#I think its funny that you’re just chilling and then come across a really funky cow

[bi-ocelot]

I totally agree

We need nether mooshrooms god damnit

[super-lemon-sama]

I had another super realistic dream-

Just like the dream wife dream, it felt like that was my real life, like I was actually there. 

Sadly this is one of the dreams I don’t remember as well as other but what basically happened was two things. I made friends with this dude and his friends and found out I had a crazy stalker.

the dream will be under the cut and also I made some pictures for it too! ^^

So I was living in this apartment that was basically just one room and a closet ((I mean but I liked it so what'evs i guess. also it was literally just the computer room we had in Oklahoma that I felt was very nice some days and very scary other days.))

there are a couple bits I remember better than others, one that I somehow befriended this guy (who I very specifically thinking in my head in the dream as I was looking at him that His hair was Neapolitan colored and it made me laugh, and so I called him Neapolitan and Neo' from then on.) I don’t remember how we met or what we were talking about before it happened (maybe I was at a party???) but I remember we hadn’t known each other that long but I asked him to walk me home bc I had been getting a creepy feeling all day and he was like "hmmm aight'" 

and I held out my hand and he was like 

"????what???" 

so I dead ass super serious was like 

"You gotta hold my hand, it's a sign of trust in my culture, and is good luck." 

lmaooo I mean in my dream the culture thing was true but I also remember thinking that it would help me tell if he decided to pull out a knife for some reason. ((Like this dude wasn’t even a badie, I was just super suspish of everyone that day))

Anyway we're walking outside in a park or somin and we approach this building. you know how at beaches or public pools they have a building that are like a bathroom for girls and guys but separated by side?

Like this

Well dudes like 

"hey, I need to pee, you okay if we stop for a sec?" 

and I was like 

"hhhhhhhhhdshghjgs yeahiguess." 

obviously only more scared since we left. and he's like 

"look if you're really so worried then just come into the bathroom with me and stand outside the stall, that way I’m right there if something happens and you can look out for trouble for me." 

and so obvi I’m like 

"//gasp// I can’t go in THERE! That’s the boys room!" 

so neos like 

"It's like 12 at night, Literally no one's around to care, you'll be fine. You know unless we aren’t actually alone muahaha" 

and I’m like 

"shuuut your shit up, I’m big scared okay... fine, just hurry up" 

and we walk in

And I’m just realizing now that even though it was the boys room that is literally was just a girls bathroom with just stall and no urinals lmaooo

it looked a lot like this

i remember it very specifically being really dimly lit and the colors were very blue grey, and dark green

i also remember looking down to see if anyone was in one of the stalls but we were in the clear

Anyway as he peed i was getting really nervous and had a daydream thing like I used to get sometimes in Oklahoma where I very vividly imagined something happening. it was of this figure phasing through the wall and running at me really fast

the figure looked like this at first

Its head was covered in this thick tough flesh that made me thing of those rubber masks they make for Halloween, but really thick, once it reached me its face changed into a mans face, but I don’t remember what it looked like, just that he was smiling

I got really scared when I snapped out of it and started hearing a really loud breathing coming from the the stall closest to the exit

as well as this low humming tone that kept getting louder and closer. I saw the latch to the stall start sliding so I screamed to Neapolitan that we need to run right now

and neo busts through the stall I was guarding and grabs my hand and we zoom tf out of that place all the way back to my apartment. like I dead ass was so exhausted that I was actually panting and trying to catch my breath in my dream. like never in my life have I felt like that while in a dream, it was wild.

he was like 

"whoa, that was scare as fuck, what the shit???? Do you like,,,,, want me to stay over tonight and make sure nothing happens?" 

and I'm like 

"KJDFLKADGFALKGFALKDHJ YESPLEASE" 

like sobbing but also dying from running so literally nothing I said was anything close to comprehensible, but he got what I meant.

I only got the pullout couch and offered him to sleep on top while I sleep under it ((it's what I do okay, that's not even my weird ass dream logic thats my real ass what I do irl logic))

 and he was like, 

"nah that's okay you got a pretty comfy chair, i'll just chill in this and keep watch okay?" 

and I like got choked up again bc I was literally so thankful. like even rn even though it was a dream I still feel really thankful???? i just normally never speak to people in my dreams really so it's like more important to me?? Idk

but I remember waking up (in my dream) and seeing him like passed out in the chair arms crossed and it was super funny, but I wake him up and I'm like 

"hey thanks for being so cool man, let me buy you breakfast." 

and he's like 

"Oh man, that sounds great, thanks!"

I vaguely remember that we ate from my apartments like bed and breakfast buffet thing but I don’t remember it that well, but I do remember that some stuff happened after that that had to do with hallways and that going back to my apartment the land lord was standing in front of my door and he was like, 

"hey uhhh, I got some bad news for you..." 

and I'm like 

"uhhhhhhhhh whaaaaat???"

so I remember the landlord sitting in my chair and telling me about how someone broke into my apartment but I wasnt really listening bc there was a storage box on the floor and hanging off of it were a couple of necklaces. ((necklaces I have in real life btw)) but one very specifically that I wore like every day in middle school and the beginning of high school that I had lost not to long after moving into the apartment ((this was true irl and the dream))

the necklace was a thin gold chain with a bunch of miss matched charms on it

I was fixated on it because literally how could it be here right now and why does it look different????

i pick it up and it has a bunch of copper pennies attached to it

it was SCARY vivid, like I was strapped into this dream like it was real life and even my dream self was looking at it like it was crazy real

I remember how the pennies were copper and pretty clean and how they weren’t just added to the ends but mixed into the other charms so whoever did this took the time to take off all the charms and place them back on a certain way with the pennies, I remember the weight of it in my hands when I picked it up and the specific weight at the bottom of the chain from all the pennies and charms

oh man I remember the chinkling sound it made and when i picked it up and I got that panic attack hot cold and nauseous feeling all over. Because I specifically wore that necklace because of the sound it made when I wore it. I liked the clinking sound it made, and who ever took it KNEW THAT

Sometime later im chillin with the dude and his friends, ((it's two other girls)) and I dont remember exactly what we were talking about but this one girl with pokey straight black hair says 

"Oh for sure!" 

confirming that she agreed with some sort of sentiment. she was just a bold person. not loud and obnoxious and not mean. she just had a up front opinion is all, and I thought she was really cool.

oh and we're all chilling on this deck thing but it's like indoors

we got a bunch of books and magazines and stuff

and neo is layin across me, like not in a funky way, but in a chill friend way and everything is chill and he moves closer to my face as he's asking me something and im in the middle of answering him when I get really tense bc I suddenly realize he's really close to my face and that I could totally smooch him if I wanted to. which like I did but I don’t deal with that kinda stuff well so I probably would have just laid there awkwardly not saying anything while I screamed internally until he's like "uhm you okay?" but my alarm woke me up so I'll never know what dream me would have done. Lmaooooo

any stressor like that dead ass makes my head go "brain function .exe has stopped working, please close out and try again later" so maybe that lmaooo

anyway, that was pretty much all I remembered, but just like the dream wife dream it was CRAZY real.

I hope that wasnt to boring to read or to hard to understand! ^^;

[greenishbucket]

We’ll Find a Way to Survive

Lardo and graduation. 1.8k, ao3.

Inspired by @jack-manpain-zimmermann‘s post about Lardo graduating. Hope it was okay to do this! 

It’s a Thursday evening and Lardo is sitting with her legs on her desk, a bowl of tomato rice in her lap that’s been in the fridge for at least four days and is starting to taste kinda funky, wrapped in a hoodie even though it’s warm because whatever. It feels comforting to be wrapped up. She has three texts from her mom and two from her dad that she’s been ignoring for three days, even though they’re just sweet updates on life at home.

Shitty is talking fast on Skype about some asshole in his class. Lardo’s pretty sure it’s the same dick that comes up every week when Shitty has a two-hour class with the dude but he really is a dick so she lets Shitty get it all out even when he’s recycling the same criticisms again. He still looks grey around the eyes and she can see three coffee cups from different stores on his bedside table. His hair needs washing and it’s pretty fucking ridiculous but Lardo can’t look away from how the greasy look falls differently now Shitty hasn’t got a flow.

When Lardo had first cut Shitty’s hair it had been funny at first, chilling in the bathroom while Shitty had showered then brushing his hair out with a comb and hacking it into all the ugliest styles she could think of with threats to leave it like that. He’d laughed and said hockey players were, like, contractually obliged to have ugly as fuck haircuts so she’d better pull through on that.

Neither of them had given voice to the fact Shitty wasn’t going to be a hockey player anymore but they had fallen quiet as Lardo carried on cutting his hair into a respectable attempt at what he’d called a ‘neutral upstanding lawyer bro-do’. When she was done they’d looked in the bathroom mirror, Lardo on a stool for height and her head head poking out over Shitty’s shoulder, and Shitty’s mouth had been shut tight like he didn’t trust himself to speak, his eyes a little watery.

Lardo had wanted to kiss the top of his head, or something, but they weren’t like that yet. Or they were because what was personal space even but Lardo didn’t know if she could do it like they were still just bros, felt like maybe it would come across too heavy. Shitty had barely even looked like himself without the flow, the back and sides of his neck paler and vulnerable looking where they hadn’t seen steady sun in years. It was too much and Lardo hadn’t wanted to start crying about shit so she’d given him a noogie instead and then called him a nerd and the moment had broken.

Now all the feeling about his flow comes rushing back. Graduation is right around the corner and Lardo has literally fuck all planned and she’s fucked it all up and her parents are breathing down her neck about how she hasn’t got a job as a doctor or some shit lined up for after Samwell even though she’s an art major and she misses having Shitty here in the Haus with her to talk some gender shit and smoke with her in the reading room when the stress was too much. Now they’re all growing up and having to move out and on and Shitty won’t be able to grow his flow back for years if ever and Lardo is fucking dreading the end of the year so much because literally what is she going to do?

She’s halfway through a mouthful of tomato rice and Shitty is still ranting about the asshole dude when she realises her throat is almost too tight to swallow and, jeez, she’s actually crying.

“Dude, Lards – are you crying?”

“No,” Lardo says with as much force as she can while crying and talking around a half-chewed bowl of tomato rice. She spits it back into the bowl which is gross but whatever, it tasted weird already and it’s not like she’s sharing the rice with anyone else.

Shitty kindly ignores the rice spitting. “Hey, talk to me, bro. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

A sigh. “Lards.”

“Nothing.”

“Lardo, come on.”

“Shits, it’s nothing you can fucking fix, okay? Leave it.”

“For fuck’s sake, I’m not saying let me fix all your problems,” Shitty says, looking if anything more tired and that’s the last thing Lardo wanted. “I’m saying talk to me, let all that negative shit out. Bawling in the middle of me sharing the latest horrors of law school is pretty fucking standard but dude’s been worse and you haven’t started the waterworks so I’m thinking it’s not the current and future state of our legal system that’s got you crying, not that I’d judge you if it was.”

Lardo pushes through the shit-ton of crap that’s been building on her desk for weeks in search of a tissue then wipes her eyes and messily blows her nose when she finds a vaguely clean one. She doesn’t feel better really but the short burst of crying has taken some of the pressure off, reduced the stress to kinda-manageable instead of holy-fuck-what-do-I-do. She takes a long gulp of her water before she starts to talk.

“It’s just like, all this graduation shit that I really don’t wanna deal with. I have no idea what I’m doing and me and Rans used to be, like, bros in that but now even he’s sorted and I’m still not and all the other art kids have had plans since day one because apparently that’s what you’ve gotta have if you get a degree in art and no one told me. I don’t know where I’m supposed to live except move back to my parents which would be fine because I’d be nearer you and they’re my parents, y’know, but they’re all ‘Larissa, we just want what’s best for you but also you gotta do this exact thing that we decided was best’ and ‘Larissa, your art is so interesting but how are you gonna move forward with it’ and like– fuck.”

Lardo’s heart is beating hard against her ribs and her hands are shaking with the adrenaline of letting it all out. She wipes her eyes again and continues, unable to look at the screen but before she can overthink it: “I just miss getting to hang out with you every day and now I won’t even have these guys to hang out with anymore and it’s all gonna suck and I hate it.”

Her room still feels lonely and cold even as the sounds of the Haus carry on all around but it’s a little less than before and Lardo’s chest feels a lot lighter. She scoops up some of her saliva-tomato-rice and shoves it in her mouth, still keeping her eyes on the floorboards.

“Bro,” Shitty says after a moment. When she looks up, his eyebrows are reaching his hairline. “Like, Lards.”

“I know, it’s all my fault because I should’ve organised better but you get why it sucks, right?”

Shitty makes a spluttering noise and says, “Fucking hell, no way. It’s not your fault art is undervalued by capitalist society and you’ve got parents with expectations and shit, I’m saying holy shit, man, you do not need to be getting so tied up with this and if you are you gotta let someone know before you’re choking on your tomato rice.”

“But there’s like a bazillion things I need to sort and I don’t even know how to do any of it,” Lardo says. “Like, how do I just make myself have direction in life and shit?”

Shitty’s leaning in close to the camera, tucked with his knees up on his desk chair and laptop balancing on top judging by the way its shaking every now and again, and Lardo wishes she’d thought ahead to keep this meltdown until they’d been together in person. Talking over Skype is still better than phoning but – not to be a baby – Lardo could do with a hug.

“You gotta just go with the flow, at least half the people graduating don’t know what they’re doing.”

“That’s your advice? Chill? Are you Nursey?”

“Hand on heart, swear to fuck, the dude’s onto something with that one. Why panic?”

Lardo can feel herself getting irritated and she hates that her fuse is so short these days but what does Shitty know about trying to figure out graduation, he got into fucking Harvard Law and his mom is a like a hippie or something and is all about self-actualisation and shit.

“I have no time to figure out all my shit and jobs are already getting back to people and I’ve wasted a fuck-ton of money on a degree I don’t know what to do with,” she says, carefully steady.

“And you’ve got your whole life to figure something out, bro. Graduating is sad and scary as fuck but, let me tell you, it feels amazing. The ‘swawesomest thing to ever happen.”

Lardo sighs. “I know, Shits. I just wanna know what I’m doing.”

Shitty puts the laptop back on his desk, shifts awkwardly in his chair. “Well, yanno. If you wanted you could come split rent with me while you work shit out. Your parents would probably be cool with it and you’re probs overqualified for all the retail jobs and whatever you could get. You could look into grad school shit, too.”

Lardo feels herself tearing up again. “Shits.”

Shitty shrugs like he hasn’t probably thought it over for months and mumbles, “Only if you wanna, man. It’d be pretty fucking great to have you.”

“Shut up, I’d be coming for that crazy good BU painting and sculpture MFA program,” Lardo says, meaning yes yes yes please and thank you.

“Got your back, bro,” Shitty says, meaning love you.

They grin stupidly at each other for a bit over the pixelated screen. Lardo’s still wrapped up in a hoodie, spit-filled decaying rice for dinner, head pulsing with crying and her face itchy with tears and it’s all still unclear as fuck but at least there’s something now. The beginnings of a plan. Lardo still can’t believe sometimes that she really gets to date her best friend, they’re really doing this and it’s as good as she’d ever hoped. It seems stupid now to think she had to go this alone, when Shitty’s sitting with her after a long as fuck day and giving her a reality check.

“God, I wish we could make out now,” she says because sure, romance, but God she wishes they could make out now.

“Oh fuck, me too,” Shitty says, expression still concerned and she knows he’s probs going to be carrying some guilt about not noticing she was feeling bad and he’ll crack the closer to deadlines they get but she’ll have his back too when it all gets too much for him. “When are you visiting again?” he asks.

Lardo pulls out her calendar from her desk of crap and for once the circled graduation day, still some rows down, doesn’t make her feel quite as much tight, sucking anxiety. Her and Shits compare their schedules and she breathes easy.

[andryushas]

Great Comet Things

I got to see Great Comet on Sunday and it was absolutely amazing. The whole cast was amazing and the show is so artistic and surreal. Below is a bunch of things I noticed that were either very cool, unexpected or both. Warning, it’s very very long:

ACT I

The show doesn't actually start with Pierre singing. He comes out with his accordion then you hear Natasha yelp a really sad "No!" then run on stage with Andrei at her heals. They have a moment, and she looks really sad and he looks Very in Love and takes a necklace off his neck and puts it on her. She grasps at it and he runs out the door behind Pierre, representing the war

Prologue is actually really funny. Like it's sort of funny on the recording but the way people move and act w their faces makes it very comic. 

Marya is a little terrifying. She plays "strict yet Kind" out to the audience like, "yes, I'm KiNd!!! Believe me, That's an order!!"

Anatole is actually really funny. I had totally been imagining him as this impossibly smooth figure and He Isn't. Like yes, he's very smooth at times but he is also totally used for comedy sometimes and is severely melodramatic. 

Oak's Pierre is really dimensional. He's very subdued and gentle but there's also a roughness to his voice when he gets really disgusted in himself or in the world and he moves really smoothly and naturally between Pierre's gruffer, darker side, and the cute awkward warmness which he also does wonderfully.

Denée's Natasha reads really well as this young girl who has always been loved and appreciated and is now really struggling for the first time with her happiness and she's really bold and a little self absorbed and this really brings out the changes which I will get back to later

Courtney Bassett was wonderful as Mary!! She's plays her really sweet and shy but also clashes really well w Natasha. 

Private and Intimate is really intense but can also get very funny. Nicholas Belton is hilarious but his Bolkonsky has a lot to him I guess? He moves really slowly and he does the fragile thing really well for a dude who is like Bolting down the aisles as Andrei. I'm very scared of old prince Bolkonsky. 

The Lighting in No One Else  oh my go d. The song is so beautiful but the visuals. The falling snow. It's heartrending. Ahhhh.

Marya Dmitrievna is the best ever. I love her. 

The Opera is Funky as hell. Paul Pinto is a firecracker. What a cool dude.

I didn't expect Anatole to actually get that excited about Natasha. I sort of read it as pure manipulation (it's still manipulative don't get me wrong) but he really does adore her. He really cares about whether or not she likes him and he fawns over her.

The Duel is intense as fuck. Amber Gray walked passed me at some point (i can't remember if it was during the duel or not but) she is a goddess, damn it. I love her.

Nick Choksi plays the sociopathic Dolokhov you get in the book better in person than I would've guessed 

Pierre does this thing when he gets shot where he ducks and stays ducking for a long time bc he thinks he's a dead man and there's a long silence.  And then he looks up like “oh!” and Oak made the cutest face ever when he realized he won the duel.

Ok I didn't like dust and ashes when I heard it on the soundtrack and saw it at the Tony's but the way Oak does it is an absolute show stopper. It blew me away. I love it. It's now one of my favorite songs in the show. Pierre is sitting in his Hole or whatever. The sad hole. And he just. Opens himself up and it's great. There was at least a full minute of applause for him. 

SUUUUUNDAY MORNING TIME FOR CHURCH

I love sunday morning but i do miss Sonya’s part from the off broadway soundtrack

When Helene comes in during Charming, Natasha is dressed in nothing but her corset  and a tiny little underskirt and it makes her so vulnerable and frightened its an interesting dynamic. Amber Gray is a powerhouse of an actress and a singer and I love her. She has the coolest cloak too.

There’s this thing in Charming where Helene rips Natasha’s necklace from Andrei off and Natasha looks so guilty and upset about it. It really breaks the excitement from the yay, dresses part. She tosses it into Pierre’s depression hole and it landed in his book. Pierre picked it up and looked hilariously confused.

The ball is at least 80% same sex couples which was pretty cool. The ending is beautiful but it gets really chilling as the act draws to a close.

ACT II

Letters was bomb af. I’m gonna note again that I love Okieriete Onaodowan. After saying that he wrote the letter, Dolokhov crouches really malevolently watching what he orchestrated unfolds.

When they pass the love letter to Natasha, the audience has to pass it across the aisle but the girl didn’t know what to do when it got to the end, so Denee leaned really desperately with her arm reached out waving sweetly and asking for the letter until she got it

INGRID MICHAELSON IS A REALLY AMAZING ACTRESS AND SHE WRECKED ME

Preparations is a bop. Nick Choksi is a gift.

There’s a bit at the beginning where Anatole is carrying a big ol bag and he looks like he plans to walk up the stairs with it but then WHOOPS ANDREI IS SITTING ON SAID STAIRS. Anatole does absolutely nothing in acknowledging this- he simply sees he’ll need to take the other stairs and walk away.

I LOVE PAUL PINTO OK

There’s that one post about struggling to keep your sleeves rolled being gay culture and...Lucas Steele took a really long time to get his sleeves rolled up. I snorted.

I have very few words to describe the next few songs so i’ll sorta skip forward a little and just...trust me when I say they’re amazing

Seeing Pierre kick Anatole’s bitch ass is a ton of fun but its much less fun the way its staged because thats when natasha poisons herself and its painful

Natasha Very Ill was so tense and painful

One of the nice things Natasha sings about Andrei in act one becomes a letter to him which we see him open and read. He looks kind of lovestruck and then scared and he tucks the letter away, running off with the ribbon still in his hand. He comes on with this ribbon in his hand a bunch of times, and once, when he looks really beat up and scared, he has the ribbon tied around his gun. The last time he brings this ribbon on stage is in Pierre and Andrey, where its been returned around the parcel of Natasha’s letters.

GOD I love Nicholas Belton’ Andrei. There’s so much pain he’s trying to hide and it’s just being pressed down and hardening into rage. He’s really rough and a bit frightening but its so clearly from a place of sadness. His “No, I am well,” is almost pitifully unconvincing. The scene is so heavy. I could go on about this song forever. He does something on “never speak of that again” where he lashes out and sort of throws his hand out at Pierre’s chest and Pierre looks genuinely frightened by him. He’s really sympathetic even though he’s so cold. In three minutes he captures SO much of Andrei Bolkonsky

In Pierre and Natasha, Denee is completely transformed. She holds the railing and sways likes hse’s falling and walks like each step is over broken glass. Seeing her liveliness shatter is so utterly tragic. She’s brilliant.

Oak’s Pierre is so kind and good hearted. He was really crying during Pierre and Natasha, and it was so full of love. When he did the confession, he worked up so much courage to say it, and he was still sniffling from crying and there was such love in his voice that it richened and softened beautifully. It was so tender and beautiful.

THE ENSEMBLE SINGING IN THE FINALE. Their voices weave a whole sky of stars. Pierre coming to an understanding is illuminated by their soft moonlit voices. The whole moment is as clear as crystal and it is a perfectly executed awakening. It felt deeper and realer than I’d ever imagined.

I was crying a lot

Bonus: Stagedoor

Josh Canfield and Nicholas Belton came out first. I was very awkward but they were both Darlings. Josh photobombed my picture with nicholas belton and nicholas belton was like “oh looks like you’ve got a photobomber” and somehow I didn’t notice until like an hour later

A bunch of really cool ensemble members came out

Nick Choksi came over and he was still wearing his very heavy eyeliner. Someone said “you’re rocking the guyliner” and he looked quite pleased. I told him preparations is like the best song and he was like “hell yeah”

My friend (@levizoe​) told Paul Pinto that his performance was really moving. He thought this was a reference to the show as a whole but I knew. I knew this was about him, Balaga, specifically

Everyone lost it when Oak came out. He had a Harry Potter t-shirt on and was carrying a skateboard. What a cool dude. He’s huge but not as tall as I anticipated. so many muscles. I gave him some are and he was like “Oh this is pretty cool.” then he looked at it and called it kind of amazing and I died. Then he went inside to put it away and all the people who he didn’t get to yet were giving me some serious side eye i felt bad (he came back tho ofc)

Ingrid Michaelson has very pretty eyes and is very nice. She looked so tired tho i felt bad.

IN CONCLUSION I AM DEAD. Sorry for the length of this post. Its such an amazing show. I love them all so much.