#I thought everyone was talking about a totally different site...

[mostlymilkwood]

when I onginally played Hate Plus I just did it over 3 days like you’re meant to so I’ve never seen the secret skip option

[thefallennightmare]

Masked: Stalker!Noah Sebastian-Part One

*gif created by me. Please feel free to use this, just give credit. All pictures for the covers are not mine, all found on pinterest. *

Pairings: Stalker!Noah Sebastian x Reader.

Warnings: this will be a very dark romance-inspired three parter, you have been warned. angst, fluff, language, stalking, breaking and entering, watching someone sleep, blood, some medical talk, a scene of someone receiving stitches, murder, torture, and smut which includes p in v, primal play, knife play, mask kink, chasing through words, consensual nonconsensual, oral with female and male receiving, fingering, possible anal play, edging,

Summary: Readers' sex live had been anything but exciting for years. Curiosity peeks when she stumbles upon a website where people sign up to meet strangers for a wild night of sex based on similar kinks. She meets a masked man that opened up her eyes to a world of different sexual kinks and when the night is over, she's ready to move on. The masked man, however, is not. One imprint of her on his skin is enough to make him obsessed. He'll do whatever he can to make sure she is his; whether she agrees or not.

Authors Note: as I mentioned, this is going to be very dark. So if any of the warnings are not for you, please don't read. I understand everyone has limits and that's okay! This will be a total of three parts that will be posted throughout the month of October! Part one is very tame but I promise part two and three will make up for it!

Tags[OPEN]: @blueskylinesx @artificialbreezy @collidewiththesavannah @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @chewyylynn @joe9cool @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @lma1986 @amelia-acero @poisongirl616 @badomensls @tosoundlessdarkistare @ooh-whatever-nevermind @shayeanna-ashlie @sweetlittlekitsune @theanarchymuse95 @fadingintothegrey @xserenax-13 @hayleylatour @klutzy-kay24 @rumoured-whispers @omensbrainrot @mapsychoticimagination @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @idwt-money @mrsnoahsebastian

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. NONE OF THIS IS REAL OR HAPPENED.

READER

I gnawed ruthlessly on my bottom lip as I continued to stare at my laptop screen, wondering if what I was about to do was a good idea. Surely I had to be insane to even think of this. I should have ignored Missy, my coworker and fellow E.R nurse, as she rambled on about this website while we were at work yesterday. She rambled on about how she signed up for a wild night of sex with a random stranger, I blanched at how nonchalant she was about it. When I expressed my concerns about the safety of this website, Missy explained how everyone has to go through a background check and need to upload a copy of an STD test. Whoever created the website wanted everyone to be safe, in more ways than one. 

The topic of this conversation was brought up when I mentioned how it had been nearly six months since I last had sex. But it had been extremely difficult to find a man that could satisfy the needs I had. To which Missy told me about this site. She had met four different men from it and claimed it was some of the best sex she’s had. 

After I muttered a quick fuck it to myself, I was now sitting in the darkness of my living room as I put in my information on this dreaded website to hopefully find a sexual partner that matched my own wants and kinks. I thought I knew what I was into but clearly, after reading this checklist I needed to mark off, I realized there was more to sexual experiences than I thought. 

Mask kink? Definitely. 

Knife play? Sounds dangerous but I’ll try it. 

Primal play? Yes please. 

Wait, am I reading this right? Piss kink? I’m not one to kink shame but no thanks. 

Praise kink? Call me a good girl and I’ll be on my knees faster than you can count to two.

I spent the next few minutes filling out the questionnaire. I had to look up what somnophilia meant and after some deep consideration, I marked it as a yes, but with limits. 

Once my important documents were uploaded, I had to choose a safe word and a code word for when me and my partner would finally meet up. Safe word was mercy and our code word was the coyote's cry. 

“If I get murdered, I’m going to come back and haunt Missy for talking me into this.” I grumbled while sitting back on my couch as I waited for the match results to show up on my laptop. 

Even though the prospect of this was daunting, I desperately needed a night like this. Ever since I graduated highschool and started med school, I worked non stop until I was finally able to land my dream job working in one of the top hospitals in Los Angeles. My bosses could always count on me to get the nasty work done and stay extra hours if need be. I was always loyal and never took off unless I was sick; which was rare. I spent all of my younger years studying and never had the chance to express or find myself. Now at twenty six, I was determined to live my life how I wanted.

A loud ping from my laptop pulled me from my thoughts and I sucked in a breath at the message on screen. 

You’ve got a match!

With shaking fingers, I clicked on the message and was now staring at a profile of a man donned in a black ski mask with odd white symbols. His dark eyes pierced into my soul and I felt hot all over. I was pinned to my couch unable to move as I read over his very limited profile. Due to being anonymous on the site, names were forbidden so his profile name was Masked.Omen while mine was Dark.Angel. At the bottom of his profile showed everything he was into sexually and I couldn’t help but internally smirk when I realized we were into a lot of the same things; give or take a few things I hadn't heard of. 

One thing caught my attention and it was when and where we would be meeting. In two days at a halloween party. The address was listed and after doing some research, I found out it was on a secluded manor grounds, far away from the city I currently lived in. The size of the manor was triple the size of my apartment and I couldn’t help but wonder if he lived there. Along with where we were meeting was the details of our sexual excursion. 

Primal play. Get ready for a hunt.

“Wait,” I muttered while looking at the details even further. “Halloween Party? So there will be other people there?”

My heart rate picked up momentarily because how was I going to be able to spot this man out in a large group of people? How would we have sex with other people there? I did not choose “orgy” as an option. A threeway with another man? Sure. But not multiple partners. 

“What the fuck did I get myself into?” I groaned while snapping my laptop shut. 

I had two days to find a costume when Halloween was so close, meaning I had slim pickings. Tying up my hair into a claw clip, I slipped into my shoes and tossed my bag over my shoulder, the prospect of hooking up with a total stranger bringing a small smile to my lips. 

Was I a sick fuck for it? Possibly. But I didn’t care. I accepted that I was into the darker type of things years ago. I was never ashamed of it and I refused to let others shame me. But the sexual partners I had in the past couldn’t quite meet my needs. Of course, I wanted to go into this night with no high expectations because this masked.omen could very well be like every other guy I slept with. 

Boring and quiet. 

As I took down the steps of my apartment towards my car that was parked in the parking lot, I pulled out my phone to send a quick text to Missy. 

Me: If I get murdered because I took your advice and meet up with this stranger, I’m going to come back and haunt your ass. 

Missy: Oh, who did you match with?

Once I was settled in my car, I replied. 

Me: Masked.Omens. 

It was a few moments before Missy replied. 

Missy: No fucking way! 

Missy: I’ve seen his profile on that site for months but no one ever matched with him! I’m not going to lie, I’m low key jealous because his profile pic is so fucking hot. That mask? Sign me the fuck up. 

Missy: I can’t believe you got matched with him! No one has ever matched him. It’s so hard. Trust me, I’ve tried to rig the site so I can match with him. I have a few other friends who are on that site and they also never match with Masked.Omens. Much to their dismay.

Why did that little bit of information fill me with a sense of pride? 

Because you’re fucked up and you love the attention. 

Ignoring the voice inside of my head, I typed back to Missy. 

Me: Consider me a lucky gal. At least I’ll get murdered by a sought after masked man. 

Missy: I’ll tell everyone you went out with a bang. Literally. 

Rolling my eyes, I dropped my phone into the cup holder and pulled the car out of the parking spot, heading towards the nearest Spirit Halloween. 

READER

The bass of the music vibrated against my chest as I walked up the long driveway towards the dark estate. And not dark because of the moon up in the horizon. Dark from its exterior that was painted black. The only source of lights were spot lights scattered throughout the yard and the orange string lights wrapped around the four posts on the front porch. As I neared the front door, I adjusted the large black wings on my back and pulled at the short skirt, trying yet failing to cover my ass. 

As I suspected, the selection of costumes at Spirit Halloween was small. Either the dark angel costume I was currently wearing or a hot dog. 

The black corset was tight, a size too small, but it made my breasts look fantastic so I tried not to complain too much. The fishnets I wore were littered with gems, which would sparkle when they caught the light just right. Never being a heel type of woman, I decided on wearing my black combat boots. My long hair fell around my shoulders in waves and I was sporting a red smokey eye and blood red lipstick. I couldn’t help but stop and stare at my reflection for a few moments before leaving my apartment earlier which ended up making me late tonight. Masked.Omens and I were supposed to meet around 8 p.m. but it was nearing nine by the time I stepped through the front door of the packed house. Almost immediately my eyes caught sight of a large happy birthday banner on the banister of the staircase

We were able to send messages between the partners we match with on the site so I sent Masked.Omens a quick message as I got into my car earlier. 

Dark.Angel: Hi, sorry if this seems weird that I’m messaging you before we even have a chance to meet but I wanted to let you know I’m running late. Not sure if you care or not. Or if you’ll even be there tonight. For all I know, you probably haven’t been signed in on here for months and I’m coming to meet a ghost. Well, it wouldn’t make sense since you sent the meet up instructions. Unless it was already predetermined. 

Dark.Angel: Sorry I’m rambling. I’ll be there closer to nine. If you even still want to meet up after my insane message. 

Dark.Angel: I’ll be dressed as a dark angel. See you soon. Again, sorry.

I had a tendency to ramble on when I got nervous and I couldn’t help but worry I scared Masked.Omens away because he never replied. 

I saw a variety of different costumes as I pushed myself farther into the house. Couples were making out against the couches or the walls while groups  of people were playing a variety of different drinking games. Nerves ate away at my insides when the realization of exactly what I was here to do began to set in. For the last couple of days, I went back and forth with the reasonable part of my mind on if this was a good idea or not. I needed this; craved a night to let go and forget about the horrors I saw every day at work. Forget about the rough upbringing I had. Both of my parents gave up on me when I decided to go to medical school rather than take over the family restaurant. It wasn’t me, it wasn't what I wanted. They weren’t happy that I was twenty six and still not married and they didn’t have any grandchildren. 

Again, something I didn’t think I wanted. 

The pressure from my parents and med school the last eight years were enough to make anyone snap. So even though I was hesitant about tonight, it didn’t surprise me that I was here about to have sex with a stranger. I atleast knew my other sexual partners. 

The only thing I knew about Masked.Omens was the colors of his eyes; dark as the sky in a raging storm. And we had similar kinks. 

I felt burning gazes on my back as I stepped farther into the house, most gazes on my ass, and I did my best to ignore the inflating ego that was beginning to creep in. I always loved when the attention was on me but I was always collected about it. I never let it affect the way I treated myself or others. When I pushed my way into the kitchen, I made a direct line towards the large island that held all of the drinks. My eyes lingered over each of the bottles with my bottom lip caught between my teeth. I wasn’t much of a drinker, opting to have a glass of red wine every now and then, however with the nerves about tonight, I felt like filling my veins with some liquid courage. 

“Can I get you anything?” 

My gaze snapped up to a voice thick with an accent and felt my breath hitch at the sight of a man in front of me. He stood on the other side of the island, long hair pulled back into a low bun to showcase his black eyes. A nose ring glimmered in the low lights from the kitchen and the facial hair that covered his face was perfectly trimmed. 

“Uh,” I licked my dry lips. “What do you recommend? I usually drink wine so I’m not familiar with hard liquor.”

The man gave me a heart stopping smile before turning towards the fridge and pulled two bottles out. 

“Red or white?” He questioned. 

“Red please,” I smiled, watching as he poured the scarlet liquid into a glass he grabbed from one of the cabinets. 

When he handed the glass towards me, I noticed tattoos on his fingers. 

“Thank you,” I brought it to my lips and internally hummed at the delicious taste. 

“Are you meeting someone?” He asked while extending his hands across the edge of the counter, showcasing his muscles underneath the long sleeves of his sweater. 

I nearly choked on my drink. Did this man know who I was here to meet someone? Was he Masked.Omens? 

“Um, no-well, maybe. Yes?”

He let out a deep rumble of a laugh and it was then I noticed he wasn’t dressed in costume but I did say anything about it. 

“I’m Joakim.”

“Joakim?” I cringed at how bad I pronounced it and feared I offended him until his laughter was now a booming echo over the music. 

“You can call me Jolly,” he said with a bright smile. 

“Now if I mess that up then there’s something wrong with me,” I joked before taking a long sip of my wine. “I’m Y/N.” 

We chatted for a few moments before another man came up beside Jolly, smacking him on his shoulder. His hair was as dark as Jolly’s but it was falling around his shoulders. He had tattoos covering his arms and I noticed he also wasn’t dressed in a costume. 

“Did you guys not get the memo of a costume party?” I teased, setting down the empty glass on the counter. 

“Can’t you tell?” The new man spoke. “We’re dressed up as rockstars.” 

I smirked as Jolly filled my glass again. “Now that’s weak.” 

The man joined mine and Jolly’s conversation and I found out his name was Nicholas. They were best friends and lived here with their two other friends. I told them about how I was a nurse in the emergency department at the local hospital. It was an easy going conversation with both of them and with the second glass of wine finished, I felt myself loosen up. 

“Well, Y/N. I hope you have some fun tonight. I need to steal Jolly for a bit so we can deal with a couple that had a little too much to drink and they’ve locked themselves in the bathroom,” Nichols said. 

Giving them a small wave, I watched them leave the kitchen as I found myself alone; again. With a peek at the clock on the stove, I noticed it was nearing ten p.m, almost two hours after my original meet time with Masked.Omens and I was beginning to question if he really was here tonight. 

I could find someone and ask if they’d seen him here. 

A snort erupted from my throat when I realized how stupid that idea was. I didn’t know what this guy looked like beneath the mask and with the amount of guys I can count in this room alone who were donning a mask, the task of finding Masked.Omens was impossible. 

“I’m starting to think I was right,” I muttered to myself before drowning the rest of my wine. 

I was about to turn on my heels, ready to leave the party and forget about ever signing up on the website when I felt a strong hand at my side, gripping me. I went rigid in the unfamiliar grasp and just before my flight or fight kicked in, a distorted voice sounded in my ear. 

“The coyotes cry in the woods behind the house.”

My skin was set ablaze and my pussy clenched, knowing what those words meant. I tried to look over my shoulder at the man but leather fingers pushed my chin forward, forcing me to look out the patio doors towards the dark woods behind the house. It sounded like he used some kind of modulator to distort the way his voice sounded. 

I gulped as my voice came out weak. “How do I know it’s you?” 

Even though he said the code word, I couldn’t be too trusting especially with what we were about to do. 

“Don’t worry, angel. You’re not meeting a ghost. Fuck, you smell so good,” his lips grazed over my ears and my body shivered at not only his touch but the nickname. It was clear he read my messages to him earlier. Without a doubt, the man looming behind me was Masked.Omens. 

“I’ll give you a five minute headstart and when I find you, I’m going to fuck you so hard that your screams of pleasure are going to be drowned out by my cock snapping in and out of your tight cunt.”

Gone was the warmth at my back, a chill blanketing over me with his declaration of what he was going to do to me tonight. 

No. His promise. 

“And if I say no?” I retorted back while glancing over my shoulder towards him, seeing pink and plump lips through the mouth hole of the mask. 

A breathy chuckle tickled the back of my neck when he shifted his position. “This is what you signed up for. If you want an out, just say the safe word and you’re free to walk out the front door.” 

My silence was my answer. Even if I was scared shitless about what was to come, there was no way I was going to turn back now. I had one foot in the door, might as well drag the other inside. 

“Should we maybe go over some rules?” I asked, my voice giving way on how nervous I was. 

The man behind me let out a low rumble in his chest as his fingers dragged through the feathers of my wings. There was a long beat of silence and if he wasn’t ruffling my wings, I would have thought he left. 

“We already have a safe word. What other rules would you want?” His distorted voice made me shudder. 

I shrugged. “We also already know each other's limits, although you don’t have nearly enough as I do. I guess, once you catch me, that means this is done?” 

The man made a noise that sounded ruthless because of whatever he was using to distort his voice. 

“The game ends when either you say the safe word or when you’re screaming your release.”

Fuck. 

How has this man, this stranger, had such an effect on me? I had no idea what he looked like underneath that mask which should scare me. Instead, it was the complete opposite. I wanted his to ravage me in the dirt, fuck me until I could barley walk once we were done.

“Okay,” I breathed. 

“Five minutes until you’re choking on my cock,” soft teeth nipped at my neck before the warmth was gone from my back. 

Whirling around, I nearly choked on my breath when I saw a tall figure leaning against the far wall of the kitchen, next to Jolly and Nicholas. The man wore a mask, the same mask from his profile picture with the white symbols on the front of it. 

Masked.Omens. 

His body was hidden underneath a black jacket, black turtleneck, and black cargo pants. His left ankle was crossed over his right, showcasing the heavy boots he wore. 

I wonder if he’d let me kiss them or maybe step on my throat if I asked him. 

I shook my head at the very detailed intrusive thoughts. Clearly I’d gone so long without sex that my mind thought it was a societal norm to run my tongue along the leather soles of his boots or have them crush my windpipe. 

“You’re so fucked up,” I conversed with myself but then shrugged, realizing a long time ago how fucked up I truly was. 

Movement caught my attention away from his boots and I realized he’d been shaking something in his hand. 

A phone. With a timer. Counting down. 

3 minutes and 23 seconds. 

Shit. 

“Flap those wings, angel,” his distorted voice called over towards me in a sudden lull of music.

A moan caught in my throat as the realization that this was indeed happening. There was no turning back. I was about to have this man chase me through the woods and fuck me. 

You should run. Out the front door away from this man and never look back. 

Instead, I turned on my heels and ran out the back door towards the dense woods behind the house, my heart rate erratic with the upcoming evening I was about to endure. 

There was a chill in the air tonight, unlike the typical Los Angeles weather. The moon was up high in the sky, bathing the grass in a milky glow as my boots ran through it. My heart was jumping in my throat, making it difficult to breathe as my arms pumped up and down. The wings at my back flapped through the wind, almost like I was trying to take flight up into the air. 

Leaves and twigs snapped underneath my boots as I pushed through branches, running deeper into the woods. I didn’t have a timer running down but I knew that those three minutes surely had to be up. Taking a chance, I came to a halt in the middle of the woods to gather my surroundings. It was dark, only lit up from the moon above so it gave me limited light but I saw a large rock about five feet to my left. 

I lurched towards it but halted when I heard a twig snap in the darkness and immediately I fell to my knees as my heart jumped in my throat. My knees were cut up from the sharp jagged rocks I was kneeling on as I tried to move quietly as footsteps came closer. 

“Where are you?” came the distorted voice in a sing-song voice. 

I cursed myself when I couldn’t see his form through the trees and as I neared the large rock to hide behind, I reared my hand back with a hiss falling from my lips when I grabbed a piece of what looked like forgotten broken glass. Blood dripped down to my thigh as I held up my palm to inspect the large cut. It wasn’t deep but the nurse part of me knew that if I didn’t bandage this wound up soon, it would get infected. 

Pressing it to my chest, I crawled the last bit towards the rock, not caring how much noise I made just as long as I was hidden. Masked.Omens footsteps sounded far away and I let myself relax into the rock to catch my breath and I tried so hard to bite back the tears as my hand burned from the cut. 

“Is that blood I smell?” 

The growing distorted voice sounded way too close, making me jump as I clamped my good hand over my mouth to muffle my scream. My arousal outweighed my fear and I knew that my panties were wet from the chase. Primal play was one of my top fantasies and the fact that I was finally living it made my pussy clench. 

It was odd how quiet he sounded as he trekked through the woods, almost like he was weighless. His presence was like a ghost. I couldn’t see him in the darkness but I could feel his cold stare at the back of my neck. In the darkness, a hauntingly beautiful humming broke through the trees in the skyline. It was an eerie lullaby that pulled me under the waves, swallowing every part of me.

Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum dun da dun.

“You come and go in waves,” Masked.Omens distorted voice sang out, suddenly very, very close by. 

Tilting my head back, I glanced up at the sky and muffled my scream into my hand when I saw a pair of dark eyes staring down at me as he leaned over the top of the rock. 

“Found you,” his teeth sparkled in the low light of the moon and I scrambled to my feet in a scream, running away from him again. 

As I ran, low branches whacked me in my face as I did my best to dodge them but I could feel the wind brush against the small cuts on my cheeks. I expected to hear the wildlife scurrying away from me as I ran through their home but besides my heavy breathing and the crunching of the leaves beneath my feet, everything was silent. 

“Shit!” I shrieked when my ankle got caught at a vine hidden beneath some brush, nearly causing me to stumble over my feet. 

Thankfully I was always quick on my feet and I was able to pick up speed again, not falling flat on my face. Masked.Omens had been too quiet, I didn’t even feel his presence behind me anymore. The clearing of the woods was about six feet ahead of me and I could vaguely make out the lines of cars that were parked along the long driveway. 

If I continue to run in this direction, I would undoubtedly be seen by the people either leaving the party or arriving late. I needed to think of a new plan. Maybe I could quickly turn and run the other way without being-.

My body collided with a tree. No, not a tree but a wall of hard muscle and heat. Arms wrapped around me to keep me from falling and I looked up, being met with dark eyes beneath the mask. 

“Caught you, angel,” Masked.Omens gave me a wicked smile before kicking out my feet, knocking me on my ass. 

Before I could yell in protest for how hard I fell to the ground, he was on top of me in a flash, flicking something out of his pocket and it made me stiff. The glow of the moon glinted on the blade of a knife; a very sharp pocket knife. 

“Oh god,” I almost sobbed while scooting away from him, only for him to drag me back by my ankle.

I’m going to die. He uses the website as a way to find easy victims and here I was, about to die because I was desperate for a dick. 

“Shh,” he hushed me and shook the knife in front of my face. “If I wanted to kill you, I would have the first time I found you.” 

I pursed my lips, realizing he was right, but I still couldn't stop the way my heart lurched into my throat. Masked.Omens brushed his nose along my jawline, breathing me in. 

“I can smell you better when no one is around,” he groaned, pressing his hips into mine, keeping me locked in place on the dirty ground beneath me.

The hard line of his cock pushed against the inside of my thigh and my eyes widened when I felt how big he was. There was no way he’d fit inside of me, it would have to be a stretch. 

A hiss fell from my lips when the tip of the blade dragged down the swell of my breasts before it skimmed over the front of my corset. Masked.Omens eyes bled into the darkness of his mask as he titled his head down at me, his body heavy against mine as he continued to pin me down to the ground. 

I reached out towards his mask, a sudden desperation filling me wanting to see what he looked like beneath it. His large gloved hand shot out and pinned both of my hands above my head and the corner of his lip tilted up in a sly smirk. 

“You’re a desperate little whore, aren’t you?” His dark and distorted voice taunted me. 

“I just want to see your face,” I admitted with a shaky breath. 

Masked.Omens simply shook his head before ripping the sharp blade through my corset, it falling to the ground in a forgotten heap of material. My lips parted to protest but the blade was held to my neck, quickly silencing me. 

“Your tits are perfect,” he groaned while playing with my left tit with the hand that wasn't holding my hands above my head. 

My bottom lip was caught between my teeth as I arched my back off the ground, rocks digging into the calmly skin. Even with the cool air tonight, from the chase it made me break out in a sweat. I wasn’t the fittest and it showed with how I was trying to still catch my breath. With my work schedule, it kept me on my feet and active so the last thing I wanted to do most days when I got off was spend it in the gym.

At the thought of work, I wiggled my hands in his grasp when I remembered the wound on the inside of my palm. Something Masked.Omens noticed with the way my face cringed so he gently brought the injured palm up to his face, inspecting it. 

“What happened?”

I swallowed, feeling the shift in the air from sexual to concern. “Uh-while I was crawling away, I grabbed a piece of broken glass.” 

A slew of curses fell from his lips before he took the hem of his long shirt and ripped a long strip of it. With careful hands, he wrapped around the piece of shirt around the wound a few times before tying it off. My eyes watched with an unfamiliar feeling surging through my heart. It was supposed to be a quick hook up; one fuck and be done. But from the moment I felt his breath against my neck in the kitchen, it was as if the stars aligned and my soul began to vibrate. 

“I don’t think you need stitches but you’ll definitely need to wash it out to clean out any infection.” 

It was odd, hearing the concern in the distorted voice of his. 

I nodded. “I’m a nurse. I’ve got everything I need at home to clean it.” 

“Good,” gone was the concern in his voice and eyes, replaced with lust. “On your knees, angel.” 

Masked.Omens rose to his feet now towering over me and not wanting to disappoint, I rose to my knees then gaze up at him through my lashes. The wings on my back were skewed so he reached out and straightened them. 

“These stay on,” he motioned towards the dark wings. 

I couldn’t speak, the sight of him dressed in all black, seemingly blending into the darkness surrounding us stole all the words from me. There was a bright light from the back patio that broke through the trees, bathing us in a faint glimmer.

“Words. You need to use your words,” his leather clad fingers tapped my cheek. 

“Okay,” I cleared my throat, doing my best to keep my voice loud and strong. 

“Okay what?” His voice was even darker even with the distortion to it. 

My brows furrowed together as the confusion etched deep into my skin but when his hand gripped around my throat giving it a squeeze, I realized what he’d been looking for. 

“Okay sir,” I choked out as the air began leaving my lungs due to his tight grip. 

“Good girl,” he praised before dropping his hold on me to rip out the belt from his pants. 

He moved so quietly that if it wasn’t for the light on us I would have thought he left me here in the woods alone, topeless. My hands wrenched behind my back just underneath the edge of the wings, and I felt the tight bind of leather around my wrists. 

I let out a low hiss when his fingers gripped my scalp, yanking my head back and I noticed he held his phone in front of us, with the camera open. 

“Smile pretty for me, angel,” he ordered while resting his cheek against my own before taking two pictures and slipped his phone back into his pocket. 

Masked.Omens dragged his fingers over my shoulder down to my breasts as he walked back around in front of me. 

“I don’t know if I want to fuck these perfect tits or shove my cock down your throat.” 

For a brief moment, I could have sworn the distortion in his voice was gone and it was his normal voice that spoke into the night. 

All of a sudden, his grip was in my hair, yanking my head back so I could peer up at him. He radiated fear, dominance, and pure darkness. The kind that loomed in the corner of your bedroom while you slept, waiting to drag you down to the depths with him. I should be scared of him and the way he looked at me like he wanted to devour me but it was the opposite. I wanted to dive right into the darkness with him head first. 

A thumb brushed along my lip, smearing the lipstick all over my chin. “Open up for me, angel.” 

Not wanting to disappoint, I parted my lips for him as he worked open the button and zipper of his pants with the other hand, yanking out his erect cock from the waistband of his briefs. I couldn’t help but gawk at how thick it was. Red and angry from how long he had to wait for this. 

My tongue darted out to wet my lips but tasted leather instead. I realized his thumb was still brushing over my mouth. Wetness pooled in my panties as I wrapped my lips around his thumb, sucking it deep into my mouth. The leather of his glove left a weird aftertaste on my tongue but I didn’t let it stop me from gazing up at him as I continued to swirl around his thumb, mimicking what I wanted to do to his cock. 

The noise that rumbled from his chest was not of this earth as he pulled his thumb from my mouth with a loud pop and grasped his cock, giving himself a few pumps. 

“Since your mouth and hands are a bit preoccupied, if you need me to stop blink twice, alright?” 

It was weird how Masked.Omens was able to quickly shift from his dark side to this comforting side. We didn’t know each other but he still managed to care about me.

Get over yourself, Y/N. This is supposed to be a quick fuck. That’s it.

The head of his cock brushing against my lips snapped me from my thoughts and with an eagerness filling me, I let him sink his cock deep down my throat. Both of us let out a shared groan. 

“Your mouth is so fucking warm.” His voice with the modulator made my skin prickle as I did my best to take more of him. “Relax angel, open that throat for me.”

I was pretty skilled with oral so I was able to take a cock far down however his cock was by far the longest and thickest I’d ever taken so it was a bit of a struggle. I guided my tongue along his fast, pressing ever so lightly. Masked.Omens titled his head back in pleasure while his hands ran through the long strands of my hair, burying them deep. My scalp burned but in such a good way that my moan vibrated against him. 

“Shit,” he hissed when my teeth scraped along the head of his cock. 

Before I could give a look of an apology, afraid I hurt him, he forced my head farther onto his dick. 

“Do it again,” the distorted voice demanded. 

I did. I dug my teeth along the soft skin of his cock, up and down as he guided my head. Drool slipped from the corners of my mouth and tears burned in my eyes, undoubtedly making my mascara run down my face. I was sure my red lipstick stained him, especially when he shoved himself so far down his cock, I pressed my lips against the dark hairs that lined his pelvis. 

“I love the way your makeup runs down your face,” he cocked his head to the side, drinking me in. 

My eyes sparkled at his words so I thanked him by taking him even farther down my throat, choking on it. 

“An-angel,” he grunted, nearly stumbling over his words before he ripped me off of him with an echoing pop. 

I gulped in a deep breath just as he tossed me onto the ground on my stomach, sticks digging into my stomach and breasts. The sound of his pocket knife clicking open and then I felt my skirt falling away from me. 

“Did you just cut my skirt?” I asked, growing irritated that he kept cutting my clothes. 

Masked.Omens didn't say anything as he cut off the straps of the angel wings before setting it nicely beside us. His warm breath fanned over my spine as he traced it from the top to bottom with kisses. My hands were still bound with his belt and when I tried to ease away the stiffness, I brushed along his still wet cock from my saliva. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could tell he was still dressed in his entire get up. 

Was he planning on being dressed the entire time? 

“Orange is your color,” he said while fingering the waistband of my thong. 

Right before he cut it away from me, leaving me completely naked in the dirty leaves, only wearing my fishnets and combat boots. In order to reach my pussy, he cut open a large hole into my fishnet stockings. 

“I fucking hate you,” I growled. 

He brushed the head of his cock against my very wet folds. “Are you sure about that?” 

I shook my head feverishly when he began to press inside slowly. It was previously mentioned on the website that both of us were STD free and I had a birth control implant. So it was up to us whether we wanted to use a condom or not. 

My spine stiffened when I felt cool metal replace his cock and when it pushed inside of me, I let out a strangled cry. 

“I want your tight cunt to fuck my knife. Understood?” His teeth grazed over the shell of my ear. 

“Yes sir,” I rasped. 

Again, I should be scared. Terrified even. But the idea of fucking something other than a dildo or a dick excited me. 

My walls clenched around the handle of the knife as he forced it in and out of me, slow at first so he could figure out a pace that worked best but then without warning, his pace picked up until he was roughly fucking me with the handle. I spat out dirt and leaves while letting out a cry of euphoria. The handle was smaller than a dick but with the force of it slamming in and out of me, it was just enough to light the fire low in my gut and made the base of my spine buzz with the familiar feeling. My orgasm was building like a tidal wave, ready to crash into the shore and taking whoever in its path. 

“I’m so close,” I panted as my body writhed underneath the weight of Masked.Omens as he leaned over me, still fucking me with the knife handle. 

“You’re so fucking wet, angel,” he groaned when he leaned back and gazed down at the knife settling in between my legs. 

“Don’t stop. Please,” I begged, whining when he pulled the knife out completely. 

I was then faced with its slick handle in front of me and I nearly gasped when I saw my arousal dripping from it onto the ground. 

“Lick it clean,” his gruff voice ordered me, still distorted by whatever modulator he was using. 

Why didn’t he want me to hear his actual voice? Was it part of his whole get up? 

“What if I cut myself?” I gave way to my worry if I licked it too far and sliced my tongue on the sharp blade. 

Masked.Omens brushed away the strands of hair full of dirt and leaves away from my face before I felt his warm breath against my cheek. 

“I’ll make sure you won’t,” the sincerity in his voice made something flutter low in my gut. 

My eyes flicked over to him as he leaned over my shoulder and gone was the darkness that lay inside of them. A light broke through and it was at that moment I noticed they were a mahogany color. All I could see was his eyes and lips where ginger hair peppered around them. That’s all I needed to know that he was breathtakingly gorgeous. 

Ever so slowly, he pressed the handle of the knife between my lips and I tasted the bittersweet taste of my arousal, humming in pleasure. 

“I bet you taste so fucking good,” Masked.Omens sighed, almost disappointed that he wasn’t able to taste me himself. 

I never said he couldn’t. 

Almost like he read my thoughts, he yanked the knife from my mouth and let it drop. His hands held my hips with a bruising force, halting me up slightly so my pussy was directly in line with those luscious lips. Since my hands were still bound behind my back, my body folded awkwardly but I dared not to complain, afraid that he would change his mind. 

“So pretty and wet, all for me,” he mused with a flick of his tongue over my clit. 

“Oh god,” I moaned, pressing my pussy closer to his mouth. 

I needed more of him. Desperately. 

A swift smack to my ass echoed in the woods causing me to cry out. “No god here, angel. Just you and me.”

All at once, his mouth devoured my pussy, tongue fucking me for a few beats before his teeth grazed over the overly sensitive bud of my clit. I was still throbbing from my almost earlier orgrasm so all it took was his face between my legs for a few seconds before my release rushed out of me with a howl of euphoria. I cried out while writing against his face, making his grip on my hips tighten as he licked and sucked me through my orgasm. 

“I fucking love the way you taste,” a gentle kiss to my over stimulated clit. 

I was breathless, ready to fall into a heap in the ground, but Masked.Omens had other plans. 

“I know we’re both clean and I know you’re on the implant,” a tender kiss to my back made me shiver. “I want to feel all of you. Are you alright with that?” 

All I could do was nod which didn’t seem to please him because he landed another smack to my ass. 

“Try that again,” he snarled. 

Oh, right. 

“Yes sir,” I squeaked out. 

“Good fucking girl,” he crooned before sinking himself deep inside of me. 

It was an adjustment to have him fit in between my walls. His cock was much larger than previous ones I’d taken and he had to pull himself out before sinking in slowly a few times until I was fully open for him. 

“You take my cock so well, angel. Like you were made for me,” he said while snapping his hips against my ass. 

The only noises that lingered in the air of the woods was our shared panting, skin on skin, and me writing in the crunchy leaves. Every time Masked.Omens would piston his cock into me, my body would shift up half an inch. He let out a low growl and wrapped an arm around my midsection. He hoisted us up so he was kneeling and I was speared open on his cock. The new angle made stars dance in the edge of my vision and I rested my head against his shoulder. I felt the rough material of his clothes scratch against the bareness of my back as he lifted me up and down on him. 

“I love the way you fuck,” Masked.Omens sank he teeth into my neck and I cried out. 

Suddenly, a cold bite of metal was pressed against the spot he bit down and I froze in his grasp.

“I need you to be quiet. I can’t have people hearing how pretty you sound,” he grunted when his cock swelled inside of me. 

He was close. 

With the knife pressed into my throat, I rolled my hips against him, trying to bring him closer to the edge because I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer. The second he slipped himself inside of me, my second orgasm was building. I was so far gone in the aura of him, desperate for that release, I hadn’t realized the tip of the blade pressed a bit too hard into my skin, drawing the smallest of blood. 

Masked.Omens changed our position again, once more being face down on the ground as his entire body laid against my mine, his pace almost ruthless and erratic. A curse fell from his lips and then something soft brushed against my back. 

“I’m going to fill up that pretty little cunt, angel.” 

I was so far gone in my bliss, about to jump over the edge of desire, that I almost missed he’d taken off his mask and it was his true voice that was spoken into the skin of my shoulder. I lifted my head to try and get a peek at him but Masked.Omens let out a noise of disappointment and shoved my face into the ground, causing me to take in a mouth of dirt. 

But I didn’t care because my second orgasm of the night ripped me in half when the head of his cock hit that spot which made my vision blur. He pumped himself a few more times until his cock twitched just as he let out a low whine, coating the inside of my walls. 

“Best. Birthday. Ever,” his voice was muffled by my hair as he buried his face into it. 

We lay there for a long moment of silence, both of us trying to catch our breath, and when he pulled himself out of me I cringed at how empty I felt. His cum ran down the inside of my thighs and I rolled onto my back before sitting up. As I did, I realized he had slipped the mask back on and just finished tucking his cock back into his briefs. 

Silence fell between us as he glanced down at me once he rose to his feet. His eyes took in the discarded costume to my side and my naked form. Shaking out of his jacket, he handed it to me with a sheepish apology; back to the distortion in his voice. Whatever was causing the change in his voice was something he had in the mask. 

“Thank you,” I smiled while wrapping myself in the large jacket. It smelled like the woods, his cologne, and a hint of sex. 

He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his pants, the hint of orange peeking out. “I’m sorry about your clothes.” 

I shook him off while slowly rising to my feet, unsteady so he reached his hands out to help me. 

“It’s alright. It was a cheap costume so I’m not too connected to them,” I added a chuckle to assure him that it was fine. 

He blinked. “You’re make up is really fucked up.” 

Now I let out a thunderous laughter while buttoning up the jacket. I drowned in it, resting above my knees so I was thankful it hid everything. 

“If I’m being honest, I only came here for our fuck meet up. So tell whoever's birthday it is that I give them the biggest wishes and sorry I couldn’t stay.” 

“I’m sure he knows.” Masked.Omens nodded. 

Clearing my throat, I pointed behind him towards where the cars were parked. “I should-uh-go.” 

His gaze burned into me as he refused to step away, letting me walk past him. My skin was set ablaze again and the wetness between my legs was evident again. Only this time it was more because of both mine and his cum. 

“Shit,” he cursed, motioning to my neck. “I nicked you with the knife.” 

My fingers immediately shot up to my neck and when I pulled them away, I saw the barest dot of blood. 

“Oh, that’s nothing. I’m sure I’m not going to bleed out.” 

I tried to joke but he snatched out for my wrist, bringing my fingers to his mouth so he could suck off the blood. I watched in horror and slight arousal as his tongue lapped up the crimson. 

Add blood play to the kink list. 

“Stay safe, angel,” he gave a curt nod after he dropped my hand from his mouth and moved to the side. 

Blinking rapidly, I did my best to smile as I walked away from him with nothing but the remembrance of how he felt inside of me and the fire he brought into my life. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, he single handedly ruined sex for me with any other man. 

NOAH

I sat low in the chair in the corner of my bedroom with my glass filled with a dark amber liquid. I rarely drank anymore but after what I’d seen earlier, I needed something to ease away the anger. How could she do that to me? To us? Was I not enough for her? 

Cleary not since I found her in bed with another. 

My head snapped over towards my desk and the array of monitors that lined the wall, all showing different angles of her apartment. She wasn’t home, starting her twenty four hour shift at the hospital three hours ago. Which meant she would be out of her apartment for at least twenty hours, giving me plenty of time to plant the microphones. The cameras I had couldn’t pick up sound and after what I saw earlier, I needed to be able to hear everything. 

I dragged my eyes over towards the wall behind my headboard where the familiar sight of black angel wings were hung up. Memories of that night replayed on my mind in a loop, the way her pussy felt squeezing my cock, the way her eyes stared up at me filled with tears as I fucked her throat ruthlessley, and the sounds she made only for me. 

My pretty angel. 

Ever since that night two weeks ago, all I could think of was her. It was only supposed to be a night thing yet here I was, staring up at the fake angel wings of her costume and fingering the lacey orange thong I stole from her. None of my roommates knew I had them, so I washed it in my bathroom sink afraid they would find it in the laundry room and question it. 

I didn’t need them prying into my life, not now, because this was all new to me. In no means was I a good person. I’ve lied, cheated,  hurt and killed people that got in the way of rising to the top of my career. I grew OMENS from the ground up, becoming one of the most feared mob gangs in Los Angeles. To everyone on the outside, we were a financial company that helped rich people sort their money into offshore funds which were actually funneling a small percentage into a secret OMENS account. 

Illegal? Highly. Did we ever get caught? No and frankley, we never would. We knew what we were doing and it had been six years of this lifestyle. 

Finishing off my drink, I rose from my chair with a groan and set the empty glass onto my desk and watched the monitors with a careful eye. The perfectionist and neat freak in me scowled at the mess she left behind in her haste to leave for work tonight. Clothes scattered all over her bed and floor, unsure if they were clean or dirty. Plates over flowing in her sink and the feed of the cameras were so crisp, I could see the crumbs on her couch from when she stuffed her face with cookies earlier. 

“She really needed to eat healthier and be a bit tidier,” I grumbled under my breath.  

It was taking everything in me not to clean up after her when I sneak in later because it was too soon for her to realize I was there. The last two weeks were filled with me watching her on the cameras, following her as she ran her errands on her off Sunday’s, and tracking her movements on her phone’s GPS when I can’t be around. All because of one night of sex. 

Joakim and Nicholas dared me to sign up for that dreaded sex website months ago and I never once got a match. I had forgotten about having a profile until I received a notification that I finally got a match. While her profile was sparse on information, I knew that with our shared kinks and turns on, we were perfect for each other. I also knew the second I stepped foot into my kitchen, watching her talk with Joakim that she would hold my heart for the rest of my life. Her eyes shined as she talked with my best friends and her laughter pieced my heart. Fuck, that smile dragged me into her genuine beauty. 

The second my cock slipped inside of her, I wasn’t going to let her go. 

After she left that night, I scurried back into the house and up to my bedroom, ignoring everyone who was there to celebrate me and locked myself in my room. Within the hour, I had figured out who she was, where she lived, and where she worked. 

Y/N. 

Her name sounded so delightful when I moaned it as I spilled myself into her orange thong; hence why I washed it in my bathroom sink instead of the laundry room with my other dirty clothes. 

I snuck into her house two days after our night together to place the hidden cameras. I was so obsessed with her and the urge to see what she was doing every moment of her day was strong. I needed her to be mine, whether she wanted it or not. It might be hard for her to adjust in the beginning but eventually, Y/N will realize this is what she wants. 

Thanks to the cameras, I was able to see that the morning after she had her hand wrapped up and according to her medical records that I hacked into, Y/N had someone at the hospital she worked to stitch her up.

I've also watched her a few times shove that blue dildo so far up that tight cunt, she screamed out in pleasure. The only thing she was wearing was the jacket I gave her that night.

Also thanks to the cameras, I saw her in bed with another man, making my blood boil. How could she lay with another, after everything we went through that night together? Did she not feel the connection we shared? 

No one would ever come between Y/N and I. 

So while she was at work, I found out everything I needed about the guy, Andy. Tattooed, muscular, and a pain in my ass. I’d get rid of him before I head over to her apartment later. I couldn’t risk any more distractions for Y/N. I needed to be the one she thought about. My cock would be the only one that would slip between her folds. My mouth would be the only one that got to taste her arousal. 

There was a soft knock on my door causing me to click out of the feed from Y/N’s apartment and now, a bunch of emails from work and numbers from the stock market were displayed on my screens. 

“Come in,” I gruffed out while sitting on the edge of my desk and crossing my arms over my chest. 

Joakim walked into my room dressed in a black dress shirt and pants, his long hair pulled back into a low bun. I raised a brow at his attire but then suddenly remembered why he was so dressed up. 

“Fuck, we have that meeting with the Robertsons,” I groaned while pinching my eyes shut. 

“They’re meeting us at the office at six,” Joakim said. 

Grumbling under my breath, I knew that this meeting would take longer than necessary because it was the Roberstons. They wanted to know every single detail about where we were sending their money and what offshore accounts would be holding it.

“I have somewhere to be at seven,” I said while walking into my closet to swap out my white shirt that had wrinkled from the long day and slipped on a black turtleneck. My black pants were still fine, no need to change those. 

Joakim’s brows furrowed while he motioned towards the angel wings above my bed. “Does it have anything to do with that?” 

My upper lip curled up in a slight snarl. When my roommates saw the new decor the next morning, they grilled me on why out of everything I could hang above my bed I decided on a pair of black costume angel wings. I played it off pretty well since they knew I was into the darker side of decor. My black walls, the dark mahogany king size bed frame that had four bed posts with hidden hooks, for extracurricular activities. The matching color desk in front of the large floor to ceiling windows. I had a gray lounge couch in front of the black brick fireplace, which was currently roaring to life with heat. On the wall across the foot of my bed was a large mirror, again something I used for my extracurricular activities. The only ounce of bright colors I had in my bedroom was the burgundy bedspread. 

I let my eyes linger for a moment on the mask perched on my desk next to the monitors, the same mask I wore that night. Along with the wings, I had the mask displayed as a trophy. A way to remind me of everything that happened that night. The modulator that distorted my voice was still stitched in, something small enough that it wouldn’t bother me. 

Next to the black mask was a similar one, only in yellow with black symbols; the symbols of our company OMNS. 

Death. 

Peace. 

Mind. 

When I needed to talk to Y/N in my stalking, I would wear the black one. Yet, it never came to that. I never got close enough to talk to her so I opted in wearing the yellow mask for moments of me sneaking into her bedroom to plant the cameras. Whenever I would follow her in the streets, I couldn’t be seen like a mad man by wearing a mask in broad daylight with others around, so I wore my hood far over my dark eyes and made sure I put enough space between me and Y/N. 

“Noah?” 

My attention snapped over towards Joakim, who was waiting for my answer. 

“Is Nicholas and Folio coming with us?” I questioned while slipping into my back peacoat. 

Joakim nodded. “Nicholas is in the car already. Folio is trying to get his guest to leave.” 

I snorted, remembering his guest showing up in the middle of the night last night. All of us lived together and it wasn’t anything new if one of us brought home a guest. They never stayed more than a few hours. None of us wanted a relationship, all busy with our careers to even give the thought of marriage and family the light of day. 

Well, that was until Y/N came along. One literal taste of her and I knew she was mine. I hadn’t slept with anyone since that night, although I cannot say the same about her; which is why she needed to be punished. 

For weeks, I left little calling cards throughout her apartment; black petunia petals. At first, it scared her but the more I left, I could see that fear be replaced with curiosity. What started with her throwing them away in a haste turned into her compiling them into a crystal vase in the middle of her coffee table. 

As I grabbed my phone, I clicked on the screen to check the time and my cock swelled when I drank in the sight of my background; Y/N and I in the woods when her hands were bound behind her back and the blissed out look in her eyes as I stood behind her. I may have got the idea to take a picture like that from a Tik Tok but I wasn’t going to tell anyone that or I wasn’t going to let anyone see my picture either. 

With a sigh, I pocketed my phone and nodded to Joakim. “Let’s get going.”

Thirty hours later, I stood blanketed in darkness, the only light emanating from the salt lamp which rested on the end table. It bathed her face in a faint orange glow and my cock twitched beneath my pants. What was supposed to be a quick meeting with the Roberstons ended up being a six hour ordeal because they got a little too squirmy when we were explaining how we ran things in our business. As soon as they left, we had to retrace our steps with how everything went down in the meeting and had to cover our tracks with the offshore accounts in case they decided to do their own digging. The topic of if they were undercover FEDS posing as a married couple had been brought up by Folio which made us all worried. 

Taking some extra precaution, we all flew to our Texas office to make sure everything was running smoothly there. One of our good friends, Matt, ran things over there and we could always trust him to keep things hidden that needed to be. 

Even though I was busy dealing with all of that, it didn’t stop me from checking in on Y/N when I could. I had yet to find time to hack into the cameras of the hospital she worked at but according to the tracker in her phone, I saw that she was still at work. Until five hours ago when I was notified she had stepped into her living room. It was on the flight back home from Texas when I pulled out my phone to watch the camera feed and watched as she stepped into her bathroom, shutting the door behind her. That was the one room in her apartment where I didn't have a camera set up. I was fucked up but not that fucked up. She needed some privacy after all. There were two hours where I wasn’t able to watch her feed and it was killing me. 

As soon as we arrived back at the manor, I packed a bag and rushed over to Y/N’s apartment, where I was currently hiding in the darkness of her bedroom, watching her sleep. I’d been here only for a few minutes and my cock was already thick in my pants as I studied the way her chest rose and fell with each deep breath she took. 

For weeks my thoughts had been plagued by Y/N and the soft moans that fell from her lips. I was desperate for her, I needed to feel her wrapped around my cock, milking it. 

As my dark eyes dragged down her exposed back when she rolled over, the sheet falling away from her, it was then that I noticed she was naked underneath her red sheets and rage filled me. This was a first for her, sleeping naked. I would know because I'd been watching her sleep for the last few weeks and she always wore an oversized shirt and cotton underwear. 

A soft click sounded over her snores and my eyes snapped over to the ensuite bathroom and now the rage was all-consuming as I watched some random man walk out wearing absolutely nothing as he slipped back into bed; her bed. 

My girl's bed. 

It wasn’t just any random man that slipped into bed with her. It was that tattooed asshole I saw before. 

Andy.

Scowling, I grasped the handle of the blade that was hiding in my pocket and ever so quietly, tip-toed towards Andy's side of the bed, ready to rid yet another obstacle in our path. 

You will be mine, angel. Whether you want it or not.

As I passed the mirror, I realized I was wearing my yellow mask and cursed to myself. I couldn’t risk speaking in my normal voice so I had to make sure to keep my mouth shut. 

Well, did it matter? This Andy fellow wouldn’t survive to point me out in a line up if I were to get caught. I snorted at that thought; I never got caught. 

Twirling the knife between my fingers, I cocked my head to the side and stared down at the man that was so close to falling into a deep slumber. That was until he felt my presence looming over him like a demon ready to possess him. Andy’s eyes snapped open, fear inking into black and before he could make a noise, I covered his mouth and nose with the soaked cloth with chloroform. 

From watching Y/N, I knew that she was a heavy sleeper especially after working her twenty four hour shifts. She could sleep through a tornado siren or even an earthquake that shook her apartment. 

Andy writhed in the sheets, kicking his feet and scratching at the black material of my jacket; all feeble attempts. Soon the light filtered from his eyes and that slumber he was desperate for earlier finally dragged him under. 

Y/N didn’t even move a muscle in the struggle of the man next to her. 

With Andy temporarily disposed of, I dragged him out of bed and let his body fall to the floor in a heap. I cringed with how loud the noise and stood breathless as I watched Y/N making sure she wouldn’t wake. She let out an obnoxious snore and rolled onto her back, exposing those perfect breasts to me. 

I let out a hushed groan when my cock pressed against the zipper of my pants and I palmed it, trying to ease away some of the pain of not being able to sink into her. I wanted to feel her clench around me again but there was an issue that needed to be dealt with. 

She looked so pretty, though. Her mouth parted slightly as she snored, hair a mess over her face, those perky and round tits that made my mouth water. I wanted to plunge my teeth deep into her nipples, marking her as mine. 

Maybe another day. 

Light as a feather, I leaned over the bed toward her awaiting lips and pressed mine over them. There was a hint of a fruity aftertaste from the Celsius drink she had at work and her lips were so soft. I couldn’t pull myself away from her as I deepened the kiss, guiding my tongue over hers. Even in her deep slumber, I swallowed the quiet moan she let out. Her tongue just began to mold against mine when I pulled away. I couldn’t risk her waking up; not now. 

Soon, angel. 

With a deep sigh, I pushed myself away from her to adjust my dick in my pants before glancing down at the heap of a body at my feet. There were two ways I could go about disposing of him; quick and clean or dirty and dark. 

With a sinister smile, I lifted up the body over my shoulder with a hushed groan. Andy may have seemed small but he was heavy like a boulder as I adjusted the sudden weight. My breath almost echoed in my mask as I gave one more longing glance towards Y/N as she lay oblivious to the masked man in her bedroom hauling away her precious little Andy. 

READER

The sound of my nails tapping on my phone screen echoed in the small break room as I sat laxed in one of the chairs. I was on hour twenty out of twenty four of my shift and after the hell that rained down tonight, I was ready to pull my hair out. A kid with a broken leg, an abused husband that swore on his life his wife wasn't the one abusing him but the signs were clear. But with no confirmation from him, we were at a standstill what to do legally. The worst of it tonight was a six car pile up that took up the majority of the night. It was constant trauma after trauma that each bay was filled. We had people waiting for rooms in the hallways. I was almost tempted to treat a patient at the receptionist desk so he didn’t bleed out all over the floor but thankfully the man with a rash was in and out of the room before I lost my medical license. 

Even with all the chaos from tonight, I was extremely grateful that we hadn’t lost anyone. A few close calls but we were able to save everyone. I still needed a moment to myself to let out a few tears, something I often did at work to steady  myself. I was one of the best E.R nurses in this hospital, some things still shook me to my core; more specifically the man with the large piece of glass sticking out of his chest. 

As soon as I stepped into the break room, I fished out my phone from my locker and sent a text to Andy. I hadn’t heard from him in a few days, after he left my apartment with a deep kiss on my lips while I slept. We’ve hooked up a few times in the past and the sex was good, great even. Although, it paled in comparison to the sex I had with Masked.Omens. No one has ever been able to light my body on fire with a simple touch or even a quick look from his dark eyes. My soul craved him in ways I never understood, it was as if we connected on a spiritual level that night. No matter how hard I tried to move on with other sexual partners, I often found myself comparing them to Masked.Omens. 

Blowing out a breath, I sent a text to Andy. 

Me: Hey, are you free tomorrow night? It’s been a hell of a week and I need to blow off some steam. 

Like the other texts I sent him, this one went ignored. He always had his read receipts on but the last four texts from the last couple of days were still at the delivered status. 

Checking my watch, I realized I had about five minutes left in my break so with a shrug of fuck it, I pulled up the same sex webiste I signed up for the night with Masked.Omens. Since I was already signed up, all I had to do was recheck my kink options to make sure if anything changed; it hadn’t. So once everything looked good, I clicked on the green match button and silently prayed to whatever God was out there that I would be matched with Masked.Omens again. 

“Damn,” I muttered as my heart dropped when I noticed that I wasn’t matched with him but with someone else. 

Glorious.Muscles. 

I let out a shuddering groan at not only the name but his profile picture. It was a typical blonde hair, blue eyed, man that radiated ‘small dick’ energy and I knew that this night of sex would be a two pumps and done kind of night. 

For a brief moment, I thought about maybe sending a message to Masked.Omens to see if he wanted to hook up instead. At least I knew he would be able to get me off, something I had a feeling Glorious.Muscles couldn’t achieve. 

Do you want to come across as an obsessive stalker? Masked.Omens will probably think you’re crazy for randomly messaging him for sex. 

Rolling my eyes at my thought, I tossed my phone back into my locker with a bit more force than necessary and dragged my feet back to work. 

Three hours later, I was forcing myself through the door of my apartment after a brutal shift, ready to take a shower and fall into my bed full of blankets. I had the next forty eight hours off which I planned on spending it in bed with junk food and trashy television. Yet, I came to a sudden halt in the middle of my kitchen when I took in a horrifying sight in front of me. 

Black petunia petals were scattered all over the floor and candles lining my kitchen counter were lit. It seemed like they were burning for quite some time because the wax was dripping down onto the marble counter. 

That was going to be a bitch to clean. 

I dropped my bags as fear iced my bones yet sweat gathered at the back of my neck when I noticed a piece of paper taped to the screen of my computer on my desk in the far corner of my apartment.

“What the fuck?” I muttered while slowly walking towards the note, not bothering to step over the petunia petals. 

My favorite flower. 

My fingers shook as I crinkled the paper between them after I ripped it off of the screen. 

My sweet cloud, 

I hope you didn’t forget who you belonged to. No man will ever come between us, not again. I wanted to leave you something to remember me by since it seems like you forget. 

I’ll be seeing you soon. 

O.

Letting out a shuddering breath, I dropped the note to the ground, not caring to watch it flutter into the petals, when I saw something else on the desk; something very familiar. 

Andy’s chain and lock necklace, covered in dry blood. 

Next to that was a print out of the sex website with the match of me and Glorious.Muscles. 

For weeks, I had the feeling someone was following me in the darkness only to see now one there. Not to mention, the black petunias weren’t anything new. This was something I’d grown used to, even started collecting them in the vase on my coffee table. It should scare me that someone was obviously stalking me and leaving me things yet I found it intriguing. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the possibilities on who it could be. 

I thought it was Andy at first, giving into the roleplay ideas I’d brought up one night but with his bloody necklace clenched in my hands, I knew I was so fucking wrong. 

Yanking out my phone from my coat pocket, I quickly dialed Andy’s number and prayed to a god I didn’t believe in that he would answer. My spine stiffened, pure ice filling my veins, when I heard ringing in my apartment; loud and grating on my ears. 

“No,” I sobbed when the ringing stopped in my apartment, only for Andy’s voicemail to pick up. 

“Oh, what’s the matter, angel? Did someone clip your wings?” A familiar distorted voice breathed against the shell of my ear. 

[ihavethedreamies]

First Kisses | NCT 127

NCT 127 - All Members

Rating: E for Everyone

Word Count: About 300 for each, so about 2.4k total

Pairing: NCT 127 x GN!Reader (Separate)

Genre: Reader-Insert, Drabble, Fluff

Summary: Your first kiss with each member of NCT 127!

Author's Note: I have never wrote drabble-length things before, so I am proud of myself I kept these so short.

I tried to keep these gender-neutral, so let me know if I didn't, but it might still be slightly implied in these the reader is AFAB, I don't think so though…

PS. Mark's and Haechan's are different from the ones for Dream…

Edited (8/28/24)

-> NCT Dream <-

-> WayV <-

I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!

Taeyong

You chewed lazily on a strand of licorice, chest pressed to the back of the chair Taeyong stole from Doyoung's room. While you were by no means a noob when it came to video games, you knew little about battle royale shooters. However, Taeyong wanted you to watch while he played. You didn't mind, you constantly watched YouTube games, but not games like that. Not really caring about what he was doing, you found your gaze drifting to his face. He really was so freaking gorgeous. "Did you see that?" His question snapped you out of your daze and you quickly looked back at the screen. Replying with a vague hum in agreement, the pause menu flashed over his screen. "You okay?" Taeyong turned to you fully, looking over your face. "Y-yeah, why?" "You're really quiet today, you normally comment more." "Oh, yeah, just…thinking." "About what?" HIs foot rested on the base of your chair, pulling it closer, only the backrest between you two. HIs concerned look had morphed into something more playful. You licked your lips, trying to think of a lie, not about how hot he was. You tried not to reel back when he brought his face closer. Why was your friend so- "Thinking about kissing me?" He smirked and your face erupted into a blush. You nearly went cross-eyes when he leaned in, "Hm?" You took the chance, closing the distance, softly pressing your lips to his. He smiled against it, kissing you back, deepening it. When you separated, his fond smile floored you. "Been thinking about that awhile."

Johnny

You could feel his eyes on you, but you chose not to acknowledge it. Continuing to chop up the various ingredients for the fried rice you were preparing, his eyes followed. But he wasn't watching what you were doing, Johnny was staring at your face. Why? You weren't for sure. "Everything okay?" You finally asked him. "Yeah, why?" He rested his chin on his palm. "You're staring. Again." "You're just so pretty." Johnny smiled. It wasn't his, 'I'm sexy and I know it,' smile; it was warm and soft. Like when he sees a puppy; it was pure. That's what threw you off. To the point that you halted all action, paddle held over the steaming rice in the cooker. "Huh?" "You're beautiful." He had no room to talk. "Is that why you've been staring at me?" "Of course." You balked at his response. Your friend was an amazing flirt, but that's not what he was doing. He said it like he was informing you of something you should already know. "You think I'm beautiful?" You put the rice paddle down. Johnny sighed dramatically, getting up off the stool, coming around the counter to your side. He cupped your cheek in his big hand, and before you could question him further, he leaned down and kissed you. Johnny swallowed your gasp, deepening the kiss. You gaped at him when he pulled away. "(Y/N), you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen." He had no room to talk.

Yuta

Your eyes fluttered open, trying to recognize where you were. The TV was on, the sequel to the movie you had put on playing. Still trying to form a coherent thought, you heard a soft grumble behind you, an arm wrapping tighter around your middle. This sensation brought a flood of recognition over your mind, realizing you were in Yuta's living room. You must have fallen asleep together on the couch. You startled when you felt him sigh behind you, his warm breath ruffling the hair on the back of your neck. The arm of his you were laying on moved under your head as he brought his hand up. Yuta's hand rested on your forehead, which he used to pull you back into him more along with the arm around your waist. "It's late, just stay the night here." His voice was rough from sleeping. Were you two dating? Pretty much. But sleeping over? You haven't even kissed yet, still transitioning from friends to something more. "Stay over?" We haven't even kissed yet." You huffed, letting out a nervous chuckle. Yuta hummed in response, then your view of the room spun as he rolled you to face him. You barely got to see his cocky, smug grin before he closed the distance, lips sealing over yours. When Yuta pulled back, you whined in protest, making him chuckle. "There, now you can stay over."

Doyoung

You shuffled out of your room, rubbing sleep out of your eyes. The morning light shining in your room had no access to your living room, keeping it dark. Your guest was still asleep, wrapped in your spare comforter on your couch. Smiling to yourself, you padded softly toward him, sitting on the floor to get a better view. It was late after you two finished your dinner and movie date, so you let Doyoung stay the night. Ever the gentleman, he insisted on the couch. You smiled, only his face was visible out of the blanket cocoon. So cute. You felt a bit like a creep, just watching him sleep, but he was just too precious. Gently, you brushed some errant hairs from his forehead, looking at every detail of his face. Flinching back when he groaned a bit, you held your breath, worried you had wakened him. "(Y/N)?" His voice was quiet, eyes still closed, you didn't know if he was still asleep or not. "Yes?" You whispered in reply. When he didn't respond back, you assumed he was still asleep, or had fallen back to sleep. Carefully getting up so you could let him continue, you yelped dramatically when his hand grabbed yours, yanking you down onto the couch with him. He had sat up as he pulled you down, so you ended up in his lap. Doyoung wrapped his arms around you, laying his head on your shoulder, cheek on your collarbone. "Morning, precious." You kissed the crown of his head. He pulled back after this, frowning slightly. Before you could ask him what was wrong, he clicked his tongue, kissing you back, but on the lips instead. When he retreated, he flashed a sleepy grin. "Morning, love."

Jaehyun

Slamming the door to your car, you sat back in the seat with a huff, fuming. You thought girls bullying other people over boys stopped in high school, yet here you were, in college. You know about Jaehyun's not so little fan-club but had been able to avoid them. But they had learned that not only were you two friends, that there was something more going on there. God forbid they learn how long it had been going on. Not wanting to drive while angry, you just sat in your car. You jumped when your phone started to ring through the car speaker when you started it. "Hey." Your voice was obviously strained. "Where are you?" Jaehyun sounded out of breath. "In my car-" "Don't go anywhere." He hung up. You blinked in shock at the call-ended flashing on the screen. Your attention was pulled away by someone knocking on the window. It was some girl, and two others were behind her, arms crossed. You sighed, rolling the window down just enough. "You're (Y/N)?" You hummed and she scoffed. "You need to leave Jaehyun alone-" "And you need to leave." You sighed as he arrived, opening the passenger side door. After he was seated, you pulled out of the parking spot, leaving the girls gaping. Neither of you said anything till you parked again at your apartment complex. He took your hand in his, "I'm sorry." You met his guilty gaze, then shook your head. "It's not your fault." He stroked the back of your hand with his thumb. Instead of replying, he leaned over the center console, capturing your lips with his. You smiled when he pulled back, "do that again and we'll call it even." So, he did.

Jungwoo

The show playing was one you had seen many times before, but since Jungwoo never had, you were rewatching it with him. Your elbow was rested on the armrest of the couch, cheek resting on your fist. Your other hand was stroking Jungwoo's soft hair as he laid on your lap. He was getting over being sick, but since you were the one who gave him the cold, you didn't mind him being all over you. He was normally clingy, let alone if he didn't feel good, like a small child. It was fine to you though; he was too cute to not let him get away with just about anything. "(Y/N?)" His soft voice was still a bit nasally. "Yes?" "I'm sorry I ruined out first date…" "What do you mean?" Your hand halted, looking down at him. He rolled over so he was laying on his back, letting him look up at you. "I nearly passed out when we were walking to the restaurant…" He drifted off, fingers coming up to nervously fiddle with your hoodie string. "Jungwoo, you had a fever, its fine." You huffed, shocked that he felt guilty about that. You were the one that got him sick. "Still… We had finally decided to go for it, then…" "Jungwoo-" He continued to ramble, apologizing, and complaining about himself. It was getting on your nerves, there was no reason for him to feel so bad. Wanting him to stop, you leaned down, lips briefly pressing to his still moving ones. You sat back up straight, face pink from the act. His was as well, but it already was from the cold he had. You flinched when his hand rested on your cheek, pulling you back down. "I can’t give this cold back to you, right?"

Mark

"Can I get this?" Mark asked, coming up to you with a frozen cheesecake. You glanced at it, not liking that he asked you as if you were his parent. "Sure? Why are you asking?" You shook your head as he put the dessert in the cart. "J-just making sure." You rolled your eyes, continuing down the aisle, glancing at your shopping list to make sure you got everything for the meal you were going to prepare. Having to buy enough food to feed nine ravenous young men was a little pricy, but everyone agreed to split the cost and send you the money, so it didn't matter what extra stuff Mark wanted. As you traversed the next aisle, you noticed his gaze focused on something on the shelf. He halted in front of it, so you turned to look at it. It was a candy necklace kit. "Let's do this!" He grabbed it and you chuckled, nodding for him to put it in the cart. "B-but just us…" He added and you raised your eyebrow. "Just us?" "Not the others. We can just make them for each other after they leave…" "You want to make me a necklace?" You teased, the tips of his ears turning red, his characteristic laugh leaving his lips. "Yeah… and I don't want you to eat it or take it off!" Mark's determined look went to your face, and you had a hard time not guffawing. "Okay, Mark." "I'm serious, don't take it off." He reiterated as you got in the car to head back to your place, the box in his hands. "I won't." "Promise?" He held out his pinky and you shook your head but completed the hand motion. Before you could your hand back though, he used your linked pinkies to haul you closer over the console, gently pressing his lips to yours. You sat back slowly, gaping at him, face equally as red. He raised an eyebrow.

Haechan

"I'm getting tired of this, (Y/N)." Donghyuck huffed at your side, and you tilted your head, confused. When he noticed your glance, he sighed, stopping. Holding your linked hands up between you two so they were in front of your face, he sighed. "This is about as far as we've gone." You looked around, wondering what the hell he was going on about, you were only halfway to his place. "This, (Y/N)." He shook your hands to draw your attention there. "What do you mean?" "We've only held hands! You've kissed my cheek and that’s about it! I'm tired of it!" If it wasn't for the silly whine of his voice, you would think him genuinely upset. "What are you getting at?" You continued your questions and he groaned; you were very smart for being so dense. "Kisses! I want you to kiss me!" Donghyuck whined louder, it nearly echoed off the stone walls of the back road you were walking. His frustration took you aback. "Why do I have to initiate?" You nearly shouted, annoyed with his dramatics. He immediately quieted, blinking at you, so very pretty- "Fine!" He yelled back and hauled you even closer with your linked hands, his soft lips touching your chapped ones. As soon as he tasted the lip balm you had put on just minutes earlier, he groaned and deepened the kiss. You squeaked a bit when your back hit the stone wall, trying to match his pace, but he was fervent. When he finally stepped back, you were almost panting. He nodded with a satisfied nod and continued on with your walk like he hadn't just swallowed your tongue.

-> NCT Dream <-

-> WayV <-

Master-Master List

NCT Master List

[thejournallo]

Explain the basic: Energy manipulation

Disclaimer: in this chapter you are going to learn the physical and spiritual meaning of energy! Everything I will talk about is information that I got from books and sites online and even videos on YouTube. In my years of practice, I learned as much as I could out of curiosity and what works best for me. I suggest you do the same by learning as much as you can on your own (I will be here making posts teaching this kind of stuff) from multiple sources.

tags: @koda-manifesting

As always, I will love to hear your thoughts! and if you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them! If you liked it, leave a comment or reblog (that is always appreciated!). if you are intrested in more method check the masterlist!

When it comes to energy manipulation, we have to remember the 12 laws of the universe!  According to these laws, we are all connected; everyone vibrates at different rates, and energy is always changing! We can use the knowledge that those laws gave us to manipulate the energy that is around us in different aspects. Before we start to talk about what energy manipulation is, let's learn what energy is, even in a more scientific aspect.

witchcraft: 

"Energy" is often referred to as the life force or spiritual power that flows through all living things and the universe itself. People who practice witchcraft often work with this energy to bring about desired changes in their lives or the world around them. This energy is believed to be manipulable through various practices such as rituals, spells, meditation, and visualization.of course Different traditions and practitioners may have their own specific beliefs and terminology surrounding energy, but it is generally understood to be a fundamental aspect of the spiritual and metaphysical realms of witchcraft.

manipulating energy: 

More often than not, we manipulate this energy, which can happen on a daily basis without our knowledge. In a more visual explanation, we are surrounded by a bubble. Bubble = spiritual energy. When we go out and do our daily things and have our daily experiences, we give some piece of bubble. Energy manipulation is understood if we are using our bubble, understood when we have to use it and use it to our own advantage. for example, "If I feel this kind of bad feeling from a person, I will use a piece of my bubble to protect myself." I used my spiritual energy to protect myself from negativity.

science:

Energy is defined as the capacity to do work or produce heat. It exists in various forms such as kinetic energy (the energy of motion), potential energy (stored energy), thermal energy (the energy associated with temperature), chemical energy (energy stored in the bonds of chemical compounds), electromagnetic energy (energy carried by light and other electromagnetic waves), and many others.

The law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be transformed from one form to another. This means that the total energy within a closed system remains constant over time, even as it may change from one form to another.

Energy plays a fundamental role in all physical processes and is a central concept in fields such as physics, chemistry, and engineering. It's a crucial aspect of understanding the behavior of matter and the interactions between different systems in the universe.

Why am I talking about physical energy?

because we can use physical energy to practice witchcraft. Let me give you another visual example.  We are going on a walk to feel relaxed and release some tense energy. We are using kinetic energy to protect our peace.  It is all in the intention and the mindset when you use this kind of physical manipulation; even lighting a candle before a spell means using thermal energy to protect the space. (I'm saying protection as an example.) You can do pretty much anything; a walk can equal aboundance if that's what you want.

NSFW TALK AHEAD (MINOR DO NOT INTERACT)

It is a bit uncomfortable for me to talk about this, but it has to be said. Carnal acts like sex or masturbation can also be used to manipulate energy, and it is a whole practice in itself called red magic, where you use the build-up energy of the orgasm and the peak release to put your intention in the world. The tricky part is to actually concentrate on your intention until you release it. 

[jonquilyst]

Day 0 - Introduction

🎵 Dear Mom and Dad, I’m doin’ fine. You guys are on my mind… 🎵

Welcome to the premiere of THE 2ND SEASON of Total Drama Sims: the hottest, freshest reality TV show on simblr. I'm your host jonquilyst, though if you tuned in to the show last season, you'll already know who I am!

14 more teenagers have gathered to put their wits, guts, and strength to the test to seek out the ✨ grand prize. ✨ Like last season, they will compete in crazy challenges, deal with less-than-perfect living arrangements, and face the judgement of each other!

🎵 You asked me what I wanted to be, and I think the answer is plain to see… 🎵

🎵 I wanna live close to the sun. Pack your bags 'cause I’ve already won… 🎵

Allow me to give you the grand tour of the no-longer-abandoned film lot we claimed for this season! Instead of cabins, contestants will be staying in these cramped trailers, just like actors on set! There's one for each team with 7 beds each and complimentary bathrooms.

Our mess hall is a bit less rustic than the one we had at the summer camp, but it's got that same ol' charm with 2 dining tables and a small living area for everyone's convenience!

Now, on to the fun part: replacing the shoddy outhouse, our contestants' destination for providing their juicy confessionals will be a makeup trailer right behind the trailers! Get used to it: it'll appear every single day with a different contestant providing their thoughts.

And finally, the auditorium! This will be the site of our ever-so-exciting elimination ceremonies. In front of it is the walk-of-shame, where losers will say goodbye to Total Drama Sims to catch the lame-o-sine at the very end!

🎵 Everything to prove nothing’s in my way. I’ll get there one day! 🎵

Now, allow me to formally introduce you to our 14 new contestants!

(from left to right; top to bottom)

(also fun fact: the poses are all different this time, so everyone's portrait is truly unique to them!)

ASHLEE SCHAEFER (she/her) by @shmoodlet - A rap artist who always wants to be the center of attention

BRODY SHERMAN (he/him) by @aniraklova - A football captain who loves to party and cause mischief

COFFEE BEAN (she/her) by @riverofjazzsims - A gloomy and introverted polyglot who was entered into the competition by her twin sister so she can have more typical teenager experiences

DREW PINTO (she/they) by @witheringscreations - A talented track athlete who wants to make friendships outside of those she trains with

ENZO ESPINOZA (he/him) by @seyvia - A handsome model who wants to prove to his brothers that he's the most exceptional sibling

FLO HARPER (she/her) by @akitasimblr - A nosy "rebel" (she only dresses the part) who secretly loves to bake

HANS SOMME (he/him) by @ethicaltreatmentofcowplants - A physically gifted, socially inept snob who doesn't think TDS will be that hard

LIANA MORRIS (she/her) by @bloomingkyras - An introverted computer whiz who chose to compete in TDS so she wouldn't have to go to her grandparents' house

NEAL WARD (he/him) by @nakasumi-sims - Son of famous actor Judith Ward. Judith signed him up for TDS2 so he could be occupied while she's filming overseas

PAULINA CALLAWAY (she/her) by @cowplant-ate-my-sim - A cheerful girl who signed up for TDS so she could have a free vacation

TAKASHI ABBOTTSFORD (he/him) by @stargazer-sims - A friendly and talkative boy who thinks he'd be good at TDS due to growing up in a large chaotic family

TONI STROUD (she/her) by @simsinfinitylt - A creative and imaginative thespian who is determined to make a name for herself

TRISTAN BACHMAN (he/him) by @micrathene-w - A snarky academic genius who accidentally arrived at TDS when he was meant to go to his academic decathlon meet

WILLABELLE LOWES (she/her) by @invisiblequeen - An overachiever who is confident she'll win TDS

🎵 I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE FAMOUS! 🎵

Wait... What About Teams?

Yea... about that: teams will be sorted a little differently this season! Instead of randomized teams right away, they are being formed after the first socialization day, when everyone has time to form relationships! Shortly before the first challenge, two people will be selected at random to be the "captains" of the teams. From there, they will select their teammates schoolyard-style (alternating between boys and girls) based on their relationships with the other contestants!

[chronically-ghosted]

i totally agree that it’s ridiculous for people to write fics for films that haven’t been released yet, but the problem isn’t the smut itself. people have every right to write porn if that scratches the itch.

i think your main point is the most important: it’s impossible to write a thoughtful, inspired fic when we don’t even know the story it’s based on. no one knows who this character is or what he’s like.

at this point, everyone should just call a spade a spade and write pedro rpf. all they care about is seeing his face in different situations.

so my earlier post was not so much a statement on Pedro Pascal Character fanfiction/porn, but the commercialization of art and I interpreted the thoughts and opinions of others through the lens of the medium I most often express myself with, which is fanfiction.

let me be clear: i have no problem with smut - pwp or otherwise. people are allowed to write whatever they want, about whoever they want, with whatever tropes make them happy.

my overall focus (and granted it was probably very muddled by the end of those - what, like three reblogs?) was an interrogation of fanfiction as art, and the state of art in this modern era. and after doing some more thinking and listening to more people much smarter than me (thank you to everyone who dm-ed me directly to talk further about this), my opinion is thus: the creation of content (not art) is more ubiquitous today is not because we are getting more stupid as a society, not because of our failing attention spans, not because we are on the brink of moral collapse but because we physically do not have the mental strength to be intellectually curious as a direct result of constant, distracting, emotionally-draining stimuli.

i can explain what i mean below the cut with two primary examples, specifically regarding the shift in fanfiction cult, and yes, the prominence of smutty oneshots in the pedro pascal character fandom of which this blog is a part of.

I have been in various fandoms for almost twenty years. I have been writing fanfiction for almost that same amount of time. In recent years, I've noticed two trends that initially discouraged me, but that I now believe is a symptom of our adjustment to a modern, constantly online era.

A severe lack of engagement within the artistic artifacts of a fandom

The quality of the fanfiction itself (because yes I do consider fanfiction to be an artform) has gone down hill - mostly.

Lack of engagement:

Art is inherently created to be shared. This is especially true for fandom because the community lives or dies by how many people are interacting with each other and sharing ideas (news, theories, fanart, fanfic, etc). If you say a fandom is dead, it means there haven't been any new posts or fic about it in years. So I don't wanna hear it when people say, "oh write for yourself, you shouldn't be chasing engagement" because that is antithetical to the very concept of fanfiction.

In recent years, I have seen and experienced myself engagement in my work only so far as a like or kudo. This is not how it used to be. Message boards (yes I am that old) and niche fandom sites were constantly abuzz with media sharing and excitement, and everyone enjoyed some version of praise (unless you got hit by the antis but they're never fun anyway). Initially I blamed this drop in engagement on laziness: people just want the next thing, they can't be bothered to appreciate the hard work writers put in and they just see content and art as the same thing - stuff to consume.

But I myself am GUILTY of minimal reblogs and comments and I LOVE what I'm writing - the impact certain works leave me with is long, long lasting but for some goddamn reason, I can't sit down and praise the author's works. Am I lazy? Possibly, but this is also not an isolated behavior and it's on the rise: people do not have time to engage with fandom/fanfic like they used to. Most people I know have worked at least two or three jobs at some point in their lives to just to make rent. This gen z is the first generation in DECADES to be worse off economically than their parents. With an interest rate at 8%, who the fuck can afford the security of a home anymore? We work ourselves to the bone for scraps and the realization that The Dream has officially died. And so what do we want to do in the free time we do have? Engage with the very bare minimum. We want to read things that we can at best skim, things we don't have to think about or engage with in any meaningful way. We want a way to turn off the noise of the next apocalypse and sometimes the best we can do is the tap of a thumb.

Which brings me to my next point: what the fuck happened to thoughtful fanfiction?

But this question is inextricably linked to the points above: oneshots are easier to write, faster to write, and if you write fic that is basically "Mad libs porn" (without ever engaging in the actual medium because it is literally not released yet), you are doing the most minimal work for the most amount of engagement. But I can't fault ANYONE for doing that. It feels good to be told your smut is "so hot" or "this exploded my panties" and in this era where the time available to create is so fucking small and minimized of course you're going to write for the most popular character, whether or not you're interested in the source material because we want our art to matter to someone. Intellectual pundits loooove to lambast our "shorter attention spans" but fuck, when are we allowed the time to think - in between this "100 year storm" that's happened twice in the past five years, or the global pandemic that turned millions of deaths into a political punching bag, or the next video of a white woman crying wolf to the police over an innocent black man, or - or - or - or

In a day where reality and the world as we know seems to be holding onto a thread, we turn to comfort: comforting tropes (dbf to rape/kidnap fantasies), comforting fanfic (pwp), and comforting ways to engage with fandom. There is nothing wrong with wanting your art to be appreciated and there's nothing wrong with inherently wrong with pwp - but I do believe its symptomatic of a MUCH larger and more sinister movement within ALL art right now.

I come from the generation who banished fanfic authors for scrubbing off the filing numbers to their fics and publishing it as original content because, in our communities, they were selling out. Fanfiction is inherently an act of rebellion. Every time you write fanfiction you break canon, an established structure with its own rules and boundaries. So by trying to appeal to the masses, to curb your own writing to fit whatever is mainstream, you are doing a disservice to yourself AND to the art of fanfiction. If something you write becomes popular, wonderful, great, you are very lucky and there is nothing wrong with that either. But do not sell out your 13 beloved fans who WILL take the time to leave a comment, who WILL take the time to reblog because your weird little fic spoke to them on a fundamental level and now is with them for the rest of their lives - in favor of a 100 thumb taps.

If you've made it here, thank you very much for reading. I've added some links to some additional references to see how this concept of "populist" art is having a serious negative down turn in the quality of art, but is also not any one individuals personal failings:

Why the world is addicted to background tv by Kayleigh Day

How Modern Audience are failing cinema by Like Stories of Old

Rupi Kaur episode of Rehash podcast

I'm always here to talk fic and art and what makes you excited about your writing. Much love and please rest. We need you here.

[r4d1c4lw31rd0]

𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 (≧▽≦) [𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐎𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬!𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞]

Experimenting with this banner thingy- Anyways this is something I decided to finish up 💪🏼💪🏼 I totally did not get this idea while listening to sad romance songs 💀 Won't be writing for a little while because I'm going through some things right now but I hope this is good enough for my fellow Venture enjoyers!

Summary: Reader has been pining for our oblivious little archaeologist for months now, and close to when they're supposed to leave they finally decide to be upfront and confess with a song!

Warnings: Nothing! It's Fluff with just a tad bit of angst! Also no use of Y/N

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You watched on in silence, not really enjoying this party. You were supposed to be performing tonight, a celebration for the Wayfinders and their success in discovering a new artifact today. You'd been briefed about it, but you hadn't been paying much attention. Your thoughts had drifted to that stupid archaeologist you'd been pining for for months now. Sloane Cameron, though commonly referred to as Venture, had captured your heart quicker than you had wanted.

Sweet, funny, energetic, passionate . . . what more could you want from a person? You didn't realize it at first, dismissing it as admiration, but when the two of you kept seeing each other, it was far to late. They'd wormed their way into your brain, and they weren't going away anytime soon. You had been invited to the dig site by a relative of yours who worked at the Petra site, and it was Sloane themself who made you feel the most welcomed.

The time you two had spent together had been . . . wonderful. They talked, quite a bit, but you didn't mind, considering yourself someone who preferred to listen instead. They didn't quite realize how sexy they looked talking so in depth about their profession and findings. It warmed your heart, and you had been caught staring quite a few times.

They showed you their favorite spots to frequent when they needed alone time, taught you about different artifacts and the history of Petra, and on more than one occasion you had fallen asleep in their tent listening to them ramble and woken up covered by their coat while they were sleeping awkwardly in their chair. For a moment, you were convinced they liked you, but you were well aware that they did nice things for everyone. It was difficult to tell if you were special or if they just treated everyone this way.

Too shy to completely come clean about your blossoming feelings, you began to drop hints. You went out of your way to hang out with them whenever they were free, always offered to take important documents to them, hell you were even extra touchy and flirtatious with them. To your disappointment, it all went over their head. Every. Single. Time.

"Thanks! You're such a great friend" was the most common response you got whenever you brought them things. Your compliments were slightly more successful, but the ones they gave were all so plainly platonic it hurt. Any innuendos you gave were taken so seriously that you had made an indent in the wall of your own tent from banging your head against it so frequently.

Your pining was so obvious to everyone else but them. Most people felt pity, and even tried to help you out. Sloane's response?

"What? No no no! They're just being friendly! Trust me, I'd be able to tell if they liked me like that!"

You thought about shaking them violently and yelling how you felt to them but even then they had a skull so thick you were pretty sure they'd find some kind of excuse not to believe you. No matter what you tried, they just didn't get it.

To cope, you turned to writing your feelings down in the form of song lyrics. Pages upon pages filled with your feelings. You practically spilled your guts on those pages, and yet nothing ever truly felt like it'd get the point across. Not until tonight. You had the perfect song to sing for them, but you weren't sure it'd smooth over well. You were due to leave the site tomorrow, and with some urging from your friend you decided tonight was the night. You'd be leaving tomorrow anyway, so if they did reject you you wouldn't have to face the embarrassment for long.

You were watching them from across room, observing them from afar. They never looked so dashing before, hair slightly more cared for compered to how messy it usually was. They wore a very clean white button up, sleeves rolled up just to their elbows. Various tattoos littered both arms, and the muscle they hid beneath all those layers was on full display. The black slacks they wore hugged their figure comfortably, suspenders with funky little designs on them attached and giving them that familiar nerdy vibe they naturally gave off. To top it all off, they had a bright yellow bow-tie on, adding to their charm.

Currently, you were watching them speak with another co-worker of theirs. She was so pretty, and certainly looked much better than you did. You thought so at least. Your arm tightened around your waist as a flush came across your cheeks. Your brows furrowed as you looked away from the two giggling lilies, downing the rest of the alcohol in your cup. This was stupid. You couldn't do this. God, what if they looked embarrassed? What if they looked at you with disgust? Hell what if they flat out rejected you in front of everyone here!? This was such a stupid plan, you didn't completely think things out.

"You're up next." You snapped out of your thoughts, looking over to your friend. He smiled at you, nudging you with his elbow. "Loosen up, you look constipated with all that frowning your doing."

You smacked his arm as the two of you chuckled, and he leaned against the wall beside you.

"Seriously though, what's got you wound up so tight?" He looked down at you, sympathy written all over him. He probably already knew, but you still wanted to confide in him anyway.

"I'm just super fucking nervous." You sighed, throwing the cup into the trashcan next to you. "What if they don't get it? Or they reject me? I don't want to embarrass them in front of all their coworkers, they'd hate me for the rest of forever and I don't think I can live with myself if that happens."

A hand rested itself on your shoulder, followed by a couple of pats. "You're overthinking for one, but you make some valid points. Whatever happens, happens. It won't be the end of the world, I can promise you that much."

"Certainly feels like it."

That got a good laugh out of him as he shook his head at your dramatics. "Whatever. It's too late to back out now. We're finna go on and you better be ready. If they don't get it now, they probably never will in all honesty."

As he walked to the back of the stage, you began to follow, casting one more glance at your crush. They were still chatting it up with their co-worker, but they were looking at you. You flushed immediately. Did they know?

Raising a cup to you, Sloane mouthed the words 'Good Luck!' and you felt the familiar sting of disappointment, Of course. They were just being a good friend. You gave them a thumbs up in response, shuffling backstage with the rest of your band mates. Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself mentally for just about any outcome.

You heard the announcer begin your introduction as you stepped up onto the stage, curtains still drawn shut. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you could physically feel the anxiety coursing through your veins. No going back now. It was now or never.

There was applause as the curtains began to draw back, stage light on you as you held onto the mic, looking out at the crowd. You'd performed in front of people before, but it felt so much more intense now than ever.

"GOOOOOOOOOOD EVENING LADIES, GENTS, AND PARTY PEOPLE OF ALL GENDERS!" Your voice boomed over the speakers as you announced yourself, taking the mic from the stand. There was more applause and whistles as you raised your hand to calm the crowd.

"Thank you all for allowing me to be your entertainment for tonight, it is an honor to be celebrating this accomplishment with you all. The song you're about to hear will get your body movin' and groovin', but is also directed at a special someone who has yet to catch on the vibes I'm shootin', so here's to hoping it finally penetrates their thick skull."

There was a unanimous amount of "ooos" and "aaahs", and as you gave the crowd one last glance, you could see Venture's sweet confused face.

You took a deep before you signaled for your band to start. As the guitarist started up, you faced the crowd, ready to face anything.

"Don't you notice how, I get quiet when there's no one else around?~ Me and you in awkward silence!"

Your voice rang out clear over the crowd, making direct eye contact with Sloane as you pointed at them.

"Don't you dare, look at me that way!~ I don't need reminders of how you don't feel the same!" You did your own little spin as you placed your hand on your chest, keeping your gaze locked on them.

"Oh the burning, pain~ Listening to you harp on 'bout some new soulmate. 'She's so perfect' blah blah BLAH! Oh how I wish, you'd wake up one day! Run to me, confess your love at least just let me say-"

Your face flushed at the way their eyes widened as you stepped towards the edge of the stage with each word sung, watching as they were pushed as close to the front as they could be. There was no doubt this was for them.

"That when I talk to you, oh cupid walks right through and shoots an arrow through my heart~ And I sound like a loon but don't you feel it too!? Confess, I loved you from the start~"

You couldn't tell what they were feeling, only that their cheeks were just as flushed as yours and their mouth was agape. You stepped back, continuing through with the rest of the song, occasionally making eye contact with Venture who had yet to run off with embarrassment. As you reached the end of the song, you walked towards the edge of the stage, crouching down slightly, pouring the rest of your heart out as you looked at them.

Most of the people were dancing, but Sloane continued to stare up at you, watching as you poured your heart out to them, conveying everything you've been trying to for the past months the best way you knew how.

"Confess I've loved you, just thinking of you~" you paused, letting your band mates play their short solo before finishing off the lyrics. "You know I've loved you from the start~"

You let out a shaky breath as people applauded, bowing as the curtains began to close. You immediately ran over to your friend, panicking and whispering to them.

"Did you see them!? They totally hated it oh my god this was such a bad idea. I can't face them after this!" You buried your face into your hands, trembling with anxiety as he gently rubbed your back.

"Hey now, at least give them a chance to respond yeah?" He chuckled, though continued to comfort you and hype you up.

Your stomach fluttered with anxiety as you walked off the stage, and low and behold there they were, looking around like a lost puppy, thinking they might've missed you. When they caught sight of you, you both seemed to freeze, and you weren't sure you could talk to them alone.

"We'll let the two of ya talk, yeah?" Your friend patted your back encouragingly as he and the rest of the band walked off, giving you a thumbs up.

You approached Sloane, who had yet to say anything. Both of you were flush on the face, neither one saying a word.

"So . . . Did you mean that stuff? On stage I mean . . ." Their voice was quiet, breaking the painful silence.

"Yes-" You paused, feeling like you replied a bit too fast, a bit too enthusiastically. "I mean- Yes, I did. I meant every word of it." You looked down at your feet fiddling with you hands. "I've felt that way for a while now actually . . ."

They chuckled, and for a moment you prepared yourself for rejection, tensing up.

"Sorry! I don't mean to laugh it's just-" They let out a sigh, rubbing the back of their neck. "I feel really stupid, not seeing it before."

You looked up, hope sparking up in your gaze. They smiled, hands hesitantly coming up to take you own into theirs, stopping you from wringing them anymore.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't . . . like you too." They started of, casting their gaze to the side. "Because I do. You're really special and I enjoy hanging out with you, I just didn't want to get my hopes up-"

"Just kiss me already-" You blurted out, slapping a hand over your mouth.

Sloane laughed, looking at you with adoration. "I've made you wait long enough." They whispered, taking your hand from your face and pressing a soft, warm kiss to your lips.

You were all too eager to reciprocate, hand holding onto theirs as butterflies fluttered in your stomach, this time not from anxiety. God, this was so worth the wait. As you two parted, you felt breathless, grinning like an idiot.

"Was it how you imagned?" They joked.

"Better." You pulled them in for another kiss, wrapping your arms around their neck as you felt their hands glue themselves to your waist, pulling you right up against their body.

Kissing someone had never felt so good. All too soon it ended, and they looked at you, now with a slight frown.

"You're leaving tomorrow aren't you? Why'd you wait so long to tell me?" They sounded upset and frustrated.

Slightly embarrassed, you looked down at the floor, pulling away from them. "I tried, but you just . . ." Sighing, you paused. Blaming them was not what you wanted to do. "I . . . I was afraid you'd reject me. I mean I thought maybe there was a chance you liked me too but you were just so nice with everyone, and if you didn't like me back I didn't want to be here and have to face you everyday so today was the perfect day to do it. But, now that I know you do like me back I really wished I'd said something earlier, I feel really stupid for-"

Their hands cupped your face, stopping your anxious rambling. They made you face them, smiling softly and sympathetically.

"I get it. I do wish you had said something sooner, but we can't change that now. What matters to me is that you told me, and if you'll have me, I'd be glad to work things out with you . . ." Sloane's voice was soft, caring, everything you knew it to be. Their thumb rubbed slow, soft circles on you cheek and your own hands came up to cup the back of theirs.

"Y-Yeah . . . I'd like that."

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(Requests currently closed!)

[milaisreading]

Hiii good morning i was reading ur manager series and am totally in love with it specially the scenes where rin and reo decide to use their captain and rich-boy powers (the plushie one is my absolute fav) and i was wondering if i could request shidou and sae/kaiser/ness reaction to yns plushie or keychain? More than anyone else i wanna know shidous reaction🤭

Author : I didn't expect that story to be so popular since I came up with it at like 3 am☠️ but I hope you like this and thank you for the request🩷

Warnings ⚠️: Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Blue lock belongs to:Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

Shidou:

"Blue Lock is really that big now?" Loki commented as him and a few of his teammates were in the changing room of PXG, looking at a phone.

"Yeah! My sister wanted to buy one of the plushies and the site crashed like 3 times."

"Geez. Blue Lock 11 have boy group level fame." One chuckled as Shidou walked in, confused with the commotion.

"What are you guys looking at?" The blonde asked as he walked up closer, with the teammate showing him his screen.

"The guys who beat you, Blue Lock have now merch. Every girl or guy I know won't stop talking about them. My sister ordered like a collection of these plush toys."

"Haha my brother ordered all the keychains." Shidou was amused at the revelation, taking a mental note to tease Rin about it later.

"My sister has been complaining how hard it was to get the (Y/n) plush toy version. Every time there was a restock it got like sold out in a matter of minutes."

Now that was something Shidou had great interest in. The manager of Blue Lock has plushies? Shidou wanted to laugh.

'Hah! This is gold! But why would anyone buy that? A smaller version of (Y/n)? The whole replica? Small and soft...' Shidou's thoughts wandered off and he felt giddiness the more he imagined the item.

"Shidou, where are you going? We still need to train?" Loki called out as the taller walked out.

"I need to make fun of Rin for that plush toy of his!"

"Not again." Loki sighed and facepalmed.

The same night Shidou went on the Blue Lock website, where he found the said plush toy of the girl, and with absolutely no 2nd thought bought it.

'So adorable~' The boy grinned.

'I think 10 of these are a reasonable number.'

Sae:

Once in a while Sae would travel back to Japan to visit Blue Lock and his brother. Although he spent most of the time around (Y/n), trying to get her to join Madrid as their manager. The idea itself would be shut down by not only (Y/n), but also by Rin, who by now wouldn't leave the girl's side if he was around. This visit was a little bit different though. Since it was holiday season, Ego and Anri has sent everyone home and Sae was bummed a little. His brother wouldn't tell him anything relating to (Y/n).

'Brat.' Sae would roll his eyes at Rin's glares and him telling the older how his manager was none of Sae's business. The two weeks in Japan went by pretty quickly and it was Sae's time to go back. His mom, dad and Rin would drive him to the airport.

"It's in Rin's room?" Sae asked as his mom nodded her head.

"Yeah, I left your scarf there on accident, can you please get it? We need to hurry up to the airport and Rin is already outside."

Sae sighed and nodded his head, walking to the familiar door.

Opening it, Sae immediately spotted his red scarf and went to take it, only to freeze up when he noticed something on Rin's bed. On it was a smaller and softer version of (Y/n) staring up at him. Sae stood there for a moment and then quickly walked to the bed, picking the item up.

Sae stared at the soft toy in awe, astonished with how detailed it was.

'She looks adorable... nearly as adorable as the real (Y/n)? Where did Rin even find this? And why us he so reckless with it...' Sae sighed, patting (Y/n)'s head over and over.

"Sae! Hurry up!"

He turned to the door as his mother called for him. Sae shook his head and put the plush toy in his backpack and then took his scarf.

"Since you refused to tell me anything, I am taking (Y/n) with me. She is too adorable for Rin, anyways."

The next day, Sae was in his room and hugging the plush toy, enjoying the softness.

'So cute... so soft... I wonder if the real (Y/n) is even better to hug.' Sae's moment of peace was interrupted by his phone ringing.

"Hello." He said, already knowing who it is. He has been ignoring Rin's calls ever since he landed in Madrid.

"You thief! Did you take her?!" Rin yelled, obviously upset that his plushie was missing.

"Yes. She is really soft." Sae taunted.

"You bastard! I will come to Madrid and beat your ass!" Rin threatened.

"Do it and I will tell (Y/n) you had this thing to begin with. Imagine how much easier it will be to get her on my club then." Sae smirked as he got no answer in return and ended the call.

'Mine.' He thought as he hugged the plushie closer to himself.

Kaiser:

"What are you even looking at, Ness?" Kaiser raised his eyebrow as he saw his teammate and close friend smiling down at his phone.

'He looks like a child in a candy store.' Kaiser thought as Ness looked up at him in surprise, before showing him his phone.

"My package arrived today! I can't wait till I pick it up." The boy admitted as Kaiser went over the tracking history.

"From Japan? What did you even get there?"

"Huh? You didn't see it?" Ness wondered, making Kaiser even more confused.

"See what? Stop talking in circles."

"Blue Lock just released new merch and restocks-"

"Ness... please don't tell me you bought merch from THEM?"Kaiser asked in disbelief. As far as he knew, the only person in Blue Lock Ness liked was (Y/n).

'But there is no way they made merch of her. It's always about the players, not managers.' Kaiser thought.

"There was a cute plushie of (Y/n) and her figurine as well as a keychain... I had to get it!" Ness defended with an embarrassed look.

"Hold up... there is merch of her?" Kaiser wondered as Ness nodded his head.

"Yes! The plushie looks so adorable, I can't wait till I hold it." Ness cheered while Kaiser went to look at the item.

"Hmmm..."

A few weeks later...

It was late at night in Japan as (Y/n)'s phone rang. Panicked and still dizzy from her sleep, she took her phone and answered it.

"Helloo?" She slurred out, wondering who it could be.

"What a day to be alive, you never told me you had merch!" Kaiser laughed from the other side.

"Kaiser? Do you even know how late it is here? And what about the merch?" (Y/n) asked, a little annoyed but she was too tired to argue.

"It's kinda cute that my little Liebling is a star now. Don't forget about me when your merch sells out." Kaiser laughed.

"Shut up! I want to sleep!" She yelled but Kaiser kept on going and (Y/n) was forced to listen to his talk for another 10 minutes.

Kaiser on the other hand was sitting in his living room as the (Y/n) plushie sat on his lap, getting headpats from time to time.

Ness:

Ness was honestly not expecting to fin anything interesting the evening after a training. It was honestly normal, he showered, ate his dinner and went on his phone, to see what Blue Lock were up to. In all honesty he just wanted to see if there were any pictures or video clips with (Y/n) in them. But instead of that, he found an announcement on new merch.

"Huh? Plushies, keychains and figurines?" Ness mumbled and opened the link, boredly scrolling down the site as all of them were from players.

"Boring-" Ness stopped himself as he saw a familiar shade of (h/c) hair and stopped. Blinking at the items that were displayed, Ness took in the plushie, keychain and figurine that was displayed of (Y/n), all tiny and adorable.

"I need this. I don't even know what I entered this site for again." Ness mumbled as she put the items into the cart.

"You bought it?!" (Y/n) yelled from the other side of the phone. Ness giggled and hugged the plushie of the girl.

"Yeah! You have no idea how soft it is! I have been hugging it ever since it came hours ago." Ness said as the line went quiet for a moment.

"...and what do you think? How is the merch of me?" (Y/n) asked nervously as Ness looked down lovingly at her plushie replica.

"It's cute! Very soft and I love how well detailed it is. It's nearly as cute as you."

"A-ah?! You think so?! I... I need to go now and talk with Ego-san over something! See you, Ness!"

"See ya~" Ness said and ended the call, then looked down at the plushie again.

"So cute..." He smiled, giving a small kiss to the toy's forehead.

[polyamorousmood]

Hi there, I want to thank you first for running such a helpful page!

So I'm actually just starting to explore polyamory. My girlfriend has been poly since I met her over a dating site, but I'll admit when we first started dating my insecurities made me not want to hear much about her other partners.

But over time, I started realizing not only that I may want to date more people but that I was missing out on a part of my girlfriend by avoiding something that is a feature of her person. And luckily we did have a good talk about it! We are gonna have a tabletop game night soon for me to hang with some of her partners, and maybe I'll be lucky and they find something to like in me too.

But honestly, it still gives me some anxiety to see her talk about her time with other people. I hate feeling jealous like that after wanting to work on it! I just really love her and don't want my insecurities to make us break up. Do you have any good advice for how I can help reassure and center myself?

I just want this girl to be happy and I'd like to be able to continue to be someone who makes her happy

Well, then I'll start by saying you're welcome! I'm so pleased you get something nice out of this blog 🥰

I have talked several times about how to handle jealousy I was going to post links, but honestly, it'd be like 6 links at this point. Search for "#jealousy" on this blog and you can find them. Please read those, they contain good thoughts.

I am struggling to find the words to explain just how touching I find it that you're opening up to this side of your partner. Its the sweetest, most beautiful of revelations. As a poly person I feel what you said is very true, and I would be really touched you're wanting to open that up.

I would therefore also be very concerned with making sure it went well, and be willing to do a lot to help you out. So I think it'd be a good idea for you to make dedicated time to thoroughly talk over your concerns with your partner before, and talk about how you felt about everything after. I find it useful to mention anything, even if you dealt with it and it ended up okay. Its totally fair and in fact probably helpful to your partner to say "it was a little weird at first when you gave X a hug, but I realized that was stupid and I think I'm okay now."

I think for someone in your position, who is working on expanding what you're comfortable with -- and as something not mentioned in the other posts I've made -- its going to be important to find the sweet spot for growth. That is, generally exposing yourself to situations that are uncomfortable, but that you're able to accept/work through/handle. Factors for this could include (but are not limited to):

length of exposure

topics/types of discussion (sex, similarities/differences between you and other partners, attractiveness, (dis)enjoyment of activities with other partners, etc)

type of activity

what sort of affection is shared with whom

the degree of "publicness"

Think it through, and start out with some things you know you can handle. Again, if you want to make progress, you should be seeking something that is a bit uncomfortable, but not so much discomfort you can't get over it in a timely manner. (As an example, my cutoff would probably be something like "I'm still bothered by the end of the next day, and after talking to my partner about it," but its okay if yours is somewhere else.)

Also worth noting you don't have to have a "total success" to be successful here. There may be certain things you're never fully comfortable with seeing/hearing about. Since it sounds like everyone else is okay with you not being comfortable with any knowledge, I'd be surprised if it'd be a problem for you to maintain a few boundaries about it, even after you've put in a lot of work to being more open.👍

Since you mentioned already that you're uncomfortable with her sharing things she'd done with others, I'd like to offer three points to that specifically.

Congrats fr fr on that self-awareness! 🧠Legit you should be proud

You can start small here too. If you're not ready to know full details about something, but want to try something, maybe just ask her to give you a one-sentence summary when you ask how it went so you can practice!

I want to offer you a reframing here. I think you're likely feeling insecure when she mentions fun with her other partners because your thought is something sorta like "she has so much fun with them, she can't even stop thinking about it when she's with me... she must like that more..." . . . But what if... instead... you worked on replacing that thought with something like "she loves me so much, she wants to share even her special experiences from her other partners with me"? Does that feel more wholesome? and do you think that paints your partner in a kinder light, too?

I wish you the very best of luck, but quite frankly, I don't think you need it. I think you've done very well so far, and will continue to do so under your own power. And I do hope you feel powerful for tackling this.

And as always, I LIVE for updates. I'm proud of you!! 💙💖🖤🥰

[helshollowhalls]

I have some thoughts. On Mysta's graduation. And the current state of Nijisanji in general.

At the end of the day, I am not surprised. I expected someone else to graduate first, hell I even expected Niji to keep more of an iron grip on their money makers aka Luxiem in order to milk them for more cash, but I digress.

Mysta is graduating and it only goes to show that their 'money first, talent... third? last?' approach comes back to bite them in the arse. This might be the potential wakeup call for everyone who has yet to realize that the entire English branch of Nijisanji is crumbling away in record time because of the absolutely abysmal talent management and treatment of the livers.

I refrained from speculating who would be the next ones to graduate after Nina - simply because I will leave that job to the anonymous leakers on the site/platform that shall not be named here. Apparently Shu and Vox were brought up as the potential next people to graduate (this is according to a recent Depressed Nousagi stream but he didn't show any screenshots so take that with a massive bucket of salt.) Mysta was allegedly also mentioned down the line, but he seemingly wasn't the first choice.

Honestly, if you think about it the entirety of Luxiem must be so done mentally. They didn't know what to expect when they signed up to become Nijisanji's first male English-speaking Vtuber group. They waltz onto the scene, explode in popularity all over the world out of nowhere basically and suddenly they're Niji EN's favorite child. The company is milking them for all they have because OH BOI do they rake in the cash - not to mention from a target audience that was completely ignored before in the EN corporate sphere - female viewers.

In a lot of things the boys weren't given any choice. Jazz On The Clock? The first ever second unit song in Niji EN ever and it was released even before their anniversary. With Luxiem being the fourth EN wave in total it felt a little counterintuitive - Wouldn't they start another potential wave of unit songs with LazuLight, their first wave? Well, now that Light Me Up is out and Pomu talked about the entire fiasco of LazuLight basically fighting management tooth and nail to be allowed a second unit song, I think most of us can guess how things are going at Anycolor. And in case you're not entirely convinced, just look at the amount of Luxiem merch Niji has put out compared to any other EN wave.

It's not just JotC, but their anniversary/irl Japan meetup stream as well. That stream was something that personally really rubbed me the wrong way because it felt very inauthentic. It felt like the five of them were just shoved into a room at the Niji HQ to play Smash and do some batsus while the executives and managers proceeded to lock the doors and breath down their necks for the entirety of the stream. The stream had a very different feel to it - Comparing it to other Luxiem collab streams or even other anniversary streams. Management didn't consider it necessary to order Obsydia or Ethyria to Japan and record their anniversary streams at the Niji HQ - Well, that would be because none of them make the company as much sweet sweet cash as Luxiem - Closest would maybe be Selen. And even she has been public about the management fuck-ups - I am talking about her outfit design contest here, of course.

But back to Luxiem. I don't follow them as closely as I used to in the beginning, infact I am only subscribed to Shu out of the five, so let's start from here.

The entire wave collectively tweeted very salty and sarcastic remarks about the official announcement of the EN 3D Live Concert being "postponed due to COVID" earlier this year. But out of all of them, it seemingly hit Shu the hardest. I noticed that he was streaming less and less, infact he still isn't streaming as much as he used to.

Ike... oh boi, where do I even begin. Judging from his spontaneous irl hangout with Vox recently and the amount of projects he has been involved in as a vocal mixer, not to mention his two recent songs of which one is an original, this man seems to be working 30 hours a day and is stressed to the max.

Mysta made his personal situation and his ongoing burnout/lack of goals to work towards very clear in his graduation announcement stream, so I won't go into detail.

Vox has also been streaming less frequently. During the course of his employment at Nijisanji he got diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD (I believe), started therapy and medication, had a panic attack during an ASMR stream, started new projects and also some personal issues in his private life to deal with.

I have to be honest about Luca - I don't really know anything about what is going on with him apart from the fact that he planned to move again and got a puppy.

In conclusion, I could see reasons for anyone of them graduating anytime soon. Management isn't treating them well - Management isn't treating anyone in EN well, it seems - and at some point that fact doesn't warrant staying with the company anymore. Plus, money isn't really an issue for any of them at this point I assume - Especially Vox and Mysta. Both of them have enough money to fulfill their potential aspirations as indies or under another agency or manager.

Infact, apart from a couple of livers I can see anyone graduating next because of how Nijisanji handles things.

Some may argue that it all started going downhill when they kicked Yugo or when Zaion got terminated - Regardless of what you think, at the end of the day, the entire branch is seemingly falling apart right in front of us and Nijisanji's reputation is tanking, especially with the English-speaking fanbase, while Hololive idly sits by and watches the drama unfold.

The consequences of Mysta leaving and the message it sends about Nijisanji and how they treat their livers can't be understated.

[al-the-remix]

Random fandom thoughts/feelings

The reblog button is turned off on this post but I think it's another incredibly important one to be thinking about. I enjoy their framing of how the profit economy of other social media sites has been bleeding into fandom spaces on both tumblr, and like this post focuses on, Ao3. It's something that I've been noticing more and more and it really rubs me the wrong way and I feel like OP's post words it perfectly in a way I've been struggling to express.

This sort of connects the previous post I reblogged on the topic talking about how fandom is not a good in road for becoming internet famous.

A facet of this that's really bamboozled me recently is that I feel like i've been seeing more and more of is the idea that a singular person has a right to call "dibs" on a specific piece of media. Which is honestly totally fucking wild to me and if I'm being totally frank kind of dumb.

Every single one of us who interacts with fandom and by extent and IP is flirting with copy right law, the consequences of which everyone should be extremely familiar with by now with the fall of LJ and various lawsuits by authors, dmca notices, etc.

We have all heard the adage "there's no such thing as an original idea"; the idea that everything we create is the amalgamation of all the things that influence us, good and bad.

This is totally normal and good, actually.

For example, if I and another person both watch a TV show, see a production photograph that we really like and decide to draw it and post them one after the other it would be considered extremely bad behaviour to then turn around and make a big stink about how someone else had the gall to turn around and draw the same thing that I did. We can all look at a picture, video, lyrics to a song, become inspired and create something wildly different based on our tastes and influences--but we also are equally, if not more so, likely to create something nearly identical to our peers, especially in a fandom space where ideas are concentrated and we are all consuming each other's thoughts, opinions, and creations. More than once I've come up with an idea for a fic or a drawing that someone else had had a nearly identical execution of without us communicating or viewing each other's work. That's just the way the human brain works, we're hard wired to make connections in a fairly similar way.

You do not have a right to call dibs on any one photograph, clip of video, song lyrics or any other bit of media you might consume.

This stands for artists, writers, gif makers, AMV creators, and any other way you choose to express your love of fandom creatively.

If you are really hard pressed to focus on the numbers and work at being ~influential~ the burden is on you to distinguish yourself creatively.

There's a reason why not being able to see follower counts is so important to the way fandom and tumblr functions. The concept of ~small creators~ and ~big creators~ or BNF or whatever are all burdens you place on yourselves. No one is taking anything away from you by engaging with the same bit of media you are in a similar way. We all have a right to express ourselves creatively and emotionally through any snippet of media that sparks our interest. You do not get to "own it" just because you happened to pump something out first. There are no creative "dibs". This isn't even some sort of "fandom" etiquette thing that has gone thus unspoken. It's a strange possessive thing that I've seen crop up more and more as the idea of being a capital "C" Creator brain rots people's minds and atrophies their ability to be creative.

Sort of on a tangent, but I have a bunch of other personal random thoughts about how this push to be prolific stagnates fandom, but these are more complicated for me and I'm not as clear on how I want to express them. On one had I am completely on board with the "there is no such thing as cringe" mindset and that everyone has a right to create whatever super indulgent thing they want to without having to suffer people being snobby about it. But, on the other hand I feel very strongly that the cycle of people seeing one trope or characterization being repeated repeated over and over and gaining popularity, reading only that--writing only that--leading others to also only consume that, really stymies creativity and makes it harder to grow the fandom if people that are trying to enter aren't into That One Thing, while also ostracizing people who are already in the fandom that aren't into That One Thing. I strongly believe that people's tastes are at least 70% just what they're exposed to, and obviously not everyone is going to be into whatever weird niche concept they're exposed to through fandom, but the more they are the more opportunity they have to expand that horizon. I don't know how many times I've gotten a version of the "I wasn't sure I would like this but I gave it a shot and it turns out I really love it!" and how good that feels and how much I wish other people were emboldened to do the same instead of being so wrapped up in how their work may or may not be received.

This is mostly a subjective thing though, so it's less cut and dry. Like for example, I really struggle with engaging with transgender fic despite being transgender myself because of the way most AFAB fic is written to the point where I avoid it now almost entirely. Which, frankly, really fucking sucks but also I will be the first person to fight for other's ability to write transgender characters wether they appeal my personal feelings and taste or not.

Anyway, this is one of the reasons I'm so protective of fandom community events, especially ones that employ aspects of the fandom gift economy such as exchanges. There are one of the few wholly un self-centred places left where the focus is on gifting someone something they will love and giving back to the fandom at large by flooding it with art and opportunities appreciation and engagement with each other. It is not supposed to be an opportunity for you to think about yourself and "getting something good" in return or using it a convenient deadline. It also offers you an opportunity to engage with fic tropes and genres that you've never considered writing or reading before.

TL;DR if you've found yourself recently squabbling over how many notes your gifs, art, writing, etc. has been getting compared to other people instead of focusing on forging community ties and your own creative expression, I'm sorry to say you're doing it wrong.

[prettyoddfever]

why are you so against ryden

I'm literally only pointing out why specific examples of "Ryden proof" don't work, or were misinterpreted by people who don't know much about the band. If me being pro-reality means that you consider me anti-Ryden then, uh… you might want to examine that more.

As long as we're on this topic, I'm going to expand on an older post here and go off on a tangent:

I actually loved the Ryden part of the fandom in the pre-split days! Ryden felt like a fandom-wide inside joke that united so many fans and sparked so much creativity (sometimes it reminded me of inventing bs symbolism in english & art classes lol). I didn’t read the slash, but it’s not like those kids stayed exclusively over in their communities… they were everywhere. A lot of my favorite accounts were massive Ryden fans & fic authors. but even the most die-hard shippers in 2006 & 2007 would scoff if new fans asked if they were ever being serious with their comments. It was all just entertaining wish fulfillment done to amuse themselves. They would act like it was a legit alternate reality and write long funny primers & posts like “look guys, they are in love. this is facts… here I go with my proof," but when it came down to whether or not they actually thought it was real… no, of course not. The fanfic authors were the first to laugh and say they weren’t hurting anyone because nobody actually believed Ryden was real and everyone was on the same page. They argued that every single band had a slash community and it just came with the fame. Some fans genuinely wanted Ryden to be real, while others thought it was entertaining how you could cherry-pick events & isolate them from any context to make Ryden look plausible. And both groups were taking matters into their own hands by trying to tie enough pictures & random dots together to make it look like a happy alternate reality that satisfied everyone. It was funny.

The majority of the pre-split fandom understood that Ryden wasn’t real, so people were on the same page when they shared their “proof.” It was like an inside joke. For example, I’ll argue that unicorns could be real because I know that the person I’m talking to is aware of reality. I can get as creative as I want and just have fun because we’re both on the same page… and the other person will be like “well yes of course they’re obviously real.” It looks like we agree. But that does not mean that we truly believe it lol... we're just bored & entertaining ourselves. Someone else who is unsure whether or not unicorns actually exist might read our convo and conclude that we are certain unicorns are real and have proof! But I never intended for my silly convo with my friend to be taken that seriously.

For me, Ryden was more about the fandom. It was just fun to see a picture or new moment and wait to see if anyone else spotted the same potential too. The slash accounts across different sites/forums would even make fun of themselves for how far they would go to make everything fit Ryden. At times it felt like an affectionate joke about the band and the fandom. 

I’d say the Ryden craze first took over with the huge surge of new fans during the summer 2006 tour (around the time Brendon & Ryan started fully going for the mic sharing each night). This was back when the band still read the forums and different fan sites and were trying to get a sense of what their fans were saying (such a bad idea lol). I was never totally clear on where the guys stood on Ryden in 2006 but it seemed like they were in on the joke… but it was so confusing at the same time. Like one minute they’d complain about the disgusting “pornfiction” in an interview and the next minute they’d be hamming it up for meet & greet pictures. Bden would practically hump Ryan’s leg during a show and then Ryan would suggestively run his hand up Bden’s thigh during a meet & greet exactly when he knew fans were watching… and then they’d both act like they didn’t get why fans ever came up with stories about them. I’m not saying their actions meant they were asking for something btw. I’m just saying that it’s equally true that the guys would claim they weren’t huge on Ryden and that they intentionally fueled the fire to get fans to laugh/scream at the right time. The band was super aware that the Ryden fans were a huge part of the fandom who drove a lot of the hype online… so it seemed like in late 2006 the guys were just trying to connect with a fanbase they were being quickly distanced from as they got more & more famous. Then in 2008 the guys intentionally added extra Ryden elements to their stage routine because they knew what a lot of fans still wanted to see.

So my conclusion was that it was all in good fun (except making suggestive comments to the band irl was horrible… people were even saying some seriously gross stuff to Zack about the boys and taking it waaaaay too far). During the lull of 2007, and even into 2008, there seemed to be a whole section of the fandom that was more invested in their fanfic communities than the irl band (they’d often come onto other boards & communities to ask for facts or details for their fanfics and watching the replies they got was like watching a really bad game of telephone haha so I’m guessing those plots diverged from reality pretty quickly). New fans were also being introduced to the band through fanfiction and seemed more intent on just spotting Ryden moments and learning the fanfic version of history rather than any real-life history. So by late 2008 there was definitely a small crowd who was taking Ryden more seriously and also understood less about the band. But I wasn't always sure if their tone was totally serious or not, because the joking posts had often been written in a serious tone too.

Side note on that: when I started this account in 2020 I hadn't thought about P!ATD much while I had been sick for years. I was just trying to throw myself back into the mindset of 2006 and rediscover a time when my world had been awesome & I was healthy. So when I saw all the sun/moon theories that had formed after I'd left the fandom I was like YES omg this is amazing. I lived for that kind of stuff. But then it was confusing how the same people who were currently posting all of the “ryden was real” stuff were the same ones who would quickly point out that another one of my Ryden posts wasn’t what really happened or that a photo manip that I considered fun was actually fake…  I mean, obviously??? I didn’t get why there was any difference between everything. It took me a few months to get a read on the current fandom and realize that things weren't being done in the same joking spirit. I started struggling to explain why I was posting Ryden-ish stuff if I didn’t necessarily believe what I was saying (and again I’m having a hard time explaining here because it never felt like the fandom was making up crap we didn’t stand behind back then! we were serious that we believed it was a darn good connection/theory or photoshop job haha). Ryden used to be like this shared alternate lens to view events through that felt like teamwork to create. We would intentionally pretend like years of full context didn't exist and create our own parallel narrative that could coexist with reality in our minds. But now it feels like people are sharing "Ryden proof" for real as though the piles of creative nonsense are an actual recap of historic events... and you need to pick some kind of "side" to believe? Idk, it's weird. I dropped any remaining nostalgia connected with Ryden content and ended up shifting the tone & focus of my account to organizing actual facts, media, and info about events I remember.

I don't think it's ok that moments in the band's history are often distorted or erased in order to pass off certain examples of “Ryden proof” as real now. It would be a shame for ridiculous Ryden stories to be prioritized as key info about the band while normal info about band members & events gets ignored now (ex: turning Northern Downpour into some kind of Ryden thing totally erases what Ryan wanted to do with the song). A lot of people have told me that they don’t care what actually happened because they prefer their ideas anyways. And that’s fine, as long as you’re aware that what you’re choosing doesn't track with reality. (Also, I always felt like knowing the real events or original photos from a manip gave me more appreciation for how creative people were… but I suppose that’s because Ryden was more about the fandom for me).

SIDE TANGENT: I drifted away from the fandom after summer 2009 when I got sick, so I don’t know specifically what happened over the next couple years to get so many fans who were impressively uninformed about the band yet super intense about Ryden at the same time... but I'm also not surprised I guess. Some knowledge about the band absolutely faded to the background in the last half of 2006 as the overwhelming amount of newer fans invented their own answers and were more interested in freaking out over cute guys than actually taking the time to learn about the band. The knowledge wasn't lost, it was just drowned out for a while in the midst of their enthusiastic chatter. It felt like a waste of time to correct them too because they were absolutely everywhere and they weren't really harming anyone by screaming things like Ryan took his mom as a date to the VMAs lol. Maybe there was a surge of younger fans by 2010-2011 who didn't have the context to know what they were looking at too, and were very enthusiastic about Ryden? I don't know. This is all purely speculation on my part.

I actually don't care whether anyone thinks Ryden was real or not... that's definitely not my focus and I'm not trying to convince anyone of a "side" either. You can conclude whatever you want. My focus in my posts is simply to provide context for some of the inaccurate stories & examples that are currently being passed around as though they're actual history. I don't expect anyone to care. But at least the info is still available for any younger fans who might be interested in the real-life band.

[angel---eater]

im so curious what u mean by the vriskafication of jegbert? /genq

ive been watching the hs fandom from afar since the epilogues were dropped.

this is a rlly good question- i have a lot of thoughts and feelings abt june and how the fandom has taken to her her and is now portraying her in popular fanon. im so sorry this has gotten so long. im also sorry if i say smth you or anyone reading this disagrees with, but in my experience this is kind of inevitable when it comes to the topic of june egbert, trans characters who havent come out in canon yet, and trans headcanons as a whole. this shits personal to all of us and we all have different perspectives on transness, and oftentimes how we view transness in fiction is very much coloured by our own gendered experience.

it boils down to: can we please fucking let trans girls live. we are so fuckin weird about transfem folks and trans girls/women, even in fiction. sometimes especially in fiction, actually. especially on this gd website. if i have to see one more person defending june (and tgirl roxy) as a concept, and through that, defending real life transfems existences by talking about girldick or being a sweet docile sugary femme babygirlie kittycat, i will turn everyone into a fucking goldfish and flush you all one by one down my toilet. this, again, also extends to how a lot of the fandom handles trans headcanons in general, regardless of gender. all of what im about to say is from watching the homestuck fandom and fanon grow and change over 10+ years, basically since the beginning on this site specifically

some disclaimers for my trans resume i guess: i am intersex. i am plural. we as a system identify systemwide as transfemasuline or transneutral in an attempt to both honor and not speak over each other in terms of gender expression and individuality, while also trying to condense our existence for singlets to understand better, faster. we dont have time to explain all our shit all the time lol. we have transfems and transmascs in our system and everyone getting a fair, even chance at their preferred presentation is how we roll. we have lived a transfemasculine life. you cant put us in a single blue or pink corner, it wont work we are immune to that bullshit.

the vriskafication of june egbert is basically me trying to short-hand describe the way that ive seen some fans portray june post-transition by turning her into a mean girl[tm] type of person. there's also the roxyfication of june egbert, where other people make her a ditzy bimbo who can do no wrong because 'shes a girl now' and thats apparently how ppl still think girls should behave?? jegbert's canon personality traits need not apply anymore, apparently, bc that was icky boy behaviour. ghostbusters who? she likes shopping now. fanon june is sometimes eerily similar or exactly like vriska (fanon, woobified vriska, mind you, bc we still cant get a grasp on vriska as a fandom either) while also dressing very high femme and only high femme. because she has to perform someone elses femininity (spoiler: our own concept of what girls 'should look like' to be considered girls) instead of her dads masculinity now. shes either mean like vriska, or dumbed down like fanon roxy, who again has been watered down into a ditzy dumb girly girl who has done nothing wrong ever, bc shes 'just a girl', and bc people get Uncomfy when fictional tgirls do bad things. and oh boy has canon roxy done some bad things

as a counterpoint to my aesthetic based grievances, which are entirely personal- you can portray june egbert however you want. i personally invision her as very butch, but i could be totally wrong! im not even trying to make guesses here! this is my personal make-believe! she is not a real person and has never actually appeared as herself in canon. we dont know what junathan would/will be like during and post-transition. we dont know what an egg crack event will do to them. but some of the ways ive seen june portrayed feels........ off, personality wise. very off. and thats what i care about. it feels like malgendering in way too many cases, with the ditzy girliepop/catty girlbully thing. its straying too close to the tgirl brand of madonna/whore that tfems have to face in real life constantly. this is especially bad for tgirl roxy but i'll get to how fanon vs canon roxy is handled later

i use the word 'vriskafication' bc like vriska, june egbert (meaning tgirl jegbert, previously known as john in fandom and currently as john in canon, just to hammer it home that june and john are the same person, because some fans do seem to forget that john is living life believing shes a boy and a man right now and i dont think that should be erased) is still a pretty polarizing concept. fans either love her and disregard jegbert as ever having been john, or they disregard her as a concept in favour of how john is right now in canon. or theyre just straight up transmisogynistic about it bc they want their yaoi or their het ships. and BOY are some of the fandom not shy about that. which actually leads me into my next disclaimer:

im not including tboy/tmasc john headcanons in the above statement. i do not care about fighting over trans headcanons. i think that shit is just disrespectful and pointless and juvenial. you are fighting for nothing. june/john will not thank you for fighting for their trans rights bc they are not real and have no rights. june is not canon (yet) because she has not had that realization yet, and we dont know if/when she will. and genderbend aus have been a thing since the dawn of fandom anyway. more than one type of headcanon can exist at the same time. we are playing pretend. headcanons will never be proper representation. we are fans, not corporate entities or big directors or production teams churning out content for mass audiences. john has been considered a cis boy for FAR longer than june has been a popular concept, and you dont know how long someone has had or how close to someones heart their trans headcanon is, regardless of what flavour of trans headcanon it is. its rude. some of yall are so fucking mean for no reason other than 'you cant sit with us. on wednesdays we wear pink' rules. very intentional reference there

and i mean okay, roxy. big pink elephant in the room. no one respects or even acknowledges the fact that roxy in the Meat timeline is transmasc and currently only uses he/him, and when they do they're bullied fuckin relentlessly and ostracised from fandom spaces. ive seen entire hate campagns specifically for badmouthing transmasc roxy fans to try to get them to stop posting tmasc roxy stuff, or to see it as transmisogynistic violence akin to shooting a real trans girl live on tv. i have seen these comparisons be made on this site. ive seen others get actually violently transphobic about it back in 2019-2022, and even now. ive talked to fans who were mass dogpiled and harrassed off tumblr for liking meat!roxy's direction, or even just not publicly condemning him while having a neutral stance. i myself have been instablocked from servers and off of ppls blogs for thinking tmasc roxy is cool and a good plot point for his overall personal arc, especially in juxtaposition with roxy's pregnancy in candy, and how that affected her rship with her body and her gender. ive been called horrible things for even considering roxy to be anything but DMAB. that chapter in candy where we get a glimpse inside roxy's head about gender was beautifuly written with a lot of tact for trans people who can be or have been pregnant and enjoyed it, something that is INSANELY RARE. UNHEARD OF, EVEN, IN MEDIA. so this really isnt about trans rights or representation from my perspective. its just gendered bullying and a whole lotta white knighting from people who are majoratively not even fucking transfem.

the same notes of trans coding for roxy that fans deem only as transfem could be seen as coding for transmasculinity too. yes, including the XY thing. does anyone remember what foreshadowing is. and all of this even depends, hinges, on whether hussie intentionally wrote ANY of the human kids as trans initially or had it planned from the very beginning, which i really really really dont think she did!!! in 2009??? yeah fucking right!!!! the entire thing about roxy and jane pressuring dirk and jake into relationships is about cis girls feeling posessive of and entitled to queer boy's bodies and attention, because its something they cant have, and cis girls are seen as a group of people physically incapable of harm, which is misogyny that directly effects cis girls/womens victims. its a direct mirroring to cis boys doing the same to queer girls. and as much as i love all flavour of trans reads for the alpha kids in fandom, i dont think i wouldve appreciated it in canon. i wouldve hated it, actually. it waters down the message and makes everything far too messy and open to bad faith interpretation. we need more trans characters doing bad things in media, but the era the alpha kids section of HS1 was being published was NOT the time. an inarguably canon tgirl character preying on an inarguably queer tboy in 2011-2012? there would have been blood in the streets. i VASTLY prefer fanon interpretations when it comes to the alpha kids being trans. i trust fans way more, but i obviously still have reservations about that which is why im here writing all this

to further back this up- hussie has also openly discussed having her eyes opened to queer issues BY queer fans WHILE HS1 was still being updated!!! THATS why you can see a gradual influx of genuine queerness in homestuck as you read it!!! the vagueness of the trans coding we percieve in the text is why tboy john is still so popular!!! WAY more trans experiences, especially in childhood, are more similar than The Current Discourse bad actors will try to have you believe. please dont believe them, they're not right in the head and the ppl trying to convince you that someone has it The Absolute Worst are lying to you. we all have it bad, thats how oppressive systems work. its just in different patterns for indiviuduals. a middle class trans persons oppression can and often will look VASTLY different to a poor trans persons oppression bc different axis of oppression are at work. it depends on the type of person our oppressors label us as, they dgaf if anyone identifies as TME or TMA. thats a little beside the point but its absolutely contributed to how fans treat fictional trans characters, especially in the last few years

i hate hate hate the ideology in this fandom that one trans interpretation or headcanon is more valuable, or hits harder, or is more idk narratively transcendient or powerful than The Other, so The Other is deemed boring/bland/sauceless/whatever and deserves all the hate and takedowns and dismantling and nitpicking it gets. the fans of this Other Trans Headcanon deserve their hate and calls to kill themselves because theyre just Wrong About It. but thats not true. none of that is true. you just dont vibe with other flavours of fanmade trans narrative. and thats completely fine actually. its literally like preferring carrot cake to raspberry pie. it is on that level outside of transphobic biases, and i sincerely believe that a lot of fans start out on that level, but dip into transphobic biases because of the constant fucking weird moral panic about trans girls, and by extension, young trans people as a whole. which is not fine. whats also not fine is attacking fans of trans characters over said trans characters gender, canon or interpreted!!!

to tie this tf up bc i dont want this to go on for any longer than it has, im so so SO SO SO tired of fanon june and roxy being trans girls first and foremost over their actual characterization. and im even MORE tired of the word 'girl' being taken in fiction to mean dumb, sweet, (white)feminine, wouldnt hurt a fly, so so cuddlysoft, girlboss it up girlfriend, you cant sit with us, im such a cool bitch, im cooler than you dumb gross boy because im a girl, what personality i dont have one i dont need one because im a girl.

so much of fandom has forgotten that roxy is fucking mean and WILL ignore whatever doesnt fit her whims/wants and will plow through her closest friends and loved ones regardless of the situation at hand because of what she wants. she canonically admitted to harrassing dirk on the daily because she wanted him, because she was lonely and couldnt see past her own hurt to see that she was also hurting her friend. and oh my god, mom lalonde, worlds first abscent mother who swears up and down that she loves you really, rosie posie, its just that mommy's real hungover again and also very busy. that is BRILLIANT characterization for a female character, and its been forgotten behind the big pink bedazzled neon ITS A GIRL sign. and the same has been happening with june!!! and it sucks!!!! us transfems are just people we are JUST people. i dont want trans girl characters only point of characterization to be trans and girls!!!! i dont want talking heads and perfect cardboard cutouts in lipstick!!!! when june happens i want her to be exactly the same as when she was john because thats who i became enamoured with in HS1 and thats who i watched grow up in the epilogues and THATS who i want to see finally find their place in paradox space as herself. i want her personality intact, and i dont want to see her forget or turn her back on her childhood and teen and young adult years. i dont want june to be fanon vriskafied

[thatfoxnamedfinley]

LET'S BURN aka Morning Star thoughts

YOU KNOW HOW WE DO

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT lets GOOoOooooOooooooOOO

Trigg was a gay icon "Stay close. Nut to butts here, dont be shy."

RAGNARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I cried UGLY TEARS on my drive home from work. The only time I cried during the book. Ragnar talking about how he will build him a house next to his but don't come to the Veil too quickly because it will take him a while to build it. Telling his sister to live for more. Smiling even at the end.

PB, why bro. You have damaged me by doing the following.

1.) Killing Pax (THE ENDING DONT TOUCH ME, WELL GET TO IT)

2.) Killing Pax's archetype replacement

You make me like Pax, you take him away. You make me LOVE Ragnar and you take him away. Ragnar UNDERSTOOD, he understood the Rising and what it all meant more than most and you TOOK HIM AWAYYYYYYY. *Slams fist on table*

Ok ok ok ok also small side note when they crashed and encountered Cassius and Aja (i love to hate this bitch) and Mustang has her bow drawn on Cassius and is like

I WILL PUT YOU DOWN

and in my brain I'm like "nah she wouldn't"

and then she FIRES the shot into Cassius' neck

((the plot armor on this man is actually crazy))

And I had this amazing moment when listening to the audiobook that I got goosies...I imagined the snow around her and her hair blowing around her face and DETERMINATION in her eyes as she fires the shot

I was so PROUD of her

I was like

Sevro and Darrow's fight was awesome. Sweet, even. Talking about how he can see the protectiveness in Darrow's eyes when he was looking at the refugees on Tinos. His head on Darrow's knee. Talking about Eo & Sevro talking about how all he wanted was to cause wrath in the wake of his father's murder. He questions his leadership abilities and doesn't want it. I understand because he was the one that was still looking for Darrow. Saved him from torment and torture. He came back different, broken and defeated. Sad. ANGRY. Then how quickly leadership fell back to Darrow when he was the one that worked during that year that the Rising wavered when everyone thought The Reaper had been killed.

OH OH OH

one of my favorite parts of this book was The Reaper's speech. Because he wasn't Darrow, he was REAPER. He's also dramatic as fuck and I love him. He was standing up there in front of Refugees and I got GOOOOOOSIIESSS bitch when the people were like, reaching out to touch him, I was like THIS SHIT IS CRAZY. He has no branding and he's like

"I STAND BEFORE YOU A MAN UNBOUND" and people are gasping in shit cause he's like the first person in hundreds of years to bear no sigils of color.

"I speak now to Golds, to the Aureate who rule. I have walked your halls, broken your schools, eaten at your tables and suffered your gallows. You tried to kill me. You could not. I know your power. I know your pride. And I have seen how you will fall. For 700 years you have ruled over the dominion of man, and this is all you have given us. It is not enough."

I could see why people wanted to follow him. That speech was fucking EPIC.

Other thoughts. Romulus us gunna be a problem. I also think Lysander is going to have a big role. Idk what but my spidey sense is tingling. After all that trauma he was just TOTALLY OK to talk to the Ash Lord and help get the plan moving...?

Pls dont tell this little boi is about to be Jackal 2.0

OMFG THE JACKAL

BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII this man is inSANE!

Nuclear warfare because he wasn't getting his way??? Wanting Darrow to kill himself LIVE? DARROWS HAND GETTIGN CHOPPED OFF

BRO I THOUGHT CASSIUS BETRAYED THEM I WAS SO FCKING PISSED. I was like YO CASSIUS IT IS ON FUCKING SITE THE NEXT TIME WE SEE YOU BRO COUNT ON IT COUNT YOUR DAYS

Then I was like oh ok nevermind

All because of that little fucking holocube, the GOAT of GOATS. Showing Cassius' family being disposed of.

I have a few GOATs of this book.

(secret GOAT is Sophocles. i want to give him a jellybean)

1.) Mustang. Firing that arrow and in the discussion with Romulus she was KEY.

2.) The defiant Pink that opened the bay on the Moonbreaker. Shaking but defiant, angry at her overlords. Amazing moment.

3.) Victra. Her moment when she saw Darrow having to make a hard decision and blowing the stuff on Ganymede to cripple Romulus and The Rim. "Share some of the load, darling. This is on me." What a fucking GOAT.

4.) Sevro. CRUCIAL to taking Aja down. That shit was 3 v 1 and they would NOT have won without him. Him low to the ground moving like an animal smirking like "YOURE GUNNA DIEEE TODAY BITCH" im like

Because Aja was such a THREAT bro. I was so NERVOUS someone was going to die and they almost did!

OH OH OH (im so sorry i was up all night until like 9am finishing the audiobook so Im kind of delirious) Darrow rushing Octavia on LIVE TV and going like *shink shink shink shink shink shink shink* in her stomach with his teeth bared and I'm like YAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BITCCHHHHHH

Finally, I was oddly, ODDLY uderstanding of why Mustand kept baby Pax a secret. For a split second I was like "WOAH WAIT WTF-" But then I was like ".....Yeah, no that makes sense." She understood what Darrow wanted but wasn't sure if the Rising would be like the genecide of Golds, her people. So she wasn't sure she couldt rust him. I get it. Nodding in understanding. Valid. She wanted to see if he was capable of BUILDING. She knows he can destroy. But can he follow up the revolution by actually building a better future.

Now she knows he can, and he has a BABBBBYYYY

I do know there is a massive time jump in the next book and multiple POVs. I'm nervous but ready.

*Random side side note

Sevro and Victra came out of nowhere for me and was something I didn't get at all

*side side side note

The Telemanus' are also GOATs

Kavax and Daxo are babies

*side side side side note, one of my other favorite moments was before they drilled with their clawdrills intot he Moonbreaker and Darrow says

"Drills hot. Helmets up. LET'S BURN." GOOOOSSSIESS

audiobook narrator performance was FANTASTIC

[justa-smalltown-gargoyle]

Hey batman/batfam people, I wanted to talk about something. I know this might not be received well, but...this is my blog. So if you disagree with me, feel free to block me! Literally that's what's great about this site. (I've been trying to do so on my end, but I thought I'd reach out a bit.....idk maybe try to form some understanding?)

I have been a batman fan since like...age 13 or something. Batman as a character means so fucking much to me, as does all his kids and massive extended family. (can't forget Alfred, Kate, Lucius, and Jeff Gordon!!) And I know that they mean a lot to you guys too.

In comic book and fandom spaces we talk a lot about misrepresentation of characters in fandom, but even in "canon" or rather published/produced content. I have beef with a lot of live action adaptions of Batman for example.

The thing with comic book characters, even more than some fandoms/pieces of media, is that there is SO MUCH content out there, that two people can say they like this one character but those two versions might be in total contradiction. But does that make one right over the other? does that make one superior?

Now, I hate Ben Affleck's Batman. And to fans of his, I'd say, you want the punisher, not Batman, because to me, that goes against who Batman is fundamentally. I read the comics, watch a lot of the animated stuff, and formed my own opinion and version of Batman. However, and this seems to be a controversial take, i really enjoy Wayne Family Adventures.

I see a lot of hate on here for WFA (and on tiktok but they're another beast), which, it's not for everyone, that's okay! Not everyone has to like what I like. But what I don't agree with, is that people who like WFA are seen as "not true batman fans", "they haven't ever read a comic". "they only like the flat fanon versions of the characters", etc.

These comments I would like to rebut- some comic readers such as myself might enjoy WFA. There might be people that have never read a comic or even watched anything batman related but like WFA. Are they not valid to enjoy that and have their own fandom for that? Are they not allowed to be fans of Batman?

I also would ask, how much of WFA did you actually read? In it's nature, it's suppose to be the bat family on their time off, or more light stories, but it actually addresses things like Jason's trauma, Duke moving in to the Manor, Damian struggling to fit in at school, things like that. Now if you read pretty far and still didn't like the portrayal of the characters, that's fine, I'm not asking you to change your opinion, however I am asking you to make space for those who do enjoy it, or that WFA is their first introduction or only experience with the Batman and co.

WFA isn't perfect, but it holds a special place in my heart, and gives me more content for Not Perfect but Trying and Cares Dad Bruce Wayne which I am grateful for. And tbh I feel like it just shows other sides to the characters we don't see that often!

And again, obvi people have their opinions, I guess I'm just asking for us to be more aware and create a space where people can feel free and excited to talk about these characters that we all love. I enjoy content and discussions I see in the tags and different blogs but then I see the hate for WFA fans and it just puts a real damper on otherwise really good content.

Anyways, thanks for reading!

[wifegideonnav]

I'm new to Tumblr. How do Tumblr users usually engage with each other?

well first of all welcome haha. the main ways to engage with people are:

liking and reblogging. platforms like instagram and tiktok run on likes and an algorithm, but on tumblr, people almost exclusively use their dashboard and turn off suggested content, so they’re only seeing what people actually reblog onto their dash. that’s why people on this site are so adamant about reblogs, because likes basically do nothing. i saw someone say once that anything you would like on a different social media, you should reblog on here, and i totally agree. and don’t worry about how old a post is, or about reblogging something you’ve previously reblogged. there are posts from 2014 that i regularly see on my dash a decade later, so literally don’t feel awkward, it’s 100% normal to engage with old posts.

tags. there are three main ways tags are used: labeling original content so people find it in searches, internal organization systems when reblogging or posting (for instance, many people have a tag for their original posts, and will tag reblogs by fandom or character or whatever - important note that reblogs do not show up in search results), and to make sotto voce comments on a post. it’s normal for people to make jokes, add their own commentary, ramble about something semi relevant, or say something to op in the tags on posts they reblog.

reblog additions. every time you reblog, you have the chance to add something to the post, which unlike tags will be retained when someone reblogs from you. a good rule of thumb is to comment instead of tagging when it’s something you actually want other people to engage with, as opposed to tags where you’re just kind of expressing yourself lol. don’t be surprised however if you see people’s tags getting screenshotted and added to a reblog. if this happens because the screenshotter likes what the tag writer said, it’s jokingly referred to as “passing peer review.” (and of course people screenshot tags to criticize or mock them as well.) essentially, tags are like being at a big group dinner and saying something to the person next to you as an aside, and then sometimes that person goes “hey everyone listen to this”

post comments. there’s also an option on every post (unless op has turned it off) for people to comment on the post itself, not on a specific reblog. mostly this is useful for talking to people on personal posts or posts with reblogs turned off. on a bigger post, just reblog it and put your thoughts in an addition or tag.

asks. seems like you figured this one out! lmao. asks are used for a wide variety of things, but essentially it can either be a prompt for someone to make a post or a way of having an interaction/conversation with someone without dming them.

dms. these work like dms everywhere else, except the functionality is limited and it kinda sucks.

games. there are also many varieties of games that people play with each other, ranging from ask games (things like “rec me some music” or a post with prompts and people send you some from that list), tag games (typically there are questions you answer then you tag other people to fill them out for themselves) handwriting tags, follow chains, giveaways, name/url playlists, and more. with the addition of polls, brackets have gotten popular too (eg the tumblr sexyman bracket). there also used to be a lot of in-character ask blogs, where a user would set up a blog and roleplay as a specific character that people could send questions to (there still are some but way fewer and way less popular than there used to be)

to be honest i feel like i have to put “discourse” and “drama” on this list too. people on this site loveeee having the most insane arguments of all time and then everyone else memes the hell out of it. google “sonic for real justice” for an example lmao. (of course there’s also very unfunny political and fandom discourse that goes on as well. i would advise you to avoid discourse blogs as a general rule regardless of whether you agree with their position or not)

tagging people. you can also @ people in posts you think they’d like or if you feel like they have relevant input. typically this is something you would do either to people you’ve spoken to before, or a big blog with an established persona and rapport with their followers (eg if you follow a blog about snakes and you see a random post with snake info that seems wrong but you’re not sure, so you tag them to ask for their expertise).

and this isn’t a specific “mode” of communication but it’s also a thing to “interpret” (for lack of a better word) other people’s posts. for instance, people drawing a photo from the original post (i cant find it but there was a post going around recently where op posted an aesthetic photo of an egg cooking and then several people painted it), or people trying/recreating something a post was about (example). it was also a thing for a minute there where people would rewrite funny exchanges as shakespearean dialogue

those are all the ways i can think of, although im sure i’ve missed some (if other people think of any pls add on!). good luck, and i hope you’re able to meet some cool people!