#I think I'm back in the swing of things
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earlier this year I started writing a comic about the siege perilous-grail quest situation after finally finishing the didot perceval, and it started circling around kay and perceval. kay as gatekeeper, taboo anxiety vs chivalry, and perceval not doing things "correctly," arthur's enduring affection for kay. that general area. also the horror of the grail quest itself.
this is comic is part of that narrative arc, so with THAT in mind: this is an abridged scene of a longer arc revolving around kay associating camelot with a cage, perceval's associations with jewelry and knighthood and the color red, and arthur's relationship with kay.
[some other scene context: perceval has injured his hand and can't participate in the tournaments, so he's craving some kind of fight. kay is disinterested in replying to this challenge, but he's not above reminding perceval of their first meeting. it's just mean enough in a weird-intimate kind of way that perceval's like, ok so we're doing the antagonistic version of court romance rituals. he picks up hunting because kay can't leave the castle.]
on the subtext of jewelry:
Clothes Make the Man: Parzival Dressed and Undressed, M.D. Amey
on the topic of kay, gatekeeping, and taboo anxiety:
Cei and the Arthurian Legend, Linda Gowans
the whole Red Knight/Perceval Shows Up In A Dead Man's Suit Of Armor transgression-situation (which kay references through red jewelry) mentioned is told in both de Troye's and Wolfram's Perceval narratives :)
anyway! to close out all this out: the transgressions. incredible! what is camelot but a bunch of transgressions stacked on top of each other tbh.
#i wanted to do some kind of siege perilous-grail quest horror comic after watching bresson's lancelot and i think#after several years. i figured out what kind of story i want it to be#like it no longer feels abstract i can see the story core and now i have to hack away at the clay to see if i can make a figure out of it#HEUGH. okay. i'm gonna wrap this up here. ive been Very Under The Weather lately in some kind of way#trying to get back in the swing of things. but augh. eugh. they need to invent a kind of body that doesnt fall to pieces#the minute it gets slightly less sun than usual like vitamin supplements only go so far. awful flesh prison experience#komiks tag#long post#knights knights knights!
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He tells himself that he was in no way infatuated with you what so ever. Not a bit. Has to constantly convince himself within his messy mindset that he was or is, no way obligated to willingly shun his looming presence with yours. None.
But how is it that he now finds himself nestled ever so comfortably in the softness of your cushioned couch. One arm toppled behind his head as the other pets gently, lazily along the prickling fur of your adorable pup resting on him. Eyes closed softly, as his mind now warps solely on you, from your beautiful beaming smile to the supple adorable giggles that swarm his cold heart. It astonishes him of how more frequent you come to his blundering mind, easing him from the overbearing stress that weighs down on him from the insisting impairment of protecting the multiverse.
And you, lurking just at the start of your hallway, lean against the solid wall beside you, cross your arms and smile giddily at the adorable sight bestowing before you. You'd carefully walk over to the two napping babies, bringing a cozy, thick throw over the snoozing companions embracing each others company.
You'd simply, delicately brush some of his gorgeous, thick loose strands of mahogany from his peaceful, stunning face. Thoroughly admiring every intricate, atoning detail that strung along the perfect structure of his restful face.
Absentmindedly, without any realization and lost into the sheer beauty his relaxed face had to offer — you could feel the supple tender of his warm, plush lips graze just ever so softly against the pad of you index finger. A low, inaudible gasp shimmies down the juncture of your throat, blinking rapidly, your eyes gaze down to the placement of your wandering fingertips. A feeble, radiating heat slowly absorbing into your plush cheeks. A low, rumbled chuckle bounces against the flush of your inquisitive digit, igniting a fervent pace of your puttering heart.
Your lashes flutter rapidly, dilated irises now met with a beautiful set of glossed carmine. A playful glint of soft coy and amusement clearly shining through those gorgeous, ruby globes. A gentle touch of his large hand wraps ever so carefully around your slim wrist, pushing his lips more intimately against the warm flesh of your tensed finger. His eyes never wavering from your stunned, embarrassed expression.
How cute.
His own long, thick fingers playing along the silky skin of your trembling wrist. Emits another amused chuckle, pressing another light kiss to your finger.
"You know it's rude to interrupt a mans sleep, cariño"
#idek what this is but I couldn't stop thinking about it#slowly trying to ease back into the swing of things!#also I'm sorry for this not making much sense kinda...wrote this half asleep lmaooo#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara#atsv
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books read in 2025 🤍
books read so far: 89 reading goal: 100
as always, askbox + dms are open if have any questions or would like to chat about books! you can find me on goodreads here, and on bookstagram here. 🤍
♡ indicates any new favorites; ⊹ indicates a reread.
january ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. writers & lovers by lily king 2. the art of memory collecting: 15 scrapbook, collage, trinket and zine projects for crafting treasured moments by martina calvi 3. tom lake by ann patchett (audiobook) ♡ 4. our town by thornton wilder ⊹ 5. beloved by toni morrisson 6. promise me sunshine by cara bastone (arc) ♡ 7. days at the morisaki bookshop by satoshi yagisawa & translated by eric ozawa ♡ 8. small things like these by claire keegan (audiobook) 9. beartown by fredrik backman ♡
february ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. the fellowship of the ring by j.r.r. tolkien (audiobook) 2. i'll pretend you're mine by tashie bhuiyan (arc) 3. sense and sensibility by jane austen ⊹ (audiobook) 4. the lonely city: adventures in the art of being alone by olivia laing (audiobook) 5. everything i learned, i learned in a chinese restaurant by curtis chin (audiobook) 6. tiny moons: a year of eating in shanghai by nina mingya powles 7. sorcery of thorns by margaret rogerson (audiobook) ♡ 8. more days at the morisaki bookshop by satoshi yagisawa ♡ 9. mysteries of thorn manor by margaret rogerson
march ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. an enchantment of ravens by margaret rogerson (audiobook) 2. white ice: race and the making of atlanta hockey by thomas aiello 3. lost and lassoed by lyla sage 4. holy terrors by margaret owen (arc) 5. swift and saddled by lyla sage 6. circe by madeline miller (audiobook) 7. a dark and drowning tide by allison saft (audiobook) 8. intermezzo by sally rooney (audiobook) ⊹ 9. my side of the river by elizabeth camarillo gutierrez (audiobook) 10. four weekends and a funeral by ellie palmer ♡ 11. the bell jar by sylvia plath (audiobook) 12. the break-up pact by emma lord 13. love lettering by kate clayborn 14. the partner plot by kristina forest 15. the rom-commers by katherine center 16. emily wilde's compendium of lost tales by heather fawcett (audiobook) 17. dolls of our lives: why we can't quit american girl by mary mahoney & allison horrocks (audiobook)
april ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. you between the lines by katie naymon 2. my not so perfect life by sophie kinsella 3. a quantum love story by mike chen (audiobook) 4. the siren of sussex by mimi matthews 5. the love wager by lynn painter (audiobook) 6. you belong with me by mhairi mcfarlane (audiobook) 7. puck and prejudice by lia riley 8. swept away by beth o'leary 9. great big beautiful life by emily henry (arc) 10. second first impressions by sally thorne (audiobook) 11. i who have never known men by jacqueline harpman ♡ 12. the belle of belgrave square by mimi matthews 13. the kiss countdown by etta easton 14. lovelight farms by b.k. borison 15. the wedding people by alison espach (audiobook) 16. the ex vows by jessica joyce 17. deep cuts by holly brickley 18. remember me? by sophie kinsella 19. here we go again by alison cochrun (audiobook) 20. the most wonderful crime of the year by ally carter (audiobook) 21. mistakes we never made by hannah brown 22. when you least expect it by haley cass (audiobook) 23. pitcher perfect by tessa bailey (arc) 24. the next chapters: an on the same page novella by haley cass (audiobook) 25. on the same page by haley cass 26. it happened one fight by maureen lee lenker 27. hello stranger by katherine center 28. ps: i hate you by lauren connolly 29. the rose bargain by sasha peyton smith (audiobook) 30. out on a limb by hannah bonam-young 31. make the season bright by ashley herring blake (audiobook) 32. flirting with disaster by naina kumar 33. first-time caller by b.k. borison 34. welcome to the hyunam-dong bookshop by hwang bo-reum, shanna tan (translator) 35. funny story by emily henry ⊹ 36. the guest cat by takashi hiraide, eric selland (translator)
may ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚
1. evenings and weekends by oisín mckenna (audiobook) 2. the dragon's promise by elizabeth lim (audiobook) 3. the examiner by janice hallett 4. i want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki by baek se-hee, anton hur (translator) 5. the manor of dreams by christina li (arc) 6. lonely castle in the mirror by mizuki tsujimura (audiobook) ♡ 7. john proctor is the villain by kimberly belflower ♡ 8. the crucible by arthur miller, christopher w.e. bigsby (audiobook) ⊹ 9. in a not so perfect world by neely tubati alexander (audiobook) 10. the vanished birds by simon jimenez 11. time is a mother by ocean vuong 12. promise me sunshine by cara bastone ⊹ 13. straight white men / untitled feminist show by young jean lee 14. before we forget kindness by toshikazu kawaguchi, geoffrey trousselot 15. passion project by london sperry 16. the killer question by janice hallett (arc) 17. the cat who saved books by sōsuke natsukawa, louise heal kawai 18. bibliophobia: a memoir by sarah chihaya (audiobook)
#post: 2025 reading thread#hello coconation i am trying to get back into the swing of things!!#i have knocked off 3/25 books on my 25 in 2025 list so far <3#i can see why people love writers & lovers! and i think the way lily king wrote about grief really resonated with me#i really liked casey as a character but sometimes i was very frustrated with her i'm not going to lie!#the art of memory collecting ... unfortunately i fell victim to craftok's influences ... and i do not think it really taught me anything ne#but it is very pretty and i'm sure i'll look at it if i need inspo or something ... in the future ... at some point. ... maybe.#tom lake. wow oh my. my first ann patchett and i adored it; a beautifully written book made even better by meryl streep's audio narration#slower paced than what i'd normally enjoy but i never lost interest + honestly felt like one of the girls themselves#just sitting and listening to a story of my mom's past + trying to figure out what was next and trying to get a better understanding of her#and her choices it was just so brilliant and i loved it so#and then of course i had to reread our town <333333#(and also watch the 1940 film after that but that is not the point here)#i also want to say that it is very clear that ann patchett loves our town + molded tom lake around it in a very careful + tender way#and then i read beloved by toni morrison and i had chills the entire time and it was brilliant & i will be thinking about it for a long tim
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normally I don't bother questioning when a high fantasy is all "ooh the prophesied one will break the world or save it" bc that's what high fantasy is for. don't worry about it, focus on the journey, we'll get to the prophecy when we get to it. but this show has got me wondering what that even means.
the innkeeper who served the Dark said that the Dragon could break the Wheel so that there would be no more suffering, no war or famine or poverty. and the Wheel, we have been told many times, is the Wheel of reincarnation and of fate. It's the metaphor for how all of history has a cyclical bent to it, and it's a real religious belief that souls return to the world many times to live many lives.
how do you break that Wheel such that there is no more suffering? you can't bring about a perfect utopia by breaking such a Wheel. the two concepts just aren't connected at all. the only way I can see is to just......end everything. to live is to suffer, right? there's no suffering if everyone is dead.
kind of a defeatist cause to pledge yourself to, really.
#wheel of time#finx watches tv#there's also the thing where everyone says the last dragon broke the world#........are the dragon and the dark one the same person? bc they've just said the dark one poisoned the one power so men can't touch it#that counts as breaking the world I think. he stuck a wrench in the fundamental underpinnings of reality#but I have also seen spoilers about that imply this was once a more high-tech world similar to ours#and then presumably the dragon removed electricity or something#.....how WOULD you go about removing modern technology from the world?#in so permanent a way that centuries(?) later it's still gone?#technology is just applied knowledge#you can turn every wire in the world to ash and burn every library#but still there will be people who remember that electricity can be channeled#and they will eventually rebuild those technologies#I have read a series where Magic and Tech were inherently inimical forces#and the pendulum of the world swung between them over the centuries#man could push too far in one direction or another such that the opposing force all but disappeared from the world#and then it would crash back with a vengeance and start literally corroding all things made by its enemy power#so when the Magic swings back in it eats away at skyscrapers#and when the Tech swings back it erodes the palaces of mage-kings#however. I don't think that's what's happening here.#because if the last dragon was born into a world with tech#then a world with tech is a world that can birth a wizard who can sunder the world#anyway. I'm sure they'll tell us evenutally#I'm just wondering at it is all
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fortnite duos can really give you whiplash
#live laugh love potassius peels <3#fortnite#potassius peels#peely#korra#legend of korra#i think we're gonna have to kill this guy#ik the meme's a little outdated but this was a request#and also it's still funny#also wow it's been ages huh#fanart#digital fanart#meme#i guess#idk how to tag joke art#ignore every hand in this drawing#i have legit not actually drawn since that alan wake stuff i did months ago#i'm serious i haven't touched the program#i need to get back into the swing of things cuz my ability to draw HAS atrophied#i've never watched legend of korra and drew her almost entirely from memory i'm sorry ;;
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Oh I need to manhandle his waist into next week.
#thrist aside the way this scene is talked about is so interesting#so often it's used in arguments attacking or defending Jayce but I rarely see this specific moment brought up#Because we see him fully hesitate mid swing before he's about to strike down#before he goes ahead and does so#Maybe I'm on the wrong side of the fandom because I never see this talked about in more detail than 'Jayce made hextech weapons despite xyz'#whether you think the fact that he was conflicted about it makes his actions better or worse is up to you#But when it's just brushed over for the sake of acting as though there were no reservations in his mind#Takes away from both his actions and character#alas that's not an uncommon thing to happen in this fandom#Idk maybe people do talk about it and I haven't come across them yet#but it's interesting to think about#the implications about the thoughts behind his actions#many thoughts head stuffed#also the suspension of disbelief needed here is amusing#Babygirl with that back injury are you even capable of lifting your hands above your head let along forging??#and you haven't re-opened you wound at ALL???#love that for him#jayce talis
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I feel like my crowdfunder ended and I immediately retreated into The Pit. I am alive in here I've just been writing a huge amount of vampires and also editing a novel and it's been nice to have a bit of distance after spending the whole of the crowdfunder very Out There, but I'll be back next week with Enthusiasm. Hopefully.
#trying to summon Good Posting Vibes#I'm not a natural poster#I need to get back on my graphics producing bullshit it'll help me get back into the swing of things I think
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watcha reading?
here we go! I went a long stretch where I wasn't reading much fic at all but I've been catching up lately (the past week fjdkslj) (I've been tagged in this a couple times I think but I can't recall by who I've just had this draft in progress for a while I'm SORRY :/ )
Anyway, It's About Old Friends by @fragilecapric0rnn - endlessly complex and such a feast of character dynamics and the way they shift and change and grow over time, I cannot recommend this one enough, it's the post-UD When Harry Met Sally AU that you NEED in your life
god has never loved a woman the way I do by @judasofsuburbia - the second part in a wild west au series that is so full and real and unbelievably tender that I simply don't know what to do with myself about it. For both parts (Steddie pt. 1 and Ronance pt. 2) there is so much beautiful rumination on the nature of choice for these people and the simultaneous risk and worthiness of choosing each other like. help me???
and they were roommates by @yournowheregirl - I've only read the first part in this series but I can't wait to dive further into it. Ronance finding that no matter how nervous they were to actually go after each other there is actually so much natural simplicity to touching and feeling and kissing and!!!! joyful PWP for the girls it's what they deserve
never made it to graceland by @cheatghost - beautifully, gorgeously, perpetually ominous first chapter with such perfect Eddie-isms and Munson Family Moments and prose, just the first chapter alone has me feeling deeply fulfilled while still so ready for more. I am a lover of "the world ended but we're still here" and this is already giving me that in DROVES please join me in scratching at the walls about it
I Look to You to See the Truth by @sharpbutsoft the Erica Sinclair coming of age in her freshman year of college-slash- lesbian self discovery story of my DREAMS featuring your favorite idiot4idiot steddie and dearest robin and overall what a delight from start to finish
P.S. if you read and enjoy any of these, spread the love by letting the authors know! the community of fandom thrives when we talk to each other 💜
open tag for anyone who wants to join in on this! say I tagged you and share your newest faves with us, I wanna see 'em!
#this was far from everything on my catch up list but I'm making progress!#(if i started with some of the stuff by my pals on said list don't @ me it's not my fault they're talented)#plus I wanted to post this on the 31st bc I think I wanna make it a monthly rec thing#i have so many things i want to read and share and this feels like a good way to do that now that I'm getting back into the swing of it!#dot post#fic recs#dot recs#steddie#ronance
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Eddie isn't the type to ask what someone is listening to. If they have earbuds in, he'll just pluck one out and put it into his own ear to see.
He stopped that after he took Steve's headphones, thinking it was some pop or Taylor Swift or even music that Eddie would be into.
Turns out Steve does not listen to that stuff
#Fill in the blanks however you'd like#steve harrington#stranger things#eddie munson#joseph quinn#joe keery#joe quinn#steddie#Personally I think Eddie was met with wap or something#Just out of character for sunshine boy#Of course Steve was like “what do you think i listen to??? We always listen to your music”#“I don't KNOW but I didn't expect it to be THIS?????”#don't ask me what this is#I'm just bored#Meaning you guys get fed weird shit#Anyways come get yall juice#“And Jesus is always with me even when my boyfriend gives me hickies 🙏” Steve wtf is this#Don't wanna spit I wanna gulp I wanna gag I wanna choke I want you to touch that little dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat
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Can't wait to tell my therapist that within the week I'm quitting my job, leaving my apartment, traveling across the country for training and then immediately going back to summer camp. She definitely won't think I'm manic.
#i love my therapist#she helps me keep an eye on those unfortunate mood swings#and when i tell her 'yeah im leaving my job and apartment with pretty much no notice. traveling across the country for camp training#and then traveling back to work at camp again. all of which was decided within like a week#im sure she'll be understanding and wont think im manic at all#im not though i promise. sometimes life is just fast paced. nevermind that i like a fast paced life and this is how i thrive tbh#i was worried i didnt know what to talk about at therapy tomorrow but im sure she'll have plenty she wants to discuss with me#im waiting a day or two more before i tell my job and apartment. apartment should be fine. will proba just have to pay next months rent#job is not going to go well. i am giving them literally no notice#and im so sorry but however this job is not fantastic#not teaching me anything and then i am in trouble for not knowing what was not taught. not fun not ideal#i had a nice chat with a friend of mine when i was deciding if i should put myself theough this last minute hectic experience#or stay in my guaranteed settled job and life#she said i have to think about whatll make me happy and if thats a steady life then thats what it is#but if i want to go back to what im passionate about and take that risk then i should if itll make me happy#and before talking to her i knew in my headt that i wanted to go back to camp and was just scared#so im going! I'm putting off telling my job and apartment until its guaranteed guaranteed bcuz im anxious#but it should be okay#i hope#wish me luck! im gonna learn how to run a clinbing wall! and cope things! cope is Challenging Outdoor Personal Experience#and thats what this is going to be for me
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Hi! Hope ur well, just wondering how the galra would feel about ivf and surrogate mothers and such things.
Also, would diabazaal have had any other religious groups or did they have one decided belief
I've actually addressed both Imperial surrogacy, and the Empire's major religious groups (along with a follow-up regarding various funerary rites) before!
I know my blog has rather a lot to comb through at this point, but for those of you not in the know, I //am// a meticulous tagger, so you can notably narrow down my posts to just the worldbuilding ones if you take a gander at #galra history & culture!
#I've just checked and of the 1000+ posts on this blog there are about ~160 filed under my worldbuilding tag#which is still... a rather obscene amount lmao but more manageable by far!#and many of those have little tables / diagrams / visual aids to keep things interesting for you ♡#also yes this is me pushing myself to get back into the swing of things—not only asks but unanswered DMs and ao3 comments too#chapter 25 is legitimately underway i've just found that I'd planned for so much that it's definitely going to have to be split in two-#and also i think i've written myself into a loop of 'A comes before B which comes before C which comes before A' so that's fun#i'm sorry my loves it's been something of A Year and i'm not even sure why#anyway... progress! slowly but surely#as always I deeply appreciate everyone's patience & support ♡♡♡#Ao3 Little Blade#sa screams back#the author speaks
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the thing is though that i actually don't think it was immoral for me to buy the yarn i used to make the yellow shawl because that thing is so heartbreakingly beautiful and perfect that it justifies itself. it is a moral good that i got the yarn i did to make that thing so that it could be the best version of itself instead of a worse version that would have been less silky or less beautifully draped or less luminous in color
#i'm so. fucking. good. at knitting.#this is the best thing i've ever made. i'm so cool.#i have to-- i have to start wearing shawls#i have to change my whole life#i have to start some kind of lifestyle that involves wearing shawls and also displaying them prominently in some kind of public forum#it's the most beautiful thing in the world. i'm god's perfect genius#box opener#it may seem from the contrast in these posts like i am having some kind of severe mood swings but the thing that happened in the interim#is that i took the shawl back out of its protective bag.#i think i can also extrapolate this to justify the two other colors of the same yarn base i own. so that's three yarn skeins that are#not a sign of my fundamental evil. which is good progress.
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#toad vents#i'm trying to get back into the swing of things#but after being sick and getting sick AGAIN (thanks to my lying ass sister -c-) and then just regular depresso behavior on top of it#i just haven't been as productive as i want to#and that pisses me off more than my brain trying to make me sad like all the time (it's really annoying i don't recommend it lol)#like i have a lot of anger rn#some for personal reasons#some silly things that are completely out of my control#and of course the world in general too like jfc#but trying to be a good bean and not let the anger pour over into literally everything i do recently has been a task#like the dessert i made last night tastes like anger instead of cinnamony goodness... coincidence?! i don't think so#same with my art rn it's not made with love atm and i can tell and it's bothering tf outta me#and MAYBE that sounds silly but i don't care#toad rambles#just let me fester for lil bit#i should be back to normal before the next full moon#probs will delete later#i am a whirlwind of disaster today
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desperately need The Batman Part II's main villain to be Roman Sionis/Black Mask, please. I'm on my hands and knees, begging for it
#this thought kept me up at night btw (I wish I was joking but nope I was awake from 2am to like 5am mostly because of this)#currently trying to think of potential actors that would fit the role in Matt Reeves' Batman universe#which is not that easy because I realised that I barely know any actors under 50 lol oops#and he would have to be between 35 and 45 (preferably anyway) because he and Bruce should be around the same age right#unless we'd give him a whole different backstory and what-not#then any actor could play him and boy oh boy do I have dreams#i would prefer keeping some of his original comic elements tho like yeah he has around 50 different backstories now but still#him and Bruce growing up together and Roman hating his guts esp. later on just hits different#especially with Battinson#like can you imagine??? because I can and i need it so fucking badly FUCKKK#my number one choice (for somebody in Battinson's age range) is Finn Wittrock. my goodness he'd be PERFECT#been vibrating out of my skin with that since i realised it today omggg i'm in need#but alas! who knows who the main villain is gonna be. there are a ton of Batman villains to choose from#Twoface would be cool too but is also very common like the Penguin and the Joker and the Riddler and the Scarecrow#and technically Black Mask is common too but also not really because he's barely shown up in any live action stuff yet#and all the ones he was a major part of weren't exactly Batman related (Harley Quinn BoP and Batwoman)#so i'm in desperate need of the actual Bruce Wayne and Roman Sionis thing PLEASE#i might publish my list of potential actors i've thought of so far idk just for fun ya know#also just realised that it's around 2 and a half years till the movie will come out and i'm in shambles#i know it was postponed and stuff but i never quite registered that fact#my Roman Sionis hyperfixation is back in full swing btw rip to meee#like yes it's a constant interest of mine and has been for a little over 5 years now but damn#the fixation has been pretty dormant for a while until recently#can't complain tho because i lovelovelove this character so much i love spending my time and energy on him <3#anywayyy#i need to shut the fuck up omg#roman sionis#black mask#the batman#jesse.talks
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hi hello I am INSANE over the hc/theory that Doomed!Svetla deals with some MAD chronic pain (and other medical issues that she has never really looked into because why would you when you're only trying to survive and plot evil things)
AND I HAVE NOTES TO BACK THAT SHIT UP
By no means am I a medical professional/expert, I'm just a bitch with chronic pain projecting onto this little trencher and going solely off of scars/thoughts on her life for the last few thousand years
Before diving into her scars I'd like to go more into her environment/upbringing and how that could have a major impact on her current physical abilities
By no means is this canon, this is my rat brain being a rat and biting the bars of my cage (very excited for Zagreus and the Titans if you couldn't tell)
First up I want to get more into how she had to raise herself for literally THOUSANDS OF YEARS
Also important to note that YES, while she is 20% hexcore biomatter AND a born mage, she's still 80% human, and that pesky 80% has a lot to say about how she's been living her life
General living/diet
It's very clear that she's malnourished/not eating a balanced diet whatsoever.
Just a few examples of what can happen due to malnutrition, it's pretty obvious why when she's in her human form that magic is her biggest advantage. Otherwise it'd be like fighting a wiry skeleton. Not only that, she's got her big bird size which is more fit for combat/travel
Judging by her physical appearance, there's clear muscle/weight loss, the growth stunt could also be a possible effect (or she's just the short mage that everybody hates lol)
A few more things to tack on here would be the fact if she didn't use magic to heal herself, there would be a significantly longer healing time for any injuries she has, leaving them more susceptible to infection if not treated properly (which they never really were, so it was either leave them to be infected or take care of them with magic)
While being 20% Hexcore could leave her immune to a few things/less affected by, they will still find a way to leave their mark...
Her diet seems to mainly consist on whatever she can hunt/forage, however it clearly was not consistent/stable enough to stay a proper diet, leading to malnutrition.
Overall, it's safe to say that if she didn't have her Herald form or the arcane to back her up, she'd be left as someone who is skin and bones with a lot of anger and a big smart brain.
Now onto her scars!!

(psssst art and character belong to @threeoffucks)
Definitely a lot going on here, so I'm gonna try and interpret them the best I can!!
Arms: obvious self harm going on here, a bad habit of skin picking (most likely a nervous habit/repeated action that could be a form of self soothing despite its harmful nature)
That plus the blast marks left from the Herald in Singularity (STILL HURTS TO THINK ABOUT BTW)
Overall just an eyesore for onlookers, BUT I do want to point out her elbows
Could be another form of skin picking that went too deep, OR could be similar to the knee injuries resulting in repeated abrasion, which could lead to a numbness or tingling, or overall weakened state in the elbows and making moving her arms difficult
Chest: DIY mastectomy (I AM SO GLAD YOU LOVE THE IDEA BTW RAGHHHHHH I LOVE TOP SURGERY SVETLA)
While incredibly badass she did that herself, also incredibly concerning as to recovery time- if there was any -and possible use of the arcane to just heal the wounds instantly
Because let's assume here that Doomed!Svetla does NOT have a medical degree and does not know jack shit about medicine and just went at it with whatever knife was available to her
This one we can say she used the power of the arcane to heal her wounds, leading to an instant recovery (but leaving ugly scars in its wake)
Stomach: now THIS one is interesting because it isn't just directly in the stomach, it's stretched to the sides, and going up towards her lower chest cavity and down her abdomen
TW for guts n stuff (scientific diagram nothing gorey)
It looks like she could have been stabbed in the intestines (by what and who??? No clue) or this could have been another one of the injuries she sustained from just general survival (though highly unlikely due to injury placement AND shape of the scar afterward)
Once again could possibly be another injury that was just miracled better, OR this could be a lasting scar from one of her "resets" (cause of "reset" could be abdominal trauma, severe damage to vital organs)
Knees: repeated abrasion
But what happens to an area of flesh that's subjected to repeated abrasion?
First off it's like
The skin just gets worn down due to continuous scrapes/rubbing, so it's wearing down the skin and it becomes easier to rip open, more likely to leave to infections and takes longer to heal
Unless you're Doomed!Svetla
Then it can be as easy as slapping a magic bandaid on it and BAM you're back
Again, this could just be another eyesore (although colorful), there's essentially just no skin left on those knees and it's just the arcane holding all that together (and spite, a lot of spite)
BUT
A side effect to such things could also lead to chronic pain in this area (especially in the knees, because it's like tattooing your knee, the layers of skin are thinner so it would be like tattooing your bones)
So there is a chance this girl could be suffering from chronic pain in her knees because of this repeated abrasion, because look at this
those knees are fucked and they got no meat to them
They are BEGGING to be put out of their misery
That's not even diving into how old she is, the repeated "resets" and what that could do to her physical body
Like imagine you're just walking around and then one day your fuckass knees decide they want to give out on you because they haven't known proper treatment in millennia
Me too knees, me too
Give her a cane this girl is tired
Nowwwwww onto my favorite part (and the most mysterious)
Back: I have no fucking clue what caused this, honestly this could range from some kind of self experimentation, to an attack from behind
Anything could have happened here
BUT
Looking at the scar, and how it spans out from not just her shoulder blades (muscle AND bone), but it also goes down most of her spine, but mainly the thoracic section of her spine
Because the main point of the damage seems to be on her spine, this could lead to a multitude of things, including (but not limited to):
back pain (general sharp pains/dull aches, worsened with movement)
numbness and tingling in arms and legs
muscle spasms and stiffness
difficulty breathing (because come on that's like real close to the lungs)
radiating pain (mainly in the chest cavity, spine, and arms but could also go down to her legs due to how far down the injury seems to go)
headaches (because it's also so close to her neck and head, there's a chance there could be frequent headaches she's been passing off as dehydration and sleep deprivation)
Now with all of that sciency stuff out of the way
now I can explain my hcs a little better and hopefully they make more sense!!
- she uses the staff as a mobility aid
With all the injuries she has and just a very long time of medical and general self neglect, it's fair to say her body doesn't cooperate with her (unless she's got some kind of arcane boost going on)
Staff would help her with balance, keeping upright when legs start to go numb (or as my roommate calls it "shutting down")
Constantly staying layered up/wrapped in a cloak because she's always cold
This is mainly due to the malnutrition, could also be from previous "resets" and just generally leaving her constantly feeling cold/fatigued
she could not hold her own in a one on one in her human form, thus always going Herald (that and size for ego)
While still incredibly intimidating and still posing a VERY big threat, a lot of her threat points come from her arcane proficiency and Herald form
So you try fighting this peanut she's folding like a lawn chair
That and the fact she's a literal fucking genius with the whole world that she could learn from
Tldr: Doomed!Svetla dealing with malnutrition, chronic pain in spine, shoulder blades and knees, always cold, just get her a place to sit and catch her breath because her ass CANNOT breathe sometime
Edit: thinking more on this
If she doesn't know what's wrong with her, she's using all this magic to just heal herself
How long has she just gone around overworking herself, how many times she's had to walk long distances before just deciding to fly everywhere she could?
The damage done to improperly healed wounds is NASTY
Like somebody takes a look at her and the damage done and lack of proper healing
"Why didn't you come here sooner?!" Would be the biggest question she's faced with and she would sharply snap back with "because I hate you and the entirety of this institute. Give me my bill of health and I'll leave" "okay stand up and walk without the staff for 5 minutes" "how about go fuck yourself"
It would be... difficult to get her to see a doctor and when she finally gets in she's getting a mile long list of things wrong with her (mental illness aside)
And she gives the vibe that even if she's hurting in a bad way, she pushes forward. Like she's too stubborn to just say she needs a break, or needs to sit down. She thinks that's weak and says "I'm fine fuck off" and limps on (everybody is a little disturbed by this sight)
Like girl you have numerous injuries and are littered with scars on top of scars you're actually making things much worse for yourself (and given if she prefers to sleep anywhere BUT a damn bed which is not helping her back in the slightest)
I know her back cracks are loud and gross
Edit 2:
I'm gonna say this now
Scars on both her abdomen and back??
Those look fatal
Like you have a VERY slim chance of surviving the amount of damage she's got to her gut
And her chances are even slimmer given her situation
Her back???
That again
Looks fatal
Like she DIED from sustaining an injury like that
And neither of them look like an accident
Or if they were, they didn't come from her just having a bad fall, or hitting something hard
There was another party involved that was the cause of death (potentially)
Like if the abdomen scar went any higher she'd look like a walking corpse that just got out of her autopsy
#arcane#jupiter's storm#fankid#not my oc#svetla#ramblings#this is so long omg#IVE HAD THIS STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR SO LONG#I HAD TO FULLY EXPLAIN IT SO I DONT JUST LOOK CRAZY#like why do you think she's sleeping all the time and raising an army#you think she can do all this shit herself???#first off trapped in her own timeline#PLUS all this shit she's dealing with on a day to day basis physically???#she can swing a mean staff but that does not a strong mage make#that and a general need to have control as a way to get her autonomy back#She really got Viktor'd so bad here#she was supposed to have these cool muscles and be strong#her ass would drop a glass because her arms decided to give out on her one day#“Hey Svetla would you like to join the mechanical evolution” “I'm listening” “FUCKS SAKE NOT AGAIN”#body terror by AJJ really fits with this whole post#because look at this#she is a mess medically#god she even LOOKS like she's spent her whole damn life in those wilderness camp things#she looks ROUGH when she wasn't supposed to LORD#SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE ON THE TALIS GENES AND BE STRONG LOOK AT THIS
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(something something so kiss deprived smh)
#i'm joking i'm also here for non romance lmfao but i'm finally getting back in the swing of things i think re: life and work wise so#hopefully i can hop back into writing soon thank you for your patience luv u guys#ooc
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