#I think it's more about the zoom energy the characters felt about it

[feelingtheaster99]

Oh man, they really overhyped this whole, "Brennan threatened to quit the show because Ally made such a crazy decision" because Beardsley has done WAAAAAAY more unhinged things in previous episodes of this same show, mmkay?

[ainadelothwen]

I think enough time has passed that I can talk about Kit's play INFLUENCE in some detail without spoiling it for other people.

I got tickets for a Wednesday night show, front row center. The Collective Theatre is a pretty small, intimate theatre, seating perhaps 50-60 people total. My partner and I ended up being the only people in the front row - which was legitimately great - as it added to the intimacy. I got to watch Kit perform 8 feet away from me all night, got to see every emotion flicker across his face and every gesture of his hand like he was in my own living room.

The first Act is a magic show. And as a magic show, there's a lot of participation from the audience and a lot of banter from Kit. This play was a perfect showcase for Kit and his charming, playful and flirty personality. His crowd work is excellent. I don't think people realize just how much Jesper-energy Kit has naturally. The first Act also allowed Kit to truly demonstrate his physical prowess. Sure, you could probably glean he was good at the sleight of hand stuff with his Jesper gunslinger, and just how in control of his body he is with his dancing, sword fighting, footballing etc but watching the fluidity of his movements on stage, when he's right in front of you, and you STILL don't see how he did the magic trick even though you are paying rapt attention - is something else.

Because my partner and I were the only two in the front row, we ended up on stage with Kit a lot. He appeared bound on stage with duct tape across his mouth and I had to pull it off to free him, to start the play. I think I was gentle enough and I kept the duct tape as a souvenir, along with two playing cards from another trick - is that weird?

There's another trick where my partner had to handcuff Kit and he made a coy comment to my partner about being very good at that, before looking at me and winking. My partner also helped him with a "mind control" trick, which involved them "psychically" connecting another volunteer to think of the same words.

I also got a chance to participate in one of the bigger magic tricks. When you first walked into the theatre, the ushers handed you a pencil, a small envelope and a slip of paper. You were instructed to write down a secret, seal it in the envelope and put your seat number on it, before dropping it off in a clear box on stage. I knew exactly what I wanted to write; my partner agonized a bit longer. At some point in the evening, Kit began pulling unopened envelopes from the clear box and used his "telepathic" powers to read what's on them - and he picked mine!

After "guessing" my name and birthdate, he started guessing the bulk of the secret with me confirming each correct guess (this is the gist of the interaction):

"Would you say you like your job? But you're doing a lot of meetings over Skype? Zoom? Oh, Google Meet? That's the worst one. And those meetings can get boring, yeah? And when you get bored - you start reading -" he was grinning and his eyes were twinkling - "trashy online fan fiction?"

At this point my face felt beet red, the audience was laughing, and all I could think was "My good man, I am reading trashy fan fics about *your character*, and picturing *you* in my mind." And I think Kit knew. It was simultaneously and hilariously embarrassing and a very fun interaction - all because of how well he handled it.

There's a twist in the latter half of the Play (and this is when it becomes a Play) when Kit's more emotional acting really comes through. Then after the show, he does come out to meet the audience - I'll post about that another time - but he's wonderful in real life too.

[reimenaashelyee]

The World in Deeper Inspection UPDATE Read: (Chapter 1: Pages 57 to 68) (COMPLETED)

About the comic

Grimsley confronts the man who set him on this goose chase.

And with that… that’s the end of the 10th Anniversary revamp!! Can’t believe it took me almost a year to get this short project done, but blame my school and day job for that! *drives the nail into the TWIDI IS NOT DEAD sign deeper into the wall*

It was enlightening to reinterpret my first ever completed comic (more complete than the strips and unfinished or one-off shorts I had done prior) – basically the one that started me down the road to a career as a published author. I was happy to see how much my style had improved – not just in the layout, flow and pacing – but in how my characters have become more expressive and energetic, and how comfortable I am with the cartooning. Here is the proof that drawing comics helps you get better at comics!! It only took 10 / 11 years!

Plus, after a long while of drawing with a more reserved, professional approach (see: Seance Tea Party, Alexander Comic), I enjoyed the abandon and whimsy of TWIDI. The lettering is inconsistent all over but that only adds to the handmade whimsical charm of TWIDI, so lol.

Anyway – I have the 10th Anniversary ebook edition up on my Ko-fi and itch.io! This edition carries both the original and revamped versions of Chapter 1. No new cover or illustration for it this time; I think they are perfect as they are.

I have been meaning to make a continuation of the end of TCM that bridges the start of Chapter 1. It’s a long time coming: a story that had somewhat existed since the early days of TWIDI in 2010. Hopefully I will find that stability in my life to return.

Open the cut below to see my notes.

There’s also nothing exciting here, EXCEPT I severely cut down on the number of panels (and the verbiage).

As with the previous spread I cut down and distilled a lot of the verbiage. I shifted the dialogue slightly so that the reveal that Mr. Brown is a Lord comes from Grimsley (in 2013, Mr Brown never admitted he was an aristrocrat until this page) – it made more sense since Grimsley had gotten the info independently from the newspaper article and Andrew, and Mr Brown not mentioning it himself fits with his whole lying thing. For this spread and the next couple of them I am zooming out the panels to include more scenery. The 2013 layouts felt very claustrophobic, with the over-reliance on bust shots of the characters to carry the tension of the conversation.

Some more dialogue trimming and background scenery. I decided to change the setting for the chase sequence to be within the cemetery – just ’cause it makes more sense than if it was done all around Brookham. The panelling for it is a bit more dynamic too – look, Grimsley is parkouring!!

I have no idea why 10 (actually, 11) years ago I had so much trouble conveying and pacing this sequence of Mr Brown being set on fire. That’s the hindsight of experience, I guess??? Anyway I added a few more panels for actual build-up, and the blocking is way better now – there’s more energy (especially Skeleton’s expressions) and clarity (omg we can finally see where and what’s happening to the lamp). The last panel is a new addition to better connect with the next spread. Also… I am excited to see how much further I can draw Mr. Brown’s demise.

Man, the difference some changes in pacing can make. I added some panels with witnesses to the fire, just to emphasise why Grimsley and Skeleton have got to run. It’s crazy enough if a Brookie has got to witness immolation in the middle of the Night, but two paranatural spookies??? Also human fat has such a colour hdsjkfhsdkf the things that come out of an immolated body are so eerie….

The 2013 spread is almost perfect. 18 Year Old Me got it.

[kedsandtubesocks]

Go Play Your Video Games

Summary: As a small time gaming streamer, you like your little cozy corner online. But when a subscriber donates a couple of thousand during a charity stream, he swears it’s because he’s an actor. You know the rule about never truly trusting anything on the internet. So there’s no way an actual actor can be watching you stream, right?

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x YouTuber!Reader

Word Count: 11.4K

Rating: M (18+ only)

Warnings: slight phone sex and allusions to sex, drug mentions, if there is anything I’ve missed please let me know (also sorry no beta reader we embrace the chaos the way dieter would)

A/N: Ok so, reader has a YouTube channel name and nickname but I promise it connects to the story so I just wanted to give that heads up! Second there are game references but nothing extreme or that you need to know for reading this. Third yes the title is based off the song ‘video games’ but i highly recommend Trixie Mattel’s cover of it! Fourth and final this is for @skeletoncowboys and @lowlights - my two lovely angels I truly can’t thank you both enough… this would not be here without y’all, you two are my guiding stars

and to you reading this, thank you 💜

Dieter is worried as balls he’s going to be late.

His manager has been talking for so long now that the dude sounds like a parent from a Charlie Brown special, just mumbling muffled crap that Dieter hasn’t even been listening to since fifteen minutes ago.

“Dieter. Dieter, man are you even paying attention?” His manager snaps and Dieter waves half heartedly at him.

“No.” He answers truthfully while his eyes stay focus on the other side of his laptop screen where the YouTube page is opened. Fuck he’s thankful the screen hasn’t changed. His eyes even stopped trying to flicker between the zoom meeting and the YouTube window. Now he just flat out patiently stares at the load screen buffering. 

“You know what, fine. We’ll just figure this out tomorrow.” His poor manager sighs giving up.

“Yeah I know. I said earlier we should have discussed this tomorrow but whatever, okay bye!” Dieter cries happily and immediately clicks out of the zoom meeting to maximize the other window. The screen however suddenly freezes in the process. 

“God damnit shitty hotel wifi!” Dieter screams horrified, scary movie worthy. 

It’s just a snag of a moment but it is costing him time. He now scrambles to try and do something, anything, to bring the screen to life.

Because he’s been waiting for this moment. 

A face reveal. Your face reveal. 

You normally did all your ‘let’s play’ game streams faceless. You mentioned how you wanted everyone to focus on the game while also admitting that you felt a bit self conscious about showing your face. 

But then the charity stream collab came. 

“If you guys donate and we make it past one thousand dollars I’ll do it. I’ll do a face reveal stream. And who knows, maybe I’ll do a few more if we reach anything past our goal.”

You announced that during the stream a few weeks ago while your character ran around the Sim’s. 

Dieter did not hesitate. He donated the entire thousand himself and added two extra thousand dollars just in case. He even recorded the moment it happened because it was so damn cute. You were so damn cute. 

On stream when you suddenly saw the amount you cough out whatever you were taking a sip from. It made him laugh.

“Okay DB Blaster what the HELL?” Your reaction? Saying his user name? One of his top ten favorite moments of all time for sure.

Now the face reveal stream is here.

He already knows you’re probably beautiful, just knows because he can tell. The energy and aura you give off? Yeah he knows you’re gorgeous. Plus his actors’s intuition is no joke.

But now he gets to know what color your eyes are, how your face looks when it lights up when you laugh. 

And the damn stupid hotel wifi is fucking up his entire LIFE. 

As if nothing, the laptop screen unfreezes and there, the stream pops up. Dieter thinks he actually hears angels singing as the stream loads. 

“Come ON!” He screams at the laptop so tempted to shake it. 

And then, there you are. 

You sit on a cozy gaming chair. The light of your bedroom bathes you in a golden glow as you grin warm. It damn near twinkles in your eyes. 

Dieter inhales so fast his head goes dizzy. His heart suddenly jumps wild as hell in his chest and he’s worried it might fly out of his ass.

Because yeah he knew you were going to be pretty, but he didn’t think you’d be down right gorgeous.

He sits stunned in the nice hotel chair.

A piece of him thinks about that one podcast he listened to on how YouTube culture is meant to distract the masses so the alien overlords could take over easier. But right now he thinks the alien overlords could show up, burn his hotel room down and he wouldn’t give a rats ass. He wouldn’t even move from his chair. 

Because there you are, separated by millions of pixels and glass screens always. And fuck, you are beautiful and his heart now soars far out of his chest.

Dieter happily grabs from the snack pile he curated to perfection for this event. He mindlessly shoves cheezits into his mouth. The salty cheese snack is enough to finally snap him out of the trance you put him under and immediately type something in your chat. 

Streaming started off as a half joke to you. 

During the peak of the pandemic the boredom, as well as the ache to just connect with your friends, is what brought you to live video game streaming.

You had played a few rounds of Mario Kart before with online play. But to fully play multiplayer games over a livestream with your friends? 

That was how Twitch was introduced to you. 

“Let’s just use it to play stupid games together!” Your best friend argued over a voice memo.

Twitch became a simple fun time to play with your friends. You laughed on private streams and enjoyed chasing your friends around trying to figure out who was the killer in Dead by Daylight. 

Then your best friend had the crazy idea of uploading one of the livestreams into the main tag. 

“Dude we’re funny, you are funny! Why not?” 

“If you do that I’m hiding my face.” You vehemently told them.

Now here you are.

A full YouTube channel with 10K followers and doing a full on face reveal. 

If you had told the past you that your friend posting the nightly video game group hang out would have transformed into this, you would have probably passed out. 

But learning how to edit videos, gaining the confidence to post videos, straight up livestream with strangers, many who have now become dear friends since your Twitch days, and even finding friends among other streamers - all of this has led to where you sit now in your cozy gamer chair. 

Because here you are - halcyon ghost. 

And you are trying to keep yourself composed at witnessing chat go up into a whirlwind at finally seeing your face.

butterflybabe: GHOST?? U ARE GORGEOUS

ytgnfjkl: must avert my eyes from someone so pretty

JustCallMeSunny: UHH HAND IN MARRIAGE PLS

doodlenoodles: we gotta cancel ghost now for being too beautiful can we do that? 

khaki345: just proved to all of us those earth angel allegations are true pal

A childish urge to cover your face itches all over your body and you can’t stop smiling.

DB_Blaster: HEY! I knew ghostie would be lovely before everyone else did thank you! 

Then that comment has you smirking as you shake your head seeing the familiar chat name and Roger Rabbit icon. 

Outlandish, a bit eccentric, DB_Blaster appeared around a year ago. 

AJplays, your closest YouTube friend, advised that yes you can make great friends with a lot of subscribers and members. But you still always had to be careful.

“You don’t know who’s on the other side of the screen or chat ya know?” He had told you and you kept that in the back of your head, a silent awareness to always be just a bit careful.

And then DB Blaster weeks ago dropped a few thousand dollars during your livestream and you almost choked on your drink.

A year ago you made a discord server for channel members. There in a private discord chat you messaged the user who casually had donated enough money to make your head spin. 

Halcyonghost: did you seriously just drop 3K

DB_Blaster: excuse you I donated 5k  

Just as fast as he replied, he then donated another two thousand dollars.

DB_Blaster: do you need more? 🥺

You sent back a mess of screaming messages.

Most of them were confused and completely freaking out because who has the money to just drop thousands during a charity YouTube stream? 

Then this dumbass had the audacity to send you back a gif of Garfield shrugging.

After that you couldn’t help but want to find out more about this elusive DB.

Halcyonghost: so are you some sort of mob member? Is there a mobster actually wanting to watch some youtuber play animal crossing?

DB_Blaster: HAHAHAHAHA

DB_Blaster: holy fuck if only

DB_Blaster: but nah ghostie, I’m an actor 😇

That was the first time he said he was an actor and you rolled your eyes. 

Halcyonghost: okay sure, believe the mobster theory even more now 

“He might just be some rich sugar daddy type dude.” AJ told you over a voice memo.

That theory felt closer to being true than the possibility of a real actor messaging you. After that DB slowly began to message at weird times of the day. Once at two in the morning he wished you a good day and sent a link to a weird but super funny tiktok. You also always could count on him to send you some of the most outlandish memes. 

It was cute and endearing in its own way. 

Now as you sort through chat and let the screen load for Stardew Valley an alert pops up on your phone.

Discord Alert: new message 

You covertly go to check it on the desktop. 

DB_Blaster: oh sweet ghostie you have me on my KNEES

DB_Blaster: you are gorgeous 

DB_Blaster: not even Billy Shakes could do your beauty justice 

Your lips fight back a smile as you type your reply back.

Halcyonghost: Billy Shakes?

DB Blaster quickly sends you a glittering photo of William Shakespeare wearing sunglasses. 

You hold back a stupid little giggle and simply decide to jump into playing.  

On stream you run around like crazy trying to fish and end up facilitating a discussion about what maybe do next stream to change things up.

AJPlays: play another horror game you coward

“Don’t be rude!” You wheeze playfully at your friend’s comment. “But I’m open to playing more horror games.”

friedpickle: let’s watch a movie!!

“A movie live watch would be fun.” You offer. “Would be a bit hard since YouTube is ridiculous on copyright movie shit.”

The private discord message notification goes off again.

DB_Blaster: you watch anyone of my movies you wouldn't have to worry about copy right issues I’ld take care of it 

You decide to be a bit playful. 

Halcyonghost: you sure are serious about the whole actor deal huh? 

DB_Blaster: as serious as the Oscar I got 🫡

Now you can’t help but egg him on.

Playfully you reply with the ‘sure Jan’ gif and return to streaming.

The joy of carving out this little space on the Internet for yourself is being reminded how fun it can really be. Sure chat can be a little chaotic to keep up with sometimes, but the conversations are wonderful. It does stun you from time to time to get hit with the realization that real folks watch you, interact with your content and want to talk with you. A fond warmth blooms through your chest even as you frustratedly lose another fish.

That’s when you finally glance at the time on your computer screen. 

“Woah team, why didn’t you guys tell me it was this late?” You announce through a yawn seeing it’s about to be past nine.

“Well,” you begin a bit heartfelt and slowly bare your heart. You explain how you never thought you’d get this brave to become a streamer, much less show your face. You sincerely thank everyone who watches, interacts and makes this little nook of the internet so special for you. 

Chat blows up and giddiness overwhelms you at the response.

So many cute hearts and massive sweet messages.

AJPlays: LOVE YOU!!

sam maybe: nothing but love for you!

It’s all a beautiful reminder that yeah being online sometimes is good.

As you log off chat you reach for your phone. A few emails from work, texts from your parents, and a couple of alerts from discord wait for you. You check the main server chat first.

doodlenooodles: we should make this day a national holiday -national halcyon ghost face day reveal 

JustAshley: agreed 

An amused snort escapes you and you move to check the few private discord messages you have.

One is AJ screaming his demand for you to play another horror game along with sending a photo of his partner's sweet dog.

Then two messages wait for you from DB Blaster.

The first is a photo.

A very prestigious Oscar award gleams on a mantle. An opened bag of chips casually is crunched beside it. From how shiny it glistens in the light, the award looks official. Not believing it for a second though, you click on the photo to investigate. You zoom in on the award where the name can be made out even in the gleam of the light.

Academy Award Winner

“Hunger Strike”

Dieter Bravo  

“Wait.” You admit outloud.

Why did that name sound familiar?

You google the name and up pops the very handsome veteran actor. You suddenly remember the ads he was in for that Beast Cliff movie your best friend raved were pure delicious golden trash.

There is no way it’s that guy. 

Halcyonghost: That’s a good replica lol are you a big fan of his?

DB_Blaster: definitely not a replica and I guess you could say that lol 👀 

His profile name now made sense. This guy had to be a huge fan of Dieter Bravo. You could respect that. 

DB_Blaster: on another note! I’m glad you did a face reveal, you really are so attractive like wowza

A bit forward, you thought. But he’s quick to apologize.

DB_Blaster: shit sorry I don’t wanna be creepy

DB_Blaster: I just remember how nervous and hesitant you were about ever showing your face and now you getting to this point? rad as fuck 

A sweet appreciation unfolds over you fast, sweetening your teeth as if you had just taken a bite out of your favorite cake. 

This person has been with you for around a year now. So for him, along with all the other members that have stuck around, to recognize this moment is just as big of a deal for you as it was for them is incredible. The true depth of your emotions feel too big to be captured by words. 

Halcyonghost: aw shucks thank you

You explain how as nervous you were, by the time stream hit the hour mark everyone made it feel like you were back to streaming with your friends. You happily embrace that feeling

DB_Blaster: awww you like us! 🥹♥️

Halcyonghost: Of course! Everyone who comes to stream and interacts is what pushes creators like us & I never want to forget or take for granted anyone who views my work 

You were lucky and grateful for the sweet community that’s grown with you.

DB_Blaster: wow, pretty poetic and sentimental ghostie I like it

DB_Blaster: 🥰

You smirk cause it’s not even that poetic but you don’t have the energy to correct him. It’s getting late and you want to start heading to bed.

DB_Blaster: can I ask you something? Since you’re being sentimental and what not.

DB_Blaster: and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but I’ve always want to know

DB_Blaster: why did u get into streaming?

Why did you get into streaming and YouTube?

DB_Blaster: fuck shit I’m sorry if that was too invasive

He even sends a worried cat face picture. 

What a question to ask though. You thought you had discussed this on stream or even on a previous video before. Now you wonder if maybe you hadn’t mentioned it. All your friends knew about how you got to this point. They were the aid and the only reason why you got the push anyway. 

Halcyonghost: No worries its all good

Halcyonghost: guess like everyone else the pandemic kinda just pushed me to try new things, decided to play on twitch with friends on a private stream and then a few streams later my best friend decides to post it on a main tag and it blows up

Halcyonghost: then one brave fuck it decision later a YouTube channel is born and here we are lol

Halcyonghost: sorry if that’s not too exciting 

DB_Blaster: no that’s everything

DB_Blaster: it’s special knowing this turned into something meaningful for you it’s great  

It catches you off guard at how endearing the message is.

Halcyonghost: wow that’s real sweet thank you ♥

You mean that reply.

After you brush your teeth, you pass out in your bed forgetting to see if he replied back. Strangely enough, the image of a golden Oscar lingers in the back of your mind.

The beautiful moments of enjoying streaming, of getting to bask in how special this little outlet, are what you treasure. But those moments when work, life, clash with your little carved out corner it reminds you that sometimes you need to step away from everything for a bit.

Halcyon Ghost: hey guys, tough day at work today… going have to reschedule stream :( real sorry about this!!

The replies are sweet, reassuring along with some humorous ones. One comes from your mystery man on a private discord message. 

DB_Blaster: do you need me to take someone out? 

It’s enough to make you laugh and a relaxed ease melts away some of your stress. 

Halcyonghost: Tempting! But stand down Don Corleone

DB_Blaster, catching your godfather reference, sends you a gif of the classic ‘‘leave the gun take the cannoli’ scene. 

DB_Blaster: sorry work was so tough, anything I can do to help?

You thank him and explain how it’s just work stuff getting you down. Of course you make the joke about one day becoming a full time streamer because every little YouTuber at one point wonders about the life of having that as their job.

DB_Blaster: you should, I’d support you. No lie. 

You’re about to dig into the takeout you order and you’re thankful you didn’t take a bite because you would have coughed out a little laugh at seeing that message. 

Halcyonghost: Ahh yes forgot… talking to a scary rich mobster here lol   

He sends a gif of Marlon Brando’s Don Corleone and it does make you giggle. 

DB_Blaster: but seriously, you ever need anything

DB_Blaster: I know it sounds weird but pls let me know okay??

It’s oddly sweet. But of course you sharply remember how this guy donated thousands easily and it only intensely rattles your mind thinking about what kind of man this guy is. 

Halcyonghost: thank you ♡

Halcyonghost: so…what do you seriously do? Besides being a mobster obsessed with one random actor lol 

DB_Blaster: Rude!!

DB_Blaster: and I told you

DB_Blaster: I am a thespian ghostie babe 😎

He really is sticking to that. 

You want to poke fun but you also understood not wanting to discuss personal aspects. So you apologize for asking. He doesn’t reply for a full ten minutes and you now wonder if maybe you could be upsetting him. 

Discord alert: DB_Blaster sent you a voice message!

That new alert now makes you eve more worried.

You scramble to grab your headphones and you don’t know why your heart is hammering so much. You don’t hesitate to listen to the voice chat. 

“Ghostie.” The voice that greets you is pure smooth goodness. Thick, manly and older, and something feels as if it is being yanked out of your chest fast. 

“I swear I’m an actor.” He urges with a laugh. “Do you want me to send you my IMDB page? Or you know what, maybe this might help.”

The voice chat ends and you see the bubbles pop up suggesting he is typing a message in the discord chat.

A photo pops up.

The man in it is scruffy, a bit sleepy looking with bed head type hair. He holds up a peace sign and grins at you. This man is also gorgeous. Deep dark brown eyes and a sharp striking nose, for some reason his voice perfectly fits his features. 

His face again seems so familiar.

DB_Blaster: SEE! It me :) 

You can’t even reply to that yet.

You go back to googling the name that had first appeared when you saw that academy award.

Dieter Bravo.

The mess of paparazzi photos, screenshots from movies, to various interview clips, the man is the same as the one in the photo sent to you. 

This has to be a catfish. Someone really trying to keep their identity hidden and deciding to do some old fashion celebrity role play type deal.

You decide to do a deep dive. 

You check Twitter and find he’s not there any more. His Instagram is bare minimum and hasn’t seen a recent post since 2019. He has been included on a few TikToks. But to say that photo sent could be an older Instagram or Twitter photo Dieter Bravo took is too much.

You try turning your brain off from thinking about streaming or a possible catfish living in your messages. But curiosity scratches at you like an anxious kitten. There’s no way it could be the actual actor Dieter Bravo. 

Barely one episode into your favorite comfort series rewatch, you decide to check discord.

More messages wait for you. 

DB_Blaster: I know you think I’m lying

DB_Blaster: but I am not I swear! I vow on my life! 

DB_Blaster: if you feel comfortable enough you are more than welcome to video call me and see me with your own pretty eyes 😇

You want to scream.

There’s no way. But, what could you lose if you video chat with this person? Worst case? You drop the video call, block him on every account and pretend this never happened. Best case? You don’t even want to think about that because a best case feels so outlandish. 

Electricity hums through your veins and you sit up straight on your couch. 

You hit video call.

Loudly your heart hammers a vicious beat in your ears. The video chat rings twice. Someone answers.

There he is. 

Dieter Bravo, in the flesh, talking so bright and amused. His smile crinkles his deep eyes and the crisp light of his kitchen highlights his stunning features.

“Well well well, might have to call a paranormal investigator because I just made contact with a ghost!”

He talks first, so excited and haughty, and you can’t help it.

You hang up the video call.

Wild electrified clusters of emotions course through you so strong it feels as if your brain might shut down. 

Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter Bravo is a viewer of your channel and is who you have been chatting with.

You call him back. You have to make sure this is real and maybe not just a wild delusion.

Dieter Bravo again answers with the most Cheshire Cat pleased smile.

“Trouble with your wifi? I get it.” He asks so casually.

You really can’t believe it.

“You’re…you’re HOLY FUCK?” You scream.

Dieter barks a laugh.

“And here I was thinking I’d be the one freaking out.” He’s amused and it is so clear in the twinkle of those warm charcoal eyes.

“I told you I wasn’t lying ghostie!” Dieter urges excited. 

You could admit and testify that yes, known actor and academy award winner Dieter Bravo is not a liar. And also apparently, he is a fan of part time game streamers.

“I can’t believe it.” You mutter still stunned as hell.

“Believe it ghostie.” He replies swiftly.

“So how was your day before it got turned upside down?” He smirks proud. Even with that you find he is so casual and actually friendly? He mentions how his day went and how he’s excited to feast on the Taco Bell he door dashed. 

“How did…How did you even find my channel?” You breathlessly ask.

“Oh, we’re getting into the personal stuff already? I was hoping we’d get to that maybe by our second date but this is fantastic.” He replies back taking a bite out of the Taco Bell he told you he ordered.

“Oh my god.” You sputter out not even processing fully what he’s saying because this entire moment feels outrageous. 

He’s a celebrity. A full on icon who has been in the same room as Meryl Streep and here he is grinning at you like he’s won the lotto. 

“You know you’re even cuter than you are on stream. Really diggin’ the extra cozy vibes from my favorite cozy gamer.”

You wonder if maybe you should hang up on him again. 

“Let’s be serious here.” You huff. You just want to find out and piece together how this man found his way to you.

“Honestly?” He begins after taking a swig of a baja blast. 

“I had a bad break up a while back.” Dieter starts with a brisk and slightly detached voice. 

“Thought it’d be a long haul thing but…it’s whatever.” His voice drifts off as he moves to sit down. Dieter places his phone across from him so now it feels as if he is sitting across from you. The view gives you a full sight of his wild and vast Taco Bell haul. You also don’t miss the weed pipe resting beside his Baja blast. 

“Anyway, I was up late one night, couldn’t sleep. Went to look up a video about how humanity could possibly survive a kraken emerging from the depths of the sea, as one wonders about at three in the morning.”

A wild laugh almost escapes you, but you stay composed as best as you can.

“And then, the freaky as fuck YouTube algorithm decides to recommend me your video.” Dieter says.

“Wait.” Your voice sounds small, as if you’re afraid to shatter this moment. “Which one?”

You watch this handsome man’s face grow soft as his eyes look distant. He dives in to take a scoop out of his nacho pile and munch happily.

You already hate how attractive he is just eating. 

“It was the ‘I make a gay love cafe for my animal crossing villagers’ one.” His voice drips with evident fondness. For some reason though, just hearing the title of your video along with his soft voice does it for you. You start giggling. 

Maybe it’s the disbelief finally settling in or the exhaustion from the hard day you had, but you laugh and it aches your stomach. Dieter joins in thankfully laughing just as much as you are. 

It’s unreal, a twinkling moment you know you’ll never be able to capture again but it’s oddly wonderful.

“I guess you liked it?” You ask through a wheeze.

“Ghostie, I snorted a shit ton of coke just so I could stay awake till five am to binge all your videos.” He admits through a giggle.

“Holy shit!” You cough out a bit stunned at his reply.

“Well,” You manage to recompose yourself and even smile grateful because you are. “Sorry about the break up, those are always shit. But…I am glad you found my little video. Weird as that sounds.”

“It’s not weird.” Dieter reassures you and it knocks you breathless how directly he stares at you. You almost feel exposed. 

“It’s kismet, dear ghost.” Dieter tells you with so much eased simplicity it sounds a bit comedic. You can’t help but snort.

It might not be kismet but it was something.

Dieter and you end up messaging each other, constant and steady after that. He begins sending you pictures of the sky outside his LA apartment during his runs. One of them is a glorious tangerine lemonade sky.

DB_Blaster: sky kinda looks like a musty day old orange outside today, it’s kinda nice 

There’s a neighborhood cat he always gets excited to see and gladly sends you photos of the unamused white feline whenever he spots her.

You tell him about your day and you are surprised he balances asking about your videos and streaming to asking genuine questions about how you are doing. Interestingly enough you ask more questions about what video games.

“I’m a fucking killer at Mario kart. Love The Sims, the grim reaper is my roommate there.” Figures.

“One day I wanna play Mario Party.” He gladly tells over a voice chat. 

“Oh my god you’d be ridiculous at Mario party.” You snicker back. “And the sims…it fits you.”

“Thank you.” He proudly replies and it makes you grin so ridiculously.

Dieter Bravo is charming, but you know he is. You would never admit it to him but that night, that first night after you discovered Dieter was in fact DB_Blaster, you went on an entire Dieter Bravo interview deep dive. 

You watched how personable he could be with someone interviewing him. But you also witnessed the side of him that could be a real ass. There was an old Rolling Stone article you read briefly that described him as “an enigma of a man you’d run into at a bathroom and believe you fever dreamed the entire interaction” and that entirely described Dieter perfectly.

By the time your weekly night stream arrives, you can’t help but think of him. He promised you he would be present. 

“Ghostie I’ve only missed ONE of your streams and it was only because I was on shrooms and got explosive diarrhea. Not a good night for me.”

It horrified you hearing that but also had you holding back the giggles because the earnestness in his voice was so pure. 

Dieter Bravo is a pure enigma of a man for sure.

You decide to stream again with your face camera on to embrace the weight and joy of being known. And also because a secret, but very aware part of you, knows Dieter Bravo watches you. 

Your mind wanders to the photos of him at the academy awards. You honestly stared at those for a good few minutes because you could get over how much of a god he looked in his striking tux. 

You also think of the one day he video chatted with you. Obvious coke residue was dusted on his nose and he wore a Golden Girl’s shirt that had Cheeto dust on it. Even witnessing that side of him, a deep fondness and even deeper attraction for this chaotic cluster of a man infects you rapidly. 

Drop kicking those thoughts away, you jump into playing Tears of the Kingdom. A small discussion buzzes in the chat about which of Zelda’s outfits are the best. You go to check on chat and your heart jumps straight into your throat seeing the familiar user name now among the bunch. 

DB_Blaster: Ghostieeeee, my dear you are looking extra ethereal today 🥰 

A sharp heat spreads over your cheeks and a giddiness surges through you.

“Moron.” You snicker mainly to yourself even though you know chat probably caught it.

An alert pops up from discord. You click onto it quickly and find a private message. 

DB_Blaster: you’re adorable when you get flustered 

You are falling down a dangerously slippery slope for this dumb actor. Mentally you want to sink your fingers onto a ledge to stop yourself from going into a free fall.

You simply reply back with a silly nonsense gif because it’s all you can muster. 

Stream goes smoothly and you call it in early for the night. Another discord message awaits you and this time you already know who it’s from.

DB_Blaster: what’s the one thing you need the most for streaming?

That stuns you.

When you took the jump into streaming you promised yourself you’d only get the basics and nothing too expensive. Because sure, as much as you would love to spend a couple extra bucks on a better microphone, better software, or even a full time editor you had bills to pay, snacks to buy.

You simply reply back that better audio would be nice.

DB_Blaster: wait how do you buy better audio? 🗣️

You laugh and find it so easy to video call him now. 

When he answers, Dieter is not in his lavish LA apartment but a similarly lavish and sleek hotel.

“Hi ghostie.” He grins. 

“Wait where are you?” 

“Rude! Did you forget I had an audition for a new Broadway production?!” Dieter gasps hurt. 

“No, I remembered! I was just surprised you didn’t fly back home already.” 

He scoffs. “No way, and miss getting some New York pizza? Plus I’m lazy and just would rather deal with LAX tomorrow.”

As you snicker you decide to settle in for the night. Propping him up against your mirror in the bathroom Dieter suddenly gasps again.

“Am I in your bathroom?! We haven’t even gone on a proper date yet!” 

“I’m gonna hang up on you.” You smirk, shaking your head. 

A thought suddenly trickles in. You think of AJplays and a few other streamers who are now all your dear friends. There is a small but dear step it takes to see more of the person behind the youtube name.

So you take that step. You give Dieter your real name.

“You can call me that now.” You try to be eased with it as you go to wash your face for the night until you catch how direct Dieter stares at you.

He repeats your name, breathing it out on an exhale that sounds reverent. It galvanizes your heart into a dangerous spring. 

“Yup, that’s me.” You weakly reply.

“Your name suits you.” Dieter sincerely says. 

“Thanks. Halcyon Ghost is my middle name.” 

That makes Dieter laugh and you hate the excitement rushing in you from making him laugh.

Dieter Bravo is truly such a wild but interesting man. He has told you about the time he almost jumped into the water fountain at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. Then over a video call he softly revealed how he wants to create art, performances, that connect with people even long after his soul has passed into the next dimension. 

“S’why I got into acting.” He had said so simply. 

You can’t believe this strange endearing man now sits in your phone urging you to do a cliché beauty influencer talkthrough of your night time routine. 

You raise up your boring moisturizer with the peeling label in the way you had seen in TikToks and videos. However your lack of enthusiasm immediately has Dieter and you busting out wild giggles like school children trying to keep quiet in a library. 

Eventually you and him settle into a comfortable eased conversation.

“So you talked about audio earlier…what do you need for better audio?” Dieter of course brings that up again. 

“Eh, a better microphone, or some sound mixing equipment. But like I said, I'm good with what I have.” You are. 

“I could get you something nicer.” His voice echoes off the walls of your small bathroom and your eyes go wide.

“Uh no!” You chide him. “Please don’t buy me things!”

“Why?” He debates simply.

“Because…because I said so!” You sputter back. Because the thought of this gorgeous man spending money on you is making your knees want to buckle.

“Aren’t we friends? Friends buy each other things.” Dieter replies stubbornly. 

“Not new hundred dollar mics!” You fire back just as stubbornly.

“Oh they’re only a hundred dollars? Baby that’s nothing.” He scoffs. But the new nickname he so casually calls you rips a new heat through your body. It crawls up your spine and makes your throat going dry. 

You stay quiet not knowing what to say or not trusting what you might say.

“Did I upset you ghostie?” Dieter asks playful but the concern is there.

“No, I'm just tired.” You lie.

“Uh huh.” He doesn’t believe you for a second and you know it.

“Come on,” you grab him from his perch against your mirror and give him a sleepy grin. “Bed time.”

“Are you taking me to bed now, little ghost!? If I knew we were taking this step I would’ve ordered us dinner before!” Dieter exclaims again dramatically and over the top. 

You laugh in disbelief and settle against your bed frame.

“You moron.” You can’t help but sigh fondly.

“Yeah your moron.” He offers back gently. 

Was he slowly becoming yours, or were you just becoming his? All you can do is grin soft at him and shrug. 

“So, you wearing any cute underwear?” He flat out asks. You place your phone down and away from you on the blanket as if to put him in timeout.

Dieter barks a hilarious and loud laugh that fills your room with warm energy you can almost hold in your hands.

You pick up the phone and glare at him.

“You better behave.” You chide him with no malice because your mind is still trying to settle down from the question he asked. 

“I will, I will. I swear on my Oscar.” Dieter reassures. It only makes you roll your eyes. 

“Tell me why you picked your YouTube name, halcyon ghost.” He says your channel name with proper grand bravado.

It was October when you made the channel. Your thoughts immediately went to something spooky. You also explained how you always thought the word ‘halcyon’ was nice.

“So why not.” You finish explaining a bit anticlimactic.

“Did you know the word comes from some like Greek myth too?” Dieter offers then happily jumps in to retell it.

“Halcyon was the name of some bird. It had the ability to calm rough seas whenever it went to nest or some shit. It’s why the word ‘halcyon’ means tranquility and peace.”

Everytime you are reminded of how worldly and sometimes sagely this ridiculous man can be it knocks something solid through your chest. 

“That’s beautiful.” You admit. 

Dieter hums thoughtful. “Yeah.” 

His eyes suddenly flicker to unflinching look to you. It is just you and him staring so directly at each other. But you can’t hold his gaze for long. You blink away, not even truly focusing on anything. 

“So no true poetic meaning picking ‘ghost’?” Dieter asks now interested and curious. 

You laugh. “I mean, not really?”

You could probably do some deep analysis and talk about how as a creator, it’s easy to feel like a ghost when there is no interaction with the content created. 

You wanted to keep your face, your identity, a bit hidden so the ghost image fit.

“But you know how that went.” You joke.

He snickers.

“Ghosts also haunt things.” Dieter offers with a light tone.

“They do.” You nod.

“Would you believe me if I said you have been haunting me?” Dieter admits into the quiet space of your bedroom.  

Your heart trips, skips a beat and you try to control your face but it’s so hard when your eyes snap to his fast.

A moment passes with his wonderfully magnetic eyes again staring at you but now he seems to be waiting for you to say something, anything. Even over a simple video chat the atmosphere in your room thickens, becomes hazy, and it begins to sink beneath your skin. 

All you can do is nervously laugh. “I’d say that’s a good one and you should save it for chat.”

Humor, it’s all that you have sometimes. Plus, you don’t know if he is being serious or playful. It’s hard to find the hard line between the two when he’s an actor, a man known for putting up fronts. Because even though you now see him as a friend, there is still a strange space between you and him that you want to cautiously navigate. It feels like a deep river that if you take one more step into you might fall into a rushing tide. 

Dieter hums and you don’t miss how his eyes immediately lower a bit downcast.

“I’ll let you go for the night ghostie.” Dieter mutters. 

The tension does not leave your room even when the video calls leaves and it makes your skin crawl.

You are at a company dinner Friday night when the email comes.

“Hi Halcyon Ghost

Exciting news! Here is your invitation to this year’s VidCon held in Los Angeles California!”

It is a clash of two worlds and you can’t focus your excitement into anything without making one of your coworkers confused.

AJ already has messaged you screaming with his excitement over you and him receiving the same invite.

You and him already start screaming a plan to meet up and room together.

For some reason your mind jumps to Dieter. 

You want to tell him, want to freak out the same way you did when he proudly called you to announce he got the broadway part he auditioned for. He’s become such a strange but solid facet in your life it almost aches how badly you want him more than anything. 

Because you’re still at dinner you decide to message him quick and fast in discord. So fast you don’t even remember what you sent. By the time you return to your apartment you find a mess of messages waiting for you.

DB_Blaster: MY DEAR GHOST?? EXCUSE ME?!?!?!

DB_Blaster: WHAT A PRO! WHAT AN ICON!!!

DB_Blaster: 🎉C O N G R A T S 🎉 BABY!!!

DB_Blaster: GHOSTIE!!! CALL ME NOW!!

You do so eagerly.

“Uh hello?” He answers in a bad accent that you vaguely remember from that bad Cliff beast whatever movie. “Is this pro gamer halcyon ghost? Now famous VidCon invitee?”

You laugh is bright and loud and you don’t care.

“I can’t believe it!” You cry. “Me, AJ, and a few of our other friends got the invite! I mean it’s just an invite and it’s not much but-“

“No,” he cuts you off sharply and even frowns. “Don’t do that, give yourself credit. Your content is awesome as fuck and you deserve this!” 

Your face drops because he sounds so sincere.

He notices it too. Over the phone’s screen you watch as Dieters eyes flicker and scan over your face so intently.

“God I’m so fucking proud of you.” He breathes out and it makes your spine snap straight.

“Dieter…” you exhale and now catch that familiar shift coming in the air. Even over the video chat you again sense it, something brewing and becoming uncontainable, stretching thin as if it's a wire maybe about to snap. 

Then your phone rings.

You cuss sharp under your breath.

Your best friend’s hilarious photo pops up on your phone. You know the call is to congratulate you on the invite. But you know there’s something even more pressing here sitting in the air between you and Dieter. You don’t want to avoid it anymore. The elated energy, the buzz of the high, makes you want to face whatever this is head on, to dive right into whatever is brewing beneath the tides. 

Your eyes shoot an apologetic look to Dieter. An understanding but little crooked grin paints his features and makes him look so boyish. 

“Text me back or call me when you can.” 

Dieter hangs up and you already ache for the actor you’ve grown so deeply fond of.

The phone call with your best friend is wonderful, joyous, and you appreciate the support like this in your life. But it’s getting late and you can’t help but think about the actor still possibly waiting for you. 

So you grasp onto the exuberant energy still humming through your system. You harness it with all your might and immediately call him. You chide yourself for getting caught up in the excitement and not video calling him. 

Then Dieter answers.

“Ghostie?” He sounds wrecked, out of breath.

“Hi yeah, it’s me. Sorry, am I interrupting something?” You offer small and so worried now. 

Until he sighs and it sounds soaked in sex, so delicious and dangerous.

“Baby…” he sighs your name out and it has never sounded more sacred. 

“You gotta know,” Dieter whines. “You gotta know how much I want you.”

You are sent out of orbit. Your mind, your body, all melt as everything inside you ignites in a fierce flame. 

A few weeks ago you learned one of Dieter’s movies involved a heated sex scene.

After searching and finally finding the clip, it shot the strongest dosage of arousal through your body at a dizzying speed. You rewatched it an embarrassing amount of times, more than you even want to admit to yourself. You thought about how fierce and consuming he kissed his costar. And now those scenes vividly flash in your head, begging you to fall into the beautiful abyss creeping up below you.

“Dieter.” You reply a bit choked. 

The faint wet noise of his hand stroking his cock comes and it makes you swallow back a whine.

“Wanted you for so long, think about you all the time.” Dieter mutters in a trance. 

“I…” there’s so much you want to say, so much you want to discuss. But heat licks a blazing path through your veins. It makes your underwear sticky and so wet already. All those hesitations and all thoughts you had flutter away. 

“Don’t think,” Dieter coos like a soft siren begging you to join him. “Just feel, come on baby. Feel with me.”

So you do. Your hand slips greedily beneath your underwear and you feel everything right there with him in the warm glow of your bedroom.

Sunday night you are on a discord voice call with Dieter as he waits out his canceled flight.

After not talking to him all Saturday he was the one to finally break and call you first. You’re surprised you even answered. 

“I can hear you thinking ghostie.” Dieter hums amused.

It’s been on your mind this entire time since Friday, since the phone sex - the thought of whatever you and him are becoming, have now become.

“Talk to me.” He offers soft, soft like the way he wishes you good night over voice memos every night now.

“Do you think about how we have like…different layers? Like I know your job is literally about being someone else. And I understand you present yourself a certain way even in interviews and you aren’t even your true self there-”

“If you watch that one buzzfeed interview I did high I think you’d recant your words baby.” He jokingly interjects and you snort. 

“You know what I mean.” You gently return back to the thought you’ve been wanting to discuss with him. 

“And with me, I know I have layers of how I’m perceived online and I just…” your voice trails off now thinking you might be getting caught up in your words. 

“You think we’re both just caught up in the projected perceptions of the other huh?” Dieter muses. 

It again startles you how perceptive he is.

If there is anything that you would have not pictured Dieter Braver to be, it's perceptive. But he is. This is of course the same man who told you how he once drank a Baja blast out of a black licorice because he wondered if the flavor would change. But he’s also deeply intuitive, even a bit wise, and those traits shine so warmly now.

“Ghostie,” he begins and then says your real name. “Remember when I told you how I found your videos? How I said it was…wait fuck what did I say it was like?”

“Kismet,” you smirk saying the word.

“Yeah that’s it thank you baby!” Dieter cheers. “Okay anyway, I said that ‘cause it’s true. Your video was like…some damn lifeline I didn’t know I fucking needed. Finding you felt like I was returning from a haze.”

Confliction bubbles in you with an acidic wave. Pride, gratitude, and even deep admiration rise up all for him but it also strongly clashes with the fierce realist in you. 

“And then I got to know you.” He adds firm. “I learned what your favorite take out meal is. I still remember the story you told me about your most embarrassing moment. I learned about the movies you love and the ones you hate.”

Hours were spent discussing movies. You should have known any movie talk with an actor would result in hour long debate over which Lord of the Rings movie is best since Dieter swears it’s the first. 

“I know you.” He urges.

“I mean, I don’t know who your favorite teacher was and shit but I…I think I know you. You’re now not just the cute as fuck streamer who brought me out of my dumps. You’re someone who’s been brigtening the FUCK out of my life just from hearing you talk about what you plan to get at the grocery store.”

You don’t realize you’re on the verge of tearing up until you blink and find tears blurring your vision.

“Still can’t believe you donated that much.” You sniffle.

“Yeah but doing that let us all see your lovely face so ha.” Dieter replies haughtily.

“Look baby, let’s just keep getting to know and grow with each other, yeah?” He offers in a hopeful and warm tone that reminds you of a tangerine sunrise. 

“Yeah.” You agree and gently walk into that tangerine sunrise.

“Now will you let me buy you some new audio shit?” He asks in an annoying childish high pitch voice and the soft moment gets squashed. But it is pure Dieter. 

“You moron.” You choke out through an affectionate laugh.

“Yeah your moron ghostie!” He exclaims with all his might.

“Please tell me you did not just yell that in the middle of an airport.”

“Oh you know I’ve acted worse in an airport. That was nothing.” He scoffs.

You do know. Dieter explained, even sent articles, about how he ran around the Denver Airport once trying to see if there were actual lizard people in the tunnels. It’s why he is forever banned there.

Remembering that solidifies his words.

To know someone is a blessing, a privilege, even if the stories surrounding them are so wild and ridiculous. Maybe even more so with this man.

Because to know Dieter Bravo is to know he is ridiculous, wild, a bit eccentric, but entirely warm and heartfelt. 

You realize you never want to know a day without him. 

That thought blooms into firm wonderful roots that immediately grow in your heart’s chambers.

By the time VidCon approaches only a month away you, Dieter is now simply calling you over your phone. Discord voice and video chats no more. 

“So what are your LA plans?” Dieter asks while chewing through some jerky.

“Well AJ and I already got a room booked by the convention center so that’s my biggest relief.” You and AJ already had excitedly joked about maybe running into a celebrity. A part of you even now has to suppress giggling at just thinking about how you have daily phone calls with a known celebrity buzzfeed articles have deem ‘Sexy AF.’ 

Except right now said celebrity burps disgustingly loud in your ear.

“Dieter, gross.” You frown. 

“Sorry babe…Anyway,” Dieter bounces back quickly. “Want me to pick you up from the airport?”

You almost drop your phone.

“Honey what?” You wheeze out.

“I love it when you call me honey!” He gushes so obnoxiously. You’ve been calling him honey for months now and it never fails he says this every time.

“Focus Bravo.”

“Yeah okay,” he sighs. “As I was saying, let me just pick you up from the airport.”

The thought of finally seeing him in person freezes you. After months of doing the long distance thing, having incredible phone and video sex, everything now settles in you fast. From your excitement, to the fear of him actually seeing you in person-

“Ghostie.” Dieter breaks into your thoughts with a sing song like tone.

You sigh now “Sorry honey.”

Dieter giggles dreamily. “Honey.”

You sigh again. 

“Let me pick you up baby.” He suddenly purrs low as if he wasn’t just giggling like a lovesick fangirl a split second before. 

It would solve your issue about dealing with a ride share or even the horrifying thought of getting a rental. 

“Sure, why not.”

Dieter screams loud as if his favorite sports team just scored but Dieter doesn’t care for sports and you hang up your phone.

He simply now texts you: [See you at stream tonight babeyyy]

You playfully reply back: [not if i block you 😊]

He simply sends back a gif of a dumb minion blowing a kiss and you now really contemplate blocking him.

Later that night on stream, as you play the most recent Pokémon game, you see Dieter’s name pop up.

DB_Blaster: hello beautiful my ghost 

You hid your smirk behind the hand your face is leaning on.  

Chat of course ignores him while they excitedly continue to send encouraging words about the upcoming VidCon trip. A few members even eagerly hope they can run into you at the convention. It is exciting and reminds you of the exciting energy that awaits before a big vacation.

Then a chime comes from chat.

This one alerts you that someone sent a super chat, which includes a donation with it.

Your eyes readily flicker over to check and thank whoever sent it. Then your eyes almost pop out of your socket.

DB_Blaster - $900 super chat! 

“What the fuck!?” You can’t help but flat out shriek. 

Thankfully chat reacts just as wild.

butterflybabe: dude db_blaster can you like adopt me??

justAshley: I am manifesting this type of energy to find me oh my god

You scramble quickly to your phone to text him in all caps about what the fuck does he think he’s doing.

[Dieter: for ur mic and audio shit baby!]

[Dieter: Don’t think I forgot 🥰]

[Dieter: or for maybe a new vibrator hmm 👀????]

You swallow back the scream you want to let out and instead slam your phone back down.

Recovering fast you grin at the chat. 

“Don’t worry everyone, DB Blaster is actually my estranged rich grandmother, so let’s all say thank you to her! Thank you grandma!” You smile bright and wide on camera. 

Dieter straight up calls you in the middle of the stream and you can’t help it. You laugh and almost knock over your microphone. 

After scrambling for the days off, shoving everything into a suitcase, suddenly the month is over and you are landing in Los Angeles ready for VidCon. 

LAX is an experience, like a whole world encapsulated in one place.

There is a MAC makeup store, a Michael Kors and then a Jersey Mikes. You don’t want to wander around too much before getting lost in its depths. You can almost hear Dieter’s voice rattling off in your head, warning you not to get lost or else the alien creatures living in the airports will grab you and make you play monopoly with them like a scene out of a bad 80’s Sci Fi movie. 

Thankfully you don’t have to wait too long to actually hear his voice. Your phone rings and you rapidly scramble to answer it.

“Hello?” You breathlessly answer.

“Baby,” His voice is drenched in disappointment and so much heartbreak. “My ghostie…Fuck I’m so sorry I can’t make it.”

You knew he would be cutting it close with his photoshoot.

“Honey it’s okay I promise.” You reassure him but you still are a bit heartbroken. Your excitement escapes you like a deflated balloon getting caught up in the ceiling of the Los Angeles airport.

“I’ll make it up to you I swear!” Dieter urges with devout conviction.  

You know he will, in his own Dieter way and that’s enough to comfort you. 

The walk to the rideshare pickup area is solemn but you carry yourself and your luggage with gathered dignity. Thankfully your Uber driver is sweet and you enjoy the chat during the drive. She happily suggests restaurants and different bars to check out making the trip to the hotel not too bad.

Finding AJ already in the lobby waiting for you makes the journey even better. After the hilarious freak out for finally meeting, you now eagerly discuss dinner plans with him.

“Maybe we can go food truck hunting?!” AJ offers excitedly.

You agree with just as much excitement and move to open the door.

There in the room a full array of colors explode before your eyes. So many flowers cover almost every surface of the hotel room. Their arrangements are large and fan out with flair. From gorgeous deep crimson roses to colorful lilies vibrantly begging to be smelled, it overwhelms you but in the best way.

“Okay, what the fuck?!” AJ cries. “Is this because we’re here for VidCon?!”

You want to think it is. But the teddy bear almost the size of the hotel wall nestled happily in the corner says otherwise. Especially because the sweet bear rocks some cool bright neon sunglasses, wears an ‘I ♥️ LA’ t-shirt and has a rolled up white paper taped to his mouth as a mock joint. 

Your eyes however now go straight to the sweet little bundle of flowers, your favorite actually, that sit patiently on the coffee table.

A white folded note rests among the flowers.

‘Ghostie’ the handwriting is sleek but messy, scribbled fast but with intent. The sight of it already clogs your throat because it’s exactly how you’d picture Dieter’s handwriting.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it, hope this makes up for it! Don’t worry we’ll be together soon”

-DB

He even doodled a Sun wearing sunglasses with a heart beside it. Your own heart transforms into something light and buoyant. You worry about floating away at any moment. 

AJ of course freaks out over dinner when you tell him everything  As if summoned out from under a couch cushion himself, your non official-official boyfriend calls.

“Hello?” You answer with a warm grin and AJ eyes go wide.

“Is that him?” AJ mouths. You can only playfully shrug. 

“When I walked out of my shoot just now I knew LA looked and smelled brighter and it’s because you’re here.” Dieter says with so much awe that it overpowers his classic Dieter type comment. 

“Dork.” You smile so fond that AJ playfully makes a gagging face.

“When can I see you baby?” Dieter mutters in a sweet alluring tone that has something delicious crawling up your spine. 

You explain how you are at dinner right now.

“Dinner?! In your first night in LA and it’s without me?!” Dieter exclaims dramatically.

“It’s with Markiplier isn’t it? I knew it! Well tell him he’s only half attractive and that when I get there it’s over for his gamer ass!” He screeches.

“Goodbye!” You laugh wild and unbelievable. You cut him off quickly because goodness, what a beautiful hilarious force Dieter Bravo is.

“So I’m thinking I might get to enjoy a hotel room all to myself this trip huh?” AJ comments playful and with a teasing smirk.

“Maybe!” You reply weak but you know the truth grows in your bones. It only solidifies when you text him to meet you at the hotel.

You want to spend as much time as Dieter will allow. You want to see his apartment, want to find that sweet cat he always takes pictures of during his runs. You want to enjoy and let yourself soak in the bliss of just being with the one man who has been lighting up your life.

[Dieter: heading over, see you soon ghostie 💘]

The text electrifies you faster and brighter than any strike of lightning could. Then, as you sit on the couch waiting for his call, your phone rings and you almost jump out of your skin.

“Yeah honey?” You answer breathlessly. 

Quickly you open the door to rush to the elevator only to find Dieter Bravo standing there on the other side.

This moment has filled your daydreams more than you would ever admit. You wondered if this first meet would be some cinematic moment. You originally hoped this would have happened at the airport. You even pictured it a very sweet indie movie type way where the love interests finally meet at a place where so many paths cross and are brought together.

Yet here he is. 

The man who’s filled your heart with so much humor and affection that right now it swells to the point you wonder if you might burst. 

Dieter’s face falls in complete awe.

He hangs up the phone and before either of you can say anything he moves in quick steps. He swiftly sweeps you into his arms.

Dieter kisses as if you might disappear. His mouth is warm, tasting faintly of ice coffee and a shot of desperation. It makes you melt into him. You clutch his Los Angeles Lakers sweatshirt as you kiss him back with everything you have.

The months, the build up, it all led to this.

As fast as he kissed you, as fierce as he licked into your mouth, suddenly Dieter gently cradles your face. He pauses for a split second and then he is kissing you so softly, so light.

Dieter kisses your lips gently, once twice, before moving to kiss the corner of your lips, the top of your cheek. He finally kisses your forehead and the tenderness overwhelms your senses.

“You’re here.” Dieter breathes out.

“You’re here.” You choke back.

Dieter pulls away and grins a molten sleepy thing that touches his eyes. 

He is everything you have dreamed of and then more.

When he pulls you into his arms, simply to just hold you, you squeeze him back with all your might.

“No more screens separating us, ghostie.” Dieter coos affectionately into the top of your head.

No more screens indeed.

As if Dieter himself is a real ghost, he spirits you away from the hotel room. You think your laugh and his still hang in the hallways of the hotel.

“Okay, are you sure you want to do this?” You ask hesitant.

“Yes ghostie, this is the fifth time you’ve asked me. Should I remind you again that I’m the one who suggested this and got excited when you said yes?” Dieter scoffs as he settles into the seat beside yours.

Your heart hammers loud in your ears. You’ve never done this. Hell knowing you’re doing this with him feels even more terrifying. 

“Hey,” Suddenly his warm larger hand moves to squeeze yours.

Your eyes flicker to Dieter. He is the picture perfect example of ease and you know it’s not the edible he took because it already wore off after he picked you up from VidCon. 

“If you don’t feel comfortable then no worries.” He reassures you effortlessly. You can’t help it. You lean over and kiss him soft, appreciative. 

It’s been so easy to fall into place with him. 

He kisses you back more and more. You’re about to pull away until he breathes against your lips. 

“Move here, move in with me.” 

Your eyes snap open wide and you scramble away from him.

“Dieter WHAT?!”

“What!?” He cries back just as loud. “I thought that might take away the nerves and give you something else to think about and then the words just kinda flew out!”

Your damn chaotic but so sweet boyfriend…

You exhale feeling the old nerves now transfer into this new topic and you suppose Dieter’s plan did work in a way.

“Ghostie,” Dieter urges. “Talk to me please.”

A silence settles between you and him. 

“You want me to move in with you?” Your voice is small, barely able to process the words yourself. Your eyes flicker to Dieter. He stares at you with the cutest worried face. 

“Baby if I had it my way you’d quit your job, live here with me and live off my money until you get sick of me. You’d be here and do whatever the fuck you want for as long as you want.” His tone is soaked with sincerity as he answers without hesitation, without doubt. 

“I just wanna come home to you. Wanna see your moisturizer in my bathroom. I want to get into fights over which Pringle’s flavor is best,” Dieter continues so earnest. “It’s the shrimp cocktail flavor by the way.”

“It’s not.” You reply with a sniffle and Dieter smirks affectionately as his thumb strokes your hand.

“Just…think about it, okay?”

It’s a lot to process but hope swirls and swells in your chest. It speaks more than you can at this moment. All you can do is lean forward to kiss him fiercely and true.

Dieter kisses you back softer.

“Come on ghostie,” He mutters against your lips. “Don’t you have a stream to get to?”

“Guess this is why celebrities don’t date fans huh.” You mutter. 

Dieter busts out laughing at your comment and you join him feeling bright and limitless. He yanks you into his arms and kisses you multiple times now, all loud and relentless. For the finale he blows a raspberry on your cheek making you laugh even louder. 

If you are his ghost, you think he might be your halcyon. A strange beautifully colored bird that seems mythical but one that brings you so much sweet peace among the waves. 

“Alright come on let’s do this.”

You jump onto stream and warmly smile as Dieter sits besides you.

Warmly and as casually as you can you greet everyone while also explaining the elephant, or this case academy award winning actor, in the room.

Chat rapidly explodes. 

socallie: Dieter bravo?? DIETER BRAVO IS THAT YOU?

butterflybabe: holy shit is that actor dieter bravo?

floatify: Gio from Cliff Beasts I’m ur biggest fan  

soupjuicy: DIETER!!!! WOWOWOWOW I LOVE YOU!!!

svdbeau: Uh? HOW? EXPLAIN PLS??

gammagamma: This is the crossover I didn’t know I needed, this is my endgame

dreamfairy95: wait who is this guy

AJPlays: heeheeheee 

A j’s comment has you snickering. It’s enough to release the nerves and let you settle in. Unseen by chat or the camera Dieter rubs your knee fondly and a bigger smile tugs at your lips.

You explain that, since it’s VidCon, you thought to try something new and have a friend join. You don’t even have to see Dieter to know he’s smirking like the damn cat that caught the canary.

His agent and manager both loved the idea of him doing a surprise stream. 

“Apparently it would be a great way for me to ‘connect with the youth.’” He told you even using air quotes. “Like fuck, I get it. I’m old but hey I’m hip! I can hang!”

That was enough to have you agreeing in a fit of giggles. And after you accepted, then after he fucked your brains out, Dieter warmly told you this was a new fantasy he didn’t even know he needed. 

“Finally getting to have fun with my baby while playing games? That’s a dream come true ghostie.” 

You find now that maybe it’s a secret dream for you too. Finding someone who wants to sit beside you and cheer you on, who wants to enjoy this silly endeavor that’s become so important to you is a tender dream you want to cherish. 

Just thinking of it makes you reach down secretly to quickly squeeze his hand. 

“I came here to immortalize myself on the internet as one of the best Mario Kart players ever.” Dieter suddenly speaks and instead of it startling you, a surge of reassurance washes in.

You’re here with him. Who would have thought? Because instead of feeling overwhelmed at the thought of celebrity Dieter Bravo here, it’s simply your boyfriend, Dieter.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Dieter announces with competition and confidence beaming in his voice. “And yes my Mario Kart main is Birdo because I stan a queen in this household.”

He is a natural, effortlessly interacting with chat and laughing so easily with you. 

By the time you realize he’s beaten you twice on Bowser’s Castle, you find you never want to leave this moment. 

Because this moment? It is a bit ridiculous but wonderful. It reminds you of tasting a sour candy that makes your face pucker so tight but the taste is incredible and makes you only want more.

And you do, you want more moments with Dieter.

“Fuck YEAH! VICTORY! Eat my ASS BOWSER!”  

As Dieter screams excitedly, throwing his hands in the air and even doing the weirdest wiggle victory dance, you think you might be the real winner in this game.

[zaebeecee]

Hi Zae! Okay, so like ... I'm only saying this because it's been on my mind for a while ... And I just saw something, and it just hit me, and I'm on anon because like, I just have something to confess and it has something to do with Hazbin Hotel's voice cast and it's kinda harsh and I don't want people to think I'm mean, but like ... okay. So? That whole like sketch about "How Allosexuals treat Alastor" and your post about "Allosexuals breaking in and knocking over the plants? I can't stop thinking about it because I've felt like this is *EXACTLY* how Alastor's own (Allosexual) voice actors tend to treat him and talk about him though? And like, they maybe even set a precedent for this behavior? And it's annoying? Like, I love Amir but one thing I will say in Bosco's favor is that Bosco seemed to lean into to the "fan service" aspect a bit more than Amir does and I even noticed that like, um okay so like, in the little clip that goes around of Blake discovering RadioDust for the first time, Amir just kinda gives off this little "disappointed parent oh no no face"? Like he doesn't even wanna entertain the thought? But then he kind of gives in and is like "okay, I guess...:" when other cast members started talking positively about it, but he originally looked for a split second like he was about to scold someone or give a little lecture or something and to me that was just like: "My guy, I love you but at least Half of this fandom was built on RadioDust fanservice for the past five years, know your history! What are you doing???" Anyway, what I'm getting at is that sometimes, when I see the "allosexual breaking into your house and knocking over plants post, I want to reblog it and just be like "This is Amir Talai, though." And then I feel sort of bad. Should I feel bad? I don't think I can watch any Hazbin Hotel Cast clips on youtube without being lowkey annoyed anymore. Like, of course I still love them but I don't know...

Oof. Yeah, my friend, I totally get where you’re coming from. And this is just my personal opinion/reflection on the topic, but I feel like this is a case (with Amir personally) of having absolutely zero fandom experience of any kind before taking on the role that he did, as well as what happens when an allo who knows nothing about being ace tries to stay true to an ace character.

tl;dr because I kind of tend to ramble: I really think all we can do is speculate, since we don’t actually know Amir; but also, I don’t think you should feel bad about having a negative reaction to an allosexual speaking over ace people about an ace character, even if he is the voice actor and seems to be a decent person.

First off: no. I don’t think you should feel bad about looking at that and going “Amir Talai though”. It’s the energy he’s putting off, and it’s not your fault that it’s his actions that are pulling that response out of you.

I think Amir has, ultimately, good intentions when it comes to portraying Alastor as accurately as possible. But judging by his past tweeting and the (admittedly hilarious) list of things he’s had to Google since becoming Alastor’s voice, it’s very clear that he does NOT understand what fandom is all about. And he does seem to genuinely be trying! The Zoom call with Blake is particularly telling for all of them, because Amir was very “oh fuck” and Blake was very “OMG DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS AN OPTION??? :D” when, like you said, RadioDust kept the HH fandom alive for four years. Clearly, none of them actually dove into the fandom prior to the project, and I’m hoping that further exposure to the fans might help. As long as they’re not the same as the “we’re going to bully Joel Perez because we hate Valentino” people.

(Also, on Amir’s reaction there, I have no idea if it was “but Alastor is asexual and shipping him is BAD” or if it was “Blake what are you doing bringing this up now people are gonna get mad”, which… with certain people, particularly that very mean vocal minority in the HuskerDust community, is a valid concern. But he and Blake seem extremely close, so I’m not sure Blake would have put him on the spot publicly if he knew Amir would have a genuine negative reaction. But idk, this is all speculation on people I’ve only seen in panels and stuff like that.)

With Amir being allo… I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he has publicly apologized for misrepresenting Alastor’s ace spectrum in the past which does suggest that he’s listening to people, but it’s really on him to actually talk to asexual people so he has examples of real experience to draw from. So many people think that asexual automatically means sex repulsed and aromantic automatically means romance repulsed, and because of that, I can understand why Amir came into this with those assumptions. But since he IS so dedicated to the fans and he genuinely loves playing Alastor and wants to be as true as possible to him, he needs to stop looking at asexuality from an allosexual perspective. I haven’t seen anything at all recent from him on the subject, so his perspective could have changed?

But I don’t think you should feel bad about having a negative reaction to the way he’s choosing to react to ships. He is speaking over ace people, whether he realizes that he’s doing that or not, and that isn’t okay. And honestly, having that negative reaction is a good way to call attention to the problem, because if he knows the ace umbrella community has a problem with his black and white perspective on this, I think he’s more likely to listen to us. If part of your hesitation is that you like Amir (which, admittedly, is part of mine), it’s genuinely okay to like a voice actor in general and still be mad at them/criticize them for an aspect of their character interpretation, because ultimately Alastor is our representation, not his. And it matters more if a demisexual/grayaro wants to depict Alastor as their type of aspec than how an allosexual thinks asexuality should be.

On a related note, my husband and I are taking a RadioDust cosplay to a convention later this year, and both Amir and Blake are going to be there, so we’re hopeful we can tell both of them that we’re both aroace spectrum, married, and huge devotees of the ship (both because we’d like to help reinforce the fact that Blake himself is on board the ship and because Amir desperately needs help). idk if it’ll do anything but maybe it’ll at least get him thinking more critically about it.

[zalrb]

y'know I've been seeing the phrase 'chemistry' thrown around a lot lately. like it happened with rob and Zoe with the batman (2022) which you already talked about, it happened with the little mermaid live action (which you also commented on), and now with that new hunger games movie -> everyone is raving about the 'chemistry' between the leads (I haven't seen so I can't really comment). but it just makes me think: is it 'chemistry'? or is it just two hot people on screen breathing the same air?

I think that the word 'chemistry' is overused, do the general audience even know what 'chemsitry' really looks like anymore? I mean yes casting directors still have their actors do 'chemistry reads' but...? I say this because I think back to the posts you made about both rob and Zoe, Halle and Jonah, and now tom and Rachel (from the new hunger games movie, not sure if you will watch). all those actors performed chemistry reads with another for their respective movies, and you would think since the directors saw that chemistry then they must have it right, but after going through your blog, I've been more confused. do directors really look for chemistry, or do they just say "these two look good together, that should be enough to sell the movie"? cause they kinda have a point if that's the case.

I'm sorry I know this ask is like all over the place, but your blog really helped open my eyes, I guess I'm just tired of seeing the word 'chemistry' be thrown around at every 'hot ' couple that graces our screens. guess I would just like to know your thoughts on how the definition of 'chemistry' has changed since the early 2000s media?

sidenote: idk if you're going to watch the new hunger games but, I personally don't think the 2 leads have chemistry. I've only seen clips but from what I've seen they're just mostly 'longing' gazes between them and heavy breathing? I will say that the guy that plays snow is doing the more heavy lifting in scenes with Rachel. for Rachel, this probably just me but I feel like she was miscast for the role (according to sources she did not have to audition, it was just offered to her). in some scenes it does look like she was trying too hard, like she was struggling with some of the emotional beats. its almost as if she was 'insecure' in this role, and that her acting ability was not strong enough to handle the emotional weight of this film, if that makes sense? I would like to know your opinions/thoughts if see the film or watch some clips

OK. So.

First of all, I would like to see the actual chemistry tests and wish they were available because when I watch Sam and Cait's chemistry read, for instance, I'm like, it's obvious that they were going to be lightning in a bottle. LOOK at them.

This makes absolute sense.

So, I wanted to find another chemistry read soI literally just typed it in on youtube and saw TSITP and how they did it over Zoom and then before I watched it, to make sure that that actually happened, I looked it up and the author was like,

"It was the first chemistry read I had done over Zoom and I was like, 'I don't know if this is going to work?'" Han exclusively told E!. "Obviously, it's more enlightening to be in a room with people and see how they connect and see how they look together and what the energy is. But when Han saw Tung and Briney together for the first time, she knew she had found her Belly and Conrad. It really felt like it was popping off the screen right away," she raved, "honestly."

and then I watched it and was like, OK if you think these people are your characters then who am I to tell you they aren't, you wrote them, but were they popping onscreen, though? Were they really? And watching this and then watching the show had me like, no wonder why they frustrated the hell out of me, there's nothing here.

The most I can say is that Chris seems to be a marginally better actor when he's not actually physically interacting with Lola and it actually seems like what was popping onscreen was that they were both exactly who she thought her characters would be like as individuals, but alas, that's just my interpretation of what happened there.

And then there's the chemistry read for To All The Boys I've Loved Before and I watched it like, Noah is charming in it and he's natural and Lana is... keeping up, they're comfortable enough but I wouldn't say there's vibing, it's pretty forgettable, which is what I said about their chemistry in the movies

so I was like, yeah this chemistry read makes sense for what I saw onscreen because it was fine but i wasn't great, it still felt staged and I forgot about them and the movie(s) right after I finished watching it.

So, when directors talk about the chemistry reads I'm like, I want to know what they looked like. Are they Outlander or TSITP?

but it just makes me think: is it 'chemistry'? or is it just two hot people on screen breathing the same air?

And this has always been something I've posed to anons when I used to argue about chemistry.

Do you just like the dynamic?

Are they just attractive?

Does she just have big eyes?

Those seem to be the three questions I asked a lot and I'm inclined to believe that now, directors look for the people who they think look good together and will sell their show/movie based on that because the internet's going to do the rest. Like, initium kept sending me these tweets about the AMAZING. INTENSE. HOT. chemistry between the Bridgerton leads

and I was like ... oh yeah, that fist bump screams sexual tension. Please be serious. Like, Tony and Kerry didn't have chemistry reads and they kind of just hoped for the best but when Shonda talks about how she literally had to leave the stage watching them film something

it's earned in what I'm actually watching onscreen.

I also feel like now, if one person has the intent, and if one person is carrying the dynamic, then that's considered chemistry and it's sufficient.

In terms of seeing the Hunger Games, I know my mom really wants to see it because Viola Davis is in it and I was like, you know she's probably going to be in it for like 3 minutes "I don't care!" so it's probably going to happen sooner or later. I can't find any clips of them just edits and I have a rule about edits.

[sherrachan]

My Honest Review of the Netflix ATLA Live-Action

I've seen a lot of negativity around Netflix's new ATLA live action, so as someone who has been both a fan of the animated series since it first aired, but also found a lot to love in the live action despite its flaws, I wanted to write a few (hahaha) words showcasing a non-indignant review from that perspective. I've decided to highlight three categories: what I thought it got right, what I'm neutral or biased about, and what it did not do well. And just to be VERY clear, I absolutely support anyone's right to like or dislike whatever they please for whatever their reasons are. However, if you are going around harassing, threatening, or body-shaming CHILD actors, who are in fact actual people and not fictional, please do everyone in the world a favor and remove yourself from the internet. There is literally no show on Earth bad enough to justify that kind of behavior.

For anyone not interested in reading the full review, my overall rating: 6.9/10

Let's start with what went right...

Zuko

I. Love. Dallas. Liu. This is not to remotely downplay the fact that I also love Dante Basco. From what I've gleaned from interviews, it seems they had even collaborated on his performance via Zoom calls, which I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for. I've noticed a lot of blind reactors to the animated series initially find Zuko annoying and one-dimensional for most of the first season. Though this is not entirely in line with my own opinion, I can't deny that his extra depth in season 2 came a bit out of left field even to me back when I watched the series as it aired between 2005-2007. Dante himself has said he was not given any foresight into his character and thought he was playing a straight villain at first, so he accordingly acted a straight villain. Thus, contrary to some other naysaying I've seen, I don't think it was a bad decision at all to showcase Zuko's more vulnerable side sooner. Speaking of that vulnerable side, Dallas I believe has an amazing career ahead of him. In spite of some clunky writing, he manages to both sell most of his lines in an intense way I completely buy, and also he just has this amazing ability to telegraph whole paragraphs with tiny fractional changes to his facial expression even when he's not speaking any dialogue. That my friends, is called good acting. I felt his scream of rage at Zhao during episode 8 through my entire body. He has a way of capturing both Zuko's petulant teenage angst and the still-a-child energy of being stupid and needing a guiding hand from his uncle. His and Iroh's chemistry and bond was probably the single biggest highlight of the series for me. Perhaps only rivaled by the extra bit of interaction between him and Aang in episode 6, which quite literally had me sobbing and smiling at the same time, and between him and Ozai where he was banished, which just had me sobbing. I cannot emphasize enough just how well his anguish is translated on his face without a single spoken word.

Dallas is also a skilled martial artist who did most of his own stunts, and visually, it is a treat to watch him perform in that aspect as well. The Aang/Zuko spar in episode 3 had some big Jackie Chan energy and I was smiling ear to ear the entire fight.

Iroh

This I know will be a less popular opinion, but Paul Sun-Hyung Lee I think brought a very nuanced performance to Iroh. While nothing can ever replace Mako's place on the most beloved character performance pedestal, I think it would be disrespectful to attempt to only replicate that performance and would come off as a caricature. Dallas and Paul had not met in person until the day they began shooting, so it takes an episode or two for them to shine as a duo, but shine they do very early on. The same clunky writing that plagues everyone's performances here and there finds no exception with Iroh, but I disagree with opinions I've seen of him being stiff and/or fake.

I feel his stiffness is being intentionally leaned into in a way that's supposed to highlight the idea that maybe Iroh is using his jovial nature to mask his pain over losing his son and worry for Zuko. It makes sense in the darker context of the live action, as we see even more clearly that he could very well have been as much of a butcher as that one Earth Kingdom soldier said he was. There's a scene in episode 4 of him while captured by the Earth Kingdom soldiers where this soldier singles him out over personal vendetta for killing his brother during his siege. While holding a massive rock over his head in rage over Iroh's seemingly uncaring attitude towards his atrocities, it is my interpretation of that pointed stare-down between the two that Iroh was trying to play the part of the villain that guy so desperately wanted to see in him. You could see Iroh's actual pain break through on his face immediately after everyone's back was turned. Thus begins the first of a series of flashbacks that ruin absolutely everyone's tear ducts, where Paul showcases just how sincere his Iroh can be. The added scenes between him and Zuko and Ozai peppered throughout I think make this series worth a watch by themselves. In my head, I've already adopted them into canon. As for where our truly laid back Uncle Iroh is to be found, though his narration in episode 6 about the "mask being who you truly are" was directed toward Zuko, I tend to think that will eventually pay off as true for himself, too.

Ozai/Azula/Zhao

Speaking of Mr. Fire Lord and family, Ozai has become a lot more interesting as a character to me when he's given a shred of humanity. Though we don't yet have the full picture of his motivations, you see that tiny grimace of regret as he burns Zuko's face after their Agni Kai, and I am intrigued. Again, this is not to downplay Mark Hamil's incredible performance in animated, but from a writing perspective, I've always found Ozai rather a cartoon cutout (pun intended) of an evily evil man who just wants to rule the world. Watching the cogs spin behind the scenes at the palace this early on has really added some extra layers for me. Azula benefits from this as well, as you see Ozai pitting the siblings against each other to see who will emerge the "better" heir. Zuko's motivation may subconsciously be geared more toward regaining that shred of humanity from his father moreso than his approval, in spite of what he says to himself and the viewers. But Azula is most definitely going for that approval, and I think beautifully sets up her eventual downfall into paranoia and gives them an even more tangible dichotomy in my opinion.

Ken Leung plays Zhao as a slimy little bastard in this version and clearly loved doing so. Though I was initially sort of raising an eyebrow at it, I've since decided that I am 120% in. Watching him claw his way to the top with Azula's help and piss all over anyone in his way has been extremely entertaining. I'm not even going to pretend Jason Issacs wouldn't ham it up that much, because we all know he would. In all seriousness, I think he strikes an impressive tightrope walk of being over-the-top without being too over-the-top, though I'm sure that is partially a matter of taste. I'd love to capture even half of his energy and doll it out to some of the rest of the cast, to be honest.

Omashu, Bumi, and Colliding Plots

Though I am well aware the way multiple animated show episodes' plots were smushed together was done to save limited runtime, I actually think this was very well executed in Omashu. Everyone still retained core aspects to their characters and they played nicely off each other to make one bigger plot that spanned 2 episodes. It comes down to a trade-off in either making the world feel bigger by having more side quests, or making Omashu feel more important. Though I am still undecided on if that trade-off was worth it, I can't deny that for what was done here, it played out very well. Not as well in the episode 5/6 attempt, but as episode 6 is my overall favorite episode starting at the Blue Spirit stuff, I'll leave the rest in the neutral category. Bumi's characterization specifically I know is controversial here. What I will say is that I've seen an equal number of blind reactors to the animated show who are utterly put off by his attitude as there are those that completely loved him, and literally nothing in the middle, so at least it's consistent in that regard. Personally, I find his more jaded (pun intended again) attitude suited for the tone the live action series is going for. That is to say, I think he works in the context of this version of the story, and neither would fit in if swapped. Fighting the same war and being responsible for all the lives affected by it for 100 years would damage anyone's mental health. While I personally think by the end of episode 4 that they are setting him up to tee towards a more positive outlook reminiscent of his original counterpart, I still find his attitude in the live action justifiable. I never personally found Bumi all that compelling in the animated series when he was first introduced, though I grew to love him as the story progressed and they gave him just a bit more serious dialogue. I will get into my reasoning on that later, in a more general sense.

I loved the incorporation of elements from the other media. I was incredibly shocked when The Mother of Faces name was dropped, and then again when I recognized facets from Korra, other comics, and the novels. I also loved the early focus on some of the other Avatars besides Roku, though I do tend to think Roku himself got a bit shafted, at least as it stands now. While it remains to be seen if he eventually gets the attention he deserves, seeing more of Kiyoshi and Kuruk really added to the depth of the lore for me. One of the biggest arguments I see against the live action is that it doesn't add anything to the story, to which I can only disagree. There would be no point to watching purely a 1:1 remake, and I feel that all of what I'm remarking on in this positives category is proof that I did take away many new things, some of which I treasure dearly now.

Koizilla and Yue

One of my biggest peeves with blind reactors to the animated series is them, more often that not, not grasping the significance of Aang merging with the Ocean Spirit, if they even recognize that is what happens in the first place. You'd be surprised just how many are unclear to this fact and just think it's Aang being a badass, or even that he's the one who drags Zhao under the water, in spite of the fact that you can see La set Aang down before doing this. It happens so often, I can't write it off simply as all these different people being unobservant. Whether you want to blame the writers, or Nick's censorship, or the runtime, or whatever else, it just isn't conveyed clearly enough in the animation. Though with little to back up my theories, I was always under the impression that this merge was involuntary on Aang's part, and he was not in control, which is partly why he was so terrified of the Avatar State going into season 2. Going by the live action's take, I have to walk that back a tiny bit in the sense that it is explained Aang offered himself up, but I admit to feeling vindicated with the rest.

I think the live action did better justice to this merge overall. I know I will get dragged for that, but between the added emotional weight, the screentime and (clearly most of their) budget for Koizilla, and giving Yue more of a personality, I'm happy we clearly understand what's going on and her sacrifice. Granted, her dialogue is perhaps overly exposition-y, and yet I cannot complain because evidently there was not enough exposition in the animated series to drive it home the way it did here. In a personal anecdote, my husband who watched the animated series with me but remembers nothing of it because that's just how he is, liked this final battle the best out of any episode for most of these reasons.

Speaking of Yue, Amber Midthunder did an amazing job with what she was given. No, her writing (once again my main complaint) was not the best. Her wig was wigging. I still didn't quite buy her and Sokka's attraction. But through sheer force of the actress' charisma, Yue as a standalone character transformed into someone I actually gave a shit about, which is not something I can claim of either of her previous portrayals. I like that she had more agency for herself, I like that Han wasn't just an unlovable moron there to make her sad, I liked her being a Waterbender and using all that power to make ice cream (I sure would,) I liked her dying with a tearful smile on her face. So sue me.

Onto the neutral...

Sokka

NOTE: I won't be mentioning Ian's controversy surrounding his heritage here, simply because nothing has been proven one way or another and I'd rather just not get into it with only speculation to go on.

Sokka overall I think does the heavy lifting for the Gaang in this version. As mentioned several times by now, everyone suffers here and there from questionable scripting, but as with Yue, Ian Ousley's natural personality shines through plenty enough to sell it. I KNOW people love Jack De Sena and his humor and comedy delivery, heck, I love these in Jack De Sena too. I don't think it would work nearly as well in this version of the world without being total and utter tonal whiplash. Ian brings a grounded quality to Sokka while maintaining a biting sarcasm that I think still earns his place. Additionally, I found myself getting emotional at a number of his scenes, and can personally really relate to his anxieties about not being able to shoulder all his responsibility. Hence why this goes into the neutral category, I can't deny some personal bias here because of that connection.

When talking about episode 2 specifically, and the removal of his overt sexism, I have to be biased again. For the same reasons as I mentioned in Bumi's bit that are coming up, I never found this aspect to be anything other than cringey. From a storytelling standpoint, after episode 4 of the animated series, it ceases to even really be an overt thing anymore, bringing it instead to the level where it is in the live action, so I don't even think it's really that significant of a change. As to what I mean by where it is in the live action, Sokka's arc still tackles internalized misogyny, I think. Toxic masculinity can harm the bearer of it just as much as it can harm those externally affected by it. For anyone wanting to argue me on this point, I have been a firsthand witness to both my husband and multiple male-identifying friends who have been irrevocably harmed by it, so I really don't want to downplay the fact that this is still a significant character flaw. How well it was executed by the writers is definitely debatable, but as with Bumi, there's merit in the concept. There's a running theme of Sokka learning he doesn't have to be a strong warrior to still protect those he loves, and letting go of the shadow left by his father when Sokka was put in such a demanding leadership position at such a young age. It was a big loss not putting him in full Kiyoshi gear though, I will give you that.

Aang and the Overall Story

I'm torn on Aang, because though I miss a lot of his playfulness in the live action, it is also true that I often felt, especially in season 1 of the animated show, that it never seemed like all the horrific things that happened to his people affected him as much as it should have. Again, this is all up to debate on how much Nick interfered with the creative process of the animated series, or the writing, or the runtime, etc. But, in general, it just never felt like emotional scenes were lingered on quite long enough to really let them sink in a lot of the time. This is not to say it always felt that way, but after multiple rewatches over my life, I find myself more and more unsatisfied when it does feel like that. I know showing the genocide of the Air Nomads is a hot button topic, but it at least can be said that it set what to expect for the tone of the live action. I personally felt nothing but horror and sadness while watching that scene, and I think that is the intended response by the creators. Though I think the pendulum was swung a bit too far on Aang's characterization, I did appreciate him feeling more gravity towards his circumstances. I also do understand them going for "coming to terms with the present" as his arc for this season, even if I think they dragged it out a bit too long for my liking. As a side note, it should be mentioned that Gordon Cormier is also a talented martial artist who did most of his own stunts as well. Watching some of the behind-the-scenes footage of him was a real delight. And this is where I have to own up to the disclaimer I've been alluding to...I was 19 when ATLA first started airing in 2005, and thus was quite a bit beyond the target demographic at the time, so I recognize this show was not written for people my age. Regardless of its universal appeal and overall amazing execution, there are always going to be some things about the animated series I find childish or stupid that I cannot gloss over with nostalgia the same way people who were younger can. I am certainly guilty of doing so for things that were relevant during my more formative years (hello, Sailor Moon.)

Conversely, you also could say that I am more open to criticizing the parts of the animated series I don't think hold up so well, as few in number as those things are. I will say for anyone who wasn't around at the time, you are very lucky to not have been exposed to the constant fights and protest campaigns with Nickelodeon to even continue/finish the series, the annoying ways they kept sabotaging the syndication, the toxic forum threads fighting over the stupidest little nitpicks, or the equally toxic ship wars (okay, maybe still those.) You'd honestly be very surprised how nostalgic all the negativity over the live action has been, because it's practically a mirror image to the negativity over animated at the time, only now with the extra punch-shyness of having the Movie That Shall Not Be Named casting a shadow over everything.

All that being said, at last we are now on to the negative...

The Writing/Pacing

While I still hold that there are gems to be had in the live action series, this is where the show starts deducting the big points from my score. There is no doubt by most that there exists a significant writing problem on this adaptation. Most especially when it comes to dialogue, which often is clunky, exposition-heavy, rushed, or very canned-sounding. I honestly cannot place the blame on the actors themselves, as I think it is more apt to lay this at the feet of the showrunners. I'm sure there's a lengthy list of excuses, many valid, as to what happened exactly: Child acting labor laws, COVID separation, Netflix's overlords, budget, timing, etc. The fact remains that there were definitely some scenes I cringed my way through, Katara's interactions and fight with Pakku spring to mind most readily. ...Katara in general, to be honest, who got did pretty dirty in her characterization. When I see interviews with Kiawentiio where she's simply being herself, I see the energy I was looking for, so I don't think she was miscast at all. Everything has a heavier tone in the live action, so I understand where they're coming from with her starting out subdued and somewhat repressed. I appreciated the fact that they were very forthright about what happened to her mom in ways the animated show couldn't be. All that being said though, I just cannot justify why they didn't start breaking Katara out of her shell sooner or why they kept so many badly-read takes (not just with her, to be fair.) They can absolutely still keep the tone grounded while still allowing her inner fire to come through, and perhaps we will see that yet to come. I'm hesitant to blame the youngest among the cast for any perceived lack of acting skill because A) I'd sooner blame the writers and B) Yo, they're kids, and kid actors need time to develop skill.

In the matter of time, I think the series would have benefitted enormously from just a bit more of it. Ideally, like 2 more episodes to round out the main cast. I'd even take 5-10 minutes here and there per episode. One of the biggest flaws aside from the dialogue I see is a lack of interaction between our current main trio, which is where the heart of the Gaang lies. I know they CAN do it, the Fire Nation crew certainly was elevated by all the little touches here and there. I don't know why the main cast couldn't get the same treatment. This one also goes in the pile of "hope for the future," because if we do get a continuation (and I do actually hope for this,) one would expect a lot of these issues to be ironed out and for the cast to have even more experience and chemistry together to work with.

Additionally, there are a number of places where even my permanently blank-slate husband could tell things had been condensed to a point of feeling rushed. As I mentioned, though 6 is overall my favorite episode beyond this, there is no denying that Roku and the Fire Temple scene in general got shafted by pacing. It is sort of ironic that in animated I often felt that emotional scenes were rushed, but in the live action I just as frequently find myself wishing some of the slower moments of levity got their due as well. There is middle ground to be had somewhere, and once again I find myself hoping that this is another major area where we see improvement.

The negatives seem like a short section compared to the positives, but that's only because I have a harder time dissecting the parts that I can't even actively remember even after 2 rewatches. Nothing really made me actively angry at the live action enough to ramble on about at length, there were just a significant enough amount of forgettable or flawed parts of it that it hurt my overall impression. And really, calling a scene forgettable is maybe worse than calling it stupid or bad, because you can at least have a good time making fun of those.

Conclusion

One thing I hope people take away from this, if they bother to read this novel of a review at all, is that nothing will ever replace my love of the animated series. It's not going anywhere, and nothing can tear it down from its pedestal as proved quite decisively by Shyamalan. If I'd give animated a 9.5/10, then comparatively a 6.9/10 for the live action seems like a big downgrade, but I don't necessarily believe things have to be perfect to be worthwhile. I mean, I grew up on fantasy movies from the 80s and 90s, so I am a master at suspending expectations, trust me. It's an above-average score, simply because the things I took away from it and loved outweighed the things I didn't love. It made me ugly cry about 5-6 times, and I think that counts for something. My husband tells me he gives it a 9/10 and that he quite enjoyed himself. It is often difficult for me to get him interested in any media, because he has the attention span of a cabbage, so for him to actively ask when we were watching more was rather impressive. For these reasons, I pointedly reject the idea that the live action has no heart whatsoever, and I have reasonable hope that we will both get another season and that it will do better. EDIT: Turns out they greenlit seasons 2 and 3 the day after I wrote this. Woo!

Since he's a big WWE of the 90s fan, after the last episode, we had a fantasy casting roll for The Boulder, and that was the most we'd laughed together in months. It's a nice note to end on, don't you think?

[thetorturedlovergirl]

Today my classes got canceled bc public transport isn’t working (buses, subways, trains, etc) as drivers are on strike so I finally had the time to watch The Chuch On Ruby Road !!

Here are some of my opinions:

Ncuti Gatwa as The Doctor? AMAZING. MARVELOUS. OUTSTANDING.

I know we get to see him in The Giggle, but that's just a fraction of what we get to see in this episode. I love his energy, his voice, and how nice and approachable he seems as The Doctor. You can see that he loves his job and that he loves being The Doctor, and that he will crush this job.

ALSO ALL OF HIS CLOTHES !! HE COULD USE A TRASH BAG AND STILL MAKE IT LOOK CLASSY AND STYLISH I SWEAR. I WANT TO SEE ALL OF THE OUTFITS HE WILL WEAR IN THIS SEASON.

AND MILLIE GIBSON? LOVE HER. LOOOOVE HER. Her accent is magnificent, her personality, her EVERYTHING. I know I’ll love Ruby Sunday very much (I already do, I can’t hate companions).

HER OUTFITS ARE ALSO GORGEOUS !! I know they’ll be fighting for their lives with cunty outfits this new season and I’m all here for it.

It’s funny how she just roll with everything like she wasnt that shocked as I’d have expected. It was like “oh this alien who had a hot wet summer with Harry Houdini is helping me save the foster baby that just came to my home from this coincidence-eating goblings? yeah ok valid.”

I’m so excited to know her origins. I don’t know if I really care who her biological mother is, BECAUSE CARLA IS HER MOTHER AND SHES WONDERFUL. But I want to know what RTD has in mind for her and where she comes from. I have my theories but they’re like… trashy and stupid so I want to know what the real deal will be.

The thing I love most about RTD episodes are how he shows that companions still have families outside of their TARDIS life. Like with some other companions I felt like it was like, three episodes where their family appeared and then they were just gone forever.

Rose and Jackie, Martha and Francine, Donna and Sylvia. I loved these interactions and how much it affected the companions and the whole plot. So Carla being present in Ruby’s life and the series is something important for me and I’m really looking forward to see how her interactions will affect.

Now, to the goblings…

Look, the whole gobling situation was really bizarre and funny. It made me really uncomfortable when the camera zoomed to their faces and I couldn’t stop thinking “why are they doing that? It looks like when my friends took really bad zoomed pictures”. It didn’t happened like, one time, IT WAS EVERY TIME. Also, when they jumped and danced was really funny and so strange they looked like Mii characters.

WHEN JANICE GLOBING STARTED SINGING!! THAT IS CINEMA!!. Her saying the many ways they could eat Lulubelle (I agree with the doctor, that is a great name), I was shocked, I couldn’t stop laughing and how silly the whole scene was.

Idk why people hate The Doctor and Ruby’s song. I heard many people criticizing the lyrics but the song was actually good. It was improvised by The Doctor and Ruby so it couldn’t be majestic (not like the gobling song lol), but they did great with what they had. I would have made a mess and just start singing something cringy just to annoy them, so Ruby really killed it with those lyrics. And the vocals? GOD THE VOCALS. I LOVE HOW MILLIE AND NCUTI SING!! IM REALLY EXCITED FOR THAT BEATLES EPISODE NOW (I was before watching TCORR bc im a huge Beatles fan but now that I heard them sing? ohh I can’t wait).

The resolution was meh but I was more interested in the characters so I didn’t rally cared tbh I wasn’t expecting it to be something astounding.

Overall, I loved the episode as as a whole (4/5) and I think is a good first episode for Ncuti and Millie.

WELL NOW WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW !! NEW EPISODES AAAA

[jgroffdaily]

Along the way the cast has changed, but every time Friedman seems to have found actors with the charisma and rapport to make audiences care about Frank, Charley and Mary. “Every one of my actors has humanity, and I’m not just being soppy about it,” she says. “You can cast this show a million different ways and it will work, but you do need good hearts at the center of it.”

In casting, Friedman follows her instincts. She banked on the chemistry between Radcliffe, Groff and Mendez even though she’d never seen the three of them in a room together. “You just know,” she says.

As Broadway regulars, Groff and Mendez knew each other, but not well; neither had met Radcliffe. The three leads got acquainted over Zoom before meeting in the rehearsal room, where they discovered they had a lot in common — including big, unironic theater-kid energy.

Groff and Mendez both recall an early rehearsal when, left to themselves as the ensemble worked on a separate sequence, the trio clustered in the back of the room to talk exhaustively through the lyrics of “Old Friends,” the deceptively jaunty song that’s both a celebration of and an argument about what friendship truly means. “That was the moment I thought, ‘Oh, we’ve reached it,’” Mendez remembers. “‘We’re an actual team.’”

Radcliffe isn’t a Broadway baby to the same degree as Groff or Mendez, who launched their careers there. But the former “Harry Potter” star nonetheless feels a special connection to Broadway as “Merrily” brings him back after credits including “Equus” and a yearlong stint in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.”

Radcliffe isn’t a Broadway baby to the same degree as Groff or Mendez, who launched their careers there. But the former “Harry Potter” star nonetheless feels a special connection to Broadway as “Merrily” brings him back after credits including “Equus” and a yearlong stint in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.”

“It’s always been such an important part of my life and career,” he says. “This was the first place that I felt like I could become an actor and not just Harry Potter.” He adds, “Also, we listened to a lot of Sondheim as a family in the car — I thought everybody did! The idea that I’m now doing one of those shows is mind-blowing and incredibly cool.”

Of the three leads, Groff has perhaps the hardest job as Frank, who abandons his friends and his art in favor of empty success in Hollywood. Like so many of the characters in “Merrily,” Frank starts the show at his most vile. “I’d never felt so hated, for so long, by the audience,” Groff recalls of his early Off Broadway performances. “Trusting the complexity of the character and detaching from the need to feel liked was a big learning curve for me. Now I live for it.”

At the same time, Friedman’s production grants Frank uncommon grace. With a light touch, the director positions “Merrily” as one man’s memory play as he looks back at the mistakes he has made. “I don’t see Frank as guilty,” Friedman says. “I absolutely believe none of these characters are cunning or premeditated. Everything they do comes from loneliness and the need for love. They’re beautifully naive in their hopes for themselves.”

But what gives any production of “Merrily” its power is how effectively it dramatizes how those ambitions can curdle and those bonds can fray with the relentless passage of time. Radcliffe says, “One of the truest things Maria said about the show is, ‘The happier you guys are at the end, the more absolutely devastating it is for an audience. And I do think that’s true. I mean, hopefully not totally devastating.”

[marshmallowgoop]

Excuse me, I want to ask a question. Is it ethical to like the Kill la Kill dub? I noticed some of the changes in dialogue between it and the sub. I ask bc the kill la kill dub is my favorite dub of all time.

Hi there!

This has obviously been sitting in my inbox for a while. I haven't been quite sure how to respond.

Maybe I can start by posing another question: is it ethical to like a movie adaptation of a book that makes changes?

A translation—be it of a book to a movie, or of one language to another—is always going to be different from the original. There's no getting around that. But I in no way believe that this means we shouldn't try to translate books to screen, or that works in one language should only ever remain in that one language. Translation increases accessibility so that more people can enjoy and engage with a text.

Of course, however, I do recognize that accessibility is also a concern for particularly loose translations. For those unable to read, a movie or an English dub of an anime may be the only way they can enjoy a story—and if there are drastic changes, is that really fair?

It's not a question I can definitively answer. But personally: though it's not Kill la Kill related, I eventually want to finish writing my report about Anime NYC's English dub premiere for the 24th Detective Conan film, The Scarlet Bullet, which released last month. And the tl;dr of my thoughts really boils down to how disheartened I was by the movie's script. Unlike the series's English dub from FUNimation, which changed characters' names (and occasionally dramatically altered plots and dialogue), Bang Zoom! Entertainment's dub is very accurate—to the point that I felt it was to its detriment. It sounded like the actors were simply reading subtitles, not speaking like actual humans; I scribbled down several lines during the showing with the thought, "No one would ever talk like that." While I certainly have my concerns with how many creative liberties FUNimation took, I desperately missed it watching the new dub. The script felt so stiff and lifeless.

So, another question: is it unethical to make changes to the source material to better fit the translated medium?

It's again a question I can't definitively answer. But as I've said about Kill la Kill...

. . . the dub script and actors are taking some liberties with the material—while still keeping it in-character, in my opinion—and coming up with stuff that maintains the energy and feel of the original lines but is still new and different. That’s what I like in a dub; it’s faithful, but it isn’t afraid to mix it up a bit.

And Detective Conan:

Loosey-goosey dubs that take lots of creative liberties with the material are my favorites. I think they’re so much fun and add so much flavor. Not to get too "subs versus dubs" here, but as I see it, a dub is an adaptation, much like how an anime can be an adaptation of a manga, and I like it when adaptations put their own spin on the work and breathe a new life into it.

I'd personally much rather a translation be lively and creative and different than try so hard to be as accurate as possible that it loses so much soul.

But that's just my take!

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Ch. 1 Onikakushi Part 14

This doesn't really have anything to do with anything. I just decided since I for some reason have Higurashi chapter 1 on Steam I would take a quick look at some of my favorite scenes with the 07th Mod art style. The PS3 style?

I lied, I'm also going to include my thoughts about Chapter 1 since I didn't really give any final thoughts in the last post. Despite my complaining about how slow I felt the plot was progressing I'm willing to say I enjoyed Onikakushi. At least I enjoyed it well enough that I'm definitely willing to give Chapter 2 Watanagashi a read. The only thing I really want to criticize is the music, I don't care for how whimsical it can be. It's not that it doesn't fit the moments its used, I just don't care for the silly clownish blooping music that plays during everything that isn't a tense horrifying or mysterious moment.

Meep

I like the extra facial expressions the PS3 version gives them.

Unfortunately for the visual upgrade they took away Tomitake's guns. Which I guess makes sense, in the GOG/steam art the guy looked pretty jacked. I can only assume he was a secret guest fighter in the Umineko fighting game.

I guess the teacher is going to be an important character later on? I don't recall her having a sprite in the GOG/Steam/original arts.

Love Satoko's shitkid look in this version.

I wasn't quick enough on the button to screenshot when she screams LIAR at Keiichi. It takes up the entire window basically, it looks pretty neat.

I like these extremely polarized screens that occasionally pop up in game. It's a nice stylish effect. I think that's what this is called anyway polarization.

I'm a sucker for the soulless stare.

See, this is what I meant by the single screen zoom in on the eye in part 5. It's a simple, but effective tension builder.

Another simple tension builder is the manic repetition of a statement like this. It's a simple effect, and you can very easily overdo it, but when done right I think it works like gangbusters. It's not a visual novel but one of the ones I think does it well is the Chzo Mythos games with "it hurts."

Just a nice contrast of Rena here for you. Mentally disturbed, creepy, and wet cat. When I read the part where Rena is trying to get into the house with the amount of food it said she brought over to Keiichi's I was envisioning something the size of a suitcase just jampacked with food. Not that small rinky-dink lunch box. Maybe it's just a perspective thing.

Also I just really like the comparison between these two shots. They convey a very different type of threat. Mion has a more direct and unmistakable air of threat to it. Whereas Rena has a more unsettled just barely holding it together energy.

[radibutch]

Marital Rape, Entitlement, and the Myth of the Repressed Male

I'm reading Intimate Matters: a History of Sexuality in America by John D'Emilio and Estelle B. Freedman for my capstone project, and I'm frankly blown away by the depths of misogyny reached in parts of this book. Under the cut, I've quoted a passage from chapter 8, "Civilized Morality Under Stress," and given my response to it.

CWs for marital rape and rape apologism.

Most women felt less sexual desire than their husbands, and in the Mosher study, many described their "ideal habit" as involving less sex than they had. As one woman born in 1878 told Mosher, she did not find sex agreeable, yet had intercourse two to three times a week because her "husband's pleasure demands it and therefore [she] prefers to want it herself." [...] Another woman [...] had been badly disappointed by her husband's sexual demands. Throughout their sixteen-year marriage, she had acquiesced to intercourse more frequently than she cared to have it. The result was that she did not find sex agreeable and encapsulated male character by saying that "men have not been properly trained." Although her own experience in marriage makes this woman's judgement about men understandable, the deficiency did not lie in men's training as much as in the cultural prescriptions about male character. If the middle-class woman suffered from a tension between the inadequacy of her premarital instruction and the possibilities of the conjugal bed, her male counterpart found himself battered by the incompatibility of what he was told was his "natural" self and the ideals expected of a husband. Late-nineteenth-century commentators, both professional and lay, described men as assertive, aggressive, and impassioned, with a physiology and character that was, by nature, "more or less explosive." Such untamed energy had value in the world of work, though even there a man of integrity might strive to master his most unruly impulses. But, in the home, as husband and father, man's nature served him poorly, and he was expected to exhibit self-control and restraint. In short, the middle-class man was a personality divided against itself. --- Intimate Matters: a History of Sexuality in America, John D'Emilio and Estelle B. Freedman, third edition, pp. 176-179

-----

"Prior to the 1970s, marital rape was legal in every US state." (wikipedia)

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"10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry." ("The Rules of Misogyny")

----

Honestly, there's so much pure misogyny in this quote that I'm having trouble even knowing where to begin. I think I'll move sentence by sentence through the passage, and then zoom out to make some broader observations. Bear with me, as I'm thinking my way through this as I write.

What is "marital rape," anyway? According to the Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault (INCASA), "Marital Rape is the term used to describe sexual acts committed without a wife’s consent and/or against her will by the woman’s husband. He may use physical force, threats of force to her or another person, or implied harm based on prior assaults, causing the woman to fear that physical force will be used if she resists." So far, nothing in the passage from Intimate Matters (henceforth "IM") strictly, explicitly fits the definition of marital rape. However, I'd like to call attention to the wording used to describe the women's "consent" to the sex described. The woman from paragraph two of the IM passage is described as having "acquiesced" to sex with her husband, and the woman from paragraph one describes sex as being something her "husband's pleasure demands (emphasis mine)." Neither acquiescence nor cooperation with a demand (a demand against which she had no legal recourse; she could either agree to the sex or be raped in a more violent manner) sounds like enthusiastic consent to me. Furthermore, INCASA mentions societal pressure for women to have sex as a facilitator of marital rape:

Stereotypes about women and sex such as women enjoy forced sex, women say “no” when they really mean “yes,” and it’s a wife’s duty to have sex continue to be reinforced in our culture. Such stereotypes mislead men into believing they should ignore a woman’s protests. These stereotypes also mislead women into believing they must have sent the wrong signals. Women blame themselves for unwanted sexual encounters, believing they are bad wives for not enjoying sexual encounters, or believing they are bad wives for not enjoying sex against their will.

"Women blame themselves for unwanted sexual encounters, believing they are bad wives for not enjoying sexual encounters," and yet this fact is unaccounted for in D'Emilio and Freedman's analysis of these women's responses in IM. Nowhere are the encounters in chapter 8 of IM referred to as marital rape, and the authors even go on to make excuses for the rapist.

Apparently, these husbands were so "battered" by the pressures of their patriarchal society that they simply had to rape their wives. They may even have felt guilty about it. This guilt was, apparently, not strong enough to prevent "sixteen years" of repeated marital rape. If the man felt such strong conflict, he would have stopped.

If the middle-class woman suffered from a tension between the inadequacy of her premarital instruction and the possibilities of the conjugal bed, her male counterpart found himself battered by the incompatibility of what he was told was his "natural" self and the ideals expected of a husband.

This sentence in particular enrages me. It portrays the discomfort and guilt of a conflicted identity with the psychological and physical torture of rape. The message is clear: men's hurt feelings are as significant as women's rape. I can't find the words to describe my disgust.

[arziaisfrench]

▪︎ IPKKND Ep 80 : Khushi sees the effect of her tears on Arnav

"You have gone too far from your limits, miss Khushi Kumari Gupta. Keep your marriage thoughts for yourself."

Thanks to Barun Sobti's incredible acting skills, you can sense the shift in Arnav's energy. He's dealing with something dark inside him! His parents' death anniverssary is coming soon. He feels very vulnerable today.

"Who the hell are you that in order to talk to you, I have to go through all this?" I think he's very frustrated and angry because of what he thinks is, an imbalance in their emotional power dynamic !! This is a very important point to notice to be able to understand the way he's gonna badly behave in the future episodes ! He thinks she holds much more power on him than he holds on her, because he know he loves her and but still believes she don't. She can ruin his mood whatever she wants, whatever she rejects him (her hanging up his phone call) but he (thinks he) doesn't have that same power on her ! Of course he's wrong, but he doesn't know that yet.

He never felt this much frustration before. He's about to explode. He only thinks of her, of what she might think of him. He loves her. But he also hates her for making him fall in love !

He wants her so bad, emotionally, physically and completely. The frustration is in his mind, his heart & his body. ENTIRELY!

But notce his reaction when she puts him in his place (the way he let go of his hand with a subtle smile on his face). He loves it. It always impresses him and turn him on. What is provoking this reaction? Khushi's courage of course, and this since the first time they met. 👀

"Marriage is the purest of all relationship in the world. When someone promises to live their whole life with their partner, when someone doesn't want to get detached even after death, when someone prays that all the problems in his partner's life become their, every pain become their and if needed they can give their own life to protect their partner … with this promise life gets complete." I have to say this was a beautiful speech about marriage. Khushi can articulate her point of view in such a thoughtfull way. Arnav knows how clever she is.

"You make relationship for your own benefit. And when your purpose is over? No responsability, no engagement, no promises. Nothing." She ain't lying. But her views on a live-in-relationship is definitely problematic. She's judging it as if all people must have the same ideals as her.

Khushi insulted him by saying he had a "loose" character, implying he uses women as a tool to enjoy himself and to then throw them away. That's what makes him lose his sh*t. It reminded him of his father, unintentionally, she compared him with his unfaithful father, responsible of his mother's death !

And therefore all the anger and frustration came back at once in a split of few secondes ! He feels too much in such a short time, that he can't think clearly anymore, blinded by his fears and desires.

This scene triggered me a lot. This is the third scene that disgusted me soo much (first: the scene where he made a sexual thread, second: when he held her arm too harshly, then the camera were zooming on the marks he left on her arms, YIKES) !

He knew how he almost traumatized her the first day they met with his nasty behavior. His body language is way too agressive. And here he is, doing the same thing. This was digusting and triggering to watch!

This is the first time Khushi read Arnav's pain when he's realizing he's hurting her. She watches his anger disappear as he watches her cry.

This is the type of scene I was talking about in previous recaps. Tf is that?! Literally romantizing abusive behaviors. Why is her hand lingering on those marks?! I really hates these scenes!!

As I wrote earlier Arnav was definitely dealing with something very dark inside him. He was struggling to not break in tears all day thinking about his parents and how they d'ed. He let his impusilvity take the best of him once again because of how any insinuation about his parents trigger him.

Arnav at this point should've broke up with Lavanya. It's getting very umconfortable for me to see them exchanges intense stares while she's literally there in the same room !!!

The whole scene was about him getting worried about Khushi but honestly this scene happened way too soon after that "incident" in my opinion. I was so over it, we saw him earlier crossing a limit he should'n't have !

He insinuated to show her what it was to have a "loose" character, obviously making another sex-al threat just like the first time they met ! And him feeling very terrible that day doesn't give him an excuse for that disgusting behavior toward her everytime he gets deeply triggered.

[datauthorress]

Shadows Circling [Chapter 1]

Pairing: Khan Noonien Singh / Original Female Character

Summary: The AI scans the man before her, and within seconds, a picture and a profile comes up. Khan Noonien Singh, Deceased. “Oh my god,” Shelby whispered, hazel hues meeting the blues of the Augment’s. In which Shelby, an advocate for Augments comes across an ancient relic, one known as Khan Noonien Singh.

Rating: E

Warnings: Blood mention, throat grabbing, Khan being Khan.

The soft sound of her shading pencil coloring across the white page is music to her ears. Ever since she had discovered this small planetoid, she had been in Heaven with the beautiful flowers that decorated the planet’s surface. The large bodies of water, the trees, the soft breeze that filtered through the air.

         It was beautiful.

         It reminded her of Earth, but with no buildings and no humans, except for herself.

         It was a perfect day for her to spend time documenting nature here.

         Shelby had taken up a new hobby about a year ago, by drawing flowers on a page and then going to the locations where they were. She had begun local, wildflowers, roses, dandelions, etc. She had gently taken one of the flowers and pressed it down onto the second page before making sure it was flat, before writing down what the flower was if it was deadly or poisonous. She was extremely careful when it came to the more deadly ones, thankfully she had Abraxas for that.

         Abraxas, her AI, had been a life-savor for her ever since the car accident that damaged her right leg and severed another part of her, she could never recover (not that she wanted to). She could still walk, but she had to use a cane to help with the crippling agony she felt all day long. Even after multiple surgeries, she refused to be poked and prodded and experimented on and just dealt with the pain. The accident was when she was 16 and at 17, she was a permanent cripple. Thanks to her sister.

         Abraxas had been wonderful to her. While he was an AI, he still held a certain charm to him that would indicate that he was sentient. He had never fully really come out to her that he was, but Shelby had a hunch that he was sentient.

         “Shelby,” Abraxas’s deep, mechanical voice echoed in her earpiece, that was also a Bluetooth device that could, when she pressed a button on the side of it, could scan anything she needed to. “It’s nearing 4 PM, Earth-Time. My scanners indicate that this planet will be dark by 5 PM, due to the distance from Earth.”

         “Alright,” Shelby nodded and gently closed her sketchbook, before standing up with a soft wince. “I was thinking of staying the night tonight and going back tomorrow afternoon. There’s still a lot of floral here I want to document.”

         “I have no disagreement to that,” Abraxas said.

         Shelby held her sketchbook close to her chest as she limped towards her small ship. It was small, but it held enough room for three people at least. It had a small bathroom, a bedroom area and then the cockpit, which had two seats for the pilot and co-pilot.

         As Shelby neared the entrance of her ship, a sonic boom rumbled through the sky. She glanced up quickly, her attention towards something falling quickly from the sky, with what looked like a ship going after it. Shelby pressed the button the side of her earpiece and the scanner zoomed in, to which she saw that the flaming ball was actually another ship.

         “Abraxas, what kind of ships?” she asked, watching the scene unfold in the sky.

         “The one falling is a transport ship and the other is a pirate ship.” Abraxas answered.

         “Shit,” she whispered, watching the pirate ship catch up with the other.

         Without warning, a beam of blue phaser energy erupted from the ship’s side and collided with the transport ship, literally cracking it in half. Pieces fell to the ground, and she yelped, ducking down as the back half of the ship sailed over her head, landing about 200 meters away from her. The front half landed somewhere farther away, exploding in a burst of fire.

         “Holy shit,” she whispered.

         “It would be wise for us to leave this planet,” Abraxas dead panned.

         “Whoever was piloting that ship could be hurt,” Shelby said, entering her ship to grab a gun. “I’m going to go see if there’s any survivors.”

         “That is unwise, Shelby.” Abraxas sighed.

         “Just keep an eye on me, okay?” Shelby said, before quickly leaving the ship and heading towards the crash site.

         It didn’t take her long to start seeing the path of destruction that was left from the back half of the transport ship. Fifteen, twenty minutes maybe. Once she arrived, she stepped around the small fires from pieces of metal. She snuffed them out with her booted feet, before approaching the downed ship.

         The area where the ship was sliced in half was wide open and inside, she saw what looked like a broken cryostasis tube. The window was broken, and green fluid had just paused on seeping out of it. Her eyes narrowed in confusion, and she approached the broken tube, noting a bit of blood that was on the glass and the ground.

         Whoever had been inside had woken up and gotten out, cutting themselves on the glass.

         But that meant-

         SNAP

         The sound of a branch snapping startled her, and Shelby quickly whirled around, her gun aiming for the source of the noise. She froze upon seeing a man standing near the trees, a very tall and intimidating figure of a man. He couldn’t have been any older than in his early to late 30’s, although she could barely see any wrinkles. His face was free of any facial hair, his dark locks short and disheveled, bangs falling across a pair of icy blue eyes that froze her right to the spot she was in. His clothes, a pair of dark gray trousers and a long black sleeve shirt, were torn in places, and he wore a pair of simple black boots.

         And the man’s gaze was locked on her, shoulders tense and fingers flexing, to which she noticed was a sign of wanting to strangle her.

         Shelby slowly rose a hand to her earpiece and Abraxas scans over the man before her. It only takes a few seconds and as soon as the scan is complete, a picture of the man comes up and a profile, with a single word next to his name.

         Khan Noonien Singh, Deceased.

         “Oh my god,” Shelby whispered, hazel hues meeting the blue ones of the Augment before her. “You’re-,”

         Her sentence is cut off when she hears the sounds of shouts and yells coming from nearby. The man’s attention is drawn to the cliff above them, where both he and Shelby, see a small group of men at the top, holding phaser weapons.

         “There he is, boys!” one of them shouted.

         It all happens too fast for her to register. One moment she was standing and the next, Shelby was thrown over the Augment’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes, her gun and cane falling to the ground from surprise. She yelped, feeling a powerful hand on her back that kept her cemented to the man’s shoulder. And without warning, he was sprinting with her on his shoulder.

         “My cane!” she called out, but the man didn’t stop.

         The men on the cliff fired their weapons, and Shelby put her arms over her head to avoid getting hit. But the Augment carrying her seemed to dodge every single fire, quickening his pace to lose the men chasing them.

         They came to a hillside and the Augment slid down it, before jumping to the bottom and glancing around quickly. After a brief second, the man ran over to the right and tossed vines and branches out of the way, before ducking down into a cave-like opening. It didn’t go very deep, but it would prove to be a good hiding spot due to the darkness.

         “W-what-?” she began to ask, but a hand clasped across her mouth, silencing her words.

         “Quiet,” the Augment ordered quietly.

         He pulled her forcefully against him, sinking down with her against the wall of the cave. Shelby noted that he was strong (she could feel the muscles underneath her palms), and he was warm, despite having woken from cryostasis. It was not even 30 seconds later when the pirates came bumbling down the hill, glancing around before one of them shouted and they went in a few different directions. Shelby didn’t release a single breath until the men’s voices finally faded away and even then, when she did breathe, she did so very quietly.

         The Augment released her mouth and pushed on her shoulder, silently telling her to get up. Shelby winced from her leg, getting up slowly before leaving the cave, the man following suit.

         “Who were those men?” the Augment asked her.

         “Um, pirates, I think. They’re relatively new. They wander the galaxy looking for stuff to steal and then sell, people included.” Shelby replied, taking a few deep breaths.

         “Do you have a ship?” he asked.

         “I-I do, but we have to get my gun and cane-,”

         “Forget them. You will fly me out of here,”

         Shelby’s jaw dropped slightly at the demand. How could he just demand that of her? “I-I…. look, I know who you are, and I…. j-just give me some time to process all of this-,”

         A hand shot out and wrapped around her throat, yanking her closer to the Augment. She yelped in surprise but noticed that he wasn’t choking her. His hand was below her jaw, fingers wrapped around her delicate neck. “You will fly me out of here, is that understood?” he asked, his voice low and demanding, but also very intimidating.

         She swallowed thickly and after a moment, gave a nod. “O-okay,”

         ~ ~

         By the time they had gotten back to the ship, Shelby was in so much pain she was nearly crying. The door to the ship opened and she tumbled inside, a soft whimper leaving her throat from the pain in her leg.

         “Shelby, take a seat on your bed.” Abraxas told her and turned his attention to the Augment. “Khan Noonien Singh, do not move another inch. Do not lay a finger on Shelby again. Is that understood?”

         The Augment – Khan – narrowed his eyes slightly but gave no comment. Shelby hadn’t been lying when she said that she had a sentient AI that was extremely protective of her. The AI’s mechanical arms and hands aided her in taking some medication for her leg.

         “Shelby, there is damage to the ship. There’s a slice in the hull that was caused by falling debris. Unless we can repair it, I’m afraid we are staying longer on this planet.” Abraxas spoke.

         “Shit,” she cursed softly. “What about the front half of the ship? How long would it take to get there to get parts?”

         “About a day, to and from there.” Abraxas replied.

         “Then we go now,” Khan said.

         “I’m afraid not. Shelby’s pain threshold is far too high for her to be able to travel. Unless you retrieve her cane, it will have to wait until tomorrow morning.” The AI said firmly.

         Shelby flinched when the Augment’s eyes narrowed once more. “Very well,” he finally spoke.

         ~ ~

         It was one AM when Khan’s eyes opened.

         He lifted his head, taking care of the kink in his neck as he glanced out the large front window of the ship. He sat up and looked over his shoulder towards the bedroom area, where the young woman was sleeping in the full-sized bed. She must have fallen asleep not too long after he did.

         Khan still felt the effects of waking up from cryostasis once the adrenaline wore off and he had taken a seat in the pilot’s chair and dozed off, still recovering his strength. He stretched, before getting up and heading for the door.

         “Where are you going off to?” the AI spoke, his voice a bit softer so as to not wake Shelby.

         “To retrieve the items you requested earlier,” Khan replied.

         Khan was gone and back within fifteen minutes, setting the cane and the gun down on the table that was connected to the wall. He glanced down at the sleeping young woman, noting how vulnerable she looked.

         “If she did not know who you were, she would have shot you on sight.” Abraxas spoke.

         “Then I would have ended her life.”

         “And I would have ended yours.”

         Khan scoffed.

         “You should be grateful,”

         “Why should I?”

         “Because she’s the reason why your species lives,”

         Khan paused, tilting his head slightly.

         “Allow me to explain. Sit down in the chair and I’ll show you,”

         Khan, after a moment, sat down in the pilot’s chair. The screen on the dashboard lit up dimly as Abraxas began to speak. “At the age of 17, Shelby wrote a paper on the history of Augments that gained the attention of her school, the authorities and then the Federation. She advocated for the Augments, declaring that it was unfair what happened to them in the past 600 years, and what happened to you, especially.”

         The screen showed Shelby, at a younger age, speaking in front of a large crowd.

         “At 18, Shelby was approached by the Federation and asked why she was advocating for a group of enhanced humans who ruled over the Earth in the late 1900’s. She replied that they were living beings, just like humans and deserved a chance at a better life. Shelby fought for the Augments and gained the approval of over three billion people. At twenty, she became the CEO of the Nova Program.”

         Khan’s gaze flitted to the scene on the screen. A planet, similar to Earth in shape and size, was named Nova. “This planet was found six months before the program started and thus named the Nova Program. The next five years took place with homes and survival necessities being built on the planet over a span of 500 miles, a beginning city. Once the city was ready, your crew was released from cryostasis.”

         “And why was I not released with them?” Khan asked.

         “The Federation declared you dead,” Abraxas replied. “Their response was that your cryotube had malfunctioned and you had died in your sleep. Although we know now, that was far from the truth. While Shelby was helping the Augments adjust to life on Nova, she looked for you, Khan. She’s been looking for you for the last four years, to reunite you with your people. While this was happening, we also found two thousand frozen embryos, all healthy and all Augments. Fifty of them were brought out to live and thrive on Nova.”

         Khan glanced over his shoulder at Shelby, who’s form hadn’t moved at all. All he could make out was the slow rise and fall of her side.

         “If it was not for Shelby, your people would have been executed a long time ago.” Abraxas finished. “You’ll do well to be grateful.”

         The screen went black, and Abraxas went quiet as well, leaving Khan to himself.

         His people were alive and thriving. His crew, his family. His heart aches at the thought knowing that they were alive. And he had one human to be thankful to.

         He would help her and then be reunited with his people.

[miscreantahead]

Doing just about anything to distract myself from the misery while I'm stuck at WFH, so here's a list of things I really, really like about Dragon Age 4. Mostly spoiler free, but tagged just in case.

The combat. It took some time to grow on me, and I think the difficulty of nightmare mode is extremely artificial and more time consuming than anything (but I've never known a game where higher difficulties weren't) but it's still an enjoyable sort of challenge where I don't die so much to enemies with absurd health pools that the game becomes tedious (ngl low-key looking at SoTE) but there's still a chance I won't make it through a fight if I'm off my game, and I'm forced to do all missions to level up. The combat is easily my favorite thing about the game overall that really sells it to me, but there's more.

The demons. At first this was actually my least favorite thing. I hated that they changed the appearances so drastically, I hated that the Pride demon looked just like a larger shade with a face instead of a hood but otherwise similar features. I hated that the shades looked like the old despair demons. I HATED what they did with the rage demon. But as time went on all of it grew on me. I still don't understand why this was necessary, but they're all just so cool that it's hard to complain too much, or at all. I love it now, particularly the names for some of the bosses.

The quest system. There were a lot of things I really tolerated and still tolerate about DA:I just because A) It was virtually my first serious video game and B) it had Dorian in it. But the fucking fetch quests that just end in a little message pop-up saying "thanks for doing a thing!' got old so fast. I'll cry if I ever have to think about the hinterlands or the hissing wastes or gathering all the shards in every area again. Even though I've done them all a dozen times, they were awful. The same is true of ME:A, though I never did complete every single one of those, I got pretty close, and that was also a massive pain in the ass. There are quite a few repeated areas and enemies in this, but overall there are just fewer sidequests with more time and energy put into them, and that goes a long way.

The cutscenes are cutscenes! One of the most frustrating things about ME:A to me was that they advertised more cutscenes with companions but really what they meant was "more camera zooms on you and your companion standing there and doing their generic animations." In DA:V almost all of the interactions have had so much animation, so much of the characters interacting with their environment as they speak.

Attention/time spent on companions. Admittedly, one of my gripes is finding basically all of the companions kinda milquetoast. Coming of BG3 where everyone has so much depth and so many flaws and so much dark history that can either be exacerbated or healed, the DA4 companions all feel a little too emotionally mature to be quite as fun. I don't necessarily hate that after everyone in inquisition was as stubborn and unreasonable as a mule (but less understandably/relateably than the bg3 ones and it felt forced), but despite this I really appreciate the time that was spent on them. The personal quests are SO extensive and I so much appreciate them having spent so much time on the companion quests and less on the fetch quests. Also, coming back to the Lighthouse to all the little conversations and interactions scattered throughout is really great.

Taash. Just gonna say that even though I'm not really feeling most of the companions, I absolutely adore every single thing about Taash.

Taash and Rook gender stuff. Despite the negative response from the self-important freaks of the world, all of this is great. All of the scenes where Rook talked about their relationship with gender had me in tears, Taash's also had an emotional impact. They aren't perfect, they seem to stay intentionally vague (but still don't 100% avoid any messy depth, more like 70%), but they're more than I've gotten for this specific issue in any other game, or any other piece of media really. Honestly, while I was playing this game over the weekend, I really started to feel safer about the prospect of "coming out." I'm exceptionally fearful about the consequences of doing that given how things have been for me and how they went when I tried in the past, but this game made me want to face it and try again. Unfortunately, the election had the opposite effect, and I don't know where I'm at with that anymore.

Big boss fights and their impact. Maybe it's just because I'm on nightmare, but all of the big story turning points in the game have felt so earned on the combat side. A little less so on the story side, but I never felt like I was being handed a win after a some little half-assed boss just to move things along, even in just the first halves most of the companion storylines.

I'm not even done with the game yet, I think I'm about 2/3's of the way through, and I'm super excited for the ending because even the scathing reviews I watched all seemed to agree that the last 2 chapters were exciting and fun.

[dosageoflosage]

I have been having the weirdest dreams these past couple days:

At first it started with me and my older brother in what was ostensibly a cult, but it felt more like summer camp. There we like 30 of us, and everyone there was young (like 20s, even the higher-ups) and super nice. There were a bunch of fun activities we could do, there was like, a fun sexual energy about the place, things were cool. At some point I noticed one of the higher-ups in the cult was looking for someone who spoke French. Apparently they had access to our educational records because I could see my intelligence rank among the group (Rank 6, 1 being the highest) but they went with someone who had a slightly higher French score (7.4/10 as opposed to my 7.3/10). I remember feeling bummed about that. Like, I wanted to be chosen. I wanted to be special…

Time skip

The next day, we were all in the living room watching TV and I noticed that I had one of the shirts that the character in the show had on, so I said so and then went into a closet to change. While in there, a friend of mine (who I had known before the cult, so I must have recruited her or something) came in with me, and then two more of the cult members (a guy and a girl) came in too. The other two members start making out with each other, then with my friend, and then like, wanted my friend to make out with me, but she wouldn’t. It was really awkward after that, and also I felt kinda bad. (Like, why wouldn’t she kiss me :( Everyone kisses everyone here.) So the female cultist was like, “okay let’s fine you a girlfriend”, turns on the lights in the closet, and I see pictures of all the cult members hanging on the wall. She runs through some potential candidates but I’m still feeling kinda sad, so nothing really comes of that, and everyone but me heads to breakfast.

While I’m getting dressed again, I come across some books and stuff in the closet (it’s like a big walk-in closet) and I start to pick up on some nefarious stuff the cult is doing. I see books on “how to run your Native American boarding school” and binders filled with what I assume are past cult members and there at the bottom of the logbook is my brother’s name. I poke my head outside the closet for a minute and I hear two of the upper cult members talking about “their plan not happening fast enough” I pop back into the closet, finish changing, but don’t go to breakfast. Partly because it would be awkward, and partly because I want to investigate. So I’m walking around the compound a bit, I see this dude walking down some stairs in my direction, I turn around, I turn back, and I see the same dude being dragged on the floor, pulled back into the closet I was just in. I run over to help him, and then I see what was dragging him…This tall, slender figure draped in all black, except for a white mask he was wearing. It cocked its head at me, then lunged after me with a knife. I jumped back, and still looking at it, took like 5 steps back. It then shed its robes, pulled out a microphone, and made a non-human screech into it.

Time skip

Cut to, it’s nighttime and the house on the cult’s compound is on fire. People with blue bands on their arms are fighting with people with red bands on their arms. Presumably the cult is having a bit of a civil war. At one point, the red team is rushing a tree house structure containing a radio operator for the blue team, which is apparently losing. He makes some sarcastic comments about “good news and bad news” as if he’s reporting from a literal warzone. I toss one of the higher ups from the enemy team into a river, then run back to the tree house and throw a grenade that knocks two blues unconscious…or so I think: the camera zooms in on one of the soldiers playing dead. I take his gun, run back into the fray, and after a few seconds he opens his eyes. Cut to a group of like 4 or 5 rows of 7 or 8 soldiers (blues) each marching in formation to the central battle point. Eventually, everyone thinks the blues have won, but there’s something off about these marchers. Everyone’s standing around, arguing, yelling and I’m losing my voice trying to get them all to shut up. Try as I might, they just keep talking. And then it all fades to black.