#I think as I read more widely more and more interesting questions and texts will come up

[hunxi-after-hours]

danmei reading challenge 1.0

I had so much fun coming up with these discussion questions in this post that I thought I’d make a more streamlined post for folks to make it easier to track! it is however a very long post so I shall throw the discussion questions under the cut. here are the challenges:

read works by three (or more!) danmei authors

read two different danmei novels by the same author (if you can wrangle it, try to read novels in different genres)

read a danmei novel that is not wuxia, xianxia, or xuanhuan

read a danmei novel set in modern day China

read a webnovel that was not serialized on JJWXC

read a webnovel by a danmei author that is not danmei (e.g. 言情 / heterosexual romance, 无CP / no romance)

read a danmei novel with 2+ adaptations into other forms of media (e.g. audiodrama, donghua, manhua, live action)

read a danmei novel with no adaptations in other forms of media

read a traditionally published work of Chinese speculative fiction

read a novel written by a Chinese diaspora author

(also I did some math and if you read for maximum overlap you can do this challenge in just seven books ;)

read works by three (or more!) danmei authors

what recurring themes, character traits, narrative tropes, or cultural aspects to you observe across works by different authors? what differences do you notice? do you think these similarities/differences are hallmarks of the genre, coincidental stylistic choices, authorial interests, or wider cultural trends? how do different authors address certain issues, or avoid them altogether? how do these choices affect the content and style of the text, as well as your perception of and/or response to these texts?

read two different danmei novels by the same author (if you can wrangle it, try to read novels in different genres)

what recurring themes, character traits, narrative tropes, or thematic commonalities do you observe across an author’s works? how do the different narrative or genre contexts of each novel affect characters and themes in each work? do you observe changes in an author’s perspective, views, or opinions on common themes and/or social issues from novel to novel?

read a danmei novel that is not wuxia, xianxia, or xuanhuan

how do aspects of worldbuilding differ across genres? what new aspects of culture, character, or language do you observe in a different genre setting? how much character or worldbuilding do you think is attributable to genre convention, and how much isn’t? what do you think readers find attractive about wuxia/xianxia/xuanhuan settings? what do you think readers find attractive about other genres?

read a danmei novel set in modern day China

how do the emotional and narrative stakes of novels change depending on time period? what were you surprised by? what similarities or resonances did you recognize between the text and your own life? how does the fabric of the setting in this novel differ from novels set in other time periods and settings? in what ways do class and power factor into character conflicts and relationships? how do these differ from the way class and power are addressed in historical novels? what is the role of tradition and history in this novel? do you find the text more realistic because it’s set in modern day? why or why not? how important do you think “realism” is to the text and the readers? why might this be? how important is “realism” to your reading experience? why might this be?

read a webnovel that was not serialized on JJWXC

there are many other Chinese internet literature platforms, such as 长佩文学 and 奇点文学网. explore one (or more!) of these literature platforms and note any observations about differences, similarities, or things you’re surprised by. how does this inform your understanding of the larger scope of Chinese web literature? in what ways are literature and genre organized differently from what you’re familiar with? compare and contrast your experience reading a non-JJWXC novel with a JJWXC novel. what was the same? what was different? do you think these similarities/differences are influenced by the different audiences of these websites or larger societal trends in media and culture, or something else entirely?

read a webnovel by a danmei author that is not danmei (e.g. 言情 / heterosexual romance, 无CP / no romance)

what similarities do you observe between this novel and a danmei novel written by the same author? what differences do you observe? how do narrative reflections of gender and character dynamics differ? what other themes, issues, or narrative aspects do you notice coming to the forefront when the focus has shifted away from male/male romance? what were you surprised by? what weren’t you surprised by? has your perception of the author’s views on gender/gender dynamics changed? if so, how? if not, why do you think this is?

read a danmei novel with 2+ adaptations into other forms of media (e.g. audiodrama, donghua, manhua, live action)

what do you think about this novel generates wider media attention and interest? how do the characters and narrative change from text to adaptation? why do you think this happened? how did the popularization via adaptation affect the original text, if at all? how did you come to discover this text, and how many platforms did it have to jump to get to you? why do you think this text received attention on the platform you first heard of it? in what ways beyond the content of the text itself did this novel draw wider attention?

read a danmei novel with no adaptations in other forms of media

why do you think this novel hasn’t been chosen for adaptation yet? in what ways would this novel be challenging to adapt? what medium do you think this novel would be best suited for? how would an adaptation of this novel change your perspective and experience of this text? what would you hope to see in an adaptation of this novel?

read a traditionally published work of Chinese speculative fiction

how does a traditionally published work of Chinese fiction differ  stylistically and narratively from the web literature you’ve read? what  does the wider field of Chinese speculative fiction look like? how do  the imaginations and concerns of Chinese authors manifest in their  worldbuilding, setting, characters, themes, and conflicts? how do  subgenres of Chinese speculative fiction resemble and differ from genres  you’re more familiar with? what did you like about this work? what puts  you off about this work? did this work raise any questions or themes  that you haven’t thought about before? what aspects of the novel seem  rooted in contemporary Chinese society, and which themes seem more  universal? if reading in translation, did you identify any moments where  context was lost between languages? were there footnotes in the  translation, and if so, how did they affect your reading experience? if  not, did you ever wish there were footnotes? what kind of additional  context did you wish you had? how do you think the translation  influenced your reading experience? how high-profile is this work of  Chinese speculative fiction, and why do you think this is?

read a novel written by a Chinese diaspora author

how do characters, themes, settings, and worldbuilding differ from the perspective of a diaspora writer? what aspects feel the same? how does translation on linguistic, cultural, or metafictional levels factor into the text? what is the role of tradition and reception in the narrative? what other influences can you spot in the text? what Chinese work would you put this text in conversation with, and why? how are different cultures portrayed in diaspora works vs. non-diaspora works? based on this text, have cultural values shifted in diasporic reception? what is the relationship presented in the text between identity and nationhood, tradition and ownership?

[yanderenightmare]

your vocab is really rich, what's ur secret

oh! uhm... excellent question!

Read! And every time you stumble upon a word you've never noticed before or know but don't often use, put it in a list, write down its meanings, and try using it the next time you write! (I'll put my list after the cut)

Read different things! Different authors and different styles, especially poetry! I mean, if you're looking to fatten your vocab, reading poetry is one of the best ways to do it. Poetic writers must search far and wide for the perfect words to create rhymes and rhythms and audibly pleasing sentences---they practically do all the work for you! Honestly, I am so serious about this. One of the best things you can do is buy a fat compendium of poetry with all different authors and eras. Get you some Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, and Shakespeare if you want to hurt your head. Also! The same goes for music! Try listening to the lyrics---you'll probably hear some words you've never thought of using in your writing.

Here's a cheap trick for bilinguals---write something in your own language and put it through Google Translate. Honestly, I've found so many words just by doing this.

Every time you feel you've used a word too much, or anytime a word bores you to read, search up its synonyms and try using something you've never used before---don't stop the search until you're satisfied. Sometimes, it takes me more time to find just one word than it takes to write an entire post. Not only does this enrich your vocab, but you've probably just written a whole other sentence with newer meanings and more nuance!

Make your own synonym lists! Seriously! Because you can only find that many creative synonyms by searching up "word+synonyms."

Additionally! Think outside the box! Often, the best synonyms are those words that aren't actual synonyms at all. If you read poetry, you'll see poets use unorthodox words in place of something all the time---it's called a metaphor. Take flesh, for example---you can use fat, meat, muscle, brawn, beef---but you can also use cake, down, plume, pillow, softness, etc... I find this one especially useful for writing erotica, as you have to describe a lot of the same actions and body parts over and over and still make it interesting. (I'll add my synonyms list after the cut)

Also! This one is trickier, but instead of using words and synonyms, try making sentences that can replace the word instead---such as longer metaphors and fuller descriptions! This aligns with the literary device of "showing vs. telling." Of course, outright telling has its uses too and should not be disbarred entirely from writing, but often, it's showing that persuades the reader more. For example, instead of saying nervous, make sentences that describe how the character in question showcases nervousness---does their throat close up, do they sweat, do their eyes go wide, do they stutter, do they fiddle with their fingers, pick their nails, bite their lip, kick the ground, hunch their shoulders, look away, blush, flush, cry, run away or do they feel stuck? Describing these things helps the reader better understand the type of nervousness the character is experiencing. Hence, it makes for not only more interesting writing but also clearer writing!

A similar literary device is "focus and expanding," which slows down the reading or puts focus on certain aspects of the text by describing something to a great extent. If, say, this nervousness the example character is experiencing is of great significance, then that's what the readers' takeaway should be. But the reader won't think too much of it if the text simply states that they're nervous without underlining it. Luckily, there are plenty of ways of doing that, firstly through showing vs. telling, such as in the examples above, then metaphorically, such as "the ground seemed to swallow him up, down the guzzle of a monster with an appetite for disaster---darkness ensued like a storm cloud, cold and clawing with a weight heavy enough to nail him to the spot---all eyes were on him, unblinking and all-seeing, no matter what, he couldn't escape, he was stuck, glued to the ground by the soles of his shoes." I mean, the options are truly endless. These metaphors piled together are also a form of focusing and expanding, but you can take it even further than that by focusing on a small detail and giving it significance. For example, say the character is sweating because he's so nervous---you might focus on a single droplet of sweat instead of everything else, "A chill ran down his back. No, not a chill--sweat. Cold and creepily tracing the rigid bones of his spine. He can't move--if he moves, then they'll see. The sweat will seep into his shirt, and everyone will know what a sweaty and pathetic wreck he is. So, he can't move. No, yes, leave it alone. The droplet continues, running down the cold skin of his clammy back, sliding undeterred until meeting the band of his boxers and disappearing in the fibers. He swallows thickly and sighs with relief--only for another to pill at his nape, tracking the same course as the former. A vicious cycle is forming. He needs to get out of there!" And that's focus and expanding, folks! Focusing on something minuscule and expanding it by using it to describe what the character is feeling. It's a way to have a fresh take on something that's been written a thousand times before, such as "he was nervous."

Anyway, I might have gone a little above and beyond, but really, all these literary devices are ways of "expanding vocabulary" or at least giving an impression of it.

NEW WORDS

Manically---like a maniac

Despotic---like a dictator, having unlimited power over someone, often using it unfairly and cruelly

Chasm---a deep fissure, like a ravine, wound, or metaphorical rupture

Shunts---track-change basically, scoots to the side

Dearth---a scarcity or lack of something, a shortage

Raucous---making a harsh or loud noise

Innocuous---not harmful or offensive---harmless and safe, but also bland and unremarkable, maybe even a little boring

Lanyard---the woven necklace of a festival pass

Gossamer---fine spiderwebs, almost mesh

Cossetted---care for and protect in an overindulgent way

Beribboned---decorated with many ribbons

pupil-fat---cool way of saying enlarged pupils

Chitters---snickers, like a bird

Decadent---corrupt, depraved

Blotting---either soak up and absorb, or stain, or obscure

Barbell---a bar “pole” with attachments on each side

Bunting---of animals, when they butt or rub their head against you

Garnet---red

Cherubic---angelic, plump cuteness, quality of a child

Haunches---hips

Sodden---soaking

Waxing poetic---speaking in a flowery or poetical fashion

Inkwell---a container for ink---a dark well

Rend---tear in two, or more pieces

Ebb---recede, go back, like a tide wave

Webbed---like a duck's feet

Cloying---sickly sweet

Saccharine---oversweet

Apple of your cheek

Swathes---wrap, swaddle

Shroud---obscure something

Moonstone---to describe something grey and dusty, but pretty

Kinked---tangled, messy

Leaden---heavy, dull, slow or the colour of lead, grey

Stygian---devoid of light and brightness, hellish

Flaxen---of hair, champagne colored---ashy blonde

Tepid---lukewarm

SYNONYMS

Related to sucking cock:

Swallow

Glug

Drink

Eat

Guzzle

Receive

Take

Suck

Suckle

Slobber

Gargle

Gurgle

Drool

Gulp

Gobble

Stuff

Glut

Choke

Gag

Lap

Lick

Kitten-lick

Slurp 

Allow entry

Related to kissing:

Kiss

Lock/brush lips

Tongue-feed

Suck faces

Smooch

Peck

Snog

Canoodle

Related to biting:

Bite

Graze

Nip

Nibble

Sink teeth into

Chomp

Related to crying:

Whimpering

Mewling

Bleating

Whining

Snivel

Sniffle

Cry

Sob

Bawl

Hiccup

Spluttering

Blubbering

Coughing

Croaking

Related to pre-cum:

Ooze

Leak

Weep

Well

Drip

Dribble

Flow

Drain

Bleed

Sweat

Seep

Pill

Pearl

Cry

Related to fear and panic:

Hysterical

Wild

Manic

Uncontrolled

Unrestrained

Frantic

Frenzied

Restless

Hectic

Sporadic

Swivel-eyed

Related to screaming:

Scream

Yell

Wail

Yelp

Yip

Yammer

Squawk

Howl

Squeal

Shriek

Related to moaning:

Moan

Whine

Yelp

Purr

Hum

Croon

Related to overstimulated moaning:

Mumble

Croon

Warble

Quaver

Burble

Bumble

Hum

Slur

Ramble

Mutter

Whisper

Stammer

Stutter

Scramble

Jumble

Muddled

Babble

Blubbered

Splutter

Blurt

Related to groaning:

Groan

Grunt

Growl

Grumble

Grouch

Hiss

Guttural

Feral

Rusty 

Throaty

Wet

Sloppy

Related to angry noises:

Howl

Roar

Bark

Grizzle

Grump

Related to surprise or fear:

Gasp

Gulp

Choke

Suck in a sharp breath

Flinch

Jump

Jostle

Wince

Hiss

Pull back

Related to comforting:

Coo

Fuss

Comfort

Hush

Shush

Tsk

Mollycoddle

Nurse

Cuddle

Babying

Consoling

Soothe

Loving

Smothering

Hug

Hug tight

Cocoon

Snuggling

Swaddling

Rock back and forth with

Cosseting

Petting

Overwhelm

Related to begging:

Beg

Pleading

Pray

Bargain

Related to soreness and pain:

Ache

Sore

Throb

Swollen

Fattened

Welted

Related to taking cock inside entrance:

Swallow

Receive

Take

Suck inside

Stuff

Fill

Allow entry

Submit to

Ease inside

Bully inside

Squeeze inside

Force inside

Push

Pry

Related to how the hole squeezes:

Kissing

Fluttering

Hugging

Pressing

Squishing

Squeezing

Tightening

Pulsing

Related to a wet hole:

Slush

Squelch

Squishy

Creamy

Sloppy

Wet

Soaked

Slosh

Sop

Cry

Slick

Weep

Drool

Gush

Swollen

Velvety

Gummy

Cotton

Silken

Satiny

Related to thrusting:

Squeeze into

Pound

Jam

Ram

Rut

Loll

Rock

Thrust

Stuff

Bottom out

Fill

Fit

Nestle

Cram

Prodding

Poking

Kissing

Hammering

Jack-hammer

Smack

Slap

Ream

Related to pleasure:

Ecstatic

Opium-eyed

Euphoric

Elated

Thrilled

Blissed-out

Rapturous

High

Cloudy

Numb

Related to overstimulation:

Overstimulated

Outdone

Aching

Burning

Sweating

Feverish

Delirious

Febrile

Numb

Immobile

Dazed

Dull

Related to being dumb, high, or overstimulated:

Ditzy

Dumb

Clumsy

Silly

Foolish

Giddy

Brainless

Dizzy

Fuzzy

Dopey

Whimsical

Fickle

Featherbrained

Daft

Hare-brained

Awkward

Graceless

Blundering

Bumbling

Klutzy

Clueless

Cloddish

Dense

Related to the body and the flesh:

Tender

Supple

Soft

Creamy

Plush

Doughy

Cakey

Downy

Pillowy

Malleable

Squeezable

Biteable

Pliable

Touchable

Putty

Plume

Related to cuteness:

Cute

Cherubic

Adorable

Sweet

Soft

Precious

Darling

Lovable

Endearing

Baby

Related to weak or smallness:

Breakable

Brittle

Weak

Fragile

Dainty

Delicate

Frail

Flimsy

Vulnerable

Petite

Small

Little

Tiny

Feeble

Defenseless

Powerless

Helpless

Worthless

Hopeless

Related to struggling:

Struggle

Winding

Striving

Straining

Toiling

Playing

Wriggle

Wiggle

Twist

Shake

Tremor

Shiver

Quake

Related to men:

Vulgar

Loud

Oafish

Rough

Rude

Rustic

Gruff

Gross

Doltish

Barbaric

Bearish

Beastly

Churlish

Coarse

Swinish

[beomboomboom]

Accidental Intentions

genre: fluff, friends to lovers

pairing: Vernon x reader

summary: Seeing the message was an accident, but clicking onto the notification that brought you to Seungkwan's chat with Vernon, was definitely not one.

warnings: a little bit of swearing, kissing?

note: Sorry I haven't posted in awhile! I was busy with finals this entire month so I wasn't able to post much. Anyways, I've been wanting to write a Vernon fic for awhile! Enjoy reading this fic <33

It was an accident.

Okay maybe, only partially one.

Regardless, you were just trying to check the time while Vernon was in the bathroom, you really didn't intend to see Seungkwan's message to Vernon.

Kwannie🍊: You should confess to her today 😏😏❤️

Seeing the message was an accident, but clicking onto the notification that brought you to Seungkwan's chat with Vernon, was definitely not one.

In your defense, you were just curious.

Even though you and Vernon were friends, he rarely mentioned any crushes or girls he was interested in. So, could who could blame you for being a little curious as to see who the lucky girl was? Maybe a little jealous too, but that was irrelevant.

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest as you scrolled through Seungkwan and Vernon's chat. Knowing very well that any second now Vernon could walk out of the bathroom and catch you red-handed as you went through the messages on his phone.

Kwannie🍊: I KNEW IT! Kwannie🍊: HAH I HAD A FEELING IT WAS HER WHO U HAD A CRUSH ON You: shut up You: I swear you better not run your stupid mouth and tell her Kwannie🍊: hehehehe 😛 Kwannie🍊: It was kinda obvious ngl Kwannie🍊: you always make excuses to be around her and you smile with your eyes around her You: how- You: stalker You: was it that obvious? do you think she knows? Kwannie🍊: nah, she seems kind of oblivious Kwannie🍊: but it seems like she likes you back Kwannie🍊: You should confess to her today 😏😏❤️

With every text message you scroll past, you feel more and more conflicted. On one hand you're curious to see who is the one who has captured your friend's heart. But, on the other hand you're the tiniest bit disappointed at the fact that it's not you who he has a crush on.

Of course, you were still happy for Vernon. Vernon was your friend and he needed some love in his life, just like any other person. But you would miss the weekly movie nights and the way you could always go to Vernon whenever you needed something. When he would get a girlfriend, all of that would go away.

In a sick kind of way, you wanted to be greedy. You wanted Vernon all for yourself.

Just as you're about to scroll further to see who exactly this lucky girl was, you hear Vernon's voice behind you, catching you like a deer in headlights and making your blood run cold.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Oh Shit.

Turning around slowly to face Vernon's questioning eyes, you push down the urge to run and escape this whole situation that you got yourself in, the regret of your actions already seeping in.

"I-It was an accident," you stutter out, your eyes wide as you rush to defend yourself. "I swear, I didn't mean to see Seungkwan's message. I was just trying to check the time, and then his message about you confessing to someone popped up. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad."

You watch nervously as Vernon's eyes go from confused to panicked to fearful to nervous.

"I'm really sorry, I swear it was an accident I didn't mean to see Seungkwan's message," you apologize, silently placing Vernon's phone back in his hands. "Please forgive me."

Vernon lets out a small sigh of defeat before responding. "It's okay, it's no big deal. Just...how much did you see?"

"uhm...just a little. Just the part where you said you had a crush," you admit, eyes regretful and apologetic, avoiding Vernon's sharp gaze.

"You didn't see who it was, right?" Vernon asks after a beat of silence, his voice calm but his eyes telling a different story with the way they were shakily looking in your direction.

"No, I didn't get that far," you respond, watching as Vernon's shoulders visibly deflate. "So, anyways, who's the girl?"

Now, you know those moments when you say something without thinking, then immediately regret it because of how incredibly stupid it is?

This was one of those moments.

The silence that follows your question makes you want the ground to swallow you whole.

"uhm...so about that...", Vernon finally says after an uncomfortable minute of silence. You can tell he's conflicted on what to say with the way he slowly shifts his gaze away from yours.

"Just tell me," You say, your eyes silently begging Vernon to let you in on his secret crush, as you begin to ramble on, "I swear I won't tell anyone! I can even be your wingman and we ca-"

"It's you," Vernon admits, interrupting your rambling, his face flushed a light shade of pink as he avoids eye contact with you.

"What?"

"I like you," Vernon explains, "You're the girl I was talking to Seungkwan about."

You feel the world stop in that moment.

No way.

You must be imagining things.

"I...I don't know what to say," you stutter, frozen in shock.

"It's okay, you don't need to like me back. I understand. Everyone has their own fee-," Vernon says, immediately rushing to reassure you that he wasn't trying to pressure you into liking him back, but completely misunderstanding your response in the process.

Reaching gently, you silently press your finger to Vernon's lips, stopping his rambling. Brushing your hand through his soft brown locks, you give him a fond smile before connecting your lips with his in a kiss that gets more and more passionate as each second goes by.

When you and Vernon finally pull away, both of you speechless and silently leaning into each other's touch, you finally find the words to respond to Vernon's confession.

"I like you too, you idiot."

[koiiiji]

here for you

author’s note ; been thinking about annoying classmate Jinseong (Zack Lee) and ended up with this… past days ideas are rich for possessive guys😪 will post something cute too!!!

tw ; slightly yandere

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Lee Jinseong had always prided himself on his newly acquired in university ability to remain calm and collected. the days of street fights and reckless behavior were gone ; now his baggy clothes masked his athletic physique, and he kept to himself, focusing on his studies, avoiding the social scene he had once thrived in. but all that changed the moment he met you.

it started innocently enough — just a few casual conversations after class, small talk that didn’t seem like much at the time. you’d laugh at his jokes, ask him about his interests, and listen patiently when he talked about boxing and martial arts. unlike everyone else, you seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say. you weren’t like the people he used to hang out with in high school. you listened.

Jinseong thrived on that attention, and before long, he found himself seeking it out more and more. it was like a drug — each conversation, each smile from you, pulling him deeper into a hole he couldn’t control. he told himself it was harmless at first. you were friends, right? friends talk, friends hang out. but that wasn’t enough for Jinseong. not anymore.

he began to text you constantly, at all hours. at first, it was normal — little things like, “hey, what’s up?” or “wanna study together?” but then the messages became more frequent, more desperate.

JinJin: "what are you doing?" JinJin: "are you busy?" JinJin: "why aren’t you answering?" JinJin: "are you with someone else?"

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messages would pile up, one after the other, even if you hadn’t responded yet. sometimes he’d send three or four in a row within minutes, and the longer you didn’t reply, the more desperate his texts became.

it wasn’t long before his behavior in person became just as suffocating. he was always there — waiting outside your classes, showing up at the library, popping up unannounced at your dorm. at first, you tried to brush it off, telling yourself that Jinseong was just being a good friend, just protective. but the more it happened, the harder it became to ignore how clingy and persistent he was becoming.

“hey, you’re here!” Jinseong’s voice startled you one afternoon as you sat in the library. you hadn’t told him you’d be there, but there he was, standing at the end of the table with that all-too-familiar grin.

“uh, yeah… studying,” you said, forcing a smile as he pulled out the chair across from you. Jinseong didn’t seem to notice the awkwardness. “mind if i join?” he didn’t wait for an answer before settling in.

you tried to focus on your work, but it was impossible with Jinseong sitting so close, constantly shifting in his seat, watching you with an intensity that made your skin crawl. after every few minutes of silence, he’d ask you something, his questions coming out of nowhere, desperate for attention.

“what are you reading?” Jinseong asked, leaning in way too close so you could feel his breath on your cheek, and you just knew his hand resting on the back of your chair. “need any help?”

“no, i’m good,” you replied, feeling how your face just burning and crawling embarrassment. he wasn’t even trying to be subtle anymore.

“are you sure? i mean, i can help you with anything. we can study together more often.” he smiled, but there was an edge of neediness in his voice that made your stomach twist. you tried to stay calm, but the more he clung to you, the more anxious you became.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

he followed you out of the library that day, insisting on walking you home, talking nonstop about things you weren’t even paying attention to. his presence felt oppressive now — too close, too constant, too much.

the real breaking point came one night after class. Jinseong showed up at your dorm unexpectedly, knocking on the door with a wide grin on his face.

“hey!” he said cheerfully when you opened the door. “thought we could hang out.”

“JinJin,” you breath out his nickname, a force of habit, but not a sincere wish to him affectionately “it’s late,” you said, trying to keep your voice neutral. “i’m really tired. i’ve got a lot of work to do.”

his smile faltered for a second, but he quickly recovered. “come on, just for a little while. i brought some snacks. you like those, right?”

you hesitated, guilt tugging at you for a moment. but the more Jinseong pushed, the more you realized just how badly you wanted some space. “i really can’t tonight, Jinseong. maybe some other time.”

there was a flicker of something dark in his eyes, — you almost never called him by his full name — and for a moment, you thought he might not leave. but then he let out a small laugh, though it sounded forced. “yeah, okay… sure. tomorrow, then?”

you nodded quickly, wanting to end the conversation, but the way he lingered at your door for just a second too long sent a shiver down your spine. when he finally left, you shut the door, exhaling deeply, your chest tight with unease. what had started as friendly attention had spiraled into something else entirely, something you couldn’t control. and as you leaned against the door, you realized with a sinking feeling that Jinseong wasn’t going to stop.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨🍓୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

[n0tamused]

A/n: I sort of strayed a little with this one I feel like, but thank you sm for the request, and I hope you enjoy this!

Contents: Mortefi x GN!Reader, jealous reader, reader is very stubborn I must say, not proof-read. lemme know what you think!

Words: 3059

It’s suffocating. Uncomfortably warm and slimy. This feeling that roils within your chest and throat, you’re sure you’re about to start feeling sick from the thoughts spiraling within your mind. And the lab papers in front of you and the endless sound of the machine’s beeping is not enough to distract you.

Beep-beep-beep.

Have you done something wrong? What could it be? Only minutes prior were you looking at these papers with some sense of pride, imagination running wild with the possible outcomes of this hypothesis, positive ones. Yet, they were so easily shattered when Mortefi breezed by, catching a glimpse of the words printed on top, leaving several comments of where you could improve - how you should improve if you want to go through with this. Had you had a clear mind you would’ve done as he said, taken his words as helpful advice and not as an attack on your work. But his tone remained the same as always, it didn’t soften nor did it grow warm. So it made you wonder what he meant, or rather - what he really felt towards you. The latter was a question that occupied your mind for a long time.

He moved past you to the center of the lab, nearing one of the many lit computers, just where Baizhi stood. From afar you could see them greet one another and begin to talk. And that feeling in your chest only expanded further, pawing at your ribs and making you frown at the helplessness. Mortefi looked interested in whatever their topic of conversation was, and it lasted some odd few minutes. Odd minutes you couldn’t keep your focus until both of them left to their own stations, and far out of your sight. 

A heavy breath fell from you, irritated but also… sad. 

With your mind in a strewn about yarn, threads hanging, you began to think if this work was even worthy for you. God knew you wanted it, you signed up for it, you spent nights studying and working to be better and get better than that but all that effort seemed to fall short and small within Baizhi’s shadow. And you don’t even blame her, she is excellent in her work, you don’t hate her. But you’d give a questionable amount of things to have a fraction of that sweet attention Mortefi was giving her. Perhaps you were being unreasonable, irrational - and you don’t argue with it - you’re seeing green and red everywhere, and with hasty hands you collect your papers after making small adjustments, crossing out lines of text and noting down new words. And moments later you’re off to another part of the Academy, away from Mortefi and Baizhi.

What little glimpse Mortefi caught of you as you left shows disappointment and, and in the way you held yourself he saw traces of turmoil that he didn’t fully understand from that one look. He remained at his station, engrossed in his research and unaware of the burden you carried in your heart. 

It wasn’t until the time for your report came and went. And when your break time came and went. And you were nowhere in sight.

That made an odd feeling settle in his chest, a vibration of an unknown bass playing amidst the bones of his ribcage, waves of it washing up to his neck. Unable to ignore it any longer, he bid farewell to his station for the time being, one hand buried in the pocket of his lab coat, playing with the lighter. Flick..flick..

There was not one spot in this wide and vast Academy that you could hide from him, not when he wasn’t particularly looking for you and even more so when he was specifically looking for you. He could spot you in a crowd by one lone look, to him you stood out like a flower amidst grass, how could he overlook you? Following the path familiar to him, he comes into a lab room smaller in contrast than the others, hidden away from the hustle and bustle of the center room and the halls. It is clean, it is comfortable. His eyes land on your back, your nose buried in your papers, your hands hastily fiddling with the apparatus in front of you. You barely acknowledged his presence.

As if to avoid startling you, Mortefi clears his throat, but he fails and watches as you flinch at the sudden disturbance. 

“Mortefi? Uh- What are you doing here? Did you need me?” the questions tumble out from your mouth out of habit rather than genuine curiosity. You turned to face him, brows lightly knit together and eyes regarding him with a mix of feelings and inquiries. 

“I grew curious as to where you vanished off to. Has your research been so indulgent that you forgot to eat or report in? It’s been 3 hours and some odd minutes since you began on this project this morning” he began, the nail on his thumb grazing underneath the lid of his lighter within his pocket, keeping still, yet tense in his hand. His sharp gaze moves from your eyes and down to the table you were working at, noting the sharpie marks across your paper and thinner lines from your pen, and giving a small nod at them he said: “You made those adjustments I told you about, I trust”

This pulls your attention from him and at the papers, and taking his words as some sign to move freely you begin to stack pages back on top of another. “Yes. I made the necessary changes to it all. I just need to put it all into practice and, hopefully, get the results I want” you respond, clearing your parched throat. His gaze is intense, you can feel it at the back of your head like two sharp points of a stick. 

“You’ve been pushing yourself today, unnecessarily so. I sense some growing frustration from you” he says, leaving the topic open ended, expecting you to explain yourself, but where do you even begin without looking like a fool? Like a child? 

You sigh, looking around the table yet searching for nothing as you shrug your shoulders. “No, no.. I just haven't been sleeping too well lately, and it seems that all is catching up to me” you offer a empty excuse, before reaching for a blank sheet of paper, a part of you yearning to keep him here, and the other wishing him to leave you with your own emotional burdens. “If a report is what you need, I can only offer what I have from the experiment thus far, but it is not concluded, I apologize”

“Ah, yes.. sleep. One thing that is most underestimated in its importance” he mused out loud, tone flat and ignoring your latter statement for a moment too long. He was pressing deeper into the crux of the matter, not letting you shift the topic too easily. “The report for an unfinished work will not be necessary, it’s much more preferable if you take a bit longer to get end results than to hand over a half-baked product”, he sighed, pushing his golden rimmed glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “Your dedication is admirable, but we can hardly expect progress if you're operating on insufficient rest and mental fatigue”.

You have to stop yourself from either chuckling or spinning around to stare at him as if he was speaking backwards. But no matter what you tried, you couldn’t stop your heart from hammering in your chest.

“Perhaps you should have Baizhi take a look at you. She can prescribe you some soothing medication to help you sleep. But as for work.. You’re done for today” he stated plainly, looking to the side and barely missing your shocked eyes.

“What? Are you dismissing me?” you blurted out, suddenly afraid you have done something wrong or that you offended him in some capacity. He’d never send you home, especially not when you were in the midst of a project. 

“It's not a matter of dismissiveness, but rather a practical decision. If your exhaustion is hindering your ability to perform optimally, what benefit is there in insisting on your presence here?” he replied, his tone cool and detached. You blink at him owlishly, confused and, quite frankly, afraid. Previous anger, sadness and jealousy all melting away from your bones like wax over a flame. The flame being Mortefi himself. An eternal blaze that swallowed everything in its wake. You were wondering how it didn’t engulf you by now.

But in that thought alone you missed the point of it all. His flames didn’t touch you, didn’t scorn you because he willed them that way. The warmth of them kept you warm, kept you alive, kept you in this field and as his coworker, a place most others wouldn’t be able to handle. He would soften it all if he knew how, to show you he cares.

Sensing a shift in your emotions, Mortefi softened his gaze, a subtle nod of understanding replacing the usual aloofness he carried. He saw the confusion and fear in your eyes, and it pained him that he had inadvertently caused it. He knew that his words could often come across as cold and dismissive, but it was never his intention to harm or offend.

“Rest is not a punishment, but a necessary part of the work process. To push oneself to the point of exhaustion is unproductive. It only inhibits progress. Trust me when I tell you this."

Softness is undeniably present in his voice now, and your mind goes blank. Your mind was still stuck on this morning, on your project, but here he was breaking all illusions and thoughts by simply being kind. 

“I can’t say I don’t appreciate your concern, but..” you look up at his eyes only to find a scowl curling the corners of his lips, and you sigh again, looking away in embarrassment. “I can’t argue with you either, can I?”

“No, you cannot. Now, go pack up what you have. I’ll go contact Baizhi and see if she can get a check up on you before you leave”

“No, no, that won’t be necessary..” you wave your hands before you, shaking your head simultaneously to deny the offer with your entire being. “I already have some tea at home that can help me with this, no need for a check up. I insist” you try, but only get a cocked brow from Mortefi, you can already tell what he’s thinking. 

“Tea alone cannot be sufficient in treating issues related to poor sleep. Besides, it goes without saying Baizhi is well versed in medicine, and her prior check-ups of your health have been of great help to you, have they not? If tea was that simple of medicine, why have you not seen improvement?” he shot back sharply and you grew quiet, not wishing to prolong this argument further, but staying silent wouldn’t be the way to go either.

“I don’t want to see Baizhi right now” you said plainly, tone low and softened involuntarily. Your reply was met with a skeptical look, Mortefi’s head tilted in question. “And why not? Do I need to pull you to her office myself? You’re not a child, (Y/n)” he countered, not low on his arsenal of words and snappy remarks. He approached you closer, closing the distance between the two of you until he could peer into your avoidant eyes, making your heart skip a beat.

“I just.. Mortefi, I don’t know. I don’t want to see Baizhi and that’s final. Don’t make me go see her. I’ve seen enough of you two this morning” It slipped from your mouth sooner than you could pull it back, and immediately you regretted your choice of words, cursing the ability to speak. “Uh-”

Mortefi froze in his tracks, his sharp eyes widening subtly in surprise. The mention of Baizhi and himself seemed to strike a chord in him, and his stoic façade cracked just enough to betray a hint of confusion. “Hm? Have we done something to offend you to this degree of avoidance? I wasn’t aware of any discomfort inflicted upon you” he knitted his brows, looking at you for answers, his turn to feel on edge now. Were you implying he was acting out of line with Baizhi? He knew of how he behaved around others and he saw no flaws in his dealings with other colleagues, so it all left him in a more twisted maze. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat, lips pressing into a thin line. “Mortefi- no. You haven’t done anything to offend me, I am not offended. I just.. uh.. No, it’s all too silly. I just meant that you two just seem to be too busy with your shared workload, and I just got tired of seeing it all” It’s a badly written lie, and the truth is bleeding through the cracks in neon colors. You’re cringing at yourself, really.. The lies you were uttering, however poorly woven, were evident in the way your face creased. He could almost hear your thoughts, almost see the jealousy and insecurity that plagued you through the lies you were trying to hide behind.

He paused for a moment, considering the situation carefully, before responding. "Is it really about our workloads, or is there something else that you're not telling me?" He asked calmly, his voice low and measured.

A pregnant pause befell your ears, only being interrupted by a distant hum of a machine outside of the room, and the footsteps of other workers in the halls. He does not push you to answer swiftly, instead he waits, patient as ever with you.

“I suppose…”

“You suppose..?”

It’d be a lie to say he wasn’t taut as a bowstring, ready to hear you out, anticipating your reply. His heart was squeezing painfully in his chest.

“Ugh..I just.. Promise me you will not be angry at me, and that you will not think ill of me after I tell you?” 

“Well, this must be big if you’re asking that of me” he breathed out. Your hesitation was palpable, and the silence between them dragged on, only adding to the palpable tension. Finally, the words came, and he felt a strange mixture of anticipation and trepidation.

“I'll promise no such thing will come from me. Your words cannot change the way I feel about you” he replied, his voice tinged with a touch of irritation.

With a heavy breath you closed in on yourself, arms folded over your chest. “I was just.. watching how close you and Baizhi are this morning and for a long time now. You always spend so much time together, and despite you and I being direct coworkers and more than that outside of this Academy, I feel.. left behind”

“You are jealous?”

“If you wish to put it that bluntly - then yes. I am”

Mortefi’s coldness and stiffness seemed to melt, the answer finally clearing up the brain fog that had started to develop in his head. Things were looking clearer at long last, and with that he also felt as if he failed you. He has failed to make you feel appreciated as you deserved, and that makes his gut twist in on itself.

“I fail to see why you’d be jealous of Baizhi, even with the time we spent together. Baizhi and I are strictly work colleagues and nothing more. You are the one that gets to be in my presence, sharing stories and desserts after work hours..” Mortefi says out loud, moreso speaking to himself than you, as if trying to figure out your point of view. He wasn’t dismissing your emotions, but he failed to grasp them within his own two hands. He had been so preoccupied with his own work and responsibilities that he had failed to notice the toll it was taking on his relationship with you. His focus had been so singularly on his research, on his partnership with Baizhi, that he had unintentionally neglected the depth of the connection he had with you.

“I do have to apologize” he cuts you off before you can speak. “This.. area is not within my expertise, per se. If I had neglected you, I would’ve liked if you openly communicated this with myself” he offered, and the lighter in his hand feels like it will break apart under pressure.  “And while I can’t limit my time with Baizhi, as it is all just work, I can accommodate you as well by spending more time with or around you, if that will help you feel more.. at ease” 

There is clarity ringing its bell over your head as he speaks, already offering solutions to this problem you made out of irrational thought. Bless his heart, for all he is cold and aloof he is ten times more kind. Snappy as he is, he means well.

“Mortefi... Mortefi, I am sorry too. I did want to keep this with myself, it shouldn’t have come to this point where you try to resolve my issues by yourself”

At that he scoffed, almost chuckling but no laughter came from him. One hand perches itself on his hip and he looks at you with a look that screams of his desire to see this through. 

“Oh, but how can I ignore it now that it is in front of me? No, that will not do. Especially since it is you who we’re talking about. You go ahead now, I’ll think of something until the end of my shift. I’ll give you a call later this evening”

Afterwards your company would leave his presence and the lab, having left with more reason than conflict, and with a mind full anticipation of his words.

And just like clockwork, by the end of his shift he’d give you a call, telling you to come meet him at your favorite dessert place. 

Mortefi is special in his way of showing affection..

He is yet to learn his way with words when it comes to sweet nothings, but until then he can take care of you and help you out with work. Whatever helps you see that you, indeed, do matter much to him. 

Ⓒ n0tamused. Do not repost, translate, edit, and/or copy any of my works. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

Tags: @pinksaiyans

[piggycyberwarrior]

How the Arcane Characters would react to a smart!s/o

a/n: hey guys so yeah.. i am backkk. love you all and pls request or talk to me if you want <3 don't be shy!!

Contains: Viktor, Vi, Ekko, Silco, Jinx

Disclaimer: Okay so i know people can be smart without reading books- but reading online articles or there are different reasons BUT there is no "world wide web" in the Arcane Universe. That is why the reader's a massive bookworm-kinda-smart person (?)

warnings: itsy bitsy teenie tiny mention of mature themes (turn on; feral) but NO further description; mentions of kissing (?), goofy Jinx (like what did you expect T-T) not proof read

let me know if i missed any warnings!!

Viktor

LOVES IT

like really he would be so thrilled to have a smart partner

would constantely go to the library with you- buying old science books or books about stuff that you like to read.

^ he never lets you buy them tho <3

Asks you when there are some issues with his work.. like this is such an honour (my bby has some issues when it comes to asking for help)

Viktor would always and I mean ALWAYS compliment you

-"look at my smart darling"

He just feels understood and so comfortable with you as you are on the same wavelenght as him

Loves to hear you ramble to him about the most random things at night, during walks, breakfast, in the morning, just simply at anytime

peppers your whole face with kisses while you ramble to him in the morning- loves to make you laugh, giggle or chuckle

Also adores it to have deep conversations with you

He just loves you<3

Vi

it would turn her on so much to be honest

like its so attractive (fr guys)

she would listen to you all the time, rambling and or reading to her- even tho she doesn't understand shit sometimes

loves it when you put her in her place when she did something stupid

also loves that you are a walking wikipedia

"Cupcake, what do you mean the dot over the "i" has a name??"

- " yeah its called the tittle or superscript dot- not only the dot over the i but also the dot on top of the j"

"WhAt?"

would constantely brag about you to EVERYONE like its almost embarrassing stopp vi please

used to steal you books from Piltover (still does it to be honest)

sometimes asks you if that one random fact she heard was true

loves to kiss you after you answered her question- as a price for being this smart <3

Ekko

lmao i don't know why but Ekko is such a sucker for intelligent/smart people

like dis man would be on his KNEES for you.

he would be always crafting stuff with you, always making sure you've got a new book in your hand, always kissing the ground you walk on

he wastes no time getting you anything that you need for your studies, crafts or freetime.

Has no shame- will show you off to EVERYBODY ON THIS GOD DAMN PLANET (like Vi)- especially to his teammates tho

loves loves LOVES to spend time with you and teach him the things you know or learned

"So the Midas effect is about people becoming more generous after a simple touch?" "Exactely, but the effect isn't scientifically proven- its just an assumption." "I see.."

also loves your fascination for knowledge

I'm sorry but he would go absolutely feral when he sees you teaching stuff to the small kids in the HQ.

it would make him so happy ngl

He would kiss you after that everytime- praising you that you're so smart

Silco

he would think it's so hot

Lets you read or craft in his office so he can watch you

^ it calms him

i don't think he would brag about you but he would be so proud of you neverthless

tells you that too

isn't stupid himself so he sometimes reads the books you enjoyed reading- he does that because he wants to know what you're talking about- never admits that tho

"What are you reading, handsome?- "Oh.. History of the World- it's quite interesting" you looked at him dumbfounded but quickly smiled "It really is interesting- the text structur is just beautiful!" you happily cheered

he loves it when you ramble to him at night- him laying on your chest and softly carding your fingers through his hair i love this man

just stares at you with that unreadable hot gaze of his when you start mumbling to yourself about some equations.

doesnt look all that dazed but on the inside he is GONE!!

he is so in love

grabs your chin and turns it to his face- pressing your lips onto his. Loves how you squeal- suprised that he interrupted your train of thought

Jinx

she adores it SO MUCH

constantely wants you to talk to her like she sits there- criscrossed, head resting in her palms- listening as if she has nothing else to do.

always wants you to tell her anything that you learned

^ she deadass throws a tantrum if you don't

only really listens to you- thinks you are always right

just like her sister- you have to keep her from doing stupid stuff

^ you cannot tell me she wouldn't do anything stupid lmao

decorates your book covers and doesnt know why you're so stressed everytime she does it (like thats a no-no , darling pls)

like thats so weird and all but she loves to read Picture books while you read Aristotle- just to feel the vibe

"How is your book?" you asked her with a raised eybrow while flipping to the next page- hearing her hum as she was reading that picture book. "Oh it's great, pudding- the ducks finally found their home!!"- "Really, that's good to hear" you chuckled softly

gives you suprise kiss-attacks when you're absorbed in your work

brags to sevika how smart her s/o is but gets jealous when others tell you that you're smart like gurl?

please do reblog, sweetheart <3

[allthornsnopetals]

Prologue: Stain the Parchment E. Bridgerton

Description: Flora Deluca -Lady da silva- is the pen pow and beloved author of Eloise Bridgerton. With her travels around the world, Flora finally travels to Mayfair London, in the hopes to inquire inspiration for yet another successful story, one in London, away from France and Italy with the aid of her pen pow. Unknowingly enbarking her romance mini-series.

:Master list:

"Miss Flora, you have received a few more letters from your readers, a lot more." Said Claudia, lowering a stack of folded and sealed papers, all written from the same sender.

Eloise Bridgerton: A new and quite fond reader of Miss Flora Deluca's novels, poems and volumes. She always wrote but Flora only ever read her letters, too busy to answer all her fan mail, especially Miss Eloise, who writes so often, she simply could not read them all.

But tonight is different, it's stale, cold and without excitement. Once left in peace, she began to sift through each written text, enjoying the character of the writer. She found amusement in every letter, all with a different perspective on love, marriage and romance. To simply put it, Miss Eloise is anti-love, which is ironic given, the reminder that Flora's genre is predominantly romantic.

But Eloise doesn't seem to mind, enjoying star-cross lovers, unrequited love, right person wrong time and general adventure. Adventures throughout France and Italy, Flora's mother lands. The more she read the more interested she became, intrigued in the young lady, who seems to have a gift for literature. Ideas racked her mind, ones of adventure, travels and new stories.

Without a second thought, Flora began to write to Miss Eloise of London.

Dear Miss Eloise Bridgerton,

I find your mind fascinating, intriguing and fresh. I like your take on the topic of romance and the rights for women. I do hope you put it to good use, for a woman like yourself has skill and potential. I am to travel to Mayfair London in four months, before the debutante season of marriage, for my father is to inherit his family estate there, and I am to start a new life in the Ton. By your letters, you seem to be a local, someone to show me around and help me to settle in.

I do hope to see you, perhaps get some ideas for a new story.

Yours truly,

Lady da Silva

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

"Eloise, you have a letter from... Italy?" Violet turns the letter in her hand, holding it out to her daughter with great confusion.

Eloise cracks her gaze from her book, eyeing the parchment, snatching and ripping it open. "From Italy? From whom?" Hyacinth inquires, trying to see the letter.

Eloise scowls. "From no one, mind your own. It is not your business." Said Eloise, shooing her little sister away with Benedict slumping himself beside her, also very excited.

"Is it from Lady da Silva?" He questions in a hushed voice, wetting his lips.

The two share a love for the author and artist, who illustrates her own books and covers. Both, sending letters frequently, but only one receiving a reply.

With a gasp, Eloise clarifies their suspicions, her grin far too wide for a typical letter. "She likes my mind, she thinks it's rather fascinating," She gloats with a smirk. "And she's moving to London!" She screams, jumping for joy with Benedict, like fools, sharing an embrace.

"I am to write to her right away!" She runs up the main stairway, leaving her family in silent confusion.

Dear Lady da Silva,

I am greatly honored to receive word from you and to be given the opportunity to aid you in your next book. I have plenty of ideas, adventures, character personality and genres. How about a heroine? A woman hero, who embarks on a quest, an adventure.

I cannot wait to finally meet you, to brainstorm with you, to work with you! Your novels are legendary here, in the Ton, enjoyed by all— yes, even by men. Genevieve Delacroix, the modiste introduced me to your books— surprisingly we mingle a lot, discussing your books over tea and fittings. She too, is quite the literature, she adores your poems, always quoting those of affection, frequently, must I add.

She would love to meet you. Oh, and my brother, Benedict, who found himself looped into our little book club— if you can call it that— and writes to you as well, but it seems you have only replied to my letters, which I thank you greatly, truly. You bruised his heart for only replying to me, forcing him to quote your latest publish: Irony is of the Heart. Your best work, if it means, he too, is quoting your work.

I can't wait to see you,

Eloise Bridgerton

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Time flew by rather quickly, sending letters, the two made a connection, forging a friendship by letter, staining their parchments, their minds occupied with the other. The two became pen pows, rather quickly, their letters becoming more intimate and personal, Flora was beginning to think she were already with her.

Sooner than she thought, she were in Mayfair London, unpacking her chambers, decorating and finding new furniture for her study. Once sat for the night, she wrote to Eloise, informing her of her arrival and her need for new garments. Marking a time to meet and unknowingly a new beginning.

[grison-in-space]

wondering about whether you could rec some "romance is a social construct" texts? ofc it is, but i like having books and articles to reference/learn specifics from/see how these ideas have developed.

Sure! Here's a quick reading list. Bear in mind that I am not a professional historian and my reading on this subject is a little diffuse. I'm not tackling the behavioral ecology stuff right now because a) I don't have a more direct book rec off the top of my head than Evolution's Rainbow, which is not technically focused on social monogamy, and also b) I approach that whole field with my eyes wide open for people letting their own perspectives and cultural views get in the way of their observations of animals, and I do not have the energy to go deal with it right now.

If you're going to read two books, read these two:

Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, A History: how love conquered marriage. 2006. All of Coontz' work, having to do with the social construction of the family, is relevant reading to this question (and I'd also recommend The Nostalgia Trap, because the historical context of how we conceptualize families is a major part of the construction of romantic love), but this one is most focused on the social construction of romantic love specifically and what it has replaced. Coontz is, I will disclose cheerfully, a major formative influence on my thinking.

Moira Wegel, Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. 2016. Exactly what it says on the tin; focuses more closely on the modern invention of dating and romance.

Other useful readings to help inform your understanding of different ways that various people have conceptualized sex, sexuality, society and long-term connection include:

George Chauncey, Why Marriage? 2015. Chauncey is best known for Gay New York, which also offers a useful history of the way that relationship models and social constructs for understanding homosexuality changed among men having sex with men c. 1900 to 1950. This book, published just before Obergefell v. Hodges, is a discussion of why contemporary queer rights organizations focused on same-sex marriage as an activism plank in the wake of AIDS organizing. I find it really useful to read queer history when I'm thinking about how we understand and construct the concept of romantic relationships, because queers complicate the mainstream, heteronormative concepts of what marriage and romantic relationships actually are. More importantly, queer activist organizing around marriage has played a major role in shaping our collective understanding of romance and marriage in the past twenty years.

Elizabeth Abbott, A History of Celibacy, 2000. In order to understand how various cultures construct understandings of marriage and spousal relationships, it can be illustrative to consider what the people who are explicitly not participating in the institution are doing and why not. I found this an interesting pass over historical and social institutions that forbid (or forbade) marriage with a discussion about general trends driving these institutions, individuals, and movements towards celibacy.

Eleanor Janega, The Once and Future Sex, 2023. This is a very pointed historical look at gender roles, concepts of beauty, and concepts of sex, attraction, and marriage among medieval Europeans with an extended meditation on what ideas have and have not changed between that time and today. I include this work because I think a deep dive into medieval notions of courtly romance is useful, partly because it is an important origin of our modern notion of romantic love and partly because it is so usefully and starkly different from that modern notion! Sometimes the best way to understand the cultural construction of ideas in your own society is to go look at someone else's and see where things are the same versus different.

It's a mish-mash of recommendations, and I'm reaching more for books that have stuck with me over the years than a clean scholarly approach to the subject. I hope other folks will chime in for you with their own recommendations!

[bryngmemoney]

✁FASHION FLIRT✃

Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

⭑story masterlist link

tw: death joke, worms (maybe?)

lots of Writing between Messages!!

🪡Chapter Twenty-seven: Fixing him

“Megumi,”

“hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” you didn’t notice it , but he tightened his grip on the wheel, his other hand that was by his side he used to pinch the fabric of his pants.

“You just seem quiet, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, but you never told me where we were going.”

“Oh right!” to be honest you had completely forgotten you hadn’t told him, and you did promise you’d say where the morning of. “It’s a little book cafe! My friend recommended it to me, I thought it seemed fitting.”

“So, you’ve been here before with them?” he questioned. “Nope, we can try it out together.” He smiled a little, and you did notice that, happy to at least get a little more emotion out of him.

“Hi! Welcome in,” A girl with a short brown bob looked up to you and Megumi walking in, adjusting herself at the front of the counter next to a bakery display waiting for you to approach.

“Hi,” you greeted back.

“Do you two need help with anything?”

“Not looking for anything particular, thank you though,” you answered, turning to look at Megumi only to see him already looking around the place, specifically staring off towards a shelf of books.

“Ok, well let me know if you need anything.”

You nodded as the girl went back to her previous task. There were only a couple of other people inside the place, probably less than ten. It was larger than you expected it to be from the outside exterior, but still very homey. You had just begun to take a few steps in, only for Megumi to grab your hand and lead the way.

“Look,” he said once stopping in front of a shelf, picking a book out and handing it to you. “One of my favorites.” You were a little taken aback, but just smiled looking at it, front and back, trying to figure out what it was. “How is your eyesight that good you saw this from the entrance?”

“Can you do that again?” You looked up, only to see him pull out a smaller camera from his jacket’s pocket. Smaller than the one you had seen him with before. How did you not notice he was carrying that?

“Uhm, okay,” and you repeated your action, feeling slightly strange, but at least he seemed more alive now.

“Thank you.” His smile at that moment was contagious, seeming genuinely happy.

“Was that just for you or for your project?” you asked, mirroring his expression.

“Do you want your hint for the day?”

“Yes please.” He leaned his camera towards you, showing you the four photos he took, “They are for the project,” he informed.

“What’s wrong with your loaf?”

“What?” Megumi looked up from his page, eyes wide full of confusion.

“The pastry you ordered, you took two bites and haven’t touched it since.” You had been watching Megumi for the past thirty minutes he’s been sitting across from you. Although you both originally started with conversation that had slowly filed down into you guys reading what you had chosen. You thought back to what Nobara had said over text and couldn’t help but think maybe she was right. He’d probably be happy if you had just taken him outside then given him a book.

“Oh,” he looked down next to him, starring at the piece of bread on the small plate, “It’s just.. too sweet.”

“Too sweet?”

He looked back up at you, shrugging before picking up his mug taking a sip of his dark coffee. “I’m not really a fan of sweets.” He placed the cup back down, then went back to reading.

“You’re such an interesting man Megumi.”

“Really?” he questioned looking back up to you.

“You’re interesting to me.” He just looked at you, both of you making eye contact for a few seconds, and he failed to look away on time so you wouldn’t see the pink dusting his face. “Thanks I guess.”

Author’s Note: concrete🎀

um so complications irl, am not able to finish the next chapter today, will post two chapters for tomorrows update promise 😊🤞

hope you guys enjoyed!!

Taglist below, feel free to comment or dm me to be added!!

TAGLIST

@iridescentrays @gumimegz @maya-maya-56 @mamafly @lunavixia @swissy23 @coltsgf @m00nglad3-mp3 @etsukis @xosren @qtnfer @oengleli @harek89 @y-sabell-a @morgyyyyyyy @getolvr @liliumaraneae @k3lbade @aiieera @dancedancey @get0sfav @chuyasthighs0 @hyssoplampflickers @kpopanimen @sad-darksoul @vivi-loves-penguins @kasumitenbaz @talkingsperm @nymphsdomain @inlovewithlondonn @rzcnlb @enchantingkitty @fuyuzemi @lysaray @ni-ki-ismyluv @renemy @frumira @mixzimi @miralunaela @dreamxiing @p3achiee @anianurst @nishii28 @arguendo @samutoru @hallothankmas @invisible-mori @aiserex @all-in-the-fandoms @milza12 @nyxlai @daintyminho @tokyodarlng @molovs

[h2llish]

【╰ヾ❝ CATS AND BOOKS ✧„

SATAN ━━ he's falling in love with a human ♡ fluff, just a little angsty, so many cats, pining, gender neutral, lowercase intended

part of the love in chance series

satan has read many books ━ romance, mystery, thriller, and much more. he's read through books about forbidden romances, mysterious thrillers that end with an unexpected killer, and he'll recall all of them perfectly. satan has always loved reading, however, he's never had anyone to share that feeling with. sure, mc has shown interest in his books and the two occasionally suggested books to one another (although it was mostly satan giving suggestions), but their love for books wasn't the same as satan's and they both knew that.

reading was something he used to hopefully distract himself from the rage that came with his sin. the same sin that led him up to the human world with mc as the human exchange student did their best to distract the demon after another fight with the eldest brother.

"why don't you wait out here?" mc suggested as the two of them found themselves on a street full of stores and buildings of all types. they gestured towards a small building of what seemed to be a tea shop. why they were going in there, satan wasn't sure, but he nodded nonetheless. mc smiled, but didn't turn to enter the shop just yet, "you can look around too, you know? we can always meet back up here. i think there's a bookstore nearby, why don't you check that out?"

satan hesitanted, glancing around the market area. it wasn't packed with people, but there was still quite a number of couples and groups that walked the area. he sighed, turning back to mc, "i guess i'll look around."

"okay!" mc smiled, "i'll text you later, 'kay?"

satan nodded and they turned away, entering the teashop. satan deflated for a moment, before straightening his shoulders and turning to the decent crowd of people. if mc was correct about a bookstore being somewhere along the rows of stores, then he'd rather occupy there than continue to roam outside among people who didn't know the definition of personal space.

satan found himself soon weaving through the crowd, eyeing the several stores in search of the bookstore mc thought to be there. but his searched continuously came with a lack of results, and eventually he began to think that maybe mc had been mistaken. perhaps they mixed it up with a different area? there's plenty of similar streets like this one, he's heard, they might've recalled a different one.

with a sigh, satan pushed through the crowd, shoulders relaxing as he found cover from the rushing people in a corner between a perfume store and a store without a name or owner from the looks of it. there was a very thin alley he stood in front of, between the two buildings despite the many other stores being connected to each other. the alley wasn't very wide, and he was sure only a little d could squeeze through.

"well, what to do?" he spoke to himself, glancing down at the screen of his d.d.d.

"mrrow."

satan found himself quickly perking up at the familiar sound, turning his head to look down as something rubbed against his ankle. a tabby cat, he realized as he kneeled in front of the feline, holding out his hand. it purred as it rubbed the side of its face against his fingers. the avatar of wrath quickly assumed the cat to be a stray, by the lack of collar and parts of hair missing. yet it did not run from him, happily leaning into his touch as he pet it gently.

more soft calls joined the tabby's purrs, and he glanced back, blinking as more cats slowly came from the thin alley, and he smiled. some of them stopped to join the tabby in the attention it received from the demon before turning away and joining the few who chose to ignore him. there was an awful lot of strays; yet all of them, including the tabby, seemed well fed and some looked groomed or otherwise taken care of. it made him question if he was right about them being strays.

he gasped as the device in his hand was snatched away, eyes widening for a moment as he watched the tabby cat, he was petting bolt away in the direction of the other stray cats, his d.d.d in its mouth. "what━ hey!" satan yelled as he stood to his feet, wasting no time in going after the cats who maneuvered under and around the feet of passing humans.

the gather of cats seemed to all have the same destination as they turned a corner, some people quickly moving out of the way as soon as they noticed the group of felines. satan managed to keep up, confused and maybe a little irritated as he watched the tabby cat who stole his d.d.d turn into one of the stores on the street. the door was left ajar, letting the cat enter with ease, and satan was quick to follow.

satan entered the store, glancing around at the━ oh, it's a bookstore.

"mrrow."

"oh!"

satan turned to the back of the bookstore where he seen the tabby cat who stole from him was sitting on the counter where the register was, his d.d.d set down in front of it. behind the counter was a person, staring at the cat in a bit of confusion. maybe they wondered why a cat was in a bookstore?

"what's that?" they asked the cat, grabbing the device and looking it over, "did you━"

satan cleared his throat, and they jumped, obviously having not realized someone other than the cat (or cats, because now he's realized the other cats had joined the tabby inside), had entered.

"oh, uh," they smiled, "sorry, hello. how can i help you?"

satan gestured toward the d.d.d in their hand, "that belongs to me."

they glanced down at his device, blinking a few times, before gasping and narrowing their eyes on the tabby cat now laying comfortably on the counter, "thief! you stole from someone again!" the cat curled itself into a ball, ignoring them. they sighed, shaking their head and turning back to satan, holding out the d.d.d, "i'm sorry! thief is always stealing from people. so many have come to me because he stole their phone or wallet." they began petting the tabby, or thief, as they called it while satan tucked his d.d.d back into his pocket.

"is he━" satan cut himself off, gesturing towards the cats that joined thief on the counter and those that chose to curl up on shelves stacked with books, "are they yours?"

"oh, no." they shook their head, using their hand not petting thief to scratch another cat's chin, "they're all strays." they shrugged, stepping away from the counter and the cats for a moment to kneel and grab something from behind. they stood straight again, smiling as they held up a bag of cat treats. "but i feed them! and they're always welcome here."

satan looked down as one of the cats, a grey cat, walked up to him. it looked old, a cat he can only guess has been on the streets for a long time. satan kneeled, smiling gently as it sniffed his fingers, before rubbing its face against him, leaning into his hand as he carefully scratched its chin.

the person behind the counter leaned forward, watching him and the cat as they gave some of the cats a treat, "that's miss sweets. she's older than most of the cats here."

"did you name all of them?" satan asked━ he's being quite talkative, perhaps it's the cats. he does love cats, far more than he likes books (and this bookstore has both).

"i did!" they answered proudly.

satan nodded, humming as the old cat moved closer to him, almost leaning into him completely.

"usually people complain about having all these stray cats in my bookstore." they tilted their head, humming as they moved around the counter to stand in front of the demon and cat. many cats followed them, calling up to them while also joining miss sweets in requesting attention from the avatar of wrath, much to satan's delight.

"what's your name?"

satan paused, looking up at them. he hesitated, "satan."

they hummed, tilting their head at the cats crowding around the two, "well, satan, the cats really like you." they held out their hand and smiled, "i'm [name]! nice to meet you!"

"you too?" satan said, although his words sounded more like a question as he stopped petting one of the cats to return their handshake. they didn't seem to mind, smiling at him and firmly shaking his hand.

satan returned his hand to his side as they stood, turning away to return behind the counter. satan continued to kneel in front of the cats and miss sweets, who had laid herself across the floor, letting satan run his fingers through her short, old fur. unfortunately, miss sweets was startled when his d.d.d went off, leading to her jolting away from his hand and standing to her feet. satan frowned, standing back to his feet and pulling out his d.d.d.

hey, satan! i just finished. you ready to go?

i'll be there soon.

satan sighed, tucking his d.d.d back into his pocket after replying to mc. he was getting quite fond of miss sweets and the other cats.

"are you leaving?" they asked, looking up from behind the counter and away from thief.

satan nodded, "yes."

they smiled, "that's too bad, miss sweets seemed to really like you."

"you think so?" satan perked up, and they chuckled, nodding.

"feel free to come by any time. i'm sure miss sweets would like that." they gestured toward the old cat watching him from next to his feet, having returned to him despite his d.d.d startling her.

satan smiled, kneeling down for a moment to scratch miss sweets ears, before he stood again, nodding at [name]. "i think i will. perhaps i'll even pick up a book." he said that last part mostly to himself. they nodded in return, waving him goodbye as he turned away to leave.

he thinks he's found his new favorite spot.

satan has found his new favorite spot.

it was only a small bookstore, but your love for cats was in rivalry to his own and allowed them to walk into the store whenever they wanted. it was the cats that made him enjoy the presence of books even more.

he's been coming to the bookstore for quite some time. at first, it was during the times mc would take him up to the human world, and he'd always find himself in front of the bookstore where the stray cats frequented. you always greeted him kindly, welcoming him back, as did miss sweets, who seemed to like him quite a bit. but then, he started to visit the human world without the exchange student. he had come to enjoy his visits more than he already did. that had to do with how he found himself another reason to visit other than miss sweets and the other strays; you.

you were quite happy to make conversation with him, even when he first started visiting and wasn't very talkative. but he did start returning conversation with conversation, and that led to new things being learned about each other. you not only shared his love for cats, but also his like for reading (of course, he should've expected that, you did manage the bookstore).

"satan!" you greeted, smiling at the demon as he entered the bookstore. there was a stack of books in your arms as you exited one of the isles. "welcome back!"

a soft smile made its way onto his face, and the warm feeling that rolled up his neck did not go unnoticed by satan as you smiled at him, "hello, [name]."

satan has read many romance books ━ a prince who falls in love with a commoner, childhood friends realizing they've always loved each other, or enemies who realize their hate for one another had developed into romance. or even the simple romance; strangers to friends to lovers ━ there was nothing special about either of them and yet they found friendship and eventually love in someone they didn't know at the start.

although he preferred books of difference to romance, he found himself reading more and more romance the longer he'd spent at your bookstore. and the more this carried on, the more you filled his thoughts, even during the days he'd find himself sitting silently in his room, breathing heavy after another fight with lucifer ━ you, were always on his mind. so, he turned to the books that spoke of his situation; the warmth on his face, the heavy feeling in his chest, the everyday thought about you. but he knew he couldn't rely on the words of a work of fiction, but what else could he turn to?

mc was the one to answer his questions, noticing the way their friend had become quite occupied with his thoughts and the human world. they asked him, and satan hesitated; but he trusted his good friend, and they were human, perhaps they could help.

"what?" satan asked as he finally finished his explanation of what he had been feeling; and his rather eager visits to a certain human managing a bookstore. mc was smiling kindly at him, sincere and gentle as they shook their head and sighed. "what is it?"

mc stood from the chair they had sat in when they came to see him in his room, moving to sit beside satan on his bed. "satan, i think this person..." they trailed, lips pursing for a moment in thought, before placing a hand on his shoulder carefully and continuing, "i think you might have feelings for them. romantic feelings."

of course, satan didn't want to believe it. he was the avatar of wrath. even his brothers treaded carefully, in order to not anger the demon lest they wanted to be at the end of his sin. although he tried to separate himself from the sin he was only projected as; finding comfort in the words on pages; it was difficult. mc tried to tell him, as someone he trusted, that he wasn't just his sin, just like his brothers weren't either. but he found it difficult to believe, just like his brothers who were always careful of his anger.

could he really love someone? much less a human who remains unaware of who and how he really is?

"take your time to think about it." mc had gently suggested, careful with their words so as to not force the demon into a state of overthinking that would only lead to frustration. they squeezed his shoulder in a way of comfort, before standing, deciding that maybe it was best to leave him alone to think.

they smiled, "if you need me at all just come find me, okay?" he didn't reply, but they knew he heard them by the almost unnoticeable nod he gave. mc stood in front of him for a moment, before turning away and walking carefully through the mountains of books, and towards the door. they stopped with their hand on the doorknob, and turned back to him, "it'll be okay, satan. you can care for someone like them." and then mc was out the door, leaving the embodiment of wrath to his thoughts.

satan was wrath, he was a demon, a being to be feared for his easily flicked switch of anger. but he was also someone who enjoyed books and loved cats. he was rational, and he knew that a part of him, deep down, really did believe mc. he could love someone, he wasn't just his anger. but he was still his sin, anger was a dangerous thing, especially to a demon who embodied it, especially to a human who could crumble so easily because of him.

but you, you were kind. you took care of the cats that had found a home in you after living on the streets. you used your money to buy foods and treats when you didn't have to. you enjoyed the books that lined the shelves of the bookstore you managed. and you always greeted him with a smile, always seeming so happy to see him, even if he had been there just the day before.

and when satan found himself frustrated as he visited the human world, nails sharp as they dug into his palms and shoulders tense, you noticed. you were a human, you didn't who he was, you didn't know how dangerous his anger could be, yet you noticed, always with a gentle smile and no words. you didn't try to calm him down; you just mentioned a book you thought he'd like and went into a tiny rant about a new cat on the street, uncaring if he replied to you or not.

"she's still warming up to me, but yesterday she joined miss sweets in the store and ate some of the food i left out." you explained, a proud smile on your face. the familiar tabby cat joined you on the counter, yet you remained unbothered as he nipped at your fingers for lack of attention. you chuckled, lifting your hand to scratch the top of theif's head. "i'm sure she'll feel safe here soon. i hope she does. she deserves to be loved."

satan didn't reply, but he tried to refrain from gripping the book in his hands too tightly, staring at you past the pages. neither of you noticed the way his face softened as he stared at you, content in scratching the feline troublemaker curled up under your hand. and you remained unaware of the feeling that shocked his chest and dipped under his skin. it was almost painful as he used one of his hands to grip the sweater he wore, eyes the slightest bit wide.

he really did love you, he realized. he loved someone who didn't know of the sin that categorized him. he loved a human who made him feel something other than the anger that was always there, lurking not-so-silently in his chest.

he loved you, and maybe one day he'd accept it enough to tell you. after all, he believed the best part of every romance book was the confession.

satan! this is probably one of my prouder works in the series so far :) writing for him might be a new favorite thing of mine <3 especially the (minor) angst that lingered at the end there hehe

do not repost, translate, copy or run my writing through an ai

[ohnococo]

Here With You | Ijichi x Reader

With work running your lives, it’s been far too long since you’ve had time with your boyfriend. With a free evening finally here, you two have plans together. Plans you won’t quite get to.

❥ WC: 1.9k

❥ Notes: a request for Ijichi + Body Worship for @marikuchanxo I hope you enjoy! 🥰

❥ Warnings: fem bodied reader (no pronouns used), established relationship, kissing, quickies, oral sex/fingering (reader receiving), vaginal sex, creampie

You and Ijichi have spent most of your relationship working around your schedules because, well, you have to. It’s just how things have always been in your busy lives; schedules don’t align, free time becomes scant, and with Ijichi being quite the problem solver, it only took one instance of mismatched expectations before he made sure the two of you set up a nice compromise. From then on, when life got in the way you knew that even if you can’t sit and enjoy meals together or take your walks together or enjoy your evenings, the two of you could still chat over the phone. Sure, it may take a while to get a response, but it’s better than nothing.

The best part of that compromise had come about quite naturally, when the two of you had taken to daydreaming of plans, knowing that things will work out eventually, and you’ll enact them then. So that’s what you did, planting seeds to help grow when the elements agreed to such a thing, and enjoying knowing time together would mean that much more in the meantime.

This time was no different—little hastily sent texts reading “I miss you”, links to new menus at your favourite restaurants, an interesting show one of your coworkers spoke about that you planned to cuddle and watch together once work stopped stealing all of your days. Then the time finally approaches. You’re already home, and Ijichi isn’t far behind, waiting on a few students he needs to drop off after an assignment and then he’ll be right home. You solidify your plans via text as you wait in your respective spots: Ijichi in his car, and you curled up on the couch of your shared apartment.

are you sure just two episodes is fine for tonight?

ofc Kiyo! I miss you but we have to sleep too lol

you’re right 🥺

lemme know when you’re on your way back and I’ll order food 😘

ok, that should be perfect timing

The time between the final confirmation of tonight’s plans and Ijichi texting you that he’s on his way passes just as slowly as the rest of your time apart, but you both finally have something on the horizon other than work and that keeps you going.

You’ve only just gotten your food delivered and sat the containers on the counter when you hear Ijichi’s key pushing into the lock on the front door with a familiar set of clicks. You make your way there to greet him, smile wide with excitement for your night ahead when he finally comes into view and shuts the door behind him. He sets his keys on the little table next to the door and hasn’t even removed his suit jacket before you’re approaching him happily.

“Hi, Kiyo!”

He sighs happily, head tilting as he looks at you with a twinkle in his eye, like just seeing your face was the salve to heal all the wounds he’d received just from being apart so long. “Hi, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

“No, the food only just got here.” You move to hug him, and for as tightly as you squeeze, he squeezes that much tighter. You let him, enjoying the proximity, the familiar smell of him, before a question comes to you and you pull back.

“Oh, do you want to eat at the table? Or while we watch tv?”

“Um…“ he looks towards the kitchen, then back at you, chewing his bottom lip as he thinks. He takes a moment much longer than you’d have thought such a question would require, and you step back from his embrace a little further to take in his expression.

There’s a strange look in Ijichi’s eye, less like the calm happiness that he usually has on your nights together. Something much more reminiscent of the eager honeymoon phase of the beginning of your relationship—like he doesn’t know what to say, like he might just mess everything up if he figures that out and makes those thoughts known.

“Kiyotaka? Are you okay?”

“I’m just… it’s good to…” He shakes his head, like he’s trying to wave his thoughts away, but it’s to no avail. He takes off his glasses and tosses them haphazardly onto the counter next to his keys, and pulls you into a kiss. It almost makes you laugh, how eager he is, and how hesitant he’d seemed before. As if you’d ever deny him affection. But then he’s holding your face in both hands and pressing his body to yours and he’s hard.

It’s not like Ijichi to cut straight to the chase like this, bypassing all words and formalities in search of every part of you he could possibly get his hands on—but once he’d had you he’d never gone so long without.

It surprises even him, as he pulls his mouth back to speak, to explain, but all that comes out is a shaky breath before his lips are drawn back to yours. There was even less hope for him to pull his hands away from you, firmly grasping your face to keep you held close so he can use where your mouths meet as the spine for where the pages of your limbs are bound together. His thin leg is slotted between your thighs, pressing at you with the same urgency with which he grinds his clothed hardness against you.

His hands search for your hips, but can’t part long enough so his fingertips graze along your neck, taking in every muscle, feeling your hitching breaths from where they form below your clavicle. He squeezes at your sides for a moment before he’s wrapping his arms around your waist, feeling every inch of your body as if all of it needed to be refreshed in his mind from your absence. Each new area his hands explore elicits another noise from him; sighs, groans, whines, all from his mouth to yours as the prospect of parting your lips is not one he’ll entertain now that he’s captured them.

His hands make their way to the hem of your top, working beneath it to tickle at your heated skin, running his palms across your stomach until he’s pulling your shirt upwards. He falls to his knees, lips parting from yours and you can only just catch a frenzied breath of ”Missed you-“ before he kisses at your stomach. He presses his face to you there, indulging in the softness and warmth, licking and sucking at the skin and leaving marks he normally would not.

“Kiyo, what about you?”

He looks up at you, swollen lips still kissing at your skin, as if only your voice could remind him there might be something to focus on other than you, the feel of you, the smell of you, the taste of you.

Ijichi pulls the bottom of his shirt loose from where it had been tucked into his trousers, but a few buttons is all he can manage to undo before he has to return his hands to your body and it’s like the previous diversion has never happened as he squeezes at your hips before sliding his fingers beneath the waistband of your pants.

He’s even more firm in his goal now, his usual hesitation cast aside and replaced with desperation as he pulls the remainder of your clothes down, mouth latching to the wetness awaiting him before he’s even gotten your panties past your knees. The first taste has him groaning into you, eyes half opened but focused on nothing, pale face long ago turned bright red and now beautifully displayed before you in stark contrast to the soft hair between your legs. He buries his nose there, nudging at your clit as he laps at your wetness, sucking and licking and only coming up for air when his fingers are finally drawn to delve past your folds in place of his writhing tongue—much too short to reach the spots he knew by now that you needed.

His fingers work feverishly, mouth open and moaning as his tongue toys with your clit, and his other hand grips and squeezes at your thigh. It’s only so long before even that isn’t enough as he slides his hand down your thigh to glide along your calf, shoving your clothes down further until you’re trying your best to kick them off without interrupting him from his desperate need to taste you. You pull your shirt over your head, tossing it down to join everything else as you run your fingers through his hair, rocking against his face gently and clenching at his fingers when the action makes him whine against you.

Your fingers trace along his scalp, moaning out his name, and it breaks something in him. His fingers slide out of you suddenly, as his hands work desperately to undo his trousers and shove them down, before he’s pulling you onto his lap. There’s a passing inclination to move yourselves elsewhere: the couch, the rug, the comfort of your bed. You worry for his knees on the hardwood floors, worry that he’ll be uncomfortable, but with the way that his trembling hands try to line himself up with your entrance, whine emanating from his throat at just having his tip in the briefest contact with you, you don’t think he could handle the wait of a few steps travel.

So you help guide him to you properly, and the way his eyes lock on yours, flustered and appreciative and out of his mind to be inside of you, helps you take him all without hesitation.

“Th-thank you…”

Here he is, thanking you, when he’s the one loving you, caring for you, worshipping you wordlessly because he doesn’t have the heart to do anything less than show you just how much he’s needed you. You cling to his shoulders as you rock into his movements, freeing his hands to go back to their desperate groping of your body, finally resting around your waist and pulling you flush to him.

His whines are stifled as he draws one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking gently as he looks up at you in a daze, brows twitching with every moan you let loose, matching your expressions as every step you take to your end tugs him right along with you. The way he thrusts up into you is sloppy, desperate, and when your pleasure reaches a frenzy and you begin clenching around him, he releases your breast, only able to indicate that he wants you to kiss him by looking up at you, a pleading look just breaking through the adoration plastered all over his face as he sticks his tongue out gently.

Your mouth meets his, just as desperately as your hips, and it’s the final straw to your undoing. Your orgasm is blinding as you both cling to each other with a desperation you had not felt since the very beginning of your relationship, it borders on too much, but as Ijichi begins to spill inside of you, it’s as if it will never be enough as you ride out the last of your orgasm until your boyfriend is panting beneath you.

This time, as you hold each other on the floor of your shared apartment, neither of you sees any reason to let go; cooling food and sore knees be damned, because all that matters is you’re back together, for now.

banners by @//cafekitsune

[my-my-my]

Happy Halloween! And 3rd anniversary to my Aizen x Reader Halloween fic! I originally planned to reblog the fic today, but to my surprise, I never posted it on tumblr, I only provided the AO3 link to it. So voila, here is the fic for tumblr viewing.

Chapter 2 can be found here (which I did post on tumblr?? I genuinely don't know what I was thinking not posting the first chapter here lol).

Summary: [Modern AU, Halloween theme] Being a grad student is hard, dating is even harder. You weren't even sure if Aizen's your boyfriend, but you want him to come to this Halloween party. Too bad he's "busy".

TW: Aizen's a bit of a creep. Chapter 2 features stalking, spanking, costume sex.

Word count: 1773.

Read on AO3 here.

Halloween was fast approaching on campus. Midterm exams and assignments were done with, a small reprieve for you and your fellow classmates. For now, you and your cohort could focus on your theses without distraction, and have a few Halloween parties here and there – and lucky for all of you, Halloween fell on a Saturday.

Your friend, Midori had found out from a group of older PhD students that a Halloween party was happening on an old estate just on the outskirts of the city. The two of you didn’t know if it was an abandoned estate or not, but the two of you, and a few of your friends, Akon, Yamada Hanataro and Kuchiki Rukia, decided to attend.

The five of you talked eagerly about costume plans in your graduate student lounge. Would all of you go as a group costume? “Maybe we could be the Karakura Superheroes? That’d be fun!” Rukia suggested, her eyes wide with awe.

“Ugh no, let’s not. I’m not too into the thought of wearing spandex with the amount of drinking and candy eating we’ll be doing” Midori said.

“Hey, did you ask Ai-“ Midori turned to you, but you cut her off, not wanting to answer the question.

“That’s a good point. Maybe we should just go as separate costumes.” You pondered, and secretly wished for. You had an idea of what you wanted to wear and had already purchased some details to compliment your costume.

“Yeah, that’ll save us time, we can’t keep hashing out ideas like this. Before you know it, Saturday’s here and we’ll have no costumes. I don’t think they’ll let us in without one.” Akon drawled out, scrolling through his phone, not noticing Midori’s unanswered question.

“And money’s been tight for me too,” Hanataro sheepishly said, “I was hoping to wear my costume from last year” he nervously laughed.

“Chappy?!” Rukia shouted, slamming her hands on the table.

“y-yeah! Chappy. Can’t go wrong with ol’ faithful” Hanataro continued on with his nervous laughter, knowing how much Rukia adored Chappy in any iteration. Before Rukia could start her confession on how much she loved Chappy, you bid your friends goodbye and further questions from Midori. Your phone chimed with the alarm that it was time to head to your tutorial, which was on the other side of campus.

Walking your way to your tutorial building, you mulled over what Midori was about to ask,

“Hey did you ask Aizen-san to come?”

You weren’t even sure how to answer that. You only went on three dates (that you were counting), with sparse texts here and there. You weren’t even sure if he was interested in you, he was just so busy. Everyone spoke so highly of him, his CV was impressive, and of course he had a few student admirers too.

It amazed you that he asked you out. He was a psychiatrist who went back to academia and was working towards his PhD, as if his MD wasn’t enough. The two of you had a few classes here and there, and you were certain a man of his caliber, at his age, was married, but he wasn’t.

Everything about him confused you, and the few moments you had with him, left you wanting to know more. But that was enough about Aizen for now, as the undergrads lined up waiting to have their statistics questions answered.

The hour and a half tutorial went by surprisingly fast. Your students slowly trickled out of the classroom, some staying behind to ask you a few more questions. Professor Senjumaru Shutara made an emphasis that Teaching Assistants would stay long until the last student left, unless the TA had to leave for their own classes. So you patiently answered the remaining students until you were alone.

As you packed away your things, you checked your phone for any notifications. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw a text from Aizen.

“Are you free in half an hour? Let’s grab coffee at the Yazawa Café? My treat.”

You couldn’t help by smile, and typed up your response, “I just finished my tutorial, I’ll see you soon” ending your text with a smiley face.

The warm smells of freshly brewed coffee and tea wafted in the air as you entered the Yazawa Café. The place was quieting down, but there were still some people that added to the ambiance of the café. You spotted Aizen in a secluded corner with some plants, as if he didn’t want to be found. He leaned back in his seat, with his glasses resting on the table, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, deep in thought.

“Sousuke-san, I hope you weren’t waiting long” you murmured, watching him slowly open his eyes. They held such intensity that it startled you. You realized his glasses softened his intense gaze.

He quickly placed his glasses, his eyes appearing soft again as he ruffled his hair. “I wasn’t waiting at all. I just got here as well.” He smiled, sitting up from his seat as the two of you walked towards the counter.

“What do you think you’ll get, Sousuke-san?” You asked politely, inspecting the menu. The coffee menu was fairly standard you thought, but the teas piqued your interest as you saw a variety of blends available. Unconsciously you bit your lip as you looked at the chocolate strawberry cake as well.

“Have you made a decision?” Aizen asked as the Barista called the both of you forward.

“Oh yes, I’d like to try the betsujyo sencha blend.”

Aizen gave you a gentle smile, “Have you had it before? It’s a pleasantly refreshing tea.” He explained.

“No I haven’t, but it sounds like you have. If it’s Sousuke-san approved, then it’s good enough for me.” You smiled brightly.

He chuckled and told the Barista his order, “and I’ll have the kabusecha and a slice of chocolate strawberry cake”. As soon as Aizen paid, the Barista handed an elegant white plate with a slice of cake to Aizen. “Oh no” he explained, “this is for her” he motioned towards you, handing you the plate.

“Me? But I didn’t –”

Aizen chuckled, “you were looking at the cake intensely, and you’re probably hungry after your tutorial”. You couldn’t help but blush at how well he could read you so instantly, it was a bit unnerving sometimes. It was unfair in a way, you thought, how he could pick up little bits about you and guess correctly, while he remained a mystery.

“Thank you, but you’re having some of this too! May I please have an extra fork?” You asked the Barista. Once the two of you had your teas, you made your way back to your secluded corner.

“Thank you again for paying for drinks and the cake, Sousuke-san.” You murmured, taking a small sip of your tea.

“It’s not a problem. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you.” Aizen said softly, “how have your classes been going this term? I’m surprised I don’t have at least one with you.”

You laughed and relaxed back in your chair, stretching your arms out. You talked about how you only had one class this semester, and you were hoping to finish your thesis by the end of next term. You always felt at ease speaking with Aizen. He was an attentive listener and you felt like the two of you could talk about anything and everything under the sun.

Unaware of the time, you quickly checked your phone. You were startled, the two of you spending almost three hours chatting.

“Oh Sousuke-san, I have to leave…” you hesitated, not wanting to leave his side yet. “If you don’t have plans, would you like to come over to my place for dinner? I owe you for the tea and cake!” You explained, becoming flustered, but staring directly at him.

Aizen looked surprised, but gave you a soft smile, “I’d like that. Well then, lead the way.” The two of you left the café, with you filled with excitement and joy knowing you were spending more time with him.

You weren’t sure how dinner ended up with the two of you on your couch, kissing passionately. Both your cheeks were rosy, lips slightly sore from the intensity, and you became acutely aware of how strong Aizen’s grip was on your hips.

A hand left your hip as Aizen gripped your head again as you steadied your gaze on him. His eyes were sharp, almost as if he was inspecting you with great care. Cheeks lightly dusted with pink, lips turned in a smirk as he pressed your lips against his once again. You sighed into him as you felt his tongue enter your mouth.

Butterflies danced in your stomach as you pushed him away. You tried to steady yourself again to regain your breaths. Aizen relaxed his grip as he nuzzled your neck, kissing along it. Although you felt content in his arms, it was time for him to go. You had an early meeting with your supervisor.

“What’s on your mind?” Aizen asked, as he gazed back at you.

But you didn’t want the night to end. You didn’t know when you would see him again. Sighing, you took a deep breath, “I have a meeting tomorrow morning, so I have to sleep soon,” you murmured, avoiding his gaze and staring at the collar of his shirt. “When can I see you again?”

Aizen leaned back into your couch, pulling you into his chest as he stroked your hair. The lull of his heartbeat putting you at ease. You could feel sleep calling to you, with Aizen’s hypnotic voice not helping the matter.

“Unfortunately not for a while.”

“Are you free Halloween evening at least?” You asked, “there’s a party my friends and I are going to – some of the other PhD students planned it, I’d love it if you came with me.” You pulled out your phone and showed him the silly graphic with the party details. Aizen looked intently in the screening – a part of you wondered if he was remembering the details.

Aizen gave you a sad smile, “unfortunately I’m doing a rotation that night” he explained. Disappointment washed over your face, which Aizen chuckled lightly at, “but send me a photo of your costume, I’d love to know what you’re going as.” Kissing you lightly on your forehead.

Another sigh escaped your lips, “alright”.

You bid him goodnight, but not without another kiss. As you saw Aizen walk off into the distance, you felt the familiar, yet sad ache in your heart.

Chapter 2

Happy Halloween!

[jalenay]

Nothing's Wrong with Dale - Publishing Update May 4 2024

So my work work is starting to relax - it'll be 'normal' working hours after May 15, but i'm manifesting some early additional free time (by ignoring some of the things i still have left to do) and i thought i'd give an update on my current NWWD plan to fill you guys in (if anyone wants to know) and to motivate myself to, you know, do it.

let me know what you think and if you have any questions! or if there's anything else you want to know!

So the overall plan is as follows:

First Rough Edit - this is basically just changing the POV from 2nd POV to 3rd POV. This is very tedious and currently what I'm doing right now. I'm also making a list as I go for high level updates/changes i want to make. Just thinking about the story as a whole and what tweaks i want to make now that the whole thing is finally done (primarily moving exposition around, if there's anything extra i can remove, timing of when certain things are discussed, and so on).

My Main Edit - this will be more time consuming but probably more fun as i do my main revise and edit of the story as a whole. i'll likely print the entire story out, make edits on hard copy, and then type up all the edits. I will also probably be sending the updated chapters to my main beta, for her opinion. (this would be the person i first texted about Dale in Dec 2021, she deserves first look lol)

Editor - After I'm happy with what I've done, i'll send the entire thing over to my editors, the main ones who worked on DSM. This will likely take a good amount of time (DSM took one month) but in many ways involves less effort from me lol. Just nerves.

Cover, Self-publishing Details - while my editors have the manuscript, I'll be narrowing down what I want the cover to look like and hiring a cover artist. (i've got a short list of artists right now, but i'll probably continue to refine that). I'm bad a visualizing covers and so this will be hard for me, although i have some basic ideas. i'll need to gather reference photos too and then work with the artist. I also want to publish more widely than just Amazon and will hopefully get DSM out to other places as well as a test run before NWWD. Look into more marketing? This is the most miscellaneous of the steps.

Process Edits - actually go through all the edits and notes given to me by my editor. This takes a lot of time (and is mentally taxing - no one likes to read pages of people telling you what you need to fix about what you wrote even if its overall extremely helpful and necessary)

Finalizing - I'll send the edited version to my first beta and another ARC reader/friend. I'll work on the formatting for the book. Coordinating where it will be published and when.

Publishing!

This is a loose list of steps that I mostly defined right now, but are similar to what i did with DSM. As i said, I'm in step one, currently just finished Chapter 25 of 36 of that rough edit.

I'll try to provide some updates on the process at it moves along, if people are interested in hearing about that. I'll most likely keep those updates on this blog, along with any other publishing specific commentary. if any one has any questions or thoughts on the whole thing, please feel free to send them to this blog or comment on this post.

I'm very excited to really dig into publishing NWWD and looking forward to sharing it with you!

Thanks to everyone for all their support - I wouldn't even be considering this (i probably wouldn't have even had a finished draft) with you!

[gothgleek]

Spiderman!Spencer x Seamstress!Fem!Reader

Spencer finds out he’s got super powers and he’s got the brain, powers, and abilities to become a superhero. Now all he needs is a costume. That’s where you come in.

Outline for a Spiderman!Spencer fic I’m writing based this post by @reidcoffeemoon. Let me know if anyone would actually be interested in reading a full version of it. Also please like and reblog, it’s my birthday today💕💕💕

•The two of you met at a Halloween party thrown by Penelope. You are a seamstress and whenever someone complimented your costume, you would proudly ramble about of the type of fabric you used.

•Spencer was the only one who actually listened and responded with his own facts about the fabric’s history.

•You gasped and smiled, raising your left hand to your chest. “You are my new favorite person.” You declared.

•While talking, you both found out you’re from Vegas. You worked as a seamstress for a burlesque show off the strip and did cosplay part time while he was off at learning Caltech. The two of you bond over a restaurant that shut down five years ago.

•Now in DC, you worked as a seamstress for the local theater and managed a thrift store by the university he works at. Cosplay makes up most of your income but you dream of creating a lingerie line.

•The two of you agree to meet up for coffee but before that happens, Spencer gets bitten by a spider.

• Was he was bitten by a spider while investigating an unsub who killed his victims spider venoms or did he wander into the wrong room while touring a science facility?

•Derek convinces him to try out being a superhero. Derek is part of a secret superhero group (The Avengers) and would like his friend to join (once he knows Spencer can handle superhero work).

•Spencer calls you a few weeks later. “Hey, um, I wanted your opinion on something. What kind of materials do you recommend for a sort of… workout costume?”

•Thankfully, you’ve been asked weirder questions throughout your career so it didn’t even phase you.

•You respond in a rambling style that would’ve confused other people, but not Spencer.

•”They’ve actually done some test work on using spider webs for body armor but the tests didn’t yield the best results but I think…”

•He listened to you talk while he designed a web slinging contraption for his wrists, occasionally throwing in a comment or two.

•He visits your thrift store a few days later to discuss his little project a little more.

•When it becomes apparent his skills aren’t as advanced as yours, you offer your services and schedule him to come to your place over the weekend.

•It’s purely friendly… but you can’t help but if some less than platonic thoughts come up while looking at certain measurements.

•Those less than platonic feelings did make you blind to some of his questions.

But if anyone asked you would say you’ve had weirder requests.

•“Would it be possible to make it bullet proof? And um… do you know how to make the fingers more um… thin but not thin?”

•The two of you kept meeting up to discuss his costume and sometimes even other things.

You never met anyone who made Russian lit or etymology sound so exciting before.

•But all things come to an end and once his costume is done you don’t see him for another few weeks. It sucks but life goes on.

You ignore the hurt in your stomach when he doesn’t respond to your text about asking about the foreign film fest at the local theater.

•Then, one night after work, you find yourself being on the wrong end of a gun by a mugger.

•Before you can handover your wallet however, a dark figure jumps down and when you open your eyes, the mugger is stuck to the wall with a sort of strange white substance.

•The figure pulls you to the top of the roof and you can finally get a good look at him.

•Spandex that shined in the same weaving pattern as the combination of rayon and viscose? Hands that were 7.49 inches long and 3.60 inches wide? The mask you spent the last two weeks creating?

•You squinted at him.

•“Spencer?!?”

•One long conversation in Spencer’s apartment later, and you’re telling him to come back so you can modify his suit to actually be made for crime fighting.

[elli3luvs]

falling in love at a coffee shop pt. 2 [ELLIE W]

summary: you used to hate coffee but now it wasn't so bad

genre: fluff

wc: 2k

a/n: i rewrote a couple of things, nothing major, but i was re-reading it and it just didn't flow as well so that's why i took it down. thank you guys for being so patient !

part one

The phone sitting in front of your face was taunting you. Its bright screen glared into your eyes. You had the contacts app pulled up with your cup in hand. All you needed to do was put the number in your contacts and send a short message to the barista. It really isn't that difficult but the barista made you so nervous.

Ellie.

The name made the end of your lips curl into a small smile. It was a pretty name. Simple but pretty. Just like her. You thought of the way her hands flexed while she made the orders. Her hair seemed to spill out of its low bun, framing her face with loose pieces. Your thoughts trailed back to the way her hands looked while she poured the concoctions together. 

Shaking your head, you grab your phone again. You put the number in your contacts and put the phone face down on your desk. Step one is completed.

"Have you done it yet?" Dina walks into your room with a bag of chips. You give her a grunt to acknowledge her question. You hear her rustling around behind you.

"I just have to text her now," You fully turn toward your friend who was now sitting on your bed, "What do I say? I don't want to make it weird."

She shakes her head, putting the bag of chips beside her, "It won't be weird! Just be casual about it." Her legs cross as she gets more comfortable. She always treated your room like it was hers. You didn't mind, though.

Hey! This is the girl from the coffee shop. The coffee was great!

"Now I just need to send it," You whisper to yourself, finger hovering over the send button, "Why is this so hard?"

Your finger hovers over the send button. Your bottom lip is in between your teeth as your heart begins to pound against your ribcage. You wonder if that was normal or not.

You don't hear Dina sliding off the bed, sneaking up behind you until her finger hits the send button. You squeak out of pure terror at this, turning toward her. Your phone falls onto the desk in front of you.

She is doubled over laughing at your reaction. Her hands are on her knees while tears squeeze at the corners of her eyes.

"Holy shit," She grumbles, "You should've seen your face!" 

You clamber to grab the phone again. You look back at the message reading over it to make sure it was all spelled correctly. It looked alright. But it could've had a little more substance to it. Was it too dry? Was Ellie going to think that it was a weird first message? You groan loudly, slinking back in your chair.

"Dina," You elongate the 'a' in her name, "I wanted to read over it a couple more times! What if she thinks I'm not interested or something? It's such a dry message!"

She pats your shoulder, "I think she knows, my friend. Why else would she give you coffee for free?"

"That's just jumping to conclus-" Your sentence is cut off by the chiming of your phone. Dina's eyes shoot wide at the sound. Your mouth hangs open in shock. You cannot believe she was so quick. Neither can Dina apparently. The two of you sit there in complete silence for a moment before she scrambles to read the message.

Her eyes read over the message a couple of times. She squeals, looking at you with eagerness you've never seen before, "Oh man! This is golden."

You feel your stomach flipping, "What does it say? I don't think I can read it. No, I definitely cant read it." 

She does the honor of reading the message, "Hey, pretty girl, Thanks for texting me. I will see you around?" Dina's voice is a fake deep sultry sound while she reads.

You put your hands over your face, "No fucking way. She called me a pretty girl."

Dina's voice goes back to normal, "Yes fucking way! She thinks you're pretty," She sings in an opera-like voice causing you to giggle, "I'm going to text back. Is that fine with you?" You don't have any energy to protest. The feeling of being called a pretty girl overtakes your mind and body. 

Is this what love felt like? No, it was too early. Infatuation? That's more likely. It was a great feeling, no matter what. Thinking of Ellie reading your message brought a smile to your face. You wondered if she got butterflies when your message popped on her screen. You hoped you elicited that sort of reaction from her.

"Okay," Dina's voice snapped you out of your trance, "I told her you would come by later to pick us up some coffee."

You shoot out of your seat, "What?!" 

Dina shrugs, "I'm kinda in love with the coffee, you are kinda in love with the barista. Just makes sense."

She wasn't wrong. It kinda made you ill how much she knew you.

--

The weather was beginning to change slowly around you. Gone were the days of warm weather. You were going to miss the sun beaming down at you while you walked to class. It was transforming into fall at a rapid pace. The leaves fell in a flurry all around you while the wind whipped at your face, leaving it red. Fall always made you melancholy. You hated leaving the warm, carefree weather behind to enter cold and gloomy. Just around the corner was even harsher climate. Your shoulders dropped at the thought of Winter making it's yearly appearance.

The coffee shop was now in your line of sight. The lights in the window twinkled, welcoming you in. There was a sign sitting out front detailing the hours and what sort of special drinks they had. It looked like Ellie's handwriting. It was a sad attempt at bubble letters. The lettering had you snickering while a warm feeling spread through your chest at the thought of her.

You grasped your backpack straps harder as you approached the door. You tried to see if she was in the back making drinks but a couple of plants were blocking your vision. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves before pushing into the coffee shop.

She was steaming milk when you walked in. The cashier greeted you to which you smiled at him before going back to looking at her. She was so pretty. Her hands worked in fast movements, crafting a drink for the other patron in the store. When you took a couple more steps into the shop, she finally looked up at you. A blush crept on her face as she gave you a smile. You were glad she acknowledged you.

"What can I get for you today?" The guy at the register snapped you out of your daze.

You stutter, "Oh, uh, Can I get, uh-"

"You want your regular?" She speaks up from where she was making drinks.

You nod at her, not able to form the words. It was like she had you under hypnosis. Just the mere sound of her voice made your brain lock up, unable to form a sentence.

She makes her way to the cash register, gently pushing the guy out of the way, and taps on the screen in front of her. The register dings signaling the order was put in the system.

"I'll get it ready for you." Her voice was smooth as she nonchalantly walked back to her area. The guy smiled awkwardly, motioning for you to walk to the pick-up area.

You sigh, faking exasperation, "You know," Your voice catches her attention, "I'm going to have to pay you back this time." She scoffs at your remark, a smirk gracing her lips. 

She shakes her head, "There's no way in hell I'm letting you pay." Her hands work fast on your drink. You wish she would slow down. All you want to do is stare at her for longer than you usually get to. You couldn't help but look at the tattoo on her forearm flexing as she reached around the counter.

"The store is going to go bankrupt because of me," You see her roll her eyes at your dramatic statement, "Next time, let me pay."

"I'm the owner," This genuinely shocks you. You thought she was just a worker, "I can do whatever I want."

"Ellie." You say in a warning tone. Her hands falter a little bit at you saying her name. She seems a little taken aback at the way her name sounded on your lips. But it doesn't take long for her to begin working again. 

"Ok," She resigns, "Next time, you will pay." She hands you two drinks. It was cute she knew Dina's order as well.

"Thank you for this." You hold both drinks up with a smile. She smiles back at you, eyes scrunching up. It was the cutest thing you have seen in a while.

She speaks up, stopping you from leaving the shop, "See you tomorrow?" Her hand came up to scratch at her neck.

Cute.

"Yeah," You were shocked at her words but went with it, "See you tomorrow!"

--

That's how the next week went. You would get up every morning, fix your hair, and do your makeup just so you could see the barista at your local coffee shop for no longer than 10 minutes. She would beam at you every single time you walked in. One day, she even complimented your earrings. That alone made it worth it.

It was a fight to pay, though.

You learned that Ellie was lying about letting you pay. She fought with you for five minutes the following day, thankfully, the cashier took your card when she turned around to grab hers. She looked at him as if he sacrificed a whole bloodline but he just shrugged at Ellie's dramatics. You learned his name was Jesse and that he had been working there as long as Ellie opened it. They had been friends for a while before she opened the shop too.

Dina commented that there was a spring in your step now. You just brushed her off but deep down you realized she was right. You felt freer. The leaves falling around you just reminded you of the beauty in life when it would make you a little sad before. You loved the way the wind hit your face. The chill of the air made you smile now.

This was just from seeing her briefly.

When you imagine going on proper dates with her or speaking to her for extended periods of time, your heart begins to beat faster against your chest. You wanted to see what she looked like when she was happy. You wanted to see her angry face or the way she looked when a movie she was watching made her well up.

You were falling for her hard.

When the text dinged on your phone you couldn't hide your cheesy smile from Dina, who has been as ecstatic as you throughout this entire journey.

"Do you want to come over and watch this cheesy 80s horror movie I found at the video store?" You read to Dina who flopped on her back, screaming into a pillow.

You couldn't help but thrash around in excitement with her.

She lifted her body back up, rigid with excitement, "What did you say? Tell me." She bites her bottom lip anticipating your answer.

You laugh, "Of course, I said yes!"

The two of you resume screaming at the situation. Even when someone pounded on the wall, yelling at you to 'shut the fuck up,' it didn't stop the two of you from giggling like school girls.

You could get used to this feeling.

next part

tag: @pinkazelma

[transmutationisms]

Hi caden i always scroll through your blog and whenever i leave i find myself questioning if you are the Scihub wizard. What's your range regulation on your topics of study (as in, how do you seek what catches your interest more thoroughly) and how do you sort out what qualifies articles on such as readable or relevant to engage with? Every time I search up stuff on jstor it just gives me the most stalest stuff ever. If you have any specific websites or tricks to recommend it would mean it all. Thank you

hm well... i guess the short answer would be that i do spend a lot of time reading things that i ultimately decide are stupid or irrelevant or redundant, lol. like, if i'm not actively writing i'm probably researching. so if i post, like, book recs, there's probably at least a few years of reading around and behind that... some of this work will eventually become useful or interesting to me (appendix my advisor made me cut and said was irrelevant in 2020 whose footnotes i raided today) and some of it will probably just live forever in some dusty corner of my mind (zotero folder on phonographic physiology that has only an extremely tangential connection to anything else i literally ever write on).

but in general, my approach is usually to read more, not less—i don't know what connections i might want to make if i never read on those topics, ykwim? i definitely get faster at finding things and sifting through sources the more familiar i am with a topic. but even so, i like to read widely, knowing full well that some (large) percentage of it will be useless to whatever i'm currently working on, lol. there's plenty in my library that i've never cited, or i only quoted a line or two, or i named it only to say it sucks. i think this is all fine and fun honestly. but, a few ways to narrow some of this down:

when you're looking for the seminal literature on a certain topic, you can shortcut some of the searching by picking up anything recent and just picking through the footnotes. (this is called 'snowballing' sometimes.) it's not a comprehensive strategy because you won't find newer or obscure texts—but it's a decent starting point

i work with historical sources, so often the way i find really interesting stuff is by searching the actual names i'm finding in the primary literature. these tend to be figures with a smaller footprint in the secondary literature, who often get overshadowed in more general topic searches, and i often end up reading about all kinds of weird niche topics i didn't even know to look for

some professional societies and journals maintain databases and bibliographies of recent publications; these are worth scanning from time to time. you can often find them by googling, like, "[field] bibliography / database" or sometimes you can find them thru journal websites (but these index more than just the journal's publications). usually free at least to see article titles/abstracts

you can also pick a couple flagship journals in your subtopic and just scan their recent issues from time to time; again article titles are generally free to view. don't rely exclusively on journals, but again, can be a good place to start

dissertations and theses are also good for footnotes, since part of the assignment is usually to show that you're familiar with the recent literature. you don't really want to rely on dissertations for actual citations if you don't have to (the qc is on average even lower than professional publishing... lol) but for reading recs, go for it