#I think we should all attack him with comically sized hammers

[brahmenbones]

Frimcking… bnuy

[the-mjolnir-owner]

Here comes the post™ about the movie™ no one asked for

I’ve been postponing this due to spoilers, but I think it’s time now.

Those of you who already know me and who I speak to daily already know my opinion about EG and maybe I was expecting it to to change in some weeks, but it didn’t.

It’s not a surprise to anyone that Thor’s my favorite character who I’ve been playing for at least seven years. He brought me joy, helped me to find friends for life and gave me strength when I was down.

It’s not a surprise that I feel betrayed and disappointed by how his story was dealt in this last movie and I’m willing to ignore parts of it and replace it with my own canon. It’s not that I had faith in the production to begin with, but still I was let down with all of this disrespect.

Don’t read it if you haven’t watched the movie, heavy spoilers ahead.

My thoughts:

-          Thor didn’t get anyone back. I wasn’t expecting those who were killed to return, but maybe those who got dusted could include Sif at least, but they’re not known to respect women at all. He fought for everyone’s else happy ending but his, and although this is in character, it’s still sad

-          There was no satisfactory ending to Thor/Loki relationship. Everyone who bothered to watch Thor’s movies know that Thor and Loki share a deep, complicated bond. It’s a love/hate relationship and they were working to mend it when Loki had one of the most gruesome, unnecessary deaths I’ve ever seen on screen. They never shared a hug on screen and they didn’t use Tom/Loki’s popularity for anything. The death of a character who struggled their whole life by the hands of their abuser? No thank you, you can keep it

-          Thor went back to Asgard and didn’t even visit Loki. I didn’t understand their time travel rules but I know they were confusing. Thor normally doesn’t play by human’s laws and I wished his approach to Loki was different. That was the last time he was seeing his brother and I understand him losing it when he meets Frigga, maybe one of the best scenes he has in the entire shitshow

-          Thor’s love life sucks. Everybody had their happy dance, their happy marriage with kids, but Thor, who was left with no family at all. I don’t ship Thor/Jane but it’s clear he loves her deeply, she was an important person in his life who opened his eyes and taught him to be less arrogant, selfish and more human. I don’t want them to be a couple anymore, but they could at least respect this relationship. They did them dirty since TDW but that’s another subject. I don’t want Thor/Jane anymore when we have a whole Thorkyrie meal waiting to happen, but they could at least address this subject and show that Thor/Jane can still be friends

-          They really said fuck asgardian lives.  I wasn’t expecting anyone to return, but have Steve going back in time to have his happy ending was a bit selfish imo, considering Thor was left to live his own reality where everybody is dead but him. They didn’t have to save Asgard or prevent the elves from attacking, but they could have changed Thanos’ attack to their deteriorated ship and the massacre that followed. I thought Thor could meet his sister somehow and bring back the fallen asgardians. That would be better. He could have used the gauntlet himself to fix this shit, but Thor was a second rate character in EG

-          I was told there was a Thorkyrie kiss scene in Ragnarok and now I understand why it was cut. Valkyrie could have a pivotal role in not allowing Thor to succumb in a spiral of self hatred and lethargy, sharing the burden of leading a collapsed civilization and helping Thor out of his drunk state, in the same way he helped her, brought her home and gave her life a new purpose. It was a conscious decision to take everything from Thor, especially his development. 

If I was mad they let Valkyrie be King instead of Thor, who was grown to rule? Not at all. He wouldn’t be able to do anything considering his mental state, trauma and self image, he needs to recover and heal and it takes time. 

He was king for about 8 hours and he had to witness his family, his friends and his people being slaughtered in front of him and we know he carries this blame like an anchor. Valkyrie at least managed to lead the escape pods to Earth and probably lead them while Thor was fighting in IW. She’s the only one left he can count on, and their scenes together were disappointing

-          Talking about trauma.  I knew he wouldn’t be ok considering what happened to him in the recent movies. He lost his mom, his brother, his lover, his father, all of his friends, his eye, his hammer, his hair, his sister, his planet, his army, his people, his battle. We know since AoU that his worst fear was losing them all and he had to witness all of this foreshowed carnificina (remember they weren’t snapped, a quick and painless death, no, they were all butchered one by one in front of Thor) without getting a break or some time to react or grieve or anything in response to it. 

I’ve read before he’s a safe choice when it comes to trauma, nothing should affect him because he’s a god. But it does, he may be a god but he’s still made of flesh and bones and a beating heart that is way too big and too soft. 

We watched his desperate attempts to make things right in IW, his desperate attempts to end his own life. We watched him ready to die by Loki’s side when the ship was about to explode. We watched him taking the full blast of a star, forging an ax by the cost of his own life. Bless Hemsworth for all of Thor’s emotional scenes, every time he cried I cried as well because I could understand and relate to his struggle of trying to remain fine for his friends’ sake while his heart was shattered

-          That trauma reflected on his self image. He couldn’t go through all of this unscatched, and it’s ok. I understand his recluse, his effort to shut down the world outside and deal with things by the only way he knows how to deal with any inner turmoil: drowning his sorrow in alcohol. He’s always been a heavy drinker and it’s a normal, accepted asgardian behavior to drink entire casks of ale (see Valkyrie). You know what’s not ok? Using his problems as a fucking three hours joke.

-          He’s the only character whose pain isn’t treated like a real problem. As if he’s being dramatic when he can’t say a name or tell a story without losing it or going through a panic attack. Skinny characters are worthy compassion, thicc characters aren’t and I see your fatphobia, @marvel

-         Fucking three hour joke. I’ve seen someone point on twitter that there are two stances to weight in EG: Tiny gets stranded in space for weeks, when he returns to earth he’s malnourished, thin, sick. People immediately tend to him, he’s hospitalized, it’s heartbreaking to see him like this and it’s obvious he has been through too much. All the characters involved react to him with sympathy. The same can’t be told about Thor. He has a weight problem too, he’s dissociating and he doesn’t care what he looks like anymore. I know people who went through the same ordeal. 

Thor’s punishing himself for feeling like a failure and it reflects on his body. Yet, we are lead to feel sorry for one of them (Tiny) and laugh at the other (Thor). The audience is lead to have compassion by one character going through a difficult phase and being grossed out/amused by another character who is going through the same thing, if not worse.

-          It’s not woke nor progressive to have a fit man wearing a badly made fat suit to badly portray a fat person.  It was literally made to entertain, to be a comic relief, not to raise awareness of how mental health problems can cause physical problems as well and it’s a missed opportunity to have an approach to it, on how men are supposed to be fit all the time, on how superhero bodies can be in all shapes and sizes. It’s all about fat-shaming and fatphobia. 

I love and appreciate Thor in all shapes and forms, but what they did to him wasn’t a body positive view and if they mean to keep fat Thor in their next projects, they better hire an actual plus size actor. The sole purpose of chubby Thor was to degrade the character and strip him of sympathy because he “did that to himself”

-          This mockery comes from other superheroes.  What are we teaching young audiences when they watch the Avengers making fun of a debilitated person? That it’s ok to laugh at a fat, depressed person who has panic attacks? Thor gets mocked, teased and fat shamed by people who are dear to him, by the only “friends” he has left - friends whom he knows for at least 6+ years - friends he defended and saved countless times before. By his own mother to some degree. 

They don’t show him the same sympathy and just like Odin, Thor’s only seen worthy by how hard he can strike, by how powerful he can be. A weapon, not a person, and when said weapon loses its sharpness, it’s not worthy fixing anymore. Thor’s a war hound and that’s the only aspect the Avengers value in him. 

It’s important to remember Thor treated the Hulk differently, like a person, and supported Bruce when he didn’t want to turn into the Hulk. He treated Valkyrie differently, too, when he realized she had alcohol problems and carried an immense grief. Thor’s often betrayed by people whom he loves and trusts, but this is too much of an insult to people going through the same problems in the audience. It’s sad to see all the other characters (except Bruce/Hulk) denying emphathy and compassion to Thor, knowing Thor would never deny emphathy and compassion to anyone else

-          Thor isn’t lazily eating/drinking after a broke up, no. He was traumatized from seeing everyone he had ever loved die in front of him then being blamed for not stopping Thanos, or going to the head. He hopes that by chopping Thanos’ head off he’d feel better, but he doesn’t. Thor lost more people than any of the others and Cap goes to group theraphy sessions (never bothers to invite Thor), Tiny gets hospitalized but Thor doesn’t have a fit boy anymore, he doesn’t deserve simpathy, he’s lazy for letting it happen to him and that’s how they want us to feel. Amused by Thor’s pain that’s less important now because he lost his 8 pack

-          He died to forge a weapon and it wasn’t enough. He did an herculean job to make a weapon strong enough to kill Thanos, not only did he fail but he also survived to tell. If he had died trying, then his ticket to Valhalla would be granted, but he lost it as well. 

Not only he carries a huge survivor guilt, but the certainty he isn’t worthy anything anymore, not even the golden halls of Valhalla wait for him. And he tries time and time again to live a glorious death that doesn’t come

-          His drunkenness is ooc. They contradicted their own canon by claiming that Thor can get drunk on weak midgardian ale. He can’t. He could really drink that amount of beer, but it wouldn’t affect him. Not even physically. Thor has a fast metabolism and it would take him some hundred years to become that chubby on weak beer or other beverages. They ignored their own canon to insist in this joke, that had greenlight from everybody involved

-          Marvel’s efforts to hide chubby Thor. In the trailers, in the posters, in the action figures and promotional images, we see the usual Thor, fit. It’s supposed to be a big surprise to see Thor like this, people told me. I think it’s all about sending a message that chubby heroes don’t sell and they hid this information purposely. There’s no action figures of fat Thor. He isn’t made to promote the movie, awareness or sell anything. Because a fat person serves only for fun, they think, not to sell, his role in this movie is to be mocked. But it’s on them, because in this house we love and respect chubby Thor and I can’t wait to buy his fluffly plush doll

-          Thor’s weakened. Stormbreaker is used as a bottle opener and they seem to forget how powerful it was. Everything that Taika did, the Russos undid. The whole point of Ragnarok (the best Thor movie imo) was showing Thor and the audience he doesn’t need a weapon to be powerful. In IW he gets his eye back and makes an ax, forgetting all of this, and in EG he has his hammer back. Not only one, but he’s wielding two magical weapons and is still beaten? No way. I can’t believe I paid actual money to watch it. Thor could have used the gauntlet and he’d still be fine and alive, it would be so much better imo

-          He is back to using a weapon to tell him he has value. He was over mjolnir’s standards on what’s worthy anymore and he’s finally free of its magical whims. Now he trusts in the hammer judgment of him again because what else does he have? Who else does he have?

-          They never wanted us to feel bad about Thor. They mixed Thor’s sadness with shots of his body to entertain from the fact that he’s dead inside. His arc is made for laughs. We’re lead to think it’s funny. If they wanted us to feel bad about fat Thor, they would make him thin like Tiny who got all the sympathy he deserved. Bless Chris for the emotion he conveyed though

-          Thor leaving with the Guardians was a conflicting point. I’d love to see Thor with the GoTG and I love the previous GoTG movies. But it won’t solve his problems. I wanted him to heal, and if the Guardians will help him with it, instead of the Avengers, then it’s ok. He should accept there are things he can’t change and it’s not his fault, he should try and change the things he can and look forward to something, anything, that would give him hope again

-          In the end, at least, everybody was rooting for him to recover and it was good. He wasn’t magically made thin again and all the time I was waiting for a Rocky Balboa sequence with Thor lifting weight or jogging, but it didn’t happen, and at least it served to show us that he’s still worthy, a hero and himself in spite of how he looks or how much he weighs

-          It hurts to see an optimistic, caring character losing it.  I know he wouldn’t leave unscatched, but it’s sad to lose my ray of sunshine Thor, who always had hope and fought for what was right. Seeing my favorite character lethargic, apathetic and not being the protagonist of his own life is very hard. Thor always brought me inspiration and he instills the best in people: he supports Sif when she wants to be a warrior, he shows Jane she’s right in her researches, shows Valkyrie she’s not her failure, helps Bruce out of panic attacks in an alien planet, tries to reach for Loki time and time again, he trusts the Avengers and works with them in order to save a world that isn’t even his. He saved the world at least four times. 

And they all let him down. It’s not a satisfactory conclusion, but I didn’t hope they’d make it differently. I still hope I’ll see my Thor again and even if I don’t, I’ll write him with faithful friends I met along the way. He deserves it and I won’t let him down

Any positive points after miles of salt?

Thor chopping off Thanos’ head and probably using it as a mug was nice.

I liked his Viking looks with braids in his hair and beard and how he weilded two magical weapons.

Sharing them with Cap, who is one of his best friends, is great too.

Having Thor leaving with the Guardians was a nice choice because I like the Guardians and I know Thor will return better after this vacation to assume his throne.

 Leaving the throne for Valkyrie means she’s his Queen in his eyes and you’ll have to pry Thorkyrie from my cold, dead hands. 

There’s a bitter taste, yeah, but things can be better in the future when the sun will shine on us again.

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 2: The Racism of the Conductor’s Baton (Part 2)

FAILURE ARTIST: We don’t get much time to mourn with Dave because the comic flashes to a weird wizard statue. This statue is ZAZZERPAN THE LEARNED. Wizards are another recurring theme in Homestuck. Andrew Hussie once artfully defaced this cheesy book called Wizardology (warning: lots of really offensive humor). Anyway, Rose hates the giant statue and the other wizard paraphernalia her mother collects and believes her mother does this only to spite her. On a platform is a bronzed vacuum (with a place to put alcoholic beverages) that Rose gave her as an ironic present. On the couch there’s a life-sized princess doll that Rose has attached a Cthulhu-type head to. All these things set up Rose’s troubled relationship with her mother. Rose believes her mother is taunting her and Rose taunts her back.

BRIGHT: This scene also establishes that some things (the Cthulhu doll for one) are too big to be captchalogued.

CHEL: Actually, that was noted with the harlequin doll earlier but we forgot to mention that.

FAILURE ARTIST: Rose goes to the kitchen. On the fridge is a crude picture of her late cat Jaspers, who turns out to be more than a family pet. There’s more signs of this cold war between mother and daughter on the fridge.

CHEL: Also, numerous liquor bottles in the kitchen and comically exaggerated displays of wealth, such as a fifteen-thousand-dollar picture frame.

FAILURE ARTIST: After fussing with the fridge, Rose tries to leave the kitchen only to run into her mother. She tries escaping but lands comically in some wizard statuettes.

CHEL: Mom Lalonde is mopping the floor, with no water in the bucket, holding a martini in her other hand. The woman clearly has a problem. Again, this is an issue with the portrayal of the parents; this is pretty funny, but were a real mother behaving this way, it would seriously mess up the kid, and whether we’re supposed to take it as Rule of Funny or not later becomes inconsistent.

BRIGHT: I think a lot of the humour here is supposed to come from the implication that Mom Lalonde actually is a loving if clueless (and drunk) parent, and Rose is reading her badly. On the other hand, something is clearly very wrong, and while Mom Lalonde may indeed be loving the situation is definitely having an impact on Rose.

TIER: Say whatever you want, but when putting on the late game Cerebus Retcon goggles there are probably non-humorous questions to be asked about how screwy Mom Lalonde is as a parental unit if her daughter has ended up interpreting most of her actions as mocking or backhanded towards herself. Like, kids don't just decide that.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 3

CHEL: Back to Dave, he’s chatting with GG and they’re being adorable. GG comments about her birthday present to John, the green box we saw in the car earlier, and…

GG: no!!!!!!! GG: he will not open it GG: he will lose it!!! TG: oh TG: uh TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess? GG: no its good actually! GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place! TG: see like TG: i never get how you know these things GG: i dont know GG: i just know that i know!

I think here is when we start to get inklings of the kids’ unusual abilities - I mean, unusual in the context of the weird world they live in. A bit more is established about GG’s home life and Dave’s attitudes, too:

GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking TG: man TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off GG: heheheh! GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!! TG: yeah TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok GG: ._. GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain GG: it is usually........ GG: intense!!! TG: well yeah isnt it always with family TG: but he sounds like a total badass

“Intense” in a world where attacking your father with a hammer isn’t worthy of comment sounds worrying. We’ll see how that goes.

FAILURE ARTIST: Dave has the tiniest of smiles here and in Hussie’s annotation he says that one pixel created Dave/GG. Whether or not their connection is romantic, Dave obviously feels great affection for her.

CHEL: Interactions between all four of the kids are really sweet, honestly. Dialogue and character interactions are one of the strongest points of the comic overall. Personally I have a soft spot for the OT4.

TIER: In my unprofessional opinion, the beta humans are by far the most functioning and tight knit group of the various groups within the comic, for what that's worth considering the overall dysfunction junction. They're sweet to one another is what I'm saying.

CHEL: Dave talks to John, who mentions the creepy trails around his house and how he thinks he’s seen monsters, which we the audience have definitely seen; creepy little black imps with fangs and, oddly, jester outfits. They bear a striking resemblance to the Wayward Vagabond, in fact. Dave makes fun, but at least pretends not to disbelieve him, and urges him to keep his hammer at the ready. Dave can’t find his Bro, but can find “Lil Cal”, implying Bro is nearby.

TG: lil cal is the shit EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying. WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 5

Would a non-white rapping ventriloquist be any cooler? I’m struggling to see how. Ventriloquism, by definition, sucks the cool out of any other aspect of the thing. And now I’m picturing Carlton from Fresh Prince trying to rap with a ventriloquist’s doll.

BRIGHT: Back at the Lalonde residence, Rose attempts to ‘Youth Roll’ out of the front door, but her escape route is blocked by her mother, who appears with martini glass in hand. Time for our second Strife of the comic! (And can I say that I really like the music for this one?)

As with John’s strife with his dad, this strife tells us a lot about Rose’s relationship with her mother. John had the AGGRIEVE and ABJURE options; Rose also gets AGGRESS (PASSIVE) and ABSTAIN. It’s pretty telling that one of these options is an EMPTY SUICIDE THREAT, and ‘Abstain’ has Rose fending off her mother’s insistent offer of the martini glass.

FAILURE ARTIST: I liked the EMPTY SUICIDE THREAT at the time but now I think it deserves an ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?

BRIGHT: Mom Lalonde may be intended as loving-but-clueless, but she’s offering her thirteen year old daughter alcohol, over Rose’s protests, and something is clearly very wrong if suicide threats are a normal part of life. (Something similar will come up in the future, but in that context it isn’t played for laughs.)

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 4

On a lighter note, ‘Abjure’ has her mother offering her A BEAUTIFUL PONY. Rose reacts in the moment like this is terrible, but does later pat the pony’s nose.

At any rate, the strife ends when Mom Lalonde apparently gets bored and decides to do some dusting. This takes all the fun out of using the front door, so Rose goes around the back to make her break for the generator.

Meanwhile, John is trying to read up on weaponizing sylladexes (sylladices?), but is being nagged by a voice to turn around — which he finally does, just in time for a monster to ram into him so hard it turns the panel pixelated. Strife time!

John’s bout with the Shale Imp kicks off with the monster threatening the Con Air bunny. John’s efforts to defend it are intercut with Rose’s progress out of the house and through the rain to the mausoleum. I think this interplay works quite nicely — it keeps both things moving without letting the reader get impatient -- but your mileage may vary.

The imp aggravates John by punching the bunny in the belly and waving it at him. John attacks the imp and breaks his hammer, then attacks it with the handle and gets knocked flat. Finally he weaponises his sylladex and chucks his inventory at it until it explodes into a shower of grist.

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX!!!!!! Now why couldn’t he put the bunny back in the box?

Because he’d set it as his strifekind, it turns out.

In true video game style, defeating the imp causes John to level up! In Homestuck, this is done by ascending one’s echeladder, a series of player levels with whimsical, old-fashioned names. John climbs two rungs, from Greentike to Plucky Tot, and earns 125 Boondollars.

Note how efficient this is: In one panel we can see that the echeladder is a levelling system, that Boondollars are in-Game currency, and that levelling up has increased John’s amount of grist and how much of it he can carry. He’s also got a new kind of grist called ‘Shale’. Hussie does take an extra panel to clarify the grist capacity expansion, but that makes sense as it’s a small part of the original panel. Compare this to the dozens of panels we’ve had laying out how sylladexes work. These panels are much more information-dense, and the comic flows better for it.

CHEL: Exactly what “grist” is and what it does beyond allowing changes to the house, why those changes are needed, and what “boondollars” are for hasn’t been explained yet, but will be soon, and it’s clear they’re something to do with the game so it’s not outright confusing.

BRIGHT: John spends the next few panels sorting his strife specibus out, and stashes the bunny in there for safekeeping. There’s something amiss, but he can’t quite put his finger on it...

Meanwhile, Rose has reached the mausoleum and prepares to activate the generator. The taxidermied corpse of her beloved pet lies in state, dressed in a tiny suit. A sad fate for an animal who should have peacefully decomposed in a flowerbed. Rose kicks it off the pedestal to make room for the laptop.

John discovers what’s wrong when a bucket of water perched atop his door lands on his head. The culprit behind this sudden dousing?

"[S] WHAT THIS IS SO OUTRAGEOUS (HD)" (Watch on YouTube)

Apparently the sprite has a sense of humour.

Next up is a pesterlog between Rose and Dave. There are hints that all is not well in the Strider residence.

TG: hey TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little TT: You're referring to your brother's collection? TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever TG: or semi-semi ironic TG: man i dont even know TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up TT: I've seen his websites. TT: I like them. TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that TG: with those dead eyes jesus TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out

Well, not so much hints as flashing neon signs. Dave’s gone very quickly from insisting that everything his brother does is cool and Lil Cal is awesome, to admitting that he has nightmares about Lil Cal and is freaked out by his brother’s ‘semi-ironic puppet thing’. We don’t know much about Bro’s websites yet, but we do know that Rose has a morbid streak, and Dave is clearly disturbed by the content.

Dave leaves to find his brother’s copy of the game, and we return to John, who, to quote Rose, has ‘just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.’

And yes, that is indeed John’s dead Nanna, returned to help him on his journey through The Medium and beyond -- or at least, she claims she is. John has to take her word for it, as he doesn’t remember her at all. According to his Dad, John was pretty young when she died. Speaking of his Dad, he’s been kidnapped by the forces invading John’s home.

Nannasprite gives John the background of the game and what’s going on. His house is now in the Medium. This place was created by the game software, but is physically independent of it -- and no, he’s not inside a computer. The Medium floats in the Incipisphere, a place outside the normal flow of time in the kids’ universe. Above the Medium is the realm of Skaia.

According to Nannasprite:

Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I'm afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!

Nannasprite is somewhat like a tutorial assistant for the game -- she helps guide John and provides information, although she’s somewhat cryptic.

We are getting a lot of new words here, but Hussie is defining them pretty well as we go, so I don’t think it merits a point.

At any rate, Skaia is defended by the forces of light, while forces of darkness plot its destruction. These two forces exist in an endless stalemate on a stage at the centre of Skaia until a player with a prototyped Kernelsprite enters the Medium. Then the prototyped Kernelsprite splits, with one Kernel carrying the prototyping information up to a kingdom basked in light, and another Kernel carrying it down to the kingdom of darkness. Each kingdom has four Spires, and when the Kernel reaches one, it propagates the prototyping information to the kingdom’s forces.

This is why the imps were dressed as jesters: John prototyped his Kernel with the harlequin doll, and whatever the other players prototype with will influence what forms the soldiers take. When the first Kernels reach the spires, the battlefield gets bigger and the war begins for real.

Oh, right -- and the forces of light are always destined to lose.

So what’s the point? Apparently, that’s for John to find out. For now, though, he needs to head towards Skaia, going through the first of seven Gates. The first Gate is situated directly above John’s house, but the others are going to be harder to reach. We now find out what all that Build Grist is for: To get to the Gate, they need to build the house higher to reach it. And then they can rescue John’s Dad, solve the ultimate riddle, and save the Earth from destruction!

...or not.

Nope, according to Nannasprite, Earth is doomed. Done for. Kaput. There is nothing they can do to save it.

John is pretty bummed about this. He isn’t cheered by Nanna’s assurance that he has a much more important purpose than saving the planet, although she fails to elaborate on that point and instead floats off to make cookies.

CHEL: I think here we earn another couple of points.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 2 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 11 Failing the Turing Test - wherein the character has no reactions whatsoever While the emotional lives of characters should not be described in their every tiny wrinkle, characters must have emotional lives. When someone boos them off a stage, they should experience chagrin. When they fall from a tenth-storey window, they should feel alarm. The writer should not count on dialogue like “Yikes!” to get the point across.

Brief confusion and feeling “bummed out” by the news that one’s entire planet is doomed does not count as an adequate reaction. I’d expect more fear, more concern. As pointed out before, doesn’t John have any friends other than Dave, Rose, and GG? His Dad has friends, wouldn’t he be concerned for them on Dad’s behalf? If nothing else, more curiosity about this “more important” business?

BRIGHT: Now, I could actually buy this in some circumstances — John is a teenager, doesn’t seem to have close connections outside those we see on screen, and he’s been having one hell of a weird day. I wouldn’t be surprised if grasping the scope of destruction was simply beyond him at this point. It’s a lot to take in, and it’s only been a few hours since life went to hell in a handbasket — not to mention, he’s in an active combat zone. There’s a lot going on, and if he was to shove it out of his mind while he dealt with the immediate crisis, I could see that as pretty realistic.

Of course, that would depend on him actually reacting at some later point, when he had a chance to slow down and it could sink in. As it stands...well, if that does happen, we never see it.

CHEL: Does this also count as “Oh, Don’t Mind Him” for the How Not To score?

BRIGHT: I think so, yes.

CHEL: Then here it goes!

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 12 Oh, Don’t Mind Him - where a character’s problems remain unexplored In real life, people are riddled with chronic problems that are not addressed for long periods of time, if ever. But in fiction, all problems are just the opening chords of a song. If there is a brother who has a problem with alcohol, a child who has lost her dog, or even someone whose car has simply broken down, the reader will worry about those people and expect the author to do something about it.

Technically, this could count for seven billion or so points, minus any people who successfully entered their own game sessions, but we don’t want to get out of hand here and it really only counts as one big problem.

However! I am very fond of this idea in theory. The obvious option would be that the purpose of the game is to save the player’s homeworld. We’ve all seen the “save the homeworld” idea in scifi and fantasy before. Here, the homeworld is beyond saving, but there is another option, and exploring that is the storyline. The forces of light cannot have a traditional victory; the protagonists must find a victory on the terms they have. It’s not a theme one sees often, and I like it.

FAILURE ARTIST: John and the other Beta Kids’ lack of angst of the destruction of their planet doesn’t stick out as much here as it will later when almost everything else is milked for angst.

CHEL: I’m not really sure the planet being destroyed is a great basis for a Rule-of-Funny-based story if that was what he was going for, to be honest. “Billions died, lol!”

[thesoftsoobin]

➳ part: 3/?

➳ pairing: taehyung x yoongi

➳ genre: angst (with a happy ending), hanahaki au

➳ warnings: mention of death, non-kinky choking

➳ word count: 8.2k

Read on AO3 or below the cut.  

yoongi was letting sunflowers overtake his lungs, and taehyung had a hard enough time watching him slowly die instead of telling hoseok his true feelings. but taehyung’s own crush was getting the best of him, and life managed to complicate itself even further when he began coughing up flowers, too. and not just any flowers, either. they had to be cherry blossoms, yoongi’s favorite.

“Oh my god,” Taehyung gasped. Jeongguk unlocked the door, and the dorm swirled around Taehyung as he stumbled in after him. With his hands on his frozen cheeks, he squeezed his eyes shut and repeated, “Oh my god.”

He felt numb, partially from the cold air they just spent fifteen minutes running in, but mostly from the panic stabbing its way through him. His chest was tightening by the second, and the flowers weren’t helping any.

“Hey,” Jeongguk turned to face him, placing a hand on his arm and giving it a squeeze through his winter coat. But all Taehyung could focus on was the gym bag hanging off of Jeongguk’s shoulder. “It’s okay. We did a good thing, right? It’ll help him.”

Taehyung nodded and looked away from him, down at his own gloved hands. He tried to hold them still, but they wouldn’t stop shaking.

“Uh…Gguk?” Jimin asked. Jeongguk spun around and immediately turned sheepish.

Jeongguk and Jimin had pushed both of their beds together to make one full-sized bed, fairy lights strung around the headboard, and Jimin was sitting with his legs crossed in the middle of it. He sat up straight as soon as they burst in and was watching them closely.

“I thought you went to the dance studio on Wednesdays.”

“I do,” Jimin said. “But I had to study for the math final. It’s tomorrow, remember?”

The words of Jeongguk’s response blended together, and Taehyung’s heart was still hammering in his chest. He used the opportunity to try to even his breathing while the attention was off of him, tapping his fingers on his thigh and counting back from 20.

Everything was fine, they didn’t get caught, and he was going to help Yoongi live longer.

“Seriously, what’s going on?” he thought he heard Jimin whisper, and he opened his eyes. Jimin was tiptoeing over to them, his concerned eyes set on Taehyung before they flitted back to Jeongguk. “You stole the oxygen tank, didn’t you?”

Taehyung’s heart rate picked back up. It was that obvious?  

“No, of course not,” Jeongguk said.

“So, if I looked in that gym bag, I wouldn’t find an oxygen tank?”

“Okay, fine. Listen, babe,” Jeongguk said, and Jimin lifted his eyebrows, “you guys said doing the surgery would be a bad idea, which, you know, fair. But Tae said he was down for this, so,” he slipped his hands into his coat pockets and shrugged, “yeah, there’s a stolen oxygen tank in my bag, along with a regulator and a few cannulas.”

“Jeon Jeongguk,” Jimin said, reaching behind Taehyung to slam the door shut. The sound made Taehyung jump, and he sucked in another breath and covered his face with his hands again as if breathing into his gloves would make it easier. “You might want to stop talking so loud.”

“Park Jimin,” Jeongguk said. “You said it first.”

Their voices still sounded like faint echoes, and Jimin’s arm wrapping around Taehyung’s shoulders only made him startle again.

“I whispered it,” he said. “Also, you’re an idiot. Tae, everything’s okay. Alright? You’re safe.”

Taehyung nodded into his hands, but the panic was disrupting the cherry blossoms in his lungs, and he had to lift his head to start coughing. At the very least, the room was beginning to stop swirling as he alternated between the gasps of a panic attack and the coughs of yet another episode of his disease.

“I’ll get him water,” Jeongguk said, dropping the gym bag onto the bed before slipping out into the hallway. Jimin led Taehyung to sit down at his desk chair and gave him a garbage can to start spitting blood-stained pink petals into.

“Were you really down for it?” Jimin asked. “Or did he talk you into it like he usually does?”

“It was—” Taehyung cleared his throat, coughing once more and producing three more petals. He shook his head. “I wa-wanted to do it. I had the idea before he even brought it up.”

He sighed, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He was starting to sweat through his jacket, but he hardly had the time to talk before he started coughing again, let alone unzip and shrug off his winter coat.

“I just didn’t—I’ve never done anything like that.”

“Did an alarm go off or anything?” Taehyung shook his head. “Try not to worry, then. Everything you got can’t cost more than thirty thousand won.”

“Mm,” Taehyung mumbled with his head in the trash can. “I guess.”

He felt Jimin poke him in his shoulder, “And at least invite me next time, especially if the next step is grand theft auto.”

Taehyung lifted his head to see Jimin giving him a playful grin, the one he always used to try to make Taehyung laugh. And he tried to laugh, he really did, but it ended up sounding more like another sigh.

“I just want Yoongi—” More coughs, more petals. “I want him to be okay. Why doesn’t he get to be happy? Why don’t I—”    

And he was cut off yet again by the floral arrangement in his lungs. There was the click of the door opening and closing and Jeongguk tossed a water bottle over to Jimin, who placed it delicately on the desk beside Taehyung.

“Have you thought any more about telling him?” Jimin asked, and Taehyung couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

He understood now why Yoongi got so annoyed with him. It really was pointless to let yourself get rejected when you knew that’s what the outcome would be, and having others try to get your hopes up about it only made it worse.

Maybe resigning himself to death without doing anything about it seemed stupid or pessimistic from the outside, but if that was the only possible end to all of this, why would he even bother?

He let himself be sent into another fit of coughs, rough and tortured enough to hopefully make Jimin forget his question.

Once his lungs finally stopped seizing some 20 minutes later, he uncapped the water bottle and let the cold water burn the back of its throat on its way down. It was best he got back to his dorm before, well, before the whole theft was rendered pointless.

The thought made him choke again, and another flower petal found its way into his lap. He tried to stand but found himself falling right into Jimin, who hadn’t left his side. Jimin gripped his shoulders tightly as he staggered backward.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and Taehyung nodded with his eyes closed. Even so, he felt Jimin’s worried gaze on him. “You should stay a while and relax. We could catch up on One Piece since we’re like five seasons behind.”

“No, I…I should get going,” Taehyung opened his eyes and tried to stand up straight. “Yoongi’s been really depressed since everything with Hoseok. I don’t want to leave him much longer.”

Jimin watched him for another moment before letting out a sigh. “I’ll walk you, then.”

He bundled up in his bomber jacket and sat beside Jeongguk on their bed to pull his boots on, and Jeongguk leaned back on his hands to frown at Taehyung. “If anything happens, I’ll take the blame. We don’t want you dying in prison.”

He let out an ‘oof’ as Jimin smacked him in the chest with the back of his hand, but Taehyung cracked a small smile. “Thanks, Gguk,” he said, holding out his palm. Jeongguk glanced at it and up at Taehyung before, for the first time in a year, they did their secret handshake.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way back,” Jimin pulled the gym bag up on his shoulder and gave Jeongguk a quick kiss on the cheek. Jeongguk leaned into it and looked up at Jimin with a soft fondness that Taehyung couldn’t help but feel bitter about. Even with his feelings for Jimin gone forever, his longing for love remained, and it was a wish that was going to die with him. “Be ready to be quizzed on statistics formulas.”

“Aye aye,” Jeongguk saluted playfully, but even he had worry in his eyes as he watched them leave.

The walk to Taehyung and Yoongi’s dorm was quiet, save for Taehyung clearing his throat every so often. It was perpetually sore at this point, but he mostly did it as an awkward way of filling the silence.

As he leaned against Jimin, arm hooked in his, he knew Jimin wanted to press the matter further. Tell Yoongi, he could hear him thinking. You never know what could happen.

But he didn’t say a word until they stopped outside of the dorm and he passed the bag to Taehyung, who bowed under its weight. Jimin brought his hands up to warm Taehyung’s cheeks, his own cheeks flushed under his fluffy white hat, and Taehyung looked down at his feet.

“You’re my best friend, Tae,” he said, and everything Taehyung knew he was thinking was behind those five words. Do something. Don’t make me miss you, was among them most of all.

The light was on when Taehyung unlocked the door to his dorm, and Yoongi was surprisingly awake. He sat up in his bed with a comic book in his lap, and his tired eyes followed Taehyung as he shook his boots off in the doorway.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked, voice hoarse. It was dark out, and the twenty minutes Taehyung was coughing up flowers may have been more like 45, now that he’s looking at the clock.

“Art studio,” he lied. “My portrait for painting and drawing is due Friday.”

He didn’t know why he said it. He was about to pull out the very oxygen tank he and Jeongguk stole and present it to Yoongi like a gift, anyway. But he looked at Yoongi, at his pale skin and dark circles, at his thin frame beneath the sheets, and he wondered if maybe he could pass it off as something they got by more honest means. He didn’t want to stress him out any more than he already was.

“Did, um,” he started, setting the bag down gently on his bed. His entire body, still weak from before, sighed in relief once the weight was lifted. “Has Hobi talked to you yet?”

“Not since I told him,” Yoongi said, and he groaned a bit as he shifted in his bed. “Joonie said Hoseok thinks if he keeps his distance, I have more of a chance of getting better.”

“Is he right?”

“Does it look like it?”

In the past couple of weeks, Yoongi had only gotten worse. He’d longed for Hoseok to break the distance and talk to him again, the sudden radio silence from his best friend keeping him awake at night. He choked up whole sunflower after whole sunflower into the trash, and his throat was too raw to eat much more than beef broth. Some days, it was a wonder how he was still alive.

Taehyung averted his eyes, and Yoongi quickly changed the subject.

“Since when do you go to the gym, Taehyungie?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s,” Taehyung glanced at the bag on the bed behind him, “it’s Jeongguk’s. He let me borrow it.”

“You’re only starting to make sense,” Yoongi said, a small playful grin on his face despite his condition, despite the entire situation at large.

Taehyung met his expectant gaze and was out of time to come up with a lie. The question about Hoseok was a way to gauge Yoongi’s mood and to see how he might react to more stress, but the difference in the way he responded to that and the way he was teasing Taehyung now only made it harder for Taehyung to think. He had no clue where else he could have gotten an oxygen tank without going to the doctor.

So, he stammered, “I got you something,” and turned around to unzip the bag. The zipper snagged, and he let out a heavy sigh, tapping his foot on the tile floor. It was stupid to break the law to get this, especially when he had no clue how to use it. Yoongi was going to think he was so stupid.

“You…got me something?”  

When Taehyung faced Yoongi again, he was sitting up at the edge of his bed and leaning forward to look. “It’s, ah, well,” Taehyung rung his hands and decided to just bite the bullet. Maybe Yoongi wouldn’t ask how he got it. He slid the tank from the bag and set it at his feet. “Since you refuse to go to the doctor.”

He had to physically force himself to look at Yoongi, and when he did, Yoongi was giving the oxygen tank a once-over with that playful grin still on his face.

“Did you steal this?”

Taehyung opened his mouth to deny it but was rendered absolutely speechless. “Wh—Why would you—”

“First of all, I know you, Taehyungie. Better than you think,” Yoongi said, and Taehyung shut his mouth. He did? “Every time we finish arguing about the doctor, you have this look on your face like you’re determined to find alternatives.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean—”

“Second, I know Jeongguk,” he said. “And he tweeted ‘007 time baby, do do dodo, do do dodo,’ two hours ago. I’m just connecting the dots.”

Taehyung blinked. He should have known Jeongguk would tweet that, with the way he was singing it the entire walk to the nursing building.

“I know it was stupid, but—“ he started, just so he could say it before Yoongi.

Yoongi cut him off, though, voice still light and teasing. “You know you can buy them on Amazon, right? For like 50 thousand won.”

“What?”

“They ship empty, but if Jeongguk is friends with those nursing majors, they’d probably find a way to fill it for him.”

“Okay Detective Min,” Taehyung started to relax. Yoongi wasn’t mad or stressed; he was more resigned if anything, as if this wasn’t actually happening and was one big joke. Taehyung would have liked it to be, so he played along. “If you’re so smart, help me connect the dots on how this thing works.”

“Suddenly the sunflowers have eaten my brain matter,” Yoongi gave a wide, gummy smile this time. He fell backwards into his bed with his legs still hanging off the edge, and he let out a groan that was somewhere in between real and exaggerated.

Taehyung watched the way Yoongi’s shirt rode up and revealed just an inch of his torso, but Yoongi pulled his hand away from his face too quickly. Panicked, Taehyung took the regulator and a cannula from the bag and knelt on the ground beside the oxygen tank.

He did all he knew to do, pulling up YouTube and searching ‘how to use an oxygen tank.’ Somewhere within the course of the 6-minute video, Yoongi ended up on the floor too, hunched over with his chin in his palm, watching Taehyung try to figure it out.

“So, he says this goes--” Taehyung mumbled, sliding the regulator onto the tank. “Wait.” He leaned back over his phone and restarted the video, biting down on his bottom lip and trying to put all his focus into what he was doing and not on the way Yoongi was watching him.

“At this rate,” Yoongi said, shifting his chin into his other hand, “I’m going to die before you get it set up.”

“Don’t say that,” Taehyung breathed out, but Yoongi was laughing at him. “You know random facts about everything. Don’t you know anything about this?”

“Oh, I do,” Yoongi said. “It’s just fun watching you try to figure it out.”

Taehyung cleared his throat, his cheeks burning, and he forced a grin as he shook his head. Yoongi did end up helping him eventually, once he spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to unscrew the tank’s valve. But he mostly did it himself, and as he took the nasal cannula out of its packaging, he made a hasty decision to keep doing it all for Yoongi.

He hooked the tubing up to the tank and fumbled with it, turning it over in his hands. And there, on the tile floor of their tiny dorm room, he scooted over and reached out to put it on Yoongi.

“Ah, so if it’s--um, if it’s anything like the dramas…” he said, pulling his arms back for just a second. “I think it just…”

Yoongi’s shoulders sagged, and he let out an awkward chuckle.  “I can--I mean, you don’t have to--”

He put a light hand on Taehyung’s arm but immediately went still as Taehyung pressed the cannula into his nose. Taehyung brushed his hands over Yoongi’s cheeks and hooked the tubing over his ears, holding his breath the whole way through.

The thing was, Yoongi wasn’t the touching type. He and Taehyung had never hugged or even been this close to each other in the year and a half that they’d known each other. With each second that passed, he fully expected Yoongi to push away and finish putting it on himself.

But he didn’t. He let Taehyung touch him, and for the briefest of moments, Taehyung thought he saw a glimmer of what wasn’t there. They looked at eachother, Yoongi’s eyes heavy-lidded with exhaustion and Taehyung’s hands still on either side of his face, and he thought he saw a glimmer of hope.

But as soon as it was there, it was gone. So fast that Taehyung knew it was his own illness clouding his vision.

He pulled his hands back and jumped up before he could give himself away. He could practically feel the flowers growing in his lungs, his chest getting heavy.

“So, that should be good!” He said, his voice a pitch higher than it should be. “I hope it’s okay. The guy in the video said too much oxygen could be really bad, so I set it on one of the lower flow rates. But, uh, I don’t know. You really should see a doc—“

“It’s fine, Tae,” Yoongi said, gazing up at him from the floor. Even now, with the cannula draping his face and the sickness taking over every inch of his body, he looked so handsome. So cool, like the first day they met. “If I have to die, it’d be kind of cool to die at the hands of the thing meant to keep me alive.”

“Would you stop talking like that?” Taehyung whined. Yoongi held out his hand for him to help him up, and although he winced the entire time it took him to stand, he still chuckled.

“I’m just joking.”

“Well, it’s not funny.”

Yoongi’s smile fell and what looked like confusion overcame his features. He started to pout, and they met eyes, his searching Taehyung’s for some reason. Taehyung could feel him getting ready to ask why it upset him so damn much, and he instantly thought of what Jimin said.

He could easily lean in and kiss Yoongi right then, explain all of the times he had seemingly overreacted or cared far too much. He could take his chances before it was too late, and see if the odds of Yoongi reciprocating before he inevitably died were in his favor.

He just had to work up the nerve.

Before he could make any decision at all, though, Yoongi’s features softened. He shifted his weight and cleared his throat, wincing again. “Agh, sorry,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. “Hey, um...you don’t usually go home for winter break, do you?”

Taehyung snapped himself back to reality. “No,” he said. His family had stopped celebrating Christmas after his grandma died, and his parents started taking a long vacation during the holidays when he went to college. “No, I stay here. It’s kind of nice.”

Yoongi glanced down at the oxygen tank and then back up at Taehyung, taking a deep breath. It sent him into another fit of coughs before he could speak again.

“Would you, ah,” he started, voice rough now, “would you mind coming home with me? To Daegu?”

“Oh,” Taehyung let out involuntarily, taking a step back. He was so distracted by his thoughts, he didn’t even consider where Yoongi was going with that.

“It’s just that, well,” Yoongi sighed before he began to stammer, “I have to tell my parents, and it’s stressing me out. Joonie usually stays here too, but he’s going home with Seokjin this year, since they’re apparently dating now. And I’m not even sure I can make it to the train station by myself, if I’m being honest.”

“They’re dating?” Taehyung asked. He could have seen that outcome to Namjoon and Jin’s 7-year-long friendship from a mile away. When he first met them, he thought they were already dating. The question was only to give him more time to process Yoongi’s request.

Jimin asked him to come home with him for Christmas a few days ago, just like he did last year. And just like last year, Taehyung insisted that he’d be fine on campus by himself. He didn’t want to impose, and he needed time alone to process everything that was happening.

But this was...this was Yoongi. And the last time he declined the offer from the person he was growing flowers for, Jimin came back to their dorm with the news that he had a crush on Jeongguk. That they spent the entirety of winter break texting and he thought Jeongguk might have been flirting with him and Wasn’t he just so cute, Taehyungie? He shouldn’t make that mistake again, no matter how slim his chances are.

“Yeah. Namjoon coughed up like two daisy petals before Jin hyung found out and kissed him or whatever,” Yoongi said, and he laughed humorlessly to himself. “I guess I’m the one who drew the short straw in this friend group.”

His weak smile fell again, quickly, before Taehyung could even say anything.

“Well, I guess you did too...with Jimin and everything,” Yoongi shifted again. He plopped down onto his bed and shook his head. “You have a second chance though, you know? A guy in your one of your art classes or something. I’m happy that you get that at least.”

“Hyung…” Taehyung started. This was his opening, as clear as day, to just say it and see what happened. It couldn’t be any worse than what was bound to happen anyway.

Hyung, you are my second chance.

But he couldn’t get himself to speak, not before Yoongi continued, and the opening that was there disappeared in an instant.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Yoongi said. “I know. I’m being depressing again. Uh...so, will you? Come to Daegu with me?”

Taehyung took a breath, shaking the possibilities out of his mind, and he felt the petals of another cherry blossom creeping their way up his throat.

His own interests aside, this was the only time throughout this whole thing that Yoongi had asked anything of him. He’d been so stubborn, so himself, and now here he was stumbling over his words, asking Taehyung for the support he’d already been trying to give him. So what was he supposed to do, say no?

“Of course, Yoongi hyung,” Taehyung choked out. There was a petal in his mouth now, accompanied by the metallic taste of blood, and he bit down and tried to swallow it back down. “Anything you need. Of course I will.”

“Thanks, Taehyung-ah.”

Taehyung gave a curt nod and side-stepped toward the door. His chest was getting more and more congested, and if he waited any longer, he’d cough a flower up onto Yoongi’s feet.

“I have to pee,” he said. “I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back.”

-

For the rest of finals week, Yoongi continued to crack jokes from his bed, some hilarious but most of them tasteless, while Taehyung studied or worked on projects. Despite being too out of it to take any of his own exams, Yoongi kept a brave face.

The vulnerability that made itself known on his face when asking about Daegu didn’t show up again until the day they were supposed to leave.

Yoongi tapped his foot on their dorm floor, his suitcase and oxygen tank on either side of him. “I have to sit down,” he said, taking a few steps to fall onto his mattress. His breathing was loud and heavy as the oxygen flowed through the cannula.

He spent all of his limited energy on making his bed, protesting every time Taehyung offered to do it for him, and spent a whole twenty minutes straightening his comforter. Now that the guys were on their way over, he could barely stand.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s--I’m fine,” Yoongi waved him off, but he was struggling to catch his breath. “Everyone is--” he swallowed, before letting out a few dry coughs. “Everyone is still coming over?”

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t tell them I’m practically on my deathbed, right? Namjoonie is the only one who knows?”

Taehyung hesitated. “Yes, but hyung, I think it’s pretty obvio--”

“This is going to be like any other goodbye before break, okay?” Yoongi said, voice rising. It was still quiet, his throat too destroyed to even speak normally, but he was getting as loud as he could. “I’m not attending my own fucking funeral, Tae.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung nodded and pulled out his phone. “I said, and I quote. ‘Me and Yoongi hyung are leaving for Daegu soon, please come by the dorm if you can! We want to see all your pretty faces before break.’ And everyone said they’d be on their way soon like a half hour ago.”

Well, everyone except Hoseok. But Taehyung wasn’t going to say it unless Yoongi asked.

While he had his phone out, Taehyung opened up his group chat with Jeongguk and Jimin.

From: Taehyung

In: two soulmates and their child

Sent: 14:34, Dec. 13

please please please please act like you don’t know Yoongi hyung is dying please I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone

He never got a reply, and a light tapping on their dorm door less than a minute later told him exactly why. His eyes fluttered closed as he pulled it open. Great. He was going to upset Yoongi even more.

“Hyung-ah!” Jimin’s voice rang through their room as he bounced inside, Jeongguk trailing in after him.

“Jiminie,” Yoongi pressed his lips into a smile, and Taehyung could tell he was trying not to wince. “How did your finals go?”

“Good, good,” Jimin said. “I think I failed statistics, but that’s for future Jimin to worry about. Did your Ethics exam go okay?”

Jimin sat down beside Yoongi, and when he and Taehyung met eyes, Taehyung was able to let out a breath of relief. He read his text after all.

“I, uh, I think I failed that too,” Yoongi lied, chuckling lowly. “But who needs ethics? Everyone knows anarchy would be superior.”  

“That’s a debate we’ll save for another time, hyung,” Jimin patted Yoongi’s leg, and damn, he was good at this. He paid no mind to the oxygen tank on the floor or the tubing snaking its way up and around Yoongi’s face. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t there.

Jeongguk, however, was the complete opposite. He pushed his long hair out of his face to reveal bloodshot eyes, hopefully only to Taehyung. His gaze kept flitting to the oxygen tank he stole, and he wasn’t saying a word.

“Gguk,” Taehyung said, and it only served to startle him.

“Huh?”

“Did Namjoon hyung tell you if they were--”

Another knock at their door cut him off before he could finish his question, this one heavy and rhythmic. Taehyung opened it again, hoping Hoseok was accompanying them, but it was just Jin and Namjoon in their winter coats.

Yoongi seemed to have been thinking the same thing, face brightening at the knocking only to darken when he counted two instead of three.

“Is Hobi coming?” he asked, which to be fair, would have been a normal question a few months ago.

“He, uh,” Namjoon was in the middle of taking his coat off, and he looked to Seokjin for help, eyes wide.

“He had to say goodbye to...someone else first,” Jin supplied, and Taehyung could see him squeeze Namjoon’s arm from behind. “But he should be here soon.”

The hush that fell over the room was proof enough that everyone knew what Yoongi desperately didn’t want them to, and they knew enough to guess what it all meant. Hoseok had stopped growing cherry blossoms, while sunflowers continued to take over Yoongi’s lungs.

Namjoon took his phone out and sent a text, hopefully to Hoseok.

“I can’t believe you got Taehyung-ah to come home with you for Christmas!” Jimin was the first to break the silence. “He always tells me he’d rather stay here. Alone. Instead of coming with me. It’s so annoying.”

Yoongi shook off whatever thoughts he had running through his head, and he looked at Taehyung. His expression turned foolish, the way it had been all week every time he’d tease him.

“Yeah, I had to practically beg him,” he said. “He’s so stubborn.”

“What are you talking about?” Taehyung whined. “I said yes right away.”

“Oh,” Jimin leaned back, mocking disdain. “So you’ll say yes right away to him but not me, your platonic soulmate? Okay.”

“I thought I was your platonic soulmate,” Yoongi said, despite Jimin never having said that to him in his life.

“You know what, Yoongi?” Jimin said. “At this point, you just might be.”

“As long as the word platonic is in front of it, I’m cool with whoever,” Jeongguk added despite the frown he was still wearing.

“You guys are so mean.”

Everything started to fall back into normalcy, or at least as normal as it could get with everyone but Hoseok there and the hint of death lingering over them like a shadow.

Jin ended up beside Yoongi, telling him about some American recipe he found on Naver the day before, and how Yoongi will ‘have to help him make it when they get back from break.’ Meanwhile, Namjoon was showing Taehyung photos from a Surrealist art exhibit he went to for his Humanities class and expressively telling him the stories behind each painting and its artist.

Every so often, Yoongi would butt in to say Namjoon was ruining the post-finals vibe with his academic art history talk, which made it easier for Taehyung to focus on Namjoon’s words. If Yoongi was still teasing, that meant he wasn’t folding into himself, and Taehyung didn’t have to keep checking on him.

Jeongguk had his face buried in Jimin’s shoulder, leaning forward so much that they both wavered and stumbled around. Taehyung could hear him sniffling and mumbling sad words, but every third sentence, he’d lift his head and kiss Jimin’s neck or jaw. Jimin was rubbing Jeongguk’s back under his shirt, and to the untrained eye, it would appear to be the same type of PDA they always did when Jeongguk was stressed about grades or petty family drama.

It was normal. As normal as it could be. Until there was another knock at the door.

Hoseok was flushed, with swollen cherry-red lips and a fleece headband over his ears. Yoongi instantly brightened upon seeing him, as though all of his energy was replenished by the mere sight, and Taehyung realized he didn’t stand a chance.

“Sorry I’m so late,” he said, pulling his headband off as he took a step through the door. He managed to look everywhere but Yoongi, from Jimin and Jeongguk’s connected bodies, to Namjoon’s phone, to Taehyung’s heavily rising and falling chest.

“You’re here!” Jimin exclaimed, still playing the nothing-is-wrong part well. He was now hanging off of Jeongguk, who kept his hair in his face and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

But the greeting came a moment too late, just as Hoseok let himself look at Yoongi. He took everything in, seeing what Taehyung saw every day for the first time, and it was like something shattered in him. All brightness left him upon seeing the oxygen tank and Yoongi’s frail body slumped over.

“Hobi,” Yoongi whispered, starting to cough, “I’m--Thanks for--”

“You told me you thought he was getting better,” Hoseok broke his distraught gaze to snap at Namjoon. The thin cloak of normalcy was now gone. “What the hell, Joon-ah? He’s fucking dying.”

“I’m right here,” Yoongi bit out. “I told him to say that. I didn’t want you to--I didn’t want you to w--”

His coughing became more violent, and Hoseok took a step back. As Hoseok’s eyes filled with tears, Yoongi spit out three yellow petals onto his bedspread.

“I-I can’t,” Hoseok took another step back, widened eyes set on the petals. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

The coughs turned into choking, and Hoseok escaped out the door. With four boys rushing to help Yoongi, Taehyung took after him. He was quick, nearly out of Taehyung’s sight already, and it wasn’t until they reached the stairwell that Taehyung caught up to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked. Their footsteps echoed over the walls as he took two steps at a time to keep up.

“My best friend is dying because of me, Taehyung,” Hoseok finally stopped when they reached the ground floor. “I can’t just watch that happen and pretend like it’s not my fault, or-or like it’s not happening. He’s dying because of me.”

“So you’re just going to leave?” he asked. “You’re just going to keep avoiding him like a coward? Like you’ve been doing for the last week and a half, and let him die without doing anything?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Hoseok asked. “If I could force myself to see him that way, I would. He’s like a brother to me, and I’d do anything for him, but there’s nothing I can do to stop any of this. I can’t handle it.”

A group of girls came cascading down the stairs, talking loudly amongst themselves in their peacoats and earmuffs. Taehyung was getting so frustrated that he hardly noticed the odd looks they gave him as he side-stepped out of their way.

“So you pretend,” Taehyung desperately spat out. “The disease thrives off of your perception. If he thought you loved him like that, it would at least slow the growth, wouldn’t it? You have to do something.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Taehyung, and you know it.”

“You could at least try.”

“I can’t lie to him, and as soon as he realized the flowers weren’t clearing up, he’d know it wasn’t real.” Everything he said made sense, but Taehyung couldn’t help but see it as one excuse after the other. “It would just hurt him more. And besides, I...I’m dating Jackson now.”

Taehyung clenched his fists, and red hot anger started swelling in his gut. His head was spinning.

He had a million feelings: anger toward Hoseok, love for Yoongi, worry for Yoongi, and fear for his own life. Usually, they all swirled around inside of him and he couldn’t pick one out to focus on if he tried.

But now, he threw himself into his anger. It was the one thing that his love and worry and fear came together to be, so he raised his voice and used it as a catharsis.  

“Jackson? Like Jackson Wang?” he asked. “So you’ve been right across the hall this whole time? All week? While he was dying behind our door and waiting for you to text him back.”

Hoseok pulled his head back, eyebrows coming together.

“He could have heard you! He probably did!” The back of Taehyung’s throat began to tickle, but he went on, unable to stop himself. “No wonder he’s been getting so much worse. You care more about getting laid than doing anything to help him.”

“Wh--no, Taehyung. No, I wouldn’t do that.”

Taehyung crossed his arms and his breathing started to get heavier as he seethed. “Well, I wouldn’t put it past you at this point.”

“What the hell is your problem?” Hoseok asked. “I know you and him are close, but I’m your friend too, and you’re doing nothing but make me feel worse for something completely out of my control.”

Hoseok’s question and the flower petals coming up Taehyung’s throat brought him back down to Earth. He covered his mouth with his arm and tried to hold back, but he started coughing before he got the chance to give Hoseok an excuse for his outburst. And while he turned away from Hobi, so many petals spilled into his hands that he couldn’t possibly hide them.

“Wait,” Hoseok said with caution while Taehyung gagged. “Tae, do you…”

Taehyung shook his head and pushed past him into the dorm lobby to find a trash can. Multiple petals fell out of his cupped hands and onto the carpet behind him, and Hoseok trailed after him.

If he could breathe, he’d be panicking about someone that wasn’t Jimin or Jeongguk knowing about this. But all he could focus on was getting all of the petals out of his lungs before he fainted.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on how he looked at it, he’d already spit up flowers just a few hours earlier. Most of what he had left in him came up in the first few coughs, and he was standing up straight with a clear esophagus in mere minutes.

“Taehyung-ah, were those cherry blossoms?” Hoseok asked. When Taehyung didn’t answer, trying to catch his breath with his eyes squeezed shut, Hoseok reworded his question. “Taehyung-ah, are you...are you in love with Yoongi hyung?”

Taehyung opened his eyes, a blush surely dusting his cheeks and his stomach turning. His secret was exposed, and it was going to be passed along to Namjoon and Seokjin, and eventually to Yoongi himself. He felt like he may actually throw up.

“Just leave it, hyung,” his voice cracked as he muttered. He tried to push past Hoseok again to get back to the stairwell, but he stumbled and Hoseok grabbed his arm. Against his wishes, Taehyung’s eyes welled up with tears.

“Tae, I’m really sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Taehyung said. He pulled his arm from Hoseok’s grip, but lost his balance again and Hoseok placed his hands on either of Taehyung’s shoulders to steady him. “You can’t do anything to stop any of this, remember? So just go invite Jackson to your apartment or whatever you’ve been doing.”

He finally successfully removed himself and took sweeping steps toward the stairs, but Hoseok stayed on his tail.

“I stopped talking to Yoongi because I thought it was the only way to fix it,” Hoseok said. “I thought not seeing me or hearing from me would, I don’t know, help him get over me.”

Taehyung’s feet dragged with each step he took, throat burning from the strain of coughing up petals and holding back his tears, and he squeezed his hand around the railing to start climbing the stairs.

“Ghosting my best friend was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You have to understand.”

Taehyung sighed, stopping with one foot on the first step. He needed someone to blame, but he knew, even still, that none of this was really Hoseok’s fault. That if put in the same position, he’d probably do the same.

So he turned halfway to face him and said, “So talk to him.”

When they returned to the dorm after Hoseok’s reluctant agreement, the pre-break farewell had turned into exactly what Yoongi didn’t want it to be. The room was overwhelmed with a depressing aroma cocktail of pungent blood, sweet sunflowers, and the stale heat coming from their radiator, and Yoongi lay in his bed with everyone surrounding him.

Jin was propping up his head with another pillow, while Namjoon held his hand and begged him in a high-pitched whisper to make it back for spring semester so that they could write that song they always talked about.

“No shit, Joonie,” Yoongi rasped. “You think I’d die before we wrote the biggest rap song in Korea?”

Jeongguk was completely open with his crying now, and Jimin being the sympathy cryer that he was, was right alongside him. Namjoon forced out a laugh, and his eyes were welling up too.

“Right,” he said. “That was the goal, wasn’t it?”

“You could do it without me, though,” Yoongi said. “I hope--I hope you know that.”

“Don’t say that,” Namjoon said, and tears started to streak his face. “Please.”

Taehyung stayed in the doorway with Hoseok, who watched the whole scene with a faraway expression. He crossed his arms over his chest, shoulders tense, and looked like he was ready to bolt again any second.

“Stop crying,” Yoongi whined at him, then glanced between Jimin and Jeongguk. “All of you. You’ll all be fine...you’ll all be fine.”

“Hyung--” Jeongguk started, but Yoongi cut him off.

“Don’t you all have trains to catch? Have you finished packing?” he asked, clearing his throat. “Hyung will be--I’ll be back, okay? So stop crying unless you want to look--look foolish in January.”

Seokjin frowned and put a hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. “We do need to get going, Joon-ah. My parents are meeting us at the station.”

“Right. Um, right.” Namjoon said, and he gave Yoongi’s hand a squeeze, using his free arm to wipe under his nose. “I’ll see you in January, then?”

“Of course.”

But he, Namjoon, and everyone else knew that wasn’t true.

Seokjin ruffled Yoongi’s hair, and at least he still groaned like always. “Have a good Christmas, Yoongi.”

“Nnnh, yeah, you too.”

On their way out the door, Namjoon took slow steps, and Seokjin stopped in front of Taehyung. “Will you let us know when you guys get to Daegu?”

“Sure,” Taehyung said, but Yoongi groaned again.

“I’ll let you know,” he said. “My fingers still work.”

“Okay, Yoon-ah,” Jin laughed, staring down at his feet. “Have a safe trip, then.”

Jeongguk and Jimin were saying goodbye shortly after, Jimin mumbling something about still having to pack and Jeongguk nodding solemnly in agreement.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk said, pulling an Iron Man comic book from the shelf over Yoongi’s desk. “Can I take this to Busan to read over break?”

“Anything you want, Gguk,” Yoongi said, which only made Jeongguk start sniffling again. He nodded, shoving the book inside his coat to protect it from the snow.

Taehyung didn’t know what he would have done had this been the last time he was going to see Yoongi. There was comfort, at least, in the knowledge that he got him all to himself for a month, and he wouldn’t have to say his goodbyes for a while.

And any thought of how painful that would be was pushed from his mind.

Jimin crawled onto the bed and gave Yoongi the gentlest of hugs, as though worried he might break him. “I love you, hyung-ah.”

Yoongi hesitated. He was never a fan of displays of affection, much less such an open one. But his face softened as he looked at Jimin, and he pulled his lips into a tiny smile.

“Love you too, Jiminie,” he said. “Try not to eat so much at the buffet this year. I don’t need to see another selfie of you and your food baby.”

It made Jimin giggle as he stood back up, blotchy face brightening. “Well, I need more pictures of Holly. So do try to cuddle him as much as last year.”

“I don’t know,” Yoongi’s rough voice teased. “I’ll have Taehyung to cuddle this year.”

Taehyung’s stomach plummeted, and immediately he felt Jimin and Hoseok’s eyes on him. Jimin laughed it off, his eyebrows coming together in some kind of concern that Taehyung could only begin to unravel.

It may have been easier to understand if his brain wasn’t now stuck on the thoughts of spooning Yoongi, their legs intertwined under the thick comforter of his bed that he’d only seen in photos up until this point.

“Photos of Taehyung are good too,” Jimin said.

As he and Jeongguk left, Jimin stopped in front of Taehyung just as Seokjin had. But instead of asking to be informed of when they got to Daegu, he took Taehyung’s face in his hands and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“You’re my best friend,” he repeated his words from the other day.

“I know,” Taehyung said, and again he knew what Jimin was asking of him. He was going to have to tell Yoongi how he felt before break ended. Even though it was so obviously pointless, he’d try to have hope for Jimin’s sake. “You’re my best friend, too.”

And then it was just Yoongi, Taehyung, and Hoseok. Taehyung shut the door before Hoseok could bolt again, and Yoongi did his best to sit up. He seemed to jump at the sight of Hoseok in front of him, too caught up in everyone’s goodbyes to have seen him return.

“Oh,” he said. “You--you came back.”

Hoseok nodded, gesturing to the spot beside Yoongi. “Can I?”

“Sure,” Yoongi said. “I won’t die just from sitting near you.”

“Oh, um,” Hoseok said, and he left a few inches between him and Yoongi when he sat, “I know.”

Yoongi looked at him, watching his expression change from discomfort to grief to a mix of the two, and he looked as though he was fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. He clasped his hands in his lap and broke his gaze to stare down at them.

Taehyung knew that he should leave them alone, but Yoongi could start choking again any second, and he knew Hoseok would panic again. He had to be there, just in case. So he resigned himself to being a fly on the wall, to letting himself see this and get hurt.

“Sorry,” Yoongi sighed. “I think I’m using humor as a coping mechanism, but most of what I say is just stupid. I’ve...I’ve missed you, Hobi.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Hoseok said, mostly to the ground. “You must hate me.”

“Are you kidding?” Yoongi said. “The whole reason this is happening is because I’m in fucking love with you. I love you, Jung Hoseok, and if that’s going to kill me, then so fucking be it.”

Taehyung took a step back and thanked his lucky stars that he just coughed up what was in his lungs.

Hoseok finally met Yoongi’s eyes. “I wish I could--”

“So you don’t love me,” Yoongi said. “I wouldn’t either.”

Taehyung and Hoseok both frowned in time with each other.

“I do love you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Hoseok’s voice broke, and tears spilled from his eyes like a dam suddenly burst.

From that point on, that was all he knew how to say.

“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling Yoongi into a tight hug that looked like it could break him. “I’m so, so sorry.”

[devsash]

Under One Roof - Part 1

(Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6)

Elwynn Forest, Eastern Kingdoms

It was already night when Mehe stepped into the cottage. He held the door open for Anas and his burden. "Where should we put her? The guestroom?"

"Yes." Anas stooped slightly as he passed through the door frame, Sheronda still held carefully in his arms. He led the way to the guestroom before carefully setting his sister down on the bed. "Bring a washcloth and my spare set of robes."

Mehe nodded, heading out for the items requested. When he returned a few minutes later, Sheronda's ruined clothes lay on the floor.

Anas was examining the burns with a grim expression. He looked up as Mehe entered. "I don't know if I should try healing this. It'll only cause her a lot more pain."

"I have a salve." Mehe set the washcloth and basin down before taking the robes he'd hooked over his arm. Folding them neatly, he placed them on the bedside table before stepping to the shelf and pulling down a jar. "Here. This will help."

Anas accepted it with a nod. Mehe assisted him as his mate carefully cleaned the wounds before smearing the salve over them. Sheronda did not stir as they worked. It was quite some time before they were done and finally clothed her in Anas's robes, which were several sizes too big. The priestess looked almost comical in them as they hung loosely over her frame, though her scarred face was exhausted.

"It's a bit drafty in here," Anas murmured, glancing at the window.

"The frame's loose. I'll fix it tomorrow." Mehe tucked the Kaldorei woman carefully in. "You need to go to bed, dear one."

Anas shook his head. "I must stay with her."

"There's nothing more we can do for her tonight. She needs rest." Mehe replaced the lid on the jar, setting it on the floor. "Get some sleep."

The birds were singing as Mehe struck a nail rhythmically with his hammer, driving it through the board. He paused to wipe the sweat from his brow and smiled at the leaves rustling in the breeze, scattering shafts of morning sunlight. The forest was peaceful and calm, so different from the hustle and bustle of Stormwind City. Being out here almost felt like being home again.

A soft groan from within drew Mehe's attention. Setting the hammer down, he stepped inside, making his way to Sheronda's room.

The priestess was still lying down but awake, her swollen eyes open very slightly. She turned her head away from him as though unwilling to pollute her gaze with his presence.

Mehe knelt beside the bed, dipping a ladle into a ready jug of water. He held it to her lips. "Drink up."

She ignored him.

"Anas is at work. He won't be back until evening," Mehe said, keeping his tone neutral. "Now drink up and I'll get you breakfast."

"I'll not accept even a crumb from you, whore," she rasped in a voice like smoke. "Get out of my sight."

"Hmm." Mehe returned the ladle carefully to the jug. "I'll go get your breakfast," he said, rising to his feet and heading to the kitchen.

He picked up a bowl and a spoon before carefully ladling some of the stew he had prepared that morning. It was still hot, its aroma strong and fragrant. He returned to Sheronda's room with the bowl held carefully in his hands. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

She remained silent.

"It's still a little too hot right now anyway." He set the bowl on the bedside table. "Call for me when you want to eat." With that, he stepped back outside to resume his work on the window frame. He had only been working a few minutes before a loud clatter made his ears twitch, followed by a keening cry of panicked despair.

Rushing back inside, he found Sheronda sitting up in the bed. The bowl was overturned on the floor, its contents pooling between the boards. The priestess was staring at the stump where her hand had been, her eyes wide with horror. Another wail tore from her throat, this one more alarming than before as her fingers scrabbled at the burns on her skin.

“Priestess--” Mehe stepped closer, reaching out.

“Get away from me!” she shrieked. “You did this! Your people did this!”

Mehe paused. “They were my people once,” he said softly. “But no more.”

This seemed to shock the priestess out of her terrified fury. She stared at him properly for the first time, noting his unusually pale features as well as the long tendrils wrapped carefully around his arms.

“You’re badly hurt.” Mehe turned away from her brazen scrutiny. His tendrils uncoiled, twitching in discomfort as he took the washcloth still drying in the window and knelt to pick up the bowl. “Anas found you. We brought you here, to our home.”

“Where are we?” she asked, squinting at the window.

Mehe placed the bowl back on the table. “Elwynn Forest,” he said simply as he mopped up the spilled stew on the floor.

“Teldrassil?” There was a quiver in her voice.

Mehe shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

She grabbed at the front of his shirt. Mehe flinched, reflexively summoning his shadowy dagger, but she did not attack him. Instead, she buried her face in his chest, weeping bitterly.

He peered down at her uneasily, the dark blade still in his hand. Allowing it to dissolve, he wondered if he should try to comfort her. He settled for patting her back awkwardly until her sobbing finally ceased. She released him abruptly and turned away, still sniffling.

“I’ll... get you more stew,” he said, taking a step back.

She made no objection as he left and returned a few minutes later with a fresh bowl. Sitting on the bed, he dipped the spoon into the stew and held it up to her lips.

She turned her head away. “Leave me alone,” she snapped.

“Not until you’ve had your breakfast.”

“What do you think you’re trying to accomplish by this, whore?” She glared at him, her silver eyes still tearful. “You think you’re easily forgiven for your depravity? For corrupting my brother and taking him from me?”

Mehe sighed, exasperated. “Look here, priestess. I don’t give a shit if you eat or not, but Anas does. He entrusted you into my care and I’ll be damned if I let him down.”

“Anas betrayed me,” she hissed. “Even after all I did for him. Did you think I’d ever forget?”

“Did you forget you bloody banished him then? How convenient.”

“He needed to be taught a lesson,” she said tersely.

“And what lesson would that be?” Mehe lowered the spoon slightly. “That his own family would abandon him because of who he is? That the person he looks up to the most doesn’t want him to be happy?”

“If he truly loved his family, he’d have come back to the right path.”

Mehe arched an eyebrow. “If he didn’t love you enough to heal you, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.” He placed the spoon back into the bowl. “Do you have any idea how sad he was when you banished him? How bloody close he was to giving up?” He shook his head. “You made your own brother suffer, yet he could still find it in his heart to care about you. That says more about him than it does about you.”

Sheronda was silent, her ears twitching.

Mehe set the bowl on the table before standing. “I need to get back to work. Call out if you need anything.” He turned to leave.

“Was he... really upset?” she asked hoarsely.

He paused, glancing over his shoulder. “Yes,” he said simply.

Her shoulders slumped. She sank back onto the bed, pulling the covers over her head. “Go away. I’m tired,” she said in a muffled voice.

Mehe frowned but held his tongue. He left, closing the door as quietly behind him.

[thegraypope]

Chapter 3 - Short march

Chapter 3

After a few minutes of walking they had passed what Korra named ‘The Safe Zone’. This meant that they had to be careful; After the initial invasion and the Militia repelling the attacks there had been a barrier of strategic walls built and booby traps laid. The most predominant booby trap was the car bomb, a small charge was attached to the battery of the car and then connected to a proximity switch hidden on the body of the car. The next most common trap was pits of spikes built into opened man holes and covered in faeces and waste.

‘Hold on this corner.’ Jammer whispered to Pao, his hand went up and he repeated the order down the radio. Delphi and Kuren were up front and stopped at the corner. Everyone grouped on Delphi and Jammer spoke:

‘I’ll lead the way down here, this area is trapped up to your eyeballs.’

‘Mines?’ Sev muttered with disdain.

‘Sort of, Car bombs, spike pits covered in animal shit, spring loaded Javelin launchers. Pretty much anything we could turn into a weapon we did.’

‘That might prove a problem when it comes time.’ Pao said to everyone except Jammer.

‘when it comes time for what?’

‘I’ll fill you in when we get to our destination.’ He said cryptically.

‘Alright, I’ll have to do my best to concentrate on anything other than that then.’

‘do that.’ He seemed stern, unlike the man he had been up to that point.

‘the key is to stay away from the cars with the black spots sprayed on them, they’re the bombs.’

‘Thanks for the tip, Jammer.’ Sev said, in his heavy colonial accent.

‘Let’s roll out.’ Pao said

They crept slowly through the street, cars placed in the road and paths as a barrier, all of them with black spots.

Pao shouted back to Hammer head ‘Tread light back there, big man.’

‘You calling me fat, you bitch?’ Hammer head replied dryly.

At the end of the street the took a left onto a cleared street with barricades built at the end of alleyways and a heavily damaged spider tank sitting slumped against what used to be a bank, surrounded by alien dead.

‘That was the only Spider the Garrison here had and it went down in the first week of fighting, we have the tracked tanks dug into forward positions acting as close artillery.’ Jammer said to the group, like a tour guide.

‘How did they take it out, the dossier we read said they didn’t send any tanks here or air power for that matter.’ Kuren stared at the tank, inspecting every inch she could see from her distance.

‘They had rockets and suicide vests. It was a fucking mess out here.’ Jammer pointed at an abandoned café with heavy bullet holes in the frontage.

‘you were here when it happened?’ Kuren asked with a renewed respect.

‘Yeah, I was on the roof of that café sniping and covering a mortar squad up there too.’ Jammer replied dryly. ‘They attacked in three positions, this one, one down east a mile and the other west a mile. That’s how we drove the fuckers off.’

‘This is the first world we’ve seen where they’ve misjudged the human populace and been repelled so easily and quickly.’ Pao was enthralled by the tank too, along with everyone except Hammer Head.

‘I assure you it wasn’t easy, I’d have thought that tank would tell you enough.’ Jammer was defensive.

‘I meant no offence, I meant to say that, on other planets the aliens have attacked in overwhelming force. Every world attacked has seen huge battle fleets and equally sized armies deployed. Here though, they sent ten ships and committed all of them to Babel and sent only two thousand soldiers to attack here. They bombed the other city in the north so why not bomb here too, it would save the troops?’ Pao began to ramble.

‘I understand, just understand that a lot of my community died here.’ She was calm, offended but understanding.

They walked past the spider tank and down the road for several minutes until the reached abuilding surrounded by heavily damaged city buses, all peppered with bullet holes and burn marks. Jammer prised open the door on one of the buses and climbed up.

‘Through here, this is the building.’ She crouched slightly as she spoke to the squad on the pavement.

‘hammer Head, make us a hole.’ Pao ordered.

Hammer Head moved to the front of the bus Jammer was on and pushed it backward far enough to make a gap it could walk through.

‘Or you could do that.’ Jammer muttered to herself sarcastically.

She jogged a few yards to catch up with Sev and they walked up to the entrance of the building.

‘Was there much fighting here?’ Kuren asked, he eyes criss-crossing over the building and buses.

‘Not really, it was a night raid attack the day after the Spider tank went down. We had two heavy machine guns on the roofs of the buses, we moved them when we abandoned the tower.’ Jammer pulled out a key and played around with a lock that was underneath a steel guard which had been welded onto the heavy metal door.

‘Why was the tower abandoned?’ Pao asked.

‘We abandoned it so we could better defend the police station and bunker. We have plans to come back and man it full time, build I real fortification around the base.’

The lock opened and made a loud, metallic bang as it hit against the guard. Jammer swung open the door and flicked a switch on her assault rifle, turning on it’s torch. She swept the room with her light and made her way to the front desk. She hoisted herself up and leaned down, flicking a switch.

‘Let there be light.’ She rose up from her half lying position with her arms raised in the air, tube lights flickering to life around her. Everyone had entered the room now, with Pao and Sev locking it behind them from the inside.

Jammer directed them through to a set of stairs moving up the centre of the tower.

‘These are the stairs, there are no booby traps in the building and no settlers.’

‘Sev, you take the Lead, Hammer Head, you think you’ll be able to get up there any faster?’ Pao gave orders and questions in a relatively friendly tone and manner.

‘Aye sir.’ Sev chirped.

‘I would prefer to stay with the group, lieutenant, I don’t think I could make it to the top floor before you, at least not by any significance.’ The robot replied.

‘Fine by me, you take the back.’ Pao Ordered.

After a forty five minute trek to the top floor they arrive.

‘It’s locked.’ Sev called Back to Jammer and Pao.

‘I don’t have a key, just break it down.’ Jammer called back to him.

Sev saw a fire axe and opened the casing it was in. he hit at the hinges and handle of the door several times before the snapped and the door fell into the apartment.

The squad moved in, dust lay thick across every surface and floated in the undisturbed air. As they moved around Kuren and Delphi saw the window and marvelled at the panorama.

‘This is beautiful.’ Kuren muttered as she stood, jaw slightly agape and took in the grass planes and the distant mountain range.

‘I bet if those mountains weren’t there you’d be able to see the tower and the walls of Babel.’ Delphi’s voice had gone quiet, mouse like In her awe.

‘I don’t get it, didn’t you all come in from orbit on a thousand different worlds?’ Jammer asked.

‘That’s true but most of the worlds we drop into are so ravaged by battle that they just look like grey, brown meshes of steel and mud.’ Pao confided to Jammer.

Hammer Head stayed outside.

‘Isn’t he coming in?’ She asked, referring to the robot.

‘No, once we’ve swept in here, him and Sev are going to the roof to check the antenna arrays.’

‘Cool, I’ll go help.’

Jammer walked around to where Kuren and Delphi were setting up.

‘Need any help?’

‘We should be ok, could you check the other side?’ Delphi had a hand full of cable which was connected to a laptop one end and the other end was about to be plugged into a small satellite.

Jammer walked around the inside of the apartment, her eyes looking at the art on the walls and the different trophies placed on tables. She reached the opposite side of the apartment to Kuren and Delphi and saw the view of the great ocean, she hadn’t seen it from this angle before and she certainly hadn’t ever seen it without fishing boats in it.

Jammer rested her rifle on a table and took her crossbow and placed it next to the rifle. She looked around the room, a contented smile on her lips. She noticed a small tablet on a desk in the corner, sitting next to a desktop computer setup. She walked over and turned everything on, browsing over the content on the tablet while the computer boots up. She finds a folder called media and presses it. Inside there are subfolders, Movies, TV shows, Comics and novels. She taps on Comics and scrolls through until she sees something she likes the look of and pushes the icon. As the comic loads Sev shouts ‘Clear.’ Making Jammer jump and almost drop the tablet. She grabs the tablet and puts it back on the desk.

Pao walks over to Sev and tells him to go to the roof with Hamer Head. Sev nods and leaves the apartment.

‘Ok, Delph, You’re on me, we’re clearing the lower floors. You ok setting up with Jammer?’ Pao asks, his voice a mild shout from near the door of the apartment.

‘We’ll be fine, I’m nearly finished with the monitor so it’s simple from there.’ Kuren replied with a smile. The door closes behind Delphi and Pao. Jammer picks up her weapons and meanders over to Kuren.

‘What can I help with?’ Jammer asks, Coyly.

‘you can keep me company, I can do all this myself.’ She replied, he eyes never leaving the monitor and keyboard in front of her.’

‘Sure.’

‘So, where on this rock are you from, Jammer?’

‘I’m an islander by birth. I grew up on the biggest of the Khyber islands, I left them when I was twenty to move to the city.’

‘Why did you move?’

‘A couple of reasons, mostly because the only living to be made on the islands is farmer, fisherman or trapper. I guess I came looking for more than just the job though, I was looking for love and friends too.’

‘Did you find any of that?’

‘Yes and no, I found a good office job and I had a few flings but it never felt like enough.’

‘What happened then?’

‘Well, what happened than was that a huge crystal shaped battle ship landed a bunch of troops on the northern peninsular and they swept down until they reach Babel and then a small splinter group attacked Zion. We got forewarning of the attack and expected a bigger one due to the northern attacks. I’m glad we got the warning and were expecting more, otherwise we would be elbow deep in dead and not theirs.’

‘How did you come by the bow?’

‘Family trade was trapping, my dad used to take me out with a bow and we’d catch any pests trying to attack crops or livestock. This bow has been mine since I was, maybe, thirteen.’

Kuren stayed quiet for a second as she worked away.

‘What about you, where are you from?’ Jammer took the opportunity to ask.

‘I’m from a small town called Pike, similar to your island I guess. We were a mile and a half from Fort Pike so you either joined up at eighteen or you stayed in the town and trapped, farmed or policed. SO I took the military Route.’

‘What planet are you from?’ Jammer was enraptured.

‘Oh, I didn’t say, did i. I’m from Cornovii. Pike is around two hundred miles north of the Capitol city, Viroconium.’

‘I’ve never heard of Viroconium, I’ve heard some stuff about Cornovii, though. Whats it like  there?’

‘Nothing special, rolling grass planes, Shit loads of hills around Pike, I know that. One massive Continent with thousands upon thousands of peripheral islands. Mountains are beautiful, I was stationed up in a base in the Vedica mountains, it was like waking in a dream.’

‘I’d like to visit.’ Jammer asked sincerely.

‘I wouldn’t, it’s so close to the FEBA that it’s surrounded by flotillas and the ground is covered in forts, camps, landing areas, air bases. Even the oceans have floating bases and shit built on them.’ Her eye brows raised.

‘Is all of Gamma-7 from Cornovii?’

‘I don’t think Delphi was born there but she grew up there for sure, she’s got the northern accent.’

‘I hadn’t noticed.’

‘everybody notices her accent, that and how small she is.’ Kuren giggled slightly.

‘I guess I don’t pay much mind to accents after I left the islands. I had the weird accent here in the city so I learnt to homogenize my voice like everyone else here.’ Jammer was more sincere than expected.

‘Why did you move to this city, anyway, why not Babel? Surely there are better opportunities there?’ Kuren placed the parts she was holding on the coffee table in front of her and pressed a power switch on the monitor and looked at Jammer.

‘I’m not sure, Zion always seemed like the choice that was right.’ Jammer had spaced out mildly, her face going straight and her gaze never meeting Kuren’s.

Kuren smiled ‘I know what you mean.’

The monitor flickered on and Kuren picked up a plastic keyboard and began typing.

‘Why do you have such an old computer, the one here is newer than that?’ Jammer asked in a slightly derogatory tone.

‘We get the dirt cheap shit in our military. we had to scavange Hammerhead’s repair parts, at present he is almost seventy five percent scavenged robot.’

‘So, why haven’t you upgraded your computer?’

‘Well, knowing that there is one here, I think we will.’ Kuren placed the keyboard down again and stood up. ‘Show me this other computer, honey.’

Jammer blushed ‘It’s this way, it looks like a holographic display with a modular box unit.’

‘Sounds perfect, let me at it.’

Jammer walked over to the computer desk, now fully booted up to a login screen. ‘Oh, shit can you get passed the login?’

‘Piece of piss, my little friend here will open it up like a whore’s legs.’ Kuren waved a short purple stick and placed it into the computer’s input drive. The screen turned into a Black and white text prompt and she typed ‘Military override sequence, delete all local data’ and pressed the ENTER key on the keyboard. The holographic display flickered and a logo appeared in the centre of the screen, spinning as a progress bar below it slowly filled.

‘Hey, I never asked, how did you get past the alien flotilla, everything we heard they have this place buttoned up tight?’ Jammer asked casually.

‘We were deployed from a prototype refitted gun boat. It dropped out of warp in the high atmosphere, shit the five of us out and warped back to the fleet rendezvous near Calisto.’ Kuren was casual in her response.

The computer flickered to a desk top and Kuren touched her throat mic ‘Computer is up and running. Oh, our new best friend Jammer gave us an upgrade.’

‘Thank you, I knew I liked you, sweet girl.’ Sev’s voice throated through the radio.

‘Don’t mention It, I’m here to help.’ She replied.

‘We’re another five minutes from ready, hold onto your butts ‘til then, ok?’ Sev chirped.

‘So is he really kind and nice or is he like a big grizzly bear like he seems?’ Jammer asked, coyly.

‘can’t he be both?’ Kuren winked.

They walked the computer over to the table where the old unit was and sat the new computer next to it.

Kuren lifted a black, metallic case which had been on Hammer Head’s back when they walked from the police station. She threw the case onto the couch and flipped the clasps around the rim and swung the lid open. Inside was a deconstructed, high power sniper rifle with a dozen clips of ammunition and two small tubs filled with extra rounds. Kuren pulled the ammunition out gently and looked at a gaping Jammer and smiled ‘Don’t worry, it won’t bite.’

Jammer shook her head ‘Sorry, I just haven’t seen a rifle like that in a while, can I help you construct it?’

‘I’ll tell ya what, you watch and you can put it together next time, ok?’

‘Sure thing, I like watching too.’ Jammer blushed, realising she had made a sexually suggestive remark when Kuren looked at her with a sly grin.

Kuren moved quickly in putting the rifle together, her hands finding parts and screwing them together seemed like second nature, within three minutes the weapon was assembled.

‘Could you clear off that dining table and drag it over here, sugar?’ Kuren asked sweetly but not flirtatiously.

‘Sure.’ Jammer responded instantly, being called Sugar really buttered her up.

She threw the table cloth and table settings onto the floor. She began dragging the, surprisingly light, wooden table across the room to the panoramic window facing north.

‘Thanks, Darling.’ Kuren put the fully constructed rifle onto the table and lay herself down behind it, her legs dangling slightly and she pressed her right eye into the eye piece of the scope and began adjusting.

‘They’re taking a while upstairs, and downstairs for that matter, what are they doing?’ Jammer asked.

‘Well, they’re downstairs making sure there aren’t any hostile forces waiting for us and also, they are looking for any escape routes or entryways.’

‘I meant the people on the roof.’ Jammer pointed a finger into the air.

‘They’re fitting a booster antenna and broadcasting computer so we can call the fleet from anywhere in the city. Also, hopefully, we should be able to call Babel and give them intel and co-ordinate attacks from here.’ Kuren rolled over onto her back and sat up halfway through speaking and looked at Jammer, face to face. “We were told not to tell anyone anything about this until Fleet gave the thumbs up but I think we can trust you, can we?’ She was stern and serious.

‘Of course you can trust me.’ Jammer was slightly intimidated but felt a relief in knowing she was trusted.

‘We are the tip of the spear on a massive counter attack to relieve Babel and secure the city. Because Zion was so, relatively, untouched; Command decided that troops will be deployed here.’

‘Well, what’s their plan from there?’ Jammer asked, confused and slightly overwhelmed.

‘Well, a column of air and ground forces will move up, behind the enemy forces and attack them from behind.’

‘I take it you don’t know about their lines, then?’

‘What do you mean?’ Kuren asked, confused.

‘They have a trench lines and forts along their rear flank, I can take you out and show you. When we get back to the police station, you need to tell Korra and She can tell you all about their rear line.’ Jammer said in a cold manner.

‘Fuck’ she pressed her throat mic ‘Boss, can you come up, ASAP?’

‘On my way, K.’ Pao said.

[creative-type]

Monster of the Salt Rock Hills IV

First

Previous

AN: There’s some fairly minor speculation on Thistle’s past here that may be jossed in the future. Also, apparently paper bags were invented in the 1850s, which fits in the vaguely Victorian aesthetic in the comic. Lastly, it’s probably going to be a week or more before my next update. I’ll try my best for a quick turnaround 

AO3

Summary:  The day after stopping a drath summoning gone horribly wrong, Orrig and his team are summoned to the Salt Rock Hills to find and eliminate a monster that has been ravaging the countryside. But things quickly go awry and it soon becomes apparent that nothing about this case is as it seems. Thistle must learn to work together with her new coworkers and overcome her own insecurities to find the truth of the monster of the Salt Rock Hills before it’s too late. Set immediately after Chapter 6: The Knowing Ones

Chapter Four: Lost Causes (and the Fighters Who Champion Them)

It was a quiet walk back to town. Both Brent and Lyra tried to explain what had happened, but Orrig silenced them both with a grunt. Thistle thought she understood his reasoning: They had already embarrassed themselves in front of a fellow guild member, a citizen of the Salt Rock Hills, and the one surviving member of Marco Russo’s team. It was an enormous loss of face, and Orrig’s reputation would suffer if their gaff were ever made public.

Thistle couldn’t help but think it was somehow her fault. She should have noticed the magic in Rhys’s bracers sooner, or gotten Lyra to calm down faster, or done something to prevent the situation from getting so out of hand. They had gone out to the scene of the attack representing Orrig and failed – she had failed, and Orrig would have no choice but to punish her for her mistake.

—i don’t know what you expected. good for nothing, insolent brat, i’ve told you that time and time again. maybe orrig should fire you—

The voice, always so close, was relentless in its attack. The scene replayed in Thistle’s mind dozens of times, hammering home each and every one of her inadequacies until they were all she could remember. She’d let Lyra be humiliated and once again failed to protect Brent from harm. A fugitive glance revealed that the bump on his head was now the size of a goose egg. She hadn’t even had time to rule out a concussion.

Dread and shame made Thistle’s belly twist into knots. She wanted to apologize to the others so badly it hurt, but with Orrig’s embargo on conversation she didn’t dare. The burden of her guilt felt heavier with each step, and by the time they reached town Thistle was almost drowning under the weight of it.

“Ve go to bar,” Orrig said.

“I don’t suppose I’ll be allowed to drink?” Lyra said sarcastically.

Orrig grunted. “Ve not on job now.”

The concession caught Thistle by surprise, and when Lyra almost tripped over her own feet she guessed that she wasn’t the only one. Surely Orrig wasn’t going to pretend that their disgraceful behavior hadn’t happened? Or maybe he was trying to soften the blow of their punishment, whatever that may be?

For the first time Thistle wished that her employer’s thoughts weren’t so difficult to discern. There was a certain amount of comfort in the knowledge that Orrig was level-headed and almost supernaturally stoic no matter the situation. He was the anchor to Lyra and Brent’s raging storm of emotions – unmovable, dependable, and unfortunately unreadable beneath unsounded depths that Thistle had not yet learned to navigate.

He led them down the street Carson had pointed out earlier. Orrig had to duck his head to fit through the entranceway of the tavern, and none of the seats had been built with an orc’s girth in mind. It was too early in the day for most business, there was someone manning the bar nonetheless.

The man eyed the mercenaries suspiciously as they took their seats. “Are yeh buyin’? I ain’t got time for loiterers.”

“A pint of whatever you’ve got that’s good,” Lyra said.

“Same for me,” Brent added.

Thistle looked fretfully from the hematoma on Brent’s forehead to his vacant gaze. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Pfft, I take harder hits than that all the time,” Brent said. “I’ve got a thick skull.”

“Isn’t that the truth,” Lyra said under her breath.

Brent shot her a glare, but didn’t say anything. Thistle screwed up her courage to speak up again, “I, um, I’d like to take a look anyway. I might be able to get rid of the swelling. That is, if you don’t mind…”

“You can heal?” Brent asked.

Heat flooded Thistle’s cheeks, and she managed to nod. “A little.”

“Huh, I didn’t know that. Well, if it makes you feel better, I don’t care.”

It was embarrassing how relieved Thistle was not to be brushed off or be dismissed as needlessly worried. She could feel Lyra and Orrig watch her as she put Brent through a basic concussion protocol – which despite a little wooziness he passed with flying colors. It was only after she made him follow her finger with his eyes, tell her his birthday, and test his hand grasps that Thistle called on her magic.

The hematoma, though unsightly, was not dangerous. With so many blood vessels in the scalp even a minor trauma could turn into a large bump – and running face first into Rhys’s force field was not minor trauma.

Thistle frowned to herself. Even removing the fact that Brent could have been seriously hurt in the explosion, Rhys should have realized he was risking the integrity of the scene by activating his bracers. Thistle was troubled that the elf would escalate the conflict like that. It wasn’t as if Brent had been charging him. He hadn’t even been holding his sword at the time.

“It’s cold,” Brent said when Thistle touched his forehead.

“If it’s uncomfortable I can stop.”

“No, it feels good. Like when you pop a really big zit and all that pressure’s gone.”

Thistle had to choke back a giggle, almost causing her spell to fail. Their drinks had been brought over sometime during Thistle’s assessment, and Lyra made no effort to hide her disgust as she took a long draught.

The spell was a simple one. Thistle had learned it out of necessity the first time she’d been chased by angry villagers armed with stones, and in seconds the bump was gone. She couldn’t help but be pleased with her handiwork. “Alright, one last check to make sure everything’s okay…”

Thistle placed a hand on Brent’s temple. The ethereal blue of her magic brushed against his skin, and even wearing gloves Thistle was acutely aware of the intimacy the gesture implied. His eyes fluttered closed, and the hair near her hand stood straight up, innerved by an unseen energy that seemed to Thistle both unknowable and unquestionably right.

“What in the world…?” Thistle said as her magic brushed against something that felt alien to her senses.

“What is it?” Brent asked. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Thistle said. “It’s just…I can’t believe it. That mage put a bug on you!”

Once, when Thistle had been very young, she’d heard of a mage being tried in the realm’s highest court for casting a spell on a boy that made him forget the death of his mother. The newspapers caught wind of the case, and it became so infamous throughout the country that it was rumored a Wizard had been called into help with the proceedings. At the time she hadn’t understood what the mage had done wrong – Wouldn’t the boy be happier without such a painful memory weighing on his heart and soul? Hadn’t the mage cast his spell in good faith? Why were they being treated like a criminal when the end result was a blessing and a mercy?

It was on that day that Thistle learned that there were lines that magic should never, ever cross. Years of hard experience only reinforced the dangers even the most well-intentioned magic had on the mind.  

The spell Mum had cast on Brent wasn’t quite to that level, but it was close. It was subtle and insidious, as finely woven as a gossamer thread. Thistle never would have noticed it under normal circumstances, and the part of her that wasn’t indignant was amazed at the intricacy of the spell.

“What?!” Brent exclaimed. “What he’d do to me?”

“It’s an altered communication spell used to spy on people…a metaphorical fly on a wall. They can hear everything we’re saying,” Thistle clarified when his face screwed in confusion. She scooped the delicate matrix of spellwork into hands that glowed blue. It reacted to her magic, shimmering with golden light. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself!”

This last exclamation was addressed to whoever was listening on the other end of the spell. Disgusted at the mage’s lack of ethics, she forced her hands together the same way she would shut a badly-written book. The spell shattered, and an unpleasant jolt of energy shot up her arms.

“Are you sure it wasn’t Rhys?” Lyra said darkly. “It seems like something that’d be right up his alley.”

Thistle shook her head. The bug had the same fingerprints the Teleportation spell, and that had undoubtedly been cast by Mum. And while she couldn’t rule it out entirely, Thistle was almost sure that Rhys had no magical talent. Why else would he have expensive enchanted bracers?

“When’d he *#$@!$ cast?” Brent asked. “He never moved!”

“You have to be close for something this fragile,” Thistle said. “It must have been right before Rhys, er…”

“Knocked you on your @$$,” Lyra finished for her, seething. She slammed her drink down, and seemed on the brink of another tirade when Orrig raised his hand.

“Stop. I vill send complaint to guild. They vill take care of mage. Dis not our job”

This reassurance did nothing to assuage Lyra’s temper. “And that’s another thing! What the $&#@ do you mean, this isn’t our job? We were asked for specifically! You said so!”

Orrig sighed, and reached into his bag to pull out the requisition form. He pointed a thick finger to a number printed at the top, one that Thistle had failed to notice when she read the listing for the first time.

“What’s your license number got to do with this?” Brent demanded.

“Vas copy error. My number similar to elf’s, vas sent to wrong place.”

“So we’re just gonna leave?” Brent said. “We came out all this way for nothing?”

Orrig nodded. “Vas mistake, ve technically not hired. Against guild rules to interfere.”

“Goddamn it. I’m going to need another drink,” Lyra said. “And if I see that pretty-boy’s face again I’m going to break his nose.”

There was a hearty hear-hear from Brent, and the group settled into an unhappy silence that was only broken when Lyra called for another pint. The bartender – who Thistle belated realized must be Carson’s father – sauntered over to them. He was a portly man with a receding hairline and a scruffy brown beard. While he had not been blessed with his son’s height, Thistle could see the familial similarity in the shape of his nose and the line of his jaw.

“Coin first,” the bartender said. “A silver, if it pleases the lady, ‘n I’ll get yer beer.”

“A silver? For a pint? That’s highway robbery!” Lyra exclaimed.

“An’ I’ve got a business t’ maintain,” the bartender said flatly. “Not that an outsider’d understand, runnin’ around chasin’ phantoms. Between you lot an’ the cripple, you’ve done nuthin’ but fill my son’s head with crazy-talk and waste my hard-earned money huntin’ a monster that don’t even exist. I got every right to throw you out on th’ street. A silver or nothing.”

A muscle in Lyra’s jaw twitched. She shoved a hand into her money pouch and pulled out the coin. Carson’s father snatched it greedily out of her grasp before handing over a fresh drink.

It was only then that Lyra snapped. She rose to her feet, and in one fluid motion she flung the contents of her mug onto the bartender’s face before slamming it back on the table. Before anyone could react she shoved away from the group and stomped out the door.

“I’m going for a walk.”

Thistle was frozen in place, torn between horror at what Lyra had done and pity for the events that had driven her to that point. Carson’s father sputtered with outrage, beer dripping down his face and staining his shirt.

At this rate they were going to get chased out of town. Thistle brushed her hand across the bartender’s shirt, a small surge of magic drying the fabric instantly. She left the stain untouched – he had basically goaded Lyra into retaliating by massively upping the price after she’d already drunk one pint, and was lucky she hadn’t thrown him through a table.

Orrig, Brent, and Thistle made a hasty exit after that. Further down the road Lyra was turning a corner and disappearing out of sight.

“Should we go after her?” Thistle asked anxiously.

“Good luck with that,” Brent said.

“I think it best if ve leave,” Orrig said. Thistle thought that he looked troubled. “Lyra need space. I vill try to find vay to Crossroads today.”

“We can’t just do nothing,” Thistle said.

“Hmm. You and Brent go find vhile I get vay home. Vill leave as soon as possible. Is better that way.”

“She could be anywhere by now,” Brent said. “We should split up to cover more ground.”

Bad things seemed to happen when they split up, but Thistle nodded anyway. She and Brent started in the general direction Lyra had disappeared to, and with a final grunt Orrig ducked back into the bar. At first Thistle wondered if he might have gone to issue an apology, but for some reason she was reminded of their interaction with Grand Master Wu. Orrig had only intervened when Lyra stooped to crude insults and had never once asked Lyra to apologize for shouting curses at a Wizard capable of turning into a dragon. It seemed like he let his employees speak their mind, up until a certain point.

Thistle wasn’t sure if Orrig’s leniency was always a good thing, but right now she was grateful for it. She could imagine all too well what Lyra was feeling right now, after being insulted and humiliated by Rhys and then being discriminated against by a bartender they didn’t even know.

“So, do you want to go left or right?” Brent asked, drawing Thistle from her thoughts.

“Do you have any idea where she might have gone?” Thistle said.

He sighed. “Not really. I mean, usually I’d say check out the taverns or the bars. I know a couple of her haunts back in the city, but out here? Who knows.”

Thistle thought for a moment, hesitating. “Brent, do you know what that ouvrière means?”

“It’s Elvish,” Brent said. “I think it’s a rude thing to say to a girl who wears pants and works? You hear it from the more stuck-up city elves every once in a while. Usually Lyra brushes stuff like that off, no problem. I think the @$$&^* just caught her by surprise.” He rubbed his neck. “Anyway, we should get looking. I’ll go left you go right?”

“Sure.”

Thistle walked slowly, trying to process everything that had happened. Off of the high streets the buildings grew even more decapitated, many with sagging roofs or stucco walls covered with mold and dirt. She had traveled enough to know the difference between a small town that was thriving and one that was not, and the Salt Rock Hills had the feel of a town taking its final, tortured gasps. There seemed to be little diversity among what was left of the population, and each person who stopped to stare at Thistle was human.

Struck with inspiration, Thistle gathered every scrap of her fraying courage. Scanning the street she found an old man sitting in front of a butcher shop who looked neither suspicious nor afraid of her. Thistle clung to the strap of her bag to keep from fidgeting and approached him carefully.

“Excuse me, have you seen an elf come this way?”

“Sure did.” He smiled at her, exposing a set of false teeth that appeared to be made out of wood. “Tooted up the street not too long ago spoutin’ all sorts of wickedness that ought not be repeated in mixed company. She a friend of yours, stranger?”

“Um, yes.” I think. “My name is Thistle, and we came up to figure out what was attacking the winged horses, only there was a mistake and the job went to someone else.”

The man nodded sagely. “I see. Well, it ain’t ev’ry day we get so much excitement ‘round these parts. I think I’ll treasure the look of Minnie Baker’s face when she heard yer elf friend for the rest of my days.” He stuck out a hand. “Name’s Frank. I used to be the butcher, but I can’t do much cuttin’ these days.”

Thistle clasped fingers gnarled with arthritis. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Frank chuckled. “Trust me, stranger, the pleasure’s all mine. Can’t say enough how much I ‘preciate you all comin’ out here to catch the monster in th’ Hills, even if it ain’t yer job. Are you gonna stay for a bit? Maybe the other mercs will let you join th’ hunt.”

“My boss is actually trying to find a way to Crossroads today.”

Disappointment flickered in his eyes. “Ah, well, don’t know what I was expectin’. Not enough money for two teams, I suppose. Tell yer boss to talk to Jacob. He’s th’ owner of the tavern down yonder an’ oversees the stables here in town. It might cost a pretty penny, but it’s the best way if yer lookin’ t’ leave on short notice.”

“Oh.” Thistle’s stomach sank. “I think we might have met.”

Frank’s wizened face twisted into a grimace. “Shoot. I don’t suppose he made a right fool outta himself? Was he the one who sent your elf friend in a tizzy, spoutin’ his usual garbage?”

Thistle didn’t answer, but her lack of response was enough. Frank spat in disgust and rose unsteadily to his feet. “Go find your friend, stranger. I’ll see if I can talk Jacob into seeing sense. Th’ monster is real, and something’s gotta be done afore someone else gets hurt.”

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” Thistle said.

“Ha! You’ve done nothin’ but entertain these old bones through another day of drudgery. ‘Sides, Jake’s got the only rooms in town to let. If you can’t get him t’ help you leave, then yer gonna have t’ spend the night.”

Frank tipped an imaginary hat and set off from the shop in a slow, shuffling gait, his shoulders stooped with the weight of age. It didn’t seem right for him to get involved with the dispute, but Thistle got the impression there was nothing she could say to stop him.

He didn’t make it more than a few steps when someone called his name. Both Frank and Thistle turned to see where the voice had come from. A woman waved at him from across the street before jogging over. She wore a long white coat over a simple plaid shirt and held a heavy back bag in one hand.

“Hullo, Doctor,” Frank said respectfully. “To what do I owe the pleasure? I was just gonna go give Jacob a piece of my mind.”

The woman brushed away a strand of curly brown hair that had fallen out of her plait and smiled enormously. “Whatever keeps you young,” she said blithely. “I was just wondering if you’ve seen Isla come this way. I was expecting her in the surgery over an hour ago.”

Was it Thistle’s imagination, or did his expression darken? “Can’t say I have, Doctor.”

The doctor’s face fell. Thistle took a half-step forward. “Excuse me, but do you mean Isla Clark? I saw her earlier today with the mercenaries investigating the winged horses.”

“By the spring?” the doctor asked, almost disbelieving. When Thistle nodded, she threw her arm up in the air in exasperation. “Did she walk all that way? No, don’t answer that. Of course she did, despite my explicit warning against pushing herself too far.”

The doctor took a deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose. “Well, that settles that. Frank, why don’t you tell me who your new friend is?”

“Her name’s Thistle, and she’s just passin’ through. ‘Parantly there was some mix up with the mercs an’ her group is lookin’ to get outta town afore dark,” Frank said. “Thistle, this here is Doctor Maureen Malady. You won’t find a better sawbones anywhere in the world.”

“I don’t know about that,” Doctor Malady said, the lines framing her eyes and mouth crinkling with suppressed mirth. Hers was a face made for smiling, and there was something about her demeanor that put Thistle instantly at ease. She adjusted wire-framed spectacles before extending a hand. “I’m sorry your stay at the Hills will be cut short.”

“Actually,” Frank said while Thistle shook the doctor’s hand, “she were just lookin’ for an elf that was travelin’ with her. I expect she wants to get back to searchin’.”

“I see,” Doctor Malady said. “I’d check the general store just over yonder.”

Thistle perked up at this. “Really?”

She nodded. “Ooohh yes. There aren’t many elves that come this way. Is yours rude and too pretty for their own good?”

“Uh…”

“The general store,” Doctor Malady said with a sympathetic smile. “It��s just up the way, you can’t miss it.”

Thistle reluctantly turned in the direction she indicated. It seemed wrong to let the slight on Lyra’s character to go unchallenged, but she’d wasted too much time here already. She waved goodbye and jogged up the street, and before long came to her destination. Everything from spools of ribbon, penny candy, canned goods, and cigars decorated the storefront window, while a pair of tethered horses (of the mundane variety) pawed impatiently at the ground.

It seemed like an odd destination for Lyra, but Thistle braced herself nonetheless. It was entirely possible that Orrig had already found a way back to the city and was waiting for them to rejoin him so they could leave this place behind. Cheered by this thought, Thistle strode boldly – or as boldly as she could manage – into the store.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t got any crates. Need to go to the lumberyard for that,” the man at the register said irritably. The bell over the door alerted him to Thistle’s presence. “Can I help…you?”

He stared dumbfounded at Thistle, but for once she didn’t notice. She stopped dead in her tracks as Rhys Taliesen leaned back from the counter, an eyebrow raised.

“I didn’t expect to meet you here,” he said mildly.

“I, er, neither did I,” Thistle said.

Shouldn’t he be at the springs investigating the dead horse? How had he made it back to town so quickly, and where were Mum and Rizaek? Her thoughts shifted to Isla Clark, who by Dr. Malady’s reaction shouldn’t be making the long walk from the springs to town at all. Had he left her behind? Thistle drew her hands to her chest and took a tentative step backwards.

“Please don’t go,” Rhys said. “I would like to speak with you.”

“You would?”

“Yes,” he said with almost boyish earnestness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name before. Mum said you found his spell. No one has ever done that before.”

“You knew he put the bug on Brent?” Thistle asked. “Why didn’t you stop him?”

His eyes flickered to the storekeeper. “Why don’t we take this conversation elsewhere? There are matters that I would like to discuss with you privately.”

For a moment Thistle was frozen. Rhys’s presence alone was enough to disarm her, and now he was sounding polite and reasonable? Was this the same person who had attacked Brent without provocation and insulted Lyra because she wasn’t wearing a skirt? Thistle’s clothes were baggy, but there was no mistaking that she was also a girl who, as Brent said, wore pants and worked.

A spark of anger thawed her indecision. Thistle barely knew Orrig, Brent, and Lyra, but they had been nothing but kind to her during that short period of time. Lyra especially had apologized for her part in their disastrous first meeting, and then put up with all Thistle’s weird awkwardness while traveling to the Salt Rock Hills.

Thistle crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, but no. That spell Mum put on Brent was unethical – if not illegal.”

Irritation flashed across his brilliant green eyes. They were the color of bottled glass…or poison. “Look, I didn’t realize that Mum had cast the spell any more than you did, and I certainly didn’t tell him to do it. You were there. Did you see me do anything untoward?”

Yes, Thistle thought stubbornly. “When did you find out?”

“When you broke it.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’ve never seen Mum jump so high. He’s a talented mage, you know.”

Thistle’s heart beat faster as Rhys took a small step forward, but somehow she managed to stand her ground. Her pleading look to the storekeeper was useless. He was too busy pretending she and Rhys didn’t exist to interfere.

“I’m surprised you associate with that lot,” Rhys continued, a note of reproach in his tone. “I made inquiries when I learned of the clerical error for this job. Orrig seems like a decent enough fellow – he’s had a solid career and maintains an excellent reputation – but there’s no denying he’s a little long in the tooth, if you pardon my phrasing. The mercenary guild is no place for old men.”

“Excuse me?” Thistle said.

“It’s obvious that he’s already lost control of his subcontractors, yourself excluded.” Another step forward, this time blocking the view of the shopkeeper entirely. Sometime during the exchange Thistle had backed herself into a corner, and Rhys had her completely boxed in as he continued, “And even if he hadn’t, the orc will be retiring within the next season or two. When he does you’ll be out of luck.”

“Excuse me?”

“A mage of your skill shouldn’t be wasting their time in a position that soon won’t even exist. And even if the orc doesn’t hang up his axe this time next year, do you honestly believe you’ll get anywhere with his crew of miscreants?

“What are you getting at?” Thistle asked quietly. She thought she knew where this was going, but a part of her couldn’t believe what she was hearing and wanted Rhys to say it for himself.

“I appreciate talent,” Rhys said. His voice was low, intense, persuasive. “I saw it in Mum when no one would hire a mute and he was on the street peddling for coin. I saw it in Rizaek when he was mucking stalls for a pittance. And I see it in you.”

“I couldn’t possibly…I mean, I work for Orrig. He’s the one who hired me,” Thistle said.

Rhys nodded. “Loyalty is an admirable trait, but it will only get you so far in this line of work. I don’t need an answer now,” he said as Thistle stiffened, mistaking her indignation for something else, “just promise you’ll think it over. I’ll be staying at the tavern owned by Jacob Swinehart if you change your mind.”

There were a great many things Thistle wanted to say, first and foremost being that Rhys had to be out of his mind to think she would want to work for him, but it was as if the surreal nature of the conversation had jammed the gears of her mind to a grinding halt. He left the store a moment later, leaving Thistle gaping after him like a fish out of water.

Is yours rude and too pretty for their own good?

The fact that she had mistaken Lyra for Rhys would have been funny if she weren’t so mortified. What would Orrig say when he found out rival mercenaries were giving out job offers? What would Brent say if he found out she had let Mum’s disgusting invasion of his personal privacy go unchallenged?

“Er, ma’am, are you alright?”

“What?” Thistle said, jumping at the unexpected voice of the shopkeeper. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I…I was just leaving.”

The shopkeeper gave a wary appraisal of Thistle’s unusual appearance. “Alrighty then. Have a good day.”

“You too.” Her voice sounded distant, as if someone other than herself were saying the words. Thistle left the general store, forcing a façade of normalcy over her growing anxiety. Too much, this was all too much. First the dead horse, then the debacle with Rhys and Jacob, and now this? Thistle wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

always were weak-willed. never had the stomach to speak up…you ought to be ashamed of yourself

She didn’t need the voice to tell her that. Shame came as easily to Thistle as breathing. Once again she hadn’t been able to speak up against Rhys’s vicious slander. Thistle couldn’t believe he had gone so far as to attack Orrig, who seemed to her the epitome of professional competence.

but what if it’s true? what will you do if orrig retires? you have no references, and no one would speak for someone so ungrateful. where will you go when they finally see you for what you really are?

mercenaries hunt monsters. your hood is the only thing separating you from whatever is killing the winged horses. once they see that for themselves, they’ll hunt you too.

Thistle felt ill as she wandered through town. The faces seemed less friendly, the air colder. She could see town people’s suspicion, imagined she could hear their thoughts as they moved out of their way to avoid her. The anxiety was giving way to panic. Even if Thistle knew where Lyra was, she didn’t think she could manage a conversation. Instinctually her feet led away from town – away from the wary strangers and their unforgiving eyes.

The only good thing about the Salt Rock Hills was that it was tiny. It didn’t take Thistle long to reach the outskirts of town following the road that she guessed led to the abandoned mines. She remembered Mayor Stone saying Carson was the only one who went to the Hills voluntarily, and he was probably back in his father’s tavern by now preparing for the evening rush.  

Thistle was alone.

Taking a cleansing breath, she found a bit of broken down fence that had once marked the boundary of a large pasture. The pasture was long-since abandoned, overgrown with knee-high grass, half a dozen different wildflowers, and countless weeds. There was bishop’s lace, ragweed, yarrow…and thistles.

Her heart was heavy as she cupped her most recent namesake with her hand. There were no blooms, but a small spark of magic changed that. The thistle’s flower unfurled, purple and perfect and beautiful.

“What am I doing here?” Thistle asked herself. She pulled away from the plant and sat on the fence, staring out at everything and nothing. As before, there was no answer.

She sat until the knot that had been growing somewhere under her breastbone loosened, and long enough for her to wonder if Brent had had any more luck with their mission. Dwelling on her most recent failure made a melancholy feeling sit heavily in her chest, but melancholy she could manage.

It was no use continuing to look for Lyra when she’d most likely already been found. Resolving herself to face Orrig knowing her disgraceful interaction with Rhys was the most difficult thing she’d done since arriving at the Salt Rock Hills, and despite her eagerness to leave she was in no hurry to see her employer again.

Swallowing her reluctance, Thistle hopped off the fence and made one last, sweeping glance of the pasture. It really was quite peaceful out here, and she could understand why Carson wandered out this way. Farther up the road there was even someone resting up against a lone fencepost…

Thistle did a double take, but there was no mistaking that red armor. “Lyra?”

The figure startled. “Thistle? What are you doing out here?”

“Looking for you,” Thistle said. “Orrig wants to go back to the city.”

“Oh thank the gods. How long have you been standing there?”

As Lyra approached, Thistle noticed she’d applied a fresh layer of makeup. “Not too long. I thought Brent would find you first.”

“Ha! Brent couldn’t track himself out of a wet paper bag. Is Orrig seriously leaving today?”

“If he can get transport,” Thistle said, taking some joy at the way Lyra’s face brightened. “Apparently Jacob owns the only stables in town.”

“Who’s Jacob again?” Lyra asked.

“The, well…the owner of the tavern.”

There was a beat of awful, terrible silence. “%*@#.”

“He also owns the only rooms to rent, so if we can’t use his horses we’ll have to pay him to stay the night.”

“Double %*@#,” Lyra said, scrubbing her face with her hands. “If he expects me to apologize he’s got another thing coming. Charging a silver for a pint of beer is a %*@#!+& joke, especially out here in this country backwater. Most the people here probably haven’t seen a silver in their life. You don’t suppose that orc will let us use his flying horse, do you? I bet we could fit all of us on that thing and make it to Crossroads before dark.”

“Rizaek?” Thistle asked. “I don’t speak Orcish, but I got the impression he didn’t want anything to do with us.”

“Hmph. I wouldn’t trust anyone who works with that pretty boy @$$&*^# anyway. I was serious when I said I’d break his nose if I ever saw him again.”

Thistle didn’t have a response for this. The fury in Lyra’s voice was almost a palpable thing. In Thistle’s limited time with her, Lyra’s anger had burned hot, fierce…and quickly. Rhys’s words must have struck a nerve.

“It’s not worth fighting about,” Thistle said, trying to convince herself what she was saying was true. “Not if we’re leaving today.”

Lyra leaned over the fencepost and stared out at the hills. In the distance a winged horse had taken flight and was soaring higher and higher into the air. “You’re wrong,” she said. “@$$#*&% like Rhys live their whole lives thinking they’re better than everyone else just because they have more money or connections or something extra dangling between their legs, and if no one ever proves them wrong they’ll keep on thinking it for the rest of their lives. I’m tired of it. He can call me whatever stupid name he wants, but I’m not afraid of him and I’m not going to back down. No one’s going to fight for me, so you’d &@#% well believe I’m going to fight for myself.”

She brushed her bangs out of her eyes and offered Thistle a crooked smile. “Sorry for the speech, but I’ve met too many Rhyses in my life to given two $&%!$ about this one. If I give up an inch he’s going to take a mile and come back looking for more. So yeah, I’d say it’s worth fighting over.”

“Even if you don’t win?” Thistle said.

Lyra laughed. “Oh, I know I’m not going to change his mind, but if I can make him think twice before spouting slurs to strangers who might take offence, then, well, that’s a win in my book.”

Thistle thought about this for a moment. She could see where Lyra was coming from, but there had to be a better way. Or maybe there wasn’t, and she was just too much of a coward to admit it. Thistle spent the majority of her time trying to help people, and to date she’d still never been accepted by anyone who knew what she truly was.

“What does ouvrière mean?” Thistle asked before she could stop herself. Her throat tightened when Lyra gave her a curious sideways glance that she could not decipher. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“I’m more surprised that you don’t know,” Lyra said. “It’s Elvish for ‘worker’.”

“That’s it?” Thistle said.

“That’s it,” Lyra said wryly. She propped her chin up with a hand. “That’s what I hate about Elvish. It’s got no real curse words, and everyone is so %*@#!+& obsessed with high society and being polite that they have to come up with creative ways to insult those they think are lower than they are.”

“But how can calling someone a worker be an insult?” Thistle asked.

“Oh, it’s not the word we use for someone who’s respectable,” Lyra said. “It means someone who does dirty work, common work, or a girl who doesn’t have a husband or father or brothers to take care of them so they go out in trousers and a shirt that they can actually breathe in, walking the streets without a chaperone and likely getting themselves into all sorts of undesirable situations with all sorts of undesirable folk for a little coin.”

“That’s…that’s terrible,” Thistle said.

Lyra shrugged. “It’s just a word,” she said flatly. “And like I said, it’s not even a real curse. Now dwarvish has some fantastic swear words. I picked up a bunch from a chatty drunk back in the city. Maybe I should throw some of those in Rhys’s face before I break his nose.”

It was a poor attempt at a joke, and they both knew it, but Thistle forced a chuckle anyway. “Do you suppose we should head back? Maybe Orrig’s found a way to Crossroads.”

“Gods I hope so,” Lyra said. She slid off of the fence and glanced at Thistle again, this time a sly grin spreading across her face. “So if you didn’t know what ouvrière meant then that means you’re not an elf.”

It was as if someone had snatched the air out of Thistle’s lungs. If Lyra had already figured out she wasn’t a city elf, how long would it take for Brent to realize she wasn’t human, or Orrig to see her for the monster she truly was? Thistle had known them for all of three days, and they were already starting to guess at her identity. They were mercenaries, professional monster hunters, how long would it take for them to see through the mask and shadows…

Lyra doubled over and laughed a laugh that sounded more like the maniacal cackle Thistle had once heard from a villain in a play. “I can’t believe it! That’s fantastic!”

“What?”

“I bet Rhys is the type to think elves are the best mages in the world. I would pay good money to see the look on his face when he realizes his pet spell slinger was schooled by a human girl!”

Lyra’s laughter drowned out Thistle’s weak protests, and she was still laughing when they found Brent and Orrig sitting outside city hall. It was just as well that she was in a good mood, because no amount of coin that would convince Jacob arrange transport to Crossroads, and there was no one else who could assist them on such short notice. They were stuck in the Salt Rock Hills for the night, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #140: A Journey to the Center of the Ant

October, 1975

I love this cover.

It’s great. Giant Yellowjacket dominating a good half of the space. Vision using his weird habit of hiding inside people to good, non-creepy use for a change. Thor ineffectually gesticulating in the background. And the cover caption “Invasion of the 50-Foot Hero!” which is a bit of ambiguous phrasing not paired with the image.

A Journey to the Center of the Ant is also good and I’m hard pressed to say which I prefer. Journey to the Center of the Ant slightly edges out because its a call back to A Journey to the Center of the Android! from Avengers #93. And things are turned flipped upside down - this time Vision is going inside Hank Pym to save his life instead of vice versa.

So what’s going on here? Well...

Last time: After a Stranger-impersonating Toad hurt the Wasp, the Avengers tracked him to his spaceship and Yellowjacket shrank to kick his ass even though he wasn’t supposed to do any size-changing at all.

Then, Whirlwhind tried to attack the comatose Wasp and once Yellowjacket figured out that Whirlwind was Wasp’s ex-chauffeur, he size-changed a lot to fight him, eventually seizing up with pain and needing to be rescued by the blue fuzzy Other Hank.

And that brings us to Yellowjacket seizing up with pain, just as the ending of the previous issue foretold.

Beast is alarmed but Yellowjacket is “completely zonked” and also slowly and uncontrollably growing. Probably because of the aforementioned microbe that once trapped him at ant-size.

Geez. That random guy from Nextwave was right. Hank Pym really does give size-changing a bad name.

Beast climbs the hospital and through the window into Wasp’s room to alert Thor. And by the time the two get back outside, the unconscious Yellowjacket has grown to twenty feet.

Wasp’s doctor wonders how Hank could have done this to himself when his wife might need him. Thor tries to spin it into a romantic circumstance.

Something occurs to Beast and he goes running off bouncing over traffic and the rooftops. About two years ago, he had a job at the Brand Corporation and was working on a cure-all for mutation.

But then he got fired for all the mysterious leaves of absence he kept taking because of turning blue and fuzzy and also having adventures in Canada.

Womp womp.

Oh. And also the fine print in his contract says that everything he made belongs to Brand.

But his experimental formula might just be the very thing in fact that can help Hank (Pym) so contract be damned, he’s on Avengers business!

So like an old pro he Solid Snakes his way onto the Brand compound. And much like Solid Snake, he inevitably gets spotted and shot at a lot anyway.

But he gets into his old lab and finds the experimental serum! Seriously talking to himself the whole time. Just keeping up a stream of witticisms and introspection and observations.

Even more than some other heroes, I think Hank McCoy might die if he had to stop talking for an extended period of time.

Oh and he gets shot on his way out. Not a fatal mistake, not with his bestial healing factor. But not a fun one either.

MEANWHILE, it’s mysterious woman time again! Although a caption hints that old Beast-readers (presumably meaning Amazing Adventure readers) should know who she is at this point.

Mysterious woman with back always to camera rings the bell at Avengers Mansion. Jarvis informs her that the Avengers aren’t here and as a matter of fact, the Avengers rarely are at home.

What kind of security do the Avengers have that people can just walk up to the front door and ask to see the Avengers?

Anyway, Jarvis warns her that he cannot say when to expect the Beast to be back but invites her to wait inside.

But mysterious woman is wise to Beast’s game. Knowing him, he’d slip in and out without her ever seeing him. No, she’s smart. She’s going to sit on the front porch until he shows up.

After all, he owes her and she plans to collect!

Meanwhile and also back at the hospital, Scarlet Witch and Vision return from their honeymoon in a boat-shaped Quinjet. They happen to spot giant Pym from above and land to see what’s going on.

Thor is surprised to see them back so soon and it dawns on Vision that he has made a terrible mistake.

But he’s also getting drawn in. Because now that they’re here, they have to help their mysteriously growing teammate.

Scarlet Witch steps forward and uses her scarlet witchery to slow Pym’s uncontrollable growth.

Hank also returns with the serum. But in order to administer it, he’ll need to research the microbe.

Problem: giant Pym has giant cells.

Beast: “Oh, man! That’s me all over! The researcher who forgets to be practical!”

But Thor has an idea. The Wasp’s blood should be similarly infected by the same microbe!

So they just need to get some samples from the Wasp!

Dr. Richard Horrigan: “Not a chance!”

The doctor considers the Avengers all loonies and will not let them disturb the Wasp while she’s in critical condition.

Beast insists that he’s trying to save her husband’s life and isn’t going to hurt her in the process but in fairness... Beast is a big blue gorilla man and doesn’t really look like doctor material. I mean, where would you ever get a hairnet big enough?

But then DEUS EX DOCTOR!

Doctor Donald Blake appears out of nowhere (you can actually see Thor slyly ducking out on a previous panel) to vouch for the Beast as a scientist.

Dr. Richard Horrigan just gives up. The Avengers can do whatever they want.

And so, Dr. Donald Blake draws some blood from the Wasp, which doesn’t affect her critical condition at all, as was apparently medically obvious.

And in a hastily borrowed lab, Beast studies the microbe as the hours tick away.

Outside the lab, Thor and the newlyweds can only wait helpless. Vision and Scarlet Witch kind of want to question Thor to find out exactly what nonsense they entered in media res but since Thor is so frustrated that he starts shouting and waving his hammer at nothing, they decide to leave him be.

Meanwhile, I’m a bit confused with the timescale on the Iron Man/Moondragon segment of the story. Hours have been passing while Beast studies science things and I guess Iron Man and Moondragon have been searching every nook and cranny of Castle Doom for the time machine or for Hawkeye.

Neither a hide nor hair was found of either.

But just when Iron Man is ready to quit and return to New York, the time platform reappears. Sans Hawkeye. And with blood staining its deck.

It’s a pretty obvious trap, both Avengers conclude.

Back at the hospital, Beast excitedly comes up with a solution. Provided nobody died in the five hours it took.

But Wasp is doing about the same as ever. Perhaps even better!

Then Hank (McCoy) looks out the window and sees what has become of Yellowjacket, who has swelled to a height (or length? He’s laying down) of one-hundred and fifty feet.

Get rekt, the square-cube law. You’re helpless before the Pym particle.

Beast races outside with the adapted serum and meets up with the other Avengers.

With the serum completed, all they need to do is get it into Yellowjacket’s bloodstream quickly. Now, it could be simply injected, the way you’d do if you were a rational person who believed in practical solutions.

But do you read comics to watch a serum be fed via IV into a 150 foot man?

You do?? Then you might want to stop reading and forget what you saw on the cover.

Because Vision decides he wants to be part of this moment. Specifically to pay Pym back for his own fantastic voyage deep into Vision’s innards.

So he takes the serum, pours it into his cupped cape and then dives inside Hank Pym.

So. Uh. Did he disinfect his cape? While it’s touching that he wants to repay Hank Pym, I can’t help but think that a sterilized IV might have been a more hygienic option. 

Also, there’s the little matter that any mishap caused by an android swimming through a grown man’s bloodstream could cause instant death.

Vision: “Still, I am not a man to make errors in judgement -- except, if I read the others’ reactions to my shortened honeymoon, in matters of the -- heart?” (dives into Hank Pym’s heart) “No -- I shall make no errors there!”

I like seeing that the honeymoon thing is weighing on Vision. Being human and doing human stuff like matrimony is very important to Vision but he kind of goofed up. And its nice to see that its used as a character beat and not just a way to get these popular characters back in the book ASAP.

Also, I’m not entirely sure about the biological scenery that we see inside Pym but then, I was a liberal arts major.

Inside the heart, Vision finds himself beset by white blood cells? Or possibly tribbles.

And Vision solidifies a bit so he can punch them???

Then looses the serum into Pym’s heart. And then returns the way he came, intangibling out of Hank Pym’s body.

The serum apparently worked and worked fast. Yellowjacket is already shrinking. And Hank regains consciousness.

Without even giving himself a chance to rest, he’s already up and running to check on Wasp.

AND HEY! She’s okay! She came out of her coma! At almost exactly the same time as Yellowjacket came out of his!?

Medicine is weird. Or maybe that’s the power of love? Or contrivance?

Either way, Yellowjacket and Wasp kiss as Thor triumphantly bellows in the background. Awww.

So! Despite the iffiness of Vision swimming around inside of Hank Pym when there was specifically another, more hygienic option, I really liked this issue.

But I’m noticing that the Beast trend continues. A long stretch of this issue was Beast alone as he infiltrated the Brand Corporation facility to steal back his research to cure Other Hank. And then he adapted the serum for Hank’s specific ailment.

Not to mention the mystery plot with the mystery woman who is looking for Beast. There’s a lot of Beast buildup in this stretch of Avengers. He’s had prominent focus since the Celestial Madonna Saga ended.

Which, in fairness, he’s a high profile new probationary Avenger. And over this stretch of issues, he’s demonstrated his skill, his smarts, and his contribution to dialogue of the book.

But Moondragon is also new and although she’s shown her stuff a bit, she’s not getting near as much the build-up that Beast is getting.

It will be interesting to see where this trend goes.

But next time: THE RETURN OF THE SQUADRON SUPREME! Those guys again! We haven’t seen them since #85-86!

[affectos]

Who I want for Injustice 2 DLC

Seeing how Netherrealm chose to blow the reveal of FIVE DLC characters already (Starfire, Red Hood, Sub-Zero, Black Manta, and Raiden), I thought I should get off my chest who I think should also be included:

1: Vixen (Mari McCabe/Amaya Jiwe)

There is a female sihlloute in the reveal, so there’s a chance.

Beyond that, we can see the influence that the Arrowverse is having on the game: Captain Cold, Firestorm, and Black Canary all have a place on the roster, and I would be surprsied if they didn’t get Arrowverse armor considering that in the original Green Arrow got an ‘Arrow’ costume.

However, Vixen isn’t on the roster despite Mari having her own mini animated series, appeared in the live action series, and her grandmother Amaya having a starring role in season 2 of Legend of Tomorrow and staying on until season 3.

Vixen can easily be rushdown character, but her character ability can be similar to Wonder Woman’s but instead of empower a piece of her armor, Vixen gains the abilites of an animal.  Cheetah for extra speed; Elephant to keep her from being launched; Falcon for extra jump power or second jump.

For her outfits, she doesn’t have too much, but you can pull from the DCAU, CW animated series, live action for both Amaya and Mari (they have different outfits), and a few comic ones.  The Totem she uses herself has gone through many looks too.

2: The Atom

Again, another Arrowverse/Legends of Tomorrow pick.

Ray Palmer has sort of been a B-List hero over the last decade in DC media, but has gotten enough attention through Young Justice, DCAU, and the Arrowverse.  He has plenty of different armors and looks, and his Arrowverse appearance being the most detailed version that would fit Injustice 2′s aesthetics well.

For playstyle, if you go off the Arrowverse’s powrers, he has thrusters in his suit, as well as pulse canons.  Couple that with dodges, and parries by going small and rapidly growing in size when punching, Atom could play interestingly, especially if his Ultimate involved shrinking the enemy down to a sub-atomic size

3: Steel (John Henry)

Seriously, how did we NOT get this guy in the original?  Steel has been around for a while and was even one of the people who inherited Superman’s emblem when he died for a while.

Granted, we still have Cyborg for the ‘exo-suit/mech’ character, but Steel’s hammer is something that would make him different by having long pokes and focus on launching his enemies.  Add in rivets and the fact the hammer is remote controlled, and there’s something there.

There are lots of armors for him from the comics alone.  The DCAU wasn’t the most inventive when it came to the suit, but it’s still an option.  Hell, tap into Shaq’s terrible Steel film.

4: Beast Boy

-insert obligatory Teen Titan joke here-

Seriously though, he’s the only remaining Teen Titan not playable (not including kid versions of Flash, Supes, or WW).  Even Blue Beetle (Jamie Reyes) got in!

Now, it’d be hard to do both Vixen and Beast Boy, so if anything, he’d be more of a charge character, literally stampeding his enemies.  Basically, Beast Boy would be the Swamp Thing where he literally turns into the animal for the attack while Vixen is more of Poison Ivy who uses the plans/animals respectively as an extension of themselves.

Beast Boy would be challenging as his hit box would change with the animal he turned into, making for risk-reward setups.

Finally, between the comics, original Teen Titans, Young Justice, and the Judas Contract film, you have several costume options to get inspiration for.

5: Static Shock

Okay, this is a character that perplexes me as for Injustice 1, he was a mobile-only version hero. Full moveset and ultimate.  Yet he never got a console release, and there’s been zero talk about him.  Even if he’s only mentioned in Injustice 2 in a small way, I think it’d be nice to see that.

Bonus: New Armor Sets

The fact that we know that all the new DLC characters will also be getting full armor sets, what if they also released new packs of armor for the existing characters too?  We know that they have this focus on the ‘multiverse’ aspect, so why not tap into those alternate earths for armor too?  Elseworlds, Crime Syndicate, Justice Lords, Red Son, etc.  

[comicbookuniversity]

Hey humans, more specifically comic-artists,

I wrote a small story for fun, and instead of letting it sit in my docs, I decided to share it. It’s nothing major, but I was experimenting with what it must be like writing in the Marvel-Style as Stan Lee used to write. I was recently inspired by Hickman’s acknowledgement of how his Giant Size X-Men stories were written.

I like to think all writing is good practice, so I figure the same must be true for artists; I personally struggle with stick figures. I wanted to write a story with little to no words to really let the art shine with a character whom I believe is great for creativity: The Green Lantern. So if you are or know an artist who might enjoy bringing this story to life as a means to practice, I’d love to see it. I don’t know if anyone will ever see it or draw it, but I’d rather just put it out there and let it be. (PS sorry, but I can’t add in a ‘keep reading’ thing)

High Noon At Broome’s Pride: A Green Lantern Story by Geordan

For the first page I’m thinking a star wars style floating scrawl across space; I’m thinking colorful nebula as the background.

The text: Green Lantern Justice stops evil in thousands of galaxies, and supports sentience-affirming, rights-positive institutions. The Green Lantern Corps are heroes to hundreds of quintillions of sentient beings. After examinations by Corps Investigative and Judiciary specialists, Green Lantern intervention was approved on a human world, Broome’s Pride. Lantern Maria Cohen is on the ground and an Alpha Lantern is on overwatch in orbit.

We see our Lantern standing outside of a walled facility that also has a force field around it; and it looks distinctly different from the background environment. This background can be the local flora or cityscape, but there definitely needs to be a design contrast between the Rebels and the Authorities. She forces an opening in the field and is fired upon by forces unseen. Since there will be little to no dialogue, I think showing a sense of escalation in her tactics and level of force would be fun, so as she progresses her response becomes more epic. I think with the first few baddies, we show her doing things like hand to hand, then to generated melee weapons, and finally a construct of a cool-ass gun. We also see her send a handful of these bad guys back to the forces who were standing outside the facility who were the authorities that requested her intervention. The bad guys in this first round don’t really have much more than some sci-fi rifles/handguns; maybe even a single grenade.

This is where we introduce the minor B plot. We cut to a group of children, who are scared and being held captive in a room with several guards; the exact number, age range, and how many boys/girls/unknowns I will leave up to you. There’s an explosion from a distance, and some of their guards leave. One of the braver/reckless kids silently tries to tell the others that this is their time to escape. There is some hesitation, so the others look to the most scared of them all and the body language still shows fear. The brave one reaches out their open hand with a ‘do you trust me face’, and there’s a beat of nothing followed by a shot with their hands together. The group takes down the guard and runs away.

In level two, we’re deeper into this facility; there’s no more open space. We see mechs beginning to assault her. These are varied in size and weapons, but all look like they were meant to be sibling designs to each other.This would be a point where those little lantern shaped info bubbles come up to explain to our audience just how dangerous these mechs are, bu I’ll leave this aspect up to you based on what is needed on the page to show some cool action. It’s not strictly necessary to do the little bubbles, but this would be a place to do them. I definitely believe that the mechs should attack in unison and even seem to have the upperhand momentarily before our Lantern swiftly dismantles them. She sends the pilots back to the authorities.

The children have made some progress, but it’s unclear to them and the reader how close they are to the Lantern. We see them dodge guards as they run to their stations for battle, and the children running in their blindspots towards freedom. Two important things need to happen during this little sequence: one the scared one saves the Brave one by pulling them back from being seen by a guard, and there’s a moment of bonding. Two, one of the children gets separated and is found by a guard; the other children watch horrified as they cannot give away their own position lest they be caught too.

Now we’re in level three, a big hall clearly designed to hold meetings for a large number of people and different kinds of events. There are soldiers everywhere standing on different levels with different guns and the leader of these people are standing dead ahead with the kid who was caught escaping; the leader is holding a gun to the kids head. There is even a throne in the room that the leader is standing in front of. The soldiers open fire, but nothing gets past her shield. She sends out tentacles that rapidly send these soldiers back out to the authorities waiting outside the facility. There are only a few left in the room, and Maria feels confident that her mission is almost over. A new figure arrives in the room from above- Maximus Onyx, alien robot mercenary. This is definitely where a Lantern info bubble is needed to introduce this robotic foe and inform the audience that it is wanted for the deaths of three other Lanterns. The Alpha Lantern is informed of his presence and descends from orbit, but not before Maria begins her battle with this mechanical monster.

The children find this giant room and watch from a distance. Maria notices them, but cannot let her focus stray from this deadly foe.

Maria goes hard a first. She tries knocking him many meters into the ground with a giant hammer like attack, but Maximus teleports out of the way. Small drones pop out of Maximus and start firing new energy bolts at her while she is assaulted by a sword and robotic tentacles. Maximus also unleashes a sensory attack to further destabilize the Lantern’s concentration. This fight is going south for Maria quickly. Maximus knocks her down and appears to be ready to deliver a final blow, but then the Alpha Lantern arrives. Maximus backs off and the two make space for their own battle. Barely standing, Maria spits out some blood, and sees the leader of the Rebels trying to escape with the child. She reaches out with some of the last of her energy to get the Leader, the child, and the other children away from the fight that is about to start.

Maximus uncloaks a ship that is floating above the facility and many more drones coming flying down. A case is shot down, and Maximus opens it up to reveal a new and strange sword. The Alpha Lantern is unphased and begins Tactic-821, cascading energy barriers with spiked surfaces. This sends wave after wave with the next wave starting before the last one ends that kinetically destroys (smashes) everything within a sphere range of the Alpha Lantern. Maximus is on the retreat as his hundreds of drones are destroyed, but he slashes through one of the waves with his strange sword that appears to disrupt lantern constructs. He uses this sword to cut closer and closer against each wave. With drones destroyed, Alpha Lantern ends Tactic-821 and engages in a form of close quarter combat, since distance attacks will no longer have the advantage. Maximus engages the ship to attack the authorities. It’s up to hurt Maria to protect them against the fearsome fire power; her ring is still low. The children hug her before she goes, and she pinky promises the scared one she will be back.

Maximus begins to intensely use his local teleportation ability against the Alpha Lantern. THe Alpha lantern has learned that intensely dense constructs will block the sword, but it can still cut into the constructs- it just gets stuck. So far the Alpha Lantern has been unable to immobilize Maximus, but has figured out what will work. Alpha Lantern engages Tactic-1035, Green World. The Alpha Lantern projects an artificial environment based on memories of their homeworld within their actual environment to trap an individual within the ‘Green World’. From here, the Alpha Lantern increases the ‘gravity’ of the Green World; this isn’t actual gravity manipulation so much as the pressure of the constructs ‘air’ acting as a fake gravity. Maximus struggles to hold the sword, but cannot hold on to it. Outside, Maria is holding onto something, barely doding shots fired by the ship, and doing what she can to deflect them away from the living. She crashes through the flight deck to see more bodies of Maximus moving around operating the controls. She starts to panic, but drops off her gift and flies off as fast as she can. She loses power as she flies away.

The ship explodes, and Maximus is aware that the others are gone. One of his tentacle cannons begins to charge, and he teleports behind the Alpha Lantern. He fires his shot, which releases a large energy beam, but the beam passes right through the Alpha Lantern. It was a construct, and the real Alpha Lantern had hidden when the Green World was launched. The construct dissolves and binds around and into Maximus before he can react. Maximus is disabled and arrested.

The Alpha Lantern registers that Maria’s ring is offline and begins to search. Outside the facility, the Alpha Lantern discovers the children surrounded. Medics are rushing towards her, but the Alpha Lantern stops them and starts medical triage constructs. The Alpha Lantern does not leave until Maria awakens and allows her to say goodbye to the children. The Lanterns confirm that the rebels have been captured, and fly off into deep space with Maximus in tow.

The End.

Story and Character Notes:

This story is specifically designed to be straightforward. The Rebels and Authorities conflict is unknown to the readers, so people can project what they want. I mean, I don’t want the Green Lantern associating with a Nazi or otherwise facist authority, but I’m not trying to create deeply political narrative here. There’s pretty much always some group within a cultural context that wants to break away from society for their own reasons and is willing to use violence; this is a common phenomenon in human history, so I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.

This is a future human colony world, but how far into the future is not clear. Considering the wild disparities of technological advancement within the larger DCU, it could be twenty years into DC’s future or two thousand. It’s not particularly important in this story how far it is into the future. Have fun with the designs is the most important part; the rebels and authorities need to have distinct visual differences.

The Green Lantern is a concept who I really think should be artist driven, so this is a story where it has clear heroes and villains to just let the artist have fun drawing imaginative action sequences. The goal of minimal/no dialogue or words was to really keep this experiment as accessible as possible and really let the art shine.

Maria Cohen is our primary hero for the story, but considering this is the future, for all we know, Maria and Cohen will have spread to become names that do not particularly denote any particular ethnic or cultural background. Or maybe she has an unusual background. Maria’s exact story is not needed here, but I talk about how her name can be open, because I would like to make her age, body type, ethnicity, tattoos/no tattoos all left open to however you want to make her. I personally see someone closer to 30s, but if you want her to be a teenager or even a grandma, I say go for it. And it’s pretty clear that the GLC doesn’t have a clear uniform standard beyond their symbol, so have fun with that. The only thing she needs to be is confident in her body language. I do suggest no outfits that would be overly male-gazey; it’s a work uniform, not a strip club look.

Maximus Onyx does not have to be a humanoid robot. He only needs to have arms, the ability to launch tentacles (if they aren't already out), and the ability to shoot drones out him. Primary color scheme being red, black, and gold. He could have 3 heads for all we know. Just make him look menacing.

The Alpha Lantern could be another human, or it could look like Mothra signed up to become an Alpha Lantern. I think it would be really fun if it were an animal we are all familiar with, but a human intelligent version- like an elephant Lantern. It’s just a suggestion. The primary point here is that the Alpha Lantern looks cool and stoic.

[sebeth]

Thor: Ragnarock

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

 Finally watched Thor: Ragnarock tonight – no deep thoughts only my general impressions as I watched the movie.

Oh, no!  Thor’s in a cage! – Who knew Thor was so snarky!

Surtur! – Great visual.

Hang on, Hang on! – I’m loving snarky Thor.  Tony must be a bad influence.

Immigrant Song!  Would’ve been better suited for a Frost Giant attack – “I come from the land of the ice and snow”.

Heimdall?  Yeah, I hate when my ride doesn’t show up too!

Executioner!  “I got these from a place called Texas.”

Big demon puppy! Stay!  Creative use of the hammer!  The poor ladies received the ultimate in dog slobber.

Thor had no appreciation for Loki’s masterful play.

You had one job!

Loki shouldn’t be in charge of caring for senior citizens.

Selfie Thor!

It was a mutual dumping, okay?  Whatever makes you feel better, Thor.

The Master of the Mystic Arts has questions for you!

Thor clearly doesn’t grasp the particulars of e-mail.

Don’t meddle with Thor’s hair!

I have been falling for thirty minutes!

I need to see more Loki – Doctor Strange interactions!

My sons!  Your mother, she calls me – sad and heartbreaking.

Frigga would be proud – A nice reference to Frigga teaching Loki magic.

Hela!!! – I would have preferred if she was Loki’s daughter.

Kneel! – You would think Loki, of all people, would appreciate a firm command to kneel!

Bye, Mjolnir!

Farewell to the Warriors Three.

Poor Thor can barely go a movie without being tasered.

You would think a god of thunder would be less vulnerable to electricity.

Badass introduction of Valkyrie.  I love her link with the ship’s weapons.

Asgard massacre! – Hela is easily the most powerful female in the MCU!

Where’s Sif? Shouldn’t she have been standing next to Hogun?

Contest of Champion – Easter egg callback to the 1980’s mini-series.

Nice girlie scream, Thor!

MCU Grandmaster is a million times more interesting than the comic book version.

Loki pays back the “He’s adopted” comment!                                                                                  

Korg & Meek from Planet Hulk!  I would have expected a much deeper voice from Korg.

Fenris!  This is the movie for fans of monster-sized puppies.

Piss off, ghost! Loving Korg!

I used to want to be a Valkyrie when I was younger! – Thor appreciates warriors of both genders!

The greatest casualty of the entire movie – poor Thor’s hair!

I know him!  He’s a friend from work! – Hulk’s not looking too friendly!

Loki almost peed his pants when the Hulk appeared!

Sun’s going down – well, it almost worked.

Yes, that’s how it feels! Loki is rather familiar with a Hulk smashing.

You’re embarrassing me! I told them we were friends!

Thor also seemed to receive a power upgrade upon Odin’s death.

Heimdall! Such a polite badass.  And Leader of the Resistance and Protector of Refugees.

Very naked – it’s in my brain now.

Banner’s friend.  Not Banner’s friend! – Thor does have much more in common with Hulk than Bruce.  The whole spat was adorable.

I want a television series of Thor and Hulk as roommates.

Stay! Please?  At least Hulk said please!

Way to fib over the fight, Thor – “I won easily.” – Yep, that’s totally what happened.

Don’t let Thor watch any children – it took him all of two seconds to lose Banner.

Point Break!

Loki should be added to the Thor-Hulk roommates sitcom.

Get Help!

Thor finally got one over on Loki!

Banner needs to get that Ph.D in spaceship flying!

A fight scene and a fireworks display!

The Executioner was way more badass in the comics.

Great fight scenes at the end.  Hulk vs Demon Puppy!  Loki, Korg, and Meek to the rescue!  God of Thunder!  Loved the timing of “I’m coming home” to Valkyrie’s entrance into the brawl.  I gasped when Fenris pierced Hulk’s leg.

The Executioner receives his heroic death scene – very similar to the comics.

Surtur erupts – I’m very disappointed we didn’t get a “For Asgard!” “For Midgard” “For Myself” moment!

Big monster!

Farewell, Asgard!  Was it only Asgard who was destroyed?  We know Midgard is safe but what about the other seven realms?

Are the Asgardians going to inhabit Norway?  Do the citizens of Norway get a choice in the matter?  What about Korg and Meek?

What is that ship at the end?  Does it belong to Thanos?  Is Thanos going to massacre the Asgardian refugees?  We know from the Infinity War trailer that Thor encounters the Guardians of the Galaxy in space but Hulk is in Wakanda?  What happens that causes them to separate?  Does Valkyrie survive the encounter with Thanos?

Fantastic movie! Easily one of my top three Marvel movies – the first Iron Man and Captain America: Winter Soldier are the other two.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1151

Monday, February 13, 2017

 Ottawa got about 20 centimetres of snow in the last 24 hours. I heard the grader go by at about 2 AM and I was out there before 5 AM clearing the near meter high snow bank plugging our driveway so that Penny could leave. I should have been more careful. Forgot that it's the thirteenth. Went to throw a big shovelful of snow and my back seized so bad the pain put me on my knees. I was a little over half done then. Did the rest very slowly in a lot of pain and managed to get it all cleared away. Stupid back.

 Kingpin #1 - Matthew Rosenberg (writer) Ben Torres (art) Jordan Boyd (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). I almost didn't take this book off the rack to read because the Civil War II: Kingpin mini didn't thrill me. I'm glad I had a change of heart and read this. Here is a Wilson Fisk trying to change the public's perception of him as a brutal crime lord. Matthew makes him more like the sympathetic character that was on the first season of Netflix's Daredevil TV show. That portrayal by Vincent D'Onofrio was very convincing. There is a scene next to a town car in this issue that flashed me back to the show where the Kingpin kills someone with a car door. The other main character is a beautiful writer who Wilson wants to hire to write his biography. Ben's art is really good, and he drew Sarah in a red haute couture gown that made me weak in the knees. This is being added to my "must read" list.

 Justice League of America #1 - Steve Orlando (writer) Ivan Reis (pencils) Joe Prado & Oclair Albert (inks) Marcelo Maiolo (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I almost didn't take this book off the rack to read because Steve did not impress me with the Monsters story in Batman and Detective recently. I gave him another chance and I'm sorry I did. I don't like this team that Batman is putting together. His reason for gathering these characters is to show that a team of super humans can protect the Earth just as well as the other League that has a couple of gods on it. I get that but Steve belabours the point. Some fans might think it's cool to have Killer Frost, Black Canary, Lobo, the Asian Atom, the Ray and Vixen on a team but I think it's a stunt to create conflict within this team for drama. I'm taking a pass on this for now.

 Death Be Damned #1 - Ben Acker, Ben Blacker & Andrew Miller (writers) Hannah Christenson (art) Juan Useche (colours) Colin Bell (letters). The title should give you a clue to what this 4-issue mini is about. We're looking at some frontier folks what can't die. It's 1873 in Wyoming and a farmer's wife is looking for the men who killed her and her family. She doesn't realize that she can't be killed, but the undertaker finds out soon enough. This isn't simply a story of revenge however. There is some Native American Indian lore and rituals involved that makes for some spooky goings on. I found the art to be crude but serviceable so if you like old west ghost stories this may raise the hairs on your arms.

 Ms. Marvel #15 - G. Willow Wilson (writer) Takeshi Miyazawa (art) Ian Herring (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). This Troll villain just got a lot more interesting. Kamala thought she found the hacker that could expose her secret identity but she was wrong. I can't wait for the next issue.

 Wonder Woman #16 - Greg Rucka (writer) Bilquis Evely (pencils) Bilquis Evely, Mark Morales, Andrew Hennessy & Raul Fernandez (inks) Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). A new story starts this issue. "Godwatch" starts six months after Diana left Themyscira with a corporate C.E.O. being blackmailed by Gemini twins Phobos and Deimos. The C.E.O. Veronica Cale reminds me of the old Lex Luthor. Some high tech mind melding machine goes haywire and off we go.

 Moonshine #5 - Brian Azzarello (writer) Eduardo Risso (art & colours) Cristian Rossi (colour assistant) Jared K. Fletcher (letters). There's a full moon. Let the werewolves out.

 Black Widow # 11 - Chris Samnee & Mark Waid (writers) Chris Samnee (art) Matthew Wilson (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). A S.H.I.E.L.D. facility is under attack by the Red Room Runts and Natasha makes it her mission to stop them and try to save the girls at the same time. There are some cool fights scenes in here.

 Detective Comics #950 - James Tynion IV (writer) Marcio Takara (art) Dean White (colours) Marilyn Patrizio (letters). This giant sized anniversary issue starts off with the prologue to "League of Shadows" which features Cassandra Cain, my favourite Batgirl, who is now called Orphan. The last page made me happy we only have to wait two weeks before the next issue hits the racks. In "Higher Powers" by James Tynion IV (writer) Alvaro Martinez (pencils) Raul Fernandez (inks) Brad Anderson (colours) Marilyn Patrizio (letters), Azrael and Batwing have a discussion about the power of faith and Jean-Paul's connection to the Order of Dumas. It ends with the activation of Ascalon and I'm itching to find out more about this new character. The final short by James Tynion IV (writer) Eddy Barrows (pencils) Eber Ferreira (inks) Adriano Lucas (colours) Marilyn Patrizio (letters), flashes back a few months ago to show Red Robin asking Batman what he's gearing everyone up for. This ties into what Batman is up to with his Justice League of America as well as his Detective Comics team. The big DC event of 2017 will be "Dark Days" so don't miss it.

 Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #4 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Kev Walker (pencils) Marc Deering (inks) Antonio Fabela (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). That was a quick read. Lots of explosions and storm troopers shooting and missing.

 Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #14 - Robert Venditti (writer) Rafa Sandoval (pencils) Jordi Tarragona (inks) Tomeu Morey (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). This issue has one of my pet peeves about comic books. One of the covers has Hal yelling at a Blue Lantern "You crazy fool. Your abuse of blue power destroyed every person on Earth". So a fan would see that and think "I want to read that comic book", only to find that the story inside is totally different. I hate that. Plus it's Kevin Nowlan swiping a Gil Kane cover. It's not even original. This issue is still worth reading though. The Green Lantern Corps and the Sinestro Corps are joining forces so that's new. Kyle and Hal are sent on a mission by Ganthet and that's where the Blue Lantern comes in. Just ignore the hype.

 Totally Awesome Hulk #16 - Greg Pak (writer) Mahmud Asrar (art) Nolan Woodward (colours) Cory Petit (letters). I like this impromptu team that Amadeus has found himself in. The alien invasion takes a turn for the worse as they are whisked away into space along with some civilians. If you know what Soylent Green is you'll know what the threat is.

 Action Comics #973 - Dan Jurgens (writer) Patch Zircher & Stephen Segovia (pencils) Patch Zircher & Art Thibert (inks) Arif Prianto (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). I love a good mystery and now they are going to solve the one about the human Clark Kent. Part 1 of "Mild Mannered" has Lois Lane on the case. Meanwhile, Superman and Steel try to save Superwoman/Lana Lang's life. There's plenty going on to keep this book interesting.

 Jessica Jones #5 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Michael Gaydos (art) Matt Hollingsworth (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Whoa, what an existential issue. I'm glad to see us getting back to the Alison Greene mystery woman storyline though.

 Guardians of the Galaxy #17 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Valerio Schiti (art) Richard Isanove (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Gamora grounded is an opportunity to show what she's got. Here she tries to break into the Triskelion to get at Thanos. She's sort of successful. I love the way Valerio draws Sasquatch.

 Inhumans vs. X-Men #4 - Jeff Lemire & Charles Soule (writers) Javier Garron (art) David Curiel (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). So Gorgon isn't in a wheelchair anymore? One of the things I love about reading these massive crossover events is learning about characters that I don't read about all the time. This issue made me appreciate how Jeff and Charles take the time to use the names of each character and show their super powers. They also gave the unfamiliar characters (at least to me) personalities that made them more interesting. This came close to making me want to read Inhumans and X-Men comic books again. We know that both teams survive this was because they are already promoting new books for them so now I just want to find out how they all get along or don't.

 All New Wolverine #17 - Tom Taylor (writer) Djibril Morissette-Phan (art) Michael Garland (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Did you see who's going to be in Hugh Jackman's last Wolverine movie? It's Laura Kinney/X-23, our girl right here. I'm actually excited right now. This issue tackles the problem of Laura's uncontrollable killing sprees brought on by a special pheromone. It's used when her enemies want her to eliminate their rivals. Kimura used it recently but Laura's friends arrived to save her from killing. I would have benched this book because of the art but Tom's writing made it possible for me to enjoy this issue anyways.

 Unworthy Thor #4 - Jason Aaron (writer) Olivier Coipel with Kim Jacinto (present day art) Frazer Irving (Young Thor art) Esad Ribic (Worthy Thor art) Russell Dauterman (Unworthy Thor art) Matthew Wilson, Matt Milla &  Frazer Irving (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). I loved the flashbacks showing the Odinson's history with Mjolnir as he struggles to retrieve Jarnbjorn from the Collector's collection. I can't wait to see if Jason makes the Odinson worthy of wielding a hammer again.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #131: A Quiet Half-Hour in Saigon

January, 1975

This time, the Legion of the Unliving! Which is always an embarrassment to the writers when some dead characters turn out to not actually be dead. But to be fair, how could Steve Englehart know that Steve Englehart would be bringing Wonder Man back in twenty issues?

Also, as usual, this cover is a filthy lie. As the title suggests, this issue is more about a quiet moment before the storm. The Avengers taking some time to chat it up and explore character beats while behind the scenes a foe (spoilers: its Kang again) prepares a new attack.

The cover would be more accurate if the Avengers were standing around oblivious while the Legion of the Unliving loomed behind them. And maybe the Avengers would be taking a water cooler break, standing around talking about the game.

Anyway.

Last times: Kang kidnapped several women, including one very past menopause, because one was destined to be the Celestial Madonna and have a god baby but it turned out to be Mantis and also Swordsman died and Kang literally wrestled with himself and the Avengers went to Vietnam to explore Mantis’ past some more and got into a scrum with the Titanic Three, three ex-villains who decided it would be more fulfilling to be North Vietnam’s Avengers but who will inevitably go back to villainy.

This time: I already said. Its a breather episode, of sorts.

Although we do start with Mantis KLOK!ing a mugger right in the face.

What the dude was even thinking trying to mug this particular garishly dressed group, I’ll never understand.

He seems confused that someone dressed like a bar girl is so agile. Which. This whole time, Mantis was just dressed in her old uniform? That’s a bar girl outfit? She’s been serving on the Avengers basically dressed like a cocktail waitress?

Although I guess if its okay when Zatanna does it...

Anyway, after kicking the dude, choking him, and then slamming his face into the ground, she takes a moment to angst about becoming the Celestial Madonna and that she’s unknown on the streets where she remembers growing up.

But Mantis time is over, Steve Rogers just showed up in his new Nomad identity and becomes the center of attention.

And geez, he’s the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time. He’s smiling in every panel. He just wrapped up his first case against the Serpent Squad and decided to drop in on the Avengers.

Iron Man gives him a friendly shoulder punch and tells him he’s looking great, apparently unable to remove his gaze from Steve’s exposed man cleavage.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye bemoans all the changes the Avengers have been through since Hawkeye ragequit the team. Steve is Nomad, Swordsman died, Wanda studying witchcraft. It makes him wonder where that leaves him.

Meanwhile, Kang and Rama-Tut continue wrestling through time. Rama-Tut basically being ‘geez just accept you’re going to mellow out in the future’ and Kang is more like “You cannot make me believe that I will become as soft as you! Though we fall through this void for a thousand thousand eras, I’ll yet fight on!”

Kang needs to chill.

But he doesn’t get the opportunity to either chill or fight for a thousand thousand eras because his time sphere is yanked into Limbo. No, not the Illyana Rasputin dimension.

Instead, the timeless realm of Immortus, MASTER OF TIME.

The narration wonders how a timeless place can have a sequence of events and that is a really good question.

Kang immediately gets into a dick waving contest demanding to know who Immortus is and why he thinks his name alone should impress him.

The reason this is a dick waving contest is that Kang already knows who Immortus is. He’s been spying on the Avengers since #8 and even though Enchantress retconned the entirety of issue #10, Kang still saw it happen. He says this later. He’s just being difficult.

Immortus puts Rama-Tut into an imprisonment tube and Kang decides to take the time to yell at the unconscious man. He gets really into it too while Immortus looks on at his baby tantrum and muses that Kang is most certainly a man he can use.

Meanwhile, back in Saigon. Which. I mean. Can you say meanwhile when one of the places is a timeless place? Limbo is too confusing.

Hawkeye contacts Jarvis on the handheld visio-transceiver to see if Captain Marvel returned their message yet. He has not. As I said, very busy in his own book. Even though he expected the Avengers to drop everything for an issue to be part of his big storyline, they don’t get the same courtesy.

This is why everybody prefers Monica and Carol to you, Mar-Vell.

Hawkeye then asks if Wanda can come to the screen for a quick chat but she’s sequestered with Agatha Harkness and she left strict orders that they were not to be disturbed.

And while that call is going on, Mantis approaches Vision. But not to seduce him this time.

She apologizes for her behavior toward him in the recent past. And although Vision insists there’s no need to apologize, she likewise insists yuh-huh. With the whole Celestial Madonna thing, it seems that her life is coming to a new phase and she wants to put her affairs in order for whatever happens next.

Vision tells her she’s taking this too seriously and that if anything, he was flattered. And if an android can feel that emotion, imagine what new heights she could reach!

But that’s the thing. Mantis does not want to reach new heights. She was happy as she was.

Meanwhile, everything is great for Steve Rogers! He’s very much the guy that’s finally dating again after a contentious divorce. Except in this case, its after the president of the United States committed suicide in front of him after trying to take over the country with a mutant-powered UFO.

But it feels good to put the White House scandals behind him and start again. He’s even thinking of rejoining the Avengers. After he gets that pesky Serpent Squad finished off! Ha ha ha!

There’s a lot of Steve/Tony shipping fodder in this issue.

Meanwhile again, Mantis stands on the outside looking in, admiring the spirit of adventure and camaraderie between the Avengers. She thinks of herself as a Not-Avenger but I call BS on that. She appeared in Giant-Size #1 and Swordsman didn’t. She’s at least a de facto Avenger.

Also, her Mantis senses are tingling that someone is watching her but by the time she looks, the mysterious cloaked figured from last issue who has been watching her from the roof has disappeared.

And apparently in timeless Limbo, five hours have passed while Kang yelled at his older self and only now has Immortus gotten to the point of bringing Kang here.

Also, only thirteen minutes have passed in Saigon. Remember, half-hour in Saigon is in the title.

Immortus wants Kang to help him attack the Avengers. And here Kang reveals that he did know who Immortus was all along and is familiar with his work in issue #10.

Rama-Tut, now awake but still in the imprisonment tube, tells Kang he’ll never capture the Celestial Madonna. So Kang threatens to kill him. Which is less stupid than it sounds. Killing his future self won’t affect his present self and he doesn’t want to become Rama-Tut so he’ll be glad to have himself die if he ever does.

Anyway, Kang wants to use Immortus’ ability to pluck men from any era, like he did in retconned issue #10. Except he’s going to do it smart, not dumb like Immortus did.

Immortus grants Kang power over his machines to let Kang do what Kang gonna do.

So Kang summons the Legion of the Unliving, as seen on the cover!

With a specific eye toward people with powers and people who will bring a crucial element of fear to this campaign because all these people are dead by the year 1974, which is the year the comic is in.

First, the Frankenstein Monster (Adam or The Modern Prometheus to his friends)! Because Hammer Horror is spooky.

But seriously getting into it, the next selection is WONDER MAN from the year 1964! A man whose powers were created to equal the original Avengers, who the Avengers let die, and whose brain patterns were used to create the Vision.

His appearance will cause consternation in all the Avengers but will discombobulate the Vision most of all. And that’s what’s important because the Vision will be the one most likely to remain calm and logical in this assault.

So lets double up.

The next member of the Legion will be the original HUMAN TORCH from 1954!

More like the Human-Shaped Torch or perhaps the Inhuman Torch. Since he’s a robot. But he will serve as a threat to Vision’s robot body as Wonder Man threatens his artificial mind.

For reasons that will be revealed in upcoming issues but I’ve already touched on it before.

The next selection is to match Mantis. MIDNIGHT from 1973 but also from the Master of Kung Fu #16.

He’ll be able to counter Mantis with his own martial arts. That way Mantis can be taken unharmed so that she can marry Kang and make him the ruler of the universe.

You can give Kang this. He stays on message.

Next, the GHOST from 1969 but also from Silver Surfer #8-9. He is a pirate ghost. And he was chosen because he’s double dead or something.

And last, BARON ZEMO! Died in Avengers #15. Surely a man with no powers who was dumb enough to glue a mask to his own face will aid this battle. I mean, I guess seeing him would discombobulate Captain America. If he were participating in this battle. Which he isn’t. So. Choosing Zemo is stupid. You went against your own stupid rules, Kang.

BUT ANYWAY GROUP SHOT!

Although, if the point is to confuse and terrify the Avengers, I have to wonder why he didn’t choose Swordsman for his Legion of the Unliving. Having to fight against Swordsman so shortly after watching him die would rub some major salt in the wound. Could they even raise a hand to their recently fallen friend?

These are some haphazard selections, Kang. I mean I gave you shit about Zemo but at least the Avengers have some feelings about him probably. And Wonder Man and Human Torch are inspired choices. But who are these nobodies like Midnight and the Ghost and ‘Frankenstein’? What are they to the Avengers?

Back in Saigon, Vision decides to talk to Iron Man about love. Which makes him incredibly uncomfortable. Its kind of great.

Vision confesses he finds Mantis’ presence distracting. Her recent distress and the idea that she may leave the Avengers soon have become things that tug at his thoughts. And surely Iron Man has picked up some knowledge regarding matters of the heart after all that time he has spent with his employer, renowned playboy Tony Stark.

Iron Man tries to stammer through an answer that love is different for everybody.

Realizing that the subject embarrasses him, Vision swiftly lets him off the hook and promises he will never talk about love with Iron Man again. To Iron Man’s immense relief.

Meanwhile, Mantis is still wondering about her fate and the feeling of being watched when she spots Swordsman’s ghost in the busy streets of Saigon.

Just “standing there so grim and... green.”

She tries to tell herself that its not happening. Tries to force herself to stop seeing it. But finally she breaks and runs toward the green ghost. But as she reaches the spot where he was, he is no longer.

Its now minute twenty-four of the apparently literal half hour.

Oh, and the narration assures us that Kang had nothing to do with the apparition. Which would have been a really good way to grab Mantis without the Avengers being able to stop him.

Because as we are soon to learn, with Immortus’ equipment, he can just kidnap people right to Limbo.

But Kang and Immortus are too busy discussing tactics right now. See, Kang initially wanted to just transport himself and the Legion of the Unliving to 1974 to fight the Avengers in Saigon. But Immortus talks him around to just kidnapping the Avengers to Limbo.

There is an endless maze of tunnels beneath Castle Limbo. And if Kang wishes to inspire fear and confusion in the Avengers, its a good battleground.

Its a good idea. AND THE LAST THING HE NEEDED FROM IMMORTUS!

He traps the Master of Time in an imprisonment tube.

Kang has no respect for a man that holds his attacks until an ally appears. Immortus lacks the aptitude for true warfare. And he thought Kang would consent to be a mere warlord in his court.

Immortus acts surprised at this sudden but inevitable betrayal but he really shouldn’t.

Now, twenty-eight minutes into the Quiet Half-Hour in Saigon and Cap Nomad receives a notification that the Serpent Squad has been sighted in Los Angeles. So off Nomad goes, bounding over a wall to go wrestle some snake themed supervillains. And, again, this is the happiest he’s been in a while.

And as soon as Nomad is gone and Hawkeye wonders what they’re going to do now, the Avengers are kidnapped to Limbo with a mighty KZAP!

Transported into separate locations within the labyrinth beneath Castle Limbo.

And Kang contacts them on the PA telling them they’ve defied his will for the last time and that they will die here in the Labyrinths of Limbo. And then he sicks the Legion of the Unliving on them.

And that’s the end of the story. But there are more pages in the book. The letters pages have been included! And dang but there was apparently a shipping war in the fandom back in 1974.

But the letters I’ve seen in this and recent issues seem to lean toward Vison and Mantis getting together.

One letter says that Vision and Wanda’s relationship has gone far enough. “One of the most basic beliefs of love is to eventually marry and procreate children. How can a machine return love and warmth to Wanda? How could the Vision be a father? The whole situation is unrealistic. I know this is comics, but with the realism Marvel has instilled in its books, I hope this is changed.”

Another letter argues that Vision and Mantis suit each other much more naturally than Vision and Wanda and hurls vile obscenities on anyone that disagrees. Both Vision and Mantis “exhibit magnificent control of both body and mind, they are both without a past, and both are ‘strangers in strange lands.’” And wonders why Vision even loves Wanda. I mean, sure, he can see why Wanda loves such a mysterious, brooding powerful, attractive fellow with a sexy voice. But why does Vision love Wanda? The letter writer theorizes “The Vision, thrust into a world of mature adults, is still immature in the ways of the heart. To hide his emotional adolescence, he becomes involved with a beautiful woman. More importantly, being ‘in love’ with Wanda makes him feel human. Read over the last sentence. We all know how much the Vision would like to be human. He’s somewhat resolved to the impossibility of this, but loving Wanda compensates for it.”

Another letter in last issue, wanted the love square between Wanda, Mantis, Swordsman, and Vision to end with Vision and Mantis together and was noncommittal what would happen to the other two.

Which is all funny, looking back from a perspective of Wanda and Vision being one of THE couples of Marvel to rival Hank and Jan (divorced), Scott and Jean (she died, he remarried), Peter and MJ (demonically retconned), Black Bolt and Medusa (divorced) and Reed and Sue (together but could probably use marriage therapy but there’s no therapists in the space between dimensions where Reed trapped them to rebuild the universe without running it by Sue).

Hm. Discouraging. But anyway, with the perspective looking back, its weird to realize that at one point, it wasn’t sure that Wanda and Vision would end up together, get married, have demon children, lose their demon children, get divorced, and eventually Wanda would go crazy and cause Vision to be killed by She-Hulk. Readers back then wouldn’t know that.

And its heartening, in a weird, small way, that basically fandom has never changed. People have always been over-invested in who fictional characters kissed and they will continue to always be over-invested in who fictional characters kissed.

I can only hope that the letters pages continue to be included on Marvel Unlimited so I can see how people react to upcoming events.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Giant-Size Avengers #1: Nuklo -- the Invader That Time Forgot

August, 1974

Originally there were actually three stories in this. That’s what made it giant-sized. But two of the stories were reprints from Tales to Astonish #58 and Human Torch Comics #33.

The Marvel Unlimited version only has the main Avengers story. Which makes it Above-Average-Sized Avengers.

Not much to say about the cover so lets just jump right on in.

An intruder stalks Avengers Mansion and the full force of the Avengers has assembled to confront them. Except Swordsman. He’s not here and I don’t know why. Mantis is here. Remember how she’s not a real Avenger? Me neither.

Captain America heads in first and discovers the trenchcoat fedora’d shadowy intruder messing with the chrono-module time capsule. The intruder seems glad to see Captain America but asserts that the time capsule belongs to them.

Cap doesn’t know this bozo and is peeved that he knocked out Jarvis so I guess they’re fight.

In a burst of superspeed the intruder bowls Cap over and then takes off his clothes to reveal a goofy costume. He introduces himself as the Whizzer (hah) and dodges past Scarlet Witch and Thor and then knocks over Iron Man and Mantis.

Also, Iron Man recognizes the name Whizzer as one of the Squadron Supreme but this bozo is not that clown. He’s twenty years older and jowlier.

Vision is the one who finally stops this Whizzer, in classic Vision style.

I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of Vision trolling people with his intangibility.

Anyway, Vision senses with his logical robot brain that the Whizzer did not mean to harm the Avengers and Mantis concurs.

Mantis: “No. This one sensed something about the intruder... even as the Vision did. The android and I have... much in common.”

You’re going to make Swordsman cry, Mantis.

The Avengers are starting to remember that there was a Whizzer who fought crime in the 40s as a member of the All-Winners Squad. Commie-basher Cap was on that team too. Which is why Whizzer acted like he knew Cap.

Whizzer confirms he’s the original Whizzer and then decides to tell his entire life story. Protesting that time is of the essence, he tells a lot of irrelevant details.

He tells of the All-Winners Squad, which only had three epic battles in its brief history. The All-Winners Squad had the original Human Torch and his flaming ward Toro, Namor McKenzie the Sub-Mariner, the second Captain America and the second Bucky, Miss America and the Whizzer.

Their first epic battle was against the master criminal Isbisa in All-Winner #19, their second doesn’t exist because there was never an All-Winners #20, and their final was against the Future Man from the year one million A.D.

The Future Man wanted to extermine all modern life so that his future kind could preinherit the Earth. He was a tough cookie with the power of astral image, an anti-motion ray, resurrected mummies, Madame Death (Miss America had to punch her because sexism), a time-radio, and a flying lair.

The All-Winners Squad managed to send him packing and since Captain America (50s variant) ripped wires out of an outlet marked future, the Future Man was probably sent barrelling backwards in time forever.

50s Cap don’t play.

And then the All-Winners Squad just fell apart. The robot Human Torch was buried in the desert by a crime syndicate, resurrected by an atomic test, and then disappeared again. Namor went back to the ocean, got amnesia, and got a shave from the new Human Torch. And Whizzer and Miss America got married.

Whizzer: “Glad you don’t mind marrying a man with mongoose blood in his veins, Mad.”

Miss America: “Oh, darling... I wish you’d stop telling me that story. You know I’m never going to believe it.”

But he really did get his powers from mongoose blood.

But then they retired from costumed heroics, revealed their identities to the government, and were assigned to be superpowered bodyguards on a certain nuclear project.

One that blew up in 1949. Repeatedly. Ex-Whizzer and ex-Miss America dove into the atomic inferno to shut off the reactors.

Throughout storytime, Whizzer has been looking more and more ill.

And since he wasted time recapping the history of the team when only the nuclear stuff was important, he has to skip some details now.

He says that he heard from tv about a building that collapsed and that the Avengers were there to rescue victims. How they stumbled on a time capsule that nobody would claim so they took it to Avengers Mansion.

Whizzer says that the chrono-module is his and begs the Avengers to give it to him.

But its too late. The capsule starts trembling and smoking and with a KRA-KOW!! some thing bursts out of the capsule.

Thus stands Nuklo, as he will come to be named.

And for this atomic dude wearing a v-neck thong, we get some prose. Boy do we get some prose.

“Consider this creature which stands before us: His father was Oak Ridge; his mother was Los Alamos. He gave his soul-destroying birth cry at a place called Hiroshima... and was baptized in fire and in fury at Nagasaki. His rites of passage were performed at Eniwetok, and in the trackless wastes of Siberia. All this, while he lay unknowing within the womb which was also a tomb. Yes, father has he, and mother also, and kinsmen many -- yet none to claim him as their own. He is NUKLO. But he doesn’t know it yet. Small wonder, then, that he shrieks yet a second birth cry on this first night of awareness...”

The Avengers rally forth to fight this big glowing baby while Bob Frank, the Whizzer, exclaims that Nuklo is his son! -soap opera dramatic sting-

And there’s more where that came from.

Oh, and then the Whizzer has a heart attack.

Wanda tells a recovering Jarvis to get a doctor. Even if he has to beg, borrow, or steal one. (How do you steal a doctor?)

Meanwhile the Avengers have kinda been getting their ask kicked but notice that Nuklo seems unsure whether to fight or flee and decide to see what will happen if they just don’t move.

This isn’t really a great plan. As Mantis points out, dude is radioactive radioactive. They don’t want to sit around absorbing that all day and they definitely don’t want it loosed on New York.

Thor tries to attract Nuklo’s attention by raising his hammer but whoops Nuklo punches out all four Avengers in one blow and then implodes.

When the Avengers come to, Nuklo is gone. They realize that mentally, he’s just like a child but could prove a threat to maybe the entire world. Which is less than great. They’ll have to track him down.

Chapter 2: The Child is Father to the Fiend!

So off the Avengers soar, making sure to pose for a group shot. Their advanced detection apparatus has advancedly detected three instances of high-level radiation. Any one could be Nuklo and really you should check out high-level radiation anyway, just to be safe.

So they split into three teams. Vision, Thor and Mantis, and Captain America and Iron Man. All “in search of one lone wanderer, who scars the bright face of a world he never made.”

What does that turn of phrase even mean. I know Howard the Duck is trapped in a world he never made but y’know what, so am I. So are most of us. I don’t think most people made the world.

Oh and if it wasn’t enough that each chapter gets a chapter page, each team gets a panel where their logo can appear.

THE VISION

He’s searching a recently-completed electric plant on New York’s west side.

He finds a glow issuing from the plant. And also fleeing humans. So, yup, looks like he found the nuclear nemesis.

So its technically Vision who names Nucklo because the radioactive man-child starts repeating words he hears. And has a definite fondness for saying “Nu-klo.”

Nuklo begins strangling Vision but Vision does his hand dealie, sticking it into Nuklo’s chest. Nuklo recoils in horror and pain.

Vision remarks how odd it is that a being that could stomp the full Avengers team would now be weak enough to be defeated by one.

But don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. He uses Nuklo’s newfound fear of him to herd him back towards Avengers Mansion.

Meanwhile, at Avengers Mansion. The Whizzer has been stabilized by a begged, borrowed or stolen doctor enough to talk and Wanda questions him about Nuklo.

Whizzer explains that Miss America was pregnant when they both jumped into the atomic inferno. And exposure to that radiation did something to her unborn child.

The baby was born ugly and misshapen. And also glowing. And also, a few hours after his birth, he started emitting dangerous radiation.

A doctor with bad bedside manner: “Don’t ask us how. These things... happen.”

The government decided that the best course of action was to lock the baby in suspended animation in an experimental time capsule for 25 years and build a building over the chrono-module so nobody finds it. After that time, there would be a 50% chance that Nuklo’s radiation would drop to acceptable levels.

I.... think that in hindsight, this was a shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty plan. Twenty-five years for a coin flip that the radiation would go away ended up not panning out. And besides that, half the trouble here is that Nuklo was never socialized. He hasn’t had any human contact for twenty-five years. He was never taught a thing and is learning to talk by parroting.

And it wasn’t even good suspended animation. Nuklo grew from baby size to man size. And where did he get that man-sized thong and/or pants if he was put into suspended animation as a baby?

Anyway, telling these three panels of flashback exhausts Whizzer and he passes out again.

Wanda inexplicably feels terrified of what she may hear if she keeps questioning Whizzer.

Elsewhere, THOR AND MANTIS!

They were investigating radiation readings on 5th Avenue and find Nuklo absorbing energy atop some elevated tracks.

Also, Thor swears “by the gargantuan girth of Volstagg!”

Its cool that he’s thinking of friends but geez. Its like if I said “by the sore loserism of William” when startled.

Nuklo throws a pole at them but Thor just Mjolnirs it away. And then a train hits Nuklo. Or rather he braces and forces it to a stop.

Cue panel of people inside the train falling all over the damn place.

Mantis is tired of Nuklo breaking shit so just jumps up on his shoulders and then thigh tosses him. Probably suffering bad radiation burns to her legs while she’s at it.

Also, Nuklo picks up another word for his vocabulary when Mantis says “Strength is as nothing... against skill!”

Thor notices that Nuklo seems weaker than before and cringes away as Thor twirls Mjolnir. He decides to use this to drive him back towards Avengers Mansion.

Hmm. This seems familiar.

Back at Avengers Mansion again, Whizzer wakes up again. Scarlet Wanda bites the bullet and asks him if after Nuklo’s birth whether he ever traveled to a place called WUNDAGORE!?

Whizzer is surprised that she knew where the story was going. But yeah, he and a pregnant Madeline Joyce (Miss America) traveled to Wundagore and spent some time as the High Evolutionary’s guest.

Madeline gave birth to twins that she wanted named... Pietro and Wanda?!

Oh, hey. I see what’s happening here.

The Whizzer is Wanda’s father! -soap opera dramatic sting-

Oh and also the midwife was a cow woman named Bova. Comics!

Also also, what kind of heritage did Madeline Joyce have that Pietro was her choice of name. Was she Italian?

Anyway, now time for CAPTAIN AMERICA AND IRON MAN!

They find Nuklo ripping up power lines at some power plant in Queens.

Captain America instantly jumps forward to fisticuffs with Nuklo, leaving Iron Man to shut off the power. I’m sure Iron Man is more shielded against radiation but whatever.

And then to save Cap who is getting his shoulder pinched, Iron Man blasts Nuklo with repulsors.

And hey, Nuklo learned a new word!

That brings his vocabulary to Nuklo, ne-siss, skill, and ree-pul-sar. Also, vocab is shared between the Nuklos. So there’s one linked intelligence going on.

Like the other two encounters, Nuklo now seems cowed by Iron Man. The armored Avenger decides to use that to drive him back to Manhattan.

I see where this is going.

Anyway, back at Avengers Mansion again again again. Wanda summarizes her life story for the Whizzer. How her brother and her were orphans, feared and hated because they were mutants, how Magneto took them under his protection, how they fought the X-Men but eventually quit supervillainy to become Avengers. And how she and her brother are named Wanda and Pietro.

Whizzer can’t believe it. Then again, he did leave the babies alone for several years so it sounds legit.

Okay, that sounds not great. Miss America died shortly after giving birth and in his grief, the Whizzer fled at superspeed and left the babies with the High Evolutionary.

When he came back years later, the High Evolutionary had lost track of them.

He is not a great babysitter.

Apparently years old Wanda and Pietro decided that the High Evolutionary’s world of New-Men was not their world. Instead, their world was the world that hated and feared them for being different and the world where they would fall under the sway of a terrorist.

Whizzer rests again, determined not to lose his twins again right after finding them.

Chapter 3: What HELL Hath Joined Together!

So are you ready for all of those pages of the Avengers splitting the party and fighting one-third of Nuklo to be pointless? I ammmmmmmm!

So the Avengers all herding their individual Nuklos and all end up crossing paths in an alleyway only a block away from Avengers Mansion.

The three Nuklos all fuse into one Nuklo.

One Nuklo that’s glowing brighter than any Nuklo before because all the power that the individual Nuklos absorbed has just been pooled so now this Nuklo is many times more powerful than the Nuklo that already beat up the entire team.

Womp womp.

And with a FROOOOOOOOMM Nuklo slams his hands together and creates a huge blast that scatters the Avengers.

Within the mansion, Whizzer wakes up on hearing the blast and shouts that the Avengers can’t stop Nuklo. Now that he’s free, there’s only one thing that can stop the radioactive man-child.

Shut up, Frank. What do you know? You’re not a nuclear scientist.

Anyway, despite being in recovery for a heart attack, Whizzer scoops up Wanda and runs out to the alley where the Avengers are fighting Nuklo.

He whispers something to Wanda and then collapses.

Scarlet Witch approaches the pretty dang big Nuklo conflicted. Nuklo is her elder brother (until the retcons come) and she worries that she won’t have the inner strength to do what needs to be done.

Except of course she does. Despite her modern status, Scarlet Witch is a damn fine Avenger.

With her powers, she forms a hex sphere around Nuklo. Nuklo tries to grow larger to burst from the sphere but because of that sweet sciency magic that is Wanda’s inexplicable abilities, the sphere holds strong and leeches Nuklo’s stored energy as if it were a mystic sponge. Their words.

Until finally, Nuklo falls unconscious. Defeated by the only thing that could. His kin.

Unlike those damn Summers brothers, always being immune to each other.

And because something worth doing badly is worth doing badly again, the Avengers rebuild the chrono-module with more advanced Stark technology to put Nuklo in suspended animation for another 25 years.

At my reckoning, that would mean that Nuklo would walk again in the far-off year of 1999, only a few indeterminate years taking a sliding time scale into account. But instead, Nuklo comes back in Giant-Size Avengers #6 in 1976.

Of course he goes on to be a threatening menace for a while but his excess radiation is eventually cured allowing Nuklo to live a normal life and get a GED. Unfortunately, the Whizzer doesn’t live long to see this because he has another heart attack and dies while rescuing Nuklo from old foe Isbisa.

=(

Anyway, the still alive Whizzer is taken back to Avengers Mansion so Donald Blake (secretly Thor, true believers!) can save his life with a miraculous operation.

So a few hours later when Whizzer briefly recovers consciousness again he asks Wanda one thing. “Take good care of your brother!”

So, phew. That’s Giant-Size Avengers #1. And one of the first forays into Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver’s mysterious past.

It would later be retconned. Because the one certainty of the Maximoff’s past is that it will be changed. I think Marvel should have fun with it. Change their backstory every five years. Maybe Captain America is secretly their dad, somehow.

The most popular version, of course, is that Magneto is their dad.

But at this time, it seemed that Marvel was wanting to tie the Avengers to their golden age heroes.

Captain America is Captain America, of course. Vision is not only shares a name with a golden age hero, he is later revealed to have been built from the body of the original Human Torch (shhhh spoilers). And now Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver have been revealed to be the children of golden age Whizzer and Miss America.

This trend would be completely retconned. Except for Cap, all the golden age ties would be lost. The twins would become the children of Magneto (tying their origin story into a weird knot involving a shell trick with babies). Byrne would retcon Vision’s connection to the first Human Torch.

And that’s just the nature of a long-running shared universe. Eventually someone is going to walk all over established things to try to tell a better story.

Which isn’t good or bad. Its just how things are.

But I still want to know where the hell Swordsman was during this.