#I started writing when I was thirteen and from the ages of 13-14 I loved writing relationships from scratch

[usmsgutterson]

if 13-14 year old newbie writer me knew I preferred to write either established relationships or relationships where they were broken up for a loooong period of time before they reunited, I feel like he'd either glare at me, hit me over the head with the nearest frying pan or ask me what the fuck happened.

[niennawept]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @lordoftherazzles and by @thenookienostradamus! Thank you both! These are some cool questions!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Thirteen at the moment (not counting an Adar headcanon collection), but likely to be more soon.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 170,865 (not bad for a year and a quarter)

3. What fandoms do you write for? Tolkien broadly (so far it's been Rings of Power, The Silmarillion, and The Hobbit - no LotR yet, but I do have an idea for one)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Click with caution, all of these but the second one are rated E; apparently, I am mostly known for Adar smut: Scars of Silver and Gold, Because the world is ending, Mistletoe Mischief, Calendar Girl, Until the Stars Burn Out

5. Do you respond to comments? Might take me a bit, but yes, I always do. I figure that someone gave me a little of their time in writing out a comment and I can give them some of mine in return. It's especially fun when people are predicting things; I love hearing what they think will happen.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Mmmm. I think it's probably Scars? Without spoilers, my protagonist lost something very important to her and although there's a lot of good things about that ending - she's still going to have that loss to grieve in the next fic and it'll inform her next arc. I'd say it's still a bittersweet ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I don't really do purely happy endings? I write a lot of hopeful endings, but most of them have some darkness lurking under them. I guess if I have to pick one, it's into the wild because that's technically a fix-it fic with Nienor getting saved by Mablung. Although, I might continue it some day, and it would inevitably get some Nienna-the-Song-is-tinted-with-grief flavoring.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not so far.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Uh, yes. I'm not sure what "what kind" means here? I guess I've written a variety- from kind of dreamlike and romantic to fics featuring BDSM-related kinks.

10. Do you write crossovers? I have never written one. I think that I'd probably never directly write one. But I might do something like shove Elrond into the plot of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight for a bisexual awakening set sometime in the Second Age. Not sure if that's a crossover or just a retelling though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Into Russian, if I remember correctly. It was a long time ago and I'm not in that fandom anymore.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yeah, I'd say my THAUC piece counts as co-written in the sense that my artist partner and I talked through the main ideas and beats of the story together.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Uhhh for Tolkien, I'm afraid I don't have one (I like a lot of ships, but there's not one all-consuming one). So - I guess I pick Sesshomaru/Kagome from Inuyasha? That's the pairing I read when I don't know what else to read.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't start a lot of WIPs. I have a lot more ideas for fics than I have documents or text written, but I do have a Finrod piece that I'm not sure I'll ever finish. I have a lingering idea that might save it, but I think that needs more time in the oven.

16. What are your writing strengths? Mmm - I think worldbuilding, specifically for culture is one of my strengths. I also think that I have a pretty good ability to make OCs that people care about (something that was important with a mostly OC cast).

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with internality a lot. I find thoughts cumbersome to write, because I process most things by talking them out or writing them down. I also think I could tighten up the cast of characters and subplots. It's something I'll definitely be careful with in novels going forward.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? It really depends on the fic. In Tolkien's world, I think so much of culture is tied up in language that it's a little hard not to include some bits and snatches of other languages. It's important to provide translations in text, I think, but otherwise, go for it if it's important to your characters and your plot.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Alas, I don't talk about that fandom anymore. The author turned out to be terrible.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Definitely Scars of Silver and Gold. It's my first completed longfic and I'm very proud of it, honestly. Are there some things I'd do differently? Yes. But I do love it. Honorable mention to peaches we devour, dusty skin and all. The YEARNING.

tagging (no pressure, just love): @runawaymun, @polutrope, @melestasflight, @fishing4stars

[queenpiranhadon]

😭

Grief is when your Alexa plays Change from Steven Universe and then immediately played the full We Are the Crystal Gems intro that Steven writes when he's 14.

spoilers below the cut!

Just think about it. Please.

Now, I know this conversation has been brought up amongst many different fandoms when it comes to leaving it to freaking CHILDREN to save the world, but just think about it from Steven's perspective.

The kid's 13 when the series starts, THIRTEEN. And to so many people including myself that's normal.

But Steven is far from normal, even more than typical coming of age/fantasy protagonists. Most of these characters, whether it be Percy Jackson, or Harry Potter, or even Sophie Foster, have had some mentor and a large group of friends to support them every step of the way.

Now obviously, no one is exactly like these people, at the time, Percy and everyone around him figured him to be the child of the Great Prophecy, and had to come to terms with dying at the tender age of 15. But Percy had the entirety of Camp Halfblood with him.

Harry was the literal Chosen One, having to fight against Voldemort, ACTUALLY DIE, and make decisions that even his predecessors couldn't do. But Harry had all of Hogwarts to back him up.

Sophie's the freaking moonlark, she's got to save the world with her funky genetics and highly powerful abilities even though she's still figuring everything out. But Sophie had all her friends, their families (sans Keefe), the Council on occasion and the entire Black Swan to aid her when she needed it.

But in Steven's universe (haha get it?) he's the only one just like him. Sure Sophie's ultra powerful, but she's not the only elf. Sure Harry's the chosen one, but he's not the only wizard. Percy's not the only demigod either.

But Steven?

He's so uniquely different, so enigmatic that absolutely no one could possibly relate to him whatsoever because his situation is so tragic and yet so intricate that he's really all alone. Sure, he has the Crystal gems, his dad, Connie, Onion, and whoever else you want to say.

But are any of them anything like him?

The gems lack human genetics, therefore he feels more vulnerable around them, not quite these celestial all mighty beings that was really never die if their gem is never shattered.

Greg, Connie, Onion, all his human friends, they experience humanity to the fullest, being able to experience aging, change, just the sheer ability to live, something Steven can do, but yet, it's still different, he's still left out, because of his gem DNA.

The diamonds? All they see is Pink Diamond, and all Steven is, is a little boy who's sick and tired of playing janitor for matters way above his own.

A fourteen year old, playing diplomat for three ultra powerful beings with attachment issues and the ability to warp their own kind??

These days, all fourteen year olds worry about are their finals, and whether or not their crush likes them (though to be fair, Steven has his own fair share of that).

But the real kicker is that everyone else had a chance at a normal life.

Harry lived without the knowledge of magic for eleven years, Percy and Sophie around the same age.

Steven was introduced to this crazy world of gems since he was born, and he loved it.

He didn't feel the stress or the burden of being who he was, he just was happy being who we was.

He never faced the struggle of just fitting in and finding out who he was in a world of chaos, he was really just…Steven

So you can imagine the horror he must’ve went through went his whole world, his space, his bubble, turns into knives the moment the lies start unraveling into one giant conspiracy.

Any other protagonist knew the dangers of their world and knew the risks they would have to face. A world of loneliness turned into one of belonging

Steven?

He had to face a world of belonging finally turning into one of loneliness.

To me, the world form of torture is to give someone happiness and then take it away.

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Expanding into my other Fandoms (I’m gonna have to take a stance) Read the whole thing please.

One of my oldest and most beloved anime is Inuyasha. As of late I have been binged watching the hell out of it as I am getting my BFF into different anime shows. We are really close to entering the Yashahime part of the series, and she asked if I planned to write fanfiction involving the one character which made me even watch the show as a 10-year-old.

Sesshomaru

The first episode I ever watched involved this aloof, entitled dog fighting his brother over the sword in their father’s grave. Specifically, it was part 3 of that whole episode series were Kagome pulled out the sword. I at the time had 3 dogs of German Sheppard/wolf hybrid, they were MASSIVE dogs, fell in love with the big white fluff that was Sesshomaru’s demon form. I use to sneak staying up and watch the show faithfully to see the goodest boy as it was only on at 11pm EST on adult swim. Which meant it was bad and I was breaking the rules, I felt like a rebel.

Now I hesitated answering that question. She has no idea of what is in Yashahime, she is being careful not to spoil it so I told her I didn’t know. Recently, to find out what the feel is for Sesshomaru content, I looked into the tag on tumblr…

OH MY GOD.

Sesshomaru’s tag is FLOODED with hate. Like every four post, there is hate, distain, and attacking happening. As someone who watches Yashahime, I quickly knew why.

Sessrin.

Even now I sigh. And I sigh HARD. I am not for, nor am I against the Sessrin train. Same for the Sesskagu train. I think both sides need to look at things on a logical prospective. I plan to do just that. I know I will get hate from the either side and maybe some support as well. But if I am going to do anything in this fandom (as I like doing ships and reader inserts) it will come up.

So, like my Kaiba post, and my Sebastian Heel post, I will use my research skills as well as my COLLEGE DEGREE WHICH HAS BOTH ART AND MEDIEVAL HISTORY labelled on it to explain why this progression in the story is normal to anti-Sessrin fans and why this isn’t a crime by story standards nor should we look at it as a crime.

AS WELL

Explain to Sessrin fans why it is so weird for non-shippers to see it play out and why so much hate formed.

As I let out another sigh, we shall begin. Let’s start at an historical prospective. (Links at the bottom).

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING! I’LL BE ABLE TO TELL!

~~

I will start with the information I can access right away.

While finding charts on the life-span of common folk in 1590’s Feudal Japan is rather difficult, Ancient.edu states that the average lifespan was about 50. To put this in perspective, the average lifespan of Europeans at the time was somewhere between 40-45 with the latter being rare. Since most of us reading are not from Japanese descent, I will through Europe in this first.

If we look at the same time frame of 1590, we are looking at most of Western Europe had now entered the age of Renaissance. According to sources from Learning Resources in association with the National Gallery of Art, marriage was not what TV drama’s from HBO or Hulu depicted. By today standards they would be a crime, as the average age for marriage of an adult female was age 14…

The reasoning behind the young marriage age had multiple factors. First being, females were considered an adult once they were menstruating. Birthing also proved to be fatal, and since the lifespan was at best 40 and 45 if they were lucky, there was really no room to wait. Also Europe at the time had became hugely focused on making sure blood lines were legitimate, meaning to ensure the girl was a virgin, the moment she was able to reproduced she was married off. Those they married were not young teenagers either. Most marriages, a man would be in their thirties, and had probably multiple wives as women died more than men when not counting the battle field.

To make matters worse for the Renaissance Lady, these marriages would leave many young males unable to marry and if their husband died in battle, well, unfortunately they were not seen as desirable. This was due to the idea of a ‘free woman’. Should the girl not have a father, brother or uncle to return to as they too died, a widow had her freedom. But that freedom came at a cost. She would be assumed to have slept around, and in many writings, such as the Canterbury Tales, where Geoffrey Chaucer writes about a Window on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land survived her five husbands and the men in her family. In short, she was made to be a slut and to be looked down upon as no man controlled her.

The point of talking about Europe is because that is something most of us Non-Asian or Japanese people consume and like to paint in large romantic brush strokes of knights and magic. Honestly, reading G.R.R.Martin Song of Ice and Fire, he uses this model as we see the Queen of Dragons, Danny start off at age thirteen shortly after she had her first menstruation.  

Now let’s look at Feudal Japan.

As stated before, the lifespan was around 50 years. In some populations, this was even shorter. Nagaoka, Hirata, Yokota and Matsu’ura’s on demographic data at the Yuigahama-minami area in Kamakura, Japan and found both male and female remains that suggested life expectancy to have ended around age 24-25. This was largely due to living conditions and public health. In areas like these, it would make the most sense to marry and repopulate quickly as the expectancy of life was half the national average at the time.

To my frustration, I could not find a clear marriage age for Japanese women at the time of the edo period. HOWEVER, where there is a will there is a way. I took a look at famous Lords or Daimyo’s of the time. The average age of marriage of their wives was between 12-14. Much younger than I expected, but it made sense considering this is a time where war ran the show and marriage was strictly about political gain. One of these Daimyo’s was Masamune Date, who was also 13, but then as he got older took concubines who became considerably younger than him as he became older. The goal was to have as many children as possible for hires and for political marriages to gain power.

Now lets look at Inuyasha the MANGA

Lets get the manga timeline proper here. The whole adventure took place in 11 months, a month shy of Kagome’s 16th birthday. Doing a few estimations, Rin would have travelled with Sesshomaru about 8-9 of those months. But before we get into the relationship, lets look at something the ANIME made a huge mistake with in the beginning and tried to fix as the story went on.

For some reason I could only fine gifs for the Early appearances of Sesshomaru so bear with me.

Early appearances in the manga

 ^ He was so fickle and a trickster then...

Now early apperances in the anime.

Later appearance in the manga

Laster appearance in the anime

Notice the issue here? 

Sesshomaru was CONSIDERABLY younger looking in the start of the manga. In the anime, he started off looking like an fully adult male. But as the anime went on, they tried to make Sesshomaru look younger with subtle changes to his jaw line, eye size, and his height. Yeah, his height had changed. They made him shorter.

While in the manga, we see this young-teen looking demon, slowly mature over 11 months to look like he is in his later teens and by series end, closer to being in his late teens or twenty. Yes, art changes over time, but the anime went a reverse route. I can only guess they spoke to the author of Inuyasha about her ships, as they did Drama CDs, and realized the mistake that was made in making him more mature than he was.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t look closer to his manga self in the final act, because he does.

Since we are on the topic of the anime, lets be clear. The anime timeline and manga timeline are very different. The story in the anime (in the English) suggests that OVER a year has past since Kagome started her journey. They try to fix this in the final act, but it was still so muddled as previous seasons are to be taken as cannon. This could have been due to an translation error in the early production when the anime no longer had anymore manga material to reference. But whatever the case, for English viewers the time the group spent together felt much longer.

So now we come to the heart of the issue.

Because of the mistakes of the anime, a lot of anti-sessrin see the relationship as father daughter. I’ll be honest, watching the anime and solely the anime as a teenager and as an adult (as the manga was on hold for a very long time due to author’s health. I was in college when it finished.), I too thought it was just a father-daughter relationship and Jaken the nanny who got punched all the time. In fact, the English took hard liberties with Kagura, as the English dubs often do with characters, and made it very clear her feelings for the demon lord and Sesshomaru very much recognized them (though he never responded). Even in her death scene, it felt as if he was saying good bye to a friend more than love interest. But who really knows, as there are things that point otherwise.  When another demon mock’s Kagura’s death, Sesshomaru gets super pissy.

The manga did also play with this fact when it came out in English, idk if the wording or message is different in the Japanese. Translation errors happen a lot even in todays releases, look at Kuroshitsuji.  So of course most anti-sessrin’s did not see this coming in Yashahime when Rin was named mother. In fact it felt like a betrayal as we were sure Sesshomaru had no romantic feelings.

Then there was the Kohaku/Rin mashup that was hinted left and right. The English anime, with its overly dramatic and blunt emotions made it appear one way. That in the end the two kids would probably be married. Then the anime as a whole made Sesshomaru older than intended. I can see why and understand how this became a problem.

On the other side of that coin.

If you followed the dub, seen ‘Swords of an Honorable Ruler’ and read the manga… Sesshomaru was not fatherly to Rin at all. In fact, Jaken picked up all of that leg work. Rin worried for Kohaku, but clearly loved Lord Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru cared about Kagura but he almost CRIED when he lost Rin.

We have to remember that Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship must have been very hard for the demon. While we never see his mental process expect for a few rare times, we have to remember he hated humans. In the movie, he blamed a human for the early death of his father, Sesshomaru killed without mercy. It made sense that he wouldn’t be fatherly to Rin as her just being there should have caused countless inner conflicts. Hell, he even says his father’s weakness was humans, and look who picked up that trait.

Sesshomaru was designed to, someday, walk in his father’s footsteps. So sess/rin, not a surprise. Also when you see it in a historical perspective, Rin having kids around age 15-16, makes sense. In fact you could argue he waited too long for the time period.

We also need to look more at the manga when concerned with Yashahime. 8-9 months is all Rin travelled with him and he was like hold up, and left her at the village because he KNEW she needed to come to her own conclusion. That no matter what she picked he would live with and protect her. Unconditional love on his end. She cannon wise spent YEARS living with humans and MONTHS with Sesshomaru. Again, by manga standards of cannon.

Now I can already hear the screaming about age and what not. Some sources say Sesshomaru is over 900, by the rule of thumb, if we look at anime and movie releases, we have Sesshomaru being over 500 with no define age and Inuyasha around 270 years old being more pinpointed due to the movie. Just by going by ANIME CANNON. Kagome and Inuyasha, you have a 15 year old with a 270 year old man. If you say being pinned to the tree doesn’t count, then you have 220.

Also, here is something very interesting. In the episode where Inuyasha meets the unmother, he tells her, thinking it was his mom, she died when he was very small and we have flash backs later in the series of him being small running from demons. Demons clearly age much slower than humans, even half-demons. Inuyasha can be 270 but mentally and physically be 15, the same logic works for Sesshomaru, who in the manga is not much older than Inuyasha.

In the manga, there wasn’t any grooming, in the anime, there was a ton of mess-ups but no grooming.

Would this fly in todays world? HELL NO! NO, its gross, she’s a kid. Stop.

I know any fanfic I write will lean heavily on the side of father/daughter because that is what I grew up seeing on the screen. I can’t think of Rin as an adult because years of seeing her as a cheerful little girl. It’s like seeing G.O.T Arya about to have sex for the first time in season 8… I remember when she was a kid on the show. It was way to weird and I had to look away until it ended. But that’s my 2021 mentality.

But Inuyasha is not taking place in 2021. Feudal Japan is a whole other era with its own beliefs, morals and way of life. Those who understand this have nothing wrong with them. They just understand history.

Also, just to bang some nails in…

Anyone remember Bleach? Remember the MOST accepted couple was Ichigo and Rukia…. Rukia who was hundreds of years old and Ichigo who was 15… or Ichigo’s mom who was a teenager and his dad also hundreds of years old.

Most of this also boils down to Sesshomaru being a dude. As in reverse roles in animes its accepted and they don’t have the same historical context. Inuyasha is based off of historical context of Feudal Japan.

We need to stop spreading hate. We can’t accept some forms of literature because its European fantasy but bash other fantasy based literature for doing the same thing.

Sure, its weird for those who were use to seeing the father/daughter dynamic. Yes, there are extreme sessrin fans who post really questionable illegal content when they decide to leave Rin as an 8-year-old…

But this wasn’t ever meant to be perverted. The story was meant to make sense on a logical and historical base.

I hope everyone takes the time to read this. I love Inuyasha, I love Sesshomaru. I am just sick of seeing so many people fighting over what should be the revival of a beloved series. While yes, there is still room for sess/rin not being a thing, until it is stated otherwise, why hate each other? This fandom will only lose people by doing this. Calling people names or accusing them of illegal endorsement can hurt someone these days over social media.

Tumblr allows you to block tags. You don’t have to read anything or watch anything you don’t like. We gain nothing from attacking each other but can lose so much by doing so. Fanart, really good fan fiction, friends, ideas, sharing fond memories. Both sides have the right to feel as they feel, but no right in hurting each other.

A fandom is meant to bring people together. Not start a war…

Thank you.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajpa.20402

http://www.italianrenaissanceresources.com/units/unit-2/essays/husbands-and-wives/#:~:text=Marriage%20not%20only%20reflected%20order,to%20ensure%20the%20bride's%20virginity.

https://www.ancient.eu/Canterbury_Tales/

https://www.ancient.eu/article/1424/daily-life-in-medieval-japan/#:~:text=Just%20as%20Japanese%20people%20today,in%20Western%20Europe%2C%20for%20example.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megohime

[veraynes-blog]

Fic Writer Review

Tagged by the lovely @1-of-those-things. It’s been a while since I’ve been particularly active on here, so it’s nice to hear from people! 

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Thirteen! There are some more on older sites I might eventually bring over. 

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

396,428 (I only realised the other day it was this high!) 

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Seven, if we’re just counting AO3. Probably a few others if you take into account older works. 

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Unspoken (526) - Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master. The fic that took over my brain and brought me back to fandom for the first time in years! 

Unbound (443) - Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master. Part 2 of the Time Lords Victorious series. 

The Secret’s in the Telling [2021 Edit] (388) - Harry Potter, Harry/Draco. This was one of the first big fics I wrote back in 2008, so I decided to give it a polish and update when I brought it over to Ao3. 

False Start (189) - Doctor Who, Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master. This was a lot of fun, inspired by a tumblr conversation in which we were speculating what would happen if the Doctor and the Master woke up from a joint regeneration not remembering which one was which. 

Novelty (169) - Life on Mars, Sam Tyler/Gene Hunt. Part 1 of my Godawful Small Affair series. 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes, absolutely, I always try to. It genuinely means so much to me when people give feedback and responses to my work. Also, being chatty in comments and replies is how I met a lot of friends in fandom, I love when people are willing to hold a conversation with me about a plot point or character interpretation. 

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Honestly, I don’t tend to write angsty endings. Unbound came close to having something of an angsty ending (I won’t spoiler), but even that I ended up changing when I came to actually writing it. 

7. Do you write crossovers?

I did when I was much younger, between some anime shows I used to be interested in. Now, not so much, as I find each fandom has its own distinct feel and style. 

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Uhhhh, a little. Not so much in the Ao3 comments, but when I wrote Inhale, I remember getting some very dubious/aggressive comments in the tumblr reblogs I wasn’t happy with. It does cover some controversial matters I suppose, but nothing beyond the realms of canon?? 

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, definitely. I generally like it to be contained within a wider story, but I may have indulged in the odd PWP on occasion... 

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, I think there are a few copied versions of The Secret’s in the Telling floating about. It was a popular fic when it was first published, and I remember people would occasionally tell me in the comments they’d found it on such-and-such a site under different authors. I gave up trying to keep track. 

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Yes, there are multiple translations of The Secret’s in the Telling into different languages! 

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Myself and the wonderful @johnsimms wrote a jokey, informal fic together about the Tenth Doctor, Simm!Master and Donna called The Love Island AU that still makes me laugh honestly. That’s the only one, but I always liked the idea of collab. 

13. All time fav ship?

Doctor/Master is right up there, and definitely the one I've produced the most content for. I’m also very fond of Hannibal/Will and wish I had the energy/ideas to produce work that really explored their characters. 

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I actually have about 20k written of the third part of the Time Lord Victorious series, and I’m gutted that I can’t figure out how to finish it or find the right inspiration to go back. Maybe one day... 

15. Writing strengths?

Dialogue is a big one for me, I think. One of my favourite things about writing fanfic is learning the verbal ticks of how characters speak and being able to mimic it in my own writing, I take a lot of satisfaction from that. I think I’m also pretty good at analysing characters and using that to explore their motivations and development in a story. 

16. Writing weaknesses?

Plot??? I feel like I never have a strong plot, I just write extended character analysis and conversations. 

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Honestly, I’ve never tried. It’s not something I’d attempt, I’ve got no talent for other languages. 

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Beyblade, back when I was about 15 or so! 

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

My favourite almost always tends to be my most recent, because I can see how I’ve improved and it’s usually about my latest interest. So for the moment that’s Anything But Temptation - Dragon Age Inquisition, Cullen/Dorian. 

That said, I also have a massive soft spot for Unspoken. 

20. Tag!

Like I said, I haven’t been super active on here for a while so I’ve lost track of a lot of people, sorry. If anyone’s interested please consider this a tag! 

@johnsimms @linz33y @lasersonicked @riathel @countessrivers

[fuckyeahisawthat]

First line game

Tagged by the brilliant @ferrame ages ok like a week ago.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors.

Twenty seemed like so many but only takes me back to the beginning of 2019. I write a lot of one-shots. Also somehow we pass through every fandom I have written for.

1. No Use Pretending, Trust (2018), E, 4k, Paul/Primo

He hadn’t meant to see Paul again.

2. Three Times Is a Habit, Trust (2018), E, 10k, Paul/Primo

It becomes clear, very soon after Paul comes home, that no one wants to hear what happened to him.

3. Roadside, South of Rome, Trust (2018), T, 2k, Paul & Primo

I’ll kill him.

4. The Deal, Trust (2018), M, 6k, Leonardo/Regina, Leonardo/Primo

As long as they’ve been married, there have been things Regina has been perfectly content not to ask about.

5. Twenty Questions, Trust (2018), E, 4k, Leonardo/Primo

“First time you did anything with a guy.”

6. Promises and Threats, Trust (2018), E, 12k, Leonardo/Primo, Leonardo/Regina

Primo is thirteen and Leonardo is twenty-four, picking glass out of Primo’s hair at the kitchen table late at night.

7. Two Battles Fifty Years Apart, The Old Guard, M, 12k (WIP), Joe/Nicky

(I kNOW I left them in the middle of a heckin battle but I swear I will come back and finish this some day, this is exactly why I don’t write longfics gdi)

They are lying tangled together in Yusuf’s bed, in his rented lodgings in al-Quds, sweat still cooling between their bodies, when his lover says, “This is the last time we can meet like this.”

8. For the Long Haul, The Old Guard, M, 4k, Joe/Nicky but really an ensemble fic

By the time they reach the unassuming block of flats in Tower Hamlets, the momentary swoop of relief at having escaped the lab is gone, and Joe is practically vibrating with unspent adrenaline.

9. A Messy Situation, Good Omens, M, 2k, Aziraphale/Crowley

Look, the details of how Aziraphale wound up at the orgy in the wee hours of the morning are not important.

10. Wing Thing, Good Omens, G, 4k, Aziraphale/Crowley

The first thunderstorm in the history of Earth is furious but brief.

11. Free Agents, Good Omens, G, 1k, Aziraphale/Crowley

“Crowley?”

12. Closer, Mad Max Fury Road, E, 9k (WIP), Furiosa/Max

(I swear I will finish this one too some day, yes I kNOW it’s been one chapter away from completion for a year)

When Max first comes back, he sleeps in his car.

13. Dessert, Good Omens, E, 3k, Aziraphale/Crowley

In the length of the short walk from the park to the Ritz, Aziraphale becomes acutely aware of just how desperately he wants Crowley.

14. In a City Under Aerial Bombardment, Good Omens, G, 3k, Aziraphale/Crowley

He’s in the car.

15. Hell to Pay, Good Omens, T, 3k, Aziraphale/Crowley

Crowley has tested out, over his millennia on Earth, just what exactly he can get away with doing without Hell noticing.

16. The Human Way, Good Omens, E, 3k, Aziraphale/Crowley

Demons weren’t supposed to have wants.

17. Drunk Theology, Good Omens, G, 3k, Aziraphale/Crowley

They had been day drinking, four days after the world didn’t end.

18. Smite Response, Good Omens, G, 1k, Aziraphale/Crowley

They are taking a walk in the park, at twilight, because it’s something to do and they both stubbornly, silently keep finding reasons to be in the same space in the days after Armageddidn’t.

19. Last Night on Earth, Good Omens, G, 1k, Aziraphale/Crowley

He had not intended to get off the bus when it stopped directly in front of Crowley’s building.

20. Fireworks, Venom, G, 1k, Eddie/Venom

He used to love fireworks.

Once I line them all up like this there is one pattern that is hilariously obvious, if not really surprising, about my first lines. A lot of them answer the “why now?” question, as in, why are we watching these characters right now? It’s that story-starting principle of “Every day, X. One day, Y.” So I have lots of first lines like “He hadn’t meant to see Paul again.” (Spoiler alert: he does.) And “Demons weren’t supposed to have wants.” (Spoiler alert: he does.) And “He used to love fireworks.” (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t anymore, and the fic is about why.) Because I like to tell you what the fic is about in the very first line, apparently.

There is also one principle that I really internalized from my screenwriting background, which is “enter late, leave early.” Which sounds like some archaic birth control advice but just means, start the scene at the latest possible point where we can understand what’s happening, and end it as soon as the substantive point of the scene has happened. Now this is something I do so automatically I often don’t even really think about it. This also means my first lines often end up being fairly straightforward scene-setting, since I am dropping you into the action once it’s already started and I want to orient you quickly.

My first lines tend toward the pragmatic more often than the poetic, but of all of these I think I am most fond of the opening of Promises and Threats. It’s not always that I can manage a first line that’s a microcosm of the whole fic, but here we’ve got intimacy in the midst of violence, Primo trusting Leo, and we set up the pattern of the first half of the fic, where we drop in on them at different ages as we watch Primo change in Leo’s eyes from a child who needs his care to an adult man he realizes he’s attracted to (but who still needs his care).

Tagging @fadagaski, @primarybufferpanel, @sacrificethemtothesquid, @bethagain, @lurkinghistoric, @v8roadworrier and @thebyrchentwigges and anyone else who wants to do this!

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2020

My main takeaways:

I’m glad that I set certain reading goals this year (i.e., reading an even mix of different genres and writing about each book I read on this tumblr). I feel like it really expanded my horizons.

There are a lot of proper names on my Top 20 list this year, which possibly means something about identity? That, or I just tried to read more Victorian novels. 

Be horny, and be kind.

Now...

20. The White Mountains by John Christopher (1967)

In a world ruled by unseen creatures who roam the countryside in tall metal tripods, all humans are “capped” (surgically fitted with metal plates on their heads) at age fourteen. Thirteen-year-old Will Parker looks forward to becoming a man, but a conversation with a mysterious visitor to his village raises a few doubts. This early YA dystopia has gorgeous world-building (notably a trip to the ruins of Paris) and expert pacing. The choices Will has to make are also more surprising and complicated than I ever anticipated.

19. What Happened at Midnight by Courtney Milan (2013)

John Mason wants revenge on his fiancée Mary after she skips town following her father’s death...apparently with the funds that her father, John’s business partner, embezzled from their company. When he tracks her down, though, she’s working as a lady’s companion to the wife of a controlling gentleman who refuses to pay her wages, and John’s fury turns to sympathy and curiosity. This is a smart, well-plotted Victorian-set novella about a couple who builds a better relationship after a rocky start.

18. Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (1943)

It’s 1773, and fourteen-year-old Bostonian Johnny Tremain has it all: a promising apprenticeship to a silversmith, the run of his arguably senile master’s household, and...unresolved grief over his widowed mother’s death? When a workplace “accident” ruins his hand and career, though, he must “forge” a new identity. Despite its jingoism and surfeit of historical exposition, I fell in love with this weird early YA novel. It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking portrayal of disability and ableism, and, to be fair, Forbes was just jazzed about fighting the Nazis.

17. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf by Hayley Krischer (2020)

After universally beloved jock Sean Nessel rapes starry-eyed junior Ali Greenleaf at a party, his queen-bee friend Blythe Jensen agrees to smooth things over by befriending his victim. Ali knows Blythe’s motives are weird and sketchy, but being friends with a popular, exciting girl is preferable to dealing with the fallout of the rape. This YA novel is a complex, astute exploration of trauma and moral responsibility.

16. The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein (2017)

Rothstein details how the federal U.S. government allowed, encouraged, and sometimes even forcibly brought about segregation of black and white Americans during the early and mid-twentieth century, with no regard for the unconstitutionality of its actions. He brings home the staggering harm to black Americans who were kept from living in decent housing, shut out of home ownership for generations, and denied the opportunity to accumulate wealth for generations. It’s an impactful read, and I was honestly shocked to learn Rothstein isn’t a lawyer, because the whole thing reads like an expansion of an excellent closing statement.

15. My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf (2012)

In this graphic memoir, Backderf looks back on his casual, fleeting friendship with future serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, a high school classmate who amused Backderf and his geeky friends with bizarre, chaotic antics. Backderf brings their huge, impersonal high school to life, illustrating how the callousness and cruelty of such an environment allowed an isolated, troubled teen to morph into something much more disturbing without anyone really noticing. It’s a work of baffled, tentative empathy and regret that stayed with me long after I finished it.

14. Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1876)

Gwendolyn Harleth, beautiful and ambitious but with no real outlet, finds herself compelled to marry a heartless gentleman with a shady past. Daniel Deronda, adopted son of her husband’s uncle, finds himself drawn into her orbit due to his helpful nature, but he’s also dealing with a lot of other stuff, like helping a Jewish opera singer and figuring out his parentage. I love George Eliot and, although this bifurcated novel isn’t her most accessible work, it’s highly rewarding. The psychological twists and turns of Gwendolyn’s story are a wonder to experience, and Daniel’s discovery of his past and a new community is moving.

13. The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (2004)

The Roths, an ordinary working-class Jewish family in 1940 Newark, find their quiet lives descending into fear, uncertainty, and strife after Charles Lindbergh, celebrity pilot and Nazi sympathizer, becomes president of the United States. This alternate history/faux-memoir perfectly captures the slow creep of fascism and the high-handed cruelty of state-sanctioned discrimination, as well as the weirdness of living a semi-normal life while all of that is going on. Also: fuck Herman and Alvin for messing up Bess’s coffee table! She is a queen, and she deserves to read Pearl S. Buck in a pleasant setting!

12. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens (1850)

Young David Copperfield has an idyllic life with his sweet widowed mom and devoted nursemaid Peggotty, until his cruel stepfather ruins everything. David eventually manages to find safe harbor with his eccentric aunt, but his troubles have only begun. Although the quality of the novel falls off a little once David becomes an adult, I don’t even care; the first half is one of the most beautiful, funny, brilliantly observed portrayals of the joys and sorrows of childhood that I’ve ever read.

11. The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve by Stephen Greenblatt (2017)

Greenblatt examines the evolution and cultural significance of the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible to the modern day (but mostly it’s about Milton). I can’t speak to the scholarship of this book--I’m not an expert on the Bible or Milton or bonobos--but I do know that it’s a gorgeously written meditation on love, mortality, and free will. Greenblatt brought me a lot of joy as an unhappy teenager, and he came through for me again during the summer of 2020.

10. The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019)

Self-conscious seventeen-year-old Jordan is mortified when his widowed mother hires Max, an outgoing jock from his school, to help out with their struggling food truck. As they get to know each other, though, they realize that they have more in common than they thought, and they end up helping each other through a particularly challenging summer. This is an endearing, exceedingly well-balanced YA romance that tackles serious issues with a light touch and a naturalness that’s rare in the genre.

9. Red as Blood by Tanith Lee (1983)

In nine wonderfully lurid stories, Tanith Lee retells fairy tales with a dark, historically grounded, and lady-centered twist. Highlights include a medieval vampiric Snow White, a vengeful early modern Venetian Cinderella, and a Scandinavian werewolf Little Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale retellings are right up my alley, and Lee’s collection is impressively varied and creative.

8. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster (1908)

Unnerved by an impulsive make-out session with egalitarian George Emerson on a trip to Florence, young Edwardian woman Lucy Honeychurch goes way too far the other way and gets engaged to snobbish Cecil Vyse. How can she get out of this emotional and social pickle? This is an absolutely delightful romance that gave a timeless template for romantic comedies and dramas for 100-plus years.

7. My Ántonia by Willa Cather (1918)

Jim Burden, a New York City lawyer, tells the story of his friendship with slightly older Bohemian immigrant girl Ántonia when they were kids together on the late-nineteenth-century Nebraska prairie. It was a pretty pleasant time, give or take a few murders, suicides, and attempted rapes. This is one of the sweetest stories about unrequited love I’ve ever read, and it has some really enjoyable queer subtext.

6. Mister Death’s Blue-Eyed Girls by Mary Downing Hahn (2012)

In 1956 Maryland, gawky teen Nora’s peaceful existence is shattered by the unsolved murder of her friends Cheryl and Bobbi Jo right before summer vacation. Essentially left to deal with her trauma alone, she begins to question everything, from her faith in God to the killer’s real identity. Hahn delivers a beautiful coming-of-age story along with a thoughtful portrait of how a small community responds to tragedy.

5. The Lais of Marie de France by Marie de France, with translation and introduction/notes by Robert Herring and Joan Ferrante (original late 12th century, edition 1995) 

In twelve narrative poems, anonymous French-English noblewoman Marie de France spins fantastically weird tales of love, lust, and treachery. Highlights include self-driving ships, gay (?) werewolves, and more plot-significant birds than you can shake a stick at. Marie de France brings so much tenderness, delicacy, and startling humor to her stories, offering a wonderful window to the distant past.

4. Maus by Art Spiegelman (1980-1991)

In this hugely influential graphic novel/memoir, Art Spiegelman tells the story of how his Polish Jewish parents survived the Holocaust. He portrays all the characters as anthropomorphic animals; notably, the Jewish characters are mice and the Nazi Germans are cats. I read the first volume of Maus back in 2014 and, while I appreciated and enjoyed it, I didn’t get the full impact until I read both volumes together early in 2020. Spiegelman takes an intensely personal approach to his staggering subject matter, telling the story through the lens of his fraught relationship with his charismatic and affectionate, yet truly difficult father. 

3. At the Dark End of the Street by Danielle L. McGuire (2010)

McGuire looks at a seldom-explored aspect of racism in the Jim Crow South (the widespread rape and sexual harassment of black women by white men) and the essential role of anti-rape activism led by black women during the Civil Rights movement. This is a harrowing yet tastefully executed history, and it’s also a truly inspirational story of collective activism.

2. In for a Penny by Rose Lerner (2010)

Callow Lord Nevinstoke has to mature fast when his father dies, leaving him an estate hampered by debts and extremely legitimate grievances from angry tenant farmers. To obtain the necessary funds, he marries (usually!) sensible brewing heiress Penelope Brown, but they face problems that not even a sizable cash infusion can fix. This is a refreshingly political romance with a deliciously tense atmosphere and fascinating themes, as well as an almost painfully engaging central relationship.

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (1814)

Fanny Price, the shy and sickly poor relation of the wealthy Bertram family, is subtly mistreated by most of her insecure and/or self-absorbed relatives, with the exception of her kind cousin Edmund. When the scandalous Crawford siblings visit the neighborhood, though, it shakes up her life for good and ill. I put off reading Mansfield Park for years--it’s practically the last bit of Austen writing that I consumed, including most of her juvenilia--and yet I think it’s my favorite. Fanny is an eminently lovable and interesting heroine, self-doubting and flawed yet possessed of a strong moral core, and the rest of the characters are equally realistic and compelling. Austen really made me think about the point of being a good person, both on a personal and a global scale.

[mintypineapple]

dw ask game 1-36 and 38-100 DON'T ANSWER NUMBER 37 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT CRYING

DaThanks, anon who is probably @truestoriesaboutme!

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

Depends. What do you consider a child? I saw Doctor Who for the first time when I was 16 or 17. Does that count? Let’s say that it does. I did enjoy it.

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

16.

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

An Unearthly Child. I wanted to watch it all in order! Still do! My first New Who episode was “Blink,” as forced upon me by @raisegrate. I did enjoy it.

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I didn’t at the time, but I do now. I have a couple of screwdrivers, a Fourth Doctor, an Ice Warrior, and not-quite-Legos of Doctors 1-11. (-WD)

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

N/A.

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

N/A. Nothing scares me.

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

N/A. I get all jokes/stories.

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

That the only way to watch it was from the very beginning. I eventually gave in and watched New Who before finishing Classic Who.

9. Who introduced you to DW?

Pretty sure I heard about it initially on a forum I went to called The Douglas Adams Continuum. That’s when I started watching the First Doctor. Again, @raisegrate showed me my first New Who. Eventually, I started watching New Who in its entirety with @catastrofries and they started watching Classic Who with me for @rassilonwatchathon.

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

Didn’t even know it existed as a child. But I liked it as an adult.

Read more under the cut. There’s a lot!

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

One. He’s the first I saw and I’ve went through some of his more than once, due to the podcast, so he has a special place in my heart.

12. Your favourite Doctor?

It varies depending on the day. I quite like Two, Eleven, and Twelve, though.

13. Least favourite Doctor?

Possibly 5 or 13? More because they don’t get a whole lot to do, than them being bad.

14. Best regeneration?

Technically speaking, there’s something about that first one that is still so good. Emotionally speaking, Two’s regeneration is terrifying and I quite like Twelve’s speech before regenerating.

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

Yeah! They’re all pretty good! Even “Love and Monsters!” Yeah, I said it! (The end is bad, but the rest is good.)

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

One calls himself human a handful of times. Does that count? If not, definitely Five. He seems the most like a regular guy in a weird situation out of all of them.

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

The Day of the Doctor, for sure.

18. Best Doctor monologue?

Eleven’s speech to young Amy in “The Big Bang.” That episode is just solid all around.

19. What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

He’s definitely fucked off somewhere and abandoned Rose. He runs a cat cafe that is definitely a front for something, but no one can quite figure out what.

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

One/Barbara, Two/Jamie, Three/Jo, Four/Leela, Five/Tegan, (haven’t seen enough of Six, any of Seven, and I honestly don’t remember the companion for Eight), Nine/Rose (that’s the only option!), Ten/Donna, Eleven/Amy-Rory, Twelve/Clara, Ruth/Thirteen.

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Classic Who: This is hard. Jamie? Sarah Jane? Leela? New Who: Donna Noble.

22. Favourite secondary companion?

Not sure what this means exactly... My second favorite? If so, I gave three for favorite Classic Who, so one of them. New Who: Rory.

23. Least favourite companion?

Classic: Ben Jackson or Peri. New: Ryan.

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Classic: Two, Jamie, and Zoe. New: Eleven, Amy, and Rory.

25. Most underrated companion?

I love Steven Taylor. I feel like he doesn’t get mentioned enough.

26. Most overrated companion?

Probably gonna get some hate for this, but Romana II. She’s good and I like her, but I was expecting a lot more. I honestly prefer Romana I.

27. Favourite companion’s family?

I love Rory’s dad.

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

Kamelion. AM I RIGHT? But seriously, Amelia Rumford from “The Stones of Blood.”

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy/Rory.

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

I hated Tegan when she first came on, but now I love her.

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

“Heaven Sent.”

32. Least favourite episode?

“Time-Flight” gave me a literal headache.

33. Which episodes do you skip?

NONE. Of course, I’ve not done any rewatches. YET.

34. Best two-parter?

“The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances” are the first New Who episodes that fully sold me on the show.

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

Give me the future and make it weird!

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

“The Myth Makers.”

37 HAS BEEN REDACTED.

38. Best run of episodes?

“Vincent and the Doctor” through “Day of the Moon” is pretty solid.

39. Best cliffhanger?

“Vengeance on Varos.” Hands fucking down.

40. Favourite Christmas special?

The answer to question 37. “A Christmas Carol.”

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

Yes please! (Though New Who will take this a little just because the pace is generally a lot better.)

42. Favourite series?

I’m not sure about Classic (I have a harder time thinking of them as different series), but New is definitely 5.

43. Least favourite series?

11.

44. Which series do you skip?

See 33.

45. Favourite series opening?

“The Eleventh Hour.” It’s just a lot of fun.

46. Favourite series finale?

“The Big Bang.” IT’S A GOOD SERIES.

47. Best series arc?

So I don’t sound repetitive and say Series 5 again, Clara’s arc in her last season is great.

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I find it largely boring and not well-written. Though there are some things I like! I love Ruth a bunch.

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

I’ve seen from “An Unearthly Child” to “The Two Doctors.” And the movie.

50. Who should have had another series?

Doctor: Nine. Or Eight. Or Ruth. Companion: Kamelion, but done better.

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

I love them Fuzzy Chicken Nuggets. (The Yeti.)

52. Most creative monster?

The Silence are an interesting concept.

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

OAK AND QUILL from “Fury From the Deep.” Fuck those guys.

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

I hate power level questions. Next.

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

I get really tired of the Daleks sometimes, y’all.

56. Monster you want to return?

Chumblies or quarks.

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

The writing. You can do great things with most of them. Even the ones you dislike. Like, I hate the farting aliens, but they are occasionally used well.

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

If I had to pick, I’d say... Cybermen. Daleks are very samey and loud. Weeping Angels get less interesting every time they are used. But there’s a human element to the Cybermen that, when utilized, can be very effective and unsettling.

59. Best Dalek story?

The one where Two rides around on ones he made nice.

60. Best one time villain/monster?

I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is in “Midnight.”

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA is more consistent, but the highs of Torchwood are higher.

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

Owen. But like... not season one Owen.

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

See 62.

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

I haven’t rewatched anything yet. But I would rewatch COE before MD.

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Clyde.

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

Mr. Smith is way more interesting. He had a villain arc!

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani.

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Some. I’m doing them as Patreon bonus episodes for @rassilonwatchathon​. I haven’t done much though.

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

“The Chimes of Midnight.” I’ve listened to it twice.

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

I do DW analysis for @rassilonwatchathon AND The Dipp. So yes. My fave is TARDIS Eruditorum, though.

I’LL ANSWER THE REST AT A LATER TIME. I MUST BE WITH MY PEOPLE NOW.

[gingermusings]

IT’S BRITNEY BRITNEY, BITCH.

A look at Britney Santiago’s career in television, film, and music.

From the time she was old enough to hold her head up, Britney Santiago has been in the spotlight for one thing or another. First it started with local commercials around her hometown of Dimmsdale, NY -- but once those started getting some attention her mother saw the potential in making a real career out of this and uprooted Britney to LA. She’s been in dance classes for as long as she can remember and she was constantly scoring small roles as the baby or young child in indie movies or a few one episode spots for different TV shows. It wasn’t until she was four when she landed her first reoccurring real role on a show - Full On Heaven (a mixture of a Full House / Seventh Heaven type show) where she played Amelia Clarke, the youngest daughter of the family. She was on that show for all ten seasons. 

When she was thirteen she got a second gig, one that coincided with the last season of Full On Heaven. It was a show meant to be a drama targeted at young teens - about the type of things that real teenagers face. For the first season her character Taylor was mostly in the background, but she quickly still became a fan favorite and after the last season of Full On Heaven wrapped and Britney had more time on her hand, she was bumped up to a series regular on Tristan Academy (a Degrassi type show). It was during the third season that Britney participated in the musical episode and caught the attention of Dimmidome Records and she signed a five record label deal under the stage name Britney Britney. 

She recorded her first album while still shooting the fourth season of Tristan Academy, but after hitting success on the charts she stepped away from the show to focus on music. Her character was written off as having been killed in a drunk driving accident. From then on Britney doesn’t take any more series regular roles and is primarily working on her music for the next few years - only agreeing to the occasional celebrity cameo on popular shows or taking a role for two to three episodes as a guest star. The only exception to that is when she is nineteen, Britney agrees to take on the staring role of a movie where she would also release a hit single to go along with the film. Crossroads was a box office hit despite the mixed reviews and intense hatred it received, primarily from the male critics. The single released for the film was I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman though Britney also covered I Love Rock ‘N Roll in the movie as well. During this year Britney didn’t release a full length album, but instead a shorter Christmas Album.

After that, when she was twenty, Britney released her last album with Dimmidome Records. It topped the charts as expected, but with her contract up Britney (or more specifically Britney’s mother and team) decided that she could be doing better. She could be making more money and getting higher numbers for her releases. So with her mother’s guidance, Britney didn’t re-up her contract and instead starting looking for a new label. It was a long process, one that took far more time than Britney had expected, but she finally settled on her new home and signed with Rainbow Bridge Records. And with the contact officially drawn up, Britney left LA to follow her boyfriend to Corona Island - where she would work on her fifth full length album.

With the new recording deal signed, for the first time Britney is actually in control of her music. She’s being asked what kind of songs she wanted to record, is being offered chances to actually start writing, and has her opinions truly taken into consideration. Before with Dimmidome Records everything had been selected for her and the most say she had in anything was picking which of the pre-written songs she wanted. Britney had never minded the lack of control she had over her sound, she was making hits and making money - that was what mattered to her, but now that she’s actually allowed to have a say in things she’s starting to find her love for music growing every day. 

WHAT A GIRL WANTS - Britney Britney’s First Album - Released at Age Sixteen

01. Lucky // 02. Candy // 03. What A Girl Wants // 04. Most Girls // 05. What U Back // 06. Call Me Maybe // 07. I Really Like You // 08. Love You Like A Love Song // 09. Hit The Lights // 10. (You Drive Me) Crazy // 11. He Loves You Not // 12. Shower // 13. Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) // 14. Baby One More Time // 15. The Tide Is High (Cover)

ALL ABOUT TONIGHT - Britney Britney’s Second Album - Released at Age Seventeen

01. Genie In A Bottle // 02. Pocketful of Sunshine // 03. Can’t Be Tamed // 04. Starving // 05. Firework // 06. Every Time We Touch // 07. He Said She Said // 08. Stars Are Blind // 09. Boom Clap // 10. Be Good To Me // 11. New Romantics // 12. All About Tonight // 13. Gravity // 14. DNA // 15. Good Girls Go Bad ft Cobra Starships

STARS DANCE - Britney Britney’s Third Album - Released at Age Eighteen

01. Come On Over (All I Want Is You) // 02. Waking Up In Vegas // 03. We R Who We R // 04. Shake It Off // 05. Give Your Heart A Break // 06. Potential Break Up Song // 07. I Wanna Be Bad // 08. Slow Down // 09. How To Be A Heartbreaker // 10. I Forgot That You Existed // 11. Overprotected // 12. Stars Dance // 13. Kings & Queens // 14. FRIENDS // 15. Break My Heart

COZY LITTLE CHRISTMAS - Britney Britney’s Christmas Album - Released at Age Nineteen 

01. Underneath The Tree // 02. Cozy Little Christmas // 03. White Christmas (Cover) // 04. It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas (Cover) // 05. Last Christmas (Cover) // 06. Holly Jolly Christmas (Cover) // 07. Sleigh Ride (Cover) // 08. My Only Wish (This Year) // 09. I’ll Be Home // 10. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) (Cover)

STRONGER - Britney Britney’s Fourth Album - Released at Age Twenty

01. Ain’t No Other Man // 02. Toxic // 03. Die Young // 04. Tonight I’m Getting Over You // 05. Come & Get It // 06. Breaking Up // 07. Evacuate The Dance Floor // 08. Stronger // 09. Keeps Gettin’ Better // 10. Your Love Is My Drug // 11. LoveGame // 12. Circus // 13. Roar // 14. Me Against The Music ft. Madonna // 15. NO

[elichorph]

ok hi i’m back with a second character ...

the member of the yale's elite, they're twenty three and a grad student majoring in film & media studies. they are as amicable as they are histrionic.

stats:

full name: gordon minjun teller nicknames: goose. gordon is for business only age: twenty three  birthday: june 13, 1997 chart: gemini sun / cancer moon / leo rising gender: cis male pronouns: he / him sexuality: bisexual & biromantic height: 6′1 hair color: blue (now blonde) tattoos: none piercings: nose stud (right side), earlobes (always have silver hoops in them)

PINTEREST BOARD 

blackmail:

while the public believes that goose’s family retired and moved to another country, this was actually released as a coverup because they went missing. goose withheld information from the court about their last whereabouts which could have prevented it from becoming a cold case.

he was expelled from high school after vandalizing a statue on campus and his uncle paid the school to go back on their decision.

he lost a third of his inheritance money to a cult he briefly followed in his sophomore year of college while looking for guidance.

backstory:

tw: implied death

right at birth, goose was adopted into the teller family who were pretty well known. his father was a young ceo of an oil company in texas. goose’s family eventually became public figures and tabloid favorites after a long riveting love story between his father and mother, who belonged to opposing business families. it really was a quick rise and fall to fame, starting when it was revealed goose’s adoptive mom, grace, couldn’t have kids, he was in her arms not even a month after and right out of them thirteen years later when she disappeared and the family really was never to be heard of again. 

but as the only adopted child into a family who had to keep their public image up, goose’s dreams of being a fun loving kid were crushed. really, it was strictly gordon - gordon on the tabloids, you’d see his baby face like aw thank god grace got to have a kid of her own <3 he was posted up at galas, listening to his dad speak about oil and shit every weekend and going back to his small private school every monday and it was just the same routine conditioning to keep the image of the teller family spotless and to hopefully get gOrDoN to become the next ceo.

that all kind of went to shit though when goose turned 14. his parents miraculously went missing (don’t ask me what happened i don’t even know) one night when he was tucked into bed. seriously, he woke up one morning and they were gone and suddenly there were police storming the house and he was being questioned and things weren’t routine or safe anymore. in order to still save face for the family though, news was quickly put out that the family went on a private vacation while the investigation went on privately. it was taken to court, people signed nda’s, and all little goose knew was that he his parents were going to a party that night and hadn’t told anybody else and he was too scared to tell anyone. at one point goose became the main suspect and he had to put his freshman year of high school on pause, but he was dismissed months after even though he hadn’t shared the detail that they went to a party. if he had shared it, they literally would’ve been found. eventually, there were no new leads, the case was declared cold, and an official statement was put out that the teller parents “retired” and “moved” to a different country that wouldn’t be disclosed and gOrDoN would be under the care of his uncle.

gordon was like mad though haha. even though he’d gotten his family’s entire inheritance as a fifteen year old and should’ve been happy that he was basically a millionaire, he wasn’t used to things not being in the same routine and actually having to make decisions for himself. newsflash, but goose can’t handle emotions really well and he got angry and well i don’t know if you’ve seen donnie darko where donnie literally put an axe through the statue’s head and spray painted “they made me do it” below the statue? but yeah, that. goose wasn’t slick though, got caught by security, and his uncle paid the school to let it slide and then sent goose to a boarding school in maruland.

he spent the last couple years of high school trying to figure out who he actually was outside of the tabloids and the teller name and image, and eventually got the hang of it by the time he enrolled at yale. he started going by goose instead of gordon, went into film instead of business like his family wanted him to and slowly started to blossom into the weirdo he is today <3 his dad was in the elites so he was able to secure a legacy spot and reluctantly said yes to joining. he was kinda quiet the first year, but now he’s all gungho to do charity events and make people happy and shit like that. 

his sophomore year though he kinda doubted the path he was on and his naive ass got roped up into a cult. anyways, he ended up trusting them a lot and donated 1/3 of his family’s inheritance to the cult and kinda blew it. goose was acting hella weird around this time though, i imagine people around him could kinda sense he wasn’t like alright for a few months. anyways someone ended up giving him an intervention about acting kinda whack and he realized and thankfully was able to leave the cult pretty unscathed. but he is deeply, deeply ashamed about his time in the cult though.

personality:

he is one gigantic deranged baby. like he is baby, but he’s also kind of crazy. if goose feels any normal emotion, it instantly bass boosts and he feels it in full. goose genuinely is so sensitive, he’ll physically flinch if you say something merely mean to him because he was used to growing up so perfect that he really can’t take criticism. however, he’ll do his best to patch things up by saying some incomprehensible joke right there and then. the only exception to this is the tabloids. goose has become so immune to them that he will straight up troll them back on twitter because he just doesn’t give two shits.

he’s incredibly kind. so so so kind (not really gentle though). the type to remember your favorite candy bar and hand one to you on a random tuesday. he’ll remember your name even if you’ve only met once and even if you didn’t give him your name, he’ll look it up somehow just so he knows next time. he loves to make jokes all the time. none of them ever make sense, but they’re funny to him and he won’t apologize for it. and he’s LOUD. you probably can hear his cackles and snorts and dramatic screams even when you’re on the other side of campus. he’s just a kid in a candy store excited to finally enjoy life, especially now that things have seemed to settle down. even though he’ll probably have a whole breakdown and a half the first time the blackmailer mentions his name.

yes, he actually believes he’s being haunted by jfk. goose had a string of dreams about him and witnessed some doors opening and closing on their own around the same time, and he quickly jumped to the conclusion and never thought twice about it. another strange belief that goose has? that he’s friends with a ton of a-listers. even though it’s mainly jessica alba, he won’t hesitate to tweet at extremely famous actors and thank them for getting lunch with him even if they’ve never spoke. multiple management companies have his twitter handle blacklisted. while he currently has blue hair, it’s always quick to change. for how much he dyes it, it’s surprising that it doesn’t feel like hay.  if goose feels a mental breakdown coming or simply is bored or needs attention, his hair color will do a straight 180. he hasn’t had a natural hair color since he enrolled at yale.

things that are very goose: beat up yellow high top converse, getting to know every person in existence, having memes plastered over his wall to make him smile after a long day, wearing fancy cologne to the grocery store because one cashier said he smelled good and he thinks it makes them happy to wear that, throwing a shoe across a crowd at a party, going to sulk in the bathroom or leave the party early when a song plays that brings up bad memories, keeping every movie stub, restaurant punch card, and lost button in a little scrapbook just because he wants to remember the good things in life, thinking the karate kid is the best movie to ever exist despite being five years into a film major.

wanted connections

since he doesn’t have any pre-established connections, here are some ones that could kinda be fun

someone who protects his naive ass <3

an ex or old one sided crush who hurt him so bad lmao. they really wouldn’t have to a lot to do that, but it would be juicy if they did

roommate? maybe? he lived in a really shitty apartment his first few years, maybe they convinced him to move out or moved in

or neighbors? like he will knock on their door 3 times a week with half burnt brownies to offer or because he doesn’t know where his tv remote is and needs help

someone who gave him the intervention about like “you’re acting weird are you okay” that indirectly got him to leave the cult and he feels like he’s forever indebted to them

someone who just despises goose and he doesn’t understand why and tries to make things better even though it just makes things worse

family friends? maybe? when he was in ct and his uncle didn’t let him come home with him during the holidays he would go to their house or something like that

gentle romance <3 maybe. Please

he’s their secret admirer and sends them gifts and flowers and writes them bad poems and recommends them shitty romance films

someone who takes advantage of how naive he is

anything <3 come 2 me or i will dm you or venmo you and force u to plot with me

[tracle0]

hello hey hi and a splendid saturday to you, I come bearing a question for the wip4 gang and that question is: what is each of their most significant memories? additionally, are there any memories they would jump at the chance to get rid of? ok bye please have an excellent day \o/ (and before you yell at me I'm going to sleep now I swear)

I’m glad that when you even LOOK at me you think ‘oh sleep time’ I am Pavlov and you are my dog and this metaphor is stupid I will answer your question now

I’m gonna... assume this is uhh pre-story question because I know for a fact that at least three characters would change their answer to at least one question if it was post-story. My house, my rules. 

Keaton’s most significant memory is p r o b a b l y the time when he was in year 12 (17), and he was called to the head of sixth form office. He’d been at this school since year 7 (11), and had realised he was trans in year 8 (12/13), and had then been fighting for the right to use his bathroom ever since. This had previously resulted in punishment. In year 10 (15), he made progress, being allowed to use the disabled bathroom, but he wanted the men's bathroom dammit. 

Anyway, called to head of sixth form, assumed it was related to that issue. Pessimistic about the whole ordeal. 

Turned out there was another student in like year 9 who had come out as trans as well, and the school had gone ‘UHHHHHHHHH LET’S DO BETTER THIS TIME’ so Keaton, being the only other trans student in this rural Norfolk school, was assigned as her... mentor??? I guess? 

He was half like ‘fuck y’all’ and half like ‘I will not let this young woman go through the same shit you all put me through, I will guard her like a HAWK’. He was still not allowed to use his bathroom, but he makes her fight a little easier; she’s allowed to use her bathroom in year 10, after he left. They still meet up every now and then for coffee. 

Memory to be rid of: First day on a Professional Set, he walked backwards whilst taking a tea order and fell into a bin. Terrible first impression. He still got jobs afterwards, but sometimes people will be like ‘oh yeah I’ve heard of you you’re the bin guy’ and he wants to punch them. 

This is getting long already I’m gonna put the rest under a cut

I know you’re here for Mika so I’ll go to them, most significant memory: probably his first pride? He didn’t intend to go to pride, but he was in the city on the day of pride and just walked past all these rainbows and flags and people being so open and proud and themselves. He was maybe fifteen, and had been having those fun Gender Feels that you try and hide at age fifteen, because you’re only fifteen and most people tell you you’re not old enough to know anything about yourself, yknow? 

Someone gave him a flyer at one point, and when he got back to his Ultra Christian Household, he hid it and would read through it some nights. When he had it memorised, he started to explore more about queerness online. He’s the guy who can tell you all about LGBT history due to this research. This was only done in the city on the library computers, where his trail couldn’t be tracked. It gave him some sort of start for labels, some sort of safe space, some sort of New Approach to everything he’d been feeling. 

Memory to be rid of: last day in Ultra Christian School. He was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school and it wasn’t awful until he was about fourteen, at which point he started to grow his hair. They told him to cut it constantly. He was punished for it. He kept the hair. 

It got bad but it wasn’t until he was about seventeen that it really buckled; first real notable psychotic episode. He told people, they were convinced it was some sort of possession, convinced he’d sinned, convinced of all these horrible things about him and drove him out until he could ‘act normally’ again. He did not go back. 

In all honesty, the second he turned 18, he took his savings from various dead grandparents and a part-time job, bought a second-hand (maybe third-hand) camper-van and left home. 

He goes back for Christmas only. 

Mooooving on, Lynne! Who I do not talk about enough; she’s also part of the documentary squad, and actually the reason the whole squad exists. Producer and director, she’s very cool okcoolthanks

Most significant memory: That one time she was thirteen and her parents had officially declared their divorce. She was living with her dad and it was really, really weird and she was not enjoying it. Divorce is a big deal to some families, and this family was one of them, and she was really unsure about her entire future. 

Cue Mika, young and mostly obedient, kicking down the door (not literally) and kidnapping her (again, not literally) to come pick blackberries with him (very literally). They stayed out until the sun went down in early Autumn. She forgot about the divorce for a small amount of time. They ended the day eating fish and chips straight from the paper whilst sitting in a tree and talking about nothing important at all. 

They made jam out of the blackberries the next day. It was gross. Both of them refused to admit it was gross. 

Memory to be rid of: She went camping one time with friends from school. Lynne is Muslim and so did not go to Catholic school with Mika, they just lived near each other, and so school friends went ‘hey we’re going camping you should come’ she did come. 

It was a mess. They were fifteen and determined to drink, and English peer pressure to drink is weird, so she did take some drink but didn’t drink it. Someone threw up on her tent and blamed it on her. No-one bought any food or water, the only thing she was able to drink was lemonade bought for mixing and that had ants in it within two hours. 

She woke up first and left them all there, then walked home because she was meant to be lift-sharing. It took an hour and a half. She preferred that to being in the car. 

That group wasn’t her only group of friends, but it was her main group, so things were awkward for a while. 

Moving on from Documentary Squad, Percival! Percy Percival who I wish I could call Percy because it’s so much easier to write. 

Significant memory: winning an art contest when he was like. Eleven. Really living the high-life, ol’ Percival. It was a city-wide contest, with various age categories. He was part of the 11-18 clump, which put him at a disadvantage, but he still won. As a reward, his art was replicated on a mural in one of the shopping malls in town, and he got some fancy vouchers for a fancy art shop in the city. 

Winning the art contest made him go ‘oh wait I’m actually good at this thing I really like doing I should learn how to do that more’ and you could barely pry him away from his sketchbook from that point on. 

Those vouchers were stored away until he was 14 and doing art GCSE, at which point he bought a nice sketchbook and oil paints. He’s now very good at oil painting. I hate him for being good at oil painting. Oil painting SUCKS. 

Memory to be rid of: I’m torn between three and they’re all similar so I’ll go for all of them. 

#1 - losing an eye to Abby’s experiments. You read the lil short story I think (I know I checked just now) - she’s a very kind and loving sister who sometimes moves his body parts around. One time, he lost an eye and went blind for a few weeks. He had nightmares about it for months. It was very painful.

#2 - losing a finger. To Abby’s experiments. It was the middle finger on his left hand and it didn’t go back into place quickly enough - now it’s always numb and discoloured. Good news is he’s right-handed and not a musician so no worries about losing dexterity on that hand. 

#3 - losing two ribs. To Abby’s experiments.  There’s a very clear trend here. She wanted to try moving things she couldn’t see around. She moved two ribs away. She decided it was more dangerous to put them back. Now they just have two of Percival’s ribs lying around. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

On that note, final person, this is very long. Abby! She’s fun. Most significant memory;

okay the word ‘significant’ has caught me off-guard several times cause like wow how do you figure out significant memories for people. I don’t have just one, yknow? But I think I know one for her. 

She’s the eldest out of her and Percival and, for a while, people wanted her to set an example for him, which she tried to do, but she wasn’t good at what people wanted her to be good at. She’s good with people. She’s good at very specific parts of biology. She’s good at psychology. She’s not good at school and tests. 

So, when Percival started to beat the standards she set for him, her parents almost... egged competition on. Played favourites, compared the two siblings. Nobody really noticed what she could do, they only cared about what she struggled with. And the parents were rarely around to help out with what she was struggled with. So she struggled on and tried to keep her head high.

Cue a family wedding, she was snooping around the snack table at the reception and overheard her parents talking about her. And how they were almost disappointed in her. How they were annoyed that she couldn’t be more like Percival, honestly, what did they do wrong? 

She got bitter. She pretends she doesn’t care but she’s bitter, and with no parents around to lash out at, she lashes out at Percival, who isn’t even aware. Good times. Not good times. Significant times. 

Memory to be rid of: Honestly? Probably hearing her parents talking about her at the family wedding. It stings. 

A n y w a y this was extremely long I like going into detail with short stories, if you read this far then thank you I appreciate it I will give you a feather from my feather collection. Probably a swan feather. I have a lot of swan feathers. 

[ineffablefool]

(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your

(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant

(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one

(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii

Hi anon.  I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days.  (It might take you that long to read this.  Oops.)

So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t.  Or realizing you aren’t.  (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.)  Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term.  Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella!  It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter!  (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that?  Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person?  Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them?  Oh.  Oh you don’t have one.  Because it doesn’t exist.)

Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course.  I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.

Assuming you want it to walk through it.  Maybe you decide you don’t.  That’s fine!  But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.

I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything.  I am only an expert in being me.  But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...

I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen.  When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying.  Sorry, Drew.  I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.

I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way.  It just sort of happens if it’s gonna.  Maybe it never does.  People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.

I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet.  “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots.  “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”?  (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.)  When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32).  I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum.  And that’s where I am now.

I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger.  Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it.  I had no interest in it then.  I never developed an interest in it since.  If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then.  Was I too young to know for sure?  I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar?  (Because compulsory heterosexuality.  That is why.)

Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself.  If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself.  Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely.  And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.

Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic.  Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all.  I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better.  So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this novel, anon.  It is for you.

[ilovemygaydad]

A Wrinkle in Time AU

yes, i made a new au. yes, i’m planning to write this as a full au. sue me. i jump from thing to think like a squirrel, okay.

for now, it’s just a list of the characters and their traits (except the twins because they’re a super minor role, and i can’t bring myself to write it rn okay)

pairings: logicality, eventual prinxiety, platonic remileceit, familial LAMT

warnings: swearing, sympathetic deceit (as mx which), anger issues, lashing out, transphobia, queerphobia, homophobia, patton is called a whore one time, trans!male pregnancy, transitioning mentions, deadnaming, misgendering internalized aphobia, crying is mentioned, people are just mean as hell, mild sexism, mentioned abuse, broken families, rumors, mentions of cheating/running away with a woman (as a rumor), mentions of forcing sexuality onto others (as a rumor), mentions of disappearing, mentions of non-malicious lies, selective mutism, self hatred, internalized homophobia, and definitely more that will be added as the story progresses

summary: thirteen year old virgil murry is your typical delinquent, but throw in a dash of having two dads, one of whom is missing, a brainiac little brother who everyone thinks is an idiot, and only two normal family members. it’s a shock, really, that virgil acts the way he does, but it’s even more of a shock when three celestial beings come to take him on a journey to save his father with the help of thomas, the weird little brother, and roman o’keefe, the poster child for stable popular kid.

some random important information about this au:

it mixes up things from the book and the 2018 movie because i said so

exists in a time outside of our timeline (think ‘50s/’60s mixed with present day)

virgil, thomas, the mxs, patton, and (sort of) logan’s appearances all stem a lot from the 2018 movie’s definition of their characters with some other facts thrown in, so you can look those up to get a somewhat decent idea of what they look like

the warnings may seem like a lot, but a lot of them are just brief mentions that are repeatedly scattered throughout the story on occasion

a place for the au to go when i actually write it

everything is under the cut because this is about to get SPICY (aka really fucking long)

Virgil Murry (13 going on 14):

appearance

dark, coiled hair like his dad’s

kept short on the sides and longer on top

the longer bits are unruly and usually flop into his face and eyes

brown eyes that glitter gold and green in the right lighting

they don’t glitter often (or at all, really)

braces with purple rubber bands

a little shorter than he should be for his age

pretty normal physique--if a little bit thin

personality

very worried about his family (and eventually roman, too) all of the god damn time

hot-headed and rash with his words

the most stubborn person ever

tends to be aggressive when he’s upset/worried

easily swaps between emotions (much to his and everyone else’s chagrin, it seems)

uses anger to protect himself from being hurt/his anxiety

defensive of his brother and dad

wardrobe

his jeans are always ripped

round, vintage-style glasses (look up 50s glasses frames and you’ll get it)

he’s ended up with his sneakers being composed of more patches than the original fabric 

his hoodie is equally as worn, and he’s barely allowed to wear it to school anymore because the teachers think it’s “un[professional/becoming/sightly]”

other info

hates his appearance and personality

very smart, but his tendency to use shortcuts in school upset his teachers and lead to bad grades

good at math but not creative stuff

accepts his dads but hates his own sexuality

really misses his father

-

Roman O’Keefe (14)

appearance

pale as hell with tons of freckles

flaming red hair

super tall and thin

baby blue eyes that are super pale and pretty

very conventionally attractive

personality

very friendly

becomes protective and caring immediately

good at conversations and diplomacy

perceptive

good with words

can be kind of awkward/overbearing at times

wardrobe

clean jeans and his school varsity jacket are his go-to outfit

nice basketball shoes

his clothes are always very clean and neat

he takes his clothes very seriously--doesn’t like messing them up

other info

third oldest of his many siblings

weird family life

really smart

skipped two grades

good at the creative stuff

very gay (unfortunately)

kinda maybe has always had a crush on virgil

never believed the rumors about the murry family

-

Thomas Murry (6)

appearance

dark brown eyes and hair

a bit short and small for his age

idk what you want me to say he’s a little boy 

personality

doesn’t speak much when he’s outside of the house

difficult for everyone else to understand

his speech is highly elevated, but he doesn’t elaborate when he’s being confusing most of the time

sometimes arrogant and rude when people are stupid/unkind

wardrobe

an odd mixture of professional and casual clothing

often wears nerdy t-shirts and jeans with a blazer or slacks and a button up with a hoodie

always wears the same type of shoes (red tennis shoes with a yellow star)

other info

was adopted just before father disappeared

feels most connected with his dad and virgil

despite his high intelligence and love for learning, he didn’t start learning to read until he was actually in school because the other kids already disliked him enough as is

he tries not to go ahead in his studies for the same reason

easily frustrated by not knowing things

everyone in town thinks he’s dumb because of his not speaking much thing

ridiculously perceptive--possibly too much so

protective of virgil despite being a kid

-

Mx. Whatsit (Remy; age: old)

appearance

youthful

long hair of all sorts of colors

usually pulled into messy braids or elaborate updos

pale skin that shimmers rainbow colors in direct sunlight

unknown eye color

sharp features (almost inhuman looking)

personality

sassy and blunt

doesn’t completely get social conventions and the idea of being subtle

highly protective of thomas

kind of a bitch sometimes ngl

wardrobe

never without a leather jacket and his aviator sunglasses

everything else is literally random

usually it’s flowy dresses made out of scarves/bedsheets/fabric scraps of all shapes and colors, but sometimes he wears colorful pants and blouse-like shirts

think big top tent meets aerial silks and that’s his aesthetic

other info

uses he/him pronouns

youngest of the mxs

apprehensive of virgil at first (like a lot)

best vocalizer and materializer of the mxs

often messes things up, but he always works to fix what happens

-

Mx. Who (Emile; age: even fuckin older)

appearance

youthful, but a bit older than whatsit

pink hair that’s always pulled into some manner of curly updo

bright blue eyes

brown skin with deep brown freckles

a lot more round features and chubbiness than the other mxs

looks just the tiniest bit off of what a human should look like, but otherwise they pass fine

personality

only (or mostly) speaks in quotes, which makes them difficult to understand at times

very kind, gentle, and loving

enjoys being with the kids

doesn’t speak nearly as much as whatsit

wardrobe

purple crystal glasses with lavender lenses that are hooked to a chain around their neck

lots of very eccentric, patchwork-quilt-lookin clothing

despises shoes with a burning passion

likes wearing different colored ties on their wrists and ankles

other info

easily tired out by speaking freestyle (without quotes) and in full materialization for long periods of time

any pronouns

loves cartoons and visual medias of earth

age-wise in the middle of the mxs

--

Mx. Which (Deceit; age: too old)

appearance

dark brown skin with shimmering patches of scales scattered around his skin

the largest patch of scales covers the left side of his face

right eye is brown and left is yellow

the most inhuman looking of the mxs

tall compared to the other mxs

personality

speaks mostly in lies (aka pretty much all the time)

difficult to understand most of the time

very proper sounding

vague and cryptic

wardrobe

always wearing some sort of hat

looks like a yellow flower most of the time because of his penchant for yellow

otherwise he’s wearing a lot of black

likes wearing formal clothing and bedazzled dresses (very avant garde)

other info

he/they pronouns

oldest of the mxs

very bad at vocalizing and materializing (aka they get tired so fast)

very wise

literally just a cryptid tbh

sounds snakey a lot of the time

-

Patton Murry (Dad)

appearance

very, very pretty

extremely elegant features with long lashes and full lips

similar hair to virgil’s but neater

big, brown eyes

warm, dark skin

kind of short

a bit stocky

personality

manages to hide his upset feelings unless something is really bugging him (it’s usually about his husband, then)

incredibly kind

not extremely social due to the down’s actions towards him

loves his kids and husband so much

represses his bad emotions

hopeful (especially about logan coming back home)

wardrobe

wire-framed glasses

steel-toed boots or old sneakers

everything in his wardrobe basically falls in two categories:

nice clothes for going nice places (like dinner)

lab clothes

lab clothes make up the majority by a long shot and include

nerdy t-shirts

old cardigans

jeans

pajamas (bad etiquette, but highly convenient)

other info

(fully/mostly) transitioned (depending on how you look at it--he’d been pretty masc presenting for a while, but he got top surgery) pretty soon after virgil was born and decided he didn’t want to do that again so the other kids are adopted

often mistreated and misgendered by the townspeople

extremely smart, but people write him off as “dumb” (or a whore) because of his birth gender

loves being a doctor because people (sometimes) won’t refer to him as “mrs”

insists that logan will come home very soon (like he’s been saying for four years)

-

Logan Murry (Father)

appearance

neglected, long brown hair

usually clean shaven (if he remembers)

blue eyes with green and gold flecks

so many freckles

tall and thin with sharp features

looks like a huge nerd

personality

very respectable and serious

overworks himself to keep his family safe and happy

a bit of a hot head and scary when angry (either he’s calm and cold or he’s gonna kick your ass to the next century)

super passionate about physics and the universe

seems cold sometimes but loves his family intensely

secretly a huge softie

wardrobe

doesn’t understand that there are clothes other than lab gear

practical shoes only

likes ties but doesn’t wear them because lab safety is key

only gets new clothes when patton forces him to

very thick glasses

other info

(a lot of this is both him and patton. idk how it got so long, but please just understand that i can’t stop myself from making logan the most badass character okay i just love him)

very coldly defensive of his husband

has punched queerphobes on more than one occasion

gets really angry when their mail deadnames patton or refers to him as anything other than “dr patton sanders”

he once literally marched into a company and screamed at the highest ranking official that his husband is to be referred to as “dr patton sanders” as it is his proper name and title, so why the hell does this letter say “dr logan sanders and mrs [deadname] sanders” on it?

never compares his and pat’s intelligence because they’re both equally smart and knowledgable in different areas, even if patton has fewer doctorates 

he might even argue that patton is smarter because he’s dedicated so much time to his fields of study exclusively, not to mention his emotional intelligence

very supportive of patton no matter what (do you sense a theme here)

was very glad that patton decided that they would adopt their younger kids because logan hated every second of the pregnancy from trying for a baby to birth

he loves virgil so damn much regardless of the emotional turmoil because the kid was such a good reward

came out as sex-repulsed asexual about three months after patton announced that he was pregnant, and patton was pissed that he hadn’t spoken up sooner so they could have tried something different to make logan more comfortable

he’ll never admit it, but hearing the kind, caring words come out of patton’s mouth made logan cry for hours because how the fuck did he find such an incredible, loving husband

disappeared four years ago and no one has heard from him since

it’s rumored that he ran away with another woman (as if there was a woman in his life to begin with)

stories also sometimes include that patton tricked him into being gay (even though he’s a “woman,” right??? people are fucking stupid), and logan ran away from that lifestyle finally

but why would dr. murry just up and leave when he had such a good family and important research to finish? things aren’t adding up, and there’s only one way to figure out what’s going on:

figure out what the actual hell thomas and the mxs are talking about

a place for the au to go when i actually write it

[meuurtrierr]

letter to you..

14 years ago, I met you. I was five, sitting in the back seat of my mother’s car. Scared. I was 5 years old. You were 19. The same age I am now as I am writing this to you. Since that night I knew you were evil. The way you told me to “shut the fuck up” for telling my mom i loved her told me that.

 I wish my mom would have felt it too.

 At age six, you moved in with us. You were gone two weeks at a time, I remember praying some nights you would not come back. I missed my mom; she was never the same after she met you. I missed her cuddling me, tucking me in at night, being happy and present. I watched you ruin that. I watched you ruin her. You got my mom into drugs.

 At age seven, you stripped me of my happiness. You stripped me of my privileges. You stripped me of my childhood. you stripped me of my safety. You told me I was too sexy to wear shorts and skirts above my knees. I remember for picture day my mom let me wear a skirt you thought was too sexy for me to wear, but it was supposed to be a secret and I had to change when I got home. You told me the day the pictures got in that I looked stupid for holding a teddy bear instead of a soccer ball.

 At age nine, you convinced my mother that I was a terrible child. You both sent me to therapy. After one session she diagnosed me with ODD. You saw this as an opportunity to punish me without warning. You saw this as an opportunity to strip me of my basic needs, my clothing, my bed, my books, my food. Breaking all my favorite toys. 5-minute timeouts turned to hours of being locked up in my 110-degree room, or in our dark basement where spiders and mold grew.

 Age nine I moved away.

 At age ten I was happy in Texas with my father. The same man you convinced me that was not my real father. The same man you told me was a dead beat and was worthless. He took me in when it was inconvenient. for a year he saved me. I told him he was not my real dad and that you were one night in a fight. I have not forgiven myself for that. You and my mom had a new family without me, my sister who was two, and a new baby brother. I missed them, but never you.

 Age ten I left my dad and moved back “home “.

 At age eleven I was home. I became the parent you and my mother never were. I took care of my siblings. Cooked dinner, changed diapers, cleaned the entire house top to bottom until my knees were raw. Age eleven I became an adult in your eyes. As my body started to change, so did the way you looked at me. You started to touch me, only when we were alone, always for a second. A second was all it took. Always finding a reason for me to touch you, making me feel sick every time I had to touch your back, legs and feet. My mom saw, I wish she would have stopped you. I wish I would of knew. I wish I would of know that you coming into the bathroom while I was showering wasn't an accident. That you looking and grabbing my breasts while I was going down the stairs wasn't normal.

 Do you think that maybe if I were your daughter you would have loved me? Do you think maybe you would not have spent nights screaming in my face telling I am worthless, or hitting me after you spit in my face? Do you think that maybe if I were not brown you would have starved me and isolated me for being saved? Or called me a nigger to my family during BBQs after you told me i could participate with you all? Is there anything I could have done? I just wanted you and my mom to love me.

 At age 12 I could not take it anymore and moved to live with papa.  I saw you all on weekends, I hated existing in the same place as you. You convinced my mom to hate me for moving away. That year I realized you and my mom were doing drugs. That year i started smoking cigarettes hoping it would help ease the pain.  All you and mom did was get high and sleep. You made me break my mom’s fingers on New Year’s Eve for pain killers, you said you would play with me after. You never did. Age 12 I told papa everything you did to me. he did not believe me and told to me apologize to you and call you dad if I wanted to continue to live with him. I wanted to fucking vomit the second the words came out of my mouth. He dropped me off at your house a few weeks later and never came back.

 You told me I ruined your life. you told me I ruined everyone's life. I started to believe you. You broke me.

 At age 13 you tried to kill me. I remember that day like it was yesterday. it still haunts me in my dreams 6 years later. I remember how scared I was at first, how my lung started to hurt from the lack of oxygen. Then I remember thinking that if I died then I would not have to go through all the suffering you put me through anymore. I do not remember what happened after, just waking up in the hallway. Age thirteen i wanted to die.  I tried to take my life; I did not even bother leaving a note. The self harm scars on my thighs did not matter in the end,nor did my suicide attempts, just like I did not, right?

 Age 13 I moved away for good and prayed for good id never have to see your face again.

 I do not get how someone who looked like he could be an angel, could put me through hell. someone who introduced me to music, art, and astronomy could destroy everything that I am. How could you look at a 5-year-old girl and decide to take everything from her?  I do not think I’ll ever understand you; I don't know if I ever want to. 14 years later and your shadow still lingers, and I wish I didn't still blame myself.

 19 and still broken from you, but now I’m hopeful ill heal from you.

[jellybeanbeing]

History of My Bookshelf Challenge

Created by the amazing Emmmabooks!

1. The oldest book on your shelf - An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir 

This is the first physical book I’ve ever gotten and still have. Yes, I only purchased it in 2018 but it’s been about two years so it counts because the other books I have, I got after.

2. A book you read in 2013 (adjust for however many years you like!) - Divergent by Veronica Roth  

I’m like, 85% sure I read this in 2013. I think I read it because the movie was coming out and I wanted to read the book first so I could judge the movie, but it’s been like five years and I still haven’t seen it.

3. A book you read in 2014 - Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

I only remember reading this book during this year because I was sitting at a teacher’s desk when someone came up to me and asked me why I was reading the book when it was going to be required reading in the near future. Other than that, I remember liking the book, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t today.

4. A book you read in 2015 - Side Effects May Vary by Julie Murphy 

Again, this is one I’m 85% sure I read in 2015. This whole book was a fever dream to me and I kind of want to read it again. 

5. A book you read in 2016 - The Fill-In Boyfriend by Kasie West 

The one thing that makes me sure I read this in 2016 was because I had made a new friend that year and the characters in the book had the same names as her brothers and I messaged her about it. 

6. A book you read in 2017 - A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas 

2017 was a good reading year for me. Before 2017, I read a lot of YA romantic contemporaries and I wasn’t going to change that until my friend lent me ACOTAR. I was reluctant at first because fantasy isn’t my favorite genre but I gave it a try and I really liked it. I ended up finishing the series and moving to other popular fantasy and otherworldly books.

7. A book you read in 2018 - The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White 

This is the year I finally started tracking the books I read. I read about 52 books this year and I’m choosing this one because my experience with it is a semi-interesting one. So I read Frankenstein in class that year and hated it. Found out this book was coming out and showed it to my English teacher who preceded to buy the book, read it, and lent it to me. Said I would probably like it better than the original (because I was open about my feelings of hatred towards the book in class) and turns out, I did! I loved what Kiersten White did with the story and the characters. I was engaged and actually really cared about the characters. 

8. A book you read in 2019 - On the Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta 

I’m obviously going to talk about this one so here it goes: I honestly don’t know what made me put this book on my TBR but it ended up there somehow (I think Goodreads recommended it to me???? But I’m not too sure). Anyways, I was watching a video from Jessethereader where he deciphers emojis into book titles and one of them was “On the Jellicoe Road” so I took that as a sign to read the book. I read it, was confused for a bit, but then fell head over heels for the story and the characters and everything about it. It’s one of my all-time favorite books now and I’m going to reread it again soon. I’ll try to make a review for it.

9. A book you’ve read more than once - The Raven Boys by Maggie Stievater 

Is this a surprise? No. Well, kind of. I’ve only read this book (and series) twice but I’m already planning on rereading it soon and every year after that. It’s my all-time favorite book series and that’s not gonna change for a while. I love the books, I love the characters, I love the story, I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. And it’s funny because it took me so long just to read The Raven Boys because I kept DNFing it. I picked it up in 2016, read the first three chapters, put it down, and forgot about it. A couple months after that, I picked it up again, read the first three chapters, and decided this book wasn’t for me. Around 2018, I got the sudden urge to read the books and thought “fuck it, I’m reading it and I’m gonna finish the book.” I finished the series and mildly liked it. I got another sudden urge to read the series again this 2019 year and IT BLEW MY FREAKING MIND WITH HOW GOOD IT WAS. I just have so much appreciation for this book and Maggie Stiefvater now, and I love it.

10. A book you waited over a year to be published - A Reaper at the Gates by Sabaa Tahir 

This is honestly the only book I’ve waited over a year to come out. I finished Torch in 2016 and I had to wait until 2018 to read Reaper. It was torture. And it’s still torture because we’re all waiting for Ember 4.

11. A book you read on vacation/away from home - Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya

I read this for school and I remember going to California for a dance competition and not having a phone or something to entertain me so I took the book with me. For about a week, I read bits and pieces of it before going to bed. One moment I remember so vividly is reading the book on the plane ride back and it being dark and someone telling me to turn off my light because they were trying to sleep. I then proceeded to turn off my light and stare into the darkness because I wasn’t tired and I couldn't read my book. And if you’re wondering, it was one of those planes that didn’t have a TV at every seat.

12. A book you got from someplace special (anything that’s not your local bookstore/online retailer) - Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert 

My English teacher was retiring and giving away some of his books, and so I decided to rummage through his book and found a special edition of Madame Bovary with gold spray painted edges. It was gorgeous, but I gave it away.

13. A book that made you cry - Mosquitoland by David Arnold

I didn’t cry while reading this book at first, but I went back to read a few passages before giving it away and I don’t know what struck a chord in me but I was crying my eyes out over the book. The passage I had read just resonated with me in that moment and I couldn't help but cry. I read the book before some problems in my life occurred so I guess when I went to read the few parts of the book again, it all hit me real hard.

14. A book you read in one sitting - My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

This one is a fun one (my experience with the book, not the book itself). So, I was, I think 12 or 13 or 14 years old when I read this. At this particular age, I was a firecracker when reading books. I would finish a book, A FULL 300 PAGE BOOK, in one night. I did this a lot. I’m not exaggerating. I think it’s about more than 20 books that this “finishing in one night” happened. This one though, was crazy. I started this book one night at around 7/8pm and finished it around maybe 12am? I then proceeded to pick up another 300 page book right after AND FINISH IT THAT VERY NIGHT, or morning, whatever you think. My reading energy was off the fucking charts at that age. I can’t do this anymore, by the way. It will literally take me a whole month to finish a 200 page book.

15. A book that was a gift - A Conjuring of Light by V.E Schwab 

I had already gotten the book for myself but a friend of mine bought me the book and I couldn’t say no so I took the book and now I have two paperback copies of ACOL, and I’m not mad about it.

16. A book you read before owning (library, borrowed from a friend) - Sula by Toni Morrison

I read for school, and let me tell you, it’s the only book I’ve read for school that I liked and was memorable for a good reason. Right from the first page, it captured my attention and kept it through out the book. I’m planning on rereading it and hopefully I’ll still like it as much as I first did.

17. A book you lent to someone else - Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Six of Crows is a popular YA series but do you know how hard it was to make one of my friends read this and actually finish it? I gave it to like three of my friends and they all ended up telling me they couldn't get past the first couple of chapters. But I finally got one of my friends to read the duology and finish it and love it as much as I did. I finally have a friend I can talk to about the books.

18. A book that has been damaged - The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I tend to keep my books in pretty good condition, but I also have butter fingers, so that’s something. Anyways, the amount of times that I have dropped this book and bent the covers is truly astonishing. And it’s bizarre, because whenever I dropped TRB or TDT or BLLB, the covers didn’t bend but when I drop TRK, the cover ALWAYS bends and it’s a whole mess but I still love it. I almost forgot to mention that I got it already fucked up so maybe it’s meant to be.

19. A book you got on sale/discounted - An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir

Yes, I’m using this book again because, why not? Anyways, I got this at a thrift store and I was so psyched. I saw this book on the shelf and was so appalled because who would thrift such a good book? (If you didn’t like the book, great. That’s your opinion.) So I decided that this was my chance to finally own a book after years of not owning one, and have it be one of my favorite books.

20. A book you read with someone else (buddy read/read with a book club) - The Refugees by Viet Thanh Nguyen

I take this question to also include books I have read as required reading in class because technically, I did read it with my class. I had such a fun time picking at this book. It was not my favorite book, though I really liked the first story. My English teacher had us write commentary and I loved it. There was no literary analysis whatsoever in my notes, and I think that’s what I loved the most. I reread my notes for that book recently and they are gems.

21. A book you associate with a song - A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro

When the Party’s Over by Billie Eilish is just a song that I associated with Charlotte Holmes, and that’s never gonna change.

22. A book you associate with a food - Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

It’s not a specific food but more of school lunch for me. I just remember that QOAAD had come out and I was carrying that hunk of a book around and it didn’t fit in my backpack so I carried it in my arms. I was reading the book while my friend was eating her lunch beside me. After she finished eating, I had told her that there were pictures in the book and I wanted to be surprise but she wasn’t gonna read it so she flipped through the book and looked at the pictures. 

23. A book you got years ago that you probably wouldn’t buy now - The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

I got this book in Chicago this 2019 year around May only so it’ s not years ago, but I was a different person in May 2019, alright? I honestly wouldn’t get this book now because I’ve learned that I’m not a big history fan. 

24. A book you associate with a specific time in your life - Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

I was first introduced to this book a long time ago, around the age of 9, I think? My sister had a stack of books from school and I decided to look through it. I read a book called Hushi(?) and I literally, for the life of me, cannot remember who the author was but I really liked that book. Anyways, after reading that, I read bits and pieces of Speak and I vividly remember the day being a bright and sunny day, and reading the attack scene and being so shocked by it. I didn’t really understand it at the time, but every time I read that book or see it, it brings me back to when I was nine.

25. A book you used to like, but don’t anymore - The First Time She Drowned by Kerry Kletter

I talked about this book in another post of mine but it reiterate what I said: this book was a favorite of mine in 2018 but then I reread it again and didn't love it as much. It wasn’t a book that fully captured my attention or kept me intrigued. 

26. The newest book on your shelf - Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater

LAST QUESTION! Call Down the Hawk came out recently and you know I had to buy it. I’m currently reading it right now, and I’m already loving it. I’m so excited for what’s in store for the characters. I am, however, feeling a little bit sad because we won’t get to see the whole Gangsey together again (or for a while). Reading CDTH is also making me realize that those who haven’t read The Raven Cycle aren’t going to know the Ronan and Adam and Gansey and Blue that those who have read TRC know them. I don’t say this to be offensive or “you’re not a true fan because you didn’t read TRC”. No, I’m not trying to say that. It’s just like you meeting someone when you’re both 30 as opposed to 14. People are different people at different ages, and Ronan and Adam are different characters in CDTH than TRC and so some people who haven't read TRC series won’t know that version of them. And also, I mean different as in they’ve grown and certain aspects of them have changed.

[signature-salsa]

Almost a books worth of love quotes

I love love quotes. They are so romantic and soul crushing when you don’t believe in the concept of love. It’s such bittersweet bliss. I have so many. Without further ado, lets dive in!

01.) “True love it like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen” ~ Francois De Le Rochefoucauld

02.) “You call my name, I come to you in pieces, So you can make me whole” ~Red, Pieces

03.) “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you” ~ Winnie The Pooh,  A. A. Milne

04.) “Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.” ~The Princess Bride

05.) “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depths and breath and height my soul can reach, When feeling out of sight for the ends of being and idea grace. I love thee to the level of everyday’s candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right; I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with a passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death” ~Sonnet 43, Elizabeth Barrett Browning

06.) “We have three kinds of family. Those we are born to, those who are born to us, and those we let into our hearts” ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon, Bad Moon Rising

07.) “To get the full value of a joy, you must have somebody to divide it with” ~Mark Twain

08.) “I was hiding under your porch because I love you” ~Doug, Up

09.) “The sun may set and the moon may wane, but my love for you remains ever constant. I am, and always will be yours... Forever.” ~Fairy Fencer F

10.) “Deep in my soul I know that I’m your destiny” ~Mulan

11.) “To face the future with another who means more than any other is to be loved” ~The Rescuers

12.) “I have found my star. She is beauty and grace. Elegance and goodness. My laughter in winter. She is courageous and strong. Bold and tempting. Unlike any other in all the universe” ~Sherrylin Kenyon, Dance With The Devil

13.) “My dream wouldn’t be complete without you in it” ~The princess and the frog

14.) “If I had a brush right now, I’d paint you all around me” ~Single File, Laura

15.) “When I look at you, I can feel it. I look at you and I’m home” ~Dory, Finding Nemo

16.) “You are my greatest adventure” ~The Incredibles

17.) “Love is... Putting someone else’s dreams before your own” ~Olaf, Frozen

18.) “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV)

19.) “It doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you.” ~Roald Dahl, The Witches

20.) “I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream” ~Sleeping Beauty

21.) “We are most alive when we’re in love” ~John Updike

22.) “True love stories never have an ending” ~Richard Bach

23.) “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies” ~Aristotle

24.) “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other” ~Audrey Hepburn

25.) “Love always cures people, both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it” ~Karl Menninger

26.) “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet” ~Plato

27.) “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” ~ Mighon McLaughlin

28.) “To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship” ~Domenico Cieri Estrada

29.) “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction” ~Antoine De Saint-Exupĕcy 

30.) “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” ~ Victor Hugo

31.) “If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.” ~Michel de Montaigne

32.) “We loved with a love that was more than love.” ~Edgar Allan Poe

33.) “Life is the flower for which love is the honey.” ~Victor Hugo

34.) “To say ‘I love you’ one must first be able to say the ‘I’.” ~Ayn Rand

35.) “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” ~Victor Hugo 

36.) “If I were a zombie, I’d never eat your brain. I’d just want your heart, yeah want your heart, just want your heart” ~Stephanie Mabey, The Zombie Song

37.) “When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No … don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is!” ~ Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres

38.) “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” ~Pride And Prejudice, Jane Austen

39.) “You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.” ~The White Company, Arthur Conan Doyle

40.) “ Just like nicotine, Heroine, Morphine, Suddenly, I'm a fiend and you're all I need, All I need, yeah, you're all I need” ~Never Be the Same, Camila Cabello

41.) “ You've already won me over in spite of me, And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet, And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are” ~Head Over Feet, Alanis Morissette

42.) “ Just for a second with you, the highest mountain I'd climb, every time that I see you, each moment feels so sublime “ ~xXVVSOSVVXx

43.) “ Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life “ ~Thank You, Dido

44.) “We’ve loved each other so long I’ve never been a man and not loved her.” ~The Essex Serpent, Sarah Perry

45.) “You are sunlight through a window, which I stand in, warmed. My darling.” ~The Miniaturist, Jessie Burton

46.) “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.” ~Hamlet, William Shakespeare

47.) “I would love to say that you make me weak in the knees but to be quite upfront and completely truthful you make my body forget it has knees at all.” ~Love Language, Chasers of the Light, Tyler Knott Gregson 

48.) “Love starts as a feeling, but to continue is a choice. And I find myself choosing you, more and more every day.” ~Bending The Universe, Justin Wetch

49.)  “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” ~Oscar Wilde

50.)  "Baby it's you. You're the one I love, You're the one I need, You're the only one I see." ~Love On Top, Beyoncé

51.) "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." ~Princess Bride

52.) “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world.” ~Arwen, Lord of the Rings

53.)  “…love is not a constantly stable factor, it’s a decision you’ll have to make again and again.”  ~Black Panther

54.)  “My love for you is a puzzle…for which I have no answers.” ~Padmé, Star Wars

55.)  “We’re like changing electric and magnetic fields; you can’t have one, without the other.” ~Howard Wolowitz, Big Bang Theory

56.)  “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” ~Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (interesting enough this is also Matthew 6:21)

57.)  “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” ~Dr. Seuss

58.)  “Every lover is, in his heart, a madman, and, in his head, a minstrel.” ~Neil Gaiman, Stardust

59.)  “Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.” ~Albert Einstein

60.)  “No matter what has happened. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it.” ~ Defiance, C.J. Redwine

61.)  “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ~Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

62.)  “Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.” ~Nicholas Sparks

63.)  “Love is the answer to everything. It’s the only reason to do anything. If you don’t write stories you love, you’ll never make it. If you don’t write stories that other people love, you’ll never make it.” ~Ray Bradbury

64.)  Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” ~James Baldwin

65.)  Who, being loved, is poor?” ~Oscar Wilde

66.)  “I love you the way a drowning man loves air. And it would destroy me to have you just a little.” ~The Crown of Embers, Rae Carson

67.)  “Sometimes I can’t see myself when I’m with you. I can only just see you” ~Tiger Lily, Jodi Lynn Anderson

68.)  “I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn’t something about you at all. It was just you." ~Beautiful Disaster, Jamie McGuire

69.)  “I want everyone to meet you. You’re my favorite person of all time.” ~Eleanor and Park, Rainbow Rowell

70.)  “If my love were an ocean, there would be no more land. If my love were a desert, you would see only sand. If my love were a star–late at night, only light. And if my love could grow wings, I’d be soaring in flight.” ~Thirteen Reasons Why, Jay Asher

71.)  “There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” ~The Truth About Forever, Sarah Dessen

72.)  “And I’ve realized that the Beatles got it wrong. Love isn’t all we need—love is all there is.” ~Second Chance Summer, Morgan Matson

73.) “ You are the morning sun, shining on my face, when I am with you my life falls into place, you are the glittering stars, beaming so bright, you cuddle me always, all through the night, you are the wind blowing by, brushing my hair, No matter where you go, I'll always be there “ ~xXVVSOSVVXx

74.)  “ You're always in my heart, From early in the mornin' til it's dark, I gotta see your sweet, sweet smile everyday” ~Sweet Sweet Smile, Carpenters

75.)  “No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.” ~For Darkness Shows the Stars, Diana Peterfreund

76.)  “We accept the love we think we deserve.” ~Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

77.)  “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

78.)  “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ~Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

79.)  “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ~Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

80.)  “You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect—you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.” ~Bob Marley

81.)  “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” ~William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

82.)  “You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.” ~Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

83.)  “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” ~Robert Fulghum, True Love

84.)  “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.” ~Alfred Tennyson

85.)  “When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.” ~Jess C. Scott, The Intern

86.)  “ But you keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.” ~John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

87.)  “And now I’m looking at you,and you’re asking me if I still want you, as if I could stop loving you. As if I would want to give up the thing that makes me stronger than anything else ever has. I never dared give much of myself to anyone before – bits of myself to the Lightwoods, to Isabelle and Alec, but it took years to do it – but, Clary, since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me.” ~Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

88.)  “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever” ~Dave Matthews Band

89.)  “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” ~Tom Bodett

90.)  “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” ~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays