would upturn when he was amused soon changed into a hidden smile, chuckles threatening to escape his throat. Then that changed to a slightly wider one, showing the smallest amount of his teeth. Eventually he learned to forgo his embarrassment entirely- and he would laugh freely, all teeth, heart, and soul, in it. Yes, Kenma was a constantly evolving individual- like the ever changing maze in the maze runner. There was seemingly no escape to him- just twists and turns and dead ends. He was impossibly deep- a promise of a myriad of mysteries within his eyes. 

But you were just another runner- doomed to be lost in the maze- but never to escape it. Kuroo on the other hand was something else. He was on a completely different level- skilled in his knowledge of Kenma- able to come and go as he pleased. You doubted he’d ever wanted to escape. Neither did you- at first. 

Out of the two of them, Kenma had always been more receptive of you. It had surprised even Kuroo himself actually. You didn’t doubt Kenma’s love for you- not like you doubted Tetsuro’s- but you also knew that he’d never care for you as much as he did Kuroo. It showed in the little things.

“Y/n did you want to play with me?” Kenma’s soft voice carried over where you were- snuggled up in blankets, playing Animal Crossing while sitting in your arm chair. He had his own red and blue Switch in his hands. Kuroo had been home at the time, you recall hearing him snoring away in your bedroom. “It’s been awhile since it was just us.”

You smiled at his words and agreed. The two of you visiting each others islands and irritating your beloved villagers. It was fun, spending time with Kenma, and you could tell that he was enjoying himself- and not just because of the game. He would shoot you shy, soft smiles when he thought you weren’t looking. It was those smiles that really kept you clinging onto the sinking ship that was your relationship. 

Kenma loved you.

The smiles directed towards Kuroo were different. They weren’t shy- instead they were familiar and open. Kenma had known Kuroo far longer than he had you. The comfort he took in him was of an entirely separate magnitude. Naturally, this was the same with the amount of love he held for him too. 

He looked happier with Kuroo than he did with you.

Maybe it’s because of that fact that you decided to break the news to Kenma first. Making sure that your skin was covered with you long sleeves, pants, and socks, you made your way over to where Kenma was seated. His eyes tore away from the screen to stare at you worriedly. 

“Y/n your allergies-” He began.

“It’s fine, as long as my bare skin doesn’t touch the leather.” You reply, sitting beside him. You know you shouldn’t- not when you’re about to say this- but you yank him into a hug anyways. You hug Kenma tight and hard, because he’s the only one in this relationship that might even love you a sliver as much as you love him. He tries to turn, so that he can embrace you too- but you won’t let him, opting to pin his arms down with your own. It’ll hurt too much to do this if you let him hold you. 

“Y/n what’s wrong?” He asks and he looks at you like you’re the only one in the world for that moment. Bitterly, you wonder if this is what it feels like to be in Kuroo’s shoes. Yet again, you are reminded that while this is a rare sensation for you- it’s a daily occurrence between the two of them- looking at each other like they hung the stars up in the sky- that is. 

“I have to tell you something Kenma.” You murmur, licking your lips. “But first I’m going to let you go, right after I try to memorize what you feel like against me. And you have to promise not to try to hug me after that okay?” 

“W-why? What’s wrong Y/n?” He struggles again, fear overtaking his heart at your words. “What is it?”

“J-just promise me. You can be mad, you can cry, hell you can even laugh afterwards. But don’t try to reach out and hug me okay?” He’s never seen you so serious, so he nods his head. 

“I promise.” He agrees and stops fighting against you. You do your best to memorize this- the feeling of him in your arms. He’s warm and despite his lithe figure he’s firm against you. His hair is smooth and soft- since you had managed to drill into him how important hair maintenance was- it smells like his pricey conditioner. You rest your cheek against his for a long moment, before forcing yourself to pull away from him entirely. The half blonde abides by his promise, but it’s clear that he wants to reach out to you.

“This is going to hurt me a lot more than it’s going to hurt you.”

“What are you saying?” Kenma’s anxious now, eyes searching for answers in your own pools of e/c. 

“But you have Tetsuro... I don’t know how he’ll feel about this- but he’ll probably be furious with me.” You continue, heavy tears slipping from your tear ducts. “I don’t think this is working out Kenma-”

“What did I do?” He asks, wide eyed and desperate- you can hear the pain in his tone. “Did you fall out of love with me- with us?” The angel and devil perched on your shoulders agree that you should lie to him- tell him ‘yes, I did fall out of love with you.’ The angel says it’s better to do it this way, to spare him the pain of knowing what you went through. While the devil thinks you should say it in the most vicious way possible- to give back all the pain, the unworthiness they made you experience. But you refuse to listen, no one deserves to suffer through your insecurities.

“I’m still in love with you two.”

There’s tears spilling from both of your eyes now.

“Then why-”

“It’s because I’m not content anymore.” It’s not the full truth but it’s better than a lie right? You forgot that a half truth is a whole lie. 

“I think we deserve the truth.” Kuroo says from the entrance of the living room, he’s leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. “Not some half assed explanations.” 

“Right...” You agree, blinking back your tears. “I’m so grateful for you two. Tetsuro you’re so caring and selfless, you give your heart in everything you do- I’d be lying to say that I’m over you. Kenma you’ve always been so attentive and I won’t lie- something about you just makes me want to appreciate you endlessly. But babes, you’ve been in love for so long- I can’t possibly catch up.” 

Kuroo’s expression is shocked, not expecting this. “Y/n-”

“No, please listen.” You ask of him- just this once- to listen to you. Luckily for you he does. Kenma looks like he wants to speak up too, but swallows his words. It’s the first time they’ve let you get a word in without getting defensive. Kinda poetic if you think about it. Your last 'argument’ as a throuple and the first time they’ve been able to let you say your piece.

“Tetsu, it’s clear Kenma’s your first and foremost priority. I don’t even know if what we have is love or admiration- but it’s not what I’m looking for.” You give him a sad smile and he discovers that it’s the most genuine one he’s seen from you.

“Y/n I-” He tries, only to get an impatient look from both you and Kenma. “Sorry, continue.”

“I’m a hypocrite to say this- but Kenma... this is harder to say because I’ve grown more attached to you overtime.” You hate yourself for what you’re about to say next- the hypocrisy you’re about to spew is enough to render your feelings null and void... or so you believe. “I never doubted with you- what we had... have... it’s definitely love.” 

Kenma looks ugly, his face is all scrunched up and theres snot and tears dripping down onto his lap. “It always was- still is Y/n.”

“I know baby.” You whisper back, it pains you to see him like this. “But you’re still more in love with Tetsu.” He can’t deny it either, that’s what pains him the most. “I love the both of you though. So I really do wish you the best. It’s the only thing I can do- because I can’t stay here and hold you back.”

Something inside of Kuroo’s heart cracks and he finds himself tearing up at your words. It hurts because you’re right. He doesn’t love you like that- or at least he doesn’t think so. But if that’s the case then it doesn’t make sense as to why he’s hurting. 

“I’m sorry that I had to be the one to call it quits- because I never, ever, wanted to be the one to do that. But guys-” Your voice cracks, it embodies all the heart ache you’re feeling- been feeling for so long. “When it’s just you two, at the altar, finally becoming one... I’ll be able to say with good faith that I made the right decision. So don’t fight me, don’t even say anything- this is what I want. This isn’t for just you- it’s for me too.”

They nod, facing the consequences of your choice- maybe it goes further than that. Maybe all this time the three of you were doomed to fail. If that’s the case then it’s a blessing that you’re not going down in flames. Instead this chapter is ending with a flood of tears and the promise of ruin. But there’s also the underlying hope that one day the flood will dry up and they’ll finally be able to look at the ruins without feeling regret. It’s that hope that all three of you cling too. That hope that one day you’ll be able to rebuild upon the ruins- a new temple, new kingdom. A new place for a rebuilt- or maybe even entirely new- love. 

A/N: I did Kuroo so dirty but I’m not sorry about that. In all honesty this is how I feel it’d go in a situation like this. Kuroo’s priority is always going to be Kenma. He’s a chemistry nerd- and their shared chemistry is so deep, it’s engrained onto the face of their soul. I think Kenma does really love Y/n but he’ll always love Kuroo just a little more. But sometimes a little is all the difference and is the game changer in the end. I do think, that if Kenma had loved the two of them equally- then maybe they could have been fine with a polygamous dynamic- but sadly that’s not the case.

This is also the harsh reality to a lot of poly relationships- some people enter them but aren’t prepared to love equally. So there’s an imbalance there that really shouldn’t be there. A lot of authors who write for polyships don’t touch on this but I want to be here to write about the good and the bad. 

Seeing the reader after the breakup

[lgbtkendricks]

snowed in [veronica sawyer x heather chandler]

Veronica Sawyer x Heather Chandler

“God, this is some serious bullshit.” Duke groaned collapsing onto Veronica’s locker with a deep frown etched into her features.

“Heather. Off.” Heather snapped bitingly, glaring as Duke immediately stood up straighter and moved.

“Sorry, Heather.”

Veronica shrugged in a nonchalant manner, a small attempt to show Duke that she didn’t mind, looking between the Heathers as she opened her locker slowly and carefully picked up a striped scarf she usually wore whilst walking to and from school.

“Veronica.” Heather scoffed. “I don’t think JDreamy is going to take much notice of you if you’re dressed like a frumpy elf in a stupid blue suit.”

Veronica eyed her as carefully as she had pried her locker open and made a small face. She couldn’t care less about what JD thought, but regardless, she spoke calculatingly “I’m pretty cold. The school’s heating isn’t working.”

“As cold as his dick will be if he sees you in that.” Heather huffed, rolling her eyes as she snatched the scarf out of Veronica’s hands and threw it back into her locker.

“How very.” Veronica sighed, visibly shivering. “Aren’t you guys cold?”

“I’m used to it.” McNamara shrugged. “What I’m not used to is having to spend all night in this dump with a bunch of low-lives.”

“It won’t be that bad. Like a slumber party.” Veronica said lightly, wrapping her arms around herself.

Duke scoffed. “A slumber party for rats.”

“Where are we supposed to sleep? Do they expect us to starve??”

“Ms Fleming said-“

“Ms Fleming doesn’t know left to right.” Heather clenched her jaw.

“Well, she said we have to sleep in our homerooms.” Veronica shrugged. “At least we’re not stuck out there.”

“Are you kidding me?” Duke’s head turned sharply to the other brunette. “I’d rather freeze than share a room with Kurt and Ram all night. In fact, I’d rather be poor than share a room with Kurt and Ram all night.”

Veronica narrowed one eye slightly. “You should think about your priorities.”

“Freezing, poor – same difference.” McNamara waved Veronica’s point off.

“Everybody shut the fuck up.”

Hands on hips, Heather’s eyes practically burned a hole into the lockers in front of her as she thought. The other Heathers waited patiently with their eyes cast down at the grubby floor below. Veronica, however, took the rare moment of Heather being unaware of her surroundings to study this fairly new expression. She followed the gentle crease in between her perfectly manicured brows to her remarkably concentrated emerald orbs and the complete lack of blemishes underneath. Her cheeks were ever so slightly rosy, and it made Veronica smirk as she knew this was going to be the first and last time she’d ever see Heather Chandler look as genuinely cute as she did right now. Grumpy but just as affected by the situation as everyone else, she was adorable. Veronica travelled down to Heather’s pursed lips, red as ever. Her smirk fell as she inwardly sighed and reminded herself to get a fucking grip. This crush was getting far too out of hand, now. Ridiculously so.

Veronica started as Heather suddenly strutted off, enforcing a parting not dissimilar to that of the red sea down the hall. The other three girls gaped at her retreating figure for a moment, until Heather screamed without pausing in her tracks:

“What are you three fucktarts doing?? Hurry. Up.”

Duke and McNamara scurried after her immediately, spewing apologies. Chuckling to herself, Veronica too stalked off to follow the Heathers. They walked until they reached the gym doors leading to the football field.

“Heather?” Duke asked, confused. “What are we doing here?”

“Christ, Heather. I told you to shut the fuck up, did I not?” Heather huffed. “Wait here.”

Veronica and the other Heathers stood near the bleachers as they watched Heather go through to the changing areas. She disappeared behind bright red doors.

“I had a date tonight, you know.” Duke sighed, throwing her head back once more.

“Yeah, well…”

Duke eyed Veronica. “Well what?”

“It’s snowing.”

“Yeah. No shit, Veronica.”

“I had a game to cheer at tomorrow.” McNamara said, looking longingly out at the white abyss.

“Attention, Westerburg High. Dinner will be served at six pm.” The intercom sounded, making all three of them look up.

“That’s hours away.” Whined McNamara.

“Good.” Duke mumbled under her breath.

Before Veronica and McNamara could remind Duke about seeing a doctor for the third time that day, they heard a loud bang. Immediately, the three of them turned to see Heather smirking, strutting over to the doors and twirling a set of keys in her fingers.

“What are you doing with that?” Duke asked, taking a few steps closer.

“We’re slumming in luxury.”

“Sort of defeats the purpose of the word ‘slum’, but okay.” Veronica said, half-smiling at the blonde. Heather only smirked at her, unlocking the doors. She opened them up, letting the harsh winds into the gym.

“I’m shivering now, Jesus.” McNamara said, stepping away from the coldness.

“We’re not going far, Heather, man up.”

“Where are we going?” Veronica asked.

Heather only looked at her for a moment, before smirking slightly once more and stepping outside. “It’ll be…merry.”

The other two Heathers shared a knowing look. Veronica raised a single brow at them, following Heather out into the cold. “Colour me stoked.” Veronica said softly, squinting through the heavy snowfall and carefully following the taller girl.

Heather walked along the pitch, until she reached a door leading into the guys’ changing rooms. She unlocked it and stepped in, lightly dumping the snow off her heels. Veronica did the same, as did the Heathers who had reluctantly followed them, and she walked over to a little trap door amongst the floorboards and unlocked it with a small iron key.

“After you.” Heather told Veronica clearly.

Veronica looks at her for a long moment. “Heather.”

“Veronica.”

“What’s down there?”

“Why now, telling would only ruin the surprise.” Heather spoke with a glint in her eyes. Whilst Veronica couldn’t decipher what that glint honestly meant, it didn’t exactly pronounce a feeling of excitement within her – dread was more like it.

“Of course it would.” Veronica muttered, taking one last look at the Heathers before taking a deep breath and carefully treading down the steps.

It was pitch black when she reached touchdown, and she was standing on what felt like carpet. More intrigued now than anything else, Veronica stepped aside as she heard the Heathers walking down the steps too. One of them – Veronica couldn’t make out which – felt along the wall before audibly flicking a switch. Veronica blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light, before looking around at the room. It was a lair of sorts – a cabin-style living area with red sofas and armchairs, with a white coffee table in the middle and dark wooden walls. There were poker chips and cards atop the table (‘typical’ Veronica rolled her eyes) and a sizeable mini fridge.

“How do you even know about this place?” Veronica asked, walking over to a loveseat and carefully sitting down. Her eyes bulged as she leant back into the immediate comfort “Holy shit. This is nice.”

“The boys usually hang out in here after a game.” Heather said vaguely, stalking over to the fridge and pulling out a few bottles of soda.

“Sometimes they invite the cheerleaders too,” McNamara explained. “But, you know. I’m head cheerleader so…all three of us go.”

“This is what the school spend their salary on? Isn’t that…completely ridiculous?” Veronica scoffed.

Heather groaned and rolled her eyes, slamming the sodas onto the table and picking up a deck of cards. “Be grateful or get out, Veronica, it’s not that hard.”

“Right.”

Across the next couple of hours, Veronica sat and played card games and poker with the Heathers. It was an odd way of passing time during a snowstorm to say the least, but she certainly wasn’t complaining. The funny thing was, with absolutely nobody around to impress or scare, the Heathers evolved into being fairly normal. Well, perhaps normal was still a stretch, but nobody was particularly horrid or bitingly annoying for the most part. In all honesty, Veronica found it pretty entertaining. Fun, in fact. The Heathers were fun. Heather Duke was – unsurprisingly – incredibly competitive, and it left the other three of them laughing at her serious attempts to justify her losing and rolling their eyes at her gloating whenever she did end up winning. Heather McNamara was the one who, after snooping around the room for a while, turned on the heating and found a cassette player alongside a fairly large stash of cassettes; watching her fairly interpretive dances once she was out in poker was hilarious. And, of course, then there was Heather Chandler. She seemed a little more relaxed, just as controlling but certainly happier. She cheated at as many card games as possible and would half-jokingly sneer at the others when she was found out. She even literally let her hair down, leaving her scrunchie on the coffee table as she and Duke competed to be the reigning champion of poker. With McNamara on Duke’s team and Veronica on Heather’s, she was able to sit right next to her and look over her shoulder at her cards, sharing victorious and cunning glances every now and then. The entire time, Veronica hid her shortness of breath surprisingly well. She didn’t usually get like this, in fact, no: she never got like this. It was just…Heather Chandler was absolutely beautiful. Especially when she let her hair down and smirked and laughed and sighed and bit the corner of her bottom lip in concentration and fluttered her lashes as she counted her chips and glared daringly at Duke from across the table. Especially then.

Eventually, 6pm rolled around, and Heather stacked her chip winnings up neatly on the table and tied her hair back up.

“Heather and Heather, go to the cafeteria and get dinner.” She told her friends, watching as they both stood up and moved to climb the stairs. “And if it’s shit, don’t let me starve!”

Veronica chuckled lightly and sat back against the sofa. She was surprised that she hadn’t been sent to go with the other Heathers but she didn’t dwell on it, too content to care.

“You know, Veronica, you’re not awful company.” Heather said in an almost sultry tone, angling her body to face the brunette’s.

Veronica blushed, looking at her and attempting to hide the beginnings of an admiring smile on her face. “Yeah?”

“You’re actually a lot more tolerable than the Heathers.”

“That sounds almost like a compliment, Heather,” Veronica sighed happily, raising a brow.

Heather merely smiled at her – a genuine, sweet smile Veronica had never truly seen but still felt as though it’s reserved for her – and nudged her softly with her shoulder.

“Try not to get used to it.” She whispered gently, a stark contrast to her usual snappy tone.

“I’ll try.”

Part 2 soon??

[callmeblake]

GERARD WAY

Phoning It In April 07th, 2020

Phoning It In. I’ve always loved the phrase and I was just inspired to write a song with it. To keep in spirit with the title of the song, I made sure not to try too hard on any one element. I wrote the riff quickly, wrote the lyrics quickly, we got the guitar sound quickly, and there was no overthinking or really changing anything. My only complaint about it is that I think it is a little too fast, so it forces me to sing harder to keep up, and it doesn’t fully sound like I’m phoning in the vocals. So I thought about slowing it down and delivering a more laid back vocal take. Just ever so slightly. I played the guitar, sang, No bass yet. Doug programmed the drums. Every once in a while we will have someone play drums on the songs, but usually only when we are finishing something for release. Otherwise, all the drums in the demos are programmed by Doug, and I think he does a really good job of making them sound kind of real and natural. I get attached to them. All of Hesitant Alien started as demos with programmed drums by Doug. He and I have a cool relationship, and have evolved together over the years since he engineered Black Parade, Danger Days, and engineered and produced Hesitant Alien. We work in the same space, the studio at my house, called Milk Friends. I just let him have the space I’m not using and he brought in all of his gear and works on various projects, recording, and mixes, and I would be in the other room, the office, writing comics. And every so often, when neither of us is too busy, we record things. I like sharing artistic spaces with people, especially Doug. It’s nice to have a friend that can record you when you have an idea, because I’m terrible at recording and I barely even know how to use Garage Band. So all the singles you have gotten from me over the last couple of years have been done with Doug and I, and then various musicians who would replace certain things, making them real, and sound better.

https://soundcloud.com/gerardway/phoning-it-in

Phoning It In

Some folks make hasty decisions They live their life on the go I can’t be bothered to give a damn bout anything and Some people say I’m a pro

You’re busy climbing the ladder I’m busy lying in bed It doesn’t matter if anybody calls me names and I’m gonna fuck off instead

Because

We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in Don’t care just phone it in Get bored just phone it in We’re gonna phone it in

You busy yourself with fashion I busy myself with fun I’m busy painting these mini metal skeletons and You say I’m dressed like a bum

You say that you’ve got a passion About what you’ve gotta do You say you can’t wait to buckle down and start your day and I’m less excited than you

Because

We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in Don’t care just phone it in Get bored just phone it in We’re gonna phone it in

We are the ones The ones who never give a damn We are the ones Without even a basic plan Out in the sun We are the ones enjoying it You work too hard I quit I quit I quit I quit and

I’m tired of people complaining My best is not good enough I’m only doing the minimum to get me through and If you don’t like it then tough

Because

We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in Want pizza phone it in Hate work just phone it in We’re gonna phone it in

We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in We’re gonna phone it in

.

[twerkinwithhazza]

Just a Taste

Author’s Note: So alongside with the Christmas imagines I also plan to continue writing smut because I'm a sinner and that's just how life goes. Anyways this was specifically needed for my mother aka Kat @carpe-styles and I will always come through for my mother so shout out to her for supporting this sin, love you, mom. Anyways here it is… I hope yall survive because I'm probably gonna die after I post this. This part 1, Part 2 will be up soon.

Warnings: a smutty build up

Song Inspo: Often by The Weeknd

They had been in there for over an hour by now. The situation was awkward enough as is, but the fact that as soon as you arrived home Harry dragged Niall into your shared bedroom and locked the door behind him only made it all the worse.

It was a normal day, you Harry and Niall had gotten together to celebrate Harry opening for the Victoria's Secret Show and Niall's recent AMA win for best new artist. In the 5 years, you had been with Harry it wasn't uncommon for the three of you to go out and party, you were just as close to Niall as Harry was. But tonight things went left, to say these least.

At the club, you and the boys were placed in the VIP section - automatic bottle service and the perfect amount of privacy. After a few shots, it was needless to say that you had gotten yourself a little bit tipsy. Harry left you alone to dance as he went to go talk to his other friend, and of course in your drunken state you didn't mind.

And after that everything happened in what seemed to be a blink of an eye, the next time you saw Harry you also saw Niall. Harry had grabbed Niall by his shirt pushing up against the wall, screaming at him to stay away from you. You had no idea what had happened but you attempted to break up the fight, separating the two boys leaving Niall one end of your hand smirking devilishly at Harry and Harry on the other glaring him down. The fun quickly ended after that, but despite the altercation at the club, Harry had invited Niall back to your house. Before you could get a word out Harry grabbed Niall by the arm and pulled him upstairs glancing back at you with dark green eyes his glare speaking for him, you settled back down on the couch keeping your mouth shut and your thoughts hushed.

You were growing impatient. You had done everything possible to pass the time: take off your heels, give yourself a mini foot massage, fixed your hair, chewed gum, drank some water, ate a kiwi. You wanted to know what the hell was going up there and why they had gotten into a fight at the club. You put in your mind that if you didn't hear back from them in the next 15 minutes that you were gonna make it your business to go up there and demand answers.

“Come here Peaches”, you heard Harry call your name from your bedroom but it didn't fully register.

He only ever called you Peaches when he was extremely sexually frustrated and it was just the two of you. As your relationship with Harry continued to evolve you had become more and more open to different things in bed, but something that always stuck was your shared kink for pet names. The names Peaches made your thighs clench together and memories flash through your mind, you didn't hesitate to rise from your spot on the couch and make your way to the bedroom.

When you entered the room you saw both boys sitting at the foot of the bed, all kinds of anger seemed to have diminished but something still seemed off in the mood.

Harry’s eyes hadn't lightened up in the slightest they, in fact, seemed to be darker than they were before. “Come sit on Daddy’s lap, Peaches”, he patted his thigh softly. You glanced at Niall then back to Harry, but Harry said nothing more just simply patted his thigh again and nodded his head. You did as you were told sat down on Harry’s lap with your back against his chest.

“May...May I speak”, you stuttered. Even though you were unaware of what exactly had gotten Harry So mad you knew you were walking on thin ice and all it took was one slip up and you knew you would be able to feel the consequences come tomorrow morning.

“Of course baby girl”

“Am...I in trouble”

“I’m afraid so baby girl, you know I don't like to share. But you seem to have created quite the ….problem for Niall and me”

To share. Now you were truly confused, you didn't remember do anything to have Harry and Niall at odds, let alone to make Harry feel the need to share you.

“Yeh knows you're quite the tease (Y/N), wasn't expecting all that from you tonight. Ya really have some nice hips on yeh”, Niall smirked which caused Harry’s head to snap in his direction as he protectively wrapped his arms tighter around you.

“See the problem Peach”, his hands moved to your shoulders slowly pulling down the loose spaghetti straps of your dress, the coolness of his rings and his deep voice causing your tremble at his touch.

“Now normally I’m not too keen on sharing”, you let out a small moan as Harry kissed slowly down your spine all the while unzipping the back of your dress. “But I think it fair to give Niall just a taste, yeah? Let him know what's mine?”

You had no idea how to react the whole ordeal had you completely in shock. As much as you wanted to run away and hide in a corner, you couldn't ignore the small pool of wetness that had gathered in your panties hearing Niall talk about you that way.

You turned to Niall as he scooted over closer to you and Harry, his warms hands caressing the inside of your thighs running dangerously close to your heat. Your breathing grew heavier as he began to place sloppy kiss down your shoulders, “Just a taste sweetheart, yeah?”

You glanced over one more time at Harry, looking for any signs of disapproval or regret but he was preoccupied. He hooked his fingers around your panties, slipping them down until they pooled at the bottom of your feet and parting your legs apart.

You let out one more shaky breath before nodding your head, “Just a taste”.

[criminalnourished]

Midnight Shenanigans

~ A Shayne Topp Imagine/Fluff ~

A/N: Look, I don’t write, I was going to make a short parody, but it kept getting longer and longer and I actually kinda liked how it turned out, so I thought I’d share it. It’s super long, so if you get through it, I applaud you!

Warnings: Fluff. Like, a lot of it. (also, alcohol? like, having a drink)

Words: way too many, I like my epithets.

Enjoy!

Winter Games.

The event of the season.

And it was going to be extra special this year. Why? Because you get to go!

As one of the newly established head writers and producer, you would be reffing this year’s Games, along with Sunny, Joe and Matt and you were hardly able to contain your excitement.

The venue was the same as the previous years’ one – Big Bear.

The evening before, you were starting the slow process of packing when it hit you.

You were a part of the Smosh family and have even been in the background of a few videos, though you were more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of person, so this was going to be a big step. ��This would’ve been your first on-screen appearance that included talking. Oh geez. Your stomach churned. Oh holy geez. Mostly unscripted. Unscripted. I literally work with scripts, how in God’s name am I going to pull this off?, you thought to yourself.

Thankfully, you were taken out of your trance with a noise. That familiar iPhone ringtone we all know and never change. Standing up, crossing a mountain of bags, you reached for your phone and looked at the caller ID. Shayne. You smiled briefly before picking up. That guy always knew how to make you smile.

‘Hello?’ you said, going back to the suitcase. However, being the clumsy potato that you were, you caught your leg on a plastic bag, managing to lose your balance and fall directly on your bum, with a noisy *thud*.  A loud laugh escaped the phone.

‘I get that it’s part of your “brand” to just barely be capable of walking, but please try not to die, we prefer our writers alive’ Shayne joked.

‘Ha-ha’ you said sarcastically, picking yourself up from the floor. ‘Thanks, I appreciate it. Now that you’ve told me, I am sure to stop tripping and falling over’ you joked back.

‘Perfect! Don’t say that I never did anything for you!’

‘I shall remember this piece of advice till the day I die, which will inevitably be by slipping on a banana peel or tripping over my own two feet while carrying coffee.’ He laughed.

You started organizing your clothes into neat piles on your bed.

‘And your tombstone will say “Here lies our beloved (Y/N), who forgot to follow the Great Shayne’s advice.”’ You giggled, folding a shirt into your suitcase.

‘So anyways, what are you up to?’ he asked.

‘I just started packing’ you replied.

‘Oooh, right on time! It’s only…’ he stopped, presumably looking for the exact time. ’11:43pm!’

‘Hey, I only need about an hour, I have plenty of time. Have you already packed?’

‘Yup! All done, ready to go!’

You scoffed. ‘You must’ve forgotten something.’

‘I pretty sure I haven’t. Triple-checked.’

Another scoff from you.

‘And hey, if you “only need an hour”’ he mocked, ‘that’s great, you have enough time to get food with me!’

‘Oh, Shayne, it’s almost midnight, I don’t know, and-‘ you trailed off.

‘And?’

‘And… I don’t know, we need to be up in 5 to 6 hours?’

‘That’s a terrible excuse. You’re living on your own, you make your own rules and then break them, because rules are meant to be broken, dammit!’ he said, overly enthusiastic.

You kept folding clothes into your suitcase, silently. You wanted to go, really, it seemed so fun and like the epitome of ‘living’, from what you’ve seen in those typical young adult movies. Fun, you thought, not a good enough argument. All of a sudden, your stomach grumbled. Now that’s a good argument.

‘And also, I’m kinda maybe possibly in front of your building…’ Shayne added.

You dropped the dress you were neatly trying to fold.

‘You’re what?’

‘An evolved monkey’, he said, a hint of pride in his voice.

‘No, gah! Why are you-? How did you-?’ You tried to formulate a question but failed miserably. ‘Wait, let me buzz you in.’

‘No, no, I’ve got a better idea – you come with me. I’m already here and you already said that an hour is plenty of time for packing. Plus, I can help you with that later. So…. whaddaya say?’

You approached the window looking towards the building entrance, in disbelief, but sure enough, there he was, one hand in his pocket, pacing.

‘Alright’, you sighed, ‘give me three minutes to get down there.’

‘If you don’t make it, food’s on you. And your time… starts… now! Three minutes, go!’

You threw on the first shirt you saw – a baggy gray tee with the NASA logo on it, which was way too big, pairing it with boyfriend jeans.

Forty-five seconds to go.

You grabbed your little leather backpack, along with your phone, keys and wallet, stuffing them inside violently.

Twenty-seven seconds left.

You slammed the door, locking it quickly and sprinted down the stairs, skipping over multiple steps and almost dying thrice.

As you opened the big entrance gate to the building, you heard a beep. Shayne’s phone went off, signaling your three minutes had been over.

When you looked ahead, Shayne was peering back, a Cheshire cat-sized smile was plastered across his face.

‘No!’ you yelled, while bending over, resting your hands on your knees, trying to catch a breath. ‘Nonononono, I made it, I- I… I got out of the building!’

‘Nope! Doesn’t count! Looks like I’ll be enjoying some… whatever our food of choice turns out to be.’ Shayne said smugly, putting his hands behind his head.

When you finally got your air back, you stepped towards him, holding your side. You were really out of shape.

‘But I did it, the deal was to get down here in 3 minutes!’

You approached him, slouching. He threw an arm around you, as a way of greeting you and, well, because you looked like you were barely standing. This will have proven true merely moments later, when you shifted all of your weight off of your feet, forehead pressed against his clavicle.

‘Ah, yes, but you did not stop the alarm! That’s the unspoken rule of race-bets, always stop the clock!’ he said in a matter-of-fact tone, while patting the back of your head.

‘Fiiiine’, you let out a slow sigh, still in the same place. Maybe you were exhausted after a long day at work, maybe this three-minute workout from hell got to you or maybe this scenario felt pleasant, but you didn’t move. And neither did he. You just stood there, for a good while, taking it all in. You didn’t remember how long, but at some point he stopped patting your head and just rested his chin on the top, his arms around you. It was… nice. Man, male colognes are the best, you thought to yourself.

However, this suddenly made you feel extremely aware of the close proximity in which you were, making your cheeks a few dozen shades more red. You shifted a bit and Shayne, understanding the signal, let you go, scratching his head. You couldn’t help but think you’d seen a bit of red tint in his cheeks, only for a mere second, however, as it faded away quite quickly.

‘Um… so, since midnight snackage’s on you, it’s only fair that you get to pick the place.’

‘Hmmm… the closest ‘eat-now-regret-later’ place is McDonald’s. Does that work?’

‘Ughhh, fine’, he fake-complained, ‘No, yeah, sure! That’s a few streets down, though, might be a bit of a walk’ said Shayne.

‘Or we could take my car?’

‘Nooo, come on, look at this weather’ he said whinny, pointed to the sky. It was rather beautiful. The sky was completely clear, there were a few stars visible. The air was way too warm, considering it was technically winter, a light breeze was blowing. ‘It’d be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of this, doncha think? And if you get tired… I don’t know, I’ll just carry you or something, we’ll figure it out!’

‘Why don’t we go to the drive-through, get our food, drive up to the hills and eat there?  We can go for a walk and have a vehicle at our disposal, if we happen to need it! Boom, compromise!’

‘Deal!’ said Shayne, giggling slightly. You stepped towards your Mini Cooper.

‘I mean, hey, I know you’re in shape, but I feel like I could collapse any moment now’ you informed him. He chuckled, already seated in the passenger seat, seat belt on.

‘Ho, boy! Food – here we come!’

About 7 minutes later, you entered a McDonald’s drive-through, ordered way too much food, and soon enough, you were on your way for the hills.

‘Yo, drive-throughs’, said Shayne, with a mouthful of fries, ‘might be the best thing we ever came up with. No human interaction, you don’t even need to leave your car!’

‘Definitely. I’d say it’s up there with fire and the computer’ you replied.

You talked the whole ride, finding yourselves in sporadic fits of laughter. After 10ish minutes of traffic-free driving, you were there. Shayne insisted he should carry all the food, you knew that any attempt at arguing would be in vain. A short walk later, a small bench graced you with its presence and you decided to occupy it, the food bags taking most of the space.

‘Woah’, you exclaimed, trying to squeeze the BigMac™ into your mouth, ‘in the two years that I’ve lived in LA, I’ve never been here at night. It’s so peaceful and beautiful.’

‘Right? And the best part?’ he said inquisitively, looking at you, ‘The view!’ He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, with a rather constipated facial expression, barely holding in the giggles. You laughed and shook your head.

You sat there for moments? Minutes? Hours? Who knows how long, talking about… nothing yet everything, really, while eating you food as slowly as possible, and almost choking a couple of times due to excessive laughter. When you finished your meal, you felt 500lbs heavier and completely incapable of moving. Shayne removed the scrunched up wrappers and scooted a bit closer. You held your stomach and let out a long grunt, reminiscent of vocal fry.

‘I think… I think I’m just gonna stay here… live my life on this bench, y’know, become an urban myth’ you said, curling up into fetal position.

‘”The girl on bench” ’ he said, in an overly dramatic tone, patting your back, ‘some say you can still hear a faint rumble of her stomach trying to digest the ton of food she consumed on that faithful night.’ You giggled.

‘Why, oh why, cruel world must it taste so good but hurt so badly?!’ he yelled to the sky, his voice shaky.

‘Shayne! It’s midnight, keep it down’ you tried to stop laughing and act serious, but failed.

‘Whyyyy?!’ he cried, falling onto his knees in front of the bench. Your stomach started aching, this time from laughter. You stood up and approached him, with the intention of helping him get up, extending your arm, however, when he grabbed it, you wobbled in the air and ended up landing on top of him.

Good job, wow, you’ve really outdone yourself this time! you thought, while hoping for the ground to swallow you.

‘Oh my gosh’, you said, completely flustered, not looking at him. You turned your head to glance at him, noticing that his face was way closer than you initially calculated. ‘I- I- I am so sorry, that was so… Oh gosh, I’m sorry, are you okay?’ you rushed to get up. Shayne just looked at you, laughing, with an amused look on his face. He was going to make a joke, but upon seeing how utterly distressed you looked, he decided against it.

‘Of course I am, I’m great, couldn’t be better’ he stood up, holding his side, ‘minus the fractured rib you might’ve caused me, but hey, I’ll live!’

‘Hey, no, don’t’ worry, really, it’s all good!’ said Shayne, putting a hand on your scapula. A short period of silence followed. ‘Hey, wanna go pack?’

‘Oh, sure, but I can do it, really, I’d hate to keep you up, but thanks for-‘

‘Nooo, you’re not keeping me up’ he exclaimed, ‘I dragged you out, so I need to redeem myself!’

You sighed.

‘Okay, fine. But my apartment ‘s a mess, don’t say I didn’t warn you!’

Your face was still a bright shade of red, the embarrassment unbearable. You hugged yourself, as if you were cold, and kept murmuring many I’m sorry-s along the way to the car.

During the ride, the constantly opened window helped you calm down and your skin tone to go back to normal.

Much to your surprise, the mess you had left at your place before was still there. :(

‘Woah, was there a nuclear explosion here?’ Shayne asked, evidently trying to push your buttons.

‘Actually, yes, that’s very insensitive of you. How dare you bring that up?’ you played along, while taking two clean glasses from the cupboard. ‘Want some gin?’

‘Woah, hey, heyhey, I don’t know if… I..’ Shayne stuttered, evidently taken aback by this suggestion. ‘I had no idea you drank.’

‘Well… I’m full of surprises’ you said, with an over exaggerated wink. The corner of Shayne’s mouth twitched. ‘And besides, I just do it occasionally.’ He nodded. ‘So, do you want some?’

‘I… uh… sure!’ he replied, still a bit confounded.

You poured the liquid into the glasses and added two ice cubes. Taking both glasses, you approached Shayne, who was looking at the clothes you already packed and handed him the glass.

‘Y’know, I’m pretty sure you don’t really need a cocktail dress… and I’d say that’s more than enough T-Shirts for a week and a half’ he stated, taking the glass from your hand.

‘Yes I do! T-Shirts are comfortable and great for layering and that’s how you combat the cold, you layer and-‘

‘But you don’t layer T-Shirts on top of T-Shits!’

‘But- yeah, you’re right, I mostly sleep in T-Shirts’, Shayne turned his head towards you, ‘What? They’re comfy so I bring extra, in case some get dirty or sweaty, y’know.’ You took a swig of your drink, almost downing it all at once, stumbling a bit.

‘Woah, easy there, you don’t want to be hung-over for the trip’, said Shayne, steadying you.

‘Nah, don’t worry about it, it’s just gin…’

‘Okay, well, you need to pack!’

‘You said you’d help!’

‘I will! You need a supervisor, to maximize efficiency.’

‘So you’ll just sit and tell me what to do?’

‘No, don’t be silly… I might stand up eventually’, replied Shayne, evidently proud of his comeback, which earned him a disapproving headshake.

‘Oh really?’ you said, grabbing your bras and underwear from a drawer.

It was Shayne’s turn to change into a tomato, clearing his throat, trying to look anywhere else, scratching the back of his neck and basically doing every other tick in the book signaling he was uncomfortable.

You grinned mischievously, realizing what you’d done and quickly put it all away into the suitcase.

‘You can look now’, you said.

‘Oh, hah, psh, no, I- I wasn’t, I-‘ he tried to come across as calm, cool and collected, but ended up looking even more awkward. You awed and kept packing, moving on to sweaters.

You kept packing and at some point, the gin started kicking in, making you extremely sleepy. Surely enough, the process took more than an hour, even with Shayne’s eventual help. You collapsed onto your bed, headfirst, and he lied next to you, on his back.

‘This was exhausting’, you exclaimed.

‘Nah, I’d say it was fun!’ he replied. You rolled over so that you were also lying on your back.

‘Thanks for helping, I would’ve probably fallen asleep had you not been here’, you said, turning your head to look at him.

‘See?’ he beamed, ‘I told you!’ he chuckled.

This was the first time you got to look at him so closely – the laugh lines and those baby blues, the slight beard he was trying to cultivate, his radiant smile… You caught yourself staring and only then did you realize how close you actually were, which in turn made you blush profusely. He kept smiling, but his gaze trailed down your face and focusing on your lips, for a split second only. You batted your eyelashes, not knowing what to do. Sh-Should I do anything? you thought. This will just make things awkward, probably. Oh goodness I messed up again, what am I supposed to do, I-

At this point you could feel his breath on your nose. He moved his hand to brush off some of your hair. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife, which made you panic even more. I gotta move, you thought, this will be way too weird in the long run, I should probably just cough or something or-

And then it happened. He moved just slightly towards you, closing the tiny gap that remained between the two of you. Your mind, while racing up until that point, was completely blank – no worry, no panic, just bliss. The kiss was shorter than you would’ve hoped for, yet still sweet, making you smile like a mad man, which in turn made his lips curve into a grin, as well.

Shayne was gently caressing your cheek. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by you initiating another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate than expected. He put one hand on the back of your neck and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer, while you held onto his shirt and neck. A few minutes later, you broke apart, neither of you able to stop smiling. You laid there for a few minutes, intertwined, without saying a word.

After some time, you tried to move, but Shayne’s embrace wouldn’t let you.

‘Shayne’, you called out. No response.

You looked up and saw him pretending to be asleep.

‘Shayne’, you repeated. No response. You tried wiggling out of his grip, but couldn’t. He started laughing, eyes still firmly shut.

You placed a kiss on his clavicle, which instantly made him open his eyes and look at you.

‘Wanna watch a movie?’ you asked.

‘Depends on what you got’, Shayne said, seemingly loosening his grip.

‘I’ve got whatever you want’, you beamed. ‘Well, I don’t, but the torrents do!’

‘”Space Jam” it is, woo!’ he exclaimed, throwing his arm in the air. You laughed and mimicked his ‘woo’.

‘Okay, I’ll go set it up, you refill our glasses and get the popcorn ready, there’s some in the cabinet.’

A few minutes later, everything was in order and you were huddled up on the sofa. The movie started playing and you immediately started commentating out loud, laughing. Neither of you said anything about what had happened, which was bound to backfire, but at the moment it seemed fine.

The file you had illegally downloaded was buffering quite a bit and you were really tired… I’ll close my eyes just for a few seconds, you thought.

And lo and behold, you fell asleep. As soon as he noticed, Shayne spent a few moments looking at you, wondering whether he should carry you to your bed or leave you be. He ended up choosing the latter, as your bed still contained the residue of a nuclear explosion that took place earlier. He tried to move, in search of a blanket, however, you fell asleep on him and he just didn’t have the heat to move you. Instead, he threw an arm around you and you got even comfier. Shayne lost track of time – for a certain period, he was just observing your serene expression, but he ended up falling asleep next to you.

Feedback is highly appreciated, hit up my inbox or leave a comment or sth, thanks. :3

[hoochy-coo]

Give us your take on reputation vs 1989.

MUSIC

1989: The singles were amazing with tons of radio appeal (with the exception of ‘Shake it Off’ and ‘Bad Blood’) but still remained memorable with witty lyricism. However, the album as a whole is very ‘meh�� to me - a couple of the b-sides are top-notch with serious replay value (I Know Places, Clean, Wonderland, New Romantic), and others are either juvenile or forgettable fillers (This Love, How You Get The Girls, All You Had To Do Was Stay, I Wish You Would). The highs are very high and the lows may as well be scrubbed from her discog lol

Reputation: Poor single choices with the exception of ‘End Game’ because while it may have not even be close to the best song on the album, it’s a goldmine of commercial success with both Future and Ed Sheeran as features. THE experimental album of her discog so far and the b-sides deserve more love. An interesting listen for a fan that’s been around from the beginning because it marks a point of musical evolvement (that we later saw regress with ‘ME!). Even if you don’t enjoy the music, you can find aspects of it to be intrigued by, such as torch-inspired vocals on ‘Don’t Blame Me’ or the full EDM explosion on ‘I Did Something Bad.’ 

Verdict: 1989 wins for singles and highlights but Reputation wins as an album.

VISUALS

1989: I don’t think anyone can deny the superiority that is the visuals of this era. The music video ‘Blank Space’ was glamorous but nevertheless, a satirical take on stereotypical aspects of modern music videos for female pop artists. Taylor was glammed up like a movie star but a screaming, crying mess which really captures the core message of the song. ‘Bad Blood’ was an epic concept in theory and executed well imo, however the actual song was written as a diss to another woman so the feminism marketing/message became pointless. ‘Style’ was a flop of a music video and a massive waste of the song since it’s such an underrated bop. ‘Wildest Dream’ was basically a mini Hollywood movie. ‘Out of the Woods’ didn’t even warrant a music video but she’s extra so she gave it to us anyway. Overall, we were flooded with content and they were all quality. 

Reputation: Let me start this off by saying that I detest LWYMMD as a song but visually, it was um...amazing. She also kept with the theme of ‘humbling’ herself that we saw with ‘Blank Space’ by poking fun at her own image with all the snake symbolism and adding a line-up of Taylor from each eras to the end of the music video, while also attacking Kim K with that ‘receipts’ jab. Petty? Yes. Entertaining? 100%. ‘...Ready For It?’ was a cringe-fest (we had Taylor trying to act tough for 3-4 mins) and I like to pretend it never happened. ‘Delicate’ was ok but nothing special - the dancing was quirky but that’s about it. The music video for ‘End Game,’  just like the actual song, is overlooked by the fandom. It’s a fun music video of her partying with her friends, she’s drinking and dancing seductively with the girls without doing too much (ala LWYMMD). She actually looked comfortable doing the choreo in the video, which proved to me that she could have pulled off a sleek, alluring era but shot herself in the foot by starting it off with a very aggressive brand of sexy.

Verdict: 1989 wins, obviously.

STYLE

1989: We get it, this is her 80s era but did we have to suffer through that much embellishments, sparkles, metallic skirts and glittery cropped bomber jackets? Everything looked cheap, like she sent her stylists to a local craft store and asked them to superglue gemstones onto clothes she got from Target. Also, the tour costumes have no correlation to the style she presented in any of the music videos from that era?! Justice to that matching-plaid set she wore on tour though!

Reputation: Throw the rainbow Atlantic City-inspired halter dress out and we had an era full of excellent styling. Taylor gave us strong shoulders, sleek silhouette, and a bunch of different texture to keep the outfits interesting despite most of it being black. The tailoring was impeccable, all the pieces looked like they fit her to perfection and it was sexy but in the most tasteful way. I despised her hair during this era but the fashion was so great that I overlook it. Also, I can’t believe I’m saying this but can we get Taylor in more Balmain?

Verdict: Reputation wins. The bejeweled rompers from the 1989 tour need to be set on fire.

PROMO

1989: Taylor was insufferable during this era, and whenever we had enough and tried to look the other way, she was there too. She didn’t give us a chance to have a break from her and constantly bombarded us with her cats, her pap runs, her faux girl squad, and the constant reminder that ‘GUYS, THIS SONG IS ABOUT HARRY STYLES.’ I don’t think we had one day without at least two headlines about Taylor, whether it’s about which new friend she just initiated into her squad or which colour she painted her nails. It was so extra, so contrived, and at the time, I thought it was never going to end lmao. With that being said, this era showed us just exactly how far Taylor was willing to go for that Grammy. This era also cemented her as one of the biggest pop stars to have emerged from our generation and grant her a pass for eternal relevancy in pop culture. And then everything fell apart when the gp got a bad case of Taylor fatigue lol. Either way, we’re probably not going to get another pop era that big or impactful for a very long time so we should appreciate the gradeur of it all.

Reputation: This was supposed to be her triumphant comeback. She’s back to drag KimYe and “own” her snake image. She revolved a whole era around vengeance but she gave such mix messages - half the time she was still pointing the fingers at her enemies and the other half was spent making excuses. It didn’t come off as an authentic era of her evolving or letting things go. Literally, nothing went to plan. LWYMMD flopped (by her standards, especially as a follow up to 1989 anyway) and album sales were a disappointment to her and her team. Did Taylor even promote this era much? She went on a few late-night shows, performed at iHeartRadio and some award events but that’s all I remember. I’ve said this gazillion times before and I’ll say it again, the biggest issue with the promo is that she picked the wrong singles to send to radio. It’s her sexy era, she had about 4-5 mature track on the album and decided to not promote any of them. It didn’t make sense. However, I’ll give credit where credit is due - the rollout for LWYMMD was very smart (wiping her IG clean and posting that 10 secs clip of a snake slithering around) and it got the internet very hyped so kudos for the single. If only the song was quality...

Verdict: 1989 reigns supreme over every era. This isn’t even up for discussion

In conclusion, 1989 is the better era and inarguably, the more memorable one but I prefer Reputation music-wise. 1989, as an album, has little replay value to me. Whether it’s because her music was everywhere the year the album dropped so I’ve had enough of it for a lifetime or because I can’t stand ‘Welcome to New York,’ I’m not sure.  In a twisted, these two eras share one thing in common: inauthenticity (although in a completely different way). Reputation was like one big warped apology tour where Taylor was “sorry but not sorry.” It was her chance to tell her side of the story after the public ‘cancelled’ her but her petty need to have the last word on all the beef and drama made this era a hard sell. 1989, of course, was inauthentic in a sense that Taylor basically bent herself out of shape to find her most marketable self.

[reaper-botherer]

Hey there fellow meihem-lovers! I broached the subject a while back and just thought that I’d remind everyone that the forces of the universe have aligned so that Australia Day and Chinese New Year happen within a few days of one another - making it the perfect time for a meihem mini event!

When: For those of you interested in participating, it’ll be running from Thursday 26th January (Australia Day) to Saturday 28th January (Chinese New Year).

What: All kinds of fan-made content are welcome whether they’re fics, art, edits, fanmixes, audio, cosplays, and more!

The key theme for this event is Culture Sharing, including events, festivals, cuisine, dress, customs, decorations, fireworks, and whatever else you can think of!

Who: This is primarily a meihem event but ot3/total meiham content is most welcome and meiham shippers can feel free to use the ideas listed above, too!

How: Just upload content as you normally would to your blog on the dates mentioned above. In addition to your normal tags, feel free to add #meihemminievent to your post!

I’m aware that the meihem fanbook deadline is approaching and that many of you will also be working on your secret cupid assignments, so don’t feel pressured to create something if you can’t - this is all just for fun! <3

disclaimer: considering that Australia Day is based upon the settlement of British colonisers in Australia, you’re free to imagine that Junkrat hates this holiday (especially if you believe that Mako is of aboriginal descent) or that it’s evolved into something a bit more respectful in the future timeline that Overwatch takes place in! You may also want to focus more on culture sharing aspects and less on the holidays in question - do what feels right for you!

[bananashemmo]

Imagination

A/N: This one is inspired by the song Imagination by Shawn Mendes from his album ‘Handwritten’. It’s my favorite song of his so automatically I started building up this story after hearing the song for the first time :-) x

Pairing: Y/N/Ashton

Rating: All

Request: No

Words: 10.000+

Summary: Even after 19 years of falling in and out of love Ashton still can’t tell whether his feelings for his childhood best friend Y/N are reality or just a stupid imagination

If it wasn’t for the fact that he felt the whole ball room seemed to light up by the single glance he gave towards the entrance, he would have been more interested in his feet and the glass of bobbling light pink champagne. 

Voices were crowding around his ears with different conversions but he wasn’t taking part in any of them, settling down with furrowing his eyebrows and barely believing his eyes. 

He wasn’t even supposed to look over at the direction towards the entrance that lead down to the large white stairs that were decorated in golden and silver garlands. It was simply a coincidence; a coincidence that he wished didn’t happen because now he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. 

The navy blue dress she was wearing was simple, yet she made it work her body perfectly. Tight just like she preferred it to show her curves but still elegant and didn’t show too much skin. It stood out completely from others, she broke the little black dress curse. 

He wanted to take a deep breath and shake the thoughts off, looking back at his escort for the night, a chestnut brown haired beauty named Mia. She had all the things he looked for in a girl if not more. 

She was intelligent, had the right looks for his preferences and besides, she was so talkative and optimistic like him. 

But no matter how far he tried to catch up with her conversation, breaking in with a hum or eyes widening when he caught himself zoning out, his eyes were completely fixed on her. 

How she was looking down at her feet to make sure she wouldn’t trip over the stairs and neither on her dress, a hand placed neatly on the staircase to make sure nothing major would happen. 

She had always had this clumsy persona who seemed to trip over the easiest things, but he always thought it was a cute feature of hers. 

No, he didn’t want to think that. 

He didn’t want to think she was cute and he roughly shook his head again, accidentally knocking out a few curls he had tried to trap into one big mess with his hair spray. 

Safe to say he needed a haircut as soon as the New Year would approach. 

A small hum came from his lips out of nowhere, he wasn’t even sure Mia had said anything. All the voices seemed to crowd into one and it was his own begging for him to not look over at her direction again because if he did, his eyes would be stuck on her for the rest of the night. 

He was aware she was showing up, seeing her accept on Facebook was enough in general. His best friends had already pointed it out beforehand, but as always, he shrugged it off completely. 

He had done for years but just the sight of her seemed to make all his emotions come back at once. He had no control. 

The feelings he had been blocking out and sworn under his breath he would lock up into some old closet and never let them escape seemed to unlock itself by the source of his arching heart.

In the mix of thoughts trying to tie up loose ends and pushing away the past, he hadn’t taken notice of the male escort running down the stairs towards her and hurried to put a black glittery shawl over her bare shoulders. 

Of course she was with someone else, how could he be so dumb to believe that she would show up on her own. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise, he shouldn’t be feeling like this because it had been nearly 90% of his life she had been doing that. 

He couldn’t accept it anymore, he needed to move on. But Y/N took away Ashton’s breath and even after so many times, the stab in the heart was as painful as the first. 

- 3 Years Old - 

The first time they met seemed like ages ago, it felt like ages ago but just by thinking back he remembered the day like it happened 24 hours ago. 

Ashton was sitting lonely by the sandpit with a yellow tractor in his hand, switching between digging holes and putting sand above his head. He knew that his mom would be mad when finding sand in his small blond curls, but for now he enjoyed the peace.

All the other boys were running around on the small green area with a football, laughing and screaming weird things with each other.

He wanted to join, he really did, but Ashton had never been great with football and he always feared they would think he was weird. Even from that age their interest was much different and sports besides swimming wasn’t his ideal thing.

Sometimes he just wanted to stand up and say, “Hey, I want to be a part of this as well.” but it was always an imagination. He couldn’t dare to do it and it was weird because he felt he was a very talkative boy. 

He remembered once where he decided to join and it evolved in a black eye. The others thought it was fun but Ashton couldn’t see the amusing in it, and rather wanted to settle down on the small sandbox placed in the middle of the kindergarten.

It was his safe place, it was where he preferred to be. He had a full view of everything that was going on, seeing the boys run around on the left side and the girls play inside of the red and blue houses by the end of the sandbox.

Once he had also asked if he could be a part of their play but once he figured out they were playing the typical family thing and he was supposed to play their dog pet, he backed away and fell back to his corner.

He knew that the pedagogues were slightly worried about him, some even came up to check and make sure. But every time they suggested something, if he wanted to go back and do some outside painting or play with chalk he declined politely. 

“I gotta dig a hole. My mom says if I dig enough I will end up in America.”

It was the same answer every time, and the more he said it the more enthusiastic he became. He loved having goals in his life, achievements that he could follow in order to have success. 

This was like any other day at the kindergarten, the summer warm and the sun streaming down on his face. But when a shadow casted over him his attention drifted away from his beloved tractor.

“You know you’re not supposed to eat the sand right?” A girl questioned confused as if he was odd, she was wearing a nice light pink summer hat with a bellis on it. 

Ashton stopped in track from putting sand between his finger and into his mouth, it had become such a habit he wasn’t aware of it. 

She gave him a small smile and planted her bum down on the sand as well, feeling how it was warm from the sun and crossed her pink thigh covered tights. 

“My mum says it’s not very healthy, you can end up with a bad tummy.” 

“My mum says that too.” He agreed, tongue sticking out when he actually realized what it tasted off. Nothing else but ocean and a hint of dirt, making him spit down into the sand and she laughed loudly. 

“You’re funny. I like people who make me laugh.” 

Ashton’s eyes grew twice their size by her comment. It was the first time he had made someone laugh that wasn’t from his family, and he once again pretended to spit out some sand to see if it worked. 

She giggled loudly, head falling back in reaction and her hands clapping together. It made a feeling of joy bobble up in Ashton’s stomach and he looked down at the sand again considering whether or not to put some more into his mouth just for a bit more amusement.

“No weird boy don’t eat it I just told you.” She reached out to grab his hand before he could put it any near his mouth, their eyes meeting and he swore he could compare them to crystals. 

“My name is Ashton.” He said a bit insulted, not that he wanted to make her sad but he rather wanted to be called by his name than that. 

“Ashton, don’t eat the sand!” She corrected with wide eyes, doing motions with her hands and stood up from the sand to dust it away from her clothes. 

He watched her still with the sand in his hand and lips parted but no words seemed to come out. He sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t leave him already, she was the first out here that actually came up to him instead of it being reversed. 

“Where are you going? And what is your name?” He let go of his tractor and stood up from the sand, squeezing his eyes by the sun shining down at him. 

“I made this grass mini yard for some ladybirds that I’ve caught over by the bushes. They are literally everywhere but they constantly escape so I try to get them again. One of them flied over here but once I saw you I lost it.” 

She pointed towards the green bushes by the many trees by the end of the kindergarten, it wasn’t many kids that wanted to play around here but Ashton could already feel from their first meeting that she was different. 

“Come on.” She encouraged impatient, not wanting to wait for an answer from him because she had already settled her mind with that he was going to be a part of her little secret.

“But you never told me your name.” Ashton disagreed and rushed towards her small form, even if she was a little girl with short legs she was definitely a fast one. 

“Maybe if we become better friends I will tell you.” She giggled over her shoulder, happy that he wanted to be a part of it and disappeared into one of the bushes, having Ashton right in his heels.

He was completely wrapped around her finger from their first moment and it continued. 

- 7 Years Old - 

The more time Ashton spent with her, the more he felt happy and alive. It didn’t take longer than the pedagogues to call them in for lunch that he learned her name after sharing his cherry tomatoes.

Y/N it was, so easy to remember and a name that he knew not everyone around his group of friends were sharing. He could feel from that moment that they were committed and they shared every single day at the kindergarten together.

It all seemed to be a blurry memory when Ashton thought back, his eyes scanning the cartoon book in front of him and heard a deep sigh in the back.

“Can we do something else? We’ve been reading the same page for almost 10 minutes now I’m getting bored.” 

His tongue rested between his lips in thought. He looked over at Y/N to see her pout, she never had the patience to do the same thing for more than just a split second.

“What do you wanna do then? Mum says we should make homework soon, we need to learn about the vowels in the alphabet.” He was always the one to remember because Y/N constantly pushed it to the back of their minds.

“How about we go make a blanket fort? Then you can read your boring book and I will protect us from the weird alphabet that the teachers constantly want us to learn!” 

A huge sigh came from Ashton’s lips, he really wanted to but he also wanted to be done. His mother had always taught him to be loyal and well-behaved, but Y/N always fished out the rebel in him. 

“Come on Ash.” She pleaded, pouting her lips just like she knew would become his weakness and stared up at him with puppy eyes.

“Fine.” He coughed lightly and jumped down from his blue office chair that his mum had gotten him along with a desk after starting in school.

Y/N excitedly cheered in the air and hurried towards his bed, finding all the pillows she could reach out for and sprawled them on the floor. He decided to push the chair towards the window and found a huge blanket under his bed, using it as the roof of the fort. 

“I have some fairy lights from my baby sister’s room that we can use.” He suggested when she crawled inside with his sheets, poking his head inside but she was quick up in his face.

“We need a code word!” She almost whispered, their noses bumping together.

“I uh-,” Ashton nervously said and looked down at his fingers, he didn’t know if he was supposed to come up with something or guess. 

“Yellow tractor.” She helped, holding the palm of her hands against the corners of her mouth to make sure that not even his mother would hear through the thin walls.

“Yellow tractor.” Ashton nodded his head in confirm, too confused at first to remember what he was supposed to do. He bit down on his lip and watched her face, just by her eyes sparkling he remembered and rushed out of his room to get the lights. 

He purposely made sure to whisper the code word the second he was back again, sticking his head inside and smiled when Y/N was sitting with one of his many cartoon series, eyebrows furrowing and scanning the pages. 

After hanging up the lights on his chair he grabbed his own magazine and leaned back at one of the pillows, letting the silence take over.

Even at that age they didn’t need to talk all the time. Sometimes when they would be reading Ashton would request Y/N to read aloud if she hadn’t suggested that herself. They enjoyed the comfortable silence that they created from being so used to each other.

If it wasn’t Ashton showing up at her house after school it would be her coming up after dinner. They always had tons of playing to do, they always had something in their minds that they just couldn’t do alone. 

They needed each other for everything that came along on the path of life, the small stages were something to remember and Ashton worth shipped every moment of it. 

“I had a dream about us.” He didn’t know if he was supposed to say it but he really wanted to. It was a dream that had occurred in his mind on repeat for a few days. He wondered if it was actually something real. 

“What did you dream?” She tore her eyes away from the cartoons to look at him.

“It was about us. Do you ever dream that?” He leaned his chin on top of the palm of his hand, pressing it against his pillow and looked at her with a quivered eyebrow. 

“All the time!” She smiled back and he felt how his heart was fluttering. 

“I always dream that we’re in some kind of danger and that we need to save each other. It’s almost as if it switches by every dream I go through. Last night I saved you from a fire spitting dragon, maybe tomorrow I’m gonna save you from an electricity monster like the orange one from Scooby Doo?” 

A frown came to Ashton’s face by her rambles, not because he was sad but because it was not exactly what he meant. 

He had been dreaming about the two of them as older. How they were walking together hand in hand by the beach, watching the waves crash ashore and the sun warm in the faces from the horizon. 

It was a moment that he loved and he hadn’t even gotten the chance to experience it. He could still remember how their hands had been intertwined, but it wasn’t the same way as when they would walk hand in hand during school trips. 

It was filled with love and passion, something Ashton had kept dearly in his warm heart but never expressed. 

“You know I will always save you in my dreams, right?” She suddenly said and pulled him out from his zoned thoughts.

He was confused as to what she meant but then he remembered the dragon story and a small smile came to his face. They had definitely been playing too many video games together but it was always Ashton losing, Y/N was always the winner and not just because he was letting her. 

“I will always save you too Y/N. Always and forever. You are my best friend.” 

She smiled in affection by her words, showing the small space between her front teeth that had fallen out during recess in school. He had been there when it all happened totally amazed because they were allowed to leave to go to the dentist for help. 

“You know what we should do?” She questioned seconds later after been thinking.

“What now?” He lifted an eyebrow and let go of his cartoon completely to move himself up in the small fort.

“We should prove our true friendship by sharing blood! I’ve heard the others talk about it at school and I think we should do it as well!”

“But why?” Ashton questioned confused, flashing images of blood everywhere and his mother passing out in case she would walk in and see what they would be doing to themselves.

“Because it means we will be best friends forever. Don’t you want to be that?” 

He almost felt a gutted feeling in his stomach by her question, there was no doubt in his mind that he never not wanted to be that. Y/N was the only person who understood him and the only one he could never truly become tired of. 

He didn’t have to say anything to show his confirm and once again Y/N excitedly made a noise and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. 

His heart was pounding loudly by the affection and she pulled away too soon for his liking to head out of the fort and found something to cut with. He could still conclude that she was in his room because of her humming and within seconds she was back again after saying the code word.

“I just took a scissor, it doesn’t have to be a big cut. We just need to share a drop of blood each.” 

She was never the one to be afraid, danger was her middle name. She easily placed the blade of the scissor into her pointing finger, waiting until a small scratch and been formed and gave it to him.

He almost felt as if panic went through his body because he had no idea how to do it. Should he just tell already that he was completely scared and thought he was fearful of blood because just by watching her finger he felt dizzy.

“Come on Ashton before your mum shows up!” She encouraged. 

That made him take action a lot quicker, images of his mum walking in flashing before his eyes and he pressed the scissor against the skin of his finger too forcefully.

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise by the blood dripping out from his finger fast, the cut was much deeper than hers and she could see that he was in secret pain.

“Repeat after me.” She hurried so he wouldn’t have to suffer that much.

“We will be best friends until we’re old and senile.”

“What does senile mean-,”

“Not now Ashton!”

“Okay okay. We will be best friends until we’re old and senile.”

She pressed their fingers together and gave them a light squeeze, feeling how she was shaking in pain and hurried out again towards his toilet. 

There was no way his mother wouldn’t be noticing this, he had managed to spill blood on his sheets and claiming it would be nose bleed wouldn’t work out that well. 

“Here’s some toilet paper, that might help.” She had made sure to put some water on it and wrapped it around his finger, making sure that none of it was leaking out before she took a patch and made it ready for him.

He watched her carefully clenching off the rest of the blood, wrapped the patch around his finger and made sure to give it a small kiss for it to heal faster.

A huge smile came to his face despite the pain in his finger so much that his dimple was showing and Y/N looked up at him with curious eyes but smiled as well in affection. 

“Why are you so happy it must be hurtful?”

“Because now we’re bestiest friends forever.” 

- 12 Years Old - 

Truth was, that stayed with them. As they grew older they grew closer to each other if that was even possible.

Where Y/N was, was Ashton and where Ashton was, was Y/N.

They were the only ones who stayed true to each other, they were the only ones at their school who had been friends throughout all the years.

Of course they also talked with a few others, Y/N had a girl group of hers that she always hung around with in the classes that Ashton wasn’t in and reversed. Ashton had his friends from his music class that he hung out with from time to time when Y/N would be doing some of her after school activities. 

The older they got the more they learned more about themselves and that was also so important to their friendship. They didn’t have a barrier that sometimes seemed to ruin it, or not what they knew of.

There were no secrets, there was no back stabbing when the other wasn’t there. They never wanted to make each other sad and when they did it wasn’t on purpose. They were each other’s rocks and friends around the school knew they were inseparable. 

Ashton could always tell when something was wrong with her, she didn’t have to say anything. He could read it through her mimics, the way she would uncomfortably advert her eyes to her feet and barely flick a muscle.

It was one of those nights where he noticed it, the way she was sitting with her legs crossed on one of the dark wooden chairs in one of their friend’s living rooms. 

They had been excited for this night, it wasn’t always they were invited for birthdays but this one was special because it was a shared friend of theirs from their English class. 

They had dressed nicely, followed each other to the place and enjoyed a delightful dinner. There was even red soda, something they both enjoyed in silence and secret when they would sneak into Y/N’s basement and found some in one of the old fridge without allowance. 

But after the dessert had been served and a few games had been played between the whole crowd, this new game seemed to have bad affection on Y/N.

Ashton had been a part of it before, it wasn’t that big of a deal to him but he could tell that she was uncomfortable. 

“Do you want to go out and talk for a second?” He whispered in her ear ever so quietly so the others wouldn’t hear. 

She didn’t say anything but looked up at him with a small frown, nodding her head in agreement and stood up from her chair along with him. They sneaked themselves out of the living and into the hallway that also lead to the kitchen, the faint sound of adults cleaning plates and talking. 

“What’s up?” He crossed his arms and remained his tone sweet.

“I don’t feel like playing.” She mumbled a bit embarrassed and he furrowed his eyebrows curious.

“How come?” 

She seemed unsure and looked down at her feet. She was debating with herself whether or not to tell him but it was Ashton. She always told him everything, even the embarrassing things in life. 

“I don’t want to play spin the bottle becaus-, Because I’ve never kissed a guy before Ashton and I don-, I don’t want it to be weird or have them call me weird.” 

She seemed really bad about the situation and Ashton felt the need to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to his chest. There was no way she should be feeling like that, it was okay that not everyone had had their first kiss yet.

“I just really want to part of it because everyone else is, you know?” She looked like someone who mentally wanted to kick herself, eyes glancing over her shoulder to look into the living room of happy kids. 

“I have an idea.” He suddenly announced, he hadn’t thought it through and his eyes widened in reaction to his own idea.

“What?” She asked curiously.

He became quiet, unsure of how to tell her. Maybe it was too dumb she would think, worst case she would laugh at him. But he felt this was his only shot, this was maybe something that would make her happy.

“We can kiss. From that you won’t have to go through the embarrassment and it will be with someone who actually means something to you instead of worrying about someone else showing up to do it.”

The words floated out of his mouth at once especially by the way she had widened her eyes in reaction. She wasn’t saying anything but neither was she backing away so he took that as a good sign.

“You want us to kiss? Wouldn’t that be a bit weird-,”

“No, of course yes it would Y/N just-, I mean. Just forget about my suggestion it was in fact weird.” He tried to settle with backing away himself but his breath hitched in his throat when she shook her head and took a step forward.

“That is the sweetest thing you could ever do to me, Ashton.”

He felt his heart beating so fast it felt like it was resting in his throat, his fingers shaking and tapping nervously against his thighs. 

She leaned forward just as he did, the two of them pretty confused as what to do but once they locked lips, they gave each other a small peck and instantly removed. 

The blush on his face couldn’t compare to anything else, not even hers. She was looking down at her feet still wide eyes, not really knowing what to say than nervously giggle. 

It had only lasted for a second but Ashton wished it had been more. He wanted to feel her touch again, there was something about the whole situation that made his stomach erupt with butterflies and his toes tickle. 

He was completely frozen. So frozen that he didn’t hear her encourage him to go back in, settling with doing it herself when she wasn’t getting any answer and looked over her  shoulder with a small smile playing on her lips.

From that moment Ashton felt that he was introduced to what was actually going on in his life. What he had been feeling for years without actually having any words to describe what he was feeling.

He was madly in love with Y/N. 

- 16 years old - 

It felt as if everything was crashing onto Ashton at once. 

Mixed up with his torn feelings towards the girl that had been his best friends from when he was little he was also struggling with other things. 

Trying to stay in school with the sudden change of being introduced to high school along with puberty hitting hard, but also being the ambitious guy he was. He had so many things going on at once sometimes the only thing that seemed to help was to sit in his tank top and play hardly against his drums. 

But tonight his attire was changed for the occasion. 

“Could everyone just stand a little closer together, this is beautiful!” His mother commented with a camera in her hand, both trying to focus on the group of friends he had invited for the evening but also keeping an eye on his younger siblings. 

“Come on, Y/N.” He encouraged and reached his arm out in invitation, “It’s just for a few pictures. Austin will be here soon I’m sure.” 

She seemed to ease up by his words, the frown on her face becoming less noticeable and a small smile came to her face by the affection of his. 

She had been depressed throughout the whole night but it wasn’t a wonder to anyone. She didn’t want to believe that she had been stood up but her prom date Austin still hadn’t showed up at Ashton’s house.

It had him fuming, something he kept to himself and tried hardly not to express to the others. 

How could someone do this to her? She had been looking excitedly for this night for weeks hell he even remembered her talking about it back in middle school! Showing up at prom without a partner when you thought you would was like the hardest ice to break.

She was sad, it had been obvious on her despite her trying not to show it. But trying to stay that secret for Ashton was nonsense, he saw right through her. 

He was never really the guy to become that angry, mostly he was the smiling guy without any problems in the world. But just to think that someone would do something like that to her, to his best friend. It hurt worse than getting kicked in the nuts. 

She deserved everything in life, especially this evening. He had heard her talk about it for weeks, discussing what dress to wear and they were only Freshmen’s! It meant so much to her and by one idiot ruining that for her he couldn’t let it happen.

“I’m sure he will show up soon.” He comforted when the pictures were finally over, feeling spots on his eyelids in various colors by the constant blitz. 

“You sure?” She pouted softly, fiddling with one of her curls that had been completely sprayed in hair spray in order to not get ruined during the evening. 

“I’m sure.” He confirmed, a small smile on his lips to show that it was true but in the end he had absolutely no idea. He wanted to fix this mess, he wanted her to be happy so he hurried to turned around fast to approach one of his friends.

“Steward, you gotta help me!” He exclaimed and pulled the dark haired away from the rest of the crowd and into his kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Steward questioned confused and a hand through his straightened hair. Both he and Ashton had been working on that all noon to make sure they both would be looking good for tonight. 

“You gotta help me out! Please if you could, could you follow Amber to the dance instead of me? I know that you think having a partner is ridiculous but I don’t want her to go alone.”

“Aren’t you Amber’s escort? Don’t you want to show up?” The confusion was clear in both Steward’s expression and voice, trying to solve the mystery in his mind. 

“Yes, yes I am and yes I’m still going I just really need to switch partners because…” He paused in track and looked out of the living room door that was still open, his eyes falling upon her.

She had curls of hair in front of her face, the frown trying to be hidden but every time she wasn’t talking with anyone it embraced her face. She was distancing herself from everyone despite saying that she was alright, but what else could she answer? 

“I need to help out Y/N.” Ashton spoke more quietly in order or her not to hear, looking over at Steward with a serious expression. 

“Austin stood her up once again and even though I’ve tried so many times to tell her that she shouldn’t go with him, she said yes when he asked! And now when he hasn’t showed up and most probably won’t she will be completely devastated and having to watch us dance while she will be sipping on nonalcoholic red wine!” 

“So you want to stand in for Austin?” Steward questioned just to be sure and pointed at him for confirmation.

Ashton sighed softly to himself, he really hadn’t thought this through. Yes he wanted to do everything in his power to make her happy, there was no doubt that he wanted to switch out Amber for Y/N. She had only been her second choice anyways, Austin came before him. 

“Yes, I want to stand in for Austin. That’s why I’m literally begging you to take out Amber instead because I can’t have two sad girls tonight. If we do this carefully everyone will be happy in the end and that’s what I really want.” 

He looked back at Steward with confirmation in his face. This was what he wanted, every time Y/N was talking about prom he wanted to do it with her.

Hold her hand gently and lead her into the massive gym that had changed into something beautiful for the evening, leading her to the table of champagne and clink their glasses together.

He wanted to take her out on the dance floor and swing them around, letting that beautifully dress of hers twirl to the beat of the band playing in the background and hearing her happy giggles. He wanted to be prom king with her as his prom queen, something freshmen never really experienced but he wanted that for her. 

“Okay fine Irwin, I will do it for you this one time.” Steward nodded his head in confirm with his lips pursed. 

It felt as if Ashton’s heart skipped a beat by his words, finally he could make her happy. He could already imagine her smiling all over her face by his words, that for once he would finally get acknowledged of how much he actually cared for her. 

“Thank you so so much I cannot express how grateful I am of you.” He was quick to shake Steward’s hand politely who barely getting a word said before Ashton rushed towards the door but stopped in track. 

“Honey hurry up the taxi is here to pick you up.” His mother rushed excitedly, doing motions with her hands but Ashton could only see it in the corner of his eye. 

His eyes were fixed on something he’d rather be left without. The way she was standing with her arms excitedly over Austin who seemed completely breathless, his hair all matted down from the rain outside but she didn’t care.

Since when had he showed up? He couldn’t recall hearing the door open but he had been so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn’t registered anything. 

The only thing he had been registering was how his heart was arching so hard for love because no matter what, his love for her would only be an imagination. 

“Man, I’m sorry.” Steward placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, an apologizing smile on his face Ashton didn’t have to explain himself.

Steward was one of the only people actually knowing what was going on inside of his head. He didn’t have to explain anything to show that no matter what he would never get the girl of his dreams.

“If you want we can just go upstairs and play some guitar and drums if you’d like? You know I’ve never really liked proms anyway-,”

“No.” Ashton responded and swallowed thickly. “This is how it’s supposed to be. I just have to suck everything through.” 

He couldn’t look at her because seeing her happiness with someone else tore him apart. The way she was looking up at Austin was supposed to be him, every single thing that made her happy was supposed to be about him. 

He needed to brush off those thoughts, it hadn’t come to his attention before now.

He needed to stop seeing them in his dreams, he needed to stop believing that they actually become a thing. Y/N would never actually realize his love for her and maybe that was so much better than the other things going on in his mind. 

He could never get himself to say the words he wanted to say to her. 

- 18 years old - 

It was the hardest thing Ashton ever had to do. 

Trying to forget everything, trying to erase all the memories and start new ones. He had to push his feelings back, he needed to sort out his life and stop daydreaming about something that was never supposed to happen.

It wasn’t on purpose that they were supposed to distance themselves away from each other, it happened eventually.

They went to the same school, had a few classes together but after that night before prom it felt as if it would never become the same again. He wasn’t speaking to her the same way he had done before, he wasn’t as dedicated to the friendship anymore.

He wanted to, it was like a knot forming in his stomach constantly but he never allowed himself to feel that pain of love anymore.

New interests came up, excited things that he needed to focus on instead. He had Luke, Calum and Michael to focus on. So many things were prepared for years to come and he realized that sooner than later he would have to take a decision he still hadn’t done anything about yet.

Telling her would be the hardest part. 

His room was completely filled with mess scattered everywhere, on his drum kit, around his desk, on his bed and mostly on the floor. His mother never believed that he could clear it up but he had to because sooner than later it all would be gone. 

The time was striking 1 A.M and he could hear the rain fall against his window that was still open. It was hot this evening and he was still not done with packing yet.

Luke had occasionally texted him throughout the night, mostly because his mother was more strict than him and wanted to make sure that they would all be on time at the airport. 

He was excited there was no doubt. They all were and it was bobbling around their social medias. Some knew what was going on, some had heard the radio or seem the small shoutout they had gotten on Twitter. 

To him it finally seemed that happiness had found him, it wasn’t reversed. 

“Ashton, someone’s here for you.” His mother suddenly opened the door, eyes tired and her blond hair sticking different direction. She was wearing a light pink bathrobe to hide her nightgown and she removed herself so he could walk out of his bedroom.

Confusion was written on his face he had no idea who it was. Maybe it was Calum to make sure he had packed enough drum sticks but it wasn’t that it wasn’t possible to buy that in another country.

Opening the door fully to see who it was his confusion was replaced with so many emotions at once. At first even more confusion, heartache, frustration but then curiosity. 

“Y/N?” He almost couldn’t let the name fall past from his lips and he removed himself from the door quickly to let her in.

“What’s going on?”

“I think Austin cheated on me.” She said ever so quietly, she wasn’t crying but he could tell by the way her eyes were puffy that she had and that she was also on the verge of doing it again.

“No way.” He commented in a soft tone, leading her past his mother with an apologizing expression on his face and lead her into his bedroom.

He noticed how she was looking around for a short second, it wasn’t the mess that was creating that expression but what was in fact going on. He waited with explanation himself and lead her to his bed to take a seat down. 

“What do you mean you think Austin has been cheating on you? Do you have any witnesses or did you see it yourself?” 

“I uh-,” She paused to take a deep breath and grabbed her phone, “I think I saw it over Snapchat on a Mystory from one of the others from high school. It might not be him but it sure as hell looks like it and I don’t know how to confront him with it.” 

Y/N opened the application and pressed play on the video she had seen, giving Ashton the phone and let him watch.

He felt how he lost his breath and his temper started to boil. The way it was faint to see who it was didn’t matter, Ashton could see that it was Austin and that bastard shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that. 

“Did you text him or something?” He questioned with a quivered eye and tried to remain calm. She was so fragile and so devastated she didn’t deserve any of his anger. 

“I left him a few messages over Facebook and he has seen them but I’m not sure how to interpret that without any answers..” 

She hiccupped softly but still no tears. She was holding them in just as hard as he was holding in his anger, it was horrible witnessing. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell that if she was with someone like him he would never ever do something like that to her. 

Never. 

“What is going on in here?” She changed the subject carefully and looked around.

He lost his breath again but this time it was so different. The way she was looking at him told that he wouldn’t get out of this before he had to explain himself, she needed to know the truth now when he had the chance.

“I’m moving to London.” 

“What?” It came out quick but not with any force, her voice was so soft but still confused. 

“Yeah uh-,” He paused to take a deep breath and looked down at his fiddled hands. 

“The boys and I-, you know. Calum, Michael and Luke, we have this band that we’ve shared once or twice on Facebook and now we’ve made this deal with some producers to come write some songs in London. We are leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning? And you never planned telling me this?” She was still not upset but he could tell that he had definitely taken her mind of Austin for a second. 

“Of course I did Y/N it has just been really hard you know? To leave everything behind after finishing high school, trust me it is one of the hardest thing for me to do! To leave my family behind, to leave behind friends but also to leave behind you!” 

The last part wasn’t supposed to come out as loud as it was but it did and he couldn’t change it. It was how he was feeling, it was how he was struggling and no matter what Ashton would never not feel the same about her. 

“It’s just a really big opportunity for us and I sincerely hope you understand. You know how much music means to me and for how long I’ve been dreaming about this.” 

He gently reached out to take her hand, he just wanted to feel her for one last time. Luckily she didn’t pull away and neither looked down with some sort of grimace. She kept her eyes on him the whole time. 

“I really feel that this could turn out into something big.” 

She nodded her head softly. Of course she understood, she had just wished he would have told her sooner. He wanted to, god how he just wanted to tell her to come with her and enjoy the busy streets of London but he never felt as if the time was there to do it. 

“You gotta uh-, You have to take a photography of one of those red phone booths.” A wide smile came to her face by her words, seeing how it was affecting him as well and he nodded his head in agreement. 

Silence fell upon the room and it was a nice one. For a long time he didn’t feel that it was awkward to be around her and he could feel the buzzing feeling of having her hands in his. He never wanted to let go again. 

He wanted to ask her if she wanted to say goodbye to him tomorrow. He knew it would be early, probably around ten but he still wanted to ask if she wanted to show up. 

Just for a final goodbye before he would have to lean but still hopefully come back after a few months.

“Oh my god he texted back.” She suddenly exclaimed and tore her hand away from his to use both on her phone, furrowing her eyebrows to read his message.

“Thank fucking god he says it isn’t him and that he was at hockey practice that evening.” She sighed in relief and ran a hand through her hair, “And he also suggests that I can show up tomorrow morning at his house for brunch with his family. Isn’t he wonderful, Ash?” 

It was like his world crashing together again. He had literally just picked up the pieces of his broken heart to let them fall back onto his carpet and shatter even further. 

It was a horrible feeling but he had to suck it in and pretend that it would never bother him.

“Yeah,” He paused to take a deep breath and looked down at his empty hand. 

“He really is a wonderful guy.” 

- 20 years old - 

“Ash, you’re starring again.”

Looking away with eyebrows furrowed his lips parted but no words fell past from his lips. He kept on staring at Calum who only shrugged his shoulder and drank the last bit of champagne and placed it on the table right next to him.

“I wasn’t staring.” He highly disagreed, shrugging off whatever feeling he had weighting on his shoulders and looked over at Calum. 

But in fact, Ashton knew exactly what he was doing. It had only lasted fifteen minutes at the high school reunion for him to find her in the crowd, dancing along with a few others in her old graduation cap.

This was such a stupid night, he had wished he never showed up in the first place.

Sure, it was nice seeing a few familiar faces and got the chance to use Calum as his escort. It was fun at first, he greeted a few people who also congratulated him on the band but now the only place he wanted to be was back in his old bedroom. 

“Come on, let’s have a fun night out instead of this pouting. The guys and I have told you before, you need to get over your old flame. I know it’s been harsh, I know it’s been years but at one point you need to let go of her.”

Calum tried his best to stay calm, he didn’t want to trigger him and let him cause a scene. He knew just exactly how fragile Ashton was when it came to Y/N, saying the wrong words at the wrong time could leave him affected for days. 

But it was time to move on, Ashton felt that he was ready.

Yet it always seemed to change the second he would lay his eyes on her. All the memories, all the emotions seemed to go back at once and he couldn’t control them, he didn’t have control of anything.

He wanted her to be happy, hell he wanted them both to be happy whether they were together or separated. But every time he did he completely ruined it. 

She was dancing around having the time of her life. He wasn’t even sure if she had seen him during the evening and if she had, she had most probably ignored him. They weren’t on terms, they had even lost their strike on Snapchat. 

“I can-,” I’m sorry bro but I can’t do this. You can enjoy the party as much as you want I see a few from my old Spanish class who fancy you, go talk to them. I just-, I need to leave okay.” 

Ashton hurriedly placed his glass on one of the tables that was rushed past him by a waiter, his eyes glancing over his shoulder but didn’t allow Calum to comment on the situation. 

He was completely crushed after all these years. 

Calum stood completely frozen and watched Ashton shadow’s disappear out of the entrance, a somehow stunned expression on his face.

He was about to leave, settling with running after Ashton to comfort but stopped in track by someone poking him on the shoulder. 

“Hey,” A girl said and he turned around to see it was Y/N.

“You’re Calum right? You might not remember me but we’ve met a few times, I’m Ashton’s childhood friend. I was just wondering if you knew where he went because I could see in the corner of my eye that he was there but suddenly he disappeared.” 

“He left.” Calum was quick to respond, he tried to behave right but this girl had his best friend’s heart toyed around her hand without knowing how many times she was able to break it.

“What?” She questioned with wide eyes, the smell of alcohol was clear on her breath and she wasn’t thinking straight. 

“He can’t just leave I need to tell him something.” She was frankly grabbing him by the arms but just by Calum’s expression she pulled away. 

“No sorry, I’m a little drunk just forget about it.” She came back to her real self and ran a hand through her hair repeatedly. She needed some cold water and definitely some fresh air. 

“Have a nice evening, Y/N.” Calum replied politely and turned around to head towards the door. She watched him disappear away, her heart arching because she knew he was going after him. 

“Please tell Ashton that I’m in love with him.” She said more quietly to herself, fiddling with her fingers carefully and felt how a tear was falling down on her cheek and quickly removed again. 

- Now -

All these memories seemed to come back at Ashton at once, he faintly heard how people were screaming for the New Year to come in the background but he wasn’t catching up.

He needed to leave so he apologized himself away. Mia had already left to god knows where he had been so caught up in his own thoughts to even notice it. 

He needed to get away, he needed to be on his own because now he felt that he was a dead person walking on two feet. For so many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years he had been feeling like this, all coming down to one girl. 

A girl, that had been so important to him yet so unaware he felt as if he was only living on the sake of eating and sleeping. 

Opening the door to the balcony that had an ocean view and over the rest of centrum Sydney, he took a deep breath and adjusted the tie around his neck.

It wasn’t time to leave yet, he wanted this night to end successfully. He couldn’t just into a new year like this. He couldn’t work like this anymore it had to change, something new had to come.

All his life he had been waiting for moments to come.

“Ashton?” 

It was like time freezing completely and he felt his breath hitch in his throat. The voice was so recognizable he could feel his hair rise on his arm and he was unsure whether to turn around or not. 

Was this a part of his imagination or what is real? 

He still had one of his hands on the white balcony hand when looking over his shoulder with an expression that contained so many emotions at once, his limps shaking by the sight of her.

She looked like someone who was unsure of what to say, looking down at her long dress and let out a shaky breath. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes she was so damn beautiful. 

“I’m sorry for being an idiot all these years. I’m sorry for not catching up with what was going on, I’m sorry for constantly throwing the friend card in your face and I know you probably won’t hear any of this, that you’ve finally gotten over me but truth is.” 

She took another deep breath by his reaction, his jaw had fallen and his eyes were wide. 

“I’m not sorry for being in love with you. I love you, Ashton, I really fucking do.” 

Time stood still again but this time it was so differently. He couldn’t express how he was feeling, he couldn’t even describe it in his mind.

It felt as if he was dizzy, exhausted, happy, frustrated and many more things at the same time. His legs were ready to give out any minute from now, his head was spinning trying to recall her words and he was unsure whether this was real or not. 

This was what he had been waiting for, for so long. This what was it felt to actually hear what he had imagined for years, it was nothing like he had thought it would be.

It was much more magical, he wanted to pinch his arm to make sure it was actually real. He wanted to hover over the balcony and scream in joy, he wanted to raise his arms in the air and holler that finally, he got what he wanted all his life. 

He couldn’t believe it and he wanted her to say it once again. Say those three words that filled out the feeling of being empty. His heart had been arching for hers for so long, he needed her to fill out that small piece and now she finally seemed to do that.

Ashton finally got the feeling of being loved.

But because he had been silent for so long without any further reaction she had taken it the wrong way. 

A huge frown was on her face realizing that she had been too late. Of course she had, they had known each other for 19 years and just now did she decide to confess what she was feeling. God how she felt so stupid.

“No, I’m sorry just erase that, please.” She begged more to herself than him and was quick to turn around but before she would walk back into the party he grabbed her hand gently and pulled her into his chest. 

“Y/N you have no idea for how long I’ve been waiting for this moment.”

Titling her chin up gently he gave her eyes a short glance before smiling brightly to himself, lips pressing against hers for a brief moment.

It was probably the best feeling in the world. It couldn’t compare to anything else he had experienced because he had been waiting so long for this kiss he never wanted to pull away from her again or let go.

It wasn’t the same as when they were messy and 12. It had everything he needed in life and to have her to fulfill it was the best part of it. He could feel her knees shake and how she stood on her toes to reach him even further, her arms wrapping around his neck and his hands grabbing her hips to tuck her closer. 

All the bad things he had been going through seemed to be erased completely. They were gone from his body, he suddenly felt how free it was to actually live.

The love for her was what both kept him alive and broke him at the same time. But to combine the love from her along with the love she had for him, it was the strongest thing he had ever felt. 

Every guy deserved a girl that could make their heart forget that it was ever broken. 

Grabbing her hips by surprise he pulled away just for a small breath and to twirl her around like that princess she was to him. She didn’t need a title for it because she was the only girl in his life and she had always been. 

He could feel how his heart was pounding so harshly he was sure she could feel it as well when he pressed his lips against hers again, the loud sound of fireworks appearing in the background but it was only making the situation better. 

It all came together at one, they could both tell on their face expressions. 

When they finally seemed to pull away he took of his blazer gently and wrapped it around her shoulders. They weren’t saying anything but they could see that it wasn’t necessary. 

The fireworks were going crazy they had never seen anything like it. He tucked her gently into his chest after wrapping the blazer around her, a final smile on his face in pure happiness when she nuzzled her nose into his chest. 

Had she always been this beautiful? Of course she had, what a dumb question he was asking himself and he constantly had to take himself in staring at her rather than the art in front of them.

Call it destiny, call it that it was pure luck but to him he knew that it would happen, deep down. All these imaginations, all these dreams and all these nightmares wouldn’t be left as something useless.

He knew that he needed them to finally realize what he was feeling and to finally know that she was the only one he wanted to be with in life. Of course he wished he had done it before, he wished they could have just confessed their feelings already, what were they waiting for? 

But they also needed this. Not every relationship was perfect, they had bumps in their way from the start but that also meant their relation to each other would be stronger, and it would grow like that every single day. 

They belonged together and thinking about the future he couldn’t imagine it with anyone else but her. It had been like this his entire life and he wouldn’t have it any other way because she was his rock, she was all his life ever had purpose of. 

Leaning down to give her a gently kiss to her forehead he tucked her even closer if possible, wanting her as close to his heart as possible. It was amazing feeling that he knew he would get to experience every day from now and he was so blessed about it. 

“I love you so much you have no idea.” He breathed into her hair, not sure if she heard but she did and stood on her toes again to brush her forehead against his.

“I love you too weirdo.” She softly giggled, smiling all over her face by the memory and closed her eyes when he pressed her lips against his once again. 

He had no idea where they would end in life but did that matter? He finally got the girl. He freaking fucking finally got the girl and now he could finally fulfill his life with a hand in his. Hers hand. 

But most importantly he realized that this love couldn’t compare to anything his imagination could create. 

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

[Video Game Deep Cuts is a weekly newsletter from curator/video game industry veteran Simon Carless, rounding up the best longread & standout articles & videos about games, every weekend. This week's highlights include the design of Klei's Oxygen Not Included, a look at Nintendo's Arms, and much more.

Another early newsletter this week, since I'm off to Los Angeles for both PrE3 (Sony, Microsoft and Bethesda press events) and E3 itself. Always interesting to see what's going on with the massive games and platform holders at the show, even if the focus has drifted somewhat towards announcements and away from the LACC itself.  

And in a 'winner take all' world, at least some of the games announced or showcased at the event will be multi-million sellers. (Not to be sniffed at, when it's difficult to burst through the insane mass of games jockeying for attention nowadays.) Until next time, and I'll try to have something for you despite E3sanity...

- Simon, curator.]

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The Art Of Creating A Game (Brandon Martynowicz / CGSociety) "My name is Brandon Martynowicz. I have been working in the game and film industry for the past 10 years, primarily as an Environment Artist. Recently I completed production as the Art Lead for the game: What Remains of Edith Finch... This article will be a high-level brain dump about how we, as a small art team, created the massive amount of content for What Remains of Edith Finch."

Building replayability into the intricate architecture of Tokyo 42 (Chris Priestman / Gamasutra) "In the opening minutes of Tokyo 42, you’re accused of murder and have to flee your cramped flat with a stampede of bullets hot on your tail. Before long, you find yourself hustling to survive in the cloud-piercing heights of its futuristic city."

Level Design Workshop: A Narrative Approach to Level Design (Jolie Menzel / GDC / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC talk, Ubisoft's Jolie Menzel explains why a shared understanding of narrative gives a level designer a guide for everything from the pace of their level to an understanding for which assets should be placed where to tell a convincing story using physical space."

Game Freak Is More Than Just A Pokémon Developer (Brian Ashcraft / Kotaku) "Game Freak is best known for one thing: Pokémon. But while they created the iconic franchise, Game Freak isn’t afraid to let its developers get their sea legs making non-Pocket Monster games on non-Nintendo hardware. That’s why, in the past few years, Game Freak has released a number of totally original titles on platforms you might not expect."

The Art Of Everything (Laura Parker / California Sunday) "On a recent Wednesday afternoon, David OReilly stopped by the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art to set up an installation of his new video game, Everything. OReilly — who, as a child in Ireland, dropped the apostrophe from his name, partly because it’s more visually appealing — was dressed entirely in black and white."

We Are Not Alone - Developers Respond To The 1000 Game Makers Thread (Joel Couture / IndieGames) "After taking the time to speak to Steve Cook about the 1000 Game Makers Thread - a collection of gifs and links to unique, personal, and interesting games from around the world that Cook wanted to see supported, we sought out the developers who had been touched by his work."

Arms' Creators On Twintelle's Popularity And The Strange Lore Of The Game's World (Kyle Hilliard / Game Informer) "Ahead of its release, we spoke with Arms producer Kosuke Yabuki and art director Masaaki Ishikawa about the game. We discussed a number of topics, like what it means to wake up with extendable arms one morning, why everyone is already obsessed with Twintelle before the game even is even out, and whether or not we can ever expect to see a cameo by Luffy of One Piece fame (we won't)."

The 50 Worst Games Of All Time (Miguel Lopez, John Davison, Simon Cox, Jody Macgregor / Glixel) "We've all played games that are bad. If you've been a gamer for more than a few years, you've no doubt been exposed to your fair share of genuinely awful experiences – but which of them can be counted as the worst of all time? [SIMON'S NOTE: in general, I'm against 'worst' lists, but this one has some pretty obscure AND interesting games in there.]"

Activision Blizzard Aims for the Big Leagues (Michael Lev-Ram / Fortune) "Activision Blizzard built a videogame empire around bestselling titles like Call of Duty and Warcraft. Now it wants to become the ESPN of competitive gaming. Will audiences play along?"

The Tyranny of Kawaii | Tokyo 42 (Toussaint Egon / Heterotopias) "Of this we can be certain: the first, last, and greatest protagonist of cyberpunk is no “console cowboy”, but the city itself. Tokyo 42 understands this intuitively, its isometric perspective situating the genre’s debt to the lineage of modern architecture at the forefront of the player’s perspective."

Xbox Unleashed: Our deep-dive study of how millions use Xbox Live (Kyle Orland / Ars Technica) "For three years now, Ars’ Steam Gauge project and the public sampling projects it has inspired (such as Steam Spy) have provided an important behind-the-scenes look at what kinds of games are popular on PC gaming’s most popular marketplace. Today, after years of work, we’re ready to unveil a new effort that similarly uncovers what’s popular among Xbox Live users on the Xbox One and Xbox 360."

Classic Game Postmortem: Sid Meier's Civilization (Game Developers Conference / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC classic game postmortem, Civilization creators Sid Meier and Bruce Shelley tell the story of how Shelley's background in board game design and Meier's history of sim game development blended together perfectly to create what is perhaps the biggest and longest-running strategy game franchise in the world."

The Story Behind Mass Effect: Andromeda's Troubled Five-Year Development (Jason Schreier / Kotaku) "In 2012, as work on Mass Effect 3 came to a close, a small group of top BioWare employees huddled to talk about the next entry in their epic sci-fi franchise. Their goal, they decided, was to make a game about exploration—one that would dig into the untapped potential of the first three games. Instead of visiting just a few planets, they said, what if you could explore hundreds?"

Sunder - Interview with Rakuen developer Laura Shigihara (Sunder / YouTube) "Sunder is joined by Laura Shigihara to talk about her new game, Rakuen, as well the development process of creating and releasing an indie game."

How Dangen Aims To Connect Indies With The Devs That Inspired Them (Cam Shea / IGN) "Formed by a group of ex-pats who have been embedded in the Japanese games industry for many years – working at places like Capcom, Grasshopper Manufacture, Q-Games and Playism - Dangen is the latest small-scale publisher to emerge focused solely on indies."

Video Games Aren't Mindless - Or Heartless - Entertainment (Matthew Smith / Salon) "In 1991 before I was even born, my father purchased a Super Nintendo Entertainment System for my older sister. That system spawned plenty of long play sessions of “Super Mario Brothers” and “Donkey Kong Country.” And while my sister regarded it more as a distraction than a marvel, I was entranced from the moment the 16-bit curtain rose."

We asked a landscape designer to analyse The Witcher 3, Mass Effect and Dishonored (Rob Dwiar / Eurogamer) "Whether you're traversing an expansive open world, climbing crumbling ruins or sneaking between shadowy city corners, the landscapes and environments we see in games have never been better. Gone are the days of miracle-growing trees popping up at certain draw distances."

The Unusual Excellence Of Halo's Most Iconic Level (GB Burford / Kotaku) "Soon to see its third re-release, Halo: Combat Evolved remains not only one of the best shooters ever made, but also one of the best video games. That's a pretty big claim to make, but Halo's got the levels to back it up."

Hirokazu Yasuhara - How to make a game "fun" (Digital Dragons / YouTube) "There are so many fun games nowadays. And it is getting easier to make games by using various engines and tools. But it is hard to make them “fun” without game design, like as people can’t build high risen building without architecture. [SIMON'S NOTE: the codesigner of Altered Beast and Sonic in a rare design talk with my buddy Brandon Sheffield!)"

Layering challenges in Klei's survival sim Oxygen Not Included (Joel Couture / Gamasutra) "With Oxygen Not Included, Klei Entertainment, developers of harrowing, sometimes-hilarious survival game Don’t Starve, tasks players with surviving in an even more inhospitable environment: outer space. Oxygen, minerals, water, entertainment, and a place to just exist within provide all new-challenges to players."

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[REMINDER: you can sign up to receive this newsletter every weekend at http://ift.tt/2dUXrva we crosspost to Gamasutra later on Sunday, but get it first via newsletter! Story tips and comments can be emailed to vgdeepcuts@simoncarless.com. MINI-DISCLOSURE: Simon is one of the organizers of GDC and Gamasutra, so you may sometimes see links from those entities in his picks. Or not!]

[damnnngirl-things-blog]

Roni Marsh- DamnnnGirl

For a special spotlight, we interview DamnnnGirl's Co-Founder and Managing Editor. We dig into questions about how Damnnn Girl started, life and many other fun questions. Read below! 

Do you remember how we began discussing the thought of DamnnnGirl? Where were you? Where were you professionally? And how did the topic come about?

I was in Houston working my first big girl job at a creative agency -- lost and alone. I really wanted an outlet. I wanted a place to vent. I wanted a community for myself and my peers so I said if we can’t find it why not create our own?

What made you choose public relations? You’ve been an entertainment personal assistant, worked in event management and marketing, what led you to Public Relations?

I went to college thinking I was going to follow in my parents’ footsteps and go into the medical field, but boy was I wrong! I got all the way up to Cal. 2 and Chem. 2 and said “nah this ain’t for me bro” and I decided to search for something else. Like any other college student, I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do. I knew I was good with people. I knew that I had fun planning events with all of the organizations that I was involved in and someone said you should try communications. So I did and I fell in love with it. But once again, I knew I loved communications, I just didn’t know which part of communications to focus on. So I tried a little bit of everything. Public relations was a constant in all of those positions, so I decided to make it my thing.

What makes your heart sing professionally? What do you love doing?

Helping and empowering people and creating new ways to do these things. I feel like I come across so many awesome people on a daily basis and I want to help them reach their goals. That’s what I love to do.

This website has been developed as a safe haven for professional women with dreams and hopes of conquering the world but also letting the world be our oyster. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

That everything takes work and everything takes time. Patience has never been one of my virtues but in starting this journey I have had to learn patience. It’s important to learn that things will never come instantly. Things take time. And sometimes it isn’t quite time for your flower to bloom yet.

How do you pick yourself up after falling, after quitting a job? After a terrible heartbreak? We’ve all been there, we’ve all been grueling on the floor from disappointment how do you bounce back?

I was listening to a Podcast “The Read” the other day and they discussed when recovering from a breakup it’s important that you mourn the relationship before moving on. I think that’s  what you have to do after every disappointment that comes in life. Give yourself time to process, to cry, or to say “F him” or “f this Job” you need to do these things. Its healthy. Then you get your shit together. Fix your crown. Remind yourself who you are and what you capable of and then you move on. And in this process remember that God’s plan is always bigger than yours and if something didn’t work out it was a lesson. Life is full of blessings and lessons and in the end everything turns out to be both.

What is family to you? How big is your family?

Family is everything. Everything. My family and I are so close and I don’t think I would be where I am without them. Especially Ronald and Alexis (my parents) those two are my everything. They will literally pick me up off of my face every single time and I am forever grateful. My family is pretty big, and when I tell you we are all close we are lol. We all have group chats to share the family tea and keep up with each other.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Where do you want DamnnnGirl to go?

I see DamnnnGirl becoming larger than anything I can imagine, I see it becoming a true community for professional women looking to find an outlet. I want to start hosting events, conferences and selling merchandise. As for myself, I plan to quit my 9-5 and focus on DamnnnGirl and any other ventures that may come up in the future. I want to be in a better mental space, debt-free and able to live freely without having to check in with someone first. That’s where I will be in five. Living by my own rules.

Why DamnnnGirl?

When we started this we went through so many different name changes and Damnnn Girl stuck. When you walk into a room and you see another woman either looking extremely beautiful or just doing the damn thing? You either automatically say out loud or to yourself DAMNNN GIRL! That’s where that came from. All the women mentioned or are apart of the site make me say that.

Today is your birthday, what does that age mean to you? Where did you see yourself at this age in college? Are you impressed?

This age meant it is time to get my shit together. Seriously. In college, I kind of pictured that I would  be here or somewhere near here I just didn’t know how, where or when. I am not necessarily impressed with myself but I am damn sure not disappointed. There are days where I sit back and I think how truly far I came as a person both emotionally and professionally. So much has changed in such a short amount of time.

What do you love about being a woman?

Everything. It’s amazing. We have the ability to bring life into this world I am not sure it gets more powerful or amazing than that.

What’s self care to you?

Taking time for Roni. Doing mental check-ins with myself to make sure everything is alright up there. I think we often get caught in what’s going on in the world that we forget to take care of ourselves but this year I have started to take that a bit more seriously. I even meditate now. I take five or ten minutes to just unplug and unwind it does wonders for my body. But self care can be anything that involves you. If that means going shopping, getting a manicure or hanging with the girls, all of those things mean self care to me.

Gifs or Kimojis and why?

Kimojis duh lol. Kim is my bestie in my head and her emojis are so fun and risque I am quick to use one.

Number one used gif and kimoji?

No judgies. But twerking kimoji gets used quite often (lol)

Top or bottom loll?

Both? Because…. depending on the day (LOL)

What are your thoughts on gender roles?

I am old school in the sense that I still believe that some gender roles still exist while others have evolved. I think that’s okay too. Some people don’t believe in them at all, which is okay too. I do though. The way I see  the woman's role and the man's role in a relationship is definitely outdated.

What’s important to tell to your women wanting to branch out, brand themselves while still taking Corporate America by storm?

I think it’s always important to create something for yourself outside of your corporate position for a number of a reasons: another stream of income, doing something that you love or are passionate about, and remembering that jobs aren’t forever so having something else outside is amazing. Women can do amazing things and hell why not do those things while still climbing the ladder?

Quick quote to your 23-year-old self? We had just started Damnnn Girl?

“Be patient mama, it’s coming”-- I have had to tell myself this several times in my life. I want things to happen now. I don’t want to wait. I wanted DamnnnGirl to be great as soon as we thought of the idea but I realize more and more that things take time and a lot of trial and error to get right.

Fur or thigh highs? That seems borderline offensive but either or

It’s extremely offensive that you would ask me to pick between two amazing things (LOL) but I guess since I must chose definitely thigh highs because you can have more fun with them.

What’s your I’m feeling myself outfit go to?

My legs are my favorite part of my body so a mini dress that shows off these babies is always a go-to for me.

Partition or Drunk in Love?

Ha. Rolling up the partition while we’re drunk in love.

 How do you work with a person like me who has a type b bohemian personality? I’m crazy and difficult and we’re both confrontational? How do you do it?

Goodness, it’s hard but it’s worth it. I have learned so many things about myself and you because we have such strong personalities and finding the balance between the two has been and probably always will be a struggle for us but when we really get it together beautiful things happen. I do it by being patient and playing on our strengths and not focusing so much on our weaknesses.

What has it been like to work on a project and be on opposite sides of the world? Best tip for keeping it cute and staying semi conflict free?

It’s hard and it is not easy and quite honestly it is not something I would recommend anyone do. Like at all. Because time is always be a constant issue so finding ways around that is important to keep the relationship and partnership strong. I think the best tip I can give is that put your friendship first and foremost and don’t forget why we started this thing in the first place.

Biggest lesson you’ve learned through this partnership?

Never forget the end goal and do not get caught up in the arguments. Let things and always get back to the bigger picture. Sometimes we lose sight of that. Always get back to work.

   Special Thanks to Bradlei Smith, TransMaxMedia and the IncYOUbator! 

[1428492]

Thesis I  (a narrative)

The idea for my thesis spawned from a conversation over chipotle (most good ideas do). I was prompted to try and remember any of my mother’s boyfriends prior to her current one, whom she has been dating since I was six years old. So I started to think, a guy named Dicky came to mind. Memories started pouring in; the house we lived in, activities I would watch my mom do, her old friends, and experiences we shared. All of these things sort of dipped in and out of the 90’s rave scene in one way or another which my mother was heavily involved in at the time. I remembered one experience in particular, the first drug I ever took. When I was the age of 4 or 5 I mistook some sort of rave drug for an orange mini M&M. I remember biting into the unmarked tablet, it had a really bitter taste and I almost immediately thought “this isn’t an m&m”, I shrugged it off. Halloween was every weekend growing up with my mother. We would sit on the floor listening to house music. I would watch her construct elaborate costumes for parties she would be attending without me. Overalls made out of bubble wrap, tops out of astro turf, pants out of twister boards. These couple of memories influenced my first three pieces of the semester. At that point, my thesis was solely exploring 90’s rave culture influence on my identity. They were inspired by techniques I picked up in the “Photo to Sculpture” course last spring (2016). I wanted to do more material studies and explore making pieces that were three dimensional. The works were “first generation” and didn’t embody the feelings that I wanted to interweave into the pieces. Out of the three pieces only one felt finalized to me, the other two needed to be revised.

As the semester progressed, my research furthered. We were now deep into Themes of Contemporary Art. The class broke into groups by theme, I fit into the “memory” group. I had made a trip back home in order to gather materials from my mother. I was most interested in picking up the outfits I remembered her making. However, most of what I collected included just old photos, memorabilia, and a diary that she used to bring to raves and have people sign. My group and I looked over the pieces I had brought back, the rave journal seemed to reveal a lot about my mother and her friends. There were photos in the journal corresponding to each message. A lot of people mentioned how fucked up they were on whatever drugs and a few even mentioned me by name. From Themes of Contemporary Art, my ideas evolved. I started thinking more about not only constructed identity but also about how memory is unreliable. For example, how “we argue about the past with others when we do not recall the same events or when we interpret the same events differently” and that “we omit other people’s stories if they do not serve our needs” and also how “not having a perfect memory is invaluable, for it allows us to prioritize and generalize, to think in abstract terms”. I was still interested in making objects and became interested the idea of creating fictional places, objects, images or experiences based on unreliable memories that have conceptual undertones that are based on social constructs. For our second critique of the semester I wanted to create an experience that reflected my child like perspective of the 90’s rave scene. I took apart an old speaker and rewired it, then stretched pool float material over the speaker portion. There were stickers all over my mother’s journal. There was one in particular I wanted to recreate though, it was a turntable and needle on a rainbow gradient. I made it into a 7ft print and displayed it on the wall behind my speaker. Then I deconstructed house music to it’s core drum and bass characteristics and played it loudly over the speaker so that the plastic pool material would vibrate to the low rumbling of the bass. I performed the sound piece that I created on a Roland TR 909 emulator. During the performance I played “dress up” and took on the persona of what I thought a deejay would be like when I was a child. The scene was not meant to feel like a rave, but instead a deconstructed depiction of rave characteristics. The performance was titled “RAVE BABY” and lasted about 10-15 minutes, and was ultimately a failed attempt. It needed to be revised. I didn’t have control of the audience, there were no cues for direction, and honestly I was nervous and shaky. I needed to study more performance artists and come up with an ingredients list for a successful performance.

My mother and I had been having conversations about my ideas, she doesn’t want to be seen in a bad light. I assure her she won’t be, but I can’t guarantee it. Viewers want a miraculous story, and from my childlike perspective that’s exactly what this is. One summer my mother’s boyfriend Dicky picked me up and threw me into the deep end of the pool. How could my mother let this happen? I didn’t know how to swim, I was only 4 years old. I plunged toward the bottom and saw my mother, waiting to “save” me. As she brought me to the shallow end of the pool she reassured me that it was all fun and games, she would never let anything bad happen to me. I felt betrayed. In effort to escape the pool as quickly as possible, I latched onto the exit ladder. While climbing out I experienced a sharp pain on my side. My hustle out of the pool frightened a bee nearby and as a result I had gotten my first bee sting. My mother walked me over to an aloe plant, we broke it off, squeezed it’s gelatin onto my skin, and rubbed it in. Looking back on that day I thought, why do we hurt some things in order to better ourselves? My mother and I talked about what happened. She found the story humorous. I thought, I want to make a piece about this story. It was important to me that the piece try to represent both my mother’s and my perspective. I had an idea that I wanted to CNC route a piece of foam with a water texture and epoxy over the top to emulate the look of water. The piece would look have an appealing gloss and an attractive aesthetic on the surface, but it failed at embodying the trauma that I experienced from the situation. If anything, it was an alright representation of my mother’s perspective, “fun and games”. I struggled with a graphic that would portray my feelings to my viewers. I wanted the piece to be uncomfortable, to feel like betrayal. I threw together a graphic in a couple of days, I had to UV print as soon as possible if I wanted the epoxy to cure on time for crit. The graphic included some of the main points of the trauma, but were too on the nose. The piece held to much weight, I tried to crowd this complex experience into one 24” X 28” piece. It was failing. Not to mention the UV printing services would hold my foam until the day of final crit. I worked hard on this piece, but it wasn’t going to come through and I couldn’t show up with nothing. So I improvised. I created a piece out of leftover materials that vaguely referenced rave/drug culture.  A square piece of foam with neon installed around the border, the center was cut out and in the center lay a coke tray. It wasn’t made to be deconstructed by the viewer. It was made fast with only aesthetics in mind. What a let down to end the semester with.

[reaper-botherer]

2 Day Reminder!!

Hey there fellow meihem-lovers! I broached the subject a while back and just thought that I’d remind everyone that the forces of the universe have aligned so that Australia Day and Chinese New Year happen within a few days of one another - making it the perfect time for a meihem mini event!

When: For those of you interested in participating, it’ll be running from Thursday 26th January (Australia Day) to Saturday 28th January (Chinese New Year).

What: All kinds of fan-made content are welcome whether they’re fics, art, edits, fanmixes, audio, cosplays, and more!

The key theme for this event is Culture Sharing, including events, festivals, cuisine, dress, customs, decorations, fireworks, and whatever else you can think of!

Who: This is primarily a meihem event but ot3/total meiham content is most welcome and meiham shippers can feel free to use the ideas listed above, too!

How: Just upload content as you normally would to your blog on the dates mentioned above. In addition to your normal tags, feel free to add #meihemminievent to your post!

I’m aware that the meihem fanbook deadline is approaching and that many of you will also be working on your secret cupid assignments, so don’t feel pressured to create something if you can’t - this is all just for fun! <3

disclaimer: considering that Australia Day is based upon the settlement of British colonisers in Australia, you’re free to imagine that Junkrat hates this holiday (especially if you believe that Mako is of aboriginal descent) or that it’s evolved into something a bit more respectful in the future timeline that Overwatch takes place in! You may also want to focus more on culture sharing aspects and less on the holidays in question - do what feels right for you!

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

[Video Game Deep Cuts is a weekly newsletter from curator/video game industry veteran Simon Carless, rounding up the best longread & standout articles & videos about games, every weekend. This week's highlights include the design of Klei's Oxygen Not Included, a look at Nintendo's Arms, and much more.

Another early newsletter this week, since I'm off to Los Angeles for both PrE3 (Sony, Microsoft and Bethesda press events) and E3 itself. Always interesting to see what's going on with the massive games and platform holders at the show, even if the focus has drifted somewhat towards announcements and away from the LACC itself.  

And in a 'winner take all' world, at least some of the games announced or showcased at the event will be multi-million sellers. (Not to be sniffed at, when it's difficult to burst through the insane mass of games jockeying for attention nowadays.) Until next time, and I'll try to have something for you despite E3sanity...

- Simon, curator.]

-------------------

The Art Of Creating A Game (Brandon Martynowicz / CGSociety) "My name is Brandon Martynowicz. I have been working in the game and film industry for the past 10 years, primarily as an Environment Artist. Recently I completed production as the Art Lead for the game: What Remains of Edith Finch... This article will be a high-level brain dump about how we, as a small art team, created the massive amount of content for What Remains of Edith Finch."

Building replayability into the intricate architecture of Tokyo 42 (Chris Priestman / Gamasutra) "In the opening minutes of Tokyo 42, you’re accused of murder and have to flee your cramped flat with a stampede of bullets hot on your tail. Before long, you find yourself hustling to survive in the cloud-piercing heights of its futuristic city."

Level Design Workshop: A Narrative Approach to Level Design (Jolie Menzel / GDC / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC talk, Ubisoft's Jolie Menzel explains why a shared understanding of narrative gives a level designer a guide for everything from the pace of their level to an understanding for which assets should be placed where to tell a convincing story using physical space."

Game Freak Is More Than Just A Pokémon Developer (Brian Ashcraft / Kotaku) "Game Freak is best known for one thing: Pokémon. But while they created the iconic franchise, Game Freak isn’t afraid to let its developers get their sea legs making non-Pocket Monster games on non-Nintendo hardware. That’s why, in the past few years, Game Freak has released a number of totally original titles on platforms you might not expect."

The Art Of Everything (Laura Parker / California Sunday) "On a recent Wednesday afternoon, David OReilly stopped by the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art to set up an installation of his new video game, Everything. OReilly — who, as a child in Ireland, dropped the apostrophe from his name, partly because it’s more visually appealing — was dressed entirely in black and white."

We Are Not Alone - Developers Respond To The 1000 Game Makers Thread (Joel Couture / IndieGames) "After taking the time to speak to Steve Cook about the 1000 Game Makers Thread - a collection of gifs and links to unique, personal, and interesting games from around the world that Cook wanted to see supported, we sought out the developers who had been touched by his work."

Arms' Creators On Twintelle's Popularity And The Strange Lore Of The Game's World (Kyle Hilliard / Game Informer) "Ahead of its release, we spoke with Arms producer Kosuke Yabuki and art director Masaaki Ishikawa about the game. We discussed a number of topics, like what it means to wake up with extendable arms one morning, why everyone is already obsessed with Twintelle before the game even is even out, and whether or not we can ever expect to see a cameo by Luffy of One Piece fame (we won't)."

The 50 Worst Games Of All Time (Miguel Lopez, John Davison, Simon Cox, Jody Macgregor / Glixel) "We've all played games that are bad. If you've been a gamer for more than a few years, you've no doubt been exposed to your fair share of genuinely awful experiences – but which of them can be counted as the worst of all time? [SIMON'S NOTE: in general, I'm against 'worst' lists, but this one has some pretty obscure AND interesting games in there.]"

Activision Blizzard Aims for the Big Leagues (Michael Lev-Ram / Fortune) "Activision Blizzard built a videogame empire around bestselling titles like Call of Duty and Warcraft. Now it wants to become the ESPN of competitive gaming. Will audiences play along?"

The Tyranny of Kawaii | Tokyo 42 (Toussaint Egon / Heterotopias) "Of this we can be certain: the first, last, and greatest protagonist of cyberpunk is no “console cowboy”, but the city itself. Tokyo 42 understands this intuitively, its isometric perspective situating the genre’s debt to the lineage of modern architecture at the forefront of the player’s perspective."

Xbox Unleashed: Our deep-dive study of how millions use Xbox Live (Kyle Orland / Ars Technica) "For three years now, Ars’ Steam Gauge project and the public sampling projects it has inspired (such as Steam Spy) have provided an important behind-the-scenes look at what kinds of games are popular on PC gaming’s most popular marketplace. Today, after years of work, we’re ready to unveil a new effort that similarly uncovers what’s popular among Xbox Live users on the Xbox One and Xbox 360."

Classic Game Postmortem: Sid Meier's Civilization (Game Developers Conference / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC classic game postmortem, Civilization creators Sid Meier and Bruce Shelley tell the story of how Shelley's background in board game design and Meier's history of sim game development blended together perfectly to create what is perhaps the biggest and longest-running strategy game franchise in the world."

The Story Behind Mass Effect: Andromeda's Troubled Five-Year Development (Jason Schreier / Kotaku) "In 2012, as work on Mass Effect 3 came to a close, a small group of top BioWare employees huddled to talk about the next entry in their epic sci-fi franchise. Their goal, they decided, was to make a game about exploration—one that would dig into the untapped potential of the first three games. Instead of visiting just a few planets, they said, what if you could explore hundreds?"

Sunder - Interview with Rakuen developer Laura Shigihara (Sunder / YouTube) "Sunder is joined by Laura Shigihara to talk about her new game, Rakuen, as well the development process of creating and releasing an indie game."

How Dangen Aims To Connect Indies With The Devs That Inspired Them (Cam Shea / IGN) "Formed by a group of ex-pats who have been embedded in the Japanese games industry for many years – working at places like Capcom, Grasshopper Manufacture, Q-Games and Playism - Dangen is the latest small-scale publisher to emerge focused solely on indies."

Video Games Aren't Mindless - Or Heartless - Entertainment (Matthew Smith / Salon) "In 1991 before I was even born, my father purchased a Super Nintendo Entertainment System for my older sister. That system spawned plenty of long play sessions of “Super Mario Brothers” and “Donkey Kong Country.” And while my sister regarded it more as a distraction than a marvel, I was entranced from the moment the 16-bit curtain rose."

We asked a landscape designer to analyse The Witcher 3, Mass Effect and Dishonored (Rob Dwiar / Eurogamer) "Whether you're traversing an expansive open world, climbing crumbling ruins or sneaking between shadowy city corners, the landscapes and environments we see in games have never been better. Gone are the days of miracle-growing trees popping up at certain draw distances."

The Unusual Excellence Of Halo's Most Iconic Level (GB Burford / Kotaku) "Soon to see its third re-release, Halo: Combat Evolved remains not only one of the best shooters ever made, but also one of the best video games. That's a pretty big claim to make, but Halo's got the levels to back it up."

Hirokazu Yasuhara - How to make a game "fun" (Digital Dragons / YouTube) "There are so many fun games nowadays. And it is getting easier to make games by using various engines and tools. But it is hard to make them “fun” without game design, like as people can’t build high risen building without architecture. [SIMON'S NOTE: the codesigner of Altered Beast and Sonic in a rare design talk with my buddy Brandon Sheffield!)"

Layering challenges in Klei's survival sim Oxygen Not Included (Joel Couture / Gamasutra) "With Oxygen Not Included, Klei Entertainment, developers of harrowing, sometimes-hilarious survival game Don’t Starve, tasks players with surviving in an even more inhospitable environment: outer space. Oxygen, minerals, water, entertainment, and a place to just exist within provide all new-challenges to players."

-------------------

[REMINDER: you can sign up to receive this newsletter every weekend at http://ift.tt/2dUXrva we crosspost to Gamasutra later on Sunday, but get it first via newsletter! Story tips and comments can be emailed to vgdeepcuts@simoncarless.com. MINI-DISCLOSURE: Simon is one of the organizers of GDC and Gamasutra, so you may sometimes see links from those entities in his picks. Or not!]

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

[Video Game Deep Cuts is a weekly newsletter from curator/video game industry veteran Simon Carless, rounding up the best longread & standout articles & videos about games, every weekend. This week's highlights include the design of Klei's Oxygen Not Included, a look at Nintendo's Arms, and much more.

Another early newsletter this week, since I'm off to Los Angeles for both PrE3 (Sony, Microsoft and Bethesda press events) and E3 itself. Always interesting to see what's going on with the massive games and platform holders at the show, even if the focus has drifted somewhat towards announcements and away from the LACC itself.  

And in a 'winner take all' world, at least some of the games announced or showcased at the event will be multi-million sellers. (Not to be sniffed at, when it's difficult to burst through the insane mass of games jockeying for attention nowadays.) Until next time, and I'll try to have something for you despite E3sanity...

- Simon, curator.]

-------------------

The Art Of Creating A Game (Brandon Martynowicz / CGSociety) "My name is Brandon Martynowicz. I have been working in the game and film industry for the past 10 years, primarily as an Environment Artist. Recently I completed production as the Art Lead for the game: What Remains of Edith Finch... This article will be a high-level brain dump about how we, as a small art team, created the massive amount of content for What Remains of Edith Finch."

Building replayability into the intricate architecture of Tokyo 42 (Chris Priestman / Gamasutra) "In the opening minutes of Tokyo 42, you’re accused of murder and have to flee your cramped flat with a stampede of bullets hot on your tail. Before long, you find yourself hustling to survive in the cloud-piercing heights of its futuristic city."

Level Design Workshop: A Narrative Approach to Level Design (Jolie Menzel / GDC / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC talk, Ubisoft's Jolie Menzel explains why a shared understanding of narrative gives a level designer a guide for everything from the pace of their level to an understanding for which assets should be placed where to tell a convincing story using physical space."

Game Freak Is More Than Just A Pokémon Developer (Brian Ashcraft / Kotaku) "Game Freak is best known for one thing: Pokémon. But while they created the iconic franchise, Game Freak isn’t afraid to let its developers get their sea legs making non-Pocket Monster games on non-Nintendo hardware. That’s why, in the past few years, Game Freak has released a number of totally original titles on platforms you might not expect."

The Art Of Everything (Laura Parker / California Sunday) "On a recent Wednesday afternoon, David OReilly stopped by the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art to set up an installation of his new video game, Everything. OReilly — who, as a child in Ireland, dropped the apostrophe from his name, partly because it’s more visually appealing — was dressed entirely in black and white."

We Are Not Alone - Developers Respond To The 1000 Game Makers Thread (Joel Couture / IndieGames) "After taking the time to speak to Steve Cook about the 1000 Game Makers Thread - a collection of gifs and links to unique, personal, and interesting games from around the world that Cook wanted to see supported, we sought out the developers who had been touched by his work."

Arms' Creators On Twintelle's Popularity And The Strange Lore Of The Game's World (Kyle Hilliard / Game Informer) "Ahead of its release, we spoke with Arms producer Kosuke Yabuki and art director Masaaki Ishikawa about the game. We discussed a number of topics, like what it means to wake up with extendable arms one morning, why everyone is already obsessed with Twintelle before the game even is even out, and whether or not we can ever expect to see a cameo by Luffy of One Piece fame (we won't)."

The 50 Worst Games Of All Time (Miguel Lopez, John Davison, Simon Cox, Jody Macgregor / Glixel) "We've all played games that are bad. If you've been a gamer for more than a few years, you've no doubt been exposed to your fair share of genuinely awful experiences – but which of them can be counted as the worst of all time? [SIMON'S NOTE: in general, I'm against 'worst' lists, but this one has some pretty obscure AND interesting games in there.]"

Activision Blizzard Aims for the Big Leagues (Michael Lev-Ram / Fortune) "Activision Blizzard built a videogame empire around bestselling titles like Call of Duty and Warcraft. Now it wants to become the ESPN of competitive gaming. Will audiences play along?"

The Tyranny of Kawaii | Tokyo 42 (Toussaint Egon / Heterotopias) "Of this we can be certain: the first, last, and greatest protagonist of cyberpunk is no “console cowboy”, but the city itself. Tokyo 42 understands this intuitively, its isometric perspective situating the genre’s debt to the lineage of modern architecture at the forefront of the player’s perspective."

Xbox Unleashed: Our deep-dive study of how millions use Xbox Live (Kyle Orland / Ars Technica) "For three years now, Ars’ Steam Gauge project and the public sampling projects it has inspired (such as Steam Spy) have provided an important behind-the-scenes look at what kinds of games are popular on PC gaming’s most popular marketplace. Today, after years of work, we’re ready to unveil a new effort that similarly uncovers what’s popular among Xbox Live users on the Xbox One and Xbox 360."

Classic Game Postmortem: Sid Meier's Civilization (Game Developers Conference / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC classic game postmortem, Civilization creators Sid Meier and Bruce Shelley tell the story of how Shelley's background in board game design and Meier's history of sim game development blended together perfectly to create what is perhaps the biggest and longest-running strategy game franchise in the world."

The Story Behind Mass Effect: Andromeda's Troubled Five-Year Development (Jason Schreier / Kotaku) "In 2012, as work on Mass Effect 3 came to a close, a small group of top BioWare employees huddled to talk about the next entry in their epic sci-fi franchise. Their goal, they decided, was to make a game about exploration—one that would dig into the untapped potential of the first three games. Instead of visiting just a few planets, they said, what if you could explore hundreds?"

Sunder - Interview with Rakuen developer Laura Shigihara (Sunder / YouTube) "Sunder is joined by Laura Shigihara to talk about her new game, Rakuen, as well the development process of creating and releasing an indie game."

How Dangen Aims To Connect Indies With The Devs That Inspired Them (Cam Shea / IGN) "Formed by a group of ex-pats who have been embedded in the Japanese games industry for many years – working at places like Capcom, Grasshopper Manufacture, Q-Games and Playism - Dangen is the latest small-scale publisher to emerge focused solely on indies."

Video Games Aren't Mindless - Or Heartless - Entertainment (Matthew Smith / Salon) "In 1991 before I was even born, my father purchased a Super Nintendo Entertainment System for my older sister. That system spawned plenty of long play sessions of “Super Mario Brothers” and “Donkey Kong Country.” And while my sister regarded it more as a distraction than a marvel, I was entranced from the moment the 16-bit curtain rose."

We asked a landscape designer to analyse The Witcher 3, Mass Effect and Dishonored (Rob Dwiar / Eurogamer) "Whether you're traversing an expansive open world, climbing crumbling ruins or sneaking between shadowy city corners, the landscapes and environments we see in games have never been better. Gone are the days of miracle-growing trees popping up at certain draw distances."

The Unusual Excellence Of Halo's Most Iconic Level (GB Burford / Kotaku) "Soon to see its third re-release, Halo: Combat Evolved remains not only one of the best shooters ever made, but also one of the best video games. That's a pretty big claim to make, but Halo's got the levels to back it up."

Hirokazu Yasuhara - How to make a game "fun" (Digital Dragons / YouTube) "There are so many fun games nowadays. And it is getting easier to make games by using various engines and tools. But it is hard to make them “fun” without game design, like as people can’t build high risen building without architecture. [SIMON'S NOTE: the codesigner of Altered Beast and Sonic in a rare design talk with my buddy Brandon Sheffield!)"

Layering challenges in Klei's survival sim Oxygen Not Included (Joel Couture / Gamasutra) "With Oxygen Not Included, Klei Entertainment, developers of harrowing, sometimes-hilarious survival game Don’t Starve, tasks players with surviving in an even more inhospitable environment: outer space. Oxygen, minerals, water, entertainment, and a place to just exist within provide all new-challenges to players."

-------------------

[REMINDER: you can sign up to receive this newsletter every weekend at http://ift.tt/2dUXrva we crosspost to Gamasutra later on Sunday, but get it first via newsletter! Story tips and comments can be emailed to vgdeepcuts@simoncarless.com. MINI-DISCLOSURE: Simon is one of the organizers of GDC and Gamasutra, so you may sometimes see links from those entities in his picks. Or not!]

[symbianosgames]

The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

[Video Game Deep Cuts is a weekly newsletter from curator/video game industry veteran Simon Carless, rounding up the best longread & standout articles & videos about games, every weekend. This week's highlights include the design of Klei's Oxygen Not Included, a look at Nintendo's Arms, and much more.

Another early newsletter this week, since I'm off to Los Angeles for both PrE3 (Sony, Microsoft and Bethesda press events) and E3 itself. Always interesting to see what's going on with the massive games and platform holders at the show, even if the focus has drifted somewhat towards announcements and away from the LACC itself.  

And in a 'winner take all' world, at least some of the games announced or showcased at the event will be multi-million sellers. (Not to be sniffed at, when it's difficult to burst through the insane mass of games jockeying for attention nowadays.) Until next time, and I'll try to have something for you despite E3sanity...

- Simon, curator.]

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The Art Of Creating A Game (Brandon Martynowicz / CGSociety) "My name is Brandon Martynowicz. I have been working in the game and film industry for the past 10 years, primarily as an Environment Artist. Recently I completed production as the Art Lead for the game: What Remains of Edith Finch... This article will be a high-level brain dump about how we, as a small art team, created the massive amount of content for What Remains of Edith Finch."

Building replayability into the intricate architecture of Tokyo 42 (Chris Priestman / Gamasutra) "In the opening minutes of Tokyo 42, you’re accused of murder and have to flee your cramped flat with a stampede of bullets hot on your tail. Before long, you find yourself hustling to survive in the cloud-piercing heights of its futuristic city."

Level Design Workshop: A Narrative Approach to Level Design (Jolie Menzel / GDC / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC talk, Ubisoft's Jolie Menzel explains why a shared understanding of narrative gives a level designer a guide for everything from the pace of their level to an understanding for which assets should be placed where to tell a convincing story using physical space."

Game Freak Is More Than Just A Pokémon Developer (Brian Ashcraft / Kotaku) "Game Freak is best known for one thing: Pokémon. But while they created the iconic franchise, Game Freak isn’t afraid to let its developers get their sea legs making non-Pocket Monster games on non-Nintendo hardware. That’s why, in the past few years, Game Freak has released a number of totally original titles on platforms you might not expect."

The Art Of Everything (Laura Parker / California Sunday) "On a recent Wednesday afternoon, David OReilly stopped by the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art to set up an installation of his new video game, Everything. OReilly — who, as a child in Ireland, dropped the apostrophe from his name, partly because it’s more visually appealing — was dressed entirely in black and white."

We Are Not Alone - Developers Respond To The 1000 Game Makers Thread (Joel Couture / IndieGames) "After taking the time to speak to Steve Cook about the 1000 Game Makers Thread - a collection of gifs and links to unique, personal, and interesting games from around the world that Cook wanted to see supported, we sought out the developers who had been touched by his work."

Arms' Creators On Twintelle's Popularity And The Strange Lore Of The Game's World (Kyle Hilliard / Game Informer) "Ahead of its release, we spoke with Arms producer Kosuke Yabuki and art director Masaaki Ishikawa about the game. We discussed a number of topics, like what it means to wake up with extendable arms one morning, why everyone is already obsessed with Twintelle before the game even is even out, and whether or not we can ever expect to see a cameo by Luffy of One Piece fame (we won't)."

The 50 Worst Games Of All Time (Miguel Lopez, John Davison, Simon Cox, Jody Macgregor / Glixel) "We've all played games that are bad. If you've been a gamer for more than a few years, you've no doubt been exposed to your fair share of genuinely awful experiences – but which of them can be counted as the worst of all time? [SIMON'S NOTE: in general, I'm against 'worst' lists, but this one has some pretty obscure AND interesting games in there.]"

Activision Blizzard Aims for the Big Leagues (Michael Lev-Ram / Fortune) "Activision Blizzard built a videogame empire around bestselling titles like Call of Duty and Warcraft. Now it wants to become the ESPN of competitive gaming. Will audiences play along?"

The Tyranny of Kawaii | Tokyo 42 (Toussaint Egon / Heterotopias) "Of this we can be certain: the first, last, and greatest protagonist of cyberpunk is no “console cowboy”, but the city itself. Tokyo 42 understands this intuitively, its isometric perspective situating the genre’s debt to the lineage of modern architecture at the forefront of the player’s perspective."

Xbox Unleashed: Our deep-dive study of how millions use Xbox Live (Kyle Orland / Ars Technica) "For three years now, Ars’ Steam Gauge project and the public sampling projects it has inspired (such as Steam Spy) have provided an important behind-the-scenes look at what kinds of games are popular on PC gaming’s most popular marketplace. Today, after years of work, we’re ready to unveil a new effort that similarly uncovers what’s popular among Xbox Live users on the Xbox One and Xbox 360."

Classic Game Postmortem: Sid Meier's Civilization (Game Developers Conference / YouTube) "In this 2017 GDC classic game postmortem, Civilization creators Sid Meier and Bruce Shelley tell the story of how Shelley's background in board game design and Meier's history of sim game development blended together perfectly to create what is perhaps the biggest and longest-running strategy game franchise in the world."

The Story Behind Mass Effect: Andromeda's Troubled Five-Year Development (Jason Schreier / Kotaku) "In 2012, as work on Mass Effect 3 came to a close, a small group of top BioWare employees huddled to talk about the next entry in their epic sci-fi franchise. Their goal, they decided, was to make a game about exploration—one that would dig into the untapped potential of the first three games. Instead of visiting just a few planets, they said, what if you could explore hundreds?"

Sunder - Interview with Rakuen developer Laura Shigihara (Sunder / YouTube) "Sunder is joined by Laura Shigihara to talk about her new game, Rakuen, as well the development process of creating and releasing an indie game."

How Dangen Aims To Connect Indies With The Devs That Inspired Them (Cam Shea / IGN) "Formed by a group of ex-pats who have been embedded in the Japanese games industry for many years – working at places like Capcom, Grasshopper Manufacture, Q-Games and Playism - Dangen is the latest small-scale publisher to emerge focused solely on indies."

Video Games Aren't Mindless - Or Heartless - Entertainment (Matthew Smith / Salon) "In 1991 before I was even born, my father purchased a Super Nintendo Entertainment System for my older sister. That system spawned plenty of long play sessions of “Super Mario Brothers” and “Donkey Kong Country.” And while my sister regarded it more as a distraction than a marvel, I was entranced from the moment the 16-bit curtain rose."

We asked a landscape designer to analyse The Witcher 3, Mass Effect and Dishonored (Rob Dwiar / Eurogamer) "Whether you're traversing an expansive open world, climbing crumbling ruins or sneaking between shadowy city corners, the landscapes and environments we see in games have never been better. Gone are the days of miracle-growing trees popping up at certain draw distances."

The Unusual Excellence Of Halo's Most Iconic Level (GB Burford / Kotaku) "Soon to see its third re-release, Halo: Combat Evolved remains not only one of the best shooters ever made, but also one of the best video games. That's a pretty big claim to make, but Halo's got the levels to back it up."

Hirokazu Yasuhara - How to make a game "fun" (Digital Dragons / YouTube) "There are so many fun games nowadays. And it is getting easier to make games by using various engines and tools. But it is hard to make them “fun” without game design, like as people can’t build high risen building without architecture. [SIMON'S NOTE: the codesigner of Altered Beast and Sonic in a rare design talk with my buddy Brandon Sheffield!)"

Layering challenges in Klei's survival sim Oxygen Not Included (Joel Couture / Gamasutra) "With Oxygen Not Included, Klei Entertainment, developers of harrowing, sometimes-hilarious survival game Don’t Starve, tasks players with surviving in an even more inhospitable environment: outer space. Oxygen, minerals, water, entertainment, and a place to just exist within provide all new-challenges to players."

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[REMINDER: you can sign up to receive this newsletter every weekend at http://ift.tt/2dUXrva we crosspost to Gamasutra later on Sunday, but get it first via newsletter! Story tips and comments can be emailed to vgdeepcuts@simoncarless.com. MINI-DISCLOSURE: Simon is one of the organizers of GDC and Gamasutra, so you may sometimes see links from those entities in his picks. Or not!]