#I think it’s still done recreationally even if it’s seen as kind of a weird hobby

[narvin]

listen gallifrey is a nightmare death planet I have to believe that time lords can be easily converted back into terrifying apex predators if they spend a long enough time outside. like how domesticated pigs will revert to wild ones within a few generations

[laurelnose]

good news! I don’t have a brain tumor 🥰

so basically what happened is

mid-december: i acquire Debilitating Migraine, 10 out of 10 worst pain I’ve felt in my entire fucking life Migraine, worse than the time I spent three weeks recovering from major surgery completely sober because I am inexplicably resistant to just about every class of painkiller I’ve ever tried Migraine. (I actually only rank the surgery experience about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale.) we get the migraine down to Bad But Manageable by locating several new Christmas light strings that turned out to be flickering at speeds the human eye could not detect but my human brain certainly could and throwing them all out. I make a doctor’s appointment.

last week: I finally see my PCP. she prescribes me a triptan, which is an abortive med that is meant to stop migraine attacks. the triptan decreases the headache but does not remove it entirely. also, the damn thing keeps getting worse again. I try it three times over the week, which is the maximum number of times you’re supposed to take a triptan in a month. almost like you’re not supposed to have more than three headaches in a month or something?? weird. well, technically I haven’t had three. it’s all the Same Damn Headache.

this same day I also pick up a topiramate prescription, which is a preventative. i am advised i can start the topiramate even if i am not pain free. maybe if i give it a day or two it will help even if i am currently having an attack??

wednesday i see my PCP for followup and tell her i am still in pain. she offers to get me squeezed in to have an intramuscular toradol (heavy-duty NSAID) shot. this kicks in within 20 minutes and doubles my migraine pain. I was at 3-ish and now I am at 6 and unhappy about it.

i do not come back down from the level the toradol kicked me up to. i survive thursday by not doing very much of anything.

uh? holy shit? yeah, sure?

friday the pain becomes unbearable. back up to an 8, which isn’t the worst it’s been but it’s also Day Forty Fucking Two and I’m so tired. I leave work early & go to urgent care where they pump me fulla benadryl and dexamethasone. absolutely none of this is fun — the dexamethasone feels like a panic attack and the benadryl makes me dizzy and light-headed + makes it very hard to think of words? what the shit do people take benadryl recreationally for? but! the pain diminishes dramatically. after the IV’s done they get me in for a CT scan and are like hey! you don’t have a brain tumor! (I was not actually worried I had a brain tumor but it’s always nice to rule it out.) but you do have a sinus infection and a bunch of fluid buildup that’s probably triggering the migraine. (really? but I haven’t been congested?) yeah, no, it’s really deep in there. do you wanna do antibiotics and sudafed about that to clear up the fluid?

saturday morning the head pain is back but it’s mild and it feels LIKE A FUCKING SINUS HEADACHE and not a migraine anymore oh my god. Guess what kinds of headaches are fucking fixable and tend not to be intractable and unpreventable. It’s also like, a manageable amount of pain? It hurts but I feel okay?? I get thru work without taking my breaks in the dark with a heat pad? I look at headlights on the dark road coming home and am not immediately debilitated? 😭 Maybe in a week and a half when the antibiotics course is done I will actually just be Fine??

I really shoulda gone to urgent care back in December. Too bad I didn’t quite realize you could go to urgent care for migraines until I’d seen my PCP for the first time and that couldn’t happen earlier bc, well, appointments are hard to come by.

I’m wondering in hindsight if the triptan WAS kicking the migraine more effectively than I thought it was and i couldn’t tell because I had a sinus headache underneath (which kept bringing the migraine back). this also explains why I was getting decent results with Vick’s VapoRub LMAO. Like some people do swear by menthol for migraines but it was probably helping the congestion too.

anyways this is why I’ve been quiet. I will be quiet for a little while longer probably bc the sinus headache is still not fun but it is getting better. in fact i had to get up and eat breakfast to take my antibiotic but it is sunday and i don’t actually want to be awake so i think i’m going back to bed

i am never letting anyone talk me into taking another NSAID ever fucking again.

[erstwhilesparrow]

☕️ + any combination of [hannigram, cc!dream, c!dream, ecology, religion]

hello! :] under the cut for length:

hannigram: i. so i haven't actually even finished season 1? there is probably A Lot that i am missing, it is safe to assume a certain about of Saying Words Recreationally, but i am a little obsessed with the way that people keep talking about will like he automatically gets no say in any of the things they're deciding about him? (i am thinking of, and this may be a misremembered scene, alana bloom and hannibal talking about What's Best For Him, having-a-therapist-wise, while he is conspicuously absent from the room) and it's... he's already meat to them. meat that does interesting things when poked, meat that can be very useful, but meat! hannibal being a cannibal is just allowing the possibility of making that literal. and i get the other appeal here, of [being known by someone in ways no one else ever will], but i don't know if i have a solid feeling about that yet? also, i'm sure the fandom is insufferable about them. no i will not elaborate. (lying because i'm immediately elaborating now: i've seen at least two really good fics that the authors labelled as spitefic, and they were just Correct, to the best of my knowledge? i'm deeply apprehensive about what they could possibly have been a response to.)

cc!dream: part of me wants to say "oh okay time to swing bats at hornets' nests today" but i don't really believe that my opinion of him is that controversial? (the thing i do believe is that if the wrong person sees this at the wrong time, it will be like i did that swinging anyway. such is the nature of massive fanbases. whatever.) starting with Current Events: i haven't read the google doc, and probably won't look into The Current Events further than what i've already seen, but i understand he at minimum was flirting with a fan who was still in high school when he was 21 and sending her private snapchats and that's. Don't Do That?? Hey, That's Fucked, There's A Power Imbalance Here That You Cannot Ignore, Don't Do That. i get why people's reaction was to drop him. i think it's fucked [in ways and for reasons i cannot elaborate on in this already giant post] that he's probably still going to be completely fine after this. beyond that, the amount of attention i pay him is minimal.

god, fuck, i think i talked myself into being kind of mad about this by remembering the fact that there are probably so many kids that look up to him. fucking hell. okay. I'm Not Learning / Thinking More About This. You Can't Make Me. The World Is Not Changed By Me Getting Mad On My Tumblr Blog Of Twelve Followers Total. moving on.

c!dream: oh my god he sucks so bad i want to strangle him (<- thinking about the exile trials + verdict)

no further analysis.

ecology: uh. surface opinion: cool field of study! ecologists in general seem like really cool people. more people should care about this. more personally: i feel weird about this one? like as a kid i read every animal book i could get my hands on and completely sincerely believed those pages they always had at the end about how You Can Change The World By Recycling :) . but also being In Nature wigs me out? but also i care about living creatures and their relations to each other? but also how much do i get to really say that and mean it when the most i've done is Occasionally Relocate Bugs Outside and Nod Sympathetically At Spiders? conflicted about this.

religion: another one i feel weird about! because i was born and raised in canada (sparrowlore for you, i guess, if you couldn't guess from how i spell colour) i feel there's like a background radiation level of knowledge i have about christianity that i don't really have for any other religion? so i am a bit suspicious, like, when i say 'religion' do i mean that or do i mean 'christianity'? and i keep saying the universe, which feels like i just want the christian god to go by a different name, but if asked directly i would say i'm probably an atheist? i... would like to be more principled about my atheism. also, part of me wants to be like "other people's religion is none of my business, let people be", but also part of me that wants to be like, "here are the specific historical instances that show i cannot ignore how religion has been repeatedly used to justify / perpetuate horrific acts and i want to be wary of the institution that allowed for those acts". i don't have a good sense of how to... reason about that divide? and like maybe i shouldn't even be framing it as that particular dichotomy? what i'm saying is both these impulses exist in me at once. and that is, all at once, how i feel about religion.

[tenpercentsugar]

1-100 boo

1. How long have you had a Tumblr?since 2012

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?hard pass see ya

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?i don’t know what my biggest regret would be but i do regret taking acid last august cuz i went to hell and i think it permanently changed me

5. Favorite Songs at the moment?well my april playlist consists of chanel x frank ocean, overtime x bryson tiller, for however long x bryson tiller, reminder x the weeknd, deathgrip x fit for a king which are all songs i’ve been loving nonstop

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?idk if this is crazy but once i took three klonopin then did coke

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?probably all of 2016 if i could remember it

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?they’re all self-harm scars

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?somewhere warm and rainy with a big dog and a family working at a job i love making decent money

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?don’t use them as a source of comfort. that’s a huuuge trap. recreationally they’re fun tho

10. What are your views on religion?i wish i could believe it! i really wish i could cuz it would be nice to have moments of crisis and feel comfort in knowing an otherworldly force is going to take care of me thru it

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?yeah of course. i guess i just knew that all i did was hurt people and i had to get rid of that energy from the earth. i feel better now tho

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.i can never do these things bc there’s not much that people don’t know abt me. my life is an open book for allll to see

13. last really important text you got?i don’t think i’ve been texted abt anything super important recently. usually my texts are j “wyd”

14. Can you let go?for the most part!! i don’t like holding grudges

15. Discuss your first love.i’ve never had a first love and i am sooo coo on that

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.i don’t have an ipod i use anymore which is sad

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.i’d LOVE to visit greece but i’ll totally move to oregon

19. What are your views on mainstream music?no hate, i find shit i like in mainstream music all the time. tbh i have no clue what’s playing on the radio rn tho. if you turned it on i would not recognize like any songs which is weird asf

18. Are you currently missing someone?meg and allison for sure

19. At what age do you think people should have sex?prolly high school idk im no expert

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?highs - got to meet so many amazing people (most notably, jake hazen), saw the story so far FINALLY, got closer w daniella, reconnected w taylor, got a job i love, etclows - lost two friends to tragedy, got addicted to klonopin/benzos, got hospitalized, completely lost all sense of self

21. What are your strongest beliefs?i believe that waterfalls are the prettiest part of nature and sunshowers are the coolest thing ever. if i were a weather phenomena i’d wanna be a sunshower

22. Who are you closest to in your family?probably my mom, kind of my brother

23. How important do you think education is?extremely!!! education opens doors for a person and i’m not even speaking on higher education i just mean in general. taking care of your intellect is really important to me!! i wish i was still learning!!

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?that 70s show is damn near my favorite show of all time

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?ohhh boyyyy immensely i don’t think i’m even half the person i used to be but i’m okay

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.zayn malik, frank ocean, asap rocky, tyler the creator, fucking david beckham

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.tarzan bitcchhhh its abt a lil dude whose parents shipwrecked by a jungle, made a treehouse, then died and he survived and was taken in by a sympathetic gorilla whose husband is like the leader of the pack and rejects tarzan from the jump then these ppl from england come and one of them has a dark agenda that they don’t know abt. it’s lit

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?this is a weirdo thing but @sunsets-n–graveyards cuz she is the human embodiment of the word cool and i don’t know if i would believe any negative thing anybody had to say abt her

29. What kind of person attracts you?like who am i attracted to? or what kind of friends do i attract? im attracted to dudes w neck tattoos and nice hands or dudes that assume a kind of powerful vibe. i attract friends who are cool and funny and beautiful

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?i only had a little bit of bud left and i smoked it all yesserday so im gonna need to re-up

31. Name something that you miss.warped tour

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.- quit smoking- work out details of the house we potentially getting- buy a dab pen and a puck- clean my fucking roooommmm- get an oil change lmao

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? this month has gone right past me i don’t even know if it was important enough to have highs and lows

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?take an adderall and three ritalin at night time

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?my hands cuz they ugly

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?i have nooo clue what they were i don’t even remember what playlist i was in

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?not anymore but i had a doll that i got when i was a wee lad and i used to care for that bitch more than i’ve ever cared for anything

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? not that close but close enough

39. What is your purpose in life?to improve. to improve myself, to improve the lives of others, to improve the world around me

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?i could not tell you the last time i cried. it was probably over sister wives

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? smoke down, stare into each other’s eyes, get married

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?either tame impala or frank ocean. both beautiful vibes. frank has incredible imagery in his music and it always takes me to a place that i’d much rather be

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.i like that i’m funny as fuck, generally pretty compassionate abt my friends like i try hard to reach out when i can, and how little i care abt how i look cuz that takes so much effort. i dislike that i’m selfish, obsessive, and dissociative at the worst times

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? uhhhh nope

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?couldn’t tell you i’m pretty sound in my decisions

46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?nope i’ve seen people make that mistake then never again. it doesn’t always speak on the character of the person but if it were to happen to me i would definitely be wary moving forward

47. Do you ever wish you were famous?only when i wanna tweet some dumb shit and get helllllaaaa interactions

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?no one’s been mean to me in a long long time so i have no clue

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?i just wanna be a light source in somebody’s life. like i just wanna be remembered as a light

51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?only lipo and not for very long

52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?nope that sounds like a bad idea

53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?yeah in third grade i believe cuz i thought being tough like that was cool

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?one time dani copped me sounds good feels good which was so romantic

55. What is one of your favorite memories?going to taylor’s w ash and smoking blunts on the roof and going to a cute little ice cream shop and the grocery store and buying hella beer then going to dan’s and smoking down more then going back to taylor’s, smoking another blunt, then passing out watching monster’s inc. perfect fucking day

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?a painting that says “keep calm and beckah on” from taylor. that was so fucking nice

59. Have you ever had your heart broken?not romantically, but yeah

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?definitely i’d like to change the numbers in my back account and the car i drive and the state in which i live. i’m trying to be rich, driving a new car, living in michigan

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? steering wheel drumming

62. What are your top 5 favourite all time songs by your favourite artist?the moment, reality in motion, runway houses city clouds, the less i know the better, disciples

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?dylan has pumped my gas many many times when i was too high

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?cry a lot, toss and turn til i’m sweaty, cry some more

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?this is a question for someone else

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?fourth of july mf it’s a beautiful holiday. fireworks, cooking out, warm weather, like come on bro it’s fire

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger.idk a couple days ago a gurl yelled hey at me from her car and that was nice i suppose

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?mordecai from regular show

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?reality in motion x tame impala is stuck in my head bc of that previous question

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?i have no clue i’ve genuinely been thinking abt this question allllll day and can’t figure it out

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?amy schumer 🙄

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?idk bro probably your mom?

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?i have no idea someone else would have to tell me

78. Are you a girly girl?no hahahaha this is funny

79. What color is your bed?uhhh my mattress is white if thats what youre asking

80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?i have no real hair preference hahaha

81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?hellllll no i have no time for that

82. Do you have a best friend?three! shouts out dani, ash, and t-dizzle

82. What song makes you cry the most?perth x bon iver or only time x enya hahahaha

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?good burger obviously

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?i have no crazy ambitions i am a very scared cautious person

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?i don’t think so. i’ve lived a fairly above average life as far as i remember

86. Ever been really drunk?yeah it sucked i hate being drunk

87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?hahahahahahahahahaha no

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? my whole life is just huge waves of guilt and shame

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?
when i do journal i write abt my day and then it turns into a life update filled w random thoughts and feelings

91. Do you like somebody?not romantically but i do have huge platonic crushes on a lot of people

92. Craziest shit ever done?ion do crazy shit!!! my memoir is going to be so lame!!!

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?sandy hook fucked me up for a little bit when i heard abt it

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?navy, hazel, and alexis

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?i do and it’s jill but i used to tell people it was jeezus and that my parents were weirdo hippies

96. Are you in a relationship?yes its been seven years and im so in love

97. Do you enjoy drama?i love watching it but i’d rather die than be a part of it

98. Are you a virgin?yeah boiiii aint nobody touchin me

99. Are you short or tall?i’m average

100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? i’ve got a brother named maxwell and he’s 18 and going further in life than i can even imagine

thanks kind stranger see u at ur house later im gonna beat you up