#I think ideally those two mentions should be gone and the ''should these protective measures fail the animal supply can be skipped'' should

[adhdo5]

Early SCP is kinda humbling honestly. The raw pulp of it all

[a-libra-writes]

who do you think would prefer an s/o who’s charming, more of a people person, using their words to get what they want vs an s/o who’s more quiet, strategic, and plans and schemes to get what they want? is it a case of opposites attract, or would they want someone to compliment them? 👀

.......so i ended up having a lot of thoughts about this LOL 

okay so i think this depends on the s/o’s morals! like you can be scheming to help others instead of hurting them. so let’s go with that bc i dont wanna brainstorm a low ethics/morality s/o (this makes me think of 7KPP, a fantastic visual novel that’s the only decent Court Drama Simulator vn i’ve come across). Also there’s a loooot of characters so imma just list the ones I have Strong Thoughts on and sort them by region oh lord what have you done my dork is showing

Northbois

So while I feel like Robb and Ned would prefer a more outgoing and charming sort of person ... I really can’t help but ship them with someone whose more cunning and can actually play the game of thrones. Like lord someone help these Starks because their intrigue score is 0 and they need someone protecting them from Tywin, Roose and Walder LOL. I can really see both father and son thinking their s/o is this sweet thing and not having a clue of how much scheming they’re actually doing to protect Winterfell... Ned would probs catch on after a while but Robb would just be blinded by love and devotion haha. 

Sansa would probs want the first ideally, but as she gets older she’d greatly appreciate someone who has that sort of cunning and uses it for good purposes. Also she’d like a calm and steady personality to rely on.

Jory is a straight up honest guy to a fault, kinda like Ned, so he’d also prefer the first type of person and appreciate them more.

OKAY SO you’d think Roose would go for the second type but HEAR ME OUT. I think he’d go for both equally, or a mix of the two. Listen. I have a strong HC that he would be very attracted to someone who is his opposite in many ways - outgoing, charming, sweet and kind. If that person also happens to be cunning as hell and willing to manipulate anyone - even him - to protect what’s their’s, oof. He’s gone. I think he’d really get off on the idea of having an s/o who everyone is shocked he’s involved with bc “omg they’re sooo nice” and only he really knows their “other side”, so to speak. Realtalk I don’t think he’d go for someone just as morally awful as him bc he’d see them more as a threat than a potential partner.

Ramsay is a little shit that would also be attracted to the first kind of person but honestly needs the second type to keep his ass in line. That’s the sort of person who would figure him out and manipulate him accordingly so he isn’t skinning the goddamn neighbors. Also he wouldn’t give a damn about their morals so go off i guess just dont start any revolts in the north

VERY Northbois

Jon really doesn’t care for schemes, even if he acknowledges they’re useful, and he’d be attracted to someone who knows just what to say and is charismatic bc lord knows he’s struggled w that for a bit.  Benjen really loves outgoing, charming and talkative peeps esp when they wiggle their way out of stuff or convince the upper command of the Watch to consider a different plan. He’ll be soooo attracted to that. Edd is kinda meh on both I’d feel? Like he’d prefer a quieter person but not a scheming sort, that’s too troublesome to deal with. I think he could come around to the first one eventually.

Mance super respects the second type, he finds it very attractive actually, especially when they start manipulating him into something and he catches them. Tormund is a dork and prefers outgoing people, totally doesn’t notice when he’s being taken in lol. He rlly hates the second sort of person, sees them as snakes.

Southbois

Edmure would absolutely be drawn to a gregarious and outgoing person! And if they can talk their way into or out of things thank god bc fishboy has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I really don’t think it’d work out with a schemer person bc of that Tully honor, and unlike Ned or Robb, Edmure would start to catch on (I don’t buy into the show characterization of Edmure like frack that he’s not an idiot). Brynden has a lot of experience and has seen a lot of BS, so he’d understand the risks and sacrifices his s/o would be making when they’re playing the game, and he’d really wish they wouldn’t!! Like yeah it’s to protect their family and friends but he wishes they didn’t have to do that. He wants to protect them on his own.

Brienne REALLY prefers someone whose honest and can talk their way in and out of things!! Like the Starks she’s very honorable and has no patience for lies and manipulating even if it’s for something good. It’d take a lot for her to trust and be attracted to that kind of person, they’d have to like... be very honest with her about what their plans are and why they’re doing them. 

Kingslanding bois

oh lord Stannis okay so INITIALLY he’d be put off by both personalities for diff reasons - outgoing because socializing and diplomacy is something he just sucks at and the second one because holy hell he hates dishonesty and scheming. Now, he can admire a strategic and collected mind, but as soon as dishonorable plots roll in he starts side-eyeing. I think it would take some time for that latter personality to gain his trust, and if this is like... his wife we’re talking about, she’d probs have to scheme behind his back, even if it’s for his own sake. For an outgoing person, he could eventually befriend or fall for them once some common ground is found. He wouldn’t be able to admit how much he admires their people skills haha.

Davos understands that sometimes manipulating and scheming is needed and can be used for good, but personally he prefers a more diplomatic, out in the open approach. So the first type is def his kinda person. He could still befriend the second type as long as they’re not assholes, though.

Tywin would honestly work with both sides of the spectrum and in between, but ultimately, you’d have to understand who you’re dealing with. There’s no honor or high ground being involved with Tywin Lannister, and the s/o should expect to get dragged into his schemes, esp when he trusts them ... and that’s no easy feat. Ultimately it’s less of how you get what you want and more of ... what are you willing to do to get it. Pesky morals and all that.

Tyrion has had enough of his dad’s bullshit that he’d only be romantically involved with the first type, someone who uses sass and flattery like he does. He can still respect and befriend a more cunning person, though. Jaime also prefers the first type, he thinks it’s just because “oh I like outgoing and forward people” and not...”i’ve spent years dealing with lies and schemes from father and cersei”, yanno that old chestnut. Bronn definitely prefers gregarious and cheeky peeps, schemes go over his head and bore him.

Sandor dislikes both sorts of personalities for different reasons ... He’s offput by someone who would be very talkative and outgoing with him (like why are they talking to him wtf), and he also hates scheming and lying and all that, he’s seen too much of it. The first type has a better chance of befriending and getting close to him, the second not so much. 

Petyr very much respects and admires both but like ... you know he’d prefer someone that he thinks he can outwit and manipulate, so probably more of the first type of personality because they seem less cunning and more of “just” a people person. Given his obsessive/yandere tendencies he probably wouldn’t notice he was being taken in by someone friendly and kind. 

like okay weird thing to think about but just consider this... I really wonder what it’d be like if Robert had an s/o like the first one you mentioned. Not Cersei, certainly not his beloved Lyanna - a third party, a gracious and likeable queen that kinda makes up for his faults and she’s TRYING hard as hell. like idk if they’d ever fall in love but like idk i feel like his depression would be slightly lessened to have a partner that’s very beloved and tries to help him and put him in a good light in his subject’s minds. Am I making sense? She’s not perfect but she wants what’s best for the realm and if she’s gotta do it herself she will. IDK sorry this is a tangent, i think about major change AUs and their political consequences a lot

Heckin south n east bois

Margaery is a Big Gay and you can’t fight me on this, you will lose. She’s super attracted to the first kind of gal bc that’s def how she is herself! So she’d love to play those little word games with them. The second personality type she’d just write off as “eh quiet person” but once she got closer and began to realize their cunning and wittiness she’d def take an interest, esp if she found out about some good things they did. Then it’d be a classic “outgoing babe dating more reserved babe�� and yall both would be VERY well-known in court. absolute power couple

Oberyn likes both equally! Especially if your motives are to help others and/or save your friends and family. He loves that kinda loyalty and he really admires someone who has a way with words and schemes in equal measure. Hell he does both himself. He might lean more toward an outgoing person just because that’s how he is too.

idk where to put Beric but he rlly likes the first kind of people!! He’d probs ask you to get supplies or money on the Brotherhood’s behalf, and he actually kinda likes it when he finds himself doing something you wanted cause you asked so nicely or talked him into it ..... Thoros calls him a simp and it’s true ok don’t bully he can’t help it

& lastly Essosssss

So, I think Daenerys would be a lot more drawn to the second kinda person. First of all: Very mysterious, ooh. Secondly, she’d appreciate a cool head that will tell her the truth and is willing to do more unsavory things bc they believe in her so much. Obvs she would need someone with unquestionable loyalty, and once she tests and is reassured of that loyalty, then she could start some kinda romance. She’s def attracted to someone who can get shit done that way.

Jorah is a big opposite in that he’s kinda had to do that unsavory stuff himself and is still ashamed by it, and generally doesn’t trust people like Littlefinger and Varys and Illyrio, etc so he’d prefer someone who is just genuine and talks their way out of things. Also yall know him he can’t resist once he starts liking someone like cmon

Grey Worm is absolutely in the first camp too but for diff reasons! Scheming and all that shit just makes him nervous and he distrusts it, even if it’s for Daenerys’ sake. He just wouldn’t associate with the person ... Someone more outgoing would definitely fluster him more but at least he could feel like he could trust them. Missandei can go either way - she knows the power in both diplomacy and manipulation, and would likely admire and be pulled to someone who uses both to help people. 

sorry i got so wordy and a bit repetitive lol both are like, my fav kinda character archtypes, esp for court settings.

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[valhallanrose]

Monster Miriyam Headcanons

So, to preface, Miriyam is still technically human - her monster form comes about as a contract with her patron, the King of Swords, and manifests this way because she is halfway to becoming a member of his court. She’s essentially got one foot in the realms of the arcane, the other in her/the normal world - changing or transforming means pulling magic from the realm of the Suit of Swords and rather than expressing that through spells, does so through self modification. Hence the monster form, which was inspired off the Nyx Hydra design for the King of Swords in the Arcana tarot deck. She’s met with Arcana a few times now and while some very perceptive humans read her more as Arcana-adjacent than anything else, the Arcana very much believe that she’s human regardless of what form she takes. 

Size-wise, she’s about 7’2”, not including horns (horns make it a good 7’10”). Very muscular and definitely as strong, if not stronger than you think she is based on appearance alone. Prehensile tail. 

Miriyam doesn’t break this form out without a long conversation as to what she is (only held with potential long term partners, really, casual hookups don’t usually get to a personal enough point to warrant that)

Transforming is kind of gross, honestly? Like this is some very audible crunching/popping, like when you crack your knuckles but way louder, but it’s also a very fast paced change so you don’t hear it for every long

She’s got some habits from the monster side that have quickly become noticeable when she’s wandering about as a human. 

This includes enhanced sense of smell, hearing, and sight.

Smell and hearing are particularly intense, though, to where she can pick up on a mouse running on the palace marble or tell you exactly what spices someone mixed into a dish as soon as she stepped into the kitchens. 

Sight is trickier to quantify, but the average human with 20/20 vision can see the furthest edge at 3 miles away. Miriyam’s would be somewhere in the 4-5 mile range, while night vision is about 3-4 miles (assuming clear skies and no obstacles)

Very catlike? Loves to sun herself if she can find a private spot in the daytime, will purr if you scratch behind her ears, also easily tempted by shiny things (particularly gold shiny things, her eyes get bigger than her brain at the idea of Expanding the Instinctual Hoard)

Extremely embarrassed to admit she has a not insignificant collection of gold coins and trinkets she’s collected over the years based purely on instinct - she has no idea where half of it came from

Has gone and still goes on long flights, usually to get out when her nightmares get bad. While her secondary form isn’t necessarily a secret - she used it in the Coliseum during her brief time as a gladiator, and most of the guard is aware simply for the sake of ease - she still waits until nightfall for some sense of privacy. 

Her favorite place she’s ever gone was to the Scourgelands, where she flew through the southern lights, and she’s hoping to bring a partner there one day if they’d be alright taking the fast route. 

When it comes to fighting prowess, she’s absolutely a predator - armored scales, claws, fangs, speed, strength...fuck around and you will find out and yes I do mean that double entendre 

There’s some art refs under the cut from @anonbunnyart and @lajadelmira so you get an idea of what she looks like, and then we’re going to dive into the thirst. 

In case it isn’t clear: NSFW AHEAD, MINORS DNI, also obvious monsterfucking cw 

by anonbunnyart

by lajadelmira

Still cis, still a lesbian, so she’s still attracted exclusively to women and femme-presenting nonbinary people, the pool is only narrowed based on if her partner would ride the dragon. 

Yes I’ve made that joke many times, no I’m not going to stop making it. If I don’t, just assume I’m dead

Absolutely a top and a dominant top at that, convincing her to bottom when she’s in monster form is very, very difficult and usually only comes about in niche circumstances. More on that later. 

Addendum: She’s slightly more willing to bend if you want to use your hands/mouth, but straps are damn near impossible for her to get into when she has all of you right there to pay attention to. She’s not opposed to being touched, but she’d really just rather pay attention to her partner like this. 

Personal pleasure is very much just an afterthought, and honestly, she’s okay with that

Has several ‘weak spots’ on her body that will definitely turn her to putty, no matter how tough she acts. Done in sort of a sensitivity scale from least to most. 

Horns:

It’s not that they’re sensitive, but if you grab her by the horns and tell her exactly what you want to do her/her to do to you, she’ll find it very hard to tell you no.

Loves it and will take it as encouragement if she’s going down on her partner and they grab her by the horns when she does something they like. 

Tail:

Her tail is prehensile, and she will use that to her advantage, including fucking her partner with the tip of it (which is nice if her partner likes penetration, because finding a strap to fit her in draconic form is A Whole Nightmare)

However, she will go a little apeshit if you play with the tip otherwise - particularly if you suck on it - and honestly you’ll probably get pounced

Wings:

Quick note - Miriyam usually keeps her wings tucked fairly close to her back as a sort of protective measure, and she doesn’t usually like being on her back because she doesn’t like them being pinned, but can ease into it with a partner

Loves, loves, loves it if you touch her wings - the membranes are sensitive and just running your fingers across them makes her want to purr like a kitten

Fun fact, stimulating the right spot on her wings will actually make her orgasm. (That spot is on the wing membranes closest to her back, about halfway down, and no, that’s not something Miriyam will realize until she has a partner that wants to explore her physically like that)

Territorial. Absolutely a territorial bastard. She tries to tamp it down, she really does, but some days it’s harder than others. Particularly when she can pick up the scents of other people on her partner, that really kicks up the ‘mine’ instinct even if she logically knows nothing happened and trusts her partner fully

She really likes scent marking because of this - no, she won’t piss on you, that’s just the best term I can come up with - but she has a few approaches if she’s feeling like she needs to ‘stake her claim’

Lots of roaming hands and definitely letting her mouth wander, but if not directed to a specific spot she will absolutely go for a full bite on your pulse point to really just layer the scent in there

Tucks shed scales into the pockets of her partner’s clothing (jackets, shirts, pants, etc)

Or, a good old fashioned absolute obliteration - by which I mean she’ll fuck her partner until they’re an overstimulated puddle in her lap plus an orgasm for good measure - and then taking care of them afterward 

That being said, this definitely goes both ways, she will be raring to go if you just murmur a ‘mine’ in her ear - she’ll be eager to prove that yes, she is yours, and she’s not going anywhere

When it comes to actually doing the deed...

Favorite positions (in no particular order)

Partner pinned to the wall, any position, just. Pinned to the wall

One hand around both her partner’s wrists, legs spread out over her thighs, the other hand between their thighs or otherwise roaming

I feel like I should mention here that monster Miri has a habit of filing down at least the first two claws on each hand (middle and index) if she knows sex is on the table, she’s not out here to hurt her partner like that

Seated on the edge of the bed, ideally facing a mirror, with her partner in her lap. One hand/her tail tip between their thighs, and arm around their waist, chin on their shoulder watching them in the mirror

Yeah this is definitely a favorite of monster Miri’s 

A handful of things she enjoys (all with prior consent)

Primal (predator), some painplay (ft. claws, teeth, and a very strong grip), sensation play, overstimulation

Some turn-ons

Lingerie, but the shinier the better

Gold accents in particular will really make her go AWOOGA, she jokes it’s because of the gold dragon hoard but it’s actually not far off

Dirty talk/dirty...actions?

Just manhandle her she’ll think it’s hot

Any and all of the brat fighting words 

“What are you going to do about it?”, “Make me.”, etc

Honestly the more I think about it I’m not sure there’s an off switch so much as each side of the switch being fight or fuck. Like. Miriyam is always horny like this. She can chill but why would she in the privacy of her home/when she’s with her partner

This might be. TMI. But the scale plating over the fun parts is….retractable I guess? I don’t know what word I want but they’re not always out because that feels like a hazard. And unfortunately no nips like this because those are also a hazard, but her neck, ears, lower belly, and the previously mentioned areas are all very sensitive and prime for the touching. 

[faulty-writes]

44 and 75 with Biker Bakugou angsts as you can make it plz -🥝

[Requests: OPEN]  [You got it. I tried my best! I hope you like it! FAIR WARNING: Blood and Death mention. Sentences used:] 

44. “Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

75. “I fucking adore you.”

A biker is a person who has a lot of respect for their machine, so much to the point where they consider it a faithful companion on the road. Whether they are by themselves or with fellow bikers, the open road is their calling, and traveling is their muse. In your case, you had become part of a biker family of sorts. Bakugou Katsuki was the leader and someone you had formed a bond with, however, you would never tell anyone of your feelings towards the man. 

Next was Kirishima Eijirou, seemingly Bakugou’s right-hand man, then there was Denki Kaminari who seemed more like a distraction if anything. Occasionally someone named Todoroki Shoto would pop in and Bakugou would have borderline fights with him, the nickname “Icy-Hot.” was used a lot. But regardless, they were the closest thing to family you had. You had traveled plenty with them, unfortunately, your gang had also caused a fair amount of trouble.

 So distancing yourself from consequences had become a daily part of your routine, usually, all the trouble was caused because Bakugou had gone off the rails and done something stupid. Still, avoiding getting arrested sounded like a pretty good option even though you were more than certain there were signs and posts across the states and countries with your descriptions and warrant for arrest.  

The latest stunt Bakugou had pulled involved a shoot out of sorts and as a result, you had not only gotten injured but lost your bike in the process. You were pissed off at first, screaming at Bakugou that it was his fault. He just growled back and gave you the option to stay behind or ride with him, guess you had no choice. It seemed like hell riding with Bakugou, but you had gotten used to it over the last couple of months. 

That is until now, “Ah Bakugou!” you cried as your fingernails dug into his chest, the wind was blowing your hair everywhere but the sound of motorcycle engines drowned your voice out. The police sirens behind you didn’t help, once again Bakugou had gotten angry at a stranger and the result was a bloody battle that ended with Bakugou stabbing the stranger with a glass bottle. Not exactly the ideal thing to do, but all of you ran out of the building and onto your bikes. 

The police gained chase moments later. “Why do you have to get into so many fights!? You IDIOT!” you snapped at him and he scoffed. “Shut the hell up! Would you rather die!?” you growled, Bakugou could be a real prick sometimes. You felt the bike stumble over something and you gasped, leaning your chest against Bakugou’s back and your arms tightened around him. You buried your face into the back of his neck, closing your eyes as a small tremble ran through you. 

“What the hell’s the matter with YOU!?” he snapped, noticing how you had curled into him before he realized. “Shit sorry, am I going too fast?” he asked, which caught you by surprise and you were half expecting him to be joking. “YES.” you replied and you swore he rolled his eyes before he answered. “Well, that’s too FUCKING bad! We’re being chased, I can’t exactly slow down DUMBASS.” he then turned to Kirishima. 

“Kiri! Is there any way to take them out!?” he screamed and Kirishima shook his head. “I don’t know Bakubro, even if we did. Uh, I think they have reinforcements!” Bakugou clenched his jaw before turning to look at Denki, “Well, what do you have to say!?” Denki was more or less the puppy dog of the group, next to you and he shook his head. “Honestly? I think we should keep booking it until we shake them!” Bakugou rolled his eyes. 

“Both of you are USELESS.” still, he felt his heart sink. Despite everything, he felt the need to protect you even if he didn’t express that through words. His eyes scanned the area, there was very little to be seen. No trees surrounded you and it was only dirt for miles or so one would assume. You nearly screamed when you felt Bakugou drive off the road and onto the dirt. 

Denki and Kirishima looked at each other before following suit, the cop sirens still wailing. Kirishima revved his bike before coming up on Bakugou’s side, “What are you doing?!” he demanded and Bakugou turned to him. “You see that house over there!?” house? You wanted to look but you didn’t have the courage to loosen your grip or lift your head. But Denki seemed to describe the house just fine. 

“Huh? Isn’t that just an abandoned shack!?” he questioned as he looked to Bakugou, “It doesn’t fucking matter what it is, dumbasses! It’s the best shot we have, pull up to the back, and hurry inside. These damn COPS can try to take us alive if they want, but we aren’t budging.” he said before glancing back at you. “Did you hear me!?” he demanded and you nodded. “Well good!” he said, the dirt continuing to kick up from underneath his wheels as the four of you approached the shack.

You coughed as soon as Bakugou stopped the bike, the dirt getting into your eyes and nose. He quickly climbed off as did Denki and Kirishima. “Come on dammit! You’re too slow!” Bakugou snapped as he grabbed your arm and forced you to move. Those sirens were getting close and Bakugou kicked the door open, dragging you inside. The shack itself looked old and the smell of mold lingered. 

The furniture looked old, though most of it was broken and the carpeted floor squished underneath your feet which made you shiver. You turned to Bakugou about to scream at him when Kirishima looked through the blinds. “Aw, man! Bakubro, the cops are lining up out front. Look.” he insisted and Bakugou growled before pushing Kiri out the way. “Dammit,” he said just before a voice sounded through a megaphone. 

“This is the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. If you do not cooperate we will be forced to take extreme measures.” your heart sank and you shivered, Denki was the first to notice and gently laid his hand on your shoulder. “Hey it’s okay, Bakugou will get us out of this right? Uh like he always does …” he sounded unsure as he looked to Bakugou who was groaning in frustration, his hand pressed up against his face. 

“Shut up Denki! Idiot!” he snapped and Denki took a step back, “You don’t have to be mean.” he replied though that only seemed to fuel Bakugou’s anger and he stomped over to grab Denki by his shirt collar. “Grow a set and stop your bitching!” you watched this exchange before raising your hand. “Uh, Bakugou you are being a little mean.” you regretted your words as soon as Bakugou turned his glare on you.  

Those pure red eyes filled with such hatred, how could one person have that much hatred? “I ...I uh …” you took a step back before hearing the sound of several guns clicking. “You have five minutes to surrender, if not we will open fire. I repeat you have five minutes to surrender or we will open fire.” your hands curled up to your chest and you let out a sob. “Hey hey! It’s okay, don’t cry y/n!” Kirishima said as he wrapped his arms around you. 

Bakugou growled and grabbed his arms, effectively pulling you away from his grip. “Don’t touch them!” he snapped as he wrapped his own arms around your trembling figure. You were scared to death, you didn’t know what was going to happen but you didn’t want to die! Your tears continued and you looked up at Bakugou, half expecting him to scream at you or tell you to shut up. 

“Bakugou ...what are we going to do?” you questioned, laying your hand on his chest. He clenched his jaw and looked between Denki and Kirishima before looking at you. His eyes softened a bit and he looked like he was thinking about something. “I ...I don’t know goddammit!” he snapped as he reached up to pull at his already messy blond hair. “I’ll think of something okay, just come here a second.” he insisted as he pulled you off to the corner. 

You followed and he looked over to the other two before bringing his hands to rest on your shoulders. “Listen ...I know you ...maybe you didn’t ask for this shit but, I need to do something about this and it may be extreme but don’t fucking talk me out of me.” you flinched as he screamed, though you were unsure of what he was planning to do. You nodded anyway. He sighed, “Good ...well before I do I gotta ...do something else first.” he said as he glanced away and for a moment, you thought he was almost acting shy. 

He took a deep breath and slowly reached up to cup your face, your heart accelerated as a moment of silence passed and Bakugou lowered his head. His eyes shifting to look at your lips and you knew what was about to happen. A breath sounded as he pressed your lips together, a shiver ran down your spine and you reached up to grab his shirt. The world and what was happening seemed absent for that short blissful moment. 

He pulled away a minute later, looking at you with the softest expression you had ever seen. “I fucking adore you,” he whispered as he dropped his hands. “You follow my instructions, you got that and don’t look back.” he swallowed before kissing your forehead and turning to Denki and Kirishima. “Listen up dumbasses!” he began, “I’m going to go out there ...just me, GOT THAT?! No one else and when I do, I want you to take y/n and get on your bikes. Ride away.” he said and Kirishima shook his head. 

“Are you nuts!? We’re a family, I can’t just leav-” Bakugou interrupted him, “I don’t give a damn! I gave you an order!” he snapped and he turned to Denki who was wearing a frown. “W-What’s going to happen to you?” Denki questioned and Bakugou shrugged. “I don’t fucking know, just …” he paused and looked to you, it was his fault you were dragged into all of this shit, to begin with. 

The least he could do was try and give you a better life, a new beginning. “Just take care of y/n and yourselves too! Okay?” with that he turned to the front door, “Your time is up!” the megaphone voice sounded again and Bakugou turned to the three of you. Kirishima had a hold on you and Denki was right by his side. “Leave now!” Bakugou snapped and despite Kiri having tears in his eyes, he nodded and did as he was ordered. 

Once he heard the sound of those motorcycle engines, he stepped out the front door. There were a dozen police cars scattered about and several guns were pointed in his direction. He looked at them with a steel expression. “Well what are you dumbasses going to do huh!?” he snapped and the policeman with the megaphone spoke up. “Are you going to surrender?” Bakugou huffed, “What do you think? I’ll fucking kill every one of you!” he snapped as he kicked off the ground and charged towards them. 

Your screams filled the air as you struggled against Kirishima’s grip. The wind blowing your hair and brushing away your tears. “Bakugou!” you screamed and pounded against Kirishima’s chest. “No! We have to go back please!” your begging wouldn’t do much you knew and Kiri clenched his jaw. Unknown to him that Bakugou’s body was now on the ground, pierced with several bullet holes and blood splattered everywhere. “We can’t ...we can’t disobey his orders!” the redhead snapped and you let out another sob.  

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[themasterofcider]

Reasons to Ship Markus & North (Marth/Norkus) 4.2

Markus Reawakened North's Fire (CONT)

The start of the freedom march sees some interesting characterization for North. In this moment it is as if she has swapped roles with Simon. This was clearly not her idea, and she's terrified. She pleads with Markus to not do things this way and drops her head when she understands that he's going to go through with the plan regardless. At first this baffled me. North rarely shows this level of cowardice. Initially it felt out of character, but it actually may not be. I mentioned her just now becoming actualized and owning her feelings. It makes perfect sense that she would be nervous about not only dying herself and losing touch with those emotions, but having her people die too. If we come at the scene from this perspective, then her caution makes a lot of sense. There's logic behind it from the way she wants to handle the situation. She wants to fight, because she saw how effectively it worked (or how ineffective peace was) at Capitol Park. In her mind a peaceful march makes little sense, as it's not a language humans understand. It could lead to everyone getting slaughtered for no reason. We then have God Droid summoning his fellow androids with something as small as a glance, and none of them question him. North and the other advisors witness this firsthand. Suddenly the police show up to assault unarmed, peaceful protestors. Markus is faced with a choice. To either fight, flee, or stand his ground. North urges him to fight. She knows they have greater numbers and can win if they choose to face them. She is quite forward about this. There's an eager, nervous confidence to her as she speaks. She believes this is the best choice. It would mean less death for her people and would teach the humans a vital lesson. Should Markus go through with the more aggressive option there's a huge battle, in which North is a skilled, eager participant. She's kicking the hell out of their rivals, beating them with nightsticks, and firing rifles as well as pistols. She even  has a powerful moment where she fights directly alongside Markus. She also helps him up, should he take a bullet for her. I don't believe North needs Markus to be successful in combat (we see her picking up the slack numerous times should you as a player screw up), but I do think she feels much more energized doing so. They're fighting back to back, surrounded by three or four enemies, and together they still win. The odds are against them, but through sheer morale and determination they pull through. Briefly looking back at the situation in Capitol Park we know North loves fighting back, and she loves the validation Markus gives her when he chooses to do the same. Getting the chance to fight directly beside the person who understands you and inspires you would make anyone feel like they could take on the world. This is no doubt what North is experiencing. We can see this after she helps him to his feet. They hold each other's gazes for a moment. From her expression (and relationship meter) she's both touched and surprised that he would risk injury for her. She's in the middle of battle with the opportunity to get back at the humans but stops for several seconds to admire Markus. For someone so focused to do this, one can tell how impactful this man is. When the police flee there's an option to shoot or spare them. If you shoot, North jumps in, following Markus' example. Seeing the humans defeated everyone drops their weapons to examine the battlefield. The androids lost several, but they won. It's just as North predicted. They could take the humans, and they did. Her fiery, soldier spirit has once again been vindicated. As such, she has no reason or desire to back down from her position.

Jericho squad is in the captain's quarters discussing the effects of the march. There are serious repercussions for fighting, and everyone is fearing for their people's lives. Josh is understandably furious with Markus, and once again Simon mediates. North agrees with him, and doesn't want to dwell on the past. She's ready to move forward. In order to do this she encourages Markus to guide them. This is a pivotal moment in the game for North's character. If the player has messed up too many times, North takes control and the three kick Markus out. If the player has done well, you have her support, and everyone has no issues leaving you in charge. North is a fully fledged warrior at this point. She's acknowledged her past, is motivated, and isn't afraid to fight for what she wants. The narrative has told you not to make too many errors, or she will show you what she can do when inspired. All this is due to Markus. Good or bad. If he hadn't have shown up, she wouldn't have been moved to action. Thankfully this strong soldier still more than approves of Markus' leadership and allows him to make the choice. He has done so much good, and made everyone more spirited. She has no reason to doubt him even when things look bleak. If your next move is to talk to the humans North does her old avert gaze maneuver and pleads with Markus not to do this, because she feels that he will get killed. He's her inspiration and everyone's hero. Of course she doesn't want anything to happen to him. He means a lot to her. When Simon and Josh dismiss themselves  North affirms this. "Since you've been here you've given us hope. You've given me hope." That quote encompasses this entire post. It's so sweet, open, and loving. Those words hit me right in the heart. It also proves the effect he had on her. Becoming a bit more serious North hands Markus a bomb. She could have kept it for herself, since her judgment is second best in Jericho. She doesn't, however. She gives the detonator to Markus and lets him decide if such measures are necessary. Some people may read this as her being unnecessarily cruel, but it's not. This is a worst case scenario usage only. It is also in order to protect her people. This is a war now, and in order to win a war you have to do what you must to win. Meaning I take the detonator just in case. After that North bears her heart to him. She tells him she's glad they met, and the two share their memories as well as a kiss. Shortly after North also departs . She pauses to let him know she doesn't want to lose him then is gone. Her body language and tone of voice in this scene are so telling. We know emotions have been something that she's kept deep within her. The fact that she steps closer to him before speaking emphasizes how much she trusts him and how much she's changed. She looks down again but not out of fear or in an attempt to close herself off. She's preparing to talk, to open herself up about not just how she feels but what her fears are as well. She doesn't want to lose this man. It would tear her apart to witness the death of the one who gave her the courage to be who she truly is. She lets him share memories with her once more, knowing the heavy impact it had on her the last time. What made her run away before now keeps her there. She has accepted the strength of feelings he brings out in her, and is willing to let him know her in the most intimate manner. When she's leaving she does it in such a slow, almost pained way. She stops to look at him once more. She doesn't want to be apart from him. She knows this could be one of the last times they're together, and the thought is killing her. If Markus dies she loses a friend, a supporter, a source of hope, and a lover. She's not ready to let go of someone who motivated her so intensely.

Jericho is attacked, and while fleeing Marth/Norkus run into each other. North is understandably panicked. From the way she speaks, it's clear she has her own plan, but she puts her trust in Markus by letting him make the choice. She doesn't like the idea of him risking his life to blow up the ship. From the alarmed tone of voice as well as the look in her eyes, she wants him to reconsider. Her ideal is to have him flee with her and Connor. We have to remember this is a chance to save some of the other androids from being killed. North knows this, but doesn't think it's worth it for Markus to risk his life. This means she could potentially end up losing Simon and Josh as well. I wouldn't say this is an honorable moment for her, but it is one that shows how deeply she cares for Markus. He's done a lot for her and everyone else that the thought of him dying is more painful than the thought of losing some of her people. The team regroups, and North is the first to notice Markus' return. She gives him a small, relieved smile before turning and running with the others. For some reason North pauses then gets shot. North doesn’t cry or plead for her life even with Simon encouraging Markus to leave her behind. She may not want to die, but she knows that if nothing else Markus needs to be protected. If she has to lose her life for him to continue helping others so be it. Luckily for her I don’t believe the android leader is the type to ever abandon a friend, so he rushes in to save her. They fight in tandem once again, harkening back to the freedom march and Capitol Park. Injured or not, North still gives it all she has. She is feeling well supported by Markus, and the extra assistance enables her to keep up the battle until their enemies are defeated. Connor covers them, and the five manage to escape safely. This is another one of those scenes that had me scratching my head in regards to North’s characterization. I’m not surprised that she would value Markus over everyone else. He is the soul of the revolution after all, but fact that she wouldn’t insist to go with him when this was a chance to save their people and provide him backup is just odd. It’s not like her her. Based on everything we’ve seen it doesn’t make sense. We know she’s more than capable of a fighter and puts her people’s safety way over hers. Then for some reason she stops running when bullets are flying. I could try to logic it out and say she was waiting for Markus, but I don’t really think that’s the case. Aside from the writers wanting an excuse to have North be rescued by Markus I can’t see why they’d have her behave this way. She’s not a damsel in distress, and it’s too far along in the story for her to be a coward due to emotional sensitivity based on how they’ve developed her so far. This was character regression for the sake of drama, and I’m disappointed with it.

In the aftermath of the destruction the remaining androids take shelter in an abandoned church. North is sitting alone. Silently pondering the events that have transpired over the past few hours. She's pensive but not defeated. She's alive, Markus is alive, and not everyone is dead. This woman has every reason to feel confident. More so when you consider that what her leader did was not in line with a pacifist regime. When we examine their discussion we get several, very telling verbal and non-verbal cues that confirm North's state of mind. From the moment Markus decides to sit beside her, North's eyes are on him. She's no longer deep in thought. In fact, North appears almost relieved that he asked how she was. She gives him a little smile as she affirms that she's fine overall. She gently scolds him about going back for her. She's happy to be alive, but he very well could have died. In an ironic twist, he actually breaks eye contact with her. This alone tells me how deeply North's words resonated with him. This is a serious, impactful thing to mention, but North doesn't turn away. She's now okay with facing the risks that having deep, emotional conversations entail. It's a little extra special that she gets to share this development with Markus as he's the one that gave her the strength to fight in the first place. Maybe him being beside her is affording her the confidence to have this discussion as well. This is supported by her telling him to prioritize the many over her. North truly is okay dying for the greater good, because at least her death would've helped change something. It's slightly different to how she was in earlier chapters. She has always been a proponent of her people, but facing her own death was slightly harder. Now we know she's absolutely unafraid of passing on. She also attributes the survival of the remaining androids to Markus' quick thinking with the explosives. To her the cause is still alive and well. Markus' actions have given her not only the numbers but the morale to keep their fight for equality going. This is very late in the game, but he can still be an inspiration to his actualized girlfriend. They mention the androids being rounded up in camps. North looks down for a moment, seemingly sad for those who were captured. She doesn't even flinch as she talks about the potential of every android dying. Her head is high and, she's staring her leader directly in the eye. She's okay with meeting her end, so long as she goes down trying to make a change. She tells Markus that he has to make a choice, and that she will support him regardless. For someone who also has the qualities of being a leader to allow someone else to make the decision on her fate - and the fate of everyone else like her - requires trust, respect, and humility. Markus has yet to steer them wrong, and she believes he won't anytime soon. With him at her side she is ready and willing to do whatever she must. He just needs to give the order. In a very tender moment she tells him she loves him, they do their precious hand connection, and Markus gets up to rally his people. This whole time North is watching him. She's waiting for his words as much as everyone else. The other androids may have survived, but they need guidance now. What happened was no doubt frightening. At this point only Markus' words can give them the comfort and motivation they need to carry on. Markus is truly something special. When I first watched this scene I wondered my Markus didn't tell North he loved her back, but I thought about it more as time passed. He doesn't need to say words to do this. He reaches for her hand to express his emotion in a physical way that only androids can. The other reason, is to make this moment bigger for North. We've seen her run from such intimacy in the past and suppress her feelings. The fact that she is able to admit this so calmly and with such certainty emphasizes the Markus affect even more. He really helped bring out so much of this woman. It's incredible.

Long live the revolution! Our heroes charge the camp, taking out all who stand in their way. Markus slams their flag into a barrier. As the four Jericho leaders step forward they stare down the opposition. With guns drawn and an unwavering gaze North speaks first. "Freedom or death." She’s ready to fight until the very last android is dead. Or until her people are freed. There is no hesitance or fear in her now. Only raw determination. When Markus echoes her words it is as if he is seeking assurance from her now. This is a small but important role reversal. Markus not only confirms that her stance is right, but it’s a sign that North has elevated to the point of being able to uplift the one who gave her the inspiration to be standing there now. When Markus gives the command they rush into battle under a barrage of gunfire and explosions. The Jericho quartet goes for cover immediately. North is reasonably shaken. She is aware of the odds, but Markus' plan of overwhelming their rivals gives her the push she needs to keep believing. "We're gonna do this. We're gonna get to that fucking camp, and free our people." She's assuring herself as much as Markus is. It’s very nice how they seem to be feeding off each other and keeping the morale up. If someone feels unconfident the other says or does something to erase the doubts. They are very much on even terms now. With his orders promising a success North jumps back into the fray. Simon and Josh eat lead, but she continues on bravely. Her group takes out the people operating the machine gun, and she announces that they're nearly there. She's much calmer than she was before. Clearly with each, little step her confidence grows. Justice is only a few feet away. Markus does some cool stunt with a rocket launcher, destroys a tank, and sends the humans fleeing. With their enemies in retreat, North turns to Markus in awe and announces that they won. She may have had hopes, but the reality causes her to simply stare in admiration.

They did it. What remains of team Jericho have liberated their people from an extermination camp, and Connor has summoned an army. With such a victory  the humans must accept the changing times or perish for their defiance. The era of android equality has just begun. North is flanking Markus as he examines his new charges. She breathes and utters a line that embodies everything she is as a character. "We're free." Then she looks at him, wanting Markus to encourage the newly rescued androids. She wants him to speak to them in the same way he spoke to those broken, defeated souls inside Jericho. She wants him to ignite their spirits as well. He will, and she knows this. First, however he wants to take North in his arms, kiss her, share memories, and never let go. He has a job to do and professionalism to uphold as a leader, but he seeks solace and relief in her instead. A gesture North more than appreciates. She's looking deeply into his eyes, grinning almost the entirety of this scene, and basks in his love. When Markus does make his final, grand speech, North doesn't just smile. She beams. It's the happiest she's been in the whole game, and probably in her entire existence. Yes indeed, she's free. Free to fight, free to feel, free to love, and free to live. She is a person in every sense of the word. This woman opened her heart, confronted her past, fought hard for her rights, and is ready to begin her life. North would never have become actualized, never have become inspired, never have become human if this stranger with a wild imagination hadn't fallen into her life. If he hadn't spoken with charismatic, uplifting words that ignited the once quelled fire inside her. If he didn't take actions that shook her to her very soul. Without Markus she would still be sitting stone-faced on a crate, throwing a tennis ball between scavenging for spare parts. He gave her the motivation to be the dedicated, noble, courageous warrior that she kept buried deep within her.

If you’re interested in seeing 1-4.1 of my Marth/Norkus analyses click the link below:

http://themasterofcider.tumblr.com/tagged/reasons-to-ship-marth

LET'S GET READY FOR NORKUS NOVEMBER GUYS! IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS CHECK OUT @markusandnorth

[steven-grandpa-rogers]

More Than Anything

summary:

while on a mission, you need steve to help you come back down to earth; confessions are made along the way

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 3.5k

request: here

warnings: marvel-typical violence, smut, rough sex, mentions of anxiety, unprotected sex bc i can’t write anything else, choking if you squint

The tension mounted over the course of weeks, months, even years. It was obvious to anyone who bothered to look; the lingering glances, the small smiles, the too-long touches. But when you were asked, of course, you would vehemently reject any assumptions.

You and Steve Rogers were just friends. Friends who routinely slept in the same bed, who chose each other over anyone else, who would follow the other to the ends of the earth and beyond. Neither of you ever really bothered to question that.

This mission was changing things. You weren’t sure what it was; with anyone else, you might have chalked it up to the close quarters. Sharing a room - sharing a bed, no less - was something that may trigger some awkwardness. But sharing a bed was something you and Steve did often, so it couldn’t have been that.

You wondered if his job was simply starting to take a toll on him. Maybe it was time for him to get out of the field. Of course, you would never suggest this, but it was possible.

This was your train of thought as you sat on the balcony of your hotel room, feet propped up on the railing and your drink of choice held in your hand. It had been a productive day, if not particularly interesting; you were undercover in a corporation that was suspected of working with HYDRA, among other things. While the intel was fantastic, it was, at its core, a desk job. Really, this entire mission was training for Steve; he was a great soldier, a master tactician, but not so much of a spy. You, meanwhile, were as good as spies got.

At least when Natasha was busy.

You were drawn from your musings when the sliding door opened to reveal a very shirtless Steve looking down at you with exhausted eyes. “Are you coming to bed?” He asked, and you were struck by how profoundly domestic the question was.

“Soon,” you replied, taking a sip of your drink. “I’m just thinking.”

He leaned against the doorframe. He looked tired, he looked worn down. You wanted to go to him, hold him, give him some of his energy back. You wanted to make him feel new again. Your heart hurt to look at the man so exhausted. “What are you thinkin’ about?”

You shrugged. “Nothing in particular.”

You didn’t normally lie to Steve, and the feeling of it was… not fantastic. The words felt heavy on your tongue. You recoiled at the sound of them. Funny, you thought; you lied - easily, even enjoyably - for a living, but you couldn’t lie to Steve.

If he saw through your words (and you suspected he did, if the way he pursed his lips and raised his brows was any evidence) he didn’t choose to comment. Instead, he nodded, mumbled a goodnight, and shut the door behind him.

You finished off your drink and stared at the city skyline, contemplating until you fell asleep in the only-somewhat-comfortable deck chair. Steve found you early the next morning and carried you inside. You stirred just enough as he laid you out in the bed to feel him press a kiss to your temple before he left for his morning jog.

In your early morning drowsiness, all you could think was oh. shit. before sleep overtook you once more.

***

The mission took a turn for the worst pretty fast, if you said so yourself. One minute, you and Steve were gathering information at your desks; the next, you were being called into your boss’ office for a meeting.

The alarm in your head started going off when he locked the door behind you both. When you raised an eyebrow at the sound of it, your boss shrugged. “Just so that we won’t be disturbed. You understand. Please, take a seat.”

Steve moved first, lowering himself cautiously into one of the seats opposite your boss. You followed, hesitantly, hand itching to pull the gun on the inside of your blazer. Though you expressed complete nonchalance outwardly, you were currently going over every microinteraction you’d had at the company. Had something you’d said raised a red flag? Something you’d done?

“I wanted to speak to you both about your real intentions here,” your boss said. You swallowed hard. Shit.

Steve shifted beside you and you could practically smell the panic on him. You wanted to tell him to relax; visibly freaking out wasn’t helping either of your cases. Instead, you looked straight ahead and offered your boss and easy-going smile. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, sir.”

His jaw tightened. “Don’t lie to me.”

You felt your heart rate accelerate, but you put on a mask of shock and disappointment. “Sir, I’m not lying. I made my intentions at this company clear to you during my interview; I wanted experience in my chosen field, and I -”

“Cut the shit, Y/L/N!” His voice dropped an octave and he rose from his seat, staring down at you with something cruel in his eyes.

Your face morphed into fear and you worked on summoning tears; if you could just act your way out of this, you’d be fine. “Sir, please sit down. You’re scaring me.”

“C’mon, man,” Steve’s voice surprised you. “We just -”

“Please, Captain,” your boss switched his attention to Steve and you knew you were fucked. It was all over. “Spare me.”

You made an executive decision and stood quickly from your seat. Before your mark could react, your gun was pointed directly at his face. “Okay, new plan,” you said. The fake fear was gone, replaced with confidence and power. “You’re gonna sit down and chill the fuck out. We’re gonna take the intel we need and take this company down. Then we’re gonna slap some handcuffs on you and you’re gonna get what you deserve. Or I can pull the trigger, get the intel we need, take this company down, and leave you to bleed out. It’s your choice.”

In a flash, he was reaching out and pressing a button under his desk. You weren’t sure what it would do, but you knew it couldn’t have been good. As he pressed the button, you squeezed the trigger and watched him crumple to the floor.

By this point, Steve was standing as well. You looked at him and nodded to the door before moving to grab your boss’ key card from his jacket. This would give you access to the information you needed. “I don’t know what he did, but we need to get those files and get the fuck out.”

He nodded and followed you. This wasn’t ideal; you were wearing a blouse and dress pants, neither of which would offer much protection against weaponry, especially bullets, and Steve was most certainly without his shield. Hopefully whatever that button meant would take a while. You hid your gun under your blazer as you made your way through the office. If anyone had heard the gunshot, they certainly didn’t give any indication of it. “His office must have been soundproofed,” you observed, making sure only Steve could hear you. “That’s good.”

You reached the elevator and boarded, happy to see that no one else was present. In an instant, you had swiped your boss’ key card and entered the password that you’d been working on stealing for days. As a new set of buttons appeared, you found yourself profoundly grateful that you’d worked out the password on time.

“They keep all their information on a set of sublevels,” you said, scanning the new buttons and finally selecting one. “If our intel is correct, it should be here.”

You shot down to the correct level and unboarded the elevator. It felt like you had entered a high tech parking garage; the walls of the room that you entered were made of concrete, but the wall opposite the elevator was layered with all manner of security measures. Praying to God you were right about what you were about to do, you marched over and shot out the handprint scanner. The doors slid open.

“How did you know to do that?” Steve asked as he followed you into the maze of files.

You shrugged, drawing your gun once more just in case you encountered someone. “It worked in Star Wars.”

In a few minutes, you managed to track down the right filing cabinet. Thank God for organization systems. You browsed through the files inside and handed the ones you would need off to Steve. “Alright, let’s get the hell out of here.”

It seemed like you were in the clear, until you made your way back to the room with the elevator. As you re-entered the room, the doors opened to reveal a group of men that were definitely not your friends. You shot at one without thinking, only to discover he was definitely wearing bulletproof armor. “Okay, I guess we do this the old fashioned way.”

Steve kicked the files behind the two of you, to be retrieved after you’d finished kicking these guys’ asses.

The enemies converged in a swarm; you hit the first in the face with the butt of your gun, sending him sprawling to the ground. The second came at you faster than you were expecting and managed to grab your gun hand. Without really thinking, you pivoted and shoved your knee right into his balls. He sunk to his knees in front of you, so you ripped his helmet off and sent a bullet right through his skull. This may have been a bit excessive, but you hadn’t been trained for subtlety or grace. You just needed to get the job done.

You worked your way through the crowd until it was just you, Steve, and the last few enemies.

The last one that you faced was a doozy; he went for your legs and you landed hard on your back. As you grimaced and breathed hard, he took the opportunity to step over you and aim his gun right at your head. Letting out a savage growl, you reached up, grabbed his wrist, and dragged him down to the ground with you. It was risky, considering a bullet through your forehead wasn’t great for your health, but you didn’t have many options.

With him sprawled out next to you, you climbed on top of him and pinned his wrists with your knees. You shot him quick and dirty and rose to your feet, surveying the incapacitated men around you. “That was annoying,” you said, and Steve laughed as he retrieved the files.

Aside from the fact that you were covered in blood and panting, you managed to get yourselves together enough to walk out of the building without rousing too much suspicion. If anyone noticed the dishevelment, at least, they didn’t make any comments.

***

By the time you and Steve made it back to the hotel, your adrenaline had only diminished somewhat. The fact that you had made it back without anymore trouble did nothing to ease your nerves; if anything, it only put you on even higher alert. That was too easy, you kept thinking; this couldn’t have been over.

You put the files in your bag and sat out on the balcony, not bothering to remove any of your bloodied clothes or fix your appearance. You were too on edge. You fully expected more HYDRA agents to come through the door at any second.

As minutes ticked by, you prayed that maybe it was over. Maybe you could call it and go home. But still, the anxiety in your chest wasn’t easing up; the more it seemed that you were truly safe, the more your skin buzzed with nerves.

Finally, you decided enough was enough. Rationally, it was clear that you were no longer in danger; but your fight or flight instinct was still strong. You headed inside before you could change your mind. Your plan for easing some of this anxiety was something you were unsure about, something that could be easily rejected, but you needed a tether to reality.

You could only hope that Steve would be willing to provide that.

He was reclined on the bed, nose in a book. His hair was somewhat damp and he was no longer bloody. He looked up as you entered and, seeing the look on your face, immediately put the book to the side. But he didn’t speak. He’d let you do that on your own time.

“Steve…” you didn’t know where to begin. This was ridiculous. You took a deep breath. “I can’t wind down. Fighting is your thing, I’m… I’m more suited for the spy work. You know that. Whenever we fight, you know I get anxious. But it’s not going away this time.”

“Okay,” he replied, and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. “What do you need, doll?”

“I need…” your words died in your throat and you bit your lip. And then, in an instant, a levy broke. Fuck it.  “Steve, I need you.”

His brow furrowed, and then he smiled. He thought you wanted to be held, to be comforted. He clearly didn’t realize that that was the farthest thing from your mind. “You know you don’t have to ask about that. C’mere, we can -”

“No.” You drew his attention with just one word. His eyes widened as your blazer hit the ground, and then your pants, leaving you in just a blouse and underwear. “Steve, I need you to fuck me.”

“Y/N…” you could see the conflict in his eyes; the professional in him wanted to say no, but the part of him that wanted you - that loved you - was dying to say yes. You watched him mull it over, watched as he nodded and said, “okay, if you’re sure.”

You felt relief rush through your system. Before you could think about what to do next, you went to the bed and climbed onto it. You moved so you were straddling him and brought him into a deep kiss. His hands found your hips, lips moving against yours.

Yeah, you definitely should have done this sooner.

“Stevie, please,” your voice bordered on a whine as you pulled back just slightly from the kiss. Your hands were cupping his face, fingers digging into his temples. “Ruin me.”

These words stirred something deep within Steve. He let out a growl and you found yourself on your back with him hovering over you. His lips found their way to your neck and he sucked hickies around your jaw and collarbone, clearly marking you no matter what clothes you might wear to attempt to cover them. The thought of it drew a long moan from you, and you felt his hips stutter forward at the sound.

“I love you,” you heard him say, “I’ve loved you for so long.”

You carded your hands through his hair and drew him back up to your lips, reveling in the feeling of your tongues meeting, exploring. The kiss was charged with passion and one monumental realization:

You and Steve Rogers were most certainly not just friends.

His touch was working wonders to calm your nerves. The adrenaline and paranoia was melting away beneath him, but you needed more. You needed to be grounded, tethered to reality; to Steve.

You wrapped your legs around him and rolled your hips up into his, hoping he’d get the message. He rose up on his knees to, quite literally, rip your blouse off; buttons flew everywhere before he threw the fabric over his shoulder. Your eyes widened at his actions. That was, without a doubt, the single hottest thing you’d ever seen.

The next to go were your panties and bra, which shared a similar fate. You pawed at Steve’s shirt until he got the message and threw it off, along with the boxers that you assumed he’d been planning to wear to bed. As his lips returned to your neck and trailed down to your breast, you toyed with the thoughts in your head about how exactly you wanted this to go.

His lips curled perfectly around one of your nipples and you decided to make your request. If his needy actions and quick pace were any indication, you figured he’d be alright with what you needed.

“Steve,” you said, though it came out as more of a moan as he chose that moment to roll your other nipple between his fingers. He hummed in reply, obviously sensing you had something to say. Your words came out as a desperate gasp: “don’t be gentle.”

You felt Steve smirk against you and then he was tugging your nipple between his teeth. Instantly, your back arched and your hands flew to his head, fingers curling in his hair and pulling.

“My girl likes it rough,” he mused, and then he began kissing down your stomach. On occasion, he’d nip at your skin, sending shockwaves down your back and goosebumps down your arm. “I can work with that.”

Before you could really process, his hands found your hips and flipped you onto your stomach. You felt his hands trail down your back, path punctuated by a slap to your ass once he had reached it. You cried out and prayed to God the hotel had thick walls; this was going to be a loud night.

Steve’s fingers trailed over your slit, exploring you leisurely, keeping a close eye on your reactions. He watched the way you moaned when he flicked the pad of his thumb over your clit; the way you pushed back against him when just the tip of his finger pressed into your opening. He slapped your ass again and you made a sound that was somewhere between pleasure and frustration.

“Steve, please,” you said, rocking your hips back against him. The noise he made was something feral and deep; you looked over your shoulder to see his eyes absolutely burning with lust. His hand found his cock, hard against his stomach, and gave it a few pumps, obviously seeking to alleviate some tension. Channeling your best porn star moan, you met his eyes and said, “please, fuck me.”

He ran the tip of his cock along your slit, coating himself in your juices. You clenched around nothing, throbbing with even the idea of having him inside of you. As his dick slid inside of you, you let out a harsh moan and focused on relaxing for him. He was big, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

It only took a few seconds after he bottomed out for you to start begging him to move. With that go ahead, Steve set a punishing pace; his hips hit yours so hard and fast that, within minutes, the only sounds in the room were skin on skin and various moans, grunts, and growls.

Steve’s hand found your throat and pulled you flush against his chest. The new angle gave him access to even deeper parts of you and you squeezed your eyes shut, mouth hanging open in a silent scream. This was better than you’d ever thought it would be.

Your release approached quickly. You were chanting his name like a prayer, eyes still shut tight. One of your hands found his, the one that wasn’t holding you up, and this moment of tenderness in an otherwise feral fucking communicated things that you didn’t think words ever could. Steve buried his head in your neck just as you came, the pulsing of your cunt sending him over the edge.

You stayed like that for a minute, one of his hands in yours and the other curled around your neck, moving through the aftershocks together. As you came down from your highs, Steve gently pulled out and turned you so that you laid on your back. He then fell onto his side next to you and pulled you into his arms. You felt far more contented than you had before, your adrenaline rush finally dying down. You felt at peace.

“Thank you,” you murmured, head buried in his chest. When he chuckled, you felt the vibration of it pass through him.

“For what?”

“For calming me down. Sometimes you’re the only one who knows how.” This got no response, though you knew he was smiling that soft, dopey grin. You felt his fingers in your hair after a minute or so, felt him begin humming a soft, unfamiliar tune. And then something he had said in the heat of the moment struck you. “Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

His fingers stilled and you felt him tense. “I…” you couldn’t tell what he was struggling with, but you knew in your soul that the answer was yes. Maybe it was the work boundary, or your individual traumas, or some other unseen conflict. Still, you knew the answer was yes. It had to be yes.

“Because I love you,” you pulled back so you could look at him, flashing him a small smile. “I think I always have.”

The relief in his face shattered your heart a bit; had he been worried that you wouldn’t feel the same? His next words, however, put your heart back together and then some.

“Yeah, doll. I love you. More than anything.”

[scarletsxwrites]

More Than Anything

summary:

while on a mission, you need steve to help you come back down to earth; confessions are made along the way

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 3.5k

request: here

warnings: marvel-typical violence, smut, rough sex, mentions of anxiety, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), choking if you squint

The tension mounted over the course of weeks, months, even years. It was obvious to anyone who bothered to look; the lingering glances, the small smiles, the too-long touches. But when you were asked, of course, you would vehemently reject any assumptions.

You and Steve Rogers were just friends. Friends who routinely slept in the same bed, who chose each other over anyone else, who would follow the other to the ends of the earth and beyond. Neither of you ever really bothered to question that.

This mission was changing things. You weren’t sure what it was; with anyone else, you might have chalked it up to the close quarters. Sharing a room - sharing a bed, no less - was something that may trigger some awkwardness. But sharing a bed was something you and Steve did often, so it couldn’t have been that.

You wondered if his job was simply starting to take a toll on him. Maybe it was time for him to get out of the field. Of course, you would never suggest this, but it was possible.

This was your train of thought as you sat on the balcony of your hotel room, feet propped up on the railing and your drink of choice held in your hand. It had been a productive day, if not particularly interesting; you were undercover in a corporation that was suspected of working with HYDRA, among other things. While the intel was fantastic, it was, at its core, a desk job. Really, this entire mission was training for Steve; he was a great soldier, a master tactician, but not so much of a spy. You, meanwhile, were as good as spies got.

At least when Natasha was busy.

You were drawn from your musings when the sliding door opened to reveal a very shirtless Steve looking down at you with exhausted eyes. “Are you coming to bed?” He asked, and you were struck by how profoundly domestic the question was.

“Soon,” you replied, taking a sip of your drink. “I’m just thinking.”

He leaned against the doorframe. He looked tired, he looked worn down. You wanted to go to him, hold him, give him some of his energy back. You wanted to make him feel new again. Your heart hurt to look at the man so exhausted. “What are you thinkin’ about?”

You shrugged. “Nothing in particular.”

You didn’t normally lie to Steve, and the feeling of it was… not fantastic. The words felt heavy on your tongue. You recoiled at the sound of them. Funny, you thought; you lied - easily, even enjoyably - for a living, but you couldn’t lie to Steve.

If he saw through your words (and you suspected he did, if the way he pursed his lips and raised his brows was any evidence) he didn’t choose to comment. Instead, he nodded, mumbled a goodnight, and shut the door behind him.

You finished off your drink and stared at the city skyline, contemplating until you fell asleep in the only-somewhat-comfortable deck chair. Steve found you early the next morning and carried you inside. You stirred just enough as he laid you out in the bed to feel him press a kiss to your temple before he left for his morning jog.

In your early morning drowsiness, all you could think was oh. shit. before sleep overtook you once more.

***

The mission took a turn for the worst pretty fast, if you said so yourself. One minute, you and Steve were gathering information at your desks; the next, you were being called into your boss’ office for a meeting.

The alarm in your head started going off when he locked the door behind you both. When you raised an eyebrow at the sound of it, your boss shrugged. “Just so that we won’t be disturbed. You understand. Please, take a seat.”

Steve moved first, lowering himself cautiously into one of the seats opposite your boss. You followed, hesitantly, hand itching to pull the gun on the inside of your blazer. Though you expressed complete nonchalance outwardly, you were currently going over every microinteraction you’d had at the company. Had something you’d said raised a red flag? Something you’d done?

“I wanted to speak to you both about your real intentions here,” your boss said. You swallowed hard. Shit.

Steve shifted beside you and you could practically smell the panic on him. You wanted to tell him to relax; visibly freaking out wasn’t helping either of your cases. Instead, you looked straight ahead and offered your boss and easy-going smile. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, sir.”

His jaw tightened. “Don’t lie to me.”

You felt your heart rate accelerate, but you put on a mask of shock and disappointment. “Sir, I’m not lying. I made my intentions at this company clear to you during my interview; I wanted experience in my chosen field, and I -”

“Cut the shit, Y/L/N!” His voice dropped an octave and he rose from his seat, staring down at you with something cruel in his eyes.

Your face morphed into fear and you worked on summoning tears; if you could just act your way out of this, you’d be fine. “Sir, please sit down. You’re scaring me.”

“C’mon, man,” Steve’s voice surprised you. “We just -”

“Please, Captain,” your boss switched his attention to Steve and you knew you were fucked. It was all over. “Spare me.”

You made an executive decision and stood quickly from your seat. Before your mark could react, your gun was pointed directly at his face. “Okay, new plan,” you said. The fake fear was gone, replaced with confidence and power. “You’re gonna sit down and chill the fuck out. We’re gonna take the intel we need and take this company down. Then we’re gonna slap some handcuffs on you and you’re gonna get what you deserve. Or I can pull the trigger, get the intel we need, take this company down, and leave you to bleed out. It’s your choice.”

In a flash, he was reaching out and pressing a button under his desk. You weren’t sure what it would do, but you knew it couldn’t have been good. As he pressed the button, you squeezed the trigger and watched him crumple to the floor.

By this point, Steve was standing as well. You looked at him and nodded to the door before moving to grab your boss’ key card from his jacket. This would give you access to the information you needed. “I don’t know what he did, but we need to get those files and get the fuck out.”

He nodded and followed you. This wasn’t ideal; you were wearing a blouse and dress pants, neither of which would offer much protection against weaponry, especially bullets, and Steve was most certainly without his shield. Hopefully whatever that button meant would take a while. You hid your gun under your blazer as you made your way through the office. If anyone had heard the gunshot, they certainly didn’t give any indication of it. “His office must have been soundproofed,” you observed, making sure only Steve could hear you. “That’s good.”

You reached the elevator and boarded, happy to see that no one else was present. In an instant, you had swiped your boss’ key card and entered the password that you’d been working on stealing for days. As a new set of buttons appeared, you found yourself profoundly grateful that you’d worked out the password on time.

“They keep all their information on a set of sublevels,” you said, scanning the new buttons and finally selecting one. “If our intel is correct, it should be here.”

You shot down to the correct level and unboarded the elevator. It felt like you had entered a high tech parking garage; the walls of the room that you entered were made of concrete, but the wall opposite the elevator was layered with all manner of security measures. Praying to God you were right about what you were about to do, you marched over and shot out the handprint scanner. The doors slid open.

“How did you know to do that?” Steve asked as he followed you into the maze of files.

You shrugged, drawing your gun once more just in case you encountered someone. “It worked in Star Wars.”

In a few minutes, you managed to track down the right filing cabinet. Thank God for organization systems. You browsed through the files inside and handed the ones you would need off to Steve. “Alright, let’s get the hell out of here.”

It seemed like you were in the clear, until you made your way back to the room with the elevator. As you re-entered the room, the doors opened to reveal a group of men that were definitely not your friends. You shot at one without thinking, only to discover he was definitely wearing bulletproof armor. “Okay, I guess we do this the old fashioned way.”

Steve kicked the files behind the two of you, to be retrieved after you’d finished kicking these guys’ asses.

The enemies converged in a swarm; you hit the first in the face with the butt of your gun, sending him sprawling to the ground. The second came at you faster than you were expecting and managed to grab your gun hand. Without really thinking, you pivoted and shoved your knee right into his balls. He sunk to his knees in front of you, so you ripped his helmet off and sent a bullet right through his skull. This may have been a bit excessive, but you hadn’t been trained for subtlety or grace. You just needed to get the job done.

You worked your way through the crowd until it was just you, Steve, and the last few enemies.

The last one that you faced was a doozy; he went for your legs and you landed hard on your back. As you grimaced and breathed hard, he took the opportunity to step over you and aim his gun right at your head. Letting out a savage growl, you reached up, grabbed his wrist, and dragged him down to the ground with you. It was risky, considering a bullet through your forehead wasn’t great for your health, but you didn’t have many options.

With him sprawled out next to you, you climbed on top of him and pinned his wrists with your knees. You shot him quick and dirty and rose to your feet, surveying the incapacitated men around you. “That was annoying,” you said, and Steve laughed as he retrieved the files.

Aside from the fact that you were covered in blood and panting, you managed to get yourselves together enough to walk out of the building without rousing too much suspicion. If anyone noticed the dishevelment, at least, they didn’t make any comments.

***

By the time you and Steve made it back to the hotel, your adrenaline had only diminished somewhat. The fact that you had made it back without anymore trouble did nothing to ease your nerves; if anything, it only put you on even higher alert. That was too easy, you kept thinking; this couldn’t have been over.

You put the files in your bag and sat out on the balcony, not bothering to remove any of your bloodied clothes or fix your appearance. You were too on edge. You fully expected more HYDRA agents to come through the door at any second.

As minutes ticked by, you prayed that maybe it was over. Maybe you could call it and go home. But still, the anxiety in your chest wasn’t easing up; the more it seemed that you were truly safe, the more your skin buzzed with nerves.

Finally, you decided enough was enough. Rationally, it was clear that you were no longer in danger; but your fight or flight instinct was still strong. You headed inside before you could change your mind. Your plan for easing some of this anxiety was something you were unsure about, something that could be easily rejected, but you needed a tether to reality.

You could only hope that Steve would be willing to provide that.

He was reclined on the bed, nose in a book. His hair was somewhat damp and he was no longer bloody. He looked up as you entered and, seeing the look on your face, immediately put the book to the side. But he didn’t speak. He’d let you do that on your own time.

“Steve…” you didn’t know where to begin. This was ridiculous. You took a deep breath. “I can’t wind down. Fighting is your thing, I’m… I’m more suited for the spy work. You know that. Whenever we fight, you know I get anxious. But it’s not going away this time.”

“Okay,” he replied, and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. “What do you need, doll?”

“I need…” your words died in your throat and you bit your lip. And then, in an instant, a levy broke. Fuck it.  “Steve, I need you.”

His brow furrowed, and then he smiled. He thought you wanted to be held, to be comforted. He clearly didn’t realize that that was the farthest thing from your mind. “You know you don’t have to ask about that. C’mere, we can -”

“No.” You drew his attention with just one word. His eyes widened as your blazer hit the ground, and then your pants, leaving you in just a blouse and underwear. “Steve, I need you to fuck me.”

“Y/N…” you could see the conflict in his eyes; the professional in him wanted to say no, but the part of him that wanted you - that loved you - was dying to say yes. You watched him mull it over, watched as he nodded and said, “okay, if you’re sure.”

You felt relief rush through your system. Before you could think about what to do next, you went to the bed and climbed onto it. You moved so you were straddling him and brought him into a deep kiss. His hands found your hips, lips moving against yours.

Yeah, you definitely should have done this sooner.

“Stevie, please,” your voice bordered on a whine as you pulled back just slightly from the kiss. Your hands were cupping his face, fingers digging into his temples. “Ruin me.”

These words stirred something deep within Steve. He let out a growl and you found yourself on your back with him hovering over you. His lips found their way to your neck and he sucked hickies around your jaw and collarbone, clearly marking you no matter what clothes you might wear to attempt to cover them. The thought of it drew a long moan from you, and you felt his hips stutter forward at the sound.

“I love you,” you heard him say, “I’ve loved you for so long.”

You carded your hands through his hair and drew him back up to your lips, reveling in the feeling of your tongues meeting, exploring. The kiss was charged with passion and one monumental realization:

You and Steve Rogers were most certainly not just friends.

His touch was working wonders to calm your nerves. The adrenaline and paranoia was melting away beneath him, but you needed more. You needed to be grounded, tethered to reality; to Steve.

You wrapped your legs around him and rolled your hips up into his, hoping he’d get the message. He rose up on his knees to, quite literally, rip your blouse off; buttons flew everywhere before he threw the fabric over his shoulder. Your eyes widened at his actions. That was, without a doubt, the single hottest thing you’d ever seen.

The next to go were your panties and bra, which shared a similar fate. You pawed at Steve’s shirt until he got the message and threw it off, along with the boxers that you assumed he’d been planning to wear to bed. As his lips returned to your neck and trailed down to your breast, you toyed with the thoughts in your head about how exactly you wanted this to go.

His lips curled perfectly around one of your nipples and you decided to make your request. If his needy actions and quick pace were any indication, you figured he’d be alright with what you needed.

“Steve,” you said, though it came out as more of a moan as he chose that moment to roll your other nipple between his fingers. He hummed in reply, obviously sensing you had something to say. Your words came out as a desperate gasp: “don’t be gentle.”

You felt Steve smirk against you and then he was tugging your nipple between his teeth. Instantly, your back arched and your hands flew to his head, fingers curling in his hair and pulling.

“My girl likes it rough,” he mused, and then he began kissing down your stomach. On occasion, he’d nip at your skin, sending shockwaves down your back and goosebumps down your arm. “I can work with that.”

Before you could really process, his hands found your hips and flipped you onto your stomach. You felt his hands trail down your back, path punctuated by a slap to your ass once he had reached it. You cried out and prayed to God the hotel had thick walls; this was going to be a loud night.

Steve’s fingers trailed over your slit, exploring you leisurely, keeping a close eye on your reactions. He watched the way you moaned when he flicked the pad of his thumb over your clit; the way you pushed back against him when just the tip of his finger pressed into your opening. He slapped your ass again and you made a sound that was somewhere between pleasure and frustration.

“Steve, please,” you said, rocking your hips back against him. The noise he made was something feral and deep; you looked over your shoulder to see his eyes absolutely burning with lust. His hand found his cock, hard against his stomach, and gave it a few pumps, obviously seeking to alleviate some tension. Channeling your best porn star moan, you met his eyes and said, “please, fuck me.”

He ran the tip of his cock along your slit, coating himself in your juices. You clenched around nothing, throbbing with even the idea of having him inside of you. As his dick slid inside of you, you let out a harsh moan and focused on relaxing for him. He was big, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

It only took a few seconds after he bottomed out for you to start begging him to move. With that go ahead, Steve set a punishing pace; his hips hit yours so hard and fast that, within minutes, the only sounds in the room were skin on skin and various moans, grunts, and growls.

Steve’s hand found your throat and pulled you flush against his chest. The new angle gave him access to even deeper parts of you and you squeezed your eyes shut, mouth hanging open in a silent scream. This was better than you’d ever thought it would be.

Your release approached quickly. You were chanting his name like a prayer, eyes still shut tight. One of your hands found his, the one that wasn’t holding you up, and this moment of tenderness in an otherwise feral fucking communicated things that you didn’t think words ever could. Steve buried his head in your neck just as you came, the pulsing of your cunt sending him over the edge.

You stayed like that for a minute, one of his hands in yours and the other curled around your neck, moving through the aftershocks together. As you came down from your highs, Steve gently pulled out and turned you so that you laid on your back. He then fell onto his side next to you and pulled you into his arms. You felt far more contented than you had before, your adrenaline rush finally dying down. You felt at peace.

“Thank you,” you murmured, head buried in his chest. When he chuckled, you felt the vibration of it pass through him.

“For what?”

“For calming me down. Sometimes you’re the only one who knows how.” This got no response, though you knew he was smiling that soft, dopey grin. You felt his fingers in your hair after a minute or so, felt him begin humming a soft, unfamiliar tune. And then something he had said in the heat of the moment struck you. “Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

His fingers stilled and you felt him tense. “I…” you couldn’t tell what he was struggling with, but you knew in your soul that the answer was yes. Maybe it was the work boundary, or your individual traumas, or some other unseen conflict. Still, you knew the answer was yes. It had to be yes.

“Because I love you,” you pulled back so you could look at him, flashing him a small smile. “I think I always have.”

The relief in his face shattered your heart a bit; had he been worried that you wouldn’t feel the same? His next words, however, put your heart back together and then some.

“Yeah, doll. I love you. More than anything.”

[willsimpforazula]

Fate/Cold War : Chapter 2

Because surprise surprise, I'm not just a full time ATLA person. Anyways, enjoy [or not, I'm not your mom/dad/parental figure/legal guardian]

--------

Laying in the back seat of the car, Artoria briefly closed her eyes and sighed. This wasn't how it was supposed to go down. If things went according to plan, they would have been safely ensconced in the Berliner Dom, out of reach of any interfering magi or Stasi. Ideally, of course.

Unfortunately, the addition of a listening bug threw everything into the nearby river. Which is how she ended up laying in the back seat of his car, pulling out the crossguard and hilt of her Black Key from a nondescript, wrinkled, brown paper bag.

"There's a car that has been tailing us for the past five minutes, correct? Just hum once for yes, twice for no." her almost bored voice asked.

"Mhm." Shirou hummed as the car drew up next to him. Moving her boot against the manual window crank, she slowly wound the window down, the squeakiness evident. Peeking a glance at his passenger, twin orbs of jade glared back at him as if to say Stop looking, you're going to draw attention to us and secondly, you should at least oil it every once in a while. Shaking his head and sighing, he turned his attention to the road ahead. While it was not out of the ordinary to be out at this time of night, not many had cars and thus, ran the risk of attracting the attention of the Stasi or worse, their KGB masters.

Hearing the sound of another car pull up beside them, Artoria whispered "She's pulled up beside us, hasn't she?"

"Mhm."

"She's got only one hand on the steering wheel, am I correct?"

"Mhm."

"There's only one of them, correct?"

"Mhm."

Muttering something to herself, she readied her Black Key. It was an awkward throwing angle to be sure, but Artoria had been in much more stickier situations.

"When you hear something that sounds like glass breaking, drive."

With a deep breath, her arm tensed, before she let fly on the exhale and pierced the window with her Black Key, which sliced the glass and shore one of the occupant's pigtails before sailing out the other side and into an alleyway. Taking it as his cue to move, Shirou floored the gas and sped off.

"Did you get her?"

"Let's hope she doesn't drive as quickly as she moves."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Shut up and drive, you carrot."

"Fuck you."

Manifesting another Black Key, she pointed it at him and replied "Keep talking and see if I don't cut your tongue off. Now take a right."

"Then an immediate left."

"Do you know where we're going?!"

"Yes, now-oomph!" Artoria whined as their stalker smashed her against theirs, causing her to be jostled around in the backseat. Fighting to keep level, both of them tried to ram the other off the road. Almost instinctively, the redhead and the pigtailed lady sized up the situation and yanked the handbrakes, pulling a handbrake turn that left her car careening into a pile of rubble.

Shaking her head, the pigtailed pursuer cursed and immediately reversed out, quickly resuming the high speed chase through the narrow streets of East Berlin. Thinking on his feet, Shirou quickly pulled into another handbrake turn, sliding his car neatly between two other vehicles and killing the lights when he heard a familiar sputter. Coincidently, his face ended up right next to Artoria when he reclined, who was none too pleased about getting this close to the redhead.

"Is he gone yet?"

"I don't think so. If I think she is who I think she is, I highly doubt she'll fall for such a trick."

"So what do we do?" Shirou hissed.

"Shut up and let me think!" she hissed back.

Glancing at the rear view mirror, they saw the car briefly stop and the brake lights flash red. With time running out, Artoria decided to take a gamble and told Shirou to reverse down the sidewalk and drive around the block.

"What are you trying to do?"

"Just trust me on this one. Meet me here afterwards." Though not her most favourite tool, she was glad she had Carnwennan with her on this specific mission. Using Shirou as bait, she stepped out of the car and strapped the small dagger to her belt before pulling out three Black Keys.

This time, she would make damn sure their pursuer would not be chasing them for a long while. Cloaked in the shadows, she waited until her car drove past the parking spot, before stepping out from behind one of the parked cars and hurling the Black Keys at where she assumed her head and shoulders were. Not something that was particularly pleasant, but extreme times called for extreme measures. As it stood, she knew she was bound to get an earful from her handler about the commotion tonight.

Seeing the way the car careen into the sidewalk, Artoria was about to head over and pick up the Keys when something in her gut told her that it was probably a good idea to whip out one more Black Key.

Just in case.

Laying in the car, Rin was angry.

Very, very angry.

Not because of the fact that her opponent almost killed her twice in the span of 10 minutes, but she ruined her outfit for one and secondly, shorn off half of her pigtail. Thirdly, she was forced to use whip out her offensive gems, something that she absolutely loathed as though she was well off, gems didn't exactly grow on trees, high quality cut pieces even more so.

Still, now was not the time to sulk but strategize and think of a way to outwit her opponent. Unwittingly, her mind flashed back to her briefing by Waver Velvet, also known as El-Melloi II about her counterpart.

----

"So, who's this lucky girl?"

"Her name is Artoria. Artoria Pendragon. A unique one, she is."

"How so?"

"Well, she's what one might call a demi-Servant."

"Demi-Servant?"

"Details are hazy but what we do know is that Artoria Pendragon is hosting the heroic spirit of King Arthur."

"Wouldn't her identity and soul be eventually consumed by the heroic spirit?"

"Typically yes, but I believe that due to her ancestry, she is the exception rather than the rule."

"So how did she end up working for the Agency?"

"You can thank some of our less than ethical compatriots in the Spiritual Evocation department. After many attempts at kidnapping her to study, someone from the Agency caught wind and offered her protection."

"The Church does not simply hand such offers out without a steep payment."

"Indeed. The price of their protection would be service as an Executor for an unspecified length of time, in addition to handling some of their more secular covert activities. No doubt it was an offer she couldn't refuse, not after they came perilously close to ending up in one of the labs here in the Clock Tower against her will."

"What's stopping her from killing me on site then, given her past history with mages?"

"Not if you kill her first."

Easier said than done, Waver, Rin thought to herself just as she burst out of the wreck the same time Shirou pulled up to meet back with Artoria.

Timing her shot, she hurled a small gem at them,which slid under their tyre and she uttered the words "Bersten!"

Immediately, the rear left tyre burst open, sending sparks careening every which way. Having little choice, she swallowed one of the gems and reinforced her legs, before taking after the car.

From the rear view mirror, Shirou gulped and yelled at Artoria "I thought you killed her?!"

"I thought so too!"

A sudden bump turned their attention back towards the rear just as they were about to enter a screaming match.

"You can't be serious." Artoria mumbled in disbelief as Rin reinforced her arms and latched onto the car, which was struggling to get up to speed.

"Now you've got your chance, do whatever it is you-you magicians do!"

"First off, I'm not a magician and secondly, it just doesn't seem right." Artoria replied, a little hint of admiration in her voice at the tenacity of their pursuer to continue the chase. Finally, the almost comical scene ended with a crunch of metal shearing, earning Artoria another set of dirty looks.

"Do you know how much time it took to get all the pieces to build this car!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You better be. Maybe you could make some gold appear out of thin air for me or something for compensation, how bout that?"

"Whatever, carrot man." she replied with an eyeroll.

"Stop calling me that!"

"Now take a left and then an immediate right." she ordered as sirens were now wailing in the distance.

"This is a dead end."

"No it's not, trust me."

"Are you for real?!"

"Just trust me."

"Considering you failed to kill her twice, somehow I doubt that."

"I'm hurt." she sarcastically replied, while putting on her best kicked kitten impression. Unable to withstand the pressure of those shimmering emerald orbs and quivering lips, not to mention her ahoge twitching, Shirou smacked his fist on the wheel and grumbled. Predictably, the car got stuck in between two narrow buildings, mere feet away from the Berlin Wall.

"Now all we have to do is just vault over two 20 foot walls, a couple of machine gun towers, a pack of angry dogs and a minefield. Are you sure?"

Not even bothering to entertain his outbursts, she leant over him and rolled down the window, the scent of fresh flowers and vanilla filling Shirou's personal space, making him blush at their close proximity. With the window wound down, she merely pointed at the window and said "Take a left."

[braindamageforbeginners]

Integrity

How much would you sell your integrity for? Go ahead, think of an eight-digit figure, no one will know, and I’ll get on. So, when I was in grad school, in the late Triassic, I was in a bioethics (medical ethics) class taught by a former surgeon-turned-lawyer-turned-professor  (he retired as a successful surgeon, got bored, went to law school, and wound up as a lecturer). He mentioned in class that he once had an idea for a novel involving breast implants being used as a smuggling platform. His agent suggested using the idea himself, and the lawyer-surgeon thought he wouldn’t be able to get enough out of it to be worth it. His (the professor’s) point was, if you sell your integrity or professional reputation, make sure you can retire on it. He wasn’t advocating in favor of corruption, he was trying to make the point that, if you’re going to do, go big immediately. So, with all that in mind, what’s your integrity worth? I’ll bet you it isn’t even the price of an expensive speeding ticket, in practicality. To paraphrase B. Wooster, I’m not speaking without knowledge of the form book.

Those of you who follow the news may recall that there were lots and lots of protests and demonstrations today about the current administration’s decision to invest in human trafficking (yes, I’m liberal, but, at the same time, there are still almost 2000 children unaccounted for, and, if memory serves, children in situations involving cells don’t last very long unless a grown-up is keeping careful track and demanding something be done). There was one supposed to be happening in my zip code, and I went - or tried to go (I’m tired, I’m limping today)(see yesterday’s blow-out if that confuses you), however, the local organizers hadn’t gotten the appropriate permit, which was probably both bad planning on their part and a result of a recent temporary measure passed by city council banning large groups of people (which is an absurd measure in Southern California in the summer when you’re a few miles from the beach). We were told by the organizers that protest groups were still allowed, provided that we stay in groups of under 50. I was extremely tired, and my step-mother pointed out that she’d had enough bureaucratic fun for a lifetime negotiating a raise for teachers in her district (I’m sure a vicious, vindictive, bully-aligned local council will absolutely honor that contract). I was also tired and readily-persuaded at this point, so we just trudged back to the car. It wasn’t until later, and a little research, that we found that illegal picketing/protesting is an infraction. That’s not exactly chump change, but once you realize that’s all you sold your (political, in my case) integrity for, it starts to rankle. Now, this was a local, relatively minor event, but, if you take anything away from my experiences, it’s that human lives are tiny, measurable increments that we just add up; it’s not like you’re going to suddenly win the lottery and/or get decades and millions of dollars to fritter away. No. It’s about what you do in the next couple of hours that might add up to a longer or healthier life. Sadly, since mirazomib has gone on to Stage 3 testing, it’s unlikely I’ll ever be called into my physicians’ office and told, “This will either kill you, or cure you” in a dramatic fashion - the best I can do is just show up every Tuesday and keep improving my blood pressure and heart rate. Same thing to all my religious friends, it’s unlikely you’re ever going to have a gun pointed at you because of what you believe (this is in reference to a very weird chain-email in the 90′s which - you can look it up), and Satan’s not going to call you up an buy your soul for three wishes. Instead, you’ll be politely asked in the afterlife how many hospitals and women’s shelters you drove past on your way to church or temple. I really hope you’re more happy  with your answer than I was this morning (Anne Frank isn’t going to show up on your doorstep at any point - if you’re not already sheltering wanted minorities, you don’t get to meet her); but, at the same time, this was just a single incident (the next big scandal/crisis will have my full attention because I have no doubt it’ll be to defund medicaid or the NIH - again, I’m reliant on both).

In closing, I’d like to point out that I was accused of bravery in a recent cancer support group meeting, and, like all the cancer patients, I kind of shrugged, like every other cancer patient, but I didn’t realize until this morning, most other people have this crippling (yes, I am a cripple - especially after that damned hike), near-claustrophobic tunnel-vision about their comfort and ideal lives. Which is great, but, once you realize that’s a carefully-maintained illusion that’s just waiting for an oncologist’s second opinion, you just stop caring about what people will do when they find out XYZ or that you didn’t vote for the union’s recommended budget, or whatever - you don’t give half a fuck (this is contrasting my response to this morning of, “Maybe give it ten minutes” to Step-Mom’s response of “We should leave now”). Everyone else spends so much time worrying about impressing other people who might know people that they censor themselves unnecessarily or worry what their peers will think - cancer patients - of all kinds - have lost that luxury, and had the veil pierced. I can understand how being completely disinterested in preserving the next/last three years of life is - if you’ve already bought into the system - a weird form of bravery, but, from those of us who’ve seen behind the curtain, all I can say is, it’s only courage if you’ve spent your whole life playing by the rules in the hope that’ll protect you. SIDE NOTE: my relationship with the Warlocks and their medical representatives improved dramatically - as, I’d like to think, my life expectancy did - when somewhere around Week 3 or 4 of the initial therapy (you can go back in the archives), I told Research Coordinator - after he’d asked me about what I would or would be interested in, therapeutically, and when the bestest time for me was - I just told him, point blank, “I don’t know about you, but I am in this to win it. Sir, I trust that you’re all highly-respected professionals, otherwise [Mad Scientist] wouldn’t have referred me so let me make this clear. If you think shoving a bicycle up me at an early hour would confer a better outcome than what’s on the table, I’ll be in the lab at two am with lube and a smile. In the meantime, just sign me up for whatever gives me the best odds, and I’ll make sure I’m there.” That’s bold, to be sure, and I wouldn’t go for it if I had the normal life expectancy, but, here’s the thing: when time actually counts, you’d be amazed at how you lose your other inhibitions and just use your teeth when it counts. I mean, I failed today, but now that I know my loathsome local council has set their Mercedes window safety at such a low number, I’ll be interested to see how it turns out the next time.

[wjrnow]

Sports Bra Guide

A good fitted sports bra is a must-have for every woman who works out. In fact, it is not just a workout accessory but also has positive effects on your performance. Wearing one every time you hit the gym or go for a run can protect your breasts and help you make the most of your exercises. Thinking of buying a sports bra for the gym? Now, the main challenge is to find the best one from the plenty of options available in the market, but how do you know which one is right? We have carried out comprehensive research on everything you need to know before buying a gym bra to help you make an informed decision. To make your search simple, we have covered:

The reasons to wear a sports bra

Different types available for varied purposes,

Anatomy of a correctly fitted bra

Steps to find the right size

A detailed buyer’s guide

And answered the frequently asked questions.

What Are the Benefits of Wearing A Sports Bra?

Before you delve into the fancy stuff, it is important to know sports bra benefits while exercising or even going for a run.

Maintains Support

They are crucial for maintaining the shape of the breasts. Not choosing to wear a supportive bra during the workout for long can lead to tearing of Cooper’s ligaments around the breasts, which results in saggy breasts. A right sports bra can provide enough support and prevent drooping of breasts permanently.

Stop Discomfort While Exercising

Apart from the health hazards that gym bras can prevent, it can also help you workout confidently. Exercising or running involves a lot of movements, which lead the breasts to move up and down, which can be both painful and also uncomfortable. Wearing the right bra can hold everything in place and also help you stay in your comfort zone.

Reduce Breast Pain

One of the most important reasons for buying a sports bra for the gym is that it can help reduce breast pain. Intensive breast movements while working out can be very painful. Wearing the right bra can prevent your breasts from being squashed by minimizing its movements.

Maintains Body Temperature

Gone are those days when gym wear was entirely made of cotton. Today, sports bras are made of a variety of fabrics to give you the best. The one’s available today are made of stretchable absorbent fabric that reduces the irritation caused by sweat at the same time maintaining airflow to keep you cool.

Storage Pockets

Have you ever forgot your home/car keys in the gym? Most of us have at least once in our lives. Brands design them keeping every aspect in mind, and they have come up with bras having pockets for you to store your keys, and an MP3 player too. Your sports bra will securely hold your keys, and you no more have to worry about losing it again.

Minimize Shoulder and Back Pain

Women with large breasts often complain of shoulder and back pain during a workout. Wearing the right bra for exercises will take the strain away from your back and shoulders, keeping them pain-free. Now that you are aware of the significance of wearing a gym bra during exercising or running let’s have a look at the different styles available.

Different Types of Sports Bras for Workout

With plenty of styles available in the market, you might be confused about which one to choose. We have listed the workout bra uses with its types to help you make the right decision.

Racerback – Are you worrying about straps falling off during workouts? We have a solution to this. Go for the racerback style, which will cling to your body perfectly. Ideal for – Running and rowing

Encapsulated – This type is designed in a way to provide support to each breast separately. Thus, helping to maintain breast shape. Ideal for – Low-intensity workouts

Padded – All those looking for a little extra, this type is for them. Sports bra padded gives your breasts a fuller look and the required support. Ideal for – All kinds of workouts

Front Fastening – Want a gym bra that is easy to wear and remove? The front fastening workout bra is for you. There are two types of front fastening available – Zip or hook. Ideal for – Post-surgery low-intensity workout

Compression – If you are looking for a gym bra with max level support and minimum movement, compression is the ideal choice. It compresses the breasts close to the body, minimizing movements and giving you full support. Ideal for – High-intensity workouts and running

Under-Wired – This type gives extra shaping to the breasts, along with essential support. Ensure the right fit for the required comfort. Ideal for – All kinds of workouts

Non-Wired – Non-wired gym bra is another type that provides great shape and essential support. Ideal for – Low-intensity workouts

High Impact – As the name says, this type is the one that provides maximum support while performing high impact exercises. Ideal for – high-intensity workouts

Low Impact – If you have just started working out and involved in squats and yoga, this style is perfect for you. Ideal for – Low-intensity workouts

Anatomy of A Perfectly Fitted Gym Bra

Band

The band is the primary source that provides maximum support to the breasts during exercises. A good fit bra should be snug around your ribs, but make sure it’s not too tight. How do you check if it is too tight or just perfect? Tuck two fingers between the band and your body, and if you feel comfortable, it’s the right fit. Prefer a wide band over narrow ones for maximum support.

Shoulder Straps

They reduce breast movement during workouts or runs. A perfectly fitted strap will not fall off your shoulder or dig into it. How do you check the right fit? Just like how you did with the band, fit two fingers between the strap and your shoulder, if you feel comfortable, its the right size. Many gym bras come with adjustable straps for you to have control over the strap fitting.

Closure

Most workout bras are pulled over the head; many come with front and back closure. These kinds are easier to put on and off. Apart from the simple wearability, they even give you the control to adjust the fit.

Tip – In a back closure bra, when new, always hook to the furthest hook so that with time when the fabric stretches, you can use the closest hook for a perfect fit.

‘Wick Away Moisture’ Fabric

Who likes to bathe in sweat while working out. Choose a workout bra made of wicking fabrics that move away moisture from your skin and ensure maximum airflow.

Steps to Measure the Right Workout Bra Size

How do I know what size gym bra to get? Is this question running in your mind from the time you decided to buy one for your exercising routine? We are here to help you!

There is no universal guide to a perfectly fitted bra, as each body is different. We have a fit guide that can help you find the right basic size.

Note: You may require additional fine-tuning with the steps mentioned below to find your right size gym bra.

Step 1: Measure Your Rib Cage

Measure the area around your rib cage. Make sure the tape is not too tight that you are not able to even breathe properly. Round off to the nearest inch.

Step 2: Band Size

The band size depends on the measurements of your rib cage. Consider the chart below for band size:

[ninja_tables id=”1019″]

Step 3: Bust Size

Measure the fullest part of your bust. Make sure the tape is straight across the bust. Round off the measurement to the nearest inch.

Step 4: Cup Size

The gym bra cup size is determined by ‘bust measurement minus rib cage measurement.’ Round off to the nearest inch. The difference between the two is your cup size. Consider the table below for details:

[ninja_tables id=”1021″]

Sports Bra Buyer’s Guide

Apart from the right fit, there are various aspects that you need to keep in mind while buying a gym bra. Finding the right one can be overwhelming. Read through the buyer’s guide to make your purchase simpler.

Size

Buying the right size bra is very important to get all the benefits attached to wearing one. The size of a gym bra and the regular bra is the same, but before you head out to buy one, consider the fit guide mentioned above to be certain.

Kind of Workout

The support that a gym bra provides depends on the kind of exercises you are planning to buy it for. For example, if you perform high-intensity exercises, then getting a bra that will give adequate support to the breasts during such activities will be favorable. If you get a high impact bra that is designed to give extra support to your breasts for low-intensity workouts, then you be uncomfortable wearing it.

Front/Back Closure

No doubt, the pull over the head gym bras take a few seconds to wear, but the back and front fastening bras also do not take much time. So then why should one go with the front or back closure? The different levels of closure at the back or front provide extra support, so ditch the pullovers and go with the clasp ones.

Panels

Always look for a bra that has panels because more panels ensure more support. A gym bra having no panels can look stylish, but the level of support it may provide will not be as good as the ones with several panels, so choose wisely!

Style

This feature certainly boils down to personal preference. There are many styles of gym bras available in the market, like racerback, high impact, compression, front fastening, padded, etc. The style of bra that you choose will depend on your likes, but also keep in mind the type and level of workout you will carry out. For instance, if your workout involves a lot of hand lifting, then choosing a racerback bra is preferred.

In the same way, if your regular bra is an underwired, then sticking to an underwired gym bra makes sense. The same is the case with sports bra padded or non-padded. For that extra comfort during the initial days of your workout, always choose the style you are familiar with.

Jump Test

As simple as it sounds. Put on the bra, jump up and down in front of the mirror. Turn to your side and notice what’s happening with your breasts. If you notice even a slight bulge, it’s time to choose another.

Design

A good design bra can motivate you. Only because you are buying a gym bra doesn’t mean you have to compromise on the design. There are varieties of colors and prints available online. No doubt, the fit, and comfort matter the most, but a good looking bra will lift your spirits.

Sports Bra Buying Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Is it OK to wear a sports bra all the time?

Yes definitely! They are not just limited to workouts! Make sure the gym bra is dry, and you are comfortable wearing it. Bras that are wire-free and soft are generally recommended if you want to wear it throughout the day.

Q. Is it OK to Sleep in A Sports Bra?

Dr. Seth Rankin, the private founder of the London Doctors Clinic, has explained this very well. Breast sagging is an unavoidable fact and can be due to various other reasons like breastfeeding, genetics, weight loss or gain, smoking, etc. and thus proving the effect of wearing bras to sleep with all these factors can be very difficult to measure.

He says that wearing a bra to sleep is inessential because while you lay down on the bed, gravity pushes the breasts towards your chest, which goes opposite the sagging theory in which gravity pulls down the breasts towards your toes.

Q. What Happens if you Don’t Wear a Gym Bra?

Wearing a bra gives the required support to your breasts while working out or even walking. Not wearing one can lead to discomfort, breast pain, and also hunching. Studies say that not wearing a bra over a period of time can lead to sagging breasts.

Q. Is it OK to Run without A Bra?

A big no-no! Running makes your breasts move up and down constantly, and not wearing a bra while running can cause severe breast pain. Not just this, it can make the breast ligaments lose its strength, leading to saggy breasts.

Now that you know how important it is to wear a sports bra for your workout, ensure to invest in a good one following the tips mentioned above to reap the health benefits that it provides.

[politicaltheatre]

To Heal

And just like that, Joe Biden is president.

For all of the talk about “transition”, the moment he was sworn in, at long, precarious last, was everything. It made the election concrete, if not entirely in the eyes of enough Americans something set in stone.

Still, Biden’s journey from local Delaware politician to the Oval Office took him almost fifty years, an era that with the benefit of time and distance will be known both for its advances in technology and social equality as well as its exponentially widening imbalances of wealth and power. Biden’s career has covered the length of it, and, for better or worse, he will now be remembered as one of its central figures.

It wasn’t always so obvious that he would be. Looking back just to the end of the 20th century, he was entirely forgettable, a senator who had done little that anyone noticed, and what they did did little to impress. His best work, in that it achieved results, was done behind the scenes, working the backrooms and corridors of the Senate and House to get things done.

In that way, Joe Biden most resembles Lyndon Johnson when he served Texas in the House and then the Senate. Johnson, too, served as Vice President to a young and green president who, like Barack Obama, had only served part of his first term in the Senate before winning the presidency.

Johnson had a notoriously bad relationship with Kennedy, but his relationships in Congress helped Kennedy and then himself in getting civil rights legislation passed despite resistance from its racist members. However, those close, chummy relationships also hampered him in pushing that legislation as far as it needed, and still needs, to go.

When we look at the 1960s, we tend to think of the Space Age and going to the moon as the big, presidential achievements, downplaying things like civil rights, Medicare, and Medicaid, and that’s understandable. It was the peak of the Cold War, and money was spent where it would hurt our adversaries the most.

As much fun as it may have been to beat the Soviets to the moon - and creating technology that shapes our lives today -  this also had the effect of spending billions of dollars and tens of thousands of American lives (not to mention millions of Southeast Asian lives) in a catastrophic war in and around Vietnam.

Still, in those two things we were united as never before, excited and then indifferent as we followed the space program, and blindly patriotic and then angrily disillusioned as we followed Johnson’s war.

It wasn’t really his war, though. It was Eisenhower and Kennedy’s before him and Nixon’s after, and each of them had bipartisan support throughout, men and women elected to represent the best interest of their constituents. They all failed.

So, unity is important, and at a time such as this we should grateful to have a president putting that ideal out front as the core goal of his first, and possibly only, four years, but despite President Biden’s clear desire for us to come together and achieve, as he called it in his inaugural speech, “the most elusive of all things in a democracy”, unity as an end cannot be allowed to justify the means it takes to get there, not when the easiest way is simply to forget what has divided us so bitterly and so dangerously.

We would do better to heed these words from his previous speech, the one he as President-Elect gave just the night before: “To heal, we must remember. It’s hard sometimes to remember, but that’s how we heal.”

For us to remember what was done in the past four years and in the decades that led us to the riot on January 6th, we must not fear embarrassing those responsible or hurting the feelings of those with the power to stand in the way of remembering, not if our goal truly is to heal.

We must feel free to talk about it. We must feel free to call out those who seek to bury the past and their own accountability with it. We must feel free to challenge them when they, with the same depraved indifference that has led us to the public health and economic crises we now face, seek to keep us on the same path that led us here.

That’s the trouble with President Biden’s calls for “unity”. If he and his Democratic allies in Congress are the only ones actually willing to compromise, which was the case during the Obama administration, not only will he not be able to achieve more than getting us only partially back to where we were before Trump, he will not be able to prevent even worse from being done once he, too, is gone.

Biden will surely be tempted to restore America to what is was, perhaps even to that ideal of the “American Experiment”, and consider that a success. Congressional Republicans, however, will be looking to hold onto what they gained for themselves and their benefactors in the past four years, all of it, and will do everything in their reduced power to stand in Biden’s way.

It’s only been a day, but Trump’s minions have shown every intention of continuing on as they have been. In Congress, Republicans have already shown signs that they have every intention of using the same playbook against Biden that they used against Obama. Already, cabinet nominations are being blocked by Republicans hoping to gain leverage, and any notion of power sharing in the split Senate comes only with higher and higher price tags the longer negotiations drag on.

Make no mistake, now-former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s seeming repudiation of Donald Trump and his Capitol-attacking goon squad is not a sign of seeing the light and salvation of Unity. Rather, it signals something more significant: Donald Trump has served his purpose and now, in McConnell’s eyes, may be disposed of.

That’s who Mitch McConnell is. That is how he thinks. He uses people then throws them away. That, in his eyes, is what they’re for. That’s how he sees the world. He believes, or wants to believe, that we all think that same way, too.

This is the part of the right wing that strivers like Donald Trump never really understand, and that in no small way is why they all end the way they do. That Trump was popular and influential made him useful; now that Trump is neither, just a has-been, wannabe autocrat facing lawsuits and criminal charges, he’s a liability, useful only for one thing and that is being seen to be ostracized.

Odds are, McConnell stopped taking Trump’s calls weeks ago. He would have done well in Hollywood. Like Hollywood, Washington only ever changes when faced with scandal, and those brought down are only ever the ones who can no longer deliver profits. Its stars rise and fall in the same way. It’s the money they can make for you that counts.

McConnell has succeeded in politics because the culture of our politics rewards that same way of thinking. He is ruthless and calculating, which you and I may hate but which many in Washington and in his party in particular love.

That said, it can be defeated. Well, it can be mitigated. It won’t go away entirely. It will always be part of us. That, however, does mean we cannot teach ourselves the necessary lessons that will save us now and help us avoid repeating the same mistakes and falling into the same patterns that have led us so close to disaster.

For us heal, our health as a people and as a democracy cannot and must not be measured by our ability, pushed by so many Congressional Republicans in the past two weeks, simply to set what went wrong behind us and “move on”. We cannot allow that to be enough. If we merely close and bandage our wounds, so to speak, and attempt to move on, those wounds will fester and the infection will continue to spread.

If it seems wrong to compare all of this to a disease in the middle of a pandemic, it isn’t. The misinformation, divisiveness, and violence that were exploited on January 6th spread virally, yes? Politicians and business leaders have been profiting from that viral spread for years, yes?

We must think of this in those terms, so that we may recognize and understand what it was that has harmed us and, at its worst, threatened our survival. It still does, both literally and figuratively. What we learn we may spread the same way, though for less profit. Those lessons will be like cultural antibodies that, if we succeed, we may pass down to protect future generations.

If, then, we follow President-Elect Biden’s advice to remember and we resist attempts by McConnell and others to move on in order to forget, we stand a chance. That means calling these “dead-ender” attempts out for what they are and challenging them openly. If not, they will persist. Allowed to persist, they will thrive.

Take, for example, Georgia Representative Madison Cawthorn. At the tender age of 25, he has the name, good looks, and story of overcoming adversity to go far in national politics. He is also just as much of a craven, self-serving racist as the now-former president he vocally supported on January 6th, both before and after the riot.

Cawthorn essentially ran on a platform of protecting America’s White identity, its “heritage”, and was made to apologize for at least one openly racist ad during his campaign. He was, before and after that day, a proud supporter of those very same radicalized and delusional rioters who violently forced their way into the Capitol waving Confederate and Nazi flags in the name of saving…the country that fought and defeated them both.

Yesterday, Cawthorn signed a letter with other incoming Republican representatives pledging to work with President Biden to achieve common goals and, through them, build unity. Given Cawthorn’s ongoing support of white supremacists and the violence of January 6th, how can anyone trust that?

During the Obama administration, McConnell and his House allies would condemn Democrats’ refusal to submit to their demands as a refusal to compromise. To them, that’s what “compromise” meant: submission by the other side.

It meant the same to them during George W. Bush’s administration and during Newt Gingrich’s run in Congress during the late 90s. That is what is will surely mean to Republicans in Congress now, and that surely include Cawthorn and those who share his “exceptional” world view.

To the right wing, “unity” is when all others submit. “Peace” is when all others submit. For them to compromise and commit to the peaceful sharing and exercise of power is an affront to the world they want to live in. They won’t do that. They just won’t, not willingly, not without Biden and the Democrats openly and fearlessly calling them out on it.

It can’t be enough to joke about it, as late night hosts and sketch shows did during the Bush years and early on in Trump’s. It can’t be enough to credulously accept lies and distractions, as network and print journalists did for so very, very long before Trump declared open warfare on them. It can’t be enough to rely on “the art of the possible” as an excuse for falling short. Again.

As trite as it sounds, healing does take time. In this case, that will be because it is our culture needs to change. The way we see some people as disposable needs to change. The way we accept less from those in power needs to change. And by “change”, we should mean, “stop”.

Our memory of these times will be essential to creating that change, the change that truly enables us to heal. Memories are a lot like antibodies. They are the basis of the stories we tell, the foundation of the worlds we build. Their strength and effectiveness at keeping us healthy and alive depends on how strongly and effectively we hold onto those memories of why we succeeded and, more importantly, why we failed. To forget is failure.

Never forget.

- Daniel Ward

[winterverses]

Chapter Ten

Click the hearts for the deleted scenes!

The few days left before docking at Yorktown fled quickly. To Anne, they were something like heaven. With useful work to do all day, kind and considerate colleagues, and frequent visits with Captain Kirk, instead of Tarenn and Loche and their demands and cruelty, she felt more sure than she had since before she’d been a captive. The possibility of the mind meld lurked below her thoughts, though, popping up at odd moments to torment her. Granting access to her mind was something that, in her previous life, she wouldn’t have hesitated to do just to know what it felt like. As it stood now, her mind had long been her only sanctuary and she was frightened of letting anyone into it.

If only it had been Kirk that was capable of the mind meld. She wouldn’t hesitate then; she knew that he was the kind of person who couldn’t stand by and watch others be abused. She wondered, sometimes, if there wasn’t something related to that in his past. No one became the sort of daredevil child he’d referenced for no reason. And it was plain that he idealized his father to a degree much greater than he would have if his father figure while growing up had been the same kind of upstanding person. But he hadn’t said anything directly, and she wouldn’t pry. She knew better.

He’d taken to seeing her for an hour in the morning, before they started their shifts, letting her spill out the details of her captivity in measured doses, and then coming to have dinner with her in the evenings, where they would talk about anything and everything else. She’d glossed over some of the worst parts of her captivity with Tarenn during Kirk’s cross-examination of her, but she hadn’t left anything out. By now he knew most of it, if not the more awful things that had happened elsewhere. Nothing she’d said had shaken his confidence in her. It was a good feeling, to know he believed the things she said and trusted in her account of her captivity, even with her memory issues.

Anne knew, though, that those holes in her memory contained things that could be helpful. And by the time they docked at Yorktown, she knew she would have to go through with the mind meld. She just hadn’t said anything yet.

She had the trial to think of.

The practice questioning with Kirk had been helpful, but she still wasn’t sure if she could speak in front of an auditorium full of people. And she hadn’t mentioned anything about what had gone on with Loche, not at all. There was the possibility that it might come up during questioning.

It would definitely come up during the mind meld. It was the whole purpose of the mind meld.

There was no help for it. One way or another, she'd have to admit to the blood on her hands.

She would rather reveal it to Kirk before any of that. Indeed, as the Enterprise was docking, she lingered in her quarters, in hopes that he would stop there before disembarking and she could speak to him privately. Instead, he summoned her to the docking passage.

Anne briefly considered whether to bring anything with her, and decided against it. She’d been in contact with Mason, and he would have set something up for her by now. The Enterprise could use the materials of her borrowed clothes to synthesize other things. She smoothed her dress. It was a simple sleeveless dress, white, with a modest bateau neckline and a flared skirt that swirled around her calves. With her hair caught up in her customary French twist, she felt she looked presentable enough for the Council. Cosmetics and all that would have hidden the marks her captivity had left.

As she made her way to the docking passage, she reflected that she would miss the intimidating bustle of the passageways and the purposeful strides of the crew members. It was nice to be in a place where everyone had a function and knew it, even if she couldn't be a part of it. And she was still doing better than some. She’d seen the other slaves from time to time, but none of them wanted to associate with her, or each other. They had been traded back and forth for longer than she had; they weren’t adjusting well to freedom. They didn’t want her interference. It was the crew that Anne had started to bond with, and she hadn’t even felt secure enough to start talking to them.

It felt like goodbye. Mason would have gotten her an apartment already. He’d been his same old snobby British self when she’d contacted him, as abrasive and domineering as ever even when he was trying to be protective. Although he’d been her agent since her first book, she couldn’t handle talking to him long in her fragile state. But she wouldn’t have had to tell him what kind of apartment or what things she needed; he’d take care of it without her asking. He knew what she wanted. Still, leaving the ship felt… isolating. It was an odd and unaccustomed emotion. She’d preferred to be alone for so long.

When she approached Kirk, she knew he could see the wistfulness in her face. He was good at reading her. She was a little intimidated that he was standing with a whole group: Spock, McCoy, and a beautiful dark-complected woman that Anne didn’t know. They were all in grey formal Starfleet uniforms, ready for the trial. Kirk stepped forward to meet her. “Tarenn’s already been taken from the ship and put in Yorktown’s custody. The trial will be in an hour, so we should get going.”

Anne nodded. “I’m as ready as I can possibly be,” she said gravely. She was still afraid she might break down on the stand. “I need to speak to you privately,” she said, darting a quick glance at the others. “It’s not good.”

Kirk looked at the others, and then led her a short distance away. “I can’t really afford anything more private than this at the moment. Is something wrong?” His eyes searched her face, concerned.

Anne glanced back at the group waiting for them, and then said, “No. Sorry. But if something I haven’t told you comes up in the trial, please try not to judge me too harshly.”

Kirk blinked, frowned, nonplussed by her statement. “No one’s going to hold anything you did while you were a captive against you.” His expression said that they damn well better not.

Somewhat comforted, though still worried, Anne nodded. “All right. But I do want you to remember that there’s more than I told you, and it’s worse. Much worse. My other… owner… was hellish.”

Jaw tightening, Kirk had to take a moment to clear his scowl. “And that’s who I’ll be hunting next. I’ve had orders from Starfleet Command that pending the outcome of the trial, the Enterprise will be heading back out to catch the rest of the smuggling ring and any of their clients we can find.”

Sighing, Anne sagged a bit. Knowing he would be on the mission relieved her; he would find them. She knew it. “All right. Good. I guess we should go, then.”

Kirk motioned to the others, and they fell in around Anne like a phalanx, insulating her from anyone else. Anne snuck a glance toward the woman, wondering who she was, and accidentally caught her eye. “Don’t worry,” the woman said, smiling reassuringly. “You’re gonna be okay. We’re with you.”

Anne felt herself give an automatic smile in return, despite the pit that was growing in her stomach. If this was the quality of people that Starfleet recruited, maybe she’d have done well in it after all.

The Council chamber was huge and crowded with sentients of all kinds. An assortment of high-ranking people sat in a semicircle across the back of the room, and the auditorium in front of them was packed with all sorts, both Starfleet and civilians, though no media was allowed. Anne had never been in a Federation court before, and while she was intimidated, some part of her was also avidly trying to memorize every detail, every impression. When she could write again, she might need the remembrance of this scene.

Kirk led the group to some seats near the bottom, seating her between himself and McCoy. As everyone made their way to their appointed places, he murmured in her ear, “Uhura, Bones, and I are testifying as well. Spock is here for moral support.”

Anne couldn’t help some silent, puzzled humor at the idea. She’d been friendly with a couple of Vulcans before her capture, and that wouldn’t have been a consideration for any she’d known. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe Kirk was just trying to keep her mind off the trial.

It seemed like too short a time before the man in the center of the curving Council table, the name Vice-Admiral Landau engraved on a plaque in front of him, banged his gavel. The crowd fell silent. “We are here to determine the guilt or innocence of one Gamel Tarenn. Come to order. Bring the defendant to the stand.”

Anne felt her grip on the arms of the chair grow tight and her breathing turn shallow. Tarenn was brought out, wearing his normal dark clothing, his legs not shackled and his hands not cuffed. As she noticed that, Anne felt her breathing quicken into hyperventilating. Why hadn’t they shackled him? He was dangerous. The charges against him were for violence. They had no reason to believe he wouldn’t attempt something,

Kirk’s hand came down over one of hers. “It’s all right. The guards have their phasers. If he tries anything, he’ll get stunned.” His lips brushed her ear as he whispered, sending a flurry of other emotions coursing through Anne. She turned her hand up under his, threading her fingers through his, and he squeezed reassuringly. She didn’t care if it was inappropriate; she just wanted the comfort of knowing Kirk was there.

Her roiling emotions made it hard to keep her detachment, but it helped to remind herself that it was research. Nyota Uhura was first called to the stand, and she testified that messages had been sent from Tarenn’s ship regarding the sale of human beings. The two captives who had chosen to participate were called to speak about their experiences with Tarenn. They had not come from the same place she had, so they hadn’t been mistreated the same way. They were still captives, however, and they had still gone through horrors. Doctor McCoy was called to talk about the medical state of the captives. His testimony was restricted to the malnutrition and the occasional beatings that they could prove had happened during the captives’ time with Tarenn, but it still included medical holos, lacerations and bruises marked on anonymous, undetailed figures. Anne knew instantly which holo was of her; it was unmistakable. For the first time, she saw all of the damage to her body. It was… bad. Knowing she had scars was one thing, but seeing them was completely another. She’d avoided mirrors, and nudity, since she’d gained her freedom.

McCoy’s testimony went on for a long while, as he had ten patients to get through, and then Kirk was called to the stand. He squeezed her hand again before he got up, letting her fingers fall loosely from his, and gave her a small wink before heading down to the stand. He was questioned about the incident that brought him into contact with Tarenn, and what had made him decide that Tarenn’s ship should be captured.

“Screaming,” Kirk replied to the Councillor’s last question. “We were aboard the ship, ready to start repairing the hull when I heard screaming coming from the hold just off Engineering.”

“And this is where you found the slaves?” a hard-faced woman asked.

“Yes, ma’am. They were in a state I wouldn’t leave a dog in. Dirty, underfed, dressed in rags. The one who screamed seemed unaware of me until I opened her cell door.” Though she could only see his back, she knew the expression on his face. A mixture of abhorrence and determination behind a careful blankness. She had seen it often enough.

“Shortly afterward you discovered the contraband. Is that correct?” A Vulcan asked, her face as expressionless as Spock’s was.

“Yes, ma’am. Everything was recorded and transferred to the Enterprise to bring to Yorktown.” Kirk nodded respectfully to the Vulcan.

“And this all happened because of the vaccine against Corellian Syndrome,” Vice-Admiral Landau said.

“Yes, sir,” Kirk replied. “We attempted to beam the vaccine over, but the Sorte’s deflectors were malfunctioning. We couldn’t transport anything over until they were off, and when they were, an asteroid hit the Sorte’s hull, causing a small breach. We beamed over to provide assistance.”

The Vice-Admiral looked skeptically at Kirk, but subsided. “We have no further questions for you. The defendant may speak.”

“I believe they used their tractor beam to move the asteroid into our path,” Tarenn said. “Our sensors showed no asteroid approaching us.”

Kirk replied coldly, “Our tractor beam logs are available to the court. They will show that we did no such thing. As for your sensors, your communications and your deflectors were malfunctioning. It’s possible that your sensors were as well.”

At that, Tarenn subsided, growling, “No more questions.”

“You may be seated, Captain,” the Vice-Admiral said. As Kirk walked back to his seat, Vice-Admiral Landau announced, “Anne Hardesty, you are summoned to the stand.”

Anne felt her blood drain, leaving her light-headed. She pushed herself up from her chair and numbly made her way to the aisle where Kirk was standing. Looking up at him, she saw him nod encouragingly, and he touched her shoulder as she passed. That simple touch steadied her, made her feel a little better. Breathing deeply, she walked down the aisle, as composed as she could be. Once behind the witness’s podium, she felt a little better, as she could only see Tarenn if she looked in his direction.

“Do you confirm that you are Anne M. Hardesty?” one of the Councillors asked. Anne couldn’t look to see which of them it was. She stared straight ahead.

“Yes,” she tried to say, but it barely came out. She cleared her throat. “Yes, I am.” That time was better. Firmer. Almost in control.

“Do you also confirm Captain Kirk’s account of the state he found you in?” someone else asked. She was too upset to want to know who was asking the questions. She decided to ignore the people entirely and concentrate just on what was asked.

“I do. I was in the first cell he opened. I was the one who had screamed.” When would the hard questions start?

“Do you also confirm that you wish to pursue the charges you have logged against Gamel Tarenn?”

“Yes. I do.” Her voice had trembled. This wasn’t easy. The charges were almost every crime that one person could inflict on another.

“Why did you scream?”

“I heard new voices on the ship. I thought I heard the word Starfleet. I decided it was worth risking a beating if I was wrong.” Not that Tarenn had habitually beaten her. That was more Loche’s style.

“How long was your captivity on the Sorte?”

“About three months, I think. I don’t know exact dates.” She’d never had access to anything that would have shown her dates. Neither Tarenn nor Loche had allowed it; she’d mostly stolen peeks at others using the computers when no one was looking in her direction.

“How did you come to be on the Sorte?”

Anne closed her eyes. They were getting closer to the bad stuff. “Tarenn won me in a game of dom-jot.”

And then it came. The hard question that would start off all the others. “For what purpose did he keep you?”

Anne tried to detach herself as much as possible. Words came from her, but she barely heard them, though she knew they were coherent and true. More questions followed, each digging deeper into what had happened to her, and she confirmed McCoy’s account of her malnutrition and abuse, describing in brief detail her encounters with Tarenn. It was something like torture, remembering all of it, but she pretended she was talking with Kirk again, and that helped somewhat.

Near the end of her questioning, she could feel herself shaking. One of the voices asked, “Once you were on the Enterprise, you provided information that helped them repel an attack by alleged smuggling ships. Where did you come by this information?”

“I had been on Tarenn’s ship when he enacted the same strategy more than once, to overcome passing cargo ships that were using their tractor beams. It seemed like a common strategy.” That was safer territory.

Immediately, they went back into unsafe territory. “Did Gamel Tarenn ever give you duties aboard his ship?”

Taking a shaky breath, Anne attempted to evade the question. “Nothing that pertained to the ship or the running of it.”

“Please explain,” someone said.

Another shaky breath, and then another. She was losing it. “Does the court consider the use of my body in a criminal fashion duties?” she asked, and she couldn’t keep her voice from being a bit hostile.

There was a short pause. “Understood.”

Vice-Admiral Landau, who was in her direct line of vision, said, “We have no more questions for you. The defendant may address his accuser.”

Anne had known this was coming, but after the questioning, she wasn’t sure she could stand up to it. She felt herself trembling like a leaf in a high wind.

“Anne, prima donna, how can you lie like this? I would submit to the court that we were lovers, and that she was caged because she became violent towards me and the rest of the crew.” Tarenn’s voice sounded smooth, oily even, and she felt it as though it stuck to her skin.

“Never,” she said, her voice ragged with fear. It wasn't as if she hadn't pretended she had feelings for him early on… but it had been that or die. “I was never your lover. I would never-- never--” she felt her hands grip the sides of the podium, and she closed her eyes.

“At least look at me before you throw me on the mercy of the court,” Tarenn said. “We had such fun together. And you look so lovely. I want my last memory of you to be of your beautiful face.” His voice sounded smugly sarcastic. Anne knew he was just saying these things to try to tear away her composure. It was working. She forced her eyes open.

A sudden movement behind her caught her attention, and her head snapped around to see that Kirk had risen and was approaching the stand. “Captain Kirk, you have not been summoned to the stand,” Vice-Admiral Landau growled.

“As one of the witnesses, I have the right to stand here,” he said, stepping briskly down the stairs to the podium. “And as a Starfleet officer, I will not stand by and watch the accused inflict mental and emotional suffering on his victim in front of the whole court.” Kirk stood at the podium with her, his body slightly turned so that his back was to her, and so that she could not see Tarenn at all. Anne felt her trembling lessen, his presence giving her strength. He was nearly touching her, so close that she could almost feel the warmth of his body.

A tense silence filled the room. Anne hoped desperately that they wouldn’t make him leave her.

After what seemed eons, Vice-Admiral Landau said, “I will allow it, this once. But only because the evidence seems clear. Gamel Tarenn, have you any questions left for your accusers before we confer to make our ruling?”

“I do not,” Tarenn said icily. Deprived of the fun of watching her break down on the stand, he no longer seemed interested in her. Anne felt even more relieved.

“I have something to add,” Kirk said, surprising her. “I believe it will settle any question of Tarenn’s accusations toward Ms. Hardesty.”

“Present your evidence,” Vice-Admiral Landau said, frowning.

Kirk held up a small chip. “This sound recording was made in the brig, during our altercation with the smugglers. It was not submitted with the rest of the evidence because there was some question of whether it would be legally admissible, but as it was recorded during a battle, I believe the expectation of privacy is inapplicable. Am I correct?”

Vice-Admiral Landau glanced at the other Councillors, then back to Kirk. “Give us a moment to consult.”

It took very little time for them to come to a decision. “Play the recording,” the hard-faced woman said.

Kirk inserted the chip into a slot on the podium, and the sounds of the battle filled the air. Phaser fire, Anne’s panting, the directions of the other officers that she’d barely heard… and then Tarenn’s taunting, his promises of how she would scream to pay for the screams that had set her free. His descriptions of how he would make her beg to stay with him rather than be traded back to Loche. Anne heard her own choked off gasps and whimpers as she tried to ignore him, the background of the phaser fire… the door opening, and then more shouting and the eventual defeat of the mercenaries. Spock talking to Kirk. And then that last exchange.

“You came here because you wanted to be there if I was released. Such devotion. It’s almost like you really were my lover.”

“I came here to make sure you weren’t released. I’d rather die than live in a universe where you went free.”

The court was silent for a moment afterward, processing the recording. Kirk took advantage of the silence. “I believe Tarenn’s last comment proves that he did not consider her a lover, and Ms. Hardesty’s answer proves that she has no romantic feelings for Tarenn.”

“You are correct,” the Vulcan said. “His words would be illogical if there was an established emotional attachment there. And in our ruling we will take into account the danger he presents to Ms. Hardesty.”

“Thank you,” Kirk said.

“The Court will adjourn for ruling. Please remain in your seats. The accused will stay at the stand; the accusers may be seated.” Vice-Admiral Landau rose from his chair, and the other Councilors joined him.

Kirk turned to Anne, looking her over. She knew he could see that she was barely hanging on. “Come on,” he said gently, and turned.

It was definitely by design that Kirk stayed in front of her the whole way back to the aisle, blocking her from Tarenn’s sight. As they reached the aisle, her turned and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, walking her up the aisle and back toward their seats. Anne felt Uhura watching her with sympathetic eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to do more than glance in Uhura’s direction.

The deliberation didn’t take long. There was too much evidence against Tarenn. When the Councillors filed back in the room and had taken their places, Vice-Admiral Landau banged his gavel for silence, and then said, “The accused is found guilty on all charges. He will go to rehabilitation, and the length of his stay will be determined by his willingness to change his ways.”

It was the equivalent of a life sentence. A satisfied murmur rippled through the auditorium. Anne was again clutching Kirk’s hand, this time with both hands, trying to still the awful shaking that gripped her. There were a few formalities after that as Tarenn was escorted from the room, but she paid them no attention. He was gone, he was being rehabilitated, and she would never see him again. The thought was overwhelming.

When Kirk rose, she did too, hesitant to let go of his hand. When she tried, however, he just squeezed her hand and looked back at her. “Come on. Let’s go.”

“I have to find out where I’m staying,” Anne said, her voice shaky.

Kirk gave her a small grin. “Forget it. You’re on the Enterprise.”

A rush of relief flooded through her, almost unbalancing her enough for tears. All of these conflicting emotions were going to drive her mad. She just nodded and let him bring her along, her hand tucked into the crook of his arm like it belonged there.

[whispcr]

“And what about our parents?” [ nott sibs ]

Richard Nott and ChaeAh-Young were born on opposite sides of the world, brought together by archaic,misogynistic tradition. Obligation, duty, succession, expansion of a familialdynasty, these were the components that cemented their union and resulted inhis birth.  Romance was not part of the equation. They held noaffectionate regard for one another and submission was misconstrued asrespect. There was no warmth in the estate that felt more like a factorythan a home, all of their interactions manufactured and mechanical rather thangenuine.

Brent didn’t realize that,not at first. How could he have when he knew nothing else? He assumed that hisfamily dynamics were normal. That itmade sense that his businessman father did not have time for him nor did hehave patience for Brent’s childlike, curious behavior. He was not taughtthrough positive reinforcement.

He convinced himself thatit was normal.

Brent was nearly six years old before he entirely gave up on theidea that, one day, his mother might love him. His father was never apossibility, but he’d fooled himself into thinking that he and his mother couldsurvive together.They were both prisoners in that house, after all. He had fooled himself intobelieving that the time they spent with each other would tether them. 

Brent had been attached to her. How could he not be? She paidhim only minimal attention, just enough to ensure that he was growing and notgetting into too much trouble that would warrant her being punished. But shewas all he had outside of a kind houseelf. Every child sought out attention,needed guidance and direction as they sought to navigate the unknown worldaround them. Every child deserved caregiverswho cherished them as living, breathing beings. Children were not objects.

He mistook her frettingover his cuts and bruises from a climbing adventure gone wrong as concern. Hemistook her excitement over his accelerated learning pace as the pride of aparent rather than the joy that was akin to a farmer fattening up a pig forslaughter. 

Children naturally soughtvalidation but he would be granted none. Once he was deemed old enough, capable enough, he had unceremoniously beenhanded off to Richard’s custody. He was part of her payment. That was all hewas worth, her security and insurance. 

She could have spared him all he’d been forced to endure. 

And Brent wasn’tparticularly fazed by that truth. He had outgrown her and he may have learnedthe hard way but he was fine with not being soft.His armor was a second layer of skin, stitched with precision and melded ontohis bones, his only means of protection. Peeling off this armor was impossible.No, Brent Nott always would be hardened at the shell of him.  

He didn’t fool himself intothinking that Adolina held any affection for him, but he suspected she was atthe very least grateful for Valentina. Far from a model parent, Adolinahad been given Valentina.She had chosen her.For all the wrong reasons, most certainly, but it changed the perception thatthe older woman had of her daughter, preferring her company over that of herson. Even now, with his father behind bars and the two of them residing underthe same roof, albeit temporarily, it was Valentina who had regular visits withtheir mother rather than Brent. He had no interest in a woman who had notattempted connecting with him since the cord had been cut.

She could have, at the very least, been a better parent toValentina when she was granted the opportunity to be. She hadn’t been forced tokeep the cycle going, treating her daughter as if she was a toy she could windup. As if Valentina could ever be controlled. While she may not be a Nott byblood, she had found a way to hold her own, carrying herself with a greatmeasure of stubbornness, plowing forward in life with sheer willpower.

There were still a number of things that she failed to understand. Maybe she was aware of them, but she did not -- could not -- understand them as she was cut from a different cloth. A softer, smoother cloth, yes, but also cloth that was strong and durable. Not rigid in the way that Brent was, but firm. 

That was why she continued to press forward even now when Brent was unresponsive to her inquiries, continuing to push with a bold line of offense, “And what about our parents? Are they the reason that you are doing this?”

Brent continued to remain silent, fingers drawn together in his lap, tea growing cold. The drink would not warm his ice barrier nor would the zap of caffeine grant him focus. He had felt out of sorts for months and the haze only grew foggier with time. There were spurts of mist here and there that did not rejuvenate him, but woke him up and provided him with the resolution to continue moving forward. Some days, it was shame. Some days, it was guilt. On the worst days, it was not fear that struck him hardest but anger, a pit of resentment that swallowed him whole. 

For all of Adolina’s faults and missteps, Brent harbored farmore ill-will toward his father. She had been a bystander, guilty of inaction,but his father was the aggressor. He was the root of the problem, and it was from him that Brent had stemmed. 

Valentina had previously mentioned a misplaced fear of becoming a sick monster like their parents. Brent did not put stock in the idea that genetics determined what a person would become. How could he when a child existed that was biologically half him but exhibited none of Brent’s more unsavory traits? Beau Griffiths was a cherubic wonder, warm and good. 

He did not believe that he would become Richard Cantankerous Nott, that he would succumb to selfishness and greed, power-hungry and vile. But that did not mean that he did not have reservations for he also did not fool himself into thinking that parents had no effect on their children. Beau was half Brent, half Barbara, after all, and the latter part showed. He had her wide, doe eyes that took in the world and saw an endless adventure, a dimension that stretched with infinite possibility. He shared her sweet tooth and her sweetness, the same honeyed perception of a world that they saw as inherently good. 

Children were not their parents, but parents influenced their children. It was because of this that Brent resented his father most. Richard had done more than just nearly stripped Barbara violently from this world. 

His mother robbed him of his chance to be a child. His father had robbed him of his confidence that he was properly fit to raise his own. This was why the anger shook him most. He could not trust himself. 

“They are not the reason, no,” he found himself saying after a long pause, truthful. 

Their parents weren’t the reason. They were the cause, and it was all a matter of semantics, he supposed, but it was not a lie. 

The reason was her. The reason was Valentina and Beau and Barbara and Henry and Persephone and Adara and the rest of them. If he could not trust himself, then he could not rationalize continuing to be with them. 

Perhaps being a Death Eater was an excuse that he used at the surface. The rumors and whispers that would come with associating with him were no fabrication, but they were not the biggest factor in his decision. 

When Barbara had been bleeding out underneath his fingers, the most overwhelming emotion had been fear. That fear had been a motivator, however, not near as crippling as he once had assumed it could be. He had still been able to keep himself collected enough to do what was necessary to bring her to the hospital. 

It was after that the anger began to seep in and Brent could not shake himself of it. 

So he had done what he always had: he’d frozen out his emotions. To do so, he knew he needed to empty himself completely, freezing out even the softer, more sentimental emotions. It was the best means of control that he knew. 

His interactions were manufactured accordingly, exemplifying the first lessons he’d learned in that factory home. Parts of his personality leaked in, but just enough to remind those that he interacted with that he was still him, just enough, he believed, to convince them that he was carrying himself with the same confidence he always had. 

The uncharacteristic tics may confuse them, but so long as he didn’t give himself away, they would be none-the-wiser. Valentina did not need to know why he didn’t reach for his cup so long as he could convincingly cross his arms and regard her with a leveled gaze. 

“I do not concern myself thinking about our parents.” He didn’t. He thought about the ones he actually cared about. “And you would be better off doing the same. Whether or not you feel pity for Adolina, time spent in that house is a waste of your efforts. As is this.” It was his turn to give a dismissive wave of his hand, uncrossing his arms only to shove the Julius Caeser ticket back to her. “You should go. Perhaps you can stand to learn what happens when you blindly pursue your passions, Brutus. Idealism could be your undoing. You can assume I am good all that you want, but there are plenty of reasons why I could have chosen to leave. Perhaps, like Caesar, I was meant to be stopped before my arrogance and ambition got you all killed.  Perhaps I wanted a second chance at doing what I wanted with no one holding me back. Perhaps I no longer wished to be a domestic man. Perhaps I blamed myself for what happened to Barbara. Perhaps I did not want to deal with the consequences of my actions during the war. Perhaps I realized that I should have never been involved in Beau’s life in the first place. Perhaps I merely wanted a clean break from the mess that has become of Great Britain. Perhaps all of these reasons are true. Perhaps none of them are. It does not change the end result.”

[crystalglassca]

Energy Efficient Windows 101: All You Need to Know

Today, awareness regarding the environmental impact—brought on and accelerated by sheer negligence and exploitation of humans—has enhanced. Preserving the planet’s natural resources for future generations has taken a front seat to most other concerns of the modern world.

With natural resources depleting fast, and the state of the planet deteriorating faster, it is now more important than ever that humans curb their excessive energy expenditure and think about ways to save their planet.

With more than 82.5% of Canadian citizens choosing to heat their residential and commercial properties using natural gas, the strain on the already depleting resource is massive. More and more energy-conscious homeowners are now trying to look for alternative methods to insulate buildings. These can range from using solar paneling instead of natural gas, to installing energy-efficient windows to keep the heat inside the house.

Compared to 1990, results of a research released in 2013 showed that energy consumption for heating and cooling purposes has seen a 6.5% increase in total residential energy consumption since 1990.

Part of the reason for this is global warming increasing average temperatures and increasing the need for indoor heating, but another part is owed to the rising population of Canada. However, with awareness about energy-conservation growing, people are now opting for more energy-conscious appliances and fixtures and energy efficient windows are just another way to decrease energy use in the house. From 1990 to 2013, associated GHG (greenhouse gas) emissions decreased by about 9% due to people making more energy conscious choices.

How do Energy efficient Windows work?

Energy efficient windows are a step into the future, and are a massive upgrade from traditional windows. Traditional windows are not generally built for insulation purposes, and heat gain and loss counts for about 25 to 30% of all energy spent on residential and commercial heating and cooling.

The windows are the part of the house that let out the most heat, thus increasing heating and cooling costs, depending upon the season. This is because glass absorbs and transfers heat very easily. Energy-efficient windows are mostly equipped with Low-E glass, which is especially designed to block out the sun’s heat and UV rays.

Alternatively, these kinds of windows use double or triple paned glass, with insulating gas-filled airspace to make it more difficult for heat to transfer in or out of the house.

What are Energy-efficient Windows made of?

When it comes to choosing energy efficient windows for your property, it is not just the glass you use that matters. Oftentimes, heat can enter or escape a house through improper installation, or even because of the material used for the frame.

While wood frames are the most common option, because of their low propensity to heat transfer, there are a number of other options available for energy-efficient windows:

The Frame

Wood

Undoubtedly, wood frames offer the best insulation when compared to aluminum or vinyl window frames. But low-quality wood frames are far less durable and require a lot more care than their counterparts.

Wood can rot over time, or get infected with termites, and are therefore unsuitable for extremely hot or rainy climates. This is not always true, however, as high-quality wood frames can withstand the test of time and can at times last for decades on end with proper care.

Aluminum

Aluminum frames do not offer much in terms of insulation, but can be extremely practical for those living in rainy or humid climates, or in areas susceptible to frequent hurricanes.

Vinyl

Vinyl, when properly constructed, offers a cheap and practical alternative option to standard wood frames, all the while reducing air leakage. However, vinyl frames are not very aesthetically pleasing and are more suited keeping practicality in mind.

Wood-Clad

A well-crafted wood-clad frame takes the benefits of both vinyl and wood and merges them into one. These are mostly made of an aluminum or vinyl casing with a temperature-transfer resistant wood interior.

The best quality wood clad frames will also include waterproof rubber membranes and sill pans to prevent any moisture from leaking in and rotting the wood at the core of the frame.

The Glass

Low-E Glass

Low-E Glass, as mentioned above, is a special kind of glass that is especially made to keep heat transfer to a minimum. This kind of glass essentially has a microscopically thin metal or metallic oxide layer which keeps heat transfer to a minimum.

These come in a variety of options, from tinted glass, glass with reflective coatings, and multiple paned glasses. Some Low-E Glass is even capable of keeping out 99.9% of the sun’s harmful UV-A and UV-B rays.

Fiberglass Windows

Fiberglass conducts less heat, and is also less likely to expand or contract during extreme temperatures.

Double and triple paned Windows

Double paned windows offer the largest benefit on energy-saving. Triple paned windows, however, not only reduce visibility but also make little difference from double paned windows when it comes to energy efficiency. A double paned window with an insulating gas filled in the spaces between the two panes can significantly reduce heat transfer, keeping buildings cool during summers and warm during winters without the use of artificial heating or cooling.

How do I choose the best material for my windows?

When choosing the correct material for your energy efficient windows, there are two things you should take into consideration, namely the U-value and the Solar Heat Gain Coefficient (SHGC).

U-Value:

U-value measures the rate at which a window, door or skylight conducts heat. The lower the U-value, the more energy-efficient the window will be. Double paned windows with insulating gas between the panes usually offer the lowest U-value.

Solar Heat Gain Coefficient (SHGC):

SHGC refers to the amount of solar radiation allowed to enter through a window, door or skylight. A higher SHGC is ideal for buildings in lower climates, whereas lower SHGC usually works best for places with higher average temperatures.

To choose the best window for your home, look for an Energy Star sticker that will tell you the ratings that particular window has gotten from the National Fenestration Rating Council (NFRC).

How Can I Benefit from Energy-Efficient Windows?

While Energy-Efficient Windows can be costly at the installation stage, they more than make up for the high material and installation costs by providing you with multiple benefits over time.

Here are some of the most common benefits people have observed after making their houses more energy efficient:

Savings, savings, more savings!

Since more than 63% of all energy consumption in the average house in Canada goes towards space heating and cooling purposes, energy efficient windows can greatly decrease both energy consumption and costs incurred.

As mentioned earlier, most homeowners insulate their houses using natural gas. When heat is constantly escaping through windows and doors, a greater amount of natural gas is expended every day for heating and cooling purposes.

By installing energy efficient windows, you are allowing the temperature inside the building remain constant. This means warmth collected during the day has no way of escaping during the night, and this can be splendid for the winter months when you need to maintain higher temperatures inside the house.

On the other hand, in summer, heat needs to be prevented from entering the house. Energy-efficient windows are just as good at keeping outside heat out as they are at keeping inside heat in the house. This significantly reduces costs that would have otherwise gone into heaters and air-conditioning systems.

Saving the Environment

By spending less on natural gas, and using less of it, you are indirectly saving the planet by preserving its natural resources. Air conditioning gases, commonly known as hydrofluorocarbons (HFC), also contribute to global warming by trapping thousands of times as much heat in the planet’s atmosphere as Carbon Dioxide. Not only do they trap heat, air conditioners constantly emit carbon dioxide—sometimes even reaching to 100 million tons each year!

The less energy you use in your home, the lesser your carbon footprint will be on the planet. With the resources of the planet fast depleting, we need to do all we can to preserve what little resources we have left, or we will soon be forced to see a barren planet unable to sustain the life on it.

Protection from UV Rays

Single paned windows let in more light into the house. Sunlight not only consists of heat but also brings with it harmful radiations like UV-A, UV-B and UV-C rays. These rays are majorly responsible for the damage of DNA of skin cells, which can result in skin cancer, the leading form of cancer in Canada. These UV rays are also responsible for the fading of wood, cloth and furniture.

Energy Efficient Windows are especially designed to not only keep the heat of sunlight out of the house, but also prevent harmful ultraviolet radiations from harming both you and the furniture of your house. Coated with a special metal or metallic oxide layer, energy efficient windows are capable of keeping up to 98% of UV rays out of the house.

Protection from Noise Pollution

In addition to providing protection from harmful light and preventing heat transfer, energy efficient windows are also capable of soundproofing your home. Energy efficient windows are specially recommended for people living in busy traffic areas that are forced to listen to car horns, sirens and roadway traffic noises all round the clock.

The airtight fixtures of an energy efficient window not only keep outside air from entering but also do a tremendous job at reducing noise pollution resulting in less stress and better health.

Less Maintenance Costs

Because of their air-tight nature, energy efficient windows keep water in addition to air and noise. This is especially helpful in areas of the house most often exposed to water use, such as kitchen and bathrooms. Moisture in the air can vaporize and later condense on windows, not only causing dirty streaks and water stains, but also increasing the risk of mold and mildew.

The UV resistant coating of energy efficient windows prevents water and dirt from sticking to the surface of your windows. This reduces the need for constant cleaning and window maintenance. Moreover, the insulation that keeps indoor temperatures constant also keeps the surface temperature of the glass above the limit of condensation.

Provide Return on Investment (ROI)

The return on investment (ROI) provided by energy efficient windows is massive, regardless of whether you plan on living in the house yourself or selling it at a later point in time. Replacing old windows with a more energy saving option not only reduces utility bills but also cuts costs otherwise spent on maintenance and upkeep. Most energy-efficient windows work perfectly for decades and also come with a warranty that more than make up for the high installation costs.

Energy efficient windows can also significantly improve the value of your house and make it sell that much quicker. This is mostly because most Canadians now wish to make their houses as energy effective as possible. Upgrading your windows is also considered to be one of the top five home improvement projects that yield the highest profits.

Energy Rebates and Tax Incentives

Window installations and replacements can put quite a dent in your wallet. However, to offset this and encourage more people to opt for energy saving options, many municipals and regional agencies offer credits and discounts to reduce costs a little. Search for whether your city or sector in Canada offers any incentives through this directory.

Installation Matters just as much

No matter how expensive and superior quality your materials are, an improper installation could have a significant impact on the performance of your energy-efficient windows. With things to consider such as proper fittings, air leaks and waterproofing, you need to be careful about who you hire to install your costly windows to really get the maximum benefit out of them. Stay away from contractors who use too much sealant or expanding foam—which are not waterproof—in their efforts to get the window to fit well. This could cause problems in the future with water leaks.

About Crystal Glass

With over six decades of experience, Crystal Glass offers services ranging from window installations and windshield replacement to commercial glass repair.  

Providing all kinds of glass services to people all over Alberta, Crystal Glass is dedicated to giving you extremely professional and quality services every time. Book an appointment today and have one of their certified technicians take care of your glass needs.