#I think they are getting off alright....mostly....

[honeypiehotchner]

The Gambit (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part two

I'm bored so [smashes plate] ANOTHER! I've been writing this faster than I thought I would 🤭 Hope everyone is having lovely and relaxing holidays xx

Warnings: just angst and the case progressing! Hotch is kinda an asshole but it's just how they show their love to each other xoxo

“You and Hotch still got it, huh?” Morgan teases, leaning his head over to grin at you. Part of you missed car rides with Derek, and the other part of you remembers just how much of a little shit he can be.

“Shut up and look at the road,” you mutter, pushing his face away from you.

“I’m looking, I’m looking,” Derek taps the wheel, shaking his head to get your hand off him. “What is it with you two, anyway?”

You shrug nonchalantly. “We’ve never gotten along, you know that. You were there when we met.”

“Uh, yeah, I remember being glad Hotch got all the heat instead of me,” Derek chuckles. “You’re intimidating when you’re pissed off.”

“Good,” you say, smirking. “That’s the point.”

“Alright,” Derek says, letting the topic go. For now. “We’ve got five minutes ‘til we reach her house. What are we telling her?”

“Well, I want to take a look around, if you’d like to talk.”

“I can stall,” Derek nods.

“Five bucks says there will be no pictures of the father in the house, at least not in the living area or hallway, where family photos most commonly are.”

“You sound like Reid,” Morgan quips.

“Our IQ’s are really close,” you remind him. “I just don’t have a damn eidetic memory. That shit is insane. I don’t envy him there.”

“Me either,” Derek shakes his head. “I remember things plenty without a magic memory.”

“I hear that.”

Derek turns into the driveway of Lila’s home. One car is in the driveway, a silver Ford. Her mom’s car.

“Ready?” Derek asks.

“Never,” you reply, opening your door. “But it’s our job.”

Derek knocks on the front door, but stands back so you’re the first face the mom will see. Given who her ex-husband is, you suspect she might be distrustful of all men, regardless of whether or not they’re here to help.

As expected, the mom eyes Morgan’s badge more closely than yours.

“May we come inside?” you ask.

“Yes,” she says, pulling the door open to let you both inside. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Morgan says politely.

After shutting the door, the mom begins talking — rambling incoherently, more like.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, dropping her off at school this morning. I knew something felt off when I woke up, it just— I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Ma’am,” Derek says. “Please, sit down.”

“I can’t,” she says, waving both of her hands like windshield wipers in front of her body. “I need to pace. Helps me think better.”

Derek looks at you, and you shrug. She’s obviously too wound up to sit down. Which is a good sign. If she was indifferent or resigned, there would be a bigger issue at hand. Clearly, she had no idea this would happen, so she definitely wasn’t in on it.

You take a look around the living room while Derek calms the mother down, mostly just letting her ramble, and take mental notes of what to ask her about later.

As you predicted, there are no photos with the father in the picture. All of them are the mother and Lila, mostly baby photos. Lila is a pre-teen, she clearly doesn’t want her photo taken. There is one where Lila looks older, but she’s not happy.

You take a closer look. She’s really unhappy.

“Mrs. Monroe?” You turn toward her, a sympathetic smile on your lips. “Has Lila been depressed lately?”

Her mom nods. “She’s been struggling ever since uhm— Ever since her father left. I’ve had her in therapy every week, but her therapist says she’s not really opening up. She might later, but right now she just doesn’t talk at all. She doesn’t want to.”

“I understand,” you murmur. “You’ve done the right thing by getting her help. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.”

“She still ran away!” Mrs. Monroe cries.

“Please,” you move toward her, resting your hand on her arm. “Let’s sit. Can Agent Morgan get you a glass of water?”

She nods, looking up at Morgan. “Thank you.”

Derek disappears into the kitchen.

“What makes you think Lila ran away? Other than her mood, were there any other signs?”

Mrs. Monroe shakes her head. “She’s talked about it before, told me she wanted to run away and that she hated me. I thought therapy would help with that, but it hasn’t.”

“Would her father help her at all? Run away, I mean.”

“Richard?” Mrs. Monroe asks. Derek reappears with a glass of water, handing it to her. “Thank you. No, he wouldn’t, he— She doesn’t even know what he’s done. I’ve never told her.”

“Would she be capable of finding out?” Derek asks. He takes a seat in the chair adjacent to you, resting his elbows on his knees.

“No,” Mrs. Monroe shakes her head. “I monitor all of her Internet searches, who she texts, who she emails, everything. She thinks I drove him away. That I didn’t love him anymore and told him to get out. She doesn’t know that it was because I caught him burying a body.” She sobs into her hand, her words barely decipherable now. “And now she’s gone and she hates me and I don’t even know where she’d go— it’s like I don’t even know my own daughter.”

You take the glass from her hand and allow her to sob into your shoulder. You know what this is like. Because you were once Lila, a runaway who left her mother in pieces until she returned home. Your circumstances were different, but not by much at all.

“We will bring her home, I promise,” you say, despite yourself. Despite not knowing what the rest of this case will entail, what else you’ll uncover. “Did Lila have any friends that you didn’t approve of?”

Mrs. Monroe shakes her head again. “She doesn’t have many friends, but she talks to one girl, Marie, almost every day.”

“Where is Marie right now?”

“At school,” Mrs. Monroe says, sniffling. “I called her mom right away. My mind went to the worst case scenario, you know, I thought Lila would grab Marie and convince her to go with her—”

“Convince?” you question. 

Derek hears you and asks the next question you have on your mind. “Does Lila ‘convince’ Marie to do things she doesn’t want to do often?”

“Sometimes,” Mrs. Monroe admits, beginning to sob again. “Oh, God.”

You share a look with Derek, not liking where this is going, but you don’t know if you’ll get much else out of her right now.

“What things would Lila convince Marie to do?” you ask.

“Just small things, I don’t know,” Mrs. Monroe replies. She’s shutting down. “I don’t know why I said that, I—”

“Okay, okay, it’s okay,” you try to calm her down. “Do you mind if Agent Morgan and I take a look in Lila’s room?”

“How will that help?”

“We might be able to find something that could tell us where Lila might have gone,” Morgan explains. “Sometimes kids leave clues. We might be able to find them.”

Mrs. Monroe nods. “Okay. Can I— Is it alright if I lay down while you do that?”

“Of course,” you smile. “Come on, let’s get you to your room.”

You help her stand and walk back toward her bedroom, getting her inside. She lays down on top of the covers and shuts her eyes.

You close her door and meet Morgan back in the living room, his phone pressed to his ear.

“Y/N’s back, you’re on speaker, Hotch.”

You roll your eyes involuntarily. Hotch couldn’t leave the two of you — mainly you — alone, could he? 

“Alright, I want the two of you to stay there and go through Lila’s room. Tell us anything you find. The school has given Garcia their security camera footage; she’s going through it now. It’s like she’s disappeared into thin air and that is not good.”

“We’ll find her, Hotch,” Morgan says.

Hotch is quiet.

“Mrs. Monroe doesn’t think Richard had anything to do with this. She says Lila doesn’t even know—”

“Morgan told me,” Hotch says. “Call me back when you have something new.” He hangs up and you roll your eyes again.

“I’m gonna keep a tally of how many times you do that,” Morgan teases.

“Be my guest,” you reply. “And keep me updated. I bet it’ll be in the hundreds by the time this case is over.”

Lila’s room is everything you’d expect from a regular pre-teen girl. And reminds you too much of your room when you were her age.

It’s almost like she’s too open. Posters are everywhere. Her favorite movies, actors, and bands. Her bed is made. Her closet is neat. The desk is covered in schoolbooks, yet also clean. 

“Morgan, I know this room.”

He turns around. “What?”

“We can know everything about her from one glance. She’s organized. She loves English, hates science, but is very good at math. She likes alternative music, not boybands,” you point to the posters. “Fantasy movies only. Her closet is too neat. It’s like she’s not even living here.”

“I’m not following.”

“I think she’s been planning her escape for a long time,” you say. “Which makes me think she had help.”

“Okay,” Morgan goes with it. “From who? You heard her mom, she watches everything Lila does.”

My mom did too, you think to yourself as you pull out your phone. You already have Garcia on speed dial, something she suggested for you.

“What can I do for you, my new angel?” 

Morgan chuckles while you answer Garcia. “Can you possibly see the search history after it’s been deleted?”

“Duh,” Garcia says. “Give me the IP address and I can show you all the dirty, dirty secrets on there.”

“Perfect, I’m going now,” you leave Lila’s room, peeking in Mrs. Monroe’s room to be sure she’s still resting. She is. 

You head to the living room where you saw Mrs. Monroe’s computer. Thankfully, after wiggling the mouse, it comes right up. No password or anything.

“Okay, she must really watch what Lila does,” you mumble. As in, Mrs. Monroe must stand over her daughter’s shoulder before even letting her turn the computer on. “How do I…?”

Garcia laughs and tells you what to click to pull up the information she needs. You recite it to her and she quickly works her magic.

“Oh, no.”

“Garcia,” you reply warily. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

Morgan hears you and comes into the living room. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” you glance at him. “Garcia, what is it?”

“I’m going to need a minute to go through everything but…”

“Garcia, spit it out,” you put her on speaker, lowering the volume so only you and Morgan can hear her. “Garcia?”

“I don’t know for sure, but at first glance, this looks…it looks like she wanted to go with this person.”

“Shit,” you mutter. “Okay. We’ll call Hotch, you keep digging.”

“Aye, aye.”

You turn the computer off and pocket your phone. “We need to go back to the precinct. I don’t want to risk her overhearing.”

“Okay. Good call.”

“I’m gonna let her know we’re leaving,” you say. “I’ll meet you in the car.”

You wake Mrs. Monroe briefly to let her know you and Agent Morgan are leaving. You assure her that you’re going to bring Lila home, but that you’re needed at the precinct right now, and don’t want to disturb her rest. You hand her your card, telling her the number is the same, even though it doesn’t have BAU yet on it. 

Morgan is leaning against the car when you emerge outside, sick to your stomach.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you say. “Just hate lying to mothers.”

+++

You and Morgan decide to wait until you’re at the precinct to tell everyone what Garcia found. Better to break this news quietly in person than on the phone.

Hotch is speaking to a deputy when you walk in, but you flag him down with a nod, hoping he won’t take it personally. You’re too on edge right now to bother being irritated with him.

Once everyone is in the conference room, you shut the door.

“Garcia should be calling any minute,” you begin. “She’s going through Mrs. Monroe’s computer. Mrs. Monroe said she watches everything Lila does, but clearly not close enough, because Lila was on a popular chatting site talking with someone regularly.”

“Right she was,” Garcia joins in, having been listening on the nearby computer. Her smile is sad. “And it does not look good. I’m still digging, but a Rich34 was in constant contact with her. I’m talking every single night for hours. Mostly from 1am to 4am, while I’m assuming her mother was sleeping.”

“What do the chats say, Garcia?” Emily asks.

“Nothing more than small talk right now, but I’m digging. It’ll take a while though, sir, I’m afraid they’ve been talking for months. Almost a year, I think.”

“Dammit,” you mutter. “I was afraid of that.”

Morgan sends you a sympathetic look.

“Garcia, see if you can track Rich’s identity in any way possible. It could be her father,” Hotch says.

“Or someone posing as her father,” you suggest, earning a glare from Hotch.

“Hey Garcia, send over all the chats, I can help you look through them,” Spencer offers.

“Alright kiddo, PG out.” The line clicks.

“Reid, look for anything relating to Richard Monroe’s history, or maybe Lila’s mother. Lila and her mother haven’t been getting along, and Rich might’ve used that to get Lila away,” Hotch instructs. 

Reid nods, already leaning over to grab the chat messages off the fax machine. Garcia knows him so well; she sent over hardcopies instead of electronic.

“Do we think it’s Richard Monroe in the chat room?” Emily asks.

“I’m not convinced,” Rossi says with a small shake of his head.

“I don’t,” you answer, shaking your head. “The username is too obvious.”

“He could be taunting us by using an obvious screen name,” Hotch counters. “He’s evaded us for this long. Why would he bother hiding now?”

“Yes, but I don’t think Richard Monroe is behind this,” you argue. “Murder in cold blood is his thing. So why wouldn’t he just go grab her from the house? Why is he playing the long game like this? Why form this emotional connection if he’s just going to kill her?”

“Because he’s a murderer with no regard for anyone’s emotions other than his own,” Hotch fires back. “And because he likely holds a grudge against his ex-wife for divorcing him and taking Lila away.”

Now all eyes of the team are on the two of you, going back and forth like a tennis match.

“He murders women his own age. Lila is barely thirteen. If he wanted her so badly, he could have easily grabbed her by now and killed her. Why wait almost a year?”

“Her mother is watching her closely, and he—”

“Oh now you agree that her mother is overbearing.”

“Yes, because you met with her and confirmed it with actual evidence,” Hotch snaps. He pauses, staring at you. “We cannot rule out Richard Monroe.”

“We’ll be wasting our time if we don’t.”

“Why are you so insistent?”

“Call it a gut feeling.”

“You haven’t been doing this job long enough to have a trustworthy gut feeling,” Hotch says coldly. “Now, if you want to continue arguing, I suggest you do so with the wall. Otherwise, we have a young girl to find and her father is a priority suspect. Am I clear?”

“As river water,” you mutter. “Excuse me.” You push past your new boss, hating that he’s already gotten so deep under your skin. Again.

[stxneflxwers]

summary. mistletoe kisses~

a/n. some of these are OC x Reader... sorry? 😭 anywayyyyy. enjoy...?

characters. aventurine. dr ratio. OCs (malachy. lilith). gn reader.

cw. kissing (what did you expect, gets a little heated in aventurine's part). implied to be post-penacony (possibly, cuz i couldn't figure out when was a good time). teasing (aventurine & malachy). all lowercase.

aventurine.

he definitely planted the mistletoe there in the first place. spent most of the time trying to get you both under that special little spot so he could kiss you just right. but then, he thinks to himself, "why stop there?" when he could do so much more.

by the time you two are finally under the dangling mistletoe, he's planting teasing, fluttering kisses up your hand, your wrist, your arm. he refuses to kiss the sweetest spot in the world just yet. when he reaches your shoulder, he goes further – kissing your shoulder, your throat, your jaw. anywhere but your lips. he has the stupidest, most smug grin on his face the closer he gets to touching your lips with his own.

before he can say some strange remark about bets or risks, you take his face into your hands and smash your mouths together. the kiss quickly turns feverish, hands wandering and tongues tangling.

when you finally release his head with a soft pop, you're the one wearing the smug grin – like he had some twisted, infectious effect on you.

his whole face is pink and he's struggling to muster a single word.

you win this time.

dr ratio.

he knows of this strange tradition, but he personally never bothered to "experiment" with it. there's no experiment to be had, anyway. not to him, at least. this, however, makes you a little sad. just a little. and therefore you're going to remedy his "mistake" by interrupting his reading time.

a necessary evil, really.

you hop up to him, hiding mistletoe behind your back, and it's very obvious what you're plotting. you stare down at him with a bright grin as he sits in his favorite chair, reading another hefty yet crisp and new textbook. he tries ignoring you at first, he knows.

after a solid few moments of a staring contest (which neither of you were going to lose), he sighs.

"if you desired a kiss that badly, you could've just asked–" he starts, and you're swiftly dangling the mistletoe above both of your heads. your grin glows brighter than the sun itself. and he was threatening to put an umbrella up.

instead, he smiles wryly, "alright. just this once." he relents, and you mentally cheer – already diving in for a kiss.

malachy.

they're acutely aware of the time of year. and they know better than to walk under a doorway without checking if you're around first. they're messing with you through evasion tactics.

as they enjoy a chilly cup of a cocoa milkshake, you glare at them from the doorway that connects the kitchen and living room. it doesn't matter if it's winter, they will enjoy that damned milkshake. the milkshake you desperately want to knock out of their hands like an attention-seeking cat.

instead, you point at the top of the doorway with a pout on your lips, leading their lone visible eye to stare at the enticing mistletoe.

"...make me." they smirk from across the room, all too cozy in their seat.

"you little–!" you gasp in offense.

and then you jump up, yanking the mistletoe off and marching over to them. you hold the mistletoe above your heads.

"how about now?" you ask with a low yet agitated purr.

"hmm... maybe." they taunt you further, but before you can react, they graze their hot fingertips down your jaw. they guide your head closer, soon pressing chocolatey lips against your own.

lilith.

there's been a similar tradition in jaeger-iii for many trailblaze years now. however, as her planet is mostly populated by various parapolice forces, the tradition grew less innocent over time. however, she truly doesn't care too much. she knows people have their fun in various ways, even if it's personally distasteful to her.

needless to say, she was a little surprised when you came bounding by with flowers and gifts for her at the cathedral. she didn't expect you to be so chaste about the occasion. she silently wonders if she's the one who has degraded over time.

you're very forthright with her about your wants and needs, and she prefers it this way. she doesn't enjoy playing mind games. but this little game of yours was one she happily plays her part in.

the mistletoe was hanging above the door of her side of the confessional booth, and she smiles softly. yet you were nowhere in sight. upon opening the booth's door, you pop out and hug her with maybe too much excitement.

"kiss me?" you whisper to her, gesturing your eyes and head to the dangling mistletoe.

"...always." she whispers back, giving you everything you wanted and more.

[side-shuffling-hyperfixations]

Is it just me or do 2003 Leo and Raph have the best relationship out of all the iterations? It's my favorite, at least. Like they do get snappy with each other sometimes but their spats aren't nearly as often, as intense or festering as long as some others I've seen.

It was refreshing that Raph didn't challenge Leo's position as leader nearly as much. Sometimes he would challenge the decisions he made while leading but not undermine his position. He learned and mostly accepted that Leo would be a good leader in childhood and he backed him up nine times out of ten (even when Leo didn't know it: e.g. the "If Leo needs us, we're here. But let's see what this is all about." An instance of Raph pulling a Leo-type move, hanging back to recon rather than rushing in, while Leo's judgment was clouded. Learning from each other and supporting even from a distance)

How ready they are to be there for each other? How openly protective they are of each other? Like they're not as coy or begrudging or emotionally constipated as others about showing how much they care. Small gestures, big gestures, it doesn't matter. Leo's having trouble focusing on a plan because of the noise? Raph makes the noise go away. Wasn't Raph the first one who wanted to look for Leo when his morning training (getting ambushed by the Foot) ran unusually late? Or the scene where Leo's suddenly getting pulled away by an unknown magical force and he calls out to his brothers in alarm. Don cries, "Oh, no!" as he and Mikey stand there and watch; they freeze up. Raph dives headlong after him instantly.

And how they take it when they can't be there for each other? He dove headlong and he didn't actually make it in time to grab Leo's hand before he's gone. Master Splinter has to physically hold him back as he's still shouting and fighting to get to him (and then he has to be restrained again by magic when it looks like Leo's in danger in the 1v1 he was pulled to. Screw the fact that he's obviously outpowered by the almighty binding rules of the duel, he'll go kicking and screaming anyway, that's his bro!) And the scene where they're on top of a moving car, Leo loses his grip on Raph and he falls and from Leo's POV, time slows until he sees Raph land alright. Raph facing his fear ick about bugs, jumping down to defend Leo from the big boss bug with no hesitation when he sees him get stung? And of course when he cries just the once (as far as I recall) in the whole series when Leo's seriously hurt. How he makes me cry in SAINW as he crawls to Leo's side, reaches out for him, calls his name with his dying breath, his last word is his brother's name as he falls beside him, hand against his??? And that was after being estranged in that what-if future! LIKE BRO THAT SCENE MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM

Even just the two or three lines where Leo's waxing poetic about their family, being completely sincere, and Mikey bursts out laughing and teases him for being a sap. Raph immediately tells Mikey to lay off and that Leo's got a point.

They're just so good. They have a few arguments like all siblings do but there is zero doubt that they love each other to pieces and they don't hesitate at all to show it on the regular. And outside of that estrangement timeframe where they were traumatized and grieving and in a literal apocalypse where they lost all hope, they didn't let their relationship fall apart the way some other iterations did. (Like I love 2007 but that fight on the rooftop? Where Raph could have killed him? I watch it and I can't help but think to myself, "2003 Leo and Raph would never." We saw them have a tussle on a rooftop and the moment there was a possibility he put Raph in real danger, Leo came to his senses and dropped everything to make sure he was okay. I dunno)

Asfjskjfks this is all just biased four AM rambling. The point is I love them, your honor, best/closest/healthiest R&B dynamic duo forever in my heart <3 (Natural disclaimer: I don't say any of this to crap on any of the other iterations. I like them all! I just like 2003's portrayal the most)

[nilfgaardianleviosa]

I wrote a short one-shot to commemorate Catviman, because he's amazing and I love him. Thank you, @rivaerys, for letting me do something for your art! Just in time for Levi's b-day, too.

More than Just a Hobby 1.3k words, 5 min read, mostly fluff Tw: Cat-calling, short instance of being followed

“Come on, pretty lady. Where you going?”

You hugged your purse tighter across your body, walking briskly down the dark street. This creep had been following you for the past five blocks now. There was no one else around. You had deliberately avoided going straight to your house, trying to think of a way to shake the guy or at least call the cops before he caught up to you. 

Damnit, where the hell was your phone?

His voice came closer than before. “I promise to show you a good time.”

You ignored him, digging through your purse. When your fingers finally brushed the glass screen, you internally rejoiced. But then, not a second later, the creep was practically on top of you. He caught your wrist and sneered in your face, smelling strongly of alcohol and cigarettes. “Whatcha got in there, huh?”

“L-Let go!”

He tightened his grip, and the thought of screaming finally came to mind, but something beat you to the punch. 

Meow!!

There was a flash of black, and your stalker lurched away, screaming as a small cat latched onto his face. It yeowled and hissed, paws flying as it viciously clawed at his eyes. You stumbled back in shock, watching the man grasp and struggle, trying unsuccessfully to rip the feral cat off of him. 

Then, right as you thought you might have understood what was going on, a man clad in black appeared next to you. He stepped forward and delivered a swift roundhouse kick to the stalker’s torso. 

“Gwaahhh!” The stalker fell to the ground in a heap, and the cat jumped away, gracefully landing on the pavement. The man wallowed in pain on the sidewalk, clutching his bleeding face.

The events were jarring enough to make you cry out in confusion. “Oh my goodness!”

“Calm down, please,” said the man in black, adjusting his gloves. Directing your attention to him revealed a sight that you couldn’t quite believe.

There, standing with his arms crossed, was Catviman. 

The mysterious hero of the city. An infamous crime fighter known far and wide. Although he worked outside the law, the police sometimes relied on him to catch the city’s toughest criminals. A few times you had been lucky enough to see the giant cat-shaped spotlight they beamed into the sky during times of need. You had pictures of it on your cell phone to show off to your friends. They would never believe this. 

Catviman was…shorter than you had imagined. He was wearing his signature cat-eared helmet and red goggles over his eyes. The shine of his leather suit bulged with lean muscles, and to top off the classic Catviman look you had seen in the papers, there was a deep scowl set into his face. 

It was really him. 

As you searched for words to say, his cat trotted over. He leaned down to let it jump onto his shoulder, and you noticed for the first time that it was wearing a tiny white cravat. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, standing up straight and reaching up to scratch the cat’s cheek. It purred and happily craned its neck to get more scritches under the chin. 

This was surreal. “Uh—yeah. Thanks, for saving me.”

“Don’t mention it.” He pulled out a phone and dialed a number before putting it to his ear. “Hey, it’s me. Got another one, corner of fiftieth and Rainey.” As he went to hang up, someone shouted at him from the other line. 

“Damnit Catviman! Can we have five minutes to—“ 

Click. 

“Cops’ll be here soon,” he said, pocketing the phone. “You’ll need to give them a witness report. Shouldn’t take long.”

“Oh, okay.” You stood there in silence for a moment, still in a bit of shock. The stalker groaned, writhing in pain on the ground. Then you remembered your manners. “Is there anything I can do to thank you? I do have some cash…” You began to dig for your wallet, but he held a hand out to stop you. 

“Please don’t worry about it. I’m not here for your money.”

You looked at him, a bit wide-eyed. “Then what should I give you?”

He shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded once, completely straight faced. “Positive.”

Wow, Catviman wasn’t just a crime fighter, he had a heart of gold. But even if this was just a hobby for him, you didn’t want to walk away without showing some appreciation. “Well, at least let me thank your cat for saving me.”

Catviman raised his shoulder, bouncing his sidekick slightly as he gave it a dirty look. “Psh, this guy? He gets spoiled enough with treats.”

You walked closer anyway, reaching your hand out and giving him a questioning look. “Maybe just some pets then?”

“Uh, sure.”

You let the cat sniff your fingers before going up to scratch his head. He happily closed his eyes in response, purring loudly and tilting his head when you rubbed his ears. “Aw, you’re so sweet. Thank you for saving me, Mister.”

“His name is Nightwing.”

“How cute!” You leaned in to let the cat touch his nose to yours, leaving you smiling when you turned to meet Catviman’s eyes. His gaze was intense from underneath the red goggles. You took in a breath, realizing how close you had gotten just by petting his sidekick. Catviman was really quite handsome. “Um, he’s really sweet.”

“Yeah.” His voice was deep and smooth. It gave you a sense of comfort and familiarity. 

You blushed. “Can I, uh, can I give you something, too?”

“Like what?”

“A small token of my appreciation?”

Catviman stared at you for another moment, unsure of what to say. You touched his arm and leaned forward, and he tensed. “What are you—“

Before he could react, you planted a soft kiss on his cheek. One fit for a hero. 

Catviman huffed as you pulled away, rubbing his cheek as the other one turned a shocking shade of pink. “That’s…you didn’t have to do that.”

“But I wanted to. It’s the least I could do.”

“Tch, alright.”

He regained his poise and met your gaze, and you felt a tug at your heart. Something about this mysterious masked man enticed you beyond words. Maybe you could ask for his number, just in case you needed to call him, with an emergency of course. 

A police siren chirped, and red and blue lights flashed brightly throughout the street. You turned to watch a cop car pull up next to the curb. Two disgruntled officers climbed out and began to walk over.

“You alright, ma’am?” one asked. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” You turned to give Catviman the credit for your well-being, but the street was empty save for your stalker. 

Catviman was gone. 

—

That night, you dreamed of a cat-eared helmet and a tiny cravat, and of getting to thank Catviman with a proper kiss. His strong arms would have wrapped around you, holding you in a safe embrace as his lips met yours over and over again. Just like the romantic scenes in the superhero movies. 

But maybe he was destined to be the one that got away.

Nonetheless, in the morning you felt incredibly happy. Thankful to just be safe, and to know that someone amazing had saved you, even if he didn’t share the same interest you had for him. 

When you walked into the break room at work, itching to tell someone your story, you were ecstatic to see your favorite cat-loving coworker making his morning tea. 

“Levi! You’ll never guess what happened to me last night.”

He turned, leaning on the counter with a mug in his hands, and he gave you that signature bored look. “Please make it interesting this time.”

…catviman

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 7

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Don’t forget to like and rb! The next couple chapters are going to be kinda angsty! TW: alcohol use. happy holidays💕🎄

Billie’s POV

The adrenaline rush dissipates as I walk off the stage and the crew rushes me to remove the clip mic. The Stephen Colbert episode was finally over with.

Remy stood on the side, clapping for me. She approached as they finished up. “How do you feeeel?”

“So much better now that it’s over.” I laughed, fixing the hair underneath my hat.

“Am I still invited to the after party?”

“You sure you still wanna go to that? We can just go chill at my place if you’re not up for it.”

“Noo! I’m not gonna let work ruin tonight for you! We’re celebrating tonight. Your last night before going on tour!” She grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth.

It was bittersweet hearing that. I love touring, but I wanted her to be there. Remy, my parents, and Finneas. But, mostly Remy.

I smiled at her. “Okay, goofy, let’s go.”

In Finneas’ car, on route to the after party, Remy stared out the window.

“You positive you’re in the mood?” I nudged her.

“Yeah, Billie. Really, I just want to have fun tonight. I don’t want to think. I want to forget about everything.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good-“

“I’m okay, I swear.” She put her hand on top of mine, her thumb grazing my thigh.

“Okay.” I let out a small laugh.

“You’re drinking with me tonight.”

“Oh, I am?” I raised my brow, watching a smirk form on her lips.

“Finneas is driving anyways!” She smirked.

Finneas looked at us through the mirror. “Oh, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m getting FUCKED up.” He joked, Claudia smacking his arm and laughing.

“Billie don’t be like that!” She squeezed my hand in hers, pulling it onto her lap. “Pleaseeee! Real friends don’t let their friends drink alone.”

Finneas laughed.

“Alright, alright.” I rolled my eyes at her, her laugh becoming contagious.

She cheered as Finneas turned up our music.

⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪˖⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪

Upon arriving at the after party, she immediately headed towards the open bar, ordering something fruity.

“Make that two.” She winked at me. I took the drink from the bartender and sipped it.

We danced to whatever the DJ played. Everyone at the party swayed to the music, occasionally congratulating me. Remy was on her 3rd drink at this point, more outgoing than usual. She dragged me to the bar and ordered me another.

“Catch up, Billie!” She bumped me with her hip, grabbing a 4th.

I laughed, taking the glass in my hand. “Slow down, bro, you’re gonna crash out.”

Shrugging, she pulled me back out to the dance floor with a devious smile on her face. She turned around and held onto my hand, holding it up in the air. Her body rocked against mine to the beat. I drank my cocktail while swaying with her, hoping it would maybe loosen me up.

Her favorite song came on, her hips getting wilder by the second. I stepped out from behind her and jumped up and down. I loved how excited she was. I was going to miss her more than anything. I can’t believe this is the last night before I leave on tour. She watches me take another sip of my drink and tilts the bottom of the glass up, so I finish faster.

“Chill!” I laughed, feeling the bass booming through the club. I was feeling something else too. As I put the empty glass down on a table near us, a beautiful, tall girl passed by with a tray of shots. Remy grabbed two, handing me one.

“To Hit Me Hard and Soft!” She shouted, causing some people around us to cheer with her.

“Shiiit… to me!” I down the shot, feeling a warm spot in my stomach. My face twisted at the bitter taste.

“I gotta go to the restroom!” Remy shouted over the music to me.

“I’ll come with!” I shouted back, signaling her toward the hall.

We entered the ladies room where Remy went in the first stall and struggled to lock it, making me giggle. I noticed the lighting was dimmer than I thought it’d be as I stood in front of the mirror. As I stared at myself, it was in this moment that I realized how much the alcohol was hitting me. I stood still, trying to see if the room would stop moving, but that ship had sailed.

The toilet flushed and Remy came out of the stall, stumbling a little. Maybe it was just me though. “You okay?” She asked, washing her hands.

“Yeah, just wobbly.” I said, immediately followed by a crazy laugh.

Remy laughed with me and reached for a paper towel. “Try to drink some water, it’ll fix that.”

It probably didn’t help that I hadn’t eaten much today. We were so busy preparing for the Late Show, only for it to be over in an hour.

We walked out of the bathroom, towards the bar. The colorful lights switching and moving above masked the fact that the floor underneath my feet played tricks on me.

I could smell the alcohol in Remy’s breath when she talked to me, trying to get me to hear her over the loud music. I read her lips as she asked the bartender for two waters with ice. My eyes stuck like glue to her lips as she put them together around the straw and swallowed. I mimicked her, biting it a little. The icy water felt so good going down. The room was so hot and full of sweaty bodies dancing together.

Suddenly, a tall guy with dirty blonde hair and light eyes stood between us. He held up a hand, ordering a pineapple old fashioned. I barely ever drink, and don’t know what that even is, but it sounds cool. He looked to his right at Remy, admiring her feminine figure. Her black leather skirt reflected the blue colored club lights, and her lacy, strapless corset had ribbon laces swaying with each movement she made.

“Can I try that?” Remy pointed at his drink as soon as he took his first sip.

“Go ahead.” He slid it towards her.

She smiled with her eyes and tested it. He watched her.

“I’ll have one of those too.” I told the bartender, without taking my eyes off them.

Remy licked the liquor off her bottom lip and handed the glass back to him. “It’s pretty good.” She smiled.

“Let me buy you one.” He got closer to her, putting an arm around her lower back.

Remy smiled at him one more time before looking at me. “It’s open bar for us, we don’t need to buy any drinks.”

I smirked, watching her teeth bite down on her bottom lip. I took her hand and pulled her back out to dance.

“Who was that?” She said into my ear without failing to shake her hips to the music.

“I don’t really know.” I drank the old fashioned. It wasn’t that good, and I knew I’d heard from someone not to mix light and dark liquors, but at this point it was too late. “You actually liked his drink though?” I shouted close to her ear.

“No, I kinda wanted him to get the hint and kiss me.” She laughed, looking over at him and dancing.

“Whaaat?” I laughed. I wasn’t sure if she was serious or not. Hearing her say that made me feel a bit weird. Uncomfortable, maybe.

“He was kinda cute right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I drank about half of my old fashioned, faster than I probably should. “He looks like he’d slip something in your drink.” I laughed.

Remy laughed, “Nooo!” She tossed back her hair, showcasing her glittery collarbones.

I look over Remy’s shoulder seeing the guy leaned against the bar, watching us.

“He’s creepy, look at him. Lowkey though. Don’t make it obvious.”

She grabbed my hand and turned to face him, her body rocking against mine. I drank the last of what was in my cup, allowing an ice cube to fall into my mouth. I munched on it, staring straight into the guy’s eyes as I handed the empty glass to another waitress passing by. He switched his eyes over to Remy, who was putting on quite the performance.

“You’re so right. Do you think he’s gonna come over here?” She let go and whined her hips into me, being as discreet as she could so he wouldn’t notice we were suspicious. I, on the other hand, couldn’t care less if he knew I was glaring.

I grabbed onto her, swaying along with the movements of her waist. “Do you want him to?” I asked.

“Nah, I’ll have my chance when you’re gone.” She laughed, turning back towards me.

I furrowed my brows, unable to hide my expressions. Mostly because my face was numb at this point.

As the tall brunette came back around with her tray of shots, I grabbed a couple, swinging one back.

“You rather go dance with him?” I leaned into her so she could hear.

“No, I’m all yours tonight!” She shook her head as I brought the other shot glass to my mouth. “Woah, slow down there! You’re already pretty-“

I swallowed. They didn’t taste like much anymore. That could’ve been mop water and I wouldn’t have noticed.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Billie.” She gasped, laughing in shock. “You’re gonna regret that tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s problem!” I shrugged, dancing around, forgetting for a second what she had just said to me. I guess that was my goal.

I pulled her close, sensing she was starting to worry away her buzz. “Tomorrow I’m leaving, and you get to move on!” I shouted, slurring my words.

“Move on to what?” She shouted back. I could barely make out the words, thanks to the loud people near us.

“Your life! You- You’re gonna replace Rachel. You’re gonna show fucking John how fucking DUMB he is.”

“Joe?” She laughed. Her cheekbones casted a shadow and the glitter on her chest twinkled as the red club lights flashed over us.

“Yeah that mother fucker. You’d sleep with that piece of shit to get that job.” I blurted out. I didn’t even know why I said that. Nothing made an ounce of sense.

She slowly stopped dancing but I kept going. I knew if I didn’t, the room would start doing that weird wobbly thing again.

“Why the fuck would you say that?” She looked at me, clearly hurt.

“No, I meant-“ I slurred, trying to form sentences, “You’ll do anything!” I held up a finger, “Except fucking quit and be happy.”

“You need to get some more water or something because you’re not making any fucking sense.” She pulled me towards the bar.

“No! Why? So that guy can ask to have a fucking threesome with us after the sh-shit you just pulled?” I shouted, pulling my arm back.

“Billie! What the fuck?” She looked at me and I stood still now. The rest of the people moved their bodies to the beat, making me dizzy.

[thethronezone]

High Consort to the Emperor

There's not enough Emperor x Reader content *rolls up my sleeves* Guess I have to do it myself.

First of all, I think the only way he would get into an actual, long term relationship would be if the other person were a perpetual. Like, he don't wanna invest time and effort and emotions into a person that is going to die of old age after, what, 200, 300 years? He did that shit when he was younger and that always hurt. He ain't doing that again.

Even if you are a perpetual though that's lived for thousands of years he's always going to act slightly patronizing towards you. He always thinks that he knows best and any arguments you have is simply seen as a tantrum on your end. He'll just wait until you've calmed down and come to your senses.

Partner is given the title of High Consort. Very neat title, all the benefits and you probably don't have to do any actual work. Maybe act nice and polite in front of high ranking officials but that's it. Of course, if you want to work then Big E ain't gonna stop you. In fact, he'll be happy that you're so invested in the Imperium! Here's some paperwork and administrative duties to keep you busy. Yeah, he mostly sees this as a way to keep you entertained and feeling useful.

You'll have anything you could ever think of. Any food, any clothing, any luxury. The Emperor says he doesn't like to spoil you but after returning from a long mission or whatever, he will always bring you something. Mostly just so he can show off and impress you. The man has a massive ego, what did you expect? For a guy that refuses to be called a god, he sure loves it when you worship him.

Rarely calls you your actual name, at least in public. Calls you a mixture of "Consort", "my Consort", and if he's feeling playful/flirty, "my star". Only really calls you your name behind closed doors, when it's just the two of you (plus any Custodian that might be there, he don't give a fuck).

Matching outfits! At least, you're matching him. Always some kind of gold in your outfits, be it golden threads or gold jewelry. Of course you also wear a laurel.

Likes having you by his side but can go for longer periods without your company, simply because he knows he will eventually see you and catch up. And by 'longer periods' I mean months, years, DECADES. He's a busy man, alright? Always acts like it's been no time at all since he last saw you when you finally reunite. After all, what is time for a man that is immortal and has lived for tens of thousands of years?

You have your own Custodi bodyguard that follows you everywhere. They were not chosen just for their skill but also because the actually know how to hold a conversation like a normal person. Are they still a brainwashed superhuman with unquestionable loyalty to the Emperor? Sure, but when you ask them how they are feeling they don't automatically go "Feelings are irrelevant, only service to the Emperor of Mankind matters" like majority of the Custodes do.

The Emperor prefers it when you stay in the Imperial Palace. Does he stop or forbid you from leaving? No, you're a grown person, you can make your own decisions. WILL have you followed however. Not because he doesn't trust you but he's got so many enemies that it would be stupid to assume no one would target you in order to get to him.

Malcador the Bestie! Will listen to you vent about your love life and then give you some solid advice. Is the advice slightly biased because he wants you to get along with the Emperor (which has proven to increase the man's effectiveness and willingness to collaborate by a staggering 1.4%)? Maybe, but it's still solid advice! Also brings you the best gossip.

[dsireland86]

The 6th Day Of Christmas:

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Tag list:

@philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lacy1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds-deactiv @missduffsblog @bngurngheart  @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @fadingangelwisp @dizzylmwahh @Youlookforultraviolet

The party was winding down, and most had already gone home. A handful of people remained at Matt's house, mostly close friends, and you. You were one of the few to stay simply because it was the night before Christmas Eve, and you didn't want to go home to be alone. Matt was your friend, so staying here felt natural.

"You alright? Want anything?"

Matt leans over your shoulder while you sit on the couch, watching Noah and Nick play a round of Super Smash Bros.

"Nope, I'm good," you smile up at him, looking away from your phone. It was almost midnight. Maybe it was time to go home.

You stand up and stretch, turning around to face Matt. He's looking at you in a way you'd never seen before.

"Are you okay, Matt?" you ask, walking around to the other side of the couch. 

You stand a mere inch or two from him, close enough to smell his cologne, and it makes you weak in the senses, more than it probably should.

"I'm," he hesitates, dragging his eyes down and then back up your body, "I'm good. I'm just," he pauses, licking his lips. Huffing a light laugh, Matt takes off his hat to scratch his head, putting it back on quickly.

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Matt glares down at Noah, who looks from him over to you, then back to Noah, shaking his head.

You simply have no idea what's going on at the moment, so you give a nervous chuckle before speaking.

"I, uh, I think I'm going to head home. I told my neighbor across the hall that I'd be home an hour ago." "Why?"

Matt's "why" comes out a little harsher than he means for it, earning him a smack in the leg by Noah along with a glare.

"Because," you drag out, trying to hide your laugh, "he checks on my dog for me while I'm out."

Matt's head snaps up quickly.

"He?" "Yeah, why?"

You can sense the jealous tone in his voice.. He shrugs, trying to play it cool.

"No reason, I was just asking."

But his brown eyes say something completely different.

"Relax, Matt. The guy lives with his seventy year old wife," you smile, resting a hand on his arm.

Matt won't look at you now, and you find his embarrassment adorable. But you really should be leaving now; it's past midnight now.

"I'm going," you say, telling the others goodnight and wishing them a Merry Christmas.

"Wait, I'll walk you out."

Matt follows behind you, gripping the door handle before opening it.

"Are you sure you have to go right now? I mean, it's really cold out. Might even be some snow out there."

You do your best at hiding your sudden excitement at the idea that Matt likes you. He's trying to play it coy, but failing miserably, and that's okay.

"Matt, California doesn't get snow. And, yes, it is cold, but I'm going to have to go home at some point, so now is just as good a time as any, right?"

Matt thinks while skimming your body with his eyes again.

"How about something warm to drink? Maybe we can talk for a bit. We didn't really get to do that much tonight."

You narrow your eyes at Matt, completely aware of what he's doing, but give in anyway.

"Okay, sure," you agree with a quick nod and a grin, making Matt's face light up. 

"So, how long have you been at your apartment?"

Matt sets a hot steaming mug of tea down on the table in front of you. The smell of peppermint invades your nostrils, making you think of candy canes.

"Two years. I moved out of my parents' house just before my birthday."

"You like living alone?"

You look at Matt, puzzled.

"I mean, without a roommate."

You can't help but laugh, and Matt follows, covering up his face. For the next hour the two of you get to know each other a lot more than before, and for some reason, breaking the spell you're under, caused by his charming and sarcastically sweet personality, is a very hard thing to do. You discover all the reasons why you really like Matt, and they make your heart race and the butterflies come alive.

It's past one in the morning, when you look at your phone. The living room is quiet indicating the others either left or fell asleep, so it's just you and Matt, alone in his kitchen. He reaches over and takes your hand, startled by the coldness of it.

"God, your hand is freezing! Just like ice," he chuckles, rubbing it between his to warm it up. 

The simple gesture makes you giggle. Matt can't take his eyes off you. In fact, you think he wouldn't even if he could. And to be honest neither can you. The fact that the guy you've been crushing on for the last year is right before you, holding your hand between his is mind blowing you. It's a dream that you don't want to wake from. But reality calls, and you really must go. 

"I really should go now, Matt, it's late."

Matt moves in a little close when you stand up, and having him this close to you has you weak in the knees.

"Alright. I'll actually walk you out this time," he chuckles. 

The air is frigid when Matt opens the door, and the thought of going out in the cold makes you shiver. You'd rather just stay here where it's already nice and warm, but you know that's not an option. Together, you and Matt trek down to your car where you start it then stand outside and wait for it to warm up.

"I had a great time tonight, Matt. Thanks for inviting me." "You're welcome. Thanks for coming. I hope I didn't bore you too much with all my tech talk." "No, you didn't. Not at all. I loved listening to you talk about it." "Really?" "Really."

You smile at Matt, reaching over and rubbing his shoulder. He looks at you as if your touch has some kind of magic in it, but you pull back quickly realizing what you did and feel a little awkward now.

"I, um, I guess I should go."

Matt's expression falls, and it hurts your heart a little.

"Okay, well, um, Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas, Matt," you smile, wishing he'd beg you to stay some more. "Here," taking his hand after grabbing a pen from your car. You take his hand and write something in it, smiling as you do so.

"What is this?" "My address, just in case you need to escape," you say with a wink.

Matt looks up at you with a sparkle in his eyes that was never there before.

"Okay, just in case."

His smile is genuine, making your heart skip a beat. Taking a chance, you lean over and kiss his cheek, feeling the coldness of his skin against your warm lips, and you hear the slight hitch in Matt's breath. He surprises you by turning his head just enough until your lips almost touch.

"Merry Christmas, Matty," you whisper in his ear. "Merry Christmas, Y/N.

It's past two in the morning when you finally get home. A note under your door said your furbaby had been walked and fed and was signed with a "Merry Christmas" by your neighbor across the hall. You take a quick shower and slip into some warm, cozy jammies, flipping on your TV to finish the Christmas movie you didn't get to finish earlier, but a quiet knock on your door keeps you from doing so.

You freeze, wondering who in hell could be at your door at this hour, and then it hits you. Your heart starts to race just like before as your body fills with the same excitement you felt earlier in the night. The knock comes once more, and this time, you don't hesitate to answer it.

Matt is standing at your door, looking absolutely frozen. The smile he's wearing makes you absolutely weak in the knees, giving you the most unholy thoughts.

"It was a "just in case" emergency. After you left, I stood outside, contemplating on what to do next, but nothing felt right. You were the only thing that felt right. So, here I am."

Matt's honesty hits you right in the chest, making your insides melt for him. You want him, all of him, and obviously, he wants you, too. 

"Well, then, I guess you'd better come inside, Baby. It's cold outside."

Reaching out with the biggest smile you can muster, you grab Matt by the jacket and pull him inside your apartment, closing the door behind you. 

[blocksruinedme]

My hallmark Christmas Smalletho + smallidarity au. it was supposed to be a quick summary of an idea, surely less than 1k.

It's not done and it's over 5k. It's almost Christmas so I'm posting what I have, there will be more. If you want to watch it happen in real time, dm me here or on discord to join my server. You must be 1) 18+ 2) not morality cop. (kill the cop inside yourself who says to police other people. acab.)

Alright so. Joel is a big city boy who is burning out hard cause he's such a toxic sweat. he's in a long term healthy and happy relationship with jimmy. Joel spends december in to rural canada (not as rural as Joel claims) to take care of his great aunt trudy, who is packing up her house to move to assisted living near her daughter. He plans to spend christmas there because jimmy’s going to visit family, and he’s never been very into christmas.

Joel can work remotely and that's why he's the family member who got sent up to canada. He always liked her when he was a kid, but he was a kid and hasn’t seen her in ages. He went in expecting to find a frail old woman who needed to be rescued, out in the misery of rural...ality? but instead he finds someone feisty, who knows far more than he does about life, and is ready to knock him on his ass if needed. She's not being forced into anything. She used to be very physically active, mountain climbing and shit, but now she wants to live somewhere warmer and be able to call an uber. It's not assisted living, it's like the place my grandma lives, it's just age restricted and has like community center stuff. It’s even queer. Joel realizes in retrospect she was very lesbian coded but he was a kid, and then a sullen early 20 something. 

Every day Jimmy texts Joel to tell him to "touch grass" and Joel grumbles and finds different grass to send him a picture of. One day, bored, he wanders far afield while searching for slightly different grass.... 

Etho finds Joel down on his knees staring at grass. Etho looms over Joel and startles him. Joel yelps and stumbles, and Etho laughs at him and Joel growls like an angry tiny dog. Etho tries to soothe him but Joel rants at him and insults him while Etho tries to hide his amusement. Eventually Joel shouts and storms off and it's the most interesting thing to happen in Etho in years. Who is this guy?

(Note: Getting a bit of a pride and prejudice vibe, but with Etho being less of a bitch than Darcy. Go watch “Fire Island” for gay asian-american pride and prejudice it’s so good. Bowen Yang is Jane. Here, Joel (Elizabeth Bennet)  is convinced Etho (Darcy) is this big imperious asshole who thinks he's better than everyone, but Gem and his great aunt know he's a goober.) 

This is a really small town and Etho... ETHO IS FIXING TO GREAT AUNT TRUDY 'S HOUSE. Which Joel didn't know for a few days cause Trudy didn’t want to have work going the first few days Joel was there. Monday, Joel comes downstairs in his pjs and Etho and Trudy are having coffee together. Joel is in cutesy snail pjs got him for Christmas.

Joel is so angry, enraged, how dare big stupid Etho be helping someone he cares about. Joel storms upstairs (he knows he’s not subtle but it is HARD) and calls Jimmy to rant. After a few minutes, Trudy texts him and says Etho is outside. 

Joel comes back down, fully dressed, and Trudy lets him complain. Yes, she remembers him complaining about the nameless asshole the other day, and now it's the fucking guy fixing up the house so they can sell??? And he lives so close??? How dare he! 

Joel he can’t focus on work, no big deadlines because it’s the end of the year, and he doesn’t even have any meetings. They have a generous vacation policy and things mostly shut down in December. Joel sighs dramatically and shuts his laptop and sulks and paces and Trudy laughs. After an hour of Joel being absurdly grumpy, Etho comes in and says “hey sorry there's a thing I need to do but it's physically impossible without someone else, even for a big strong guy like me”.

Trudy and Etho laugh like there's an inside joke Joel's not part of and he seethes. He hates being excluded, especially if it’s because of *Etho.  And Etho says he'll look for other things he can do while he waits to get someone to help tomorrow. But Joel can't get home until the house is done, and that’s his excuse when he announces he's doing it. And Joel feels like Etho is being patronizing but he isn't. They do the task well, work together easily, and Joel also hates that. He hates everything about Etho, especially the way he stays out and helps Etho with other things even after that one is done. Clearly Etho needs… supervision. Can’t trust that big asshole.

Etho's over every single day for a week. Trudy is constantly finding excuses to send Joel out to offer Etho snacks, or to offer help carrying things. Joel fumes but never actually tries to not go. Trudy feigns "oh I'm too old to go offer him coffee" and it's bullshit and they both know, Trudy doesn’t even keep a straight face.  Etho is terribly amused to see he's being "set up with" Trudy's cranky great nephew from the city. Which is clearly a funny joke, Etho knows that he's a non-serious flirt, and that Trudy knows that, and Joel’s only here a couple weeks. Nothing could possibly happen. So Etho thinks clearly Trudy thinks Joel would enjoy flirting... and Etho quickly finds it really enjoyable to flirt with Joel.  Etho isn't analyzing that right now! Flirting is fun and this is a normal amount of flirting! Flirting is just fun! A game, a game where half the time he just lets himself be super awkward and jokey!  

Now it's Saturday afternoon and Joel hasn't seen Etho since Friday afternoon, and that's FINE that's GREAT actually! Because Etho is so annoying, and he stomps, and the construction work is loud sometimes and wakes Joel up - though of course by the end of the week Joel's out there most of the afternoon, and there hasn't been loud work in the morning. (Joel is too stupid to realize Etho did that on purpose, stopping the loudness in the morning. Such a silly boy.) 

So Joel is restless with no Etho to argue with and be annoyed by. (Note: Etho doesn't think they are arguing and Joel doesn't seem to be really annoyed, now does he?)

Joel goes out shopping and, like Joel was warned, the gps is really spotty out here. So he's pulled over the street and angrily trying to figure out how to get to the store before it closes. He's not going to go back to ask for help and it's just that there's no street signs most of the time, he's going through offline maps, he's absolutely so close to figuring it out when there's a knocking on his car and he SCREAMS. So loud Etho hears him outside Trudy's pickup truck. Joel turns and looks at him with a mix of confusion and rage and Etho steps back, waving. Joel rolls down the window and Etho explains he was waving but Joel wasn't looking up, and Etho instantly realizes Joel's lost and Joel is SO MAD. 

Etho says don’t worry, oh follow me to the store, I need to go to the store anyway. (note: Etho does not need to, he gets some stuff but he wasn't out of anything.) Joel is enraged when they get there because it's like two turns away! Etho could have told him! What, did he think Joel would get lost??? Etho doesn't engage with it, just chuckles and acts like Joel isn't Being Like That. He realized on Wednesday he could just ignore it and it would be fine. 

They finish shopping and Etho really doesn't want to say goodbye, though he tells himself he's just being nice to the traveler. He invites Joel out to go bowling, Etho genuinely is meeting people there. Why would Joel do that! When Etho is so annoying, he could go home and call Jimmy and maybe jerk off together, maybe just complain about Etho, but somehow it seems he said yes, why did he say yes, what the bloody hell now he's renting *bowling shoes*. 

Joel realizes Etho's asking him what he wants on his pizza (they sell it there) and etho knows Joel is vegetarian and isn't being weird about it, which Joel assumed everyone out here would be so he tries to hide it. He said he just wants cheese, then asks for pineapple to see if Etho is mean about it. Etho is not mean about it. By the time Joel has his shoes on, Etho is back and quickly describing people they are meeting and Joel is shocked Etho has friends. He knows that's rude and stupid but he just imagined Etho as a friendless introvert. But he's happy and comfortable with his friends - though it's true he only has a couple friends. 

And GOD DAMN IT but Etho is GOOD at BOWLING. Joel goes to the bathroom and frantically reads about how to get good at bowling real fast. Etho does not comment how it's obvious Joel is suddenly Trying Techniques. They eat pizza, they drink beer (joel doesn't really like beer, he's all into mixology but he drinks anyway after some complaints). Everyone can see they are flirting and generally think it's adorable. 

Joel finds himself genuinely comfortable - he blames the beer for dulling his senses. In truth, the beer is helping him calm down and drop some of his overactive brain that tries to protect him from pain by protecting him from everything. 

They finish a set, or a whatever a round of bowling is. People are taking a break, they go off for more pizza and giant pretzels and deep fried mac and cheese balls and the bathroom and stuff. Etho comes back with beers for himself and Joel. They wind up alone for a few minutes, as Etho teases Joel about his fancy cocktails, asks about them and mentally takes note of his favorites so he can go get the ingredients and... he's not sure what. The alone time stretches on a bit cause Etho’s friends are deliberately staying back and watching. 

Then Gem walks in.

Gem walks in the front door and finds the group trying to look innocent. They all walk back with her cause it would be insanely awkward to have Gem go over alone to Etho who is flirting with Trudy’s nephew who she’s never met. 

Etho isn’t sitting next to Joel, that would be too much to deny, which means once everyone is back they aren't sitting next to each other. Gem sits next to Joel and cheerily says she heard about the new guy, and Joel splutters and says he's temporary, and she's friendly and chatty but god Joel wishes he was still talking to *Etho*. He's so upset that it's true. 

Joel starts texting Jimmy just to have something to focus on, and goes to take his first turn, and comes back to his seat and... Etho and Gem are flirting, They are clearly flirting, and seeing it he realizes several things at once

A) Joel and Etho have absolutely been flirting

B) Etho is flirting with Gem like Joel isn't even there

C) It feels bad D) Joel hates that it feels bad

However bad it feels (a lot), Joel tells himself he can't leave because it would be obvious why, everyone would know he minded Gem and Etho flirting. Then maybe Etho would *say something* or even worse *apologize* and he'd die on the spot. Or maybe Etho wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t care, wouldn’t offer to walk him to his car, and that’s terrible too. (And more terrible that he wants that)

Joel tries four times to explain the situation to Jimmy, and then just asks if he can do a call later, asking when is Jimmy going to bed.

[cut to: Jimmy looking at his phone with his brow furrowing, ready to stay up as late as Joel needs.]

Two people leave after that set/round, and Gem says Joel has drunk too much to leave, she can drive him home later cause she's not drinking tonight. Joel feels like he’d be sober fairly soon, but Gem’s not *asking*, she's informing Joel that therefore he should drink the beer she's handing him right now, and she's so nice and honestly so pretty and Joel's drinking the beer, and whoever he was splitting the pitcher with says they are done and Joel should finish it.

Why? Because tonight is unique and strange, and Gem has seen *something* and she's not going to let Joel go off and... sulk? She feels like this is a one time opportunity, if she lets Joel get away that'll be it, something will be gone, and for the worse. She can't put words to whatever is going on but she's going to be in control of tonight. 

Meanwhile Joel doesn't even think about the fact that he has a car here that will need to get back, he's so used to just taking cabs/lyfts around it just feels like an alternative to that. 

Etho does not comment, sipping his own beer... and getting another, because he also wants an excuse to not drive. Part of his mind is making a *fuss* about this behavior, making a fuss about the way he keeps looking at Joel, but he's ignoring it.

Eventually bowling is boring. Joel isn't as good as Etho, but he isn't always last, even while drinking. (Maybe everyone except Gem is drunk, but he’s not paying attention to anyone besides Gem and Etho). Joel is texting grumpily and Etho teases him about being grumpy, he says he's explaining to Jimmy that he's drunk on *beer* and it's appalling how far his standards have fallen, he gets over dramatic and silly

Due to miscommunication between multiple people, Etho has wildly misunderstood things and thinks Jimmy is Joel's long time housemate. He knows people in the city do that because everything is so expensive. They’ve lived together across multiple apartments, which sounds nice, to have a friend like that, a partnership of some kind.  Etho thinks they are both queer, which seems normal and also nice.

Gem laughs and asks what Joel normally likes to drink, and Etho starts teasing about Joel's fancy drinks, and Gem moves so she's as far away as she can be (it's a small space). 

[Gem is the woman doing math meme]

Joel winds up at Gem's place, which is walking distance away. He thinks it's because that's how he gets back home - to Trudy's, that is. He’s feeling so complicated and he hates it and there’s no way he can process it tonight. Therefore, Joel is giving himself permission to do whatever because he's very loud about how he's drunk on beer and it's too much liquid to put in one person and he's back to cocktails and shots after this. 

Etho teases him about being small and touches him and it's the first time they've touched. Joel is so ANGRY because he wants Etho to touch him more, touch him in other ways, and either Etho just flirts with people or maybe Gem's his *girlfriend* and Etho's probably *straight* this isn't the city why would he be....

They’re almost to Gem’s and  Etho bumps Joel's side with his own, teases him about thinking too much. Joel gets grumpy back and suddenly they're at Gem's, and it's five people and maybe Etho’s going to leave and it feels like if he does it’s forever, he’ll never see him again, but the other two disappear so fast and it's the three of them. Etho says he can't drive yet but he doesn't *seem* drunk - but then Gem is offering them cocktails, and Joel had sworn off more drinking but it's *civilized* here and Etho laughs so loudly and Joel should really just leave.

He doesn't.

In honor of the season, a prompt:

You have been tapped to write/direct the next Hallmark Christmas special. Which blorbos do you cast as your romantic leads and what's the summary of your feel-good holiday tale?

[mothoscope]

Cringetober Prompt 7: Cross-over I didn't know what to do. Good friend @angusmaclise said I should draw Beavis and Butt-Head meeting Bobby Hill.

[catominor]

did someone say sulla and his harem of guys.

(from left to right: pompey, metellus pius, crassus, sulla, lucullus)

[vaguely-concerned]

It's really interesting that Wynne actually has quite a measured, bordering on downright sympathetic response to hearing what Jowan did in the prologue -- if the mage Warden says "I still can't believe Jowan was that stupid", her answer is something like a thoughtful "Stupid, or desperate, or merely curious?". She seems to think of Jowan as a kid who got in over his head, rather than any less charitable interpretation. I do believe she genuinely is as against blood magic as she publicly expresses and as the Circle party line demands, but as a private person she clearly has a more nuanced and potentially kinder understanding of the reasons why someone might resort to it, at the very least.

(related: when she says that part about Irving telling her what happened, there's no dialogue option in the first stage of the conversation (except choosing the 'leaving the conversation' one) that doesn't net you +2 approval! no matter how the warden feels about it, she is ready to recieve it. I think that says something sweet about how Wynne conceptualizes younger mages and the honest real affection she has for them. if you didn't snitch on jowan and say you stand by that decision, though? +3 approval, apparently! what Wynne says and what Wynne thinks is not always the same thing indeed, her idea of where personal loyalty and integrity stands vis-a-vis a mage's responsibility to the circle may be more flexible than she'd have people believe, you'll be surprised to learn lol)

I have always liked wynne and found her interesting, in all her hypocrisies and her earnest care, but with slightly older eyes she's extra fascinating to me in the same ways that Iron Bull is -- seeing someone whose mind has had hollows carved out in it by the need for double-think and compartmentalization imposed by the oppressive systems and ideologies they live under, and the quiet fight of the self to still preserve vital parts of itself that the system deems unacceptable in the hidden backstage areas of the soul, as it were. (and for both of them part of that self is love and protectiveness of specific other people, beyond what their 'role' dictates is acceptable for them.) I think Wynne has managed to sneak more of her internal self through the meatgrinder relatively intact than Bull overall, but it's the same logic underlying it, for me, and it makes me feel such intense affection and compassion for them both to see how hard they try

[awesomebutunpractical]

Ford's fraught acquaintanceship with his one-time inter-dimensional uber driver has gotten funnier to me.

Also, Mondsly Joe is making me sad now, but Monds has always kind of made me sad so I can live with that.

[michameinmicha]

Im very into lavender these days but not in the woo woo 'this will fix my sleep problems and all other issues' pseudoscience way, it's just that i really love the smell and it's very comforting to me, which i can use a lot of right now so i try to surround myself with it as much as possible 💜

[vanyafresita]

suspension of disbelief can only do so much sometimes lol

[neverendingford]

along the same line as the whole "why do you need to know someone's autistic before you stop bullying them for their autistic traits?" thing I've seen floating around

apologizing for it once you know is meaningless. it doesn't change the fact that you deliberately mocked someone for their behavior.

.

a customer mocked my stutter and I've lost all patience with that so I looked him in the eyes and said "I have a speech disability" and he immediately got all apologetic and was like "I wasn't making fun of you". Bro yes you were. you didn't realize you were making fun of a disability I've spent my entire life struggling with, but you were nonetheless.

just because you don't know you're being an asshole doesn't mean you're not being an asshole. you can apologize but I'm not going to forgive you.

[t4tpumpkinduo]

man.