#I think this is also the pride where I asked someone selling flags if they had nonbinary ones

[apoemaday]

The Hurting Kind

by Ada Limón

1.

On the plane I have a dream I’ve left half my torso on the back porch with my beloved. I have to go

back for it, but it’s too late, I’m flying and there’s only half of me.

Back in Texas, the flowers I’ve left on the counter have wilted and knocked over the glass— I stay alone there so the flowers are more than flowers.

At the funeral parlor with my mother, we are holding her father’s suit, and she says, He’ll swim in these.

For a moment, I’m not sure what she means, until I realize she means the clothes are too big.

I go with her like a shield in case they try to up-sell her— the ornate urn, the elaborate body box.

It is a nice bathroom in the funeral parlor, so I take the opportunity to change my tampon.

When I come out my mother says, Did you have to change your tampon?

And it seems a vulgar life all at once. Or not vulgar, but not simple.

I’m driving her now to the Hillside Cemetery where we meet with Rosie who is so nice we want her to work everywhere. Rosie as my dentist. Rosie as my president.

My shards are showing, I think. But I do not know what I mean so I fix my face in the rearview, a face with thousands of headstones behind it. Minuscule flags, plastic flowers.

You can’t sum it up, my mother says as we are driving and the electronic voice repeats, Turn Left onto Wildwood Canyon Road,

so I turn left, happy for the mundane instructions. Let us robot at once.

Tell me where to go. Tell me how to get there.

She means a life, of course. You cannot sum it up.

2.

A famous poet said he never wanted to hear another poem about a grandmother or a grandfather.

I imagine him with piles of faded yolk-colored paper, overloaded with loops of swooping cursive, anemic lyrics

misspelling mourning and morning. But also, before they arrive, there’s a desperate hand scribbling a memory, following

the cat of imagination into each room. What is lineage, if not a gold thread of pride and guilt. She did what?

Once, when I thought I had decided not to have children, a woman said, But who are you to kill your own bloodline?

I told my friend D that and she said, What if you want to kill your own bloodline, kill like it’s your job?

In the myth of La Llorona, she drowns her children to destroy her cheating husband. But maybe she was just tired.

After her husband of 76 years has died, my grandmother, (yes, I said it, grandmother, grandmother) leans to me and says,

Now teach me poetry.

3.

Sticky packs of photographs heteromaniacal postcards.

The war.      The war.        The war. Bikini girls, tight curls, the word gams.

Land boom. Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe. Southern Pacific.

We ask my Grandma Allamay about her mother for a form.

Records and wills. Evidence of life. For a moment she can’t remember her mother’s maiden name.

She says, Just tell them she never wanted me. That should be enough.

“Red sadness is the secret one,” writes Ruefle. Redlands

was named after the soil. Allamay can still hold a peach in her hand

and judge its number by its size. Tell you where it would go in the box

if you’re packing peaches for a living. Which she did,

though she hated the way the hairs hurt her hands.

4.

Why do we quickly dismiss our ancient ones? Before our phones stole the light of our faces, shiny and blue in the televised night,

our elders worked farms and butchered and trapped animals and swept houses and returned to each other after long hours and told stories.

In order for someone to be “good” do they have to have seen the full tilt world? Must they believe what we believe?

My grandmother keeps a picture of her president in the top drawer of her dresser, and once when she was delusional she dreamt

he had sent her and my grandfather on a trip to Italy.  He paid for it all, she kept repeating.

That same night on her ride to the hospital, she talks to the medical technician and says,

All my grandchildren are Mexican.

She says it proudly. She repeats it to me on the phone

5.

Once, a long time ago, we sat in the carport of my grandparents’ house in Redlands, now stolen for eminent  domain,

now the hospital parking lot, no more coyotes or caves where the coyotes would live. Or the grandfather clock

in the house my grandfather built. The porch above the orchard. All gone.

We sat in the carport and watched the longest snake I’d ever seen undulate between the hanging succulents.

They told me not to worry, that the snake had a name,

the snake was called a California King,

glossy black with yellow stripes like wonders wrapping around him.

My grandparents, my ancestors, told me never to kill a California King, benevolent

as they were, equanimous like earth or sky, not

toothy like the dog Chacho who barked at nearly every train whistle or roadrunner.

Before my grandfather died, I asked him what sort of horse he had growing up. He said,

Just a horse. My horse, with such a tenderness it rubbed the bones in the ribs all wrong.

I have always been too sensitive, a weeper from a long line of weepers.

I am the hurting kind. I keep searching for proof.

My grandfather carried that snake to the cactus, where all sharp things could stay safe.

6.

You can’t sum it up. A life.

I feel it moving through me, that snake, his horse Midge sturdy and nothing special,

traveling the canyons and the tumbleweeds hunting for rabbits before the war.

My grandmother picking peaches. Stealing the fruit from the orchards as she walked

home. No one said it was my job to remember.

I took no notes though I’ve stared too long. My grandfather, before he died, would have told

anyone that would listen, that he was ordinary,

that his life was a good one, simple, he could never understand why anyone would want to write

it down. He would tell you straight up he wasn’t brave. And my grandmother would tell you right now

that he is busy getting the house ready for her. Visiting now each night and even doing the vacuuming.

I imagine she’s right. It goes on and on, their story. They met in first grade in a one room school house,

I could have started there, but their story, their story is endless and ongoing. All of this

is a conjuring. I will not stop this reporting of attachments. There is evidence everywhere.

There’s a tree over his grave now, and soon her grave too

though she is tough and says, If I ever die,

which is marvelous and maybe why she’s still alive.

I see the tree above the grave and think, I’m wearing

my heart on my leaves. My heart on my leaves.

Love ends. But what if it doesn’t?

[scriv3lloirl]

My personal Little Shop LGBT Headcanons (+ random shit lol) cus it's pride n I can do whatever t'hell I want.

There are tons of microlabels listed here cus I love givin representation t' the lesser known labels out there, includin my own!!

Also I don't wanna hear shit bout how they wouldn't know what half these labels even are. I'm well aware of that, I'm jus havin fun.

tw: f-slur

enjoy n feel free t' ask questions bout my headcanons if ya want ‼️

Seymour Krelborn | he/they

- transgender (ftm)

- biromantic (fluctuatin male-n-female preference)

- nebularomantic

- asexual

- in modern day, he'd probably use nature related xenogenders

- unlabeled Seymour also works tbh. He seems like the kinda guy who'd be overwhelmed by all these labels

Audrey Fulquard | she/her

- transgender (mtf)

- either hetero or panromantic

- demiromantic

- reciprosexual caedsexual

- she wouldn't say all of this if anyone asked, though. She'd probably say she's gay as a general term, y'know?

- Whenever pride comes round, she makes these beautiful bouquets t' sell that are discreet pride flags. It looks like a bunch'a pretty colors, but nope. Secret lesbian flag.

Orin Scrivello | he/him (maybe it/its too)

- transgender (ftm)

- biromantic (hella internalized homophobia)

- hypersexual.

- aegosexual n/or fraysexual

- he keeps his sexuality n all that locked t'fuck DOWN. He got lucky cus his top scars healed beautifully n ya can't tell he even had any surgeries done.

- If anyone even mentions being gay round him, he suddenly gets very defensive. "Who t'hell are ya callin a faggot?!"

- He has no issues with gay people, he'll tell ya that straight up. But he is not one of them, y' hear? (He is.)

Gravis Mushnik | he/him

- cisgender man

- hetroflexible (biromantic)

- heterosexual

- All gay customers get a discount on flowers. (He jus says that n has Seymour put up a sign in the window for it ...There's no discount btw.)

Twoey / Audrey II | she/it

- agender

- acearo REPULSED

- please do not fuck the plant

- triple a threat.

Crystal | she/her

- cisgender female

- sapphic

- asexual

- Random headcanon, but all the Urchins are aliens (cousin Twoey.) They jus spawned into Skid Row one day n nobody questioned it.

Ronnette | she/he/them (any)

- gender non conformin (gnc)

- neptunic

- aceflux

- fem presentin.

- Chat I've seen like three productions where they have Ronnie played by a dude n it altered my brain chemistry.

Chiffon | she/her

- cisgender female

- lesbian

- acespec

- she is a man hatin lesbian.

Frank Guest | he/him

- cisgender male

- mlm

- nebulasexual + graysexual

- def. has the hots for Seymour.

Arthur Denton | he/it (that/thats)

- cisgender male

- panromantic

- homosexual

- ambiamorous

- I saw someone headcanon that he has a wife n kids n that he's jus a big ol jokester who moans in the dental chair!! I think bout that all the time.

- Nobody wants his freaky ahh.

Mrs. Mack | she/her

- cisgender female

- lesbian

- dating Mrs. Luce cus fuck you guys

Mrs. Luce | she/her

- transgender (mtf)

- lesbian

- dysphorsexual

- in a lavender marriage with Mr. Luce (aka. the editor of Life Magazine (who's a gay man)) she's actually datin Mrs. Mack

Mr. Bernstein | he/him

- cisgender male

- polymantic

- homosexual

- "Seymour, sweetheart, dollface, bubalah..." Yea. Y'ur gay.

Skip Snip | he/him

- cisgender male

- aromantic

- homosexual

- "It's nice to meet me, the pleasure is yours!" Yeah. Welcome t' Homoville buddy.

Patrick Martin | he/him

- cisgender male

- heterosexual

- homophobic.

- I don't like Patrick Martin. so he's a cishet.

Wink Wilkinson | he/him

- cisgender male

- panromantic

- asexual

- He'd be the kinda guy who'd wear "Free Hugs!" shirt at pride n give out really cringy pride stickers like "I'm a Pan-da!!" N shit t' the people he interviews on the radio. He's great.

[dragimal]

sometimes I forget my dept manager is really bigoted, until she says something completely out of left field without any prompting.

just now, she saw I was still wearing a pride flag on my name tag and was like, "y'know, I don't care abt gay ppl, they can do whatever makes them happy, but why do they get a whole month for pride?"

which is rly funny of her to say to someone wearing a pride flag, when most 'allies' in my area would not feel comfortable showing any visible support for queer ppl, so I feel like wearing one should be like. obvious. also she's seen my beard before, she knows I'm not a 'typical' chick, lmao.

but anyways, I was just gonna roll my eyes and nod along until she stopped, but then she continued like, "I mean, Blacks [quoting her, bear with me] went through hell, but where's their month, or one for any other races??"

and I just had to stop and stare at her like. did I hear that right? I would've just let her peter out on her own, but I had to stop her and let her know that there is, in fact, a Black history month. and a Spanish heritage month. and an Asian American heritage month. etc. and she was so shocked like, "what, there is??"

and like, I know that other race issues unfortunately don't get as much publicity (good or bad) as Black social issues, but I've known abt Black history month since I was a child? there were ad bumpers on popular kid's channels, there were notices at my school, etc etc. and this girl's younger than me, has she been living under a rock???

but even once I told her that, she continued like, "well, it still feels like you only get to celebrate yourself if you're gay or lesbian," and ended her spiel there.

and y'know, there's def a conversation to be had abt corporate focus on certain events, and I even explained to her that Kroger prolly (unfortunately) thinks that those other pride/history months wouldn't be profitable. tho if the only reason she didn't know abt those racial history months is bc fucking Kroger didn't sell products abt them... she's got bigger issues, lmao. and there's an even deeper conversation to be had abt white prioritization in basically any social issue, including queer pride, and how that prolly contributes to the greater focus on queer pride as something that can be white-washed and sold back to a white audience. hell, this month's disability pride, and I don't see Kroger doing shit for that.

but she framed her argument as if she really wanted to ask why there isn't a straight pride month, but recognized that admitting that is no longer considered PC, so she used racial pride months as a scapegoat. like, forgive me for not trusting my fellow white coworker's sudden 'concern' for race issues, when she didn't even know abt Black history month to begin with. and if she did, I have the sneaking suspicion she would've complained abt that too.

[snufflepup]

Sorry it took me like forever to send in another ask. I walked my ex home to her house and missed my bus so my mom had to pick me up and she beat my ass and my shoes got so worn that i had holes in them lol. Totally worth it though, cause I got time with her. Honestly I'm torn between still being with her or loving all on you, cause I mean I love her so so much despite how badly she fucked me up. Im pathetic ik, but I also have come to love you just as much :(. Also one word to sum up the southeast, HOT (kinda like you~) and the bugs are crazy. People are pretty shit, I think I live in what's called the 'Bible belt' so that's pretty fucked considering I'm trans and not straight and everyone's a dick. Though there are some good people. While walking my ex to her house, we stopped by a convenience store and tried to buy some monsters with my cashapp but it wouldn't work for whatever reason, and this nice lady at the register bought them for us^^ she was nice and pretty, I couldn't thank her enough. Though most people, especially that I go to school with, would rather beat me up than talk to me about even partner work lol. Cis boys are....not the most accepting of people like me, I've come to find haha. All the girls in my classes are two faced as shit too. I'm glad I'm able to fluster you like that, though I wish I was more...'flirtatiously adept' like milena. I'm not good with people lol. I can talk and carry a conversation, but not very good with it in terms of flow and word choice. I'm in ap lit though, so I mean it's not like I'm not a master with words or something (I actually pride myself in my ability to write despite not thinking really) its just the delivery. Like when you talk to someone you like and just go stupid lol. Idk I'm probably just rambling out of exhaustion, today was a lot for me. But I'm glad I get to come home and talk to my favorite puppy ever!^^ how's your day been? -idk if I asked that earlier or not, I'm tired lol. Ik it's around 2 am for you at the moment, are you eepy? Lol

-ike<3

It's okay ! I know that I am . Less than punctual . at times, it would be rather strange for me to get upset over it when others do the same thing, I think. That sounds pretty eventful ! I've walked so much I did the same things to my shoes, as well !! Nobody belived me, until they actually saw the holes though. I think it's okay to feel like that, but in the end you should do what is best for you in the long run but ! I know it is not always as easy as that ! I was still holding onto hope with one of my ex's for a while after . everything went down so I think I can understand that ! (｡>\\<) aaa !! I think I would simply melt if it was that hot here /dram I think I saw a video once of someone talking about it was so cold they needed a scarf for the tempreture of our hot summers a couple years ago . I was shocked . We have a lot of different types of bugs that are all year round, but I don't think they are as big as some of the ones I've heard about over there which I am thankful for, bugs can really mess with me a lot sometimes ! Bugs where a pretty big fear of mine for a while, other than like . regukar ones, like spiders, flies, lady bugs and stuff, but I think I'm a lot better with all different kinds now !! Though, my Aunt was talking about something that happened with one of he bins and maggots and I got so . fhdghsj /neg about it, Lets just say I declined seeing any pictures for a start . I think there is a good mix around where I am, I don't think there is as much hate for differences here as there is in other places but there are definitely a lot of . use of slurs, or hateful language at times, if that makes sense but I feel like I also see a lot of queer people too, when I go places at least ! Earlier I went to a anime convention this year and there was a lot of people with pride flags, selling queer things and stuff so ! But I don't . really think I could come out propperly right now either, not as transmasc at least, but thats more of my family than where I live I guess . That was really nice of her !!! I'm happy she helped you out ! Do you have a favourite flavour of monster ? I don't get it all the time, but I usually get the white or the pink one when I do !! I tried a purple-ish one once that I really enjoyed, but I haven't been able to find it since because I don't really remember looks like (◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ) I think so too . They can be really . difficult . a lot of them, from my classes when I was at school, were really not very nice. When Inwas there, I only really talked to people and my friends that I already knew. . . I didn't really get close with others, but we basically atopped talking when I left school a lot earlier than we were supposed too. I think I can be pretty bad at like . all of that stuff . I can be good at just, like, saying things sometimes, though I'm sure it's mostly nothing of value . and even then, sometimes I can be bad at that too !! I try my best though but I'm not a master at all, either ! I think ramballing is nice, so you don't need to worry ^–^ I hope today is not as overwhelming, but still as good ! or, even better !!! Has it been ? (⸝⸝๑﹏๑⸝⸝) ! I think my day was okay yesterday, it had it's ups amd downs ! Today was good though ! I was, I think I was already asleep at that time even though I tried my best not too . How has your day been ?

[mathysphere]

Okay! Lets talk patterns! I've finished revamping the PDFs for this sampler, and I want to share the changes I made--

[Image IDs: two versions of the same section of a spiral galaxy cross-stitch pattern. The one on the left has a black background and colored squares with semitransparent symbols, while the one on the right has a white background, colored squares with black or white symbols, and line numbers.]

The original Space Sampler PDF was from 2016, and though I still adore the design itself, the PDF was really showing its age (and my inexperience!).

The first version was made by hand in GIMP, and was missing a LOT of standard pattern attributes: it didn't have line numbers, center marks, or overlap shading, and the color key was only at the end of the PDF, not at the bottom of every page. For this specific pattern, the center lines and overlap shading weren't a big deal-- the box layout kept things pretty well aligned-- but having to flip over to the key every time got very annoying.

Also, all the symbols were overlaid at about 50-75% opacity; this worked fine for me, the person who'd designed the thing and already knew which colors went where, but I imagine it'd be very annoying for someone with poor eyesight trying to differentiate everything.

[Image ID: a pixelated row of a cross-stitch key. An 'M'-shaped symbol is labelled 'Red, 900']

Another big change: when I made this pattern I didn't know that DMC threads had official color names, so I just made up some. For example, in the original pattern DMC 900, "Burnt Orange Dark" is referred to simply as "Red".

All of those changes-- the color names, grid numbers, overlap shading, etc.-- were possible to fix because I now own some specialty pattern-making software*, but I didn't use to. I'm certain there were free versions around back then, but I didn't even know to look for them. So I think I did... alright, I suppose, for what I knew!

The other BIG change: there's a Pattern Keeper version now! I'm slowly trying to update all the full-stitches-only patterns to have Pattern Keeper versions. The Pride Flag Planets all do, and the two most recent dinosaurs, and a bunch of others.

Final change: the original pattern asked people not to sell stitched versions without permission, but I've changed my mind on that. Here's the new text (under the header of 'things you can do with your pattern'):

[Transcription: Sew up a sampler and sell it at a craft show, or a bazaar, or online— but only in small, individual quantities (fewer than 100 stitched copies), and only with credit given to the artist.]

This is the permission I want for all my patterns, so as I update older patterns I'm adding this text in, too. If you'd like to stitch any of my stuff for a craft fair, or an auction, or Etsy, you officially have my blessing.

If you've ever bought the Space Sampler (ever! from 2016 - now) and would like a copy of the new files, shoot me a message on Etsy and I'll send them your way, no questions asked.

Thanks for reading! Here's to another seven years of stitching. :)

*For this one, WinStitch! WinStitch and I have an occasionally-turbulent relationship, but right now we're all good. Great software, a billion features, and Jeff the creator is super nice. 👍

The last photos I took of the Space Sampler were seven years ago... a lot has happened since 2016, but my first pattern still holds a special place in my heart :)

[space sampler tag here] [pattern here]

[a-heart-like-a-sparrow]

February 14th, 2024 - I wasn't alone after all

──────────────────────────────

Woke up at 2 PM

Ate some cheese

I hung out with my mother after all

──────────────────────────────

•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••

Yeah, I went out with my mother to get something to eat and we drank lemonade. It was great. I wore a pair of white pants I had bought a few weeks ago. I kinda like them, I don't know.

We also bought a blue notebook that my school asked us to get. It was weird because it'd always been red. It seems to be that they assigned a colour for each course.

We then visited a shoe shop to see if they had a pair of sneakers we liked. They didn't have in my size, but they'll have some more soon.

And I saw a little table where someone was selling pride bracelets. Like pieces of fabric with the colour of different flags and a piece of metal to connect both sides. I've got two for the non-binary and trans flags, and I saw this person putting some asexual ones, too.

I wanted one... but I decided not to. So I don't rush into this new discovery.

Because I'm not even sure about all this anyway.

Speaking of asexual, I have only 5 or 10 chapters left to read from "Loveless". I think I'll read everything now if there are 10 chapters. I don't want to wait anymore.

I think the next book I'll get is "Radio Silence"... by Alice Oseman, too. I love her. And "Loveless" is a very important book for me right now. Thank you, Alice, for existing.

I was happy today. I ended up getting quite sleepy, but I enjoyed it. I love my mother, even if we fall out sometimes. She's just trying her best.

Ahh, I'm so happy. With my tart, my music, and my little horror videos. I could smile a bit today.

Rest well. Smile, you deserve it.

•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••

PS: OH YEAH, THE KATE BUSH SONGS:

50 Words for Snow - from 50 Words for Snow, 2011

Don't Push Your Foot on the Heartbrake - from Lionheart, 1978

Night Of The Swallow - from The Dreaming, 1982

Breathing - from Never for Ever, 1980

Under Ice - from Hounds of Love, 1985

James and the Cold Gun - from The Kick Inside, 1978

Also, happy Valentine's Day. I know it's already ended, but I hope you had a great time with those you love: your partner(s), family, friends, pets, or even yourself! Rest well <3

[isleofgont]

The Hurting Kind by Ada Limón

1.

On the plane I have a dream I’ve left half my torso on the back porch with my beloved. I have to go

back for it, but it’s too late, I’m flying and there’s only half of me.

Back in Texas, the flowers I’ve left on the counter have wilted and knocked over the glass— I stay alone there so the flowers are more than flowers.

At the funeral parlor with my mother, we are holding her father’s suit, and she says, He’ll swim in these.

For a moment, I’m not sure what she means, until I realize she means the clothes are too big.

I go with her like a shield in case they try to up-sell her— the ornate urn, the elaborate body box.

It is a nice bathroom in the funeral parlor, so I take the opportunity to change my tampon.

When I come out my mother says, Did you have to change your tampon?

And it seems a vulgar life all at once. Or not vulgar, but not simple.

I’m driving her now to the Hillside Cemetery where we meet with Rosie who is so nice we want her to work everywhere. Rosie as my dentist. Rosie as my president.

My shards are showing, I think. But I do not know what I mean so I fix my face in the rearview, a face with thousands of headstones behind it. Minuscule flags, plastic flowers.

You can’t sum it up, my mother says as we are driving and the electronic voice repeats, Turn Left onto Wildwood Canyon Road,

so I turn left, happy for the mundane instructions. Let us robot at once.

Tell me where to go. Tell me how to get there.

She means a life, of course. You cannot sum it up.

2.

A famous poet said he never wanted to hear another poem about a grandmother or a grandfather.

I imagine him with piles of faded yolk-colored paper, overloaded with loops of swooping cursive, anemic lyrics

misspelling mourning and morning. But also, before they arrive, there’s a desperate hand scribbling a memory, following

the cat of imagination into each room. What is lineage, if not a gold thread of pride and guilt. She did what?

Once, when I thought I had decided not to have children, a woman said, But who are you to kill your own bloodline?

I told my friend D that and she said, What if you want to kill your own bloodline, kill like it’s your job?

In the myth of La Llorona, she drowns her children to destroy her cheating husband. But maybe she was just tired.

After her husband of 76 years has died, my grandmother, (yes, I said it, grandmother, grandmother) leans to me and says,

Now teach me poetry.

3.

Sticky packs of photographs heteromaniacal postcards.

The war.      The war.        The war. Bikini girls, tight curls, the word gams.

Land boom. Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe. Southern Pacific.

We ask my Grandma Allamay about her mother for a form.

Records and wills. Evidence of life. For a moment she can’t remember her mother’s maiden name.

She says, Just tell them she never wanted me. That should be enough.

“Red sadness is the secret one,” writes Ruefle. Redlands

was named after the soil. Allamay can still hold a peach in her hand

and judge its number by its size. Tell you where it would go in the box

if you’re packing peaches for a living. Which she did,

though she hated the way the hairs hurt her hands.

4.

Why do we quickly dismiss our ancient ones? Before our phones stole the light of our faces, shiny and blue in the televised night,

our elders worked farms and butchered and trapped animals and swept houses and returned to each other after long hours and told stories.

In order for someone to be “good” do they have to have seen the full tilt world? Must they believe what we believe?

My grandmother keeps a picture of her president in the top drawer of her dresser, and once when she was delusional she dreamt

he had sent her and my grandfather on a trip to Italy.  He paid for it all, she kept repeating.

That same night on her ride to the hospital, she talks to the medical technician and says,

All my grandchildren are Mexican.

[enderpearlgirl1005]

Cursed House

Chapter 2 Seeing.

(A week later)

Tina was heading into town with a list of groceries in her hand. Her mother asked her to go out into town and get some food for the house as they were running out. As she was walking she bumped into someone, she looked up and saw that it was Alex.

"Oh hey Alex how are you doing?" Tina asked.

"I'm doing fine, I just came out to do some clothes shopping with my friends." Alex explained.

"Oh okay, I'm just out getting some food. My mom would've done this, but she and my dad are busy setting up the new house." Tina explained.

"Ah I understand that place is really big so you all might be busy with that for a while." Alex explained.

"Yeah... I'm still surprised they got it at such a cheap price." Tina explained.

"Well for as long as I've been living here you'd know why it's so cheap." Alex said.

"Why's that?" Tina asked curiously what he meant.

"It's because anyone who moved into that house resold it a few months after." Tina heard a girl say from behind Alex. Just then two girls emerged from behind Alex.

One of them was as tall as Alex but an inch taller. She had long blond hair that was dyed light blue half way up at the ends. She was wearing a light blue tank top and a blue plad colored long skirt. She had a few bags in her arms and was wearing cyan sunglasses as it was pretty bright outside today.

The other girl was a bit shorter than Alex; she went up to the halfway point of his chest. She had a cute baby face, had a bit of weight on her, but in a cute small girl way her hair was cut into a small bob, and it was brown with a bit of pink dyed at the bottom. She was wearing magenta overalls that flowed down into a skirt at the bottom. She was also wearing a pink shirt underneath and rose colored shoes. She too was wearing sunglasses but they were pink and the lenses were heart shaped.

"Hello I'm Tambrey and this little pink girl here is my friend Anissa." Tambrey explained.

"Oh hello I'm Tina it's nice to meet you both." Tina explained.

"It's nice to meet you as well Tina! I was hoping we'd meet you soon! Before your family ended up moving away like all the other families who ever lived in that house." Anissa explained sadly.

"Wow wow back up! What are you talking about? Why would my family move out of the house we just bought?" Tina asked.

"It's better for us to explain in a more private place, like the park. Why don't we help you out with your shopping and we can talk about your house's history with some ice cream." Tambrey explained.

"Um... okay I'm not getting much anyway, just some cheap microwavable foods till my parents have the money for proper ingredients for meals." Tina explained.

"Understandable, moving to a whole new town isn't cheap, it's pretty expensive, I should know my mom works in that kind of field with families moving." Anissa explained.

"Okay well thanks for offering to help." Tina said as she, Alex, Tambrey, and Anissa all went into the store.

Tina went into the frozen meals section and grabbed easy ready made meals that both she and her parents would eat. Alex meanwhile grabbed some fruits so Tina and her family could have some proper healthy things to eat. Anissa got some sweets that she saw were on sale, she thought that Tina and her parents would like to have some sweets, and she also wanted some herself. Tambrey meanwhile was just browsing through some items in the store, till she noticed something that piqued her interest.

"Hey guys, come over here I found something I think you all will like!" Tambrey called out.

The others all came over to where they heard Tambrey and saw her standing next to a pride stand that was selling different pride flags and badges.

"Ohh! I love pride!! Do they have any Polysexual flags or badges?" Anissa asked.

"Yeah and hey they have some transgender ones for me." Tambrey said.

"I don't know, I'm just hoping they have one for me." Alex said.

Tina went up to the stand and looked around for a badge for her, but she didn't want them to see the badge she would pick up. Tina saw Alex picking up a badge and a flag that represented gender fluid. He put the badge on and smiled with it on. Tina just looked back at the counter and soon she found what she was looking for.

A non-binary badge she smiled as Tina was non-binary, she or they never always felt like they were a full girl or even a boy. So they looked around the internet for answers on why they felt that way and they found non-binary.

After that Tina understood themselves much better, while they did like she/her pronouns they/them were their preferred pronouns. However they still didn't come out to their parents yet as Tina was scared of how they would react towards their gender identity so they kept quiet.

"Hey Tina you good?" Alex asked.

"Um... yeah I'm fine." Tina excused.

"Okay well let's wrap this up and head out for ice cream!" Anissa exclaimed excitedly.

Once they were done with their shopping the four went up to the counter to pay for their items. As they were paying Tina looked around and saw a woman, a child, and a man standing around some pudding samples.

"Mommy, what kind of pudding did Daddy like?" The child asked.

Tina was confused by this as they could see the possible father standing right behind the child. So they wondered why the child was asking his mother and not his father.

"Oh sweetie your father always liked the chestnut pudding, whenever we had it both him and your uncle would fight over the last one left hehe, it was so funny." The woman said.

"Hehe yeah I remember that, oh how I wish I could relive those days again." The man said.

Tina then noticed a gold and white glowing aura around the man as he smiled down on the child and the woman. He then went up to the two of them and embraced them in a hug as they grabbed some chestnut pudding.

"Hey Tina you good?" Alex asked.

"Huh?? Oh Yeah I'm good just noticed a strange aura around the father of that family over there." Tina explained.

Alex looked over to where Tina was pointing and his face turned to confusion as all he saw was the mother and child but no father.

"Tina, what are you talking about? It's just the mother and kid. I don't see any father." Alex explained.

Tina looked back and the man was now looking at her with a shocked look on his face. He then walked, or floated up to her and made direct eye contact with her.

"Can you see me?" The man then asked, sounding shocked.

Tine not knowing what to do just nodded giving the man his answer. He smiled as no one else could see aside from Tina apparently. The mother and child then started walking away so the man followed them, but not before waving goodbye to Tina. Tina just lightly waved back before going back to the counter to pay for her items.

(Later)

Tina and her new friends were sitting in the park with icecreams in their hands. Tina was looking around for any other stage looking people. Thankfully Tina didn't see anyone with strange auras around her and she's kinda glad as what happened in the store freaked her out.

"So What were you all talking about earlier related to my family's new home?" Tina asked.

"Well whenever any family moved into that house, they would say that strange things would happen to them inside. Later on they would move out and wouldn't tell anyone why they were leaving." Tambrey explained.

"That's very odd." Tina said.

"Yeah some folks around here even started betting on who would stay forever or if they would once again move out." Anissa explained.

"Hm well knowing my parents they wont leave this new home that easily." Tina explained.

"Well only time will tell... hey I gotta go now my mom is going to need me home soon to care for the house as her and dad are going out." Alex explained.

"Okay I need to head home too, I'm working on a bit of a summer project." Tambrey explained.

"Same here but I just want to go home to take a nap." Anissa said.

"I just need to help out with more unpacking and organizing the house." Tina said.

"Well I guess we'll all see each other around, later guys." Alex said before getting up and heading home with his ice cream.

The other girls all said their farewells and headed back home. As Tina walked home they started noticing other people with strange gold and white auras around them. However no one else seemed to be able to see them but them which made them kinda scared.

"Ahh young child, looks like you're the new girl who moved into town, am I correct?" Tina heard a calm old voice say.

They looked over and saw an old woman in strange clothing sitting in a tiny shop, with a crystal ball on the counter in front of her.

"Um yes that's me who are you?" Tina asked curiously.

"I'm Azula and I'm the psychic in town, if you want I can read you your future and see if you have any special abilities." Azula explained.

"Hmm sure why not I've got nothing better to do aside from unpacking." Tina said as they sat down and gave Azula her hand.

"Now child, let's see what your future holds... hmm I see you'll make wonderful friends here, Oh and what's this? Your third eye has fully awaken and from what I can see, you're now able to see ghosts like me, oh how wonderful!" Azula exclaimed, happy for Tina.

'So is that why I've been seeing people with strange auras around them? Their ghosts, that would explain what happened back at the store.' Tina thought to themselves.

"Now let's see what else the future holds for you." Azula said as she read Tina's palm again.

As she did her face turned from curiosity and excitement to seemingly dread and fear. When Tina saw that they got concerned and scared as to what Azula was seeing.

"Oh dear that's not good, oh no my dear you're in very grave danger!" Azula exclaimed with worry.

"Why am I in danger?" Tina asked about concern.

"It's *cough* I-it's *Cough- Cough*" Azula started coughing violently.

It got so bad that she started sputtering up blood which horrified Tina and anyone else who saw it.

"SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" A person in the crowd screams in a panic.

Tina meanwhile didn't know what to do as Azula started coughing more and more blood came out as she did so.

"Miss I need you to step aside, I'm a doctor so let me help until the ambulance arrives!" A man said.

Tina did what he said and got up to let him take care of Azula till an ambulance could arrive at the scene. After five minutes an ambulance arrived and Azula was loaded onto it. Tina, horrified by what just happened, decided to head straight home and not get distracted by anyone or anything else.

(Later)

Tina arrived home and when they went in they were greeted by their parents. They were still a bit shaken by what happened in town but hid it pretty well.

"Hey Tina you were out for a while, is everything alright?" Angelico asked.

"Yeah, just meet some of the kids in the neighborhood." Tina explained.

"Well isn't that wonderful! Hey Tina we have some boxes that we need you to take upstairs to the attic think you can do that?" Angelica asked.

"Sure I'll just leave the groceries here for you and dad to take care of while I deal with the box's." Tina said as she put the bags down and took off to take care of the box's.

However Tina made sure to take the non-binary badge with them so their parents won't become suspicious. Once Tina was upstairs they saw the box's their parents were telling them about.

"*sigh* Let's get this over with." Tina said as they started collecting the box's and bringing them up to the attic.

When Tina got up to the attic with the first box they couldn't help but feel like someone was watching them. They shrugged and placed the box's in the old dusty attic that was filled with cobwebs. Tina looked around and found a clearing that was enough for the box's.

The attic had many old items in it, some of them were rather normal items from the olden days when their grandma was a child and some rather strange items. Tina placed the box down and went back down to continue getting more and more box's. After a while they were done with the task they were about to go down stairs and to their room when a book caught their attention.

They saw a book that said maledicta et carmina on its front cover, Tina was a bit confused by the title as they couldn't understand what it meant.

"Strange, I wonder what language it is?" Tina asked as they took the book and blew some dust off it.

"Hmm, maybe one of my old friends knows what it is." Tina said to themselves.

They went down the ladder and back to their room, not even noticing the dark looming figure watching them from the shadows.

(Later that night)

Tina was in their room looking through the internet on their laptop when they heard their mom calling out for them.

"Tina dear, I need you to take out the trash for me real quick!" Angelica called out.

"Okay mom, be there in a sec!" Tina called out.

They then went down stairs and saw the trash their mother wanted them to take outside.

"Hey Dear you'd like any of the frozen dinners you brought home?" Angelico asked.

"No thanks dad, I'm not hungry right now, maybe later." Tina replied.

"Okay if you change your mind just go one and take one." Angelico said as he took one of the dinners and heated it up.

Tina just smiled before going back to a neutral look and heading out to take the trash out. Tina picked up the bag before heading out the door and going to the trash can outside near the sidewalk. It was rather dark out and there was no one on the streets. Tina walked up to the old trashcan and threw the bag in and placed the lid right back on the can.

When they looked up they were horrified by what they saw standing in front of them. Standing right infront of Tina was a large ghost with a black and blue aura around it. It had a deformed face with no eyes, its mouth wide open revealing it barely had any teeth that were black and yellow.

It leaned down to Tina and asked in a ghastly haunting voice "Can you see me?"

Tina, terrified by the ghost, decided to pretend she couldn't see it and act normal as they felt like something bad would happen if it knew they could see it. So with a straight face Tina turned around and walked back to her house. The ghost then left upon seeing this disappointed thinking that Tina couldn't see it.

When Tina got back inside they let out a sigh of relief as they now felt safe now. They started wondering why the spirit had that aura around them when all the other ghosts they saw had nicer holy auras around them.

"Tina, are you alright you look spooked?" Angelica asked, worried about her child.

"Y-yeah I'm fine it's just dark outside right now and I thought I saw something." Tina lied.

"Okay well as long as you're alright that's all that matters." Angelica said before resuming what she was doing.

Tina sighed and went back upstairs to her room to change into their pajamas like they always do at 9 Pm. When Tina got to their room they once again saw the same blanket from the previous night laying on their bed once again.

"What the? Why is this here again?" Tina asked themselves.

Just then Tina then heard a ghostly voice of a young frail boy say "It'll protect you from him for now during the night."

Tina turned around and saw a ghostly boy with the same aura as the one she saw outside. This one looked like a young boy no older than eleven years old, he was looking down avoiding eye contact with them.

The boy was wearing what looked to be old fashion clothing, similar to what her grandmother would have worn when she was a child, possibly even older. The boy looked very skinny and frail as he hadn't eaten anything for a long time, their was also a hole in his chest where his heart was meant to be. Along with that Tina noticed that his entire right leg was sliced off and black ghostly blood was dripping from it.

Tina, scared again, just pretended that they didn't see it and turned back to her bed, only to be met with another ghost. This time it was a tall man who also wore old fashioned clothes.

However Tina noticed that there was a rope tied around the man's neck and his fingers were bloody and raw like he tried to get something off. The ghost then leaned down to Tina's height and they were able to see its lifeless eyes.

It then said "Leave now! We know you can see us so, unless you want your soul to be cursed and be trapped here with us. We won't allow him to have his final sacrifice and accomplish his evil goals, so get out NOW!"

The ghost then left the room leaving Tina alone with the ghost boy and now terrified for her safety.

"Don't worry about him, he won't hurt you. Like me he's been trapped here for a long time, but he is right, the big scary man will use you as his last sacrifice and you'll end up being trapped here like the rest of us. It'll be better off if you and your family all leave not just this house but this town all together. It's all cursed by him!" The ghost boy said before he left as well.

Once they were gone Tina collapsed to the ground with fear coursing through their veins. They could feel their heart racing as they didn't know what the ghosts meant but they felt like it wasn't good in the slightest. Tina however managed to compose themselves and started changing into their black summertime pajamas with ghosts decorating the cloth.

Once they were done changing Tina went into the bathroom to brush their teeth and wash their face. However she was cautious while going through the house as the two encounters with the ghosts scared the daylight out of them.

When they got to the bathroom door they were cautious when opening it. However they wanted to finish their nightly routine before going back to their room to watch something and go to bed. So Tina just swiftly opened the door and turned on the bathroom light. When they did they didn't see anyone in the bathroom much to their relief.

Tina sighed before going into the bathroom and finishing their nightly routine. Tina first started brushing their teeth so they got out her black electric toothbrush that had ghosts decorating it as well. They then got some toothpaste out, put it on the toothbrush and began brushing their teeth.

After they were done they raised their mouth and tooth brush off before starting to wash their face. As they were washing their faces Tina couldn't help but feel like there was someone behind them.

So when they looked up to see if there was someone behind them they were horrified to see a girl with long black hair standing behind them. The girl had the same ghostly aura as the previous two did and she looked like she was totally soaked in water.

"Please leave, if you stay he'll kill you, his spirit still remains in these walls, there's only so much we can do for you but for your own sake leave now!" The ghost girl said with worry in her voice before leaving the bathroom.

Tina was once again terrified but confused by what they meant, however they just hurried up and finished washing their faces before leaving the bathroom. Tina went back to their bedroom and laid down on their bed before getting their laptop out and scrolling through videos to watch.

Tina soon came across a horror film and was about to click on it, however thinking about the current encounters they had with the ghosts they decided to play an action movie. Tina then scrolled again till they came across what they wanted and started watching the movie.

However what the ghosts said to them was very confusing and they couldn't help but wonder what they meant by what they were talking about.

[saucepanguy]

thinking about the oreos employee that tried to hand me she/her oreos at pride again. lock me in a room with them today ill maul them

[anotherkilroy]

Disclosure

Disclosure was just plain annoying. No, it wasn’t dangerous, but that didn’t change the fact that people were ignorant. Going online seemed like the better option, except all the mainstream dating apps asked “M or F” at the very beginning, and the queer ones that didn’t had nice folks about two hundred miles north of where they lived. So they sat at the bar, wondering if they would get the luxury of fucking someone they didn’t have to explain all of gender theory to.

Only once had they tried not saying anything. They’d gotten pretty far–naked, the guy thrusting erratically, before putting his hand on their chest and asking, “Who’s a good girl?” Their genitals went straight from lux aloe vera to a prickly, unyielding desert cactus. 

So it was better to just speak up and weed them out before anyone got naked. Occasionally they were slutty and desperate enough to try and convince the guy that it wouldn’t make him gay: good pussy is good pussy. This strategy worked best when the guy was also slutty and desperate. The sex was usually quick, a little awkward, but at least it was something.

They sometimes wished they didn’t like sex so much. Then they wouldn’t have to put up with this shit. But, despite their best efforts, they did, and in all the ways they felt they shouldn’t, too. They liked hands groping their breasts and warm, wet lips on their nipples. They liked the sting of initial entry, and the way cocks felt when they reached deep inside. No dysphoria. They knew all the straight men who fucked them just saw a woman, and it wasn’t worth the trouble to change that.

They nursed their beer. Maybe they should just go home. Dildos weren’t the same as a warm body on top of them, but at least they’d do the job without explanation.

Their eyes flitted when they heard the stool scrape the cement floor. The man swallowed and clasped his hands together on the counter. His lips moved, but Jude heard nothing: then the bartender put whiskey in front of him.

Jude instantly felt less alone. They weren’t the only one who’d gone straight from work to the bar. They had almost gone home to change, maybe increase their chances by putting on something more femme or at least neutral, but then the thought had made them sick. What happened to pride? They had fought to wear this to work; they might as well wear it to get laid. 

They tried to think of what they wanted to say to him. Compliment his clothes? No, men don’t respond well to that. Ask him if he just got off work. There. They cleared their throat.

“I like your tie.”

They blinked and looked over. “Oh. Thank you.”

He nodded. “You just get off work?”

He’d stolen their line. They cleared their throat again. “Yeah. I’m a paralegal… you?”

“I sell water coolers.” He sipped his drink, his fingers tapping the glass restlessly. “What kind of legal stuff?”

“Car accident settlements, mostly.”

“You like it?”

They shrugged. 

He snickered. “Makes money?”

“Yeah. I like that about it.”

“I bet.” He sipped his drink in the smallest increment. Jude waited for him to say something creepy. Instead: “Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure buys security.”

They raised their eyebrows. “That’s the truth.” They scanned his fingers, and found no wedding band.

“Does it ever get sad? Working with car accidents?”

They thought about the toddler who had died a month ago. “...sometimes.” They wanted to ask about his work, but couldn’t find a good question to ask about water coolers.

“That sucks.” The gravity of his question seemed to hit him. He switched topics. “What’s your tie pin?”

It was the non-binary flag. They wore it for visibility’s sake: for the off chance that someone would see it, recognize it, and know that they weren’t alone. The non-binary flag was a good choice, because it was less known than the trans flag, so the only people who recognized it were either allies or non-binary themselves. Besides, trans made people resort to using “he”, so the non-binary flag it was. People didn’t usually ask about it; just assumed it was queer and that Jude was a lesbian. So much for visibility.

Jude bit their lower lip and silently exhaled through their nose. “...I’m non-binary. I’m not a man or a woman.”

He blinked at them. Jude waited for him to politely excuse himself to the restroom, then not come back for the rest of the night. He seemed like the type.

“Oh. Interesting.”

Jude felt a vague annoyance at the word interesting, like they were a neat little science fact one could read from a listicle online. They bit the inside of their cheek. “...So I use they/them pronouns.”

“Alright. What do you do in your spare time?”

They blinked, unsure if he had heard them. Jude was used to this: to people nodding along like they knew, unhearing and uncaring, and so not thinking twice about the inevitable she.

“...Not much. I read a lot.”

“I play a mean banjo.” 

“You… what?”

“Thinking about starting a one man band. Or a Britney Spears cover band.”

“A what now?” They couldn’t stop from grinning, delight and confusion winning over. Did they just hear him right?

They had. “Toxic was always a country song.” 

They rolled their eyes. “Oh my god. No!” 

He laughed. He had a good laugh: childish, unashamed of his own joy. They grinned back at him. He wasn’t exactly hot, but they weren’t exactly picky, either. ...

If he wasn’t going to say anything about the body hair or the binder, he was at least going to say something about their cock. They had forgotten about it. They’d never worn it to a hookup before, but there it was, brushing against his thigh while they made out. 

They pulled away, trying to decide if they should explain it to him. The binder had been taken off without comment, although he had watched with bright, curious eyes. He grabbed their chin and kissed their neck, their bare chests pressing into each other. They settled on not saying anything, determined not to apologize for it, to keep their dignity.

He surprised them by getting down on his knees. He kissed the bulge, smiling up at them as he fiddled with their belt. The dick fell to the floor with the rest of their clothes. They spread their legs.

And for a brief second they considered asking. They didn’t mind words like cunt or pussy, but maybe, via request, he could also call it their dick, something they called it themselves but never heard from anyone else. 

His mouth latched on, his tongue slicking through their folds. He moaned, enjoying himself. They gasped, their fingers twisting through his hair, and all words and requests fell away. 

...

“What was that word you used?”

Their head was full of dopamine. They giggled, curled into his shoulder. “What word?” Some Adult Swim show played on TV, the animation crude but colorful.

“That flag you had on your tie.”

“Oh.” They wrapped an arm around him, curling onto his chest. “Non-binary?”

“Yeah. Not a man or a woman.” He nodded. “I can dig it, I can dig it.”

“Groovy.” They chuckled.

“Funky.” He offered. They closed their eyes. He smelled so clean. His chest hair tickled their cheek. “Are there a lot?”

“A lot of what?” They’d cum so much they felt worn out and sleepy. Damn, he was good in bed. They had to get his number to do this again.

“A lot of you. Apparently there’s a whole word for it, so…”

They lazily opened their eyes. “Yeah. Well, no one really looks for us, so we’re kind of invisible, but yeah, there’s a lot of us out there. More than you’d think.”

“Cool.” They felt him nod. “Groovy. I can dig it.”

They didn’t laugh, so he went quiet. A character cursed on the screen. Jude wasn’t finding the excessive use of fuck funny. They rested against him, their eyelids heavy.

“Have you always known?”

They forced their eyes open. “...I’m not sure how to answer that.”

“Sorry, sorry. I just… I just wanna know, like, how would you know?”

They looked up at him. His face was earnest, honest. “Everything just kinda… falls into place.”

“Oh.” His eyes darted away, then turned back to them. “So you’d know, like, instantly?”

“I mean,” they shifted, propping their back up against the bed frame, “it took me some time to figure it out, I guess. Play with it a bit until it felt right.”

He nodded, adamantly. “Oh. Okay.” Then his eyes darted back to the wall, and he shivered, despite being underneath the blanket and despite the warm body curled against him. He bit his lower lip. “...Can I show you something?”

“Um.”

“I’m sorry. It’s dumb. It’s really dumb. Let’s… I can get you an uber home, if you want. I’m sorry for making it weird.”

They blinked several times at him. “You can go ahead and show me.” They hoped they wouldn’t regret this sentence. Maybe he was going to show them something creepy, like a jar of human teeth. Or maybe he had a poop fetish. Wait, what if he had a wife or girlfriend or something? 

He lifted a finger, then ran out the room. They sat on the bed, secretly planning an escape route, until he came back less than a minute later with a plastic bag.

“I… I’ve never used it… I don’t know how.” 

They gazed up at his outstretched hand, and reluctantly take the bag. It was going to be teeth, after all. They looked inside, prepared for the worst. They saw a case and a black tube. Confused, they took it out and laid it on the bed. 

Realization shot through them. It was makeup–cheap, dollar store makeup. They looked up at him, and he bit his lower lip.

“I haven’t… looked at any of the tutorials… I, you know, I thought maybe this was just a weird fetish, or something, because I…” he scratched through his hair, “I know I don’t wanna be a woman, like I even looked up what estrogen does and I just… knew it wasn’t… like I didn’t want to… but then I felt weird, because why would I even look something like that up in the first place, it didn’t make any sense… I’m sorry.”

It’s an awkward array of things. Foundation that looks a shade too light for him. Eyeshadow with a brush too big. Bright red lipstick, the hardest shade to pull off well. Even nail polish, but there’s no clear coat. 

They feel the words spilling out of their lips before they’re really aware of it. “Do you want me to do your makeup?”

He looks down at the bed, at the various cosmetics, and back at them. He gives a small nod, then creeps into the bed like it isn’t his.

“Alright… stay still. Close your eyes, but don’t scrunch them. I’ll…” they look around, “do you have any cotton swabs?”

He shook his head. “...sorry.”

“We’ll see if my finger works.” At that moment they’re overly aware that the two of them are still completely naked. It must be nearly midnight by now. They dab their fingerprint into the eyeshadow, and gingerly try to press it into his eyelid. It half works. They suddenly feel pressure to do a good job and to make him look pretty. Maybe it’ll encourage him.

He clears his throat and shivers again. “...and can you do me a favor?” He digs his teeth into his lower lip, and tries to hide his shame. “...can you… can you just try and call me… they…?”

They think of all the people who don’t see the tie pin, and of all the people that they have to overexplain everything to, and of all the men who’ve fucked them and only saw a woman on the sheets. 

They smile. “I’m doing their makeup right now. They’re going to look so beautiful when I’m done.”

Jude watches their face light up, and somehow, it all feels worthwhile. 

[pronouncingitwang]

jon, melanie, and georgie friendship | 1.5K words | basically just. how jon finds out melanie’s bi | for the @jonsimsbipride prompt “solidarity”

“Martin? Are you still there?” Georgie calls from the couch at a volume that makes Jon wince.

Martin’s fallen asleep on the loveseat, his face smushed into the arm of the chair as he snores. For the last few minutes, Jon has been looking at the rise and fall of his chest with something resembling awe. Even a year after the world began again, Jon finds it difficult to believe that they’re safe, that he can just watch Martin without needing to watch over him.

“Pretty sure those are his snores I’m hearing right now,” says Melanie, and Georgie whispers a quick apology.

Recovery has been hard, but being roommates with the Qing-Barkers helps, at least sometimes. Georgie described their shared living situation as “living in group therapy” on more than one occasion, which is true on hard days. Melanie described it as “being back in uni again, but mostly in a good way?” which is true on better days. Martin maintains that it’s worth it for The Admiral and Melanie’s service dog, Mothman, alone, which is true on every day.

Today is a good day. There’s been a lot of laughter, from when Georgie and Melanie had met him and Martin at the airport to telling them honeymoon stories over dinner to now, when they’re all lying around doing nothing, and jet lag has rendered Jon too tired to drag himself to bed.

“Come and cuddle with us instead, Jon,” Melanie stage-whispers from beside Georgie. After checking that Martin is comfortable one more time, Jon agrees.

Melanie is snuggled under a blanket with a pink, purple, and blue yarn mix. Martin had gifted the blanket to Georgie for her birthday, even though Jon, I swear everyone gives their friends pride stuff when they don’t know what else to get them; are you sure it’s not obvious that I didn’t have a better idea? It's warm and soft, and by now, practically a household staple.

Jon sits down on the couch and, after checking that she’s okay with it, rests his cheek against Melanie’s shoulder. At first contact, Melanie lets out a small noise of surprise. “You shaved,” she says. “Georgie, you’re supposed to tell me about major life changes like this! How stupid does he look?”

Georgie hums. “Not too bad. I’d say… no more stupid than usual?”

“Damn,” Melanie says. “Why the smooth face, Jon?”

Georgie opens her mouth, but stops herself to let Jon explain.

“Oh,” he shrugs, “I just tend to shave whenever I have to deal with airport security. Less likely to be stopped for suspected terrorism and all.”

“Ah.” Melanie clicks her tongue. “Makes sense. Sucks, though.” She shifts, resting her head on top of Jon’s. “I guess it’s a good thing that Big Heathrow”—Georgie giggles from the other side of the couch—“doesn’t know how the apocalypse came about, then.”

Jon laughs. The part of his mind that wonders if going along with this particular joke about the apocalypse is a sign of developing emotional distance or just a coping mechanism perks its ears up, but he ignores it. “No, I’d imagine the Daily Mail would have a field day with that one.”

“I wonder how they’d spin your evil boss’s involvement,” Georgie, who steadfastly refuses to use Elias’s name, muses. “Innocent bystander? Secret lover?”

Melanie makes a retching sound, which Jon makes back at her. Melanie repeats it at a slightly higher pitch. This continues for at least a minute, before they lapse back into laughter. It really is like uni again.

“Hey, Jon,” Georgie ventures after a spot of silence, mischief coloring her voice, “Kiss, marry, kill: Big Heathrow, Daily Mail, evil boss.”

“Georgina.” It’s difficult to have a staring contest with Georgie’s body pillow in the way, but Jon manages to aim his glare right at the space between Georgie’s eyes. Georgie doesn’t back down, just smiles sweetly and raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, Jonathan?”

“Fine,” he sighs, resting his head back down onto Melanie’s shoulder. “Fine. Kill Elias again. Marry… marry Heathrow? I think it would have a tolerable personality. Which leaves…” he sighs again, “kissing the Daily Mail. Christ.”

“Bad choice,” Melanie says. “They’re basically the definition of kiss and tell. Imagine the scandal!”

“Alright, fine.” Jon says, not awake enough to debate but curious enough to challenge. “Same options. What would you pick?”

“Easy,” Melanie says. “First, obviously, I’m stabbing Elias to death. Second, I’m pretty sure Heathrow sells toothpaste, so it would be the least unpleasant to kiss. Third, and most importantly, I’m going to use my marriage to the Daily Mail to edit the articles it publishes and slowly radicalize the old white women of the UK.”

Georgie gives a few snaps of approval, and even Jon has to admit she has some points.

“There aren’t many situations where I’d divorce you willingly, Melanie,” Georgie says, “but if it was for this, I would understand.”

Melanie laughs. “I appreciate your support, babe. Your turn.”

Georgie deliberates for a while, then winces. “Sorry, Melanie. I’m going to have to go with Jon on this one.”

“Ha!” Jon says.

“I just don’t think I could deal with being married to the Daily Mail.”

“Cowards, both of you!” Melanie exclaims loudly, but is quickly shushed by both Jon and Georgie with a “Martin!” She continues in a quieter voice, “And before you say anything, Georgie, I know that’s not actually possible for you, but I’m sticking by my words.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe this. The heartbreak. The betrayal. From my own wife, and right after she said she would willingly divorce me…”

“Stop taking my words out of context!”

“Can’t, my new spouse Mx. Mail is a bad influence”(—“Which is exactly why it's better to marry Heathrow instead,” Georgie interjects—)“but at least it’d side with me against Jon.”

Jon grins. “It’s the biromanticism, Melanie. It gives me and Georgie the same taste.”

At this, Melanie sputters. “Nuh-uh. No way. Absolutely no way. Your bad choices are the results of your own bad opinions. Don’t bring me into it.”

Melanie continues to speak, but Jon is no longer listening. He feels, suddenly, like he’s missing something important. “What?” he asks, causing Melanie to pause. “How have I brought you into it?”

“Well… you said being bi makes you choose the worse option,” Melanie says, which just confuses Jon more. Then, “Wait, Jon, you do know I’m bisexual, right?”

Ah. That would do it.

“Not… not quite.”

“Oh my god,” Georgie says. “Seriously?”

“You—I’ve only ever heard you call yourself gay!” Jon cries, giving Melanie and Georgie the chance to shush him with “Martin!”

Melanie shakes her head mournfully. “I’ve been your friend—okay, not quite that, but I’ve known you—for years!”

“I was trying to save the world during most of those years!”

“You also had spooky all-knowing powers,” Georgie adds.

Jon feels his leg begin to bounce. “Well, yes, but I was actively trying not to use them on people. Checking someone’s sexuality would be a gross violation of—”

“It’s okay, Jon,” Melanie says soothingly, “I know you wouldn’t do that.” There is quiet for a few seconds as Jon takes a few deep breaths. Then, Melanie says in a wryer tone, “Jon. One of my sets of prosthetic eyes is literally the bi pride flag. I know I don’t wear it that often, but…”

“I’ve only seen it once, in bad lighting, and… I don't know, I thought maybe you were just being supportive!”

“Oh my god,” Georgie says again, her voice muffled by the pillow she’s buried her face in. Jon feels like burying his face into a pillow himself.

“This is awful,” Jon groans.

“Stop being biphobic, Jon,” Melanie says.

“Stop being bi-aced, Jon,” Georgie says, which is unfortunately quite good.

“Fine,” Jon says. “This isn’t awful. It is, instead, wonderful.” He means the last sentence to come out begrudging, but it sounds more sincere than anything else. Jon blames his emotions. Now that the initial surprise has worn off, warmth is beginning to replace it. It’s not that he’s particularly starved for bi friends, but it’s nice, having one more thing that ties him and Melanie together.

“Thank you.” Melanie gives Jon a haughty sniff, but she smiles as she does it.

Jon’s neck is beginning to strain, but Melanie is still resting her head on top of his, and he doesn’t want to bother her. He closes his eyes and tries to focus his attention elsewhere. He can take a few minutes more.

“I just realized something,” Melanie says. “Jon, I’m literally under a bi pride blanket right now.” Georgie starts to giggle again.

“I’m asleep,” says Jon.

“Yeah, under a bi pride blanket that I, too, am currently under. Because I’m bi.”

“I’m double asleep,” says Jon.

“And I’m bi,” says Melanie.

“I know it’s useless to ask, but is there any chance we can forget about this and pretend I’ve known all along?”

“No,” Melanie and Georgie say in unison.

“Great,” Jon replies, and hides his smile in his bisexual friend’s shoulder.

[bluejayblueskies]

philautia

n. a love based on deep connection to one’s well-being and built upon a love for one’s self; a centered wholeness

Words: 2.3k

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Relationship: Sasha James & Tim Stoker & Martin Blackwood & Jonathan Sims, Past Tim Stoker/Sasha James, Minor Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood

Characters: Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood, Jonathan Sims, Sasha James

Additional Tags: AU - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Humor, Statement Fic (but not in the way you expect!), Aromantic and Asexual Characters, Implied/Referenced Homophobia (very minor), Implied/Referenced Arophobia (also very minor)

Summary:

SASHA

So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and stole my scone. Timothy Stoker, I will not forget that.

---

Statements of members of the archival staff at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding certain facets of their aspec identities. Statements compiled by Timothy Stoker on 10th June, 2016. For personal use only.

Ao3 link in reblogs

Or read below:

[CLICK]

 MARTIN

 —really don’t think this is necessary—

 TIM

 Aaaaand we’re recording!

 MARTIN

 (exasperated) Tim.

 TIM

 Oh, come on Martin, it’s more fun this way!

 [MARTIN MAKES A NOISE OF DISAGREEMENT]

 TIM

 You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that this doesn’t appeal to your, and I quote, “retro aesthetic.”

 MARTIN

 (reluctantly) It… might.

 TIM

 See! So it’s perfect!

 …

 [HE SIGHS]

 Obviously you don’t have to if you don’t want to, Martin. I just thought it might be nice—to have something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other, you know? Here, I can go first.

 MARTIN

 Tim, you don’t have to—

 TIM

 (overlapping, adopting the ‘Archivist’ voice) Statement of Timothy Stoker, regarding the first time he went to Pride with his brother, Danny. June 10th, 2016.

 (cheekily) Statement begins.

 TIM (STATEMENT)

 (in his normal voice) I realized I was into blokes too when I was 15, you know. Think it took me a while because of the whole ace thing, though that took me until I was in uni to really figure out. I was still fine with sex, you know, always enjoyed it when it came up, just… never really wanted it with anyone in particular. So I suppose I’d assumed for a while that the things I was feeling toward other guys weren’t romantic because I never had the sexual parts to go along with them. (with wry humor) Almost ruined a few relationships that way, actually.

 But I’m getting a bit off-topic. Can’t be one of those rambling statement givers Jon hates. God, I can see his face now, that thing he does with his nose—Martin, you know the one, the- the way it looks like he’s just smelled something really, really rank.

 MARTIN

 I thought you said you weren’t going to ramble.

 TIM

 Cheeky, cheeky. Okay, where was I. Right.

 TIM (STATEMENT)

 Mom and Dad weren’t real big on the whole bi thing, so the first time I got the chance to go to Pride was in uni. The first time I got the chance to go with Danny was after he turned 18 and got his first modeling gig. At least, I think he was already modeling back then. Point is, we were both out of the house, and Danny had been dying to go to Pride with me ever since I sent him pictures of me and Sasha eating an entire box of rainbow-colored donuts that first year. I’d figured out I was ace by then, but it had been pretty recent, so when we got there, I found one of the vendors selling those big flags you drape over your shoulders and got an ace one. Felt a bit weird having the ace flag instead of the bi one like the other years, but I had worn that pink, blue, and purple button-down Sasha got me for Christmas once, so overall, it felt all right.

 And Danny—god, he loved it. Pretty sure he ate his weight in fried food that day.

 [HE LAUGHS]

 Almost got the aro flag he’d borrowed from Sasha dirty, actually, when he—

 (quickly changes course) Ah, nothing! Sasha, if you’re listening to this, absolutely nothing happened to your flag, and I definitely did not have it laundered before I returned it to you.

 TIM

 Aaaaand that’s it! Statement ends, I guess.

 See—easy! (a bit more seriously) But really—you don’t have to record one if you don’t want to, Martin.

 MARTIN

 …

 No, I- I want to.

 TIM

 Are you sure? I don’t want you to do that thing where you just do something because you think someone else wants you to.

 MARTIN

 I do not—!

 …

 Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, I- I’m sure.

 [RUSTLING AS THE TAPE RECORDER IS PASSED FROM TIM TO MARTIN]

 MARTIN

 (with an audible smile) Statement of, er, Martin Blackwood. Regarding… a crush. No, no, wait—god, that sounds so juvenile. Regarding himself, and a person who- er, someone whom he—

 [HE SIGHS]

 Fine. Regarding a crush. Statement given June 10th, 2016.

 Statement begins.

 MARTIN (STATEMENT)

 I’m always a little embarrassed to tell people that I’ve never dated anyone before? Okay, a- a lot embarrassed, actually. I try not to bring it up, but people will say things like, oh, you know how it is to shop for a partner or meeting her parents is definitely nerve-wracking—which is wrong on, er, two accounts, actually—and then I feel more awkward not telling them that I don’t know, actually, because I’ve never been in a relationship longer than a week or so. Then, they’ll get all sympathetic, like it’s some- some tragedy that I’m not involved with someone, and that’s worse, because then they’ll offer to set me up with people, or say that they don’t understand why I’m single because I’m a catch or whatever, and I have to give them some excuse about not interested at the moment.

 It’s not that, not really. Dates with strangers, they- they just never work out for me.

 I think I fall somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? I didn’t think about it much until Sasha mentioned it once over drinks—I think you were there, Tim, although you were (laughs) very drunk by that point. I told her I hadn’t had a crush on anyone since sixth form, and she threw around a bunch of terms. I- I honestly don’t really remember, it was kind of overwhelming and (laughs) I was also pretty drunk as well. But yeah, it… it sounds about right.

 (hesitantly, as if bracing himself for impact) So… this person. Who I, er. Recently, that is, who I…

 [HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

 It’s really strange, that’s all. And a- a lot. I—heh—I don’t really know what to do about it.

 MARTIN

…

 Uh, statement ends? I guess? I, uh, don’t really have anything else to say. (jokingly) It’s not like there’s any, er, follow-up or whatever. (to Tim) Was- was that okay?

 TIM

 (audibly smiling) Yup! Most excellent, Marto. (more seriously) You felt okay, right?

 MARTIN

 (huh) Yeah. Yeah, I- I did. A bit nice, actually. (quickly) As- as long as this stays in the archives, though. It… it is staying in the archives, right?

 TIM

 Oh, definitely. Right next to the section on love potions, I think.

 MARTIN

 Tim!

 TIM

 (laughs) Yes, Martin, it’s staying in the archives. Pinkie promise. Just you, me, Sasha, and Jon. (in the tone of a man who knows a great secret and wants nothing more than to share it) Speaking of Jon—

 MARTIN

 (quickly) Uh, recording ends!

 TIM

 (undeterred) —is he the—?

 [CLICK]

.

 [CLICK]

 SASHA

 Right. So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and stole my scone. Timothy Stoker, I will not forget that. It was white chocolate raspberry, and I’m stealing the money it cost out of your wallet.

 …

 Anyway.

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT]

 Statement of Sasha James, given 10th June 2016. Subject of statement is… hmm. Let’s say… (laughs) A brief relationship with one Timothy Stoker.

 Statement begins.

 SASHA (STATEMENT)

 Tim, I know you’re listening to this, and I just want to preface this by saying that yes, it was Italian that we had for dinner that night, not Greek. You’re thinking of a different friendship-turned-hookup-turned-awkward-aftermath-turned-friendship.

 [SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY]

 Anyway, I guess the best place to begin with this whole thing is by saying that I’ve known I was aro since I was 16 and that I’ve never been very good at talking about it. I’ve ended plenty of tried and failed relationships with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me talk because I didn’t know how to explain that I just… wasn’t interested in romance.

 I wanted to explain it to you beforehand, Tim, I really, really did. We’ve had this conversation, I know I know—I won’t rehash it over tape.

 [SHE SIGHS]

 But the important thing is that I like you so, so much, and—god, this is stupid—I guess maybe I thought that it wouldn’t matter with you? That you could like me romantically and I could like you platonically and it would be fine. Like I said, stupid, but you asked me out to that Italian place—yes, Italian, for god’s sake, I had the chicken parm and you had some sort of lasagna abomination—and I just… couldn’t say no. And it was nice, really. I had a lot of fun.

 And then we slept together. And… that was really nice. But then, the next morning, the… the guilt set in. Because I felt the same as I always had about you—which is to say that I loved you, just not in the same way you loved me—and I became convinced that I’d gone and ruined the whole thing.

 Ignoring you for a week was probably not the correct response. (quieter) Yeah, definitely not my finest moment. But I’d gotten it in my head that the moment I told you that I didn’t feel that way about you and that I would never feel that way about you—or about anyone—you’d hate me. And you don’t have to say that you’d never hate me—I know you wouldn’t. I think I knew it then, too. But fear is a powerful thing.

 …

 Anyway, you know how it all turned out. You finally dragged me out to coffee and I finally told you why I’d been avoiding you and it was really, really awkward for about a month after that and then it just… wasn’t anymore. (audibly smiling) And you’re still my best friend, Tim. Even if you did steal my scone.

 [THE SOUND OF PAPERS RUSTLING AND A CHAIR ROLLING BACKWARD]

 Recording ends.

 [CLICK]

 .

 [CLICK]

 ARCHIVIST

 Statement of Kyle Henning, regarding a strange mushroom he found growing in his garden. Original statement given April 15th, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

 Statement begi—

 [DOOR OPENS]

 TIM

 Hey boss! Got a moment?

 ARCHIVIST

 (irritated) Tim, please at least knock when the door to my office is closed. I was just about to record a statement.

 TIM

 (unbothered) So if you were about to, that means you’re not recording one right now, which means you do have a moment.

 ARCHIVIST

 (flatly) Shut the door on your way out, Tim.

 TIM

 (brightly) Right you are, boss! Juuuust going to leave this here on your desk. Bring it back whenever you’re done!

 [PAPERS RUSTLE AS SOMETHING IS PLACED ON THE DESK]

 ARCHIVIST

 (dryly) I’m fairly certain that I’m the one who assigns you tasks to complete, Tim.

 TIM

 That you do! I guess I better get back to them then. Have fun!

 ARCHIVIST

 (firmly) Tim—

 [DOOR CLOSES]

 [HE SIGHS]

 ARCHIVIST

 Right. Well, given that this recording is essentially useless now and I hadn’t even gotten to the statement, I may as well start over. (mutters under his breath) Bloody waste of tape and my time—

 [CLICK]

 .

 [CLICK]

 [PAPERS RUSTLE. FOR A MOMENT, THERE IS ONLY THE SOUND OF BREATHING. THEN, JON SIGHS.]

 ARCHIVIST

 Before I begin, I would like to make it very clear that this is not an appropriate use of working hours or the tape recorders, which should be used for statements that won’t record digitally as per Elias’s request.

 …

 That being said, I am… not entirely opposed to this project. So, I suppose…

 [HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

 Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London, regarding… regarding a black ring worn on the middle finger of his right hand. Statement recorded by subject, June 10th, 2016.

 Statement begins.

 ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

 I’ve often been told that I am not a very open person. I don’t necessarily intend to be closed-off, but I’ve also never found the need to disclose every aspect of my personal life to everyone I come into contact with. And yes, Tim—because I trust that you and you alone will be listening to this tape—that is a perfectly respectable way to live one’s life. Not everyone needs to know what I ate for breakfast that morning or who my favorite primary school teacher was.

 …

 I… will admit, though, that in certain circumstances, I… could probably stand to be more transparent regarding aspects of my personal life. Perhaps that’s why Georgie bought me the ring.

 It wasn’t a special occasion. She just brought it back from the shop one day, a few weeks after a… particularly illuminating conversation about certain sexual identities, and dropped it atop my copy of Wuthering Heights. Honestly, I had no idea what it was at first. I- (heh) I tried to make a joke about unorthodox proposals, but I- I don’t really think it landed. Georgie just looked at me and said that she’d seen it on one of the online forums, that it was called an ace ring, and that she thought I might like it. I think I was more surprised about the fact that the ring fit perfectly than at the fact that she’d bought me the ring in the first place.

 So I wore it. And it felt… nice. Understand, I don’t keep quiet about my romantic and sexual identities out of shame or embarrassment or indecision; I simply don’t feel the need to announce them at any given moment. So I’ve always been fond of small things—pins and stickers and such—that I can incorporate into my life, insignificant enough that they aren’t readily apparent to anyone but me, as they’re for me more than for anyone else. My ring is one such thing.

 [THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE. MORE WORDS SIT IN THE AIR, WAITING. EVENTUALLY, HOWEVER, HE SIGHS, AND THE WORDS REMAIN UNSAID.]

 ARCHIVIST

 Statement ends.

 …

 Right.

 (with something that might be a smile) As for your other request, I do have a prior engagement with Georgie and Melanie this weekend. Though if you’re willing to accommodate two more, I’m sure they wouldn’t be opposed to coming along. Georgie’s always telling me that Pride is more fun when you’re with a group, after all.

 End recording.

 [CLICK]

[sulkybbarnes]

why are you proud of harry? he's monetizing lgbt aesthetics and imagery without actually admitting to being a part of the community. he said in an interview that he thinks it's just "cool" but he refuses to suffer the repercussions of being openly gay/bi

I honestly don’t know where to start with this ask. I don’t know how old you are or what knowledge you have of the lgbt+ community and celebrities within it, but I’ll try to be neutral here even tho I find the wording of your ask very upsetting. 

“he’s monetizing lgbt aesthetics and imagery without actually admitting to being a part of the community”

People don’t need to “admit” to being part of the community. Nobody, not your friend nor a celebrity you never met, owes you a verbal confirmation of their gender and/or sexuality. People come out when it feels right to them personally and when they find it’s something they can do. Eugene Lee Yang was in the public eye for 7 years before coming out as gay. He got called straight and queerbaiting while also being called slurs and having other claim he’s bisexual. Until June of 2019, he didn’t feel comfortable to come out and he talks about it here if you want some insight. Elton John was married to a woman for 4 years. There were singers married to their same gender partner yet closeted for decades. No one owes you a statement of who they are, even tho Harry has on multiple occasions said and hinted that he’s into more than one gender and that goes completely ignored. 

“he said in an interview that he thinks it’s just “cool"”

The interview you are referring to, where he says sexuality is something fun for him, sounded like a total cop out from someone who can’t say their sexuality but is refusing to brand themselves straight. I mean when has a straight man ever aimed for sexual ambiguity and refused to say he’s straight over and over again?! The most you get out of straight artists is “I’m an ally but VERY heterosexual.”, while Harry has time and again avoided questions about his sexuality or answered with ambiguity. 

The level of support and vocal pride at Harry’s concerts isn’t for show. He doesn’t need cool points to sell his albums because he has talent for miles and a fandom established since 2011. Yet at every single concert during June he wished people a happy pride, he waves the gay, trans, and bi flags at every concert of his, went on speeches about loving his fans and needing them to accept themselves regardless of race, religion, or sexuality, and wrote an entire album about loving and accepting who you are. His song SOTT became an lgbt anthem and lgbt+ fans always wave pride flags during it, and so does Harry. He had donations in his name to various lgbt+ charities every year for the past few years because he actively makes it known that he appreciates that more than anything else. He also released a music video on national coming out day where he is surrounded by men and women and lyrics once again speaking of knowing who you are and accepting yourself. Try to extrapolate from that.

“refuses to suffer the repercussions of being openly gay/bi”

I mean it’s just awful to say that you need to subject yourself to scrutiny and abuse in the public eye to prove that you are queer. Suffering shouldn’t be a requirement for queerness. If an aesthetic representation of sexuality is all he can safely express right now, it is not your place or anyone else’s to deny him that. Besides, different expression of gender should be allowed to everyone regardless of their sexuality. Whether or not he’s straight or bi or gay, he should be allowed to explore his gender and how to present it. The fact that people demand labels and place restrictions on gender expression is a huge part of the problem and feeds into gendered stereotypes. Harry isn’t collecting token gays in his videos or writing bad lyrics disguised as ally-ship to “monetize” it, he is genuinely expressing his gender in a way that makes him comfortable.

Harry got called f*g and slurs by both paparazzi and fans for being “feminine”. He struggled a lot with how people view him and spoke about that struggle before and, as a fan since 2011, I understand the struggles and difficulties it took for him to get to a place where he is comfortable dressing the way he does now and expressing himself openly and not caring about what people think of him. That is why I’m proud of him. But regardless of this being about Harry or anyone else, it is inherently cruel to imply that someone isn’t queer enough until they come out. Closeted people are still their chosen sexuality and/or gender regardless of who they make it known to, and being out and facing scrutiny isn’t a requirement for being queer. I would think on that if I were you.

[thescorpioracer]

Sen Çal Kapımı 1 - Episode Recap

To be honest, this series of posts is mostly going to be a fashion roast. But DISCLAIMER! I really do love this show and Turkish TV in general, it’s just my preferred mode of media analysis is to pick things apart. 😂And I need everyone to know that I am very pro-women, and believe people should be able to dress how they want and not be judged for it or be looked down upon for it. But oh my god this wardrobe department/costumer needs to be STOPPED. I also have zero credentials to be talking about fashion, but will that stop me?

I’m going to make these posts assuming you’ve watched the show, and just comment on whatever comes up. There will be spoilers. Let’s go!

We start off with a voiceover from Eda Yıldız, an A+ romcom trope. (It wasn’t until my rewatch that I remembered that Eda used to do VOs at random intervals, and I’m kind of glad she stopped tbh.) She is a strong woman who wants to get her education and become a landscape architect/designer. She was all set to do that until- dun dun dun! - Serkan Bolat destroyed everything. 

Check out that dart board of a man (and this is the only time we see that photo there). And these outfits are probably the most normal and reasonable clothes she wears in the show. She’s a beautiful young woman, who was a college student, and now works outdoors as a florist. 10/10 outfit. 

Of course that transitions us into an epic slomo of Serkan exiting his private jet. He of course begins to berate his assistant on the phone in a way a friend described as reminiscent of The Devil Wears Prada.

@teamnick​​‘s commentary back when she first started the show. 

Serkan returns to his office for the first time in 2 months after working on business deals in London. Chaos ensues: Miranda Priestly is baaaaaaack.

See... here we have some good fashion choices! We meet the girls for the first time, while they try to sneak off to their graduation without making Eda feel bad that she won’t be receiving her diploma. Melek “Melo” is dressed in a sweet dress with a bold, romantic color, which captures her personality perfectly. Ceren, the rich daughter from a family of lawyers, looks a bit more high-fashion. The dress is short but it has long sleeves and no cleavage so it works out to be chic and elegant. Fifi is unapologetically herself with her full-black, punk wardrobe. Eda is again dressed in a pretty, but casual outfit. Nicely put together for her lower-middle-class lifestyle and her job as a florist.

Enter: the plot device to get our protagonists together. Serkan’s face says it all.

We are then introduced to the main couple’s respective cars. Serkan has his 2020 BMW (though the show blocks out the copyrighted branding) while Eda’s beat up SUV is clearly unreliable. What’s that? Another plot device being introduced? I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Also, I just noticed this, but for someone as uptight as Serkan, I’m surprised at how fun his suit jacket lining is. If I’m not mistaken the pattern is of a bunch of rainbow fish. #Snazzy, but they seem out of character?

Plot highlights:

Eda learns she can come back to school and finish her final year, but she’s lost her scholarship and will have to pay. She can’t.

Serkan gives his talk at the graduation (?)-- Is his talk just for architecture students? If so, why are Ceren, Fifi, and Melo there? We’ll never know. I know, I know... it’s all for the ~plot~

Eda calls Serkan out in front of everyone for taking away the scholarship that she earned from his company, Art Life. He is confused but unrepentant. She refuses to tell him her name.

She tries to deface his car with lipstick after keying the side (we never hear about the damage to his car after that). He catches her and wants to call the police, so she impulsively handcuffs them together with the plot devices from Selin’s wedding invitation sitting on his passenger seat.

They then have to go to Serkan’s urgent business meeting with an out-of-town client. Eda drives while they’re handcuffed together. Bickering ensues.

What is this? Foreshadowing? Symbolism?? Eda’s last name “Yıldız” is the Turkish word for “star” so... file that away for later.

One of my favorite parts about watching Turkish dramas is the experience of trying to decipher the fan translations. Add to the fact that Turkish only has 1 pronoun *chef’s kiss* 

Eda refuses to take the elevator to the 15th floor (we’ll learn about her claustrophobia later). Serkan is equally as stubborn, saying she owes  him for screwing up his day. But he has met his match in Eda with regards to stubbornness. They take the stairs.

More highlights:

First instance of fake dating - they need to hide the handcuffs from his client so Eda pretends she’s his girlfriend and a fellow investor.

The girls track Eda’s phone to the hotel and try to find her by asking around the premises. 

Eda charms the client into selling his land to Serkan.

We learn that Serkan is allergic to strawberries and has a lot of health anxiety. He’s a very tightly wound person.

Serkan says “Mashallah,” translator hears 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Engin brings way too many people to open the handcuffs and chaos ensues.

I feel like nothing can do justice to the comedy of 58:45 to 1:00:00 with Fifi using a bobby pin as a lock pick. The dramatic editing is 👌🏼

Leyla gets fired for somehow causing this drama??? And she is so happy to leave that stressful workplace omg, we don’t deserve her 🥺

Serkan and Eda go their separate ways, Eda prepared to never see her enemy again, but of course her phone and purse are still in his car so she has to go to his office at Art Life and confront him again.

Serkan has found out that Whoops, Art Life did cancel the study abroad scholarships to cut costs, but his CFO did it without telling him. And Serkan is pissed, but I think mainly about the fact that Eda did have some (SOME) grounds for yelling at him in public.

Leyla then explains the nonsensical reasoning behind her being fired-but-not-fired and still working. (Spoiler alert: she never goes anywhere and she is my favorite side character to this day).

Eda: “How can I piss Serkan off?” Leyla: “Find a mistake he’s made and he will fixate on it forever. But you won’t find anything.” Eda: “Hold my beer.”

Eda walks into Serkan’s office and his meeting. She gets her purse back and they fight about him not being willing to apologize for ruining her life and education. He refuses and says she owes him an apology for embarrassing him in public (no, dude).

He wants to give her back the scholarship and make it all go away but she rightly tells him that it won’t fix her broken pride from begging the company and her university for a second chance. But somehow her calling him a heartless “Robot” is what gets to him???? And he short-circuits. Eda walks out triumphant. 

~dRaMa!~

MEANWHILE

Melo, as well as being a perfume sales girl, also works as a flight attendant and wants Eda to cover her shift (we’ll get into how that doesn’t make sense in a minute) 

Eda says no, she’s going to meet her boyfriend, Cenk, who she hasn’t seen in months and has just returned from Italy.

Enter: Selin. Serkan’s ex who he dumped a while ago and is now engaged to the heir of a hotel empire. Serkan doesn’t like this. The two of them grew up together and are set to each inherit 50% of the holding company that Serkan’s father currently runs.

Right away Selin serves us with a gender reveal level color scheme.  Personally not a fan. They confirm that Serkan is coming to her engagement party tomorrow.

Meanwhile Eda  meets up with Cenk. Her outfit is still reasonable and cute for her character. He looks mildly like a hobo and doesn’t seem to have anything going for him (I know he’s a throwaway character but the two of them really don’t have anything in common).

This creeper keeps staring at them, but Cenk tries to explain it away and says he’s busy and can’t meet her again until the day after tomorrow. Eda is disappointed but accepts this. Creeper girl remains and remains a red flag to viewers, but apparently not to Eda.

Cut to later that evening, and of course our broody main man enjoys astronomy in his free time (???) idk what he’s charting and to what purpose but okay? 

Eda finds a mini first aid kit in her purse that Serkan put there before returning it. Queue montage of them treating their respective wrists for handcuff-related injuries. #couplegoals

Of course we also needed a sepia-toned flashback to earlier that day when the handcuffs contrived their faces to get too close together. #romance

Finallyyyyyyy it’s morning again and a new day.

Since Eda can’t see Cenk (good, he’s so boring), she agrees to fill in as a flight attendant for Melo, who’s side job is for a private plane company.

Now. This should not be a thing. Eda was in college to be a landscape architect and now works as a florist for her aunt... Where has she learned any relevant skills to work as a flight attendant?? Presumably nowhere. And I really don’t think a private plane company would be so easygoing about just having a random person fill in to cover for her friend? 

But does this show care about that? What do you think...

Also, instead of the standard white shirt, black skirt uniform requirements, the girls decide that this skimpy dress and heels is fine? Hmmm

Also lol @ Melo for assuming that the client who wants jasmine tea and fruit salad is probably a woman. And her telling Eda that the PRIVATE JET COMPANY would in fact have its own tea was very random and unnecessary. 

Back at the Bolat house compound, we meet the parents: Aydan and Alptekin. We’ll see them again later. Selin’s engagement party is today. 

Meanwhile Eda is just.... being a flight attendant, I guess??? And who could possibly be the passenger she has to take care of? Take a wild guess. Of course it’s Serkan Bolat.

And of course that tiny dress (THAT ALSO HAS A LEG SLIT?? WHY?? I really don’t need to see her vagina) looks very practical and professional... not! (Hande Erçel is a gorgeous human, and the dress looks good on her, don’t get me wrong. BUT THIS IS SITUATIONALLY INCORRECT ATTIRE). Also him just folding his vest and then social distancing from it... K? 😂

Eda panics and doesn’t want Serkan to see her and runs away back to her seat pod thing - Serkan takes issue with his fruit salad for ~plot reasons~ (EDIT: I’ve been informed that it’s because there was a strawberry in his fruit salad and since he’s allergic, of course it needed to be fixed. Why doesn’t the plane have a note of that??) and comes back to find this mystery flight attendant.

Eda is very stressed out about this encounter and is also starting to have a panic attack because, surprise, she’s also claustrophobic. 

After Serkan calms her down, they have a cute/civil conversation for the rest of the flight.

When they land, Eda realizes they’re on an island 2h45min away from Istanbul and she isn’t sure what to do with herself (How did she not already know where they were going, as the FLIGHT ATTENDANT??? So may red flags with this private jet company).

Serkan convinces Eda to come with him and she can hang out at the beach while he’s at Selin’s engagement party.

At the engagement party we finally meet Selin’s fiancé Ferit. He’s sweet and non-threatening and clearly insecure about Serkan being Selin’s ex.

This dress/skirt outfit Selin is wearing isn’t terrible, but it doesn’t scream rich socialite to me. Anything with feathers seems... a bit tacky/too showy? Like someone pretending to be rich? Idk, this outfit isn’t one I’m going to really take a stand on.

Does this engagement party warrant being a 2h45 min flight away? No. They try to explain it away as the couple wanting to have something small and private, even though they also invite the press?? But okay whatever, as long as Serkan and Eda cross paths again, I suppose.

Kaan Karadağ has been mentioned a couple times in passing, but now we finally meet our “villain.” Ferit’s friend, and Serkan & Selin’s childhood acquaintance, who has it out for Serkan bc he somehow bankrupted Kaan’s dad? Idk and I don’t really care but tl;dr they’re enemies. 

Another thing I love about Turkish dramas is the censoring. Like, they’ll allow alcohol to be on screen, but they won’t say the word and they’ll just blur out the bottle and any liquid that we’d assume is alcoholic 😂

In the evening, Serkan is tired and wants to leave and Ferit snidely jokes about how Serkan is too picky to have a fiancé of his own. Serkan flashes back to 1 entire day ago when he and Eda pretended to be dating at his business meeting, and says that actually he is engaged to someone and then peaces out.

Serkan finds Eda on the beach, and they are preparing to leave when a crowd of people (Selin, Ferit, and Kaan mainly), arrive to get a peek at Serkan’s new “fiancé.” Eda very reluctantly plays along (good thing she has that unnecessarily sexy “work” dress to help her look the part) and Serkan notices that for the first time ever, Selin is jealous of another woman. #drama

After they finally escape the crowd, Serkan makes an annoyed Eda an offer: Pretend to be his fiancé for the 2 months leading up to Selin’s wedding so he can get them to break up and prevent Ferit marrying into the company. In return, he will pay all the fees to help her complete her last year of studies in Italy.

Eda refuses, stating that she doesn’t want anything from him, and besides she has a boyfriend (Sure Jan; Cenk is such a joke). They have it out and then fly back to Istanbul. But of course the gossips at the engagement have spread the news of Serkan’s new woman so the paparazzi corner them at the airport when they land. 

So glad that we got to see this random mechanic find out the news (???)

They escape the cameras and Serkan takes her home, saying that Art Life has a press conference tomorrow, and she should come so he can save face and tell everyone that she was his assistant accompanying him for work to the party. Eda agrees. 

It should also be mentioned that Serkan still doesn’t know her name at this point?? She refused to tell him and Engin still hasn’t sent him the names of the scholarship candidates so it’s a bit miraculous that their relationship was at all believable.

The next day, Cenk wants to meet but Eda has to go to the press conference. The girls come too for whatever reason, and Melo is convinced that Cenk wants to propose. Eda just lets that fantasy take hold (why tho?), and Cenk shows up unexpectedly right before the press conference and takes Eda into the nearby hotel’s cafe so they can talk.

Eda seems ready for a proposal (they haven’t seen each other or really communicated in months??) but Cenk wants to break up. Eda is shocked (???) but then Cenk mentions that he has a new girlfriend from Italy that he adores, and oh by the way, it’s the creepy girl from the other night who also happens to be here right now?

Okay fine, I guess??? Cenk: “She’s doesn’t speak Turkish” Girlfriend: *clearly a Turkish actress*

Eda is upset that he brought his jealous girlfriend with him to break up with her and says something about how actually, she’s seeing Serkan Bolat now (maybe it’s just me being someone who doesn’t follow tabloids, but are business people really that popular in every day society where everyone knows who they are?). Cenk laughs at Eda, saying that everyone wants to be with Serkan Bolat, and that she’s bluffing.

Eda makes an impulsive decision, and walks away, over to where Serkan has started the press conference. And seals their fate as fake dating in the public eye.

Queue confetti. No really.

And there we have it. That’s the episode!

In all seriousness, it’s a pretty great pilot, especially for a romcom. It hits all the right beats, includes enough tropes, and tells us a lot about what we should expect in the episodes going forward. And no matter how much I make fun of it, I really do enjoy this show! It’s been such a nice distraction from Current Events. I’ve spent a lot of time watching these episodes just saying “oh my god” out loud to myself as I watch all of the cute/romantic gestures that give me a lot of second hand embarrassment (I forget that PDA makes me kinda uncomfortable 😂).

There wasn’t actually that much terrible fashion in this episode, which I didn’t notice until my rewatch. If I continue with this series of posts, I’m hoping they’ll end up being less plot-centric, and more about the situationally inappropriate outfits and strange subtitling choices. 

See you next time? 

[notfunnydean]

Coming Out

Pairing: Dean Winchester / Castiel Tags: bisexual Dean, pansexual Cas, first kiss, first pride Word Count: 1.969 Challenge:  SPN Fam Pride Month Summary: While being on a hunt Dean discovers a pride parade. He sneaks out of the motel room to explore the parade but also to learn more about himself. There he meets someone familiar. Link (if posted on AO3): https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963385

Dean takes a deep breath and then finally gets out of his beloved Baby. He hastily looks around, to see if he knows someone, even though he is miles away from Kansas. Still his brother and Castiel are with him.

Not right now, but at the motel. 

“Okay, you can do this.” Dean mutters to himself and then throws his jacket back into the Impala. He feels a bit lighter already, but he is still wearing a flannel. For now he would stay like that. 

Dean feels ridiculous, but he almost sneaks down the alley into the city. He can hear loud music and people singing and gulps. Okay, he had waited a long long time for this and he wouldn’t freak out.

He wishes Charlie was still with him.

She would’ve liked this. Dean is sure Charlie did things like this all the time and he’s proud of her. He tries to be proud of himself too, but it’s difficult. 

“Hey. First pride?”

Dean looks up to see a young guy and nods shortly. Does he look like it’s his first time? God how embarrassing.

“No need to worry. Just have fun, maybe try a smile? I’m Max.” Dean nods again, but then he realizes that and smiles shyly. Max looks good, he wears a rainbow flag around his torso and has a lot of pins on his shirt.

“Sorry, I’m just really nervous. I haven’t really come out so far.” Dean mutters and Max looks almost compassionate at that, but he clasps Dean’s shoulder and nods.

“We’ve all been there. Just don’t pressure yourself. Some of us never come out in public or to their family and friends and they’re still valid.” Max continues and it helps Dean to feel a bit better.

He’d never been out to his father and he is kinda glad for that. He doesn’t know what John would’ve thought of him. Maybe… he would’ve come out to his mother, but he didn’t get the chance.

And yeah he could’ve always come out to his brother. Dean knows that. Sam is probably the most open human there is, but he’s still scared shitless. Hell, it took a lot to admit to himself that maybe he likes to look at guys as well.

“Thank you, that means a lot.” Dean says and this time it’s a real smile. 

“If you wanna buy anything. I got a lot to sell.” Max says and he points at all the colorful things he has in his booth. While Dean’s eyes stop at something particular, he excuses himself. Max nods towards him and then is already talking to another girl. 

Dean continues his own way, the sun is shining brightly and there are so many people around him. Dean stops to get himself a beer and then finally opens his flannel. His shirt is nothing special.

But it has a huge bi-flag on it. 

Everyone around him is so happy, a lot of people are waving to him, even flirting shortly with Dean and he likes this. He finally feels accepted and free and so good in his own skin. He can’t remember the last time this happened. 

Dean even stops and gets himself some pins. He actually likes the rainbow flag as well but the bisexual merch means a lot to him. Almost his whole life he hadn’t even known that he wasn’t really alone with that.

Sue his hunting lifestyle. He never had time to discover his own sexuality in school or college. He had always accepted that he’d never look into  that side of himself too much. But then… then someone appeared in his life.

“We got every flag there is.” A woman says and Dean stops to look at all the flags. There are just small ones you can hold up, but also huge ones like Max had around his torso. Dean gasps at a cowboy hat in the bisexuality colors. 

Dean has his wallet out before he can think about it. It’s not even that expensive, so Dean takes that cowboy hat and even one of those huge flags, that he can wrap around his shoulders. 

He can’t believe this. He would’ve never thought that he’d wear merch like this. Sure a few pins, his shirt, but this felt kinda huge. Dean smiles even harder and puts on the hat, before using that flag as a cape.

Dean snickers to himself and just as he turns around he walks right into someone.

“Whoops sorry.” Dean says and he feels a bit tipsy so happy is he, even though he hadn’t had a lot to drink.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean’s heart stops.

“Cas?!” 

Fuck. Okay. Dean smiles awkwardly and then even tips his hat in greeting. Like the dumbass he is. Castiel smiles anyway and Dean’s eyes widen when he finally sees what the angel is wearing.

Not his trenchcoat for once. Instead a shirt with a flag, that Dean doesn’t know. (He’s new to all of this, dammit) and a fake halo in the same colors. 

“I thought you don’t have a halo.” Dean gets out and wants to smack himself. Castiel’s smile gets only wider at that and there is something else in his eyes.

“That’s why I bought this one.” Castiel answers and they continue to look at each other. Like always, Dean gets lost in those blue eyes. He can’t help it. Castiel takes a step closer and Dean wishes he could take his hand.

Then he does.

“Come with me, I got an idea.” Dean mutters, blushing badly that he is holding Castiel’s hand. Luckily, his best friend isn’t saying anything and Dean knows he walks a lot more upright now.

People will probably think Castiel is his boyfriend and he likes that a little too much.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asks, while they walk and he even squeezes Dean’s hand. Dean walks a bit slower, wanting to enjoy this. 

“I think I saw something you should get.” Dean answers truthfully. He remembers that he had seen the booth when he first came here, the one where he met Max. It takes them roughly 10 minutes to walk there.

“I didn’t know you were bisexual.” Castiel says, it doesn’t sound mad. He sounds actually pretty glad, Dean almost squirms.

“I… I… never mentioned it, but I wanted… I finally wanted to be me.” Dean stutters. He can’t remember the last time he was this nervous and he looks at Castiel. He can feel how the hand holding Castiel’s sweats.

“I like it.” Castiel answers and there are a lot more butterflies in Dean’s stomach than around them. Maybe that actually means that Castiel could like him back?

“What does yours mean?” Dean asks carefully and he hopes it doesn’t mean he’s out of the game. He feels like an idiot for knowing almost nothing about genders and sexualities. He should look more into it.

To be ready for the next prides, too. But this one was rather accidental and he was glad to have the shirt with him at all.

“After the human meaning, I’m pansexual. I don’t care about the gender of my love interest. I just need to have a profound bond to the person.” Castiel explains and Dean gasps quietly. He knows exactly that Castiel had said before that they shared a profound bond.

“Hey there stranger!”

Before Dean can answer something to Castiel, Max has already spotted him. Dean goes over to him, painfully aware that he is still holding Castiel’s hand. Max grins, but says nothing.

“Hey again. Uh, I thought I would come back to your offer. I’d like to purchase something.” Dean says and he follows Max at the booth. Before that he tells Castiel to wait for him there. The angel does so and looks at the parade that just started.

“Sure thing, my twin sister Alicia creates all of this. Supportive Sibling thing.” Max says grinning and the girl from earlier waves at them. Dean smiles. He should tell Sam, too. (He just hopes Sam wouldn’t start crafting things too, he’s not super good at it.)

“I’d like to get one of those. Do you have them in the pansexuality colors?” Dean asks and Max gets them out of a cardboard. Dean loves them already, the colors suit Castiel perfectly.

“For your boyfriend?” Max asks while Dean pays, he looks back to Castiel, who seems still fascinated by all the colorful vehicles. Dean shrugs.

“We’ve known each other for ages but I hope I can finally be his.” Dean explains and he is blushing again. Max smiles wider and wishes him good luck. Dean hopes they will meet again some time.

He walks back to Castiel and carefully puts his present on Castiel’s back. It even has a small holder that he can attach to Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel jerks in surprise and then raises his eyebrows at the fake wings.

“Really?”

“Yeah you look… you look really gorgeous. Always I mean.” Dean wants to smack his head against something hard and heavy, but Castiel chuckles.

“Thank you Dean. You look very beautiful yourself.” Castiel answers easily. There was a time where Dean would’ve been angry with being called ‘beautiful’, and maybe even yesterday he would’ve been offended.

But he wants to learn to be himself now.

“Thanks.” Dean mutters, still embarrassed, but Castiel takes his hand again. Dean even gets a bit closer to him, as they watch the parade around them together.

“So. How come you are here today?” Castiel asks and Dean shrugs a bit awkwardly. At first he doesn’t know what to say. Then he takes a deep breath.

“I guess some things take me a while to understand.” Dean says and he even goes for a wink like a dumbass. But Castiel is still close, still holding his hand. Even smirking a bit now.

“Like what?”

“Like huh... this.”

Dean had killed so many supernatural things in his life and never been afraid beforehand. But he is afraid right now, as he leans closer and hastily closes his eyes, so he doesn’t have to see the angels face.

Luckily, Castiel comes towards him as well and their lips meet in the middle. Dean gasps quietly in his shock, but then Castiel is putting his free hand on Dean’s neck and pulls him even closer.

Dean opens his mouth without a second thought and fuck he hadn’t known that Castiel was such a good kisser. He is already addicted. Castiel even hums, when people are whistling at them.

The kiss breaks way too soon, but Dean kinda needs to breath. He licks over his lips, when he opens his eyes, only to meet Castiel’s hungry gaze.

“I really like you.” Dean whispers.

He then closes his eyes in his own frustration and takes a deep breath. What the fuck, is he five years old and talking to his crush at the kindergarten? He was never so bad at flirting. Castiel grins.

“I’m in love with you for years.” Castiel says as if it’s nothing.

“Me… me too.” Dean says and Castiel hugs him as hard as he can. Like always they seem to forget about the world around him. Dean doesn’t think he had ever been this happy. This feels right.

This feels like something new and exciting and at the same time like something he had known for years and gives him security. 

“So how come you’re here?” Dean asks, still shy even after the kiss. At least he is still holding Castiel’s hand. The angel smiles and then shrugs.

“Sam told me to find you here.” Castiel winks at Dean this time and Dean gasps quitely.

He would strangle his brother. And maybe send him flowers

“Now kiss me again, Cowboy.”

“As you wish Angel.”

[koteosa]

here’s some modern au headcanons for the arcana ... it’s something I think about a lot

Asra

gamer memeing shitlord . he majored in minecraft you cannot convince me otherwise

plays A Lot of minecraft but also just enjoys any similar sort of game, sdv, animal crossing, etc. He’s really good at video games but he’s just fucking around . he likes to play online games and try his best to make everyone hate him in a really harmless sort of way . he heals the enemy spy . changes his display name and avatar to be exactly the same as someone else . tells people to go into the console and type unbindall

he plays games with his friends and he’s usually the top player so he just spends his time spoiling the shit out of his friends giving them good items carrying them through dungeons etc but not Julian, he tells Julian to dig straight down in minecraft . Julian doesn’t ever know what he’s doing in any video game so Asra trains him wrong on purpose, as a joke

anyway enough about video games (for now)

Asra lives in a van that he painted the exterior of himself, it was both a fun project and a very smug way to annoy people with this awful fucking hippie van strolling into town, eat shit

it’s decorated with crystals, furs, fairy lights, mason jars full of food For The Aesthetic, books, etc. It’s very cozy, cottagecore / bohemian and it’s ridiculously obvious that he’s into witchcraft. he just lets Faust explore because this isn’t real and I can pretend that a snake is exactly as well behaved as in a fantasy story

basically homeless by choice

drugs tw but I see him as the type to want to try anything and everything at least once so if he’s ever been offered A Drug (and he crashes parties for fun and for free food, so he’s got opportunities) he’ll try it Just To See, and this has resulted in some bad trips before, but Muriel saw him in the middle of one and then after he sobered up Muriel put his foot down and made Asra agree to only do these things as responsibly as possible, like, with supervision from a friend

still drugs tw but I also see Asra as a stoner but in the cbd edibles sort of way, a lot of this is because I headcanon Asra as having ADD (because I do and I want to project a little bit) so it helps him focus but also he just Likes It. the glove box of his car has like, chocolate/lollipop edibles stuff like that

goes between like super healthy elaborate meals with mushrooms and veggies and fresh meat and shit and then just eating nothing but cheez-its all day

style wise I see him as the type to wear a lot of tank tops, like, the loosest of tank tops so it hangs super low and long and you get some nice cleavage out of it, crystal necklaces, gold jewelry, pride pins/jewelry/etc (trans/nonbinary/bisexual flags), oversized hoodies with loud colorful patterns, joggers and other loose comfy pants, and either boots or slippers

he’s got like... the at home look that’s basically what I just described, and then the away from home look that’s got thirty layers and none of it makes sense and he just shows up in orange crocs With Patterned Socks and everyone who sees him just lets out the heaviest sigh

Asra getting home be like (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a l

He likes to go on long road trips completely at random and saves up money to go on more extensive trips like, out of the continent. It can be really hard to place him at any given time, especially because he’s extremely slow to respond to texts for a whole multitude of reasons. He just fucking vanishes sometimes and he doesn’t get that maybe people want to know where he is. He’s too solitary

He makes money either via street performances (magic, tarot readings, etc) or selling shit on etsy like handmade tarot decks, crystal necklaces, magic charms, etc. He Has Never Worked A Day In His Life and He Will Not Start Now

Responsibility? Don’t know her

People ask him really obnoxious questions sometimes and he makes outlandish lies to tell them for fun . Why do you live in a van? A house killed my parents

In the fall/winter he lives with Muriel or more to the point, he crashes on his couch for a really long time and Muriel’s landlord doesn’t need to know about it for rent purposes

Julian

he’s a highly paid doctor and your mother would love it if you’d marry him if not for the fact that he looks like he never left his teenage emo phase

PIERCINGS

There’s DEFINITELY at least one piercing on his d

he lives with Portia and Mazelinka and tries to handle all their expenses but Mazelinka won’t fucking let him

soundproofed his room but not because he’s a youtuber or anything but because he uh. y’know what I’m gonna let y’all figure this one out on your own

goes to like............. lgbt friendly bdsm clubs every now and then looking for someone to step on him and call him garbage it’s for his mental health you don’t understand

black turtlenecks . silver jewelry . distinguished but Edgy as well, black boots, winklepickers, doc martens, ohmygod this is my SHIT I’m giving him red plaid pants and a reversed cross necklace and a leather jacket that says some radical shit on the back and Lots of Rings . black jeans with tears in the knees and black eyeshadow, demonia boots, leather gloves, hhhhhhOHmy GOD

catch him at home in black leggings and a my chemical romance tshirt with holes in it . he wakes up in the morning with yesterday’s makeup and he just cleans it up a little and that’s good enough

fairly small bedroom because he’s usually never at home, but it’s still pretty clear what he’s into even if it’s not super decorated or elaborate, kind of just Default Room but with his stuff arranged throughout . band posters, black furniture, a bed that looks like a depressed vampire sleeps in it, a bookshelf but most of the books are scattered around his desk, bed, and the floor. there’s a taxidermy skull on display somewhere because it’s just so dramatic you gotta love it

plays a black electric violin

extremely out of tune with pop culture he still listens to 70-00s music and he doesn’t know what a minecraft is or why Asra keeps yelling CREEPER when he comes into the room nor why Portia yells back AW MAN

I googled it and he qualifies as a millennial but I still see him as such a fucking old man who doesn’t know how to use electronics

despite being a doctor he’s so unhealthy . he eats nothing but depression meals (or just, nothing) unless someone forces him to sit down and eat an actual meal . No Julian whiskey does not count for your daily water intake

Malak probably happened because Julian wouldn’t stop feeding every black bird he saw just for the aesthetic and that was like 17 years ago but they still show up at his window expecting almonds or whatever the fuck . he changes houses but they’re too smart . you try to be a cool gothic thespian with a raven that will pose on your arm ONE time when you’re a teenager and they just never stop coming

sad lonely no friends hasn’t been laid in six years because he’s too busy and no longer remembers how to form meaningful relationships. Portia keeps being like so I met this really hot (insert gender here) and like idk I think they’re into goth dudes............... just saying...................... and he’s like am I really so pathetic that I’m going to let my baby sister set up blind dates for me? Yes

would drive something very goth like a hearse or some shit if not for the fact that his family would make sure he ends up in a coffin in the back of it if he drove up in that shit . please . buy a normal fucking car . Julian . oh my god

he starts quoting melodramatic poetry at the slightest inconvenience . he is that “All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread. My cat stole my fucking garlic bread” meme

been arrested multiple times for general rowdiness but also for political activism . at this point Portia/Mazelinka will just sigh and pay his bail and they don’t even ask what he did this time . how does he still have a job? I wish I knew

theater kid

Muriel

lives in a rundown apartment in the shitty part of town because it’s all he can afford, it’s quiet, and no one will try to visit him (except Asra) because no one wants to go to THAT part of town . but no harm will likely ever befall him because he’s 6′10 and like three million pounds of raw muscle with battle scars like you gonna fuck with that? really?

even if he got robbed it wouldn’t matter because A) he doesn’t own anything B) Inanna will chase the thief away

depression man staying in his quiet rundown dark apartment distracting himself with idle hobbies and taking care of his dog to prevent the encroaching ennui from tearing him a new asshole

changes jobs frequently both because he never stands out therefore never gets taken on full time after the part time trial period, AND to protect himself from the horror of being known

works mostly things like construction, auto repair, dog sitting/walking/etc, woodworking, mostly hard labor but if he can convince granny to let a very scary but completely harmless man look after her bichon frise for the weekend then he’s pretty happy about that

in a similar manner, he orders everything online so cashiers/etc won’t start to recognize him. delivery workers leave everything outside his door and he just drags it inside after they leave like an itazura kitty coin bank

goes camping a lot because staying cooped up in his apartment is super bad for his mental health and he doesn’t like to take walks through the city for a multitude of reasons. he takes Inanna on walks through the woods instead

Asra is his only friend and that’s fine (it’s not fine)

convinced therapy doesn’t work and he wants nothing to do with it

doesn’t like using electronics and only keeps a few things around his house so Asra can use them when he’s around . Muriel has a phone (that Asra got for him) so he can text Asra, check the time, check the weather, google questions, and like, nothing else

pretty much only happy when something is about dogs. he wants to go to the pet store and look at the dogs but he needs Asra to go with him so Asra can distract the workers and Muriel can look at the puppies in peace

dresses in blacks, grays, greens, and browns for the most part, jacket with the hood up, tank tops, dark jeans with tears in them, brown boots with mud stains on them . functional, not particularly stylish, and if he’s going to be in public he doesn’t want to make it easy for anyone to see his face. at home it’s mostly no shirt + sweatpants/joggers/etc. doesn’t accessorize or put in any real effort. he doesn’t care what he looks like (because he’s convinced he’s not much to look at anyway)

lives that super eco friendly life like Asra does but it’s more that he just feels comfortable living like he’s always on a camping trip

he doesn’t want to eat junk like Asra does but if Asra shows up with mcdonalds then well he can’t really say no

the type who uses something until he absolutely cannot use it anymore instead of just buying a new one

has never been to a doctor, dentist, etc Ever. the most he can do is take Inanna to the vet because he loves her so much

drives a very old pickup truck with like, chipped paint and mud stains. he’d take better care of it if only anything in life mattered

didn’t go to school

Portia

I like to think that she took on a groundskeeping job at Nadia’s very expensive large house and they fell in love and now Nadia pays for everything and Portia just spends her time gardening, playing with Pepi, and like idk running a vlogging/gaming youtube channel

200 videos of Pepi on her youtube channel with 4 million views each bare minimum . takes random videos of cats where she has to audio edit it to shit so you can’t hear her high pitched squeals of delight

minecraft let’s play part 30 where her, Asra, Nadia, and Julian play together and it’s extremely chaotic because Asra and Portia decide to gang up on Julian who does NOT know what he’s doing, and then Nadia surprises them all by not being the bigger person and instead tricking Julian into some elaborate trap where he steps on a trapdoor and falls 15 blocks into some lava and he looks up and all he sees is Nadia’s smug fucking avatar looking down at him

nightcore. it’s just not FAST enough

wears sweaters with cats on them. generally dresses in warm colors + brown/green, it’s like a very soft cozy look that you could go camping in or just generally be outside and get grass stains and whatnot. cute, functional

likes to make Julian do things for her like drive her places etc because like, he will. he always will

really likes social gatherings with her friends; sleepovers, beach trips, sitting at mcdonalds and pouring all their fries into a pile etc. tries to get Julian to go with her but he’s Just So BUSY. she makes fun of him and makes him drive her to it, then manages to convince him to stay

cottagecore aesthetic . she just thinks it’s so cute to have the little mason jars and decorate everything with leaves and flowers and BEES and whatnot . would love to live in a little cottage with a farm if she could

her room has a big cat tree in it . green wallpaper with yellow flowers. pressed flowers into books, an extremely cozy bed, fairy lights, it’s very farmy but also there’s a lot of electronics. she’s got a lot of 00s games, like, right in that ps2 sweet spot

nicknames all of her pokemon

she spoils the ever loving shit out of Pepi. She’s got a little cat harness and they go on walks through the park together

I don’t have a lot to say about the other two I Am Sorry