#I think Tamlin is treated unfairly

[littlefeltsparrow]

I think the way Sarah J Maas depicts Tamlin’s abusive traits are indicative of the simplistic understanding she has when it comes to depictions of abuse. Even when the text views Tamlin as irredeemable for his actions, it still strangely gives him an out by bringing magic into it. By having his magical outbursts be involuntary (and have little evidence to challenge that notion) she makes abuse seem like the accidental result of uncontrollable emotion as opposed to deliberate tactics of control.

This is why she can’t clock the irony of Rhysand presenting a compelling case of covert abuse, because she doesn’t have the imagination to consciously write an emotionally abusive or controlling dynamic.

[autumnshighlady]

pro ic or pro tamlin

anything but pro ic so i guess pro tamlin. im not a huge tamlin fan or anything, don’t love him don’t hate him, i just think he gets treated super unfairly

[stargirlfeyre]

“Thank you so much for this. Lucien is my favorite, I’m waiting for his book. I get that Feyre felt betrayed by him for not stepping in more, but he was trying. He really did try to steer Tamlin in the right direction, but he was walking a fine line between her and his best friend who was really the only family he had. The mistrust they treat him with in WaR and then Feyre’s ugliness toward him in ACoFaS really made me not like her. This poor guy can’t catch a break.”

“There are many reasons that Feyre is my least favorite character now, but my number one reason is the way she treats poor Lucien. That just sealed the deal for me in this run through. I would never expect for someone I knew for .2 seconds to sacrifice themselves for me after I murdered and skinned their friend, much less get MAD at them for not doing it. Ugh.”

“Omg YES I'm sorry but he experienced horrific trauma, had his friend murdered, risked everything to help Feyre UTM, was tortured for helping, and then was for whatever reason expected to put his life and world at risk to get her away from his best friend?? All for someone he BARELY knew. And now, his whole life is in shambles, he was taken away from the place he knew, and is treated like crap for what? Not sacrificing his life for some a girl he owed nothing to? I'm just over the Lucien mistreatment 😭😭 I wish I didn't reread this bc now I dislike Feyre and Rhys”

“I forgot about the Andras part but that makes it even worse!! He knew Feyre for like 2 seconds before UTM and he STILL tried to help her even tho she killed and skinned one of his friends. Rhys mentioned before how some of his questionable actions were for the sake of his court and people melt over it but for some reason, Lucien can’t do the same. Even when, in my opinion, he hasn’t done anything nearly as bad. It’s just ridiculous how people will absolutely love one character and hate the other when they’re all morally grey. I’m personally not a fan of Feyre or Rhys after SF but I can understand why they did most of the things they did but I will never forgive them for the way they treated and continue to treat Lucien”

“I definitely agree, I made a post a couple days ago about Tamlin because I think even he is treated unfairly by Feyre, Rhys and everyone in the IC. And if I were Lucien, I wouldn't betray the one person who saved my life and took me in for someone I barely knew, for someone who killed my friend and hated everything I was just a couple months ago. Not to mention, he did try to help at one point and got shut down by Tam immediately. Idk why he was expected to give up everything for somebody he wasn't even friends with, let's be real.”

Just a little taste of why I could give 0 fucks about Feycien..His whole fanbase is trash minus the few Tamlin and Feyre stan’s that still simp for him. This is a new post full of comments JUST like these ones. This is a daily thing for Lucien stan’s just like Nesta & Tamlin stan’s Feycien girlies..Like him no matter what but his fans could give two fucks about Feyre

“Feyre’s ugliness toward him in ACoFaS really made me not like her. This poor guy can’t catch a break.”

“but my number one reason is the way she treats poor Lucien.”

“then was for whatever reason expected to put his life and world at risk to get her away from his best friend??”

“I made a post a couple days ago about Tamlin because I think even he is treated unfairly by Feyre, Rhys and everyone in the IC. And if I were Lucien, I wouldn't betray the one person who saved my life and took me in for someone I barely knew, for someone who killed my friend and hated everything I was just a couple months ago.”

Oh these people are fucked in the head. They can’t be serious. For all their talk of “not babying the inner circle because they’re centuries old and they should have been more knowledgeable about how to handle Nesta” they sure do love to blame a 19 year old girl for the actions of centuries old men. These are the same people who say anything Nesta says or does to the inner circle shouldn’t be taken seriously by them because “she’s a 25 year old child🥺”

“Poor Lucien” this nigga isn’t a baby. What’s this obsession with infantilizing him? They say we infantilize Feyre by calling her Nesta and Elain’s “baby sister” (even though she is. Feyre is the youngest making her the baby of the family) but they’re out treating this 300+ year old man like a child who’s been wrong by the world.

“And if I were Lucien, I wouldn't betray the one person who saved my life and took me in for someone I barely knew” do these people realize that they’re admitting that they would sit back and watch someone be physically abused if they’re friend was doing it? They’re seriously it a “betrayal”?

The saddest thing about this is I know a lot of the people behind the accounts saying this are women. Grown ass women at that.

[gimme-mor]

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN ARCHERON, UNTOUCHABLE

*DISCLAIMER*

This will be a long post.

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter and bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom.

The reason I am tagging “Elriel” in this post is to call attention to the arguments in the Elriel fandom that: weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions about Elain’s character and her relationship with Lucien; victimize Elain’s character in fandom discussions; and coddle Elain’s character, which limits fandom discussions about her narrative development and prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions in the same way that the fandom holds other characters accountable for their actions and inactions. It is for these reasons that I WILL NOT remove the “Elriel” tag from this post because all of the above points contribute to the toxic discourse surrounding Elain’s character.

I urge those who use these arguments to understand their implications, why they are problematic, regardless of intent, and reexamine their contributions to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

Also, I highly encourage the Elriel fandom to read this post because it addresses how the concept of choice as an argument enables arguments to exploit social justice and feminist languge in order to vilify Elucien shippers, among other problematic things.

Elain Archeron is one of the most polarizing characters in the ACOTAR fandom. Though opinions about Elain vary, arguments in the Elriel fandom cite society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters as the reason behind the hate, and this belief is used to provide an explanation as to why other characters in the series are favored over her. In the series, Elain is portrayed in a wholly positive light and this image carries over into the Elriel fandom, painting her character as a good and kind female who has been unfairly wronged and a victim of circumstances that were out of her control. When arguments in the Elriel fandom oppose other viewpoints in the fandom, they fall into one of three categories:

Category 1: Weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions

Maybe people who hate Elain are just jealous of her in a weird way similar to when someone hates the pretty, nice, and charming girl in school just because she is too perfect

Disliking Elain is misogynistic

What happened to feminism? What happened to women supporting women? What happened to she can say no? All of that disappears the second you force Elain to be with Lucien

Elain antis are misogynistic

All Eluciens are Elain antis

Antis claiming they’re feminists when in reality they hate on Elain and Feyre but love Nesta

Elain antis are such sore losers. Y’all were that bunch of people who could not get over being rejected from hanging out with the cool kids so y’all are projecting your hatred towards pretty people now to get validation

I don’t get how Elain’s love for gardening equals boring for some people. I’m sorry your misogyny finds traditionally feminine activities boring

Why are you attacking a female? What did Elain do? Where are your feminist voices?

The fandom is misogynistic towards Elain

If people loved Elain they would ship Elriel

If you hate Elain it says a lot about your feelings toward women

If you hate Elain because she has no “development” then you must hate Azriel because otherwise you’re misogynistic

Eluciens are turned off by the idea of a woman that has the autonomy to reject a man for the simple reason that it is her choice

Eluciens are all about feminism and “it’s HER choice” until it comes down to females not wanting a male

Eluciens don’t respect Elain’s feelings when they ship her with someone that was part of her trauma and makes her feel uncomfortable

The way some Elucien shippers completely disregard how uncomfortable Elain is around Lucien is so hilariously not funny. Prioritizing being mates over Elain’s feelings is just regressive

It’s hard as a fan of Elain to see someone ship her with a person who makes her physically uncomfortable to be around. Wouldn’t you want both characters to be happy to be around each other

Imagine if SJM saw all the awful things her “stans” had to say about Elain

It’s true that we know comparatively little about her, but is she really boring or do you just not value stereotypically feminine traits?

So y’all are just gonna tell me you prefer Elucien over Elriel? Even though Lucien treats Elain as if she’s something that belongs to him? The only reason he wants to be with her is because she’s his mate, he doesn’t respect her, doesn’t treat her as his equal, even though that’s what mates should be? He doesn’t bother to look past what’s on the outside to see her for who she is. And Elain is obviously repulsed by the idea that she should belong to anyone or have no choice in who she can be with. Azriel is her friend and the only person who sees her quiet strength. He has so much faith in her, in her abilities; he’s the one who kept her company when no one else did, he’s the only one who bothered to see her for more than her brokenness. You’re going to tell me you still prefer Elucien over Elriel?

The more I see Gwynriels that ship Elucien out of their hate for Elain, the less I can understand Elain stans that ship Elucien. Pls Elain has made it very clear that she doesn’t want Lucien, why would you ship her with him? Do you hate her too? Smh

The real question would be, if you care and understand Elain why would you ship her with Lucien (where she canonically shrinks when he is near)?

People crying over Helion and Lucien’s mom not getting to be with each other and her being forced into a relationship she didn’t want, but also ship Elucien? Just say you hate Elain

When Elain’s book is out, Gwyn stans will look like clowns and I will laugh because they set her up by shipping her with Azriel just because they hate Elain. Watch them play the victims now because Elriels are clapping back the hate they’ve sent towards Elain

As romantic as wanting girl who is visibly uncomfortable around a guy who caused her trauma to end up with the said guy. Guess their standards for romance are in hell

Category 2: Victimize Elain’s character

Gwynriels only want Gwyn with Azriel because they despise Elain

Gwyn stans and Gwynriels are Elain antis

No one in the books dislike Elain, so why are there so many people who do?

Elain hasn’t done anything wrong or questionable to warrant the hate she gets

Not having Elain’s POV makes it easy for people to be swayed a certain way about her character if you already don’t relate to her in some way

It’s been years since this series came out and we haven’t gotten a lick of an Elain POV, but people still hate her for what? We don’t know her thoughts, dreams, or aspirations

We haven’t even had Elain’s perspective yet and people are passing these judgments off on her

Elain antis who say she’s boring are just cruel when she has obvious symptoms of PTSD like Feyre and Nesta

Gwyn is one of the most overhyped characters and that’s only because most people hate Elain and they couldn’t wait to find a random girl to ship Azriel with

Nesta was abusive to her sisters but Elain (who has only ever been kind) is painted as the villain

From the text we know that Elain is the epitome of feminine stereotypes (gentle, gardening, baking, non confrontational for the most part). Yet people still call her boring or deny that she has any interesting character traits?

You can’t love Nesta and hate Elain

People hate Elain because of internalized misogyny and lack of taste. All the girl does is tend to her garden and mind her business and they treat her worse than Tamlin

Does Gwyn deserve all this support? Of course yes! She is amazing! But where’s that support when Elain was in the same situation as she? Where’s that support for her right now? Why do they idolize Gwyn for her interactions with Azriel and hate Elain for having any interaction with him?

It’s not even a ship war anymore, they just hate Elain

People hate Elain for no reason

Some of y’all don’t like feminine traits and it shows

We know less about Eris and Helion but people don’t call them boring. Why would rejecting femininity make Elain more interesting?

Elain has had a lot forced upon her

The main reason I believe most people love Gwyn so much is to get Azriel away from Elain. It’s not a secret that Elain has been a widely hated character for years so suddenly we get a new female who has a minimal amount of interactions with Azriel and BOOM. New ship that once again doesn’t make sense (just like Azriel x Emerie after ACOFAS)

Elain hasn’t done something so terrible for her to get this hate. At this point some of you are just being misogynistic and you don’t want to accept it. Don’t call yourselves feminists and then say bs like this, it’s embarrassing. She’s pretty and everyone agreed to hate on her

Just a personal feeling, but I feel like a lot of the Elain hate stems from internalized misogyny. That to be a strong female lead, you need to pick up a sword and fight. That to be strong, you need to adapt traditionally masculine traits

Elain is feminine. She is beautiful. She loves to bake and garden. She is docile, quiet, observant, and a people-pleaser. All traditionally feminine traits. Yet for some reason, she’s like the worst in these people’s eyes?

I think also maybe a lot of people can’t relate to her femininity? That her being so beautiful and quiet doesn’t allow for the people who dislike her not to self-insert? Most of the hate stems from people not wanting Elain to be with Azriel. It’s mean, but maybe the people who hate Elain literally just can’t self-insert if they have a story and that’s why they’re vehemently against it?

Poor Elain. The Cauldron dealt her a bad deal. Upon emerging as Fae, she is immediately declared by Lucien as his mate, never mind that she was already engaged to a prick. Her love life is not good

It blows my mind how they really think that they can compare all the shit that Elain gets with some dumb jokes about Gwyn on Twitter (and yes, the “hate” towards her started mostly because Elriels are clapping back, it was bound to happen)

I would think of it as anti-feminist with Elain and Lucien because she has consistently stated that she does not want him so if she was forced to embrace the bond that would be taking away her right to have a choice but with Az she feels comfortable around so if they were mates then Elain would be happy and feel safe which again should be the priority for women to feel safe in their relationships with anything and to not be forced into any type of situation aka the mating bond in this

Category 3: Coddle Elain’s character

Elain has value the way she is, in all her domestic girly glory. Not every character has to be badass

We don’t speak of Elain’s flaws frequently because everyone else already speaks badly of her, mainly in an unfair way

There is definitely something deeper going on with Elain but by no means will she ever be evil or any less feminine. That goes against everything we already know about her

It’s ok to critique Elain because she needs growth but y’all keep forgetting the shit her and her sisters went through

The last “bad” thing Elain did in ACOTAR was not help Feyre when they were impoverished and I’m tired of people acting like she’s a terrible character when it was their father’s responsibility. It happened 4 books ago and Feyre has forgiven both Nesta and Elain

Elain’s character and the evil Elain theory are a great example of the trend where people only consider female characters interesting if they reject femininity

We don’t know enough to hate Elain

Many people want Elain to turn evil (which in my opinion seems to come from a place of internalized misogyny)

However we don’t tend to talk about her faults, at least not publicly, as that has been, and still is, done to death, and I--personally, at least--find it much more fun to theorise about potentially interesting aspects of the overall plot, than dwell on negatives

And ultimately, I would be shocked if Elain has a more karmically-charged story than Nesta, considering that Elain’s “wrongs” are so much less severe and bad than Nesta’s, and Elain has already apologized for them (or paid the price in other ways, like through what Graysen did)

I guess I also think Elain has suffered and been punished enough. I hope her story is about finding hope in terrible situations, and learning to love her new life, and choosing her own path after everything that has been done to her. I don’t think she needs to be punished anymore or face any additional trauma

Also, why is she being judged on her decisions as a human at all? Fae are monsters to humans! They enslaved them for thousands of years, and the Wall was erected to keep them out

Like I’m sorry, but think Elain would want to leave her ONLY FAMILY AND FRIENDS for the Spring Court where she has no one because--oh look, lots of flowers!--is the craziest thing I have ever heard

Her sisters are in the Night Court. Her nephew is in the Night Court. Her closest friends (Nuala and Cerridwen) are in the Night Court. Her love interest is in the Night Court. Her extended family is in the Night Court. Her home is in the Night Court

SJM isn’t going to keep two sisters together and split up the third. Especially not keep Feyre and Nesta together and separate Elain. They were either all going to end up in separate places, or together. Not 2 here and 1 there

Compared to the other female characters in the series, Elain is the only character whose femalehood is at the center of conversations; this is because arguments in the Elriel fandom fixate on it when discussing her character. While Elain, Feyre, Nesta, and Mor are all representations of white womanhood and white beauty, Elain epitomizes the most fragile version of white womanhood. It’s easy to blame society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elain’s character because it: falls in line with the fixation on Elain’s femalehood to silence opposing viewpoints; is a simplistic explanation that fails to tackle the underlying issues with Elain as a character, the same issues that are downplayed in-universe; absolves Elain of her wrongdoings; prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions within the series; and diminishes the impact Elain’s actions and inactions have on those around her. It’s not that Elain is hated in the fandom because she’s a traditional female character; it’s the fact that arguments in the Elriel fandom deflect a critical analysis of Elain’s character because she’s a traditional female character who embodies the ideal white woman in need of protection. White fans and white-aligned fans of color, especially white women, have a tendency to vehemently defend, gatekeep, and coddle white female characters in fandom; this makes it difficult for other fans to engage in critical discussions about these white female characters because they’re viewed as flawless and all around perfect characters despite evidence to the contrary. Since Elain is viewed positively by the other characters in the series, it has rendered her character untouchable to any perceived slight or criticism in fandom discussions because those negative opinions challenge what has been said about her character thus far. And as a result, her character has been placed on a pedestal and implicitly hailed as the epitome of white womanhood; and when she’s criticized, it’s seen as a direct attack against white womanhood. Arguments in the Elriel fandom: exploit feminist language and perpetuate white feminist tactics under the guise of defending Elain’s character; center Elain in conversations about female oppression in the ACOTAR world and uphold white feminist ideologies in their critique of ACOTAR’s patriarchal society; and use the fragile white woman narrative to victimize Elain in Lucien’s presence, playing into racial biases that are associated with white supremacy’s defense of white womanhood.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. As feminism became more mainstream, a flat and oversimplified version of feminism emerged: mainstream feminism. The mainstream feminist movement is meant to represent all women, but rarely does it center conversations around issues that concern most women. The problem with mainstream feminism is that it’s just a popularized version of white feminism. White feminism has relied extensively on an individualized understanding of women’s oppression, exclusively from the lens of privileged white women. White feminism only focuses on the oppression experienced by white, able-bodied, affluent, educated, cishet women; and it views gender as the key mode of privileged white women’s oppression, isolated from the privileges granted by their other social identities. White women can be and are oppressed under the patriarchy but only because they are women; their identity as women does not exempt them from the privileges granted by their whiteness. The term white feminist does not mean any feminist who is white, but refers to feminists who prioritize the concerns of privileged white women as though they are representative of all women. However, the term is not exclusive to white people. Because white feminism is so pervasive, people of other racial and ethnic backgrounds often buy into white feminism, believing that if they work hard enough, they may be able to reap its rewards.

Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism only recognizes the identity of being a woman, assumes that all women share common experiences of gender oppression, fails to address other social identities in relation to overlapping systems of oppression, and disregards privilege in relation to various social identities. Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism is palatable because it doesn’t seek to challenge the systems in place, instead its goal is to succeed within them. Essentially, mainstream feminism and white feminism are extensions of performative feminism. Performative feminism is a type of performative activism that’s used to describe feminist views that are surface level and solely for the benefit of one type of person. It’s a pretense which often has nothing to do with genuine activism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom normalize and promote performative feminism because the topic of feminism is only referenced when discussing Elain. This indicates that these arguments are engaging in disingenuous discourse to push a personal agenda within the ACOTAR fandom, and it becomes more apparent when they use white feminist tactics to shut down opposing viewpoints:

White feminists weaponize and exploit feminist language to silence the opinions of other women, especially when they’re called out for their problematic behaviors

White feminists use the phrase “Women supporting women” to defend other white feminists who exhibit problematic behaviors instead of holding them accountable 

White feminists weaponize phrases like “Women supporting women” and “You just hate women” to attack other women who disagree with them on any given topic

White feminists use phrases like “All women face challenges” and “Stop pitting women against each other” to sidestep conversations about privilege

White feminists divert conversations away from privilege and towards the Trauma Olympics to equate their struggles to the oppression of marginalized people 

White feminists skirt around the realities of other forms of oppression and discrimination, downplaying the experiences of marginalized people

White feminists diminish or ignore the ways in which gender oppression affects other marginalized people

White feminists paint those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive when confronted with the ways they have harmed a marginalized group

White feminists deflect criticism by focusing on the anger or emotions being expressed rather than the issue that is being discussed, invalidating the concerns of marginalized people

White feminists speak over marginalized voices in an attempt to sound “woke”

White feminists get defensive and insist there’s no way they could be a part of the problem because of what they’ve done to help marginalized groups already 

White feminists say they don’t see color in an attempt to obscure racial issues that need to be addressed

White feminists center and victimize themselves in conversations about racism, which derails necessary conversations from taking place

White feminists who are white weaponize the intersectionality of their race and gender to avoid accountability

Feminism is not meant to be approached from an individualistic perspective nor is it only about addressing the experiences of privileged white women, it involves addressing the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, (dis)ability, and other social identities as well; and it involves addressing how these social identities relate to privilege. Moreover, feminism is not about women upholding complete loyalty to other women because of a shared gender identity, and to claim that it does implies that women should be held to different emotional standards than men. If men are able to dislike and criticize other individual men, real or fictional, without their characters being compromised, why aren’t women granted that same privilege?

It’s clear that SJM set up the ACOTAR world to mirror a patriarchal society, and that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom analyze the ACOTAR world through a feminist lens to show how ACOTAR’s patriarchal society, to which the mating bond is innately tied, contributes to female oppression and limits their agency. When choice and free will are emphasized as part of Elain’s arc, they imply that Elain, through the mating bond, experiences female oppression under ACOTAR’s patriarchal society because of her identity as a female with that identity being the focal point of her oppression in the world. Elain is one of the most privileged characters in the ACOTAR world: she’s High Fae; she’s the sister of the High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court, which gives her access to wealth and political influence because of that connection; she’s able-bodied; she was magically blessed by the Cauldron; and she lives in Velaris, a place that grants females autonomy and power because of the beliefs of Rhysand and Feyre. Arguments in the Elriel fandom trivialize female oppression in the ACOTAR world because they disregard the fact that Elain’s privileges prevent her from experiencing female oppression in the same way that other marginalized females in the world do. The mating bond being one such example because those around Elain are not forcing the bond on her, instead they’re allowing Elain to reach a decision about the bond for herself; a privilege that other marginalized females in the world probably wouldn’t have. Just because Elain has endured hardships in her life and is a female in a patriarchal society, they do not erase the privileges she holds within the ACOTAR world. The failure to include Elain’s privileges in discussions about Elain being a female in a patriarchal society feeds into white feminist ideologies because white feminism operates from a very narrow perspective; it doesn’t take other intersecting identities into account when it examines gender oppression, leaving no room for discussions about privilege (or lack thereof) in relation to those intersecting identities. When discussing oppression in hierarchical societies, it’s imperative that privilege is also included in the conversation because privilege and oppression are not mutually exclusive; they equally affect the ways in which people navigate those societies through their social identities.

Rather than attributing Elain’s uncomfortability to her new life as a Fae female or the mating bond itself and her trauma to the Cauldron, the King of Hybern, or Ianthe, they’re placed on Lucien to cast his character in a negative light. Moreover, fandom discussions portray Lucien as a possessive character to further emphasize Elain’s discomfort despite the inaccuracy of this characterization in canon. Arguments in the Elriel fandom play into racial biases when it comes to Lucien (a male character of color) because they mischaracterize his character in order to victimize Elain (a white female character), placing her character in the role of the white damsel in distress. In Western society, the concept of womanhood has been conceptualized from a Eurocentric perspective with femininity and feminine attributes favoring white women. It’s the idea that a certain type of femininity is only inherent to white women as they are seen as the embodiment of an ideal womanhood. White womanhood has been a symbol of innocence and purity, and white women have been viewed as fragile beings in need of protection. The reason white womanhood functions within white supremacy is because it’s the same idea that has motivated white men to kill and beat black and brown men. The so-called protection of white women has been used as a justification for the horrific violence committed by white men because black and brown men were stereotyped as aggressive and seen as a threat to the virtue of white women. The white damsel in distress trope considered white women as worthy of protection because of their perceived innocence and purity; women of color were not granted that same treatment because they did not fit into the ideal image of womanhood. Over the years, this trope became a means for white women to exercise limited power in a patriarchal society with white women weaponizing their status as the damsel much to the detriment of black and brown men. It’s through the white damsel in distress trope that white supremacy sustains its dominance in Western society. The misrepresentation of characters of color in fandom, the dismissal of their importance to the overall story, and using them as tools in arguments centered around white characters are the foundation of fandom racism; they’re examples of how racism moves silently in fandom spaces. Instead of examining their behavior and taking constructive criticism from fans of color, white fans will often double down on their bigotry and center their uncomfortability in the conversation when confronted with their complicity in fandom racism. White fans expect fans of color to swallow fandom racism in its many forms in order to not ruin the experience of fandom, dismissing the fact that racism is prevalent in nearly every aspect of society. This mentality ensures that no one is held accountable for the harm they caused and alienates fans of color in fandom spaces.

To reiterate what I mentioned in my first think piece: terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. Being an ally, activist, or feminist is not an identity, it’s a practice. It requires: ongoing self-reflection; holding ourselves accountable; listening to marginalized people; educating ourselves; dismantling implicit biases; challenging those around us who are exhibiting problematic behaviors; and action behind our words.

It’s important to be aware of the language that is used within the fandom when defending or critiquing characters and ships. It’s also important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate?

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Tagging: @spell-cleavers @bookofmirth @m0bulidae @ilya-boltagon

[longsightmyth]

anti-sjm sentiments increase after every book she releases, which is great, but something deeply uncomfortable I'm realizing, especially in the anti-acotar community, is that ... a lot of new antis do not actually care about the deeply problematic elements and patterns of sjm's works, but only care about them in the context of their favourite character. It's the same mindset as the stan community with the "anti" name.

some Feyre stans, for example (or rather Feysand stans, idk if she has stans of her own because sjm hasn't given her a fucking personality to stand on) are very disillusioned and pissed off with the crap Rhys pulls on her in acofas and acosf, but fail to understand that it is not a random 180 degree character change, it's a perfectly predictable pattern of behaviour from the time he abused her in acotar, something they still continue to dismiss or deny.

Tamlin is another character - while there has been renewed attention given to the way he's treated very unfairly in the narrative (which is good!), some new fans of his veer very close to outright woobificafion. I read a post that criticized Feyre for getting together with rhysand so fast after Tamlin, because it was - I kid you not - disrespectful to Tamlin and her relationship with him. yeah. the dude who emotionally and physically abused her - that's who she should be respecting. I've seen his relationship with Lucien get romantisized as well.

Nesta fans (and I'm one of them so it's doubly irritating) are rightfully furious at how badly sjm treats her, and how the narrative harps on that while blissfully ignoring the crap that other characters have done. But there's...no need to deny & dismiss the fact that she genuinely was very shitty to Feyre in the beginning of acotar (and feyre is very shitty to her now). Like, it's fine to acknowledge it lol, it doesn't mean to have to like Nesta less as a character. And so many stans also ship her with Cassian, which I genuinely do not understand because if they really cared about her, why the fuck are they shipping her with her abuser? Some of those people were rightfully outraged after Silver Flames, but it's the same as feysand fans - they ignore the pattern of abuse that's been existent since Wings and Embers. and some Nesta fans ship her with ERIS of all characters, good god.

Mor's treatment is a fucking mess. She's dismissed by a lot of people, and from what i've seen, there are quite a few Nesta stans vehemently hate her. Which I get to an extent, because she was terrible to Nesta in acosf, but maybe acknowledge that this is the same person who helped Feyre contrary to Rhys's wishes in acomaf, and the fact that she's queer was a complete retcon by sjm followed by a downgrade in her narrative importance, her powers, and her likeability. And that Azriel pursuing her for 500+ years is is fucking CREEPY, she is terribly unnerved and uncomfortable by it, meaning she in *also* in a deeply toxic situation. and I think sometimes she's blamed for sleeping with Cassian, too, idk. People who write pages describing how unfairly other female characters are treated but make no room for her are automatically disregarded by me lol.

... anyway, yeah. I'm not sure this makes sense, I don't remember exact details of the series so maybe I've missed my mark at places, but this is what I've observed.

No I think you're right - it's frustrating when there are problems with a series (especially serious ones) that people either don't see or ignore until it impacts a character or facet of the story they care about.

And yes, while the treatment of women in the series is pretty crappy, the treatment of women IN the series by fandom is even crappier. Whatever you (general you) feel Mor's sexuality is, it shouldn't matter: someone who has shown no interest in another person for 500 YEARS is not at fault for the other person continuing to lust after them, and it rubbed me the wrong way that the only way Feyre could excuse Mor not being into Azriel was that Mor is into women.

In short, the books tie into and encourage protagonist-centered morality, and while the books themselves hold Rhys up as the ultimate protagonist, fans are going to have different favorites.

(I’m sorry this took so long to answer, apparently I typed it up and put it in drafts?!)

[acourtofthought]

I know I might be in the minority on this, but I really could see a beautiful friendship blossom between Lucien and Mor

I wonder what Mor sees when she looks at him

If she suspects his true parentage

What she sees when she thinks of him and Elain, in the current timeline and their future

What an interesting position she’s in, tied to two distant members of his family. And sporting more friends across the courts, it may seem, than the other IC members.

She’s so busy, right now. But I wonder what role The Morrigan might play in Elucien’s story? She’s already told Feyre to stay out of it, that neither of them are ready. Will she be there when we learn that they are?

I feel like Mor is very accepting of everyone. Whether she and Lucien become extremely close (which I'm not sure of considering he's also good friends with Vassa and Feyre -ish), I can absolutely see her as more welcoming than any other members of the IC have been with him. Cassian tolerates him. I think Rhys has been coming around to him and is beginning to see that he is actually a decent male. Nesta has finally reached a point where she's not spitting venom at him. Az, well, we know what he thinks of Lucien (and unfairly so). But Mor would absolutely draw him into conversation and express genuine interest. I think she has a bit of a soft spot for Elain and has already mentioned to Feyre that they both need time to figure out who they are and where they want to be. That might be because she used her gift of Truth on him and was able to see through the barriers everyone else has against him (basically being judgmental over his past with Tamlin without acknowledging he was a victim too and the extreme jealousy Az feels). I think Feyre holds onto her grudges and while she knows Lucien is a good Male, she hasn't treated him very well in the last few books. But Mor seems to be the only one who doesn't allow the past to cloud her perception of him and I'm sure that would feel pretty amazing to someone like Lucien who is unfairly judged by the rest of the IC.

[mesmusae]

I think i should say something:

In terms of Elain and Lucien and Elain vs Lucien i think i often come off as disliking and blaming lucien and i want to clarify: I do not hate/ dislike him. And i so not blame him. And if you write Lucien please know, i very much want to write with you and explore potentials for them just as much as I would want to explore potentials with Az. Perhaps even more just because of the mating bond and how it affects them.

I feel a LOT of empathy for the situations he's been in. Including the thing fandom seems to hold over his head, which is the inaction when tamlin was so clearly mistreating feyre. He was stuck in a hard place. And how he found his mate wasn't exactly ideal, especially when he had blindly thought it was Jessminda.

But i admit, I stick up for Elain more. Obviously i love her. But also i think she's getting unfairly treated by fandom. She's being expected to shoulder everything. And expected to give lucien a chance, even though he hasn't explicitly asked her for one (but she has to explicitly reject it and the two times she has apparently aren't good enough), because her thoughts and feelings are often ignored. I don't like when people are saying she mistreats him, because it implies she owes him something. Because she is clearly uncomfortable in his presence but still tries to do her best to at least be polite. And of course she's not perfect.

So most of my discussion is based around what i think Elain thinks and feels. Based off canon evidence and also just things that match her behavior. And i understand that the things i believe Elain to perceive in regards to Lucien's actions are not what fandom, readers, or lucien are wanting her to perceive. But it doesn't change that it is how she perceives it. And is allowed to.

And if you ever want to discuss, please feel free to message me. If you would feel more comfortable plotting please message me. Seriously.

I still love the idea of Elain and Lucien possibly working things out. It's a dynamic I'd love to explore.

[missbrightsky]

I didn’t know where else to go

Fics Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Chapter 10: Feyre

Ughhhh, can’t a girl get some sleep around here? My phone ignored my internal bitching, continuing to ring. My fingers reached out, fumbling for it.

I didn’t bother looking at the caller, knowing who it was already. “Lucien,” I answered, my voice thick with sleep.

“There’s been reports of shots fired at the docks, looks like the Veritas could have been involved.”

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. “How can you know?” Adrenaline pounded through my system, waking me up. I had only gotten home barely an hour earlier, Cas dropping me off with a grin and a wink.

“Wishful thinking, mostly. Maybe a bit of a hunch,” Lucien admitted. “But this is a close area to where we think the Veritas base is…” I now knew that was nowhere close to true, it was several blocks north of where we were trying to narrow it down.

“You woke me up for a hunch?” trying to bring my heart rate back down, doing my best to put a grumble in the words to sell them.

“I know you need your beauty sleep,” he teased, sounding unfairly awake for the ungodly hour, “But I thought I should give you the heads up.”

I sighed, flipping onto my back to stare at the shadowy ceiling. “Thanks, Lucien. You want me to come meet you at the docks?”

“Nah, I’ve got it covered, the area was abandoned except for some bullet casings and tire marks. You need your sleep to heal from those bruises, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay, call me if you need backup,” exhaustion pulling me down again despite the heart attack he almost gave me. The line went dead and I sank back against my pillows, relieved that there seemed to be almost no evidence of Veritas involvement from tonight.

Lucien didn’t mention the possibility of another group being there tonight. Had he not completely examined the scene yet? Or had he just assumed it was an internal Veritas skirmish?

Questions for the morning, Feyre, I reminded myself. I had been pushing myself hard the last few days and my body cried out for rest.

Slowly, I managed to sink down into sleep again, my dreams filled with clashing violet and green eyes.

The normal Monday flurry of activity greeted me when I stepped off the elevator at the precinct. The night shift shuffled by, heading home for sleep. Cops bustled back and forth, stopping to talk to others if they had a question. Those that had been arrested yowled obscene things from the bullpen every now and again. Typical for a day at Precinct 12.

Except now there was a huge board set up in the briefing room, covered in reports, clippings, photos and other various bits of paper.

“Uhhhhh Lucien?” I called to my partner who had beaten me our desks, “What’s this?” I took a few steps into the room, eyes darting across the board. They settled on a pair of violet eyes looking directly at whoever was taking the photo, a hint of mirth in them as though he knew who was taking the photo.

It was me. I took that photo on one of the first stakeouts with Lucien to get a handle on the new gang that had popped up in town. Just him knowing exactly when and where to look was the first hint that we were biting off more than we can chew. Rhysand Noc wasn’t running a new gang but an organized criminal enterprise with an MO of kidnapping scientists.

Rhysand Noc, who had seemingly appeared from nowhere in Velaris a week before, immediately started causing waves in the underbelly of the city with his family.

Rhysand Noc and his family that practically was laughing in our faces at how they were able to walk down the street without a care in the world because they knew we had nothing on the.

Helion had put the two of us on his tail soon after, ordering us to trail him and catch him as soon as possible with an arrestable offense.

Weeks went by and the only thing we saw him do was run a stop sign. And after bringing him in on that charge, it was clear he did it on purpose to feel us out. Get a look inside the precinct and how we think. He had been completely at ease the whole time, going as far as to flirt with me at one point. Had it not been for my stellar ability to grit my teeth and sit back, I might have been tempted to punch that smug look off his perfect face.

“Captain made the Veritas Crime Syndicate our top priority after the shooting last night. Even though there were no bodies or blood, it looks like they’re becoming more violent. Vargas and Boyle are now working with us on this.”

Velaris was a pretty big city but safer compared to those further down south. It had its standard run of the mill gangs and lowlife, but Rhys and his family and Amarantha went far beyond that. The oncoming storm might end up being one of the worst in this city’s long history.

The thought of that sent a shudder of ice crawling down my spine. When I joined the force, I knew I would be dealing with blackened and lost souls, seeing someone’s life spilled out on the cold ground, but a threat on this scale would be devastating for the citizens of Velaris.

Lucien had continued on in the background, oblivious to my dark, troubling thoughts. He followed me back to our desks, handing me the file from last night. Flipping through it, it didn’t have much information other than the facts from the scene and stipulations that the Veritas were involved.

There was one thing I had refused to let my conscious confront from last night until now.

Hot lips pressed against mine, strong hands pulling me closer.

I mentally shook myself, No, not that. The other thing, shoving Rhys far, far, far from my mind.

Tamlin.

He had been there last night, working for Amarantha.

And I had knocked him the fuck out. If I had to admit it, it felt damn good to drop him after all the shit he put me through.

I flashed a glance over at Lucien. His chin was propped on his hand, the other scrolling through whatever was making him grimace slightly. The morning light streaming in from the windows caught the gleam of glass from his left eye. Sometimes I completely forgot that he only had one eye having lost it when he was little. As close as we were, that was one story he hadn’t told me yet, the scars from it running deeper than the ones I could see.

I can’t tell him, not yet at least. Other than me, Tamlin was Lucien’s closest friend and that kind of pain might send him into a spiral that I can’t pull him out of. If I was lucky, and I rarely am, maybe Tamlin getting knocked out last night had made him realize the money wasn’t worth the pain and jail time.

A steady flow of work passed me by, Lucien and I leaving only once for a basic B&E scene and making it back before lunch.

It was in the break room where Captain Cartana found us. Despite the growing concern for the Veritas, he was practically glowing with happiness. And despite my growing concern for Rhys and Tamlin and everything else, his happiness was infectious, and a smile sprung to my face.

“Ready for your wedding this weekend, Captain?” I asked, knowing what the answer would be already.

“I wish it was tomorrow,” he answered, a slightly glazed look coming to his eyes when he thought of his fiancée. Lucien and I looked at each other and laughed, Helion was absolutely smitten with Leana.

“Anything else need to be done for the big day?” I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich.

“Nope! Everything is made or booked or ordered, now all we have to do is count down the days,” that glazed look deepened, causing Lucien and I to groan our disgust, barely hiding out shaking shoulders.

That broke Helion out of it, a mock glare sweeping over us. Here was a man that had no shame in how much he loved his soon to be wife.

“Well, we’re excited to be there,” Lucien assured. Even though Helion could be a tough captain, he treated everyone under him fairly, encouraging trust and friendships to grow in the precinct. Lucien and I were practically the poster children for that fact after he put us on night shift duty for six months. Now nearing six years on the force and we had become close enough to the captain to be invited to the wedding, along with half of the precinct.

With a nod and a smile, Helion stood up and strode out of the room. And I’ll be damned if no one was watching, he would be skipping instead.

Next Chapter

[nomattertheoceans]

I don’t idolize Severus Snape

I think I might have already made this distinction in my post about Tamlin from ACOTAR, but I'll just do it again for good measure :) I'm here talking about Snape as a person. His character is very complex and really interesting to read about. But him as a person? Awful human being in my opinion.

I’ll try to make this post logical and not get too carried away hahaha I’m working off memory of my last reading here, and it’s been like a year and a half, so I might not get everything correct, feel free to correct me, and to let me know what you think.

So first, let’s take a look at his actions as a teenager

He was already extremely prejudiced before they even went to Hogwarts. You can see that he despises Petunia because she’s a muggle, and he’s only nice with Lily because he’s “in love with her” (I’ll come back to the love part a bit later)

We see in the flashbacks from their first year that when Lily and Severus meet with the Marauders in the train to Hogwarts, there’s instant hatred between them. But it’s mutual, it’s not just James and Sirius bullying him, it’s the three of them instantly despising each other. And may I remind you of another instant hatred relationship we get to see in the books: Harry & Draco.

Ok probably the biggest point that's brought up when people defend Snape’s actions: the flashback from the OWLs. We follow the Marauders, Harry discovers how arrogant his father was in school, and witnesses him hexing Snape. This scene alone is certainly good at presenting Snape as the poor guy that was bullied through school and couldn’t get out of it. I mean, James does attack Snape without any reason. But what do we learn later? That Snape used to hex the Marauders as much as they hexed him. We learn again that their hatred was very much mutual, and that it's his worst memory, not because of the bullying, but because his shit treatment of Lily got her to abandon any hope of friendship with him. Which leads me to my next point:

He insults someone who's supposed to be his best friend, with the worst possible insult in the Wizarding world. He humiliates her in front of an entire crowd. And even if the insult kind of comes out without him thinking about it, it shouldn't have, because a non-bigotted person wouldn't have had the reflex to use this word. And this comes from the fact that even when he was a teenager, he was already...

A Death Eater. That's right, in one of the flashbacks, he clearly states that he considers the use of an unforgivable curse on a muggleborn a joke.

Also,

Sectumsempra. Need I say more? He invented a potentially deadly curse in school, and didn't hesitate in using it, since we have an account of Remus saying it was his “signature move."

Granted, all of this happened when he was still in school, so somewhat immature. So let's take a look at everything he did afterwards, as an adult.

Working for Voldemort even though, once again, he was targeting primarily people similar to the woman he supposedly "loved."

Not hesitating in giving Voldemort the prophecy, knowing full well that he would kill any threat to his power, so giving away innocent people.

Only feeling remorse about the prophecy when he realized it concerned Lily

Being ready to let her husband and son, the people she loved, die, because he only cared about keeping her alive.

Begging Voldemort to keep her alive, again not caring about the people she loved.

Only turning on Voldemort's ideas because she was in danger, and then only starting to want redemption because she was dead.

Once Harry gets to Hogwarts and the books begin, a whole new lot of awful is in store. Snape is a professor at that time, he is supposed to help his students grow and be confident about themselves, he's supposed to teach them potions, but also be helpful to them (they're in a boarding school, so the kids don't have their parents with them and the teachers have a much bigger role to play in their education).

He is biased, he's deliberately advantaging his house by giving them unfair points, and unfairly taking points away from other students.

He destroys Remus' career out of spite, even though he knows damn well that Remus is not a danger to the kids, and actually a good and beloved teacher.

He's ready to let Sirius be kissed by the Dementors because of their old school hatred, even though he knows he's innocent (or at least suspects it).

He stops teaching Harry occlumency , once again out of spite. Harry doesn't want the lessons either, but he is a teenager, and it should be Snape’s responsibility to keep the lessons going.

And the biggest problem, he is a bully.

He bullies Hermione, calling her a know-it-all, and calling her out on a physical trait she's not comfortable with, when she's thirteen.

He bullies Neville all throughout his school years, treating him like he's worthless, becoming his worse fear by third year (and probably before). Snape actually tries to murder Neville's pet, and he's upset when the potion turns out not killing Trevor, actually taking points from Hermione because she helped him save his pet!!!!!

And finally, he bullies Harry from day one. Harry arrives at Hogwarts, it's the first time he's away from his abusive family, he's very eager to learn everything there is to learn and he's very humble. And what is the first thing Snape does? He asks him a bunch of trick questions to humiliate him in front of all his new comrades. Then, he spends the rest of Harry's school career bullying him, angering him into getting detentions and losing points, telling him his father was the most awful person to ever live when Harry never even got to meet him, and trying to get him expelled from Hogwarts.

And there's nothing to justify acting that way towards Harry. Yes, Snape holds a grudge against James, yes he never got over his feelings towards the Marauders, and yes, it angers him that Harry looks so much like his father. But these are no reasons to bully an innocent child. In comparison, could you imagine Neville (canonically teacher to the New Gen) treating Scorpius that way just because his father used to bully him?! No? Me neither. Because Neville is a good person.

His "love" for Lily

One last thing before we part. I don't think he was in love with Lily. I think he was obsessed with her. Because when you love someone, you don't treat them like crap just to please your new racist friends. When you love someone, you don't humiliate them in front of the whole school when you're hurt. When you love someone, if they find love and happiness somewhere else, you don't want their family to die.

He stole the photo and the letter that Lily sent to Sirius. He found a photo of her laughing at her family, and cut them out to keep the illusion she was smiling at him. He found the words of love that she'd sent willingly to a close friend of her, and stole them away, to keep the illusion that she was in love with him.

Again, I can't stress this one enough: Snape was fine with the idea of James and Harry dying, as long as Lily lived. He didn't care about her losing the man she loved, didn't care about her losing her child. That's not healthy, that's not love.

The quote "Always" is creepy. Because it's supposed to be this grand gesture of love, showing undying love even after years apart. But that's not undying love. That's unrequited, one-sided obsession.

Also, little bonus because I don't believe this scene is in the books, just in the movies. But who enters a room with a crying baby in it, and instead of trying to calm down the baby and hug him, goes to the corpse of the woman that's always been rejecting them? That is so creepy, I can't even emphasize it enough so here's the scene:

Anyway, all of this to say that while his character is one of the most well-constructed of the books, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to see that a lot of people see him a this white knight that couldn't do any wrong, whose bad actions were all redeemed by the sole fact that he was indeed working for the good side at the end. Working for the good side doesn't excuse racism. And it certainly doesn't excuse bullying.

If you want to read my other thoughts on stuff

[autumnshighlady]

I’ve Always Liked to Play With Fire (part 5)

NESTA ARCHERON X FEMALE!READER (future Neris x reader)

summary: You arrive in the Spring Court, and things take a drastic turn

warnings: inner circle slander, sorta pro-Tamlin pls don’t kill me

word count: 8.5k (y’all said you liked long chapters)

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

a/n: please do not come at me for defending Tamlin. He is not one of my favourite characters or anything BUT I do think that he gets treated unfairly so this fic is meant to address that and see things from his perspective. i hope you enjoy this chapter regardless, it took me forever haha

feedback is appreciated, just no hate pls! these are just my opinions, i’m more curious to see how you all like the writing and characterization and storylines!

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

read on ao3

Spotify playlist

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“I expect a regular report once a week, and any important updates as soon as they come up.” The High Lord’s voice droned on and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. The meeting had been going on for half an hour, which was half an hour too long in your opinion. The Inner Circle had gathered to discuss your working in the Spring Court. A few months ago, you’d have squirmed under their gaze, like a lamb surrounded by lions. Little did they know that this time you were the lion, and they were the lambs.

You hoped they all suffered at the end of it in some way.

“And you remember how to reach us?” Feyre said, snapping you out of your trance.

“I do,” You said through gritted teeth. “Because Azriel and I have gone over it a million times, as well as what to do if it doesn’t work. Can we move on?”

“I hope you’re taking this seriously, girl.” Amren spoke up from her chair in the corner. Her silver eyes glared at you with distaste, so you glared back.

“Why are you even here?” You challenged the tiny female. “You apparently don’t have any powers anymore so what do you contribute other than just being a cunt?”

“Enough, (Y/N).” Rhysand spoke up before Amren could fire back. “Amren has earned her seat at this court and you will show her respect.”

“I’m the one risking my ass for you guys,” You snapped. “I’ll respect her when she stops glaring at me from the corner and making snide remarks.”

“I thought you trained her properly, Azriel.” Amren quipped, ignoring you. “She should know when to hold her tongue.”

Azriel audibly sighed, “We covered just about everything except that.” He mumbled.

“But she is ready for this, is she not?” Feyre asked the Spymaster.

“As she’ll ever be.” He grumbled in response.

“Then it’s settled.” Rhysand said, clasping his hands together. “Azriel will winnow (Y/N) to the border of the Spring Court. From there, she will make her journey to the manor. Our reports say Tamlin hasn’t even bothered to check on her village since it was attacked, so it will be easy for him to believe that she survived and has been laying low the past while. She will offer him her services, and keep us updated on the High Lord. His movements, any mention of working with anyone outside his own court, the likes. Any questions?”

“I have one.” You piped up. The inner circle turned to look at you – Mor’s eyebrows were raised, and Azriel’s were pleading as if begging you to not start anything else.

“Go ahead.” Feyre said hesitantly.

You resisted the urge to grin at how the rulers of the Night Court tensed in anticipation. “So my salary,” You continued. “How is that gonna work? Do you guys pay monthly or?”

Azriel rubbed his face with his hands, and Amren rolled her eyes. You found it funny how the richest fae you knew groaned at the idea of paying someone for their work – granted it was a more than fair wage, but given how much wealth they possessed, you knew their accounts wouldn’t feel its impact.

“You will be compensated upon your return to our Court.” Rhysand said, violet eyes glaring at you.

“Which will be?” You asked, meeting his stare.

“When we are satisfied that Tamlin is no longer an additional threat. Once we have taken care of other matters, you will be relieved of your duties and can return here so we can deal with him on our own.”

“Right. But that could be months, years even. I’m not waiting that long to get paid, especially since I have no money. I’ll need it anyway to get by in Spring Court since Tamlin probably won’t have much to pay me.”

You could feel the annoyance simmering off the High Lord as he spoke. “Fine, we’ll get it sorted out. Just do what you have to do and we’ll take care of the rest, ok?”

You nod, shuffling on your feet. To them, the action may have appeared nervous, but you were excited. You finally got to go home, but it was more than that, you finally got to give the Inner Circle a taste of their own medicine. Granted, you felt a bit guilty – Cassian was kind enough, and Nesta did care for him in some way. And as annoying as Azriel was during training, he hadn’t really done anything wrong either.

But you remembered what Mor had said to Nesta, that she’d fit right in with the Court of Nightmares. Nesta had filled you in on the Morrigan’s past, how her family sold her into marriage with Eris, only to dump her at the Autumn Court border with a note nailed into her womb saying she was Eris’ problem. Apparently it was Azriel who found her after Eris supposedly left her there, and thus her rise to power under Rhysand’s protection.

Mor, who had endured the cruelest of horrors in the Court of Nightmares that you would not wish upon anyone, had told Nesta that she belonged there. In a place that sold women like cattle and tortured them if they did not obey their fathers or husbands. It disgusted you how Mor could survive that only to tell a suffering female that she would deserve such a fate, not counting the fact that she herself had done nothing you know of to help other females like her who didn’t have a High Lord as a best friend.

Then there was Amren. You were underwhelmed upon meeting her – since losing her powers in the war, the mighty creature was just a bad-tempered High Fae female who did nothing but make rude comments to people. You honestly couldn’t figure out why she was even feared anymore.

You didn’t like Mor and Amren, but they were not the true targets of your revenge. Feyre had destroyed your court and was never held accountable for it. While Rhysand didn’t have any part of it, you still saw him as a controlling dick – he made no effort to help those in his court who weren’t part of his precious circle, and clearly did not care about the fates of innocents if he praised his mate for ruining their lives. Yes, Feyre and Rhysand would be hit hardest by your plan, and you were glad for it.

“Good luck,” Feyre said, nodding at you. “And thank you for doing this.”

“I’m not doing this for you.” Was all you replied with before following Azriel out of the room.

I’m doing this for me and Nesta. You added in your head.

*********************

Azriel winnowed you to the edge of the Spring Court border, as promised. You were clad in a Spring Court attire designed to look like one of your old dresses, since you obviously couldn’t appear in any clothes from the Night Court. You had been given a small sack with a few coins, stale bread, and a canteen of water – again, designed specifically to look like you had salvaged it from your village’s wreckage.

As the sweet air of the Spring Court filled your senses, you swallowed nervously. For the first time in a while it hit you what you were actually doing. You pushed aside your doubts before they could form, reminding yourself of why you were doing this.

Nesta and I need to get away from the Night Court. It’s suffocating us both and we need a way out, which may be through Eris. I just have to get to Eris and convince him to help us, then we’ll be free.

You thought of Nesta again and your last interaction with her. You had to consciously make an effort not to touch the star that was magically inked onto your sternum, remembering the kiss you shared with her after the spell. Your lips still tingled with the taste of her mouth, how soft yet passionate it was–

“You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” Azriel’s deep voice snapped you out of your trance.

“No, sorry.” You mumbled, earning a huff.

“As I was saying,” He continued irritably. “You should reach the manor in less than a day from here. Take that path–”

“I know my way around my own court.”

“Yet you have spent several months in Night so I am simply reminding you.”

“Reminder taken.”

You felt a hand grip your shoulder, turning you around and forcing you to look at him. Azriel’s hazel eyes bore into yours. “Are you sure about this?” He said, eyes scanning your face as if he was searching for something. “If not, that’s ok. We can take you back and figure something else out–”

“No.” You cut him off, almost too quickly. The spymaster did not show any reaction to your interjection, but you’d be stupid to think that he wasn’t analyzing and calculating your every move. “I can do this. I just don’t like lying to Tamlin.”

Azriel blinked, and you weren’t sure if he believed you or not so you continued. “I’ve known him since I was a child. I worry he’ll see right through me.”

The spymaster nodded slowly before answering. “Remember what I taught you. And just do your best – Tamlin knows you, use that to your advantage. He’s not himself, and he won’t be doing what’s in the best interest for his court. Perhaps you can nudge him in the right direction, but if he’s doing anything that threatens the Night Court of Prythian we need to know. I hope you understand that.”

You froze at his last words. I hope you understand that. A pit of dread formed in your stomach as one of your worst fears began to crawl into your mind. Azriel was not entirely fooled by you, and you knew it. Your mouth went dry as you met his gaze. He stared at you no differently than he had before, but you knew that as a spy those shadows were always whispering to him, always picking up on details that you may have missed….

No, You assured yourself. If he knew about my plan with Nesta I wouldn’t be here. No way. He may suspect something, but he can’t have any evidence to act on yet. I have more time.

“I do understand.” You said as calmly as you could. “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Ever so slightly, Azriel’s gaze softened. “Those of us in this line of work rarely do.” He said.

“Then let’s hope I don’t have to be in it for long.” You said, silently adding, for many reasons.

“We shall.” Azriel said, before straightening up and stretching his wings slightly. “Well in that case, good luck (Y/N).”

You gave him a small smile before turning away from the shadowsinger, heading down the path through the forest. You knew Azriel was gone by now, but felt his shadows linger as if they were watching you.

*********************

After a day, you reached Tamlin’s manor. It was an unnerving journey to say the least – the normally buzzing forest was quiet, as if all happiness had been drained from it. The birds rarely sang, the flowers looked sad and withered. There were no happy cries of children playing in the streams – the whole Spring Court had gone quiet. The manor was overgrown with vines, stretching across cracks in the once pristine walls. There were few guards, most hardly noticed you as you walked through the gate. Daeron, a sentry friend of your father’s, only glanced up at you as you walked by, a hollow look in his eyes. He said nothing, just looked at you like you were a ghost.

The fact you were able to get to and enter the manor with no resistance was worrying. Tamlin must be in even worse shape than you thought to let it get like this. Even the inside of the manor was overgrown in many places, thorns and vines creeping into the spaces.

“My Lord?” You called out, not wanting to startle Tamlin if he even was home. Carefully, you set your bag on the table, noting how tendrils of dust skimmed the air as you did so.

The manor was a ghost of its former glory. Paintings on the wall were broken, some gone entirely. The shiny floors were dull, pieces of splintered wood littering across it threatening to pierce the bare feet or anyone who dares tread here. The windows were dusty, the room devoid of any life. If Tamlin was living here, it was hard to tell.

You wandered over to the end of the table that didn’t have dust on it. A kettle sat there, along with a singular cup that hadn’t been washed yet. Gingerly, you reached out your hand to touch it, and the metal was still slightly warm against your skin.

Well, at least you knew somebody was home.

“Tamlin?” You called out once again.

A heavy set of footsteps sounded from the stairwell in response. You turned to face them, and watched as the High Lord of the Spring Court descended.

His blonde hair was shaggy and as lifeless as the room around him, and a layer of scruff had grown around his face. The green eyes that had shone with kindness when you last saw them were haunted, looking at you like Daeron had – as if you were a ghost. Not that he looked much better than one himself.

“High Lord.” You greeted him, bowing your head. No matter what state his manor was in, he still remained the leader of your court, and you would at least try and show him respect.

“(Y/N)?” Tamlin rasped as if he hadn’t used his voice in weeks. The bags under his eyes were accentuated in the dusty light of the room.

“It’s me.” You said quietly. Tamlin only blinked.

“I thought you were dead.” He said in a monotone voice. “Your village burned.”

You sucked in a breath. “Did you come looking for me?” Maybe the Night Court’s reports were wrong, and he did come looking. Part of you hoped he had, that the strong High Lord you had known was still in there. But your plan rested upon Tamlin not caring enough to go to the massacred villages.

Tamlin laughed heartlessly in response. “No, I didn’t.” He said. “Everyone’s dead. Or gone. Too hard to keep track, there’s no point.”

Part of you was angry at him for not caring, but the other part was sad. The male you admired growing up, had always thought would protect you, didn’t care enough to see if you were dead or alive. Feyre’s damage to the Spring Court was more extensive than you realized, and it filled you with rage.

“So you’ve just given up then, is that it?” You questioned. Rhysand had warned you that Tamlin was unstable and violent, but all you saw now was a broken male who had lost his desire to fight. “You knew me well, and when you heard my village was slaughtered you didn’t even come to see for yourself?”

“My reports said there were no survivors, what else would I have done?” Tamlin snapped, gazing at something in the distance that wasn’t there. “Clearly they were wrong. How did you get out, (Y/N)? And why are you here after all this time?”

“My family is gone.” You said quietly, causing Tamlin’s gaze to return to you. “Everyone is gone. I barely got out, and it took me a while to heal on my own. I could have healed faster if you had come, but I laid low for a while. I wasn’t sure if Hybern was gone, but yesterday I gathered what I could and came here.”

There were a few minutes of silence, both of you staring at each other. Whether or not he knew you were lying, you couldn’t tell – or even if he cared. Tamlin simply looked empty, a husk of his former self.

“I am sorry.” He muttered before turning to go.

“I have nowhere else to go.” You pleaded, hoping he’d let you stay. The High Lord didn’t even spare you a glance.

“Make yourself at home, there’s plenty of space.” Was all he said before retreating back up the staircase.

If Rhysand really thinks he’s a threat, he’s insecure or just plain stupid. You thought bitterly. Yes, Tamlin had made major mistakes that made you lose respect for him – locking up Feyre was beyond wrong, and you knew it. Letting Hybern in was wrong, although Nesta told you that Feyre had sent Tamlin a letter saying to stop trying to get her back, yet as far as Tamlin knew, Feyre was still illiterate. Therefore, it wouldn’t be hard for him to assume that Rhysand was behind the letter.

The High Lord of Spring wasn’t perfect, he had let his trauma from Under the Mountain cloud his judgment and Feyre paid the price for it. But he did not deserve this, he did not need to have his court wiped out from under him to learn his lesson.

You would make Feyre pay, if only to see the look on the Inner Circle’s faces when they realized what you had done.

*********************

You had chosen a room a few doors down from Tamlin’s, right next to Lucien’s chambers. With the help of a few remaining servants, you had dusted and cleaned the room, changing the old sheets to fresh ones. It would be your first night back in the Spring Court in almost six months, you realized. It made your chest ache as you thought of your friends and family. There would be no more river picnics with them or afternoon teas, no more lounging in the fields with your mother…

A tear found its way down your cheek, but you quickly swept it away and opted to get ready for bed. After changing into a nightgown, you laid on the soft mattress, gently resting your fingers on the tattoo on your chest. It was warm to the touch, as if begging to have its magic used.

Nesta? You thought, not quite sure of how to reach her.

(Y/N?) Her reply came into your head after a few seconds. Can you hear me?

I can hear you. The spell worked.

Clearly. Are you okay? Did you make it to Spring?

Yes. It’s a mess here. Tamlin isn’t even trying to keep it together. I don’t think he’ll be a problem. The hardest part will be getting Eris on our side.

No, the hardest part was getting you out of Night. And you did it.

I wish I could have taken you with me.

I do too. But it’s not so bad here with just Cassian and the priestesses in the library. I made a friend, Emerie. She’s Illyrian, you’d love her. We’re all training together.

As happy as you were Nesta was getting along well in Night and was having extra support, you couldn’t help the twinge in your chest.

Hey, none of that. Came Nesta’s voice. I still miss you, and I still want to get the hell out of here.

It’s not that, You assured her. I want you to be getting along as best you can be. I’m happy for you, I just wish I was there joining the fun. Wait, you could feel what I felt?

Oh it’s not all fun, trust me. And yes, I could. Apparently the spell does that too. Also Cassian was talking today about how good it was you agreed to do this for them. He was completely clueless.

I don’t think Azriel is clueless, You admitted, tracing the lines of the star. I think he’s onto us in some way. Has he said anything that you know of?

No, not to Cassian at least. But he’s Azriel, it’s his job to be suspicious. If he knew what your intentions were, you wouldn’t be in Spring right now.

True. I feel bad, he hasn’t done anything wrong really. His constant brooding is insufferable, but I got used to him. But I know he’ll probably go running to Rhys the second he gets a crumb of evidence against me.

Probably. Cassian’s genuinely trying to help, he thinks it’s for the best. I wish he would understand and take off the Rhysand blindfold, but unlikely.

I get what you mean. They’ve been friends for centuries, Nesta. I don’t think we’ll be the ones to change that. It’s been a really long day and I have lots of work to do tomorrow so I should probably sleep.

Okay. Goodnight. We’ll talk soon.

The warm light that caressed your chest as you communicated with Nesta faded as the line of communication was cut, and you were left with what felt like a hole in your chest. You missed her more than you wanted to admit, but it gave you all the more reason to get your shit together and start your plan.

*********************

The next few days were spent cleaning up the manor with the servants. You assured them that you didn’t need their help, but they did anyway – clearly wanting something to do other than making tea. Slowly, the manor living room began to come back to life. The broken paintings were taken down, and replaced with hanging flower pots. The dust was mostly gone, a process which left you all sneezing for hours. You didn’t see Tamlin once in the three days you worked on the living room.

“He spends all his time upstairs,” One of the servants told you when you asked about him. “We bring him food, and he’ll eat it sometimes in his room then leave the tray outside. But that’s it.”

After trimming the thorns away and preparing a hot meal with the chef, one of the servants came with a tray.

“It’s ok,” You assured him. “We’ll put it on the table.”

“But, miss,” The servant boy stammered. “The High Lord eats in his room every day.”

You snorted. “He’s the High Lord of the Spring Court and he has work to do, he’s going to dine at the table like a normal lord.” The boy looked pale, frightened at the idea of disrupting his Lord’s routine so you bent down and grabbed the tray from him. “It’s okay, you can go home. I will deal with Tamlin and be fully responsible for dinner, ok?”

The boy nodded with relief, scampering off into the kitchens. Sighing, you grabbed the dishes from the counter and lugged them to the table. You and the chef, Mairon, had prepared a harvest salad for dinner with a side of roasted potatoes, chicken, and freshly baked bread. Your mouth watered as you resisted the urge to bite into it, using great self control to place it on the dining room table and leave it there.

You trudged up the stairs to Tamlin’s room, knocking once on the heavy door. No sound came from inside, so you knocked again. “Tamlin!” You yelled, pounding your first on the wood.

The lock clicked and the door swung open, revealing the still haggard-looking High Lord. “You can leave the tray outside the door.”

“No.” You said stubbornly, sticking your foot in the doorway as he attempted to close it. “You’re High Lord of the Spring Court and you’re going to act like it and come eat dinner with me. Now get a move on, I’ll see you down there.”

You did not wait to see his stunned face as you turned on your heel to head back downstairs. If younger you knew you’d spoken to your High Lord that way, she’d probably faint on the spot. You knew that no amount of gentle coaxing would pull Tamlin out of this place he was in, you just prayed he wouldn’t take your head for your approach.

Entering the dining room once again, you took a seat a few feet down from the head of the table. Worry began to eat away at you – what if Tamlin just stayed in his room and completely ignored you? He can’t protect his court in this state, and he clearly won’t even try. You needed to get him back on track, so he could go back to doing his job. As you began piling food onto your plate, you contemplated how your report to Rhysand and Feyre would go. You decided not to tell them that you were actively trying to help Tamlin regain his strength – they’d see it as a threat. Therefore, you concluded that you would have to make things up in your reports. If all the Night Court received was claims of nothing happening, they’d get suspicious and perhaps investigate themselves and that could not happen. If they figured out you were not only helping Tamlin, but actively trying to find a way out of the Night Court’s grasp, you were dead.

Heavy footsteps snapped you out of your thoughts a few minutes later. To your surprise, the High Lord wordlessly took a seat at the head of the table. He still looked a mess and did not glance at you once, but nonetheless reached forth and began to add food onto his plate.

“You could have at least combed your hair.” You remarked after he took a few bites of salad.

“I came down,” Tamlin mumbled between bites. “Is that not enough for you?”

“No.” You said firmly.

The High Lord paused, turning his emerald gaze towards you in a glare. “Excuse me?”

“Your court fell apart,” Your breath tried not to shake at the boldness with which you spoke to the powerful male. “So what? Move on. Not everyone is gone or dead, some of us are still here. And we are not safe, not without your protection.”

“Thanks to Feyre.” Tamlin hissed, bitterness laced in his voice.

“Yes, and I hate her for it. Whatever happened between you two doesn’t matter, she took her revenge out on the rest of us. I don’t care that you’re upset right now, we are the ones who suffered more. The innocent people of YOUR court who never asked to be dragged into any of this.”

Instead of lashing out at you, either with his words or with those talons that hid beneath his skin, Tamlin simply stared at the table.

“Feyre leaving you does not relieve you of your responsibilities as High Lord,” You continued. “You have a duty to your people to protect them no matter what. There are others like me out there who have had their villages destroyed and everything lost. You need to help them and strengthen your court.”

“And this is the part where you tell me that you can help me with that, I assume?” His laugh was empty, as if he didn’t quite believe you.

“I can.” You promised.

“And why would you do that?”

“Because I remember those three days when I was a young girl that you looked after me while my father was sick. And I’m hoping the compassionate High Lord I knew back then is still in there somewhere.”

The only sound in the room was the crackling of the candles at the table. After a few seconds, Tamlin simply turned back to his plate and shoved food in his mouth. Your heart sank a little at his lack of answer, but you cursed yourself for thinking he would even listen to you in the first place. Angrily, you stabbed a potato with your fork, wondering how the hell you were going to help get the Spring Court back on track before you attempted to leave with Eris.

When the High Lord finished his plate, he gulped down the glass of wine in front of him before standing up. He stood up, looking down at you. “Your help would be appreciated,” He said. “But I cannot promise it will do much good. You are, however, welcome to try as you see fit. We have nothing to lose anyways.”

Without waiting for a response, Tamlin left you in the dining room, mind whirling. He had not seemed as enthusiastic as you had hoped, but at least it was something. You were going to help the Spring Court as best you could, with or without Tamlin.

*********************

You ran yourself ragged the next few days, hiring more servants and sentries to help clean the place up. After almost an hour of pestering, you convinced Tamlin to go with some guards to nearby villages to check up on them, offering any aid. Your biggest accomplishment, however, was your idea to turn the manor into a sanctuary. It had dozens of empty rooms, and with many citizens displaced by the recent events, you convinced Tamlin to use this space as a shelter for them. Therefore, when he traveled to the villages again next week, he could offer those who were suffering a place to stay.

The manor’s preparation took a ton of work. Tamlin hardly helped, still preferring to just sulk in his room, but he had given you authority to run the minor things in the manor in his stead. The gardens were being replenished to provide more produce, the windows repaired and skylights fixed, and the floors were polished and finally cleaned. By the third day, it looked less like a haunted house and more like the beautiful manor you had known growing up.

It was on the evening of the third day when you composed your first report to the Night Court. Azriel had provided you with a special set of ink and parchment that you would write on, and the ink would disappear after 15 seconds and the message would be received by the Spymaster. You had spent all of dinner planning exactly what you wanted to say, and decided on a mix of truth and lies. The letter had read:

I arrived at the manor on Sunday – there were almost no guards, and the ones who were there did not care. Tamlin greeted me, he was a bit suspicious but didn’t seem to care much. I have not seen him leave the manor since. He has let me stay here. I surveyed the whole place like you taught me and aside from a few beds in the servants quarters, the manor shows no signs of anyone else being here. I will keep you updated if anything changes.

When the ink disappeared, you had let out a breath. You had left out everything about the manor turning into a sanctuary, an attempt at rebuilding the trust between the citizens and their High Lord. You had just prayed Azriel wasn’t also spying on the Spring Court and would see you were lying.

The next day, you decided to help wash all the sheets in the manor. Taking the basket of wet material from the servant, you lugged it outside where you had set up clotheslines. It was peaceful, with everyone else mostly at the other end of the manor organizing the dining hall, you were mostly alone in the gardens.

Sighing, you gently shook the soft sheets and placed them over the line to dry. It was methodical, a simple mundane task that brought you peace. At the House of Wind, servants had done everything for you, no doubt also acting as spies meant to keep an eye on you and Nesta. You missed the freedom, the autonomy of something as simple as doing your own laundry.

Halfway through the basket, a sudden wave of dread made your entire body go cold, despite the warm sunlight.

“What the…” You gasped, heart racing all of a sudden. Dropping the sheet in your hands, you stared down as a white glow began to peek through your lilac dress. “No, no no no!”

Frantically, you pressed your hands against it, whipping your head back and forth to see if anyone could see you. You cried out as your entire body went ice cold, as if submerged underwater. Your ankle burned like it was being grasped tightly, and whatever it was would not let go.

You remembered what Nesta said when you asked her if the tattoo from your bond would always glow: No. Only when the other is in danger.

Nesta was in danger, you realized. And you were feeling what she was feeling at that moment. Your lungs ached, and you realized the sensation you were experiencing was drowning.

Where is she that she’s drowning? You wracked your brain trying to think of bodies of water in the Night Court that she may be in. But nothing came up, you could only sit there hyperventilating, glowing from your sternum as the magic between you and the eldest Archeron sister consumed you.

“Nesta!” You cried out, gagging before throwing up thick, sludgy water. It splattered on the ground before you like black ink, unforgiving against the soft green grass.

And then it stopped, and the light faded. Everything was quiet, and you felt an eerie calmness washing over you. The air flooded back into your lungs, but your panic was gone – everything was. You stood up, but didn’t feel it – it was like you were not in control of your own body, like someone was pulling the strings for you. But still you felt no panic, no pain, simply nothing. You remained standing in the gardens of the Spring Court, staring into the nothingness. And then the emptiness subsided, and everything came rushing back. You cried out, collapsing into the grass as everything faded to black.

*********************

A soft light crept into your vision as you cracked open your eyelids. Everything was hazy, and your body ached. You looked around as your vision cleared up – you were no longer in the gardens, but in a bed in the healing ward of the manor. The room was empty, save for a table littered with ointments and medicines, and a chair across from you that currently sat a bulking, blonde male.

“Tamlin?” You croaked, voice raw as if you had been screaming.

“(Y/N),” The High Lord sat up, green eyes boring into you. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. What happened?”

Tamlin leaned forward, not blinking once as he stared down at you. “I heard you scream, so I came out just in time to see you collapse. I brought you in here, but not before I saw the black water on the ground in front of you. Water which definitely does not come from Spring Court.”

You froze, blood running cold as you tried to remember Azriel’s training about what to do if you got confronted. “I…” You stammered nervously before Tamlin interrupted.

“Spare me any lies, they will do you no good.” He growled. “I know where that water comes from, what dark magic and curses it holds. It magically appears right in front of where you collapsed, after you so miraculously waltzed back in here after months and generously offered to help me.”

“I know how this probably looks-”

“Then you have one chance to tell me what the hell is going on here, (Y/N), or I will get it out of you myself.”

You fiddled with your fingers, debating what to do. Either you could come up with the most miraculous lie of your life and somehow sell it to Tamlin, like Azriel taught you, or you could just say to hell with it and tell him the truth. If you told him the truth, he may not believe you and just lock you up – either way, that could end up with him confronting the Night Court about them sending in a spy. Whether or not you told him you had your own agenda it did not matter, either you betrayed the Inner Circle now to save your own skin, or still pretend to side with them and risk them feigning innocence and abandoning you to face Tamlin’s wrath.

So you decided with the truthful option. “Everything I am about to tell you is the whole truth,” You began slowly, sitting up stiffly. “I swear on my life. Please, hear me out fully.”

Tamlin said nothing, still glaring, but nodded. Taking a deep breath, you began your story. “When my village was destroyed, Lucien found me barely alive. He brought me to the Night Court, since that’s where he was staying. They healed me, but kept me locked up because I was from the Spring Court and they were worried I was sent as revenge for Feyre’s destruction. My first interaction with the High Lord and Lady was…unpleasant. I hated them both, especially Feyre, because they were the reason I lost everything. Feyre may not have killed my family, but she destroyed our court enough to let Hybern do the rest for her. I called them out on it, and they sent me to the House of Wind. I was not allowed to leave, I don’t think they knew what to do with me.

“I met Nesta Archeron there. They had locked her there too, Tamlin. They did the same thing to her that you did to Feyre. We were trapped with no way out unless we wanted to comply with the Night Court’s wishes. After a few weeks we started to speak to each other, and eventually we….. we became friends. She defended me when the Inner Circle arrived for dinner and tried to persuade me to spy on you in return for them saving me. I refused, and Nesta and I became closer after that. We agreed that we needed to get out of the Night Court, so we formed a plan. We staged a fight so that the Inner Circle would think we had grown distant, and I eventually agreed to train with Azriel, and she with Cassian. I agreed to come to Spring under the guise of spying on you, but I swear that is not what I intend. I’ve only sent them one report so far, and all I said was that nothing was happening.”

Tamlin narrowed his eyes. “So you’re admitting to spying on me, then.”

“No, you fool,” You snapped. “Were you not listening? I was lying to them. I would never betray Spring for Night, not after what they did to us. I’m feeding them misinformation to keep them off your back as best I can, at least until it’s time for the rest of the plan.”

“The plan which you better start explaining right now.” Tamlin growled. “Because I don’t see how any of this fits together.”

“Nesta had mentioned that Cassian met with Eris by the border just inside the Spring Court. Which you would know if you cared enough to actually monitor it. I’ve known Eris a long time, and have reason to believe that he could help Nesta and I be free from the Night Court. He hates the Inner Circle almost as much as we do, and would gladly take us in, even if only to rub it in their faces. The plan was that I would agree to pretend to be a spy in the Spring Court so I could get to Eris, since he seems to be here regularly without you knowing. Then I will convince him to help us out, and we can finally be free.”

“So let me get this straight,” Tamlin said, brows furrowed. “You’re double crossing the Night Court for revenge, and trusting you’ll be able to get Eris Vanserra of all people to help you out? What makes you think he won’t just sell you back to them? He’s a cruel, sadistic bastard who shouldn’t be trusted.”

“I know the risks, Tamlin.” You replied, taking another deep breath. “But I don’t care. I will do anything to be free from the Night Court.”

“But you are here. You’re home. You got out already, is that not good enough?”

“I am not leaving Nesta there alone. I have to go back for her.”

A few moments of silence encompassed the room. Your heart raced – you had no idea if Tamlin even believed you. Admittedly, your story was outrageous, even to you. So much had happened within the past few months, you didn’t even know if you would believe yourself if you heard this story. So you sat there, fiddling with the corner of the bedsheet as Tamlin’s immovable gaze stared you down.

“You care about Nesta.” He said quietly.

“I lo…” You stammered. “I care about her a lot. She helped me through literal hell and I cannot just leave her there to end up as another pawn in Rhysand’s games. Nesta deserves better than that, and so do I.”

“And how do I know that you are not making this up?” Tamlin asked. “Granted, it would be an impressive lie. But Rhysand is known to play cruel mind games and mess with one’s memory. And with Feyre apparently having that same ability, I want to believe you (Y/N) but I have to be sure.”

You took another shaky breath. “Nesta and I did a spell,” You began. “An old spell that she found in a book. It gave us a daemati-like line of communication to each other, and was binded by a tattoo on our chests. It glows when the other is in danger, and that’s what happened earlier. We think that in some ways, we can feel what the other is feeling through it. I felt Nesta drowning earlier, and I think I collapsed when she lost consciousness.”

Tamlin frowned. “So is she dead then?”

“No,” You almost shouted. “No, she’s not. I can’t explain it, but I can feel that she’s alive.”

“Interesting, it’s almost as if…” Tamlin muttered, shaking his head before trailing off. “Never mind that. This magic spell, this tattoo…. show me.”

You nodded, closing your eyes and searching for that string that bound you to Nesta. Within a void of darkness you felt it call out to you like the sweetest song, leading you towards its light. So you followed, reaching out your mind to that cord before grabbing onto it and letting its warmth consume you.

Opening your eyes, you were met with a glow peeking through your dress. Tamlin’s face went white as he stared at the mark, visible through the thin fabric of the gown. “Impossible…” He muttered.

“Do you believe me now?” You asked before whispering the disappearing phrase. “Evanescere.”

The glow faded, leaving Tamlin stunned. “I believe you,” He said softly. “I just don’t know what to do now, or what this means for my court. If Rhysand is spying on me, I have every right to confront him about it. But then that puts you at risk, and I am not willing to do that.”

“Thank you.” You whispered, relieved. “I know this is a tough spot for you. You have every right to be angry with them and confront them right now, but I promise it will be worth the wait. I fully intend on letting them know everything I’ve done when I am free, and I will leave you out of it. They do not know that I am helping you now, so when they realize that your court is strong again thanks to me, it will be the cherry on top of everything else we have planned.”

“There’s more to the plan?” Tamlin sighed, exasperated.

“Yes, but it is solely my and Nesta’s own vengeance we will carry out,” You assured him. “You need not know what it is, and I promise you it will not bring harm to the Spring Court. You have my word.”

“You hate them that much?”

“Yes, but not just because of what they did to us. I see the Inner Circle on a mountain of wealth while their people suffer and starve if they do not live in Rhysand’s favourite city, building castle after castle. I hear stories of women being sold and tortured by their families in the Court of Nightmares while their High Lord does nothing to help them, even though his Third in command is a survivor from that very court. I know that the High Lady flies around flaunting her Illyrian wings she shapeshifts into while hundreds and thousands of Illyrian females get their own wings clipped and are kept for breeding while the High Lord and Lady do nothing to stop it because they prefer keeping their pigheaded military leaders happy over the safety and lives of all the females in their court. I look at the Inner Circle and see a group who could do so much good for their Court, but refuse not to because they want to live in their own special bubble, rest of their court be damned. I see a High Lady who is not qualified for the job and only has it because she is mated to Rhysand. I see a High Lord who loves his found family so much he would let the rest of his court burn to keep them happy. Qualities which make for a romantic story, but a shitty leader. That, Tamlin, is why I hate them. And why I cannot wait to see their faces when they realize not everyone wants to bow to Rhysand.”

After your ramble, you took a shaky breath, sipping the cup of water from the nightstand beside you. Your anger you had suppressed for the past week was fired up, a rage that you had burned with for months now and thought you had pushed down enough in the peacefulness of home. But you knew that it would not go away, at least not until you had gotten your revenge.

“I understand your anger, and agree with you completely.” Tamlin said after a few moments before standing up. “The Night Court needs to be humbled. But I will take no part in your plan other than turning a blind eye to whatever you need to do. I have my own bone to pick with the High Lord and Lady, but I will not drag you into it. For now, rest. We will figure this shit out later.”

He left you in the room to sleep, but it would not come. Letting Tamlin in on everything was not part of the plan, but strangely enough it pulled a weight off your chest. You didn’t need to sneak around him anymore. Maybe he could even help you, if you needed it. At least he knew of your plans now and wouldn’t think you were betraying or abandoning him when the time came for you to leave.

Rearranging the pillow, you tossed and turned, desperately trying to reach Nesta.

Nesta? Are you okay?

Nothing. No response, no feeling from the other end of your connection. You knew she was still alive – something deep inside of you knew that you’d be able to tell if she was dead, but her presence lingered somehow. Perhaps she’s just busy. You tried to assure yourself. Eventually, exhaustion overcame you, and you fell into a haunted sleep, plagued by images of dark water and something golden glowing beneath it.

*********************

It had been two days since your conversation with Tamlin, and two days of not hearing from Nesta. You tried to push your worries aside, comforted by the fact that nothing in your chest had snapped indicating she was dead. Wherever she was, you would find her. Even if you had to go to the ends of the earth to do it.

To your delight, the manor’s progress had continued splendidly. More guards were in training, sentries roamed the grounds once again, and servants bustled about. Tamlin had even combed his hair and shaved, which you thanked the Mother for. A few lesser fae from the nearby towns wandered into the manor grounds escorted by sentries. You could tell they were nervous, eyes wide as they saw the High Lord waiting to greet them by the gates. But Tamlin simply smiled, welcoming them warmly and leading them into the manor. After settling in one of the guest rooms, which had been converted to accommodating four people, the first group of citizens joined you for lunch. They practically gasped when they saw that the High Lord would be dining with them, but Tamlin simply gestured for them to sit down and enjoy the vast array of food the cooks had prepared. You could tell his cheer was still more forced than natural, but you were happy that he was making the effort. It was a step in the right direction.

With Tamlin’s guidance, you wrote another report to Azriel a few days later. It said that nothing had changed, except that Tamlin had begun making more appearances to prepare for the Spring Equinox in a few weeks. You sent it off, smirking at yourself.

“I need a break,” You said after the ink disappeared on the parchment. “I’m going for a walk.”

“I’ll come with you.” Tamlin offered as you grabbed your shawl.

“Absolutely not,” You argued. “You have guests to host. You just patrolled the forest so I know it’s safe. I’ll be fine.”

The High Lord opened his mouth to argue, but closed it and simply nodded. You organized your papers before closing the door to your room and heading out in the direction of the forest.

You wandered through the paths, lost in your own thoughts. No word from Nesta still, but you clung onto the fact you knew she was alive. It was all you had keeping you together, thankfully, and you would not fall apart. So you distracted yourself with mentally planning tomorrow’s schedule – what documents needed to be signed and sent out, inventory of supplies, and organizing a meeting to discuss using funds collected from that year’s Tithe to build secure shelters across the Court for those who had lost their homes to Hybern’s armies. It was a brilliant plan, you gave yourself credit. One of the best parts of your revenge was knowing that Feyre had not destroyed the Spring Court, and you longed to see the look on her face when she realized that not only was it coming back stronger than ever, but that it was the perfect example of how leaders should help their people.

Suddenly, a twig snapped a few feet ahead of you, pulling you from your thoughts. You blinked, taking in your surroundings – you were at the old oak tree several miles near the Autumn Court border, not realizing you wandered so far. Reaching under your dress, you slid out the dagger you kept strapped to your thigh as footsteps approached. Your heart raced, praying it wasn’t one of Amarantha’s lingering beasts – while Azriel taught you a lot, you were still no match for a monster.

Instead of a lurking monster, a slender and beautiful figure emerged from the shadows of the tree, red hair elegantly tied back and lips stretched into a smirk you’d recognize from anywhere.

“Why hello there, darling.” Came the velvety voice of Eris Vanserra. “This is quite a surprise, isn’t it?”

-------------------------------- 

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