#I tag as if this is not the first fic-type thing I've ever written on here. lmao

[kerink]

in light of people's confusion over cecil's longevity in @sexymanotd i wanted to document a bit of his history for those unfamiliar or nostalgic

welcome to night vale is a podcast written by joseph fink and jeffrey cranor. cecil gerschwin palmer is the main character and voiced by cecil baldwin.

it debuted on june 15, 2012 it reached its peak in popularity in 2013-2014

despite this, wtnv has been one of tumblr's top fandoms since staff started tracking fandom-related data in 2014

for the longest time the only thing we knew about cecil's appearance was: "He is wearing a tie. He is not tall or short. Not thin or fat." and that wasn't until episode 19 which aired march 15, 2013. for almost a full year we had no idea what cecil looked like. so tumblr's collective unconscious kicked into high gear and we did what we do best

we created a tumblr sexyman

from know your meme: "Defining traits of the archetype include skinny body type, trickster or villain role and dapper clothing."

know your meme identifies wheatley (portal 2, 2011) and the onceler (the lorax, 2012) as being likely tumblr's first sexymen. and the onceler fandom was at its peak in 2012-2013, the same time as wtnv. in addition to this, the hannibal fandom has been cited as one of the contributing factors to wtnv's success on tumblr.

so tumblr had created an archetype that worked and the wtnv fandom was made up of mostly hannibal fans - the foundation for putting cecil in a suit was there. and honestly? cecil's at work in the show, why wouldn't he be well dressed?

however, while this explains his attire it doesn't explain some of cecil's more unique sexyman features, namely the tentacles. for this we have to return to the 2014 fandom review analysis where you can see the most popular fandom at the time: homestuck

haven't you ever wondered why almost a quarter (189/923 at time of writing) of E rated wtnv fics on ao3 are tagged tentacles or tentacle sex? why cecil having tentacles for a dick is such a seemingly popular headcanon? well look no further then homestuck cultural hold over.

throughout all of this, the development of the sexyman archetype on tumblr and the rise of homestuck, one creator really stands out: kinomatika

kino was one of the most popular homestuck artists on tumblr at the time, popular for their eridan fanart. if you google image search "welcome to night vale" kino's art is still one of the first results you'll get

their design was so popular in fact it was featured in wtnv related articles from the time

and yes there were absolutely other artists giving cecil tentacles and moving tattoos at the time, but it can't be understated the reach kino had and the influence their homestuck roots had on their design choices

i recommend going through the archive of @nightvaleartclub to see how cecil used to be portrayed back in the early days. unfortunately the earliest fanart i've been able to find is july 2013 and i find it hard to believe it took tumblr a year to draw him. although, i started listening at episode 5 and didn't start drawing him until then myself so who knows...

cecil has had tumblr's heart in a vice grip since episode 1, with "20,000 posts, 183,000 blogs and 680,000 notes using the #Night Vale tag" during its first week. tumblr's love for wtnv has always been fairly genuine, from the impact the writing has had on tumblr humor and future story telling, to how wtnv paved the way for lgbt+ representation in indi media, to how it popularized podcasts as a medium for story telling, to the little comforts some of cecil's quotes still bring people today

cecil is not only a founding father of tumblr culture, but also a blorbo of the people. cecil the character in canon has a tumblr account where he posts his art and slash fanfiction.

although cecil's character has developed over time and we've come to see what a ditzy, eccentric, brat he really is, changing his status from sexyman to babygirl, cecil is absolutely a character you should embrace. and you know what... despite what i've said in the past

#cecilsweep

[ID: Images one and two are Google analytic graphs for the search terms "welcome to night vale" and "wtnv" between June 15, 2015 and January 27, 2023. They both depict very sharp spikes around 2013-2014 until the lines decrease greatly over time.

Image three is a drawing of Cecil from Welcome To Nightvale. He is white, with white hair, glasses, a third eye on his forehead, and he is wearing a suit. In the background is the silhouette of a neighborhood from the WTNV official art, a galaxy, and a moon. It is tinted purple. Image four is the always has been meme. Instead of the earth is the tumblr logo, and the text is: “a wtnv fansite?” “Always has been”. End ID] id thanks to @princess-of-purple-prose

[jeongheart]

super shy

summary: he's been receiving these letters for the past year but, he doesn't know your name, does he?

w.c: 7.1k.

tags: friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life.

a.n: this is the longest fic i ever written omg, i've been playing new jeans latest comeback for a few days and this is the result lol. as always, english is not my first language so sorry in advance for any mistakes. leave your thoughts if you liked it, means a lot!

It was there again.

Sitting immaculately on top of his messy folders, the envelope was white without any type of decoration, the owner of the cursive handwriting wouldn't even risk placing a sticker since it could give a clue, even minimal, about who was behind it.

The classroom was almost empty, since recess ended a few minutes ago and the students were still lazily getting up from the grass where they were lying, not wanting to lock themselves in a room again for hours while the day was shining beautifully outside the building.

However, Chan looked around him, narrowing his eyes as he scanned his classmates for the smallest trace of uneasiness as he took the envelope in his hands. But he didn't find any, unless the author had a master's degree in poker face no one around him seemed interested in what he was doing.

After the failed scrutiny, he sat down again with no care on the wooden bench, eager to read what that person had to say today. This excited feeling was new for him, the letters had been arriving about a year ago, right at the beginning of the new semester and at first, Chan found it funny. Surely one of his friends (he bet his life on either Seungmin or Minho, those two were always up to something no matter how much they said they weren't) found it fun to piss him off this year, after all, it has been a long time since his last relationship and sometimes he felt the need of affection, so the "joke" made perfect sense in his head.

He didn't read them the first few months, he just crumpled them up and kept them in a hidden place in his backpack, to let whoever was behind them know that he wasn't interested. But they kept coming even after that vile act against someone's real feelings; and that was when Chan began to question if there really was a person genuinely interested in him, interested enough to send him handwritten letters as if they were living in a classic romance novel. The person had a beautiful vocabulary, and it was clear that they paid attention to details that he didn't even noticed about himself.

The notes weren't very long since they didn't exceed ten lines, but each word was full of admiration and affection. They always reminded him to eat and take care of his health, in addition to telling him day by day one of the qualities why his mysterious person had fallen in love with him. Chan blushed every time he read those reasons, it was no secret (to himself, since he didn't like others to know) that he didn't think very highly of himself; from his point of view there was nothing nice or admirable about his existence. But this person believed just the opposite, and they had made their life's mission to let him know that every day.

Today was no exception, the lined sheets were a pastel color (pink? orange?) and had small animal decorations at the bottom and top (he noticed that these came in "groups", the representative animal of these last ten notes was a smiling giraffe). It was incredibly adorable, and Chan found himself laughing softly every time he took out the contents of the envelope.

'Mondays are always hard! Especially this time of year (can't the professors trust in me and my knowledge of things? I don't see the need for them to take a test).

Anyway, Channie, this weekend I found myself thinking a lot about you, every time I start writing my reasons I feel like I'm going to be left speechless but then I remember that it's not difficult at all to love you. So here is another one:

Your resilience, I greatly admire your ability to always get up no matter how many blows life throws at you. The vast majority of us feel discouraged by the slightest inconvenience, but not you. And that is something incredible.

I hope you have a beautiful start to the week, remember to eat your meals and feel the sun.

Fondly,'

And that's how all the letters ended, the author seemed to hesitate every time they traced the last line, he could feel the uncertainty even on the paper. Chan knew that they were shy and always wondered when they were going to stop being to finally sign with their name and be able to meet that person who stole his heart with every word.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡

He was reading the note, hunched over his things, almost shielding the contents of the paper from the prying eyes of anyone who passed by him. You knew he was going to do it (he always did) but you couldn't stop your heart from racing like it was the first time it happened. You watched him from the hallway, hiding behind one of your textbooks while a silly smile appeared on your face, nothing made you happier than making him happy with your words, it's true what people say about "butterflies in the stomach" because that was what you were feeling right now.

His eyes crinkled in the most adorable way possible every time he smiled and from your spot in the hallway you could almost hear the sigh he let out after finishing reading the letter. After scanning his surroundings one last time, Chan placed the paper back into the envelope, and carefully placed it inside his notebook.

"You and your Shakespeare complex again" The sudden voice of your best friend so close made you jump in your place and drop the book you had in your hands. It hit the ground with a dull sound due to the thickness of its contents, and when you picked up the book again you turned around to face the figure of the perpetrator. He just laughed at you and your reaction, which earned him a closed-fist blow directly to his shoulder.

"You deserve it" You didn't even bother to return his reproachful gaze since he clearly felt like fighting, and instead, you returned your focus to Chan's classroom and his figure. He was no longer in his seat and you didn't want to look weird by leaning out the window door to look for him. So you sighed heavily and leaned your body against the wall while closing your eyes.

Until you felt Jeongin's presence come to your side "Are you going to tell him sometime?"

You didn't answer him.

Well, actually you did, with a growl that could mean either 'I'll do it today, stop bothering' or 'not even dead'. However, the blonde wasn't satisfied with your interpretation of an animal as a response and he began poking your ribs with his long fingers, drawing high-pitched sounds of protest from your lips.

"Stop it, Innie" You moved his hands away from your figure and stood firmly looking him in the eyes like a mother who is trying to discipline her misbehaving son. He crossed his arms with a satisfied smile crossing his face with foxlike features and, with a movement of his head, he invited you to speak.

"What do you want me to say? 'Hello Chan! It's me, the person who has been sending you letters like a fifteen-year-old for a year now. I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you at my best friend's house. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" You rolled your eyes tiredly and didn't wait for Jeongin to tell you what he thought, and so you started walking towards your classroom, with an exasperated five foot seven boy following closely behind you.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡

You still remembered the first time you'd seen him, and how couldn't you. His presence could illuminate even the darkest corner, and his personality attracted anyone around him.

It was the summer, and you'd gone to Jeongin's house to spend an afternoon together. The air conditioning in your apartment had broken two days ago, and you couldn't stand being in your room for another second, which was already beginning to feel like an industrial oven. When you arrived at your best friend's residence, you weren't surprised by the fact that there were more people than just the two of you. Jeongin was taking singing lessons at a nearby academy and had hit it off with some of his classmates; so while you didn't know them as well as he did, you had the chance to hang out with some of them a couple of times and you could say that they were the funniest guys you'd ever come across. Especially Hyunjin, who seemed to be like a glove with your best friend.

Jeongin's house felt cold, as if winter had come only for the Yang family and, although you shivered with every step you took towards the kitchen where voices could be heard, this felt like paradise compared to the hell you lived in your house (and you even thought it was cooler in hell).

Reaching the kitchen, you heard Hyunjin's melodious voice followed by his nasal, boisterous laughter at a comment Jeongin made. You shook your head laughing inwardly as you pushed the wooden door open to enter the space, the boys turning their heads in your direction as they heard the hinges snapping back into place.

Your best friend gave you his characteristic smile as he got up from his seat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen island to give you a small hug "I thought you weren't coming anymore!"

From Jeongin's shoulder you saw how Hyunjin gave you a smile and a wave, you tried to return the gesture as best you could considering that you were trapped in the arms of a boy who flatly stated that he didn't like hugs. It was getting long in your opinion, so you patted Jeongin on the back, letting him know that yes, you loved him very much, but you were still sticky with sweat from the walk in the sun and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable when he was so cool. When Jeongin let go of you, he opened his palm to introduce you to a person you hadn't seen before, "I hope you don't mind, that's Chan over there. He also goes to our academy, and he goes to university with us! Although he is a year ahead"

You smiled at Jeongin as you walked further into the kitchen to greet the new guest and in front of you stood one of the most attractive men you'd ever seen in your entire life. He wasn't very tall (you could tell even if he was sitting) but his broad shoulders gave him an intimidating presence, his hair looked messy in a swirl of brown curls, and although he was dressed from head to toe in black (you were sure his nails were painted that color too) on his face was a dimpled smile that took your breath away.

From one moment to the next you forgot how to articulate words and you felt like a fish opening and closing its mouth trying to find something to say, but your brain didn't seem to want to work.

You felt a small push on your right shoulder that took your body forward, towards the table, and towards Chan.

"How rude you are" Jeongin rolled his eyes, and although deep down you knew he was doing it to tease you, your cheeks turned red. You felt your tongue heavy in your mouth as the seconds passed and you were unable to utter a single word.

"Leave her alone, Innie. It's pretty hot outside, isn't it?" Chan's deep voice brought you out of your trance and forced you to look him in the eyes. He had a sincere smile on his face and was watching you with raised eyebrows, letting you know that he was going to listen to you when you wanted to respond.

Your heart did a complete turn in your chest, you were surprised in the best of ways at how friendly he was, the vast majority of boys with his attractiveness made that their only personality trait but he was attentive and considerate of all the people around him, even with complete strangers who hadn't stopped looking or saying anything to him in three minutes.

"Yes...yes, it's horrible! And the air conditioning in my house is broken and you can't imagine how hot it is! I feel like I'm going to die one of these days" The words came tumbling out of your mouth, since you hadn't had the time to stop and think about what exactly you wanted to say, and your nerves were playing the worst trick of your entire life.

Chan laughed again (even his laugh was pretty) and he nodded his head, not at all scared or surprised with the lexical vomit you just made.

"It must be like torture, really. You must be tired from the walk under the sun, why don't you sit down for a bit? The boys and I were planning to watch a movie" The brunette softly kicked one of the stools that were stored under the table in your direction.

You nodded shyly and took the seat he offered you, right in front of him. You left your phone on the cold marble of the table and looked around the kitchen for your best friend, you'd been surprised by the fact that he hadn't gotten into the conversation for five minutes and to be honest you desperately needed to focus on something other than Chan's penetrating gaze you felt on your face.

"Innie?" You called out to him with a small shout, loud enough for him to hear you even if he'd gone into the garden.

After a few seconds, your friend's blonde head peeked out of the left door that led to the living room, and a mischievous smile appeared on his face. "I'm sorry! Since you two were talking, we decided to go prepare things for the movie."

Jeongin paused and looked at you evilly, a look that you knew very well and that didn't give you a good feeling at all "Chan, why don't you prepare something to eat? I bought some snacks today, come when you have everything ready~" And before you could protest, he disappeared from your sight again while laughing and yelling something at Hyunjin.

You immediately tensed up and cursed Jeongin in your mind, how dare he leave you alone with your newfound crush. If he was getting revenge for the time you tried to play matchmaker and failed then he was being very childish, that'd been years ago!

While the insulting thoughts against your best friend and all his ancestors accumulated in your brain, from the corner of your eye you watched as Chan got up from his seat and went to the counter where the mentioned snacks and bowls of colors were located, apparently the prankster you called your best friend had already prepared the trap before you even arrived.

You didn't want to look weirder than you already felt so with your limbs shaking and making even the slightest of movements difficult; you also got up from your seat and slowly approached where Chan was, you stood next to him (close enough for him to know that you were willing to help but far enough not to invade his personal space).

He looked at you briefly and smiled sideways, and didn't say anything as he gently pushed a bowl towards you. The task wasn't very complicated per se, but it did become extremely difficult when the only thing you could focus on were the large, veiny hands of the boy next to you, you hadn't realized how attractive it was to see a man opening packets of potato chips and arranging them in a small container until now.

"Jeongin said we go to the same university, do you study the same as him?" You were startled by the sudden interruption of silence, you turned to look at Chan after finishing preparing the bowl with the nachos.

"Yes, I mean, no. We share some classes because some subjects are correlative in each one's career but I could never do the same as Innie" You smiled shyly and shook your head.

"I study psychology," You finally said and looked at your companion, who had his eyes open and bright like a puppy's (how could it be possible for a person to be incredibly attractive and adorable at the same time? It would have to be illegal), and you wondered what it was that'd amazed him so much, there were millions of other people studying the same thing as you.

Without meaning to, you raised an eyebrow; studying his reaction. He laughed again (it was something he loved to do, apparently) and turned his entire body towards you, resting his left hip against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's incredible, the human mind is fascinating. I understand why you study that, for my part, I wouldn't read everything you have to read even if someone paid me."

You laughed loudly, infecting Chan as well. He was doing so with his whole body, his shoulders were shaking to the rhythm of his giggles and you could notice that, from time to time, a small squeak would appear in the sound of his laughter.

When the laughter died down, you looked at him again as you put the last bag of snacks in the cupboard in front of you.

"Yes, I mean, it's a lot to read but it's like you say. I'm interested in knowing the reason for behavior, and I would like to help people in the future. Mental health is something important" This last part came out in a whisper, you weren't used to revealing the reason for your career choice, most people told you that you should have chosen something that would make you rich in twenty years.

"That's incredible, I admire you a lot" Chan said in a soft voice, and you hadn't realized how close he'd gotten until you noticed the small touch of his fingers on your arm, the color quickly rose to your cheeks again and panic took over you, making you choke up when you spoke.

"Y-yes, thank you... not many think that way" And you moved your body away from his space; maybe a little abruptly but you were sure that if you continued in that position you were going to do or say something ridiculous, you couldn't trust your ability to reason at the moment.

Chan cleared his throat at your reaction and took two bowls in his hands, starting to walk towards the living room. You hadn't realized how loudly the other two boys were talking, were you so immersed in the situation to forget the outside world? Apparently yes.

"Are you done yet? The boys must be waiting" He stopped right in front of the door, waiting for you to take what you'd prepared.

You nodded softly, and after grabbing your preparations, you followed him into the living room.

You don't really remember what happened after that, you assume you watched the movies that the boys had already chosen before you arrived. You also don't remember if you had even paid attention, probably not, because you were very focused on keeping your breathing as normal as you could since unfortunately Hyunjin and Jeongin decided to each sit in an individual chair and by coincidence the only place left to sit was in the two-seat chair that your best friend's grandmother had given to his mother at her wedding, and conveniently Chan sat there too. So as the movie played on the screen, your heart raced with every accidental brush of your arms or legs against Chan's.

The only thing you remember clearly from that moment is that you couldn't help but look at his profile, trying to memorize every detail and every peculiarity of his expressions.

The rest of the summer felt like a haze, every time you made plans with Jeongin you knew Chan was going to be there. And that did nothing to dispel the feelings that were beginning to become more present with every minute you spent in his presence.

You liked him a little too much.

His kind nature and the way he treated everyone made you dizzy every time, but you were too shy to act on your feelings and unfortunately you weren't the only one who thought Chan was a good catch. Every now and then different girls approached him to ask him out, and although he always rejected them; you couldn't help but feel a little insecure about the situation. And there was also the small problem that he confessed to you one night in Hyunjin's garden: his last relationship had been somewhat toxic, and although it ended years ago, he was deeply hurt and didn't feel ready yet to fall for someone again.

That confession left a sour taste in your mouth, so you decided not to actively act on your feelings, you really didn't want to make Chan uncomfortable or force him into something he didn't want to do, let alone ruin the friendship you were building. But something as strong as love cannot be contained, and one sleepless night you found yourself scribbling in your notebook the things you wanted to say to him, the things you liked about him, and how he made you feel when you looked at him.

You weren't thinking when you left the first envelope on his desk, it was a completely impulsive decision that you regretted the moment you left his classroom. But when you turned around to go back and throw the letter into the trash, he already found it.

At first he didn't read them, you knew because you'd overheard when he mentioned it to Hyunjin during an outing the three of you made, Chan believed that one of his friends was playing a prank on him.

And that was the last straw that broke the camel's back, although you told yourself that you weren't going to write anymore letters for the sake of your friendship and your own feelings you had to let him know (even if anonymously) that he was someone worthy of love and that he wasn't what the people in his past made him believe he was.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡

Once you arrived at the classroom (miraculously before the professor, you didn't think you could endure another lecture and there were still three more hours before leaving the university) you sat down in your respective seat by the window. The day was really beautiful, and from your place you could see the large patio where the entire student body went to relax between classes, it was your favorite place in the entire building and at this moment you wanted nothing more than to be leaning against a tree feeling the warm sunlight on your face.

"I'm not saying you have to tell him that but don't you think it's been too long already?" Jeongin didn't seem to want to drop the topic for today, he'd gotten up from his seat taking advantage of the fact that there was still no sign of the teacher and sat at your table, almost knocking all the things that were on top of it to the floor. You rested your head on the bench and waved a hand in the air, brushing it off in an attempt to say 'leave me alone already'.

Your best friend snorted exasperatedly, "You really are a special case, you've been in love with him for a year, for God's sake."

At the boy's aggressive tone of voice, you took your head off the table and looked at him with a frown. He looked back at you like he always did: challenging and forcing you to speak for yourself.

"It's not as easy as you say, Jeongin" You spat angrily.

"For all I know, if he finds out, he could throw my stupid letters in the trash and confessing would not only make me look weird but it would also ruin the friendship we have" You lowered your face, feeling a little sad "And the last thing I would like to do is lose him"

Jeongin’s expression softened as he realized the depth of your anxiety, and he reached out to place a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I get it, I really do. You don't want to jeopardize what you have but you deserve happiness too, you know? Maybe it's time to take a risk."

“I don’t even think I have a chance” You sighed, feeling defeated.

Jeongin moved closer and lowered his voice conspiratorially, "You may have more possibilities than you think, but sometimes you have to give destiny a little push."

You raised an eyebrow at his choice of words and just as you were about to question him further, the professor made an appearance in the classroom ordering everyone to take their respective seats and apologizing for the delay. Your best friend flashed you a bright smile with his trademark dimples and snuck over to his table, effectively ending the conversation and leaving you wondering what he meant for the rest of the day.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡

If Jeongin's plan was for you to not sleep for a week, then he'd achieved it. His words had been spinning through your head like a whirlpool that seemed to have no end. You knew that he'd been friends with the brunette for a longer time than you, but were they close enough that the youngest knew the secrets inside Chan's heart?

Or was he giving you the advice that all friends gave to their other friends desperate to believe in the illusion that the person they like reciprocates their feelings? No, Jeongin wouldn't do that, he was too honest for his own good and besides you'd known each other longer (your mothers said you were born to be friends). So did that mean there really was a chance?

No, of course not, that was ridiculous.

You shook your head in an attempt to get rid of those thoughts as you rang the doorbell at Hyunjin's house. Your group had agreed to meet to study and you needed to have a clear mind, the exams were around the corner and you couldn't afford to keep your brain preoccupied thinking about something that would never happen.

The minutes passed slowly as you waited for the homeowner, and while you were thinking about ringing the doorbell again fearing that the boys inside hadn't heard you, the door suddenly opened, and nothing could have prepared you to see the person who has been living rent free in your mind, you knew he would be there, but you didn't expect to face him so quickly.

"Hey, you arrived just in time, Hyunjin's mom just brought us some drinks" Chan was his usual self, with his beautiful smile plastered on his face and his relaxed attitude.

You blinked once, twice, three times before you managed a small forced smile and responded, "Oh, great, thanks," and you stood there in silence, unable to look him in the eyes.

Chan tilted his head in silent question at your attitude, "Is everything okay?"

His concern for your well-being was evident in his voice and he struck a chord in your heart. You looked at him briefly, meeting his gaze for a fleeting moment and nodded, still struggling to find your voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You finally responded, trying to sound casual despite the jumble of emotions inside you.

Chan's friendly demeanor never wavered as he led you into the house, you followed him with a notable distance between your bodies and so when you arrived at the living room where the boys were already seated with open textbooks and a monstrous amount of things to eat you almost ran to sit next to Jeongin, an attitude that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, who looked at you with his eyebrows raised in a telepathic question.

Meanwhile, Chan didn't take his eyes off you as he sat next to Hyunjin on the couch in front of where you and your best friend were.

The afternoon went by slowly, too slowly for your liking, you'd gone with all the desire to study and get your mind out of the anxiety that was consuming you, but that attempt had been futile.

Although your gaze remained glued to your notes and your blue highlighter (which hadn't highlighted anything in the last hour, you'd read the same paragraph five times without getting a clue of what it was trying to say) you felt how two eyes were burning holes in your figure. The room was suffocatingly silent, and you were sure that your irregular breathing was evident to the entire group; your nerves were so on edge that when your best friend's voice filled the void you almost jumped in your place.

"I'm tired, how about we take a break?"Jeongin raised his arms towards the ceiling, stretching his back and then collapsing gracelessly against the soft cushions of the sofa.

Hyunjin nodded while massaging his neck, stiff after so many hours of looking down at his notes and reading "I thought no one was going to say it, I was going crazy."

Chan didn't say anything, he just closed his notebooks and imitated Jeongin in his relaxed pose against the couch. You felt out of place when the boys started chatting about meaningless things to lighten the atmosphere.

You only nodded when you felt your input was necessary, or laughed when you thought that was the reaction you should have but you didn't speak, because in fact, you weren't sure you were going to say anything coherent or at least make your voice louder than a whisper, so you decided that the best course of action was to stay quiet.

If the boys noticed it, they didn't say anything, and you couldn't be more grateful for it.

"You know" Chan interrupted the laughter of the other two boys after a not-so-funny story told by Hyunjin.

Everyone focused their attention on him, the tone of voice he'd used was more serious than his usual; so serious that it forced you to look up for the first time since the recess began and you found Chan's brown eyes looking directly at you, doing it so intensely that you thought he was staring right into your soul.

You held your breath, but you weren't prepared for what he said next.

"My secret admirer hasn't written to me in a few days" He was still looking at you, but there was something strange hidden in his irises, something you couldn't decipher.

Silence once again took over Hyunjin's living room, and the tension could be cut with a knife, it almost seemed like time had stopped when the brunette pronounced the last syllable. Your mouth felt dry, and your palms began to sweat. The weight of his words floated in the air and a thousand thoughts passed through your mind, each one more disconcerting than the last.

Hyunjin snorted, and looked maliciously at Chan "Maybe they are tired of you."

His mocking comment broke the heavy silence like thunder. Jeongin joined in with a playful smile, taking the opportunity to tease Chan mercilessly. “Maybe your secret admirer found someone else,” he joked, his tone light and teasing, “Or maybe they are just playing hard to get.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, wanting to burst while the boys laughed at Chan's expense while he, in response, rolled his eyes and smiled sarcastically at the jokes that his friends kept saying, he also looked at you from time to time making your discomfort even more evident.

You desperately searched for words to contribute to the conversation, your voice choked by the rising anxiety. But as Jeongin and Hyunjin's playful teasing continued, you remained silent, feeling like a bystander in a conversation that was becoming more cryptic by the second. Chan's gaze never left you, and despite the teasing, there was something in his eyes that betrayed a deeper understanding. His comment felt like a puzzle piece falling into place, yet you couldn't put your finger on what he truly knew.

As the laughter subsided, the room descended into an awkward silence once more, and then Chan finally spoke up, his tone more subdued than before. "Well, whoever it is," he began, his eyes still locked on yours, "I hope they know they've brightened my days with their letters."

The comment hung in the air, carrying a weight that seemed to pull everyone into its gravity. Jeongin and Hyunjin exchanged glances, their playful demeanor suddenly giving way to something more conspiracy.

You, on the other hand, felt an overwhelming mix of emotions. The anxiety that'd been building throughout the day reached a crescendo. You wanted to say something, to respond in some way, but the words caught in your throat.

Hyunjin broke the silence once more, this time with a touch of sincerity in his voice. "Whoever they are," he said, "they must really care about you, man." Jeongin nodded in agreement, and the room seemed to shift, it was a subtle transformation, but one that you couldn't help but notice.

Chan smiled, a genuine one that reached his eyes. "Yeah," he admitted, "They do mean a lot to me."

You desperately needed a moment to collect your thoughts and emotions after that serious conversation, so you mumbled something about getting a drink from the kitchen, excusing yourself with a weak smile and slowly, you retreated from the living room, the voices of the boys fading as you put some distance between you and the group.

In the dimly lit kitchen, you leaned against the countertop, your heart still racing from the tension in the room. The realization that Chan cherished those anonymous letters hit you like a ton of bricks. You'd never imagined how much they meant to him.

Just as you were lost in thought, the sound of footsteps behind you made you jump. You turned to find Chan standing there, a serious yet gentle expression on his face. His presence seemed to fill the room with warmth, and your anxiety ratcheted up another notch.

"Hey," he said softly, "You okay?"

You nodded, unable to form words an he took a step closer, his gaze never left yours.

Chan's brown eyes bore into yours, and for a moment, it felt like the world had frozen around you. You couldn't contain the thoughts racing through your mind any longer. With a trembling voice, you finally asked the question that'd been gnawing at you.

"Do you know who's been sending those letters?"

Chan's expression remained calm, but you could see a glimmer of something in his eyes, a hint of knowing. He didn't answer immediately, instead, he stepped closer, narrowing the distance between you.

His voice was soft as he replied, "I have a feeling I might have a clue."

Your heart pounded in your chest as you searched his face for more hints. What did he mean by 'a clue'? It was clear he was being deliberately vague, and it only added to your curiosity.

"But," he continued, "I'd like to hear it from you. Tell me, do you know who it is?"

You hesitated, the weight of the truth pressing down on you. The walls between you and Chan seemed to dissolve, and the vulnerability in his eyes was mirrored in your own. With a shaky breath, you summoned the courage to speak, your voice quivering with fear and anticipation.

"It's me."

The admission hung in the air, heavy and uncertain. You couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, your eyes locked on the floor as you waited for his reaction. The seconds felt like hours as you replayed all the letters, and the emotions you'd poured into them.

Chan's silence stretched, and the tension in the room became palpable. Your heart raced, and you feared the worst — rejection, awkwardness, or even laughter.

Then, he reached out, gently lifting your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look into his eyes. The warmth and kindness in his gaze melted away your fears.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice soft and sincere. "I've cherished every single one."

As tears welled up in your eyes, Chan reached out to gently wipe them away with his thumb. He pulled you into a comforting embrace, holding you close as your emotions overwhelmed you. You couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and they flowed freely as you nestled into his embrace. He whispered soothing words, his voice a balm to your soul, reassuring you that everything would be okay.

After a moment of shared comfort, you pulled away slightly, looking up at him with curiosity. "But how did you know it was me?" you finally asked, your voice still trembling.

Chan smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face, a knowing twinkle in his eye, and replied, "I had my suspicions, especially after some of the things you wrote. But what really gave it away was your handwriting."

You blinked in surprise.

Handwriting? You hadn't considered that, no, haven't even thought about it when you started this a year ago, and to be honest you felt a little dumb.

Chan continued, "I recognized your handwriting from a birthday card you gave me a while back. It was similar to the writing in the letters. And then, well, I saw you looking at me during our hangouts, and it all just started to make sense."

You blushed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief. It seemed like you'd left more clues than you thought. But instead of feeling exposed, you felt a strange sense of comfort knowing that he'd noticed your feelings all along.

With a shy smile, you said, "I guess I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, am I?"

Chan chuckled softly. "No, but that's okay. I'm glad you told me."

As you gazed into Chan's eyes, you noticed something change in his expression. The initial surprise and curiosity gave way to a more tender, understanding look. He cupped your face gently, his touch warm and reassuring.

"You know," he began softly, "I've always appreciated those letters. They made me feel special, like someone out there truly understood me. And I never wanted to pressure you into revealing yourself," Chan continued. "I wanted you to do it when you were ready."

"I was just afraid," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "Afraid of what you might think, of how it might change things between us."

Chan's thumb traced small circles on your cheek as he reassured you, "Don't be. This doesn't change how I feel about what we have. If anything, it makes it even more special."

A tear escaped from the corner of your eye, but this time, it wasn't a tear of anxiety or fear. It was a tear of relief, of happiness. You leaned into Chan's touch, and he leaned closer, his eyes locked on yours, and before you knew it, his lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss. The world seemed to melt away as your lips met his, you felt the warmth of his body against yours, and the sensation sent shivers down your spine. His hands cradled your face, holding you gently but firmly, as if he never wanted to let you go.

The taste of his lips was sweet and comforting, like a warm embrace on a cold winter's day, you could feel the steady beat of Chan's heart, matching the rhythm of your own. The world around you disappeared, and there was only the two of you.

And just as you were lost in that sweet moment, the kitchen door burst open, and in walked your friends, their playful banter filling the room while wearing grins so wide they threatened to split their faces. Jeongin couldn't help but tease you, waggling his eyebrows playfully. "Well, well, looks like someone finally got the courage to make a move!"

Hyunjin joined in with a mock-sympathetic tone. "And here we thought we'd have to wait another century for this to happen!"

You blushed furiously, pulling away from Chan who chuckled in amusement, still holding you close. "You guys have impeccable timing," he remarked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Jeongin winked at you, "Hey! We're just glad we won't have to hear you two mooning over each other anymore."

[mothdruid]

Within the past 72 hours the TGM fandom got a fire put under it's ass, for lack of a better term/phrase. Even though I'm not as active in the fandom anymore, it did make me want to talk about a few things. This isn't the first time that I've had to make a post similar to this, usually speaking about reblogs and keeping your fanfic writers feeling wanted within the fandom spaces, but today I'm going to talk more about fandom etiquette and my experiences in fandom spaces. So, if you want to hear my opinion on fandom etiquette, how I learned fandom etiquette, and my thoughts about the doxing situation that has happened, keep on reading.

My Fandom Experience.

The first fandom that I was ever a part of was The Hunger Games fandom in the 8th grade (if you don't include my anime fandoms). I was 12-13 at the time. This was when I was first introduced to Tumblr and being involved within a fandom online. At the time I was super young, barely even knew who I was as a person, let alone in a fandom space. All I did was reblog little gifsets and fawn over Josh Hutcherson. I remember getting my first hate anon, even though I didn't do anything that would generate that to even happen. Even when I was 12-13, I couldn't understand why anyone would send a hate anon. That was when I found out a friend of mine found my Tumblr and actually secretly hated me, so she sent me hate anons. Still, before I knew it was her I didn't understand.

Fandoms were a formative part of my childhood. I think that main one that helped form me though was the Supernatural (yeah, I know, eye roll), Naruto, and The Hobbit fandoms. I had made friends on Tumblr and Instagram through these fandoms. During these times was when I had first started consuming fanfiction. Specifically, destiel and thilbo fanfiction. This is how I started to find the things in fanfiction that I loved, and the things that I hated. Instead of sending hate to the writers for their thoughts and stories that I didn't agree with, I would back out of the story or just scroll past. Not only that, I also started to use the filters on AO3 constantly, ensuring that I was only reading the fics that I knew I'd enjoy. Also, I was careful to read warnings and tags prior to reading the fic. Never once did I blame the writer for something that I knew I didn't like and accidentally read or read for see what it was about.

After high school was when I started getting into fanfiction writing. I've written for a lot of fandoms during this time. The IT movies, Total Drama, Haikyuu, Attack on Titan, Marvel, Bridgerton, Top Gun: Maverick, and currently ASOIAF. As a writer I've never gotten hate, thankfully, but I have had a lot of friends that have. It's sad to see so many people who take the time to write, whether it's enjoyable or not, receive hate. As writers we are simply expressing our creativity for the things that we love. Since posting fanfiction on tumblr, I have experienced a lot of people pestering for new updates and when the next fic is, and so have a lot of other writers on here. Even though people only know us as a little icon and username, fanfiction writers are people. We have lives outside of writing fanfiction. Everyone also isn't the same type writer. One person may easily write multiple fics every week, some of us take longer, and some of us are even just passion writers (me lol).

The TGM fandom has been one of the most negative fandom experiences I've ever seen/had. It is full of some of the meanest people/anons I've ever seen. From writers being attacked for fic ideas, people being sent hate for something that the anon has full control over, and people constantly expecting new stories to read on the daily. Yes, I do know that other fandoms have these issues, but it seems to be almost a weekly, hell, even daily thing within this fandom. A lot of the issues that I see happen in this fandom are from people who don't understand fandom etiquette.

Fandom Etiquette.

If you had noticed there was a few things I put in bold above. These are key things that I learned during my time that attribute to fandom etiquette. So without further a do, I'll list out some fandom etiquette rules that I follow all the time.

Don't send hate anons to people

Block/unfollow people you don't like

If you don't like an idea or fic, don't read it

Read through all warnings and tags that the writer provided

Use AO3 filters

Don't blame the writer/creator for reading things they created that you actively know you don't like

Writers/Creators aren't "content farms"

There are people behind these blogs/usernames, treat them like someone you'd see on the street

Writers/Creators are expressing love/passion for something, don't hate them for doing that

If you see something fandom related that you don't like, scroll past it or ignore it

YOU CURATE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE (ESPECIALLY ON TUMBLR)

The Doxing Situation.

For those who are unaware but decided to read this anyways, recently there was a writer (Mama Mayhem) on here who got doxed from another writer in the fandom. Mayhem has since lost her job due to the doxing. This was apparently from her breaking HIPAA by posting a picture into a private groupchat/discord. This picture was posted almost a half year ago. Meaning that the person who reported/doxed Mayhem had known about this picture for months and only recently decided to do something about it.

I'll start by saying that I also work in healthcare, and know many other people here who do. I understand that a HIPAA violation is 100% an offense that gets you fired. I'm not excusing the HIPAA violation if one did occur.

Some people have brought up the idea that maybe the person that reported the picture, and doxed Mayhem, was doing it out of the goodness of their heart. Due to the timeline of it all, that doesn't seem likely. I had a previous coworker get fired for HIPAA violations and it took a total of a week from the initial report for her to be gone.

The biggest thing I want to convey is that TWO WRONGS CAN HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME. Yes, if Mayhem violated HIPAA, it is wrong. But at the same time, the person held onto this information for months only to use it out of spite, pettiness, and cruelty, is wrong.

My Thoughts.

Due to Mayhem being doxed, a lot of people have decided to leave this platform, take indefinite hiatuses, stop writing, or move to AO3 exclusively., and I don't blame them. I'll be honest, I'm thinking about moving to AO3 exclusively now. AO3 feels a lot more rewarding in my experience. I already only post my fics for ships to AO3, so why not just post everything on AO3 (which I usually do).

I think a lot of people have forgot what it feels like to feel shame in something they say or do. When I say this, it's directed towards people who send hate or do other malicious things in fandom spaces. Fandoms were never this clique-ish and mean. I think it has to do with the pandemic, meaning that a lot of people who would have never joined a fandom did because they weren't allowed to do anything outside of their house. So, those mean girls that made fun of fandom girlies (g/n) previously, joined the fandoms and decided started bullying the people within them.

This situation is super shitty and people are now scared. It makes complete sense, especially after seeing someone, that many of you were close to, be doxed. A lot of people are scared of it happening to them now. I don't think this fandom will be the same after this situation, but who knows, maybe everyone will just forget and move on. Either way, I think I'll be taking a step back from the TGM fandom. I'll still be here, but until further notice, I won't be posting any TGM fanfiction. Maybe a gifset/picture here and there, but I don't think this is a fandom I feel comfortable writing for anymore.

If you've read all of this, thank you.

[kiwiana-writes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

A big ol' fuck you to @rmd-writes for the tag xoxo

1. How many works do you have an AO3? Lol. Lmao even. 289.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 914,620 on AO3, but that includes co-writes as well as things I've podficced where the fic and pod are in the same work. My actual personally-written wordcount, per my Batshit Spreadsheet, is 771,819.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Mostly RWRB these days, though most of my back catalogue is Schitt's Creek. Also The Pairing and various other things scattered about.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kinda think that I might be his type aka Alex and Bea fake date coming in at the top spot, which will never not bewilder me. Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely fic!! But I am always surprised that it was a few hundred more kudos than:

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest), the Much Ado actors AU. My magnum opus, my beloved.

We were supposed to find this - baby's first soulmate AU and my first RWRB fic. The brainrot really took hold with this one lmao.

All the Lonely Starbucks Lovers, in which Henry takes 'open mouth insert foot' to a whole new level.

Warm like the glow that you feel head to toe, the age gap fic with older Senator Alex and younger Prince Henry. This is probably the only one in my top five that really surprises me, considering age gaps are... divisive.

5. Do you respond to comments? Always always always.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I mean I did write that one MCD fic in Schitt's Creek, though I maintain the other five parts in that 5+1 are in fact angstier than the MCD ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhhhhhh, the rest? The Doylist answer is any of my fics where the HEA is literally forever rather than 'till death do us part'; so, the Schitt's Creek afterlife AU and the RWRB zombie!Alex AU. (Is that all? Am I forgetting one?)

8. Do you get hate on fics? Yeah, sometimes. Weirdly, more through tumblr anons than on the fics themselves? A lot of them I just delete, sometimes I'll give them a bit of a public scolding etc. Frankly at this point if you come into my ask box to be a cunt on anon I'm going to assume you have a public humiliation kink and will indulge you accordingly.

9. Do you write smut? Who's to say.

10. Do you write crossovers? I'm more inclined towards a fusion than a crossover (love a good media fusion) but I did write a short RWRB/The Pairing crossover for VoiceTeam.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. Someone did ask recently, so we'll see!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? HEAPS. @ships-to-sail is an ongoing collaborator, but I also did a bunch of "each write a chapter" type collabs in Schitt's Creek. Currently co-writing something truly fucking incredible with @indestructibleheart.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? IDK if it's a WIP by the strictest definition, but every day the likelihood of the SC kink!verse series being completed slips further away lol.

16. What are your writing strengths? Rae, you're the worst.

Smut, I guess? Giving people new kinks, apparently. Character voice. Also a very specific type of world-building where I explain nothing because the characters already live in that world and let y'all infer how it works, which came up a LOT on one of this year's Kinktober fics in particular and led to my spouse saying "okay so you're basically the Brennan Lee Mulligan of tree fucking", which is sure not a sentence I expected to ever be directed towards me, but here we are.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Anything original, apparently. Good thing I didn't quit my job to be a writer or anything OH WAIT.

(In all seriousness, though, I am genuinely shit at, like, plotting. And action sequences.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If it makes sense for the character, sure! I'm enlisting someone who speaks it for anything more complicated than, like, a pet name - I've seen what Google Translate tries to spit out for my second language and therefore don't trust it lmao.

19. First fandom you wrote for? terf queen mcgee's property.

20. Favourite fics you've written? The RWRB fic specifically based on the episode The Husbands of River Song from Doctor Who. Hands down the best thing I've ever written.

I also fucking LOVED the Much Ado actor AU. My love letter to Shakespeare and theatre and queer joy.

-

Tagging @blueeyedgrlwrites @cactusdragon517 @cricketnationrise @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic

@hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @notspecialbabe @orchidscript

@piratefalls @sherryvalli @sparklepocalypse @stereopticons @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! 

[suzukiblu]

So question for you as an author, if someone rereads your fics (showing up under different tag searches, checking reference for art, etc), is it weird/creepy to leave multiple comments on the same work when it hasn't been updated, or nice to have comments from people seeing new things they hadn't before, or some third other thing (I'm very possibly overthinking this)?

Personally I'm all for it, I think it's flattering! I've got at least one regular reader who has a habit of leaving comments that just say things like "re-read kudos!" when they go through my older fics again, and I think that's really cute. And it's nice to know people are re-visiting my older stuff and didn't just forget it all existed in favor of wanting new and shiny things, too. Like it's validating, you know? So really I always extra-appreciate the "I have read this before AND I'LL READ IT AGAIN"-type comments, hahaha.

Also ngl, sometimes those bonus comments remind me "shit that was so good, why haven't I updated it/written that sequel idea I had for it yet??" Like I am HIGHLY motivated by engagement as an author, that shit is my bread and butter. I actually specifically decided to go back and finish my longest fic ever because someone who was re-reading it commented on it, like, two years after I'd last updated it with a really lovely and thoughtful comment that just filled me with determination and reminded me why I'd wanted to finish it in the first place. Literally I resolved myself to re-engage with a very long fic and write like another ninety THOUSAND words for it SPECIFICALLY because of one single re-read comment. Like, there were definitely other factors involved in the actual finishing process, but that comment was definitely the thing that got the ball rolling to begin with.

So tl;dr my answer is: "secret third thing: likely to increase productivity and quite possibly will score you an update sooner!"

[usmsgutterson]

I think I might have fallen in love- realization fics! Fics with this prompt can be the realization of anything--a characters imminent death, the moment wherein someone realizes they've been betrayed, or they can be super fluffy and detail the moment a character realizes they're in love, the moment where they realize they can see a future with the reader--perhaps one that entails settling down or one that involves leaving the past behind--, the moment where they realize that they want to marry them! Anything goes with this prompt, and I'll write 1-5k words using it!

ooooh okay, what about kaz x reader. and it's him realizing that he can see the rest of his life with r. i feel like that'd be such a huge moment for him, cause it was one think to admit he loves them but to actually see a life with them? like doing the domestic things, ya know?

He Knows- K.B x gn! reader

First off, I am SO SORRY that this took eight days! I've been studying to get my learners permit and before then was writing out requests on my sideblog so it's just been a lot to juggle with everything else lol, but thank you for sending this and all of your other requests in! This one was very fun, I absolutely adore a good realization fic and writing for Kaz was good after I'd not written for him in a bit!

Fic type- this is super fluffy!

Warnings- one mention of his trauma (he mentions not wanting to go to his childhood home in Lij because it still hurts to think about)

On the first day of October, Kaz Brekker is approaching the Slat and thinking about the next big job, the next big thing, when another thought suddenly occurs to him.

The thought is that he should grab you some tea at the cafe that recently replaced one of the nearby brothels. He lets the thought backtrack his feet about sixty steps, lets it allow his mouth to speak the words necessary to order you your fall-time tea of preference.

As he carries it back to the Slat, he can almost hear Ninas joyous snicker, almost see confusion in Matthias' gaze and see the smiles Inej, Jesper and Wylan are wearing.

He can hear Nina saying "you didn't peg me as a tea person, Brekker," when she notices the string and the tag which reads the cafes name attached to it.

The idea makes him scoff as he enters the Slat, eyes scanning the ever-constant crowd on the bottom floor in the hopes he'll meet your gaze somewhere within the mess of it.

When he does finally see you, you're not the first person he spots. The one who catches his attention is Jesper, wearing a bright but still burnt orange suit with nice looking navy blue accents, and he follows Jespers eyeline to where he spots you in the crowd of Dregs that has gathered on the bottom floor.

Jespers eyes are on you and Kaz watches as Jesper watches you approach the table with a mug of black coffee in hand. Kaz watches as Jesper notices Inej--who sits to his left in the table for six, Nina on his right--look at you skeptically as you slide into the spot beside Wylan.

Matthias is standing, unsurprisingly, though his arms are wrapped around Ninas shoulder in a hug from behind, and her head is tilted back so that her hair is touching his cheek. The two of them, as infuriating as Kaz finds it to be for a split second, look so happy.

Kaz approaches, takes the remaining seat at the table. You grin, slide the coffee his way. He slides you the tea he'd ordered.

"I love you for this," you say, grinning slightly. "Thank you, Kaz."

Kaz grins into his coffee, shrugs it off. "It was on the way," he says, and he knows that you know that, but he also knows that you won't know he purposefully backtracked sixty steps to get it for you. He knows that he does not want you to know that, so he says nothing of it.

You laugh, and Kaz's heart jumps in the way he's become accustomed to it doing so.

You'd been dating since the year before the Ice Court. It had been three years since. You had exchanged 'I love you's for the first time two years ago.

"I'd bet money he was zoning out while he walked," Nina says, and Kaz has to grip his cane like it's a lifeline to keep himself from spitting out his coffee while he's in the middle of sipping it. "Then he remembered 'oh, I've got a partner who likes tea' and so he walked back. Bet you it was as he was putting his hand on the doorknob."

"I'd take that bet," Kaz says, partly because he know she's wrong. "But it wasn't as my hand was touching the doorknob. It was a good six-ish minutes beforehand. Ordering the tea and receiving it took four."

Nina smiles at him. "Some days, the things you do for your beloved make up for your terrible haircut," she says. "Your next drink is on me, Brekker."

Kaz shrugs--a free drink is a free drink--and glances at you for a moment.

"Sixty paces?" you ask.

"Yeah," Kaz said. "Tacked on a solid few minutes, but I know you love the tea they make at Baileys."

"You got up to grab his coffee about six off," Wylan says. "Oh, that's so sweet! Your couple brains are couple-braining. You're sensing when the other is close by."

"It was ten bloody minutes!" Kaz says, a little incredulous. You laugh at him for a minute.

"Ten minutes," you say. "Six of which you spent walking back."

Kaz looks at you and you just grin, turning to Wylan before you take a sip of your tea.

"Either way," you say after you've downed the first sip and the warmth has surpassed your throat and settled within your stomach. "You can't judge me. You looked like Jesper had given you the entire world when he came into the Slat the other day."

Wylan scowls playfully at you, and Kaz looks at you and it just--something within him stirs. Something domestic, a part of him that yearns to come home to you every night, something that wants to relish in weekends off and hum along to the music playing from a gramophone while folding the laundry.

He shuts it out, rests his cane against the side of your chair in a manner that says 'I love you' without actually saying a damn thing at all.

-

That something stirs within him once more as he finds himself in the Kerch countryside. He hasn't brought you to Lij--twelve years gone and still, the very thought of visiting his childhood home hurts just a bit too much for him to risk it--but instead to a cute farmhouse that he'd bought in anticipation of retiring seventy years on, when he was ninety and still kickin' because he was Kaz Brekker and he would live to see 100 just to spite the people he disliked.

It is the first weekend of October and it has been a year since the last. You're in the kitchen and the only reason that Kaz is awake is because he smells coffee, wafting in from the pot as the water churns and the coffee falls into it.

He smells pumpkin, too, and knows what you've been doing without even having to think of it.

You have a very specific but very delicious recipe for pumpkin pancakes that you always make during the fall, and they stand as one of the only iterations of pumpkin-flavoured food and drink that Kaz can say he enjoys.

They're pumpkin pancakes made with a fairly basic recipe plus the addition of half a cup of brewed chai. You also tend to pair them with whipped cinnamon butter, and that morning it does not seem to be any different.

"Morning," Kaz greets as you grab two mugs from the cupboard.

In a manner that borderlines on reflexive despite Kaz's never having done so in that house, Kaz takes your electric kettle off of it's port, flips the top open and fills it with water. He sets it back on the port and clicks the small metal flap at the bottom end of the handle. He watches the port go from gray to blue to signify that the water has started heating, thanks to a mechanism that reacts to warmth.

"Morning," you respond as Kaz takes the mug he deems yours--the one shaped like a cauldron, while his is shaped like a ghost--and grabs a bag of your favorite tea, plopping it into the mug.

The two of you run through the motions quietly but contentedly even still--Kaz makes your tea, you make his coffee, Kaz gets the plates and you plate breakfast. You each grab your own utensils and sit down at the small black circular table that sits in your dining room.

Kaz, with a start, realizes he doesn't really know what to talk about. There is nothing, particularly, that currently plagues his mind. He loves the silence, though, and decides it best to allow it to remain uninterrupted.

Twenty minutes go by. Kaz thanks you for waking up and making the food--in Ketterdam, especially the Barrel, having a kitchen, having cups and plates to occupy the cupboards, utensils and baking tools to occupy the drawers and food to occupy the fridge and the pantry is a luxury. You like baking but what was the kitchen in the Slat was turned into the bar--and tells you he appreciates it.

You grin at him then, and Kaz knows that he will never escape the feeling that you are more than he will ever deserve.

That thing stirs within him again hours later, when lunch and dinner have both passed you by. It stirs when you've eaten your way through half of the pie brought to your doorstep by an old lady who'd claimed she had baked too much, the rest of it stored in the fridge for later consumption.

It is the innate feeling that Kaz cannot yet name that has him setting up the drying rack, grabbing the nearest dishtowel as his ears focus in on the sound of you humming along to the music, the music that plays softly from the gramophone as it filters into the kitchen from the lounge.

The ceramic ghost mug that you'd bought on your first day of the trip while you were in a town twenty minutes out from the farmhouse sits a couple of inches in front of Kaz, half full of chamomile tea because he does, in fact, aim to sleep through the night.

Candles have also been lit because the idea of turning the oil lamps on after sunset feels wrong, and Kaz looks at you and it all just hits him.

He's twenty-one, and he has been dating you since he was sixteen when it all just hits.

He looks at you, sees your face in the din as you dry off your hands and turn off the tap water, and suddenly he just knows.

Kaz Brekker knows that you are more than he will ever, ever deserve. He knows that he will someday propose to you and he will someday marry you, and perhaps he will retire when you do--likely around the age of 70, where retiring at ninety was his plan--and perhaps he will suggest long before you retire that you make the trips to this farmhouse a yearly thing.

He knows that he will have countless thoughts to get you tea when he's passed Baileys Cafe and he knows that he will walk back sixty paces to Baileys to get it countless times.

He knows that he will dry the dishes while you wash them, that he will find himself half awake in the heat of the Ketterdam summer, that he will get out of bed and pull the curtains back before trudging to bed again while still half asleep, just to feel himself awaken as he registers how easily enamoured he becomes with the way the sunlight cascades across you.

He knows he will come home many-a-night and he will fold the laundry with you, the two of you idly humming along to whichever record you've chosen to play on the gramophone, that your arm will bump Kaz's by accident and send the both of you into laughter.

He knows that he will experience the joy of getting to buy groceries with you, and he finds he can't wait to argue with you over the silliest things--a bag of six apples for one kruge is not the bargain deal you think it is. He knows that you'll remind him that getting two sets of the same coffee brand is not a smart financial move when the discount adds up to a grand total of one and a quarters kruge--and that one of you will laugh and the argument will break apart as though it does not exist.

"Kaz?" Someday, he will marry you. He will kiss your cheekbone in greeting and goodbye, and his soul will forever be entwined with yours.

Someday, he will have proof that the love he feels for you is not a weakness like so many Barrel thugs seem to think.

"Yeah?" Kaz asks, snapping out of his stupor.

You grin. "You okay? Lost you for a second there--you looked zoned out."

"Nothing serious," Kaz says. "Just uh--can't wait for the rest of the trip, is all. Could use a bit of rest if I'm completely honest."

You nod. "Me too,"

So then, dishes done and not a worry left in the world, the two of you blow out the candles you've lit. You go to bed a little earlier than normal, and Kaz knows that he will go to bed at your side for the rest of his days.

[weena-mercator]

narumitsu fic recs - part 1

I've been putting together fic recs for a while, trying to sort things into different categories rather than just sharing one big post of stories that are all over the place in type, length, etc. - I've appreciated all the fic recs I've gotten on reddit and in nrmt discord servers, and wanted to compile things in such a way that it makes it easier for those who are interested in reading more fanfic! while I still have decent amount of fics bookmarked on my "to read" list, i have read a not insubstantial number this year (don't mind me just rolling into the fandom nearly 23 years late - actually I really liked AA when I first saw GG play in 2019, bought the game b/c of it - & I liked nrmt but something about JFA was the turning point for me to become just totally normal about them)

anyways, i digress...

I'll start off with my favorite contenders for long (more than 50K words) canon-compliant (or mostly canon-compliant fics) - some are more dramatic and some are more light-hearted

obviously since this is a recommendation list, I may make comments about how I feel about something with a fic that you don't agree with - I only say this to point out some of my thoughts regarding the fic, not to start a hc war... and I'm definitely not trying to say "this author is wrong" or anything like that, just pointing out my personal opinion

a long way to fall by prospectkiss

this is the first long fic I ever read for nrmt and I can't recommend it enough. Heads up that this fic is E - Taking place between T&T and AJ (handwavey give them more time in this time period than in canon), this is also a case fic that majorly ties in to the plot - you've got romantic tension, mutual pining, drama, angst and a great (and spicy) ending. word count: 78K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: I admit I am partial to getting together fics that are pre-disbarment or very early 7YG, the PINING and build up is incredible and it’s very difficult to put down but especially once you get about halfway through, it will be hard to stop! I think I read this in only 2 sittings.

the long way home by griffonage

a fic that deserves SO much more love - it is so incredibly well-written and heart-wrenching. the very beginning covers major events of the first trilogy quickly while the majority of the story takes place during the 7YG. Phoenix is always right there for Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is pretty great at making terrible decisions -including running away from things he wants deep down- and that finally takes its toll on Phoenix, whose anger is very justified. Per the tags: ??? to friends?? to it's complicated to it's VERY complicated to... unsurprisingly this makes for a pretty angsty relationship & moments that make you just want to shake Miles (and Phoenix, but a lot more Miles). This is also an E fic FYI, as far as I remember that stuff is only short scenes in a few places as opposed to like, a whole chapter devoted to it. word count: 84K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: there are multiple little case fics along the way that are interesting, this story truly made me sad I wasn’t also working and exploring in Europe, Trucy!!, the OCs are very well done, it’s a great character study of Miles, and writing wise, this is one of the most well-written stories I’ve ever read among fanfic and published novels written in my lifetime

trace (vestiges) by FaultyParagon

this fic is pretty well known, and while it may not rank quite as high for me now as it did when I first read it, I do regard it highly. I don't know how much editing/beta-reading happened for it, so my one little thing about it is that the grammar mistakes happened a little too frequently to gloss over, but still not terrible (I know we all write for free but with frequent or significant enough errors, I'm taken out of the world easily, maybe that's not a problem that affects the majority of readers, idk). A mostly filling in the gaps fic that takes place from AAPW to right before DD - it's not exactly a slow burn, but just because they manage to get together earlier rather than later doesn't mean they aren't going to encounter obstacles in their relationship. This fic is M - it sort of rides that line between M and E in my opinion, as the sex isn't very graphic but not just glossed over either. word count: 225K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: touch-starved Miles, again, I’m partial to them getting together pre-disbarment, despite it not being exactly a slow burn it does have quite a build up, I really love seeing Miles have a lot personal growth, especially in regards to handling his emotions, during his “choose death” year and during 7YG as well as how he is there for Phoenix and Trucy during that time

turnabout feelings by ssygir

a 7YG fic where Edgeworth requests Phoenix's help to research trials by jury, bringing Phoenix and Trucy with him to Paris - where they unintentionally get caught up in a murder investigation, and Phoenix realizes his feelings for Edgeworth are definitely not platonic. While my personal view is that Phoenix has known he's been in love with Miles for a looooong time, I can appreciate a good fic where he's just now figuring that out. Some little things about Edgeworth's characterization feel off to me, but maybe that's just me. This fic is E, but that's pretty much limited to one chapter. one small note: this fic does have a follow up, but hasn't been updated in over a year (although the author has said they plan to finish it at least! so hope is not lost yet) word count: 76K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s an early 7YG getting together story, the case fic is fun, not a total sloooooow burn but definitely builds up, a good pick when you want a more lighthearted story with very little angst

dating for a turnabout by Mikomikono

technically set in that tiny window between AAI2 and Phoenix's disbarment, Miles asks Phoenix to join him to investigate a smuggling operation at a resort - except they find out that the event taking place at the resort is a couple's retreat, and the only way to have full access is to pose as one... oh and of course Larry happens to be there too. This one is a fun case fic with mutual pining, only one bed and a sprinkling of angst among some silliness and fluff - while I wish there was a little more to the ending, it was a very fun read, T rating. word count: almost 90K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: the author has little profiles and evidence info for the case posted for each chapter, very fun! I’m picky about fake dating stories and I think this one does it very well, and again, I really like seeing pre-disbarment getting together - and they are pining fools here, it’s good stuff

chasing history by SlatedForAbandonment

post canon, Phoenix invites Miles to stay in his guest room while he's in LA working on his PhD. Some small notes on timeline - this is where it gets a little loose with canon compliance, although the author does note that in the tags - Edgeworth is already Chief Prosecutor but currently taking a leave of absence to work on his dissertation, but hasn't found permanent residence again yet, despite this being a few years post SOJ (at one point it is stated that Apollo is 28) - I also feel like a lot of Edgeworth's behavior/reactions are more fitting of trilogy era Edgeworth, or even early 7YG... all that being said, it is a super slow burn, well-written with fun dialogue and very sweet moments as well as a bit of angst. rating is T. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: even though I feel like this story would more realistically take place much earlier in canon, you get a great slow burn with plenty of incredibly sweet moments along the way that just make you melt

the catch-up game by theacegrace

post canon, Trucy is on a year-long magic show tour and Phoenix is left feeling like everyone keeps moving on and leaving him behind, while also dealing with some realizations regarding one Miles Edgeworth. again, my personal take is that Phoenix would've realized this long before now, but this story is an interesting Phoenix character study and once you get about 3/4 through the story, the situation is very tense - it's hard to not read this whole thing, or at least the back half, in one sitting. rated T. word count: 66K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s always interesting to consider that prior to his disbarment, Phoenix was the more self-assured and bold one of the two when it came to matters of the heart, and then afterwards that essentially flips for a while - now Miles has gained a lot of confidence and gone through a lot of emotional growth (Phoenix starts to gain this back a lot after becoming a lawyer again, but he’s definitely not just back to trilogy-era Phoenix)

it would feel so good to make you mine by hi_its_ellis and lowbatteryhealth

post DD, this is an unusual slow burn - both Phoenix and Miles know they're in love with each other, but they've come to an unspoken agreement on how to handle this - there's a winner and a loser, and the "loser" is whoever cracks first. honestly, another fic where I just wanted to shake them until they came to their sense, but it's very fun and sweet, T rating. word count: 54K POV: various why it’s a must read IMO: it’s tagged idiots to usdiots LMAO, so many sweet moments among the aggravation - they are BOTH moron-sexual, your honor, and you’ll want to strangle them /affectionate…

a turnabout toast by ideny

summary by author: (after the events of AJ) an estranged Phoenix and Miles respond to a friendly challenge from an unexpected source: do three things each to fix your lives. this fic is technically the least canon compliant because we of course learn in DD (and this fic was written before the release of DD) that Phoenix and Miles did spend time together during his disbarment, at the very least in Europe helping Miles research. So this is a hell of an angsty read, worth it for the story-telling despite that it departs from canon in that way. Not rated, but I don't recall anything above T rating stuff happening in it. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: damn they really go through it in this one, dealing with the aftermath of the events of AJ is very interesting, lots of angst but I feel compelled to tell you don’t worry, the ending will ease your pain

Obligatory recs:

legal partners by miggy

project: matchmakers by WingSongHalo

how to court a fool in under three months by snowyrunes

All 3 of these are post canon getting together fics, AND all 3 are told from various POVs, not just Phoenix and Miles - there's a reason they are some of the most well-known ones - PM is probably the most fluffy with the least angst (and has a very cute multi chapter follow up), followed by LP (has a fairly short E follow up) - HTCAFIUTM is the slowest burn (it also has a follow up that hasn't been updated since 2022... which stinks because it did leave off on a bit of a cliffhanger and I really wanna know what's going to happen lol)

I have yet to read the highly regarded canon-compliant long fics listed below, but they are on my to-read list!

you ever been in love? by hechima

saturation by tiedyed trickster *

indefensible by zombolouge *

a brief for the defense by Ophelia_Writes * (this has now been orphaned FYI)

turnabout dishwasher by zuzsenpai

*indicates that it has not been finished yet, possibly won't ever be

If you know of any other 50K+ canon-compliant fics that you'd highly recommend, please let me know!

my other posts will be for AUs, chapter fics shorter than 50K, one-shots (might have to divide those up by theme), probably a NSFW set as well if there's interest!

[trensu]

do you think you'll put "Stasis in darkness" on AO3 eventually?

see, when the idea first came to me, I hadn't really planned on doing anything with it because I wasn't sure if I could make it work. there's a level of gravitas in the relationship between a god and their devoted servant that I didn't think would translate well to steddie because, let's be real, those boys are goofy dorks. but the idea wouldn't leave me alone so I typed up the original post in an attempt to work it out of my system and move on.

(the post kind of blew up, which I was not expecting at all!! like, not even a little bit! i post all sorts of rough little ideas for my own amusement and I've been able to do that without drawing much attention until that point.)

Anyway, I wouldn't have done much with it but @acowardinmordor left some comments/tags/what have you that helped me nail down the setting in my head which really opened the door for me to explore how the story could progress. (apologies, strife, I'm not sure I ever properly thanked you for that burst of inspiration, so please accept this shoutout as an expression of gratitude). And the amazing @ent-is-indecisive allowed me to rant about it which really helped flesh out the story. Seriously, there are elements and lore coming up that would not have existed if it weren't for ent. (and thank you once again ent for the ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL fanart you made for the reveal scene, I'm still overcome with joy whenever I think about it!).

Once it got to that point, I knew I wanted it to be a self-contained story and I was afraid that if I did a multi-chapter fic I'd lose the thread and never make it to the ending I want the fic to have. (no, the end scene hasn't been written yet but I KNOW what it's going to be and I hope everyone will love it as much as i do). So I promised myself that I was not going to post it on ao3 until the whole thing was written out completely.

However, I occasionally need a confidence/motivation boost so I've been posting consecutive parts of the rough draft here. you have no idea how much the people who reblogged with tags or left comments have helped me fight off the discouragement my brain likes to bog me down with; off the top of my head, @godsweakestboy , @redfreckledwolf, @fuctacles , @spectrum-spectre , and @lawrencebshoggoth have given me lovely, enthusiastic words of encouragement. and they're only the ones I can think of at this moment. there's so many other people who've done this, so if you've ever left me nice tags or comments, please know that I've read every single one of them repeatedly whenever I need to get over a slump. I'm so grateful for all of you!

Anyway, all this is to say yes! It is going to be posted as a oneshot on ao3 once I've finished writing it. <3

[huckleberrykai]

hueningkai - all mine

pairing: hueningkai x fem!reader summary: kai was never the jealous type until you came along. genre: toxic fic?? idk lil angsty i guess kinda?? warnings: toxic obsessive kai, possessiveness, he is um. not normal about you LOL notes: I HAVEN'T WRITTEN TOXIC KAI BEFORE EEE but i do love reading it and i've been meaning to write something like this for a while. thanku kirby for requesting this !! i hope i did it justice :3 word count: 1.8k click here for my masterlist!

kai had never considered himself to be the jealous type. not until he met you anyway.

he'd had girlfriends in the past, and while none of the relationships ended badly, he just never really figured out what was supposed to make them all that great. then suddenly you came along, taehyun's childhood best friend ~ so sweet and pure. then suddenly, he understood what love was all about.

love wasn't even the word to describe how kai felt about you. obsession was probably a better-fitting description of how you plagued his every waking thought from the second you were introduced.

you got added to their group chat not long after, and soon you were best friends with all of the members. having finally got your number, kai started texting you silly little things that made your heart flutter - he stalked all of your social media to learn every interest you had, and upon learning you loved so many of the same things as him, he fell even harder.

when he finally worked up the courage to tell you he had a crush on you, he almost cried when you reciprocated his feelings. he felt so strongly about you he didn't even know what to do with himself, and from your very first kiss he was already mentally planning ways to propose and keep you with him forever.

kai figured the intensity and 'puppy love' phase of his obsession would wear off after a couple of weeks - but every kiss, every touch, everything about you still drove him crazy, even two years down the line. you brought out a side in him no one had ever seen.

unfortunately for him, dating kai came as a package deal with 3 other golden retriever boys who loved you just as much as your childhood friend taehyun did - so it always seemed like a competition for your attention. in the beginning kai just brushed it off. in the end it was his shirt you were wearing, his bed you'd sleep in whenever you spent the night, and his lips you'd kiss before you left the next morning. but for kai, as time went on, this just wasn't enough anymore.

he knew it wasn't right to feel this way, after all none of you had done anything wrong! but sometimes he felt yeonjun's eyes on your midriff when your crop top rode up a little, or soobin laughing a little too loudly at your jokes. beomgyu was the worst, always joking about how funny you are and that you'd be better off dating him since he's such a prankster. he never meant it. kai knew that. all of his friends loved his relationship with you and knew you made each other happy, so why did he get a fire in his belly every time you so much as interacted with one of them? his least favourite was when he'd see them in your notifications. especially outside of the group chat.

he shouldn't be mad at you talking to your friends. he trusted you, but as his obsession only grew he found himself trusting his members less and less. in fact he wasn't very trusting of anyone around you.

any time you'd go out he'd always tag along, convincing you it was just to spend time with you since he loves you ~ and you, unsuspecting of your sweet boyfriend, never saw the stern look he'd give every barista, every cashier or even just person who so much as looked at you. when he looked at you you saw nothing but love, but anyone else he'd look at would get the death stare of negative kai - your own personal bodyguard with a grip like iron around your waist.

any time you'd get a call or text he'd look at your phone or ask who you were talking to. you took at as just curiosity, but kai was definitely planning on how to get you to stop talking to them as quickly as possible. he felt a little bad when he pulled you off the phone to your parents, but who cares? they were taking away your precious attention that should have been all his.

over your relationship he'd held back so much - not on loving you, but on obsessing over you. he knew you were lovely, that was plain for anyone to see - but that also meant competition. he wanted you to only ever think of him. to be half as obsessed with him as he was with you - but from your end it was all healthy. just two happy lovers <3

from the outside you just seemed like a couple in love, your parents adored him, your friends were rooting for you, everything was perfect!

after one incident in particular though, kai snapped a little.

it shouldn't really have been out of the ordinary. kai usually held back when he saw texts from other people on your phone, choosing to ignore his distaste for them - but when a message from soobin popped up starting with 'make sure you don't tell kai...' he felt his chest tighten. another one popped through seconds later, 'he'd kill me if he knew we...'

he couldn't stop himself. typing in your password, already breathing heavy and starting to cry. if it's what he thought it was he didn't know what he'd do to soobin, but he knew it wouldn't be pretty.

sooby 🐰 8:54pm

make sure you don't tell kai me and beomgyu broke the ps5

he'd kill me if he knew we threw the controllers at it to try make it work, the whole side fell off lol

oh.

"baby?" his head snapped up at the image of you towel drying your hair, only wearing his shirt and your underwear. he was still panic crying with your phone in his hand, and even though everything was fine he somehow felt angry.

"you'd never cheat on me right?" slipped past his lips before he could stop it.

you didn't even bat an eye. "no way. i don't like people to begin with, you barely made the cut yourself," you teased him and laughed. when you turned around though you saw he definitely was not joking with you - teary eyes and cheeks, red in the face, he looked like he'd just had his heart ripped out. the last comment stung him too - barely made the cut? what did you mean by that? did you not like him?

"hyuka baby what's wrong. i was just kidding, did something happen?"

he sat on the edge of his bed and you squeezed your way between his legs, standing in front of him and taking him into a big hug. you smelled like his shampoo and body wash, you were wearing his clothes. you're all his.

"no. just saw a weird text is all."

"oh? who was it? i'll block them."

"no don't. just soobin."

"oh? what'd he say?" you plucked the phone from his hands and checked through his texts, sitting on his lap. "oh kai i'm sorry, i'll help you get a new playstation." he shook his head. "no, no it's not that. just the way it was worded... the notification cut the end off and i.. i thought something was going on.."

"you're kidding right? hyuka i love you!" you punctuated your sentence with a kiss to his cheek, salty tears stinging your lips.

"'m sorry. i just don't like when they talk to you.." he admitted without much thought, playing with the hem of the fabric hanging off your body. "it's like i don't want anyone else near you. talking to you. i want all of your attention. and i dunno seeing soobin text you-"

"kai."

he looked up at you, big brown eyes wet with tears and fear. "you know that wouldn't be healthy. you have to trust me okay?"

"thats the thing. i do trust you, i just don't trust them."

"who?"

"anyone who looks at you."

"kai..."

"Y/N i've been in love with you since the second i saw you. other people have to have been the same, i just don't want other people to talk to you and you leave me. i wouldn't know what to do... Y/N please." his tears started flowing again but his face stayed still as he looked up into your eyes. you wiped his tears and pressed a kiss to his perfect nose.

"i'm not going anywhere. you're mine and i'm yours okay? no one else."

he nodded, eyes still boring into yours. he was mostly satisfied by this, and let you pull him down into bed. cuddling into his chest you opened your phone again to at least not leave soobin on read.

Y/N 🐧💗 9:12pm

he already knows lol

good luck getting your asses whooped <3

"why are you texting him again?" a permanent pout was etched onto his lips as he glared at your screen. "i'm not just gonna leave him on read, that's rude."

kai hummed distastefully. "you put a heart on there too... those are just for me."

"kai, it's sarcastic heart."

"are your hearts for me sarcastic?"

"okay that's it. what has gotten into you?" you try to sit up off his chest, but he pulls you right back down.

"answer me."

"no! of course not! i don't know what's making you act so weird right now but knock it off okay?"

he goes silent for a little bit and you settle back in against him, assuming the argument is over.

"i'm sorry. i'm just scared, you don't have to stop talking to them.. but not all the time okay? i want your time."

"and you have it. you have me hyuka... i love you. not anyone else."

you feel him press a few kisses into your hair and mumble an i love you back against your scalp. he hums to you softly and turns out the light - some sleep would calm you down.

his deep voice and soothing rubs to your back get you to settle down and cuddle with him properly, worried thoughts of kai's possessiveness melting away as you fall into dreamland.

almost as soon as you dropped off, kai's eyes were torn away from your sleeping face to your phone lighting up again.

soobin. again.

he was done with this. with the hand that wasn't wrapped around you he typed in your password, making quick work of deleting all of your contacts he didn't know, and deleting soobin, beomgyu and yeonjun. he trusted taehyun, you were childhood friends after all~ but everyone else... delete... delete...

"hmph...? baby what are you doing?" you mumbled sleepily, stirring from the phone light lighting up kai's face in the dark.

"nothing princess. it's all fine, just checking the time."

"okay. love you."

you knew this whole ordeal was a red flag, but you loved him. you thought you could change him, and so it was no biggie. this was just one bump in the road right?

and that's exactly how kai wanted you to think.

"you're all mine right?"

"mhm~ i'm all yours." you slurred back.

"all mine."

sfw taglist: @beoms-sugar @mazeinthemoon @n0-thisispatrick @strawberry-kirby @majestyjun @bibibinnie @beom-pyu @minholing @ohmahgods @txtistheloml

[i-dream-of-libraries]

Thank you for the tag, @theonceandfuturequeenoftarts 🍰🖤

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

This was actually pretty difficult for me to decide, because the fics I would rec and my favorites are not necessarily the same. 😅

1) Eat Your Heart Out (E, 229k words, complete)

An obvious choice if you know me because this fic was my obsession for an entire year. My take that Harry should have turned from the path of an auror and decided to feed others instead was soul fulfilling to write. The journey he went on in regards to his relationship with Tom was the most complex I've ever written. His own development was very personal to my own healing journey with food, and doing a few "characters read the books" type chapters was so challenging and so hilarious for me as well!

2) He Will Slay You with His Tongue (M, 7k words)

This oneshot really gave me a lot of confidence in my writing. Everything came together just as I wanted it to, I was cackling in delight at the comments, and it's probably my most recced fic by others. This was also the fest fic that made me fall in love with writing fests, and helped me meet some of my closest friends in this fandom. 🖤

3) We Both Know How This Ends (G, 5k words)

My first animagus fic, but definitely not my last! There needs to be more Niffler Tom. This fic just made me smile throughout the writing process and when I finished it, I felt like baking cookies. Wholesomeness is rare for me, looking at what I usually write.*coughsmutcough*

4) In Perfect Unity (E, 9k words)

In my opinion, this is the most artistic of the fics I've written and has the most vivid imagery. Full of metaphor and more poetry than I'd previously allowed to slip into my works, this fic has a special place in my heart for many reasons. Mostly, writing it made me want to write a lot more and explore things that I had been hesitant about before.

5) Less Romantic but More Effective (M, 11k words, WIP)

I'm only a few chapters into this one, but it's already one of my favorites. Incorporating muggle tech into the magical world is just. Why didn't I do this before? Anna_Hopkins on ao3 knew all along, y'all (a brilliant writer if you haven't read their fics). I'm so excited to have more writing time to dedicate to this story! It's self indulgent and cracky with a surprising amount of smut, and I think that's the secret to happiness. 😂

No pressure tags!: @tommarvoloriddlesdiary , @penrot , @obsidianpen , @apocalypsewallflower , @isalisewrites 🖤

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

Thank you for the tag, @mosiva! ♡♡♡

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Four of these were easy choices and one was trickier, but in no particular order...

thrown into the nest (T, 10,565 words, WIP)

This fic possessed me. The first chapter took over my entire life for ten hours during which I came up with and wrote the whole thing -- I couldn't stop until it was done and posted. Two or three days later, the same thing happened with the second chapter. It's like I was exorcising demons into a doc file. It's also notable because maybe a week or two before I wrote it, I told a friend I would never write ABO fic. More fool me.

I love this fic because it drew together so many ace people -- I've never felt a greater sense of community than I did in the hours after this fic was posted, seeing the comments of people who saw themselves in Harry and Tom's experiences. It blew me away, and I felt so happy to have done justice to some small part of the ace experience. It was a different type of joy, and a bit more cathartic, to write compared to other fics of mine.

VII (M, 2,609 words)

I think I've said it before, but I honestly thought this would be one of those weird little fics that I wrote for myself and maybe five other people would like. It's grown beyond what I originally meant it to be, and while I really, really love the sequel too, this one holds my heart. It's disjointed and dark (for me), and it's one of the few that I've written that actually has Harry and Voldemort start out hating each other and move through it. (What can I say, I mainly write crack and fluff.) They're both feral and damaged and violent and cling to each other all the tighter for it by the end. I also like making the Unspeakables ethically (and morally) dubious and research-obsessed, and this was my first foray into that.

naïve melody (G, 2,904 words)

The Ferris wheel fic; another fic that I thought maybe five other people would enjoy. I'm still proud of the wistful tone it has, and some of the turns of phrase, despite the crack-tastic premise. It's sweet and silly and it makes me feel warm to re-read it. It might also be my favourite Voldemort characterisation of all the fics I've written.

engrave the silhouette of you (M, 10,480 words, WIP)

Look... I just like hurting them, okay? I used the "angst with a happy ending" tag because I need everyone (myself included) to know it's gonna be alright in the end. I have made myself a crying mess multiple times in the course of writing or plotting out this fic. This is very much a "how would the characters react in this situation if X happened?" fic that has grown legs. It's fun (and painful) to put myself in Harry and Voldemort's headspaces and then put us all through the emotional meat-grinder. But it's going to be fine. Eventually.

Capsized (M, 948 words)

Fun, not-previously-shared fact: this fic started out as a way for me to process my maladaptive daydreams and suicidal ideations through Harry. All of the things he imagines or considers are things that I have, as well. (This makes the one comment that says "MAKE HIM SUFFER YASSSS" really, really funny to me.) I wasn't sure if I would ever post it -- it took me five months to decide to do it, because it's extremely personal. But it felt good to put it all into words and make it... "pretty," I guess? It's probably as raw as I can make it while also trying to fit it into the HP world and have it be enjoyable to read.

(Honourable mention goes to Prompt-ober 2023, because it almost killed me to do it, but it was so much fun to write everyday for a month and have the same folks comment each day and chat with them throughout the month (I love you all ♡♡♡). However, that's like twenty-five different fics in one, so it doesn't count.)

Tagging @liquidluckandstuff, @i-dream-of-libraries, @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger, @aglassroseneverfades, and @hikarimeroperiddle

No pressure, do it if it will be a fun distraction! ♡♡♡

(Note: I recently locked my account to registered users only because of an AI scraper targetting Ao3. If you don't have an account and would like to read any of the above, just send me a message and I'll provide a file ♡)

[cutestkilla]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you so much for this ask (and @bookish-bogwitch and @aristocratic-otter too). You're all amazing and your self-recs are too - I cosign them all!

So: this is the first time I've gotten one of these where I actually HAVE 5+ fics (of my own) to choose from 😂 so you know what, even though it's a *somewhat* trivial process, I'm gonna DO THE THING and come up with a Top 5.

1. What's Left (133K, M)

My first fic, and still my favourite. Probably because conceptually, I don't think I'll ever come up with something this cool or interesting again. And also because I got to spend so many words with my version of the Humdrum (who many of you know as Sid), expanding on what we know of him from canon and all the ways he intersects with Simon, and I kind of just love him alot. This is definitely the plottiest thing I've ever written, with lots of twists and turns and what I think is a sort of an arc you can't predict from the start (pioneering the Baz/Humdrum tag!!), and that made it really fun to write, and I hope fun to read too. Also, this is the most painful thing I've written (it starts with Simon dead, folks), which if you know me at all, explains why it would be my favourite. 😂

2. Hiding Out in the Open (48K, M - WIP 5/7 chapters)

This takes the #2 spot for sure because: a) it's also got a decent amount of pain courtesy of an alt-WS divergence setting and b) it's also kinda high concept. And c) I'm writing it as a very drawn out birthday gift for my beloved @artsyunderstudy in honour of what is now OUR beloved psychology podcast of choice, Hidden Brain. My favourite thing about this one is the way I've worked all these real concepts in psychology (and real episodes of Hidden Brain) into the narrative in a way that I think feels organic and true to the characters. It's been a challenging puzzle to solve, but man have I learned some cool things along the way. This one IS a WIP, but I'm going full steam ahead on it, and even though the story is NOT over, ch 5 ends in a decently satisfying place.

3. Slamming and Smashing (18K, E)

My first (and only) E-rated fic! I'm more of a soft smut writer, but I had so much fun writing this one as a gift for @ic3-que3n based on prompts that included: NSFW, Simon slamming Baz into a wall (as referenced in Snow for Christmas), a very specific line from Bram Stoker's Dracula about wild rose, AND an Anastasia AU. This one is pretty low on pain/angst and high on post-canon fluff, but I did still give Baz a *bit* of a breakdown in it 😂. I'm proud of this one because I think it's hot and also because I managed to hit ALL those prompts in one smutty fic, and tell what I think is a pretty relatable story about how hard communicating can be in relationships.

4. Episode 5: The Tardigrade and His Boy (25K, T)

Another gift fic, this time for @raenestee! This was not only an amazingly fun collaboration with @facewithoutheart @aristocratic-otter @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @thewholelemon

@mostlymaudlin and @artsyunderstudy, but I found a way to have the Humdrum front and centre again which makes me so happy. I also cut my teeth writing Shep and Agatha POVs for the first time in this one, which was very fun. And I managed to write one of my most favourite types of fics: one that is both an AU and also secretly canon-compliant. This is my only true AU and I think it's a really fun romp (just like the rest of the series which I highly recommend).

5. This Is Your Place (18K, M)

This one was for Prompt Fest 2022 (a fest to celebrate the anniversary of @carryonprompts where - reminder - you can submit your Carry On fic prompt ideas and maybe someone will write them) and filled this prompt by @bookish-bogwitch:

"@ionlydrinkhotwater wrote this meta: "Omg Simon is such a ho, in retaliation for Baz pulling the open sesame move, he dashes to their room, showers, shaves (nicking his skin so he's a little bit bloody and therefore yummy) and "accidentally" comes out in just pajama bottoms with his tits full out, without the necklace." ... And I want to read a fic where Baz fuckin' Takes. The. BAIT."

What I think I did well in this one is building up both the tension and the empathy between Simon and Baz in a way that makes the payoff feel earned, even though the story only takes place over the course of a few hours, the day Baz gets back to Watford after the numpties. I also really love my Baz inner monologue in this, and that Simon gets to be a little bit smooth, too.

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

WIP Wednesday Thursday

Hi, it's me again, doing this late. Thanks to @schnarfer, @thundermartini, @the-mandawhor1an, @secretelephanttattoo, @sawymredfox for the tags. I love being tagged because it means Tumblr shows me what you're all working on. SHOW MEEEE.

Anyways, I have two fics this week. I'm in the middle of retooling Elks but I just couldn't say no to a couple of amazing challenges.

First for @quinnnfabrgay-writes and @proxima-writes's Monster Smash Challenge I have incubus (NOT the band) Maxwell Lord. Folks *clap* (did that for my other Kurtis Town residents), I dooo noooot liiiike that movie iiiiiiit suuuUUUUUuuuucccks BUT isn't that the fun of writing? So even if I do not LIKE the movie he's from, I do LIKE the character because it's still Pedro and I'm still gonna get this dude written and *do* him justice. I really love the challenge. I've never written dark themes before but it's spooky season and I'm taking full advantage of it. Here's are a couple lines:

Under a cover of delicate flowers, you lay. You pretty thing you, slumbering away in your idyllic iron bed. So peaceful, so relaxed. He has access to everything he’d ever want, power beyond belief, richer than Mammon. He can have it all, and he wants it, so he takes you. Lucifer, save you. 

Then for @justagalwhowrites Joel Birthday Celebration and with @ohheypedrito selecting fake dating when I asked her for her choice... I have a very fun romcom type set up of reader going to her ex boyfriend's wedding with her best friend's brother in law. Hell yeah folks, we're doing a no outbreak AU where Tommy and Maria are married, Sarah is a senior in high school, and Joel Miller is a damn good fake boyfriend, because in this house NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO THE MILLER FAMILY. Anyways, it's healthy, this is all soooo healthy. We just ignore the sad things. Here's a snippet:

RING… RING… RING…  Your fingers nervously tap against the countertop. “Come on, pick uuup, pick uuuup, pick uuu–” “Miller,” a deep voice answers. “H-Hi, uh, Joel?” You feel a third of your age, like you’re right back in middle school calling the cute boy in your science class because your friend dared you.  “Speaking.” “Hey, uh, you’re my wedding date? Maria… she gave me your number so we can plan?” “Oh, yes,” his voice softens. “Saturday, right?” “Yeah, uh… I think it might be good to go over a story for us before the big day.” “Right,” he chuckles, “I’m all ears.”

Tagging @burntheedges, @yopossum, @mothandpidgeon, @jolapeno, @maggiemayhemnj

And if you've already posted, pretend this tag is an ILY.

[viridian-house]

Do you have any favorite naruto fics you’d recommend? Any pairing, complete or not, on-hiatus, gen, oneshots, anything is fine lol

I was legitimately just pruning my bookmarks the other day!! thank you so much for asking.

I don't read too much fanfic these days, and I'm picky when I do--only about grammar/punctuation and immersion though. I ship a LOT of stuff (I guess The Youth would call me a proshipper) and although I never read darkfic, I don't shy away from weirder kinks and unhealthy relationship stuff.

categorizing by pairing, if applicable. some of them are smutty, and please note that the first 3 come from FFN which doesn't have a tagging system, but there is some SA CW I'll give in advance.

KAKASAKU | my first OTP! formative fics that totally reshaped my understanding of what fanfiction could be, and how well-written chemistry can make it or break it

HOUSE OF CROWS is the quintessential kakasaku fanfic. it was written during shippuden and so is canon divergent because of that, but also tells a comprehensive story of its own right that is intriguing and well planned. excellent characterization and world building. leaves me gutted in the best way on my yearly reread.

DUTY BEFORE HONOR is another silvershine classic. I don't reread is as often as House of Crows but they are just about equal in quality. again, the chemistry between them is off the charts, and the world feels so alive.

WILL OF FIRE for me is up there with House of Crows in being essential kakasaku reading. cynchick is a multisaku champion and a wonderful storyteller. the stakes in this one are stressful, the romance tense and believable, and we once again get lovely world building and great chemistry.

ITAKISA | a pairing near and dear to me, because men who do everything wrong are so deeply relatable. they both know they don't deserve anything good ever again but they found each other!!!! ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS--

A SHARK HIDDEN INN THE LEAVES doesn't have my favorite version of Kisame, but he's plenty close enough. it's a lengthy oneshot that got me into certain *ahem* kinks. it is a very fun and wild fic that is entirely self-aware of how absurd it's being, and manages to have nothing but sincerity at the same time (and I highly recommend the author's other stories as well)

AN ORCHESTRA PLAYING ON, INSANE is a modern AU (extremely rare in my bookmarks) that absolutely tore my heart out. god is it SO much to ask for these losers to be happy?! yes, it is, and I love every moment of it

MADAMITO | a rarepair I am SUCH a sucker for that has some of the most talented authors writing for it. lots of them have ot3 elements between them and hashirama, often angsty, but stuff like that is part of the appeal for me, lol

A HANDFUL OF SKY is an unfinished fic that I genuinely think about like once a week. if it ever updates then I will be over the moon. technically hashimadamito but it hadn't quite gotten there yet

LIKE ALTARS is just such a beautiful piece of writing, mostly on madara. it is everything, that is all

BLOOD AND RIVER WATER is more mito-centric but has one of my favorite madaras of all time

YOURS ARE RATTLED BONES is another short, mito-centric but gut-wrenching piece featuring the opposite type of madara from the last one

OTHER | character-centric stuff that isn't necessarily shippy but also doesn't have a very "gen" vibe either?

A SERPENT IN THE RICE is a little series about orochimaru that makes me feel so so so many things. highly recommended

HERETIC is such a love letter to kushina, and kurama too. cannot stress enough how much I adore this one

there's a few others that I probably won't link on tumblr, mostly unhealthy and/or "problematic" smut hhfhdj but maybe I'll make a public rec list on ao3 for these different categories and stuff like that.

but yeah that's pretty much it!!! I know it's not a huge list with a lot of variety but it's what I've enjoyed over the last 15+ years in the naruto fandom.

[timelesslords]

fic writer twenty questions!!!

I got tagged by the beautiful lovely gorgeous @tapemonkey21 who has written some of my fav star wars fics to date and who got me on the cody/obi-wan/satine train without which my current wip would not exist <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

55!

2. What's your AO3 word count?

812,034 😵‍💫

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Rn only star wars with Ahsoka in it, but I've written for TLOU and PJO too!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Under Freezing Stars

have my back, yeah, every day

Violent Heart

invisible string

For Real This Time

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yesssss!!! I honestly love responding to comments just as much as reading them. I like chatting with people and hearing their thoughts and their theories and what they want to happen next!! I think it makes it more fun for everyone but especially for me hehe

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

and the waves come crashing down for sure. I'm really not an angsty ending kind of person except with that fic lol

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Roman Holiday has the cheesiest mushiest most ridiculous holiday fluff ending ever <3

8. Do you get hate on fics?

haha yea 😭 messed up some niche details in my star wars fic and got absolutely lambasted in the comments lmao i never wanted to post sw again 😭 but then i realized i just needed to find the gay people and it all worked out lol

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I would say I'm retired from smut writing lmao 😭 but idk maybe something will change. i am not typing out the gory details of everything ive written on here I have no desire to get cancelled again

10. Do you write cross overs? What's the craziest one you've written?

No but I do write AU fusions <3 my favorite stupid insane one was a James Potter/Lily Evans Batman universe fusion fic it lowkey ate but I had to hide it because I was embarrassed at the quality and the very just-took-sociology-101 level of social commentary 😭

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so???? back in the day maybe lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I have had a few podfics of my fics made and that is my absolute most favorite thing ever ever 🥹

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes with my wonderful beautiful brilliant best friend forever who shares half of my brain @captain-jackson

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

all-time...,, whew. rn it's definitely Codywan. Idk if I have an all-time transcendent one that I always come back to tbh. I'm really more into platonic relationship dynamics than ships tbh

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever wilI?

God, I have one re-writing the Zygerria arc where Ahsoka sneaks onto the mission instead of being incorporated into it that i want to finish SO BAD. when the ties that bind is done I'm really going to hammer it out because I do love it but its kind of a monster.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm good with dialogue and characterization and, on occasion, plot twists.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I hate writing filler. I can't do it for the life of me, which means I also tend to have pretty poor pacing. im also bad at ending scenes which is why many times my chapters will end with my characters falling asleep 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

jesus fucking christ it's so hard. doing it for Mando'a is hard and it's not even a real language. Usually I just go for the itallics but sometimes it's nice to have the immersion (which only works if you do it perfectly lol)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I did not stake out the username "timelesslords" back in 2013 for the answer to this question to NOT be Doctor Who

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

cheating and doing my fav from my three main fandoms:

Under Freezing Stars because it was the first long piece of fiction I ever finished, and without it I would not have made three of my best friends in the whole world so its very special and important to me

if you never bleed you're never gonna grow is one where I feel like I did something interesting and innovative with form and perspective and I'm really proud of it. I feel like a lot of times as a fic writer you can feel like what you're doing is repetitive and this one felt really unique to me!

The Ties That Bind is still a WIP but I honestly really love it and have been loving the process of writing it a lot. it's the first WIP I started posting without having at least 75% of the fic completed and it's been really interesting to see what a different process it is pre-writing vs writing as you go! Also, I love the plot contrivance that makes up the premise, I love working out all the little butterfly effects of that decision, I love making it gay and poly and I love writing a million different perspectives!!!

this was so super fun I miss doing tag games like this hehe :3 low pressure tags @bbyannabeth @lena-hills @bookishjules @captain-jackson & anyone else who wants to consider urself tagged by me :3

[justallihere]

20 Questions for the Writers Tag Game!

I was tagged by @widebrimmedhatsblog

1. Total number of AO3 works

8!

2. Total AO3 word count

291,174

3. Fandoms I've written for

The only thing I've ever really published that's been popular is The Empyrean. I have a couple ACOTAR ideas but they've never seen the light of day

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

storm in the quiet (5,357)

simmer (609)

invisible in a violet sea (515)

violence in my veins (499)

somehow i still love you more (499)

5. Do I respond to comments?

....sometimes. Generally no because I'm really horrible at making time for it. But know that I read them all over and over again!! I'm trying to be better

6. What has the angstiest ending?

Everything that's currently posted has a happy ending. Storm in the quiet has the most angst overall, and some people might find the ending angsty but I don't think it is lol

7. What has the happiest ending?

Probably somehow i still love you more. Just Xaden and Violet and their baby, living their happy lives 😌

8. Have I received hate?

Not really! A couple people here and there who I think either didn't get the point of some of my work or it wasn't their thing and they told me about it anyway, but no outright hate

9. Do I write smut? And what kind?

Yes. Anything with a praise kink basically

10. Do I write crossovers?

Nope.

11. Have I ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have I ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! Maybe someday someone will want to.

13. Have I ever co-written a fic?

I have not. I'm so particular about my writing I don't know how it would go for me lol

14. What is my all time favorite ship?

For the Empyrean, Riorgail are my babies 🥰

15. A WIP I'll never finish?

Uh I started a Violet/Aaric fic set during Iron Flame that I don't think I'll ever pick back up

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue and probably descriptions? I love taking the time to describe what the characters are seeing and feeling

17. Writing weaknesses?

Any type of action/fight scene. I hate it so much

18. Do I like foreign language dialogue?

A lot of untranslated dialogue when I'm reading takes me out of the story because I have to keep translating it myself. As far as writing, I don't really write it because I don't speak other languages besides English, so I wouldn't want to get it wrong

19. First fandom I wrote for?

I think it was PJO way back in the day? It never got published

20. Favorite fic I've written?

storm in the quiet. It's so long but it's really been a labor of love and the response I've gotten to it isn't something I'll ever forget. It's been an incredible experience sharing it with everyone 💕

I don't have anyone to tag so if you want to participate please do!!!