#I swear to God it's like I'm living with my sister again she was so gross it's genuinely distressing to me

[mako-island-moon-pool]

Had my first 'pissed off' clean today bc I could not find any counter space to make sandwiches for me and my roommate's lunch tomorrow because of all the garbage (not mine) and dirty dishes (also not mine) just sitting out... Think I owe my mom an apology lol

[woso-dreamzzz]

Leaving VII

Alexia Putellas x Teen!Reader

Summary: Olympic chaos with your sister

Y/NPutellas.S has started a live video. Click to join!

"-Got two backpacks," You're saying as Alexia clicks on your video," I think one of them might become my racket bag because the one I'm using right now is falling apart."

You shove the bags away, glancing around the space as you drag more towards you.

"There's a toiletry bag as well which is full of stuff I probably won't even use."

You pause as you scroll through the comments.

"What sport am I competing in? Oh, I'm doing tennis...Who will be the hardest to play against? Iga, always. I train with her most of the time and I think I've only beaten her a few matches this year. She's scary. Coco always gives me a good competition too. I think she text me a few hours ago but I haven't answered just yet."

You go back to showing off your haul.

You're very complimentary of all of the shoes but you seem confused as to why you've been given so many socks.

Alexia takes a screenshot of a weird face you make while trying on the bucket hat and hastily makes it her profile picture.

"I'm not a fan of the opening skirt," You tell your followers," It's not really my style. I'll wear it because I have to but...What's that? My sister's here?"

You crowd a bit closer to your phone, brows furrowed as you scroll up looking for Alexia's comments.

She feels triumphant at the look of horror on your face when you see her profile picture.

"Alexia!" You shriek," Change it back! My eyes aren't even open! Ale, please!"

Alexia does not change it back and you swear under your breath at her.

"I'm telling Mama!"

Alexia Putellas: Go ahead, you little snitch

"I'm not a snitch!"

Alexia Putellas: Yes, you are

"Don't listen to her guys! She's such a liar!"

You've always been more active on social media than Alexia and fans eat up any content you post on your TikTok. Most of your fans are just people that watch tennis but you've gone viral overnight when you posted a video of you and Iga reuniting at the Olympic Village.

Suddenly, everyone wants content from you and you're posting more than you ever have before.

A lot of it still centres around your tennis, out on the practice courts with the rest of team Spain but there's more domestic things like you retaping your racket grip and showing off everything in the Olympic Village.

Something in Alexia snaps when you make a video complaining about how uncomfortable your cardboard bed is. Suddenly, she's stitching your video.

Her camera pans across her normal hotel bed and ends with her giving a thumbs up to the camera with a smug grin on her face.

Her own fans go crazy over her posting something outside of sponsorships and it's strange to see that some people don't even know who you are.

woso.alexia.engen: Who was the first person in the video???? -> captainklittle: Alexia's little sister! She's representing Spain for tennis!

A second stitch appears hours later, piggybacking off a video of you complaining about your lack of AC. There's no sound apart from the very deliberate flick of Alexia's own AC switch.

It seems every complaint you post, Alexia finds a way to show off how much better she has it in a hotel outside of Paris.

You decide, perhaps a little pettily, to show off what she's missing.

"Hi, guys!" You say," I know a lot of people were wondering about pin trading so I thought I would bring you along for the ride! I've already got a Poland one from Iga and a US one from Coco but I've been wanting a Team GB one and I'm also meeting up with Paolini so she can give me an Italy one."

It's another live video and thank god there's a break in training, so Alexia can jump onto it again.

Jenni and Misa crowd around her at the same time, curious as to what's going on with you.

"I was talking to Carlos at breakfast and he was telling me that the coaches have ordered us all mattress toppers because the beds have started to affect how we're performing."

Alexia Putellas: Sucks to be you, doesn't it?

"Alexia, I swear to god if you keep bullying me then I'm telling Mama and she'll fly out to whoop your ass!"

Alexia Putellas: 🤪

"And Jenni I knew that it's you that just sent that because Alexia doesn't understand emojis."

"Fuck," Jenni mutters.

"Wait, give me the phone. I'll fix it," Misa says.

Alexia Putellas: Who's Jenni?

"Misa, I know that's you as well. Stop trying to cover for each other and I'll tell Mama and she'll whoop all of you."

Alexia doesn't get her phone back for the rest of your live but she does get a strongly worded text from Eli after it's over to grow up and not let her friends bully you.

Alexia calls you a snitch.

You remind her that she should stop bullying you.

"Look who it is!" Jenni cajoles as you come running out of the village to crash into Alexia," Baby Putellas!"

But you're not really listening to her as Alexia presses her forehead against yours, whispering fast Catalan to you as you giggle.

"Aw..." Misa continues where Jenni left off," Look at them! Two sisters! Reunited!"

You and Alexia push each other away, turning your back and pretending that you weren't hugging just a few moments ago.

You turn back to her quickly, hand out. "Can I have your pins?"

"What? No! They're mine!"

"You're not even in the Village! You can't use them!"

"Yes I can!" Alexia splutters out," I've been trading them!"

"Yeah? With who?"

"Jenni!"

"Liar! You've got the same pins! Come on, Ale. Give them over!"

"I will...for a price."

As Alexia lays out her terms, you bring everyone up to your room.

Jenni and Misa split off briefly to check out the dining hall but Alexia comes straight up with you.

"It's actually cardboard," She says, poking at your bed frame.

"Yeah? Do you think we were all lying about that? It's proper cardboard. You can draw on it if you want."

A smile splits your sister's face open.

"Never mind. I don't want you drawing on my bed."

Alexia pokes it. "Do you think it's true? That two people can't get on it at the same time?"

You shrug, rummaging through your bedside table. "I don't know. Why?"

You never get your answer though.

Arms are around your waist suddenly and you're being hauled backwards as Alexia slams herself onto your bed, dragging you back with her.

You may not get an answer but Alexia certainly does because the moment the two of you land, there's an almighty ripping noise and your bed goes to ground very quickly.

"Oops," You sister says.

"Alexia!"

"Sorry?"

"You don't sound very sorry at all."

"Yeah...You're right. I'm not sorry in the slightest. Hey! Stop hitting me!"

"You're lucky I'm not beating you with my rackets!"

"Hey. Hey! It's fine! You can get a new bed."

"Jenni and Misa are going to take the piss out of me! How could you do this, Ale?"

As annoying as your sister is, she at least has the decency to push the blame off onto her friends as you both hastily raise your bed up again and wait for Jenni and Misa to arrive.

They seem to have the same idea as Alexia, jumping onto your bed without so much of a greeting.

But, as planned, the bed collapses under them and the shock of their faces is enough for Alexia breaking your bed to be worth it. Their faces are even funnier as they head downstairs to ask for a new one for you.

Behind your back, Alexia passes you a handful of pins.

JenniHermoso10 has started a live video. Click to join!

"Forward! Forward!"

"I am going forward!"

"More forward! When I say forward, it doesn't mean shuffle! It means walk forward! You're a person not a pigeon!"

"And here we have Olympic football player Alexia Putellas and Olympic tennis player y/n Putellas, attempting to climb onto the rings," Jenni narrates from behind the camera.

"It's not going well," Misa says, as Alexia nearly throws you from your spot on her shoulders," Alexia is clearly struggling."

"I'm not struggling!" Alexia insists, yelping as you twist her hair in your hands.

"Forward!

"This is as forward as I can get!"

"That's such bullshit! Move closer!"

"I can't!"

"You can!"

"I don't think they're ever going to make it," Jenni says," It's like they can't-"

"Stop! Ale, stop! Left a bit. No! Too left. Right again. Left! Right! Left!"

"Left, right, forward, back," Alexia mutters," Make up your mind."

"Left and...got it...Wait! Don't let go!"

You haul yourself from your sister's shoulders onto the centre ring, positioning yourself perched on the sliver of the yellow ring that enters the black one.

"Alright," Alexia says," Give me a hand."

"What? No! You'll pull me off!"

"Give me your hand!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

She braces herself on the lower rings and grabs your hand, pulling herself into the centre ring before you can even shove her off.

"Oh," She says," That was pretty easy." Alexia grins at you but the smile drops from her face when she notices the pensive look you're wearing. "What is it?"

"I've just realised," You laugh in disbelief," When Mama said she wanted a picture of us and the rings. I think she meant in front of them. Not in them."

"Oh."

[fancyfeathers]

Since Daughter!Reader is normally shown to be afraid of the batfamily(based on multiple asks) which I understand why, do you ever think Batfam has seen her at school, or maybe Damian, has caught her being her at school? Maybe she's a little aggressive she has some pent up feelings. Like Damian is watching from outside Daughter!Reader's classroom as she battles a boy for her paper, and uh oh she curses. "Gimme the- Gimme the goddamn paper! You little rat." She grits out at said boy and smacks him with her paper once she gets it back. (To me Goddamn isn't a curse word but i think the batfam has banned her from saying anything of the sorts so to them it probably is.) Then the rest of the day he just watches as she practically tackles people, hits them playfully, or even lets them play fight her.

Yandere Batfam w/ Wife/Mother!Darling & Daughter/Sister!Darling Masterlist

this reminds me of one of my friends in high school, he was on the lights crew for theater, and the cast and crew all called him Rat, affectionately.

So I went to a private school and stuff definitely happened. Still, the thing is it did not happen often cause you would get in trouble, so let's be honest Damian and her would definitely be private school kids, so if this was to happen it would probably be if she had an extracurricular that Bruce would approve of, so not sports cause she could get hurt, she could be a tutor, choir is okay. Still, probably theater or some form of preforming arts and let me tell you as a theater kid who does ballet for a living now, theater kids are the most unhinged people on the planet and this sounds like pure theater kid behavior.

So Damian would be going by the rehearsal room because she forgot the snack that Alfred packed for her because Bruce is tired of her skipping meals so now what she eats is monitored. He just slightly opens the door and he just hears...

"Give me my script you fucking whore or I swear to god your mother never loved you."

Damian just sticks his head in and sees his sister running after one of her friends and people are just talking and acting like nothing wrong, even the theater teacher is just sitting there like this is completely normal behavior before rehearsal.

"oh, I'm the whore? We both know your boyfriend gave you head in the gardens after his tennis practice."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

It just ends up with them chasing each other around the room before rehearsal starts and the teacher gets them in line, then Damian comes in and gives her her snack while they are working on something that doesn't involve her yet and he just looks at her with the harshest glare she has ever seen.

"Say any of that foulmouthed language again and I will tell Father and I am sure he would be more than happy to have you homeschooled."

"Fine, whatever."

After that, her friends really start not liking Damian because he is always keeping an eye out to catch her again, just one slip-up. Like they will be walking in the hallway, chatting during the passing period while on their way to their next class and they pass by Damian and right as they reach their next class she gets a text from Damian...

Your uniform skirt is pulled up four inches too high, go to the bathroom and fix it before I see you again.

But this gets so bad that her friends have even started to confront Damian about it. Like it will be at the end of the day and he is putting stuff back into his locker and they come up to him and they are nice at first, trying to explain things to him, making fun of each other is sort of their love language and they promise they aren't getting his sister into any trouble of anything, they just want her to have fun and not feel lonely because she was so depressed when they asked her to join the preforming arts department and now she is actually happy now that she has a small bit of freedom in her life-

"None of that matters, you are encouraging delinquent behavior, and none of your fun matters when my sister's safety is at stake when she spends time with your sort of people."

"God, you have a stick up your ass, did your mother not love you or something?"

"Jesus, calm down he has a step mom."

"Oh, so he was from an affair, not surprising."

After that, Damian realized how popular his sister was because the next day more than half of the school hated him, it's really not surprising she was a very likable person and her boyfriend was the top student at the school, student council president sort of person. When he came home he had photos of what his locker looked like, completely defaced with the foulest of language and when he tried to report it the principal told him that with all the talk in the school at the moment about him there was just no way to prove who did it, but she had the audacity that maybe if he tried to be more likable than it would stop.

"Maybe if you tried to act your age and not twenty years older then people wouldn't have a problem with you. You are not an adult yet, so you should not act as if you are your sister's keeper because I know your sister and she is a bright young lady who does not need you breathing down her neck."

[daenystheedreamer]

faith dashboard simulator

💙 maidenlover Follow

its actually so faithphobic that so called "friends of rhaena" have appropriated maiden devotion... it sexualises a very personal relationship with a real facet of the seven that many of us have ACTUALLY DEVOTED OUR LIVES TO

⚢ rhaelissatruther

girl you forgot to private your likes you're one of us

💎 mothermaidenhoe

🕯️traedwyfe Follow

🎶 red orange yellow green blue indigo purples in the sky

summer's in the air and baby, seven heavens' in your eyes 🎶

#the rainbow faith #rainbow not rhaena #laena of dell rae AKA the lady bard #dollaette #coqaette #faithofthesevenedit #please i'm a star #septa urge #lady manipulator #light acaedaemia

⚔️ knightofthefaith

FUCK they're sending me to be the septon of the night's watch... girl you know what they do to sexy slender wide eyed septons like myself!!!

#PRAYING theyre sexy murderers not uggo ones... manifesting

⭐️ brideofhugor Follow

No. You know what? F*** Y'ALL.

As many of you know I have recently been assigned to a certain castle in the stormlands and have been aiding the maester in reorganising the large library.

I just found several illuminated manuscript of an er*tic nature detailing s*xual acts of septas and septons. Including one of Hugor (blessed he be) Himself.

I don't expect much of you SINNERS (we all know of the recent poll circulating...) but sexualising those who devote themselves to loving only the gods... and crucially making the choice to remain celibate in this mission... the audacity. Enjoy the Seven Hells!

🫦 swordinyourstar

im gonna go to a septry fuck all those bald brothers so hard the hair in their tonsures grow back cos my seed is THAT strong

#why are they called holy brothers if im not supposed to fuck their holes

🔘 old-friends-senior-seven-septry-deactivated-101AC

I just want to get dicked down again =/

🌠 faith-struggle-posts

official faith struggle post

🌟 starrysepta

i do finally feel at home finally out of my noviciate and as a full septa of the faith but they do NAWT tell you how catty your sisters will be... they sent me to a motherhouse in the WESTERLANDS just outside of lannisport 💀 if another one of these fake bitches tries currying favour with house lannister im gonna get myself sent to the silent sisters.

🌟 starrysepta

beheading myself omg another suspiciously blonde-haired green-eyed hill surname haver has joined the noviciate please mother above get me reassigned to the vale id rather risk getting stolen by a mountain clansmen over having to deal with this whore

#girl he's not gonna legitimise you #and she's having an affair with the laybrother too but like whatever im not a lickspittle

🪽 rivermaiden

the mother of my motherhouse 100% got dicked by our local lord back in the day maybe now too and its ruining my life. she keeps speaking in metaphors about the warrior entering the maiden and its making everyone soooo uncomfortable. AND he's the lord of a certain castle in the riverlands stars with h ends in arrenhal and i swear he's bringing the fucking demons into our sept everytime he visits

#cryyyyingggg i survived the riverlands for one-and-twenty years only to die of blood curse cos knights love chasing septa pusswah omg cant have shit in the riverlands

🌈 septa-septon-suggestions Follow

forever hoping that the light of the seven will one day shine over all westeros ✨

🍁 hearttreehugger Follow

don't go near any weirwoods bitch im watching you 👁️

[emotionaldamages]

mother- daniel riccardo

daniel riccardo x female!reader

in which y/n l/n is the mom of f1 drivers

masterlist

y/n l/n

liked by danielriccardo, landonorris, and 4,743,812

tagged danielriccardo

y/n l/n vacation

comments

username my parents

lilymhe literally the loml, miss you y/n😍

yourusername I MISS YOU BABY 🥹🥹

alex_albon Excuse me?!

username see u all on the highway.

username please god i want what they have

username what am I doing wrong

username I need me a daniel

charles_leclerc you left me home alone 🥹

landonorris she left all of us:(

y/n l/n ill be back my children

username mother I say

daniel3.jpg

liked by y/n l/n, landonorris, and 1,243,812

daniel3.jpg my love

tagged y/n l/n

comments

lilymhe y/n is the love of my life

username give me a chance y/n

username y/n the kids miss u 💔🤞🏻

landonorris stop thirsting over my mom

username lando is meeee

username mother is looking amazing

username the best couple

username get married alreadyyyyy

username ima need to see a ring on her finger soon

username hear me out... a baby

username y/n in black is everything

y/n l/n

liked by maxverstappen, charles_leclerc and 3,533,818

y/n l/n babysitting moments

comments

landonorris ur literally my mother?

charles_leclerc I'm photogenic

alex_albon as lily said I ate that up

y/n l/n yes u did

lilymhe alex is serving

username these are so funny

username estie bestie

username last picture is two golden retrievers

username y/n would be such a good mom

maxverstappen give me chocolate

danielriccardo those are not my children guys

landonorris I'm offended

georgerussell63 then don't be y/n is a wonderful mother

y/n l/n

liked by pierregasly, landonorris, and 3,289,844

y/n l/n no words at all

comments

username you’re actually living my dream

landonorris I look good in a golf kart

charles_leclerc i want icecream

username yuki looks like someone just killed him

username PIERRES FACE IS SO ME

username I wanna hangout with the f1 drivers💔

danielriccardo I look angelic

username daniel gives "he was a fairy" or however it goes

username lando and max swear ur their mother but flip you off

y/n l/n that's what I said

landonorris dont be fooled

maxverstappen she flips us off while taking the pictures

y/nriccardo

liked by danielriccardo, maxverstappen, and 3,545,857

y/nriccardo we're backk did you miss us? because we missed you- kuwtk

comments

username beautiful ethereal breathtaking beauty hot angelic gorgeous pretty cute adorable alluring elegant lovely all nice things adjectives

username AHSJSJSJAKJSJDJSKSKS

username ahahahahahahahaha hey there!!!!!!

username me when.

username someone sedate me pls

username their married-

username I need my inhaler

username what's next the pregnancy announcement

landonorris our parents are finally married

georgerussell63 congratulations!

lilymhe I'm not sharing you with honey badger over there😡

username I'm fine. I'm totally fine. (screaming mentally)

username AHHDUDJWUXBEJSHD that's all I'm saying

charles_leclerc I helped plan the wedding🤫

carlossainz55 mejor boda *best wedding*

danielriccardo

liked by y/nriccardo, carlossainz55, and 2,345,538

danielriccardo suprise??

comments

username I CANT HANFLE THESE SUPRISE WTFSHHX

username oh my

username this is just wow

landonorris I'm a older brother again😿

charles_leclerc mini f1 driver

arthur_leclerc every single driver cried the day we were told

landonorris keep it down arthur

charles_leclerc lando you cried the most

y/nriccardo be nice kids

username baby ricciardo

username a mini daniel or mini y/n running around in the paddock is all I imagine

lilymhe ima be the best auntie

danielriccardo

liked by y/nriccardo, maxverstappen, and 3,545,857

danielriccardo our babygirl is here, Vivienne Ricciardo.

comments

landonorris I HAVE ANOTHER SISTER

maxverstappen the best baby and future f1 driver

charles_leclerc the cutest baby

lilymhe I can't wait to see my vivi

carlossainz55 ♡♡

comments have been limited

[acotarxreader]

Other Worlds part Two

Azriel x reader

Synopsis: Nesta accidentally pulls you from our realm into theirs and a certain Spymaster can't help but be enamoured.

Original Request: "So I was wondering if you could do like Reader is from the modern world but ends up in the ACOTAR world, and ends up like falling in love with one of batboys."

Warnings: Angst, super fluff, my silliest wordplay

A/N: You guys! Welcome to part 2, I'm so so happy you gave so much love to the first part (which was meant to be a oneshot but ye said no!) and I hope you are ready to tolerate even more of my silliest carry on! Let me know what you think (I hope you love it just as much as part 1).

Part 1

---------------------------

“So then what happens?”

“So then Marley di-lives happily ever after”

“Wow, that’s a great story YN" You offer a smile to Elains kind eyes as the two of you lounge in the front room of River House, awaiting the rest of the group. You had been in the Prythian for almost a month and had found your way with great help from Azriel, teething problems aside.

“I’m just gonna get a drink from the kitchen, want anything?” Elain shook her head as you left for a cup of your favourite floral tea, growing tired of waiting for the others. 

“We are going to be late, I swear to Taylor Swift those males better hurry up!” Feyre rushed into the room, haphazardly buckling her shoe before collapsing on the couch alongside her sister. 

“Who’s Taylor Swift?” 

“YN said she’s like their God of war and karma” Elain nodded in understanding, eyes landing back on the small coffee table in front of them. 

“Do you think YN will be okay visiting Hewn City?” 

“What do you think is keeping our lovely friends so long? They’re arguing about it upstairs” Feyre sighed.

“Amren is really not going to be happy with this when she comes back from her travels”

“Yes but Elain, have you ever seen Az so happy?” Elain exhaled in agreement before you re-entered the living room to your new best friends. The three of you spent another half an hour before the three males arrived on the scene from Rhysand’s office. 

“How wonderful of you to grace us with your presence, are we ready to go now?” You say with a sarcastic drawl as Azriel places a gentle kiss on the top of your head before sinking into the plush chair across from you.

“Cass your hair looks different, so shiny?”

“Thank you for noticing Elain, YN has taught me the so-called curly girl/Illyrian method” he beamed with pride that you matched before you turned your attention back to Rhysand.

“Cass and I are going to go ahead with Feyre, we don’t think you’re quite ready for Hewn City YN”

“Correction Rhys, Hewn City isn’t ready for YN” Cassian laughed back, you looked between the two males before looking to Azriel’s soft gaze as he rested his elbows off his knees, head on a hand. He gave a small smile before leaning back fully into the chair, the room silent momentarily. 

“This was your idea wasn’t it?” Azriel feigned offence, hand on his chest before giving a small huff of air.

“Yes…but YN you’d hate it there”

“So, I hate lots of things and deal with that, like Cassian's outfit right now!” you found your feet again along with your sharper tone.

“Ouch!” Cassian cut across you with a half laugh.

“Sorry Cassian honey sweetie baby, I’m mad at the wrong bat” Cassian folded his arms across his chest, he too hated his Hewn City clothes but he nodded in acceptance of your apology. 

“I understand YN, I even wore the boots with the shoelaces you like!”

“Oh, the ones from the president?” you gave a small laugh to yourself.

“Yeah!.....Whatever that means” Cassian furrowed his brow in thought.

“Anyways, I’m going to Hewn City with you guys!”

“YN, it's really not like here-”

“So? I want to see the whole of Prythian and I don’t want to beg you to take me anywhere” Feyre’s head shot towards her mates at your somewhat desperate tone, a knowing look shared between the two. 

“She’s coming” Rhysand and Feyre said in unison, gaining a shocked expression from both you and Azriel. 

-------------------------

That was the end of it, the group was on its way, Azriel sulking for the duration of the journey. The air was knocked out of you at the full scale and odd sense of beauty at Hewn City, it had a different kind of charm to it than Velaris, one that was much less obvious. You felt the group's easy-going nature completely dissolve as you crossed the threshold of a large ballroom-like space where Feyre and Rhysand held court.

You walked at the rear of the group alongside Elain, her timid deamour growing tenfold, your eyes traced the crowd all bowed to the ground before your eyes landed on the back of Azriel and Cassian ahead of you. The whole sight made you feel ill, an entire world away from your realm or even how the residents of Velaris acted.

You felt the cool familiar touch of Azriel’s shadows trace along your lower back in soothing circles easing you into the new harsh environment. You fought back a laugh when the room sank lower to the ground as Rhysand and Feyre entered, the idea of bowing to Rhysand was humorous to you but the somewhat goofy demeanour you so regularly saw from him, completely evaporated. 

You sat to the side of the dais while the High Lord and Lady discussed various topics of the Court, Azriel fighting every bone in his body not constantly to check you over to make sure you were okay. 

“I’m going to get a drink” You slipped from your chair and down the stone steps, leaving Nesta and Elain to debate book characters. You pushed away the feeling of Azriel’s eyes burning into your back as you reached a group of staff. One reached out an almost rattling hand towards you with the tray and you smiled, she remained unable to reach your eye. 

“Thanks…nice party huh?” You raised an eyebrow when she didn’t reply to you, the others seemingly also nervous. 

“I used to be a waitress at this fancy restaurant, I get how it feels to be suffocated by pompous energy like the kind that comes from Rhysand” you offered jokingly, her eyes darting to yours in surprise before snapping back forward, her slight tremble growing. 

“Ah and who are you lovely creature?” Your head whipped around to a tall, broad male with golden hair and deep brown eyes that examined you with fine focus. He outstretched a hand to yours and you took it reluctantly, something twisting in your stomach. 

“Keir, Steward of the Night Court”

“YN, newest stray of the Night Court” You gave a sarcastic smile, moving to go past him, his grip tightening on your hand.

“Oh YN, please stay and chat” He placed his empty glass harshly down on the vibrating server’s tray, throwing the balance of the silverware. You flinched at the feeling of the golden bubbly liquid covering your dress. The sound of the smashing fine crystal and the female dropping instantly to the floor to try to recover from the dire situation drew eyes from all over the room. 

“Oh fuck” You jumped back slightly before bending down to help the panicking fae, Keir’s grip on your wrist harshened further, pulling you back up. 

“Disgraceful scum” he spat downwards at the female before snapping his fingers. Two giant guards seemingly appeared from nowhere to haul her to her feet and drag her back, she shouted slightly in pure terror, only to be smacked across the face by a guard. 

“What the fuck?!” Fury rising in your eyes, Azriel began to make his way through the commotion. 

“I know YN, she ruined your lovely dre-”

“Not her, prick! You! Where the fuck do you get off treating people like that?”

“I beg your pardon” his face darkened, his grip burning into your wrist, you swore you could feel the joint rearranging itself. It suddenly lessened as Azriel finally met your side and you yanked your arm downward away from him entirely.

“Keir, YN didn’t mean-”

“Eh yes YN did mean it” you bit back at the Spymaster before storming away from the two males, the room’s volume swelling back to full volume as if this was a normal occurrence.

You marched out of the decadent building and into the streets of the Court of Nightmares, stumbling slightly in the long midnight blue dress that clothed you. You hiked up the dress slightly before continuing to stomp through the streets, gaining a few quizzical glances from the residents. You were struck by the difference of character that occupied the course of your path, the slightly crumbling infrastructure, a stark difference to the building you just left. 

“YN, there you are, it's not safe to be out here alone” Azriel jogged to your side, collecting his uncharacteristic panicked expression before you faced him. 

“This place…this place...”

“I know YN, it’s its own beast”

“But it's under Rhysand and Feyre’s control?” he nodded in confirmation.

“So they could fix it right?”

“It's a bit more complicated than that YN”

“How!? There seems to be endless wealth at home” Azriels heart warmed at the word home, the thought of you feeling so comfortable in his world filling him with pride. 

“It… it's just how it's always been” he offered softly, reaching for your hand, a dark ring of marbling growing across your wrist joint, Azriel’s eyes bore into the marking.

“He hurt you”

“Az, he’s just an asshole, I’m more concerned about that girl” he ran a thumb over the maroon, Cassian landing alongside you both. 

“Come on we’re leaving, Nesta is bored and I want to keep learning that Hot-to-Go dance” you let a slight laugh leave you as he made the shapes of letters with his arms, Azriel still unable to tear his eyes away from your wrist. 

“Bring YN home, I’ll follow you” he didn’t give you much of a choice as he dissolved into shadows. 

—--------------------------------------

The group sat around the dining room table in the Town House, all in the usual state of exhaustion that a trip to Hewn City brought about, Azriel noticeably absent.

“I just don’t know how you can all just pretend that place doesn’t exist” you cut into the wearied silence, the Inner Circle pushing their dinner around their plates.

“YN...” Rhysand’s tone was warning as he took a sip from his glass of wine.

“I mean Feyre how can you just sit here and-”

“YN!” Rhysand barked again and you sat back in your chair, dropping your fork and entering a staring contest with the High Lord of Night.

“You were outraged at the tits in Spring Court but this you accept!?” you continued on, Mor choked out a laugh through the sip of wine she drank.

“Tithe YN, the tithe” Cassian gently corrected with a wide grin.

“I think she meant what she said, Tamlin was acting like one-” the table hummed in amused agreement to Mor.

“-We’re working on it but it's a gradual process YN” Feyre offered softly, ending Mor's comment before it could continue, her kind eyes softening the edge of anger in you slightly.

“This is why you people need democracy!” you huffed, remembering the look of terror on that fae’s face from earlier.

“What’s that? A swear word?” Rhysand asked genuinely.

“I’m sure to people like you in their ivory tower it is!” you stormed out for the second time that day.

“This house is made of stone, what is she talking about ?I thought we were over her riddle stage” Cassian raised an eyebrow. 

—------------------------------------------

You threw yourself down on your giant bed, feeling every bit a part of the problem you took such an issue with. You sat up again, dragging your hands down your face before something caught your eye. You ambled over to the dresser, the deep red of your university sweatshirt sleeve hanging out of the large drawers. Your thumbs ran over the well-worn fabric, and you smiled down at it. Your dress slipped from your shoulders to your ankles and you replaced it with your beloved sweatshirt, filling you with a warm fuzzy feeling.

“Hey YN” you span around to Azriel, tugging the end of your sweatshirt down a bit further to cover yourself more.

“Hi Azriel” You said faintly, sitting down cross-legged on the bed. Azriel looked drained, your eyes dropping to his hands coated in a fine layer of crimson.

“Where were you?” you spoke cautiously, Azriel rolling his shoulders before moving into the adjacent bathroom, the sound of his clothes hitting the marble sending an electric shiver through you. 

“No one treats you like that” he called out to you, your head tilting. He returned to you in his loose-fitting sleepwear before climbing into the bed, his wings fully relaxing. 

You crawled back up the bed to lie the length of him. He looked down at you, rested in the crook of his arm, his wing curling slightly to bring you in further. Your arm traced up his abdomen to rest on his chest until he took the hand, inspecting it again, the maroon having deepened further, if you were honest you were surprised it wasn’t broken. 

“Yeah...I’m not finished with him” he placed your hand back down and moved to leave the bed, only to be stopped by your weight on top of him.

“Az it's fine” You laughed, unsure how to handle someone having such unending care for you. 

“Rhys told me about dinner-” you groaned at his words after a moment of silence, rolling off of his chest back to his side “-He said he didn’t realise we had adopted a grumpy teenager” he laughed and you hit him in the chest, whilst not taking your eyes from the ceiling above. He kissed the top of your head and you turned upwards to meet his lips, a slight groan of his own leaving him. His mouth tasted of mist and mint and you found it so entirely addictive, he rolled slightly to kiss you further, your hand tracing up his abdomen and across the top of his shoulder. 

“I was kidnapped, not adopted” you teased.

“What’s that thing you always say? Flamingo tornado?”

“Tomato, tomato” You laughed fully and he couldn’t help but trace every contour of your face.

“Probably best not to bring up Tamlin around the two of them, although Mor really enjoyed the show”

“Did you ever notice how Tamlin sounds like tampon-” he raised an eyebrow at your words “-nevermind, for another day”

“We have so much to learn from one another” he gave you an excited squeeze.

“I know, I think you would have liked where I'm from"

“Yeah? Do you regret not trying to get back?” you pulled back to look at his face fully, his worried tone coating your ears. 

“I miss somethings about home” home, but not you didn’t mean Velaris this time, a twinge of sadness washing over Azriel.

“Like what?”

“Emm coffee, my clothes, college to some degree ehhh tv, I don’t know the shower, people understanding my sense of humour”

“You have a sense of humour?” he smirked and you rolled your eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter anyway Azriel, I happily gave it all up for you, graduation and all” You yawned the words out, rolling into a tight ball against his side.

“You never did that exam so how’d you know you’d have graduated?” 

“Wooooooow cold” you laughed into him, eyes closing now. Azriel watched you fall asleep with a smile across your face, his favourite sight, a plot beginning to form in his eyes. 

—----------------------------------

You stretched your arm into the empty space in the bed, sitting up on an elbow to look around to find Azriel long gone from your shared space. You threw on a dressing gown around you, your sweatshirt still lovingly clung to your curves. The hallway was mostly quiet when you entered it, only the sound of distant whispers filling the airways. 

“Azriel?” You called out from the top of the stairs, the whispering silencing immediately followed by what could only be described as scurrying. You traipsed slowly down the staircase, stopping at the bottom to find Cassian stood in the now almost bare living room, only a single desk and chair alongside him. 

“Cassian what the fuc-”

“Eh that’s Mr. Cassian to you Miss!” he spoke with a fake authoritative tone and you could have sworn you heard Azriel whisper that it was a bit overkill.

“Right…is this some kinda sex thing you and Nesta have going on?” you laughed lightly, following your feet into the nearly barren room. 

“Well it might become one-” he winked before coughing to clear his throat “-now ehh, sit down for your exam”

“What?” you chuckled as he pulled out the chair for you, gesturing for you to sit so you did. You looked down at the scrap of paper, ‘Physics Final’ scrawled across the top in Feyre’s penmanship. You looked back to Cassian confused and you could tell he was fighting a laugh, you turned the sheet over to find one question scribbled across the breadth of the page. 

“What is physics?” You laughed the words aloud, Cassian's hand banging off the desk in front of you.

“No talking during the exam!” he barked before covering his mouth to shield his laugh. 

“Right… well you didn’t give me something to write with Sir” you said sarcastically.

“Oh I like it when you call me Sir-” a shadow bolted into Cassian's chest, knocking him back slightly “-okay okay sorry, busybody!….emm just tell me the answer then”

“Okay well very broadly, physics is the science of matter, motion, and energy”

“Emm sure let's go with that, congratulations!” he pulled you up from the chair by the arm and through the hall to the kitchen at the back of the house, your laughs of utter confusion filling the hallway. 

“Surprise! It’s your graduation!” You hand covered your mouth in astonishment, your new family stood with their arms up around the kitchen island, a large cake sitting in the middle of them, banners and streamers covering every surface. Azriel passed a large bunch of flowers into your hand, kissing the top of your head as he did so, the whole scene bringing tears into your eyes. 

“Oh no did we do it wrong?”

“I told you that question was too difficult!” Nesta snapped towards Feyre but you cut her off before she could refute her sister.

“No no you guys this is absolutely perfect, Jesus Christ-”

“I think another one of her friends, potentially related to Xanax?” Cassian whispered to Mor at the sight of her confusion.

“-this is everything” You ignored Cassian, hugging Azriel tightly. 

“And because now you’ve graduated, you’re getting a job!” Feyre beamed and you turned to face her, Azriels arms wrapping around your waist from behind. 

“Yes, I have been thinking a lot about our…discussion yesterday YN and I’m sorry, you’re right, we aren’t doing enough and so, we would love it if you could help us to level the playing field throughout our Court. We’ll set up an office there for you and perhaps begin distributing our resources better. Azriel…took care of Keir so he won’t be an issue, what do you think?” Rhysand seemed almost nervous making the offer, it instantly melting from him when you nodded in agreement. Cassian practically jogged to your side, your favourite mug outstretched in his hand.

“Oh and, I made you this!” You exchanged the flowers for the mug with a smile, it faltered slightly when you looked to find a thick brown sludge coating the inside of the crockery. 

“Ehhh”

“It’s coffee! Or at least my understanding of what coffee, bean water right?” you looked from the mug to his face that radiated pure pride. 

“Emm yes Cassian thank you I love it!” you lied through your teeth and felt Azriel shake with laughter from behind you, your elbow shooting back into his stomach.

“Actually, Azriel you can have the first sip”

“Oh no no YN, I couldn’t-”

“I insist” you turned, passing it into his scarred hand. His gaze bounced from your smug face to Cassian’s eager one as he gulped before taking a small sip of the slush. He fought every instinct to spit it back out.

“Lo-lovely Cass thank you” he managed, putting the mug out of arm's reach, Cassian turning back to cut up the cake.

The group hummed with laughter, unadulterated happiness radiating and you looked around at each of them with such an overwhelming sense of home. You looked to Azriel, who had the same expression you had when looking at his family that he had when he looked at you. 

“Look at our family YN” he said so only you could hear, you turned to wrap your arms around his neck, his going to your hips.

“I’m so glad I fell into this world”

“Fell from the sky like an angel” you tilted your head back with almost a disgusted groan at his cheesy words only gaining a laugh from the Spymaster.

“I should have just risked going into the snow that night”

“I would have followed you, I will follow you anywhere, from this world, into the next”

-------------------------------

Whatcha think?

Tags (which for some reason is working intermittently): @phoenix666stuff @lees-chaotic-brain @dreamscourtgirl @gabby234lopez @chairofchaos @ariaaira

[kmoneymartini]

Drunk in love.

paige x reader

Warnings: SMUTTTTTTT with some plot, fluff, cussing, alcohol, pet names? (If that is one) I think that's all

A/n- this is my first fic. If it's terrible I'm open to constructive criticism! Also I literally live for Paige being a soft switch so that's literally all it is. Also I gave up on the ending bc i didn't know how to write it.

You were sitting next to Paige at the bar everyone goes to after a win. You could tell Paige was getting drunk because she's was getting a little more....handsy.

Right now her hand was rubbing up and down your thigh under the table while she talks about the highlights of the game to the team. Her fingers glide from your hip to your knee, her thumb ever so slightly on the inside of your thigh.

You and Paige had been friends since 6th grade when the blonde almost knocked you out during gym with a basketball. Figures.

"shoot, are you okay?" Little paige said.

"Yea I'm good, just dizzy."

"yea let's get you to the nurse, may have just given you a concussion.." she replied with concern.

Ever since then, y'all have been inseparable. Spending most weekends at each others houses or at her tournaments. She taught you the game of basketball. (Which you later came to love) And you rambled about the books you just finished. You were basically sisters.

When highschool started, Paige convinced you to join the Hopkins basketball team. At first you were adamant on just showing up for games, but blondie would not shut up about it till you tried out.

The next 4 years were the best of your life. Spending time with the team, especially paige. Going the state championships, and just being able to have fun.

Nothing changed when you both got into Uconn, She continued basketball while you studied literature and womens studies. You were always around the team, they loved you and you were practically part of the team.

Which leads us back to the bar. KK and Aaliyah dancing to the music blasting through the building while the whole team laughed and videoed them. Paiges hand still lingering around your leg as she drinks her Shirley Temple she swears has no alcohol. (Bull. Shit.)

"Paige you may want to slow down, you'll be miserable tomorrow." You say as she chugs her 3rd one down.

"nah baby I'll be fine."

"baby" that word. The word she uses when shes drunk and talks to you. The one that makes your heart stop, the one that makes your stomach fill with butterflies. The one that makes you wet asf. God you were so gay for this girl.

A few hours pass, and sleepy Paige is half awake on your shoulder while everyone starts to say their goodbyes.

"hey, p?" You say in a whisper

"hm?"

"Ready to go home?"

"mhm"

Now, just because you don't play basketball anymore, doesn't mean you don't go to the gym. Your pretty strong, strong enough to hold the 5'11 guard to the car. You pick her up bridal and haul her ass to the car near the entrance.

When you get home you wake Paige up again and walk her to your shared second story dorm, opening it up and locking the door behind you. Paige is a little more perky now, you made her eat crackers while she was still awake on the way home.

"Paige you wanna get a shower or just get comfy?"

"I'm tired" she clings onto you like she always does, always making you turn red.

"okay sweet girl, let's get you ready for bed." You help her to the bathroom and brush the gel out of her hair.

"you think you can get dressed on your own?" You ask

"Mhm"

"okay, get dressed and go to sleep okay?" You start to walk towards the door before she stops you.

"no, stay please"

"What?"

"stay here, please?" She begs

"Okay, let me change first."

"no, just wear one of my shirts, don't want you to go" she says as she stumbles to her drawer, grabbing a shirt with her name and number on the back.

You take the shirt and go into her connected bathroom to change before walking out. You see Paige staring you you.

"you look hot in my number"

"excuse me?"

You watch her look you up and down with a look of pure lust, making you wet by just standing there.

She gets up and walks towards you. "You look hot." "Extremely hot." You feel her hands on your waist, the sudden confidence she had, mixed with the tired rasp in her voice turned you on instantly.

"Paige, your drunk. Let's not do anything you'll regret." You say, your voice shaking slightly.

"mmm, I'm gonna regret not doing anything."

With that, your pinned against the wall, the taller blonds lips connected with yours. God she feels amazing. Her hands travel up and down your sides while yours find her hair.

"fuck, p. Please" your breathe between kisses.

"please what ma?" She replies.

"wanna feel good"

That's all you had to say before she whips you both around to her bed, laying you down gently without breaking the kiss. Her lips find their way to your neck just as her knee finds a way to your core. Causing you to moan from the sensation.

"paige please, fuck." You whine.

"shh, I'm gonna make you feel good baby, don't worry."

She lifts up your shirt, revealing the white sports bra underneath, which is also quick to come off.

"so pretty for me. So pretty." She praises as on of her hands travel to your tit, her mouth connecting to the other. You moan and arch your back, trying to get more friction to your clit.

her hand finds your heat, realizing you don't have shorts on, she starts rubbing your clothed bundle of nerves. The moans and whimpers coming from you surprise her. They sound almost pornographic.

"there you go ma, so wet for me." She whispers into your ear sending signals throughout your body.

"Paige please, please, fuck. Please fuck me"

She groans hearing your pleas for her. "Lift your hips up, princess." She guides your underwear down your legs and throws them on the ground before slowly pushing a finger into you. Earning a moan from you and a groan from her.

"good girl. so tight for me. Taking me so well." She praises.

"Paige more please. Please, need more"

She adds another finger, immediately curling them into your g-spot.

"Fuck baby please" the bubble in your stomach getting tighter and tighter as she moves her fingers.

"taking me so well pretty girl, so so good."

Paige feels you coming closer to the edge, so she dips her tongue into you, moving it with her fingers. A pornographic moan comes from your mouth as you tense up and shudder, cuming all over her fingers. She wastes no time cleaning up and helping you ride out your high.

"taste so good my gorgeous girl, so good."

After catching your breath with sweet kisses from Paige you lift yourself up on your elbows.

"wanna make you feel good paigey" you breathe out. "Please"

You sit up and kiss her, tasting yourself mixed with the alcohol on her lips.

"okay my love" she says, taking her shirt and bra off as well as her boxers.

You watch in awe, she beautiful. Her hair, her arms, her toned abs, god she's so pretty. You keep looking down until you see her soaking cunt.

"your beautiful" your say, still amazed.

You make your way to her clit. Floating your fingers and touching on the sensitive area lightly, making Paige squirm and whimper.

"please" she says, watching your every move.

You come up from her heat and kiss her lips, then her jaw, her neck, leaving a few hickeys and down her chest. Sucking slightly on her nipple and swiping over the other, hear her low moans.

"baby please please." She begs.

Hearing her become so vulnerable under your touch after giving you the best orgasm of your life gives you a confidence boost as you start bringing your hand down to her heat, sweeping your finger up and down her fold.

"doing good paige. So good." You whisper, finally dipping your finger into her, earning a gasp and moan from her mouth.

Realizing one finger would never get her to the edge, you add another, going faster and curling into the spot that makes her moan loudest.

"Fuck ma, please." She breathes

"I got you Paige, taking it so well."

You replace your fingers with your tongue. Dipping it into her heat as you suck at it, your nose hitting the bundle of nerves above her entrance.

She grips the shears, wrapping her legs around your head as you go deeper into her. Feeling her start to shake, you keep your pace, adding more pressure. You hear her get louder and finally scream from pleasure as she reaches her high.

You lick her clean before making contact with her lips again.

"so good baby, you did so well."

As both of you catch your breath, she wraps up into your arms and you fall asleep stroking her hair.

"god I fucked up."

~-TIME SKIP-~

In the morning, you wake up and realize what happened. Fuck. You end up carefully pulling yourself from the blondes tight embrace and start to gather and put on your clothes, but not before she wakes up.

"hey, what are you doing?" She asks groggly

"Paige I'm so sorry." You reply with watery eyes. Your scared for your friendship. You let your feelings take over. She was drunk and probably didn't feel the same.

"hey hey, ma come here" she says in a comforting tone.

You walk over to the bed with the naked guard wrapped up in blankets. She watches you sit down and look at her.

"I know I was drunk. But I wanted that. Don't feel like it was just a drunk hookup, at least for me? I feel like there's more to it." She explains, wiping a tear that fell to your cheekbone.

"really?"

"Definitely" she pulls you into her lap. Hugging you for a while before speaking again. "I want you to be my girlfriend"

"Paige what?" You pull away surprised

"be my girlfriend. I can't just live with you as my friend. I want you."

You think, not for long that is.

"why not" you peck her lips.

"fucking finally" she sighs, burying her face into your neck, leaving a small kiss there.

like I said, this was my first fic. I'm hoping y'all like it and thank you for reading till the end. I tried not using y/n because I thought it would be challenging so that happened.

[lvis44]

Cabin Fever - Pt. 1 // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol Consumption, Angst, Lewis being an ass, allusions to mental health struggles, 18+ MINORS DNI, not edited

Word Count: 5.6k+

Summary: He's your Sister in Laws best friend, you shouldn't even have to deal with him. Always seeming like a cocky arrogant prick, and now here he is crashing your family Christmas. Can you handle a full week of Lewis Hamilton? Or might he not actually be as bad as he seems?

Notes: Here is the beginning of my mini holiday series. A little bit of cheesy hallmark style enemies to lovers for your winter season! It will pickup quickly and I don't expect it to be too long but I'm excited to write some over dramatic cheesy angsty fluffiness! Best believe we will have it all lol

As always, I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy!

“Hey Y/N, everything is all set for when you land tomorrow! Dylan got you a rental car so you can go out whenever you want, it’s a bit of a drive from the airport but it’ll be so cozy once you get here! Oh my god I can’t wait, this whole thing is a dream come true.” Vanessa's voice cut through your voicemail loudspeaker as you applied your makeup. You were getting ready for a night out with your friends when you saw your sister in law's voicemail, you knew you couldn't ignore it, you knew she was in the middle of planning the family Christmas vacation, the one you were immensely dreading.  You decided on sending her a voice note back, not wanting to deal with the full three hour phone call that would ensue, making you late to your friends party.

“Hey V, thank you so much, and tell Dyl thank you too, I appreciate you guys figuring out the flights, let me know what I owe you guys later, I can’t wait to see you guys.” You say into your phone with forced enthusiasm, not wanting to go to the gathering in the first place. 

You grew up in New England, the winter season always took a toll on you. You didn’t like to ski or snowboard so once you were no longer a small child, the only thing that winter brought was shoveling and grey skies, both of which you hated. Once you were old enough and had enough money, you decided to move to the golden state, LA specifically, somewhere you would never see snow in your driveway again. Unfortunately your brother had remained glued to the winter life, settling down in snowy Colorado where he decided that his first family home needed to be celebrated by all. You couldn’t blame him really, it was bigger and nicer than anywhere you had ever lived. He and Vanessa were desperate for their first guests, eager to show off their beautiful new house and host both of your families at once. It seemed like a brag for Vanessa while your brother seemed to be in awe by the size of house they had moved into.

When you arrived at the club your friends were already deep, a few drinks ahead of you and in a much more playful mood than you were feeling. You were doing your best to let loose and have a good time but the nagging knowledge of your flight the next day was sitting heavy in the back of your brain. You were only half listening to one of your friends gush about some attractive man she was eyeing when you felt your phone buzz, a text from your brother Dylan to remind you of your flight as if it wasn’t the only thing you were thinking about already. You excused yourself as you headed to the bar in search of a new drink. While you were waiting a man appeared beside you, closer than you would have liked. You could smell the liquor on his breath before he even started speaking to you.

“Pretty girl having to buy her own drinks? Now this is just ridiculous.” He tried to flirt with you, his words slurring as they came out.

You forced out a polite laugh, before turning back to the bar, hoping the bartender would come soon.

“Oooh I see, she’s playing hard to get.” He said as if to someone else before he leaned closer to you. “C’mon lemme buy you a drink.”

“Doesn’t need you to, she’s got me, fuck off dude.” The voice came from behind you, immediately recognizable, Lewis. You wanted to roll your eyes, not particularly wanting to deal with him tonight but deciding he was better than the man that was currently ogling you.

“Shit, fine alright man, my bad.” The drunk man fumbled his words, seeming slightly startled and rather intimidated by Lewis. He started to stumble away, impressing you by how quickly he gave up but you couldn’t really blame him, Lewis had a certain aura about him that really told you not to mess with him.

As the drunk man left you felt Lewis take his spot next to you at the bar, not bothering to look at him, not really wanting to interact with him at all. You only knew Lewis through your sister in law Vanessa, they were family friends so he was around for important moments, holidays, birthdays, weddings etc. Those were the only times you ever interacted with him and every time you had left with a bad taste in your mouth. He seemed aloof, cocky, like he thought he was too good for the rest of humanity. He was annoyingly attractive and he knew it, you’d overheard him spitting game at more than a few women at your brother's wedding, and almost every single one of the women was falling for it. He had a way of carrying himself that just oozed arrogance, like everything about him was a level above everything and everyone else. You also had a certain distaste for the fact that every time you spoke to him he seemed to find a way to belittle you, talk down to you in a way that made you feel like a child despite being a fully grown woman. You had figured that you would be seeing him at some point this upcoming week, knowing Vanessa would have invited him for some part, but you didn’t think it would be at home in a club in LA that you first bumped into each other, never having done so before.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Colorado?” He asks, his voice already holding that familiar layer of judgement that you’ve grown to despise.

“Flights tomorrow morning.” You tell him, keeping it short, hoping the conversation doesn’t need to be much longer than necessary.

“Flight in the morning and you’re out at a club?” He quizzes you and you can hear in his voice that he’s getting ready to offer you advice you really don’t want or need.

“Just wanted to blow off a little steam before a week in paradise.” You huff, waving to the bar tender yet again, not meaning to let the last part slip so sarcastically.

“You act like we’re locking you in a dungeon and throwing away the key.” He almost chuckles before downing the rest of whatever had been in his cup.

“We?” You ask abruptly, finally turning to look at him. You had been anticipating seeing him but the way he said that made it sound like he was going to be around quite a bit more than expected. It truly pissed you off that the second you finally faced him, you were checking him out, such a pretty face with such an annoying attitude.

“I’ll be in Colorado for the week.” He said plainly with a shrug.

“At Dylan and Vanessas?” You asked in an almost panicked tone that he immediately noticed.

“Jeez, chill out, I’ve got my own place out there. Little miss perfect won’t have to worry about mean ol’ Lewis all week, I’ll just be around here and there.” His tone was teasing as he said it, making you roll your eyes, unsure of how else to respond. Before you could think of anything to say the bartender finally arrived in front of you, Lewis was ordering something before elbowing you, prompting you to tell the man what you wanted.

“You’re welcome by the way.” Lewis said, his voice smug as the bartender walked away.

Once again you found yourself rolling your eyes before forcing yourself to thank him for the drink, “Thank you, but you didn’t actually have to buy me a drink.”

“Your eyes are gonna get stuck like that if you keep rolling them that hard.” He told you, an unamused look on his face.

“You sound like my father.” You grumbled.

“Well maybe he has a point,” He shrugged, “but I wasn’t talking about the drink, was talking about your stupid drunk man. Gotta find better company.”

“I didn’t exactly invite him over here, Lewis. And I didn’t ask for you to come rescue me.” You snapped.

“Well you're V’s sister in law now and she's my little sis so I kinda had to.” He stated plainly as the bartender finally returned.

You watched as Lewis turned on his charm for the man, thanking him and giving him a generous tip, showing the side of the man that everyone else seemed to see all the time, one that he never reserved for you.

“Enjoy your drink and then go home, don’t miss your flight because you were out partying or show up hungover. Just get yourself there in one piece, that’s literally all they ask of you.” His words are directed at you again, coming out with an assumed authority that baffles you.

“I’m a grown woman Lewis, I’ll be just fine.” You bite at him, annoyed that he thinks he has the right to tell you what to do.

“I know Y/N, I know.” He says with a sigh as he grabs his drink. You watch as he steps around you, leaving back into the crowd without even a proper parting word. It once again causes you to roll your eyes before making your way back to your own friends.

“Okay, hot man at the bar, do you know him?” Your friend Lillian was leaning on you almost immediately, digging for info on Lewis that second you were within earshot.

“Uh, kinda, not really, he’s kind of an ass.” You tell her, hoping to dissuade her.

“Well with a face like that he can be an ass to me anytime he wants.” She says enthusiastically.

You just humm in response, returning your attention to your drink, not really wanting to further discuss Lewis and his annoying ways or aggravating beauty. His words about not missing your flight bounce around in the back of your head, of course you had already been aware of not being late but now it was all that was on your mind. Between his words and Dylans reminder you suddenly felt as if everyone was expecting you to flake, not actually convinced you were going to show up at all. Before you could even finish your drink you were deciding to leave, truly not in the party mood any longer. As you made your way to the door you just knew he was watching you, you could feel it and you hated that he was getting the confidence of seeing you do exactly what he told you to.

. . . 

Your morning had been hell, your flight having been delayed three times due to incoming weather. When you finally landed in Colorado you were well and truly in a cranky mood, one that only turned even further sour when the woman at the rental agency got snappy with you for being late for your pickup. You had tried to explain to her that your brother had made the reservation and that your flight was delayed but her attitude did not budge. She remained snippy with you as she grumbled about ‘finding you something to take’ before handing you the keys to a tiny sedan. When you approached it in the lot you were at your wits end, it's not that you needed something fancy or luxurious, it was the fact that the car you were looking at seemed as light as could be and evidently still had summer tires on it. There was a big winter storm brewing and you knew you still had at least a 45 minute drive to your brother's house, one that you hadn’t been looking forward to anyway. The snow was already coming down as you sat in the parking lot waiting for the car to warm up at least enough to defrost the windshield, you listened to the man on the radio talk about the incoming storm, saying it was set to be the biggest snowfall the area had seen in years and it was going to come down quick. You couldn’t help but grumble to yourself about your displeasure for the snow  as you texted your brother to let him know that you were getting on the road.

The storm thankfully decided to be merciful, only really beginning to pick up in the very last stretch of your journey, barely even causing any delay for you. When you got to your brother's house you could feel yourself letting out a sigh of relief, knowing that soon enough you would be inside a warm and cozy house with the people that you love, hopefully eating good food and having a cocktail. The moment your brother opened the front door you were met with the smell of a fireplace and something cooking for dinner, your tension slipping away just a bit more.

“Y/N! Thank god, I was getting worried when I saw the snow picking up.” Dylan said cheerfully, pulling you into the house to give you a tight hug.

“Hi Dyl, it’s definitely getting heavy out there but I think I missed the worst of it.” You can’t help but laugh slightly at how tightly your brother has embraced you.

“Come in, V’s got dinner going, Dad was just getting ready to make a round of drinks.” He rambles to you as he pulls you further in the house, reaching around to grab your suitcase off the porch.

“The Holidays can now begin, my other baby has arrived!”  Your moms voice carries loudly from the kitchen before you see her almost jogging in your direction, her arms wide ready for an embrace.

“Mom,” you laugh as she squeezes you even tighter than Dylan had, “you knew I was coming. Sorry I’m late guys, the airport was insane.”

“Sounds like you could use a drink Kiddo.” Your dad is next to pull you into a hug, not even having made it out of the foyer yet.

“I will take you up on that, I also need to change into something a little warmer, I dressed for cold LA not Colorado.” You admit as he presses a kiss to the top of your head, making you feel like a child.

“Yeah for sure, let me show you your room and then you can come say hello to everyone in the kitchen once you've changed.” Dylan says, grabbing your bag and already making his way up the stairs.

“This place is beautiful, Dylan.” You tell him earnestly as you follow him down the long hallway. It’s everything that you would imagine if someone told you they had purchased a Chateau in Colorado, deep exposed wood, high ceilings, massive windows. You were excited to see the rest of it, knowing Vanessa would be adamant about giving you a full tour. It was much too big for what they needed but you figured that didn’t matter as long as they were happy.

“Thank you, it’s really a dream come true. Never thought I would live in a place like this, much less own it.” He confesses as he swings open the door to a room at the end of the hall.

You offer your brother a warm smile before you turn to take in the room, suddenly stunned when you see the size and luxury of it. The room is expansive, massive windows on two walls and what appears to be a large balcony off the back. There is a sitting area in front of a fireplace and what appears to be a king size bed in the middle of the room. You can see another door off to the side and you can only assume it is a private bathroom.

“Dylan what the fuck? Why does it look like the master suite?” You ask him, overwhelmed, not having expected anything so grand.

He just shrugs with a smile as he steps further into the room, placing your luggage down next to the bed. “We just wanted you to be comfortable, we know this year has been hard for you and winter isn’t something you get along with, we’re just grateful you decided to come.”

“Dylan, I am not kicking you guys out of your room, oh my god.” You start to panic, immediately feeling guilty.

“No, you’re not,” He laughs at you, placing a hand on your shoulder, “this is a guest suite, it's just the nicest of them.”

You let out a breath before feeling guilty again, “No what about mom and dad, or Beatrice and Tom, they should be in here, I just need a bedroom, this is too much.”

“Stop, everyones already settled, and we all agreed that you should have your own space, away from the rest of us. It only seemed fair.” His voice is sincere, not giving you any time to rebuttal before he is leaving the room and telling you to get changed.

By the time you make your way back downstairs everyone has settled in the den with drinks in their hand. You had to wander a bit at first, following the sounds of voices and laughter. The room was cozy, still sprawling but the lights were dim and the furniture was plush. You could hear the storm truly picking up outside, the trees snapping back and forth in the wind outside the window making you grateful for the fire crackling in the corner.

“Perfect, Y/N, I have a drink ready for you right here!” Vanessa called to you as you walked into the room.

“Thank you so much, this place is beautiful.” You tell her as you settle into the seat beside her, taking the drink and giving her a small hug.

“Ugh, thank you, this place is just such a dream come true, straight out of a fantasy.” She gushes immediately, promising to give you a tour once you've had some time to relax.

“Y/N, good to see you, feels like it's been a while.” Tom, Vanessa’s father, speaks up from across the room, raising his glass of whiskey in your direction. You offer him a smile, feeling a moment of guilt wash over you, knowing you had been invited to a few celebrations where your paths would have crossed but had decided against attending.

“She’s a busy woman, always nice to have her around when we get the chance.” Dylan pipes up, offering you a subtle save, knowing you probably don’t want to get too much into your personal life at the moment.

The conversation thankfully moves on, Tom choosing to change direction and grill Dylan on everything that is going on for him with his company, ever protective of Vanessa even now that they're married and in this beautiful home. Your mother on the other hand chooses to come sit next to you and Vanessa, Beatrice following her shortly thereafter. They do ask about your life in LA but Vanessa's mother is more interested in hearing if you’ve had any celebrity sightings than she is about your woes in life. Your mother wants to show off photos of art projects she’s been doing to keep herself busy. You can’t help but laugh at the two older women as you settle into the evening, nursing your drink as you share amused glances with Vanessa every once in a while. Every so often you hear the wind outside pick up, the storm casting a white haze over the large window at the end of the room. When you hear the doorbell you glance around the room, unsure of who would still be yet to arrive, especially so late and in the storm. Vanessa looks confused as well, Dylan getting up to go check the door.

“Hey man, didn’t expect to see you for another day or two.” You hear Dylan greet someone enthusiastically.

“Yeah, I caught an earlier flight out trying to avoid the storm and ended up landing smack in the middle of it. Wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it back this way in the next few days so I figured I’d stop on my way out to my house.” The familiar British accent carries through the house, Vanessa's face lighting up as she darts up from her seat, ready to go greet her friend.

You feel yourself deflate slightly, having been enjoying the casual and kind air of the evening, knowing his presence would definitely cause a difference. You hear their voices approach from down the hall, Tom and Beatrice standing up, excited to see the man they have long adopted as a son. You always wondered if part of Tom was disappointed that Lewis and Vanessa hadn't ended up together, merely from the way that Tom's attention would end up solely on Lewis when he was around, almost entirely ignoring your brother. 

“Son, always a pleasure. How was your flight?” Tom asks the moment Lewis appears in the room, pulling him into a fatherly hug.

“Good to see you, sorry to pop in unannounced.” Lewis starts politely, turning on the charm toward Beatrice.

“Never worry, you’re always welcome.” She gushes, so happy to see him. It does make you laugh to yourself, it’s not her house to extend the invitation to but you’re not surprised.

He gives her a warm smile before continuing, “Yeah, flight was alright, a little choppy but nothing too bad. The airport here was a disaster though, glad I’d left my car there, the rental lot was picked through and cabs aren’t taking anyone past town.”

“Yeah, Y/N was saying the airport was crazy, I think she got the last rental car on the lot.” Dylan says, suddenly making Lewis aware of your presence, his eyes snapping to you.

“You remember Dylan's little sister,” Beatrice begins before Lewis is politely cutting her off.

“Y/N, of course,” He nods at you in what seems a kind way before the jab lands, “good job making it here.”

To everyone else it sounds like a comment about the storm but you know, you can see in his eye that he's referencing your conversation the prior night. His comment about everyone wanting you to just show up, it makes you think about Tom's comment when you first sat down, everyone knows you are the weak link. Before you can even respond, Vanessa is ushering him further into the room, annoyingly placing him where she had been sitting, directly next to you. She wanders away, headed to make Lewis a drink, completely unaware of the tension she sat next to you.

“You just get here?” Lewis asks, surprising you that he’s bothering with conversation at all.

“Few hours ago.” You say simply, turning your attention to watch the snow swirl in a mesmerizing dance.

He just nods, following your gaze to the window. 

Before anyone has a chance to say anything else, Vanessa is returning with Lewis’ drink and announcing to everyone that dinner is ready. Lewis begins to protest, not wanting to intrude on a family dinner but everyone else is quick to shush him, telling him they would love for him to stay. Shortly thereafter you are all seated around a beautiful table, Lewis sitting directly across from you, a delicious looking meal placed in the center. Tom takes a moment to thank Vanessa for inviting everyone and being such a wonderful host, gushing about his daughter as he forgets to mention Dylan for even a moment. As the bowls get passed around the table you can’t help but notice that Lewis is ignoring almost everything that is placed in front of him, passing it along without a moments thought. By the time everyone is served you notice that his plate is only a salad, it makes you want to scoff, not even during his off season will he let himself indulge in something, too focused on his physique. You stay relatively quiet throughout dinner, just listening to everyone else chatter, it’s not until your mom asks Lewis what he has been up to since the season ended that you are caught off guard.

“I spent the last week in LA, needed some sun before winter.” He tells her, causing wires to connect in her brain.

“Oh! Y/N lives in LA, what a coincidence, I’m surprised you two don’t see each other more often.” The excitement in her voice makes you laugh as you quickly go to shut her down, not even registering that you had in fact seen him just the night before.

“Mom, it's a massive city-” You laugh.

“Well we actually saw each other last night.” Lewis says at the same time as you, stopping you in your tracks. He’s staring right at you as he takes a casual sip of his water before he glances around the table.

“Really?” Tom asks, leaning in like this is the news of the year.

“Oh come on, you didn’t tell them?” Lewis laughs, it’s hollow, not like the warm laugh you’ve heard directed towards other people. He knew you wouldn’t have mentioned it, he’s enjoying being the one to let everyone know you were out partying the night before family holiday.

“I mean, no I didn’t, but it’s not like it’s common.” You stutter out, weirdly flustered all the sudden.

“Yeah, ran into her out with some of her friends at a club last night, had to save her from a creepy drunk guy who didn’t want to leave her alone.” He tells the table casually, settling back into his seat.

“Well I’m glad you were there Lewis, I worry about her when I hear about her going out like that. This world is just getting too dangerous to be out flaunting yourself like that.” Your dad pipes up, making you whip your head in his direction.

“Dad, I wasn’t-” You begin to argue before getting cut off by Lewis.

“It wasn’t her fault. She was just there, shouldn’t have to hide away just because she’s a woman.” Lewis says firmly, looking at you again as if to seal his words, catching you off guard by defending you.

“Thanks.” You silently mouth in his direction. He doesn’t acknowledge it, carrying on with his story instead.

“But yeah, the guy left pretty quickly, he was harmless. I was surprised to see her though, figured she would already be here. I was glad to see you left when you did, with your flight this morning and all.” He continues.

“You were out too.” You quickly fire back at him, not enjoying the embarrassment in front of your family.

“Had a later flight than you,” He simply shrugs, a smirk forming on his face, “How was this morning, rough one?”

“My only issue this morning was the weather, thanks.” You say, a snip in your tone.

“Glad to hear it.” He says, getting comfortable in his seat as he thankfully changes topics. 

Thankfully the awkward air that had settled over dinner dissipated quickly and before you knew it Lewis was saying that he needed to get going, still needing to drive another hour to his own house. There was no hesitation before Vanessa and Beatrice were telling him to spend the night, not enjoying the idea of him travelling in the weather at night. You noticed his eyes flicker to you as he started to turn them down, part of you wondered if he was doing it because he told you he wasn’t staying with them but you doubted he was being that thoughtful. He stayed strong, adamant that he would be fine and that he really wanted to settle into his own place but that he would be back later in the week.You feel a certain relief as you see him finally manage to say his goodbyes, bundling up in his long woolen coat as he makes his way out the door. You can hear the wind when he stepped out the door and you did worry that his drive would be far from enjoyable but you didn’t feel like hanging out with him much longer. 

As you helped clear the table you noticed something on the ground, right below where Lewis had been sitting. You put down the plates in your hands with a huff, reaching down to grab what turned out to be a wallet. You internally groaned, of course he dropped his wallet, of course you found it, it would be wrong to send him on his way without it, especially in this weather. You let out a sigh, jogging to the front door, hoping he hadn’t left yet. When you pulled the front door open you were shocked, you almost couldn’t see the front steps mere feet from you.

“Holy shit.” You muttered to yourself, grabbing the nearest pair of boots by the door, haphazardly throwing them on in hopes of catching Lewis.

When you cautiously made your way down off the porch, wading through the rather deep snow that now covered the path to the driveway, you saw him clearing the snow off his car. His jacket was blowing in the wind and he had an arm up to shield his face from the blowing snow, much like you yourself did. You let out a sigh of resignation, there’s no way you could let him drive an hour in this, no matter how badly he got on your nerves. You continue to make your way toward him, snow falling into the borrowed boots making you wince.

“Lewis,” You call out to him, “what the hell are you doing?”

He turns toward you, a confused look across his features, “Cleaning off my car, what do you need?”

“I can see that,” You say as you get closer to him, rolling your eyes at his answer, “I mean why the heck are you trying to drive home in this? Just come back inside.”

“Came all the way out here to save me? I’ll be fine, you seemed pretty worried that I was staying here the other night.” He says, turning back to his car.

“Actually I came out here because you dropped your wallet.” You say plainly, not enjoying his attitude but catching his attention again.

“Shit, thanks.” He extends his hand, waiting for you to hand it over.

“No, you’re insane, just grab your bag and come back inside. You annoy the shit out of me but I don’t particularly want you dead on the side of the road.” You shake your head, stepping back from him to prove that you’re not handing his wallet over until he turns his car off and comes inside.

“Well that's nice to hear.” He says sarcastically.

“You dying right before Christmas would kind of ruin holidays for me forever, V would be distraught.” You throw at him, it being partially true.

“Fine.” He concedes through a huff, his shoulders slumping as he trudges to his car door to kill the engine.

You watch as he grabs his bag from the backseat before making his way toward you, gesturing impatiently for you to go so he can follow you back to the house.

“Besides, now I’m the hero that convinced Mr. Perfect to stay, I basically just saved your life.” You say teasingly over your shoulder as you start your way up the steps. You’re too focused on your own dig and not enough on the slippery stairs, your feet almost coming out from under you. Much to your embarrassment, Lewis is there with a steadying grip on your arm.

“Just saved my life and then tried to break my neck by falling on me.” He mutters, letting go of you once you're stable.

“Give me a break, I’m pretty sure I’m wearing Dylan's boots.” You argue, pulling away from him harshly.

The moment you are inside he is being swarmed by your family again, all so happy he has decided to stay the night, no one even paying attention to the fact that you’ve come inside with him. Dylan is quickly showing him to his room for the night, apologizing that it’s not very fancy. You decide to slip away up to your room, having gotten rather cold and wet in your time outside. The whole time you’re getting ready for bed you’re telling yourself that it’s only for the night. You won’t even notice that he’s here and he will be gone tomorrow when the storm has passed. That hope lasts very briefly until you hear a knock on your door. You naively swing the door open, assuming it's someone to come say goodnight, and there he is.

“What the hell do you want?” You groan.

He doesn’t respond, he just pushes off the doorframe pushing past you into your room as he lets out a long whistle.

“This might actually be nicer than my bedroom at home.” He says, still ignoring your question as he looks around the room.

“Yeah it’s beautiful. What do you want?” You ask again, eager for him to leave so you can climb under the blankets.

“So pushy,” He chuckles, turning back to you, “I believe you have something of mine?”

“Right.” You say flatly, moving past him to the dresser where you had thrown his wallet that had still been in your pocket.

“How much did ya take?” He asks after you hand it to him, flicking it open as if to inspect that all his cards are still there.

“Not nearly enough.” You grumble, sitting down on the end of the bed.

He just chuckles, taking another glance around your room before walking out of your room without a word, something he seems to be making a habit of. You groan when you see that he’s left your door wide open, reluctantly making your way off your bed.

“He’ll be gone tomorrow.” You mutter to yourself as you lean against the now closed door, and you can only pray it's true.

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

DIHWYF Incorrect Quotes but it's mild Carmine sisters chaos

Because ✨sisters ✨

Clara, staring at newly adopted Vaggie: Um...want a beer?

Odette: She's like...five!

Clara: I DUNNO, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER?!

Clara: I'M BREAKING THE WINDOW!

Odette, whispering into her phone: Uh, hi- we locked our baby sister in the car and people are judging us.

Clara, now running around looking for a rock: I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA BREAK IT!

Odette, whirling around: DO NOT BREAK THE WINDOW, YOU'LL GET GLASS ON HER!

Odette: But if you keep making up words, no one will understand you.

Young Vaggie: Clara will. Watch. *tugs on Clara's arm*

Clara: Yeah, squirt?

Vaggie: *complete gibberish*

Clara, immediately playing along: Whoa, are you serious?

Vaggie: *more gibberish*

Clara: I'd never considered that before!

Vaggie: *very serious gibberish*

Clara, patting her head: This changes everything.

Odette, facepalming: You're both crazy.

*Odette, spotting Vaggie trying to sneak out of her bedroom: Oh, not again. Come on, go back to bed before Mamá sees you.

Vaggie: But I don't want to go to bed!

Odette: Too bad, manita.

Vaggie, pouting: Why do I have to go to sleep? Why can't I just stay awake all night?

Odette, sighing and getting up to walk her back bed: Because that's the way the world is.

Vaggie: Well I'm going to make it so that's not how the world is!

Odette, tucking her in: That sounds like a big job. You're gonna need a full night's sleep for that.

Vaggie: Yeah, I will! *triumphantly snuggles in*

Vaggie, ten minutes later: Hey, wait a second-

Vaggie, curled up in front of the fridge: :(

Clara, spotting her: You alright, hermana?

Vaggie, sadly: I just miss Odette**.

Clara, sitting down next to her: Aw, I know.

Vaggie: And the fridge doesn't like me :(

Clara: I...know?

*Odette: Bed. Sleep. Now.

Vaggie, trying to hide behind Clara: But I'm not tired!

Clara: Yeah, 'Dette, she's not tired!

*they're both asleep in Clara's bed in ten minutes later*

Clara, snuggling lil' Vaggie: Big sister's going to drop-kick anyone that touches you 🥰

Odette, without missing a beat: And bigger sister's going to bail big sister out of jail.

Carmilla, cuddling Vaggie after she tripped and fell: I know it's tough, mija. But hey, how many times have you bumped your head or gotten a bruise while you're playing with your sisters?

Vaggie, holding an ice pack on her knee: Um...lots.

Carmilla: Right. And what do they always tell you?

Vaggie: ...don't tell Mamá?

Carmilla, who was fully expecting a different answer: What?!

Clara, who'd walked into the room to check on her little sister: Uh...I'll maybe come back later?

Clara, holding an ice pack to her sister's head: How much do you remember?

Teenage Vaggie, who'd just gotten into her first fight: Just the ambulance ride to the hospital, I think.

Odette: That wasn't an ambulance ride, I drove you.

Vaggie: But I heard sirens?

Clara: That was your girlfriend.

Charlie, clutching the largest teddy bear the hospital sold***: I got nervous!

Charlie, fresh into their relationship: If something happened to Vaggie, I...I couldn't live with myself.

Odette, completely straight faced: You wouldn't have to. Clara and I would kill you.

Vaggie, trying to sneak off with Charlie at a party: Guys, I need your help.

Clara: Oooh, ok. I have an idea.

Odette: Is it a bad idea?

Clara: *darts off in Velvette's direction*

Odette, jumping up to chase after her: CLARA, IS IT A BAD IDEA-****

Vaggie, walking by with a teapot:

Clara: Whatcha doing?

Vaggie: It's for Zestial. I'm planning on making some bad choices tonight and I want him on my side when Mom finds out.

Clara: Oooh, smart. I'll have to remember that.

Odette, not looking up from her laptop: I never realized the forethought that went into raising our mother's blood pressure.

BONUS:

Carmilla, trying to calm Lucifer down after he came to her for advice about Charlie: Look, I've raised three fully functional, well adjusted children and-

Luci, sniffling: You have three kids I don't know about?

Carmilla: ...

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM ALL

Here's a link to the AU!

*these exchanges definitely took place less than an hour apart.

**Odette is fine, she's just on a business trip and her sisters are sad.

***That bear is not for Vaggie. She has a different one for Vaggie. The older Carmines got her that so she would calm the fuck down

****is this a hint as to how Charlie and Vaggie meet? 🤫

[lostbookmark]

WHISPERED SECRETS MASTERLIST here

MAIN MASTERLIST here

MDNI 🔞

Summary: After four years your sister's ex-boyfriend comes back into your life. Can you keep your entanglement a secret? Will the guilt eat you alive? 

Pairing:  Sisters ex Yoongi x Insecure F. Reader. 

Genre: SMUT, angst, hurt - comfort, romance. 

Warning: Explicit sex, fingering, Possessive Yoongi, swearing, reader is insecure, jealousy, punishment, unprotected sex, drinking, dirty talk, praising, very light degradation, spanking, spanking as punishment, teasing, hair pulling, arguments. Overuse of the name, baby.

A/N Edited by me aka I just throw commas in and see if my document corrects it. 

Yoongi is a bit…mean(ish) in this one. 

Yay!! I have the next 2 chapters written. Posting will be every Sunday US time. 

A little SMUT under the cut. 

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Kevin….Kris….Kihyun. No, none of those names sound right. He's good-looking and easy on the eyes, pretty smile but boring as hell. It's been a week since Yoongi took you home after the intense night you shared. You had stayed the night, and the next morning, you made up an excuse for needing to get home. You were scared to stay longer, afraid he would kick you out. He never questioned you or begged you to stay.  You exchanged numbers, but he never contacted you. You felt defeated.  You didn't tell anyone. Not Lisa or Jisoo. They would never let you live it down. Maybe this is why you let Lisa talk you into showing up at the “hot guy she ditched you for” house party. His name is Jimin. He seemed okay, you guess, but you haven't really gotten to know him. Her love interests never last long. Key…Kang…Kyle. That's it! You think his name is Kyle. 

“I just got back from Milan,” Kyle boasts. He is giving you what you think is probably his most charming smile. “I'll be heading to London again soon. Got quite a few photoshoots lined up. Mostly magazines, but I got a commercial too. I even have some contacts for Paris fashion week. I'm going to be a big deal.”

You really don't care, and you know that sounds mean. Why did Lisa introduce you to him? Did she really think you would hit it off with him?  Damn Lisa for making you come here. Damn Yoongi for not calling or texting you. Damn him for making the feel of his touch still linger on your skin.  Did you do something wrong? Were you just bad at sex. You know that you are pretty inexperienced, but it seemed like he enjoyed himself. He even cuddled you after he cleaned up with a warm washcloth. He was a pure gentleman. He even ran a hot shower for you as he made a quick snack afterward. You may or may not have tried to remember the brand of his shampoo. After some light bickering, he let you sleep on his side of the bed.  So, why didn't he call? Was there someone else? Oh my god! Were you the side piece? Of course, someone like Yoongi would have someone waiting for him.   

“Lisa said that you two have been friends since you were young. You work together too, right? ” Key…no Kyle said and you nod your head.

“Yeah, umm..” You started but were interrupted.  

“Baby,” you turn to see Yoongi staring daggers at you. How the hell did he know you were here? You're pretty sure that your jaw is on the floor right now. Yoongi places himself right behind you. He rests his chin against your shoulder and hands coming together around your stomach. “Who's your friend?” Why does he say it so calmly despite his glaring eyes? 

You freeze, your body rigid, and can't say anything.  One week, it's been one week, and now he's right here. You don't know what to say. Are you supposed to throw yourself at him after he ignores you? You wish you could throw a shitty comment his way, but you don't. It's not who you are. You wish you could tell him that since he isn't interested, maybe you will go home with Kyle. He looks at you and Kevin…no Kyle impatiently. His glare, thankfully, is fully on Kyle now, and you don't want it back on you. Nope, you are definitely not going to say that, even if it’s a lie. 

“Hey man, I'm Kai,” Kai that's his name! You knew it started with a k. “Didn't know she had a boyfriend. Lisa lied to me. Sorry about that.” Kai apologized and rushed out of there. Literally, he walked away as fast as his legs could carry him. You wish he would take you with him. Technically, you guess Lisa didn't lie. 

You turn in his arms to look at Yoongi fully. He looks pissed. You don't know if you should be scared, angry, or turned on. Is it possible to be all three? His eyes looked hard, unlike a week ago. It seems like such a long time ago. Maybe it was just a fever dream, and you made it all up. This Yoongi is different, and it is making you anxious. 

“We're leaving,” he breathes heavily in your ear. 

He takes your hand and threads your fingers through each other. He starts heading for the door, and you have no option but to follow him. You don't want to fight him and cause a scene. You try looking around for Lisa, hoping you spot her. You don't see her, but you do catch a glimpse of Kyle…Kai chatting up another girl. She seems thoroughly excited about it. Good for her. Looks like you probably dodged a bullet there. When you get through the door, you notice his car just down the street a little ways. Lisa picked you up earlier, and now you're kicking yourself for it. Yoogi practically rips the car door open and looks at you expectantly.  He holds the door with one hand while his other is on his hip. 

“What are you waiting for?” He asked. His stare is still cold. “Do you want me to go get Kai for you? Do you need him to help you?” 

“Wh…what? No, why would I…” you were cut off.  

“Get in, baby. I'm already mad, don't make me tell you again,” he told you.

With one last look back at the house, you get in the car. The same car and spot you sat in a week ago. God, a week ago, you were shivering with anticipation. Now, you were confused and honestly a little scared. Where was he, and why was he acting like you had done something wrong? You knew deep down that Yoongi would never do anything to hurt you. However, this is a side of him you have never seen. You didn’t see it years ago either when he was still with your sister. Even during their fights at the end of their relationship.  You even spent a lot of alone time with him back then, annoying him. He never snapped at you. When you couldn't figure out how to parallel park, he never snapped at you. When Lisa got you drunk at homecoming and he had to pick the two of you up, he never snapped at you. He never did anything like this. 

“Cold?” He asks you. You're rubbing your hands together. 

“A little,” you answer softly. You want him to grab your hands and warm them with his own. Instead he cranks the heat. 

The only sound in the car was from the radio and the heat blowing on your cold fingers. You don't know what the song playing is, but the deep bass is slow. It's almost comforting. You want to close your eyes and drift to sleep. Maybe if you go to sleep right now, you'll wake back up in his bed, and you can redo everything. Obviously, that's not possible. Your eyes slide over to him. He's concentrating on the road, and there's a small tick in his jaw. His hand had stayed on the steering wheel. His knuckles were white with his grip. He didn't touch you, not even once. You want to cry. What did you do? Why is he so mad? How did he find you there? What did you do?  The song on the speakers switched to something less moody, and your eyes moved to look out the passenger window. The sky is clear, the stars shine bright and twinkling in the late night sky. You didn't care for it.  Not even one little bit. 

That soft yellow glow of the bedroom was exactly the same. So were his sheets and pillows. The memories were completely vivid and fresh in your mind. The sound of your skin slapping together, his grunts and your gasps. The way he held you when you drifted off to sleep.  You look at Yoongi sitting on the corner of his bed staring at you. His elbows resting on his knees and his right knee bouncing slightly You can't tell what he is thinking. You stand next to a large desk in his room. You think he must use it for work. There's messy paper everywhere and pens scattered all around. You try to focus and see what's on the paper but can't make out the scribbles. Poems, maybe? Does he write? You can't remember if he ever mentioned wanting to write back then. Maybe you didn't pay close enough attention. 

“Look at me,” he snaps at you. Your eyes immediately obey his command. “What were you doing  there with Kai?” Yoongi spits his name out in disgust.  

“I…I..Lisa introduced us. We were just talking,” you said softly. “I don't know him.” 

“So, you were just going to go off and fuck someone you don't know?” He asked and you were taken back. He was basically snarling at you. 

“NO!” You cried out. “I wasn't.”  You were getting worked up. “Why do you care? I haven't even heard from you in a week.” You shocked yourself by actually saying that outloud. Shit. You can't take it back now. 

Yoongi didn't seem amused by your outburst. Cracking his neck, he stood up from the bed and stalked up to you. You wanted to take a step back, but that messy desk prevented you from doing so. Yoongi rests both his hands on the desk, caging you in. His breathing and the sound of your own heart beating in your ears ring loudly in your ears. He runs the tip of his nose against the shell of your ear. Goosebumps race down your arms. Your body betrays you, wanting you to give into him. 

“You know,” he whispers in your ear. “The phone works both ways, baby. Get on your knees.” 

You swallow thickly. You aren't exactly sure what he means. Right here on the floor? On the bed? You decide not to make him wait and drop to the floor right in front of him. Are you supposed to undo his pants? Is that what he wants? You have never given a blow job before. Maybe you can fake it and figure it out as you go. You’ve seen porn. Just don't bite him, and you'll be fine. Your hands reach up and start to undo his belt around his hips. Yoongi chuckles a humorless laugh as he swats your hands away.  Oh, that's not what he meant. Tears well in your eyes out of embarrassment. 

“On the bed. On your knees, ass up,”  he snickers at you. 

You stand up slowly and walk with your head down to the bed. You don't want him to see the unshed tears or your embarrassed face. You know it's red. Your knees hit his mattress, the sheets are still soft. You lean down onto your elbows as you look at him, and he shakes his head at you. God, you probably look like such an idiot for not knowing what to do.  Yoongi walks over to you and puts his hands on the back of your shoulders, and pushes you gently down. Your chest and the side of your face meet the bed. He turns your head gently to look at the other side of the room. There's nothing to see over there besides his closet.  You feel the dress that you're wearing starts to rise up. Yoongi next adjusts your hands. Making sure that your fingers are interlocked above your head. You feel him get closer to your face. His breath tickles your ear. 

“Are you okay?” He asks you.

“Yes,” you say meekly. 

“Good. Stop me anytime,” he tells you as he kisses below your ear. “You thought I was ignoring you? You think that’s why I didn't call you?” He asks, but you don't answer. You can feel him slip your dress completely up and over your ass as he stands behind you. “Yes or no, baby?” 

“Yes,” SMACK! As soon as you answer, he spanks you. It wasn't overly hard but just enough to sting. Your body goes rigid, and your eyes widen comically in surprise. Oh! You honestly were not expecting that.

You wait for him to say something, but you're just met with silence. You don't feel his presence near you. You strain your ears to try and listen for him. Did he leave the room?  

“Y..Yo..Yoongi?” you asked softly and he didn't respond.

Suddenly, there was a tick…tick..tick noise in the room.  Slowly, you turn your head, and you see him sitting at his desk. His shirt is off, hair beautifully messy,  pants undone, but nothing obscene showing. Tick…tick…tick. It's one of those music things, a metronome you think it's called. The pendulum swings back and forth again and again. Tick… tick…tick. Yoongi is watching you kneel on the bed while playing with it in his hands. He almost looks bored. 

“Turn back around,” he tells you slowly. You turn your head back around. Tick…tick…tick. “You know what i was thinking all week?” He asks you. “I thought I was a horrible person. Did I force you here? Did I make you do something you didn't want? You wanted out of here so bad the next morning I thought you were going to have a panic attack.” 

The chair groans a little bit. You can only assume that he got up. You can hear the clicking of his belt buckle as if he's walking to you. You anticipate his touch, but again, nothing. Tick…tick…tick.  The oscillating noise is putting you on edge. The sound of his belt tells you he's close. Your breath is starting to come out as pants as adrenaline starts to flow through you. Your interlaced fingers twitching. 

“I wanted to give you space. I see that was the wrong thing to do. Why didn't you get a hold of me, baby?” He asked. You still can't see him.  

“I didn't want to bother you,” you mumble. SMACK! SMACK! You press your hands together tightly and screw your eyes shut.  Tears blurred your vision as they started to fall. You sucked in a shuddering breath.

“You could never bother me. Instead of talking to me, you decided to ignore me to fuck around with Kai? How do you think that makes me feel?” His voice raises some. SMACK! His hand gently starts rubbing your reddened cheek. Soothing the stinging with his cool palm. You hear him take a deep breath.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” you say through tears. “I'm fine.” You really were. “I didn't…” 

“What?” Yoongi asks. His hand is still gently rubbing your reddened skin. 

“I thought you realized you made a mistake. I thought maybe I wasn't good enough for you. I'm not like my sister,” you hiccuped. You pressed your hands tightly together before he delivered the next smack. It never came. Tick…tick…tick.  

“Why would you compare yourself to her? Why didn't you say anything?” He asked. His hand stroked some hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. The strands were wet from tears. 

“Have you met me,” you try to joke through tears. You highly doubt Yoongi thinks it's funny. Yoongi leaned over to look at your tear stained face. Bending down, he kissed the tears away. You close your eyes and welcome him. He's here. The soft, gentle Yoongi is here now. 

Yoongi moved again and stood behind you. He hooked his fingers into your underwear and slowly slid them down your legs. His fingertips tickled the outside of your thighs as they traveled down. He lifted your knees one at a time so he could completely remove them from your body. Then, nothing. Why does he keep disappearing on you? You were tempted to turn and look for him again. Tick…tick..tick. Suddenly, his tongue is on you. You close your eyes and sigh, escape your lips , and fingers tighten together.  You push your hips back against his face to get him closer. His tongue swirls magical circles against your bundle of nerves.  One week, and you realize how much you missed this. How starved for his touch you were. You should have made the first move. This all could have been avoided. He was right. You didn't think about how he felt.  You shouldn't have gotten in your own head. You always get in your own head. Yoongi pulls away. Disappointment floods through your body.  Disappointment doesn't last, though. You hear his belt rattling, and pants hit the ground. He roughly pulls your body to him in one smooth move. Your own clothed back to his naked front. He gently tangles his hand in your hair, pulling your head back. Just like that, gentle Yoongi is gone.  Dipping his head, he slants his mouth over yours. Tongue demanding entrance. You relax and press your tongue against his, tasting yourself on him.  Soon, he lets go of your lips and hands roughly yank your dress down to your waist. You thrust your hips back with an arch of your back. He's hard. 

“Still good?” He asks again, hands and slowly coming up to cup your naked breasts. His fingers tweak your nipple. It sends a jolt right down to your core. 

“Yes, Yoongi,” you reply somewhat breathlessly. 

Yoongi pushes you forward so you were down on the bed again. Chest flush with the bed, ass in the air. His hands grip your hips, bringing you back to him. You feel him run his cock up and down your wet folds. Dipping the head in and taking it back out. He does this several times and it's driving you mad. You try to swivel your hips but he completely backs off with an airy laugh. SMACK! He slaps your ass once more. Grabbing your hair again, he pulls you up   savagely against him. His arm crosses over your chest, hand on your shoulder. He's supporting your weight against him. You tilt your head back to rest on his shoulder. Chest rising and falling with every pant of your breath. 

“I should have fucked you in front of him,” he hisses in your ear. “That way you wouldn't have to doubt me again. Everyone at that party would know your mine now. Kai….Lisa….Jimin.” 

 Yoongi's free hand cups your pussy, giving you teasing strokes. Teasing just like before. Fingers enter you shallowly just to pull back quickly. You look at him and you don't even have time to question him before he's answering you. 

“How do you think I found you tonight? We work together, baby. He likes talking about Lisa.” He explains with a chuckle. “Lisa… she likes to talk about setting her pretty little friend up with a date, but her friend is kind of shy. I took the chance that she was talking about you. Lucky me, huh,” Yoongi answers you as his fingers finally start pumping into you. Your wet, you thought maybe too, went given the situation. Your noises make it obvious how much you are enjoying this. “Too bad you're not available. Kai was pretty good-looking.” 

“Please, I'm sorry. I need you. Yoongi, please,” you beg him. Yoongi kisses your neck. Lightly sucking on your sweat slicked skin as his fingers pump into you faster. Marking you, making you his.

Yoongi lets his grip on you go. You fall to the bed and scramble to get back onto your knees in front of him. You lift your head and look over your shoulder at him. Trying to beg him with your eyes to do something…anything.  Tick…tick…tick. Yoongi finally grips your hips and pulls you back to him. Leaning over you, he places you exactly like he had you before. Chest flush with the bed, hands above your head. Rubbing your red marks with his hand, he deals one more blow before he sinks all the way into you. You sigh. He feels like home. 

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Tagged reader

@unicornbabylover

[anonymous-existences]

Chapter 3 : Love Advices And a Creepstick™

I'm going Insane, Anyways. Enjoy this Long ass Chapter.

[𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚁𝚘𝚠, 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚢, 𝚁𝚎𝚍 𝙷𝚘𝚘𝚍'𝚜 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚏]

Dan was walking to Crime Alley with his long Hair tied up in a bun, he puts on his Red Crimson Cap and put his gun In a holster hidden under his shirt hanging by his belt for safety precautions. "Oi! Sup Dan." He heard Hood from afar on top of a fire exit, Dan waves by tipping his hat up. Dan still wore a mask as to not attract too much attention to the albinism features he showcases. "I heard you needed me from The Chron(Clockwork) Man." Hood laughs as he hopped out of the fire exit and heading to Dan. "Don't worry it's not babysitting this time." Dan chuckles and pats Hood's Head as they walked Jason's apartment discreetly, Dan already know Jason was Red Hood because of them sparring and Dan accidentally using his "meta" fire powers and burning half of the Mask.

"I still feel guilty for burning your first mask." Dan mutters and Hood laughs waving that off, "Think of it like payback when I tried to stab you for being suspicious and it also convinced me to finally get a new mask so it's fine." Jason laughed and Dan pats his head. Jason took off his mask, "so what's up?" He plopped on the couch. "I need courting advices.... How do you court a man?" Dan says and Jason almost choked on his soda in surprise. "Damn, on your age? How old are they?" Jason asks hesitantly, "I am not that type of person... And also the same age as me." Dan says as he opened a bag of chips and lowers his face mask to eat as they watched Telenovelas in Jason's Apartment.

"Why do you think I know anything about that...?" Jason tilts his head, "Oh please, if you swore your on your brothers lives and say you're not gay they'd die." Dan states earning him a pillow to the face. "It's true, you're quite zesty with Roy at times." Jason scoffed, "I am not he has a kid for god's sake—" Jason combs his hair, "uh-huh but still... How do you court someone?" Dan asks again much more amused tone this time. "Flowers, gifts, serenade them if you must." Jason says casually as If Dan wasn't some rich Dad. "Jason... I'm... I'm a single father, and that man also has many kids. We're the same age. I've fucked him—" Jason gagged, "Ew, don't tell me about your love life dad— I mean Dan. DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!" Jason threw more pillow and Dan just laughs, Jason has called him dad in rare but more common occasions and the excuse will always be, "I ONLY CALLED YOU THAT BECAUSE DAN AND DAD HAVE ONE LETTER DIFFERENCES!!" Jason scoffed in anger and Dan just nods as he caught all the pillows being thrown at him.

Jason looks so much like when Danny was younger, white hair streak, Black Messy and Puffy Hair, Trauma Scars and more, Vigilantism type of shtick, even the Autopsy Scar and Baby Blue Eyes. "You look so much like Danny... Maybe he'll grow up to look like you." Dan smiles and Jason finally eases down, "but as I was fucking saying you old timer. You can court men with either cute meets or something. Act like it's a coincidence, say it must be fate or hell.... According to the Telenovelas we are watching send him love letters." Jason sat back down and settled himself deep in the soft pillows of the couch as they continued to watch the drama.

"Oh my god, Kristina has a twin sister?Al and She and Her Husband didn't know?? HE'S BEEN FUCKING HU—" Dan watching the twists "HE FUCKED HER TWIN SISTER INSTEAD OF HER IN THEIR WEDDING NIGHT AND BOTH OF THEM GIRLS ARE PREGNANT???" Both Dan and Jason Gasped Loudly and Dramatically, this was something they didn't expect to happen as a twist in their favorite telenovela. "¿Qué carajo acaba de pasar?" Dan mutters and Jason shrugged still mouth agape, "i swear to my brothers ungodly unfortunate love lives this wasn't something I expected either. There was no hints but, THAT FILLS IN THE PAST PLOTHOLES!!" Jason yelled and opened another bag of chips.

"What if I adopt you?" Dan asks suddenly and Jason looked at him with a nonchalant "are you serious?" Face and sighed, "Too late I'm already adopted also I'm in my 20s fuck you dad— DAN— DAMMIT—" Jason cursed and Dan laughed. "who are you crushing on anyways?" Jason asks as he calms down as he starts eating his chips.

"Specifically who did you fuck?" Jason mutters.

"Bruce Wayne."

Dan casually says and Jason just stared at him, "MY DAD?!" Jason yells in shock, "Bruce Wayne is your DAD?!" Dan yelled back, "YES BITCH! MY NAME IS JASON PETER TODD-WAYNE!!" Jason yells as he stood up and points at himself still shocked, "OH IM SORRY BUT I DONT DO BACKGROUND CHECKS ON EVERYONE!!" Dan yelled back and both men sighed. "So let me settle this straight.... You fucked MY Dad. And then... You want to court him? Jesus Christ Spare me today. When will you ever spare me of these types of bullshit?" Jason pinches the bridge of his nose and groans in defeat, "So that's what the little Brat was talking about..." Jason just drags his hand down his face and Dan tilts his head.

"Which one?" Dan asks and continues to watch the telenovela as if he didn't just find out He's planning to court Jason's Dad, Brucie-Fucking-Wayne but okay— "Stabby Stabby and Sleep Deprived." Jason just dialing someone. "Let me call someone to process this information for me." Jason sighs "it's not that ba—" Jason shots him a glare "YOU FUCKED MY DAD AND WANT TO COURT HIM! THAT'S WHAT'S BAD FOR ME—" Jason just yelled. "I mean you already call me your Father as well so why not—" Dan was cut off by Jason throwing his slipper at him, "that's rude." Dan laughs and throws it back at Jason who catches it and steps out the apartment to answer his calls. "Dick." Jason answers, "Okay so B isn't possessed or A Clon—" Jason cuts him off, "Dick. Listen. Remember the Guy I said is like a second father figure to me?" Jason says hesitantly. "Yeah...?" Dick Says slowly trying to get the hint of what Jason is about to say.

"He's the one who Got B like that. The one who forced B into Bed Rest for a Sore Back." Jason states and is met with a yell of shock, "WHAT??!? THE NICE BIG GUY?? THE GUY WHO IS TALLER THAN BRUCE?!?! THEEE DAAAN??!?" Dick just questioning, "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND YES HIM DICK." Jason yelled back, "Okay... Okay.... I know for a fact that Even Damian has Met Dan— and approved of him being around Us because he is very Kind and Caring and Also his sister is badass and also because He's badass when he needs to and the baby bat thought it was cool— BUT WHAT?!" Dick just having mixed emotions stirring in his chest, I mean how do you process the guy who is both. Heart of gold and Has Had Blood Bathed Hands be— WHAT—.

"Exactly My reaction and this bitch just told me he wants to Court Bruce." Jason groaned loudly, "Oh My God... This is Wild! this is amazing. LET'S push FOR IT! HE'S A GOOD MAN!!" Dick laughs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN PUSH FOR IT?!" Jason just wanted to strangle or shake Dick if he was even there but he sighs in defeat.

"Gods Have Mercy On My Fucking Sanity." He taps his feet on the floor in irritation and also slowly considering it. "Yeah... The Man's good and his sister forced most of my guys into therapy with her for free. Alfred needs a teammate and she can be that teammate." Jason just started chuckling, visibly and mentally scheming about how they can use Jazz to Put the Batfam into Therapy.

News Rolled around the Television, Joker has escaped again. ".... Jazz is so gonna be pissed...." Dan mutters and Jason just nods in agreement as he comes back inside the apartment, "isn't he, her patient?" Jason asks, "Yeah, she beats him with a Sandal if he doesn't behave and she takes away his Pinkie Pie Collection that she bribes him with. She has full authority over the man and I couldn't be more terrified of my own sister." Dan sighs then suddenly he stood up stunned. "... Something's wrong though.... Something's wrong." His Dad Senses? Fraid Senses? Whatever it was it is tingling and bells ringing like crazy and he wasn't fond of that feeling, "I'll try your love advices Jaylad, I might just become your Stepfather ya know." Dan laughs, "as long as you force my family into therapy I absolutely am in for it." Jason laughed and watched Dan jump out of the 3rd floor apartment and bolt out of the alley.

[𝙹𝚊𝚣𝚣 𝙿𝙾𝚅]

She lost Danny and Ellie in the crowd of panicking people, an explosion on the right side of the mall occured, Jazz turn on her phone and comms to start tracking the two kids. She yelled out their names but she dragged with the crowd, Her Worry was begining to stir up in her chest, worsening by the second she does not have her sights on them.

"Danny! Ellie!" She cried out, tears forming at the edge of her eyes frantically looking around in a panic, "Auntie..." She heard through the comms in Ellie's Dress. "Hic... I'm scared.... The clown man is looking for us... Danny hit his head and won't wake up.... Hic.." Ellie says her voice trembling in fear.

"I-I'll come find you Ellie, where are you— please tell me—" Jazz heaves desperately, "I-I don't know... It's Da—"

"Found you~"

Ellie screamed and the comms was cut off, "Ellie!" Jazz yelled out but soon realized their communication was cut off.

Jazz could feel her blood pumping, she opened a pocket portal and pulled out her Phantom CreepStick™, her eyes felt as though at any moment it's gonna glow a neon green, her body was trembling in anger.

"I'm gonna kill that fucking clown..." She mutters under her breathe, she forcedfully walked her way through the crowd of people until there was no more, She snuck out the mall seamlessly without anyone noticing her presence at all as if though she never existed at all

She furrowed her brows her heart filled with rage, "I will not let anyone... Hurt my family ever again." She mutters under heavy breathes as she tracks Ellie's and Danny's Location through her phone.

The tears on her tears rolled and she wipes them her face turning serious and almost devoid of any sympathy or mercy. She dials Dan's Number who answered immediately, "They're on the News." Dan says as he bolted to where the location is saying Danny and Ellie was being hostage by The Joker.

Joker was Monologuing as Jazz expected in the 'Live Stream', "I'm heading there now.... He's talking about you and Bruce Wayne's Fucking One night stand, Dan. Just so you know once Vlad wakes up I'll let him deal with you." Jazz sternly voiced out as she felt a low growl under her breathe, so aggresive yet so calculative.

Dan growled on the phone as he watched the so called stream, Sam was on the line, "Tucker found em and pinpointed which floor they're located." Sam was floating from afar on top of a building, "I see Batman and Nightwing. And an Extra Red Hood heading to the same location. Aren't they fast but will they be useful? No idea. "

"I'll Beat Joker Myself. Im almost there. I stole someone's bike." Jazz says over the Comms, "You stole something— did you atleast pay for it?" Sam asks, "I Gave them an envelope of Money." Jazz states, "Makes Sense." Dan says, he was bolting with his bike to The Location absolutely breaking every speeding law as he does so.

Sam floated over to the Abandoned Warehouse and Saw Batman trying to assess the situation but to no avail the kids are currently surrounded by Poisonous gas filled canisters in a tube that could kill their small bodies with ease, Ellie was sobbing. "Tucker. There's poison gas bombs. Like poison gas bomb contraptions, I'm waiting for you Jazz."

Dan Growls in the comms and Jazz reaches the abandoned warehouse first, any goons of Joker she came across she knocked out with ease. "Danny's still unconscious, Ellie is too scared to go intangible, Grab Em Sam." Jazz orders and Jazz Hummed an Approval and she swooped in and went visible for a moment grabbing Danny and Ellie and going invisible with the two children before the poisonous gas he apparently concocted kicks in and fully kill the two.

Joker was confused, he thinks it's something Batman Did and Jazz with her Creepstick Dragged it across his face sending him to the wall, she was heaving filled with adrenaline and she charged at Joker and Hit him again, all live on TV. Red hood was there only because it was joker and he babysits those two babies and He's cheering for Jazz as she fully knocked the Crazy Clown Up with her Now bloody Metal Bat.

She whips her head around and glares at Batman, "You're too slow. You don't wait until something happens Batman." Jazz muttered, her eyes feeling as tho they're piercing right through their souls. Jazz picks up her bat again and threw it at the camera that was recording live and Destroyed it, the Bat even sticking to the wall.

"Brutal" Tucker says over the Comms. Jazz sways her hair and walks away as she picks up her Bat and Pulls it out of the wall. "Hood list that as number 29 of the many reasons why I shouldn't piss her off ever again." Nightwing says, "On it." Hood confirms and Sam became Visible again and Let's the two kids run to Jazz, Jazz's gaze softened and she gasps for air in relief and kisses their foreheads and hugging them tightly, Danny was silent but he cried upon realization of what almost happened, Ellie couldn't stop sobbing her eyes out and Hood Approached them casually and Just Stood beside Jazz.

"Hood should I call the police?" Sam asks and pulls out a phone, "yeahhhh, do that Manson" Hood affirms her and She nodded and dialed the Police Number. "Dan's Incoming." tucker says through the comms again and Dan destroyed the wall beside Jazz, he took was filled with adrenaline as the twins called out to him and jumped in his arms.

Jazz slowly stood up and dusting her knees and dress, "Shopping for toys turning into I beat the joker to near death for the 15th time since the month I've been here in Gotham." Jazz sighs and Dan was sobbing whilst hugging the twins.

Jazz looked at Batman who was already behind her. They talked and Batman almost asks to recruit her for her talents but Jazz refused, "I like the little bit of normalcy that's left in my life thank you." She waves the Big Bat Off. " I already retired from the Part-Vigilantism Shtick when I was 18." she blurts out, "Same" the Goth girl, possibly Gothamite Sam Manson Yawned.

Half an hour later and the Police Arrived to arrest the goons and Joker (Again), they did not fight back this time due to Jazz's Supervision, truly a terrifying woman when serious, this is why she was always fit for the job in Arkham Asylum.

Batman tried to recruit Jasmine again but she refused again, "As I said Big Bat, I don't plan to become anyone's hero again. I'm quite fine with supervising the Rogues and helping those mentally insane sentient people the comfort of understanding." She sighs softly and Sam was beside Dan who was hugging Danny and Ellie, they would arrest Dan for breaking speeding laws but for now they couldn't because of the reasons and his sister's Successful immediate apprehension of the Joker.

"He's no joker, If he himself is the Joke." Sam jokes and Dan chuckled slightly. Batman couldn't stop glancing at Dan occasionally, "B I swear to fucking Gotham Gods." Hood was judging Batman, "I am doing nothing wrong Hood." He states and Hood just groans in annoyance totally done with the Man's Antics.

"I babysit his kids, I can always set you two up—" Jason suggests but Dick Interrupts, "Hood it's not the time to suggest dating advice to B, he's not even good at Keeping a wife—" Batman shot them both a glare accompanied with a slight scowl at that comment.

Clockwork or 'Chrono' soon stopped by the location to pick up his 'Wards', Dan slowly hopped inside the car gently placing an exhaust Danny and Ellie down in the Backseat and putting them in their seatbelts, Sam also hopped in. "CW, I need to take my bike with me, I'll follow you all home okay?" Dan raises his head and looks at Clockwork and the Man nods, "Ofcourse, Master Dan, I'll also tell them that you went out to buy them something so make sure to come home with some food they'll like." Clockwork reminds him and Dan smiles.

"Ofcourse." Dan sighs in relief, "Since I stole someone's bike im also taking it home." Dan puts her helmet back on and Nodded at Jazz before driving off before Clockwork. The police started asking Jazz questions, She Was very cooperative with their questions and even came to the precinct for more questions to be answered.

"See B, you lost the chance to ask out the Big Hunk of A Family Man Mixed with Possible "I'll kill for my family" mentality." Hood lectured Batman again and Batman just Grunts in disapproval and denial. "My interest is not headed that way Hood." Batman merely hums out and patting Hood's Shoulder, Batman could feel that Hood just rolled his eyes behind his mask and Nightwing Chuckled in visible amusement, "We should head back to the cave now." Nightwing reminds them and Batman grunts in what they could only assume was an Approval to Nightwing's suggestion.

[𝙱𝚊𝚝𝙲𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙿𝙾𝚅]

"Joker just got his ass beat live by an auntie of the two kids he kidnapped." Red Robin blurted out holding back a laugh, "And I assume it's going Viral Red?" Robin asks as he walked closer to the Bat-Computer, Red Robin bursting out laughing was enough approval that it indeed was going Viral.

"A bat.. Uncultured Choice of Weapon but it's Better than nothing." Robin states and Red Robin kept laughing before eventually he fell out of his seat. Black Bat was walking to them in confusion as she sees Red Robin on the floor, "Sane?" She asks Robin, "Yes Yes. He's sane, in his words I shall state, "Joker just got his Arse Beat" and it is now going trending and Viral with the Tags "#BeatThatClown" and "#StanningJazzMasters" which seems to be the name of the woman who put joker in a near death situation." Robin sighs as Red Robin kept Laughing.

"it's absolutely everywhere right now Cass, it's so funny, She even Told Big B that he was slow." Spoiler laughed and helped Red Robin stand up as he slowly calmed his Laughing.

"Jasmine Masters, she's an odd Individual. She works at Arkham Asylum as one of the top psychiatrists to have helped many of the asylum's population become 'normal' again to society's standards of Sanity." Robin states as he does a minor background check on the girl through another laptop.

"Perhaps The Masters Family are just full of odd and peculiar People." Robin shuts his Laptop and scrolling through the posts of Joker Memes slowly being posted one by one of the Man getting Beat Up.

"People are fascinating creatures of unhinged intellect." Robin mutters and Spoiler Scoffs, "you're talking as if you're not a 'people' as well" She rolls her eyes and Robin just huffs and glared at her. "There will be no Stabbing Master Damian." Alfred interrupts them as he placed 4 plates of snacks on the table and left promptly not before taking away Damian's knife Making Damian groan.

"Deserved." Oracle chuckled as Damian Pouted. Black Bat just Pats Damian's head to comfort him. "I am quite alright Cain, just upset that my dearest backup weapon has been compromised by Alfred." Robin huffs and Black Bat nodded at her Baby Brother's Cuteness and Childish Antics even if it is a bit dangerous.

"Their family is so weird..." Red Robin muttered doing background checks on the Masters but he dares not to go too far unlike before. "Sometimes there's nothing sometimes there's everything... It's so suspicious." Red Robin was suspecting them of being a criminal family, "Dante Is Hood's Crime Alley Father Figure as I have checked in the Past." Robin stated and The three just looked at him with the Red Robin just baffled. "The one he accidentally calls dad when on comms?" Red Robin asks completely shocked.

"Yes Drake." Robin did not elaborate any further on the statement he randomly drops on them like a bomb despite the two being Red Robin and Spoiler trying to Bribe him or Persuade him to spill he just refuses to do so.

He turns his head away and hopped off his chair and simply goes back to the Manor and ignores the two.

"I will simply not budge for anything, and if you truly wish to know more stood bothering me with your silly antics face Todd himself." Damian scoffs.

"Goddamit." Tim curses under his breathe.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Wake up, BurningCheese/GoldenSpice babes, new poorly drawn blorbos just dropped

They look cooler in my head, I swear.

the images didn't show up the first time wtf lol

The kids are finally here, yay. I promised I'd show you them, and I finally stopped being an asshole and followed through. Almost got 200 followers and I'm very grateful for it - really, I'm nobody. I'm just some clown who says dumb stuff and makes dumb memes and writes cringey stories, and yet I convinced almost 200 people to tune in. Thank you all so much, users on here and anons in my inbox alike. As a token of appreciation, you can all endure my rambling about my OCs and witness a person in their early 20s draw like a 12 year old.

The boy is Pepper Jack (or Pepper Jack Cookie). He's the firstborn and older than his sister by a few years. He takes after his mother in a lot of ways, primarily in her appearance (save for nabbing his father's red eyes). He's incredibly bright (and a smartass lol), preferring to think his way out of conflict rather than fight his way out... not that he's above violence at all, if that glaive doesn't give it away lol. He harbors a deep sense of love and loyalty towards his family and his peoples, and carries the weight of his responsibilities and heritage with as much confidence and poise as he can muster. (There are/will be times where he stumbles, of course. He's not perfect. He struggles a lot more than he lets on, really. But he tries his best, for everyone's sake.)

The girl is Matar Paneer (or Matar Paneer Cookie). Again, she's the younger one by a few years. She was all but made in her father's image, save for inheriting her mother's eyes. She's a little firecracker: lively and fun-loving and stubborn as a mule. She doesn't ask "can I have/do this thing", she tells you "I'm going to have/do this thing". Golden is proud as anything to see her daughter be so greedy... until that greed comes into conflict with her and Spice's authority lol. But she's a good kid, despite being such a handful. She has an enormous heart and is not afraid to stand up for others/what's right, and she loves her parents and brother more than anything in the world. She might doubt her own capabilities, she might secretly fear that she's not strong enough to do what she needs to... but she keeps pushing anyway, because she'd honestly choose death over quitting.

Your eyes are not deceiving you, Pepper Jack's wings are blue lol. There's an actual reason for that. And that USO (Unidentified Sitting Object) in Matar Paneer's hair is a lotus (the cheese one in the GCK decor set lol). There's a reason for that, too. I thought it would be cool to give Jack a glaive and swap out the normal blade for that of a khopesh sword (glaives are not Egyptian, they only saw use in Asia and Europe, but I just HAD to give him a glaive), to add that Egyptian touch. Paneer's supposed to be wearing a pattu pavadai, it's a traditional Indian dress for young girls. It's a blouse plus a skirt. She's holding katar, Indian knives (Cilantro Cobra has them, too). And her hair's supposed to be in a low ponytail.

Merchant thinks that if they explain what their terrible drawings are supposed to convey, people will understand their intended vision and the pain will stop

I sat down and did research into both Egyptian and Hindu mythology for the sake of drawing inspiration for them both. I'll explain in detail in another post, but basically: both of them take after one Egyptian god and one Hindu god each. Golden takes after Ra and Spice takes after Shiva, so I figured I'd follow along that line.

Please flood my inbox with questions about them now. I've really been dying to talk about them for ages now. I've drafted extensive character sheets for them both, I even made up in-game descriptions for them lol. They're my little fankid blorbos and I love them :') I hope you all come to love them, too

(Also, I'm sorry they're on lined paper. I'm visiting family rn and that's the only paper my grandmother has in her house. I'd have to drive to a stationery to get printer paper and I'd really rather not drive in this particular country lol (shit roads, even shittier drivers). I'll doodle them on printer paper whenever somebody remembers to bring me some)

[echantedtoon]

A Lovers' Circle (Poly Haishira x Reader) Ch18 Flamboyant Cooking

(Hearts conquered so far: Sanemi, Giyuu, Gyomei, Rengoku, Kanae, Mitsuri, and Shinobu. Only five more to go. Can you guess who's next? Note that I don't know Tengen's Wives' birthdays or favorite deserts. I'm just making it up for story. Art not mine found on Pinterest.)

Taglist: @shadyd3ar @jcrml

@tengensangel @miniverse-zen @mysteri0uz @jjamsbangtan

@the-unknown-fandom

@lavenderdropp @mimisweetz. @purplesoulsapphire

@kksmush @denkpanda18 @whomisi @lessthanimperfect @silver-rin

@namis-noodlebox

@k1ttyluverz @akiramente

@rascalraccoon @ravenclawkae1

@gilded-sunrays @crescent-blades

@yukari1k @bloodymarysgirl21

@artbyrebel @abaker74 @lunarluna9482

@rainbowidol

Remember if you want to be added to the taglist lemme know

Love is a beautiful thing.

It could move mountains, heal others, or even start a war. But you can also put love into things you do. Whether it's knitting, working out, or in your case packing up some of the food you made for Giyuu and Shinobu.

"That smells devine. What are you making?"

"Okonomiyaki and some caviar salmon onigiri." You smiled happily over your shoulder and into the living room where your boyfriend was sitting on your sofa and held a book in his hands. One carefully holding the book while the other was pressed into the pages to read the brail that was written on it. But he had his head turned when he smelt seafood. "I also have some umurice and yakisobapan." 

"Ah. I thought as such. If my nose doesn't deceive me, then I swear I smell something sweet as well." He rose a brow as the sounds of familiar footsteps skipped happily along the wood floor and a scent suddenly grabbed his attention with a hum. "Strawberries?"

"Strawberry sando sandwiches to be exact." He turned his head following the feeling of her pushing his hands from his lap as an unmistakable tray was placed down in front of him. "Didn't think I'd let you go hungry did you?"

"Hm. And I am to assume those are the sando sandwiches you speak of?" Amused he tilted his head but was not prepared for the kids to his lips that got him to drop his book on the sofa and an immediate pink color rise to his face. 

"Mwah! Yes.~ And some tea just how you like it." Another kiss this time softly placed to his forehead making his face a deeper pink as she giggled. "Now you go ahead and eat lunch. I have to finish packing up all this food I made."

He blinked before a hand covered his face. "Goodness. I might never get used to that."

"Then maybe I should kiss you more often to get you used to me "

"Gods above. You'll be the death of me."

She giggled again before footsteps retreated. "A death worth while.~ Now eat up. I'll be needing your help if I'm going to be delivering all this food."

You heard a few chuckles as you walked back into the kitchen and gave a sigh as the sight of all the food you still needed to pack up was still placed on the kitchen table, counter, and stovetop.  There was the food you'd made for Giyuu and Shinobu of course. Kanae had mentioned to you that she'd talked her sister into eating healthier and start cooking more often so you wouldn't have to cook for them anymore which was a really kind gesture. Most of the food you cooked was actually for Mitsuri whom asked you to make her a few certain deserts she's been wanting minus the ohagi Sanemi requested shyly last Friday.

So guess who spent all Thursday afternoon and all weekend baking. Your kitchen might as well have been a sauna at this point. It was hot and you had to open the window slightly to not overheat despite the cold outside. You just needed to get these all packaged up and ready to be given out tomorrow. 

As if fate was testing you again, a familiar sound sounded off as you were handling some more fruit sando sandwiches intending to pack them up for Mitsuri.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Both your heads turned towards the door instinctively before you sighed and shouted at the top of your lungs from the kitchen. "The door's open! Come in!"

A moment of silence passed by before the doorknob turned with a creak and the front door opened up with a rush of cold air that had Gyomei shivering. A moment later a head of red hair stuck itself inside with a wide smile. 

"Hello!," Kyojuro called as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. 

You paused as the familiar man made himself known but it was your boyfriend who spoke up first "Kyojuro, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Tengen planning Makio's birthday party?"

"It's already been planned out!," he answered loudly, "I just wanted to stop by and speak to Y/n on a small favor!"

"Oh?.." Gyomei hummed again raising a thoughtful brow. "I see. She's just in the kitchen through there. You'll find her busy however."

"Not to worry. I don't intend to bother her for long!" You blinked as footsteps approached and a second later the bright cheery man himself was standing in the doorway, bright orange scarf around his neck and beaming at you. "GREETINGS, Y/N! Apologies for dropping in like this but I had something to tell you! I hope I'm not interrupting!"

"Uh." You blinked before finishing wrapping up a banana sando sandwich in plastic wrap. "No. Not at all. It's good to see you again, Kyo."

"LIKEWISE!!"

"How can I help you?"

"I bring good news! Makio's said she'd be happy to celebrate with everyone there and has extended that invitation to you!" He sounded so happily at you. "If you're available tomorrow then you can join the girls for their day out!"

"Tomorrow?" 

"Yes!" He tilted his head. "Is that a bad time?"

"Oh. No but it's just that I have a lot of food to deliver." You gestured to the sandwiches you had just wrapped up with plastic wrap. "And I have some more to bake before today's over."

"Ah! I see! If you'd like you could just bring it along! Everyone will be in one place anyways!"

"I guess that could work. By the way, what favor did you want to ask me?"

"Hm? OH! I nearly forgot!" He slapped a hand to his forehead. How could he have almost forgotten about why he came all the way here for? "Senjuro rally enjoyed the sugar cookies you had made for our party and was wondering if you'd be willing to give our mother the recipe for them!"

Senjuro? Oh that was Kyojuro's younger brother. You nodded happily. "Sure! I have the recipe over there." You pointed turning around. "Just give me a minute and I'll write you a copy."

"THANK YOU! I'm sure my brother will be so happy!" He beamed watching as you giggled and started towards a small shelf with a few cookbooks laid upon it. After a moment his orange eyes wondered curiously over the many Tupperware containers and wrapped up food, only to pause when something caught his eye. "Is that nerikiri wagashi?"

You hummed briefly looking over your shoulder noticing the way Kyojuro eyed the pastel colored, flowery looking deserts. "Oh. Yeah. Mitsuri asked me to make her a few deserts after she found out I gave Giyuu some food. You can have a few if you want."

"Don't mind if I do!" You turned back to the books as he quickly plucked up one and popped it into his mouth. "TASTY!!" You gave a chuckle heading him yell out before helping himself to another sweet treat. "UMAI!! This is delicious!"

"Thank you!" You didn't look up. Just starting to flip through the book for those sugar cookies recipes.

"This reminds me of Hinatsuru's cooking at the cafe! She makes a lot of those cakes and sandwiches you can order off the menu! Sometimes she'll even make everyone's favorite deserts."

Your head slowly rose.. before you looked over your shoulder at him putting another one into his mouth. "Really?..What are their favorite deserts?" He hummed in question. "Tengen and his wives."

"Oh! That's easy! Suma adores chocolate! She can never get enough of it! Hinatsuru is more of a daifuku person and I'm not sure about Makio. I do know she enjoys purin pudding though. Tengen's easy to please. All you have to do is give him rock candy."

You blinked. "Tengen likes rock candy?" He nodded. "I thought someone like him would like something fancy like creme brulee."

"Pfft. Hahaha! He does give that impression doesn't he?" He shook his head. "No. He likes rock candy because it reminds him of jewels. He likes to wear pretty jewelry and I suppose when the light bounces off rock candy it looks like the jewels he wears. 'The flashiest Candy' as he calls it."

You giggled. "Well that's one way to put it-" A growling sound caused the both of you to pause.. before you blinked. "Oh. Are you hungry?"

He sheepishly rubbed at his neck. "I'll admit I haven't eaten since breakfast and seeing your food does make me hungrier."

"Well it'll take me a second to write the recipe. Why don't you go sit down and I'll get you something to eat."

His head perked up immediately. "Really? You'd cook for me like you do for Giyuu?"

You nodded. "I have some extra food I can spare. Go sit down and I'll get you some unagi."

"I was right! Mitsuri really should've gone with the angel costume for you!"

"Oh stop it and go sit down."

 You were already going to get him something to eat as he turned and walked into the living room. Only to be slightly caught off guard to find Gyomei staring at him silently with a raised brow. It took him aback a little bit but he shook it off and instantly went to sit in the armchair across from him. A moment later you followed after with a plate of grilled eel and rice and something for him to drink. He beamed as you handed it over to him before leaving again for the kitchen. 

Gyomei continued to stare at him as he began to eat the food given to him. Humming as the delicious taste bathed his taste buds in rich flavors. "MMM!! This is delicious! Y/n's cooking is truly amazing!"

"Is that so?"

"Hahaha! She's a perfect chef and such a kind person. I swear it's almost as if we're married and we're her husbands"

"Ah. Is that right?" Gyomei's hum only made the flamed haired man raise his own brows. "Kyojuro, if I didn't know better I'd say that quite a few of you are starting to display symptoms of liking her."

"Why wouldn't we? She's a lovely person!"

"I'm speaking of romantic feelings."

Rengoku paused. Well raised to his open mouthed smile as Gyomei silently kept staring at him. Silence between the two of them persisted until Gyomei calmly turned back to his food and raised the cup of tea to his lips. 

"I'm not angry with any of you just for the record. It would be stupid of me to be angry with my partners liking someone I also love considering the nature of our relationship...But do keep in mind that even if Y/n is in a relationship with me and is perfectly fine with my relationship with all of you, that she may not wish to return the affections from all of you." 

"...I understand." Orange eyes turned back to his food. "I hope you don't feel like we crossed any of your boundaries."

He held up a hand sipping his drink. "I'm not at all upset. I should've expected something like this to occur. But please keep in mind to respect the wishes of my girlfriend concerning her wants in a relationship."

"I promise you that we will. You've always been understanding."

A huff and smile was sent his way. "With you all I always will be "

You had returned from the kitchen about ten minutes later after wrapping up the food a little bit more so Kyojuro could have some time to eat. The cheery man thanked you for the recipe and food before bidding you both goodbye and leaving but not before letting you know where the birthday party will be taking place. 

"The girls are going out shopping and to the spa again but we're celebrating the party at Tengen's home. You can come over and give everyone your food then."

Sounded like a great plan to you! You'd be able to deliver everything to everyone on time and wouldn't have to worry about traveling to so many places in one day. Now you just had to take care of the obligatory birthday present.

***********************************************

Footsteps collided along the sidewalk up towards a home you were unfamiliar with but wouldn't really be too surprised by. A fancier side of town for sure with the bigger houses and fancier structure. You really didn't come to this part of town too often. Aunt Dakita did a lot though for clients or high social events she was invited too. Honestly it didn't surprise you but how many different people she knew, but the fact that Tengen was able to live here on a college student's salary was very surprising to you.

What the heck did he do for a living?!

"He works in a host club and bar! He's a very popular entertainer!"

Rengoku was more than happy to satisfy your curiosity on the drive over. You sat beside him on the passenger side with Gyomei uncomfortably squished in the seat behind you. True to his word, Kyojuro had swung by early in the morning to help you get everything there. And by that he meant picking you both up and driving you to Tengen's home himself, which was a nice gesture even if you didn't expect it. You thought that Tengen and his wives lived with Kyojuro since the five of them were all together an item but you guess not. 

Honestly if Tengen was a popular entertainer between classes then it'd explain why he could afford to live here, and you weren't surprised by the news of him being an entertainer. He certainly had the looks to pull it off and the personality to back it up. 

"How much longer until we get there?," you asked him looking out the window at one house that had a fancy birdbath in front of it.

"It's just around the corner!," Kyojuro assured you with a smile. "Don't worry!"

Thank goodness. You were getting worried about how squished your boyfriend was in the back seat despite him not complaining a bit. Kyojuro turned a corner and continued to drive until he slowly came to a stop right in front of a three story house. You took a look at it before proceeding to exit the car and take a moment to look over the large house. Wow. Other than the one campus dorms, these might be the biggest homes you've ever seen. 

You didn't doddle long when Gyomei emerged from the car and quickly stretched out his back with a hiss of relief just as Kyojuro popped the trunk, leaning into it. A moment later he reemerged holding two giant paper bags in his arms. With the amount of food you ended up working late into the night before to work on, you had to stuff them all into three giant bags in order to hold it all. You went to go retrieve the third bag but Gyomei had beaten you too it already picking it up into his arms and closing the trunk. 

Wordlessly, you followed Kyojuro as he nodded his head towards the home. You both took his initiative and walked up to the doorway where you were slightly surprised when Kyojuro just struggled to hoist the bag up into his arms to free one hand and just opened up the door without knocking. Sure his boyfriend (and girlfriends) lived here but you expected him to knock first before he just waltzed on in. Followed by Gyomei and then yourself timidly looking inside.

"WE'RE HERE!!"

"It's about time, Kyojuro! What the hell took you so long?!", Sanemi's voice demanded from inside the house. He didn't see you until Gyomei moved out of the way and he quickly paused, annoyed frown disappearing immediately upon seeing you. "Oh..Well nevermind then. It was for a good cause."

"Y/N'S HERE!!" Mitsuri gasped turning around from where she sat watching something on the TV.

"Hi, Everyone!," you greeted with a slightly tired smile and wave. "Sorry if we're late. It was my fault for sleeping in."

You looked around as you spoke and inside was a...Regular living room?? When the door gave away you weren't sure what you were expecting but a regular looking living room wasn't it. It had a regular second hand looking leather couch facing a decently sized TV mounted to the wall, along with a few shelves against the opposite walls covered in knick knacks next to a coat wrack, along with two doorways. One looking like it lead into another hallway and the other looking like it lead into a kitchen area. It-....wasn't fancy?? Certainly wasn't expecting that. With the location of the home you had thought you would be walking into one of those rich people's houses you'd seen in the movies. 

You managed to push your gaze back to everyone else in the room only to be met with a pink and green blur, one moment later you were being bear hugged by a squealing Mitsuri. "EEEEE!!! IM SO HAPPY YOU GOT INVITED! WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!"

"Good to see you too, Mitsuri." You patted her sides with your arms pinned by her. "Sorry again for being late." 

"Don't apologize." Sanemi approached getting off the wall he had been leaning on and gently prying his partner off you. "C'mon, Mits. You're suffocating 'er."

A sigh of relief escaped you as the bear trap hug was released allowing you to breath. "Thank you.'' You took another look around finding most of everyone still watching the movie playing and Kyojuro hoisting the bags into his arms more. Oh right. You should probably hand out everything already. "Sanemi.' He rose a brow at you. "I got your the ohagi you asked for."

He perked up immediately. "Shit. Really?"

You nodded. "Hang on a second." Gyomei blinked as you shuffled past Mitsuri and just grabbed the giant bag out of his hands. Paper crinkling sounds reached his ears as you just shoved your hand inside, digging around until you pulled out a small box out and handed it over to an expectant Sanemi.

"Fuck yeah!" Taking it in his hands, a sweet scent filled his lungs as he inhaled and sighed out. "That's the good stuff."

"Mitsuri, here's all the deserts you wanted." She squealed out as you just handed her the bag, no doubt she'll have already eaten everything before you girls go out for Makio's planned shopping spree, and then you turned to Kyojuro. He didn't say anything as you took a whole second bag, walked over, and plopped it into Giyuu's arms. "This is for you two. I tried a few European dishes I found online so hopefully it tastes good."

Giyuu blinked looking down into the bag before looking up at you and smiled. Surprising Obanai next to him so much the masked man dropped the TV remote. "Thank you so much. I'm sure Shino and I will love it."

You smiled turning back around and noticed something you didn't see at first glance. There was lots of paintings along the walls. Small paintings, big paintings, landscapes of cities and nature, one giant portrait of Kanae, another one of two portraits of people you didn't know, one abstract art, tie dye you think, and a few other art forms you were unfamiliar with but each one looked more beautiful than the last. Until you got to one painting in particular.

It was the biggest painting you've ever seen. About a yard wide and as long and tall as a full length mirror. Probably because the painting WAS of a mirror. A beautiful full length mirror with a golden frame sat upon a heavenly landscape of clouds and sunset coloring, it's reflection carried on through a small stream originating from the base and threatening to carry away the stars falling from the sky around it. After a moment Kyojuro blinked at your awed stare and turned his head to see exactly what you were looking at.

"Ah!" Realization caused him to perk up. "I see you've noticed one of Tengen's more larger pieces."

"It's beautiful." You stared in awe at it.  "How could someone do that with just paint alone?"

"Flashy ain't it?" Both you and Giyuu jumped and whirled around only to make eye contact with wine red eyes as Tengen smiled down at you both from the doorway behind you leaning against it's frame. "I call it Mirrored Dreams. Part of a project I did back in my first year of Uni."

How did he sneak up on you without you hearing him?! Once the initial shock wore off you sighed before smiling at him in greeting. "It's really beautiful. Where did you get the idea for it?"

He shrugged. "Had a really weird fever dream after reading Through The Looking Glass and eating bad take out. Though I'm not complaining about the outcome of it since it is one of my favorite pieces." Leaning off the doorframe he made his way past you both into the room, walking a little bit sluggish and tired. 

"I think it's a really beautiful piece, Tengen," you complimented him with a smile. He took pause to look back at you as you did so. "You're a very talented painter."

He huffed a chuckle after a moment. "Thanks. I like to think I'm pretty decent at it."  He turned back to Kyojuro which made you blink again tilting your head at his form. "Hey, Best Buddy. Finally decided to join the party huh?"

He nodded back to him. "INDEED!! Apologies for our lateness!*

"Eh. Don't mention it." A hand tiredly reached out to rub his face. "Makio's almost ready to go so...you guys can just hang out here until she's ready."

Again he nodded. "Sounds like a plan! Then we can all decorate for the party when they come back!"

Tengen nodded mumbling something you couldn't make out before he yawned and shuffled towards the kitchen area past Kyojuro. "Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable." He waved a hand behind him as he disappeared. "I'm gonna get me some coffee."

You watched as he fully disappeared into the kitchen before slowly turning to Giyuu in question. "Hey..Is he ok?" Giyuu hummed in question turning to you. Your arm gestured towards the kitchen. "Tengen. He seems pretty down today." Usually he'd greet you with a flirt or big cheeky grin when you both spoke, but he seemed tired and a bit upset. 

"Oh. He's just been going through a bad patch of art block recently," he explained, "Don't worry. It's nothing that he hasn't gone through before. He's usually mopey and tired during these patches."

"Like you, Tomioka?"

Giyuu shot Obanai a look. "What are you talking about? I'm happy right now."

Obanai stared at Giyuu's unchanging expression as you calmly reached into Giyuu's bag before pulling out one Tupperware container and walked over to Kyojuro. "Uh..You are?"

"Yes. Can't you tell?"

"Uh ..I'm going back to the movie."

A paper crinkling sound went off as you took the bag from Kyojuro and peered inside. F/c eyes peered into the kitchen area... before you slowly walked into the kitchen after Tengen. However you were surprised when you saw the state of the kitchen. Like the living room it seemed rather normal with a stovetop oven combo, a microwave, and what looked like a hand me down table and chairs. Not as fancy or 'state of the art' as you were expecting to find. Maybe Tengen didn't like showing off his wealth?

Speaking of the art major, you found him with his back back towards you in front of a countertop. 

SNIFF.

You blinked at the sounds of a sniffing noise before his arm reached up to you guessed rub at his face before his other arm reached up to open the cabinet above him. Tengen just pulled out the first cup his hand touched without bothering to close it. The hot coffee pot lifted up to poor the black liquid into the porcelain mug as the smell of French vanilla bean frappe filled his senses. The hot stinging liquid burning his tongue when he gulped it down. Adding a sense of warmth to his body he desperately craved.

A sigh escaped his lips as the cup lowered from his lips. "Gods I needed that."

"Tengen?" 

"SHIT-!!" The hot cup fumbled in his hands as he fumbled to not drop it before whirling around to your face.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." You took a step back to give him space as he blinked at you. "I just...W-Wanted to thank you for inviting me is all. I appreciate it." You decided not to comment on the pink around his eyes 

Quickly he wiped at his face and plastered on a smile towards you. "Oh. H-Hey, Pretty Lady! Aw. You don't gotta thank me. Any girl of Mei's is welcome here!"

Your brows furrowed. "Right. Are you..ok?"

"Fit as a fiddle! Why wouldn't I be?"

You decided not to comment on the fact that he looked like he was about to cry before placing the Tupperware container on the table and sliding it over to him. "Here. Looks like you could use a good meal. Whenever I was upset my Aunt used to cook me my favorite snack to cheer me up."

"Upset? Pfft. Who's upset?" He asked waving off a hand as your brow rose higher at him. "It's my wife's birthday today! There's nothing to be upset about!"

".... It's beef sukiyaki." You continued opening up the top and nudging it over to him more as he blinked. "Eat if. You'll feel better with a nice warm meal in your stomach. And before I forget I made you this." He still watched silently as you reached into the paper bag you still held before pulling out a second small container and held it out to him. "Here. I made this for you."

...For a long moment he said nothing. Tengen looked at the box, then at you, then back to the box... before he slowly took it from you, staring at it a little bit more before talking. "What is it?"

"Homemade rock candy. Kyojuro mentioned it was your favorite candy." His eyes snapped back to you. "I was already making some for Mitsuri and I figured you'd like some too." You smiled at him brightly. "I hope you get free of your art block soon. I'd love to see more of your paintings!" Your arms held up the last bag. "In the meantime I'd better get Makio the present I made her before we leave. Thanks again for inviting me, Tengen."

He said nothing as you turned around to exit the kitchen, ironically bumping into the women in question finally coming downstairs to join the crowd only to be met with you hopping over to them with a bag of goodies to pass out. Eventually the man blinked again slowly looking back to the box in his hands and going to lift up the top to peer inside. What he was met with was the sunlight hitting the rocky, jagged surface of what looked like multicolored gems. Glittering with the light bouncing off and enticing him to eat them. He did. Reaching in slowly to break off a peace of a large red chunk just as Suma's voice squealed out.

"Choco cornets!"

The red gen glittered between his thumb and pointer finger before he decided to pop it into his mouth and chew down. "Huh...Cherry. Doesn't taste too bad."  Wind red eyes looked at the other open container next. The smells of beef, mushrooms, and a few other ingredients wafted from it as he leaned down to inhale it's scent only to him. "Whaddya know. Smells good."

Suma was absolutely destroying the choco corners you made her as Makio was thanking you for the homemade custard pudding you gifted her when he bothered to reach in and pull out a warm piece of stewed beef before also popping it into his mouth. Huh... That tasted pretty good too! Pretty nice of her to gift it to him. As he ate, he curiously pulled out another rock candy to examine. Dark blue. Wonder what this tasted like. Blue raspberry? Blueberry? Grape maybe? These sparkled like real gems almost. Kinda reminded him of all the pretty blue jewelry Suma always-....

Wait a dam minute-

His head perked up wide eyed. Eyes snapping back to the living room. Gems and beauty. And not just any beauty.

INNER BEAUTY. THE MOST PURE RAW KIND OF BEAUTY THAT ONLY THE PURE OF HEARTS HAD.

"THAT'S IT!" 

The box of colorful candy was tossed to the side as a raw desperation busted throughout his chest and took ahead of his legs, carrying him to the living room with such speed it startled everyone else inside. Only one person caught his interest however as f/c eyes turned to him surprised.

"YOU!!"

You jumped dropping the now empty paper bag as Tengen was suddenly looming over you with a focused, tense look in his eyes and his hands gently grabbed your cheeks.

"You're perfect. YOU'VE GOT TO BE MY NEXT MUSE!!"

....You blinked. "What?"

[thelilylav]

Y'know what? Fuck it (gives u guys a list of poc artists to listen to cause the white ppl on the music side of tumblr have been embarassing me)

List is under the cut, and warning bc I made it very long

Rock:

Los Abuelos De La Nada

Gesu No Kiwami Otobe

Chuck Berry

Ben E. King

Los Prisoneros

Ahmed Fakroun (ok this one's french art rock but in my book it still counts)

Burnout Syndromes (been fucking w them since I got into Haikyuu lmao)

Infinity Song (their hater song genuinely gets me every time LMAO)

People in the Box

N.E.R.D (my god if u don't know them.. idk dude my brother has been obsessed w them for forever so i just was not getting away regardless lol)

Punk/Punk Rock (& other punk subgenres):

Nova Twins (u must listen to them it's just the way it's gotta be guys)

Rina Sawayama (her hatred of Matty Healy is so attractive. i cannot believe i found her two years ago cause i still remember i would not shut up when i first heard her music it was so good)

BABYMETAL (the way their band name just straight up screams at people gets me every time lmaooo)

Indie:

The Younger Lovers

Mashrou Leila

Stella Jang

Shak SYrn (Jenni is on repeat in my room at any given moment)

Steve Lacy (if u listen to more than just Bad Habit u will find an actuall amazing discography)

Jenny Nuo (i have been OBSESSED w her music since like 2021 ish and it is a crime she hasn't blown up more imo)

Nujabes

Hemlocke Springs (oooo i hate that she does not get more love!!! synth pop and alt indie is such a fun niche like!!!)

Lyn Lapid (in my head she's huge but i have recently learned that artists i think r super popular may be unknown to an entire genre of ppl soo)

Megagonefree (found them on ig and omg!! PLS go check them out genuinely)

boa (i am once again shaming u if u don't know them)

Wallice

JAZZ (in all caps bc I fucking LOVE jazz no it's not dead go listen to jazz rn motherfuckers):

Idris Muhammad

Esperanza Spalding

Joanna Wang (ok she does pop and folk music too but idk she felt most appropriate here)

SAMARA JOY (put. some. respect. on. her. name. i would actually go to war for her i am not kidding. also this is in all caps bc MY MOM GOT TO SEE HER LIVE??? AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE WAS PLS I WAS SO MAD OMGGG but i've been promised tickets next time so we're good)

Sade (my og one and only)

Funk:

Fadoul

George Clinton (i mean he's just a classic yknow)

Parliament (Give Up the Funk can make me dance like no other i swear)

Stevie Wonder (i mean.. like if we're on the topic of classics anyway then...)

Michael Jackson/The Jackson 5 (moreso his earlier stuff if my memory isn't lying to me.. look it's been a second since i listened to mj IM SORRY i am a busy person ok TT)

R&B:

Valerie June

Maxine Nightingale (if u don't listen to her... how do u have fun? actual question i put her on every time i need to feel happy atp)

Boney. M (technically they're reggae but they also count as R&B so idk.. i'm just putting them here if anyone wants me to move them later i will)

Amahla (Ca Suffit was so good and got me to check out the rest of her music, YOU SHOULD TOO!!)

Mary J Blige (not to judge but like... if u don't know THE queen then idk how to help you tbh)

SZA (wouldn't be a list without her in it tbh. i'm in love w her not even joking abt that)

Kali Uchis (to this day i cannot believe i saw her live i'm truly never getting a better moment than that omggg i have such a big crush on her anyway)

Aupinard (if ever u need to just vibe, this is the man u go to.)

Wejdene (TU PARLES AVEC UNE ANISSA MA MOI J'APPELLE WEJDENE- she's been my day 1 since i was like thirteen i can't even lie)

Annisse (just found out she only has like ~500 listeners on spotify??? apparently i'm one of them tho lmao so yeah go get that number up guys i love her too much for this disrespect)

Sister Sledge

Cheryl Lynn

Reggae:

Daddy Yankee (he's an honourable mention cause i couldn't not lmao)

Skindred (they're a reggae/metal fusion band and i will shut up abt them when i'm dead bc Nobody rewired my brain chemistry!!)

Manu Chao

Toquinho (i was so convinced this man was bossa nova but apparently he is reggae and i need to do some music theory review)

Folk:

Sushi Soucy (oh the things I Deserve to Bleed had me going thru in 2020/2021)

Miriam Makeba (Pata Pata should be enough to get anyone listening to her, just saying)

Lead Belly (do urself a favour and do some research on this man, i'm not kidding even if u don't like folk music u should know abt him- ESPECIALLY if u like Nirvana that'll make sense later trust)

Pop:

Corinne Bailey Rae (she has so much good music that gets ignored bc of Put Your Records On so.. yeah go listen to Black Rainbows she's only gotten better as time goes on lol)

Dru (he is for any person who likes ke$ha. i'm so serious he is early 2000s in a bottle and i love his music ur rlly missing out if u ignore him)

Monique Hasbun (found her recently! she's a Palestinian, Mexican and Salvadorian artist who plays around with Latin pop and does a lot of fusion music. she's dope go listen to her fr)

Mohammad Assaf (he made the Palestine song that's been going around ig a lot, but his other stuff is great as well. he's another Palestinian artist, so once again, go check him out!!)

Pinkpanthress (i LOVE her she's so much fun to just vibe to and idk how anyone couldn't have heard of her atp but then again this is the sight that didn't know who drake was so... sigh. go listen to her if u don't already!!)

Aliyah's Interlude (BROOO if u haven't heard of her actually go listen rn i'm so serious she is so good i can'ttttt ok bye)

Veondre (had a collab w Aliyah on It Girl and is gonna be releasing her own music very soon! she's trans too so go give her some love)

Shalco (wasn't sure whether to put him here or in hip hop, but his stuff is very very good either way)

Ado (she's j-pop but it's a form of pop so into the pop category she goes)

Moon (she's got two songs out rn, Moonlight and Seoul City Drift, and both r going on loop in my head at all times)

Jay Chou (call me a basic bitch idc he's good ok)

Atarashii Gakko! (i wouldn't say they're j-pop, but google did, so i'm just going w it lol)

flowerovlove (just trust me on this one)

El Tio Gamboin (Los Gatitos is such a cute song)

Grace Chang (see note for Jay Chou)

King Gnu (for all my j-pop lovers... come get ur man)

Salsa:

Lalo Rodriguez (included this genre specifically so i could mention him)

Adalberto Santiago

Roberto Roena (he's a classic i can't lie)

Hector Lavoe (i think he might be the most popular one in this genre lol)

City Pop (this is its own genre bc i literally did a presentation in high school abt it and i'll be damned if i don't flex my knowledge now):

Mariya Takeuchi

Miki Matsubara (my QUEEN my everything my-)

Anri

Taeko Onuki (one of my most listened to artists last yr for a Reason)

Kaoru Akimoto

Kingo Hamada

Jun Togawa

Bossa Nova:

Joao Gilberto (ooo he gets me every time i fucking love this man)

Elizeth Cardoso

Johnny Alf (forgot this man the first time around my bad BUT he's called the father of bossa nova for a reason so)

Hip Hop:

Flyana Boss (they're sooooo good i actually can't gush enough i have never felt so girlypop listening to music before go listen to them!! found the duo through ig so yeah if u want go follow them on there too to show support)

Lil Uzi Vert (for any emo lovers, go check out his song Werewolf with Bring Me the Horizon it is SO GOOD)

Samyra (she's slowly curing my body dysmorphia lol)

Yame (there's an accent on the e but idk how to do that on tumblr. anyway my ass loves french rap and before him i was stuck with klub des loosers so he saved my faith in the genre i can't even lie)

Lay Bankz (u cannot be chronically online and not have heard Ick yet, but i'm repping her regardless bc SHE'S SO GOOD)

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (HEAR ME OUT-)

Kaliii (Area Codes was one of my most listened to songs last year... as it should be tbh)

Miguel (he does R&B too i just first listened to him bc of his collab w J.Cole sooo)

Tyler the Creator (putting him on here just to brag abt getting to see him in concert lmao)

XXXTentacion (he has been mourned and talked abt an insane amount, but he deserves it i'm not even gonna joke on this one. his artistry is insane and he deserves some love if u haven't listened to him yet)

Kendrick Lamar (i mean i've been reblogging stuff abt him enough. Mr. Morale was actually the album that made me start Listening listening to him and i'm honestly glad it was bc that album is still my favourite to this day if i'm being totally honest)

Renaissauce (criminally and i do mean CRIMINALLY underrated)

[imaginespazzi]

Forget jealous Paige, how do we think poor KK's dealing with the fact that her father and sister were literally vibing to her song WITHOUT her 😭

Alright unserious unedited chaotic family drabble because I feel like procrastinating. Like I'm not even joking this is the most random thing I've ever written so read at your own discretion:

It's way too early in the morning when Paige's phone rings, making both her and Ice groan.

"KK what the fuck," Paige asks groggily, wiping at bleary eyes as a furious KK's face fills her phone screen.

"You said you didn't have a favorite child. LIAR," KK yells.

"Oh my god KK," Ice whines from across the room, "please shut the fuck up. My head is pounding."

"GOOD! TO MY SONG?" KK pays no attention, still as loud as ever, "HOW COULD YOU? BOTH OF YOU FUCKING TRAITORS."

"Bro you knew we were going," Paige sighs, sitting up properly.

"That's not the point. You know what give me one second. AZZI. AZZI. AZZI," and then KK's off running, blurry on Paige's screen as she yells for Azzi.

"Oh my god what? What?" Azzi's concerned voice comes through the phone, a smile replacing her frown when KK thrusts the phone in her face, "oh, hi P!"

Before a now grinning Paige can reply, KK cuts her off, "no! Don't hi P her. Did you see Ice's live? They been having the time of our lives without us. THEY WERE VIBING TO MY SONG. MY SONG AZZI!"

"Uh they're quite literally there to get drunk and party, we knew this," Azzi says, trying to hide a smile.

"Again not the point," KK sighs exasperatedly.

"What is the point KK," Paige asks with a tired yawn, "get to it then."

"The point is that you two are getting divorced and I'm finding myself a new stepfather. I will not be tolerating this disrespect," KK says firmly.

"Excuse me," Paige says shrilly, "I do not agree to a divorce."

"You don't have to. Mothers do what's best for their children and Azzi's gonna do what's best for me. Right Azzi?" KK glares at Azzi who sighs exasperatedly.

"You're both aware that you're not actually my husband and child right?"

"Excuse you," Paige screeches at the same time as KK gasps dramatically and Azzi has to mentally prevent herself from sighing again.

"Okay alright, divorce yes okay," Azzi gives in, KK squeals and this time Paige is glaring.

"Wow. It's that easy huh? Guess all of those years meant nothing to you."

Azzi shakes her head, trying to hide her smile at Paige's mock offense.

"And now to find a stepfather," KK says triumphantly and then her eyes light up with a glint as a blonde walks in, "KATE!"

Kate looks like a deer caught in the headlight as she walks cautiously towards an over-excited KK and a slightly mortified Azzi, "uhhh hi?"

"I have a very important question for you Kate," KK says with all the seriousness of the world, "are you married?"

"Uh....no?" Kate answers, confused at that line of questioning, as Azzi hides her face in her palms.

"KK what the fuck are you doing?" Paige yells at her phone, suddenly very unamused by this whole thing.

"Ssssh P-boogers, I'm about to perform a wedding."

"Umm what?" poor Kate asks, looking at Azzi for help, not used to the insanity that is the UConn women's team. To be honest, she's not fully sure if all of this is a joke.

"You and Azzi are getting married and then you're going to adopt me," KK says firmly.

"I swear we're normal people....most of the time," Azzi tries to reassure Kate.

"Dearly beloved, or unbeloved since it's Paige and Ice, I guess, we are here today to marry these two women," KK begins and then looks at Azzi and Kate who are standing a feet apart, "uh hello? You have to hold hands."

Paige splutters, "Martin I don't know you that well but if you hold her hand I swear to God."

"Oh calm down ex-father," KK fires back, "let me get my new parents married in peace. Now since there are no objections-"

"I OBJECT," Paige yells, turning to a sleeping Ice who's trying to block out the noise using a pillow, "ICE your mother is getting married to someone else, get the fuck up and come here and object with me."

"Your objections don't count because you're liars and traitors. MY SONG. MY FUCKING SONG."

"Bro you're all I was thinking about I swear," Paige pleads, "after every Bow, I was like oh my god KK would have loved this. I missed you every second I'm sorry."

"Sorry is not good enough," KK says petulantly.

"I got you a signed autograph. It was gonna be a surprise but you need to know. I swear KK, I would have had so much more fun if it was with you bro. It just wasn't the same."

"Oh that makes me feel great. Thanks Paige." Ice mumbles from under the sheets.

"ONE MAD CHILD AT A TIME THANK YOU," Paige says exasperatedly.

KK contemplates Paige's words for a moment before turning to Kate.

"I'm sorry Kate. It looks like this wedding can't go on. It's not you. It's us. Hope you understand," she says with a solemn expression, "but I already have a father and she's great. A little stupid sometimes but great."

Kate nods dumbstruck, unsure what had just happened in the last couple of minutes but she's pretty sure she's just been dismissed.

"FATHER," KK yells turns her face back to her phone, "I missed you. Let's never fight again. That was the worst 10 minutes of my life."

"SON SON," Paige shouts with glee, "let's never do that again."

Azzi pinches the bridge of her nose, wondering how she'd let this become her life.

"If the two of you are done, can I go back to rehab now?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

Paige narrows her eyes at Azzi through the phone, "were you about to get married to someone else?"

Oh boy here we go again

[quill-of-thoth]

The Saga of Great Uncle Asshole And The Priest From Hell

It's thanksgiving (in the US) so have a family gathering disaster that is old enough to be funny. Almost a decade ago, after a life of stirring up drama everywhere she went, my grandmother died. She was an unhappy woman who tried to be better to her grandkids than she was to her kids, and didn't always succeed, and she's the reason that when I smell cinnamon tic tacs they're accompanied by the reek of an illusory cigarette. This is not a sad post. This is a post about the fact that her funeral was a fucking disaster and it was ultimately about 50% her fault. See, my whole family was at one point or another catholic. Grandma really enjoyed going to church in her last years because it got her out of the nursing home, and priests have to listen when you tell them about the husband you divorced and the children who think they know better than you. Grandma did not consider the fact that the local priest she'd latched onto like a talkative moray eel in a cloud of nicotine smoke was an unmitigated bigot. She left instructions that she wanted her funeral to be at that specific catholic church and for that priest to do the sermon. It didn't occur to her that the person who would be organizing her funeral would be her gay daughter and her daughter's wife.

Shit started getting real about when the doors opened to recieve mourners. Over the course of ten minutes, my aunt summoned:

her elder sister, a paralegal

my father, who has never seen a conflict he would not cheerfully walk away from

Their younger brother, in order to swear at the priest

My mother, who hadn't had a good opportunity to fight a priest since we left our own church and was game to do it again.

This left me, the eldest grandchild, in charge of the receiving line, despite the fact that I knew approximately no one there. My brother and cousins were woodenly shaking hands and then whispering "who's that?" "I don't know." My aunt's husband was escorting the elderly and infirm up the stairs one at a time. My uncle's wife was also around but she knew even fewer people and was mostly listening at the door of the ongoing argument.

So when my brother and Boy cousin went to see if we could pry someone who knew who was related to us out of the argument and I was busy trying to convince an octegenarian that she did NOT need to figure out which of her cousins had married one of grandma's siblings before sitting down, Girl Cousin was alone at the door.

Great Uncle Asshole arrived in a storm of curses and a faux-coonskin cap. He blew past Girl Cousin, thumped his cane up the steps, and seized my hand. It was like shaking hands with an extremely strong mummy. "You look just like your mother! It's the hair, what a bird's nest. Where's your daddy? And the rest of Helen's brood."

I muttered something about them finalizing details with the priest.

"Well, they'll come see me soon enough. Bet you don't know who I am!" I didn't know who anyone was. Everyone older than me was having a verbal cage match with a member of the clergy or escorting some other old fogey to their seats, everyone younger than me had even fewer clues, and my only hope was to wrap this conversation as fast as possible. "Nope!" I said, "I haven't seen most of the people here in years." If I had ever seen them in the first place. He was going to be mad, but I figured if I had to be the bouncer I could probably take an eighty-something year old guy who breathed like the surgeon general's personal warning to smokers. I could at least shut the door on him.

"Of course you wouldn't! Your gran wouldn't have told you. I'm your great uncle Roger, and I'm here to bury the hatchet, by which I mean your grandma! She and I swore over our father's casket we'd never be under the same roof again while we both lived, and by god I kept my oath!" People were starting to stare, and it was at this moment that a thirty-something man in a suit sprinted up the stairs, and my uncle's wife, with a look of dawning horror, called her husband. "Roger's here." The middle aged folks descended immediately. Here is a snapshot of the ensuing conversation: "Roger, why don't we find you a seat?" - my mother in her best teacher voice "Glad to see you're doing well enough to make it" - My father, in his best 'good god I want to be anywhere else' voice. "Take me to the coffin! I want to see her with my own two eyes!" - Great Uncle Asshole, "And hang up my **** hat! Killed it myself!" "I'm so sorry, I didn't know he could walk that fast" - strange suit man "If you are QUITE finished, I am starting the ceremony in ten minutes" - the priest

As my father and his brother towed a grinning and cursing old man to the furthest reaches of the family section, my mother and my oldest aunt caught all the cousins up on the argument with the priest. My youngest aunt was still crying while her wife stared fixedly at the stained glass panes and periodically handed over tissues. The upshot of it all was that my aunt and her wife would be allowed to attend the funeral (on pain of the whole family literally walking out on the priest) but would not be allowed to take communion, because the priest didn't believe in their marriage. My aunt's wife had neglected to point out that, being Jewish, she wasn't going to take communion anyway. "That's fucked" said boy cousin, and the four of us immediately resolved in whispers to refuse communion as well. The priest opened his sermon with pointed remarks about the older generation's devotion and respect for the church. He continued on through psalms and all that until he got to the blessing of the eucharist and asked the family up to receive communion. My father, who hadn't taken communion since I could remember, stayed seated. My mother stayed seated. My aunts and uncles stayed seated. The cousins stayed seated. About a third of the church didn't move. "Well father, I'll have mine! These young folks think hey have all the time in the world to get right with the lord, but you and I know better!" The priest, who had been visibly hoping god would smite us, turned a wincing glare on my great uncle and the series of distant relatives and nursing home neighbors who were now shuffling up. The service dragged on. We were lined up to say goodbye to everyone, while the suit man (who would turn out to be my second cousin) bodily hauled great uncle asshole and his coonskin cap down the stairs. "I should have known my sister wouldn't manage to raise any good Catholics! Horrible woman." he said loudly as he was stuffed into a car driven by suit man's apparent twin. The priest approached as we were finally ready to leave, to ask why we were so stubborn that we deprived ourselves of communion. After all, unlike my youngest aunt, we weren't obvious sinners! "Oh, I'm Lutheran" - My eldest aunt. "I'm an atheist" - My uncle "I don't think you're qualified to bless anything." - My mother, who learned her religion primarily from a horde of socialist-leaning nuns.

With that, we left the wreck of my grandmother's funeral behind. "Helen," said my mother, very deliberately, when we were safely in the car, "would have HATED that." My dad started laughing. "Are you kidding? She would have loved that! It would have been all she complained about for years!"