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necrotic-nephilim · 5 months ago
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@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.
so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.
a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.
and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.
so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.
beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.
because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.
and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.
and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.
and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.
people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.
it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.
#necrotic festerings#batfamily#batfamily meta#dc comics#fandom meta#fan studies#fanon vs canon#i deleted paragraphs of this to try to make it shorter. it failed btw.#anyway i got into comics when i was like 12 with the dark knight returns#and if i hadn't been into this medium for a decade i don't think i would be able to get into it as an adult so i get it#bc i'm trying to get into marvel comics and fuck ME am i confused as fuck.#do marvel comics have like. an equivalent to crisis events?#is the ultimates like their version of the new-52? i do NOT know#it's so hard and daunting so trust me i get it#if you never wanna pick up a comic god i respect you you're so right this is fucking miserable#i want to live and let live in fandom but *god* i'm struggling here#i used to bend to the will of fanon fun fact#i wrote my share of tim and jason fics playing into fanon tropes. god i hate them *now* but they did fucking numbers.#and i used to care more about getting attention in fandom than being accurate#i've matured now. it's why i write on anonymous so much to remind myself this should be for me.#anyway i could do a character study on every batfam member as fanon vs canon#ESPECIALLY tim and jason. i know so much about them trust me.#jason todd fans annoyed me so much i once sat and read almost every fucking jason comic. i didn't even like him.#but i tell you what i know that man and he will never leave my top five characters on league of comics.#this is so long. is anyone going to read all of this.#if you do you're a fucking trooper i'm saluting you.#this isn't even all of my thoughts i had to condense myself.#bc i also have thoughts about how this means some characters no longer get to exist outside of the batfam#because they only exist as a member of the unit#ergo we have very little current content of helena bertinelli or onyx adams or duke thomas
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phantom-of-the-501st · 3 months ago
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I'm Sorry
Echo has a lot of things he wants to tell his brother
Tags: @saturn-sends-hugs @inkstainedhandswithrings @the-bi-space-ace @floundrickthewayfarer
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You broke your promise.
I trusted you and you broke it. But I guess I broke mine too. I said I'd never leave you. I'm sorry. I get angry at you sometimes, for leaving. I know it wasn't your fault. But you promised me that we'd be together 'til the end and yet you're not here.
I feel bad. I feel bad whenever I get mad at you. It wasn't your fault. And it's hypocritical of me. I left first. And I guess maybe you didn't break anything. You didn't leave me because there was no me left to leave. But I'm still angry. I came back and you weren't there. You left and you took a piece of me with you. I've never been whole since and I get so angry at you because of it. You vex me. You infuriate me. And I hate you for it. And I'm sorry. Because it was never your fault. I wish I could apologise to you but I can't. You're not here. But I'll keep saying I'm sorry. I'll store every apology until I can give them to you. Every single one. We'll make a trade. I give you every "I'm sorry" and you give me that piece of me back. Make me whole again.
I think about you. I think about you all the time. You're not here and yet I can never escape you. I see your sadness in the rain, your happiness in the sunlight between the trees, your anger in the lightning and your laughter in the wind. I see your frustration in the growing tide, your peace in the flowers in the meadows, and that twinkle in your eye reflected in the stars. I see you everywhere and yet I can't see you at all.
The others asked why I never grew my beard out. I said it was because it was too much of a bother to maintain. I lied. It's because I can't bear to see your face every time I look in the mirror, or at my own reflection in a pool of water. You haunt me. Every moment of every day, you haunt me. I hear one of our brothers laugh and I turn expecting to see you. Every time someone walks through the door I hope that I'll see that stupid tattoo of yours again, or that smug look on your face. But it's never you. It never will be.
Remember Rishi? I think about it often. Is it a bad thing that it doesn't hurt as much? We lost our whole squad but it doesn't feel the same. It hurt but we healed, we got better and it makes me sad but I'm okay. At least, just a little bit. But you? I don't know how I'll recover from that. You were my other half and now you're gone. The boys left a hole that could be fixed but you took a part of me with you and never came back.
I wasn't even there when it happened. He was. Sometimes I feel like I remind him of you and that hurts. Maybe I don't have the right to feel bad about this. It was a war. We made stupid promises and I broke mine first. I have no right to be mad at you for breaking yours when you couldn't control it. He was there. He held you as it happened. And he still doesn't get angry at you. He's a better man than me but he always was. He's a better man than all of us. Maybe he would have been happier with you here but there's not much we can do about that now is there?
People say that death is the worst thing in the world. Is it? Does it feel worse than this? I can't imagine it. I feel like my soul has been ripped from my body, like my lungs have been filled with lead. My heart burns with an immortal fire and yet I feel cold. I feel so cold.
You were my warmth. And you left.
She has the same laugh as you. I don't know how. I can't explain it but she does. And a twinkle in her eye. It's not yours but it reminds me of you. She would have loved you. And you her. I wish you could have met. Our younger sister. Our older younger sister. It's strange but when did life ever make sense? I ache knowing she'll never get to meet you. That you'll never know the joy that she brings. She glued a part of me together. Started picking up the shards and putting them back in place. I love her for that. I love all of them for that. For helping to hold me together, just a little bit.
But they'll never make me whole because you still have that piece of me with you.
We always joked about getting old, made bets on who would get grey hairs first, who would need a cane or glasses that hung on a chain around their neck. I always said it was you. You were the oldest. And yet I look in the mirror now and I'm the one who got there first. Not the cane, nor the glasses mind you, but the hair definitely changed. I watched each one. Each silver strand. Every one reminds me that I got here before you. And that you'll never get here. You broke your promise. And you won the bet. And I hate you for it.
I hate you so much for leaving and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You never wanted to hurt me and yet you broke me. I'm in pieces because of you.
And I'm so sorry, Fives.
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luosaugury · 1 month ago
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I came up with a more detailed backstory for my Warden Rook, and surprisingly, his guilt complements Neve's fear quite well. It's unintentional, which makes me quite proud of myself lol
Details under the cut I guess
Rook had a loving family. His mother, his younger brother (Émile), and an old mabari dog that his mother told him was his father's.
Rook never knew his father, or at least doesn't remember him. He knows his father left them when he was about 3 years old, and his brother was about 1yo. His mother rarely spoke of his father, and as a child Rook noticed and didn't ask, despite not knowing why.
Émile was 8 when his magic manifested. Rook was 10. He cried and trying to fight the Templars to stop them from taking his brother away. Émile was always a gentle child, always following Rook around, a crybaby. Rook refused to believe that his brother could ever be a monster just because he happened to have magic. The Templars treated Rook like an upset child throwing a tantrum and tried to calm him by gently telling Room it was for Emile's own good, that they were also protecting Émile from threats Rook couldn't protect him from, like demon possession, or other people's hatred.
Rook (eventually) believed them. Or at least he tried to.
A year later their mabari dog died during the harshest days of winter, along with any link left to Rook's father.
Rook believed the templars. Some of them were kind. Others less so, but he knew if he worked hard and sent coin, his brother would have an easier life in the Circle. There was never enough for letters, but Rook took comfort in knowing (believing) he helped.
Rook always thought that one day he would earn enough to pay for his brother's release, just like how prisoners would be once they served their terms or paid enough.
Then, when Émile was 18yo, Rook received a letter from the Chantry notifying him of his brother's failing his Harrowing, and "regrettably met his untimely demise."
In his grief, Rook couldn't see that his mother was grieving too. Rook decided to empty his coffer, buy things for his mother, pay the templars to smuggle Emile's ashes out. Then he joined the Grey Warden.
At this decision, his mother stopped talking to him. Rook thought his mother didn't understand that he just wanted to do something good. Being a warden is a noble thing. Why won't she understand?
He spent a few years in the grey wardens, making friends, flirting around without any intention for settling down. He felt free, and with purposes. Maybe Émile would approve of him. Maybe he would even forgive him for failing to be there, to protect him.
He went on a mission for months, and came back to learn the news that his mother had died. The funeral had been weeks ago. She passed away in her sleep.
He returned to his childhood home after years of being away. After years of not talking to his mother. There had not been any clearing up. He found a stack of letters in a box addressed to him.
Except the contents had been water damaged. The letters were illegible. His mother's attempts at communicating with her only son left were for naught. He never learnt what his mother thought of him, of his decision, or if she ever forgave him or understood that he had simply run away.
He wanted to ask her if the reason she was so mad with his decision to join the wardens was because his father had been a warden too, and he'd left because he'd had to go to his Calling, leaving a scar on his mother's heart. He heard stories, rumours of another warden with the same surname as his, but there was never any concrete proof. He wanted to ask if she had been afraid of losing her only son left, but couldn't do anything to stop him.
Rook's guilt and fear, then, is failing to be there for his loved ones when they needed him the most. That he keeps losing people without any chance for last words.
So when he meets Neve, he wants to believe in his own promise too. That he'd always be there for her. This one he doesn't want to lose.
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skitskatdacat63 · 2 years ago
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Oh...
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#tho im confused bcs i dont remember my calender giving me notifs about fp1 and fp2#but seeing this im like ....ah :(#also i dont think ill ever call this gp by its proper name#its either Imola or San Marino for me#(kinda laughing at myself from months ago when i was writing down race watch checklists)#(bcs sometimes id put the track name rather than the country)#(like writing down Nürburgring(Europe) rather than just Europe or writing down Suzuka(Japan) instead of just Japan)#(like bro those lists are only for my eyes why did i feel the need to flex that i know the track names LMAO)#(i understand writing Imola *now* instead lf Emilia Romangna bcs its a lot shorter)#(but why did i write Imola and Monza for my 2005 checklist rather than San Marino and Italy)#(again: flexing that i know the tracks but to myself i really dont understand my past thought processes sometimes)#but speaking of race checklists#I wrote down the schedule in my notebook before the season began like by a few months i think#i had to cross out the numberings bcs china got canceled AND UGHHHHHH NOW ITS EVEN MORE MESSED UP#i dont even reference that schedule bcs its all in my phone calender but just its mere messed up presence bothers me sm#so like its 22 races for sure now right? like i can call monaco round six yes? i think its 8 in my book lmao#but UGHHHHHH the fact that all the races are moved back one is gonna get on my nerves so badly#bcs i have a legitimate checklist i fill out and now its inacurate....i swear if imola gets rescheduled i will just burn the notebook#anyways :)#still havent done thst placement exam bcs i got sidetracked and now its 6:30 am! i need to sleep!#catie.rambling.txt
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pastel-peach-writes · 2 months ago
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Hii, i just read all and i mean ALL of ur fics, but i saw you wrote for arcane women and was wondering if you could write headcanons abt them with a socially awkward/anxious reader?? If not thats A-Ok 👌 with me
Sure! How is everyone doing after the first three eps? I still haven't seen it but the edits I've seen... oh boy.
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"I Got You." | Arcane Ladies Headcanons
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╰┈➤ PLOT: How the ladies of Arcane(Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Sevika, Mel) act with a socially awkward and/or anxious partner
╰┈➤ WARNINGS: Spoiler Free, On The Shorter Side, Cursing, Not Proofread
⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ
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JINX
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– At first, Jinx didn't get that you were socially awkward. She was used to people being awkward or even scared around her so she thought it was the same case with you until you two got closer.
– After knowing that your awkwardness was just you and not your fear of her, she observed you in social situations and noted what made you more anxious than normal.
– For example, she noticed you're more anxious and timid in bigger, louder spaces but if a space was quiet and quaint, you would be just fine so she often took you to quiet places for dates.
– If Jinx notices you're anxious in places you typically aren't, without a doubt she's removing you from the situation and taking you home where you can relax. No words, just grabs and tugs.
– She's tried the pep talk route before but it ended up in her rambling and somehow planning a terrorist scheme aloud... (yeah, a few patrons quickly left the area after hearing that), so she decided to scrap that idea altogether.
– At home though she would prepare what she calls, "A Safety Nest". It was a place in your shared space that had all your favorite things and trinkets, and she usually kept the space dimly lit and played your favorite music to calm you down.
– In social interactions where you take the lead in conversation, Jinx would quietly encourage you with big, almost alarming smiles and "gentle" pats on your back. Let's face it, Jinx can be socially awkward herself.
– Once the conversation concludes, she'll jump on you proudly, ruffle up your clothing, and pinch your cheeks endearingly all while calling you weird nicknames and quoting what you said while mimicking your tone and cadence.
––
VI
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– Before you've had your first real conversation together, Vi could sense that you were an anxious individual.
– You fidgeted with your body while speaking, didn't hold eye contact long, and used a decent amount of filler words to casualize your sentences.
– She thought it was endearing to watch you act and move as if you thought no one truly cared about what you were saying or were afraid of boring others but you never bored her. She didn't think it was possible.
– You had tells and quips that revealed themselves with each conversation you two had. You showed more and more of your personality the more you got comfortable with her too. Vi loved it.
– When you spoke to her, especially when you went on tangents about things you were interested in, she always showed signs of active listening by nodding and asking follow-up questions. Even days later, she'll bring up the topic again to see if you have any updates.
– She made you feel seen and heard, something you've subconsciously craved. And when you went on your worry rambles, she consoled you and tried her best to stop you from spiraling.
– You thought about a lot of things and oftentimes about things no one else thought about. Vi thought your brain must've been exhausted with all the worries, doubts, and judgments that were usually wrapped up as others' but were truly your own; it was a lot for one person to handle so she strove to let you know that you were not alone.
– Is there a night you can't sleep because of your racing mind? Vi is there, holding you or reassuring you that everything is going to be okay. She can't sleep until you do anyway so why not speed the process along?
– You often had yourself stuck with your head stressing and worrying about multiple things at once and Vi was always there to bring you down to Earth.
__
CAITLYN
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– Caitlyn's an encourager and a comforter with you.
– She's patient and silently allows you to take your time when gathering your thoughts midconversation but she'll also be the one to say, "It's okay, take your time," in the sweetest way possible.
– If there's an instance when you two are out and about and you really want something but are too scared to get it, she'll spring into action and get that thing for you. (Even if it was just a napkin).
– The only time she's frazzled socially is when you both are in an unfamiliar area and need to ask for directions. She'll stumble over her words and try to get someone's attention but they're moving too fast to hear her soft words.
– She'll get frustrated and you end up comforting her, but after a few backrubs, she's ready to try again. Her voice is strong and powerful, and people have no problem hearing her.
– You secretly thank whomever you have to for her determination but there was no way in hell you were going to walk up to a stranger and ask for directions like a tourist... which you were.
– Since Caitlyn's job has her socializing with a lot of people, she can get burnt out easily. Especially if work hasn't been going her way lately but even if she's burnt out and tired, if you seem to be more awkward or anxious than her, she's more than happy to step up socially.
– When you both have someplace to attend to or some event that holds significance, Caitlyn will not hesitate to stage a "social rehearsal" with you. She'll make flashcards of topics you could bring up, you'll both dress accordingly for the event in her living room, and she'll pretend to be an assortment of people so you can get used to different personalities all at once.
– It may seem like this is all for you, but honestly it helps her too. Sometimes she misses the personal cues of conversation leading the other to think she's a black-and-white thinking who has no time for pleasanties. Not true! She's very pleasant... sometimes she's just shy.
– Shyness is not a crime!
– After talking with the host and a few others she has to talk to due to her job, her social battery is depleted. She's extremely thankful you're able to recognize this and suggest leaving early. What would you two do without each other?
––
SEVIKA
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– Oh, man. This lady found your awkwardness charming as hell.
– Your awkwardness was different than all the nerds and scaly-beings she's forced to be around. You were cute, looked perfect sitting next to her, and your awkwardness, as mentioned before, had a certain charming quality she can't quite place.
– She'll see you in your workplace trying to make casual conversation or small talk but none of your topics seemed to be landing. Your coworkers would give you a thin pressed-lips smile that she wanted to strike off of them to your attempts and then scoff at you behind your back.
– You were authentically yourself and those bastards didn't know what to do with it. They were scared, not her though.
– When you two got closer and comfortable enough with each other that you could tease one another or make playful jabs at the other's expense, no doubt she would tease you about your awkwardness.
– With those gorgeous eyes of yours, you would look everywhere else but her own, prompting her to say, "You know you can look me in the eyes, right? I won't bite", with the stupidest most shit-eating smirk on her face. And then when you look at her, a bit shocked and playfully annoyed, her smirk would only grow. "Unless you want me to."
– Sevika never made your awkwardness seem like a flaw. Your awkwardness came with you and she wanted all of you so she often encouraged your awkwardness.
– If she caught you trying to "reel" it in or realizing that you've talked for a few seconds too long, she'll playfully scold you and tell you to continue or to "let it out". Y'know. As someone who seethes dominance does.
– There would be an instance in which you go to Sevika asking for advice to be "less awkward" and her only response would be, "Why? I like your awkwardness, you don't need to change it. Anyone else who thinks otherwise is a sad loser and don't deserve to be in your life anyways."
– like damnnnn, okay!
– Safe to say you never asked her a question like that again.
--
MEL
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– Mel understands your worries about what others think and the awkwardness that can come with it so she likes to help you in any way she can.
– If you're stressed about a council meeting and afraid of what everyone's going to think about the new perspective you'd like to bring to the table, she'll reassure you and tell you she's right by your side.
– If she can't physically with her hand on the small of your back, she give you nods of encouragement, raise her brows proudly, and look at you with that sense of pride and admiration in her golden eyes.
– After the meeting goes well, which she knew would, she'll congratulate you with your favorite drink and a night in doing all your favorite things.
– Even if there were parts in the meeting that were rocky, like the council people asking questions you weren't prepared for or getting rowdy, she'll say you did an excellent job and what you presented will help the people of Piltover.
– Oh, and don't think for a second that she wasn't sending glares and daggers to those who stirred up your anxiety even more. If looks could kill.
– Mel sees that sometimes your awkwardness and anxiety result in people-pleasing and she would shut that down real quick. She's fallen into that dangerous pool before and knows how hard it feels when you disappoint others and how much harder it is to get out of that mindset.
– She can get quite spirited with her encouragement...
– "Well, if they don't like it, that's on them! They don't know something good when they see it." "I've learned that hard way that you can't please everyone. You might as well say what you have to now. They can get over themselves later."
– It's actually quite attractive to see her stand up for you, even if she was standing up for the possibility.
– Always keeping her words in your mind, you find yourself navigating through life easier and you only have her to thank.
WC: 1,705
1K notes · View notes
healmydesires · 3 months ago
Note
Ok so the recent post that you made on my filthy thot Logan how about you take the led of dominance one night instead of Logan and he absolutely loves it
a/n: nonnie, this is sooooo hot. I kinda had to adjust it a bit tho <3 hope you don’t mind! thank you for sending this!!! 🩷 mwah
you got my attention ꕤ (l.h)
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pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader
summary: Though Logan lets you take control and show your appreciation, in the end, you're still the one begging for him.
genre: smut (with some fluff in the end tbh) (18+ mdni)
word count: 5,8k
warnings/tags: established relationship, same universe as this fic, porn with barely no plot, reader is described as shorter than logan, lap dance, unprotected sex, piv sex, soft!dom logan, sub!reader, use of handcuffs, slight choking, dry humping, oral (f!receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, slight orgasm denial / edging but it’s short ngl, overstimulation, face sitting, doggy, rough sex, major size kink, praise kink, dirty talk. some daddy kink? breeding kink fuck sorry. I wrote this while I’m on my period lol. lots of pet names. this is high key filthy. reader has hair, no further description though. after care. this is not beta read sorry!
this goes without saying, but if you don't like it don't read it <3
AO3 • masterlist
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You're sitting on the bed you share with Logan, waiting for him to enter the bedroom where you're dressed in soft, pastel lilac lace lingerie. You've been intimate with Logan many times before, so you know what to expect, but this time feels a little different. Your heart is racing, and you're feeling a bit anxious. Logan usually takes control in the bedroom, but tonight, you've been wondering what it would be like if you were the one to take the lead.
If there's one thing you love doing, it's teasing Logan. You thrive on the thrill of acting out just to get a reaction from him, and you enjoy being a brat more than anything. You love being submissive, and there's nothing you'd rather be. 
But the thought of making him feel like you're in control, even if only for a few minutes, gets you all hot and bothered. You know Logan might take back control quickly, but just having that moment of power excites you.
You’ve always thought that stripping for Logan or putting on a show would be something fun to try one night. The idea of showing him how much you appreciate him by dancing to sensual music while he sits back on a chair or the couch, watching your body move, excites you. Just thinking about it makes you feel hot and turned on.
Logan’s entrance pulls you out of your thoughts as the door swings open. His eyes lock on you immediately, taking in the sight of the delicate lingerie clinging to your skin. “Hi, pretty girl,” he says with a playful smile, clearly appreciating the little fabric you're wearing. 
The lingerie you’re wearing is a lilac set with turquoise and lilac flowers embroidered onto the lace. The cups of your balconette bra are pretty transparent unless it’s for the floral details at the top to the middle of the cups, barely covering your nipples. You can see his eyes travel from your chest to your waist as he takes in the elastic band, covered with the same lace pattern, of the suspenders. His eyes linger a bit too long as he takes in the small thing that barely hides the curves of your ass. A matching thong, the elastic band sitting just below your suspenders. Logan’s eyes wander from your covered core to your shoulders as he notices the lilac see through robe with lacy details hanging off your shoulders loosely.
“Hi,” you manage to respond, your voice soft and trembling. Your cheeks heating up as his intense gaze travels up and down your body, sending a wave of warmth through you. For a brief second, you feel the familiar pull to submit, to let him take control like always. But then you remind yourself to stick to your original intentions.
You swallow hard, your heart pounding in your chest. Sticking to your original plan, you clear your throat and muster the courage to speak, despite the stutter. “C-could you, uh, sit in the chair?” You ask, nervously. Logan raises an eyebrow, intrigued by your request.
An amused smile then tugs at the corners of his lips as he nods briefly, surprised but clearly understanding what you're trying to do. “Are you asking or telling?” Logan teases, his voice smooth, challenging, and dripping with amusement.
The playful tone sends a shiver through you, momentarily shaking your confidence. You know he’s testing you, waiting to see if you’ll follow through. Swallowing the nervousness building inside you, you take a slow, deep breath, determined to stick to your plan, no matter how intimidating his presence feels right now.
His response makes your heart pound in your chest. Mustering up every ounce of confidence you can find, you lock eyes with him and say, “I said go sit in the chair.” The words feel foreign on your tongue, definitely out of character for you, but there's a spark of amusement in Logan's eyes that encourages you to keep going.
You can tell he’s entertained by this rare side of you, and though it feels strange, the thrill of his reaction pushes you to stick with it. His eyebrow raises slightly, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips, and for a moment, you feel a rush of control that excites you even more.
Logan never takes his eyes off you as he makes his way to the chair in the corner of the room. Settling into it, he leans back, his posture relaxed, yet his gaze remains sharp and unwavering. You watch as takes off his shirt and pulls down his jeans, exposing his hard cock pressing against his boxers. The look he gives you, despite your attempt to take control, makes it clear he still holds the power. His mischievous eyes silently tell you he could end your little fantasy whenever he chooses, effortlessly reminding you of who’s really in charge, even as he watches you with quiet anticipation.
Logan watches you walk towards the closet, opening it before you kneel down on the soft carpet in front of it as your hand tries to reach for something inside the closet. His eyes travel to your ass, observing your curves, how plump your ass looks. The way your cheeks squeeze the barely there material between them.
You can practically feel his eyes burning into you—more specifically, your ass—because you know exactly where he's staring. The heat of his gaze makes you bite your bottom lip in anticipation. After rummaging for a moment, you finally find what you’re looking for and stand up slowly, making sure to give Logan a lingering view of your curves. The sound of his low groan reaches your ears, sending a thrill through you. You close the closet doors and turn around, carefully hiding the vivid pink, silky handcuffs you picked up along with the lingerie just days ago.
Keeping the handcuffs tucked behind your back, you walk slowly toward him, not quite ready to reveal your little secret yet. As you reach him, you lean down to plant a soft, teasing kiss on his lips. It ends far too quickly for his liking, and a deep grunt escapes his throat as you pull away, leaving him wanting more. Your hand trails lightly from one of his shoulders, across his chest, to the other, the soft touch of your fingers making his skin feel like it's on fire. You can feel the tension radiating off him, his body almost trembling from the contact, as you circle behind him. You know he could moan from just the simple touch, and the thought of having him on edge excites you even more.
You take the handcuffs, the sound of the metal clinking behind him making Logan’s ears perk up. You hook one around his wrist, half-expecting him to protest, but when he remains silent, you continue and secure the other cuff in place. You lift your head to his neck, leaning down to press a soft kiss at his pulse point, making him moan as you finish up behind him. Walking back to face him, you notice a playful smile spread across his face, a look that makes your heart race.
“What?” you ask, mirroring his amused expression, but a sudden wave of self-consciousness washes over you as you realise he’s not taking you seriously at all.
“Nothing, princess,” Logan shrugs, his grin widening. 
You roll your eyes at his nonchalance. “Sure.” Normally, on any other day, Logan would have you pinned beneath him or bent over his knee, spanking you until your skin is flushed and raw. But tonight, he finds it endearing to watch you take charge. So, instead of resisting, he decides to lean into it. In fact, he’s more than willing to let you explore this new dynamic and see just how far you’ll take it.
Then, you lean down and plant a soft kiss just beneath his ear, eliciting a deep groan from him. “Now sit back and watch. Let me take care of you,” you whisper seductively in his ear, your breath warm against his skin. With that, you glide toward the desk, feeling the thrill of anticipation coursing through you as you search for the perfect song to dance to. 
A smile spreads across your face as you finally settle on a track that feels just right. Pressing play, the smooth beats of "Sway" by Majid Jordan fill the room, setting the mood with its sultry rhythm. As the music envelops you, you can sense Logan’s eyes on you, filled with a mix of curiosity and desire. The moment feels electric, and you know it’s time to give him a show he won’t forget.
You stride toward the bed, positioning yourself right in the center of the room, directly in front of him. As the singer begins to croon the lyrics, you let the robe slide down your shoulders, pausing just at your elbows, deliberately teasing him with each movement. Swaying your hips slowly to the beat of the song, you lick your lips, feeling the heat of his gaze on you. 
With each deliberate motion, your hands glide slowly up and down your chest, accentuating your curves as you keep your eyes locked on his. You circle your hips, letting the rhythm guide you, fully aware of the effect it has on him. The air is thick with tension, and you can feel the desire radiating from him, fueling your confidence as you embrace the moment.
Temptation, conversation, I hear what you sayin'~♪ 
You lose yourself to the song as you move your body closer to his, still keeping a good distance between you two. 
“Baby girl, you’re so hot…” Logan groans as his eyes admire your body, his eyes flicking back and forth from one place to the other like he doesn’t know where to look.
Playing safe but we're losing our patience~♪ 
With each sway (literally, like the title of the song) of your hips, you move to the rhythm of the song, feeling the music pulse through you as you notice his gaze tracing the curves of your body, lingering over every dip and contour.
The combination of his awestruck expression and your confident movements sends a thrill through you, urging you to keep going. You enjoy the way he watches, almost hypnotised, as you revel in the moment, fully aware that you’re in control.
Doin' things that my body is cravin'~♪ 
Your fingers wander from your hips to your backside and you squeeze your cheeks softly as you give Logan a show. The moment he sees you touching yourself like this, a low moan escapes his lips, and you can’t help but bite your own in response, revelling in the effect you have on him.
The pleasure of his gaze fuels your confidence, making you feel even more desirable. You relish the way he watches, captivated and hungry for more, as you continue to tease him, lost in the thrill of the moment.
So amazing the way that she moves~♪ She's my favorite dancer~♪ 
Seductively, you slowly turn around, then you sink yourself to the floor. Once on your knees, you crawl steadily towards him. As you’re slowly making your way to him, you’re never breaking eye contact as you smile up at him. 
As you draw closer, you rise up onto your knees, your hands gliding along his ankles and tracing up to his thighs. You gently spread his legs wider, making room for yourself between them. Logan's breath hitches in his throat at your boldness, and you can’t help but smile coyly as you bite your bottom lip, savouring his reaction. 
Your hands continue their journey, moving from his thighs to his hips and then to his waist, feeling the heat radiating off him. Slowly but sensually, you rise in front of him, each movement deliberate, exuding confidence and allure as you prepare to captivate him even further.
“You’re breathtaking…” he moans your name while your lips move to ghost over his lips. You feel and see his squirm against the hold of the handcuffs.
You smirk as you hover your hips over his lap. Using the music to your advantage, you move your body to the rhythm of the song, making sure to emphasise on your movements. Your arms around his neck as you slowly lower your lower body on his lap, sitting down, your heat against his clothed cock straining against his underwear. Pressing your needy and throbbing clit against his dick. His eyes are gazing into yours, all you can see is lust and desire. You grind against his crotch making Logan groan at your movements. Finally you lean down your lips against his, swallowing his moans in your mouth. 
“You’re the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.” He whispers breathily against your lips as you continue your little performance, swaying and grinding your hips against his. You hum with a smile before you capture his lips again. 
His mouth moves against yours, slow and passionate. He parts his lips slightly to catch his breath. Your tongue sweeps across Logan’s lips making him gasp, tongue wrapping itself against his a moment later, hot and wet and steady as you taste his mouth and kiss him deeply.
Your tongues slowly swirl and dance against each other as your hands wander all over his body. You feel your core clench around nothing and become even more wet the more you grind against him. You whimper at the feel of him bucking his hips against yours, wrapping your arms around his neck and initiating a hungry kiss. The thong you’re wearing surely ruined by now, clinging against your wet folds.
Soon the music would fade into the background as all you can focus on is him. Logan’s leaning his head forward as much as he can, wanting so badly to grab handfuls of your ass while slipping his tongue into your mouth. He moans into your mouth, biting and sucking on your bottom lip. 
You begin to rock your hips against his, dragging your core over his crotch, the friction sending pleasurable sensations coursing through you. However, a wave of self-consciousness washes over you, leaving you unsure about how to proceed. Despite this uncertainty, you continue the movement, instinctively seeking relief for the ache building in your core. 
Logan notices the hesitation in your movements, his perceptive gaze catching the flicker of insecurity in your eyes. He starts to thrust his hips against yours, urging you on. “Good girl, you can do it,” he says in his low, deep voice, the words igniting a whimper from your lips as you pick up the pace, guiding your hips a bit faster in response. 
“Need you, kitten. Please, I need to feel you. Take these panties off,” he pleads, his tone dripping with desire. You shake your head, refusing to comply, which only draws a chuckle from him as he watches you squirm on top of him.
“I don’t take orders from you. I’ll choose when I want to take them off,” you retort, feeling a thrill of defiance as his eyes wander from your face to your soaked panties. The big wet spot at the front betrays just how much you want his cock filling you up, pushing deep inside and making a mess.
“Just you wait until I’m out of these,” Logan replies, maintaining that boyish smile that makes your heart race. You hardly care about his playful threat; instead, you steady yourself on his shoulders and keep grinding your clit against his clothed cock. He’s right about the panties, but you’re not about to let him dictate the moment. Reaching down, you push the fabric aside, letting your pussy lips glide against him, the contact sending shivers through your body. 
“Oh, kitten,” he moans, captivated by the sight of your arousal dripping down onto his underwear. “Look at you.” His low, sultry voice sends a jolt of pleasure through you, the sensation of his throbbing cock against your wetness nearly overwhelming.
“Feels so fucking good,” you cry out, your eyes squeezing shut as waves of pleasure wash over you.
As the pressure builds toward your orgasm, you suddenly stand up, discarding the delicate lingerie that clings to you. As you’re undressing yourself in front of him he can’t help but growl. You glance at him cautiously, as he stares at you hungrily. You’re longing for him to taste you but feeling a hint of embarrassment about taking the initiative. It’s as if he can read your mind when he says, “Go ahead baby girl, let me taste you.” His encouragement sparks a rush of confidence within you, urging you to take control and fully embrace the moment.
His choice of words only heightens your arousal, making it feel as if he’s the one compelling you to act. Logan's cock is oozing with precum, and you can feel the dampness spreading on his underwear as you hook a leg over his shoulder, bringing yourself closer to him. 
You stretch a bit uncomfortably in this position, but any discomfort fades away the moment he leans forward and licks from your entrance to the top of your clit. 
A loud moan escapes you as his warm, wet tongue finally makes contact with your pussy. You sigh into the sensation, your eyes fluttering shut as you tangle your fingers in his hair, anchoring yourself as you urge him deeper. His tongue glides up your folds, skillfully exploring your puffy lips, occasionally pausing to plant soft kisses on your clit. He encircles your clit and sucks, pulling whimpering pleas from your mouth.
Logan groans against you, sending delicious vibrations coursing through your body as you tug on his hair, lost in the pleasure. You find yourself grinding your hips forward, desperately seeking more contact as your arousal drips down into his beard.
“That’s it, good girl, use my fuckin’ mouth,” he moans against you, taking your clit between his lips and sucking gently. He alternates between sucking it in and releasing it, the repetitive motion making your head spin. “Taste so good.”
“Fuck, Lo—” you whine as you grind yourself against his lips.
Each flick and tug sends you spiralling, and you begin to whine, yearning for his large fingers to fill your tight little hole. Frustration simmers beneath the surface as you slip deeper into that precious sub headspace, becoming acutely aware of his restrained hands. Logan picks up on your shift in mood immediately.
“Please, Lo,” you cry out, desperation lacing your voice. You need him so badly it borders on painful.
“Please, what?” he retorts, then dives his tongue into your clenching hole, making you gasp. He groans, fucking your little pussy with his tongue, his nose brushing tantalizingly over your clit. “This is what you wanted, ain’t that right?” 
“F-fuck, ah, I’m gonna c-cum,” you gasp, urgency spilling from your lips instead of a question. The relentless contact of his nose against your sensitive clit pushes you to the edge, and your pussy contracts around his tongue, releasing a wave of pleasure. You scream his name repeatedly, tugging at his hair with a mix of urgency and desperation, your ears ringing as the world around you fades into bliss, unaware of the metal cuffs breaking free.
You can feel his hands on your skin, the heat of your orgasm squirting out of you, painting his mouth beautifully as he continues to feast on your cunt. You breathe heavily as Logan moans loudly at the sweet taste of you, feeling both blissed out and utterly exposed.
You’re still coming down from your high when suddenly, you yelp in surprise as he lifts you with ease, your trembling legs instinctively wrapping around his body. In one fluid motion, Logan throws you onto the bed, and a whine escapes your lips as you feel the familiar neediness surge within you, your pussy so slick and wanting for more.
He pulls his boxers down, letting his erection finally spring free. Logan’s thick and big cock is so hard, dripping with precum and you almost whimper at the sight of it. He then makes his way up to the bed. Situating himself between your legs he smiles deviously. 
Oh—
“Get on your hands and knees for me, kitten. I’ll show you who’s in control.” 
Your cheeks flare up furiously at his request, you feel your body trembling with excitement as you flip on your stomach, getting on your hands and knees, your face down on the mattress as you raise your ass in the air for him. Logan groans when you wiggle for him, spreading your legs a bit more for him exposing more of your pussy.
You bite your bottom lip and can’t help getting even more aroused as you think about finally having him inside.
“Such a pretty pussy, baby. All dripping wet for me,” he whispers to you and you feel his fingers sliding up and down your slit and then opening your folds for him to see.
You wanted to tell him how he’s the only one that can do this to you, how much you love him, but then he grabs both of your ass cheeks in his hands, parting them as he quickly leans down and licks up your exposed pussy, catching you completely by surprise making you almost fall on the bed, your arms almost giving out on you.
You feel your inner walls clenching around nothing as he keeps licking up and down and sucking on your clit. When you whine, his tongue swirls around your entrance.
“F-fuck, s-so sensitive. Da-daddy please, oh—”
But then he pulls his lips away from your lower ones and you whimper desperately at the loss of the feeling of his tongue, only to have him kiss your lower back and up your spine, hands sliding up and down your body.
“Please,” you whine pathetically.
You can't see it, but he's smiling down at you, shaking his head as he revels in his victory over the battle for control. “What happened, baby? Suddenly you need my help?”
You shake your head yes rapidly, not caring how desperate you look. “Please, please, I’ll be good for you, please. I’ll be your good girl.” 
“I thought you wanted to be in control,” he pokes fun at you, his hips not touching as he places soft kisses down your back. You wish he was fucking into you already. You start to whine when you feel his thumb press into your clit. He doesn’t move it at all, just applies slight pressure and lets it rest there. “But you need your daddy, don’t you? You need me so badly. Pathetic little kitty.” 
“I-I do,” you gasp, frustrated by his unmoving thumb. Your body is trembling in anticipation. “Please daddy.” 
A moment later you feel him grind his thick cock against your dripping heat, you’re aching for him to fill you up. A loud moan fills the room along with your whines, with a strong grip on your hips a second later he eases the tip inside, making you gasp as your whole body trembles. 
“Please…” You whine desperately as you feel him halt his movements, a small portion of the tip only inside you. Wiggling your hips you try to push back against him but the strong hold that he has on you makes it hard for you to move.
“Patience baby girl,”
You whimper as he finally slides more and more of his thickness inside of you. You squeeze your eyes tightly as he fills you up. The pressure of his cock deep within your walls overwhelms you while you clutch the sheets below you in tight fists.
“Take it, princess. Take daddy’s cock.”
Then his massive cock is completely splitting you open. Logan thrusts his whole length into you, black dots cover your vision at the feeling of it. Your pussy pulses around him as you struggle to adjust to his size.
“Ah, fuck!” Tears are already dripping down your face onto the mattress. His cock is so big, long and hard and he makes your pussy and tummy feel so full of him. 
You whimper at the new angle, struggling to accommodate his impressive girth. It feels as though your pussy can never fully adjust to his size. As your walls squeeze around him, trying to adapt, Logan uses more force to push deeper, stretching you further. The sensation is intense, almost overwhelming, as it feels like you’re being torn open, split in half by his thickness.
“Oh, sweet girl. I’ve got you,” he soothes and starts moving, fucking you at an impossible pace. The sound of your ass slapping against him fills the room along with both of your frantic moans. His heavy balls are hitting against your clit with every thrust. The feeling is heaven on earth. 
All you can answer with are moans as they slip off your lips. Your mind goes blank as all you can do is focus on the feel of him stretching you, filling you up, so overwhelmed with bliss already. He thrusts deeper inside you, earning whines and moans as you continue to cry out his name. You try to tell Logan, breathlessly, about how good he makes you feel. The sound of your pleasure fuels his desire to fuck you better, urging him to do more. Logan picks up his pace, thrusting into you quicker, harder, hitting the spot that has your body going numb.
You claw at the sheets, burying your face into the mattress to muffle your screams. The air is all stuffy around you as his hips move faster, you whine as you try to push back your hips against his to take more of his thick cock. He moans at the sight, kneading your ass as he tries to bury himself more inside you, the tip hitting your cervix instantly. Your eyes roll back inside your head as you dig your fingers more into the bed, you mewl against the sheets at the overwhelming pleasure he’s giving you.
“F-fuck fuck fuck, this feels so goooohhhood daddy, p-please more…”
“Yeah? You love being filled with all of my cock don’t you?” He grunts as he slaps your ass once, making you cry out in pleasure. Your moans grow louder with each movement, blending with the slick sounds of your pussy meeting his dick over and over again. The sounds mix along with the little noises of pleasure escaping your mouth. 
“Does that feel good, pretty girl?” Logan asks as he leans down his body closer to yours making him hit your cervix repeatedly. You whimper and tremble underneath him as you nod, he moans against your ear as he whispers close to you. “Does it feel good? That I’m fucking you like this? Just the way you like it.”
“Yes, daddy. Fuck, please… Can I please cum?” you ask this time, completely out of breath. 
“No, you little brat,” Logan growls, picking up the pace even more. He grabs you by your hair, jerks your head up and pulls you back towards him. “Patience.” 
The delicious thrusts of his cock don’t falter as he presses your back into his chest. He wraps a strong hand around your throat, and the other arm holds you steady by the waist. 
“I can’t, I can’t,” you whimper repeatedly, your body trembling with need.
“Oh, I know you can,” he says aggressively. “I know you fuckin’ can. And you will.” 
He grinds his hips in circles, and you nearly scream from the overwhelming sensation. You desperately try to hold back the orgasm that's building rapidly, clenching your pussy tightly around his thick cock. He lets out deep moans at the feeling of you, fully aware that he’s close to cumming but wanting to savour your pussy for just a little longer. Logan slows his pace slightly, giving both of you a brief moment to catch your breath before he picks up the rhythm again, quick and rough.
“Look so pretty when you’re stretched around my cock, fuck, bet you look pretty full of my cum too.” Logan cursed when you purposefully tighten your walls around him. “I’m gonna fill this pussy up, kitten, make it all nice and full,” he promises.
The head of his cock rubs against your walls deliciously, snapping you out of your small daze as you nod frantically. “Yes, yesyes please. Fill me up daddy!” You’re whimpering with every thrust of his cock. 
“Tell me who’s in control and I’ll let you cum,” he says slowly into your ear, grip around your throat tightening a bit and making the feeling that more intense.
“You, Lo,” you manage to get out, “Always you.”
“Cum on my cock then,” Logan gives you permission. Another few thrusts is all it takes to send you over the edge, shouting out his name as your ears ring from the pressure. You’re on cloud nine as you let your body relax and feel the brutal pounding of his cock. It drags inside of you so perfectly, hitting every sweet spot you have. Your needy cunt is clenching, throbbing, and milking his cock while you cum all over him.  Logan groans in your ear as your walls spasm around his cock, milking him for his orgasm, desperate for him to fill you up the way he promised. “This pussy was made for me. So fuckin’ tight wrapped around me.” 
Your cum drips down both of your legs, coating his cock and balls, quickly forming a wet spot on the sheets beneath you. As the waves of your orgasm wash over you, Logan talks you through it, whispering dirty nothings in your ear. He gasps as you pulse around him, desperate for him to spill his load inside you, needing to witness him fall apart.
“Ah, shit—” he rasps, thrusting deeper, the bulbous head of his cock hitting your cervix with delicious force. “Are you going to take my cum like a good girl? Let me fill you up until you’re a messy little thing, hm?”
You shiver at his words, your mouth dropping open in awe as you close your eyes, completely lost in the sensation, nodding eagerly. “Please, please.”
Moments later, you feel him unravel against you, and soon his cum starts to shoot deep inside you. 
“Fuck, just like that,” he breathes, his voice thick with pleasure. “Such a good baby girl.”
As his thrusts come to a complete stop, he pulls out of you, and you let your body fall limp against the mattress, feeling utterly drained. Soon Logan wraps an arm around you, effortlessly spinning you around to pull you against his chest. He kisses you softly, and you moan at the taste of yourself still on his lips. As he pulls away, he gazes down at you with soft eyes and a charming smile, the warmth of the moment enveloping you both.
“Sorry for ruining your little plan,” Logan teases gently, a playful glint in his eyes.
“No, that’s okay,” you reply quickly, smiling up at him. “I figured I’d give it a try… but I feel like I’m not that great at it.”
He shakes his head, leaning closer. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, sweet girl. That was so fuckin' hot. In fact, I might want you to try it again.”
“Yeah?” you ask, your eyes brightening at his praise.
He nods, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “Maybe next time, I can teach you a thing or two about taking control.”
“Really?” You smile happily, your fingers running through his messy dark hair. 
“Mhm,” he hums, his heart swelling at your excitement.
Biting your lip bashfully, you shrug, looking up at him with a shy smile. “I much prefer having you in control, though.”
“That so?” Logan smirks mischievously, his hands beginning to wander all over your body, reigniting the familiar heat between you.
“Yes, you’re so hot when you’re dominant,” you giggle, leaning up to cover Logan’s face with playful kisses.
“Oh, just when I’m dominant?” he teases, smirking down at you with a playful glint in his eyes.
“Logan, you know what I mean!” you pout, continuing to pepper kisses all over his face. “You’re always hot!”
Logan chuckles, his deep voice vibrating through you as he gently cups your cheeks with both hands, trying to capture your lips. Once he does, he presses a series of quick, light pecks against your mouth, grinning widely. You giggle against him, the sound filling the space between you both as he keeps chasing your lips, clearly enjoying the lighthearted moment.
“I love you so much, baby. You mean everything to me,” Logan murmurs against your lips, his voice low and full of emotion. You wrap your arms around his back, pulling him closer as his warmth surrounds you. 
With a gentle roll, Logan shifts your bodies, laying you down so your back sinks into the softness of the blankets and pillows. His lips never leave yours as you feel yourself getting lost in the kiss, his hands still cradling your face, his thumb brushing tenderly across the skin under your eyes. 
“You’re everything to me too, Lo,” you whisper, your voice soft and full of affection, a smile tugging at your lips. “I love you.”
You’re both basking in each other’s presence, the quiet intimacy between you settling into something warm and peaceful. The earlier rush of passion has given way to a serene calmness, where even the soft rhythm of your breaths seems to sync together. Logan’s fingers trace idle patterns on your skin, and you feel completely at ease, wrapped in his embrace. 
Then, just as you’re lulled into this tranquil moment, you notice a familiar gleam of mischief in Logan’s eyes. His hands slowly slide down to your hips, fingers pressing lightly against your skin in a way that sends a subtle thrill through you. He caresses you slowly, and the soft strokes make your body stir. 
With a playful grin, he leans in, his lips brushing against your ear as he murmurs, “Another round?” His voice is teasing but full of intent, a promise of what’s to come. You feel the shift in his energy, playful yet laced with the kind of desire that tells you he’s far from finished with you tonight. 
“Logan!” you giggle, giving him a playful push, but he only grins wider. In a swift motion, he pulls you close again, silencing your laughter with a deep, passionate kiss. Your playful giggles soon turn into soft, breathy moans as his hands roam your body, and yours do the same, tracing the familiar lines of his muscles.
The night unfolds in a tangle of kisses and wandering hands, the air between you charged with love and desire. Every touch, every kiss, is a reminder of the bond you share, and the passion between you feels endless. The world fades away, and all that remains is Logan. His touch, his gaze, and the warmth of his presence pull you in, leaving you completely lost in him.
thank you for reading <3 mwah
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airybcby · 5 days ago
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જ⁀♡⊹。° i'm addicted to the ' if only '
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♡ a/n — for a new childhood friends to lovers series :) a little shorter than i wanted but yk
♡ word count — 1.1k
♡ content — sae itoshi x gn! reader, gn! reader, childhood friends to lovers, sae and reader are the " sit by this quiet kid so they rub off on you " kids i fear, mentions of sae going to spain, starts when they're in 5th grade ( does japan do elementary grades like that? idk. ) and goes all the way to the U-20 game, wrote this at midnight so sorry if it's confusing
♡ synopsis — From the moment Sae Itoshi said he loved you, you were his. The long-distance relationship wasn’t easy, but it didn’t matter. You had Sae, and that was enough. He was all you needed after all.
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You met Sae Itoshi when you were ten, in the fifth grade. You were the loud one, always raising your hand to answer questions, always running up to classmates to start games during recess. Sae, on the other hand, was quiet. His answers were sharp, direct, and to the point. He preferred to sit at the edge of the classroom, observing rather than participating.
When the teacher paired the two of you together for a science project, you knew immediately that this was going to be difficult.
"Can’t you just sit still for five minutes?" Sae asked, an exasperated edge to his voice as you twirled around with the sheet of paper that was supposed to outline your project plan.
"Nope!" you said with a grin. "Sitting still is boring."
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You’re impossible."
You should’ve hated him. He made it clear he found you irritating, and you had no interest in someone who acted like they were better than everyone else. But there was something about Sae that intrigued you—maybe it was the calmness that always seemed to settle around him, or the way he never tried to impress anyone.
To your surprise, by the time the project ended, he hadn’t abandoned you. Instead, he’d begrudgingly started helping you organize your thoughts, muttering under his breath every time you got distracted but staying by your side nonetheless.
Halfway through the school year, he stopped rolling his eyes when you dragged him outside to play soccer after school.
By the end of the year, you were spending every recess together. You teased him endlessly, calling him your best friend, even though he would only shrug in response.
But he never corrected you.
It wasn’t until you were twelve that you realized how much Sae had become a part of your life.
He wasn’t just your best friend—he was your favorite person. He was there for everything, from the boring group projects to the secret candy stash you shared during recess. He wasn’t just the quiet boy in the corner anymore. He was Sae, the person who made your days brighter without even trying.
One day, when you were both at the park, it hit you.
He was practicing soccer, as always. The golden light of the setting sun bathed his figure, making him look almost ethereal. He didn’t notice the way you were staring, too focused on juggling the ball with practiced ease.
You didn’t understand it then, but something inside you shifted. You found yourself watching him more closely, noticing the way his expression softened when he talked about soccer, the way he always let you have the last piece of candy, even though he’d complain about it afterward.
You liked him.
The realization was terrifying, but you pushed it down. Sae was your best friend, and you didn’t want to ruin that.
When Sae told you he’d been scouted to train in Spain, you didn’t know how to react.
You were happy for him—of course you were. Soccer was his dream, and this was everything he had ever wanted. But as you stood in the airport, watching him get ready to board his flight, all you could think about was how much you were going to miss him.
"Don’t cry," he said, his voice steady. He stood in front of you, his suitcase at his side, his hands shoved into his pockets. He looked so calm, so sure of himself, that it almost made you angry.
"I’m not crying," you lied, blinking furiously.
Sae’s gaze softened, just for a moment. "You’ll be fine without me," he said. "You always are."
But you weren’t.
High school was different without Sae.
The loud, hyper child you used to be was gone, replaced by someone quieter, someone who didn’t raise their hand as much in class or run around during lunch breaks. The hole Sae left behind was too big to fill, and you didn’t know how to be yourself without him by your side.
But at night, when your phone buzzed with his Facetime calls, everything felt okay again.
When you were fifteen, one of those calls changed everything.
You were sitting on your bed, rambling about your day, filling the silence with every little detail you could think of. Sae’s face on the screen was calm, as always, but there was something different about his expression.
"I love you," he said suddenly, cutting you off mid-sentence.
Your heart stopped.
"What?" you whispered, your voice barely audible.
"I love you," he repeated, his tone steady, like he had been waiting to say it for a long time. "I’ve loved you for a while."
Tears welled up in your eyes. "I love you too," you said, your voice trembling.
From that moment on, you were his. The long-distance relationship wasn’t easy, but it didn’t matter. You had Sae, and that was enough.
When you were seventeen, everything started to fall apart.
Sae’s texts became shorter, his calls less frequent. You told yourself it was because he was busy—Spain was demanding, and soccer always came first for him. But the doubt lingered, gnawing at the edges of your mind.
One night, he called you.
You were so excited to hear from him that you didn’t notice the tension in his voice. You launched into your day, telling him about school, your friends, everything he had missed. He stayed silent until you finally asked, "Sae? Are you still there?"
"I’m here," he said. His tone was cold, unfamiliar. "I wanted to talk to you about something."
Your stomach twisted. "What is it?"
"You’re a bother," he said, his voice flat. "We should break up."
The words didn’t register at first.
"What?" you whispered, your voice shaking. "Sae, what are you talking about?"
"You’re holding me back," he said, his tone as sharp as a blade. "I don’t have time for this anymore."
And just like that, the boy you'd grown to love - your best friend - was gone.
A year later, Sae returned to Japan for the U-20 vs. Blue Lock match.
You hadn’t heard from him since the breakup. Not a single text, not a single call. But even after everything, you couldn’t help but hope. He was still your best friend… right?
You looked for him everywhere—in the streets you used to walk together, in the soccer fields where he used to practice. But he was never there.
The night of the game, you sat alone in your room, watching him on the TV.
He was brilliant. Every move, every goal, was flawless. The Sae on the screen was a stranger, a far cry from the boy who used to roll his eyes at your jokes and share his candy with you.
It doesn’t feel right, you thought, not knowing the Sae that’s out there, shining so brightly.
And maybe, you realized, you never would.
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no one said all of these had to be happy. childhood best friends to lovers to strangers anyone ?
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!
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imaginespazzi · 18 days ago
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Our Merry Eternity
And she swears that every Christmas season, it feels like they fall deeper and deeper in love with each other.
(In which a writer would like to argue that a day after Christmas, is a perfectly reasonable time to release a Christmas fic)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Fluff, fluff, fluff with some hurt/comfort and angst if you squint
Words: 9.4K (if I could write things shorter maybe y'all would get things faster but alas)
TW: Implied sexual content/suggestive content, mentions of divorce, mentions of injuries, swearing
A/N: MERRY (one day after) CHRISTMAS MY LOVIES <3 It seems like everyone wanted domestic fluff and who am I to deny the people what they want (even if it is a little later than I intended it to be) and I didn't realize how much I missed eternity-verse till I wrote this. I'mma keep this short and sweet and go through the basics. Such as the fact that I did not edit. I eventually will but for now, feel free to let me know about any grammar/spelling/formatting issues. And even though I haven't had the time to go through my inbox in a hot second, I promise I will soon so as always, let me know what you liked, what you didn't and what you'd like to see in the future. Have a lovely rest of your holidays my angels <3
It’s beginning (to look a lot like Christmas) 
Paige isn’t the biggest fan of Christmas; she doesn’t dislike it by any means but she’s never understood the fascination everyone else seems to have with it. Perhaps it’s because when she was younger, Christmas had been her parents’ favorite holiday to try and one-up each other. They’d competed in everything, from how big the tree was to how evenly spread the icing on the cookies were. Eventually the excitement of getting a big expensive present from one parent that would only be rivaled by an even bigger, more expensive present from the other wore off and all that was left was this hollow feeling of being torn in two. Her parents have matured now -no longer in a constant battle for her approval now that they had other kids to focus on as well- but the magic of Christmas had long worn off and Paige hadn’t bothered trying to rediscover it. 
Until now. 
Because right now, watching -through a facetime call that’s been running for almost four hours now- Azzi run around Walmart, searching for decorations and presents with her exasperated family in tow, almost feels a little magical. The way the younger girl’s eyes twinkle when she finds the perfect gift, the way her dimples deepen when she triumphantly wins an argument against her mother for an ornament her tree needs, makes Paige think that it would be so easy to fall in love with Christmas, if she got to spend it with Azzi. 
And it’s like Azzi’s reading her mind because suddenly the younger girl’s face is filling all of Paige’s screen as she holds the phone close to her face, lips pouting in a way that has the blonde feelings decidedly unfriendly feelings toward a girl she’s barely known for six months, but feels like a best friend she’s known all her life. 
“I wish we could spend Christmas together,” Azzi says with a slight whine, “and then you could help me with all of this. They’re absolutely no help-” her last sentence is cut off by her family and Paige laughs as the Fudds break out into a series of indignant protests. 
“Oh so you just want me for manual labor or something huh?” Paige teases, leaning back against her bed and folding her arms across her chest, “and here I thought it’s cause you missed me.”
“I do miss you,” Azzi says matter-of-factly.
“Nah,” Paige shakes her head, “sounds like you just need another person to slave around for you.”
Azzi's mouth falls open at the accusation as the Fudds break into laughter behind her, the sound of it making something impossibly warm bloom in Paige’s chest. 
“I do not make people slave around for me.”
“Yeah you do. You’re the princess. You order us around and we do as we’re told.”
“Here, here-ow!” Jon’s noise of agreement is cut off by his sister elbowing him in the stomach, “do all that work and get rewarded by violence too.”
“I tell you I miss you and this is how you repay me?” Azzi asks, her voice tinged with drama. 
“Nah I still don’t believe you miss me,” it’s a lie; Paige is fully aware Azzi misses her -thinks that the younger girl has to feel at least a semblance of the emptiness she feels herself at the distance between them- but she likes making Azzi repeat it; likes the constant confirmation that Azzi misses her too. 
“Of course I miss you P, after all,” Azzi’s eyes glint with mischief, “we’re engaged aren’t we? A girl’s gotta miss her fiancé.”
The cavalier use of the tone of endearment makes Paige freeze. It’s a joke; a callback to the fact that Paige had practically threatened Azzi that she’d have to marry her if the younger girl won their little pop-a-shot competition last summer at the Minnesota State fair. Paige hadn’t been thinking, it had just slipped out but then Azzi had won the game and then there were rings being exchanged and somehow the whole thing had become one big running joke between the two of them. Except, the idea of forever with Azzi doesn’t feel much like a joke to Paige. It feels like a wish, a hope, a want, a need  something she’s not quite ready to admit to herself yet. 
“I miss you too Az,” Paige says softly as they grin at each other through the phone, “can’t wait to see my best friend soon.”
Thirteen days to be exact -they’d planned to spend the last half of winter break together- but it’s not like Paige is crossing the days off of her calendar or anything. 
“Fiancé,” Azzi corrects and Paige’s heart flutters despite her brain trying to remind her that this is just a bit they’re playing at. 
“Right, so fiancé,” the word tastes like sugar cookies and marshmallows on the tip of her tongue, “you get my present yet?”
“You know I have and before you ask,” Azzi gives her a knowing look when Paige excitedly opens her mouth, “no I won’t give you a hint about what it is.”
“But Azziiiiiii-”
“Absolutely not Paige,” Azzi says firmly, “presents are meant to be surprises.”
“Aren’t fiancés meant to tell each other everything?” Paige scrunches her nose. 
“Not this. Christmas presents are a sacred secret,” the younger girl replies gravely. 
“And who made you an expert on all things Christmas presents?”
“Santa did,” Azzi retorts haughtily. 
Paige snorts, “well Santa doesn’t ex-”
“PAIGE MADISON BUECKERS,” Azzi yells and the blonde can tell by the way she winces immediately that the younger girl’s little outburst had gotten her more than a couple of wary looks, “Paige Madison Bueckers,” she hisses again, her voice much quieter this time, “you take that back right now!”
“Az-”
“Take it back!”
“Bro you’re fifteen years old,” Paige argues. 
“Believing has no age,” Azzi hums airily, “now take it back.”
“Nope!”
“Take it back or I’ll end our engagement,” Azzi threatens and Paige blanches at ultimatum. 
“You wouldn’t,” she gasps. 
“Try me.”
Paige is sixteen and she’s only really just started to learn what love is, but she thinks, as she sits on her bed bickering on facetime over the most ridiculous of topics with a girl who makes her feel things she’s never felt before, that maybe love is just something as simple and crazy as pretending admitting Santa is real so she can prevent her fake engagement, that’s almost beginning to feel a little much like a real promise, from being called off.
2. With you (under the mistletoe)
The truth is that neither of them quite remember what started the fight or even really why it had continued after. All they know is that one minute everything had been fine and then the next minute, they were fuming at each other and their plane ride back to the DMV for Christmas had passed in uncharacteristic silence. They'd parted ways at the airport -glumly sauntering over to their waiting families while decidedly avoiding looking over in each other’s directions- with a dreadful mixture of regret, guilt and the feeling of missing each other. But despite the fact that they were both clearly miserable, Paige and Azzi were both too stubborn and too eager to prove which one of them could be more stubborn. This was their first true fight after they’d gotten together earlier this year, and they were both adamant that the other one would apologize first. 
But Azzi can feel the urge to cave in grow stronger and stronger by the minute as she feels Paige’s body against her own as the blonde reaches over the younger girl to grab something from the shelf. The contact is unnecessary and she knows Paige is doing it on purpose, trying to get a reaction and it takes every inch of self-control Azzi has to not shiver as the older girl presses herself against her back, acting like whatever she’s grabbing isn’t right at the front of the shelf. Azzi tries to focus on the cookies she’s icing, tries to keep her hands still as she traces the outline of a star in royal icing, tries to do anything but focus on the way Paige’s warm breath is tickling against the back of her neck. 
It’s two days till Christmas and the Fudd family and friends have gathered to do their annual cookie baking and decorating tradition. And Katie had been clear that no matter what issues Paige and Azzi were having, they wouldn’t interfere with the open invitation that Paige had always had -since she’d moved to the DMV but even before that really- to join them throughout the Christmas festivities. Azzi had pretended to be a little miffed by it but secretly she’d been hoping that her girlfriend -god she still got such a thrill out of being able to call her that- would show up. They’d only really been apart for a day, but since they’d met, Paige and Azzi hadn’t gone often without talking to each other -whether it was in person or through text or on the phone- and so 24 hours had felt a little bit like 24 years and Azzi had spent every second missing the girl who’d long since become a part of her soul. And even though Paige had grunted about only being here for Drew’s sake, Azzi knows -by the way the blonde’s eyes had drunk in the sight of her when she’d let her into the house, by the way her stiff shoulders had relaxed just by being near her again- that Paige had missed her just as much. 
But neither of them are quite ready to admit it yet, and so, as they bustle around the confined space of the Fudd’s kitchen, Paige continues to find ways to light Azzi’s skin on fire and Azzi continues to pretend it isn’t making her burn with want. 
“Noooooooo,” a drawled out whine from the kitchen table has Azzi and Paige jumping away from each other as they both turn to look at Drew. 
Azzi’s eyes widen and Paige bursts into laughter as they take in the scene in front of them. Clearly the little boy had overestimated his strength and the piping bag had burst and now Drew stands by the table, his lips slightly parted in shock, as the red icing -originally intended for the Santa hat cookies- drips down the front of his shirt. Jon and José are doubled down in their chairs, tears practically streaming down their faces as the sound of their laughter echoes through the walls. 
“Oh my god,” Paige manages to get out between her giggles, “what did you do Drewskie.”
“Nothing,” her little brother immediately defends himself, “it literally burst out of nowhere.”
“Sure it did little Hulk, sure it did,” José teases as he swipes his finger over Drew’s ruined shirt and then licks the icing off of it, the casualness of it causing Jon and Paige to burst into another round of laughter while Azzi tries as hard as she can to keep her own giggles contained but a smile slips through the cracks. 
“It’s not funny,” Drew stomps his feet petulantly, “I’m all sticky and icky and gross. Azzi,” he looks at the brunette with imploring eyes, “tell them to stop- OH MY GOD ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME TOO.”
Azzi's eyes widen as she tries to protest, “no of course not. C’mon let’s get you a new-”
But before she can put her plan into action, clearly Drew has a different idea and before Azzi can stop it from happening, the little boy is grabbing another piping bag -this one with green icing- and aiming it straight at Jose. There’s a split second of silence as the green icing arcs through the air, almost in slow motion, before landing with a splat on Jose’s newly bought t-shirt. And then the room bursts into chaos as Drew immediately dives behind Azzi’s legs, Paige and Jon continue to lose their minds laughing and José lets out a loud scream. 
“WHAT THE FU-”
“José language,” both Paige and Azzi reprimand immediately and José glares at them but corrects himself anyways. 
“What the fudge dude,” José scowls at Drew, “this is a brand new shirt.”
For his part, the little boy shrugs, “I thought you liked eating icing off of shirts. I figured I’d make it easier and let you eat it off of your own shirt. 
If it’s possible this somehow makes Jon and Paige laugh harder and instead of focusing his wrath on Drew who’s still nestled behind Azzi’s legs, José turns on the two of them instead. 
“You guys think this is SO funny don’t you,” he says menacingly, grabbing for two more piping bags. 
“José no,” Paige is the first one to recover as she tries to turn away from the mess but it’s too late, and just as she’s trying to bolt out the door, she’s stopped by a glob of pink icing landing with a splat on the back of her plain white shirt. 
“Oh you’re so dead,” Paige whispers angrily as she turns around, grabbing another bag of icing and aiming it directly at José’s face. 
And then there’s no stopping anyone as Azzi watches as all the beautiful icing she’d painstakingly made and dyed into different colors begins to be thrown all over the kitchen, a rainbow painting itself all over the walls and floors. Drew darts out from behind her legs, joining into the mayhem as he starts to pelt Jon with all sorts of colors. 
Seeing them all distracted and knowing it’s only a matter of time before she gets sucked into all of it, Azzi slowly tiptoes backwards, wanting nothing to do with the mess, and she’s just about to turn around and run up the stairs when a low voice echoes behind her. 
“And where do you think you’re going,” because of course Paige had noticed her trying to escape; Paige always noticed when it came to Azzi. 
“Paige,” Azzi warns slowly, trying to move away from the other girl, her eyes fixated on the purple icing in the blonde’s hands, “please.”
Paige smirks as she takes another step towards Azzi, “this is a little unfair isn’t it?”
“Hey I didn’t start any of this,” Azzi puts her hands up in surrender, choosing to back away from the stairs and towards the living room instead, “go fight the people who did.”
Paige shakes her head as she takes another step, “I already got ‘em all. Amateurs,” she says cockily, “they think they can beat me in a food fight.”
Azzi rolls her eyes, “is there anything you’re not arrogant about?”
“Can’t help that I’m good at everything,” Paige shrugs and Azzi’s about to come up with a snarky retort when the blonde’s eyes soften, “except I guess- I guess I’m not too great at apologizing.”
Gone is the air of overconfidence that had surrounded the older girl just a second before and in her place is that soft, vulnerable Paige that Azzi is so desperately in love with and she can’t help but take a step towards the blonde. 
“We should both probably apologize huh,” she says quietly, “think we both said some petty shit we didn’t mean.” 
It’s true; they’d known each other so long and so deeply that they knew exactly how to push each other’s buttons, how to say the exact wrong thing to rile each other up when they were frustrated. The fight had been inevitable; an explosion of all the angst that existed between two athletes who were both fighting injuries and watching their team struggle without them. It had started with something little that Azzi can’t quite remember but then they were yelling about other things -Paige’s grievances about how Azzi had an irritating habit of hovering and Azzi’s issues with Paige’s tendency to close herself off- and it had ended with both of them near tears as they’d frustratedly stomped into their rooms. 
“I’m sorry,” Paige says it first, as she loops her arm around Azzi’s waist, bringing the younger girl as close to her as she can, “I love you. I miss you.”
Azzi smiles, her hands finding their rightful place around Paige’s neck, not caring that the other girl is still covered in sticky icing,  “don’t gotta miss me baby. I’m right here,” she says softly, resting her forehead against the blonde’s, “I’m sorry too. I love you so much.”
“Look up,” Paige says softly, as she strokes Azzi’s cheek and the younger girl does as she’s told, laughing when she notices the mistletoe hanging above them. 
“Kissing under the mistletoe? You’re so cliché Bueckers.”
“Clichés are clichés for a reason Az,” Paige hums faintly before she’s pulling Azzi into a searing kiss, holding her as tightly as she physically can. 
And yet Azzi still finds a way to tug her closer, trying to find a way to meld their bodies into one as she presses herself as close to Paige as possible. She’s just about to suggest they take this upstairs -because god has she missed being with Paige- when instead she feels the older girl pull away and before she can even react, she’s being hit in the face with a stream of bright purple icing. 
“PAIGE WHAT THE FUCK,”
“Sorry baby. Just couldn’t help myself,” Paige grins as she steps back into Azzi’s space, gently attaching her lips to Azzi’s cheeks as her tongue languidly licks away at the icing and this time the younger girl doesn’t even try to hide the way her body reacts to it, “I promise I’ll clean you up though.”
3. I’ll be home (for Christmas)
“I’m good I swear,” Azzi’s voice is raw and hoarse like it often gets when she’s been crying and despite the younger girl’s best efforts to put on a brave front, Paige can hear right through it. 
She cocks an eyebrow, shifting from her back onto her elbows and placing her phone -with the facetime call- against the headboard, “then why won’t you let me see your face?”
“It’s not me. Something’s up with my camera. I don’t know what,” and if it was anyone else, even someone else who also knew that Azzi had literally just gotten a new phone, maybe the attempted sincerity in the brunette’s voice would be enough to convince them that she was telling the truth. 
But Paige has every line of the Azzi Fudd façade memorized, knows exactly how to discern the little cadences in her girlfriend’s voice and read between the lines. She knows Azzi’s purposely refusing to show her face; knows that it’s probably because it would take Paige one glance at said beautiful, gorgeous, stunning face to know that there had been tears running down it just a little bit ago. 
The blonde sighs, choosing to let the lie go and instead focus on the precious few minutes she’s got to speak to her girlfriend in peace. This is the first time Paige and Azzi have truly been apart for an extended amount of time since the latter had gotten to UConn and somehow the past few weeks have felt worse than when they’d spent months and months apart. With Paige trying to lead an injury-riddled team and Azzi rehabbing another torn ACL, the opportunities to indulge in a proper facetimes call had been few and far between. And when they did finally find the team, it wasn’t just that they were physically tired; they were both emotionally drained too. It was hard recharging when their batteries -each other- were so far away and every call felt hollow; like something was missing. 
“I miss you,” Paige says finally, feet digging into her bed as she musters up a soft smile, wishing that she could see Azzi return it with one of her own instead of staring at a black screen with only her own face in the corner. 
“Tell me something I don’t know,” the younger girl says lightly and something uncomfortable churns in Paige’s stomach. 
“You uh- you haven’t said it back in a while,” she says slowly, trying to keep her voice casual. 
“Said what?”
Paige gulps, “that you miss me,” she gives Azzi a second to respond before her nerves have her speaking a mile per minute, “I mean not that you- not that you have to say it back or anything it’s just- you usually do- or like you always did and you just- you just haven’t said it back. And I mean I don’t say I miss you just so you’ll say it back or anything. I mean I do- you know- miss you and so that why I say it- because- because I miss you- I miss you so fucking much baby and I just- I just want you to know that but you haven’t- you haven’t said it back in a little bit and I just- Azzi,” her voice cracks as she tries not to let the tears slip through, “you do miss me don’t you?”
The other girl is quiet for so long that Paige thinks maybe she’s said too much; her mind rushes to the worst possibilities because what if Azzi really doesn’t miss her? What if her insecurities are right and the time apart has made Azzi realize that she wants something other than Paige?
“Of course I miss you Paige,” Azzi’s voice is thick with tears and all of Paige’s previous fears are replaced with worry instead, “god baby I miss you so fucking much. I miss you all the time and I’m sorry, fuck Paige, I’m sorry if I ever made you think I didn’t but baby- I-,” she’s heaving through her tears and Paige wishes she was with her; wishes she could wipe away her tears and hold her forever. 
“Azzi-”
“I haven’t been saying it back because- because-” Azzi pushes on, still struggling to speak but determined to say her piece, “I can’t okay? I can’t keep saying it Paige- I can’t keep telling you I miss you and hearing that you miss me when we can’t do anything about it. And I get it- okay- I get it. I get that you have to be with the team and I have to be here and do my rehab and we can’t- we can’t be together right but fuck- I hate it. I hate it so much.”
“Azzi,” Paige says again helplessly. 
She hates it too; hates that it’s so close to Christmas, so close to Azzi’s favorite holiday and her girlfriend is sobbing. 
“Shit. I’m being a terrible girlfriend aren’t I? You have a game in a couple of hours and here I am being a fucking selfish wet wipe instead of wishing you luck. Fucking hell,” Azzi curses and Paige can picture her frantically pulling herself together as she tries to change her tone. 
“You could never be a terrible girlfriend,” Paige reassures softly. 
Azzi ignores her, “besides, we’ll see each other soon right? You’re gonna fly home from Toronto to Connecticut tomorrow and then come home to me after right? Just a couple more days,” and it sounds like she’s saying it more to herself than Paige, “just a few more days- few more hours really. We can do this.”
“Yeah,” Paige agrees but she can’t help but feel like even that’s too long and there’s a plan starting to form in her mind; a good use of all that NIL money she’s been earning. 
“I love you P,” Azzi says softly, and despite the heaviness from before, Paige can hear the smile in her voice, “see you soon baby.”
“I love you too Az. I’ll be home soon,” Paige replies, a large grin settling onto her face as she gets ready to bring her idea to fruition; knowing that for now, their soons don’t quite mean the same thing. 
***
Azzi thinks her parents and brother must have the patience of a saint. She’s acutely aware that she’s been a miserable grinch to be around; either ignoring them or answering them with tight one-word sentences. Since she’d come down to Virginia for her rehab, she’s kept herself holed down in her room, only coming out when absolutely necessary. The worst part of it, is that it’s her favorite time of the year and Azzi’s barely participated in all the little Christmas traditions -half of which had really been created by her- that she’d normally be excited to indulge in. 
She sighs, burrowing herself further into her pillows to block out the chatter of her family upstairs. In a couple of minutes, she’s sure one of them will come rushing downstairs, pleading for her to come join them as they make Christmas themed pancakes. And she’ll refuse -just as she has with every other fun little activity- and all though whoever’s been tasked with getting her out of her cave will persist a little longer, eventually they’ll give up, that awful look, tinged in both disappointment and pity, on their face as they go back upstairs with a promise to bring her a plate in a little bit. It’s a terrible routine that’s been on rinse and repeat and Azzi thinks she’d really like to break herself out of it, but it feels like she’s drowning in it instead, and there’s not a lifeboat in sight to pull her out of her misery. 
Turning on her side, Azzi reaches for her phone, flipping to Paige’s contact and her heart aches from their last conversation last night. God she’d been so selfish, venting like that knowing her girlfriend had a game in a couple of hours; knowing how stressful each game -no matter how easy the opponent- was with an injury-riddled team. But Paige had sounded so miserable when asking if Azzi still missed her that in a way it had been infectious and suddenly Azzi found herself letting her own hurt waterfall out of her lips. 
She scrunches her nose, eyebrows crinkling in confusion when she realizes that the last text she’d sent Paige before going to sleep  -a simple you did really good today baby, i’m proud of you right after the game- had gone unanswered. Azzi frowns, looking down at her phone as if her staring harder at it might just conjure up a message from her girlfriend. She’d fallen asleep almost right after sending it and it was unlike Paige to not have answered her by the time she woke up. Azzi rattles her brain, trying to remember if the blonde had mentioned any other plans -beyond a dinner with Aaliyah’s parents that wouldn’t have kept her from her phone- but she can’t remember anything. Briefly glancing at the time and knowing that Paige’s flight to Connectcut wasn’t supposed to leave for at least another three hours, Azzi hastily texts her girlfriend again, crossing her fingers behind her back in anticipation of a quick reply. 
Good morning Paigey <3 
She gives it exactly three minutes, stomach churning when she doesn’t get a reply. 
I miss you baby. 
Another four minutes and still no reply and Azzi starts to feel her head getting heavy with that familiar weight of over thinking. What if she’d overstepped last night? What if it was too much? What if Paige had decided that she couldn’t deal with Azzi and her crap anymore?
She can hear someone starting to hurry down the steps, the quickness making her think it’s probably one of her brother’s who’s been tasked with getting her out of her room this time. But Azzi keeps her focus on her phone, ready to reject whatever offer is about to be made. The door creaks open and she doesn’t look up, typing another message instead. 
I love you Paige. 
“I love you too Azzi.”
Azzi freezes at the sound of the oh so familiar voice, her gaze moving from her phone to the doorway in slow-motion. She blinks in disbelief, mouth falling open as she stares at the figure in her doorway, taking in the sight of a disheveled blonde ponytail, the custom UConn sweats draped on a body that’s radiating exhaustion but more than anything her eyes fixates on that smile, the one that’s always been just for her. 
“Paige,” she breathes out slowly, almost as if she’s scared that saying it will make the girl in front of her disappear like a dream. 
“Hi baby,” Paige says softly, casually pointing to her phone, “I got your message.”
“You’re here,” Azzi chokes out and then, louder, “you’re here oh my god, you’re really here,” she repeats, rushing to get out of bed, desperate to wrap her arms around Paige, to hold her and be held in return. 
“Hey, hey, hey wait baby careful,” Paige chides, her focus immediately on Azzi’s knee, “stay where you are-”
“What? Why?” Azzi pouts and that elicits a little laugh from Paige as she walks over to the brunette. 
“Because,” the older girl says quietly, as she crawls onto the bed and pulls Azzi onto her lap so the younger girl is straddling Paige’s hips, “I’m here.”
Azzi looks at her in awe, hand tracing the curves of Paige’s face like she still can’t quite believe this is real, “yeah,” she whispers, “you’re here.”
And then she’s kissing every inch of Paige’s skin that she can, memorizing the way it feels soft and smooth under her lips, trying to make up for all the lost time of the past few weeks and perhaps even for when she knows they’ll inevitably have to be separated again. Paige’s grip on her waist is tight, fingers gripping her like they’re scared to let go as she shivers under Azzi’s featherlight touch. 
“I’m here,” Paige repeats again before she guides Azzi’s lips onto her own into a feverish kiss that has both of them letting out a long-kept sigh of relief. 
It starts off innocent enough, the two of them savoring the moment, savoring the feeling of finally being in each other’s arms. But then Paige’s tongue is licking into Azzi’s mouth and the younger girl is grinding her hips in the way she knows will drive the blonde a little insane as Paige’s own hands find themselves roaming underneath Azzi’s pajama shirt, rubbing circles dangerously close to the edge of her sleep shorts. 
“Missed you- missed you so fucking much,” Azzi babbles as Paige’s mouth moves away from her lips to trail a series of kisses down her jaw, to her neck before nipping at her collarbone. 
“Me too- me fucking too,” Paige mutters between kisses as she soothes her tongue over the mark she’d just tattooed into Azzi’s skin with her teeth, eyes glazing over when it elicits a barely-concealed moan from the brunette’s lips. 
“Missed this,” Azzi groans, continuing to roll her body against Paige’s, and she thinks she could fall off the edge just like this, untouched and fully clothed. 
“I know, baby. I know,” Paige pants as she continues her assault on the young girl’s skin, “gonna take care of you. I swear. Gonna make up for everything tonight-”
“No now,” Azzi whines, hands tangling in Paige’s hair and pulling in a way that has the older girl groaning into the crook of her neck, “I need you now. I’ll be quiet, I swear. Paige please.”
“Fuck baby don’t say that. You know I can’t say no to you.”
“Then don’t say no to me,” Azzi responds with a smirk, one hand trailing down to gently flick against Paige’s nipples causing the blonde to let out a conflicted noise somewhere between pure arousal and reluctant protest. 
“I can’t,” she says finally, resting her head against Azzi’s shoulder as she purposefully grips the younger girl’s waist to keep her still. 
Azzi pouts, “why not?”
When Paige finally looks up at her, there’s a sheepish look on her face, “I made a bet with your brothers.”
“What?” 
“They said they hadn’t been able to get you out of your room and I said I could do it in ten minutes and they said it would take me a lot longer,” Paige says, hands moving animatedly and Azzi can’t help the fond smile that flitters onto her face. 
“So let me get this straight,” she says slowly, “we haven’t seen each other in weeks, haven’t fucked,” she purposefully grinds her hips down onto the other girl, “in weeks and you wanna delay it longer because you wanna win a bet against my brothers?”
Paige has the decency to look at least a little ashamed as she nods before giving Azzi a goofy grin, “yes? I love you?”
Azzi rolls her eyes as she slips off of Paige’s lap, already missing the warmth of being on top of the other girl, “can’t believe you’d rather win a bet than fuck me.”
“Nah,” Paige smirks as she stands up, her hands immediately inching themselves around Azzi’s waist, “I’d rather win a bet, use that money to get us a hotel tonight and then fuck you.”
“You’ve really thought this through haven’t you?” Azzi shakes her head, trying to hide her excitement at the idea of being in a hotel room -being alone, just the two of them- with Paige tonight. 
“Ten steps ahead always baby,” Paige grins as she presses her lips against Azzi’s, ending it quicker than either of them would like, “now hurry up so I can win this bet.”
But Azzi doesn’t move, instead she pulls Paige back into her, resting their foreheads together as she breathes in the scent of her girlfriend. 
“I’m really glad you’re home P,” she whispers and Paige smiles, gently rubbing her back, “didn’t feel like Christmas season without you.”
4. You’re all I need (underneath the tree) 
Azzi’s just putting on the finishing touches to her outfit -dangly gold hoops that Paige had gotten her just because- when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her middle, a warm body being pressed against her chest. She smiles, letting herself melt into her wife’s -God she loves being able to say that- touch, leaning her head back against Paige’s shoulder. 
“You look so pretty in that dress,” the older woman whispers into her ear as she runs her hands up and down the velvety red material covering Azzi’s body, “but you sure we have to go to your parents’ right now? Cause I think you’d look even better out of it.”
Azzi giggles; they’ve been together for almost nine years -known each other for even longer-  and yet every time Paige gives her a compliment, she feels her insides swooning, cheeks going red like she’s still a teenager whose crush is flirting with her. And she thinks this feeling will never go away, that the halo-like glow Paige’s mere presence casts around her will never fade because this love -this all-consuming sense of you’re it for me between them- is going to last forever. She’s sure of it. 
“Do you ever think of anything but sex?” Azzi rolls her eyes as she turns around in Paige’s arms, fingers immediately reaching up to fix the collar of Paige’s matching red shirt. 
Paige grins, “nah cause I’m always thinking about you and so by default I’m always thinking about sex.”
“You’re insatiable,” Azzi shakes her head. 
“Can you blame me when my wife looks like that?” Paige makes a show of looking up and down Azzi’s body, letting out a low appreciative whistle at the way the dress hugs her figure, the neckline dipping just low enough to stay respectable yet sexy. 
“You look pretty good yourself Bueckers,” Azzi hums as she grazes her teeth lightly against Paige’s neck, making the older woman shudder. 
“Careful Az,” Paige warns, the sultry lilt in her voice saying the exact opposite, “I might start getting the wrong idea.”
Azzi shrugs cheekily, “and what idea would that be?”
Paige smirks, gently tugging at Azzi’s dress to expose a shoulder before she’s attaching her lips to the newly uncovered patch of skin, “that maybe you want us to be late. Or better yet, maybe you don’t want us to go at all.”
Keening under the softness of Paige’s touch, Azzi reluctantly pushes the older woman away, and that might be worse because now she can see her eyes and the lust swimming in them makes her want to give into temptation. But they’re already running late and she has no desire to give their brother’s any teasing material, so she settles on stealing another kiss from Paige’s lips. 
“Go warm up the car,” she mutters against the blonde’s lips, gently squeezing her waist before she detaches from Paige and starts to fix her dress, “I’mma just do a quick double check and then be out.”
“Yes your highness,” Paige teases with a slight roll of her eyes before she’s grabbing both her and Azzi’s packed overnight bags and heading towards the car.  
Azzi smiles as she watches her go. As much as they joked about not going at all, both of them loved spending Christmas with their families, especially considering how the Fudds, Bueckers and everything in between had melded into one big one. Despite the fact that living in the DMV now meant that they saw at least someone in their family once a week, the idea of having everyone under the same roof was still thrilling nonetheless. 
Life had a funny way of working out. The plan had been set in motion since Azzi had been drafted to DC and although Paige had been tempted to stay in Minnesota -after all being the hometown hero picked with the no.1 pick had served her and the. team well for her first four rookie years, considering she’d helped them return to their former championship glory- they had ultimately decided that with most of their family in the DMV area, it made more sense for Paige to ask for a trade to DC than it did for Azzi to move to Minnesota. It hadn’t been the smoothest transition -they’d had their fair share of fights while making the decision and then adjusting to it- but they’d figure it out. They always did. Because as good as Paige and Azzi were at fighting with each other, they were even better at fighting for each other. 
Quickly going through the to-do-list in her brain, Azzi nods to herself as she silently checks off everything. She does a quick glance of her room, making sure that they’re not leaving anything they’d need, before reaching to grab her phone, just to text her parents that they were on their own way. Instead her eyes catch on an email notification, her heart beating erratically when she reads the name of the sender. 
Fingers fidgeting with the heart necklace Paige had gotten her years ago, Azzi slowly clicks on the notification as anticipation burns throughout her whole body. She tries to steady her breathing as she scans through it, reading each line carefully and she almost drops her phone, large hot tears dripping down her cheeks as she reaches the end of it. Her chest feels heavy with an unknown feeling and she knows she needs to get to Paige, but her feet are rooted to their spot. 
“Baby,” she hears her wife call out, followed by the sound of Paige’s footsteps climbing up the stairs, “you ready yet? The car’s already- oh my god baby what’s wrong?”
Azzi looks up from her phone to find Paige standing in the doorway. Concern floods the older woman’s sharp features as she rushes over to her, hands running all over Azzi’s body as she tries to figure out what’s wrong. 
“Az? Baby? What’s going on? What happened,” Paige asks urgently, “baby please you’re scaring me. What’s wrong,” her eyes drop to the phone in Azzi’s hands as her voice gets desperate, “did someone say something? Do I need to go kill somebody? Fuck baby please don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong? I swear I’ll fix it but you gotta tell me baby. Please.”
Wordlessly, Azzi hands over her phone. Paige’s expression is confused and apprehensive -maybe even a little preemptively angry- as she takes the device from her wife’s hand. Azzi watches as recognition dawn of the blonde’s face when she spots the familiar e-mail address; watches as her wife goes through the same emotions she had reading through the email. When Paige finally looks back at her, her own eyes are brimming with tears. 
“Baby,” she says breathlessly, “this- I- we-,” she chokes back a sob, her voice so quiet in comparison to the loud enigma that is Paige Bueckers-Fudd, “we’re gonna be Moms?”
Azzi nods, tears continuing to spill down her cheeks as she finally manages to open her mouth, “yeah- yeah we are. Paige, we’re gonna have a baby. No two,” she corrects herself, remembering the exact words of the e-mail, “we’re gonna have two babies. Twins.”
And it’s unclear who moves first -it doesn’t really matter- but then they’re in each other’s arms, trying to hold each other as tightly as physically possible as their tears and smiles begin to blend into one. It had been a couple of months since they’d started the adoption process and they’d gone through every stage, slightly scared that something would go wrong. But they’d passed every background and family and personality check rather easily and it was this last part, the wait to hear about a child -well children- that needed them that had been the hardest of it. And now here it was, the last brushstroke that would complete the picture they’d started painting when they were fifteen. Two babies that would complete them. 
“You’re gonna be such a good Mom,” Paige mutters against Azzi’s hair, “god Azzi, baby I can’t wait to see you with our babies -fuck- our babies. Fuck baby I don’t know what you got me but I’m afraid it’s gonna have to be second best Christmas present I’m getting this year. 
Azzi laughs breathlessly, her face still buried in Paige’s neck, “think it’s gonna be the best Christmas present ever,” she slowly lifts her head so she can brush away the tears from under her wife’s eyes, “I love you. I wouldn’t wanna do this with anyone but you.”
Paige presses her lips against Azzi’s forehead, “me too baby. I love you so fucking much. You, me and our babies. It’s all I’m ever gonna want, all I’m ever gonna need.”
5. All I want (for Christmas is you) 
There’s a lot going on in her house right now -the chatter of family and friends mingling with the sounds of Christmas Carols blaring from the speakers, the mixed aroma of a well-cooked meal and freshly baked desserts, the twinkly lights strung all around the house blinking in different colors- but Paige’s entire attention is across the room where both of her two children are hanging off of her wife like baubles on a Christmas tree. Miles is situated on her lap, his head buried in his favorite place, between Azzi’s neck and shoulder. Sienna, always slightly more independent, has one hand wrapped around her mother’s ankle while she sits on the floor, her focus squarely on a princess coloring book. It’s a sight that will never stop making Paige’s heart swell with pride and happiness, her wife with their kids. 
Slowly excusing herself from the conversation she’d been having with a relative, Paige makes her way over to her family -to her whole world- with a soft smile on her face. She sits down next to her wife, placing a kiss to her temple that makes Azzi smile, before pressing one to her son’s forehead over the younger woman’s shoulder, before finally picking her daughter off the floor onto her lap and giving Sienna a kiss on her cheek. 
“Hi family,” she whispers and she thinks that if she could choose to have one picture ingrained in her mind forever, it would be a picture of the three smiles she gets in return. Miles’s is sleepy yet so sincere, Sienna’s is toothy and wide and Azzi’s- we’ll Azzi’s is exactly like it’s been since they were fifteen. It’s her Paige smile, one that is bright and beautiful and magnificent and filled with the promise of i’ll love you forever. 
“Mama look,” Sienna coos, shoving her picture in front of Paige’s face, “I color a p-incess.”
“It’s beautiful Si-Si,” Paige says warmly, “I think it should probably go on the fridge once everybody’s gone home yeah?”
Azzi snorts, her voice dropping so only her wife can hear, “baby, I don’t think there’s any more space left on the fridge considering you’ve been putting up every single thing they’ve ever colored or made.”
“I’ll make space,” Paige says haughtily, “everything they make is fridge-worthy.”
Azzi shakes her head fondly but Paige knows that despite her words, she’ll be right there by her side tonight to help her make space on their rather cluttered fridge so that they could hang Sienna’s new masterpiece somewhere on it. 
“Mi’s close to falling asleep,” Azzi gestures to the little boy in her arms who’s clearly struggling to keep his eyes open, “I think we should probably let them open their Christmas Eve presents now.”
Despite Azzi trying to keep her tone to a whisper, Sienna’s ears perk up at the word “present” and she turns on Paige’s lap to face her Moms with large, hopeful eyes, “it’s pwesent time?”
“Yeah sweetheart. It's present time, but only one okay?” Paige taps Sienna’s nose gently, laughing when the little girl nods diligently and then squeals with excitement, rushing off of her mother’s lap so she can tell anyone within earshot that it’s time to open presents. 
“I was gonna tell you to get everybody but I think she’s got it. She’s got your vocal chords for sure,” Azzi nudges Paige’s shoulder teasingly before coaxing Miles’ head out her neck, “you ready to open a present Mi?”
Miles yawns and Paige can’t help but coo at how cute he looks as he stretches in his mother’s arms. It fascinates her, how despite being twins, Miles and Sienna sometimes feel like they’re years apart. And she knows they're only 3 years old, and she knows that they’ll both change over time but Paige thinks that the difference in their personalities makes them fit together even more beautifully. Sienna had a protective streak, always ready to shield her demure brother and Miles had a knack from calming Sienna down, always ready to comfort his boisterous sister. 
“MI,” Sienna yells as she tugs on her twin brother’s arm, having somehow already gathered their family into the living room, “wake up Mi. Time to open a Ch-istmas Eve pwesent.”
“I coming Si-Si,” Miles says softly as he finally waddles off of Azzi’s lap, tiredly rubbing his eyes as he follows his sister towards the barrage of Christmas presents underneath the tree. Their mothers scooch off of the couch to stand closer to the tree, Paige wrapping her arms around Azzi from behind as she hooks her chin over her wife’s shoulder. 
“Alright Si-Si,” Tim says, his eyes twinkling as he looks down at his granddaughter, “remember, you should always pick the biggest present to open on Christmas Eve!”
Sienna’s eyes widen as she takes in her grandfather’s words before her gaze drifts towards the presents, scouting for the biggest one of them all. Paige drinks in the joy on her daughter’s face when she finally spots a large box that might just be taller than she is. 
“That one!” Sienna says gleefully as she practically climbs over the rest of the gifts to get to her chosen one. 
“Careful sweetheart,” Azzi calls out, her voice laced with hints of worry as she watches her daughter try to pick up the present that’s clearly heavier than she is. 
“Uncle Drew,” Sienna croaks out, turning to Paige’s brother as she realizes just how big the present she’d chosen is, “help me pease!”
Drew laughs, wading through the sea of presents to get to his niece as he sedulously sits down to help her unwrap the gift. Paige tightens her grip around Azzi in anticipation as she watches for her daughter’s reaction. The twins are old enough this year to really understand their gifts and even though Paige is sure she knows them well enough -they’re her babies for fuck’s sake- to have gotten them present they’d love, she’s still a little scared they wouldn’t.
“Relax baby,” Azzi leans her head back to whisper into the blonde’s ear, having noticed the way Paige is fidgeting with the sleeve of the brunette’s sweater, “she’s gonna love it. She’s our daughter. We know her.”
Paige presses a delicate kiss against the back of her wife’s neck, “you always say the right thing.”
“Because I know you,” Azzi says softly, eyes crinkling in the corner as she smiles at Paige.
They’re broken out of their reverie by their daughter screaming in excitement as she finally uncovers her present -a barbie basketball court-, and just like Azzi had predicted she would, she says, “I love it, I love it, I love it. Thank you Mama, thank you Mommy!”
Paige and Azzi laugh, opening their arms in tandem for Sienna to rush into, “we’re glad you like it Si-Si.”
“I love it,” Sienna corrects as she gives each of them a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 
“My turn now?” a meek voice cuts in and everyone's eyes fall onto Miles, who cowers slightly at having everyone’s attention. 
“Yeah it is,” Paige grins at her son, tickling him lightly in the stomach before pushing him towards the presents, “pick whichever one you want to open Mi.”
Miles chews at his bottom lip, cautiously observing the huge pile of presents before turning to his Mothers’ with a way expression and Paige has to hide her grin, knowing exactly what he’s about to ask. 
“Too many,” Miles says, bouncing nervously on his tiny little feet, “you help me pick pease Mama.”
Paige laughs as she gathers the little boy in her arms but not before she’s whispering in Azzi’s ear, “think he might be more indecisive than you baby,” which earns her a slight elbow to the stomach before she nods at her son, “of course I’ll help you pick sweetheart.”
She pretends to make a big show of searching for the right present, observing her son’s facial expression before she sees his eyes light up a little when she grabs a medium-sized blue one. 
“Aha!” Paige yells triumphantly, causing all the adults in the room to snicker at her antiques, “think you should open this one Mi.”
Miles grins as he makes grabby hands towards the present in his mother’s hand. It takes him approximately four and a half seconds to rip off all the wrapping paper and his eyes marvel at the gift in his hands. 
“Teddy,” Miles says in awe as he clutches the cuddly stuffed toy to his chest. 
“Yeah it is baby,” Azzi nods as she kneels down next to the little boy, “here,” she points towards the blue heart on his chest, “how about you squeeze it?”
Miles does as he is told, squeezing the teddy-bear’s heart as tightly as he can and it starts to glow. Paige and Azzi’s voices ring out through the room, singing -slightly off-key- Miles’s favorite lullaby. The little boy’s eyes widen when he realizes the sound isn’t coming from his Mothers', both of whom have their mouths closed, but from the teddy-bear’s heart. 
“Now, whenever you’re scared at night in your big boy bed, you can just squeeze teddy and it’ll be like Mommy and Mama are already there with you,” Azzi says softly as she brushes her hands through her son’s hair, “you like it Mi?”
“I’m gonna call it MoMa,” Miles says in lieu of an answer as he beams up at Paige and Azzi, “like Mommy and Mama but MoMa.”
Paige laughs, her eyes suddenly starting to feel a little wet, as she wraps an arm around Azzi’s waist, watching her children fawn over the presents they’d just opened. There’s plenty more left and she’s excited to watch their reaction to opening the others but the first ones are always just a little more special. And whether it was giving Sienna a basketball court, or giving Miles a version of their voices, through these gifts they’d tried to give their children a part of themselves. 
“Hey,” Azzi snaps Paige out of her trance, her hand reaching down to intertwine with Paige’s as she begins to pull her away from their family, “come with me for a second.”
“Azzi Fudd,” Paige puts a dramatic hand to her chest, smirking as she follows her wife upstairs, “are you sneaking me into our bedroom to have a quickie? While our family and our children are right downstairs?”
Azzi  turns to her with a cheeky grin as they enter their bedroom, tracing a finger down Paige’s arm, “would you object if I was?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely not. Let’s do it,” Paige waggles her eyebrows, pulling Azzi into her chest but the younger woman immediately shrugs herself out of it as she goes into their closet instead, “oh okay then, leave me high and dry on fucking Christmas Eve.”
“Shut up,” Azzi chides, still rummaging through drawers before she finally emerges from the mahogany doors with a small silver box, walking back to Paige with a small smile on her face, “I figured you should get to open a present tonight too.”
“Well the present I was hoping to unwrap was you-” her joke is cut off by Azzi laughing. 
“Baby please, you are way too old to be saying that shit.”
“Hey,” Paige says with mock offense, “first of all, I’m not that old and second of all, you’re never too old to be flirting with your wife.”
“First of all, it’s okay that you’re old baby, I like them a little older,” Azzi smirks, “and second of all, you are if the flirting's that corny and third of all,” she gives Paige a pointed look when the other woman open her mouth to counter, “shut up and open your present.”
“Still so bossy aren’t you princess?” Paige shakes her head but she does as she told, delicately removing the lid from the box and gasping when she sees the necklace inside, “baby, it’s beautiful.”
The necklace is similar to the engagement ring she’d gotten for Azzi, not the one from the fair all those years ago, but the real one. It’s a simple enough chain with a heart shaped diamond-encrusted locket, except on either side of the heart, the chain is looped into two infinity symbols. 
“Open it,” Azzi says softly. 
“What?” Paige asks, still staring dazedly at the dainty jewelry in her hands. 
“The heart,” Azzi points to the locket, “it opens.”
Paige does as she’s told, delicately using her nails to pull apart the locket and a fresh set of tears brim in her eyes when she sees what’s inside. On one side of the heart is a picture of Miles and Sienna, the twins grinning at the camera and Paige remembers the exact moment she’d taken it. On the other side, is a picture of Paige and Azzi; specifically a picture of their kiss at their wedding. 
“Baby,” Paige says again, uncannily lost for words. 
“You’re really fucking hard to shop for you know that?” Azzi says slowly, her own eyes glistening with moisture  “like what do you even get someone who basically has everything because you know- like you always say- we’re your everything -all you could ever want is me, Miles and Sienna- and we’re already yours, just like you’re already ours. And so I figured I’d just give you a reminder of it, something you can always keep with you so you always know.” 
“It’s perfect,” Paige breathes out as she holds the locker out towards Azzi, “put it on me?”
Azzi grins as Paige turns around and the blonde watches through the mirror as the chain is placed carefully around her neck and her wife firmly clasps it together before placing a soft kiss to the back of her neck. 
“I love you,” Azzi whispers when Paige turns back around, “for eternity.”
“I love you,” Paige whispers back, pulling her wife flush against her chest, the locket with her world hanging between them, “to eternity and beyond.”
404 notes · View notes
darlingbabyboo · 1 month ago
Text
--"what do you mean your dad doesn't like me?"
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♡ Synopsis: you love your boyfriend more than anything in the world... it's too bad that your parents don't feel the same.
♡ Content: Kageyama, Tsukishima, Iwaizumi, Kenma, Suna, Atsumu. Black female reader! I don't believe that there's mentions of height but I'm writing this from my view and I'm pretty short so be wary...
♡ Notes: I actually don't remember writing this, I think I got possessed for a minute but that's okay <3. Hope y'all enjoy, it's been a minute since I wrote for Haikyuu
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Kageyama
Case of a bad first meeting
Kageyama is an awkward boy okay, and there's nothing wrong with it but it kinda messes things up when your parents are introduced to him
You've been talking about your sweet caring boyfriend who loves to take care of you and supports you when things go wrong and your parents have high expectations because of how much you've been gassing him up
They follow you to one of his games, and they're very impressed by his volleyball abilities
When the game ends with Karasuno's win, they accept the interaction with Kageyama to go like this❤️🥰😊💖😘
Instead Kageyama just looks at you like 😐
And they're not the biggest fan of that
"Tobio, baby, you did so good!" You exclaim as he comes towards all of you. Your parents watch expectantly, waiting for the sour expression on his face to disappear at the sight of you. A smile, grin, laugh, something.
Instead, he nods at the compliment, and starts staring at the nonexistent spot on the floor.
They frown, that was not what they expected.
Your mother leans into your father, "I thought he would be..."
"Sweeter," Your father finishes for her. They watch the encounter with dismay. You continue to send a barrage of compliments to your boyfriend only for the other's stare at the floor to turn into a full blown glare.
"I need to go," He suddenly interrupts your ranting. They watch, hoping that he'll redeem himself with a short embrace, but he only nods at you, and offers your parents a small wave.
"Isn't he great!" You gush as you watch the setter walk back to his team.
Your parents frown, not at all.
Bonus
"Bakeyama! Their parents definitely hate you!"
"Shut up Boke!" He yells back at Hinata, rubbing his cheeks like he can erase the red from his face. He could barely look you in the eyes with you wearing his jersey. It was the first time you had ever done something like that and he reacted like an idiot!
"You're so stupid!" The shorter male giggles, "I have no idea how you got with someone!"
He snarls, "shut up shut up shut up!"
Tsukishima
Tsukishima's a great suckup, you'd think he'd be great around your parents
...no, just no
Your mama's smart and she knows a fakeass when she sees one
Tsukishima might act all nice but your mama says, 'he got the devil in his eyes' she's right lol
He can't do nothing without absolute disgust being targeted at him 😭😭😭
He could be offering to help with dinner
And she offers back a side eyes him with a scowl on her face
Tsukishima is doing his best pray for my mans 🙏🏾
"Oh, ma'am, I can help with-"
"Don't bother," your mother cuts off, holding her hand up to stop the blonde from continuing his offer, "I don't need your help." She spits out. As she leaves to the kitchen she starts muttering something about him under her breath. He can't pick it up, but he knows it's not anything good.
He gives you a desperate look, it's been like this all night. He did his best to put on a nice smile and dress the best- he begged (though he would never tell you that)- his mom to bake some pie so that he could bring it to dinner just so everything would be perfect when meeting your mom, but it was all for nothing. It was an understatement to say that she didn't like him.
She fucking hated him.
You give him a look as if to say, what can you do? You did your best to talk Kei up, but as soon as she saw him, she decided she didn't like him. You put your hand over his, resting on the table.
"I'm sorry." You whisper, feeling horrible that he had worked so hard for nothing.
"It's just- I wished she liked." He interlocks your hand and squeezes it anxiously, "I don't know what else I should do."
You open your mouth to try to comfort him, but-
"Baby get in the kitchen, your mama needs help!" In a voice that leaves no room for argument.
You wince, you know that you can't say no when your mom starts talking in that tone. You give Kei an apologetic look and his shoulders slump, burying his head in his hands.
Iwaizumi
Worst possible meeting of your boyfriend
Iwaizumi has a habit of hitting you (playfully)
Your dad just happen to catch you two when it looks like he's hitting you
He is traumatized and horrified
Shitting crying throwing up fr when your father starts to threaten to end his life if he come near you again
"Where's my favourite member of Aoba Johsai~" You sing, playfully poking his shoulder.
He puts an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into him "right here babe."
You wriggle out of his grip, "you don't look like Oikawa to me."
He rolls his eyes, "fuck you." He knocks your head, not hard enough to bruise but enough to look threatening, he laughs at your flinch.
"Coward," He mocks.
You stick out your bottom lip and just as you open your mouth to respond-
"Fuck you say about my daughter."
He gasps when someone's hand grips his upper arm. The man's eyes are filled with pure rage, and his grip tightens so hard it's almost like he's trying to tear it out of his arm. He watches the man, and in a horrifying realization he sees that the man has your eyes.
It's your dad.
Shit.
"This is not what it looks like," He sputters out, in an attempt not to look like an abusive dickhead, "we just-"
"Shut up." The man grits out, and impossibly the grip on his arm tightens even more. "if I ever see you around my little girl again, I will fucking kill you."
"Dad-" You attempt to protest.
"No." Your dad interrupts your plea, "I told you to be careful around these trashy high schoolers- about getting yourself involved in these stupid boys." He shakes Iwaizumi like a ragdoll to further emphasize his point. "I never want to see you around him again."
You eyes go wide, "Dad, wha- that's not fair!"
Your father doesn't listen to your protests, harshly pushing away Iwaizumi and grabbing your hand. You fight against it for a bit but give up when your father won't let up. You turn around to face Iwaizumi, mouthing I'm sorry.
He just nods, and as soon as you're gone he places his fist against his forehead, wondering how he could have fucked things up so much.
Kenma
I love Kenma but he's not a conventional bf
Your dad wants you to be happy but at the same time he's looking at him and thinking, really, you couldn't do any better
He can barely hide the disgust when he's playing on his video games, slouched over like the Hunchback of Notre Dame and heavy bags under his eyes
You're telling him that he's a highly valued member of his team and then he sees him get winded going up a the stairs
Okay sweetie 🤗🤗🤗
Kenma finds the hate as more of an annoyance than anything tbh
He doesn't sweat too much about it, the only reason he tries is because he doesn't like you being upset about the uneasiness between your parents and him
"Hey," He says, all he can get out before he practically collapses against you. It was a long game and all he wants to do is melt into your arms. "'s nice tha' you came." He keeps panting, just on the brink of passing out.
"Hey Kenny." You say, running a hand through his hair and pressing a gentle kiss on his forehead, "you were really good in this game."
He doesn't have the energy to thank you, all the air practically gone from his lungs, instead he nods and buries his face into your neck.
After a minute of you carding your hand through his hair you say the dreaded words, "my dad's expecting you to greet him..."
He groans, "will he accept a weak wave."
"Not at all."
He groans louder as he painfully removes himself from your gasp. he looks up to your dad, who is predictably glaring at him. He gives a weak smile and wills himself to go towards the man.
What he'll do for you.
Suna
YOUR DAD DOES NOT TRUST HIM
He does not like him around you at all and thinks his precious baby deserves to be around someone better
Your dad finds him a little too nonchalant for his taste and thinks that his baby needs to be around someone that spoils you
Suna is surprised when he's hit with the hatred bcs he didn't think he did anything???
"Rinnie, you did so good!" You exclaim, wrapping your arms around his neck, he in return wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.
"Thanks," He responds, pressing his lips to your forehead.
He pulls away when he hears someone clear his throat. He looks at the other man, he looks like the spitting image of you. A smile creeps up his lips at how similar you look to your father.
He nods to him as a greeting.
Your father does not accept that.
"You too good for a handshake?" The man questions.
He opens his mouth, instinctively ready for a snappy remark, but he immediately closes it when your father glares. This is, apparently, no laughing matter, and he really doesn't feel like making things worse. Instead, he pulls his hand forward.
"Hey, I'm Suna Rintaro." He introduces.
"Hey." Your father mockingly echos (he exchanges a quick glance with you, did he do something? Why does the man already hate him), but he still accepts the handshake.
He winces when the older man squeezes, strong grip feeling like he's trying to tear his arm off. He drops his hand and puts it in his pocket, trying to shrug off the burning feel.
"Strong grip there Sir." He remarks, trying to make it come across light-hearted.
The other man doesn't show any positive reaction. "It's the grip of a man."
"Or a serial killer." He mutters. Apparently, not quiet enough, as you wince and the vein on your father's forehead bulges out in anger.
"We'll talk later, okay Rinnie." You say, offering an escape. He smiles, grateful for the opening. He'll take his escape while he still can.
"I'll see you later angel." He presses another kiss to your forehead and leaves, pretending he doesn't notice the glare of your father. That's something for another day.
Atsumu
Poor guy had no idea that your dad did not f with him 😭😭😭
He loves both your parents!
They gave birth to you and you're the greatest person ever!!! Of course he loves them
But apparently the hate is on sight with them
He starts to walk over and he starts scowling 😒
When you asked your dad why they didn't like Atsumu, he just clucked and said
'That blonde boy ain't right,' your dad muttered and offered NO OTHER INFO
"Hey princess, you like the match?" He smacks a kiss to your cheek and wraps a hand around your waist, "scored that last point for you."
"Just the last point?" You tease. "Were the other points for your other girlfriends."
"No other girls but you princess." He says, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.
Your interrupted by your dad clearing his throat, very loudly.
You two break apart, and you offer your parents a sheepish glance.
"Are you going to introduce us honey?" Your mom says, with an odd look in her eyes that Atsumu can't decipher.
"Mom, dad, this is Miya Atsumu, the boy I've been talking about so much."
"It's a pleasure to meet you two." Atsumu says, giving his widest, kindest, toothiest grin.
Your mother gives him a weak smile back, while your father just watches him, like a predator looks at its prey before snapping its neck.
He waits for the two to respond, but they just keep staring.
After a few moments of nothing he coughs, "would you two like to join us for lunch- I'd like to celebrate my win with my favourite girl and her parents."
You giggle at that, but your parents show no reaction.
"It's getting awfully late for lunch." Your father says gruffly.
He laughs, "it's only 7."
Your father doesn't share his humour. He turns to you, "I don't want you out so late with some guy."
He bites his tongue at the last part, some guy? He's thinks you two have been together enough to be more than some guy.
"It's not even that late." You whine.
"The sun's about to set."
"It's only 7!" You reiterate, you turn to your mom, "Mama please!"
Your mom shakes her head, "I think you should listen to your father. It's getting late, and you should be careful who you share your company with." She gives a pointed glance to Atsumu.
It's like someone reached into his chest and ripped out his heart. He forces himself to smile, "ya'know, we don't need to celebrate today, I'll let ya get back home princess."
"But 'tsumu-" You attempt to protest.
"It's fine." He interrupts. He plays nonchalant and shrugs, "there are other days."
He grasps your hands and presses kisses to your knuckles. "I'll text you later, okay?"
You pout, but concede, "m'kay."
He offers a goodbye to your parents but they've turned their attention away, looking anywhere else but but at him. He swallows, he'll deal with that later.
669 notes · View notes
lulujeno · 4 months ago
Text
them as your older brother, finding out you have a crush on one of their members
— nct dream ᡣ𐭩
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cw : some of them question ur taste in men but thats overall it, just some playful banter :D
a/n : really nervous for my exam tmr so i wrote this to calm me down ^^ gender neutral as always but it's a little shorter than my other one, hope you guys enjoyyyt <3
mark:
your crush on renjun wasn't that obvious at first
well that was until your youtube search history betrayed you
mark was borrowing your laptop one day and was so confused when the most recent searches was just renjun
"renjun fancam" "renjun cute moments" "renjun being mad at dreamies"
didn't put two and two together just yet but it was at the back of his mind for sure
would call you to visit the dreamies more often to see if his assumption was right okay scooby doo
you'd bring snacks and drinks most of the time, somehow always getting renjun's favourite stuff
texted you the moment he was sure that you do have a crush on his bandmate
you admitted it and since then he's been the #1 y/njun shipper
gives you updates about renjun
if it isn't obvious enough, he does approve of junnie (maybe a little too much)
renjun:
came to him one day for help since you were thinking of confessing to haechan
looked directly into your eyes and tells you you can do better than haechan
"haechan? of all people??"
proceeded to tell you that he already knows about your little crush
would tell you things that haechan likes or dislikes, even though he looks like he disapproves
secretly happy that its someone he knows really well and not some random douche
you'd notice jun's little ways of helping you get with your crush
you give him a small smile and he'd mouth to thank him later
would still nag to you because he really can't see what you see in his bandmate
"whatever makes you happy"
don't worry, he approved of haechan after seeing the way he treats you
jeno:
tried to act surprise when you said you found mark interesting
you hit him jokingly because of how bad his acting was
teases you about your crush
when you visit the dreamies he does that thing with his eyebrows and makes it really obvious that you like his bandmate
but for real though, he'd be really supportive and actually try to help you out
would still give you the 'don't get your hopes up' talk since he doesn't want you to be heartbroken
happy that you came to him for help with your little crush (you? not so happy because he's so obvious)
"mark did you see y/n's new hair?" "mark doesn't y/n smell good today?" "mark you're not gonna give y/n a hug too?"
you want to smack jeno every time he does it thank god mark lee is oblivious as hell
haechan:
thought that you were joking when you said like jaemin
realised that you were serious and suddenly theres plan a all the way till z to get you and jaemin together
one of then was to lock you both in a closet (in hopes that it ends with you guys kissing ONLY)
like jeno, tells you to not get your hopes up too high since the last thing he wants is to see his sibling cry over a MAN.
still questions why you like jaemin though, he thinks that that guy is weird
tried to tell you things to give you the ick about jaemin but it doesn't work
at one point he got too tired waiting for you to confess so he told jaemin himself
don't worry, he told you when he was going to spill the beans (yeah like 5 seconds before he said it)
jaemin:
jisung?? of all people??? that boy can't even take care of himself, how would he take care of you?
gives you a whole ted talk on why you should go for a real man like mark or jeno instead
ends up seeing what you see in jisung though
tall? deep voice? big hands? can dance? that ticks off everything in your list!
the talk ends with him being supportive and brainstorming ideas on how to make you guys a real couple
would straight up tell jisung that you like him
probably gave jisung a whole protective brother talk that scared the poor guy
tells you that it's the only way because things need to be clearly said to jisung or else he'd be too shy to initiate anything
asks for cat food in return if everything works out because he has children to feed!
chenle:
be fr, zhong chenle knows everything
so when you told him that you like jeno he did not bat an eye
tbh he was just waiting for you to admit it before going through with his plan
the plan? you accidentally tripping in front of jeno, landing on top of him, and kissing him
you just stand there thinking if your brother was actually stupid enough to think that it'll work
doesn't play when it comes to y/nno
but if jeno does end up liking you back suddenly chenle's favourite place is the gym
also doesn't play when it comes to protecting his sibling
warns jeno that if he breaks your heart then he will break other things!
jisung:
was appalled when he found out that you like chenle
chenle? zhong chenle?? his best friend of 8 years zhong chenle ???
give him a second to take it all in
finally connected the dots on why you keep asking for updates about chenle
would help you out in a subtle way
ways like making chenle sit beside you or asking chenle to call you instead of doing it himself
backfires soon after since he told chenle that you watch basketball
forgot to add in wives, you watch basketball wives not basketball itself
can't keep a secret for too long, especially one about chenle so give it 2 weeks tops before your crush finds out
fair to say it ended with both of them spamming you (one to apologise and the other? other reasons)
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littlegrapejuice · 3 months ago
Text
A Trophy And A Ring | LN4
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Pairing: Lando Norris x Reader
Summary: Lando wins the Singapore Grand Prix and you have a surprise planned for his third victory, leading him to finish the race with two rewards.
Author's Note: ok so i reeeaaallyyyy wanted to write for the less popular drivers but i thought of this a couple days after lando won singapore so here we are :)) kinda had a writer's block on this one so it's shorter than other stuff i wrote but i find it cute<3
F1 MASTERLIST🏎
The 2024 Singapore Grand Prix.
Second fastest in FP1, then fastest in both FP2 and FP3.
Pole position.
He was still ahead when they reached the first corner. And the second. And every other that followed.
After leading every lap and passing the chequered flag with a twenty seconds gap, Lando Norris was a three-times race winner.
This time, the fireworks were for him.
…..
It was always a good feeling when you were called in to do the post-race interviews, but even better when you got to interview your boyfriend after a victory. And when you thought about the little surprise you had planned for him, your smile expanded even more as you were beyond excited for Lando’s reaction. Before that could happen though, you had to interview Oscar and Max who completed the podium. They were both aware of your plan, and despite wishing they could’ve won the race, they were glad to know what was awaiting Lando for succeeding today.
‘Good luck’, they had both said to you when you were done talking to them. And now, this was the moment. Lando walked towards you after Max gave him the mic. He had such a pretty smile, your only thought was to kiss him right now. However, you had to keep it professional for a bit before you could put your grand plan in motion.
“Lando, congratulations on your third victory of the season! Can you talk me through today and how does racing with a dominant car feel?”
“Hi”, he simply said with the same happy smile he always arboured when facing you. “Thank you! It was an amazing race despite a few too many close calls”, he added with a laugh. “You know, I had a couple of little moments in the middle. But yeah, the car was incredible. I could push and we were flying the whole race, so yeah, it was very nice.”
“Are you okay? You seem out of breath.” Your girlfriend mode could only override the interviewer mode as you could hear Lando had trouble speaking.
“I’m fine, don’t worry. It was tough but all good”, he reassured you.
“The gap at the end, do you know what it was?”
“Yeah, like close to twenty seconds I think?” Lando wondered to which you nodded.
“That’s it,” you confirmed. “As you admitted yourself, you were sometimes really close to the wall – did you actually need to be pushing that hard given this gap that you had?”
“I mean, this wasn’t necessarily over pushing you know? I just wanted to have the biggest lead possible and not just a one second lead”, he explained.
“One second that kept you in front for the whole race after you pitted”, you stated.
“This was great indeed. See why I need the biggest gap possible?” You smiled at that which made Lando chuckle. “But yeah, I’m happy to get the maximum points today and to have Osc on the podium as well, he drove really well today so this was a very good day for the team also.”
“You’re now a three-times race winner, fantastic victory.”
“Thanks”, he replied before looking away. It seemed that even after being with you for so long, he was still blushing and becoming nervous whenever you’d compliment him.
“Last question before I let you go, okay?” Lando nodded and you tried to subtly put your hand in your pocket to get what you needed. “Well, there are actually two but it's the same thing. So do you know how we say the third time’s a charm?”
“Of course”, Lando said. “It’s my third victory and you’re here, so that means you were my good-luck charm.”
“Not exactly the compliment I was fishing for, but thank you.” With a look to the side, Oscar understood that this was the moment and approached you. He took the mic from you – but kept it at your level – while you finally pulled out a small box from your pocket. “So, we’ve been together for three years now and as we’ve been saying, this is the third time you win a race. Therefore I have a little gift for you.”
Lando was a bit confused at your words, until he wasn’t anymore when you got down on one knee. Oscar followed by squatting down next to you, so you could still keep talking into the mic – this was very much needed as the crowd began cheering so loud that Lando would’ve had a hard time hearing you otherwise.
“Lando”, you called to him before deeply inhaling. “Six years in Formula One, six poles, and three wins. Would you do the honour of marrying me, even though I don’t even have my driving licence?”
Unable to speak, Lando could only nod before he pulled you up so that you could stand in front of him. He cleared his throat in order to find his voice again, and was finally able to answer your question.
“I will absolutely marry you, yes! Even if you’re my passenger princess ‘till we die.”
“Wow, that’s very generous of you.” You let out a chuckle which made Lando smile.
Right now, the camera was focused on Lando’s fond expression which enabled the thousands of people present at the track as well as the thousand others watching from home to see how in love the man was with you.
Stepping back, you were now taking the ring from its box before slipping it on Lando’s finger while he looked down at the gesture. He was close to tears and he could feel his eyes start watering from the emotion. Noticing, you quickly wiped his cheeks and as you still had your hands cradling his face, you figured it was a good time to pull him down in a kiss to celebrate your engagement. He immediately kissed back while pulling you closer to him as his hands instinctively reached for your hips.
When you both pulled away, you and Lando hugged for a few seconds before you remembered you were still on camera with thousands of people watching your every move. After separating from your now fiancé, you got pulled into a hug from Oscar who was still next to you. One by one, the drivers went to congratulate you and Lando. Along with Max and Oscar, a couple others had been aware of your proposal and they had known what to expect if they were part of the podium when Lando’s third win was to happen.
After everyone had cheered for your and Lando’s engagement, the drivers could finally get ready for the podium while you could step down from your journalist duties and entirely focus on being a loving WAG.
…..
“So, how do you feel about winning both a trophy and a ring?” Oscar asked Lando when the two got into the cooldown room with Max.
“I’d say this is the best Grand Prix of my life”, Lando replied while looking down with a lovesick smile at the ring you had placed on his ring finger.
“And which one will you remember when someone mentions Singapore?” Max teased as he already knew the answer.
“The ring obviously,” Lando immediately said as he didn’t have to hesitate. “I can get more trophies in the future, but my girl– fiancée giving me a ring is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.”
Smiling at Lando’s words, Oscar and Max were truly happy that you’d had the courage to propose in such a meaningful and public way – and they were also internally wishing you good luck in order to put up with Lando for God knows how many more years.
“Should I do the engagement party next time I win?” Lando wondered.
“NO!” Max and Oscar both answered.
“Wow, okay, fine.” Lando put his hands up in defence.
“First: you’re crazy if you think we’re letting you win one more time during this season”, Max argued. “Second: I’m sure she’d rather celebrate it in a more private setting.” Max knew you well and was certain today’s level of PDA wasn’t going to happen again before a while.
“Yeah”, Oscar agreed. “She loves you mate, but this was already a lot coming from her.”
“Damn, I get it. It was just a joke, don’t worry.”
“I’ll text her about it just to warn her”, Max added.
“Man it’s fine,” Lando sighed but still smiled at his friends’ words. “The idea is gone already, we’re good.”
Switching the conversation topic to the actual race they had done, the drivers simply waited to be called to the podium while watching some highlights shown to them on the screen.
One by one they then went outside under the fans’ cheers until it was Lando’s turn. As he was mindlessly waving at the people in parc fermé, his gaze was focused on its own task: locating you. And when he did, his mind was at peace. You were looking up at him with so much love in your eyes, Lando was still finding it hard to believe that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.
He could only think about how lucky he was to have you in his life, and he promised himself that he would always do his best to make you a happy wife and an even happier woman.
When it was time for the trophies to be handed out, Lando’s first reaction was to dedicate it to you as he pointed in your direction before showing off his hand with the finger that was harbouring the ring you had given him. After Lando, along with Max and Oscar, did the celebration – Lando obviously doing his signature champagne pop, pictures were being taken as the three drivers got next to each other. His eyes finding you once again, Lando winked at you when he saw you had taken your phone out to take a photo of your winner. Your only response was to blow him a kiss before you started to join the applause and cheers still going on around you.
You though about how you could watch him race forever; you knew how happy it made him – and you as well – but he was always even happier to win, especially when you were here to support him. You would never realise it though, but racing would never make him happier than being with you.
If a choice were to be made – you or his career, you’d think he'd choose his career, but he’d choose you in a heartbeat. In every universe, over and over again. He’d choose you.
..........
Hope y'all enjoyed this!! I'll fr do my best to try and write for other drivers that are less written about but as a papaya girlie (in a landoscar way not mclaren way) I'm v happy i got to do a lil lando fic
See you god knows when (unfortunately not even god knows bc idk myself lol) and good luck for surviving the last week and a half of break🫶🏻
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minhosimthings · 7 months ago
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The Fallen One || 18+
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Synopsis: For the final day of the pact, you find yourself intoxicated by the man you've yearned for, forever.
Pairings: detective!Jay × fem!reader
Warnings: smut minors Dni, fingering, cock riding, p in v sex, unprotected sex (not for you), reader has like three orgasms?, Jay's just really obsessed, Fluffy in the end, swearing, mention of food and alcohol, final fuck you to Heeseung yay
A/N: I haven't been able to carry out with my og plot in this fic because I, like an idiot, forgot I included bondage and i just wrote everything and now I neither have the heart nor the energy to write anything else, so to all my babies who wanted bondage, there's a fic in my wips for y'all. Anywho I had fun working on this series! Thank you for all the support that got me through writing everything and I hope next time my brain remembers to write WHAT WAS INTENDED IN THE FIRST PLACE-
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Jay's calloused fingers nudged a mauve hued record back into its place, near and tidy on an oak shelf slightly shorter than him. His eyes travelled to another section of the shelf, where his hands picked up an olive green record, silently sitting at the back, overshadowed by the bright blues that surrounded it.
His mouth stretched into a thin quiet smile as he gently took the vinyl out, admiring its sleek look in the faint light of his bedroom, before he set it to it's position on his record player. Picking up his glass of dark red wine, Jay toyed with the sharp needle of the nostalgia emitting record player, before setting it onto the spinning vinyl.
The sound of stiff bones cracking was heard as he plopped down on his armchair near the warm fireplace, wine in hand, with hypnotising music playing in the background. Sipping his wine, he stared at the fire place, watching as every flame danced to the music, some did the tango, while some did the ballet.
Don't think about her, he thought to himself, anything but her.
Jay sighed heavily to himself as he twirled the last remnants of the wine in his glass, he had no idea how fast he had drunk it. He could hear rain pattering away mercilessly outside whilst the hours ticked away as he waited for tomorrow to come and whisk him away.
The second sigh of the evening dropped seethingly from his mouth as his eyes fluttered over to the picture frames on the wall. He smiled as he ran his eyes over the memories of old, forever remembered in hues and colours, lest they ever leave his mind.
A picture of him and his parents stood proud next to a ridiculous picture of him, Sunghoon and Jake standing next to a lake. He laughed as he recalled how they had fell into the murky water that day, pushing each other in, until everything ended in dirty clothes and raucous laughter. Another picture stood rather drab next to the bright coloured photos of Jay with his boss, recieving an award. The picture was dusty, as if it has been avoided by Jay when he was cleaning it.
Jay's eyes paused at the dust spiders on the picture and he walked near it, peering to see the picture that was held inside the carved frame.
Him, a woman and Heeseung, with smiles imprinted on your faces, against a backdrop of what looked like a school building. Jay gently took the picture of of the wall, it slid easily off the wallpaper, and set it down on the table. If anyone had asked him later on for how long he had stared at it with confused thoughts, he'd have responded with a confused look.
If only she had chosen me, he thought, if only....
The third exhausted sigh came as Jay realised he should probably sleeping, glancing at the clock to notice that it was 3 am in the morning already. He'd only get a few hours of sleep, but something was better was nothing, and for him, three hours of sleep was more than enough. And if it was on his beloved armchair next to a cozy fire? He might as well have announced Christmas dinner.
Jay plopped onto his armchair once more, now folding up his legs to snuggle into the seat, all warm next to the crackling fire, with the sound of rain making him drift off to sleep.
He made sure, by whatever ill will, to glance at the dusty picture he set on the table once more, peer at the intoxicating smile of the woman, and the man next to her, his arm wrapped around her waist protectively. Jay thought his face looked rather sour in the picture, the memories of it were even sourer but dawn was no time to think of them.
And so he went off to sleep at last, fighting off troubled thoughts and an uneasy heart.
If only she had chosen me.
|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|
"Where did you say Y/N was staying again?" Sunghoon looked up from his pile of paperwork to answer the questioning voice.
"Baker's Street." He answered in his usual condescending voice, "Why do you ask?"
Jay shrugged in response to his friend's question, quickly pretending to be interested in his own pile of paperwork, though Sunghoon was quick to notice the tiny smile dancing on his lips. "Jongsoeng don't tell me you're going to do anything stupid."
"You're telling that to me?" Jay laughed, which came out more like a scoff, "I'll be fine."
"Don't buy her cake like I did." Jake commented from the other side, a pen stuck behind his ear, "Unless you want Mr Fuck Up over there to intervene." He lowered his voice with the last words, glaring towards Heeseung, who was working on the other side of the office.
Jay hadn't exactly been careful all day around Heeseung, treating him normally, though he did make sure to amplify his voice when speaking your name. Such as now, when he had asked Sunghoon where you were staying. He had no intention to make Heeseung jealous or anything. No, he had a firm desire to make Heeseung jealous and angry.
"Jay can I talk to you for a second?"
Speak of the devil.
Jay looked up from his paperwork (quick to change his expression from annoyed to normal) to see Heeseung staring at him with a weird look.
"I need to talk to you." Heeseung repeated, causing Jay to internally cringe. "What about?" Jay asked, to which Heeseung looked around before grabbing Jay's arms and dragging him (against his will) to the empty break room.
"I need to talk about—" Heeseung paused, taking a breath, "—about Y/N."
"What about her?" Jay asked, voice remaining calm, though his knuckles were certainly gripping the edge of the table he leant on, very tightly, "She's doing well, if you wanted to ask."
"Jay come on." Heeseung sighed, "I know about this little pact between you guys and Y/N and–" he fiddled with his fingers, "I know I've had some downs, but I really need to apologise to Y/N. I've ditched Yeo-Hee anyway, and–" he chuckled, "–can we not let bygones be bygones?"
"Bygones be bygones?" Jay let out a cold laugh, the expression on his face was terrifying and though Heeseung wouldn't have admitted it, he was scared, "Since when have you been using that phrase? Since high school I reckon?" Jay laughed again, "Ahh fuck I don't even understand why she even kept up with your cheating ass for so long. Tell me Heeseung," he leaned forward to look Heeseung menacingly in the eye, "Did you ever really love her?"
"Love her?" Heeseung responded, "Of course I love her, she's my wif-"
"Then will you tell her about Ji-ah from the other section or should I?"
"You wouldn't." Heeseung stared Jay down, though he was taller and older than him, he felt as if a hurricane was interrogating him, "Jay you can't. You know she'll never forgive me."
"She shouldn't." Jay laced his words with venom, "She should never forgive a fucking bastard like you."
"Ok fine." Heeseung sighed, "Can you atleast tell her I'm sorry?"
"Tell her yourself, coward." Jay quipped, which perhaps was a mistake, when he looked at Heeseung's angry expression.
"Coward?" Heeseung laughed, "Wouldn't that be more fitting for you, Jongsoeng?" He stepped forward, "If you hadn't been a coward with poor heartbroken 16 year old Y/N, we probably wouldn't be here and I'd be thankful I hadn't ever dated that bitch."
Heeseung couldn't comprehend what has happened in the next few moments. All he could recall if you had asked him now what happened, was a loud thud, his back against a wall, Jay's cat like eyes becoming deadly and Jake and Sunghoon's shocked faces.
"Don't you call her that, you insipid jackass." Jay snarled at the older man, with his hands gripping the collar of Heeseung's shirt tightly, whilst pressing him to the wall, "Don't you ever call her anything less than what you fucking are. A coward, and a cheat." Jay released his grip on Heeseung's shirt with a guffaw, before stepping out of the room, leaving behind an air of tension and fear.
|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|
Your eyes scanned the room nervously, as you eased into the maroon hued armchair. The anxiety you held within you at the moment, was easily captured by the way you were fiddling with your fingers and biting your bottom lip until you tasted iron in your mouth.
It's just Jay, you reminded yourself, the man you've had a crush on since forever, it's just him.
"Keep biting that lip of yours and you're going to lose it." Jay chuckled, walking in with mugs of tea in his hand, "Still haven't lost that habit have you doll?"
"Well with you no longer there to remind me–" you graciously accepted the mug, noting carefully how his fingers brushed against yours, "–its become an addiction."
"Well, I'll make sure to write to you everyday not to bite your lip." He joked, making you laugh. God he looked heavenly, you thought, figure clad in his loose white button up, the one he wore to work, combined with a blue trouser which framed his thighs perfectly.
"You-you look good." You said, in a timid fashion, making Jay look up from his mug and smile at you.
"As do you, doll." He grinned. The cocoons in your stomach erupted into a thousand butterflies at the nickname. It was what he used to call you in high school, mainly to tease you, and partly (or rather secretly) to compliment your beauty.
"Heeseung asked me to apologise to you." Jay chuckled coldly, interrupting your train of thoughts, "Bastard came up to me at work and just bombarded me with requests." He looked up at you before continuing, "He wants you to know that he's broken up with the other girl, Yeo-Hee or whoever."
"Oh." You responded, not exactly knowing what a good response would be, "Well—good, I guess." You said, not adding anything until a few minutes of silence passed, "Does the idiot really think he can get me back with a simple apology?"
"He does." Jay set his mug down on the table, easing into his chair, "If it were me, I'd have written a thousand pages of poetry for you."
"You wouldn't have ever done what he did."
"Wouldn't I?" Jay's eyes perked up at you, shadowed with a kind of darkness you've never seen before.
"No you wouldn't." You responded, "I know you wouldn't, you're too...perfect for that."
"Perfect?" Jay laughed mockingly, "Y/N if I were perfect, we wouldn't be in this situation–" he didn't know where his words were coming from, "–and you'd have never married that fucker!"
Jay's sudden amplified voice made you flinch, you had heard that voice on only one occasion before and it was not a pretty thing to hear at all.
"Jay....."
"I'm sorry." Jay sighed, running his hand through his hair, "This is a mistake–I'll drop you off at home if you don't want this anymore-"
"Oh my God, you're an idiot." You said, stopping Jay's rambling and causing him to look up at you with confused eyes, "Do you really think I'll skip this just because you raised your voice?"
"No I meant–" Jay sighed again, getting up from his armchair suddenly and packing around the room, a habit he had from childhood, "–I know things aren't really sunshine and rainbows between us, and you probably don't feel comfy fucking someone who's been with you since high school so–fuck I'm rambling." He mumbled the last part under his breath, taking a deep breath, before continuing, "Y/N, what I want to say is–I'm sorry." He looked at you again, "I'm sorry for not being good enough for you, but please–" he knelt down in front of you, so you could be at eye level, "–forgive me, if you still can."
"Oh my god you idiotic dunce." You laughed at him, causing his expression to change to one of confusion.
Jay didn't have time to register what happened next, the only feeling his mind knew was the touch of your soft, familiar lips on his, the mere atoms that existed between you, now faded away as you ravaged each other, each attempt to get closer, an attempt of love and confusion.
"Fuck, doll," he groaned, your foreheads leaning against one another, his hands gripping the fabric on your waist. You looked up into his eyes, witnessing the inner battle reflected in his gaze as he grappled with the decision to restrain himself or not.
"Fuck it." He finally said, grabbing your face with his hands and pulling you towards him for yet another kiss.
He kissed you like he was dying, his body subconsciously reacting more to the kiss then he’d wish it to. He pulled your flush against him, his strong hands coming to cup your face, his shoulders shrugging in a futile attempt to have you closer. Jay opened his mouth, causing you to gasp at the feeling of his tongue against yours. Your mouth moved with his as if it was known to you; As if this was a dance you had practiced for years to perfect, as if the dance of your lips was a song that Jay had mastered just for you. 
"Jay I-" you hesitated for a moment, what if he didn't say it back?, "I love you." His eyes—the color of an intoxicating champagne—beckoned you over with nothing more than a tired smile.
"Oh sweetheart," Jay's hand brushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear, "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to hear that."
His mouth hesitantly chased yours until you brushed your fingers through his hair and pulled him towards you, finally connecting your lips again. His touch was gentle, almost like he wanted to be careful with you. Yet, you wanted to breathe him in—lustfully addicted to the taste of his lips.
His palms laid flat against the curvature of your back whilst your hands grabbed at his collar, pulling him flush against you—the throbbing between your legs did anything but lessen with the close proximity.
Jay had never before tasted something sweeter; your saccharine lips fit so perfectly against his—he was convinced that they were made for him to kiss and caress. His cock stirred in his pants for he could only wonder how divine your cunt would taste on his tongue. Jay needed it all. he trailed his fingers up your front, pinning the fabric of his shirt over your tits. His fingertips dance across your skin as he detached his lips from yours.
"Wait Y/N–" Jay pulled away, leaving you chasing after him, "Are you sure you want this?"
"Yes," You breathed, pressing a kiss to his lips, "Fuck yes I want this."
Jay needed no more words from you as his fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, as you kissed him back, your heart pounding in your chest.
"Wait a minute love." Jay mumbled into your ear. Slipping his arms beneath you, he lifted you into his arms, his hands squeezing your ass as you wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms round his neck for support. Jay led you to the adjacent room, presumably his bedroom, setting you down with care on his bed.
As soon as you were settled on the mattress, Jay's senses ravaged on you. His hands grabbed your face, pulling your lips against his in a passionate kiss. You could taste the bitterness in his mouth, perhaps from an afternoon shot of bourbon, the familiar scent of his cologne filling your senses. Jay's hands moved down your body, tracing the curves of your hips as he pulled you closer. As Jay's hands continued to explore your body, you couldn't help but sigh. "fuck Jay."
"Shh doll." Jay shushed you, "Let me take care of you, yeah?"
Your clothes quickly fell to a pile on the floor, and Jay's lips found your neck, leaving a trail of sweet but rough kisses. His touch was urgent and passionate, a release of the pent-up energy that had been building up all day.
Soon, he was pushing your underwear to the side, revealing your slick folds to him. The warm atmosphere of the room kissed your cunt with a breeze, eliciting a shallow gasp from you.
"Wet for me already, doll?" Jay smirked, his eyes travelling up and down your body, as if he was a saint worshiping his patron goddess. His low chuckle vibrated throughout your entire being, sending you into that same state you were in when you drank the aphrodisiac at Sunghoon's house. It was pathetic on your part that Jay had managed to get you like this without so much as sticking his fingers in you.
"Jay stop teasing-“ the words die on your tongue and you gasp for air, fingers pulling at his soft locks as he prods his fingers at your entrance. Your cunt sucked him in with ease—his long fingers fucking deep into your pussy. Your hand swiftly gripped the edge of the bedsheet until he placed his hand over yours—gently intertwining your fingers while you arch your back in pleasure.
Jay leaves one final kiss to your lips before leaning back and forcing your knee down with his left hand. He was locked in a trance, watching the way your pussy would gush every time his fingers would pump inside of you. His fingers rapidly disappeared past your folds as you cried out.
Your hands frailly clawed at his wrist, only to be swatted away while he kept his pace—eyes trained on your precious cunt.
With parted lips, you brought your gaze down to glance his fingers as they were buried knuckle-deep inside of you, you couldn’t even hint for him to stop, not that you wanted him to anyway. How could you? With the way he was beginning to curl his fingers forward, pushing against your slick walls, it was nearly impossible to push him away. The feeling alone forced a chain of whimpers from your mouth, only encouraging him to do more.
He continued to fuck you with his fingers, pushing and pulling them out of you with a growing sense of urgency. Eventually, he was leaning down to connect his lips with your nipple before beginning to suck on the sensitive bud with haste.
"Jay—ahhh." You draw out a raspy moan, feeling his tongue circle around your nipple, "Jay I—"
But before you could even finish your sentence, your larynx was screaming out his name like it was gospel, as you came messily all over his fingers. Jay smirked, as he gazed at your beautiful, fucked out face, his dick positively bursting from how much he wanted to absolutely ruin you.
"Eyes on me, doll." Jay commanded, you moved your pupils to face him. He looked absolutely breathtaking, towering above you. You winced as his fingers dug deep into your waist, he lifted you up with ease and propped you on top of him. Your positions were now switched, and you had no idea what to do.
"Go ahead and take my pants off." He told you. You happily obliged, your fingers were practically scrambling to unzip his pants, as you tore them off of his legs, revealing the cause of his earlier bulge. You hum at the sight of his cock, licking your lips as you swipe a thumb over the angry red tip, spreading a bead of precum over it, causing Jay to let out an almost inaudible moan.
"Now—" Jay sighed, hard enough from the feeling of your fingers on his length, "Be a good girl and ride my cock."
Your eyes widened at his words. You were delighted, of course, at the mere prospect of having his dick to yourself. Unfortunately for you, you had no idea how to tell him you didn't know how to do what he wanted you to do.
"I can't." You mumbled underneath your breath, causing Jay to chuckle.
"Speak up sweetheart, I can't hear you."
"I don't know to do it!" You said, more agressively than you had intended to say it. But Jay just laughed again, this time it was more of a mocking one than amused.
"Oh sweetheart." He extended a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek, his hand was warmer than your face so you melted into his touch, "Want me to help you?"
You did nothing but simply nod, feeling slightly ashamed and slightly insecure about the fact that your brain was telling you, you've disappointed him.
"What's going on in that brain of yours hmm?" Jay grabbed your hips pulling you down onto his stomach, "Scared, doll?"
"No—no!" You panicked, "It's just that—what if I don't...do it correct?"
"Doll, do you really think I'd be mad at that?" Jay raised a brow at you, which quickly turned into a expression of concern, "Did Heeseung ever do that to you?"
"Sometimes." You mumbled underneath your breath, "He'd get mad at me if I didn't know."
"Fucking bastard." Jay said, his hands gripped your hips tighter, as his eyes wandered all over your body. He couldn't bring himself to even comprehend how Heeseung could have behaved like that with you.
"I-I do know some things." You started, adjusting your body on Jay's stomach, "I know how to—" you paused, "—get on."
You felt your cheeks heat up rapidly as you internally slapped your forehead. Jay chuckled at your embarrassed expression, hands still digging into your hip.
"Alright then." Jay said, freeing his hands from your body, "Go on."
Sighing, Jay lies back down, hips going still. You shift yourself so that your pussy is lined up with his cock, using a hand to brush the tip against your folds, never going further than that. Jay lets out a whimper at the teasing sensation.
"Fuck doll—don't tease..." Jay sighs in pleasure, as you lift yourself up, hands on either of his shoulders. Both of you let out a collective, satisfied moan as you slowly sink down on his length, feeling it stretch open your cunt slow and steady. Jay groaned again as you gripped him tighter to balance yourself. His hands found their way back to your hips.
"shhh." Jay's big hands continued to roam around your body, one landing on the small of your back and the other massaging and cupping your tits. He used his hand on your back to push you down further.
"breathe, love, i'll help you." when you finally sank all the way down onto his cock, when Jay was finally buried balls-deep in your pretty little pussy, it felt so amazing because you were so so full.
No one had ever been so deep inside you. His cock was kissing your cervix, and it had your pussy clenching down on him so tightly that you thought it might be a little hard to move.
“Fuck.” You lift your hips, and slowly ease yourself down again. Lustful whimpers and moans escaped you as you slowly repeated your motions, feeling almost dizzy at the way his big cock was stretching you out. His dick felt so fucking good; hot and throbbing and aching to burst inside you.
Throwing whatever scrap of inhibition you have left, you raise your lower body before roughly slamming your ass back down. The harsh movement makes you cry out in pleasure. You start to move eagerly, not holding back any of your movements.
Once you got started, you couldn't stop the rhythm — up and down up and down up and down — until your vision began to blur from how fucking good it felt. His cock hits deep inside you, stretching out your tight little hole with every bounce.
Jay's view from below you was incredible. tits bouncing, head flung back, and moans pornographic — it was all enough to drive a man mad. he couldn't keep his hands off of you. whether they were gripping at your thighs to keep you warm on his dick, or gripping and pinching at your nipples, or running them over your back hard enough to leave scratch marks, they were constantly in motion — worshipping your beautiful body.
"You're so—fuck—pretty." Jay cooed at you, ignoring the sharp pain on his shoulders with how you were digging your nails into his skin, "be a good doll for me now."
You were straddling him, your head thrown back with both hands on his shoulders as you tried to keep a quick pace. He had his hands pressed deep into your hips, helping you move in a fluid motion. You felt him hit your sweet spot every time you made your way down, letting out tiny whimpers at the feeling.
"Fuck doll—" Jay moaned, he was loving the way you were using him for you own pleasure, "G-Good girl, you're a good girl for me aren't you?"
You couldn’t hold in the loud moan you had been holding in for a long time, feeling your stomach flutter at his words. You felt a slight burning in your thighs and you knew Jay's shoulders held tiny crescent shapes from how tight your grip had become. You felt one of Jay's hands move to your clit, rubbing small circles on the bundle of nerves.
A pathetic whimper escaped your lips as you felt a familiar fire burn in your core, edging ever closer as you drove yourself to the end of the tunnel. It didn't help that Jay perked his hips up, practically slamming his tip into the deepest crevices of your pussy and driving you insane as you finally came down.
Your moans grow louder, echoing on the walls as you feel the impending climax. "I'm cumming! Oh god, don't stop!" Each word is punctuated by a sharp intake of breath and a quivering sensation throughout your body. Your pussy gripped tightly around him, milking his cock with every thrust. Your legs tremble and your body shivers, wracked with pleasure as your orgasm crashes over you. "Fuck, I’m cumming!”
Gazing at your drunken being, Jay took the opportunity to harshly grab your hips, and bring you down underneath him. Your back hit the mattress roughly, as you felt nothing but his cum still in your walls.
You were awoken out of your cock-drunk stupor by the harmonious taste of Jay's lips, as he kissed you, his hands circling your breasts
His neck muscles strained as he deepened the kiss. You broke the kiss as you looked down at him, your breathing uneven. The low lighting making him look absolutely ravishing. Freshly kissed lips made them redder as his eyes droopy from the lust behind them, looking at you.
"Jay please..." You trailed off, feeling exhausted from the expert riding lesson.
"Please what doll?" Jay chuckles into your neck, his tip teasing your labia. "Jay–need—your cock." You throat out. The room felt like it was spinning at a fast rate as Jay chuckled again. His cologne was like poison to you, wrapping you in tight corridors of pleasure and pain.
"Fuck, you're such a dumb doll for me aren't you?” he prompts, moving closer. He spits into his hand, pumping the moisture over his cock before positioning himself above you. You whimper as his tip touches your labia, he wasn't giving you what you wanted anytime soon, and you were getting impatient.
"Jay—" you say his name like a prayer your tongue had memorised, "—Jay, please..."
"Dumb fucking doll." Jay muttered under his breath, gripping your chin with his two fingers. He went in for a filthy, messy kiss, before you were cry out, the feeling of him pushing into you driving you mad.
Taking his dick between one hand, Jay slapped your ass in the other as he rubbed out the red imprint beginning to spread beneath his fingers. You vulnerably flinched at the feeling, letting a low moan out as you squeezed your eyes shut.
Rubbing his sensitive tip against your pussy, he hissed through his teeth at the feeling before lining himself up with your entrance. Holding your hips in his hands, he gripped his fingers on your skin as he pushed himself inside of you between your folds, equally pulling your hips back on his cock, your warmth instantly wrapping around him as your lips parted at the feeling, letting a moan out into the bed.
Waves of pleasure accompany the sting of the stretch, and your eyes flutter as he rocks slowly into you. He’s watching the way his cock splits you open, low grunts coming from deep in his chest. He shifts, one hand pressing on your lower stomach, thumb swirling over your clit. you cry out, head falling back onto the pillows. The other hand lifts one of your legs, pushing it towards your chest.
"Jay–ah-ahh" You moaned loudly, holding onto his biceps and burying your face into the crook of his neck. His hand slid in between your bodies, reaching down to your clit and rubbing rough circles, increasing the immense amount of pleasure you were experiencing.
Jay’s thrusting became faster, harder, like a man starved. His grasp on your chin returned to your hips. As Jay rolled back slightly, sitting on his knees, he brought your hips to meet his, your back still on the bed. From this angle he has full control over your body, not that he hadn’t before. But now he could control his thrusts, making them sharper, harder. Beneath him, your eyes screw shut in pleasure, consumed by his ministrations. You look beautiful like this, he thought.
Cheeks red, hair a mess, sweat glistening on your skin, he had been a fool not to have claimed you as his before. His wife, he thought, his and his only. "Ohh fuck!" You whined, feeling Jay's cock drill into you, hitting that perfect spot in your tight cunt. You were powerless underneath him, his balls slapping against your pussy with each thrust, his hands snaking around your thighs to wrap your legs around his waist as he pounded into you. He groaned in pleasure, leaning down and softly nibbling your earlobe,
"god, you're fucking amazing." His eyes gleamed with satisfaction as he picked up the pace, his cock slamming into you with increasing intensity. He was merciless, taking what he wanted, dominating your body perfectly.
Jay's fingers dig deeper into my skin as he pounds into you, his dick was slamming against your most sensitive spot with every thrust. His hands slide up your back, his fingers tangling in your hair as he pulls my head back
"you're gonna look so pretty when you're all full of me, doll," he moans out and grabs your hips tightly with his rough hands, holding you in place as he slams into you.
Jay's hand slides from your hip to your clit, his fingers rubbing against it in slow, deliberate circles. You moan, your body trembling beneath him as he continues to thrust into you, his thick cock filling you completely.
His fingers move faster, his touch becoming more insistent as he rubs your clit, his movements matching the rhythm of his hips.
You feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, your body trembling with every touch, every thrust. Jay's breath is hot against your ear, his voice husky with desire as he whispers sweet nothings against your skin.
You came hard and threw your eyes back, twisting your body and separating yourself from Jay's mouth in a desperate search for air. His chest was heaving, his skin was flushed and sweaty, your sex was still eagerly sucking the other's length that kept burying itself to the bottom in you, and then leaving and entering again as if it were predestined for that.
"Fuck, you're so hot." Jay moaned loudly, as he felt your pussy suffocate his length, "Fuck—you want my cum sweetheart?"
"Jay—oh fuck!" You gasped loudly, "N-Need your cum–please."
Jay groaned, you saw his Adam's apple protrude in his throat and you gasped, feeling him move slightly in your pussy.
"that's it doll, cum for me, fuck—just like that." He drawled out in a lazy whisper.
Jay rested his forehead on your collarbone and let out several low moans before cumming inside you. After recovering from the orgasm, he stood up again between your legs with a sigh, looked at your union dripping with fluids and came out of you, putting the semen that flowed from your entrance back inside with his fingers, making sure that everything stayed trapped inside you.
A painful emptiness was left in you when Jay slowly pulled out, with a train of curses escaping from his mouth, as he lay down next to you. You both lay in silence, with the only sound being the sound of your laboured breathing.
"So—" Jay broke the silence, "—what now?"
"What now?" You asked the same question back, with a slight chuckle as Jay smiled at you, "Do you want to get up or do you want to stay here for some more time?"
"I'd prefer the latter." He answered, scooting himself closer to you, "Unless you want to take a bath?"
You hummed in response, taking the invite to wrap yourself in his arms. Evidently, neither of you were interested in leaving the bedroom.
"Jay?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you too doll."
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Taglist: @diorsyun @jaeyunluvr @hoondrop @mxxninthesky @alvojake @wondipity @blurryriki @lilyuwon @heeliopheelia @pshazez @heeslomll @seunghancore @shiningnono @deobitifull @luvitria @nyfwyeonjun @hwa-0403 @bubblegyu00 @sunpov @heeheeswifey @chartrucewhore @slut4hee @heesangs-blog @rikiwaify-blog @hirablackcat @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @kirinaa08 @heeshlove @seokseokjinkim @brownsugarbaybee @yzzyhee @anittamaxwynnn @kgneptun @penny44224 @ribbioniki @strxwbloody @immelissaaa @nshmrarki @yawnzzhoon @sousydive @yunhoswrldddd @whateverhoon @cloud-lyy @missychief1404 @ensaz008 @sunsunl0ver @binniesbabe @oneheart-break @skzenhalove
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haechoxo · 6 months ago
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[6:42 pm]
"who was that guy you were with earlier?"
"can i have a minute to breathe before you start interrogating me? i'm still naked," you sighed, feeling slightly frustrated.
haechan just shrugged, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. "just wondering."
"you mean you're just jealous," you playfully teased, a slight smile forming on your lips. although you and haechan were only friends, there was an unspoken connection between you two. one text, and he would show up at your place in no time, but lately, those encounters had become less frequent.
"mark is a friend from college, remember? lee minhyung? you guys were practically roommates for a semester... he recently moved back home and wanted to catch up, that's all," you reassured him, hoping to ease any concerns. he responded with a muttered "okay" before grabbing his clothes. it had become somewhat of a routine, his presence in your home dwindling. he stayed for shorter periods, making you feel somewhat unsettled.
"the guys are planning to have breakfast together this friday. you’ll be there, right?" you asked, trying to break the awkward silence that seemed to taint your recent one-on-one encounters.
"yeah, i think so. renjun will give me an earful if i don't show up for another group outing," haechan replied, chuckling lightly. maybe things weren't changing after all. satisfied with his response, you murmured a quick "good" and left it at that.
"alright, i’ll be heading out now, got shit to do," he added without any endearing nicknames—no "babe," "angel," "baby," or "honey." nothing.
"oh, okay. see you friday then," you said, offering a half-hearted smile, hesitant to lean in for a hug, let alone a kiss. but he didn't seem to share your hesitation. he simply left, hands in his pockets, giving you a solitary nod.
as you fell back onto the bed that suddenly felt much larger than it did just ten minutes ago, letting out a shaky exhale, realizing you had been holding your breath.
what is happening?
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a/n ; first post… 😟 beginning part of an extremely old wip i wrote instead of paying attention to my lecture during my first semester of college i think,, like late 2022😹 its kind of corny and im annoyed at how short it is,, theres more but i doubt it’ll be finished let alone posted because most of my wips are usually silly little dreams based on songs and i struggle with adding substance to make my work longer blah blah blaaahh theres also lots of changes to be made because this was originally a jeonghan piece!! crazy,, anyways lmk what u think, advice is appreciated! xoxo jelly
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thealtoduck · 7 months ago
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Being the Son of Calliope, headcanons…
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PJO x Male Reader (No romantic pairing)
Warnings: None…
Summary: You’re the son of the goddesss of epic poetry and eloquence and One of the Nine Muses…
(A/n: I know I was meant to work on other stuff but I got distracted.)
(Song is unrelated to the story but it felt Muses coded so…)
——
You were the only half-blood at camp related to one of the Muses, specifically Calliope, the Goddesss of Epic Poetry and Eloquence.
When you had gotten to camp you used to stay in Cabin 11, even though you’d been claimed, there was no cabin for you. So you ended up bunking with Travis Stoll.
But after the war with the titans and Percy’s demands to Zeus to the gods, a cabin dedicated to the Nine Muses had been built.
You being made the counsler… not that there were any other options…
The cabin was great tho, it was decorated with statues and carvings of the muses and their symbols. There were paintings hung of their famous demigods too such as Orpheus, Hyacinthus and Linus
The cabin had a big book case with novels, plays, comedies, tradgedies, poetry. A soundproof dance studio, a soundproof music room with a bunch of instruments, a sky window to study the stars.
Basically everything associated with the Muses.
——
If you had a nickel for everytime someone had tried to pick you by saying ”you were their muse” or that ”you had inspired” the poem, song or novel they wrote… you’d be richer than Hades.
You were particullarly popular amongst the Apollo cabin who seemed to think you were some kind of key to overcome creative blocks. Will Solace, their counselor, needed to keep them in check since they all seemed interested in you in one way or the other.
Athena’s and Hephaestus’s cabins were also drawn to you for your creativety.
——
You would however end up being paired with the Apollo cabin to lead the campfire sing-alongs, you usually end up with a solo song telling the dramatic story of some greek hero.
Imagine something like ”The Gosphel Truth” from ”Hercules”, with the Apollo cabin acting as you back up singers.
——
As for your powers, you were far from the strongest of demigods, but you were by no means weak.
You had a natrual talent for the arts, singing, dancing, poetry, instruments, etc…
As the son of the goddess of Eloquence you could cast minor short lasting curses on people that would effect their speaking, that could for example cause them to only speak in rhymes and limericks or make them unable to finish long sentences before drifting off.
Your swordfighting style would be noted by the other campers to be quite different, while they fought normally with their swords, Percy described your style more as a ”VERY deadly and sharp dance”.
Being related to the muses you also had an aura that could induce inspiration and creativity in someone (so maybe the Apollo cabin was on to something with their interest in you).
Though that power worked both ways as you could also curse someone with creative block.
——
Unlike most demigods, you’re mother showed up quite often to advice you whenever you had a problem… and she didn’t come alone.
Let’s say you’re in your cabin and you’re sad after having an argument with a friend.
Well… then all the 9 statues of the Muses in the cabin come to life and start singing a pop-soul number about why friendship is important and you should make up with your friend.
It’s was quite terrifying the first few times it happened but you get used to it after a while.
Being one of the Muse’s son is pretty much like being all of their son.
(A/n 2: Sorry, this is shorter than i usually write and is more so a collection of small headcanons for a Son of Calliope!Reader than a full on fic.)
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prettyboykatsuki · 8 months ago
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I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU CAN'T KEEP WARM | ODXNY
✮ tags ; heavy themes, gender neutral reader, mentions of past suicidal ideation, getting together, romantic tension, angst to fluff, extremely lovey-dovey ending, some implicit and suggestive content (lit one paragraph n non descript), themes of touch starvation, small height difference (reader is shorter)
✮ wc ; 6.3k (this is so shameful bye forever)
✮ a/n ; every time a semester ends i lose my mind and me writing this in several hours straight is evidence. if i had a nickel for every time i wrote a character study with the central theme of loneliness, i'd have two nickels - which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
i will spare you the insane rambling for the authors note at the bottom of this fic.
✮ synopsis ; he wants something. to live maybe. and if he could be a little selfish, to be with you. he wants that, too.
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Bright.
Could just be the dark room he keeps himself in talking. His computer system and encrypted Internet browsers are all in dark mode - and his desktop set-up doesn’t have any L.E.D. strip lights to keep him company. He prefers it that way, the ambiance a better environment to work in  when he’s doing his usual rounds. Down to the programs U.I. - Odxny spends most of his time in perpetual darkness. Cozy and familiar - totally safe and secure. Nothing but the low whirrs of a computers fan and the faint blinking of routers to keep him company.
You’re the brightest thing he’s had on his screen in a long time. You’ve got white walls and no precaution, really. You’re sitting at your own desktop - and he can see everything of your life in the background of where you sit. There are photos of you graduating high school, being around unnamed friends, vacations and trips, and head shots like the kind you take for a resume. It’s all so personal. Bookshelves, trinkets, poorly made clay sculptures. Posters of musicians you like and Studio Ghibli movies. Evidence of life surrounds you like a halo.
Awful. Angel comparisons to someone he’s only known for a day make him wonder if he’s more pathetic than he thought. He probably shouldn’t think so hard about a stranger, a real stranger. Thrim generated randomly, though he thinks it sounds like a name. Finds it fun to say, for better or worse.
Natural light pours in from a window nearby, casting shadows in your room. He already knows you, in a way. He did the background search. Where you were born, raised, grew up.  The schools you went too, the career you seek. Bits and pieces of you are all scattered in his memory and are not at all thorough. He wasn’t really trying for that at the time, just needed to know if you were dangerous. There’s a cognitive dissonance. To know a life so thoroughly and to witness it is completely, and utterly different.
There’s miles between you. Must be thousands. He can’t remember the last time he’s really met someone, though. It’s hard not to notice that this feels akin to that. Like the embers of a campfire, glowing but not burning. A comfortable warmth.
Bright. His screen is very bright talking to you. Even obscured behind the mask, it’s a little difficult to look at it and leaves him on edge - restless and mildly painful.
When his vision adjusts though, there’s clarity. A person, a stranger - with an exceptionally nice laugh and who is exceptionally trusting. Odxny tries not to think too hard about the feeling of warmth that flutters at your overflowing sincerity.
The conversation is easy.
“Does that mean you trust me now?”
Odxny pretends to think on it. “Enough to keep you around.”
“See you later.”
“See you.”
You accompany your last words with a wave - short and sweet. Darkness pulls him in, back where he started. He has a mild headache from all the light.
__
You pick up on the language better than he thought you would.
He underestimated you. Can you blame him? Your choice is language is ArnoldC, for fucksake. Sure, he has limited knowledge on esoteric languages but can it really be in-depth enough to show you the basics.
(It can. Or at least, Od presumes this to be the case because you’re rather helpful in Incri’s hacks and Incri is hardly helpful to anyone in the world, no less the server.)
You pick up on things quickly with little guidance - always to the point and not usually making many errors. He has to commend your abilities and give you credit where it’s due. It’s not a hard language to learn, but for anyone with no familiarity with coding at all he’d expect there to be a learning curve. Even if you had coding language, it’s not like you knew SQL coming in.
You fit strangely well into the server somehow. You’re happy to learn and nonplussed about helping with small things, though you don’t know these people at all and have no reason to participate in their nonsense. You talk to Incri fine, and manage to get Pep to accidentally reveal telling information. Odxny finds all of this rather… entertaining maybe. More than impressive, really.
He has a hard time making sense of the feeling. He would hope you don’t think you’re under duress - given the fact your relationship in two days has been pleasant. Then again - maybe he’s missed some social cue and you do think that. It’s possible. After all, he doesn’t actually remember the last time he’s spoken verbally to anyone with very, very few exceptions.
He manages to call you again after the fact - opens the call with sincere and heartfelt congrats and feels pleasant seeing you take the compliment in stride.
You land on the subject of programming again, inevitably. He interrogates you a little more over your choice in language - almost like he can’t help himself. It’s basic curiosity. You had said you were the best in ArnoldC. A little research proved that to be true, presence of you in the forums of various esolang pages. He landed on many things. You’re the best at ArnoldC, but you also know Brainfuck for some ridiculous reason.
He thinks you’re a little ridiculous in general.
“It’s really for the love of the game, huh?”
You nod when he asks this. Smiling, bright and unbothered with a soft edge of smug pride that makes the muscles of his face twitch up. “Mhm. I like my little collection.
Odxny doesn’t doubt it for even a minute. He’s seen the proof, but perhaps he doesn’t need to mention that. “Your trophy case of ridiculous language?”
Your eyes come to life all of a sudden. “Wait. A real trophy case would actually be so cool.”
He pauses, blinking as the words sink before a smile breaks onto his face helplessly. “That was not to enable you.”
“Too late. I’m already looking up the ugliest wood trim display cases I can find.”
The laugh comes naturally. “You really are just like this?”
You look proud again. “What? Fun?”
Yes, Odxny thinks but doesn’t say. “Baffling.”
You ask Odxny to elaborate and he does. The conversation flows with frustrating ease. So easily that he mouths off about his plans to you without a second thought. He doesn’t know why he does it. Not really. He’s thought it through over and over - so it’s not like he needs to disclose it. He made his choice.
He thinks about moving it along. About ending the call or simply brushing past without going into any detail.
When he glances at the screen, you’ve got a pillow in your lap and your eyes completely focused on him. There’s that feeling again, alarming clarity in your gaze and brightness that causes him immense unease in the world he’s made of nihilistic, apathetic darkness. There’s a plan, always has been. He’ll do this and disappear and the world will soon forget him. If it happens that way, than at least this loneliness is a choice he’s made for himself and not something the world has cruelly decided for him.
His lips move faster than his head, than even his heart. Compelled by a nameless and brilliant force. “I don’t have any reason to stay. I’m just — tired. Of everything.”
“No reasons? Nothing makes you happy here?”
His response is measured. Quiet. It’s not secret. He finds his voice crumbles around the words anyway as if they’re a confession. “Not for a long time. I don’t feel much of anything, really. It is what it is.”
You frown. He’s seen it all before. Heard it all before. “That’s…”
He cuts you off quickly.
“We just met. And we’ll be strangers again soon enough.” He says with as much conviction and resolve as he can possible manage. Who he’s convincing remains unclear. “So, not to be cold but..you know.”
The disappointment in your face leaves an impression, but you relent. He tries to make amends for the depressing conversation of talking again and you perk up so genuinely it makes want to cry, in a distant and foreign way.
“Catch you later, then.” He says, and closes at out the call. The room falls dark for the second time. He blinks a few times to get rid of the light clouding his vision.
__
Wnpep is eager to teach you on the third day.
You’re eager in reply - matching energy with sharp wit and enthusiasm. Wnepep is a better teacher than Incri by several miles. Evident in how much faster everything falls into place for you. Not that you really need too much help in the first place. You break down the crumbling walls of an insurance scam with ease and come out of the other side more accomplished.
It’s a noble last hack, Odxny thinks.  Not unsurprising from Pep - unofficially the most sane and likeable member. He figured it’d be something like this less than a matter of personal vengeance.
You go back and forth for a bit in admin chat. Od types an apology about winding you up and tries not to read too much into the innuendo of it as you reply back with your own faux offended replies. He insists he’s somewhat sorry, and you’re far from believing him.
He finds himself grinning at his screen while he texts you mid conversation. When the realization hits, he almost curls into himself from embarrassment - a hand covering his mouth like it’ll do away with the grave sin.
The inneundo happens twice in one conversation, before you get to call under the premise of a victory toast.
A brief conversation about the last hacks barely leaves room for much else except Odxny plans of total isolation.
“Mm. I should’ve known it would come back to this. Why do you care what I choose to do with myself?”
That baffles you in a terribly genuine way. “Am I not allowed to care about another person?”
Odxny speaks honestly. “You are but I mean…” He trails off. He knows how he feels. “I’m not really a person anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m no one. I’m going to be no one. You have other things to fill your life with.”
There’s a vulnerable edge to his voice that he winces at when he hears it. It’s true isn’t it? All of it is true to Odxny, but especially where he says you have other things to fill your life with. You might share the same hobbies, but he’s seen it. He’s seen how different you are - your livelihoods, your existence. You’d be missed if you suddenly disappeared. Odxny knows the same isn’t true for himself. It’s been like that for a long while now.
(It’s crushing. That’s what makes your very ephemeral existence feel like a burden. Why it casts the shadows of doubt on choices he made, about how he would live so long ago. You care, don’t you? At least, more than anyone else in his life in the present. You care so undeniably, and so obviously and it is all so simple to you.
He almost envies it. Almost resents it, too. It’s such a small shred of humanity, the barest forms of sincerity but it is painfully raw. A split nerve. An open wound It’s not like the server, all of whom have accepted this distant fondness. It’s a delicate thread - spider silk accuracy and just as much strength. There’s conviction in your missing him and it haunts him.)
You think of what to say for a long time before landing on it. “I do. But I can care about multiple things at once,”
It sounds like I care about you too closely. He finds himself shivering. He’s truthful with you, unsure of how else to be when it comes to these conversations.
“That sounds burdensome.” He says. “Isn’t that exhausting?”
You don’t lie to him either. “Sometimes. But it’s worth the trouble.”
“Why?”
“Because I like your company,” You reply. Soft sincerity in your words. More clarity. More painstaking light.
“It can’t be that simple.”
“Why not?”
“If it was that simple then -“ Then it makes it seem like things could be different. He doesn’t say that. Stops himself before it can happen. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to argue. Why do I feel like I need to prove this to you?”
He’s almost afraid to look at your face, wincing when he sees how knowing you look. Not in a condescending way - but genuine, full blown understanding. Like you see through him.
He wonders if he knows you as well as he thought he did.
Your face is so sympathetic. “Are you sure it’s me?”
He cuts the conversation short on his own - making an awkward transition from the topic at hand into whatever he can manage. It’s an awkward fumble - a poor attempt at distracting both of you from this line of thinking. You’re kind enough to let him have it. He asks about your hobbies. You tell him about how you like to try the weirdest things and combinations you can find in a restaurant.
He finds it suits you.
A lot of things suit you. Even your piss poor attempt at the Terminator that he quickly mimics - possessed by god knows what.
You laugh when he does. Brilliant and bubbly and characteristically warm. You say the words through giggles.
“That was so bad!”
“It was a lapse in judgment,” He replies back defensively, smiling against his will. He finds himself laughing too.
“I like your laugh, by the way.”
He pauses caught off-guard. “Oh? My laugh. Oh, uhm. Thank you.”
You make a face that he can’t read. Knowing. In a different way than the last. He feels nervous.
“I have been laughing quite a bit, haven’t I?”
You grin. Smug and deliriously happy. “Sure have.”
He looks away from you. “Ha...Odd.”
You giggle again. Your eyes crinkle at the corners, nose scrunched in genuine delight. It’s a pleasant sound but not because it’s particularly wispy or floaty or delicate. But it’s real. Pleasant in the way the white noise of park during summer. Pleasant like the varied playlist overhead in a record shop. Pleasant like a moment of humanity tucked between everyday. He clears his throat.
“I like your laugh, I think.”
You laugh again, gasping with faux offense. “You think???”
He tries not to feel so grounded by that sound and fails. “Yeah. I think. Laugh again.”
He tries not to add please. You shake your head like you’re reprimanding him.
“No, no, you have to earn that. Make me laugh.”
“Nevermind. Shut up.”
You do laugh again that time. He joins you soon after. “And now you laugh? At me?”
The conversation moves again, comfortable like a tide. You ask about his favorite language and he tells you as much. You’re quiet and growing cheeky, listening to him talk.
“So you do like coding.”
“Maybe a little.” He replies, not giving in. “You remember far too much of what I say.”
The conversation comes to a close again. He thanks you for how nice its been and you make an off-handed attempt to get him to change his mind. You could always talk more. The implication delicate beneath it.
We don’t have to forget each other. Odxny brushes past it - but says he’ll see you tomorrow anyway.
__
Extorting Elimfs childhood friend (?) is an easy enough endeavor. Odxny texts you through out - to ask advice on what things to take when he leaves.
He calls you again when its over too. He can’t find a reason for it - nothing that makes sense. He just wanted to call you. He hasn’t wanted something like that in a while,  but he tells himself its fine. This is the last time you’ll ever know each other.
So its fine. He won’t waver.
He’ll just.. call you.
He asks you on your weed habits, mildly surprised when you tell him you smoke and take edibles sometimes too. The conversation loops back to the fund at one point. You don’t hide your displeasure about the whole thing today.
You’ve talked about it already. No need to keep bringing up. But you seem to feel so strongly and Odxny can’t figure out why. Can’t shake the feeling of wanting to know why every single time.
“Is it really so hard to believe I’ve come to like you in a few days?”  You ask, after probing.
“In a way that matters, yes.”
You frown at him when he says that. It’s the most upset he’s seen you look, if he can call it that. You’ve never been upset when he’s been rude or insulting - but this is bothering you. It doesn’t help him pull away from you.
He says it again. Reinforces how temporary this all is. He’s trying to convince one of you. Both of you, maybe, of his unimportance.
“I don’t think that little of you.”
He finds it hard to reply to that. It’s that feeling against. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s not empty platitudes or some vague sense of responsibility for his life. All of it is real, and all of it is meaningful in how plain it is. You make it seem easy.
“It’s life. It’s normal. People come, people go.”
You shake your head. “Not for me. I can’t forget you that easily.”
He wishes you would. He’s painfully, painfully relieved that you wouldn’t it. He voices neither thought.
“Then- try! You’re putting so much on yourself, and for what? You don’t stand to gain anything.”
You shrug. “Peace of mind. Knowing you’re still out there.”
It’s heavy. The implication is heavy. He’s not going to kill himself. He doesn’t want that anymore, though he thought about it. At the beginning. Loneliness is more painful when you have memories of what not being that way was like - he thinks. At the start of all that loss, the hollowness bared an almost painful gravity inside of him.
It’s like being told to breathe or blink - becoming conscious of what was once a natural function, how full life was once when it’s escaped. He doesn’t want to kill himself, but living is meaningless.
 These things aren’t paradoxical to him. They haven’t been for all this time.
(They weren’t until he met you at least. A mirror of wanting. Odxny looks at you and sees life reflected back. Despite it not being his, its moving. It’s beautiful in a human way, reachable. Tangible. Earned.
Wherever you are. Whenever you’re together, the black hole inside of himself seems to fade back into average planetary darkness. He becomes cruelly human again, feeling warmth and laughter.
He’s tells himself he’s not afraid of dying and that’s mostly true. He’s most afraid of living. Afraid he won’t be able to learn it again.)
 He manages to tell you some of what he’s thinking. He has no clue how to start over. He doesn’t know if it’s possible. You don’t feed him any false hope, but he tells you how he sees it. You’re feeling pity for him right? And you should figure that out sooner rather than later.
“Is it really that easy for you?”
You shake your head. You’re smiling but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “It isn’t. But I have to try.”
“Is that what you’re doing with me?”
“What?”
“Is this…?”
He cuts the call off when he hears himself, unsure of what answer he’s hoping for. The realization dawns on him too much, too quickly. The feeling of hope is loud in his chest but there is another feeling, embarrassing in it’s swiftness that follows shortly after.
Oh.
Oh.
__
The servers shuts down after a mildly sappy adventure to close up shop. The closest Odxny has gotten to flirting with you in his own way. He’s sad to see everyone go, despite there being no other choice.
It’s easier than he thought it’d be. To give you his number he means, even after shutting the entire server down. After leaving everything behind. He gives you the choice to make. Call me if you still want it - a silent promise.
 Maybe because deep down - some part of him always wanted to make this choice. Just maybe.
Your voice is different over the phone line. A little clearer, spoken softer. Just as lovely as it was the first time he heard it. Maybe more. Maybe.
The city beneath him is bright. So bright. It doesn’t hurt to look at, he thinks.
__
You call him every day.
You’ve been doing it for months.
He thought, at some point, you’d let up or start to forget. He’s been waiting on it to happen as horrible as it sounds. Like some self-fulfilling prophecy, he’d slip back into the background as is natural. A proof of his nonexistence, if you will.
You don’t forget though. He almost wonders if he’s dreaming when it happens. There’s a routine between you two, these days. You have your own life that you’ve been living the same as normal. When it’s night time for you, though - you hop onto your desktop and call Od like you’re two very average people.
There’s nothing solid to define your relationship aside from friendship as is. This is less frustrating than he expected it to be. Getting to know you better has only made him like you more. Your relationship is solid in a strange way. It’s been about six months total, and as corny as it sounds - Odxny feels like he’s known you for his entire life. You understand him in an intimate way, with vulnerable tenderness and radical acceptance.
He kind of misses the privacy of his old stomping grounds, but he doesn’t mind speaking though discord. It feels… normal. In a not displeasing way. You mostly talk to talk about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it’s your job search, other times it’s  your part-time or friend drama. You’re vibrant as always. Without the wall of anonymity, Odxny gets to know of you like he’s just your average person. He finds he really, really likes that.
You play games together frequently. He’s never been interested in cozy gaming, but you play Minecraft and Stardew Valley together per your request. Odxny streams himself playing Ocarina of Time for you on Discord in the background sometimes too, and you keep it on when you’ve got work to do or you’re cooking or something else. There’s something very mundane to it.
You’re not doing anything with him today though. You’re calling him on facetime, rather than at your desktop. You’ve made the executive decision to laze around and Odxny has no problem joining you though you speak less than usual as a result of being sleepy. You had a long shift yesterday so perhaps Odxny can’t blame you.
“Need to get better shoes. For walking and stuff.” You say thoughtlessly. The corners of his lips twitch up.
“Yeah?”
You nod. Your face is smushed against your pillow at an unflattering angle. He smiles a little.
“Yeah. I’m on my feet for like nine hours when I serve and it hurts wearing flats. Need something sturdier even it diminishes my drip.”
He laughs at that. “Please never say that again.”
You continue onwards. “Decreases my aura, even. But alas, utility comes first.”
He snickers as he glances at you through the phone. You’re propped against one of his monitors as he does work on his computer. He’s getting back into programming for the love of the game, just seeing what he can do.
“Want help looking?”
“Feels a little ridiculous asking a super pro-hacker to shop Sketchers with me.”
“You seriously thinking of buying Sketchers?”
You laugh lightly. “Maybe I’ll get tipped more if I get the light-up ones.”
“Please don’t.”
“Hater.”
You break out into genuine laughter as Odxny shakes his head in despair. It’s something you’d do, no doubt. You sigh.
“I really do want a break from work.” You roll around on your mattress. Odxny can hear your rustling but can’t see you much. “The chains of capitalism shackle me in place. Woe is me.”
Odxny thinks on what you’ve said for a long while in silence. The question comes up every now and again though he’s never brave enough to ask it. His ludicrous amount of disposable income however is still sitting in his bank, collecting dust. It’s been six months and he’s hardly made a dent in it.
“Do you want to come visit?” He asks, cringing at the sound of his own voice. The words are strained and a little too eager. “I can pay the difference for expenses for wages and stuff. And, uh. Uhm,”
He loses his train of thought trying to speak, worsened by the way you pop onto his screen when he says that. Your expression is unreadable to him, comfortable and even. You smile a little as you lift the phone so he can see what you look like laying in your bed. Your face is in full view.
“It’d be a little weird to visit you before we start dating officially, no?”
His eyes go wide at the implication. You grin, mischief and mirth making your eyes practically beam. He can feel a blush crawl up his neck as soon as he registers it.
“Excuse me? Why are you saying that like it’s already been decided?” He bites back, not sure what else he could say.
“So you don’t want to date me?”
“I didn’t- you - damn it,” He groans at his own bluster as he giggles on the other side of the line. So cheeky. Damn him for liking it and damn you for being cute. “…You are saying you like me right?”
Your face softens. He can feel his heartbeat quicken. “Uh-huh. Just wanted to take it slow. But I’ve liked you for a long time.”
“How long is that, exactly?”
You shrug playfully and the fact he can’t be within reach to kiss you feels especially harrowing. “A secret.” You smile again, all trouble. “So. Wanna date?”
“Terrible confession. Zero stars,” He says petulantly. He leans back in his chair and finds himself smiling uncontrollably. “Fine. I guess.”
Your laugh fills his room. He doesn’t get tired of hearing it. His face hurts from smiling.
__
He manages to stave off on the anxiety of you coming to see him for a lot longer than he thought possible.
Making arrangements proves to be a little difficult. You have to tell your roommates that you’ll be gone for a while but promise to still pay rent and explain to your boss where you’re going. You have a good enough relationship and have been working long enough for them to agree to keep a spot open so you can start working when you come back.
After that, there’s the matter of Visas. Odxny goes out of his way to make that process go much faster than normal, though he doesn’t actually tell you. Once all of that’s sorted, there’s living arrangements. Try as you might to insist to live somewhere else, his place is too spacious for him to let you stay anywhere else. You can take the guest room.
He pretends that all of this is just happening in his imagination. He doesn’t even know the last time anyone came over, let alone lived with him. He does his best to make things presentable, and makes a guest room for you to live in should you desire. He even buys more decor (plants and things) to make it look… less like a cave and more like a home.
Nothing really feels real until the day arrives though. It’s a long flight and difficult trip. You refused to let him pay for the tickets so he moved it around to get you into first class both ways through other methods.
You text him the terminal, the arrival time, any and all delays. Still. None of it feels real until he’s already waiting for you near the bags. He can feel his heart race, his lungs short of air. He’s never experienced something so ridiculously contradictory in his entire life. He wants to run away while feeling stuck in place.
The anticipation nearly kills him.
He would recognize your voice anywhere though. Like he did for so many days alone in the dark. A hand waves high, shouting as loud as it can.
“It’s you!”
The sound of sneakers skidding across tile floors make his breath hitch. His eyes go wide as you stand still in front of him, luggage in hand and a million-watt smile on your face. He feels his heart beat so loud, he wonders if he’s going to throw up.
“Hey.” He says, dumbly.
“Hi!”
__
The adjustment period to living together isn’t what he expects.
It’s been a long time since he’s been so close to another human being. It becomes clear that you’re really living together though when your things end up in the bathroom completely incidentally. There’s something about finding your sleep shirt on a towel rack that makes reality settle in. You’re living together.
He’d be stupid not to notice the purposeful distance between you. An attempt to be thoughtful and not overwhelm him. It’s never awkward when you’re together. You eat together, watch movies and play games while sitting too close on the couch. You’ve been on a date in the two weeks you’ve spent, and it barely took any convincing on your end to make him go along with you.
Isolation aside though, Odxny is not clueless to the conventions of modern dating. You avoid touching him too casually. He doesn’t blame you, but he can’t help but crave your presence with a little more bittersweet longing as the days pass. He has to get past it or bring it up eventually, but it feels like something he’s never going to get over somehow.
The opportunity to do so gets thrown at him all at once. You’ve been living together for sixteen days. A conversation about love languages is what undoes it.
“Whats your love language, Od?”
He gives you a quizzical look. “Dunno actually. Never bothered to look.”
“I’d guess… hm. Quality time maybe? Or words of affirmation.”
He shrugs as he sits next to you on the couch, glancing at your phone as you read through the different ones. “What’s yours?”
“Physical touch. I’m super touchy. With anyone who will let me, honestly. Bad habits.”
Odxny gives you a long look as you say it. He debates if he should bring it up.
“You don’t have to be so careful around me, you know?”
You look up at him, startled by the comment. Several things pass over your face before you settle on an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’s not like I don’t want to. I just don’t want to be too much for you.”
“That wouldn’t happen.” He says automatically. You laugh good-naturedly.
“Your confidence is assuring, but you underestimate how touchy I am. I’m afraid of I get my hands on you, I’ll never let go again,”
He thinks he wants that more than is normal. He shakes his head. “I don’t mind.”
You give him a long look, seeming struck by an idea, before humming and standing up. You turn around with your hand out towards him. His brows furrow in bewilderment.
“Have some faith.”
He takes your hand and stands up with you. He likes that he’s taller than you. Staring at you, he feels your fingers clasp around his hand and his heart thuds - loud and messy.
“Your room or mine?”
“What?”
You laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter. Or don’t actually, but I don’t bear lewd intentions.”
He crinkles his nose at the word usage and laughs. “Shut up.”
“Just trust me, okay?”
He concedes with embarassing swiftness.
“Okay.”
__
You lead Odxny to the guest room you’ve been living in for the last two weeks. The bed is well-made and all the new furniture he bought is occupying so many of your belongings. It makes him dizzy. You shut the door behind him as you lead him in. It just feels especially surreal.
Wordless, you let go of his hand and hop up onto your bed. Once you’re laying down, you prop up on your side with your elbow and pat the empty space next to you, smiling at him as you do. Once it clicks what your asking, he can feel his face grow hot. He can’t refuse it though, and he doesn’t want too.
The sheets you bought together smell like you. Between there’s practically no distance between you at this angle. He’s gotten to look at you plenty through these few days but it’s different. You scoot impossibly close to him until there’s nothing separating you.
Your breath is warm - a soft exhale leaving your lips as you inch closer.
“What’re we doing?” He asks in a murmur, stone stiff. You smile, coyly.
“Touching each other.”
He frowns at the joke. Your expression goes a touch serious right after. The sincerity is debilitating. “Can I touch you?”
He nods. Can’t do much more than that.
He stares at you with impending, long-suffering longing as you bring a single hand to his face and cradle his neck. He flinches unintentionally, but pulls your hand back when you try to move it. He wants this. You relax a little when he does that.
Your hands are softer. Softer than a heartbeat. He can feel the various cuts and scars from years of working against his skin but they’re still so soft. He can feel how warm you in such a brief touch his chest aches. Your hands cradle his face tenderly, thumb brushing across his lip with a smile brighter than thousands of lights. Something in your expression wreaks havoc on his heart. Something so raw and so gentle and so full within it - all directed towards him.
It’s been so long. So long. He’s never wanted something so bad  he couldn’t remember needing. He’s never wanted to be closer to someone than he does to you in the moment.
“You’re handsome,” You say, so sweetly. Not a confession, but gentle appraisal. It’s rare he cries but he wants too. “I like looking at you. Can I kiss you?”
“Please.” He rasps, gravel in his voice unfamiliar.
You hum a little. Closing the space between you with a press of lips. It’s not chaste. Odxny is grateful for how long and how deep you linger. He wants it so badly. He wants you in some damning and unforgiving way. How could a human being feel so warm? Feel so pleasant with so little?
You press your foreheads together. His hand trembles when they grip onto your waist but you encourage him just a little. It’s just a kiss. His heart might beat out of him. It’s just a kiss. He thinks he loves you.
Your hand moves away from his face. You let it go underneath his loose shirt to touch his shoulder, running your palm down the plane of his chest. You squeeze his waist, and wrap your arms around his back and pull him to you until your bodies touch somewhere in the middle.
You guide his face to your neck and chest as you hold him. He grips onto you tight in response, a gasp in the back of his lungs at the sudden sensation. You coo above him, soft and light - your fingers threading through his hair and nails massaging his scalp.
Your voice sounds above him, despite how deep in a haze he is. He can’t do anything but cling to you with impossible longing. You speak softly as you pet him. Your heartbeat soothes his.
“I’m glad you’re here.” You tell him. There’s that familiar clarity that makes him want to cry. “I’m glad you let me come with you.”
He can’t think of anything to say back. It’s a soul-shattering emotion. “I love you.”
You laugh wetly above him. “I love you, too. So much.” And then much softer. “Let’s be together for a long time.”
__
You lay in each others arms until sunset. In small talk and silent murmurs. It takes him hours to work up the courage to kiss you again - but only minutes to take it further.
It’s desperate. Terribly. Inevitable. You’re beautiful in a way that is undescribable, best expressed through his teeth on your neck and his hands all over where he can reach - each grip and thrust and bite a reminder. You’re pretty when you’re pleased, warmth reaching up inside of him whenever you make the right face.
He buries himself in you. You’re soft and warm and beautiful and he wants to stay with you. Time is a thief. He damns the sun when it tears you from him come morning.
__
He decides to make breakfast when you wake up. Nothing complicated. You go to shower after him and he plates up toast and eggs and other various things. It’s half done when you come downstairs.
Your skin is still damp, and you smell of vanilla and soap. Your coffee sits in a cup on the table as you pad over to him. He turns to look at you as you reach your hand up and cup his face. You pepper a kisses along his cheeks stopping at his lips for the last one before you’re satisfied.
He fails in his attempt not to blush.
“Morning.” You grin. He tries not to be sick at the domesticity of it all and fails.
“Yeah. Morning.”
You sit at the counter and drink your coffee, glancing outside the window. “It’s bright outside.”
Odxny can’t tear his eyes off of you. “Yeah...” He agrees. He’s not torn his gaze away. “Very bright.”
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✮ a/n ; i want all real life compsci men to kick rocks but odxny sweeped me off my feet in a way i can only describe as humiliating. he is a bit like astarion for me in that i see a lot of myself in him at least in the past. he is also incredibly babygirl and uhm . other things (fine. he's very gorjus.) but i truthfully was most compelled by his idealized idea of isolation. as the fic will show it resonated with me as a fellow compsci dork who also tends to isolate like crazy LOL
this fic was like a demon that possessed me. literally no meds, no caffiene - just balls to the wall demonic possesion of needing something out of my system LMAOO. and adhd of course. im working on all the other stuff too i promise. consider this a short interlude 👍🏾
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asterias-record-shop · 9 months ago
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star, doll, goddess, muse — (r.a.b., m.r., t.n., l.b.)
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Your boyfriend Regulus was the hottest guy in school, and the rest of his band mates were definitely up there too. When he asked you to be part of his band as a singer, you didn’t expect his band to be a part of your entire relationship as well. 3.1K words – happy birthday bestie! @nastyyavenuee
“Reggie, I don’t like the lyrics,” you sighed as you pressed your face into the pillow, throwing your notebook across the bed. “They don’t fit the mood of the song.”
“What do you mean, darling?” Regulus looked up from strumming his bass, raising a brow. “I thought you liked them.”
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You sighed, shaking your head. “That was before Enz started adding all of those drums and now it sounds like a sex song.”
Regulus grinned. He only grinned like that with you, specifically when he had dirty thoughts. “Oh yeah? What kind of sex song?”
At first, you didn’t really realize what he was asking. “Come on! Mattheo wrote, ‘perfect skin glimmering as she pleads, stars running down her cheeks as she screams?’ That is literally fucking someone and making them cry.”
Regulus stood, setting his bass down and walking over, coming behind you as you shifted to lay on your stomach. He softly kissed your shoulder blade as you continued to mumble the lyrics under your breath.
“I don’t even have any lines to sing! And what is this? It’s you, She’s my star, she’s his doll, and then it switches to Matty, she’s my goddess, she’s his muse, and she’s all of our- *laugh.* What the hell does that mean? Laugh in asterisks? What does that mean?!”
He laughed softly as he continued to kiss your skin, humming softly. “Think, my star,” he mumbled, continuously kissing against the back of your neck. “Just think… my darling star.”
You inhaled deeply, swallowing. “This… it’s about me?”
He laughed. “Of course it’s about you, doll… who else would it be about?”
You smiled, leaning your head back onto his shoulder as he slipped his fingers under your hips to slightly lift you up. He positioned himself above you as he helped support your now lifted ass, slipping a pillow under your hips.
“I don’t think it was the best…” you inhaled as he lifted your skirt, his tongue trailing along your shoulder. “To expose me like that.”
“Expose you?” Regulus laughed. “How is it exposing you when you’re always so obvious?”
“Obvious?” You scoffed slightly, unable to stop yourself from giggling slightly. “How is it so obvious?”
He laughed, using one hand and keeping you up before he started to undo his zipper with a soft groan. “Look how you don’t even protest or anything… you’re so used to just being lifted up and used.”
A sharp inhale leaves your mouth as he softly begins to roll his hips, letting his cock rub against your bare cunt as he groans softly. “Come on, you know that… you know that when we started opening up the relationship, I had to be ready… at all times…”
“Oh, I know,” he groaned, slowly sipping inside with a sharp inhale. “Fuck, you’re so perfect… so perfectly stretched, who fucked you last?”
You groaned as he steadily rolled his hips, moaning as he kneeled down behind you. “M-Matty… Matty fucked me last.”
He hummed, groaning as his thrusts got more collected, easing into a steady rhythm as you dug your nails into the pillow. “You like his dick better than mine?”
Oh, you liked all of their cocks for different reasons. Mattheo’s dick was the perfect blend between girth and length, Regulus’ cock was mainly length, Enzo’s was more on the shorter side with a larger girth, and Theo’s cock was perfect on both length and thickness, but he kept himself prettily groomed.
“N-No-!” You gasped as he snapped his hips forward, roughly fucking you into your cunt, groaning into your ear. “R-Reggie!”
“Mmm, such a perfect cunt,” he murmured into your ear, groaning softly. “Dammit… mhm, I’m going to love watching my cum drip down your thighs as you play that guitar.”
You blushed madly, inhaling as you tilted your head back. “Oh my goodness…”
He laughed again, groaning as he started to move faster, his hot breath fanning your ear as you pushed your hand back to hold his head with a soft whine. “My star, you’re so fucking perfect…”
“F-Fuck, I love it, I love it…” you whined mindlessly, rutting your hips back into his as he groaned.
“There you go, keep fucking yourself back onto me,” he moaned, pulling you closer as he kissed the back of your neck. “Come on.”
You moaned loudly as you tilted your head back onto his shoulder, whining as he continued to roll his hips, fucking into you faster as you felt your stomach start to twist and clench. “R-Reggie-!”
“I know baby, I know… cum, cum on my cock… and then I’m going to fill you up so much that you’re going to be leaking.”
You whined as his hand slipped under you, his fingers rubbing against your clit roughly in a circle as you choked softly, tilting your head back as his face ducked down to kiss against your neck. You could feel your orgasm getting close at the added stimulation, whimpering softly as he continued to rut his hips roughly, groaning into your ear.
He felt your cunt clenching around his cock, a telltale sign that you were about to cum as he continued to rut his hips. “Fuck, you get so tight…”
Your mind was blurred as you whined softly, unable to think of anything else. Your stomach was clenching as you neared your orgasm, his loud grunts barely able to be heard over the ringing of your ears – fucking hell, you were so close.
“R-Reggie…”
He groaned as he twisted your clit, just rough enough for you to get pushed over the edge, cumming as you whined loudly. As you came, your walls clamped down on him, pushing him over the edge as well for him to cum into you.
Your eyes rolled back into your head as you whined loudly, your stomach burning as you came on his cock, his cum slowly pumping into you. The hot ropes of cum made your stomach twist as he continued to languidly roll his hips, tilting his head forward as he moaned into the crook of your neck.
“Fucking hell, my pretty star… you drive me crazy…”
You whined softly as you held onto your pillow, his lips pressing to your head against the sweaty hairs stuck to your skin. “Take a rest, baby… we have band practice later.”
You hummed softly as he stayed inside of you, closing your eyes as he helped your body steadily lay against your bed before kissing your head again. He doesn’t pull out, not that you wanted him to, steadily holding his weight above you as you softly kissed his cheek.
“I love you,” you whisper softly into his ear, humming.
“I love you too, my beautiful star,” he whispered back, kissing your head again as sleep slowly took over.
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When you woke up, Regulus was dressed and you had some new clothes on. It was Theo’s favorite outfit, a yellow plaid skirt with a black button down that had Theo’s initials engraved on it, as well as some black blocky heels that covered your fishnet leggings.
Almost on cue, Theo walked out of the restroom, smiling at you. “Hello, my muse,” he smiled, humming as he walked over, rubbing his head with a towel. “Good nap?”
You hummed, leaning your head into his kiss as he softly held your cheek. “Yeah. Good nap.”
“Good, my muse,” he mumbled as he ducked down to softly kiss your lips, smiling. “I got you dressed so you could go and sit with us in the astronomy tower while we practice.”
You paused slightly, tilting your head as he softly puckered his lips to yours again as he continued to talk. Oh, Theo was always good with his mouth. “I’m not going to practice?”
He hummed, shaking his head as he kissed the corner of your lips. “No my muse, this is our song for you.”
You smiled as you leaned into his chest, humming softly. “Fine. Help me up.”
And he does, helping you stand against him before Regulus walked over and pulled you onto his hip. “Good morning, my star.”
You smiled as you leaned into him. “It’s not morning, Reggie.”
“Well you just woke up,” he hummed in response as the three of you walked out, Theo leaning closer to you. “It’s only right to say good morning.”
“Is it though?” Theo said playfully, smiling as his eyes trail over your chest to see his initials monogrammed onto the shirt you wore.
“Shut up,” Regulus snapped in annoyance, pushing Theo’s head away as he ducked down to give you a kiss.
“I’m agreeing with you, my muse. I feel like that should get me a kiss…”
He puckers his lips as you blushed madly, pushing him away as you cover your mouth. What was so bad about the school not knowing you fucked four guys?
Honestly, it wasn’t bad. You weren’t embarrassed. You just knew that as soon as everyone knew, they would never let anyone forget.
The entire flight up the stairs, Regulus tried to push Theo off of you as he kissed you repeatedly. Normally, he didn’t mind too much, but this time, he minded more than usual because Theo was obviously getting horny with your clothes on him.
You giggled as you walked into the rehearsal room, biting your lip as his hands pulled your waist into his own, kissing against your neck as he groaned into your ear.
“Fuck, I want to fuck you so bad,” he mumbled into your ear, groaning softly as you pushed your hand back to cup his face. “You’re so beautiful…”
“Go play,” you smiled, gasping as you felt a slight spark of electricity run up your finger, and when you looked up, Mattheo was already sweating as he set down his guitar and walked toward you, holding your hips tightly and pulling you in for a firm kiss. “Did you shock me?”
He hummed, nodding as you spoke into his mouth, groaning softly as he pulled your waist into his and groaned into your mouth. “Hell yeah I did,” he mumbled, tilting his head as he pulled you closer. “Wanted your attention on me-”
You yelped as someone dragged you away from him, Enzo grinning as he cupped your face and pulled you in for a firm kiss. “Didn’t want you to forget about me…” his fingers slipped under your skirt, sliding down to where your cunt was still bare besides thin strips of the fishnets. You gasped as he bit his lip, groaning softly as he slipped his fingers into you. “Oh you’re fucking filled…”
“Quit it!” Regulus gets on stage, grabbing his bass that he must have brought earlier. “We have to practice.”
Enzo rolled his eyes, giving you one more kiss. “Boss is calling, doll,” he smiled, chuckling slightly. “Go sit down, we brought you up a couch.”
You smiled, humming as you kissed him again. “Okay.”
So you moved to sit down, the boys getting behind their instruments before Regulus jumped down, throwing something at you. At first you didn’t realize what it was, blushing when you saw the pink vibrator as he held up the remote.
“Play with yourself as we play your song. Makes it better.”
You weren’t going to say no, especially when you knew that he was going to let all of them take turns with the remote, and they always looked so hot when they played their instruments.
So, you laid back on the couch, watching as they correlated which parts went to who. Of course Regulus would say that you were his star and Matty would say you’re his goddess, along with the very explicit crying parts and all of them joined in for the chorus – even Theo who played the drums – but the rest of the parts were still open.
As you watched them argue, you got more and more turned on, slowly sliding the small vibrator up and down your slit. They slowly began mumbling instead of arguing, letting you capture their attention as they moved to settling the actual sound of the song.
At first, you don’t notice the missing guitar, still mindlessly pressing the vibrator to your clit as you smear the cum dripping out of you all around your puffy cunt lips, until a hand softly touches against your knee. Your eyes snapped open, stomach clenching as Enzo crawled toward you. You inhaled as he softly kissed against your thigh, kneeling in front of you. “Y-You should be practicing…”
“I should be,” he whispered, gently licking against your puffy lips as you whimpered softly, inhaling sharply as he parted your thighs. “But you look so pretty like this…”
You inhaled sharply as he took the vibrator from between your fingers, rubbing his fingers along your stretched cunt as you put your ankles over his shoulders, moaning as he brushed his tongue along your slit to lick up the cum. “I want you… I want you so bad…”
You moaned as you lifted your hips, letting him slide his hands under your thighs and pull you closer, his mouth enclosing your entrance and his fingers pushing into you.
A wail fell from your mouth as he did so – Enzo was always good with his fingers.
His tongue joined in with his tongue, groaning as he started to lick up the mixed cum that fell from your pretty cunt, his mouth eagerly opening and closing against your cunt before lapping at the newly formed essence that dripped out. “So… fucking… good,” he moaned, tilting his head back as he stroked your slit and started to rub at your clit with his other hand. “Fuck… you always taste so good, doll, so so good…”
“E-Enzo…” You whimpered, tilting your head back as he rutted his hips. “Pl-Please, don’t stop, please don’t stop…”
“I won’t,” he mumbled, groaning softly, pushing his face deeper into your now ripped fishnets. “Oh fuck doll…”
You whined, bucking your hips as you held the back of his head, unable to register the pausing of the music. You were too focused on his mouth to register Mattheo coming behind you, gasping as you felt something prod against your mouth. Your eyes flew open, looking up to stare at Mattheo’s pretty cock.
Mattheo was very good with his cock.
He smiled down at you, gently patting your lips with the tip of his cock. “Open your mouth, my goddess,” he hummed, leaning forward slightly. “And suck me off.”
Regulus pulled your hand to his cock, humming with a slight bite of his lip. “Come on. Put all of your body to work.”
Almost on cue, Theo came to your other side, pulling your hand to his cock.
“All of you,” he groaned, bucking his hips as Enzo grazed his teeth against your clit, making your hips jolt. “Make all of us feel so fucking good.”
You opened your mouth obediently, gagging softly as Mattheo pushed into your mouth, eyes rolling back as Regulus and Theo spitting into your hand as you felt Enzo’s mouth push closer to your entrance.
You started to pump his cock, gagging on Mattheo’s as he gently rolled his hips, groaning loudly. He inhaled deeply as you bobbed your head steadily, Theo and Regulus thrusting their hips into your hand. “Fuck, my star, you know just how to treat us…”
You choked as Enzo’s fingers got rougher inside of you, his other hand moving down to your ass. You gagged as you felt your eyes roll back into your head, his hands soaked from your wetness in your cunt, slowly pushing into your back entrance so that one of the boys could use you later. Your head couldn’t have tilted back more as Mattheo continued to use your throat like a fleshlight as he moaned loudly.
Regulus and Theo never paused in their thrusts, wrapping their hands around yours to keep your grip tight on their cock as you spread cum and precum up and down their shafts. Enzo continued to use his fingers to stretch out both of your entrances, your hips rolling back and forth to keep both of them inside of you, Enzo’s mouth never leaving your pussy.
He was sloppily eating you out, saliva and cum dripping down your slit down to the cushions of the couch as Regulus started to speed up. This was his second orgasm of the day, so he was definitely going to get closer faster than the rest of them.
Enzo wasn’t even close, Mattheo’s hips were moving faster as he rutted into your throat and tried to get to his high quicker while you were approaching yours quickly. He was so close just like you were, as well as Regulus and Theo as Enzo started to flick his tongue against your clit making you squirm.
You gagged around Mattheo’s cock, eyes watering as you tried to get to your high, your stomach clenching and twisting as Enzo continued to get you closer to the edge. The grunts of the men around you made your body tingle, and with one more flick of his tongue to your clit, you came all over his face.
The triple stimulation made your mind blur and your vision go black, choking as Mattheo’s cum spurted down your throat as cum splattered onto Theodore’s monogrammed shirt. It was hot and wet, so much so that you could feel it through the expensive fabric, gagging as Mattheo pulled out of your mouth and continued to spurt cum into your mouth and on your lips.
You eagerly licked up the pearlescent liquid as Regulus let your hands fall, inhaling. “Get on your knees.”
You did so quickly, Enzo quickly moving to your mouth so that you could give him head as Regulus laid beneath you, slipping into your cunt as Theo pushed into your ass, Mattheo staking his claim on your fist and keeping it tight around his shaft.
“You’re so fucking perfect, my star,” Regulus whispered into your neck, moaning against your sweat-shined skin. “Such a perfect little free-use lead singer for us.”
And you couldn’t have loved it more.
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