#I sure am tginking

[mcytdynamicrambling]

Hihi its me again bc I have thoughts about pirates again :D (btw sorry if this is rly incoherent its 5 am when im starting to write this and ive been up for an hour and i dont really have energy to read this over but yeah)

So i finished apos yt series yesterday wich reminded me of how Apo and Acho actually were, yk i used to tgink og that duo a lot when it was life becouse there is a lot going on there and they are similar in many ways and like idk

Like at first neither of them are exactly happy about getting an offer from "just" the nightingales and would rather be in different places Apo in the kites and Acho not at the usles at all. And like at the beginning that affects how they interact and how they have a closer thought process than most of the other nightingales. Also at the start neither of them really seem to know what pirates actually do in a faction.

Also when Acho and Gracie were helping Apo build his treehouse. He says that Gracie can help him build and then theyll get Acho to judge wether she was helpful or not if she was then Apo would accept being a nightingale and if not theyd call him a kite, Apo choosing Acho to be the judge shows that he cares about stars opinion. Then Acho then says smth like im not going to tell you who to be (i cant remember what exactly he said but it was smth similar to this)

Also just how ready they are to help each other like when Acho doesn't trust Will and they work together on a plan to make sure he can question him n stuff that I cant remember rn there where definitely more moments but.

The next part is all taken from Achos stream "the duel lore" and all the direct quotes are from there (I rewatched the second half of it for this)

In that stream specifically I noticed how willing Acho is to follow Apo despite acknowledging to the seagulls that smth is up like he says that smth is wrong but he's going to stay in case Apos just going through smth like???

"He's my friend I can't just leave... I have to have some sort of faith" like damn that line rly shows how Acho thinks of their friendship sometimes

"I'm right here you are not alone" like bro

"You're so worried about being yourself that you are being someone else, it doesn't matter who you are or what faction you are in Apo you are just my friend, who are you trying to be?

this this line is so good and it so descriptive of Apo but its also taken from experience yk

Like both of them are about defing labels like Acho says in the cinematic he's a nightingale that is also the richest pirate and really good at fighting, and Apo is always talking about how ppl are pushing labels on him n stuff

I have more thoughts and unfinished stuff from this one I might write on here later but this is all I have time to do rn :)

.

[ritualcaster]

I am the #1 objectified connoisseur

And not just in a bragging sense i mean thats literally me

That was my old name before i changed it

I tgink

Im like 78% sure

[get-fossilized-idiot]

oh.

my.

gog!!!!!!!!

they all sound familiar!! me telling people that i am god tier and still not getting recognized at all is so funny and something i would definitely do. :p

museums... i can see that! i think i remember living alone, or at the least, i can vaguely picture it? i think remember calling anyone i could think of while i would do stuff in the house, most likely you, karkat, jane, rose, and the beta kids sometimes! maybe even call a few of the trolls if i ever thought about them.

and oh my god, sleepovers! they definitely feel very familiar to me. i think i remember doing pranks at the sleepovers and such? :p - 💨

OK OK this rocks so heres the deal i do have one other canonmate from this timeline (hiii karkat hiiiii) wait fuck what was its kinblog url @underfresh if this is the wrong blog thats ao wmbarrassing i tgink irs the right one ANYWAYS.

im not sure how cool you are with like... maybe making a gc? i guess itd be on instagram i don't know if tumblr can DO gcs anyways though yeah idk how cool youd be w that seeing as anonymity

[hfjtp]

so

i'm back

not sure though that i won't dissappear again

if you are interested in the stuff i've been up to

firstly, i've failed my chemistry exam and i don't know how will i be able to fix it, if i got an f even tho i've cheated (but it's not really bothering me as much as it should bc i've wanted to drop out anyway, be it sooner or later)

also, i am back in therapy and on meds right now. this time they are different and i'm not quite sure they are working for me, tho it could be the low dose or me forgetting to take them sometimes, anyway, it's a bit early to judge

tOdAy my stupidity has almost caused a short circuit, but, in the end, it only resulted in one broken cable and around 200 ml of green tea turned to some weird black liquid

socials-wise i've been thinking of revamping my presentation (idk how to call the stuff i'm tginking of), bc i feel like my vibes have shifted, and starting yet another instagram account, this time it will be photo and makeup-centered so if you are interested in content like that, look up to future updates on that

...

anyway, here's the necklace i've made today

this time it, surprisingly, doesn't reach my navel. i've fucked up a bit with all the little chains, but it's not really noticeable, so i won't be fixing it

[putalittleloveonme]

I heard that despite what he said, he's getting most of the people who show symptoms of COVID-19 tested and if the test turns positive they must stay home in quarantine. So like, he says some stuff to the media but then takes action behind their backs. Idk how that makes sense, but I heard the info from a doctor who was interviewed recently so... Must be true.

That’s pretty good, if it’s true! He probably doesn’t want the UK economy to collapse like it did for us. But since I’ve seen with my country that, unfortunately, self-quarantine isn’t good enough I hope he’ll do even more for all of your safety.

[especdreamy]

I tgink its funny cuz yknow I did this english course and completed it and apparently completion of that course means u have a C1 level in the MCER scale.

So I was like oh alright lemme see what it means and what someone in the C1 level can do and I googled and found definitions from EF and this is what someone in the C1 level can do:

And I was like yeah sure I can certainly do that lol. Even tho I don't get into much Discourse and all I am very much capable of doing so YAKNOW.

MEANWHILE. The C2 level, which is literlaly the highest level and when one can just consider onesef "bilingual"

And I'm here like wait I can do that too! What do you mean!!!

I HAVE A HIGHER LEVEL THAN THE ONE THE COURSE WAS FOR!??

Basically I did NOT need an english course and we dumped so much money for nothing 👎👎 anyways I'm gonna see if I can find a way to get a certification that I have C2 level.

[askjondami]

Jon, Jon!! What does the Al Ghul side of Damian's family tgink of your guys' relationship?

Jon: I have never met them.. and Dami won´t let me. I don´t understand why.. I´m sure that Batman is way more dangerous then the league of assassines.

Damian: They don´t know and i`m not planning to tell them. I don´t want my grandfather to find out about me and Jon. I am worried someday he will use our children the way he used me.. as a spineless killer..

[tumblunni]

Aaaa phewf a good but scary dayyyyy

I totally forgot i was due for a meeting with the Super Rehab Center For Brain Bads. Its like this intensive boot camp version of therapy, basically? Its a shared housing accommodation where you'd have individual nurses and do lots of lessons and classes every day to work on your particular needs, while also having a bit of a shared community and helping you ykbow meet other people like you and such? So its very scary but also could be really good for me but also its a big commitment and aaaa

Anyway you might recall i talked about this like a year ago and as far as i knew it wasnt actually an opyion for me and i'd got my hopes up/got my anxieties up all fot nothing. Well recently they just suddenly called me back and gave us this short notice appointment! I didnt even khnow i was on the waiting list!!

So yeah it was Big Anxious to go to a big meeting with them again and with different people and a more intense assesment and discussion of the possibilities. But also now i was worried cos i didnt know anymore of i should be here? Like they originally booked me in for this because was in a REALLY bad place mentally last year, like never going outsode for weeks and never cleaning the house and not taking my pills and not going to dpctors appointments and i was just desperate to do ANYTHING that could get me out of this shitty town even if it meant living in an intensive therapy hospital communal dorm thing for a year. And now i've improved quite a bit so i dont know if maybe i was worrying too much and this is something too drastic? Like man is this for people with more serious problems? Am i taking away resources that could be helping someone more ill than me? And also i never even started getting anxious about the size of thecommitment last time, i was just desperate to move house and i didnt even tgink about how i have to survive a year of extra anxiety to fight my anxiety...

So anyway we had that meeting today and i was so freaked the fuck out that as we speak right now i cannot actually fully see and im mostly touch typing. I had so much of a panic attack that i hit off the damn eye twitching dizziness super symptom hell and i nearly fainted when i had to stand up at the end of the meeting and walk out the door. Like holy shit so much adrenaline burning thru my braaaaaainnnn!!! Im gonna be exhausted in a minute i bet. But i'm extra proud of myself cos my new support worker richard said that it didnt show on my face how much i was panicking, i successfully managed to keep that anxiety attack under control and finish yhe conversation with grace! And he also said its no trouble when i ask him for help and stuff cos its not just his job but a job he loves, and he was happy to spend the day this way, knowing he helped someone like me through someyhinh so important. HE'S THE FUCKIN NICEST MAN EVER

also incidentally i also learned he's a SURPRISE GRANDPA?? Like not really, i mean he's more in the older adult range, but he just dropped it casually in conversation that he's 50 and i thought he was like 28?? I mean i have prosopagnosia so i suck at recognising facial expressions but i think even normal peopke would agree he looks hella young! Thats awesome he's even more smart and experienced than i thought!! No wonder he's been so amazing at his job! And he's extra awesome for how he's a dj if he didnt grow up as surrounded by computers and stuff, yknow?

ALSO A RELATED FACT:HE JUST CASUALLY DROPPED THAT HE'S A DJ

He has a fuckin 'sound room' in his house with 'a million microphones' and he brought it up cos i was sayibg about how i wanted to learn video editing and stuff and he said he can give me a free microphone from one of his spares! Damn i need to find a way to pay him back cps he won't take actual money for it, aaaa!! And also hehelped me remember the name of that one animation software i wanted to get someday, and he offered to teach me all his Super Secrets Of Getting Free Samples And Cheatibg The Time Limit. Like man u literally work for the government are u sure u should be sayin this? XD and i didnt actually say it was lets plays but i said i wanted to practise recording my voice to show my friends in other countries and help get less anxious. And then he started talking about podcasts so man for all i know maybe he watches lets plays too! He's gonba reccommend me some educational podcasts about science abd mental health and stuff :D

So yeah it all went way better than expected and i even got an odd chance to get to know my therapist on a more personal level and get some nice help with my hobbies! Also he's the only other person i've ever met who uses Paint Shop Pro 7! A friggin 1999 art software that i still keep cos im too dumb to learn a new one aaaaa. He validated me by agreeing that its very conveinient and comparatively newbie friendly, yes! But its having incompatibility issues since windows 10 came out so aaa i know eventualky i need to learn a new thing lol

Man my sypport worker is so damn awesome and its so rare i acconplish a good thing and have a good day and dont lose to my anxiety! I jus lt wish i wasnt still experiencing the horrible side effects of that anxiety lol. Typing this up helped distract me for long enough for my vision to clear up a bit but now my headache is extreme! I hate that pills take like an hour to kick in.

Man maybe i should order a takeaway pizza or somethin?? To celebrate not fuckin up at a chance to improve my mental health! And also cos its hard to cook things when you have no functioning eyeballs!