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kkulmoon · 4 years

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SUGAR & SALT | The First Snow Has Melted (2)

pairing(s): rich boy!kim taehyung x baker!reader (f) + park jimin x named OC & kim seokjin x named OC

genre: angst (?), slice of life, romance, smut (later chapters), slow burn, fluff (occasional), s2l, e2l, countryside-ish au

word count: 6.7k

rating: pg

a/n: i took way too long to update this 🤡(it won’t happen again 🥺) and i am doing so with such a shitty chapter lol but hey at least I managed to finish it. also thank you to my lovely beta reader for giving me much needed advice about where i should go with this, @scvkjin, angie you’re truly an angel 💕😭

warnings: some swearing

synopsis: You’re a small town baker, whose business is on the line following questionable decisions made by your town’s political board. You decide to take action in order to salvage your reputation as the town’s favourite baker.

What you didn’t expect was to fight for your precious secular life that keeps being invaded by the best friend of the owner of your rivalling bakery, Taehyung. He also happens to be the one in charge of your lack sugar, due to a minor (depending on the point of view) mistake, though he’s known as quite the conscientious count.

You’re a baker.

A bad one, it seems. Even with Taehyung, Jimin, Seokjin and Ada, the finest products and tools at your disposal, you seem to cook up a disappointing dish. So whose fault is it really?

☁︎ previous chapter ☁︎

The journey back is just as agonising if not more. You keep your eyes closed in hopes of catching some sleep but all in vain.

Thump! Taehyung's legs are about to drive you insane. You move your jacket's hoodie to cover your ears, hoping he gets the memo. He keeps going. It is really annoying but you don’t you feel like telling him to stop and possibly make him more anxious than he already was, so you hold out. A few minutes pass by and he seems to calm himself, so you decide to take down your hood. To your right Ada's head lays on Jimin shoulders as their chest oscillate, up and down, at a steady rhythm.

You're brought back to your high school days, when the two fell in love for the first time. Jimin was your go-to friend, who also happened to be your only friend. Ada was, and still is, a hopeful admirer in disguise. It's actually quite hard for you to comprehend how two people can be so obvious about their feelings while simultaneously being negligent about the subject of their affection.

You shake your head. You've reached the threshold for your daily analysis of your best friends' relationship. You shift in your seat and dangle your feet. The boredom is crippling and the humid air in the bus is making your hair frizzy.

"Arghhhhhh!"

Itching for some action , you turn to your right and say, "What's the matter?"

"Is everyone in Warringham like you?" Taehyung wonders. He stares straight at you making you tilt your head back to the left.

While you're glad at the increase in activity, you aren't sure that being indirectly insulted is the type of action you are currently looking for. But there's nothing better for you to do. Indulging in some self deprecation wouldn't be too bad given your recent behaviour.

"If you're referring to being hostile, then not so much," you say, thinking about the new bakery that recently open across from yours, "but they are weary, change isn't really an appreciated thing."

"So they don't like outsiders?" he pushes.

"No and yes. Outsiders that are trying to change things, that's what they don't appreciate."

Taehyung drags his hand down his face. "Goodness gracious, I guess I will have to deal with the backlash at some point."

You could have told Taehyung that backlash in Warringham is more like rage. However you don't feel like that is your responsibility, so you hold your mouth shut. You're sure Jimin would have his back. Brotherly love or whatnot.

"By the way, why are you asking me this," you add, "don't you already live in Warringham?"

"Well yeah, technically, but it hasn't been that long. I had only been there for about two weeks before I followed Jimin here. I didn't have much to do so I stayed in for the most part."

You truly want to scoff at Taehyung's reply but you think of one word: Jimin. People truly do live different lives. You wish you had the privilege of staying at home. You wish your mom and your brother had the privilege of staying at home. Maybe things would have turned out different for you. Maybe you would have been different and befriending Taehyung wouldn't feel like combing your hair while it's dry, meaning impossible.

"Why did you move to Warringham anyways?"

You raise your eyebrows while bracing yourself. This should be a good one.

"I needed some change. I got bored of the city, as one does, and a friend needed some help," he says matter of factly.

"Ahhh, exactly as one does." You nod as the sides of your lips drag down.

To feign familiarity with such a concept is all you can do at the moment. Your lives and reasoning are being revealed to be so diametrically opposed, you doubt that your individual bonds to Jimin would be enough to allow the two of you to connect.

You try to find a way to end the conversation. Talking to Taehyung only seems to involve judgement one way or the another. Taehyung's body shifts towards you. You guess he's in a talkative mood, now that he has calmed down. But you are not, at least not anymore.

So you pull your hood up back onto your head. For the first time since you bought the jacket, you're happy it's too big for you. That way you get to avoid glancing or being glanced at by unwanted subjects. The rest of the ride back is silent, just as before. Lucky for you it's nothing unusual, just how you like it.

Quick and heavy steps sound against the gravel in front of your porch. You would already be on your bed hugging your phone by now had it not been for you having to drag both yours and Ada's suitcases into the house.

Apparently her and Jimin needed some privacy. For what? You really don't know, what else would they need to talk about? They have been attached at their hips for the past two weeks one could almost think that she went on vacation with him and not you. In fact, that’s probably what people thought. You remember catching elderly couples and young parents glancing cutely at the pair.

She had said, and you remember it clearly: 'This will be a time for me and you to simply relax and have fun together. Make some new golden memories in a shitty place’.

Lies, lies, lies.

You remind yourself to not easily cave in next time she suggests you do a common activity. That isn't even the worst part. You were made to leave your beloved work phone. It’s not that you didn’t believe in your staff, but the bakery is the only thing you’re remotely passionate about. Your life revolves around it, leaving it behind even for just two weeks, was a harder task that you thought it would be.

You huff as you use the little of your remaining force to lift Ada's suitcase up the few stairs on your porch. For someone who seemed to have worn pretty much the same clothes during your stay at Punniton her bag sure was heavy. Or it must probably be all the baggage she carries from her failed romantic endeavours. Yes, you just said that, because once again, yes you're that type of friend. Loving, supporting but judgemental and blunt nonetheless.

You strut all the way to your room while the odd bone crack disturbs you. For all the money you paid for your stay at Punniton you sure as hell deserved better beds. Bed with wire lattices? Come on, it's not like we were going to boarding school.

You may need to leave a bad yelp review. It was your seventh year there after all, you're bound to feel entitled to some things at some point. Anyways, it's not like yelp reviews really count to anyone outside of the city, so you'll simply just write one to satisfy your own petty behaviour.

You walk to the end of your room to open the window. The air is stale and mixed with another scent that you can't quite catch. You turn to face your bedside table. HA! On it there is a moldy orange. The orange you should have taken taken with you for the train ride to Punniton.

With a pair of scissors at your disposal you poke into the orange. Something you soon realise you shouldn't have done now that there's a small puddle of orange juice on your table. You hurry into the kitchen to throw it away. While you're at it you glance outside through the kitchen window. What are they talking about?

Ada's head turns towards you and you duck as fast as you can. You creepily lift your head back up to find that they are kissing. The creases that form on your forehead would be able to be seen from miles away. You're also sure that someone could inspect the back of your throat right now from how wide your mouth is open. It has been two weeks, and they are already locking lips!?

Huh, you guess it must be easy to get over a couple years of emotional trauma if you're really in love with one another. You spend some more time analysing their kiss. Was is a 'I'll see you soon 'kind of kiss, or the 'I love you but i can't tell you' kind of kiss, or the 'I have been wanting to kiss you for the last 2 weeks' kind of kiss.

For someone who claims to be trying their best to live their best life, you really are concerned with other people's problems. But how couldn't you? If you're thinking logically, which you always are, hurt Ada equals you having to mend her wounds. On top of that you would also have to deal with another strain to yours and Jimin's friendship.

So yes, them trying to get together again is just as much their business as it's yours. If things go wrong you'll be the one standing between the crossfire and while the last one was quite mild, you believe years of pent up frustration will blow up this time.

As much as you would like to keep watching them go at it, it feels too private and you're not a creep so you look away and walk back to your room. You reach for your bedside table's drawer to get a hold of your phone so you can turn it on.

There's two possible scenarios. First one, no one messaged you, in which case everything is under control. Or, no one messaged you because they either forgot or deemed whatever happened to be too serious to say over text.

The moment you type in your code while your phone tries its best to recognise the house's wifi, you're so startled you automatically get up from your bed.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Okay, so you obviously got messages and now you are scared. You navigate your way to your messages. Eight missed messages from Joe, one of your staff.

December 17th

[09:10] (Joe) Hello Y/N. So we have a problem...

[10:05] (Joe) Hello? Are you there?

[10:15] (Joe) I don't know if you're getting these messages but I'll go ahead and explain the situation.

[10:18] (Joe) So we just got an email from the municipality saying that there was an inconvenience with one of the papers you sent in for the bakery's inventory.

[10.20] (Joe) They have got everything else ordered and it should arrive on time. However, the paper for the sugar order can't be found anywhere.

December 18th

[10.35] (Joe) You haven't answered and nobody knows where you went for vacation. The only person who would know also most likely happens to be with you.

[10.38] (Joe) Since it is a time of crisis I went over your log for the bakery's inventory and rewrote a sugar order based on your notes. So I have now gone to the municipality and deposited the order papers.

December 20th

[08.20] (Joe) So the municipality just got back to us. They have said that the order is now registered however there will be a month long delay before it arrives given the fact that it was ordered during a vacation and other businesses most likely are before us in the deliveries.

This. This is why caring for things is something you try to avoid. You could do everything right from your end and yet there's no guarantee that you would at least get rewarded for that. In fact, worst case scenario you could even end up being wrongly penalised for it. That's where you are currently standing and you feel awful and betrayed. Which is a funny thing since this wasn't even done by someone you actually knew. The downside to taking things and caring for them...

Your body stays in a paralysed state as you try to rack your brain for any possible solution to the situation. The only thing you can come up with is complaining. Your staff had already done their best to lessen the damages. Now all you need is someone to dump your frustrations on so that you can feel somewhat productive and needed.

Also being head chef means showcasing the type of qualities that a leader should have so you need to come up with something to do in order to make sure that your employees don't think any less of you. Going to the municipality's building seems like the best option.

It would allow your subordinates to see your dedication to work but also allow you to complain to your heart's content. This means feeding other's expectations of you all while feeding your own ego. Two birds, one stone.

You're in the middle of typing away furiously, when Ada steps into your room, leaning against the door frame.

"By the way I thought about keeping this to myself at first but then I thought, you know what I should treat my friends the way I want them to treat me so here we go...", she starts.

"I'vechosentopursuethisthingthat'sgoingonbetweenmeandJimin,"she blurts it out and still you manage to catch everything.

That's how focused your mind was even if you are busy typing back a response to Joe, it's still on high alert.

"Uh, hellooo? Did you hear what I just said"

“Ahh uhh, got it. Capiche. Good luck”

"That's all?"

"I mean can I talk you out of it and bring up past sad memories?"

" Well, no... I would rather you not"

"Then i repeat, good luck," you take a break from your phone screen to look at her, "I really hope it works out for you this time around. They say third time's a charm, right?"

"Yeah they do....hopefully it's true for us"

It's quite rare for someone as cold as Ada to openly share her doubts when it comes to private matters. You have had to battle her in the past to get her to tell you what exactly happened between her and Jimin. You get up and walk up to her. Black hair strands tickle your shoulder before you can engulf her entire body in a big comforting hug.

"I'm just really scared."

"Take it as a good sign. You like him. At least you know you're not only halfway into it like the time you tried to date Louis just to make Jimin jealous."

You try your best to sound comforting and play the best friend part. It crossed your mind to be more harsh with her about her decision, but you decided against it. Just because you may personally have a hard time dealing with romantic matters doesn't mean you need to project that onto her.

She is going through a rough patch as it is. You make a mental note to message Jimin about the matter. Ada may not want you to talk about it with him, but still you will, not as Ada's best friend but as his.

Ada steps back from the hug and blinks hastily. "Anyways, why did you look so irritated?”

"There's some problem with the bakery's inventory so I need to go the municipality to complain," you explain.

"Just to complain?"

"I mean yeah, but also deal with the logistics of it all you know," you cough out the answer.

"Uh huh, I see. Just don't cause too much trouble or make a scene. I don't want to have to defend you in court knowing you're in the wrong."

"Yes Ma'm. I'll try," you retort mumbling the last statement.

"Alright, then we're all good. Also I ordered pizza it should be here in 20 so you can come out then."

You vigorously nod your head.

Nice fit. Head full of a mix of good arguments and well camouflaged arguments made to sound good when truthfully they are quite groundless. Throat cleared. Chin up. Power pose on. You felt like you could rule the world. Well, maybe the world is too much of an ambitious thought. You want to feel powerful but remain humble, so let's settle for Warringham. Yes, you feel like you could rule Warringham. Anyways, that not really the point. The point is:

You are ready to make a scene.

This better work. You did not get dolled up and decide to swap your sneakers for some heeled boots in order to be ignored and left high and dry. For once, you hoped that you could use humans' blatant incline for vanity and love of beautiful looking to your disposal. Your contouring better make sure you can make up for the mess that the municipality created.

You strut as gracefully as possible. The automatic doors slide open in front of you and you panic slightly at the sudden gush of air that hits your face. Your hairstyle better not get ruined. The reception is overseen by some poor intern that's looking to curb her boredom by playing with her nails or trying to figure out the different ways she could scratch her different body parts without people taking notice.

You can't help but feel like a blessing. You are about to liven up this kid's work place. The kid had exactly thirty-five seconds left of boredom. That's how long you think it will take to walk to the reception desk in the most gracious yet intimidating manner possible. The countdown starts as you take your first step.

K'duh. K'duh. K'duh. K'duh. K'duh.

You arrive at the desk, feeling even more excited. The intern's eyes are still wandering around. Yes, you feel like a superhero that could defeat all of the world's injustices but you are pretty sure invisibility isn't one of your strengths. You clear your throat.

The intern lifts her blue eyes to look at me. Eyeballs bulging out of their skull. What a way to feign interest.

"How could I help you ma'am?"

To be quite honest, you were feeling a bit sorry to have to put the intern through a scene. She probably didn't know how to deal with such situations. Or, you could just be getting cold feet. Things always sound better in theory, in your head, where they should be left.

"Uhm, yes...," you shuffle through your handbag to find your documents.

Actually, Ada's handbag. What?! You needed to match with your dolled up cover. Once you find them, you squint your eyes in hopes of catching the name on the name plate attached to her blazer.

"Yes, Vera. I'm looking to talk with the person in charge of the economics department here. Or maybe just management"

You were thinking about what sort scene to pull. On a scale from Becky to Susan how petty did you really feel being.

"I'm sorry but the concerned person is currently not in right now."

You take a long look at Vera. Is she really going to pull that move on you just because she is too lazy to go look for the person?

"Can you then check if there's someone else I could talk to?" you sneer.

"Well I would need to know what the errand is about exactly," she continues to use her service voice.

"I'm am the head baker at the municipality owned bakery, you know the one in the town centre. My orders were messed up and I need to talk to someone in charge to know how I am supposed to deal with the consequences. You know do the things that people in charge of businesses do."

"I would really love to help you ma'am, but the person in charge of economics has yet to arrive. I do not know who it is as they are starting today."

Ok, so maybe Vera was annoying but she didn't look like a liar. It must be a sign not even the world wants you to go ham with your complaints.

"Y/N?"

Who do you know that works for the municipality? You turn around to realise that it's in fact no one because you don't know the person standing in front of you. Not personally at least. But oh my my my. You wish you could get to know him physically. Que? What is wrong with you Y/N, get a grip on yourself. He may not appease your mind or your feelings, but your eyes are heaving a feast at the very moment.

"Oh hi Taehyung, fancy seeing you here?!"

'Fancy seeing you here', really!? Just because you're dolled up and everything doesn't mean you are on the same level of fancy that his city self is. Once, again get a grip Y/N.

"I would say the same but unless you work here people usually only come in if they are having problems," he says as he walks closer to you. Against your better judgement you walk closer as well.

You're facing each other, standing right in front of the reception desk. In your periphery, you can see the shift of a body. Vera must be intrigued for some reason.

"Well you hit the nail on the head. I was trying to have Vera here help me, but she says she can't," you say as you point to your left.

"It's actually they, ma'am not she," she retorts and you bite your bottom lip. Why in the heck does she keep calling you ma'am.

Taehyung turns to her, "Anytime she's here and she needs help you can just call my office phone," he says and you don't know why all of a sudden his hotness points soar through the roof as if he had collected enough coins to get a power star just like in Mario Bros. You may have a thing for people with saviour complex you realise.

"Of course, Mr...," Vera probes with a wide smile and fascinated eyes.

"Kim. Kim Taehyung"

Kim Taehyung. You mumble his name. It has a nice ring to it, you can't lie.

"Oh and I don't know what the occasion is but you look really nice," he says and you reprimand yourself for how good his statement makes you feel. Who are you? You do not need validation from anyone. No, you don't. However, deep down you know that a little appreciation, even from someone you say you don't like, goes a long way.

"Oh this...," you point at yourself, "pfft, nothing much just felt like getting dolled up." Oooh, what a big fat liar you are. And yet, you have the audacity to criticise Ada.

He nods his head at you and gives you a thumbs up. There you go again making things awkward. You can already imagine the sort of things he will tell Jimin about you and none of them are positive.

"You look good too...," your voice wanders.

You could have easily added to your statement, because unlike his, it wasn't a lie. You could hate him, which you don't. You could find him uncomfortable, which you do. But you couldn't lie about his fortune in the visual department.

Taehyung is suited up, or at least he was when he got into the building. Now, he's wearing a crisp white button down that's slightly rolled up at the wrists to showcase his watch. It resembled one of those watches you see on Antiques Road Trip. He must gotten it from his great great grandfather or something along those lines.

While you were at Punniton there hadn't been a chance for you to take a good look at Taehyung given the pile of winter clothing he had on him. So, you allow your eyes to roam lower to where his shirt is tucked inside well ironed light brown slacks.

Well ironed. Finally something non-Jimin related that you like about Taehyung. There are very few men your age that you have encountered that wear properly ironed clothes so you consider it one of the highest signs of self care. Your eyes have a mind of their own. They fixate on the movement of his hands as he moves to adjust his watch.

"What is the problem anyways?" He asks and you shoot your head back up. He didn't catch that, did he?

"Ohh I work at the bakery. I sent in the papers to stock up on inventory since it's owned by the municipality. But apparently someone from management lost the papers for the sugar inventory and now the bakery is out of sugar. I'm just here to complain about the fact that I'll need to increase the prices which will mean less bread sold and lower wages and smaller bonuses. I just find it really disrespectful given how hard we all work for the bakery and how long we've stayed while knowing we can get a better pay elsewhere just by doing half of the work"

"Huh, huh," Taehyung attempts to sound supportive.

"The situation just annoys me, A bunch of well-off people thinking that a more than a month long delay won't affect much. Like damn I have to pay rent, utilities and ten employees as well as myself," you continue your rant.

Look on the bright side, you got to vent a bit. Not that you thought Taehyung would be the one on the receiving side. You are feeling slightly better, and like your entire mission didn't completely fail. It simply took an unwanted detour. Time to get out of your head. Taehyung's fingers caress his knuckles before they go through his hair. Is he nervous?

"Wow that sounds awful, i'm sorry that happened to you," he says as he reaches into one of his pockets. That sounded... weird or even fake. But then again you couldn't expect him to understand the struggle some people face in life. His past big city life must have been so luxurious even problems took care of themselves.

"If you need any help all you need to do is ask. Any friend of Jimin's is a friend of mine."

He brings his phone out and points at it. "Duty calls. I'll see you some other time Y/N." He walks away typing furiously. Now that was also... weird. Another thing to add to the list of pros and cons you had made for Taehyung.

Pros: Jimin's friend, irons his clothes properly, weird.

Cons: annoying, big city boy, weird.

It's a tie, for now. If only you could imagine the fluctuation the future beholds. You will run out of mental space to store all of the reasons why you don't like and why you do like Kim Taehyung.

Now that he's gone, you face Vera again. Did you want to cuss her out and then leave, or did you want to cuss her, make another petty comment about appropriate workplace behaviour and then leave? You settle for neither. You already got to vent so you don't think you have it in you to go the extra mile. So you turn to your left and leave, never to return again, you hope.

The slowness at which you are going is flagrant. You removed your boots by the entrance to be met by such swollen feet you feel embarrassed for yourself. They aren't even that high neither are they too tight. You attempt to walk all the way past the kitchen and through the hallway that leads to your room but you give up less than halfway through. The couch will have to do for now.

You scroll through your social media and come across an announcement post from Jimin's account and you're reminded of his show. It premieres in four days and you remember him saying that he will leave tomorrow. God, you're so caught up in your own shit, you completely forgot about him.

[14:20] hey, what time are you catching the train tomorrow again?

[14:25] minnie 💜13:45. Trying to see when to schedule in a crying session before?

[14:27] Ha.ha.ha. You’re not that special and you already left once. I am immune now.

[14:28] minnie 💜Ooff, ouch. I am strong but I’m not made of stone y/n. That hurt 😢

[14:30] I would argue otherwise. Which is great since it brings me to the very important and touch topic we need to discuss

[14:32] minnie 💜Y/N. I heard it the first time. I am NOT going to hurt her.

[14:35] You don’t know that. She is more invested than you may think. I don’t think she can take a third fall out. So I will need you try your best, can you promise that?

[14:36] minnie 💜Promise. I’ll be honest with her tonight.

[14:36] Thank you 😌

Jimin really wishes he could tell Y/N why he is so cautious about completely confessing to Ada. It has nothing to do with him being insecure about his feelings. It is more so a matter of protecting Y/N because he knows how Ada would react in such a scenario. Maybe one day, when Y/N is ready, he will be able to let her know.

[14:38] minnie 💜speaking of Ada she told me about your sugar issue, what’s going on? ps I’m also hurt that I need to get your life updates from someone else 😣

[14:40] Hmm yeah srry about that, i’ve been a bit out of it 😬,I went to the municipality building to find someone I could complain to but there wasn’t anyone there

[14:41] minnie 💜you will hate me for suggesting this but you should ask Tae for help

[14:42] Hmmm 🤔….

[14:42] Nope

[14:42] Non

[14:43] Nein 👎

[14:43] I am not trying to be indebted to someone i don’t plan on keeping in my life

[14:45] minnie 💜Ohh come on you wouldn’t be indebted, just think of it as him doing me a favor (cuz he owes me a couple) except it has nothing to with me

[14:46] minnie I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I got this 😚

[14:46] minnie 💜https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/kim_taehyung

[14:47] minnie 💜I’m just saying he’s got connections 🤷‍♂️

You click on the link. A freaking Wikipedia page?! The page isn’t ridiculous long but still, the fact that he has one. Your eyes shift to read his profile. There’s a picture of him, one worthy of a couple of screenshot you were not going to take, except he has blonde hair and you can’t help but think that you prefer his current hair color.

Kim Tae-hyung (age 24) Other names: Earl Kim Taehyung, Count Kim Taehyung Occupation: Economist Awards: Uffington’s Novice Photographer 2019 Taehyung is not just Jimin’s city friend. He is a count. An earl. An aristocrat amongst Warringham peasants. [14:53] Wow I see that you have upgraded huh, what are your intentions for the future that you felt the need to become friends with a nobleman 🤨

[14:55] minnie 💜actually he approached me, he went to one of my shows with his fam and then came to compliment me backstage and asked if i wanted to go for a drink

[14:57] and you thought ‘you know what, going out for a drink with a stranger is totally responsible’ [14:59] minnie 💜 i didn’t go alone i went with the team, i’m nice not stupid 😤

[15.00] minnie 💜but my point still stands, you wouldn’t be losing anything by asking him

Should you tell Jimin that Taehyung has already offered to help or would that just encourage him to keep pushing? You decide against telling him.

[15:01] i’ll think about it

[15:01] minnie 💜 that’s y/n code for: thanks but no thank you

[15:02] i mean it, i’ll actually let the thought simmer in my mind and see if i like the result

[15:03] minnie 💜smh

[15:03] minnie 💜 i’m going to need to leave u, someone else is here to keep me company 😏

[15:04] ewww, u nasty, byeeee

[15:05] minnie 💜byeeee, and like for real think about it 😙

Tomorrow is now today. Jimin is sadly going away. You are that deep in your feelings that you feel the need to recite a corny ‘poetic’ rhyme. You are standing near the edge of the railway platform. Taehyung is standing somewhere behind you. The both of you waiting for Ada and Jimin to rap up their sob fest or more accurately Ada’s sob fest. It takes a minute.

Once they are ready they find their way to you. You form a disproportionate human circle where Jimin and Ada are glued to each other’s side while you are closer to Ada and Taehyung’s closer to Jimin.

“Hey Y/N, can I talk to you real quick.” Jimin motions for you to come to his side as he increases the distance between you and the rest.

Is he going to have individual talks with all three of us?

“So, what’s up?” you ask. The quicker you’re with this the less time you get to feel emotional.

“I’ll keep my promise if, and only if you keep yours,” he says as he places his pinky in front of your face. You grab onto it with your palm.

“I don’t remember promising anything.” He signals to Taehyung with a head nod. Oh, you see what this is about.

”You know it’s okay to admit you need help, right? You don’t need to have all the answers yourself.”

It may be true that you do not have all the answers, but you do have the ones that you need and the ones that mean something to you. But you can’t tell Jimin that so you sigh as you bite your top lip.

Jimin reaches into his back pocket. “I’ve had this now for a while and I think it has done its job. I believe you need it more than me right now.”

Onto your palm a small metal circle is placed. Teddy the penny. You can’t help chuckling. It had in fact been a while since you had seen the rusty fake penny with a teddy bear engraving. The penny that brought you and Jimin together back in elementary school when you still thought your teddy bear was the bestest friend you could possibly have. It listened to you and it understood and it comforted you, softly, all night. Most importantly, unlike Jimin, it never questioned you.

Your teacher had made fake pennies for the class to give as rewards. You and Jimin had a joint place in your drawing competition and coincidentally you both wanted the only teddy bear penny available. The teacher placed the two pennies in the palms of her hands, and told you to close your eyes. Her hands shifted from side to side, above and around one another. When you opened your eyes, you were made to chose and ended up with a butterfly penny instead.

All you can remember is moist cheeks, hurt cries and resentment. All of which went away when Jimin put the then warm penny on your small clammy hand, “You look like you need it more. Don’t be sad. Teddy doesn’t want things to be sad he wants them to be funny.”

From then on you exchanged Teddy the Penny, the one who needs it the most gets it. You had given it to him when he left to pursue his dreams.

“Honestly it’s not that big of a deal,” you dismiss his worry, “it’s definitely not a teddy the penny worthy situation,” you clarify.

“You know I am not gonna fight you right before leaving. You and I both know that the bakery is the only thing you actually care about. So yes, you care more than you show.”

“I also care about you and Ada too,” you retort and it’s the first time in the last three years that that you get to have Jimin’s questioning and disappointing expression directed at you.

“If you’re going to keep playing like this I might as well join and not keep my promise.”

FUCK!

Ok, so now your plan to avoid talking to Taehyung just wouldn’t be doable. You could deal with hurting yourself but hurting others? No. That’s where you draw the line. You are really going to have to talk to him.

“Fine,” you mumble out.

“Uh?”

“I said fine.”

Jimin pulls you into a hug. “Look at you, this is progress and thank you, that means I can keep my promise.” He hugs you tighter and your jaw tenses as you attempt to make sure he doesn’t squeeze out all of the tears that you plan on shedding when you get back home.

“I’ll miss you so much. Please take care of Ada.” He lets you go but keeps holding your hands. “And let her take care of you too. Okay?”

“Uh hmm,” you nod your head at the fastest speed you can manage. Partially because you do want to reassure him but also you need to dry the incoming tears.

Jimin continues to caress your shoulder as you walk back to meet the others. You try to keep your head up as to not raise any suspicion but realise your failure when you meet Taehyung’s eyes. He gives you a reassuring smile and winks at you. The last part does register properly in your head but you act like you didn't see it.

The train tracks sound. It’s almost here.

“I’m so glad I decided to come back. Take care guys, I’ll try to get back as fast as possible,” he says as he goes on to squeeze Ada’s hand and hug Taehyung.

The train comes to a stop and the gushing sound of air that comes from the opening doors resonates against your eardrums and you’re brought back to the first time he left. You were just as hurt back then as you are now. The only difference is that you felt hope where you feel despair today. Why? You don’t really know. Things tend to be felt before you get the time to register what those feelings mean.

Jimin steps into the train and sits by a window seat facing your side of the platform. The whole minute before he’s taken away with the train unravels itself in slow motion. It goes by so fast, you realize you forgot to wave goodbye. Nevertheless, you raise your hand to wave it frantically. Maybe he saw it?

Taehyung clears his throat. “I gotta hurry back to work. But hopefully I can see you guys around.”

Right, Taehyung and Ada still had work. You had given yourself a leave from work for the remaining of the day.

“Alright, sounds good, we can catch up some other time,” Ada says with a cheerful voice. You're surprised by how well she's taking this.

She moves to link arms with you. The same arm that she pinches.

“See you around Taehyung,” you manage to say. He looks at you a little too long for your liking before he turns away to walk away.

Your phone buzzes and you reach for it.

[13:45] minnie 💜here’s his number by the way: *********

[13:45] minnie 💜also I saw that 🙋‍♀️🤞

The outlines of your hands holding your phone blurs before you can feel wet drops on your forearms. Ada brings your body tight against hers as she pats your back.

You now realize how happy you felt having all three of you in the same place despite all the problems at work and Taehyung. You had really thought that the sweet imagery would manage to stay alive a bit longer than what it did.

But good things tend to be ephemeral, just like the first snow that melts to reveal old ways.

Posted: May 15, 2020

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happynowidiot-blog-blog · 7 years

Text

Can it just be Friday?

For the most part my last weekend in London was fun. Penny and I went and hung out with the boys in Greenwich on Friday night. We originally wanted them to come out to Kings Cross but George is pretty much skint and apparently spent today working. Yes, this is a development. So, anyways, George will be broke until he gets his first paycheck. We decided to venture down to Lewisham. He wasn’t getting away with not saying good-bye. Penny and I managed to get to the house all on our own and then had to convince George to let us in. He was legitimately talking to us through the mail slot. Other George was apparently watching this but had no idea what was going on. He was so confused. Eventually we gained access to the house and Other George greeted us with hugs and kisses on the cheek.

We then spent a good ten minutes digging through their take-out menu drawer trying to find somewhere that would deliver us pizza. We pestered our George for awhile about what he wanted on his pizza and then got into the millionth conversation of the year about our accents. Other George spent a few minutes telling me that Chicago is pronounced “Chic-caahgo” instead of “Chicaago” (the way I pronounce it) before George jumped in and said Chicago with the hardest -a sound possible and I laughed and stopped arguing. Other George lectured us on the existence of the “imaginary r” in the English language. That’s why the English say “parth” instead of “path”. Apparently. We rolled out eyes and the Georges left to go buy drinks.

Karim, Esam’s brother, was in the shower when we got there and looked very confused when he came downstairs because he didn’t know we were coming over. He still greeted us in typical fashion with hugs, kisses, and pleasantries. Before he’d come downstairs and he’d just gotten out of the shower the hallway was flooded with the smell of clean boy. Attractive, clean boy. Mmm. Penny and I were standing at the bottom of the stairs sniffing and sighing. I was waiting for the Georges to come home right at that moment. Luckily, they waited until we were sitting in the living room willing the channel on the tv to change. Karim sat in one of the armchairs and I claimed the other. Penny and Other George took the couch and George sat on the beanbag at Penny’s feet.

We watched about an hour of Spiderman 3 before someone suggested changing the channel and we all went “Oh please god yes!”. Watching it had been funny if only because of the number of times Penny and I groaned whenever Mary Jane emotional. Karim and I also shared our extensive knowledge of comic book movies (I was so glad there was another geek present). When Spidey goes emo George made a comment about his “fringe” and Penny and I just about died. When the jazz club that Mary Jane works at first came on screen George cheered and I tried not to melt into a pile of goo. During the break up scene we were talking about boys crying and Other George admitted to being a crier. He’s more sensitive then he looks, he said. This is hard to believe because he looks like a teddy bear. An attractive teddy bear, but a teddy bear nonetheless. Our new goal is to get him to cry.

Penny and I went into Other George’s room to dig through his dvd shelf. Not a bad collection but the best part about this is just the room itself. We’d never been in it and the boys were all downstairs. There’s a huge Buddha statue on his mantle and candles on his shelf. There’s an incense holder, a single bed, the only full length mirror in the house, and a hilarious amount of beauty products visible inside the wardrobe. We came downstairs after snooping holding Dodgeball ready to fully embrace our roles as British men. Seriously, we are so not girls. We watched the movie while eating pizza and Penny and the boys drank beer. Karim set to work rolling joints for him and George. At one point he stopped to complain about a long hair he found in the grinder, “No one in the house has hair this long!” Penny and I tried not to laugh or make eye contact. It was one hundred percent one of ours. I’d forgotten about this but the first time we’d gone home with George, Esam had been hesitant about smoking in front of us. Most of the girls he knew disapproved of weed so he felt weird smoking with girls. Penny and I had laughed. Thus, the only girls that had been around that grinder recently were us. Whoops.

I wasn’t drinking but I desperately wanted to ask George for a drag. I didn’t though partially because I kind of hate that I felt like I wanted it that badly and partially because I didn’t want to be rude. He didn’t offer and I do know how expensive it is here. It was mostly tobacco anyways. I’m probably better off not killing my lungs this week. We were watching the movie and at one point Other George and Penny were cuddling. It was just more comfortable for them both the sit that way but it looked adorable. I was crazy jealous because Other George would be who I’d pick to cuddle with out of almost anyone. Other George at one point fell asleep and that was pretty hilarious. And then he shifted and woke himself up a bit but didn’t open his eyes. He literally was laughing at the movie with his eyes closed. That was awesome. Penny and I kept looking at each other and cracking up (or trying not to in some cases). George was a bit quiet but we found out later why (besides the obvious that not everyone talks through movies).

Other George went to bed and George disappeared into his room. I stuck my head in and found him clicking refresh on a some random football website. We ended up bugging him and spent like three hours watching stupid YouTube videos. There are moments when I think about my life like the English major I should be. I notice irony and pick out symbolism and enjoy drawing parallels and identifying foils. I think about my life in terms of plot diagrams and analyse things like most people struggle to analyse literature. I’ve always been very, very good at English. When I was 12, I attended a camp for gifted students at Northwestern. My class was literary analysis. It was three weeks long and condensed a semester of a high school class into this time period. I swear this is entirely responsible for shaping how I think. Anyways, Friday night was one of those moments. The second time we hung out with George and Jules it ended up being the four of us in Penny’s room until 6 AM watching stupid YouTube videos after forcing the boys to finish off the gin and vodka in the room (there was like four shots total between the two bottle. We didn’t know how much of a pussy George was about shots at this point). It was a nice parallel considering that we’ve known him for a year as of this weekend. And no, that isn’t creepy that I know that. It was my sister’s birthday. George is actually on the voicemail I left her last year (as is a bunch of random Swedes but that’s a different story).

It was nice to see George loosen up. Turns out he’s been annoyed with Other George lately which is why he wasn’t being super talkative while he was around. It also explains his annoyed face when Penny was cuddling with Other George. When he was talking about it he did a hilariously accurate impression of Other George. I never actually noticed how different their accents were (or at least I’d never thought about it) until then. We talked for awhile and Jesus do I love when we actually get to hang out with George, not the cool guy he likes to pretend he is or the asshole he becomes when drunk. He laughed his ass off at some of the videos (there was one that had him almost on the floor). At risk of sounding ridiculous, I love his laugh. His whole face lights up. It’s adorable.

We were screwing around on his computer and somehow got onto the discussion of people’s old MySpaces. This led to the not-so-fun discovery of my MySpace which includes a mortifying blog entry I wrote when I was 14. I had to leave the room while they read it. I tried to get control of the computer and Penny literally held me back while George clicked on the link and started to read out loud. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed, I could have actually died. George and Penny, on the other hand, were dying of laughter. It was this like free-verse psuedo-intellctual poem thing. Oh god, it’s bad. George, after he’d stopped laughing long enough to speak, said that it would actually be good if he didn’t know the context. However, as it was a 14 year old girl’s emo MySpace blog entry there was no way it could be taken seriously. It could have been worse. At least they laughed and didn’t just decide to never speak to me again.

We sat around in George’s room for awhile and then decided we should probably take off. We were cabbing it home as it was late. George offered us his bed again. Well, he said “You can stay but you’ll have to sleep on the sofa. Just kidding, you can sleep in my bed considering you hijacked it last time.” We protested that Esam had offered his bed and he looked so shocked. It was hilarious. We said thank you but we did really have to be up kind of early. He kept emphasizing that he wasn’t kicking us out. He was totally ok with us spending the night. The more he said it the more I wanted to turn to Penny and just say fuck it. It was really sweet of him to keep offering. Our cab got there eventually and we said good-bye. George finally opened the Christmas card we got the boys. It was actually a hilarious card. On the outside it said “Sorry I got so drunk at your party (next week)”. On the inside, it was addressed to “Dear Boys” and signed “<3 the Girls”. George laughed at it and put it on the mantle in the living room. We hugged Karim good-bye and he kissed us on the cheek and wished us a merry Christmas. We told him to have a good break and then moved to hug George. His hugs did not last nearly long enough. We’re not going to see him for a month (well, three weeks-ish). Penny and I were both a tad disappointed but he did tell me he wanted to Skype while I was in the States so that’ll be fun.

All in all, it was a really good night. Out faces literally hurt from laughing so much. We giggled for like six hours straight I swear. We also got the bonding time with George we wanted to badly. None of us were drunk and George wasn’t flying by any means. It was nice to just chill and talk and really solidify the friendship we’re not always convinced exists. He’s so much more relaxed and himself when he’s home. It’s amusing to watch how he interacts with the boys too. Things like right before we left Karim was in the kitchen doing something and George stuck his head in the hallway and asked what he was cooking. Karim said something and George goes, “Wanna make that a meal for two?” So adorable. He then said that he could contribute digestives to the meal. He was nibbling on a cookie, lookin’ adorable. Karim eventually brought him a plate with two pieces of toast on it. One piece had beans on it, the other had scrambled eggs. Karim held a plate set up the same way for himself. Penny and I were resisting the urge to profess our love for the two of them. It was completely the way one of their parents used to make food. You could just tell that they’ve been friends forever.

I also just love being around to observe that house. I swear to god I should just major in sociology. The kitchen is a disaster area. Seriously, no clean dishes at all. The floor is literally covered in random spills and I’ve never wanted to wipe down a counter more in my life. The best part about all of this is the post-it note stuck to the fridge that says “I cleaned the kitchen. You mess it up and I’ll mess you up!”. The number of boys that live in the house has been clarified as five. It’s George, Esam, Karim, Other George, and Leon. Hilarious thing? There are only four bedrooms. Esam has his own room (or is sharing his bed with Karim which would be funnier) and so do the Georges. The only room we haven’t been in is Leon’s which in our heads now contains bunk beds that he shares with Karim. No idea how the living arrangements were decided. Esam appears to be the only one with a double bed and definitely has the biggest room. George is the only one not in school but has his own room. Karim is Esam’s older brother but appears to be sharing with someone. It’s a mystery. Another mystery is what they’re all doing for break. George isn’t going home and neither is Karim but Esam and Leon are. Other George will head home to Chestnut (wherever the hell that is). How did Karim and Esam decide who get’s to go home? I know George and Karim are excited to be in London for NYE but that also means Christmas alone. Before I knew Karim was staying I was ready to miss my flight home so that George wouldn’t be alone for Christmas (that would have led to all sorts of good decisions, I’m sure).

We got home pretty late and tried not to say anything that could be in anyway funny because our faces literally hurt from smiling and laughing too much. This is much harder then you’d imagine. We went to bed and got up the next day and rushed to the Tower to go ice skating. It ended up just being Penny and I who went. It was fun though. I really enjoy ice skating and there is no better place that the Tower of London to go. It was incredibly pretty and wintery. We then went back to the flat and Penny went Christmas shopping while I cleaned up our mess from brunch and tried to nap. We ended up watching four episodes of Secret Diary of a Call Girl once she got back. We then went to dinner and got ready to go out. Shahida was out with her brother so it was just the two of us again. Coco came over and hung out with us while we got ready. It was nice to see her.

We decided to skip the End of Term party and just go to the Big Chill. We went and it was alright. We decided to check out what was going on at the Social Club. There was supposed to be some Indie concert going on. Yeah, we walked in and something became very clear. “Indie concert” was apparently code for “lesbian night”. Yeah. We were literally surrounded by lesbians and some very confused guys who apparently didn’t get the memo either. It was kind of hilarious. We ended up talking to these guys Toby and Kev who ended up buying us drinks so we wouldn’t leave them with the lesbians. We did anyways and went back to Big Chill. The music had taken a turn for the worse somewhere along the way. I was quickly sobering up and far too drunk to keep drinking. My feet were killing me and Penny was drunk. In short, I was not having a good time. I didn’t want to leave though because Penny had started talking to this guy. I wasn’t sure why I was in such a bad place to be out but I didn’t want to ruin her last Saturday because I can’t keep my emotions in check. Eventually we were sitting on the couches upstairs and Penny started making out with this guy. I opened Facebook on my phone. I am so cool.

I was already pretty miserable at this point and then someone from home’s status was “BLIZZARD WARNING!”. I almost burst into tears. That was the worst time to find out that anything might prevent me from getting home on Friday. The music was still bad and I ended up getting hit on by the old French guy when I went to sit downstairs because I got sick of watching Penny make out with this random. I took that as my cue to get Penny and go home. My feet hurt and I was tired and I just wanted to go to bed. We got home and Penny was washing her face when she goes, “Oh no.” I asked her what was wrong and she said she’d show me in a second. I immedietly knew what was wrong and started cracking up. She managed to get her first hickey in a year and a half from a 24 year old random who break dances, has a US passport, and lays bricks for a living. So unbelievably funny.

The next morning, Coco came over and we exchanged Christmas presents. Penny got me this really pretty gold necklace with a stag on it and a keychain from Harry Potter world. Shahida got me this incredibly pretty leather bound notebook from this boutique in Kensington. They both seemed to like what I got them and Coco was really excited about the cupcake shaped piggy bank I’d gotten her. Coco, Penny, and I then went and got brunch and Penny sent me home to go study. We were supposed to meet Myles for dinner and they ended up coming out to Earl’s Court so I didn’t have to put money on my Oyster card. Shahida stayed in and got pizza with her brother and sister in law. Penny, Myles, and I went to this Japanese restaurant. Myles seemed like he was in a pretty good mood. Dinner went really well. We had a lot of fun and he really liked the hat and socks he got him for Christmas. The socks had super heros and comic strips on them. We couldn’t not buy them for him. The hat was fleece lined and had furry ear flaps. I’ve never seen him as excited about anything as he was about his hat. It was so adorable. The check came and he gave the waitress his card. Penny reached the bill so we could give him cash and he pulled it out of her way with a, “Fuck off. I got it.” It was sweet of him. I like when he’s in a good mood. It’s a nice change. He’s going to come by the flat Wednesday night to give us our presents. He hasn’t had time to shop yet apparently.

I’ve been thinking about where I was in life a year ago and it’s actually kind of funny. When I went home for break last year I spent the whole time talking about T and Ollie and Massimo. Now I’m going to go home and talk about the Greenwich boys (or the Boys O’ Lewisham as we wrote on their Christmas card) and Myles. It’s actually crazy how much has changed in year.

I have four days left and three more finals. I have two tomorrow, the first of which is at 9 AM so I should probably get some sleep. I’m going to need to wake up early and keep studying (or you know start).

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