#I think that's been my shit for a long time but I'm understanding it and myself a bit more every day

[sorensolsikke]

i hate how people don't recognize me as a dragon.

like, they do see me as the dog i am!! at some point, every friend of mine tells me that i am the golden retriever friend!! everyone says my hair looks like cute ears!! they tell me "aww big puppy eyes" and "oooh biig stretch" without a second thought, without knowing my identity, and that's so validating, i love my friends and siblings!!! i am indeed a puppy for them!!

BUT FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY DON'T I LOOK LIKE A DRAGON TOO?

i constantly question my self-knowledge by this; i think i know myself well enough, but nobody – except my girlfriend – seems to notice certain traits of mine that are the core of my identity. like i am sure i am unpredictable and unrestrianed when i am full of rage, or especially when i am protective of someone. i remember scaring the crap out of people who tried to hurt me or my loved ones when i seemed vulnerable at first glance, but oh i know my voice and claws and i don't fear pain. how can people still only see that i am patient and hard to make angry. they never believe me when i say i am scary and unstoppable when i get mad. and then they shit themselves when i finally do.

i demand being respected like a wild animal.

people also laugh at me when i say i am a good leader when i have to take that role. they know me to startle easily, being rather laid-back and quietly understanding than determined and in control of the situation. they don't even notice that these traits are compatible. they don't even seem to understand that i have been the oldest sibling at the hardest times, when our bare survival was at risk. i've always been, and always gonna be, the pack leader in every given critical situation, and will stand back after the problems are solved. (and i am also a verse/switch. if you know what i mean.)

i want to be recognized as strong and forceful, because i am.

people don't even understand that i am vain and full of pride. they genuienly think i am humble, even tho that's very, very far from me. i did learn how to say a genuine sorry and how to lose a competition. but i am almost pityfully proud, will collect compliments, will make sure to look perfect, always. let's just say, i don't despise flattery. and others still seem like they REFUSE to believe i have bad traits?!? other than, you know, autistically clumsy and sensitive??

i am a DRAGON for fucks SAKE, not a cutesy fucking RABBIT.

i am vain, i'm a horder, i am strong, determined, forceful, calculating, cagey, protective, and feral.

and i don't even get started on how i see myself dragon-like in the mirror, not just where my phantom limbs would be, but also. my canine teeth stand out a lot more than others, because they grew incorretly. my tongue is long (humanwise i mean), and i step on the first half of my feet. there is nothing humble in my posture. how can't they see how can't they how

...in fact there is someone who notices. my girlfriend has seen me as i am, from the very first minute. they didn't create an unrealistic idea of my delicacy. i adore them so much, they are the most insightful person i've ever known, and they still chose me. they are somehow the only one who understands my ferality, and somehow they are also the one who would do everything to stay with me. their existence does ease my rage of being misunderstood... but i can't escape the idea that i learnt masking so well that any controversial trait of mine became invisible. i am afraid that i became something like an animal in a zoo; acting domesticated, but in fact a ticking bomb.

i am a dragon. and i WANT people to notice finally.

[joocomics]

ಬ fuck buddies: part three

part one | part two | part three

pairing: fuckbuddy!yangyang x f!reader x loser!winwin

genre: smut wc: 2.2k

contains: sub!reader, hard dom!winwin, love triangle, friends with benefits trope, toxic relationships, jealousy, unprotected sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, (consensual) angry sex, masturbation, face fucking, gagging, hair pulling, face slapping, degradation kink, name calling

“come on, just show me!”

“why?!”

“why?” yangyang's lips pucker up as if he's thinking over your question carefully, but he’s simply just acting like a fool. “because i want to know what you liked so much about it.”

his tongue makes a clicking sound of disappointment when he sees you rolling your eyes at him.

“oh, c'mon, you must have wondered the same about some of the girls i hook up with. you should understand what i'm talking about.”

“yeah, i have, but i don't ask you to fuck them in front of me.”

“i would, if you ask me to,” he replies with no hesitation. “anytime.”

“did you plan this? together?” you turn to winwin who hasn't uttered a single word since he walked into the room.

he stutters once as he assures you he knew nothing about this and looks down at his lap when yangyang opens his mouth again.

“it was all my idea, don't blame the poor guy.”

after that, for a moment the three of you just sit still in a sudden silence with your mind not leaving you rest for a second. you stand up on your feet and start walking around the room trying to figure out if agreeing to this would have the affects you want on yangyang. you want to show him that you can feel pleasure without him; that you can act like an even bigger slut for others and enjoy it.

but this means using winwin as a pawn.

“are you seeing her boobs for the first time? you haven't stopped staring.” yangyang looks at his friend with a smile - not a genuine smile, but a mocking one.

you turn around and answer on his behalf.

“no, i've sent him nudes a couple of times so he's seen them already.”

it's the truth.

you haven't met with winwin after what happened that night, but you kept answering every text of his although you know the right thing to do is to ignore him, because you don't want to have any kind of romantic involvement with him, and based on his messages, that's exactly what he's hoping for. for that, yangyang was right - obviously, winwin gets attached very easily. you should've seen it coming since he hasn't been in a single long term relationship, but you didn't expect him to obsess over a girl who's been ignoring him since day one, and has been talking nothing but shit behind his back.

you knew it was wrong to lead him on and yet you didn't stop flirting back. when he sent you a photo for the first time, where he was gripping his boner through a pair of sweatpants, you asked for more. the exchange of pictures continued until he asked you out and you declined the offer. then he asked you out one more time, but your answer stayed the same and that’s when he stopped reaching out. several days later - you’re here.

the only response yangyang gives is a short, mirthless laugh. except annoyed by this new information which winwin didn’t let him know about, he’s also surprised to hear that you’ve started sexting somebody so early on. it’s not like you.

his gaze moves with each step you take towards the bed. it concentrates more on your body as you straddle winwin’s lap and intensifies the moment you strip him from his shirt.

you adjust winwin’s glasses before forcing him on his back. as you lean down into his face yangyang earns a proper view of your ass once it rises up in the air.

“are you mad at me?” you peer into winwin’s eyes while recollecting your last conversation. he’s staring at you too, and you can see he’s hurting; and looking so charmingly as he does so. “i know you are, i’m sorry.” your whisper caresses his skin as you guide your lips to his neck; pressing open mouthed kisses and sending warm waves into his body through kitten licks. “i want you to let it all out on me now. just like last time. don’t hold it in.”

the kiss feels like another apology, but in a different form. winwin cannot resist the delicate touch of your lips and the way they lead his like they want to make up for the time you spent away from each other suppressing your desires. he forgives you, but he cannot lie, he does want to show you how much exactly you drive him crazy, because you seem to not realise it.

once you’re flipped on your back with no panties to hide your excited clenching, he removes the rest of his clothes, meanwhile yangyang leans back comfortably in his seat, anticipating to see how the scene will unfold. he needs to know what exactly keeps you thinking about his friend who’s always had the loser etiquette attached to his personality.

you’re laying between winwin’s legs as he levels his cock with your mouth which is watering at the appealing sight of his toned figure. you feel yangyang’s focused attention on you, but it cannot shift away yours that’s fixated upon winwin’s flushed tip that will soon separate your lips. once his length fills your mouth inch by inch you look up, but not for long as he begins to push further into your throat… again, then again and again until you squeeze your eyes shut and try to keep breathing.

the lewd gagging noises excite yangyang who quickly realises he’s never fucked your mouth in this position. he observes with interest how winwin keeps his hips moving rapidly as if your mouth is a sex toy he can use for as long as he wants while his one hand pulls at the roots of your hair almost angrily.

“shit,” yangyang exclaimes quietly, “make her choke, man.”

winwin is not fucking your throat, he realises, he’s abusing it. until soon enough your nails sink into his thighs and he pulls out, groaning loudly above you.

“fuck, win—“ you pant heavily after coughing while rolling onto your chest. you feel dizzy and sore, but so aroused.

the hazy feeling in your head increases when you turn around only to earn a slap on the cheek.

your cravings are being met one by one... and the exhilarating feeling this brings into your heart is what makes you worry that it will be hard to distance yourself again after this.

winwin’s demanding fingertips dig into your cheeks, signaling you to refocuse on him. once he catches you making an attempt to speak he tilts your head with another slap so you only end up staring at him, with drooling lips and chest rising excitedly.

there it is, he thinks to himself, that weak submissive gaze of yours that he never thought he would ever be able to see again. he’s ready to do anything to own it.

“you’re not gonna say a word, okay?” he says and the way you nod without thinking twice brings him indescribable satisfaction. “i really don’t want to hear your fuckin’ voice right now.“

his fingers move from your reddish cheek to your heat; your whole expression transforms once they slip inside you, finally turning that lingering desire in your core into blissful reality. an erotic sound escapes you while he forces them deeply inside, allowing yangyang to hear how wet you are for someone that’s not him.

“yeah, you can moan as much as you want, but no talking.” he states, emphasising on the word no with a firmer change of tone and one last warning glance at you.

your teeth grab onto your lip furiously when he enters you with one strong push. he slides all the way in through your arousal, smoothly, but with slight pain that makes you cuss shakily. it already causes you a new slap which lands stronger than the last one.

yangyang’s hand tugs down his underwear to get a hold of his erection, almost unconsciously, because he’s in trance with what’s happening in front of him; in his own bedroom. now he understands why few days ago you asked him to slap your face. he only laughed, because he thought you couldn’t be actually wanting it…

the grip on his leaking cock tightens the same moment winwin’s hand reaches for your throat. his friend’s voice shakes a bit, but it still manages to sound demanding when he speaks up as yangyang starts to ease the pressure by slow steady strokes.

“keep your eyes on me.” winwin notices you can barely keep them open as he pounds into you with force. this brings him pleasure almost as big as the way your mouth hangs open because of the gradual lack of oxygen. “look at me while i fuck you dumb... yeah, there you go.”

the moment the climax washes over you, hitting you in one overwhelming wave of buzzing delight, your scream clashes with yangyang’s frustrated groan as he forces his hand to delay his orgasm - winwin is not yet done with you.

he has your legs shaking while you stand poorly on all fours, spreading wide and whining from the on going sharp thrusts. you put all the effort you can to keep your body steady, but you fail, so winwin tightens his fist around your hair to keep you from falling forward.

“i’ll fuck you till you turn into a brainless whore,” he hisses once you’re pressed against his warm chest. “because that’s how you like it.”

every time he utters something at your ear, the burning rush doubles inside you; each word is another intoxicating sensation that makes you anticipate what you’re going to hear next.

“and you’re still going to run back to me, wanting more of this…” for the first time his hips slow down, letting his cock glide calmly through your squeezing walls - steady mellow rhythm that can’t compare to the thumping of his heartbeat against your back. it's like he wants to make sure you will register properly everything he has to say. “you want me just as bad.”

you almost agree, but you remember on time that you’re not allowed to speak. his last sentence before your head gets pushed down into the mattress sends shivers down your spine: choose wisely.

yangyang didn’t hear most of what winwin told you just now, but he did hear those two words, and they make his blood boil, because he agrees with them.

he rests against the back of the chair and quickens the pace of his fist. he keeps it sliding along the mixture of spit and pre-cum; his size keeps twitching at the sight of your bent body getting overstimulated from behind, your head shoved into his sheets that are getting soaked by your tears, his friend’s hand pressing against your skull with roughness that he himself has never used on you; calling you names that he's never thought of calling you before.

before he knows it, his cum shoots all over his bare stomach from the way he’s been synchronising the movements of his hand with the intense speed of winwin’s hips. quiet cusses slip from his lips as the freeing warm feeling settles beneath his skin; it frustrates him how good it felt.

you, on the other hand, are waiting for the after effects of your second orgasm to fade down as winwin alternates between pulling out and gliding his cock up between your slick butt cheeks. you finally open your teary eyes for the first time in a while, provoked by his hand that suddenly pulls your hair; not roughly like earlier, but just enough for you to know you should move.

your fluids trickle down your inner thighs as you kneel still, watching yangyang appear in front of the bed. for a moment the fog which is slowing down your brain was so bad that you completely forgot the complicated situation you found yourself in.

winwin takes your wrists to hold them together behind your waist, like he wants to prevent you from touching yangyang who's now on the bed too. that's how it feels, but he remains silent and lets his friend lean forward. he lets his face get closer to yours, lips centimeters apart.

“so that's what you're into now?” an intrigued grin forms on yangyang's face as his eyes explore your fucked out features stained with smudged makeup. you look so hot that he gets the strong urge to run his tongue along your messy skin.

this makes you remember an old conversation you had with him once. you both agreed that you enjoy fucking different people, because you get to explore different parts of yourselves.

“i like this just as much as i do what i'm usually into,” you reply with voice sounding almost drowsy. hopefully, he understands the exact meaning of your answer.

he simply nods while pressing his lips together. his jaw tenses as the seconds pass.

“me and winwin didn’t like sharing our toys when we were kids.” yangyang looks up at his best friend behind you.

in a way he is still the same guy he's known his whole life, but at the same time he sees unfamiliar parts of him that he's never expected to have to confront one day.

there’s a glint of spite in the eye contact, but also a mutual understanding. they’ve both came to the same conclusion and they don't need to exchange a word. they've learned to read each other's expressions years ago, and now their determined faces signify more than enough.

winwin nods silently and yangyang moves his gaze back to you.

you know where this is going and you feel your heart clench before he even says it.

“i don’t think we will start now, baby. i warned you, didn't i?”

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind that english is not my first language. i apologise in advance for any mistakes i’ve might missed

[kick-a-long]

how do you feel about the pearl clutching on here shaming any of us who are not sparing any sympathy that terrorist rapist assholes got their balls blown off? like it’s very sad that anyone innocent died, that’s still on hezbollah. I’m not wasting any time crying over or humanizing terrorists who want us all dead and I don’t care how other Jews laugh about that to cope with all the shit we’ve been through. there’s a lot of lecturing happening about how wrong it is to laugh at and how humanity isn’t conditional (I’d agree except literal terrorists who want every Jew on earth dead and see us with no humanity at all don’t deserve our respect) and how it makes us look bad. everything makes us look bad. why do we have to be mother teresa here? I’m not sorry for mocking terrorism and no one should be. it helps take their power.

i'm not going to lecture anyone for being overly empathetic in the same way i wouldn't lecture an depressed person about how a shower will make them feel better but in my opinion they are being stupid as hell. I get it. jews are called demonic monsters by so many people with power that we have to try twice as hard to show everyone we're nice people. the most humane humans ever. but like... fuck that?

it's 100% a time to laugh and celebrate when actual, factual terrorists, who don't deserve to live based on their dedication to murder and violation of basic human rights, get their literal nuts blown off. very funny, very hype. I'm probably the biggest fan. perfect dramatic irony. that punishment fits that crime. these are not guys in a bad situation, they enthusiastically murder people because they like it and they are paid well for it. I'm not saying that they aren't human but come on! It's insulting to say jews should pour one out for terrorists especially if it's for the optics or the piety or whatever!

it's also a pragmatic issue. the HHH terrorist groups aren't people you can negotiate with and cutting off their communications and hitting them with overwhelming force will beat them back with less civilian blood, quicker, than anything like asking them to stop setting everyone's country on fire. to pretend negotiation is possible is why they and iran keep regrouping and bombing shit everywhere in the middle east and around the world.

they are proud of killing people and looking tough and to ignore the irony of them getting literally castrated because they want to be the biggest swinging dicks in the world is to accept that their most toxic of toxic, anti-humanity idea of masculinity should be nursed and protected. worse, it implies it's some middle eastern cultural value that should be respected. i don't believe that, i think that's racist as hell. i don't want that in my house so why would i coddle it in any other woman's?

weeping for them supports the idea that great men really do define themselves through their violence. they really do need to blow up a few soccer fields and taylor swift concerts and kidnap a few sex slaves to be a man in arab culture which is fucking disgusting, racist and fucking stupid. no one gains ANYTHING from terrorists. if you can point out any long term good they contribute i would call you a liar.

i understand the anxiety and guilt of celebrating deaths, after all that's what terrorists do, but to shoot a man in self defense because he has stabbed you before, talks constantly about stabbing you, is stabbing you currently, while he is screaming that he will never stop...? that's both morally correct and metal as hell. if one bullet shoots off his dick too, well I'm no angle... I think that's funny as hell.

fuck 'em.

[pa-pa-plasma]

hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor

Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

[jabeur]

okay like the thing is that suicide jokes and such are probably not that bad or that big of a deal if you're not really suicidal but if you're For Real suicidal or have been before and are not doing well mentally and you keep making them and start finding comfort in the thought you could kill yourself if you wanted to. be careful

[stillfruit]

i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

[beskad]

me every day: yes, I understand that I have ptsd. yes, it will frequently disrupt my life in sometimes (seemingly) random ways. sometimes this will necessitate leaving work or disclosing things about myself to a supervisor or friend or bystander because it's freaking them out and THEY are now panicking and often wanting to call me an ambulance. this is just a fact. it's fine. i'm dealing with it. most years are easier than the ones before them. it's fine.

me when my ptsd is actually triggered: what is happening right now. why can't I breathe. why can't I stand up. why do I feel like I'm about to throw up and die. oh, I know!!! I must be having an allergic reaction to something!!!! I'm suddenly coming down with the flu in the span of 3 minutes!!! this is so weird!!!!!!!

[hajihiko]

You can correct me if I'm wrong, but from my understanding, your current brainrot is supportive found family platonic soulmates who have been through thick and thin together with hints of something more affectionate beneath the surface?

So basically, like usual your brainrot is just your version of the Dr2 survivors XD

YEAH.... it just flares up sometimes lmao. Like a disease

[thebleedingeffect]

.

[aeide-thea]

god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—

but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:

holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into

holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??

like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.

[daydreamingoncloud9]

[beeseverywhen]

Still makes me so mad that the hospital stole my teeth when I was too out of it from the anesthesia to fight them on it. I grew those! Just because they turned on me and I needed them out of my body, doesn't mean I didn't want to keep them.

[chonideno]

I can't tell exactly when things changed like that but it all feels so much more real. fleshier. more livable. my body's always been a house and now it's a home and actually my whole life is a home.

last week I was travelling for work and I enjoyed going for pointless walks in the snow. I befriended a kind old man in the lobby of the congress venue and he called me lovely with all the well-meaning warmth of a long-time neighbor. since I came back home my cat hasn't stopped smothering me with love. tonight my rowing coach told me he wants me in a racing boat next summer. the group chat is looking forward to our lunch tomorrow. my mom will be waiting for me at the train station later this week.

and none of these are huge things? the big things (job, apartment, general prospects) are the same as they've been for over a year.

but there's so much love everywhere and I'm not scared of it, and I'm also not overwhelmed by it. it's soft and warm. it's fleeting but will always come back in a way or another, with another face, feeling slightly different. it'll always find me and I'll always find it. life really is a unique experience dude.

[supercantaloupe]

i had a meeting to discuss the grad fellowship job and while it was overwhelmingly positive and both myself and the professor/faculty are happy and excited for me to take the job my stupid fucking brain can't stop turning over the one (1) slightly negative comment i got regarding my candidacy/qualification like shawarma

[giantkillerjack]

As time goes by, I find I am less likely to wake up in the middle of the night to needlessly hate on myself for some random awkward harmless thing I did 10 years ago.

I'm still up in the middle of the night feeling a deep primal urge to needlessly hate on things from years ago, but now it's more just things like

MAN I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATED BLY MANOR HUH