#im gonna use that as my tag for negative talk about by anxieties and day to day life stuff frkm now on

[seventh-district]

.

[tumblunni]

Aaaa phewf a good but scary dayyyyy

I totally forgot i was due for a meeting with the Super Rehab Center For Brain Bads. Its like this intensive boot camp version of therapy, basically? Its a shared housing accommodation where you'd have individual nurses and do lots of lessons and classes every day to work on your particular needs, while also having a bit of a shared community and helping you ykbow meet other people like you and such? So its very scary but also could be really good for me but also its a big commitment and aaaa

Anyway you might recall i talked about this like a year ago and as far as i knew it wasnt actually an opyion for me and i'd got my hopes up/got my anxieties up all fot nothing. Well recently they just suddenly called me back and gave us this short notice appointment! I didnt even khnow i was on the waiting list!!

So yeah it was Big Anxious to go to a big meeting with them again and with different people and a more intense assesment and discussion of the possibilities. But also now i was worried cos i didnt know anymore of i should be here? Like they originally booked me in for this because was in a REALLY bad place mentally last year, like never going outsode for weeks and never cleaning the house and not taking my pills and not going to dpctors appointments and i was just desperate to do ANYTHING that could get me out of this shitty town even if it meant living in an intensive therapy hospital communal dorm thing for a year. And now i've improved quite a bit so i dont know if maybe i was worrying too much and this is something too drastic? Like man is this for people with more serious problems? Am i taking away resources that could be helping someone more ill than me? And also i never even started getting anxious about the size of thecommitment last time, i was just desperate to move house and i didnt even tgink about how i have to survive a year of extra anxiety to fight my anxiety...

So anyway we had that meeting today and i was so freaked the fuck out that as we speak right now i cannot actually fully see and im mostly touch typing. I had so much of a panic attack that i hit off the damn eye twitching dizziness super symptom hell and i nearly fainted when i had to stand up at the end of the meeting and walk out the door. Like holy shit so much adrenaline burning thru my braaaaaainnnn!!! Im gonna be exhausted in a minute i bet. But i'm extra proud of myself cos my new support worker richard said that it didnt show on my face how much i was panicking, i successfully managed to keep that anxiety attack under control and finish yhe conversation with grace! And he also said its no trouble when i ask him for help and stuff cos its not just his job but a job he loves, and he was happy to spend the day this way, knowing he helped someone like me through someyhinh so important. HE'S THE FUCKIN NICEST MAN EVER

also incidentally i also learned he's a SURPRISE GRANDPA?? Like not really, i mean he's more in the older adult range, but he just dropped it casually in conversation that he's 50 and i thought he was like 28?? I mean i have prosopagnosia so i suck at recognising facial expressions but i think even normal peopke would agree he looks hella young! Thats awesome he's even more smart and experienced than i thought!! No wonder he's been so amazing at his job! And he's extra awesome for how he's a dj if he didnt grow up as surrounded by computers and stuff, yknow?

ALSO A RELATED FACT:HE JUST CASUALLY DROPPED THAT HE'S A DJ

He has a fuckin 'sound room' in his house with 'a million microphones' and he brought it up cos i was sayibg about how i wanted to learn video editing and stuff and he said he can give me a free microphone from one of his spares! Damn i need to find a way to pay him back cps he won't take actual money for it, aaaa!! And also hehelped me remember the name of that one animation software i wanted to get someday, and he offered to teach me all his Super Secrets Of Getting Free Samples And Cheatibg The Time Limit. Like man u literally work for the government are u sure u should be sayin this? XD and i didnt actually say it was lets plays but i said i wanted to practise recording my voice to show my friends in other countries and help get less anxious. And then he started talking about podcasts so man for all i know maybe he watches lets plays too! He's gonba reccommend me some educational podcasts about science abd mental health and stuff :D

So yeah it all went way better than expected and i even got an odd chance to get to know my therapist on a more personal level and get some nice help with my hobbies! Also he's the only other person i've ever met who uses Paint Shop Pro 7! A friggin 1999 art software that i still keep cos im too dumb to learn a new one aaaaa. He validated me by agreeing that its very conveinient and comparatively newbie friendly, yes! But its having incompatibility issues since windows 10 came out so aaa i know eventualky i need to learn a new thing lol

Man my sypport worker is so damn awesome and its so rare i acconplish a good thing and have a good day and dont lose to my anxiety! I jus lt wish i wasnt still experiencing the horrible side effects of that anxiety lol. Typing this up helped distract me for long enough for my vision to clear up a bit but now my headache is extreme! I hate that pills take like an hour to kick in.

Man maybe i should order a takeaway pizza or somethin?? To celebrate not fuckin up at a chance to improve my mental health! And also cos its hard to cook things when you have no functioning eyeballs!

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

An Important Psa 3

Tw: Talk About Side Hate, Fandom Negativity, Mild Negativity To The Sides!

P.s this is just my opinion respect it

Ok can't believe I have to make a third one but it's been brought to my attention there are a lot of character hate pages here on Tumblr and yes I class unsympathetic pages as hate pages as it basically is implying that you think that the character is canonically unsympathetic. Here in the Sander Sides Fandom, we are all about passion and love.

It's ok to hate or dislike a certain character but have you no shame, Thomas is on Tumblr and other social medias. To see people actively make a dedicated page to how much they hate that character from sander sides that Thomas created would crush him.

You call yourself a fan yet you viciously attack the characters that Thomas created, the unsympathetic sides must be hard enough for Thomas to avoid but seeing these hate pages would just upset him, he's put so much hard work into developing these characters and he still is doing. Hate pages are not truly a part of this fandom. If you were really part of this fandom you wouldn't be dissing the hard effort Thomas has put into developing these characters. If you want to be a true fander stop hating on Thomas's creations and maybe make a support page for your favourite character?

Criticism posts are fine as long as you don't tag them as unsympathetic. However, hate pages is a big no-no. You don't support Thomas you want to actively hate on the characters that Thomas wanted to use to inspire love not vicious aggressive hate. I've now had a look at all character hate pages apart from Remus and they are all disgusting.

Roman- Ok the Roman pages make me wanna puke not only do people encourage it and ask someone to make one but they actively bash on Romans character calling him a bully. Also, one page compared their own personal experience to Roman at laughing at his name. Do not relate that to real life, Thomas had no intention to make it like that. When Roman insults someone it's because he's lashing out. The Roman hate pages bash Roman as unsympathetic when he's not. Hmm ooo, wait yeah he's getting to the end of his arc this season. So your gonna bash Roman and ignore the fact that Thomas has been furiously working to develop his character. Sure Roman was wrong to laugh but he will feel guilty. These hate pages take part in the moral that Roman isn't allowed to have flaws.

Remus is so lucky I couldn't find a hate page.

Patton- How the heck does Patton have so many hate pages im sorry do you have a problem with a character who just wants to make everyone feel included. Yes, how he treats Logan and Roman is unfair but some hate pages wishing Patton didn't exist, wishing Patton is miserable is not ok at all. Patton is supposed to recognize innocence, are you saying Patton isn't allowed to flaws. He's morality folks hate to break it to you but he represents how we are all still learning what's right and wrong throughout or life. Why is there so much Patton hate, he's supposed to represent breaking away from the black and white views of religion. Like Roman he's being developed by Thomas, Thomas worked so hard to give Patton development in the redux and your gonna trash on it. Yes Patton was wrong in the original page but he will learn eventually.

Virgil- Now Virgil isn't my favourite but im not gonna trash on him just because he has flaws. Thomas has worked really hard to develop Virgil and is still developing. Like the other pages, the Virgil haters make some active good points but fail to see how Virgils main arc is over but he's actually getting Romans mini-arc. Yes, the days we're you all hated on Roman pre accepting anxiety. The two characters are swapping arcs, Virgil is going to learn to be nicer and accept that he isn't the only dark side that deserves acceptance. Virgil was lying in the puzzle song, he's still lost but will find his way. Virgil will get better Thomas has developed him so much and haters he will develop. Like the Roman haters, you need patience.

Logan- Pft seriously people the hate pages for Logan literally call him an emotionless robot. That is not ok like the other haters you're ignoring the why on why that certain character acts that way. Logan probably feels threatened by Roman because he didn't get the career choice he wanted for Thomas. Logan absolutely cares, he tries to help Thomas in his own unique way. Again you suggest Logan isn't allowed to have flaws. Logan is a hypocrite he represses how he fails because the others interrupted and insulted him unintentionally. He thinks being emotionless will help him not be hurt when Thomas doesn't ask for help from him. Like Roman, he's not expressing himself in a healthy which comes out in a way that can unintentionally hurt the others. Logan is at the beginning of his arc and Thomas has so much planned for Logan so patience and try to think about the time's Logan has tried to help.

Janus- Now to all those Janus hate pages I understand im mad that he clapped back and failed to understand why Roman was acting that way but I know something you don't, Janus is developing. People we hardly know Janus it's way too soon to judge him or his actions do not babify him like he has no flaws. And do not actively bash him for having flaws. Thomas has so much plans to help us get to know Janus as a character. Yea the 180 was sudden but soon we will understand Janus. Stop presuming you know Janus when you don't the character has only had the spotlight for three episodes. Patience and remember that both Janus and Roman were wrong.

In conclusion, stop spreading hate in this fandom but if you don't want to stop the hate turn it into negativity pages so Thomas knows. I shouldn't interact with these people they don't like the characters im developing.

Amen

Tagged people who id love to hear from:

@lowkey-logan @logansandersprotectionsquad @logansandersfanclub

@janus-is-an-adorable-snek-boi @janussanderscult @decietsanders

@misconceivedcapricorn @roman-sanders-appreciation-blog @royalprinceroman

@patton-deserves-the-world @pattonpattoff @pattonsandersrpblog

@virgilsandersstuff @virgilsanders @virgilappreciation

Of course the rest of you are allowed to share your thoughts too

[marvinswriting]

Air Pressure

Prompt: Janis and Damian hurt/comfort bc sometimes Janis feels sad for no reason😳😳😳 We said A N G S T 😳 (except I also added nice Regina bc it's my fic and I can do what I want.)

It's just one of those days where everything hits hard I guess. 

I saw a post somewhere that said if there was no air pressure, rain would fall all at once in a thick sheet of water and kill us.

I don't know how accurate that is, but it's pretty representative of how my day is going.

Instead of getting hit with negative sparingly throughout the day with positive things to regulate it, there is no positive, and my emotions just hit me like a wall. 

Which is fucking great when you're sitting in English class.

The perfect time to just, break down is while you learn about The Raven, I guess.

I raise my hand to ask to leave the room, earning a sharp glare from my teacher when he has to stop reading to pick on me.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I ask, my voice wavering. 

He must pick up on it because he just nods.

I scoop up my bag and run out of the room. Its the first of my three tiny periods in a row and then I have a class with just Damian before I can go home. That's four periods to long.

I make my way into the school's tiny bathroom and pull myself into the back stall. I cover my mouth to muffle a sob, I don't really know why I'm crying, but the overwhelming sinking feeling in my chest won't disappear. 

I hear high heels clicking as they walk into the bathroom. "Janis? I saw you run in here."

I guess dying for 15 seconds really does change a person because Regina had been working hard to be my friend again. I don't know if we're 'watching each other have breakdowns' close yet. 

"I know you're here Jan. You can't hide from me." 

Well, that's mildly threatening. 

I freeze as footsteps approach the stall I'm in. 

Regina knocks on the door but it just slowly swings open, revealing me sitting next to the toilet, curled up.

Stupid broken locks.

"Oh, Janis." Regina crouched down next to me. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing specific, just sad, I guess."

Regina nods. "I know the feeling. And that's okay." She looks like she has more to say, but doesn't.

She simply steps into the stall with me and slides down the wall opposite of me.

This feels like the start of a bad porno.

We sit in silence for a bit and I have to admit, Regina's presence is actually really comforting. 

I try to slow the tears since somebody else is here, but Regina doesn't comment. She simply reaches across the small space between us and rests her hand on my knee comfortingly.

I give a teary-eyed smile at the action.

"Thanks." I say softly, "but you need to get back to class."

"I do," Regina agrees. "But I'm not leaving you to have a breakdown alone in the bathroom." She pauses for a moment, as if considering something. "Pass me your phone."

"What?"

"Today clearly isn't your day, you're not doing too hot and shouldn't be left alone, but, you're right- I gotta go to class. Let me text Damian."

"I'm not dragging him out of class because I can't get my emotions in check." I say glumly.

Regina tsks and grabs my bag, pulling my phone out despite my protests.

"Really, Janis? Same password since middle school?"

"I don't normally have people trying to go through my phone," I say, but I don't have the energy to fight Regina about texting Damian. "He's trying to get an education, yknow. Don't bother him." I say, but trying the change Regina Geroge's mind is futile. 

"I may not know Damian personally  but he seems like the type of person who wants to know when his friends are hurting." Regina says typing away on my phone. 

I hear it ding instantly and I wipe my eyes. 

Regina place my phone back in my bag, seemingly happy with whatever response she got before standing up and holding out her arm as an offer to help me up.

I take it.

"Let's go. Regina says pulling me up.

"Where?" I glance down at our hands, she didn't let go, instead, she opted to dragging me down the hall.

"To meet Damian, duh."

The closer we get to tiny pick up zone the more my stomach twists. 

I frown, now he's gonna worry about me and not go to class and that's my fault and-

"Hey, Janis." Regina stops suddenly. "If you don't want to see Damian we don't have to, I'm sorry I texted him."

What? Oh. I'm crying again.

"No, its- I'm fine. I just-"

"You don't have to explain yourself." Regina pulls me into a hug. It's tense, we really aren't at the whole helping each other emotionally part. But its also my first real hug from another tiny in a while. 

So I'll take it.

It feels nice, being able to return as much as I receive in a hug. 

My face just feels permanently wet today, it really is one of those days.

Like everything is getting triggered by period hormones minus the cramps and blood. 

We continue our walk to where the giant hall meets the tiny hall and see Damian already there.

"Hey, Damian," Regina says, passing me my backpack.

I wave to him, and the second Damian registers the tears on my face, I'm being scooped up and held to his chest without a word.

"Thanks, Regina." He says.

I grip onto his shirt, willing the tears not so spillover.

"Of course, Damian. I know Karen or Gretchen would want somebody to do it for me."

I'm to busy with my face is Damian's shirt and my eyes squeezed shut to see Regina walk away, but just as I heard her coming, I can hear the clicking of her heels grow distant. 

Damian doesn't pull me away, he just holds me there for a bit, not saying anything.

I can feel him rocking on his heels a bit, and if its a method of soothing me- it's working. 

After a while, I think I stop crying. Keyword is think. My whole face is still damp but I let go of his shirt and push away a bit. Damian takes the hint and pulls his hands back, letting me fall into his palms.

"What's got you worked up?" He asks. His eyes are swimming with concern and guilt hits me hard.

If I could just be a bit better at dealing with my shit Damian would be learning in class as students should. 

"I don't-" I take a breath. "I don't know."

Damian nods. "That's okay." 

I nod. Its something Regina had said earlier and something I had heard many times before. But hearing it from Damian felt like the most reassuring thing in the world.

I try not to sniffle. "You have a class to go back to. You can put me down."

Damian shook his head. "Hon, the bell is gonna ring any second, we've been standing here for a while. And I'm not letting you go back to class when you're clearly tired and not in a great mental space."

The bell is gonna ring?

Wow.

"You can't skip class, Damian," I say, standing up on his palms. 

"I won't be the one skipping."

"Huh?"

Oh.

Before I can even protest, Im boing shifted into one hand, Damian already using the other to clip the white pin on his jacket.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna be annoying or get in your way or anything. You already do so much for me and I just don't wanna be a bother, its just one bad day I can hide in the bathroom again I’ll be fine-" Before I know it, words are just tumbling out of my mouth. "Cuz like, I'm tiny and I can't do anything myself and I don't want to be a nuisance or-"

"Janis."

"Yeah?"

"You're not annoying or a nuisance or getting in the way."

"Okay." I say softly, looking down.

Damian chuckles. "I like having you in my pockets. It's a reassurance that you're safe."

I feel my face flush under the love and care. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

The bell rings and Damian pulls me close to his chest as student file out of classrooms.

Its the hallway so there's no need to hide me yet, but it's dangerous as always. I press my back against Damian's chest as I watch students pass us. Some notice me, others don't. Most could care less. 

I watch Shane Omen pass with Aaron on his shoulder. Aaron is gripping onto Shane's shirt as tight as possible, and it brings me a small bit of reassurance to know I'm not the only tiny with hallway anxiety.

Damian makes it to his classroom and wordlessly slips me into his pocket. He taps the pocket lightly, which I’ll never understand why he does it, and goes on with his education as he normally would. 

Skipping three classes is gonna be a bitch to explain to my parents, but I would rather explain this to them then go to class crying.

Damian's heart beats steadily to my right as I hear his teacher begin talking.

Yeah, there are bad days where it feels like the sheet of rain is slamming into me, killing me on the spot, but I'll always have Damian to be my air pressure to regulate the droplets.

Its a common thing in my fics, but don't skip class bbys, learning is essential

tag list: @musicallygt @sourishlemons @smallsoysauce @realmisspolarbear

[briteboy]

MORE ASKS I’VE BEEN IGNORING!!!!!!!

GET ‘EM WHILE THEY’RE HOT

P.S. ALL OF U WHO SENT ME THE CHAIN THINGY ILYSOMUCH 

Why is her step-douche such a foken piece of shit? omg i hate him

some mysteries are never meant to be explained tbh. why is he so ugly and evil? who wronged him? but also who cares he’s in jail forever now good riddance ugly

I know this is probably really bad, but after I saw the newest molly posts, I thought of that video where the little girl is yelling "MISS KEISHA, MISS KEISHA, oh my fukin gosh she fukin dead"

OMFGFD I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THAT VIDEO WAS SO I JUST WATCHED IT AND I’M LAUGHIN

i don’t blame u i bet when it happens i’m gonna be like “u know she ded”

(To the previous anon) i agree with you so, so much! In Poland, these dumbass politicians are letting shooting pregnant bisons (?? Im not sure how they're called) become legal. Like BITCH WHAT. Can you imagine??? A fucking pregnant lil' cow getting shot????? I feel Molly's pain on an emotional level rn (sorry if this is too nsfw, just needed to get that outta my system...)

i think this was in response to someone saying that hurting pregnant women is one of the worst crimes but um WTF shooting animals at all makes me itchy but pregnant ones..............nah that’s......nah

it’s ok get it outta ur system i’m here 4 u

the first thing I check in the morning is your account.... you have me whipped! ;|

OMG WHA LMAO REALLY that’s wild. i feel like i’m the only one who looks at my page which is dumb but like idk i still feel like a little kid that no one cares about lmao. but then you guys exist and amaze me with your responsiveness every day and i just ;____________; ily all

hi Sunny. first of all i'm gonna say i love your story and your editing style so much! your blog is goals like literally. i need an advice if you don't mind. you always find such amazing angles for your pictures while mine are so boring. any tips or tricks you can share?

HI thank you so much ;-; sooooo i’ve been thinking about this question the past couple of times i went in game, trying to figure out how to describe how i take pictures. for one thing i live in tab mode lmao. meaning you press the tab button on your keyboard to go into camera mode and get all these sexy angles and super zoom and stufffff. i almost always zoom in super far idk why. so there’s one tip. i honestly just play around with going up and down with the q and e keys (i think?) until i find angles i like. i take a lottttt of pictures with so many different angles just so i have a lot to choose from. basically i try to focus on different things in each picture in order to get a mix of the most diverse and dynamic shots possible. you just need to experiment and get creative. i know that’s the most vague advice ever but really just try a new angle that you’ve never considered before and i bet you’ll get cool results. an interesting setting is also the biggest factor, because certain objects and their placements will give you interesting results. 

i honestly want to print out your reaction pic to that one post and just hang it on my wall, put it in my heart locket necklace, stamp it on people's faces, start an email thread with it. i love it.

an add on to the last ask i sent about your reaction pic. i've been looking at it religiously since it was posted, and i dont regret a minute of it. LMAO I'LL STOP NOW.

SAKJDLJKGKSDAF STOPPPP LMAOOO i looked so ugly but that was my pure unadulterated reaction to that question and i trust you all to not judge my ugliness and instead share this reaction with me. i’m glad u liked it that much, i just printed it out and i’m cutting it into a small heart to put inside ur locket ok

everytime i hear cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant i think of a serious case of the novembers like its so fitting and then i get all emo when i listen to it lmao rip

OMMMMGGGGGGG YESSSSS how have i never made that connection before honestly. cage the elephant is one of my faves and i’ve seen them perform twice actually!! i’m watching the music vid for that song now and even that reminds me of my story ;-; i cry

thank you for sending this, and also i cry @ the fact that you used the actual title *dies* now this song is gonna make me emo til the end of time thx

i might sound like some crazy stalker fan but i just want to say you are so freakin awesome and nice and funny and cute and (i can go on forever) so caring! i love your blog so much and all the hard work and care you put into all your posts and followers. thanks for making my day and making me smile so much. you have no clue how much i look forward to seeing your posts and your hilarious hashtags and answers from asks and AMAZING story posts. im sorry i just wanted to let you know ur awesome ily

OFMG WHAT!!!!!! I AM ONLY AN EEL!!!!!! but no you don’t sound like a crazy stalker, i actually love this, you’re too sweet, thank you ;-; i’m just blushin so much reading this omg. YOU EVEN LIKE MY TAGS WOW that’s true love. ily ;-; <333

how do you get your sims' facial expressions to line up with your scenes? I feel like my sims' faces are never right :(

tbh i just use a lot of the same neutral poses...my go-to’s are @helgatisha‘s poses lol. they’re the easiest to work with when i do just plain talking scenes, and often i tweak my sims’ eyebrows and mouths with the liquify tool if i want them to look a bit more concerned, sad, mad, happy, etc., it works like a charm!! i also tend to play around with angles, you’d be surprised how much a different angle can enhance a scene.

Hey smol bean, I'm sent you an ask and now I feel bad that it probably made you feel anxious because you didn't answer it. It was the one about you not liking my posts, I have anxiety too so I'm sorry If I made you feel sad. I think I'm just looking for validation from people I look upto you get me? Anyway sorry again, don't worry about it! Love you!

hiya bb, i know you saw my answer to your original post (and i’m sorry it got some negative attention, i didn’t mean for that to happen by any means) anyway don’t sweat it, and i really appreciate this follow-up message. you didn’t make me feel sad, i just wanna know what i can do. it’s just a hard question y’know. i understand what you mean, i think everyone wants validation to some degree. tbh you can just come off anon and message me, i promise it’s not as nerve-wracking as it seems! ily

How did you make Santi's tattoos? I want some like that for my Sims but idk how to do it

boop

I HAVE A FEELING THAT MOLLY IS GOING TO DIE DURING THE BIRTH OF THE BEAN OR IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER STEPFATHER FINDING OUT ABOUT THE BEAN

WELP U WERE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING

how did you make your characters page on your blog like that?

uoohhh like what?? i used this theme (monolog) if that’s what you mean aheh. here’s a guide on how to use custom page themes

okay so THIS IS MY THEORY: they might keep the baby and molly might actually carry it to full term, but then the kid dies in childbirth and either molly also dies or maybe kills herself or gets killed later? or maybe she's still alive but just won't speak to santi anymore cause she like can't look him in the eye after all of that or idk?? since ppl were sending theories i wanted to add mine lmao. another possible theory is that the stepdad finds out and kills her but thats TOO DARK omg

TOO DARK U SAY...WELL!!! it’s not AS dark as you guessed but only marginally

If Molly turns out to be alive and raising their kid alone (though from what I'm seeing in response to most questions I think that may not be the route) am I allowed to slap Santi (unless Molly didn't give him the option to help) because raising a child alone is not easy I've watched my mom do it for years.

YEAH i would give you permission to slap him lmao he would be a grade A piece o’ shit if that were the case. i would never ever write that tho because santi does own up to his actions if they’re that detrimental. his altruistic nature, no matter how backwards, would never allow him to do that.

There will be complication with the abortion so she will not be able to carry a baby anymore and she's going to kill herself OR her step dad is going to find out and he'll beat her to death. And in both situation Santi his blaming himself because he wasn't there at the right time... Okay I really really hope I'm wrong now !

I don't even follow your story very closely but every time I see your posts my heart hurts.

OMFG...that’s how u know the pain is real

but like wow my stuff is really so visceral that even my apathetic followers can feel the hurt...that’s real...that’s real my guy

omg!! you should 100% play or at least watch a playthrough of life is strange! legit the best game ever made, its so beautiful. the storyline kills you a thousand times over (much like your beautiful story) <3333

yaaaa i’ve heard lots of good things about it!! my bf played it actually, maybe he’ll revisit it again someday and i’ll watch him do it (i’m only a fan of video games if i can watch them like a movie lmao) thank you btw <3

I am shook and I worship you and your story and you are amazing WOW BYE

WORSHIP LMAO WHAT!!! PLS I AM UNDESERVING...ily tho don’t worship false gods

Do you let Molly and the younger versions of your characters frolic around your main save or do they have a separate one?

UM YES LMAO because i didn’t even know you could have separate saves until after i started the flashbacks lmao i’m...a noob. i don’t want separate saves anyway because 1) it’s too much of a hassle switching back and forth and 2) it gets too confusing for me and i’d be afraid of overwriting one save with another and NOPE too much anxiety for that soooo yeah there’s three santis in my game: child, teen and adult lmfao (fun fact: teen santi’s name is literally just Lil Santi)

I made it to my senior year with 6 A's and 1 B ... Be proud of me too? 😂 Lmao I told this to people and some of them were just like .. okay cool?! LMAO it's so funny but also kinda sad

I AM PROUD OF YOU TOO!!!!!!!!! my smart childrens

“okay cool” UM PLEASE that’s a feat...at my school if you got an A in a class in senior year you were allowed to be exempt from the final. so yeah that rules. ily

[sumastudies]

92 Questions Tag!

Thanks to @createnotes for tagging me!!

LAST: 1. drink: Water 2. phone call: My mom 3. text message: my squad’s gc 4. song you listened to: Devil Side by Foxes 5. time you cried: Yesterday watching my show (Kalp Atisi for those who want to know)

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: no 10. been depressed: maybe? 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: purple, pastels, [rose] gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love:  YES 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: i have no idea 19. met someone who changed you: nope 20. found out who your friends are: yes 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lmao

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I dont even use facebook anymore hahah 23. do you have any pets: no, sadly my parents are stubborn and dont want to get me a kitten 24. do you want to change your name: never really thought about it 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went out for breakfast at Sugar n Spice and then did some shopping 26. what time did you wake up: 9:40 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading marvel shorts on tumblr 28. name something you can’t wait for: getting my shit together this month bfore senior year 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: she’s sitting right in front of me 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: the overbearing-ness my parents seem to have

31. what are you listening to right now: Sultanim by Mustafa Ceceli 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i dont think so, no 33. something that is getting on your nerves: hate on other people for whatever reason, men being trash, and my rising anxiety for senior year 34. most visited websites: lately it’s been tumblr

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. mole/s: a few 36. mark/s: a lot 37. childhood dream: become a doctor 38. hair color: brown 39. long or short hair: medium to long (gonna chop it off this monday yay!) 40. do you have a crush on someone: noooo never doing that again thanks 41. what do you like about yourself: my… i actually have no idea 42. piercings: only on my ears 43. blood type: O neg 44. nickname: suma (my blog name lol) 45. relationship status: single 46. zodiac: aries 47. pronouns: she/her/they/them

48. favorite TV Show: the answer changes every time i start a new show so for now it’s Kalp Atisi 49. tattoos: none 50. right or left hand: right 51. surgery: none 52. hair dyed in different color: nope, i dont think I’m gonna be doing that until i have to 53. sport: nope not me, but i do make it a goal to walk at least 7000 steps a day. that does count, right? 55. vacation: i just got back from a month of turkey, and now im looking at a month of school preparation (and a couple exams along the way) 56. pair of trainers: Adidas Superstars in Rose Gold :)

MORE GENERAL: 57. eating: just ate a cucumber lol 58. drinking: water or iced tea or iced coffee 59. i’m about to: make a daily schedule for my summer 61. waiting for: goddamn senior year, im getting impatient 62. want: to find a book im looking for and start studying ugh 63. get married: probably but definitely NOT ANYTIME SOON 64. career: doctor/surgeon/pharmacist

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: tf i cant choose okay 66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: not much older 70. nice arms or nice stomach: i dont care 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. hook up or relationship: relationship 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: no 75. drank hard liquor: nooo 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: ahaha yes I’ve lost my glasses for a whole week in my own house lmao 77. turned someone down: no one there for me to do that 78. sex on the first date: no 79. broken someone’s heart: i dont know 80. had your heart broken: yes. 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes 83. fallen for a friend: kinda?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: sometimes 85. miracles: not really 86. love at first sight: no 87. santa claus: no 88. kiss on the first date: depends

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: secret 91. eye color: light brown 92. favorite movie: MARVEL, Gifted, DUNKIRK

Tagging: @studyblr @rahaflearns @studytherin @studyfeather @alimastudies @rhubarbstudies @zuzastudy @ceestudies @equaticns

[baycitydreamer-blog]

okay so apparently my school just never lets alts in the photos because the old alts always left in april? which is irrelevant as im clearly staying so fuck them tbh

it honestly wouldnt be bad if people had asked, or you know, NOT given me all the info about the photos (minus the date) which then showed my name not being on it. way to rub it in. a few people were confused as to why i wasnt involved (and became uncomfortable when they realised i wasnt included) and one dude was like ‘its fine youre wearing pink its cherry blossom themed lol’ and that was cool

but then the chick next to me (50s+), who i thought was super cool, when everyone was heading to the photo shes like ‘youre gonna be alone now. alone. we’re gonna take photos so you’ll be alone. bye!’

how fucking unnecessary is that? 

(i dont think she meant it badly, i think she was trying to inform me that i could stay at my desk but in a really awful way)

to add to it, i can see them taking photos from my desk and hear them laughing, so yeah, great

(my head jte came back and asked why i wasnt involved and i told her i didnt know and she felt bad because she thought it was her responsibility and i felt bad because i clearly wasnt asked to join in in the first place so it isnt her fault)

tried to explain to my supervisor and ended up crying while another alt was talking to some other dudes about cool stuff he gets to do at his school. so four people got to see me cry. nice

theres shit happening at home so that sucks and i almost got hit by a bike today. also an old couple literally stopped their car in the middle of the road to gawk at me like im a fucking zoo animal

also, because its graduation season all the high schoolers have gone to get their license. im an april arrival so my international license is expired meaning i need to walk everywhere. my closest work is 30 minutes up a mountain. itd be nice if someone offered a lift but everyones just like ‘wow, isn’t it hard?’ and then laugh when i say yes :))))

this means i cant go to enkais, the rare occasion when i get invited. also, nobody ever invites me to nijikais and we always eat the same fucking food which is usually stuff im not keen on so idk if ill even go to enkais (not like anyone wants to talk to me)

i dont think im super unsociable or awful. so it kinda sucks how people act toward me

especially when one of them confesses to you and you remember he has a wife and kid and he says he ‘hasnt spoken to them in six months’ and ‘cheating is fine’ and ‘what if i say bye bye to my wife? will you date me then?’. this is about three hours after he mentions he was being transferred to a different island so its clear that he was just after one night

im also low key positive the other alts hate me. im pretty sure its my anxiety talking, but im not sure if it is or not. everyone else lives in the same building and they always hang out. we recently discussed getting board games (my idea) and its nice to see theyve gone and got them and played without me. cool. (yes, im a bit jealous and possessive of my ideas and i do get annoyed when people say theyll do stuff with me, but then do it with someone else and then dont want to it with me)

just sick of being second place or the one constantly not invited. and one alt pretty much puts words in my mouth all the time and basically says my opinions are redundant because i dont like kids. i dont hate kids. i have no desire to have kids. i like kids a lot more due to being an alt than i did beforehand because i had practically no exposure to kids. my opinions are still valid. and if anything, they bring a different perspective. 

all of my friends live in osaka/tokyo/fukuoka. id love to live near one of those places. im never going to be anyones ‘’’best friend’’’ but at least i can be with people who genuinely want to hang out with me (some japanese people do here but they live in neighbouring prefectures so it isnt easy)

at the moment, theres really nothing good about my placement. im generally a pretty strong person who can just keep on going, but im at my limit. my town is gross, and smells bad daily due to being a factory town. im gawked at all the time and people feel like they can be rude/in your face just because im foreign (have never had this happen in big cities, i used to live in osaka). my neighbours are super fucking rude (see me and walk back inside). theres nothing in town. or the neighbouring towns. im tired of being second fiddle to the other female alt and having other alts only contact me when they need help.

i want my staff to explain things to me. i missed so many events last year because i wasnt invited. for example, bunkasai. i told kids id come and i wanted to come, but nobody told me dates or anything. i asked about sports day and i was told teachers need to be there by 7, but that didnt apply to me. so i asked when i should come. nobody knew. im honestly so envious of people with decent placements. the best thing i have is my supervisor and she low key hates her job. 

im also worried since it looks like last years 3nen sei teacher at N JHS is still teaching 3 nensei. which means ill never see those kids and i had such an amazing time with them. nice.

i apologise for the negativity, but i dont think i have anyone i can talk to this about. and this tag shouldnt just be positivity, especially with new jets walking into the job soon.

[jarchieriverdale]

I'm writing a Riverdale fanfic (Jarchie mainly, with Beronica on the side) which is one of my first proper fanfics ever. Any general tips or maybe even just tips for being brave enough to actually, you know, share it? I'm feeling so awkward about this entire thing!

Can I first start of with saying: so much kudos to you for wanting to put your fic up! Fandoms getting new fics and writers is always a huge YES because we always need more & definitely welcome it ^_^(This definitely ended up being really long, but I made a list further down if you don’t wanna read all my rambling. I’m not sure what specifically you’re feeling awkward about, but I covered a bunch of stuff :))

Reading this I was like, I’m probably not the best person to ask because I have really bad anxiety ?? but then I was like, actually, you know, that’s why I’m probably one of the best people to ask because HOW the HELL do I manage to do this despite that? And honestly it involves a lot of self-talk + bravery + a fuck-it-I’m-gonna-do-it-who-cares mood. And I have a feeling this post is going to be rather long, but I’ll just talk through my own experience and what I’ve told myself, and maybe it’ll help you (or someone else) as well. :D

(I decided to put this under cut IT’S SO LONG IM SORRY (& if you’re on mobile I’m even more sorry t_t) 

I’ve actually been writing stuff for YEARS. I started fanfics in middle school, before that I was writing my own little stories. Little me in primary school and early middle school, so badly wanting to be a writer (I RP’d a lot between 07-10 as well). But I never shared my writing. SOMETIMES with close friends, if I bought up an original story and they were interested I would send it to them. Otherwise, I wasn’t about to share it with anyone. ESPECIALLY not my fanfics when I started. A lot of my earliest have gone unseen by the world (and myself for years). I’m sure this may apply to a lot of people if you’ve written stuff for years, regardless what type of writing it is. I don’t know if you’ve written other stuff before anon, but if you haven’t that’s okay because we all gotta start somewhere & if you want to share it right away that’s one hell of an achievement and damned awesome. On the other hand, if it’s taken a while, that’s great too. Either way, sharing can be one hell of an anxiety inducing situation.

Okay, so when it came to finally posting stuff up, I’d definitely been writing a while, but at this point I knew I really wanted feedback on my writing, and to see if people enjoyed it, so that was a huge factor in me sharing it online. I’d never find out what people thought if I kept it to myself forever. Critique can sometimes be tough (just before my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 I wrote fanfic elsewhere and definitely had “this sucks” reviews - which isn’t so much a critique, but actually being a dick because they weren’t helpful - and definitely had fics that did rather terribly - still do - but it’s all a learning process & you eventually get used to it).

It’s also important where you post it, AO3 would be best of jarchie and beronica, as well as tumblr. Fanfic.net usually does better with gen fics. They’re the only ones I use, although I have accounts on some other sites I still gotta go on.

So I’ll go through things you should remember if you’re nervous about putting up fics (and things I have to remind/tell myself constantly):: 

1. I’ll start with the fact you’ll definitely get reviews/comments/critique like I said previously. But most people are REALLY REALLY nice, so don’t freak out (I tell myself, as I’m trying to rationalise), and I haven’t had anything terrible since making my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 or fanfic.net. And there are always times your fics won’t get any comments at all– and that’s fine too! I’ve had that happen to me, and in the long run, it doesn’t feel like a huge biggy??Also, sometimes people aren’t gonna like what you do and they’ll say that, but that takes me to a second point–

2. It’s not your problem if somebody doesn’t like something. This is really important to know. You wrote the fic because it’s a concept you wanted to write, and something you really wanted to share and that’s amazing. You put tags on everything in your fic, so the person will go in and know what to expect, so if somebody does say something, then it’s like… “it was in the tags/summary? Why did you read this then? Wtf?” then 0% your fault. (Tagging’s important guys! I do find it hard so if you do too then try! You’ll usually be fine). 

3. In regards to quality of fic, there’s definitely is a lot of amazing stuff out there, and that’s overwhelming. But you gotta know, there’s a lot of bad stuff too. I hate to say it, because it’s the nice thing to say all fic is good, but the reality is that’s not true. Your fic may not be the best (hey it may be damn amazing I haven’t seen it xD), but there’s a damn good chance it’s not going to be the worst either. Say to yourself this fic isn’t terrible, it’s fine. Your quality will improve over time anyway when you grow as a writer (Lord forbid there’s stuff from a year ago I published and I’m like… why did I do that…but that brings me to the next point).

4. SOMEBODY WILL LOVE YOUR FIC, I GUARANTEE THIS. I didn’t know this at first but learnt it quickly and have to remind myself EVERY TIME. Even if, later, you’re going “oh god that fic was a dumb idea”, there will be someone, at some point, who will have loved it and enjoyed it and wished there was more. It may just be one or two people but goddammit your audience is always gonna start small, and if it stays that way it will always be worth it for someone (that someone can be yourself too!). The best feeling is when somebody gets excited from your updates (HUGE reason why people should leave comments if they love a fic, because there’s a lot of people who are passive readers even when they love love LOVE a fic & just leave a kudos, definite issue. But I hope as a fandom we can not be like that?).

5. Your writing is not going to be perfect to you, it’ll never be perfect, you’ll be sure there’s a way something could be written better, but maybe you don’t know how to make it better (especially if you don’t have a beta!). I never expect fics, when I go in to read them, to be perfect. No writer is perfect, even properly published writers. You’re going to have to tell yourself it’s the best you can do RIGHT NOW for THIS fic. Put it through an editing program maybe if it’ll make you feel better (I use prowritingaid sometimes?) or leave the fic and go through it later. It’s gonna be fine.

6. Don’t expect much at first. Sometimes first fics can be very successful for people, but there’s a shit-ton of people where this doesn’t happen and it takes a while. When I first put fics up on AO3 they only got less than 10 kudos or something? You will eventually write something that a lot of people may love, but it can take a while. I think… well I’ll give you an example with the Star Wars fandom– I first wrote TFA & Kylux on AO3 before The Force Awakens had even come out, so obviously I didn’t get a lot of attention. When the movie came out, there was few fanfics but I was already there so a lot of people would read my fics (dunno if they liked them, but since they were some of the ONLY ones that existed they didn’t have much choice ;P). If you’re writing fics in a growing fandom you might be more likely get more attention later on your fics, if only because there’s few choices. Some of my fics still have barely any kudos, but I have nearly 60 fics and they’re gonna be a hit or a miss (& they eventually gather more kudos overtime, so even the worst fics have at least a few). With Jarchie, I was actually surprised I got as many as I did, but this fandom’s in the process of growing and I assume a lot of people are reading all the new fics?? It’s probably good for you actually, to right now put a fic when people are reading it and into it. 

6. It gets easier. Man, I ain’t even kidding, the first time I was putting up a fic I was freaking out like mad, going back and forth between the tag, mouse hovering over the publish button, re-reading a billion and ten times. It was ~kinda~ easier in a fandom where nobody was reading the fics because you definitely don’t expect much, but there were a couple of people who definitely enjoyed the series I was writing once I’d put some stuff up. And as time went on, it got much more easier. There’s a huge gap of time I didn’t put any fics up and it was hard to update again, but now that I did it, it’s once again easier to do it. I still have internal battles with myself over it, but it’s quicker to get over it and much easier to win. 

7. I forgot a note so I’m just gonna add it quickly. But if you’re really weird about it, you can first send it to a friend to look over, or a mutual or something. Or, since I myself never could do that, just tell someone about the idea– and I suggest telling someone you know won’t make a negative comment about it. Sometimes a “that sounds interesting” or “that sounds cool” can be even a little helpful. If you’re lucky, might even go a long way.

Honestly, my mind goes through a whole lot of panic, and sometimes it just takes a good mental day, and some excitement about the concept of my fic, to be able to be brave enough to finally put something up. I usually have low expectations when I share it (being a pessimistic person by nature, so as not to disappoint myself), but I’m like… somebody’s gonna like it at some point, it’s not the worst fic I’ve ever seen, it’ll be okay. And if a fic doesn’t do well, then you just need to put it behind and move on (repress memories haha). Leave it up, don’t take it down, somebody may eventually come across it and love it, but there’s no harm done having fics that don’t do well. It might just be that it’s not gonna appeal to most people, and that’s okay.

At the end of the day your fic’s gonna be okay. There’s a bunch of amazing, unique, horrendously weird, terrible, awful fics out there and the last thing you need to feel is awkward. I know this ended up being a monster of an essay but I hope it’s helped, even a little.

tl;dr? No need to feel awkward, sit yo ass down and just fuckin’ do it. Shit’s crazy.