#I swear when my gramps imported it was legal

[laneeeyyy]

shitting bricks rn bc I can't decide if I wanna be a twink or a cvnt. Maybe both. Both is good.

[bisexualyato]

Series: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Pairing: Caesar Zeppeli/Joseph Joestar

Rating: General

Words: 1,909

Contains: Caesar Doesn’t Die AU, submarine telephones and Jotaro feeling awkward. Minor Part 3 spoilers.

When Egypt is almost within their reach, Joseph decides he has to make a very important phone call.

(Based on ep 23 of Stardust Crusaders)

AO3 mirror over here!

Telephone Line

There's something soothing about being surrounded by water, trapped in a small submarine. Maybe other people wouldn't find it exactly calming, but when you've been on two plane crashes, two sunken ships, and rode camels without any preparation, you learn to take things as they come. Probably.

Jotaro was sitting on one of the chairs of the main space of the submarine, while the other four men looked around the place. Polnareff was busy asking Avdol what this button did, or what this screen said, and he was answering his questions with more patience than he had expected. Joseph had decided to stand by a window, entertained by all the fishes coming near them, and Kakyoin had decided to look around and inspect the place.

“I have to say I'm impressed by the Speedwagon Foundation.” Once he had finished touring the room, Kakyoin had sat down near Jotaro. He was still looking around, with a smile of curiosity on his face. “This submarine has all the commodities. It even has a telephone.”

He wasn't exactly a submarine expert – this was his first time inside a working one - so he wondered if the telephone could really work, with them sixty meters underwater and all. Then again, the Speedwagon Foundation was resourceful enough to make Joseph a fully functioning prosthetic hand. An underwater telephone didn't seem too impossible.

On the corner of his eyes, he noticed his grandfather had stopped looking out of the window. He saw him walk towards the phone, which apparently none of them had noticed until Kakyoin had pointed it out.

“Hey.” The man called out. “I have to make an important call, so keep quiet.”

That was directed at Polnareff, who was the only one speaking loud enough to be a bother. The french finally stopped pointing at the different lights turning on and off, and looked at the elder man. He opened his mouth to complain, but Joseph just turned to the telephone.

Jotaro watched him, because really he didn't have anything better to do than to eavesdrop his grandfather's phone calls, as he dialed a number.

After a few seconds of silence, someone picked up.

“This is the Speedwagon Foundation.”

Even though Joseph had his back towards the rest of the group, Jotaro noticed the way his body relaxed at the sound of that voice. A few more seconds passed by, without anyone talking.

“Hello?”

“Oh, Caesarino! What's up?”

Suddenly, the whole room was invaded by a sound. A loud sound, coming from the telephone. It took Kakyoin and Polnareff by surprise, making them jump.

Jotaro huffed with the faintest smile. Avdol, on the control panel, smiled knowingly.

Screaming. Lots of loud screaming. Loud enough to make Joseph drop the telephone and it hang for a few seconds, while the person on the other side of the line continued screaming. He could hardly make out what he was saying. It was mostly Italian words. And not very nice words, to be honest. There were a few English sentences, such as “I can't believe you!” or “What the hell, Jojo!”

Joseph hurried to pick up the phone.

“Caesar- I said I'm sorry! Stop- Yes, I know, but-!”

Never in the four weeks they had been traveling, battling one Stand user after the other, had Jotaro seen his grandfather like this. It was incredibly amusing, seeing the old man trying to handle something that seemed so out of his hands.

He felt someone touch his shoulder, and he turned his head to see Polnareff. He had moved, standing now between Jotaro and Kakyoin, and was looking at him with a mix of fear and curiosity.

“Oi, Jotaro.” He whispered, although that wasn't really necessary. With the ruckus on the phone, it was unlikely Joseph would hear their conversation. “Do you know who Mr Joestar is talking to? I can't believe there's someone who can make him apologize like that.”

Jotaro looked at his grandfather again, still amused. He looked back, and now saw that Kakyoin was also looking at him, expecting an answer, with the same expression as Polnareff.

“Gramps Caesar.” He answered. When their expression didn't change, he added. “His husband.”

Well, legally speaking that may not have been true. Gramps Caesar and the old man weren't really legally married, but that didn't stop them from saying they were. Or acting like they were, for that matter. Truth be told, Jotaro had only realized his grandfathers couldn't really be married when someone had corrected him, saying two men couldn't get married. But they didn't care for such formalities, his mother had told him. Jotaro never quite got what she meant, but he didn't really care that much.

Polnareff blinked and let out an understanding “ohh”. Kakyoin seemed slightly more shaken by the news, but realization quickly drew to him.

“He was staying with Joestar-san and Avdol-san at your house, wasn't he?” The read head pondered, and Jotaro nodded.

Gramps Caesar had come with them to Japan, even thought he admitted he had little to do in their crusade. Unlike Joseph and him, Caesar hadn't awoken to a Stand, so when Holly had fallen ill, he'd decided to stay back with the Speedwagon Foundation and look after her.

It wasn't a surprise that Kakyoin didn't remember him that much, considering they hadn't had the time for introductions before setting off to Egypt. Still, he seemed to remember him.

The three of them looked at the phone again, when they noticed the loud Italian swearing had stopped. Joseph was now holding the phone like a normal person, although the line was just loud enough for everyone in the room to hear the conversation. There went whatever privacy the old man could had hoped to have.

After a few “I'm sorry” from both ends, things finally seemed to settle down. A sigh came from the other end of line.

“Joseph.” Gramps Caesar said, worry palpable in his voice. “Couldn't you be bothered to call, at least once?”

The old man shifted, seemingly trying to carefully pick his next words.

“I didn't want to worry you. You already have enough in your plate.”

A dry laugh came from the phone. “You thought I'd be less worried not knowing if you were dead or alive?” Joseph smiled, an amused sound leaving his mouth. It seemed out of place to Jotaro, but who was he to comment on his grandparents' conversations, really.

Joseph's smile quickly died out, as he stood in silence for a moment.

“...Speaking of which.” The older man said carefully, his words slow.

He feared asking this question, as much as Jotaro feared hearing the answer.

“How's Holly?”

Silence spread through the room. His face was as stoic as ever, but his heart was beating hard against his chest. Part of him didn't want to know. Part of him hated every second he spent without an answer.

Caesar's voice came out softly. Holly was his daughter too, regardless of what the official papers said.

“Not very well.” The honestly in his voice hit like a brick. “She's getting weaker by the day, and...” A short pause. “The experts say she'll only last two more weeks in this condition.”

It hit him – no, both of them – as a bucket of cold ice. Of course, he was expecting this. He knew how bad his mother had been when the four of them left, he'd been told she only going to get worse.

Still, hearing his fears being confirmed just made it feel real. Too real.

Gramps Caesar went on, saying how they'd tried everything they could, even that Hamon Jotaro had heard about and didn't really understand. It hadn't worked, but they already knew that. His voice sounded reassuring, but Jotaro knew the man must be just as shaken by all of this as his husband and grandson.

Joseph didn't say anything for a moment. Jotaro noticed he'd never seen the old man think this much as he'd done since he heard Caesar's voice.

“Take care of her.” He finally said.

Jotaro felt a hand in his shoulder, this time Kakyoin's. He gave him a reassuring look, And Polnareff just nodded silently. He grabbed his cap and lowered it, hiding his eyes with a huff.

Someone laughed. It came from the other line of the phone. It was soft, and not really humorous, but the effect it had on Joseph was easily noticeable.

“What are you so quiet for? This isn't like you, Jojo.”

“O-Oh.” Joseph blabbed, then scratched the back of his head. “I guess you're right.”

“Just hurry up and teach that asshole Dio a lesson. Holly and I are waiting for you.”

The old man huffed with confidence. “Just you wait, we'll be back before you know it.”

Caesar hummed, a smile on his voice.

“Your next line will be “I love you”.”

“I love you-” Caesar groaned “I thought you stopped doing that.”

“I just can't get enough of your reaction.” Joseph was grinning, happier than Jotaro had seen him in... well, a very long time.

“I'm beating you up as soon as you come back.”

“Oh? Are you gonna spank me? That's kinky.”

Jotaro nearly choked on air. Next to him, Polnareff didn't seem to be doing much better. Kakyoin put a hand over his mouth, his expression hard to read. He couldn't see Avdol from where he was sitting, and he wasn't sure if the sound he just made had been of surprise or amusement.

That's a mental image he'd never wanted to think about. And now it was one he couldn't get off his head.

“Jojo!” Caesar shouted, almost as loudly as his Italian swearing. Then he seemed to realize something. “Is Jotaro over there too?”

Joseph turned around, finally acknowledging the existence of four other people in the room. His eyes traveled through each one of them until they locked with Jotaro's.

He felt a shiver.

“Ceaserino~” The elder man sung. “I wuv you~”

Jotaro's eye twitched. Polnareff was trying hard not to laugh.

“I wuv you too, my Jojoy.” Holy shit. “My sweet beefcake.”

If there was something worse than traveling the Middle East, fighting Stand users almost every day... That was having to hear your grandfathers – which, to top this all, were two old but very muscular old men – call each other cheesy nicknames as they put the worst cute voice he'd heard in his life.

It wasn't long until Polnareff started laughing out loud. Kakyoing and Avdol followed him shortly after, all while Joseph and Caesar continued their terrible act.

“Gimme a break.”

---

When he hung up, there was still a soft smile on his face. Sometimes he couldn't believe Jojo. Sometimes he didn't know why he was even surprised.

Caesar sighed. Even if he was a big stupid goof, he always managed to make everything... easier. He couldn't thank him enough, and he knew Joseph didn't need him to say those things out loud. He already knew.

He absently caressed the ring on his left hand, reviving the conversation in his mind. He hadn't heard Joseph's voice is what felt like an eternity, so he wanted to cherish it.

With a sigh, he walked away, back to Holly's room. He'd wait a little, he decided, and then call again to check on Jotaro. The boy was certainly still embarrassed, to be sure, but he'd appreciate the chance to speak to him.

For now, he'd go back to work.