#I think I actually am fully allowed to harm people I don’t like with bricks and golf balls; hope this helps

[citricacidprince]

I am none of those things in your dni? But being violent is really gross dude. Just say DNI . Like ew. Brother Ewww.

[graveyardollie]

Dying Angel - Awakening Demon Chapter 2

Chapter trigger warnings: Cursing, mention of injury, blood, car accident mention, angst, forests, anxiety, serious body injuries, suicidal thoughts, self-deprecating thoughts, thoughts of never being good enough, mentions of torture (Tell me if I need to add more Chapter 1 ————————————————————

Virgil remembered being picked up. But that was it. Then there were only pleasant fragments of someone quietly singing…someone being so gentle towards him as if he was some fragile flower. It was nothing like how he was treated at home. He could smell some nice scent. It made his stomach make some weird noises. But he didn’t have enough strength to wake up yet. Then…he remembers some unpleasant nightmares as well. The anger of those above him. They told Virgil he was a sinner. He should be ashamed of himself. He was being tortured. The pain he has never felt before. Sometimes he would wake up screaming. And then this voice again…so calming…he stopped. This happened multiple times actually. Nightmares. Scream. Then this soft touch, the soft voice telling him that he’s safe now. But was he actually safe? Could he trust the person this voice belonged to? He wished the answer to this question would be yes. But Virgil learned to never be so naive. He needed to make sure the person means no harm. He needed to fully wake up first. Regain some strength for possible battle. For a little while, he allowed himself to rest.

“How are they doing?” asked Roman quietly to not wake the stranger up. “According to my knowledge, they are stable at the moment. The impact of a crash caused fractures to some of their ribs. To put it simply, that kind of injury is especially dangerous because these broken bones can impact other parts of the body, damaging organs and blood vessels. You were very lucky that did not happen, otherwise, you would most likely be responsible for this person’s death.” Logan said firmly. “How could you be so irresponsible? If I had not made it on time, you would be a murderer. Do you have any understanding of how serious this is? You still may have to be held accountable for causing serious injuries due to a car accident. I will not protect you this time. You need to face the consequences of your actions Roman.” Roman felt like crying. Why did all of this have to happen to him? There was maybe a small chance the stranger will not remember anything that happened and Roman could just lie to him that he just saved them after a driver that actually caused the accident just drove away. However, there was a part of him that couldn’t bring himself to lie to this poor soul. Logan is right. He should face the consequences. He ran too much from his problems lately. Why did he even bother? He really thought he could be the hero of the story. And now he is the bad one. Pathetic. Maybe he should go to this forest and never come back. He could just wait for his painful death. But knowing his luck, it would probably not come as fast as he would wish.

Patton thanked Logan for coming and gave him a full plate of cookies and 200$ hidden under it. Damn it. Why did Roman always have to live under someone’s shadow? He should be the one with a plate full of home-made cookies. Ugh. Alright, he had to make everything right. As soon as the stranger will wake up, he will tell them the truth. He has to. He is not evil. He’s. Not. Evil.

Virgil finally got enough strength to open his eyes. The sudden wave of memories from that terrible night made his vision blurry. The pain he felt was still not comparable to the tortures he had been through, but that doesn’t mean he had to like it. Damn, it really hurt. After taking a few deep breaths, he finally managed to look around. He was in clean clothes and on top of him were layers of blankets. Finally, a warmth surrounded him. On his left side, he could see someone in the kitchen. Could it be the owner of the soft voice he heard while being unconscious? Maybe. From there he could smell something nice. It made his stomach very upset. What was this feeling? He hated being like this. On his right side, he saw the small fireplace made of red bricks. He saw also reddish walls and wooden panels on the floor. There was also someone asleep next to him. Then he saw the door and a window right next to it, easy two ways of escaping just in case. Wait. Go back. Someone was asleep next to him. Virgil panicked. He rolled back and hit the wooden floor with his back and hissed in pain. The stranger woke up and looked around. They seemed confused. Then their eyes met his and the whole world stopped. The time froze. Virgil’s breath started to speed up. The stranger stood up. They tried to come closer but Virgil moved away until he hit the wall. This weird human stopped while Virgil tried his best to stay brave and not break eye contact. “Wait. Hey. It’s okay. I mean no harm. See?” The stranger sat down on the floor and looked at Virgil with his wide brown eyes. This voice…it’s their voice he heard when he was asleep. “Who are you and what do you want from me?” Virgil asked sharply. “Okay, uh…I’m Roman. This is my brother, Patton. I use he/him pronouns and I…well, I hit you with my car BY accident, and in my defense, you were the one just standing on the road half-naked in the middle of the pitch-black night like some crazy person, no offense, and then I actually took care of you and helped you not…die…so um…you’re welcome…?”

This took Virgil out of track actually. What the heck? Did this weirdo just say he hurt him and then accused HIM of being crazy? He was too tired for this nonsense. As long as they actually meant no harm he didn’t care. He was good to go. He slowly stood up with a little help from the wall. “Alright. Well, sorry for being a burden to you for whoever knows how long I was out. I’ll be on my way now.” “Wait!” Roman stood quickly up and stopped Virgil from going any way further. “I mean…I get you probably miss your family and want to get back home as soon as possible, you were unconscious for like 5 days, they are all probably worried sick. I’m sorry all of this had to happen to you. But we just want to help. We need to know what happened. Why were you all alone half-naked in the forest? You were not the only one who got badly hurt because of the forest…many of the people did not make it alive after going in there.”

“Look. I just…I’m not sure. I don’t think your brain is capable enough to get any of the things I had to go through lately. But all I know is that I woke up in the forest and I got out of there and then I got hit by this…thing…”

“You mean a car?”

“Whatever. You know what I mean. Now let me go. I really don’t want to fight you.” said Virgil angrily. That was what ‘’summoned’’ the other person to this conversation. Patton. Roman’s brother. “Now, now, let’s not fight. I’m aware the situation is a bit complicated but we will get to the answers in time.” Patton turned his head to Virgil. “Hi, kiddo. I’m Patton. I’m Roman’s brother. I bet you’re really hungry am I right?” “Am I…what…?” Virgil asked confused. Patton gave him a concerned look. Was being hungry a bad thing? “Oh, poor thing…he must’ve gotten a small concussion…may I take your hand? I will lead you to the table. Dinner’s almost ready.” It was really as if he did not have a choice but Virgil agreed. He took Patton’s hand and went with him to the table. There the brothers finally got to know his name. “My name…my name is Virgil.”

Of course. Now Patton’s a hero. The stranger…Virgil…now trusted Patton’s more than his actual savior. ROMAN. He took a deep breath. He will go to that stupid forest. Alone. He will show everyone he is an actual good person. He will get his revenge by showing them all he can achieve something. He will be a hero for once. He will. Very soon.  Chapter 3

[broke-bitch-diaries-blog]

Time to heal, I guess

I never thought I’d ever say this, but I finally took the step to get professional help for my mental health. I was thinking about doing so since early January, but, fearing being defined as crazy or weak by those close to me, I procrastinated and tried finding a reason not to book a psychologist appointment every single day. In all honesty, the main thing I was telling myself this whole time was “I’m fine. I’m over-reacting. Other people have it worse.”, despite knowing full well that my mental well-being was going downhill every day. 

I grew up in a family, where seeking help for being depressed or anxious was seen as weak or unnecessary. When I was younger, I’d constantly hear the phrase “You’re just a child, you have nothing to stress about. You don’t know what stress is.”. As someone who was severely bullied during my middle school years and the first few years after a transfer to a more artistic and laid back school, I had intrusive thoughts of worthlessness and suicidal tendencies since a very young age. I mean, I hated my body since the age of seven, I self-harmed on multiple occasions between the ages of 12 and 16, I constantly thought of ending it all and felt useless and disgusting, seeing myself as nothing but a burden. And yet, I had to bottle it all up.  Growing up, I would constantly hear how people who raise a hand against their own selves, people who turn to addiction or suicide are nothing but selfish, cowardly losers. So, I stayed quiet and never let my problems be the topic of conversation within my family circle. 

Around the age of 15 or 16, after my mother saw my self-harm marks a couple of times and clearly showed her disappointment and anger at what I had done, I turned to emotional eating. Before that, even at the age of 13, I would skip meals from time to time or throw them up in the school bathroom whenever the guilt of a binge hit me. The stress of the abundance of exams that I was facing, both in high school and my after-class music school terrified me. I found comfort in food. And yet, after every binge, I felt so fucking guilty. This, tied with my low self-esteem and body-image issues, lead to me consciously avoiding my reflection, wearing copious amounts of makeup and being unable to even look at my own body in the shower. I spent so many nights hiding in the bathroom, quietly crying on the floor, not knowing how to reverse the damage that I had done. After the exams had passed and my parents noticed how the stress was treating me (throwing up before every exam, minor panic attacks, problems breathing and high blood pressure), my mum decided we should tell my paediatrician. So we did. She asked me if I wanted to go see a child psychologist. I got scared of being looked down on by my parents (also because back at home, to work in my field of study, you need to be completely mentally stable) and said no. She thought I still needed something to help me calm down and prescribed me over-the-counter sedatives. 

At the age of 16, I was also admitted to a hospital for stomach problems caused by extreme over-eating. While there, my endocrinologist also decided that I needed to lose weight as I had hit 103 kilograms. The number scared me. I never thought I’d reach it. So, after a week of inpatient treatment and loads of testing, I was given a diet plan with restrictions of what I can’t even think about eating. I was committed to losing weight, so I followed it. In less than two months, I dropped down to 87 kilograms. I was ecstatic. The diet was working. But, as diets normally go, the weight wasn’t dropping as quickly anymore as my body was not shocked by the changes in diet. I didn’t know what else to do but restrict my calories even more. I got fixated on all of the numbers. I made my own diet plans, worked out, did anything I could to drop weight. I was getting complimented on how good I’m doing every time I’d say no to unhealthy foods and all that. It made me want to stop eating completely. And yet, one of my friends noticed something was off. I would bring food to school and only eat a small portion of it, giving away the rest to my friends, saying how I was full and such. Later on, my mum caught on as well.  After that, I started eating normally again, which made me instantly gain back some of the weight. For the next 2 years, I kept going back and forth between not eating and over-eating (which often lead to purging). It wasn’t before I started university, that the obsession with numbers fully came back. Purposely not buying a scale, hoping it would help me stay healthy and not get fixated on my weight didn’t help. I got fixated on my caloric intake, making it lesser and lesser with each month. As soon as I started noticing how my clothes were getting looser and looser on me, I went back to the same mindset -” I need to eat way less. This is working.”. And, of course, with the stress of exams crushing me, giving me more anxiety than ever and making depression be my constant state of being, I started not eating again. I started going without food for multiple days, eating like a normal human being for a couple and then going back to not eating again. This is where I am now. I admit it. I am sick and I need help.

A few weeks ago, I booked an appointment with a psychologist after avoiding that for months on end. I knew that if I didn’t, I might do something stupid. I didn’t trust my own thoughts anymore as they were constantly telling me how worthless I am and forcing me to believe that everyone around me secretly hates me. Deep down, I know that that is not true, but, when your brain is sick, other pathways of thought are permanently closed. I’m not going to lie -I was scared of where these thoughts were getting me.

Yesterday, I went to my first appointment. It was definitely bad timing, as I’m leaving the UK to go home for the summer in a couple of weeks, which is not allowing the psychologist to sign me up for weekly verbal therapy. As soon as I got to the waiting room, I was bricking it. Every second I waited felt like hours. I wanted to leave so bad, but something inside me was telling me to stay. When I finally got called in, my hands started shaking. I was so scared to tell her about what was happening in my life as I’ve never talked to a stranger about these things. It just never felt right since my whole life I was taught that your problems should only be talked about at home, with your family. Ironic, isn’t it? My problems should only be shared with my family, who believe that mental illnesses are signs of weakness.  I felt so relieved letting everything off of my chest and sharing it with someone, who I knew understood me from a professional perspective. Still, the whole time I was talking, I couldn’t stop picking at my fingers and nervously shaking my leg. But I did it. I told her everything that was going on with my feelings and eating habits over the last few months as well as sharing a little bit of my past. Before I knew it, I was leaving the health centre with a self-help book and a prescription of Sertraline (I had to do a little research to realise that this is the same thing as Zoloft, which I’ve heard more about). The doctor told me to expect side-effects, so did my friends. who had taken the same medication before. 

For some reason, I was actually kind of excited when I walked up to the counter today and asked for my prescription. Maybe I unconsciously saw it as a glimpse of hope? I’m not sure.  After taking my first dose, I can say, it’s not too pleasant. it took a few hours and I was already feeling nauseous and irritable. Hopefully, this doesn’t last too long. I’m coming home in ten days -I can’t show up looking and acting like a complete fucking mess. I have to be fine.

P.S.: I have told my family about the appointment and the medication. After all these years, they finally agreed that this is what I need. All it took was for them to see how the stress caused by uni was affecting me, thankfully. I just hope they can continue being okay with it and not see me as weak. 

-D,

[smokingbrumby88]

Victim Impact Statement Draft #1

His hands are so tight around my throat, I can’t breathe, and the world is starting to go black around me as I struggle to get free from his grip. My legs have turned to jelly, not that I can reach the ground, but I’m desperate for air. Tonight, I think he might finally be successful and actually kill me. At this very moment I wish he would so I wouldn’t have to struggle anymore. There comes a moment when you’re struggling for your life that you just wish it would just hurry up and end. The fear has reached a maximum level and you feel as though this is it, this is how I go out, this is how my life ends. In the grip of his hands around my throat, struggling for just the smallest amount of air, I was ready. Ready for it to all finally come to an end. But it didn’t, and that wasn’t the end of it for that night either. Threats to smash my head against the concrete brick wall, being punched and kicked for a few more hours, he was careful to never break a bone. This was the real reality of my early hours of Christmas morning 2018. The Christmas I was excited for, the first Christmas I would have in many years with my family, the last Christmas I would ever get to have with my Dad. Who knows what time I was finally able to get to sleep, but when I woke up in the morning and got ready to attend my family Christmas the violence hadn’t ceased. He continued to beat me until I drove out the driveway to spend Christmas day with my family. On arrival, I was noticeably shaking with tears in my eyes and hyperventilating. By now, my family knew if they ask what happened I’d make up some ridiculous cover story. Instead, one sister parks the car for me and the other hands me my niece for comfort, knowing that that is the best way to help me through that particular moment. Later, they would discover the marks on my neck from the early hours of that morning, when my scarf had moved, uncovering the hidden truth beneath it.

It has been just over 2 years since the last time Charles assaulted me, I still remember the multiple times that he attacked me to this day, and parts of it still haunt me. The actions of Charles have completely impacted and changed my life in so many ways. I cannot even begin to describe the feelings of terror I would get every time when he would assault me, but I will try my best. We were in a relationship together for about 3.5 years with the relationship ending with his arrest in March 2019.  Throughout our relationship, the violence became more and more frequent and the reasons for it became more and more ridiculous. I cannot recall the first time he assaulted me, there were so many times that the violence occurred that my memory fails me when I try to remember the first time it happened. It should have been the first and the last time that that occurred, but I was young and vulnerable, and I thought I was in love.

I have spent the last 2 years seeking help to get through the trauma caused by all the assaults. I have PTSD in relation to not only the violent attacks from Charles, but the emotional, psychological and sexual ones as well.

Not long after his arrest, I ended up in my local Mental Health Ward due to the impact of what had occurred over the 3.5 years we were together. It all became too much for me and I had attempted suicide, I had to be escorted by the police to the facility to ensure I did no further harm to myself. I have frequent panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, and sleepless nights, to name a few, that affect my everyday living. My doors are always locked, and I have weapons placed around my house that are hidden but easy to access, in the event that Charles finds out where it is that I live, and I can defend myself against him finally, because I fear that he will keep his “promise” to me. He promised me that “if I ever go to jail because of you, I WILL find you, and I will F**CKING KILL YOU! That’s a promise and don’t you ever forget it”. These words haunt me every day. My safety is my number one priority no matter what it is that I am doing or where it is that I am. I can’t even feel safe in my own home because of the impact these assaults have caused. For example, when I go out to do something as simple as my groceries, the moment I get in my car, I lock the doors as a precaution, who knows if he is nearby or knows where it is that I am, so it’s better for me to be safe than sorry.

Most of the assaults have gone undocumented or unrecorded. Charles would spend hours upon hours assaulting me over and over for the smallest of things. I wasn’t allowed my own opinion, I couldn’t think for myself, I couldn’t choose things that I wanted, I literally had no control of my own life because I was forever afraid that it would result in me being punched, kicked, threatened, strangled, or have a weapon used on me over and over until he was satisfied that he had beaten the result that he wanted into me.

I can recall one night towards the end of our relationship where he mentioned my weight and I wasn’t interested in talking about it, so he got violent. Screaming at me, telling me I was the fattest girlfriend he had ever had, and I looked disgusting. He spent 4 hours punching me in the same spot in my arm over and over, leaving a really large bruise, I would later tell my family members that it was caused by running into a door handle after chasing my cat through the house. I begged him to stop so many times, but that just infuriated him even more. In the end I gave up and told him what he wanted to hear. The next day we went running around the block, after 2 laps I was done. Half-way through the next I tried to slow down to catch my breathe and he was beating me as we ran around the blocking, and sometimes pushing me from behind, and when I tried to get away, he came after me, pushing me to the ground and punching me until I got up. After that lap I refused to go on because I needed to catch my breath, so I went across the street and sat at a picnic table, he did another lap then came up behind me and kicked me in the kidneys before slamming my head into the table followed by dragging me back to the house. Events like these contribute to the nightmares and flashbacks that I continuously get to this day. At times I often struggle to get through them because I feel that most people expect me to be over it by now, but that’s not the case. Many things trigger me into panic attacks or reliving the trauma. It doesn’t help that Charles will not leave me alone and keeps trying to contact me. Every time he does this, the most recent in April of this year, it’s like the flood gates of hell open up again and all the work I have put in to getting through everything has disappeared again and I’m back to square one and I’m being retraumatized again. This to me is so unfair, I want to move on with my life, I want to be happy, I want this chapter of my life to finally come to an end. I am the happiest I’ve ever been and this trauma that keeps occurring is the only thing stopping me from fully moving forward, so I need this to end so that I can be properly happy. The justice system has failed me on so many levels, Charles got a smack on the hand and I’m still living in fear every single day, struggling to comprehend all that has happened.

I am thankful that someone has finally asked to hear what this has done to me. I could go on and give much more detail and give much more insight into how this has affected me, but even writing this is traumatizing and difficult to complete. I hope this helps to somewhat capture the affects of what Charles did to me and how it has impacted on my life, even to this day, 2 years after the last assault.

[unholyhelbiglinked]

The Mitchell Incident | Chapter Four

CHECK OUT THE STORY FROM THE BEGINNING. 

Her mind wondered pensively as she ran her thumb over the plastic edge of her pen. She was biting the inside of her cheek to keep from clicking it again. She couldn’t afford one more sideways glance from the snobby guy sitting in front of her. He was one of those hipster types. The button-down shirt he sported was way too pressed and self-conscious for him to wear to an early lecture.  

Chloe let out a small breath as she shifted in her seat. The sweatshirt she wore covered up the nasty cut that was spread across the edge of her neck and down her shoulder. It was weird. The laceration moved almost like puncture wounds- not a straight shot from a fall of a scape.

It burned now- itching like a bug bite. She inadvertently scratched at it through the black fabric that was covering her torso. It was hot in the room, or at least to her it was. Everyone else was quickly pulling their sleeves down to their wrists to keep distractions to a minimum. Weird.

“Professor Aurum is pretty boring, huh?” The voice made Chloe’s already numb fingers grow cold. She clicked the pen- that same boy with the sharp green eyes shooting her a childish scowl.

“What are you doing here?” She asked harshly, not even bothering to look to her left. She sat at the back of the auditorium for the pure solidarity of it all- but now that she was in a shaded corner of a large room, she regretted the choice.

“I’m not allowed to show any interest in Greek Mythology?” Beca’s voice raised in the form of a question.

“You’re not enrolled in this class.’ Chloe tried her hand at a bit of banter. It was clear this girl wouldn’t lose interest in being a pain in her ass anytime soon.

“I am now,” She spoke softly, settling into the auditorium seat that creaked under her weight. She smelled so thickly of cinnamon. It made a headache edge towards Chloe’s temple as she clenched her eyes shut and leaned her head back. The light from the projector was deadly. She didn’t even question why the brunette had picked up a class halfway through a term.

She was quiet as the woman in front of the room droning on. She was young- fresh out of college herself. Not many people wanted to dive into the world of sex-driven Gods. She got the job easy enough and ha a slack way of teaching that Chloe appreciated.

Her stalker shifted her position, moving closer to Chloe. Again, with that spice riddled scent of her. She had never taken that much notice to the smell things carried- but now it seemed to be the only thing that mattered. She squeezed her eyes tighter.

“Oh, you’re feeling it, aren’t you?” Beca asked, a hint of a smile in her words.

She finally gave her attention to the girl. Sitting up straighter than she was a few moments ago. The muddy blue gaze stared back at her, curious and expecting some type of answer. “Feeling what?”

“Miss Beale,” Professor Aurum’s voice cut through the audience. The whole group of half-interested college kids turned around in their seats to get a good luck at the girl who was trying her best to stay hidden. “Do you have an answer for me?”

The woman pushed her hand against the top of the desk, the spotlight that was on her looed golden against grey eyes. She had mousy brown hair and deep painted lips. They were red like an apple a kid would produce the week before finals.

“Can you repeat the question?” She asked, not confidence in her voice.

Aurum let out a small breath, knowing the girl wasn’t paying much attention to the lesson at hand. “What three Olympians divided the regions?”

Three. Right, they had gone over this before. The red-head knew they had, it was sometime last week. She had taken care to get those names in her notes if nothing else. She cleared her throat, a nervous habit. “Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon.”

Beca beamed next to her. “Smart and pretty, you’re just the whole package, aren’t you Chloe?”

The ginger ignored her as the professor just nodded in surprise. Even without paying attention the answer should have been recalled quickly, and it was. She didn’t’ have any room to object further, and instead went into the assignments due before their next meeting.

The lights raised against the once dark space as the class dismissed. Chloe had never been more grateful to get out of a room before. She caught the edged stare of her instructor but didn’t say anything as she tugged the edge of the fabric over the purple bruise of her shoulder. Beca seemed to cock her head at the woman herself, earning a pensive glare before standing from her seat and following Chloe out.

Her phone buzzed as she exited the building into the sunny courtyard, she cringed away as she pulled her hood up, fishing her cell out of her back pocket. Beca stopped with her, crossing her arms over her black t-shirted chest. She cleaned up nicely from last night- her hair flowing over her shoulder as she cockily watched her new friend.

“That your pal Gallagher?” There was a bit of jealously lacing her voice. Something Chloe cocked her own brow at.

“Yeah, actually.” She shook her head as she shoved her phone away. She was annoyed- there was no reason for her to give Beca the time of day. Nothing stopping her from storming off from an undone stranger. “Thankfully no one dropped dead today.”

“That’s a very optimistic way to look at things.” Beca pointed out as the red-head scoffed and started to walk towards her dorm. It took a few seconds of the younger girl staring after her longingly before she followed.

“Listen, what the hell is your problem?” Chloe stopped suddenly, turning quickly on her heel. It made her feel sick to her stomach. This was almost worse than a hangover. “I tasered you last night and you still can’t take a damn hint?”

Beca laughed lightly, shoving her hands into her pockets as she got a good look at the girl in front of her. She was in rough shape. Her eyes were sunken in, a dull blue instead of the vibrant ones she remembered from last night. Beca felt a twinge of guilt- one she would never let Chloe catch wind of.

“You’re hungry,” Beca stated instead.

“No, no I’m really not.” She shoved past the girl “I’m sick to my stomach, so if you’ll excuse me.”

She was shocked as a cold grasp wrapped itself around her wrist. It was electrifying. Such a slight touch sent chills up her arm as she stifled a shudder. It was the same allure that kept her in the graveyard last night. The same type of feeling that rooted her in her spot now. She breathed in.

“Mm, you’re not craving a burger Chloe,” she continued as the girl turned back to face her slowly. “Maybe one that’s a little underdone.”

“You’re fucking insane.” Chloe yanked her hand away, gasping as she hit the warmth of someone who was behind her. Miss Aurum. Papers were scattered across the ground, Chloe’s natural instinct kicking in as she knelt down and hastily started to scoop them up. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, Chloe, no harm done.” She spoke smoothly, her hair falling into her eyes as she started to pick up papers herself. The two of them shared a few moments of silence as the college student and young teacher stood. She handed over the term papers she had collected, making sure not to look at any of the red markings that littered the paragraphs. “Thank you,”

“No problem,” She gave a weak smile as she took a step back, fully expecting to run into Beca. Instead, there was nothing, the darker woman had vanished completely. So that was the trick? Talk to other people instead of running.

“Actually, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time.” The woman surprised her.

“Sure, of course,” She spoke- not really knowing what this was about. Attendance, or maybe a missed assignment a while back. She was quite frankly still shocked that the woman knew her name, most professors didn’t’ even bother. The students were just paychecks to them. But Aurum was different.

The woman motioned for her to follow her into one of the nearby buildings. It was brick and mortar, the large stone columns something Chloe never got a good look at. She stayed far away from the offices- but the truth was, they looked just like normal ones. It was the same in the city. A few teachers glanced up from their works as the two of them walked by.

“I’m sorry to pull you away from your life like this,” She mumbled, shifting her bag in her grasp as she shuffled with her keys. She opened her office door- against the scent was overstimulating. “I just noticed your new… friend?”

Her office was sleek, a large painting of the God’s hung against the drywall. There were a few statues near a huge mahogany bookshelf. It was lined with gold and red, different volumes of Latin lined every compartment.

“My new?” Chloe trailed off slightly as she wracked her mind “Oh, Beca. No, she’s not my friend. I barely even know her.”

Miss Aurum nodded slightly, stepping to the other side of her desk as she lowered herself into the leather chair. “Please, sit.”

“Thank you,” Chloe spoke softly. She was admittedly relieved to have a place to sit. She was tired, exhausted like the time she got the stomach flu after the county fair. Her stomach was bubbling. “I know she just transferred in…”

“She did, I saw her on my roster just this morning.” The woman nodded, “Are you feeling okay, Miss Beale?”

She went back to using the last name again. It made Chloe’s anxiety spike again. “No, but I’m sure it’s just a cold. If this is because of showing up to class today, I sat in the back-“

“Is that nasty bite on your shoulder a product of a cold too?”

Chloe snapped her mouth shut, her hand instinctively moving up to her throat. She flinched away from the cold touch. It was stinging. Painful. “I should go,” She hastily tried to stand but wavered.

“Chloe, do you know what the Strigoi is?”

“No,” She lowered herself back down “I don’t think so.”

“They’re troubled souls.” She said, leaning back in her chair. “People who couldn’t find peace in their lives, so they’re doomed to spend death in search of something more. A purpose.”

“I’m not sure I’m understanding.”

“The Greeks had a lot of tactics to explain away things,” Miss Aurum stood, walking slowly to the front of the desk. “Like wedlock, and shockingly enough, being a ginger.”

Chloe swallowed roughly, leaning back in her seat as she stared up at the woman. She had a natural way with words. One that didn’t’ feel like she was talking down to someone. She was instructing them. Teaching them.

“How do you become one?” Chloe asked eventually.

“Well, a lot of ways. Sin, mostly, but the Greeks believed that if a cat walked over a grave after someone passed, they’d come back as the demon that lived inside of them all along.”

“That’s morbid,” Chloe finally said, lifting her head up slightly. She still wasn’t sure why exactly why the teacher had pulled her so deep into her office just to give her an impromptu lesson about Greek demons.

“Beca is your cat.” Miss Aurum folded her hands in her lap.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“You do,” She said, “You don’t want to but you do.”

The two sat in a labored silence. She was getting it, pulling the pieces together. The whole elaborate story that was coming back to her in a hazy mess. The way she blacked out after a certain amount of time with Beca. How she woke up with a large bite on the edge of her throat.

“I have to find Beca,” She mumbled, knitting her eyebrows together.

“Something tells me she’ll find you.”          

[tiny-little-bird]

Do you still think Jonsa wil happen?😂😂😂U really think he would ever love, boring, plain, weak Sansa? Who all she ever did was whine, & cry, & fuck her family & herself over, over & over again? Did u see how passionate Jon & Dany were in bed? Jon's passionate, his partner has to be passionate, Sansa could never be as sensual & passionate as Dany, not after being raped, she'd be utterly rigid and boring in bed, she would not give Jon any pleasure. Jonsa has no future, Jonerys is endgame.

“Sansa could never be as sensual & passionate as Dany, not after being raped, she’d be utterly rigid and boring in bed, she would not give Jon any pleasure” 

I always try to be nice, but, fuck you, FUCK YOU lady/dude whatever the hell you are 🖕🖕🖕

I just can’t believe you actually wrote that, and sent it in. This is one of the most fuc*ed up sh*t I’ve ever read. Some of you J*nerys fans are disgusting wtf. I’m beyond speechless.

Being raped does wound you, hurt you, in so many ways, but women are strong, they heal with time. I do suppose it will always be difficult for Sansa to trust men, considering what Ramsay did to her, she’ll always be weary of them, and I suppose she’s never going to allow just any man in her bed, again, but if she fully and truly trusted the man, if he respected her, treated her with kindness, gentleness, if he gave her time, made her feel appreciated and loved, wich would further help her heal, and restore some of her faith in men, which Jon literally has done, she would eventually find it in herself to share her bed with that someone. 

She fully trusts Jon already, the physical contact that she initiated multiple times with him, is proof of that, she loves him, he makes her feel safe, and loved, and cared for, she can talk freely with him, because she knows he’d never punish her, nor hurt her in any way. They have a parter like relashionship already, and the amount of trust and love she already has for Jon, is a strong, cemented foundation, that will be key in season 8, when Jonsa will happen.

Plus, Sansa is already fierce and passionate as it is, she does things with passion and fierceness. You don’t know what kind of a lover she would be, what kind of a lover she WILL be, when she finds it in herself, when she allows herself, to fully and truly love someone, and let go of herself with him.

She never had a proper lover, someone to respect her, love her, and treat her with kindness and honor. The only man who shared her bad, was a psychopath that enjoyed beating her, raping her and playing sick, twisted games with her body, every night. You belittling her, belittling her sensuality, degrading her like this, because she was raped, trying to measure who would be more passionate/sensual between her and D@ny, is fucked up, I’d be seriously concerned if I were you, anon.

And btw, D@ny was raped too, remember? And she healed, as you say, she is sensual and passionate. Being raped does not equal, you will never make love with anyone, ever again, in your entire life, you will not get back control over your body ever again, you will never be able to allow/trust anyone to ever love you again, you will never again allow yourself to enjoy making love, that you’ll never feel pleasure ever again, that you’ll never allow to let anyone cherish you, cherish your body, love you as a whole ever again. There is nothing wrong though, in a woman deciding to never let a man touch her again, everyone’s different, some heal quickly, some slowly, and, unfortunately, some never heal.

If she were to allow anyone in her bed, if she were to wed again, Jon will be the one. I am among the people who believe that, she herself will propose the match. She’ll secure her place at Winterfell, she’d never have to leave Winterfell, her home, ever again, she’d have a man by her side, that she 1000% knows will NEVER harm her in any way, she’d have children, which both Sansa and Jon always dreamed of having. As Sophie said in an interview, Winterfell is Sansa’s haven, and if Jon is the key to her staying there, if he’s they Key to bringing stability to the North, she’ll marry him.

People heal, and Sansa, with Jon’s help has done a lot of healing, she is stronger, and more confident, and with him, we’ve seen her come into herself, we’ve seen her happy, genuinely happy, he gave her his love, he gave her strengtht and confidence, and she returned that love, and gave him purpose and acceptance in return. 

Now, onto your -so not- epic boatsex, it was so quick, rushed and had no buildup whatsoever, just passion, as you called it, but passion, lust, do not equal love, especially considering poor Jon hasn’t fuc*ed anyone, in years. He iofc he’s gonna bang her, while he’s at it. I expected for their boatbang scene to bother me, but I was surprised by the fact that it didn’t, at all. It was so, so rushed, Missandei and Greyworm has a better love scene than theirs, it was built up slowly and it lasted more than 20 seconds lol 

“Love didn’t just happen to us, we built it slowly over the years, stone by stone…It’s not as exciting as secret passion in the woods, but it is stronger, it lasts longer.” – Catelyn Stark 2x10 

“And Catelyn just gazes at him with love built on a rock-solid foundation. Years and years of brick by brick and stone by stone. She cares for Ned, loves him in a profound and nuanced way that’s a far cry from the romantic passion she had as a girl for Brandon.” Catelyn Stark AGOT 

These two quotes, fit perfectly Jon and Sansa. Which goes back to show you, passion/lust/desire does not equal love, true love.

I’m not sure what Jon is brewing, but it involves the Northerners turning against him, and making Sansa Queen In The North, why, I’m not sure, but he wouldn’t be so stupid as to declare he’s bent the knee for all to hear, he wouldn’t send a raven to Sansa telling her about it, he’d wait until the great war was won. He’s cooking something, there is a reason why he wants Sansa Queen. One thing is for sure, seducing D@ny is part of his plan, which is going very smoothly, she’s fallen for him, deeply. 

What I think he perhaps has in mind is, sacrificing his position as King, since he doesn’t care much about being King, he never wanted it, his plan is to seduce D@ny, make her fall madly in love with him, so that he has power and influence over her, so that when they get back to Winterfell together, he can use that power and influence to convince to not burn the Northerners alive, to not kill them, to not burn Sansa alive, cause listen, Sansa, she would never bend the knee to a southerner, not after all she’s been through, he will use her love for him, and ask her to allow the North to stay independent, to let Sansa be Queen in the North. 

Part of me even thinks that, in his mind he is also taking into consideration the possibily of having to sacrifice his happiness, by striking a deal for the North’s independence, “I’ll marry you, I’ll come south with you, if, you allow my people to have their own ruler, their own Queen”, of course, once word get’s out he’s a Targaryen, it will change everything, it will change his plans, it will change his relationship with D@ny. Those who think it won’t change a thing between them, are fools. We’re talking about D@ny here, a woman who didn’t give two craps about an army of deadmen coming to kill them all, being all too consumed and obsessed with power and the Iron Throne, that only changed her mind when the Night King killed one of her dragons. When she finds out, the IT is not RIGHTFULLY hers, she’s not the rightful heir, she’s gonna FLIP. Again, if you think she won’t, you’re a fool, and you don’t understand her character.

Going back to Sansa, she is not plain, boring nor weak. She is one of the strongest women in this show, her wits, her personality, her intelligence, her inner strength are the things that kept her alive, though all the horror and madness, that has been her life, since Ned was executed.

I think I would’ve gone mad in her place to be very honest with you, there’s only so much I could take, I always say I’d be dead in a minute, if I lived in Westeros. She’s been through so much, and yet, she didn’t let all these horrors, make her power hungry, or entitled, or evil/mad, nor did she let them harden her, all they’ve done was wake her to reality, show her what the world is really like, and make her stronger, sharper, but she’s remained gentle, caring and kind at heart. She’s grown into a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman, who is anything but boring, plain or weak.

If you can’t see, if you refuse to see how they’re building up Jon and Sansa for romance, for love, that’s your problem, and I don’t quite care, but to go and say, Sansa is not good enough for Jon, because she was raped, that’s literally what you said “she would not give Jon any pleasure”, you talk as if us women are some pleasure tools/machines ffs it’s disgusting, it makes me sick, to think someone would think in such a way. Women who are raped deserve, and are worthy of love, just like every other woman, even more so, being loved, cherished, respected, being understood, is part of the healing process. Ugh, I feel like I’m waisting my breath with you.

Be gone and never return in my askbox ever again, please and thank you.

[daysofourlies]

let me just start off by saying this is absolutely in no way meant to be a dig or to make you out to be anything but what you are... which to me, is a perfect cúnt that I am so unbelievably in love with. let’s begin, as if you hadn’t been here to experience it, shall we???

you have been my best friend, my actual best friend, for yearssssss... since we were 9? 10? 8? who knows. I can’t even begin to think of my life before you were in it... that’s such a sad yet beautiful concept. I adore looking at photos of us throughout the years as we both change apperance, personality and lifestyles, yet we were still one. is that not insane to you? you hated my boyfriends bc they were dîcks and I hated your girlfriend bc she was intense. yet we were best friends and best friends support. my family always joked that we should date... that it would be “so cute”... but I couldn’t do that... you were the bad boy as you got older and I was little miss angel who didn’t fit that role. and as we were taught, growing up in the same church, you date to marry... you marry to have a family... you take care of your husband and spoil him like as king of the household and protect your wife as your queen. I didn’t see you in that light back then... you were just you.

but the older we got. the more mature we got. I could see it. but you were hers and I was his. I was planning on living that life for him, until I didn’t. but she was planning to live that for you, and you made it official. she stole your heart and adopted your last name and I had to sit in the audience of your beautiful wedding and refuse to look at you looking at her the way I dreamed of you looking at me. I was gutted. and it confused me. why did it have to cut like that??? we had never even kissed but you were the first boy to hold my hand... the first boy to give my butterflies and the first boy to make me jealous. my chances were out the window at this point. but you were still my best friend and that wasn’t going to change.

until it did. we got closer... and closer... and closer. sharing too deep of thoughts, too intimate of secrets, too secretive of conversations... I began thinking of you as I was tangling myself in my sheets, I automatically wanted to tell you first when something happened, when I thought I was having someone else’s child- it was you who I asked to take that role- you were the only other person I would want in that place, when the time allowed- I jumped at the opportunity to talk to you in an empty parking lot... that was uncalled for. you weren’t mine, you were hers. I couldn’t fall any more for a married man than I already had.

it was easy to move on, only because I had no other choice. but your marriage ended and I easily could have been yours if you asked me to... so why didn’t I? because we live in a small town, where people talk... I couldn’t be the “reason” your marriage ended, my family said I looked like a homewrecker for even being such a good friend to you, she hated me enough as it was... I didn’t want to be hated even more and I didn’t want her to hate you to begin with. it didn’t seem reasonable. but you got back out there and I became jealous. no one could give you the life I’ve wanted to since I was 17 years old. but, on the other hand, maybe I couldn’t even give you the life you deserved. so I tried to fix you up with my friends, because if I couldn’t have you, at least someone I know could. but you never wanted them, did you? you confessed your love for me over and over. you confessed your love for me to my best friend. you proved your loyalty to me before anything even began. but you told me you couldn’t be friends with me, you couldn’t even speak to me, if I wasn’t fully yours. and it wasn’t until I was explaining this to your “potential” new girl that it hit me like a ton of bricks. it’s been long enough and if you’re going to move on, please move on to me. it was always you and me. I’m ready. and so are you. I couldn’t be friends with you either, if you weren’t fully mine, because I know my damn worth and dammit I’m worth it. I had made excuses that I liked being alone... but really it was because I liked where we were and I didn’t want to mess that up or give my all to someone and be seen as a joke yet again. I made the excuse that there wasn’t anything I could give you that you hadn’t had... but that’s not true... I have so much to give and want only you to have it. I made the excuse that I didn’t think it was for us... but who am I to judge that?

I thought you saw that. from the first time you kissed me on your porch and we both, I would talk for myself but this is about us and what you as a human have told me, felt as if the world stood still. neither one of us had felt such a connection and we couldn’t be apart. so we weren’t. it was us against the world. you were begging to see me and I was craving more of you. you opened up to me, more than you ever had, which I didn’t know could happen, and I fell even harder. to see your scars and to see your struggles... I didn’t see them as trauma or red flags... I saw them as growth and purity. I began automatically considering how to make a life with them as your hurt and your pain... I would change the way I did things and make your life seemingless... i didn’t want you to ever consider them when I was around, I wanted to help you see your growth rather than focus on your demons. I wasn’t fixing you, I didn’t need to... that is why I fell in love. in. love. then we got physical. something I wasn’t planning on doing... for a long time. not because I didn’t want to, oh I had wanted to for a very long time, but I didn’t think I would fit to your taste. you liked a certain type of sex and so did I... but was I enough? then I decided I was enough... that maybe I don’t even know myself and maybe you put on a little more than you meant but either way, I was ready. we fit. we were home. weren’t we??? I began shopping for new lingerie that only you would have seen, I bought a bondage necklace to show I could be darker and kinkier than you expected, I had fantasies that I had planned to play out... I trusted you and wanted only you to have that side of me. but that wasn’t the only thing I planned... I had a getaway trip planned that had been on my bucket list, that I wanted to experience with you. I had dinners ready to make, games to play, date nights to enjoy... I saw a life with you in the midst of a few weeks. you are a police officer, one of the most dangerous professions, so I studied... I began seeing that side of life differently and taking your life that much more serious than I ever had. you’re a dad... I am definitely not putting myself in a mom position but I was preparing myself to make a tiny new friend. you have many mental illnesses, many of which resemble my many mental illnesses... but I’ve been around you since they began, I know how to handle them and if I don’t, shīt, I’m about to learn how to now. I knew, for a fact, that we were real and if we were together, we wouldn’t split.

until a risky text popped up that made me feel uneasy. I felt uneasy because everything I thought about me not being good enough, came back. that you weren’t satisfied with me and were giving your energy to other females. but you didn’t like that my insecurities got in the way and you blamed me. that this was your life and you didn’t need to explain anything to me because she was your best friend, she was the one you’ve had these adventures with, she’s the one who saved your life, she is the one who knows you better than anyone, she is......... everything that I’m not. so yeah, fück me, right? what am I good for? I never said you would cheat, I had no reason to... but you’ve been cheated on, right? where her “bff” was “just her bff”............ the same bff that she is exclusive with now that you two aren’t together.... I tried to tell you how it made me feel but apologized for any harm, and you continued to blame me. then you left.

and every little thing after that was my fault. you didn’t want to be with me anymore. you would rather be a single dad who went to work as a cop and came home to nothing. you didn’t want to think of anyone other than yourself. I was a petty a$$ who you didn’t even want to associate with. you said I assumed the worst and if I thought one way, to hell with it because you didn’t have the time of day to reassure me otherwise. so again, I apologized. asking for you back. making new plans, because this is 2020, we don’t have to live life the way we always had. if you wanted your space, you could have it as long as you were still mine, you could hang out with whoever you wanted and if they had your attention they could enjoy it if you came home to me, if you didn’t want to spend time with me............... no, fück that..... why am I giving and giving and giving with nothing in return? it hurt me and you, the one who has never belittled me, continued to show that I wasn’t worth the fight. I wanted you, I wanted to treat you like the king of the household- to spoil you and surprise you and live life next to you, not behind you on the back burner. whether someone had your attention or not, I lost you. you didn’t have to unfriend your bff but compromise is what relationships do, to have proven your loyalty to me just in case was all I asked for. for you to see it from my side and why it made me hurt. if you wanted to spend your day off with your boys, good!!! I want to spend time with my girls.... but I would also hope you would want to spend time with me too at some point but you didn’t...? you went weeks. the many hours we have at the same time, free, you used up. I wanted you at a family gathering and you slept through it. I asked to come over, or you come to me, but you were too cozy in bed to be bothered. I wanted to be fought for every day like I was fighting for you. buying you snacks and putting them on your porch, bringing you a gift just because I was thinking of you, buying myself lingerie for you to enjoy or earrings that were police related to show my support, sending paragraphs of how much I loved you unconditionally, how proud I am and how I truly wanted nothing but happiness for you... even if it wasn’t me. so every day, I woke up, hoping for a note on my car, flowers at work, a random drop by before work....... a text even saying just to say I love you. nothing. instead, all I got was an argument and how it was easy for you to let people leave if they wanted to, even if that person was me... even.... if that person.... was me. I decided to speak up, finally, because for some reason I’ve been quiet and I never am. I straight up told you what I felt was your problem... you got scared. scared that you saw true happiness, you saw that I wasn’t like your exes or someone you thought I might be, you saw that a relationship was easily forming and being single sounded more cool. you saw how much you relaxed when I was around and how your demons weren’t as prominent and their presence was more fulfilling that mine. you didn’t like the fact that someone was taking the spotlight away from your trauma and the attention that you were getting from anyone else would be gone. I hate to say it, but you know I’m right. that if you were to kiss me, right now, the world would go silent once again. but guess what, I deserve better. so this is me telling you to do better... for me... because you are the only one I want. I don’t need you, but god do I need you and how I wished you needed me. but so does everyone else, I guess. you know you’re wanted and can have anyone, so you would rather have the freedom to have those options. so-and-so said she knows that she is better for you than me, so who am I to argue and chase someone who isn’t there???

so I gave up. and it made considering my suicide easier. and you, being one of four people that I reached out to, made me realize that my plan to end my life truly was worth it. and it hit me, when I woke up and unfortunately saw the light of day, that you aren’t mine... and I can’t have you. I wasn’t needed by you, craved by you, missed by you... but that doesn’t have to mean anything... you’re still my best friend. if you want someone else, I’ll have to stand by and watch her live the life I wanted, again. if you want to distance yourself from anyone and everyone and it be easy for you to let me walk, I won’t force myself into your heart and brain. if you aren’t dying to check my Instagram stories, Twitter feed, Snapchat and snap scores... like I do you, why am I making myself sick to my stomach hoping for you to reach out to me? so here’s to to not wishing hoping praying and begging God to bring you back, because if your heart isn’t shattered with my absence and the thought of me kissing someone else doesn’t make your stomach drop, nothing I can say will change your mind. you deserve so much love, but I deserve true love. the love I was so obsessed with giving. the unconditional love that I felt for you. because I’m not a walk in the park either. but you said you don’t have that in you... so everything you said couldn’t be true or this wouldn’t be happening, right? because if I was “the one” and you have “dreamt of this” and you “can’t fūck it up” and you were going to “take care of me”... then what changed? for telling you my struggles and insecurities when it came to guys, you feeding into my mind that I needed someone like you, a man, to take care of me and to neverrrrr let me feel so low about myself... lmao, yet here you are, stomping me ground harder than any guy has before because unlike them, who used me... you just changed your mind in a split second. or are you fighting yourself harder than you’re fighting me? replay our old Marcos, listen to the words you said to me... look at the smile you shined... your eyes popping... can you truly ignore that?

here’s the thing though... I would take you back in a heartbeat, because I love you from the bottom of my soul, and I knowwww you... and this “you” that has been present the past month, isn’t him, but lord, I wish you felt this feeling. I can’t put the job of creating my happiness in someone else, but having someone who makes my life the happiest, gone? sucks the rest of the lifeless life out. and it’s exhausting. so let me give you the life you deserve... but I need you to give me the life I deserve back. the life you have promised me before. the life you have been “dying” to give someone. because I know you have it in you... don’t let the world tell you otherwise. relationships are hard, they take trial and error but it also takes strength, compromise, understanding and adjustments. is it worth that journey? because if we fail, we fail, but we both know we won’t. I absolutely puke at the fact that I’m giving you the option to choose our path instead of saying “lmao stfu, youre being a dîck, we are going to be together and this is how we are going to do it and youre gunna like it” but if this isn’t what you desire, I wouldn’t even consider forcing myself onto someone who doesn’t want me. and yet again, all I can do is fight and fight and fight but I’m screaming at a brick wall. why am I torturing myself???

so, now that we have relived our history... let me know so we can cut the shît because this cold shoulder nonsense is heavy and I can’t take it. our stubborn prideful a$$es can’t one up each other much longer. so, E, what’s the damn verdict??????? is my Prince Charming going to flash those sirens and pull me over and kiss me against his cruiser, if you need time- tell me how long because I will wait and wait but I need you to understand my way to do so, do I have my best friend back and ready to help me swipe right and left as we dab each other up or is this goodbye and good riddence?

[keepwritingbabe-blog]

Philosopher’s Stone (Chapter Three)

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: violence, language, tragic past, etc.

Words: 1543

A/N: So this is very obscure… I suppose? The main character is based on an idea I had for a superhero, so I thought I’d base a story off of her. And since I love Loki, and I think they’d fall for each other, I thought I’d do that too. So just keep reading and hopefully, I explain the main character’s powers and backstory well enough to understand. I hope you guys enjoy!!

P.S. I actually (very unfortunately) have not seen Thor Ragnarok yet, so this is an AU where Loki has been taken in by the Avengers and forced to sit and play nice until they trust him. Which has sort of, sort of not, happened. So NO SPOILERS for the new movie, okay? Good.

“She’s been sleeping for sixteen hours. Don’t you think we should check on her? See if she hasn’t, you know, left?” Natasha worries.

“If she left, FRIDAY would have told us. She’s fine. She’s probably just happy to finally have a real bed to sleep in. Who knows when the last time that was, right?” Tony reassures her with confidence. However, Thor is not convinced. Something is wrong, so he decided to go find his brother to make sure he has nothing to die with it.

“Loki?” Thor half shouts as he knocks on his brother’s door with purpose.

“What is it now?” Loki sighs exasperatedly.

“Have you seen Lady Y/n?”

“Not since yesterday. She kept getting lost, but I told her how to get back to her room. Why? Has she gone missing?”

“No, at least I don’t think so. However, I wanted to make sure you were… keeping your distance.” Thor’s face saddens at the thought. He wants his brother to socialize more, but not with the newcomer.

“Thanks, I get your message.” Loki angers quite quickly. He attempts to close the door on his brother, but Thor’s massive hand stops it immediately.

“Do not misunderstand me, Loki. I mean it for your own safety. She’s dangerous. I can feel it. And clearly not very social, so I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“By what? Some shy Midgardian girl? Brother, I couldn’t care less about her. I’ve been minding my own business in the library most of my time anyways.” Loki scoffs, but Thor can see through his time of voice.

“Just be careful. I’m sure she’s just as untrusting of is as we are of her. We need to ease our way into a mutual partnership. Leave that to us, Alright?” Thor grabs his brother’s shoulder to make him look him in the eyes.

“Yes, I know. Now leave me be. I’m busy doing nothing.” And with that, Loki finally shuts the door on his brother.

It’s so warm that I never want to leave this place. Where am I exactly? And why is it so comfortable? I open my eyes slowly to see an expensively decorated room with neatly organized furniture.

That’s right, I’m at the Avenger’s Headquarters. This is the room they gave to me to rest in. A real bed. It’s so fluffy, like a cloud. And the blankets on top are so soft I could just stay here forever and feel at peace.

But what am I still doing here?

My anxieties come back suddenly and I shoot myself up from the bed. Oh gosh, what am I going to do? I’ve been avoiding them all night, so how can I just walk about as if everything is normal?

I still have the clothes from yesterday, so I decided to leave them on. I suppose I can explore a bit, right? Just to get a feel of the place. Perhaps everyone has gone out for the day? On a mission? To get food? Hopefully?

Forgetting to check the clock for the time, I simply make my way out of the room. No one’s in this hallways at least…

No one’s in the kitchen… or the social rooms…

Now I’m beginning to worry. Where are they? Was this a trap? Did they actually just lock me in here alone or…

“At eleven everyone begins training. Well, almost everyone.” The same voice that’s been following me my time here speaks. I turn around and meet a familiar set of emerald eyes.

“Oh. Alright. Um…” I try to communicate, but the awkwardness has set in like a ton of bricks.

“Yes, pet? Don’t be shy.” That annoying nickname and cocky smirk return yet again.

“Don’t call me ‘pet’. I’m no one’s pet. I don’t even understand the meaning of such a name.” I scold him in a surprising fit of irritation. However, Loki just chuckles at my reaction.

“No harm meant by it, but very well. I’ll stop calling you ‘pet’..."

"Thank you," I reply quickly, beginning to walk away to find a sanctuary away from socialization.

"No problem, darling." I snap my head around with a scowl on my face, contrasting to his habitual smirk.

"That... You... I didn't mean I wanted another name!" I feel my face get hot from embarrassment, but Loki only shrugs it off coolly. "Nevermind. I suppose it doesn't matter what you call me." With that, I leave abruptly enough to not allow him to stop me.

"Ow! Buck watch it!" Steve winces as his more stoic friend punches his arm, which still had a pretty bad bruise from previous battles.

"Heh, sorry." Bucky can't help the goofy grin from spreading across his face. "Oh, by the way, I was wondering about that weird girl you talked about last night. She's staying with us now? I thought she was crazy and dangerous, right?"

"Well... dangerous, maybe. Crazy, not sure yet. But yes, she's agreed to work with us for a while. I'm still unsure of how to feel about the situation, but I do believe this is the best plan of action." Steve discusses carefully, not using the wrong words to cause misunderstandings.

"Why don't we test her out a bit? Just to see what she can do. Then we'll get a better feel of just how dangerous she may or may not be."

"Hmm... I guess that would be ideal, but who knows if she's actually willing to do that. Again, none of us really trust her fully, so why would she trust us?"

"True..."

Just then, Natasha swings open the door to join the two boxing oldies. Her hair tied in a neat ponytail, and clothes made to absorb sweat.

"What's up, fossils?" She greets cheekily.

"Hardy har, Nat." Both men glare playfully at her before getting in their fighting stances. One by one, they each throw a punch or kick at each other in an attempt to knock one off balance.

"So... what're your real thoughts on mystery girl?" Natasha asks mainly Steve between pants, nearly hitting him in the face with her boot.

"Not sure." He replies, clearly tired of the uncertainty derived from this topic.

"I saw we give her a chance," Bucky states, blocking a punch from his friend. "You all took a chance with me, right? Do the same for her."

"Yeah, but we all knew what you've done wasn't your fault," Steve argues.

"We also took in Loki." Natasha thinks out loud.

"Yeah, true. He did some pretty bad stuff in full knowledge, but he's changed. Even if she's a little iffy, we can guide her down the right path." Bucky agrees with Natasha.

"Yeah, I suppose." He dodges another punch from Natasha and a kick from Bucky. "I do believe she's good, but possibly doesn't know how to use her powers with other people to help."

"Sounds about right, judging from how she reacted to us crashing her rescue party a while back." Natasha laughs, then looks to Buck with a mischievous glance. He knows exactly what she's thinking. Both of them double team and attack Steve, knocking him to the ground.

"Hey! Not fair... Ow," Steve whines, holding his arm once again.

"Hehe, sorry again. You gotta see that coming though, right? I mean we made it so obvious!" Bucky giggles guiltily.

"It's true, Cap. I think your body is catching up to your age." Natasha teases.

"Yeah, yeah. C'mon, let's go talk to Tony about what we'll do with Y/n." Steve offers, hoping at least one of them will go with him to back him up.

"Y/n... such an innocent name for what you described to me. Huh..." Bucky talks without thinking.

"'Bucky' and 'Steve' are no knee-quaking names either." Natasha jokes.

"You know what I mean!" Bucky defends himself. "And my real first name is 'James'."

"Oooo, so scary!" She mimics a terrified face while Steve just laughs.

"How can anyone possibly find their way around this labyrinth?" I sigh out loud. I've been wandering around for the last half hour with no luck finding the kitchen. I'm so hungry that I might just eat one of the many paintings off of the walls.

"Ugh, where the hell is it?" I half yell out in frustration.

"What are you looking for, Miss Y/n?" A strange electronic voice asks from nowhere.

"What? Who's there? Where are you?" I shriek and jump to the wall defensively.

"I asked you what you were looking for. My name is FRIDAY. And I am everywhere." It answers all of my questions.

"Everywhere? Wait, so are you some sort of... technological program?" I question, feeling quite nervous about this situation. My people were never really interested in advanced technology.

"Yes, of sorts." It answers once again.

"Well, um... I'm looking for the kitchen. Could you help me find it?" I sheepishly ask it.

"Of course, Miss Y/n. Follow my lights on the ceiling." A line of soft blue light appears above me, leading me down the hallway. In no time, I reach the kitchen which is thankfully empty of people.

"Thank you, Friday." I smile up at the ceiling above me as if it could see that or even comprehend it.

"It's my pleasure, Miss Y/n. Mr. Stark has asked me to tell you once you made it to the kitchen that you may have whatever you wish." It informs me then seems to disappear. What even I wish, huh?

Loki comes out of the library with a book in hand and heads towards the elevator. He punches in his desired floor number and it takes him there in no time.

"Friday, where is everyone?" Loki asks in hope that he'll have this floor to himself while the others are still training.

"Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barnes, and Miss Romanoff are on level four in the training room. Mr. Banner and Mr. Stark are in the lab on level one. Miss Y/n is on this floor in the kitchen." Friday answers, not quite what Loki wanted, but he gets a better idea than he had before.

"Well, well, well... caught stealing from their fridge, hm?" He leans against the counter behind Y/n, startling her enough for her to accidentally push out an aura wave. It knocks over Loki, making him blink in confusion.

"I'm sorry! But don't sneak up on me like that! What the hell are you even doing? Do you just...just..." She rants, then slowly stops as she notices him staring up at her. "What?"

"May I ask what that was? It was quite powerful." Loki almost seems impressed and genuinely curious. However, Y/n doesn't want to discuss it so she hesitates before answering.

"An accident." Then she turns away from Loki, attending back to the fridge for food. Now he notices how much she seems to be shoving in her mouth.

"Hungry much?" He teases, getting up and brushing himself off. This earns a glare from Y/n.

"Excuse me, but I haven't had any real food in the past week. So yes, I'm going to stuff myself until I explode if I can."

"Really? Well, in that case, my brother has a secret stash of odd sweet pastries called 'Poptarts' if you want to try them. They're on the top cabinet above the stove where he thinks no one can reach them. I bet you could if you really wanted to." Loki offers with a glint of mischief in his eyes. Y/n looks from him to the cabinet with hunger.

"I suppose I'll leave you to it, then." He walks away, but just before he's gone Y/n picks up the book he felt on the floor when he fell.

"What's this?" He turns back to her, then realizes he's forgotten.

"Oh, that's just a book I've been meaning to read." He saunters back over to her, extending his hand to take it back. However, she pulls it away from his reach and instead opens it up.

"You have writing on parchment?" She asks. "How did you get this?"

"I just got it from the library. There's quite a few here, but back in Asgard we have thousands more." Loki boasts. Y/n's eyes fill with wonder.

"My people always told stories to each other verbally. The writing was meant for spells and historical documentation. This is wonderful..." She flips through more pages. but Loki finally snatches it back from her.

"Well, then I'd suggest taking a visit to the library. You can pick one out for yourself. If you'll excuse me, I'm off to read my own." His infamous smirk peaks through his attempted grump.

"Where is the library?"

"Take the elevator down that hallway to the right. The library is on the third floor." He continues to walk out of the room, but not before hearing one last comment from Y/n.

"Thank you, Loki."

I hope you guys like this chapter! I plan on writing a more detailed an emotional scene between Loki and the reader in either the fourth or fifth chapter, so look forward to that!

Also, I’m starting to work on a Supernatural story for Benny x reader. I don’t see enough love for my favorite cajun vampire, so I gotta write it! I think it’ll be really cute. I can’t wait! Anyways, I hope you all have an amazing night!

[gabbysurpblog]

i’VE HIT A WALL

Sorry for the caps, but that’s where my research has taken me to at this moment. Albeit I have not physically run into a wall (yet), after a rather pleasant day spent sightseeing and conversing with my close friend Hope and her boyfriend Ryse, I came to a rather scary realization. What if I am doing my research completely wrong? This is a fear many a student researcher may have at the beginning, in the middle, or even towards the end of endeavors made “in the field” so to say (we wouldn’t be students, or frankly human beings, if not). That being said, I have not Web-mb’ed my symptoms to assess the accuracy of this feeling or the likelihood that many student researchers go through this... But what I will say is that it came as a surprise. 

Coming to O’ahu, I had no idea what I was in for. The trouble with research, especially when you’re a history major who loves to read and could be surrounded by dusty old books, artifacts, newspapers, whatever old and decrepit article of reading one may desire, is the promise, no the absolute certainty, of having just too much material and information to read on and write about. I alone cannot synthesize the entire historiography of the Pacific, even narrowing down further to O’ahu and Guam, into a neat little package based on two broader terms my project was formerly known as: “Environmental History & Ethnography.” First of all, what does that even mean? These two terms are too generic in form, admittedly lacking any indication whatsoever as to what type of ethnography will be conducted or which aspect of the environment and its subsequent history I would focus on. So then I narrowed it down; my first week, people would ask 1) what are you here for/why are you here? and 2) oh, what kind of research? In all honesty, I had no idea. Although supported remotely by my overseeing professor, I was practically alone. In a foreign locale, on an island paradise I was primed and prepped to respect but ultimately to critique as a settler-colonial project at play, to appreciate and be receptive to my hosts and what they desired to show me and share with me whilst here, and to try and figure out what the heck I’m doing all the way out in the Pacific instead of going back home and just spending another summer back home. There were, and still are, a multitude of factors that led me here and continue to inspire my journey. 

As to why I’m here, I was granted a paid research assistant job by Pomona College’s Summer Undergraduate Research Program (SURP), which allowed me to spend 10 weeks conducting research under Gender and Women’s Studies Professor Aimee Bahng, as we articulated what kind of research I would conduct on behalf of her and myself as well, deciding I would spend the month of June on Oahu, HI and the month of July on Guam. As for what kind of research and how it will be conducted, this has taken many forms, directions, and different ways of articulation. The generic description would be “I’m here to explore and understand how Kanaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians) on Oahu and Chamorros (those native to Guam) on Guahan/Guam relate to their islands as indigenous peoples, how they take care of and connect to their specific environment despite the presence and encroachment of settler colonialism and their current imperial occupiers (America).” This is a lot. I would continue, “I will be doing so by conducting archival research and oral interviews.” 

So far, I have spent many hours in the archive, the 5th floor of UH Manoa’s Hamilton Library, to be exact. My time slot is usually 9:00 am-5:00 pm, sometimes earlier like one day I left at 3:00 pm. I try to spend majority of the week, about 3 weekdays, at the archive and then accompany whoever or meet up with whoever is hosting me or on island on other days. I haven’t burnt out yet, but I realize how fast time flies when I am doing something that piques my interest and without time constraints or class/assignments in the way to focus on. That’s why I think I might become a librarian after chatting with UH’s Pacific Collection archivist Stu Dawrs (thanks Stu, you rock!), I’ve photocopied (for free I might add), PLENTY of material. Too much maybe, very diverse in content early on, but I think I’ve narrowed my scope mostly in terms of my original intent (how native Pacific Islanders relate to the environment/the impact settler colonialism and its other arms of control impact island environments).

However, here’s the issue. My identity as a Chamorro woman is something I pride myself on and something I can never just leave at the door. On Hawai’i, everyone has the potential to become a “local” but the social mobility/racial capital ladder is quite apparent; it’s something I find both fascinating and confusing, but what I determined early on is that it is not my place to speak on behalf or for the Native Hawaiian people, because that is not my identity. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge but necessary to make personal progress: I am a settler, I am a tourist, I am a visitor, I am hosted, but I am not native to here and I did not grow up on island either. There are things I will never fully conceive of, but I take that in stride and aim to try and understand; I have asked more questions here than I’ve probably asked in any and all classrooms I’ve ever been in combined (mostly because I pride myself on being able to figure things out alone in an academic setting and asking questions in class is something no one ever truly feels comfortable with). This is partly due to curiosity, but mostly because I am being surrounded by my Native Hawaiian friends who allow me to feel comfortable asking about anything and everything, including the difficult conversations that may not be desired but humor me as their guest (mahalo Kawai and Hope, you and your families gave me so much comfort and support when I needed it the most). So, with all this contained yet tangential rambling in mind, I decided within the first week that I would solely focus my efforts and attention on Guam in terms of archival research. UH is a great resource for Hawaiian Studies (obviously Gabby), but also in terms of Pacific/Greater Pacific Islander Studies. In doing so, I found so many great sources and ideas. But I am left with this residual feeling, halfway through my third week on O’ahu, that I should have devoted my time to Hawaii and its people as they relate to the environment. Even the people I have connected with and whom I intend to interview next week (extremely grateful for as well), are both Chamorro male professors at UH, neither of which are Native Hawaiians. So I have to wonder, is my role and place here, the way I’ve worked to frame my research and ultimate thesis, harmful or beneficial? Beneficial as in Native Hawaiian stories are not being told by another outsider coming in, someone who is also Pacific Islander but understands the struggle for representation by another Hawaiian person... And yet, it feels like a punch in the gut, a slap in the face to not even contribute or highlight the cultural resilience and revitalization made by the people of the land I have been and continue to be hosted on. 

All of this sounds very theoretical but tangible in my head... I want it to make sense, I want to comfort myself by acknowledging my intentions were good but one cannot accomplish everything they set out to... But that’s not enough for me; hopefully I will be having at least a phone conversation and potential face to face meet-up with a Hawaiian lady my dad hooked me up with randomly (outrigger paddling my friends), potentially my friends and their family? I just didn’t think of all this until now, hence the brick wall. I already have concepts and frameworks from the teachings of my dear Kumu Dr. Kehaulani Vaughn and my other valued mentor Professor Alfred Flores in terms of Hawaiian beliefs and strategies of survivance (survival via resistance) in their separate classes (Community Health and Race & U.S. Empire in the Pacific Islands), so I don’t worry about that... If anyone actually read this entire thing, comment or personally message me your thoughts. Would love to hear ideas, thank youuu.

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

249: A Lesson, for Women Especially, to Learn Sooner

Oprah: What is a lesson that took you the longest to learn that you kept repeating and it kept showing up wearing a different something, but was the same lesson?

Julia Roberts: I think we as people, or as women, or me just myself who I am in this world that I make myself less for someone else to feel more of whatever that "thing" was.

View this post on Instagram

Juuuulia! Our forever pretty woman is coming into a new decade and she is LIVING. This is a side of Julia you've never heard: her spiritual practice, what she's most grateful for, the lesson that took her the longest to learn, and more. Thank you @JuliaRoberts for sharing your FULL, multifaceted self. Listen now!

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on Oct 26, 2018 at 9:28am PDT

When I heard Julia Roberts share with Oprah on her podcast Super Soul Conversations this past October the lesson that took her the longest to learn, it struck a chord. Actually, having seen the above Instagram post on Oprah's feed prior to the interview which prompted me to download the episode (airing on October 23 & 24 - it's a two-part conversation), I finally felt I had found a word for what I had been doing for quite some time in my life but couldn't understand what it was and why it was causing me so much frustration.

Shrinking, unconsciously becoming less of who we are so that others feel more comfortable, either to avoid confrontation that is unwarranted, but still we choose to prevent it from occurring by not being our full and awesome selves, or by not partaking in a life path because we don't want to upset others or deal with the push back, can become a habit and mistakenly become accepted as who we actually are.

The habit of shrinking is something I became accustomed to for a long time - with my family, with my friends, in relationships - but thankfully, I find myself in the past 5-8 years refusing to do so, and the blessings of this conscious choice have been beautiful - primarily, a sense of peace and tranquility within myself which is especially felt when I am in own and only company. And more importantly, I have begun to find people who accept me for who I truly am, and have been more keen to gravitate to others who as well are being themselves and do not ask or expect or want me to shrink.

A common reaction to onlookers or individuals who have interacted with those of us who have become conditioned to self-select to become less is that we are 'too much of ourselves'. In other words, arrogant. They skip over the observation of one simply being confident and jump to, she/he is too confident. Too full of themselves. But what they are really communicating is "I am not comfortable with you not being who I want you to be or what I am used to you being". And often, it is women who when they choose to let go of being less, receive the comment from others of being 'too confident'. I rarely hear this about men who are confident, and even those men who are well into the arrogant tier of confidence. Nope, primarily women. And this is what is known as social conditioning.

Even more unfortunate, it is often women, but men too, if they haven't been conditioned or around women or any individual who is not adhering to what they believe to be 'their societal role' , they will push back. The irony is, if they are women pushing back against women, they are pushing themselves down as well.

What does 'refusing to make yourself less' look like? Certainly, women can step into the realm of arrogance and go beyond simply being confident just as men can, but too often we fear this misstep and thus never even dabble or try to exude our confidence of being exactly who we are. And being exactly who we are is what the world needs.

How to Be Your Full Self, Not Less, Not More

1.Understand what true self-confidence is

To possess and exude confidence is to establish a "firm trust" with someone else as defined in the dictionary. In episode 5 of the podcast, we detail how to gain confidence and why it is invaluable, an episode inspired by the book The Confidence Code .

And it is imperative, that in order to not convey arrogance, but rather confidence, you refuse to fake it. In other words, let go of the life advice maxim that seems to be quite ubiquitous - "fake it until you make it". If you fake it, you overstep, you don't have the credibility and people will not trust you. The goal is to gain authentically other people's trust, which means, you need to be you and do what you love and what comes naturally, where you find your flow and where you acknowledge others' strengths and successes, where you recognize new ideas and thus adjust your ideas. Being adamant is not being confident, especially so, if your stance on any issue needs to be adjusted as new knowledge is put forth.

In other words, excluding true confidence comes from showing, not telling. Simply put, our actions, how we carry ourselves, how we handle difficult situations, how we prepare for our projects/conferences/speeches/etc., how we respond to questions when asked, when we engage in conversations - what it is that we share and how we speak - our tone, listening skills, responses, etc., how we go about our lives when nobody is necessarily watching, etc.

Confidence is gained from continual growth, a bit of vulnerability to put yourself out there and show your strengths, but also a recognition that it is in your actions,, that build upon themselves to build trust with others and to demonstrate to yourself that yes, what you have to offer is valuable, but first you must acknowledge this truth to yourself.

2. Let go of the need of wanting everyone to like or approve of what you do/say

Become more comfortable walking away and not taking it personally when someone doesn't "approve" of your behavior, ideas, lifestyle, etc. First, this is where having confidence will help strengthen your resolve to not be so shaken when someone speaks ill of you or your work. Second, this doesn't mean constructive feedback shouldn't be considered. After all, in order to grow, so long as the source who is relaying the feedback is trusted, credible and wishes only to help, not tear down what you have put out into the world, consider their feedback.

On the other hand, whether it is with relationships, career pursuits, lifestyle choices, or political ideologies, while we may intrinsically want others to like us, agree with us, go along with our ideas, accept us, date us, marry us, hire us, vote for us, etc., we want them to like our full self, not a version of what we think they would accept. Because in time, we will no longer be able to stay confined inside the box we have initially put ourselves in and the other has accepted that we stay. Our breaking out will come in all different forms - getting angry, ending a relationship, etc. - but rest assured, it will come eventually.

3. Find the courage to be vulnerable

The most frightening part of being our fullest selves is knowing that there is a possibility we will be dismissed, rejected, ignored, laughed at, simply not accepted for who we are. But the comfort, the safety net so to speak, is the self-confidence we have built up and take with us everywhere we go.

If you understand your self-worth, which has been with you since the day you were born and will be with you your entire life, you know that you have immense value that the world is fortunate to have. In 2011, I wrote a post sharing 10 Ways to Strengthen Self-Worth and one vital point shared was that "we all have self-worth; it’s a matter of finding it within ourselves.  Once we accept and acknowledge, and know, that we are worthy, the amazing journey of finding our purpose, of discovering our passions and living our most fulfilling life can really begin."

Once you acknowledge how awesome you are all on your own, those rejections, those negative responses that none of us are seeking, will more easily become a part of the past and roll off your back. But first you must establish your self-confidence.

"It’s no surprise that confidence is the foundation that makes it okay to be vulnerable. It’s the layer of self-trust that allows you to take a few bricks out of that wall and know you’ll be okay, to really show up and to show others who you are. Real, natural confidence is trust rather than second-guessing. It’s congruity rather than compartmentalization. It’s ease rather than resistance." —Steve Errey, a confidence coach

If you are someone as well who has felt they have had to shrink themselves in order to live life, then you know how uncomfortable and confining it can be to live such a life. Such experience is not wasted because now that we know how to become our full selves we can make sure we don't expect others to shrink or become less around us. With empathy we can make sure this harm to others doesn't continue - to women or men. But we must stand strong in our full selves and become comfortable with walking way, communicatively clearly, but with clarity and calm certainty and recognizing that these are both skills - the shrinking to be less and the expanding to be our full selves - and so while it took time to learn how to shrink, it will take time to learn how to be fully who we truly are out in the world.

For me, there are three aspects that are the most difficult part of being fully who I am: not holding on to the past of how I have been treated by the same people I am trying to be fully myself with and bringing unhelpful rash and reactionary emotions with me (while I have walked away from those I could, sometimes we don't have a choice as we either work for or with them or are related to them and see them at holiday occasions whether by our own invitation or not); letting go of the guilt that had been instilled by society for being stronger than it wanted me to be - whether that guilt was exhibited by having a voice, an idea or letting someone go; and lastly, believing in what I wanted to bring to the world more and considering the certain critics that will inevitably arise less.

As you can see, it takes time, and awareness of what is most difficult for each of us, but we each can attain the place of being fully who we are each day and moment of our lives no matter who we are with. And in knowing this, we can support and nurture others who are daring to take this brave step to be themselves and encourage them, not laugh or limit or dismiss, so that we all rise to our best selves. However, it starts with supporting yourself and giving yourself permission to be exactly who you are. Just be you. And in your being, you will dazzle, amaze and find the people who delight in exactly who you are. Trust your journey.

Petit Plaisir

—Agatha and the Truth of Murder, on Netflix

starring Irish actress Ruth Bradley as Agatha Christie at the age of 36 as her marriage to Archibald Christie was coming to an end.

Set in December 1926, during the 11 day period in which the novelist went missing. The movie is a fictionalized version of what might have happened.

https://youtu.be/2apnlrZmv28

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast

[revenjolras]

Okay I’m putting it out there. I’m going to try and frame this as politely as possible, this is not an attack on anyone it’s just… an observation and a request (in long form I guess), and it may be a little disjointed. Firstly, I am not here to say what characters people are “allowed” to like or ship or whatever... but recently this fandom has been making me feel a little afraid(?) to say anything negative about Mont.parnasse and the Patron Min.ette. As if, to do so, fundamentally puts me at odds with the WHOLE point of Les Miserables... this story that I have loved for almost 20 years now, which I have read fully twice (halfway through a third go) seen on stage many times and listened to more times than I can count, written for for several years and read so much discussion on... I could probably do a PhD if I put my mind to it.  I don’t tend to BE a negative person but actually this Marvel fandom - Loki style... woobifying... attitude that I see more and more often is making me feel more negative about these characters than I used to... and I used to find them quite interesting.

Please please can we stop telling people off for treating villainous characters (who do villainous things unapologetically) like villains.

It is absolutely fine with me if you like a character, and find them interesting and want to explore them deeper... and you may write them however you want. I can’t stop you. I don’t want to stop you. I have no wish to prevent people from enjoying characters and shipping them with others... And I understand it can be hard to find that people don’t always see a character the way you do (BELIEVE ME I KNOW) but…

What I would like to stop is all of the “Stop making my murderous baby boy a villain” posts because people are just as entitled to not want to fluffy bunny a character that can be legitimately read as a bad person as others are to do so.

 And I’m sorry but Patron Min.ette are bad people. Yes. Society has failed them. Yes they have understandable reasons for becoming criminals... But having understandable reasons does not make murder okay??? Or, at least, it doesn’t mean that readers have to forgive or accept it. Bad people exist in real life, and they often have plenty of reasons for doing bad things... that does not mean we accept those bad things. And also, I mean... Mont.parnasse with his fashionable clothes... is very clearly not just doing these things just to stay alive. Honestly the following conversation is not something I think very far fetched:

Random person #1: Why did you kill that man???? Mont.parnasse: Oh well he had this awesome coat and I wanted it.

And like... if you like that? If you find that interesting or fun to write about. That’s great. Do that. But also maybe accept that some people DON’T find that a particularly likable character feature, or find it funny, and instead may possibly view it negatively and that’s... also... fine? I don’t even usually include Mont.parnasse and co. in my stories because they never really interested me… And I write mostly fluff… But even though these posts that have been going around lately are not in anyway targeting my writing it still feels like there’s this idea that if you don’t think a difficult life means a character should never be classed as a villain you’re somehow not reading the brick right or you’re writing is inferior in some way. It’s starting to take on a ‘your way of being a fan is wrong’ vibe that I have seen in fandom so many times and which is never pleasant.  Are there people who write Patron Min.ette as 2D comic book villains? Yes. And 2D characters of any moral compass need work… And then there are also people on the opposite end of the line writing these characters more like school bullies or petty thieves rather than the actual genuinely feared criminals with a body count that they are in the book. Which is neither better nor worse. 

However, both of these things are more issues with writing, and it’s not really what I’ve seen people criticizing. There has been an upsurge in this general idea that people just aren’t ALLOWED to write Mont.parnasse etc in a way that is unsympathetic. At that point you’re moving away from constructive criticism regarding writing style and into policing the way people interpret and reconstruct characters to suit the particular story they’re telling. I’ve been trying to keep this to myself and just get on with it, but it’s become something I am seeing virtually every single day now and I don’t think it’s being done maliciously in most people’s cases... I love this fandom and everyone in it... but even the more friendly posts about this are still making things uncomfortable for me and others who just don’t see these characters in the light that a lot of people do, and who don’t feel like we can express that without worrying someone is going to take issue. People who write these characters as villains are not harming anyone, sometimes (depending on the type of story) they may over-dramatise certain traits or embellish them to suit the setting (i.e. fairy tale au might see a more fairy tale over-the-top beard twirly type of villainy whereas a modern au might make them and their crimes more realistic) however they are not assigning bad traits to random characters who are not at all bad in the novel, they are not usually even fundamentally changing them and they’re usually not assigning harmful tropes that affect or erase people. We are not in the realms of things like ‘Enjolras shows zero interest in women in the novel and can absolutely be read as queer but I don’t care imma make him straight and a womanizer’ here. People have plenty of fair reasons to write these characters as bad people just as others have fair reasons for writing them more sympathetically.

What I’m saying is there isn’t a right answer here so can people please get off their high horses and just let people make up their own minds and write things the way they find works best for them? Can we not insinuate that those who choose to portray bad people as bad people are somehow doing a dis-service to something they love.  Ultimately if you disagree with characterisation you can always stop reading something, but imposing your personal judgement of a character on everyone else and looking down on them for not conforming to how you think they should be reacting to something never ever works.than

[tetelfuentes]

Philippine Drug War

The Philippine Drug War refers to the drug policy of the Philippine government under President Rodrigo Duterte, who assumed office on June 30, 2016. This the policy is aimed at "the neutralization of illegal drug personalities nationwide".  His goal is to eliminate if not, to ease off the illegal drug distributors and users of the country.  That is why, this has been the continual content in his Presidential SONAs.

 On his first SONA (Published July 26, 2016)…

President Duterte said, “During my inauguration last 30 [June] 2016, I said that the fight against criminality and illegal drugs and corruption will be relentless and sustained. I reiterate that commitment today. And that is why I call on the Philippine National Police, the barangay chairmen, the Mayors, and Governors and all those occupying seats of power and authority, not to lower their guard. There will be no let-up in this campaign. Double your efforts. Triple them, if need be. We will not stop until the last drug lord, the last financier, and the last pusher have surrendered or put behind bars [applause] or below the ground, if they so wish. [applause]”

 On his 2nd SONA (Published July 26, 2017)…

The President stresses, “the fight will not stop [applause] until those who deal in it understand that they have to cease, they have to stop because the alternatives are either jail or hell. [applause] And I will make sure, very sure that they will not have the luxury of enjoying the benefits of their greed and madness.

I do not intend to loosen the leash in the campaign or lose the fight against illegal drugs. Neither do I intend to preside over the destruction of the Filipino youth by being timid and tentative in my decisions and actions. [applause]

To the critics against this fight, your efforts will be better spent if you use the influence, moral authority and ascendancy of your organizations over your respective sectors to educate the people on the evils of illegal drugs instead of condemning the authorities and unjustly blaming for every killing that bloodies this country.

But don’t get me wrong. I value human life the way I value mine. Each life that is snuffed out translates into future generations lost. It is like cracking the acorn from which an oak tree grows – which, in turn, produce the seeds to complete the cycle of [life in] perpetuity.”

On his 3rd SONA (Published July 26, 2018)…

The president continually stresses and stipulates, “ the war against illegal drugs is far from over. Where before, the war resulted in the seizure of illegal drugs worth millions of pesos, today, they run [into] billions in peso value. I can only shudder at the harm that those drugs could have caused had they reached the streets of every province, city, municipality, barangay and community throughout the country.

 This is why the illegal drugs war will not be sidelined. Instead, it will be as relentless and chilling, if you will, as on the day it began. These drug dealers know fully well that their business is against the law. They know the consequences of their criminal acts, especially when caught in flagrante delicto and they violently resist arrest. They know that illegal drugs waste away lives, dysfunctionalize families, and ruin relationships. They know that once hooked, addicts will die slowly – slow deaths. And yet, they persist in doing what they do, oblivious to the terrible harm that they cause to the people and communities.

 And when illegal drug operations turn nasty and bloody, advocates of human rights lash at – and pillory – our law enforcers and this administration to no end. Sadly, I have yet to hear really howls of protest from the human rights advocates and church leaders against drug-lordism, drug dealing and drug pushing as forceful and vociferous as the ones directed against the alleged errant [law] enforcers in the fight against this social scourge.

 If you think that I can be dissuaded from continuing this fight because of [your] demonstrations, your protests, which I find, by the way, misdirected, then you got it all wrong. [applause]

 Your concern is human rights, mine is human lives. [applause] The lives of our youth are being wasted and families are destroyed, and all because of the chemicals called shabu, cocaine, cannabis, and heroine.

 Human rights to me means giving Filipinos, especially those at the society’s fringes, a decent and dignified future through the social and physical infrastructures necessary to better their lives. The lives and freedoms and the hard-earned property of every Filipino whose condition we wish to improve shall be protected from criminals, terrorists, corrupt officials, and traffickers [of] contrabands.

 You worry about the present; I am concerned [about] both the present and the future. [applause] I worry about the future because I know what crimes can do to the youth of this country. If not stopped, crimes can make human cesspools of succeeding generations. I will not allow it to happen. Not during my term. [applause]”

 On his 4th SONA (Published July 22, 2019)…

President Duterte reiterates, “It has been three years since I took my oath of office, and it pains me to say that we have not learned our lesson. The illegal drug problem persists. Corruption continues and **emasculates the courage we need to sustain our moral recovery initiatives.

Years ago, we saw the terrible devastation caused by illegal drugs. On May 23, 2017, our law enforcers launched an operation to serve a warrant and to neutralize terrorists. A group of armed men with sophisticated weaponry and aided by locals radicalized by extremist dogma and teachings fought our troops for weeks. During that Marawi Siege, tons of shabu worth millions and millions of pesos. Drug money killed 175 and wounded [2,101] of my soldiers and policemen in that five-month battle.

 I am aware that we still have a long way to go in our fight against this social menace. Let the reason why I advocate the imposition of the death penalty for crimes related to illegal drugs. Our citizens have begun to do their part in the war against drugs, and through the barangay formation of anti-drug councils, and also actually surrendering bricks of cocaine found floating in the sea into our islands. I call this responsibility. However, the drugs will not be crushed unless we continue to eliminate corruption that allows this social monster to survive.

I respectfully request Congress to reinstate the death penalty for heinous crimes [applause] related to drugs, as well as plunder.”

 President Duterte himself admitted that he is not a killer, and is only saying colorful words as an expression. "I am not a killer. I have yet to kill one human being. When I say, 'I will kill you,' that's a statement coming from the mouth,” the President said during a forum in Russia.

He has also said there was nothing wrong with him threatening to kill anybody who destroys the Philippines. The President said that there is no law that prohibits him from threatening criminals. He has a duty to preserve the future generations, and he understands that fear has to be elicited from the drug addicts in order to force them to surrender peacefully.

The Presidential Spokesperson also clarified that the government's anti-drug policy is anchored on "national survival" and "accountability of those who bring the nation to the precipice of destruction".

The campaign is widely supported by FIlipinos. An independent survey in September 2017 showed that 88% of Filipinos support the Drug War. As of 2019, it is at 82%. 

Research by media organizations and human rights groups has shown that police routinely execute unarmed drug suspects and then plant guns and drugs as evidence. Philippine authorities have denied misconduct by police.

The policy has been widely condemned locally and internationally for the number of deaths resulting from police operations and allegations of systematic extrajudicial executions. The policy is supported by the majority of the local population, as well as by leaders or representatives of certain countries such as China, Japan and the United States.

[shirlleycoyle]

Nintendo Makes It Clear that Piracy Is the Only Way to Preserve Video Game History

After more than a decade online, Nintendo will be shutting down the company’s Wii Shop Channel this Wednesday. Nintendo removed the ability to purchase in-store currency (Wii Points) last March, and starting January 30, users will no longer be able to purchase any WiiWare or Virtual Console games from the service.

On its surface, the company’s move is easy to brush aside as the natural, evolutionary demise of a service tied to an aging console. Especially given Nintendo gave customers plenty of time to spend any remaining Wii Points long before the storefront was shuttered. But the day Nintendo pulls the plug on the Wii Store Channel should be a strong warning those who care about video game preservation, and any consumer who uses a digital store: We often don’t truly own products we buy digitally, and when one of these digital stores go down, piracy is often the only way to preserve its history.

As it stands, even after the store officially closes, Wii users will be able download any past titles they’ve purchased and downloaded from the Wii Shop Channel, provided they can fit them on either the Wii’s internal storage or an additional SD card. However, Nintendo said that in a yet unknown point in the future, the company will close all services relating to the Wii Shop Channel, “including the ability to redownload WiiWare and Virtual Console games, as well as the Wii System Transfer Tool, which transfers data from Wii to the Wii U system.”

That means that if the games users bought from the Wii Shop Channel are not already downloaded, or if whatever storage device users put them on is destroyed, they’ll lose them for good. Users could buy the games again from the Wii U’s Virtual Console, and they might be able to get them from Nintendo’s new subscription service on the Switch, but they’ll have to pay for it.

“What sucks here is that Nintendo didn’t build the infrastructure to allow people to support these games,” Frank Cifaldi, the founder of the Video Game History Foundation, told Motherboard in a phone interview. “It might be indicative how new Nintendo was to the Internet during the Wii era. Maybe they didn’t build it with the future in mind.”

Nintendo did not respond to a Motherboard request for comment.

“I’m not worried about the complete absence of zeros of ones from the world, piracy will always find a way”

The Wii Shop Channel wasn’t the first time Nintendo allowed users to download games (the Satellaview offered downloadable content way back in 1995), but it was a good, legal way to play many of the company’s classic games outside of tracking down old, physical copies. The Wii Virtual Console offered hundreds of games. At the moment. Nintendo Switch Online offers only 31 NES games. While Nintendo said it’s going to expand this library, likely with well-known classics like other Zelda and Mario games, there’s no guarantee it will offer more obscure games like Clu Clu Land, which was available from the Wii Virtual Console, and is still for sale on the Wii U Virtual Console. Will Nintendo keep offering obscure, old games and spend money on hosting them on the company’s servers if they’re not going to turn a profit?

“I think the fact that you’ve haven’t seen so much obscure stuff since [the Virtual Console] tells you something about Nintendo’s issues [with less known games],” Cifaldi said.

In the digital era, companies increasingly pull the rug out from under products consumers may falsely assume they actually own, notes Case Western Law Professor Aaron Perzanowski, whose last book The End Of Ownership highlighted this problem extensively.

“This situation is most reminiscent of Microsoft’s decision in 2016 to shut down its Xbox Fitness platform,” Perzanowski told Motherboard in an email. “Customers who thought they had purchased exercise content were told by Microsoft that it would no longer be available to download or access. The decision earned Microsoft criticism at the time, but given the relatively small user base, the story didn’t seem to get much traction.”

The quest to undermine consumer software ownership extends well beyond video games. As part of their effort to abuse copyright to monopolize repair, manufacturers like GM and John Deere have long claimed consumers don’t actually own the software in the vehicles and tractors they’ve spent thousands of dollars on.

The trend of eroding consumer ownership post sale isn’t just reserved to software. Hardware manufacturers now routinely brick expensive electronics they no longer want to support, or downgrade a video game console’s functionality post sale, again confusing customers who thought they owned a product, only to suddenly discover post-purchase caveats.

In Nintendo’s case, Perzanowski theorizes that the company either didn’t want to pony up the cash to protect the integrity of consumer purchases, or it simply wanted to force users to buy those same titles all over again.

“It could just be a pure economic calculus; the store costs more to maintain than it generates,” Perzanowski said. “If there are third party titles in the store, Nintendo might be unwilling to extend existing licensing agreements for those games. Or the decision might be related to some other platform or service Nintendo plans to roll out in the future that would otherwise compete with the Wii store.”

When companies make it too difficult for consumers to get the content they want (or hell, already own), users tend to flock to piracy as an alternative. Studies have shown that the best way to counter this copyright infringement is to focus on innovation; like making content cheaper and easier to access. In this case, Nintendo’s doing the exact opposite.

The company has made a habit of going after the largest, illegal distributors of its old games recently: ROM sites. As we wrote back in August, when Nintendo took down some of the biggest ROM sites on the internet, many people, including game developers, lost the only way they could access these games. Nintendo is well within its legal rights to take down ROM sites, but as Cifaldi notes, that puts video game preservationists in a difficult situation.

“Right now I can’t legally add any of these games to our library,” he said. “There’s no legal way of doing it.”

The fact that it’s illegal to download these games hasn’t stopped people from doing it. While the big ROM sites are gone and no clear alternative has popped up, it is still possible to find copies of all the games the Wii Virtual Console offered on the internet. For an accurate historical record, the Internet Archive is now even hosting the Wii Shop Channel’s HTML frontend (meaning the icons, manuals, descriptions), so future generations could see what it looked like.

“I’m not worried about the complete absence of zeros of ones from the world, piracy will always find a way, I just am very worried about everyday people being able to find and discover this stuff and be inspired by it,” Cifaldi said. “My big concern with video games going away like this is them not inspiring the artists of the future.”

Cifaldi noted that the work of Toby Fox, developer of the indie hit Undertale, is rooted in access to old games, as are the developers of Sonic Mania (widely considered to be the first good Sonic games in years), who got their start making fan games by hacking ROMs.

“It was the backbone of a commercial product that was making a lot of money for the company. I don’t know how we’ll make new art from old games,” Cifaldi said.

Given the complicated nature of these debates, many users may not fully comprehend just how they’re being screwed. It might seem like everything you bought from iTunes or Steam will be yours forever because Apple and Valve are too big to fail, but if those companies ever decide that it’s too expensive to let users download what they paid for, there’s no guarantee you’ll have access your games and movies. Keep in mind that the Wii wasn’t some unknown, failure of a device. It was a massive success, with over 100 million units sold, making it one of Nintendo’s most popular consoles. The Wii U, which is the best place to get these games once the Wii Store Channel is gone, sold only 13 million units. There are potentially millions of Wii owners who could lose access to their games unless they transfer them to a Wii U, which is not easy to get these days. Nintendo stopped manufacturing the Wii U in 2016, which has made them harder to find. You could buy a new Wii U from Amazon, but it will cost around $600.

Other consumers may simply view such behavior as unavoidable, Perzanowski said.

“Unfortunately, I think consumers are starting to see these moves as inevitable,” he said. “Especially for sophisticated digital consumers, like gamers, there is a growing sense that companies are likely to abuse their authority in ways that harm consumers.”

Whatever Nintendo’s motivation, there’s going to be plenty more behavior where this came from from other industry giants, and regulators like the FTC should do a better job ensuring that companies live up to their promises when it comes to product ownership.

Consumers need to do a better job fighting back as well, Perzanowski said.

“Consumers need to be vocal in their objections to these sort of bait and switch tactics,” he argued. “They need to develop a longer memory and vote with their wallets. These firms rely on consumers getting over their temporary outrage.”

Nintendo Makes It Clear that Piracy Is the Only Way to Preserve Video Game History syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[topicprinter]

To me, being an entrepreneur is like MacGyvre, an 80s action TV show where the main character would always use the things around him to escape from his enemies. He’s the type of character that would turn a dildo into a grenade launcher to blow a hole out of the prison wall, then use the bricks as body armor to protect himself from the onslaught of 100+ police officers shooting at him and actually survive.The art of entrepreneurship is the ability to use the limited resources around you to build something greater than you could’ve ever imagined. Whether it’s leveraging Facebook, Reddit, or Youtube, if you provide something of true value, your business will speak for itself.In this article, I specifically want to discuss how to start with no money andstill manage to build wealth in the right way. This formula will allow you to earn the money you’ve always wanted to earn and use it to fulfill your greatest dreams and beyond. I will explain my points by using my personal experiences. By the way, I’m never going to sell a book (I’ll only give them away for free).Phase I: Starting Out with $0When I dropped out of high school, I had $10,000 saved up (it was entirely money I made myself) from some methods that, while they didn’t really harm anyone, were not completely legitimate. Now, the goal of this article is to focus on building legitimate businesses, therefore I will save the experiences I did to earn this initial $10,000 for another post.With that being said, I didn’t spend any of my savings to start my first legitimate business, Appsitude. I was afraid to invest any significant amount of money in any business idea because I was worried the $10,000 I saved up would disappear quickly. As the story goes, I dropped out of high school in December 2014 and posted craigslist ads offering app development services (with no knowledge of how to code).Within 2 weeks of posting my first ad I’d gotten my first client for $16,500, with $7,500 paid upfront. I used some of this initial $7,500 to pay for developers in India and a designer. They completed the project and within three months I had around $100,000 worth of contracts (that were paid out over the course of the year and early 2016).When you start any business idea, I highly recommend you do something that costs very little to start. If you can make it succeed organically on its own (without paying money for ads, etc.), then you have a great potential business. Now when I say don’t spend any money, if you feel the need to have a website landing page or the sorts, it’s okay to spend that $50 (or more) to get it going. I’m not saying refrain from spending any money. My only point is that you should spend as little as possible to validate the concept.My point is that you should test the idea by offering the service/product to others as if it’s already been made to test their reactions. A friend of mine told me that he “pretended” to have a painting company and ended up getting £300 painting gig for 2 hours of work. This is a great example of a test on a small scale.Now imagine that my friend began marketing his services on Craigslist and other relevant sites. He could then start getting more gigs and begin contracting them out to other painters while making a nice margin (without doing the painting himself). This is the exact model I had for Appsitude.I started an app development company because it was a validated market where I knew I could get contracts that were almost risk-free for me (since I only had to spend money if I earned money).I didn’t want to build my own app and try to make it viral because I knew that it’d be expensive (relative to the $10,000 I had saved up) and very difficult to do since I felt that it wasn’t my path. If you have a lot of money saved up, it does not mean you should spend a lot of money just to get a business going. I’ve found that the most successful businesses are the ones that originally started with minimum capital.For example, you may look at certain video game companies announcing their skyrocketing sales and all of a sudden everyone assumes it means the company is doing well. At the end of the day, profit is the only thing that matters (if you want to make it succeed). It doesn’t matter if you sold $50m copies of your video game if you spent $65m to build it. Another example is of the many startups that have raised ridiculous sums of money (which often lie about how much they raised) and focus on gaining users rather than profit. At the end of the day, receiving investments in your company is still considered a profit if it means you have earned new money to accomplish what you want.Despite what I just said, I do plan to start a video game company at the end of the year and I want to make all of the games completely free (although extremely amazing and high-quality). I will “lose” millions of dollars but I’m willing to make the sacrifice in order to bring amazing fun for everyone and myself. So, as I’m saying, doPhase II: Now You Have MoneyOnce you’ve started your first business that has been reasonably profitable, you will likely start thinking of ways to make your business grow larger or pursue other ideas.When Appsitude starting making hundreds of thousands of dollars, I began realizing that, while it was a profitable business, I wanted to follow my passion. This turned out to be Cazza, my 3D printing construction startup.I used the leftover funds from Appsitude to invest in designing our new technology for Cazza. In March 2017 we’d started really running out of money (since I stopped working on Appsitude at the time) and thankfully we received our first 100k investment.Since I’d already made money before starting Cazza, it allowed me to understand the principles I needed to follow for any potential business I wanted to start. I always spent as little as I could on Cazza to maximize our results and not run out of money. As you may know, I ended up losing most of the funding after my ex-business partner stole it, but that isn’t a big deal because I always bounce back. The main point of Phase II is that once you have some experience and feel confident enough to invest your hard-earned money into a new idea (that requires money to get it going), you should do so.I’ve heard so many stories of people earning a lot of money in a random field, whether investment banking or something else, and they go invest a lot of their money in a shitty idea. They waste millions of dollars on a business concept that could’ve been validated for $1,000. You cannot lie to yourself if your business model is not going to work. You must also remember that just because your business hasn’t taken off yet, it doesn’t mean it never will.It is up to you to decide whether or not your business idea will eventually succeed. I launched the first version of Kelsey Coin in January and it had almost no users. Even as of writing this article today, we only have 51 users. The total investment was around $25,000 for building all of the platforms I want, and I still have not yet made a profit. The thing is, I don’t care because I know that this business model requires certain things to be achieved before it will take off. Kelsey Coin alone, while amazing, depends on Black Market World and World Home (which gives more places to use Kelsey Coin) in order to gain a larger following. Until these two other platforms are launched, Kelsey Coin will not become the massive success that it will soon become.There are also certain industries that are a lot harder to get into than others. Unless you feel really confident in your ability to market music and make money from it, entering the music industry (even as a label) is very difficult. The reason I say this is because it is very possible to do well, but there are far more things you must do in order to make a profit. I look at the music industry as this: the artist will get paid for shows, endorsements, and a cut from the amount of people that listen to the artist’s music on places like Spotify. Now, unless you manage to make massively viral videos like 6ix9ine, it will be very hard to make a lot of money in the music industry. 6ix9ine is a 6-figure artist who does well for himself although it can be hard to stay at the top without doing certain things for attention. I have a lot of respect for 6ix9ine and I fully support everything he’s said on the news, even if it was for trolling/attention. Why? Because I’ve done the same.Now keep in mind, the other issue with the music industry is that you have to continuously make hit songs that justify people paying you $30,000 for one show. Of course you can leave a legacy where old songs you made 10 years ago bring money in today, but it’s not the best way to depend on remaining financially successful. At the same time, the music industry is filled with leeches who want to take a cut of every dollar you make. This is the same as other industries, but in my personal experience, the music and movie industries are quite vicious.I’m entering the music industry (and soon film industry) but I’m doing it out of my passion rather than trying to make money. When I say this, of course I’m not saying it’s bad to make money from the music industry, I am just specifically saying that I personally don’t care to make money from it.The thing is, once my music does take off, it will help my other businesses earn more money, so it always positively affects me in other ways even if I don’t earn money from Spotify plays or shows. Although, if someone is adamant they want to pay me for a show, I won’t say no.At the end of the day, you must always face the realities of the business you are in. You should always keep a positive attitude, but don’t blind yourself from the truth. One of my friends has a million-dollar revenue “blockchain” company. He knows that the hype of blockchain will soon disappear. Instead of lying to himself that the business will always continue to make the same amount of money it does now, he is already preparing himself for the next stage of his business and other ideas along the way (because he’s smart).Phase III: The World Is YoursOnce you have all of the money you could’ve ever wanted and more, it’s time to give back (and even before then it’s nice to give back). I never realized how much money can make people happy. In November 2017 I went out with my friends from Canada and we talked to random homeless people in Hollywood. We listened to their stories and gave them help if they needed. It completely changed my life.I realized that a lot (not all) of homeless people are more normal than I thought. It gave me a very positive outlook on the world because I realized that very soon we will be able to completely end poverty. When I first began Cazza, I knew we’d be able to reduce construction costs and help build proper housing for everyone in the world. The difference is that I didn’t realize how big of an impact it would be until I met the actual people I’d soon be helping.There will be a certain stage in your life where you will begin to see beyond money. A lot of broke people like to say that my life is surrounded by money but this is an ignorant statement. They assume that because I’ve become financially successful, my life only revolves around my net worth. The irony is that I am one of the least materialistic people on the planet and I could lose every material thing to day and not have a care. As I said on another post, I know this to be true because it has already happened to me. I won’t go into details of the things I’ve done for people even after I lost it all, but I know one day they will tell others what occurred. I don’t care about having my name as the person who is “oh so generous,” I simply want people to know that if I can be generous while on my last dime, so can they.At the end of the day we are all humans and we have to work together to continue bringing a beautiful future for the world. There will be a day where people no longer feel the need to screw other people over because they won’t feel desperate for money. I believe, this day will come sooner than any of us imagine.

[sarahburness]

Why Failed Relationships Aren’t Actually Failures: 5 Lessons on Love That Doesn’t Last

“Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” ~Lord Alfred Tennyson

I’ve always loved relationships—the euphoria of early romance, the comfort of built intimacy, and the experience of adventuring through life with someone else. While there are some pretty snazzy parts of being single, I was a sucker for love from a young age.

Now, I also didn’t meet my fiancé until I was thirty—which means I’ve seen my share of the romantic downside as well. With the highs of love come the lows of romantic breakdown: heartache, loss, and the grief of things not working out. Regardless of how they happen, breakups aren’t easy, and it’s common to think of a relationship’s ending as a failure.

But is it?

The dictionary defines failure as “the nonperformance of success or expectation.” If the point of a relationship is to be together until death-do-us-part (or until we ride off into the sunset and the credits roll) then yes, a breakup is not exactly a success.

But what if that’s not the point? Maybe we can still strive for a love that lasts while reframing our ideas of the loves that didn’t.

The following is a compilation of lessons I’ve learned from my own “failed” relationships, a mixtape of why “failed” love isn’t actually a failure at all.

While our definition of that word may vary, I encourage you to read on with an open mind. There just might be more success in your own past than you previously thought.

1. Relationships teach us about ourselves.

Whenever one of my previous relationships was coming to an end, it usually began with the finding of incompatibilities—disagreements as small as where to eat or as large as whether or not to have kids.

The inconsistencies in beliefs often showed me more about myself than they did the other person. I had to date an atheist to find out how much I really wanted to believe in God. I had to date someone who liked to stay home to realize how much I liked being social. While finding these incompatibilities was anything but fun, in retrospect I see they were a map to finding myself.

2. Relationships show us where we can grow.

There’s a saying that I’ve always liked: “Relationships pour miracle grow on our character defects.” When I was in a relationship that pushed my buttons, I realized which buttons were there to be pushed: things about myself I wouldn’t have noticed until another person made them glaringly apparent.

For example, dating someone with a lot of female friends showed me that I was pretty insecure; while at first his social circle seemed to be the problem (how dare he hang out with other women, right?) over time I realized that it was my own self-esteem that needed attention. Although this “button pusher” relationship didn’t stick, it showed me where my work was.

Through examining my buttons (rather than the button pusher), I was better equipped to do the self-work that would allow me to show up more fully for every future relationship, romantic or not.

3. Relationships allow us to practice vulnerability.

It’s pretty scary to open our hearts up to another person. After all, none of us really know what the future holds, right? Those of us who have experienced our fair share of heartache have even more reason to be cautious: We know what it’s like to lay our hearts out on the line and give someone the option of smashing them to smithereens. (While it’s helpful to avoid this heart-smashing type of relationship, it happens to the best of us, and the possibility is always there.)

Yet, being vulnerable in the face of potential loss is truly the bread and butter of life. Sure, we could play our cards close to our vest and lessen the likelihood of possible harm—but in turn, we also lessen the likelihood of truly being known.

Regardless of how a relationship has ended, when I’ve allowed myself to fully open my heart to another person I am reminded that it was not a waste at all; it was a brick in the road of living my fullest life.

4. No love is ever wasted.

When in the throes of a relationship, we often have our heart set on not just our partner, but on our future with that partner. This is often the hardest thing about a relationship ending: You don’t just lose what you’ve shared, but the imagined future that you’d included the other in.

When that future vanishes, it’s common to look back on the shared past with regret. But what if expressing love, kindness, and shared intimacy is an end in and of itself?

As humans we love to keep our eyes on the outcome and the finish line, but forget that it’s the journey to that mountaintop that shapes us. As the quote above reads, “Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

Whether the act of love is in the present or the past, it existed all the same—and if we allow it to do so, it can remind us of the most beautiful side of the human condition.

5. Our past loves played an important role in our lives.

Each person that journeys beside us on the road of life not only shapes who we will become, but also how we feel as we get there.

My first love and I moved across the state to pursue our individual dreams. While our relationship didn’t last, we were a safe haven for the other in an unfamiliar and daunting time.

On the flip side, those unhealthy relationships that, on the surface, appear all wrong can help us more wisely choose a partner in the future.

While it would be great to learn lessons from other people’s experiences, most of us have to find out what we want by trial and error—from dating a few (or a bunch) of the wrong people before we can identify the right one. Even the most painful relationships in my past helped me learn who I wanted to be with (as well as who I wanted to be) in the future.

—

Some endings are inevitable. Being able to see the positives in our past doesn’t mean those relationships have any business in our present. It does, however, mean that instead of looking at what we lost when something ended, we can remember what we gained as well: perspective, strength, and experience.

If failure is the nonperformance of success, then let’s demand to expect only growth from ourselves, and define success as the amount of love that we gave. Because love is never lost…

It simply changes shape.

About Melissa Pennel

Melissa Pennel is a coffee drinker, over thinker, and empowerment coach in Northern California. Find more of her writing on her blog. Catch up with Melissa on Instagram, Facebook, or on her website.

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The post Why Failed Relationships Aren’t Actually Failures: 5 Lessons on Love That Doesn’t Last appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/failed-relationships-arent-actually-failures-5-lesons-love-doesnt-last/